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misshoneyimhome · 4 months ago

Note

can i make a request for a prompt where someone on the other team says something about willy’s girl on the ice (“i’ll have your girl on her knees for me in no time” or something sexual like that), and willy ends up fighting the guy, which is super unusual for him obv. he wins the fight but gets sent off the ice for the remainder of the game.

reader is watching the game from the stands and is really concerned seeing willy loose it like that, a little pissed off at him for it, and kinda turned on.

after the game willy is pissed and pretty quiet/non verbal, and they argue about it until he ends up telling her what was said. she assures him that nobody could ever “take” her from him and shows him how much she means that and it’s really spicy with dominate/angry willy. 🥵

Of course, you can babe! 🤗 I do always enjoy some riled-up Willy, whether jealous or pissed off, doesn't matter ⚡️

Now I know I didn't end up doing so much angry!Willy during the smutty part, my apologies! But I do hope I captured the essence of your idea - I just thought it was fun to play with the concept of the 'on her knees' part 🙈 Please, I still hope you enjoy it 💕

Tropes & Warnings; William Nylander x reader, established relationship; 18+ smut; oral sex (m recieving), that's really it;

Word count; 3.6K

Taglist; @couldawouldashoulda50 @findapenny @justwanderingbutneverlost @Fortheloveofnylander

➼｡ﾟ

Forever Thine, Forever Mine, Forever Ours | William Nylander

The playoffs were really taking a toll on your boyfriend William Nylander like never before. Although he'd faced this challenge many times in the past, this season seemed particularly tough as the Maple Leafs took on the Boston Bruins.

The atmosphere around the team was tense and filled with anticipation. Each game against the Bruins was a demanding test of skill and stamina, and the pressure was almost tangible. Every match felt like a battle, with each player pushing themselves to their limits in pursuit of victory. And William found himself at the heart of this storm, his usually composed demeanour giving way to a determined intensity that was unprecedented.

William had had an incredible season, no doubt about that. He not only scored goals and made assists, but he also proved to be an exceptional team player, dedicating himself fully both on and off the ice. His commitment showed in his training sessions, the extra hours he put in to refine his skills and physique, and his unwavering support for his teammates. He was undoubtedly a part of the pillar of the team, earning admiration and respect from everyone.

Especially you.

As his girlfriend, even though it was still your first year officially together, your relationship had quickly become deeper and more meaningful than any other. Your bond with William had grown strong, anchored in mutual respect, love, and understanding, while also being filled with fun and excitement.

You cherished every moment you spent together - from quiet mornings to late-night conversations. And the way his eyes lit up whenever he saw you, captured each moment perfectly. It was amidst the chaos of the hockey season, your relationship provided a sanctuary where both of you could find peace and comfort.

Yet, as the playoffs advanced, you could see how much it was affecting him. His usual easy-going nature often gave way to a serious intensity, reflecting how much this competition meant to him. The weight of expectations and the physical demands of the games were evident in every move he made and every sigh he let out. So, you did your utmost to support him, to be his rock during this challenging time, yet you couldn't help but worry.

On the brighter note, just before game six, you managed to carve out a moment to celebrate William's birthday. Naturally, you had made sure to turn off his alarm before getting to work on preparing his favourite breakfast: traditional Swedish pancakes with all the toppings he could desire. Alongside, you whipped up some scrambled eggs and bacon to ensure he had enough protein ahead of the game the following day. And of course, there was freshly brewed coffee, freshly squeezed juice, and the table was set beautifully.

The aroma of bacon and pancakes filled the air, mingling with the scent of coffee brewing, as the early morning sunlight streamed through the large windows, casting a warm, golden glow throughout the condo. You paused to take in the peaceful scene, hoping it would offer William a brief respite from the mounting pressure of the playoffs.

And after everything was ready, you found William still snoozing peacefully on his stomach. You approached him gently, sitting on the bed before running your fingers over his muscular back and shoulders, and leaned down to place soft kisses on his cheek.

With a light groan, William slowly stirred from his sleep, his soft gaze meeting yours as he smiled. "Well, this is a beautiful sight to wake up to," he murmured huskily, his voice rough from sleep.

"Only the best for my birthday boy," you replied sweetly, running your fingers through his hair.

"Mmm," William chuckled. "And is that bacon I smell?" He turned onto his back, grinning widely at you.

You couldn't help but return his smile, as you admired his gorgeous toned torso. "Yes, indeed. Like I said, only the best for my birthday boy."

William was without a doubt beyond grateful for your efforts. And clad in his most comfortable clothes, his eyes gleamed with love and appreciation as he took in the sight of the beautifully set table filled with his favourite breakfast treats. He then reached out, pulling you into a warm embrace, and pressed a tender kiss to your forehead.

"You're amazing, you know that?" William said with admiration in his voice.

You chuckled lightly, leaning into his touch. "Hmm, yes, I do know - but I don’t mind hearing it from you."

William laughed softly as he then took his seat. And as you both enjoyed the delicious breakfast, savouring the quiet morning, a deep sense of contentment settled over you. Despite the challenges and pressures outside, everything felt perfect in that moment.

After indulging in the tasteful breakfast, you decided it was time to give William the carefully chosen birthday gift you had prepared for him. Shopping for your boyfriend was never really easy, considering he seemed to have everything he wanted. And naturally, he had even told you multiple times that you didn't need to buy him anything, but you couldn't resist. You wanted to get your boyfriend a gift, no matter how big or small.

So, placing the wrapped box in front of him, you watched William chuckled deeply. "I told you, you didn't have to get me anything, babe."

"I know, but I wanted to. So, hush and just open it," you replied firmly, though there was a playful tone in your voice.

And as he began to open the perfectly squared box, his lips curved into a wide smile upon discovering the watch you had chosen. Although he didn't particularly need a new watch, you thought it would be a way for you to be part of his everyday style. And judging by the look on his face, you believed you'd nailed it.

"Wow, babe, this is amazing," William said, taking the watch out of the box to examine it closely.

You couldn't help but smile, feeling a sense of pride as you watched him. Yet, your heart beat a little faster as you still had to show him your favourite part. So, gently taking the watch from his fingers, you turned it around so he could read the small engraving on the underside of the metal.

