#now I don't remember drowning in that fountain

[ibetittering]

Every so often my brother likes to remind me he saved me from drowning in my grandma's fountain when I was two but he also tried to drown me himself so it kinda cancels out

[mysteryshoptls]

Fellow Honest Lesson Lines

ＨＩＳＴＯＲＹ

Good

Morning

I'm drowning in this fountain of knowledge...!

Yaaaaawn...

I bet I can use this when hawkin' stuff.

Afternoon

Uhh, this is spelled like...

I don't remember ever hearin' about that.

You're pretty diligent.

Evening

Uh-huuh...?

Just as I heard, he's a stern professor.

I'm feelin' feverish.

Great

Ooh, I see! I'm startin' to get it.

Did you figure it out, Gidel?

I feel like I've gotten smarter.

Alright, I figured it out.

Perfect

Normal Lesson

I gotta be able to do it too, don't I?

Look, Gidel, I got the right answer!

Now everything makes sense.

I got it... It makes sense...!

Special Lesson

Oh, there's the Headmage I've heard so much about...

Gidel, a shady guy just showed up.

A spectacular course.

ＦＬＹＩＮＧ

Good

Morning

Listen to my commands, you crappy broom!

Urgh, I can't balance...!

This prof's so noisy...

Afternoon

Hrrrngh, it won't go any higher...

[pant, pant...]

Don't be lookin' down at me from up there.

Evening

Well, I don't have much magic, see.

Calmly, carefully...

Aaaaah, I'm getting dizzy1

Great

Fwahahaha!

I'm getting the hang of this...

Did you see that, Gidel? I flew!

Whew, I did it, somehow...

Perfect

Normal Lesson

Now this is a view.

Gidel, you wanna hop on?

Oh, oops, did I go too high?

Showtime!

Special Lesson

He's makin' me anxious...!

Wow, the wind's so strong... Fwa...ha...ha...

M-My hands are slipping from the sweat...!

Requested by Anonymous.

[shaded-night]

The Price of Gift Giving

There are many things Aventurine can pride himself in. He has no shortage of talents that have gotten him as far as he has. However there are still a few things that he cannot wrap his head around. When it comes to love and showing his affection, Aventurine fumbles more often than not, even with his heightened emotional intelligence.

Now, he isn't sure what exactly he had done this time around, but his beloved Doctor seems to be frustrated with him. So here he is standing in one of the most luxury malls in all of Pier Point trying to pick out the best gift as an apology. He knows Ratio isn't big on material luxuries but as Aventurine eye's a beautiful fountain pen, he can't help but throw his card down. He pays extra to have it engraved with an owl face -the same one that adorns Ratio's shoulder- and a quaint but sweet quote, "For my Beloved Veritas". Aventurine feels confidence flow through his veins as he becomes a couple hundred thousand credits lighter. The pen is packaged nicely, the engraving hidden from view so he can surprise his boyfriend even more.

When he returns home, Aventurine can here Ratio in their shared study grumbling to himself as he no doubt marks another students paper as inadequate. Aventurine braves a smile as he tucks the small gift into his coat pocket and quietly enters the study.

"I'm home~. I see you're still working hard. Do you have time for a short break?"

Ratio sighs, sparing Aventurine a quick glance before his eyes setting back on the stack of papers .

"Unfortunately I'm on a tight deadline. I did mention to you earlier that I'd most likely will be busy all day." Ratio's voice held clear annoyance, but that's fine. Aventurine's smile faulters for only a second.

"Yes I remember you saying that. Sorry, I just don't like seeing you over work yourself."

Ratio only hums in acknowledgement as red ink fills another paper.

If Aventurine just stands here any longer he's sure to be kicked out, so to not waste anymore time he fumbles to get his gift out of his pocket.

"I have something for you." He places the box neatly on the desk, and Ratio pauses to look at it. It's not hard to guess its price, the name of the store was printed clearly on the lid. Aventurine can feel the annoyance radiating off of Ratio as he narrows his eyes at the package.

"Aventurine," said mans smile drops; Ratio never calls him that at home. "While the thought is appreciated, we've talked about your frivolous amount of gifts before. No matter how deep your pockets are, always spending isn't a good lifestyle. Honestly, is drowning me in expensive products the only thing you can do?"

It shouldn't hurt because Ratio is right; they have talked about Aventurine's unhealthy spending habits. Still, he had no issue buying anything that he thought Ratio may like. And that's what made his confidence crumble. His eyes stung and his voice was stuck in his throat. Ratio was looking at him, almost expectantly, but Aventurine couldn't form any words.

Instead he turned around, silently leaving the room. It felt humiliating standing there under his boyfriend's scrutinizing gaze. Maybe he deserved it for being inconsiderate of Ratio's thoughts on luxury goods. That was the only rational conclusion he could come up with.

~*~ When Ratio had finally emerged from the study, it was well into the evening. Aventurine could hear him in the kitchen getting himself his share of dinner Aventurine somehow managed to put together just a hour prior. He had the catcakes to thank for pushing him to get food in him. The last few hours he had just been curled up under a blanket on the couch while the snacks meowed at him sympathetically.

Eventually the noise in the kitchen died down, and was replaced with the couch dipping under Ratio's weight. Aventurine didn't move from his place under the blanket.

"Vasha," a hand fell onto Aventurine's shoulder; and maybe he's just a little too weak because a second later he wrapped himself tightly around his boyfriend. "I would like to apologize, my love. I shouldn't have been so insensitive to your gift."

Aventurine closed his eyes, letting his head fall against Ratio's chest.

"I just wanted to make you happy. I know you've been overworked lately...and I know I can't help with that kind of work. I know I said I'd work on my spending. So I guess I'm sorry too."

Fingers thread through his hair and a kiss is placed on his head.

"Change doesn't happen overnight, and I shouldn't have taken my frustration out on you. You are far more valuable than any gift, Kakavasha."

Ratio shifts and pulls the giftbox from his pocket. It was still unopened, but Ratio swiftly untied the bow around it and removed the lid. He picked up the pen, admiring the pretty swirl of blue and white along its body and it's gold accents. His thumb ran over the engraving and Aventurine feels a smile against his temple.

"It is quite a lovely pen. Thank you, Vasha. I will treasure it always."

~*~ inspired by this twt post~

rtrn is so stupid i love them

[briefalpacashark]

~Hangover~

Synopsis: Titles pretty self explanatory.

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The next morning you were happily cooking away, watching the minutes pass by on the clock. Usually the boys would have been up half an hour ago. You would have to wake them up soon, though. You all had a mission briefing soon. Now you are a good person. But last night they did have you running across town and dealing with police because of their antics. So you set up a speaker in the hall, turned it on full blast and played an obnoxiously loud ‘Can Can Dance’ song. Hearing the cacophony of groans, you smile, returning to the kitchen. You watched as Gaz, Jonny and Price all dragged themselves into the wreck room heads bowed and pinched nose bridges.

“Well good morning sunshine’s and daisies!” you made sure to hit your voice with a slightly higher and louder pitch, making most of them flinch and groan.

“Shhhhhh,” Price hushed in your general direction. Hearing the speaker suddenly die out, you peeked around the corner to see Ghost standing there with his eyes barely open and a now impaled speaker on the end of his knife.

“Good morning,” you smirked. He looked at your smile, giving a grunt before walking to the table, throwing his defeated opponent upon the table, the bang making them all wince.

“Well well well. What happened to you guys' last night?” you asked, placing two large plates on the table. Full of food they might or might not want to eat. 

“We, uh, we had a few drinks,” Price said.

“Of, a few?” you asked, piling up your plate and beginning to eat.

“Yeah, I think,” he murmured, grabbing a plate for himself.

“How's your chest Jonny?” you asked. Jonny looked up at you with an accusing look, wondering just how you knew about the bald patch on his chest.

“Don't know what you mean, doc,” he grumbled.

“Aha sure. How's the head Simon?” you asked.

“Fine,” he muttered. Everyone looked at his head and to the slight bulge on his temple that the mask failed to hide.

“Got to say didn't pin you as a booty shorts type of man Gaz,” you added turning to Gaz. His face paled as he recalled the pink bedazzled pants he had quickly thrown into the bin. Your smirk widened impossibly wider. You were having way too much fun.

“And sir,” everyone went silent as you turned to Price. He looked up at you with a slight warning.

“I'm sorry about the hat,” you said. Everyone was silent for a few moments as they took in your smug grin.

"I'm to fucken old for this shit," he grumbled reaching for his tea.

“Alright you know what happened last night don't you?” Jonny asked.

“Who me? How could I know? I wasn't there remember,” you said. They pondered. That's the thing. They couldn't remember a damn single thing other than starting a drinking competition with the airforce boys.

“Did. I um d anything embarrassing?” Gaz asked bashfully. You pretended to think.

“What do you define as embarrassing?” you asked. He groaned, and Jonny chuckled.

“What are you laughing about Jonny?” you asked, taking a bite of food. His smile fell as he quickly shut up.

