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astermacguffin · 4 years ago

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The semantic logic of AMVs

I finally finished the post I promised to @katebushstandean , so here's my contribution to the blossoming field of spn amv studies.

In this post I made about fanworks and intertextuality, I argued that AMVs can be referred to as a "discourse between discourses." What I meant by that (and I elaborated on this in the post) can be summarized in this argument structure:

(1) AMVs are typically a dialogue/discourse between a song and a show/film.

(2) A song is already a discourse of its own (i.e. it's the dialogue between music and lyrics).

(2) A show/film is already a discourse of its own (i.e. it's the dialogue between the visual and auditory elements of the show/film).

I want to push this argument even further and argue for a more generalized theory of meaning that should (ideally) be applicable to any piece of media.

LAYING THE FOUNDATION

Let's start by analyzing at least just one medium at a time. Take music, for example. Without lyrics, how does music convey meaning at all? Now, I won't go too much into either music theory or the psychology/sociology of music (since I don't think I'll be able to give these subjects any justice anyway), but I want us to look at music more structurally/linguistically. (I am certainly not a linguist, but I am a training logician and I think it would be interesting to extract the logical/semantic relations that occur in music if we treat it as a "text".)

If we want to break down music into its smallest possible units of meaning (the same way we break down language into morphemes in morphology), then we would probably end up with notes, beats, and chords as our basic units (among other stuff, like timbre). Obviously, we cannot subject music to the same reductionist approach we do with either natural or formal languages (e.g. breaking down language into morphemes/propositions/subject-predicate relations/functions).

This is due to the fact that music doesn't really agree that much with the principle of compositionality��that "the meaning of the whole is a function of the meanings of its parts and their mode of syntactic combination." (If you disagree with Montague semantics, you might even argue that the same is true for natural languages and that only formal languages are truly compositional, but I digress). Generally, there is "more than the sum of its parts" when it comes to music; the meanings of a chord don't solely depend on the meanings of the individual notes that make up the chord.

Anyway, back to music and meaning-making.

Yip Harburg has this interesting quote on songwriting, which Adam Neely references here at this mark (15:29–16:10), a quote he originally got from Ben Levin. The quote says: "Music makes you feel feelings, lyrics make you think thoughts, songs make you feel thoughts." I think this quote best encompasses what I mean when I argue that songs are "discourses" of their own.

But even without the lyrics, music on its own is already "discursive." A single note played once doesn't really "mean" much, in the sense that we can't really gather as much meaning out of it alone. The note's relationships with other musical elements is what opens up the realms of meanings that we can attribute to it. (This concept is explored much better in here.)

The same thing is true with natural languages. Morphemes and words have meanings on their own, sure, but they don't really say that much on their own until you place them in a specific order with other morphemes/words. A single sentence is already a discourse between the units of meaning that compose the sentence.

I have been using the term "discourse" a lot, but what do I mean when I use the term? Without spending too much time explaining my own theory of discourse, let's define a discourse as a "series of discursive units." A discursive unit consists of two parts: a prompt and a response. What's important to know about responses in a discourse is that you won't really be able to fully grasp what they mean without knowing what the prompts are (i.e. what they are responding to).

When I describe song and lyrics as "discourses", what I think I really mean is that they are "discourse-like" (hence the description, "discursive"). The words of a sentence treat each other as their own prompts/responses; they're not as meaningful alone, but when taken together, meaning emerges. The same goes with music.

Taking this to a more macro scale, we can treat each episode of a show as their own discourses, and each episode "responds" to the others in some way. The harmonies, tensions, and contradictions that emerge from the "conversations" between these episodes are what we often respond to when we make fanworks (fanart, fanfics, meta, and the likes).

Generally, there are two kinds of "conversations" that happens within and among pieces of media:

The intra-discursive (the conversations that happen within a single text, like how a show's episodes converse with each other), and;

The inter-discursive (also called the intertextual, or the conversations that happen between different texts).

Now that we have established these terms and concepts, we're FINALLY talking about AMVs.

THE DEAL WITH AMVS

I've already touched upon this in my intertextuality post, but it's worth repeating. What I believe AMVs do is reveal the intra-discursive using the inter-discursive. What this means is that by making the subject text converse with other texts (e.g. by making clips from Supernatural "dialogue" with a song of your choice), you are somehow extracting the implicit discourses present in the original text.

When we talk about fanworks (and transformative works in general), we often talk about it in terms of recontextualization, as well as adding something new that wasn't there in the original text (e.g. fix-its). But a neglected aspect of fanworks that I believe AMVs bring to light is the revelatory power of fanworks, like the way it makes the people (may it be the audience or the original creators) confront the implications and implicit meanings already present in the text.

(Learn more about the semantic logic of AMVs below the cut)

Another interesting thing that AMVs do is that it often makes the subject text subservient to the song. More often than not, it's the show that has to adjust to the song; it's the show that has to be sliced and diced in order to fit the song. This is simultaneously a form of violence and a form of liberation—violent in the sense that goes against authorial intent (with "author" here used loosely to refer to the forces that brought the piece to life, may it be a single person or an entire production team) and liberating in the sense that the latent or supressed narratives are brought to light.

Even before the AMV is done, this discursive process is already made explicit by the act of editing. In most editing softwares, you get to see the timeline of your material and an explicit divide between the audio and the visual elements. The audio stream is already a discourse of its own, and the same goes with the video stream.

When you vertically slice these juxtaposed streams and cut out a portion of it, you now have what I call a "semantic moment" locked in time. We can imagine the audio being divided into these little semantic moments (e.g. the chords, a key change, a shift in dynamics or tempo, etc.) and something similar can be said with the video (e.g. vital scenes in the show). Now, a semantic moment doesn't have to be special or eventful; in fact, most of them aren't. In fact, all of experience is nothing but a series of semantic moments (i.e. moments of extractable meaning).

Now, imagine an AMV playing in front of you right now. Let's represent the audio as a series of semantic moments from A1 to An and do something similar to the video, from V1 to Vn. If we represent the flow of time from left to right, then we can talk abstractly about experiencing an AMV like this:

A1-A2-A3-A4-A5...-An

V1-V2-V3-V4-V5...-An

Every moment of our experience of the AMV can be divided into a series like this. AMVs are art objects that unfold over time: they are temporal, and therefore we cannot immediately access all parts of the semantic "discourse" of the text all at once—we have to wait for them to happen.

Let's say I want to analyze Semantic Moment number 6 because something interesting happens there: the chord suddenly shifts into a minor key while at the same time, the video shows a character turning their back to the camera. Now, there are three possible ways to handle this (none of which are mutually exclusive; we usually perform these modes of analysis simultaneously):

Vertical analysis - analyzing the discourse between A6 and V6. What meanings are brought up when we take these two elements in conjunction? What associations do we have with minor keys, with people turning around, and how these associations influence the other?

Horizontal analysis - analyzing the discourse between A6 and its earlier counterparts, A1-A5, or between V6 and V1-V5. Earlier, we have discussed that a single chord or a single word on its own doesn't mean that much; it's their relationships with other elements that bring out their "meaning space." What "narratives" or "metaphorical gestures" are brought upon when you consider these semantic moments as discourses/texts as a whole?

Diagonal analysis - analyzing the discourse between A6 and V1-V5, or between V6 and A1-A5. Here, you make the semantic moment converse with the "history" of its counterpart. What are the events that happened in the earlier parts? For example, knowing that the earlier parts of the song were in major key before the turn-around scene might influence our reading of it. Similarly, knowing that the earlier scenes depict a happy relationship might influence how we read the minor shift.

Again, we often do these analytic slices as quick as possible (and often simultaneously); it's not something that we often do consciously (unless the subject text is actually that dense and difficult). It's instinctual to us to bring up these comparisons and engage with the explicit and implicit discourses of meaning happening with any kind of text we interact with.

Now, here's where it gets more complicated. Unless the AMV in question is just a scene lifted from the show and overlaid with a song, it would usually involve a bunch of cutting and joining between different scenes/episodes. What this means is that you're taking an already temporal object and reassembling it into a new order in time. This means that we might've initially thought of as V1-V2-V3-V4-V5...Vn might actually be V3-V1-V6-V19-V8...Vn or some other permutation.

Again, this process is simultaneously violent and liberating—violent because you are destroying its intended order, and liberating because you are negating the tyranny of linearity and contiguity. What I mean by this is that people tend to focus on the discourse of the semantic moments depending on how close they are in space and time. For example, we might focus on how V1 is in dialogue with V2 and how V2 is in dialogue with V3, but the farther the semantic moments are, the less likely we are to notice their discourse.

What AMV editors do is rebel against the tyranny of this habit and bring into light the connections that might have gone unnoticed without the intervention. We often talk about how certain fanworks are more analytical than transformative (e.g. fanfics that function more as character studies and meta analyses of the source text), and there certainly is a spectrum of this among different genres of fanworks. I believe that AMVs, no matter how transformative they are, cannot help but invoke a certain analyticity in their production and reception.

And that concludes my AMV essay. I'll probably add more to this when I gather more thoughts (like how these three posts are related in some way).

Lemme know if y'all wanna hear more about my theory of discourse or something else related. Support your content creators and reblog!

#spn #spn amv studies #long post #aster writes

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lucemferto · 4 years ago

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WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT TECHNOBLADE (or A Narrative Analysis of the Dream SMP Doomsday Event) - Script

Heyo! Per request I am posting the script to my video of the same name here on tumblr. I must warn you that just reading the script will probably not give you the full experience, so I would encourage you to watch the video (linked above).

There might also still be a lot of grammatical errors in the text, because I don’t proofread.

Okay, so! I don’t want this to turn into a reaction channel OR a Dream SMP channel for that matter! I am planning on doing a big dumb, way too long analysis video on the Dream SMP which will – at my current pace – come out in five years. I am already way too late on this one.

Spoiler Alert for the Doomsday Event that took place on the 6th of January in the Dream SMP. Surely the worst thing to take place on the 6th of January 2021 … I’m sorry, what’s this about the Capitol?

In case you don’t watch the SMP and need context: The Dream SMP is a Minecraft Multiplayer Server, that, throughout the last year, has transformed from a normal Let’s Play to an ongoing new-media series streamed by multiple high-profile streamers such as Dream, TommyInnit or Technoblade. It comes complete with script – by which I mean loose bullet points – and story events. It has attracted a large fanbase specifically invested in the story and less so in the actual gameplay content. Like I said before, I will probably do a big video on the Dream SMP at some point in the future.

The storyline is long and complicated and trying to explain it all would take up the majority of the video and there are other channels who have already done a much better job than I could ever hope to do, so give them a watch. I’ll try to summarize all that is pertinent to what I will talk about in this video.

Okay, let’s speedrun this summary. Cue the music!

Major Players here are TommyInnit, a founder of the independent nation of L’Manburg, Technoblade, an anarchist who was deep in conflict with L’Manburg, Tubbo, Tommy’s best friend and current president of L’Manburg, and Dream, the ruler of the Kingdom of the Dream SMP (even though he is not the king, but we’re not going to get into that right now). Tommy had in the past been exiled by Tubbo for endangering L’Manburg’s shaky peace with the Dream SMP. Tommy had then teamed up with Technoblade, who was hellbent on destroying L’Manberg after some prior altercations – more on that later.

Tommy and Tubbo came into conflict during a festival set-up to celebrate the friendship between L’Manburg and the Dream SMP. After punching out their feelings, Tommy came to the realization that his friendship with Tubbo was more important than his vendetta against Dream and those who exiled him. Techno took that change of heart badly and teamed up with Dream to destroy L’Manburg … and that’s exactly what happened.

Techno and Dream, with little to no opposition, obliterated L’Manburg with no hope for recovery leaving its inhabitants stranded hopeless and alone.

… And that’s what you missed on Dream SMP!

Okay. So, usually I just put whatever thought slime drips out of my mouth hole into your subscription box. But then I asked myself: “Am I not taking this a largely improvised nonsense story from a bunch of 16–24-year-olds a little too seriously?”. And then I remembered. I’m a pretentious bitch. I made an 18-minute video explaining why the popular commentary YouTuber memeulous is secretly the time travelling Anti-Christ, REASON HAS NO SWAY OVER ME!

So, like the English Major drop-out that I am, I will present you with two theses, which I will then combine into one … supratheses! That word doesn’t exist, I just coined it, it’s mine! I am very smart!

[I know words, I have the best words!]

Thesis #1: The Fandom focuses too much on Character Analysis in Favour of Narrative Analysis

The Dream SMP is truly something special. It is uniquely singular in how it tells a story of this scope through its chosen medium. While there is an overarching script that lays out the plot points of the future, each of the 30+ streamers on the SMP are their own cameraman, director, writer and actor. You cannot watch “the Dream SMP” – if you attempted that, you would be 80 by the time you caught up to the Doomsday Event. You have to choose whom to watch. You have to choose your focal point character.

Because by the way the story is told and consumed – aka in such a compartmentalized fashion; you watch one streamer and get one character’s perspective – it has sort-of unintentionally conditioned fans to look at the SMP and its characters less as one coherent story with messages and themes and more as sports teams they can root for. You’re Team Techno or Team Tubbo or Team Tommy or Team JackManifoldTV (formerly known as Thunder1408) and every other side is in the wrong! It’s like Twilight for a decade old children’s game about virtual Lego!

Okay, I’m exaggerating, but the amount of discourse perpetuated by and revolving around so-called “apologists” – a terrible term that unfortunately has caught on – is really not something that I think is good for how we interact with the story of the Dream SMP.

The Dream SMP is discussed a lot on character-based level, which is, like I said before, hugely advantaged by the way the story is consumed by its audience. With traditional, visual media such as film for example, the audience can be made more aware of what messages the narrative might try to communicate on a narrative level without the need for an explicit narrator to tell you the moral.

As an example, in a movie you could have a smash-cut from the Butcher Army’s discussions about neutralizing the danger Technoblade poses to Techno being nice around villagers or taking care of animals. This would communicate on an extradiegetic level, that the Butcher Army is in the wrong with their assumptions. Alternatively, you could contrast Techno’s declarations that power corrupts and that Tubbo’s administration is cruel with Tubbo choosing not to punish Ranboo for his association with Techno – thus the narrative would communicate that Techno’s view of Tubbo and by extension the government is one-sided and not true to reality.

Stuff like that helps the viewer understanding a story holistically and manages to communicate stuff like themes and morals without having to solely rely on in-character logic and argumentation, which, as Ghostbur put it so eloquently, is comprised of a bunch of unreliable narrators.

Character analysis is great if we want dive deep, if we really want to give a character flavour and understand their motivations. It helps make the universe feel like it is alive, like it’s real. But – and this might be a shocker for you – it’s not real. It’s written. It is construction – and as such, in its construction, it has messages and themes and morals, intentionally or unintentionally.

By being so focused on specific characters and their individual journeys, viewpoints and motivation we really run the risk of not looking at the bigger picture and fail to see what the overarching narrative is actually communicating. And we may also fail to understand how characters might or might not fit into the overarching narrative.

Speaking of which …

Thesis #2: Technoblade experiences very little Meaningfultm Thematic Conflict

Okay, let’s talk about Technoblade. I’m sure I’m not going to get any hate for this one.

I want to preface by saying that I don’t watch Technoblade’s streams; I catch up though clip channels and summaries. I’m mainly watching Tommy, Tubbo and Quackity – which is honestly already more than I can handle – but I want to be clear that while I’ll try to be as even-handed as possible – like I explained previously – the way I consumed the storylines will undoubtedly leave me with some bias.

Also, needless to say, I’m talking about the character Technoblade, not the actual content creator, unless I specifically say so. That should be obvious.

Now, I’m not doing a Technoblade character analysis, because that would be hypocritical of me – seeing how I just bitched about the overwhelming amounts of character analyses in the fandom – but I’ll try my best to summarize what is necessary.

Technoblade’s interesting in that he is a very static character – at least inwardly – he doesn’t change much. He is very steadfast in his beliefs and ideals and has very little introspection. He doesn’t question himself; he doesn’t waver, he is never in a bind about whether what he’s doing is right or wrong. He is very much a parallel to early TommyInnit – who, of course, famously said “I’m always in the right”.

And I want to emphasize that I mean this in no way as a critique of Techno’s character. A static character provides a nice contrast to more dynamic characters and can balance them out. It can also be utilised by the writing as a character flaw – which is what I hope content creator Techno is going for.

Like Techno doesn’t have a lot of empathy in the sense that he is particularly skilled at or interested in trying to see the viewpoints of others. There is never an attempt to reconcile, for example, the goal of the Pogtopians to reclaim L’Manberg and install another administration with his desire for an anarchist society. This is also compounded with his overreliance on violence as the only tactic for conflict resolution – Techno has a whole thesis statement about violence being the only universal language. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote.

And lastly, what really drives this all over the edge, is his all-or-nothing approach when dealing with the enemy – he is not so much eye for an eye as he is – to use another biblical example – you make fun of me for being bald and I’ll sic two bears on you that maul and kill you and 41 other children.

There’s also the open and completely unacknowledged hypocrisy of a self-described anarchist working together with a man that installs and dethrones Kings with his every whim – someone who – and I cannot stress this enough – hits about every box when it comes to the definition of tyrant.

So, what I’m saying is that Technoblade is the Dream SMP equivalent of Dick Chenney. C’mon you know it’s true! He will bomb that freedom into your country whether you want him to or not. That’s some cogent political commentary in the year 2021.

Okay, so now that I’ve outlined his character, what kind of conflicts does Technoblade face. Well, it’s mostly physical or external. He fights a lot whether it’s against Quackity or Sapnap or bodying Karl Jacobs five times in a row. And – with the exception of maybe Sapnap – none of it is challenging. Technoblade is the best PvP-Player on the server – there really isn’t much tension to be had from a purely physical fight.

So, how are these fights supplemented emotionally. Well, internally there is not a lot going on. As I said before, Technoblade isn’t really an introspective character. Even during his shouting match with Tommy there’s not a sense that Technoblade is wavering or unsure of himself in the way that Tommy is. He exposits that one of the reasons, he acts like he does is that he feels dehumanized; that people only use him like a weapon and then discard or even try to neutralize him once he’s no longer useful.

But that is not something that Technoblade has to grapple with – it’s not conflict for him, it’s more conflict for Tommy. Technoblade is self-assured in that he’s a person and not a weapon – it’s almost like there was a character arc there, where Technoblade self-actualizes and breaks away from the people that want to use him. But we didn’t see any of it. Technoblade unleashes the withers; then he goes into retirement because he wants to be, I suppose, and then he returns to violence as a reaction to the Butcher Army. There is a story of vengeance here, but not any conflict about being used. There is never a point where we see Technoblade come to this realization or comes to assert himself.

In season 1 there’s never a push from Pogtopia where the narrative frames them as exploiting Technoblade. He fights with them of his own volition, he gives them weapons and armour of his own volition. Nobody pressured Techno into procuring their inventory for the fight. And in Season 2, he’s the one to approach Tommy about their potential partnership – he is in the position of power here, explicitly not Tommy.

Like, I’m sorry, if this ruffles some feathers, but I really don’t see this arc where Technoblade is being used. There’s a story of misunderstanding and maybe co-dependency – but not of dehumanization. This entire line of thought seems to solely reference that moment, where Tommy says to Sapnap “I have the blade” during one of their wars – which, to base an entire emotional arc around that without any further set-up, is, and I’m sorry to say that, incredibly flimsy.

Okay, so we covered physical and emotional conflict? But what about conflict on the narrative level? Well, that leads me to my suprathesis …

Suprathesis: The Narrative is Unclear on how it treats Technoblade … and that’s Not Good.

Here’s a Hot Take: The narrative of Season 1 treats Technoblade way less sympathetically than that of season 2.

Let me explain. The narrative of Season 1 revolves mostly around Wilbur and Tommy. The emotional fulcrum of the overall narrative is Wilbur’s rise and fall from Grace – and Tommy succeeding him as symbol of L’Manberg’s “special”-ness. Now I will talk about all that more in detail, when I talk about Season 1 of the Dream SMP. So, you’ll just have to go with me on this one for now.

Technoblade, by contrast, doesn’t really have much going on thematically in Season 1. He mostly exists as a sort-of utilitarian character – he is an accessory to make story beats happen. Like him executing Tubbo doesn’t open up any sort of thematic conflict involving him – on a character level it sets up antipathy between him and Tommy and it grants us some insight into how he operates with his violence speech – but on a larger-scale narrative level it really just shows how far Wilbur and Tommy have drifted apart in how they react to the event.

His biggest contribution is during the Season 1 finale, but even there he plays second fiddle to Wilbur. Not just because Wilbur does way more destruction with his explosion than Techno does with his Withers, but also because Wilbur had an emotional and thematic climax to his arc and by extension the entire storyline. Like Techno’s is a cool moment and very epic visual but in terms of thematic relevance, his Theseus-speech is really more set-up for Season 2.

