#now I just have to connect those scenes
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Me with every fic I write
#I have all the good scenes line up#And they are so fucking good#in my head anyway#now I just have to connect those scenes#which is a real shame#when they are scattered all throughout the timeline and held there with thumbtacks
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I’m sorry but nothing will ever beat Finn’s drive playlist that he made during s3 filming, with songs like Me and Michael, The Basement, Gay Thoughts and No Woman lmaoooo
#byler#stranger things#in all seriousness#finn has already confirmed he listens to music on the way to set to get in the zone for his character#millie and noah have said when asked that he’s the cast-member most likely to be listening to music on set#do I think every song on there is byler-coded? no#do I think he made it specifically for byler fans to witness and read into? no#but i do think there is a middle ground here#since byler is happening... yeah there are gonna be songs that get him in the zone for byler scenes#and yet there are also probably gonna be songs that he likes rn and wants to use to feel inspo for filming in general#aka plenty of songs just there for the way they sound/the vibes that get him more comfortable getting into character#but then again he also could have made the playlist private to avoid people reading into it#he’s known for years people have seen his playlists and hasn’t made those private either#so I don’t think he cares if ppl read into it#(at least for now...)#but fr that drive playlist still haunts me to this day#i remember when he mentioned listening to music to get in the zone for filming#he specifically mentioned that he listened to it when driving to set and ppl went crazy connecting it to his drive playlist lol#so i mean who knows#maybe he makes the names confusing/random but also sometimes with a hint of truth bc he knows people are gonna deny it or read into it#and he's playing with that possiblity#but i wouldn't die on that hill by any means.#but the drive playlist is why idrc if people read into the STurn one bc i mean....#yeah those songs that sound eerily like mike's emotions in regards to will probably are that way for a reason
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things that are hard to find: writing advice that isn't condescending.
#ambie.txt#I've been really thinking about this story in my head and wondering what caused me to get burned out from writing#and realising it's all the formal bits. planning an outline organising things into a timeline. I'm more of an impulse writer#and having to think about all those dry and formal things makes me quit before I even start#this is my autism but I hate having to stop and figure out all this before I write because that way I won't write at all#ever since I started free writing I discovered that I still love writing. I love it so much#but I hate doing all of the other things because they are not my special interest and they keep me from pursuing my special interest#it's just very hard to find writing advice that isn't condescending in this aspect#people stressing out you need an outline first are very common unfortunately#I'm more of a vibes no plot person and like to just discribe the vibes in vivid detail#before worrying about the plot too much. and yes in a story there had to be a plot#but if worrying about the plot and connecting all the scenes is killing my creativity#I want to just go from details first and bigger picture later#again. autism. also writing dialogue is the worst. idk how people talk. I don't understand body language etc etc#I have written some pretty good dialogue before so I know I'm capable. it just really sucks when I have to scrutinise everything#and think “would people say this? do they talk like that?” its draining#so I was thinking about writing dialogue separately. maybe write it as a script for a play#which is essentially just dialogue. and then match it with the scene descriptions I have written#like. I know I'm a good writer. I very good one. but the way I have been writing so far has burned me out#because it was too much focused on all the boring bits and not enough on the freedom and joy of just writing#which is why I love free writing. it allows me to focus on a few tiny details and then develop them into something bigger#also I hate writing on a computer so I got some notebooks so I can write on paper instead#it's where I'm most creative I've found#anyway this all just to say that I think following writing advice is not for me at least not now when I'm rediscovering my passion#and that I need to trust myself more and do things that make me happy#so um yeah. best writing advice is to just write and worry about it later
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Rank 52: The final duel!!
