#now if I had a way to bring orv into it

[sangahsshorts]

Omfg my spouse just soft announced a new dnd campaign and my sister in law and I might play mushroomy 🍄 sisters with their own secret language??? Which means I could play a circle of spores Druid in a campaign AND build a character based on my Three True Loves (linguistics, Little Mushroom, Dungeon Meshi) ⭐️

The wheels are churning churning input is SO welcome

[briebysabs]

I’ve been deliberating for a couple days now and have decided to discuss in-depth about Kim Dokja and the tendencies of putting his life on the line. For most of the novel, I was split on whether I should view KDJ as a self-sacrificial bastard or a suicidal character. And by the end, I’ve reached the conclusion that he is both.

Before I elaborate further, it should be noted that while we all meme about KDJ’s dying count, he actually isn’t that careless with his life. What I mean is he sacrifices himself usually as a last resort, plans A to F didn’t work and it’s the only option left to hope for kimcom’s safety-ditch effort. Usually. We’ll circle back to that when we bring up OD. But his sacrifices are always done as granting his companions salvation, utterly blind to how they feel about it. But to understand his constant need to do this you have to first start with where he learned how to love. Lee Sookyoung’s love was sacrificial, she’d take the brunt of her husband’s rage to shield KDJ, she’d take on blame for his death and be incarcerated for years so Kim Dokja won’t discover the truth. All of this, in my opinion, unbeknownst to KDJ, imprinted onto him this interpretation of love. As nobody else until the scenarios began had loved him (Yes HSY technically but he doesn’t know that). Which gives the irony that multiple characters KDJ resent in the story such as Kim Namwoon, his mother, the constellations are ultimately revealed to be reflections of himself.

Another component to his self-sacrificing is “Kim Dokja the reader”. I’m not going to dive deep into how orv interweaves dissociation and escapism into its narrative, I’ll do that some other day. But KDJ views himself as the reader, an outsider, the sole member in the audience watching the story unfold before him. Yes he grants commentary, the players notice and acknowledge his existence, but he isn’t part of the play. So if he decides to step out of the auditorium for a while, if he decides to leave a bookmark where he left off and close the book, nothing should change. The story will continue in his absence, the characters cannot possibly miss him because Kim Dokja was not a character. He was not part of their world so even if he’s gone, the ending will still happen. And that is something I want to stress here.

KDJ says “he wants to see a certain story’s epilogue”. Specific choice of words, “see”. He doesn’t say he’ll be part of it,that he’ll be with them, or any close variation of those phrases.

This is where I want to diverge to talk about KDJ's suicidality. You can say “Ok then, KDJ has a clear goal in mind to reach the ending he desires. Yes he may feel the need to step out of the story every now and then, but he does so reluctantly. So obviously, he doesn’t want to die.” And you wouldn’t be wrong really but that simplifies it to an overwhelming degree. That’s how I initially thought of it until I realized how complicated it actually is. Because most people who deal with suicidal thoughts aren’t searching for death but rather feel there’s no other choice. It often isn’t as clear cut as 1863 YJH who, anyone that read this arc will say with certainty that he was suicidal. Yes KDJ isn’t chanting in his mind over and over that he wants to die but why does he want to live? To see the proper ending of a web novel that stopped him from attempting again to begin with. Over the course of orv he finds people he loves and who love him back deeply. People he longs to live for but despite that because of the disconnect between them, his self-loathing, accompanied with what I said before, believing he has no other way out of these threatening situations. Yeah it’s to save his companions but in the end Kim Dokja still feels the need to die. Even if you do not see KDJ as a suicidal character, it is undeniable that so much revolving him, the impact it has on those who care for him, and the visceral descriptions used to convey their thoughts, is a direct metaphor for that.

Or in a few cases, straight up what’s going on and now we arrive at what I think was the final straw for Kim Dokja. Meeting the Oldest Dream. For me, this is THE scene of orv. The biggest twist and what finally irreparably broke KDJ. Prior to this, Kim Dokja had become the “Enemy of the story” but it was unlike his previous dances with death. This time he truly had no intention of dying, he wants to be a part of the ending with his companions, he understands now that his sacrifices do hurt them. That according to him “I, someone of no redeeming quality, could be loved by the others.” That he is a character and that just maybe, he does deserve to live happily ever after with them. And then Kim Dokja meets a 15-year old boy with the same face as his, doodling in a notebook his ideas for Ways of Survival and a notification tells him to ‘Please end the Oldest Dream’. All of that progress is shattered in an instant.

KDJ tries to excuse himself by recalling his promise to SP to kill OD but we all know if that was any other kid, he would not have tried to kill them. He would’ve hesitated much more, he’d look for a loophole, he would’ve tried talking which is his biggest strength for every corner he gets into. Killing them would not be the first option but now it is. Because this isn’t an instance of sacrifice anymore, KDJ is sick of himself. OD is a presence that confirms KDJ’s worst fears. That he’s meant to be weak and pitiful and alone, that he was always an outsider, that he unintentionally causes pain and misfortune to people he loves, that everyone would be perfectly fine and better even without him. And Kim Dokja is the physical manifestation of them: a monster. And there’s only one way to get rid of this monster.

The chain of events from him swinging his sword at OD, trying to stab himself with the blade only for YJH to stop it desperately with his hand, everyone restraining and begging him to stop, KDJ crying and screaming for SP + the other Outer Gods to kill OD. Everyone else is forgiving him and KDJ is only thinking of getting a blade.

This is Kim Dokja’s relapse. It’s real, it’s harrowing, and he never recovers from it. He reaches the conclusion that he has to be alone, it’s his atonement, it's what he deserves. So he splits himself 49-51. I interpreted this when I first read it as presenting 49% of what you believe people want to see. More real than a facade but it’s not the true you. The true, fucked up version of who you are is trapped in a prison of your making, trapped in a darkness you feel you don’t deserve to escape. Which is why it’s so powerful that KimCom went after that 51%. They didn’t want just their version of KDJ, they wanted everything KDJ is including the larger side of him that he wishes didn’t exist. But the plan fails, they managed to turn that full stop into a comma but they couldn’t save KDJ. Because you can’t drag someone out of that train, out of that mentality, you can’t force someone to love themself. All you can do is reach out to any corner, every worldline you can and let them know you’ll always love them. That you’ll always love every aspect of their story and hope that perhaps one day, they’ll accept your hand and believe it.

[ID: Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint art by Blackbox: first of Kim DOkja smiling, seen through a space in a bookshelf, and second of astronaut Yoo Joonghyuk floating upside down as letters float around him. End ID]

[missjuniora]

I wonder about Han Sooyoung a lot. How could someone (3rd round) who had only met and known you for less than 4 years would be willing to wait for you for 50 years and then regress and experience hell all over again just to bring you back? How could that someone's other self (1864th round) in another timeline who had also only met and known you for a couple of weeks would be willing to spend 13 years of their remaining life writing a story for you everyday and doomed the entire world just so you could survive?

