#now i can't even finish a fanfic

[sentineluno]

I remember one time i had to read a book for an assignment back in the horrible days of school and i felt (obviously) traumatized at the idea of never having a single day to relax.

Also i never could sleep because of horrible anxiety and night terrors, so one night i decided to read the book.

Best book i have ever read for my age. It wasn't too long and enjoyed every bit of it.

By the time i realized i finished the book, bloodshot eyes (because no sleep) and trembling (because excited to enjoy reading shocker) and it was daytime.

I felt horribly tired but i can't lie that i enjoyed the look of abject horror and astonishment from both profesors and students when i said i read the entire thing in one night when the book reading was to read in about a month or so.

I was both lol (and in the Internet age, I'd say obsessively browsing Wikipedia counts as reading the encyclopedia for fun.)

[bredforloyalty]

what were u studying? and why did you quit if it’s not too personal

of course it's not too personal! (this is my blog where i yap hdsgvy and i'm just touched anyone even asks)

short version is it made me want to off myself so i stopped / i stopped studying psychology because of my psychological problems ahaha and also i didn't want it all that much to begin with, and also i might have some problems with studying itself (some kind of brain problem), and also the circumstances because i'm back at home and it's not good, and also i'd just rather work and focus on anything else other than a "career" now. i don't want assignments i want something to do with my hands and people to see. i want to enjoy things again. and not have this hanging over my head

longer version: i was doing a psychology bachelor's, i had one course—a research project—to go and the final exam after that. this was my third time with this subject, because, well there are three types of research projects we have to do and the essay type was fine (no data, no stats, just theory), then the questionnaire research i failed in the 4th semester. 5th semester i tried to do both the questionnaire and the experiment research projects (both requiring like actual collection of data) and could only finish the one i had begun before, bc i didn't have to do a wholly different one of the same kind of questionnaire research, i could just pick up the one i had before. these are ~15 page scientific papers by the way, title page and sources and all not included. so i finished that, but i had to ask for an extension and then ANOTHER extension. and i cried most days. it was bad. i got a 5 (A). at this time i was still living in another city, where the campus is, away from home, and this helped, that i was alone in my apartment And i had a friend talking me through the whole process (!!). and it was easier research than the ones that would come after, genuinely. 6th semester (last one), you're not really supposed to do research, because if you want to graduate w everyone else, you have to hand it in about 2 months into the semester, because you have to compile all your research into a portfolio and upload it, so they'll let you take the final exam during the exam period of that semester

now, the first problem was i couldn't do it in 2 months, so i was gonna do the final exam and get the diploma next semester, so a whole summer later. and i moved back home. this freaked out my mother big time. i'll never forget the 3 hours in the car on our way back from the apartment, after we packed up. she was vicious. anyway not only did i not hand in my portfolio, i just couldn't finish the paper. worked a little over the summer, i tried again with new research this september, traveled there and back in the same day (mondays) to talk to the consultant. i finally got a student job, it was and is sooo important to me because i like the environment and the people there are actually normal. and treat me like a person. i was always told and i feared that i'd never get a job or i'd be fired because i'm stupid and incompetent and i can't handle a "real" job (→ i had to study and do something intellectual) and this was not the case.. all of my fears were unfounded actually everything is okay there and i'm not an unpleasant person that customers avoid. in fact i'm pleasant. and i get on well with everyone there. i really like making coffee, i'm kind of looking for a full-time barista job or something similar right now

um. for context my dad does physical work and my mom is white collar. they're getting a divorce now, both just unhappy people, my dad's a misogynist they really hate each other he's hurt my mom a lot. etc. my mom really really really wanted me to get a diploma, she thinks the only reason i would opt out is laziness and a general disinterest for all useful things in life (i think this is related, she wants me to have a better life than dad and to be a different, better person). i couldn't stand her breathing down my neck. two days ago she checked on me SEVEN times during the day, asking if i'm studying (i wasn't btw). my home life is frequently awful even without the added stress of studying, i just couldn't do it anymore. i never even liked studying, it made me miserable most of the time, to have things that i Must do by a certain deadline. some lectures/seminars were fun and stimulating and some weren't, some schools of thought i'm really interested in and others i think are horseshit, this is normal stuff. still, i didn't really find my place within psychology ? and anyway, if i decided i wanted to be a child therapist or a family therapist or work in adoption, it's a looong road there.

