#now I am truly emotional
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Anger is such a normal part of recovery, and I wish it were normalized. I think it is genuinely harmful to depict recovery as this era of your life that only sets you free and makes you euphoric, and there will never again be a cloud in the sky because you have Ultimately Healed.
It's the fucking opposite sometimes. Recovery can feel violent, because the things you are recovering from are often (though not always) violent. It is so common to feel white-hot rage, grief, catharsis, elation, numbness - in essence, a whole host of emotions that aren't pretty, or aren't simple little categories to be neatly boxed and sorted and understood by the "normals."
Those recovering: Your emotions are real, and they aren't bad. You aren't a bad person for how you are processing and healing. You, however, aren't alone. You are doing so fucking well, no matter what it is you are healing from or for. I genuinely hope you can be proud of that.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#recovery#the first time i actually *let* myself feel anger and rage was truly the point i felt free#because throughout my time trying to recover i was TERRIFIED and HORRIFIED that i could feel those Bad Emotions#and that rage hit me suddenly because i couldn't hold that anger in anymore#it's almost funny to me now though#me driving: 😀 || my brain: I Am So Fucking Irate About [recovery thing] I Never Deserved That || me: 🤬#i know for a fact that i have talked about this but i quite literally still need to talk about this
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aabria. your mind.
i don't know how long a gap there is between episodes. but how long did she have to create a player has died mechanic?? how long did she have to rewrite this island to make sure it could bring evan back to life????? how did she have fulfilling answers to everyone's questions when they're all so different and broad and needed meaningful answers?????
and How On Earth Did She Already Have Jammers Sock On Hand ??????
#crying screaming throwing up#literally in tears this whole episode#whatever people who have only seen mismag s1 think the vibe of s2 is#are wrong#this is so drastically different in a way that. even knowing the vibe would be different. i could never have predicted#and im so here for it#but Damn am i an emotional wreck now#its such a good season and truly. cannot recommend it enough.#aabria my beloved#misfits and magic#misfits and magic season 2#mismag#mismag s2#d20#dimension 20#dropout
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I'm going back to bed the moment I post this but I've been having a super rough and stressful night... so for whatever reason I went back to read some of the kind asks I've received since I saved a lot... some since the first time I started writing... and I got so emotional and just began sobbing haha.... I can't believe how lucky I am...... I love writing so much.........
#I'm sorry I think I'm just in an emotional mood today lol#like I forget all the time that#people actually read the things I write#when I thought no one ever would#when I dreamed of wanting to make my silly dreams a reality#and I have so much to improve upon still#but like. I did that#I made all those things#wiping my snot and tears on my big fat aki plushie rn#for so so so long I felt I could never be myself#but now there are so many people who appreciate me when I am being the most true version of myself...#I just read one of the asks someone sent me where they said#'i think with your writing I can tell just how much you love to write'#and then it just made me burst into tears lol....#it's so lovely that someone would say that and YES!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!#THAT'S WHY I NEVER WANT TO GIVE UP....#I hope I can find more time to write next week......#also I know it's such a silly thing to say#considering I enjoy writing silly x reader gratuitous smut fanfiction LMAO#but understand..... it's important to me...#as silly as it is.......... it's important#and it's special#and I'm truly grateful
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3/4 of the expected surgery cost in a single afternoon, what the hell man lol
i will never feel normal ever again, words truly cannot express
#like i am going through some very complicated emotions rn on top of everything but i just really#this is truly beyond my comprehension#and everyone whose name I don't recognize should confess your crimes so i can thank you properly#also fear not the cat is definitely not going anywhere now#and at this point it looks like unless the bill i get from the mechanic is like the absolute worst possible case#the ducks should be staying too#i am overwhelmed by the kindness of friends and even strangers#i will never emotionally recover djsjjsdj
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the never stop blowing up vhs is where cute twinks go to get harmed
#not art#nsbu spoilers#kirk blade.... johnny manhattan..... maybe tenuously cosmo chase#also genuinely I Love that vic ethanol is showing himself to be bit of a dick#and kingskin conversely First Actual Communication With The Player is like. idk I just work here#(I am vibrating in my seat abt liv bloodlust. shes experiencing a bit of emotional consequence. hope she powers thru it and#becomes even worse)#I also love that g13 and jack manhattan are both like. gone#I know in adventuring party they're charting it to shape up as like. usha also slowly losing herself to the work like g13 did#and them becoming one entity entirely in the sense that their selves stop mattering in the face of their hacker capacity#(also called the Forum Moderator Dilemma)#but I also like to think that g13 handed it back to usha cleanly in the second episode with that one interaction#and is now fully unplugged from everything. left the movie. man is Sleeping#we all agree that paula ate jack manhattan tho I think it's fine to assume that#and! the way russell has been like. fully going whole hog full tilt into helping other people and moving the plot along#while Suggesting That Doing Self Reflection And Learning Lessons From This World Might Help to Other People#like I love that. 1/lieutenant syndrome but also 2/extremely transfem coded#like past the ''ohh I have realisationd I'm coming to'' stage. far past. man is bored with thinking abt genders#not new realisation to him! had that thought two decades ago. not motivated enough by anything to change anything#I think I just love the scenario of like magical mystical journey in a fantasy world clearly designed to make you contemplate ur gender#and ur like oh no what? we did that years ago. whats up#deeply interested tho. open up russell we wanna see whats up with u#dang is perfect no note 10/10 more important than anything else he is genre aware and savvy and that truly is all he needs here#the ''let's make it fun'' scene he does with liv is SO good I love him. Im so scared the vhs will snatch him away. hes too genre perfect
