#nothing gets me like crying guys lmao
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no aki don't i bet he isn't i bet he isn't at all i bet it's just the art style bc you're all cute
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So... Link Click Bridon Arc.
*curls up on the floor and sobs pathetically*
#it talks!#guys I'm not okay#this is even more tragic than ALNST ivantill wtf#I was crying through the last few s2 episodes#then bridon Arc hit me right in the guts. Literal K.O.#link click... truly a hidden treasure#this is gonna be my blog topic for a while now lmfao get used to it#I need to change my banner dear Lord#I NEED TO DRAW THEM#ITS A PRIMAL NEED#seriously though I adore Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi#everything about them is so tragic... and yet— so perfect. Fragile and fragmented yet still whole#link click has changed my brain chemistry holy shit man#also I whipped up a mini prompt for them#literally woke up from my half asleep state to type it out as if my life depended on it#dunno if I'll post it tho#will prolly draw it if I get the time. It was mainly meant to be like a scene dialogue of Lu Guang speaking to Cheng Xiaoshi...#and a lot of scenes from s1 timeline#I have way too ambitious ideas for my still developing skills... I'm trying to balance it okay-#oh and of course. the classic yearning scene of the MC's thoughts being spoken while the soon to be dead love interest is happily smiling#that's my fav part. It comes at the end :D#okay I think that's it lmao please comment if you read this far I've no clue if people even read my posts half the time#link click#shiguang daili ren#tags mainly for sorting purposes and nothing else
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Hello! Since this blog doesn't see much activity nowadays, I wanted to say two things: 1. How are you? You were one of the people who inspired me to dive into SAGAU in 2022 and captivated me endlessly with your writing style. Your writing immersed me in what felt like a fantasy world in the best way—rife with possibilities, danger, love, and so much more. It propelled me to new heights and made me wonder what it would be like to be more than the reader, to wield a pen and use it as the brushstroke to paint all kinds of worlds, creatures, and characters.
On that note, I'll follow with the second thing: 2. You are one of my biggest inspirations as a writer. Because of you and others, I've spent the last two years writing and creating like never before in a way I didn't think I was capable of. I have an AO3 and a Tumblr blog, mainly dedicated to posting my musings in a "stream-of-consciousness" format for narrative purposes. Because of you, I've grown—as a person, friend, and writer. Because of you, I made countless memories I'll cherish for years: sharing and building stories with my friends' group chat, roleplaying, making AUs, etc. Because of you, I did everything I thought I couldn't: I fostered my creativity and cultivated it to plant what is now a thriving garden regularly visited by my friends. It has helped us bond immensely and provided me solace in my darkest hours.
Because of you, I wrote my first book on Wattpad. I hopped onto a wild, emotional, and unforgettable rollercoaster that saw my interest in watching movies and reading literature be re-ignited for the sake of inspiration, have a taste of fandom culture via Steven Universe, Genshin Impact, Murder Drones, and several other games and shows that have undoubtedly and irreversibly changed my life. Because of you, I made OCs, I discovered YouTube movie recaps, and now I can write a pretty good summary myself!
That is to say that I'm wholly grateful to you, Eros, and everyone else who led me down the path of the writer, supported me throughout with their comments, memes, stars, and kudos, and generally showed enthusiastic interest in my work. I wouldn't be here if not for you all. I hope your ship of life continues sailing smoothly, as has mine, after years of turbulent weather and unpredictable storms that threatened to throw us overboard if I hadn't held on to others (and myself) for support.
May the new year bring you joy and prosperity, and hey, what do you know? Maybe I'll write something for SAGAU someday. The only reason I haven't taken the plunge yet is because of how inactive (for lack of a better word) the community there has become, and I don't know what I would write. Ideas, anyone?
Anyway, I've talked for long enough. Keep up the good work, Eros, and remember that in someone's (my) heart, you are still held dearly as an inspiration. Even if the golden age has long faded, we will always have our memories to keep us company: "Don't cry because it ended. Smile because it happened."
it is unfortunate that the collective sagau fandom has kind of died out, honestly. its what got me really into writing as well (which i feel like i have to mention @/nicebonescomrade for being the writer to get me to make my first sagau blog. one of the other og's and also a phenomenal writer). im glad it had such a large impact on you though!! that makes me really happy bc ive always been self conscious about my writing and writing style ngl, though i never grew out of it bc it worked for me. i can't imagine stories like books as a movie in my head like some people (literally head empty) so i lean more on actually putting more feeling and description into my work to compensate. it gets a bit wordy but it helps me write bc i do not plan anything i just start writing based on vibes.
