#now i can go read the manga again. i always read a few chapters on wano and then watch the episodes im curious about :')) but its so good | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starmapz · 4 months ago

Text

shame on me || chapter ten || moving on

gojo satoru x female vessel reader

❝gojo satoru is the strongest sorcerer. when you come along with power to match his own, his responsibility to the world gets the best of him and his first impression is poor to say the least. when he needs your help, by some miracle you're too kind to deny him. or maybe he's just manipulative enough to convince you. either way, you're stuck training his student, a vessel like you. what could possibly go wrong?❞

warnings || 18+ only. contains explicit content. enemies to lovers. extreme angst. graphic descriptions of injury and death. hurt/no comfort. hurt/comfort. fluff. major character death. anxiety. panic attacks. extreme slow burn. eventual smut. p in v. oral (f! and m! receiving). praise. overstimulation. unprotected. fingering. mating press. slight nanami x reader. happy ending!

additional tags || gojo is a dumbass but very lovable. very very very minor love triangle, will not be a main theme. no competing. takes place after season 2. au where gojo is not sealed and the shibuya incident does not go down the same. nanami is alive. choso is around. no major manga spoilers but will contain themes and ideas touched on later.

wc || 6k.

edited but not beta-read.

series masterlist || main masterlist || previous chapter || next chapter

The smell of lavender wafts in the air as blossoms dance in the cool breeze at your feet. Clouds cover the sun and threaten rain, although the forecast didn’t call for it, so you had decided to water your plants regardless.

Off to the side, Gojo lays in the grass, the top button of his uniform unbuttoned with a white T-shirt visible beneath, his blindfold laying at his shoulders. His arm is draped over his eyes in place of the fabric, only moving when Taro returns the ball he’d been throwing.

Your lesson with Itadori had been cut short when a mission had called for him and Kusakabe. In reality, you knew Kusakabe simply didn’t want to partake in the mission and had called for Yuji, but regardless it would help your student learn. Besides, Kusakabe was responsible one way or the other.

Taro barrels past both you and Satoru in a flurry, dropping his ball at Gojo’s side before taking a wide turn to chase after the ball again. Following his movement past you, your gaze travels to the cabin that had been your home so long.

You’re sure the entire place is covered in a layer of dust, a thought that leaves a pang in your stomach and you wince at the realization. For a while now, you’d been wanting to grab some of the dresses left behind in the cabin given that your arrangement with Gojo seemed at least somewhat permanent, but no matter how often the thought arose, you always convinced yourself otherwise.

“You’re gonna drown your Carnations.” Satoru sits upright, leaning back on his outstretched arm with his hand splayed in the grass. Strands of snow-white hair sway in the gentle breeze as he twists to look at the flowers at your feet.

You turn your attention to the watering can in your hand, blinking and tipping it back as you realize he’s right, you’ve been watering them the whole time you were lost in thought. It certainly wouldn’t help the flowers in any way but you supposed at least it wouldn’t kill them. Sighing, you run a hand through your hair, pushing it out of your face.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, Pretty?”

Your heart does a backflip that you choose to push aside as you set the watering can at your feet. Satoru’s intense stare is set on you as he watches you grimace and take a step back away from the garden.

“Would you mind doing me a favor?”

“Need some muscle?” He asks with a cocky grin, not missing a beat.

“No, Satoru,” you roll your eyes at his suggestion, shooting a glance at your old cabin. “I just wanna grab a few things from my cabin, I was hoping you could keep me company.”

“‘Course.”

You almost hate how quickly he agrees and hops to his feet without a second thought or a moment’s hesitation. You’re certain you could ask for the moon and he would move mountains to bring it to you. It’s an uneasy thought that you’re not only growing accustomed to his presence, but more than ever you’d begun to seek his presence.

He’d become your rock. It was hard to deny it anymore. He didn’t dare leave your side and even Yaga had agreed it was the best course of action to keep him near you if it meant preventing another incident.

Still, you wondered if the reason he was always nearby was truly out of a duty to keep you and Yuji safe, or if he just wanted to be with you in truth. In reality, it was most likely the latter.

Even Miriko had grown accustomed to him. Every once in a while Satoru would wake up to Miriko sitting enjoying a coffee and he didn’t seem to think twice about it, not minding her presence either.

They’d even had a strange heart to heart where Satoru had apologized. Her admission that she didn’t mind him had felt more like a parent’s approval of a boy you brought him, though the parent and the relationship lacked from the situation. Either way, it made you want to bury your face in a pillow in embarrassment, despite being stuck in her innate domain. The best you could find was a ripped and rugged sail.

Looking at the big picture though, things had become easy with him. It was easy to slip into conversation with him, easy to sit with him on the couch as he explained his favorite reality show, easy to talk about the cheesy romance book you were reading. It all felt natural.

Satoru hops to his feet, grabbing the cabin key for you since he’d taken it a while ago in order to gather some of your belongings. When he returns, his tall stature towers over you at the base of the stairs to your old cabin, invading your personal space as he always does with a grin and the key dangling from his forefinger.

You reach up to take it, shooting him a disgruntled glare as he holds it juuuust out of reach.

“Nuh uh, whaddya say?”

“Thank you for bringing me the key you stole?”

His smile falters, brow scrunching in mock frustration. “Well when you put it like that it doesn’t sound as good,” he grumbles playfully, his hand falling just low enough for you to jump and pull the key away from him.

You playfully shove his chest and hop up the stairs to the door.

The sight of the inside of the cabin catches you oddly off-guard and you pause in the door. Satoru collides with you, bringing both hands up to rest on either of your upper arms and hold you both upright. He mumbles a ‘sorry’, letting you take in the sight before you.

The cabin is, indeed, covered in a layer of dust. The overcast sun of the afternoon filtering through the window casts enough light to see the dust that hangs in the air, all signs of life dissipated from the cabin. Unwashed mugs still sit in the sink, a blanket is casually laying over the back of the couch, a fork and plate sit on the table, and some of Taro’s toys still litter the floor.

Satoru’s thumbs rub soothing circles on both of your arms as he takes a step forward with you, his warmth remaining a close and comforting presence. Swallowing your nerves, you let out a breath and lead the way upstairs to the bedroom where your clothes are.

The sheets are still thrown aside as if someone had just woken up and photo frames still line the walls. A small photo frame holding a photo of you and your dad, as well as one of Taro sopping wet from diving headfirst into the ocean hang neatly on the wall. Kento’s charge cable lays expectantly on the bedside table alongside an old tie, twisting into your gut like a knife.

But you don’t cry. For the first time, you take a deep breath and soldier your way into the room, opening the closet and sifting through for the summer clothing you’re looking for. Satoru holds his hands out expectantly, letting you throw anything you want to bring into his arms. Your hands pause on a perfectly pleated tan suit, pulling your lower lip between your teeth at the sight.

But still you don’t let yourself cry.

A reassuring hand squeezes your arm and reminds you that you have support. You’re not alone anymore.

So you turn to Satoru and nod to him to lead the way back out the door, stopping to grab the photo frames of your dad and Taro on the way out.

“Thanks, Satoru.” You lock the door behind you, swallowing an uncomfortable bile that had risen in your throat as you lock away a part of your past. Securely in the past, but never forgotten, never really gone. Always in your heart, even if you are trying to make room for new memories. New people.

Gojo shoots you a handsome smile, those cheerful blue eyes flickering shut for a moment as the corners of his eyes wrinkle.

“Is that your dad?” He asks curiously, peering at the photo frame in your arms. It pulls you from thoughts threatening to spiral and you hold the photo out to him, nodding.

You’re considerably younger in the photo, wearing a jersey from your dad’s favorite team at a game. It’s before you ever met Miriko, when times were simpler.

“The one and only,” you confirm.

“He was nice when I talked to him,” he mentions, catching you off-guard as you remember that Satoru had at some point answered your phone when your dad’s calls became more and more frantic.

“Oh right, how did that go?” You ask curiously.

“He was pretty worried obviously, but he said he was happy someone was taking care of you. He seemed nice.”

“Awh, that’s-”

“At least, after he yelled at me.”

You pause, blinking at Gojo. “He what?”

He shrugs with an immature tilted smile, as though being yelled at by your father had had somewhat of an effect on him. “I took responsibility for what happened. He wasn’t happy about that but who can blame ‘im?”

You smile sheepishly. “Sorry about that,” you chuckle sheepishly.

“Nah, he was just worried.” He shrugs it off easily, following you into the cabin and to the guest room. Your room. He hands you the dresses in his arms one by one, commenting on each and every one about how pretty they are despite your obvious dismissal of his comments.

As he hands you a small black dress, his lips quirk upwards. “You should wear this one.”

“Not happening,” you mumble shyly, trying hard to ignore the heat in your cheeks as you choose not to humor him.

“You’d look stunning,” he grins with lidded eyes as he leans into your personal space. You’re accustomed to this too of course, but still your breath hitches in your throat at his close proximity. “Not that you don’t look stunning already,” he corrects suddenly, blue eyes widening with a moment of boyish innocence.

Though he liked to be a flirt and be a menace, sometimes it was easy to forget that he wasn’t as sly as he thought he was. You smirk at him, unable to deny that it was in those little moments where his confident facade broke for a more sweet one that you were charmed by him.

“Cute,” you mumble, returning to hanging the last of the dresses in your arms. Gojo’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree as he grins at you, hanging the last dress for you once you had freed him of his dress holding duty.

“I know I said it already but…” you pause, looking up at the tall sorcerer. It’s not often you get to see those gorgeous blue eyes in full, not covered by either fabric or glasses, but you’re glad you get to see them as he stares happily down at you. It’s such a stark contrast from the way he cautiously regarded you for so long and it’s so refreshing to see him so filled with hope and… affection. Like the carnation he had left for you. “Thank you, Satoru. Really.”

It feels natural, when you choose to wrap your arms around his middle. He seems surprised for a moment, his body shifting to look down at your small form wrapped tightly around his frame, but it only takes a second for him to tightly wrap his around you in return.

When Satoru hugs you, it feels like he expects the world to end. Like if this is his final moment with you, he’s going to savor it. His arms are wrapped tightly around you, fingers gripping at your bare shoulders for purchase. His warm breath fans over your head as he buries his face into your hair, the feeling of his light, nearly unnoticeable stubble lightly tickling your scalp.

His hand slides up your arm, holding your head tightly into his chest. His heart beats hard against his chest, giving away the nerves that he didn’t often let show. It’s easy to forget that Satoru can be vulnerable too.

He doesn’t let you pull away, like his life depends on holding you. Like this moment is everything to him. Because it is. His heart pounding in your ear is all the proof you need, and it sends yours spiraling as well.

“Satoru?” You try to glance up at him by tilting your head to the side, but all you can make out is his shoulder and the mop of white hair.

He gives you one last tight squeeze before hesitantly letting you go, eyes still shining brightly, though this time he looks strangely relaxed.

Shooting him a lopsided smile, you continue. “I thought that would be a lot harder, honestly. With you there, it wasn’t so bad.”

If that boy had a tail to wag, it would be swinging. He grins so widely you almost don’t recognize him. Shoko’s comment about him looking like a puppy around you is beginning to make more and more sense the more you truly notice this side of him. It’s refreshing to see him be genuine and vulnerable with you.

“I’ll always be here for you, Pretty.” And god, his voice is so genuine, you almost want to-

If I didn’t know any better, I would assume you’re falling for Six Eyes, of all people.

Your eyes widen suddenly at Miriko’s comment and in a rush to disprove her, or maybe convince yourself it isn’t true, your hands settle on his chest and you all but shove him out of the room, surprising you both.

“Sorry, um, thank you!” You tell him in a rush that has him clearly confused as he stands outside the door, unable to do anything but watch as you shut the door in his face.

“Did I-?”

You open the door again, a tinge of guilt heating up your cheeks at the sudden action.

“Just gonna change, it’s fine!” You insist, words spilling over your lips as you close and lock the door again, staring at the handle and leaving him shocked and confused.

Sliding your back down the door and sitting with your hands covering your face, you all but groan as Miriko laughs in your mind. If even Miriko’s getting a rise out of this, you know you’re in deeper than you thought.

My, I would almost think I hit the nail on the head, did I not?

Shut. Up.

–

Saturday mornings had become your favorites. You would sleep in until the sound of dawn cicadas and birdsong awoke you and without fail, the smell of bacon would follow soon after. Satoru would make you breakfast- he’d even perfected your eggs- and you would make him coffee, exactly to his taste with a few too many scoops of sugar.

He loved those mornings just as much as you did and he was sure to tell you that, chatting with you throughout the mornings as you took to listening to stories. Stories about missions, about his students, once in a while he might even open up about Suguru. Those fleeting moments of vulnerability further endeared you to him, little to his knowledge.

It was cozy.

This morning, the scent of fresh bacon and light sizzling from outside your room is missing and you frown. Your eyes flicker open and you rub the remnants of sleep from your eyes with a slow yawn.

You don’t bother to change out of the oversized shirt you’d worn to bed, throwing on shorts before peeking out of the room and searching for Satoru. The kitchen is empty and there’s no sign of him in the house, either. Closing your eyes, you don’t even sense his cursed energy nearby.

You know he’s likely out on a mission or something of the sort, but you can’t help the way your chest flutters as you hope that he’s okay. Especially given that he’d insisted on not taking missions since Kenjaku’s appearance.

Going to grab your phone, you shoot him a text. The first one you’ve ever sent that isn’t in regards to business or groceries.

10:04 AM || You: hey, everything alright?

After hitting backspace an indescribable amount of times, you hit send and decide you’ll make your own breakfast. Throwing together bacon, eggs, and toast, you make yourself and Satoru a plate.

Surely he’ll be back in time for some food, after all.

As lunch arrives with an untouched plate of bacon and eggs still sitting on the table, your worry grows tenfold. Grimacing, you open your phone and to the text that stares back at you mockingly. Surely he isn’t upset with you over shoving him out of the room yesterday, right?

No, he doesn’t hold a grudge like that. Not over something so inconsequential. That’s not Gojo.

Your thumbs move to type again, hitting send before you have the chance to meander over the specifics of the message.

1:31 PM || You: satoru? please let me know if you’re alright

With a forlorn sigh, you set your phone down and open your book back up, trying to focus on the words. Try as you may, focus eludes you as you re-read a paragraph for the dozenth time. With a finger to your temple in exasperation, you toss the book in front of you, staring at the clock. Two in the afternoon and not a word from Satoru?

Picking up your phone again, you dial his number, but it doesn’t even ring. Is his phone dead? You have half a mind to go looking for him, but then again he is an adult. He can take care of himself.

