#nothing more bc im not insane but i DO hope his day is kind of bad. like misses his train his food is bland his pillow is flat & hot etc

[twelverriver]

i DO hold grudges sometimes and i've been holding one for a fucking year because mark is my fucking enemy. i've written a great term paper and he was like no fuck you and because of him i now have to do something my entire degree hangs on but the subject i have to do it in is my worst skill ever. my comprehension rate is like at 4%. but yeah. that guy is my fucking nemesis. mark no last name i hope u burn in hell xoxo

[inf3ct3dd]

streamer!ellie headcanons

warnings: yo no se

content : streamer!ellie headcanons 🔥🔥

authors note : the streets r calling and they’re telling me to write streamer ellie hcs….

- def started off as a faceless streamer. she wasn’t really comfortable on camera, and she just thought it would be way easier. you can only see her shoulders-down leaving her (deliciosu. scrumptious. yummy) arms in the cameras view.

- her twitch user is “creeperewman” cuz shes like…discreetly hiding her initials and referencing the best minecraft parody ever 😕!!!

- bought the most random shitty mic and webcam and started streaming 🔥🔥 she never got rid of either of them its part of her odd loser charm

“‘fartmaster69:it’s probably cuz your camera’ it’s probably bc of YOUR CAMERA!!! theres nothing wrong w my camera bro 😞”

“don’t listen to them…ur perfect 🤫 IM NOT TALKING TO U GUYS IM TALKING TO MY CAMERA”

- only had a few viewers the first couple times she streamed, and it was some random 10 yr old who kept spamming “yassss” in the chat and some dude who said she was shit at minecraft 😞 he was LYING

- started off doing minecraft speed runs (or trying to) and got like way good over time

- she randomly started getting more and more viewers, because people kept posting abt her and calling her fine on tiktok , making edits of her hands and her voice 😭😭 (real)

- as she got more and more viewers, she started branching out more with the games she’d play. def loves shooter games like cod and pubg, but she’d also play like indie horror games like faith (omg markiplier fans would know)

- she has a orange cat she named garfield (cuz…of course she does) and he’s always sitting on her lap during her streams or messing w her setup 💔💔

- def put stickers all over her headset and showed them off all proud on stream

- designed her own cute banners and stuff for streams 😞!!!

- def had a subreddit/disc server with her viewers where she’d let them give her game recs or make memes of her

- ppl saw her guitar in the back of her streams and BEGGED HER to play it and she had her own lil concert stream !!! she was so freaking nervous and messed up a bunch the first like minute or two but like after that she was in the ZONE

“‘ewswife: i wish i was that guitar’ oh!! you guys are so…kind!!!”

- when she INSANELY hit 1k, she did a face reveal and she hit 10k the same day 😦 the amount of edits that ppl made was actually insane. ESP ONES MAKING FUN OF DREAMS FACE REVEALLLL

- started doing much more random shit on stream after she got more famous. she LOVES cooking on stream, and she’d start reacting to random shit ppl sent her on the subreddit

- she cut her hair on stream once, and everyone in the chat kept spamming “yo bob…is fye” for like 5 minutes 😪

- “you’re at work watching me? i hope you get fired. i mean. i hope you don’t get fired 😞”

- she gets so many thirst comments and like…is terrible at responding to them

“‘ewleftbicep: you look so vulnerable today’ WHAT”

- she has her own apartment cuz of her awesome streaming money 🔥🔥🔥 soundproofed walls too cuz she’s. loud.

- one day, you were walking on campus to a class. you had your headphones on, listening to your main playlist on shuffle, when you got stopped by someone. you pulled your headphones off your ears and gave the man in front of you a confused look. you looked down to his hands, holding a tiny mic, and another dude holding a camera.

“what song are you listening to?” he held the microphone towards you, awaiting your response.

you quickly responded “uhm, last goodbye, by jeff buckley.” and stood there awkwardly, pushing a piece of hair out of your face.

the man quickly thanked you and you walked away, slightly suprised.

- after a couple hours, the video had blown up and the comments were filled with people complimenting you.

pickleluna: jeff buckley girl is so fine

minyonlala: 3rd girl is so bad

rilakkila: I NEED JEFF BUCKLEY GIRL

and unknown to you, someone else found you on their fyp.

creeperewman: guys what is the 3rd girls @. im literally BEGGING BRO PLEASEEE

- ewleftbicep: BEING DESPERATE ON MAIN IS CRAZY

- ewsgirlf: random tiktok girl stole my wife 💔

- elliewilliamsidechick: guys im literally the 3rd girl 😂😂😂

- it didn’t take long for your phone to be blown up with people sending you the video, tagging you in funny comments, and finding your instagram. you watched the video, and saw ellie was the top comment. you checked her profile, and saw how FINE she was, and immediately responded

- y/nmainn: guys 😳😳😳 what if i was the third girl 😳😳

- ellie checked her phone and saw thousands of people tagging your comment, and she wasted zero time following you on tiktok. and your instagram. its not stalking if its in your bio, right?

- you two immediately hit it off, and ellie loved the fact that you had absolutely no idea who she was. to you, she was just some hot girl. not some famous streamer you were obsessed with.

- she didn’t even realize you two went to the same school until she saw you in her astrophysics class one day, and she almost had a heart attack when you waved at her and walked over to sit next to her.

“what a coincidence.”

- she took you out on your first date to a planetarium, and not even a week after, asked you to be her girlfriend.

- she definitely teaches you how to play her favorite games. but she gets wayyyy defensive when you beat her.

“im just letting you win.”

“beginners luck.”

but shes SO COCKY when she beats you

“hey, don’t be so hard on yourself after this. not your fault im a professional!”

“aw, maybe one day you’ll be as good as me”

- definitely helps you build your own pc.

- loves watching you play things like animal crossing or stardew valley, always lays on your shoulder while you’re on the couch.

“why are you being so mean to gaston :((“

“because hes UGLY and he has an ugly house and he’s ruining my village.”

“wowww you’re bullying a little bunny man because he doesn’t fit your aesthetic 😒 so mean”

- if you like more aggressive games like cod, she loves listening to you talk shit while you play and always makes fun of people with you. (she thinks its hot when you’re mean to people)

- her chat absolutely loves you, and every time you stream together its a continuous stream of “me and who” and “when is it my turn 😪”

[emotsper]

Hi!!!!!!!!

You’re like the szai person on tumblr, and even tho I’ve been playing proseka for like two years, I still don’t read a lot of the stories………

So as the certified szai tumblr person, since you kinda own the tag, would you like to explain to me why szai is such a popular ship? I really didn’t read much of anything…

Have fun!!

let me be brief (1/350) (no bc its actually gonna be a long ramble. apolocheese.) (also sorry if formatting is awful im a mobile user and I literally just type whatever)

FOR REAL THOUGH. PLEASE JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND READ MMJ MAINSTORY...... not only its a good source of szai cocaina you get to experience the entire mmj mainstory. i was normal before mmj mainstory and i was less normaler after mmj mainstory.

it simply went even more downhill when i read tenshi no clover. genuinely the one event story that first made me cry (second one was ice drop event but thats a bit biased)

okay now lets get to the main meat of it. szai.

admittedly i was kind of normaler early on but one of my tipping point was Chasing the radiance event especially chapter 7. please read/watch it. please. this specific chapter sent me into my trip of insanity when it comes to szai. it also opened my eye to specific scenes in their side stories/mmj mainsto that i skimmed early on especially bc im a jp only player so fan tls may not be super accurate back then 💔

to start off, airi was a girl that was often made fun of for being tomboyish, and seeing idols for the first time made her feel a glimmer of hope that maybe she can also bring hope to other people. she finally manages to reach her goal and became an idol after several of failed auditions (very deserved especially after her hard work) while shizuku became an idol purely out of luck from the idol grand prix context her friends convinced her to join 😭😭 From the start their relationship feels a little bit doomed with how jealousy is kind of unavoidable from airis side. but against all odds, you get to see airi go to shizuku and cheering her up by giving shizuku her towel and telling her to wipe those tears especially with such a pretty face like hers (MACHINE CLANG CLANG RACK SFX) they are so crazy for this. especially when you realize that shizuku kept the towel until now. (the towel is her area upgrade item)

from this point, airi thought nothing much of shizuku yet other than her being her new rival (and that shes rly pretty) but shizuku sees airi as her main reason to keep going in this idol stuff at that time, and that was enough.

(okay purely for this next part im forgetting a bit so do remember it may not be fully accurate 🙏)

after training minori for awhile, szai went thru a mini divorce arc where airi was telling minori that being an idol isnt all fun and games and that minori should consider quitting, continuing on with how she flopped in the industry bc she was more popular as a reality show figure. but shizuku disagreed and kept saying how airi was an idol through and through and that she shouldn't have quit, but that just tipped airi off and she shouted at shizuku, unloading all her pent up jealousy that she had for awhile now. iconic as hell scene in the most angsty way possible.

u can easily tell this wasn't received well by shizuku. at all. airi you done fucked up. shizuku left her idol group the next day.

