#now THAT would be a birthday gift to myself

[oonajaeadira]

Patricio Keeps a Journal, Pt. 1: Winter

Good. Things. Take. Time. is a series that grew out of prompts–the whisper of a character, the asks of readers. And now, to get myself back into PATS’s head, the prompts are coming from @fanfticionoverload’s Seasons of Life challenge.

What you’re about to read are some excerpts from Patricio’s journal. Heads up they probably won't make much sense if you haven't read the ongoing series.

Each excerpt is just that–snippets that pertain to the story, taken from his presumed wider journal, each notated where it lands in the series and follows the chronology of the series.

The rules of the challenge ask for 250 words per prompt. I thought it would be a little less forced if I didn’t worry so much about that, so some may fall short of that number. And I’ll say that these aren’t heavily edited nor are they anything other than basic reactions, precisely because I wanted them to feel like the unfiltered thoughts one writes in a journal.

Let’s say that it was Shell’s orders for him to keep a journal in the first place. If his practice is his way of dealing with his demons, if he’s not going to go to traditional therapy, then “the least you can do is just offload before bed, and not the kind of offloading you do with your dick. I’m not gonna read it, but I’ll want to see words on those pages. Write a fucking play for all I care, write a manifesto about your love of pasta, I don’t give a shit what. Just write.”

I don’t have anything to write. I’m not a fucking poet. Shell says use the pen, get the words out of your head, just write anything. Anything. Anything. Tables have turned. Now I’m the one practicing letting it all out. Trying not to think too hard.  Anything.

EXCERPT 1: SNOW

TIMELINE: a few days before Good. Things. Take. Time.

…

#39 gifted me four tickets to the game at her last session. It’s Neils’ birthday. I’ll surprise him and Dan with a guy’s night out.

Got a new client coming in on Thursday. #48. I wasn’t going to approve her. Nothing in her application hints at any lingering trauma that she can’t just get treated at a legit clinic. But Shell was pushy about this one. She's got a knack for these things and hasn’t been wrong yet. Official referral diagnosis: pain is psychological tension from a recent(?) divorce. I guess it’s worth a shot. If nothing else, divorcees are usually just in need of a good fuck so it’s an easy fix. Good photo. I like her style. She’s going to make pretty faces.

Thinking about taking some time off after that. Rare confluence of three clients ending their run at the same time, it’s slow season at the office and the guys can handle a week without me, I should get out of town. Someplace quiet. Or fuck, I don’t know, someplace distracting where I can get out of my head. Maybe I should book a massage. Look at me, I’m hilarious. Who massages the masseuse? I’ll have Shell find me something. Keep it interesting. Place yer bets: seedy and cheap or golden toilets and happy endings? As long as it’s somewhere warm.

Renee posted the pictures from her honeymoon. Skiing in the Alps. She always used to hate the snow. Guess people change. Change can be a good thing. 

She’s better off. 

___

EXCERPT 2: SCARF

TIMELINE: The night of Good. Things. Take. Time.

…

Shell hit the jackpot on this one. Perfect plaything. She’s like I custom ordered a client. Recurring cluster knots all down her starboard teres major, needs a hand getting in under the port shoulder blade…can’t do it alone. Needs my hands. She needs me. Follows directions, trusts completely. Has a good imagination. That will open up more in time. I expect a challenge out of this one. Surprised the shit out of me with the beautiful thing though. Maybe shouldn’t have let her have that. Maybe shouldn’t have gone down on her. It’s fine. She’s clean. Tastes good smells good ass for days. I can get a good handful. Everywhere.

And perfect inside. Tight but not too tight, good control with the right assistance, takes direction like a dream. I’ll be able to get her to sing if she keeps listening. Mierda, her skin. My hands want to eat it. Oil it up and map it out and scarf it down. Her muscle structure is    -just-    amazing. I haven’t been this amped in months. This one hits the spot.

Giving her Thursday across the board might have come off too eager. Well, if that didn’t, offering up extra days on call probably did. Jackass.

Not gonna worry about that tonight. Bowling with the guys tomorrow night. Hope they’re ready to eat their damn balls. I’m fucking invincible.