And Season 1 is very unambiguous about L’Manberg being good and Tommy’s ideals ultimately being morally justified – I mean, they have a whole speech about it in the end and it was built-up throughout the entire Season – Techno is cast in a … less than sympathetic light. He is, if not a villain, then definitely an antagonist.

But with Season 2 the narrative is either uninterested in or not very clear on exploring Technoblade’s flaws.

Like ask yourselves: is Technoblade’s character ever consciously challenged by the narrative? Are his actions ultimately shown to not be in the right? Are his beliefs about government and power ever called into question? Are the negative consequences that his actions cause ever shown to be larger than the “good” he does?

I think what exemplifies this the most is how the Butcher Army event played out on December 16th. Now, during that event, the Butcher Army, which was comprised of Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy and Ranboo, managed to apprehend Technoblade, who at that point was living the quiet retirement life, and tried to have him publicly executed – without trial.

Now, smarter people than me have pointed out that the Butcher Army had a bevy of in-character reasons that can justify or explain their actions. And that’s definitely interesting, but as I said before, I want to get away from that and look into how the Butcher Army is treated on a narrative level. Because this is one of the few instances where the otherwise grey-loving Season 2 has some very clear narrative intent when it comes to morality.

The Butcher Army is very deliberately framed as almost cartoonishly corrupt and violent. They very forcefully investigate Philza, mock him and then put him under house arrest – and there’s just no remorse in the script even from normally sympathetic characters like Tubbo.

Compare and contrast with the Tommy-exile scene, which is also an act of moral ambiguity and is treated as such. And things get even worse once the Army arrives at Technoblade’s abode and attack him after he softly tells them that he has left that live behind him. They then proceed to take his horse hostage, mock him and execute him without fair trial – and I haven’t seen it but from live commentary I gathered that Techno really played up the whole softie-schtick before the Butcher Army arrived. I mean, before the big Technoblade vs Quackity fight, Quackity had whole villain monologue for Christ’s sake.

And even afterwards, the Butcher Army really plays up the corrupt angle with Tubbo proposing a festival as a guise to publicly execute someone. And again, I know that on an intradiegetic there’s nuances and it’s not really comparable to the Red Festival, but in combination with what the audience has seen up until that point and with how much it feeds into the already established themes of history repeating itself and becoming like your predecessors, it really does not paint a pretty picture of the Tubbo administration.

You can feel the heavy hand of the script on your shoulder, which is a feat seeing how – as discussed before – that’s not something that can be easily accomplished in this medium.

And that is what I mean when I say that Technoblade is not really challenged by the script and is in this case even emboldened by it. Because after this whole ordeal the thought of Technoblade taking revenge by destroying L’Manberg doesn’t seem like such an extreme response to the viewer – even though in my opinion, it is.

As of right now it is too early to say how the narrative will judge Technoblade’s actions in the future. Will they be framed as extreme but ultimately justified or perpetuating a cycle of ever-escalating vengeance? Will we ever see a government that’s not just at best misguided and at worst completely awful?

Ultimately, I believe and hope that Technoblade will be challenged by the narrative, mostly because a character that cannot, believably, be physically challenged, who doesn’t have any meaningful internal conflict about what he’s doing; and who does come out on the other side having everything he always believed in be proven completely in the right by the narrative, would be incredibly boring. Not just to watch but also to play as.

As it stands now, if the destruction Techno, Phil and Dream inflicted upon L’Manburg is framed as ultimately in the right, I would find it personally a distasteful message to send. I would ultimately say that the “correct” way to counter corruption in government is to completely obliterate the entire country. Like we’re not talking simply disbanding the government – that’s not what Doomsday was – we’re talking complete and utter annihilation. And that would be cynical and depressing. Like, call me a big softie, but even bothsidesing this argument would be bad.

Like, I’m not calling for Technoblade to be transformed into or treated a monster like Dream. But I personally feel like the narrative needs to acknowledge that the Doomsday was something that was taken way too far and that it ultimately brought more harm than good. And Technoblade needs to held accountable by someone who is not a cartoonishly corrupt government-official or who is in conflict with him anyway, like Tommy.

I thought Philza or Ranboo could do that but seeing how their storylines are progressing I don’t believe that will be the case. But who knows, maybe Captain Puffy will come through for us. We stan a Queen.

Conclusion

So, yeah, I made this entire video just to air out my grievances with how one-sided the mode of analysis is in the fandom, because no person actually involved with the production of Dream SMP will ever see this.

But after everything I am cautiously optimistic, that content creator Technoblade knows what he’s doing. He has talked in the past about how his character is a bad guy and he loves his Greek myths. After all what’s more Greek myth than hybris being rewarded with punishment? [Technoblade never dies] That bodes well for him.

Also, this isn’t the video I promised at the end of the last one!

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nomoregoldfish · 4 years ago

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I Promised You The Moon rant

Just binged it and this was from the episode by episode reaction/discussion with my partner in crime @glossyboy.

First of all, Oab stole the show, singlehandedly, which he's not supposed to. I don't think anyone expected it including himself. In the very top post when I searched his name on tumblr, he said this lol

But the truth is he played one hell of "villain" that required a very nuanced performance and he delivered it in a believable and graceful manner. Jai became the catalyst of the entire season and his rather complicated relationship with Teh was the highlight of part 2.

EP 1

From the very beginning it's clear that part 2 is very much a Teh's story rather than a balanced story about two young people's journey as a couple in the next chapter of their lives. It makes me uncomfortable they made Oh-aew clingy and pessimistic without giving him any character development.

The best part is probably the opening scene where they went paper-rock-scissors to decide who's gonna buy condoms. It felt authentic, the expectation, the hesitation, the mischievous act, all fits their characters well. Other times ep 1 was more like two adult kids playing house, literally in an empty giant ass upper middle class apartment.

EP 2

It's great that they poked the femininity vs. masculinity issue through Oh-aew, but stopped right there at the surface. Missed a perfect opportunity to go head-to-head with the controversial topic, start a debate, crush the stigma of femininity, bring something new, be a real game changer of the BL genre, and most importantly give Oh-aew some concrete character development. Part 1 showed us a gay character that's very comfortable with his sexuality and femininity, that's almost revolutionary in Asia, not as a comic relief but a leading role. Oh-aew questioned his own sexual identity once in that bra wearing scene, it's straight out of comfort zone, BOLD, and transgressive. So I expected more from part 2.

That's it? And they're already sophomores? Can't believe Oh-aew's character has been marginalized like this. It's pathetic.

But I love the brutally honest conversation at the end where Teh vented his rage and despair regarding his frustration of acting. He was acting like a dick because he's disappointed, and scared. Teh again was not afraid of showing vulnerability, making the reconciliation very realistic and touching.

EP 3

Dare I say I freaking love ep 3! The unresolved (partially sexual, but not entirely) tension between Teh and Jai was over the roof! And the built-up to their kiss was very authentic, which paled Teh and Oh-aew's much sidelined storyline, including the long anticipated sex scene (still can't believe it happened right after Jai explicitly instructed Teh to do it after the two spent a whole night bonding, like wow! Totally TRANSGRESSIVE and to some extent, kinky.) Teh looked up to the senior, idolized him, wanted to be good for him and make him proud, thirsted for the validation from him, which was mixed with affections. The workshop diary was a brilliant idea to let them open up to each other and eventually bring them close. This was what a meaningful arc of a story looked like. By contrast, there isn't a single moment between Oh-aew and Teh in part 2 that made me go "Damn it's soooooo hot!"

I know Jai/Teh wasn't the endgame but I appreciate the storyline so much. It's a very bold move considering it broke the over-glorified "one true love in one's life" fantasy of its target audience, mostly young cis women. The popular narrative of "you can only love one person through your life/one true love" in romance fictions/chick flicks was totally smashed. And it wasn't written just to stir up things between Teh and Oh-aew, it wasn't a silly fling. Instead, it's meaningful, complicated, natural, and realistic, delivered by nuanced and excellent acting from two young actors. It's hilarious that fans hate Jai with a passion and call him names.

And big news, Jai is bi?! Bravo! He's radiating bi vibes since his first appearance.

I kind of gave up at this point, the season wouldn't do Oh-aew any justice. Like my partner in crime pointed out, the costume design literally threw some "incongruous female fashion pieces" on Oh-aew, made him dye his hair red, without...making any actual point of his personality or his character development. Wardrobe was supposed to make a point in storytelling. Yes, PP wearing pink is cute, and? There's nothing else for Oh-aew. Unfortunately he's reduced to this sulky, crying, and wronged partner in a failing relationship.

EP 4

Oab again was killing it. The tension between Jai and Teh...from the rehearsal in front of Oh-aew to the dressing room pep talk, was incredibly intense and hot AF.

Was it a manipulative relationship after all? Oab was so good at conveying a character with many faces. Jai's a mentor to Teh, also a good friend, their relationship was genuine. He's also ambitious with his own goals, he used, challenged, provoked Teh in a way that benefited them both. It made sense the title of part 2, I Promised You The Moon, was from Jai's script. He promised Teh what the junior wanted the most, a bright future in acting. Teh's unconventional and unspoken feelings for Jai was the best part of the entire season in terms of creative writing, it's complicated, fragile, delicate and completely heartbreaking.

The after talk in the hallway was so well-written. It's funny (Teh joking about playwrights always write about their EXs is gold), intimate yet meticulously controlled, no one lashed out or wept. Both knew what they signed up for and Jai particularly made it clear about his motive and the purpose of the "special workshop" beforehand (or right away.) Yet it's no one's fault that Teh got carried away. He's younger, he's immature, he's more into it, it's totally natural. It's so romantic when Teh's singing karaoke in the bar with Oh-aew, yet he couldn't help but desperately staring at Jai on the floor, knowing he and the man who just turned him down were never gonna happen, they were done, but he's still madly attracted to him and his talent. He fancied Jai, at least the idea of Jai, a playwright, a director, someone knew him better than himself. That hurt beautifully.

EP 5

Teh/Oh-aew endgame at this point was pretty meaningless. Oh-aew as a leading character never got any solid character development over a span of four years. What happened between Jai and Teh wasn't just "cheating", though they surely made it look that way, like Teh's empty promise of "I won't see him again after the show ends". No matter how Oh-aew and Teh eventually reconciled, there's no emotional connection, no sparkle anymore between the couple.

But I knew for a fact they had to. Otherwise it's too much of a risk financially for the series. The creators had to take the easy way out like most traditional romances—one of the most contrived and formulaic trope where the male leading character made a mistake (usually cheating) and realized he's wrong, he deeply hurt the female leading character (Oh-aew was merely a girl substitute in part 2), then he completely changed for hell knew what reasons, started doing every nicest thing in the world to try to "win" the female character back. It has been feeding the emotionally-deprived cis female readers/audience who are frustrated with heterosexual relationship irl for decades. The formula that made romance outsell other genres of fictions combined in the 60s and 70s still sells today, under the name of boys' love. It's pathetic to see Oh-aew confess to Bas that he always "lost" to Teh. Love shouldn't be some kind of game or competition, there isn't winner or loser in love. Love is spontaneous. Oh-aew didn't lose because Teh developed feelings for someone else, and he didn't win when Teh begged him for reconciliation. People change, people move on.

And as predicted, they went for it. The ending was so absurd and tedious.

Overall, Jai's probably the hardest villain to play, he needed to be REALLY GOOD to be "the bad guy", to make his role conceivable. Oab absolutely nailed it with his talent and experience. He's not even my type or extremely good looking yet I'm 100% SOLD. I immediately re-watched the scene of him kissing Teh back hungrily at the end of ep 3 like I used to re-watch Teh/Oh-aew's steamy make out session at the end of episode 3 part 1. Coincidence?

I like some parts of both seasons for the same reason, each challenged and tried to break some outdated/contrived narratives in the BL genre. Part 1 took on the sexuality taboo by showing two same sex characters sexually attracted to each other, no more "I'm not into boys, I just happened to fall for someone of the same gender" or "pure love" bullshit. By staying true to the characters' sexuality and actually showing it with explicit, intense (and beautifully shot) scenes, the gay characters were normalized. They weren't just pure and innocent, no one was. And it created two of most unconventional gay characters in Asian pop culture, Oh-aew, a beautiful boy who's very comfortable with his own sexuality and femininity, not passive at all, taking initiative to pursue what he wanted; and Teh, a sensitive, caring and vulnerable boy who cried a lot, he's confused but also sweet and brave.

Part 2 tackled the "You can only love one person through your life" trope with a very nuanced story of "cheating". Yet neither carried out what they started. Part 1 fell short of a revolutionary piece that stayed true to "adolescent sexual turmoil", dismissing bisexuality and becoming a typical unrealistic BL fantasy in the end. And Part 2, ugh, forced a "happy ending" that almost no one digs. I understand it's extremely difficult and risky to disrupt the established norms of a genre. But sometimes being transgressive and progressive could be the same thing. A story, an artwork, has to challenge something in order to create something new and compelling.

#i promise you the moon #i told sunset about you #ipytm #oab oabnithi #billkin #pp krit #rant post #asian lgbtq dramas #lgbtq #i promised you the moon

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justformyself2 · 5 years ago

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Notting Hill.

A/N: Wow, who also need a good story to be pumped for the apocalypse? raise your hand please!

Not really sure if you guys know about this story, but June 27,2020 is the date, look it up lol. You know what else we could be doing before going to hell once for all for lusting so much over John Krasinski?

Sign this Petitions and donate if possible:

Justice for Elijah McClain

Elijah McClain donation

Justice for Miguel

Ways to Help and more petitions to sign.

BLACK LIVES MATTER NOW AND ALWAYS.

Well, now that i said what i said, let me finish by telling you, this is an important story for me. The past months have been extremely rough and i struggled like never before to fight for something i love to do not be consumed by dark thoughts, regardless of the past, i’m proud to be posting this right now, no matter how long it took for me and how minimal it may seem, goddamn i feel happy to create and write, and for you guys, in whatever you need to do, dream of doing, don’t let dark thoughts guide you into staying stuck, shine, do what you love, we all have the capacity.

This is my participation on my friend’s @lullabieswrappedinlies rom-com writing challenge (go check her out, she is so damn creative and amazing)

This story is based on the movie Notting Hill and will be added on my masterlist. or tell me you want to be tagged if you want to keep up.

BEFORE YOU JUMP IN BE ADVISED

. Pairing: Reader x John Krasinski.

. It contains strong language.

. Click here for soundtrack of movie if you are in your feelings today

JOHN’S POV

“John, we will be ready in five.”

“Ok.”

I press the phone once again against my ear, listening to her heavy sigh. It is easy to mold her face into my brain with dexterity. The bushy eyebrows, casting a shadow under piercing blue eyes, seeking to grab my soul, she succeeding to combine it all with a condescending smile on her lips. Condescension which I have to kiss it off.

“Well, if you want to go, then go.”

Deep down, she was still trying, and I can’t take that for granted.

“I don’t want to go. I need to go, an enormous difference. It’s work.”

I aim to be the diplomatic debater, the mediator, and the opponent. She is better than me at being the third party, perfecting the act of passive-aggressiveness in chosen phrases, fuming through her nose on the other side of the line. An act I wish to interpret as a genuine breathed laugh with no second intentions; my five minutes seemed to multiply.

“Call you later?”

I say.

“Yes.”

She answers

“Love you.”

She hanged up.

--------

Y/N POV

“This book is so weird and sexist, holy shit.”

You put the phone down, and Nova throws another eighties romance book into the cardboard box with its copies.

“Language.” You sing at her in a scolding tone.

“Sorry.” She sings back. “But you know I’m right. They are always pairing a young girl with some fifty years old, control freak who prey on them with their big, strong, tan hands.”

You giggle, and she looks satisfied.

Regardless of the narrative that anyone could quickly review, it was ‘in’ right now, as Agnes said, and what her bookclub wanted. “Un plaisir coupable.” she completed; the thin red lines that were her lips stretched in a laugh, causing her blue contacts to squint.

Soon enough, the scavenging for the material began, and you found the yellow pages, delivered with weird smells, phone numbers, and addresses written on the inside of the covers, but still readable.

“They paid and are coming to pick them up tomorrow. It’s the only thing I care about right now. Also, don’t let her catch you saying that you hear me? I will help finish this then we can close before your mom shows up and kill me when she finds out you are here.”

You move from behind the counter, seeing the digital hour hit past ten pm on the laptop.

“Oh, don’t worry about that, she already knows.”

The unconcerned Nova grabs a box, and you grab another following her quick steps, twisting to the right almost at the end of the hall, entering a room that was once a decent private office before it became nonfunctional.

The reserved bookshelf for Agnes club waited empty, a last-minute metal book rack next to the bay window. To create an illusion of a comfortable place for a book club, orange curvy chairs, which Alexis begged to be thrown out, along with the red Arabic carpet left behind with the chairs by the old owner. Every time you enter the space taking a deep, immediate, frustrated breath, Alexis wins a point.

You place the box down, looking at your niece.

“Kyle?”

You ask, and Nova hums softly, doing the stocking job.

Kyle, more than a name it was first a banned topic usually discussed between a limited couple of sentences. His name was a warning, along with his unrequested presence at random, unannounced times. It became harder since Nova wasn’t at a manageable age anymore. It was tough at fifteen, and as the time passes by, sweetness gains the bitterness, and innocence, gone.

“Well, you know you will always have a second bed, Donkey misses you.”

You gain a laugh while she finishes her box.

“Oh God, can’t believe you still keep him there.”

You shrug impulsively, paying attention to your own hands, arranging the books and their horizontal titles on a pile.

“It was your favorite toy, why would I throw it away?”

“You know why.”

A pause and a deep breath came from her, triggering the thought, long forgotten about, that people still expected you to be mourning over material remains.

“It’s okay to throw away with the rest of the others, it’s been a long time.”

Her auburn hair was now being tied in a bun. Your fifteen-year-old niece, holding a peaceful outside appearance, didn’t mind sounding more mature than you wanted to admit.

“Good... then we can donate, not throw it away.”

“Even better.”

She agrees quickly, stomping on the empty cardboard box.

Nova turns out the lights as you awaited for her, leaning against the glass door on the entrance, blowing hot humid air into your cold fingers and watching over nothing other than a middle-aged man with a red beanie walking a Greyhound on the other side of the empty street.

Notting Hill wasn’t known for its nightlife. It was almost a deserted city by eight and in the light of day, Portobelo Rode fruit market brings it to life. On weekdays, stalls and its hay baskets, packed with succulent fruits and greens, filled the streets along with shouted invites, half prices and sweet-soured smells invading each corner; on weekends the baskets shape-shifted to antiques of all kinds, genuine or handmaid, the crowd and the stalls multiplied in the small village.

In-between buyers and sellers of what you could harvest or find in your gramma’s basement there was your store, a bookstore, one corner away from your home, squeezed in the middle of Linda’s cafe and a self-employed yoga instructor that recently rented Mr. Walsh’s house, a retired Navy who moved to Greenwich with his daughter-in-law three weeks ago; his red door house now held a big white plaque with ‘Sivananda Yoga’ written in cursive gold letters, phone number and social media included under the picture of a woman in the lotus posture.

“A yoga studio, nice!” Says Nova, coming closer to the four steps leading up to the red door.

You close the store and covers her shoulders with your arm when the icy wind started building up.

“We could try it someday, your mom-.”

“Hates trying new things.” She completed. “Don’t even bother.”

“That is where you are the wrong baby. It may seem like this now, but I wish you could have seen your mom in her prior days. Wow... She was glorious.”

The feeling of wandering eyes aiming at your face became stronger as you carried her along the street under your embrace.

“Before my dad, I guess.”

A tiny part of your soul lighten up, recognizing itself in your niece’s words, but there was no place to fuel her fiery tone.

“To be honest, I don’t know, but people change Nova, everyone eventually, even the ones we thought we had figured out, including ourselves.”

“Whatever, I don’t want him back in the house again if she puts him back, I’m moving with you.”

The decisiveness in her voice sent bad vibrations along your back.

Unusual memory mechanism. Alexis visited your mind, vivid as if you could see her across the street you were crossing, she waiting and shivering at your front door because you forgot the spare key in the store again.

After the scolding she would show a rose-colored box from Fincher’s cafe under her arm, comporting the most amazing banoffee pie, your favorite pie from your favorite place.

Fincher’s cafe, that was once located two blocks away from where you two lived was closed when the old owner went bankrupt and reopened in Queensway street, she would drive there every weekend to bring that rose-colored box under her arm and wait for you on the couch, once the spare key was in the fake birdhouse, with the TV turned on and the plates placed on the center table next to the wine.

“See, I don’t think that will happen.”

“How could you know? Didn’t you just said people change?”

“And love changes people, your mother has more for you than you could ever imagine and without measuring efforts. She wouldn’t make any decision that would hurt you, trust me.”

Nova quickly disengage from the conversation, staying on mute abruptly, leaving a temporary gap for thoughts of doubt to occupy. Your heart is worried, but a grown-up, worried heart shouldn’t be shown while trying to pass a sense of security. That included waiting for Nova to fall sleep before calling Alexis.

