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paper-n-ashes · 3 years ago

Text

sparks and embers - chapter 2

Characters: Poe Dameron x Original Female Character, Kylo Ren x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Summary: Alexys is a doctor living a life of exclusivity on Raxus, hoping to survive through a peaceful existence, concealing herself from those she believes would use her, or kill her. When fate intervenes and instigates a perilous journey she’d been desperately trying to avoid, Alex finds herself caught in the middle of two sides in both war and love.

Chapter 2 - Consciousness

Words: 3.4k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: mentions of blood and broken bones, medical procedures

Read on AO3

It was the light of morning that caused my eyes to flutter open, the hardness of the tiled floor beneath slowly recognised in an increasing ache pulsing through my body.

I was slow to move, measured actions helping to bring myself into a seated position, arms shakily holding me up at the sides. Memories of the previous evening flooded back in swift succession, along with the pain of immense fatigue that always followed the act of letting the Force do my healing for me.

Did it even work?

My hand gripped the hospital bed that his body remained slumped on and I pulled myself upwards, feet gliding along the ground under my legs until I could stand. The scene before me was still shocking, even in remembering all that happened. Eventually, I noted the even breaths seeping in and out of the pilot’s chest.

He survived the night. Well done.

The numbers on the monitor confirmed what the voice had said. Heart rate steady. Oxygen levels optimum. Blood pressure higher than it had ever reached the night before. Looking over the battered and broken man, covered in dried blood that had spilled to the bed and floor, I felt a rush of emotion break free from its cage in my chest, unleashing an irrepressible urge to cry.

I sobbed quietly, knowing it was both relief and exhaustion that the tears crawled down my face. I wasn’t really sure why it hit me so hard. I didn’t even know this man, and somehow his survival at my hands was overwhelming, bursting at the seams with a happiness I’d never experienced for a patient before.

But then I recalled what I’d done to make it possible.

Fear struck like a spark in the centre of my chest, rippling its way through my veins.

There’s no way I could explain this as a simple act of medical miracle. He’d know. Then they’d know. And everything I’d built would come crumbling down. I’d have to find a new planet, a new home, build a new clinic, leaving everything behind.

I just wanted to heal people. I didn’t want to be a part of either of their worlds, and I didn’t want to d-

A croaky moan escaped from the pilot’s lips, his eyes moving underneath the lids, struggling to open. He groaned louder, and it became clear all too quickly he was starting to feel his extensive injuries. Panic set in, realising I hadn’t had time to give him any anaesthetic or pain relief.

This was going to be a rough wake up.

A piercing whimper bellowed from his chest, startling me into focus. With the trolley at hand I wrenched open the draws in search of anything with a pain-relieving quality and prepared the med-injector with heavy fluid. He’d already started to move his limbs, presumably in a way to understand what was happening, and another strained yell echoed in the room, sending a shiver rocketing down my spine. I jammed the needle into the IV cannula port, pushing in the medicine without much of a thought to appropriate dosage.

I just needed to stop him moving.

He began hollering even harder, tears welling in his eyes as he started to thrash against the mattress. Snatching at his wrists, I slammed them back down on the bed.

“It’s okay! You’re okay! I know it hurts but you’ve got to give the painkiller time to work. I promise it’s going to be alright!”

His eyes flew open, an obvious distress burning from behind brown irises. They flickered over my blood-stained clothes, then locked into mine, pleading, begging for me to do something to take away the agony.

“I know,” I said softly, a more tender edge to my voice. “I know it hurts. I’m doing all that I can. Please just stay still. It will get better. Please.”

The pilot drew in a deep, haggard breath, his bottom lip trembling. Eventually his jaw clenched as our eyes remained fixed, a silent pact of trust hanging in the air. It took me by surprise, how easy it was to calm him, and I seized the chance to soothe him even further.

“My name is Alex, I’m a doctor,” I explained. “Your ship crashed just outside my clinic. You were hurt, badly. You fell unconscious and I brought you in here to treat your injuries.”

Such a simple explanation for the truly gargantuan effort I had performed.

I wonder if he’ll ever know how close to death he was.

It wasn’t the time to tell him now, not when he seemed so scared. There was some semblance of understanding in his features, dark bushy eyebrows furrowed in thought for a moment, only for his eyes to shut again as he withheld a pained cry. I released my grip from his right wrist, placing my hand in his to squeeze gently. An act of sympathy, something I had done many times for people in distress. Even the small movement was enough to make him yelp.

Kriff. I forgot his arm was broken.

“Sorry!” I squeaked. He was still wincing. “Let me try and fix that.”

It was obvious how wrong the angle appeared in his forearm, beginning to prepare more local anaesthetic into the injector handle. I shot the needle a few centimetres above the fracture, the pilot barely flinching. Compared to the rest of his injuries it would likely have felt like nothing at all.

“I need to set this okay? Your arm is going to feel numb in a minute or two. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

His nod was measured, careful not to move anymore than he had to. I left him for a moment to find my universal cast and a sling, giving the injection a few moments to filter through his tissue and into the nerves. When I returned I could see some of the pain medication had already started to take hold, the sting of discomfort in his eyes beginning to waver, his muscles losing their tension and relaxing ever so slightly into the mattress. I prepared the cast, cutting the shapes out for his fingers and thumb, getting it ready for quick application.

“Poe,” he said slowly, his voice croaky and filled with restraint. “My name is Poe.”

I met his gaze again, trying my hardest to put forward an aura of confidence, even in my exhaustion. “Nice to meet you, Poe,” I smiled. With a lightened touch, a finger trailed softly down his right forearm. “Can you feel this?”

“A little,” he whispered. It was clearly hard for him to find his voice again. “It’s kind of… fuzzy.”

“Do you think I could try and set your arm now? I can wait if you prefer.”

“I can handle it.”

Underneath his lips I could imagine gritted teeth, clenching hard, bracing for the pain. It occurred to me then maybe this wasn’t the first time he’d broken a bone.

Without another word I pulled the X-ray unit’s arm up towards his fracture site, hoping he didn’t notice the splashes of his blood smattering the machine. Pressing down on the image button revealed a better picture in comparison to the absolute mess his femur had been. Only his radius was broken, in an even line, no splintering to be seen.

Finally something easy.

With two hands around his arm on either side of the fracture, I poised myself for a quick pull and twist. Poe’s muscles tensed underneath my grip.

“Just try to relax, it will make it much easier,” I insisted.

He drew in a deep breath, and the tension released from underneath my fingertips. I’d learned in my experience not to tell patients exactly when I was going to perform something painful. Something about the surprise of it somehow made it hurt less. So with one fluid movement I pulled and rotated the bone back into place, knowing even before I shot the X-ray it would be aligned. Poe was crushing his eyelids closed, waiting for me to move again.

“It’s okay, I got it.”

His eyes opened, meeting me with a look of surprise. I’d already begun to position the cast, bending the malleable plastic to the contours of his limb.

“First try?” he marvelled. I nodded, while trying to rein in my ego. “Never had someone get it on the first try.”

I swallowed hard. “I, uh... I wasn’t so lucky with your femur.” I flicked through the previous X-rays, pointing to the multiple shots of my attempts to fix the break. His eyes widened, mouth in a small ‘o’.

“That was my leg?” he gasped, “And you put it back?”

Both of our eyes glanced to the wound on his thigh. It was closed.

But I didn’t put any bacta on it.

Poe’s disbelief distracted him from my own. What I’d done last night with my crude attempt at Force healing had managed to not only mend the life-threatening severing of his artery, but also somehow pulsed enough energy to knit his wound back together, leaving a sealed laceration where the deep hole had been. Dread filled me again, weighing down so forcefully I didn’t want to move.

How am I going to explain this?

“T-thank you. For getting the bacta into it so quickly. Must have some good quality stuff.”

Thank every particle in the universe. He suspected nothing.

I moved slightly to position myself in front of the trolley that stored evidence of the low quality bacta solution and salve I had used for his chest wound and burns, and feigned a smile of appreciation.

“Just doing my job.”

All of a sudden it seemed to hit him, the situation he was in. His questions came out in rapid fire, desperate for clarification.

“Wait, where am I? What happened to my ship? Where’s BB-8?”

He began to rise from the mattress, wincing at the many injury points as he pulled himself into an upright position on the bed. The quick movement evidently made him dizzy, as he pulled his newly casted arm onto the bed railing to stabilise a wobble.

“Woah, just hold on a minute there,” I snipped, doctor mode engaged. “You’ve still got some serious injuries that need time to heal. Nasty burns, a collection of broken bones and the remnants of a punctured lung. Now bacta can be a miracle cure but it still needs more time before you start moving around again, or you’re going to ruin all the progress I made.”

Poe looked as if he was going to argue, but as my eyes bore into his, he recoiled back into the bed, sighing from both the pain of movement and the lack of answers.

“I was in the middle of an important mission okay?” he stressed. “There are people who are waiting on me. I need to get a message back to the Resistance. To tell them I’m out of commission.”

I tensed. The thought of the Resistance coming here to pick up their injured pilot was enough to make my heart beat faster. Sure, maybe Poe didn’t suspect anything, but the likelihood of convincing force sensitive people like Leia Organa, or the scavenger girl….

Attempting to fool them into thinking I’d healed this man with a bit of brute force and bacta would be near on impossible. But I couldn’t prevent Poe from contacting anybody without arousing even more suspicion. I’d just have to go along with whatever he wanted until I could formulate some kind of plan.

“Alright, how about I get you my transmitter and you promise not to try and move until I say so?” I offered, the tone in my voice not really implying that no could be an appropriate answer.

“Sure thing doc,” he agreed.

Maker, I hate when people call me that.

I made my way over to my tech station, using the moment to give him a couple of the answers he’d been so desperate for. “You’re on a remote clinic on Raxus, about 3000 kilometres- uh… klicks, from Raxulon. Your ship… Well, I haven’t been outside since it exploded at my front door. And your droid unit… I haven’t seen.” I realised quickly how insensitive this information came out when I looked up from my rummaging to Poe’s horrified expression. He began to sit upwards again, giving even less care to his wounds, forcing me to rush back to stop him. “I haven’t checked outside yet!”

“Why haven’t you been out there?” he demanded, eyes flaming.

“Maybe because I was stuck in here saving your life? And how was I supposed to know you had an astromech droid with you?”

He huffed, seeing the logic in my question. “Can you please check if BB is okay?”

I raised an eyebrow, curious at how much emotion he was committing to this piece of equipment. All of the medical droids I’d come into contact with over the years were extremely flat personality wise. Intelligent and useful, but I’d never grown any type of attachment to them. Nothing like Poe seemed to have with this BB-8 droid.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll go look for the BB unit. Just please stay in bed. And… prepare for the worst.”

Underpromise, overdeliver. One of the many phrases I’d recited during my medical training. I just really hoped the latter would be the case in this situation.

The latch of the clinic door closed softly behind me, the crisp morning atmosphere somewhat refreshing for a moment or two, until I shook myself into focus to assess the completely destroyed X-wing ship consuming my vision. With sunshine finally illuminating the environment, rolling green hills of the countryside extending beyond the horizon, I scanned the blackened metal skeleton of the ship, ashes smattered all over the ground, glass and electrical wires splayed everywhere.

Well, this doesn’t exactly ignite hope.

Walking around what was left of the X-wing, I examined the surrounding area for any trace of a droid - not just the shine of metal, but the possible tracks left by a robot who was looking for its master. I walked slowly into the field behind the crash site, my eyes surveying every bit of ground, hoping to see any metallic glint that might indicate an intact droid.

Since the clinic was the only building for a few kilometres, there was hardly another structure it could be hiding behind, or lodged in. I almost wanted to keep walking, washing my hands of all of this, so I didn’t have to go back and tell Poe his obviously beloved droid hadn’t survived like he did. But another ruined machine caught my attention.

My comm-tower was flattened into nothing - steel, wiring and black plastic flattened into an artificial pancake.

Kriff, more bad news for Poe.

With my only means of communication squished there was no way any of my tech could send a signal far enough to reach the Resistance, let alone the next village over. And now I would have to make the weeklong trek back to Raxulon to get another one.

This day is kicking my ass.

With a long sigh, I ventured towards the ruined X-wing, assuming if I hadn’t found BB-8 by now, it must have been pulverised by the explosion I narrowly avoided last night. I searched the hollow structure of the ship, hoping for any scrap of metal that could be related to the droid, but it was all so black, covered in soot and melted, everything beginning to mutate into some other portion of the machine. When I skimmed over what was left of one of the wings, there was still a rounded hole I assumed BB-8 would have been housed during flights. An empty hole. There was always a possibility the BB droid could have gone searching for help beyond my clinic, but again, there wasn't a trace of movement in the dirt track leading away to the nearest village.

I think it’s time to be the bearer of bad news.

I extricated myself from the mangled ship, looking back towards the front walls of my clinic, noticing now the remnants of the explosion that had left countless dark stains over the light blue paint, along with a few cracks and impact points where metal had hit the cement. The bushes I’d planted a few months ago in time for this planet’s version of spring had been scorched, most of the green overtaken by grey and black soot. On closer inspection, it became obvious one had been split in half, the edges of leaves opening up to a large gap.

I quickened my pace and kneeled in front of the jumbled shrub, my hands diving in to push burnt leaves out of way, finally discovering a large metal ball of orange and white leaning on the blue concrete wall. A little cracked and dirty, but seemingly intact.

Oh wait, where’s the head?

Scurrying around on my hands and knees, I felt around the bushes once more, moving along the line of the wall. The twigs were scraping against the skin of my arms, but I was too excited for the possibility of some good news that I ignored the sting they caused.

Unexpectedly my hand struck something hard, pushing the stiff lower branches out of my view to find a domed head dug into the ground. Picking it up, I brushed away some of the dirt, surveying for any obvious damage. Its antennae was crooked, a few deep scratches slicing the metal, but it all seemed fairly superficial. With the head in hand, I strode back to the body unit, beaming with the thought I could ease even a little bit of Poe’s worry.

My delight was swiftly dissolved when setting the pieces together. I’d assumed the magnet would hold and the droid would spring back to life. Instead, the head slipped straight off, sinking into the ground once more with a muffled thud.

Yeah, that seems about right.

“I have good news and bad news,” I declared sheepishly as I walked into view of Poe, lugging in a separated BB-8. His face burst into an illustration of relief, then confusion as his brain finally registered the image of his dear friend separated into two pieces, and lifeless.

As I placed the metal components onto the hospital bed at the side of Poe’s leg, he looked up at me. “This is the bad news right?” His hands tentatively checked over the BB unit, attempting what I had done not minutes ago, and watched the head piece slide back over the metal ball and dive into the mattress.

“Um… Actually… This was meant to be the good news,” I grimaced. “The bad news is that my comm-tower was completely flattened by your ship. None of my transmitter tech is going to be able to send out any messages until I can get another one built.”

Poe’s jaw clenched, and I only noticed now the dark stubble that glittered the lower half of his face.

“And when would that be exactly?” he queried sharply. I didn’t like the tone of his voice.

“At least another week if I left now. But I can’t leave you like this, you’re still in critical condition.”

It was obvious he was hiding his frustration, hands scrunched into balls. “They can’t wait that long.”

I scrambled at any answer that might settle him. “I mean, maybe some of the villagers could help, but there’s no guarantee-”

“Then get them to help!” he exploded, making me step back. At seeing the startled look on my face he softened, realising the severity of his demand. “I’m sorry, but this is just… so important. I know you’ve already done more than I could have ever asked of someone, but I still need more of your help. The fate of the galaxy depends on it.” His eyes glistened with hope, a silent plea, sending a cold wave of unease down my spine. He held a bandaged arm out, hand open, reaching toward me.

I didn’t want to be a part of this. It was exactly what I had run from for so long. Even now the immediate urge was to bolt out the front door, leaving behind this stranger who could unravel everything I’d built.

But there was something about the expression on his face, the desperation in his eyes, calling out to me. I was all he had right now. I was his only lifeline to put him back on whatever journey he had been travelling before fate made him, quite literally, crash into me.

“I mean, if the fate of the galaxy depends on it…” I mumbled, placing my hand tentatively in his. “Okay. I’ll help you get back home.”

Next Chapter

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amwritingmeta · 4 years ago

Note

You don't think killing Dean the way they did was contradicting to his character arc and development?

Hello, lovely!

As the initial shock of watching Dean die is wearing off more with each passing day, I can tell you that no, I don’t think that killing Dean the way they did was contradicting to his character arc and development.

Let me explain.

And let me be clear, I’m basing this on my hopes and wishes for the narrative, for Dean, and they, in turn, sprung up from my reading of the narrative.

My reading has always, as all meta readings are, been wholly subjective, though I’ve striven to be objective, trying to base my reading in my understanding of narrative structure and possible production choices as much as possible. The initial shock after the finale came from how the delivery of Dean’s endgame stepped outside of what I wanted and had grown to expect in those weeks leading up to it, due to 15x18 and queer love suddenly being a stated part of the narrative.

Letting go of the idea of a long and happy life for Dean with Cas as a human on Earth, because that was simply the framework my brain invented to give them a happily ever after, I’d like to take a look at some of the other hopes and wishes I’ve had for Dean, in no particular order:

Dismantling the toxic masculinity ideal

Non-performance

Open communication and honesty

Self-acceptance leading to self-worth leading to self-actualisation

Integration

Clear sense of identity

Learning to let go of need for control

Learning to trust

Feeling deserving of happiness and embracing it

Ending the codependency

Teamwork and sharing responsibility/not feeling it’s all on him

Admitting to himself that what he longs for is to love and be loved

Believing in deserving to have a future

The world balanced out (no more firewall)

Putting the past to rest

Letting go of Protect Sammy as predominant purpose

Letting go of fear

No more Butch and Sundance/blaze of glory ending

Now, the more I think about all of these things in relation to S15 in general and the final three episodes in particular, the more those finale three episodes make me feel nothing short of delight for our characters. (sorry but it’s true) (I feel the distress of our family and it’s just horrifying but oh I do feel we need to take a breath together and calm down)

Here’s what I see. And what I see may come off as dismissive of people’s frustration and anger and disgust with the finale, but it’s not meant to be. I’ve always read this narrative how I described above, knowing that it’s impossible not to be subjective, but striving for objectivity.

Striving for objectivity by looking at what’s come before, the threads I’ve seen them pulling on, the overarching themes that have been consistent for fifteen years, the character traits that have been explored and narratively stated over and over again, and basing my analysis in these narrative constants.

So first, let us ask ourselves: was Dean’s death foreshadowed in S15?

The simple answer is that yes, it was.

It was foreshadowed by Amara saying that she wanted to release Dean from his anger, it was foreshadowed by Billie asking if it wasn’t time for the sweet release of death, and it was foreshadowed by the heart symbology peppered throughout the entire season.

Had it been coming for a long time?

Well, yes, it had. There were only two ways that his arc could end: him living or him dying, right? He’s died a lot, which is why I thought it should end in him living, finally, but let’s look at what the narrative tells us living constitutes:

fear (of losing his brother and of what’s around the next bend), as Dean admits in 15x17: he’s always afraid

pain, because the pain of losing Cas will never go away

Has Dean decided to deal with that? Yes, he has. He’s decided, by 15x20, to accept the loss, to look to the future, to not give up, to keep on fighting. He’s not even self-destructively looking for a case to distract him: instead he brings Sam to a freaking pie festival. Yeah? Dean is living his life.

This means that we’re shown him as having let go of toxic masculinity because he’s wholly non-performing at the start of 15x20, he’s openly communicating and being honest about the pain he feels over losing Cas, but as opposed to Chuck’s version of the “perfect ending” which was always tragic, where Dean losing Cas meant that he saw no purpose to living or fighting anymore, Dean takes that pain and is able to handle it because?

Because of Cas. Because of Dean internalising Cas’ view of him. Because of Dean being shown in 15x19 to grieve Cas, to want Cas back, to go through the motions (getting drunk etc.), only for him to realise (and yes the execution is lacking but I’m going to go with the narrative we have for the sake of this reading) that Cas isn’t coming back.

By the end of 15x19, Cas’ words have taken such hold that Dean not only eases up on control and is shown to confidently share the responsibility for de-powering Chuck by working as a well-oiled team machine with Jack and Sam - because he trusts them, he’s also symbolically allowed to fully integrate by refusing to kill Chuck, because his Shadow (toxic masculinity as passed along by John the Bad Father Figure) (John also has a good side but he had a very bad side, for sure) no longer holds any sway over Dean, and because of Cas’ words, because of Cas’ faith in him, through Cas’ love for all that Dean is, Dean is given the sense of self-worth needed to finally be able to move into self-acceptance, allowing him to self-actualise, to integrate.

Cas saved Dean’s life AND saved Dean from his crappy self-view. I mean. It’s kinda fucking remarkable that this reading is right there for the taking.

So here we have the narrative ticking boxes like JAYSUS, yeah?

Let’s look it:

Dismantling the toxic masculinity ideal

Non-performance

Open communication and honesty

Self-acceptance leading to self-worth leading to self-actualisation

Integration

Clear sense of identity

Learning to let go of need for control

Learning to trust

Feeling deserving of happiness and embracing it

Teamwork and sharing responsibility/not feeling it’s all on him

Believing in deserving to have a future

The world balanced out (no more firewall)

And this, all of it, is thanks to LOVE.

Because this is a story about love and... love.

So Dean being able to integrate thanks to Cas’ love is, to me, all about Dean opening himself up to the fact that what he wants, truly wants, and has always wanted (and needed, for that matter) is to be loved for who he is, and to allow himself to feel that very same unconditional love for another.

In the act of letting go of needing Cas back to somehow validate that love or validate Dean actually truly being deserving of receiving and giving love, we get the unconditional aspect of it underlined. There’s no dependency anymore. No fear attached to the emotion. Just the love itself, untouched by death. The healthy side to that profound bond that’s always kind of tripped these two up before. I mean. I think it’s kind of breathtaking.

Also, I’ve been told there’s an application that we see on Dean’s desk for him to get a job as a mechanic, which seems to me an underlining that Dean is looking to the future and in so doing is shown to feel deserving of happiness and embracing it. Something that I feel is established at the beginning of the episode, even without this detail, but is brought into focus thanks to it.

Dean doesn’t want to die. He has no desire to die. The implication being that he’s trying to make the best of what he’s got and is completely honest with himself about what he wants. Not owning a bar, but working on cars. The good side of John getting a nod, or so I would say. Especially poignant in an episode so heavily focused on Good Father Figures.

I haven’t seen the detail of this application for myself though, I just trust my sources. :)

Now we get to the meatier part of this reading: Dean and Sam.

What do we have left on the list of hopes and wishes of stuff to be addressed as pertaining to Dean?

We’ve got:

Ending the codependency

Putting the past to rest

Letting go of Protect Sammy as predominant purpose

Letting go of fear

No more Butch and Sundance/blaze of glory ending

I wonder if you might already be seeing where I’m going with this, but for good measure, let’s discuss the death scene and what it narratively results in for Dean and for Sam.

Dean and Sam end up in that barn because they’re two men who will not stand for harm coming to innocent lives, especially when those innocent lives belong to two little kids. This is who they are at their core.

Dean is killed by a vampire wearing a mask. Yeah. Someday perhaps I’ll make proper sense of it. Point is: Dean is impaled on a rusty nail that imbeds itself in his heart and sort of holds him together until the moment of his passing, giving him time to ask his brother to stay (zero performance and only vulnerability) and tell Sam exactly what Sam has always meant to him.

Which, for Dean, is vulnerability on steroids. Honesty times one thousand. In your face true identity flares of beauty.

This scene is stunning. When I watched it the second time around last Saturday I was blown away. Jensen makes this scene what it is, because it is such an absolute mirror of Dean’s scene with Cas and the differences to Jensen’s acting choices are paramount to the emotional significance of either. (oh Misha was extremely paramount to the declaration of love, don’t get me wrong, but here we have Jensen pivotally impactful, since he’s in both)

And through this mirroring we have two major threads of this narrative on display and effectively highlighted and tied up: the familial vs the romantic.

Because this is a story about love and... love.

The thing that I’ve been turning over in my head a lot is the codependency aspect here. I’ve had issues with it. Could it only be broken by Dean’s death?

And no, I don’t think that’s what’s happening here at all.

This moment is absolutely about the codependency breaking. In part. But it’s also about Dean going out bittersweetly, suddenly, without any glory or blaze, and it’s a very human, very real, very grounding moment to me for his arc: he didn’t expect it to be today, but it is.

*i’m seriously cry*

And Sam’s grief is so raw. I wish Sam had gotten to break away on his own. I’ll always wish that for him. That he could’ve seen his worth as a leader and leaned on that and on his love for Eileen, but Sam’s arc was always, always dependent on Dean’s progression, and this is what Dean’s arc needed in his final moment: clarity, honesty, trust, faith, letting go. A voicing of the fear, of the past, of what got them here, of the dependency - it was always you... and me - and both of them choosing, in the moment, to recognise the finality of it.

