#now i have no money so i dont use the credit card which is bad my score might start dropping. the skeleton. i need to get a job . | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

falsehopesidkanymore · 6 months ago

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Tired. Just a vent. 7-7-24

All I can say is the way he constantly talks to me when we argue should've been a clear sign to stay away for good. I was ready to heal, it had been 2 months down and no contact, from being together for 11years and going through our bs, this was the longest we had not contact each other. And today, he had reminded me of the reason why I didn't want to contact him at all, I should not have answered his call, I should've had him blocked, but my dumbass always had this hope that he is still the same Chris I met in the beginning of our relationship. All he had to do was say the words I wanted to hear, "I miss you, I still love you etc." and with that, I found myself talking to him again, ready to try and start again for the millionth time.

This day was supposed to be a good day, we were leaving his moms place to get breakfast, he said "Who got breakfast this time, me or you?", I felt bad because he got food the last times, but I knew where I was at money wise, I recently quit my job and my new job dont start til August, I knew id have to work more uber eats and instacart delivery today just to make enough for my upcoming bills, if I was working it would be a different story and for sure I'd get us food, I always offer when I have money, but this time I suggested him and said "I think your richer than me right now", he agreed to get breakfast but said something along the lines of "how, when i been buying the food" to which I replied, "its because I got $600 monthly credit card bills on top that my other bills", we got in his car and he said "idk why you never listen to me" and suggested again that I file for bankruptcy, but I told him I already looked into it and decided to not take that route for reasons like: my car will get taken away, my credit will be bad for a couple years, itll be hard for me to get an apartment for a couple years etc., he said he can sell his car to me, and that the years will pass and its better to settle my debts, but I told him again that I already decided, and I dont want his car, I cant even drive stick, he called me picky, and kept insisting and giving me reasons as to why I should file bankruptcy.

I asked if we can just not talk about it anymore, he told me "im not the one who brought it up", I replied and said "you did actually" and he said "no, your gaslighting me right now", and I said "nope, you are the one who brought it up and is the one actually doing the gaslighting, I did mention my $600 monthly debt and you brought up the bankruptcy suggestion", he said im not making sense and was getting frustrated and I continued to try to make it make sense for him to understand it but he told me to "shut the fuck up already", and now at this point we are both mad at each other driving towards Mcdonalds, I told him to at least acknowledge it then ill be done with it bec its not right he tell me im gaslighting him when its actually reversed.

He kept saying that I should just shut the fuck up already and told me that im annoying, we were already at Mcdonalds drive thru at this point and I was so irritated at how he is speaking to me and told him i dont want anything anymore, & ofc I wasnt about to listen to his "STFUs", I made it clear that he should not tell me to stfu and that if he does im not listening and that I could speak when I want and that he needs to acknowledge that he called me a gaslighter when he was the one gaslighting me, he replied and told me that im too much, and im annoying and a bitch and that I really should just stfu, and I responded saying the same thing again, that no, thats not gonna work on me, im not going to shut up, he got his food and we drove out of mcdonalds.

I told him im done, were done and im not gonna take the disrespect again, he replied sarcastically "OooOohhh OoooOOkaAAaayy" as if to say im bluffing or that im just saying it and will still stick around (which I dont blame him for thinking this way bec its true, im always still around whenever he calls after our bs, my dumbass always has false hope), in response I said "im am done, fck this already, im just gonna go fuck someone else", I know it was wrong of me to say, but at the moment of anger and wanting him to see that I am serious, thats what came out my mouth, he called me a hoe and told me to go spread my legs and be a hoe, I told him that its actually him that is the real hoe when it comes to the opposite sex, I just say im gonna do things but he does the real action, brining up that everytime we break up he seeks validation of other women so quickly, finding out recently how quickly he downloaded Tinder again and even subscribed again and paid for the "tinder gold package", he said he never fucked anyone, but I told him that im not dumb and regardless if you didnt, thats what tinder is for, setting up a plan to eventually do it, I havent fucked anyone other than my ex at Saipan & in Hawaii so far its just him even after all our issues, and for him to call me a hoe when he does all this so quickly everytime we are apart pissed me off, so I told him "its you who is worse and is actually a hoe" , he responded "men cant be hoes, only women, were just hoe-makers", I was just mindblown at this point that this is really his mindset and I should've already known, he is an adrew tate fan, im stupid to think that 2 months is really gonna change a person, I expressed how fucked up that is to say and he continued to tell me to stfu and that all this started bec im broke and telling me to go home already.

We parked by my car at his moms house, I got out his car and told him he shouldn't be talking to me like that, went in my car, and started to drive away, as I passed by Mcdonalds I realized I left my weed with him, I felt so stressed and needed to burn, I turned around and called him, he answered with a "WHAT", I told him im going back to grab my weed from him, he told me "well good luck getting it back" and that i should ask a new guy to get me weed, I told him I just want it back, im stressed and it is mines from my uncle, he said "good luck im not home anymore" but as I turn in his street he was just leaving so I drove in front of his car to block him, but he went around me and drove off, we were still on the phone at this point and I said "wow, really" and he said yeah wow, and started to continue to say alot of toxic things so I hung up on him and just turned around and followed him tailing behind him, he wasnt stopping so I honked couple of times and saw he was blinking into the gas station, so I did the same and thought "finally, hes just going to give me my weed back", but boy was I wrong, what did I really expect, this is Chris.

He got out his car and proceeded to the gas pump, I got out as well, walked up to him and asked him if I can get my weed back, he said no and continued to ignore eye contact while inputting his card in the gas pump, so I checked his doors but they were locked, I kept asking him if he can just give it back and he kept saying no, I told him id leave him alone if he just gives it back, still he said no, out of frustration I became louder, asking the same question if he can just give me back my stuff, a guy in a moped came by us and asked if all was ok, Chris said yeah, and the guy said something along the lines of "u sure, i been hearing alot about girls asking for their things back" and Chris said "why your gonna do something about it?" and they guy was about to step off his moped and Chris put his phone down, but I stepped in between them and told Chris to just give me my stuff, he ignored me and still and told the guy something along the lines of that he grew up in nalo, oluolu st., as if to represent or as if that will be him appear tough, anyways at this point he went to sit in his car and I didnt see where the other guy went, but I stood by his door asking the same thing, and he told me no still, and said "you see what your causing", he drove off with his door still open bec I was standing by it and told me he going home and drove off, so i drove off as well to go to his place, but ofc he wasnt even home.

I parked on his street, thinking if i should just wait there or just go home already, he then texts me that im "fucking crazy" and that he "cannot believe I did all that for a nug" and that im "a fucking trip & acting like a kid", he proceeded to say he didnt give it back bec he didnt want me to leave (even tho he verbally said "go home") and that he just wanted to talk like adults (even tho how he was speaking to me was not how adults speak to each other), I responded and told him all he is saying is literally a projection of himself, its childish to hold someone stuff and keep it from them when they are asking for it back, and he shouldve just told me he wants to talk instead of calling me names, I told him im at his street and I just want my weed back, he told me he is at the other gas station bec i guess its my fault that he wasnt able to put gas at the other gas station we were at, he told me if i want my weed back id have to drive to him, I told him that im not trying to take Pali hwy back to town and that he needs to meet me at his street bec thats where he said he'd be, still he kept urging me to drive to him and that hes not doing me any favors after all that and that hes only gonna wait for me for a couple minutes, I told him I already followed him around and he drove off 2 times and its not fair and that he should be the one to bring it, and that if not I may need to turn to his family for help.

I stayed parked on his street and eventually after a couple mins I see his car pull in, he rolled up next to my car and handed me my weed back and drove off.

I am so damn tired of this, I was in the middle of healing and Idk why he had to text me and call me saying he misses me and wants to be with me, idk why I answered his call, I should've had him blocked, but now here I am, going through the same bs. & Chris being Chris, will most likely be seeking another girl for validation & supply while spreading his side of the story probably saying I am drama and toxic, in his eyes, he has no faults and is always the victim and sane one, and now I will have to start all over my healing journey. God, please give me the strength, im sorry Ive asked this a million times but you need to give me more strength than you normally do, you should know me, im weak & always hoping. I dont wanna be weak anymore, I wanna be strong and be good and whole on my own.

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bloodbankzz · 7 months ago

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i just dropped the invisible kingdom: reimagining chronic illness at 83% read because i am fucking furious with it. within the first few chapters i immediately had a bad feeling about her penchant for pseudoscience and i shouldve trusted my fucking intuition. instead i foolishly thought she would tie it all into how desperate populations can fall into the hands of grifters under the uncaring gaze of a "healthcare" system under capitalism and in the usa especially by the end, and FOOLISHLY, FOOLISHLY, FOOLISHLY recommended it TO AN ABLED PERSON to help understand the mental toll it all took even in the most ideal of circumstances. just to fucking watch this woman pile on dubious science after dubious science while she jet sets AROUND THE FUCKING WORLD spending what would easily be hundreds of thousands of fucking dollars AND NEVER EVEN BEING FIRED FROM HER JOB DUE TO DISABILITY? she just keeps her fucking dream princeton fuckin writer job the whole time. interviewing quacks because she was scammed, and she was scammed a lot. and im sorry to her for that. but not really because fucking ozone blood whatever and flying to england for fecal transplant and supplements and supplements and supplements and obvious orthorexia were clearly very within her budget. can you imagine a world where you rack up thousands and thousands and thousands in credit card debt and it just ends up not fucking mattering? oh my god i could be mad for so long at how much this rich woman got to see top doctors (without insurance!) and experiemental procedures and this and that and that and that with EXTREMELY sketchy conclusions because ~ shes a poet at heart ~ (?????????) AND THEN PUBLISH IT LIKE SHE SPEAKS FOR ANY OF US? reimagining chronic illness?????? for who????? no i can QUITE easily imagine that rich people do indeed have the ability to buy their way into health no matter what stupid path that leads them through. that happens all the time! remember the son blood infusion guy? god. im so fucking angry and its all of this but i really was gonna fucking put up with it and just add caveats but do you know what she fucking does?

after months of antibiotics, her lyme disease is seemingly cured. great for her. she reflects on how freaking awesome it is to have a body that works again! my body was broken and now its fixed and i can have a baby. im human again.

now this whole time, as someone who has been sick my whole life and will never have the money or life she has, i had been listening, and feeling seen by her emotional plight (if extremely skeptical of her... favored... choices?) but the whole time i will not lie to you i was simmering with this now exploding anger due to a deep envy. i am envious of a lot of people though, specifically because of my disabilities. so i was swallowing it. she got to make it to adulthood before she was dying. she got to establish and keep her career of choice. she could see any practioners she wished. i was so painfully jealous, but again, i was still recommending it on the basis of "this is how bad it is for the luckiest one of us." the betrayal i felt, when this book that kept SAYING it was about finding the ability to live in uncertainty brought on by mysterious illnesses, which i put up with through so many fucking red flags, ended with her literally fucking fine? pretty much fucking cured of the big thing causing her problems? AND IT TURNED OUT? THIS WHOLE THING? WAS ABOUT HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO EXPERIENCE CHRONIC DISEASE FOR SOME YEARS AND HOW GREAT IT IS WHEN YOU DONT ANYMORE AND YOU GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT?

she gets to feel human again. thats so fantastic for you. do you know what that makes me?

this would not be a big deal in a memoir about one womans decade(?i think) long struggle to get better and happy ending. neither would the glaring lack of real social justice & meaningful critique of a system aside from how it sucks for her specifically with a tiny bit of lip service for the rest of us with MASSIVE, GLARING BLINDSPOT OF PRIVILEGE unescapable in everything she fucking says and does. however. i would not have read that book. i picked up a book called Reimagining Chronic Illness. and i expected it to be about reimagining chronic illness. perhaps, starting from an empathetic touchstone of personal struggle.

0/5 all i wish is that i had trusted my fucking gut or that this book wouldve had the decency to show me what it was SEVEN FUCKING HOURS AGO. i can tell why an ableist society showered it with praise.

