#now THAT would be a birthday gift to myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

evolnoomym · 11 hours ago

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Birds of a Feather 🌙☀️

General Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist | Support me |

Summary: A peek into the future.

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 0.8 k

Authors note: First of all Happy Birthday to my Wife @joelmillerisapunk and myself, I love you so much Sunshine (we are literally Scorpio twins) 🫶🏻 This was supposed to be something else, a whole multi-chapter Fic based around this couple (which I still plan on writing) but as you know my life kinda changed completely so I was busy with taking care of that instead. I hope y’all like this little gift I’ve prepared.

Warnings: no use of y/n, Female reader, Female OC, FFM, beautiful domestic vibes, getting married, implied age-gap, cock lol, throuple,

Shoutout to @saradika @strangergraphics and @steddiecameraroll-graphics 💛

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. You are always welcome to talk with me about my writing. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly. 🫶🏻

If someone would’ve told you that your future is gonna look like this you would’ve never believed it. So full of love, happiness and joy, exactly what you deserve after all these painful years. You finally get to wake up and be happy about it. Free of the past that kept dragging you down into the abyss. Meeting Sunny changed everything, you spend hours day after day talking to her and never once getting tired of each other. Love at first sight. Within months the decision was made to leave everything behind, runaway and move in with her.

It may seem rushed to others, but not once since then did you regret leaving. Sunny and you quickly fell into a blissful domestic routine, waking up together in bed, making breakfast for each other, cleaning the house like maniacs together and let’s not forget about those countless trips to Costco while listening to music you both loved. Movie nights cuddled up on the couch, tending to the vegetable garden in the backyard and all the dates Sunny planned, showing off the beautiful hidden spots of her town.

Of course one day the topic of getting married came up and it wasn’t surprising that the both of you had similar dreams, tying the knot in Italy. A month after that conversation Sunny got down on one knee and popped the question, which of course you immediately said yes to. A couple weeks after she slipped that moon shaped diamond down your finger it was time to walk down the aisle. It was a small ceremony. One of the best days in your life, one you won’t ever forget. The day you married the love of your life.

A year has since passed and if someone, again, would’ve told you that it will get even better you would have not believed it.

Life was already pretty perfect, but then you met Joel Miller that fateful night, 6 months ago, at the local bar. Sunny and you had talked about sharing someone but the opportunity never came. Joel however was different from those other guys, his interest was not driven by perversion, no, he was genuine and respectful. A mature man who knows what it takes to make a gal happy. Broad shoulders, strong arms, the sweetest brown eyes and luscious brown locks streaked with grey.

In the beginning you felt like a traitor for feeling the way you did about Joel.

Sunny ever the Angel reassured you each time that you are not a bad person for loving more than one person, after all she loved him too.

Those doubts feel silly now as you stand in the kitchen of the house you three share. Glancing out of the big window above the countertop you can see Sunny in the garden outstretched on a big blanket. She’s soaking up the last rays of sunlight and the golden hues make her look so angelic. It’s November 10th, her birthday and yours too.

You quietly step out onto the porch, tiptoeing over to her, she seems to sense your presence and opens her eyes. “Hii Babygirl,” Sunny’s sweet voice greets you. As you sink down to your knees, she sits up on her knees and slides her arms around your waist. “What did you do inside?” Sunny asks after pressing her soft lips on yours. “I cleaned the kitchen,” you try to lean in for another kiss “Wait I already cleaned the kitchen this morning,” Sunny pulls back and tilts her head questioning “are you okay Baby?” She knows you so well. “Yeah I’m just nervous, do you think he has something planned for us?”

Sunny chuckles “I sure hope he does or else he won’t get his cock sucked tonight,” her boldness still makes you blush furiously “ awww Baby no need to get shy, it’s okay I know you love that cock.” She smirks and you can only nod bashful.

“Yes, but shouldn’t he do something to us?” You pout your lips and Sunny takes the opportunity to kiss you again. She strokes through your hair gently “He will definitely do something to us, but that gift you want probably the most has to wait for a little longer.”

“I know, maybe we can give him that for his birthday?” You suggest in a giddy tone.