The entire show has revolved around these two men’s absolute inability to let go of each other and the stupidity and recklessness this inability has resulted in. Choice after choice serving to bring about the near apocalypses they’ve kept finding themselves in.

And reflecting itself in that has been the dependency Dean has felt for Cas’ presence, his annoyance and worry and fear whenever Cas has disappeared, how Dean’s progression has stopped in its tracks whenever Cas has been removed from the narrative.

So for this scene of the familial love allowing a letting go of that dependency to reflect itself once more so beautifully in how the romantic love allowed for a letting go of that dependency is kind of. I don’t even know. Everything glitters?

Dean finding peace ultimately has everything to do with having met, known and fallen in love with and having been loved by this angel of his.

But is that canon?

I mean, it’s subtextual canon, which is good enough for me, because it was all I ever expected and it’s such a blatant statement through the couples in love losing each other leading into Dean and Cas losing each other that there’s just no doubt in my mind how we’re meant to be understanding what these two men mean to each other, and from that draw the conclusions of what it is that’s influencing Dean’s moment of integration.

Does Dean’s death make a statement that happiness and love can only be found in death?

No. It really does not. Because that’s not what the narrative message is. Because Sam finds love and happiness by living his life. And I sincerely disagree with Sam being depicted as being depressed his whole life (the way Dean was with Lisa) because he lost his brother. Sure, there could’ve been pictures of all the found family when Sam is on his death bed, but he’s also thinking about the brother he lost and that’s simply a visual establishing of this fact. Could there have been more? Sure! But that doesn’t mean that all Sam cares about was Dean for all his life, living it in grief and loss.

Sam loves his son, helps his son, laughs with his son, is a good father figure to his son, and this thread is pulled on throughout the episode: the good father figure thread.

Dean’s goodbye to Sam isn’t just a brother saying goodbye to a brother.

It’s a father bidding farewell to his child. It’s a father gently relieved to not have to watch his son die. To get to go first. And yes, sure, that’s sad, but it’s also very human and real and says so much about their relationship.

Dabb era has hit the father/parental thread so hard that the Good Father thread running through this episode makes perfect sense to me.

Dean goes to Heaven not to find Cas, not expecting Cas to be there, but finding Cas there all the same (reward for letting go and having faith that if he’s meant to, and why wouldn’t he be, then he’ll see Cas again *headcanon*), and more than that, learning that Cas has made Heaven what it is now, moved Heaven away from trapping souls in endless memory loops (which was benevolent enough, but completely missed the point of what it means to be human) and that now there’s discovery and exploration and more life to be lived, because Heaven is overflowing with free will, with choice, with all the possibility for longevity and happiness.

The eternity that Dean deserves.

Created for him by Cas.

Cas ensuring Dean’s death is not an ending, but a beginning. That it’s not a prison for Dean’s mind, but instead a homecoming, filled with the prospect of reconnecting with all the people Dean has ever cared about, ever loved.

I mean, the fact that Cas’ prevailing faith in Jack has enabled all this is like strobe lights for the fucking brain.

And the irony is that while I focused entirely on how Cas needed to be grounded and choose to live a human life on Earth, the narrative had other plans (okay yeah the writers) and instead brought Dean to Heaven, and immortality.

It takes away the final obstacles for giving these two a happily ever after.

It also reflects itself in how Mary, in Heaven, is “complete”. She’s with John. She’s at peace. She’s happy. And who have always been fairly strongly tied (through mixtapes and whatnot) to Mary and John Winchester? Yeah.

Also, Cas the angel will never age and will never die, and him with human Dean, watching Dean grow old and die only to go visit Dean in his little Heaven always made me depressed. Human!Cas took care of that, but left the Heaven conundrum wide open. And now it’s just gloriously fixed.

And, speaking of, Cas got to FIX HEAVEN. And he’s fixing it together with his son. All of that faith, all of that struggle, completely rewarded. And Cas building that Heaven in wait for Dean to arrive, because if Dean hadn’t died in that barn (take me back to the night we met...) Dean would’ve died at some point, and Cas can wait, he just wants to make sure there’s happiness waiting for Dean when he arrives. I’m sorry but OMFG. I’m just so happy for our Castiel!!

Could Dean not know happiness on Earth?

I think he was on his way. I think there would always be that pain and that fear, but he was ready to accept that and make the most of it and live his life. Only... his heart is missing, because his heart went away, and perhaps there’s this chance that he’ll find it again, because he always has before, but he doesn’t know, and he doesn't expect it, and that’s okay, he can wait, and then he’s brought to Heaven, and there it is, and he smiles that smile and Heaven is basically complete apart for one final piece.

Because of course Dean would wait for Sam.

Now. I realise this is my reading of this narrative. No one needs to accept it as the begin all, end all reading. I’m only hoping that it will offer a counterweight to the absolute and utter negativity being bandied around as the only true begin all, end all, because I do not see it or believe that it’s all there is to this finale.

There’s beauty here. And discounting it, at least the possibility of it, even if it’s not exactly what I’ve laid out in this reply, because of frustration of not getting textual Destiel is not doing anyone any good. We got subtextual Destiel, we got subtextual bisexual Dean, and it’s confirmed. To my mind, it’s confirmed.

That’s everything I ever dared expect. And that expectation came solely from how clear the subtext has always been, how invested the writers have seemed in it, and the actors too.

And Cas is canonically queer.

Which is fucking amazing and truly enormous and I’ll talk very gently about why I don’t feel his death was a case of BYG in a separate post, but Cas is alive in the narrative as it’s been presented to us, and he’s in love with Dean and they get to be together in the Heaven Dean deserves, remodelled for Dean by Cas. If that’s not the beginning of a happily ever after, then I don’t know what is!

Thanks for asking, love. I’ve been meaning to write all this down and have spent the afternoon doing so. It’s quite cathartic!

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editorialsonlife · 3 years ago

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Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

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softest-cinnamon-roll · 5 years ago

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maybe a kid/domestic fic for reddie please!? you're an angel

(not the kind of domestic you were looking for, but I hope you like it anyway! Also some amazing losers friendship!)

* * * * *

“Edward Kaspbrak please report to the principal's office immediately.”

As the words were spoken over the intercom everyone in Eddie’s AP Algebra class turned around to face him. His eyes were wide and cheeks burning red with embarrassment. Why did he need to go to the principal’s office? He hadn’t done anything wrong, he never did anything wrong. Unless one of his friends had done something and needed him there for support. Slowly, he slipped out of his seat and packed up his stuff, apologising to his teacher as he left the classroom to head to the office.

It was probably Richie, he’d most likely done something stupid...again and needed his boyfriend to bail him out. Eddie was just a sucker who never could deny Richie anything.

However, when he arrived at the office, there was no Richie in sight, just the principal and the school counselor waiting for him in the doorway. Eddie’s heart leapt into his throat and he slowly walked into the office, letting them close the door behind him as he took a seat.

“What did I do?” Eddie asked quietly, looking at his fingers as they weaved together. His leg bounced, a sign of nerves. “If I have forgotten to do anything I promise that I’ll make sure I never do it again. Please just don’t call my mom.” The last thing he needed was for the school to call his mother and have her come in all in a rage, making a scene.

The principal shook his head, “Eddie, you aren’t in trouble. We just wanted to sit you down and talk to you about the college application you handed in to Mrs Berkley for checking.” He explained. That made Eddie calm down for a whole minute, as he realised there must be a problem with it. “We don’t know how to say this Eddie, but there is a very rare chance you’ll be accepted into any of your chosen colleges based on the application you submitted.”

Eddie’s eyes widened a little and he slumped in his seat, “I- I don’t understand? I’m in all AP classes, I have great grades and my SAT score was one of the highest in the year. Why....why wouldn’t I be accepted?”

Mrs Berkley, the school counselor, interrupted him then, shaking her head. “Eddie, it’s nothing to do with your grades, as you said they are next to perfect. The reason that the colleges wouldn’t consider your application is your lack of extracurricular activities. There is nothing on here that shows you’ve taken part in any after school activity, or even after school jobs. Colleges like Stanford, Princeton and Yale will look at that as well as your grades.”

The feeling in Eddie’s stomach had moved from nerves to nausea as he ran a hand through his hair, “I- It’s not like I don’t want to take part in extracurricular activities....it’s just my mother never let me, always coming up with some crazy excuse why I couldn’t.”

Both the principal and Mrs Berkley nodded their heads, sympathetic looks across their faces. “It’s not all over though Eddie, you still have six months before final applications are due so if you can find extracurricular activities to put in your application, then it’ll be perfect,” Mrs Berkely explained, standing up and walking around to pat Eddie on the shoulder. “You’re smart, Eddie. I know you can do it.”

The meeting ended just as the lunch bell rang and Eddie was excused to go join his friends. He walked down the corridor until he reached his locker, already finding his friends gathered around waiting for him. Richie noticed him first and cut off his conversation with Bill, moving quickly to meet Eddie in the middle. “Hey, what was that about? What did they want?”

Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist, feeling a little better but not much. He sighed into Richie’s shirt, gathering his thoughts before he faced his concerned friends, all waiting for an explanation. “I’ve just been told that I won’t get into any of my chosen colleges.”

“What?” Richie asked, his eyes wide in shock. “That’s bullshit, you’re one of the smartest guys at this shitty school. Your SAT score was one of the best!” Eddie could tell Richie was mad, and one look at the rest of the losers and he could see they were also on the verge of snapping.

“It’s not...it’s nothing to do with my grades,” Eddie shrugged, feeling his throat close up. “Apparently, it’s because I have no extracurricular activities behind me that the schools I applied for won’t give me a second look. It’s not all about grades these days.”

Richie scoffed, wrapping his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “Well that's the craziest thing I have ever heard. You’re dating me, I'm an extracurricular all on its own!”

Bev burst out laughing, shaking her head, “I’m sorry Rich, but I don’t think being your boyfriend will be a reliable source on a college application.”

“It should be,” Stan muttered, crossing his arms and dodging the light smack Richie aimed at him. “Anyway, you still have time to fix this issue. All we need to do is find you some extracurriculars that you’re both good at and that you enjoy,” Stan suggested.

Of course, to his friends, it seemed like a very easy solution. Find something that Eddie could take on as an extracurricular and then re-submit his application for his chosen colleges. Yet there was something deep down in Eddie’s gut that screamed it wasn’t going to be that simple.

For the rest of the day Eddie went through his classes as normal, all while his mind was trying to come up with possible activities that he could join. By the time the end of the school day arrived, Eddie had no possible solutions to his problem. He met up with Richie at his locker, giving him the look that he didn’t want to talk about it and wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist.

“Hey, don’t worry, Eds. We’ll figure something out, I promise.” Richie pressed a kiss to the top of Eddie’s head before lacing their fingers together as they headed out of the school to meet the others in the car park. Like they did everyday after school, they all headed to the clubhouse with Eddie and Richie falling into the hammock as always.

“What about the student newspaper?” Ben suggested. “Or helping out with the yearbook? I could convince the others to let you join!” Ben was in both of those clubs as his imagination was very useful when creating the yearbook and organising the newspaper. Eddie shook his head, as much as he appreciated it, he knew that he would just sit in the background and that he’d feel guilty.

Bev clapped her hands together, “Eddie, you can join cheerleading! Audra is the captain and they are always looking for more boys to join the squad!” At the mere mention of cheerleading, Eddie scrunched his face up, there was no way he’d be made to wear that outfit and let girls climb on his shoulders. No way.

“You can audition for the school play?” Mike offered from his place on the swing. “Even as a background extra, it would still count.”

Eddie frowned, thinking about it before he shook his head, “I don’t think so, if I am to join something I want it to be something I can put my whole heart into. Something that I enjoy, you know?”

Everyone fell into a silence, seemingly beat at options Eddie could explore. That is, until Richie’s head shot up, a wide grin on his face. “I’ve got it. I’ve got the perfect club for you to join.” The losers, Eddie included, all looked up at Richie with hopeful expressions on their faces. “Debate club! You are always one who is never afraid to voice your opinions, so why not do it in a debate club?”

That made Eddie pause, his lips pursed slightly before he broke into a smile, “You know what, Richie, that might just be a great idea!”

* * * * * *

“You’re amazing, do you know that?” Eddie mumbled against Richie’s lips as he straddled his waist. They were in Eddie’s bedroom, under the pretence of studying, when in fact they had been making out for little over an hour. “Absolutely amazing.”

Richie chuckled, running his hands up and down Eddie’s sides, over his shirt. They might have been horny teenagers, but Sonia was just down stairs and could randomly appear at any moment, they needed to keep the clothes on. “Don’t make my ego any bigger, Eds.” He pressed another kiss to Eddie’s lips. “I’m guessing the Debate club worked out?”

After Richie’s suggestion, Eddie had gone straight to Edward Corcoran, the Captain of the Debate club and all but begged him to let him join. Once he had explained the circumstances, Edward was more than happy to welcome Eddie to the team and as a practice, they held a mini debate, which Eddie had smashed.

“It was amazing, I never realised how fun voicing my opinion could be,” Eddie laughed. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.” Richie squawked at Eddie’s words but before he could say anything, Eddie pulled his glasses off of his face and slipped them onto his own. “God Rich, you really are blind.”

Richie snorted, “Hm, yes I am, now please give me my glasses back before you give yourself a headache.” He carefully pulled his glasses off of Eddie’s face and back onto his own before flipping them over so Eddie was on his back, laying next to Richie on the bed. “I love you too.”

Eddie broke into a smile, leaning up to kiss Richie, but before he could his mother’s voice yelled up the stairs followed by her footsteps. “Eddie-bear, Richard, it’s time for dinner!” As fast as lightning, Richie moved off the bed and onto the desk chair and Eddie rolled onto his stomach, grabbing the discarded study book from the floor. Just in time too, as his mother opened the door, looming in the doorway. She eyed up Richie for a moment before nodding and stepping to the side. “Dinner.”

She turned on her heel and disappeared back down the stairs. Eddie and Richie made eye contact and both burst into light giggles. Eddie slipped off of the bed, heading to the door but Richie stopped him, wrapping his hand around Eddie’s wrist and pulling him back into his arms. “Richie...my mom will come back up here if we don’t go…”

“I know,” Richie nodded, but cupped Eddie’s cheeks anyway, leaning down and bringing him into a soft kiss. “I’m proud of you Eddie. I’m so proud of you.” He pressed a kiss to his forehead. “We’re going to smash college together and don’t worry, I’ll be right there in the front row for your first ever debate. I’ll ever bring a foam finger.”

Eddie shoved him back and headed to the stairs, shaking his head as he giggled. Yeah, Richie Tozier was a complete idiot, but he was Eddie’s idiot and he loved him to the moon and back. Always would.

* * * * *

@3tothe1 @anellope @annxmatron @are-you-reddie-for-it @beepbeeprichiellc @bi-bi-richie @billdenbrough @bitchbrak @callmechee @dadbodrichie @derrylosers @disneyfan567 @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @girasol-eddie @gloire-celeste @halfway-happy353 @inthebreadbinwrites @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @kaspzier @lifesucksheres20bucks @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madidraw @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @nancynwheeler @no-she-wasnt-reddie @oldguybones @pink-psychic @purplepoisonedgem @queen-sock @rebecca-the-queen @reddie-to-cryy @reddieforlove @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster @richietoizer @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie @sashadrowned @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @sparklingrainbowdragon @spirited-marvel @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @takeourpure @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @violetreddie @virgo-luthie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead @xcottoncandykatx

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #writing tag

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sprnklersplashes · 4 years ago

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work-love balance (rejanis one shot)

There are a number of reasons Regina wishes she didn’t have this job.

For one, the uniform is gross. And yeah the uniform is just an apron but it’s a gross apron. It’s navy, that’s all that needs to be said about it. Second, she’s realised she hates dealing with people. Not all people, there are a few that are okay, but some people are just so, so hard. And since she’s already on her second warning from her manager, she can’t tell someone to shove it whenever they snap their fingers at her, or don’t say thank you, or refuse to tip. She just has to swallow her pride, paint a smile on her face and complain when it’s quiet. Thirdly, it’s coming up to Christmas now which means she has to deal with Mariah Carey being played on a constant loop or six hours straight and not even Jolly St Nick himself could put up with that.

And fourth and most important; it eats into her Janis time.

Senior year is hard for both of them, especially now with finals coming up and work starting on their college applications. Janis is swamped with artwork, her hands constantly covered in paint, and Regina can barely breathe with all the assignments she has to get done. Where weekends were once for movie nights and coffee dates are now booked through with studying and projects and their conversations happening almost completely through the phone. They kept themselves busy enough earlier, with Regina’s lacrosse and Janis’ various extracurriculars, but now it seems that neither one can fit the other into their schedule. And believe it when they say they’re trying.

“Okay,” Janis sighs. They sit at an empty cafeteria table, a soft silence about the room at this early hour. Since the only time they see each other is in school, they agreed to come in early to try to work some sort of plan out. Regina was fine with it because she’d have been up anyway, Janis on the other hand was a little harder to persuade. A little begging, a lot of pleading, and a promise of a coffee on her swung it in the end. “Okay, so Monday is out, you have lacrosse training. Tuesday I have to study for my biology final. What about Wednesday?”

“I can’t,” she sighs. “Group project to work on. And then job-work after that. Thursday?”

“The talent show has their tech rehearsal. And they need the whole team down there.” Janis takes a long drink of her coffee, a scowl etched onto her face. Regina knows Janis loves doing the techy stuff for the school shows, and she outdoes herself every year, but she simply wishes that this year she’d have skipped it. Regardless of how good it looks on the college application. “Friday night?”

“More lacrosse practice,” Regina grumbles. “And I’m working.”

“Saturday and Sunday?”

“Work, work, work. Both in the school and the job.” Her head falls onto her arms, a low groan emitting from her and shaking the table. She feels Janis’ hand on her back making soft, reassuring pats and it makes her feel a little better, especially with her girlfriend mutters “there, there” in a half-joking, half-serious way that only Janis could pull off. A smile curls on her mouth, even if it’s muted by the rest of her frustrations.

“I just miss you,” she says, her head back up. “I miss how things used to be with us. You know…” She grins slyly, her finger tracing across the table until it reaches Janis’. “You and me. My room. Laptop between us.” Her fingers slowly interlink with Janis’ and she watches as the faintest hint of a blush creeps across her girlfriend’s cheeks. “Your head on my shoulder… us sharing the same blanket.”

“Stop,” she says softly, her voice so close to a plea. “You’re making me nostalgic.” She lets out a wistful sigh then, her thumb rubbing the back of Regina’s hand and sending goosebumps up her arms. “I miss you too. I mean who else is going to stop me from going crazy?”

“Thought that was Damian’s job.”

“Damian’s job is to keep me crazy.” She winks then and now it’s Regina’s turn to blush. “Your job is to keep me crazy.”

“My mistake,” she chuckles. Janis lifts her hand and presses a kiss to her fingers, her eyes never leaving hers, telling her she’s forgiven.

There’s a sort of breathless excitement she’s started feeling since dating Janis, and it comes in the small moments like this. Those moments have been so few and far between recently that Regina’s almost forgotten what that felt like, but here it is. The way her heart picks up just slightly, the way her veins seem to hum beneath her skin, the little soft feeling that unfurls in her stomach, all making her feel good-really, truly good-for the first time in a long, long time.

It doesn’t last long though, the bell ringing rudely and cutting into their alone time, and so they head off together, pinkie fingers linked, both hoping that somehow, they’ll find more time this week. She knows that it’s not likely, but if her relationship with Janis has taught Regina anything, it’s that miracles can happen. Sometimes they just need a little push.

Regina spies her opportunity for a ‘little push’ on Friday night. As per usual, the mall is absolutely packed with Christmas shoppers-parents buying for kids, teens getting Secret Santas and young men trying desperately to find a good gift for a girl who probably expects a ring. The mall is utterly flooded with people everywhere you look and that means that the line for Regina’s little milkshake shop is at least a mile long. She’s not been here an hour and both she and her colleague, a little wisp of a thing named Clara, both have headaches from the amount of screaming children and her cheeks sting from the smile plastered on her face. She’s been keeping score since she got here and so far there’s been three assholes telling them to hurry up and two Karens chastising her for her lack of customer service skills.

She wishes so badly she didn’t need this job, otherwise she’d flip each and every one of them off. Or, she would if she could remember their faces, but as she takes orders and turns around they all blend into one, and she doesn’t see them again until she’s shouted “small Skittles shake!” for the third time and the owner finally, finally comes forwards.

So all in all, she’s exhausted.

“Seriously,” she pants when she line dies down. “Who the heck wants milkshakes in December? Or ice cream? Why do we still sell that.”

“The kids,” Clara explains with a vague wave. “You know… kids like ice cream. And parents just want to shut them up.”

“Reminds me why I’m never having kids,” she scoffs and Clara actually laughs at that. She’s not so bad, not at all. She’s good fun and she’s nice, which is all you could want in a work buddy.

They serve the last few customers, and Regina wonders if she’ll actually be able to take a break, run down to the food court and get herself a sandwich, only to look up and find the manager appearing in front of them, carrying two cardboard boxes on his shoulder.

“You said you were running out of cones?” he asks.

“Did we?” She turns and looks and yep, their supply of cones has dwindled to almost nothing at all. Clara must have find a second, if even, to send him a text. “Oh yeah, thanks.”

“How have things been over here?”

“Well we’re alive,” Regina sighs. “Barely, but we’re alive. We made a lot of money if that’s what you’re interested in.”

“Oh, sounds good,” he says. “And Regina… you’re good to close up shop?”

“Yes I am,” she says through gritted teeth. He nods at that and gives her a brief, clipped thank you before asking her for the delivery receipts and heading on his merry way, back to his comfy office and his comfy office chair while they remain on their feet for the next few hours, serving customer after customer until they collapse. And then, with Clara leaving soon (she deserves it after all), Regina’s left to shut down all by herself…

Hang on. Lightbulb moment.

“Clara.” She grabs the other girl by the shoulder, her eyes wide and a smile tugging on the corners of her lips. “Can you hold the fort down while I go on my break?”

The girl hasn’t even finished saying ‘sure’ before Regina is gone, flying down the halls and pushing past people as fast her legs can carry her, her months of lacrosse training finally being useful. She makes a quick pitstop at the foodcourt and grabs herself some dinner before sitting down at an empty table and whipping her phone out, mistyping the number twice in her excitement.

Janis picks up on the second ring and that’s still not fast enough.

“Regina?”

“Hey,” she says through a mouthful of noodles, a small prick of anxiety in her gut. “Okay, so what are you doing tonight?”

“Um, nothing I guess,” she says. “Homework, art, watching Netflix. Why?”

“Because I have an idea,” she begins. “For us.”

“Oh do share.”

“It’s a surprise.” She can practically see Janis’ face falling. She hates surprises, and that’s what makes this fun. “I just need you to trust me on this.”

“Okay… I trust you,” she says in the least-convincing voice Regina has ever heard.

“Perfect,” she says. “Just get here late and hang around until 9 okay?”

“9? The mall closes at 9.”

“9:15 actually.” She wolfs down some more noodles. “Just be subtle when you get in here, okay? Be sneaky.”

“And then you’ll reveal to me your mysterious plan?”

“I promise.” She hears Janis laughing then and oh what that sound does to her heart.

“Okay. I better get some studying done then before I get there.”

“And I need to finish my food. Oh and Janis-” she interjects. “Bring your laptop. And your charger. Just in case, you know?”

And it’s the long, confused ‘okay’ from Janis that makes this all so worthwhile.

The mall is practically deserted when Regina switches off the sign and gets out the brush and pan. Normally the clean-up process is painfully slow, what with the dozens of things that need doing and Regina feeling utterly drained by the end of the night. But tonight she’s found a source of energy she didn’t know she had, one that has everything to do with her girlfriend, and she wipes down surfaces and brushes the floors in double quick time and throws things in the fridge with no rhyme or reason. She sprints out to the dumpster with the trash and back again in less than ten seconds, determined that nothing and no-one cuts into her time with Janis. She’s so focussed on her mental to-do list that she doesn’t even notice a person coming up behind her, not until she hears those dreaded words-

“Hi can I get a large Reese’s milkshake?”

Oh for the love of-

But her rant is stopped entirely when she turns and sees only Janis, chuckling on the opposite side of the counter, hair slightly damp and her backpack on her shoulders, a self-satisfied gleam in her eyes.

“Asshole,” she sighs. “That’s what you are. An absolute asshole.” She waves her hand. “Come on in, asshole.”

“Oh someone’s been busy,” she comments. “You know, I did get a little worried when I didn’t receive one snapchat from you about how much you hate the closing shift.”

