#nothing like a good friendship breakup to get me screaming

[macadam]

Divorce movie good

[sprinkler-ashes]

the great war // aaron hotchner x reader

aaron hotchner x fem!reader

words: 5.5k

description: in which aaron hotchner thinks you’re hot-headed. inspired by the great war by taylor swift.

warnings: angst w/ a happy ending, one (1) steamy car makeout, cursing, typical cm violence depictions

a/n: long time no see, and i’m sorry about that. to make a long story short, summer was very awful on me; i had a breakup and am now back in school + drowning in work. I love this fic so much; it’s probably my favorite i’ve ever written and i hope you love it too <3 also!!! if you have a request for a fic to a song, please send it my way! taylor swift is my go-to, but i am open to any song request <3

you drew up some good faith treaties

i drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone

you said i have to trust more freely

but diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire

You should have known better than to date someone you worked with. No, actually, you should have known better than to date, of all people, your boss.

Date was a loose term.

You weren’t really sure when the lines between co-workers blurred into friendship and when friendship blossomed into early morning coffee dates and late evenings in the office together doing paperwork, and even later nights spent at dinner tables being hours deep into conversation. You knew it hadn’t happened out of nowhere. This thing between the two of you had been building up for years – years of pining.

There was a voice in the back of your head telling you that it was all too good to be true, but you pushed it back as far as you could. Besides, the two of you hadn’t even called it dating, but it sure did feel like it.

But it hadn’t felt like that in a really long time.

Aaron had put a stop to whatever was going on four months ago. He had given you some bullshit excuse that he was your boss, it was wrong of him to be doing whatever the two of you were doing with his subordinate — blah, blah – but you had stopped listening when your heart became so heavy you thought it was going to physically weigh you down.

You had been through breakups before, even some serious ones, but nothing had ever felt like this. 

You tried to stop him, but he was also a man who had made his mind up; it was impossible to get through to him that you didn’t want to end it.

So you went back to work acting like nothing had happened. And it was about to be the death of you.

However, you were a professional. It’s not like the team even knew about you and Aaron. You acted the same as always when you were at work. No one suspected anything because no one knew what you were going through.

You didn’t talk to Aaron unless you had to. Truthfully, you hadn’t spoken to him for anything that wasn’t work-related since he basically dumped you on a random Wednesday evening for reasons you couldn’t fathom, but that didn’t mean you didn’t try.

In the beginning, you tried reaching out. You called, you texted him a couple of times, and you had even been so desperate one night that you sent him an email. Each time, you were met with rejection, and him saying something along the lines that both of you should just forget about everything.

So you did by cutting all contact. You thought to yourself, I’ll show him, but it really did nothing. If it bothered him, he never showed it.

It seemed like nothing bothered him until now. A whole whopping four months later.

“Not only did you blow our cover, but you walked into a hostage situation with no weapon to defend yourself; you didn’t even strap a vest on. You are lucky that no one died or was seriously injured.” Aaron wasn’t yelling – he was actually just slightly an octave below yelling – but it sure as hell sounded like he was screaming because his voice had never been like this towards you.

You frowned, not liking the way he was calling you out in front of everyone – in front of a group of people that you greatly admired and respected. “What else was I supposed to do, Hotch? If I hadn’t gone in there, that woman would have died. I was trying to save her life.”

“Save her life?” he asked incredulously. “From the moment you burst through those doors, you put her in even more danger than she was already in. Not only could she have died, but you also could have.”

“Why are you giving me so much shit over this?” you asked, throwing your hands up in anger, not paying attention to the awkward glances your team was giving each other. “I’m not the only one who's done this, and I won’t be the last. I don’t care to risk my life trying to save someone else. I’m sorry that I blew everyone’s cover, but I won’t apologize for saving her.”

Aaron shook his head, his demeanor that was normally unreadable was completely gone. “You’re on probation, effectively immediately-”

“What? I, Hotch-”

“You will not physically assist in any cases for the next two weeks. You will still travel to cases, but you will work directly from the police department. You will not be allowed to go in the field.”

He kept talking, his mouth moving a mile a minute listing off all the things you were allowed to do and what you couldn’t do, but you couldn’t focus on anything he was saying. You were so tempted to slap your boss across the face and if it wouldn’t have technically been workplace harassment, you probably would have.

“Hotch, we’ve all made mistakes,” Derek Morgan said. “No one ended up hurt tonight. With all due respect, I think a two week probation is a little harsh.”

You wanted to thank Derek for sticking up for you, but you couldn’t form words at that moment. Your feet were on the move faster than you could even think as they took you to the SUV that you’d arrived in, not wanting to hear Aaron talk to Derek about you. All you wanted to do was get on the jet, leave the small Arkansas town you were in, get back to Quantico, and try to stop thinking about Aaron Hotchner.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t as easy as you liked to think.

You rode back to the hotel with Emily and JJ, who had let you sit in the front seat, and didn’t dare look either of them in the eye. Emily tried to make small talk to lighten the mood, but you could barely even think about anything other than your probation and the way that Aaron had talked to you in front of everyone. She eventually took the hint, and the three of you rode back to the hotel in silence.

You finally turned to Emily once the SUV came to a stop. “Do you know if we’re leaving tonight or in the morning?” Normally, if you finished a case late, you always preferred to spend the night in the hotel in order to get some rest, but there was nothing you wanted more than to just go home now.

“Uh, tonight,” Emily said with a grimace. “Sorry, I know you usually hate leaving immediately after.”

You shook your head. “Not this time. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to go home more than I do right now.”

Emily eyed you up and down, taking in your slumped, exhausted body. Her eyes flickered up to the mirror, catching JJ’s eye who was giving an equally worried look. “Do you want to talk-”

“Not right now, Emily,” you interrupted. “I’m going to pack my stuff up. Can you send me a text when it’s time to go?”

Emily looked like she wanted to say more, but she didn’t, sensing you obviously didn’t want to talk about it right now. “Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled. “See you guys soon.” With that, you were out of the SUV before either of them could unbuckle their seatbelts and on your way to the entrance of the hotel you were staying in along with the rest of the team.

Typically, you shared a room with someone, but luckily for you, it was your turn to get your own this time, which you couldn’t have been more thankful for when you swiped your keycard and finally got to be alone for a minute.

You knew that Emily meant well. She had been one of your closest friends since you had joined the team. You felt a tinge of guilt at how closed off you had been to her in the car when she was just trying to make sure you were okay. However, you really weren’t okay, and you really didn’t want Emily to know the full extent of what was going on.

After hastily packing your things and grabbing a quick shower, you received a text from Emily that it was time to go. On your way down to the lobby to meet her, it was finally setting in that you were, quite literally, exhausted. You’d been awake since before daylight and a quick glance at the time shining on your phone reminded you that you had been awake for nearly seventeen hours.

You rode with Emily, JJ, and Rossi to board the jet, but ended up napping the entire short duration of the drive. Truthfully, you hadn’t even realized you’d fallen asleep until Rossi had nudged you awake.

When you were finally in the air, you allowed yourself to catch a glance at your infuriating boss who was still, as usual, in his suit with his tie and jacket discarded, writing in a file.

Probably writing me up, you bitterly thought to yourself. You knew you had done a not-very-smart thing, but by the time you figured out that the original plan the team came up with wasn’t going to work, it was too late. If you hadn’t darted through the door and startled the unsub, the poor woman who was taken hostage was going to meet a very similar fate that four other women faced.

You could admit that it was a rash, last minute decision, but you didn’t regret it. You saved a woman’s life and helped capture an awful man who would have never stopped if not caught. It felt like Aaron was punishing you for something that wasn’t the decision you made tonight. Two weeks on probation felt a little extreme to you.

Twenty minutes into the flight, Derek, Rossi, and JJ were already asleep while Emily looked like she was close to following. Spencer was nursing what you thought was his second coffee in the short time on the jet, a pair of headphones in as he watched something on the tablet he had propped up.

That left only you and Aaron sitting in silence.

This had been a particularly hard case that had to be solved in under seventy-two hours in order to prevent any more victims since you, with the help of Spencer, figured out that the unsub operated on stalking and kidnapping his victims on a specific schedule. Hardly anyone had gotten much sleep in an attempt to solve the case as soon as possible – hence why nearly everyone was asleep.

Aaron finally spoke after nearly fifty minutes into the flight from his seat in front of you after Emily and Spencer had finally drifted off, though you weren’t sure how Spencer was even sleeping considering he had downed two coffees. “You should get some rest.”

“Don’t worry about me,” you said bitterly, keeping your eyes straight ahead. “I’ll be getting lots of rest in the next two weeks considering I can’t really do anything else on probation, so thanks, but I’m good.” The words were tumbling out before you could even comprehend what you’d said. In a normal situation, you’d be worried that speaking to your boss like that would result in its own consequences but considering you were already on probation, what was the harm?

He said nothing.

—

It was nine days into what felt like the most excruciatingly long probation known to man, and you still had five more days to go.

You had just gotten back from a case in Maine where you, unfortunately, barely got to do anything other than help out at the police station. In addition, you had to finish several online modules assigned to you by Strauss on safety in the field, which was, in your opinion, ridiculous considering you had been at the BAU for a good amount of time – long enough to know all about safety in the field.

“I think I’ve gone past the point of exhaustion,” Emily said as you came off the elevator as she stifled a yawn. “Is that a real thing?”

“Yes, my beautiful friend who I am so happy to see. That means you need to get home and rest.”

Penelope Garcia was there to greet you at the elevator, a warm smile lighting up her face as she gave Emily a hug then turned to you. “How are you doing?”

“I’ll be fine in five days when this stupid probation is over,” you told Penelope, watching her give you a sympathetic smile.

“I’m heading out, but you have my number if you need me,” she told you with a comforting pat to your arm. “Goodnight ladies.”

Penelope was on the elevator to leave as you and Emily, after waving off Penelope, filed off to your desks to pack up to go back to your apartments.

“Got a hot date tonight?” Emily asked jokingly.

You laughed and shook your head. “Haven’t had a hot date in a long time. What about you?”

It was true. The last date you had been on was four months ago with the man who also happened to be your boss and who also happened to be your number one enemy right now.

“Just with Sergio.”

You and Emily were already on your way out to leave for the night officially until you stopped in your tracks when you reached the elevator. “Ugh, I just realized I left my phone charger at my desk. You can go on without me.”

“You sure? I don’t mind waiting,” she said as she stepped into the elevator.

You nodded. “Go on; it’s late. Have a good night, Emily.”

A huff left your mouth as you turned back on your heel to walk back to your desk. Your hands grasped the charger laying under several files that you (probably) needed to look at, but tonight was not the night for that.

However, you realized it was definitely not your night at all when you tried to turn your car on, only to be met with a sound of spluttering.

“Not tonight,” you groaned, repeatedly trying to turn your key to start the engine, but the car never started, much to your luck. “Are you serious right now?”

Your car was by no means brand new, but it was a good car and not often did it give you problems. Except for tonight. Or in other words, the one night you desperately wanted to go home, take a shower, and go to bed.

You weren’t really sure of your options. You could probably call Emily. She couldn’t have gotten too far down the road. Maybe she could give you a ride since her apartment was on the way to your place. Another option was calling an Uber, but –

Your car door opening knocked you out of your train of thought. Your brain immediately went into fight-or-flight, and you chose fight as your hands instinctively reached for the pepper spray on your key ring.

“Hey! It’s just me.”

It was Aaron with his hands outstretched into a surrender position, his suit jacket hanging from the crease where his arm bent. “Why are you sitting in the parking lot in the dark with your car unlocked? Do you know how easy it would be for someone to-”

“Come up and kidnap me? Yeah, I learned all about it in my online safety training this past week as if I didn’t already know,” you sassed with an eye roll. “I think my battery is dead. I usually keep jumper cables in here, but I cleaned my car out last week and must have taken them out. I’m probably going to have to call an Uber.”

You didn’t know why you were telling him all of this. The small voice in the back of your head knew why, but you weren’t willingly to actively think about it. You had enough on your plate right now.

“I’ll give you a ride home.”

“Like hell you will,” you told him.

“You do know I’m your boss, and you technically can’t speak to me like that?”

“You won’t fire me. You'll just put me on probation.”

He paused, his eyes closing momentarily before opening them again and going back to his stoic demeanor as usual. “Let me drive you home, so I will know that you got home safely. Please.”

You wanted to say no, but it was late and getting a ride home from Aaron meant that you didn’t have to bother Emily or lose money on an Uber. The only thing you’d be losing, in your opinion, was what little dignity you had left when it came to Aaron.

It’s just a ride home, you told yourself in your head.

“Fine.” You had admitted defeat. “Give me a second.”

He turned his back to you and started to walk away from your car. When you knew for sure he couldn’t see you, you positioned the rearview mirror so you could see yourself in it. Before you could stop yourself, you attempted to fix your hair as nicely as possible and then took a moment to stop what you were doing. You scoffed at yourself and shook your head.

“What is wrong with me?” You asked yourself aloud. “He doesn’t care. Neither do you.”

However, after you grabbed your things, you did sneak one more look in the mirror before getting out of your car and locking it. You were glad when you took another look to see Aaron not looking in your direction. 

 You made your way over to Aaron’s signature parking spot, the same one he parked in every morning, and met him there, his hands typing something out on his phone until he noticed your presence.

Without missing a beat, he opened the passenger door for you. You wanted to tell your heart to stop when that familiar flutter came back like it used to all those months ago. You opened your mouth, but he stopped you before you could say anything.

“No need for a remark. I’m just opening the door for you.”

“I was going to say thanks.”

A ghost of a smile danced across his face as he shut the door. It was so quick if you weren’t paying attention then you wouldn’t have seen it.

Your eyes adjusted to the interior of Aaron’s car, déjà vu hitting you from the first time you were ever in his car. But you forced those thoughts back down with a grimace and a reminder of how that ended the first time.

With one hand gripping the wheel and the other holding onto the back of your seat as his torso turned, eyes watching behind as he backed out, you thought you were going to throw up. Not because you were sick, but because Aaron was so damn attractive in doing the simplest things like backing up a car.

“You can turn on the radio if you want,” Aaron told you. “Your cord is still in here.”

You bit your lip, eyes locking onto the green cord still plugged in. “I’ve been looking for that everywhere. I had to buy a new one for my car.”

Back when you were frequently with Aaron, and he was typically the designated driver when you went places, you often complained about the lack of music in his car. He only listened to whatever was on the radio. He had no CDs nor did he have an AUX cord, claiming something about never being in his personal car long enough to deal with music in it.

After that day, you put your AUX cord in his car the next time you were in it and controlled the music, often giving him a performance to your favorite songs in the car as he drove. Aaron never complained like a lot of guys would. Instead, he would watch you belt a heartbreak ballad with an amused smile.

But that was months ago. And things were much different now.

“I would’ve given it back to you, but it’s slipped my mind. Feel free to take it with you.”

The happy memories that the AUX cord brought back were pushed to the back of your head again at his words. He told you to take it because there was no point in it anymore. You two were done.

You didn’t plug the cord into your phone. You didn’t play a song. You sat in the terrible silence, wishing it wasn’t silent like before, but it was silent, and Aaron was acting like nothing was wrong. 

Another awkward moment passed as he kept driving, the route to where you lived engraved as he had driven there many times. Aaron didn’t have to ask you where you lived because he knew. He knew from all the late nights he dropped you back off. The thought of all the previous times you’d been on this exact same drive under different circumstances made your head hurt.

“Why did you put me on probation?” The words slipped out before you could stop them.

“You know why I put you on probation. You comprised the safety of yourself, the team, and-”

“I compromised the safety of myself, the team, and the victim, yes, I know, but you put me on a two week probation when I can name off countless times that others on the team have done worse and didn’t get put on a two-week probation,” you argued back. “I know I messed up, but at the end of the day, it feels like you’re punishing me for something.”

He nodded, his eyes staying trained on the road. “I am punishing you for something, and that something is compromising-”

“I swear if you say compromise one more time-”

“Compromising your safety and the safety of others.”

You didn't say anything. Your arms were crossed as you looked out the window and into the dark as objects moved past you, reaching closer to your destination.

Aaron spoke your name, but you didn’t want to look at him.

“What?”

“Look at me,” he said as the car came to a stop at a redlight.

You reluctantly looked over, not prepared to see him already looking at you. You swallowed, trying to keep your gaze on him.

“I’d rather you be angry with me than even thinking about the possibility of you getting hurt.”

You couldn’t speak even if you wanted to because he kept going.

“When I saw you run into that warehouse, it was one of the only times in my life that I have been so scared that I couldn’t think straight. I put you on probation because you did something reckless. All of us outside thought we lost you when we heard the gunshots. I know you and a few others thought probation was too harsh, but it’s important for you to know that if you’re going to storm a hostage situation, you have to communicate with us. The team cannot lose you,” Aaron told you, his eyes never leaving yours. “I can’t lose you. Understood?”

You were pretty sure that at this point your voice was gone. You simply nodded.

The light turned green, and Aaron started driving again, his eyes finally breaking contact. “Finish out your probation next week and then put it behind you.”

There were no more words spoken. It was silent. You didn’t know how to respond to anything he had just said to you.

Except you did have one question. You weren’t even sure if you wanted the answer to it.

“If you can’t lose me,” you started, fiddling with the sleeve of your top, “then why did you end things?”

“It was for the best,” Aaron said, breaking your heart all over again. “I’m your boss-”

“You being my boss didn’t seem to be a problem when your mouth was on mine every time you dropped me off from dinner.”

He didn’t seem to have an answer for that. You sat smugly in your seat waiting for him to say something.

“You want the truth?”

“I’ve only been asking you for the truth for four months now,” you shot back.

“I fell in love with you.”

Aaron said it so casually that you had to do a double take, your mouth slightly opening. Out of all the things he could’ve said, you did not in a million years think that would be it. Your heart was pounding, and there was a moment where you thought that you had imagined him saying that he fell in love with you, but he really did say it.

He continued. “I thought it was best to end what was going on between us because things would’ve only escalated, and I didn’t want people to think negatively about you. You’re a strong woman in a male-dominated field. You’ve worked hard to get to where you are. You should be taken seriously and unfortunately, going out with your boss doesn’t look good on paper. I hurt you, and I’m truly sorry for that.”

You hadn’t even realized it when Aaron had finally pulled up to the huge parking lot of your apartment building, which was surprisingly vacant for a Thursday night. The words he’d said were dancing around in your head. You hadn’t done anything wrong. It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

Even after everything, all you really wanted was him.

“Aaron,” you said as you turned to him when he put the car in park, “I mean this with all due respect, but that’s not just your decision to make. I should get a say. I wish you had told me because for the last four months I’ve been going crazy with overthinking. That’s why it hurt so much when you put me on probation. I thought you were punishing me for something between us. Please don’t shut me out because I’m in love with you, and quite frankly, I don’t give a shit about what people say about me.”

“But people will talk about you-”

“So?”

“And there’s also Strauss-”

“Who we can deal with. I’m not afraid of Erin Strauss,” you cut him off again.

He raised his eyes before you spoke again. “Okay, maybe I’m slightly afraid of her, but that doesn’t change anything. You don’t choose who you fall in love with. If people want to talk about me for being in love, then let them. I just want to be with you, so please stop trying to protect me. I can handle anything.”

“Okay,” Aaron said after a minute. “Okay. If you want to do this, there is a lot to discuss work-wise.”

“That’s fine. I have a lot of time to discuss things. I’m on probation.” 

Every other time you had brought up your probation, it had been with anger, but this time, there was only a grin on your face. Even though you were still mad about that damn probation, which was another conversation for another time, you figured you might as well make a joke out of it.

Aaron couldn’t keep a straight face. “Yes, you are for five more days. You still have one more module on safety in the field to complete.”

“Screw you,” you said half-jokingly.

“You wish,” he shot right back.

“You’re damn right I do.”

It was as if there was a shift in the air. You’d spent four months without him and in that moment you had decided you never really wanted to go another second without him. There was still a lot to talk about between the two of you, but for now, all you really wanted to do was kiss him.

Even when the two of you were “seeing” each other, or whatever it was, there wasn’t much physical affection. Aaron always kissed you before dropping you off at night, but it was always short, sweet, and simple. Tonight, you didn’t want short, sweet, and simple as your goodbye kiss.

“You should be getting in. It’s late,” he told you, but neither of you made an effort to move. In fact, it felt like you had only gotten closer. You could feel Aaron’s breath fan your face.

You leaned even closer, your face only inches from his. “You gonna tell me goodnight?”

Aaron never replied, only moving to close the small gap between the two of you, his lips pressing against yours in a way that almost felt desperate.

You were the one to take it a step further as your mouth opened wider and one of your hands slid up to rest on his shoulder. Aaron gladly took the hint. His tongue was in your mouth and before you could process it, one hand had moved to cup your face while the other rested on your thigh.

He pulled back for a moment, but only to mess with something under his seat. You gave him a confused look, still breathing heavily. “What are you doing?”

Aaron’s seat had scooted back further to open more room between him and the steering wheel, and you realized what he was doing now. He simply shrugged. “The console is in the way.”

With that, you laughed and maneuvered yourself across the center console that Aaron seemed to hate at the moment. His hands instinctively grabbed your waist in an attempt to help you move over and onto him – literally.

You took in your current situation for a moment. You were straddling Aaron Hotchner in his car in a parking lot. If you had told yourself earlier in the morning that this is where you would be, you would not have believed it.

His lips were back on yours before you could think about anything else, hands still gripping your waist while yours moved to his hair. You were pressed against him, your chest to his, and left no room between the two of you.

“This okay?” He mumbled as his warm hands snaked underneath your shirt, now resting on your bare hips. He pressed a kiss to your jaw while you nodded, a deep breath leaving your mouth. He smiled against your jaw before reattaching his lips again, but this time to your neck.

You couldn’t think of the last time you felt like this. Your body felt like it was literally on fire, and Aaron’s mouth wasn’t doing anything to extinguish that fire – only making it worse.

As much as you loved the hot, open-mouthed kisses to your neck, you cupped his face, guiding him back up to your lips. Your hands slid to tangle in his hair, earning you a throaty sound from him, which only encouraged you further as you smiled against his lips before going back to kissing him.

Aaron pulled back only a few seconds later, both of you breathing heavily in a hot and flustered state. “As much as I’m enjoying this, we probably shouldn’t get too carried away in here.”

“What? Car sex isn’t on your bucket list?” You joked.

He laughed as you leaned into the hand cupping your face. “You deserve better than a car the first time.”

“So what I’m hearing is car sex after the first time?”

Aaron gave you one of his rare grins, and it lit up your entire world. “You are impossible.”