But when I really think about it—for Han Sooyoung—it did make sense.

Ever since she was born, she was neither wanted nor needed by anyone. Her parents would rather have her not exist. At some point, she also had a friend who set her up to blind dates but with how HSY only mentioned her once and never again throughout the story, perhaps that person wasn't really important to her either. So for the past 26 years, HSY had lived her life alone thinking if the world didn't need nor want her, then she didn't care for the world either.

Perhaps, at some point, she would even think that even if she were to disappear, no one would miss and mourn for her.

So imagine her surprise, when—for the first time ever—someone told her that she was needed. That he didn't want her to become a character. That he was willing to leave his life in her hands. That even if she ran away and hid somewhere, he would still look for her. That he believed in her to take care of the companions he left behind. That he didn't want to extend her 50 years of suffering if he could help it. That he wouldn't let her go because he hadn't heard the conclusion of the story from her yet. That he would cry if she died.

Their relationship might have started out of necessity—they were in an apocalypse after all—and HSY understood that they were merely using each other for their own benefits (plus they were enemies at first, too!). But then Kim Dokja lied about her being his friend before the scenarios (which when I think about it is technically not a lie because she was basically his confidant from his teenage years through adulthood during their exchanges in [Ways of Survival]'s comment section and DMs but they both didn't know that) when he didn't have to and the rest was history. She ended up being his companion for real.

KDJ might have only needed her at first but now he wanted her to be there in the ending he envisioned.

For the first time, HSY was needed and wanted. For the first time, someone was glad that she existed.

So even if it were measly 4 years for her 3rd round and a couple of weeks or so for her 1864th round, meeting him was enough to make an impact in her life. The amount of time spent together was not important but the short time that mattered did.

She didn't care for this world to begin with anyway so if it meant bringing her sole reader back, then she would destroy more universes just for him and him alone.

For that 'small world' she didn't wish to disappear...

[ORV Chapter 533 - Epilogue 3: Author's words (2)]

[nightylantern]

Yoo Joonghyuk x Reader; A story of two regressors

Haha didn’t think I would do ORV? Y’all I need more orv fics, HUGE novel spoilers so beware, but no explicit spoilers so if you are only WEBTOON reader and have no context of the novel you may end up confused, I will write novel free version, and it will be available later this week or next week so stay tuned!

You both were the same, yet different

The both of you had been given the skill “regression,” and thus you both had agreed to be companions, before Kim Dokja appeared followed by a noticeable Han Sooyoung. Beforehand it was just the two of you, the both of you bled together and teamed up in the previous regressions, the two of you wholly relied on each other and swore to always to keep the other in check, regardless of how far along you would be.

When you both met, it was your 0th turn and his first turn. You both were in different cabs and came out of the train, along with Kim Namwoom and Lee Hyunsung. Eventually meeting Lee Jihye and recruiting her aswell saving Lee Seolhwa from Anitus. You barely recall what had happened in that regression aside from bonding with the crew and having a playful relationship with Yoo Joonghuk, you teased him a lot, trained with him, and the two of you became each others support, each others weight. Was that to say the two of you were romantically involved? No, both of you were prioritizing your survival and plus, Yoo Joonghyuk had his little sister to protect. Regardless, you bonded over your power aswell as the fact that you would see each other again in the next life, until your quick end came within a few scenarios.

When you woke in your 1st regression, you recall Joonghyuk calling for you, clearly a bit disheveled, you were happy to see he also was sent back, but sad when you realised your old companions weren’t. It was hard, you couldn’t reminisce with Jihye about the early scenarios, couldn’t bring up the funny moments with Namwoon, or even small talks with Hyunsung unless they happened again…but even if it did they…felt so different. You recalled how Joonghyuk was a bit colder in that round, but still a bit hopeful nonetheless, and then the both of you were approached by Anna Croft, where you found suspicion, he took the offer she gave, an offer to save the world.

Once again Lee Seolhwa was in your group except her relationship with Joonghyuk was much more…comfortable I suppose. You thought you had seen his eyes linger on her on the previous round, and now you were sure because it was clear he had feelings for her. You often told him not to let his feelings take over, for they were in the middle of survival and loving someone would just be tragic, yet he continued to love, and while you warned him for his own good you couldn’t help but feel…petty.

You watched as they would eventually get married, and eventually they even were going to have a child, and while you supported them every step of the way your heart continued to ache, and then Anna Croft betrayed you all. You recall how Joonghyuk cried when his sister died, he looked to desperate at that time, but when Seolhwa and his unborn child died he went mad, so mad that he accidentally killed you, but even as you were dying you held on him tight, hugging him, apologising for being weak and promising you will be there in the next round. By the time he was able to snap out of it he cradled your body, and for the last time he cried, and then it all went black.

When you met in the next regression, his third one, everything that you had gone through felt so…distorted, it was as if after all of that time you went through hundreds if not thousands of regressions ahead rather than just one… but when you met Joonghyuk who looked rather shaken but closed off completely you confirmed it was the 3rd round, after all if it wasn’t the third round what round would it be, a secret unknown round hundreds of rounds ahead?

This round was much different, he considered you his companion but he was so cold, he monopolised what he could and was different from before, but it was understandable considering what he had went through. On top of that not only was Kim Namwoon dead and other people had survived, a suspicious man named Kim Dokja also appeared and had known the future. It was interesting, he knew of Yoo Joonghyuk but when he looked at you he seemed confused, and he was pale when Joonghyuk said you were his companion of his last two rounds despite Dokjas offer, but it wasn’t as if it was because you had taken the offer, it was if you were an anomaly, a glitch in the system, something that wasn’t supposed to exist, or maybe he didn’t know you existed as he seemed confused about your presence. It was different for you as you seemed to have recognized him, you never seemed to have met him but he looked so…familar. He wanted to help, but the last time Joonghyuk trusted someone both of you died horribly, so he tested him by throwing him off the bridge and sure enough, he proved himself through the scenarios.

It was the three of you until Han Sooyoung came along, another woman along with Sangah, Heewon, and Gilyoung who looked familar…it made you think every time you were stumped, but you guys remained close nonetheless. You would train, laugh when Kim Dokja did something to irritate him, and Joonghyuk would try his best to comfort you when you felt like you were gonna go into the regression depression just as you would with him(Though Kim Dokja was the one who would help the most.) There were times where he would even doze off near you, times where he would cook for you and times he would leave you with Yoo Mia, and if either of you “rested your eyes” on each others shoulder, nobody would say a word.