(addendum i forgot to add. shizuku truly believed that airi was the first and if not, the only person who sees shizuku as shizuku hinomori herself, without all the idol filter that people plastered on her. so when airi admitted that she was jealous w shizuku getting everything good in the industry, that basically broke shizuku. (color of myself is a nice one to read when it comes to this 🙏 also the i am we are event is a crazy good conclusion to shizukus current arc))

at this point airi realizes just how much shizuku was influenced by her past actions without her fully knowing about it. girl you done fucked up.

this scene is still one of the biggest and strongest kryptonite for szai fans. especially with what happens after.

after confronting shizuku about her choice knowing full well its airis fault, airi, angry at herself, goes immediately to cheerful*days training place (she knows the place since theyve kinda shared the spot iirc) while the rest of mmj follows. she started threatening arisa and almost threw punches but she held back and told the rest of cheerful*days that shizuku is more of an idol than everyone in the room (i may be hallucinating this one. do lmk)

they finally leave the place, and both apologies to each other. at the same time, they both admitted that they were each others idol

and then shizuku goes to tackle hug airi. what the queer

that only concludes the mainstory section btw. upon realizing it may be too much of a recap instead of actual explanation ill be brief w the rest of it (keep in mind i dont read EVERY szai story, just ones i was made aware of bc im playing on jp and story content is a bit harder to see/consume)

Main szai crazies for szai fans

1. chasing the radiance ch7. airi yet talks again about how shizukus hands are slender and elegant while hers are short and chubby (she compared her hands to a manju) and shizuku was mad at her about this and went on a long tangent about how airis gentle hands were the ones who pushes minori and shizuku forward when they think they couldn't.

this is probably the fifth time ive read this story and it still gets me. i hate these fruitsssss. please read the full chapter ive linked it near the start this chapter is so special to me.

2. my ideal idol (airi 5, jp only event for now)

Bro i Dont Even Know What Else To Say. Just Look At This Card

but if we're being serious . lets talk about this one specific card and the story shall we.

this card was a blast to the past; pre-mmj szai again.

we start off with present mmj getting ready for their turn in the joint performance with a new junior idol group that they were paired with. airi was a bit nervous and shizuku noticed it. so she offered to do something that would hopefully lessen the nervousness for both of them. shizuku softly puts her head on airis back and whispered several word of encouragements. shizuku reminisces to the past.

pre-mmj szai. shizuku was very nervous as she was waiting for her first performance ever as an idol. airi was also there, and it was going to be her first too. airi shows up to say hi to shizuku but she noticed that shizuku was really nervous and at the verge of crying. airi knew she had to do something and told shizuku to turn around, shizuku did. shizuku lets out a little surprised yelp as she feels airis hands and head pressing against her back. she could hear airi muttering some encouragement but we never get to hear what the words were, only that shizuku thought about how warm airis hands were. (i need to be euthanized)

back to the present, shizuku says that she hopes that this gesture can somehow "repay" for what airi did to her back then. i think im losing it. sorry

OKAY IM DONE IM DONE ITS ALMOST 1 AM MY BRAIN IS NOT GOING TO WORK ANYMORE IF I KEEP TYPING..... my brain can handle so little. anyways i hope this wall of text ramble can convince u to read mmj mainsto and consume more mmj stories........ i admit its not perfect or whatsoever bc i haven't read the mmj mainstory for awhile and i have a wee memory issue thats paired with my deafness so. yeah. enjoy. haha.

[tojiscrack]

WIFEYYYYY IMY

i legit have been so proud of myself lately bc i havent been talking to shitbag almost at all. i even waited in my car until he walked up to school bc we both pulled into the lot at the same time and i didnt want him to talk to me!

'i HAD to implement dadjo in the series bc as much as his relationship with the characters in canon was more like a fun older brother looking out for his students, he’s so father coded, specifically during the exchange event in s1 of jjk'

I AM SO HAPPY FOR THIS!!! I LOVE DADJO HCS

'HELP HE’S JUST A GUY WITH A CRUSH 😭'

so was shit bag 💔

but i have decided that if y/n and kamo get tgth and then y/n realizes her true feelings for megumi and breaks up w kamo, i will forgive you. barely.

'girl any more of the y/n criticism from you and i’m gonna start to think you hate our poor mc 🫵🏽😟🫷🏽'

listen. i dont haaaaaate her... yet.

she just gives me SO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARASSMENT. LIKE HOLY MOLY THIS IS BAD.

'now with that threat, i humbly remind you of the ‘angst’ tag 🌝 no comment on anything after that'

"MERCUPINE IS CANON!" i thrash against my strait jacket as they throw me into the room with the padded walls.

'but unfortunately, at some point from here and up until june, there are gonna be super slow updates :( i’ll address that another time tho! <3'

AWWW DAMNNNN. i hope everything is okay pookie bear 🙏

yk i havent been this in love with a fic since like 2022 when i found a 500k word bakugo fanfic that was literally written like a novel. AND URS IS EXACTLY LIKE IT BRO.

like writer to writer- your exposition is INSANE. being able to develop their friendship when they're only like 5 or so is so cool to me because the initial friendship development is something i struggle with lowk....

BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLS DONT DIE

'i am (unfortunately) a very picky eater. and i hate peanut butter ☹️'

STAY WITH ME. STAY WITH ME.

this is why we use unsweetened peanut butter protein powder. because, you can make it whatever texture u want and the peanut taste is toned down. and it adds protein to ur meal so u can be buff. (i am a gym bro)

'ik you mention that you guys have mutual friends and are in several gc’s tgth, so maybe blocking him is just not possible here, but giving him clipped responses when he texted and declining face-times is very much possible, i believe'

YEAHHH THATS WHAT IVE BEEN DOING THE PAST FEW DAYS LOL

he doesn't ft me tho which is great. he just sends me tiktoks that i respond to 23 hrs later so he doesn't bitch ab me losing our streak LMAO

'but make sure they’re very simple responses, nothing he can use as an opportunity to build on.'

yeah thats my move rn

'hmmm, this tells me a lot about him already 💀 i’m sorry kay, i do NOT like this imposter who-entered-earth-without-a-visa 😐'

YEAH BRO IDK HOW I EVEN LIKED HIM

like the past few days, the rose tined glasses have been lifted. esp bc one of our mutual friends gave him a kanye west american flag and he keeps posing with it everywhere.

liking kanye is embarassing enough idk why he's doing this too.

it reminds me of the time he trapped me in his car and made me listen to his explanation on why kanye west wasn't a bad guy.

'HAHAHA 😭 i’m dead serious. i don’t like that guy. i even feel like ‘shitbag’ as a name for him is a compliment, if anything.'

lowk ur so right

'do not compare our respectful-nonchalant-dreadhead-kamo to that bin-juice-of-a-human-being-SHITBAG. EVER 🤢'

I MEANT THE WAY WE REACT TO THEM LMAOAOAOAOAO

'did i forget to mention that i DETEST shitbag with my whole entire being?'

no i dont think u mentioned it 🤔🤔🤔

'CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT 🥳 WE LOVE TO SEE IT'

YES MAAAAM

'ok good, you’re not longer texting that unique-breed-of-human-kind, got my first point out of the way real quick. don’t ever text him unless he texts you'

YEPPP

'secondly, niceguy’s available. probably the only thing i agree with shitbag with. you should get with niceguy :)'

okay yeah but like even if im not that close friends w his ex-gf, we're still friends...

and our grade literally has 80 ppl in it so i would rather not do her dirty like that bc she WILL know

and we used to be rlly good friends in middle school

i snap him tho bc we are in fact still friends even if he dated my friend- i mean we have literally known each other for 10 yrs LMAO

'marry fictional men and die in love with them'

i think this is a very good plan. i am currently writing iwaizumi fanfiction bc iwaizumi haijime (27) athletic trainer is all i need rn!

lowk this fic was inspired by liar liar in the sense that i took inspo from how u have it start when they're younger / preshow. i had it start in their first yr so i can develop their friendship before they go straight into love. (i'm ur biggest fan btw)

'i’m not aware of it. even when i looked it up, i was a little confused haha.'

oh my god it's literally like the dumbest cringest game ever but i love it so much. it's an otome dating sim game and it's so nostalgic to me bc i used to play it when i was like 13.

but it's fucked up my sleep schedule bc part of the game is that u have to play the chatrooms before the next one unlocks or the previous one will lock and u have to pay (in game cash) to play it afterwards.

so i have a schedule.

i stay up til 1:52 to play the 1:48 chatroom and then i sleep, wake up at 6:50 for school, play the 3ish AM chatroom before the 8AM chatroom unlocks, and then go to school, play the 8AM chatroom, and continue playing the chatrooms throughout the day.

now let me show u the cringey ass messages these characters send and the cringey ass messages im forced to send (i have to pick through a few options).

LIKE THIS IS SO CRINGE.... BUT I AM FREE.

'but i am super glad you are starting to find enjoyable things to look back on that take you away from the negative doom-cloud that is shitbag! 😙 idek you irl but that genuinely makes me so happy for youuuu <3'

AWWWWWW ILYSM

'i’m living vicariously through you, honestly 😭'

AWWWWW

'THEY CAN STILL BE LONG, I LOVE HEARING ABOUT UR DAY AND STUFF AND GETTING TO KNOW YOU, but i’m glad shitbag will no longer be the centre of our conversations'

okay so lets kiss pls and ty

also have u heard the epic the musical concept album at all? like that one tiktok audio that's like 'i would fall in love with you over and over again'.

bc it's taken over my fyp w emo ass edits and my friends are SICK OF ME

too many satosugu edits w this audio and i'm gonna kms pls and ty

OKAYYYY THAT IS IT FOR TODAY'S UPDATE! I HOPE UR DAY IS AMAZING POOKIE BEAR <3

HELLO AGAIN!! <333

‘i legit have been so proud of myself lately bc i havent been talking to shitbag almost at all’ — I’M SO PROUD OF YOU TOO WHATTT 😭😫 i’m now at ease, we haven’t lost another one of our gorgeous girlies to the m*le species, thank the lord 😤

‘(…) and i didnt want him to talk to me!’ — YEEEESSSS, we’ve made it to that point! 🥳 today is a good day 😌

‘I LOVE DADJO HCS’ — me too 😋 it’s a shame gege didn’t implement this more in canon-jjk, but it is what it is, ig

‘so was shit bag 💔’ — NUH UH 🤨 shitbag is not just a guy with a crush he’s not even a guy at all, that’s an undiscovered breed right there , he’s someone who treats both the girls he likes AND dislikes like dog shit, and i’m not having it 😐

‘if y/n and kamo get tgth and then y/n realises her true feelings for megumi and breaks up w kamo, i will forgive you. barely’ — 🫣 we shall see… 👀

‘listen. i dont haaaaaate her... yet’ — free my poor mc from the shackles of ur scepticism 🤛🏽😔🤜🏽

‘she just gives me SO MUCH SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT’ — you think SHE gives you second hand embarrassment? 😧 girlypops, try reading my levi fic (don’t, actually, i’m just using this as an example haha) , y/n over there is unhinged to the point where second hand embarrassment is literally her middle name 😭

‘"MERCUPINE IS CANON!" i thrash against my strait jacket as they throw me into the room with the padded walls’ — LMAOOOO 😭 DKMMM 💀 technically they are canon (the story is centred around them), and even as the author who could potentially go for the bittersweet type of ending where they don’t end up together, i can easily say (with confidence) that they have a shit ton more chemistry than mermaid and kamotionless 😊

but we'll see how everything goes!