#I CANT BELIEVE I WASTED ALL THIS FUCKING TIME IM SO ANGRY #i just wanted to feel seen. man #i have been suffering so much especially this last month i just needed to know i wasnt alone

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ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall · 9 months ago

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this past monday I took smores to the vet to check his condition of chewing on his back legs and on his butt/ back area.

the vet gave him and allergy shot which fixed him and mentioned for long term care to have moisturizing wash baths and benadryls

vet also took his blood to test his liver values, bc in may 2023 when he went to a diff vet for stomach issues and they tested his blood and saw his liver values were off and they gave him liver vitamins to help support his liver which he has not been taking bc theyre chewables but he has not been taking them bc he does not like them

on wednesday his blood work came back and his liver values are still bad and also his kidneys are showing b.u.n? which i need to give the vet a pee sample

so now vet said to do an ultrasound for smores which will cover his liver and kidneys and if necessary will do a biospy after.

and I'm in disbelief because my baby dog is now sick and idk what is going to happen and not sure how much longer he will be with me

this mid week i was so depressed and stressed out bc of costs

the ultrasound i called about to 2 vet specialists our vet recommended and they have both quoted about $745-$920. which means to get an xray alone is already 1,000 dollars.

I can pay 1 ,000 dollars but what is next? how much will treatment be? i googled liver disease in dogs and one person said they paid 14,000$ just to get a diagnosis. I don't have 14,000 now, nor will I ever have it all at once.

I feel so helpless that I can not do more for my baby, and i dont know what to do, am I just suppose to not get him medical care??

I read posts from the rainbow bridge and people who say things like they wish they could have done more for him/her. i now know what that really means.

I thought about how I only have 4,000 and i just let my mom borrow it because shes fucking irresponsible and needs to pay back her debt. and she wont be paying me back for a while but I didnt think i would need that money rn and how wrong i was.

then my fucking big credit card is maxed out due to my mom's usage also. it would have 5,000 which i could have really used for the ultrasound.

and so i was sitting there flipping through my accounts and looking at my balances like a few thousand dollars was going to magically pop up in them and save me and my dog

i looked at my digit savings and even if i cash over absolutely everything I will have CLOSE to 4,000. not even 4,000 :(

then my paypal credit which i asked for a credit line increase and they gave me 2,000 but it said i do not get an actual card for it and its mainly for online purchases so that doesnt help me at all.

so finally i applied for care credit and luckily was approved for 5,000.

also to note i just bought my tesla and the payments are so high and insurance is through the roof and i will turn over this car if i need to to free up money to set aside for smores treatment so we'll see if it comes down to that. it's my dream car but i can always buy another one later and my baby dog needs me right now

so hopefully care credit is enough for everything and i really hope a biopsy will not be 14,000. if things can stay below 8,000 for everything than that is something that i can reach but if they start quoting me 20k or so I'm afraid i will have to make some tough decisions and start considering end of life services for smores.

I have been thinking about it and if it comes down to me absolutely not being able to afford paying for smores services then i will have to start having a conversation with his vet on what i can do to make sure he is comfortable for the rest of his time :(

this week has been me taking so many pics, spending so much time, making sure he feels loved and looking at him like i will never see him again. i keep thinking of how i dont want to think of what it will be like without him, im not sure i will be able to breathe. he is my soul dog and i love him with all of my heart

I called around to see if i could find a better deal on an ultrasound but it looks like i can't. i also have an option of 2 places and right now I have booked with the "better place " but its 3 weeks out and being that long out also stresses me out and idk

I been putting his liver supplements in his water so he can actually take some of it. I really wish I had been addressing this sooner.

with the death of my aunt who i love so much, stephen who was such a good friend and poor daniel. I just want to try to stay positive bc i jsut dont know what to do or think anymore.

the sudden deaths of my loved ones in such a little time has been so hard on me, I remember after finding out about each one my mind goes to a dark place and my body kind of falls apart for a time and it just feels like it gets weaker with each one. I have questioned my own health and then i get scared of what if

anyways so thats whats going on w smores so far

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thepowerisyouth · 11 months ago

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This started as a simple rant about gift cards but is probably turning into my master post on the lost story of the corporate gift card valuation crisis.

Starts as the simple rant but gets more technical in economics and accounting as it goes on- so fair warning.

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Gift cards are often thought of as a boring, low effort gift, although more polite than cash. Plenty of good reasons why they are a bad gift from a thoughtfulness standpoint, but I'm going to focus on the financial value.

Adult humans that live under capitalism are generally, learnedly able to understand the time value of money, even if they cant physically execute the calculations on paper. If you dont believe me, just trust me-- its how all of economics works. We are generally able to value things very well according to our own subconscious estimations.

This is not to say people who receive a gift card are just focused on the dollar figure, however I think the financial frustration lies with the fact that, inherently a $25 gift card is worth less than $25 cash. Probably a lot less

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As a present, gift cards remind me, actually, of the stereotype of a grandparent buying their descendents, "war bonds", but somehow gift cards are even worse.

Sorry this is going to be a long explanation of why gift cards suck--

A war bond, which is now simply called a US Treasury bill or bond, is a 'redeemable certificate', which allows the current owner to be sure that the dollar amount (face value) shown on the certificate will be granted, plus interest accumulated from the point of issue until the present date, and the note is redeemable early in most common cases, and is redeemable at most banks or financial institutions around the world. Well... they might not now but they are supposed to

Section 1. Bond overviews

These Treasury bonds are just debt that the US government, i.e. the taxpayers, have to pay back to whoever purchased this bond.

Economics is intended to be confusing to understand, an example of this being how they love to make it hard to understand that every time you hear about bonds and interest rates they are talking about gambling with our public taxpayer debt. Calling it "buying bonds" makes it seem more normal investy stuff

Anyway-- so this is debt right? Well like all debt, it requires a good credit score, and collateral. The official term is "backed by the full faith and credit of the United States Government"

In summary of this section using numbers:

If you get a treasury bond that says $100 & 5% annual interest, the Treasury department guarentees you can receive $100 amount in the future (maturity date), as well as $5 per year for your troubles, unless the US government is toast at any point.

If the holder sells the bond prematurely on the 'secondary market'--which is the clever term for the stock market for bonds-- they might get more or less than the "face value" depending on current interest rates, if those current rates differ from the interest rate set on the bond at hand.

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Section 2: Basic Bond Valuation

So using previous example, the face value of $100, and that only comes back from the treasury department on maturity day (up to 30 years away now for long term bonds)

So in the meantime, people "trade" (gamble most of the time) those bonds on the market. Cause why the fuck not?

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Most of the time, in a non inflationary environment, bonds with expiration dates of less than 5 years do not change price much at all in this 'secondary market'.

Why? Well--

In an inflationary environment (only recent examples are 1970s & 2020s) most bonds are decreasing in value, with the lowest interest rate bonds decreasing the most. Every other period has bond prices generally flat (so you still get the 5% interest) or trending up

The economic mechanics behind what lowers bond prices in high interest rate environments is pretty simple-- if I have a 30 year loan the government owes me, with 5% annual interest, and the guy who bought the same 30 year bond back in 2017 only got 2% interest, then I have an inherently more valuable loan or bond.

Going to start circling back to gift cards-- A 0% bond is only worth more than a negative interest bond.

(looking at you japan they were briefly paying banks 0.5% interest to borrow money from the government. As in a -0.5% interest loan)

Okay gift cards time

$25 Gift card = corporate bond of face value $25, with 0% interest, and is only redeemable in person at the companies restaurant with immediate purchase of their product

A gift card is identical then to the boring "war bond" gift, except that:

1) it can only be redeemed at their limited locations in person, and only with immediate purchase of their product or service

2) this certificate does not accrue any interest, which means that from a value standpoint its guarenteed to lose value over time unless interest rates are below 0% like japan had

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Again, most people are very capable of understanding that the value of a 0% corporate bond which cannot be easily sold is worth less than the face value-- much less. Just most people probably dont have the experience in finance to put to words why exactly that situation is so frustrating from a financial standpoint

What a stupid gift, cash is way better.

Especially in an inflationary environment like the 2020s. my god the valuation loss of all the gift cards recently is incalculablely enormous

It would be a very snarky, not nice response to being gifted a gift card if the receiver replies back that the technical market value of this $25 gift card is actually $14.75 due to the current globally high interest rate environment in addition to the company having a BBB Moody's credit rating rather than a perfect AAA

I'm very, very tempted to do a sample valuation of a random hypothetical gift card to reinforce this point, but valuations arent quick and I already know it would take me half the day just researching the numbers to put together for it

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I had no idea I was going to have this much to say but we're on edit #4 to this post Im gonna keep going:

The inflation of the 2020s has led to the largest (by dollar value and probably other metrics) corporate bond valuation crash of the.. ever

But corporate bonds are mostly held by the upper middle class & higher, as well as other corporations. So of course we hear them crying about their loss of wealth. Easiest example can be found by looking for the annual returns on an ETF which trades only corporate bonds. They got fucked in 2021 and arent back yet

What I'm getting at is that most poor people do not own individual bonds-- its just not really something that makes sense as a poor person.

Back to poor people's wealth--

Someone who has a retirement funds might invest in corporate bonds through that fund. But dont get me started on how complicated those funds investment strategies are to mitigate the risk (but yes they arent good at risk mitigation lose value a lot from dumb preventable mistakes).

And also looking at 5 yr price charts for many retirement funds, the ones with more corporate bond holdings have done way worse than their peers in the retirement fund game who put more money in stocks over that period

Poor people do, however, give each other gift cards... a lot. Weve kind of been told for a long time that its a more appropriate gift than cash. I wonder whod want us to think that. Maybe the corporations who are getting away with selling hard-to-redeem junk bonds as "gift cards"?

Likewise with all corporate bonds lately, the total balance of gift cards issued & held by the general public is larger than it has ever been in prior decades like the 1970s. There was issues with gift cards then, just the total amount was much, much less

Except probably not anymore-- only the face value being reported on their financial statements is that high, as accounting standards do not require companies to regularly value their gift card balances at market value. They are allowed to report it at face value, until it is removed from their balance sheet and resolved as pure income. Not 100% sure the GAAP guidance for it, but I know they dont HAVE to specifically mark down gift cards as they dont have expiration dates. I know that if a company did need to mark down that debt balance for whatever reason, the only way to lower that balance is by calling it "other income".

So poor people have felt a multi-billion dollar loss of wealth from gift card values, which is obviously not ever going to be studied or talked about cause who the fuck cares about poor people

And when that loss does get "realized" from an accountant standpoint-- it would be considered income for the fucking corporations.

Actually reminds me of Starbucks class action about the gift card balance. Lot to dig into there but thats more because of their extra predatory practices around redeeming it

#unique gifts #gifts #stocks #bonds #gift cards #I really hate all the $15 gift cards I have to shitty restaurants that I dont want to eat at #I would much prefer it if I had a collection of $15 treasury bonds #if anyone has trouble understanding bonds #just think of them as gift cards that change in value depending on the health of the company #which is what you would want out of a gift card #because if the company is going tk bad financial health they might go bankrupt and youd never be able to redeem the gift card #gift cards were a good scam companies thought of #corporate bonds #wealth #economics #accounting

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anandasamsara · 1 year ago

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so, im a little bit terrified rn

my parents just trew a bomb at me, so in 2 months max i have to start paying the installments of the apartment mom bought

dad says he has no money left, i know mom doesnt, but i also dont

when we bought the place, dad promised to pay what was left, bc we couldnt pay it upfront bc mom paid a debt HE had of 28k, tha didnt even help us bc that wasnt the only debt dad has

we also had to spend A LOT of money bc he got sick, and in the end the problem wasnt even that big, but we spent 10k more on it

all the while we, mom and i, left our own health go to shit bc his was more urgent

he went to his school last week to see if they would have an opening for him for next year (public school), but they said they wont, so what he did?? he went to the psychiatrist THE DAY AFTER and got another medical leave. which means his salary will drop 50% and he cant try to get another school to teach at bc no one will take a teacher who's on medical leave

he has an actual job with an actual salary, but now the responsibility is all on me, who gets less than minimum wage and is trying to get my disability legally diagnosed

i've already told my boss to hold onto my october salary so she can pay me a full month on november, which means i have no money all of october and cant even go on site, ill have to work from home the whole month

and i have other things going on, two conventions on weekends that i have no idea how to go to now. still have to buy more material even to take printing commissions

and i have to deal with daily fights, mom saying i need a real job all the time and that what i do doesnt count, and i havent managed to get an interview to anything, i had two in 4 years and then nothing

my friends keep sending me interview tips and such, but they mean nothing if i cant even get one

some other friends asked me if there was nothing i could sell to make some fast money, but the only thing i have is this computer and i need it for work

i dont have enough privacy to try to sell fucking pics on fucking only fans, no one buys my art, i cant count on help from my own family bc my fucking godmother thinks all of us live like her with a 10k salary and npthing to spend it on, so she makes a credit card for her fucking cats but wont help her only niece

and after all that, i went to a party to see some friends today and i realized i have no friends, no one talked to me, i was fully excluded from all conversations and only talked to another friend who showed up unnanouced with his angel of a girlfrend, and even they noticed no one was talking to me and that feels humiliating after everything ive been through

and then i have to question myself if everything is so bad or if im being dramatic and nothing is wrong beyond me, and if iim the oly thing thats wrong how can i fix it

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belphies-cuhm-sluht · 4 years ago

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And here's a thought! Lucifer and Belphegor pining after the same F!reader. A fic or headcanons, whichever is easier for you. How would they go about wooing her? What are their flirting techniques? Who's more touchy feely and who drowns her in words? I want that good, kind of filthy because we know they dont play fair, brotherly competition

Sincerely,

Your favorite aka the Queen of Smut @diavolosthots

Lucifer and Belphegor Pining Over The Same F!MC Headcanons

did I get carried away with this? Yes. Did it go from Headcanons to like ... headcanony fic? Yes. Do I Hope it’s still good? Also yes.