#I don't even know how to start in saying how much this scene hurt me. I don't even know if I can express what I'm feeling with words#because all I can think right now is how much I love Astral and how much he breaks my heart#he was born from hopes and he was given a mission that would protect the hopes and futures of his world (and all other worlds probably)#at the cost of his own existence#but that wouldn't have hurt because he wasn't created for feeling anything#He would have complete his mission with no regrets with no past with nothing to miss#just a little light of hope that would have defeated E'Rah sacrificing himself without leaving anything behind#and then he met Yuma#he started to know Yuma and his friends and adversaries and what emotions were#and the hollow hope become a person#a person who felt happiness fear love a person who now had a story and people who he would miss#and he still decided to carry on his mission because that would have protected what he now holds dear#those new emotions those connections were the key to beat E'Rah but were also what made him understand how tragic his fate was#but he didn't regret any of that#because it was Yuma and his friends and the emotions that they had made him feel that made his brief life worth living#(sometimes I forget that in the manga Astral was probably sent to Earth soon after he was created. That “brief life” is heart-breaking)#and Yuma asking him if he was okay with that and if he wasn't scared#and Astral saying that he wasn't given any means to feel such terror but he was now scared#and yet he found that fear wonderful because that means he was alive#all those emotions were what made him truly alive#not a tool not a hollow hope but a real person who still decided to sacrifice himself for protecting everyone#astral zexal#astral yu gi oh#yuma tsukumo#yu gi oh zexal#zexal#yugioh zexal#zexal manga#Zexal manga spoiler#ygo zexal
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...because any moment may be our last. everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
#looking through my drafts and seeing this post unfinished and knowing in my core I'll probably never actually finish it .#but strangley enough i don't hate the way it looks with only those 2 panels ? beauty in simplicity or something idk#woe unfinished post be upon ye#honestly probably wouldnt even bother posting it were it not for the fact i was hit by a sudden wave of sadness#by being reminded out of the blue that alex really does just . lose nigel that night#enough deep level analysis my brain is all out i think . but just the simple fact that nigel dies that night#and alex has to go on for the rest of his life post-ending carrying that grief and loss with him#i know we talk about how nigel isn't truly 'gone' in the sense that they're one now and jack is supposed to be an amalgamation of the two#a product of their union and 'consummation' that night at the yard#but he's still gone . no matter how much alex might try and follow in nigel's footsteps#no matter how hard alex tries to tread that same path nigel did to feel close to him#he's gone . they will never have that moment beneath the house ever again . and alex has to go on living with that#anyway . normal again . imagine dropping a song rec like i used to. aha . go listen to sick like me by in this moment.#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#nigel colbie x alex forbes#edit : THEY'LL NEVER HAVE THE MOMENT UNDER THE HOUSE AGAIN !!!!!#thinking about the moment where nigel sits across from alex after he shoots john#and the contrast to the scene in the crawlspace . nigel is trying to connect he is trying to get alex to see to understand#but now alex is closed off. something may be irreparable broken between them#do you think it was the moment where nigel starts to despair . to plead . realise that he needs to find a way to make alex truly see#i need to get some sleep
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back on my zelda thoughts
idk about you but i got sick of zelda running after people with big sorrowful puppy eyes begging them to listen to her(they wont) or to help link in totk pretty fast
#ganondoodles talks#totk spoilers#i just can stop thinking about how dirty she got done#she can be a tragic character without being constantly sad and scared#dare i say she contributed more positive to the game when she was a dragon#the only scenes she didnt look super sad was pretty much when talking about link at the teacup memory bc .. you know she actually knows him#and where shes essentially forced to decide to half kill herself in order to do literally anything for her own time#now that im thinking about it how the heck did anything on the tutorial even work with her giving her powers to you#and you sending the master sword to her#just feels like they scrambled to somehow get you her pwoers and the mastersword to her#some random bubbles of time magic idk lol#if the game went different#wouldnt it have been cool if those had been caused by zelda learning how to reastablish a connection to her own time#creating those weird time bubbles#and through the course of the game you find more and they let you interact with her more and more as shes learning how to use her powers#until at some point she finds a way to return herself#maybe even her spirit as a companion for a time before she gains control of it further#you know so she can actually at least TALK to you#giving her time powers out of nowehre and then not doing anything with it exept send her back in time somehow and time reverse a dagger#like what#wouldnt it just have made more sense when at first she did it unknowningly and then learned how to use it herself#and then .... well travel back again#ham fisted way to introduce a neat lil game gimmick i guess#and nothing more bc how dare she do anything on her own except .. sacrifice herself lol#i guess its meant ot be uwu tragic bc sonia got fridged too quickly for zelda to learn from her or whatever#which is why i said she learns on her own#idk man this game is driving me nuts
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argh. This comic writing is taking me way longer than usual. I keep editing things and it doesn’t feel right.
