#nothing left over for thoughts
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It's so hard being a teen.
Laid out one of Susan Salo's jump grids and we sure had a session. Zaku could either do the three short jumps OR he could do the final tall jump, but not both. Never jumped it the same way twice; legs everywhere. Physically and mentally incapable of it.
Texted my trainer like "here is what we did, here is what went wrong, here is what I tried to fix it and why it didn't work". She told me to let it sit for a few weeks then try again. He's just not strong enough for that kind of collection right now.
Poor Bub's brains are still sloshing around in his skull, so it's still a big waiting game before we can progress in a lot of our training. He did try very hard, though, and we had a fun time playing with his Jolly Bally in between attempts.
#zaku terv#my training#he was thinking So Hard#I could hear his brain whirring as he knocked the bars#all his CPU is bogged down by Growth and Testosterone right now#nothing left over for thoughts
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getting emotional over footage of an amateur scuba diver interacting with a coelacanth. they are hunted by large deepwater predators, and here comes a large creature bearing the brightest lights it's ever seen, making strange noises, but it does not shy away. it hovers, calmly, as the diver reaches out and trails a hand down its back. im strongly against the anthropomorphizing of real life animals but the stupid emotional part of me loudly insists this is because it recognizes us, the alternating movements of its four paired limbs matching the diver's four paired limbs, & it is thinking, "hello, cousins, we missed you these 66 million years, it's so good to see you again. welcome back, welcome home."
#[OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: he should NOT have touched the fish. do NOT touch random fish you find while scuba diving#especially if the fish is 6ft long & has sharp teeth#ESPECIALLY if the fish is a critically endangered species#being overwhelmed by the majesty of the coelcanth is understandable but that does not excuse his behavior]#[obligatory disclaimer 2: i know nothing about this guy; by 'amateur' i just mean he wasnt part of a scientific expedition at the time]#[obligatory disclaimer 3: i mean it wasnt CALM. its first dorsal fin was erect which we have reason to believe means it is on edge.#but it didnt flee like you would expect of a wild animal]#...disclaimers over. now im going to wail about how life began in the sea and we left & they stayed#& we thought they were gone & now we're finding our way back home to them#they are so beautiful and they are our family and they love us ok. they do i know it in my heart#coelacanth#Latimeria chalumnae#animals#andy original#ALSO I KNOW THEY HAVE 8 FINS by four paired limbs i mean the pelvic and pectoral the others arent paired they dont move like legs do
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Plz… do you have any yandere clone crumbs (or headcanons even)? I love this trope lmao
YOUR CULT LEADER IS SO GLAD YOU ASKED
[LONG yandere ramblings under the cut!]
THESE ARE ALL RANDOM STREAMS OF THOUGHTS. THERE'S NO ORDER. ALSO I'M NOT A WRITER SO FORGIVE ANY ERRORS!!!
General
They're all interested in the same type of person for different reasons. So if you catch the interest of one, you'll soon catch the interest of the others.
The clones are also pathological liars like the main body.
They're scrappy unfair fighters.
They'd all have a common trait of imposing themselves into your life. Whether or not you want to see them, they'll always pop up uninvited.
That and being disgustingly clingy to the point you can barely breathe without one of them there to share your air.
Their violence varies, but rest (un)assured that it is always an option for them, yes, even Hantengu.
Even if different, sometimes it really shows that they're a single unit.. sooner or later, your hands will be full with a bunch of annoying, needy, lying, terrible, and problematic assholes.
They're all more intense than the average human. To them, a human life is as insignificant as an ant. They'd kill someone for the hell of it, or if it's an order from Muzan. That view doesn't change much if you're in the picture.
Now it's just a matter of not scaring you too much, hence, Hantengu’s chronic lying problem. They want to be the ones you rely and lean on. to feel comfortable with! Don't mind the blood. It's not like you haven't seen it on them before!
Relax, they truly never want to hurt you!!
Hantengu
Starting off with our man of the hour, Hantengu. He's aligned with delusional and obsessive types of yanderes, one who's too afraid to approach you but watches you from afar nonetheless.
You'd have to make an effort to find him since he'd most likely be shrunk into his tiny form and hidden in some small crevice.
It started off as a simple fascination. You probably made contact with him in his human disguise (accidental or not.) As he cowered, you were pretty decent.
It was a surprising but welcoming change of pace from the usual villains who'd try to harm him, but he still fled from you. He was going to eat you no doubt, but he kept putting it off until he lost his appetite.
He's terrified you might do something to him, that you'll hurt him! but the attention you gave him makes him yearn for your company. He wants to watch you all the time and quite literally, will do just that.
Hantengu's there when you wake up and when you go to bed. He's living somewhere in your home. Always watching.
With the ability to shrink very small and run extremely fast, you'd think you might have rats in your home. Each time you think you hear a snap, the rat traps always end up broken to pieces.
He sends his clones in his stead to test the waters after getting far too worried once you leave his sight. If you don't hurt them, then he'll know you're not so bad! Still won't approach, but a bit more calm when he's "around." or when they invade your life.
Assuming the clones never stray too far from the main body (if they're physically able to or not, doesn't really matter) they never want to leave Hantengu unprotected, which means your home is the main base.
You can move, try running away, get help, or whatever, but it's all futile because Hantengu will hide in your items meaning the others will always end up finding you with him.
it's a rule of thumb for the Hantengus not to mention him for safety reasons and because he's already terrified as is and any unwarranted attention is probably bad... He'd be horrified to be under your gaze for long, which is why he prefers you with your eyes closed.
Hantengu is like your sleep paralysis demon. At the dead of night, he peeks out from wherever he's hiding and watches you.
With demonic speed, any flinch or shuffle from you has him hiding again, but if you awaken and keep your eyes closed, you can hear faint crying and sniffling while you slumber.
If it makes you uncomfortable or ruins your sleep, Hantengu doesn't put two and two together, it can't possibly be him. What a travesty..!
It'd be difficult to try and make contact since he's always watching from the sidelines or cowering and hiding away, but it'll get easier eventually when it's drilled into him that you won't be like the people he's met.
He genuinely believes that the world is full of evil villains that may hurt you, so if he sees someone that worries him, the clones will zero in on them.
Hantengu has a dangerously powerful influence on them.. combine that with his victim complex? terrible.
Sometimes all Hantengu needs is a single seed of doubt to be implanted in his mind before he's lying to everyone and deluding himself that you're getting manipulated.
That's when his clones step in, scouting out the place for the possible source of the problem. That or pick off random people one by one before you're back in their arms!
