#now i understand the other POV
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thinking about 4halo again and dying
they just. they used to be so sweet together. and then the election arc managed to genuinely turn them against each other (and bad is still affected by being caged in the museum) and i would NOT have been surprised if a rebellion had started within the next few weeks after their last fight and. they used to be friends and then they almost destroyed each other
and then the eggs went missing
and there are so many parallels between them, but one of the biggest parallels is how they're both protectors. they both protected the eggs (and, when he became president, forever extended that protection to the other islanders) but the eggs went missing and they had to put all of that aside. Forever was quicker to put it down than Bad was (it felt like only a very temporary truce, from Bad's end), but they put their problems on hold, because their eggs. were gone.
and another parallel. the destruction. both of them with their plans to cause ruin because then, maybe, theyll get their kids back. bad caused most of the grieving arc damage directly, and got aypierre and antoine to help him. he dug holes in the ground. he placed mines everywhere and leapt into them. he started the lavacasting process of the fed building (and was interrupted by admins, so he stopped, but philza and fit were still right to laugh at him lmaoo). he drilled a hole through the side of the federation office from a huge distance away. he has chosen to hurt his friends and himself to get the eggs back. whatever the cost.
forever destroyed the island. or he planned to destroy the island. or he was interrupted just before he destroyed the island or or or. I don't know. but it was big, and it was bad. bad enough that the feds had to step in and forcefully drug him, and kickstart the happy pills arc.
and the happy pills arc..... oughghghgh as fucking awful as it was for their characters to experience i genuinely truly think that it saved them from each other. when he was first told about forever being fucked up bad was still in the "i need to kick his butt" mindset, and was all ready for an excuse to kill forever. and then he saw forever. and the first proposal happened. and bad was angry and he was sad and upset and he was careful. forever tried to kill him. bad decided to save him. forever kept trying to marry him. forever kept taking the pills. forever was so scared of his own anger and all of the damage he could and would have caused to his family that he kept taking drugs that kept him so out of his mind he hallucinated his son was just sleeping safely at his house.
and they both tried to kill each other. and they both failed.
and bad showed phil and cellbit (and tubbo) the item scanner that dapper discovered, which could destroy him, because nothing else was working. because they needed to save forever. because bad was reminded by then that forever was a victim of the federation instead of just a mouthpiece for it. and then when forever woke up he saw bad, suffering, and so excited to see him awake.
and now they're here on opposite sides again with forever projecting his protection urges onto the fed worker in bad's basement and bad frustrated that he isn't being believed and his evil plans of giving ron lemons apology brownies is being interrupted and. look at them. soft "i hate you" and the appreciation room and bad's quiet heartbreak when he learned about forever being missing and the "i miss you" book bad got mad at because it asked him not to torture fed workers. does anyone hear me im so ill about them. do you understand they care about each other so much and the happy pills arc reminded them of that. forever realized bad is colourblind and bad assumed forever was poisoning him and then forever helped bad cheat on another colourblindness test and forever was giving bad flowers and bad was accepting them and accepted that he was colourblind despite his previously constant denial and! i don't know if im being comprehensible and i dont really care i will be honest i just need you to know i am frothing at the mouth like a rabid little beast. they are a TRAGEDY of miscommunication and external pressure but they love so so much. platonic or romantic or qpp they CARE and it tears me to shreds
#qsmp#4halo#i feel like ive talked about this exact thing like three separate times but#its one of those things that really Kills Me#and its CRUCIAL to understanding them and their relationship#they were fighting and now have found peace in hell#and forever using his care for bad as a distraction to not focus on his Own woes#and the way he's so sure bad needs help the way he was helped that at heart bad is a good person who doesnt want to be hurting people#and in a Way he's right. bad doesn't want to hurt his loved ones. everyone else? yeah. in a heartbeat. but his family...#but he's still makign the choice to do it. it's not lashign out in desperation the way forever destroying the island was#bad is hurting people with Purpose. he's putting thought into it. he's testing people and their knowledge and their motivations and he will#use them all as tools that can be bent and broken if it means they get the eggs back. he'll do it to himself too#especially to himself#ghhhgrhrgh the way theyre both self sacrificial and self destructive the Parallels the fucking parallels#i can best examine their relationship from a bbh pov and it agonizes me because i can't get all the nuance of forever's pov#because i dont speak portuguese yet :c#so best i can do is talk crazy about them like a Lure for other analyst shippers#pspspssps dont you see my ship. dont you see how canon 4halo is !!! in 8 acts#dont you want to examine them and their parallels and the way they are both so strange about relationships but they're finding a way to car#in a way that works for them#pspspsps#like me talking about qbbh vacation arc got the fandom acknowledging his sillies and directly got me a friend to talk about him to (hi kia!#maybe it will work here also#come to the dark side we have complex relationship dynamics that are frequently misunderstood and mislabelled#YOU can help change the world
