#nothing has changed btw it is more that there has been an addition and I can already tell it is dire

[repurposedmeatlocker]

Pretending to be normal about a new interest of mine that I am most definitely not normal about by queuing the posts at intervals throughout the week.

[2demondogs]

With Chrismas around the corner (not really but basically), i would love an Arthur x GN!reader where Arthur proposes to reader for Chrismas and they obviously say yes because, well, it's Arthur, who wouldn't?

Anon did you read my mind. I was just thinking about proposal fics when you sent this ask because I have yet to stumble on one somehow... I'm sorry this took forever btw T-T

Shoutout to my platonic boyfriend for helping me with ideas because I got writer's block <3

Words: 3k oh my good lord Tags: canon divergence (it's just people leaving the gang a chapter early), Arthur does not have tuberculosis, INSTANT spoilers for character death, cheesy shit

It's been too long, you're realizing, since holidays like Christmas felt like special things. There is a double-edged feel to this one — it is the first since Hosea's death, since leaving the gang — but it is the first, in a very long time, that you've spent in the so-called right way: in a warm house with four solid walls and someone you love, how those fanciful books Mary-Beth used to talk your ear off about always wrote.

The house is warm enough, anyways.

There's work that needs done on the cabin. Some of the wood is rotting out and chipped at the corners, forming into sharp splinters that you've brushed against one too many times, but it is a house. You haven't had this pleasure since before joining the gang.

Sometimes, with how content Arthur seems at baseline, you wonder if he's had this pleasure since early childhood. On quieter evenings, ones less reserved for happiness than this one, there has been clipped discussion about how Arthur has never had domesticity like this. Silently, it was an admission of how good it is to share this freshness with you.

During a ride into town, he'd admitted that he had never picked up painting because it was the sort of thing only steady folks got to enjoy. You'd gotten him a set of oil paints when no one was looking — he's worth much more than a few measly dollars, but that means little if you haven't got them to begin with. Some habits die hard; he was happy you remembered what he'd said only a few hours before.

Come the new year, Arthur plans to find work that will pay. New things are a luxury neither of you care much to indulge in, but the repairs will take lumber and maybe a few extra hands. Ones with more expertise, at least, because Arthur's houses usually have not had foundations.

You could simply move now that time has passed, yes. You could find somewhere much farther away, maybe even New York, and pack yourselves in alongside the other sardines bustling about a city, undetectable in uniformity. Shave beards, got jobs, change clothes, cut hair and color it, too, if paranoia strikes— but keeping low to the ground has worked itself out so far, and there is no more of that deathlike stagnation in the air of this place.

Sentimentally, you think this Christmas will seal off whatever makes this cabin yours. Shadows linger, there's been a few odd creaks that've spooked the horses, and maybe it's going to shit a lot quicker than either of you want to admit, but it's your shit-house and the shared stubbornness between you has always brought you nothing but closer to one another.

Arthur is tired of running, and so are you. Last week, he talked about writing to Mary-Beth and Simon, maybe checking if Kieran — the utterance of the man's proper name was a confirmation of the last of that stockholmlike regret having worked out of his system — had broken and followed his little girlfriend. It wasn't said with malice, just some amusement.

"Why do you think he would?" You'd asked.

"Dutch only saves people who don't ask for it," he'd said, and that wistful look in his eyes vanished before you could ask what it meant.

Maybe it's the hard work that makes it feel like a real, true holiday. Pearson and Grimshaw stopped working everyone harder in the winter over the years, once the familial glamour faded with each new addition to the gang. It was no longer a tight-knit group, but a posse, more or less, of runaways and strays all against a big, evil thing like the rest of the world, or whatever it was that Dutch grew to fear.

Since November, Arthur has been saving the best catches to be salted and stored for Christmas dinner. Each addition is cleaner skinned and cut than the last, and the newfound worst of them ended up being ate upon his return from hunting. You've both been saving back herbs since summer, dried and ready to be crumbled into the heated up pot come time for a real feast. Cornbread was made by hand for the first time since you settled down here, drizzled with honey from the general store a ways out.

The latter was Arthur's only specific request for a fancy dinner. If you hadn't gotten him a single gift save for making it, he'd still be happy as a clam.

He's been putting that goddamned honey on everything. You're glad he seems to be enjoying things again, not as tightstrung as he was before you'd made off with him. That's how it feels, anyways, after the long and struggling conversations that were had before the decision was made. Family or life? It's a hard question for someone who has such little concept of either.

Now, the grey hair in his beard is catching the light from the fireplace where he's sat himself on a chair before it. They'd sprouted through the sun-bleached blond atop his head has been looking lighter and lighter in recent months, grey finally catching up to the discoloration and giving him some malcolored sort of tabby look. It's a good one on him, as much as he complains about looking old as dirt and that it's all formed by stress.

For all the lacking color, it adds a ruddy warmth to his face. Daydreams of growing old together find you when you focus on it, or on his wheezing laugh that's gotten worse with the cold weather. Despite the woolen vest he's been sporting, his fingers are as chilled as yours whenever they've brushed. Idly, you wonder if he's gotten whatever Hosea grew into, then remember they were never by blood.

Arthur hadn't wanted you to get him any gifts. When you asked if he would get you something, he'd flushed and changed his mind, apparently already having done it.

Whatever it is, it's good-sized, wrapped in one of the dustcloths you'd gotten him alongside the paints. He's been spending more time painting, lately, tucked in the treeline and looking over the cabin or deeper into the woods, studying something plein air the way those professionals do. He'd propped it against the wall this morning, and once you've settled on the floor before the fireplace — too cold outside not to crowd close to it — after dinner, he looks between you and the cloth like he isn't sure what to do.

"D'you wanna do the honors?" He asks, and grins although the twitch of his eye tells you he's covering timidity with faux cockiness.

"You go ahead," you say, half because he's closer. Tormenting him in small ways must be part of any good gift.

The painting is an image you recognize. A photo that one of the girls took for you months before things went down the hole, using the camera Arthur was loaned by some feller in town who wanted photos taken for a book. He never returned it, and it more or less became something he tucked beneath his cot and let the elements beat around. You can't remember, now, who it was or where he went to get it developed.

The little inkling of pride you felt knowing he kept putting off getting the negatives developed — not enough money, not enough time — yet was gone the next morning to have yours developed returns, now.

It's a much nicer rendition of it, your clothes not dirty and his arm around your waist, the other holding his hat to his chest. It's clear he preferred to give your portrait more detail, his own lagging somewhere behind in clarity and looking closer to the photo. You suppose it's easier to look at someone besides himself, but there's a clearer enjoyment in the lines of you, more care taken in the color mixes.

Ignoring the dense joy of the implications of that, of how obvious it is, proves difficult. Your cheeks twinge some from the wide smile before you realize you're even reacting.

"You'll be a big name someday," you say, and he may as well shrink in on himself beneath the praise, although he's heard it plenty of times before.

"Naw," he waves a hand. "Quit that."

"Really, Arthur." Scooting closer, laying your hands over his knee. He's moving his jaw when your eyes meet his, lays a hand over one of yours, heavy and warm. "It's beautiful. I love it."

"Good," he says. His jaw clicks. "I— uh, I love you."

The hunting knife you got for him seems small, though relatively equal. Arthur looks as pleased as ever studying it, half-mumbling appraisals of yeah, nice and sharp, sturdy to himself that likely would've stayed inside his head, if it weren't for wanting to show you he liked it.

A bone handle, which he feels over with his fingers before noticing it's engraved, fits easy in his palm. You were afraid you push your luck with maintaining its quality too far adding the tiny, vague bear shape next to the deeper cut of his name. Already impressive was the fact that you hadn't ruined it with the letters, being one of your first expeditions into anything of the sort.

"I would've gotten you one of those folding knives," you explain. "But they don't hold up as well, and I know you have one."

The army knife was Hosea's.

"Needed me a new huntin' knife," Arthur says. You know, because he's complained about his current one being close to snapping with all the skinning he does anymore. He squints at the handle, turns it over in the light from the fire. "Did you engrave the handle?"

"Yessir."

He smiles. "It's real nice," he says, pats his palm with the blade softly. It makes a dull noise, sturdy metal on skin. "Why a bear?"

"They remind me of you," you admit. Really, you'd spent a long time considering what else to add, because only his name seemed so plain; although he wouldn't be opposed to flowers or vines, they are a little more intricate than a simplified bear head. "Big and strong. Hairy, too. I'd like to hug one."

He snorts a laugh, but it seems thin. His eyes are fond enough on you that it couldn't be any rejection of your words, and so you brush it off. "You wanna hug a bear?" He asks.

"In a perfect world," you amend. "Don't they look warm?"

"You'd better stick to me," he says, smooths a palm over the thigh of his jeans. The nicest pair he owns, he promised you, because he feels ridiculous in slacks and seems to think you care what he wears.

Beyond thinking everything looks well on him, at least. You often find yourself concerned with that thought.

"I got you somethin' else," Arthur starts, running a finger over the bunched inseam at his own knee. "Well, uh— it's f'both of us, really."

Isn't that intriguing, you think, but your silent, undivided attention seems to make him outright nervous, so you say: "Oh?"

Some conflict happens over his face as he pulls his vest collar away and reaches into the inner pocket, takes out a stack of thin papers that he glances over before apparently relenting to something. Confusion finds you, until he takes a deep breath and holds them towards you.

"Read these," is all he says, and he sounds like it's almost painful.

He's written much, much more than that. Your stomach turns, once or twice, realizing they are pages from his journal. Uncertain why, until the first entries which are skittering on affectionate fade into ones much more flowery. They are all about you, days you'd spent together or times you hadn't, the things you've given him over the years and the things he wished he could've given you.

Each page makes your chest feel tight with a panicked joy, as if his hands were not fiddling with the new knife to occupy — distract? — himself but clenching hard at your heart.

One, near the beginning, says he thought of pickin' a pretty lil' flower, God bless it, I feel ridiculous; on the back of the next is pressed a variegated tulip, crumbling with age but holding firm to whatever adhesive glues it to the paper. Again, that creeping smile, like thyme. Another entry is entirely about your hair, because it had brushed his arm. Only a few sentences made up that page, below the cursive a choppy sketch of your horse.

Certainly, Arthur stays busy in his head. You've always known as much, but never figured any of it was about you. Not like this, anyways, though the dates spread from the week before Blackwater and you can only wonder what laid in that journal he lost before.

"Oh, Arthur," you start, looking up from a third-way through, feeling giddy but not wanting him to watch you so intently while you finish them. No wonder he was shy. It's his heart. "You're so sweet."

"Finish readin' 'em," Arthur says, doesn't meet your eyes at first. When he does, they're gentle. "They get sweeter, y'know, better finish 'em. 'Cause of that."

He is nervous. Hardly moving, besides the tongue running over his teeth beneath his lips, and the rambling every time he opens his mouth. You don't mind, never have. He's endearing like this.

Outings you'd went on infrequently, the dates of his favorites underlined, you're noticing, based on the tone of his words in them; his worries and fears about courting you, and some of what you mean to him though, with its succinctness, you have a feeling he wouldn't dare put all of his genuine love to findable paper; things he likes about you, and one page where he admits that he cannot keep himself from documenting you in every other entry, which tells you this small collection is hardly everything. The previous entries turn over in your mind again, and you are struck on a random page for a moment as their meanings take hold, realizing they were especially sliced from his journal to show you.

The entries leading to the last are what set your mind and pulse ablaze. From the first appearance of the word marriage, you swallowed your idea of what may be coming — Arthur's breathing changing beside you doesn't help any, and it certainly does not help that he leans down once you've reached the last page, plucking it from your hands. Before he does, you notice quite a few crossed out lines, scribbles as if he were frustrated with not being able to find the right words.

"Think I've got the balls on me to read this one aloud, at the very least," he says, voice laced with a chuckle. Breath comes uneasy, but you collect yourself enough to gather the pages back into a neat, ordered stack in your lap. "Unless you'd rather spare me," he adds, nudges your knee with the toe of his shoe.

"No." Your voice sounds strange, even to you. "Do me the honors."

Arthur bites his cheek, nods and lets it fall as he smiles. Still, his hand finds the back of his neck, the page held between two fingers that remain surprisingly steady. The knife lingers in his hand beneath it, and isn't it just like him to propose holding a weapon.

Propose. It takes its first toll on you, rolls over your back in shards of tingling.

"December twenty-fifth, eighteen ninety-nine," he starts, eyes flicking to your face every other word until the intensity of your gaze must make him too anxious. "It's a nice little life, livin' with the one I love," — rubbing his mouth, sighing some — "Jesus, I always gotta be sappy." You laugh, though it comes out more forceful than you intended, and relax some until he continues. "The thought of another day where anythin' could happen 'n' we ain't bound is somethin' I hate."

Arthur pauses, stands up and places the journal entry on his chair. You take his hands when he holds them out to where you sit, grunting when he hauls you off the ground with more force than you expected, feet shuffling into place to stick all-too-close to his. His hands are burning, skin feverish when you grab his wrists, as if you'd ever want to stop him as he eases onto a knee before you.

And his eyes throw you off balance, too, catching the light just enough that you can tell they are stinging. So are your own, now that you think about it, but intelligent thoughts go out the window once you sense him about to speak.

"I wanna be 'til death do us part," Arthur confesses, fumbles to catch both of your hands in his in an awkward, squeezing hug of a hold.

The way your bones catch on one another, well— it's not a sensation you'll forget, like the first time he kissed you and you felt it still a week later, warm pressure on your mouth if you got too lost in the memory. He looks as good, looks so nice, and you know your fingers would be shaking if he weren't crowding them together, steady.

When he says your name, the blood is rushing through your ears too loud to hear it clearly; you almost want to ask him to do it again. "Will you marry me?"

Nodding, face slack before it spreads in a grin. "Yes," you say. "Of course I will."

His is hidden by how he lets go of your hands, catching them before they fall in stupid, limp joy back to your sides. He lays kisses along the knuckles, all three rows of them. It's so awfully saccharine and yet you could never tell him to quit being sweet— not now, not as he stumbles to his feet after you pull him up and shake off his hold to grab his face, tugging him into a kiss.

Arms come around your waist, squeeze tight enough to hurt, or to hold in place. Arthur runs a hand over your back, breaks the kiss to slide a hand into your hair and press your face to his chest, caging you in his arms. He smells warm, like good cologne, and you know he's been planning this.