“Would it really be a surprise if he’s actively involved in making that gift?” She retorts.

“No, but you know what I mean.”

“Yes I do, let’s talk about it with him okay sweet cheeks?” You nod.

Sunny’s attention is pulled to something behind you “Speaking of the devil,” Sunny smiles and points to something behind you.

When you whip around you see Joel with two huge bouquets in his arms, a big smile on his face and even after he’s worked a hard shift he still looks breathtakingly handsome. And when he opens his mouth to bless your ears with his deep Texas drawl you are immediately put at ease.

“There are my two pretty girls, now who’s ready for a Birthday Party?”

Friends: @beefrobeefcal @pedrospatch @penvisions @tightjeansjavi @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @strang3lov3 @guiltyasdave @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @mrsmando @iamasaddie @syd-djarin @msjarvis @mermaidgirl30 @noxturnalnymph @sizzlingcloudmentality @the-mandawhor1an @yorksgirl @sin-djarin @thundermartini @clawdee @almostfoxglove @ace-turned-confused @always-andromeda @sawymredfox @morallyinept @ovaryacted @toxicanonymity @luxurychristmaspudding @rivnedell @moonlitbirdie @zloshy @sixhours @merz-8 @punkshort @beardedjoel @sp00kymulderr @joelslegalwhre @baronessvonglitter @tonysopranosrobe @pedropeach @ozarkthedog @joelsdagger @whocaresstillthelouvre @littlemisspascal

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#joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #Joel miller Fic #joel miller tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller x oc #throuple #pedro pascal characters #My writing #Mina’s writing

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lovegalor333 · 3 days ago

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fresh start

part six (chapter 16-18) previous part • next part

word count: 6.1k

content warnings: paiges nasty ass ex

Lily

Paige had begged me to stay over at her place last night and even tried guilt tripping me by saying that she'd wake up alone on birthday. "You won't be alone P, your roommates will be there." I reminded her before she reluctantly let me go back to my apartment.

It was 6AM on Paiges birthday and even though I was half asleep, I was buckled into my car with a trunk full of balloons and banners and Paiges gift safely in the passenger seat.

I text Azzi under her instruction to let her know I was outside once I reached their apartment. She must have been on her phone because she opened the door no more than ten seconds later.

"Morning Lils." She greets me, looking unfairly fresh faced at this time of the morning.

"Morning." I groan, hugging Azzi to the best of my ability with a handful of balloons and multiple bags in my hand.

I enter the apartment and hand Azzi the bag of decorations and balloons that have been stored in my apartment all week and she immediately begins hanging banners.

KK strolls into the living room moments later looking just as tired as me, "Morning KK." I laugh and I just get a grunt in response as she makes her way to the refrigerator, grabbing an energy drink.

"Where is the birthday girl then?" I ask wondering if Paige was awake yet, she was notoriously not a morning person so I doubted it.

"Channeling her inner sleeping beauty of course." Azzi replies as she sprinkles confetti over the table.

"Something I should be doing." KK mutters from the place curled up on the couch.

"No, you're helping me - french toast time!" Azzi chirps as she skips to the kitchen and I'm amazed at her energy this early in the day.

I leave the girls and make my way to Paiges bedroom, her door is closed so I slowly open it and step into her dim room.

I place her gift down before sitting on the edge of the bed. Paige is fast asleep, eyes shut with a slight frown on her face, hair splayed across her pillow, chest rising and falling peacefully. I almost feel bad waking her.

I run my hand down her face and along her jaw, she doesn't even stir.

"Paige..." I whisper softly as I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

The soft frown on her face deepens and her eyes flutter open.

"Good morning, birthday girl." I smile down at her.

"Morning." She replies, her voice low and husky.

"Not a good morning? It's your birthday." I say softly before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips. She catches me off guard, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me down on top of her.

"Paige!" I squeal and I place a hand at either side of her head to steady myself.

"Now it's a good morning." She smirks up at me and I blush immediately, between her morning voice, messy hair and lack of clothes Paige didn't have to try hard to make me flustered.