This isn’t friendly competition, not at all. As soon as they realized that they liked the same girl, it was like a race to see who could get to her first, who could win her over first. They are out to spoil each other's plans, no matter what it takes.

Lucifer would take you out on little lunch dates or grand dinner dates, it just depends on how busy he is, but he does enjoy smaller lunch dates since the restaurants aren’t packed during the day, but the dates were always under the guise of a friendly lunch or a generous dinner for helping around the house. His pride made it hard for him to handle any type of rejection, so he never told you that it was a date, just in case you didn’t like it.

Belphie, if he found out about the reservation that Lucifer had made, would always attempt to hold everything up. The dishwasher just so happened to start leaking bubbles from the bottom as soon as you and Lucifer were about to leave, or all the lights in the house somehow went out while you were getting ready. Strange things, but they were also normal things that could happen in a normal household. You were none the wiser to what was going on, but Lucifer knew, and he could play just as hard at that game.

Belphie wasn’t one to take you out of the house, he didn’t see the point in doing it. He could have a normal date with you up in the attic, and that’s exactly what he does. Snacks lined up next to the beanbags that he has placed in front of the television. Just a simple movie night, and the best part is that, this was one of the things that he and you did before he even realized that he had feelings for you, so you wouldn’t think any different of it, but this was his way of getting closer to you.

Lucifer hated it, he hated how simple it seemed to be for Belphie. He was lazy, so he didn’t have to try as hard to impress you. Him just getting out of bed was a means for a round of applause from you. He wasn’t one to spoil things the way Belphie did, but he would text you occasionally during your movie, just to make sure that you were still capable of texting back. Sometimes, if you didn’t text him back within ten minutes, he’d go up to the attic himself and inform you that it was time for dinner, or that he needed your help with something.

It started out as somewhat normal brotherly competition, but once one of them started getting handsy, that’s when the other ramped it up. Lucifer was definitely more handsy, although he’d play it off quite well. Pulling you into his lap in his office while he worked, and when you’d question it, his excuse was that you kept him from getting up and getting distracted. Now, he and you both knew that he wasn’t the kind of person to get distracted, but he also did seem to work much faster with you on his lap. That, and the fact that his arms were on either side of you so you couldn’t really move, and his chin was resting on your shoulder. What better way to get closer to someone than to actually have them close like that? That was Lucifer's way of thinking, and Belphie didn’t like it one bit.

Belphie was too awkward to do stuff like that, not that he didn’t hold onto you during the naps that the two of you took together, but that was normal to him, and it was normal to you as well. Any other kind of physical affection though… he couldn’t do that. What if you pulled away from him? What if you didn’t like it? That was scary to him.

Belphie liked to use words, and while he wasn’t the best at telling you how he felt, it seemed way better than just pulling you onto his lap and staying silent. That just seemed awkward. His “words” were usually just off handed compliments, things that wouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable, and things that he found easier to get out. He wouldn’t stumble over his words when he told you that your hair looked nice, and he wouldn’t turn into a blushing mess when he complimented your outfit or your shoes. It was easy, and you would always smile and thank him when he said those things. Your reactions alone made him feel like he was winning, and they made Lucifer more irritated because you didn’t smile and thank him when he held you on his lap. What did he have to do to receive the same gratitude?

Soon though, they got tired of basically beating around the bush. You were either clueless to their advances, or just didn’t like either of them. No matter what, they had to find out, and they were going to try twice as hard. The bad part is just that though… they were both trying, and that was a recipe for disaster.

Lucifer is used to getting what he wants, when he wants, no matter what it is. His best friend is the king dammit, and he isn’t going to give up. If he has to bring Lord Diavolo into this, he will. Don’t doubt him.

Belphie on the other hand, he’s not used to getting what he wants at all, but he feels like he at least deserves to have you considering you’re the reason he got locked away in the attic in the first place and he still wants to be with you. That should amount to something in your eyes, right? Can’t we just get over the fact that he killed you once and then attempted to do it again?

Lucifer started bringing random gifts and flower bouquets to your room. Stuffed teddy bears, and random pieces of jewelry that “caught his eye” and “made him think of you”. Everything that he got you was exquisitely beautiful, and probably worth more than everything you owned combined.

While he had the upper hand monetarily, Belphie had the upper hand in the fact that he was easier to get along with, and those kinds of things weren’t really expected of him. Sure, he had money, but unlike Lucifer he didn’t spend it on grand things to try to buy you over with.

Now, every time Lucifer even comes to your bedroom with gifts, Belphie is in there with you, and that in itself was his gift. He was staying awake, for you. That’s not to say that he didn’t get you things though, but they weren’t as marvelous as the gifts that Lucifer got you, but they had more meaning than a silly little bracelet or multiple vases filled with flowers.

Belphie had gotten you a little cow plushie, and it had a simple note attached to it that said “When you can’t be with me, you can still cuddle with a little piece of me.” And now you brought it with you everywhere, even into Lucifer’s office.

If gifts didn’t work, well… then they’d just go at it full force. Lucifer would put some of his pride aside, and Belphie would let his hatred for Lucifer really shine as they both tried to win you over.

Lucifer would lock Belphie up in the attic for an entire and if you asked where he was he would lie and say he went out with someone else, hoping that it would make you not want to see him anymore. Then he’d take you out on a date, only to find that his credit card isn’t in his wallet and you end up having to pay for the meal.

Yes, Belphie stole Lucifer’s credit card, and the guy should be happy that he just hid it in the attic instead of giving it to Mammon.

Whenever Belphie tried to hang out with you, Lucifer would miraculously claim that it’s room inspection day, which only seemed to begin just recently, and the attic always seemed to need to be cleaned, and so did your room… although Lucifer would always offer to help you with your room when it needed to be cleaned.

If Lucifer had you in the office with him while he was working, Belphie would text Lord Diavolo and tell him that Lucifer wanted to hang out today and he was just too prideful to ask. He knows all too well that Lucifer can’t say no to Lord Diavolo.

That, in turn, had Lucifer using the same trick against Belphie with Beel though. He’d tell Beel that Belphie wanted to work out at the gym with him and was just too embarrassed to ask since he was so scrawny and weak.

It was a constant tit for tat, back and forth with the two of them, and finally they wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore. They’d sit you down at the table, and even though they’re kicking each other under the table, they’re smiling at you.

“I like you, Y/N… so… who are you going to choose?”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #om! shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me scenarios #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me! shall we date #obey me belphegor #obey me Lucifer #obey me lucifer x mc #obey me Lucifer x reader #obey me belphegor x reader #obey me belphegor x mc #lucifer avatar of pride #belphegor avatar of sloth

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inkstainedwanderer · 2 years ago

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Okay, my cousin indirectly inspired my new gameplan for fixing my current depressive slump.

When I get overwhelmed I get paralized. Unless I can fix the problem on a large scale, I sit there agonizing over what to do. Then I slowy stop doing other things until those become massive problems and on and on until I am as I am now. It's like when you mess up in a video game so bad you have to consider restarting because the effort to fix it feels way too much.

My biggest issue since I had my surgery has been money. I've pretty much been living off of handouts when I actually ask for help and dont try to live without. This includes rent. This last month I decided I didnt want to ask for help and would rather be homeless because I genuinely cant bring myself to ask for it anymore. I want to repay all the money given to me but it's getting to be so much I'm now freaking out over that too. My friends got me a ticket to go to Chicago with them and I couldnt decide if I was upset or happy because I now feel like I need to pay them back as well. I told my cousin this and she ended up giving me her credit card temporarily to pay rent, telling me to make sure I have a place to live in first and then worry about paying off the card second. Because I dont have to ask the card for help, I'm not as stressed about that aspect or whether or not I'll be homeless. My new job starts next week and it pays pretty well so I just have to focus on paying off the card, food, and electric rather than figuring out if my $200 paycheck should be saved to try and pay off some of my rent or used for food (between the three electricity seemed like less of a need).

But now I have all the issues that came about while I was contemplating homelessness... like how I dont have the energy to cook and how my apartment is TRASHED. For the past couple days I was stressing over food. I dont have a car to grocery shop and I didnt have the energy to cook or clean. So I was going into "sleep mode" ordering out once a day and then going back into sleep mode to essentially try and not waste energy. Which was neither healthy or monetarily responsible.

Today I paid rent and was thinking about how the credit card let me gain enough energy in the short term to actually work on my problem in the long term. So I applied that to my food.

I walked to the store and bought enough food I could carry that I dont need to prep or cook along with plasticware. It still isnt healthy, but at least now I'm not stressing about what to eat and how I'm throwing my money down the drain ordering out. So now I'll hopefully have the energy to motivate myself to start working on the next problem which is cleaning again. Cleaning means I'll stop avoiding the rest of the apartment, so I dont have to lay in bed all day and I can feel good about cooking again.

If I can get to a point where I can take care of myself again I might have the energy to socialize and be productive in ither areas besides survival.

Why did nobody tell me that small, temporary steps are okay towards solving massive problems?

#Inkstained rants #Depression

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oh-for-fic-sake · 5 years ago

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Interview With Mr Wayne

Masterlist

You visit Bruce after inning your court case to celebrate but Bruce hashad a bad day and decides tocheer imself up with a little roleplay~

Warnings: Adult Situations 18+,Smut ,Teasing ,Fingering, Sir Kink?, Panty Kink?, Desk sex, Swearing!, Overstimulating

A/N: This has been sitting on my tablet for about eight nine weeks maybe more? Finally finished it. Just been so side tracked with my other stories. But here is some Bruce Wayne smut..I hope you like it xx

Taglist: @125bluemachine125 @iloveyouyen @thefangirlsblog @itismineru @tinabean37