‘AWWW DAMNNNN. i hope everything is okay pookie bear 🙏' — well... i revealed why i had concerns about my (already ass) updating schedule now 👀 ik this ask was sent in a few days before my announcement last night, so ofc you couldn't have known when you sent this in. but now you do! and i appreciate ur support SOOO much. i swear, you have no idea <3

i also responded quite late to this ask 'cause it's quite long, and i like to address every single thing in longer asks so im not purposely missing anything out and then come across as dry haha 🥴

'yk i havent been this in love with a fic since like 2022 when i found a 500k word bakugo fanfic that was literally written like a novel. AND URS IS EXACTLY LIKE IT BRO' — 🥹🥹🥹

ik a lot of ppl complain about long fics, but i can’t help but love them (especially when i’m in the comfort of my own room just reading as i go with all the lights off, no school the next day, no alarm set, etc).

and this… coming my story to a novel? 😩

i’m so unbelievably flattered rn, like i want to grab you through the screen and i can’t ☹️

‘like writer to writer- your exposition is INSANE. being able to develop their friendship when they're only like 5 or so is so cool to me because the initial friendship development is something i struggle with lowk...’ — UGH, STOP IT, MY HEART CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS 😫🩵🩵🩵

MY BPM IS HIGHER THAN NORMAL RN AND I HAVEN’T EVEN EXERCISED TODAY ❤️‍🔥

wishing i was shakespeare rn so i can give you the most poetic response that isn’t just ‘i’m so flattered’, ‘stoppp’, ‘ilysm moreee’, etc. the problem is that i’m always at a loss for words ‘cause of the range of compliments you offer 😭💕

‘STAY WITH ME. STAY WITH ME’ — 🙁 … ☹️ … 🌬️🏃🏽‍♀️‍���️…🚪

‘this is why we use unsweetened peanut butter protein powder. because, you can make it whatever texture u want and the peanut taste is toned down. and it adds protein to ur meal so u can be buff’ — maybe i’ll try it 😳 i’ve yet to find a protein powder brand that doesn’t make me shit myself + give me acne, but we’ll see! i don’t have really high hopes tho (i’m a picky eater 😔)

‘like the past few days, the rose tined glasses have been lifted’ — the more i read this ask, the more i smile 😋

‘it reminds me of the time he trapped me in his car and made me listen to his explanation on why kanye west wasn't a bad guy’ — UMM?? THAT’S ASSAULT?? HELLO? 😭

ARE YOU OK? NEED A LAWYER? I’M STUDYING LAW, I GOT YOU 😟

‘I MEANT THE WAY WE REACT TO THEM LMAOAOAOAOAO’ — THANK GOD 😔

‘and our grade literally has 80 ppl in it so i would rather not do her dirty like that bc she WILL know. and we used to be rily good friends in middle school’ — mmm, yeah, so maybe not niceguy either. back to the fictional men plan then! (until someone new comes along and meets our high standards for you!) 😋

‘i think this is a very good plan. i am currently writing iwaizumi fanfiction bc iwaizumi haijime (27) athletic trainer is all i need rn!’ — WAIT WAIT WAIT, iwaizumi hajime from haikyuu? LMAO WAIT, I THOUGHT YOU’D BE INTO KAGEYAMA OR SMTH? 😭

HAHAHA I’M DYING, HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING?

‘lowk this fic was inspired by liar liar in the sense that i took inspo from how u have it start when they're younger / preshow. i had it start in their first yr so i can develop their friendship before they go straight into love’ — 😳

a lot of my ao3 readers would tell me that i inspired them to write fics and stuff, but they never tell me what it is about my story that inspired them, yk? so as nice as it is to hear such a thing from them, i never know what exactly about LL got them writing 🙁

BUT THIS? 🥹

i’m so flattered honoured, genuinely. maybe one day, when i can stop scaring myself about reading other people’s works (it’s a genuine irrational fear of mine), i can pick up one of yours and give you the queen!treatment you give me every other day 🥹🩵

‘im ur biggest fan btw)’ — excuse me, DON’T call urself that. we’re friends 👊🏽🤨 (i’m spudding you btw)

‘oh my god it's literally like the dumbest cringest game ever but i love it so much’ — me talking about episode 2015 😀

‘but it's fucked up my sleep schedule bc part of the game is that u have to play the chatrooms before the next one unlocks or the previous one will lock and u have to pay (in game cash) to play it afterwards. so i have a schedule. i stay up til 1:52 to play the 1:48 chatroom and then i sleep, wake up at 6:50 for school, play the 3ish AM chatroom before the 8AM chatroom unlocks, and then go to school, play the 8AM chatroom, and continue playing the chatrooms throughout the day’ — HAHAHAHHAHAA 😭 IDK WHY THIS MADE ME LAUGH LMAOOO, you literally ended up making a whole plan around ur sleeping schedule for this game? 😭 DAMN, how good must it be???

I’M CRYINGGGG THE MESSAGES 😭😭😭

WHEN YOU SAID IT WAS CRINGE, I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS ‘i’d like to tell kay how i feel and make her mine but—’ , ‘you can have me right now!’ TYPE OF CRINGE? HELLO? 😭

I’M CRYINGGGG STOPPP

AND THIS YOOSUNG GUY COMING IN TO PUT IN HIS 2 CENTS IS KILLING MEEEEE 😭

‘omg’ after the zen guy literally declared that you’re his omega LMFAOOO

yoosung’s just a chill guy 😀

‘don’t let the beast inside of me awaken’ — HUH???? 😭

KAY I’M ACTIALLY DYING MY STOMACH HURTS SO BAD WTH IS THIS 😭😭😭

THAT’S SUCH A MALAKAI THING OF HIM TO SAY, wait—

👀

your type is literally malakai?

LMFAOOOO KAY X MALAKAI NO WAYYYY 😭😭😭

‘no one dare to touch her 🐺’ — BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAGAHAYAGAHSHSHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

PLS HOW DOES Y/N GIVE YOU SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT WHEN ZEN IS RIGHT THERE

kay pls tell me you’re joking. there’s absolutely no way 😭 and you told me all this in CONFIDENCE 💀

‘LIKE THIS IS SO CRINGE.... BUT I AM FREE’ — KAY 😭

self aware queen? 🥴💜

‘also have u heard the epic the musical concept album at all? like that one tiktok audio that's like 'i would fall in love with you over and over again.’ bc it's taken over my typ w emo ass edits and my friends are SICK OF ME’ — HAHAHAHA, no i actually haven’t 😭 so i looked it up just now and i’ve genuinely never heard of it in my life, ever’

‘too many satosugu edits w this audio and i'm gonna kms pls and ty’ — wait that makes sense as to why i haven’t seen it 💀

i don’t ship satosugu 👀 i can hear the shippers coming to bury me alive so my tiktok fyp is obviously gonna be catered towards videos i’ll end up liking and saving, and since i don’t actively search for satosugu edits and like and save them, my fyp is most definitely completely different to yours

hence why i’ve never heard of that audio 😭

but i should be glad! even tho i don’t ship them, i see tragedy in their friendship every time i see scenes of them together, so maybe it’s a good thing i hadn’t seen or heard of the audio before this ☹️

stop now i’m imagining you and zen with this audio HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH 😭

he’d fall in love with you over and over again… and you’d have to make sure the beast inside him doesn’t awaken over and over again 💀

ok i’ll stop 😭

[again-please]

hi! just finished my like monthly reread of dwmd (i loves it so much) and idk if this makes any sense but especially during the goblin camp chapters, nevestarion hits so close to home. in the taking watch chapter, i am near tears every time. you were able to capture how it feels to not be in control, to depend on someone's flightiness and moods, to be so fucking angry but also scared to push them away. i want to hug neve and tell her it will be okay, and her mental health matters and she doesnt have to fix astarion bc he should fix himself. i was in a similar relationship dynamic for a long time with no progress and no control and it very much broke me. the duality of they are hurting me but they need me, they are hurting me but if i walk away i am just another excuse, they are hurting me but i cannot prove them right. sometimes it is everything and sometimes it is nothing and there is nothing i can do to predict what its gonna be next. that whole feeling is what i see in neve and it feels so validating and it makes me feel so seen. of course neve and astarion are endgame to me and i am rooting for them always. i love that she takes more control in the chapters after that, and that she is becoming strong and powerful and that astarion is learning to care and demonstrate that he does. i want them to be happy and healthy and good so so bad. im so excited to read how their relationship changes thru time.

but also i stg the goblin camp chapters are a masterpiece to me, they are a whole world within themselves and you are SO GOOD at making that tension feel REAL. i read a lot. nothing has ever made me feel so validated with how i felt.

i love neve!!!!!! i love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!! i love your writing!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

honestly i've been coming back to this message all day waiting for a chance to reply. it's precarious dynamic to write and i'm always hoping i do it justice, so this really means a lot. thank you so much for this insanely kind message and thank you for loving neve!!