“I’m just kidding,” you said, giving him a peck on the cheek. “I really should be getting in the bed. My boss is making me come in at eight-thirty tomorrow for a meeting.”

“Oh really? He sounds very smart.”

You playfully rolled your eyes and with the help of Aaron, you moved back over to the passenger seat. “I will see you bright and early in the morning.”

“Looking forward to it.”

You gave him one last kiss before gathering your bag and opening the car door. “Goodnight, Aaron.”

“Goodnight,” he told you.

You shut the door and with a smile on your face, waved to him one last time before making your way towards the entrance of your apartment building.

However, before you could get very far, you heard Aaron’s voice calling your name. You turned around to see him with his window down.

“Did I forget something?” You called to him and watched confusedly as he shook his head.

“Your hair looked fine earlier. You didn’t have to fix it just for me.”

[bangytell]

A Little Help

Practically on my knees, but I know I shouldn't think about it, you know what you're doin' to me. Ariana Grande –Break up with your girlfriend, Cause i'm bored

Summary: Jungkook offers to be a rebound after your ex, Jimin, just cheated on you, What could go wrong with that?

Genre: Friends to Lovers

Rated: m +18

Pairing: Jimin x reader, Jungkook x reader

Word Count:2k

Warnings: oral (f receveing), (m receveing), protected sex, and maybe just a bit angsty at the beginning

a/n: I went to a party, some things happened with a couple i just met and i got all crazy with this idea, i finished up at 5 am and i enjoyed pouring everything out. Also i believe that after looking at those Jungkook photos for that magazine got me thinking different. Anyway just enjoyy.

You have never done something like this, and coming from the you that got hurt, shouldn't  mean a good thing. But why the heck not? Jimin didn't even think once before being unfaithful, why would you take a second to rethink this, he offered, and you’re drunk enough to ride the motorcycle. With your arms around his toned torso, he takes you to his loft. 

Only this time for something different, something never crossed your mind before.

It was a warm day in August, Jimin finally had agreed to meet your parents, and everything between you two seemed to be just how it was supposed to be; he treated you like a princess, bought you flowers, nothing could be wrong, right? Except that it was, after the dinner with your parents, and getting the same lecture from your best friend Namjoon beforehand “how can you trust the man after dating for five whole months and not asking to meet your parents” now it comes to your mind, all those times that the said it, and he loved you, that was why he told you, but Jimin had you in his arms, so foolishly in love to ever realized that you were the girl he could keep lying to the most time. The next day you went to Jimin’s apartment, to surprise, when actually the surprise was more for you, he was fucking with a classmate of yours, on the same couch you did it several times. You didn’t cry, you didn’t scream or shouted anything, you closed the door and walked away. Jimin went behind you, saying that it was all a mistake, that he loved you and would change for you, as if that could mean anything by that point. 

“Jimin, get the fuck away from me, we are done, don’t call me, don’t look for me, we are over, go back to fucking that whore” he didn’t move anymore, in the five months you dated not that much of curse words came with your vocabulary, he was obviously shocked, and so were you. 

You called Namjoon, he answers and after you said your sad hello and he asks was wrong, you cry, every memory comes to your mind 

“Where are you?” “At your apartment?” you make a noise, something to agree on what he asked and he hangs up, after 20 minutes you hear your door, is him.

It’s always been like this, Namjoon always had your back. And you have his, 5 years of friendship will have to take as something.

He doesn’t ask, he hugs you, lays with you on the couch and strokes your hair while you cry for you don’t know how long. 

“He cheated on me” 

“It's better for you like this” you nod, cause he always told you that.

You made a poor choice of boyfriends before, and every breakup Namjoon had always said the same.

After a week of feeling like shit, you get a phone call, as you watch your romantic comedy movie, but you choose to answer.

“Namjoon, I told you like five times that I don’t want to go to that club” you answer, as an instinct, it is always Namjoon who calls you, right? you hear a soft chuckle on the line, and when you check, you don’t recognize the number

“I’m not Namjoon, is Jungkook actually” his voice sounds raspy 

“Jungkook?” you hear music in the background, and a few laughs, is he at a party?

“Yes, I already said that” he chuckles, again, and something within you lightened up

“Why would you be calling me? and what do you want? I told Jimin not to look for me” 

“Those were a lot of questions, how about you come over to this party, and I can tell you all about it” you don’t answer, what if Jimin is at the party? “Jimin is not here, if you are asking, but Namjoon is, he asked me to convince you” you chuckle this time 

“Why would he tell you?”

“He thinks I have a way with people, are you coming?”

Jimin’s best friend is inviting you to a party, where he could be, cause they are best friends, you dont wanna see him and get drunk, cause if you do that you don't know if he will stay ex that way.

“C’mon beautiful, just enjoy yourself a little” 

“I'll go, but don't tell me beautiful again” he chuckles

“You’ll have fun sweetheart, I promise, and you said not to call me beautiful, so i didn’t” was he always like this? maybe not because you were dating his friend, but you could take the chance

“Text me the location” and you hang up, you change your pajamas for a brown top and a pair of jeans, with sneakers, get a bit of eyeliner, not too much or you'll get carried away.

[Here’s the address, beautiful:) \location\] he texted you 

[I thought I told you not to call me that] he replied with an emoji the kiss one, you get the keys to your car, cause surely Namjoon doesn’t have his and you drive, it's actually close, after 10 minutes your car is already parked and you text Jungkook that you're outside, he comes to the door to greet you it was a fraternity party, so loud, louder than when he called you, maybe he was further away.

You walk in and Namjoon hugs you and whispers “you look amazing” . He smells so much of alcohol you respond that he looks great too.

You get a few drinks, talk to Namjoon and his friend, Hoseok, as always, he’s all touchy with you, he stopped when Jimin and you dated, but knows that all is over. What you don't notice is Jungkook's gaze directed at you, and Hobi’s hand on your thigh, you brush it off, probably wasn't even looking at you there's a lot of people at the party. 

You get up, to smoke a cigarette outside, you need the fresh air, Jungkook follows you.

“Hey” Jungkook was there, next to you at the balcony.

“Hey, you” he smirks

“You look so beautiful” you chuckle, letting go of the smog of the cigarette 

“And why do you decide to say this now?” he shrugs and you smoke a little more

“We have a class together, remember?” you nod, it was the same as Jimin. French. The one you don't actually have to take, but seems to be the easier, just to fill the school schedule 

“That’s where i met Jimin, and.. you”

“But i can’t compete with Jimin, that’s for sure” you chuckle, he had him in a pedestal or something 

“Jimin already wins at being the most cheater, are you trying to win that?” he denies with his head, your cigarette is done by now, but by the way Jungkook is looking at you, you don't know if you wanna go back inside 

“Jimin did you wrong, I told him that one day you'll find out”

“So you knew and didn't tell me? well talk about loyalty”

“It's not like that” you shrug, and light up another cigarette

“Then what is it like Jeon, hm?” you don't know where the confidence is coming, so you just go with it.

“I didn't want to hurt you Y\N?” you chuckle

“Me? Why would you care about me and not your friend?”

“Believe it or not, it was about you, it was always about you” you gaze him, hes serious, not moving with his eyes locked with yours, so full and big you could get lost 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Now that you're done with him, let me get through you”

“You wanna fuck with me?” he chuckles

“Not just that Y/N, or if that is what you want, i'll have it”

“Explain it to me, everything” he leans closer, you're surprised he still hasn't looked at your boobs, his cologne smells amazing, so soft but not sweet, and not to much to smell from afar but enough to notice when you're close enough, like how you're right now.

“I always liked you Y/N since the first semester” but you have only met him the first semester, how?... “I took french cause Jimin told me that was were the good looking girls went, and i was a freshman, so we went together, and he always had that charm with women, I don't know how he does it, he went after every girl at the classroom, but i could only looked at you, how your copper hair was always shining, how after every lesson you just knew everything” he noticed all that? “Am I scaring you?”  he noticed your expression, but you're not scared, not at all. 

“No, you aren't” 

“Jimin got your attention before i tried, and i just couldn't tell him that i liked you, he was my friend, first foremost and i know it hasn't been long since you left him, but give me a chance, give me tonight, and if you think that you can't get him out of your mind, i'll leave it be”

“Jungkook, I-...” why not? Even he knew that Jimin didn't treat you right, all the time you dated he cheated, he just wanted one girl after the other. 

Why not try one night with someone that will appreciate it. Why not? Screw it.

You kissed him, slowly, his hand went to your neck, slowly pulling to deepen the kiss, your hands were on his arms, trying to grasp from something. 

When you pull away, just a little, still close to him you whisper under your breath “Take me out of here” he nods, you go inside, ask who hasn't drink that much, Hobi is your answer, you give him the car keys and tell him to take Namjoon home, he agrees, and you step away again, the music now is more quieter, leaving you with your thoughts while you wait Jungkook to bring his motorcycle from where he left it. And that bring us to the beginning where you're on your way to an apartment you only visited once or twice in the five months you dated him, not saying his name now while your hands can feel the toned body of Jungkook, he works out, regularly, more than him; you can tell, his back is wider, and more firm. You arrive after 30 minutes, once inside neither of you can't wait, after tasting those soft lips you can't seem to have enough.

The bed is upstairs, it is a nice building, his bedroom is surrounded by windows, you're way too high up for anyone to see, to hear you maybe it will be easier.

He helps you get naked, slowly taking his time with each cloth, kissing and licking making his way through your body.

He caress your breast while getting each nipple sucked but not in a way that hurts like Jim… he makes you look at him, while opens up your legs and gets in between them

“Aren't you taking your clothes off” he smirks and denies with his head

“Not yet baby doll” he caresses your thighs, slowly making his way up to your vagina “I wanna make sure that you cum more than one time” he doesn't give you time to answer, or to think.

at the edge of his bed he start to lick you, he knows where, how, and is making you squirm, he starts to fasten his pace 

“Jungkook…” you try to tell him that you dont wanna cum yet, that you need him inside, but before you can think of that, he already made you finish while you said his name. Like a mantra, like when you were little and at school they make you repeat everything. Jungkook's name does not leave your mouth. 

He slowly gets away from you, helps you lay down while he goes away a little to his night stand. He makes you sit down so you can see him get naked, he starts with his shirt, his tattoos that hugs his skin makes him look so good, he continues with his pants, and you get

to see his dick, by now is wet with pre cum and that makes you feel good about yourself, like you know that just by being you he gets like that. And it is like that. He starts to rip the condom when you stand to get him closer, he didnt expect when you start to lick the tip of his dick, getting full of your saliva and trying to get inside your mouth as far as you can, he whisper under his breath your name, and you feel like you have to compensate what he did to you, but when you least expected he had already got you laying down again. he gets the condom in and asks you, getting in missionary “Are you sure about this?” you smile and nod “Please say it” you grab him, his dick more specifically and answer

“Please, get inside of me” he smirks, and doesn't make you wait any longer, starts with a slow pace, looking at you while you moan and try to keep eye contact. His thrust get harder, same pace just harder, and you feel him get deeper and you moan louder

“Fuck! yes, like that!” he keeps the pace 

“You like that huh gorgeous?” he smirks and you feel yourself more and more like you're becoming his, all fully to him

Now his thrust is faster, and with his thumb he starts to finger your clitoris, while he's inside of you, moaning your name and saying that you're all his in that raspy voice.

Once again you let yourself go while he's inside of you 

“Yes baby, you feel amazing” he moans, and with a few more strokes he finishes inside of you, even with the condom that feels amazing.

He pulls away, and you try to stand to get to the bathroom. He gets to you after throwing the condom away

“I'll help you” he takes you in his arms and leaves you inside the bathroom “There's towels inside the closet and if you want i'll help you open the water so you'll get a hot shower” you thank him and he closes the door behind him. You'll never get this pampered after sex, it's weird to you. You don't need the shower so you get yourself dry after all the sweat. Maybe you'll have to go home after this, but it's so late, and you don't have your car and…

“Y/N? Are you good? I can borrow some clothes if you wanna sleep in” 

You open the door, he's wearing a pair of boxers and now you miss your underwear.

“You don't have to bother, i'll just get an uber” he denies with his head

“I won't let you leave my house in an uber, I can get my car if you really wanna leave but i really would like it if you stay” by the end you already had your underwear on, next to his bed.

“You want me to stay? with you?” he nods

“Yes, with me, please sleep here, i can take my couch if you want” he pleaded and you nodded 

“Okay, but borrow me some pajamas” he chuckled and helped you with some clothes.

You fell asleep under his arm, breathing so slowly and deep every detail in his face. His moles and dimples, the scar in his right cheek, you’ll be sure to ask for that later, after him saying good night and turning off the lights you drifted off.

The smell of coffee brings you back to life, the soreness in your body feels so much heavier and you can't seem to be able to get up. You hear Jungkook singing at a distance, he has a good pitch, your phone starts to sound, it's Namjoon, so you pick up.

“Where in the hell are you?’ he shouts 

“I'm at Jungkook's house” you whisper, carefully not to call his attention for now 

“Excuse me, what?” you chuckle a little

“It's a long story, to make it short right now this is the best sex i've had in like forever”

“Well thank you baby” you shout a little and Jungkook burst into laughter

“Jungkook… good morning?” you start to laugh too “I’ll call you back Nam, love you”

“I’m sorry” you cover up your face, that was embarrassing, at top of the list for sure 

He takes your hands and you make eye contact. 

“Sorry you had to hear that” he chuckled

“No worries honey, it was a boost to my ego so no hard feeling” you chuckled “And good morning, i made breakfast and coffee” 

“What time is it?” he looks over his watch, he took a shower, his damp hair is falling his forehead and his skin was glowing with the sunrays through the windows

“It’s just 9 right now, i figured you have classes today so i let you sleep a little more” you smiled, he is always attentive?

“Thank you…” you smile and look down 

“Is something the matter?” you deny with your head 

“You’re too sweet” you gaze upon him, he smiles

“Is that the problem” you deny again

“No, it's just… new to me, just that”

“Well, i want to make it your routine, and still surprise you, if you let me” 

“Let’s take it with ease, i smell pancakes” he nods 

“Get up so i can drive you to your place and then to class, if that's okay with you”

“I think i'll have to accept, probably Hobi still has my car and i don't wanna be late”

“My pleasure gorgeous” you smile and feel really good

You know that everything around Jungkook feels better, somebody that actually treats you differently, maybe accepting tonight wasn't such a bad idea after all. 

masterlist

©️bangytell please do not copy or steal my work, any translation can’t be done this is the only way to read it.

[gyusrose]

➵ the five lovers -> ot5

⚠︎ fluff, angst

✎ non-idol! au

summary: being alone now, makes you reflect on how much you took for granted your love life.

ot5 x fem.reader

wc: 1 .5k

“so uh we kiss now?”

Taehyun was probably the one person you knew better than yourself, you spent more time with him than your own parents. growing up together had its advantages, he always had your back no matter what. even when he got ridiculously popular during late middle school-early freshman year, he never forgot about you, how could you not fall? you had trouble figuring out if he was flirting or just being friendly, you seriously couldn’t tell. that was until a summer night before sophomore year..

“i really like you, a lot, not as a friend but you know?”

you almost screamed at that moment, thankful to know that it wasn’t one-sided.

unfortunately as the weeks and months went on, you noticed how much you didn’t act like a couple. yes surely you’ve kissed, but nothing more than a peck and would only hold hands occasionally. nothing changed from your friendship to your ‘romantic relationship’ just the title.

Taehyun noticed as well, that’s when during January he decided to have a talk with you regarding what y’all really where. you both decided to stay off as friends instead since it clearly wasn’t meant to be more than that. you hold nothing but brotherly love towards him still. you were sure of that when you saw him get a girlfriend and felt nothing but happiness for him and so did he when you did.

“you’ve never done this before?”

Yeonjun was a heck of an experience. he was the school’s basketball captain which also meant he had girls at his feet, swooning over him, yet he saw you. it wasn’t out of nowhere of course. over the summer you definitely grew into your face a bit and had a puberty bloom so going into junior year, you were pretty popular as well. destiny put the two of you in the same physics class and it started from there. he sat next to you and somehow always made a conversation with you, it escalated week by week, next thing you know he’s asking you out on a date. obviously you say yes.

he was your first REAL relationship. he made experience everything (if you know what i mean) although you’ve been worried about losing your virginity and feeling ashamed of it, Yeonjun made it as special as it could’ve been. y’all dated for the whole year. since he was a year older than you, he graduated high school. the two of you really wanted to keep dating ‘long distance’ but we all know how that’s pretty much a slow breakup. it didn’t help the fact that he went so far away. he was also surrounded by college girls, even if he denied it, you knew there was definitely a couple of kisses stolen from his friend’s instagram stories. it didn’t take much for the both of you to end it keeping in ‘good terms’.

“you sure you hate me?“

Beomgyu was the last person you’d taught you’d even think about dating. after taking a year to focus on yourself, the moment you got to college you were met with a crazy long-haired boy, bumping into you. he didn’t even say sorry or anything which was already enough to dislike him.

later you found out he was in a rock band, how ‘surprising’. you found this out when your roommate invited you to go with her to one of their gigs since her boyfriend was the lead singer she had extra tickets. you, not knowing he would be there, agreed since you needed to have some fun. your excitement was drained when you saw him playing the electric guitar and he was good, which made you more annoyed.

your roommate invited you to parties and he was always there, he noticed you the first time, after noticing your coldness, he kept bugging you day after day, trying to make you laugh once. the way he pushed your buttons made it almost impossible to not answer back. it became a love-hate friendship in a way? more hate than love. you clearly don’t despise him but you don’t like him at the same time. it wasn’t until during an argument, to shut you up, he smashed his lips into yours and you didn’t hate it? needless to say you both started dating shortly after.

unfortunately you can never enjoy things too much since he got signed with a company and decided to focus on his career and dropping out of university, in no way were you going to try long distance again so the only choice was to break up. you listen to his band’s music from time to time when you’re sad.

“my sister has good taste in friends”

HueningKai was perfect for you. one summer during junior year of college, your roommate , Lea, invited you to a vacation with her family, since you weren’t doing anything during the summer so why not? that’s where you met him. Lea’s younger brother wasn’t…bad looking. you didn’t start immediately dating, in fact y’all started off as friends, very good friends. both of you had a lot in common, some things you never seen someone also like. after the vacation you hung out at their home most of the time.

the both of you didn’t feel any romantic feelings until that one night. it was his 20th birthday and you two somehow ended up ‘accidentally kissing’. you guess you were just really excited for him and ended up kissing him. from there it kind of became awkward. you didn’t know if you should bring it up or just forget about it and pretend it didn’t happen. eventually he brought it up which ended up in a confession. you hesitantly accepted , you liked him but not to such point.

you loved him. yes you did. being with him for two years, making it your longest relationship, he made you love him, so much. he had this other part of him, the crazy one, which you adapted to love. he was like beomgyu but way softer.

this can’t be a happy ending right ? of course not. you got a job opportunity outside of the city and you would be dumb to not take it. once again you went through another break up. we decided to stay as friends and hang out form time to time, meaning once a year.

“i really like you”

Soobin was the love of your life. after three years of being single, you were craving love, wanting someone to be with and just love you, yeah you had your friends but it wasn’t the same. your best friend and coworker noticed this and decided to have a night out and go to the club, you didn’t budge and agreed since you actually needed it, at least to get laid.

you met this jaw dropping handsome guy, which didn’t seems like a club type of person since he looked really reserved wi to himself so for the first time, you started the conversation, thankfully he wasn’t creeped out or anything and continued ending up in exchanging phone numbers. soon you found out who he was, the son of one of the richest man in the country. you were surprised since Soobin was very humble and down-to-earth. you didn’t treat him differently though, knowing he’d probably hate that.

y’all started to go out to different places except his house since he mentioned how his dad was. after a couple of months he asked you out which you obviously said yes to, unknown to his dad but unfortunately he eventually found out and was against it since you weren’t “high class” . Soobin rebelled against this and still found a way to meet up with you one way or another. until one night.

he came with his head down dried tears down his cheeks. you were very confused, his next words explained everything though.

his dad had arranged a marriage with another woman.

your heart crumbled. his dad was too powerful to say no to you understood, but you still spent the next few days sobbing into your pillow. the marriage happened way too soon as well, it was all over the news, now making it impossible to watch television.

you can never have a happily ever after can’t you?

[so-much-for-stardust6]

Breakup- Ryan Dunn

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summary: you go through a breakup with your boyfriend and you call your best friend, ryan, to comfort you.

lowercase intended

warnings: arguing & not proof read

a/n: another post here because my minds being flooded with ideas

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i forced myself out of bed, throwing on whatever semi clean clothes i could find. i wished i could lay in bed all day but if i missed out on a stunt the guys (especially ryan) would come knocking on my door. i was in a terrible mood, exhausted and upset from an argument i had with my boyfriend last night. he left and never returned back to the note room, the worst scenarios filling my mind. i look into the mirror and practice smiling before grabbing what i need and leaving the room. i get into this little rental car my boyfriend insisted we get and drove to the place where the stunt is taking place. once i got there and parked, i sat still for a minute and took deep breaths. ryan is my best friend, knowing him since high school and i knew he would instantly tell if i was upset. i don’t know why but i hated talking to him about my relationship, feeling awkward doing so. i gave myself one last smile into my side mirror and got out, the cold hair hitting my face. i walked inside and greeted everyone, jeff sitting in his stupid director’s chair watching as johnny got ready for his stunt, alligator nipple bite. we were also there for steve-o’s stunt, alligator tightrope.

“look who finally decides to show up!” jeff shouts out, bringing everyone’s attention to us.

“hey sleepyhead! you okay?” ryan greeted me, a suspicious look in his eye.

“yeah, i’m fine. i’m just sleepy.” i fake yawn to sell my lie.

he nods, giving me one last side eye but looking back at johnny. he leads us towards everyone else, huddled to the side as they prepare to watch. johnny suddenly screams as a baby alligator bites onto his nipple, camera shoved right up to it. i wince in pain, imagining how much it must hurt.

“are you sure you’re okay? is this about him?” ryan whispers to me, referring to my boyfriend.

i look at him, the fakest smile on my face. he knew that my boyfriend and i weren’t doing good, always arguing and nagging one another.

“i’m fine, ry.” i place my hand on his face.

i rub my thumb on his cheek and he leans into it. in our friendship we do physical touch, nothing too intimate but ryan is that type of guy.