“Oh shut up.” She checks that the coast is clear and then pulls down the shutter, with them still inside. Thankfully she had the foresight to slip the stepstool underneath it, preventing them from being shut in completely, but Janis’ eyebrows still shoot up, her mouth hanging half-open in a silent scream of oh my god my girlfriend’s finally lost it.

“Regina…” she begins. “Please look me in the eyes and tell me you are not locking me in a milkshake store with you. Please, tell me that.”

“Don’t worry,” she says. “I’m not locking us in. What I am doing is having an amazing idea for a date night.”

“Which is…” Regina gestures around them.

“Look around,” she says. “We’re alone. We have all the ice cream we can eat. We have sparkly lights. And you have your laptop, so we can whack on something cute. Or something dark if you’re into it.” She shrugs. “I thought if my job interrupts our dates, maybe we could have a date at work.”

For two seconds, maybe less, a cold fear washes over her as she waits for Janis’ reaction. Maybe this is too far, maybe she already had plans, maybe she doesn’t want to sit on a dirty floor with her.

Or maybe, she’s throwing her arms around her and the force of her body is throwing them back. Maybe she’s giggling into her shoulder and rocking the two of them gently, her smile brighter than any of the lights and sweeter than any of the candy around them.

“This is amazing,” she whispers. “You’re amazing. Maddening and possibly crazy, but amazing.”

She kisses her then and Regina wonders how she can still get butterflies in her stomach, even now.

They sit down on the floor, using their jackets as impromptu blankets, and Regina grabs some ice cream from the freezer, settling on Rocky Road after some deliberation, while Janis opens up her laptop. The heat from the computer contrasts with the coldness of the ice cream, both balanced across their legs, and it’s an odd sensation to say the least, but Regina doesn’t care. They keep the ice cream close by and the toppings even closer; Janis has already covered her servings in chocolate sauce, and of course, rainbow sprinkles. The opening credits of To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before play onscreen, which Janis swears she only watches because Regina likes it so much, but she’s heard the muffled squeals behind her hand. She knows how she feels and one day she’ll get her to admit it.

But for now she just leans her head on Janis’ shoulder and snuggles into her. Janis presses a kiss to her head, slow and soft and so precious and Regina concludes that if they get trapped in here overnight, it won’t be so bad. Not if there’s Janis.

#rejanis #regina x janis #regina george #janis sarkisian #mean girls broadway #mean girls musical #just posted rejanis for the first time #*runs away into the night*

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writingwithacupoftea · 4 years ago

Text

It’s been one hell of a week, and I want to share a life update with you all...

I don’t really know what this post is gonna be. I think it’s gonna be kinda like journaling, but I actually wanted to feel like I was talking to someone about it, even if no one reads it. I’m going to put everything below the cut, and if you wanna read it, cool, and if you don’t, that’s equally alright. I’m not scrapping for sympathy, I just want to talk to people that aren’t in my quote on quote ‘real life’ (pls don’t be offended, I love you all dearly).

So, feel free to ignore, this is going to be completely unedited, raw rambling about stuff that I need to get off my chest.

I guess I’ll start with the good stuff: I got accepted to interview for my teacher training course!!!!! I’m absolutely over the moon, and incredibly grateful to have this opportunity 🥰

I’m having a long weekend at home with my family, which is lovely, because it feels like ages since I was back at home. My amazing bestie/house mate sent me the cutest little care package this morning and omg I love her so much 🥺

I’m also finally starting to get on top of uni work, which is a big weight off my shoulder now I need to start with interview prep as well.

Now, before we move onto the bad stuff, a bit of backstory...

In December 2019, I got into a relationship with a guy who, quite frankly, is unlike any other boy I’ve ever met. He’s so kind, considerate, selfless, generous, funny, caring - basically every girl’s dream guy. We have similar interests, have never fought once, and were friends before we got into a relationship.

We had an incredible 3 months together as a couple, with so many incredible memories and laughs... and then lockdown happened in the England.

The announcement on 23rd March this year that England was going into lockdown sent me spiralling into my first ever panic attack (which was an absolutely horrendous experience) and my Mum drove up to my uni house in the middle of the night to bring me home.

I anticipated being at home for a few weeks, and then it turned into months. But these months were some of the best months of my life - Mum and I would go walking in the fields around where we live and have tv nights together, me and my friends from held games nights over zoom every Friday night so that we could see each other - it was incredible.

It was during these months at home that I decided, on a whim and not telling anyone other than my parents, to email my old school to see if they were part of any teacher training courses. At this point, I didn’t know for sure if I wanted to go straight into teaching after finishing my degree or if I wanted to do another job for a few years before committing myself to teaching. I’m a big believer in fate, and thought the response that I get to this email will decide.

So I sent it and, miraculously, got a response within a week, saying that they would be delighted to have me. I was ecstatic. Obviously nothing had been confirmed, because I still had to apply and be interviewed, but I had been given the confirmation that I didn’t realise that I so desperately wanted.

I texted my boyfriend and rang my best friend to tell them the news, and they were over the moon for me. But I also had to tell my boyfriend that this meant that I would be moving back to my home town once I finished my degree, something which is now mere months away.

I now had a clear direction in which my life was going, I’d smashed my second year at uni with flying colours, and my confidence in myself had flown up to an all time high. I had completely fallen in love with the person that I had become. Lockdown had also meant that I regained my love of my independence, and I realised that I wasn’t missing my boyfriend at all. In fact, the main person that I was missing was my best friend.

It was at this point that I started to have doubts about my relationship.

Surely after months of being apart I should’ve started to miss him? I even found myself not looking forward to going to see him for our birthdays as planned. Our text conversations had grown stale, and I didn’t want to call him because I had no clue what to say to him.

I’ve always been very career-minded. My focus was completely on my future plans, and he wasn't there in my visions as my boyfriend. He was there as a friend, yes, but not my boyfriend.

When I went to meet him in our uni city for our birthdays, I felt more like I was meeting up with a good friend and not my boyfriend.

I think by this point I had built all these feelings up so much in my head that it was always going to be hard to move past them. But I said to myself that I wasn’t going to make any decisions about what to do with my relationship until I had moved back to uni for a couple of months and we spent some time together again properly, going back to near enough the way that things used to be before the pandemic took over.

So I moved back to uni, and this takes us nearly up to present day.

First of all, we both worked to run some of the event during the uni’s freshers’ week, which left us exhausted and busy. The week after we went into lectures, and the pressure hit me straight away.

To work at my dream school, I need a first-class degree (that’s the highest ranking of undergraduate degree that you can get in England). Yes, I’m already averaging at a good first, but the pressure to keep it up is immense. If I don’t get this grade, all the things that I’ve worked so hard to achieve will go down the drain.

On top of all my degree work, I was completing my teacher training application, running weekly events at the Students’ Union (SU, for short), being dragged into meetings every other week...it’s been insane.

So me and my boyfriend hadn’t had a single date night since we got back. Again, I hadn’t missed it and I was completely fine with it.

I then got invited for an interview for my teacher training course, and realised how busy I was going to be for the rest of this academic year. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to maintain a relationship on top of everything else. I then thought about what my life would be like when I started my course next September. If I was being realistic, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to maintain a long-distance relationship.

I also didn’t think that I wanted to maintain it. I missed being single, I was putting off date nights that he was trying to arrange in favour of chilling by myself in my room. But I also felt bad that I was essentially going to be putting my relationship on hold for a semester, to then resume as usual for a few months at the beginning of 2021, to then say actually I don’t think I can make this work when I moved home.

So on Tuesday, after much deliberating and talking, my boyfriend and I mutually decided to part ways as a couple after 10 months of being together, but remain the best of friends.

I was a lot more upset than I thought I would be, considering that I had brought the topic up and essentially instigated it (although the decision was mutual).

I sobbed and sobbed, and it was then that I started to doubt my decision. He’s devastated, my Mum too, and I started to wonder if I’d made a mistake.

When talking to my Mum on the phone, I listed all of his good qualities and how amazing he his and my Mum just asked “If he’s this good, as I know he is, why did you want to break up with him? There’s not many like him out there.”

I’m still thinking about that question. It genuinely haunts me.

I’ve been alright for the past few days. After a good sleep on Tuesday night, I woke up feeling okay and like all my doubts about my decision had vanished.

I’ll be honest, I’ve always been a Mummy’s girl. Her opinion and advice mean the world to me. And I know that she disagrees with the decision that I made to leave my boyfriend, she’s said it to my face multiple times. And now, the only thing making me doubt my decision is the fact that she is completely in disagreement, saying how amazing we were together as a couple and questioning how I could let him go.

I know it’s my decision, but her opinion means a lot to me. She’s always known what’s best for me, been so right about so many people, and that’s scaring me beyond belief.

We’re going to talk about it later today, and I have no clue what’s going to happen.

So I’m feeling a bit all over the place at the moment, that’s the only way I can describe it. Who knows what’s going to happen next - I sure don’t...

If you made it this far, honestly congratulations because I don’t think I would’ve 😂

Thank you for listening to me ramble, and thank you for being there for me to talk to.

All my love,

Emily x

#emily rambles #personal #as in #hella personal

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insfiringyou · 4 years ago

Text

BTS - Early Morning (Jungkook x Young-soon)

Contains: Fluff. Light bickering.

This fic contains discussion around screening for Cervical Cancer (pap smear/smear test) which may be potentially triggering. You can find out more about how the test is usually carried out here. This scenario is set after Jungkook and Young-soon have moved to Incheon, after the events of ‘Home Again’.

We wanted to show some moments between the members and their girlfriends that may not seem grand or important in the long run, but that highlight some of the conversations they might have in private. We also don’t want to shy away from some of the arguments, disagreements or bickering that might take place. More couples to follow soon.

You can find out more about our headcanon universe and ongoing storyline here and more about our headcanon girlfriends here.

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM / Jin / Suga / J-Hope / Jimin / V / Jungkook & our full masterlist of fics and art can be found here

Content below the cut

The clattering of ceramic pots from the kitchen filled the hallway as Young-soon closed the front door. Her morning run around the neighbourhood had helped wake her up and she welcomed the damp sensation of her ponytail between her shoulder blades along with the layer of perspiration which glistened on her forehead. Since moving to Incheon, she had been meaning to take it up again just as she had as a teenager. Growing up near the coast had its advantages; inner Seoul had been too polluted most days to enjoy the hobby, but the faint breeze of the sea near her new apartment, just blocks away from her childhood home, made it easier to breathe. She heard the low, noisy buzz of the blender being turned on and traipsed into the kitchen. “You’re up early…”

Jungkook turned at the sound of her voice. “It’s seven.” He blinked, switching off the machine and reaching towards the draining board to grab a glass. The smoothie was a dark purple in colour and she observed a scattering of loose berries and fruit peel on the counter top.

“I thought you’d want to sleep in.” Reaching automatically to toy with the wet end of her hair, she swooped it casually over her shoulder. “What were you doing last night?” Her tone was casual but curious. The light in the spare bedroom had been on when she went to bed at midnight, and still on when she woke up, needing to use the bathroom at 3am.

“Did I wake you?” Frowning apologetically, he walked towards the kitchen table and took a seat.

“No…” She murmured easily. “I just figured you were playing that new game.”

He knew immediately which she meant; Hoseok had gifted the vintage package to him the week before; the cover image instantly filling him with nostalgia at the memory of playing it together years before, just after their debut. They would sneak off between practice to take it in turns, hoping they could level up and save the game before they were inevitably called back to work.

“I finished it.” He admitted with a guilty smile. In comparison to those days, it seemed he had all the time in the world to play.

She rolled her eyes but was unable to help matching his timid grin. “Of course you did.”

“I was looking at job advertisements.” He explained, making her scoff a little at the unexpected answer.

“You’ll upset your fans…” She teased.

“I meant for you.” He looked up from his smoothie, meeting her gaze.

“I haven’t handed in my notice yet.”

“You shouldn’t hand in your notice until you’ve found something else.”

She couldn’t help but smirk at his serious tone. “You seem to know a lot about it.”

“Yoongi told me…” He admitted gingerly, realising she would know he had been discussing her plans with the others.

Her shoulders relaxed as she sighed. “You don’t have to job hunt for me Jungkook.”

“I know...but since I was up…” He protested weakly, knowing she disapproved before giving in, changing the topic. He nodded towards the doorway. “I collected the post. There was a letter for you.”

“Oh?”

He watched her turn and head back the way she came, eyes settling briefly on her backside which curved against the pink fabric of her sweat pants. The ripping sounds of an envelope being torn open came from the doorway, followed by her low voice.

“Fuck!”

He glanced up, a little startled as she came back in the room, clutching a piece of paper along with what looked like a pamphlet of some kind. “What’s wrong?”

She placed the typed letter on the table with a heavy hand. “It’s just for my smear. The doctor keeps sending me letters.”

His eyes widened. “The doctor?”

She shook her head, more to herself than him as she paced. “I’ve been meaning to ring them, but it just keeps slipping my mind.” Her voice trailed off and she pulled a chair from under the round table, taking a seat opposite him.

“Is it serious?” He asked, voice full of concern.

“Kind of…” She replied, looking up at him. It was immediately obvious from his expression he had misunderstood and a small smile crept onto her lips. “It’s just a routine screening. The joys of having a cervix.” She murmured sarcastically.

“Cervix?”

“Yeah, they…” She started, wondering how to explain and instead reaching for the folded piece of paper. “Maybe you should just read the leaflet…” She passed it to him and watched him unfold it carefully, placing it flat on the kitchen table and reaching for his reading glasses. He was quiet while she watched him read the text, eyes moving along the lines as he started at the very top and worked his way down meticulously.

“So did you find anything?” She asked, breaking the stretch of silence.

“Mmm?” He mumbled, clearly engrossed in what he was reading. The leaflet was routinely sent to her every six months and outlined what was involved in the screening and how it was carried out. She had only properly read it once and had discarded them ever since, placing the folded sheet on the hallway cabinet with the intention of going back to it at a more convenient time, before forgetting completely and eventually throwing it away with the rest of her junk mail.

“The job search…”

“Oh.” He looked up briefly before turning back to the page. “Yeah, there was a PR role being advertised...you wouldn’t even have to drive.” He murmured distractedly.

“And the pay scale?” Her eyebrows raised with the tone of her voice, giving away her interest.

“More than you earn now.” A blush rose to his cheeks, realising he was giving away that he had, on more than one occasion, opened her mail by accident. “I think.” He added as an afterthought as his eyes skimmed over a scientifically rendered drawing of the female reproductive system.

“When’s the closing date?”

“Next Monday. There was an application form to fill in.” Looking up, he pointed to the pamphlet, eyebrows knitted together. “Do all women have to go for these?”

She shrugged. “Pretty much…”

His mouth lulled open in shock. “Does it hurt?”

Automatically, her lips twisted in response, remembering the first and only test she had been to. “It’s not the nicest feeling in the world.”

He pressed on uneasily, suddenly understanding her earlier remark when she tore open the letter. “And you’re overdue?”

Taking the leaflet from his grasp, she folded it back up with a light groan. “You sound like my mom.”

There was a pause before he looked at her. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you…” He said gently.

“It won’t.” She replied weakly.

Dissatisfied, he continued. “I could come with you? If it would make you feel better…”

His offer was genuine, but the thought of him seeing her like that made her cringe. “It’s honestly not that exciting…” There was a playful edge to her tone and he recoiled, realising how it might have sounded on his part.

“I didn’t mean...” He started feebly, before nodding back towards the folded information booklet, dutifully recalling what he had read. “It says it can be uncomfortable for some women. I thought maybe I could be with you? If it would make you feel better.” He repeated cautiously, cheeks visibly pink.

She sighed, giving in. “Okay.”

He settled back in his chair, clearly happy at her having agreed.

“What are you working on today?” She asked as her mind turned back to the reason he was up so early after having a late night.

“Just the finishing touches to the single.” He shrugged casually. “I’m due in the studio at midday.”

“Do you think you’ll go on tour?” She asked with interest. “When the album’s out I mean.”

Frowning, he shook his head, looking down at his folded hands. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

Her chest seemed to fill with butterflies when he looked at her soberly. “Because I’d have to leave you.”

***

Thank you for reading. To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM / Jin / Suga / J-Hope / Jimin / V / Jungkook

& Our full masterlist of fics and original art can be found here

& Our masterlist of preferences/most likely to/quizzes and fun stuff is here

You can support us by buying admins a coffee here (if you wish). :)

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honeyctzen · 4 years ago

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scarred leash (prologue) - m.l

IMPORTANT: This is the prologue for my newest fanfiction and is an introductory to the main character and the themes of this story. It involves sex, bdsm, self harm and themes relating to that matter. It will also not just be sex, but have an actual story and characters falling in love. If any of this is not for you, my other works are much lighter and less “plotty”. I really hope this excites you for the rest of the story, I am very much proud of it. Thank you! - Maisie ♡

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I was sixteen when I chose to leave home without even whispering a word to anyone. Sixteen when I decided I had to go out alone into the world, to make my own way with the little experience I had gathered so far. It took a long time to map out my plan, endless days that turned into sleepless nights. I spent most of my last teenage years memorising a singular night, a night that would lead me into the next stage of my life.

My dusty countryside town was a few hours from the monumental London. I thought about the city all hours of the day, the faraway land that was London. The idea of even stepping foot in it was weird and foreign and still, it was the only place I ever wanted to go. I’d lived in one place for my entire life and rarely ever left the town, in fact I’d only left it a few times. All because of hospital trips. The idea of living away from that place was terrifying and yet, completely exhilarating. Given that back then, I’d been pretty naive to how the world works as I’d never been told of it. I wanted a nice house, nice job, maybe I would meet a nice person and we would have a nice relationship. I had come to learn as my research into London and life in general continued that it wouldn’t be that simple. Everything was complicated. If you wanted a place to live, there was several thousand procedures you had to endure. If you wanted a job, you had to have a thousand different qualifications. I thought after realising all this that my hopes of leaving were over, that was when I had begun thoroughly planning.

Through school and college I was able to obtain the qualifications I needed to move away and work in business. I knew I would have to work for a few years before I gained any sort of fulfilling job, but I had endured years of education, I understood patience. Through research I had found a small flat that I would be able to pay for with money I’d saved over the years and earnings from a job I would later procure. Life would still be difficult, I knew this. I was a young, inexperienced girl moving out to a tumultuous city, it would be dangerous. Though I had concluded long ago that dying in this new fantastical place was far better than peddling on back home, where I would die unknown, just another body in the wet dirt underneath the town church.

I knew by leaving that I was inflicting an unimaginable amount of pain upon my mother, who was as neurotic as she was suffocating. Though I understood she didn’t mean to be, I couldn’t bring myself to feel sympathy for her. My father ran, as did my older brother, leaving me and my ailing grandmother the only people she had left. I wasn’t old enough to understand why my father had just abandoned us but once I grew enough to comprehend love, pain, divorce, I got it. This town was the entire world for my mother but as I got older, she realised it wouldn’t be for me. Instead it would be a restraint.

The first time I recall my mother knowing I would be difficult is when I was eleven. I developed much quicker than most children my own age, breasts already sprouting on my chest, hair spreading over my body. There was a huge wave of name calling, little jabs at my appearance, and while I tried to ignore it, eventually it burrowed beneath my skin. That was the same year I cut myself for the first time. My fingers coiled around a pair of scissors, pressing the metal over the flesh of my arm until a litter of red scratches appeared over the pale skin. Back then, it was just a punishment, a way of controlling myself from completely losing my mind. I stopped it for a while. In natures due course, the other girls grew into their bodies and I was planted back into an unremarkable place among my peers. There was no bullying and so, I forgot about cutting myself for a couple years.

While I had physically matured much quicker than others my age, mentally, it seemed I had been halted somewhere. There appeared no reason for it but the things that my schoolmates were interested in disgusted me. When a friend first showed me porn, I remember feeling vomit rise up in my throat. A woman, bundled up with rope, a muscled, balding man arched over her. The blood curling shrieks that filled the room felt torturous. I couldn’t understand how people liked this, how they liked it enough to pleasure themselves to it. I suppose that was when my fascination with sex begun. Initially, it was hatred, a complete abhorrence for the thing, a vexation that appeared randomly and intensely. If a classmate would mention it, or describe any sort of sexual act, I felt ill. My stomach twisting uncomfortably as the boys all called out derogatory names for the women they had seen in the films and then once again, I grew to hate my body.

I was fifteen the next time I cut myself. It was much more deliberate, much more intense. I had swapped out the dull scissors, for a pocket knife a friend had gifted me. It was able to bury itself much deeper than before and immediately, with the first slice, a tsunami of relief rolled over me. Though, it was a different kind of relief than it had been those years before. I found myself thinking back to the woman I had seen in the porn, the intricate ropes that clasped themselves over her limbs, the pained screams that passed her lips. The man leaning over her figure, how his fingers gripped the flesh of her waist, how he bevelled his teeth down onto her neck until it bled. I found myself recalling each detail of the images I had seen so long ago, and I found myself cutting down into the flesh as the memories scurried across my brain.

I felt guilty afterward, an awful guilt that followed me around for weeks. But then, a boy would mention shapes they had seen in porn and suddenly, I would feel the urge to damage myself again. It spiralled quickly. So quickly that I, myself, was shocked. Instead of recalling images I had seen, I created my own imaginations. Blurred, colourless visions of violence, and sex dulling into one, all as I pulled a knife against my own skin. It continued for months, months of fantasies and cutting and by the time my sixteenth birthday hurdled toward me, I had a plethora of thick scars covering my arms and legs. Though that didn’t faze me when finally, three years after all my friends, my mother bought me a cell phone.

She would scour over the phone from time to time, checking my messages, calls, emails, and all other forms of communication. Yet, of all the applications on the phone, my mother was the most ignorant to the internet. She didn’t understand the concept of it, let alone know it was built into the mobile and so, I was able to roam free for the first time. And I roamed. My inexperience meant I didn’t know what sites to go to, nor did I know which keywords to search. The titles of the videos that came up almost seemed to be in a foreign language but after a couple of trips to the websites, I gathered the premise of each category. After locking myself in the bathroom, I would go to the sites and type in words such as bondage, submissive, sadism, pain and the things I liked would appear. Though I now understood how people looked at porn, I still didn’t understand why they touched themselves to it. Merely pushing a blade into my leg as I watched seemed to be enough. I wasn’t sure if it was sexual for me, or if it was a punishment thing as it had been when I was younger.

My understanding of my own sexuality went little further than this and my adventures on the websites dwindled until they stopped. It had grown to stop making me feel any better, and so I began inflicting more serious physical harm upon myself. The hospital visits followed soon after, as did my mother’s rantings about how unhealthy that stuff all was for me. For once, she paid attention to me. It almost felt nice, deserved. But I couldn’t hold it for long, as quite abruptly, my grandmothers health began to decline. She died a while after growing sick, and the absence of her in the house made my mother somehow more insufferable. And though we lived in the same house, it was almost as if we were separated by an unseen barrier.

I didn’t completely mind, it gave me enough solitude to go about my planning. Endless research into where I could live in London, what jobs I could obtain with the qualifications I would acquire after leaving sixth form. It took a while to find what would suit me right but after I finally latched onto it, my future suddenly felt full, meaningful almost. I now had something to look forward to, something to work toward. So, I studied harder, concentrated on the daydreams of my new life away from the idle cottage town. My grandmother had left some money to both me and my mother, more to me. I insisted I was able to tend to my own finances and after long bouts of pleading, my mother agreed. I had money, two months left at sixth form and then I could leave.

Time blurs together, memories jumbling, I can barely remember the last few months back home. But what I do recall vividly, is the night I left. I had booked train tickets the week prior and planned to stay in a hotel while I found somewhere to live. I needed to be close to the central city, I knew that much, though, not much else. I’d found a job interview for admin staff at a stockbroking company. My business a level came in handy, and my odd passion for calculations and numbers did too. If I could just get this job, if I could get that flat, I could make it.

I chose to leave during the night, climbing from my bedroom window, scuttling across the streets like a fragile hedgehog. I’d never even snuck from my house once before and the first time I was, I was doing so knowing that I would never come back. With every step I took I thought I would be caught and hauled back home by my hair. Each step further from the slanted bungalow made my heart beat a little faster until, gradually my pulse slowed, and the gentle pitter of my feet grew to calm myself. Though I didn’t feel completely secure until I passed the welcome sign to the town. But once I did, I felt a weight pulled from my stomach. A sudden notion that I had done it, I had gotten away like my father and brother did years ago, like my grandmother had in death. I was now free to do everything I had lost the chance to do through my mother’s coddling. I could drink, do drugs, have sex with an endless stream of people, work. I found myself grinning as I wandered further from town, the dishevelled map directing me toward the train station. The smile pulling at my lips until I worried they would rip. And it only widened when I spotted the station, when I saw my train, when I boarded, when the train began to drift from the docile place I had called home.