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bunnihearted · 4 months ago
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regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
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lanternlightss · 1 month ago
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having bardven thoughts again. Hi
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spasikonik · 6 days ago
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an edek themed collage 🪲
#not me posting this just to have an excuse to talk about him more aaahahhhah#i've created edek approx 4 years ago and since then he went through little to no design changes#he is jus flawless. perfect#his personality however.. oof#i mean !!! he's not a bad guy#as i mentioned before he's very friendly and open to new people and opportunities#its just. he was based on my (now) ex best friend#me and that friend were close during primary school and despite me moving cities we managed to keep this friendship going#but you know. it wasnt the same. it became long distance#and i think i manifested my longing by creating an oc that was based on his aesthetics and personality#it took me some time to realise that i've been viewing this friend through lens of this oc. that of course lead to idealisation#because he wasn't physically there with me i created an imaginary version of him in my head#it was also because at this point we were getting older and slowly growing apart#and i think i wanted to grasp a little part of him that would still understand me#edek's relationship with ryba was also heavily influenced by this relationship#and. well. the things that my ex friend and edek have in common are short temper (despite acting chill) and trouble showing affection#he also tends to say things faster than he can even think them through#oh and he enjoys long walks through the woods and mountain hiking and bicycling and bugs and mushrooms and. yeah#and the other traits!!!!#he is suuuuuuper protective of his loved ones especially his younger sister irenka#his interest include everything thats fantasy and with folklore themes#hes also a stoner lol#aaand a funfact - he and zbyszek (of dycha za zbycha!!!!) used to be friends in childhood but they aren't friends as of now#why you might ask? from edek's pov zbyszek and his family just randomly disappeared#and edek was the only one that wasn't in on the fact that they have moved to the usa#edek wondered why his best friend at that time didn't tell him such important news#and often thought that there mustve been something wrong with him or zbyszek didn't actually like him that much#this incident heeeavily influenced his perception of relationships in the future#OH AND ALSOO hes an artist he graduated art hs with a degree in graphic design and is in college for the same thing#original character
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liquidstar · 8 months ago
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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esteemed-excellency · 1 month ago
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ok i'm almost done with the new firmament chapter, i have So Many thoughts 👀
#keeping my thoughts in the tags bc it's late and this in not going to be very coherent#positive thing first: i did enjoy the lore!! i'm a sucker for lore dumps and i love to connect dots so it was a very fun read to me#that said. it was fun but also convoluted af in some points so i saved everything in the journal to analyse it#after the entirety of firmament comes out. i have Many Thoughts about the shames mention and the judgements#but i have Zero Braincells to elaborate them. they're all going in the red string board until further notice#one thing i did NOT vibe with were the christian references but you all know that about me by now#i'm just trying to appreciate the funky cosmic horror vibe here i don't need a gloria in excelsis deo reference#(i understand it conveys a specific vibe but. there are many other things that can do that)#talking from a character pov this chapter was SO PERFECT for my guy's own flavour of insanity. drowning him in violant forever >:)#also. he wasn't happy about erasing the prisoner's memories. he understood it was necessary but he didn't like to destroy them#(i ended up leaving him with Love)#speaking of the prisoner. what the fuck is going on with him. i need to study him under a microscope#(and reread everything when i have more braincells)#i'm also very glad to finally have a bit more info about the vulgate and the apocryphal realities#this chapter answered a few questions and i hope the nex one will answer even more#tldr: very cool lore even if it was Confusing AF sometimes (but we still have more chaoters to read so we'll see)#+ i love zenith so fucking much it's my favourite roof location so far!! psychic damaging memory beam city <333#anyway goodnight#fl spoilers#chitchat
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valoflunar · 4 months ago
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Michelle by sir Chloe but its pandora staring at Dorcas MESMERIZED even though she knows she shouldn’t be because she’ll never be more than ‘just friends’ with Dorcas and the affection between them will always be nothing more than platonic even if she so desperately wants it to be more than that and the slim chance she had is no longer there because Dorcas is now with Marlene and she feels so bad for being in love with Dorcas because god she’s with someone else and she’ll never be hers and-
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sisterdivinium · 9 months ago
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Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Category: Gen Characters: Sister Lilith (Warrior Nun), Shotgun Mary (Warrior Nun), Mother Superion (Warrior Nun), Ava Silva, Jillian Salvius, Sister Beatrice (Warrior Nun), Father Vincent (Warrior Nun), Cardinal Duretti (Warrior Nun), Adriel (Warrior Nun), Sister Camila (Warrior Nun) Additional Tags: Angst, It's all of their relationships to one another and to the halo, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
A short AU for if Mary hadn't arrived on time and Lilith managed to get the halo in 1x05.