“Do you think this time we will make it to the end?” He asked you surprisingly, you thought his optimism was gone but it seemed that he still had hope left. “I don’t want to get our hopes up but…we have Kim Dokja so I’m sure we will be fine…” You trailed off, but he knew you were worried, he patted your head as he took his leave out of the base. Strange, he didn’t do that ever in this round…

Kim Dokja always took the lead rather than Joonghyuk this time around, and you were grateful as he always protected every one (at the expense of his safety unfortunately, which you would bonk him over the head for.) But even so, the way he always looked at you was so…off, it wasn’t jealousy, in fact Han Sooyoung who often was with Dokja in terms of plans even looked at you confused and suspiciously, it was as if you had never existed beside Yoo Joonghyuk, which couldn’t be true, you were in Joonghyuk previous regressions right? They knew Jihye, Hyunsung, Seolhwa, aswell as others and knew how things worked, and yet when it came to you… perhaps it was some prank as the two were always together, it had to be right? After all you were in the last [redacted] regressions-

“Wait, what did I just say..?” You thought as you blacked out

you were in a dark abyss, but you could hear voices around you, some were panicked and others were calm, and a huge amount of memories flooded through you, yet you couldn’t pick through any of them, they were all distorted, and suddenly you heard a deep but clear voice.

“A shame really,” the deep voice said as you felt a gloved hand stroke your cheek, “after all of those rounds of suffering, I’m left to see him reap the rewards? A companion who could regress despite the presence being non existent before hand.” What? “And a companion who knows the future, and yet that person remains as arrogant and ungrateful as ever.” He wasn’t referring to you, he was referring to that person. You wanted to see who was infront of you, or seemed to be in front of you, but the hands moved from you cheek to your eyes and covered it as your body, “relax,” the voice said somewhat gently, “you will be back with HIM soon.” As you felt your body becoming more relaxed and heavy, you heard him mention that person again, aswell as some mumbling, but there was one sentence you could hear from him clearly, and from the direction of his voice you knew it wasn’t towards you, but towards that person again, and his voice carried both resentment, and sadness;

“Why is it not me but you?”

Credits go to the ORV Novel and its amazing authors, I hope you enjoyed this story! I won’t deny that I actually tried to dig a bit into lore with this fic! I have no plans to write any sort of series in regards to my lore, but I do have an idea of the lore. If I ever do put it out there someone, as long as they credit me can do it in my stead! Farewell!

[hehearse]

i see we're sending song suggestions again! i sent a few orv songs a while back, but it was before you'd finished the novel (which i had not realized at the time), so i want to try my hand at it again (plus with some sctir songs since you're into that now). there's gonna be a lot so please don't feel pressured to listen to them all at once (or at all!)

for orv:

everything in the dear hunter's all is as all should be album, but specifically the right wrong for yjh & all is as all should be (the song) for either sp or 51% kdj

reset me & take this lonely heart by nothing but thieves (yjh, arguably also kdj for the latter)

stories by lilli furfaro (The Themes)

icarus & apollo by ripto (yoohankim...)

mephisto by queen bee (this one goes SO hard. yjh)

for sctir:

always gold by radical face (this is The han brothers song to me. i love doomed siblings.)

against the kitchen floor by will wood (this one is primarily focused on the relationship yoohyun & hyunjae have with yoojin, and how that relates to their relationship with their humanity. the first verse/chorus is yoohyun, the second is hyunjae, and the rest of the song is yoojin. This one makes me so ill you have no idea)

honestly i'm still holding back but i don't just want to list out my entire playlists ... i hope you enjoy these ones!

HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF US NO WORRIES!! apparently i blended in well. :D

oh that's gonna be long. breaking it apart for structure purposes and also a read more cause feels appropriate FDSFCVS

-> orv

the right wrong by the dear hunter...

yeah checks out. yjh, always watched by kdj in one way or another. always remembering all his mistakes, letting them cling onto him as he goes through one regression after another. and then going back again and again, attempting to get rid of people who are yet to wrong him. yes yes... /crumbles/

all is as it should be. that's yjh. that's plotter. to me. gah.

is there even a need to elaborate. the cycle of regression, his self moving further and further from the patient zero if you will. the crash of stepping back into the first moments of that loop. watching his own self afterwards, wading through the 3rd turn. dooming himself in the 999th turn. something something biting his own tail and i am weak to it.

Nothing But Thieves - Take This Lonely Heart

this one is also. self explanatory isn't it. the story ended but yjh did not. what else is there to do. his purpose gone, his constellation gone. star-shaped hole in his chest aching, but the world is no longer the one that could fill it. there is comfort in the end of the world, you know what to do at any moment of your life, don't you? prevent it. save the world. but once you're done. what then huh. ehe. <- on the verge of death

Nothing But Thieves - Reset me

i hear you but consider this: yoohankim. first kdj - carrying the end in his pocket (literal) - the edited version of ways of survival, if you will. changing their luck - also literal. you know the drill then yjh - carrying so many ends (pardon the implications). carrying the pocket watch too - why not. carrying his sponsorship that leads him to his end etc etc then hsy of course - carrying wos for years and years, bringing forth the end of the world, the usual ^^ and they all attempt to look after each other, don't they? carrying each other's names and faces to the end of universe and back, bringing each other to life (or back to life). self explanatory i think.

lilli furfaro - stories - that one you are correct. the themes. orv in general. ehe. (<- sobbing)

ripto - icarus & apollo well.

something something. han sooyoung paving the way for yoo joonghyuk. and kim dokja leading him astray (to the epilogue). and him going back still. bangs my head against the wall. yoohankim....

queen bee - mephisto

consider this: yjh talking to kdj. reciting his own words at times. ehe... <- shaking but absolutely. yoo joonghyuk risking his life by making that regression his final one (liar). while kim dokja becomes something else in front of his eyes . ^^ almost leaving his turn for the 1863rd. salvation in form of betrayal. isn't that a love on shape of a lie? very kdj truly. ^^

-> sctir

ALWAYS GOLD ABSOLUTELY i think it cropped up before and you are very correct. that's them, the doomed siblings of all time.

will wood - against the kitchen floor

yeah there is nothing to add. you are correct. yoohyun first, hyunje second, yoojin in the end. and hyh and shj both changed due to love. i had a whole essay somewhere on them attempting to humanize their love for yoojin, but dooming him by doing that. and yet still being loved back. head in hands. and ogh yoojin as quicksand? yeah checks out. with all the s classes drowning in his love mhm. sounds about right. (and of course the overwhelming guilt for existing in others' lives.)