You climb the four steps and opens the blue door, face to face with smiling Rudolph from last Christmas, hanging by a thread along with Santa, waiting to be taken down as the feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“I ate at home so if you don’t mind I will go to bed now.”

Unreeling the red knitted scarf, the tenth big piece Alexis attempted to make at her knitting fase, Nova doesn’t look behind once. You watch her back as she went upstairs to the guest room, her special fort at five, and now her hideaway at fifteen, with fewer toys and Donkey, an old stuffed toy still sitting in the shelf waiting for no one in a room cleaned every week.

You dismiss the purple scarf from around your shoulders, the third big piece on your sister’s collection, not as good as the tenth, but it warmed you inside to observe her trying to hide a proud smile in seeing what she made wrapped around Nova and you.

A stupidly cold breeze hits the back of your neck before you turned around to close the door, the phone rings along with squealing tires of a black car on the other side of the street.

#RomComWC #RCWC #john krasinski #mine #imagine #original #jim halpert #jimhalpert #story #imagination #i hope you enjoy

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kingofthewilderwest · 6 years ago

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How do u feel about Mabel

I have an unending sense of adoration for what Mabel contributes to Gravity Falls. Technically, Mabel isn’t a favorite of mine – I don’t think of her or relate to her as much as others like Stan, Ford, Dipper, or Fiddleford. However, my appreciation for her is endless.

Gravity Falls couldn’t exist without Mabel. The story’s heart would be crippled. Mabel’s energy and charm provides a unique personality to the show through her unique personality. The show wouldn’t have the same vibe without her ridiculousness! Plus, GF is a story of familial love. And Mabel, as half of the younger Pines twins duo, is essential to giving us the feels of what it means to be in a loving but emotionally complicated family. They couldn’t have picked a better personality to interact with Dipper and Stan for the narrative’s central trio. The combination of Mabel’s vivacity, Stan’s gruffness, and Dipper’s paranoia… is what sells us on this cast. (With Bill, Soos, Wendy, Ford, Pacifica, Gideon, etc. making great additions.)

That’s already enough to celebrate Mabel, but I can’t say this enough: Mabel is the fulfillment of my greatest wish for women characters:

Let women be weird.

The Limited Scope of Female Personalities in Media

All genders get roped into stereotypical personalities in media, but I feel like women especially get reduced. I struggle relating to and loving fictional women… because they feel like the same restrictive subset of personalities I’ve seen reiterated again and again and again and again and again.

There’s the rude, prissy, popular rich girl.

There’s that easygoing cool tomboy.

There’s the hot, edgy, serious, sexy, COOL, highly skilled badass action woman who is the most hardcore of the main cast, hides a sense of internal empathy and compassion, but warms up from her coldness when she meets the main character lead… and then probably goes and kisses him once he, despite being a rookie, magically manages to best her years of hard training.

*ka-sigh*

Even when a fictional woman doesn’t hit something that cringeworthily stereotypical, she still feels… bland. Fictional characters can be enjoyable exaggerations of personality traits – we have the opportunity to create as weird, ridiculous, or diverse of individuals as we possibly can. And yet usually women aren’t written to be as wild or diverse in their personalities as men. The ladies will probably look standardly pretty, act standardly reasonable, act standardly feminine, and make standard choices. Women characters in a cast often feel the least distinct to me. I’m probably not going to find quirks in my ladies or something that sets them apart from the crowd. Let’s be real: media depicts women according to societal expectation. Women in media are reduced to a washed-out, generic fantasy that doesn’t relate anything to how women feel, nor does it try hard to relate to what women feel.

The writing doesn’t understand women. And I can feel it.

When a bland, stale action woman goes on screen in her hot sexy tight pants, is her presentation supposed to be female empowerment (she’s fighting [gasp!])? Or is it another quick, uninspired shortcut without thinking through what her humanity is? “She fights, she’s a ‘good’ female role model, that’s good enough.” Still caters to the male gaze, still caters to male fantasy for what an attractive woman is like, still doesn’t think through her psychology, still presents media’s “desire” for what women “should” be like.

We drastically need to improve how women are written.

You know what my women friends are like? Women are loud and unashamed belchers. Women crack terrible puns about the French Revolution while everyone boos. Women dress up their stuffed animal cats in goggles and a lab coat. Women geek out over how cute worms are. Women want to kill the opposing team in sports competitions. Women eat food off the floor. Women spend sleepovers watching chick flicks and musicals. Women shriek screamo songs at the top of their lungs, getting maybe a third of the lyrics right, racing through the night in their car twenty miles over the speed limit. Women spend thirty five minutes trying to get the perfect selfie because their hair finally fucking cooperated. Women repeatedly text their friends photos of them flipping the bird making derp faces. Women play beer pong until they’re drunk. Women do unnecessarily complicated mathematics calculations to prove their point in fandom. Women stay up all night screaming murder at first person shooter video games. Women play shitty pop song covers on their tubas. Women spend an hour and a half dyeing their hair pink in the sink (and dye the entire bathroom pink in the process). Women debate the finer points of Immanuel Kant with one another. Women demand their friends dish the details when they hear someone has a new significant other. Women binge watch anime eating frozen dinners heated from the microwave while sobbing out their mascara. Women get crushes on Simba or Kovu from The Lion King. Women work out at gyms because they want to get RIPPED. Women. Are. Diverse. And. Delightfully. QUIRKY.

I know I ranted a long time about it, but the point is to show the difference between what women are (personable and peculiar)… versus the stale bread, watered-down crap we get in the movies.

So this. This is why I will never quit raving about Mabel.

Mabel finally lets us see an ACTUAL GIRL as ACTUAL GIRLS act: she’s delightfully, realistically, over-exaggeratedly, charmingly, unforgettably WEIRD.

Instead of trying to write a “girl” first and getting tied up in the tropes and gender biases, Gravity Falls writes a character who happens to be a girl with some girl traits.

What Makes Mabel Different

Instead of writing some standard bland stereotyping “oh this feels vaguely feminine and attractive” excuse-for-a-cardboard-cutout-of-a-woman… Mabel is given real love, real personality, real demonstration of what women are. After all these years of me suffering in theatres thinking, “Oh look, it’s the same uninspired sexy badass action woman stereotype,” I can finally find a character who’s not what media pretends women should be like. I see a character who the writers actually thought about her personality for!

Gravity Falls allows a woman character to do things I almost never see of women characters.

For starters: Mabel’s gross. She finds leftover tacos in the backseat of the car and decides it’s a perfect snack. She sticks her head into a dusty barrel and laughs when caterpillars crawl over her face. She makes fart sounds and laughs at those fart sounds. She lets a statue pick her nose. She shoves food into her mouth voraciously. She’s animated with wild, ridiculous, non-flattering facial expressions. Gravity Falls allows Mabel to be gross.

This is already amazing to me. Cartoons are a little better than live action movies, where the latter can’t let a woman look imperfect when she’s crying or fighting villains. But cartoons often have limitations for how women are shown, too. It’s refreshing to see a girl who is gross.

And I don’t know about you, but I’d be hard-pressed to name even three other contemporary Western women characters who’re allowed to be girly AND gross. Mabel Pines. Princess Fiona. The list ends there for me? Sometimes I’ll see girls in media dressed with “unruly” appearances – their hair is SLIGHTLY frazzled and they wear glasses (gasp) – but that’s not real grossness, and it’s especially not grossness combined with girliness.

Gravity Falls isn’t afraid to make Mabel both gross and “girly”, and that’s special.

Next, Mabel’s girliness feels authentic. By “girliness” I mean Mabel taking actions according to Western societal gender norms for ciswomen. I don’t mean that’s how girls have to innately be. I hate the idea that people “should” behave according to gender roles and encourage us all to express our individuality. Anyway. Yes, most women in media have girliness to them… but nothing prepared me to seeing a twelve year old girl act like the twelve year old girls I knew.

Mabel loves bright colors, rainbows, unicorns, cute boys, formal dances, boy bands, and looking cute. These are girly traits and girly interests. But the way they show Mabel, Candy, and Grenda bonding over boy talk at a sleepover? That ridiculous, unrestrained screaming, combined with the mischievous grins, is exactly the sort of stuff I grew up with. It’s not just “oh we wrote a girl who likes pink and makeup who gets catty about crushes” – it’s “oh, we wrote a girl who enjoys her girly side like a twelve year old would!”

Gravity Falls allows Mabel to live according to some elements of the gender norm. The show doesn’t tote the idea that people live without gender influence, that people live in a vacuum of culture. It shows people in society often live by some pattern of gender roles. But, the show doesn’t make Mabel be that norm or preach she should be that norm. Honestly, I don’t see many shows try to strike this balance: willing to give characters gender role interests, while still respecting that everyone is unique and doesn’t need to live by those roles. Either the shows completely drop gender roles (which can be refreshing and help us overcome our biases) or they stick too close to assumptions that your gender = your brain, which is backwards thinking.

GF doesn’t lazily pin a character with girly traits because “that’s what women are.” It doesn’t stop at some assumptive “She wears pretty boots.” It understands Mabel’s psychology, lets her express that girliness unrestrained, provides her screen time to live this (!!! screen time to girl time in an all-gender-demographic-show!!!), and allows her to intersect that girliness with her grossness and her weirdness.

Next, Mabel is allowed to be confident and bold. Society isn’t good with women being bold and outspoken yet. Women often get criticized for being bossy, bitchy, obnoxious, etc. when they speak their minds and act with the confidence that men are “allowed” to have in their daily lives. And yet Mabel can be an outspoken and unrestrained character.

It works well for her age, too!

Last, Mabel is weird. Mabel has quirks. I’ve said this three hundred times and I’ll say it three hundred more, but Mabel being weird is a delight. It’s not often that women are allowed to be the ridiculous comedic side in children’s / family animation. (Yay Ruffnut for also fulfilling this role.)

Mabel is unrestricted, allowed to be a wild dork on screen. She’ll eat tubes of toothpaste because they’re sparkly, make “Mabel juice” with plastic dinosaurs in the pitchers, dress pigs in costume, knit scratch-and-sniff sweaters, slap stickers on her uncle’s nose, scream for a minute straight before coughing up glitter, dream up the centaurtaur, and more.

But it’s not just that. It’s her mindset. Mabel’s excitement for things – down to an eight legged cow having “more limbs for hugging” – is a perspective I essentially never see in stories. She’s got a way of looking at the world like no one else I know. It’s a wild, bizarre perspective… but that’s what makes her so good and human.

Mabel has a “What the heck?” vibe from her, whether it’s her interests, her thought processes, or her choices.

And frankly, that’s so much more relatable, personable, and beautiful to me… than almost any other woman I see on screen in media. When I see Mabel, I can remember what I was like as a kid.

Although I’m non-binary, I didn’t grow up knowing about non-cis gender. I grew up more or less thinking of myself as a little girl. Many of my childhood experiences were with little girls. So, when I look at old photographs of myself, I see someone with unrestrained energy, joy, and weirdness - just like Mabel.

That is what kids are like, guys! That is what kids are like!

Not this weird restricted stereotype on television I see! But THIS.

So yeah.

Even just from the topic “What does Mabel bring to women’s representation in media,” Mabel is a shooting star. She’s a success. I love it. It’s freeing, exciting, and refreshing to me, being able to see a woman character given this loving treatment. I’m passionate about women being represented well in media, and not in the sense of falsely-portrayed empowerment. Mabel is the glorious three-dimensional, unique, bizarre, memorable type of girl I want!

She’s worth celebrating for all her personality traits, too: her creativity, her energy, her lightheartedness, her love for her family. But that’s content for another essay.

In short: bless Mabel Pines. Bless, bless, bless Mabel Pines.

This is a damn great character.

#non-dragons #GF #Gravity Falls #Mabel #Mabel Pines #analysis #my analysis #ask #ask me #awesome anonymous friend #wrote this at like 4 am #hope it's coherent hahahaha #Anonymous #representation #women's representation

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schalaasha · 5 years ago

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Favourite Games of 2019

I don’t like making ranked lists anymore. So here’s a bunch of games old and new I played in 2019 because I was busy catching up due to not playing FFXIV as much as in previous years.

Ciconia When They Cry Phase 1: For You, The Replaceable Ones

I think going in, and even starting to play it, I felt like maybe the game would abandon the WTC mystery game conventions. It ended up not doing that, because the game leaves you with far more questions than answers at the end. The A3W World (“after World War III”) is still trying to deal with political issues and social issues that existed prior to World War III. A global stalemate exists due to the military implementation of the Gauntlet weapon. Eventually things happen where different countries need to deal with a shortage of resources, territorial conflicts, etc which sets off a chain reaction to World War IV. However, the children who grew up in the A3W era, settled into new ideologies and views of how society currently works are at odds with what the older generation wants and requires of them. Along the way, they need to deal with other groups and conspiracies in order to maintain the Walls of Peace.

So in essence, R07 still crafts a mystery for readers to figure out, but it isn’t a murder mystery. It’s an international conspiracy mystery and I am more than okay with that. I think this chapter required a lot of worldbuilding to set that kind of story up and coming out of Phase 1, I understood why the first chapter wasn’t exactly like Umineko’s. I thought that it was handled well, despite some of the purple prose (but if you’ve played a R07 game before, you’re likely used to it). I also thought he really tried to introduce and incorporate themes including gender, generational differences, societal tiers, geopolitics disguised as sports events (possibly mirroring the 2020 Olympics in Japan), etc. as well as he could throughout the story through the game’s cast. Even if the game meanders a bit (and it definitely feels that way towards the start), when it actually starts to roll, I felt compelled to keep reading.

And truly, the game has an incredibly large cast of characters. The TIPS section handles introductions well, and while some cast members don’t have as much time in the spotlight as others, I can see them getting their time eventually in subsequent chapters. Clearly Phase 1 exists to focus more on the children from the Arctic Ocean Union (the “AOU”) as evidenced by the additional stories unlocked at the end of the game so hopefully other chapters have the same amount of character backstory for the other factions. I also genuinely enjoyed that the big international cast of characters allowed for many different types of designs with characters with different types of hairstyles and hair texture or characters wearing hijabs and still managed to make them retain adorableness or a sense of style. I do not recall seeing it as often in Japanese media and I’m very happy to see it here.

I think Ciconia Phase 1 is a very good start to this subseries’ planned four episodes and I hope to see more sociopolitical commentary. It feels as though R07 looked at everything happening in Japan and social media/how news is consumed and decided to write a four-part SFF series about it. I’m eagerly looking forward to the next chapter.

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

I backed Bloodstained when it got put on Kickstarter a few years ago. It was shipped to me at… possibly the worst time since Shadowbringers was coming out very shortly after. My fiancé and I played ours for a short bit, felt very positive about the game, then dropped it to play Shadowbringers. We didn’t return to it until maybe September/October? Both of us ended up getting our Platinum Trophies for it so we both played through everything the game had to offer.

Bloodstained is a good experience, but not without its issues. I played on PS4 and I’ve had a few outright crashes or some glitching into walls early enough that I couldn’t come out of them again due to not having the required skill to try to get out of it. I also felt like the game meandered or had a bit of padding in its earlier stages). Later on, you realise you have to put in the farming work to have a better and faster time not unlike its Igavania counterparts, but I did feel like the drop rates prior to actually working towards higher luck stats/drop shards were low enough almost to the point of unfair or deliberately wasting my time. I also felt as though there were too many weapon types; with adequate shard use and shard grinding eventually you can settle into one weapon type that suits your playstyle or eventually use the gun for everything when you get the special hat quest reward).

However, I’m speaking about this game as someone who platinumed it which requires a lot of farming and synthesis. As a player going through the main campaign, I think the maps are adequate. The backgrounds are very lovingly crafted, and the music is absolutely one of the best of the year. Boss design is also fun and rewarding, requiring the player to learn how all the different weapon types work, adequate backstepping and closing in, and boss patterns. If you suck, the game will show you that you suck very quickly and deliberately. Essentially towards the end, I felt as though Bloodstained tried very hard to cater to fans of the metroidvania style of game, and the classicvania style of game. I personally don’t think it completely succeeded but for a first time experience of trying to combine the two into one, it did its job with preparation for another game.

I also feel like some criticism was lobbed towards the game’s narrative for being told in library/book entries, and while I understand that (I actually couldn’t open all of the books for fear of my game crashing), I don’t think elaborate cutscenes and continuous dialogue would work well with this game’s flow. Bloodstained prioritizes gameplay elements and player exploration over anything else, and to be honest, I’d rather it happen that way than with long elaborate cutscenes. I also felt as though I got more out of the game because I’d played the 8-bit prequel as well.

Overall, Bloodstained is a passable experience. I’m glad I played it, and I’m glad I put the work in to try to make the game a better experience. I got what I wanted out of the game for as much as I backed it and I hope they try again with a similar formula because this is a very good first step.

The Touryst

Sometimes when I see a game with voxel graphics, I feel pretty compelled to pick it up because it looks so darn lovingly rendered and it usually ends up being fun. The Touryst does a good job with its graphical style and visiting new islands is a complete delight because of it. It looks like a game with style, and performs super-well on the Switch. It’s also one of the freshest games I’ve played in a while.

Basically you’re playing a blocky dude with a moustache who just wants to have a good time but when he gets to TOWA Monument, he’s told he has to find monument cores to unlock the world’s secrets. And then you can do whatever you want. The different islands have their own little personalities: there’s an island called Fijy which is volcanic, there’s Ybiza with a bunch of dudes chilling on the beach and passed out on their chairs, there’s Santoryn which is just Greece, and a few other places that are essentially recreations of real-world places.

As you explore, there’s a lot of stuff to do. A variety of things to do. There are puzzles and mechanics that don’t necessarily overstay their welcome, you can play footy, you can play spelunker, you can take helicopter rides, you can take pictures, get stuff for a museum, surf, play rhythm games…. It’s your vacation, do what you want. It’s a little like Vegas. Unlike Vegas, you can use your ever-increasing money and diamonds to get new moves for your moustached character to reach new objects.

As a little game where you can do whatever you want little by little, and makes for a smooth experience, I’m glad I picked up the Touryst after asking another person what they thought of it. It has great puzzles, lots of stuff to do and explore and see, and ton of minigames for whatever mood you feel like you’re in. The game is fairly short, but I’m very glad the holiday doesn’t overstay its welcome.

A Short Hike

A Short Hike places you in the shoes of a bird who is utterly determined to walk to the top of Hawk Peak to get signal for her phone. I totally understand; sometimes you’ve gotta do what you gotta do.

But the game allows you to undertake that journey however you want to. You can go right away and finish up and get that darn signal. Or you can take your time and we’ll build that bridge when we get there. There are different types of terrains to explore if you opt to take the scenic route… and it’s rewarding to do so. You can find treasure, you can water a flower, you can talk to the Animal Crossing-esque characters to do some sidequests, you can do whatever you want.

I’m sorry to say that when the game introduced fishing, I spent a lot of my time doing that. Fishing ruins me. The completionist in me wanted to fish. But the whole thing is that you don’t have to do any of this. If you want to finish the game, you can absolutely positively focus on that and the game doesn’t pressure you for it.

And that’s one of the things I like about it. It’s just whatever about the whole ordeal. I don’t feel like I’m completely and utterly missing out if I don’t decide to do something. Even the task of getting Golden Feathers to progress is fine since you only need eight for it, and the game easily gives you enough rewards to get four or five before sidequests or exploration is factored in.

Sometimes you just need to take a walk and kind of think of nothing just to clear your head. And A Short Hike accomplishes that very well.

Worldend Syndrome

In my effort to try to find other games to play in 2019 because I’d fallen a little out of love with FFXIV, I realised that taking baby steps with visual novels and bite-sized games would be the best idea to try to get back into traditional games (particularly since I was, and am, still questioning whether I like games as a hobby or not). On a whim, I decided to download a boatload of visual novel demos one night and tried a bunch of them out. Worldend Syndrome’s demo didn’t exactly grab me until perhaps halfway through the demo when I a) realised that this demo was long af, and b) nothing appeared what it had seemed as I kept going through it and the characters were enjoyable.

So I decided to get the game and dragged my fiancé along for the ride. It’s one of those standard decision-making/pick which girl you want and go down her route VNs but it didn’t really feel skeezy or ecchi other than one particular point in each girl’s story where you get confessed to. You go through the VN as an unnamed protagonist who is visiting his cousin over the summer, and you and your friends get dragged into a school club whose focus revolves around folklore. The town the protagonist finds himself in is haunted by the Yomibito, spirits of the undead who look exactly like regular people but are eventually driven mad enough to kill.

One of the things that drew me to this visual novel was its assortment of animated backgrounds. They colourful and gorgeous. Every CG looks nice and coloured well, and the backgrounds for each area you visit are so beautiful and makes every single location easy to settle into. The cast is also surprisingly decent, where I expected to hate a few people but I ended up being okay with them because they were written well and weren’t as tropey as I had expected. I was also very pleased that the character that you were roleplaying as wasn’t skeezy when put into situations where he could have been, and that he treated the girls very well (though I won’t deny that there are some spots where behaviour was questionable but it doesn’t happen as often). Because the characters were written adequately enough, the game’s true ending route comes together very well and very naturally to a point where I could seriously believe that every character got along with one another to make sure the emotional impact of the mystery was satisfying.