As the afternoon sun moves gradually to set, warm rays of light drifting across the surface of the coffee table before you, you wonder if it’s worth it to make him a plate for dinner. He had to be home for dinner, right?

4:32 PM || You: i’m making dinner, i’ll leave a plate for you

You pause, hesitating over the send button as you send one last message.

4:34 PM || You: please be okay.

Homemade Yakisoba in-hand, you struggle to eat your meal as worry twists your stomach. It eats every last ounce of hunger until you’re just about ready to grab Yuta and Yuji and find him yourself.

Of course, that’s when the front door lock clicks and you suddenly sense him. His overwhelming cursed energy and that bubbly presence, as he kicks the door open with a slam. You jump, eyes wide at the bags in his arms.

“You would not believe the amount of trouble I went through today-”

“Where have you been?”

“Hm?” Satoru pauses, setting both bags on the kitchen table as he spins to face you. “I was grabbing some things.”

“I texted you.”

“You did?”

“A few times.”

He pulls his phone from his pocket, fiddling with the side button and realizing sure enough, his phone is dead. He shrugs it off, turning back to his bags excitedly as he continues his ramblings about how ‘he looked everywhere’ and ‘it was so hard to find’, though he doesn’t specify what he’s going on about, nor is that where your focus is as you practically look over him for signs of wounds or wear.

“I was worried about you.” You interrupt him suddenly, standing in front of the couch still as you stare at him in the kitchen. His brow knits in confusion beneath the fabric of his blindfold as he turns to face you again.

His shoulders fall back to a relaxed position as he sees the concern etched into your features and in two long strides he’s standing before you, leaning down just a bit to be at eye level. “‘M sorry,” he apologizes genuinely. “I shoulda charged my phone.”

“No kidding,” you grumble, though in truth you’d already forgiven him. Pulling an apology from him is about as easy as pulling teeth so to receive one so easily, it’s hard to stay mad. He cheekily reaches down to grab your hand, gauging your reaction as he brings it up to his lips, leaving a charming peck on your knuckles.

“Forgive me, Sweetheart?”

As though he didn’t just light your entire body on fire with one action, one name, you nod shyly, losing any and all words.

“Good, now come see what I got,” he tells you excitedly, looping his fingers with yours as he tugs you along to the kitchen table where one small plastic bag and a larger paper bag reside.

The paper bag has a very familiar logo on it and you don’t need to look inside to know Satoru’s grabbed Kikufuku. The plastic bag, on the other hand, is small and nondescript.

“I didn’t think I’d be gone so long but I couldn’t find it anywhere,” he insists, pulling something out of the bag and spinning towards you with it behind his back before you have a chance to see what it is.

Tilting your head curiously, you attempt to peek around him, but he blocks your vision.

“Would you believe that this shit is rare now? I actually had to leave town and go to some little store in the middle of nowhere to find it, and after-”

“What is it?” You interrupt his ramblings.

He grins, presenting to you none other than Digimon Rumble Arena 2 on GameCube. Unable to help it, you giggle, which easily turns into a full-blown laugh.

What a lovesick idiot.

“You asshole, I spent all day thinking you were hurt or missing or worse and you were just- just looking for Digimon?” You giggle gleefully as you shove his chest. He grins down at you, insisting that you hold the copy of the game.

As soon as the copy is in your hands, he sheds his jacket and hops over the couch, legs spread as he lounges comfortably on the side you’d come to know as his.

“C’mon, this asshole wants to play Digimon. And he already apologized,” he derides with a sly smile, enunciating his words in jest.

“Hold on, hold on,” you insist, grabbing the extra plate of Yakisoba that you’d made, as well as your own that you’d barely touched. He thanks you, happily eating as you open the cabinet beneath the TV, pulling out an Indigo Gamecube and plugging in a matching controller and an orange one.

You hand him the orange one, player two of course, and join him on the couch.

The game comes back to you naturally and much to Satoru’s dismay, you destroy him. Every. Single. Round. Still, he’s trying his best.

“I swear I’m good at games,” he insists.

“You chose the wrong one if you were trying to impress me,” you tease as your Gabumon digivolves and knocks his Flamedramon flat on the ground.

His head hangs back as he lets out an exasperated groan at his fourth loss in a row. First, he’d insisted he was just rusty, then the stage was the problem, then the Digimon. He was running out of excuses.

“I almost had you that time!”

“Sure,” you shrug, holding in a laugh.

“No, seriously! You were so low!”

“Mhmm.”

“One more, this time I’ll win,” he insists, sitting upright as he leans forward and removes his blindfold.

“I don’t think your Six Eyes is gonna help you.”

“You don’t know.”

You raise an eyebrow at him as you hit the rematch button and it drops you back into an arena, but not only is Satoru serious about winning this time, he’s equally serious about cheating to win.

As soon as you knock him down the first time, he prods your side.

“Cheater!” You cry out in shock as he manages to land a hit on your Gabumon. You shoot him a disgruntled look and nudge his knee. He snickers happily as he continues to fight dirty, taking any opportunity to poke and prod your thighs and sides playfully.

Still, it’s not enough for him to win.

“Looks like you’re still the loser-”

Pushing off the couch before you have time to finish your sentence, Satoru leaps on top of you, using his strong arms to pin you down against the soft cushions as he moves his fingers along your sides, tickling you without relent.

“No!” You cry out, unable to help laughing as you squirm and push against him.

“Take it back! I’m not a loser!” He insists, not letting up.

“No! You cheated!” You gasp through ragged laughs as you try to grab his wrists and push him back, but his grasp on you is too strong.

“Say it! Say it and I’ll stop!” He teases with a devilish grin.

“Please!” You beg, not letting up as you playfully struggle against him. “Toru!”

That stops him dead in his tracks as those wondrous blue eyes lock onto your red ones that flutter open behind long lashes. He purses his lips, his white hair hanging down and just barely tickling your forehead from his close proximity.

With his knees and arms on either side of you, you’re in a painfully compromising position that sends a jolt of electricity up your spine, lighting your entire body on fire at the realization.

“You’ve never called me that before,” his voice is strangely husky, and you swallow as heat pools at the base of your stomach.

“Do you not like it?” You breathe, settling your hands on his biceps. You run your fingers mindlessly over the muscles, biting your lip as your eyes stray to his toned arms before flickering back to his intense gaze.

“I like it,” he says quietly, his breaths coming short and fast as his eyes follow your movements. He swallows hard, watching the way you bite your lip. A muscle in his jaw spasms as he hovers over you, the intensity shared between you both immense.

It’s as though time has stopped and only you both exist in this moment. Through all your doubts, all the time he’s been patient with you and given you the time and space you needed, you couldn’t deny the pull he had on you any longer.

Still, even as the world stands still for you both, as the evening cicadas hold their breath and the last remnants of the setting sun illuminate his long white lashes in the most beautiful and brilliant way, he waits for you. He doesn’t dare move, doesn’t make the move that he so desires, betrayed by his immense pupils.

The ball was in your court.

Nothing but adoration and anticipation glimmering in his features.

Adoration shown in the way he spent all day looking for a particular gift for you, just to see you smile even if only for a moment because he craved your smile like a drug, like an addiction.

Adoration in the way he teases you because he loves the way you can match his backtalk.

Anticipation that makes your toes curl as his sharp and handsome features stare back at you with an equal anticipation.

“Kiss me, Toru,” you whisper, letting go of all of your doubts and inhibitions, of everything holding you back. Giving in to him finally.

“Thought you’d never ask, pretty girl,” he breathes, moving down to his elbows as his lips softly meet yours. His touch grazes the side of your face as you fasten your grip on his biceps, feeling them flex beneath the pads of your fingers.

In contrast to the feverous anticipation in his eyes, his lips move slowly against yours, soft and sweet. The candied taste of his tongue ignites and sparks an eagerness in your chest and you slide your hands up his arms, cradling his cheeks as you bring him closer in an effort to quell the blooming heat in your chest.

Satoru takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue swiping along the bottom of your lip for permission. You part your lips, your tongues fighting for purchase as he puts every ounce of passion into the moment.

When you part to take a breath, both of your chests heaving, his eyes slowly flicker open to meet yours. They may as well be glowing in the way he regards you with such care and ardor.

You can’t help but smile, giggle even, both because his snowy locks are tickling your forehead, and because it feels good to be cared for by him, and it feels good to care for him. You’d both been doing it for so long at this point that it almost felt foolish how long you’d held back.

“D’you still think I’m a loser?” He teases breathlessly.

“Shut up,” you groan, pulling him back to you. One of his arms moves from its position holding him above you as he glides his fingers down your side until they find purchase at your waist. He kisses you so tenderly, so delicate like the flower he’d been taking care of to the best of his ability still sitting beautifully atop the kitchen table.

When he pulls back, he’s got a wide grin and expectant eyes.

“Let me take you out.”

“Shouldn’t we stay near Yuji to keep an eye on Sukuna?”

“One day won’t hurt him. Let me take you out tomorrow.”

You chew on your lip in thought, threatening to get lost in the galaxies that are his eyes. They flicker to the movement of your lip as it slips between your teeth, his pupils dilating at the sight.

“What did you have in mind Mr. Gojo?” You prod, watching the way his eyes darken without fail at the name you used for him, practically melting against you like honey. He shuffles his hips in an effort to get more comfortable as his cock twitches in his slacks, a movement he knows you can feel and he knows you’re goading on.

He’s trying to be more romantic than that, though.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He purrs into your ear, peppering kisses from just below your earlobe down your jaw, before returning to your lips. In spite of the hunger growing between both of you, the kiss is honey sweet, and he lets out a relaxed sigh that you swallow between your lips.

“Nothing-” you pause as a peck from the tall man interrupts your statement, “-too fancy, okay?”

He nods solemnly, a note of earnestness in his features as if taking your words to heart. “Promise.”

“And nothing too busy, I don’t like crowds.”

“I know, Sweets.”

“Oh, and nothing claustrophobic, makes me nervous with Miriko.”

He says your name in a chiding tone that tells you that he knows that already. Regardless, you smile calmly at him.

He leans in for one last peck before sitting up and adjusting his slacks in an effort to make his very obvious boner less uncomfortable. His kiss-swollen lips smile happily at you as he drapes his arm over the back of the couch behind your shoulders with a calm breath out from his nose.

“I think you might be the better Digimon.”

“I have the power of Gabumon,” you tell him as you flatten your hair from the way it’s knotted and sticking out after laying under him.

“To think that you called me a nerd,” he comically rolls his eyes as you give his chest a light shove. He kisses your temple oh so softly.

The words to tease him back die on your tongue as you admire his profile, his sharp features trained on the looping character select screen. He looks tired, as he always does though he hides it well, but peace settles comfortably over not just his facial features, but his muscles.

You smile at the sight, wondering what weight he carries with him that he chooses not to confide in anyone, what it truly means to be the strongest.

After all, you’ve seen the way he’s treated by others. You’ve seen the way that not only he, but Yuji and Yuta as well, are expected to act by the higher-ups and even Yaga. You’ve seen the way he’s treated as inhuman at times by others.

Hell, you’d seen the way he’d acted inhuman. Not even just in battle, but the way he would stand stoic and take your verbal berating without a single reaction and not bat an eye at the interaction, simply because that was how he was meant to act. It was almost as though it was a trained reaction.

He had trained himself to be what he was expected to be.

It was sad, really. To think that the goofy, caring, and even charming individual who sat with his eyes closed in bliss to your side had had everything taken from him on account of being the strongest.

And just like that, everything clicks. As if you’re seeing Satoru, really seeing Satoru, for the first time. Everything he’d acted on that had led you here, to this moment, all makes sense.

Would he have been so aggressive upon first meeting you if he hadn’t been told to act in such a way? If he hadn’t, would you be here, now, sitting at his side?

Leaning into him, you watch his peaceful expression quirk into a smile as he pulls you into his chest, enveloping you into a hug. You hum contentedly, closing your eyes as you rest your head on his shoulder.

The soft light of the sun has long faded, leaving you both basking in one another’s presence. The interruption of the looping song on the TV has long been tuned out as your hearts seem to beat in sync. Slowly but surely, it seems he’s filling holes in your heart and healing wounds on his own accord.

You could have cuddled that way for five minutes or five hours, you wouldn’t have any way of knowing, time a concern of the past. As Satoru’s breathing steadies, the rise and fall of his chest growing rhythmic, you giggle to yourself and give him a small shake.

“Toru, you should get some rest.”

“I am,” he retorts cheekily, not bothering to open his eyes.

“You better not fall asleep on our date tomorrow.”

“I won’t,” he insists, “but let me have this for one more moment.”

Your chest flutters at his insistence to keep you in his arms as he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck.

One moment really is never just one moment with him, though.

When his breathing grows rhythmic again and small snores part his lips, you giggle and move from his side without disturbing him. You move around the kitchen and living room, cleaning up from your afternoon of games and fooling around.

You lift the case for the Digimon game, your thumb smoothing over the front cover.

What a wonder, to think that Satoru Gojo had spent all day looking for this for you. You couldn’t even be upset about his lack of communication when it was clear that in his foolish mission to find the game, it had simply slipped his mind.

To think that this was the same man who you’d struggled to get along with for so long, who seemed to oppose you at every turn, and now you were practically fawning over him. You smile to yourself with a shake of your head. How the times had changed over the past two months.

Satoru shuffles, cerulean irises focusing on you as he realizes you’ve left his arms. An easy smile spreads over his drowsy features.

“Ready to get some rest now?” You ask him.

“Yeah, yeah.” He pushes himself to his feet, offering you his hand as he pulls you up off the floor from where you’d been putting the Gamecube away. Effortlessly pulling you up to him, he squeezes your hand and leads you to your door.

"G’night, sweet girl,” Satoru all but slurs languidly as he tries not to yawn.

“Goodnight, Satoru.”

series masterlist || main masterlist || previous chapter || next chapter

a/n || a bit of a shorter chapter since the next one will be the big date but when I tried to put them all into one it was a bit of a mega chapter so i hope everyone enjoyed this sweet little moment with toru ♡

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shiro-s2e2-erukinzu · 6 months ago

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Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 98... You have been warned...! 👌

[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]

This chapter literally broke me in more ways than one...

This chapter is a continuation of Martha and Henderson's backstory from Mission 97, so let's talk about it shall we...?