[karvviie]

omg tell us more about your grif+locus thoughts

OKAY PREPARE YOURSELF. i wrote this all down and did not expect it to be so long. so other than it being a fun yapper/listener dynamic, i think that them being friends could actually be very good for each other.

tldr: Grif and Locus have great potential to have a close friendship that is beneficial to both of their senses of self-worth. They have seen each other at their worst/most vulnerable, and despite this, they show kindness and compassion towards one another. As a result, this can allow them to be emotionally open when communicating, thus forming a healthy friendship that proves to them that they are worthy of being treated with care and forgiveness.

my full explanation under the cut:

sorry guys i really could have worded all this better but i can’t be fucked rn and i wrote it stream of consciousness style. i am too tired to go back and proofread it.

btw i am also ignoring the fact that season 15 was retconned.

ok so. It has been established that grif has low self-esteem. he considers himself as the “hateglue,” and feels extremely guilty for quitting the team. he probably has some attachment issues and problems with feeling unwanted and not being worthy of being cared for (implied by o’malley about his family life)

and locus. he’s got so many problems. mentally and just in general. everyone knew him as the absolute worst version of himself and now he’s trying to seek redemption and atone for all the horrible things he’s done. but locus is doing this all by himself, he has no allies or anyone left that he can call a friend. He probably hasn’t had a healthy relationship with anybody in a long time.

IN COMES GRIF! grif interacts with locus when he’s at a very low point. he has no inhibitions, nothing to repress his thoughts and emotions in the presence of another person. he very quickly accepts locus’s change of heart and opens up to him. They do not insult each other or have any ulterior motives. which is already a big change of pace.

Grif initially knew locus as a horrible person, and experienced first hand his many crimes. despite this, he shows enthusiasm and support when told that locus wants to redeem himself.

Locus, on the other hand, despite how inexperienced he is in making friends and being kind and caring, shows compassion and concern towards grif, listening to his inane rambling and accomodating to his needs (allowing grif to bring his volleyballs on the ship).

Grif is exactly what Locus needs in a companion at this point in time, someone who is honest with him, doesn’t have any ulterior motives and accepts his past mistakes while also encouraging him to be a better person.

Locus has found a real friend, after years of an extremely toxic partnership. grif is somebody that he can also demonstrate care and compassion towards, further aiding him in his journey to being redeemed.

In addition, Grif finally has someone that he can be completely honest around. Someone who has accepted him at his lowest and validated his needs, regardless of how absurd they were.

to sort of quote my recent post, locus is showing grif that he is worth the mess. he is not a burden, he is not there just for people to hate. he is just as worthy as anyone else of care and compassion, even at his lowest.

On the other hand, grif is also showing locus that he is worthy of forgiveness, and that there is someone who is able to look past his wrongdoings and treat him as someone to be trusted and appreciated, no matter how unforgivable locus thinks himself to be.

their first interaction being the way that it was really makes their dynamic work, because they begin their partnership without anything to hide from each other. this opens up so many avenues for them to continue having a very emotionally open and honest friendship, since grif has already shown his vulnerable side to locus, and grif already knows how locus used to be and trusts him despite of it.

now i want to compare grif and simmons to grif and locus.

grif and simmons have a long history together. they are attached at the hip and have watched each other grow as people over the years. they know each other better than anyone else.

HOWEVER, they are both very emotionally repressed people. they avoid showing emotional vulnerability, and struggle to even admit that they enjoy each other’s company.

While it is obvious that they are much closer than grif and locus, they are held back by their inability to be vulnerable and deeply communicate their feelings to each other.

grif and locus don’t have this barrier, as a result of the circumstances of how they met. unlike grif’s relationship with simmons, they don’t have a whole history together of being emotionally repressed that determines how they’re used to interacting with one another.

I really think that grif and locus are the exact type of person that the other needed at the time that they meet. They could be each other’s confidant, the one person that they can trust to be fully accepting, in which they don’t need to feel unashamed about being vulnerable around.

[tirfpikachu]

sometimes i feel like, in certain cases, "detrans woman" and "nonbinary woman" ain't too different. and could even be used simultaneously by the same person without much issue. after all, isn't processing internalized misogyny and escaping the gender roles box for womanhood also a way someone can at the same time not feel like a binary man, not feel like a binary woman, but not feel like a not-woman either? after unlearning all the bullshit male society taught us, it can be destabilizing and create distance between us and other women. we might no longer feel like a normie woman. we've been awakened. we're no longer a gender roled woman, rolled up in everything she was taught she needed to be or she would fail at womanhood. we're an unfailible woman, we can't get a bad grade in womanhood bc we don't care about gender grades. we know it's all bullshit. we took back the power patriarchal society had over us. in that sense, we're not willingly binary anymore. and i think, over time, it's only going to get harder and harder to find women who are happily into the gender roles, the gender box assigned to them.

people fucking hate that, ofc. especially male people, and doubly so cis/bio men. they hate that we're awakened women. they hate that we found feminism and sisterhood and go detrans or use nonbinary in addition to woman, bc we reconnect with our body type and our upbringing. and by they, i mean both sides btw. the patriarchy hates that we found our power, of course. non-feminists scoff at us.

and... mainstream trans activists hate that our journey got us here, and hate how we make dysphoria seem curable in unmedical ways and transness more complex than they like to think. we complicate things. they hate that they found power in changing themselves (whatever makes them feel at peace ofc), while we tried to as well, but in the process we found our power was within us all along. we found that just being neutrally sexed animals, just female humans, female animals, girls the way that one calls a cat a sweet girl, cat first girl second, human first girl second... our bodies, our gender category, don't define us. anymore, anyways. anyone who defines us by our womanhood is a bigot, and we scrubbed our brains free of all the shit patriarchal brainwashing left in us. and for us, personally, it was enough to free us. that's not the case for anymore. some folks need more than that. some folks need to modify themselves beyond recognition to feel at peace with themselves. but i do hope they know that deep down, they were always good beings all along. i hope they know that gender is bullshit and sex says nothing about anyone's worth, personality, goals, interests, etc. it says fuckall about any of that. i don't care if i get a male or female rabbit. a rabbit is a rabbit. if i feel affection for a new pet, our connection is what matters [*]. i would never assign someone gender roles based on their sex. but it's sadly done way too often by parents and male society. if you're trans, temporarily or forever, you gotta clean up all your internalized misogyny and sexism/gncphobia. find kinship with other female people, or male gnc people if you're male. just check off some boxes. clean everything up. deep-clean your mind and your heart first.

[*] insert tras here being like, "why can't you be like that about dating? you dirty close-minded terfy homo dyke? why can't you love beyond genitals? beyond just bodies?" and these days i laugh and laugh and laugh at that shit because wow they have zero clue!! they don't know the sense of peace at having my female/afab body against another female/afab body, at knowing we were born the same, at knowing we went thru the same growing up, at knowing we understand eachother so, so deeply without saying a word bc she is what i am, she is where i have been, and i have suffered as she has suffered, and we are a love born of the connection all female beings share, the connection of bio dick havers treating us as prey. not knowing we're more powerful than they could ever dream of. do bodies like ours not hold the godly powers of creation itself? are we not gods in the literal sense, born creators, who get to choose if a new life should be made? do we not hold the future in the palm of our hand? to the dismay of penised beings? and do me and my beloved not love eachother only the way two gods could love one another, knowing the struggle, knowing the power? is the patriarchy not fighting tooth and nail to control us, wrestle us into submission before their phallic altar? do they not know it's impossible, for everything in us would dry up at the sight? do they not know that we can rely on sisterhood to get us through fucking anything? do they not know we masculinized ourselves and found ourselves happily female anyway? do they not know that i'd love her with a beard and five eyes, but if she was reborn male we would not be the same people to begin with (tho ofc i like to think the bodyswapped versions of us would have a love story too, we would not be us anymore, not this timeline's love story, she would be a different version of her and i would miss our og love)? because what is anyone without memories, and aren't childhood memories, puberty memories, some of the experiences most affected by one's body type (under the patriarchy), some of the most developmentally significant memories of all? is female just genitalia and estrogen puberty to tras, to "hearts not parts" type folks?

is female just a meat suit and not also the life experiences linked to it, our upbringing, a rich female culture one is born into? trans women might be immigrants into this female culture if they pass post-transition, they might get the exact body, but they just don't know the culture the way born into it do. any transfem will admit being transfem is hard, it's hard to merge into female culture when they self-admittedly don't know much about it. anyone not having been born into this culture, not being fluent the way only a native resident of femaleness can be, will show signs of it even if it's been 50+ years. you can't just wipe someone's upbringing clean, your past always leaves traces, and a transfem wouldn't be able to bond with other female4female lesbians on basic female upbringing things... when those are the things that make being into other female ppl so attractive for many of us! we just get eachother. we understand without even saying anything. we understand female body issues. there's a warm sense of peace emanating from that knowledge in my heart, knowing me and my girlfriend were born the same. we went through so many of the same things, all the good and the bad sides of growing up female. and i find that attractive as hell, and it brings me immense joy in life. there's so many inside jokes a transfem just wouldn't get the way my gf can. and i unfortunately need to add, since people get defensive, that this isn't shaming the transfem for not having those experiences. i hope the transfem will come to terms with not being female too. she can be a woman in society, but she's not born this way, she's an immigrant into womanhood, and that's okay. she still needs to let lesbians who are only into people raised female enjoy our unique sexuality that she just can't understand. i can't understand the transfem4transfem experience either. so what? isn't lgbt or 2slgbtqia+ or whatever culture all about inclusion and diversity in sexuality and gender expression? what about those who are girls the way animals are girls? we hate gender roles but we're personally definining cis womanhood as being female animals, female humans? what's so twisted about that? what about female4female lesbians? transmasc4transmasc can exist, why not us? why make everything so stupidly complicated for no reason? why shame us for how we were born, for being into others like ourselves?

i pity them, honestly. watch them bring girldick and male upbringing experiences to female4female lesbians, watch as we'll all dry up like the dying succulents on our windowsills and sip drinks laughing at the naked male bodies before us because they're so unsexual to us homodykes. watch as we raise eyebrows at the male's lack of misogyny in her upbringing, her lack of expertise on female culture, and just... everything that's so fundamentally unappealing to us. we can be friends. we can be allies. thankfully though, sex and marriage isn't activism. you can't play woke in the sheets. if you do, that's honestly sad. love isn't political. heteros made it political, but love is just love. and the love between two female people is normal. boring at times, even. we're normies. and if mainstream tras can't see that, well, maybe they have issues to work through in therapy. idk.

if two dysphoric ppl working through really hard shit end up feeling at peace with being female animals, female humans, and loving one another, if that's threatening, if that's bigoted, if that's twisted, well...

we detrans chicks and homodykes will find our own place to hangout. and we'll be nice to your faces, of course, but behind doors we're having a blast with others like ourselves. people like us have done this for as long as humanity has been alive, anyways. we always go underground and make it work anyhow. radblr is proof of that. idc if i have to go door to door checking if any homodyke is there, or if i have to comb thru tra spaces to find cool detrans folks, i will find others like me. that's what the marginalized have always done.

we're like lizards. we'll just find a cooler rock to party under🦎✌️

[mister-qi]

Mr. Qi Friendship and Romance Mod: 4/19 Progress Update

It's a working title, I'm trying to come up with something less wordy that still will pop up in Nexus searches.

I wanted to be able to track my progress, mainly for myself, but if you're curious, this is the state of the mod right now:

Writing:

Heart Events - the 2 heart event is fully written (with blocking directions), and the 6, 8, and 10 heart events are outlined. The 4 heart cutscene currently has me a bit stumped; I have ideas, but nothing concrete yet. I definitely now understand why Sam's 4 heart cutscene is him dropping an egg. 14 hearts is on the back-burner as a little treat to myself once I get further into things.

Generic Daily Dialogues - about 1/3 done, probably the highest priority for writing. I'm leaving his vanilla casino dialogue as the two heart dialogue, and the vanilla Walnut Room dialogue as his four heart dialogue, with a few small changes. And, since it's me, I have more marriage dialogue written than anything else...

Day-Specific Dialogues - very few written, lower priority. Hoping to have a lot of these made eventually, and I have plenty of ideas, but they aren't necessary for the core of the mod so they're on the back-burner for now.

Gift Dialogues - all 5 generic gift response dialogues are written, with an additional 22 dialogue lines for specific items/groups of items. I'm also up to around item 530 in figuring out what item corresponds to which dialogue/whether or not he likes it. Certain item groups, like cooked food, still need more lines, however. This is definitely something that should be low priority, but also something I'm really enjoying working on. Some personal favorites so far are-

[if given a fish (hated)]: "Eugh, it's all slimy..."

[if given a legendary fish (disliked)]: "If you must give me one of the rarest fish in the valley, can you at least wrap it so I don't have to touch it with my bare hands?"

And I think that's pretty funny.

Art

Portraits - 3 new portraits finished: "deep frown" "glint" and "glasses-less". I'll probably be messing with "glasses-less" for a looong while; it's first shown at a dramatic moment so it needs to look good. Blushing portraits are next on the docket.

Here's "glint" btw, with a background thrown on so I can have a custom icon. You know I gotta make him do the anime glasses thing a few times.

Sprites - no progress yet. Walk cycle is up next after I finish the blushing portraits. Did you know he doesn't have a walk cycle at all? [1.6 spoilers] in the cheated Summit cutscene where he attacks(?) you, he literally just slides at you very fast. Anyways, I may also change his map sprite a bit as well, since it was drawn to match his old portrait and doesn't actually have the same color scheme as his sprites. Note to self: is it possible to make the sparkles on his outfit prismatic?

Maps - no progress yet. The 6 heart and 10 heart cutscenes both require custom maps, with the 6 heart one being a fully custom asset. 10 heart recycles some existing assets but will still need some custom stuff done as well.

Misc Sprites - in my head, there's a dream version of the 8 heart cutscene that has so, so many unique sprites. Like an incredible amount of stuff. I think it'll kick ass, but also that sequence could be done with a few lines of text. So, for now, it's low priority. But maybe in a few months I'll put out a request for help.

Implementation

Not totally sure how to split this into sections yet, as I'm very much still in the preliminary stages so far. To say that I'm feeling overwhelmed is an understatement; documentation on the wiki swings wildly between "an asset is a file in a video game" and "this is an advanced tutorial. Read these 4 other pages first before continuing."

I've started using Ms. Coriel's NPC Creator which has been good for setting up the basic file structure, but ultimately doesn't cover some of the more complex stuff I want to do. EDIT: Turns out it's completely outdated for 1.6! Had to throw out a bit of work, but I still learned from it so it's fiiine.