In order to finish Worldend Syndrome, you have to do each route. A few characters’ routes don’t get unlocked until halfway through the game or even until the very end. The game also remembers everything you’ve done when it autosaves the system data on the world map, so if you need to reload a save to figure out someone’s schedule or if you mess up, it’s relatively easy to come back to something you’ve missed. I’ve played a lot of multiple route VNs before and Worldend Syndrome is easily one of the better VNs that allows the player to skip through to something they’ve missed or skip through previously-viewed text for another route.

As it is, Worldend Syndrome doesn’t really try to do anything spectacular, nor does it try to stand out like other visual novels of 2019 have (ie: Ciconia, presumably AI but I only tried the demo and I hated parts of the script, sorry). It does its job and tells its story which has a very good payoff in the end.

Judgement

I bought my fiancé Judgement earlier this year, as I had retired from playing Ryu ga Gotoku after Dead Souls/Ishin, and he was still playing the series religiously. I watched him play through part of it and I felt compelled to get my own copy because the combat looked nice, and the characters were compelling enough that I felt comfortable picking it up.

Judgement follows former lawyer Takayuki Yagami who is now a detective. His tale is one of redemption and conspiracies, reminiscent of some Phoenix Wright games (which this game gives clever nods to when the protagonist is in the courtroom). Yagami is more serious and down-to-earth than Kiryu is so the tone of the game feels quite different than other RGG games (or at least the ones I’ve played).

It still feels like a regular RGG game where you’re still wandering through Kamurocho, you’re still getting into fights with randos and Yakuza dudes, you date girls, you go to buy food, you play minigames, etc. But it isn’t as big as a standard RGG game; because you stay only in the one area, the cast is smaller, you get a job board to get your sidequests from, and the story itself is fairly short and sweet. I actually prefer that as a lapsed RGG player since it’s easier to get back into the games this way.

Judgement, however, disappointed me just a little in how little you spend in the courtroom. You’re given opportunities to present evidence, do some suspect tailing, use your smartphone to catch a cheating husband, or use a drone to search for evidence. I felt like when you had to use the drone to search for evidence, it ruined the pacing a little. The tailing missions are also reminiscent of Assassin’s Creed, and no that isn’t a good thing! Due to this, I felt like Judgement was not necessarily a great detective game but it did a decent job of trying to mold the RGG experience to a different main character.

Yagami can… fight… for some reason so he can beat up whatever randos come up to him on the streets. He’s actually more acrobatic than I remember Kiryu being in previous RGG games. He can kick off objects, he’s hard to back into a corner, he can do wall-flips, etc. It’s also much easier to earn XP where it’s all in one bar so you can do whatever you want to fill it up like play darts and just put stuff into his lockpicking. As a lapsed fan, the streamlining feels okay. The streamlining for combat also feels good because if you fights go on too long, the popo can come for you and you’d get fined, so emphasis is on finishing fights cleanly and quickly.

Overall, as a lapsed RGG fan, the way Judgement looks and feels and wraps up its twists and turns was really exciting for me. It may not have as many things to do as other RGG games, but honestly I think being a leaner experience was better and thus didn’t make the game overstay its welcome. I also am eagerly awaiting RGG7 since I enjoyed the demo a lot and I think the new protagonist can carry the series the way Yagami carried Judgement.

Cadence of Hyrule

Sometimes, after my fiancé and I bought our Switch, I’d wake up, go brush my teeth, and return to bed just to see my fiancé awake and playing Cadence of Hyrule. I was perplexed as it’s been ages since he’d willingly played a Zelda game, and his hands are super-huge for the joycons so he doesn’t like using them much.

You can easily say that Cadence of Hyrule is just a Crypt of the Necrodancer reskin with Zelda stuff all over it, but feels pretty clever in that it uses stuff from roguelikes and a rhythm game and makes the A Link to the Past world feel incredibly fresh. Bosses, especially, feel very fresh. Enemies move according to the rhythm and have a unique pattern that’s easily memorized so you can fall into the rhythm and take advantage of. If you’ve played Necrodancer, you’ll probably feel at home in this aspect, especially since the maps are also randomised (which leads different playthroughs feeling fresh).

The Zelda feels comes from recreating tunes from older Zelda games in puzzles, the magnificent sprite art, the great Zelda remixes, a simple-enough story, and a standard set of things to find in each procedurally generated dungeon. You also find a variety of traditional items like the bow, the bombs, boomerang… and a spear? It’s a nice blend of Zelda and Necrodancer.

The caveat is that it takes a little getting used to, since you’re not exactly used to not being able to freely move in a Zelda game. But when you do get used to it, it feels good. Everything is pretty expendable and if you die, you don’t feel like you necessarily lose a lot since you can accrue it all easily enough again. It’s unpredictable and that random roguelike nature is something that makes the Zelda experience feel fresh.

Spirit Hunter: Death Mark

My fiancé and I were trying to find spooky games to play for Halloween that wouldn’t make me squeamish because despite my profession dealing with analysis of body parts and human body fluids, I can’t see that kind of stuff on TV or in games in a realistic sense. It grosses me out. At least when it’s in front of me, it’s already out and off someone’s body and in a fume hood/biosafety cabinet and I didn’t have to see how it happened. My fiancé picked up Spirit Hunter: Death Mark on a sale we went through it together.

Death Mark is a tale about horror-themed urban legends and a curse that needs to be broken. People get marked with a crimson bite mark in the game’s H City and they eventually develop amnesia and die. A group of people live and gather at a spirit medium’s mansion (who is dead upon arrival). The only hint to break the curse in this mansion is a little talking doll named Mary. The protagonist eventually goes through several mysteries in an effort to break his curse and stop others from dying.

Death Mark does some surprisingly well-crafted worldbuilding. Each spirit you deal with has a well-told backstory, sometimes especially ghoulish (particularly the bonus post-game episode, the first episode, and the one episode with the telephone booth). The game excels with psychological horror and the enemies involved in each boss battle assist in making the player feel that way as well. The backgrounds also lend well to this as while they are simplistic, the shading and colours used help to execute a sense of dread. One particular chapter harkens back to Japan’s Aokigahara, and the backgrounds used connect very well to that particular location so that it feels super-eerie.

Regardless, Death Mark relies a lot on its text to establish its atmosphere and as someone who reads stuff like R07 VNs and other regular VNs with a lot of text, I was okay with that. The localization was well-done, albeit with some issues that would have been caught in editing but overall it carried the story very well.

There are boss battles prior to the end of each chapter, where you must use each item you find in your exploration segments. You need to use specific items in a specific order (even with the correct party setup) in order to achieve a good ending for that particular chapter (and thus eventually the game). I thought this was an interesting mechanic and while it got a little tired depending on the spirit, it showcased how creepy some of them can be on your screen.

Unfortunately, Death Mark does not have a variety for its soundtrack and it’s almost disappointing that the same piano tunes and boss themes played repeatedly as I felt it detracted from the experience.

Otherwise, I felt like Death Mark was a short and sweet horror experience that played into urban legends and folklore experiences. I loved the little vignettes that eventually ramped up to a central story point. I hope the sequel is good when we get around to it.

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

So my fiancé and I are doing this thing where we’ve started buying one copy of a game so we’d both own it together and go through it together. Sekiro and Man of Medan were two of those games this year.

Sekiro isn’t really like Souls. Eventually you’ll come to learn that very quickly when the game throws a boss at you and if you try to play like Souls, you’re not going to get the job done. It will show you that you never learned how to parry properly and you’re going to have to go back and learn it. Or if you didn’t grab a prosthetic that will make the job easier, you’re gonna have to do that too.

The game is interesting in that you aren’t exactly whittling down health bars all the time; you’re striking properly so you can overwhelm their posture bars, find an opening, and go in for the kill. Enemy health bars are essentially secondary to that posture bar. You have your own posture bar so you’ve got to learn how to parry properly. Sometimes you need to parry complete combos in order to deliver posture damage back to an enemy. It’s all about getting into the flow and rhythm of combat. And you must beat bosses in order for you to get a stat boost, so being able to beat a boss lies in your skill, and not necessarily your level/equipment.

Sekiro is Souls-like in its storytelling and worldbuilding. You can run around rooftops and areas to find secrets off the beaten path. You go back and forth between areas and speak to different NPCs to find out their backstories. The plot is also told via NPC conversations with the main characters. At first it’s a little dry but the story opens up eventually. It also has some great voiced NPCs for quests (one quest in particular had voicework that made me feel so sorry for the character that I was like “we need to get the proper item for this guy please don’t make him suffer”).

It feels rewarding to put in the work in order to beat the bosses, make it so you don’t resurrect as often to make people sick, and meet whatever standard Sekiro is throwing at you. It lets the player know that they’ve met that standard, and then throws another boss phase at them so you have to get even better.

Owl I’m looking at you.

Super Kirby Clash

My fiancé and I bought a Switch together this year (which, outside of dinner and movies and clothes, etc. was one of our major purchases together). We downloaded a few demos to try the control scheme out, including Super Kirby Clash. I am aware that this game is probably old, but hey it’s still going and it’s still being supported and I’m catching up.

I’m probably putting it here due to bias, but I think It’s really cute and the hats are super-adorable. I love getting new hats and new weapons for my little Kirby. It’s fairly standard as far as a “mobile experience” is concerned and playing it a little when I have the time to and hacking away at it little by little is rewarding when I get a new hat or new gear. My fiancé and I played it in multiplayer as well, which felt a lot like Kirby’s Return to Dream Land.

It’s pretty inoffensive and I haven’t paid real-life money for anything in it, and I still feel like I’m progressing. So as a Kirby game with light RPG elements (ie: something I’ve wanted for years and years), it’s nice to finally see realised.

Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom

An artist I commission very often from convinced me to move this game further up in queue than I originally had it when we were talking about games we were playing after finishing Shadowbringers’ main campaign.

Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom is the spiritual successor inspired by Wonder Boy III, with the formula being modernized for a new era. It feels fast, and it looks soooooooo pretty. The tracks are bumpin’ too. It’s also a little tough but with every difficult section successfully platformed through, you feel really good about it.

You play as a plucky boy named Jin whose uncle is an insano who turns everyone in the kingdom into animals. After you experience sweet freedom as a human boy platforming across things easily for like 15 minutes, Jin’s uncle turns him into a pig. Whoops. From there the platforming gets a little harder and you need to learn how to manipulate different forms and different spells in order to get across various sections.

Different animal forms give you different skills. Pig form allows you to sniff out secrets literally, snake form lets you cling to walls and go through tiny passages, frog has a sticky tongue for swinging, and lion form lets you go through obstacles. You need to use these forms well to platform well enough to get through each area and finish the game. Being successful at platforming in this game feels good and fulfilling and satisfying. As you unlock more, platforming experiences get more and more complex with more obstacles put in your way, so in essence it feels like the opposite of a standard metroidvania. Playing both Bloodstained and this in one year felt like playing polar opposites. That said, the checkpointing in Monster Boy is really good. Game Atelier knew what they were doing.

The bosses by contrast were really easy and it’s nice to take the time to look at the art for each boss. All of the effects are also super-nice. Playing Monster Boy on a 4K TV is quite a visual treat for its boss sections, its town section, and its platforming sections. The colours are off-the-charts. Each animal sprite has its own set of unique animations: the piggy farts and looks like >_>, froggy looking at flies, etc. And the music is so good. If this game were a 2019 game I’d definitely put its soundtrack on my list, but it isn’t. It’s a nice blend of new and old stuff and it’s a delight to hear in-context as encouragement to keep going when you fail a platforming section.

Monster Boy and the Cursed Kingdom is a faithful representation and homage of the old Wonder Boy games. It’s filled with references and secrets and awesome art, and I’m glad to have been convinced to move it up my queue for this year.

Most Disappointing Game: Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers

I love Final Fantasy XIV. It’s brought me closer to so many people in recent years and I’ve met so many more through it. Playing this game means so much to me and I want the best for it for years to come. It’s one of the reasons why I’m so critical about it. If I hated this game, I would stop playing and honestly, I wouldn’t care about its future. I will say this before getting started: I like Shadowbringers’ story so far (we aren’t going to be finished with its story until 5.3). I don’t think It’s necessarily as consistent as Heavensward, but I think Shadowbringers’ story is the most Final Fantasy story we’ve gotten since perhaps FF10. Truly, it’s the best we’ve seen for the series this decade.

I had a lot of hopes and hype for Shadowbringers. I hated Stormblood, for a myriad of reasons: social reasons, gameplay reasons, and narrative reasons. The direction Shadowbringers was going and all the trailers made it seem like it was going to be fresh and exciting and new. My fiancé and I (and a few others) swapped servers+data centers in advance of the expansion for a fresh start, to boot. I watched the Job Actions trailer over and over and tried to decide what I was going to eventually main and gear up because I didn’t really have a main in Stormblood due to the combat changes and how easy things became for certain things.

During a live letter, they mentioned that they’re changing how things work in battle, and that’s when I became a little cautious. I was hoping for the best leading up to release and then I saw the scholar/healer changes and got very worried. I changed mains in Stormblood because playing Scholar was freaking horrible at the start of Stormblood.

I eventually had to change mains at the start of Shadowbringers because I was not having fun playing Scholar. For people who didn’t bother to level a healer at all, the writing was on the wall for healers during Stormblood. Essentially, it introduced an age of healing where you barely ever used your GCDs to heal. You mostly used OGCDs and preplanned shields. 90% of the time if you wanted to be a good healer, you’d mostly DPS. I don’t think I’ve cast a GCD heal at all in SB and ShB content unless things were going super-wrong.

The healing changes introduced in Shadowbringers made us think that things were going to change, that things were going to be harder to heal. I had my doubts, however, because all fights are scripted and if they were to introduce a substantial change to incoming damage, they would have to make it so most people (casual, midcore, hardcore, less experienced newbies, experienced folks) would be used to It and could handle it. There was no way they were going to introduce more difficulty given that subscription numbers were increasing.

And so, healers during Shadowbringers got some damage skills taken away, but in their place, they were given more tools to heal with:

- White Mage came away from this as a very well-rounded healer at launch. It had its damage spells, it had a damage spell with a stun, it finally had long-standing and easily useable mitigation, it has substantial MP recovery, and it has a damage spell that rewards you for using three GCD heals to make up for damage lost. White Mage still making out like a bandit in 5.1.

- Scholar felt dramatically different and didn’t feel as solid as it used to be. It had most of its damage tools taken away, the usefulness of its fairy was decreased because let’s be honest it was super-overpowered, it got one of its fairies and its AoE esuna taken away, and it was given its PvP move to act as an AoE that doesn’t have another effect. I had to completely unlearn everything I did as scholar in the last 5-6 years in order to play current scholar. Current 5.1 scholar is overpowered as heck and I don’t feel as satisfied to play it in SB/ShB content.

- AST LOL. All the cards are balance. MP regen is what. Heals are what. Everything is just what. Other fun skills were removed. That said, I really like AST just because it feels like I have to work twice as hard to achieve the same effect the other healers bring to the table.

So eventually with all of these changes, we had assumed that healing was going to be harder. It wasn’t. It’s the same experience and all we’re doing is pressing one single button all the time. I barely have to heal in dungeons. I barely have to heal in raid unless my party members step in stupid. I just can’t bring myself to play healer every single day anymore, and I love healing in this game. Or I loved it back when it was more dynamic. I just press one button over and over and over and over and over and maybe sometimes another but I just press one button a lot. It’s really sad and it makes me miss old Cleric Stance of all things.

I like Shadowbringers’ story. I felt rewarded playing through it as someone who’s played the game for years and did everything when it was in-content. So for me, it was like a good reunion. There were a lot of points where the story dragged or felt rocky. I felt like the start of the 5.0 campaign was utterly boring and poorly paced. It picked up again, then slowed down again, then picked up again, then got REALLY BAD, then picked up again for a good finish. I don’t think it’s as consistent as Heavensward’s 3.0 campaign, but it was very solid and made up for the 4.0 campaign.

However, story is only 20% of the experience for me. The rest of the time, I need to actually play the game. I actually liked the levelling and crafting changes and new skills they brought in during 5.0 because leveling a crafter never felt easier. I felt like I still had to work hard but the payoff came quickly and my macros still worked as well as they did from during Stormblood. I also used my Stormblood melds and Stormblood equipment for the entire levelling experience and had to make concessions for some of my macros as time went on. I still had to know what my skills did, basically. The 5.1 crafting/gathering changes kind of make me want to craft less since I don’t feel like I have to solve a puzzle anymore and to be honest, everyone crafts now so you make far less money than you previously did. The desynth changes also made it so that most of my markets tanked since what’s the point of gathering half the materials when desynth makes those materials easily accessible. I’m not saying to gatekeep at all, but I feel like the experience should have been a little harder (ie: like the Ixali experience where you had to learn what your skills did or desynth shouldn’t be this easy to keep the market fairly balanced). My server is a crafting server so I am more impacted in general from this. That said, I don’t have anything to spend gil on so it doesn’t matter, I guess. I just feel far less inclined to participate in what was one of my favourite pastimes in XIV.

I mained Ninja which got killed in 5.0. I was already dealing with the servers moving from East Coast to West Coast, so adding a bunch of stuff to squeeze into your TA window in 10 seconds in Shadowbringers utterly killed the job for me. 5.1 Ninja throws me off as someone who played this game since the time Ninja was introduced, and I can’t make myself play it. The current opener is the Doton opener (which is something I didn’t like in SB at all) and I can’t always rely on my tank to bring the thing to my Doton. That, and making it so you do different things per every other or every third TA just makes the job a little unpalatable for me at 80. I’m one of those people who wants TA to go. I don’t like that Ninja’s become the TA bot in recent years. I can still do well with it. People still throw buffs at me, but I don’t find enjoyment in the job anymore and I hope we get a proper retool in 6.0.

I switched back to ranged. Thankfully Bard hasn’t changed as much since SB (though I still prefer HW Bard like a weirdo), and Dancer is one of those “I worked too damn long today and I just wanna do the mindless brainless rotation” jobs. I miss old Machinist oddly enough. It felt really good when you played it well and pulled off a decent wildfire. Now it’s a little easier and I don’t feel as fulfilled playing it. That said, it’s probably the best incarnation of the job since it’s sad little introduction in 3.0.

Even tanking is substantially easier and that’s a mostly good thing. It sucked going into a low level dungeon and having trouble keeping aggro due to the level syncing and your DPS’ stats. Now you can just turn your stance on and go to town without losing any damage potency like you used to. I kind of miss swapping stances after I’ve established aggro though, because you could tell the difference between a good tank and a bad/less practiced tank if they didn’t bother to swap stances in a fight. Tanks came out of this expansion very balanced, though. They might need some work here and there (warrior I’m looking at you), but overall, they came out the best out of the three roles.

Other than that, you have monks not knowing what they should be, samurai continuously getting buffed and nerfed, black mage staying consistent, red mage being lol, summoner getting changed to the point where now it’s overpowered, among other DPS changes. DPS overall don’t have as much synergy so you can take any job you want to into raid and it’ll get the job done. That said if you want to do as much damage as possible, you’re generally going to take the same few classes into the raid if you’re less educated about them. And I feel like the lack of synergy or utility between classes or even the loss of something like mana shift makes the whole experience a little boring. It’s very “f you, I got mine” or the onus is on the player for their own personal burdens and no one’s really helping each other unless you’re a dancer, trick attack bot, dragoon or bard.

I really hope the other pieces of content are substantial but what I’ve seen aren’t exactly what I had in mind. Boss refights with an alternate version is really neat but I didn’t really want that for this raid tier. I wanted something more original given what we had to deal with in Omega. I don’t really care for the Nier Automata crossover because, again, I wanted something original to the XIV lore and the First. I think doubling down on Blue Mage is a bad idea and while some folks like its party-based content now, I can’t bring myself to keep doing the content given that it’s clear they don’t know what to do with it (or didn’t know what to do with it). With one dungeon coming per patch I have to question what’s happening internally or what they’re working on. I know SE is weird internally and I really hope that the kind of stuff I’ve read in previous postmortem articles isn’t happening.

Either way, I’m really disappointed that I want to stop playing XIV so much when it’s the most popular among my friends and followers because it’s so dissatisfying to me and it’s the most accessible that it’s ever been. I hope things get better eventually but going by what I think they have in store and their old reliable formula, I don’t have hope. I’m tired of the formula and I feel like it needs a shakeup. Overall, I’ve been less happy playing FFXIV than I’ve ever been and it makes me feel really sad.

#goty 2019 #ciconia when they cry #bloodstained #the touryst #a short hike #worldend syndrome #judgment #cadence of hyrule #spirit hunter death mark #sekiro #super kirby clash #shadowbringers

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aotopmha · 5 years ago

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Attack On Titan Chapter 124 Thoughts

Chapter 36, the focus chapter Sasha had, has for the longest time been labeled as a filler chapter, but I maintain that it's thematically probably one of the most important chapters of the story and I think this chapter only adds to this idea.