sagau downfall was definitely inevitable (and a part of why im super inactive) but im happy with how it turned out anyway bc of how big the fandom is and how many people turned to creative hobbies bc of it. its nice to know i at least had some kind of impact myself KJHKDH i wouldnt consider myself one of the "big" sagau accounts by any means so its a bit of a surprise ngl um. looks around.
i genuinely just spend most of my time these days printing out random fics when i get the urge (once in a blue moon, 99% of which are in my draft vault), playing whatever game caught my fancy this week and playing genshin because it's still a black hole i will never escape from! honestly maybe one day ill come back to this account for real instead of sporadic posting but uhhh. probably not unless a new big au pops up again.
#asks#wiltingmemories#give me a minute im not crying you are#ego boost x2000 /hj#i didnt think i really inspired anyone I DIDNT EXPECT 2 SEE THIS IN MY INBOX EVER </3#this is so late im so sorry i do Not touch this blog like at all anymore#i ditched it for discord w bones and appear once a year like ive been summoned via sacrifice#still laying on the floor 24/7 thinking abt miss furina de fontaine and the tsaritsa nothing has changed there though#is it that obvious that english was my fav school subject LMAO#i loved essay's ate that shit up#am i yapping again? FUCK#i have to go adopt my 463rd low ar player now or im gonna get EMOTIONAL and for your guys sake no one wants that#throwing myself back into genshin like slamming into a brick wall#bc if i think abt this ask for longer than .5 seconds i will start eating drywall (/pos)#do i ever shut up? no#its my brand#obligatory check out smaller writers note everyone i am Not Asking#wish u a very success and flourishing in ur writing u have my blessing. bonk.
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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?????? Why did he tell me everything was fine if my insurance requires me to have been on hormones for 2 years to approve the procedure. . .why didn't he say they won't approve it if that wasn't the case. . .is that outdated information???? Maybe we can lie????
Am i seriously about to have all of my fucking hype crushed???? Maybe I can convince my doctors to lie for me or we can say I was doing it DIY for a few years. People ask how long I've been on hormones a lot because my voice is pretty deep and I look pretty masculine surely we could get away with this???
I feel really fucking beaten down now. Why not stop the discussion and go 'hey they require X amount of time on hormones'. . .I really hope I can convince my providers to fudge the truth for me a little or i'm going to lose my mind i seriously don't know how well i'm going to take it if i can't get this done???? Like I already feel so anxious at the thought. Please everything about me needs this. I am going to go fucking insane if this can't happen this year.
#i suddenly feel very stressed about my fourth floor window#i don't know if i'm going to direct the violence at myself or someone else and i'm just hoping i won't have violence to direct at all#i feel so so fucking stressed out. why wasn't this the first thing i was told???????????#please please cooperate with me doctor and therapist please i haven't felt suicidal in over a year please we cannot ruin this#i feel dizzy i feel dizzy i feel dizzy i'm too stressed about this please i'm gonna fucking break down i'm gonna fucking cry what if they#say no what if they want proof i was doing it before i met them i'm feeling so lightheaded and i'm lying down lmao???#what if i say i was on hormones before and i had to stop taking them will that throw a wrench in things????? i'm going to lose my shit#guys my year may be fucking ruined everything was going so well despite the state of the world despite everything#i need these women to lie for me. one small lie for one dumb fucker's wellbeing. surely they can agree to this? surely if i tell them how#scared i am they'll agree to say one little lie for me#i feel like scratching myself til i bleed rn hhhhhaaaa didbcueiebdj good thign i cut my nails the other day because them shits were SHARP#okay. okay. all i have to do is ask. i may not get an answer from one until tomorrow but these are very good people they have been#kind to me so far and good to me so far and they understand how important this is#my doctor has a nonbinary kid!!!! surely she'll be able to ask them for advice if she isn't sure please i'm going to throw up and i haven't#even eaten yet please don't take this out from under me this close. please don't rip this away from me when everything is going so well#please don't try and take this from me under this current administration that's trying to take everything from us#please#danie yells at existence#suicidal ideation cw#self harm mention?#I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TAG THIS I'VE NEVER FELT SO BAD I HAD TO GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD HERE BEFORE i'm gonna send them messages and hope they#respond soon. if they don't. idk. i ask how much it'll be out of pocket#i wanna rock back and forth i need to eat and take my meds i wish i'd done that before i got started#like damn i bet my anti-anxiety meds would have been REALLY helpful right about now! shame i haven't taken them since yesterday!#and i didn't take the ones i'm supposed to take last night either because i was so distracted by. ider what i was doing the insomnia was#kicking my ass til about 6am though#so I'm running on like nothing here. which isn't helping.#i know. i know if it doesn't happen i'll live i'll survive i'll be fine but mother of god jt doesn't feel like it#it doesn't feel like it'd be worth it to have to like like this for two more years#i've already been living like this for like. idk. at least 12 years.