So when I opened this chapter and saw a radio...:

...I literally got PTSD from seeing it because it immediately made me think of the first part of Mission 62, Twilight's (or rather [REDACTED]'s) past, so I knew that things were about to take a turn for the worst...! 😔

On the same page, Martha asks Henderson what he's doing here and he tells her that there's a personnel shortage, so he got to graduate early. Then, Henderson turns off the radio and says this:

This is just... It's so sad, but true that things, like radios, that were once made for helping others can easily be used to spread hatred and cause harm... It's just not right... 😞

Moving on, after being separated for so long, Martha and Henderson were able to have another tea party like they used to have, but it wasn't long before things started to take a turn... During a school safety drill, Martha asks Henderson if he's excused from being drafted, and he tells her...:

"It may be that even education is powerless now."... 😟

Hearing Henderson say that hurts my soul... But nothing could prepare me for the next few pages...

Why... Why do things like this have to happen... 😣

No, things like this SHOULDN'T happen...! Innocent people dying because of senseless violence, because of war, it's just not right nor is it fair...! And I will always stand by that...!!

Continuing on, Henderson finds out that Martha is volunteering for The Women's Defense Auxiliary and he's upset by this. She tells him that the ballet company she was a part of is going to disband and her dream will go with it, so he scolds her again and she tells him this:

My heart hurts just seeing the anguish in face and in her words...!! 💔

And the heart break continues because Martha overhears that Henderson is going to be married off and she is devastated... But while in tears, she overhears that the dance is coming again, so this is her last chance to tell him how she feels...!

At the dance, Martha approaches Henderson:

Martha looks so cute here...!! 💗 I was so excited to see them dance together, that when I turned the page, something unexpected happened... I started to cry...:

Seeing them happy, even though just for this moment, it reminded me why I love Spy X Family so much... It's for these moments, the moments that most of S×F's cast is fighting for, the moments that we all should strive for...!! There are just so many bad things going on in the world that it makes wish that moments like these could be the norm for all instead of some...!! I just don't understand why must there be so much hatred and malice in the world... Why can't we all live in peace instead of conflict...

Gosh, I'm even crying now just writing all of that... I should probably start to wrap this up...!

So, just as Martha is about to confess to Henderson, this happens...:

...and the chapter ends... 💔😭💔

And that was Mission 98; truly such a heartwreching chapter to read, just like Mission 62 was...

I don't even know what else to say except thank you to Endo... Thank you for making this manga, for getting me feel all of these feelings, for giving me the opportunity to share these feelings with everyone that loves this series as much as I do...!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart...!! 💗

And thank you to all of you that reads this post...!! There's a lot of things that I wish that I could do to make the world a better place, but if this post inspires you in anyway, that's good enough for me...!! 💗

Sorry for rambling, but anyway... Until the next Mission; take care, be safe out there and thank you for reading...!! 🤗 Later!! 💗

#spy x family #sxf #spyxfamily #spy x family manga #sxf manga #spyxfamily manga #spy x family spoilers #sxf spoilers #spyxfamily spoilers #manga spoilers #Mission 98 #henry henderson #martha marriott #This chapter broke me...#I can't tell you how much desipe war...#I can't wait to see what happens next...!!#Also...#FUCK WAR!!

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thankskenpenders · 1 year ago

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And now for something new

So, here's something I was never planning on doing, but I just couldn't shake the idea... Thanks Ken Penders is gaining a sister blog featuring an entirely different comic franchise!

Introducing... Thanks Steve Ditko, a blog where I read the Earth-616 Spider-Man comics, starting all the way back in the '60s! It's gonna be much more casual and less thorough than how I run things here on TKP, though, which I'll explain in a sec.

If seeing me post weird bits from old Spider-Man comics sounds fun and you need no further info, then just head right on over to Thanks Steve Ditko. But for longtime TKP readers, I know you probably have questions...

Number one: Why?

Spider-Man's always been my favorite superhero, and with the Spider-Verse movies kicking ass and my excitement building for the new Insomniac game, I've been in a Spidey mood. Inevitably, a thought occurred to me: Maybe I should actually read the comics that everything else is built off of and see the wildly varying contributions of all the original creators, rather than filtering them through big budget adaptations. If I can power through One Piece and all these other manga with hundreds of chapters, it can't be that hard... right?

And, well, after a few issues I quickly realized that my options were to either clog up my other accounts with random Spider-Man panels for years, or to just make a side blog. And so the side blog was born.

Two: Will this blog replace Thanks Ken Penders?

NO!!!!!!!!!

Okay but prove it

To allow the two to exist side-by-side, Thanks Steve Ditko will have a different format than what Thanks Ken Penders developed. Rather than an in-depth guided tour that critically analyzes every story beat of every issue, TSD will just be a place for amusing panels and brief thoughts as I casually read the comics at my own pace.

If you've seen me make a few tweets about reading Spider-Man recently, I'm basically just moving that to a dedicated Tumblr. It's a place for me to dump these things so that it doesn't fill up my media tab on Twitter for the next decade. (You know, assuming Twitter is still around in a decade.) There will be many issues where I only post two panels that I thought were funny. There will be issues where I don't have anything to say at all. Maybe I'll reach a run that I just cannot get into, and I start skipping around more. Who knows!

This may sound similar to what I thought this blog would be before it blew up. Aside from the simple fact that there's already mountains of Spider-Man commentary out there and therefore less of a void for me to fill, one of the main steps I'll be taking to avoid repeating the past is not enabling an ask box on TSD. I do not need people to ask me to go into ten times more detail on everything. I do not need to write seven essay-length responses to questions about Spider-Man minutiae every day. I do not need a place for people to chide me for not covering certain scenes, issues, or ancillary series.

It also won't have any kind of update schedule. I'm trying to keep it very casual. I'm reading these comics at my own pace, and if I feel like sharing a moment or commenting on something while doing so? It goes there. That's it.

(On the subject of format changes, I'm also listing the issue, writer, and penciller in the body of every post. This is a thing I wish I'd done on TKP so that people didn't misattribute every weird Archie Sonic panel I post to Penders.)

Three: So when will TKP come back from hiatus? You said it'd come back after you finished SLARPG!

I don't know! Sorry. I have a couple things on the backburner right now for TKP, but I'm not sure when I'll get back to proper updates where I read more comics.

I wanted to bring TKP back this year, and that's still possible. The main hurdle is that I want to reread my own archive (again) as a refresher, which is, uh. A lot of posts. I've developed a high standard for myself on here, and I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job right if I forgot half the ongoing subplots and character arcs and didn't bring them up in my analysis. Especially when I'm discussing the work of an author as obsessed with continuity as Ian Flynn. Unfortunately, the nature of this blog means that every time I go on another long hiatus for Life Reasons I have even more comic continuity to catch up on than last time.

(This is a big part of why I'm making Thanks Steve Ditko an extremely casual blog instead of promising to become a Lore Expert on 60+ years of Marvel.)

Mostly I've just been very burnt out this year after having finally finished a video game that took almost eight years to make. I haven't really had the energy for any creative projects, including TKP. But I feel a little bit of a spark here with Spider-Man, so I'm chasing that feeling to try to get back into the swing of blogging about comics - no pun intended.

So, basically, bear with me on this as I start this low-energy side project. But hopefully folks will enjoy Thanks Steve Ditko as its own thing, too.

Look forward to goofy shit like this

#tkp post

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uzurakis · 5 months ago

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wittle headcanon for my delusions 🤏🏼

girl… megumi and i like to read manga together but he’s always so far ahead and always accidentally spoils manga for me 🫣

“and can you believe they killed off the main character’s best friend?” he says, deadpan, not even looking up from his manga.

you freeze, eyes widening in shock, body comes to halt; a sight of you malfunctioning. “WHAAAAAT?!?!”

he glances at you, eyebrows slightly raised. “what? you didn’t know?”

“OF COURSE I DIDN’T KNOWW??” you exclaim, “I’M NOT EVEN THERE YET??”

megumi tilts his head slightly, a hint of confusion in his eyes. “oh. i thought you were caught up.”

you groan, tossing your manga onto the coffee table. “i need you to shaddap!”

“then i’ll keep my mouth shut about the story from now on. promise.”

“good. because if you spoil one more thing, i’m really going to break up with you over this.”

”uhmm, can’t have that, can we?”

you laugh, the tension finally breaking. “no, we can’t. so keep your damn spoilers to yourself, ‘kay?”

“got it,” he says, picking up his manga again. “but just so you know, the next few chapters are really intense. the mc finally—

“megumi…”

he chuckles softly. “no spoilers, i swear.”

#another little shit #deep down he’s a dork #AND HE WOULD STILL CONTINUE SPOILING EGYSGSGSSG #‘not to mention that another one dies—‘ ‘OH MY GOD SHUT UPPPPPP’#.mutuals

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aerithcloud · 6 months ago

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My opinion of Hachi's love struggle from personal experience.

To start with, this is my own interpretation, if anyone has other interpretations of the manga and Hachi's character that's totally fine! I've just been thinking on the manga more and more since i read it fully and i genuinely feel Hachi is a lesbian who suffers with feelings of comphet and idealisation of a 'normal romance' which she tries to pursue during the series.

To start with her relationship with Asano started from her being shown attention from someone who is much older and is clearly just grooming her for his own desires. Her first love being with Asano also screwed her idea of what a romance should be like. Getting mistreated, ignored and kept a secret like she's someone to be ashamed of which leads into how she approaches all of her romances from then on. For Hachi as long as they love her, even if it's not in the way she wants she starts to believe she loves them.

Her relationship with Shouji had her initially jumping to some feelings on her first meeting but deciding ultimately to try and just be friends with him bond with another guy 'without ulterior motives' and just become friends. However as we know Shouji liked her and everyone around her started to pressure her into getting into the romance with him. Especially around the fact Shouji started it through guilt tripping her for sex. Nana cared for Shouji, she didn't 'love him' which explains how she treats him. She likes having a boyfriend because she likes being loved. She gets really uncomfortable with the way he kinda mainly uses her for sex than actually showing romantic feelings towards her herself. Like the main thing she did to make him feel justified in cheating with her is the fact that she didn't want to just sleep with him over and over when he wanted. Shouji just wanted her to be his 'pet dog' and got upset the moment Hachi started making her own friends outside of him and Jun. Overall Hachi's 'love' for Shouji is just a dependence on the first somewhat normal guy who loved her, especially when Jun her only real friend left to Tokyo her 'love' for Shouji was the main thing keeping her going. For someone like Hachi she needs love to feel like life is worth living, she has no goals outside of marrying someone and having children, this is in part due to how society views women but also she never really had stable relationships or friendships growing up.

I find it really interesting to note that Hachi never had feelings for Nobu until Nana started bringing it up and Nobu himself starting to try and confess and show he loves her. She again falls in a cycle like she did with Shouji, the big difference being that Nobu is a genuinely nice guy as a whole and for Hachi it's hard to really justify that she doesn't have romantic feelings for him, that and she clearly is attached to Nobu as a friend, they're similar in ways. However Hachi has never had a male friend who hasn't suddenly decided they loved her and wanted to sleep with her. For Hachi she thinks the moment she turns him down he'll abandon her. We know this isn't true given Nobu and Hachi clearly made up in the timeskip and started getting along better in the last few chapters of the manga. However basically everyone in Hachi's life seems to leave her behind or infantilize her and tries to control her. Hachi's emotions are always in control of someone else, the only action she had complete control over was choosing to keep her baby regardless of what is best for anyone else. A big part of her character is the fact that she wants a normal family. Now onto her love for Takumi. A big thing a lot of lesbians tend to latch onto with guys they love, is usually they're some sort of ideal they usually can't attain. And because of this they somewhat feel fictional and out of reach and therefor someone they can focus all of their affection onto often in a way of trying to prove to themselves they like men. Hachi never really initially plans to fall for Takumi, it's just a love and affection she doesn't put much weight onto. However when she meets Takumi in person for the first time, she just found out Nana and Ren are dating. In Hachi's pov any feelings she has for Nana are an 'unrequited love' but she can't deal with Nana getting further and further away from her. Takumi being in the same circle that Nana and Blast are ending up in is a way of her forceably tying herself into the same circle. Hachi herself knows it's wrong and that it won't turn out well but can't help herself because she assume everyone is leaving her behind. She tries to leave him until the pregnancy happens but he is realistically the only one who could support her financially through the situation. She convinces herself over and over throughout the story that staying with Takumi is the only thing she can possibly do once she found herself in the situation.

I honestly believe the first person Hachi truly loved on her own terms was Nana. It's stated often throughout the text how, how she felt with Nana was 'like the bliss of a first love' and how soothing and relaxed she feels around her. Hachi has clear struggles in accepting her feelings towards Nana due to her own misconceptions that what she wants and needs to be happy is falling in love with a man, getting married and having children. In fact it's clear she recognises her feelings for Nana but in her mind Nana loves Ren and any love she feels for Nana won't be reciprocated. It's because of this that she starts sleeping with Takumi to begin with. She feels an immense sense of isolation and fear around her feelings with Nana. It's because of this that she bases her entire worth around who loves her rather than who she actually loves on her own terms. Many lesbians struggle with comphet around their feelings because society makes women feel that romance which don't revolve around a man or having children. Hachi's obsessive need for love traps her and makes her be unable to be happy and free, unlike how she initially assumes love would make her feel. I personally believe if the series continued Hachi would figure out how she feels around Takumi and Nobu and then her feelings around Nana by the end of it.

#nana osaki #nana komatsu #HachiNana #nana manga #nana x hachi #nana hachi #lesbian #wlw #sapphic #comphet #Yuri #takumi ichinose #Shouji Endo #nobuo terashima

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dancingbabya-notes · 2 years ago

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Your scars are beautiful

<-•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•->

Everyone gains scars; it's a part of life, no one is immune to that. From small ones that are barely noticeable to ones that signify or are a reminder of a very strong memory. A badge of honor, a reminder of a mistake, luck that no one else was harmed, or a bad memory. (PS the only reason I wrote this is because the most recent chapters I've read are rotting my brain and I sometimes think a little too hard about my own scars)

Characters: Todoroki, Mirio, Midoriya, Amajiki, Bakugo, Kirishima, Kaminari, Shinso, Shoji

Spoiler warning: there are spoilers for the bnha/MHA manga in Shoji’s part so if you don’t want that please don’t bother reading.

Tw: trauma, mention of falling from extreme heights, mentions of child abuse, mentions of abuse, mention of self harm,

<-•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•->

Todoroki

Sometimes you would walk into your shared room with Shoto, he looks at his face so intently in the mirror. But trying to imagine him without the burn scar on his face was difficult. That was your only image of him since school. Today he seemed to be intently picking at the skin around the old scar.

Walking up behind him you put his hands down so they sat in his lap as you hug him tightly. “Sho, Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He states, his low voice not expressing much emotion but for some reason you just knew.