[crguang]

I like paying Genshin…🫣 but I suppose you and I can’t have all the same opinions. Speaking of which, I don’t understand why people like Natasha…I’m sorry in advance. I can understand liking most of the others, like I get the appeal but idk….can u explain? now that I’ve told you all my bad opinions…I still haven’t gotten all the messages from Kafka, very upset, I got yanqing from standard the same day AND HE KEEPS MESSAGING ME, I need him to stfu. I was rewatching kafkas story quest and umm, I haven’t looked at that photo in a bit….ngl I kinda want to rip open that slit in her shirt and—yk I need to sleep, ik when I start being less shy I need more sleep I haven’t sleep for like two days. also my friend just said that I probably don’t like nat bc she’s a doctor…my mommy issues strike again.

-🌠

i loved genshin i played it for over 3 years but by sumeru their characters stopped appealing to me, arlecchino saved me from boredom in fontaine and that archon quest was also really good but character wise she’s the only one i care about. with natlan and those white ass characters i just cant like logging in and seeing white people with latin indigenous/african inspired clothing, names and history pisses me off to no end, they lost me forever with that one bc yelan reran and i still didn’t log in consistently to get her cons… shes c3 forever now. i get mad seeing any natlan character atp like im so over this stupid game

not liking natasha is insane… if you like himeko theres no reason to not be as crazy about nat because they’re so similar personality wise and we actually know more about nat than we do about hsr himeko rn😭 i don’t see why you don’t see the appeal honestly, she’s a sweetheart who’s upheld an entire city basically on her own. not to diminish wildfire members but she literally created that too. only doctor in an impoverished and disorganized city, runs an orphanage, leader of the sole organization meant to keep the peace… she’s willingly taking on all of that responsibility because she can and wants to help. shes not even from the underworld, she was adopted by a couple in the overworld and did her studies there. not to mention that before she was a doctor in the underworld she went on expeditions to heal those fighting against/researching the fragmentum…she’s literally the most “morally good” aligned person ever. disliking her is kinda unimaginable to me bc all shes done is save people’s lives and be pretty. kafka’s nothing compared to my natty. i get it if she’s just not your kind of character but disliking her is insane to me when himeko is the same kind of kind-hearted, diplomatic, intelligent, courageous, ruthless-when-need-be person😭 natasha stepped up and saw people dying all around her for over a decade, she gave kids like Seele a future and a purpose in life and has spent every day fighting for them, she’s even condemned her own brother because the methods he was using for his research/goals were hurting others. hasnt talked to her parents in years and didnt know her dad had died because of it so she wasn’t allowed a moment to grieve like im sorry shes a hero of the people, no one has worked harder than she has— i’ll die defending natasha she’s incredibly admirable and inspiring to me. she thanks her patients for surviving gruesome surgeries, imagine the amount of people she’s lost because of the underworld’s lack of supplies yet she CARRIES ON! the strongest person ever. and she’s so gorgeous like that’s my baby fr. plus her voice is really nice. she’s the whole package, i take her so seriously if theres only one natasha fan in the galaxy its me!!! thee only healer for months before lynx came out, let’s all remember our roots (i wasn’t there but wtv) for a second. everyone’s used natty she’s an OG!

i thought kafka had only 2 messages and was getting moze/jiaoqiu’s for days then saw that anonymous “hi, nyx” and lost my mind at 6am on tuesday. hope u get them soon theyre so pathetic… she cares so bad. like soooo bad i cant believe she exposes herself like this do we think it’s because texting is easier or bc she’s intrinsically linked to the tb or both?… because those texts (+ the fact that it’s her reaching out) are just insane.

i love how yall never go all the way with thirsting when i literally write smut like i promise you can say you wanna fuck her 😭😭 everyone’s gonna agree. the things i’d do to her would have me in the hospital for dislocated joints like it’s okay theres no shame in being horny

and you definitely need to go to bed!!!!!!!! now!!!! try taking some melatonin/tea if you can or getting off your phone an hour before going to sleep, it might help a little. but you should be sleeping it’s dangerous to go too long without it, how are you even functioning right now

[fic-recommended]

Shyan Fics

more to be added, if I feel like adding

—————————————

I’ll Crawl Home – carrieonfighting

(16,024 words / 6 chapters / Teen and up)

Tags: Demon!Shane, Angst, Non-Linear Narrative, bc im PRETENTIOUS, Protective!Shane

"Shane was almost unnerved by how quickly he’d settled into this body, this name, this life - his friendship with Ryan was the most time he’d spent with any human before, and yet the man fascinated him."

Wow. That’s all I gotta say. I started reading Shane/Ryan fic because I had a weird dream and went looking for comfort fic to ease the edges of my mind. I stumbled upon this fic and was so fucking blown away. I was drawn in because of the demon!Shane tag and the way this story is charted out is insane. It’s nonlinear (there is a liner version tho I’m strongly against it). Just ohmygod read this fic it’s insane and hurts so good.

I’m Gonna Keep You in Love with Me (for a While) – beethechange

(21,847 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: fake married, also real married, friends to husbands to lovers to ???, Las Vegas Wedding, possible dubious consent due to alcohol consumption, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Rimming, just assume most of the kinds of sex are present here, probably more Celine Dion than you were hoping for, they say "fuck" a lot, also "dude" but I don't make the rules okay, Bedsharing

Shane is pacing around the hotel room. It’s not a huge room and Shane’s legs are long enough that he doesn’t have much real estate to pace before he has to swing back around for another loop.

“Can you stop?” Ryan asks. “You’re making me dizzy.”

“Okay,” Shane says finally. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re just going to—we’re going to be married. The only way out is through.”

“Um,” Ryan says, because this plan strikes him as counterproductive to their shared goal of not being married.

To me there are the big two when thinking of Shane/Ryan fics. That is to say the others aren’t amazing but two gutted me in a way I was not expecting from I ship I don’t even ship. This is one of the two and fucks sake it hurts me but in a way I really like and neeeeeded. (The other is the one above this)

Muscles Better and Nerves More – beethechange

(26,301 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Bodyswap, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, First Time, Pining, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Body Horror, Rituals, Swearing, Sexy Shame

“I’m serious,” Ryan says. “Don’t go fucking up my body. I want that shit back in the same condition I left it.”

“The same condition—Ryan. I’m not spending hours in a gym every day so you don’t lose muscle mass.”

“I want you to treat my body with the respect you would a national park. Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories.”

***

A certain meddling Voodoo Queen of New Orleans thinks Ryan and Shane need some new perspective on life. After an inadvisable ritual deposits Ryan in Shane’s body, and Shane in Ryan’s, the ghoulboys pursue some soul-searching and self-discovery to put things right. Sometimes in a sexy way.

I have found out while reading this fic that I am also a sucker for bodyswap!au. Something about learning to love someone completely while seeing (and being lmao) all of them is so intimate and endearing to me. Plus there’s dumplings in this fic and that is just sweet sweet poetry.

If you can find a way to love me, it’s all right – varnes

(11,232 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Psychic Ryan

When Ryan was a kid, he fell into a pile of bricks. They were playing hide and seek, and he thought he had the best hiding spot: high up in a thickly lush tree, his knees drawn to his chest so that he’d blend in. But the branch broke. He hit his head and doesn’t remember much of what happened after that. When he woke up a few hours later, the sun was setting, and his friends were gone, and his parents were calling for him, their flashlights swinging across the grass. There’d been blood on his bangs.

Anyway, now he can see ghosts.

Kind of.

Look, he’s not great at it.

--

Or: Ryan, personally, has three lists: “NICE GHOSTS,” “GHOSTS I DON’T FUCK WITH,” and, “IDK, SPOOKY STUFF.”

Oh my goddddd this fic is so sweet and so owie. At first I was skeptical because the fanon is that Shane can see demons or ghosts or whatever. But having it be Ryan???? So owie in such a good way. Other then this fic being the masterpiece that it is, I’m going to convince you with one sentence: Ryan has a cat with a ghost in it that demands Taco Bell. That’s it baybee. Read it or you’ll regret itttt.

BFFS Get Married For A Week – Ryan and Shane – aspookycryptidsock

(18,108 words / 8 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Pining, Mutual Pining

"As I was saying," Curly continues with a pointed glare in Ryan's direction. "It's my honor to join the two of you in unholy matrimony. The rules are simple, you'll live together, plan one date each, and cherish each other. Til week do you part."

I first read this fic years and years ago. I don’t know how it happened but me and my best friend found it while being at a library and we went feral reading it before their mom picked us up. It’s my origin story to the ship. This fic is my first love and my baby gorl. Shane is intense in a way I lovelovelove. Ryan is dumber then a pile a bricks amen.

Body Farming – shiphitsthefan

(7,251 words / 1 chapter / Explicit)

Tags: Season/Series 04, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Shane Madej, Protective Shane Madej, Omega Ryan Bergara, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mutual Pining, Scenting, Multiple Orgasms, Knotting, Daddy Kink, Size Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Filth with Feelings, Community: bfukinkmeme, Multisex Omega

Failed suppressants and a surprise heat: the worst of cliches, and here Ryan stands, living the trope on location with the alpha he’s hopelessly in love with. Even worse, they’re spending the night in the famous Bell Witch Cave, completely alone and with no way to contact the outside world.