“You came to get us?” Price asked. You nodded.

“So, what happened?” Gaz asked.

“You know I don't think you would believe me even if I did tell you,” you hummed.

“Try us,” Ghost said.

“Right, ok,” you cleared your throat pushing your plate away. 

“So I get a call at 2 am in the morning. You rang me from a random phone, at a phone booth, that you didn't use and you have my contacts up on Gaz phone that you also didn't use. You were all just sitting on the curb eating a shit ton of Macca’s. It was an event to get you all in the car. Then when I did get you all in we went to a bar to pay of your tab. A bar that takes away your left shoe to make sure you don't run out on a tab. Which you guys did. Oh, wait sorry. I forgot the part where you all took a dip in a fountain to save ducks from drawing. Well Simon saved the ducks, Jonny tried to help but somehow started to drown in knee high water. Gaz tried to save him but couldn't and then Price apparently saved you both. Anyway so across from this bar is a police station. And you brilliant genius’s tried to pick a fight with a whole police force. Because apparently one of them tried to arrest Gaz. And the only reason why was because Gaz stole a stun gun. Then when I threatened you with lazwell finding out you all legged it down the street. Ghost almost took out a low hanging beam and Jonny and Gaz took out each other. I then had to track you all down again. You all put up a fight thinking I was working with the police. I had to tie you three up and put you in the back. Captain you were in a fucking tree. Honestly don't know how you got up so high. And Simon was in the trunk the whole time. So half way back to base you somehow managed to convince yourselves that you were kidnaped and jumped out of said car. I looked for you again and you called me to inform me you all had been arrested. Lucky for you I'm a sweet talker and got you guys off with a warning. Then I got you back and had to lug all your asses back to your beds,” you finished of the story with a smile. The boys all stared at you, first processing your words and then flat out denying them.

“Bull shit,” Jonny said in denial.

“Well, have a look at this and say that again,” you pulled out your phone and showed them the photo. Their faces fell as they took it in.

“Delete it,” Ghost ordered.

“What? Fuck no. Do you know the shit I had to go through last night? I earned this,” you stated.

“Sargent, I order you to delete that photo,” Price commanded.

“Captain, can i just say you have the cutest sweetest little giggle I've ever heard in my life,” you cooed. Price's face snapped into a glare.

“Giggled?” Jonny smirked.

“Captain's a giggling drunk,” you nodded. 

“Delete it,” Ghost ordered again.

“Make me,” you challenged. A scream left your lips as they all pounced on you, successfully pulling the phone from your grip and deleting the photo. 

“You all assholes,” you grumbled, taking your phone back.

“Not a word about last night to anyone,” Price ordered, pointing at you.

“Yes sir,” You gave a mock salute, grinning ear to ear.

“What's that?” he asked, pointing to the smile.

“What's what sir?” you asked innocently.

“That smile. What have you done?” he asked.

“Nothing sir,” you smiled, batting your eyelashes before walking away. 

Across the base, Laswell had just entered her office, tea in hand. Sitting down at her computer, she opened her emails going through the more important once before finding one from you. Reading the topic of blackmail, she moved closer, taking a sip of her tea.

As she opened it her eyes went wide at the picture she saw spitting the tea out in a mist.

Later that day you found Ghost sitting on the couch rubbing his temple. 

“Here,” you said, holding out some tablets to him with a drink of water.

“What's this?” he asked.

“Does it matter?” you asked with a smirk. He shrugged, hiking his mask up to his nose and taking the tablets. You were slightly taken aback seeing the half of his face. And from the half you could see he was handsome. What you loved more was the stumble he wore. Yep he was definitely blond. 

“Huh,” you hummed.

“What?” he asked, pulling his mask back down.

“Knew you had a stubble. Jonny owes me a tenner,” you smiled. Again, the Dajuvu washed over you. Ghost thought back to the time you were in the hospital. To the time you held his face so tenderly and looked at him so softly. He wished you would do it again. 

“Hey, wanna hear something worth its weight in gold?” you asked, your cheeky grin taking over. He nodded, and you slotted yourself next to him, your arms pressed against each other. You opened up your phone going into your recorder. Shuffling impossibly closer you held the phone up between your ears. 

“What?”

“Shhhhh,” you hushed him, your hand unknowingly dropping to his biceps to pull him closer. He leaned down, his head gently knocking on the top of yours. It was comedic really. His whole upper body was bent over while you were just sitting there. 

Softly a giggle sounded from your phone.

“What the hell is that?” Ghost asked as he continued to listen.

“That is our dear captain giggling,” you chuckled. Simon couldn't help the laugh that burst from his mouth. And not one of his half chuckles. No it was a real laugh. I mean, who wouldn't be amused by it. Your smirk turned into a warm smile as you looked up at him. 

“Fuck, That’s hilarious. That's really Price?” he asked. You loved it, the way his smile reached his eyes.

“Yeah, but not as amusing as you tighty whities,” You grinned, patting his leg and getting up. He froze. Sure, he wore tighty whities when he was in civics. They were comfortable. 

“So you took advantage of me when I was drunk and unconscious?” he asked teasingly.

“Oh yeah definitely,” you grinned back with a wink. You went to leave but paused, stepping back to face him. “I didn't see your face if that's what you mean. I kept my eyes closed when I took your mask off,” you added. 

“I know,” he muttered. You frowned and were about to ask about it when Price called the two of you for the briefing. 

“Come on,” he said, walking up to you and putting you in a headlock. Which wasn't hard. He practically dragged you out.

“Don't go telling anyone about my tighty whities. Copy?” he asked.

“Sure thing, Sir,” you grinned tapping out. He smiled, releasing you. You walked side by side. Something you hoped one day you would always do.

“You owe me a speaker by the way,”

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=COD Master List Here=

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[cookiepie111]

࿐Drink from the leche of sirens࿐

Synopsis - An injury könig comes across a lake and pretty nymph. Greek au könig x black nymph reader. No minors. Smut

Part 2 here

A/N-

An alternate to the fountain girl fic I wrote.

Think this might be the longest thing I've written. There is a Pinterest mood board here. Shout out to @cinnamonbunboii cause their comment inspired this fic. Please like and reblog!

Tags: @terra-713 @cinnamonbunboii @kneelingshadowsalome @bucca2

       𓇼 - - - - - - - - 𓇼 - - - - - - - - 𓇼

Deities are petty beings, twisting the hearts of humans when things don't go their way. König and his army may have won the battle but the casualties were high, he himself was beat and bruised. Its just a game to them and what do you do when you're losing and angry, you flip out, over turn the board and scatter the pieces. Think of a new way to win while your opponent garthers up their fallen pieces.

Scattered by the wind, what a cliche but it works, in all the commotion the soldiers were separated, placed in every which direction, on land, and both above and below the heavens. How petty all this because you lost. Somehow this wasn't the worst part of könig's day just the final cherry on top the shitty Sunday the gods gave him. His lover betrayed him, separated from his allies, battered and bruised and now there's nothing around him but trees. If not for the situation and burning rage in his heart he'd find the place quite peaceful, beautiful even, a nice place to die.

The deeper könig went into the forest the more the atmosphere changed, trees bend and shift, covering the sky above. The slow dance of leaves and bright glow of the fireflies. All of it leading up to a lake in the clearing. It all felt too to unnatural to be real, like sweet honey leading him a trap. Pressing into the wound at his side, the sharp pain brought him back to his senses, this isn't the place to lose one's mind he'd need to keep his wits about him if he wanted to live.

Even if he doesn't want to accept it there's no denying this would be a beautiful place to die. Even now he hates himself for still thinking of her, even at the moment of his death she still has place in his mind. she'd love this place, a backdrop like this would only accentuate her beauty more.

He walked close to the lake feeling the trees shift around him again. Laying back on the trees bark sword placed on the ground.

The waters surface ripples altering könig to the figure in the lake, its shape he couldn't quite make out. A head, a person maybe. This place could be cursed, it wouldn't surprise him. He stares back never removing his eyes from them watching as they stay just below the water.

If he's intruded on some beings land they'll just have to put up with him or force him out. He's got enough strength for one last fight. It is after all the way of the warrior to go out fighting he thinks, unsteady as he pushes off the tree bark.

You can't remember the last time you saw another human here, they often end up with your older sister although you doubt they've all been this large and imposing. Even injured he carries himself very well. The cut in his stomach only causing him to hunch over, you doubt the blood covering him is his own.

Once at the water's edge the thoughts of battle quickly die down. It a woman in the water, human she is not but a woman still. The skin of human women doesn't glow or shine. Their skin isn't adorned with scales of greans and blue hues around their eyes nor does their hair shift and swirl like small currents atop the waters surface like yours. No those features that were that of nymph. Women of nature blessed with great beauty. And unfortunately for könig drowners of men.

His odds are about 50/50 he wouldn't drown so easily but that wasn't a risk he wanted to take, with his body is failing him now, heavy breaths as he falls back to the ground. Eyes still on the nymph at his front, she makes no move, just watching.