"Forever thine, forever mine, forever ours."

William's eyes softened as he read the inscription, his expression shifting from delight to something deeper and more loving. He then looked up at you, his gaze filled with emotion. "I love it," he murmured. "And I love you. So much."

"I love you too, Willy," you whispered softly, leaning in to press a tender kiss to his lips.

The rest of the day was spent in a blissful haze. You laughed, talked, and simply enjoyed each other’s company, savouring the rare moments of calm before the storm. And as the sun set, casting long shadows across the city, you felt a renewed sense of hope and determination. No matter what the playoffs threw at you, you knew you would face it together.

The stands were a sea of blue and white, the crowd's energy infectious, as you sat in your usual spot, proudly wearing a Leafs jersey with Nylander’s name and number emblazoned on the back. The air buzzed with excitement, fans cheering and chanting, their voices merging into a powerful roar that echoed through the arena. You could feel the anticipation building, each passing second bringing you closer to the start of the game.

And as the match unfolded, your eyes followed your boyfriend’s every move on the ice, your heart racing with each play. William was skating with fierce determination, his every move purposeful and precise. The game was intense, and the Bruins were playing aggressively, their aggression palpable even from the stands. As a Leafs fan, it felt downright dirty.

Your heart pounded with every hit, every pass, and every shot. You were on edge, knowing how much this game meant to William and the team. Yet, suddenly, a scuffle broke out near the boards. You squinted, trying to make out what was happening, and you noticed one of the Bruins players got in William’s face, seemingly taunting him.

You could see the tension in William’s posture, his shoulders tensing as the player leaned in, saying something that made his expression darken. To your great surprise, you then watched in horror as William’s fists clenched at his sides. And before you knew it, he had dropped his gloves and launched himself at the player, causing shouting to erupt around you as the two men collided, fists flying.

You let out a gasp.

This was so unlike William. He was usually known for his composure, his ability to stay cool under pressure, but whatever the Bruins player had said had pushed him over the edge. So, you swallowed hard as you watched intensely, heart in your throat, as William dominated the fight.

You were torn between anger that he’d initiated a physical fight—something that seemed unnecessary—and something more primal and lustful stirring within you. Embarrassingly, you had to admit that seeing William riled up and swinging his fists turned you on, biting your lower lip as arousal began to stir. And when William then finally sent the other player sprawling onto the ice, you felt a wave of heat, causing you to clench your thighs together.

However, the referees then quickly intervened, pulling them apart and escorting William off the ice as he was ejected for the remainder of the game, causing a knot of worry to twist in your stomach. This wasn’t like him at all. And as the game continued, your mind was only half on the action, the other half consumed with concern for William.

So, before the final buzzer sounded, you made your way down to the locker rooms, flashing your pass to security. Despite the team being close to a win, the atmosphere was subdued, and you could feel the tension radiating through the Scotiabank Arena.

Then you spotted William, sitting alone in his stall with his head in his hands. You approached cautiously through the locker room, your heart aching at the sight of him so dejected. His usually confident posture was slumped, his broad shoulders hunched over as if carrying an unbearable weight.

“Willy, baby,” you said softly, sitting down next to him. But he didn’t look up, his shoulders tense.

“Hey,” he simply muttered, his voice low and rough. You placed a hand on his arm, feeling the taut muscles beneath his jersey.

“What happened out there?” you asked, trying to keep your voice gentle despite the mix of emotions churning inside you. “That wasn’t like you.”

He was silent for a moment, but then finally lifted his head to meet your gaze. His eyes were dark, filled with anger and something else – something that made your heart ache.

“Nothing,” he simply mumbled, but you knew that was far from the truth.

“Come on, Willy, I know you better than that,” you pressed on, yet that only made William scowl at you with a hint of anger.

“I said nothing, alright!” he almost shouted as he swiftly rose from his seat. “Now can we just get out of here?”

You were baffled. William had never shouted at you like that before. And what was even more frustrating was that it had nothing to do with you. You hadn’t been out there on the ice; you hadn’t done anything to him. So, this little scene of his was unacceptable..

Standing up as well, you crossed your arms and took a step forward. “Nuh huh, you don’t get to yell at me like that. Just tell me what happened; it’s clearly bothering you,” you spoke firmly, yet kept your tone from shouting.

William let out a deep, frustrated sigh, hands on his hips as he looked at you with a tense expression. “He said something, alright... something about you,” he admitted, his voice tight and still furious. “Something... disgusting. And I just couldn’t let him get away with it.”

Your breath caught in your throat, a mix of anger and a strange thrill coursing through you. “What did he say?”

William clenched his jaw, his eyes flashing as he pressed his lips together before speaking with spite. “He said… he’d have you on your knees for him in no time. That you could be his if he wanted you. And… maybe if they won tonight… he’d have a round with you.”

The words hung between you, heavy and vile, as you felt a surge of fury on his behalf, but also a deep, abiding love. William had fought, but he had done it for you. He had taken a risk, potentially being ejected from the game, just to protect you. And the thought of his loyalty and the lengths he would go to defend you made your heart swell and something even wilder grow within.

So, determined to end this small argument, you stepped forward and cupped William’s face in your hands, feeling the tension in his jaw. “Willy, no one could ever take me from you. No one.”

His eyes searched yours, the anger slowly giving way to something more primal. “I know. You’re mine,” he simply said, his voice low and rough as he leaned down to meet yours, his hands finding your waist and pulling you closer to his body. “Only mine.”

“Yes,” you whispered, your lips almost touching his, the words a promise. “Only yours.”

Both of you were beyond eager to close the gap, to taste each other. The kiss you then shared ignited something fiercer between you, a flame that quickly grew. And before you knew it, William had lifted you into his embrace, his strong hands possessively holding your buttocks as he pressed you against the cool tiles of the locker room wall. His anger and desire melded into a fervent, almost desperate need to claim you, to reassure himself of your loyalty. The intensity of his kiss deepened, his touch firm and unyielding, conveying everything he felt without a single word.

Your breath hitched as he kissed you fiercely. But then, he breathlessly pulled away. “Tell me you’re mine,” he demanded, his voice rough with need, before briefly kissing you again, lightly biting your lip.