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I've written 5000 words of lucanis and rye fic the last two days and the only reason the wip isn't even longer yet is probably that my brain turns into useless ash and blows away for the day once it's channeled the lightning bolt of writing energy for a couple of hours and needs to sleep before it can stand up to another onslaught.
#god help me experience suggests nothing else can#in a move every single person who's ever read anything I've written could predict it's literally just 5k and more to come I'm afraid#of two people talking (and at least one person crying) a bit of internal monologue and also some jokes lmao#under my particular sun at least there's never anything new. I know what I'm about and I'm always about it#I wish my brain was a little less feast or famine when it came to writing b/c idk what's worse -- tediously spending months#trying to connect mostly finished paragraphs and scenes at a snail's pace. the fucking GRIND to get to the finish line#or trying to keep up with the torrents of words suddenly being forced directly into my brain and vibrating all my neurons#at a dolphin-bothering pitch that can carry no other signal. trying to keep up with yourself when it suddenly starts pouring in#is so fucking stressful fhsdkj. you never fucking know when it'll run dry and leave you to either abandon a wip#or get started on the long slow teeth-clenched grinding phase is the thing. I've got abandonment issues from my own creative drive#(or capacity really. I always have drive I only in rare glittering moments have capacity. awful combination would not recommend)#please please please brain don't let me down on this one I would like to see it done and in less time than two fucking years#also I realized in writing this I genuinely forget that rye is technically my oc he has such a clear voice in my head#gotta hand this one to bioware they made rook such a little guy. he's literally some guy sometimes I just get to decide what he says a bit#I'm like... his agent or something#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#well mostly it's me traumadumping about my writing process but for archival purposes lol#humming with both creativity and boundless frustration like a live wire. the me experience (two stars. some potential but also. ugh)
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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
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Why do right wingers go on and ON about "father's in the home" when fathers are basically useless in the home? Like every year I see posts that go around about "dad finding out about what I got for Christmas" and it's like if fathers are so uninvolved they don't even know what Christmas gifts their kids are getting I don't think them being gone does much?? Like of course there's good and bad parents of all genders, but traditional gender roles- which the aforementioned right wingers ascribe to- mean men do jack fucking squat in the house OR anything with their kids so what the hell do right wingers think men are doing that's so important in the home if it's none of the childrearing or house work??
All I've got in this framework is a paycheque and these days women work so men wouldn't even be contributing something women DON'T, so I have no idea what these people think men are doing that it's so irreplaceable that being gone is damaging to children when by all means under their ideas of gender and family men are less than useless to their family. Women do all that work (and barring that, DAUGHTERS do more parental work than fathers so them being gone does what, exactly, except maybe rid the family of an overgrown child? Men who actually contribute are the ones families would be damaged without, not traditional men who probably don't even know how to do their own laundry OR cook or have any life skills because women have done everything for them their whole lives so???)