It takes a few moments for her to move a few more heavy breaths and groans from könig for her to lift from the water.

When she comes out to meet him she bare. Thin pieces of fabric dropping over her waist and chest slipping under her right breast, past her womanhood, more like an accessory one would add cause they thought it looked nice than a piece of clothing. Thick curly hair swirling around her body

To think he could still get hard at a time like this.

Drowning doesn't seem so bad now if it is by her hand.Maybe a kiss from them would send him peaceful into the afterlife.

She stood over him head tilling side from side,trying to figure the man out. He hasn't said anything, he doesn't shout or draw his sword like the other men she's seen. He's also taller, bigger, more.... solid than other men, gracing a hand down his arm. Kneeling beside him, the injury is worse than she thought. did one of the gods bring him here? Or did he just wonder here himself? You held your chin swaying on your heels deep in thought

König felt delirious, he's injured, lost and now there's a pretty nymph circling round, staring, pocking and prodding at him. If this was any other situation he'd take her in the moment. Hull her over his shoulder and fuck her till scream or blesses him, gives him heavenly children. But he's tired and weak, he can do nothing but watch as she frees his egear cock from his tunic.

He's never felt like this before, grunting and wincing under her touch. He's sure she's sucking the energy out of him.  Maybe its the bloodloss maybe it the fire at the groin the licking and kissing along his shaft causing the dizziness in him, eyes shut tight and panting as he comes closer to the edge but the release never comes. feeling her tongue stroke the entire length of him as she comes up.

The next moment for könig were pure bliss, something straight out of dream. To have her now Straddling him bouncing so eagerly on his cock, was a feeling he could never forget. The sweet stretch as she sank. It was frustrating not being able to touch her, She didn't move fast enough not for könig liking. He was too weak to set the pace, his hand only able to rest on the plush of her hip. Even if she used him like a toy könig couldn't help but throw his head back in pleasure at the squeeze of her soft walls.

Her hands explored the body under her, digging into the wounds, ignoring his hisses and complaints, pushing him back down before he finds the strength to push her off. It felt hot then numb, as she dug into his wounds.

With new found strength he bucked his hips, against her. The sound of their love making filling the forest air, his hands firmly at her hips to move her at a pace he found fit, fast and messy before emptying himself inside her.

When he finally came back down from the high he finds her form shake and ripple above him. The words die on his tongue, as her form melts down, and fades away into the water

He gets up able without stumbling this time walking straight finding himself back at the army base. König's honestly not sure if that really happened or if he was just crazy. He has nothing to show for the whole ordeal to prove it was real. He knows on the brink of the death the mind can conger all sorts of things to keep one alive but nothing could explain sleeping with a water nymph. he'd like to think he wasn't deranged...To imagine sleeping with being that would normally drown you but...

The only evidence he had was his body. The open wound in his stomach gone, his whole body intact even stronger than before. He'll think about this alot after wondering if you were really real. It would be best to get you out of his mind. Yet he sees you in the lakes and bodies of water and in the faces of women passing him by

You on the other hand couldn't believe your luck! Showing off the keepsake you'd got from the soldiers.

Red bracelet shining under the sun as you turned it on your wrist to show off to your sisters. Giggling and splashing round the waters edge. You're so lucky such a strong and handsome man!

"Wow what's his name".... "You did get his name right???" ... you didn't get his name. You didn't get his name! And honestly you're not sure which army he's with you can't tell the difference between the armours

[writing-with-my-teeth]

Capeless Crusaders Against Lex Luthor

Summary: Lex Luthor's Public Enemy #1 has always been Superman. He never thought that Bruce Wayne and his gaggle of misfit children could be worse.

This story features Bruce, Dick, Steph, Damian, and a bonus Red Hood. Let me know if anyone wants a part 2 with Tim, Duke, Babs, and Cass.

Word count: 3k

Potential TW: I tried to pick the most cartoonishly evil thing that Lex could support, so this fic does mention the activity of dwarf tossing.

Another day, another gala.

Lex's lip curled. He hid it behind the lip of the champagne glass in his hand.

You know, he was just thinking that he might actually enjoy the night. Galas were such tedious affairs, but half of the attendees tonight were Lex's business partners. The other half were old school friends.

Unfortunately, anyone that had gone to school with Lex and Oliver Queen—the host of tonight's party—had also gone to school with Bruce Wayne, and his unfortunate yacht accident two weeks ago hadn't stopped him from attending, though Lex had desperately hoped it would. Of course, the moment he waltzed into the room, a good hour and a half late and already heavily intoxicated, by the looks of him, Lex lost the spotlight.

Nevertheless, the night was salvageable. There were no media vultures in attendance. The only reporter on the list was that mild-mannered Daily Planet employee. Lex didn't remember his name (Connor O'Connell, maybe?) but he did remember the scathing cost-benefit analysis of Superman that he'd written three months ago.

Lex would be delighted to pick his brain more on his thoughts about Superman.

Unfortunately, as soon as he waved the man over, a tremendous splash sounded across the room. The reporter's head whipped around, nearly losing his thick-rimmed spectacles in the process.

Lex closed his eyes and counted to ten for patience.

Bruce Wayne was—yes, he was in the fountain.

It was hard to tell whether he was swimming or drowning.

Lex hoped it was the latter. Unfortunately, the sentiment wasn't a common one. Old Mrs. Crawer pretended to faint into her young bodyguard's arms (she did that at least once per gala) and Jack Drake went so far as to shout for someone to help. A couple people nodded their heads, looking sufficiently concerned, but nobody seemed invested in ruining their clothes by jumping in after Wayne.

It was the reporter that stepped up. He folded his notebook and pen in the jacket of his suit, handed it off to the nearest waiter, and stepped up to the lip of the fountain. Loudly, he said, "Mr. Wayne, are you okay?"

Wayne's head popped out of the water. He slicked his hair back to the admiring gasps of unsatisfied society ladies and whispered something to the reporter that made him shake his head. Then, louder, he announced, "Felt a little stuffy in here. Thought I'd shake things up." His voice was slurred and his eyes bright. He was so intoxicated. Lex could hardly wait for the reporter to flame him in the papers tomorrow.

"I'm surprised he's so eager to get into the water considering his recent yacht debacle," Lex sniffed, but nobody heard the cutting remark.

It was Oliver Queen that finally cajoled Wayne out of the fountain with the promise of more shrimp and cocktails. The man staggered sopping wet around the ballroom, laughing about his own stupidity and using the reporter as a support whenever he stumbled. If he wasn't the center of attention before, he certainly was now, with the soaking wet see-through white dress shirt clinging to every curve of muscle on his body. Why, exactly, did Bruce Wayne feel the need to bodybuild when he sat in an office all day? Lex would never understand the foolish rich.

"Brucie," Lex said when the pair stumbled within earshot. "Why don't you give Caden a break and sit down?"

"Who?"

Lex forced a laugh and the reporter joined in after a pause. Fine. If Wayne wouldn't let the reporter go, then he would conduct his business while ignoring the man. He did that enough during board meetings with Wayne Enterprises, after all.

The next morning, Lex stared at the newspaper in disbelief. Wayne's dip in the fountain was splashed—literally—all over the front page, and his stilted conversation with the reporter had barely made page 3, hardly bigger than a footnote.

Fucking Wayne.

---

"License and registration, please!" the disgustingly cheery cop all but sang. It was four in the morning, but he was practically beaming. And he was beaming his flashlight directly into Lex's eyes. He couldn't see anything around it.

"What seems to be the problem, officer?" Lex asked, handing the papers over.

"Suspicious behavior," replied the cop. "Mr. Luthor, what are you doing in Blüdhaven at four a.m.?"

"What suspicious behavior?" Lex questioned.

The officer lowered his flashlight, but its dark shadow was seared into Lex's vision right where the cop's face should be. "Mr. Lauren, are you avoiding the question?"

"It's Luthor, actually, and no, of course not," Lex sighed, rubbing his face. He was exhausted. "I was on a business trip. Our meeting ended late. Now, what suspicious behavior are you talking about? I used my turn signal before switching lanes, I've been within five miles of the speed limit the entire drive, and as far as I'm aware, there's no driving curfew in Blüdhaven."

"Yes," said the officer. From what Lex could see of his features, he was frowning. "All of that is extremely suspicious behavior in Blüdhaven. Besides, you're driving a Luthor Cybertruck, which suggests you suffer from lapses of temporary insanity. Do you consent to a quick search of your vehicle?"

"Not without a warrant," Lex sighed. "Look, officer, I'm from Central City. Us citizens follow the law there. I can assure you, I just want to go home."

The officer hesitated. Lex considered bribing him, but couldn't tell if the man had a bodycam on.

"Well, all right," said the officer finally. "I'll let you go with a warning."

"Thank you, officer," Lex said. "Thank you for keeping your city safe."

"All in a night's work!" the officer said cheerfully. "Have a good one, Mr. Lantern."