#wip#i think I finally got it#The issue is usually plots come to me formed yk#But for this one#I did have a plot but it was more related to Chil having a v bad experience and Mei hearing about it and then him telling her#Not to go thru with her plans to become involved with adventures in a sort of threatening way#So I had that all sketched out and then randomly I decided I wanted more drama#so initially I extended it and had it be that maybe she tried to hug him or something but he reacted Badly bc of his aforementioned shit#But I didn’t like that and it felt jarring and sort of…over dramatic. Too much.#So then I got rid of that. And then I was like well maybe he and Mei should actually have a conversation about it#Like he brings it up#So I wrote that and I had him get really mad at her and let that sit around for a minute bc uh-oh there’s another problem#Seee the issue with doimg multiple rewrites of something is suddenly the part that was initially meant to be the focus. Is not important#Anymore and is actually distracting from the main point#So OK I delete all that and rewrite that to make it less distracting#Still keep the important buildup in that scene but focus on Mei more bc this is a comic that’s from her pov#Ok ok yeah. I like that. But THEN#UH OH NEW PROBLEM. ! Remember that He gets really mad scene? The one I let sit to go worry about the middle section#Well. Haha. I read the whole comic back again to check for flow and shit#Get to the end#WOW ITS OUT OF CHARACTER AND JARRING. He’s not mean or anything I just don’t think he’d yell in that sort of emotional way?#I got so lost in the sauce I forgot to write good#So now I’m stuck. It’s so out of character so obviously I get rid of that problem.#Change it so he does still yell but less and also differently. and also now Mei gets to be pissed tf off#and tied it into several previous comics since I like things to be connected to each other#I think?? I think I’m happy with it now…but Jesus Christ#I don’t usually have to do Any rewrites#And the number of other comics I want to do is piling up so I take breaks to sketch those out for later#Then return. To my undoing.
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afternoon ponderings
#my art#Ace Attorney#Gregory Edgeworth#Manfred von Karma#blueberrypancakes#for my brain to be able to see any sort of romance I have to just. Draw them in situations. Put those lawyers in a situation.#Plantonic and/or silly situations but situations nonetheless ! Anyways—#ok small ramblings time w/ headcanons#von karma paces to help him think- despite his leg- and tends to talk himself through things that happened (based on evidence and testimony#edgeworth switches between bouncing his leg and flipping through books unseeing trying to connect dots without 100% thinking about it--#letting it sit in his head as he turns it about subconsciously. most times it works- sometimes he just Has to talk through it with someone#and that someone is the one pacing due to his own case at the moment; and so! they talk. case talk small talk. talk!#they aren’t on the same case 4 this art— they’ve have been pinging ideas off each other and complaining about various things for hours now#bc if they were on the Same case they would NOT be this close in proximity except on the crime scene.#absolutely FIENDISHLY protective of their respective evidence. it's a game it's a dance it's a fight and gregory won't stop until he wins#and even then he would never stop; however they aren't on the same case so! they hang out and chat like civilized people. and argue (aff)#rea rambles in the tags#rea’s trash
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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okay I’m annoying yk that and I know that.
I love to see what non bkdk shippers think will happen with the manga, bc this way I can learn and see things outside of my special interest for the chapters. And I was reading some interpretations of Ochako being weird in 425.