Ryan knows he can survive and keep his preheat a secret, as long as Shane will stop being so protective and concerned. After all, it’s not like Shane wants to bond with him.

Right?

Your honor I’d like to state my case by saying being horny on main is bc I’m silly goofy and I never meant no harm. ABO fuck or die in a cave? Fuccck kkkk y e aaaa

Por Favor, Sweetheart – carrieonfighting

(7,859 words / 1 chapter / Teen and up)

Tags: Kid Fic, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Accidental Baby Acquisition, ryan dadgara, and shane dadej, Original Baby Character - Freeform, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You Have Been Warned

Two dorks raise a baby and don't even realise they're doing it together until it's too late

Alternatively, Ryan Bergara is Trying His Best Thanks

Ryan gains custody of a baby and is strugggglinnnggg until a Sasquatch comes and helps <3. Ain’t nothing says romance baybeee then an actual baby.

daring it’s a faded notion – varnes

(28,760 words / 5 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Paranormal shenanigans, y'all remember that trope where people can't be more than 5 feet apart without Suffering?

The sun is too bright and Ryan’s whole body is alight with something that is eating him all the way up from the inside out, but he keeps his eyes open and he makes himself look, and he tells himself that once he finds Shane, he’ll think about it. Once he finds Shane, they’ll make a plan. Once he finds Shane, and only then, he’ll let himself have the thought he’s been swallowing down like bile since he came to: that they didn’t fall.

They were pushed.

OR: Ryan and Shane get cursed by a ghost, and now they can't be not-touching. It's ... not great.

Ghosties don’t like the no homo and said ummm yeeeeet!!! Into the Grand Canyon then the ghoul boys kiss???? Makes me go hubba hubba

Collide - needywitch

(35,310 words / 2 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: Pining, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Falling In Love, Biting, First Time, Dirty Talk, Love Confessions, Rough Sex, Shane Madej Has a Big Dick

Ryan is desperately in love with his best friend.

Owieeeeeee. This one made me cryyyy. The prose of this fic along with a healthy usage of the word jaunty made this fic deeply emotional as well as made me want to cry when they kissed. Very excellent

A Perfect Piece of Ass, Like Every Californian - beethechange

(25,706 words / 3 chapters / Explicit)

Tags: entirely self-indulgent PWP, smut with feelings, Threesome, Birthday Sex, Oral Sex, lotta ball stuff here folks, so i hope you like balls, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Sexy Air Traffic Conducting, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism

“Happy birthday, Shane,” Sara says. “I got you a Ryan.”

“Th—thanks?” Shane says. He looks at Ryan and Ryan just looks back, weirdly impassive, giving nothing away. “But I’m pretty sure I already have a Ryan in this model. What’s the return policy?”

“Not like this, you don’t,” she says, raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Out of the corner of his eye Shane can see Ryan bring his hand to his mouth, stifling a snicker that he turns into a cough. Oh, he thinks.

Oh shit.

I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that this fic is morally correct but Shane/Sara/Ryan fic is what I needed and it blew me away and it is the best smut thank you goodnight

[unopenablebox]

god this is long sorry. mention of various familial deaths previously mentioned on this blog cw or something

🌸 is now having an issue at work that's likely to cause them a great deal of stress/emotional distress for like a medium length period? im expecting that they'll be really busy and need emotional support/benefit a lot from having things reduced in friction e.g. me taking care of dishes and food more etc.

which is, you know, fine. except that well

as you know my grandfather died last week and i spent most of last week 1. in a state of paralyzing terror about my own work thing, now resolved 2. traveling on short notice so i could be emotional/logistical help for my dad whose father just died, which i did like. a moderately ok job at i would say. i was better than nothing

and also my mom has 1. had a lot of feelings about her recently dead father brought up by all this 2. also been having a lot of feelings about him because w the exception of coming back for the funeral she has been staying in my grandparents' house in another city so she can sort through and get rid of his belongings AND 3. my grandmother, who had to go and come back w her for the funeral which she found exhausting bc she's 92, is increasingly confused/obstinate and this causes my mom lots of stress and angst directly and also again about her dad being dead bc thats why my grandmother is coping worse.

and dealing with all of this in person was really tiring and also helping to organize/cook for/personally host Mourning Shabbat Dinner on one day's notice was exhausting, and also i guess i am also one of the people whose grandfather just died and other grandfather died like six months ago but i don't really think there's a ton of space for me to consider if i think that's relevant

and to be honest i was kind of looking forward to this week as one where i could take it easy a little mentally, like, my mom would still text me random distressing mementos of my grandfather's early life, but work should be pretty chill this week & my dad still has a lot of his family & friends around him so might not need me quite as much & i do have to try and manage my not-entirely-voluntary new trainee at work but nothing terrible happens to him if i fuck up it a little; & so i basically did nothing but get home and pass out last night because i figured it would help me feel better & i could spend more time w 🌸 later in the week and get back on track

but instead-- this. which is fine, right, i have slack, i can do the dishes and make some dinners and try to be distracting and helpful and reassuring. but it turns out that if 🌸 is having a hard time and i need to express feelings/want emotional support i talk to my mom. and my attempt to express the concept "well i'm a bit stressed out because i was hoping to be able to recover a bit this week and save my emotional reserves for supporting you and dad, and instead this happened, so now i feel really preemptively exhausted and anxious and a little sad that i am going into month two of it being impossible to have pleasant relaxed interactions with my partner" was so impossible for my mother to process right now at her current level of exhaustion/distress that she literally just fell silent and then changed the subject without ever directly acknowledging it, which is. not typical for her. so she's clearly not available for anything resembling me needing emotional support from her. which is again incredibly understandable.

but, you know, it turns out there are three people on earth i can call if i am having a hard time and they are all having a much more direct hard time and i am mainly having a hard time about how upset they are. so. instead i guess i will say nothing to anyone? and vaguely regret not forming more highly emotionally intimate personal friendships with people? i suppose technically there's two other people where it wouldn't be an insane overstep but one i haven't talked to in 6 months, one lives in australia now, and theyve both always been way more busy and stressed and hard-to-schedule than me and i don't think that will be changing ever

at least i have a blog i guess. writing this is probably good or something. i mean it is but i don't know if this is going to perform the same function, i don't mean to denigrate the benefits i get from having online friends, which are considerable

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

oh oh and sugu in formal clothing... i'm so nsjsbdjjdjsjd. like you mentioned comfort is definitely a priority for him! so nothing too fancy, maybe a pair of slacks that are. a little tight on the waist and the Ahem.. a thick (black) button down paired with a worn out leather belt... which feels So sugu to me in every way. AND OF COURSE THE TOP FEW BUTTONS ARE UNDONE

i feel so crazy the way i need him he's so effortlessly handsome and cool. imagine getting ready with him, brushing and tying his hair (he trusts your judgement more than his own! he'll let you handle his precious beautiful long hair because he trusts you soooo much :(() maybe he helps you put on perfume/cologne. and gives you a dozen too many kisses while he's at it I PROMISE IM SO NORMAL ABOUT GETO SUGURU!!!!!!!!!!!

and ending the day with him... tbh i always think suguru is the perfect person to end the day with or lay down or... he's just so comforting and calm and you can absolutely feel at peace just hearing him near you! i can totally see like... both of you passing out on the bed before changing or showering and just finding your way into each other's arms, because who can resist home?

gah sorry for yapping i'm kind of extremely tired from formal event myself... always has me thinking... what if.. what... Geto BUTi'm making myself sick. i've caught the suguru virus and i'm severely ill... the little mice in my brain.. cannot tell if they are happy or sad

from 🌖 anon! ^ ^

ANOTHER 🌖 ANON ASK HEHE it’s my lucky day <333333 THIS MADE ME SO INSANE BTW…

PHEWWWWWWW SUGU IN FORMAL CLOTHING be still my beating heart ……… YOUR DESCRIPTION MADE ME FEEL SO VERY ILLLLL THE TIGHT WAIST??? THE BELT????? COUPLE BUTTONS UNDONE??????? 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 you’re trying to kill me…. i KNOW you are…….. no bc you’re so objectively correct it’s crazy . he’s just. classy and comfortable. he doesn’t even need to Try.

he looks so fucking good in a suit it’s insane ……. LOOK AT HIMMM

sick sick man . he’s so pretty . :(((((

AND PLSSSSS THE WAY OUR BRAINS R SO LINKED 😭😭😭😭 me seeing this right after yapping abt how suguru trusts you w his hair in the last ask you sent …… real recognizes real 🫡🫡 NO BC THAT CONCEPT IS SOOO SICKENINGLY SWEET you’re making me yearn for him so hard yk… getting ready w him…… and him trusting your judgement 🥺🥺 honestly sugu strikes me as the kinda bf who’d wear something he didn’t really like just bc you picked it out for him. bc he only really cares about your judgement anyway!!!! might bully you a little but . he does so lovingly <333 and still wears it proudly <33333 bc his baby picked it out just for him……..

OKAY STOP we’re getting too close to me. melting through the floorboards 😭😭 WAHH he’s just such a sweetie…… AND HIM HELPING YOU PUT ON PERFUME/COLOGNE 🥺🥺🥺 he would kiss you so many times it’s crazy…. and i think he uses the opportunity as an excuse to sniff your neck LMAOO. he’s so sly. ”want me to check if it smells okay? :)” <- he just wants to bury his nose into your neck and inhale your scent,… but he can’t do it unless he has a Reason bc he doesn’t want to come off as weird. (satoru on the other hand has no shame and will sniff you randomly and incessantly <333 he just loves your natural scent sm. freak.)