if i can only do a 15 page research paper with several extensions and while using up all of my energy to deal with the personal/mental health crisis that is "important project", Without actually ever dealing and resolving this crisis (because, i did try again and again and the same crisis would set in every time), the master's degree is just out of the question. psych BA is half a degree, it's useless in this country without the master's. except for being able to say "i have a degree", it's good for that, some employers ask for only that. and there are certain MAs you can do with a psych BA that aren't psych so of course it wouldn't have been useless. but that's just not reason enough to keep doing this, y'know? it was painful and destabilizing, i couldn't let go of this idea that my academic success or my output or my work is what i'm worth. intellectually, personally. so if i don't do well, i'm dumb or i can't think in complex concepts or my. executive functions are just subpar and i'll never make it in fields that require any studying at all (ofc as i saw it, this last thing would still be my fault because i should've learned to study better and should've worked on my attention span and should've just Wanted it harder and learned to stick with things, and learned to do stuff i don't want to do, or that i don't enjoy doing).

this was untenable, i worked myself into these states, my family couldn't deal with me or help me either. but the main reason i've decided to quit uni (for now; for at least a year i'm quitting and then i'll see if i resume the program) is i want to do something on my own terms. and not be obligated to finish this for my mother, or to be the kind of person she requires me to be. i can't be that person. i'm my own person. as long as i live here and i'm studying (and failing and trying again and failing and-), i can't be my own person. if i finish this program, it has to be because i'm in a better place and ideally getting more support and because i really want it. and it's my thing. currently uni isn't my thing, it's my mother's thing... so yeah i'm much happier now that i've let go of this, and promised myself i'd do what i can to be financially stable (somewhat) and to move out!

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

[aberooski]

Y'all aren't ready for OUAD (Abby's version), you're just not.

[wereh0gz]

Not feeling great abt some of my creative endeavors rn

[raine-world]

Autocorrect stop changing "Quirrel" to "Squirrel" challenge: Impossible.

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Squeaks and flaps hands!

A Work of Magic is officially up on Ao3!!!

--> https://archiveofourown.org/works/47501014/chapters/119709694 <--

I apparently have to do some editing before I post the rest, because I’ve become a lot more discerning over when to use Little Details. (Prepositional phrases, italics, emdashes, etc. I also like colons and semi-colons now, which adds Variety to the punctuation pool.)

But I’ll be updating it as I edit! It’s the low-spoons kind of editing, really. I might even do another chapter or two before I go to bed tonight...

My goal is to get it caught up with the ffdn posting within the next month, though. Preferably before the trip to NY!

[mr-mustache-penis]

i really don't know why i bother writing fic anymore :/

[archaeren]

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

[dekuofficial]

beside myself with grief at Arcane season 2 but i have self indulgent fanfic and cute fanart to stare at for hours so its fine i'm coping i swear

[blue-skiesand-silverlinings]

I rarely post here, but I do need to vent, because if I don't do it here, I'll end up doing it all over the notes in the next Blue Skies and Silver Linings chapter and that just isn't the time or place. I don't need to bog down the chapter with all this.

I know some of y'all who read it also attend to watching this blog for the art I do, so here it goes. This is a response to a semi-recent reviewer regarding some things in some of the recent chapters, but I will not name them because I'm not into the whole doxxing culture over something stupid like a half-assed complaint about some recent things that went down in said chapters.

I get it, I'm slow in updating so the story's been dragging (I apologize, I sincerely do), but goddamn dude. I do have a life, like a job, kids, pets, bills, the whole nine yards. The only thing I lack is a beta, so I'm usually stuck scanning things myself before I post them, but things do slip by. Not everyone is perfect.

So, here it goes, this is response is particularly aimed towards the trash takes against military culture and what they think is absolutely wrong, because it's absolutely apparent that they hadn't served a day in their life. Don't at me, bro. I have receipts for my service.

So let's fucking do this.