“Do you wanna touch my scar?” You ask, he blinked.

You were very protective of your own scars, it wasn’t because it was an old scar. It wasn’t because of anything sad, it was because you went too far. Like Icarus you flew too close to the sun and lost your wings. When it happened you remember him reaching for you and the pain in his eyes.

“Are you sure, my love?” He looks at you in the mirror.

“Of course, you always tell me you find comfort when I touch your scar,” you smile.

“No,” he shakes his head, his hand sitting comfortably in yours. “Just sitting with me right now is fine.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“It’s an old story.”

“That doesn’t mean it can stir new feelings,” you offer, giving him a slight squeeze.

Shoto thinks for a moment, mouth opening and closing a few times as time seemed to stretch before he found the right words. “I know now…why my mother felt the way she did. But I can’t… help but feel I had been too hasty in forgiving her. Or… that I’m wrong for not forgiving… my father.”

You try to think of a good thing to say but you weren’t sure if your words would bring him solace or pester the pain more. “I think you need to talk to them again. While it may open old bleeding wounds I feel telling them how you’re feeling might help. If you want I can sit with you when you do?”

“No, I feel it will only cause me unnecessary pain,” he sighs.

“But emotional pain can come up later,” you mumble then to realize. “Sho, are you worried that we will be bad parents to our children?”

“Yes,” he pulls on your hand a bit, stretching it a bit beyond to position that was slowly making pins and needles prick at your skin.

“No one’s perfect, but all we can do is try our best and make up for the mistakes we make. If you want when we start a family we can go to counseling,” you suggest. “That way we can get a second option, you might also get some closure with the pain you feel regarding your parents.”

Shoto pulls you around to face him, kind of sitting his lap but with his arms around you instead of you’re around him. You smile as he buries his face into your hoodie.

“You always seem to know what to say my love.”

Kirishima

“Babe?”

Flinching you quickly roll your pant leg back down. It was moments like these where you wish the mirror didn’t make you feel so small.

“There you are,” Eijiro smiles as he pulls you into a hug. “I thought you were asleep or something.”

“I was just antsy,” you mumble. “Sorry I should have said I was in here.”

He looks at you and he can tell. “Your scars are making you anxious, aren’t they?”

You nod.

He starts peppering your face in kisses. “It’s not your fault, it wasn’t something we could help. Nurse didn’t know.”

Nurse. Without her you didn’t want to know what would have happened to you. Your hero career would have ended that day. Even the short month to recuperate wasn’t enough time, you still had nightmares, waking up screaming, and the phantom pains. The reminder was the scars. Why couldn’t you move past this?

“I know.”

Eijiro picks you up and sits on the bed with you in his arms. He kissed your face, but you could tell where he was kissing. He had a purpose. Your body was littered with scars, the proof of your life and the things you’ve dealt with. The thin one just above your eye was from when your brother spent a day drawing portals through the house and you had fallen through one out into the tree. The smooth one by your ear from a surgery that had been found to be unnecessary: the hospital had mixed up your chart with another child patient, your mom was not enthused.

The one under your eye from when you accidentally cut your face, having thought you put the exact blade down, you were lucky you didn’t get your eye. He brings your hands up and he kisses your fingers, the paper thin cuts you’d gotten from learning how to cook and other craft related accidents. A small giggle escapes as he looks you in the eye for a moment.

“You don’t have to do this,” you smile.

“But I want to.”

With each kiss you were reminded of the origin of the scar. Your left hand: a wet rock from the river by the summer house. Your right wrist: the bracelet you wore during a spontaneous rescue during second year. Your shoulders: the burns from an old mission. Your stomach: an inconsolable attacker. Every memory was fine until he kissed your legs. The perfect lined scars that cut straight accords your knees.

Your breath shook a bit as the tears started. You were so scared. Plenty of other times you’d been scared but when you couldn’t feel your feet or toes, or even just the pain, were the most terrifying two minutes of your life.

His hands touched the scar and you flinched. “I know that I’m lucky. So many people pity me now.”

“Who cares what they feel about your scars,” your boyfriend pulls you back into his lap, peppering the top of your head and your forehead with kisses. “What matters is you are here, you are safe, and the pain you feel will disappear. It will fade into a bad memory.”

“I know. But what if-

“Y/n, if anything had happened we would have figured it out. Okay?”

You nod. “Thank you Eiji.”

Midoriya

When you see Midoriya’s scars, the ones on his hands, his arms, anywhere you wonder, would it have been better if you realized and accepted your second quirk sooner. You had grown used to using the regenerative ability given to you by the monster that forced your creation. Body torn to shreds over and over again, everyone always talked about how lucky you were. But were you?

You could lose a finger and if you consume enough toxins you could grow it back without worry. Your body showed no signs of scarring, well not visible at first glance. You had one scar. It was small and you just knew it was a part of you now.

“Cookie? Is there something on me? Don’t tell me there’s another water-

“No, you’re fine.” You shake your head and you smile looking at your boyfriend. “Have I ever mentioned that you’re beautiful?”

Midoriya didn’t seem to know what to say, his jaw hung open as he quickly covered his mouth and turned away. You chuckle slowly breaking into a laugh as he blushes so hard you could see it on his back from his shoulders.

“Cookie,” he whines and you slowly try to catch your breath.

Standing up you smile before taking his hand and kissing the first scar you’d ever seen on him. “It’s true. I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

You weren’t sure what it was but he pulled you close to him before kissing the top of your left ear. Which made you embarrassed, the only imperfection you had. A slight notch in the top of your ear. Like someone had cut a slice of it out. At the time you must have been no older than three or four, the faint memory of pain and then it ending.

“I think you are far more beautiful than I am,” he smiles before you push him away.

“Put on a fucking shirt,” you scold.

Mirio

“Sunshine, are you okay you’re shaking?”

Putting the pot down you think. “I’m fine though. Huh?”

Turning your. Hands over and over you did notice a slight shake, but that was normal right? Frowning it was odd when old memories would be triggered.

“Ah, I know what’s wrong.” You chuckle nervously. “I remembered when my mom had a hard time moving the pot to the table because she didn’t want us to burn our hands on the plates.”

Mirio was a bit confused. “Why did you think about that?”

You flex your wings and shift the feathers to the side a bit to show the one spot where only short feathers grew, it didn’t impair your flying and you were surprised you could even fly at this age. “She dropped the pot, my dad was so angry he hit her and got me in the crossfire.”

Though you had a light hearted smile on your face Mirio frowns. “I’m sorry to hear that Sunshine.”

You wave your hand dismissively. “If I hadn’t witnessed that I’m sure you and I would have never met. Don’t apologize, it made me think that I hope my mom is in a better place, and I will be very very careful who I marry if I ever do.”

Mirio had thought much about how you’d grown up, it was partially because you never talked about it. He didn’t want to pry usually but he did want to know as much as you were comfortable sharing.

“How do you feel about scars anyway?” You ask.

“They’re proof we live,” he smiles before brushing his hand against your feathers.

You shriek, pulling away quickly and stumbling forward. Groaning you clutch your side, having effectively slammed your entire weight into the corner of the counter.

“A warning,” you gasp. “Please, my feathers are sensitive.”

“R-right.”

Shaking your head you start laughing only to be paused from the pain shooting up your body.

Amajiki

Your partner watches intently as you work. He always did this, because he said it made him feel better. Watching you work when he had nothing to do. Somewhere along the way of learning you had been given the task to create new things for uniform fabrics. He remembered how when you both met and you made him something only for him to learn how your quirk actually worked.

Your blood infused with fabrics could change them drastically. A fabric that couldn’t be cut with most known blades unless you bled on it. A super stretchy fabric that didn’t wear easily if at all, water resistant fabric, changing a fabric to be flame retardant. Your quirk was virtually limitless if you had drawn enough blood.

“Tamaki? You’re staring pretty hard right now, did I mess up the pattern somewhere?” You pause a bit confused as you look over the piece.

Chuckling a big he shakes his head. “I just thought you looked beautiful.”

Okay now you messed up, quickly switching off the machine you felt yourself gradually melt to the floor. “What did I do to deserve someone as kind as you?”

“N-no I’m the lucky one,” he argues.

“I’m not beautiful and you know that, all these scars from trying to figure out how to use my quirk.” You laugh jokingly.

But Tamaki grabs your hands tightly. “You are beautiful, scars and all.”

You couldn’t help but smile, it was a stupid smile that one only makes when they’re drunk on love. “You’re beautiful too Tamaki. As beautiful as the moon.”

His face quickly reddens, but he did have enough sense to pick you up off the floor. Your work space was a workplace hazard in more ways than one.

“Don’t ever say your scars aren’t beautiful, without your abilities some many more people would be in danger,” he huffs, his ears burning from his embarrassment from your earlier comment.

“Mm, I’ll try.”

Bakugo

Katsuki hardly cared about his scars. He took care of his body and as long as he could do his job as a hero who cared what he looked like. But usually he’d skim over his scars when getting changed and a recent exchange made him angry seeing his scars.

You were working like usual, heroes were still plentiful but the job was safe. Your hero costume featured a mask to shield your face from others. Only he and a few trusted people ever saw your face without the mask. So during the recent publicity event when someone chastised and scolded you for your scar Katsuki had to be held back.

“It’s fine, I’m used to it,” you had said, but you still cried yourself to sleep in his arms.

It was a scar that left you permanently inhibited, taking one eye with it. After all the healing you’d gone through and everything one person’s comment could still bring you down.

“Tsuki? Are you okay?” You ask, crossing your arms.

He scoffs. “I’m fine.”

“Tomorrow is the gala right?”

“Mm.”

“Would you be mad if I said I’d rather stay home?”

Why? He didn’t want to go, you didn’t, might as well.

“Then we don’t have to go.” He shakes the wrinkles out of his shirt before folding it.

You pause. “What?”

“I didn’t stutter.”

“I never said you did, are you sure we can just-

Katsuki stops folding the clothes and faces you. “I’m tired, so are you. Plus, you need a break from your mask. Whose fucking idea was it for it to be so tight to your face? Can’t even fucking breathe properly in that damn thing.”

You blink. “Wait, do you think I’m upset about what that person said?”

He narrows his eyes.

“Katsuki, seriously? I’ve had this scar since I was like five. Sure as shit ain’t pretty, but someone who doesn’t matter to me isn’t gonna make me upset.” You laugh. “If this hadn’t happened to me I would have never learned how to feel around for water and sense things with it.”

He smirks, pulling you into a hug. “Damn right. But we’re still not going to the gala.”

“Don’t wanna wear a tie?”

He didn’t answer you.

Kaminari

When you got married to Denki the first thing he did was make you cry. Because for some reason that was shut what he did. At your wedding in front of all your friends. Were you drunk? No. Had it been a long day? Yes. But somehow it was even more memorable.

Instead of a traditional or western “wedding” you both decided a small get together for family and friends would be so much better, on the condition your parents even showed up. As you looked at the scar that you both shared across your arms you couldn’t help but giggle.

“What are you looking at bumblebee?” He asked and his voice seemed to fall. “Oh.”

For Kaminari it held a different meaning. You were always so careful, it came with the territory of being a support item creator especially with a quirk like yours. Telekinesis could be powerful and used in many different ways but you used it both as a crutch and a tool to protect yourself. So when he saw that his mistake blemished your skin he thought “I just vowed to protect her and got her hurt.”

“I feel like it’s beautiful. Luckily Yoko could heal it up,” you smile brushing your fingers on your own scar.

“I’m sorry.”

You frown. “I like this scar. It’s not the first one I’ve ever gotten but it’s ours.”

“I didn’t know that knives could split like that if the wrong pressure is placed on it.” He mumbles.

“It’ll be a good teaching moment for when this one gets older.” You coo brushing the hair from the child’s eye. “I’m sure Teru will think it’s funny how his parents share a scar. Though I think the story of how we met will top that.”

“I guess you’re right. But I’m still sorry,” Kaminari pouts.

“You have more than made up for it, my overpowered pikachu.” You grab him by the face and squeeze it a bit before kissing him.

“Do you think Teru will get scars?”

“As he gets older yeah,” you nod, looking at the baby again.

“You’re happy with me right y/n?” Denki squeezes your scarred hand with his own.

“Of course I am. Accidental exploding knife and all. I think that made our wedding more memorable for me,” you chuckle. “I feel like it was my fault.”

“No, you can’t do anything wrong.”

Shinso

You smile as you finish giving the kitten a bath. Fostering the stray cats so they could be taken care of or at least fixed was probably one of the few things you were glad your house could accommodate. Which made you think about the first time things like this happened. Trying to help a stray dog which resulted in a nasty bite as a child. But regardless you got the dog to safety. Your mom wasn’t all that happy about the bite.

“Hey puddin,” you smile as the older cat rubs against your face. “You know where to leave your gifts. Hitoshi will be coming over tonight.”

You giggle thinking about the first time you met him. Helping out at your parents' rescue center Shinso Hitoshi came in with his arms and face bleeding as the cat tried to free itself of his hold. You damn near panicked because of it. Even laughing with him as you patched him up.

“Look we match.” He joked showing his own bite mark wound.

As he walked in you held the now dry kitten, purring snatched the kitten from you and started taking care of it herself.

“Okay mama, looks like my job is done.” You roll your eyes about to wash your hands.

“Was there any trouble?” Hitoshi asks puttting the groceries down.

“No, I just thought about how I met you.” You hum.

Hitoshi thinks for a moment and nods. “Oh, well I’m glad we match. Doing stuff like this would be hard otherwise.”

You look at the scars you both bear, if not for these you might never have met your best friend.

Shoji

When you met Shoji you had never expected it to be through your quirk. The ability to walk through people’s dreams and exist in that separate space. He’s much taller than you so even if your eyes weren’t glued to the floor you wouldn’t have usually made eye contact with him. Once you spent more time with him you had wondered about the mask why he wore it, but in fear of prying you kept your questions to yourself.

You’d always lived in the city you read about the way heteromorphs were treated in rural areas so seeing it first hand through a nightmare of his. Made you hurt. People who thought they were better than others hurt innocent people, it made you angry. But as he lays in your lap sleeping after a long day of hero work you keep your tears at bay.

“Why is this coming to mind now?” You mumble.

Shoji stirs in his sleep, and you bring your hand to his hair, rubbing his head much like how he did for you when you apologized for your inability to control your own quirk. His scars weren’t what made him, and you were glad at least he could come to terms with it. But the people who cared for him— like you. Will probably always feel pain. Leaning down, you kiss him and he chuckles.

“Are you crying again?”