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I've started to ascribe emotional and intellectual meaning to the prayers we say in shul, so now I can properly beseech g-d when I pray with everyone else
And I've got to say, there's something really special about it. I recommend beseeching Him as often as possible
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#as in i don't need to read the english translation i can just understand as we pray#i never got being emotional when in prayer and whatnot but now i do#i'm just grateful for this because i was worried i would never be able to truly understand what i am praying#especially because my shul does english and hebrew mixed#me praying עשה שלום like we will never be granted peace otherwise 😂#that prayer is just special to me okay
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Y'know I really feel like Harry and Dave's relationship goes highly unexplored which is a shame because there IS quite a bit to explore, ESPECIALLY if you care about shipping. But as the game stands I mean, they must be aware of each other. Harry in fact definitely knows about Dave. I don't think he'd tell the fucking weird rotten bunny his terrible boss brought in IS the number one threat against Freddy's since day 1 but even so. Dave I don't think would see Harry as much more than A Phoney™ though, which is always more of an obstacle and way less of a person. Which is usually opposite of how Jack sees his often sole employee. Like, you get what I mean? It's almost similar to 2 with the main opposing routes being Peter and Dave except the stakes are arguably way lower now.
#luly talks#dsaf#dsaf harry#dsaf dave#harry fitzgerald#dave miller#if you DO care about shipping however the meat to chew on becomes greater#i think dave bond w Phoneys in general goes fairly unexplored which is once again A Shame bc i do like the hypocrisy he holds#in more than one way they mirror each other#now im just getting emotional and derailed now im literally just thinking of steven that's NOT da point now 💥💥💥#point is i do think you'd take this to a weird domesticating route or simply a more. goofy love triangle one#i mean dave does say he'll win Jack back which is peak divorced line#so its like. a tug war. except Harry isn't like peter who was like employee for the love of god i need your help#harry is pretty passive like Sir. This is urgent but it is your choice ☹️#sorry my meds are kicking in what am i even saying anymore?#i feel like that NyQuil post im for sure gonna shit the bed tonight#i digress anyway point being i think you'd go many places with this concept#you'd just have them coexist in a way the game doesn't explore. you'd have it just plaguing Jack's mind.#you'd have a one sided rivalry. you'd have a STRAIGHT UP RIVALRY. you'd have tragedy and agony in planet earth#which i saw be touched up on once by that one artist who draws jack like he never left the 80s mullet and all. muppety too.#iykyk there's like 6 harrysport artists overall you'll figure what i mean#and yeah you'd even have a somewhat functional jack having two hands. which is something taps chest i truly think could happen#i believe un love and peace and chsnge and healing and#and copium first and foremost ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️#my body feels so heavy its hard to leep my eyes open
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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got my first job interview in like 10+ years tomorrow, frantically cramming and writing down questions to ask etc wish me luckkkkk
#quitting your job blind and emigrating is fun and all#until you realise you now need to do job application stuff again#truly the most cursed of human activities#also this is not even a job i massively want or anything#it's p low down my list but they're the first to offer an interview so#here's hoping i hear back from the better school with a better position#i am prepping#which means i have downloaded Saw 5 to watch as soon as i get home and stocked the cupboard with emotional distress snacks#my saw trap would be writing a cover letter and then making a phone call to arrange an interview#and i'd fail and get my leg bones sucked out by a jigsaw bone sucking device (tm)
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Thank fucking god for doctors who give a shit about your health. I just met my new doctor who is going to be prescribing my T and I feel so relieved to have someone who actually CARES
#to make a long story short. right after I logged off tumblr in may my endo wrote my T script wrong and the pharmacy couldn’t fill it#I spent a month fighting with her office and my pharmacies (2 of them because my doctor told me it was the pharmacies fault)#the entire month of June I was not able to give myself any t injections and I got my period on my birthday#I made 1 phone call to my primary care doctor on the verge of losing my mind and she was able to get my my T within 3 hours#and now the doctor that trains her and her staff on gender affirming care is now my doctor#my old endo that wrote the script wrong called me a liar and her office treated me like shit. I hope they burn in hell#they upped my T dosage and then I had none for a month. you can not begin to understand the emotional whiplash I was having#I really truly do not understand how I survived. there would be days I would be crying and having panic attacks non stop#and now I have a doctor who I can talk to day or night. and not have to worry about a thing#yapping#anyways. I love you my new doctor. I am finally safe#jasperbarks
