#now i have to go take care of my back

[lokeansuz]

my recent herby favs

howdy all, i'm trying a new thing where i'm writing about my herbal practice on my blog. i've been working with a number of plants for a while now and have developed a few close relationships. a note that i am a baby herbalist and not a medical practitioner, and i can not and do not want to give medical or personalized herbal advice to you in this format. this is my experience with these herbs in my body, every body is different so your mileage may vary. this is just me exploring the ways these plants have felt in my body! i am sharing potential medical risks about these herbs both as practice and so that if you seek these herbs out you are informed. i cannot stress this enough, talk to your doctor if you have medications that can interact with these herbs! i feel an abundantly cautious take is appropriate as i am posting to a broad audience. i encourage you to read the post in full. if this is well received, perhaps i will add to the post!

wood betony - stachys officinalis - cool, dry, relaxing - this is a cooling relaxant nervine that i started working with 4 months ago or so, perhaps longer? this plant is an excellent ally to any grounding practice. this is a big portion of the tea my mentor Kenton Cobb formulated, which is how i was introduced to stachys. the tea they formulated i have dubbed the "you are here" tea. i think betony being a big part of it really drove that formula. but the idea is that you are neither back there on the trail, nor up ahead yet. you are here on the map. while it's good to consider the past's context, and to plan for the future, you are here, man! take it in. i associate this herb with the rune jara, which i associate heavily with enjoying the moment. this herb is also known as a warding herb. i found that my gut intuition was a lot easier to listen to when i had this tea. maybe that's a coincidence, but i do feel it helped me tune in to my body better. the taste is mildly bitter, and easy to drink as is or cover with rose, lavender, tulsi, chamomile, hibiscus and a number of other herb friends. i find betony to be most supportive to the "trauma doom spiral" as i call it. i have ptsd and can experience intense symptoms like flashbacks. i find that betony, especially when formulated with rose, linden and tulsi (read further down to cinnamon's blood sugar warning, this herb acts that way, too), really help settle me back down enough to think through what i need to do to take care of myself. i've also noticed this plant to settle my stomach when taken as a simple! my favorite way to consume betony is in a strong infusion. i have tried anywhere from 5g to 30g infused into a quart french press for anywhere between 30 minutes and 2 plus hours of steeping. an overnight infusion, while strong, is a great way to start the day. especially paired with a mindful yoga practice. my mentor Kenton also recommended to me to pair this herb with a moment of box breathing and my goodness, it is relieving. also consider starting it at the beginning of your day, and come home to betony's open arms. there is an old saying... sell your coat, buy betony! i will say, i could have bought a nice coat with how much money i have spent on betony up to this point. i would highly recommend this herb as an addition to an herbal and witchy practice!

(source: https://rotarybotanicalgardens.org/wood-betony-stachys-officinalis/)

