#nothing is discussed to in depth

[vmures]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 💕

author's choice! :D

Oof, now I have to pick a thing myself. lol

I guess I'll start with some insight on Hanging On (You're All That's Left to Hold On To).

What I'm not sure I've ever mentioned in any of the author's notes for that fic, but that is probably clear from the themes of the work is that this is largely a fic about grief as well as healing from trauma. Essentially fic as therapy in some ways.

And here're the important bits of personal backstory that really shaped a lot of this fic. One, my relationship with my own father was complicated in much the same way that Stiles relationship with his dad is. My father was an alcoholic and addict, though he did sober up later in life. Up until the point he got sober, our relationship was chaotic and there was definitely some parentification going on. But after he got sober, we managed to get our relationship on healthier, more solid ground. We had about 10 years of this healthier relationship before he was diagnosed with Stage IV pancreatic cancer in 2014.

For those unfamiliar with that particular form of cancer. It is one that can be very aggressive. The docs estimated that my dad had between six weeks and three months if he chose palliative care, and maybe six months if he went with more aggressive treatment. He went with palliative care. I flew out to where he lived and spent the time from diagnosis to end of life with him, and my brother eventually joined me. We got about six good weeks and then he went downhill fast. I wrote several poems after his death, but one was just a short little couplet that encapsulated how I was feeling.

I am a bottle played by the wind howling, mournful, and hollow within.

It always felt like it needed to go with something else. Now we move forward several years to February 2020 when I decide to participate in a fic exchange after finally getting back into writing fanfiction. I'd been kicking around this idea of Stiles getting stuck in fox form and Coach Finstock being the one to help him. One of the few things we know from canon is that Coach is a recovering alcoholic (I think it's mentioned in season 4, but not 100% on that). And then I started thinking about all the ways that Coach could help out if he actually knew about the supernatural.

Then I had to figure out how Stiles ended up as a fox. And I realized that if I went with his magic imprinting on the nogitsune a bit and realized I wanted to explore the whole mess of post-nogitsune life that was never explored in the show. As I wrote the opening scene I realized that the couplet above fit perfectly. It really sets the tone for the whole story and how folks are feeling at the beginning of it. The hurt of grief not just from the loss of Allison, Boyd, and Erica, but also the never-really-dealt-with grief that both Stilinskis carry regarding Claudia.

The other potentially interesting fact about the opening scene is that I based Stiles' panic attack and resulting dissociation on my own experience and accidentally gave myself a panic attack when doing that. I was able to get over it pretty quickly, but it was a reminder to try to keep a bit more space between myself and my writing even when I'm trying to hit certain emotional notes. Perhaps even more so when trying to hit certain emotional notes.

All in all, I didn't really plan on writing a ridiculously long story that explored grief and grieving as well as healing from trauma, but that's fully what the story turned into. Parts of it are a love letter to my child and teenage selves who could have used better, healthier coping skills. And some of it is a love letter to my dad in all his complex and ridiculous glory. And some of it is just a love letter to a show that had some great characters but not the best writing.

I ended up deciding to go with song quotes and poems for the openings of each chapter as a result of using that couplet, and I'm glad I did. It is basically the soundtrack of the fic (along with the title which comes from Red Hill Mining Town by U2).

So that's just one thing that went into the creation of that particular fic. Given that it is my longest fic, there is a lot I could say about it, lol. But this has already gotten really long. So I'll cut this particular director's commentary off here.

Folks are welcome to hit me up for more or to ask specific questions about any of my fics. :D <3

[mohntilyet]

about illario working with the venatori, we can't forget that elgar'nan gifted him blood magic, so I do think that he somewhat influenced him and that's why he's so much more vindictive and jealous in comparison to tevinter nights. I don't mean that he's being mind controlled, but it's a bit like cyrian, a god just amplifying those negative emotions in you and promising power and glory can push a person to that edge and to make stupid af decisions.

im also not forgetting that zara line in inner demons where she talks about an envy demon. like. why an envy demon in specific...there's THINGS between zara and illario that were not shown

no literally if you get me talking about illario + envy + the possibility of getting him possessed, you will have me here for fucking ever. a non mage doing blood magic (any magic at all) is really weird and interesting to me and i don’t remember an example of this happening before (feel free to correct me tho lol. i’m discounting possessions and dwarves)

i had started wildly theorising after bloodbath that he had been possessed and he was tapping into the fade using an envy demon. especially like you said, zara mentions it, AND because i swear there’s a codex in the ossuary where it mentions an envy demon whereas spite is obviously determination, right? so i thought it was a breadcrumb trail to a big “illario is being influenced and doesn’t even know” reveal— same as you anon like great minds am i right— but i’m not sure there is actually any evidence of that lol. like maybe if you squint but i do believe it was explained away by “oh yeah, and elgarnan let him do special blood magic”

it does also make sense to me that illario can only control lucanis, due to being part of the same family. a bloodline thing, and it is very poetic to me that their shared family connection in caterina is what allows him to control lucanis, even for a moment lol. spite being the extra magical boost that lucanis needs to block that out ALSO makes sense to me so i’m not too fussed abt these details lol🤔

the envyllario in my heart also gets spectral weapons for himself. lucanis gets wings, illario gets talons, PLUS green-purple are complementary colors so it would have been really fun to see them clash with their spirit/demon-powers. the talon thing is also a kind of reflection of his end-goal desire, how envy demons already have those freaky hands, and it manifests as claws and is a much more aggressive, strength-augmenting manifestation (as opposed to manoeuvrability and speed-augmenting that spite’s wings give lucanis.) anyways that's what the diagram above is supposed to be (this is extremely hot to me)

[cupidle]

zazie

[notebooks-and-laptops]

Wow I love it when a little rant post about my silly video games and how I feel about them nets me anon hate. People are absolutely allowed to be disappointed by things they're disappointed by, just like they're allowed to be excited by things they're excited by, and share them in fandom spaces if they want.