I think setting up his "schedule" will be a challenge, in that I don't actually want him to have a real schedule like most NPCs. Not to pull back the curtain too much here, but I want him to "exist" in both the Casino and the Walnut Room simultaneously, which is to say, he does not exist in two places at once in the narrative, just in the code. This will change after marriage, however.

My next goal is to set up placeholder cutscenes for each of the heart events, and then to implement the generic daily dialogues once those are finished.

Final Notes

God, this will be a work in progress for a while, but I'm enjoying it! Definitely enjoying the writing more than anything else, but hey, that's how it be. I've got around 70 lines of dialogue written, a bit of art done, and I've started learning how to actually get stuff in game. I've always been more of a designer than a coder, but it's getting there!

ADDITIONALLY I've decided that if I abandon this project for more than 8 months, anyone is welcome to request my work so far and use it for their own mod. If this blog hasn't posted in a long while, feel free to send me an ask or message! I may say no, however.

Ultimately, I want this mod to exist in some fashion. While there is an existing one, I have a pretty different take on the character and I want to share it with you all! Every line of dialogue, every heart event, every little detail needs to share something interesting about a character and their world. Yet, Mr. Qi is a mysterious guy, and I think some things should be left up to player interpretation. And I think it's crucial to be able to match his tone and voice to the vanilla game, while also expanding on his characterization. It's a fun challenge to write, and I hope the finished product, uh, well I hope it gets finished mostly, but I think it'll be pretty good.

Thanks for reading all this. This is largely just a stream of consciousness for myself, but I hope it's...interesting, or something?

[cuubism]

@magnusbae challenged me to write smut using professional email language, and i'm nothing if not a slut for abusing corporate jargon!

-----

>> Saturday, March 26, 8:32pm – Morpheus <morpheus @ dreaming.com> to Office (All):

Subject: TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

I do not appreciate tardiness. Cease your dallying at once come Monday morning. Or there shall be consequences.

>> Saturday, March 26, 8:41pm – Hob <robert @ dreaming.com> to Morpheus:

RE: TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Morpheus, mate, all due respect, what with your being the sole god, ruler, and iron-fisted authoritarian of the place, but do you have nothing at all better to do than send work emails on a Saturday night?

And before you say, "but Hob, you yourself are replying to emails this Saturday," you are so right! I’m currently drinking alone :)

>> 8:42pm – Morpheus to Hob

I should fire you for such insolence.

>> 8:47pm – Hob to Morpheus

Do it then :)

Alternative proposal: we commit several HR violations like we did in the office on Thursday.

>> 8:50pm – Morpheus to Hob

All proposals must be submitted to me in writing.

>> 8:52pm – Hob to Morpheus

You really want a paper trail?

>> 8:56pm – Morpheus to Hob

It has an email trail already, does it not?

>> 9:05pm – Hob to Morpheus

Please find attached my detailed proposal.

attachment: :)_version_1.docx

>> 9:07pm – Morpheus to Hob

This is twelve pages that only say, “I want to suck your dick.”

>> 9:09pm – Hob to Morpheus

What, have you got edits or something?

Do you need more time to review? Wanna circle back on it later? Block some time on my calendar to go over it? ;)

>> 9:15pm – Morpheus to Hob

My redline is attached.

attachment: :)_version_2.docx

>> 9:17pm – Hob to Morpheus

I’m amenable to those changes.

But on second pass I think we can accomplish more in this partnership. I think I’d like to take you apart slowly, have you begging. You’re always demanding, I think it might be good for you to beg for once. It’s not good business to agree without a little negotiation. I wanna see you beg for my cock.

What are your thoughts on this addition?

>> 9:40pm – Hob to Morpheus

Hi Morpheus, I hope this finds you well. Just following up on this question :)

>> 9:50pm – Morpheus to Hob

Perhaps I am considering.

You may wish to consider that I am your boss.

>> 9:53pm – Hob to Morpheus

I think there’s been a miscommunication. You seem to be laboring under the misapprehension that I give a fuck about that.

>> 9:54pm – Morpheus to Hob

I truly should fire you.

>> 9:55pm – Hob to Morpheus

Don’t you think you deserve to cum first?

>> 9:56pm – Morpheus to Hob

After I beg for it, you mean?

>> 9:57pm – Hob to Morpheus

Now you’re getting it.

If I correctly guess that you’re in your bed, that you’ve BEEN in your bed while you’re “considering,” do I get a gold star? Employee of the month?

>> 10:00pm – Morpheus to Hob

There is no possible universe where you win such an award.

However, your supposition may be correct.

>> 10:02pm – Hob to Morpheus

Excellent, so we’re on the same page, then :)

Are you touching yourself? Are you imagining it’s me touching you instead? Because I’m imagining I have you under me and I’m fucking into your tight hole instead of my hand. (And typing emails w/ one hand is not so easy btw).

>> 10:03pm – Morpheus to Hob

I have two fingers inside me. But it is not enough. I would have your cock.

>> 10:04pm – Hob to Morpheus

I think you know what I wanna hear.

>> 10:05pm – Morpheus to Hob

…Please.

>> 10:06pm – Hob to Morpheus

There’s a good boy.

Don’t worry, love, I’ll give you everything you want. You’re taking me so good, I just know it. Going to feel it for days.

>> 10:07pm – Morpheus to Hob

I am.

Yes

I would have you come in me. If you’re amenable.

>> 10:08pm – Hob to Morpheus  

Fuck you make me so hot. Yeah I’m amenable. Will you cum for me first? Can you cum just from the feeling of me inside you?

10:09pm – phone call from <unknown>

“I thought… you would want to hear it.”

“God your voice… did you get this number from the HR directory?”

“What if I did?”

“Kinda stalkery but kinda hot. Are you close?”

“Very. I… I want you. Badly. Please, Hob.”

“I have you, darling. Ah, you beg so pretty. You can come. I want to hear you. Can you do it without touching yourself? Be good.”

“I can’t—”

“I know you can. Go on. Imagine me with you. Holding your hands to the bed so you can’t touch yourself. I can imagine how beautiful you look. I’d kiss you if I was there, wreck your mouth, too.”

“Hob—”

“Go on. For me?”

“Ah—”

“There you go, sweet thing. I wish I could see you.”

“Will you… come for me now? So I can feel you inside me?”

“Fuck—”

“Good. You feel… so good. Worthy of employee of the month, perhaps.”

“Oh, fuck you, Morpheus. You don’t even have awards at this place.”

“Of course I don’t. That would be inane.”

“Are you satisfied with my efforts, at least?”

“I am pleased to say that I am.”

“Still, I think we should probably debrief that meeting. You wanna touch base about it in person? Say… eleven pm? My calendar’s clear.”

“…Yes.”

[fixfoxnox]

Learn To Share - Soap/Roach/Ghost

Description: Soap walks in on Ghost and Roach together and it leads to him finally getting his hands on Roach.

Warnings: Smut, Blowjobs, masturbation, semi-public sex, threesome, fingering, anal sex, dom/sub, insults in the bedroom (minor), sexual fantasies, tiny bit of dub-con (Soap watches them have sex and they don't realize until like halfway through), dirty talk,

Note: This is an 18+ fic!!!! It's technically a non-canon addition to SiTO, but you don't have to have read SiTO to understand, I just use the Soap/Ghost/Roach dynamics that I established there. This is 2009 Ghost/Roach/Soap btw

Word Count: 11k

Soap cursed to himself, looking over the paper in his hand with narrowed eyes. He'd checked this stack of papers twice before leaving the room. Twice! And yet, somehow, this paper had escaped his notice.

Ha gave a small groan, running his hand along his face as he realized that he was going to have to go find Roach again. Normally, it wouldn't have bothered him. He loved Roach, hell, he had a massive fucking crush on the man, but Roach and Ghost had just returned from a mission together and it was clear to see that Ghost was in a mood.

He'd felt it. Those eyes glaring holes into him as he handed Roach a few papers to sign. He'd been almost sure that the man was going to punch him when one of his quick jokes had pulled a delighted laugh from Roach's throat. Roach's hand had landed on his arm while he laughed and Soap had gone warm.

He'd never try anything on Roach. He knew that the man was in a happy relationship with Ghost. He knew that he had no chance with him. It did nothing to dispel his crush. It did nothing to change the fact that he was only falling harder for one of his men.

Despite Ghost's bad mood, he needed these papers signed. They were due quite soon and Roach had the next few days off, he really didn't want to disturb the younger man during his rest.

With all that in mind, he steeled himself to face Ghost's ire before leaving his office, making his way toward the locker room where the two men would, no doubt, still be cleaning up after the mission.

He made his way quickly down the halls of the base, not passing by anyone as he walked. It wasn't too much of a surprise to him, being how late it was. He'd stayed up specifically to wait for Ghost and Roach to make it back to base, he wanted to see with his own eyes that his men were safe.

He didn't bother knocking when he arrived at the locker room. The team members had all seen each other either fully or practically naked at one point. It wasn't something any of them were shy about anymore.

He pushed the door open, hearing one of the showers in the room going as he walked through the little hallway before the room opened up fully. It didn't sound like anyone was in the shower, so he assumed that one of the men had turned it on to warm the water up. It wasn't until he turned the corner into the open room that he realized that perhaps the shower was on for another reason. Such as covering up any noises the two men might make.

He froze in his place, staring quietly as heat crept up his neck at the sight before him. There was Ghost, stripped of all of his gear, his back pressed against the cold tile of the bathroom wall as he leaned against it for support. His head was tilted back, sweat and dirt still sticking to his forehead. There was a look of bliss on his face.

In front of him, on his knees, was Roach. Roach still had his pants and boots on, but his shirt had been discarded across one of the benches. Soap couldn't see his face, but he could see the way that his hands and mouth were so obviously wrapped around the length of the man in front of him.

Soap knew he needed to move, knew that he needed to leave the room before either of the men noticed him and the situation became something more than it needed to. He should just leave, and pretend he never saw a thing. He couldn't make himself move, though. He couldn't make himself leave. He was stuck in place, watching quietly as Roach sucked Ghost off.

He could feel himself growing hard in his pants at the sight in front of him. He couldn't see the specifics of Roach's movements, but it was clear to see from Ghost's face and the tight grip that he had on Roach's hair, that the younger man was doing wonders with his mouth. He could hear a short groan leave Ghost's mouth and he was surprised to hear the man begin to mutter to Roach, "Fuck, so good, Bug. So good for me."

He could only barely hear Roach hum in response, pulling another low groan from Ghost. He watched, mesmerized as Roach pulled off from the man with a pop before tilting his head to the side to place several kisses and licks along the side of Ghost's shaft.

He could see what Roach was doing with his hands much more clearly at that moment, and he couldn't help but admire how one of his hands wrapped tightly around Ghost's cock, stroking in tight slow movements. His other hand was down further, slowly massaging Ghost's balls in the palm of his hand. Soap could only imagine how good it felt. He knew it felt better when Roach returned his mouth to sink around the other man's cock.

He could see the way that Roach's movements sped up, he could see how Ghost's fingers in his hair tightened. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, just like that, bug, just like that. Close, so, so close." Ghost's voice was nothing more than a low rumble and his words caused Soap's eyes to return to his face, noting how it twisted up with pleasure.

Perhaps Soap watched him for too long. Perhaps Ghost could feel someone staring. Perhaps neither. It didn't matter, what did matter, was that after a few moments of staring, Ghost's eyes opened and Soap found himself locking gazes with the other man.

He could feel his face go bright red at being caught, but still, he didn't move. He expected Ghost to quickly pull Roach off of him, sling on some clothes, and come to give him a, definitely deserved, beating. He was surprised when none of that happened and, instead, Ghost simply held his gaze, tightened his fist in Roach's hair, and began to move his hips, fucking the mouth of his boyfriend. All while Soap watched.

There was something filthy about it. Something wrong. Soap knew that the only reason Ghost probably hadn't kicked him out was a show of dominance. Proof to him that Roach belonged to the other man. Soap didn't care, not when he could hear Roach gagging and moaning against the other man's cock. Not when he could see Roach's hand abandon Ghost's cock in order to dip beneath the waistband of his pants with a whimper. Not when Ghost was moaning out praise to the man, his eyes locked onto Soap as he spoke.

It didn't take long for Ghost to finish, his eyes rolling back slightly as he pulled out of Roach's mouth and jerked himself to completion, his spend splattering across Roach's chest. There was a moment of silence, filled only with little whines and groans from Roach as he, no doubt, touched himself under his clothes.

When Ghost came back to himself, he met Soap's gaze again. A small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. His hand, still in Roach's hair, slowly tilted Roach's head to the side, holding him with his cheek pressed against his thigh. Roach's eyes were shut tight and little gasps escaped his lips.

Ghost began carding a hand through Roach's hair, his eyes still trained on Soap. Soap needed to leave. He knew he needed to move. The noises from Roach and the look of his face twisted into pleasure kept him rooted in place, his cock aching in his jeans. He knew that the other man knew. It would have been hard not to notice the prominent bulge against his tight clothing.

After a moment, Ghost gave a quick tug of Roach's hair, the movement causing the other man's eyes to open just slightly. It was just enough.

Soap could see his eyes widen before his head was whipping to the doorway and they were locking eyes. He could see as shame, embarrassment, and something else flashed across the younger man's face as he recognized that Soap was standing in the doorway, watching him touch himself. Those emotions didn't stay for long when, only a second after he noticed him, Roach was giving a small choked-out whimper and doubling over, a wet spot forming at the front of his trousers where he'd no doubt just finished in his pants.

The movement seemed to free Soap from his frozen state and he didn't hesitate before turning tail and making a quick, uncomfortable escape from the locker room.

He made a b-line for his room, unlocking the door as quickly as he could around his shakey hands before slamming it closed and locking it behind him. The paper was discarded on his overly crowded desk in favor of him throwing himself onto his bed, already working on the button and zipper of his pants.

He didn't bother taking his pants all the way off, instead, he simply pulled them and his boxers down just below his aching cock. He turned briefly to grab a bottle of lotion from his nightstand, pouring a slight bit into his hands. He rubbed it into his skin for a moment before quickly taking himself in hand, groaning at the stimulation.

He tilted his head back, panted groans leaving his mouth as the images and sounds from the locker room played on repeat in his head. He could hear Roach's moans and whimpers clear as day in his mind. He didn't think he'd ever forget them.