ginger - zingiber officinale - warm, dry, relaxing i have been working with this plant basically since i started with my school in winter of 2022. oh my goodness do i love this plant, and i have a Story. the first time i made this zingy tincture, i made it as a simplers from fresh with 95% everclear which was a Choice for sure. the heat of ginger coupled with the hot hot nature of strong alcohol, woo! and i made like. a 4 cups of tincture so i am very slowly working through it. i usually take .5-1 tsp of tincture and pour a few tablespoons of water and take a shot. i find this herb amazing and work with it with a bunch of applications. i love ginger when i am experiencing pelvic cramping or gut cramping. frankly, the pelvic floor is all bound up in its innervation as i have learned from my ob/gyn. it can be hard to distinguish low gas cramping or constipation pain from bladder pain from uterine pain. it's interesting and rather annoying for those of us with lots of pelvic tension. mine is a result of my hrt, the pelvic floor has the capacity to effectively 'hulk out' on T. one could say that ginger is a very trans friendly herb. it can also increase circulation down there which can relieve menstrual cramping, internally as well as externally. for those who feel dysphoria due to cramping as a reminder of manstruation, ginger is a great ally. anyways, i find anything feeling crampy and achey down in that bowl of pain is eased by ginger. especially when paired with 5-10 drops of lobelia tincture (lobelia inflata). this dose, paired with ginger, applies to menstrual cramping in my body. though i am a big body and take 10-15 drops of lobelia. be mindful that lobelia is nauseating in high doses, (7-10+ drops for most) but some can be nauseated with just a few drops. i encourage you to experiment with low doses (3-5 drops, lower if you get sick easy) before bumping up to maintain comfort. GINGER! i also love ginger for its topical relaxant properties, i have applied the tincture and the paste (literally from the grocery store) before , and it feels nice and warming as well as relaxing. be mindful if you do this to pay attention to how it feels on your body, if it gives a burning sensation then definitely remove it. i also take this herb for nausea induced by my medications, but have taken it for nausea caused by illness as well. a decoction brewed of fresh rhizome (a thumb of fresh thin slices or grated) for 30 minutes on a simmer. i love to pick and choose and brew any of the following: honey, green tea, chamomile, rose, tulsi (blood sugar warning), linden, cinnamon (blood sugar warning), chai spices in general and using it to flavor just about anything a little icky. looking at you, elecampane. this tea is wonderful for when i am feeling particularly gassy and tight in my abdomen. to top it all off, when i work with ginger, i let go just a little. it can take the edge off of my tension in 1+ tsp doses. cook it into food to dispel gas before you have it! curries, ginger baked goods, infused honey and candied ginger is another of my favorites for similar reasons as the tea. and they are delightful! a medicine in its own right. i also love the way this herb builds heat in my body. ifi really want to raise energy, like for a walk in the cold rain, i will do a shot of dilute tincture to get myself going. perhaps a way to raise energy in a witchy way? hmm... a warning: taking medicinal doses of this herb can thin the blood, do not take this if you are on blood thinning medications! also, if you are prone to overheating (i am because of certain medications) or have a hot and/or dry constitution, balance this herb with cooling moistening herbs such as... LINDEN!

(source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ginger)

linden - tilia americana - cool, moist, relaxant

oh i sing my praises to thee, linden! though this mild taste may not wow you, this plant is profoundly relaxing to the nerves and hydrating to the tissues of the body. i love this tea as a long infusion, i have brewed linden usually in quantities of 5-10 grams in a quart french press. i pour over boiling water, stick it in the fridge, and fetch it after a day at work or overnight. also known as basswood, i love to brew linden with rose and cinnamon. (mind cinnamon, it has insulin lowering capacity, you gotta watch your blood sugar closely while taking this herb and work with your doctor and if you can't feasibly do that, i would not work with it). back to linden, i find that this herb is best for me after a long day, especially one where i have been overwhelmed and on the fritz. actually, better yet, i prefer to drink it when i expect to have a bullshitty day. it seems to ward off the worst of my tension, emotionally and physiologically. this herb is beautifully moistening, i like to let it thicken (naturally occurring polysaccharides cause this effect). it is most moistening when steeped in a long infusion. i find that when i drink it regularly, my lips are smooth, my cuticles are nice and pretty, and i am less prone to dehydration headaches. i often forget to drink enough, i have trouble paying attention to my body's cues due to being neurodivergent. if you are like me that way, and forget to drink enough, this tea can help compensate for that. i find that a relaxing nervine like this can also bring you down into your body and help you pay better attention to it. the effect is twofold! i have not worked with linden as a tincture yet, for i seek the moistening qualities the most. i have also worked with this tea topically and with the marc in a cheesecloth on my eczema. the cooling moistening properties help to soften and soothe the irritation. often, i get screwed with topical fragrance because i am extremely sensitive and sometimes my only soap option in a public restroom gives me eczema for a week booo) but linden helps! so does my topical salve, i will have to write a post about it sometime soon. linden has tended to my anxiety gently, i find that at work this tea is nice to sip when suzanne is going off about how terrible vaccines are, how trees move at night (really! there was a facebook video!) and the dangers of hrt. so yeah if that made you scrunch your face up remembering a coworker, this tea may be for you. it may also be for you if you feel frazzled and restless after a long day, as it can soothe that nervous tension that keeps you tossing and turning at night. this tea is also supportive to the cardiovascular system. i have to wonder if the primary way the linden eases anxiety is through relaxing the cardiovascular system and soothing the heart. it's an amphoteric, it can bring down blood pressure when necessary, and raise it when it is lower. last but not least, this herb (a tree, but trees are herbs i think!) smells wonderful and looks beautiful. it blooms in june in my area and walking beneath them is magical. stick your face in some blossoms if you ever get the chance.