[orviposition]

one of the many things i hate orv for is making me be so dependant on yoo joonghyuk getting a happy ending— it's all kim dokja's fault i swear i wish for it so bad. the thought of this man not being able to be at peace and happy in a world where his friends and family are there without the scenarios, makes me mad with a grief i didnt know i was capable of feeling for a 'character' 🥲

(what's also funny is that yoo joonghyuk's happy ending, where his friends and family are happy and well, kim dokja is also there standing besides them. But kim dokja cannot even imagine a world where he can be together with them without 'failing' and atoning. 💀✌️) a happy ending for yoo joonghyuk would be one with you as well kim dokja you fool

aughh anon the entire content of this ask has been on my mind for months. do we have some sort of a mind link be honest. also this will have spoilers for epilogue and side story below

aghh kdj wishing for and working so hard for yjh's happiness truthfully translated into us wishing for the happiness of that sunfish too I'd say. 1863 abandoned lives and worlds existing solely to meet his sponsor and find the reason he exists, which is also linked to said sponsor, made him feel liberated and at peace. a feeling which only kdj, said sponsor, took issue with. his guilt is so huge, so strong, he cannot fathom that yjh will not resent him after having his tragedy be used as someone's sustenance.

after kdj split himself into 51 and 49 in order to atone and sustain the world in which yjh and the rest of kimcom will continue to live, he'd already started imagining how their lives would be. 49 and yjh would search for tls123, 49 would read hsy's novel, 49 would attend ljh's graduation etc. what he didnt count for was kimcom regressing to get him back.

after the group regression, yjh says that his story has already ended now that his reader is no longer there. some time later, astronaut yjh sets on a space journey to spread orv and piece kdj together except that he fully expected to die and the mission to fail because just like kdj had learned to live from him, yjh no longer knows how to live without kdj anymore. in fact before sp and 999 gang save him and biyoo appears yjh fully expects that his -- will be 'death' (as if kdj would allow that smh).

after nearly a hundred years he descends into lhh's worldline. i think most of us know that lhh is 49 kdj's reincarnation by now, what i didnt catch the first time around however was that yjh and lhh met right after lhh considered committing suicide (lee "i have no trauma" hakhyun is a fucking liar) but chickened out in the end

a few thousands more years pass and yjh returns to the 1864th worldline. he talks more, he smiles easier, he no longer cares what his -- will be. and hes let kdj choose for himself whether or not he wants to return. he has been kdj's reader for thousands of years, he Understands what it means to get the will to survive by reading someone's story.

and in the side story he wants to take that choice back. he'll bring kdj back himself. cuz hes obsessed. hsy failed so now is his turn. except that his turn hasnt started yet. so who knows.

anw tldr yeah you cannot divorce kdj from yjh's (happy) ending. if any number yjh hears abt kdj in whatever way shape or form he'll get curious abt him. 41, for example. even after excluding lhh, 41 got curious abt kdj. hsy shows him a happy memory of our yjh which included kdj and 41 fucking collapsed (i become more excited abt the side story the more it progresses) and lost consciousness. it was such a strong memory of kdj and kimcom eating yjh's cooking and kdj saying how he cooks so well and he should bring more beef next time that hsy described it as yjh dying from happiness. yjhs -- is kdj related in one way or another. kdj just has to Get It that yjh cannot be happy without him

[reader-writer-protagonist]

I paused re-reading for two reasons (though I think I’ll go back to it now). One is more logistical which is that I’m rereading in Spanish to practice but Two is the real reason. Orv hurts my heart.

I keep thinking about how tragic kdj is.

I’d love to hug him and tell him it’s okay to receive love but I can’t. And even if I could I know it wouldn’t reach him. He’s a character who’s only ever felt love through sacrifice and only ever experienced value through what he could do for others. The way he latches onto yjh is indicative of his struggle with self punishment.

He can’t help but love and hate and root for this bastard protagonist who keeps dragging himself through more and more cycles. Although yjh didn’t choose that life himself (that he or kdj knows of for the majority of the story, obviously we find out about regression 0 but that’s neither here nor there) yjh puts his all into completing the scenarios. His twisted world view and just trying and trying and trying again and again.

Kdj talks about how yjh is giving up on timelines when he regresses and he’s not wrong but I also think it’s important to note that yjh could’ve succumbed to depression way more often. He could’ve only done the basics of the scenarios and lived in the outskirts like a lot of the side characters we only see briefly. (Especially after that combo event with Japan where it was voluntary) But that’s not in his nature and that’s why he’s so appealing to kdj.

Someone trying so desperately and failing and trying again just trying to survive. Just like kdj. Gritting his teeth through school and shitty jobs and crap superiors. That’s who kdj looks up to, resents, idolizes, and ultimately was raised by. So it hurts when I know kdj doesn’t know any better. He’s only had fucking awful examples at how to receive love. To be thanked. To be cared for. To be pampered. To be worried over. To be so damn treasured that others are willing to burn everything down just to see your stupid blurry smile once more.

Yjh and kdj are foils in the most obvious and excruciatingly painful ways. But yjh turns to look at kdj. To really look at him and changes. He sees this impenetrable wall and fights to get through. Rough and brash and without tact because how else would someone like yjh do it? Even when there���s a crack kdj covers it up with another layer. Layers upon layers that kdj doesn’t even let us see through. Why must he go through all this isolation and pain? Because he chose it. Because he knows no different. And it makes me cry because as much as I understand and sympathize I can’t bring myself to accept it.

[currently-not-studying]

I am fascinated by the ORV look on fatherhood. For now let's just look at Kim Dokja bc this post will get too long. Later: young dad Yoo Joonghyuk and joys of parenthood of Han Myungoh.

Kim Dokja and his 4 kids (Lee Gilyoung, Shin Yoonung, Bihyo, (arguably) Lee Jihye or puppy Lee Hyunsung)

So we have this guy who thinks he is unworthy of love and not a good role model trying to save children during the apocalypse. Someone who has no previous experience of good parenthood trying his best to give them what he never got. He gives them opportunity to grow, he trusts them to take care of themselves but also makes sure they don't face anything they cannot handle. But he also leaves them behind time and time again because it's not like they won't manage. It's not like they don't have anyone else so just because they loose him (and he will come back!) it isn't that big of a deal. Or maybe he knows it is but sees no other way and he will be back so they can get angry and clingy but for now he needs them to push through (but do we trust Kim Dokja to really consider how much he is worth to them?).

We have Kim Dokja as a son of an abusive father.

Even though this man shaped the whole story we don't see that much of him. We see his echos in the ways KD thinks of himself, of his relationship with his mother. He haunts the story the same way the abusing parents often haunt their victims all the way into the adulthood. The lack of self-worth, the need to separate yourself from your feelings to survive, to hide behind a wall - it seems like it started early. And we also see KD father in the ways KD is different from him. The bar may be on the floor when we are talking about someone being better than KD father but KD goes above and beyond. Even though he struggles with it it takes a lot to choose a different mind set when you were never offered alternatives, at least outside of stories you've read.

Which brings us to the other one of Kim Dokja's fathers. Hades. The book version of a father - a stoic, but loving man offering to fight for his child with a scythe and all the glory of the Underworld. Someone who will forgive you lying to him (normal) and then offer you a legion of soldiers (less so). If KD ever read about good fathers it could be someone exactly like this. And it's not realistic in the way KD is with his kids - it feels more like a wish fulfillment of a little child. A dream of a child beaten and berated by his own father to have someone who stands up for them, who forgives them and trusts them. And who ultimately dies for them.