He remembered the way the man had wrapped his hands around Ghost's cock, how he'd licked, kissed, and sucked at the length of it like it was his only purpose. He let out another groan at the thought, his mind conjuring the image of Roach, kneeling between his legs. His mouth around his cock.

He could see it so clearly. Could see the way the other man would whimper for him so sweetly, how he'd look up at him through his lashes, catching his eyes innocently before hollowing his cheeks out with a filthy slurping noise against him. He gave a groan at the thought, his hand tightening around his cock. He knew that Roach would be good at it if Ghost's reactions had been anything to go off of.

He could see Roach pulling off of him with a popping noise. He could see the pout that would form on the other man's face before he would, oh-so innocently, ask, "Fuck my mouth, Captain?"

Soap would never deny him. Not when he asked so sweetly.

He'd wrap a hand tight in the younger man's hair, shoving him back down onto his cock and setting a brutal pace. Roach would groan around him, the vibrations adding to his intense pleasure. He would hardly be able to handle the feeling of his cock touching the back of Roach's throat with every thrust. He could practically hear the way the man would choke around him, could practically see the drool dripping down his chin. He'd be almost gone with the feeling of the other's mouth.

He wouldn't be so far gone, though, that he wouldn't notice the way that the other man would squirm as he sucked him off. How his hands would drift toward his own aching cock, needing to touch himself. Soap wouldn't let him. Instead, he'd pull the man's mouth off of his cock, tilting his head up so that they could lock eyes. Roach's eyes would be blown out, his mouth hanging open as he looked up at him with desire.

He'd kick Roach's hands away with his foot before slotting his leg between the other's knees, pressing into his erection. Roach would give the most sinful gasp at the feeling as Soap leered down at him. "Go on," he'd say teasingly, "fuck yourself for me, like a good boy." He wouldn't give the younger man a chance to respond before beginning to fuck into his throat again.

Soap gave a long groan at the thought, his hand picking up speed against his cock as a coil began tightening in his gut. He stroked himself faster, imagining that the heat of his hand was the heat of a mouth instead.

He could practically feel the way that Roach would desperately cling to his leg, humping against him like an animal as his mouth was fucked raw. He could hear the other man whining, doing his best to mutter his name around the length in his mouth.

He thought about shoving himself further into the younger man's mouth. About making him gag and ensuring that his voice would be wrecked the next day. Making sure that everyone on base would know how good he'd been for his Captain.

Soap threw his head back at the thought, his cock jumping in his hand. He knew he was close as he continued stroking over himself in tight short jerks. He only needed a little more, only needed that final push to reach that sweet feeling of release.

There was a knock on his door. A voice, slightly gravelly, called out, "Captain? It's Roach, can we talk?"

Soap came with a hard grunt.

He felt the warm liquid of his spend dripping over his hands and down onto his clothes as he took in several deep and ragged breaths. There was a moment before another round of knocks hit his door and he felt panic set into his system.

"Captain?"

"One moment, Roach," he called out quickly. He shoved himself up from the bed, kicking his pants and underwear off quickly. He scooped down to grab them, rubbing to toss them into his bathroom so that they would be out of sight. He moved to rush to his drawers, kicking his table in the process and letting out a small curse at the pain that stubbed through his toe.

"Is everything alright?" Roach's voice was filled with concern, no doubt prompted by Soap's cursing.

"Fine! Just a moment," Soap didn't have time to clean himself up and dress, so he settled for grabbing one of his large towels and wrapping it around his waist. He threw his shirt off as well, not bothering to check where it landed as he made his way to the door.

He tugged it open, meeting the already red face of Roach. No doubt the man was still embarrassed from what Soap had seen in the locker room. "C-captain," he stuttered out, his eyes tracing over Soap's bare chest in a way that made the older man feel warm again and had his, still spent, cock twitching with interest.

"Sorry, Roach, I was about to take a shower," he lied easily, leaning against his doorframe to try and act casual.

"Right," Roach cleared his throat before looking to the ground, his hands fiddling nervously in front of him. "I just wanted to apologize for the locker room. Ghost and I have never done anything like that before and I swear it won't happen again."

Soap tilted his head at the younger man, feeling bad that he hadn't been able to control himself enough to leave before he'd been noticed, "It's alright Roach, just don't let it happen again." He tried to keep his voice as professional as possible, as though he hadn't just jerked himself off to the thought of him and those noises he'd made.

Roach gave a rapid nod of his head, "Of course sir!"

Soap gave him a short smile, "Here," he leaned over to his desk, pulling off the paper that had started this entire situation. He grabbed a pen as well, holding both items in one hand before giving it over to Roach. "Sign this for me? It's the reason I came to find you in the first place."

Roach took the paper quickly, signing it before handing it back to him. "I really am sorry sir," he said once again.

Soap gave him a comforting smile, "Really, it's fine Roach. Just, maybe try to convince your boyfriend not to kill me in training. Yeah?"

"I'll do my best," Roach gave him a hesitant smile in return, "I'll let you get to your shower. Night, Cap."

Soap gave him a small nod, "Night, Roach. Enjoy your days off." He watched the younger man give him a bright grin, some of that red still lingering on his face, before he turned down the hall.

Soap shut his door moments later, leaning against it with a deep sigh. He was truly and royally fucked.

There was a knock on his office door the next day. He knew exactly who was on the other side, he'd been expecting him. The man was much later than he assumed he would be.

"Come in, Ghost," Soap called out, running a hand over his face with a sigh. He tried to mentally prepare himself for a fight with the man. He could only hope he could leave without a black eye or bloodied lip.

As he suspected, the door opened slowly, revealing the masked face of Ghost. He stepped into the room silently, every move that he made somehow noiseless. It was as impressive as it was threatening. Soap watched him close the door to the office, noting that he didn't lock it behind him. He couldn't be sure whether that was a good thing or not.

Ghost turned, pulling his mask off of his face as he moved. He shoved the fabric loosely into one of his pockets and leaned against the door, his entire body exuding confidence as he stared Soap down. Silence hung over the two for several moments. They stared at each other, just like they'd done the night before.

Finally, Soap gave a sigh. "I know why you're here. If you're going to punch me, at least do it quick so I can get back to work." He pushed his paperwork into a neat stack at the side of his desk, hoping that, if he did get punched, he could avoid it scattering across the floor.

Ghost continued to silently stare at him for several moments, that confidence still radiating from him in waves. It was almost infuriating to Soap who wanted him to just say something. He got his wish a few moments later.

"Enjoy the show, Captain?" His words weren't harsh. They weren't filled with jealousy and anger as he'd expected. There was none of that. There was only a clear smirk on the man's lips that told Soap that he was enjoying watching him squirm.

He sent him a short glare. "Is that what you came here to do then? Make fun of me?" He scoffed, crossing his arms against his chest. "I'd rather you just punch me."

"It's a simple question," Ghost responded, his voice still just as calm, "Did you enjoy the show? Did you enjoy watching Roach choke on my cock?"

"Fuck you," Soap could feel himself going red. That heat spread from his neck and down his chest, seeping back into his cock. He could feel himself growing hard against his jeans again. It was a bit embarrassing.

"You did, didn't you?" Ghost gave him a bright grin, "Bet you went back to your room and fucked your fist at the memory, didn't you? Probably imagining it was you that he was on his knees for." Ghost tilted his head at him, his lips curling into a slight sneer, "It's a little pathetic, don't you think?"

Soap felt his cock twitch in his jeans and another flood of embarrassment raced through his system. He did not want to analyze why Ghost calling him pathetic had seemed to turn him on more. Instead, he steeled his face, "What do you want, Ghost? Are you just here to rub it in? Remind me that I don't have a chance?"

Ghost tilted his head at him carefully, watching him with that patient little smile on his face for several moments. Finally, he pushed off the door and started toward him slowly. Soap gave a sigh, preparing himself for the sting of a punch or a slap. None of that happened, instead, Ghost carefully leaned over the desk, placing his hands on the wooden surface so that he could get his face as close as possible to Soap's.

Soap had to resist the urge to back away from him, fear and something else pumping through his system. Ghost tilted his head, "Do you want to fuck my boyfriend, Captain?"

Soap blinked at the man, his mouth dropping open slightly. He was sure that his face had gone bright red at the question. "What?"

"Do you," Ghost raised an eyebrow at him, "Want to fuck my boyfriend?"

Soap ground his teeth together as he glared at the man. He was sure that he didn't look very threatening with his face still flushed, but he glared anyways. "You already know the answer to that," he ground out.

Ghost tilted his head at him a grin taking over his face before he tapped his hand on the desk between them excitedly and pushed himself back up. He pulled his mask from his pocket, "Good conversation, Captain. I look forward to our next."

Soap watched, silently, as Ghost secured his mask on his face before quickly leaving the room, just as silent as he'd been when he entered. He felt completely flabbergasted by the conversation they'd just had.

He'd had dread building in his chest all night, so sure that he was going to feel the full force of Ghost's wrath. Instead, he just got...whatever that was?

He gave a long sigh, running a hand along his face tiredly. He pushed himself back from his desk slightly, looking down with a groan as he realized that he was still hard in his jeans. "Fuck me." He pushed himself up from his desk, moving to the connecting bathroom.

He did not want to think too hard about the fact that he'd finished himself off in a matter of minutes, his mind supplying images of Roach whining underneath him as Ghost's voice called him pathetic.

It wasn't until days later that Soap was forced to face Ghost again.

He was in one of the break rooms, making himself a cup of sugary coffee to try to help keep him awake. His dreams for the past several nights had been nothing restful. They'd been filled with images from the locker room and his mind's own fantasies.

All of them saw him taking Roach in one way or another. In some, they were in the locker room, him taking Ghost's place. Some saw him taking Roach back to his room and taking him apart slowly on his bed, his tongue tracing every inch of his skin and making him squirm. In some, Roach shyly guides him back to his own room so that Soap can press him against a wall, shoving a knee between his legs and forcing him to grind against it until he came. Others saw him bending Roach over the desk in his office, a hand fixed over his mouth to keep him quiet as he moved the desk with the force of his thrusts.

There had been something else, something new in his dreams. Ghost. Typically the man would be in a corner of the room, watching Soap take Roach apart with his cock in his hand. He'd call things out to him, telling him carefully how best to make Roach scream. Sometimes he'd insult him, calling him a pathetic desperate little thing. Soap hated how much it seemed to turn him on.

Other times, Ghost would join them. Other times, he and the other man would have Roach pressed between them, fucking into him at the same time. Sometimes one of them would fuck his mouth while the other took him from behind. Soap had never even considered that as an opportunity before, but he knew he liked the idea. He could tell by the way he'd wake up hard and leaking against his skin.

In the past week, he'd nearly used all of the lotion in his little bottle. He was going to have to get more soon, something that made him annoyed as much as it embarrassed him.

He'd been able to take solace in the fact that he hadn't seen either Ghost or Roach in that entire time. The two had been given over a week of leave after their last mission and they'd spent most of it locked up in their shared room. While it might have normally disappointed Soap that he hadn't seen Roach in so long, he found himself grateful for it now. He didn't think he'd be able to look the younger man in the eye.

He'd banked on having several more days without seeing either of the men. Several more days to finally get his head on straight. So when he'd been pouring an ungodly amount of sugar into his coffee, idly stirring the now light brown liquid, he'd practically jumped out of his skin when he caught sight of Ghost behind him in the reflection of the sugar tin.

He'd turned to nervously face the man, realizing quite suddenly that they were completely alone in the room. He wondered if this was the point when he would get punched. If Ghost's usual jealousy had finally caught up with him. "Ghost," he acknowledged weakly.

"Captain," Soap could see that he was grinning, even with the mask on, "Come for a walk with me?"

"What for?" Soap asked carefully. If he was going to get beat up, he wasn't going to be stupid enough to walk into a trap.

"See Roach," Ghost answered simply. His eyes trailed down to the death grip that Soap had on his mug and amusement shone in them clearly. "Don't be so worried, Captain. If I wanted you hurt, I'd just do it."

"Fair point," Soap responded carefully, "Can I bring my coffee?"

"Best not," Ghost replied simply.

Soap gave a deep sigh, looking down mournfully at the cup of sweet sugary goodness that he'd been looking forward to. He'd just have to come for another cup later. He sadly poured the liquid down the drain of the sink, washing his mug out quickly afterward. Once he'd finished that, he turned back to Ghost, running a hand over his face tiredly, "Lead the way."

Soap couldn't see his face because of the mask, but if the way Ghost's eyes crinkled at the edges told him anything, he could assume that the man had given him a grin. It made his nerves shoot back up. It was never good when Ghost grinned at someone.

Ghost led him quickly through the halls of the base, never looking back to ensure that he was following. Soap knew the other man would know if he tried to dive away. He was probably listening to his footsteps as they walked, making sure that he was keeping up well enough.

Far too quickly for Soap's comfort, they arrived at the door to Ghost and Roach's shared room. Ghost didn't have to unlock it, he just stepped to the side and motioned him forward. "Guests first," there was something almost teasing in the way that he spoke. He very clearly knew something that Soap didn't.

Soap steeled himself, shooting only a cursory glance to Ghost as he stepped up to the door and hesitantly began pushing it open. He was surprised to see that there was nothing wrong in the room.

The first thing that his eyes went to was Roach. The younger man met his eyes with a nervous smile, he was sitting politely at the end of his bed, his hands folded together in front of him neatly. He looked absolutely adorable in his baggy pajamas. The shirt that he wore, no doubt Ghosts, hung off of his shoulder in a way that was oh so tempting to Soap. He tried to keep his eyes from the exposed skin of the man's collarbone, but it was hard to manage.

After a moment of staring, Soap hesitantly stepped into the room. Nothing seemed to be off, but something was clearly going on. "Hey, Roach," he acknowledged his friend, "you managed to get some rest?"

Roach nodded to him slowly, "Yeah, the past few days have been good."

Soap nodded to him, "That's good, can't have my favorite Sergeant falling asleep on the job can I?" He mentally cheered at the blush that his words pulled from the other man. Behind him, he could hear the door to the room being shut by Ghost. He didn't pay any mind to it, at least not until he heard the door's lock click into place.

He turned quickly then, watching as Ghost casually pulled his mask off and tossed it onto one of the crowded desks in the room. Ghost leaned carefully against the door, watching him with a smirk that made Soap's skin itch with heat. "Why did you lock the door?" He asked the words carefully, unsure if he wanted the answer or not.