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live reaction to the phineas and jonas scene in Trustfall
#it was an impulsive moment between two people who have spent a very long time feeling intense feelings#towards each other in a Very Intense Environment and now they're free they have no idea what the emotions mean and what to do with them#midst#midst spoilers#i think this is. a very exciting and interesting and in retrospect understandable dynamic for these characters#which also caught me completely off guard even despite the art for the scene#my personal prediction is#if it does ultimately turn out to be long-term romantic then yeah. i see it. its still a very cool and interesting development#but (and this is very biased personally as an aro person) assuming the Intense Feeling Must Be Romantic before ultimately realising it isn'#is cool to me!#either way. great episode. great scene. truly the two paladins of all time#and i am equal parts excited and absolutely terrified for the last 3 eps#also to go back to the screenshot: it was posted in a server where sadly no one listens to midst (despite my best efforts)#and i will not be elaborating on the nickname#i'm done now. maybe i will phrase these thoughts better when i am sober and havent worked 13 hours. c'est la vie#everyone listen to midst
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I loove the android robin au it's really one of the most interesting au I have seen in a while.
I am always happy to see new post abt it
Also making my favourite characters go through hell and then receiving comfort from their people is like the best thing ever for me so every time I see a whump!Robin post I like automatically
People loving android!Robin makes me so happy anansnssndsnsns she's curious and excitable and full of wonder and the world keeps punishing her for simply being alive. Sometimes it's too painful even for me, big whump lover 😭😭 though seriously, there is not enough Robin whump, and while all the characters in the show are very whumpeable, hurting my little blorbo Robin feels special because... she's just so deeply lonely. She's lonely and she thinks she deserves to be because of something wrong with her (pulling this interpretation from Surviving Hawkins lore which is canon to me 😭). That was a big idea I had when I first came up with android!Robin... that there is something wrong with her. Broken. In this AU she's literally broken in a lot of way (battery and memory problems, weak joints in her lower half, etc), but that's all within the range of normal robot problems. The real issue with her is that she's sentient. It terrifies people because it really brings out the existencial horror of... well, existing. It terrifies Robin most of all. She is the problem. She is what's wrong with her. She shouldn't exist.
But at the same time, she loves being alive so much! She doesn't understand it and doesn't know how it happened, but it happened, and now she's real and wants to experience life and the world and know people like human beings do. So it's her constant battle to become human despite humans having hurt her so much in the past... only for Nancy to already see her as human. Just one made of metal and plastic, but human nonetheless. She's the first person to see her that way and maybe everyone else thinks she's crazy, but Nancy is used to that. She's so sure of this, though, of Robin's self-awareness. She trusts her so blindly. She doesn't even need proof. And not only does she believe her, but she defends her humanity in front of her friends and family so ardently, fighting so hard for Robin to be aknowledged by everyone else as human. Fighting so hard to give her a home and family for the first time in her life.
Nancy has it bad for Robin, really. She's just so in love, even if everyone else thinks she's crazy for falling in love with a machine (no one thinks she is, though, because they all know Robin, and once you know Robin, it's impossible not to love her).
#ronance#android!Robin AU#robin buckley#😭😭 every day im emotional about her at 4 am#ok nice things now:#nancy takes her shopping for the first time! because robin never quite developed her own style#and being a girly girl to Nancy clothes are such a big part of your identity#robin finds these cool chains peoole wear as necklaces and bracelets and all these rings and she loves how they all look on her#and this jacket with different patches on it... she never thought she'd be the kind of girl to like shopping but she's so excited#because its the first time she's choosing what clothes to wear#Nancy introduces her to many different kinds of music alongside Steve#and then eventually the whole gang joins them. everyone gets to suggest one artist and soon Robin has this long asf playlist#to listen to so she can figure out what she likes#same with movies - they all now have weekly movie nights so they can show Robin different films#robin slowly discovering her passions... she reads a lot and finds out she loves languages and literature#and she decides she wants to get into college to study something related to it#she also decides she wants to travel through Europe and wants to bring Nancy with her#she decorates her room with movie and music posters#she decides she really likes cyndi lauper#she tries to learn how to dance with youtube tutorials#dragging Nancy into it#she gets to watch a lot of movies at her job at the movie theater#and she makes friends with her coworkers there#she's not fully and truly becoming a person#she has never been this happy#my posts#thank you for your ask i love talking about android!robin
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I already knew what I was getting into when I agreed to my brother's proposal to have a streaming session of the 2000s trilogy of Star Wars.