I’ve seen people get reduced in rank for a lot of stupid shit. That includes back-talking your superiors. They can take away everything, including the privileges of going off base, driving your own car (if you have one), or even something as simple as wearing civilian attire (blue jeans, sneakers, and t-shirts, anyone?). If you live off base, not anymore, you don’t! You're back in the barracks, and you have to check in with the duty hut every two hours (or however often the intervals are set at), on the hour, or they’ll report your ass. They’ll knock you down in rank, cut your pay in half, and they can do it for up to six months, maybe even longer (depending on severity of the NJP, it's up to command discretion).

Shit can, will, and does roll downhill. And that can include your career, so choose your attitude with care when dealing with military folk that are closer to the top.

When someone in power decides to flex their power by making your life hell, the stupidest thing you can do is provoke them (ie anything can provoke them, from not doing something fast enough to just breathing loudly; they're not picky on how they can tear you down). You can’t just quit like a regular job and skip town either. If you try, it just might get you court martialed for going AWOL; that means when you’re caught, you’re going to sit in front of a military judge, reviewed by a military panel of peers, and you'll be supported or attacked by military lawyers.

They can kick you out and dishonourably discharge you. You lose everything if that happens, including being seen by the VA hospitals and other “perks” after getting out (including college tuition or disability compensation for any issues you sustained while in the military). A PFC’s word against a Gunnery Sergeant? They’ll always take the gunny’s word over yours, any day of the week because rank = trustworthiness and more weight in power. It doesn't matter how honest you are, how much integrity you have. At the end of the day, rank means everything.

And believe me, those kinds of people are just aching to let loose, and they are looking for that chance to play fuck-fuck games, and once they have it, they’ll pounce. Why? Because they can! They love to set you up for failure and laugh about it. They'll even string you along so that you take the bait, and fall into those kinds of traps.

Those kinds of people will sell your soul to Satan for one corn chip if they could. They’ll throw their own mothers under the bus if it meant keeping their asses out of trouble. Being under the command or working alongside someone like that can make damn near anyone neurotic and anxious and terrified for even thinking the wrong thing, especially if you’re brand-new to a unit and they immediately decide, “Ah, yes. I would like to ruin this person’s life because it’ll be entertaining to me”.

(I’m not saying this doesn’t happen in the civilian world, it absolutely does, but the military is a whole different beast altogether as far as culture goes. And the people in this culture are just as likely, if not more so, able to get away with this kind of abuse. Yes, abuse. What these people do has a name, and abuse is what it is called. It shouldn't have a place in work spaces, and yet, here we are.)

This is why a lot of people get out of the military, a lot of GOOD people who want to stay in but can’t if it means dealing with the bad leadership and losing the battle against them. Those baddies love ruining lives and they're good at twisting things so the system works for them and no one else, and the bad ones continue to stay in collecting paychecks, and they get up into higher ranks, and continue to rot away the core of the branches they’re working in.

I’ve met and seen people who were affected in ways much worse than me, and they are Not Doing Great, even if they’re out by now or about to get out. When I was in and I was stuck under people like this, I was too scared to go to anyone for help because word travels fast and it's not a matter of IF it gets back to those people, it's a matter of WHEN. And when it does, you're in for a world of hurt. They'll find ways to hurt you. Maybe not physically (they still will. They'll keep their hands clean and make you hurt indirectly, but they will find a way). They'll find ways to exhaust you to the point of ruination. They always do.

They make you feel hopeless, small, and all alone, and unable to reach out for help because they can twist it to make it seem like you're crazy and stupid and just saying shit to get attention and they revel in it. And these are people who might have their own families and kids and lives, but they will absolutely put everything on pause just to fuck you up!

That shit stays with you. That shit changes your brain chemistry. I get nightmares about being back in and back under those awful people and I'm once again a junior Marine instead of a Sergeant, or I'm having to go through boot camp all over again as a grown-ass woman and not a dumbass 19-year-old and I end up back at my old base, and I wake up fearful and anxious and it sets me physically, emotionally, and mentally off-kilter for the rest of the day, if not the week. There's a reason I keep telling people, I will NEVER go back to NC because that whole entire state just makes me physically ill. I KNOCKED A WHOLE ASS STATE OFF MY "PLACES TO GO" LIST. I will not drive through it, fly over it, nothing. I don't care. Drop my ass off at the border, I'll wait for you to come and get me or I'll find my way around, thanks.