Ghost tilted his head at him, his eyes glancing behind him at Roach briefly before returning. A grin spread across his lips, "You want to fuck my boyfriend."

Soap gave a sputter, cool horror filling his chest. There was no way that Ghost had truly just spoken those words in front of Roach. Sure, the man hated that he had feelings for his boyfriend, but he'd always allowed his secret crush to remain, well, secret.

He backed up lightly, turning so that he could look at both Ghost and Roach at the same time. He was sure his face was bright red as his eyes shot between the amusement that was written on Ghost's face and the embarrassment that was on Roach's. What the fuck was happening? "I don't," he cut himself off, "you-"

"Simon," Roach murmured out, his voice soft. His face was just as red as Soap's and, if he wasn't panicking, he likely would have stored the image away in his mind for his bank of fantasies. "Stop teasing him."

"He likes it when I tease," Ghost shot back, that smug grin still on his face, "Just like you do." Roach's face went redder at the words.

"What is going on?" Soap managed to get out after a moment. His heart was still racing in his chest, but he had to deal with the issue head-on. After all, Ghost was still blocking the door.

"You want to fuck my boyfriend," Ghost said the words again like they were the most obvious thing in the world. He paused for a moment, letting the words hang in the air between the three before he continued, "So I'm going to let you fuck my boyfriend."

Soap blinked owlishly at the man, all of the nerves zapped from his system and replaced rather quickly with complete and utter confusion, "What?"

"You can fuck Roach," Ghost motioned to Roach who was still sitting on the bed, his face red. He was twisting his shirt in his hands, refusing to meet Soap's eyes. "Have at it."

Soap stared at the man. This couldn't be real. He had to have heard the man wrong. There was no way that Simon "Ghost" Riley, the man who'd once almost thrown Soap from a building for staring at Roach too long, was actually telling him to sleep with his boyfriend. It couldn't be possible. It had to be a trap.

"This," Soap pointed at Ghost accusingly, "This is a trap, isn't it? You're going to use this as an excuse to report me or beat my ass without getting in trouble, aren't you?"

"It's not a trick," Ghost responded, amusement still clear on his face.

Soap shook his head wildly at the man, "I don't believe you!" He pointed at him accusingly, "You once literally choked me out because I complimented Roach's outfit for the day and made him blush. You've punched me for way less than that and now you're telling me to fuck Roach?" He shook his head again, "I can't believe it!"

"You did what?" Roach's voice rang out in the room, concern dripping from him. He'd always been a bit oblivious to Ghost's jealousy, both men knew that. They ignored his words.

"I've," Ghost paused, as though considering his words, "Reconsidered. When you saw us in the locker room, I didn't mind it near as much as I thought I would." Ghost gave him a grin again, "I think I could learn to share with you, MacTavish. So go on, take what you want."

Soap shook his head, "I still don't believe you!" He continued, completely missing the look that Ghost shot Roach and the silent communication that passed between the two. "This is very clearly a trap! You are not tricking me okay, I am far too smart for tha-"

Soap didn't have time to react when Roach's fists tightened into his shirt, yanking him down to his level so that he could slot their lips together sweetly.

Kissing Roach was better than Soap could have ever imagined. His lips were so soft, so inviting. Just the press of their mouths together was enough to make his mind go devastatingly blank. He could do nothing but wrap his arms around the other's waist and give in to the kiss, trying to keep up as Roach took control.

The kiss started so sweetly, in the back of his mind, Soap knew that it was meant to calm him down. This first kiss was to let him know that things were alright. This wasn't a trap. He was allowed to touch. The two broke apart for air for only a moment, but when they joined back together the kiss had changed.

Roach pressed closer to him, one of his hands coming up to run through his hair. Their kisses grew sloppy, more intense. Soap's hand itched to move and feel around the body pressed against his own. He tried to control himself, instead nipping at Roach's bottom lip until the shorter man opened his mouth just enough that he could invade his mouth with his tongue.

Soap couldn't keep his hands still for much longer, not when Roach was moving closer to him and panting so sweetly into his mouth. One of his hands moved up, tangling in the man's hair and gripping onto the locks, tugging Roach's head back so that he could take his mouth apart with his own more effectively. His other hand, the braver of the two, slipped down further, hesitating just a moment over the pajama pants that the man wore before taking a handful of the, extremely nice, ass underneath it. He used his grip to pull Roach closer to him, grinding against him shallowly.

The movement didn't provide much friction, but it still managed to pull a low whine from the back of Roach's throat. The noise went straight to Soap's cock and he could feel his jeans growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. That feeling wasn't helped by Roach reaching down to palm innocently against him through his clothing. He pulled away from Roach's mouth at the feeling, ducking down to let a hiss out against his shoulder before beginning to leave little nips, kisses, and marks along the exposed skin of Roach's collarbone.

The hand on Roach's ass changed its course, moving up to press under the man's shirt and trail over the skin of his chest. He could feel the way that his Sergeant shivered against him and he gave a bit of a growl into his neck in response. Soap's hand under Roach's shirt continued its exploration, and, soon enough, his fingers were brushing teasingly over one of his nipples.

The soft movement pulled a gasp from Roach and Soap was desperate to hear the noise again. He ran his fingers gently over the small bud again before giving it a quick flick with his thumb. He earned a moan from the move and he couldn't help but grin into Roach's shoulder as he felt him grind against his leg, the evidence of his arousal pressing warmly against him, even through the other's pants.

"Take him to the bed, Captain." Ghost's voice rang throughout the room, reminding Soap that he and Roach had an audience. He gave a shiver at Ghost's commanding tone, feeling himself heating up at the realization that, in one way or another, it seemed like one of his fantasies was about to come true. He groaned against Roach's neck at the thought, listening with delight to the younger man whimper against him as he continue to tease at his chest.

He listened to Ghost's instructions, carefully pushing Roach back toward the bed in the room. He hid his excited grin in the man's shoulder, managing to school it into nothing more than a small smile just moments before he was shoving Roach back onto the bed, watching with delight as the man let himself fall and looked up at him with wide eyes, glazed over with clear arousal.

Soap took in the sight in front of him, admiring the flush that ran down Roach's neck and underneath his shirt. He could see the outline of his cock through his pants and he couldn't help but lick his lips at the sight. Roach's lips were a bright red and slicked with spit from his mouth. Soap wanted to drop to his knees and worship him. He was too tempting.

He felt Ghost come to rest beside him looking down at Roach as well. They both just looked for a moment, quietly watching with arousal and amusement as a roach began to squirm under their gazes, his face going almost impossibly redder. After another moment, Ghost leaned over slightly to whisper to him, "Take his shirt off, that blush he's got goes all the way down." Soap could practically hear the grin in his voice.

He did as Ghost told him, sliding his hands under Roach's shirt and slowly lifting it. He exposed bits of Roach's chest piece by piece and he was pleased to see that Ghost had been right. He eventually was able to pull the shirt completely from Roach, tossing it off somewhere on the floor. He gave a grin at the sight beneath him, "Look at that." He turned to Ghost with a grin, "You were right." He turned back, reaching out to let his hand trail from the top of Roach's chest down to the bottom, following the path of dusted red that covered the man's chest and disappeared underneath his pants.

"Please," Roach squirmed under Soap's touch, arching up slightly when one of his hands brushed against his nipple again.

"Please what, Bug?" Ghost responded easily. He reached out to let his hands feel along his chest as well. He moved much quicker, avoiding teasing at Roach's chest in favor of slipping his fingers underneath the top of those sleep pants that he wore and snapping the waistband against his skin, "Use your words."

"Please," Roach panted up at the men, squirming more as Soap's hand began to fully tease at his chest, flicking, twisting, and rubbing against one of his nipples and sending shocks of pleasure down his spine. "Want," he gasped a bit when Ghost's hand began slowly pulling his pants down his hips, making sure to let the fabric press against his dick as he did so. "Want the two of you naked." He managed with a whine, "It's unfair, I'm the only one undressed."

"He makes a fair point," Soap responded with an amused hum, his eyes drawn to where Ghost was still slowly exposing Roach's bottom half to the air. He could feel his mouth water a bit as, finally, Roach was fully freed of his clothing, his cock springing out. He was fully hard and already leaking at the tip, Soap had to resist the urge to lean down and take a little taste of the man. "What do you think?"

Ghost gave a pleased hum, as he only watched the length of Roach's cock for a moment. "I think," he glanced at Soap with a grin, "that it's much more fun when he's the only one naked. I like it when he's so vulnerable under me, I think you will too."

"Simon!" Roach whined at the man's words, looking over to Soap with wide-pleading eyes. "Captain, please!"

Roach's words pulled a low groan from Soap, his eyes rolling back just slightly as his words rushed through his system. He was going to have to give Roach something else to call him or he was going to get hard any time he was called Captain after this. "John, Bug. Call me John." He gave him a grin, "I'm afraid I don't know much about taking care of you yet, Bug. I'll have to listen to Simon here. He's my teacher after all."

Roach gave a low whine in response, his hands coming up to cover his face in embarrassment. Soap could see the way that the younger man's cock twitched though, and he knew that he'd made the right choice. Ghost gave him a grin, "Here, wrap your hands around him for a moment. Take him slow or he'll spill over your fist. It'll give me time to get a few things for us."

Soap followed his instructions again, taking Ghost's place between Roach's sprawled-out legs. He wrapped one of his hands firmly around the length of Roach's cock, letting out a low groan as Roach bucked up into his hand with a whimper. He reached down then, undoing his own pants and pulling down his zipper. He needed some sort of relief from the tight confines of his clothing. He didn't miss the way that Roach's eyes, bright and hungry, followed the movement.

Soap leaned over the man slightly, hovering over him just long enough to mutter, "Let me know how I do, Bug? Let me hear those pretty noises that you make." He started to slowly move his hand.

He kept his pace slow, just like Ghost had instructed him to, but his hand around the younger man was tight. Roach gave a choked-out moan at the feeling, his mouth falling open with gasping pants. Soap admired the sight as he continued his slow stroking. He knew that the feeling had to be maddening for the younger man, especially as he continued, never increasing his speed or changing the tightness of his fist. Roach's hands were twisted up into the sheets on the bed, pulling and grasping as he sought some sort of purchase from the slow and insistent pleasure that just wouldn't be enough for him.

Moans continued to escape Roach's open mouth, his eyes would occasionally meet Soap's and he would let out a desperate whimper. Every noise from his lips and every reaction from his body went straight to Soap's cock. He brought his free hand away from where he'd firmly placed it on Roach's leg while stroking him and slipped the hand under the waistband of his underwear.

"John," Roach whined at the sight, his eyes transfixed on the place where Soap's hand disappeared under his clothes, "Please! Please, want it so bad." Soap palmed at his aching cock, his head tilting back slightly at the feeling. He still managed to keep his eyes firmly on Roach, even as the pleasure from grinding against his palm wracked through his system. "Want you so bad," Roach tried again, reaching out with grabby hands toward him. The sight was almost too tempting for Soap.

The hand still stroking Roach picked up speed just slightly, just enough to have the man arching his back and trying to jerk his hips up, seeking friction for himself. Soap had to hurriedly remove his hand from his pants, pressing it instead firmly onto Roach's hips to keep him from jerking. He admired the way his hand looked against the flushed skin underneath it and he couldn't help but tease Roach more, swiping his thumb across the head of his cock as his mouth dived down to begin sucking marks onto the skin of his hip.

"Such a good boy, Bug," Ghost reappeared next to Soap, setting a nearly empty bottle of lube onto the bed. Soap realized suddenly that the man had likely been watching him stroke Roach for several minutes, just observing. After all, it certainly wouldn't have taken him so long if he was just getting lube. The thought sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. "Like it when John strokes your cock like that?"

Roach gave a whine from low in his throat, a noise that pulled a chuckle from both Soap and Ghost. "Please, Simon," Roach moaned out, tossing his head back, "Please, please, I've been so so good."

"He begs so sweetly doesn't he?" Ghost gave a grin, one of his hands moving to stroke along Roach's inner thighs teasingly, just brushing over his balls with the touch.

"He does," Soap confirmed with a chuckle, he moved his mouth away from Roach's hip, standing up fully once again so that he could watch Ghost's hands tease at the younger man. He gave a quick glance up at Roach's face, twisted up in pleasure before adding, "He makes such pretty noises as well. Bit of a temptress I think."

Ghost gave a slow chuckle, "Oh you have no idea." He slowly pulled his hand away from Roach's thighs, earning a disappointed whine from the man on the bed. "Hand off his cock now, John." Soap did as he was told, giving him one last stroke before taking his hand away, pulling yet another whine from Roach. Neither of the men paid him any mind, instead focusing on each other for just a moment as Ghost grabbed the bottle of lube and held it out for Soap. "I keep him fairly well stretched," Ghost started with amusement, his eyes trailing down to where Roach was squirming uncomfortably, clear embarrassment on his face from the words, "But he's tight. You'll want to prep him again. Hold on."

To Soap's surprise, Ghost stepped toward him, his hands tugging at the waistband of his underwear. He pulled the fabric down just enough that he could pull Soap's cock out, his hand giving a few quick strokes as he did. Soap, not expecting the movement, gave a groan, falling forward into Ghost's shoulder to give little open-mouthed pants as that hand continued to stroke over his cock. "Fuck," he muttered desperately.

Ghost gave a slight snicker at that, "Panting like a bitch in heat, Captain. All I do is get a hand on you and you can hardly stand properly, bit pathetic isn't it?" Ghost gave another low chuckle as he felt Soap's cock twitch in his hand. Soap gave a groan, his cheeks lighting up red as he realized that Ghost had certainly picked up on the fact that being talked down to by the man was turning him on.

After a few more moments of stroking him, Ghost, surprisingly, gently pushed him back. His hand stayed wrapped around his cock, stroking in slow movements, but he moved so that he could wrap himself around him from behind, his head landing to rest on his shoulder as he turned them so that they were facing Roach.

Roach had pushed himself up to lean against his elbows, his eyes watching Ghost stroke over Soap's cock hungrily. The sight of him pulled another groan from Soap. "What do you think, Bug?" Ghost tilted his head so that he could press a kiss against Soap's jaw, "How do you want him?"

Roach gave a groan, one of his hands moving up to tease at his nipples as he watched with panting breaths, "Inside me," he managed to pant out after a few moments.

Ghost gave a low chuckle, Soap could feel the vibrations of it against his back and he gave a short whine as that hand stroking against his cock tightened slightly. "You'll have to be more specific than that. Use your words, Bug, c'mon, tell us."