AND THEN . ending the day w him 🥺🥺🥺 ohhhh 🌖 anon you know the way to my heart……… you really really do………… i agree completely :’3 he’s the perfect person to relax and unwind with. helps you shower or take off your makeup if you wear any…. lets you take care of him if you want bc he can’t say no to you and your soft hands…….. and then curling up next to you under the covers and tucking you into his chest. ”because who can resist home?” <- I GENUINELY CRIED I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY :((((( this line reached through my screen and turned my heart into mush…….. who can resist home:(((((((( have you considered a career in poetry my sweet anon. bc i’d gladly read it. he’s your home!!! and you’re his!!!!!

sniffleeeee i feel so sappy today T_T i love him…. and i love you……. never apologize for yapping i love hearing you yap and forcing you to listen to me yap in return <33333 we’re making the sugu brainrot worse for each other aren’t we…… AND PLSS THE MICE IN YOUR BRAIN 😭😭 i hope they’re okay. mine definitely aren’t. terminally ill….. the only cure is suguru geto jjk….. sniffle……….

[melrosing]

MATE I have a feeling I am so late to this but what happened to your job!

lmao! so much! but I don’t have it anymore! ok you didn’t ask for the full story lmao but im always in the mood for venting lately so the full tale under the cut on What Happened With My Job

so without getting into detail they have been absolute asses all year!! like with each other the women in my team are like Bosom Pals but apart from a handful of pleasant people they just have no time for me lol it’s very cliquey??

anyway. we had some really difficult clients in the Spring who were ready to throw in the towel at every stage of our work process bc it was unfamiliar territory for them. I was leading the project but really struggling to meet their insane expectations like it was HUNDREDS of emails a day from like 8AM to 8PM and their ‘head of’ sometimes swearing at me on calls with a dozen other people and thinking I can work magic and get [MAJOR CELEBRITY] involved in a thing for them when objectively I can’t and just scream. anyway my directors get really uneasy because this is a big client and they don’t want them getting scared off so when the client starts reaching a crescendo of frustration they fully just scapegoat me right at the end of the campaign (at which point our results are great! lmao) and say it will be Dealt With

around the same time I start to realise that the business is failing and my ‘specialist position’ is typically the first kind to go and that COINCIDENTALLY they are on my ass day after day trying to insist im not meeting their ‘standards’ and genuinely making up the most insane reasons why not (like I know I’d be biased saying this but SERIOUSLY) so im like ohhh right. I see where this is going

THEN my dad gets goddamn incurable brain cancer and my whole life falls apart. and they suddenly have to be like ‘oh no. I am sorry this has happened. oh dear.’ I’m off two weeks having a complete mental breakdown until im kindly reminded that cough I’ve almost used up my statutory days of compassionate leave! but per company guidelines they do have to manage my workload whilst i er. struggle indefinitely w the emotional burden?? so my capacity is thus reduced and man you can tell they’re not thrilled about it

so they basically check in every Friday for a month saying ‘hope everything is ok can you take on more work yet’ CONSPICUOUSLY never asking how anything is going with dad (like when I first logged back in I had a catch up with my line manager and kind of tremulously started talking about what had happened and she literally said ‘it’s ok you don’t need to tell me the details’)

THEN I get GASTROENTERITIS 💃🏻 god knows how. but it’s a bad one and I physically can’t eat for a week man I eat like a banana a day and even that makes me sick lol. but whatever the first day I phone in and tell my director im not well. she’s like ‘WELL I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MUCH TO MANAGE RIGHT NOW SO THIS REALLY ISN’T HELPFUL LIKE I GET YOU CAN’T HELP BEING SICK BUT I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY TEAM TO SUPPORT COS WE HAVE A LOT COMING UP’ (I’m not even kidding)

so on the third day I log back in bc I feel like I need to just push through it but oh no im still vomiting my guts out so I message the same director ‘look I think maybe. I am still sick’ and she says NOTHING in response till I suddenly get a text from my LINE MANAGER saying ‘Hi. X says you say you still don’t feel well. We understand it’s food poisoning. That usually only lasts 24 hours’. LIKE??? apparently with all the compassionate leave I’d had to take, the sick leave was just too much for them to bear lmao so i got myself a goddamn doctor’s note and have to announce every day for the rest of that week ‘I’m still not well sorry’ (they never ever reply)

Then finally I recover and I log back in and my director doesn’t ask me how I am or anything literally just says ‘WELL let’s get straight to business’ and explains the status of everything at me for 20 mins going on about how stressful it all is.

And then an hour later I get a surprise call from my head of department telling me unforch they’re making me redundant. can’t be helped. understand this is a bad time for you personally. (said head of department has never addressed what bad thing is happening personally rn). and im in shock. till i figure that what with my dad this is probably an appalling time to make up some performance based reason to fire me so this was their only option

and then finally I see the paperwork and realise severance pay is a third of my annual salary. so i promptly get over it, log out halfway through the month whilst still being paid for my time till the end of it, and NOT ONE of those fuckers has even reached out to say goodbye in all that time but god knows I never want to hear from them again so?? fuck it! i told HR everything anyway I was like look I don’t want to take formal action but?? I think you should know.

and now im just gonna chill for Christmas w my dad and my fam and my pals and my cats and do my weird asoiaf shit on tumblr I guess lol. so there we go that’s what happened!!!!

tl;dr got made redundant lol

[orcelito]

🎶✨️when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to, publish. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)🎶✨️

(hope i don't bother you with this ask ! have a great day/night/whatever)

oh i listen to so so soooo many songs . uhm. i guess i'll choose some of my current favorites? oh maybe a favorite song from each of my favorite bands! ...of which there are definitely more than 5. but top 5 favs i guess???? or current 5 favs??? i dont think i can call these necessarily my Top 5 favs bc i have so many bands & artists i like at different times for different reasons BUT IF I HAD TO CHOOSE... ok this is going by band order i guess for current fixation but:

Sorrow - IAMX. ive been obsessively into IAMX recently to the extreme. for months. and i love soooooooo so many songs of theirs. but this song? Sorrow? it's the one that did it for me. I Come With Knives was the initial one that kicked this off, but going to Sorrow is what made me like "man i DESPERATELY need to listen to more of their music". NOT my very first IAMX song, that title belongs to Volatile Times, which ive known for like some ten years :p but only recently listened to more of their music and i have NOT looked back. as a bonus Sorrow reminds me a lot of ITNL Vash. perhaps part of the fixation on it lol

Nothing Personal - Des Rocs. picking a favorite song from him was nearly impossible bc im obsessed obsessed obsessed with his music. legit last year on my spotify wrapped all of my top 5 songs were his. OBSESSED. 'A Real Good Person In A Real Bad Place' is still undisputedly one of my fav albums EVER & the reason for that top 5 songs thing. but Nothing Personal is the first Des Rocs song i ever heard & what made me go "Oh my God???" & it still makes me lose my total shit when i listen to it lksdjflskjdf. honorary mention to Why Why Why, which was the other one i considered for him. also love that shit sooo much.

I Never Told You What I Do for a Living - My Chemical Romance. just so you know picking a single favorite song for MCR was near impossible. so much of their music makes me absolutely insane in the best of ways & picking just ONE?????? impossible. but i chose this one bc it's one that makes me EXTRA lose my shit anytime i listen to it. like fucking Belting it out. this one's The One. i can't give you special mentions for MCR bc there are too many. too fucking many. god i still love MCR so much

Armageddon - Blue Stahli. fucking love Blue Stahli's stuff, it's SOOO fun to listen to, & Armageddon probably really is my fav of theirs. i end up just jumping along to this song so much. it's a jumping song !!! so much fun to listen to !!!! also really paints a picture of me that a fav song of mine is just "Armageddon, come come and get it! Armageddon, baby!" the whole The Devil album is soooooooooo much fun & also an album i had a Mood for. back in uhh oct 2021 i wanna say. around there. special mentions for Takedown, Kill Me Every Time, and Power Outrage (this last one especially, OH MAN this also makes me lose my shit in the best of ways)

Mr. Fear - SIAMES. in a dramatic tone change from the other choices, i really am quite fond of SIAMES's music. it's my chill music. & this song specifically is sooooooooo full of longing and wistfulness. it's the first one of theirs i listened to & it's so......... waaaaaaaaaaaaa.. special mention to Brothers, which i very nearly chose bc im obsessed with that song too, but Mr. Fear has had my heart in a chokehold since i first listened to it Years ago. had to answer that one.

uhm. there are 5! additional special mentions to Capricorn by Xan Griffin, Maniac by Stray Kids, and Lovesong by TXT, which are all individual songs i've had MASSIVE obsessions with in the past. the Repeat On End kinds of songs. im being a bad STAY by not including Stray Kids in the favorite bands list but i havent been listening to their music as much lately. feeling these top 5 much more rn

[webslingingslasher]

hiiii - 🤍 here

I LOVE YOUR NEW THEME!

but you know what i love more than the theme? CHAPTER 2!!!

I SCREAMED. I DIED. I NEEDED A DAY TO RECOVER. i was SO EXCITED AHDSJKAKJ

first of all, christine. i liked her at first, then she annoyed me bc why is she fucking the guy trouble wanted to fuck. especially KNOWING they were hooking up? fuck off. even tho trouble didnt care it pissed me off djfjkdjkd

THE BEGINNING MENTION OF TRENT MADE ME SO EXCITED bc i read the prologue and had NO idea what was going on. like? are trouble and trent secretly hit men? what is going on. I WAS SO EXCITED AND YOU DELIVEREEDDDDDDDDD. peter RISKING IT ALL FOR TROUBLE ON LIKE, DAY 2 OF KNOWING HER is so real. and he acts like he doesn't care. puh-LEASE!