I knew that now, I was reborn, I was my own person. It had taken three years to map everything, to prepare myself for life away from the secure blanket I had been smothered with all my life. But now, it had all come to fruit. I dreamt of London on the train, my head pressed against the window, my scarred legs trembling with the thought of all the things that I could do. My chest thick, and heavy with excitement.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

London was everything I had imagined and so much more. It was larger than anything I had ever seen back home, with each building bigger than the next and thousands of vehicles filling the roads. As the train eventually rolled into the city, my eyes clasped over each detail that began to emerge. The differences of the people that wandered the streets, the warmth in the chatter that clambered through the train windows. Everything was so different, so good. I found myself smiling away as I watched from my place in the tube container, my toothy grin shining back at me in the reflection. I was finally there, finally apart of everything I had read about.

Walking the streets was even better, even more real. My feet paced the same tempo as everyone else, my body dipping between the mounds of crowd as I ambled through the roads, glancing down at the map I had printed back in my murky home. The directions were confusing, each street twisting awkwardly to the next and what should have been a five-minute walk turned into two hours of working out where I was. Though eventually, after consulting several locals, I found my way to the flat I had seen in the ad weeks ago. It was in what my mother would have called a ‘ghetto area’ but it was still much larger and greater than the street I had lived on all my life. It looked a normal house though split into three different flats, with a garden leading up to the two doors and ivy climbing up the sides of the home. I’d felt nervous to knock, I wasn’t particularly sure why. Perhaps because the person to answer could have been my future roommate but now, thinking back, I shouldn’t have been.

The person that had answered was taller than me, her gangling arms hanging low, one raised to her mouth as she nursed a cigarette. She was beautiful in an odd way, striking, her nose large and hooked, hair shorted and burnt from styling. She smiled widely when she spotted my obviously anxious face, her voice pouring out in its deepness.

‘The tenant?’ She mumbled through puffs of the intensely clouded cigarette.

‘Um, yeah.’

‘Cool, cool, yeah, sorry, come in.’ Her accent was prominent, thick and harsh but calming all at once. I smiled as I stepped into the flat, the stairs immediate at the entry. I stood beside my single suitcase, my backpack still on my shoulders, her gaze dancing across them before she turned away. She climbed them ahead of me, her feet clattering against the wooden steps and I trailed behind, eyes clinging to each detail of the walls. I wanted to take in as much as I possibly could, I wanted this to be my home, my sanctuary.

Once we stood in the depth of the flat, the girl began to speak again, pulling the cigarette from her mouth for a moment. Throwing her body onto the dusty sofa and awaiting me to sit beside her. I allowed the bag to drop to the floor, my feet pushing it further from me. My lanky limbs folded in on themselves as I perched on the seat, features impossibly too bright for the dullness of the flat.

‘You’re eighteen?’

‘Nineteen.’ I corrected abruptly.

‘Okay, you just have to be eighteen to rent, but that’s fine then,’ she said, inhaling from the stick before releasing the dense cloud into the room, ‘so, um, this is it.’

‘Um, what’s your name?’ I ask quietly.

‘Oh, shit, sorry, I’m Rose, and you?’

‘Ellie.’ I mumbled.

‘Are you the owner?’

She snickered, ‘Uh, no, my uncle is so I get a discount, barely, but, it helps. Um, he doesn’t really care who moves in but I, I do, I live here, so.’

‘Yeah,’

‘You’re not from here?’ She asked, finally pushing the cigarette into the ash tray that sat near her. The smell still strong but dissipating enough for me to open my mouth to speak.

‘No, I um, actually moved here today.’

‘Shit.’

‘Yeah, um, so, I’m new to this.’

‘Where you from?’

‘A little town just outside Sheffield, I, um, hated it, figured it was time to get away.’ I explained as briefly as I could, my fingers instinctively pulling on my sleeves whilst I spoke of home.

‘For a bit or are you staying here long term?’ She questioned, eyes flitting once more over the lack of things I had brought with me. It hadn’t been that I had forgot much, I hadn’t owned many things back home, not things that warranted bringing anyway.

‘Long term.’ I answered immediately.

‘And you’re gonna work here?’

‘Hopefully,’ I chuckled, ‘I have a job interview tomorrow, so, I um, I’d find work anyway, so I could pay, but,’

‘Cool, so, you want to move in then?’ She proposed, her voice soft, speaking the question as though it held no merit. My stomach churned, lips parting in another goofy smile, head nodding vigorously.

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sweetenthislittlehand · 5 years ago

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drarry fic recs

since i read so much fanfiction, and most of it drarry, i decided to make a rec list specifically for all my favorite drarry fics. because what else are you gonna do when you’re under quarantine? and i’ve got a lot of recs, so get comfortable.

first off, lemme just say that if you haven’t read any Saras_Girl fics, you absolutely should. she’s my favorite fic author of all time, really only ever writes drarry (although a lot of her fics feature background romione), and she’s still an active writer. there’ll be a lot of her stuff on this list, so if you don’t know where to start, just keep reading.

Reparations by Saras_Girl [87k, E]

Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.

this is my favorite fic of all time, okay? harry is a healer trainee at st. mungo’s, and all the trainees go through rotations in different departments of the hospital. harry’s first rotation is in the chemical dependency department, where he discovers he’ll be working under none other than our illustrious draco malfoy. this is so well written, and the characterization is so spot on, and it’s the perfect slowburn. i’ve read it so many times. i practically consider it canon at this point. (it’s also part of a series — Foundations!verse — and i love the sequel just as much.)

Talk To Me by Saras_Girl [15k, T]

When the usual channels of communication are shut down, the most surprising people can find a way in. A strange little love story.

probably my favorite one-shot. it’s an eighth year fic, but honestly, the year isn’t important to the story. harry gets hit more-or-less accidentally by a spell that renders him blind and deaf, and a *mysterious person* comes to his rescue. it’s the absolute sweetest thing i have ever read in my life. without the means to communicate normally, draco writes the words with his finger on the palm of harry’s hand. the characterization, again, is perfect. and harry figuring things out and reconciling apparently conflicting ideas of what he knows of draco left me squealing.

Building It Together by digthewriter [27k, E]

Forced proximity can only lead to bad things, right? Right.

this is such an original fic, and the concept is so intriguing. grimmauld place is tearing itself apart because harry’s been avoiding the house and its memories, and it finally breaks its magical ties to him. and sirius’ nearest blood relative is none other than draco malfoy. to save the house from itself and restore it to harry, draco has to move in, and with sections of the house disappearing... there’s only one bed. also let me just say that draco’s job is the most original thing i’ve ever seen, and it’s so fascinating and magical, and i love it. this is such a good fic.

Feel You In These Walls by alpha_exodus [6k, E]

Just this once, Harry thinks. Just this once, they'll kiss, they'll have sex, and then it'll be over. Draco hadn't expected more than that either. But then it happens again, again, and neither of them had anticipated having feelings involved - but then they've never been able to keep anything casual, have they?

i don’t usually read fics that are smut-centric, cause, y’know... asexual. but i really like this one. it’s beautifully written, and the dynamic is just. so great. also, asexual or no, i am not immune to tension. (i’ll take or leave the smut — in fact i’d mostly rather leave it — but unresolved tension? heck yeah.)

Salt on the Western Wind by Saras_Girl [60k, M]

When the war isn’t quite as over as it first appears, a guilt-ridden Harry is sent to a mysterious safe-house. Among sandwiches, insomnia, and Mills & Boon, he discovers something quite unexpected.

in the face of the dangers of the remaining deatheaters who have not been apprehended, mcgonagall sends harry, ron, and hermione to a safe-house. narcissa malfoy, having saved harry’s life asks one thing of him: to take draco with him into hiding. things take an unexpected turn when draco accidentally fouls up a spell and binds harry’s wrist to his by a silver thread that will only break when the people bonded ‘have reached a point of mutual understanding, confidence, and accord’. it’s so well-written, and i love the setting, and everything a lot. it’s wonderful.

Stealing Sweaters by DorthyAnn [12k, T]

It's their eighth and final year and over the course of several months, Harry and Draco have managed to become close friends. Their friends are entirely certain that they ought to be much, much more. So they just decide to... help things along.

this is so sweet, so fluffy. i die. harry and draco’s relationship in this is to live for. there’s platonic cuddling and hugging and sweater stealing, and then comes the realization that it’s maybe not as platonic as they thought. the idea behind this one is that harry and draco’s friends think they know what they need, and decide to meddle, and really all they’ve done is mess everything up.

Rainfall by Saras_Girl [4k, T]

So what if Draco has a rain kink? Everyone likes something weird.

literally the only thing you need to know about this fic is that draco has a rain kink. it’s bloody fantastic. i think you’ll find this is as much about draco as it is about drarry, and if you’re as obsessed with draco as i am, you’re gonna love that. (and by that, i mean draco absolutely soaked and with his face tipped up into the falling rain. it’s a beautiful mental picture.)

On a Clear Day by Saras_Girl [41k, M]

Draco Malfoy is waiting for his real life to begin, and it appears that he’s not the only one. Coffee, charity, and the wisdom of the elderly.

draco works for a charity, and his boss is very insistent that he get harry potter to attend their next event. except that harry potter doesn’t attend events at all, and he hasn’t responded to any of draco’s owls, and draco’s just about had it. this is a marvelous fic. it deals with draco feeling the pressure of restoring his family’s good name, it deals with harry’s trauma, how his past experiences have affected him after the war, it deals with the relationship between them in a really important way. because it’s a ‘no i actually hate you, you were a bastard’ and there’s no ‘wait, is that sexual tension’ and ‘well, maybe it’s okay because he was a child at the time’. not that those aren’t valid and really good things to read about in fics, but it’s nice to see it from this ‘i’m a mature adult, so i’m not gonna be petty about this, but i do actually hate you’ angle. i like it a lot.

Time and Again by manixzen [64k, E] work in progress

Harry's absolutely sure it's Malfoy's fault that they are stuck reliving the same day over and over. Harry is good at his job. He's professional, has an excellent closure rate, and is a well-respected Auror. Malfoy's the unprofessional one with his snark and his judgemental eyebrows and his far too-posh-for-work robes. If Malfoy could have managed to refrain from being a pain in the arse, everything would have been just fine. They wouldn’t have gotten in yet another argument, Harry wouldn’t have been distracted, and Harry certainly wouldn’t have accidentally set off a powerful artifact at their crime scene. And if Malfoy would just get out of his way now, Harry's sure he can quickly fix this so they can get back to their comfortable professional dislike of one another.

so, it is a work in progress, and i know a lot of people don’t like reading those (myself included), but it’s being regularly updated, and there’s only one chapter left. so i’d definitely recommend it! it’s a pretty great fic, and worth a read.

Tea and No Sympathy by who_la_hoop [70k, E]

It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again. It's been nearly a year since the unpleasant business at Hogwarts, and Draco's getting on with his life quite nicely, thank you, until Harry sodding Potter steps in and ruins it all, just like always. At first, though, the time loop seems liberating. For the first time in his life, he can do anything, say anything, be anything, without consequence. But the more Draco repeats the day, the more he realises the uncomfortable truth: he's falling head over heels for the speccy git. And suddenly, the time loop feels like a trap. For how can he ever get Harry to love him back when time is, quite literally, against him?

just in case one time loop fic isn’t enough for you, why not have two? this one’s also really enjoyable, and i think you should give it a go. if you only have the attention span for a single time loop fic, i would probably suggest Time and Again over this one, but that’s a personal preference. this one has some pretty great moments all its own, and they’re both good reads.

All Life Is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl [114k, M]

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

alright, i realize that this is the length of an actual novel, and that i probably should not have read this as many times as i have, but when you find a fic as good as this one, you can’t just ignore it. this fic is beauty itself, it’s the essence of life, it’s mandatory for everything. you want to go to college? they ask about this fic on your application. you want to get married? there are things you need to know beforehand, like ‘stanley the beetle doesn’t like transfigured mint leaves as much as the real ones’. that’s essential. i don’t know if i like this fic so much because of how good it is, or just because of pet beetle owner solidarity.

Good To Me (And I’d Be So Good to You) by AWickedMemory (TeddyLaCroix) [8k, G]

Everyone returns to Hogwarts after the war, but nothing is quite the same. Harry's groupies are creepier than ever, Ron and Hermione are snogging all over the place, and the once-proud Draco is shuffling around like a kicked puppy. But that's okay: Harry's got a plan.

this fic is pure fluff, and if that’s not your thing i get that, but the premise of this is just so cute. because harry’s got a mental catalog of facts about draco malfoy and a) that’s hilarious and adorable, and b) they’re actually really interesting and insightful for draco’s characterization. also the end reveal is !!!

Thermodynamic Equilibrium by DorthyAnn [5k, T]

Harry's far too hot. Draco's always cold. And somehow against all odds, together they create a perfect equilibrium.

because this trope never gets old, and this is really nice. there’s so much cuddling, and so many blurred lines between friendship and romance, and i love it. i’m a firm advocate of cuddling in every fanfiction ever. no fic is complete without it.

Helix by Saras_Girl [92k, E]

Seven months after the end of the war, Harry is feeling lost. Fortunately, he is about to be offered an unexpected and sparkling chance to find himself again.

it’s about snails. in an effort to get harry and draco to get along a little better, mcgonagall assigns them to overseeing the care of some very delicate snails for hagrid. there’s lots of heartfelt conversations, and struggles, and they’re very in love, so that’s nice. there’s also some really well-handled snape content, which i actually appreciate a lot, despite not really liking snape. it sets snape as draco’s godfather (which is a headcanon i love), and there’s a lot of contrast between draco’s relationship with snape and his relationship with his actual father, and i appreciate that a lot.

#drarry #fanfiction #fic recs #ao3 #archive of our own #draco malfoy/harry potter

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viskovie · 4 years ago

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Almost Like Family

Chapter I

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Following his return to the States, Matt would like to say he was productive. Would like to say that he found a job, connected with old friends again, and started looking at apartments so he could finally move out of his mom’s house. In reality, he put in an application for college - after haphazardly picking a degree - and then lay around doing nothing. For six weeks.

He knows he needs to get his shit back together, but how the hell are you supposed to do that when some of it’s still in some godforsaken war camp on the other side of the world? His mom is worried about him, and usually that would be enough to guilt him into getting off his ass. But now it just gets under his skin. He’s been to war - literally. If he was only a boy before he left, he definitely isn’t anymore.

Part of him is uncomfortably aware that he’s being unreasonable. Of course his mom’s worried. Her baby just survived hell on earth - the same hell she lost her husband to. She doesn’t want to lose him, too. But still. Matt doesn’t appreciate the coddling. She was an army wife, so she of all people should know to leave him be.

The first thing he bought when he finally had his feet back on familiar ground was an armful of the most American fast-food he could think of. Later that evening, with his system flooded with relief and his belly full, he’d seriously considered ditching the whole college idea in favour of aimless travel. He’d wanted to buy a car and just roam the country until he’d seen everything there was to see. But his mom had - luckily - had the foresight to shut him out of his bank account before he got home. No better way of making your kid stick to the plan than not giving them any other options, he’d thought moodily, but he knows she was right. He still wants to travel around the States, but he reasons that he can do that after he’s graduated and got a good job.

He wants to be a veterinarian, although it was kind of a snap-decision. Besides, it’ll be a better reason to call himself a vet than going to war is. Will ever be. His time there was… useless. A waste of resources; of life… He doesn’t want to think about it.

He’s been having this recurring nightmare ever since he got home. He’s standing out in the desert - somewhere familiar, but he can never place exactly where. He always looks around, trying to remember, and when he turns back Chutsky’s walking toward him. There’s blood on his helmet and smeared all over his face. His gun is in his hands, but the trigger is missing. He gets close. Close enough for Matt to see how glassy and vacant his eyes are. He looks ragged and disoriented. He’s a shell of himself; all the life in him gone. Sometimes he just stands there, with a sad, longing look on his face, but sometimes he talks directly to Matt.

“Why didn’t you help me?”

“Why didn’t you try to stop me?”

“I had a family…”

It’s infinitely worse when he speaks, because Matt can never answer. He doesn’t know what to say. He’d been too busy covering his own ass to worry about anyone else’s, and his teammate had died for it. Chutsky always looks at him like he’s waiting for a response, but when he seems to realise that Matt isn’t going to reply, he turns away with a lonelier expression than before. He breaks into a sprint, gets a few steps away, and gets gunned down. He hits the dirt exactly like he did in Baqubah. The shot echoes in Matt’s head even after he’s sat up in bed, drenched in an icy sweat. It’s his fault that Chutsky’s dead. His fault, and there’s nothing Sergeant Harper can say that will change his mind.

He often wonders how Harper’s doing. The Sergeant’s a career soldier, so for him this is probably just an intermission before the next tour. Matt doesn’t envy him, but he does miss him. He wonders if Harper ever reconciled with his fiancée (Anne? Andrea?). He doesn’t like to think about that either.

Matt had discovered his sexuality in ninth grade. It had not been a particularly fun experience; he’d immediately told his best friend at the time, but the friend hadn’t taken it well. He was never mean about it, and never told anyone else (which Matt was, admittedly, grateful for) but there had been a weird tension between them ever since. Eventually, they drifted apart and didn’t really speak to each other again. In eleventh grade, Matt had his first - and last - boyfriend. Once they’d moved past the excitement of a new relationship, the whole thing had been disappointingly average. It had ended quietly. There were no hard feelings, but they were never friends. All in all, Matt isn’t proud of his attractions and tries to keep them under wraps as best he can. He’d been doing a pretty damn good job of it, too - until he’d met Sergeant Harper.

It hadn’t been some Romeo and Juliet, love-at-first-sight bullshit. There were plenty of good-looking men around, and statistically speaking some of them should’ve been gay, but something about Harper fascinated Matt.

It could’ve been anything, really. Even after fifteen months in Iraq, living practically on top of one another, Matt still couldn’t say he knew much about him for certain, besides what he knew as a soldier. Harper was fair, he knew when to pull rank and when to let things slide, he did his best to keep his team safe, and he showed a sensitivity that most of the other blokes had lost long ago. The only thing Matt didn’t like was that he never stepped in when Burton, Enzo and Chutsky’s teasing had gotten nasty. Harper had a “fight your own battles” attitude, which was all well and good, but sounded frustratingly like his middle school teachers. And so Matt did his best to ignore them, but it was hard not to feel alone when he noticed Harper watching and never intervening.

He also had this weird ability to know what Matt was thinking. After he’d broken his hand, Harper had asked how it happened. The question was casual, innocent, but Matt couldn’t quite force himself to make eye contact as he answered. The sergeant wasn’t an idiot. No way he bought the story, even if he never really mentioned it again. The rational part of Matt knew he couldn’t actually read minds, but still. He’d tried not to take any chances.

He knows he’d been in hot water by the time he finally left. He thinks back on their conversation in Baqubah, after the mission that was supposed to be quick and painless and ended up being a total shitshow, when he finally came clean and told Harper everything. Why he’d broken his own hand, how it’d happened, why he’d even signed up in the first place. Harper had nodded - he hadn’t brushed him off or told him to suck it up like the others would’ve, and Matt couldn’t tell him how much he appreciated it. Harper seemed to understand. But Matt thinks he’d confessed more than he’d meant to, even without explicitly saying it. Harper had given him a long, searching look before going back to his cigarette. Matt can’t stop thinking about it.

They were never exactly close, but did Harper suddenly seem to hold him at arm’s length? Was it because he’d known more than he was letting on, was it because he was still in shock over that ill-fated raid, or was it all in Matt’s head? Had he projected a little too much, desperately hoping for reciprocation and terrified of rejection?

He sighs, staring up at his bedroom ceiling. The paper stars he stuck up in sixth grade are still there, hanging from their fine white threads in a loose cloud. He thinks the original idea had been to cover his entire ceiling in them, make it look like a galaxy. He can’t quite remember. What would his twelve-year-old self think of him now? He’d dreamed of working at NASA. If he searches, he’ll probably find all the drawings and plans to build cool space tech that he made when he was a kid. The thought makes him smile, but it’s heartbreakingly bittersweet. Poor little Matt; lost his dad at six, lost his best friend at fifteen, and now losing himself at twenty-two.

His mom knocks gently on the door, tactfully waiting for invitation to enter. She’s holding the home phone. She looks a little sad, but quietly knowing.

“It’s for you, hun.” She says, holding it out for him. Matt accepts it and she gives him a small, tired smile.

“Don’t keep him waiting too long, he seems sweet.” She adds, shutting the door again as she leaves. Matt brings the phone to his ear. He doesn’t know who would be calling him, nor does he really care. It’s probably one of his few high school friends, making a token attempt to reconnect. He’s not expecting to hear Harper’s voice.

“Hey Ocre. How’s it feel to be home?”

Matt nearly drops the phone. He sits heavily on the edge of his bed.

“I- uh, good, sir. It’s good to be home.” Even to his own ears the words sound hollow. He sits up a little straighter, subconsciously falling back into the familiarity of addressing a senior officer. Over the line, Harper laughs softly.

“Yeah, it takes a little while to get used to the fact that nobody’s trying to kill you anymore.” He says. There’s a few moments of awkward silence, in which Matt can’t think of anything to say. Harper makes a sound like he’s clearing his throat.

“Are you still in the area?” He asks carefully. The question takes Matt by surprise. He fumbles his anwer, suddenly self-conscious about still living with his mom.

“Good. There’s some stuff we never got to talk about back there.” Harper continues steadily. Matt’s heart skips a beat and his blood runs inexplicably cold. No, no, no, no. What happened in Baqubah was going to stay in Baqubah, including their little ‘chat’.

“Ocre? You still there?”

“Uh…”

“When are you free?”Harper prompts. Never, Matt wants to say.

“Whenever.” Is what he actually says. He cringes as soon as the word has left his mouth. God, he sounds like a teenager with a crush! He hopes Harper doesn’t notice. But of course, no such luck.

“Damn, you’re that excited to see me again, huh?” Harper teases, laughing again. It sounds more genuine this time. Matt opens his mouth to snark back, but realises there’s nothing he can say that will let him win. They arrange a time and place to meet, and when they hang up he feels lighter than he has in weeks. He lies back on his bed, looking up at his stars again.

He isn’t sure whether to be relieved or agitated that he’s gonna see Harper again. He’d left Baqubah with the sense of absolute certainty that if he never saw or thought of the guys again he’d be able to forget what he’d seen and done. But on the other hand, Harper may well be the only other person in the world who knows exactly how he feels. It’s confusing, and Matt’s getting another headache.

He isn’t sure when he dozes off, but for the first time since he got home, he doesn’t have his regular nightmare. It’s not a peaceful sleep, but he doesn’t wake up with the shakes so he counts it as a success.

#sand castle 2017 #sand castle #matt ocre #sgt james harper #fanfic

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spectralscathath · 4 years ago

Text

Skinny Vanilla Latte

Mikaela is the world's nicest customer, and Yuu's heart absolutely Does Not go 'doki doki' whenever he comes into the cafe for his standard order. Anyone who says otherwise is entirely incorrect. (Mikayuu but Coffee Shop AU)

Commissioned Mikayuu oneshot for @fyrecrackeruwu

Ao3 link, ff.net link

“Peppermint mocha, extra whip, for Lacus!” Yuichiro called out, trying to remember his customer service smile even though he knew his eyes said ‘I’ll kill you’ to every person in the café. Narumi just had to go and get a new job, like the traitorous bitch he was. Being a lifeguard wasn’t even a real thing.

Narumi’s absence left the Moon Demon Café down a barista, and because Shinoa and Kimizuki were banned from interacting with the general public, Yuu had been the only one they could shunt from the kitchen into front of house.

Fuck this job. If he didn’t need it so badly he’d have tossed his apron in Guren’s stupid face to get rid of the shitsmug smirk.

“Hi, welcome to the Moon Demon Café,” he turned to the next customer. “What can I-” oh my god. Don’t pause keep talking. “… I get you today?”

Holy SHIT someone call Heaven because an angel had gone missing. Seriously, the customer standing on the other side of the counter was the prettiest guy Yuu had ever seen. Not to be corny on main, but this was the first time Yuu had ever thought ‘eyes like sapphires, hair like spun gold’ had ever felt like actually applicable metaphors for someone.

“A skinny vanilla latte, please?” Pretty Boy said with the utmost politeness, and Yuu remembered that breathing existed and so did brain functions.

“Of course, can I interest you in any of our specials today?” He put on his best grin, writing down the coffee.

“No thank you, just the coffee.” Pretty Boy kept smiling, already having his card ready to pay because clearly this guy was Mr Perfect Customer.

“Sure thing, can I get a name for this order?” He barely held back from tacking a pet name onto the end, but he managed. Someone get him a medal.

“Mikaela. Mika works though, please don’t try spell ‘Mikaela’.” Pretty Boy- Mika’s- smile became slightly glassy, with the wartorn eyes of someone who’d had consistent misspellings of their name throughout their life.