But it's not his fault that you're surrounded by overprotective, suffocating freaks! Trust!!
The upside is if you meet him, he's extremely docile. He doesn't do much aside from cower and weep, begging you not to hurt him. Attempts to hide are futile if you tell him to stay... like a deer caught in headlights. ironic.
One of the others are probably always in the room, if not all of them, making your interactions even more awkward.
Once Hantengu warms up to the idea of having you know about his existence, you'd mostly find him in the pockets of your clothes or in areas where your trinkets would be strewn about.
It’s highly unlikely that he’d be violent in front of you, but that doesn't mean that the others won't be, (for his and your safety they say) Hantengu just cries about things or trembles at most with every sound making him flinch, huddling behind you in some way.
Hantengu often forgets he can go to his full height, usually being the size of your foot or smaller. If he's tiny, you'll see how he's a really harmless and defenseless victim of the world!
Nevermind how you sometimes catch the scent of blood coming from your home, only to find him cowering at the scene of a crime.
Depending on your demeanor, you're either a victim like him so you MUST stick together, or you're his savior.
He feels that safety and contentment when around you, but would rather stay on the side lines than risk anything. It's as if watching you do your daily routine is his stress relief.
It's absolutely awful if you're in danger or out of his line of sight for long. No reports from one of his clones? No most recent update to your whereabouts? No one is with you to inform him!?
Full panic attacks and inconsolable babbling about how you must be dead!! The world is so cruel and awful to him!!!
These types of reactions agitate the others, making them more worried if they're also in the dark. It's possible Hantengu would use Urami to go and find you himself in these rare instances. It'd be a disaster, but at least he'd have peace of mind..
At least you don't have to worry about Hantengu being jealous though. He's pretty tame, too focused on being afraid of everything else. The others handle his jealousy for him so that he doesn't worry.
Sekido
A mixture of highly jealous and possessive type, secretly protective as well! A mean tsundere is what you usually see, if not his common form of verbal abuse if he's too worked up.
The subtle flush on his cheeks takes the edge off his words if it's directed at you even if he blames it on being red in the face with anger because of you or [x] reason.
First impressions were probably that you were extremely annoying and would suggest eating you to the others whenever a situation arose. Thankfully the others prevented that from happening.
Sekido is one out of the two who'd accidentally hurt you. He never means to, but he forgets his own strength. In the beginning, instead of trusting you to follow him, he'd grab your wrist and drag you around with him to wherever he needed to be.
You could run away when he's not looking and cause an unwanted commotion, so it's best to have you on a tight leash leading to bruising sometimes..
Out of all of them, Sekido needed the most time to warm up to you. When he'd realized he'd fallen for you, he'd already be cursing at himself for being so blind to it earlier.
It started off as moments where his irritation calmed then snowballed into a bliss he only knows if he's by your side.
You'd think he genuinely hates your guts at times. The way he gets so angry and harshly insults you can take a toll. If he senses he's cut you deep, he still won't apologize verbally.
Knowing himself, saying anything would only hurt you more, he's too rough with phrasing that it wouldn't sound genuine. How is it his fault that you're so fragile?
Sekido has too much pride, but a lot of it is in constant conflict with his love for you. It's what gets him so frustrated when thinking about it. You make him feel disgustingly mushy inside, and he wants to tear out his heart and tell it to get a grip.
He probably doesn't speak to you for a few days, instead choosing to act while you're not looking to regain favor.
Making food you'd like, inviting you to spend time indoors, buying you small gifts, and even cleaning up around your place. Wordless actions that come off as apologies for his temper that he’ll make SURE won't go unnoticed.
If you confront him, he huffs with his back towards you as if it were nothing but takes credit for it regardless.
Sure, he's the oldest, but Sekido still has his moments of immaturity like the other three. If he had it his way, he'd refuse to let anyone speak to you, almost isolating you, so his acts of service really shine through.
What if someone tries getting your favor by taking advantage of his supposed mistakes? It's extremely insulting that anyone would even dare try! Infuriating even!
The only people he'd allow you to speak with are his clones and main body. But like everything, it depends on his mood or the situation.
Is it REALLY necessary to talk to someone else when Sekido is RIGHT THERE?? No. It's not. Now shut up and eat the sweets he got you.
Sekido doesn't do PDA, but violence will always be on the table, never hesitating if someone gets near you, or looks at you too long.
He says he's the best clone to take when going out, but he’s punched too many bystanders as a warning far too many times... You're lucky if he simply verbally abuses someone until they're crying or humiliated.
You can say the handsome man with the red eyes has grown a reputation in town.
You also gain a reputation as someone who’s EXTREMELY off limits, dangerous even. While Sekido isn't as affectionate or sweet as the others, the things he lets slide when it comes to you make it obvious that you're his favorite person.
“Are you trying to die? Even insects have more survival instincts than you.” and all you did was bump into him. Sekido dusts himself off and gives you a once over, subtly making sure you're okay before he continues with whatever he was doing.
Were it anyone else, he would’ve swung his staff at them for even getting near him.
You're given special treatment because, to Sekido, you ARE special. On rare occasions, he'll even verbalize his fondness for you, even if it's worded as if he were reprimanding.
Just don't be so blind to the hints he's throwing at you and he won't have to beat your face in.. specifically your lips with his lips, very roughly, until you're both bruised and breathless.
When Sekido needs to be away from you for whatever reason, he knows you're okay. He entrusts you to the others in his absence, but his mind starts wandering to how he misses your hands on his..
It's different remembering it and seeing it, if you were there, you could touch him and he could reciprocate. It'd be even better if you were both alone—and now, someone’s interrupting his thoughts.
Frustration bubbles up and he's ready to snap at someone. What could be so damn important!?
If Sekido comes back with blood on his person, just don't ask, he's already annoyed and he's seeking solace with you.
You flip a switch in him. Your warmth, your presence, your voice, it’s like serenity to his vexed soul. He sits comfortably beside you when he has to plan for something.
It helps him think clearly but, he doesn't let go of your wrist..
His grip is unnaturally tight too, so you're stuck there unless you want to risk Sekido getting frustrated again because his personified peace wants to get up and do something, at least, that's what he says.
Even if it holds some truth, when you whittle Sekido down enough, he confesses that, in a weird way, he's constantly worried for you.
You're not as strong as them and he knows this, but it's clear as day when he's calm enough.
Not that he needs to, but Sekido takes the responsibility for not only keeping himself alive, but Hantengu and more importantly you.