“I’m yours, Willy,” you gasped, your fingers tangling in his hair. “Forever yours.”

He growled low in his throat, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. “Damn right,” he muttered, his lips hungrily trailing down your neck, marking you as his. “No one else.”

His touch was demanding, almost punishing in its intensity, but you welcomed it, needing to show him just how much he meant to you. And as he claimed you with every kiss, every touch, the bond between you strengthened, unbreakable and eternal.

Yet, by the time you heard a loud whistle sound, signalling the rest of the team could soon enter the locker room, you were both spent, breathless and entwined. The anger had almost ebbed away, leaving only a profound sense of connection and belonging.

So, letting out a deep breath, both of you couldn’t help but smile. “You should probably get changed so we can get out of here as soon as possible?” you suggested, a playful smirk curving your lips. And without needing to ask twice, William eagerly agreed, gently putting you down on your feet.

He then swiftly and skillfully shed his hockey gear, a sight you couldn’t help but enjoy. As he changed into more comfortable clothes, you simply watched him with hungry eyes, and a smile tugged at your lips.

“Alright, let’s go,” William commanded, grabbing your hand.

“Willy, the game is almost over. Maybe we should wait so you can finish up with the team,” you protested, though your voice betrayed your desire to be alone with him.

“Do I look like I give a shit? Come on.”

William’s words were nothing but determined, and before you could object further, he was pulling you towards the car park and his vehicle.

Walking through the dimly lit corridors of the arena, the distant sounds of the game fading behind you, your mind raced with the evening’s events. The way William had defended your honour, his fierce protectiveness, and now his urgency to take you away from it all—it stirred a mix of emotions within you.

And while in the car, William’s hand remained firmly on your thigh. His touch was reassuring, his grip steady on the steering wheel as he navigated through the city. Though the journey home was quiet, the tension of the night slowly dissolved yet still palpable as the city lights streaked past. Glancing at your boyfriend, his jaw set in determination, you couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride and love.

Upon arriving at his condo, the familiar comfort of home enveloping you both, William wasted no time, pulling you into his arms again the moment the door closed behind you. His kiss was tender yet fervent, a silent promise of his unwavering devotion, as he allowed himself to taste you once more.

You were in no doubt about his pure intentions of the evening, so as he gently guided you to the spacious sofa, you had something on your mind.

With a confident expression on your face, you then pushed him down onto the cushions, hungrily licking your lips as you spoke. “How about I get on my knees for you? Then you can have me if that’s what you want.”

Repeating the words of the opposing player had William’s eyes darkening with desire, his breath hitching as he processed your words. “You don’t have to do that,” he murmured, though the raw need in his gaze betrayed his true feelings.

“Oh, but I want to,” you whispered, your voice husky with anticipation. “I want to show you just how much you mean to me, and how grateful I am for everything you do.”

So, before he could protest further, you were already kneeling between his legs, your hands trailing up his thighs. The look of sheer adoration and lust on his face sent a thrill through you, fueling your desire to please him.

As you maintained your gaze with his, you deftly slipped a couple of fingers past the elastic waistband of his joggers and boxers, gently pulling them down to expose his semi-hard erection to the air. William let his lips part slightly, desire stirring within him, and a moan then escaped him as he felt your soft lips on his tender skin.

“Oh yes, baby,” William grunted, his hand finding your hair and gently pulling you closer.

You began to worship him with your touch, taking his length into your warm, wet mouth, relaxing your throat enough to take him deeper. You felt him grow harder on your touch, his hands tangled in your hair as he guided you but still letting you set the pace. The connection between you was electric, every moment charged with the intensity of your feelings for each other.

You breathed steadily through your nose as you moved your lips up and down his shaft, alternating between licking and using your hand to cover what your mouth didn’t. You listened attentively to William’s pleasure-filled noises, his small grunts signalling his climax approaching.

With each suck, lick, and caress, you poured your love and devotion into your actions. His low groans and whispered words of encouragement spurred you on, each sound driving your mind wilder to please him. Taking your time, savouring every moment, you ensured he felt just how much you adored and cherished him.

“Fuck, baby, yes…” he moaned softly under his breath.

You tried to maintain eye contact as you continued working his member, increasing speed and depth with each moment, saliva dribbling from the corner of your mouth as you hungrily guided him in and out.

“Oh yes… Mmmm,” William moaned louder as you intensified your actions. “Shit, baby… I’m gonna come if you keep going like that.”

And naturally, you wanted to push William over the edge, to give him that peak of pleasure, a rush of euphoria only you could provide. Then as you noticed him closing his eyes, leaning his head back, and lightly lifting his hips towards you, you knew he was on the brink.

You couldn’t help but enjoy the pleasure you could bring him, and as you pumped his shaft a few more times, he then let out a deep grunt before he released himself into your mouth. You always savoured the taste of William’s cum, a blend of sweetness and saltiness. And ensuring to clean him up thoroughly, you coaxed out the last drops.

William’s breathing became ragged, his body tense with pleasure as you gently released him from your mouth. “You’re incredible,” he murmured, his voice filled with awe and desire. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”

Looking up at him, your eyes brimming with love, you whispered hoarsely, “I’m all yours, Willy,” thick with emotion. You placed a gentle kiss on his cock before slowly rising on your knees to come closer to his face.

And when he finally regained control of his breathing, the look of pure ecstasy on his face was all the reward you needed. William pulled up his sweats and then drew you into his arms, his kisses fervent and filled with gratitude as he tasted the remains of himself on your lips.

“You’re amazing,” he murmured against your lips. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”

“Me neither,” you replied with a chuckle, your heart swelling with love as you snuggled into his embrace. “But that doesn’t matter.” Gently, you traced the watch on his wrist, a gift from you that he had chosen to wear that day. “Forever thine, forever mine,” you whispered.

“Forever ours,” William finished the quote, prompting you to look up into his blue eyes, a smile spreading across your face.

��Exactly.”

#my asks #smut 18+#wn88 imagine #william nylander imagine #william nylander smut #william nylander x reader #toronto maple leafs imagine #nhl hockey smut

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withwritersblock · 8 months ago

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Small Talk

~Small Talk by Niall Horan~

Author's Note: this is my favorite Niall Song, so of course I had to write something inspired by it tehe Summary: Kirby's flying high on adrenaline after a win against his former team. Word Count: 1,243 Warnings: Implied smut Kirby Dach x fm!reader

It was past midnight and it was easy to say the team was drunk. The team was in Chicago after a shootout win against the Blackhawks.