It really is that simple (as I presented it in the chapter) and I can’t believe I have to explain this in so many words because apparently, the few I used didn't get through to you because you apparently can't understand nuance.

Also, one last thing. Have you ever considered that if a character (especially one that is MINE, as in, they're Not Canon, they're MY OC) is acting "OOC", it might be a case of invoking the trope, "OOC is Serious Business"? If you want to go make your own wet-dream military character and model them off of something like Battlefield or Call of Duty or Halo, or whatever, then you go for it. By all means, you do you.

But don't sit there and act like your opinions are facts on how someone else's OC should act if they're not your own damn creation...who are you to accuse someone that they're own OC is "acting OOC"? I beg your finest fucking pardon.

Keep coming at me with the dumbass energy about this though, I will match it and bury your ass because you didn't even finish reading the recent chapters, you skimmed at best worst. It was very evident in the way you did a half-assed job in trying to tear down the chapter that you "reviewed" in. You have absolutely no leg to stand on.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

[bredforloyalty]

awesome when. you're procrastinating but for some reason you can't do the mindless enjoyable activities you want to do that would take your mind off whatever's causing anxiety because you have to do another activity (like khm meet up with a friend) so you get the worst of both worlds bc work isn't getting done and you're also anxious🩷

[kuiinncedes]

ahdfgjh

[dcxdpdabbles]

DCxDP Fanfic: Shift

Danny wanders down the street, confused.

A few minutes ago, he had been sure that the tour guide and his school group were only a few feet away. They were on the last day of their three-day field trip, covering the history of one of the oldest cities in the USA.

It's not the oldest, but the closest Casper High could offer. Gotham City is much bigger than Amity, but it didn't have anything really interesting about it besides having more things to do. Its only claim of fame was how old some significant buildings were in Old Gotham.

Still, for some students who have yet to leave the small town of Amity Park, Gotham was a thing of wonder. Danny couldn't wait to explore with Sam and Tucker tomorrow on their free day. They were going to walk around the plaza market and the mall.

Gotham's mall had five floors. Five.

Then Danny noticed the hotdog cart just a few feet away from the guide informing the group about the large theater, the first public building in Gotham. He hadn't cared for how many balls were held there or how, a few hundred years later, the building gained a stage and seats.

He gestured to the cart to tell Sam he wanted to buy one. He turned to Tucker, but his friend was genuinely interested in the history lesson and shook his head. Danny figured they would cover for him, so he stepped to the side to buy a hotdog, keeping Tucker and Sam in his provisional vision.

He had just finished putting the ketchup on his food when he realized the sounds of the busy city had shifted. It wasn't that it went silent or anything. It was more like sound traveling from one headphone to another.

But he wasn't wearing earbuds, which made the shifting noise extremely alarming. He looked up and around, but everything seemed to stay the same, except there was less traffic, and the sidewalk wasn't as clean as he initially thought. Also, what happened to the sun? Where did all these clouds come from?

Danny turned to ask Tucker and Sam if a freak storm was supposed to happen, but they were gone. So was the Amity Park group. Swinging his head back and forth, he attempts to spot them in the moving crowd, but he can't spot a familiar face.

How did twenty-seven people move that quickly and silently?

"Hey! You need to pay for that!" The hotdog vendor on the other side of the cart shouts. "The ketchup isn't free!"

"But I just bought these two from you." Danny raises his food so that the man can see the logo of his own cart. The man's eyes widen when he sees it. "I just paid-"

"You little thief! You stole from my cart!" The man sneers. Danny reels back, surprised by the accusation as much as the rage in which the man yells. It seems like an overreaction to the student.

"No, I literally just handed you seven dollars for-" Whatever Danny is going to say is cut off by the man cocking a gun, now aimed at his face. Nearby, a woman screams, and the walking crowd breaks into a run, almost as if it's practice clearing the street in seconds.

Wow, it's a much better reaction time than the people of Amity Park. He would have been impressed if he hadn't had a gun aimed at his face.

"What are you doing?"

"You damn street rats are the reason good upstanding citizens like me are struggling! Go back to your county!" The man hisses, and Danny is confused by the sudden attitude shift of what he previously thought was a friendly vendor to take the gun in his face seriously.