Now I feel a HUGE ARTISTIC ITCH that I need to scratch.
WITH TWO COUPLES IN PARTICULAR, FML.
#Nemo Babbles#Star Wars#My ocs#my AUs#to be honest#the itch wasn't totally born today#it was born a LONG while ago#but I got swept away by things so the itch went in the back burner#BUT NOW IT'S BACK WITH A VENGEANCE#and I went down my 20-year-old sketches of the characters I drew when the trilogy came out#and I wish I could go back in time and give a hug to my teen self and tell her that someday#eventually#she would be able to draw what she wanted to draw#sorry y'all#I am pmsing which means yours truly is VERY EMOTIONAL
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#raymond reddington#the blacklist#james spader#blacklist#red#raymond red reddington#reddington#raymond reddington gifs#raymond reddington gif#i loved that moment sm#he was so proud how she got all the clues together on the phone and him going “that's my girl” sended me#gosh i love em#they are so sweet#i truly think that red is her real father#i am now on the 8 episode!#its such a good show i am always so emotional
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#just realized im jumpy and cheery when im around people to the point where i could come off as a kind of emotional person#but like. most of it is just masking? like most of the time its just my trained response to what i think is a social cue#and trying to figure out tone based on how people talk. so i tend to add an excessively positive tone so that i don't come across as mean#but like. my natural self is a lot more subdued.#of course there are highs and lows and a lot of the time im just zoning out and forgetting anything or anyone exists#and usually when i am hyperactive it's less the stereotypical adhd jumpiness and more... anger and frustration#i get jittery and idk what im talking about and it's not. fun.#and because i feel like it takes this additional work to kind of... be around people i tend to really enjoy my time alone#and i also. kind of suck at making friends irl. i just cannot approach people first#anyway idrk where this was going but being on tumblr all these years n especially now that i have such wonderful friends here im realizing#that im actually not as introverted as i thought. im just discouraged at the thought of having to decipher shit out with people#im truly a yapper at heart xD#but im also not as overwhelmingly positive as i seem#i just want people to know i love them. even if i really do overcompensate to show it#yeah. some self awareness stuff ig#megumi in the tags
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i think what hits most about nobara's backstory is everything that's left unsaid and peaks from between the lines. it's the fact you can easily infer that something was wrong without ever having clear answers on what exactly was wrong. but if you can relate to the feeling of wanting to escape a place and the alienation from everyone around you, especially when you're brought up in small communities, then you can certainly understand, if not fully then partially, nobara herself and the struggles she might have had to face all by herself for a very long time; maybe even the importance fumi and saori had in her life and the pain from having to part from them; and, perhaps the selectiveness in letting people in that she later on develops as well.
#the way her story is told from fumi's point of view is quite interesting#nobara's backstory is like a silent whisper without a lot of obvious context and told from someone else's perspective#someone who until the end never really understood her fully despite their obvious close bond#someone who we weren't even aware was part of her life#and nobara's peak emotional moment and the last person she thinks as her life is in danger is her and the promise she didn't accomplish#a promise to reunite with the friends that shaped her and her life#ah.#i find her last line so... powerful?#she definitely struggled growing up and the only two people she kept in her heart from her life before jujutsu were people that#moved to where she lived. saori didn't even stay in that place for long. and then she moves somewhere new and she meets people#and a group that actually feels like home a community where she fits in and suddenly they kind of break through making place in her heart#just for everything to come to a halt. to turn to shit. for her to see that shatter away little by little. and in the end she's put in a#position where she knows she will not be able to hold on to what she cares for the most. that she will hurt people that truly cared for her#for not being able to go back to fumi and rekindle the friendship with saori and for being forced to be another punch in the guts for yuuji#and everyone else that up until that point were forced to go through losses already and traumatic events#and she decides to encourage yuuji to go on a good note and she truly believes the people she met made it worth it#even if it was for a brief moment in her life#i am not being coherent right now but it pains me :')#she deserved so much better#and i will hang on tightly to the line saying that she had a small chance of survival until the end#because she deserves it she deserves to live 😭#i'm taking her from that stupid anime and putting her in a slice of life anime watch me#yuuji too. and everyone else. i'm taking the kaisen out of the jujutsu and you can't stop me#jjk spoilers#nobara kugisaki#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 💭#my post
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