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royalarchivist · 2 years ago
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Wilbur: Ah, he has food! Lutho, Lu - Lutho, Lutho has food!
Luzu: I’ve already given Vegetta food. 😑
Wilbur: He is like - he is like el gato (cat)! He is like el gato, he has been fed, and still begs! [Laughs]
Vegetta: Food food! Food... [Sighs] Food, please.
[Luzu relents and gives him more]
Vegetta: It’s a good friend! [Gives Luzu kisses] 😚 Bye!
Wilbur: Aw. He likes to kiss!
Luzu: He just wants me for my money. 🙄
[ Full Transcript ↓ ]
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Wilbur: Manzanas! Manzanas! [Apples! Apples!]
Phil: Manzanas!
Wilbur: Ohhh.... Mañanas is mornings, I just *laughs* I need to get -
Vegetta: Hello my friends!
Wilbur: Hello!
Phil: Amigo amigo!
Vegetta: My little - I need food! *sad sigh* Ay....
Phil: *laughs*
Wilbur: Ah, he has food! Lutho, Lu - Lutho, Lutho has food!
Vegetta: Luzu?
Wilbur: Lutho, tengo tiene comere! [I have has to eat]
Vegetta: Luzu! Please!
Luzu: I've already given Vegetta food.
Wilbur: Oh.
Vegetta: I need....
Phil: *laughs*
Wilbur: He is like - he is like el gato [cat]! He is like el gato, he has been fed, and still begs! *laughs*
Vegetta: Food, food! Food... *sighs* Food, please.
[Luzu caves and gives Vegetta food]
Vegetta: It's a - a good friend! *gives Luzu many kisses* Bye!
Wilbur: Aww. He likes to kiss.
Luzu: He just wants me for my money.
Wilbur: He likes to kiss!
Dan: Kiss and run, huh?
Vegetta: [distantly] Whoa whoa whoa, what is this?
Wilbur: And there he goes.
Vegetta: [distantly] Whoaaaa! Yes!
Phil: *laughing* He's just stealing items.
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a-mythologynerd · 6 months ago
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Just finished The Familiar and it was very fun! Definitely captured my imagination and I adore Leigh Bardugo’s historical and modern fantasies. She does such a great job of evoking those themes of injustice and the grey morality of being locked in systems and corrupt power structures. I’ll probably talk more on this later but if you’re a fan of her work (especially the Alex Stern series) I’d give it a read.