The guy wasn't even that scary, not with that pathetic stance. Danny had learned a better stance by the time he was five, and his father had pointed a gun at him in a more threatening way that one time he was dressed as a rubber duck than this.

Scowling, Danny pushes the gun away with the tips of his fingers. "Rude. See if I give your food any stars."

The man makes the motion to pull the trigger, so Danny moves his hand into a strike, knocking the gun from his grip. In one quick turn, he turns it around and points it at the gawking man with a bored expression.

"I'm going to walk away with my meal now," He tells him, watching sweat gathering on the vendor's forehead. The pulse in the older man is rapidly bouncing around his neck, making Danny smirk.

Hotdog man goes sheet white but shutters out, "Alright."

Danny keeps the gun aimed at him even as he gathers his two dogs in one hand and backs away into the street. It's only when he turns a corner, out of sight, that Danny lowers his weapon.

He texts his friends in the three-way chat they have, asking where they went. When a few minutes goes by without the little read sign next to his words goes by, Danny tries calling them. His phone, however, claims his services are out, making him wonder if his Dad forgot to pay the bill again.

Jack could afford it, but the bill deadline always slipped his mind, and he would like to have to wait till Monday to turn it back on. Sighing, Danny decides to head back to the hotel where the school is staying, thinking it would be better to wait out for Mr.Lancer than get lost in the big city.

He strides down the street, following the same path the group took from the Hotel. As he does so, he notices something odd.

Gotham seems wrong. Darker somehow, and the previously friendly people had all vanished as everyone around him gave him dark, mistrustful glances. Not everyone smiles back when Danny says, "We're strangers, but this is a quick, friendly acknowledgment" smile.

It couldn't be the gun. Danny hides it in his pants, the same way he hides his thermos. No one should be able to tell what he's carrying.

It is strange. He's so busy trying to figure out what happened that he nearly misses the fact that the previously well-kept streets have been replaced with closed-down, decrypted buildings. He does notice that the hotel he was staying at for the past two days was boarded up, looking like it's been years since someone last used it.

"What?" He whispers, checking the large sign twice. It's the same name, but three letters are missing.

"That's what I want to know." A man grunts behind him, causing Danny to wirl around and stare in horror at the approaching police officer. "What are you doing with here?"

"I was staying at this hotel." He tells the other man, too disorientated to notice how silent the street had become. He can spot some people watching from the alleyway despite broad daylight. They were hiding. From what?

"Were you? And how much do you have on you?" The cop asks casually.

"Of what?"

The man rolls his eyes before he suddenly kicks Danny in the stomach. The boy is knocked to the floor with a soft grunt of pain. A stomp on his hand has him screaming in pain, but what really makes him angry is the fingers moving around the back of his hands until they close around his wallet.

Nah, was this cop trying to mug him?

Danny throws up a hand, using the palm of his hand to slam it against the chin of the mugger. The man's head is knocked back, and he tilts over, falling into a dead heap. Danny stands, dusts his clothes, and kicks the cop once.

He looks back to the hotel.

Where should he go now? A few seconds go by, and he can see the people in the alley cautiously start to climb out of their hiding, and he thinks it's better to try to find a phone to call home.

He twists on his heels and marches down the street, unaware of the man in yellow watching from a nearby roof.

The man reaches up to his ear, clicking on his communicator as the stranger looks confused despite knowing where he is going. "This is Signal. I found the guy that triggers the Nest's alarms. He seems trained but can't be, at most, sixteen. He also just took down Jeff, the one Gordon was talking about. Let's keep an eye on him. He looks like radiation grew legs and took the shape of a human. "

[emptywires]

OOHHHHH!! TO END THIS POST WITH THE FIRST SENTENCE OF "JACKET"!! THATS SO COOL!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE PAST TEN YEARS!! PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR YAPPING TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT!!