If anything were to happen to you, he doesn't know what he'd do. So instead he acts as the most aggressive guard dog ever and keeps any unknown presence as far from you as possible.
Moments of peace with you don't happen often for him, so please stay a while longer? The others will barge in any minute now, so indulge him a little until then?
And don't speak a word about it to anybody or else he’ll destroy your home and everything inside it!
Karaku
Extremely self aware, obsessive type. He knows how to properly court someone, that everything they're doing crosses many lines, but this way is much more entertaining.
You were just another random face in the beginning that he just shrugs and tries to find enjoyment in by tormenting, but as he interacts more with you, he finds it more invigorating than anything else.
He starts going easier on you, opting for just teasing. Dragging you into spending time with him is surprisingly more fun than a battle lately..
Whether you like him back or not isn't even important. As long as you have SOME level of affection for him and don't forget to give him some attention, he's satisfied.
Everything is fun when it comes to you and while he'd IDEALLY like you to reciprocate his feelings and be obsessed with him, he just needs an inch for the mile he'll take!
It's not like he will actively make you hate him, but he'll definitely try coaxing you into things you might not be eager for.
I doubt there's much that can upset him in general, much less if it's you. You're so attractive and entertaining to him, all your reprimands and insults go in one ear and out the other.
He laughs and agrees to whatever you said, brushing it off, then tries nudging you into moving on and doing something that doesn't upset you! Like doing him!
O-or.. if you're not in the mood right now, that's fine. There's a bunch of other fun stuff that you two can do!
With all that, Karaku's still aware that you'd be uncomfortable with him shoving all his affection onto you, getting possessive, and even beating some people up for the hell of it.
But he also knows people can learn to get used to things they can't escape and get desensitized, so he attempts to do just that and ease you into your new life!
He's still affectionate, it's Karaku! He doesn't force you into anything too intimate. Physical touch may be his go-to, but holding you and hugging you is the most he'd do unless he gets hints that he may be allowed to do more.
Out of everyone, he's the most relaxed, which isn't saying much. If you say you're going somewhere he hears we’re going somewhere, but at least you can go near strangers without him hurting anyone.
When spending time with the others, he knows he can just butt in, or do something that'll force your attention on him. Even if people try talking to you, he's not upset, just amused.
Very confident Karaku is.. any attempt someone tries with you is hilarious to him since he knows you're likely to reject them. He only gets slightly miffed if YOU'RE the one coming onto others.
“Oi~ You're really greedy, you have all of me and yet you still want other's attention? ..How about you try convincing me a little and I won't make that much of a fuss, yeah?” as if he's not always trying to hold you in the most PDA way possible…
Karaku loves to show off how he's taken even if it makes you embarrassed. You're cute when flustered anyway so that's just another plus!
When you're gone he's sooo~ bored. It reminds him of that itch he had before he met you where life was too dull and he needed that stimulation only chaos could provide.
Unfortunately, chaos is like a storm, and the clouds dissipate eventually. So what does he do? Create his own storms, of course!
Karaku is a renowned pleasure seeker, sexual or not. Since he met you, the sexual part is reserved, so he's usually seeking fun in terms of mischief, adrenaline rushes, or destruction.
Starting problems on purpose by provoking others to the point of a fight is his favorite especially if he can blow down buildings.
Some dishonorable mentions that aren't fighting are planting gross items into bags, spreading rumors, giving false information, and turning people against one another.
Overall things that would make you regret letting him out of your sight.
Karaku likes to make himself more appealing to you by boasting about small things. It could be the bare minimum, but you wouldn't know if he's exaggerating any tiny details!
Hearing your tastes and interests will have him leaning into that, but he's not going to change himself completely.
He's confident he can worm his way into your heart by being himself.
You should give him praise sometime! He didn't tease Sekido and make him so upset he blew a fuse. And! He didn't toy with anyone’s life before killing them this time! He also only used his uchiwa twice. max. and no buildings collapsed completely..
See? He's not that bad of a guy! You should trust him more, you'll hurt his feelings..!
He's the one who will also flirt with you the most, leaving lingering touches and casually inviting you for some bedroom fun. You could be in the middle of dinner and he'd ask if you're up for it later as if it's a casual thing between you two.
This guy.. he really REALLY likes you touching him.. from his hair to his arms, to his chest, and down his legs, whatever you want is yours. But it also makes him more reserved in a way?
Someone tapping his shoulder gets him a little miffed. It's like someone is touching something of yours. Whatever, getting your hands all over him should fix that right up.
Karaku is an interesting case.. He portrays himself as an open book, but there's so much more than he lets on.
He makes mental notes of things you like and strictly hate, secretly helps balance everyone’s jealousy so you don't get burnt out, always there when you need him most, and is second to tend to you if Aizetsu isn't around.
Serious situations aren't his style, he’ll always try to be playful to lighten the mood, but you can see his ear twitch when he notices something’s wrong.
He's the second oldest after all, so he has the capability to be mature if he wants to.
But being a stick in the mud is Sekido’s job, so he works around it in his own pleasurable way!
There’s times even when he likes to take things slow and enjoy the moment with you around. Pleasure can be relaxation. While he loves being out and about, a nice quiet evening with you can be fun too.. even if he has to push you around a little too make it happen.
He likes how you make him feel whole, like he's not chasing after the unattainable satisfaction that's so close but so far.
Urogi
Intoxicated delusional type... Urogi believes you wouldn't do anything to hurt him on purpose and finds joy in your “shyness.” If you were to reject him or push him away, he laughs very loudly, “reassuring” you.
First impressions were pretty tense. He'd eye you like he's waiting for you to step wrong before feasting. Like those fangs suggest, he's a humanity's predator first and foremost and he wanted to keep it that way.
At least, he thought so until he played with his food too much and got attached.
You later begin to be like a drug to him. He NEEDS you. Whether it be within earshot, field of vision, or (preferably) within arm's reach. If not, he gets super fidgety, nervous, restless. Can't sit still.
Similar to Hantengu except he begins getting impulsive and violent with anything or anyone around the longer you're away.
Usually, he thinks twice about slicing anything with his talons when you're around, he's too happy with your attention and knows you're pretty squishy! But if you're gone, the blood splatters make him feel better!
He misses you! Come back!! There are scratches and tossed furniture everywhere because Urogi attempted to calm himself with things that smell like you. Everything's just a mess, but he at least greets you the second you get home.
Cuddly and excitable! He'd tackle you in a hug and swing you around, or cling to you with his full body until you both tip over. Urogi likes your scent and warmth.
It's comforting, so he's constantly near you and touching you, sometimes fighting with the others cause he wants his turn.