Look just block me like a normal person stfu

Peace and love to anyone who is getting angry fans in their inboxes rn because they expressed a pretty mild opinion <3

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Loudest Silence

YA contemporary

a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida

and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her

bi & aroace-coded MCs

[arctasy]

i'm in the mag 140s and i have so many thoughts about the way tma explores free will, choice, instinct, and tragedy. it's so fascinating and i could write an entire literary analysis and i still don't think i could come to a simple conclusion because the narrative arguably resists it. jon had a choice but he was also manipulated but it was also just his instinct/nature/personality so who is really to blame? he embodies such a complex position as both predator and prey, not to mention how complicated the forces are that go him into that position. auughh i have so many thoughts my brain is going to explode

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[hideyseek]

man there is really nothing in the WORLD that quite compares to the high of a deep and thorough betaing discussion of a fic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bisexualamy]

.

[fabcreature]

in my post about the muppet christmas carol and kermit and piggy's hypothetical kids and interspecies muppet reproduction, i am acting quite serious and really dramatic, because it's funny you know. it's the muppets and we're discussing something meaningless on the internet - of course i'm being dramatic for the laughs

but the amount of people in the notes interpreting the conversation as people (me and others commenting) actually being angry or serious.

they're making me go apeshit.

[kayvsworld]

like are comics better. than the mcu. low bar but are comics better maybe i should get into comics fldkjghkfjdhg

[lohstandfound]

ignore this.

learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom

even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit

[fbwzoo]

(Long rambling post re: Emma & resource guarding)

Man, I'm so glad my household is all basically on the same page when it comes to animal care & management. It really makes it so much easier tackling some situations, like Emma's resource guarding.

Like, we got it almost gone within the household in 4-ish months. It's not fully gone, but a huge improvement.

Now that we're going to start adding back having people over slowly, we know it's going to make a reappearance due to the stress of the new situations. That's already happened with the first occasions we've had so far in the past month.

BUT lots of positives - she's relatively? Mild about it - a snarl & lunge, and then she retreats. She doesn't escalate or anything. Still a more dramatic reaction than we'd like, but could be worse.

She's also not too bad to redirect usually, either before or after, she's not fixated on the one she's trying to guard against. She's just trying to create space for herself and the guarded object - which is usually me. The habit isn't super ingrained, since both her foster mom & we have immediately been addressing it to avoid situations that cause it & redirecting when we can.

Our house layout could be better to work with, but we do have a game plan in mind for managing her with people over, and with Shilo as she's still touchiest with him out of the house animals.

For Shilo: more treats for her when he comes in the room or is on the couch to get affection. Especially for me, she'll get treats tossed away from me to reward her for leaving me & give her space from Shilo. She does lose me (in that I get up and move) if she lunges at him (or Phoebe, but she's much better with her).

For guests: I'll be out on the dog bed/floor or by the cat tree so that she can't camp out and have me + corner to defend. If she's showing increased signs of tension, like pacing, circling, etc. I'll do a treat toss towards the hallway or go to the bedroom to encourage her to follow me and give herself space from the new people. Treat toss towards the hallway/away from me if she does do any guarding as well.

I want to give her more options for either giving herself space or calming activities, but a) she still wants to be in the room with people even when she's stressed, and b) can't add anything too high value that would add something to guard or invite interest from the other animals & possible conflict. So that likely rules out lickimats and higher value chews.

I may look at getting some smaller Benebones bc she liked them at the foster house & they were fine to leave out there without guarding. The other two dogs aren't too interested in the bigger ones I got for Addy either. She's started to like shredding and chewing cardboard too, so maybe encouraging that as a distracting & calming activity for this type of thing?

[agayconcept]

my youtube algorithm has gotten all sorts of fucked up so:

☆ give me ur youtube channel / show / series recommendations !! ☆

[elytrafemme]

i'm starting to wonder if therapy is going to be productive because no matter what happens i'm probably going to experience this every night of my fucking life

[digirainebow]

bg3 is eating all of my time and yet i still stay hyperfocused on oxII so i haven't had much to say about it but i will say things now that i've entered act 3 which i believe is the last one!

was worried that i was gonna dislike all the characters besides wyll and karlach and while those two are absolutely my favs, i am relieved to report that i like everyone quite a bit. before playing i had this sense that the character development for most of the party members would be paced a little weird because of how big the world is and though i'd say that is still true, it doesn't actually matter. it did not end up having an effect on how much i care about them pretty much at all. shadowheart and astarion took/are taking the longest to grow on me, predictably, but i was shocked by how instantly i enjoyed gale since his type of character almost always rubs me the wrong way. but he doesn't really fall into the usual stereotypes that irk me so. yay! i also thought lae'zel would be one of my favorites but i think she's settled in between shadow and astarion.

struggled for a hot minute trying to decide if i wanted to romance wyll or karlach and lost my shit when i realized their storylines were connected and that they both ended up as infernal beings that like to dance. like yeah i get it i have a type whatever leave me alone. i chose wyll because i had my eye on him before i even knew karlach existed. he is cute :')

karlach's "ah, i love this time of year. the dickheads start popping up everywhere you look." line made me laugh-cry because i thought it was so unexpected and funny and i can count the times that has happened in my life on one hand.

here's my mc,

her name is physalia. she's a drow bard who loves lightning magic. her design isn't my fav because i was kinda in a rush when customizing her but my aesthetic choices ended up working really well for the mc symbolically, so i am not mad!

circus of the last days has been the best part of the game so far,

aaaand ok that is it for now hopefully i will finish it soon because i want my life back! LMAO