HAPPY TEN YEARS TO THIS BLOG AND JACKET

if you've been here as long as this blog's existence then, know i'm finna yap:

sorry but warning for me and my mental health and my journey here...

smiles i am only human after all <:3 without further ado—

i've put off this post for... many reasons (hoildays, stress, perfectionism, anxiety) but maybe i'll keep this rendition and not chicken out or delete it because it's not perfect?

i really still can't believe i missed the anniversary for this! nov 29th huh? (yes i can actually !!! at the time i had just started a new job and that's where all my willpower has been.) but i fondly remember those ten years ago, that nov 29th is just as close to december anyway. so i always lead myself to think it's dec and not nov! details !!!

i don't think it'd make a difference but i do so want to get this in before the new year... (adding unnecessary stressors to myself smh)

it's been quite a ride through addhell. it's weird... to think how much has happened here. it's insane to think about how this one white hair anime boy changed my live in ways i could never fathom

picture it with me, a no one in a group of friends. with nothing but... the ambition of friendship, and the love of writing to fuel him, and a new username ready to take on the world: mymastermine.

that group of friends holds three: me, my would be DIE, and my would be LP. (does... does anyone remember those days of us three causing chaos laughs - tho mostly two, i suppose) we would make our way into the fandom, make tons of things, meet some people, make things with those people and make friends, lose some people, and grow, grow, grow...

there's just been... so much in ten years. ten years guys !!! that's a lot !!! i was a proud senpai and kouhai all at once! i'd found a really cool sensei. i ran into artists who drew things for me and i wrote for them!

i watched the rise AND fall of void els (raise your hand if you're an oger), in real time watched vMM became a cultural phenomenon (you're lying to yourself if you dont think he was - ykb did something irreversible to the add fandom that day i fear 😂 he's still relevant to this day lmFAO thank ykb for ur service), i watched the top LP/bottom LP debates :/, i'd poked my head into the els tag to see yall fighting but then i'd see some cool things too! i've seen so many cool projects and zines -- hell, got to actually take part in one! (cringe as it was - our writing, not the zine but still proud of doing that !!!)

addcest/hellsword (tumblr) isn't what it use to be though. (hell tumblr itself isn't what it use to be, let's be real LMAO) but... i think that i love that hasn't stopped some of us for cherishing and/or still loving add to this day.

i think if you'd told past me i'd be doing this, writing for one (1) singular anime boy, i wouldn't be surprised - couldn't expect it to go any other way i think

i'm not sure how to feel that ten years later i am still writing for him - it's been quite obvious where i felt it wane (but that was more my life and mental health (was in quite few depressive episodes - still am lmao), and joy - or lack thereof at the times - of writing and placing my joy momentarily elsewhere) but... wow i'm still here? LMAO

but i've met so many amazing people because of him... i've made connections, some not quite lasting, but then... there's always someone else there isn't there?

(i met dez and rain-kouhai for the first time recently! i've met more people for add hell between now and maybe 2-3 years ago! can you imagine that??? people still interacting, still wanting to talk about add - i literally can't! i go on twitter kr/jp and go "wow new add fanart" and feel so lucky !!!)

it's just little joys like this that makes me appreciate such things

i guess what i'm trying to say... thank you add for all the connections i've had and made.

thank you to my original trio

thank you to addhell tumblr... ! (literally would have never known some of yall)

thank you to void els (for gay add marriage lmao but also some more cool friends and mutuals)

thanks discord for hosting gay add ramblings and ao3 for letting me put my gay shit there

thank you - to anyone and everyone who has ever read my work and supported me - friends, mutuals, strangers, anons - and to anyone who's drawn/wrote for or with me! (yes, i think about your comments, your kind words, your support! yes your comment, you!) 😭😭😭 it is the simple act of creating and sharing/encouraging that seriously drives me forward in every word i type... and this alone feels like it's not enough!

but mostly, thank you add, for everything, really

where da hell would this bnuuy be without you?

i was going to... add a more emotional spiel but i think this is good enough, don't nya'll think? :')

"i'm so glad you're still here even after all these past ten years"

you know what? i think i might just be too

thanks for the one whole decade everyone wahoo !!!

-

"they shared a bed together." - jacket, nov 29th 2014

[christhopersturniolo]

୨ PODCAST ୧

summary: matt leaves the podcast because of his brother's jokes, and y/n comforts him.

warnings: cussing, sad, fluff

notes: this fanfic was a request! also english is not my first language so im sorry about any mistake

୨୧

The day with the Triplets has been a little stressful, specially for Matt. Each time he spoke, his brothers would joke saying that he was being way too ‘depressed’ and ‘miserable’. Or Nick would always answer with ‘Yeah, yeah nobody wants to hear about that shit’.