Kirby was on cloud nine, winning the shootout for the Canadiens against his former team. He hasn’t wiped off the smug grin off of his face any time someone looks at him. He knew his celebration after the goal was cocky, that was the point. It felt good to silence the boos and the loud obnoxious cheering.

It felt good.

He wanted to continue to feel good, hence the majority of the roster in the hotel bar, plastered. They didn’t have a game for a few days, travel day tomorrow gave them enough permission to get drunk. The everlasting cameras made sure they weren’t sloppy, just drunk.

His gaze lingered on the TV screen watching the ESPN highlight reel that replayed his shootout goal win, for the third time. The smiles on the reporters' faces was enough for him to know it was good.

His teammates erupted into cheers as they rewatched the clip. His experience with the Canadiens has been a completely new and better experience than he could’ve ever imagined. They were closer to his age, competitive, and more fun to be around.

Sure, the season hasn’t gone remotely the way they’ve wanted but the chemistry was growing fast. The goal was in a few years time, they’d be contenders for the cup.

His eyes shifted to the girl across the bar, admiring the soft smile on her lips as she spoke to her friend. He pressed his lips together as he continued to keep his gaze on her admiring every last inch of her.

To be fair, the pair were quite literally the only two girls in the whole bar who didn’t come up and try to flirt with him. He liked that.

He always preferred the chase, the eagerness to seek out and get the girl he wants. Not the girls that tend to beg for his attention. He wanted to beg for her attention. She was stunning and in a hotel bar. Which means she’s not local and also maybe looking for a one off.

He dropped his gaze to the beer in his hand as Cole slapped his hand against Kirby’s arm.

“You could go talk to her,” Cole said with a teasing smirk on his lips. Kirby rolled his eyes. “Her friend is pretty, I can be your wingman,”

“I don’t need a wingman,” he expressed as he brought the glass to his lips and took a long sip.

“Then go talk to her,” Cole nudged him as he spoke. Kirby rolled his eyes as he looked towards the pair again, shocked to see the two walking towards the bar top. Kirby meets her gaze and watches her eyes squint slightly as they wandered towards the other side of the bar top. At least four seats away from Cole and Kirby. “I’m talking to her friend,” he muttered before finishing his small glass of vodka and lemonade. He saunters towards the pair, leaning against the bar top. Instantly and easily striking a conversation with the girl.

Kirby chugs the rest of the beer as he looks towards her again. Her eyes are already burning a hole into the side of his head, a small smirk toying her lips. Kirby pulled his lips between his teeth as he scanned her features, imagining her in many different positions.

He clenched his jaw as he turned around towards the bartender, “Can I get another one?” He asked, tipping the glass towards him. He nodded before pouring more orange liquid into the cup. He shifted his gaze towards the girl who’s now actually walking towards him. He straightened his body as he planted both of his hands on the bar top.

She leaned her body against the bar top, meeting the bartenders eye. “Can I get a rum and coke, please,” she asked him with a smile. He nodded

“What room is it under?” The bartender asked as he began pouring the alcohol into the short glass.

“You can put under mine,” Kirby interjected, the girl looked towards him and smiled.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, as she met his blue eyes. They stare towards each other, smiling towards one another before she turns her gaze towards her glass.

“So is this your play?” She asked before taking a small sip from it. He furrowed his eyebrows, pulling his head back. “Stare at a girl for so long it’s almost creepy. Then send your friend to flirt with my friend, so I’m forced to come chat up the seemingly very popular pretty boy in the bar,” she explained, maintaining eye contact the whole time.

“I was going to talk to you after this beer,” he offered as he dropped his gaze to the half drunk beer in his hand.

“Needed liquid courage? Am I really that scary?” She mumbled. He shrugged.

Their eyes remained connected as they took long sips of their drinks, it was as if their minds were connected. Each thought seemed to be read instantly as their eyes were communicating for them.

“You from Chicago?” He asked before licking his lips, she shook her head. Perfect.

“Seattle,” she mumbled, tilting her head to the side offering him the same question.

“Montreal,” he said. Confusion contorted her features, he chuckled. “I play hockey for the Canadiens.”

She nodded politely as she turned her gaze towards the TV hanging above her head towards the same clip that was playing earlier, “You?” She offered pointing towards it. He nodded, a smug grin on his face.

“I’m Y/N,” she let out as she took a step towards him.

“Kirby,” he offered her as he looked her body up and down, picturing her pinned to her mattress.

It was almost as if her mind was thinking the same thing as she placed her glass on the bar top and delicately placed her hand on his chest. His cheeks flushed for a moment.

She leaned towards him, delicately brushing her lips against his lips. She felt him inch towards her.

“I leave for the airport at 9 tomorrow,” she muttered against his lips.

“I’ll be gone before then,” he whispered back. She smirked before she teasingly grazed her fingertips along his chest before she slowly began to walk away from him. She turned around hoping to find him following her. He was.

She smiled to herself as his hands found her waist, bunching up the fabric of her dress. She bit her bottom lip as she continued towards the elevator, pressing the button multiple times. Turning around, her eyes met his blue eyes that became darker as they progressed from the hotel bar to the lobby elevators. She turned around and leaned her body against the wall, he looked deeply into her eyes.

“Why are you in Chi-” he began to question but she interrupted by placing a finger against his lips, shushing him. He smirked as he took a hold of her hand, interlocking their fingers as the elevator doors opened, revealing an empty elevator.

They quickly scramble into the elevator, his hands quickly lowering from her waist to her thighs, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist, she presses her lips against his briefly before pressing the tenth floor to her hotel room. She looks towards him leaning down and kissing him once more.

#nhl imagines #montreal canadiens #montreal canadiens imagines #kirby dach #kirby dach x reader #kirby dach imagines #nhl #nhl x reader #hockey #hockey x reader #hockey imagines #nhl fic

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araminthe · 1 month ago

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8 October, Tuesday 2024

Ouffffff

Last time I updated was almost a month ago and let me tell you that sooo much has happened.