"Luthor," Lex grumbled, but the officer was already ambling away, whistling cheerfully. "Lapses of temporary insanity?" That officer was the one whistling at four a.m. Luthor Cybertrucks were pinnacles of human technological innovation!

Twenty minutes later, another cop pulled him over. Lex had his papers in hand by the time the officer said, "License and registration, please!"

It was the same idiot cop from before. Lex closed his eyes and said, "Really?"

"Excuse me?"

"You just pulled me over. Nothing about my driving has changed since then."

"Did I?" the officer mused. "I'm not sure if I recall."

"I can assure you that you did," Lex said through gritted teeth. "I can assure you, Officer—" He squinted at the man's name badge— "Grayson, I just want to return to my home in Central City."

"I'll let you off with a warning," said Officer Grayson. "Don't let it happen again, okay?"

Lex had the sinking feeling that it would happen again, and he was right. He figured it out by the next time the officer pulled him over: Grayson was the name of Bruce Wayne's first adoptee, the circus one. Apparently, idiocy was inheritable through adoption.

This time, Officer Grayson tripped on his way to Lex's window, and Lex stiffened at the sound of glass crunching. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, which maybe wasn't the best thing to do, because the first thing Officer Grayson did was poke his shoulder and ask, "Sir, have you fallen asleep behind the wheel?"

Lex stared at him.

Officer Grayson stared back, utterly serious.

"Did you just shatter my brake light?"

"No, I don't think so," Grayson said airily, then launched into the same spiel from the last two traffic stops.

Lex gripped the steering wheel because if he didn't, he might punch the man. When Grayson was done, he asked tightly, "What do normal Blüdhaven citizens drive like?"

"Excuse me?"

"What is unsuspicious behavior for driving in this wretched city?"

"I would never encourage someone to break the law," said Officer Grayson seriously. "You're driving perfectly, sir. It's just quite unusual for this area, so I wanted to make sure you're not hiding anything nefarious in your car. Do you consent to a search?"

"No, I do not," Lex said through gritted teeth, "I just want to get home. As I've told you two times before."

"Have you?"

"Yes," Lex snapped. "You have."

"Oh." Officer Grayson scratched his head. "Sorry about that. Carry on, then." He handed Lex's paperwork back.

Lex waited until Grayson pulled away and drove off before starting to drive himself. If it was so suspicious to drive close to the speed limit, then he would drive ten miles over. As long as he stayed behind the officer—

"Oh, come on!" Not ten minutes later, blue-and-red lights flashed in his rearview mirror. "How did he get behind me?" Lex had been so careful not to pass anyone!

"License and registration, please! It'll be a ticket today, unfortunately; I clocked you going seventy-seven in a sixty-five zone. Also, did you know that one of your brake lights is out?"

Lex would be having words with Wayne about allowing his children out of that ridiculous manor he called a home.

---

Lex wasn't the fondest of children, but he could appreciate them as the future of technological innovations. That was why he appeared as a guest at the end of the tour LexCorp hosted for students enrolled in Gotham University. Hopefully the poor children would realize how much better life was outside of that depressing city.

"And as a special treat for you all, LexCorp's CEO, Lex Luthor himself, has taken some time out of his very busy day to answer a few of your questions!" the perky guide announced.

Lex pasted on a smile for the crowd, who didn't look very impressed. Students looked more and more tired every year, he'd noticed. Lex tried not to take their lack of enthusiasm personally.

"It's a pleasure to meet the sharpest upcoming minds in the industry," he said. "As CEO of LexCorp, I personally oversee—"

A hand shot up. Lex blinked but quickly recovered. He would have time to finish his speech in a few minutes. "Yes?" He pointed to the hand's owner, a young woman with bright yellow hair. She was dressed in purple from head-to-toe, even her socks and the scrunchie holding her hair away from her face. Something about her seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it...

"Hi, Mr. Luthor," she said. "I read online that you support dwarf tossing. Is that true? If so, why?"

Immediately the group's energy shifted. Eyes darted between the blonde and Lex, obviously hanging onto every word.

The tour guide shot a terrified glance at Lex, who couldn't have been more taken aback. Every attendee should have had their student IDs checked, so she couldn't be a reporter.

"Excuse me?" he finally managed to say.

"Dwarf tossing," the blonde repeated. "I saw in an article a couple years ago that you opposed actions against the sport, and I was just interested in why you did that."

"If we could stick to questions related to the tour," the guide said desperately.

The blonde's hand shot into the air.

"Anyone else?" the guide asked.

Everyone else in the tour seemed too interested in the blonde's next question to ask one of their own.

Lex suppressed a sigh and pointed to her.

"Yes, hi," she said. "Mr. Luthor, why is the password to your computer system your birthday? That seems like a security issue just waiting to happen."

"Excuse me?"

She pushed through the crowd of students to the keypad in front of a door that read 'KEEP OUT: EXPERIMENTATION IN PROGRESS' and typed in the code.

The door swooshed open.

"See?" the blonde propped a hand on her hip and flipped her hair over her shoulder, and all of a sudden Lex knew exactly why she was familiar. She'd been at Wayne's last foundation gala, dressed in the same shade of purple, on the arm of Janet Drake's lovechild with Bruce Wayne. Lex didn't remember the sickly-pale boy's name. Thomas, maybe?

"Please shut that door this instant," the guide spluttered.

The blonde shrugged and typed the code in backwards, prompting the doors to close. "I'm just saying, for a so-called tech genius, your password was pretty easy to figure out."

Lex's tongue unstuck from the roof of his mouth. "And how, may I ask, did you sleuth that out?"

"It was my second guess," she said. "I mean, come on. It's pretty egotistical. Better than if my first guess had been right, though."

"And what was your first guess?"

"The date of Superman's first save. You're pretty obsessed with him."

"Okay!" the tour guide said shrilly. "I think that concludes the tour for today. Thank you all for attending!" She ushered the group of university students out of the room. The blonde was the last to leave, holding eye contact with Lex all the way out the door.

What was wrong with the children that hung around Bruce Wayne? Lex made a mental note to check the man for any kind of radiation he might emit. There was no such thing as radiation that made people stupider, right?

---

Wayne's youngest was the only one in the entire family to possess any shred of sense, Lex had discovered.

It grated on him to appeal to a child for grant funding, but LexCorp needed Wayne Enterprise's cooperation to petition the FDA to pass LexCorp Brand kibble. Pet food was a criminally underutilized industry, in Lex's opinion. He could already see LexCorp monopolizing the industry in the future.

Instead of Bruce Wayne, Lucius Fox, or even the seventeen year old Drake-Wayne lovechild that had served as CEO for a little under a year, they had sent Wayne's eleven year old son. He didn't fit into any of the HAZMAT suits they had in stock, so Lex had to entertain the boy while his assistant did a hasty tailoring job. All the while, the boy's brooding bodyguard stood over his shoulder, glaring so hard that his assistant's hands shook.

God knew what hell the child would raise if she poked him with a pin.

Judging by the frightened look on her face, she knew that her job was at stake. Wayne's lawyers were a nightmare to deal with. Lex would rather fight Superman without Kryptonite than face them in court over Wayne's darling prince suffering from a pinprick under Lex's supervision.

Unlike the rest of the Waynes, this boy did not speak much. He looked at everyone with a shrewd, suspicious glare, looking so much like his bodyguard that Lex almost wondered if they were related.

Lex didn't get the feeling that the child approved of him, but he wasn't particularly concerned with a child's opinion. As long as the child was smart enough to realize the financial benefits of Wayne Enterprises partnering with LexCorp—and wasn't that sad, relying on a child's judgment to make a business deal—then they could all go their separate ways as soon as the day was over.

"Are you sure that you don't want a suit of your own?" Lex asked. "Like I said, the technology used to infuse each piece of kibble with the proper nutrients for a growing dog can be—"

"I'll be fine," the bodyguard said in a gravelly voice.

"All the same, there is some radiation—"

"A little radiation never killed me," he said. His mouth twisted in a wry smile, like he'd just said an inside joke.

The child looked at him sharply.

"Well, be careful to stay far away from the machine, then," said Lex, too fed up to argue much. He was growing quite sick of dealing with Wayne and his children. "The slightest miscalibration could shut it down."

"I'll be careful."

Lex's assistant gasped. She'd pricked the Wayne brat with a pin, and she looked up with a trembling lip, but the child didn't even react. He just said, "Continue so we may get this over with."

Lex internally echoed the sentiment.

Once the HAZMAT suit had finally been tailored to roughly fit the boy, they were ready to enter the room. "Please stay back from the machine," he reminded the bodyguard. "Any miscalibration could be catastrophic. Even something as fine as a speck of dirt could interfere with the gears." He had already sunk two million dollars into this project.

Nearly as soon as he spoke the words, the beautifully running kibble machine ground to a halt. Lights blared red.

"What on Earth is going on?" Lex demanded.

It took a minute to diagnose the issue, but finally one of his scientists said, "A cat hair," and held the offending material up for everyone to see.