You quickly ran through the lobby of the tower barely remembring to swipe your card against the reader, a new addition that Bruce had installed since nearly getting caught with you in the public elevator now you had a private elevator that lead you to the left of his office in a small concealed hall next to the toilet just behind Mary's desk and it needed a card to access it wasnt much but it was something, its not like you were ever going to convince Bruce to not have sex at work...It was like asking the man to stop being a smug little shit or like asking Tim to cut out caffeine it just wasn't going to happen. You came to a stop trying to bite back a squeal, you was happy so happy, your old boss had decided to settle out of court once all the evidence was put out for her to see some of which was going to be on her record for a long time. Tom had quit once he heard about what had happened and she had gone bust and couldn't afford to go to court already processing for bankruptcy. Tom is trying to buy it from her and was going through getting a loan from the bank. Bruce had said if they didn't aprove he would give Tom the money outright just to 'piss off that bitch'. You on the other hand didn't care about that instead you was pleased with the fact that you hadn't hid behind Bruce,you had done it alone... You had won by yourself well with the help of two of Bruce's lawyers..He wanted you to use them all but eight seemed a bit over the top, either way you kept Bruce out of it. You wanted to prove that you could stand on your own two feet in some respects. Your aim was to make an example of her, to show that you are a force to be reckoned with in your own right and that just because you have been quiet up until now does not mean you'll let everyone walk over you, not anymore. You smiled in the elevator mirror pulling at your blazer shimmying your bra as the bones dug in to your ribs making you wince you'd gone dressed in a two piece pinstripe suit, smart high waisted straight cut pants the blazer had two rows of buttons giving what you called the 'old mafia' vibe and a dark plum almost black shirt stolen from Bruce's closet for...Reasons. Your high heels echoed on the marble floor as you exited the elevator rounding the corner seeing Mary sitting there balancing a pen below her nose on her lip you giggled. "Working had or hardily working?" She jumped dropping the pen on the desk turning to look at you and wolf whistled. "Well if I didn't know for definite that you were bobbing my bosses knob I'd try to peel that suit of you and have a taste myself you look delicious!" You rolled your eyes used to the womans not so subtle flirting. "If I ever get curious I will give you a call" she giggled at your monotone reply licking her lips "Promises promise's~" you huffed at her shaking your head then nodded to the full board room Bruce sitting at the head of the table looking just about done with their shit. His shoulders were tense and squared as one little man raised his voice across at him. You licked your lips taking your bottom one into your mouth biting it as Bruce held his gaze steady and smiled making the other one sit his scrawny as back down. Fuck yes, you loved boss Bruce, and Batman Bruce and Alpha Bruce fuck any Bruce...But Boss Bruce got you going like nothing else, you almost whined seeing him work, a stern gaze across the table daring them to challenge him further. Oh god you just wanted to walk in and fuck him there and then, let the others see him fuck the life out of you. You sucked on your bottom lip again trying to fight back a pitiful whine. So public sex may have become a kink since your little holiday...You'd both been caught fucking on the beach by one of the staff Bruce hired to take care of the house and when he hadn't stopped just kept rutting into you faster knowing they were stealing glances, the way his voice dropped teasing you about having an audience how he wanted you to give them a show. Ugh. It had made you cum so hard you passed out for a few seconds and when you woke he was still at it albeit slower and biting off chuckles away as you flushing so fast you became dizzy below him. "You need a drink your looking thirsty there" you snapped yourself out of your thoughts and glared playfully at the woman as she got up walking to the small corridor you'd came from, not only did it hide the new elevator and toilet but also a small kitchenette. You sighed following her taking one last glance as Bruce pointed sterny at a few of the men you could only imagine how deep his voice had gotten you shivered. "Come on before you leave a puddle! They have only just polished this shit...And I don't feel like trying to find a 'caution wet floor' sign" you groaned at her. She hopped up on to the counter waiting for the kettle to boil. You moved to lean against it placeing down Your bag and the folder holdjng your settlement details you'd brought with you to show Bruce. "Sooo where did you go off to back there? It looked...fun" you smiled at her blushing. "Just thinking of our holiday was all...We experimented, seeing him in there just reminded me" she moved adding sugar to two cups snorting at you before nudging you playfully. "Oo kinky tell me more~" "I dont kiss and tell Im afraid...Not sober anyway" she snorted at that then waved a hand at you. "Kiss and tell? psh like all you did was kiss...So no details?, not one tiny little ounce of Juicey gossip? come ooonnn!" you shook your head at her with a grin and she pouted "Oh boo! your just like him no fun at all! , I tried getting details out of Bruce and he just went red and shy...SHY! I didn't know he could do shy... So what ever you did Mama me next? please and thank you" you flushed at her laughing her off as she handed you your tea wrigglingnher eyesbrows. You both sat in comfortable silence for a few moments sippingnyour drinks. "Soo? Did you top him?" You choked spitting your tea back into the cup coughing and then turned to her gaping like a fish. "Where did?-did he tell you?" Her face lit up and she giggled around a whispered 'HO-LY SHIT!' "Oh my fuck you did! Get it girl! You teach that big boss man! You make him eat the peach?" You blushed and stam,ered tryjng to find the words to get out of this one. "Oh fuck shit look seriously dont tell anyone he'd never forgive me if that got out!" "Oh honey no! I'd never!...But no he didn't tell me I guessed, you know he did go shy so...Must have been somthing new...But kudos to giving him a taste of girl power..Enjoy yourself atleast" "Oh...well yes I was surprised I managed to pull it off..I mean Bruce is big and strong and I wasn't exactly sure the cuffs would hold when he realised what I did he got smug teasing me...Then mad when he realized I wasnt fucking around-" she squealed and bounced on the spot "Shit!? You just sprung cuffs on him?! wow Mama you got a set of balls!...Bet you paid for it" you chuckled sipping your tea. "Well.. He got his pay back...The man has more stamina then I give him credit for..." she snorted nodding shaking her head dropping to conversation seeing you were uncomfortable. You shifted before speaking up again. "So how long has he been in there for?" She peered around the side into the hall that had a veiw of the clock. "Bout three hours...They are opening a new office in central city which Bruce is fine with, it will make a few things easier...But the board want to place one of their sons as the branch manager, Bruce said no. This kid has only been here for two years and hasn't got a single promotion or anything! He isn't really any good at his job ,he only got the job by pulling strings. Bruce wants to promote someone who deserves it not hand it over to some fucking daddies boy...But true to form this guy started going ahead anyway, telling the others that Bruce agreed apparently, daddy promised this little shit the job...This tit doesn't know it yet but Bruce is about to fire him his son and two other board members for this little drama." You frowned at her "He can do that? I thought only the share holders or some shit could sack someone that high up?" She gave you a look and blinked slowly. "Honey your man is the main shareholder...He owns like ninety percent of the company....Thats why his name is on the building...On that note lets head back I wanna see this...You probably will to just remember no puddles~" you moved to swipe at her playfully as she scampered away down the hall laughing you followed snatching up your folder holding the documents of your settlement in your hands.

You turned the corner you heard raised voices and saw Bruce sitting leaning back arms crossed his head was tilted and he looked pleased with himself as the three older men and one young sprog was stangding before him each in various emotional states. The oldest one was shouting at Bruce with animated hand gestures towards himself and the young man; you assumed he was the father and son. The young man was more panicked then anything you could see from here he didnt want to be there, he wanted his father to shut up and to leave. You turned your attention to the other two middle aged men around Bruce's own age both had seemed to accept what ever had just happened. Bruce moved forward sitting staight then pointed to them saying something else making everyone in the room flinch then he leaned back holding his hands out at his sides then nodded to the door. You froze as Bruce saw you and smiled at you for a second, your view was interrupted as the now unemployed men tried storming past the desk. "Err excuse me gentlemen? I'm afraid you will need to hand in your company id's and passes..." the eldest swore and clambered over to the desk, you moved to the side with your tea and sipped it slowly. Letting the irate man pull his wallet from his pocket tearing the cards out and slammed them down then he turned to his son who handed in his id sheepishly then they both left quickly with one last snarl to Bruce through the glass. You released a breath when all four men were in the elevator and out of sight. "I always hated that man, rude and pig headed...He is elitist...Which is pretty ironic when you realise he was raised by working class parents." You snorted at her then turned to the board room as Bruce said something that looked like a threat well if the reactions were anything to go by. Then he dismissed the remaining men with a wave of his hand. Before any of them were out he had already signaled you to enter the room. You moved picking up your cup and folder then circled Mary's desk. "Ooo the board room today? I shall put the cleaners on sandby" You flipped her the bird as she laughed out loud "Fuck you Mary" you called over your shoulder walking towards the door. "If only you would my love~" you giggled at her shaking your head. You bit your lip watching as the men leaving the room all but jumped out of your way, not wanting to risk any contact with you especially when Bruce was watching them like a hawk....And in what they precived as a bad mood. The last man held the door open for you as you entered you nodded to him. "Thank you" he stuttered flushing as you smiled "Y-your welcome" he quickly left the room almost tripping over his feet as Bruce's gaze scalded his back.

You walked forward towards him as he spun his chair to face you a devious smirk on his face man spreading with his hands resting just above his crotch. "Well what do we have here?..Heels? Pantsuit? And no doubt that folder's holding the little ladies resumé..." you squinted at him playfully and recived a wink in return. So thats how he wants to play it today?. You smiled you'd play along. You moved standing taller. Prouder. "Of course Mr Wayne...Would you like a peek?" Your words rolled off the tongue in a sultry voice full of promise. He moved holding out a hand for you to place the folder in it. "Only if your offering Mrs?" "Miss Cooke with an E and if I wasn't offering I wouldn't be here I assure you" he chuckled a deep smug sound that made your knees quiver slighltly as you played along with him. He hummed flicking open the folder scanning the documents. Your heart sped up as his smirk got wider and wider untill he was grinning like a cheshire cat. "Very impressive...Your Boyfriend must be proud of you for such an acomplishment" you giggled taking a step closer to him. "I'd like to think so Mr Wayne" you grinned yourself as you saw him stiffen at you calling him his title. He quickly flipped the folder closed and let hit fall onto the huge table with a slap. "I would say most definetly...I wonder what he would think? you being here at my disposal?" you sucked through your teeth. "Well he is a man in uniform, bit of a brute at times but there are ways to placate him, I'm sure I can persuade him ~ if I think the reward is great enough" he chuckled shaking his head and gave a lopsided grin before speaking in a gravley tone low and tempting. "Oh I assures you miss Cooke it will be worth it~" you moved forward leaning on the table infront of him hands gripping the sides and leaned down bending at the waist holding his gaze before trailing down to his crotch then back up smirking. "Ha! come now Mr Wayne...There are certain things we both know money can't buy~" he moved forward to capture your lips but you dodged him swiftly. He growled and leaned back taking a quick glance to the door seeing Mary had gone...The elevator light red signaling noone was going to reach this floor until he reactivated it, a very good investment if he did say so himself!. He turned to you smirking knowing just how this will play out. He moved a hand capruting your bottom lip with his thumb you licked at him making him humm, then you pulled it into your mouth watching him closely as you wrapped your tongue around him lapping and massaging it he smirked and pressed down lightly making you moan and suck harshly. "..So a sharp tongue...Not to sharp, you mouth will come in handy" you hummed a a small giggle around his digit and bit lightly running your teeth over him as he withdrew you winked at him playfully smaking your lips at him. He rolled his eye before snapping back into 'boss mode' crossing his arms over his chest leaning into the plush leather chair rolling it back a foot or so, taking his time to drink in the sight of you. Leaning back on the table he was about to make a mess of~ the pant suit definitely accentuated your curves the top button of the jacket fighting to contain your breasts he knew were being held high by a balcony bra just below... He grunted raising in his seat trying to catch a peek of the deep cleavage the bra produced but nope...Nothing the shirt you wore was large and fit snugly but sadly there were none of the dreaded button gaps for him you use as his own private little peep show. "I can see you have the skills for the most part...However there are some...Personal aspects to the position I can't have just anybody as my assistant, they have to have a drive...A willingness to do anything it takes to get the job done...Tell me Miss Cooke could you see yourself going the distance....The whole nine yards so to speak?" You snorted at him and tried swollowing a chuckle...You tired to hold it in but you couldn't. He smiled dropping his roleplay for a second shaking his head at you but quickly you found your composure and stood straight. "I think nine is pushing it~" he frowned at you playfully and crooked a finger with a sly look. "Oh really what ever happened to 'oh Bruce its in my tummy~'" you gasped horrified as he tried mimicking a high moan...You have never said that!....Well you don't think you had to be honest when your fucking him you never really know what's coming out of your mouth... "YOU?! I have never said that....Have I?" He through his head back laughing loud echoing through the large empty space. "No but you've thought it~ I can tell...Either way my sweet little woman why don't we see if its possible~ see if you can back up those words" you shook your head blushing it was completely possible youd screamed that out at him. And the idea you could have shamed and aroused you. "...I'm sure I could handle anything your dishing out Mr Wayne." He groaned moving his hands away from his stomach reajusting himself tugging his belt. You flushed when his hand rose quickly pulling your shirt from your pants he chuckled seeing how far it fell... It was definitely one of his, that would be why there was no tugging on the buttons you smiled shyly. "Your Boyfriends?" And just like that the game was back on track. You moved twiddling the lower buttons of the shirt a little embarassed about stealing it this morning. "W-well Mr Wayne today was a big day...Its intimidating coming here, standing on my own two feet...His scent calms me down I feel safe" he smiled softly before slowly popping the buttons on the suit jacket pulling it off and letting it fall to the floor behind you he burst out laughing as the sleeves of his shirt fell down a good few inches over your hands as the jacket wasnt holding them up and longer. "Hey! Don't laugh at me!" He moved forward kissing you softly. "Sorry sweets...You just look so cute!" You pouted as he ran his hands across you slowly pulling the shirt up snaking a hand the the side zipper of the trousers and with a quick flick of his wrist the heavy fabric fell to the floor with a soft thump.