(source: me!)

anyways, these are a few of my favorite herbs these days. i hope that you enjoyed reading and perhaps gleaned some ideas from this podcast. i want to promote the school i study at, check out commonwealth holistic herbalism's school site and find their podcast on spotify! and apple i think? i don't use it.

take really good care of yourselves <3

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 209

Now Jason was planning on, well, a lot of things, when he came back to Gotham. He had a lot of plans, several of which had to do with the old man and even more that had to do with cleaning up Crime Alley, making it safer and all that. 

What he was not planning on was to find some sort of lab in the basement of where he was planning on setting up a safehouse. Nor was he planning on finding several literal children in cages inside said lab. Oh and Lazarus Waters- but children! With muzzles! Being experimented on!

Now he’d like to say he had a plan in what happened next, but if he’s honest everything had gone Green and he didn’t remember what happened next, only that he’s back home with said children and covered in blood. Oh and everything smells of smoke. 

… And apparently there’s more of these things dotted around Crime Alley with the rest of these kids, er, siblings? Family? Fright does mean family? Okay kids, he’s not turning into Bruce but you can stay here while he deals with this… however long that takes. 

He better not be turning into Bruce he swears-

[hauntingsofhouses]

yall i just KEEP doing back to mizu and taigen's wrestling scene in master eiji's forge and like i know that taigen literally got a boner from it BUT THE THING IS out of all the scenes these two have together, this scene actually has the least sexual tension ?!? cuz like the boner aside, this scene is actually very soft and emotions-driven rather than pure passion or lust.

arguably, a more passionate and sexually-charged scene would be their previous brawl in the snow with the chopsticks, which is tense and angry and also the scene that mizu thinks about when madame kaji talks about being honest with one's innermost desires.

but THIS scene in the forge? warm colours. their laughter and their smiles that both equally genuine. the WAY taigen looks at mizu in that scene, staring first at her lips, her smile, then looking into her eyes. and you can see by the framing of the scene and the look on his face that he is, for the first time, seeing her eyes as something beautiful rather than off-putting or frightening.

like before this point he's already come to not only respect mizu as a person and an equal but also admires her as an incredible swordsman and as someone who is kind and honourable* for having saved his life at the expense of her revenge quest. so as of the time of them tussling in the forge, taigen has already put aside his prejudices about mizu's blue eyes and no longer finds them as any cause for disgust. but in this scene he's not just indifferent about her eyes, but attracted too it.

and i'd also like to argue that his boner is not from the physical exertion or the act of wrestling itself, but from the intimacy of a playful spar, enjoying each other's easy company after having established a deep trust with each other (taigen endured torture for mizu and helped defend her from archers in the chasm while mizu saved his life from fowler's castle)

and all this while in the safety of mizu's childhood home while both of them are still recovering from near-death, amplifying their vulnerability with each other.

like when was the last time mizu cracked a genuine smile, let alone a laugh that's more than a little wry chuckle?? and for this to happen at such a low point in her life also speaks to the comfort this little friendly spar gives her.

because like, this is after she failed her mission to kill fowler. meanwhile her sword--the embodiment of her soul--is broken, and ringo who is her closest confidant is now angry at her and barely even looks at her. it just further lends to the inherent tenderness and intimacy in this scene. and i just. AHHHH i love them your honour....

* ALSO as a side note about taigen believing mizu to be honourable: he later realises that this assumption turns out to be quite false when she reveals that she'd not only allowed akemi to be taken away against her will but also has said nothing about fowler's impending attack on edo. also i find it very interesting that out of the two revelations, taigen is less angered by mizu letting akemi being married off (he sighs angrily and marches off saying he has to go to edo to find akemi), but much more angered by mizu's refusal to save the shogun and the shogunate as a whole. this is more proof that taigen's central principles are firmly rooted in the bushido and the concept of honour that comes with that. it's why he lashes out at mizu. because he'd believed mizu to be honourable and righteous, but was proven wrong. that's not to say that taigen is in the right for calling mizu a demon, not by any means. but i just find it a very interesting part of his character and it relates to his relationship and perception of mizu

also while rewatching the episode i found this very funny they just lyin there in the cart like this 🧍🏽‍♂️🧍🏽‍♂️

[mephoj]

nickel and balloon would be so much more interesting if people explored the way nickel became everything awful that balloon used to be but so much worse ironically all in the name of "protecting" everyone from that history repeating. and not softboy tsundere yaoi or whatever is going on in those tags rn

[emry-stars-art]

Hi Emry 🙂

How's the new house going? Do you have everything you need to let your creativity flourish?