“Mika it is,” Yuu grinned at him and scrawled it down. “I’ll have that ready for you in a jiffy.” Why the fuck did he say ‘jiffy’.

Mikaela snorted, bringing a hand up to cover his smile. “Sure thing.”

Yuu smiled and started up the coffee grinder, his cheer instantly evaporating away when he heard the sound of an empty grinder. Where were the coffee beans kept again? Shinoa better not have moved their location to fuck with him.

“It’ll be just a sec,” he forced a grin at Mika, getting a shrug in return. Customer seemed chill, cool. He reached under the counter to find empty air, instantly ducking down to check. Nothing but coffee residue from the bags. Welp.

“Hey, Kimizuki?” He yelled at the back.

“What?!”

“Where’d the coffee get moved?”

“You think I know?! Figure it out yourself, dumbass! I’m cooking!”

Yuu’s eye twitched and he counted to ten in his head to prevent himself from leaping through the overpass to wring Kimizuki’s neck. “Of course,” he grumbled. “Let me just pull some coffee beans out of my ass, that’s how we run things here.”

There was a soft chuckle and Yuu blanched, realising that shitfuck his sarcastic grumbling might have been a little too audible. He whipped around. “Uh- sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Mika hid his laughter behind his hand again, blue eyes glittering like sapphires. “No no, it’s fine. Don’t worry.”

Yuu relaxed a little bit, kinda starstruck by the mirthful twinkle in those eyes. “I’ll just find you the coffee, give me a moment.” He spun around, hunting through every cabinet he could until he managed to find a dark roast with ‘hi Yuu’ scrawled on it in purple glittery ink. Shinoa and her fucking gel pens.

He started making the coffee properly this time, mentally promising that he would commit first-degree murder and get away with it the minute Shinoa showed her rat face again. He waited for the coffee machine to do the job and wrote Mika’s name on the takeaway cup, pausing before thinking to himself ‘fuck it’ and adding his phone number. He was gonna take the shot, especially since Mr Gorgeous had laughed at his sarcasm.

He finished putting it all together and smiled as he handed it over. “Skinny vanilla latte for Mika.”

“Thank you,” Mika grinned and pulled out a cup sleeve, slipping it onto the cup and completely hiding Yuu’s number. Yuu’s smile cracked. Fuck.

“Uh-” But Mika was already walking away after dropping change in the tip jar.

“Thank you!” He waved goodbye, the door closing behind him with a little jingle.

“You’re… welcome.” Goodbye gorgeous. Guess Yuu’d never see him again.

-------------

It was with great surprise that Yuu did in fact see Mika again, this time over Mitsuba’s shoulder as she did the ordering and customer talking while he just made coffee after endless coffee. Fuck rush hour holy shit.

He tried to catch Mika’s eye in-between frothing up milk and shaking cocoa powder over a cappuccino, green catching and locking with blue for the barest second before Mika smiled widely and gave him a little wave, a fancy-looking camera hanging around his neck. “Hi Yuu. Good luck with the rest of your shift, I hope it calms down a bit.”

“What, this? It’s no problem!” Yuu bragged, before he caught the side of his wrist on the milk spout and bit back a curse. Always with the burns.

“See you next time.” Mika grabbed his coffee, oblivious to Yuu’s plight, and walked out the door, again emptying some coins into the tip jar before he left.

Mitsuba turned to Yuu, blonde twintails bouncing with the movement. “You know that guy? He’s the nicest customer I’ve had yet. I hope he becomes a regular.”

“Yeah.” Yuu nodded. “Me too.”

------------

Mika did, in fact, become a regular. Which was awesome.

Every Wednesday and Friday like clockwork he’d show up, order his skinny vanilla latte to have there, pick a booth, and do stuff on his laptop. It was pretty cool, aside from the fact that Yuu couldn’t write terrible pick-up lines on the latte glasses.

That was Plan A of ‘Operation: get Mika’s number’ thwarted.

Plan B was to write it on the napkins, but then the problem was that Mika didn’t order food. Currently Yuu was on Plan C, which was Plan B but better.

Mika walked in with his laptop bag and his camera-holding thingie, waiting patiently in line until he was at the counter. “Hi Yuu.”

“Hey Mika. The usual?” Yuu gave him a charming grin.

“That’d be great, thank you.” Mika beamed. It was really pretty.

Yuu had to take a second to recover. “Easy, one usual coming up. Do you want to try a muffin to go with it? On the house, between you and me.”

Mika looked like he was considering it and for a moment Yuu’s hopes were rising, rising higher- “Thank you for the offer, but I already ate. Just the coffee, please.” And down those hopes fell, dashed against the rocks and crumpled like wretched Lucifer, cast from Heaven into the pits of hell.

“Sure thing. Give me a shot if you need a refill.”

“Will do.” Mika smiled at him, paid, and pottered off to go take a seat.

Yuu watched him go, noticing that he was wearing thigh-high boots what the fuck that wasn’t fair. That was illegal, that had to be illegal.

“Uh, sir? Sir? Can I order now?” Someone rang the bell and Yuu snapped back to reality, looking at the man in the- what the fuck was that a fucking cat? It looked like this man had lopped off the skull of a white tiger and mounted it on his head what the actual fuck. Yuu really hoped it was fake, he desperately fucking prayed.

Okay, goodbye Mika, hello Crazy Customer of the Day #309.

------------

“Afternoon, Mika, the usual?” Yuu grinned at him, the café a bit quieter than usual. Maybe this time he could get a good conversation in while making Mika’s coffee.

“Yep, and also an English Breakfast tea, no sugars. I hope that’s not too much trouble.”

“None at all. You meeting a friend here?” He hoped it wasn’t a date. His attempts to try give Mika his number through shitty pick-up lines could not be foiled so easily.

“You could say that.” Mika smiled cheerfully, offering his card. “On debit, please.”

“No prob. He here yet?” Yuu looked around, not spotting any new faces.

“He said he’d be by in a few minutes. I’m surprised there’s not a rush, normally this place is quite busy. I thought getting a table would be harder.” Mika looked quite concerned at that.

Yuu waved it off as he finished putting in the docket. “It’s pre-midterms week. Everyone’s panic-studying, ordering pizza in, all that stuff.”

Mika chuckled. “I guess it’s a good thing I’m on top of my studies then, or else I might have had to miss out on the best coffee on campus.”

“Wouldn’t want that.” Yuu shot him a finger gun and a wink, before wondering if he’d overdone it. Luckily, Mika seemed to find it hilarious by how his smile went supernova and his laugh bubbled out of him.

“Definitely not. Thanks again.” Mika placed some coins in the tip jar before he went to the booth he always tried to sit at, pulling out his phone once he sat down.

Yuu watched him go and set to work on making the drinks, wondering if he should try make a food platter. Counterpoint to him trying to woo Mika through good food was the fact that Kimizuki was a snotty bitch who would kill him if he gave out even more free food, crushes be damned.

And yeah, Yuu could totally throw down with Kimizuki, but Mitsuba would tattle about it if there was a fight and he’d probably lose his job.

He’d just have to make it the best damn coffee in existence.

He was halfway through making the tea when a man walked in, and Yuu had to stop and stare for a sec because while yes, he was very fucking gay for Mika, he still had eyes.

It was when the total hunk sat down in front of Mika that Yuu felt his bout of ‘he’s pretty’ turn into entirely rational jealousy. Was Mika dating this guy? It took a special kind of hotness to pull off a braid and dyed bangs, Yuu could admit.

He put on his customer service smile as he carried the drinks over, rampant envy broiling in his veins. He set drinks down, being extra delicate and polite with Mika’s coffee and blanking out the other guy entirely. “here you go, Mika. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thanks. Crowley, this is Yuu, the barista I mentioned. Yuu, this is my dad, Crowley.”

Yuu practically heard the record scratch sound. Dad?

His next thought was along the lines of ‘oh thank god, Mika’s still possibly available’, and he was starting to realise he may be desperate. “Nice to meet you, Crowley.”

“You too,” Crowley grinned back with a touch of a British accent curling around the words, red eyes twinkling in amusement. “Thanks for the cuppa, luv.”

Yuu nodded before tuning him out again and giving another smile to Mika, going around to clear some other tables and already plotting his next move. Fingerguns and winks were now on the table. Mhuahahahaha.

--------------

“So, Mika, how’s the photography?” Yuu struck up a conversation as he cleared away the latte glass, taking advantage of the restaurant’s quiet to try and kickstart a deep meaningful conversation that he was absolutely going to fill with stupid jokes.

“it’s going well,” Mika smiled, saving the photoshop file on the screen. Clearly he’d lost a file once by accident and saved every program with the vigour of a spartan warrior ever since. “Are you interested in photography?”

“Actually, I’m studying psychology,” Yuu grinned. “Gonna go for a masters if I can once I’m done with this, then eventually you’ll have to address me as Dr Yuichiro.”

Mika’s smile sharpened slightly. “A PhD, huh?”

“Thinking about it.” He shrugged, trying to look humble when he was anything but.

“I think Dr Yuichiro’s got a good ring to it,” Mika smiled slyly, and oh no that wasn’t fair he was not allowed to make it sound so sexy.

“You’re the first. Kimizuki said I shouldn’t be allowed near people,” he grinned.

“And you work the register?” Mika laughed.

“Used to work in the back ‘til Narumi up and ditched us to ‘follow his dreams’,” Yuu told him conspiratorially. “I’m the only one of the kitchen staff who can reliably not scare away customers, so I got shunted here.”

“Maybe I should thank Narumi then, if he got me such a good barista,” Mika smiled. “You’re not scary at all.”

“How dare you, I’m terrifying,” he joked.

Mika scoffed, sapphire eyes sparkling. “As terrifying as my cat.”

Yuu let out a theatrical gasp, balancing his tray on one hand as he clutched his heart. “I think I liked you better when you were a polite customer.”

Mika blinked innocently at him, a challenge curling at the edges of his toothy grin. “Am I not anymore? Shame.”

What a brat. Yuu smirked at him in answer. “Well, I can’t be rude to customers, so I’m legally required to say no.”

“Only legally? Not morally?” Mika rested his chin in his hands as he leaned forward on the table, his photoshop file left entirely forgotten.

“Morally I can say whatever the hell I want as long as it’s not said in front of consumers.” Yuu winked.

“I guess you’re treading on thin ice right now, huh?” Mika bit his lip in affected concern, a prominent pearly canine catching for a moment, and Yuu’s mind went fucking blank. “Best be careful then. I wouldn’t want my favourite barista to go jobless. Right, Yuu-chan?~”

“R-right.” Yuu stuttered for a moment as he tried and failed to come up with literally any kind of flirty remark in reply, getting zero zilch zip from his flatscreening brain. Head empty no thoughts. “I’ll get you a refill, then?”

Mika’s smile screamed ‘cat who caught the canary’. “Don’t keep me waiting, Yuu-chan.”

He nodded and scampered back behind the counter, taking a minute to settle his racing heart. He heard a tapping sound and looked at the overpass into the kitchen, Kimizuki rapping a spatula on the counter.

“You’re pathetic.” Kimizuki’s scornful gaze was only amplified by the glasses he wore.

Yuu flipped him off. Fuck Kimizuki.

--------------

Yuu steeled his nerve as Mika walked in, refusing to let his crush pull one over on him again. Shinoa hadn’t let up since Kimizuki had told her, and Yuu was getting real tired of every whipcrack hand motion she was sending his way.

Mika smiled very innocently as he walked up to the counter, blue eyes bright and oh-so-breathtaking. “Hello, Yuu-chan.”

Little bastard.

“Good to see you too, Mika,” he grinned, resting his elbows on the counter. “Here for your usual, or are you thinking of switching it up?”

“Hm,” Mika tilted his head like he was considering it. “Now that you mention it, maybe I should try something out. How about something a little sweeter this time, Yuu-chan?”

“I think you’re sweet enough already,” Yuu flirted cheesily, watching Mika’s eyes widen a touch. That’s right, he could flirt too. All that ‘Yuu-chan’ business had no power over him now. “But sure, hit me up with what you want to try.”

Mika’s eyes sparkled delightfully, a challenge in his smile. “What’s your poison, then?”

Yuu raised a brow. “Well, I’m a black coffee kind of guy-”

“Because you grind so fine?” Mika interrupted him, like he didn’t just say the sexy pick up line for Yuu.

He gave Mika a Look, Mika merely batting his eyes back at him. “Double shot, nothing extra.” Maybe a bit of hazelnut when he really needed a pick-me-up. “That’s my coffee.”

“A ‘keep me up til two AM’ kind of guy, I like that.” Mika snickered.

“Stop it,” Yuu cautioned. Only he was allowed to use terrible puns like that.

“Make me,” Mika downright dared him, leaning over the counter a little more.

Yuu grabbed his chin and looked him in the eye, a spark of victory gleaming in his emerald gaze. “Keep it up and we’ll see where it gets you, gorgeous.”

Mika’s pupils dilated.

Yuu smirked at him and let go, picking up the docket sheet. “So, coffee order? You’re holding up the line, babe.”

Mika beamed, a smile like spun sunshine. “You know what, I think I’ll go for my usual after all. But maybe next time I’ll be a bit more daring.”

“Sure you will.” Yuu winked at him. “Later, beautiful.”

Mika laughed as he went to his favourite booth, Yuu internally high-fiving himself as he went. That went excellently.

Okay. Next time he’d ask him out. Next time for sure.

-------------

Today was the day. It was absolutely the day. Today for sure.

He handed Mika his coffee, got ready to say ‘I love you give me your number’, and chickened out when he realised that was absolutely not the way to ask and would instead plant him straight in ‘ultra creep’ territory.

Next week. Next week for sure.

------------

Yuu looked up from wiping down the counter, groaning as Shinoa came in. “Aren’t you meant to be on your day off?”

“Well, yes,” Shinoa smiled far too innocently, and Yuu’s hackles went up with suspicion. “But my dearest friend has been telling me ALL about his new favourite café, so I had to come by and see it.”

“Shinoa, you work here.” Yuu glared at her.

“He doesn’t know that,” she smirked, eyes sparkling mischievously. “I never say names, my darling Yuu.”

“I never agreed to you calling me that.”

“I don’t care.” She swanned up to the counter, propping herself up on her hands and tiptoes. Yuu scowled as she smeared her hands all over the area he’d literally just wiped clean. “Now gimme free coffee.”

“Fuck off. Employee discount only and even then I’m debating making you pay full price.”

“You’re so mean,” she pouted. “And when I’m buying for my friend as well. I think you’d like him, as much as a big meanie like you can like anyone.”

“I like people, I’m not Kimizuki,” he rolled his eyes. “Who’s your damn friend?”

“Oh, you might know him.” Her evil grin came back full-force, making her look downright demented. “Why don’t we see if you can guess from his order?”

“Do you know how many customers we have?” Yuu snapped a tea towel at her hands. “Hands off the counter, you’re probably infested with something.”

“Boo you.” She huffed and raised her hands, twiddling her fingers as she did. “Anyway, I want a multi-mega mocha milkshake with extra sprinkles and four shots of coffee. Oh! And whipped cream. Lots of it.”

“You’re going to die from a caffeine overdose and I will film it.” He wiped the counter down again out of spite.

“Maybe so, but at least I’ll die not hopelessly pining for some boy who takes, oh, what was it now?” She tapped her chin, looking deep in thought. He didn’t buy it for a second, especially not when she turned a vicious smile onto him. “Oh, right, skinny vanilla latte. Large.”

He wondered what the hell kind of expression he made that had her cackling like the wicked witch she was. “You gotta be joking.”

“Nope, and remember, on the cup for that one, my friend’s name is Mik-ae-la~” She sounded out the name, taking too much joy in it. “And make it fast, sweetcheeks, he’s going to be here soon.”

“I hate you with every blood cell in my body.”

“Make sure to put one of your cute little pick-up lines on that now,” she winked. “I’ve been reading them whenever I take out the trash. You’re so desperate it’s cute. Now shoo shoo, make me coffee, coffee man.” She flicked a hand at him, revelling in the power that a customer had. Shit like this was why she was banned from interacting with the general public at work.

“Sure thing. I’ll bring your drinks out to you,” he forced out through a smile, teeth grinding together as he gritted them. His eye may have twitched. He wasn’t sure.

She twirled around and skipped to her seat, spinning her favourite little trinket in her hand and making the green and orange lights on it flare up like she was at a rave. He tried to stare a hole through the back of her head before he set about making her the drinks she ordered.

Mika. Mika was friends with Shinoa. It was a testament to how in love he was with that guy that knowing Mika willingly hung out with Shinoa did not become an immediate turn off. He liked her too, sure, for whatever was left of his sanity’s sake, but she was still a pain.

He heard the little bell above the door jingle and glanced up, his heart skipping a beat when he saw Mika waving at him. “Hey Yuu,” Mika grinned, sounding way too proud of himself.

“Hey Mika,” he smiled back, unable to stop himself from getting all soppy at the edges. “Skinny vanilla?”

“You bet,” he winked at Yuu and sauntered off to sit with Shinoa, the two of them immediately starting up some sort of gossipy conversation judging by the hand motions and expressions.

He looked down at the drinks he was plating up, took a deep breath, and furiously scribbled a puntastic pick-up line and his number on the napkin under Mika’s coffee. This was it. He was going to do it.

“I am not a coward,” he muttered to himself, picking up the tray and carrying it over. “That was a multi-mega mocha milkshake with quadruple shots, extra whip, and sprinkles, and a large skinny vanilla latte?”

“She’s having the deathshake.” Mika pointed at Shinoa, who fluttered her eyelashes at him.

“No problem.” Yuu set the drinks down, trying to ignore how he could hear his heartbeat thundering in his eardrums like the bass beat of a good metal concert, keeping on a smile that was at this point reserved only for Mika. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Will do,” Mika reached for a packet of sugar and dumped it into his coffee, picking up his spoon before his hand froze, sapphire eyes tracing over the wickerscratch handwriting on the napkin.

Are you an espresso? Because you’re a shot to my heart. Call me?

Mika blinked up at him, Yuu frozen in place with the sort of calm that only came from blasting beyond panic and landing in the cool grey apathy of total nerve-ridden shutdown.

Shinoa snorted, the sound snapping Yuu out of his quiet reverie. “Uh- I mean, unless you want to kinda- not to be a creep or anything, but we could-” he paused when Mika put a finger over his lips.

Mika’s smile was soft as silk. “I like movies?”

“Movies. Right. I’m off at eight?” No way no way no way-

“Eight sounds great,” Mika’s grin became a bit toothier. “I’ll meet you out front?”

“It’s a date?” Yuu smiled hopefully.

Mika grabbed the front of his apron and kissed his cheek. “You bet it is.”

“Great!” He gave him a thumbs up, practically floating back towards the counter with a sunshine smile all his own.

He heard Kimizuki scoff from the overpass at him. “What coffee shop fanfiction bullshit is this?”

Yuu ignored him, too happy to even care. Best workshift ever.

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #mikaela hyakuya #yuichiro hyakuya #mikayuu #yuumika #yuumikayuu #fyrecrackeruwu #my writings #commission

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11thstreetgirl · 5 years ago

Text

Summary: Adopting a child with Sami (Sami x reader)

Requested? Yesss by anon, thank you!!

AN: So anon requested Sami x male reader but this turned out gender neutral, hope that’ll do as well :) This turned out a lot longer than I expected and a bit weird idk... But I wanted to make it as realistic as possible, and yet it’s nowhere near realistic. Oh well. I wanted to get this out today because today 20.4.2020 the first same-sex adoptions were confirmed here in Finland!! Hooray!

The moment was so clear in my memory.

All the looks, all the glares at us. It felt like the whole office had stopped just to stare at us. They thought they were being discreet but I could feel their eyes on us, and I knew Sami felt them too.

Those two? What are they doing here? Are they serious?

Sami just held my hand tighter and I tried my best to keep my head up high.

It felt so unreal. Coming here, together. Proudly a couple. As we walked I tried to imagine what it would feel like, to go through this all. To go through the files, maybe the pictures... would we just know? Would we have to pick blindly? What if we somehow were wrong? What if we would somehow feel unattached? I hoped there would be enough support along the way. This was just the beginning. I was lost in thought as Sami led us to the front desk.

- Hi! We had an appointment with this social worker, Sami faked a cheerful, nonchalant voice as he slid a paper with a name on it to the person sitting behind a glass. The grumpy looking older woman looked up from her computer and immediately frowned. Then just as fast a customer-service-smile appeared on her face.

- Oh. Oh yes. Umm… Hold on a second. She took a phone from her desk and called someone. I felt more and more nervous by the second and the looks she kept giving us weren’t helping. My palms were sweaty and I clinged to Sami’s hand like my life depended on it. He looked calm but I knew he felt just as nervous. I tried to concentrate on him, not on the looks that still followed us, not on the antiseptic smell that was typical to all semi-public spaces like this, not on my hammering heart. Sami gave me a small smile and a tiny nod.

- Hello! You must be the couple applying to adopt? A cheerful, warm voice said behind us. I nodded.

- Follow me please!

They led us into a spacey office with a desk in the middle of it, shelves full of books, folders and photographs of happy families and a couple of big plants sitting in the corners.

- Please do sit.

I almost wanted to plant my ass on Sami’s lap just to be closer to him. He read my thoughts and hauled his chair a little closer to mine. I mouthed him a silent thank you and he smiled, nervousness shining through. The social worked smiled at us and flipped over some papers on the file.

- Let’s not keep you waiting any longer! they said but still the small pause felt like minutes.

- We’ve gone through your application for adoption and we see no reason why you wouldn’t be suitable to become parents! You’re married and have stable enough income, although one of you has a somewhat untraditional job. But the council didn’t see that as an obstacle. So what we’re going to do now is that…

Whatever the person behind the desk was saying didn’t reach my brain. All that stuck with me was the information that we were going to have a child. I couldn’t stop the hot tears of joy and relief rolling down my cheeks. Sami held my hand so tight his knuckles were turning white and I knew he was holding back tears too. When he saw me crying it was useless. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, scream and shout out my happiness but this was not the place for it.

The social worker working on our case gave us the warmest, reassuring smile.

- Take your time. I know this is huge news, and happy too. You don’t have to hide your tears here; frankly, I’d be worried if this wasn’t your reaction.

Bless their heart. After all the prejudice and outdated attitudes we’d been through as a couple this was the most welcome smile. I buried my face in Sami’s neck and he kissed the top of my head. There was no one else in the world I’d want to do this with.

We were going to have a child.

Then the waiting began. The endless waiting. Sami wanted to buy a crib. He wanted to buy all the stuff, he even found a tiny plastic toy bass guitar somewhere. I was sure he’d be more excited about it than the kid but he was the cutest thing when he was excited. My God how I loved him. I couldn’t wait for the child to arrive and complete our family.

We realised we needed a bigger apartment to fit all the baby stuff in, so we searched for a new place to live. Nothing expensive, just an extra room. Soon we packed our stuff, all the vinyls and clothes and instruments and moved.

By the time we had settled in I was feeling so happy. This was our home, me and Sami’s and our kid’s. Our kid’s.Then I realised it had only been six months and no one knew how much more to come.

The tour bus kept rolling.

Summer morning tried to find it's way into our bedroom through the blinds, leaving stripes all over. Yellow light made time move slowly, even when we were both still breathing heavy. Sami reached for his cigarettes on the bedside table, sheets clinging to his sweaty skin as he moved. I didn’t like how he smoked in the bedroom but I was feeling way too hazy to mention about it. I felt exactly like the sunlight looked. Warm, bright, satisfied, happy. Sami moved closer to me and light his smoke. His face looked just as happy as I felt. Things were just like I always wanted them to be. Finally. I never knew I could feel such happiness.

I rolled partly on top of Sami and took as strand of his hair between my fingers. He took a drag from his smoke and blew it away from my face. The smell was somewhat homely, especially mixed together with how our naked bodies felt against each other. I twirled his hair around my finger, then took his earring between my fingers, playing with it for a while. There was no need for words. Sami stared at me, his blue eyes not even blinking. He took another drag from the cigarette and this time exhaled the smoke against my face.

- Let's have a baby.

I almost choked on the smoke and I was sure I didn’t hear right.

- What?!

- I said let's have a baby, Sami repeated, now the most blissful smile growing on his face. I stared at him in disbelief.

- I'm not exactly sure how that would work, you know... I didn’t know what to say. I dindt even know what to think. My mind was a blank.

- Adoption does exist darling, he smirked. I just stared at him and watched as his smile slowly faded away. Was he being serious?

I sat up on the bed. Sami put out his cigarette and sat next to me. He studied my face without a sound and I stared at the sunlight-striped floor.

- Darling… he reached to stroke my hair but I flinched away from his touch.

- I… I need to take a shower.