He moved back taking a moment to admire you standing in just his shirt and underwear before him. It looked like a dress how you smoothly tucked it in, he didnt have a clue he groand and bit his lip then moved. He rolled the chair back towards you and pressed you to sit on the table. You half expected him to slip his hands under your ass and drag down your panties but he didn't. He pushed both feet to rest on the egde of the table forcing you to lean back and catch yourself on your hands. "Bruce?" His eyes flicked up to your uncertain gaze he just grinned wickedly and winked at you. "Hold still Miss Cooke~" and with that he moved his hands from the bottom of your legs, running his fingertips along your calfs making you shiver as he formed goosebumps on the skin, your breath hitched when he continued dragging them along your soft thighs down towards your center. Your pussy clenched and you moaned softly almost trying to rock towards him but you held back not moving you didnt' was to fall off the table. You flushed heart racing and your pussy wept onto the cotton making you whine knowing it wouldn't be long befor he noticed. Bruce chuckled at your little whines and soft pants as he bypassed your center and cupped the top of your thighs moving to your hips rubbing slow warm circles before retracing his movements coming back to the soft pudgy thighs then up. He moved again skipping your hot wanting center and began undoing the buttons of his shirt that was draped over you stoping just under your bust and flicking it behinde you pulling it from under your ass roughly causing you to squeak as your heated skin hit the cool pollished wood. He chuckled and moved his hand cupping your throbbing center teasing the wet hole with a firm rub of his fingers squeazing you and circling the damp patch on your undies prodding shallow teasing thrusts. You through your head back and moaned as his hand continued rolling and rubbing the flexing muscles, it was incredible each and every time this man touched you but there something about him groping you through the layers of your clothes...Something taboo about being made to mess your underwear ,drenching them through. He moved flexing his strong hand squeezing your cunt. In a delicious possessive fashion. You grunted and rocked towards him the friction of your panties rubbing your clit, the warmth of his hand adding to the sensations. Your body was hot already the anticipation of things to come making you pants and breaths hitch his flicking and playing with your growing arousal smearing the small flood with his fingers dragging it across the gusset of your panties in deliberate strokes. "Ive never made you mess your panties before~ would you like that? For me to make you cum? Make you soak them through?" You bit your lip closing your eyes and gyrated your hips against him trying to chase an orgasm that was building far to slowly for your liking. You nodded clenching your fists into his shirt whining as the very first trembles began and you began hearing the your wetness againt his hand on the thin material. "Oh? You like that idea baby? For me to force you to cum? Force you to gush inside these cute little panties all over the table? The table where all the important meetings are held? Let your cum stain the wood right here? Right were I sit and work?" You nodded quickly gasping as his hot palm pulled back, you didn't have a chance to whine as he lifted it and gave a cupped plam slap to your whole wet center. The sharp slap made you jump rocking into him with a gruntal moan. He chuckled again then slapped quicker making you tremble. "FUCK! BRU-bruce! AH SH-IT PLEASE-please fuck please more~" he chuckled moving his other hand around your throat and squeezed just enough to make your breathes deeper. And slapped your pussy harder making it sting. You cried out nevertheless in lewd moans curling forward each slap left a sting that added to the warm hum of you nerves, insides protesting to being empty as they coiled and tensed. There was a knot deep inside that was pulled tighter and tighter with each movement he made mastering your insides without even touching them. A skill you hadn't truly accepted until now as he toyed with you. "Now now~ is that anyway to call out for your new boss, you should ask nicely.?.Be polite" you shook your head as he slapped again this time keeping it there and rubbed harsher and faster then before concentrating on your erect bud that pressed on the cotton. You bucked one foot slipping but bruce was quick leaning a knee on the table taking the weight of the foot keeping you open and still with a chuckle. He watched as tears began falling from your eyes...You were close so close he could tell. He tipped his hand rubbing the heel of his palm to your clit rubbing violently curling his fingers digging them over your hole pressing harder on the sensitive petals just below. "FuckFUCFUCK NOOO-I'M SORRY SIR! PLEASE MR WAYNE UGHAH AH oh-oh shit plea-please Mr Wayne please sir!" He smiled pressing his hand flat then began patting you quickly making you moan loudly. You closed your eyes pushing your hips towards him crying out as he sped up. Each well placed pat sent tremors up and down your spine you withered, legs tensing and untensing as you tried tochase the high. Your pussy grew warmer and yout breathes sharp. The tell tale signs of an impending orgasm that had crept up on you. "AH-FUCK PLE-PLEASE SIR PLEASE-MR WAYNE UGH-FUUUUGH SHIT PLEASE PLEASE MR WAYNE PLEEAASE!" He smirked and moved faster alternating his rubs and flicks with varying slaps and pinched your body tensed and arched painfully as you crieds out as he drove you higher and higher. "Thats it baby~.....Fuck you look so gorgeous, fucking incredible...Cum! I want you to cum inside those little panties all over my desk baby....Thats it all over Mr Waynes spot~ Good girl!" You choked out moans and grunts your body was shivering and your lust boiled in your tummy and finally with one final harsh wet slap you came loudly throwing yourself back at the force. Bruce barely captured you to soften your fall gently placing you to lie back on the desk ass only just on it. You cried out gyrating against Bruces still patting hand closing your eyes as your body let go falling over the edge of ecstasy. Your mind was blank...Black and there was nothing but the hot wave the full body rush that completely wiped you out leaving you very messy and satisfied.

You laid there panting looking to the ceiling with blurry eyes,you were crying softly and you was sure why. You felt the aftermath your body loose and trembling. You could faintly hear Bruces chuckles in the back ground over your harsh panting. "And that my love is how to cum hard...Shit what even set that one off?" He asked but you just hummed reaching out for him he chuckled and moved closer tugging you down the table, ass just hanging off the edge. You tilted your head up warily eyeing him and sighed flopping back down seeing him loosening his belt with one hand. The next thing you knew he had stepped between your spread thighs smooting his palms over them massaging the still trembling muscles. "Got you good huh babe?" You grunted which resulted in a kiss on your stomach from him. You frowned when he moved closer to line himself up. "Bruce I've got my-" he looked up at you winking and gave a cheeky smile hooking fingers in the side of our gusset. "I know...Wanna fuck with them on for a change...Got a thin for panties at the mineut" you flushed turning your head to the side watching his hands as theymoved to hold you. You were still far to exhausted to move. He just smiled and watched as he hooked the panties to the side. The way they moved made your pussy look plump and fucking perfect! As much as he wanted to feast on the perfectly smooth peach he had other matters to attend.

Bruce grunted letting the crown of his cock brush the wet silken folds, he almost loved this more then fucking you. The intimacy of him just ghosting your body, teasing you with his own cock watching as your tiny body swallowed him. He shuddered and dipped down finding the luxurious slit. Without wasting time he plowed into you. You grunted as he entered you pressing fast and hard you felt as your walls gave way, molding to his girth like always. You'd never get enough! This man was so incredibly intoxicating it was unreal. You moan high as he moved forward putting his weight on his cock he throbbed inside of you, the thick veins almost acting as a pulsing vibrator humming against your still tender nerves ignighting them all over again. He grunted pressing his balls to your pelvis then pulled back only to ram harder. You screeched moving your hands to his wrists as he place his heavy palms on your hips and began tugging you towards him. Soon he found his rhythm a fast unrelenting pace driven by his own impending release. You whined and melwed at ever push and pull his cock was spearin into you, massaging your g spot maing you see stars then finishingneach thrust at your cervix. The almost unbearable mix of pleasure and pain was to much and you screamed throwing your head back and forth spurred on by his growls as his voice got lost. Feral sounds come from him vibrating the air around you as he pounded away determined.

Your body was screaming, it wanted release, it wanted more..And it wanted to rest you trembled knees knocking against his pistoning hips as your insides clutched at him sucking him tighter and tighter then without warning you fell again. This time was much more intense your whole body locked almost cramping and tremblingat thesametime, you couldnt move, or speak you just looked up wide eyed as waves of ecstasy rolled over you. Bruce through his head back with a victorious shout you vaguely felt his balls rise and tighten against you ass then he released inside of you grunting and rutting as he caem drawing it out as mich as he could then finally came to a halt and fell over you.

You panted weeping quietly moving to wipe your face and press our hair back. He arched over you kissing you slow a sensually no tongues nothing lewd just open mouthed kisses pouring his love into you in the best way he knew how. He pulled back looking to you then laughed. "Wow...That was better then I imagined" you nodded agreeing with him and pushed him back. "Babe...My panties are hurting me can you?" He jumped back quickly swiftly removjn him self and tucked himself away whilst pulling your panties back over our center. He patted our mound casually making you jolt and whine. "Bruuuce! No its sensitive!" He smiled eyeing your pussy, even through the wet material he could still tell it was a very happy freshy fucking little pussy! Swollen and pink! Just how he liked it. He moved pulling your trousers to your ankles chuckling. "Two...Three at once!" You frowned for a second then your face dropped...The list. You rolled your eyes and sat up leaning on unsteady arms and watched as he rolled up the trousers pulling then up to your knees. "Okay what were they?" He smiled slyly and hooked an arm around your waist sliding you off the table onto your feet. You staggered in the heels and grabbed his shoulders as he settled your weight onto his chest pulling the trousers up over your ass and zipped them up. "Board room, cum in your panties and fuck you in your fuck me heels! Three down in one hit!" You chuckled up at him as he explained smugly he was definitely proud of this one. You turned faceing the now desecrated table and flinched. Now that was a fucking mess! You turned glaring at him motioning a hand to the puddle. "Bruce -I you? Fuck it you don't care do you?...Nope didn't think so...Fuck my legs are still like jelly!" He grinned and wriggled his eyebrows at you. "Sooo you wont get very far if I said I'm ready for round two?~" you gaped at him instantly looking to his crotch he laughed waving you off. "Not really sweets...Lets go home, we could test out the jets in the bath, its supposed to give you a 'real massage experience'" you frowned at him as he scooped ou up swiping your bag and court settlement the began leaving the room walking down to the private elevator. "Jets? We had jets in the bath since when?" He flushed as he entered the elevator pressing the garage level. "Since this afternoon...I had a new let spa bath tub fitted in our suite...Damien caught us in the hot tub and yeah-" you blinked not following for a few seconds then clicked.

"HE FUCKING WHAT!? WHEN DID HE-oh my god thats what you were freaked out about!? Oh no oh god he was me-did he see me? Please tell me he didnt?!" Bruce smiled cutely walking out of the elevatore to the car it was the lamboghini again today. "No he didnt see you I covered you but...I figured it wouldnt happen if we had somewhere else with jets so new bath" you sighed nodding as he placed you down by the car then tugged at the folder. "I'm proud of you for this, so very proud you stuck to your guns and you did it alone..You've proved with this that you're not a push over , that your a strong woman .A very very stong independent woman and I am so happy for you, but most of all I'm proud that I get to call you mine!" You smiled cupping his cheek and moved in kissing him softly. "Thank you Bruce, I want to show everyone that...That I may now be considered a kept woman...But I can fight for myself, protect myself when I need to and I'm glad you let me do that you don't know how much it means for you to let me do that" he through his head back laughing loud, you didnt understand you almost felt insulted until he calmed down and cupped your head in both his hands. "I don't let you do anything love! You can do what ever you want...Fucking let you stick up for yourself? Your free to do what ever you want...You want a business? I'll get you a bussines , you want to travel? we will! I'd do anything for you I love you...Outside of the bed you are my fucking queen, but inside the sheet? Your my very own pillow princess-OUCH! FUCK SWEETS?" You swooned he could have asked for anything then and there and youd have said yes...Until the pillow princess comment. "I'm not a pillow princess! You-just your? UGH! STOP BEING SO FUCKING GOOD AND I'D BE ABLE TO THINK! AND POSSIBLY MOVE!" he laughed ou off opening the passenger side door motioning for you to get in. You rolled your eyes and they say chivalry is dead? Once seated the smiled to yourself. That was probably the most romantic thing he'd said and he had to ruin it with his typiclal bruce smug bull shit...But then again that was your Bruce. He slid into the drivers side.and you leaned over. "Hey babe?" He glanced at you as he turned the ignition reving the car to life.

"Yes my love?"

"You said anything right?" You twiddled your fingers and then move your hand to his thigh as the car began moving.