“okay, sorry.” he smiles.

i pull my hand away and shove it inside my hoodie pocket, watching as steve-o walks over to the rope. he cusses as he introduces himself to the camera. he steps up and onto the rope, shaking as he begins to walks. suddenly my phone began to ring, muttering an excuse me as i walk off set. i take it out and see it was my boyfriend, heart racing.

“hey.” i softly say.

“where are you?”

“on set, we’re doing a stunt.”

“come back to the hotel, we need to talk.” his tone serious.

“uhm- okay, i’m leaving now.” i hang up and head back to jeff.

“hey i gotta go.” i whispered.

“everything alright?”

“yeah, something just came up.”

he allows me to leave and i quickly do, not noticing ryan’s eyes on me. i drove quickly back to the hotel, nervousness running through my veins. i did a shitty job parking as i run out and back up to my room. i click the key onto the door and open it to see my boyfriend sitting at the desk. he looked distressed, a certain look on his face.

“hey, w-what’s going on?” i chuckle.

“i cheated on you.”

his words hit me like a truck, my knees buckling.

“you what?” tears pricked my eyes as i slowly sat down on the edge of the bed.

“i went out last night to the bar and met someone. i drank too much and woke up with her.” his hands shook as i stared at him in disbelief.

“are you fucking serious?” i went from sadness to anger in a second, my blood boiling.

“after all these years, you get drunk after an argument and fucking sleep with someone else?”

“yeah..”

“i should’ve known. we weren’t doing good, and i knew this was gonna end soon.” i laugh as tears fell down my face.

“you fucking think i did this on purpose?” he stood up from his chair.

“maybe! i mean fuck, i see the way you’ve looked at other women! and you know what, you haven’t even apologized for cheating! so that really fucking shows.” i yell, standing up as well.

“well maybe if you weren’t hanging out with guys all the fucking time then maybe i wouldn’t sleep with other women!”

“so you’re fucking blaming me now?! it’s my fucking job! the reason why we have nice things! i take you around the world with me and you fucking do this?! get the fuck out of here.”

“what?”

“you fucking heard me. pack your shit up and get out. we’re done.” i run a hand through my hair.

“baby, please..” he switches up.

“don’t call me that. get out.” i spat, giving him the craziest death glare.

he opens his mouth to talk but decides against it. i watch as he packs up, shoving his clothes into his bags. i pulled out my phone and called a taxi cab for him, not wanting to give him the car.

“can i have the keys?”

“no, i called you a cab. go outside and wait.”

“but-“

“go.”

he sighs before walking out, leaving my life forever. i stare at the wall before breaking down sobbing. i fell to the floor as i sobbed, hyperventilating. i wanted to punch something so bad, release my anger but i was in no stable condition to drive. i shakily pulled out my phone and called ryan. it rang for a bit before he answered, hearing everyone in the back shouting.

“hey, what’s up?” he chuckled.

“ryan…” i sobbed out.

“hey hey, breathe okay? i’ll be there as fast as i can.” and with that he hung up.

i mentally thanked the world for giving me a best friend like ryan, he’s the one person i go to for anything. i curled into a ball and cried on the floor, waiting for ryan. after losing the energy to cry, i just laid there staring at the wall. i heard footsteps rapidly approach my door followed by the click of the lock. i gave ryan a key to my room just in case anything happened, and i’m so glad i did. he swung the door open, eyes immediately landing on me. his face fell as he saw the state i was in, shutting the door before kneeling next to me.

“hey..look at me.” he softly said, using a hand to pet my hair.

i looked up at him with bloodshot eyes, a single tear falling down. he helped me pull my head up and place it on his lap.

“i’m here for you, no matter what.”

“i know…” my voice hoarse.

“what happened?” he asked, playing with my hair.

he knew it was something that soothes me.

“he cheated on me..” i began sobbing again.

“motherfucker.” he mumbled.

“shh, it’s okay. fuck him anyways, he was such a dick to you. i don’t even know why you were with a guy like him.”

i looked up to him and opened my mouth to speak but saw his wounded hand.

“ryan? what happened?” i gasped out, sitting up.

his knuckles were red and bloody, the blood dried up.

“i saw him on my way in.” he shrugged.

“but you didn’t even know what he did.”

“i didn’t have to. if you call me crying to the point where you can’t speak, he must’ve fucked up real bad.”

“thanks, ry.” i smile.

“anything for you, y/n/n.” he tucks a piece of stray hair behind my ear.

i grab his hurt hand and brought his knuckles up to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to them. it’s always something we’ve done, saying how my kisses make his wounds feel better. he smiles brightly at my action and brings me into a hug.

“want me to order some food? jeff told me to take the day off.”

“please..” i pull away, wiping stray tears.

he nods, getting up before helping me up. i watch as he grabs the hotel room phone, dialing a takeout spot as he laid on the bed. i watch him as he spoke, smile widening as i realize how lucky i am to have ryan in my life.

[letters-from-dekarios]

the tortured poets department (gale’s version)

tracks one through five

summary: an analyzation of TTPD with comparisons to gale dekarios’ story and life. some generalized things are part of the version of gale i’ve made in my mind that makes sense for his character to me.

or: me rambling about the TTPD songs and how each lyric relates to gale dekarios.

word count: 3.8k

tags: taylor swift is mothering with this new album, gale dekarios, i am mystra’s hateclub ceo, most of these songs are about their breakup sorry if i reiterate things a million times, MENTIONS OF S/H & SUICIDE. DO NOT READ IF THESE THINGS TRIGGER YOU.

author’s note: this multi-part series is going to be written in a much more casual style than my traditional fanfics. if you notice me rambling or screaming for like three sentences straight, don't be alarmed, I did spell check everything!

First and foremost, I absolutely LOVE this album. Artistically and lyrically, this is one of Taylor’s most sophisticated albums. It’s a story not really about boys or love or anything (not in the same way that other albums/songs have been, at least. take ‘love story’ or ‘enchanted’ for example), but instead is about her. Yes, her songs have technically always been about her. But this album has such a different ring to it. It’s about her and her feelings and about telling her story to the world, no matter if it makes people upset. This album is so unapologetically Taylor Swift that it is simply just… beautiful. I love this album SO much.

Now… let’s get into it!

fortnight;

I see this song both from the perspective of Gale and that of Mystra thinking of Gale.

“I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic”

makes me think of Gale hiding in his tower for a whole Year after receiving the orb. He and Mystra’s relationship wasn’t the longest either had ever had, but the breaking it off still hurt more than anything he’d ever experienced.

“All of this to say I hope you're okay/But you're the reason/And no one here's to blame/But what about your quiet treason?”

THIS IS SO. Gale knows that he’s, he was at fault for some of it too. But her treason against him (leaving him to die) goes overlooked by SO many. Even Gale overlooks her misdemeanors because he feels like he is ALSO at fault, and STILL wishes her the best despite it all.

“And for a fortnight there, we were forever/Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather/Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors/Your wife waters flowers, I wanna kill her”

Metaphorically, they were together for a “fortnight”. They weren’t together for a Long time romantically, so their relationship wasn’t a long one. But now every time he uses the Weave or connects with her it’s like everything has changed and he has to play nice for fear of losing whatever friendship they had. And I’m sure some part of Gale is angry at Elminster for still being her Chosen and still having her affection (‘your wife waters flowers’).

“All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February/I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary”

Even though February is the shortest month, I personally interpret the analogy like ‘this was short, but it feels longer’ and with ‘all my mornings are Mondays’ it’s like starting over time and time again but always ending up at the start. With Gale, even though their time together was futile, he’s still stuck on it. No matter how hard he tries, the effects of Mystra’s romantic loss on him is Hard. His mind always wraps back around to it.

“I love you, it’s ruining my life”

Gale still talked about Mystra and was willing to give up his life for her. He would’ve done Anything for her.

“Thought of calling you, but you won’t pick up”

Gale still tries to reach out to her even though he Knows she won’t listen to him. Even though he Knows she wants nothing to do with him right now, he still tries to reach her.

“Move to Florida, buy the car you want/buy it won’t start till I touch, touch, touch you”

He can move on and try to escape it all but no matter what he does, Mystra is Always There. She always will be. Because without her and her power, he has nothing. And it messes with him Terribly.

the tortured poets department;

“You’re in self-sabatoge mode, throwing spikes down on the road”

Mystra KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. How could she not?? How could she not know the magic he was using and not see what he was trying to do for her? He was destroying their relationship long before the tome and she had the Audacity to not say anything about it.

However, on Gale’s end, “But I've seen this episode and still loved the show”

LITERALLY KARSUS’ FOLLY. Gale was so aware of what Karsus had done and knew of his mistakes and sought to not be like him… yet he did something similar because he thought that the rest of the ‘show’ or relationship in this case could be different and wouldn’t affect the rest of it.

BUT, then, “And who's gonna hold you like me?/And who's gonna know you, if not me?”

Mystra knows he can try to move on, but she will always be there at the forefront of his mind. He can attempt to escape, but she is Always There.

“"You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith/This ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we'rе modern idiots"”

I take this lyric as something Mystra says in a way to Gale. Kind of how she tells him to “be contented” (yes I reference this line a lot). Mystra tries to tell him that their love is not the grandest and not legendary. It is going to end. While she doesn’t refer to herself as an idiot, I feel the line can be taken as she sees the love itself as idiotic. She’s had so many lovers that this with Gale is just.. pointless, in a sense? She never had any intention of furthering his magic any more than it had been, so his idea with her is stupid.

“But you awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head/But I’ve read this one before, where you come undone”

She’s had So Many Chosen and even had someone try and literally usurp her power before. She knew what she was doing with him, even if Gale had no clue what was going to happen.

“Sometimes, I wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me/But you told Lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave/And I had said that to Jack about you, so I felt seen/Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be”

GALE IS INSECURE. MYSTRA TELLS HIM TO BE CONTENT AND HE TRIES TO!!!! He really Really tries to but cannot bring himself to. People who still just see him as her Chosen find little to no issue because they think he’s this great, grand, all-powerful wizard so it makes Sense.

“At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger/And put it on the one people put wedding rings on/And that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding”

MYSTRA. She tells him to be contented even when he’s begging for more and wants to know her more intimately and instead of squashing the idea he had of becoming something greater with her, she just lets him SIT WITH THE IDEA. KNOWING FULL WELL WHAT HE WOULD'VE DONE AND WHAT HE WANTED TO DO. This song is so Mystra saying that Gale will never find anything greater than her and Gale’s heartbreak and realization over that fact.

my boy only breaks his favorite toys;

“Oh, here we go again/The voices in his head/Called the rain to end our days of wild”

I take this as Mystra seeing Gale and knowing that she was going to start something with him. After all, she had to know of his magic usage even as a small child up until she was back and fully alive again. In my headcanons/ideas she was appearing to him perhaps not with full strength but still showing herself even when he was 16/17. She also would’ve known the ideas in his head of growing more powerful and trying to love her with every part of himself.

“The sickest army doll/Purchased at the mall/Rivulets descend my plastic smile”

Mystra chose him much like one chooses a doll they purchase. She used him and abused him, and forced him to carry his fake plastic smile even when he had tears streaming down his face when she left him.

“But you should’ve seen him when he first got me”

GALES UTTER HAPPINESS OVER BEING CHOSEN BY MYSTRA? He had been practicing since he was a child. Mystra was his absolute everything!!

“My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh/I'm queen of sand castles he destroys, oh, oh”

AHHH. No matter how hard Gale could’ve and was trying, he crumbled the relationship in his hands. He didn’t mean to, but it happened regardless. Also, ‘queen of sandcastles he destroys’ THINKING that he was standing on stable ground with Mystra, before realizing that it was easy to ruin and never stable to begin with. At the same time, though, Mystra thinking that she had Gale exactly where she wanted him and then realizing that he was going down a path she wouldn’t support. But instead of helping him rebuild she just let him sit with his destruction.

“There was a litany of reasons why/We could've playеd for keeps this time”

both with Mystra and Gale, either of them could’ve fought to maintain the relationship. But Gale was the only one who actually… did.

“I know I'm just repeating mysеlf/Put me back on my shelf/But first, pull the string/And I'll tell you that he runs/Because he loves me (He loves me)”

Gale constantly says the same thing over and over about Mystra and their relationship. He has hope! But he knows she’s going to ‘put [him] back on [her] shelf’ and no longer play with him. She/Tav pulls his string (like Woody/Jessie, pulling their string makes them say their pre-recorded phrases) and he just repeats the idea that he can gain her forgiveness again and that she can love him again. I also relate the ‘repeating myself’ and ‘pull the string’ to one another, too. No matter how many times you pull the string, the doll just repeats the same phrases over and over again. In this case, we know Gale can and does change his tune if you let him, but if he doesn’t and he explodes he keeps the same exact idea for the rest of the game.

“Once I fix me/He's gonna miss me”

crying because Gale consistently thinks that if he does everything Mystra asks that she will forgive him and things can go back to how they were.

“Just say when, I'd play again/He was my best friend down at the sandlot/I felt more when we played pretend/Than with all the Kens/'Cause he took me out of my box”

In a heartbeat, Gale would go back to Mystra and return to their dysfunction. Their relationship was like ‘playing pretend’ and when brought back to reality it was much harsher. He felt more because it was so unrealistic and not expected to last, much like how when you made up stories playing pretend, you would start new ones over and over again. She ‘took [him] out of [his] box’ only to ‘put [him] back on [his] shelf’ but the idea that he was wanted was what made it worth it.

“Stole my tortured heart/Left all these broken parts/Told me I'm better off/But I'm not/I'm not, I'm not”

this is a prevalent theme in all of the album, being ‘stolen’ or ‘taken’ and then being ‘broken’ or ruined, before being casted aside for the idea of being ‘better off’. Gale thinks he’s not better off and would prefer being taken and toyed with, but in reality it’s more beneficial to him. It’s the process of it that hurts.

down bad;

I cannot even begin to comprehend this one. In Taylor’s explanation of this song she states that the metaphor for love-bombing is of an alien taking someone and showing them the galaxy and then sending them home when they really liked it there. And that is just. UGH.

“Did you really beam me up/In a cloud of sparkling dust/Just to do experiments on?/Tell me I was the chosen one/Showed me that this world is bigger than us/Then sent me back where I came from”

THIS. “Tell me i was the chosen one” She did!!! She literally picked Gale as her chosen and then told him to “be contented” as if he wouldn’t be striving for more. She gave him a small slice of godhood and expected him to not want more?

“Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym/Everything comes out teenage petulance/"Fuck it if I can't have him"/"I might just die, it would make no difference"”

Gale locked himself in his tower for a whole Year, nearly dying because he was so depressed over everything. Yes, he also nearly died because of the orb, BUT he mostly locked himself away because of his mourning the relationship.

“Down bad, wakin' up in blood/Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up/Fuck it if I can't have us/I might just not get up, I might stay”

Had Tara not been there, I do not think Gale would’ve lived. 100% he would’ve died after that first year because he refused to get out of bed. He just wanted Mystra and to have the Weave and without that he was willing to die.

“Did you take all my old clothes/Just to leave me here, naked and alone/In a field in my same old town/That somehow seems so hollow now?/They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about/The existence of you”

THIS??? She took away his abilities (his old self) and left him with, essentially, nothing. And then expected him to just be in Waterdeep and be fine? And then when he’s abducted, if you don’t romance him and/or have him explode for you, he LITERALLY gets called crazy for talking about Mystra. Literally. I’m 90% sure you can tell him to shut up when he tells you the truth about the orb.

“I loved your hostile takeovers/Encounters closer and closer/All your indecent exposures/How dare you say that it's—“

AUGH. Whenever Gale talks about Mystra and how she appeared to him, no matter how much she’s hurt him, he still loves her? He still reminisces on those moments with love and adoration for her despite all the pain that came with it. Everything they did he loved, and her tossing him aside Hurt. Also the sadness in her voice as she says “how dare you say it’s—“ because she ALMOST says ‘over’ but it’s choked back because if she says it she’ll start crying. The same with Gale. He knows in his heart that it’s over but this part of him can’t handle the fact that it is and that Mystra would end it like that.

“I'll build you a fort on some planet/Where they can all understand it/How dare you think it's romantic/Leaving me safe and stranded/'Cause fuck it, I was in love/So fuck you if I can't have us/'Cause fuck it, I was in love”

Gale was SO ready to explore more with Mystra and have her in her entirety. Was it a bit selfish trying to be a god to do that? Yes. BUT she literally left him completely alone after having the orb!! He wanted so much with her and wanted to be able to expand his abilities to match her and instead she tossed him aside like she was “helping” him but really she was destroying him. He was so in love with her (and, yes, the weave too) that he would’ve done everything. Then as the game goes on you can see his progression to understanding how she hurt him and how he’s allowed to be angry about it.

so long, london;

this is one of my FAVORITE songs on this album. the intro is so beautiful and so haunting. this song also makes me SO sad.

“I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist/I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/Pulled him in tighter each time he was driftin' away”

UGH OKAY. Metaphorically, the fairy lights were like that light at the end of the tunnel. But the mist blocks them out, making it hard to tell if there really is this fantasy-like future ahead or if it’s your mind playing tricks on you. With Gale, he wanted so desperately to have a happy ending. And yes, he does eventually get it depending on how you play, but when it comes to Mystra and everything, he really… doesn’t? He tries so hard to carry the ‘rift’ or the breaking of their foundation. Every time Mystra pulls away from him, he tries to pull her close and hold onto that fantasy he thinks he’s going to have.

“My spine split from carrying us up the hill/Wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill/I stopped tryna make him laugh, stopped tryna drill the safe”

CARRYING US UP THE HILL? SISYPHUS (‘thanK you aIMee’ also has a similar lyric that makes me think of sisyphus as well but that will be saved for that song). Punished to forever push that stone up the hill with no end, never being free from the weight. Not only is she trying to push and carry this weight up, she also is soaked and her bones are tired. She has so much on her own plate that trying to keep up this relationship and keep it going is only making everything else worse. In the same sense, Gale kept trying to keep this dying relationship going. Rather than it being easy, everything just kept piling on top of one another and pulling him down more and more. Eventually, he let’s go of it and stops trying to win her over. He stops trying to ‘drill the safe’, or, stops trying to get something that was never his to begin with. Something that is locked away for a reason.

“Thinkin', "How much sad did you think I had/Did you think I had in me?"/Oh, the tragedy/So long, London/You'll find someone”

MYSTRA THINKING HE COULD HANDLE IT ALL? And then just leaving him. Leaving him to deal with it all on his own. The ‘so long, London’ to me is both Gale saying goodbye to the Weave AND Waterdeep. Obviously he returns to Waterdeep (if he doesn’t explode) but it’s not the same as how he went in. He’s much different when he returns. Also, he knows Mystra will find someone else. He has no worries about that. In the same sense, Mystra knows Gale will find someone else too. Even if he’s still holding onto parts of her.

“I didn't opt in to be your odd man out/I founded the club she's heard great things about/I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath”

Gale went into it thinking he would have her forever. At least, his concept of forever. He didn’t want Mystra or the Weave if it meant that, one day, he might be closed out from it all. He left everything behind for her, and yet she left him behind in his tower to rot.

“I stopped CPR, after all, it's no use/The spirit was gone, we would never come to”

He tried so, so incredibly hard to bring the relationship back to life. But, eventually, he had to give up and realize that help wasn’t coming, it was long gone, and he had to let go. “And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free” THIS LYRIC ALONE. And the way Taylor says ‘free’ with the shake in her voice… This is. I feel like, deep down, Gale is genuinely hurt and angry with Mystra for all she did. And not just her, Elminster, too. If someone would’ve realized what was going on, he could’ve been saved. But, instead, he dedicated all his youth, his time, his energy, all to her. All to the Weave. Only for it to mean nothing in the end.

“And you say I abandoned the ship/But I was going down with it/My white-knuckle dying grip/Holding tight to your quiet resentment”

THIS?? Mystra saying that Gale was trying to usurp her authority or take over her magic when in reality all he wanted was to love her? Her accusing him of essentially trying to kill her when really he just wanted to be closer to her. He literally was willing to do anything for her, even after she hurt him he was willing to die for her. He tried holding on so so hard, that ‘white knuckle dying grip’ showing how tightly he was gripping onto this relationship. For better or for worse he was willing to drown if it meant he still had a piece of that relationship.

“And my friends said it isn't right to be scared/Every day of a love affair/Every breath feels like rarest air/When you're not sure if he wants to be there”

UGGHHHHH. Tav telling Gale pretty much that he doesn’t have to do this? He doesn’t have to hold onto Mystra and follow her every beck and call and he has to realize that. Every day Mystra finds someone else or focuses her attention on another Chosen, he’s so scared he’s going to lose her forever. Every moment she doesn’t speak to him or ignores him, he fears he’s going to have everything taken away from him. UGHHH.

“You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?/I died on the altar waitin' for the proof/You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”

THIS. LYRIC. TOO. Mystra promised him that she loved him, that she was essentially as devoted to him, but every moment Gale spent waiting for her to prove that, to show the same amount of love that he held for her, she failed him. She left him at the altar alone with all his hopes and dreams. She sacrificed him, or wanted him to sacrifice himself, really, for her. So she could keep going and not have to deal with him anymore.

“And I'm just getting color back into my face/I'm just mad as hell 'cause I loved this place for”

GALE FINALLY BEING ABLE TO BE HIMSELF AGAIN!! When he realizes he can trust Tav and doesn’t need to hide these parts of himself.. and then he tells them his secrets and he apologizes for keeping them but he was so wounded from his last relationship that he doesn’t know what to do. Then he gets color back into his face and he’s finally able to heal from it all. And he’s so mad because he loved the Weave and he loved being so talented with it but it’s all in the past and it’s all lost to him now. Even though he still has it but.. you get the picture. UGHH THIS SONG. THIS SONG!!

If you made it this far, thank you for sticking along! My mind works in weird ways when it comes to analyzing/reviewing lyrics. I tend to take things very literally so some of my interpretations are viewed that way!

Either way, I hope you enjoyed. Be on the lookout for tracks six through ten next!

[bonefall]

Ashfur: "Wait, you're leaving me for Brambleclaw...who you've been fighting with since before we arrived at the lakes and is being haunted by his dead demon dad...and you think nothing is going to go wrong with that plan?"

Squirrelflight: "Brambleclaw is a good cat, you don't know what he's gone through."

Ashfur: *blinks.* "Two weeks ago he woke up the entire warriors den screaming about Tigerstar and Hawkfrost and the Dark Forest. Cinderpelt has literally said darkness is surrounding him at all sides. I get you don't want to be with me, but girl, he is literally a walking red flag right now...well, actually now that I think about it, He's always been a walking red flag. Whatever. You do you." *walks away, calling for Birchpaw.*

Squirrelflight: "Did you hear him, Leafpaw?!? He blames Brambleclaw for things he can't help. It's not Brambleclaw's fault that Tigerstar is his dad."