(Needed to take some time for myself, and so much happened, didn't have the energy, nor felt the need to share on tumblr)

So,

Main events of the previous month:

- Had multiple outings with friends and family, was soo much fun, made some life memories ♡

- School started, I had to start this year in a degree I don't like, but hey I met soo much girls/friends and we happened to have so much in common, imagine my surprise when I discover thar one of them knows my cousin 🤨, so guess those 3 weeks in this degree were worth it ✨️✨️

- Now, the NEWS I was expecting since the start of september, I wanted to change studies to go into science and I GOT ACCEPTED. Well I have almost 3 weeks of classes to catch up on but at least I LOVE what I'm learning and studying. I definitely did not feel that in my previous degree, but now it's like I can finally exploit my skills and knowledge. I feel like im in the right field. Youhouuu! 🎉

(I'm also on the same campus than a cousin of mine and 2 close friends, isn't everything soo great? I rarely saw them before but now we often cross paths hehe, that's one of the perks of studying in the city you grew up in)

- I also met with multiple close friends I hadn't seen for a long time so it's also a positive note.

- Today, I had my first driving lesson, I never drove a car before so I will have to take between 30 and 35 hours of lesson.

Almost 60euros per lesson, oh gosh that's so expensive 💀💀💀💀

And my cousin only had to drive 20hours. HAAAAAA. *expressing frustration

And omg the instructor literally tried to intimidate me, I think she was testing me, she invaded my personal space, and I was like "Hehe alright when do we start " 😀 Ughh, help.

- I also watched the 2nd season of jjk, and damn gege, stop making the fans suffer.

(I never watch animes even tho I love them, so for me that was also an accomplishment)

Anddd that's it I guess.

Now

Personal goals:

Did I stop scrolling? No, but I'm not extremely addicted anymore, I can stop and not be distracted when I study so it means I improved on that point.

Those last 6 months struggles paid off it means 😁

(But I need to be careful to not fall back into it, I think it could easily happen)

I'm also including short exercices in my routine.

Stretching more often.

I still don't eat healthy, on this aspect I'm doing really bad at the moment 😓

But, I can study without distractions and actually work my lessons, that's a W.

What else could I mention?

Sleep: I have a nice sleep schedule now, I managed to sleep early almost every night and wake up early in the mornings, I feel rested and great.

Mental health: I think it's adulthood doing that to me but I've started to go from optimistic to pessimistic. I discovered lots of new negative feelings during the last year, I don't like how I'm changing negatively.

I guess I just had a taste of reality, not everything's perfect, neither are people, I guess I've started to come out of my bubbly wrapped pink dusted innocent view of life. Welcome to reality as they say. People are not as nice as I had always thought. I'm starting to not like people. But I only became 19 recently after all, i feel like a child mentally, am I not 1 year old in adulthood?

Anyway, I just want to be nice for the sake of it, does it mean they will see me as naive ans stupid? Well I am not, I just chose to be kind.

Let me fight evil with kindness.

Also need to work on my faith, because without it I lose my inner peace.

And to finish, let's talk about health; well, health wise I'm really not doing great. I really can't handle the humidity in my city and everyday I feel like im about to have a heart attack in the sense that I feel this humidity in my head, heart, bones, nose, throat, EVERYDAY. I really don't feel great, and I KNOW that's its because of how humid everything is.

I'm even 80% sure that it's because of the humidity that I developed so much allergies. Screw bad healthcare and bad doctors, in 6 years, couldn't they tell me that I was suffering everyday single day because I had developed so many allergies? Maybe it should have been obvious when I told them that I sneezed literally hundreds of times per day and had a very runny nose every day of the year FOR 6 YEARS

(I feel resentment)

Well.

Overall life has been 70% positive, 30% negative.

So much great things happened and I'm really happy but life's not easy for anyone and like any lambda human, I have my deal of problems.

But well, I think our purpose as humans is to keep trying to BE better and DO better.

So I won't give up, for the sake of my own life.

And we always have more good things in life than bad, others sometimes even have it worse, we just need to be open minded enough to see all the great things that have been granted to us.

Goodnight people.

N'abandonne pas, ça va aller <3

Crois en toi et continue à faire des efforts ✨️

#random life update #many great but also bad things #just me yapping about life #stay well y'all

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myreygn · 2 years ago

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Top 22 of 2022 Tag Game

thank you for the tag @giggly-squiggily!

i literally took notes on all the questions so i wouldn't have to skip between my drafts and different pages all the time lol

(also note: i'm not really taking into account when things got released, it's more about my first encounter with them)

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part 1: FANDOM FAVES

01 - favorite new fandoms of the year

Sk8 The Infinity, Demon Slayer, Tokyo Revengers, Kuroko no Basket, Hadestown, The Legend of Vox Machina

02 - favorite new ships of the year

matsukuro (Haikyuu!!), matchablossom (Sk8 The Infinity), sanegiyu, tanosuke (Demon Slayer), kisetaka, imazumi (Kuroko no Basket), vaxmore (The Legend of Vox Machina)

03 - favorite anime/tv show of the year

The Owl House (s2B), Inside Job (s2), Sk8 The Infinity, Demon Slayer

04 - favorite movie of the year

The Boondock Saints, Princess Mononoke, Turning Red, Kiki's Delivery Service, Starship Troopers

05 - favorite character of the year

Cherry (Sk8 The Infinity), Sanemi, Tengen, Inosuke (Demon Slayer), Takao (Kuroko no Basket), Baji (Tokyo Revengers), Willow, Gus (The Owl House)

06 - favorite soundtrack of the year

DRAG: The Musical was the only thing i listened to for like the entirety of november, check it out, the cast recording is great!