Attack on Titan has such a strong perspective and thematic core and I think that's what makes this chapter a really solid one instead of just a chapter to drag this story out or just set all the ducks in row for what's coming.

Even if Eren succumbs to the demon inside of him, as Nicolo puts it, and has to be killed to be stopped, there are characters that haven't succumbed to their demons yet.

The story provides at least some source of hope even in it’s most darkest moments and compared to many other stories that go for this kind of exploration of humanity, I actually think this is one of the more balanced ones when it comes to the hope and darkness in the story. Usually the finale for these kind of stories is covered in a thick layer of cynicism, with the real, more idealistic perspective and actual thematic point of the story coming out in a understated, but firm manner - From the New World and Devilman Crybaby come to mind the most to me when it comes to anime.

Cynical stories about humanity to me are stories that have no empathy for humanity and just tell you how horrible it is.

Even as Jean expresses his cynical viewpoint this chapter, it’s full of understanding on the meta level.

As he's been doing since moral ambiguity has taken the center stage, Jean simply tries to rationalize a very difficult situation. It’s not there to say that the rest of humanity deserves this or humanity is shitty and that’s that.

The story has a lot of empathy for Eren's situation as it should because the readers have been with Eren on this journey for a long time and are conflicted just as the characters are.

Some of this material might be redundant (and I think the anime could help out here once more), but to me it's still very effective.

Some of my favorite themes in stories are learning to see the world in a more complex light and fighting against all the negative within yourself and I'm pretty much eating all of this up not only because it's themes that I love, but also because I think they are handled a bit more complexly than usual.

These have been some of the most fundamental ideas of the story since the first chapter: it all started with the most basic idea of standing up and keeping up the fight despite the fear and loss someone experiences and we’re right back here at the end of the story.

As I said in my initial post and what I’d say is the second strongest part of this chapter to me overall behind Nicolo’s speech about having a demon within yourself and leaving the forest, is Gabi's character arc.

Eren has been the primary positive representation of this struggle of fighting your demons for a while, but now it's Gabi - she fights to return everyone she loves to Reiner (and her) and does so without throwing anyone else under the bus, while Eren is now the negative representation of that struggle.

Stories about struggling with the bad in yourself don't often have negative examples where people lose against their demons, either, that's why I find Eren so interesting, as well.

The story truly paints nobody or nothing at fault here but human nature and I think you don’t really see that often.

Maybe in some story there is some conspiracy going on with some organization or some individual orchestrating everything that is wrong with the world - see Gurren Lagann, Kill la Kill, Dragon Ball or most other Shounen stuff. I enjoy that stuff - a central antagonistic force that represents everything that the protagonist shouldn't be/is representitive of an opposing ideaology isn't even foreign to AoT - for a time it was the Colossal Titan and the other shifters, the nobles within the walls, then Zeke specifically, all the way circling back to Eren himself and it very much helps to give direction to a story.

AoT just claims the root of all evil isn't one specific antagonistic character or group, but the parts of human nature that might drive us to hurt others.

The shitty nobles of the walls and King Fritz? Instead of the story just telling you how horrible they are, it also says that it’s human nature to grow corrupt - Ymir Fritz got her Titan powers by pure coincidence and naturally, humans took advantage of it. The humanity outside the walls? They aren't just a evil hivemind, in fact most of them are innocent people and the element that causes the most problems is actually ignorance.

Desiring power, being scared and hurting others because of being scared and doing anything you possibly could to survive, even if it also involves hurting others - it’s all shown as something natural, but also something to overcome rather than a inherent, unchangeable part of humanity.

It’s not just “that’s how humanity just is and there’s nothing we can do about it”, it’s “that’s how humanity is, but we can do something about it”.

It's human to succumb to these instincts, but we can also be above them.

This chapter is called "Thaw" and majority of it is about barriers between people melting away - Gabi and Kaya, Shadis and the recruits, the 104th and Gabi and of course, even the barrier Annie is surrounded by melting away.

Eren's presence as an enemy seems to have caused everyone to at least temporarily try and put their differences aside for the sake of survival, so whether Eren planned this or not, on some level unity is being achieved because nobody wants to die. This situation is playing into humanity’s intrinsic desire to survive and strive. Eren’s message to the Eldians really might be something to facilitate at least a temporary truce among all the sides for everyone to survive and if the Eldians play a essential part in stopping this, their contribution would be impossible to ignore and therefore they should get something positive out of this.

I suppose how believable it would feel narratively is up to everyone individually, but I don’t feel like it’s all that naive if you frame it like that.

Looking at it myself, I think some people would fall back to rely on their worse instincts, but I also think some wouldn't - an overly cruel humanity is just as unrealistic as an overly kind one.

There's nothing much for me to say about Annie because the panel of her being out of her crystal says nothing, but her plot thread is now at least addressed.

Finally, some neat details are Armin once again taking action with the Manouver Gear as he did before to be consistent with some physical character growth we've seen of him and Connie taking away Falco to finally also address the plot thread with his mother - if it came ahead somehow, I think Connie finally having enough makes sense and was properly built up.

Nile ultimately had his character arc capped off in a fine way prior to this chapter, so what happened here worked for me.

Looks like Pixis actually didn't get eaten by a female Titan, but rather taken out by a character with the history of being mistaken for a girl, so there you go. Armin also ended his life with respect, which I think also works fine here.

It's also nice Shadis gets to have a little bit of a character development moment of acting instead of just remaining passive.

I think now the plot threads left to address are:

1) The Ackerman powers

2) Levi and Hange

3) Historia

4) Eren

5) Kiyomi

6) The Warhammer Titan

I think the story can do it just fine looking at the timetable with the announced season 4. Some of these don't need very elaborate explanations and can be combined with other stuff - like Connie's mother.

I expect Levi and Hange, Annie, Eren and Historia to all get separate chapters and the other stuff to get mixed in there.

I think it'd work out with 8-10 more chapters.

This chapter, though, was a solid set-up chapter with side character payoffs and closures here and there to me.

I think the story is definitely doing it's best to give closure to everything - Connie's mother and Annie have seemed to be dropped plot threads for many people for a while now, but the story brought them back and seems to wish to address them in some manner.

The story has already broken ground among mystery box stories for actually answering most of it's huge mysteries in time, but as I've gone into in a bunch of my chapter posts for some time now, if it satisfyingly sticks the final landing, even in however flawed way, I think it'll definitely be special just for that.

#Attack on Titan #Shingeki no Kyojin #AoT 124 #SnK 124 #Chapter 124 #AoT #SnK

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fictionerd · 6 years ago

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Backlog Post: MG Spec-Ops Asuka Ep 4

Good to see you, friends!

I’m glad you stopped by. You see I think I’ve uncovered the secret as to why I’m so torn on this series, particularly in the writing department.

That’s right, Squeenix is involved. Don’t get me wrong I like a fair few of the Final Fantasy games. I really need to finish Bravely Default one day, and FMA is one of the godfathers of anime, but we all have to admit that Squeenix has a troubled history with good stories. Granted, they’re just the manga publishers so it’s not like they’re directly responsible for the writing, but the fact that their name is attached to a product where I’m iffy on the writing just makes too much sense to me.

Now at this point you may be wondering, “Fic, don’t you research the shows you plan to watch?”

To which I can only respond: “I’m a dragon living in an extra-dimensional library in need of occasional maintenance or else other realities start bleeding in,” followed swiftly by, “Of course I do research on the shows I want to watch. Would you like to see that research?”

And that’s how I came to watch Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka.

Synopsis: This episode is basically all about the world-plot all the time. Even in so far as the character plot is concerned so no extra synopsis this week. Essentially we pick up where we left off with Sporty having been kidnapped by the Babel Brigands. Things seem like they’re going to get right down to the action, but first we get a flash-back nightmare sequence!

[Cue Wayne’s World Flashback transition]

During the war Magical girl’s actually died. Including the original leader of the Magical Girl team who was named Francine. She actually died in Asuka’s arms since the group hadn’t found her in time for Stalker Nurse to do anything to help. She told Asuka to take over the team and remember that no matter how much horrible shit is in this world it also has beautiful things in it. It’s a really touching scene… Too bad the show doesn’t remember the “there are beautiful things too” bit.

[Flash forward]

So, you want to know what the response of the Police Brass’s response to the kidnapping of a high-ranking officer’s daughter happens to be? What with all the Magical nonsense going on and all you’d think maybe they’d have a response team for this sort of thing. Or maybe they’d open communication with the offending party and offer an exchange of hostages seeing as Mophead Mcterrorist is still kicking around. Or, you know, anything? They are Police even if they do have a different name. I presume they’re still there to protect and serve in some capacity even if that idea isn’t associated with the Japanese police the same way it is in the states. No, that’s not what happens at all.

When the concerned father comes to his superior about the situation concerning his kidnapped daughter what does she tell him?

Allow me to elaborate just a bit. Boss-lady here tells Sporty’s dad that they can’t go up against Mophead’s organization because of the risk they have more killer mascot kaiju which, fair enough, that makes sense. However, she then goes on to say that they can’t go running to the JSDF for help because this is too small an issue. BUT if they let this man’s DAUGHTER DIE then they can get a massive budget from the government which should somehow allow them to overcome giant killer plush-toys.

NO! BAD SHOW! You JUST got done telling us there was beauty in the world worth defending. Oh, right, my mistake you DIDN’T get done telling us that I skipped ahead a bit. No what really followed on the heels of the PTSDream was a scene of Sporty all trussed up while “I need Scissors 61” talks about ‘grilled meat’ a whole lot, and basically works to creep Sporty the fuck out.

Back to the failure of Bureaucracy: At the same time or very nearly to the meeting at the police headquarters, Asuka is being told about the situation and how the Police won’t be intervening. She asks what the super-special-magic combat squad for the SDF is going to do and Cyborg Dude’s all like, “Nothing we can’t act without a police request. BUT if a magical girl were to JUST HAPPEN to SHOW UP OF HER OWN VOLITION and a MAGICAL FIGHT were to break out then the incident might escalate to a point where we would be called on to intervene. HINT. HINT.”

So Asuka and Stalker Nurse say they’re going to head out and OH YEAH this is what I’m talking about. Give us half an epis-

What?

What!?

WHAT!?

Oh yes, friends, we get to spend 4-5 minutes of the episode in the basement with Heckel, Jeckel, “I need scissors 61”, while Sporty is tortured. I suppose I should be fair and say that a large portion of that time is filled with exposition on the villains. The most important tidbit being that this whole operation was aimed at luring out magical girls to take one captive in order to create what ‘I need scissors 61’ calls “A Girl of Mass Destruction”. HOWEVER, we’re still getting all this information while Sporty is stripped down to her… Sporty wear, tied to a wooden horse, and BEING FUCKING TORTURED! Even if it is in small bursts it’s still freaking chilling.

So yeah, we don’t get half an episode of the Magical Girls kicking terrorist ass to rescue their friend. Instead we get to see them take down a grand total of one doorknob, one wire trap, and three guards before they get to the trussed up Sporty.

‘I need scissors 61’ is all like, “Hello my dears I’ll be your transparently evil sadist for the evening. By the way I hope all the bondage and guro fetishists in the audience are getting off on what, for them, must amount to softcore.”

Asuka’s fires back with, “Okay, dirtbag, let our friend go and I won’t kill your ass then send the rest of you to kiss it in hell.”

“Let her go,” Says Scissor-bitch, “Why certainly.”

And she CUTS OFF SPORTY’S LEFT ARM! What grinds my gears the most is that she even makes the stupid fake-cutesy. “Woops I totally meant to cut the chains and missed. Tee-hee.”

So official psycho bitch orders the magical girls to put down their weapons or she’ll straight up decapitate the hostage, and at this point I’m SO happy that these are Magical Girls and not gritty Nineties military characters who would be like “go ahead, princess, make my day”. So Asuka makes a show of dropping her Karambit…. At which point the pair proceed to kick ass. Kurumi fires the massive needle-point on her primary weapon through ‘I need scissors 61’s shoulder pinning her to the wall and through a combination of swift action and a magical flashbang theys coop up Sporty sans one arm and make their getaway.

Naturally Runs-With-Scissors is pissed so she and the Ruski’s (Oh yeah the two people helping her torture an adolescent girl are Russian Mercenary Sorcerers) go and chase after the fleeing magical girls. Asuka stayed behind to try and hold them off, but of course Scissor-girl sics the Ruskis on her and chases after War Nurse on her own. We get a teensy bit more action and expository dialouge and that’s where the episode ends. Now I’ve got some serious…

Thoughts: Now to devil’s advocate it’s not wholly inappropriate that the torture scene take place. I’m bringing prejudice to the table based on what I expect out of a usual Magical Girl Show which is made for a MUCH DIFFERENT target demographic. Honestly along with more fanservice one should go into a Seinen show expecting more grim or edgy aspects to take the forefront. My problem is that those sorts of aspects don’t necessarily make a show more mature.

I guess I’ll never get over it, but Madoka was a perfectly mature take on the Magical Girl template that didn’t need a lot of edgy gory content or blatant spank material. This show seems to not know what the audience for it would want. I came into this thinking “Military Magical Girls in a series whose rating might allow them to actually show the horrors of war? That seems neat.” What I got was a post-war series that doesn’t seem to know if it wants to be about the trauma endured by what effectively child soldiers; a story about a war hero fighting to live a somewhat normal live while realizing the responsibility they have to keep fighting the good fight; pandering to the various circles who would find under-dressed young women attractive; softcore fetish porn; or any of a number of other things.

At the end of the day what did the torture scene serve? What purpose did it have? Was it important to the narrative that we see it? No… No it wasn’t. All it did was show us that one of the Ruski’s has a water Persona and the other likes to heat metal implements and is referred to as a chef. These are things that could have been exposited in combat, and I get that’s more a shounen thing but it doesn’t make the point any less valid. As for the explanation of what Babelfish wanted a Magical Girl for they could have moved that up to when Scissor-girl was tormenting Sporty with grilled meat earlier, or moved back to the classic villainous monologue after our heroes had arrived. If there had been even an iota of reason for the torture scene. Then I probably wouldn’t be this mad, because strong emotional reactions are what I look for to see if a piece of media is doing its job well. Getting angry at a story doesn’t immediately indicate that it’s bad. It’s when you’re mad for reasons other than those specifically written that we have a problem.

I didn’t see the torture scene this episode and think “Those monsters! I want to wring their necks!”

… Okay yes I did, but the problem is that I also asked a question: “Why is this here?”

Having a villain do an evil thing because they are wicked makes sense. SHOWING us them doing said evil thing has to have a narrative reason beyond just “Oh they’re the evil villain!”

Okay… I think I’m starting to repeat myself on that point so let’s talk about the other concern I have. The Flashback PTSDream implies that Asuka is driven to fight by the fact that despite how bad things can be there are still things worth protecting in the world. The problem, as I said in the synopsis, is that the show seems to have missed the memo on that. On the contrary the world is a place where young women get kidnapped and tortured, war heroes can’t get a good night’s sleep, and even the people who SHOULD be the good guys come across as evil schemers.

I know I skipped over the fact that the Police Lady and Cyborg-Scarface were actively manipulating Asuka and Stalker-Nurse into action, but so far as Sporty’s dad knows his boss is someone who’s willing to sacrifice a subordinate’s daughter to get a BUDGET BUMP!

If you’re going to stand on the premise that there are things worth protecting in the world you need to actually SHOW US THOSE THINGS!

“But, Fic, There’s Sporty and Bookish! They’re worth protecting!”

Yes, how very astute. Innocents ARE worth protecting. However, what about the WORLD makes it worth the Magical Girls’ efforts? Where is the beauty that Francine loved? We should have seen at least a sliver of it in this episode.

[Sigh] I stepped away from this post for a while to clear my head and I can’t come up with a positive note to end on. Oh well. I suppose we’ll just have to look forward to other things. Hopefully the future of this show will balance things out, but I know I’ll have fun digging my claws into it regardless.

That said: Until next post keep talking fiction, friends! I’ll see you soon.

P.S.: This week’s Spec-Ops will be posted later this evening. I need to take some time to myself first.

#Anime #Let's Talk Anime #mahou shoujo tokushusen asuka #Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka #Fictionerd #In-Character #Winter 2019 #Winter Season 2019 #Winter Anime 2019

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hagarenmovie · 7 years ago

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[Translation] Special Interview with Hiromu Arakawa

Source: http://natalie.mu/comic/pp/hagarenmovie02

“Fullmetal Alchemist” [Hagane no Renkinjusushi, or “Hagane”] is premiering on December 1st. So, whose heart was beating faster than anyone else and called the movie “a celebration”? It was Hiromu Arakawa, the creator of the manga. Previously, “Fullmetal Alchemist” had been adapted into other media formats such as anime and games, and to Arakawa, who seemed to be enjoying the “celebration” more than others, said “I can see a new [incarnation] of the work again!” As part of Comic Natalie’s special celebration with the release of [“Fullmetal Alchemist”], we interviewed this Arakawa. In addition to getting the scoop on the highlights of the movie, [she also had] a message for the passionate fans of the original work.

Yamada-san did a really good job bringing the comical action scenes from the manga to life

── Could you tell us your frank impression of the time when you know about the decision to adapt [your work] into live action? At the end of volume 15 of "Fullmetal Alchemist" released in 2006, there was a panel where everyone was speculating "What if [FMA] is made into a live action adaptation?"

When I heard about the live action adaptation, the first voice I made was “Hoo!” (laughs). When we were drawing the panel, I remember everyone was [just] noisily blurting out [whatever came to mind]. Although it had already been made into anime, games, etc, when I heard that it will be adapted to yet another medium, as the creator, I felt a wave of excitement that “I can see something new again!” I was looking forward to the completion of the film.

[T/N: I was hoping she would talk about the fantasy casting of Ed, but yeah, based on the published date, she / staff were thinking about a different Yamada.]

──The protagonist, Ed, is played by Ryosuke Yamada, a member of Hey! Say! JUMP.

Didn’t Yamada-san appear in “Grasshopper” (the movie was released in 2015)? So when Director Sori (Fumihiko) told me, "I want to cast Yamada-kun as Ed", my first thought was, "Oh, that killer!" (laughs).

── (Laughs) Yamada-san was playing the role of a knife wielding killer in "Grasshopper."

I thought Yamada-san's movements in that movie were amazing. At his opening scene he was getting rid of a gang of thugs, the way he killed them was like a dance. Since [watching that movie], I absolutely think that he will be great with action scenes. The director also mentioned that, and actually, when I saw the [finished “Fullmetal Alchemist” movie], Yamada-san was even able to perform the action scenes in a comical way like they were in the manga. Ed in the manga rarely runs in a cool way (laughs). Yamada-san even conveyed that [detailed] movement strongly.

See the scene from Grasshopper here:

youtube

── Certainly, in the [early] scene where Ed was running, I thought "Oh, that's how Ed runs!” Yamada-san himself seemed to be committed to [this style of] running; he said he was influenced by the manga.

There was a hasty desperation in the running, and he did it in a comical way just like the manga. Ed’s comical but great physicality was on full display in the opening action scene, and I thought, "He is as good as I expected, this guy!"

The “Leaving the job to the Specialists” Stance

── By the way, like Yamada-san, Tsubasa Honda-san who plays Winry and Hongo Kanata-san who plays Envy are also long-time fans of "Fullmetal Alchemist”.

Looks like it. That said, I feel bad that they might feel bound by the image from reading the manga. Because I don’t not mind having them perform with their own interpretation [of their respective characters].

── Didn’t Arakawa-san give any orders to the cast or the director?

I checked the script that was submitted, but basically, I left [the making of the film] to the director. It's just not how I do things, I think believe in “leaving the job to the specialists”. So I simply think, "I'm looking forward to the finished work." That was the case with the anime as well, but I feel that I should “apologize for being an author who does not work" (laughs).

── So it is best to leave the animation to the anime producers and the filming to live action producers.

Yes. I think that there is no need [for them] to worry about the original work separately. So I said, "please do whatever you want.” I am the type that do not care about how the character looks visually as long as the [essence of the] character is expressed, so when I first saw Winry, who is originally blonde, I asked myself, "does Winry have to be blonde?" Actually, when Winry’s blonde hair became brunette, it matched the background colour in the train scene, it looked like it fit right in! If a character stands up [to the original] in a live action adaptation, I think that it is perfectly fine even if there are changes from the original. That's why Tucker-san (played by Yo Oizumi) who has a lot of hair also exists (laughs).

── Ahaha (laughs).

I am interested in Oizumi-san because he is also from Hokkaido. He is the star of Hokkaido (laughs). In the movie, there were a lot of Tucker, when I saw it, I thought “Ooh, you have come out here.” It was also a highlight.

── How about the other cast?