She called me beautiful. She’s [sentence scratched out] 

Forgot to note in her file–she said she hasn’t had anyone make her come in over a year even though info says she’s only been divorced a few months. What kind of an asshole just walks away from that her? How could anyone share a bed or a house or anything with that and resist for a year? She deserves to get fucked every day. Why wouldn’t you want someone that just falls into you so willingly and fucks so pretty? Great. Now I’m angry. Not my concern. Just my gain.

___

EXCERPT 3: COZY 

TIMELINE: weekend evening, after installment #2, relieving period cramps

…

Keep thinking about Thursday. It’s not about the blood. It is and it isn’t. It’s obviously that she needed relief. It’s good to see her trusting. That can be tricky for some women. Beaten into them that they have to hide what their body does. It’s a body. It’s a unique mechanism. It has shit and blood and needs a good release now and then. Or every day for some people...another truth for some of us that the world wants hidden away.

The blood’s messy. It’s primal. It’s brutal and nobody blinks an eye if it comes from a punch to the face or a slice of the thumb. But the minute it comes from the minute it shows you what  a woman’s body is capable of… But it’s also the harshness of the color, a signal that if there’s pain then it’s real. It’s a helpful focus.

She just LETS me. There's beauty in that pliability. She trusts, she follows, she heals. The way her face just relaxes when the knots are gone. It’s almost as good as the orgasm itself. Beautiful.

Got her all warmed up in the bath, all cozy in bed. Fell asleep like a worn-out kitten and I had an urge to kiss her forehead. Poor thing just needed it today. Successful session.

___

EXCERPT 4: FIREPLACE 

TIMELINE: a couple of weeks later, evening, after installment #3, the treatment for migraine and anxiety AND includes this six sentence ficlet

…

Well shit. There’s a coincidence. She wouldn’t believe me if I told her.

Thursday came in tonight tight as a screw, migraine a good 7 or 8. I had to take it slow. Asked her to focus on some bright spots in her life, like her favorite things. I might have guessed the animals and reading, but the fanfiction was a surprise. Cute. It was best not to talk about what was causing the stress because

Her family coming to stay.

Fuck if I don’t sympathize. 

Mama got here two days ago and all she can do is complain about her hotel and American food and how everyone speaks too fast for her to keep up. It’s cold here. The hotel should have a fireplace. Why don’t you take time off Patricio? You have an extra bedroom, why can’t your mama sleep there?

I love her. But I get it. There are just some boundaries that are hard. I get you, Thursday.

Preciosa.

Fucked her five ways til Sunday. She fucked ME five ways till Sunday.. She drew blood. Didn’t even care. Mark me up, girl. Glad I could help, but damn that might have been more mutually beneficial than I’d originally planned.

___

EXCERPT 5: HOT CHOCOLATE 

TIMELINE: night of installment #4, with the undergarment ripping and the thigh-highs

…

I didn’t expect to get to play this much. I’m usually so focused on the pain and making sure the client can come in their condition that there’s not a lot of room for fun and surprises. I got to take Shell out last weekend and might have bought her too many beers and pull-tabs. It took her about three bottles to get profound. She wants to know who "therapies the therapist" and told me I should remember that it’s okay to put my own priorities first sometime. She said that people in the industry of care need to be taken care of too. She said it’s okay to have a client that gives as good as she gets. Then she went home and threw up and texted me the next day that she’s drinking nothing but hot chocolate from now on. Haha

Shit. Thursday feels good when she walks out of here. She looks like a million bucks. I did that. I DO that. THAT’s what I need. So yeah. Why shouldn’t I enjoy that? Cute tonight. She wanted me to rip her panties. All she had to do was ask, but I think she was embarrassed to?

So the new diagnosis is lack of confidence and the treatment is for her to speak up for what she wants. We’re going to get her to a place where she can ask–or demand what she needs. We’ll work on her trusting that I’ll give her anything she wants–anything. 

She’ll be able to walk out of here and conquer the world when I’m done with her.

___

EXCERPT 6: FREEZING 

TIMELINE: a couple of weeks after the previous entry

...