Leafpaw: "....." =/

Ack, I dunno if I'd want to portray Petty Ashfur as being so much smarter than everyone else, or make Brambleclaw being so obviously bad that Squirrelflight looks blind to reality. Both of those options don't seem... great

Petty Ashfur's not about turning Ash into someone who's a perfect guy with all my opinions as a writer, it's about exploring the idea of him just being a petty asshole capable of growth.

I see Petty Ashfur still handling the breakup EXTREMELY personally, taking it out on Squilf in a very hurt and passive aggressive way, ruining their friendship because of it... at a time when she's going to need him most. Abuse is extremely isolating and a good friend is the best thing a person can have, but in his catty pity party he leaves her utterly alone

He really turns around at the Fire Scene, when he doubles back towards the blaze to save them, only to get attacked by Thornclaw attempting to kill the Three out of fear of the prophecy. After that, with the secret being revealed at the Gathering... it's sad.

Maybe not for NOBLE reasons, mind you, but Leafpool's his gossip rival and now teasing her is like kicking her while she's down. He haaaates Squilf for breaking up with him, but he's got a secret polycule now and the way the clans turned on her is... it's not what he saw in his fantasies. There's no joy in this. It makes him feel bad.

But in this AU, Petty Ashfur DOES seem to be a smart cookie... maybe in this version, he could work with Hawkfrost because his ulterior motive is exposing Brambleclaw? I could even toss in one of my favorite AU concepts and have Hawkfrost survive this? Hawkstar could be fun!

[mnovenia]

AUGUST 2024 - SUMMER TIME, they said…

What a journey.. I’ve been neglecting on writing these days.. but my inspiration Ko Ruby inspires me to do it again.. also all knots inside my head need to be processed~

Where shalll I start hmm.. maybe from the months I fear the most (JUNE) because it has caused a deep cut of sadness that I haven’t experienced these past years. Preparing the hardest goodbye, trying to accept and let things go and surrender my plan to God, there are thousands of lessons I gain that I believe will be useful for the future..

Come to think of how I prepared Andrew’s farewell, from showing up in his marathon, juggling with Solideo, work, teaching, handling my emotions apparently not easy. I have to be excited for him, sad and feel his burden of leaving things he’s been get used to these past months, think about how’d I feel when he leaves, but I have to pretend all those and stand tall like it’s easy. PHEW, God knows how much I endured, why I sacrificed that much, and the only reason is the deep love I have for another human being. Some might think there’s nothing wrong with it, but if I think again? I was being too much at some point too. I expected he will appreciate and open his eyes, but he is also just a human being, insensitive, has different way of accepting it, cannot communicate how he actually appreciate all that, and misunderstandings that cause heartbreak and makes me feel unappreciated. That’s sad of course, and I learn that I shall not do it again in the future, especially without any commitment in the beginning, because it’s the pitfall of it all..

I learn about how far I can grow love to someone but I also learn that I should put boundaries not for another reason but for the sake of protecting me, my future and the God-sent Mr Right that will come later..

Anyway, ngapain aja ya.. selain marathon, siapin farewel2 dia, bikin scrapbook, arrange last trip bahkan ke kintamani, bantuin dia pindahan, beli oleh2, buat video, beli buffet di Mulia, siap2 ngomong last time, arrange group farewell sama solideo, tuker uang yg yen, fotoshoot dsbnya.. TIME, ENERGY, MONEY, A LOT EMOTION.. Was it all worth it? I hope so. Even though no words from him that he appreciate all that, was it hurt? Of course.. Andrew has caused one of the deepest heartbreaks I had since my Dad passed away.. however I know I can’t blame anyone on this but myself, I caused 70% of it because of my own expectation, my wishful hope that he will realize and appreciate later.. but Marshella, without you saying a word of clarity, who will understand what’s in your heart and head? So who is it to blame? There noone else but me…

After he’s gone, my expectation also didn’t stop there.. i’m waiting for his phonecall, texts, many church projects that still involve him, just for the sake that this imaginary relationship can continue.. we both might enjoy the connection and fun we have when talking to each other, but without clarity and commitment, it’s Marshella who is suffering.. another question, where is God in the midst of it all? Good question..

1. Have you been involving God since the beginning? Are you listening carefully or you live out your own plan & imagination?

2. Have you been listening to all your friends who screamed: STOP IT MARSHELLA, ASK HIM FOR CLARITY, PUT BOUNDARIES? I guess I was just enjoying the whatever undefined relationship we had in the past year. It was fun for a short time, but YOU ARE SUFFERING MARSHELLA, no matter how good the guy is, you know you’re wrong too for not talking it out with him.. so next time, SPEAK UP could you please?

3. Was all the heartbreak, silenced, uncontinued friendship & common ministy worth the sacrifice?

4. What should I do next?

It’s been a month since I went to Korea. Everyday I tried hard to wake up and keep my head up straight without feeling the pain of rejection and imagining how Gwanghui is suffering on the other side of the world. It hurts so much, it feels like a bad breakup, a waste of time, a loss of best friend whom I can talk to and cheer my day up, keep me going on my ministry, practicing my Korean, etc..

God, if I can be honest and not to push my feelings, if I can express how much I still have deep love that I want to share with Gwuang Hui, I’d love to hope that there is still hope for it.. But this time, the feeling is mixed with everything.. now my mind can already think clearly, that I don’t want to repeat the dark time I had with him.. the fight, argument, cold treatments, misunderstandings, dark cold days at tenten, words from him, un appreciation that made me suffer to the core.. it wasn’t even a good time that we shared, even though God used it that we clearly expand our tents in Bali church..

I think my eyes and heart are so blinded that I’m hopeless and limiting what God can do, I can’t find a glimpse of hope that I can meet someone else who God really prepares for me, who will treat me better, who deserve my deep love, who loves God too at the same time and willing to join God’s ministry because of His calling, and see me the way God sees me. But the enemy seems blocking that view and stop me to stuck and feel helpless, seeing myself as too old to hope again, too much lacking that men won’t be interested and will look for younger girls, etc. I’m also afraid to find out if GH is with other girl, esp if it’s when I’m still alone. These days I know that GH is not doing alright, he was lost without clear direction, nothing satisfy him, and the worst part is: he’s not only stop ministering to solideo (sending prayer/words) but also not going to Yewon church in Seoul for 3 consecutive weeks, isn’t that crazy? He wasn’t even joining any youth activities that he used to love the most, work wise also not finding open door, and i feel so much pressured/guilt that I caused/contributed the pain that he is having now..

Those are Satan’s intimidation that I should throw away and not believe..

Even he clarified himself to me that it’s not because of me and I should know that God is strong enough to take care of him without my help/involvement, I should always be involved in his life (when he clearly doesn’t want to), I then wonder is it really love or just the enemy who wants to distract me from focusing on the Love of God..

These days I’ve been reflecting again, what God is trying to teach me through this rejection, I heard the it directs to redirection, makes me have courage to start from 0 again, believing what God still has in store, purify me that I will live for God even without worldly reward that I always want, that I will not depend my on the gift of this world, learn to be mature to admit that I may lose because of rejection and I have to admit and accept that with big heart, that not everything will fit to my ‘beautiful’ scenario, I should learn to value myself the way God do even when other people don’t see it, I have to learn to cherish every moment that God provides because it may not last forever, I have to believe, relieve, release things that I want to control/prevent not happen to a bigger hands the only one that capable of taking care of it and take out the ‘burden’ I feel I have to carry on my shoulders because noone’s happiness is depend on me, I learn that no matter how strong one’s faith may look like it will fail at some point and not last as I thought, I learn that through loneliness God will send those He think should be with me on the time being, God taught me to follow His way because He doesn’t me to get hurt even further and me to see His miracle on the way that far better than my definition of ‘LOVE’.. So what should I do next:

1. Focus on following God’s words, doa Kristus every now and then, take time to pray and be in the words, show up everytime I have chance because that’s the time when God is speaking

2. Focus on the people God put around me this time. SOLIDEO, help Bella, value the love from Ci Maurin, Eunjung Onni, Marlene Jie, Nongky, Eunice, Michelle, Shannen, Lina, all the girlfriends God put in my life to focus on Him and feel His love through.. I’ve been neglecting girls time due to thinking on Andrew and look forward to things that is uncertain.. cherish the love I have

3. Discipleship and penginjilan to my brother, colleagues, reachout to other Christians Silvi, Esther, those who stay in Bali, Devi, strengthen the new believers while helping the church to grow and be transformed by the love of God.

4. Pilates, eat & live healthy, explore more hobbies, don’t be stingy to myself, buy what I want, help those in need without earthly calculation

[lusthurts]

glee tag game

I was tagged by @daisyishedwig - thank you!! :)

Favorite Season 1 Episode: is it cheating to say the pilot?? I think it's either that or Journey to Regionals, because I love how it sets up season 2 while also tying up loose ends. Also, there is literally nothing better than Quinn screaming and giving birth while Vocal Adrenaline does that insane choreography to "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Favorite Season 2 Episode: Probably "Blame It on the Alcohol" because that's one of my favorite episodes in the whole show - it's comedy gold despite the fact that the blatant biphobia that's never resolved makes me so angry it almost overshadows the rest of the episode. "Prom Queen," "Rumours," and "New York" are all runner ups though because I think Blaine, Kurt, and Quinn's storylines in "Prom Queen" are fantastic, the music in "Rumours" is unmatched, and New York is my favorite place in the world so it was really fun to see Rachel and Kurt and everyone finally get the chance to go.

Favorite Season 3 Episode: Hard to say, I love a lot of episodes this season. "The First Time" comes to mind because it's one of my favorites of the musical episodes, and it introduces us to Sebastian. The performances + plot lines in "Hold On to Sixteen" are some of my favorites as well, plus we get Sebastian again. I could go on and on listing all my favorite episodes this season, but I think my ultimate favorite is "Nationals" because it's so rewarding to see all the work they've done finally pay off and all the happiness that brings. It feels like a very complete way to end the season, and nothing makes me feel as good as that episode.

Favorite Season 4 Episode: You may be sensing a theme (Sebastian is that theme lol) but I think "Dynamic Duets" is one of my favorites. It's very ridiculous and goofy while also dealing with the pretty serious storyline of Blaine getting over the breakup and learning to forgive himself, plus it's really what solidifies the Blam friendship which is one of my favorites. I also love "Guilty Pleasures," also because of Blam and Blaine's storylines + "Against All Odds" is one of my all time favorite Blaine songs. I'm also a big fan of "Thanksgiving" because it's so fun to see Quinn again and to get the whole group back together. But yeah, think I'm gonna go with "Dynamic Duets."

Favorite Season 5 Episode: "Movin' Out" comes to mind because A) I love Billy Joel, B) more Blam content, and C) the New York vibes are so fun. But I also love the Blamtina content in "Trio" and the Finn tribute in "City of Angels." This is probably my least favorite season overall, but I do enjoy some of the McKinley episodes before the New York transition happens, even if there are some small things I like at the end (like Rachel getting her dream role in "Funny Girl," the comedy in "Tested," the Blam content in "New New York," etc.)

Favorite Season 6 Episode: again, hard to say, but this time it's because I genuinely don't enjoy most of the plot lines this season. I kinda like "The Hurt Locker" mostly because the Klaine hurt locker is one of the funniest storylines in the entire show, and I'm a Samchel apologist (please nobody come for me). I kinda like "Jagged Little Tapestry" because of the music and "Homecoming" because of all the OGs that come back, but I'm not sure passionate about any of these takes.

Episode that make me cry: "The Quarterback" is an obvious one, but I cry every time I rewatch it (which I only do willingly when I'm doing a complete rewatch). I also cry during "Funeral" and "The Breakup," and I remember I used to sob during "Goodbye" as well.

Episode that make me laugh: basically all of the first half of season 1, the funny bits of "Grilled Cheesus," pretty much all of "Blame It on the Alcohol" except the biphobia, the "Hurt Locker" episodes in season 6, and like honestly most of the show lol

Favorite tribute episode: "Rumours" is one of my favorites because I LOVE Fleetwood Mac. It's not necessarily my favorite for plot, but the music is fantastic. I also like "Michael" because of the Sebastian content, but I'm not the biggest MJ fan. I also want to shoutout "Dance With Somebody" and "Saturday Night Glee-ver" because I really enjoy most of the storylines and music in both episodes.

Favorite Christmas episode: gotta go with "Extraordinary Merry Christmas" because I think it has my favorite Christmas music and I like the silly little TV special.

Episode with the best songs: I seriously cannot pick. There are so many good ones. Again, inclined to say "Rumours" because it's my personal favorite type of music, but I also love the music in the show as a whole so I honestly can't even think other than that. I will say "Cough Syrup" is one of my all time favorite songs even before I saw it on Glee, so "On My Way" gets an honorable mention just for that.

Favorite sectionals episode: "Hold Onto Sixteen" for sure - love the Sebastian content, love the Jackson medley (I know I just said I'm not a huge MJ fan but something about this performance does it for me)

Favorite regionals episode: I think I'm gonna go with "On My Way," although "Journey to Regionals" is a close second. "On My Way" features "Cough Syrup," "Glad You Came," and "Here's To Us" which are all some of my favorite Glee songs plus I enjoyed Sebastian's arc in that episode as well as the Karofsky storyline which I think was done pretty well.

Favorite nationals episode: definitely "Nationals" - I love the setlist, and it feels very rewarding to see the payoff of everything from the first three seasons. I enjoy Rachel's arc and it feels like a nice end to the high school Finn that we've gotten to know (setting him up decent for the last episode and the next season). It's also just fun to see everyone working together. Also, "Tongue Tied" is one of my all time favorite songs and that moment with the champagne and the celebrating is so fun (if we ignore the weird Will/Emma stuff going on at the same time).

Episode most people like but I don't: I mean I'm a Klaine hater lol so a lot of the Klaine episodes that people like such as "Love, Love, Love" and "A Wedding" are episodes I don't particularly enjoy. Even though I love Brittana, I can't get over how young everyone is getting married, especially Klaine who literally just got back together like, an episode earlier??? After resolving zero of their issues?? It makes it so hard for me to enjoy it.

Episode most people dislike but I don't: Okay I have a couple - I admittedly had to look up "most hated glee episodes" to figure this one out though. First is "Lights Out" - which I totally get the hate for, Artie is awful in this episode, and Sam makes me mad too because it's so out of character for him to react the way he did to Ryder. But I do appreciate the Ryder and Kitty character development - it gives nice insight into some characters that are pretty disliked among the fandom. I also kinda like "A Katy Or A Gaga" even though I do agree it's probably the worst tribute episode. The performance of "Roar" is pretty cool imo and I enjoy the acoustic "Wide Awake" and the performance of "Applause." The storylines are mid, but I guess I just kinda like the performances lol

I honestly do not know who to tag lol so I'm just gonna leave this here, and if anyone who follows me watches glee and hasn't done this yet, please do! it's a fun thing to do to reflect on your thoughts on this silly little show :)

[princelouisau]

tbh it's not twitter if people aren't making up reasons to fight. and omg i love scrolling through fandom drama, especially fandoms i'm not a part of, it's like all the entertainment and no stress dkfljsd

rant buddies <3 that would be so cute!! me and my sister are both huge louis fans so my parents have to deal with a lot lmao. my mom just smiles and nods but my dad lowkey exhibits fan behavior sometimes (he's points out the number 28 whenever we see it anywhere 😭). he didn't escape the louis effect on straight men i fear

i loveee cooking shows and as an american i can tell u that even americans have no idea what's going on in those cooking shows. the amount of cheese and meat they use is genuinely terrifying sometimes

i knew you'd be a zouis baby :,) a zouis edit can make me cry on my best day i miss them sm 😭 the parasocial relationship really hits with them bc i want them to be friends again and interact so badly,, every time louis likes one of zayn's posts 5 years are added to my life

qotd because i'm curious: how did you get into stanning 1d/louis, and where are u at with all that rn slkdfjkl basically what's ur fandom journey?

i made my mum and little sister louies!! my mum has been a louis girl since 1d days like she always screamed ‘my little louis’ every time his parts came on 😭

i reaaally feel you on the zouis like i am like oh yeah i know they have lives and probably won’t ever be close again but part of me needs them to reconcile as if it’s my own friendship lmao

my 1d stan story is very longwinded hsksj but basically i hated them for the first 3 years because i was annoying and ~ not like other girls ~ but then i had a really bad breakup at 16 and basically had nothing to cling onto and somehow ended up a 1d fan lmao. I was primarily a harry girl at first and then slipped into larry and then disappeared a bit post-hiatus and only really kept up with harry before finding louis again during lockdown in 2020 and he’s had my heart since then, i came back to the fandom around that time too. Nowadays I wouldn’t say I was heavily involved, i don’t really enjoy the larrie side anymore and i’m not super active on twitter anymore but i’ll always be about to support louis even if it’s just a quick thing. I have a lot of other complicated feelings around it but this is already too much of a rant shskdj basically i’m here but i’m not here, idc about 1d anymore and i’m mostly here for my friends and louis tweets, and i’ll write fics if people continue to want them because i like writing!

that was so much omg i’m sorry! i hope you’ve had a good day ♥️

[mountswhore]

𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲 — mason mount

summary: you were getting tired of listening to mason’s problems with his girlfriend, so you plan on confronting him. until he shows up at your door.

notes: requests are open! btw i know i use the same job in a lot of these, it just makes them meeting easier.

“She doesn’t compare to you. No one does.” + “I’ll take the couch.” + “It’s us against the world.”

for @mountswdw

It was tiring, far beyond that, actually. Hearing the same leave his mouth words over and over, the same look on his face, it enervated you. You were exhausted with having Mason appear at your door at stupid o’clock, venting to you about his ‘girlfriend’ and their issues, and all you could do was listen. You’d tried giving him advice the first few times, but he never took it. You don’t even think he took it into consideration. and girlfriend was entirely the wrong word to use, they were more friends with benefits. That’s how she saw their relationship anyway. It was exceptionally worse, because you liked him so much. You wanted to scream in his face and tell him she’s pushing him around, but you couldn’t, it would ruin your friendship.

Mason was sat opposite you, pulling you out of sleep, just to talk to you about her. It felt as if he knew you liked him, and decided to torture you by giving you the inside scoop into their time-bomb of a relationship. You were curled up on the sofa, blanket still wrapped around you as you tried to cling onto your sleep, barely listening to him whine about how his girlfriend seemed like she didn’t care anymore. Your eyelids were so close to shutting again, but you managed to keep them open for Mason. As much as his girlfriend angered you, Mason was your friend and you had to be there for him. You wanted to.

“I think I might call it quits,” Mason sighed softly, eyes finally meeting yours after twenty minutes of squeezing them shut in anger, “I’m gonna do it.” He psyched himself up for it, attempting to steady his breathing. You were surprised the first time he said this, thinking you’d actually gotten through to him. But two days later, his Instagram story was filled with pictures of them both on a nice date. It ruined your Friday night in.

“Okay, Mase.” You whispered, standing up from your seat on the couch. You’d been sat there for so long that your exposed skin was now cold again, creating a strip of goosebumps that lined your side and legs. “You can stay here, if you want. You know where the spare bedding is.” It felt like a script at this point, repeating the same things to him as he found solace in you after an argument with his girlfriend.

“Yeah,” Mason conceded, watching with an achy heart as you shifted towards your stairs, “goodnight, Y/N.” Hearing him say your name never failed to give you butterflies, no matter how tired you were of hearing his complaints.

“Night, Mase.” Was all you said back as you reached your room, diving back into the now-cold sheets. Mason had set up his usual makeshift bed in the living room, your couch was actually comfier than most. That’s why he never hesitated to sleep on it. But his night was anything but full of sleep, despite the argument being fresh on his mind still, he was thinking about you.

Your friendship was different now than it was before. Before his girlfriend. You’d met when you were a trainee-massage therapist. Chelsea’s massage therapist had been kind enough to let you shadow him for a week, showing you the ins-and-outs of what his job was like. And you’d made friends with a few of the Chelsea boys, but ultimately caught Mason’s eye. Soon enough, you’d been offered a job alongside this massage therapist and here you were. Friendly flirting with Mason during work hours and after. Nothing came of it, you both saw it as flirty banter, and were good friends. Until his girlfriend came around.

Mason told himself he valued his friendship with you over potentially pushing it further, so tried to get over you. With Ella. Ella seemed sweet to begin with, but when Mason started coming to you for comfort, that’s when you saw how terrible their relationship was. She’d seen it differently to Mason, who felt it was more romantic than sexual. To say it stung to hear about his sexcapades with Ella, was an understatement. That’s when you began to grow tired of it, hearing about them constantly. It was the only time you’d talk really, apart from when you were having a session with him at work.

Laying there for two hours, putting himself in your shoes, it had all come together for him. He was cursing himself as he’d walked up the stairs, to give you more than just a fraction of the attention you’d gotten so used to. He’d imagined only seeing you when you complained about a boy you’d been seeing, and it dampened his mood. But thinking about you seeing another boy, that’s what made his feet move rapidly to your room. Knowing what he’d put you through for the past few months, it made him mad at himself. He’d never let someone treat him like this, so why should he treat his closest friend like this?

“Y/N,” you heard from behind you, startling you as you looked around in the dark, “are you awake?” Matching the voice to Mason’s, it calmed you down a bit. It wasn’t just a random intruder who knew your name and was considerate enough to let you know they’d broken in. “Y/N,” he repeated, his finger tracing down the arch of your back, “please wake up.”

“What’s up, Mase?” You somnolently questioned, yawning as he came into view. Your lamp was now on, illuminating his bloodshot eyes and tired smile. It was only something you’d wish to wake up to every morning. He said nothing, but pulled you into a hug. His arms a tight yet perfect fit around you, a small kiss was pressed to your shoulder as you shifted. Mason never wanted to let you go.

It was moments like this that slowly killed you inside. You and Mason had cuddled before, on one of the nights he’d come over after an argument, he’d snuggle up to you on the couch as you finished watching your movie. It would be a gentle night of intimacy, feelings locked away due to his relationship, and yet he’d still choose her. He’d always go back to Ella, so much so, it made you wonder what she had to make him crawl back each time.

Mason was now in bed with you, head on your chest and enjoying your warmth. He felt a lot better now, having you in his arms, giving you the attention you deserved. But this wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want another cuddle with a friend, you wanted him. But you knew his heart still belonged to Ella. He’d fallen asleep pretty quickly, so you’d rolled him off of you and gotten some sleep for yourself before work tomorrow. Where you’d see him.