I don't know if this question has already been asked, but what are the court customs for Christmas? Dances, sumptuous dinners or a meeting between intimates only?

Abram could give Andrew a new pair of earrings (they would look amazing on him) delicately move your Highness's hair to let him wear them while Andrew prefers humble gifts, a key that Abram will keep above his heart, who knows where it will lead 💝

Wish you a beautiful day 🤍🌸✨

Next year, if this whole art thing works out, I hope to be able to make some time for more worldbuilding and stuff because it’s SO fascinating and fun!! For now though I loveeeee putting in our real world traditions

And your points are perfect because 1) Abram giving Andrew different earrings and Andrew building a wholeeee collection of them is so sweet and 2) a key to Andrew’s room (“our room” as Andrew reminds him now) is absolutely Abram’s most precious possession

Me trying to decide on an outfit for Andrew, desperately scrolling Pinterest:

The gorgeous Andrew drawn by Peach: am I a joke to you

[fumifooms]

Namalin

Namari x Falin

Easy short rarepair spotlight post for prosperity~ This one I didn’t think of on my own for once, I don’t know if it’s just I forgot the decided-on ship name or what but I remember seeing really nice art and a couple posts about it that I can’t find again 💔 Namalin warrior you are out there and not forgotten ty for making me see the light

I like that Namari’s critical of Falin! I have a whole character analysis on Falin if you’re interested, but it’s generally well noticed that people around Falin idealize her a lot. Laios, Marcille and Toshiro all put her on a pedestral of ultimate goodness in the world, a saintess if nothing short of perfection. Sounds like Chilchuck felt sort of creeped out by her vibes, uncomfortable because he couldn’t read her, so unlike Namari it seems he preferred steering clear of her rather than debate opposed ideologies like he usually does. Makes sense if unlike Namari his issue is with her cryptic aura rather than the stances she does show. "… The dungeon is no place for soft hearts" my ultimate namalin scene <333 It’s fun because while this scene is there to show us a lot of things, mostly to establish Falin’s characters better as it’s the first flashback of her we get, the conflict in it is more than anything else Falin vs Namari in how they contrast and clash and approach situations differently. Namari wants security in swift effective violence and thinks Falin too soft for her own good when she prefers a pacifist approach and promotes compassion even for the "undeserving" in Namari’s eyes. Falin steps between the battle ready Namari and the ghost, fearless. Falin effortlessly gently exorcises the ghost without one step back, quickly. Falin proves someone wrong. Falin proves someone wrong.

I love thinking of Namari being surprised when she learns new aspects of Falin. I like Falin having the power to shape people’s views on her. With Falin ships the most fun part for me is usually that point where Falin/the relationship becomes a clean slate: the person realizes they haven’t been seeing all of her, realizes there’s more of her they hadn’t noticed or that she hadn’t shown, that there’s change, a shift in the views on each other and the dynamic a bit.

Namari often feels like an external view looking in to me… I need to make a proper analysis on her but like. I made a lamari post once (analytic more than personally invested rip sorry) and I go with the same Namari take here, I think she’s someone who tends to have an outsider view on people and relationships if that makes sense, she’s a coworker before anything else and she’s content staying at a distance, she’s not objective per se but she tries to keep feelings out of her choices and how she sees people (her lil arc on not staying to save Falin despite the existing camaderie but in the end asking to work for the Flokes more because she wants to stay with them). She’s serious no nonsense on the job but friendly off the job and likes having casual friends, but she’s not… She doesn’t really feel connected to the group. She’s so focused on doing her job, even if she does get impulsive and passionate and too assertive for her bosses’ tastes, so focused on working her reputation and life from the ground up that that professionalism and attitude limits her social life. It doesn’t help that her reputation makes her widely judged, so she probably enters social spaces on the derensive. The closest person she was to pre-canon as far as we knew was Chilchuck and even they have a very "coworker I get along with" dynamic more than friends, with a similar sense of boundaries, humor and world view. Also like canon says a few time, the party didn’t really try to get to know each other well pre-canon, didn’t hang out after work often no one knew where Marcille was from and no one thought that was weird (also how no one had the instinct to ask about Senshi’s past) etc, the notable exception is we’re shown Namari and Chilchuck hitting taverns together and having a grand time. Everyone’s fine with things as they are, they get along decent even if not everyone considers each other friends exactly. Where I’m getting at is that to me, it feels like she tries keeping emotional distance. Emotional distance from people in general being something which in my interpretation of Falin is also present, which would make it a theme and common thread interesting to explore imo. But yes like, Namari looking at Falin, and how everyone treats her, and being more skeptical, seeing her for what she is a little more, maybe even uncharitable. "Why is everyone treating her like she’s all that? She’s gentle sure but seems like a doormat to me" and then one day she comes running up with her mace ready to cave in someone’s face to protect Laios. So yeah… Keeping her distance but one day Falin offering her some gentleness that feels very too personal for someone who’s not used to being genuine and simply showing that they care… Them talking a bit which leaves her stumped and mindblown in a quiet way when Falin defies her expectations. Namari growing on Falin when she stays and decides to open herself up more, or when Falin ends up reading her really well like she’s shown to do with her parents and Marcille’s worries. She’s very attuned to worrying and why and when different people do it especially when it comes to when they worry for others, perhaps because she does a lot of that too, so I think she’d nail down how Namari does care for the rest of the party and it’d make Namari feel seen both in a warm validating way and in a scared naked way.