You sniffle trying to make your voice normal. “No.”

“It’s in the past, things are slow to go but there’s been change since we were in school.” Shoji yawns a bit before sitting up. “Aside from thinking about the past, what are you thinking?”

“How beautiful you are,” you hum, stretching up a bit you cradle his face in your free hand. “Because it takes a lot to be this beautiful.”

He kisses the inside of your hand. “Only you say things like this.”

“And you know that I mean them. Just hold me back after counting to three if anyone dares say anything.” You clock your tongue.

“Hmm, I’ll give you five seconds.”

“Truly kind indeed to couple with your beauty,” you giggle, bowing your head a bit. “I am not worthy.”

But he didn’t laugh this time, instead he pulled you into his lap and just held you there. He does take your cup away from you.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to be drinking coffee after five, stardust?” He frowns at the liquid and you avert your gaze.

“It’s decaf.” You lie.

He smells the cup and puts it on the coffee table before locking you in his hold. “I believe that’s enough ‘not coffee’ for one evening.”

Leaning back on his chest and looking up at him you still smile. “While your scars come from a bad memory I hope since they’ve healed you have a million more to make the bad seem insignificant. Plus I meant it when I said you’re beautiful.”

It was his turn to hold your face in one of his hands. “I know stardust. I know.”

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louwhose · 6 months ago

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I love Frieren and Himmel's relationship so much and I mean of course I do there's so much to love. An elf that thinks a human's life passes away in the blink of an eye and human that loves her? I'm already hooked. But add into that he doesn't say anything because he knows nothing will come of it with how she views things when he knows her and is content to just admire her for all she is as she is? The fact that she cares for him in spite of thinking his life is so short and getting to know him in the time they were together but regretting not coming to know him better after he died? I mean she's literally following their journey and remembering him along the way and the end destination is the chance to see him again, but I feel like she'll realize she truly know and loved him even if they never reach heaven.

And there's just. So many tiny details. I will try to recount a lot, but I'm sure I won't get all of them.

Frieren remembers so much about him. Regardless of where they go, it's usually a memory about him more than anyone else. She remembers his favorite flower, and takes the time to find it (though she doesn't consider time a least bit rare commodity). And she remembers it, which means that even though at one point she didn't try to learn about her companions, she afterwards made the point to remember their favorite things. And when she talked with Old Man Voll, who was regretting losing his memories of his late wife and asked if she could still remember her companions clearly, she refused to consider that she ever won't. She considers their memories that precious.

And then there's Himmel. Oh my goodness. Beyond just his initial attraction, the way he's always fascinated by her magic and her making enough of an impression on him at a young age that he sought her out years later for such an important quest is delightful. And did I mention that he just loves her magic? BECAUSE HE DOES!! And it helps her to love collecting her weird spells that much more, so good and supportive, Himmel.

And fear not I shan't neglect to mention the mirrored lotus ring because I am incapable of being normal about that scene. He had Frieren choose a ring (my respectful man there where can I get me a Himmel) and when he saw which one she chose he knew what it meant and chose to present it to her in a way that was sure to be memorable to her. Even though she didn't yet know the meaning of it, once she does, she can look back on the memory of him pledging his love eternally to her, an immortal, in spite of his mortality. He may be content to never say it, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't like her to know.

And now I am going to talk about a manga arc that ends on like. Chapter 118/119? So spoilers if you choose to proceed any further.

Frieren has spent so long now working towards seeing Himmel again and then she. GETS TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!! I am certain that if I scoured this arc I could find soooo many details for them (and I am tempted but instead I will focus on a few details that come to mind and analyzing one very specific thing about it.

Just. Himmel saying he likes who she's become, not having any clue that he was a major influence for her becoming that way. I just love that he appreciates her at every stage she's at it's just so uwu. and then when FRIEREN said he's a ray of light??? omg omg omg omg oomg I die they both just see the best in each other and I live for it.

And Then There's The Wedding. If you read this far on this and didn't expect me to gush over this part here is where I disillusion you. Himmel's feelings for Frieren have been pretty obvious up to this point, but seeing that he would in his ideal world want to marry her and spend his life with her is GRAHHHHHHHHHH there's no words to describe it. and like. Frieren is there too? how am I supposed to interpret that but as her own paradise? even if it's as a looser interpretation of she wanted to spend all of Himmel's life with him??? INSANEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee

and then the fact that Himmel had his dreams presented before him, but he felt something was off, and didn't take advantage of it. Not even for a kiss. THIS RESPECTFUL MAN what is there not to like if anyone is good enough for Frieren it is without a doubt him. and the way they work together to get out of it???? oh man I love it

idk I just love their dynamic I think it's great and full of unfulfilled potential and I hope they get something some kind of closure if Frieren really does make it to see him again I just really love thinking about them thank you for coming to my presentation

#葬送のフリーレン #フリーレン #sousou no frieren #frieren #himmel #frimmel #ughhhh where do I even start because I love these two SO MUCH #and this is just going off of what we see in canon. if we go with the delusions that live in my mind there's even more #sidenote did any of you realize that himmel was 16 when they left on their quest? because. he was #I was mindblown over that revelation in the arc I talked about above other than the. obvious things I was mind blown about #frieren having two e's not being spelt friren is gonna be the death of me but I'm trying #I will master writing it properly eventually. even if it bizarrely feels easier to write フリーレン #also if anyone is willing to talk with me and become friends over this PLEASE DO I WANNA BE IN THIS FANDOM #and would especially love like. a discord server. that is not the giant one I was able to find I want one that's like. a hundred people #one where I can really make friends

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beanghostprincess · 4 months ago

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not anything specific!! you might just start with the few ideas you have i would read it all!!

Sorry for replying so late!! I've been busy 🙏🏻💖

!!!!!! I adore Nirei's character as a whole. Like, I could talk for hours about him. The second he appeared he became my favorite character and I believe it is criminal that we do not get to appreciate this outfit again (not the shirt because apparently he doesn't like it much but the rest of it!!). Please. Please. Please, we need more of his fashion. Just look at him. I think he should take Sakura shopping and torment him as he makes him try different outfits. I think I just miss his silly little glasses and his hair.

This has absolutely nothing to do about analysis btw I just love him too much not to mention every little thing about him.

So uhhhmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmm I do not know where to start. As I've been saying... Quite a lot lately... I adore where his character is going. He has gone from being scared and having to be protected to be the one insisting on protecting Sakura instead. And I believe one of my favorite things about this is that his fighting spirit is not something that suddenly appeared with the realization of being weak. He has always wanted to become stronger. He was well aware from the start of his limitations and still fought against those guys in the second chapter (you know. Basically his first appearance). And I think it's very refreshing (I keep saying all Wind Breaker characters are like this, but they are) to see the sidekick of the MC having that motivation before meeting him. What I mean by this is-- Yes, Nirei's motivation now mainly focuses on helping Sakura get to the top and being worthy of being with the rest of them and not be a burden etc etc etc. But that motivation eixsted beforehand and Sakura is just the embodiment of that dream of protecting the town Nirei has. You know where I'm coming from? I don't think a lot of sidekicks who consider the MC to be the best and the chosen one have realistic expectations of them sometimes. But Nirei's perception of him is very ground to earth and I love that. I should stop mentioning Sakura in these things, I swear this ship is not consuming my mind completely and I can see them as separate beings-

Also, something I love about Nirei is how his character has this ability to be able to remember everybody's skills and names because he is pretty observant and analytical. But despite that strength the manga doesn't give us the typical "oh well then he doesn't need to fight anymore because he already helps with this" or the "he actually doesn't feel completely satisfied with that skill so he has to fight whether he wants it or not". It's a mix of both. He keeps that skill and still fights anyway because that's what he has wanted from the start. We love an intelligent fighter (intelligence that, btw, comes from an empathetic side and I love how it's valued in the same way as logical intelligence).

I don't believe I talk much about his sense of justice btw. The way his first fight is literally him going against guys he knows he can't win to protect a girl... The fact that he's constantly doing this over and over again despite being aware that he's clearly not as strong as his opponents. I think Sakura (and the rest too but mostly, you know, Sakura) see this and think of it as the one thing they need to be a part of Bofurin.

His whole character is basically about protecting the weak, following his moral compass and fighting to become stronger and to help Sakura get to the top because he is the embodiment of what Nirei considers the peak of justice and what the town needs. But his ambitions are now more tied to the fact that he also loves and cares for the team (almost right away tbh) and mostly Sakura. He has such a caretaker personality and I adore how they always show that as a strength rather than a weakness.

I don't know what else I could talk about besides his whole character arc being his will of protectiveness being stronger than his fear of getting hurt. And also the trust he places in all of his friends because he is observant, after all, so he reads people well. And I keep saying his character wouldn't exist well without Sakura's but Sakura's wouldn't exist without his either, but you know who wouldn't shine as much either without Nirei's presence?? Suo. We talk a lot about him protecting Nirei and teaching him how to fight, but the protectiveness and undeniable care Suo shows would never be there if it wasn't for Nirei's character! I just love how these three are always so... Intertwined.

If you have more questions or suggestions about Nirei's character please tell me because I would love to talk more about him but idk how to ramble about him without it making 0 sense <333

#he means the world to me in case you didn't notice #i love him so much my cutie pie #he deserves everything #wind breaker #wind breaker (satoru nii)#nirei akihiko #ask-bean!

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analogwriting · 9 months ago

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Star-Crossed

Chapter 12: Sartse

Donquixote Rosinante x gn!reader word count: 3.6k a/n: i want y'all to know that for a couple of doffy's lines, i pulled it straight from the manga so i had to read THAT scene again and i ugly cried once more. had to step away from the computer and everything lmfao next

The speed in which you were flying into town could’ve instantly killed anyone who stepped into your path; hell you probably could’ve killed someone if they pulled out in front of you in a wholeass car. You made it into town in record time, a time that shouldn’t even be possible for the distance you had traversed. No cops seemed to be out and about to stop you either, which honestly checked out. They were worthless.

Whatever, it came in handy for you at this moment.

Something that no one except Marco knew, was that you had a secret entrance to the hospital that led right into your office - actually, it led to several different places. As someone of your social standing, you had to have a secret entrance/exit. It was important to be able to have a way out and a way in - specifically for situations like this. You had just hoped that you’d never have to use it.

As you were flying down the road, you looked at the security footage through your phone. Again, no one had this access except you and Marco. Sure, you had a security room with someone always monitoring things, but no one had remote access besides the two of you.

You pulled up the footage, trying to see exactly how much damage was being done. It seemed that the front of the hospital was fine; business as usual. It was the secret wing that was mostly taken over aside from a few of their men being posted in scrubs everywhere else. You knew all your employees by name and face, so of course you’d be able to tell who did and who didn’t belong. It looked like they had already let go of all of your underground staff. At least you didn’t have to worry about them.

You looked through the footage as you also kept an eye on the road, trying to find where everyone was being held. There wasn’t really anywhere in the hospital that you couldn’t see, so you knew you’d find them eventually.

And you did.

They were currently being held in a conference room in the secret wing; everyone being Corazon, Law, Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi. You nearly crashed as you saw Corazon laying there in his blood soaked shirt, not moving. Were you too late? You felt that creeping numbness starting to crawl into your very being. You set your phone down, leaving it open.

“How long do you think it’s going to take for them to get here? I’m tired of waiting,” Doflamingo complained, folding his arms and sulking as he perched on the table. Oh, you were glad you had cameras with sound - the extra money was worth it.

“Please, let me tend to Corazon’s wounds,” you heard Law plead. The sheer emotion in his voice made you press on the gas pedal even harder, sending you faster.

“Absolutely not. This is what he gets for betraying me. His life is in y/n’s hands now since he wanted to be with them so bad.” He huffed, shaking his head. “How can someone of your stature fall for someone so weak.” He scoffed.

You clenched your jaw, pressing a button on the visor of your car as you entered an alleyway. A garage opened up and you flew inside.

“He’ll die at this rate!”

“Let him then! It’s the consequences of his own actions.”

Your head was spinning. How could someone be so cold to the very people they were supposed to love and protect? You would’ve never guessed that…Anthony was just like him. That they ended up being cut from the same cloth.

“How could you do that to your own family?”

“If you keep talking, kid, you’ll end up with a bullet wound next.”

You slammed on your brakes next to a door, throwing your car in park and running up the stairs. You had an elevator, but it was going to take too long for you to use it. The staircase grew more and more narrow as you reached the top, ending in a small hallway that broke off into different parts of the hospital.

You navigated the small tunnel before slowly opening a door. It opened silently, the bookcase in your office in the secret wing opening. You snuck through, sticking low to the ground with a gun in hand. You were silent, listening.

You could hear Crocodile somewhere near the entrance to the secret wing talking with whatever cronies he had with him. He was in the opposite direction as Doflamingo, so you should be just fine. You’d have plenty of time before he’d get to the conference room should any problems arise. You took off down the hallway, your footsteps silent - just as you were trained.

When you reached the conference room, you dropped down again, below the window. You glanced inside, seeing that things have escalated. Doflamingo was pointing his gun at Corazon once more, the man now sat up. Instant relief washed over you as you saw him sitting there - alive. You had been so scared that you were too late.

Though, if you didn’t act fast - he wouldn’t be much longer.

“Why did you come back just to mess with me, Corazon?” Doflamingo demanded. “Why must I be forced to kill my family not once, but twice?” Forced? What the hell did he mean by that? He absolutely isn’t being forced to do anything. Is that what your father also thought? That he was being forced to do the things he did? A stupid lie to tell yourself to justify such terrible actions.

You heard him cock his gun, standing up immediately and taking aim. You shot through the window, shattering the glass. The bullet hit Doflamingo in the hand, making him curse and drop his gun as he cradled his hand. You kept your gun trained on him. “Don’t even think about moving,” you said as he started for his own gun. He stopped, glaring at you through his sunglasses.

The others looked at you with surprise, staring at you with wide eyes. You heard a chorus of voices cheer for your name, but you were focused on Doflamingo. “Step away from them.” He scowled at you, but stepped away. A grin spread across his face and you opened your mouth to say something when you heard a click of someone loading their gun behind you. You felt the barrel press against your skull.

“Drop it.” This time it was you that scowled, letting your gun clatter to the ground. Dammit, you didn’t think he’d get here so quickly. Or so quietly.

“Let me dress Corazon’s wounds,” you ground out. “Then I’ll sign your stupid papers.”

“Y/n, don’t worry abou-”

“I appreciate your concern, but I have this under control, okay?” You looked at him through the shattered window, smiling warmly at him. He just stared at you with an expression you couldn’t quite discern but you could also tell he was struggling to stay conscious.