Now, after they invited me to their podcast, here I am, sitting next to my boyfriend, holding his hand gently.

As Chris and Nick keep talking over their brother, calling him ‘Miserable Matt’ I could see him getting more annoyed, his eyes watering, and it feels like I'm the only one seeing his discomfort.

I don’t really know what to do, cause obviously his brothers are just joking, and I'm not sure how to intervene without making things awkward.

They keep teasing him over and over.

“I'm not going to sit here for like another 55 minutes or some shit.” Matt’s voice getting slowly lower.

“What? What was that? That mumble? I can’t understand you.” The older triplet mocks him, but he tries to ignore it. “Ok go ahead-“

“Now you are ‘mumble Matt’ too” Chris laughs after Nick’s comment. “It's like I can't even understand what you are saying, sounds like rocks rolling down a hill, your voice”

I try to end the conversation "Can we just-" Before I can finish, Chris and Nick burst into laughter "Can we start the podcast?" I try again, but Matt lets out a heavy sigh.

Nick continues “it literally sounds like an avalanch coming out of your mouth” Matt gets up aggressively, starting to leave the room “I’m not doing this shit anymore.”

“Oh come on Matt!” Chris says chucking. They laugh some more as I just think of what to do. I get up from my seat, hurrying after him “Hey.. Matt..” I begin, attempting to catch his attention. However, before I could reach him, he gets in his room, and slams the door in my face, leaving me standing outside. I'm sure this is not just about the stupid jokes they were making.

I hesitate for a moment before making any move, thinking if I should open the door, i’m sorry, but I can't just ignore the urge to check on him.

With a deep breath, I reach out and calmly push the door open. Inside, I find Matt lying on his bed, his face buried in his pillow, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“Can we talk love?” I say quietly closing the door behind me.

He lifts his head, his eyes red and puffy, his expression a mixture of sadness and anger. "What do you want?" His voice defensive.

Ignoring his tone, I move closer and sit on the bed.

With a gentle touch, I reach out and place my hand on his back, offering a silent gesture of comfort. For a moment, we sit in silence, until I interrupt it.

“Can you tell me what has been going on lately?” I ask softly, my voice filled with concern.

“Nothings going on” He sniffs, still with his face in the pillow “I’m fine” His voice barely above a whisper.

I shake my head, not trusting his words. "You don't seem fine to me" He stays silent, I take a deep breath.

I adjust my position, leaning against the headboard of the bed. I decide to take a different approach instead of talking “Come here..” I pat the spot next to me, in sign for him to come closer “Let's just cuddle for a bit."

He completely stops acting rude in the moment I suggest it, Matt scoots closer, laying his head on my chest, his arms around my waist. I stroke his smooth brown hair. I kiss the top of his head. We stay like this for some good ten minutes.

He presses his face into the crook of my neck and whispers with a shaky voice “I’m just so fucked up..”

Gently, I cupped his cheeks, lifting his head from my neck, making him look into my eyes “Matt.. Why do you say that?”

"I just.. I don't know" He admits. "I'm just so fucking exhausted of feeling like this all the time..”

I sigh, I hate seeing him in this state. “Since when do you feel like that?” I wait patiently for Matt's response, he looks away.

“I don’t know.. For some long time now.. I guess I've been trying to push it away, but it just keeps coming back, over and over.” As he spoke, I could see the pain in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I couldn't see it sooner babe.." I whisper, reaching out to gently brush away his tears. "I should have known something was wrong." I kiss his forehead.

He shakes his head "It's not your fault" He murmurs "I don’t want you to worry"

I wrap my arms around him, holding him close. "But I do worry, Matt" I confess softly. "I care about you more than anything."

He buries his face deeper into my chest. "I love you so much.." He whispers, his voice muffled by the fabric of my shirt.

"I love you too.." I whisper back in his ear, squeezing him tightly.

୨୧

sorry this is so short 😭😭

tags: @muwapsturniolo