We see in the tentacles chapter that she’s someone’s who’s very protective and looks out for her peers in a tough love way. She’s overbearing but it’s because she wants everyone to have the best chances. I like that she’s very confrontational and somewhat pushy and rude, but it’s tough love, it’s protective care: asserting herself to better protect and defend. The opposite of Falin’s type of care, quiet and self-sacrificial devotion. They’re barbarian x healer but they’re also bodyguard x bodyguard in their attitude and role. … What I want for them is slow burn slice of life of being coworkers and slowly getting to know each other better, pretty fluffy, but god, put this way they’d have the potential to be such a hot layered mess of insanely mutually devoted codependence… Falin taking a hit for Namari and Namari being scarred by it forever, lots of arguments about it, my god.

I like that she’s the fighter to Falin’s healer. I looove thinking of scenes of Falin healing Namari, necessitating touch and like, a moment of slowing down and sitting together in silence, too intimate, the perfect opportunity to connect that neither truly want to take until one day they do. I love how onesided I imagine the relationship would be at first. Again, as per my interpretation of Falin, I think Namari would have all these little observations and opinions on Falin meanwhile Falin really doesn’t think of Namari much at first. So Namari thinks a lot about Falin and thinks she’s got her pinned down but hasn’t (not that she’s fully wrong, she’d have credit and confront Falin on some of her flaws like the doormat thing), while Falin is very passive about Namari and doesn’t think deeply about her or anything but she read Namari’s insecurities and logic well. Not unlike how Laios was the one who seemed to understand Namari’s way of care the best in the party in the tentacles episode, and how he was very understanding of her choice and reasons. In Falin’s case it’s more like, the objectivity of passivity… She cares about Namari less than Laios who generally seeks to form bonds, so her lack of investment allows her a neutral perspective. In that way another parallel with Namari that I’m drawing, except Namari lets feelings from her opinions seeps in more… Onesided beef my beloved. I’m going insane save me this post was a mistake. I think Falin takes the crumbs of friendship and love where she can without expecting or asking for anything more than what’s offered, and I think her relationship with Namari (or anyone really) would start out the way it did with Marcille: the other takes the initiative and they end up spending time together, Falin is friendly but unattached until the bond gets gradually and wordlessly strenghtened through regularly spending moments together. So! I think Namari would need to take a lot of the first steps, which since again she’s confrontational & argumentative and doesn’t hold herself back on that front that could spark a lot of conversations I think. Ooor since Falin cares about Namari less than Laios and Marcille she allows herself to be bolder herself lol. Or also circumstances force them to spend time together like dungeon party getting separated shenanigans.

I think their personalities match cutely, I think falin would try to protect namari like she does others but also Namari simply doesn’t need protection, just support. And I think they’re complementary in that way that Namari’s friendly but also won’t sugarcoat things, and I think if she takes an interest in Falin it could go from there and she could develop some understanding of her and idk like an intrigued crush….