Some people are right here expecting izuku to go and support her. Some people saw him being this sad, yet only could think about him worrying about Ochako’s feelings over her fight, not Izuku’s fight. they think this will lead to a beautiful confession, in which she cries how she couldn’t save himiko, that izuku noticed, and that he’ll call her his hero and they’ll kiss. And I can’t help but feel like this is bc he is the boy. Because he is the boy in that ship, he is the one that supports, not gets supported. When I was reading those little scenarios, I thought they would explain deku would cry with her about his own fight and bond over it, or something like that. But no… they believe deku’s strange reactions come from being worried over Ochako only. and it’s so sad, to see how gender expectations are being pushed like that in something as simple as a “what I want to happen in the manga” scenario. It’s sad how people think this is how it should work, when actually that would make me even sadder -as I said, for the most part I didn’t care about that ship, I accepted it as inevitable, but this isn’t fair. Romance irl is not perfect, but in a story for this to be a resolution when the character who hasn’t talked about his feeling keeps not talking about them and just supports her before confessing…
Even hetero relationships should have some balance, right?
EDIT:
someone brought up bkdk lmao. They explained how the confession from ochako could get answered: happy ending is izuku loving her back, bad ending is him saying he likes katsuki, and medium ending him liking mei. I can’t even lmao.
another person argued deli just has shown a brotherly bond with him (weird) and that he only thought of him at that dinner with the Im too blessed, and the last time he followed him was in season 1. people need to learn how to read, and connect the dots, literally. No matter how you see their relationship in canon as platonic or romantic (or queer platonic), it’s clear their bond is strong and that Izuku depends on katsuki as much as katsuki depends on izuku on emotional levels -izuku losing control over and over and over again with him, AFO explaining he is the closest to midoriya, katsuki going towards him no matter how injured he is, looking for each other and the time stops, etc.
this is just canon. There’s no arguing about it. Idk why intimate bonds between two male characters means they are like brothers. Is it bc if they are not related, there’s no way to not see it as gay?/gen but also /s
#grrr talking#I want to make another post about the ways Izu//ocha could have been developed easily#Like extremely easily#What was the reason to give the thing that was supposed to connect ochako to deku#To himiko and ochako#What was the reason to also make that connection an all might keychain which doesn’t hold any weight for her bc she’s not a huge am fan#Why having himiko grab that symbol they now share and cover it completely with her hand#Why not giving izuku another physical symbol of her#Why bringing up the childhood cards instead when we almost knew nothing about them#Why have them be explicitly connected to each other thru a dream they have to share together for it to be worth it#For bkdk to become friends again they didn’t need all of this#You don’t need to share your life n be connected to someone in order to become friends again#Or to atone for the bullying#They could have been shown working to be friends ever since the apology#And have small moments of them trying to just be that#And focus those big efforts into izu////ocha scenes#But no#we get this shit#Wtf#the contrast between Izuku reuniting with Katsuki vs with Ochako is a lot#N it could have been more implied the romance!#Like have him be surprised instead of just sad -it would show he notices she is acting weird n gets worried bc of it#Or have ochako show a bittersweet face like saying pls deku kun don’t make me say it now#So many options and yet#They don’t get disappointed bc it’s a het ship n they believe that makes it canon#JUST LIKE WITH FUCKING TODO///MOMO LIKE ITS CUTE IDC BUT HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT MAKES SENSE FOR CANON#No problem with these fanon ships bUT WHEN THEY ACT LIKE THEY ARE REAL N THE REST R “DELUSIONAL”
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i don't want to reblog the fic Again but im just spinning shb corishtola in my brain SO fast these past few weeks
#shtola reaching out to cori at the last minute bc she cant let them go into battle without saying SOMETHING#and showing how much she cares. even if its not Those words. not letting cori keep themself apart from her. im gonna cry again alksdfhklds#also i need to design a lightwarden cori but idk that's not my forte really i just think they would have a gun#like statice. lol#i need a text post tag#also think i may have a real opening scene planned for island fic now its been spinning in my brain also bc it's connected#im like the pepe silvia meme rn#but i dont have time to write tonight i gotta catch up on wip wednesdays and also read a bit of priory#bc i WILL finish it before march