#winters ramblings#'no fathers in the home is what leads to gangs!' they cry while they do nothing with their kids make their wives do all the housework#and theur DAUGHTERS parent more often than THEY do. TELL ME what use you are in the house Giant Man Baby#tell me what thing you do thats of the Utmost Importance that being done causes irreversible damage to your kids#surely you being THERE isnt causing them damage right? RIGHT???? because this brand of dude being HOME#sounds worse than this brand of dude being GONE because these dudes and the women who marry them are HORRIBLE tyrants#who deserve each other but sure shit DONT deserve the kids they have then force into their lifestyle then abuse all their lives#like serioualy what the FUCK do they think men are doing thats so important in the home when their own beliefs state men do SQUAT#in the home??? do tou seriously think your PRESENCE is what does it?? pretty grandiose sense of self there huh#assuming just EXISTING beside your kids lives means youre literally holding everything together lmao like no#your wife does all that and if she isnt your KIDS do it buddy you dont do fuck all to consider yourself that important i dont get this#like literally men in traditional gender shit dont do ANYTHING outside of a job amd getting waited in hand amd foot#do you think having a personal slave you occasionally fuck is what makes you this important??#i mean the mormins say yes so hard they think a billion wives gives you a better planet in the afterlife but like come on#at least ATTEMPT to have common sense when recruiting to your nonsense beliefs#then turn around and claim GAY PEOPLE are recruiting people to their 'lifestyle' like that isnt LITERALLY THE DESCRIPTION OF MISSIONARY WORK#gays arent CHRISTIANS guys. (some are but they arent recruiting to GAYNESS even if they may try to convert you religious wise-#although i suspect a great many WOULDNT do that on account of the history between the church and gay people#so probably they just are gay and love jesus but still yall get it)
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me when my coworker is worried another guy in the office doesn't like her: Ah that sucks for her. Glad I'm not affected by that tho
Me when that same guy gives me a short teams message: Ah. Well good thing I don't care about being liked by him or not
Me after thinking about it for maybe 32 seconds: no actually I hate this
#catfish speaks#i get the feeling he does not like me#and im not about to try snd change that if he doesnt like me he doesnt like me#it just stung a bit when he sent me a short reply to a teams request and im like. ok ouch.#like mine was jovial and im trying to be nice#idk. it's very small potatoes in the grand scheme of things#and stands out cos i have a pretty friendly relationship with literally everyone else at work - bot just in the office but eith everyone#were a small company so i have spoken yo almost everyone and had decent friendly conversations with most of them#and i like pretty much everyone here! everyones quite nice and we have good comvos and i feel like we're friends#so it stands out a bit when i have one on one interactions witu this guy and theyre so#like. short. and business like.#tbh tho ik im also not the friendliest#especially in the mornings lol#maybe he jusy doesnt know hwo to talk to me either#anyway! small potatoes not a big deal anf not worth crying over lmao#maybe ill try to talk to him a bit more throughout the year#but if he doesnt wanna talk then theres nothing else i can do and i aint sweating over it
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It's either coming up to my period again OR I've just developed a disease where I get misty eyed at even the most banal sequences and scenes in ghibli movies. I was crying during the early parts of ponyo
#ramblings of a lunatic#ponyo is not a very emotional movie i just kept being like#OUGHHH LITTLE BABY...LITTLE BABY HAS TO TAKE CARE OF HIS MOM WHILE HIS DAD IS AWAY AT SEA...OUGH LITTLE FISH GIRL#nothing as bad as when i was crying during every scene in kikis delivery service tho lmao#i still haven't seen very many ghibli movies but they're all pretty wonderful#i had another art exam today so i think I'm gonna chill for the rest of the night now that's i watched the cute fish movie#I'll watch something new soon (i am eyeing that movie ever after 👁️👁️ sorry i still can't kick the fairytale spinterest revival rn)#but until then I'm gonna have fun#be silly hehe#I'm also at a weird place with my toh hyperfix where like. i went through intense pre-grief (is that?? what it's called)#like. near the beginning of the month#just being so so sad about it ending and the inevitable fandom dwindle that'll come with that (OBJECTIVE WORST PART!!!)#but that pre-grief was so intense that now I'm at a weird place of peace with it#once the shows over I'll probably start being able to actually like. watch and read other things now hsbdjdhfk#but i imagine it'll stay my main interest (to u guys. I'm more complex irl) for a good while (i wanna make more art i wanna try writing!!!)#just with other stuff spliced in as it comes (i wanna get back on reading sailor moon. maybe check in on deltarune again)#(TRY and get back into tlt again. hell maybe I'll check in on comics again! who knows)#but tbh as long as i find toh on my dash i doubt I'll ever really leave it behind lol#again- a relatively positive fandom experience plus a deep connection with the work is a recipe for me being Not Normal forever#I'm. making less sense as this goes on#anyway. you get it! I'm a big cry baby but also I'm at a state of peace for the moment. yeehaw
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wish i could slap the apathy out of trans channers
#you might think its the one trait that just makes you oh sew kewl but i am so fucking bored of you.#being apathetic might as well be an admission to your uselessness.#we get it you provide nothing of meaning to society and never care about anything ever bc you cry like a bitch when you feel your emotions#we really do get it dude.#which ~i~ dont think theres anything wrong with crying like a bitch but i sure as fuck know you do lmao.#cant be vulnerable ever what if all the other edgy memelords see me and make fun of me and i lose all of my coolness status D':#its a you problem if you actually think random memelords opinion online matters lmao#literal bottom of the barrel ass people that you care about the opinions of. wish you'd care more about the opinion of your mom or#something then maybe you'd actually be useful to society in some capacity#but of course we cant have that bc your mom is a vagina-haver and as we all know all vagina havers besides the ones who've converted#to the 4chan irony poisoned cult are Evil and Robots and Should Never Be Listened To Or Taken Seriously.#and the ones who do join should hate and feel ashamed about having a vachina bc as we all know in 4chan land a place overwhelmingly#ruled by cishet men is that penis's are the most important thing and vaginas are lesser than so honestly just never admit that you have one#anyways this is a totally normal and fine way to think about other humans. to dehumanise and treat them as less than for their#genitals that they have no control over how they are unless you wanna get surgery which is already shamed everywhere too.#and i already know w/o having to be on there that theyre routinely dehumanizing non op trans women too and im worried that some#of yall just think its a kink meanwhile the cis guys doing it dont think of it as just a kink. and want to enslave you. like actually.#in this regard i love to be a party pooper bc i want you to love yourself and take care of yourself and know you deserve better than to#ACTUALLY- not kink related- be treated less than by these shit cishet dudes.#you deserve to be treated better and more than just like a fucking sex toy. maybe thats your thing but you gotta know you deserve better#outside of kink settings. please. for me. i want you to love yourself and take care of yourself and defend yourself from shitheads.