Throughout your day, you’d caught eyes with him a few times. He’d give you a cheeky grin and sometimes even sing your name as he walked past you. You told yourself not to be hopeful for Mason’s breakup with Ella, because it had never happened before. But not once had he mentioned her to you over the course of the day. A smile had been plastered to your face as you left your office for the day, you could no longer push the hope away, Mason could finally be calling it quits with her.

Until you saw that damned white Golf. She was stood there, a smirk upon her face, Mason jogging up to her and getting into the car. Your mood flattened, making your drive home depressing and your arrival even worse. Your bed still unmade, the creases from Mason moving around in his sleep last night. His jacket was still here, hung on the door of your bedroom. The note he left on your bathroom mirror saying ‘thank you for everything you do <3’, because he knew you’d see it there. Everything in your house reminded you of him, you’d never escape the love you had for this man.

And there you were, back on your couch again. Mason was clearly sticking with Ella this time, so it was a quiet night in for you. This time last year, when Mason actually seemed to be your friend, he’d be round most nights and you’d be arguing over who’s having the last Cornetto and what to watch. But now, it’s like you’re not even his friend. You’re his therapist. You could barely pay attention to the movie you were watching, your mind relaying the scene you’d witnessed today. Seeing him curled up in your bed this morning, and then running to his girlfriends car this afternoon. You’d decided enough was enough.

“I’m gonna confront this asshole,” you mumbled to yourself, changing out of your pyjamas and into a warmer outside attire, “he either stops coming to me about his fucking relationship, or he leaves me alone.” You were psyching yourself up, something you’d mirrored Mason doing a million times before. You’d spent so much time together, you were almost the same person. Sliding into your shoes, you grabbed the door handle. You either cried or screamed at him, no in between. You yanked the handle down to open your door, almost jumping out of your skin when you saw Mason at your door.

“Mason?” You questioned whether you were seeing things or he was actually clinging onto you and weeping into your shoulder. “Why are you here? What happened?” You wanted to be angry at him, you wanted to tell him how tired you were of hearing him complain about his girlfriend nonstop, but not even the worst argument could keep you from comforting him.

“I’m sorry,” he cried, tears staining the material of your hoodie, “I never meant to treat you like this. You mean everything to me.” You brought him inside and sat him on your couch, seeing yourself where you were last night. Only this time you were more concerned. Mason had never cried in front of you, and you still hadn’t found out why.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry for making it feel like I only need you when I argue with Ella.” He simply stated, his large hand wrapped quite tightly around yours. “I promise I need you all the time, you get me through everything. I’d be nowhere without you, you know that. But I’m done, we’re done. I know you saw me getting into her car earlier, but I did it. I finally finished things with her.”

You were knocked out of breath, processing what you’d just heard. After months of having to pick up the pieces, there was no more of that. And not only had he surprised you by following through with his word, he’d apologised. Your Mason was back.

“Really?” You asked, unsure of whether to believe him or not. He just nodded and opened his arms, you falling into them almost instantly. “I mean I’m sorry, but I’m kind of glad. Nobody should make you feel that unhappy, that frequently.” He responded by squeezing you tighter, his hands gently grazing your sides. You wondered if this was going to be the moment a chance would appear — an opportunity for you to tell Mason how you felt about him.

Mason pulled away from your hug, his eyes catching yours briefly before he stared down at your lips. You felt like you were in a haze, eyes half closed as you stared back at him. You were entranced by him and you hadn’t felt as relieved as you did in months. Mason took this chance to inch closer to you, feeling your breath on his face and your hand resting on his thigh. “She doesn’t compare to you. No one does.” He whispered, finally closing the gap between you both. It felt electric, something that was long overdue.

“Mase,” you breathed, whining at the sudden loss of contact, he’d pulled away from the kiss to smile at you, “it’s been so hard watching and listening to her hurt you.” Mason held you close, his newfound confidence after kissing you had you speechless as you looked at him. “But I’d never leave you to deal with it alone.”

“It’s us against the world, it always has been.” He admitted, your legs swung over his lap as he held you tight. The night had ended exactly how you’d hoped, Mason in your arms and no more listening to him whine about Ella. It was the perfect end to your shitty day. But it was getting late, Mason was even yawning as he looked at the time on his phone.

You stood up, shaking off your coat and hanging it on the banister, as well as placing your shoes back onto the shoe rack. Sleep was calling your name at this point, and you didn’t want anything more than to cuddle up to Mason as you slept.

“I’ll take the couch.” Mason stated, reaching into the living room cupboard to grab the blankets out. But you’d grabbed his arm and pulled him up, his face towering over yours. Your eyes met once again, and this time you initiated the kiss. It was brief, and enough to show you still meant what you said.

“Don’t be silly,” your voice was soft, hand linking his as you led him up to your room. Bed still unmade, exactly how he left it this morning. He’d given you one last look, his usual cheeky smile on his face as he grabbed the backs of your thighs and lifted you over his shoulder, carrying you to your bed.

He was above you, and although you were both in the moment, it played out romantically. Mason smoothed his palm over the sides of your face, moving the stray hairs and taking in your beauty. You were effortless with how you looked, and still the most beautiful girl he’d seen. The way he looked at you, it was as if he’d been doing it for years. And he has, but you’d never know that.

[dreamescapeswriting]

BTS Reaction | Thinks You’re Cheating On Him [Request]

A/N: So these are…they’re a little long [BTS X GenderNeutral!Reader]

Seokjin:

You were standing in the hallway between Yoongi and Namjoon's studio waiting for one of them to come out so you could head to the dorms together.

"Look," You stared down at the floor hearing people whisper about you, you weren't stupid you knew what they were all talking about and accusing you of since Jin was the one also accusing you of it.

"You okay?" You glanced up at Yoongi who had a pained look on his face, he and the boys were the only ones to believe that you weren't cheating on Jin but he was far too stubborn to believe them which resulted in your breakup.

"Yeah, fine." You lied clearing your throat once you finished your sentence, you were the talk of the building after someone walk in on you and Yeonjun together in a studio. Nothing had happened and nothing would ever happen since he was like a little brother to you but rumours travelled faster than the truth and before you knew it you were ''sleeping'' with the younger boy.

"Come on, before Jin comes out of his studio for the first time in weeks," Yoongi mumbled taking out his keys and walking with you down the hallway, you hadn't seen Jin since he decided to move out of your shared apartment and call it quits on everything. He didn't even want to try and talk to you, to try and listen to your side of the story, he was adamant that you were cheating and wasn't going to have it any other way.

"Now they're going for Yoongi, what's the point?" The pounding in your chest got worse the longer you heard people talking about you under their breath - some were doing it in front of your face which you liked since they weren't hiding it but it still hurt to hear. Yoongi could see that it was bothering you as you got into the elevator, your eyes were downcast at the floor and he saw a tear roll down your cheek.

"The cheek of it, imagine sleeping with every band member." He slammed his hand on the doors to stop them from closing and you jumped back.

"Enough! Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous you all sound?!" You flinched as he began racing his voice at them finally having enough of all of their pathetic quips and digs at you whenever they had the chance.

"Are you really that quick to jump onto a rumour? Y/n is one of the sweetest people I know - scratch that! That you all know and yet you were all quick to jump onto the bandwagon as soon as someone said they were cheating on Jin." Jin came out of one of the rooms upon hearing his name and you groaned wanting the elevator to drop down until you hit the bottom to get out of this situation.

"Don't you even start!" Yoongi said before Jin could even open his mouth to say something, Yoongi released his hands and pushed the ground floor button.

"You didn't have to-"

"Yes I did, he's as stubborn as a mule." You knew the boys had all fallen out after you and Jin split up, they'd tried to convince him that nothing was going on between you and Yeonjun but nothing was going to convince Jin of anything else. Not even you screaming at him to listen to you for two seconds just to let you tell your side of what happened. He didn't want to hear it so he wouldn't.

 "Jin Hyung?" Jin looked up over his shoulder to see Yeonjun standing in the doorway of the lounge, he felt a rage bubble up inside of him as he pictured you and Yeonjun together. This was the first time that the younger boy had come by to see him since the rumours started and he wondered what he was going to do to defend his actions,

"What is it?" He would say he didn't mean to grumble at the younger boy but it would be a huge lie.

"I just wanted to come by and tell you that nothing happened between me and Y/n...They were helping me with something-"

"I don't want to hear excuses or lies anymore, I'm sick of it. You don't have to lie anymore," Yeonjun sighed he wasn't supposed to disrespect anyone let alone someone older than him but it was really starting to bug him the way Jin was treating everyone.

"Y/n was helping me with dating advice, dating under the contract like they used to with you." Jin's shoulders tensed and he turned to look at the boy properly,

"They were helping me with a secret date, there's nothing going on between me and Y/n." All of a sudden it was like a light bulb went off in Jin's head as he realised that you hadn't been sleeping with Yeonjun,

"I wanted to tell you because I know you're not talking to Y/n and they've been trying to tell you from the start." Jin began rushed to get up from the sofa in the lounge panicking as he went looking for his car keys and phone, he knew you were going to be at the dorms since he'd heard the boys talking about it all morning. He had to get there and see you as fast as he could.

 "Thank you again Yoongi," Your voice came out as barely a whisper as you hunted around Jin's room for some of your clothes you'd left there,

"I'll go get another box. I had no idea you had so much stuff here," He chuckled looking around at the three full boxes already. You'd been together with Jin for years, it was no surprise that most of your clothing and other things were spotted around the dorms.

"Thanks," You called out as you heard him walk out into one of the other rooms.

You were on the floor in the wardrobe when you felt a presence behind you,

"Oh hey, can you get me the box with tops inside? I think I put-" You cut yourself off when you turned to see Jin standing there, he was panting and covered in sweat. Your first instinct was to reach out and check that he was okay but then you remembered you weren't together anymore.

"I'll be out of your way soon, I just need my stuff and I'll be gone forever-"

"No." His voice was cracking and you stared at him confused as to where all of this was coming from,

"No?" You questioned taking the shirt you'd folded up and putting it in one of the boxes.

"You can't, you're not leaving." You scoffed at him,

"I'm pretty sure I am, you moved out? You accused me of cheating, I have to leave."

"No. I was an idiot-"

"You are." You whispered shutting the box and going into his en-suite to look for anything you might have left in there but he continued talking to you, telling you about Yeonjun and how he'd made an awful mistake.

"Jin you're supposed to trust me when I tell you I didn't cheat on you and you didn't." You said to him as you walked back into the bedroom, Yoongi had heard you both talking and left empty boxes on the bed for you to use. He didn't want to be involved in any of the arguments.

"I know and I know you're never going to forgive me for it but please let me make it up to you...Give me another chance to try and make this right?" You looked up into his pleading eyes, it was hard to throw everything away when you'd been in love and together for so long.

"Nothing is going to be right again Jin you know that? Everything is going to be hard because you don't trust me-"

"Please." He begged, taking your hand into his and looking deep into your eyes as if he could somehow hypnotise you into giving him another chance.

"Fine...But you're staying at the dorms until we can figure something out." You whispered looking around at your boxes,

"Only if you leave everything here." You nodded and he wrapped his arms around you kissing the top of your head and promised he would make things right between you if it was the last thing he did.

Yoongi:

"You know you look good in this one," You giggled turning the magazine towards Felix and showing him the photo. It was one of you and him huddled under an umbrella together and laughing about something he'd said - neither of you could remember what it was about.

"Shut up, I look like I've got a pig nose and look at my hair!" He groaned shoving the magazine back into your hands as you laughed harder than ever before at the phone.

"I'm saving it, it's going to be my lock screen forever and when you get married I will post it all over the wedding banners." You smirked taking a photo of the magazine but he lunged after you trying to take the phone from your hands when the door to your apartment opened.

"Hi, baby!" You yelled at Yoongi who had walked in to see his partner being mounted by someone else,

"Hi." He said slowly as he dropped the bag he was carrying onto the floor, he'd always be wary of your friendship with Felix it wasn't that he didn't trust you or him but there was just something that bugged him about it.

"You should see this photo of Felix." You giggled slipping out from under Felix and walking over to your boyfriend who took one glance at the photo before nodding and acting like he didn't care.

"I think I should go," Felix said slowly as he read the room, he could already tell it was going to be an intense conversation between you and Yoongi.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" You called out as he walked out of the apartment,

"Are you sleeping with him?!" You scoffed at the question before laughing at it,

"What are you talking about? Felix is like a brother," You'd explained this a million times before and you can't believe you were going to have to explain it all to him again.

"Really?! Do siblings normally crawl over one another like that? It wasn't what it looked like in this," He reached down into his bag and pulled out another magazine which had the same photographs splashed along the front page as the one you had except some of them were clearly photoshopped to make it look like you were closer than the others.

"Yoongi they're clearly fake-"

"Oh sure, conveniently. I was going to talk to you about it and then I see him practically dry humping you in our own living room." Your heart fell flat as he began talking to you like this as if you were smaller than him.

"Yoongi believe me when I tell you that there is nothing between me and Lee Felix." He shook his head, he was as stubborn as ever about this. He knew you were cheating and nothing you could say or do would change his mind,

"Do you really believe I would throw away 2 years of a relationship to be with Felix?"

"No." You relaxed a little thinking he'd thought it all over but he folded his arms across his chest,

"I believe you'd throw it away for another idol who will earn more money than me." That was the last straw for you, the tone of his voice told you all you needed to know and that was that he believed everything he was saying.

"Fine. You know what if that's how you feel than you keep this apartment that I pay for, you keep everything inside of it as well." You shoved past him not caring that you'd barged into him with your shoulder, you grabbed your phone and headed out of the door.

[X]

"You just let them leave?!" Namjoon questioned looking at Yoongi as he sat carefree on the sofa in front of him,

"So what? They're sneaking around behind my back-"

"Are you that dumb?!" Jimin turned to look at Yoongi as he quizzed him on this, they were all sitting in the dorms asking him what had happened since you were supposed to be there with Yoongi that night for a game night.

"Don't tell me they have you sucked in as well, it's clear. Look." He threw the magazine down in front of them and Jin was the first one to pick it up. He took one glance before rolling it up and began hitting Yoongi over the head with it.

"You're idiotic! Haven't you seen photoshop before?!" He threw the magazine into his lap and began pointing out all of the markets for what had been edited in the photo. The longer that Yoongi stared at them the more he began to realise that the boys were right, the photos had been messed with and that he should have listened to you anyway.

"You better go and make this up to Y/n," Taehyung said as he folded his arms over his chest clenching his fists as he did so, he couldn't believe how stupid he could have been. But Yoongi was stubborn,

"No, if they have nothing to hide why did Y/n run off to him? Explain that one to me." The boys all rolled their eyes at him trying to tell him why you'd left but he was having none of it, he only heard what he wanted to hear and that was you leaving to go be with Felix.

[X]

Cookies were Felix solution to everything so here you were pushing the trolley around a supermarket while he was on the hunt for the ingredients he needed. It had only been three days since you and Yoongi broke up but to you, it felt like a lifetime.

"You have to cheer up or Felix will never stop baking," Seungmin said as he came back over to the trolley, he put something in and you sighed.

"I know, I'm sorry it's just that if I could see Yoongi and ex...plain-" Your voice trailed off slowly as you looked up to see Yoongi watching you from the end of the aisle.

"I brought some salted caramel bites since I know how much you like them," Felix said as he came bounding over to you and Seungmin,

"Lix let's go and get something from the freezers." Seungmin pushed him away from you and you looked down into the trolley. Upon seeing you and Felix together like that it suddenly hit Yoongi that nothing was going on between you and never had. You were just friends with everybody you met, his mind kept going back to the dubbed photos.

"Y/n-"

"Save it Yoongi, if you've come to tell me that you suddenly believe me I really don't want to hear it," Your voice cracked as the tears began building up in your eyes. Days ago you would have jumped into his arms and thanked him for finally coming to his sense but now you were ticked off, you didn't want him to suddenly come by and start saying sorry for not trusting you. You wanted him to just trust you in the first place.

"I should have just believed you when you told me there was nothing going on between you both." You looked away from him as he came closer to you, trying to explain everything away like it was nothing but it wasn't nothing. This was a huge thing, not only had he accused you of cheating but he'd accused you of only being with him for his money.

"Trust is the only currency in relationships Yoongi and then you told me I was just after money-"

"I was a moron and I realise that now-"

"Yoongi it's too late to realise it now, what about days ago when I was begging you to believe me over some stupid photos you'd seen?"

"I know, I was wrong and I should have just listened to the one I love when I had the chance but I'm listening now and I believe you." He was standing right in front of you staring into your eyes as you tried not to cry in the middle of the supermarket.

"You have to come home, it's not the same without you there." You looked over your shoulder when you heard Felix saying something, he was nodding at you to do it.

"My lawyer is telling me to give you another chance." You whispered looking at Yoongi who was smiling at Felix, probably having a conversation through their looks at one another.

"You won't regret it," He promised you, Felix came back over and began inviting Yoongi to help you all bake cookies together while you tried to find a way to forgive Yoongi for what he had said.

Hoseok:

Jin was helping you pack up a box while Jimin guarded the door to Hoseok's dorm room, you and Hoseok had broken up two weeks ago and it was the first chance you were getting to come by and clean out your stuff.

"Did he say anything to you?" You questioned Jin as he folded up your clothes and began putting them into the suitcase you'd brought along with you. Over the years of you dating Hoseok you'd practically moved into the dorms with them and most of your wardrobe was there along with a lot of your other belongings.

"None of us are really talking to him right now," He admitted but that only made you feel worse about everything that was going on, you didn't want them all to fall out with him over this. It wasn't their problem to deal with in the first place,

"You can't ignore him, he's your band member." Jin rolled his eyes at how nice you were being about everything but you'd been nice about the entire thing. From the moment Hoseok started accusing you of sleeping around and coming to conclusions that you were cheating you'd been calm about it. Trying to tell him that none of it was true and give him the facts but he'd never believe you because of how set in his way he was about all of this.

"We can ignore him all the while he's being stupid about all of this." You had to admit that Hoseok was being a huge jerk about all of it if he'd just listen to any of you talking about who it was in the photos none of this would have happened.

"Y/n?" You looked over at Jimin who was glancing back and forth from the door to you and you knew what he was trying to say,

"Stall him, we're almost done," Jin mumbled folding up the rest of your clothes while you packed a bunch of other stuff into your boxes.

"I'll see you later, thanks again." You whispered to Jimin as he walked you and Jin out towards the front door, Hoseok was sitting on the sofa shaking his head at how all of them were quick to forgive you for what you had done to him. The front door shut and he grumbled something at Jimin,

"Sorry I don't speak stupid." Jimin quipped back at him turning to leave the room when Hoseok repeated himself,

"I find it funny how you're all quick to forgive them for cheating on me!" Jimin had enough of it, that's all they'd heard since the breakup. How Hoseok was the one being done badly and you were the bad guy when you'd done nothing to him or to anyone for that matter you were the innocent one in all of this.

"Jimin leave it," Yoongi warned but he wasn't going to let Hoseok just sit there and bad mouth you when they'd all tried to tell him before, this time Hoseok was going to sit there and listen even if he didn't want to.

"Look! I've had enough of it, Y/n has done nothing to you-"

"You saw the photos!"

"Yes! I did! Of Y/n and their cousin." Hoseok rolled his eyes at the excuse that they were all buying into, it was conveniently your cousin who you had never mentioned before and never showed Hoseok before.

"They sure looked comfortable together-"

"You're unbelievable Hoseok! Do you have any idea how much Y/n loves you or are you actually that dim-witted?!" The boy was finally snapping after everything he'd heard Hoseok saying about you,

"If they loved me then why did they cheat?!" Jimin wanted to pick up the closest thing to him and throw it in Hoseok's direction for being this dense, he just wanted him to hear himself speaking for two minutes.

"Do you really think that Y/n would cheat on you and then post images of themselves with the guy they cheated on you with all over their social media!?" Jimin was red in the face from anger and physically shaking as he tried to get Hobi to see his point, Hoseok just shook his head staying with the fact that you'd cheated on him.

 [X]

A month had passed and Hoseok was still convinced you had been cheating on him,

"Do you think you'd go back to him if he ever came out of his bubble?" You cousin asked as you sat in a cafe together, today was his last day in Korea with you before he flew home to be with his family again. It was only supposed to be a sort visit with you at the start but he wounded up staying for a month to help you get over the breakup with Hoseok - which would never happen. You were hopelessly in love with him no matter what he said or did to you to make you hate him a little.

"If he realised what he said was wrong? Yeah, I would," You whispered putting down the cup of hot chocolate you were drinking and looking out of the cafe window. You'd wished he'd come to his senses sooner but it wasn't likely to happen if it hadn't happened by now.

"Once Hoseok is set on something though it's hard to change his mind about it." You told your cousin as you turned back to look at him. A bell above the door rang to signal that someone else was coming in and out of habit you looked up to see Taehyung, Jungkook and Hoseok all walking into the cafe, your eyes went down to the table not wanting to drawer attention but your cousin knew Hoseok.

"Excuse me." You heard him speak before you could reach out and stop him, Hoseok looked at your cousin and then to you scoffing and shaking his head,

"Still not trying to hide it-"

"The fact that they're my cousin? I see no reason why they should hide that I'm their cousin." Hoseok shook his head as you had yet another person in on the lie with you,

"Leave it, he's never going to believe me so it doesn't matter. I just thought he had more faith in me than that." You put the money down onto the table and got up to leave when your cousin began ranting very loudly about how you'd given up your whole life to move to Korea to be with Hoseok.

"Why would they then cheat on you? Huh? Think about it." He tapped on his chest and walked out of the cafe with you pushing him out of the door, Taehyung was smirking at Jungkook proud that someone else had finally said something to him.

"You going after them?" He questioned raising his eyebrow at Hoseok who was out of the door the second the words left Taehyung's mouth.

"Y/n! Wait!" You slowed down your walk to a stop and stared up at Hoseok as he bound over to you,  

"What is it? He has a flight soon and I promised my auntie I'd see him off-"

"I want to say I'm sorry." Your mouth was agape as he spoke to you, your cousin smirked from behind you knowing he should have just gone to him before the month was up and everything could have been avoided.

"I don't have excuses for what I did, I was a bumbling idiot and I should have just listened to what you had to say in the first place I just thought that...I thought you deserved someone better and went for someone else." Your eyes softened as you realised he was feeling insecure about being with you, he used to be like that all of the time. Claiming that you could do so much better when there was no one else in the world you would rather have than him,

"Hobi you know that there is no one else in the universe I love more than you." You whispered to him stepped closer to him and making him look at you,

"I'm sorry." His voice broke as he finally began crying for the first time since accusing you of cheating on him. You wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug and promised that once your cousin was on his flight home you would talk to him about everything and work on it all.