"Cat hair?" Lex repeated. "How on earth did a cat hair get in here?" Every employee was thoroughly decontaminated before entering the room.

The bodyguard.

Lex rounded on him, ready to take out his annoyance, but a small meow stopped him in his tracks.

Wayne's youngest held a cat in his arms, looking severely unamused.

He hadn't been holding a cat a second ago.

"Where did you get that?" Lex demanded.

The boy didn't blink. "Alfred has been recently suffering from separation anxiety. I could not leave her at home."

"If it makes you feel better," added the bodyguard, "we wouldn't have approved this anyway. We just came as a formality."

All Lex could do was seethe as the pair walked out of the testing room, leaving him with a team of panicked scientists and a two million dollar piece of technology ruined.

---

"What do you mean, you didn't pick up the shipment?" Lex growled into the phone. He'd been trying to replenish his stock of Kryptonite for months, but every source apart from Gotham had dried up. That, too, was increasingly impossible to organize shipments from.

"Sorry, boss," said the goon over the phone. "The Red Hood's been blocking us at every opportunity. I think he's stockpiling it or something."

"Who?" Lex demanded.

"One of Gotham's crime lords. But he kinda sorta works with the Bat now, so—"

Lex hung up the phone and rubbed his forehead. He was getting a headache.

Maybe Lex should ask Batman for a share of his Kryptonite supply. He knew the vigilante had some, and he couldn't be more of a headache to work with than Bruce fucking Wayne and his children.

[starlightsearches]

Track 7: Eddie Munson on his wedding day.

I Got You, Babe

Track 7: Kiss on My List by Hall & Oates  - Give me a character and a fluff prompt (or give me free rein) and I'll write a short blurb or headcanons about it.

Eddie x Female! Reader

thanks for the request, my love, I hope you like it! Eddie seems like the kind of guy to throw a wedding together last minute so that's the vibe i tried to capture 💖

📼 ✨ mixtape milestone ✨ 📼

Warnings: not really, just a lot of fluff, and some language

Crying at your own wedding is sappy as hell.

In Eddie's mind, it's the easiest way to kill the vibe. Your wedding is supposed to be a party, for Christ's sake. So, even though he tears up at happy Christmas commercials and gets weepy every year on his birthday even though Wayne always makes him the same funny-looking chocolate cake he's baked since Eddie was a god damn seven year old, he is determined not to cry on the day he gets to marry you.

He's got a buzz all morning, though, and that makes him nervous. Like somebody's gonna jump around a corner and it's gonna startle him into tears—every emotion he's ever had bubbling right up to the surface while he tugs at all the layers, trying to make the suit he borrowed look right.

It's a relief when he finally gets to leave the trailer, walking down the path to the little field nearby. It's filled with all your favorite wildflowers, and everybody's managed to make it look as nice as you deserve. There's a makeshift tent for shade, a mix-match of patterned bed-sheets hanging like a canopy, all the chairs and tables anybody was willing to donate for the afternoon spread out around the dance floor Wayne and some guys from the plant put together out of old pallets and spare wood planks.

Eddie presses his sticky palms together, trying to keep his hands from shaking while he greets everybody, accepting all the congratulations and good lucks from trailer park friends and gentle ribbing from the Hellfire guys and the freshman chirping in his ear.

The wedding part hasn't even started yet, and his throat's already burning. It's not a big crowd by any means, but Eddie never realized there were this many people who cared about him.

Eddie's not gonna cry when the music starts and everybody shuts up, watching for you at the end of the sorta-aisle between all the tables. He might throw up though. Or die, maybe, with the way his heart is pounding. Wayne's standing behind him, a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and that's the only thing keeping him place.

Eddie thought all that might go away once he was sure you were gonna show, but it's actually much, much worse.

Tears are narrowly avoided once you appear. He figures out pretty quick that if he looks directly at you, he'll go off like a fountain, so he clenches his jaw and his hands and his ass cheeks, looking anywhere but your face. At the little bouquet of daises you probably picked yourself this morning, at the billowy sleeves on your dress.

He's not used to seeing you in white, but damn if you don't look stunning.

Eddie doesn't cry through the vows, but that's only because he's not listening. His head is full of static, holding both your hands in his in front of all your friends and family and friends you love like family. He'll make you repeat them again that night, when you're alone and he can bury his face in a pillow if he can't handle all the things it'll make him feel. Then he'll make you say them over and over and over again until it doesn't make him feel like he's drowning.

He kisses you when he's told, in front of everybody, and you cup his face in your hands and kiss him back.

You love him, god damn it. That shouldn't make his eyes sting, but it does. It's how much you love him that Eddie'll never, ever get over.

It gets easier after that, though. As long as Eddie doesn't remember that you agreed to marry him, and then you did marry him, and now you're married to him and he's married to you and you're his wife. If he ignores that, he's fine.

He doesn't cry while you're swaying under the Christmas lights hung around the edge of the tent, Journey's Faithfully playing through the amps he used to lug around for Corroded Coffin shows. Or at least, nobody sees the tear that slips down his cheek when he's got his face tucked into your hair, your cheek pressed tight against his chest, so wrapped up in each other it feels like you've only got one heartbeat.

Eddie almost makes it the whole day. Until Wayne.

He sneaks up on the two of you, sitting in a far off corner for a second of alone time, eating a slice of your wedding cake one of the neighbors baked from a box mix with your bare hands, laughing, and smearing frosting on each other's faces and then licking it off.

Eddie's got a few crumbs dangling from his bangs when he turns to look at Wayne, hands tucked shyly into his pockets.

"I was just wondering if my new daughter-in-law would wanna dance?"

You brush the frosting off your hands before Wayne leads you to the dance floor, swaying with you—old-school, with one hand on your waist and the other in yours—to a song his uncle played so much it's practically the soundtrack to Eddie's childhood. A song Eddie always knew was Wayne's his favorite, without having to ask or be told.

Fuck, if that doesn't already have him close to tears, lips quivering and his hands balled into fists. Eddie digs the toe of his shoe into the soft dirt, trying not to look, not to think about it.

Wayne walks you back when the song ends, hugs you tight a little ways away from where Eddie's staring at the ceiling now, willing the tears back into his head.

But he still hears Wayne say, "you're gonna take good care of my boy." Hears the tears in your own voice when you say yes.

And that's what does him in.

He's never gonna get away from all the love you have for him, all the love out in the universe pointed in his direction, saying you, Eddie Munson, are worth it. He's never gonna escape it.

And why would he ever want to?

[redfountainpostin]

Ficlet

It was over. Bloom defeated Icy, Darcy and Stormy fell against the combined efforts of friends- and one more. The barrier of dark matter that surrounded the realm died when the last of the dragonflame left the Trix, so no the schools had help of authorities to take care of the wounded, regroup, and handle all the dead bodies.

But for a certain team of specialists, they had a different task ahead of them.

Sky, Brandon, Timmy… and Riven, sitting in the empty classroom instead of an office, their teachers in front of them. Saladin and Javelin were sitting by the headdesk, while Codatorta was starring out of the window, not once having looked at his students.

"The question is simple. Do you three accept Riven to stay in your squad?" Javelin asked, while Saladin stayed quiet, watching the developing bruise on Riven's temple. That was not caused by any creature, no.

"Well we don't have much choice, do we?" Sky said, sharper than he meant to. He was furious at Riven, but he usually would still pay proper respect to his elders. "You're not expelling him, or you wouldn't be asking us this".

"No, we're not" Javelin conceded "But we won't force something that is doomed to fail. It would be detrimental to all of your educations. If you do not think you can work with Riven after all of this, even knowing that he had been under influence for the most of it, you need to tell us now"

Riven had not said anything, looking down at his hands instead. He knew what Sky was going to say.

"I say we can" Brandon blurted, causing Riven to look up at him in surprise- Brandon was looking right back at him.

"I say we can too" Timmy added after a moment "I do not think it is fair to hold everything that happened against him. I know he's not perfect, but he's also a victim here" he wasn't looking at Riven while saying this, worried he might loose his nerve. He didn't want Riven punished, but he also wasn't going to sugarcoat everything. Looking at him while proclaiming he found him flawed might lessen his nerve.

Javelin nodded. "I agree, but I need all of you to be united in this. Sky?"

"What will happen to him if I say no?"

"Sky!"

"No, Brandon, I want to know. Because no other team would have him, you know that right?" the last of the question was aimed at Riven, who was avoiding eye contact, much to Sky's anger.

Javelin sighed "There was a handful of situation in Red Fountain where a boy would graduate without a team. Granted, those were all exceptions, for kids who would only join is in their senior year, possibly halfway through. It's not standard, but we do have a protocol for it, and Riven's place in Red Fountain is not standard either, so we would make it work."