I was shaken by Colonel Mustang’s (played by Dean Fujioka) coolness. Hughes-san (played by Ryuta Sato) was still Hughes (laughs). For Ed and Winry, it seemed that Yamada-san and Honda-san were already on good terms, so it was very good that they were able to make use of this delicious feeling. And as expected, the Homunculus group was amazing ....

── The degree of realization of the Homunculus group of Lust, Envy, and Gluttony was especially high. When the visuals were revealed at the fan event, a loud cheer erupted from the crowd.

I never thought Matsuyuki (Yasuko)-san would accept [the offer] to play the role (of Lust) (laughs). Uchiyama (Shinji)-san conveyed the bad feelings of Gluttony, right? Hongo (Kanata)-san’s Envy also felt very cocky. Jun Kunimura-san who played Marcoh did not appear a lot, but he attracted me with his subtle eye acting, which I thought was truly amazing. There were many cast members who usually played as a leading role portrays great supporting roles in this movie, it was truly a magnificent cast.

I purely thought “I want to see it”

── Although you said you basically left the live action adaptation to the director, how did the “Fullmetal Alchemist” that was shot from Director Sori’s point-of-view look through Arakawa-san’s eyes?

Even though I am familiar with the original work, [familiar] scenes were combined with original material for the movie, which gave me a sense of excitement like “what will happen next?” The main story-line was the same as the manga, and the curve-balls they threw [at us within the movie] were interesting. Even though I know the [story] developments, I held my breath in spite of myself when there was a good scene coming up.

── The use of CG for the alchemy scenes was also impressive.

When the movie was in the planning stages, Director Sori said in his meeting with Square Enix, "I could not have done it with the CG technology years ago, but now I can make "Fullmetal Alchemist". Please let me do it." Upon hearing that, I purely thought, "Oh, I'd like to see it."

I am talking about how the presentation of manga will be fused with reality. Even when I look at "Ping Pong" [T/N: a 2002 film directed by Sori], I thought Director Sori was able to effectively use the CG to bring the manga to life, so I was looking forward to seeing [what he did] with "Hagane".

── In this movie, Al was entirely made with CG. In the scene where Ed and Al were fighting, I heard that Yamada-san, who played Ed, had to shoot the [fight] scene hitting at nothing [in real life].

Yes, yes. They made the scene by adding Alphonse’s CG to Yamada-san's acting. When I watched the movie, it seemed like Al was really there and was the one who was beaten. At that time, I kept thinking with my head down about how much time and effort was spent to make this scene. I was surprised at the pace at which Japanese CG is evolving.

Hiromu Arakawa looking back at the manga “Fullmetal Alchemist”

── Even though it has been 7 years after the completion of "Fullmetal Alchemist", it is still beloved by fans all over the world, and there were great reactions when the live action adaptation was announced. What was the reason that drew Arakawa-sensei to draw "Hagane" in the first place?

I enjoyed sketching on my bed, floor, or wherever, so in the beginning, I thought it would be fun to put my work into manga-form. From there, [I did] research on various things like "alchemy" and "philosopher’s stone”. Although there are occult elements, I am someone who has always grown up with “moo” beside me (laughs). As I was looking into this further, I thought "alchemy is interesting", so I added these elements into the story. After that, I felt that the elements related to life such as homonculus cannot be overlooked, so I should include them as well. I was inundated with thoughts about life, so the philosophical question, “what does it mean to be living?”, became the central pillar that filled the pages of the story.

── I think the heavy human drama is the charm of "Fullmetal Alchemist".

"Hagane" was quite hard[core] from the opening scene. One person had parts of his body taken from him, and another had his whole body taken. I had to enter the story from this deeply emotional place. As it was a departure from my favourite type of [positive energy filled] shonen manga, I continued drawing with the intention to not make it dull for the readers. I added comical elements, or tried to put in scenes to give readers a break [from the tension]. Since I drew [the manga] with this balance in mind, the end result had that sort of [frenetic] energy.

── Within the serious developments [of the story], comical elements were inserted to lighten the heavy narrative; it is one of the reasons why “Fullmetal Alchemist” is loved by so many people. Previously, in a magazine interview that was published immediately after completion, someone asked you, "What does Arakawa-san think is the greatest appeal of the work?", and Arakawa-san answered, “I do not quite understand.”

Ahaha (laughs).

── Since seven years have passed, and having viewed the work [again] through a different medium like a live action movie, I think you would be able to view parts of it more objectively, so I ask again, why you do you think people love “Fullmetal Alchemist”?

Where to begin… Whether it is an anime, a game, or this movie, the story is filled with “brotherly love” and “brotherly bond”, so objectively speaking, I think that is it.

── Even for Arakawa-san, was there any part that you really cherish and felt really important to draw?

It was the sins and burdens that the brothers were carrying after committing the forbidden act of human transmutation. Since there were two people who had this awareness, I felt that it was important that they took care of each other. As for me, Ed was Ed and Al was Al, and since I wanted each of them to be his own person, I drew Alphones as Alphonse, not the brothers of the Fullmetal Alchemist. Even in the manga, the brothers had been separated and faced different battles, like the scene where Alphonse said “I have to do it” and advanced steadily. You also see Ed worrying a bit about his younger brother, so I really cherished the parts where Ed and Al respected each other.

Thank you for making this a celebration!

── The moviegoers will get a souvenir of a "Special edition comics" that includes new episodes specifically drawn for this film.

It was about seven years since I last drew the manga! In the beginning, I was worried [with things like] “can I still draw it”, “the pictures, did it change [from before]?” (laughs). The feelings for the characters came back quickly, so I was OK, and [the thoughts] got changed into pictures one after another. In between, I also drew a little bit for the “Fullmetal Alchemist Exhibition” and I was relieved because [my drawing style] had not changed so much (laughs).

── In addition to the movie this year, there is also the "Fullmetal Alchemist Exhibition", since you have to draw the new episodes, your encounter with the work has increased again. Compared to the serialization, has there been changes in how you approach the work?

At the time of serialization, I had to have an awareness of the various [responsible] parties, but now, there was an air of excitement surrounding me, so I felt like I was riding the wave and my concern for the various parties was unexpectedly low. I saw it as, "It’s a celebration! Wohoo!" (laughs). "Thank you for making it a celebration! Let’s get excited together!"

── It seems that Arakawa-san yourself is enjoying this the most (laughs). After all, "Fullmetal Alchemist" is a very popular work, so I think a lot of people felt a bit uneasy when it comes to live action.

When I read hear that a manga I am reading is getting the live action treatment, I am the type who thinks "you can see a new ●●!". Even though if I saw differences from the manga, I don’t think about things like, "Eh, that is not the image [of ●●]", [rather,] I enjoyed the differences, like “oh, they did it this way!” I feel that it is fun to think about “How do they convey the intention of the creator in this scene?”

── I see. You are coming from the point of view of the creator a little bit here.

I maybe looking at this from the point of view from a creator. When [the film] contained elements different from the original, I felt that there is a spirit of trying something new. An adaptation is a new challenge in the first place, so I felt that it is a kind of frontier spirit. "Hagane" had already been the animation and games treatment, in addition to the live action adaptation, will [it be adapted to yet another medium]? However, with each adaptation, I think I will look forward to it (laughs). But then, everyone had their own image of Ed and Al firmly planted in their heads, so [I understand why] people felt uneasy.

──I think that Arakawa-san’s Ed and Al have been around forever.

That means that everyone has been reading it. Thankfully. Manga is manga, anime is anime, so as long as [the story] is firmly in your mind, it will not be destroyed [by another work], so I think that it would be fun [when you watch the film] by not taking it so seriously, like, "Oh? A new challenger is coming?"

── In that sense, Arakawa-san is having fun at this "Celebration!", and that it is good to go with the feeling of “Let’s all go celebrate together!”

#fullmetal alchemist #fma #fma live action #translations #interviews #arakawa hiromu #hiromu arakawa #comic natalie #yamada ryosuke #honda tsubasa #hongo kanata #dean fujioka #matsuyuki yasuko

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aryas · 7 years ago

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Targ Restoration Rant (aka I made the mistake of venturing into the pro -Targaryen tag & discourse)

"You know nothing, Jon Snow. A true man steals a woman from afar, t'strengthen the clan. Women who bed brothers or fathers or clan kin offend the gods, and are cursed with weak and sickly children. Even monsters." --- Ygritte, ASOS

Clearly, GRRM has never painted Cersei x Jaime or Craster x his daughters in a very favourable light. But suddenly, incest between the 2 good and heroic guys (though the jury is still out on Daenerys) of the story is a-ok? Is it because they are a couple of magic übermenschen and are thus above morality and law of nature? Am I supposed to think GRRM now advocates for incest? But only under certain conditions, only when it involves the special and God-like Targaryens? Why do fans suddenly rejoice about this and wish for a Targ restoration? What kind of fresh hell has this fandom turned into?

[Cut for length]

Their main argument seems to be

Jon and Dany are nephew/aunt which is not considered incest in Westeros so it's all good! No one would bat an eye because even outside the Targs, there are cases of avunculate marriages.

And then they bring up the two known cases; Jonnel x Sansa Stark and Edric x Serena Stark. The former was (probably) a purely political union without issue. The latter did yield heirs but Serena was the daughter of Edric's half brother, so they weren't as closely related (same goes for Sansa, who was Serena's sister and Jonnel's half brother's daughter). Both probably happened for political/practical reasons and to solve major succession issues as Rickon Stark & Jeyne Manderly had two daughters but no male heir.

This comparison is not a very pertinent one because a marriage between Jon & Daenerys would be neither purely political nor practical as they are already involved and supposedly in love. Additionally, what kind of political gain would there be for either of them if we assume Jon's true parentage will be revealed publicly, combined with his ostensible betrayal of bending the knee and falling for a "foreign whore woman" (from the Northern lords' viewpoint), resulting in the loss of his already tenuous hold over the North or the election of another KitN or QitN? Over the last few seasons, the show dropped numerous anvil sized hints about how unwelcome foreign leaders are in the North, especially Targaryens. The Northern lords were already ready to unname Jon because they deemed he'd been away too long. It makes little sense that a Jon x Daenerys marriage would placate them post R+L=J unless they inexplicably decide to suddenly support what would essentially be the restoration of a dynasty they despise. It would also mean R+L=J and Jon's actions in season 7 (i.e bending the knee to a Targaryen, consorting with said Targaryen while being a secret Targaryen himself) would have little to no long-lasting effect and any conflict it caused would be resolved by a marriage that would have happened anyway if Jon had remained Ned's natural son.

Jon wouldn't need Daenerys if he decides to pursue the Iron Throne since his claim trumps hers. What's more, the people of Westeros are more likely to accept him as king of the 7 kingdoms over Daenerys given his Stark blood and the fact that he was raised and groomed for leadership in Westeros. He could potentially have the loyalty and allegiance of the Starks and their bannermen, the Wildlings, the Reach (through Sam), the Iron Islands (through Theon), the Vale (through Sansa and Sweetrobin) and possibly the Riverlands (through his Stark cousins' Tully heritage), in contrast to Dany whose sole remaining Westerosi ally is Jon. If they were to support a Targaryen candidate for the Iron Throne, I think they would favour Jon alone (or you know, married to someone who isn't a Targaryen conqueror).

And while Daenerys could absorb Jon's claim (and potential allies- though again, why would they support Jon x Daenerys over Jon on his own?) and make hers stronger by marrying him, she doesn't need him to lay claim to the 7 kingdoms either, what with her dragons and huge armies. Moreover, an "alliance" - if you can call giving up your kingdom as such - already exists with Jon seemingly having pledged himself to her and Daenerys naming him Warden of the North. She would have been better off marrying someone else to extend or strengthen her control over other regions and territories if there weren't so few candidates left on the show. The most logical way to strike an alliance would have been to marry Jon while he was KitN, pre parentage reveal, but for some obscure reason, the show completely bypassed this option.

But R+L=J turns everything upside down and Jon, once revealed as a trueborn Targaryen, would need to marry into a Northern house if he wants to keep/take back his kingship of the North. Marrying Daenerys would only strengthen his ties to the South and house Targaryen, which would be counterproductive and work against the desired outcome- uniting North & South or two major Houses.

In short, neither party would truly benefit politically from a marriage if Jon's parentage is made public and/or he ultimately loses the North, which is very likely. This is particularly true for Jon. Only Daenerys could somewhat profit from a political union but it would be at the risk of becoming Jon's queen consort in practice if not on paper (something I doubt she would accept) and, more importantly, it would be opening a whole can of worms given the stigma of Targaryen x Targaryen unions.

Because no matter of how (un)common and (un)acceptable avunculate marriages are in the universe of Westeros, Targ restoration fans usually ignore the fact that it wouldn't be just any nephew/aunt, it would be a full Targaryen union, which would have wholly different connotations for the people of Westeros given the fairly recent trauma of their reign. A reign that ended with a mad king whose madness is believed to be hereditary and blamed on generations of close interbreeding. I doubt the people of Westeros would readily accept a Targ power couple back at the helm if they have any say in it.

Plus, Daenerys' first impression didn't exactly help matters: a Targaryen conqueror with huge armies and grown dragons in tow who roasted a father and a son of a prominent House alive and destroyed the last harvest of the Reach in the beginning of winter and unwittingly handed over the greatest weapon of all times to their greatest enemy of all times and indirectly caused the Wall to fall and wants to marry her only other living Targaryen relative, of all people? The sense of déjà vu would be pretty disconcerting, to say the least.

These Pro-Targ fans also tend to dismiss the fact Jon & Daenerys are genetically closer to full siblings than aunts/nephews by claiming modern notions such as DNA conveniently have no bearing in a medieval-fantasy setting such as ASOIAF. In other words, people in-universe wouldn't realise or be bothered that Jon & Daenerys are more closely related (44-47%) than typical nephew/aunt (25%). I think they must have an inkling of the notion and dangers of consanguinity, however basic it may be, if cousin marriages are considered quite normal for the highborn while anything involving more closely related people is frowned upon or downright forbidden. As mentioned previously, even the two known cases of avunculate unions were between uncles and their half nieces, their degree of consanguinity being thus less than that of full uncle/niece and comparable to first cousins (12,5%). So people could at least vaguely understand that Jon & Daenerys share a higher degree of consanguinity than their relatedness would suggest.

All this begs the question; if GRRM wants the restoration of this dynasty and wants us to perceive this as a positive development, wouldn't he aim to improve it and stop the perpetuation of the very proclivity that precipitated their downfall and was at the root of so much suffering in Westeros? Would he "reward" an incestuous and destructive house by having it win out while others are extinct/on the brink of extinction?

If there is supposed to be a Targaryen reinstatement, there has to be a clean break from this dynasty's nefarious characteristics and habits i.e. imperialism, tyranny and incest. What would otherwise be the narrative point of Robert's (very justifiable) Rebellion and everything that unfolded in its aftermath? There should be some kind of progress. Jon & Daenerys, if they decide to take back the IT and get married after the R+L=J reveal, would mean regression. It would be synonymous with more incest, more super inbred and possibly cray-cray Targ heirs and more political (and genetic) isolationism. And with 2 grown dragons/WoMD (if they survive), their reign would equal more subjugation, intimidation and fear for the people of Westeros, even if Jon & Daenerys' initial intentions would be to create a new and better world. In other words, a repeat of everything that was toxic and problematic about the Targaryen dynasty. This scenario seems particularly unlikely when you take the author's personal anti-war/WoMD stance into account.

And lastly, this is what GRRM said about Targcest:

"The Targaryens have heavily interbred, like the Ptolemys of Egypt. As any horse or dog breeder can tell you, interbreeding accentuates both flaws and virtues, and pushes a lineage toward the extremes."

ASOIAF is a meditation on war, power and corruption but it's also a story about extremes --- wights/WW/Ice vs Fire/Daenerys/dragons, the inevitable clash and destruction they bring about and the importance of seeking balance, moderation and finding a middle ground in all things: justice instead of vengeance, sovereignty instead of oppression etc. Even Jon himself is the embodiment of the metaphorical balance between ice and fire. As such, the Targaryens/Targcest can be viewed as another extreme to be avoided. It's the antithesis of "balanced". What he says about accentuating both flaws and virtues is evocative of this famous passage:

"King Jaehaerys once told me that madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin. Every time a new Targaryen is born, he said, the gods toss the coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land."

Some Targaryen fans like to think what the coin metaphor refers to is nothing but a myth but I would think the fact the author alludes to it in the above quote kind of refutes this theory. I also happen to think Jon & Daenerys each represent one facet of the coin. This analogy also effectively illustrates how unstable and inconsistent Targaryen rule truly was and could be again. Even if Jon & Daenerys end up being fair and progressive monarchs, what of their inbred children? On which side will the coin land for them? If there is anything Westeros needs after years of war waging, power struggles, political instability and the probably disastrous aftermath of the battle against the Others, it's consistency and stability.

Furthermore, the fact GRRM compares them to the Ptolemaic dynasty is not exactly a ringing endorsement. The Ptolemys were originally from Macedonia/Greece and ruled for close to 300 years over Egypt. Because they never deigned to mix their blood with outsiders and only wed brother/sister and occasionally uncle/niece and cousins, they never actually became Egyptian. Even Cleopatra was genetically Greek. They didn't assimilate with the local people, culture or language (Cleopatra being the only one who bothered to learn the language) and justified their incest by drawing comparison to Greek mythology and thus perceived themselves as Gods. The intermarriages also exacerbated feelings of jealousy and rivalry. Complot and murder within the family were a common occurrence. Aside from a couple of exceptions, they were quite inept rulers and the last +/- 200 years of their reign kind of sucked.

Sounds familiar? In broad strokes, this is pretty much a copy/paste of the history of the Targaryens. Does this sound like something we're supposed to root for? Their reign ended when Egypt submitted to Roman rule. And no, there was no Ptolemaic restoration.

#anti targaryen #anti targaryen restoration #aegony #anti jonerys #incest in asoiaf #anti targcest #fandom wank #jon snow #daenerys targaryen #an aegony political marriage #pre parentage reveal? sure. post parentage reveal? nope #got politics #got meta #parallels with irl history #*mine

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havegaysex · 4 years ago

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This is just a train of thought essay, I guess to get some feelings out so I can process them, because I don't have therapy this week and it's my first week off since starting treatment and I've been doing a lot of processing on my own but it's hard when I get stuck in loops because I don't remember what I just said, if you do for some reason decide to read this, trigger warnings for abuse and CSA and probably other stuff but I don't know

I use speech to text and sometimes mumble or talk too fast so there may be some weird wording but I don't want to proof this.