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butterflieswhisper · 6 months ago
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hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me
hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it
#asks#<-omg i can make that a tag now#i also am a year behind on the life series. i think the most recent one i've seen is double#like from any pov. i am a year behind. however that goes for everything on youtube#my poor watch later playlist hit the 5000 video limit forever ago and so did the second one i made to replace it. i am on my third#but seriously i don't know what goes on in fh canon but i like their blue/yellow thing they have going on. idk if that's like? intentional?#but like scott blue and canary yellow are really pretty colors together#and they are also SO close to being complimentary colors and yet. they aren't. just a little bit off#they don't quite fit quite how they should. i made that up on the spot i mostly think yellow and blue are nice colors#i think my biggest exposure to scott before you was literally the deal with destiny song in empires1#and i don't even think i acknowledged him as like a real guy ykwim.#like oh yeah. scott smajor. he's like. in that song lizzie made or something. he can sing alright i guess (plays it on loop)(plays it on lo#whisp whispers#seeing u post about Discourse(tm) is always really funny to me because i didn't realize for a while that u did not have like#the 'normal' interpretation? like i didn't realize you had a different view than other people#i was like oh yeah the relationship held in the death games is toxic. that makes sense yeah and is not surprising#and then suddenly there would be a post where you mention discourse and i went. Ohhhhh wait they're supposed to be HAPPY!!!#but i feel like this is infinitely more enjoyable i love Flawed Characters#and especially now after watching his rats. i get it. i get it i get it i see what you are saying#he doesn't interact much with jimmy hes mostly with owen and. i mean#'i've never heard someone apologize so much while putting the blame on the other person'???? i see exactly what you mean#r!scott accidentally hurting r!owen and then apologizing profusely while insisting it's because owen stood in his way. and then immediately#isolating himself in a room for like 20 minutes and refusing to interact with anyone feels like. idk#it reminds me of ur rambles and i understand them more now i think. kind of#to be clear by 'with' i mean like. in proximity of. those rats are AROMANTIC!!!!! (to me)#i'm so sorry these tags are a mess. but alas#i also think it's really funny to follow Flower Husbands guy and know nothing abt them. invested by proxy. whenever i hear abt scott giving#jimmy a flower i get excited not because like i know what's going on but because omg! that's like that thing bree talks about sometimes!!#i hope that like. any of this makes sense shdbfjk
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nohara-rin-dot-mp3 · 18 days ago
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well folks going through agonies again <- wwants to read obikaka fic but cant because sometimes rin pov shows up and its bad-_-
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a-so-called-person · 2 months ago
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Jayvik is my barbenheimer
#the surface level meaning of that is that i find them just as iconic as the memeish event#but the deeper level meaning of that is that jayces story is like oppenheimer and viktors has some barbie undertones for the funniest reason#like jayces at best abt being overly excited abt science then getting his ass kicked by the ~philosophycal/political~ stupidity of everyone#at best#meanwhile viktor HAS very much the same story just from a differents social classes pov its also so fucking funny#but hes also like. a “change your humanity arhhhh” villain like he has a THEME of what it means to be human alongside that#like what other movie? fucking Barbie#CREATOR VIKTOR IS THE CREATOR OF BARBIE LAND FOR REAL TRUST ME#anyway however i have no hope that they are going to introduce what it means to be HUMAN theme that more older versions had#in arcane#even if they do they will not give him any grace like he WILL most likely be 100% wrong abt it#like delusional to cover for his own emotional wounds#Hes reverse barbie with like socialism as barbie land#BARBIE EVEN HAS A SPACE ODYSSEY REFERENCE LIKE THE SCENE ABT APES(HUMANS) OVERCOMING NATURE BUT ITS LITTLE GIRLS AND DOLLS#BARBIE VIKTOR PARALELS REAL#Do you get it. do you get how jayvik barbenheimer#arcane viktor is very much black and grey and fits oppenheimer but he has like a veey random pink ass bow on his fit at all times to me#anyway this was an insane rant#but basically they did put barbie in oppenheimer and made her fit so well you didnt even notice its viktor in arcane#still waiting for a well written version where the opposite happens#if you didnt understand none of this and now think im conpletly insane i understand thats why it was put in the tags#i was basically conjuring a very unhinged venn diagram#and i also really like the og version of viktor even tough i have a VERY attachment to arcane viktor#too much attachment sometimes#anyways hope you enjoyed this novel i put in the tags 👍👍
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bookishfeylin · 1 year ago
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Hmm. I didn't want to do this, but after receiving a lot of harassment here and on Ao3 I'm debating abandoning ACOHAS. It is just... not fun to go there and expect negativity all the time about THAT ONE THING so my internet experience would be much better by simply stopping with that one fic BUT it also is the fic of my heart and I have so many arcs I want to complete, so I have really mixed feelings on it :(
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steelycunt · 2 years ago
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omg you’re WELCOME tumblr.com for the collab of Ridi x Siken I take gifts in the form of german cars or freshly baked pies just an fyi!!! Hmm okay can I pls have either 3 or 5! xx
HELLO BAB! FIRSTLY cant thank you enough for this ask game its wreaked absolute havoc on the dash xx SECONDLY sorry this is so late! i am the slowest of all time xx its kind of long though so there's that!! and THIRDLY: i went with five in the end!! some post-moon angst xx
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He’s been in there nearly three hours, now. Sirius has done the dishes, changed the sheets, sorted the cluster of plastic bottles and blister packs and jars of ointment on the bedside table into the precise order in which they’ll be needed. Dug out their Muswell Hillbillies record, since they were talking about it the other day. And Remus is still in the bathroom.