[….] and Niels can go to hell though because I don’t care how low key it is or how good the whiskey is, I’m not giving up my Thursdays to fill in the hole in his poker night. His basement is freezing and I have warmer places to be.

Although speaking of, Thursday canceled again. It’s been a couple of weeks. Crunch time at work for her I guess. Her portal messages seem pretty stressed. She’s apologetic about missing sessions. I can tell her she doesn’t need to apologize, I’m getting paid whether she shows or not. And honestly, it just means we’re going to have to work that much harder to get her malleable again and I can hardly complain about that. A build up’s a hell of a thing. As long as she doesn’t mess up her rhombs again. We were just making headway on that. I should ask her about her desk chair.

But I’d be lying if I said that I gave a shit about the pay. I’m allowed to enjoy my clients and be disappointed when I don’t get to see them.

At least Jean’s back on Friday. It will be nice to see her again. Now that her latest surgery’s all healed up, we can find her some good positions for her to take home. I know her partner’s skittish about the discovery phase. But she’s almost done and when the reconstruction’s over, he’ll thank me for it. He SHOULD thank me for it, she’s got a good laugh and good tits.

Jean’s a perfect example of learning to speak up for herself. I can do the same for Preciosa. Lucky for her she doesn’t have Jean’s level of pain to work through. But she’s gotta show. up. for. it. Come on, girl. I got you.

___

EXCERPT 7: MARSHMALLOW

TIMELINE: directly after installment #5, all pent up and feral

…

Now THAT. Was a successful fuck. We’re making headway here. Little slapping, little biting, she got a good few hair yanks in there. She’s learning that not only am I not a marshmallow…neither is she. Good girl. Pretty high praise response, but she’s also got a little fight in her. She’s a switch and doesn’t even know it. She will. 

There were some real emotions tonight, real anger, real tears. But when she let go I nearly wept myself. It was beautiful. She’s working too hard and she knows it. But she also knows I’ve got her when she does. Hopefully that will preempt some of the stress next time. Not even upset about that shoulder blade. We’ll just start from the beginning on that.

[....]

Just reminded me of Renee nagging about working too hard. I just remembered that I had a dream about her a few nights ago. Not really about her. She was in the background somewhere and not even angry that I didn’t stop to say hello. Then she picked up her purse and left. The light kind of shifted like, I don’t know. Felt like it was the last time I’d see her. Not in a bad way. 

It’s good. Like a door really closing.

Maybe I do work too hard. But I like it. It’s who I am. It’s my choice.

____

PATS in winter by @d4rm4nd4

SERIES MASTERLIST

[glitterfairy-21225]

I definitely prefer Team Rational bc it's so crazy to think that everything they were driven to do was caused by group think getting way out of hand, and the majority of what happened was actually preventable. But also, I feel like there are so many things that wouldn't make sense as coincidences, like Travis seeing the tree stump during his panic attack or Lottie seeing the sick deer before it was hunted. So I guess I want it to be mostly mass hysteria with a few supernatural elements (but like, a lot less than the characters seem.)

Shauna in both timelines lol. I've never seen a character quite like her. Her descent from a flawed but normal teenage girl into the deranged character we have is my favorite character arc of the entire show. She's full of contradictions. She loves Jackie. She hates Jackie. She's the most kind to Javi. She beat Lottie close to death. She's just a housewife. She's a murderer. She's the sidekick. She survived and Jackie didn't. She’s riddled with guilt. Everything is someone else’s fault.

I'm not even sure this counts, but when Lottie says "Let the darkness set us free" and the score starts playing. I also love the use of Seventeen in the season 2 premiere.

Would yall kill me if I said I love Jackieshauna and Travnat equally. I also love Adult Mistynat, and I'm excited to see Misty develop an obsession for Nat in the past, though I don't see as much chemistry between Sammi and Sophie as Christina and Juliette have.

Sic Transit Gloria Mundi. I think every scene in that episode is a banger. Everything from the reunion, the bear scene, the Jackieshauna fight, Simone finding Biscuit, the Lottie reveal. And those are just my favorite parts.