Similar to Sekido, you're like a switch that flips to excited when you make contact of any kind, so it's not uncommon to find him clamoring to sit on your lap or lay his head somewhere on you when he sees you.
Again, like Sekido, Urogi can get jealous to the same levels as him. However, whereas Sekido would be violent and aggressive, Urogi is whiny and clingy.
It's almost funny how he’s the one whose mood shifts the quickest. Even compared to Aizetsu, he's more likely to cry, or compared to Sekido, he'd lash out about something small.
But as his main emotion states, he'll always revert back to his gleeful self.
One second, he's complaining because you've been “ignoring” him for too long [three minutes] but cheers up if you so much as graze his skin, “Hahaha!! Okay, I forgive you!! Can we go out now? Oh! Oh! How about a kiss?!”
Joy may be better than when Urogi's upset, but it's still... pretty shameless like Karaku, except Urogi doesn't WANT to embarrass you on purpose.
He's got a loud voice and a one-track mind with you. Begging and asking isn't out of the realm of possibility for him either.
Something you can count on with these four is that they're honest in their feelings for you.
Urogi, being the one who's extremely raw in showing it, talks from the heart with no brain. What you see is what you get. Most of the time...
Urogi, like the others, has his moments of dishonesty, but it’s not his fault! He wants your love constantly so bends the truth about needing you in some type of way or that he was bullied!!!
He has a headache, take care of him! Oh, his left wing hurts, pet it for him, please? His feathers have been really bothering him lately, preen him? Yes, you did so yesterday, but they're bothering him again!! Also, Sekido was really mean for no reason again, stay with him so he doesn't get yelled at again!!
With how much he thrives under your attention, you'd wonder how he reacts with people who aren't you. Well, it's simple, if its not a fight, he leads back to you!
If someone ever talks to Urogi long enough there's a 90% chance he'll mention “someone” and ignore whatever they say.
When you're not the subject of the convo, he brings you up, interrupting the other's train of thought. Annoyingly so..
It gets particularly messy if he's conversing with the other three because then they'd forget about the original topic and get swept up with missing you instead.
Even the hobbies he has that aren't you, remind him of you.. in albeit concerning ways..
He likes to eat fleshy meat, but he gets reminded of how your skin feels under his hands. It'd be more flattering if he wasn't literally ripping the flesh off of something with his fangs, but he means well.
Sharing things he likes is a sign of love, right? That's why he brings you gifts! ..Like a cat bringing its owner dead mice except this cat is five foot nine and way more dangerous..
and the dead mice are limbs that can get you arrested............
It's terrifying to wake up to a mysterious blob of red meat, especially when Urogi says “It's the only thing that kinda resembles what it used to be!” but laughs in your face instead of explaining further.
A tongue was probably the most concerning thing that still had its original shape, but not surprising.
Urogi is unfortunately way too damn strong. He's the second one to accidentally hurt you after Sekido, his talons are extremely sharp and sometimes dig into you when he gets too excited. He tries not to, but even passing by he can nick you.
Bandages are difficult for him to grab with his talons, and he feels terrible afterward, so he licks your wounds clean if you let him. Sure, it won't do much, but at least your blood smells delicious, and it makes him happy tasting it!
Right, this isn't about him, right!
There's something almost innocent about how Urogi acts with you. Even if you hate his guts, he’d still treat you like treasure. He can't bring himself to hate you no matter what you do.
He’ll get annoyed at times when you're too “coy,” sure, but never more than that or for long.
He can be a handful, but you can tell he tries to give you a good happy relationship. One that he hopes makes you feel the same unending joy he feels even if it's a bit traumatic.
Aizetsu
Manipulative and stalking type. Aizetsu wants to get tasks over with as fast as possible. he doesn't have any motivation for it. He's tired and sad and wants to curl up into a ball and lay down.
First time meeting, Aizetsu didn't even spare you a glance. If you weren't food or a threat, then you might as well have been a poor wall or weird tree.
Giving him a taste of pampering is probably what slowly melted his cold walls.
Now that he has you, it's strange. He WANTS to get up and do things with you. The weight on his shoulders isn't as heavy when you're around. He wants to keep you near him always and if he has to be pathetic to do that, then he'll do it.
Sending cute sad glances your way, sighing after each word as if its tiring to breathe, constantly leaning or holding onto your clothes, whatever makes him look like he'd die without you is what he'll do.
Aizetsu is more than capable like the other three if not the most. it's just that he doesn't need to do it, so he doesn't want to.
He purposely makes himself out like he's the “good” one, but he's just quieter. Unlike Karaku's boasting, Aizetsu wants you to see the worst in others so it makes himself look better by comparison.
Making others or himself seem pathetic is his strong suit, sometimes making his counterparts the brunt of that pity.
That or he takes a page out of Karaku's handbook and stirs the pot so they do the job for him. Sometimes they involve Aizetsu if they find out which makes him sad...
He pouts, looking at his counterparts fighting, and tells you how it's such a pity you're stuck with a rowdy bunch like them while knowing full well that he muttered something under his breath about Karaku mocking Sekido to make Urogi laugh while passing by.
It didn't happen, but it could've... it's okay, just stay with Aizetsu on the sidelines while they tucker themselves out.
Speaking of that, Aizetsu seldom lets you go. Like the others, he loves touching you, but the others let go eventually from some form of hyperactivity.
Aizetsu.. doesn't. His hand is always firmly grasping some part of your clothes while you walk, but if you're not using your arm, he'll hold that for you too.
You can try shaking him off, but it really wouldn't do anything except make him frown and grip tighter. You could ditch your clothes, it'll stun him for a moment until he's pouting again, but he’ll let you go.
Unfortunately you probably won't get your discarded clothes back for a while even if you apologize.
That and he’ll cling on again in five minutes if he's near. It's a force of habit.
Aizetsu's the strongest physically of the four, but tries his best to seem weak around you so you can spoil and love him more.
The second you leave him to figure out his own issues, you usually hear a loud thump then crack followed by Aizetsu's soft footsteps rushing to follow behind you.
Even with his crazy strength, he's the second least likely to spill blood.
Not because he's guilty or anything, don't be silly, but because he doesn't want to put effort into cleaning himself up, so you'll embrace him again. If you didn't care, then he'd be a bit messier.
Then again, he doesn't like how the dried blood feels in his hair, and he doubts he can get away with making you wash it for him every time.