“Sign the papers first.”

“Absolutely not.” You felt him press the gun harder against you and you cursed at him. “Fucking-”

You whipped around so fast that he didn’t have time to react, hitting his elbow from the outside and pushing his hand up. Not enough to break it, but just enough to make him let go. You disassembled his gun and threw it to the ground. The same thing you did to Corazon a little over a month ago. “I’m not asking.”

You weren’t stupid. You knew you were outnumbered, so you weren’t going to try and take the both of them out now. You weren’t going to start a fight - that’s not what you came here for. Saving the hostages, that’s what you were here for. You looked back, seeing Doflamingo pointing his gun at you, only it wasn’t with his dominant hand, so you knew he wouldn’t be able to hit you correctly. You could just tell with the way it sat uncomfortably in his hand.

“That’s why you should train shooting with both hands. Cause as soon as you fire that gun in your hand, the kickback is going to be too much and you’re not going to hit me.” The pure rage in Doflamingo’s face was honestly comical.

You walked through the door, heading over to the blond man that was currently bleeding out on the ground. He wasn’t sitting up anymore and he looked like he was barely awake. “Just hang in there,” you said softly, pulling out a first aid kit from under the conference table. You had one in every room.

You felt the gun still being trained on you, hearing Crocodile putting the other one back together and picking yours off the ground before pointing it at you. “I’m not going to try anything stupid, you two. So you can get your panties out of a bunch,” you said.

You fumbled around in your fanny pack, grabbing out your small suture kit. You opened up Corazon’s shirt, assessing the damage. You hissed softly through your teeth. He’d been shot in the abdomen, losing a good amount of blood, but you were sure he’d end up being just fine- you could do this.

He spoke as you started applying disinfectant to a rag. “Do you just…carry this stuff-” He was cut off as you began to sanitize his wounds but you paused for a moment. That’s exactly what he had said the second time you had caught him from falling. He let out a weak laugh and it took everything in you not to start crying. Damn it all.

“Don’t talk, Ros. You need your strength.”

“I think I’ll be just fine with you here now, doc,” he mused softly. You felt heat creeping up your neck. Really? At a time like this? You finished cleaning his wound, clenching your jaw as you were able to really see the damage. It seemed that Doflamingo was close enough when he shot him that it went through him cleanly, so you didn’t need to try and dig the bullet out of him - you were able to immediately start stitching him up.

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to keep it together. “How is everyone else?” You looked to the boys, who seemed fine aside from looking absolutely scared out of their wits. Marco wasn’t here, so you imagined that they were watching him while he kept an eye on the front side. You didn’t know why they had to bring the boys into this at all. They absolutely had no ties to any of this. They were just adding to their ‘leverage’ at this point. Not only would they be able to control you, but also Corazon. He did use to be in the business, after all. So, he’d be able to fight his way out of this, throw the boys in and he was just like you - compliant.

“We’re fine,” Law said with a nod. “The only one who was hurt was Corazon.” You could see the genuine concern in his eyes, hear the pain in his voice. This was the man’s father essentially, of course he was worried.

“He’s going to be just fine, Law, I promise.” As you were speaking to him, you were still working.

“Where’s the paperwork?” you asked, looking at the two men who were currently pointing guns at you. They just looked at each other and you sighed. “You wanted me here to sign paperwork so one of you go fucking get it.” You sighed harshly.

“You shouldn’t sign it, y/n.” You looked at Corazon, finishing up his front stitches.

“Turn around,” you said and he obeyed, slowly turning for you as you started to work on his exit wound. “I know what I’m doing,” your voice was low. “I’m going to get the lot of you out of here safely. I promise.”

“But you worked so hard-”

“Rosinante, please,” you said softly, feeling your own voice crack. You paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing your work. You already made the decision and came to terms with the fact that you were going to lose your hospital. You could go somewhere else and work. Though, none of the hospitals around here would probably take you. You had snapped at them at that meeting and now none of them want anything to do with you.

Not that you really blamed them, but dammit, now you were going to have to move. It was also the best option. With you out of the picture, everyone would be able to resume their lives as normal. Your last actions with this will be making sure that Corazon and everyone out are able to get out of here safely. You were going to make sure that they’re able to escape the eyes of the families. Just as you did with everyone else. They will be the last ones you are going to be able to help, but at least they’ll be able to get out of here.

You finished patching up the man before you, sighing. “Finished.” Corazon turned to look at you, but you were already standing. You just…couldn’t stand it - all of this was your fault.

You looked at Doflamingo, who still had a gun trained on you. “One more thing. They all get out of here safely. Away from you. They are not to be followed or tailed. If I find out that they are, the deal is off. Once they’re safe then-”

“Y/n! You can’t-” You ignored Corazon’s pleas, looking at the man before you. “Once they’re safe, then I will sign over the hospital.”

“That’s a large ask,” the man before you said, a shit eating grin spreading across his face. “You already were able to patch up Corazon here before, now you want their safe passage?”

“I think you forget that this hospital is my life’s work. I think that I’m not asking for much, all things considered. This place is a place that even cops won’t look, I think a handful of people who aren’t even involved in things like this to be let go isn’t asking much, right?”

He opened his mouth to retort when you heard Crocodile’s voice. “Deal. But you will sit here while they leave, got it?” You nodded. “Deal. Also, make sure Marco is provided safe passage as well.” Crocodile nodded. At least he seemed to be willing to work with you.

“Don’t you think you’re giving them too much, Croc?” Doflamingo grimaced and the other shook his head.

“We’re going to get their entire hospital. It’s like they said, a few people who aren’t even involved in things like this is just fine. I know he’s your brother, Doflamingo, but you did just shoot him.”

“Let’s go then,” Crocodile said, looking at Corazon and co. “We don’t have all day. We’ll untie you when we get to the exit.” Everyone slowly stood up. You crouched in front of Corazon, taking his face in your hands. “Please take care of yourself, okay?”

He sputtered for a moment, his face turning red as you held his face. “Are you sure about all of this? We’ll be-”

“Trust me, okay? You guys will be able to get out of here. You’ll be free.”

“Well, what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me - I’ll be fine.” You pressed a kiss to his forehead, resting your forehead on his. "Please don't do this," he whispered, but you ignored his words as much as they stung your heart. “Take it easy and heal up, okay? Then make sure you take good care of the boys.” You pulled away from him, looking over at Bepo. “Bepo, since you’re the tallest behind Corazon, will you help him?”

“Yes, doctor!” Bepo nodded, heading over as you helped Corazon stand. You glanced at Crocodile, gesturing at the man’s restraints and he sighed before nodding. You untied Bepo’s hands and he wrapped an arm around the injured man’s waist.

You looked at Law. “Make sure he takes it easy, okay? I expect you to take care of him while he heals.” The doctor in training nodded, looking like he wanted to say something. It took him a moment, but he found his words. “Please be careful, doctor. Make sure you look after yourself too.” He paused, realizing what he said.

“I don’t want to deal with a moping Cora if anything happens to you.” He was trying to cover his sentiment, but it was clear. You stood there, stunned for a moment. That was probably the nicest thing you’ve heard him say to anyone ever. Sure, it was covered with a joke, but the sentiment was there. Your face softened and you ruffled his hair. “Don’t worry about me, just take care of your dad for me, yeah?”

“You talk like we’re never gonna see you again.” He grumbled and you tensed for a moment. They just stared at you. “Y/n, what are you-”

“Let’s get going, I don’t have all day!” Crocodile’s voice interrupted.

You stepped away from them, smiling. “Take care of each other and be careful.” Shachi and Penguin looked at you with teary eyes. “We’re gonna miss you, doc,” one said. “Make sure you be careful,” the other chimed. You nodded, shuffling them all towards the door.

“Now, move along before they change their minds.” You were able to finally get them out of the conference room, heading out. You watched as they left with Crocodile, other cronies showing up to assist in the transfer.

You saw Corazon look back at you one more time before they turned the corner out of your sight. Your heart lurched as you saw the concern and yearning in his face. You just hoped that they’d take the opportunity to get out of here. You’d be just fine. Destroyed, but fine.

“Alright, now sign the papers.” You glared over at Doflamingo. “Not yet. They’re not out of here just yet.”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know what you see in him anyway. He’s weak. Though, I suppose it matches with you. I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to inherit the power your father possesses. He might be my rival, but I know a man with power when I see it.”

“Not everything is about power and the sooner you realize that - the better.”

Doflamingo laughed and you flinched as it bounced off the walls. He was so loud - and for what? “Power is what took over your hospital, doctor. Power gets you whatever you want. Money, fame, you name it.”

You shook your head. “I don’t expect a shallow man like you to understand,” you said with a small sigh. He was too drunk with power, money hungry, and dense.

He grimaced, shaking his head. “Well, I’m not the one losing everything I’ve worked so hard for, now am I?” he mused, grinning. You felt your eye twitch, but you weren’t about to let him see that he was getting to you.

You just ignored him, folding your arms as you waited with a gun pointed to your head.

Crocodile eventually returned, looking at you. “They’re out. They’re safe. No one is tailing them.”

“You better be telling the fucking truth. So help me if I find out you’re lying-”

“Cool your jets. I never fuck with a deal.”

You just narrowed your eyes at him before pulling a pen out of your pocket, signing the papers. You slid them towards the man, glaring at the two of them. Doflamingo uncocked his gun, tucking it away. He grinned. “Fucking finally.”

“Can I go now? I have shit I need to do.” You folded your hands across your chest.

“You’re not staying?”

“This is no longer my hospital, why would I?”

“Suit yourself.”

Crocodile looked over the paper in his hands and nodded. “It all checks out. I guess, yeah. You can skedaddle.” You made a face at his word choice, but didn’t do much else except leave the room. They had the hospital, everyone was safe. You didn’t have to worry anymore.

Honestly, none of this felt real. You headed out the way you came, careful that no one saw you. Just because you signed over your hospital, doesn’t mean they got to know everything about it. If they found it out on their own, good for them. Maybe one day you’d figure out a way to get everything back.

You headed down the stairs, feeling like you were floating. You weren’t in your body. Everything felt fake - like a bad dream. Only, you wished you would wake up from this nightmare. You just lost everything. Your family, your livelihood, all of it. Everything was gone.

You stopped as you reached your car, seeing Marco perched on the hood. He looked over at you, standing up. The expression on his face was that of sympathy and worry. Everything hit you all at once and tears started to free fall down your face. The stress finally hit you at the same time that your body finally gave out as adrenaline left. Your knees gave out and Marco caught you in the process, holding you as you ugly cried into him. Your body shook as you sobbed, clutching onto Marco as if he would disappear at any moment as well.

#alright now to die for work for the next three to four days lmfao #finna work 50 hours in three days #anyway yeah i ugly cried - got a headache and everything from it #one piece #one piece x reader #one piece x you #donquixote rosinante x reader #donquixote rosinante #donquixote corazon #corazon x you #rosinante corazon #corazon x reader #corazon #rosinante x reader #rosinante #am fics #sc

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neonscandal · 7 months ago

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Manga With Me: CSM and the Concept of "Want" and "Home"

Completely blocking out the events of the first Chainsaw Man segment after reading it is not a unique experience. I am not alone in this phenomenon but one thing I always think about is the idea of "want" or "desire" and how it's this really messed up impetus for Denji to go on living, at least in the hands of Tatsuki Fujimoto, and the concept of "home". I feel like not enough people are ruminating on this so now I have to.

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: through CSM chapter 97.

First things first, in no way am I insinuating that Denji's reasons to live are not valid nor am I implying that a character with his background is better off dead. I think it's important to mention because we've seen that play out with the likes of Ash Lynx as an example and I hated that.

Tatsuki Fujimoto, the Jackass Genie

When we're introduced to Denji, he's not exactly living the life. Trying to offset the massive debt of his father, he'd sold off several organs including an eye and a testicle and was forced to work off as much as he could by handling the dirty work of the yakuza debt owner. Treated inhumanely and frequently left with barely enough money to feed himself, Denji appears to remain relatively upbeat with his only friend Pochita at his side.

Solely motivated to simply survive the day, hopes beyond that are seemingly out of the realm of possibility for him beneath all of his inherited burdensome debt. It isn't until he gets a seemingly second shot at life that Denji can dare to dream. Mind you, this is after he's discarded like garbage but it just furthers how alone and pitiable he is to be treated in such a way.

Even with this newfound life, his hopes are comparatively low hanging fruit to the average reader and yet, at every turn, Fujimoto takes these innocent asks and twists them into such unpalatable experiences. Most notably being his first kiss.

What's particularly interesting is the space between Denji's idealization and, of course, the subsequent reality of his wishes. For instance, have you ever wanted something so bad for so long that when you finally got it, it could never measure up to what you'd dreamt in your head? Because you'd sunk so many hours into thinking about it and putting it on a pedestal but... as we saw above, Denji really only had time to think about survival for the better part of his life. So the drastic difference between wanting a solid meal, wanting his first kiss, wanting to touch boobs, wanting a girlfriend, etc. They were so relatively short lived before being obtained, and yet, so catastrophically unsatisfying each and every time. It seems like everything Denji gravitates toward is inevitably something that will cause him great displeasure which we see most readily apparent in his attraction to Makima.

For all this suffering, you'd assume Denji would have had to have done something to have earned such karmic punishment but, to the reader, his only sin seemed to be being born to a recklessly selfish father. Especially when a great deal of his origin seems to be kept hidden behind a figurative locked door which is constantly teased and shown to be something Pochita urges him never to open.

You Can't Go Home Again

This, of course, brings us to the crux of why I wanted to talk about this in the first place. We see Denji's door, something he regards with unfamiliarity and trepidation, a few times throughout the story. Not knowing its significance until the very end of the arc but, for the sake of this discussion, we will consider this and his life with Pochita Denji's "home". Denji's wariness, his avoidance, it's not unique to him.

POWER

Now we know Pochita can seemingly read the heart of Denji (being that he is the heart of Denji) but I wonder how much Power the fiend knows of her former human life. From her introduction, she was likely murdered and left naked in the very woods that Power found the body in. Power is shown to be boisterous and very self-serving, her affection for Meowy being a severe aberration, at least at the beginning of her character arc. Again, not exactly living the life, enthralled only by the taste of blood and the act of killing until she finds herself somewhat domesticated through her employment with Public Safety.