Because both of Kim Dokja's fathers died. And both did that because of him. That's not fair. Hades did it for him. He saved Kim Dokja just like a father should. And on the other hand we have a father that had to die so KD could live, not because of some great curse or calamity. His death was the only thing that could keep KD safe from him. And even in death his shadow was there. KD mother had to leave him, his abuse at the hand of his extended family and children from school started.

So for me Kim Dokja on some level knows what he has: an experience of abuse. And he knows that in no way he wants to repeat that with his children. So he tries. He tries to offer them support, to be there for them, to forgive them. Just like a perfect, book version of a father would. But they're not in a perfect world and he isn't almighty. He still suffers from all those beliefs installed in him by the years of abuse which started at the hands of his first father.

In the end he is human in his constant struggle to break the cycle, to give those he loves his best and also in his failures.

[annakacoyett]

Summary:

[Welcome to the Star Stream's ‘If you're criticizing us that much, why don't you do it yourself?’ System!]

[The System wishes to inform its esteemed guests that they are in the world of the novel Three Ways To Love The Male Lead!]

[The System identifies itself as an extremely specialized system made for aggressive anti-fans who attack the Author and their works!]

[It says that Anti-fans Kim Dokja, Han Sooyoung, Yoo Sangah and Jung Heewon aren't allowed to leave until they finish their quest!]

-

Because they shit talked a trashy novel, KDJ, HYS, JHW and YSG were dragged into that very story. Their mission is to bring the ML & FL together. In order to return to their original world, the four anti-fans had to lower their IQ to match the MC's IQ, but no matter how much they lowered it, it wasn't enough…

By chance, while completing their mission, they also encountered other unlucky people who were transported into books by criticizing the original novel. So the Anti-Main Character club was born, offline regularly, participation fee is for each person to curse the author 13 times. As the story progresses, the club gains more and more members...

---

okay, pretty sure im late but i was wandering around in the orv fandom and found absolute GEM of a fic from error_404_cannot_connect_to_fic.

they also wrote Feel The Magic In The Air i rec'ed some time ago and i just realized this NOW?? tf brain???

side note, i am now subscribed to them :D.

[miradelalune]

For @orv-gotcha-for-gaza project to support Palestine! Just a little fic I wrote when i had time over the course of two months. :). I hope the person who asked for this enjoys it!

Prompt: Kim Dojka falls asleep on Yoo Joonghyuk’s shoulder. Yoo Joonghyuk feels things.

The fire heartily crackled in the bonfire as laughter carried throughout the encampment. Everyone was laughing and talking, sharing drinks, glad that the Demon Castle was over (for most of them, at least). Even among those who were soon going to the third floor, the atmosphere was cheerful. Lee Hyunsung, Jung Heewon, and Yoo Sangah were engaged in cheerful conversation, and the children were playing some sort of card game, on the verge of yet another fight

Looking out onto the scene, Yoo Joonghyuk was reminded of the reasons why he chose to regress, again and again: to see the small moments of happiness shared between his teammates, even if they were not the same ones he had once suffered with. Of course this time, it was all thanks to him…

“I need to set out to find Han Sooyoung soon.” Kim Dokja said, breaking the silence between the two. Seolhwa had gotten up to get more drinks for them, and the two were alone now.

“Are you that intent on having her for the third floor?” he asked.

“She’s vital for what I need to do.” the man responded without elaboration. Kim Dokja took a sip from his beer, as if that had answered his question. He looked up at Joonghyuk with an unwavering gaze. “May I ask you a question?”

“Yes, but-” Joonghyuk said.

“Am I really a companion to you? ” He blurted out. He looked down, nervous for the response that awaited him.

A companion?

Joonghyuk looked down, startled. It was the word he had used for Kim Dojka, one he had said even without thought as he defended his group from enemy after enemy. But why?

Even now, he still did not understand Kim Dokja. Every scenario they had passed, he always had a plan, a way out that even stunned the Dokkaebi. His prowess as a prophet seemed even greater than Anna Crofts’...which still bothered him.

He knew that Kim Dokja was hiding something from him. As a regressor, Yoo Junghyuk had lived through enough rounds to be able to tell when someone was lying. And Kim Dokja was definitely hiding some things about his attributes. His true attributes.

Thump. Yoo Joonghyuk felt a weight against his side. One that was warm. Face burning, he looked over.

On Joonghyuk’s left shoulder, Kim Dokja’s head rested, tilted slightly towards his chest. His eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sound asleep.

He flinched before taking a deep breath, trying to steady his feelings. His eyes fixed on the campfire and the night sky. How had he fallen asleep so suddenly? To him, it had always seemed like for Kim Dokja, everything was always accounted for, under control.

Then again, the man had just come back from the dead…it made perfect sense that he was exhausted, Joonghyuk was simply being unreasonable. Moving on to more practical matters, he should probably wake Dokja up now.

Looking down, he was surprised by how peaceful he looked. The warm firelight certainly had done him a service, softening his features.

The regressor reached his available hand towards Dojka, about to give him a gentle shake to wake him up…but he just couldn’t bring himself to. He found himself gently brushing a stray hair that had fallen in front of Kim Dojka’s face instead. His stomach felt oddly light and jittery. Dammit. Maybe he could let him sleep for a little while.

His thoughts circled back to Kim Dojka’s question. He was surprised he did not have a logical answer. From past experiences, it might’ve served Joonghyuk better to betray Kim Dojka by now. He still remembered the searing pain of his own sword slicing into his shoulder, her unwavering gaze as she turned against him.

But Kim Dojka was different. Unlike all his other teammates whom he had fought with before, the at first unimpressive man he had met on the bridge was someone new. Things had changed because of him. The reason they were all there now, alive and happy was because of Dojka’s painstaking plans. This round was unique, unlike anything before.

And yet Joonghyuk knew there was something else. When Dojka talked to members of the party, whether it be to resolve the kids’ petty fights or delegate patrol, there was always a sort of affection in his eyes, even if he was annoyed or angry. Almost as if he was simply happy to be there. Kim Dojka wanted to see the end of the scenarios with his companions. All of them. It certainly helped that he was strategic, witty, warm-hearted, liked children, smelled a bit like fresh laundry…

Besides him, Kim Dojka shifted, drawing his shoulders closer together, a faint frown on his face. The temperature had dropped as night fell and now the air was biting and frigid. He was probably cold by now. He began to take off his black coat, but Dojka stirred, freezing him in his place. For a fleeting moment, he considered wrapping his arm around the sleeping man, to feel the steady rise and fall of his breath, but he quickly dismissed the idea; it would most likely wake him up.

It seemed there was only one option: the shop. With a sigh, he brought up the virtual window with his free hand, trying to move his arm as little as possible. After scrolling through the survival essential tools, he selected the Deluxe Fluffy Throw. His finger hovered over the cream option for a second (it was for Dojka, after all) before finding himself with an ink black bundle on his lap with 3000 less coins in his account.