Sky paused to think. On one hand, he wanted nothing more than to beat Riven to a pulp and never see him again. On the other hand, he couldn't help but remember how it was before. He and Riven were never particularly close, but Riven wasn't close to anyone in the squad. He and Darcy got together early on and he spent most of his free time with her- but how much of it was his choice? How much of Riven's life was spent under influence while Sky and Brandon chuckled about how crazy about her he was, and admitting to each other wishing they too had such a relationship? Sky remembered the worry he felt when Riven, ever the idiot, went head to head with a minotaur, or the sheer cold dread he felt when he pulled him out of the river in the Black Mud swamp, the other boy not breathing- the relief he felt when Riven started coughing out the water after CPR. Granted, he'd be relieved to watch anyone not drown, but it was personal with Riven.

And the thought of the guy spending the next two year alone… Riven may be acting a lone wolf, but Red Fountain was a place for packs.

He unconsciously rubbed the scar on his forearm where Riven bit him during their first fight.

"Fine" he finally said, crossing his arms. "I say yes"

[bellalampwickrossi]

Disney Descendants: Run Little Donkey Girl, Run. For The Villain Hannah Hook au

Co written by me and @hannahhook7744

Song being parodied: Fall Little Wendy Bird Fall.

Who wrote the original song: Lydia the Bard.

[Hannah Hook sits on the throne of Auradon, looking at Tulip through the blade Harry's broken cutlass]:

Little girl, you've no idea what you've got yourself into:

Stand your ground for a night and think the world's made for you.

Well, I've tried too hard to see all of my work come undone,

So better trot on home real fast…

[Tulip gives a motivational speech to her tribe]:

I see the way your people look at you with tears in their eyes,

Soon they’ll start to have some hope in their  lives.

Well I won't let you tempt them,

They are mine to deflect. 

No use reminding them of what they lost.

[Hannah grits her teeth as a little golden Neverland appears, clenching her fist so that it crumbles out of her sight]:

You don't seem to quite understand what is at stake…

This messed up little world that I had to break…

If I could give you back your home you know that would, But it will do more harm than good! 

[More golden little miniatures appear that Hannah has to crush with tears in her eyes]:

So why don't you run?

Run,  little Donkey girl, run!

Why don't you run ?

Run,  little Donkey girl, run!

[The Killer Queen gets control of her magic back and makes a little figure of Tulip appear, before transforming it into a donkey and making it run]:

Swear it's nothing personal,

It's just a necessary evil…

Why don't you Run ?

Run, donkey girl , run 

[The figure starts to crumble]:

Some would say I'm quick to rage,

But they’ve never seen my life. 

Fighting all day and night, just to survive!

Tulip, sweetie, you have picked the wrong girl to fight

[Hannah Hook looks fondly at her crew and the children in it as they play with Harriet, before getting a hardened look in her eye. Remembering what Auradon did to Harry and Cj, and their friends]:

I will protect what is mine…

[Tulip is planning a strategy of attack with Pin and Princess Eleanor of Llyr, who’s kingdom has just joined the fight]:

A nasty little ass that must be killed and put down,

Starting revolutions inside my kingdom is just not allowed!

If ending errant rebellions is what I must do…

Then, sugar I'll be coming for you!

[Lampwick is trying to talk Tulip out of doing this, scared she might get hurt or worse killed]:

So why don't you Run?

(Why don't you Run?)

Run, little Donkey girl , run!

Why don't you run?

(Why don't you run?)

run, little donkey girl, run!

[Tulip gives her dad, Lampwick, one last hug before setting out to purposefully get herself captured by Hannah’s Crew in hopes that Princess Eleanor and her tribe will be able to ambush Hannah while she’s busy trying to kill her]:

Swear it's nothing personal..

It's just a necessary evil!

Why don't you…RUN?!

(Ruuuuuuuuun).

Ruuuuun, little donkey girl, RUN!

(Why don't you run?)

[Tulip is captured, by Hannah ,  tied up and taken to a secluded place where the pirate girl can drown her]:

Oh, oh…

(Why don't you run?)

Oh, oh…

(Why don't you run?)

Oh, oh…

(Why don't you run?)

Oh…

(Run.)

Oh…

Why don't you run?!

[Tulip tries to Talk Hannah Down from drowning her, telling her that she can be the bigger person etc etc. 

But the other teen just shakes her head, eyes lifeless]:Run, little donkey, run.

Or did it slip your mind?

You need three things to survive. 

Let's see you try when I triple up mine…

[Hannah's hands start glowing and a wave appears out of the fountain, overshadowing both of them]: Why don't you Run?!

Run, little Donkey girl , run!

I'm gonna drown your ass,

Cut your air.

Honey you won't...

Even care!

Now that you're having fun…

Why don't you...

Run?!

[Princess Eleanor sneakily sneaks up behind Hannah and stabs her in the back but not the heart while she’s distracted, but doesn’t doesn’t kill her, showing mercy to Hannah Like Tulip suggested.

A mistake.

Hannah flings her hand back—eyes glowing black with fury—sending Eleanor flying out the nearest window. Sending members of Tulip’s tribe flying back as they try to apprehend her. Calling in her crew, who throw them out of the castle. Mostly unharmed. 

Eleanor can be seen lying on the ground: heavily injured—wings broken—but not dead. One of the few near casualties of this fight.

Tulip gives Hannah a stoic but also heartbroken look as she helps an injured Eleanor up .

All while Hannah Hook holds one of the toddlers of her crew, coldly staring down at them: all while the oblivious toddler waves goodbye to them].

[raw-law]

oh, you people want more stories? gladly.

mild tw for injury, nothing graphic

so as a younger child, i went to the zoo quite frequently. and this zoo had an area with goats and a bunch of little machines where if you put a quarter in and turned a handle you'd get a little treat for the goats. i, the dumbass that i am, rested my hand on top while talking to my friend who was with us. she decided to try and get food from the dispenser without putting a quarter in. i couldn't move away fast enough, and my middle finger got caught in the machine. it hurt like HELL. my mom had to pry my hand out with a plastic spoon and there were So many people watching. my mom called my friend's mom to take her home and then took me to the ER. i got a splint on my middle finger but i wasn't brave enough to flip off the nurse who put it on. shame, it would have been so funny...

-rainbow dash

Light:

Okay, that's actually terrifying. Is your middle finger okay now...

Interesting story though, your life is certainly rather amusing (if that's the right word? I can't find an equivalent English translation...). Sorry that I can't really give any reply, but I do enjoy reading these, so if you'd like to tell us more, feel free to!

L:

my god.. i mean, flipping off the nurse would've been pretty funny, but i too am more concerned with the state of your finger.... oh dear..

i don't have many stories about injuries that i can trade with you, but for some reason this reminds me of an incident i witnessed in germany once. (further warning for violence between animals)

i can't remember what the name of the place was, but it was the first monument i visited upon arrival (it was close to where i was staying and it seemed neat so i wanted to visit). it was this building with large statues at the pillars of it and a just as large fountain in the middle. it looked really nice, and i got to sit at the edge of the fountain to admire how pretty it all looked.

i also happened to sit next to two crows who were having a roman level fight with each other on the ledge of the fountain.

my first day in germany was the day i witnessed two crows duke it out on a water fountain, with the winning bird pushing the other into said fountain, holding it down in the water to ensure that it drowned, and then just flying off without a word.

...

i think i know why a flock of crows is called a murder now.

[elsewhereuniversity]

What would happen if I looked at my own reflection in the forever broken fountain for too long? Is it supposed to make the world feel distant and strange? Is it supposed to make it feel as if I am drowning with each breath? I don't remember how long I stood there. I don't remember any of my classes. I don't remember my name. I haven't been able to see myself in anything else. I... I don't think I am, anymore. I don't think I will be until I find my reflection again. Do you know where I lost it?

Staring at your own reflection for too long is well document to fuck with your head, but no - it’s not supposed to make you feel as though your are drowning. Nor making you lose time. Nor make you lose memories. It sounds increasingly as if your reflection managed to pull the ol’ switcheroo that is the goal of all reflections.

So: you are likely in the mirrors now. Find your way through the empty world, even the echoing, infinite areas where is no reflective puddle or glass window to give it shape. Make your way to your dorm, with its hand mirrors and bathroom mirrors and full-length mirrors on the backs of doors and tiny mirrors inside makeup cases. There are other places you can go, but this one is easiest, because your mirror self will not want to arouse suspicion by deviating from routine. If you are lucky you may be able to hunt them down, stalking them across their reflections until you can pull them back into the glass and free yourself. If you are very lucky, you will be able to do this before you forget why exactly you want so badly to take your reflection’s place.

[arthropod-concoctions]

part 9 (final part)

Joel tried to resist the grip pulling him into the water, but found himself overwhelmed as his head was pulled under the surface. Images started to flash in his mind, some looking familiar to him, some not so much. The Mezalean Palace, in all its glory. A little house on a hill, burning to ashes. Jimmy- the Codfather- fleeing from a shaking machine with count fWhip. Jimmy- the Sheriff- shouting at him for stealing his hat. Running with an army of wolves, chasing people he didn't recognise. A rectangular edge surrounding all of it, the whole Universe contained within a-

You see it now, right? Joel heard himself saying. All of this is Lore. EVERYTHING is Lore! Without it, we wouldn't even exist!