"How about you skip classes and I skip workouts and we stay here but you take this off?" Paige says, her hands fiddling with the hem of my sweater before sneaking under and trailing up my back, her fingers grazing my skin as her hand moved up and down.

I lower myself so I'm no longer propped up but so my body is flush with Paiges, head on her chest, "I would love that," I say taking in her scent, knowing exactly what moisturiser she used last night, "but you have a season starting in a few weeks and I have assignments to write."

Paige huffs from beneath me, deep down she knows I'm right so she won't argue but I placate her anyway.

"Besides, we get to be together the entire weekend, starting tonight." I smile, leaning up once again, getting a good view of Paiges face. Despite the room being so dark, her blue eyes were as piercing as ever.

"And I got you something." I say leaning down to where I had placed her gift.

I push myself up off Paige so she can sit up too and I hand her the gift bag that had tissue paper stuffed in the top to stop her from peeking in and seeing what the present was.

"Lily, I hope you didn't spend a lot of money of this." She says looking at me seriously.

"Oh shush Paige, if I did, it's because you're worth it. Now open it." I say.

I watch as Paige removes each layer of tissue paper before reaching her hand in the bag. She pulls out her card first, tucked away in a soft lilac envelope, her name written in cursive on the front, a small heart replacing the dot on the i.

Paige doesn't read the card out loud but I remember exactly what I wrote.

Dear Paige,

Happy 22nd Birthday!

I hope your next year of life brings you everything you've ever dreamed of and more.

Words cannot explain how thankful I am to have you. I left Boston extremely broken and lonely and I was scared I would stay like that but meeting you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I look forward to spending more time with you, making more memories and watching you fulfill your dreams.

I love you, happy birthday.

Your Lily x

Paige looks up at me from her card, eyes rimmed with tears, "Hey, no crying on your birthday." I warn.

"I love you, Lily." She says blinking to clear the tears.

"I love you too." I reply and I reach my own hand into the gift bag and pull out a small, neatly wrapped box.

"I hope you like it." I say as I present it to Paige.

She takes the box from me and pulls the ribbon to untie it before opening the box revealing a sliver chain, with a mini carabiner on it that held three charms.

"A five, a cross and an L. It's perfect Lily, I love it. Thank you so much." She says bundling me into a hug and we almost topple over.

"Put it on for me?" She asks handing me the necklace and I take it, standing up and going behind her looping the necklace around her neck before clasping it together.

My hands linger on her bare shoulders, "There, all done."

"Hey, stop kissing and come out here, breakfast is ready." KK barges in the room, the energy drink has definitely kicked in.

"We weren't even kissing." Paige defends as we follow KK into the living room where there is a perfectly presented table, clad with confetti, flowers and balloons, not to mention the pile of french toast and fresh fruit.

"Did you have fun last night?" I ask Paige as I hand her a mug of hot coffee and she nods while taking a sip.

"So much fun, just having everyone I love around one table makes me feel so blessed." She says and I sit facing her on her bed with my own mug of coffee in my hands.

The team, Paiges family and I all went for dinner last night to celebrate Paiges birthday and then we moved on to a karaoke bar. We kept things pretty lowkey and completely sober knowing that we had the party tonight.

"I'll have to go home soon P, I need to shower and get ready for tonight." I tell her. I had ended up coming home with Paige last night and staying at her apartment but it was already midday and we'd only just gotten out of bed.

"Time for an episode of Greys?" She asks fluttering her lashes and how can I say no to that so I scoot over to Paige as she turns on her TV.

Paige

"Y'all one more tiktok before we leave!" KK pleads, propping up her phone on the counter.

"Uh uh!" Azzi argues grabbing KKs phone on her way to the door, "The Ubers are here, lets go." She says and we all obey, not wanting to get on the wrong side of Azzi Fudd.

No one was a designated driver tonight because we would all be drinking so we piled into multiple Ubers to take us to Huskies.

"Lily meeting us there?" Nika asks me as we make our way to the bar.

"Yeah, she's coming with her roommates." I tell her.

It doesn't take us long to get to Huskies and Azzi insists on leading me inside with one hand on my arm guiding me and the other covering my eyes.