Namari wants stability & security & to, like, not be judged and rejected and exiled lol, to find her nest her pack the place where she feels good and wanted in. I think having a fitting partner would help in that (similarly to how the found family with the Flokes seemed to. Oh another parallel, Falin’s top priority is protecting Laios her brother and what Namari are a family figure) and I think Falin would fulfill that cozy protection and that warm ‘being seen and not judged’ feeling. But also Namari would run up to her and yell about her trying to sacrifice herself ever.

Another fun thread to explore: post-canon guilt for not having gone to save her. Sure, they weren’t close, but they had some nice memories, didn’t they? Namari cares, and it stings despite herself when it feels like people think she doesn’t. Oh it wasn’t a lost cause after all, oh it’d have worked out, oh I could have stayed loyal and it wouldn’t have compromised myself in the end. Wanting to apologize to Falin, or just ahnging out with her and sharing a moment after she wakes up. And tangent but that’s interesting to think about… Narratively, I think the purpose of Namari and Toshiro in the story, beyond strenghtening the theme of "seek to understand what is different from you and promote unity despite them" and fleshing the cast and worldbuilding, is Toshiro’s purpose was being a foil & tool in Laios’ arc (trouble connecting with people) while Namari’s was being and a foil & tool in Marcille’s arc (standing up for ideals without being out of touch with harsh realities and needs). They are the conflict that push our protagonists to grow— and they explore different ways of dealing with a situation or topic, different ways of growing into themselves on that end: Laios needing to listen to others more and Toshiro needing to focus on voicing himself more to be able to connect, Marcille needing to learn ideals sometimes cost too much and Namari needing to internalize that ideals are sometimes worth risks (not only to be able to find a reasonable but fulfilling life balance, but also to get in touch with their compassion: Namari restricts her own too much and Marcille is too harsh on people she deems to be breaking values, like Namari not risking her life and career for a friend with no promise of success, or even like how Namari is harsh on Falin’s way of doing things : too gentle, too soft, too idealistic) (similarly to Chilchuck’s arc with Marcille too, and he also plays a hand in advancing that arc in the Namari chapters). We are getting far from namalin sorry ummm preview for future analyses like Toshiro’s contrasting approach to grief and accepting loss.

More post-canon namalin! Thinking about a timeline where… Namari is fond of Falin finding herself and going off to do her thing. "Finally!" she thinks. If she’s still for hire, maybe Falin would want her to come along, either as guide or bodyguard <3, she knows Namari has a lot of good avice on a lot of things to give, plus they’ve worked together before. She hires Namari and they travel for a bit. Travel would do Namari good too I think, even if her end goal is to settle and I think Falin’s would be too eventually. Seeing sights that light her wonder for the world and going places where people don’t know her story, don’t recognize her face or her name. Them, feeling free. Finding a companionship that feels uplifting instead of stifling or charged. Namari having been too in her head about reputation and social games and money that they hit the roads and spend time in nature and it’s like, woah. I’ve been living in a small world with made up rules.

Ahh yes romance, Namari and Falin kissing after 3 years of not really knowing each other despite seeing each other every day then 2 months of wanting to spend more and more time together until they’re an inseparable duo! Workwives. I want them to stand next to each other during campire time and Namari cracks little jokes and Namari laughs. I want Namari to gift Falin a bug caught in amber and for it to be their wedding/promised to each other thing.

TLDR

Rowdy but levelheaded barbarian x gentle healer that will also cave your face in with a mace I like it…… They’re an interesting duo of mixed stuff. Protection being your purpose and what you’re worth for, literally being a meat shield (Laios, Tansu), finding your individuality recognized and validated through a growing bond with the other. Sticking around as a love language. Also bug immortalized in amber and it being beautiful.

Nevermind this wasn’t short. Um! Anyways.

[jasperyourmutt]