I stoop up and hurried into the bathroom. I turned on the water and as it was heating up I stared myself in the mirror. Me? A parent? With Sami? I imagined a tiny human being, a mix of the two of us running around. Curly dark hair and my eyes… Of course it wouldn’t be like that, it wasn’t possible, but nonetheless it made a warm feeling rise around my heart. I had always dreamed of a kid but pushed the dream aside because, well… circumstances.

I stepped under the hot water. I didn’t realize I was tensing my shoulders until I felt them relax under the running water. I leaned against the wall. Me a parent… I heard Sami open the bathroom door. I opened my eyes and he was standing there, hiding behind his hair.

- Can I come in?

I nodded and moved so he’d fit under the running water too, partly at least. He stood there for a while, then spoke again.

- Can I wash your back? Without waiting for an answer he took a sponge, lathered it with fruity-smelling soap and gently turned me so that my back was towards him. His tough felt nice and safe when verbally I knew we were heading into the deep waters. He scrubbed me gently, more a caress than actual wash. After a while he set the sponge aside and pulled me tightly against him.

- I was being serious you know, he whispered as he nuzzled his face against the back of my neck.

- I want to have a kid to raise with you.

His words accompanied with his loving touch made a blissfully happy rush run through me. He sounded so sure. So wary but so sure. I basked in his affection, this moment, the warm steam surrounding us.

-You've told me how much you want a child, so let's have one! He continued.

Finally I turned around. I raised my arm around his neck and blinked at his wary expression before smiling the happiest smile. It was contagious as slowly Sami’s face lit up like a thousand stars. I just nodded. He looked so overjoyed he might just explode so before he’d burst I crashed my lips on his. It was hard to kiss when we were both smiling so wide, our teeth just kept clattering together.

- Yes. Let’s have a child, I whispered against his skin.

I stared at the teddy bear. Sami’s bandmates gave it to us when they heard the news. Michael had immediately volunteered to become the kid’s godfather and started to ramble about how he’d teach them to play harmonica, and the others were imagining the kid running around at the rehearsal studio, with a happy gleam in their eyes. Now the teddy was sitting on the bottom shelf, a few vinyls leaned on it and somehow it looked sad. Abandoned even. I sat down on the floor. I wanted to speak to it, whisper how I knew exactly how it was feeling. Lost, forgotten. We were both waiting for the same person to arrive.

Sami’s footsteps slowed down and stopped behind me.

- Whatcha thinking about?

I sighed.

- I can’t take this any more.

Sami sat next to me. I didn’t want to look at him because I knew he looked just as lost as I did. Gently he put his arm around me and took the teddy bear in his other hand.

- I know this is hard. This waiting is sucking the energy and joy out of me too. But just imagine the moment when we finally get to meet him! Sami’s voice was shaky and quiet. He gave the teddy a little kiss and pushed in into my face like it was giving kisses to me, accompanied with all the mwah-sounds. Scrunching up my shoulders to guard my neck from the tickling touch I laughed, a strained sound. Sami dropped the toy and took my face between his hands.

- We got this. We’ve got each other and soon enough our little kid and then all this exhausting waiting is nothing but a memory.

I smiled a little and leaned into his touch. Exhausted was the best word to express how I was feeling. I knew there was nothing more worth the wait than this but still.

- I know. I just want him to be here already. Sometimes I feel like they have forgotten us entirely. Or maybe they don’t want to give us a child...

- Hey. We’re gonna give the kid an amazing, loving home. Fuck their prejudice. Fuck everyone who thinks otherwise. This just takes time.

Sami pulled me into a hug. I felt his breathing get shaky.

- I love you. And I already love the kid more than anything. We’re gonna be wonderful parents you hear me.

I couldn’t get a word out of my mouth. I was so grateful for this man, he knew exactly how to calm me and reassure me. And I knew how to calm him and to reassure him even when he didn’t say anything. Yes. We got this.

And it all had let us here. This was the moment. All the tiring waiting and uncertainty was over. I had no idea how we managed to stand it for years it took to get here but now it was over. I’d never seen Sami dressed so neatly, not even on the day we got married. I thought he was a little overdressed to say the least, but he insisted putting on the best clothes he had. If it helped him to control his nerves I’d gladly allowed him to.

We were both nervous wrecks but now sure as hell was not the time to show it. I squeezed Sami’s hand so hard I was afraid I’d break his bones. We were going to meet our child. We were going to get to hold him in our arms and take him home with us.

A young woman stepped into the room. I noticed I was holding my breath. She was holding a tiny hand and whoever it belonged to was hiding behind her. They stopped near the door, the woman reaching behind her to gently push the being to show himself. Slowly a small child waddled shyly from behind her. He observed the scene carefully before each step. He could barely walk and had a green pacifier in his mouth. He had ginger hair and grey eyes and he was the sweetest thing I had ever seen.

Sami let out a shaky sigh and it made tears I didn’t know I was holding back start to roll down my cheeks. I stared at the boy and then Sami. He was crying too but I had never seen a happier expression on his face. The room was so full of emotion I was afraid I’d suffocate. Moment by moment everything around us got blurred, I no longer registered the other people in the room. Just me, Sami and our child.

Sami sat on the floor, not caring about the tears streaming down on his face.

- Hi… hi baby… I’m your new father… he whispered more to himself than the kid. Our kid. Our little son. I sat next to Sami and tried to collect myself. Suddenly everything was so clear. There was no way I wouldn’t love this creature with all I had. No question about hesitating or not knowing. I already loved him and I knew Sami did too. I moved my eyes from the kid just to stare at Sami for a moment. His eyes were already red and swollen but the smile on his face was the widest, happiest smile I had ever seen. His hair was sticking to his wet cheeks. I reached to move some of it behind his ear so it wouldn’t get in his eyes. Sami turned his face towards me and smiled even wider which I thought was impossible. I had never seen so much love in his blue eyes, his face mirrored perfectly how I felt. Like it was all clear, that we were finally whole. I leaned in for a quick kiss. Then I had to look at our sweet little angel again. He was still staring at us a bit warily, now chewing on his thumb, the pacifier hanging from a clip on his shirt. He took another cautious step towards us and I wanted to squeal from happiness.

The young social worker who had brought him in and now observing the situation lifted him a little closer to us. He almost fell over and turned back to the more familiar human behind him, but she couraged him to come to us. He took a few more steps so he was within our touch. All I wanted was to scoop him in my arms and kiss and hug him but I knew it was better to let him come to us. We will have all the time in the world for cuddles.

Sami was careful not to make sudden movements to not to scare him. He held out his hand towards him for a moment, then stroked his arm. Encouraged by the touch he wobbled closer and leaned on Sami’s knee. He observed us with his wide eyes, now more curiously than warily. We love so much, you’re safe with us, I tried to signal to him. I didn’t trust my voice just yet.

- Hello little mister. I suppose we’re family now. Oh yes, yes we are, that’s right, Sami cooed, the boy’s smiles fueling him.

- Daddy loves you so much, we both do! We can’t wait to get to know you sweetie, I think you’ll like us as much as we like you! Sami brushed his cheek gently with his fingers and he babbled like he wanted to answer him. My heart was beyond melting point now, watching them interact. I finally reached my hand to stroke the boy’s hair. So so soft.

- Would you mind if I took you to sit here on my lap? Sami continued and slowly lifted him onto his lap. He just babbled more and smiled, showing his first tiny teeth. Sitting there he got a little fuzzy. He grabbed a strand of Sami’s hair into his tiny fist and pulled. Sami yelped and then laughed, and, praise the sweet gods, the child chuckled. It was the most heart-warming thing I had ever heard. I leaned closer and finally whispered my hello’s to him. He just smiled back, not scared at all. I felt like I was floating, like this was a dream and I could hear the angels sing. It was all I had ever wanted and more. Sami grounded me by kissing my cheek and threw his child-free arm around me. He pulled us both close to him.

- This is us now, Sami whispered so that just the three of us could hear. This is us.

// taglist: @thespacecowboyyy @holyjunkie

#fanfiction #sami yaffa #hanoi rocks

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smileyoongle · 5 years ago

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Deception (A Kim Namjoon Mafia AU)

Summary: A damsel in distress and a lonely mafia leader. Different but not too different. The two worlds collide on a rainy night when Kim Namjoon, a renowned Mafia leader is called for an emergency and Y/N Y/L/N is on the run from her abusive father. Feelings stir and he rescues her. But one of them is a liar. And the other's life is on the line. It's only a matter of time until all secrets are out in the open.

Will love be born? Or will death conquer?

chαptєr šε∀εη: Life is a B*tch

Character Count: 14,077

Pairing: Namjoon×Reader (Appearances by the whole of BTS)

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We suffer more in imagination than in reality.

-Seneca

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It is said that time heals all wounds. Maybe this statement was applicable in many situations. Maybe time did heal shallow wounds. But yours were too deep for anyone to heal. And life seemed to hate you since you were constantly being pushed back into your whole past ordeal.

The rain poured down heavily, pelting against the windows of Namjoon's house. It had been a week since you got a job. A job that Namjoon didn't know of. You couldn't deny the fact that you felt terrified when you worked there. The hungry and drunk gazes of all the men made you feel like you were back at your own house, waiting for your father to punish you for the day.

Although, your father had never touched you inappropriately, he had definitely tried to sell you for your body. That was the most disgusting memory you had and it made you question if life was this unfair to everyone. Looking at Namjoon, you had found your answer.

Life hated you.

You switched off the TV and headed towards your room, concluding that you needed a nap to get rid of the headache you had. It was your day off so you didn't have to worry about going to work without letting Namjoon tag along. He had been persistent, always offering to pick you up or drop you off.

"Your shift is too late into the night. It's not safe."

He'd say. But you couldn't tell him. He couldn't know that your desperation to earn money like a normal person had led you to get a job as a waitress at a club.

"I'll be in my room, Walter. Wake me up when dinner's ready or I'll end up sleeping until tomorrow." You said politely, earning a toothy grin from the old man who resided in this house since before you. He nodded at you and you waved him a goodbye, making your way upstairs.

As soon as you steeped foot in the dark hallway, a shiver ran down your spine. It was very dark, apart from the occasional flashes of lightning that lightened up the corridor. Times like these made you miss Namjoon. Lately, he had been going out frequently in the evenings. He would always tell you it was work stuff but you never asked. It was none of your business.

You motivated yourself and started to walk towards the end of the hallway, the faint noise coming from Namjoon's study making you halt your steps. You frowned and craned your neck towards his study, eyes widening a little on seeing the light coming from beneath the door.

There was definitely someone in there.

You took in a shaky breath, your heart pounding at the realisation that you had to go and check. Whoever it was, they were probably looking for something important to Namjoon. And you knew that everything in that room was important to Namjoon since he never let anyone in. Why you were an exception was beyond you. But then again, you were harmless.

Your hand reached out to twist the doorknob and push the door open, your throat running dry all of a sudden. Adrenaline rushed through you when you saw the window open, the harsh cold wind fanning your face as goosebumps rose on your skin. You looked around the room, sighing in relief on seeing it empty. There was no one. You were probably going crazy.

Namjoon must have left the window open or something.

Does he ever do that?

You willed the doubtful thoughts away and proceeded to close the window. But as soon as you latched it shut, your eyes widened. The glass on the window was enough to show you that your mind wasn't playing tricks on you. Someone was in the room with you.

Your lips quivered, your legs feeling weaker with every passing second. The man had a black mask on, only his eyes exposed for you to see. Your eyes caught the silver dagger in his hand as he moved to close the door of the study. You let out a whimper before slowly turning around, sweat beading on your forehead.

The man placed a finger on his lips, indicating you to be quiet. He took a step towards you, clutching the knife tightly and raising it towards you.

And just like that, you were taken back in time.

The intruder's face was now replaced by your father's, his malicious grin sending you sobbing onto the floor. Your chest tightened and you found yourself tied up in chains.

"No one would care if I killed you. You are useless, Y/N, never forget that." He spat, your vision becoming hazier and hazier.

No, you couldn't do this now. You closed your eyes and took deep breaths, telling yourself that this wasn't true. He wasn't here. He would never be here.

You gasped and opened your eyes only to find the carpeted floor of Namjoon's study beneath your knees. You saw the intruder's feet in front of you and looked up, your chest heaving on thinking about what was to come.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

Namjoon eyed the new addition to their gang as he sat beside Yoongi in the front of the car. After a long day of negotiations, he was finally going home to you.

"So do I get to be in charge of something yet?" Asked Rex, the newbie of the group who Namjoon didn't know where to put. According to Jin, Rex was really smart, he had good weapon knowledge along with hacking skills. Jin said it'd be better if Rex got to watch how things were done by the guys themselves. Until then, Namjoon could make a decision about which part of the city Rex was fit for.

He was a curious one, Namjoon could tell. And he had a smart mouth which could definitely get him in trouble someday. Taehyung scoffed, rolling his eyes and focusing on the wet roads outside.

"Not so soon, kid. You have a long way to go until you get there." Hoseok answered, fiddling with his rings and listening to the soothing sound of the rain.

Namjoon's eyes lit up when he saw his house in the distance and Yoongi noticed it. He had never seen Namjoon so excited to go home before. But he knew things were different now.

The car came to a stop near Namjoon's gate, the gravel crunching beneath Namjoon's shoes as he got out of the car. He was about to say something to the members before he heard it. A loud and piercing screen echoing in the dark and stormy night. Namjoon's heart most definitely stopped, his eyes widening as he glanced at Yoongi before running inside his house. The remaining people rushed out of the car to follow Namjoon, concerned about whoever had screamed so loud.

Namjoon had heard it loud and clear. It was your voice, begging for help. He felt uneasiness wash over him as he saw Walter running up the stairs, his own footsteps faltering on the wooden platforms.

"Please be okay." Namjoon mumbled again and again under his breath as he entered his study, his eyes frantically looking around for you. Your whimpers reached his ears and he saw you crouched in the corner of the room, your hands holding your head as you cried into your knees.

"Y/N!" Namjoon called out, kneeling beside you and placing his hands on your shoulder. You flinched before jolting your head up to see Namjoon.

Your eyes were red from crying, tears endlessly falling down your cheeks along with a trickle of blood from the small laceration on your forehead. Your lips quivered as you threw your arms around Namjoon, burying your face in his neck.

Yoongi stormed inside a few seconds later, followed by the others. He glanced at you and Namjoon at the corner of the room before speeding towards the open window. He peeked down just in time to see a man running away towards the forest opposite Namjoon's house. Yoongi looked behind him, his eyes landing on Rex.

"Rex, someone's down there. Go!" He barked, watching as the younger male nodded and ran away.

Namjoon's arms held you firmly, rubbing your back as he tried to comfort you. "I got you, love, I got you. You're okay." He cooed, rocking you back and forth. He buried his nose in your hair, breathing you in and thanking the heavens that you weren't hurt that bad. He threw a piercing glare at Walter who stood at the door, still too shocked to move.

Namjoon was aware of the fact that now his secret was out in the open.

Taehyung and Hoseok gaped at their leader who was trying to comfort a crying girl. An unknown crying girl. They were surprised on seeing Yoongi so....normal. It's like he already knew who you were. There was no questioning look on Yoongi's face, just a knowing gaze that made Hoseok suspicious. Something was not right.

Namjoon glanced at Yoongi, sending him a silent message as Yoongi nodded in response. The elder one turned to Taehyung and Hoseok, nodding towards outside the study.

"Let Namjoon handle this. I'll...explain everything." Yoongi stated, not even glancing at the two men as he made his way down the stairs. After one last look at you, Taehyung and Hoseok followed suit, curious as to what Yoongi could possibly explain about this situation.

Walter reluctantly closed the door of the study, leaving you with Namjoon in order to self loathe. But there was only so much he could do.

Your breathing slowly fell back to normal, your occasional sniffles filling the room as Namjoon continued to hold you. He had never thought that someone could get into his house so easily. It had just never happened before.

"I am sorry." You mumbled, making Namjoon shift a little to get you to see his face. He frowned, wiping your tears away.

"What for?" He asked, tucking your hair behind your ear. In the past week, you had grown much closer to Namjoon. Your time together had enabled you to know about his likes and dislikes. Like how he doesn't like black coffee, how his favourite music artist is 'The Neighbourhood', how he hates mint chocolate chip ice cream and how he absolutely dislikes seafood.

You opened your mouth to get the words out but they were stuck. Namjoon noticed your hesitation, raising his eyebrows to urge you to say it.

"For ruining your jacket." You replied, running your fingers over his leather jacket which was now wet. He chuckled in response, placing a finger under your chin and pushing your head up to look you in the eyes. His warm breath fanned your face, the proximity making you blush. Not that he could really see you, it was still a little dim in the room. His eyes fell to your lips, debating whether he should take the risk or wait until you showed him that you wanted him too. You bit your lip out of nervousness, your heart pounding in your ears. All you knew was that if Namjoon kissed you right now, you wouldn't complain. Everything about him seemed to pull you in, never wanting to be away from him. You couldn't tell what it was but you definitely adored this man.

"We should clean that up." Namjoon murmured, abruptly pulling away from you. He had decided to go with the second option, not wanting to make you uncomfortable in any way. You cleared your throat and nodded, ignoring the slight aching in your heart.

You are just a charity case. Stop dreaming.

Namjoon stood up, his hands holding onto your shoulder as he helped you up to sit on the chair.

Taking the first aid kit from one of the cabinets in the bathroom, Namjoon headed back to you and sat in front of you. He tended to your bleeding cut while you got lost in your own thoughts, your father's murderous face flashing in your mind and reminding you of your misery.

Life hated you.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

Rex panted, water seeping into the carpet from his drenched body as he made his way to Yoongi who was looking at him with expectant eyes. Rex shook his head in response.

"And you wanted to be in charge of something?" Taehyung mocked, his mind irritated with all the information he was just fed.

Rex narrowed his eyes in response, holding out his hand to reveal a black leather cover. Yoongi frowned and took it from him, wiping the small booklet with the sleeve of his shirt.

"What is it?" Hoseok asked, peering over Yoongi's shoulder to see what blaze had got his hands on. Flipping the leather case open, Taehyung frowned when he saw Yoongi and Hoseok's face turn pale. Rex looked over at everyone with concerned eyes, his mind going back to the girl he had seen upstairs. You.

"I ended up ripping off his pocket. This is what I got. And I think this is the first time I regret finding something important." Rex stated, his hands placed on his hips as he patiently waited for a reaction from everyone.

Taehyung grew impatient, snatching the case out of Yoongi's hand and seeing it for himself. The second he read what was written on the cover, he wished he hadn't. Rex was right. Taehyung slowly looked up at his brothers, fear and confusion lacing his features.

The Korean National Police Agency

Yoongi shook his head and clenched his jaw in frustration. Only if they had arrived a minute earlier, this could have been prevented. But now, they had no idea what the guy was here for.

"Who's ID is that?" Yoongi asked, nudging his head towards the badge in Taehyung's hand.

"Someone called Nelson Shaw." Taehyung answered, looking at the small photo that was displayed above the officer's name.

"Let's get our contacts at the department to find out if this Shaw guy is involved in some investigation related to us." Yoongi said, glancing up the stairs. Hoseok felt confused about everything.

First, there's a strange girl living at Namjoon's house who he picked up from the middle of the road. And she happens to be their drug dealer's daughter. Second, Hana seemingly lied to everyone about where she was all these years. Third, the police had probably gotten a lead on the gang, which meant bad news.

"We should ask Namjoon if anything's missing." Hoseok voiced, earning a nod from everyone. Yoongi hummed, standing up and patting Rex's shoulder. He winced a little at how wet he was but quickly covered it up. He was the one who sent the poor guy running.

"We will. Just...not now. Leave them be. We'll talk tomorrow. She must be shaken up about everything." Yoongi announced, heading outside Namjoon's house. Taehyung couldn't help but agree. Even though he had questions about you, he decided that it was best to listen to Yoongi. Something nagged at him at the back of his mind but he shrugged it off. Namjoon knew people. If you were here, then there must have been something special about you. And the way Namjoon held you, Taehyung could tell that your relationship was much deeper. Maybe he'd understand someday.

Taglist:@uwunamjoon @shadowstark @all-fandoms-rise @tzuyyyuuu @stressedinmedschool247 @ifellinluvwithdorks @min-t-posts @floofwrites @pretty-in-pink-just-because @bts-d-onut @fangirllbookworm @mystical-writer @it-is-dana @ximaginx @kpopgirlbtssvt @pearylove @anothermisspark @annoyingpessimist @motivation-idontknowher @atwoodscott @soundofwonderland @btsarmysvtcarat @i-am-supermerwholoked221b @bunnymaknaereacts @iamcrazyforkdramas

Please please please let me know if I forgot to tag someone. And tell me if you wanna be tagged! And tell me what you think. Okay bye ily 💖

-XX

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hyunjilicious · 6 years ago

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Coffee Shop AU/College experience - Shawn Mendes

A/n: I love this with all my heart and i trully hope you will too!

Summary: Y/n works at a coffee shop and one day her boss asks her for help with hiring a musician. Shawn shows up at the auditions and this is their story. Shawn’s a gentleman and this story contains FLUFF and SMUT and 0 angst because everyone is happy!

Word count: +12k (this killed me so please don’t let it be for nothing)

I love you, i hope you like this and if you do please don’t hesitate to tell me!

"(Y/n)?" your boss called after you, "Come here for a second" "Uh-" you mumbled, thinking what to do first, "Just a second" You gathered the slices of pie you just cut and the two cups of coffee you just filled, put them on a tray, rushed to drop them off at the table that ordered them, and then made your way into your boss's so called office. "Uh, yeah?" you said walking in and sitting down on the small couch opposite his desk. "I decided to finally hire someone to play in here" he said, shuffling through a mountain of documents on his desk, "A few people have applied for the post and they're coming in tomorrow morning. I was thinking maybe you could help me out. Like give me a second opinion?" "Oh, sure! Finally, can't wait" you rushed to say. James started this business less than three months ago, and that was his original idea, but until now, money didn't allow him to go forward with his plan. You were all like a family there, so you knew very well how much he waited for this moment, so the simple fact that he chose you out of everyone to help him with something like this, made you slightly nervous. "Can you be here at 8?" he asked "Sure" "You're still on for the afternoon shift, though" "Yeah, of course, no problem" you agreed and after he went on to tell you about the plans he had for the coffee shop you returned to your post. The rest of the day went by pretty fast, and before you knew it, it was morning, and you and James were ready to meet the first person that applied for the job. Nothing could have prepared you for the multitude of personalities you were going to be faced with, almost none of them failing to leave you speechless, and not in the good way.