He was about to simply spread the blanket on Dojka’s lap but stopped. With the man’s slightly hunched posture, he could see that Kim Dojka’s back would still be exposed, defeating the purpose altogether. That was a mistake of a mere noob that he had learned long ago with Yoo Mia. In one deft gesture, he brought the throw around both of their backs, wrapping both him and Dojka on either side so that they shared the blanket.

[Constellation Demon-Like Judge of Fire is squealing in joy!]

[1,000 coins have been donated]

“Please stop Uriel. We’re not even in a scenario...don’t you have better things to do?”

[Constellation Demon-Like Judge of Fire says that nothing is better in her life than watching this.]

Joonghyuk sighed, covering his face with his hands. Sometimes he felt that he was the only real adult in the entire Star Stream. Now with no one to talk to and no way to train, he was a bit at a loss on what to do.

“Whooo!!! Jihye for the win!!” shrieked Lee Jihye. Looking up, he could see why Seolhwa hadn’t returned: Kim Dojka’s Company had started a game of Spoons. The victor stood with her hands in the air, holding two metal spoons in the air, the playing cards scattered around her. The Han Sooyoung looked downright incredulous, with the young author still flat on the ground after losing the tug-of-war for the last spoon, while Seolhwa, the other loser, smiled bemusedly at the scene.

His feelings about Lee Seolhwa were beyond complicated. During his second regression, he had grown to even declare her as his lover. However, while her beauty was identical from the last regression, from her silky white hair that shimmered like a pearl, to her cherry red lips, Joonghyuk no longer loved her romantically. He saw his old lover in her at moments, but his Lee Seolhwa had forever vanished.

Joonghyuk looked down. With Dojka laying absolutely still, inches away, he could fully see the man’s face. He was beautiful, his skin a soft porcelain despite more plain features. He could see each individual eyelash softly curled, the small part of his lips that were ever so slightly opened.

Joonghyuk knew that he had caught glimpses before, in brief moments of respite, but after the fact when he tried to recall the exact features, he couldn’t picture anything but a blurry smudge. He wanted to keep the memory of that face.

He sat there for a while, gazing at Kim Dojka. The heated rounds of Spoon slowly wound down as he heard the shouts and laughter dwindling to low chatter.

He blinked, suddenly cold. Only amber-orange coals remained from the once blazing bonfire. His eyelids felt leaden with fatigue. It was time for both of them to go to bed.

Ever so carefully, he picked up Kim Dojka, fully wrapping him in the blanket. No one was awake now, save for a few people on night watch. He could hear the grass being crushed under his boots as he approached Kim Dojka’s tent. Joonhyuk began to part the fabric that served as the entrance, he felt the weight in his arms shift.

Kim Dojkas’ eyes were half open and his expression one of vague confusion, senses clearly dulled by the chloroform of sleep. He parted his lips to speak, but Joonghyuk interrupted him mid- word.

“You fell asleep. I was going to put you to bed.” He stated. He laid Kim Dojka in bed and covered him with a blanket. As Dojka’s eyes began to close, he paused and turned around.

“I consider you my companion because you mean something to me, Kim Dojka.” He said.

Without further ado, he walked out into the night before he could regret what he said, flustered but at content. He could remember Dojka's face. The face of someone he loved.

[lee-hakhyun]

today's chapter! under a readmore because it got kinda long

dkos tells lhh to hit yjh in the back of the head. he'll help him after he does this. why?? because he wants to see it 🥺 lhh questions kdj's sanity and wonders if he is just a sadistic person.

then he starts coping.

thinking about it, kim dokja's actions were all calculated... he's always planning ahead... so if he told him to hit yjh in the back of the head there has to be a reason...

he goes and hits yjh in the back of the head. then immediately regrets it when yoo joonghyuk slowly turns his head and glares at him. he didn't even manage to actually hit him, as yjh had a self defense barrier up. lhh is kind of screwed. he asks dkos what to do now. and dkos' response? "wow. you actually did it. i didn't think you'd it." LMFAOO lhh belatedly realizes that while kdj is deliberate in his actions, that kind of goes out the window when it comes to yjh

anyway, lhh is panicking. he hit yoo joonghyuk. he's so panicked that an exclusive attribute activates to calm him down. he thinks it through. he's 'cheon inho' right now, so what would cheon inho do...

equipped with the special cheon inho mode (his words not mine) he smiles the best he can. and start bullshitting. yjh's expression shifts, but then he staight up tells lhh to stop acting and that he knows he's not cheon inho. the real cheon inho would have aimed for a better vital point. whatever. lhh says he can just be a fake cheon inho then. it's not important who he is in the end. yjh sits down and looks out a window, staring at the faint traces of the great hole left after everything that happened 45 days ago.

dkos chips in then. as expected, he didn't kill lhh. he made him hit yjh as a test??? dkos says it was important to know if he'd kill you or not. you never know if you'll have to hit him in the back of the head again.

lhh and yjh start talking. yjh actually calls him 'fake cheon inho' 😭 yjh starts by asking why he stopped him from taking the absolute throne. its influence was there, but it didn't work properly. lhh tells yjh that he can't take the throne or else he wouldn't be able to see a proper end. you're a regressor and you don't even know that?

ah. oops. shouldn't have said that. yjh gets pissed at that remark. but he's not killed. dkos remarks that yjh won't kill lhh, and it's true! yjh has judged that lhh is more useful alive than dead

yjh goes on, speaking about someone else who was able to stop him. han sooyoung. she had planted memories of other worldlines into his head...

lhh is curious. how did yjh feel as he saw orv?

then yjh asks lhh if he can also plant memories of the worldline in yjh's head. he doesn't have orv's story like hsy did, but he might be able to work out something with incite... is yjh curious about orv? should lhh really tell him what happened? what will happen to this regression then?

but yjh says he doesn't care. he then brings up anna croft. haven't heard from her in a while! the final round of the seventh scenario will be with her group. yjh says that he'll probably try to kill her when she sees her. along with those words, there were some strange stories that rose from his body. dkos notices those tattoos then and figures out what story it is. doesn't tell lhh (or us) though.

yjh tells lhh to block that story, by injecting him with the memories. happy memories are the only way to stop yjh... yjh doesn't care who lhh is. cheon inho or not, his job is to stick by yjh and stop him with happy memories whenever he's ordered to.

so. lee hakhyun has secured a spot by yjh's side. the 41st regression might not be so terrible? lhh is thrilled. dkos is even more thrilled! he tells lhh to give yjh the dirt-eating memory next

ignoring dkos, lhh checks his phone. oh, omniscient reader's viewpoint updated. he had.. forgotten about it.... god damn it lhh. oh well, better late than never. he can use this to see whats happened while he was out-

there were no chapters in the 45 days he'd been passed out...