"Yes sweets anything"

"Teach me to drive-" he squinted nodding agreeing instantly as he pulled out ontothe road. "This thing" he snapped his gaze to you. What? His precious heart, his beautiful little lover, sweet girlfriend behind the wheel of a seriously powerfull supercar? His heart almost stopped at the idea. "Are-are you sure? Its a powerful car...Don’t you want me to get you something err less-" "No I love this car its the first one you drove me around in...I want to drive it Bruce" he looked to you casually and pulled out tothe main road slowly cursing himself. He was going to refuse on the grounds of your own safty but, one look at your puppydog eyes and that was it you clapped cutely with a small 'yay'... one thing was for sure before you got behinde the wheel there was going to be some serious automatic breaking sensors put on...and a fucking speed limiter....and bullet proof windows and panels....Maybe some traker devices to...Like the one in your bracelet. "Babe I can here you thinking...Its just a car love don't...Don't go 'batting' it out okay?" Bruce didn't look at you as he drove on just a vaguely familiar hmm that meant he was pretending to agree with you...Or not listening one of the two his hmm's are all very similar.

#bruce wayne smut #bruce wayne imagine #bruce wayne fic #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne x you #dc imagine #dc x reader #dc x you #bruce wayne x batmom #bruce wayne x y/n

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ledamemangociana · 3 years ago

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this is not a happy post

apologies in advance, especially to anyone who followed me coz of my various gifsets; i know this kind of thing isn’t what you’re here for.

i’m unfortunately prone to a venting a lot and lengthily when my depression, anxiety and self-esteem issues get the better of me. most of the time, im feels-vomiting on my twitter, mostly coz i havent used my tumblr quite as regularly as i used to 6, maybe 7 years ago. i’m mostly doing this here now coz i feel like i need the writing momentum to not be stilted by having to click the “add new tweet” button over and over again.

so. i’m turning 35 two weeks from now. and it is getting to me, possibly because of the situation that the pandemic has kept me in for the past year and a half, maybe because 35 feels like a milestone adult age, maybe because turning 35 means 40 is right around the corner. and the closer my 35th birthday is, the more i’m plagued by thoughts of where i am now, where i’m probably supposed to be as an adult, where i wanted to be, and the thought that i’m just never gonna be good enough to not be who and where i am now.

in feb 2020, i started my new job as the digital marketing manager for a pair of upscale hotels, the biggest deal of a job i’ve ever gotten since i started working in late 2011, and the biggest paycheck i’ve ever signed on for too. for the first time in a long time, possibly in forever, the few big dreams i had ever had for myself seemed to be attainable; it felt like they could become goals. a solo trip to japan, getting a place for myself instead of living in the family condo, growing my collections, maybe having an actual social life, those kinds of things seemed within reach.

and then, literally a month into my new job, the country went into lockdown, and legitimately has never come out of it. my work situation changed drastically, to the point where i ran up both of my credit card bills before the year was over (i literally only just got one of them fully paid off last week, and only because my sister was a HUGE help), and i was living off the limited family funds and relying on dad to take care of me. i had a freelance client for a handful of months, only for them to drop me without word at the end of our contract, leaving me without a chunk of the only funds i was making on my own for a while. i’m now working sporadically at my regular job, with a significant cut to my paid hours and therefore my paycheck, but the tasks list just seems to grow longer with each task that i check off of it, leaving me overworked and underpaid (but of course,i know im not alone or special in this, some people have it far worse than me and i’m grateful that i even have a regular work schedule, even if it does look the way it does). im 260 lbs., wearing size 22 or 24 clothes, somewhat sickly and prone to constant painful gout attacks that make it difficult for me to walk, living in a condo unit owned by family because they’re letting me live here, making only a third of the salary i normally should at work without the panemic, subsisting on junk food and softdrinks (it’s an addiction) because much of my money leaves my wallet and goes to paying bills and loans as soon as the money comes in, alone, unloved, unlovable, as prone to hyperfixation as i’ve ever been, and putting up with constantly re-attaching bromides and instax pics that keep falling off of my recently completed anime wall.

i’m 34 years old. i’m turning 35 in two weeks.

you know who else is 34/35 this year? the local barangay captain, a member of the local govnerment unit, who was one of my classmates in grade school and high school. a few years ago, i had seen a tarp across the street advertising her local work-out and yoga classes.

i’ve always hated the question “where do you see yourself 5 years from now/10 years from now/in the future?” because i’ve never been able to truthfully answer it, even when i wasnt an emotionally unstable mess (which was all the way back in elementary). i close my eyes and try to imagine it, and nothing ever comes up. i’d like to think i have an active enough imagination to have been able to write fanfic a lot back in the day, so you know it’s bad when i can’t even imagine a lofty future for myself. at this point in my life, i can’t even say “just simply alive” because i truly don’t know if i will be, i don’t see it. that’s fatalistic, maybe, but i really have never been able to imagine myself living to 40, let alone past that. anything i want for myself remain dreams, things i dont deserve because im not thin, pretty, smart, cultured, skilled. and the closer i get to 40, the less of that already non-existent future i see.

and it’s just depressing, you know. like. it’s already so hard being depressed about and hating myself WITHOUT this added thought of “you are only growing older and fatter and are headed literally nowhere and everyone your age is far more responsible and mature than you could even dream you’d ever be” mixed in there too. maybe this is just me beating myself up and being my own harshest bully, but what’s stopping me from believing that i deserve this bullying of myself by myself, lmao.

i dread every birthday. i stopped dreaming things for myself a long time ago. these are all things i just know i can’t and won’t ever live up to, because i’m just this useless sack of potatoes rotting away in the corner of some barn while everyone else is finding some use for themselves and able to make lemonade out of their own lemons, and stuff like that. and yet knowing i’ll never be those things or have those things makes me sad. for someone with a laundry list of negative things about myself i’ve just learned to accept so i can somehow function, having that list sure does make me sad. and it probably shouldn’t, if im so resigned to all of this, but maybe that’s just what happens when you hate yourself - there will always be a reason for you to hate yourself.

oh, and i think i’m coming down with carpal tunnel in my left hand. great.

#Mango Goes To Jail #long post #sorry this is kinda depressing #i just needed to vent #im feeling myself slipping into Yet Another Depressive Spell

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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years ago

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Anonimous said: Hi sweetheart, how are you? I hope you doing great. First of all, I’m a huge fan of you and I’m from Saudi Arabia I CAN’T STOP SMILING WHEN I READ A FANFICTION FOR U♥️. So if you don’t mind and the requests are open could we have something for Kai, Kaito, Kin, and Haru doing a pajama party cuz that is ANGEL B-day n she’s like these things? Sorry for my bad English. AGAIN THANK YOU BECAUSE YOU MADE MY DAY♥️

“You two want to do what again?” he sighed, one of his hands supporting his head with his elbow on his desk as his free one pinched his covered nose.

“A pj party!” Kin giggled as her older brother nodded at her, confirming to his father he also wanted the same thing.

“Why? You both know none your colleagues like to even step closer to the Hassaikai, is useless.” He gave an nonchantly look at Kaito when he facepalmed, mocking him surely the little brat, as Kin huffed and put her hands on her waist with a frown, reminding him very much of you.

Damn those brats took after both of you very well

“Dad..” Kaito groaned before pointing at the door with both arms “Is for mom’s birthday! She loves those things!” The boy exclaimed as he deadpanned.

“Don’t tell us you forgot!” Kin spoke with a cold tone of voice while glaring at him with a pout, matching gold orbs staring back at his own.

“I haven't.” he sighed, getting up from his chair and leavuing his office, his son and daughter following him like baby ducks, causing to a nearby precept to chuckle at the scene before yelping when he saw the death glare Chisaki gave to him over his shoulders.

“Then you letting us do it then?” The nine year’s old boy asked, face same as his father but on his (E/c) coul be noticed a tinge of hope and happiness.

“Your mother is how many years older than you both again? The answer is no.” He said in sarcasm as he walked before sighing when his three year’s old daughter got on his front and sucefully stoped him on walking “What?”

“Papa pleasee??” she got her tiny and chubby hands interlocked together while doing the puppy eyes up at him “You can help us and say is a gift you also gave!”

“Absolutely not-” He growled and rolled his eyes up when she started to sniffle, then to help even more he felt a tug on his jacket, and when looking down he saw Kaito with a pout and the same look Kin carried.

Those brats knew it how to get to him, dammit it was the same look his wife gave it to him all the time and fucking succeded it. He had to remember to have a long, LONG chat with you later for this attitude of the kids.

“Do whatever you two want without messes. And your mother better like it.” he watched his son and daughter’s face lighten up and shout their thanks at him while running to whatever they were planning “NO running inside the house you brats!”

Just listening to his son and daughter’s gigglesgave a simple smile to the usual cold man as he shook his head and started to walk again only to be met with his wife, entering the house along with Chrono after she went out.

“Kai!” he watched you put the bags carefully on the ground to walk towards him witha bright smile, also noticing the quick greeting Hari gave to him before his daughter jumped and lauched on his leg with giggles.

“I see you wiped off the money I had on my credit card.” he said nonchantly as you giggled, letting him, one more time on that day, smile and touch your cheek with his gloved hand to carres it.

“Says the man whose not even once stop buying things. Hell Kai, not even me or the kids can’t look at something and yoy’re already grabbing and paying for it.”

“Is for a different reason, and with those brats I agree I have to come to a stop before they become spoiled pests.”

He was walking on the halls, finishing reading some of his paperwork until he heard some giggles, catching a bit of a blanket little thief run and enter one room of the house.

Cringing at the thought of that blanket slidding and catching all the dirt on the floor, he sighed before going after and opening the door.

"You brats better not make a mess of this-" he stopped abruptly when he saw the state the room was in... full of pillows, lanterns, blankets forts which btw he learned what it was from you.

It even had the freacking coffe table from the living room full of snacks.

"So one of you stole the table huh little rats?" He asked nonchantly as Kin poked her head out of the blankets and kaito looked at him over his shoulder.

"Hah?" The boy said monotonously before accidentaly using his quirk on a pillow. Causing to explode and the room be filled with feathers.

"That makes a great decoration Kaito-kun!" He arched one of his eyebrows at seing Chrono's daughter inside one of the first, putting on some Christmas golden lights inside of it.

"Haru." He nodded towards teh girl whose shyly gretted back and returned to her going "Ordered someone to help make your work? Kaito?"

"No way!" The boy exclaimed before getting up "Me and Kin invited her as well!"

"Yeah! Kaito has a bitty wittyy crushy on Haru-chan!" Kin singed while twirling the blanket on her fingers as Kaito gagged but soon scoffed, crossing his arms much like he would do.

Damn Kaito took after him shit-

"As long as none of you cause a mess that is not my problem." He sighed, turning his back at the kids and waving at them over his shoulder "Try to not destroy the house while I'm not looking."

"We wont!" Kaito huffer before picking the shattered pillow before frowning "uh... daddy?"

"What now..?" He grimaced before looking at the shy kid whose begrudily showed the torn out pillow on both his hands.

"Help..? I still cant control it that well..." the boy said in shame and he soften his eyes at the much familiar dark brow hair son of his.

"Give it here." He sighed while crouching down and grabbing his son's hands while one of his free one had on the pillow "Concentrate on what form you want it, and how the pillow was before you used your quirk on it."

It was quiet until he saw the two girls looking in interest as he deadpanned.

"Isn't the surprise suppose to be ready until my wife comes here?"

"Right!" Haru yelped and grabbed the rest of the lights. He noticed the anticipation of his son to also help so instead he used his own quirk to put it back together.

"Huh?" Kaito noticed before being patted on the head.

"Go on. We can have lessons all the time, but your mother's birthday is only one time at the year so." He commented nonchantly as (E/c) eyes widened and shined as a little but bright smile appeared on the boy's face as he let out a happy giggle when Kai got up.

"Thank you daddy!" The boy said cheerfully before joining the girls and helping them with the lights since he was the tallest out of the three.

His gaze remained on them for a little before scoffing and going back to his work.

When he had became so... soft over two brats and one kid that wasn't even his own?

He grimaced and shaked his head to rid his head of this thoughts and returned to his office.

"I'm so tired..." you sighed while taking your heels off aa Kai stared at you.

"Dinner wasn't of your liking?"

"No no, it was amazing but you spared too much money as always." You giggled while hitting your head on his chest as he carresed with his gloved hand your hair.

Usually after a dinner, especially on your birthday he would... take you to the bedroom and... well, you know.

Ut just when he was about to kiss your neck after pulling his mask down he remember immediately the work his kids and Haru had done. Grimacing, he had to be strong to push his selfishness and lost aside to cup your cheeks to leave one passionate kiss. Enough for him to leave your head quite dizzy.

"Woah.." you whispered as he smirked, pecking your forehead as you pouted "Not going to continue what you started handsome?"

"Sadly, it seems like you have plans already." He sighed while walking and montioning for him to follow you.