Natalie for sure. I think it’s such a fascinating turn for the character. Bc when we meet her in s1, she’s very much an outsider despite being very important to the group. But in s2, the viewer starts to realize that this is a good thing bc while Tai and Shauna are sceptics, Nat’s the only one actually trying to wake everyone up. And that’s why I love that she’s made leader at the end of s2, (there’s sm I could say about that scene, from Nat’s grin to Ben’s reaction, but I’ll stay focused). Bc if Nat is the AQ, then the Wilderness’ biggest challenger becomes its biggest symbol. And I think this change is going to be motivated by the acceptance and importance she feels (which she never felt before) from this position, but she’ll risk losing it in s3 bc she’s still holding onto her morals, and she’ll ultimately have to choose. This also makes the guilt Adult Natalie feels so much more tragic.

I’ve rewatched the Jackieshauna fight and Jackie’s death scene so many times. Sophie Nelisse is one of a kind. I also fucking love the bacchanal feast.

Unfortunately, I’m now a Hillary Swank is Melissa truther and I will be until proven wrong. I get so attached to the most random characters lol. I also like the theory that she’s actually Melissa sister though. I’ll take this a step further and say that I hope Shauna is confirmed sapphic and has a toxic, Jackie-centered fling with her (I’d prefer this storyline with Lottie but Melissa works too).

My friend didn’t get me a birthday present despite saying she would (and it was just gonna be chocolate), but instead she got her crush a really thoughtful present even though her birthday was a month later and she didn’t even like my friend back. And I thought about how to talk to her about this, but instead I decided to eat all the edibles my brother gifted me myself even though I said I would share them with her. So, all this to say Shauna. I also look like her a lot.

Um... I once threw up on my carpet bc I drank too much cherry juice during a rewatch. The stain's still here.

I guess that I like Walter. I mean, he's far from my favorite character but he's okay. I get that most of the hate stems from how many unnecessary male characters are in the adult timeline, plus him resolving the cop storyline for Shauna was... weird. But he was funny and I'm never gonna complain about two absolutely insane ppl matching each other's freak. Obviously, Mistynat is vastly superior but if she marries Walter or whatever, I'll be fine with it because I know their wedding's gonna be absolute chaos. Also, the Caligula musical number is enough to justify his existence to me.

No pressure tags! @javiimartinez @missmillicentalyssa @mantiswitch @imsososolesbian @antlerqeen @moonagedaydreamsofrhiannon @hellhouse-of-horrors @justme-andmyfandomfeels @heartz4shauna

Starting a Yellowjackets tag!

I want to get my mind off of things so: If you want, answer any or all of the questions below and tag 10 people (or however many you want) who also might want to share! I would love to see what you guys have to say!

1. Are you team Rational or Supernatural?

2. Who is your favorite teen timeline character? Favorite adult timeline character?

3. What is your favorite needledrop?

4. What is your favorite ship?

5. What is your favorite episode?

6. Who do you want the Antler Queen to be?

7. What is your favorite scene in the entire series?

8. A theory or prediction you have about Season 3?

9. Which character do you relate to the most, and why?

10. What is the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of Yellowjackets?

Bonus:

11. What’s your most controversial Yellowjackets take?

—

Here’s mine!

1. I am mostly Team Rational because I love the way this show depicts trauma but I also love seeing the supernatural side of things through the survivors’ eyes if that makes sense.

2. Natalie in the teen timeline because I love her compassion and softness underneath the front she puts on. Lottie in the adult timeline because I love her internal battle with herself and how afraid she is of her own mind. Misty is a close second in the adult timeline!

3. “Cornflake Girl” playing while Nat sees the mossy tree for the first time, Callie seeing the Adam Martin driver’s license in the barbecue, and Shauna eating Jackie’s ear. It just goes so perfectly with everything that’s going on (especially the elevated piano while Nat and Travis are scaling the mountain and the lyrics while Shauna takes the bite!)

4. LottieNat is my favorite ship I can’t help it Nat and Lottie are my favorite characters so having them together is a dream (TaiVan, JackieShauna, and TravNat are up there, too).