[canigetawaho]

2 boys kissing did in fact bring me to ALNST. I saw the trending gif and I just HAD to find out wtf this was. Tumblr tags only made me more confused. Reading Ivan-Sua meta with no other context. Manipulative king Luka posts. Finally checking out the series by link. Nothing is what I expected. This is AMAZING. ITS ALSO INSANE.

I have so many WIPS now thanks to this series and I might actually post some within a month. I'm so close to finishing so much work. Alien Stage has done something to me. Not even orv hit me this fast.

First of all, I'm glad I'm not the only one into ORV, I think it's quite adorable the fact that this fandoms seem to overlap, like it's so natural to go from one to the other ^_^ and to be honest, I feel you in the sense that ORV felt like something that I savored slowly while alnst just hit me like a train and I love it (hope it makes sense lol)

Second of all, I also got into this fandom because of Ivantill :) . Round 3 had just dropped at that time and I thought it was some BL anime about them and that it might have a sad ending but I finally decided to check it out because I loved the art style (and also the scene with the meteors was just gorgeous) and I was pleasantly surprised to see how wrong I was

What I was trying to say in my post was that just because more people joined because of them then those that came because of Mizisua doesn't mean that "people are obsessed with yaoi and yuri is getting ignored" and that "it's unfair to the creator" and that "it's weird or toxic"(those are just the things I have seen said) and I didn't think it was true. I felt hatred and fear from them and that made me sad especially because I knew there is more to the story and how the fandom interacts with it than that

I am not good at putting my thoughts into words but I hope you understand what I am trying to say

I am happy you sent me this even if it might not be obvious :) thank you

I am also so happy that you are having fun with experiencing this series and I hope that everything you're working on is going to turn out just the way you want them to and I'm sure it's gonna be amazing

I wish you a good day/night :) and thank you again

[aingeal98]

Can you list down the orpheus and euridyce moments? :o and whether it's doksoo/ joongdok/ yoohankim related

OK so to preface I'm sure people out there have done much more coherent analysis than me who just finished the novel last week but I'm gonna throw together some of my thoughts anyways:

The whole final third of the novel is the Orpheus/Eurydice Moment to me. Either the build up, the event, or the aftermath. And they're ALL yoohankim related like it's the three of them or it's nothing. Everything from reincarnation island onwards feels like it's foreshadowing the ending, in big obvious ways but also in small subtler ways. Also given the amount of greek mythology present in the story I'm sure it's deliberate lol.

The story of Orpheus/Eurydice at it's simplest is a man who loves a woman so much he'll go to the Underworld and try to get her back. And he almost does, he just has to walk back to the surface without looking back to make sure she's following. But of course he looks back. Because he loves her. He needs to see her, he loves her too much to risk never seeing her again. Even if it dooms them. He already lost her once, and his grief won't allow him to move forward so easily.

When yoohan get off the train with Dokja, they look back. When I read it I was like holyyyy shit they're both Orpheus and seeing the official art confirmed it for me.

(Couldn't find the image without the text but anyways)

Dokja is their Eurydice. If they didn't look back, if they accepted 49% Dokja and kept moving forward... Well who knows for sure what would have happened but we do know that we wouldn't have gotten 49 Dokja swept up into 51 and then torn down until just a tiny version of himself remains, alive but comatose. We wouldn't have gotten the Dokkaebi King telling Han Sooyoung "You should have been content with 49% Kim Dokja."

But of course they would have never been content. The same way Orpheus could have never made it to the surface without looking back. They had to. Just like they have to keep trying, no matter what.

The thematic parallel to Orpheus for me is how they cannot let go of their grief. They love Dokja too much to settle for anything less than him being there with them in full. Orpheus was terrified on his way back up, convinced the Gods could be tricking him because he couldn't hear Eurydice's footsteps. What if she was just a shade? A shadow of the woman he originally loved?

He could never settle for that. They could never settle for that either. Only unlike Orpheus, who's solution was to die and see Eurydice again, these two go a little bit more bonkers with their grief filled reunion attempts. World line crossing, time travel, reality crossing, screaming and fighting your other Orpheus half because they're not playing along and pretending to heal from their grief, brainwashing authors from alternate universes into writing Dokja's story so they can bring him back...

I'm kind of curious what Orpheus in Orv's reaction would be to seeing those two repeat his story. Like is he happy or is he like wow those two do NOT know how to quit they're kind of embarrassing me right now.

But yeah if I'm yelling incoherently about yhk being Orpheus and Eurydice, this is the basics of what I'm talking about. Thanks for the ask!

[sixeyesgojo]

butterfly birthday

☾ Summary: August 3—Yoo Joonghyuk’s birthday, a date that used to be so trivial to him. ☾ Characters: Yoo Joonghyuk x reader ☾ Word count: ~900 ☾ Content warning: slight spoilers for orv, mention of blood, mention of death, character death, mention of a funeral, angst ☾ Author's note: angsty drabble for YJH's birthday 2023.

The sun blazed from above, a light breeze grazed his sharp features and raven hair. It was almost insulting that the weather was this nice. Joonghyuk took every step with difficulty, the black combat boots he usually wore felt heavier than a mountain. The long black coat seemed like a prison and the belts on him like shackles, binding him to the abyss he found himself in.

And yet, his steady but slow pace led him up the mountain, all the way to a certain cliff. His scarred hands carried a bouquet of sunflowers and a slightly yellowed card. Joonghyuk stopped in front of a shaped stone, a monument in remembrance of someone he cared for. For a moment, he gazed at it. Memories flashed inside his mind and he had to take several deep breaths to push them to the back of his mind again.

August 3—Yoo Joonghyuk’s birthday, a date that used to be so trivial to him. He never understood how you found joy in celebrating the day he was born. When he asked you about it, your face lit up. Your smile could have rivaled the brightest stars in that moment, he was sure. “I just love summer… because you were born in summer, Joonghyuk!” was all you said to him in response. Back then, he just scoffed. After he saw how much joy you felt celebrating with him and the others, his birthday became something more enjoyable to him. Just as you managed to soften his rigid heart a little bit, the happiness was ripped away from him. After all, fate dictated that it wasn’t appropriate for a regressor to be happy.

Crouching down, Joonghyuk placed the flowers in front of the tombstone and brushed his calloused fingers against the engraving that bore your name. He had brought sunflowers because they were your favorite—you had told him that they reminded you of happier days, summer sunshine and in turn, Joonghyuk. The black-clad man sat down and leaned against the stone. Your contagious laughter plagued his mind. Now he wished that he could hear you wish him a happy birthday once more. Just once was good enough for him. But he was too well aware that he couldn’t.

Han Sooyoung had vanished soon after that incident, mourning in her own way. The people whom he loved and who loved him the most were gone. Now he was truly alone in this world. So what was he living for? What was his purpose?