"Hi man" the first person said, "I'm Carl, when can i start?" "Hi, Carl" your boss greeted, "Just let us hear you first and if we decide you're for fit for the job we'll call you back, and you could probably start next week" Carl's eyes went wide in disappointment, and he looked at you, probably hoping you would step in. His appearance threw you off a bit, black leather from head to toe, pitch black eye shadow around his eyes and tattoos all over his neck, so the only thing you managed to do was send him a slightly reassuring smile as you motioned for him to sit down and start playing. Despite the fact that no one knew, you could sing, very well actually, so it wasn't hard for you to tell that Carl didn't hit any of the notes. His guitar was out of tune and his lyrics were beyond offensive, so you and James didn't waste a second before telling him he wasn't what you were looking for. The next person was a 50-something year old woman, that brought along a tambourine and proceeded to harmonise with her cat. Needless to say, she wasn't hired either. The next few people that entered the shop did relatively well, and you wrote down their names on a piece of paper. "The last ones were fairly good" you confessed as you waited to see whether someone else was going to show up, "But im not a fan of any of them" "Yeah, me neither" James sighed rubbing his palms along his face, "I might need to postpone this, I wanna be satisfied with the person we hire" "Yeah well" you said, trying to lift his mood, "we still have 30 minutes left, who knows what rockstar is gonna walk through that door?" "I don't want a rock start though, I dont need anyone to scare my customers away" he joked "We'll see" you laughed, and before you managed to continue with his joke, the door opened, as probably what was the last applicant walked in. You've never been good at reading people, but this boy yelled talent and charisma. Well, soon to be discovered charisma, as his cheeks were on fire while he struggled to keep his breathing regulated. "Hi, hello" he mumbled shyly, tugging at the roots of his curls at the back of his head, "I'm here to apply for the-" "Sure! Yes" James beamed, gesturing for the new boy to sit down on his designated chair. You couldn't help but smile broadly as you made eye contact with the stranger and considering how bad his hands were shaking around his guitar case, you decided to look away, in order to not make him even more nervous than he already was, "What's your name?" you asked kindly after you introduced yourself. "I'm Shawn, Mendes, nice to meet you" he mumbled, setting his guitar into his lap, and waited to see if you we're going to ask anything else. Normally, James would've asked about experience and stuff like that, but considering how Shawn was already sweating buckets in front of you, he decided against it, and urged the boy to just start playing. "Yeah, ok" Shawn whispered to himself as he wiped his palms against his jean covered thighs. A few seconds later, he started playing, and even though he probably wasn't the biggest talent you have ever seen, he was something else. He was way too good for this position, way too involved in the song that you later found out he actually wrote himself, way too genuine for this kind of gig, but neither you, nor James took that into consideration when you offered him the job on the spot. "Are you serious?" he asked shocked "Don't be so surprised" your boss chuckled, "You're really good" "Yeah, that song?" you laughed, all of a sudden completely mesmerized by this boy and his small performance, "Is this what you do? I mean you obviously know some stuff" "Um- well yeah, I'm focusing on music, that's what I want to do. Gotta start somewhere right?" he chuckled sweetly, starting to regain his composure. "Well Shawn" your boss said standing up to shake his hand, "I'm glad you're starting with us" "Thank you so, so much" he exclaimed, before moving to shake your hand too. The coffee shop was supposed to undergo a few minor changes here and there in order to set up a small stage-like area, and since it was a few days until it would all be ready, your boss decided Shawn should start on Monday, this way allowing a 4 day time period for the renovation process. "Turn the sign around on your way out" your boss joked as Shawn was about to leave, "You're one of us now" With a small chuckle, he waved you two goodbye and proudly spun the little "Open/Closed" sign before making his way out the door. "I'm so glad we found this guy" James sighed, turning on the machines as the customers were going flood in any second. "I know, right?" you laughed, picking up your bag, "See you in 4 hours" "Bye, (Y/n)" your boss yelled as he made his way into his back office, "Thanks again" For the next days, until Shawn was supposed to begin, you found yourself feeling like you were in high school all over again. You remembered what it was like to wait days for your geography class in order to see that ginger guy you were so scared to talk to, and you couldn't help but feel like this was exactly the same. There were supposed to be 3 hours of live music a week, one hour a day, on Mondays, Tuesdays and Sundays. You were thankful for the fact that your boss knew nothing about music and allowed Shawn to perform anything he wanted, as even if you had only heard one song, you could tell you were going to love the others as well. Saturday night, as you were going through your Instagram feed, a message from an unknown number popped up at the top of your screen. "Hey (Y/n), it's Shawn, I'm sorry I'm texting you like this, but I was hoping maybe I could send you a recording of the songs I chose for Monday and maybe you could tell me if they're ok. I don't want to let James down, and I'm thinking since you work there maybe you can help me. I totally get it if you don't have time or anything, so don't be afraid to tell me off and I'm sorry I'm putting this on you" As you read the text, your heart grew a bit. You read it again, and again, smiling more every time, and your palms got sweatier by the second as you tried to think of a response. "Hahah, hi Shawn, of course, send them to me!" "This means a lot, thank you, listen to them when you can, just you know, before Monday" A few seconds later, you received three attachments: "There's nothing holding me back", "She'll be the one", "Youth" You played them in that order, and the rollercoaster of emotions this boy sent you through was not something you anticipated. Your heart raced with unexplained jealousy as his deep and slightly raspy voice sang through your speakers, about a love so beautiful you could only see materialise in a book. The first song, its riff, the bridge, the lyrics, made you imagine what it would be like to have a song like that written about you. When the second one started, before you got a chance to analyse the words, you had built up a whole story inside your head, about how he's found a girl that would be his' in every sense of the word, only to have your world come crushing down as his voice reached your ears. You were not the kind to get easily impressed but goose bumps and tears started to mock you as the recording played on. The last song was exactly what you didn't need to hear. So beautifully constructed, and so perfectly played, you seriously found yourself speechless as you realised you had to give him your opinion. "These... these are incredible, wow" "They're good? Thank god" "They're good!? I hope you're just modest and actually realise what you have here" you typed out. "Stop lol" "Ok, so you know! Good!" "You'd tell me if they sucked, right?" "The vocals are honest, the guitar is catchy, well yeah they're no Bohemian Rhapsody but they're just so so good, I swear" "Thank you for tickling my ego, (Y/n)" "Any time, as long as you won't have anyone bawling their eyes out at that second song of yours, I think you're ok" "(Y/N)!! I'll change it" "I never said you should change it" As you waited for him to answer, bubbles kept appearing and disappearing, he kept typing and then erasing, he was nervous and it was basically your fault. "Just give me half an hour" he eventually said. "No! Don't change anything, keep the song, damn it!" After you replied, his fingers must've caught on fire as text after text from him kept showing up on your screen. "No, listen, I'm glad you told me, I've only played this to like 2 people before and I didn't realise what they were like" "I don't think it could make anyone cry, but if you find it sad, I don't want to play it in a cafe as 6 in the afternoon" "Are people gonna be sipping their coffees and go- who hurt this kid?" "Because I don't want that" "Don't leave me like this, I want to impress James" You rolled your eyes as your cheeks were beginning to hurt from the ridiculous smile this boy put on your face. You started to type an answer, but he wouldn't stop sending text after text, so on impulse, you pressed the call button and waited. "Yes?" Shawn's voice broke trough your speaker. "Change something and you're dead" "Wow ok-" he gasped, breathing out directly into he microphone, "I won't... Thanks" he said shyly. As much as you wanted right now to get more information about the songs, you decided against asking for details over the phone, " No problem, but I'm just curious-" you cringed, "What were you gonna do with that half an hour?" You refused to believe he was just going to come up with another song on the spot, and you were right. "I have a few more songs, I was gonna record another one for you" "Well honestly-" you sighed, driving a hand through your hair, "I'm not gonna stop you. I mean if you get bored you can record and send me more" "That's giving me anxiety" Shawn laughed, "But as soon as I have something decent, I'll send it to you" "I'm not gonna fight with you" you sighed, "I'm pretty sure everything you have passed decent a long time ago, but no hurry" "You're too sweet" Shawn chuckled, you heard the smile in his voice and imagined his rosy cheeks, it was impossible not to realise how nervous he got. "I appreciate this a lot" "No worries. Go work on your stuff, I'll see you on Monday" "Thanks Y/n" he said truthfully, "So much" "You got it!" You hung up the phone, and felt yourself morph into the cushions of your couch. Your heart was beating all the way up to your neck and the simply wasn't a way for you to unclasp your fingers from around your phone. Unsurprisingly, a few moments later, you found yourself listening to his recordings again... and again, and breathed in deeply as an idea materialised inside your head. You hurried to your room and pulled out your old guitar, feeling it in your hands bringing up so many memories from highschool, back when music was still your main focus. Getting the guitar out of the case felt surreal and to some extent, you regretted doing it as you knew the chances of letting it out of your hands in the near future were slim. As you listened to There's nothing holding me back over and over again, you couldn't help but find yourself trying to recreate it. You musical ear was unbeatable so it wasn't hard for you to pin point the exact rhythm and sound, and before you knew it, your fingers got a hold of the notes, hitting every single one of them. This applied only to the first part of the riff where the guitar was clear, as when he started singing and slowed down the beat, you got lost and couldn't hear anything exactly. Proud of yourself for achieving this, you busied yourself for the rest of the night, humming and playing along to whatever song came to mind, and couldn't stop smiling and gushing alone in your house thinking about what face Shawn would make if you just played him one of his own songs. Eventually, you stopped playing and even though you managed to not pick up the guitar again on Sunday, you didn't manage to keep him off your mind, so for the first time in your life, going to work on Monday felt like a breath of fresh air. As you approached the door at around 4pm, a small board that laid beside the entrance, reading "Live Music: Shawn Mendes, 6pm" in light blue chalk, caught your attention. Giggling, you walked inside, "I swear to god, we're so professional" you laughed, throwing your bag on a refrigerator and joining some of your colleagues in the back. "What are you talking about?" your boss yelled coming out of his office, a bowl of cereal in his hands, "We're like the epitome of professionalism" Dan walked into the room, shirtless, "Dude, you gave the kid that's coming to play today the keys, when he, by the way, doesn't need any, and he didn't even sign anything yet." he laughed. "He seems like a stand up guy" James said, munching on his lunch, "Cute ass too, I wonder if he's single" "Well, didn't this take an unexpected turn!" you exclaimed, going to change and get ready to start your shift. 10 minutes later you were sprinting from table to table, your mind already numb from how many orders you had been too lazy to write down, and were now trying to remember, "Hopefully they wanted almond syrup and not anything else" you thought to yourself as you filled a cup with hot chocolate. When you turned around to deliver to the tables the ridiculous amount of snacks you gathered on your tray, you saw Shawn enter the shop. You nodded to him, and upon making eye contact, his face lit up as he started walking towards you. "Hi, (Y/n)" he mumbled, following you around from table to table. "Why are you here so early?" you giggled, as you silently responded to the customers that thanked you. "I don't know how things go around here" he said, "Do you need help with that?" "Yeah, no, it's fine" you dismissed his offer, as you sat down that last of your orders. "And neither do I, so i can't really help you with that" You tried suggesting he found James and go from there, but hearing your words, panic washed over his face. To be honest, although the atmosphere around there was one of the friendliest and most laid back, you remembered how overwhelming your first day was, so you decided to help him. You led him to your boss's small office and uselessly knocked on the door. When he failed to answer, you turned the knob but it was for nothing as when you tried to push it open, it failed to move. "Shawn" you sighed, "James must've left" "Oh" he mumbled, eyes snapping to every direction as he turned to look at the shop and customers, then at you, then at the locked door. He opened his mouth to speak, failed for a second to form any kind of decent sentence and sighed deeply, "Ok" "Ok?" you pouted, "Come, I'll introduce you to the rest of the guys" Shawn just nodded and followed you. Only Dan was in at the moment, Mike and Luka probably being late as always. With his usual air of superiority, Dan tried his hardest to play off some kind of character in front of Shawn, but after a couple of minutes, he laid the guard down, realising his missconceptions were indeed, one more time, just uncalled for and unrooted. Even though they hit it off, Dan's schedule was much busier than yours so, for the hour that was left until Shawn had to start getting ready, you dragged with you, teaching him all the little things you had become so used to. After writing down on a piece of paper what three girls in the far corner of the cafe requested, you asked Shawn to go over to the counter and cut the two slices of cake they had asked for, while you went and handed the note to some other group of customers. As soon as he left, the peaceful sound of the chimes above the door reached your ears, but didn't acknowledge who came in until a small old lady tapped your shoulder. "Yes?" you smiled at her, taking in her genuinely sweet appearance. She seemed unable to do harm, the definition of a good, genuine person, so the fact that her eyes showed so much fear broke your heart. "Miss-" she spoke in a trembling voice, "Can you help me find my husband?" "Um..." you mumbled, taken aback by her question. "Is he- was he-" you stopped and cleared your throat, "We're you supposed to meet him here?" "No dear" the lady shook her head, "He was waiting for me outside the boutique on the other side of the road" "Ok" "But when I came out, he wasn't there anymore!" "Ok" you sighed, looking around you, as if you would have recognised her husband had you seen him. "Do you have a phone?" "I do" she smiled proudly, "But he doesn't" "Oh ok" you frowned, thinking of what the next step would be. Before you managed to open your mouth, Shawn came back to you. "Y/n" he called excitedly, "This ok?" You turned around. First your eyes met his and you unconsciously smiled, but then you saw the plate he was holding and noticed the pathetic excuse of a slice of cake he had - but no matter what, you didn't have the heart to tell him there was no way he could ever sell that to a customer. "It's good" you choked, completely failing to cover your feelings. "It's bad, isn't it?" he cringed, face falling as his features got covered in disappointment and desperation. "No, Shawn" you said, this time so much warmer as you placed your palm on the back of the hand he was holding the plate with, "It's ok, I promise but um-" you paused and turned to look at the old lady, but still addressed him as you spoke, "Can you take it to the-" "What's wrong?" Shawn asked, looking between the two of you. The lady explained again what had happened and he offered to go and help her look for her husband. After thanking him and taking the order to the table - but not until you fixed that awful slices Shawn cut, you tried to return to your post, but your mind was busy thinking about what could Shawn and the lady have been doing and how the search was going. "Any luck? :)" you typed and sent to Shawn. "Yes. We found her cat" he replied. "I'm not even gonna ask. Just go save the day" "She's not very helpful" "Ask if she has a picture of her husband. Maybe you'll see and recognise him" "Smart" Shawn texted and then after a minute or so, another message from him popped up on your screen. "Y/n..." "She doesn't have a picture?" you sent, laughing out loud in the middle of the coffee shop, already anticipating a multitude of weird scenarios. "She does lol" he replied, and then another bubble appeared, "BUT ITS THEIR WEDDING PHOTO" "Omg how cutee" you typed, "You're a nice guy and I know you're probably annoyed, but this is hilarious" "I'm not annoyed" he sent, "But I just hope her husband is real and that she's not crazy bc this cat already scratched me and I keep staring at every guy over 50 that walks past us. And it's uncomfortable" "I can't wait to see how this ends omg. Hurry" "I will I will" and with this, you shoved your phone back in your pocket and continued with your work. As you busied yourself with all the small things that were to be done behind the counter, minutes have passed without you taking any kind of notice. Before you knew it, someone tapped your shoulder and you were more than happy to see it was Shawn. "Oh god!" you gasped, smiling broadly as you looked up at him and met his exhausted stare, "Did you find him" "Yeees" he whined elongating the word, and leaned his head to the side as he raised his hand, carrying a yellow lily. "He went to buy her flowers and Maggie insisted I took one for you too" "Oh, how sweet" you gushed, taking the flower, "Thanks!" "I have one too" Shawn chuckled embarrassed. You grabbed the two lilies, took two small glasses from the back hoping no one would notice they were missing, and placed the flowers in water, on the side of the stage. Soon after, Shawn started to get ready, and as the evening was approaching, the cafe became so much more crowded. No matter how much you trusted him and believed in his songs, you still had butterflies in your stomach as you saw that most of the people simply couldn't look away from their phones and refused to pay any kind of attention to the stage. A change was still possible as Shawn was still tuning his guitar, and you sat down at the bar and turned around to listen to him perform. When he was ready, Shawn tapped the microphone faintly, and tried to introduce himself, but no one was listening. You turned to James who was making a cocktail behind the bar, and sent him a pleading look. Luckily enough, he took the hint and stormed to the stage, pushed Shawn aside and spoke loudly into the microphone. "Good evening!" he beamed. "Thanks for coming here tonight, as some of you might not know, we're trying something new. We have a guest, and I'd appreciate it if you took a moment to listen to what he prepared because frankly-" James sighed, "This kid rocks, so I hope you'll have a great time, and after the program is finished we serve Blueberry sunrise cocktails on the house! I'm gonna stop rambling and ask you to welcome Shawn Mendes" When he stepped of the stage, James looked as if just an ounce of more air would have made his collapse. He breathed out, finally relaxing and walked back to his spot, "Was it obvious?" "Not really" you smiled, squinting your eyes. "I feel the adrenaline-" he began saying, but then stopped when the first strums of the guitar filled the room. You turned to look at Shawn. He was something else - entirely absorbed into what he was doing, a completely different person than who he'd been until he walked on stage. Nothing about him came off as clumsy or indecisive, every note followed the other in perfect harmony, his fingers moving along the fret board with a confidence you never knew he had. The moment he raised his head and looked into the room, Shawn took a deep breath and allowed his upper eye lids to lower as he started singing, a melody so beautiful in it's own painful way, that right then and there, your felt all the hairs stand up on your body. His voice, soft and warm where required and raspy and dominant on the bridges, simply struck you, and to say it didn't have anything to do with what he played at the addition would be a crass understatement. Much to your surprise, but rightfully so, the people listened to him carefully, from the first note to the very last. You watched him with a genuine smile on your lips, cursing under your breath whenever someone waved at you in need of a refill. It didn't take long until he was done - technically an hour passed, but it surely didn't feel like anywhere close to that. When he finished performing, as he gathered his stuff and thanked the people that enthusiastically stood up showing their support, you saw James come to you. "We did a freaking good job picking this kid" he beamed, grabbing your shoulder, "I'm proud of you" "Of me?" you laughed, "Why of me? It's Shawn who-" "Well, you listened to his songs to see if they were ok and Y/n, they were so much more than that" "Sure" you shrugged amused, "Let me take the credit, I don't mind" After that, your boss joined Dan at the bar, the two of them managing the drinks while Shawn enjoyed a well deserved beer. You finished serving your assigned tables and walked over to them, letting your palm run across Shawn's back as you passed him, to which he responded with a pleased smile. You all hung out as much as you could during the remaining hours of the program, and then started tidying up the place as 1am was fast approaching. Shawn found himself naturally helping all of you out even if no one ever asked him to, and not to anyone's surprise, you all had quite a good time cleaning up the cafe in the late hours of the night. Shortly after it turned 1:30, you lazily dragged your feet through the back door, going to throw some thrash out before finally making your way home. "Hey, Y/n" Shawn called, grabbing your elbow out of nowhere. You shrugged surprised and turned to see him with his phone pressed to his ear, nodding slowly as he listened to the other person talk, "You're insane!" he laughed. You threw out the garbage and and then waited for him to finish talking on the phone, "Aaliyah, stop" Shawn continued, "Yes, I'm gonna get drunk, I promise- No, don't tell mum- I love you too but I still wouldn't give you any alcohol" You smiled amused, realising halfway through the conversation that the person he was talking to was nowhere near a threat to your growing crush on him. Now, without any doubts inside your mind, you relaxed as he ended the conversation and placed his phone inside his pocket while turning to you. "Go get drunk Shawn" you laughed, not allowing him to speak. He opened his mouth, but eventually just giggled, leaning his head to the side. "Do you wanna get drunk?" "I have classes at 12 tomorrow" you pouted, leaning back against the back of your car, "I mean today, because it's almost 2" "Why did you stay so long?" Shawn asked shocked, walking over to you. "It was fun" you whined, "But now I'm super tired and as much I'd love a drink right now, the responsible thing to do would be to go home" "No, of course!" Shawn jumped to agree, and he did it with a smile, "Go home and sleep and-" "But before, like-" you mumbled, cutting him off, "I kinda wanna show you something" Shawn nodded with curiosity, and reluctantly made his way inside to bring his guitar after you asked him to do so. As you waited, a rush of adrenaline overtook your body, so you pushed yourself off the car and ran inside after him. You stopped by a fridge and stuck your head inside. "Vodka? Beer? Tequila? Rum?" you yelled over your shoulder. "Y/n" Shawn sighed, coming up behind you, guitar case in hand, "You don't have to-" "What's the college experience without hangover morning classes?" you giggled, "What do you like to drink?" "I really wanna say vodka but you need to get home" You rolled your eyes and then looked at him tauntingly, "I'm starting to think you changed your mind about wanting to drink with me" "School's important" he said, and the sarcasm that dripped off his lips made you stare him down until he gave up, "You sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure" you beamed, grabbing a vodka bottle and a orange juice one. "Plus the class I have tomorrow is ridiculous, the teacher is insane" "What do you mean, insane?" Shawn asked as he followed you back outside, going over to sit down on the bench where your colleagues spend their cigarette breaks. "It's a long story" you sighed, gathering your legs under your body so you could sit facing him, "You'd have to see it to believe it" "I'm not doing anything tomorrow" "Oh" you laughed, "If you can wake up, I'll gladly take you to the crazy show that histology is" "Deal" Shawn nodded. After that, he excitedly handed you the guitar, and faking confidence, you pulled it out of its case and set it in your lap. Unfortunately, your cockiness faded, and when you had to start playing, you froze. Under Shawn's expecting stare and his overly excited expression, you couldn't move a muscle. "Sorry" you whined, covering your face with your palms, "I'm not always like this" "No, I get you" he encouraged. He shifted further towards you and spread his along the back of the bench, his hand coming up somewhere behind you. "Just strum it for a few seconds and imagine I'm not here" "How could I imagine you're not here if it's for you I'm playing?" "Imagine I'm someone else" "That wouldn't make sense" you rolled your eyes, "It is for you!" "Did you write me a love song?" Shawn teased, opening the bottle, taking a sip and then handing it to you, "For courage" "Don't think I can win you over with this thing" you said after you drank, "It's like 10 seconds long" "Yeah you can" he nodded, closing his eyes shortly as he spoke to emphasize his point, gesture that only managed to make you even more nervous. "Come on" "But don't laugh at me" you said pointing a finger at him. He promised he wouldn't, and after wiping your palms against your shirt, you took a deep breath and settled your hands on their designated spots on the guitar. Realising Shawn would be able to recognise he chords if you just kept your hand on the neck of the guitar, on impulse, you started playing the riff of There's nothing holding me back, and something your might for ever regret, was not looking up at him as you played. "This is all I know" you mumbled after finishing the part that you were familiar with. Shawn had his mouth comically open, as his eye brows were probably two times higher on his forehead than you were used to. "Shut up. Did you get how to play it from the recording?" You just nodded shyly. "I'm never sending you any of my stuff ever again" he belted, trying to seem offended, "I can't reproduce songs like that. Why didn't you tell me you were so good at this?" "I used to be good, I'm not that-" "No" he cut you off, shuffling closer to you, "No-uh. Don't tell me you also sing" "I do" you laughed, placing the instrument back in its case, "I only started playing guitar so I'd develop my musical ear and hear myself better" Shawn widened his eyes suggestively and as soon as the guitar was out of reach, safely laying on the ground behind the bench, you got to drinking. And you did it wholeheartedly, chugging mouthfuls of vodka like it was water, laughing more and more at every humorless joke Shawn told, getting closer and closer to him with each passing minute; the need in the pit of your stomach to jump and kiss him only growing bigger and bigger with every suggestive longing stare he blessed you with. "I wanna meet 14 year old Shawn" you cried, bringing your hand up to caress his cheek with the back of your fingers as you were now laying on your back with your head in his lap. Shawn leaned into your touch, waiting a moment before ruining it, "You don't wanna do that" "Why not? I think you were the absolute cutest" you countered as he had been talking about how he got into music for the past half an hour. "I looked and acted horrible, Y/n" he whined, finally grabbing your hand, lazily holding onto it as he guided it away from his face, "I wouldn't want you around that" "Did you just call yourself 'that'?" you giggled, "Don't! 14 year old me would've loved the 14 year old you" Shawn rolled his eyes and grabbed your cheek, leaning down to look at you as he spoke, "I was an asshole!" "Cute asshole?" you giggled. "Why aren't you taking me seriously?" he laughed, his warm hand still pressed to the side of your face, "I'm serious!" "So am I" you countered. "I was taking shirtless selfies sending them to girls.. for whatever reason I thought they'd just magically fall in love with me" Shawn whined, shaking his head as he looked up into the sky as if asking the world for answers. "And did it work?" you laughed. "Of course it didn't, what are you talking about?" "Has drinking laying down been invented?" you asked, changing the subject as if you didn't, with all your heart wish to keep it going. The words just slipped from your mouth and despite regretting it, all the alcohol you had ingested made you instantly forget about the previous topic of conversation. "Wanna try?" Shawn smirked, removing the top of the bottle as he looked down at you. Truthfully, you contemplated for a little while but eventually you decided against experimenting with this right now, you so stood up and drank normally, on your own. After placing the bottle to the side again, Shawn held your stare, causing deep sparkles to electrify every corner of your whole body. He smiled kindly, an expression that was hard for you to read. Something in it didn't give you the confidence you needed, and even through your blood boiled, even through your ears were buzzing and all you could hear was the sound of your heart going into overdrive, something failed you and you didn't have the courage you wish you did. When you felt yourself gather up everything you had in you and leaned in, another wave of shock ran along your body, and instead of going for his lips, you his your face in his neck, and the be honest, the only reason you managed to keep breathing after that, was the fact that Shawn wrapped his arms around, bringing you a tiny bit closer. "You tired?" he asked softly, and even though he probably didn't mean to, he spoke directly into your exposed skin, bringing back to life those goosebumps that you were so happy you got rid of. With your forehead still pressed against the side of his neck, you nodded