After walking a few steps with my life in Azzis hands she counts down,

"Three...two...one...open!" and she removes her hand from my eyes and I'm met with a room full my friends, teammates and people I know from campus. Party poppers are let off and everyone cheers before the music kicks in and the bass takes over.

Before I know it, I'm being handed a shot and then another shot and then another. Tonight is going to be messy.

"Hi gorgeous." I hear a soft voice say as two arms wrap around my waist from behind.

Lily.

"Hi pretty girl." I reply turning around and coming face to face with my girlfriend. "You're really living up to that nickname, look at you." I say as I take in her appearance.

She has her hair pulled back into a half up half down style, her makeup is natural as always but still accentuates her features perfectly and shes wearing a black mini skirt with a white shirt and black heels.

She blushes at my compliment and dips her head, "Don't be shy with me." I say lifting her head so I'm looking into her eyes again.

"I can't help it." She says a small smile on her lips.

"You look amazing." I say, my hand stroking her jaw.

"So do you." She replies as she fiddles with the necklace she bought me around my neck.

"SHOTS!" We're interrupted by Ice with two shots in her hands and she hands one each to Lily and me. We take them and clink them together before knocking them back, looking at each other with the same grimace at the sharp taste of alcohol.

As the night goes on, things get less and less clear. I keep looking around for Lily and I spot her easily each time, at first she was dancing with Kelsey then with Kayla at the bar and now she's sat talking with Nika.

"Here, drink up birthday girl." Aubrey says handing me a red cup and I wave my hand, "Not right now, I need a moment." I say feeling drunker by the second.

I manoeuvre my way through the crowd of people towards Lily and Nika, "Mind if I steal her for a second?" I say to Nika and she nods, "All yours."

I take Lilys hand and lead us to the exit, "Are you OK, P?" Lily asks once we're outside in the crisp October air.

"I'm good, just wanted you alone for a minute."

"What for?"

"For this." I say taking her face in my hands and pressing my lips to hers. I feel her giggle and then lean into the kiss and I move us back so that Lily is against the wall, our mouths move together perfectly and her hands tangle in my hair and I swear I could leave this party here and now.

After a while Lily and I realise we can't spend the whole night outside making out so we compose ourselves and go back inside and as soon as we do I immediately wish we didn't.

I stop dead in my tracks at the sight in front of me, it takes a few seconds for Lily to realise, "What?" She asks looking at me concerned, I must be as pale as a ghost.

I don't say anything but she follows my eyeline to where Azzi is stood hands on her hips, a deep frown on her face as she shouts at the girl in front of her.

I can't believe this is happening.

"Who is that?" Lily asks but I'm frozen in my spot.

It doesn't take long for all eyes to be on Lily and me and I instinctively pull her closer to me, my arm hooking around her waist.

"Paigey, your friend is trying to kick me out." The girl says approaching us and I flinch at the voice I haven't heard in years and I feel Lily stiffen beside me.

"I'm not trying, I am kicking you out. Goodbye." Azzi says following behind and forcing the girl past Lily and me but she reaches out and grabs my arm stopping herself.

I find my voice but it comes out quiet, "Get off me, Marianna." But she doesn't let go, "It's your birthday, don't be like this." She continues.

"She said let go!" Lilys voice is loud and stern and she prizes Marianna hand off my arm and I watch as Mariannas face contorts into a scowl.

"Who are you? Her bodyguard?" She spits and I look at Lily who's also scowling and I step in front of her protectively, "She's my girlfriend," I say, "And you need to leave, now."

Marianna laughs and I know her well enough to know she didn't find anything funny.

"Girlfriend? Last time I checked you didn't do commitment."

"And the last time I checked, you didn't know who I was, so what's changed?" I ask but I don't really care for the answer.

"I've grown up Paige, we both have. I just want to speak to you about everything." Marianna says and now I'm the one laughing, "That's never going to happen."

"Oh now you've got your little slut-" Marianna is cut off by a drink being thrown directly in her face and for a second I thought I could have done it but I never even had a drink in my hand.