Namjoon:

"Are you at the studio all day?" You whined as you walked towards the front door of your shared apartment that you owned with Namjoon - your boyfriend of four years. He kissed your lips as he walked behind you,

"Yeah, are you out with your friend?" You nodded and looked over the road, he was parked up waiting for you to go out and meet him. You were spending the entire day shopping together for Namjoon's birthday and you needed a guys opinion on everything...Not just a guy but someone that didn't know Namjoon and would help you without going back to Namjoon and telling him everything you were going to get him.

"You've been spending a lot of time together," He acknowledged as he locked up the door to your house. You hummed turning to look at Namjoon and smiling,

"He's my best friend, of course, we spend a lot of time together." Namjoon was probably reading too much into it. He'd seen photos of you together and you seemed close, closer than any best friends he'd seen before and it bugged him a little.

"Make sure he drives safe," He grumbled looking over at your friend who was watching you both closely, Namjoon had never been this jealous before and it was a feeling he never wanted to experience again. As you went to walk away he took your hand in his and brought you back into his chest, kissing you passionately. You yelped before wrapping your arms around his neck and drawing your body closer to his while he kissed you like this.

"W-What was that for?" You stuttered as he pulled away from you biting down on his bottom lip as he checked you out,

"Just showing my love for you, have fun." You felt a warm feeling spread through your neck as you got a little shy at the sudden public display of affection he had for you. He was normally the type to keep everything inside of the house.

"Look at you getting some!" Your best friend yelled as you reached his car, you got inside and greeted him with a hug before he began pulling out and driving down the road.

[X]

"I saw you!" Namjoon yelled later that night, you'd come home from your day with your best friend and he began yelling at you like an insane person. Calling out that you'd been sleeping around your best friend all day,

"Saw me where?!" You yelled back at him finally having enough of him accusing you of something that you hadn't done and would never dream of doing.

"You were coming out of that motel together! I have photos." You looked down at the coffee table as he dropped photographs of you and your best friend laughing and hugging as you came from a motel room,

"How did you get them? Did you have someone follow me?!" You yelled finally realising that the photos were taken with a wide lens and zoomed in on - you could tell by how some of the pixels were grainy in comparison to others.

"I wanted to make sure there was nothing going on and I guess now I know the truth." You shook your head at how unbelievable he was acting,

"You could have just asked me if there was something going on which by the way, there isn't." You were calmer now wanting him to listen to you but he wasn't going to. He had photos of you entering and leaving a motel room with someone else that wasn't him, he wasn't going to listen to anything except the sounds of you leaving him.

"You can't actually believe I would cheat on you would you?" You were hoping he would say he didn't believe it but he did, he was convinced you'd been sleeping around with someone else and you shook your head at him and threw your hands in the air in defeat,

"It doesn't matter what I say does it?" He shook his head and you took your phone trying to call one of the guys to come and get you instead of taking a taxi.

[X]

Jungkook had been letting you crash at his place while you were on an apartment hunt,

"Has he said anything to you guys about it?" You asked one morning - you were sitting cross-legged on the kitchen counter with a slice of toast in one hand and your phone in the other.

"I'm not talking to him but Jimin said he's still convinced about it all," You sighed looking at your phone, no new apartment listings within your budget. You could only afford the last place because you and Namjoon were splitting the bills straight down the middle.

"He'll realise today,"

"Today?" Jungkook questioned jumping up onto the kitchen side next to you. The rest of the boys had heard what happened and why you were at the motel, to begin with, but Namjoon hadn't, he wouldn't listen. Whenever someone brought it up into conversation he'd blank it out and pretend he couldn't hear anyone speaking.

"The motel were going to send us a cute welcome package, supposed to get there today."

"You didn't cancel it?" You shook your head,

"It's a way of proving to him I wasn't cheating and never would." You knew it was probably petty but you didn't care, you wanted Namjoon to know the truth and it was going to be the only way you could do it without talking to him.

[X]

"Package for Mr Kim Namjoon?" Namjoon signed for the box and carried it through to the living room, it was from the motel you'd been seen coming out of and he frowned.

"Happy Birthday Namjoon and welcome Y/n, inside we've inclosed everything you will need for your romantic getaway?" He read the card aloud before opening the box and finding matching PJ's, dressing gowns and a bunch of other small romantic gifts inside. The realisation began to hit him as he realised you hadn't been cheating on him at all, you'd been trying to plan him something new for his birthday.

"Hello?" Your voice was like warm honey, it was so sweet and nice to hear after so long and he was almost lost in it.

"Namjoon?" You called out and he cleared his throat trying to think of where to start but you started for him,

"You got the box? I'm assuming you now believe me when I said I didn't cheat you?" He could hear you giggling down the other side of the phone so he knew you weren't all that mad at him for being the worst boyfriend in the world.

"I'm sorry-"

"I know, which is why you're going to order pizza for when I come in. Jungkook has me living off rabbit food here." He chuckled hearing you be so calm about everything, he was going to do everything in his power to make up everything he'd said about you and your best friend.

"Then you're driving us to the motel because I don't want to." He could hear the pout on your face without seeing you and he promised he would.

"I'll get Kook to drop me off, order my favourite!" You said before hanging up the phone, you both knew it would take a while for you to forgive him but you could kind of see his side of the argument...You weren't going to let him know that though.

Jimin:

Jimin watched as you and Taehyung began walking towards the dorm exit together,

"Where are you going?" You looked over at Jimin not knowing he was home yet, you thought he was supposed to be at the studio all day,

"I thought you had work." Your voice trembled as you nervously looked between Taehyung and Jimin. Taehyung had thought he was as well which was why you'd come to the dorms before going to your appointment together.

"I finished early, where are you going?" He repeated himself and you looked to Taehyung for help on this one. Everything was supposed to be a secret from everybody the only reason that Taehyung knew was that you were far too nervous to go alone to your appointment today.

"Y/n has somewhere to be," He told Jimin as he eyed him up wondering why Jimin was standing with his arms folded across his chest and watching you both.

"You've been spending a lot of time together." He mentioned looking between you both and back at Taehyung who was nodding your head. You and Taehyung had been close since you grew up together and you thought that Jimin understood that after all Taehyung was the one that introduced you and Jimin together four years ago and insisted on you both going out on a date. You looked at Taehyung nervously, if you didn't leave right now you were going to be late and it was going to take forever to get another appointment booked in.

"I have to go," You told him and he nodded at you,

"We have to go. Talk about it when we get back Jimin-"

"You're cheating on me with him aren't you?" Your whole world froze as he came out with that. It had come out of nowhere for you and Taehyung who were used to hanging around a lot but Jimin had this feeling for the last couple of weeks. He'd watched you talking in secret, whispering to one another and constantly laughing behind his back.

"At least fucking tell me that you're sleeping with one of my best friends," You shook your head trying to search for the words to say something but your head was empty, it was the baby fog happening to you. It was making things almost impossible for you to comprehend.

"You can't even come up with an excuse, unbelievable." Jimin had already made up his mind that that was what was happening behind his back. Taehyung tried to explain it to him without giving away what you were really doing but he wasn't listening,

"Go on. Go and fuck her! See if I care, she doesn't matter to me." You couldn't stand to hear any more of it, you stormed out of the door and in the direction of Taehyung's car.

[X]

Taehyung came back later that night alone with the ultrasound screening in his wallet, you told him to do whatever he wanted with it. If he wanted to show Jimin it was up to him but you weren't going to go back there and be accused of something like that. You and Jimin were supposed to be in love and in love there was supposed to be trust and if he just assumed you would do something like that to him you didn't want to talk to him.

"Got bored of fucking her?" Taehyung scoffed at Jimin's crude ways, he was acting as though this didn't bother him at all but Taehyung knew Jimin too well for this to just be nothing to him. This had to be coming from a place of hurt.

"We're not sleeping together Jimin, are you really that dense?" He questioned looking from his wallet to Jimin trying to think quickly about showing him the baby scan. He knew you would tell him eventually but if Taehyung told him now that everything could still be fixed and you could both work it out together. Be the big happy family that he knew both of you wanted to be,

"Whatever Taehyung, you could at least have the decency to tell me the truth. I thought we were friends-"

"We are," He took out the small black and white image and shoved it into his chest,

"Which is why I'm giving you this so you go and make it up to her. She wanted it to be a surprise." He grumbled looking at the photo one last time before leaving Jimin to stand there and stare at it. His hands were shaking as he ran his small fingers over the black and white blob that was on the photograph.

 [X]

You opened the front door expecting your pizza to be there but you were shocked to see a tearful Jimin holding up one of the copies of the baby scan. You'd gotten seven copies one for each member to have since they were all going to be like uncles to the little one anyway.

"He told you?" You questioned moving away from the door so he could come into the apartment,

"He said it was supposed to be a surprise?" You nodded your head trying not to act happy in front of him, you were over the moon about being pregnant but having him accuse you of sleeping around wasn't something you were going to be quick to forgive him for.

"I was going to have the scan and then find cute places to leave hints in for you all but then-"

"I acted like a complete and utter pig and accused you of cheating?" He offered and you nodded laughing softly,

"That was the nicer way of saying it." He smiled softly glad that you had some kind of humour about it, you could see his side of the argument but you also hated him for not being able to believe you.

"I should have just accepted when you said there was nothing between you," You nodded along waiting for him to continue on with what he was saying and he began ranting about how sorry he was. About how it would never happen again, he was just feeling bad about you spending so much time with someone else instead of him.

"We're going to have a son or a daughter you're going to have to trust me-"

"I do, I trust you in every sense of the word. I trust you with everything." You looked at him knowing he was serious about this but it was going to take a lot more than one apology for you to get over something like this.

"No more accusing me of cheating," You warned him and he nodded locking your pinkies together before touching thumbs with you.

"I promise."

Taehyung:

You'd been whispering down the phone all week and it was starting to get on Taehyung's nerves, you were constantly smiling down at your phone but when he would ask you about it you would tell him it was nothing and then go back to laughing at whatever it was.

"Seriously what is it?" He asked that morning as you smiled at your phone, if he didn't know any better he would have thought you were cheating on him. You were always sneaking around, hiding your phone from him whenever he looked and you'd changed your passcode from his birthday to something else. He just wanted to know what you were doing, he trusted you with everything in his life but it was starting to feel like he shouldn't anymore,

"Nothing. I have to go out. I'll make dinner tonight." You said as you put your phone into your back pocket and walked towards the front door, he watched you closely as you began rushing around looking for your keys.

"What's the rush? I thought maybe we could spend the day together." You shook your head at him, you would have loved to drop everything and spend time with him but you had to go out and do something first.

"I'll be back soon, just wait for me okay?" He nodded his head at you and watched as you rushed out of the door without even a kiss goodbye. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he grabbed his own keys and decided that he was going to come after you, just to see what you were doing and who you were sneaking off to meet all of the time.

You pulled up in a car park and Taehyung stayed back so he could watch from afar,

"Hi!" You yelled throwing your arms around a guy he'd never seen before, he tensed up as he watched you pull back from the hug and start engaging in some kind of conversation with him before getting into the car with the man. Taehyung sighed following behind you both wanting to know what was happening, it all could be just some huge misunderstanding but once he watched you and the guy he'd never met before going into a house he headed up to pack up his things and leave so you wouldn't have the joys of being able to pretend to love him anymore.

 [X]

"You're going to love your new home angel," You giggled as you walked the golden labrador up the steps to your front door. The door was locked which was strange since you'd told Taehyung to stay home and wait for you,

"Daddy probably just went to see his friends." You cooed unlocking the door and letting your new puppy begin to sniff around her new home. You glanced at the coat rack to see that it was almost empty, you could have sworn there were more clothes on it that morning before you left. That was when you noticed that most of Taehyung shoes were missing, you walked further into the house and noticed that almost everything that belonged to him was gone, no traces of him being there except for old photographs.

"Taehyung, w-where did you go? I have a surprise for you but you're not here." You tried not to think of the worst as you left a voicemail for him but it was hard not to think of the worst when all of his things were gone and you were left in a home without him there.

 [X]

"Are you actually insane?!" Jimin yelled looking at Taehyung, you'd done nothing but call all of them all night when he didn't show back up or call you.

"They've been cheating on me, I watched them get into a guy with a car and go back to his place." Jimin stared blankly at Taehyung as he tried to get to grips with what he'd just said.

"Did you really just accuse Y/n of cheating on you? The one person in the entire world that loves you more than your mum does?" He shrugged his shoulders and Jimin groaned at him trying to make him see that you would never do anything to hurt him. He knew where you'd been, you'd been sneaking off for weeks to go and see Angel from the moment she was born. You wanted to surprise Taehyung with your own dog who was already getting along well with Yeontan since you'd taken him to see Angel a couple of times whenever you could get him away from Taehyung for long enough.

"That'll be Y/n, open the door," Jimin said to Jungkook not wanting to look at Taehyung as he realised what kind of mistake he'd made. The front door opened and the golden fur was the first thing that Taehyung saw then he saw you.

"We'll give you a minute," Jimin said as he took Jungkook by the ear and dragged him away from the dog, you looked at Taehyung while you stroked angel by your side.

"This is what you've been doing?" He questioned as Angel began walking towards him before pouncing and jumping onto his lap,

"I've been sneaking off to see her whenever I could, I thought it would be a nice surprise but you ended up surprising me more." You stated referring to the empty house you'd come home to and he looked down at the floor. It wasn't one of the proudest moments in his life,

"I should have just asked you when you got home-"

"You shouldn't have followed me either," You told him and he sighed knowing you were right. You were right about everything and Taehyung knew that,

"Do you think you can forgive me?" You looked at Angel who was licking his face,

"I think we can." You whispered knowing that he did what he did because he assumed the worst and he was going to have to learn to trust you if the relationship was going to last.

"We've been together for years Tae, I would never throw that away." You informed him and he nodded at you while he tried to fight the small puppy from his lap so he could go over and give you a hug.

Jungkook:

"How am I supposed to know what you're doing when you're there!?" Jungkook yelled at you from the other side of the bedroom. He'd started yet another fight about you wanting to hang out with your guy friends, he didn't want you to go though since you would be alone with them. He was busy that day and couldn't come with you so you just told him that you would go alone it was no big deal but to him it was. He couldn't see why you had to just hang out with them alone,

"They're my friends Jungkook, we're just going to hang out and play some video games, maybe a card game or two." You told him as you looked around for your car keys, you were going to go to their place even if he didn't like it.

"Friends? Y/n the last time I checked one of them wanted to fuck you!" Here you went again with the same excuse he used last time on you, it was always the same one with him.

"You don't trust me?" You quipped at him and he froze in place,

"It's not you I don't trust and you know it." You rolled your eyes at him as he began the usual speech about how all of them had some kind of crush on you when they didn't. You'd grown up with them and they were like brothers to you, just like the BTS boys were like brothers to you. It was no big deal for you to hang out with them either but for some reason, it was bad when it was just your friends.

"But I'm the one that's there, trust me that nothing will happen." You told him as you got your keys and headed for the door,

"If you walk out on me right now that means you're sleeping with all of them." You stared at him,

"Jungkook! I can barely keep up with your stamina, what makes you think I can keep with seven other guys?" You deadpanned but he wasn't finding you funny at all, he stared at you waiting for you to make a decision.

"It doesn't matter what I say does it? You're still going to think I'm cheating on you aren't you?" Your voice fell flat, you wanted to be serious now. You wanted him to realise what he was saying and accusing you of. His silence was all you needed to confirm what you already knew, he thought you were cheating on him.

"If there's no trust then why are we together?" You asked him,

"I don't know! I don't know why we're together!" He yelled and you felt your heartbreak as he screamed that at you,

"Just go and fuck all of them," He grumbled at you, you walked out of the door making sure to slam it behind you as you walked over to your car.

 [X]

"He's one of the biggest idiots I've ever met," Changbin grumbled handing you a spoon to eat ice cream with him, you'd gone straight to their dorm room after walking out on your fight with Jungkook.

"He's just insecure that's all," Even now you were trying to defend what he's said to you as you left the apartment. You knew where it was coming from, he'd had a past with someone else who'd cheated on him and you knew he just didn't want to get hurt in the same way again.

"Namjoon said none of them are speaking to him," You told Changbin as you stared into the tub of ice cream, he wrapped his arm protectively around you and you sighed.

"You can't feel bad for him, he accused you of-"

"I know but with his past, I don't blame him." They hated how nice you were being about this. All of them and BTS had tried to talk some sense into Jungkook when you first showed up on their doorstep but he was as stubborn as ever and would never admit that he was wrong about this.

"I'm going to call him and give him a piece of my mind." You stared at the back of Jeongin's head wondering what piece of his mind he was going to give him when the doorbell rang.

"What do you want?" Felix was trying to make his voice deep and you looked over to see Jungkook standing at the door looking glum,

"I want to talk to Y/n."

"They don't want to talk to you-"

"Felix...I can talk for myself," You whispered as you got up and walked away from the dorms with Jungkook, they all stared at you until you got out of the dorm building and into the street.

"Look I didn't mean what I said-"

"I know-"

"I was judging it all on past experiences and I shouldn't have, I trust you I really do but I just-"

"Jungkook I know." You told him and he relaxed a little turning to look at you,

"I assumed you'd need time to calm down and come to your sense, you know I would never hurt like that." He hated how understanding you were being about all of this. He wanted you to get mad at him and start yelling at him for being so mean to you when you were just trying to hang out with your friends.

"Can we go home?" You asked linking your hands together, you were tired from the lack of sleep you'd been getting, you could never sleep without him by your side and he could never sleep without you either.

"Do you think we should go and tell them-"

"No, they'll eat you alive like a lion, I'll text them." You groaned pushing him towards his car and taking out your phone to let them know you would be going home and thanking them for everything they'd done for you over the last couple of days you were there with them. 

tagline:

@writingdreamsnottragedies @snowy-meowl @jooniesdarlingdimples @fan-ati--c @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @callingmyangel @rjsmochii @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​ @innersooya​

[folkloreguk]

Still The Louvre (m)

A/N: Someone requested this and I hope you like it! This happens when you have Lorde’s Melodrama on repeat whilst writing…thanks for inspiring me queen (although I’m not sure why breakup songs made me write this lol) Also Merry early Christmas to those who celebrate!! x

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fluff, smut, car sex, childhood friends to lovers, a tiny bit of angst but only for 0.5 minutes maybe, I hope this heals someone who’s given up on finding love, you all deserve someone who sees the best in you!!!

words: ~ 3.9 k

.

“We’re just friends. Guys and girls can be friends! We’ve always been best friends, ever since we were seven. Nothing more.” That’s what you used to say. Now look who was the clown in those conversations all along. You guessed correctly - it was you. Because on your sixteenth birthday, he showed up in his black tee and baseball jacket, with your favorite candy and a heart-shaped necklace. Little did he know, if you could, you would have carved his initials into it, right there and then. Because it was that day, you understood one thing. You were head over heels in love with your best friend.

You would have been the perfect high school sweethearts – had it not been for the three different girls he had dated instead of you. He always had all their hearts, the only thing he needed to do was pick. And who could blame the other girls? He was all you could ever ask for, so there was no point in being bitter about their adoration for him.

Multiple times, you had tried to convince yourself you were over him. Like when you went out with one of the popular guys, only to realize three dates in that he was the possibly most boring person you had ever encountered. Or like that one time you agreed to go to prom with the class clown. He almost made you spit out your drink of laughter all night long, but when he tried to stick his tongue down your throat at the end of it all, you changed your mind. Your most successful boyfriend stayed for a full six months, before leaving you. He had been jealous of your relationship with your best friend. And you couldn’t even resent it. Your then-boyfriend had been in second place all along, and you should have never even dated him.

Long story short, whenever you looked at boys, you compared them to your best friend. And your best friend was an invincible competitor. It was safe to say, your teenage years weren’t what the films made them out to be. Except if there was a movie about a girl who cried so much about her best friend who she loved, she almost thought there was something seriously wrong with her. Some days the pain was so heavy, you’d get mad at him for no reason. Then you’d have to tell him lies that wouldn’t worry him and move on. Who could you tell? Your best friend was the one supposed to help you through boy trouble, wasn’t he? Yeah, that wasn’t going to work for you.

But that was the past. Lately, life was better. You couldn’t pinpoint when you first noticed the way he looked at you. Was it when he told you he felt like no boy in the world would be good enough for you, so maybe he should date you instead? It sounded like a joke, but his eyes said differently. Or was it when he asked you to sleep in his bed instead on his spare mattress at one of your sleepovers you’d had since you were eleven? He held you without words being shared, and neither of you addressed it in the morning. Maybe you both knew what it meant, either way. The mere thought of him liking you back was almost unbelievable for you. But after last night, you had no doubt. You had been in the elevator in the cinema with him. It was only ten seconds, and before you could have kissed his face that was inches from yours, the doors had opened. But he had chuckled and grinned at you for thrice the time afterwards. As if you had a new inside joke now.

It seemed you both knew what you wanted. But were you willing to take your friendship to that level?

Today, you were sure you were willing. Your heart almost ached in desire for him when you saw him standing with your shared friends. There, on the beach in the dark of night, with a bonfire drawing the warmest orange glow on his skin, you thought he had never looked more handsome. It was a small get-together between old school friends you both hadn’t seen in a while. And you should have been all over them, asking them about their lives and how they’ve been. Instead you only had eyes for the person you saw every day of your life. You swore you’d never get enough of his sweet smile and eyes so trustworthy you wanted to put all your deepest secrets right into his hands. His chest was heaving from laughter as he pat his friend’s shoulder in agreement. Oh, how dearly you wanted that hand to slip into your very own.

It was a warm night, you had been eating marshmallows, sharing genuine laughter and looking up at the stars and the full moon. Only one thing could have made your experience better, or one person, rather. You silently cursed yourself, because the night was coming to an end – some people had already left – and you still hadn’t made your move on him like you had planned it. But then your song played from the speaker. The very song you two always played in your car whenever you drove somewhere together. Every small beat reminded you of him and the lyrics were carved into your heart, it seemed.