"Want," Roach stopped, biting his lip for another moment as his eyes traced over Soap's cock, taking in the way that it twitched and throbbed against Ghost's hand, "Want him inside. Want you in my mouth. Please." He looked up at the two with a pout, "Please, fuck me."

Ghost gave a low growl. Soap gave a groan at Roach's words, gasping a moment later as he felt Ghost grind against his ass, seeking temporary friction for the way that he was, likely, aching in his pants. Ghost gave a few more good strokes to his cock before slowly peeling himself away, pulling a groan from Soap as his cock was left twitching with the phantom feeling of that hand on him. He didn't mind too much, not when his eyes trailed over Roach's flushed body again and he was reminded of what was soon to come.

"Hold out your hand," Ghost ordered lightly, pulling Soap's attention toward where he was uncapping the bottle of lube. He opened his hand quickly, holding it out for the man to squeeze a decent bit of the cold slick substance onto his hands. "Start him with two fingers," Ghost capped the bottle of the lube, tossing it back down onto the edge of the bed. He grabbed one of Roach's legs pulling it up to hold it against his chest. The change of position allowed Soap a clear line of sight at Roach's clenching hole.

He didn't waste any time stumbling forward to drop to his knees between the man's legs. His lips latched onto the skin of Roach's inner thigh as he spread the lube in his hands over his fingers, trying to warm it up slightly for the man underneath him. After a few moments, he was satisfied with the warmth of the lube against his fingers, satisfied and no longer able to wait to feel the man clenching around him.

Soap wrapped one of his hands around Roach's other leg, the one not being pushed against his chest by Ghost, and tugged it to the side, spreading his legs open further for him. His hand stroked against the skin of his leg comfortingly as his other hand, with the lube on it, moved down to teasingly stroke around his hole, dragging at the rim for several moments. Roach gave a low keen at the feeling and both Soap and Ghost chuckled in response to the noise.

Finally, after several moments, Soap began pressing his fingers inside of the man. Slowly slipping two inside of him. He didn't stop until he hit the knuckle. Just like Ghost had told him, Roach was able to take his two fingers easily. He didn't bother waiting for him to adjust before slowly beginning to work those fingers in and out of him.

"God, look at that," Soap muttered as he watched his fingers sink in and out of the younger man. The warm heat fluttering around his fingers pulled a groan from him, "You're going to feel fucking incredible around me, Bug." He slowly scissored his two fingers, stretching the younger man open and pulling a whimper from his mouth.

It was like Roach couldn't keep quiet, a constant stream of panting moans and high-pitched whines left his throat, each of them making Soap press into him quicker, harder. The noises were almost too much for him to handle and he had to fight to keep himself from grinding against the bed in front of him. He was trying to be patient, trying to make sure that everything would be good for the younger man, but it was difficult when all he could think about was how good the heat against his fingers was going to feel around his cock.

"Another finger, stretch him nice and good for you," Ghost muttered, watching with hungry eyes as Soap's fingers worked Roach open. His hands were trailing across Roach's skin as he held his leg up. Occasionally he would reach down to give several short teasing strokes against his cock, a grin tugging at his lips almost every time that Roach's hips jumped up into the movement. Soap listened to his instructions, sliding his fingers out before moving them back into the man, three fingers sinking inside instead of two.

"Fuck, fuck," Roach panted out, his head thrown back as he began giving little jerks of his hips, trying his best to ride the fingers inside of him. "John," he whined out, his hands grasping into the sheets once again as Soap continued to work him open. "Please, please, so good." Soap pressed his fingers in further, changing the angle as he pressed in harder.

"Want it to burn a little?" Ghost looked down at Roach with a raised eyebrow, "Want him to split you open on his cock?" Soap shivered as Roach gave several quick and desperate little nods, whimpers escaping his open mouth desperately. "Ah, you would," Ghost growled out, giving a harsh little slap to his leg.

"Like it a little rough, huh, Bug?" Soap joined in on the teasing, moving his hands faster so that he was roughly fucking into the man with his fingers. He admired the way that Roach's legs began to shake in his hold, his hips trying and failing to keep up with the sudden change in speed. "Sweet boy," he muttered, pressing a kiss to his inner thigh.

"I'd say he's well prepared," Ghost gave him a grin, "Don't you think?"

Soap met his grin with one of his own, "I think he is." He gave a few more good thrusts of his fingers before slowly extracting his hand. He watched with a groan as Roach gave a whine, his hole clenching around nothing. He pressed another kiss to Roach's leg before pushing himself up from the floor to hover over him. Beside him, Ghost slowly lowered Roach's leg back down to the bed.

His hand reached out, grabbing one of Roach's arms and using it to haul him up from the bed, much to Soap's confusion. "C'mon, up you go, Bug." Roach whined, but followed the movement, slowly rising from the bed and allowing Ghost to wrap him up from behind, his hand landing on his cock and stroking just as he'd done to Soap earlier. He pressed a few kisses to Roach's neck before tilting his head toward the bed, "Go on, sit down."

Soap was confused, but he didn't question Ghost's instructions. He moved toward the bed, settling himself into a sitting position at the edge. He grabbed the lube next to him on the bed, squeezing some onto his hand before wrapping it around his own cock, a hiss escaping his lips at the cold liquid. He gave himself a good few strokes as he watched Ghost whisper into Roach's ear and stroke him slowly. After a moment, Ghost pressed a kiss to Roach's cheek before removing his hands from around him and nudging him toward Soap. "Go on, Bug." Ghost's attention turned to Soap then, a grin on his face as he added, "Try not to empty your balls the second you get inside of him, Captain."

Roach came slowly over to him on unstable legs, swooping down to press their lips together again. It was a filthy open-mouthed thing, their tongues tangling together as they pressed desperately closer to one another. Soap let his hands roam Roach's body for a moment, stroking, squeezing, and pulling at the other until Roach pulled away from the kiss, panting breathlessly as he turned around in front of him. He understood then what it was that the other two men intended, he couldn't find it in him to complain.

His hands came up, grabbing at Roach's hips and gently guiding him back toward him. He leaned forward to press a kiss to the small of the other man's back before slowly beginning to guide him down to sink onto his cock. He moved carefully tilting his head back with a groan as the tip of his cock began pushing into the tight warm heat of the man's ass. Roach gave several panting groans as he sunk further onto Soap's length, his legs shook and threatened to give out underneath him at the pleasurable burn. "Fuck Bug, so good," Soap tilted his head back, trying desperately to not finish inside the man in an instant. That would certainly be too embarrassing for him to handle, especially with Ghost's teasing from only a moment earlier.

"John," Roach groaned in response, his hands gripping tightly at Soap's arms as they wrapped around his middle. A few moments of slow movement later and Soap was finally buried balls deep inside of Roach, hitting nice and deep inside of him.

Soap gave him a moment to adjust, pressing open-mouthed kisses against his neck in an attempt to soothe him. After several moments, Roach started to move just slightly, up and down just enough to catch Soap's attention and pull a chuckle from his lips. He didn't say a word before beginning to cant his hips up, using his hands around Roach to lift him up and drop him back down to meet his hips. The warm slide of Roach around his cock pulled a low groan from his throat and forced him to begin moving faster. The noises of skin slapping skin filled the air, mixed together with high whines and moans from Roach and Soap.

Soap kept his hips moving, bouncing Roach up and down on his cock as he buried his face in his shoulder. He bit and sucked at the skin there, muffling his own noises of pleasure against his shoulder. He managed to peek up from Roach's shoulder, a startled gasp pulling from his mouth as he watched Ghost stand in front of them, his pants pulled down just below his cock so that he could stroke over the flesh while watching them. The sight made Soap press into Roach harder, pulling a startled gasp from the man.

"Like that?" Soap asked, placing nips and kisses just under Roach's ear. He pressed almost impossibly closer as the younger man could only choke out gasps in response to his question. His gasps came out in broken-off little pieces, matching the staccato of Soap's hips rutting into him. "C'mon, Bug, your words. Use them."

Roach still didn't respond, too busy whining and grinding himself back onto Soap's cock. A moment of no further answers and Soap watched as Ghost took several steps toward them, winding his hands in Roach's hair and tugging his head back to force his eyes up toward him. Roach gave a low moan in response to the harshness. "Answer him, Bug. Do you like bouncing on his cock? Hmm? Like it when he fucks you?"

"Yes!" Roach moaned out, "Ah, ah, fuck, fuck. John, please! Please keep going, don't stop." He pressed himself back further against his chest with a gasp, his hands reaching up to grab onto Ghost for support and Soap only redoubled his efforts.

Soap gave a low chuckle, looking up at Ghost with a grin as he forced Roach down onto his cock even harder. "Wouldn't ever dream of stopping, Bug. Gonna keep taking you just like this." One of his hands moved forward just slightly, just enough to wrap around Roach's dick to begin giving the length of it tight slow strokes along his burning skin. His eyes trailed up to watch Ghost stroke his cock in time with his thrusts. He leaned forward again, remembering Roach's words from earlier as well as his own fantasies from earlier in the week. "Wanna take Simon too? Hmm? Gonna suck his cock like a good boy?"

Ghost and Roach gave a groan in response to his words, their mixing noises pulled a grin to his lips. Ghost moved closer to them, using his hand in Roach's hair to begin pulling the man forward, just far enough that he could rut his cock onto his face. Roach gave a happy little groan at the feelings, tilting his head so that he could stick his tongue out to begin placing little licks and kisses along the length of the other man. "That's it, Bug. Open up for me."

Soap could only barely see as Roach opened his mouth fully, sticking his tongue out to let Ghost rub the tip of his cock against it repeatedly for a moment before slowly feeding his dick into his mouth. Soap's hips slowed slightly at the sight, his mind absolutely taken with the sight in front of him. After a few moments and Roach was practically pressed to Ghost's stomach, his nose buried in the curly hair at the base of his cock.

"That's it," Ghost groaned out, his head tilting back in the same way Soap had seen him do in the locker room earlier that week. "Fuck, take me so well don't you baby?" Roach gave a moan in response, the vibrations pulling a groan and shallow thrust from Ghost. Soap took the opportunity to pick his pace back up, thrusting into Roach harder. The result was instant, his thrusts almost naturally forcing Roach's mouth to move up and down Ghost's cock. The movement and the continued stroke against his dick began pulling moans from his mouth as well, the vibrations from his voice almost constant.

There was a choked-off moan from Ghost at the movement before his hand tightened in Roach's hair and he began to move his hips in time with Soap's thrusts, fucking Roach's mouth with a low groan. The three continued that way for several moments, both Ghost and Soap fucking into Roach from different ends, filling him up completely and pulling whines, whimpers, and moans from his lips.

The only noises in the room for several moments were the slapping of skin and the mixing of all three of the men's moans together. Sweat began slicking their skin, pleasure curling into their guts with every move. Soap could feel himself nearing the edge, his moan slowly going up in pitch and volume the more he fucked into Roach. The younger man was just so tight and warm around him, his walls fluttering and clenching around his cock so deliciously.

"Gonna come, John?" Ghost teased with a groan, his own face flushed red with pleasure, his eyes were locked onto Soap's face. "Fuck," he tilted his head back slightly, "I'll have to let you fuck his mouth next time. God, he's so fucking good at this, like he was made for it." Roach whined against him in response.

Soap could feel the younger man's legs begin to shake against him and he could feel the way that his dick was jumping in his hands, leaking fluids down the skin of his shaft and making the slide of Soap's hand against him much more pleasurable, much slicker. "Would you like that, Bug?" Soap asked teasingly, "want me to fuck your mouth next? Hmm?"

Roach only gave another high whine, pulling a chuckle from both Soap and Ghost once again, "I think he's close," Ghost moaned out, "you'll want to see this." To Soap's surprise, Ghost pulled Roach from his cock, shoving him back to lean against his chest so that he could see his face. Ghost took his own cock in his hand, stroking himself quickly. "Close, Bug? Tell us."

Roach answered them with a high whine, his eyes screwing shut and his mouth falling open as he began to babble out, "Yes, yes, yes, so close, so close, please, please, want- oh god!" Soap watched his face closely, feeling him tighten around him and his cock jump in his hands only a few seconds before a long and loud whine pulled from his throat, his hips jerking up as he spilled onto his own chest and over Soap's hand.

Soap couldn't watch for too long, the pleasure in his gut snapping as Roach tightened around him. He surged forward with a small groan, burying his face into Roach's shoulder as he emptied inside of him. His mind was deceptively blank as he continued thrusting up into Roach, riding out his orgasm until he was feeling the stings of overstimulation burn at him. By the time he began to slow, Roach was pawing at his hand that was still stroking his spent cock, trying to get him to stop the movement. He didn't stop immediately but did begin to slow his hand bit by bit to come to a slow halt. He sat comfortably inside Roach for several moments, both of them giving long panted breaths as their attention was stolen by Ghost.

Ghost was still stroking his cock, quickly, his head tilted back into a groan, but his eyes still firmly watching the two as they fully began to come down from their orgasms, their eyes locked on to the way that he stroked himself. "Simon," Roach moaned after a moment, catching the other man's eyes, "Come for us? Please." He gave another moan.

Soap could see the effects that the words had on the man, and he decided rather quickly that he might as well follow his lead. He pressed close to Roach, letting his head rest on his shoulder as he looked up at the taller man. "Gonna finish for us?" He asked in a low voice, "dirty us up?" He gave a moan, "God I bet this one will look so pretty covered in your cum." He stroked a hand up and down Roach's chest.

The two continued that way for several moments, exchanging dirty little lines fed to the man in front of them. They could easily see the effect that their words were having on him as his fist sped up, his eyes began to roll back slightly and his grunts of pleasure grew in intensity.

"Simon," Roach gave one last moan of the man's name, "Wanna feel it. Want you to cum on me, please." That seemed to do the trick as the man jerked forward with a grunt, thick ropes of cum splattering along Roach's chest and Soap's hands. It was a glorious sight, just as gorgeous as it had been days ago when Soap had seen him spill onto Roach's chest. The only difference was that, now, he could touch. He could feel it. He was a part of the pleasure between the two men.

"You're really sure about sharing? " Soap asked the question nearly an hour later, lying in bed with Roach cuddled between himself and Simon, all three of them still naked from the quick shower they'd taken together to clean up.