On the other side of the door, all quiet. Miserable bleed of the dripping faucet, but nothing else—no movement, no jostled water. They left the kitchen window open. A draft rocks through the flat.
“Remus?”
He thinks maybe he ought to knock. He doesn’t. The bathroom isn’t thick with heat, as he expected, and Remus doesn’t turn to face him: he’s hunched over in their narrow alcove bathtub, the hair at the nape of his neck slick and sweat-curled, his knees against his chest. The start of a bruise, splayed out over one of his shoulder blades.
“Hi. Hi, you.” Sirius wipes his hands on his jeans, kneels by the bathtub. Remus’ pyjamas, folded in a pile on the lid. “Everything alright? Can I do anything?”
Remus looks at him—or, rather, looks vaguely at his collarbone. He’s bitten his bottom lip bloody, and his eyes are red. Damp, like he’s been crying. When Sirius touches his face, it’s clammy, beneath a sheen of cold water.
“Sorry,” Remus mumbles, "I’m—yes, m’fine.” His voice is chafed, dusty; he digs the heels of his palms into his eyes, the dark thorns of his eyelashes. Rasp of raw skin up his forearm that’s yet to scab over. Pinkish tinge to the bathwater. “I’m sorry. Shit, god. Sorry.”
“Oi, no. None of that, Moons. What’s the matter?” Sirius swipes his fingers through the short, sticky hair at Remus’ temple, flicks away a tangle of dirt in it. So much of last night is still raked up against his body, gathered in the soft creases at his arms and thighs.
Leaves rotting on the forest floor. White moon, lodged there in the black like a bullet in an X-Ray, or a tooth through skin. The way the delicate bones at the wrist sound when they snap, like twigs: radius, ulna.
He deserves a gentler night than that. He always does.
“I’m not…m’sorry,” Remus shakes his head, a thinness to his voice that sours Sirius’ insides. “I just don’t—I don’t feel very good, and I wasn’t ready to get out, but I can’t—”
“What is it that’s playing up? Is it your hip again? I can—”
“No, I mean—” Then his shoulders jump, and something catches in his throat; some scraped-up, shuddering noise: “I don’t—feel good, Sirius,” he chokes out, blinking quickly. “I’m just so, so tired, all of the time, and—and it never fucking stops, it’s always so much. It’s so much, every month, and it doesn’t—doesn’t ever end, and sometimes I can’t do it, I can’t.”
Sirius watches the outline of Remus’ ribs, the way they heave. The divots between them that he has traced out so many times. In the corner of the bath, there’s the scummy soap dish that for whatever reason currently only offers a pack of fags: Cadets, white box and red stripe, which neither of them smoke. His jeans, wet at the knees from splashed water.
“I just—I want to feel okay,” Remus breathes, knuckles scratched beneath his eyes. “I don’t feel okay.”
Edging closer to the bathtub, Sirius tries to stamp his voice into something more solid: “Okay—okay, hey, look.” He presses the side of Remus’ head to his chest, kisses his hair and his burning cheek and the bump of bone at the top of his spine—sorry about all that broken skin, sorry there’s only loose change in my pockets, sorry I can’t hide you anywhere.
“Look,” he says after, “we’re alright. We’ll be alright again, you’ll see, Moony. My Moony.” His hand slips down to Remus’ neck; he knows exactly where to feel for his pulse, proof of the desperate kick of his heart. “I love you, and…and I’ll make you feel okay. I will, every single time. You don’t have to do a thing.”
He reaches past him for the washcloth, hanging limp over the faucet. “I’m sorry,” Remus repeats, with a cough. “I—I don’t know why, sometimes.” He pauses. “I’ve made your shirt wet.”
“No you haven't,” Sirius lies, just for the sake of it. “Fuck, though, you must be knackered. I’ll get a takeaway later. Indian, if you like.”
Remus nods. Sirius starts the hot water running again; Remus opens the packet of Cadets, takes five snaps of his fingers to light one. His hands are still jittery. He does this shy, sad smile, as if to say sorry, again.
“You have to know���you’re the very best thing I’ve got, Remus,” Sirius tells him, quietly, fingertips still against his pulse-point. Steady, darling bass beneath his skin. Ash in the water. “The very best thing, so. Sit forward, will you? I’ll wash your back.”
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the-kipsabian · 1 year ago
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you know its time to go to bed when the sad thoughts start rolling in
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