07 - favorite book/manga/comic of the year

The Picture of Dorian Gray, Den Schattenmann belügst du nicht, The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, Haikyuu!! manga

08 - favorite game of the year

i think the only new game i played was Genshin Impact but tbh it hasn't really convinced me yet

09 - highlight of this year to remember

the 8 hour victorious analysis video by @quinton-reviews

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part 2: COMMUNITY REVIEW

10 - favorite tumblr moment of the year

the return of Goncharov made me very happy because i had never heard of it before and i'm glad that i've seen the movie now

11 - favorite fan art of the year

several - i discovered this absolute gem by @shotzgoboom, this gorgeous art by @transformersluna and also i loved all of @hinata-boke's "every day a haikyuu character, but these three were my favorites

12 - favorite fic of the year

again, a few. on tumblr there were three tword fics i absolutely loved this year: Corruption by @giggly-squiggily, this tickletober fic by @ticklygiggles and Oh, how the mighty fall by @parkersaysthings. I also found two absolutely amazing works on ao3 you should definitely check out: Watching As I Fall by @streetsoldierin and the knife on my back has your name in it, your hands are stained with my blood, we call love and violence by the same name by @ffslynch-ao3.

13 - favorite ask game of the year

the writers ask meme and my very own spotify ask game

14 - my top achievements as a writer/creator

i got commissioned for the very first time, that was huge for me ^^

15 - my own best fic/post the year

my best post overall (notes-wise) was the victorious meme i made. the best fics were touching you (most notes) and the boy who cared (personal favorite).

16 - my most underappreciated fic/post of the year

my taglist lol

17 - a post of mine that got more attention than expected

that would be my kuroyaku x taylor swift post which i didn't expect to get any notes whatsoever

18 - something i changed on my blog this year

i changed my header quote for the first time from ideas are bulletproof to monstrous and unlawful

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part 3: NEXT YEAR

19 - something i didn't post this year but would like to post next year

allll the fics on the wip list lol

20 - my goals for next year

i hope to reach 300 followers next year because i wanna do some kind of milestone event

21 - 2023 releases i look forward to the most

Outer Banks season 3, The Legend of Vox Machina season 2, the Attack on Titan finale so i can FINALLY talk to my friend about it, two new albums by Måneskin and Subway to Sally

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part 4: SPREADING LOVE

22 - shout out to all the people who made my 2022 a better year

@duckymcdoorknob: THE OG WIFE <3 looking back on it, i think you were a big part of me finding my own little group here and i'm sososo thankful for that 💛 you're an amazing writer and so kind and sweet, even tho you pulled me back into the confusing hell that is discord to me sjxfghdk i'm so happy to know you <3

@parkersaysthings: SUP PRETTY BOY, you made it onto the list <3 i said it once and i'll say it again; THANK YOU FOR RANDOMLY TEXTING ME!! you're amazing and i have so much fun talking to you about the ocs™, i never thought i could get that invested in non canon characters and thank you sm for showing me 💛

@italeean: i was excited to find someone on the same continent as me and then you were sweet, kind and funny on top of that as a bonus <3 ily sugar, stay wonderful and get ready for more unfiltered knb reactions lol

@rattypattyy: you were the first tumblr friendo i really talked to and it was an honor 🫡 fuck timezones lmao, it was worth it <3 ILY WIFE YOU'RE MY GO TO PERSON WHEN I WANT TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS AND IT'S SO MUCH FUN EVERY TIME

@ticklygiggles: they say never meet your idol but you proved them wrong <3 i remember freaking out when you liked one of my fics and seeing you in my notes still never fails to make me smile, you're so sweet and ily 💕

@jimini-mini: i know, i still owe you a message and it'll come, i promise. until then have this: YOU'RE SO COOL!! i remember finding your bokuroo fic and when i saw that you posted it on my bday i knew it was destiny lol and i'm so glad i wrote that review because talking to you is so much fun still <3

@fanfic-chan: dessie my sweet angel, i am so glad i got to know you because you're the absolute kindest soul! you always made my day by randomly sliding into my ask box just to say hello and ily and ilyt dessie, thank you for being my friend 💛

@giggly-squiggily: another writer i cannot fathom even acknowledges my existence ^^' i love your writing so much and seeing you interact with mine always makes me so happy, you're an absolute sunshine and i'm really glad to know you <3

#tag game #about rey #rey's moots #ily guys #damn that got long

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thisislizheather · 10 months ago

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2024 Resolutions

It’s 2024. Why.

Before I let you know what my 2024 resolutions are, here are some other things of note that you might be interested in doing right now.

Every January I make sure to:

Mark down all important anniversaries/birthdays/holidays/weddings (also Daylight Saving Times, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving) on my calendar.

Check expiration dates for my passport/license/health card/insurance/vet vaccinations and write down any important renewal dates.

Schedule all my doctor, dentist and hair cut appointments for the entire year.

Go through my entire fridge and throw away anything expired (this should really get done every month, but I’ll tell you right now that I never remember to do that).

RESOLUTIONS

Read at least one book per season.

Take Baby Dog on an adventure at least twice a season.

Properly go on a date with Nathan at least once a month.

Try at least one new restaurant each month.

Go on a solo trip.

Style outfits with more care. (I’ll forever have that Bill Cunningham quote floating around my head, “Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life.”)

Have a final manuscript in my hands that I will continue to submit until someone wants to publish it.

See at least twenty of the movies that have been on my to-be-watched list for literal years.

Stop agreeing to things that I don’t want to do.

Continue to photograph all of the things that bring me joy.

BONUS: Reread and remember these resolutions at least once a month.

If these seem like frivolous and unserious goals, then we probably wouldn’t make great friends. I make these resolutions intentionally because they’re important to me and to my well being. And I encourage you to make your own in the same fashion. I don’t mean to sound preachy, but everything gets harder with each passing year, so I think it’s best to carve out time for the things that make you happy.

You can see how I did with my 2023 resolutions over here, if you’re interested.

And if you’re looking for more resolution ideas, here are some past ones of mine: 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014.

#resolution #resolutions #resolution ideas #2024 resolutions #this is liz heather #Liz Heather #2024 resolution ideas #NYC

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njtw-notes · 1 year ago

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why njtw-notes?

hey!♡ in this post I wanted to outline the purpose of this blog, and how it can be used by both me and you!

﹖why njtw-notes? with njtw being my favorite variety show, I've watched it countless times, and picked up a lot of words and phrases, that helped me with learning korean! so I've decided, that I want to go the extra mile, to not leave a stone unturned and try to learn everyting unknown from this show, all the words I was too lazy to look up when I was watching lol; but also I wanted to make a place where if you're also watching the show & learning korean, you have a space where each episode's vocab is broken down and explained!