hi everyone <3

I have a bit of a life update. To make a long story short, last week I was diagnosed with PTSD. I have been having a... very hard time coming to terms with that. For most of my life I believed I just had a bad anxiety disorder, but I am now realizing that is unfortunately not the case. The past couple months I have been in a near constant state of fight or flight, fear, panic, whatever you want to call it- without really realizing it. and man. it has been exhausting, mentally, physically, spiritually. I just thought it was normal to feel like this all the time. i assumed everyone felt like this. my therapist has helped me realize I am in a lot of pain right now and it is not normal. so. the good news is that there is an intensive trauma therapy that I will be doing for the next couple months that is going to really help me recover. i love and trust my therapist with my whole heart. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i am finally getting the help i need. so. unfortunately I am going to step away from tumblr for a bit. i dont really want to do this, i love being on here. i love interacting with all the friends i've made here. kink has become a very important and healing part of my life. but it is just a little too much for me at the moment. I'm not sure when I will return, could be a couple weeks, a couple months. I'll return when I feel right. I feel like this may be a little odd to share here, but it's important to me to acknowledge and share that I have been having a really hard time. i tend to downplay when i'm in pain. i feel like people usually don't care about me (i know this is very very much not the case. im trying to convince my brain of that too.) its really hard for me to tell people when i am struggling, especially in my real life. so i am taking baby steps and starting here. so, until I return- chase your tails for me, roll in the grass, bark at the squirrels. take care of yourselves. if you are struggling, know youre loved. get the help you need. i will be curling up in my dog bed and taking a nap in the sun. ruff ruff. wag wag. much love to all of you.

[stuckinapril]

And on this Valentine’s I almost broke down in tears at a wife’s dedication to her heart surgeon husband whose brain is deteriorating with a rare case of dementia

[epicfirestormer]

How are we feeling Final Space fans

[curioscurio]

Got up early (for me), ate a light and healthy breakfast, applied to some jobs, took a long mental health walk with the dogs, gave one of them a bath, and even did some phone calls and messaging regarding my medication and pharmacy problems and managed to sort it out without breaking down!!! And! Showered!! Kicking ASS at mental health today

[fisheito]

here's your accursed tier ranking

17

sex yakumos that i had to meticulously screenshot and edit into slottable little squares

4

times i redid this list (over the course of several days)

The tiers (in words):

😔👌: Unfortunately, I Am Into That Shit (☆•̀‿•́): i quite enjoy these 🤔( ͡ಠ_ಠ)🔎: some parts i like, some parts i don't ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: ehh i'd rather watch something else

i COULD rearrange these rooms over and over and over (especially the middle tiers)

but we are nOt GOing to because if i spend ANY MORE TIME sliding yaku's horny squares around i'm goign to fmkkin lose it (it being my peanuts) I could end up rambling about specific rooms at a later date..... but not today. Today we will Restrain Ourselves.

So for now, here's 1 thing about each room that i like (same order as above)!!

Crimson Phantom R5: i can be uyuor devil

Dark Nova R2: THE FOFKIN COLLAR

Ocean Breeze R2: the way he tries to keep his voice down thru his pathetic little whimpers

Fateful Aegis R2: ENSLUTTIFICATION BEGINS **NOW**

Story H scene: ok.,, but he actually stopped. when eiden said slow down. tha't's unheard of in typical yaois

Cocoa Liqueuer R5: eiden purposely chooses the wrong dialogue option at every prompt and i'm laughing so sahgrd

Cocoa Liqueuer R2: yaku's stupid blissed out face *grips my glass so hard it shatters*

Shadow Lineage R5: *adds Snake Bondage [Quantity: 999] to cart*

Incognito Cafe R5: HOLY SHIT HE OBTAINED DICK RESTRAINT

Dark Nova R5: SNAKE TRAITS SNAKE TRAITS MONSTER TRAITS LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SR R5: something about those big doe eyes staring up at eiden while pounding into him

Shadow Lineage R2: yeah sure crush me against a wall

Ocean Breeze R5: the ECHO 🤣

Fateful Aegis R5: eiden predicting yaku's AssPoundXXXL initiation sequence with the foreboding "i'm sorry"

OG SSR R2:

Crimson Phantom R2: b. bite.