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the mnt pass song in baldurs gate is on..........time to focus
#thats me focusing btw#this song is so good................i will write so much to this song..................#i swear i have maybe 10 or less scenes i need to write to connect the end of standstill with the bits i've rewritten over the past 3 months#it is craaaazy how much i ended up rewriting and how QUICKLY i rewrote it too like wtf... who am i#like the meat is still there it just feels meatier now. it's weird to see ur own creation coming together you know!!#when it feels like you have a better understanding on what it is you're creating idk that's cool!#for this project i have been practicing my pacing/tone and i have tried really hard to make the things i include seem intentional#bc i think those are things i struggle with the most. it's been fun to see improvement in those areas!! all bc of a sims story no less lol
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someone edited charlie spring to lykke li’s song possibility and i feel like pulling my heart out
#you dont understand what that song means to me#how when it played in theaters over bella swans depressive stare#was a literal embodiment of me after my dad died#like i remember reading the book and not understanding bella when she said she felt like she had a hole in her chesf#and i was thinking how did that feel like if your hearts still beating?#like i cannot phantom it#then my dad died#and i watched the new moon movie and and fhat scene and i finally made that connection abt how i was feeling after he was gone#this is what it feels to have a hole in your chest#so the song and scene is huge to me cause it literally represented me#and its the way me and my dad planned to watch the movie together cause he was the reason i liked twilight in the first place#he bought me the twilight dvd cause his work friend said girls are liking this now#so i watched it reluctantly and fell in love and yeah#so to have a fav character of mine to this song agaib#just brings me back to those moments#heartstopper#joe locke#anyways sorry for ranting#charlie spring
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also to go "wow this is just like in pentiment" about absolutely anything and/or "wow this is just like iphigenia crash land falls on the neon shell that was once her heart (a rave fable)" about absolutely anything further:
the Narratives within crash land falls where like, in the end iphigenia being Given the story of both "this is going to happen anyways" and "so why don't you see it as a noble sacrifice to accept." the situation happening to Create a story that she was killed, so her father must be tragic, and sympathetic. that iphigenia does take on that Narrative of taking on the Noble Willing Sacrifice, and it kills her, but she also would have been killed anyways, as everyone also knows. that we even get a bit of pentimentesque [other characters observe & assess things] like, the fresa girls as a chorus, and one at the end like yeah She Was No Saint, i saw everything, but being cut off by The News that's like yeah looks like iphigenia was killed, that seguing into her father saying yeah she was killed, god's will was done, She's A Saint now. seguing to the emcee who introduced the play, but that superceded by achilles, and that superceded with iphigenia's extasis monologue as the end of the play. that whether iphigenia's a saint or not, she dies. that [the whole play] tells us as much, like, this isn't a What If kind of retelling where she escapes her fate, this is a retelling examining itself like, she Will die because the story's preset, so what to do with this as the story that has to take her there, what to do with this as iphigenia who has to go there
that iphigenia takes on another narrative in addition to the one offered by like, violeta as guide and oracle telling her she has to die (As A Noble Sacrifice), that again (as per iphigenia in aulis being like uh hey daughter. let's go to aulis so you can uh marry achilles (it is to be sacrificed)) achilles is this bait, but it's only in the ending that there's any Story about being with achilles, and when iphigenia goes to the mercenary soldier who she knows will kill her, she's the one telling him what to tell her about where she's going and why, i want you to tell me achilles is waiting for me....and she still dies, because This Is The Story. as also applied to the reality, iphigenia as another dead and missing girl following & preceding many; any disappeared deaths when consumed as disposable & replaceable, not given part of any narrative about it. while also iphigenia only gets a chorus of fresa girls from there being crosses put on the factory wall with their names, with one girl even remarking like hey they spelled my name right for once. but at the same time they're also like, both mere Apparitions but also like standins for people who are simply alive. real [shades]esque kind of, i suppose, but like they're not Sanctified for dying either, they'll comment on iphigenia but not with any like, divine knowledge, just as this out of place rich girl. whether iphigenia's A Saint or Not A Saint, she's still dead either way. she wants to be a fresa girl, they maybe want to be her, but everyone's doomed anyways thanks to way larger forces and the Stories that have been told and will be told again