Aizetsu is constantly upset, but he's not openly emotional aside from his usual declarations of sorrow. He doesn't cry easily, being in a constant state of sadness makes everything numb at some point, so it's something he expresses privately..
or, to persuade you into feeling bad for him further.
“Pitying others is only natural, but don't forget you have someone waiting for you always. I'd wither away without you.” He says that, but the others never see him waiting for anything when you're out.. Why? Because he never leaves you.
Sometimes you think you see a blue reflection from the corner of your eyes, but you check and nothing. Feeling like you're watched has been a constant lately since meeting the clones. Hopefully, it's just nerves.
But it's not!
Behind wall corners, in the shadows, amongst crowds, in closets, Aizetsu's always there. Watching with that same sorrowful pout. As mentioned earlier, he doesn't feel demotivated when doing things for you.
He's making sure you're safe and gathering more information. He wants to be precise when around you. How are you when you think they're not around? He'll find out. He always does.
Not that you notice much... He doesn't throw tantrums when you need to part from him like the others, only simple, “Really? Where are you going..?” and that's all for protesting. He's the “good one,” remember? He won't stop you.
Aizetsu gets a little sloppy with hiding his hobby(?) when he doesn't react to the new things and stories you intended to tell him. As if listening to a story again.
He's lucky he doesn't speak much or he would've filled in the details of the story you forgot about.
The downside of following you is that Aizetsu gets approached sometimes. Annoying... He's so gloomy, that he's sometimes approached by kind bystanders to check up on him.
He doesn't speak to anyone as much anymore, only responding with nods and head shakes unless he's pitying someone. He's only “chatty” with you and his clones, more so you.
A tired look crosses his face when someone's being particularly bothersome. Say, the authorities or an insistent stranger for example.
If you were with him, he'd look at you to fix it, but since you're not, he'll handle it himself. i.e. a precise swift jab to the throat that'll get them to keel over long enough for him to scamper somewhere else.
Zohakuten
Conflicting love hating attention seeker.. He can't help but hate how your mere presence makes the others and himself worse versions of themselves, but he can see why. Having your attention is like basking in the warmth of the sun again..
He rarely shows up, only when the four are panicked and desperate, but the first time is probably extremely tense........ he'd reprimand you for screwing up the minds of his clones and scaring the main body constantly.
He doesn't separate, wanting to see what the big deal is. Having Zohakuten follow you around or dragging you places while getting insulted, you're mostly babysitting him at this point.
He may not be a child in the usual sense, but he definitely uses his appearance to benefit himself. Big eyes, grumpy frown with his chubby cheeks and that usually gets people to believe him if he's lucky.
It's whiplash inducing when Zohakuten's face and way of speaking don't match (it's easy to forget that all these freaks have the mentality of an over two hundred year old man.) He uses an older way of speaking and their inflections.
He's not free from the common ground that is wanting your attention even if he's almost always complaining that you're the source of their corruption. yet he still doesn't try getting rid of you aside from a couple insults. Though it can get annoying when he's constantly on your case.
Zohakuten is extremely defensive of the main body. Hesitating when it comes to him isn't a problem. He's like Sekido where he punches as a warning in that sense.
He's very kind with Hantengu, and surprisingly you who now falls under the category of needing protection.
Hatred is part of his nature so if you're alone with him, that hatred focuses on you, but it's mixed with affection. He only really huffs at you and occasionally tries swatting you when you get too affectionate.
He's critical of his older clone counterparts.
If there were a setting where Zohakuten coexisted with his them , he'd be very antagonistic even if it's to a lesser degree than opponents. He's going against them then complaining to you about it so you can be careful of their misdeeds!
He sees their actions as the main reason Hantengu gets bullied and falsely persecuted. they fool around too much instead of doing their job properly that it grinds Zohakuten's gears..
He'd probably call Karaku and Urogi manwhores for showing off so much skin. Sekido and Aizetsu are on thin ice but they'd still get called harlots for wearing their collars so open.
You're probably not free from his berating either but he excludes the derogatory insults.
Similar to Tanjiro in that one scene with Mitsuri, Zohakuten would grab your clothes and adjust it to be more modest. He can't have animals like those pigs looking at you!!!
That being said, Zohakuten is much more manageable compared to dealing with four smothering men.
Still.. he's less likely to listen to you and has a short fuse that can cause problems out of nothing. Plus, he's much MUCH stronger than what you'd be used to.
Luckily, there's moments when he tuckers himself out and he's quietly following you like a cat. He doesn't speak much then but glares at anything and anyone who gets too close.
He might look pettable, but don't do it or he might both claw at you and get a second wind.
It's best to stay alone with Zohakuten for as long as he's around. If someone else makes him or Hantengu upset, he'd focus his hatred into them and make up some deluded reason as to why they have to die.
They'll harm Hantengu first if they're allowed to live!! It'll be swift, but he can't promise it'll be clean.
It's pretty easy to get Zohakuten to get violent. it only really takes someone getting close to you or Hantengu until he's acting faster than you noticed he moved.
He doesn't really care if you get scared, it's all for the greater good. you're just spooked because his methods were taboo, but it's fine. Now all of you are safe..
He really likes trees and forests, so taking walks around there might be the safest bet.
Zohakuten wouldn't be as cuddly, more so because of some pride of holding himself up as the strongest pillar for Hantengu, but there are moments where he sighs and leans his head against you.
Being alone with you, Hantengu, and the peace of nature puts his mind at ease in a way it's not built for. Even his wood dragons come along, bellowing quietly and making the whole environment uncommonly calm. like he's almost a normal kid.
Serenity isn't forever of course and you must part from him eventually. It's not like he'll make it easy by any means though. His brattiness shines through here where he hides some essentials of yours that make it impossible for you to leave.
Your shoes, outdoor clothes, utilities, anything that'll make your life more difficult so you'll stay home. Yes, he knows you have a life outside, but he doesn't like it when you come home smelling different. It's concerning!
If you somehow manage to escape, you'll only see his hateful eyes from his safe spot in the darkness. Throughout the day, the occasional concern chill creeps up, and coming home reveals why.
It's a disaster. Everything is trashed and turned over in what looks to be a tornado hit. Except the tornado was just a small tyrant sulking in your bedroom. The tantrum didn't comfort him at all and all he wants is you.
When you come back, he's berating you and calling you the worst person imaginable! He grabs your arms tightly then nearly crushes your ribs in a hug.
He doesn't apologize, but helps clean up after he's done, wanting to spend time with you. It wasn't the same without you and he loathes how the difference is so tangible now.