"You just crossed the line, you've got to go." Kelsey interjects, empty cup in her hand as Marianna shouts about her hair and outfit being ruined. Kelseys hands me the cup and I take it and watch and she pushes Marianna with two hands towards the exit.

"Well, someome had to do it." Kayla says and I turn around to Lily, "Are you OK?" I ask putting my arm over her shoulder and she nods, "Yes - are you?" And I nod back, "As long as you are."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

I woke up to the incessant pinging of notifications. I felt around the bed, my eyes still closed until I came into contact with my phone, I pried my eyes open, squinting at the bright light, No New Notifications.

Beside me Paige stirred, also looking for her phone in the bundle of sheets. She finds it and quickly silences her notifications before closing her eyes again.

"Who is it?" I asked now propped up on my elbow.

Paige shrugs sleepily, "I don't know. Just ignore it, let's go back to sleep." She says pulling me down to lay beside her. I don't argue but I also don't go back to sleep, I stay snuggled into Paige until I feel her breathing even out telling me she's fallen back to sleep.

I carefully slip my body out of Paige's grasp and tiptoe my way out of her bedroom. Once I'm awake, it's hard for me to get back to sleep so I usually give in and start my day.

"Morning Lily." I'm greeted by Nika as I enter the living room, she's curled up on the couch with her hood up and sunglasses on.

"Morning Niks," I smile, "Feeling last night's festivities?" I laugh.

"Uh huh." She nods laying her head back to rest on the back of the couch.

"I'll make coffee." I offer, stepping into the kitchen and starting to prepare the drinks.

I've spent so much time in this apartment, I can navigate it as though it's my own so I know where everything is, it doesn't take me long to make Nika and me an iced coffee each.

"You're an angel." She says as I hand her her glass.

"How do you feel after last night? I cannot believe Marianna showed up." Nika says inbetween sips.

"I feel fine," I say honestly, "I just hope Paige feels the same, I know she was really hurt by what happened between them."

Nika nods, "Yeah it was not a good time for Paige. I honestly thought Marianna had transferred out of UConn, that's how long it's been since any of us have seen her." She explains.

"Really? I wonder what made her show her face last night, do you think she wants Paige back?" I ask only now realising that this could be an issue.

The way that Paige spoke about her made it sound serious and if she was Paige's first love and there was a lot of history, what would stop those feelings arising again now that Marianna is back on the scene?

"Even if she did, Paige doesn't want her back. I saw the way she defended you last night and made it clear you were her girlfriend. Marianna is in the past, you and Paige are right now."

I think back to last night when Paige protectively stepped in front of me, shielding me from her vicious ex and realised Nika was right, Marianna was the past.

"You're right, I'm just overthinking." I say as Ice and Azzi emerge from their bedrooms looking just like Nika with their hoods up.

Azzi flops beside Nika and takes her glass of iced coffee out of her hand and takes a sip for herself, "Ugh, I need like three of these." She groans.

"I'll make you one, you too Ice." I say to the girls and get up from my place on the couch.

Paige

I felt Lily get out of bed and listened as she spoke to Nika, I couldn't make out exactly what was being said but I knew they'd be talking for a while so I grabbed my phone and scrolled through the numerous notifications that had woken us up.

They were all iMessages from a number I didn't have saved but I knew exactly who it was.

i knew you'd understand

thank you

i'll come round in the morning and we can talk

What?

I click on the notification to open the full message thread and I want to scream.

What have I done?

Like some sort of sick game, another text comes through and I lock my phone and quickly make my way into the living room.

Lily is sat with my friends on the couch talking and drinking coffee. Despite having barely slept, she still looks beautiful, she's wearing one of my t-shirt and my pyjama bottoms and her hair messily frames her face.

"Good morning." She says noticing me stood in the room and she smiles big and wide and my heart sinks a bit.

"What time are you leaving?" I ask and I regret the abruptness almost immediately but she needs to leave and sooner rather than later.

"I don't know." She says and the smile slowly fades from her face, "Now?" She asks lowly, standing up.

"Yeah, OK." I agree and she walks past me into my bedroom and I hear her gathering her stuff.