They were tucked under the covers, squeezed onto the too-small bed together. Roach was already asleep, his face peaceful as it rested on his chest. He had Ghost's arm cradled to his chest around him. He was too adorable and the sight of him made Soap's heart melt. He hadn't allowed himself to get too distracted though, instead, he'd asked the question to Ghost. He had to be sure that this was real, not just a one-time thing. He had to be sure before he let himself get his hopes up.

Ghost opened his eyes slowly, looking at him tiredly, "We just fucked Roach together. I jerked you off. You literally helped talk to me until I finished."

Soap felt his face go bright red and he gave a sputter, "Okay yes, but like you're sure this isn't just a one-time thing? That you'll still be okay with it tomorrow?"

Ghost tilted his head at him, "John. I want you in this relationship. I didn't decide that on a whim. Roach wants you in this relationship. He didn't decide that on a whim." He took a moment, watching him carefully, "Do you need time to decide? Do you want to be in this relationship?"

"What?"

"You've only really had a thing for Roach," Ghost tilted his head at him, "I know I'm the downside of the deal."

"Shut the fuck up," Soap responded quickly, maybe a bit louder than he meant to. Ghost raised an eyebrow at him, his face giving nothing away. "Maybe a month ago, maybe then it would have just been Roach that I wanted but...but now?" He shook his head, "Now I don't think I could imagine not having both of you. You've kind of invaded my mind for the past week, since the office." He admitted shyly.

Ghost watched him for a moment before giving a small nod, "If you're ever uncomfortable, if you ever change your mind, tell us." Ghost gave him a soft smile, one filled with an adoration that Soap had only ever seen given to Roach, "This is what I want. I want you, I want Roach. I'll have you both for as long as you let me." His words were said with a hint of possessiveness to the end, one that Soap was used to only ever hearing when he talked about Roach. It sent a shiver of arousal down his spine.

"Let me know if I ever push things," Soap nodded to him, "I'm new to this. But I want to try."

That set a comfortable silence between the two men and Soap could feel relief burning through him. He'd been so worried, but this was better than anything that he could have expected. It was odd for him to think that one missed paper had led to this moment. He dreaded to think of what would have happened if he hadn't missed that paper. He couldn't imagine continuing how they had.

"So," Ghost said after a moment, Soap turned to him curiously, noting the mischievous smirk on his face, " Since the office, huh?" Soap felt his face go bright red, "Me calling you pathetic really did it for you that much?"

"Shut up," Soap mumbled, his face burning as he covered it with his hand. He could hear Ghost's laughter ringing around the room, but he couldn't force himself to be mad. Not when he was here. Not when he had two men that he wanted, pressed close and just for him.

[sylenth-l]

Btw, speaking of Ghost shells, do you personally have a favorite one? I remember you said once that you liked the Cosmos shell as well. Did that change or any new ones got your attention? Or maybe you ever had a ghost shell concept that you would like to see on the game?

I loved the Destiny 1 ones where they got creative while preserving the original form: the Ghost shell (hilarious), Deviled (with little horns and tail), Crimson one being cute pink, etc. Its also cool when they have little ‘spikes’ like the Templar shell, for example. Or slightly different proportions - Sunlit or Scholar.

I don’t mind the variety in ghosts but almost none of the new ones have the classic shape, and their pool is so diluted that you just stop paying attention.

I love the effect on the Cosmos shell, it's fantastic (I wish it was less round in the shape though)! The one I use now and since it was added in the game is the Hareball shell. I got it when I managed to do a solo flawless Prophecy, so it's precious to me in a special way (yeah, I know for many people it's nothing and they solo dungeons 10 times a day, but for me it's a big achievement. EDIT: I know Hareball shell is for just soloing dungeon, not necessarily flawless, but I got it in the same run, so). Really sets the right mood for all cutscenes, alsdhjflksjl

Also I find it funny how by default my Hunter is a grim looking edgelord, but has one of the cutest Ghosts available. I think it's his Ghost's way of teasing him by ruining any attempts to look cool and professional 😂

(recently my Hunter embraced his inner identity of a Nessus frog tho, so I'm not sure anymore who's messing with whom in this duo)

Close second is the Hardlink shell, it's just. LOVE for obvious reasons. This is actually the one whose appearance I like the most, I think. And the third place goes to the Crimson shell, it's quite simple, yet flashy and gorgeous.

There are a lot of cool Ghost shells available! As I said, I like more classic shapes with some additions to it, like these two above; I'm also weak for glowing or moving parts (like the "eyelash" on the Imperious Sun shell). Here are all Ghosts in my inventory, I guess you can say they are my favorites, since most of them are there for years already:

As for stuff yet to be added - I'd love to have a Taken shell in D2! I believe in D1 it was called Kingslayer Shell (the classic Ghost with a Taken shader on it), but I'd appreciate something different with the same effect applied as well. That would've been so cool.......

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

The Inevitable Farron Post

So I mentioned it a tiny bit offhand in places people likely didn't notice, but Dusk has ... hm, how to put it. The characters are already married in game, so I tend to refer to him as Dusk's husband, but in their actual RP timeline, they are decidedly not married yet, because they haven't known each other THAT long and are already barreling along their relationship at breakneck speed as it is.

In any case, Dusk has a partner, let's use that term.

His name is Farron, and Dusk loves him very much.

(some environmental spoilers from EW, if that bugs people)

Farron has his own tumblr over at @petitfarron and I am going to let him decide how much jibberjabber about the character he decides to do. Strap in for a long post, though, because I can sense I'm still going to write a lot even skipping that.

I have so many pictures of these two, and over time I'm sure I'll shove them in people's faces. You will inevitably notice as you look at them that Farron has changed his coloration, his height, his hairstyle several times. He's actually done it far more than I've chronicled, because after four plus years of watching this dude repeatedly fantasia himself, I can usually tell the difference between a flight of fancy that won't last more than an hour, and an actual change, and I do not bother with elaborate gposes if the appearance has no staying power.

When we first started RPing, I intended to RP Dusk as not-the-WoL, but Farron encouraged me to change my mind. And I figured fuck it, it's just us, who cares. It's turned out to be really fun, because regular-ass Farron learning about what absurd shit his boyfriend got up to before they met has been really, really funny.

They first met after the end of 6.0 in Gridania. Dusk is technically a member of the carpenter's guild in addition to being the savior of the world, and after a day of being a big weirdo with Beatin (Beatin is 100% what I expect Dusk to turn into once he's old and retires from adventuring, btw), he walked outside and was accosted by Farron, who (correctly) asserted Dusk looked like a man who could use an energy tincture. Dusk, even after all the times he's had something to drink and it didn't go well after, is still a trusting soul and downed it.

Farron wanted to 'observe' how the tincture affected Dusk, who did not seem to think this was weird at all, and since Dusk had mentioned being hungry, invited him to dinner at the Last Stand. Dusk found it mildly surprising this rando was assuming Dusk could get there, but he could, so off they went.

Dusk was blissfully unaware he was on a date at this point. Farron, if he wants, can explain why his brain melted over the course of their meal, but he went from brazenly walking up to Dusk and just talking like they've known each other for years, to a blushy mess before dinner was over. Dusk politely pretended not to notice, since he didn't want to embarrass him.

Farron met Duck (of course he met Duck!) and they went for a walk, and he mostly calmed down enough to have a nice conversation. Although he almost exploded again when Dusk offered to walk him home after they got back to Gridania.

Nothing sexy happened that night, but Dusk did spend the night (it was perfectly chaste) and Farron made him pancakes. They agreed to hang out that evening. Dusk was still completely unaware these were dates in Farron's mind.

He figured it out eventually.

And Farron got some of his swagger back. Some of the time, anyway, Dusk can still make him melt into a puddle of embarrassment if he hits him with the right sort of sentimental nonsense at the right time.

It was a couple of weeks before Farron figured out his Dusk was THAT Dusk. It was one of those situations where it never felt like a good time for Dusk to mention, and the longer he went without saying it, the harder it was. Luckily, Farron wasn't mad.

They're currently in 6.1 (Farron got to go on ~adventures~ with Dusk, very exciting!), moved in together in Empyreum (I need to take some pictures for you guys to see, Farron did the bulk of the decorating and it's so cozy) and we really need to pick up our pace if we're going to actually get them to 7.0 in a timely manner. :D

Farron's pet rabbit is named Miss Wiggles, by the way. He was embarrassed to tell Dusk this, but Dusk thought it was incredibly cute.

Now that I've told you the extreme basics of their relationship and where it's at, I am going to complain. So kisses are, by far, the most difficult thing for me to pose. They feel EXTRA DIFFICULT when there's a huge height difference, and I was glad Farron was at least tall for a viera dude.

At first.

The DAY AFTER they got married, Farron fantasia'd to be a 20 on the height scale.

Fine, I thought. It's annoying, but not the worst, I can deal.

Then a few days later, he shrunk all the way down to minimum height.

He's lucky I like challenges.

[saladsquid]

Ant Empire Rising: Food System, Environments, and Ants!

The first AER Tumblr post! These will be large progress updates that show off what I've been working on for the game as of late.

If you missed it, check out my previous post, or the TIGForum devlog for more information about what Ant Empire Rising is. In short, it's my indie ant-themed RTS video game. Passion project!

Today, I wanted to reveal the current food system, PLUS the newly revamped art of the field map Hills & Pits and some previous work on the ants themselves. Lets get into it!

Food System

Let's start with a treat; the food system! In the game, food is the main currency and you need it to make more ants and sustain the colony as a whole.

There are two main components to the system; the Queen Hunger bar, representative of the ant queen's own survival, and the Food Storage bar, representative of how much food you have. There is a maximum amount of food one can have, which is dependent on your colony's population. The more ants you have, the higher the maximum is.

Over time, the Queen Hunger bar drains. If the Queen Hunger bar is at 0, the colony dies and you lose. How to keep this from happening? Collect food! The hunger bar increases when you have food, slowly taking from the stores to fill itself. When your food stores are at 0, the bar starts draining.

It's a simple system, but with the right balancing, it can be a challenging one. I'm still working on getting the right balance for how quickly the bar drains, among the other variables, like max hunger and how much you get at the start (right now, it's half).

Queen bar in red, food bar in green

So, in essence, you NEED food for survival. How do you get it?

Collect it from the map! Currently, there is only one food type to collect; seeds. They spawn infrequently across set points around the map, plus there is plenty of seeds to collect at the start of the game. There's also a fun new feature called randomized food; the food that spawns at the start is randomized instead of set.

There are different types of seeds to collect. Right now, there are three types: wheat seeds, sunflower seeds, and milkweed seeds. There will probably be more in the future.

Wheat seeds currently give the least food. BTW, to collect food, you just need your ants to collide with it!

Better Biomes

The first, and currently only, map in the game has gotten a bit of a revamp! Hills & Pits, set in a Mongolian field in the middle of nowhere, though it looks more like a desert, USED to look like this:

There's nothing really wrong with this look tbh; you get used to it. It's a simple design that can still offer a lot of variety in playstyle. However, it's not necessarily cut out for what it's supposed to be, which is why I gave it a remaster with some new art that I personally think looks a bit better:

Hills & Pits 2.0!! It's still a bit janky, of course, but that's to be expected.

The land is no longer shaped like a square but has a more dynamic outlining; there are gravel patches around the map with unique assets; pebbles and tiny bushes are scattered as small props.

Plus, the new map uses a better system than the old one: tilemaps. They were implemented into GDevelop (AER's game engine) a while ago, but up until a few days ago I had just been using classic sprites. Tilemaps makes things a LOT easier though, and because of that I can finish up on maps much faster now.

All told, it's a better implementation for the long run.

Ants & UI

The Ant HUD in-game has changed a bit from it's last appearance:

Old vs New

The new version is a lot better, for a couple reasons; firstly, I managed to shrink it, which was a pain to deal with but made it less obstructive during gameplay. Second, there is now space for two more additional castes, one that can go above ground and another that stays below ground (like the queen).

And of course, it's just better looking, at least in my opinion.

In case you're wondering, each 'aa' is a text box that can robustly change depending on what I need it to say. From left to right, they are: "Z", "X", "Queen" "Worker" "Soldier" "1" "2" "3".

Z and X are hotkeys for zooming in/out and 1, 2, 3 are hotkeys for waypoints. They'll probably be replaced by something else in the future but it was the easiest way to communicate these things in this early of development.

Next Up: The General Stuff

So with those new features and whatnot, my next plans are fairly simple; I want to finish development on black garden ants (the first ant species) and add customizable hotkeys.

For BGA, they need a lot of work on their animations in-game and adding their stats. For hotkeys, it's mainly so I can remove them from the Ant HUD and put more practical features there.

I also technically need to finish Hills & Pits but that won't happen for another week or two. After that, I'll move on to enemy creatures, technical stuff, and then the first demo of the game!

See you all around in the future,

-saladsquid

[liaromancewriter]

What did you think about the Esme/Levi storyline in book 2? It was supposed to mimic the Mrs. Martínez storyline in book 1 and test how MC would react to her intern being involved in a similar scenario. However, there are several differences:

1. MC owned up to what she did and even came clean to Ethan about it. She did stay silent about it with Ines and Zaid at first which is fairly similar to what Esme was doing after the incident. In addition, I understand why Esme kept quiet since in her case there was much more at stake since if she accepted she did it on purpose, she would have committed a serious crime (not that stealing a drug sample from a top pharmaceutical company wasn’t a big deal, in fact I think MC got off easy from this one😅)

2. We were forced to make a big decision without ever knowing what happened. Even if you cultivate a good relationship with Esme and she trusts you, she never comes clean to MC. It would have been a great opportunity to make your choices count in the sense that if you were a good mentor to Esme, she tells you the truth and if not, she leaves you hanging. Instead, all we know for sure is that she accepted that Levi did ask her for help to end his life, but nothing more.

3. Harper wouldn’t allow Ethan to testify for MC on the first book because of his blatant favoritism, but suddenly MC’s word seals the deal when it comes to Esme’s fate even though they could very well be just as (if not more) biased. I understand this is main character privilege, but it makes little sense within the plot.

In the end, I chose to have her back and say it was an accident, but this whole storyline had lots of loose ends and didn’t set well with me. I was curious to know your opinion. Sorry for the essay, I just have a lot of thoughts about this in particular.

Btw, your stories are awesome and Cassie is awesome 💖

I love essays, especially about Open Heart, so I don't mind. lol

I wholeheartedly agree that the Esme/Levi storyline was meant to be a parallel. At the same, in all three books, there is a storyline about doctors having to make (or not make) impossible choices for their patients not certain what the outcome will be. In this respect, medicine is one profession where it is about life or death.