It's unfair how he's tasked to protect you too, but now that he's met you, there's specific conditions that need to be met to be allowed to see you again. He's not here for long and people around you get to meet you whenever they'd like. it's really not fair!
Maybe after a while, Zohakuten would learn not to act first if you PROMISED to keep your interactions with others to a minimum.
Even If you don't, he'll remind you by cutting your conversation or starting an argument that'll quickly get lethal if not stopped in time.
The way this guy swears like a sailor is incredible. Very foul mouthed. He talks bad about people, even sometimes to their face. It's also painfully accurate. Zohakuten can really cut deep with his words alone.. even be problematic
so fingers crossed he doesn't slight the wrong person.
While he doesn't really need to, he tries getting you small trinkets to keep so he's with you when he's separated.
All stolen of course, or so the woman from the market says, but it's not true! he made it himself, what kind of person would spread lies like that?!
Note: Zohakuten is a platonic yandere. Like the boyfriend's bratty younger brother who likes you so he cock blocks everyone to hang out with you trope
You can try asking for help, but people have seen what they're like without you.. they're like a blender without a cap. The contents will go everywhere, and it'll be chaos. UNLESS, the blender has its cap, you.
With a heavy heart, people usually give you sympathetic glances if you ever do interact briefly and quick words of comfort if they can. at least you're well taken care of by those freaks.
i love them all theyre awful.....
Tl;Dr
Hantengu is delusional and obsessed, where he thinks you'll harm him if he gets too close, but can't stay away from you for long or else he freaks himself out Sekido is the jealous possessive mother fucker who's very rude but surprisingly gives you extremely special treatment. Karaku is the obsessed self aware one, but that's wasted because he loves causing problems on purpose and embarrassing you with love. Urogi is the Intoxicated delusional one because you gotta be delusional to be as happy as this guy.. also animalistic. Too raw about his feelings........ Aizetsu is the manipulative stalker. He acts like he's the good boy when he's just as shit as the others who also somehow knows everything about you. Zohakuten is the love-hate attention seeker. it infuriates him how you "wont leave his main body alone," but he secretly thrives on your attention and will cock block at every point and time.
#null rot#yandere hantengu#hantengu clones#hantengu#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#zohakuten#yandere kny#yandere demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#i fear i was all over the place#DO YOU SEE MY VISION?? OH MY FUCK IVE BEEN WAITING TO YAP#GOD. AGAIN IM SORRY IF THIS IS EVERYWHERE. I DONT EVER JOT DOWN MY THOUGHTS#FUCK I KEPT WANTING TO HAVE SIMILAR WORD COUNTS BUT I NEVER SHUT THE FUKC UP AGHGHGHH#LISTEN MAN they're sO perfect as yanderes. they're so similar to each other but distinctly different.#Having a core emotion fuel most of their decisions and reactions is the perfect way to hook in your cult leader#the hantengu and zo were added for those few lovers of them out there. i also really like them#i left the relationship with hantengu ambiguous for those gilf hunters out there. it can be read as romantic or platonic!#AND LIKE BRO THEYRE ALL JUST SO FUCKING ANNOYINGLY CLINGY I HATE HOW THEYRE SO CARING YET NOT AT THE SAME TIME....... BRO SHUT THE FUCK UPP#ITS ABOUT THEIR POSSIBLE NUANCES BRO.... I DONT WANT TO HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM BUT THE **PARASITES** THEY CRAVE BRAIN ROT#GYAHHHHHH THEYRE ALL SO GOO D WHY ARE THEY ONLY SHOWN SO LITTLE.... FUCK!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm a sappy bitch. call me dom from fast in the furious. i love these stupid mother fuckers fighting and working together for you#THEYRE ALL BROTHER CODED#AS FOR THAT DRAWING I IMAGINE THEYRE HEAD TURNERS. THE MOST GORGEOUS GUYS EVER BUT THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE SO UNAPPROACHABLE... IM CRYING#yandere is just a twisted and more intense form of love...... hell yeah theres some nuiances there#i was playing with colors. i hope nothing looks strange!
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Are we ready to talk about Will feeling betrayed by Violet giving Ekthalion to Visander? Because, man, I get it. If I knew everyone would hate me and try to kill me and then I choose my best friend to carry that out when the time comes because I know she will do the right thing because it's the right thing and not because she hates me and then she gives it to the person who hates me the most... I'd feel betrayed too.
#i get it that she didn't know I GET IT#but i understand will#he tried to so the right thing and then he was left with nothing..not even what he thought he had control over was his anymore#dark heir#dark heir spoilers#dark rise#reading related
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okay.
so it's either a very fancy very nerdy little anvil paperweight
OR
little tyelpe had a teeny tiny forge-like dollhouse made for him by feanor, who painstakingly designed every tiny detail and made all toy equipment himself because tyelpe, too young to be in forge, insisted that he absolutely needs to be a smith like his father and grandfather and needs to begin learning now.
and who was feanor to refuse his only grandson who wanted to learn his craft when he only started to walk without bumping into everything? feanor would be elated and would spend hours playing with tyelpe in his little forge. it was before the silmarils when feanor had all the time in the world for his beloved grandson.
the anvil was one of many parts of that dollhouse, one of few that made it to beleriand and the only one that made it through to the second age with celebrimbor.
he could never make himself part with it.
#yeah#nothing better than taking a look at an item appearing for like 1 second and making a heartwrenching headcanon#i love stabbing myself with angst#i headcanon that celebrimbor was very young when they left valinor#not a toddler but maybe an equivalent of 7-8 year old#old enough to understand some things but young enough to be absolutely traumatized#based on that one absolutely amazing fanart of curufin and little tyelpe where he apparently had a nightmare#and curufin says 'no one is coming to take you' and tyelpe responds with 'but they took uncle nelyo'#i saw it some 3-4 years ago and i kid you not it randomly appears in my brain just to haunt me#so he is still a child and was allowed to take some of his toys and obviously his little forge had to come with him#not all of it only some parts because there were more important things to pack#and feanor promised him they would make the missing equipment together once they settled down and were relatively safe#and then he died#and then over the years some of the toys were lost and some were broken#and then celebrimbor was no longer a child and when they had to run he packed food and clothes and weapons not his toys#but this little anvil he would snuck into his pack anyway#and against all odds the anvil made it through the first age unscathed#if there was one thing reminding him of better times it was this#somebody fucking sedate me#brainrot has taken control over my every thought literally#celebrimbor#tyelpe#telperinquar#curufin#feanor#rings of power#beleriand#valinor#first age#silmarillion
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another thing I'm kind of sad about re: totk is that I feel like the release completely de-energized the community? I don't know if that's just me, like for sure any game has a shelf life and things get quieter over time, that's normal, but I don't know. We're slightly over 9 months since release and honestly? even the blogs that were hellbent on defending totk as a genuinely great game that would leave a wonderful impact on the gaming community are radio silent right now.