but there's also the moment right before the final section wherein, before she's having to say what she wants within the bounds of [she has to die], there's achilles asking "you still want me" and iphigenia answering with "i want everything" and her vision for, like, getting to be alive actually, i'm on the gulf where the sea is gray, and no one wants a piece of me....the whole inciting event here where iphigenia wants to evade her fate however she can, exiting the bounds of her life, the physical bounds and the family unit and walking away from the rank of status / class / wealth, trying for [have her body for herself] and what the body wants, the sensuous indulgences of (a rave fable), let's hear some more about the roman state like "we don't like the examination and challenge and upending of class and convention in a bacchanalia, so only do the official versions we permit;" the Threat of people's desires for themselves, when that's going to be counter to those in power who'd want these people to be resources at their disposal; the burden on the disempowered to suffer [the only way out is through] with the Additional pain & loss that has to be taken on in pursuit of their autonomy, while also of course suffering for the autonomy they lack, that restricted and controlled and mitigated versions of what you might want are deigned to be provided or permitted so that you have Something, but that everyone's actual undeniable personhood will always be spilling past those bounds, the potential power of transgressive pleasure when one's wellbeing and autonomous choices are counter to the power structures that have to constantly try to suppress and preclude this. achilles just as bait, doomed to die like iphigenia is also still doomed, sex was never going to save everyone and the [recognizing connection as these two parallel people / We're The Same] with your lover here is not going to save everyone but it still makes more things possible for them both; iphigenia does know what she wants, and gets some of it because she wants it, same with achilles in turn, while it can't save anyone from their fates still. but it can mean something even if it doesn't transcend, like even a fleeting night of insignificant dancing that doesn't change anything can mean something, and we all die, but that doesn't mean it's Nothing to be killed any more than it's Nothing to have your desires or choices one way or another to be wrung out of your life before you are
anyways, the stories. the Looking and Presenting here. achilles and iphigenia first encountering each other as images put together and presented by someone else for their own purposes. the presence of what's seen through film/camera/recording versus in person; the potential power relations and even violence in framing, presenting, and the intended looking and assessing. repeated language about eyes/looks that burn, while also that connection between iphigenia and achilles, and their finding the least room in what they do have of their lives for more of their own wants and selves and something genuine and not predetermined, is also connected to eyes and looking and being seen and light and burning. while they're also connected to the protection and possibility of night and darkness, getting to exist and be Without being lit up or seen; that with the power that's still in play, it's never like, well then you should have nothing / no reason to hide; the penultimate moment in the play with achilles being one that's in person and fades into darkness, rather than coming in from the light of a projection / video onscreen as the introduction....iphigenia needing to be guided through a crossroads to even get to achilles in person; violeta giving the Advice and Story and Tradition to pray to eleggua, as iphigenia does before getting to encounter achilles for real, who also doesn't get to break out of a role or a fate in full in any way, but their tragedies are like, pointing towards [autonomy, imagine it] in both the ways they manage to find a little bit of it for themselves, in no small part for simply recognizing each other as in the same boat here, and in the ways they still don't have it and still can't get it
and anyways it's also inevitably saying like, telling a story?? this Play is a told story!! looking? assessing? interpreting? you're doing that in the course of experiencing it! and it's really so fucking true.