I really hope Tumblr cuts this off so there's a read more, I'm doing it from mobile and I don't know how to make that happen on the phone app

I started learning about dissociative identity disorder because I have a friend who has it, and before she told me about her diagnosis she sent me some YouTube videos and some reading on it I guess to kind of gauge my reaction before telling me, which is understandable,

and then my brain being what it is and having a huge special interest in psychology I hyper fixated on it for a bit,

and I started this research deep dive after I started therapy, and I started realizing that my therapist has been pointing out things that are symptoms of a dissociative disorder for a little bit now, which would explain a lot of things that I haven't been able to get explained with other physical or mental diagnoses

and she gave me a referral for "diagnostic clarity" and I'm just waiting for that to go through, and I'm not self-diagnosing but I feel like I relate way too much to DID and OSDD to be singlet (not system),

and I had no idea that any of this stuff wasn't normal because my whole life was just focused on survival and my brain did what it needed to so that I could survive the highly abusive and volatile environment I grew up in, and now that I am halfway out a lot of stuff is starting to surface that was suppressed or hidden before,

I used to be really high functioning towards the end of high school because it was avoidance, I spent 14 hours a day at school and completed over a year and a half's worth of classes in one semester to get caught up after failing, and then college started out rough but it started getting okay my second semester, and then covid hit which caused me to have to withdraw because I couldn't do online school, and now I'm taking a semester off to do intense mental health and physical health therapy,

and I don't know how to function,

I don't know how to function without being in a high pressure environment where I'm scared of verbal, emotional, and occasionally physical abuse,

Now that I'm existing in a space where I have privacy and I'm allowed to have feelings and thoughts of my own I don't know how to take care of myself,

At first I thought I was just depression and maybe for a little bit it was because I have a bit of seasonal effective disorder, and one of my friends went a few states away and he's going to be gone for almost a year, and I went through some other stuff that definitely should trigger depression

But after getting my physical pain under control again, and increasing and being better at taking my antidepressants regularly and realizing that it's so much more,

I was never allowed to become my own person and have a solid sense of identity, because self-expression was punished I became as my therapist says "fragmented" and I learned to suppress a lot of parts of myself,

I have huge gaps in my memory and people I know now who knew me back then have talked about things that I supposedly did and said and the person I supposedly was during some of those gaps and I just don't understand who they're talking about, I know to them that person and me are the same person but to me they're talking about someone that I don't know, I have no recollection of ever being that person,

At my last in-person therapy appointment she had me start telling her The narrative of my life and at first I thought I didn't have many memories from before 5 years old but it's like she had a switch in me and once I started I just kept going and I feel like I haven't fully been the same person since that session because it pulled something from deep within me that I haven't been able to put back in its box,

And it's been getting worse the farther I get from that visit

For the past week I've probably eaten two days worth of food and I've maybe had four days of water, because my body just can't handle eating and drinking as much as it should for being this size, I don't like feeling like my body is too big for me, I feel like I'm in a grown-up's body and I'm still a kid but I know that I'm an adult, I'm expected to do adult things even though I have no idea how to start doing that, because on top of abuse holding me back and mental health issues I have physical health issues that make it impossible for me to do a lot of minimum wage jobs,

I don't have fully realized different parts of myself the way it seems like a lot of people with dissociative identity disorder do, but I definitely feel like a different version of me is running the show sometimes and I don't understand the actions of my past self because that's something my current self would never ever do or think or feel or say,

And I've always had a kind of discomfort in my body because of dysphoria as well as being bullied for my appearance and having adults make comments on my body when I was way too young as well as being groomed by pedophiles and then having my mom threatened to kill herself over it instead of sitting down with me and having an actual conversation about how starting to have sexual feelings wasn't that horrible but it was the fact that I was talking to adults who were four times my age that was the problem,

And on top of that I went through Catholic School as a girl who was realizing that she was into other girls

And my personal Catholic School experience told me that sex was wrong unless it was for the purpose of procreation and female sexual pleasure is always wrong and homosexuality is also always wrong and that I need to be thoroughly ashamed of being this way because I am having eternal damnation over this thing that I have no choice in,

Recently every time that I try to exist as a sexual human being I experienced the personalization and I stopped being able to look at any piece of my body and I have to avoid mirrors for my reflection because it makes me feel so mentally and physically uncomfortable because in my head that's not me and that's not my body, even though I know both of those are false it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin,

It's so hard to do basic self-care things because in where I'm living right now I can't shower in the dark because I'm not familiar with the shower which means that either I shower in my clothes or I don't bathe at all, and because I can't drink the tap water here I've been getting dehydrated because sometimes I love tea especially green tea, but sometimes I can't stand the taste of it and I just want plain water which I don't have here,

Don't get me wrong this living situation is insane amount better than previous ones, and up until the past week and a half or so I was functioning adequately, but it's like pieces of me that I had to walk away are coming out now and they don't know how to function in any environment but especially in this one where we don't fear getting kicked out over something like not doing the dishes correctly, and I have more privacy than I've had in the past 10 years combined, and it's weird to me I think autonomy, when I go back to my abusive environment I don't have this kind of autonomy, it sucks because in one environment I feel like I have too much autonomy even though I have a very healthy amount of autonomy for my age, and in the other environment I don't have enough even though even theere I have more autonomy than I've ever had because I fought tooth and nail for it, but it's still way less than I should have

I don't know how to exist and feel comfortable anywhere, I don't know how to take care of myself anymore, and I know this won't last because none of my moods/thought patterns ever do, but it'll likely come back because they tend to come back,

I feel like I've been in a dissociative fog for the past few months and sometimes I'm highly functional and I get a lot of things done but sometimes I can't even brush my teeth or eat anything, because my mouth feels so different and I can't tolerate things being in my mouth,

Nothing that I do feels right, video games I used to enjoy, TV shows, movies, food, music, at best I just don't get the full enjoyment of it that I usually do, at worst it triggers a negative mood because I'm reminded of how much I don't feel like myself right now,

And the isolation of being in a global pandemic doesn't help, texting people is great but you can't get held while you cry over text,

It could be worse I suppose because at least I know that how I'm feeling and thinking right now won't last, in previous bad mental health episodes one of the fears I would have is that I would be stuck that way, and now I know better than to think that which definitely helps eliminate or at the very least minimize the feelings of hopelessness and despair

#dont reb/og #personal #trauma things

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tesshex · 5 years ago

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So Basically I Had Some Dreams Last Night And I Don’t Want To Forget Them But I Don’t Have Anywhere Else To Put Them, So

(Content warnings: guns, death, mental health-adjacent institutionalisation ...that makes it sound worse than it is, I promise)

So, my dreams usually come in fragments, so I’ll try to describe each distinct part as best I can (knowing full-well that my words can never truly do justice to my dreams, but they should at least be enough to remind me of what I saw, and, to an extent, that’s enough for me). Also, I have no way of recalling in what order these dreams happened, so I’ll just mention them in whatever order makes the most narrative sense.

DREAM 1: A HOTEL AND A HOLIDAY, BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME

Honestly, I think these two fragments weren’t even part of the same dream, but I’ll list them together anyway. I was a cleaner(?) who worked at a fancy, pseudo-futuristic hotel located near to where dream-me lived, which borrowed at least some design elements from my warped memories of my university days; and I was friends with the two guys who worked at the front desk.

I had to clock in with said guys, who would give me a special room key (which just looked like a train-ticket) that they scanned through the system to give me all the relevant permissions. This time, though, they somehow gave me an entire stack of key-cards without realising, and at first, I thought, “Wahey, now I can come and go as I please, no matter whether I’m supposed to be here or not!~”, but then I realised, “huh, the system probably kept a record of dishing out so many key-cards at once, so even if I did use them for nefarious ends-- not that I would-- they’d still be able to trace it back to me. Damn.”

Nothing came of this in the end.

Probably a separate fragment, but I recall hearing that a bunch of my colleagues had to fly to Taiwan(?) for some kind of business-trip, and I was invited to go with them. I declined at first, then accepted, then declined again, but then, on the day of the business trip, despite thinking, “naw, I don’t have time to be on a plane for that long,” I had gone with them anyway, except instead of Taiwan, we were in the Netherlands.

Note, we were still halfway across the world. Just, so was the Netherlands. We had touched down at 5pm my-time, but the Netherlands (despite being near China, in this dream), was one hour ahead, so that put it at 6pm. My brain decided to apply this logic twice, so it was 7pm, and everywhere was starting to close for the night.

There wasn’t an airport so much as just a train-station (I dream of train-stations a lot), and I got to the ticket-gate that kept me inside the station unless I could prove I had a ticket...but there was a combination Starbucks-and-Subway to the right of the ticket-gate that I wandered through, and, sure enough, there was a completely unhindered exit out the other side of the establishment (meaning that anyone could go in or out of the station without a ticket if they walked through this open-air-but-it’s-indoors sandwich-and-coffee shop. Neither the owners of the train-station nor any of the other passengers seemed to be aware of this Life Hack™).

I was looking for somewhere, but I don’t know where, since I was just there for leisure, despite travelling there as part of a business-trip group. Amongst other things, there was a derelict library straight ahead, and two funfairesque shopping-districts-- one to the left, and one to the right. The one on the right had a high-speed tram-like thing what was huge and would do laps around the district at unfair speeds, so getting hit by it was a pretty likely outcome if you weren’t paying any attention. I caught sight of a branch of CeX on that side (but the shop signs were all spherical LED things with the shop logos scrolling around them, rather than just...y’know, signs), and then I lost sight of it again.

So, I went to the derelict library, poked around inside for a bit, tried to live, and then couldn’t, because it was old and off-limits; so I had to leave via a fire-exit that opened out onto the right-hand shopping-funfair situation. As I was leaving, the owner of the abandoned library emerged on the fire-exit of the floor above. She was a middle-aged woman (maybe older) and was worried that someone with malicious intent had broken into her old-ass library. I kept still for a moment, thinking, “She can’t see me because I’m directly beneath her”, and that worked until I thought, “ah, fuck it” and made a break for it, fleeing the fire-exit and escaping out into the concourse. Her reaction was, “I KNEW there was someone in here-- ah, whatever” (but in Dutch). Needless to say, she didn’t bother pursuing me.

Inside this shopping-centre-fairground (the one with the giant murdertram was outdoors and open-air; this one, on the other side, was indoors, and similar to a shopping-centre near where real-world I actually live), there were a bunch of, like, amusement-arcade games (not arcade-arcade games; I mean, like, the “put a coin in and it pushes other coins” machines; that sort of thing). I, though, was still on the hunt for that CeX I had seen earlier, despite being on exactly the wrong side of town. Despite this, I found it anyway. It looked closed, but the doors were open anyway, so my friend Laura (who was with me just for this part) and I went in.

It looked like a giant warehouse, and you had to go down some stairs from the entrance in order to actually get in. We crossed the threshold, and this traffic-light-looking thing above the stairs turned red and an alarm started going. Real-me would be so much more afraid of that, but dream-me was like, “oh, huh, burglar alarm. Guess it’s closed after all,” and we gave up and left. Again, no consequences came of that. And that’s all I remember from the Taiwanetherlands.

DREAM 2: I’LL BELIEVE THAT SCOREBOARD WHEN I SEE IT

Somehow, I had missed the entirety of the final of Eurovision 2020, but had tuned in just in time to catch the very tail-end of the results. To keep it brief:

1st place: Australia 2nd place: United Kingdom (which I doubt, but whatever. We were represented by some kind of Take That-esque boyband, I think; rumours for this year indicate our entry will probably be exactly the opposite of that) Either 3rd or 4th place: Estonia The other out of 3rd and 4th: I don’t remember 5th place: San Marino (represented by a group called “Har Har Har Har Har”, and I only remember that because I remember thinking, “heh, that’s as many words as the place they got on the scoreboard”, whereas real me would be like, “HOLY SHIT SOON MOO, GLOW-UP OF THE CENTURY WITH THAT RESULT??”) 6th place: Italy (whose music-video featured gratuitous nudity that was censored on the artist’s YouTube channel, but was completely visible on the Eurovision channel-- which is completely backwards from how it would probably be IRL, but my sources tell me that Italy’s entrant this year probably wouldn’t do that anyway. I should know, myself, by now, but I haven’t gotten around to it).

Again, I think this was technically a different dream, but it feels like it happened around the same time. So, my father and I were in this suburban pharmacy of some kind, quoting this video back and forth at each other, and there was a game-show of some kind on TV...because there was a TV in the pharmacy. Sure. Whatever,

Anyway, the question that came up was, “Borrowed from Italian, what is the name for [THIS]”-- I forget how they described it, but I just understood that what they were referring to was the act of extending a house by modifying the roof such that the attic-space of said house now had a “proper” ceiling. Like, if you took a house whose roof looks like an upside-down V, then added a horizontal line extending from the apex of the V, stopping at the same “across-ness” as the edge of the V as it already is, then connected the edge of the V with the end of this line and turned the newly-reacted triangular space into an extension of a room... Yeah, that.

My father was insistent that it was named after the hole you put letters-et-cetera through upon delivery to an address, so I said, “ahh, I should know this. It’s, like, “postrella”, or something.”

Incidentally, if anyone actually knows what I’m referring to-- if, indeed, it has a name-- please, please hit me up.

DREAM 3: THE ONE THE CONTENT-WARNINGS WARNED YOU ABOUT

I don’t remember how this one was set up, but let’s just dive right in: I was the target of a five-person chain of stalkers, all of whom had histories of internet illegalities. Some of them had online personas that differed from their real-world selves. One of them, for instance, was a woman pretending to be a man. That sort of thing. And I say they were a “chain”, because it was something like, one of them would get supplies for their illegal behaviour from another, who would source their whatevers from another, and so on and so on.

Anyway, somehow, with my help, the police had not only stopped them; they had tracked them down and physically apprehended them; and they, and I (along with my parents) were taken to a giant (and I mean GIANT) institution-like facility. Driving up to it, it’s like this huge, old building from however many centuries ago (bear in mind that I’m British. That shit is normal over here.), that’s clearly been repurposed into this. Just the front gate is the size of a god-damn castle. I was even more surprised to realise that said gate was one of THREE. The way in we used required turning left; but turning right or going straight on at that junction would lead to two MORE castle-sized gates, because the compound was just that huge.

So, we get inside, and my parents have to go on ahead of me for whatever reason, so I have to cross the internal gardens-or-whatever-they-were, while squadrons of Girl Guides/Scouts of varying ages, led by middle-aged scout-leaders (all female) marched around army-style.

I found my way to the right indoor area, and, after wandering some slightly graffiti’d corridors, I found the room I was supposed to be in, where my parents and my “case-worker” or whatever were waiting. The room itself had a load of signs made of neon lights, all bearing logos of brands, for some reason (CNN and the like; you’ll want to remember these for later); and there was a sectioned-off area to the right, with one of those curtains like you get in hospital wards, to separate it off from the main body of the room. That’s where I needed to be; and we all knew what was about to go down.

So, I joined my parents and case-worker inside the sectioned-off bit, behind the curtain, and then, one by one, each of the chain of stalkers were led in (each not being brought in until the previous one had...ahem, “left”). I word it like that because they were straight-up there to be executed, which begs the question of why I needed to be there at all, considering I hadn’t had to ID them or anything, and I could only watch the proceedings if I chose to-- which I chose not to.

One by one, they would be brought in, and...I don’t actually know if they were lain down, or made to kneel or what, but each one would be shot in the head at point-blank range. This would usually be enough to kill them, but two of them-- I don’t remember which two; just that they were non-consecutive in the “running order”-- survived the first shot and required a second. I remember covering my ears for each one, knowing that it would be loud.

Surprisingly, it was silent, save for the ambience of the room and the sound of each gunshot. No conversation, no pleading for their lives, no taunting or clinical talk from the people running the show. It was just an accepted matter of discourse, apparently.

Once all five had been despatched, we were allowed to leave, and on the way out, we noticed that the neon signs from before were, like, 3D sculptures, sort of; and each logo looked like a logo from most angles, but if you stood in the rough area where each to-be-executed-person was made to stand(? kneel? lie?), they instead all read “uh oh”. Aaaaanyway, we headed back out to the courtyard area with the marching groups of girls. I picked up a tree-branch that had some grape-like fruits (larger than grapes, but not by a huge margin) growing on it, and idly carried it with me for a while, before one of the middle-aged group-leaders sternly told me to put it down, so I did. We were going to leave, then, but as we were driving out, I noticed the other two huge-ass gates and gained this sudden appreciation for how even-huger-than-previously-thought this place was.

This somehow served as a transition to me being one of the “patients” at the facility-- because it wasn’t all criminals on Death Row; it was also kind of a mental hospital of some kind..? And I had developed a steady friendship with one of the people who worked there. I don’t remember her name, but I know we at least ate together, at the same table in a huge, Hogwarts-esque dining hall in the right-hand compound. Food was served by a team of dinner-ladies, pretty much; and the one that served our table was this really bitchy, really sour middle-aged woman who had a really bad attitude and hated anyone younger than her on principle.

At first, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and, between courses, I started to write her a card that said something like, “I’m sorry you feel the way you do; if I can help at all, let me know,” but in Russian; but then, as I was doing so, she came to clear the table from the course we had just eaten, and started giving me some of that bad attitude that my friend-colleague-whatever was so afraid of, and so I thought, “oh, right, fuck you, then”.

The rest is a bit of a blur, but I remember heading through the central compound to the left-hand one (they were all connected, after all), and, amongst other things, seeing some crazy machinery that was ostensibly for transporting luggage-et-cetera-- usually vertically, between split floor levels (again borrowing airport/train-station imagery); but some of it looked like a scaled-up version of the flat part of an escalator; and I somehow knew that this machine would move bags-et-cetera between the ground floor and the mezzanine level of this high-ceilinged area perfectly fine; but if a human tried to pass through it-- and it had no guard-rails or anything of the like; it’s a Health & Safety hellscape-- they would be minced alive and that would be that; and the general attitude would hypothetically be, “well, it was your own stupid fault”.

And that’s as far as I can remember. I wonder how many people actually read this~

#dreams #please observe the content warnings

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recentanimenews · 6 years ago

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THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH Relives a Whole Lotta Trauma in Episodes 169-175!

Welcome to THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH! I’m Danni Wilmoth and I’ll be your host this week as we barrel on through all 220 episodes of the original Naruto anime adaptation. After last week’s spooky search for a g-g-g-g-g-ghost in the Land of Birds arc for episodes 162-168, it’s time to flesh out some backstories and meet some less than savory side characters along the way in episodes 169-175. This time around we’re going a little bit back to basics with another Orochimaru-centric filler arc in the Land of Seas, but with a few things that make it stand out from the rest in a pretty positive way! Instead of another ultimately fruitless search for Sasuke, we get to meet back up with Anko -- Chunin Exam proctor and Orochimaru’s former student -- to learn a bit more about her and what it was like to be under Orochimaru’s command (hint: it’s not great.) Additionally, we get an after school special about the dangers of having money as well as an introduction to a new arc about, well, searching for a bunch of money. But before we can see how that arc plays out, we first need to dive in and see what the rest of the Crunchyroll Features team thought about this latest batch of Naruto filler goodness!

Like Randy Owen used to say, you can’t keep a good power-hungry snake man down. Orochimaru is BACK...sort of...These first few episodes were kind of a return to form with the central conflict revolving around Orochimaru’s former associates, only this time more out of chance than a search for Sasuke. How did you feel about Orochimaru’s inclusion in this arc compared to in previous filler arcs? Joseph: I actually thought it was really cool to see Orochimaru more in the light of someone who used to be a teacher. It’s kind of heartbreaking to see the impact of his evil on former disciples like Anko, so it was nice to have a slightly different perspective on the sinister snake boi. Carolyn: I didn’t hate it. It was fine to step away from him for a bit. And it’s fine for him to be back for a spell. Seems like a natural way to sort of steer the story back to Sasuke. And to be honest, I really, really liked this arc, filler or not. Paul: Orochimaru's inclusion in the Land of the Sea story arc works better than in some previous filler arcs specifically because they used it as a means of fleshing out Anko's backstory. Amnesia can be a narrative crutch, but the horror imagery and the self-affirming conclusion were a strong combination, and it was striking to see how Orochimaru's influence still looms large over her. Jared: I think having that long of a break between him being in an arc really helped here. We get a good look at some of the really messed up stuff he’d been doing even when he was still technically with the Leaf, which I think helped make it feel less like filler and more in the style of the earlier arcs. Kevin: Despite my previous grievances with the filler arcs seeming to need to put Orochimaru in everything, I felt like he actually added something this time, rather than being shoehorned in, since he added to Anko’s development. So I liked him being here, probably because it’s not related to the actual mission, but instead is just a coincidence. Kara: As much as I grouse about all evil roads leading back to Orochimaru, I kinda liked this. I also like looking at more reminders of the fact that people didn’t always consider Orochimaru evil. There was a time when people trusted him—hell, the fact that he was a trusted teacher really drives home some of the emotion behind the Leaf Ninja dealing with him. Noelle: I think this was fine, mostly because instead of focusing more on the puppeteering aspect of Orochimaru in the present, this focuses on how he used to be framed. He is still considered part of the Sannin, and once held a lot of respect in the village, and him betraying them all was a vital blow and not just a random ninja running away. I liked it.

Anko’s also back, y’all! She was an early favorite for me when we met her during the Chunin Exams, so it kind of bummed me out when the plot just kind of forgot about her. We also get to see more Ino and Shino in action with Naruto too. How did you feel about this group’s dynamic during these episodes? Joseph: I thought their dynamic was a little stronger than it was in previous filler episodes, but I’ll admit I was glazing over a little once again during this arc. At this point we’re so far away from the actual story of Naruto that I forgot what it’s like. I like Anko being back, though. Carolyn: I liked it. I was a fan of the arc and I was a fan of seeing an old character come back. We keep seeing all these new characters that we have to simultaneously learn the origins of and try to care for. I liked seeing the backstory to someone we already know. I felt like the dynamic was a bit of a return to form, as well. This felt like early Naruto to me. Paul: Bringing back Anko opened up interesting dramatic opportunities, and the showrunners did a good job taking advantage of them. As much as I enjoy Naruto teaming up with supporting characters from other ninja squads, I had a hard time justifying the combo with Shino and Ino here. The three of them seem like the worst possible combination for a naval mission. Amphibious combat doesn't speak to any of their individual strengths. Jared: I’d say the only downside to the group dynamic is they made Ino at times act too much like Sakura would, but other than that I thought it was good. Bringing Anko back in the way they did makes a ton of sense and should have been the case for a lot of other characters. Kevin: Their first reaction was mine, as well. What possible team combination could result from this group? As it turns out, basically nothing, since they fight together, but don’t really work off of each other in any way. It’s not as though I dislike them as a team, there’s just not much material in terms of character dynamics or fighting styles to work off of. The most interesting moments for me were Ino commenting on Naruto’s boundless energy. Kara: Anko’s back! She seemed really fun from the get-go, so I’m glad we’re revisiting her. Ino/Shino/Naruto was surprisingly effective, though I have to admit my favorite part of their team-up was when they were sailing away at the end, and they pan to Ino and Naruto in turn laughing and Shino’s just standing there like a stone-cold weirdo. A+ Noelle: I don’t think it exactly worked per se, but at least they’re trying out something different. If you have a massive cast of characters, then you might as well use them. The filler going this route, even through unconventional combinations of characters (especially since canon tends to keep the teams together), is still something worth exploring.