﹖ why so much effort for a variety show? in my exprerience, variety shows have been one of the best ways to learn and remember new words, its always like a random chance, you might get an everyday word, that just will be easier to remember, or a completelly out-of-pocket word, that you won't hear in your daily life or study curriculum

﹖ how does everyting work? if you have a corresponding post opened while watching an episode, you will be able to have most of the words explanations visible and ready to read! also good for if you've watched the show before and want to refresh your memory, or if you're picking up a new show to better your korean!

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ what kind of posts can I find here?˖ ݁݁ 𖥔.

☆ long-format vocab posts - like most of the currently existing posts, these are basically as the name of the blog suggests lol all of the notes I'm taking while rewatching the episodes, all of the new words & expressions that are interesting to me;

☆ short-format vocab posts - however, I believe that not every single person is interested in all the little tiny details, so these posts will feature a top-10 selection of the most useful words/expressions from the episode! (level varying from beginner-intermediate)

☆ konglish posts - these will feature all the konglish words used; because these are way easier to remember and there's not so many, words from multiple season could be combined in one post!

☆ 사자성어 & 속담 posts - special posts for four-syllable idioms and proverbs

☆ other phrases and words posts - a post here and there about an episode of a different show, like I've done for HYBE x Game Caterers (also produced by Na PD so it counts lol), or about the use of 비글, or "beagle" and other dog breeds as a personality type

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ can I..........˖ ݁݁ 𖥔.

......ask questions about a specific word/grammar? - yes, of course! please include all the relevant info (like season, episode, time stamp etc) and I'll try my best to explain it!

......use the 사자성어 and 속담 lists for preparing for TOPIK? - yes, that's exactly why I'm doing it too! the goal is to at least be familiar with as many as possible, so this is a good way to do this!

......request a different show/episode breakdown? - if the show/episode is related to njtw and its cast, then I will probably get to it and it will be covered in the future, so absolutely yes! however for other shows it might be not always possible :( someone stop me before i make running-man-notes too lol

✖ please do not.... ✖

.......reuse for personal or commercial profit - this includes posting a screenshot and claiming creation of it or using all the matherial to make a study course etc. while creating these posts is fun, it's also hard work with all the compiling, rewatching and researching, so for someone else to just take it and run with it would be unfair. BTW just sharing / reposting is absolutely fine! just if not done maliciously c:

☆ ending thoughts ☾

this blog has been an idea of mine for a few years now, and I'm so happy that I finally get to do it! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! ♡

also with doing these few posts I'm realizing this will probably take months if not years so....it's gonna be a long ride!! :D

any updates to this post will be linked here

thank you for reading and being here! here's to all the seasons we have ahead of ourselves <3

#new journey to the west #njtw #korean #korean vocabulary #learning korean #njtw-notes

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blindbeta · 4 years ago

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Blind/Visually Impaired Person’s Review Of ‘The Blind Bandit’

It is here! At almost 6 thousand words (I have a problem lol). This is a review of season 2, episode 6 in Avatar: the Last Airbender. The episode is called The Blind Bandit.

Note that this is only a review of the portrayal of blindness rather than the episode or show itself. This show also has audio descriptions on Netflix so any blind followers of mine can watch the show if the want to. I would also like to make it clear that this is my opinion. It is my no means lacking in bias and I won’t pretend that it is. I love this character for some of the reasons I will explain here, and that will show even as I consider criticisms of her or things that simply could have been better.

This character, Toph, was my first exposure to a blind character in television.

CHARACTER INTRO:

“Your champion, The Blind Bandit!”

We first hear Toph introduced as The Blind Bandit. She is described as having pale eyes which is usually how eye conditions are conveyed visually. Some online sources describe them as light grey or sea form green, but glazed over. This could be due to cataracts or some other deterioration. Part of me wants to mention that not all blind people have eyes like this. Most don’t; I don’t. However, blind people can have many eye problems outside of just The Blindness, so it isn’t inaccurate either, especially for a time period where eye surgeries are not available, and Waterbenders are not as easy to reach for healings as they may have been before the war. I also suspect her family would not care about cataracts if Toph was not in pain— their main issue would be her blindness. I’m getting ahead of myself.

The point is, I don’t mind the way her eyes are portrayed here. I do think non-blind people are too obsessed with portraying eyes like this, however, and I feel like it is not necessary in non-visual media unless you have established why their eyes are cloudy/lighter/Like That other than Because Blind. I’m happy they didn’t fall into the trap of portraying her eyes as constantly closed.

I also read somewhere that the creators tried not to move her eyes much. I don’t know how true this goal was, but I feel it is not entirely necessary. Blind people can also have uncontrollable eye movements or rapid eye movements. This might be too hard to animate and too confusing for viewers. Therefore, I feel the creators chose a more practical portrayal of eye movements that is the easiest to animate and least confusing for people who may not know blind eyes can and do move, whether due a condition or other factors.

“She can’t really be blind, can she?”

I like that everyone says “blind” without stumbling over it or treating it as a bad word. Katara is surprised and Aang is accepting, feeling hopeful that this girl could at last be his teacher. I even like that she chose to capitalize on it for her persona. Already we can tell Toph has no issue with being blind, nor does she feel the need to hide it in such a setting as this. She is already the champion— it must be working for her. It is this openness and acceptance of blindness that I like, especially from the main character. Rather than make her hide her blindness or angst over something she has lived with all her life, the writers just introduced it as fact. She’s blind and she’s a champion. That is how we meet Toph.

“Sounds to me like you’re scared, Boulder!”

Trash talk. She’s trash talking him. If the champion thing was not an indication that this wasn’t your stereotypical innocent, blind flower, her first line should be! Already Toph is brash and fearless. A far cry from the angelic stereotype we often get in the media.

“Your winner, and still the champion, The Blind Bandit!”

Toph kicks Boulder Butt. Pretty easily. I loved every second of it.

Now let’s talk about the Super Crip trope here.

IS TOPH A SUPERCRIP?

The Supercrip trope is a bit hard to pin down. I found a few definitions floating around. This link has two: Trope: SuperCrip | #CriticalAxis: a community driven project from The Disabled List

The Supercrip is seen as having “overcome” their disability in order to do normal things or even extraordinary things— with a focus on their disability rather than their accomplishments.