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its come to my attention now that im less public about having meltdowns and begging for *one specific persons* attention because i thought i *deserved better* than to be treated like a joke or a toy someone could just throw around whenever they want, that im getting less attention from men.
like yall can’t try and play the knight in shining armor to try and get into someones pants so you just don’t even try and honestly that’s pathetic. you shouldn’t have to try and love bomb someone vulnerable into liking you.
i feel complete and utter disgust that these men think i’d be down to hook up especially in a bad time. i’m not easy, and i don’t play games.
#liek what happened girl????#did you actually like me or did you just try manipulate your way into my life by playing the good guy???#the amount of experiences i have on here from guys like this is ASTRONOMICAL and its very telling now that im back and suddenly they dont#give a fuck anymore#like i’m not publicly CRYING about another man and am appearing more free and single than ever (not that i would ever scream what my status#is from the rooftops unless i’m with the loml because it’s NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS im never having my fights mistakes and heartbreaks#public ever again)#and EVERYONE is silent#like i don’t get it#if i was as beautiful and wonderful and deserving of love like you told me i was when you were trying to console me you’d see that im#now’s the time to do it when i don’t appear all hung up#but no instead it’s silence and don’t you think i don’t notice that tahts a red flag itself and kind of makes you look bad???#sure you can praise me to my face and try and save me from what you called an asshole but after that what’s left?#nothing#because you don’t genuinely like me you just like the opportunity and how it makes you look and how much ‘’helping’’ someone makes your#little ego SHINE#and you use the same moves and say the same things to everyone else you do it too and i see right through it and that’s why i never felt#anything talking to you people and just did it because i didn’t wnat to be rude but im over that#everyone i thought was genuine wasn’t and some of yall aren’t deserving of forgiveness#i was in love with that man i was crying about i know it would’ve been easier to rebound and fall for someone else giving me the attention i#was lacking but i knew there would be nothing left because i already felt everything before hand#i knew you didn’t actually love me and i knew you were pathetic little bitch boys (some of yall older than me still doing this shit LMAO)#i knew it would just make things worse because i didn’t actually fix anything i just distracted myself in something shallow and meaningless#with someone who got satisfaction over seeing me down just to save me afterwards and then leave#its pathetic#let me make this clear i’m not a toy or a joke or a prize to win after playing the game ‘’right’’ i am a person who deserves genuine#connection and care and for that to not be used as a weapon or a card you can play and hope you get a desired outcome#this is not poker this is emotions that i’m actually feeling#it’s liek only going for the model because she’s hot and not for the girl you’ve loved your whole life#when you go after something shallow and meaningless you’ll never actually win in life you’ll just feel empty
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chat am I cooked? (willingly sat through a band rehearsal because someone asked me to)
#silv's back on her bs#clawing kicking screaming crying throwing up#<- being a little silly don’t worry abt it#*bashes head against the wall* why can’t I form meaningful relationships w my guy friends w/o developing some sort of#quasi-romantic feelings towards them simply bc they treat me w bare minimum care and respect that a friend should have#it feels especially weird bc they���re younger than me#they made a playlist (I asked them to) for the car ride (I always drive us) and it’s literally full of love songs#but that’s only bc they were going for a chill vibe and the music they chose I can see the vision#like I know there’s nothing there on both sides for us#but I actually feel like I’m driving myself crazy because if I had a similar situation w one of my girl friends it would be normal but bc#it’s w a guy comphet + unresolved whatever is kicking. my. ass.#anyways sorry for that I needed to get that out LMAO
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Genuinely gonna cry cause I saw the most disgusting thing ( literally what’s new I get new traumas at least once a day LMAO )