What we know of Hell, Devils that die on Earth go to Hell. Devils that die in Hell go to Earth. Power wasn't exactly avoiding "going home" but her return to Hell destabilized her semblance of safety and comfort by way of facing the Darkness Devil. Even of the devils faced on Earth, Power always faced them with the same bravado that she demanded humans to kneel before her with. Either to generally disguise her relative strength or lack thereof (being that she was fighting in a group) or, in retrospect, perhaps her fear, too. With all the confidence, we don't consider what the Blood fiend's experience may have been down in Hell, whether she was top of the food chain or not. Topside, her experience may have been a little different when you have humans and lesser devils in the mix. But the fear she experienced upon her return to Hell caused debilitating PTSD where she had to lean on Denji and Aki a lot more as she was unable to care for herself or be left alone. In this sense, it tempered her connection to Denji, especially. Almost as if the progression from a life of survival to a life of relative comfort is toppled by the harrowing reminder of one's origins.

AKI

Aki is the best literal example of the negative ramifications of "going home". As he packs the kids up for a reluctant trip to Hokkaido to visit his family's graves, Power and Denji remain immature handfuls even on the tail end of the Darkness Devil drama. But as the snow falls and Power sleeps, Aki confesses to Denji:

Every year, when I went to visit their grave, I'd remember nothing but bad things. It was depressing. But this time, you guys were such pests that I didn't have the time to get lost in that.

It's bittersweet, this acknowledgement. Seeing their behavior somewhat changed, his own resolve toward them softening, he questions whether his pursuit of the Gun Devil justifies the possibility of jeopardizing the peace he's cultivated with his found family. A distinct change of heart in light of his previous attitude toward devils and fiends, not just Power and Denji. But moreso an outright defiance of the very thing that has driven his survival thus far. That, of course, being to avenge his family's death by killing the Gun Devil. His decision to pull from the expedition is, of course, manipulated by Makima by using her purview over Power and Denji to solidify his participation. The irony of his found family enabling him to resolve his need for revenge being the bargaining chip to keep him on the hook is dastardly. Moreover, the knowledge that vengeance was never even on the table for him.

The linchpin in this is, of course, the fact that, what precedes Aki's end is not his return to home but the Angel Devil's who he inadvertently and without knowing accompanies. A past Angel Devil had forgotten, courtesy of Makima, precipitates Aki's death and evolution into the Gun Fiend. As the battle wages, the fact that it plays out as the snowball fight with Denji was devastating in light of his previous losses.

DENJI

With Denji's integration into society, his many goals thwarted by the unsatisfying reality of them, and the comfort he establishes with Power and Aki, we see him grow to understand the world a little better. He's still a neglected and immature kid but his emotional intelligence sharpens with his aspirations even if they only go so far as to wish to impress Makima. With all the trauma he'd suffered prior to joining Public Safety and even the trouble he experienced with them, fighting and killing Aki the Gun Fiend proves to be too big of a breaking point for him. It doesn't hit him immediately. But he finds himself unable to enjoy such simple pleasures with the guilt and turmoil of killing someone he hadn't realized meant so much to him and comes to understand the loss and pain so latently. The end of Aki's character arc as punctuated by Denji, even as prophesied, was shattering to watch unfold. Especially juxtaposed with the innocence of the snowball fight in his consciousness.

This altercation, too, was preceded by a door Denji didn't want to open. A door we'd seen many times over. A door that he'd decided was best left closed wayyy back in Hokkaido. 👇🏾

Aki's death yields a significant windfall of money willed to Denji to take care of he and Power. Money, the driving factor in his previous suffering, is no longer a problem for him and he uses it to taste and experience more but they do not quell the unrest within him.

Even though Denji grown to adjust to the world he finds himself in with his rebirth as Chainsaw Man, this loss, in particular, forces a deeper reflection beyond the frivolity of why touching his first boob is unsatisfying. He laments the fact that every choice, every want inevitably goes to crap just as Makima finds him. Ultimately, this extremely low point (not unlike the misery she'd initially found him in), is exactly where we see their relation to one another come full circle: Denji, a dog to Makima's whims.

As Denji submits to Makima, we immediately see the cost of his allegiance. Not only by means of Power's death but the fact that her orders completely conflict with what Pochita has been urging him against this whole time. Never mind the fact that this is the second time where he knew precisely to what end the door he was opening would reveal. Aki. Power. But, even though his expectations have been met at the other side of that door, whether it be Aki's or Makima's, it never prepares him for the big reveal. The worse turning worst case scenario. Denji's shock at Makima making good on her word allows for her full plan to come into focus.

The door opens, the true depth of Denji's backstory is revealed. The irony of Makima, the Control Devil, condemning the actions of a child trying to survive the abuse of his father is something the reader doesn't have time to reconcile it before the next big twist to the story is revealed, the next big fight.

This cycle of violence and revelation without reflection breeds an odd disconnect from the events, probably not unlike Denji's own perceived experience. Perhaps it informs our collective amnesia when it comes to the story, again, not unlike Denji's as he's forced to play the part of Chainsaw Man. A blessing and a curse, born of affection and the belief that Denji should get to lead a normal, fulfilling life. But Pochita's kindness is unexpectedly barbed despite his innocent and unassuming appearance because the Chainsaw Devil is one so feared, one so renowned, it is marked and killed by many devils but he arises again and again.

Almost as if Pochita was avoiding the burden of his own nature like Denji avoided the truth of his past... I don't know, perhaps this rant was a bit self-indulgent but whenever I think about these 3 (to 5 if we count Angel and Pochita) characters floating through the ether of life only to be connected and summarily destroyed by the fact that they finally found something worth living for really just spoils my thoughts for where this story is going, what the grand message is. If there's even a grand message at all.

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bsydelver · 3 months ago

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My hero academia.

I still remember the first time I watched the show back then when the illegal streaming sites weren’t that popular or barely existed and I couldn’t bring myself to buying an actual subscription because I was in denial when it came to my interest in Anime; in-fact: Mha was one of my firsts. I remember the episodes being in a small box with the person of uploaded the episode’s watermark surrounding the screen it was a rough time to be honest but I enjoyed watching.

I remember me and my friends being hyped up while waiting for each and every episode or manga chapter to release. I remember buying my first volume and reading it shamelessly in school and I made a best friend out of it and we’re still friends until now, I bonded with a whole group of people over it and we’re still in contact and that’s amazing.

Mha played a big part in my life, it helped me even during an addiction I used to have and it also had a big influence on my art.

The impact of seeing the characters on the screen or physically on a paper was truly phenomenal, even if it is or was weird. The personality of each and every character stabbed me in a metaphorical way and left the wound unhealed and I’m grateful for that. Seeing the end of this series really feels unreal after all these years, the fanbase shifting and it reviving then going back down again. I actually cried.

The real message of my hero academia was showing the mistreatment of society to certain groups of people and I really love that, Horikoshi wrote it in a way nobody else could and I’ll always admire him for that.

Thank you Horikoshi for changing my life really, and I hope you can take a well deserved break now.

GALLERY

this was a drawing I made for one of my friends a few years ago.

A Toga panel coloring I made from 3-4 years ago.

Two old art pieces from when mha really influenced my artstyle

Thank you Horikoshi.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha manga spoilers #mha manga spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha spoilers #chapter430 #horikoshi when i catch you #thank you horikoshi #horikoshi please

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oloreandil · 11 days ago

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Months and months ago I saw this post with these tags by nateriverswife (whose blogs no longer exists): "#I wonder why he corrected himself #was it to keep an emotional distance from them or something". I had a look at the surrounding chapters and thought “Wow, it’s interesting that Near uses two different types of building blocks for his castles :)”. And now here I am. Let’s talk about how Near’s use of toys parallels his state of mind and investigative methods as he solves the Kira case !

I’m tagging @neallo and @applestorms since they asked to know when this would be up ! (it's been 84 years… hello……). My deepest thanks to @peace-and-a-place-of-your-own for reading this over !

Puzzle (vol. 7 – ch. 59 + 61)

No toys during vol. 8 – ch. 65

Near first appears in the manga completely isolated and refusing contact : he doesn’t want to play with the other children at the orphanage, instead, he’s completing the same puzzle on a loop, entirely white with an L in the corner (started from the middle because it’s harder but he knows it by heart anyway. And also to flex, I assume). Roger calls him to his office with Mello to tell them that L is dead right before he can complete the letter, to really lay it thick with the symbolism.

On top of that, to highlight the dichotomy of Near as withdrawn and Mello as animated, Mello is first shown playing football outside. He says to Roger : “Unlike me, Near will calmly and unemotionally solve the puzzle”. To him, this ability to plan and not throw himself into action is Near’s best quality and something essential to being L. In French, Mello talks about self control rather than calmness, which I actually think is more accurate both to what we see and what he envies about Near. In turn, Mello’s capacity for action and his adaptability are what Near envies about Mello, but he isn’t able to argue his case and Mello refused the title of L anyway.

After the ellipsis, we see Near again when he talks to the president of the USA and the SPK members. Now that he’s no longer in a place catered to child geniuses, and especially if he’s not playing with any toys (like in ch. 65), he looks really uncomfortable : fidgeting, playing with his hair, or sitting away from the “real adults” planning the investigation. Though he’s led the Kira case since L’s death, the past 5 years have been uneventful and Near had no occasion to legitimise his claim to the succession.

House of cards (vol. 7 – ch. 61)

Matchstick towers (vol. 8 – ch 62)

Darts (vol. 8 – ch. 63 + 64)

Dice tower (vol. 8 – ch. 66)

And then… Mello kidnaps several people and shoots the Death Note into a rocket, kicking the second half of the plot into action very unexpectedly and forcing everyone to react to his plans, instead of forming their own.

Near builds increasingly elaborate towers as his counter-measures have to get more and more complex : first out of playing cards, then out of matchsticks (glued together), and finally out of dice. He starts out unsure of how to deal with the sudden public-facing role of calling the Task Force, then most of his plans go up in flames as Mello successfully steals the notebook. During the first few calls with Light, Near is trying to get a feel for what tactics to use against him and doesn’t succeed either (all of the dart he throws end up on the floor). Finally, the rest of his plans come crashing down along with his dice as the SPK members shoot themselves under the influence of Mello’s notebook. The sound of the dice falling bleeds into the sound of gunshots, which is a very neat way of integrating Near’s prop in the flow of the story and serve as a visual parallel to the bodies falling on the floor.

For the first time, Near is physically confronted to the reality that he and his team can die, and he can’t always prevent it, and it will be his fault. Mello didn’t even make them die of a heart attack, he purposefully made them take their own lives, to show Near’s who’s really in control. It’s harrowing, no matter how hard he tries to hide it – this is the most sincere emotion he’s shown so far, and the most shaken he ever looks in the manga. While he opposes the rhetoric of Kira (that you have rights over other people’s life) from the start, I think that’s when Near starts properly formulating the takedown he delivers in the warehouse.

In a really ironic turn of events, Light is the one to tell Near what he has to change : “It’s meaningless to be at each other’s throats like this… I’m not asking you to work under me, […] we should just share our information…”. Yes, this is in part an emotional decision, I don’t think Near (or most Death Note characters) enjoy seeing people die needlessly and he made an effort to accommodate the people he worked with. But this is mostly pragmatic : if collaborating gives you the best chances at adapting to the circumstances and winning, and you don’t have an ego to put first or secret goals to conceal, then that’s what you do !

Toy robots and planes (vol. 8 – ch. 67, vol. 9 – ch. 77)

Hand-carved dart, shaped like a bird (vol. 9 – ch 71)

Lego brick castle (ch. 75)

Train tracks (vol. 9 – ch. 76)

In his newfound quest for adaptability, Near is now building toys capable of movement ! He’s not quite there yet (the robot’s arm falls down when he talks to Light), but he already has a better understanding of everyone’s flaws and how they articulate in the case : Mello’s need to prove himself, Light’s ego, and his own unwillingness to take risks. Even when he builds another wall to hide behind, he quickly destroys it and keeps theorising about Light being Kira (with the hilarious reveal of the skull inside the robocop toy).

Near also starts to carefully detail each step of his plans to the SPK, using more and more representational toys. It starts very rough (like the dart he carves), like he hasn’t found the best way to translate what he is thinking into words – or words they will understand easily, and he is still separated from them by train tracks and facing the other way (until the confrontation with Mello in ch. 77). Meanwhile, Light has been spiralling since Soichiro’s death. The more he feels cornered by Near, the more secretive he becomes, even when sharing information wouldn’t threaten to reveal him. Not following his own advice makes it very, very easy for Near to contrast their behaviours and put the past 5 years of inaction into perspective for the Task Force.

Side note : the title of ch. 75 is “Reconnaissance” in French, which holds both meanings of “reconnaissance mission” and “gratefulness”. Looking out for a better path, and being grateful that you survived long enough to be able to do that !

Tarot cards (vol 9 – ch. 78)

As Near finds his footing in the investigation and develops ways of expressing himself clearly, he starts using more and more custom toys : pre-made strategies only work when you’re facing stupid or preprogrammed opponents, and in turn mass market props can only supplement his explanations for so long. He can’t leave anything to chance or fate, he has to win over both the circumstances and the players, which is really ironic since the first entirely custom prop he uses is a tarot set. Each card is Death except one for Kira which is the Devil, but Light doesn’t actually see them : the cards are visual tools entirely for the benefit of the SPK (and the reader), as opposed to provocation for Kira (in direct opposition to L’s tactics at the beginning, when he didn’t mind playing with Lind L. Tailor’s life).

Spatial base (vol 9 – ch. 79 and vol. 10 – ch. 81)

Mogi (vol. 10 – ch. 81)

Dice with skulls (vol. 10 – ch. 81 + 82 + 83)

When he and Mello team up to kidnap Mogi and interrogate him, Near is sitting in the middle of a massive spatial base launching toy spacecrafts into the air. Even though it ends with Near having to flee in a helicopter while dropping wads of cash on an angry mob, this is one of the most crucial moments for his victory. Not only does he get confirmation that Kira is the second L and plant that idea in the heads of the Task Force during his meeting with Aizawa, but he also manages to show Mello that collaborating leads to the best outcomes.

Controversially perhaps, I’m gonna add Mogi to the list of props, since faking Mogi’s death right after their escape is what coaxes Aizawa into meeting with the SPK. That’s one of the most manipulative tricks that Near pulls on the other investigators, but compared to the torture contraption that L puts Misa into or Light making people write charades before they die, Mogi bound on a chair with duct tape over his mouth feels almost cartoonish. While I am arguing here that Near is the person in power who holds the most respect for the people he is working with (or even fighting against), he still does that in ways that have the narrative weight of vicious little kids trying by all means to get their ways. That false equivalency, along with his evil frog smirks and his myriad of toys, gives a visual balance to Light making sinister faces at the camera, but the tactics are fundamentally different.