It's not that there isn't any new conversations or cool/creative content or anything, but I actually do believe the Zelda Youtube community when they say that TotK kinda killed the groove a little bit. :/
#thoughts#totk#totk critical#I think the lack of DLC was also a death sentence#because now that we are left with this we're like.... okay....#the game made such a point to cut down a lot of what had people energized in the first place that we're kind of left with nothing#zonai theories? yeah well everything is zonai and nothing matters how about that#the seventh heroine? yeah it was just a guy whatever#link and sidon? how dare you sidon is a MARRIED MAN now#the placement of botw in the timeline? all you have to know is you're all right and you're all wrong <333#ganondorf? lol + lmao#nintendo we can't sustain ourselves on building dickmen on wheels and korok torture device until the next release#“gameplay over story” can build strong communities too#but I just think you have wildly misfired in that particular case#especially since you patch away the various creative uses of ultrahand to break the intended flow of your game#you want a gameplay over story community and then remove tools for speedrunners? ???? what the hell do you WANT nintendo#genuinely
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I keep starting and abandoning posts that go into my drafts, as I try to stay tasteful about how fucking revolted this part makes me. Like, I'm legitimately unsure if the very relevant trauma I have is making me see things that aren't here
But first we see that Star Flower is trying to ingratiate herself to the group, just after she reappears from chapter 5. Chapter 5 is about how Clear Sky is still abusive towards his son, and she comes in after stroking his ego, stressing how alone she is, and appealing to how she'll be loyal unlike his child. (She glances over at Thunder, directly implying this.)
Now in Chapter 9, she's babysitting and trying to care for Milkweed's kits (in spite of discomfort from Milkweed), taking a wet sleeping space away from the others, and pulling more than her own weight "without complaint." Putting herself through harsh sitations to prove her worth.
All while trying to appear extra attractive to Thunder, and later Clear Sky. Basically every man in power who can "protect her"
Like, am I going fucking crazy? With how we later find out that Star Flower was "promised as a mate" to One Eye's subordinate Slash, is... is that hypersexualization? One of the extremely stigmatized symptoms of sexual abuse?
She goes to find Clear Sky alone to throw herself at his paws, and he's very quickly attracted to how she promises to perfectly obey him, have no needs of her own, and finally be the perfect servant that he desires
"I don't deserve your trust because I am dirt. I understand you because I also regret something. I'd die for you. I'll never betray you unlike those who have."
This isn't manipulation. She means this. The story is playing their romance sincerely. She's comparing "betraying" Thunder by telling her own father about an assassination ambush to Clear Sky's history of child abuse, physical assault, and murder
She believes she's on the same level as this; a monster who murdered a childhood friend in a fit of entitled rage. She was a victim of One Eye who really believes that the way her father used her means she "understands" this monster, deserves this treatment.
And Clear Sky LIKES that.
He likes that she will have COMPLETE FAITH in him. That she will follow him WITHOUT QUESTION. That she will OBEY his orders. That's fucking verbatim, that's THE TEXT!!!
WHILE HE'S STILL CRYING ABOUT "ive tried to atone every day" FOLLOWING THE LAST TWO BOOKS WHERE THE ONLY SHITTY THING HE DOESN'T DO IS MURDER INNOCENT WOMEN
Am I insane?? Am I wrong??? Am I missing something here???? Why the fuck is the fandom takeaway "haha sexy girl steals his dad." Did I read the same book
#Csa mention#Did they once again do a misogyny so hard they accidentally gave their woman character trauma#My tip to anyone in a draining relationship. If your partner fetishizes that YOU would never leave or betray them unlike ''all the others''#RUN.#There may be a reason their exes cut ties with them and they're praising you for ignoring red flags#Especially when your partner is significantly older and more experienced#Theres nothing noble about constantly suffering for the sake of 'loyalty'#Star Flower PLEASE get out of here you dont fucking deserve this you did nothing wrong#Bones reads dotc#Dotc hate#I thought i was just remembering things wrong when i was adding the subtheme of thunder having a connection to star via abusive dads-#-in my dotc rewrite. But no it's right there. It's in the text and it's something clear is attracted to#I abuse the shit out of my son and he left me once over it#But i can abuse this girl his same age and she won't run. Finally! A victim who won't leave!#And then they become mates and she births at least two litters#Cw abuse#sa mention#EDIT: I've changed the language just slightly#because the timeline COULD work out that starf was an adult when she was promised to slash for a very brief window of time#and hypersexualization is a symptom of trauma resulting from many types of sex abuse. Even that done when the victim was an adult.#it's just more common in CSA
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That fic from Akutagawa's pov that remarked how although Dazai had left a bomb under Chuuya's car, at least that showed he had thought about him before going, while he never cared enough to spare a thought for Akutagawa.