Without looking, I already know I have multiple sets of eyes glaring at me.

"Just don't." I say looking up at Ice, Azzi and Nika all scowling at me.

"Um...bye, I guess." Lily says awkwardly beside me.

"Yeah, bye." I say pulling her into a quick side hug before she hurries out of the apartment, not saying anything to the girls.

"Paige, what the fuck?" Azzi is the first one to speak.

"Rude much?" Next is Ice.

"What the hell is your problem?" And lastly Nika.

"Guys please, not now." I say joining them on the couch putting my head in my heads.

"Um...yes, now. You're girlfriend just left on the brink of tears." Azzi says.

"I'll deal with Lily later but Marianna is on her way and I couldn't have Lily here when she showed up."

"What?!" All three girls exclaim in unison.

"She text me last night about talking and I must have drunkenly replied and agreed to talk to her, I don't even remember doing it! And she just text me to say she's on the way." I blurt, suddenly feeling very hungover.

"Paige, you should have been honest with Lily." Azzi says and as always, she's right.

"I panicked." I say running my hair through my hair in frustration.

"Call her right now." My best friend says and as I stand from the couch to go and get my phone there's a knock at the door.

"It might be Caroline, she said she was coming over too." Azzi says as I look at her.

Only one way to find out.

I take cautious steps to the front door and open it slowly.

“Hi Paigey."

"Hi." I reply monotonously and actually look at Marianna properly for the first time. She looks different, her shoulder length hair is grown out and scattered with blonde highlights now and she's definitely had some degree of lip filler since I last saw her.

She walks into the apartment and sees my roommates, "Am I at risk of getting another drink thrown at me?" She asks sarcastically.

"Well that depends." Azzi says before throwing her hands up in defence, "We'll leave you to it." And the girls all get up and retreat to their bedrooms.

"Thanks for agreeing to talk." Marianna says making herself comfortable, sitting on the couch where Lily was just minutes ago.

"Um yeah, I mean I don't actually remember agreeing-"

"I'm sorry Paigey, for everything I did back then. I was confused and young and didn't know what I was feeling or what I wanted. I should have never treated you like that." She says and I feel winded by the words that have come too little too late.

"You were confused? Imagine how I felt." I say back still stood by the door.

"I know and I said I'm sorry. I want to make up with you, go back to how we were."

"I don't think that will happen."

"We haven't even tried." She says now standing up and walking over to me.

"Marianna-"

"Paigey, come on. Do you remember what you said to me all those years ago?" I stay silent because I said a lot of things, she was the first girl I ever loved.

"You said it was me and it would always be me. Does that not stand for anything?" Her hands are on my arms now almost as if she's begging.

"Whatever it stood for became irrelevant when you forgot who I was."

"I could never forget you, how could I?" She moves her hand up to my face and before I have time to process what's going on her lips are on mine.

I push her away with maybe too much force because she topples back before regaining her balance.

"What the fuck! I have a girlfriend, what are you doing?" I spit, wiping my mouth where hers just was.

"I just thought...you agreed to see me Paigey..."

"You thought wrong. I was drunk when I replied to your text and quit calling me Paigey. In fact, you need to leave." I say sternly, turning to open the door.

"Don't do this, I miss you." She pleads.

"I don't miss you. I've moved on and I love Lily." I tell her and her face drops in realisation that I'm being serious.

"Leave. Now." I demand and she scurries past me without a final look and I slam the door behind her and let out a frustrated groan.

Azzi appears in the living room and I just look at her blankly and she knows me well enough to be able to read my expressions, "What happened?"

I everything explain to Azzi and wait for her response.

"Yeah, you need to tell Lily. Like right now." She says and I nod, she's right. The sooner I tell Lily and explain what happened and how it happened, the better.

I get my phone from my bedroom and open up mine and Lilys messages, "What do I even say?" I look to my best friend for advice.

"The truth Paige. Lily will understand."

With my phone still clutched in my hand, I throw my arms up in frustration, "How did I tell my girlfriend I kissed my ex?" I huff.

Swoosh.

I freeze and look down at my phone.

Lily

Paiges weird behaviour had me on edge and going through every single possibility in my mind.