#I’d rather watch gore#than see this#SOB SOB SOBBBB#ik I was saying stuff like girl kaveh we are married bla bla bla etc redacted + etc for good measure but today I realise I don’t mean that#because I feel like crying#I think I proved to myself none of this is very comfy no matter the gender LMAO anyways me and girl kaveh are still married I’ll just cry#as much if kaveh was a boy too as well as if he’s a girl 🤷♀️#astaghfirAllah I’m so annoying this makes no sense to you guys but I am in shambles 😭#dora daily#the “you guys” are the guests in my head the voices 😔🖤🥀⛓️💔#I was like in the past I might’ve been a tad fruity but turns out I was just traumatised and also I hate everyone equally#THIS REMINDS ME today my grandpa (😾) answered my dads call and I rolled my eyes so far back I saw my optic nerve#so cue covering my face as my dad was shoving the phone on my face while I was being verbally harassed into saying hi (I don’t wanna say hi)#so then my dad explains that I’m not an affectionate person and I dislike love because I don’t kiss him (firstly even if he was a normal man#I wouldn’t do it) and he went on to say I don’t even let my mum kiss me etc etc because I hate it#not only that it’s just I’m so sick of them all man 😭 I’m okay with hugs it’s just nothing I feel particularly inclined to#like I’ll do it if it’s expected but I’m like I dunno I wouldn’t feel an undying urge to ???#and then my grandpa was like the shocked pikachu face#yeah like I am never kissing anyone on the cheek all I want is to be left alone 😭#my dads shock when he realises I do in fact hate love when I’m 50 and unmarried#I can’t believe he as a man knowing what men are like expects me to want a guy#barf#and don’t get me started on how men talk about women like they’re in a cult and women are trading cards#like do they not get jealous 😭 whyre they like good on you bro you scored etc etc#I’m not explaining this right but I hope y’all get what I’m trying to say#damn fellas this one was a touch long#my apologies
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I feel like kind of a bad person for this but a lot of the time I really feel like I would heavily prefer dating a cis man to dating a trans man
#pond.txt#like i feel like such a traitor lmao and obviously t4t is wonderful#I'd never like turn down someone i liked for being a trans guy; my last two meaningful relationships were w trans masc people#i'd very happily do that again but. But......#idk i just. i Like cis guys in a way that feels more charged and more... idk i miss cis men. sure they can't understand my gender#but neither can i lmfao i don't know how much that matters to me these days so long as i felt safe and wanted w my partner#i literally always picture myself w a cis man as my partner and i think i feel safer w one sexually idk#i have a definite preference for dick and i've got a condition that makes my uhhhh hole entrance hypersensitive#in a painful way. and with cis men i can grin and bear some rly painful sex until the nerves get desensitized and it's easier#but with my ex i like Panicked w the strap and broke down crying bc it hurt and i didn't feel safe at all bc they couldn't like#feel what they were doing and respond to my comfort or lack thereof by touch-sense#it's hard to say 'just a little bit at a time' to somewhere wearing a strap unless they're actually watching them enter you#and that's so like. clinical to me in that moment bc *i'm* not turned on enough to see it as like. sexy that they're watching#i'm just thinking about being viewed while in pain and it feels so vulnerable in a Wretched way. not hot and nothing to distract me#meanwhile i've trusted multiple complete and total strangers w the same thing and been able to get through to a point where#i can relax and enjoy sex after they've initially gone in. but i Loved my ex boyfriend and i couldn't bear to even let him try#idk. and i sort of love the relationship cis men have to gender (aside from the more toxic elements)#like i love the ease of knowing they're men. the comparative lack of thought. in a sense that's More like my gender than what most trans#guys i know experience. i've had Very little dysphoria compared to most. i just am like a guy idk. i don't think about it or care to#i just always picture myself w a cis guy:( i wanna cis boyfriend
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Your best friend's dad Toji headcanons
Pairings: Toji Fushiguro x fem reader
Content warnings- ABSOLUTELY NO MINORS interacting with this, heavy NSFW! Big age gap (Toji late 30s, reader is 21) some manipulation (both of em lol) masturbation (toji) and oral sex (both recieving) obsessed Toji, the oneshot will be much more in detail lol. If you don't like Toji being called 'daddy' don't read lmao, taboo ass themes.