#reading the whole of it like okay well i'm different forever now then#tearing a wall down about it like yeah it's extremely chill thanks#iphigenia crash land falls on the neon shell that was once her heart (a rave fable)#what a Narrative can change; what it can't....#those already with the power to do whatever they felt like in the first place just able to create whatever story of events supports that#those whose lives are restricted by that power having to struggle to find any narratives that provide some comfort maybe#whilest perhaps it's the stories that provide an accurate reflection on the pain & suffering in one's reality that are more threatening Lol#like hey i hope that that bacchanalia isn't satiriz....paused to look up ''if satire is based on satyr i'll mclose it lmfao''#Apparently it's not Really; but the latin form was indeed influenced by the greek satyr (for the theatre of it all) on the Mistaken notion#that that Was an influence. so; anyways i hope that bacchanalia isn't satirizing norms & conventions & providing a space to transgress#wherein we can see the Constructed and Enforced nature of things like class such that it can be deconstructed & deenforced#you'd Better not be questioning these conventions by commenting on them even indirectly; playfully; or via imitation....#that achilles can only have this genuine final closeness with iphigenia after voicing & sharing ''i'm dying soon too btw (:''#while iphigenia able to voice what she wants from life is only happening with the context that she'll die & she won't have this#she knows she wants [and nobody wants a piece of me] b/c of knowing that they do; and they'll take it....#their navigating their connection via also rejecting / superseding Their Image(tm). i want to kill the tabloid girl that envelops your skin#i will sink & get rid of every inch of me. that at the end of their scenes of actually interacting it's iphigenia reassuring achilles#who's like [but you wouldn't want Me] [everyone only wants a piece of me] [you'll forget me] vs i will destroy your celebrity; there will#be no one left to adore but me....unmaking oneself in the face of being defined & doomed Already; by the past....#breaking into pieces crash land falling. if you existed once ever that exists forever. the pieces all around & as the foundation#making one's way back around to ''wow just like in pentiment'' again lol....endless things to say all around#as well as when anytime you have something to say you have about a trillion words in the effort to do so#the narrative that matters to you but doesn't save your life still giving you More life while you still have it....#and what gives a little more life than that. and a little more than that
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it's funny how i love tragic ships, but then ended up shipping aki with a character that no one expect to ship him with (at least in the western side of the fandom)
#himeaki is nice... but in a one-sided way#like yeah himeno loves him but also she had this selfish need for him to agonize over her death#which... is an interesting way of loving someone#and ofc aki loves her whether it's platonic or more than that#he does loves her and look up to her#but he's just too... struck up with grief that only until himeno's death did he realized he need to move on and cherish what he had#aki and angel?? i think it's mostly a product of what he experience with himeno#all of those regrets culminating into this... resignation#that at the very least he doesn't wanna see anyone he knows to die in front of him#and surprisingly i don't ship akiangel#especially after that reveal on angel's beloved person#the one human that he loves and loves him back#god that part hurts so much it makes it hard for me to ship angel with aki because of that#such pure feelings... and to think makima's the one cut it all away... destroying his first connections to humanity#but yeah aki and angel for me is platonic in a sense that angel is watching over him until his time comes to say goodbye to the life he had#and so now... you may ask#why ship aki with denji then?#well i only have one answer#snowball fight#that scene changes everything for me#that's the most tragic fight scene i have ever watch and i literally break down when i realized that aki stopped fighting because#he saw denji's crying face#saying 'i never saw you cry before'#like... that moment of vulnerability... that's what breaks him from the gun devil's (and makima's) control#and that's just so... poetic and tragic in so many ways#so... yeah#that's how i ended up shipping these two#anyway... so many spoilers here#tmi tag
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me: i figured out how to open my play!
also me: researching brussels zuid/midi station intensively
#these things are important to me so if anyone can tell me which platform is the intercity direct to amsterdam thats lekker#i love it when things are annoyingly accurate and like yea#i would have just used antwerp BUT BUT BUT he's in wallonia theres a running thing with that#bc everyone is like 'oh how was flanders' and he's like... bro#its a running joke with the whole merel rooijakkers verse actually#so in that case brussels zuid/midi makes more sense even though i remember the antwerp platform#orginally the opening was about the value of goud but i think thats too cliche and i should just open the play with dirk-jan leaving#but yeah im the person that phonetically wrote out amsterdam metro announcements in dutch just for that sense of accuracy bc its the detail#and now i have a duty to include that scene#but also merel reveals some crucial information about herself in that scene so thats fun#the part where she explains that shes so connected to language she knows theres nothing that she can't express in that language#(yeah shes one on THOSE ppl)#and then at the end we find out that the breakup affects her so much she can't express how shes feeling#but the fact i phonetically transcribe this shit in dutch? like sat in my little amsterdam room and copied it down...#says a lot about how i care too much about certain details and not too much about others lol#anyways im in my hometown rn what else am i gonna do lmao i hate this place#dutch language found dead
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