It was a gamble to trust Aizawa and Mogi with seeing his face (right as Near opens mystery dice boxes, some of which have skulls on them), but trust keeps paying off and he gets the information he wanted while still respecting their boundaries in terms of what they feel comfortable revealing : confirmation that Light is Kira. He immediately shares that information with Mello… apart from Light’s name, just to see how fast Mello figures it out. That’s about as far as Near actually engages with the idea that he and Mello are competing to catch Kira before the other, since that never seemed to be the most viable plan to him in the first place.

Motorised rubber ducks (vol. 10 – ch. 86 + 88)

Paper Tokyo tower (vol. 11 – ch. 89)

With a secure network of allies and the net closing in on Light, Near moves his headquarters to Japan, first sending Rester, Linder and Gevanni (while playing with motorised rubber ducks in a pool), before he goes there himself (announcing it while building a papercraft Tokyo Sky Tree). Even the SPK didn’t expect this move from him, which I think is the reason why he uses the NHN to tell Mello (and Light, by the same occasion). This is also the first time that SPK agents are going on extended missions outside the headquarters, with great risk since their faces will be out in the open, something Near worries about out loud several times and tries to mitigate.

Lego Kira (vol. 11 – ch. 90 + 92 + 93 + 94)

Then, Near reveals that he wants to confront Kira in person as he unboxes what is, according to HTR13, the official “NHN shooting game set (With block dolls)”. Rester comments he had to wait “hours” in line to get them, but I’m truly doubtful that in a pro-Kira world, a company would mass produce a shooting game featuring Kira’s chosen TV network, with two notebooks included and also the SPK… I'm assuming this is a retcon from HTR13, since it was written after the fact. They simply act as Near’s placeholder props while he finishes the finger puppets (they first showed up during ch. 85 and reappear in ch. 94).

In any case, the fake gun included in the set is immediately used by Near to dismiss the idea of killing Kira and his associates before the case is solved, and after that, only as a last resort. Mello, Light and Near play the same game with vastly different rules : the mafia and the Kira team have licence to kill, but Near and his allies (the SPK and the Task Force) do not. Near outright refuses to kill Light and prove his guilt after the fact, both because it would fail to morally oppose Kira, even if it were more convenient, and they have the added goal of preventing someone else from continuing Kira’s mission.

I love that Near presents this as the same reasoning L had, when the closest we get is… Light himself, during the Yotsuba arc. Poring over insane amounts of data to set up your plans, bending the rules as much as possible while never breaking them, and stopping at hard moral boundaries regardless of how much it complicates your work, that’s a far cry from L’s style. He never really considered it an investigation against Kira in all potential incarnations, as opposed to a one-on-one entertaining fight against Light.

Christmas tree decorated with various toys (vol. 11 – ch. 92)

Marbles maze (vol. 11 – ch. 95)

Ultraman figurines (vol. 11 – ch. 97)

After the interim Lego are no longer needed, the only props Near uses to talk about the case are his finger puppets. Most if not all of the other toys are just that : toys. He used them as an investigative tool, a way to talk through his plans out loud for himself and the other people that needed to follow along (and there is an arrogance in thinking they wouldn’t be able to understand him otherwise !), but ultimately, Near just likes to play. He looks and is the youngest of the cast, an even bigger reminder that most of the main characters had their childhoods stolen by expectations placed on their intellect. The many toy robots shown in Near’s last panel (ch. 108), or the insane displays in the one-shots, only highlight that he clings to that comfort in an otherwise pretty desolate life.

Handmade puppets (vol. 10 – ch. 85, vol. 11 – ch. 94 + 96 + 98, vol. 12 – ch. 100 + 101 + 103 + 104 + 105 + 106)

Mask (vol. 12 – ch. 101 + 103 + 104 + 105 + 106)

No toys during vol. 12 – ch. 107

Official puppet time ! The buglies ! One of my favourite parts of Death Note !

The first finger puppets we see are L, Kira and the second Kira while Near is looking into the real identity of the second L. The SPK puppets appear in the background of ch. 85, along with a few tools (moulds, paint…), so we know Near is hand-making puppets for everyone in the investigation. Even though Near’s own face remains protected until the final confrontation, when he knows he’s won, putting a face on every person he uses in his plans prevents them from feeling like interchangeable pawns.

L’s finger puppet is shockingly accurate, despite Near never seeing him or finding any pictures. He has, at most, descriptions from the university students who briefly saw him 6 years ago. It’s made from the same cast as Near’s puppet, but in this scene he is distancing himself once again from both the first and second L – Kira.

On the one hand, Kira is the morally corrupt enemy that managed to stall the Task Force’s investigation by infiltrating them and making them run circles around him while he carried out his plans. On the other hand, the first L was reckless and lacked foresight, showing his face to Light early in the investigation out of overconfidence. Risky moves are flashy if they pay off, but this one didn’t, erasing L and his work and setting the case back 5 years in the process. We have an echo of Near’s words in the Wammy flashback : “If you can’t beat the game […] you’re nothing more than a loser”. In comparison, Near tries to be as methodic as he can in his takedown of Kira. I also love that Near reacts very differently to Mello’s recklessness, but that’s a rabbit hole for another day.

In contrast to the others, end even though Near knows his face, Light has the only puppet which isn’t life-like. Instead, it looks like a generic (if mischievous) boy scout with a mask scribbled on. The girl scout puppet is not Misa but the concept of the second Kira – someone who kills on Light’s behalf, and therefore a counterpart to Light’s figure. According to Obata in the HTR13 interviews, it’s like Near made them look like he could have bought the puppets elsewhere, and the level of care and realism he puts into each figure directly correlates to how much he esteems the person represented (Mello’s being the most detailed). That means he deliberately chose not to afford Kira the humanity of a face, even as Misa, Takada and Mikami get realistic (-ish…) puppets. Since Near is very concerned with preventing the passing down of the notebook and motives to kill, Light, as a person, doesn’t matter in the face of his ideology. I think that’s one of the only indulgences Near allows himself in the investigation : never hiding his disgust for Kira, be it through an ugly finger puppet or mocking Light during their calls.

Near reverts back to the puppets from the customised Lego until ch. 94, only keeping the Lego notebooks (that he adds a Death Note cover to, after seeing Mikami’s notebook).

The Task Force and SPK puppets often show up when Near is talking about how to prevent Kira from killing them all or manipulating them with the Death Note : talking Aizawa out of trying to catch Kira himself, making sure Mikami doesn’t write Gevanni’s name in the notebook and win the warehouse confrontation, or kidnapping Misa so Light can’t use her as the second Kira. He has to avoid a scenario where he is the last one fighting against Kira at all costs, especially after the planned confrontation in the warehouse where he would be unable to physically protect himself.

Misa is unpredictable and dangerous in unknown proportions, so she gets a realistic but crude figure. The Task Force is well-meaning but useless and easily fooled, if Aizawa and Mogi get perfectly fine depictions, Matsuda and Ide have barely-resembling puppets (especially since Near thinks way less of them). The SPK figures, meanwhile, are very life-like and pretty flattering compared to others. Near also doesn’t use them much, but they often appear around his puppet during explanations – since they are essential parts of his plans and he is in active communication with all of them, they work as extensions of him in the outside world.

After that, we see Mikami and Takada’s puppets, now full-time actors as the second Kira. Takada’s puppet is low effort compared to most, and I should point out: Misa and her being sidelined as stupid or irrelevant pawns, even through the eyes of other characters, is one of the many sexists narratives of Death Note. Mikami’s puppet however is grotesquely detailed, with claw-like fingers and just… the most wonderful hair and grin. Could it be that in spite of Near’s utter contempt for his beliefs, he admires Mikami’s perfectly calibrated routine ? That’s certainly a lifestyle he could follow…

Quick note on the puppets : a large number of them don’t have discernable eyeballs, but those that do all have them pointed up, except Near and L who are looking straight ahead (quite vacantly). We see them mainly from Near’s level – meaning, the floor – but if you were a member of the SPK standing next to him, they would be looking up at you, with only Near's puppet avoiding your gaze, like the real one does. What a lovely and creepy detail !

For the end of vol. 11, we wait for the warehouse confrontation with barely any puppet action. That’s when we see Near play with the robots and marbles, even though we sometimes see the rest of the puppets in the background. He doesn’t have much to explain since all his plans are in place, the latency period was only necessary to make sure Gevanni doesn’t die 23 days after touching the notebook, as per the fake rule. Mello is once again the one to shake things up by kidnapping Takada and allowing Near to realise the notebook he tampered with was fake. In a single day, the puzzle pieces have to fall into place : either Gevanni manages to replace the real notebook, or Kira wins and kills them all.

Near takes all of the finger puppets to the warehouse apart from Misa : the SPK members, the Task Force, Kira (along with Takada and Mikami), and all iterations of L (himself, Mello, and L). He also wears an L mask, which Light is really upset about for completely normal nemesis-related reasons. This is the first time Light, Ryuk, Ide and Matsuda see Near and the visual aids for his explanations, and it doesn’t inspire them much trust. He looks so creepy (and in a scene where optics really matter !), surrounded by the dolls and telling them to wait for Mikami to write their names in the notebook, that even Mogi and Aizawa start to suspect Near has trapped them or is Kira himself – though they still decide to momentarily trust his judgement.

This is the final time Near has anything to demonstrate, but Light is wrong when he thinks of it as a one-on-one battle – Near isn’t solely focused on Light like L was, and monitoring Mikami so closely is actually one of the keys for his victory. But what he highlights, and what Light seems most shocked by, is that he communicated with the SPK, the Task Force, and even Mello to some extent, and that their coordination and cooperation is what allows them to win. With the L, Mello and Near dolls on his fingers, Near taunts him as he wholly demolishes whatever was left of Kira’s chances to rule the world.

After the first page of ch. 105, when Light says “That’s right. I am Kira”, there is nothing left to prove and the mask and puppets are only part of the background… except the Kira puppet, which Near crushes between his fingers after Light finally admits the truth. They don’t appear at all during ch. 107, in which Light dies, always hidden by the framing or other characters. Near basically ceases to be a character after that. We don’t see his thoughts anymore, and he speaks twice : once to reassure the others that Ryuk will not help Light by killing them, and then once more in ch. 108 to ask Aizawa for help with a drug busting operation in Japan, a year after the case.

When I first read Death Note, I was surprised how much Near fades into the background at the exact moment of Light’s downfall, but not only is his narrative role over, so is his implication in the case. Near does not have a personal attachment to Light, or to proving Light (and no one else) is Kira, no reason to gloat endlessly or question whether that case will come back to haunt him… In the two subsequent one-shots, Near deals with the new killers not as apparitions of a former enemy, but as new notebook owners, none of them even close to having Kira’s ambitions. You could say he looks depressed the same way L did during the Yotsuba arc, or the way Light did after he killed L, but I would interpret it as intense boredom and loneliness rather than sulking or obsessive sadness.

I still don't feel like I've said it all – what do I make of the two indiscernible puppets Near sets up on L’s mask, the giant L towers made of playing cards and the Ryuk head from the one-shots, I haven't even talked about precisely how Near sits on the floor while he plays – but I have to stop somewhere in my thesis and that shall be it. I would be more than delighted to hear your opinion if you’ve read this far, I hope I've demonstrated that I love talking about this !

Edit: I forgot to link this excellent post on Near by @/empressofthewind that gave me the last push to finish this !!! Required further reading, I might say !!

(dis)honourable unrelated mentions :

Mello is introduced barefoot (apparently playing football with bare grippers…) and there’s a panel of his toes clenched in fury at L’s passing. Immediately after he decides to leave L’s role to Near, he’s wearing leather boots, and this is NOT a coincidence ← average theory in a 20 year-old fandom

The French translation is immaculate. 100/10 no notes. I had so many good laughs, everyone say thank you Shinya Seto, Myloo Anhmet and Guillaume Abadie for their amazing work ! This has cemented in my mind that Ohba should switch gears to comedy, where he will undoubtedly excel

During their raid on Mello’s mafia hideout (vol. 9 – ch. 73), Light calls his father “Deputy director” until he finally corners Mello, at which point he loses all professionalism and yells “Dad, his face ? Did you see his face ?”. It’s so interesting how Kira is consistently the most childish, naive and impulsive side of Light. The worst of it comes off during the warehouse confrontation, where Light has to physically refrain himself from smirking or cackling before he’s sure he’s won, and doesn’t even manage to wait the full 40 seconds to confirm the others are dying before gloating (which he managed for L’s death…)

Mello points out that Soichiro’s hesitation to finish writing his name in the notebook is due to the fact that, in the entirety of his policeman career, he has never killed anyone. Harrowing that he dies relieved his son isn’t a murderer, because until the end, Soichiro believed that even state-sanctioned killing on the line of duty doesn’t absolve you of that crime !

Near has imo the most correct view of Kira supporters in the entire manga. When a mob swarms the SPK HQ in Kira’s name, he outlines 3 groups : genuine Kira supporters, those who got swept up by their frenzy, and people using Kira to justify acts of violence they would commit anyway. I think that parallels Kira’s journey, the inevitable end it brings Light to : sincerely held ideals of justice and a profound disgust for the way violence goes unchecked, increasingly worse justifications for his spiral of violence, and self-serving behaviour as he grapples to remain in power

Reading the interviews at the end of HTR13 is a trip. What do you mean Obata would have tried to convince Ohba to let Mello live at the end because he finds him so cool and loyal. What do you mean Obata paid special attention to apple drawings only for Ohba to tell him he didn’t think about any apple symbolism, sorry to disappoint. What do you mean they barely spoke or saw each other and Obata makes heart-eyes at Ohba so he can visit his “enchanting office, decorated western-style”. In fucking tears

To contradict my finger puppet analysis in a very funny way, O&O said in HTR13 that Near manipulating the events of the investigation, to the extent of playing with the other characters as puppets, was meant to show his “negative” and “dark” side (his dark and twisted mind, if you will). I genuinely love reading their interviews because it never fails to prove that the story you want to tell, the story that comes out of the printing press, and the story each individual reader will understand are wholly different concepts and should be treated as such

#death note #near death note #nate river #death note meta #olorea talks #dn #meta #WHEW i'm done !!! there's actually so much i left out so if anyone has questions or wants to add / expand on something #literally anything !!! i am ears WIDE open. please and thank you <333 i am so normal and can be trusted in death note conversation <33333 #<- has gone slightly insane about this meta #i will in the near-to-middling future post this on ao3 but for now i am laying down. oh and i'm very open to comments to better the ID #txt #img

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