#I think about it a lot... Something something the opposite of love isn't hatred but indifference#I can imagine Akutagawa and Chuuya fighting over Dazai when he left#“AT LEAST HE THOUGHT ABOUT YOU!” “HIS THINKING ABOUT ME WAS A FUCKING ATTEMPT TO MURDER ME AKUTAGAWA!”#...#It was supposed to be funny it shouldn't hurt me as much as it does.........#Trust me chuu/aku angst actually hits the hardest and you will never see it coming.#Because it’s not the kind of angst of “oh no my boyfriend has been beheaded by this magic sword that cuts through space and time ://”.#Chuu/aku angst hits right close to home when you least expect it and it’s so real in its inherent humanity it leaves you defenseless#ryūnosuke akutagawa#osamu dazai#chūya nakahara#bsd#bungou stray dogs#mine#q.#23/11/22#I'm sorry I don't remember the fic of course I'll add the link if I find it again#It's just that sometimes you will read something in a fic and go “oh my God” and it feels like you've been run over by a bus#And other times you read a fic and it seems like nothing happened–#and then two years after you realize you're still thinking about that tidbit of lore and you'll be like “oh... oh.”#Like fics that rewrite your entire belief system without you even noticing for real
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I think Handsome Jack cried so hard he threw up once he really stood and acknowledged Angel's passing
#i genuinely believe he thought he was doing what was best for her#and maybe he was also punishing her for killing her mother on accident#hes a human there's only so much he can do#and focusing his rage over losing his wife on getting rid of all bandits#bandits that caused the death of his wife by attempting to kidnap his daughter to use her siren abilities to discover vaults#and that being the very same thing that kills her#the game doesnt show you his grief because they dont want you to empathize with someone who is pathologically trying to destroy the other#and i get that. its a simple video game#nuance could muddy things#but i think he loved his daughter#and wept as soon as he was alone#he sought power to protect her#and now he has nothing left#and sometimes i think he may have wanted to die#at the end of BL2#because he failed in completing his one true goal of saving his daughter from herself#anyways sorry#borderlands#handsome jack#redacted
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that last scene in the qaf finale was painful. we get a voiceover of michael talking about how some things should never change and the show decided that very much included brian. we then get him dancing in babylon to beat us over the head with the idea that nothing has changed at its core. but everything has in that moment. everything had changed for seasons. with everyone dancing "the way it should be" brian was the only one who didn't fit in that scene, yet there he was smack in the middle of it all
this wasn't growth, it wasn't poetic, it was a poorly written ending
#oh that episode#i had been avoiding it for over a week and had to pause several times to recalibrate#like#that was so bad and rushed and why did they strip brian of everything and revert him to his default#nothing in season 5 made sense for any of them tbh???#except ben & michael getting hunter back and brian finally saying i love you#but it's always BIG BAD BIG BAD events that lead to brian doing something and idk britin was wildly out of character this season#im glad justin went to new york im glad he's doing something other than being a trophy wife the show turned him into#but jesus#i will have more thoughts after i process whatever that was for them#we're not getting married lol no like seriously we're not AND THEN THE SCENE IS DONE ARE YOU KIDDING ME#michael being giddy and bffs with brian again after justin left feels very on brand for him lmao#okay im done rambling im just -___-#:/#i will have lots of opinions in regards to the other characters that i will post about i swear i noticed things other than brian kinney#qaf#britin#brian kinney
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its so crazy how 3L is literally not that serious. but It Can Be. if you use your beautiful mind
#thats where all the fun is at....#i'm haunted by desertduo thoughts sorry. whyd they do all that#3L grian makes me want to chew on plaster the entire thesis of his character ca n be interpreted as him hopelessly trying to atone for a si#that he will ultimately never be forgiven for & that will ultimately become his own downfall!#like the finale of 3L is just this beautiful karmic parallel like this insane manifestation of his guilt coming back to eat him alive#to finish the job! to Make Him to finish the job!#& i think 3L desertduo has this weirdly beautiful capacity to read as a larger metaphor for dealing with the loss of a loved one#internalizing it as your fault; trying to atone for your own guilt; doing whatever you can to keep what little of them is left alive#but in the end no matter how hard you try reality remains reality and the truth remains clear:#one of you is alive and the other is not. and nothing can change this. nothing is going to ever change this#you have to let them go. and it can feel so torturous. it can feel like you're murdering the memory of them all over again#but theres only one way that this can end#something about sand castles not being made to last something about dust and memories slipping in between your fingers#sorry. i feel normal about this i promise
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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one fucking assignment huh.
#SO NOTHING CHANGED EH#WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM THE LAST 4+ YEARS NOW EH#FUCKING#WHY#I had my notebook I was paying attention as best I could#and yet this slipped#god damnit.#this is ONE SEMESTER#I can do it I have to I can do this#I need to dang it#two weeks in and one class at 50% god. what the hell me#just for one second. just for one second you cna't even be more responsible and look at what assignments you have due#BUT NO#it's pokemon videos and watching shows with your little sister and animatics#MY MOM ASKED ME#SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME IF I HAD ANYTHING LEFT OVER#AND I THOUGHT I DIDN'T#god.I just.#I thought I was getting better#unfortunately no. I still get distracted. I still zone out. I can't fucking tell when i have a thing to finish#just posting
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guys guys guys i saved up enough to get something i've been wanting for YEARS
#it's a vr headset!!!!!!!!#one of the least expensive ones but i think itll be good enough#im fully in a fallout mood so i was updating fo76 to play and saw fallout 4 vr on sale and thought....#ive saved up a lot now (its supposed to be for my new pc but i have no willpower) so i did a little research#and impulsively bought one and fallout 4 vr#im going to be home alone for a week and im fully expecting to get so lost in it#im shaking im so excited ajkfsdlsl#and i still have quite a bit of money left over + the 625 im going to get in june can still go to my new pc!#if anyone knows any cool other vr games lemme know! i know absolutely nothing besides fallout 4
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#we have a neighbor who walked past our house while walking his dog#and he threw his doggy bag into our trailer#my husband said this wasn’t the first time the guy did it#and so he figured out which house he lived in and left a note telling him not to do it again#and now this motherfucker#makes it a point to walk by our house STILL#and spit on our driveway#I’d call it a coincidence when he did it the first 2 times#but this time#I was coming home with Beba#and I got out of the car and had to get him carefully out of the car cause he fell asleep#anyways I get him inside to his bed safely and I go back out to the garage#just in time for this fucker to walk past#and he spits on the driveway right in fucking front of me#I was about to follow him and tell him the fuck off but my husband called out to me and told me not to do anything#the absolute AUDACITY#and the fact that he has NO SHAME#is astounding to me#and the fact that I couldn’t confront him because I don’t know what the fuck he is capable of and if he might retaliate and hurt me#but also the fact that he does this WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT#he has NO FEAR#no fear at all of something happening to him as a result of doing this#but I’m over here thinking about how I would like nothing more than to confront him but can’t because who knows what he might do to me#I am so FUCKING PISSED OFF
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My toxic red flag is that everytime I make a post s8 au, Allura always ends up being a woobified poor little meow meow
#Rip Allura. A pathetic girfailure era could have saved you#empty thoughts#There's a very thin line between a deeply tragic character in a story that doomed them and a pathetic wet rag the universe fucking loathes#And man am I going to push her in a specific direction#Like seriously why is it always Lance or Keith given the sad woobie treatment?#Move aside. It's Allura's turn to be the drenched cat in the rain with huge sad wet eyes#I think it's because to me her 'death' and separation had to be traumatizing for her#All she had left at the time was her life and a chance of a happier future only to give up even that#All to fix the mistakes of people who have nothing but abused her but get to have happy endings handed to them#So I feel like if she had survived this would have been the final straw#Not to mention there is no war to win anymore. No universe to save. No destiny to fulfil#It's over and there are no distractions anymore. Nothing to keep your mind occupied#While all the pain and misery just finally comes crashing down#Post s8 au#Stolen identity au
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