We’ve talked at length about how filler is usually “plot-proof,” meaning nothing that happens is allowed to forward the plot or alter any characterizations outside of what the source material planned for. So it came as a real surprise to me that the Land of Seas ended up completely reshaping Anko’s established role in the story. In “canon” she’s established as Orochimaru’s former pupil who was cast aside and feels inadequate for it. Now, thanks to this filler arc, she realizes she rejected him of her own volition, absolving herself of the burden that’s defined her so far. Do you think this is a positive development, or did the writers take too many liberties with the characters? Joseph: I don’t recall if Anko is explored much further later, so it seemed like the writers were just able to slip this revelation in without pushing too many other important pieces in the process. I’m glad something positive came of the arc rather than it ending with Naruto farting and making everything that just happened completely pointless. Carolyn: It’s a bit of a cheesy ending, but I thought it was different enough and actually does progress the story to a mild degree. Naruto and friends could at least have a new ally. Paul: I'm not familiar with the manga canon and this is my first time watching the anime, so I can't comment on whether giving Anko a richer backstory feels like the writers are taking liberties. I'm glad that Anko is able to work through a past trauma in a positive way, and it was interesting to see her unconsciously mimicking some of her former teacher's mannerisms (sinister grins, licking her kunai, snake-themed Jutsu, etc.). Jared: Not knowing the actual canon, if they don’t actually go into her backstory at all, I think they actually did a really good job of establishing what happened with her and showing someone that could cast aside Orochimaru’s charismatic ways. When the arc started I thought it was smart that they were going into her backstory since it was brought up very early on, but never really addressed again. Given what we’ve seen with some of the filler thus far, they could’ve easily messed this up, but in all honesty, they really brought their A game here. Kevin: From what I remember of Shippuden, and knowing at least the early parts of Boruto, I might actually consider this the peak of her character. I quite like that they developed her further, and that they gave her younger self some agency in rejecting Orochimaru, even if it may end up contradicting some other character moments as a result. Basically I’m okay with retcons, provided that they result in better characters. Kara: Like a lot of the others, I don’t know the manga. But in general, I am all about characters discovering agency in hurtful and abusive situations. It’s kind of hopeful and encouraging in a way—not all of Orochimaru’s evil is limited to weird ninja magic, and some of his behaviors exist in real-world toxic people. So I love seeing positive examples of taking charge and growing out of that in anime. Noelle: From what I remember, Anko is barely touched upon in the manga and Shippuden, so sure, it’s fine that they manage to reframe her story here. Wouldn’t Kishimoto have to at least approve of these stories anyway? In terms of what was reframed, her original appearance had her more lost, as a victim wanting revenge, having her life stolen away from her. Trying to find the inner strength to regain that-- that’s pretty alright. It adds more depth to her, and I can’t say that’s a negative.

Of course, all good things must come to an end, and so we were introduced to surely the absolute worst character who has and will ever appear in Naruto fiction: a (literal) snot-nosed trust fund brat whose name I forget but detest too much to go look up out of fear that I will once again lay eyes on his incorrigible countenance. We talk a lot about our favorites in these write-ups, but let’s get messy for a bit. Out of all the one-note side characters we’ve met so far on these adventures, which one do you utterly despise the most? Joseph: Gosh, it might be this kid. This felt like some weird two-cent episode of Pokémon than a ninja action show, complete with our requisite moral at the end. The only thing I liked about him was the fact that his nose was so full of snot that the subtitles had him saying Darudo instead of Naruto. Carolyn: Yeah, he’s pretty obnoxious. I honestly can’t say that I’ve truly hated most characters, otherwise. Paul: Kunihisa is the worst kind of stock character, but even though the stereotypical rich kid with a chip on his shoulder feels like lazy writing, I can't work up the passion to despise him, because that would require devoting further energy to the definition of a throwaway character. He sucks, but at least Kunihisa didn't linger like Mizuki, who was poorly written in a way that dominated for several episodes and took the spotlight away from fun characters like Fujin and Raijin. Jared: What a weird episode that was. Even with the way he’s designed, I wasn’t sure if they were trying to be borderline offensive or what. Like Paul says, it helps he really doesn’t stick around past this episode so I think that lessens the blow of him, but oof. Didn’t know we needed to have an after school special about the dangers of greed. Kevin: Basically every character in the show, filler or not, has some kind of redeeming quality, even if it takes time to surface. And then there’s this kid. Kara: I did not like this child. I am having an extremely hard time thinking of another filler character I dislike as much as his child. Noelle: Dear god I hope we never see this kid again. Everyone else might not have clicked with me for various reasons, but this kid was one big nope.

It looks like we’ll have to wait until next time to see the end of the treasure-hunting arc, so let’s set up a fun exercise in the meantime. Put yourself in Tsunade’s shoes for a few moments. You need to put a three person team together to search for some buried treasure to pay off your extreme gambling debts. You have your pick of anyone in the village. There are three catches, though. One: the treasure map is vague and there are probably lots of traps protecting the treasure. Two: you have to make sure it isn’t a team smart enough to figure out you’re sending them on a completely self-serving mission. Three: one of them has to be Naruto. Now, who will be your mission leader, who will be their subordinate, and who will be Naruto? Joseph: I’m gonna have to keep Kiba and Akamaru, because you just can’t kick a dog to the curb when you’re hunting for something. I’d probably go ahead and toss Ino in there as the leader, because she’d be smart about the mission but too annoyed at Naruto being Naruto to think about the true motive behind it. Naruto will be Naruto, naturally. Carolyn: Gosh dangit, they can’t be smart? Can I say Shikamaru anyway because he likely wouldn’t care to tell anyone what’s going on? He would be 1,000 percent smart enough to figure out that vague map. Rock Lee is a good boy and would be loyal and do my bidding and trust that I have good reasons for this shady mission. Naruto will be the leader, Shikamaru will be his subordinate, and Rock Lee will be Naruto. Paul: I hope that Tsunade isn't dumb enough to fall for a trick as blatantly obvious as a sinister dude showing up with a secret treasure map to a hidden cave full of fabulous wealth, so I suspect the real mission is to bust up this ring of face-stealing ninja. If the assignment weren't a set-up, I'd send Naruto, Neji, and Sakura. Neji would be the brains of the operation and he could search for danger with his Byakugan, Sakura would provide support and medical treatment if things turned pear-shaped, and Naruto would disarm traps by blundering into them face-first. Jared: Man, the caveat of the team not being smart makes this tough. I think Rock Lee would be a lock in that case, since he’d just go with whatever if Guy told him it was good. I think I’d cast Shino as leader since we’ve seen him be able to keep Naruto in line at times, but also he could use his bugs to help search in the beginning. That, and you need a straight man to Naruto and Lee’s goofy antics. Kevin: Team leader: Shizune. She already knows about Tsunade’s debts, so can keep quiet about the real reason for the mission, and is also a medical ninja, so fewer and less serious injuries should something go wrong. Naruto: Kiba. He’s good at tracking and knows the area, but is still a Naruto, so he won’t realize what’s going on (I’d send Sasuke as the Naruto due to his ninjutsu power and general competence while not caring enough to wonder about the purpose of the mission, but obviously he can’t really go at the moment). Subordinate: Realistically any combat specialist, but for the sake of team variety let’s go with Lee, since his insane strength could probably help with negating at least some traps, and the team doesn’t have much Taijutsu power yet. Kara: I think there’s actually a lot of wiggle room with the “not smart” caveat. Between keeping Naruto in line and parsing the map, even the most solid team leader won’t have time to question what’s going on. I’m actually going to go with my fanfic filler team from before: Sakura, Rock Lee, and Naruto. Sakura can take point, Lee can be her subordinate because he’s resilient enough to handle any traps, and Naruto will be too busy swooning over Sakura-chyen to have a random mid-episode Wisdom roll crit success. Noelle: Tough to say, but not being too smart would discount the obvious choices of Shikamaru and Sakura, so I’d say team leader would be post-character development Neji, who is calculating enough (and has earned Naruto’s respect at this point), to keep everyone together. It would help that he’s good in combat. For the traps, I’d say Tenten, because she’s a traps and weapons expert, and who better to get around those? Naruto for plot armor.

I can’t think of any snarky ways to ask that haven’t already been done already, so let’s just get to it. Highs and lows? Joseph: My high was seeing Naruto using his shadow clones to play soccer with himself. Of course he’d use them for fun when he’s bored! The low was probably the snot-nosed brat episode. Throwaway Case Closed side character lookin’ turd. Carolyn: I actually really liked seeing Anko learn by identifying with Naruto. We’ve seen him identify with the villains time and again and learn some lesson or other in the process. “I was almost just like them!” I like seeing the other side of the coin. I have a feeling lots of low points are going to be the same here, but yeah, the snot-nosed kid. Paul: My high point was Anko recovering her memories and finding closure with that portion of her past as Orochimaru's student. Addressing past trauma with a healthy resolution that makes a character feel stronger and more in control of their life is always a positive, which is why my low-point is that Isaribi doesn't get a similar conclusion. She's an anime-original character from a filler arc, but couldn't we have a few seconds to confirm that she's got a happy, healthy future ahead of her? Will the townspeople finally accept Isaribi, or will they continue to abuse and mistreat her? Could she relocate to the Village Hidden in the Leaves instead? Give me something. I want to know that the fish girl is okay. Jared: That first arc was just real good in a way I wasn’t expecting. I also enjoyed Naruto’s attempt at playing soccer by himself, but he’s gotta seperate those teams better! Can’t have everyone looking the same! Low point would probably be the rich kid episode. What a weird episode. Kevin: High - Naruto and Isaribi’s relationship throughout the Land of Sea arc. Sure, she ends up being another of the “oh, we’re similar,” situations, but early on Naruto can’t say how they’re similar, so she doesn’t believe him until he’s pushed to the point of showing the Kyuubi’s power. Low - The kid who’s so annoying none of us are even bothering to look up his name. Dishonorable mention - “Sorry, no more ferries today.” “How else can we possibly get to Mother Island?” YOU CAN WALK ON WATER! Kara: High point is the return of Akamaru the Good Boy. Low point is existence of rich child. I don’t care if he learned the value of senseless beauty and hard work, I wish he’d sunk into that bottomless swamp. Noelle: I really liked Anko, because we haven’t seen a lot of her, and what ended up being delivered was pretty satisfactory! I will always happily consume good development. Low point, that kid. I swear, that kid.

COUNTERS: This Week: Bowls of Ramen: 0 + 1 uncountable scene "I'm Gonna be Hokage!": 0 Shadow Clones Created: 22 + 1 variable scene Total so far: Bowls of Ramen: 171 bowls, 9 cups "I'm Gonna be Hokage!": 55 Shadow Clones Created: 683 And that’s it for this week! Remember that you’re always welcome to watch along with the Rewatch, especially if you’ve never seen the original Naruto! Watch Naruto today! Here’s our upcoming schedule: - Next week, JARED CLEMONS leads us to the Hidden Village of Star! - On July 19th, JOSEPH LUSTER is back to continue the Star Guard mission! -And on July 26th, KARA DENNISON returns to guide us through the end of the Peddlers Escort Mission!

CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH!

Episodes 162-168: The Tale of the Phantom Samurai

Episodes 155-161: Quickfire Curry

Epsiodes 148-154: The Forest is Abuzz With Ninjas

Episodes 141-147: Mizuki Strikes Back!

Episodes 134-140: The Climactic Clash

Episodes 127-133: Naruto vs Sasuke

Episodes 120-126: The Sand Siblings Return

Episodes 113-119: Operation Rescue Sasuke

Episodes 106-112: Sasuke Goes Rogue

Episodes 99-105: Trouble in the Land of Tea

Episodes 92-98: Clash of the Sannin

Episodes 85-91: A Life-Changing Decision

Episodes 78-84: The Fall of a Legend

Episodes 71-77: Sands of Sorrow

Episodes 64-70: Crashing the Chunin Exam

Episodes 57-63: Family Feud

Episodes 50-56: Rock Lee Rally

Episodes 43-49: The Gate

Episodes 36-42: Through the Woods

Episodes 29-35: Sakura Unleashed

Episodes 22-28: Chunin Exams Kickoff

Episodes 15-21: Leaving the Land of Waves

Episodes 8-14: Beginners' Battle

Episodes 1-7: I'm Gonna Be the Hokage!

Thank you for joining us for the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH! Have a great weekend, and we'll see you all next time! Have anything to say about our thoughts on Episodes 162-168? Let us know in the comments! Don't forget, we're also accepting questions and comments for next week, so don't be shy and feel free to ask away!

------- Danni Wilmoth is a Features and Social Videos writer for Crunchyroll and also co-hosts the video game podcast Indiecent. You can find more words from her on Twitter @NanamisEgg. Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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sportsbored · 6 years ago

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The chances of Lamar Jackson going to the New York Jets are SIGNIFICANTLY less that zero due to just about every move we’ve made in the offseason

MORE THAN. Twas a typo. I meant MORE than zero.

Soo, I’m already anticipating the downvotes. Why? I won’t shut about Lamar Jackson. I understand. I’m actually annoyed at the amount of hours I’ve invested researching. I used to have a life sobs. But, in my time investigating, I found a lot of things and..

I think we might draft Lamar Jackson.

But I probably can’t convince you that because media and mocks and blah blah. So, I’ll just say:

The chances of Lamar Jackson going to the New York Jets are SIGNIFICANTLY more than zero due to just about every move we’ve made in the offseason

But I’m not basing this off gut or any of that bullshit. I’ve found some interesting quotes from Bowles and info about our personnel that suggest, schematically and philosophically, Lamar is too much of a fit for the direction the team is going in to not be considered. (Please read before you downvote)

Before the draft hype started happening, Josh McCown went on a radio show and was asked what QBs he thought about becoming a QB coach or scout. What he thought of the QBs coming into the draft. Without being asked to comment specifically about Lamar, he went on a spiel about how effective Lamar could be in the passing game with his ability to run and read the field.. Now, I will say, this was before McCown came back to us. He might not even have us in mind. I mean, we all know McCown is vying for a QB coach, or coaching position in general, after he retires. Maybe input on who he likes best? But this was also at a time when the Polian quote was hot. Could mean something...?

Buuut, It also could mean a whole lotta nothing. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

This all starts from a video of Bowles during the combine, explaining why John Morton left. Basically, he said that Morton wasn't the best person for going in the new direction of the team. He said they are trying mesh their run and pass game several times. Hmmm... If you wanted to mesh those two things, there IS one perfect guy... But again, ahead of ourselves. Bowles repeated this several times (seriously it’s funny the way he emphasizes it lol) and, with the moves the FO made, it makes sense.

Jeremy Bates, our new OC, is a West Coast system guy. Besides being a better OC for our newly meshed run pass game, Bates is a stickler for footwork. Here's a cool article about it. Wonder why McCopter's throwing was better this year than you remember in his TB and Browns days? Footwork. Now, everyone - sans Rosen - in this draft class has footwork issues. I won’t act like fixing one of the few valid holes in Lamar’s game (which is the [easy thing to fix)[(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3qDroheNw8)] in a QB btw) makes the Morton connection a special fit for Jackson. But a good system might.

Bates runs a West Coast Offense. The West Coast Offense is perfect for Lamar, as it's centered on short and intermediate passes, timing and anticipation. Coming from an Erhardt-Perkins system (think Patriots, hence the interest), reading defenses was a requirement, and Partrino would actually stop practices when Lamar was tempted to run as an underclassmen. Despite draft media saying ridiculous things like he doesn't read coverages or throw with anticipation, he thrives on taking advantage of windows in zone reads. Here's a sheet from a longer contexualized report by Ben Solak explain things with numbers and such for all the QBs. But it doesn’t just take a system that matches, but a commitment to that play style... Well according to Bowles...

56:07 ish Depending on the team and depending the scheme [mobility in a quarterback] can be very valuable. Half the league has drop back quarterbacks and half the league have mobile quarterbacks and do more zone read stuff so depending [on scheme] you may look at it as a benefit, you may not, but it has its place in this league...

What is a zone read offense? According to this, a "zone" blocking up front, with the quarterback giving or keeping based upon the "read" he makes. Keep that in mind.

My perception doesn’t change the quarterbacks we have ...we tailor the game to their strength and not their weakness so it really doesn’t matter to me.

Hmmmmmmmm.... funny saying this, while also saying this.

1:49 Bates is 3 steps ahead of the ball game... Jeremey gives us the chance to think ahead and do certain things that I don’t think we had in the past, so, combined with Dennison, and the rest of the Offensive Coaches, I think it was the right thing to do.

When we dumped Morton, we not only promoted Jeremy Bates, we hired a new Offensive Line Coach, Rick Dennison. Dennison is a master of, what else, but the Zone Blocking Scheme, a scheme that encourages Lineman to run down the field to block. This scheme is especially good with runners that can make quick cuts like Crowell, or Powell...or Lamar. Oops I dropped some film of Lamar tearing up Syracuse with some ZBS concepts. Ok, we might be running zone blocking, and Bowles might have said mobility is valuable for teams who do things like zone reads but... I don’t think Dennison means much, right? Did I mention that Dennison was once Tyrod Taylor’s QB coach and also the coach for Jay Cutler and Matt Schaub when had their best completion percentage numbers? No? Well, this does.

Speaking about accuracy, Lamar’s terrible right? How can he be a choice as a number 3 QB if he’s a terrible thrower? First, Josh Allen's % is worse. Besides that, well, he’s not really inaccurate. Lamar had the most incompletions due to drops of the QBs available, this was even in his heisman season. Even with an inconsistent base, Lamar’s accuracy concerns makes adjusted completion percentage was 3rd best of the 5, *right behind Rosen. He even had a better adj comp % than Rosen before his god awful bowl game. Unless you think Darnold is inaccurate, you can't say the same for Lamar.

But he has terrible mechanical issues! Terrible, no, inconsistent, yes. This article explains the details of what Lamar’s problems are regarding mechanics (which is technically a hip and elbow problem but whatever). Regardless, despite Considering his ball placement is already in the top tier of draft eligible QBs (according to the godly Ben Solak) Seems like Lamar’s already coming along, although not perfect yet. And we have Jeremy Bates to help him fix whatever other gap exists. It's really his one glaring flaw and we have the coaching staff and scheme to fix it...

But I haven’t heard any rumors about LJ to the Jets! The Jets are hush mouth about what prospects they want, but were SUPER hush mouth about Hack during his draft process. We didn’t didn't even release the fact they had a workout with him (and I checked google). That’s why the Baker & Jets marriage didn’t make much sense to myself. Mayfield is much more vocal than we usually are about these things. Either way, there hasn't been a word yet about the Jets working with Lamar, even though there were rumors earlier (super paper thin, will say) in the draft process . It also appears most other teams around our draft pick have at least met with him at the combine. You’re telling me we haven’t met with him at all and he's a perfect fit for our offense? Speaking of Hack, people say Mac loved him because he was a tall strong armed white guy, but his mental processing abilities were impressive. Guess, what? Lamar's are pretty damn impressive too. And his arm, pretty strong too.

But is he worth the top 3 pick? Yes. He’s gotten injured the fewest of the top 5. His “frail” frame isn’t a valid complaint. RG3 has 10 pounds on him. Muscle mass doesn’t make you less prone to injury (per Mississippi State athletic dept), flexibility however does. And according to his old coach, he was gumby. Also, his pocket presence is one of the most mature in the class hands down. The narrative against him was only because draft guys don’t know where he’d fit. In fact, his stock keeps ‘rising’ (they didn’t know where he’s going because he has no agent tiesand they don’t know where to place him schematically) and Schefter says he sees him going in the first, and it’s not close. Now he’s getting reports about mid picks. He’s shown more dynamic play and mature pocket ability than any of the guys in the draft. If he’s a better 2010 Mike Vick, and Vick was #1, why not Lamar?

Could this be confirmation bias? Certainly. I’ve been on this man’s tip since the end of the college season. I could be painting a magical fairy tale all in my head. Buuuutt, adding all the Bowles quotes together, since our offense is clearly going in a more of a meshed running and passing game, and Bowles thinks an offense designed for a mobile QB would be the team..

Well, we’re a pretty damn good fit.

As a disclaimer, I must say that Mayfield, Darnold, Rosen and even Allen also somewhat fit the in the way we have built the team. That’s why I don’t think Mac or Bowles is lying when the said they have 4 or 5 guys they could take. They are also very capable of thriving on rollouts and have a bit of athletic ability to execute a similar type offense (Rosen will have to play a more pocket west coast game). However, if you want a west coast offense that thrives on utilizing ZBS to get lineman down the field to block and creates a great running game, Lamar fits the scheme the best and will be the most dangerous in our offense. From picking up Crowell (a back that could make quick cuts to maximize the ZBS) to Spencer Long (a O lineman that could do both ZBS and Power Blocking), we’ve made a commitment to our scheme.

One thing's for sure, Bowels says

45:47 ish Bates has a good plan in place to do what we want. Has the staff to do it. Have confidence to execute it.

So whoever we pick, we’ll be in a good spot but don’t flame if it’s Lamar Jackson because that would absolutely be great for us.

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