no, even if your eyes threatened to fall closed at any second. "Lets take an uber" Shawn suggested, this time tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, hoping maybe he'd be able to see your eyes. That didn't happen. "Come on" he laughed. "If I go home-" you sighed pulling back a little, "It means I'll go to sleep. If I go to sleep it means I have to wake up and if I wake up, it means I have to go to school" "But you said the teacher's crazy" Shawn laughed, grabbing both your hands, "Crazy teachers are the best teachers" "Second best" you countered, leaning your head to the side, "I gotta give credit to those real teachers that put passion into their work" "That sounds way too politically correct for you, Y/n, wow" "Stop" you rolled your eyes, standing up from the bench, "I'm used to this lunatic, it's not fun anymore" "Yeah, but like-" Shawn said slyly, coming up beside you, "I'm not" "Wait, you were serious about that?" you questioned, looking up at him with a frown, "I thought you were joking, god" And as it turned out, he wasn't. One of the things that drew you to this job was how conveniently near your house it was. Despite swearing up and down that you walked that distance every night after work, Shawn didn't show any kind of sign of letting you to it again - not tonight, and he also tried, and failed, to convince you to stop walking on the streets alone at night. You appreciated the concern, but just smiled and giggled a proud "No" while he shook his head. You shared an Uber, and he dropped you off first. Since the day before you had driven to work, your car wasn't at home and unlike the the coffee shop, the school was much further. Due to the short drive, you and Shawn didn't have too much time to argue, and agreed that he'd be in front of your apartment at 11 that morning. Then you'd do to school and after that to work. Now that you thought about it during your nightly contemplative shower, you realized another whole day to spend with him was a bit too much, considering you barely knew each other - but there was an excuse, you were drunk and he was cute. Afterwards, you set your alarm and fell asleep soundly in a matter of minutes. The day's been full and this night's sleep, although cut short, was very much awaited and more then welcome. You slept soundly and as if waking up in the morning wasn't already the most hideous part of the day, what annoyed you beyond words was that the sound that pulled you out of your sleep wasn't coming from your phone, which was inches away from you - it was coming from the front door, that was all the way on the other end of the apartment. You stomped your feet childishly against the floor, slapped your hand on the knob and dragged the door open with a loud groan, "What- Oh!" "Why aren't you dressed?" Shawn laughed, squinting his eyes. "What are you doing here" you whined, walking away from the door and crawling all the way over to the couch. "We're supposed to leave in 15 minutes" he said calmly taking his jacket off. "Yeah sure" you scoffed, face sunk into the cushions, "Make yourself at home" "I brought you food" he defended himself, and with a delay of a few seconds you looked up, and you did it just in time to see a small bag flying towards you. "What the-" you mumbled, grabbing the bag. "Avocado and toast" he said over his shoulder as he started rummaging through all the cupboards and drawers in your small kitchen. Your heart rate went up. After pulling the bag open with too much force and managing to rip it in the process too, you stuck your hand in, ready to find all the goods. "There only toast in here" you whined, disappointment hitting you like a brick. You stood up and walked to the kitchen, more or less in a straight line, "Why did you do this to me?" "Relax" Shawn laughed, opening an ice cream box, "I didn't put the avocado on the bread because it would've gotten all soft and gross" Failing to suppress a smile, you tip toed to his side, and leaned in to look into the the box, "Oh here it is" you giggled, "Sorry" Shawn just laughed in response and commanded you to sit down, while he got everything ready. Although you felt somewhat bad for pointing all over your kitchen whenever he asked for any ingredient or utensils, there was no energy or will inside your body for you to actually do anything more. When everything was ready, and the plate of food waited on the table in front of you, you actually stood up, to be able to face Shawn properly, "I'm sorry I'm acting like a bitch. Thank you, this is the sweetest thing, I appreciate it" "I know you do" Shawn chuckled, cupping the back of your head so he could kiss your forehead, "You asked me to do all of this" "What!?" "I figured you forgot" he laughed, sitting down opposite from your spot at the table. "That's ok" "Shawn, what the fuck" you whined, plopping back down on your chair. You sighed deeply, "How could I have possibly asked you to do all of this and why did you listen to me?" "You also asked me to let you dye my hair, and to that I didn't agree" he shrugged amused, digging into he food he just got ready, "So you're not forcing me to do anything" "You know-" you sighed, "I'm starting to think this is all like upside down. Like you are the one who just had his first concert and you're the one who was supposed to party all night with their friends. But somehow, I got drunk and you had to listen to me talk shit for god knows how long last night, and now, instead of being hungover, you're here making me food" He was pleased. It was readable on his face. "Eat" he smiled. "How are you even so awake at this hour?" you mumbled, dropping the subject as you started eating, feeling completely defeated. "James called me" Shawn said which made you look up at him curious. "I'm not playing tonight" "What? Why?" you asked. "He said he rushed with the program and that he thinks it's better if we have at least one day between the shows" "Oh, ok" you breathed out relieved, "I thought something happened" "Last night?" he questioned before taking a bite of the toast, "What could've happened last night, I mean we locked the-" And that was when the food got lodged in your throat. "Shawn?" your voice trembled, "Did you lock the door?" His eyes widened as he looked to the side, "Didn't you-" "Holy fuck-" you yelled, jumping from your seat and sprinting back to your bedroom. In case you had ever during your life wondered what was the worst thing about not hearing your phone while you slept, you figured it out now. 7 unread text messages from Dan and 3 missed calls. "Please tell me you came in early and are somewhere inside" "YOU IDIOT" "You're so mtfken lucky I came in before James" "He would've strangled you" "LOCK THE FRIKEN DOOR WHEN YOU LEAVE WTF DID YOU EVEN DO LAST NIGHT" "Shawn.... that's what you did.didn't you? that's why you forgot. You slut, you're lucky I love you" "Btw you owe me jahaha" After reading all of them you walked back into the kitchen were Shawn was waiting, probably being too polite to just walk into your bedroom without you inviting him. "Everything ok?" "Yeah" you sighed, throwing your phone on the counter and covering your face with your hands, "Too much shit happened today already and I just woke up" "And we need to go see the crazy lady" Shawn laughed, knowing he just pushed your buttons further. "Fuck" you whined, "I managed to forget about that too" After checking the time, you felt your veins on the verge of exploding, "I need to get ready in 6 minutes" "Go" Shawn said, nodding his head in the direction you just came from, "I'll put everything in the fridge" Your heart got filled up with all kinds of emotions that were too new and pure for you to put your finger on, so in lack of ways to express what you actually felt, you thanked him shyly and rushed to the bathroom. Even if the sight of you in the mirror made you want to slap yourself for letting Shawn see you like this, you couldn't remove from your mind the image of him smiling in awe as you got way too excited over some trivial breakfast that probably took him 15 minutes to make. But he did drive all the way over here and put up with your morning attitude, and you just couldn't help but giggle against the tooth brush the was lodged between your teeth. After being done in the bathroom, you started walking towards your closet thinking about what you should wear, but instead, somewhere halfway along your hallway, you turned around and headed back to the kitchen. Shawn was standing in his previous spot, scrolling through his phone. "You're not dressed" he laughed, looking up at you as soon as he heard you enter the room, "Why aren't you dressed" You just giggled as you rubbed your eyes, and the fact that you didn't say anything prompted him to, "As cute as those hearts look on your buttcheeks, I don't think that's appropriate for college" "Shawn" you whined, still having trouble putting into action the thoughts that got to back into the kitchen in the first place. "Y/n" he chuckled, throwing his phone to the side and mirroring your attitude. When he pouted at you playfully with half of his upper body leaning on top of the table in your direction, you finally closed the distance between the two of you. He straightened his back and looked up. "Thanks" you smiled, grabbing the sides of his face. Shawn seemed as pleased as ever, and the smirk on his face when you placed your knee on the edge of his chair between his tights was way too much. He tilted his head back, leaning into your touch as you held his cheeks, and he did look at you calmly for just a few seconds, as they fluttered closed when you started leaning in. Despite letting his guard down entirely, he met you half way, his lips brushing over yours so softly at the beginning you felt waves of delight follow the traces of his touch. Eventually, you kissed him, a longing peck on the corner of his mouth, and the sole feeling of his lips curling into a smile ignited your cravings. Shawn grabbed the back of your legs pulling you completely into him, and his hands traveled upwards, rousingly stopping at the top of your thighs. Taking in a deep breath of air, you both leaned in opposite directions, going in with a fervent need you were so pleased to see he has be harboring too. Your hands got lost in his hair and his arms had wrapped around your body. Uncomfortable - it was, your knee hurt against the wooden surface of the chair, your back was worringly straight as Shawn kept your body locked against his, your neck muscles were strained but all you felt was pleasure, emanating from his touch, his lips, from his tongue against your and from his crazed breathing. In need of a break, you sucked his bottom lip between yours and pressed your forehead against his when his hold tightened significantly around you. That was a sign it was time to relax and let go, but it took you another moment to gather yourself. "Someone brushed their teeth?" Shawn teased even if he was in no position to do so, as his fiery cheeks and miles wide smile gave off nothing but awe. "Shut up" you scoffed trying to back away but he tightened his hold just in time. "I'm sorry" he chuckled shaking his head from side to side, "But you have no idea how hard it was for me to not do this last night" You pouted disappointed, "Why didn't you?" "You were drunk" he said simply, "That's not-" "What a gentleman!" you jokingly gushed. "I did bring you a lily, didn't I?" "And I left it by the stage..." "But my lily is there too" "Oh" you laughed out loud finally pulling away so you could go change, "They're gonna die together, how romantic!" "But" Shawn continued, pointing a finger, "They're the only lilies on a stage full of instruments, so that's gotta count for something" By now you had already reached the door, but stopped and spoke over your shoulder, turning just slightly, "Just like we're the only ones in that coffee shop that can sing!" Initially, his mouth fell open, but then he turned to smiling, "You can also sing!? I thought you just played-" You loved how happy and playful he made you feel, so you just sprinted to your room, way beyond satisfied with how you left him. After getting dressed, you left for class. You stopped for coffee because none of you actually thought of making some at home, parked in the middle of nowhere as every space in front of your school was taken due to the fact that it was already the middle of the day, and ended up running up the stairs of the main building and down the corridor, only to see all your classmates still waiting in front of the classroom. "It's occupied" a girl sighed as soon as she saw your confused expression, "And no one cares? The class was supposed to start 20 minutes ago" Panting, you agreed with her and decided to find each other in case any of you heard something new, and then you turned to Shawn, "And we thought we we're gonna be late" "We are late" he said distraught, looking over the crowd, trying to spot someone that might look like a teacher. "Think I have enough time to go to the bathroom?" "Go" you laughed, "See those stairs?" You pointed to the end of the hallway and then looked at him, "Go down one level, and it's the first door on the left" "What if the teacher comes?" Shawn asked worried, still scanning the crowd. Unconsciously, you grabbed his hand, "I know you didn't go to college, but relax" "Does my anxiety show?" Shawn laughed. After shaking his head and shrugging away the bad energy, he kissed your lips, and as natural as it felt it electrified you whole. Eventually he left, and you walked a bit behind him, getting out of the crowd of people, and sat on a bench so you wouldn't have problems finding each other afterwards. A few minutes later, the situation hadn't changed, at least not for the better. Now there were actually even more students waiting by the door and no teacher had been seen around. Coincidentally, just when you turned to look for Shawn, you saw him head down the hallway. How he managed to fit in so well made you warm inside but your blood ran cold when two blondes turned their heads as soon as they passed him. You saw him walk proudly, head held high, arms hanging loosely around his frame, his frame that you had just a bit too much fun analysing. You just now realised how much like a genuine college kid he looked - his boots were missing but the white sport shoes he wore didn't fail you, he wore the irreplaceable black skinny jeans, and while you knew him with loose dress shirts with one or two too many buttons left outdone, now he had a white simple shirt that hugged him in all the goddamned good places - with the finishing touch being represented by the tiniest backpack in the world hanging on his shoulders. To say you tried would be a lie, you just nonchalantly stared until eventually standing up and walking in his direction. That cold air of superiority that had just surrounded him turned sweeter as he was now all just a smile. "What did you do?" you giggled. "I found out what happened" he spoke into your ear. When you pulled away to look into his eyes, he signaled with his stare for you to check behind him, where three teachers were approaching the group. "What did you do?" you asked shocked, and he broke character. "Nothing" Shawn laughed as the door finally opened. You both sat down somewhere in the middle of the classroom and got ready. He opened his back pack and pulled out a piece of paper, and two pens. "Shawn" you gushed, grabbing his bicep and placing your chin of top of his shoulder, "This is a debate class, we don't take notes" "You're just jealous" he scoffed, nudging your nose with his. "You got me" you joked and the two of you got ready and waited for the presentations to begin. A few minutes in, and Shawn was already throwing you side glances every time someone used a word he never heard before in his entire life - and that was way more often than you anticipated. The class was two hours long but it always felt like no more than 30 minutes. At the beginning you were shocked but now, all the crazy things that happen simply amuse you. Shawn on the other hand, was amazed every time someone raised their voice, someone yelled, or someone left the class without saying a word. Eager to give him the full college experience, you wrote down the main aspects of String Theory and asked Shawn to raise his hand and answer. He did so, red cheeks and trembling voice but he did it, and boy, was he proud of himself when the lab assistant congratulated him. "What's your name?" the teacher asked. "Shit" Shawn mumbled, "Um... Roberto?" "Very well Roberto" she nodded, walking around the class, "We're gonna take a small break and after that, you're gonna help me present the rest of the lecture. You're excused" "What the fuck did you just do to me?" he cried, turning to you as most of the students stood up and left the classroom. "Relax, she's gonna forget" you waved him off, "And if she doesn't, I'll ask her to let me present with her, instead of you" "Do you know the next part?" "No" you laughed, "But I know more than you do" You could tell he almost tried to not let you take the fault and probably embarrass yourself in front of the class, but you both knew he had no idea what the whole lecture was about, so he slowly backed down. Just when you were starting to complain about not eating more before class, the teacher slowly approached the two of you. "Roberto, can I have a word with you?" Not going to lie, your face fell. Shawn stood up slowly and followed her, and they settled by her desk, her leaning playfully against it and him awkwardly standing in front of her with his hands being his back. You saw him nod to what she was saying but the buzz in the room made it impossible for you to actually hear anything. Trying to get a better view, you walked to the widow and hopped on the sill, from this angle seeing Shawn's freaked out expression ten times better. He looked terrified, mortified even, at one point he brought his hands together in front of his chest and leaned forward faintly, as it deeply apologizing for something. A few moments later he walked away from her and made his way to you. "What happened?" you asked excitedly, extending your hands for him to take. "Um..." he cringed as he tilted his head to side with a slight frown, "Nothing?" Your eyes widened, "Tell me!" "What's she doing?" Shawn asked, so he wouldn't have to turn around and see for himself. You peaked over his shoulder and figured she had left the classroom as she was nowhere to be seen, "She's gone. Tell me" "She kinda asked me out" "What" you belted, pulling on his hands to bring him closer, "You're not serious" "She knows I'm not from this class and she said that there shouldn't be anything wrong with-" "And what did you say?" you cut him off, way too excited. "That I'm in a relationship?" "With me?" you gushed. "I- I mean, I didn't tell her that" he chuckled teasingly, "Wouldn't want her to be jealous of you or anything" "Oh my god" you giggled, grabbing his cheeks to pull him in for a kiss. Aware you were still in the class room, you didn't wrap your legs around him trying to not cross a line or anything, but Shawn's hands grabbed your hips as he pressed himself against you. After placing more than a few lazy pecks along his bottom lip, you made your way to his jaw line, advancing further down his neck, sucking mercilessly on his smooth skin. Every time he moaned into your ear you felt yourself buzz more and more and soon enough you realised it was time to stop. "Let's go back" you said softly as you caught your breath. "Back home?" he grinned. "Nope" "Aren't you turned on at all?" Shawn laughed, following you back to your seats. You turned to him and contemplated. "I promised I'd give you the college experience" "I'm kinda hard and I-" Shawn started but you ignored him completely as you grabbed both of your bags. Taking his hand, you heard a faint "Thank god" coming from him as you dragged him to the door. As you turned the knob, you instantly jumped back as the door flew open by itself. Before you managed to realise what was happening, Mrs. Rutth stormed past you, "Back to your seats" When you felt Shawn's hold loosen around your fingers you pulled his hand, and nodded towards the door. Everything happened in a split second and before you knew it, the two of you were sprinting down the hallway with your teachers threats barely audible in the back as she settled for yelling after the two of you from the threshold. "If this is what college is actually like, I might enroll next year" Shawn panted as soon as you stopped after you passed a corner. "Don't make that mistake" you giggled. He cocked his head to the side smiling wide before he grabbed the sides of your face and pulled you in for a longing kiss on your forehead, "Did your mood just change in less than 2 minutes?" you giggled. "No" he laughed, "But you're cute no matter what mood I'm in" You wrapped your arms around him and started walking backwards, forcing him to stumble after you, "I'll fix it" "You don't have to fix anything" Shawn confessed as you pushed him through the doors of the first bathroom you laid eyes on. You looked up, "Full college experience, remember?" "You fucked guys in the bathroom before?" Shawn questioned, backing you against the wall. "When I want something, I gotta have it, ok?" you defended yourself. "And then you just drop 'em?" "I would never drop someone that made me avocado and toast" "Jesus" Shawn breathed as leaned forward, inching closer to your neck. He kept his longing stare fixed on your features for as long as he could, and when he averted his gaze going lower towards your jaw line, you saw his eyes flutter closed. In a matter of seconds, his lips brushed over your skin causing goosebumps to arise all over your body, before his teeth finally sank into your neck. "Ok.." you moaned, wrapping your arms around his back for support. Shawn grabbed the back of your thighs and pushed you up, bringing you at the same level with him. Now he wasn't towering over you anymore, but your face was still hidden in his shoulder as he did his magic. "I really don't wanna fuck you in this bathroom" Shawn panted, pressing himself closer to you as he looked up, "This isn't what I imagined" "No, this is exactly what I imagined" you shook your head, "But we were in the bathroom of the coffee shop" "Stop" he laughed weakly, planting his lips against your one more time. You kissed passionately, noses bumping and moans everywhere, doing nothing but accentuating the feeling that got you in the bathroom in the first place. You steadied your hold around him with one arm and pushed yourself off the wall with the other, and Shawn unconsciously followed your lead, spinning the two of you around. Lowering yourself, you greedily kissed down his neck as you hands roamed his body. Your heart beat was boomed in your ears, but irronicaly, the way his muscles clenched under your touch made you relax heavily. Seeing him just as nervous as you were ignited sparks all over your body. With your hands hooked into his jeans, you straightened your back and kissed his lips slowly, pulling him after you. Crashing against one of the stall doors, you pushed past them and turned the lock behind the two of you. Shawn leaned back against the door, "Turn around" You laughed against his lips. Without breaking contact, you undid his belt and the button of his jeans, sliding down the zipped as you kissed him one more time. In need of a little more build-up, you grabbed his sides and pushed yourself against him, applying pressure just where you knew he needed the most. "I kinda want something else" As you knelt and pulled his jeans down, you saw him shake his head, "You'll kill me" A bit too excited about what was to come, you palmed him through his underwear and pushed yourself up a bit, allowing your teeth to sink into his sides, his abdomen muscles forcing the air to dash through his lungs dangerously fast. "Relax" you cooed, standing up once again. This time, you stuck your hand inside his underwear as you kissed him, and despite whimpering, Shawn grabbed your waist, holding you in place. Your tongues worked against each other as you wrapped your fingers around his base, gripping the elastic band of his underwear with your free hand and pulled it down. This time you lowered yourself for good, settling on your knees in front of him. The looks Shawn was giving you made it all so much better; in the dark stall the light was mostly nonexistent, the shadows accentuation his cheekbones and jaw line as he had his head slightly dipped forward. You took your time exactly like you were used to, trailing your fingers up his thighs waiting for any kind of sign - a go ahead signal, before giving him what he surely craved the most. A slight twitch was enough and when a breathy moan followed, you licked your lips and stuck your tongue out to meet his tip. After working experienced flicks against his cock, you raised your stare trying to keep the eye contact as you took him in your mouth. He slid inside until his end reached the back of your throat which required more concentration, causing you to lower your gaze and close your eyes as you pressed your palms into his thighs. Pulling back slowly, you started to bob your head, going back and forth, sucking him with an eager determination which would soon be also visible on his legs, as with every passing second, your nails dug deeper and deeper into his skin. Shawn kept quiet, he was good, too good, you wanted him over the edge, you wanted him panting and moaning your name. He was taller, stronger than you, more composed and you wanted him a mess - that frown you've seen earlier, you wanted that again, to see him bite his lips and throw his head to back as his eyes fluttered closed no matter how hard he tried to contain himself. Before you got a chance to do anything, from behind him you heard a door open and slam closed, followed by a pair of determined heels clicking against the marble floor. You fisted a good amount of his shirt into your right hand and pushed down the lid so you could pull back and sit on your knees on the toilet. 'So not what you hand in mind'. You could see the regret in his eyes, but he was smiling, a crooked - What the fuck are you making me do - kind of grin and somehow, you figured you should make the best of the situation. You placed your pointed finger in front of your lips trying to hear whatever that person was doing and you almost burst into laughter when you heard them enter the stall next to you. As uncomfortable as it was, you bent down and took him again into your mouth with absolutely zero warning, and the moment your fingers brushed against his balls, Shawn's hand flew up to grab something. Unfortunate choice, as his fingers reached past the top, poking onto the other side of the wall that separated the stalls. "Hello?" you heard a masculine voice call and it took everything in you, but thanks to your teasing nature, you went on, sucking from between hallowed cheeks, leaving Shawn to deal with the consequences. "Sor-" he whimpered until his voice broke. He cleared his throat and threw his head back in desperation as you wouldn't give him a break, "Sorry" The more you took him down your throat and the more you pushed his buttons the harder it got to keep yourself silent. The morning against his cock were repressible, but you'd worked him up - precum and spit got everywhere and that was not in your power to control. Pulling away hurriedly, you took him in your palm and pumped along his cock hurriedly as you shuffled on your knees and pressed your lips to his base, ready to go lower. The movement of your hand slowed down as you shifted your concentration to the actions of your tongue, your fingers eventually stopping at his tip, your thumb rubbing over and along his slit. You heard a loud slap, and looking up curious, you saw Shawn's hand cover half his face. He looked down at you from between his fingers and his eyes begged. For something. He was lost. Forget the cheeks, his face was red and his sweat coated curls were now sticking to his forehead as he struggled to keep his eyes open and his breathing regulated. "'S good" you mouthed before taking his balls into your mouth again, unconsciously moaning, and moaning loudly. "Listen dude!" that same person from before yelled before slamming his fist against the thin wall, "I can't shit if someone jacking off right next to me!" You knew Shawn wasn't listening. His eyes showed the fact that was on another plane of existence right now, who knows what was going on through his head. At this point he wasn't even trying to keep quiet anymore, panting uncontrollably, whining out loud the things you put him through. Shawn grabbed the sides of your head, pulling your back with shaky hands, "I'm not gonna last much longer" "Good" you whispered, shaking your head, "Been waiting since last night" "Holy shit" he sighed, and you wrapped your lips around his tip again, letting his cock slide in your mouth, not caring about any kind of technique or precision anymore, he was done. You sucked hard and fast, until he reached his finish line, thrashed it, passed it, went over the edge and moaned it all out. He shook in your hold as his cum filled your mouth and you swallowed proudly until you had to pull away and end by pumping him in your hand. Jerky breaths followed as a few more drops slipped him his cock and onto your tongue and your palm did a few more laps along his length. "Don't ever make me have to keep quiet again" he threatened shaking, gathering his hair into his hand. "Nah" you shrugged, "I should've done better" Shawn shook his head as he let his weight slide from one wall to the other, allowing you to leave the stall. As you opened the door with absolutely no care in the world, your eyes first landed on the mirror which reflected the figure of the man that had supposedly been in the other stall. "Holy fuck-" you choked, backing away instantly. Your back collided against Shawn who was getting ready to clean himself up and follow you outside. "What?" he asked out loud. "That's the principal" you whispered enraged, slapping his side. "And what do you want me to do?" Shawn laughed, one hand on his dick, one crumbling toilet paper. "I thought he left" you mouthed barely audible as you stomped your foot against the floor. Shawn smiled, turning away and brushing his nose against your cheek trying to get you to turn your head towards him so he reach your lips, but you pulled away frowning. "What?" he looked at you confused. "I can't kiss you, I just sucked your dick, let me rinse my-" With a scoff, Shawn rolled his eyes and grabbed your chin. His lips slammed into yours with passion, his tongue making its way into your mouth instantly. You struggled to follow his lead for as long as you could but since you he took your by surprise, you were soon left without air and had to pull back. "No matter where you put that mouth, I'll still wanna kiss you" As you giggled, you heard the man walk past your door, "You kids have absolutely no manners" he yelled and then left the room. "Oh yeah, this is the teachers bathroom, I forgot to mention" "I figured" Shawn mumbled, buttoning his panties and following you outside. "What's next on the college experience thing?" He asked eagerly. "You're gonna take me home" you laughed. "What? What about you?" "Next time" you shrugged. "If you think what you're doing is noble, you're wrong, you're depriving me of pussy" "What the-" you jumped hearing him saw that out loud on the hallway. "Oh don't try to tell me you think that was obscene..." "It was very obscene" you laughed, shaking your head exaggerating your point. "We'll see" Shawn teased. The conversation continued in the same manner until he dropped you off at the coffee shop so you could take your own car that you left there the night before. As much as you hated that he wasn't coming to work that night, as excited you were about the fact that he had another performance scheduled for the day after, and until then, you just had to find a way to hide just how needy he left you.

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