He fought hard not to think about that day, but the images flooded his mind: the monsters, blades that were pointed at him, the crimson color of blood that was splattered everywhere and the lifeless bodies that were scattered as far as the eye can reach. Joonghyuk struggled to suppress those dark memories by thinking of happier times. He recalled the way your eyes would narrow whenever you laughed. But each of these memories were followed by a gruesome one. His mind whirred from one image to another, back and forth. It seemed to fight itself, thinking of you: from your smile to you screaming at him to warn him from an incoming slash attack, your reprimands towards Dokja whenever he behaved recklessly to you jumping in front of him to take the blow in his stead, from your caring nature to your corpse that Joonghyuk retrieved from the battlefield, from your devious grin whenever you pranked Dokja or Sooyoung to the moment your coffin was lowered into the ground on a rainy day. The agony he had felt during your funeral—he remembered as if it happened yesterday.

The onslaught of memories—both good and bad—continued and he wanted everything to stop. As he mourned you, a thought popped into his head: If Joonghyuk brought him back, would he find a way to bring you back too?

His tired eyes looked at the sky as if it would provide an answer to his question. Then he looked at the slightly yellowed card in his hand; it was a card you had written for him ahead of time.

Dear Joonghyukie, It’s not your birthday yet but I am already writing this card! Who knows when I’ll find time again to do so. We’ve been terribly busy surviving in this world and I am eternally grateful to have found you and the others. It’s a blessing to be with you—I really enjoy spending time with you all, even if it’s just figuring out the best way to overcome the scenarios, fighting together or coming up with plans on how to proceed. Admittedly, I was scared of you at first but I quickly realized that you’re a good person. You just express yourself differently. I know the world has been cruel to you but I hope you’ll never lose your flicker of hope and your fire. As it’s your birthday—and you’re very dear to me—I wish you the happiest birthday. Looking forward to all the birthdays we get to spend together! Love, Y/N

“Thank you. Happy birthday to me,” he whispered after having read your birthday message. Those were words he rarely used. And now he hoped you heard them, wherever you were.

Shortly after he uttered these words, a blue-winged butterfly landed on the bouquet he had brought with him. Ultimately, it found its place on his nose. That was the moment he knew: You had heard him. And he smiled.

[mhaynoot]

i love orv idol aus but the only idol au i’ll ever write will probably be a scathing deep dive into the corruption and despair of being commodified and exploited being reduced down into a consumable, of being an item. like the idol industry is such a frustrating, depressing, and apex example of capitalism and consumerism and everything i fucking hate about the world but love at the same time and i wish the industry isn’t like this, i wish people’s passions and dreams aren’t packaged into idolisation that places you at the highest peak of a mountain and gleefully watches as you fall from that height.

like i’ve been listening to kpop for a long time and i still remember the absolute horror fucks that happened during second generation. it was horrible back then, downright vicious and it still is right now!! because the industry and system itself is inherently exploitative and corruptible and the world doesn’t care as long as you look pretty, follow orders and bring them money. and even if you do follow everything you’re told to do, you’re still not treated well or even decently like a human being.

and ksjdj i want to write a light hearted lovey dovey idol x idol or idol x fan but my hands keep typing out the truly evil stuff that industry had put so many young and vulnerable people through and the way the culture and fandom spaces around it revolves around commodifying human beings into an object to be lusted over. like fucking saesangs and hate messages and andn and ughhlksjd yeah the only idol fic i could probably ever write is something that’ll end in kdj ripping the industry apart, suing the fuck out of the star stream, leading a complete overhaul of the powers that be, of creating a labour union, and fighting the world again into treating them as human beings. like i literally can’t imagine anything except members of kimcom each being deeply oustracised and consdiered controversial idols and them just banding together and going fuck the system.

[mae-i-scribble]

Hi, I hope you're having a nice day - in your author's notes for chapter 2 of The Long Way Home, you mentioned the idea that the story HSY wrote is different from the ORV that we know. I wanted to ask if you've ever written any posts expanding on that? I would love to read more about your thoughts on this (KDJ in your story's last memory being about reading that instead of WoS. Gutted me.)

Hello there! I have unfortunately not written a post detailing this (if you are the very nice anon who has asked me to elaborate on this i am very sorry, if you're not anon i am still very sorry), in large part because doing so in a way that I would be happy with would involve combing through the last 1/3rd or so of the novel. Since the major thematics about authors and characters and readers as one aren't really gotten into until that point. To be honest, I just haven't had the energy for that.

The idea that the novel HSY wrote not being ORV is one that I've always had since first finishing ORV- I can't say where exactly it originated from. Now to be clear, it's an undisputed fact that HSY and kimcom *are* writing about the events they lived through, and I do 100% both understand how and why HSY writing ORV is the more widely accepted theory (them including lines from early orv scenes, the way that it loops right back around into ORV's very meta theming, the way it would match up with the ideas of loop of fate, etc.) I just don't agree with it.

One of the greatest takeaways for me on the author/character theming in ORV is that an author will never fully understand a character they write. HSY and YJH live this out in real time, alongside HSY learning the origins of WoS vs the YJH she has come to know as a companion. In writing WoS she straight up admits that she fudges her memories of him because it isn't as if she could know everything about him- she just wrote the story she thought KDJ needed to hear. (I swear I have a point I promise). HSY as intimate knowledge in how while writing someone, you both grow to understand them intimately while simultaneously remaining clueless. With the experiences she goes through, combined with the fact that KDJ's narration in ORV is so specifically *him* with all its unreliability and the glimpses we get into his past/bits of him on his own without kimcom around, I just don't think ORV is something HSY would have written. To me, she wouldn't have tried to write from KDJ's perspective, already having far too much entanglement in obscuring people and characters with KDJ (and possily from that one scenario where she's almost taken over by the character she's incarnated into, but again, i would need to reread).

Then we reach the point where she writes this novel for the KDJ's across worldlines- or rather, kimcom does. Which I think is another very relevant point, HSY is compiling and spinning this into a narrative, but *everyone* is contributing to it and writing bits and pieces. Now that I type it out, I think that might be part of what makes me so happy with the thought that instead of ORV, HSY is writing that same story but told from kimcom's perspective, not KDJ's like ORV is. The image of everyone coming together to give their own perspective and accounts while HSY compiles and sorts those varying viewpoints into a narrative with KDJ as the focus just warms my heart. In a post I made about the epilogues, I brought up that with this interpretation, you can see it as kimcom writing KDJ as they see him, so that he can understand just why they love him so dearly- which I think is especially poignant considering this novel's true purpose isn't even to bring KDJ back, its to help everyone else heal from the trauma of losing him.

So basically, I can't really give you much of a textual basis for my argument besides for the fact that ORV doesn't straight up say HSY is writing ORV, it's more just was my first takeaway that has forever stuck with me as my preferred interpretation.

(P.S. thank you for taking the time to read my fic, I also loved writing the bit where KDJ remembers that story.)