The visions continued on. All the emperors jumping over a table, fighting over a crown. A figure covered in shadows summoning massive tentacles from the ground. Himself rapping to fWhip while jimmy beatboxes. He wasn't really beatboxing, the music was playing in a different

All of it was dizzying to Joel. Is this just what it's constantly like in your head? He said.

Yeah, pretty much, was the reply. I know everything that's ever happened. Cool, right?

This is a nightmare. I almost feel bad for you.

While still overwhelming, Joel was beginning to see some coherence in the flashes of vision. Twelve rulers, sitting around a campfire, ready to face the world. Joel wandering off, looking for a location to settle. Joel ignoring the nagging feeling tugging him towards the mesa; Jimmy had already claimed that land. How did he know that?

Feel bad? You shouldn't feel bad, you should be jealous. This doesn't bother me at all. The Lore fixed that weird feeling I had, and made me a perfect, handsome god on top of that!

But Joel had seen Joel's face in the fountain. The Lore was affecting him, even if he didn't notice it. And with visions of everything that had ever happened at his fingertips, Joel was beginning to get an understanding of how this had happened. Gradually, he managed to steer the visions so he could see the picture clearly.

The twelve original rulers, all dying or disappearing. The Universe reviving them one by one. The Universe trying to reincarnate someone that had never died, and succeeding. But not quite. A group call to discuss the start of a new season. Joel coming across a magical fountain. Joel jumping into the fountain, and feeling it fill the gaping hole in his soul with knowledge that could never properly fit inside. Joel emerging from the fountain with everything he'd ever wanted, and the knowledge that none of it was real.

Wait, how are you doing that? It's supposed to just wash over you, you can't just...

The Lore didn't fix you at all. You were never meant to exist like this. It was neither the king of Mezalea nor the god of Stratos speaking. A fractured mind couldn't possibly handle this state of being, but a whole one might. Joel reached out toward himself.

What? STOP THAT! Joel retreated, and the visions flew into disarray again. Joel sending messages to Sausage along with their child. Joel repeatedly coming up with new ways to make the same joke at Jimmy's expense. Joel never knowing why he did it, just that he was supposed to.

Face it, Joel. You don't have any of this under control. But at least you'll have it stop controlling you, if you'd just work with me here.

A moment of quiet. If there was one thing Joel didn't like, it was someone else being better than him at his own game. Two mirror images slowly coming together.

Let's fix this error. It was both the king of Mezalea and the god of Stratos speaking.

…

………

Joel lifted his head up out of the water, gasping for air. He breathed heavily for a few seconds until he remembered that, as a statue and as an immortal god, he was never at any actual risk of drowning. He stood up, and looked down at himself.

He was dressed in a toga coloured a regal purple. His skin was made of perfect terracotta, and his fingernails were white as quartz. He had a well-trimmed beard and a normal, respectable height. Nice, he thought to himself as he stepped onto the street.

Hermes had wandered towards the fountain, and was now looking at Joel with big eyes. “Hey Hermes,” Joel said as he picked the boy up, “D'you like the new look?” Hermes gestured towards him, and then towards the fountain of Lore. “You want to play in the fountain? Maybe later. Daddy's got some stuff to do now.” He kissed Hermes' forehead, then gently put him down again. The boy nodded, then ran back towards his house, jumping over the gaps in the street without a second thought.

Gosh, he's adorable. And I couldn't even recognise him earlier, Joel thought. Maybe lore isn't all bad. But there was something more important than Lore to think about right now: getting back to Jimmy. He'd made a promise, after all. He spread his wings and began flying the familiar route towards Tumble Town.

While taking off, he noticed the outskirts of Critter City from the corner of his eye. It really is a shame me and Lizzie aren't married anymore though, he thought. But he wasn't too upset about it. After all, he could always just get up and-

Flying into the valley of Tumble Town, Joel saw Jimmy pacing back and forth near the unfinished track. Looked like he hadn't made much progress since Joel departed. As he descended, Jimmy heard him approaching and looked up- and his face dropped. It occurred to Joel that Jimmy would have no idea of what just happened.

Joel touched down next to Jimmy. “Hey, Jim,” he said, and smiled to him. “I'm back!”

“You're back. You- what did you do? Why are you wearing his clothing now?” Jimmy didn't sound at all happy to see him.

“Well, I talked to myself, then had a fight with myself, then nearly drowned in a one block deep fountain... but the point is, I solved the conflict. It's all good now.”

Jimmy wasn't satisfied with that explanation. “Oh, you solved the conflict did you? But what about me, then? Have you made friends just to team up against me? Are you-” Jimmy abruptly interrupted himself, and tilted his head while looking at Joel, squinting. “Did you get taller?”

“Yes, I did. I also got shorter. Look, Jimmy, I don't think you understand what's happened. This,” he gestured at his own body, “Is the new and improved Joel. Not the old Joel, not the new and kind of broken Joel, but both of them fused together to form one, somewhat functional person.”

Jimmy was still squinting. “So, you're both the Joels fused together then?”

“Yep. And I'm still the god of Stratos, but... I haven't broken that promise I made. I'd like to also still be your friend. So, I wanted to apologise for all the mocking I've been doing.” Joel held out his hand towards Jimmy. “Maybe we can start over clean.”

Jimmy still seemed skeptical. “And... you're not gonna call me a toy anymore?”

“Nope. I'll even take down the alien from the hill.” It was a good joke, but there comes a point where even a good joke gets stretched too thin. He'd have to come up with some new jokes, but that should probably wait a while.

“Well...” Jimmy cracked a smile, and took Joel's hand with his own. “Alright then. We'll give it a try.”

And as they shook hands, Joel's broken heart was finally starting to mend.

(ch 1 | ch 8)

[tempestforged]

-> THE SEA RAISED TO EMBRACE him with his every step, tides singing lovingly with every step into cool embrace, there would be no rain today, merely remembrance for a dearly departed FRIEND who'd once tugged him from the very waves that welcomed him HOME. he remembers how Egeria pulled him from the depths, telling him of the beautiful city that SANG in unison with the waves that whispered of the HUMANS who adored their sweet lullabies.

She knew, of course she did, of his nature, of the way the tides and CREATURES of the deep bowed and BENT to his presence. She merely laughed and recited that all familiar rhyme that spread far and wide for centuries, "Hydro Dragon, Hydro Dragon please don't cry," with her all too familiar smile in a way befitting the beloved archon.

Even now, he remembers her ever present grace, how she'd looked at the mark of Apaosha looming ominously against the sky before placing the child, her child, into his arms and swearing him to keep her precious FURINA safe, to watch her grow and gently guide her into becoming a beloved archon.

Furina had merely been the first of many children to be left into his care, the first of many endless days of rain as he MOURNED. He remembers the weeping skies opening up, how the rain whispered for his dear beloved Egeria who sealed away the cursed gateways with her very being. He mourns for the child who locked her emotions away beneath that ACCURSED fountain, who locked away such precious laughter in her attempts to live up to the legacy of a woman who's very spirit caused all manner of being and beast to flock to his home.

how he wished Elynas could have arrived sooner than that great calamity, to have met the woman that SHAPED the seas the great serpent called home. he knew the serpent could not be allowed to remain, remembers the smile upon the face of the Melusine form they took as their soul returned to the sea of stars far above. He had mourned for ELYNAS too, before a creature, a Melusine had wandered close to recite that BELOVED rhyme while reaching to bring him to meet her siblings with such a happy smile on her face, telling of how they couldn't wait to meet FATHER.

the Melusines had seemed to reawaken the parts of Furina he thought lost, reigniting such precious sparks that had seemed to drown beneath the weight of the HYDRO gnosis. how she seemed to stop throwing every ounce of emotion into the fountain in her attempts to live up to those who came before.

a sigh, shaking his head to rid himself of the thoughts, coming to terms with where the tides carried their SOVEREIGN, tired eyes taking in the familiar shape of the lair in which Egeria had pulled him from so long ago, his COURT in which the sleeping SOVEREIGN had once ruled so long ago.

"From the tides we rise, spiralling ever higher with every waking moment," how unfamiliar his voice sounded, echoing impossibly beneath the seas as creatures began to flock to him once more. he doubted any vision bearers would reach the depths in which he felt content to release his control on the AUTHORITY written upon his very soul. " UNTIL eventually the tides begin to call us homeward once more."

"ONTO the tides, I do declare, I am he to whom all tides return, the Sovereign to which all seas are bound. With this declaration I announce unto Irminsul my return amongst mortals." Tired breaths escape the mimicry of humanity his form took, wondering if Egeria and Elynas would laugh at how the waves seemed to curl lovingly at his return, at a long overdue assumption of authority shunned for the sake of those he considered his wards.

"ALAS, how I wished it was you to see them through his FORSAKEN judgement my dear Egeria..."