5. 1x09 “Doomcoming” is just amazing and captures everything I love about Yellowjackets. I love when they let the girls go batshit crazy, hoping we get more Doomcoming vibes in S3.

6. I want the Antler Queen to be Natalie because that would show a true descent for her in the Wilderness from being the most morally grounded one to the leader of the group at their most unhinged and primal. But honestly I think that Shauna might be the AQ after all…

7. I think the Jackie-eating scene is the best in the entire show. The “Climbing Up the Walls” song choice, the bacchanal feast flashes as a way of coping with the horror of what they’re doing, seeing them go fully feral for the first time, it’s such a well crafted scene.

8. I know this probably won’t happen but I’m just going to throw it out there that Cabin Daughter is alive and she will be revealed to have been Javi’s “friend”!

9. I relate to Shauna the most because I also admittedly have a bit of an obsessive/intense personality and I, too, internalize my emotions to a very unhealthy degree sometimes. I also grew up being in love with my childhood best friend who is very, very much like Jackie (and now we have been dating for 7 years!)

10. Mine is a mix of going to a Yellowjackets panel and sitting like 5 feet from the showrunners, doing everything in my power to score early screening tickets to Heretic and Companion, and pretending I was sick so I could go home early from work the day that the S3 trailer came out.

11. The male characters on this show get too much hate🫢 I like Travis, Jeff, Kevyn, and Walter (even though his introduction and storyline are rushed and forced). I don’t like them more than the female characters, but I like them nevertheless and appreciate their contributions to the plot.

No pressure tags! (I’m tagging 15 bc I feel like it) @before-it-felt-like-a-sin @baked-potatoes-rule @jackiesnats @deerest-deer @whodoesnataliehave @stilllsage @fairytwles @glitterfairy-21225 @lesbianforlottie @tr4vnat @lauraleetaylor @cassioo @natsboygirlfriend @soapyjackets @pinkkkkat @natgf123 +literally anyone else who wants to!

[shoutsindwarvish]

it’s my birthday!!! i’m 31 🥳

going to partly use my day-off today to go to the credit union during business hours and finally get a debit card (after the one they sent got lost in the mail) so i can finally use an atm again

have i reached full adult? maybe, but the best birthday present i can give myself is cash 🤑

[callmemerry00]

I just think that his suspenders and stupid mop hair are neat

[teeth--king]

Why, do I want this combo of build a bear and outfit... the fact that they have a cougar for their valentines day adult drop, I'm dead and in love with them.

[solusminds]

[sysig]

New toys ✨ (Patreon)

[kuromi-hoemie]

i got both ☝🏾😤 i accept the call to be a bass and guitar girlie once more. i had an ideal budget and then a limit and i am pleased i got the accessories n everything for only $40 more than was ideal 😌 they ended up having some good sales.

finally... I've been going back n forth on whether i wanted to play bass again or not for at least 2 years. yessss i love this for me ♡⁠ instrumence...

[buttercatrho]

Gift drawing for @freebeehoneytumbles birth which I forgot to post

[crenna]

i ordered so many things from flowerknows and they’re so pretty and i’m so excited!!! i’ve been dreaming of them for over a year now

[fleastinger]

[dhampir-dyke]

I'm think im officially quitting my position on this stupid fucking unit. I'm going to the pool and making 5 bucks extra for half the work, fuck em.

[todayisafridaynight]

I hate linking videos for whatever reason but the submission box will only let me embed one so. Guess I'll Die. BUT ANYWAY. You can see what I'm talking about here and here (also hiiiii Nakai, Iura, and Terajima) but I think Jo should have Tsutsumi's nervous tics like rubbing his lip and blinking fast :) I think it would be cute :) moe even :) though he doesn't have much to be nervous about :) but I mean once in a blue moon y'know :) OK that's all bye

[first video]

[second video]

OH BUT WAAAAAIT WAVELENGTH i always did imagine jo having a nervous-blinking type of tendency i am AHEAD of you brother (╯▽╰ )(╯▽╰ )

[sunmisbf]

[disjenyamembra]

YAY!!! Finally rid off all of my cursed objects!!

[girlivealwaysbean]

wow when i think about it maybe this year wasn't that bad