I tried to calm myself by saying she was just hungover and grouchy but that didn't even sound right, Paige never acted like that.

I was layed in my bed, trying my best to go to sleep, a nap would make me feel better and then I would speak to Paige.

A notification on my phone made me open my eyes, it was a voicenote from Paige. I click on it and press play.

"How do I tell my girlfriend I kissed my ex?"

My stomach dropped immediately and I felt as though I was going to be sick there and then.

Paige kissed Marianna?

When?

I drop my phone losing all strength to hold it and my eyes blur as they fill with tears.

Deep down I knew this was too good to be true. I knew I wasn't enough for Paige and it was only a matter of time before she realised that.

I'm sobbing now, to the point of not being able to breathe.

How could I be so niave?

My ringtone plays out over my sobs and Paiges contact flashes on my phone screen, I let it ring out.

Paige calls me another four times before I decide to turn my phone off.

I force myself out of my bed and wipe the tears from my face even though they're still spilling. I grab my car keys and leave the apartment, I knew if Paige couldn't reach me, she'd come here and I don't want to see her.

I climb in my car and begin driving with no destination in mind.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Paige

Waiting for Lily to get home was physically painful. Her phone was off so no calls were going through and she didn't tell her roommates where she was going, all we knew was that she had taken her car.

The thought of Lily driving around confused and probably crying hurt so much and I hated that I had caused that.

"Try not to worry, Paige." Hannah tries to comfort me as I pace their living room. Hannah had been the one to open the door for me when I came frantically looking for Lily, a few hours ago now.

I try not to snap at her but that doesn't exactly work, "How can I not? Anything could have happened and none of us would know." My mind goes to places that I don't want it to but I'm trying to be realistic. I know Lily and the way her brain works so of course I'm worried.

"Hey, you never know, Kelsey may have found her and they could be on their way home right now."

“I told Kelsey to message me if she found her." I lift up my phone, "And nothing."

As if she heard us talking about her, Kelsey walks through the front door, "No luck. I went to all the places she knows and drove around campus, twice." She huffs sitting next to Hannah on the couch as I continue to pace around the room.

"You're making me motion sick Paige, please sit down." Kelsey says.

"I can't. I can't rest until I know Lily's safe." I snap and Kelsey raises her brows as if to say who are you talking to like that?.

"Not to point out the obvious but we would know where Lily was if it wasn't for you." She snaps back.

"You think I don't know that Kelsey? And you think I don't hate myself for it?" I'm shouting now and although this isn't going to make Lily come home any quicker shouting at someone is making me feel slightly better.

"You should have thought about that before kissing your ex!" Kelsey shouts back.

"It wasn't like that. She kissed me and as soon as she did, I pushed her off." I defend myself.

"OK y'all, we are not getting anywhere by shouting at each other. Paige just sit down and Kelsey, hush." Hannah orders both of us and we obey.

I'm not sat down for long before I start pacing again, I can't sit still and just do nothing.

"I'm going to look for her." I announce picking up my keys and phone from the table.

"Where?" Kelsey asks knowing she's exhausted all the place Lily knows in the area.

"I don't know but I'll drive around all night if I have to."

"No one will be driving around all night." A voice says from behind me.

"Lily." I turn around and I'm met with an extremely puffy eyed, red cheeked girl standing in the doorway.

"You need to leave." She says looking at me blankly.

"I want to explain. Please let me explain." I plead as Lily walks into her apartment and straight past me towards her room.

I follow her, "First of all, that voicenote was a mistake-"

"Oh, so if you never accidentally sent that I'd be none the wiser and everyone would think I'm an idiot who's girlfriend kisses their ex!"

"No Lily, I was going to tell you. I was about to text you to come over and I must have accidentally pressed the voicenote button and I was asking Azzi what to say and it just caught the worst part of the conversation." I ramble out.

"Paige, nothing changes the fact that you kissed your ex." She says with a gulp and she looks like she's about to cry again.

"I promise you, I didn't kiss her. She kissed me and I pushed her off straight away and told her to get out."

"Get out of where?"

"My apartment."