OG SSR R5: eiden worrying about getting yaku's ceremonial robes dirty and yaku's response is an instant I Don't Care 😳 (tbhypothetical if i were wearing an intricate cosplay that i spent foREVER on, all handstitched and made of expensive silks and crafted by my own labour,, and i was about to fuck someone against a wall? I am DEFINITELY taking that thing off. NO ONE is getting cum on that. you will sit there in horny silence while i safely store this garment out of range of the Splash Zone. so for yakumo to have no regard for his FANCY CEREMONIAL OUTFIT? to IMMEDIATELY focus on sloppy makeouts with eiden? that either speaks to his textiles skill or all-consuming horny.)

~~~ and if, for some reason, u want to know why the lowest 3 are , well, the lowest 3:

OG SSR R2: the room itself is aight, but it is unfortunately a near copy of the story H scene. Ahhh, death by comparison. This one gets shrugged to the side simply because i like more things about its twin.

Crimson Phantom R2: yaku is not having a good time, y'all. he is not in the right headspace and his evident suffering is a boner killer. if i were ranking based on character development and lore, this one would rank higher (thank you, surprise tragic stories about yakumo's childhood), but. he's kinda fighting a losing battle against his self-hatred so can eiden give him that hug pls

OH!! and no lie-- his voice unsettled me here. i know he's playing big into the roleplay thing but that Uncharacteristic Vocal Behaviour mixed with Big Sad spiralling is uhhhhhhh . so where's that Eiden hug??????

OG SSR R5: i unlocked this waaay late so it had to (unfairly) compete against newer rooms that I unlocked before it.

it's similar to when I played FF/X-2 before trying FF/VII (original PS version)?! i wish i had played the older one when it first released. that way, i would have appreciated it properly? BUT!! because i played out of order, i was spoilt with modern graphics and improvements that made the old game impossible to finish. I was too warped by then...

and that's what happened with this room. although i liked the concept + their dialogue, the art was too off-model for me to fully engage. i kept fixating on the anatomy or eiden's face. sigh... it was one of the earliest rooms so of course the art's improved since then!! but i was unlucky and watched it too late :( i could not enjoy its full splendour :(

[possamble]

I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way

[clarissaweasley-10]

Honestly l have to give it to JLB Grayson's character development is just soooo good he's seriously my most favorite character as of now.He went from being this (handsome)jerk to just a broken guy who tries to hide it from the world. He had been raised to be perfect,nothing less. He couldn't make mistakes, he wasn't even allowed to feel anything.As if this wasn't enough, he was made to believe that everything was his responsibility and if something fails then it's his fault.for the sake of my mental health (even tho most would say that it's a lost case) i won't be mentioning any cliff girls. From that he actually became a guy who accepted that it is alright to be wrong and sometimes you can't help making mistakes. He literally just learned and accepted being human. He learned to let his emotions come and felt them, something he hadn't allowed earlier.Even though shadows of his old self keep coming in between, it's okay, he can make mistakes bcoz he's human we all make mistakes and learn from them,that's the beauty of this journey, right?

[rudnitskaia]

yay a week until my 29th bday ✨🔥😎🔥✨

[liquidstar]

This is such a tangent btw but on the topic of guilt tripping and reblogs... I remember a few years back there were some terrible fires in Greece (and again this year, entire island villages are gone now) and at that time I had family who were caught in them. I can't describe the desperation I felt with these horrible things happening to my family and loved ones in my country. And I remember being frustrated and desperate with how no one around me in America really seemed to give a shit. I remember blogging asking people to PLEASE care please share something please reblog this link for mutual aid please think about the stories and fires etc etc etc. And the thing is I was very much in a state of grief myself, maybe not every word or action was perfectly reasonable, because I don't realistically expect everyone everywhere to care about every tragedy in the world. You can't. Emotionally it's just not possible, especially with all the stuff going on in the states rn too. Yeah it's a lot. It's not like I blog about every tragedy that ever happens either. I understand.

HOWEVER what I also remember was at this time there were a couple mutuals very clearly making vagueposts along the lines of "remember not everyone has the energy to care about everything in the world uwu" while I was posting about family who died and family who were drifting in the ocean for hours as their homes and loved ones burned. Listen. You have to understand sometimes that when a person in grief and frustration with things going on in their countries and communities impacts them very personally beg you to care... It's coming from a place of needing to see that care in the world in general. They're not holding a gun to your head Specifically saying you have to reblog the posts, if you don't have the energy just ignore it.

You don't have to go out of your way saying "um actually I can't care about the horrible stuff you and your family and your country are experiencing rn. I'm too busy focusing on my own stuff so can you be quiet or more reasonable with your grief thanks." Like. Just keep it to yourself then??? Have some fucking sympathy for other people and understand that maybe it's not always logical. The same way you don't have the emotional energy to think about every tragedy in the world, people who've been impacted by them often don't have the emotional energy to handle that alone and may seek somekinda community or solidarity. Idk. It's not about forcing shit on you sometimes it's not about you

[satari-raine]

Berlin - 12.08.2023. from II's Instagram story; photo credit to adamrosssi.