NFDJKHDSHFJKSHJ NO J IM SO FUCKING EXCITED ADHJSAHDFDKSHKJFSDH IT WAS SO GOOD!!!! THE KISS? ARE YOU INSANE? IT LEFT *ME* BREATHLESS. I WAS SCREAMING. I STILL AM FDHJKFHSJDKHFJDS AHHH BABY TROUBLE AND PETER🥹🥹🥹 im crying. reading this knowing how far theyve come makes me cry bv its fr BABY TROUBLE AND PETER. i love that shes always been delusional. she's just like me <3

ALSO OH MY GOD. PETER PROTECTING HER????? BEING THE HUMAN SHIELD IN BETWEEN TRENT? J I CRIED. I SCREAMED. DFUIDSHJKHJFKGSDHKJ IM SO FUCKING EXCITED. hes so mmmm so sexy! i love (1) one man. only one. maybe two if we count ethan.

SPEAKING OF ETHAN - peter wanting trouble so much he fr gets annoyed at ethan for thinking hes trying to get with her??? ARE U INSANE. I KVDJSKLFJKS. thats his brother for life but he wants trouble so bad, suddenly he cant think straight and is like puffing out his chest when ethans there. i giggled at the taylor swift mention. djsjkfksl

THE WHOLE THING WAS SO GOOD STIOFGJFDIOGD

trouble high is my fav thing. its also making me think ab intox kink with peter but i wont go there rn

her not needing a trip sitter is so iconic but peter was def watching her every move incase she needed one and would pretend he wouldn't.

“Want my advice? Parker is your best bet.”  why was this so hot. im so down bad. like. its shocking. im obsessed

also using rice water bc of christine now.

ally is the cutest bestie.

“Funny. When I asked she said she had no plans.” 🤭 if you saw my face when i read thidshsjkshdjf

“She’s cool. You know, witty, kind, pretty…”

“She’s difficult and entitled.”  I SCREAMED J. I SCREAMED. i wanna film live reactions to me reading the next chapter bc i swear i screamed and giggled and threw my phone across the wall twice (the screen cracked but there's a screen protector so its okay)

“You saw her first, it’s only fair.” It’s tiny, and it’s a microflash, but Peter grinned. HAJGHJGFDKSHSAJKHJSKAHGJ

JSDJ HDJSFKHSD J I WANNA KEEP GOUNG BUT THIS IS GONNA BE SO LONG IM SORRY. IM OBSESSED WITH EVERYTHING U WRITE ADHJSAHJSA.

ethan saying she wants water and her being like omg i do! SO CUTE.

I could write a thesis statement on peter doing that shot with trouble vs ethan saying no. and i think i will. he's SOOOOOOO- DHJFSJKSHDS

him calling her princess🤭🤭 changing my name to princess brb. he was actually talking to me, j. you got it confused. he wasn't talking to trouble <3. me <3.

i hope trent dies. can we kill him later? just a lil poisoning in the cathedral hall, nothing major <3

him saying she isn't totally insufferable🥹🥹 bare minimum i know but from peter thats basically an "i love you"

“You’re a fucking dick.” 

“Yeah, and you just wanna stick yours in her.” If he wouldn’t be at grounds of expulsion from the frat, Peter would’ve laid him the fuck out right then and there. “Shut the fuck up, Simpson. Just leave it alone.” He does, and throws the door open before parting you with a middle finger.  I CRIEDDDDDD

him calling her freshman after ignoring her after kissing her hurt my feelings but then he breathed or smth the next line and i was like ahh <3 forgiven.

i could go on and on and on but '‘big brother season.’  made me dfjkksd

I LOVE IT SO MUHCSJHDSJ

- 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

THE THESIS YOU JUST WROTE ME IM-???? LET ME SEND YOU A DOLLAR FOR THIS OR SOMETHING??

this actually makes my heart SWELL UP cause like... wow. this means the world. im over here giggling and throwing my laptop at the wall w this!!!

[yuukei-yikes]

So. Have you ever considered the parralls between HaruTaka and Hibiya&Hiyoro? I've always felt they have kind of a similar dynamic, esp I'd you're thinking pre-ayano-death Harutaka, and to me that's always added a little. Idk ~flavour~ to konha's babysitting

HMMMM not really when it comes to their dyanamics. i mean both are best friends and etc etc but what we see of hibiya and hiyori's dynamic is a little strange.

PERSONALLY i love to think of hibiya and hiyori as childhood friends instead of what the novels did (WHYYYY DID JIN DO THAT) (for anyone who didn't read them, in the novels hibiya and hiyori are just classmates, hibiya is obsessed with hiyori who he's never even spoken to, and they end up together in the city because hiyori wants a momo autograph so logically decides to run away from home to go to the city alone and brings hibiya bc she finds out he wants a cellphone so she's like you. random kid. ill get u a phone if u come with me and carry my stuff. and hibiyas like 🫡 thats it)

LIKE.... THEM BEING CHILDHOOD FRIENDS MAKES IT SOOOOOO MUCH HEAVIER AND MORE MEANINGFUL. i like to think hibiya was super normal to hiyori but entering their ~Preteens~ he gets a crush on her and starts being strange LOL which is why hiyori is so mean bc she really resents that the one person who treated her normal (bc she comes from a wealthy family where she's treated like she can do no wrong) is now different. like she's always been bratty and stuff to hibiya but she starts being VERY mean like we see her when he falls for her.

oh sorry i got a little sidetracked. well anyways i dont see much correlation between hibiya&hiyori and haruka&takane's relationships. like hiyori and takane are very similar on an aspect, both hate being seen in their vulnerable moments and etc. and hibiya and haruka learn to deal with that ig??

but for example, a situation like in yuukei yesterday where takane is exposed and she's crying all day and has sort of a heart to heart with haruka abt how he's never gonna hate her and etc. hibiya and hiyori COULD NEVER have that. like they could. but if anyone saw hiyori crying she would kill everyone in the room and then herself. lol. if that happened to them i think hiyori would awkwardly move on and pretends it didnt happen and every time hibiya brings it up she kills him on the spot.

i mean their ages probably play a part in it too, haruka and takane are evidently more mature than hibiya and hiyori who are literally 11/12 which is like the worst age to be ever and u have 0 eq. but yeah.

but if its about hiyori being mean to hibiya and takane being mean to haruka. NOOOOO!!! its NOTHING alike. hiyori's fucking horrible to hibiya because she's 12 and hibiya is also being insufferable and like, doesn't DESERVE it but also my guy how are u expecting her to react to u being Like That. especially if we think abt it from the idea that hiyori treats hibiya that way bc she resents his change in demeanor towards her.

while takane being mean to haruka is just when she's being silly abt her crush and like in the first lost days chapter in the sixth novel, sometimes she's straight up just fucking with him. LIKE aside from the yuukei yesterday mv we.... kind of barely see pissed off takane?? is that a hot take. its just. for the most part she's super friendly to haruka. she's totally normal. yeah she's grumpy/bitchy but ACTIVELY angry?? she only blushes and gets all GET AWAY FROM ME if haruka does something that embarrasses her. and sometimes she doesn't even do anything other than think it (shaking remembering the bit in the novels where haruka's eating and takane says well im glad you're happy. and haruka's says what did u say?? and takane's like NO NOTHING. then remarks he has ketchup on his mouth and hopes he gains weight overnight. for no fucking reason other than her apparently thinking he looked cute. she's so insane i love her. BUT LIKE SHE DOESN'T ACT ON HER PISSED OFF THOUGHT SHE'S JUST SITTING THERE FROM HARUKA'S POV)

like i can't stress it enough takane is so spectacularly mischaracterised it drives me crazy. like as ene there is a reason she acts that way, obviously bc she's in this whole Secret Identity thing but also it's SAID that she's that way bc now she's never tired like she used to be. ene is takane. ene's insufferable high energy and cheerfulness and good mood IS takane. erm. sorry ill stop before i get crazies.

ig its similar in like... hibiya/haruka being very kind, hiyori/takane being like wtf. whats wrong with you. that's weird. HMMM by thinking abt it like that i can see it. (i love that i start by saying No i dont see it then talk myself into it. i just start typing and then wherever it goes, it goes) BUT i dont think they got similar dynamics exactly, at least what we do see from hibiya and hiyori. thats why i started going on abt how their relationship mightve been before. maybe then yeah? because haruka&takane are besties and hibiya&hiyori too but we never... SEE them in that dynamic?? what I'd do to see it (punches wall)

but yeah i do like to think abt hiyori and takane's similar closed off personalities when i think of haruka and hiyori bonding hehe like he at least has an idea how to approach her. sorry hibiya and hiyori and haruka friendship post str (bites pillow and shakes it)

BY THE WAY. if ur interested in hiyori's characterisation i cannot recommend enough this fic (read tags before reading for warnings) it's about hiyori entering/in the daze and it's so interesting. i love it to bits because her characterisation is just SO good...

[sga-owns-my-soul]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks @wonkyelk and @esteefee for the tag!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

21 currently!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

27805! which is insane to me

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stargate atlantis 🥰

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Rodney McKay Has Worth (and not just for his brain) and Not Dating, but More Than Friends

Names Have Power

The Scientist and The Soldier

Expressions of Love and Trust

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to! i don't always see comments but i definitely try to respond, even it's just to say thanks for commenting i'm glad you enjoyed it! it means a lot to me when people take time out of their day to not only read my fics, but to also leave a comment. i always appreciate it!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

for posted fics, probably Bludgeoned, it's very angsty and ends with an vague insinuation that rodney may or may not survive his latest off-world incident. for fics in general it's definitely my Bad Timeline au wip where nothing happy happens

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ronon Gets Mad at Sheppard, i think. i've got a lot of fics with a happy ending but i'm really proud of this one and how it turned out. it was a bit of a challenge bc i don't write ronon very often but it was really fun to get into his character and i'm happy with how things got wrapped up in that one, i think it's a very cute fic

8. Do you get hate on fics?

thankfully, no!