"Huh? I don't have any? Or do I?" You followed him as he gave three knowns with the back of his fingers on a door.

"The brats have you for the night." Was the only thing he could muster before your son and daughter threw themselfs at you as Haru laughed but from some safe distance before going to you; on the ground by the way, your kids werent gentle; and giving a cheerful happy birthday along with the Chisaki twins and a hug.

"Woah!" You giggled before sitting up, Kin, giggling, and Kaito, smirking, on your lap "So that was the surprise you two hinted earlier?"

"We were actually scared that papa was going to tell you!" Kin exclaimed while climbing off from your lap and grabbing your hand.

"Yeah since he always fights with us to get you." Kaito mumbled before helping you up, smirking at the glare Kai had on him.

Little sh-

"So I-Oh my god you three did that?!" You exclaimed when you saw the room decorated as Kin nodded fervently before Kaito begrudilly pointed at Haru.

"Haru did most of the decorations..." the girl laughed before smilling up at you.

"I dont even know what to say kids.." you said with a smile as he sighed.

"I will let you four be for now. Anything just go to my office." He ignored your asking if he wasn't going to stay because he knew what was going to happen.

He didn't wanted Kaito or Kin to comment why he was hiding a toy on the middle of his pants.

He crossed paths with chrono, whose seemed torned out with something.

"Kai thank god." The male sighed before looking around "Have you seen Haru? I couldn't find her all day."

"She hadn't told you she was going to spend the night with my own pests and my wife? They literally stole her from the night." He commented nonchantly as Kurono face palmed.

"I forgot about that." He growled as Kai shook his head.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #overhaul #chisaki kai #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha au #bnha ocs #kaito chisaki #kin chisaki #haru kurono #chisaki family #bnha villains x reader #bnha fanfics #bnha fanfiction #zuffer writings

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quitethepirategal · 3 years ago

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An Analysis in Threes

❥ TAGGED BY: @emcads like 30 years ago ❥ TAGGING: @riidcr @starsailingcaptain @covencrown @hookd @all-fleshed-out @evermxre @motherofredemption @bup1957 @conquistadoradelmar @seaprofound @tcthinecwnself @withinycu @windguided @daevilhorns @concordia-cum-sinistro and YOU and I spent like 8 hours on this so pLEASE READ IT PLEASE I AM BEGGING I NEED VALIDATION I’M-

repost don’t reblog. yall dont have to type this much.

MUSE: Captain Red Handed Jessica

Three Strengths:

Her adaptability and resourcefulness. Is she brave, yes. Is she lucky, also yes. But over all, she can roll with the cards she’s been dealt in a way that many would call inhumanly clever. Her intelligence, her perception, and her charisma are all different ingredients of this indomitable characteristic of hers. She can see the value in just about anything and anyone, can pick up on clues and tangents few others can follow, and can remember seemingly endless details, tho unfortunately not on command. But even then, her patchy memory seems to contribute to this adaptability as well, as it usually allows for detachment. If she can find resources everywhere, it means she can survive everywhere. There have been countless times where the wheel of fortune has suddenly turned on her and she’d lost near everything and her response was more or less Damn, ok I need food water and shelter lets go. No food? Grow food. No water? Ask someone if they have water. No shelter? Sleep outside. No money? Steal money. Can’t hear anymore? Cool I can use loud weapons. Crashed on an island? My island now. Shot? Free bullet. She knows when to push, she knows when to quit, and sometimes she knows when to gamble based on her ability ( what a man can do and what he can’t do and all that ). Strong she may be, she knows its foolish to rely on strength. Survival of the fittest actually rarely means survival of the strongest. ( edit; this is the theme for the entirety of her character. I will say it 50,000 times. I am very sorry ). And as a student of philosophy and biology, she understands that phrase better than most. Leading to our next point.

Her understanding. As I stated, her charisma is something unmatched, and is a key element in all three of her strengths. This charisma might not exist as prominently were it not for her ability to understand. She has limited ( I’ll get back to that ) but deep running empathy and while not terribly observant all the time, she is always perceptive. Not only that, but she’s personally known abuse, hardship, and uncertainty, and understands that hate or anger can be rooted in similar pain. She was schooled lightly in both Christian and Buddhist values before diving heavily into democratic philosophy, meaning she believes all being experience suffering and therefore kindness is a powerful sign of strength, but also that suffering while free and equal is better than comfort in oppression. And between her sweet words and beautiful face, she can get most people to open up in ways they themselves my not have expected. Being very good with people means she can learn from them, gain something from them, lead them, and/or use them. But Jessica isn’t a manipulator in truth; her intentions are almost always kind or healthy ones. She absolutely uses people from time to time but not EVER without them consenting to or being made aware of such because again, unlike a manipulative person, she understands that can ruin a relationship and therefore ruin a resource. What it makes for is an excellent leader, a beloved captain, and a trusted ally at most and an excellent conversationalist at the least. But her understanding isn’t just social, oh no. It’s academic as well. Armed only with his little library and the lessons of his own teachers, Jessica’s foster father tirelessly smithed her into a not just a girl who knew a lot of things, but a truly intelligent, thinking mind. He’d die before learning he’d succeeded tenfold. Jessica isn’t one to just except things as they are, facts or otherwise. She usually needs to prove it, experiment, see things from a new angle. Debates with her are fun! She has no issue admitting she’s wrong or confessing she’s never thought of it that way, and is actually wrong a lot of the time. It doesn’t bruise her ego, it excites her. It means there’s more to learn. And her ability to constantly understand new concepts paired with her ability to overwhelmingly understand people combine to make for a very powerful core idea of hers: We are fittest to survive because we all fit together. Our humanity, our empathy, our community are our strengths because they keep us united, which keeps us the fittest. No one is independent, no man is an island. People are power. And thus her final strength is just that.

Her power. While she and I still firmly state that strength isn’t everything don’t be disillusioned; its very goddamn important. And it’s something Jessica has plenty of. She is durable and clever because of her rocky early childhood, she is quick and versatile from her youth in a pirate port, she is physically strong and mighty from her years training in martial arts, and she’s an absolute crackshot after years of diligent practice with her trusty pistols. Her true strength may lie in her brains and in her allies yes, but even without them, Red Jessica is a powerhouse of a warrior. She can end fights extremely quickly or run from them without a prayer of catching her ( no shame in the later, both skills keep you alive ). And it may be in bad taste to say, but ever since loosing most of her hearing, Jess swears up and down it’s made her vision better, her reaction time faster, and her quick thinking even quicker. Yes of course she’s slowed down with age, but a bullet shoots at the same speed no matter how old you are. And you best hope she didn’t bring her firecrackers, because while sudden loud noises will absolutely temporarily discombobulate or debilitate an opponent with healthy hearing, it’ll hardly effect her at all and suddenly, you’re a sitting duck. You see those thighs? You see those calves? She can crush PINEAPPLES with them! People have seen her do it! Do you know how many micro-fractures broke and rebuilt those hands? Thousands! She can crush a trachea like a fucking beer can! She can kick you to death! One ill placed curb stomp and you are DECEASED. Sometimes she’ll just psyche you out because she KNOWS you know she can kill your stupid ass! But while her strength, mental and physical, have always been there, her power is relatively new. As stated before, people are power. Not knowledge, not money, not strength. People. She’s a fearsome warrior but she’d be useless if outnumbered. Shes a very successful pirate, but she’d never make it out of port without a crew on her ship. She found a gorgeous island, but it’d still be wild without those who built it’s piers and buildings. She manages orchards and tends to them and harvests them herself, but she would loose all of her crop without the helping hands of her employed farmers. And like I mentioned, she deeply understands this. Freedom is not independence or vice versa. Did you make the clothes on your back or the fabric that made those clothes? Did you write the books you read to make you smarter or teach you that skill? Did you plant the seed years ago that grew that orange you’re eating? No, of course not. Jessica didn’t either. Another human did. We all need each other to fill the holes in our lives that we can’t fill ourselves. Humans are puzzle pieces in that way, there is no bigger picture or prayer for survival on our own. And because of this, we can do anything we as a community, as a SPECIES work together to achieve. There is no knowledge if there’s no one to learn from, there is no money if a society don’t give it value, your money is worthless if those you’re paying decide to rise against you, your role as leader only exists at the consent of those you lead, and your strength won’t save you from a sinking ship. People are, and always will be, power. And as someone who is exceptionally strong and exceedingly smart, Jessica has slotted herself in the humanity puzzle thusly: The strong exist to protect the weak, the smart exist to educate, and the lucky exist so the unlucky may be given aid. And it is with this fairness and compassion that she has won the trust of so many. She has a great many friends and allies even outside of those in her crew or on her island. And she can make many more with ease. That kind of power is not a power to be trifled with, even if she can kick your ass six ways to Saturday without it.

Three Weaknesses:

She suffers ADHD. Now before ANY OF Y’ALL SAY ANYTHING, I myself also suffer ADHD. And yes I do say suffer because well that’s what it causes for Jessica and I, suffering. Yes, it is ableist language to say ‘suffering from’ rather than ‘has’ or ‘is diagnosed with’ and yes it perpetuates a stigma against us but god DAMN IT in both Jessica’s case and mine, it make life much much harder than it needs to be. At the end of the day, Red Jessica is a fantasy of mine; I pour myself into her whether I mean to or not. She’s the adult I wish I was, the person I might be if I had no anxiety, or brainfog, or lived in a world were I didn’t need a credit score or a degree. And even then, I can’t say I know anyone else’s problems better than my own. So if my character has problems, by sheer osmosis they are going to reflect some of mine. Both of the characters I write have ADHD because I have ADHD and I couldn’t even begin to know how a non-ADHD mind works to write it properly. And no, I’m not being dramatic when I say it causes me suffering. I can’t drive, I can’t hold down a job, I nearly flunked out of school, I still cant read very fast or spell very well, I am constantly overwhelmed by mundane things, I’m a slow learner, I forget very important things or recent things, I forget about things that mean the world to me, I forget about people, I stumble through tasks, I procrastinate hobbies and basic hygiene, and everything I do takes all goddamn day and I can only really do one important thing at a time and in order of importance. If I have a date at 4pm, I’m dressed and ready at 11am because I’ve gotta do the important thing first or else I will forget to do the important thing. I started typing this at a little before 5pm. It’s 7;30. It’ll probably be 10 o’clock at night by the time I fucking finish ( edit: l m a o its 1am bitch you thought ). I’m 26 and am just medicated enough to barely function. So yeah. Suffering is the word. Though for Jessica, perhaps suffering is a tad strong of a word. Her ADHD affects her ability to function in far less debilitating ways ( though whether that’s a result of a less severe diagnosis than me or the result of the society, situations, and responsibilities she functions in and around are far different from mine, who’s to say ). For her, she has very consuming hyperfixations that can last anywhere between weeks to decades, a spotty memory that is detail and memento oriented, she’s scatterbrained more often then not but can focus with amazing clarity on her interests or in high adrenaline situations, is is ABYSMALLY bad at math and EXCRUCIATINGLY bad with numbers ( as opposed to me, who is good at numbers but shit at spelling or reading ), she can forget anything no matter how important it is to her or to anyone, she’s bad with names and dates, is COMPLETELY time-blind, has trouble prioritizing, and of course, wile not actually that materialistic, she absolutely has the ol’ magpie instinct. While her poor memory assists in her adaptability and ability to move on, it also means she forgets things she needed to remember, like when the last time she bathed was and who this person is and what happened between her and someone else or what conversation’s shes had. Unfortunately this means she’s a very good friend and leader... while you’re around and interacting with her on at least a weekly basis. It’s almost a lack of object permanence in both a social and very real sense. If something is not right in front of her, odds are she’s not going to think about it. And while its something she constantly kicks herself for and actively tries to be better about, it applies to people too. Face to face is the best way to interact with her; she won’t think to write you and in her modern verse she won’t think to ever call and she’ll text you back in perhaps a few days. She doesn’t value you any less, I promise. She’s just either distracted or overwhelmed. Also, for someone as understanding as her, she is surprisingly self-centered. Not selfish, self-centered. She’ll talk about herself more than she should, and will assume people understand that she’s doing so as a form of showing empathy rather than bragging when they may not know this at all. Actually she accidentally assumes all the time. It was far worse when her hearing was functional; she’d finish your sentence for you or guess what it was you were going to say ( again, not to talk over, you but to show she understands you and the conversation, tho it usually came of as annoying or patronizing ). Sometimes she mistakenly assumes you believe or know the same things she does without even realizing it. Maybe she perceives the right idea off of someone but isn’t observant enough to notice anything past that. And while she is willing to change her mind about things, she might change her mind a tad too quickly. She’s an over-sharer and is horrible at keeping any kind of secret. Romantic relationships tend to fizzle out. Her impulse control is improving but has a VERY long way to go. She’s always chasing something new. All and all, when you’re a pirate, a librarian, or even a captain, all of these things may be irritating and inconvenient, but are overall manageable in chunks. ...But as a governor to her island, as a leader of an entire population... oof. In the position of leadership that she’s in, she can’t afford to make too many massive mistakes, and she knows this. ‘There is no power quite like the power of being underestimated’ is a phase you’ll hear her say a lot but for her, there is a shift in connotation. If people expect less and you do more that’s a great upper hand in any situation but for her, it was a safety net. Having ADHD sometimes means going months or years being fine and then eventually you fuck up and everyone around you wonders how in the world you managed to do that. She has only barely avoided disaster more times than she’d like to admit. Even with the resourcefulness, the understanding, and the power she wields, she’s finally starting to realize that she’s bit off more than she might be able to chew, with the entire well-beings and livelihoods of others on the line. And she fears that one day she’ll play her cards wrong and everything she’d built, everything she’s done, will all come crashing down in ruin.