The difference between MC and Esme is that physician-assisted suicide is illegal in many states, including Massachusetts. So, if Esme (or anyone) deliberately helped Levi die, it would be considered murder under the state penal laws.

In comparison, what MC did was an ethical infraction. They did full research on the cure, requested permission through official channels, presented the pros and cons to Mrs. M, including the mortality chances. In the end, Mrs. M made the decision, knowing the risks, as was her right as a patient. MC stealing the cure and administering it without attending oversight (required for interns) was the issue.

I do believe Harper wouldn't let Ethan testify in book 1 because she knew he had personal feelings for MC, not just friendly ones regardless of if you romance him or not. Also, he is not MC's official mentor (even he says he's not their mentor in book 1 but that changes by the end of book 2). In Esme's case, MC is officially her mentor and therefore their opinion holds sway.

In my playthroughs, Cassie either is a friendly mentor or a professional one, never the harsh one. That's not her style. Majority of the time, I pick the friendly options as those are true to who she is (and, as she says, she wants the opposite of how she was taught). She also leads by example. As a result, Esme is more open about her struggles with Levi's care and her helplessness. In the professional scenario, Esme is more ambivalent.

You are correct though, Esme is never fully honest about what happened, and we will likely never know. At the same time, if you think about her background (DACA, parents scooped up in an ICE raid), she has never been in a position to trust authorities or that people would have her best interests if she was truthful.

Incidentally, if you don't back Esme, you find out in the final chapter that the police/DA searched through her life and found zero proof about her involvement. To me, that means she was not directly responsible. However, she will never know if she was negligent because she was distracted. I do think that was the lesson from that plotline: sometimes there are no clear cut answers in medicine.

In my hc, Cassie and Esme remain close throughout their life. When Esme finishes her residency and leaves Edenbrook, Cassie is happy to help her in anyway she can. Like Naveen was a mentor to Ethan all his life, Cassie is one for Esme.

When Cassie and Ethan open their own private medical and research center, she poaches Esme. The latter is more than happy to be back working with Cassie and helping the community.

Character Asks: @annfg8 @bluebelle08 @cariantha @crazy-loca-blog @coffeeheartaddict2 @doriopenheart @lucy-268 @jerzwriter @lady-calypso @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

way to go tiger

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/W8qcNxB by irlsiriusblack "There’s solidarity in the idea that Jason and Dick are the only ones who can really understand each other. No one else has been brought up this way, at the hands of Bruce Wayne. There’s love in the way that they can fight with each other constantly, call each other names, throw things at each other, chase each other up and down the manor, and nothing changes between them. They can go to bed angry and spend the next morning making fun of Bruce at the breakfast table like nothing ever happened. There are times when Dick wonders why he comes back to Gotham at all. He loves Bruce, and he always will. But loving Bruce is hard, and sometimes it feels easier to walk away and never look back. But how could he leave? Jason is here. And it isn’t hard to love Jason. Dick would even argue that it’s hard to not love Jason." or the story of dick grayson and jason todd. inspired by the song robin from taylor swift's new album. Words: 1884, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: DCU, DCU (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: Gen Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd Additional Tags: Not Canon Compliant, is anything canon compliant in dc though, No Dialogue, it's more of dick's inner narrative, Hurt Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson-centric, Good Sibling Dick Grayson, Protective Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson Has Issues, dick grayson actually does have emotions btw, Good Sibling Jason Todd, i decided that dick and jason would actually have a close relationship, Dick Grayson and Jason Todd are Siblings, Dick Grayson Misses Jason Todd read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/W8qcNxB

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

nothing to do with your writing but your skin looks so healthy 😍 ... what's the secret

OK, I'm literally going to cry because I've been struggling with cystic and hormonal acne since 2020! And every since then I feel so self-conscious about my skin and have just recently (maybe close to a year now) haven't had any cystic type breakouts. I'll post my products & pics at the end, no one has seen these pictures btw because I just feel so embarrassed! I only took them for my doctor! But anywho, here's what's been working for me the past couple years!

Consistency is key! I never miss my cleansing/skin care routine. No matter how tired, drunk, upset I am. I do it. With that being said, a simple routine will help you commit to it:)

African Black Soap - when I first started using this I bought that "fake" one from target. I believe shea moisture makes it? But literally after a month or so I started to see a big reduction in my break outs. I recently switched over to the authentic one. I literally bought it in a little natural remedies shop in the DTLA Alley outlets district for $10. The only advice I was given was to not apply the soap directly on my skin. So I use a little cleaning tool instead of my hands (which is how i used the target one)

Double cleansing - According to the internet derms this is a scam, but I personally started to notice the biggest change in my skin when I stopped using makeup wipes and started to double cleanse with a makeup balm. I wear full face makeup every single day basically and balms are by far the best way to get it all off. I rinse the balm off with luke warm water, cleanse with my soap, and then rinse with cold water. Cold water rinsing is also life changing.

Derma-planing & exfoliating! I certainly used to over exfoliate before, maybe did this like once a week with a face scrub. Now I've minimized this to about a once a month thing. I'll gently exfoliate with a little face sponge & my soap & then derma-plane with the suds still on my skin.

Face Masking - These masks changed my life. I will only use hydration sheet masks from a Japanese brand (2x a month) and then if I start getting breakouts really frequently I use a Lush mask called cosmetic warrior once every night for about 10 days.

Water & veggies - this is pretty self explanatory. But increasing my water and vegetable intake has also helped give my skin the nutrients it needs to stay healthy.

Better hygiene habits - I've gotten into the habit of washing my pillow cases every week. And am trying to implement more frequent makeup tool washes. Right now I clean my beauty blender after each use, but my brushes about once a month, which I'm not sure if that's too little lol, but I feel like I could do it more haha

No scented products - I've found that scented products irritate my skin a lot. Even if they didn't they have tons of additional chemicals that don't serve a purpose, so better to keep it bland.

And lastly, it's important to remember that everyone's skin is different. Medicated things & pills didn't work for me in the slightest like they do for some people. And there was a lot of trial and error and mixing and match products before I found a routine that worked and helped my skin heal. So just pay attention to how your skin reacts to things and do a little research on what type of acne you have and what products can help with that:) Now products I use...

Now, this was me in 2021... It was painful and uncomfortable and just so shameful for me. I had never had acne before! I got acne as an adult after they switch my BC:(

And this is me as of tonight! Obvs I'll still get spots every now and again but I haven't gotten anything like the pics above since I made the changes to my skincare routine:)

I hope this helps someone 🫶

[a-master-procrastinator]

Pick an OC you've been working on and talk about the outfit that gave you the most trouble to make!

Ooh, that's interesting. I've been (sorta) working on Imely lately (mostly by finally taking her through SoR and KotFE to see how it goes). And there's one outfit that was particularly difficult to put together.

(showing versions with and without helmet)

This is her outfit when Imely becomes a Dark Council member. Because of the pieces in this outfit, it took me a while before I could even start using it. Chestpiece comes from a bonus set back from 6.0, and it can only be worn at level 75, which meant I needed to level Imely to 75 before she reaches the end of the class story.

As I leveled her (it took quite some time, bc leveling alone isn't easy and can be boring. I'm forever grateful for double xp events), another problem was still there. I wanted to find a replacement for Kallig's mask that would look sort of similar and would show up with a hood. I looked through different options in collections and found some good candidates, but unfortunately I wouldn't be able to buy them, so I decided to look elsewhere.

Eventually I found the helmet while looking through Light vs Dark vendors. Thing is, it requires dark side level 3 or higher, and this particular Inquisitor is supposed to be neutral, especially to get a certain Darth title at the end of class story. And all of this is when 7.0 was released, meaning you can't get light or dark side points as easily. I picked up diplomacy to help with that, so I managed to get dark 3 to equip this helmet. Btw I know it looks nothing like Kallig's mask, but I like the vibe, plus there were no other available options that appealed to me.

The helmet is also used in another outfit, which Imely wears in chapters 2 and 3 of Inquisitor story, that's why I needed dark side points quickly, and then get back to neutral before the ending.

And then I kept changing gloves, belts, boots and dyes for some time bc I couldn't make it work together. Finally settled for this combination, which I'm pretty pleased with (even if it's still not perfect).

Pieces:

Head - helmet and hood version - Dark Harbinger headgear; no hood version - Pragmatic Master headgear; Chest - Empowered Restorer chestpiece, gray and dark blue dye, color unified; Hands - Remnant Underworld Inquisitor gloves; Wrists - basic small bracers, can't even see them; Waist - Amplified Champion belt; Legs - Jarael pants; Feet - Resilient Warden boots.

UPD: adding more screenshots to show the outfit (don't mind the gloves in the first image, I was still changing them)

Overall, Imely has 5 outfits (plus additional slots for helmet/no helmet variations), and I could show them, if there is interest (bc this time I was asked to talk about one outfit).

[tryslora]

Hiya! I absolutely love your spreadsheet, it gives me such joy to use and I also delight in seeing it arrive every end of year (one of the best gifts!). I was wondering if you would give us a little behind the scenes? What is your process like in developing it? What makes you decide to add in a new category (love the new addition of time btw!!). I really just love it but wanted to ask about it and find out from the mind behind the magic!

Hey @candybarrnerd!

I swear, I have seen this Ask, I have just been trying to remember enough to say something useful and entertaining! Sadly, my original spreadsheets from 2012 through uhh... 2015... seem to have been lost, although I did just think of another location to check (which I shall do shortly).

HAH I found them. Cool. I do see blank spreadsheets starting immediately with 2013, but do not remember when I started to share them. Through 2016 at least, the blank sheets are dated uhhh early January. So. I feel like mid-December is a definite win now!

In 2012, my base goal was to create something to help me track my writing and tell me that I was moving forward, kind of like NaNo did in November. The spreadsheet looked super different in terms of tabs. I didn’t even have the NaNo style graph then! The Wordcount, Daily Graph, and Monthly Graph tabs look pretty much the same. I had tabs to track things I had posted as well. 

It’s almost identical in 2013--I hadn’t started tracking year to year, yet, either! However, the Monthly Totals tab has a goal, and words to goal, for the first time, along with an average/day. I’d started to notice that ups and downs were good, and started thinking about goals, but hadn’t yet made it to pledges and automating the spreadsheet.

In 2014, with the third year going, I decided I wanted to see how things matched up between the years. Especially since 2013 was such a weirdly productive year (never happened again). The first early Annual Comparison tab came in that year--no totals, just a chart that kind of showed how they matched up, along with an average.

That was also the year that the AO3 stats page first appeared, which I am pretty sure was in response to the meme that goes around. I was like. I have a place to keep that information so I can see how it changes over the years!

2015 brought in pledges! In its first form, I just wanted those NaNo style charts, and the pledges were place on that tab. It pulled numbers from wordcount, but nothing was really automated yet. But I had my pretty charts finally.

I mean seriously. These were why I made the sheet originally back in 2012 and i didn’t actually implement them until 2015!

In 2016 I realized I wanted to see the totals for each year on the Annual Comparison page. Like. that seems obvious? Yet. It took me that long...

In 2017 the spreadsheet as it is, mostly, came into being. The color coding was added due to, I think, a conversation with @froggydarren who had implemented it in their copy and showed me. I may not have shared that until 2018--keep in mind, me using something may predate sharing it by a year.

But in 2017, in my spreadsheet, I brought in the way the Monthly Totals tab looks now (without instructions) so a pledge could be set there, then it carries automagically into the Pledges tab for graphing and calculations. 

Why? I AM LAZY. I wanted it to get easier and easier to use. More instinctive to see what was working and what wasn’t. Easier to put numbers in one place and everything else be automated.

2018 continued as is. In 2019, I started adding more automation with a year end date, and being able to recalculate words to goal on the Monthly Totals page based on where we were in the year and current progress. 2020 brought in the Range/Median on the Annual Comparison tab. All of this was driven by me just... wanting to see more information. I like numbers, but mostly, I like a visual way of knowing I’m okay, even if I feel like I’m not.

Like I say: ZERO DAYS ARE OKAY.

2021 brought a few changes. For one, I started embedding instructions in the spreadsheet itself because y’know, it’s big. And confusing. And I wanted to be helpful as folks were using it! I had realized by that point that it had gained a life of its own, and that is SO AWESOME I also added the Weekly Graph tab based on a conversation in the @weekendwritingmarathon Discover server.

All 2022 brought was a refinement to the instructions provided, and 2023 of course refined those even further by creating documentation on Google Drive so I don’t have to retype everything every year (PHEW).

Time was added this year purely as a reaction to the hell that I went through in 2022. A year ago (today), my mom fell. Everything went haywire after that, taking care of my folks, and I’m just really recovering. There’s been a lot. So much. And I also had a lot of projects that were time intensive but not words.

Remember what I said about feedback? I needed to know I was moving forward. So. TIME. I can now see that hour I spent working on my author site, or critiquing, or the next @welcometophu Kickstarter coming in the summer, or any other publication things (like EDITING jeebus that takes forever).

Pretty much, every enhancement I’ve made comes down to: - it’s pretty - it’s easy to see/visual - I’m lazy and it does it for me - I need to see progress in a new way - I want to make it easier to share

So uhhh that may not have been as entertaining as you’d hoped, but I found it really interesting to look back at my first spreadsheets. I’d have to go really digging to figure out when I first started sharing it... that’s one thing I don’t know. Because I created the blank copy for myself anyway, and I think I started sharing once because I was talking about it, and someone asked, and I was like SURE HERE and posted it. And so. Here we are.

<3 Thanks for asking, and I’m really glad you like it!!!

[hired-help]

hiya!

does anyone want to test run my charon port for fnv?

all i'd need is for someone to dl the file (i'll stick it on gdrive or something) and check it's running as intended and nothing seems off before i upload it to nexusmods. and give me feedback if they don't like anything so i can change it!

also - i have two versions. one comes with very minimal items, a couple of terminal entries and charon with a companion wheel.

there's another version with *slightly* more additions that relate to my own F3 LW - more terminal entries, an old hidden journal, you'd need to find the key to get at it and it'd tell a very brief version of my LW's story from his POV.

do you reckon that's worth uploading as optional? like, you can download him with a preinstalled tragic background or just vanilla. idk if i'm being way overly self indulgent. aaaah.

edit: oh btw he's been properly scaled so he's massive, as he should be. the other charon mod you can get has his height set to default and it took me ages to work out what seemed weird until i realised he wasn't looking straight down to see my courier lolol