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yesss i love writing smut 🙏🏼 im honestly surprised at how little smut i have on my ao3 honestly, i don't think i even have a kink fic posted which is my favourite kind of smut to write. i should fix that 🤔 (feel free to send me ideas!!)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i have written exactly one crossover in my life, i posted it unfinished on wattpad like a decade ago and it was a bones/one direction crossover where the boys got kidnapped by the gravedigger. i think i wrote like 4 chapters total before i abandoned it 😅

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of, and i really hope i never do. i have no issues with people sharing my fics but please don't claim it as your own!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of, but i would be so honoured if someone did!!!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i'm currently co-writing A Big Project with @the-mushroom-faerie but shhh it's a secret no spoilers

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

this will come as no surprise to anyone but it's mcshep 🥰🥰

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

so i had this idea for a fic about radek visiting rodney everytime he's in the infirmary, and it starts off with like a "hey can you sign off on these things cool thanks bye" but then after the storm he visits him and sees his arm and it progresses to radek getting very sad and stressed every time rodney gets hurt so he visits him in the infirmary. i've written a few scenes for it but it's such a big project that i doubt i'll ever finish it

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm very very good at writing angst and sadness, probably bc i am a void of angst and sadness 😂

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

endings i'm so bad at endings i can't write endings for SHIT i feel like most of my endings suck lmao i also cannot do technobabble i'm not smart 😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i only speak my bastard native language so i have to rely on other people or google translate so i very rarely do it, but i think it's so cool when other writers can do it!!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

uhhhh i don't remember if it was one direction or dan and phil that i first ever wrote for, i wrote for both of them right around the same time

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i really love all the fics i've written, both published and unpublished, but i think my absolute favourite fic i've written was this ficlet i posted here for a kiss prompt between ronon and jennifer (i just think it's so adorable and i love them and the little team dynamic/interaction is so sweet it's just so cute okay i love it)

Tags: @the-mushroom-faerie @spurious @frostysfrenzy @colonelshepparrrrd @frankthesnek and anyone else who wants to!!!

[organizedkhaoss]

Mustangs, Deer Ankles, and Split Images

Isn’t it wild how someone new can waltz into your life, and suddenly, your heart’s throwing a party you didn’t even know was on the calendar? "And yet, just as quickly, you realize that not every guest at the party is meant to stay until the music fades.

Jalen Thomas...I'd met the guy in late September on Hinge (just redownloaded and deleted the app to check the date and realized it says "short term relationship...yikes omg I played myself) and initially he was really fun to talk to! Eventually like most dating app interactions he asked for my number and why wouldn't he I'm fuckin interesting yupppp. But we talked consistently until it wasn't, which honestly was ok (no it wasn't I was devestated!! First interesting guy I've met in years and he's not consistent 🤦🏾‍♀️)

For background we had facetimed before and his voice kinda threw me off. It wasn't what I was expecting honestly. It was kind of white but like awkward sounding so it was weird; and after that I was ok if we were just Instagram mutuals or pals bc???? what was THAT!! But nonetheless we hung out and my perception changed. Im not sure if when I face timed him he was sick or maybe congested from laying down but in person his voice wasn't unbearable. It was a perfectly fine voice. Our hang out was not awkward, I think as people we're both awkward and it bounced off each other well. We did a lot of talking which I made sure of just so I could understand the vibes. There was no real phone time which I enjoyed a lot! It was just us breaking the ice and progressively becoming more and more comfortable with each other. I think what I liked most about him was how comfortable I felt. He's so awkward, cringy, lame, and insane or outrageous but in an admirable way. In the type of way that brings a twinkle to your eye because they're so outward about it that it makes you comfortable enough to do the same. After the first initial hang out I was locked in!! I was smiling, skipping, and giggling. I had so much hope in that very moment that this could be something special, something real. It felt like a connection I hadn’t experienced before, and I couldn’t help but get excited about where it might lead.

The next day I went to his school and met his friends and roommates and his friends were all nice young men but nothing compared to him. I don't know if I'm just insane orrrr but he was the most beautiful sight to me. To see him in his element with his friends and at the basketball game with no shame made me want him more. His skin is so clear and chocolatey. His eyes are like pools that you want to swim in and have your kids inherit so you can continue to love them past their youth. His personality is so refreshing!!! To have someone so unafraid of being cringy and unorthodox is so amazing to me. He made his friends look like supporting cast. But. something in the air felt off. I think even before I left Stevenson, within the first couple hours of me being there his energy felt shifted, but I assumed he was tired from all the energy he exerted at that basketball game. I wanted to have wishful thinking. In the end it feels like I may have overstayed my welcome but he was too nice to say anything.

The next morning I ended up forgetting my headphones, which… like girl, what. I texted him about it, and we both acknowledged my little mishap, but after that, from Wednesday to Thursday, there was no response from him, just constant posting. I became increasingly confused and a little anxious, wondering if I’d done something wrong or if he was just losing interest. The silence was loud, and it left me second-guessing everything. It wasn't until I talked to my friends and family about my stuff being there and him not answering that I decided to go up there abruptly at like 10pm at night. He ended up finally responding, giving me my stuff, and sending me the message seen above. To be frank, I'd only really known the guy for 2 days in real life but I was DEVASTATED omg. The excitement I had about this man was unmatched. It was comparable to when I first met my first real love. Then again it's more like I was shocked but not surprised. I should've followed my intuition.

He made such a lasting impression! He was the epitome of what type of guy I'm looking for right now personality-wise, but obviously, it didn't work out. It's kind of disheartening. It feels like love won't ever really come for me. It always feels like I'm reaching and putting in effort for something that just slips through my fingers. Like no matter how much hope or energy I put in, it’s never reciprocated in the way I need. It’s exhausting, and it makes me wonder if I’m asking for too much or if I’m just looking in the wrong places. I ended up listening to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, and honestly, its timing is very fitting. The way she sang, the pain in her voice, the yearning—it felt like she was putting words and melody to the emotions I couldn’t fully express. It’s like she understood the bittersweet mix of hope and heartbreak, the struggle of wanting something real and not knowing if it will ever come.

The next day, I woke up still devastated. I rode to class on my scooter and almost cried (I know, dramatic). But as the week progressed, I made the executive decision to give up! I'm so over men! The constant push and pull is not, and has never, served me. It’s exhausting and draining, and honestly, I deserve so much better than this emotional rollercoaster. I’m choosing to prioritize myself and my peace because, at the end of the day, I’m the one who truly has my back.

"And deep in my heart, the answer it was in me. And I made up my mind to define my own destiny."

It’s such a powerful reminder of self-worth and reclaiming your power!

[1d1195]

I would NEVER purposely skip a post of yours! especially Zipper! I love you and them too much to do that!

So Im not on the semester system, it's actually the quarter system! Which means I have 10 weeks of instruction and 1 week of finals! So I will be finishing up my second out of the three in the academic year. Truly hell lol midterms start the end of the 2nd week for some classes.... like today (Tuesday) I had my 3rd and final math midterm and our final exam is this Saturday. Truly insane lol OMG ALSO THIS WAS MY LAST DAY WITH MY HOT PROFESSOR 😭😭😭 so sad about that because I wont get to see that man anymore! LIKE WHERE IS MY MOTIVATION GONNA COME FROM NOW?! and we had our final presentations today and I got a compliment from him and dear god that sliver of praise made me dizzy😵‍💫

ANYWAYS! Im glad you have other writers as a support system!!! and yes! miss fireflies is so kind in general! and it's good to vent especially with someone you're comfortable with!

Im glad you're feeling a bit better about it! It's okay to have those feelings and sometimes you just have to feel them. I think overall tumblr has been a bit "slow" in general but maybe a middle of the week post may help? Like a little treat to keep going until the weekend? IDK either way you know your readers vibe so whatever you decided to do will be good!

ABAHAH OMG WE ARE BOTH BROWN HAIRED AND EYED GIRLIES CONSTANTLY OVERWHELMED!!! truly an accurate description of myself lol you're not alone at least!

and im kinda honored that you thought it was me?! liar is SO ME coded due to the lack of allowing myself to experience good things in life but that's a different story lol like Im about to fangirl for a bit but they did this podcast called song explore and they went into detail of how they made it in terms of instrumentation and all and UGH THIS WAS SO GOOD! i don't think ive ever mentioned it before but I was a musician so learning the details of the composition was a gift! Also if you ever need sad song inspo i got you bc the majority of my playlist is depressing lol

ANWAYSSSSSSSSSS im glad im back too! Hope you're well and that your week is good!!!-💜

Omg I would never think you purposefully didn’t read something! But still, you know I don’t expect you to read everything; I kind of thought you forgot and I sort of anticipated a follow up message! 💕😉

QUARTERS of course! I don’t hear of too many schools doing that so I totally forgot that exists. Well that makes more sense. That’s so overwhelming, V, I’m sorry :( I’m sure you’re used to it now but I would cry everyday so I have no doubt you’re doing phenomenally and I’m so proud of you!!! Omg RIP hot professor. I’m going to miss him 😭 you should go to his office hours if you need help with another class every once in a while just to say hi 😉😉

I would die without Miss Firefly having to put up with me all the time 😂

I didn’t know you were a musician!!! I’m musically DE-clined so I could never but that’s amazing. You have to be SUPER smart 😭 I can sing a little but I’m not good at instruments or composition or anything. God bless.

Every time I think my weeks can’t get crazier, they do 😂 but I’m alright. Excited to do NOTHING on Saturday

Xoxo

P.S. I think it’s cute we’re both brown haired and brown eyed 💕