When he noticed, his eyes shot up and met yours. They crinkled up into a smile that you returned. Finally, he made his way over to you and automatically your arms opened for him. Like coming home, he melted into your figure, arms mellow around your body. Quietly, he sang along into your ear, like every little word was meant just for you. You only pulled away slightly, so you could look at each other’s faces. You could’ve cried, realizing the time you had waited for him had been worth it after all. He was giving you a look you had thought would be forever reserved for other girls – but never for you. The starry sky above you wouldn’t stand a chance compared to his dreamy eyes and the fresh ocean air could easily be forgotten, if it meant to be in his arms and breathe in his familiar scent. If you leaned forward only a little, you could kiss him.

“Guys, we’re headed off,” a voice interrupted you.

“We should get going too, don’t you think?” he said. Almost mechanically, you nodded. You reminded yourself that you would still be in the car with him for twenty minutes until you’d arrive at home. And he’d stay at your place. You had him all night long. As you walked to your car, his hand brushed against yours softly, and you weren’t sure if it was just an accident, at first. But he was smiling as if he knew everything when you looked over at him and there you had your answer. The moment he had sat down in the passenger seat of your car, he was digging around for a CD to play. He settled for a playlist he had made for you in spring.

There was so much to be said and simultaneously silence had never felt more comfortable while you drove. You were going south along the high cliffs to your right. It was truly the most beautiful part of your hometown.

“I hate driving here,” you said.

“You don’t like driving along the cliffs? Too dangerous?” he asked.

“No. It’s too beautiful here to just look straight ahead at the road,” you said. He chuckled.

“We can stop at the tourist spot if you want to look at the sea,” he suggested. You smiled because he knew you so well. The ‘tourist spot’ really was a small parking spot right by the road, with space for about ten cars. You could already see it ahead of you. On sunny days lots of people driving down the coast liked to stop there for a rest and to take photos. Now, it was completely empty, of course. You parked at the spot closest to the cliff, so you could look down at the sea without having to get out of your car.

The slow playlist he had made for you was still playing when you switched off the engine. You knew right then and there, no matter where the night went, you’d remember this moment forever. The glow of the full moon was sparkling on the wild billows beneath you. Your eyes fixed on the horizon for a moment, as if you could have seen the closest island if only you paid enough attention. But it was only a wild vastness seemingly without end. Momentarily, you thought you spotted something in the water. Whales? But when you looked closer, there was nothing but the white and dark blue colors of the tempestuous waves.

“It’s gorgeous,” you spoke into the silence, your chin resting on your forearms on the steering wheel. You waited for his response. When it didn’t come, you turned to look his way. He was already looking at you. If cupid was real, he had just fired another arrow at your heart. Never could you have guessed how your best friend’s foolish grin could have made your heart skip a beat like this. Without another thought entering your head, you bent over to him. He knew what it meant when you mirrored his smile.

And then, you closed your eyes. You could admit it now - every time you had blown out your birthday candles, this was all you had ever wished for. His lips fit so perfectly onto yours. After the amount of times you had imagined it, really kissing him still was so much better than it had ever felt in your wildest dreams. His hands tangled in your hair and you almost couldn’t breathe. But then again, you didn’t need to. Right then, you didn’t need anything but him. For the first time, you touched the back of his neck in the way you had always wanted to – to pull his mouth closer to yours.

When you pulled away, everything in you screamed ‘Do it again! Now!’. It was as if your mind was worried that he would slip right through your fingertips if you didn’t hold him close to you for the rest of your life. Too many times you had thought that maybe you could have him, only to be let down because your hopes were too high.

“When did you first want to do this?” you asked, because you needed to know.

“About four months ago, probably. What about you?” he said. His hand was still on yours, as if to say “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere”.

“Ever since I was sixteen,” you said. You could have lied, but what was the use? You loved him too much to ever deceive him. His eyes widened. His hurt was yours, and so you understood the way your words must had pierced through his heart. Now he knew. You could practically read it in his eyes, how he realized the pain, the jealousy and disappointment he had caused, for years, without ever intending to do so. And although you should have wanted him to understand your hurt, the guilt and pain in his look was unbearable.

“It’s not your fau-“ you started.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N,” he interrupted you. “I’m so sorry – god I’m such an ignorant asshole.”

“No!” you said, taking his hand in both of yours. “You are my best friend, and you have caused me endless hours of happiness. I would have taken any sadness if it meant I could be your best friend forever.”

His eyes were watering and your heart felt like someone had gripped and twisted it in their bare hands.

“I was dating people and you had to sit and watch,” he said in disbelief.

“It meant to see you happy,” you said. “Hating you or those girls wouldn’t have changed your feelings for me. Because we don’t choose what we feel and for whom we feel things.”

“I love you,” he let out. “I’m so in love with you and I’ll make it up to you for the rest of my life, I swear.”

His words hit you like a torrent and you didn’t even care about the years of hurt anymore.

“There’s nothing you need to make up to me. I just need you to be here with me. Let me love you the way I’ve secretly loved you all this time,” you said. You touched foreheads until your breaths mixed.

“I’m yours – all yours,” he said. “I’m sorry. It took so long for me to realize and you were here all along, waiting for me. I never wanted to hurt you. How can I apologize properly?”

“Just kiss me again, please,” you said, almost begged. “Kiss me and it’ll all go away.”

And so he did. You had never known how much emotion could be in a kiss. But then again, you had never felt this strongly for anyone else but him. You deepened the kiss, bending almost all the way over to his side of the car. His hands were touching your cheeks so gently, but they were coaxing you closer and closer. When his tongue stroked over your bottom lip, you sighed against his mouth.

“I want you,” you admitted. You thought about driving home, but you needed to be honest to yourself. Driving in this state of mind was probably not safe.

“Backseat?” he asked, lips barely leaving yours alone. Hastily, you nodded. He climbed back there first, then you followed. It was only ten seconds that you couldn’t hold him for, but you yearned for him more than ever when you finally sat down in his lap, facing him. Without hesitation, your hungry mouths attacked each other again. You swore, you could have sat there all night long, kissing and touching him, if there hadn’t been something you wanted even more.

Swiftly, you slid his shirt over his head. Of course, you had seen him shirtless before, but never like this. Never with his chest practically heaving against yours, never with your hands being able, being allowed to touch him. Your fingertips were shaky against his smooth skin and you must had looked at him as if he was carved directly from marble. So he put his fingers under your chin and you looked into his eyes. If his body was marble, his eyes were diamonds. Ever so gently, he kissed you again. For a while you sipped on each other’s lips, only pulling away for a moment so you could remove your own shirt. You had opted to not wear a bra that day, out of comfort but also laziness. All along you used to think that saying someone’s eyes darkened in lust was an exaggeration, but when you looked into his, you understood. It was true. The way he eyed you was beyond all your most daring dreams you had ever dreamt about him.

Your lips meddled messily as his hands ran down your body starting from your neck, to your breasts, squeezing them and playing with your nipples. He was careful not to tickle you, knowing from hundreds of childhood play fights where your weak spots were. Your back arched against his chest, wanting more than his careful touches. On impulse, your hips ground against his crotch. As if on cue, you both let out strained noises. By now, your breaths were heavy when you pulled away shortly. Dreamy eyed, he touched the pendant of the necklace between your collar bones.  

“I gave you that…,” he started.

“For my sixteenth birthday,” you finished his sentence. You caught a flash of regret in his gaze, but you weren’t going to let him feel that way. Not now. Like you had wanted to so many times, you bent to his neck and began peppering kisses on his skin.

“Can I give you a hickey?” you whispered, almost afraid you were still in a dream.

“Just one?” he asked, and even without looking at him you could hear the grin in his voice. After sharing him with so many girls for so long, it almost felt selfish. But you reminded yourself that he wanted you now, after all. He groaned when your teeth grazed his skin and you sucked purple marks onto his neck and shoulder. His restless hands touched all over your boobs and hips, down to your ass where they slid into the back pockets of your pants for a moment. Again, you pressed your crotch against his hips, yearning for any kind of friction. At the same time, your hand wandered along his chest to the hem of his pants. Without looking, you opened his belt and the zipper of his bottoms.

He hissed when you grabbed his clothed dick through his underwear and his fingers dug into your sides. A few times you pumped his already hard shaft through the material. Then he moaned your name and you had never heard anything more perfect. The mere sound of his breathy, husky voice turned you on so much more than you had ever imagined.

“Fuck me, please,” you spoke, kissing him deeply. He hummed a needy yes against your lips and nodded. You climbed off him so you could lie down on the seats. He wriggled out of his pants and then helped you out of your own. When he lay down between your thighs and you felt his weight on top of you, it seemed like he had always belonged right there. It had been a hauntingly long journey, but now that you knew the end of it, you accepted all the sleepless nights you had experienced.

“Hold on,” you said, finding your bag on the floor to reach for the condom inside. He hummed a thank you as he ripped the pack and rolled the rubber over his stiff member. His fingertips teased the inside of your thighs, while he pressed open mouthed kisses onto your neck. A drawn out moan of agreement left your lips and momentarily, your eyes shut in the bliss of anticipation.

“You look so beautiful in the moonlight,” he said. His fingers run through your folds, collecting the wetness. You couldn’t help but whimper at the contact, and maybe also slightly because his words made your heart swell in the most marvelous way possible. Through flattering eyelids, you watched his stupidly handsome features as he curled his fingertips against your clit. All of you wanted more, but you only managed to moan his name in pleasure.

“You ready?” he asked, and you weren’t sure if you brain had even processed the amount of rapture he was causing you – but of course you were. You had been for years.

“Yes,” you said. Just for a moment, he run the tip of his cock through your wet folds. When he finally entered you, you realized you had been holding your breath – now it came out in a relieved sigh. He groaned at the mere sensation of filling you up, and when you opened your eyes to look at him it almost made you dizzy in admiration. Gradually, he thrusted into you, hips fitting against yours like two puzzle pieces finally united.

As he picked up the pace, you moaned in surprise but more in agreement. You felt his hand on yours and linked your fingers. Other men had made you feel good before – but only now you realized how true those statements from women were, when they said that nothing was like sleeping with the one you were in love with. The mixture of pleasure and the way you mooned over his whole being was a lot to take in. But it would never be too much. He was perfect for you. When you threw your head back you spotted the full moon and the brightest stars in the sky, trying to outshine each other.

He hit a spot inside of you that made you arch your back off the seats. Tightly, you shut your eyes and squeezed his hand.

“Oh my- You feel so good,” you moaned. When you felt the tip of his nose brush against yours, you opened your eyes. They met his galaxy eyes, and his mouth was parted slightly. You could barely breathe at the way he looked at you. When would anyone else ever see you in this way? It didn’t matter, you only wanted him either way.

He reached for the back of your thigh, lifting your leg slightly. The different angle felt even better, making you whimper and grab the hair at the nape of his neck, desperate for somewhere to hold on to. He groaned when you pulled his hair a little, and you smirked. You could barely wait to find out all the other things he liked and wanted to do to you in the future. But for now, you weren’t in a rush. It had been a long time since you had felt so at peace and full of happiness. Time was nonexistent right then. All you knew were his soft lips on your jaw and the way his perfect cock was making you see a blur of stars in front of your eyelids.

“I’m gonna- come,” you whimpered.

“Hmm…me too,” he groaned. “Let go for me, baby.”

His hand came in contact with your clit, feverishly rubbing the sensitive nub. The nickname he had called you would have made your cheeks heat up, had they not already been that way from the intensity of your emotions. Your stomach tightened and you only wanted to pull him closer to you.

He reached his high shortly before you did. A few curses fell off his lips as you felt him twitch inside of you, hips moving in sharp thrusts. Even if you had wanted to look at him, it was impossible for you to keep your eyes open, as his fingers still worked their magic on you. His last thrusts were hard and short, but they sent you over the edge too. Just as he pulled out, you met your climax. It was like falling but knowing there was a pair of gentle arms right there to catch you, so you didn’t have to be scared. You moaned his name, and this time he was actually here to hear it. Your chest pressed against his, foreheads touching, your legs tightened around his waist from sensitivity. After slowing down, he removed his fingers from your center completely.

Together, you lay in silence trying to catch your breaths and clear your heads. You scooted over a little, so he could balance his body on his side next to you. Light as a feather, his fingers brushed over your lips, before he bent down and kissed you again. This time it was a long kiss, with less need but even more passion. For what felt like the hundredth time, you questioned reality. Almost as if to check if it really was him, you stroked over his cheek and gazed up at him. But he was right there. Your best friend. Now more than your best friend. Through the opened crack of the car window you made out the crashing waves that caressed the cliffs underneath you two. Mingled with your song playing from the car’s speakers, the mysterious noise seemed to pick you up and tell you “Look at what you’ve been through, only one last time, then put it behind you. You’re where you’re supposed to be, now.”

[bookofmirth]

Why do a lot of people think the Book will be Gwynriel but there will be Elriel sex scenes?

Like it doesn't really profile Sarah, she could have done it in Tower of Dawn and didn't.

And other than Az and Elain drifted further apart after the extra, it makes no sense for Sarah to insist on it for three pages later to separate.

And I don't think Elain is a girl who would react well to sleeping with the guy and the next day seeing him break up and hooking up with someone else, even if she even agrees with the breakup.

There's no reason for Sarah to insist on something unnecessary and that can get in the way a little, the people believe in Elucien in a future book.

If in an almost kiss, the people already scream True Love.

And apart from that, they are giving importance to something that only has about 2 years of looks and touches and nothing else.

The important thing is the 500 years of Mor with Az.

In fact, there's little to link Elain to the plot if she's Gwynriel.

And if Elain shows up it will be more in the part that belongs to her, and I think things related to Vassa, Lucien and Autumn.

I wish Elain appears without being in the focus of romance.

This is true... Chaol and Nesryn never had on-page sex (I've never successfully reread ToD so I didn't remember but @eyllweambassador helped me out). It would have been just as awkward as their conversations, so thank goodness for that.

I know that I said not long after acosf that I wouldn't be surprised if Elain and Az hooked up and then moved on, but I have since firmly changed my mind. That was before I realized how much time had actually passed between Solstice and the end of the book (3-4 months) and went back to review the fact that they didn't interact at all in the book outside of his POV, even after they almost kissed. You're right, it wouldn't make sense for them to almost kiss, then ignore each other for months, and then? Decide to hook up?

The important thing is the 500 years of Mor with Az.

THANK YOU. This is why I started shoving Mor into every discussion about Az lol, his friendship with and feelings for her are way, WAY (way) more important than that one time he almost kissed Elain. Even though we know 100% that Az and Mor are never going to be a couple, his feelings for her and the way they have interacted for 500 years, that's probably the second most significant "event" in his life, after his upbringing and issues with his family. I would toss the whole book in the trash if he has to "deal" with Elain but then the whole Mor thing is ignored. Good thing that will never happen.

It would be fantastic if we get more of Elain in the next book, either way. I am so tired of the fandom either acting like she's a saint or a villain when she's neither. Maybe some more canon material with her in it will help. But yeah, I don't think it would be because of Az that she shows up. Since, ya know, she has an entire life that has nothing to do with him.

[hungryslothwrites]

incorrect quotes tag game

Tagged by @thepixiediaries (as well as @moonscribbler!), thank ye kindly.

rules: use this quote generator & list as many quotes as you like using characters from your WIPs, then tag as many people as quotes you listed.

This was fun! I will be using characters mostly from my current, un-intro'd WIP.

Tagging @worldstogetlostin @druidx @writing-is-a-martial-art @thatprolificauthor @shineywrites, anyone who wants to do this.

Kitkat: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Isaiah : When life gives you lemonades, make lemons! Life will be all like "whaAttT?"  Kitkat: Life lessons that schools can't teach you.

Kitkat : This is a very powerful artifact. You’d be messing with some forces we don’t fully understand.  Pearl: That sounds like a dare to me.  Kitkat : Oh my god.

Isaiah : The Ocean is a soup.  Kitkat:  Kitkat: Do elaborate.  Isaiah : What are needed for something to be a soup?  Kitkat: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.  Isaiah : *Tilts head*  Kitkat: The Ocean is a Soup.  Isaiah : The Ocean is a Soup.

Isaiah : Kitkat, how could you possibly have gotten into this much trouble in one day?  Kitkat: It... It didn't take me the whole day...

Kitkat: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*  Kitkat: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Isaiah: Don't quote me on this, but I believe murder is illegal!

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-  Ashley: No returns.  Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

Mar, after getting a library card: Now I know what true power feels like.

Ashley, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVER'S CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Samuel: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

Ed: If karma doesn't kill you, I f***ing will.

Ed: What has the galaxy ever done for you?! Why would you wanna save it?!  Kitkat: Cause I’m one of the idiots who lives in it!

Naomi: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning. Alan: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless!

Samuel: Who hurt you?  Ed: *snorting* What, do you want a list?  Samuel: ...Yes, actually.

Ed: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.  Ed: Ask me to kill for you.  Samuel: ...First of all, calm down-

Pearl: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

Yasmin: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

Samuel: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.  Samuel: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

Alan: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?!  Naomi: ...  Alan: Oh, right. The lying.

*Isaiah is crying after a breakup*  Kitkat: There there, Isaiah.  Isaiah, still crying: Thanks, but how did you get into my room?  Kitkat: Great question—

Yasmin: You disgust me.  Kitkat: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care.

Kitkat: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship.  Yasmin: We’re not friends.  Kitkat, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

Kitkat: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.  Ashley: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.  Kitkat: Th-that's not how that works-

Pearl: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Pearl lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

[taetaespeaches]

“It’s everything to lose.”

taehyung x reader/oc  (but also jimin x platonic reader/oc) genre: angst word count: 6K

a/n: well, this was a process to write lol. Basically, Peaches/reader and Tae are experiencing a mix of feelings due to their best friends’ (Jimin and Dear) break up. Fears of a possible relationship with each other are worsened, plus, Tae and Peaches are just sad because their closest friends are sad. Also, Peaches finally talks to Jimin for the first time after he broke up with Dear, so that’s a big part of this as well. And we get a brief moment between Peaches and Dear, our ride or die duo. Ok, that’s really it. I hope you all enjoy, and thanks so much for reading! :))

Grasping the back of your neck, you massaged your muscles as you yawned, your eyes set on the coffee percolating into the pot. You loved your best friend, and of course you wanted to be there for her, but her post-break up antics were beginning to wear on you as you failed to get accustomed to running on five or less hours of sleep night after night.

Leaning over the countertop, you looked through your most recent texts with your other best friend, Taehyung. The conversation, which started with him bragging about an amazing waffle he had just eaten, had turned a bit sour as you both defended opposing friends in their recent breakup.

It was hard to find common ground with the man these days, as he was on tour with the antagonist of your friends’ little drama, and you were in a constant state of being the shoulder to cry on for the dear protagonist. A sigh slipped from your lips as you scanned through the messages, the grumbling of the coffee pot sounding in the otherwise silent apartment.

You: He dumped her through text while he was away on tour. That’s fucking ridiculous and it’s cowardly.

Tae: You don’t know what’s going through his mind though.

You: There’s obviously not much going through his mind.

Tae: He’s your friend too.

You: And he broke my best friend’s heart.

Tae: I know that. I’m sorry, I hate this whole situation.

You: Me too. I’m sorry and I hate it too.

Tae: Is she at your place again?

You: No, I’m sure she will be but right now she’s out drinking with those stupid friends she has.

Tae: Oh….

You: Yeah. I’m anxious as fuck. I wanted to keep her from going out but you know, I can’t do that. She has to do what she’s gonna do.

Tae: I’m sorry to add to your stress.

Tae: She’ll be ok, Peaches.

You: No, it’s ok, you could never truly add to my stress. You’re my comfort, Tae, you know that.

Tae: I’m sorry you’re caught in the middle like this.

You: I’m sorry you are too. I’m gonna try to get some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, have a good night, Dearest.

Tae: Sweet dreams, Peaches.

Craving for two seconds away from the ongoing story of your friends’ turbulent romance, you scrolled up on your text conversation with Tae, a faint smile appearing on your lips at the photo of a waffle the size of the plate it sat upon, followed by a photo of Taehyung shoving a massive bite into his mouth.

Tae: It’s definitely big enough for the both of us but since you’re not here I guess I’ll have to manage it alone.

Tae: I miss sharing breakfast foods with you.

Tae: Never mind, this is so good, I’m glad you’re not here to eat it all.

Your brief moment of relief was broken when your screen changed to display a caller you were not prepared to speak to. Guilt and anxiety settled into your stomach as your breathing hitched slightly at the image of his name and photo. The contact ID reminded you of simpler times, the man pulling a silly expression with his chin tucked into his neck to give himself two of them. He had called you a few times the past couple days, but you’d consistently ignored them, trying to avoid hearing the voice of the man you considered one of your closest friends.

You almost didn’t answer again. Looking to the room your best friend slept in, a serious hangover awaiting her on the other side of slumber, your thumb pressed on the green circular button on the right side of the screen.  

Pausing a moment, you shook your head before raising the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” You answered, your voice hushed as to not wake up the girl a few rooms away. A rush of air sounded through the phone, as if the man was sighing in relief, but that was the only response you received. “Jimin,” you sighed.

“Hey,” he spoke quietly, defeat coating his tone. He must not have had the strength to pretend to be ok.  

Another awkward pause ensued, both of you waiting for the other to break the silence first. With another sigh, you stood up straight, turning your back to the counter as you leaned against it. “Can you say something?” You asked.

“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted lamely, you licking your lips which became quite dry suddenly.  

“You called me,” you pointed out, annoyance in your words that wasn’t intentional but was true to your current mood. “You’ve been calling me for days, but you don’t know what to say?”

“I didn’t think you’d answer,” he said shakily, and you were sure there were tears bubbling up in his eyes.

Hearing the sadness in his tone, you chewed on your bottom lip, trying to conceal your own emotions in response to his tone. You weren’t sure your feelings even mattered right then. “Well I answered,” you told him, in a sort of assurance. Assurance of what, neither of you were sure, but it allowed Jimin a small sigh of relief.

“Thank you,” the man whispered, causing you to clench your teeth to hold back your pity and consideration for him as you turned back around to the coffee machine.

“Don’t thank me,” you told him, a slight anger behind your tone. “What do you want to say? I have errands I need to run.”  

As Jimin prepared his words, going through his mind to figure out exactly why he was calling you, you patiently waited, halting your movements as your hand sat on the handle of the coffee pot. You knew he needed time to gather his thoughts, and though you were angry with him, you cared for him enough to give him that. “I just miss you,” he admitted, a crack in his voice indicating the earnest admission.

Taking in a shaky breath, you let it out in a wobbly exhale. “Of course I miss you too,” you said honestly. You refused to lie to him about that. “But I don’t want to talk to you, Jimin.”

His words tumbled out of him bitterly, but it was shrouded in frustration, which you believed to be with himself. “You were my friend first,” he said, uncertain whether he regretted the comment or not.