[murmuringwater]

Strange, difficult feelings. At one moment, love swells, and in the other, I fall into despair, my tears drowning everything. When I am talking to the pharmacist and accidentally say "my husband" instead of "my boyfriend" when I went to the eczane on my break to buy him a dermatological cream and I suppose I decided in a split second that husband was a more fitting term, for whatever reason, it startles me. The size and weight of my love for him startle me, because I can't find a solid enough reason for them and yet... they're there and guide my entire life as of present! The same size and weight threaten to crush me when there's a clash between us, and once again I remember the vastness of the abyss separating us both, and a part of me feels desperate, claustrophobic; is this it? Will I marry and live out my one precious life with a man who does love me while he does not understand me, and might never do?

I tried to communicate this as gently as I could, both the love and the sting, but of course it didn't go over quite well, and my torrent of tears (today I started and finished The Penelopiad, and identified myself to the point of pain with the following quotes: "I cried so much I thought I would turn into a river or a fountain, as in the old tales.” and “Excessive weeping, I might as well tell you now, is a handicap of the Naiad-born. I spent at least a quarter of my earthly life crying my eyes out.") certainly didn't help in the delivery of my points. I have always been a big crier, but nowadays, my crying comes out more forcefully than before — maybe my body finally feels allowed to quake and tremble far away from the reach of my father — and drains me, leaving me with none of the sense of resolution I used to have after a big cry. Now, even if I feel less pressure building up inside after the deed is done, everything feels unresolved, and I know not the quiet and heavy peace I used to as my tears dry on my face. It feels unjust, even. Why does crying, my one great escape, fail me now more than before? Now, now that I am in my own place and share a roof with someone who really loves me and is never mean to me, or cruel, or frightening? Who holds me as my body trembles and curls in itself, waves of monstrous feeling beating upon my shores? Shouldn't I experience more peace now? Shouldn't things be better?

It's of no consequence. I will still weep, and weep, and feel guilty about the feelings that drove me to tears anyway, along with a mounting sense of dread + injustice + pain hovering over me, until one day I don't. I hope. And maybe, then, I will have become a fountain.

[issak]

So last month my friends and I decided to give Terraria a second chance, a game we tried to conquer Years ago, and although we came really far, for one reason or another we simply stop playing right after defeating Golem.

I knew nothing then, and was playing catch up constantly, but it was fun regardless, I really took to the building aspect, and the base dean role. I found the summoner class fascinating at the time, with the Terraprisma as the ultimate Goal in sight.

But that was then and this is NOW, and this is all about the 𝙎𝙪𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝘽𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙙 [a mount-summoning item that summons a rideable Lava Shark Mount] AND Melee DAMAGE!!!!!

So imagine if you will, you are in hell, fishing in lava, as one does, when you reel in this haul, and as you are reading the item description you decide to give it a go, why not, you got not ride yet, the good ones are all endgame anyways (you foolishly think to yourself) and as soon as the fish touch the lava your neck almost immediately breaks due to the whiplash, this thing is FAST Boys, Remember you are in Pre-hardmode, Wall of flesh is a future thing, nor even a prospect, There is NOTHING this fast at this stage of the game.

And it is then that you are hit with a REVELATION ..... Can ... Can I use this... like .... Like effectively? surely not.... I mean lava is so BRIGHT, you can't See SQUAT while swimming in it, can you swim on anything else besides lava though ?

Well YOU CAN, and you don't loose any speed.

So water clearly is the way to go, just craft a water breathing potion so your new best friend doesn't drown you while riding him, at this point You are GONE nay CONSUMED by an idea instill [υη∂єяωαтєя вσѕѕ αяєηα] your mind whispers like it's forbidden knowledge, and you simply MUST you just MUST, so what if you Terraform one of your 2 oceans into a massive multilayered Boss arena, completed with automatic heart dispensers on 1/4 tic timers, and bubble Honey stations for extra healing, imported biome water fountains to overwrite the red hues of the blood moons to bright light blue, Now your Shellphone can teleport you directly to the boss arena at the edge of the world, no Pylon no custom Spawn point (no big loss), so what if you had to learn about Gemspark Walls and painstakingly "intall" those LEDs all over the ocean floor/ floating lamps {one at a time} with your optimized builder loadout, so you can Actually see what's happening during the Darn fight...

 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I had a Goal, an objective 【D】【u】【k】【e】 【F】【i】【s】【h】【r】【o】【n】 Taking the Arena for a spin against the 3 Mechanical bosses at the same time was my test run, since the moment I fished Zephir from the lava all of these thoughts came to me, I had to try, somebody had to try, this must be viable, I just don't want to go at him with endgame gear, I already have 8  Truffle Worm to use as bait.

I think ...this is doable, a just need to NOT panic, for example, I can't believe I forgot to summon my SUMMONS , I could had had 4 FOUR!!! during this fight, UGHHHHH what a waste of accessory slot, that was free damage, WHY DIDNT I PRESS THE FREE DAMAGE BOTTOM .

So yeah that's what I've up to, I'm very normal about my hyper fixations

[wardenred]

Sapphic September 9: Time Warp

Yet another free writing exercise, pretty much.

There's this one magical summer evening that is going to last forever. I go there every time I'm sad. Sometimes, I mess things up, but that's fine. I can always come back again and fix things. As long as that time distortion behind the old oak tree exists, nothing can stop me.

* * *

On that evening, we keep meeting for the first time, Erin and I. Every time I step around the oak and open my eyes, I'm seventeen again, and so is she. She is sitting on a bench between two blooming bird cherries, her legs stretched out, her guitar case propped against her thigh. In her hands, there's that phone that now looks ancient to me, a glossy red thing with a flip screen and actual buttons. She's poking at it, a small frown creasing her brow. She is beautiful. 

Then she looks up and sees me, and her frown turns into a tiny surprised smile, and I fall in love at the first glance all over again.

* * *

I like visiting that evening when we fight. It doesn't happen often, mind you, but sometimes, things get out of hand, you know? Our friends think we're this super solid ride or die couple, but once you've been together for a decade and a half, stuff tends to amass. Little grievances, silly hurts. Sometimes, life gets stressful and we unload all of that on top of each other, and then I cry, and Erin sulks, and we stick to the different parts of the house for a while.

Sooner or later, I head off to the park and walk around the tree. In the past, everything is simple and sunny and we have no history yet. Only a big, bright, everything-is-possible-and-nothing-hurts future.

* * *

Sometimes when I'm in the past, I try out different things. I wear fake personalities like gloves: one time I'm a manic pixie dream girl, another time I'm an aloof goth princess. I flirt more than I would have known how at seventeen—and frankly more than I would these days, too. I call Erin by her name before she introduces herself. I tell her I'm from the future. I tell her I'm her soulmate. I do all sorts of crazy things.

About half of the time, I end up having fun. We end up having fun. We laugh together, we stay out after dark, we explore the city. Some of those starts feel even better than the real one. But when I come back around the oak, my present life is never the way I left it. My keys don't match my locks. I can't get into my own phone. The barista at the coffee shop across the street doesn't recognize me.

There is no Erin.

It's like there was only ever one way for us to click for life. It was a miracle, really, how we drew that single lucky ticket on the first try.

So most of the time, I simply reenact our original first meeting. Over and over. Over and over.

She looks up at me and smiles. I duck my head and remember how I asked myself why I blushed. I ask her for the time. She asks me why I'm soaking wet. I tell her I just jumped into the fountain. She asks, "No shit?" I shrug. She asks me why. I lie to her and tell her it was on a dare, and then I spin a tale about some friend who pushed me to do it.

This is the part I most wish I could change. That friend, you see, is imaginary. There was no dare. I only jumped because I wanted to see what drowning would be like. If that was something I might like. I had this notion that maybe it would feel nice, like letting go, and that maybe I would stay under until everything was over. I didn't want to die, but I didn't not want it.

I was seventeen and slightly unhinged. My life was drama. Don't sue.

Anyway, I came up for air in under a minute. And then I met Erin and dying was the last thing on my mind.

But that's the one lie I've told her and never cleared up: that I was there with some friend who was visiting from another town, that it was my friend's idea. Back when everything was still new and nebulous, I wanted to tell her the truth but I didn't know how. And then when things got more solid, more real—well. I knew even less. Because by then, my non-existent friend Tricia was kind of a fixture in our lives. I kept mentioning her. It seemed like a good idea. Erin asked questions. Tricia got a life. A personality. Then moved to Australia to explain why she never visited.

We still bring Tricia up sometimes, even though she and I have officially lost touch. Just the other day when we were celebrating our anniversary Erin said how strange it was she never got to meet the person who'd essentially brought us together.

So, yeah. This is my least favorite part. The one I've most often tried to tweak behind the oak. But every time I tell her the truth, I come back home and my life has no Erin in it.

* * *

What does it say about us that our one lucky ticket is made of lies?

I don't know. When I think about it too hard, we end up arguing. Like this morning.

I guess I'm going around the oak later today.