She is Hard of Hearing. This one is literally as simple as it sounds: she has moderate and degenerative hearing loss and tinnitus after years of canons, explosions, gunshots, and a definitive, scale tipping attack in her early 30s. Her ears just don’t work at all like they used to. The whole world sounds like it would if everything was underwater: she can’t pin point the location of sounds, how far off or close sounds are, and barely registers changes in volume. And it only gets worse the older she gets; one day she won’t hear anything at all. And while yes, again, it might be very harsh and ableist to say, the truth of the matter that being deaf a “ weakness ” more often than its a strength. That said, it very well can be a strength. I’ve already mentioned that trick with the firecrackers and let me tell you it is a DAMN EFFECTIVE TRICK. Shes around explosions and canons and guns all the time and now she can focus while being around them five times better than she could in the past! But unfortunately it also means she’s very easy to sneak up on, she sometimes isn’t aware of danger until it’s nearly too late, no one can get her attention or warn her across any distance, it’s very easy to escape from her, and it’s easy for her to be just... left out of things. She might hear you talking, but she has little to no idea what you’re saying without sign or lipreading. Some people don’t have the patience or even just the courtesy to speak slower, or clearer, or repeat themselves a lot. Though, those last too thinks aren’t weaknesses of hers so much as they are the weakness of others, but they still negatively affect her self esteem and her effectiveness as a leader. All of this has taught her to pick her battles carefully, and plan around the elements of surprise and discombobulation. And while communication was tricky at first, it only got easier, and now she can talk to you almost like anyone can, so long as she’s looking you in the face.

That damn bleeding heart. We have established a number of things that should easily add up to an overly empathetic, trusting, fight-the-good-fight, martyr-some, idealistic pushover; she believes humanity and kindness are strengths, she has taken on the role of leader and then a provider, she has known suffering and tasked herself with ending the suffering of others to the best of her ability, she lacks the clarity of mind to assume people aren’t just as good or capable as her automatically, she can have poor impulse control at times, she wants to have relationships, and ( while I never stated this outright yet it can be inferred ), she believes that being able to see yourself in others is the foundation of humanity and ( as i did say outright ) humanity is what keeps us unified and unity is what makes us fit and strong. Keeping up? Good. Here’s the curve ball: How can she whole hardheartedly preach and believe all of this, to the point of it being the foundation of her character, WHILE BEING A VIOLENT THIEVING AND BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATE?! HOW, MANGO? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!! Ok, fine, sure, I will. I’m sure about one half of you are looking up from the screen and going “ Oh yeah, wow I totally forgot that bit. “ and the other half got about two and a half paragraphs in before squinting and silently calling bullshit. So let me explain. In short, she’s a detached hypocrite and is well aware and unashamed of her hypocrisy while far less aware of her detachment. I’ll cover both: Western culture as a whole seems to be under the impression that hypocrisy, despite context or importance, is automatically bad. I don’t know where this comes from personally ( my bet is Christianity but I have exactly 0 evidence ) but its a very... flawed idea. Take the freedom of speech vs racism problem; say you owned a bar where all could speak their mind freely over cold drinks. Excellent concept without context, right? Sure. ....Then a die hard racist covered in slurs and symbols walks in and orders- what are you going to do? The correct answer is to throw him out instantly. Not let him sit so long as he doesn’t cause trouble, not just ignore him and hope he doesn’t return, you throw him out. Is it hypocritical? Yep! Sure is! But it is also 100% necessary to protect your other patrons because if you don’t, the racist starts feeling safe and bringing his racist buddies, literally everyone else starts feeling unsafe and starts to hang out elsewhere, and two months later, ta da! You now own a n*zi bar and there is literally nothing you can do about it. Jessica is in a somewhat similar situation. You as a pretend bar owner need to make a decision as who to let into your bar and who to throw out for the good of all of your patrons. Jessica too is faced daily with that decision. If she want’s to help as many people as possible, the only realistic way she can do that are by protecting those under her leadership... only. She is surrounded by hateful, angry, sneaky, traitorous, abusive, or otherwise evil people. Piracy as a profession and poverty in general can do that to a person. Of course there is a clear difference between those down on their luck and desperate, and the truly cruel and twisted, but unfortunately both types of people yield the same wrongdoings. It’s absolutely her nature to extend a hand to anyone and everyone but.... she just can’t anymore. Too many times has her trust been betrayed, too many times has she gotten in peoples business trying to be helpful, only for her to absolutely bite her in the ass. Too many time the extended hand is bitten and once or twice, she’s actually made things worse. Now, she will only help someone she loves, someone under her leadership, or someone who seeks her out. That’s it. And even then, sometime it manages to bite er in the ass. But she had to set that hard limit for herself out of necessity, one she does her absolute best to adhere too and... these days she adheres a little too well. That leads us to our next point; what I was alluding to at the beginning of her Understanding essay when I said she has limited but deep running empathy. That detachment again, courtesy of a very unattached mother and unchecked ADHD. ( It isn’t a strong enough characteristic to even rank as a strength or a weakness but damn if it isn’t an undercurrent to a lot of her motivations and experiences. ) Strangers are fair game that she tries to ignore, but if she even perceives you as a threat, you could be in danger. Like anyone used to violence or perhaps anyone trapped in an us verses them mindset, she can just... flat... turn her empathy off. Not on command, she’s not a socio or psychopath persay. But she has become totally numb to the horror of violence via her warrior upbringing that, in her mind, violence can actually be rather fun. Pair that with the fact that she purposely tailored herself to only be empathetic to her allies and boom. You get a kindhearted killer. Cops and soldiers in our world do it literally every day. Actually anyone can do it really, even you if you tried. You don’t have to be evil or even angry to kill or steal or lie... you just have to believe you’re right.

Three Secrets:

WHAT SECRETS?! LMAO this bitch is the oversharing queen!! I’ve been typing and pondering her character for literal hours ( its currently 11:16, fuck you adderall ), and I still can not think of a single goddamn secret. There is nothing about her that at least five random people don’t fucking know about!! The only secrets she has are secrets she knows about other people and even then she is!! literally the worst!! She spills her guts left and right and yet she wants to be a mysterious bitch SO BAD like BABE I love you, you’re precious, but you are a dumbass attention seeking validation chasing adhd CLOWN girl!! Stop telling random people about your hermaphroditism or your dairy allergy or your dead dad or that time you fell asleep in a barrel like that is literally your uber driver Jessica honey come ooooon. I’m skipping this section mom holy fuck.

Three Fears:

What if she does wrong by everyone who trusts her? As stated at the end of the ADHD essay, she’s terrified of failing those she leads. Where it as simple as personal failure, she’d be fine. Ever if her entire world came crashing down on top of her she’d either die or start back from square one. Death is a fact of life and her adaptability means she can just dust herself off and move on, so neither her death nor her failures really scare her... But it isn’t just her life and happiness at stake, is it? Not anymore, right? What started as a leader of a small gang of rebels became a full crew, then a crew became a slew of allies, then those allies built a town and now... now she’s the governor of the Crimson Isle and there are nearly twenty five HUNDRED lives at her mercy. HER mercy. One really, really bad mistake could ruin their livelihoods or spark disorder and disloyalty. And if she died? Would whoever it is that will take her place be as good to them as she is? Is she good enough to begin with in the first place? Every day the paperwork gets a little bit thicker, every year there’s a new baby or two. And the isle has fertile soil sure but will it last? Are they prepared for a raid or a hurricane? And if Jessica trusts the wrong people, where her people right to trust her? ...can I protect them? Can I protect them?! CAN I PROTECT THEM?!

Who am I if I’m not interesting? This is, literally, an entirely subconscious fear. She’s not at all aware it exists and therefor this entry is short. But between her short time with her very unimpressed mother, her own ADHD, she is constantly hungry for attention without even realizing it. She must be interesting and intriguing and engaging, and I did mention she wants to also be mysterious. She wants not so much your input or even your validation - but rather if shes not perceived then.... is she really there? Remember, she is unaware of any of this. And fortunately she’d never been starved for attention to act out over it in the first place, even when her disinterested mother was alive. Look at her; she’s radiant, she’s beautiful, and she’s 6′4 / 195 cm shredded and covered in cool scars. Without even opening her mouth, without even her colorful clothes, she’s kind of automatically interesting. So she’s never been so desperate for attention that she acts out because she’s never been without it for very long. But it’s there. Hungry, aching, silent. Those years after the M branding were horrible and she could never really explain why. She still throws parties, organizes festivals, and talks to damn near anyone who will listen. Look at my art! Look at my library! Listen to how much I know! Let me tell you how lovely you are! Look at my scares! Look at my hair! Look at me haha, please, please look at me.

GHOSTS. NOPE. No. NO. Fuck ALL of that noise. Stay dead, go to hell, eat a dick. Red Jessica is a scientist and superstitious atheist. As an academic and somewhat bi-cultural woman she simply thinks there are far too many religions with far too much history for any of them to be considered The One True Thing You Must Believe Or ElseTM and she tends to not truly believe anything until she finds some kind of proof. Shes not afraid of the unknown, shes thrilled by it. She’s not afraid of death or the afterlife, that’s beyond her control. She’s only superstitious because she does believe in and value luck, and also its a bit of a cultural habit. BUT IF SOME SHIT STARTS MOVING ON ITS OWN OR IF SHE SEES SOME BULLSHIT IN THE CORNER OF HER EYE THEN SHE IS OUT OF THERE. OUTIE 5000. She has heard the tales of lost souls from purgatory or the eternally ravenous Pret or dangerous Phi Tai Hong or the tragic and startling Banshees or the creepy Santa Compana and she wouldn’t believe a word of it where it not for one thing. SHE FUCKING SAW ONE. She’ll never forget it, it was the first and last time she EVER attempted to plunder a tomb all Skyrim style and at first she thought it was one of the crewmean being creepy as shit until she got a good look and he was SEE THROUGH AS SHIT AND SKINNY AS FCUK AND SHE GOT LITERALLY CHASED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT JOINT. She does not CARE that some ghosts are just apparitions she does not CARE that some are friendly and trying to warn her of something if you are MOVING and DEAD at the SAME time get FUCKED. If any of y’all cringe try-hards bring a Ouija board to the party you are getting SENT HOME and BLOCKED. NO CAP.

Three Goals:

She really only has one left. Listen its... almost 1am and ive been typing since like 5pm i think i covered goals somewhere in here but ive gotta throw in the towel but even then I’m kinda being serious. Her only remaining goal is to find a suitable heir of some kind. She wants what she’s built to fall into worthey hands but she could never seem to find a good parter and even when she did she couldn’t sustain a pregnancy ( you’d think that would be a huge deal but it hardly mattered to her oddly ). So at 50 the option of having kids is out but there’s still plenty of hope for either adoption or a protege. But then again, she’s so busy these days that she hardly prioritizes it like she wants to.

holy shit i need some water...

#i.... i did it.. its done.. its DONE #...this took my entire saterday #i will literally pay yall actuall dollars to read all of this please... it took so long i dont want it to be for nothing qwq #x; EVER PLAYED CRAZY EIGHTS? { dash games }#x; QUITE THE PIRATE GAL { portrait }#x; WHY AREN'T YOU A CLEVER ONE? { meta }

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