“I’m still your friend,” you told him adamantly, though your voice was still quiet.  

“Then please talk to me,” he begged, almost desperate for the affection you normally showed him. Well, that you showed him before he broke your best friend’s heart.

“I can’t,” you told him trying to sound stern, but your exhausted state ruining your feeble attempt to put up a front.

A sniffle sounded through the phone, adding to the heaviness in your heart. “Why not?”

Holding the phone to your ear with one hand, you moved your other from the coffee pot to the top of your head as you scratched your roots in frustration and distress. “I can’t risk saying something awful to you,” you confessed through an unsteady voice. And that was it. You were angry with him, but you didn’t want to hurt him. “I love you, you’re one of my favorite people on this entire planet, Jimin,” you cried, your sniffling giving away your emotion to the man on the other side of the phone.

“I’m sorry,” he told you in a rush as you wiped away a tear.

“I see her every day,” you told Jimin in a whisper, ensuring your voice was too low for your friend to hear you if she suddenly awoke. However, you were sure the quietness of your voice was giving away that the woman he still loved was just feet away from you; just feet away from the conversation currently taking place, asleep in your spare bedroom. “I’m so mad at you, Jimin, god I’m mad at you,” your voice suddenly broke, no longer able to hold back the pent-up emotions. If Jimin’s thoughts had strayed to the girl nearby, the sound of your distressed voice surely brought him back to the present conversation; the present state of your friendship. “I need to process all of this before I talk to you because I love you and I can’t say something I’ll regret or something I don’t mean,” you explained as tears spilled over your lash line.

“I understand,” he said roughly, clearing his voice right after as if he was trying to pull himself together for your sake.

“I just-” You paused, holding your breath as you attempted to swallow more tears. “I need time so I can forgive you,” you told him sadly, clenching your fist together as you tried to steady your breathing. “I’m sorry,” you told him, your voice just above a whisper.

“Please don’t apologize,” he begged, choking back a sob. “I get it, take your time,” he assured you. “I’m really sorry for doing this,” he admitted sadly. The man sounded regretful and broken, your pity for him swirling around in the whirlwind of emotions you were currently experiencing. “All of it.”

You knew that was true. You knew he still loved her. And you knew he felt immense guilt for what he did to her, you, Taehyung, your whole friend unit, but mostly her. That much was obvious.  

“I do miss you,” you assured him through a small whimper, choosing to give him the reassurance rather than responding to his apology. “I won’t be mad forever.”

“I miss you too,” he told you sorrowfully. “I’ll be here whenever your feelings change.”

With that, you ended the call, leaving Jimin alone in his hotel room. Setting the phone to the counter, you wiped your face once more before grabbing the handle of the coffee pot, pouring some into the mug you had taken out earlier.

Thinking upon your conversation with Jimin, you wanted nothing more than to scream at him; tell him what an idiot he was. But you also wanted to wrap him up in a hug and tell him that he would be ok. You were my friend first. You scoffed, thinking of his remark, though a tear slid down your cheek. You wanted to be there for your friend, but how could you be when your other friend was just down the hallway, passed out after a night of trying to numb her heartache through the use of alcohol? He caused that pain. You were right to be mad at him… weren’t you?

It was almost astonishing how things, seemingly meant to be, could fall apart right before your eyes. Things weren’t always easy for Jimin and your friend, but they loved each other. One would think that love would be enough to get them through. But maybe love isn’t enough. Maybe fate isn’t enough.

Fate. Soulmates. They’re interesting concepts. Souls destined to find each other. But the rhetoric surrounding these notions don’t suggest that you’ll end up together.

But maybe if Jimin and your friend could see past everything that went wrong, they would find something worth fighting for still. It wasn’t simple, but it could be simpler for them.  

Something also simple but not simple at all was you and Taehyung. More and more recently, you had been realizing how much you love him. Maybe you both were meant to be together too. Tied together by the fate of your souls. But seeing how things can fall apart, perhaps it’s more risk than it’s worth. Wasn’t it better to have Tae in your life in the role of your best friend than it was to complicate things and lose him? You couldn’t lose him. You wouldn’t let yourself.

You sniveled as you brought the coffee to your lips, making an attempt at a deep breath before taking a sip. Your emotions needed to be locked down by the time your friend awoke. However, that concern came too late as two arms wrapped around your middle, the surprise affection causing you to jump in start.

The presence of her limbs were tentative as he she carefully rested the side of her face against your back. Breathing out in a huff, you relaxed a bit. “Jesus,” you spoke softly, but your friend gave you no response. Alarm bells went off in your head as her body trembled just slightly against yours. “You ok?” You asked, setting the mug down carefully.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed against you, and as your mind went into high alert, your heart plummeted into your gut. Immediately, you turned in her arms, wrapping your own around the back of her head, holding her impossibly close to you. Sorry?

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” you assured her, leaving a kiss to the side of her head on the top of her hair. “Absolutely nothing.”

“My behavior last night could use an apology,” she admitted, causing you to smile slightly though she couldn’t see it with her face buried against your neck.

“Well, maybe that,” you teasingly agreed, thinking back to the few hours earlier in which you had to drive to the club she was at because she had broken down on the dance floor. All anger, if there was any to begin with, however, had completely dissolved when you pulled up outside the establishment to find her sitting against the wall in the cold, mascara stains down her cheeks as she sobbed about how much her heart hurt. “But are you even apologizing for that?” You asked her, realizing she must have heard you on the phone with her ex.

“Partially,” she cried harder. She knew the strain the breakup had put on all four of you, and though it wasn’t her fault, she still felt guilty. You knew she did. Her heart was too soft for her to not take some sort of blame.

Allowing her to cry in your arms, you moved your hand to the back of her head as you tried to make her feel safe. “You’re gonna be ok,” you whispered to her repeatedly in a gentle tone.

After a few moments, she pulled away to look at you, your thumbs moving to her cheeks to wipe the tears away, though more continued to fall, quickly replacing them.

“How is he?” She suddenly asked you, her lip trembling as she held back a sob.

Scanning her features carefully, you debated your answer. If you told her he was ok, it would make her feel pitiful for not being ok, plus it would be a lie. If you told her he wasn’t ok, it could possibly hurt her even more. Locking your eyes on her pleading ones, you sighed. “About as good as you,” you told her simply, holding back your own tears as she broke down, your arms wrapping around her shoulders to bring her close once again.

Placing a hand back against her head, you held her to you tightly. “Why does that make me feel worse?” She asked against your shoulder, her voice muffled from your sweatshirt.

“Oh babe,” you spoke softly near her ear, a tear slipping from the inner corner of your eye. “Because you still love him.”

You weren’t sure if you should have said that, but it was true. And maybe if she heard it from you, she would face those feelings. As she cried against you, your mind raced over everything that had happened that morning already. Everyone was so broken, and suddenly your mind found its way to Taehyung. Because he was the only one you wanted to talk to in that moment. He was your comfort.

But what if you didn’t have him anymore? Two people as meant to be as Jimin and the girl in your arms couldn’t even make it work. Add in your fickleness in love, and where did that leave your odds at success with Tae? You refused to break him, and you couldn’t lose him. You just couldn’t.

Hauling your groceries through your apartment, your phone started ringing in your pocket. Rushing to the kitchen, you set the bags on the floor before grabbing the device, finding Tae on the other side of the video call.

Accepting it, you waited for his face to appear on the screen before greeting him. “Hi,” you answered in a huff, Tae immediately chuckling at your hectic state.

“Hey,” he greeted, “Are you busy?”

“No,” you shook your head, dropping the phone to the counter just after speaking the word, causing the man to giggle further. “Just got home from grocery shopping,” you told him as you discarded your bag off your shoulder and onto the countertop. Taehyung hummed in response just as you propped the phone up against the side of your bag, situating it so he could see you as you stood in your kitchen.

“Did you get anything fun?” He asked, as you scanned the bags on the floor.

“Um,” you cut yourself off with a yawn, “I got those cookies you like,” you spoke through your exhale, looking at him through the screen to take in his appearance. “You look handsome,” you told him, the man smiling slightly at you as you stared at his still damp hair atop his head, giving away that he had showered recently.

“You tired?” He asked suddenly, being met with your groan as you stared down at the groceries without moving. “What happened last night?”

“Well, she went out with those friends and of course it was too soon for her to be out partying and I had to pick her up at 2 am outside of the club because she had a break down,” you ranted to him as you knelt down to begin taking items out of the grocery bags.

“Jesus,” he sighed, your eyebrows raising at his response.

“What?” You questioned defensively, piling items onto the floor as you emptied all the bags.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” he tried to evade your anger. “I’m assuming she’s not there right now?”

“No, she went back to her place for a bit,” you told him. “What was with the judgmental tone just now?” You pressed.

Looking up at the phone, you watched as shook his hair out with his hand. “It’s just, that’s not really fair to you, is it?”

Scoffing at him, you stood, not bothering to look at the phone as you brought some juice and a few other items to the refrigerator.

“I just mean, you deserve some rest,” he added. “A break maybe.”  

“Well I don’t get a break because your best friend broke up with mine and she’s devastated,” you said coldly, shutting the fridge door and turning back to face the device.

“He’s your friend too,” he reminded you, his eyebrows raised, causing you roll your eyes.

“I know that,” you said in annoyance. “But you don’t see what she’s going through every day,” you pointed out, feeling protective over your friend and her broken heart.

Reaching to grab a box of crackers off the floor, you headed toward the cupboard as Taehyung told you, “You really should talk to him.”

Letting out a dry laugh, you nodded to yourself. “Tae, she’s my best friend,” you reminded him once more.

“I get that, but he’s your friend too,” he repeated, causing you to sigh. “He’s going through stuff too,” he added. You wanted to scoff, but if you were being honest with yourself, your anger towards Jimin had diminished significantly since speaking to him briefly that morning.

“Well,” you thought out loud, facing the man once more. Folding your arms over your ribcage, you shrugged. “I’m sure he is but he did this,” you said, trying to remain firm in your coldness.

You were met with the sound of Taehyung breathing out slowly as his eyes stayed locked on you. “That’s not really fair, he’s hurting too,” Taehyung defended his friend.

“I love Jimin,” you clarified. “But I don’t have time to think about him when she’s at my place all the time because she can’t handle being alone in her own apartment for a single night,” you told him, staring at him as you waited for him to respond. Taehyung ran his tongue over his bottom lip as you sighed. “I know Jimin is hurting, but she is too. And it’s bad, Tae,” you told him sadly.

Taehyung sighed as you stared at him through the phone, waiting for his next words. “I know, I don’t mean to be insensitive to her. I know he hurt her, I get that. I’m just here with him and he’s a fucking mess,” Tae huffed. “I don’t know what to do,” he admitted sadly, giving you a defeated shrug.

Stepping closer to the phone, you shook your head slowly. “I don’t either,” you admitted. You both sat in silence for a moment, watching each other through opposite sides of the phone, your remaining groceries still waiting on the floor.

Taehyung was the first to break the silence, asking, “What are you thinking?”

Sighing, you ran your hands over your face. “I don’t even know, I’m just-” you stopped yourself, not sure if you should speak your next words; because of the implication to you and Tae.

“What is it?” He pressed, resituating himself on the bed as he sat laid across a pillow, his head supported by his hand. “Peaches,” he said gently, causing you to relent.

“Maybe they shouldn’t have ever gone from friends to more,” you thought aloud, Tae’s silence feeling heavy on your heart as he tried his best to keep his face from giving away any emotion.

“You think?” He asked simply, his feigned indifference covering up the hurt you knew was there.

“It’s just a hard leap to make,” you explained, leaning against the counter on your elbows, holding your chin in your hands. “If it doesn’t work, this is where it leaves you.” Your eyes were glued to the phone as you watched him carefully. Suddenly, you felt angry at these fucking phone companies who couldn’t make a better camera or give you a better connection to be able to read the emotions flashing through his eyes and features more closely.

“Sometimes it works though,” he told you quietly, his voice nearly shaking, almost as if he was meekly defending himself.

A lump formed in your throat that you didn’t believe you’d be able to ever swallow, knowing you were the cause of the sadness he was feeling. “But if it doesn’t, that’s a lot to lose,” you argued, your voice faint as the emotions sat in your vocal chords.

“But it can work,” he said a bit louder than his last comment, his voice more assured as he licked his lips.

“Tae,” you sighed, cocking your head to the side just slightly. You both knew you were no longer talking about your friends’ experience with moving from friends to lovers. There had never been any confirmation from either you or Taehyung, but sometimes it seemed as though there was an unspoken understanding of how you both thought of each other.

“Look at Jin,” Taehyung countered, pointing to the fact that Jin and his old friend had successfully added romance to their relationship over a year earlier. “They’re doing really well, they’re happy.”

“Tae,” you called out to him gently, attempting to swallow as your eyes shined with emotion. When he responded with his silence, his sad eyes scanning over your features carefully, you chewed on your bottom lip as you attempted to hold in your emotion. “It’s a lot to lose,” you whispered, holding his gaze. “It’s everything to lose,” you added, blinking a few times as Taehyung looked down to the bed and began picking at the comforter. A few seconds of silence went by and you didn’t realize you were holding your breath until you suddenly exhaled, feeling breathless and tired. “Dearest,” you addressed him softly.

“No, you’re right,” he said half-heartedly, keeping his eyes directed downward. “It is everything to lose,” he agreed with a small nod, looking up to you.

“Everything, Tae,” you emphasized, hoping he would recognize that he was everything to you.

“You really should talk to Jimin,” he changed the topic, his tone stronger as he seemed to easily move on from your unspoken confessions. Inhaling deeply, you nodded slowly, standing up straight before moving back to the groceries. Trying to shake yourself out of the conversation that just took place, you spotted the cookies sitting on the floor.

“I’ll think about it,” you replied before reaching for the package. “I’m not gonna save you any of these,” you teased, holding them up for him to see as his lips spread into a mildly amused grin.

“Well I didn’t save you any of the waffle so it’s only fair,” he played along, both of you pushing aside the tension between you both once more.

You would think about talking to Jimin, you meant that. But it would be hard to think of anything but Taehyung.  

With your thumb hovering over the call button, you sighed deeply as you tried to muster up some courage. Lowering your digit to the phone screen before you could change your mind, you nervously raised the device to your ear.

The rings were deafeningly loud as you awaited the answer, running your hand through your hair and chewing on your bottom lip; nervous gestures.

“Hey,” Jimin greeted suddenly, his voice appearing breathless as if he rushed to the phone.

“Why’d you do it?” You asked him, skipping greetings and pleasantries. A moment of silence encased the phone call before Jimin sighed.

“I don’t even fucking know anymore,” he said, a sob following the words as if he had been sitting on the edge of a break down for days; weeks. The confusion and heartbreak in his tone shattered your heart, filling you with guilt for evading his calls and texts for so long. “I don’t know if there was even a valid reason and I regret it so much.”

“I don’t understand what happened,” you admitted, thinking back upon their relationship and what they had revealed to you.

“Me either,” he barely spoke through his cracked voice. “I don’t know, it’s like, as secure as we made each other feel, it was like we could never fully rid ourselves of our own insecurities,” he explained through his cries. “I fucked up, didn’t I?” He asked as he held back tears.

“Oh Jimin,” you sighed, realizing what drove them apart. And suddenly, you had the urge to wrap them both up in hugs because in an instant, there was nowhere to place the blame you were previously placing on Jimin. It was both their faults, and also no one’s fault. Jimin had made the wrong move, your best friend didn’t make enough moves, and yet they were both just victims to their own intrusive perceptions of themselves.

“Our own shit just got in the way and-” he let out a harsh breath. “When I sent the text I immediately regretted it and I was just trying to convince myself that it was for the best,” he sniffled. “And I was about to take it all back and beg for forgiveness, fuck, I was thinking about leaving tour and coming back to her so we could fix whatever the fuck was causing all of this shit between us,” he paused as his cries took over.

“Why didn’t you take it all back?” You asked him.

You collected up the patience as you gave him time the time to think back on the breakup. “All of a sudden, she just stopped fighting,” he said sadly. “We were always fighting for each other, and she finally stopped. And I don’t know, I think it kind of cemented the idea that I did the right thing. It hurt, and it felt wrong, but she accepted the breakup and gave up.”

“Fuck, Jimin,” you held back your tears at the defeat in his voice. “She didn’t stop fighting for you, she just didn’t have enough fight left in her to take on your insecurities any longer,” you told him.  

“What’s even the difference?” He asked. “Whether she stopped fighting willfully, or whether I took the fight out of her,” he scoffed, “I became too much for her.”

“I don’t think you could ever be too much for her,” you assured him. “Look, do you want me to speak to you compassionately or truthfully?” You asked, the question being met with a dry laugh.

“You’re always compassionate, but I want the truth,” he told you, you nodding though he couldn’t see it.

“You fucked up,” you told him, “but also I don’t think this is entirely your fault,” you quickly added. With a sigh, you thought out loud. “How do I word this?” you pondered. “You two are two of the most incredible people I’ve ever known and yet, you guys can’t fucking see it.”

Jimin scoffed, making you roll your eyes. “I said I was speaking truthfully, so just listen to me and try to actually hear what I’m saying for once,” you told him, the man agreeing to listen by giving you his silence. “You see how incredible she is and that makes you insecure because you don’t see yourself living up to what she deserves. And it’s the same for her, she doesn’t think she can be what you need and what you want, despite you assuring her constantly that she’s everything to you. And that holds you both back from being exactly what the other person wants,” you paused for a moment, letting the words permeate Jimin’s brain. “If you two could just be who you are and give each other that version of yourselves, you wouldn’t be in this situation,” you explained to him. “She fell in love with you, she just wants you.”

“Fuck,” he sobbed, the pained understanding echoing in his single expression. “But I fucked it up, I hurt her and I don’t think we can fix it this time.”

“I truly do not understand how you can be so wrong about this all the fucking time,” you groaned. “She is in love with you,” you told him, enunciating the words carefully. “You hurt her, and you hurt her bad, but she hasn’t given up on you,” you told him. “Whether she admits it or not, she’s waiting for you to fix it,” you informed the man. “So fucking fix it. Stop holding yourself back and just be happy, Jimin.”

“I don’t know if-”

“Be happy,” you interrupted him. “Stop being so idiotic and just fight for your happiness. Fight for hers,” you begged him, frustration over both of your friends’ moronic actions getting the best of your patience. “You both deserve each other because you’re both the best,” you went on, trying to convey to the man how strongly you felt he and the girl you both adored belonged with each other.

“She still loves me?” He asked, being met with another one of your groans. “Sorry, I just, she does?”

“Do you still love her?” You asked, knowing the answer but wanting him to speak it out loud so maybe he could truly hear it.

“With all of me,” he admitted sadly, a sniffle following the words, allowing you to visualize the tears running down his cheeks in that moment.  

“Do you really think that’s one sided?” You asked him.  

“I really don’t know,” he admitted, a small sigh leaving your lips.  

“It’s so simple but you guys make it so complicated,” you complained, the man giving you the slightest chuckle in the form of a single exhale. “You both lost the fight, but you didn’t lose the fight for each other, you lost it to yourselves. Does that make sense?” You asked.

“I think so?” He said, thought it came out as a question.

“You guys were defeated by your own insecurities. It’s not like you chose to give up on her, just like she didn’t choose to give up on you. You both just feel hopeless right now, that’s-”

“It’s not hopeless?” He asked, and despite the negative comment, there was a renewed optimism in his tone that lifted your lips into a faint smile.

“No,” you shook your head. “It’s not hopeless.” You both sat in silence, nothing but your breaths sounding into the phone receivers. “I’ll talk to her,” you assured him. “If I get any sense that she doesn’t want you anymore, I’ll let you know and I’ll be full of apologies and you can hate me forever,” you told him.

“I could never hate you,” he scoffed.

“But if I’m right, which I know I am, Jimin, I know it,” you assured him, “then you need to find that hope and bring it back to her.”

With a sigh, Jimin agreed with a simple, “ok.”

“Ok,” you replied. “Fix it.”

“I hope I can,” he spoke softly, his voice still sad, but much less defeated than the start of the conversation.

“Hope is enough right now,” you told him.

“Thank you for finally talking to me,” he said, a hint of a smile evident in his voice.

“Thank Tae,” you corrected. “He talked me into it.”

“He really is the only one who can cut through your stubbornness, huh?” He asked teasingly, you chuckling lightly in response.

“I guess he is,” you agreed.

“Speaking of simple but making it complicated though,” Jimin noted, drawing upon your earlier words, and reflecting them back on you and your relationship with Taehyung.

“Tae and I aren’t complicated,” you negated Jimin’s observation, only to be met with a disbelieving laugh. “We aren’t,” you remained firm. “I know it seems complicated but, when it comes down to it, it’s the simplest thing ever.”

“Ok, break it down for me then,” Jimin asked for your elaboration. “How is it simple?”

“Because at the end of the day, we just love each other. So much so, that we’ll do anything to keep one another in each other’s lives,” you explained. “And that makes my relationship the simplest, easiest relationship I’ve ever had.”

Jimin hummed in return, thinking over your words. “That does sound simple, I guess,” he agreed. “But are you happy?”

You paused for a moment, surprised by the question. Were you? Were you fulfilled with Tae’s role in your life as you went and dated other people, finishing each escapade craving for more, anxious for the night to be over so you could call Taehyung and hear his voice as he expressed whatever was on his mind? The truth was, no one was or ever would be Taehyung. No matter how great they were, no matter how smart, kind, funny, genuine they were, they would never be him. But Taehyung was in your life, and maybe that was enough. So, were you happy? Turns out that’s the most complicated question you could have been asked.

“This isn’t about me,” you told Jimin with a small smile.

“Hey,” he said gently. “Are you happy?”

“I’m not unhappy,” you said assuredly. That was true, for sure.

“But is that happy?” Jimin pressed, causing you to sigh in annoyance.

“It’s happy enough,” you told him. “But one of us has to be happy, right?” You turned it back on him.

Jimin breathed out your name, but you dismissed him. “This is about you right now,” you told him. “If you fix things on your end, then we can entertain a discussion about my happiness, ok?” You asked him, though it wasn’t really a topic up for debate which he understood.

“Deal,” he agreed with a light chuckle.

Happiness, you thought. What was it? You were sure it was different for everyone. Just as you were sure it comes from many different sources. For you, though, your main source of happiness was seeing Taehyung smile. His happiness mattered most in terms of your relationship. And if he was happy being your friend and having you as his, then you were happy. Happy enough.

If he wasn’t happy… well, something would have to be done about that.