Gonna be a full oneshot, comment to get tagged when it drops!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c372f60f6984c6561bb9b9026c510c76/fc4afa9f9b43f893-69/s540x810/80c74f1a9dc71a08a74eb9081483044ccea3d25f.jpg)
Your best friend's dad Toji who used to be so affectionate, but the past couple years he's been... closed off, indifferent to you? He had Megumi so young, it was more like he played a big brother role, really, you used to talk to him about anything. But lately he just grumbles a hello and pats your head, much to your dismay.
Your best friend's dad Toji is so hot you've had this crush on him forever, but of course you try to hide it, and eventually you have it under wraps- when you're about nineteen or twenty you start catching his looks, the ones he doesn't think you see, and you may or may not wear next to nothing when you stay the night, just to sleepily smile at him in the morning, watching dark green eyes dilate.
Your best friend's dad Toji can't stop thinking of all the ways he'd treat you so good, when he listens to you crying about a break up, thinking these pathetic dudes probably couldn't even get you off, in fact he's sure that they haven't. You don't look well fucked, like you should, with your shy little smile and the way your tits just sway in those tank tops with no bras, driving him insane to no end, so that now he just avoids you.
Your best friend's dad Toji has lost how many times he's stroked his cock to the thought of you, especially when you sleep on the couch, you spend all kinds of time here instead of your dorm with your roommate who apparently always has guys over. More peaceful for you here, and instead of tucking you in he openly stares at your parted lips, at how your tank top twisted and your tit is almost out. He'd throw a blanket over you and head to his bed, stroking himself and trying to stifle the moans, picturing how he'd make you cum over and over again.
Your best friend's dad Toji has girls over at times, and you can't help but feel upset when you see them, which is so stupid, but here it is, these feelings that arise, knowing they're going on dates with him, wondering if he'll see you any other way. One day after a particular date he comes in the dark kitchen, startled to see you sitting in one of the seats, sipping on a beer. 'The fuck, doll do you ever go home? And are you old enough to drink this shit?' you uncross your legs, and damned if your shorts aren't loose enough that he sees a hint of your pussy. 'I'm more than old enough, you know, I'm Gumi's age' Toji scoffs, cracking open a beer and leaning against the counter 'yeah, a fuckin kiddo still'
Your best friend's dad Toji pauses with his lips almost to the bottle when you step closer, fingers trailing up his dress shirt, his dark hair falling over his brow as you tilt your head, looking at him for the first time how you've wanted to. You've lost count how many times you have played with your pussy, how many times under boys you pictured Toji instead. 'Did you get off, Mr. Fushiguro?' Toji sputters now, how you make a man like him speechless is diabolical. 'the fuck you say, doll?' Toji manages, and you smile as your hand trails lower. 'You've helped me so much, I could help you cum if you want' he scoffs, gripping your wrist then 'don't fuckin' tease me, won't end well for you'
Your best friend's dad Toji shows you just how well it ends, when you're on your knees in the kitchen, and he's shoving his cock deep in your eager mouth, fucking your throat so good tears prick your eyes. 'F-fuck... s-so good I.... shit...' he's stuttering, as you take his cock down your throat, your nails gripping at his thighs, looking up at him then. 'Gonna cum if you- stop, shit you-' you keep sucking his veiny length, throbbing and twitching as he yanks on your hair, pulling you off before he busts, just in time for the door to click, and you both seperate before a sleepy Megumi finds you.
Your best friend's dad Toji doesn't come to you like you'd expect, no he avoids the shit out of you even more, and soon you're imagining this was all some odd dream. He doesn't even acknowledge it, so you go back to dating your ex, and try not to come over anymore, Toji misses you, fuck he does, but he's trying to not engage with whatever demon mouth his kids bestie posesses. Toji even sees you out while he's on a date, his jaw locking when you're at the other table, young and seemingly in puppy love, your eyes lock when you see him, and Toji's date is fading into the background just a bit. When you get up to go to the bathroom, Toji excuses himself, just to come behind you and press you against the counter, barring you with his strong arms, as you murmur- 'Mr. Fushiguro..."
Your best friend's dad Toji mutters 'so did you get off on your lil date, doll? with the kid?' you hear it, the tenseness, the jealousy, as his huge, strong hands slip up your little black dress, and you whine out just a bit, before glaring. 'What if he did? what if he gets me off so good, Mr. Fushiguro- ah!' Toji's done with you then, he's got you turned so you see your own blush and glittering eyes in the mirror, slipping his hand down between your thighs and rolling rough fingertips on your clit, towering over you, taking over your senses in this bathroom. 'Bet he ain't got shit on me' he murmurs, before rolling your clit in circles and hearing you hiccup, whimper, head falling back as his other hand grips a breath 'tired of ya fucking teasing me' he then leaves you there, gasping and needy, sucking on his fingers and moaning about your taste.