"Oh my God. Was it this morning? You practically kicked me out because she was coming over?"

I stay silent because now that Lily is saying it out loud, it sounds bad and I don't want to admit that I did that.

"Paige! Was it this morning? Is that why you wanted me to leave?" She repeats herself.

I nod, "Yes but it wasn't planned. Well, it was..but I don't remember planning it. She must have text me last night while I was drunk and I agreed to talk to her and she text again this morning saying she was on her way and I panicked. I fucked up, I know that Lily."

"I just can't believe you've done this Paige. I trusted you and I feel so stupid right now." Lily says and any anger in her voice has been replaced by sadness.

"You're not stupid Lily. I'm stupid. I'm stupid for not telling you straight away, I'm stupid for even allowing this to happen."

"Yeah. Yeah, you are. But it's already happened now. You already didn't tell me the truth, she already kissed you, that can't be taken back."

"I'm sorry Lily, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Please forgive me, this shit will never happen again, I promise you."

"Don't make promises like that. You don't know what's going to happen in the future."

"I do and I know I'll never hurt you again for as long as I live. You mean everything to me Lily, you're my girlfriend, I love you. I love you so much."

"I can't do this right now Paige. I'm confused. You hurt me but I love you too, I love you a lot. I always lead with my heart rather than my head but maybe that's not for the best because here I am crying," She sobs out, "I came here for a fresh start but this is just...painful."

"Please don't cry." I say softly wanting nothing more than to hold her but as I take steps closer, Lily moves back.

"Do you want me to laugh?" She says, her words dripping in sarcasm.

"You know that's not what I mean. Come here." I say opening my arms and she hesitates but eventually walks over to me and I wrap her in an embrace.

"I'm sorry baby. I really am." I press a kiss to her head as her face is buried in my chest.

I feel her breathe in deeply and exhale, "You need to leave Paige." And she slips out of my grasp refusing to make eye contact.

"Lily, please."

"I'm tired and I have a headache." She says turning from me.

"If you need space, I'll give you space." I say, "But we're not over Lily. I love you too much to lose you."

She stays turned away from me and I wait for a response but it doesn't come so I reluctantly leave.

I walk through the living room and Lilys roommates must be in their bedrooms because it's empty so I let myself out of the apartment.

I'm grateful that I walked here because I need the fresh air, the thought of losing Lily because of my stupidity is suffocating.

I spend the walk home going over everything I said and did in the past twenty four hours wishing I could turn back time.

Nika, Ice and KK are in the living room when I enter my apartment but I just walk straight past them and go in my bedroom and flop onto my bed.

"How did it go?" Nikas voice is cautious as she enters my room.

"Not good." I mummble and I can't stop the tears that roll down my cheeks.

Lily

Asking Paige to leave was hands down one of the most difficult things I've done but I had to do it.

I believed her when she said she was sorry and I believed her when she said she didn't kiss Marianna but that didn't stop it hurting. It didn't stop the feeling of betrayal. It also didn't change the fact that Paige didn't tell me truth from the beginning.

I wouldn't have cared about a stupid drunk text. I also wouldn't have cared about Paige seeing Marianna to talk about things, she deserves closure. I cared about everything happening behind my back. It made me feel stupid. The same type of stupid I felt all those months ago when my relationship was outed and I thought my ex-girlfriend would stay by my side and she never did.

For the first time since moving to Connecticut, I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be in Boston with my best friend so that's why I didn't think twice before packing a bag.

I tell Kelsey, Hannah and Madison that I'm going home for a few days. I need space and I need to think about everything away from campus, away from Paige.

"Promise you'll come back." Kelsey says as I get into my car, my roommates had walked me downstairs to see me off.

"Of course I'll be back." I smile genuinely at the girls that I've grown so close to.

"Drive safe Lils." Hannah says as I buckle myself in.

"We love you." Madison blows a kiss as I start my car.

"I love you guys." I wave goodbye to my roommates and begin the long drive back home.

I connect my phone to the aux and Paiges playlist starts playing automatically and I can't bring myself to change it and when the tears start to pour, I can't bring myself to stop that either.

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