Your best friend's dad Toji does not like it when you bring your boyfriend over, even if it is Megumi's other friend, not when you're sitting on his lap and kissing him while the three of you game, all giggling. He scowls right at you, only for you to give him a knowing little smile, one he thinks about fucking right off you, until you're just open mouthed and drooling. He's jerking his dick right off in the bathroom while the three of you spend time, endlessly thinking of positions he'd put his kid's best friend in, bend you over, drink your pretty pussy up, make you call him daddy. As his cum squirts out of his reddened, drooly tip, he exhales, trying to pull himself together, surely two can play at your stupid little game.
Your best friend's dad Toji starts to go to every one of Megumi's games now, he used to catch a few, but he loves to go every time because he knows you cheer for the team. You kiss your little boyfriend's cheek and bounce around in your cheerleading skirt, all while you see him with a new girl in the stand all the time, acting so unbothered by you. When you're asking Megumi about it, he shrugs muttering 'they don't come home after the games, maybe he's trying to look hot to the PTA moms? he's weird' huh you think to yourself, seeing his glint in narrowed eyes, which only makes you want him more, the shithead that he is.
Your best friend's dad Toji watches as you 'drop something' just to bend over in your cheer skirt, with nothing under it like it should be, making him lose his mind when you smile brightly at him, talking about a party all of you are going to after. Toji can't stand it when he's at home, waiting, imagining everything you're doing, fucking dying to have you, he jerks off so much it starts to hurt, and it's all your fault, which you would delight in knowing truly. When you come back over in the damn cheer outfit the next day, and Megumi isn't home yet, you sigh. 'Oh, then I'll come back later-' Toji stops you then, locking the door with a click. 'Oh you'll cum alright'
Your best friend's dad Toji has you up on his kitchen counter, thighs spread, pulling your panties up so that your wet spot darkens them, and he sees the plump lips of your pussy. 'real slutty, where's your shorts huh?' you smile at him, then gasp as he grips your chin, and your head falls back against the wall. 'I want you to see' you finally admit, and he glares at you. 'and why the fuck you torturing me!?' you gasp at him. 'it's you who torture me!' 'nah, doll, you know what you're doing, and I'm tired of it, gonna shut you the fuck up' Toji yanks your panties off as you gasp. 'gonna make you forget any dumb college boy has ever touched you' he says, before he sinks two thick digits, moaning as he watches your pretty face get fucked out.
Your best friend's dad Toji laps at your little clit, as your hands entwine in his inky hair, and he feels like it's so wrong, you're like at least sixteen years younger, your his kids best friend. Shit you practically lived here, but once he gets a taste of your slick pussy, he's done for. He's got you cumming all over his fingers in minutes, and you're drunk off it, as he keeps licking, scar brushing your inner lips as you pull him closer. "Mr. Fushiguro..." You're whining out, and he smirks, pulling back and spitting right on your pussy, watching it drip from your twitchy clit to your soppy little hole. 'don't call me that right now, not when you're about to cum all over my face again, huh?' you eagerly obey, earning his chuckle 'guess this is how I get you to listen'
Your best friend's dad Toji slurps up more of your cum, obscene in the little kitchen, and you're fucking his face, his fingers, all while his cock his throbbing in his sweats, and you're whispering 'Toji!' he slaps your pussy then, loud in the room, with wet sticky fingers, you scream out at it, cunt throbbing around nothing, ready to be filled by him. 'Please, please...' he chuckles again- 'please what, doll?' you're shattering as he scissors his fingers in and out of your soppy hole 'please fuck mee, please!' he moans against your cunt, rubbing himself where the precum has leaked out past his boxers and even to his sweats, nipping at your clit as you cum again. 'want me to actually fuck you, huh? show you how a man does it?' 'please Toji...'
Your best friend's dad Toji carries you to his bed, the place he so frequently pumps his cock to the thought of you, eyeing your already fucked out face, smirking down at you as he spreads your thighs. 'then need to ask me properly, huh doll?' you blink in confusion, as he leans over you, cock still under his clothes, gripping your wrists as you wriggle, aching for him. 'I said please though!' he presses a kiss to your lips, and you taste yourself on him, moaning into his mouth. 'say please 'daddy''
Comment if you wanna get tagged in this freaky shit lol
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#jjk smut#jjk x fem!reader#toji smut#toji x you#toji x reader smut#toji x reader#toji x y/n#toji fushiguro smut#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro#jjk toji#fushiguro toji x reader
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