The first part is avoided. The narrative doesn’t focus on how extra special it is that Toph is doing things like: walking, talking, eating soup, sitting with her family, yelling at Aang and his friends, etc. Toph is not seen as extra special for doing normal things that her disability does not make more difficult. Not only would this be patronizing and ignorant, this would reflect that attitudes many real life strangers have: disabled people are so strange and mystical to some people that they feel the need to ask blind people on the street how they walk or talk.

Personally, I find this portrayal of disabled people to be the most harmful. It caters to able-bodied onlookers alone and offers nothing for disabled people. To clarify: the problem is not portraying disabled people/characters doing normal things! The problem is expecting your audience to feel inspired because a disabled person did a thing that is completely ordinary for them.

This does not apply to Toph.

Another definition is that a disabled person is portrayed as “overcoming” their disability in order to do something cool/big, usually something able-bodied people don’t do everyday. This disabled person is only noteworthy because they did something extraordinary such as win several gold medals. This presents two problems: 1) it is hard for disabled people to meet these expectations, especially when this is shown as the only positive way to live with a disability. And 2) able-bodied people see this and believe all disabled people must be winning gold medals or doing super extraordinary things because their disability somehow gives them privilege, pity-points, or superhuman powers that make up for their disability. An example of these powers would be the myth that blind people have superhuman hearing rather than simply using their hearing more than sighted people and thus being more attuned to sound. An example of pity-points would be the time my family was watching Dancing With the Stars featuring a blind contestant. After the dance, someone remarked that the contestant would probably get sympathy points and go on to the next round. Her talent was not a factor the same way it was for the able-bodied contestants; pity-points could not be separated from her success. It was impossible that she would be supported and judged the same way as the others, with her blindness being only an extra factor that might make copying a dance to learn it more challenging for her. Keep in mind, these ideas are so ingrained in people that my own family believed it in even when they know me and several of my blind friends.

Let’s consider Tooh:

Pity-Points? - Not even a factor. This was not brought up by Aang, nor Katara, nor Sokka. It was certainly not thought of by the owner of the battle ring nor Toph’s opponents. In fact, she was only doubted when she lost. Her talent was never viewed as the result of someone else’s pity or reduced to inspiration for an able-bodied wrestling audience. The announcer says her name and nothing else. Her parents don’t bring up the idea that Toph only wins because she was pitied either. They witnessed her bending and only believed they needed to protect her more, not that she was not talented.

Privilege? - It is no question that Tooh’s family is rich. It is hard to say how much that affects her here. She has a tutor who undermines her growth and is pretty much useless. She has protection she doesn’t want and riches she doesn’t seem to use. She does have more free time to battle as a result of her riches, not having to work at a young age (although her parents probably would not have let her even if they needed the money). Toph’s family status could have been seen as playing a role in her winning— if her parents allowed the world to know about her. - It is no secret that Toph is rich, however, when privilege is brought up by able-bodied people, they don’t usually mean riches (although the stereotypical rich disabled person is something I could discuss at a later time). They usually mean some combination of government benefits that may or may not exist and pity points. Disability makes things HARDER, not easier. A person can have multiple privileges they did not earn, or lack of privileges they did not ask for. Toph does not gain special privileges due to her disability, nor does she ask for or expect them. My opinion is that no one asks for this, anyway.

Super-human? - This one is a little trickier. It is the one people are obviously hung up on when they consider Toph. It is difficult to consider this without considering Toph’s entire arc. However, I have chosen to focus on her bending and “sight” and how it is used in this episode. I may talk about this more if I do other reviews. - First, bending. Toph is not the only bender in the series. She is also not the only good bender, as Katara is also someone who grows into her bending and becomes particularly powerful. Aang is already a master of airbending in addition to being the Avatar. He is special and particularly powerful, mastering water quickly. Azula is also said to be a prodigy and has mastered lightning at 14. The point is, Toph is a powerful bender. She is not the only powerful bender in the world. The Avatar needs someone to teach him and that person would, reasonably, have mastered their bending in order to teach the Avatar. - Now for Toph’s bending in relation to her blindness. It is true that Toph is powerful AND blind— is she powerful in spite of being blind? Is she powerful because her blindness gives her superpowers? This is tricky. To me, the narrative doesn’t go out of its way to say “she overcame her blindness and was able to win”. It also doesn’t show blindness as a superpower, such as causing superior hearing. - How is it portrayed then? First, Toph never has to “overcome” her blindness, which is important. The obstacle is the limitations placed on her. The obstacle is society, not her disability. Toph does not need to accept her blindness before doing anything, because she has been blind since birth. She does not have to overcome her blindness before fighting or becoming a champion because when we are introduced to her, she already was. She is not expected to overcome her disability in order to teach Aang; he tries to recruit her without seeing her disability as an issue. She does not need overcome her disability because it is not what stops her, as is the case for most people. There are some things being blind makes difficult, different, or impossible to do, but this isn’t one of them. Blind people can learn to fight. They can win. And when people reduce such accomplishments as “overcoming disability”, it can feel like a misdirection, like a dismissal of hard work and talent.

This does not happen with Toph.

Second, does Toph’s blindness give her superpowers? Maybe. I feel like it might be necessary to cover Toph in other episodes. However, this review is focusing mostly on The Blind Bandit and so I will focus on Toph’s unique “sight”. Toph’s bending is unique from others because she can feel the vibrations in the ground, allowing her to sense objects and people. This ability allows her to fight and beat others. In my opinion, this is more of an adaptation perfected through sheer amount of practice. Katara and Zuko don’t always bend. Toph is using her bending constantly. Of course she would be good at it. Her bending is a tool for her use. Fighting? That’s just a bonus, a hobby.

Toph also has weaknesses and is in fact beaten by Aang, who wasn’t even trying. Losing to someone who had no intention of winning is a pretty big deal.

Personally, I don’t think Toph is a supercrip in this episode. She is a Blind Seer, a trope popular in literature. The Blind Seer can’t see physically, but they can see in other ways you can’t. I don’t have an issue with this trope and think it can be used in cool ways, especially if the blind character isn’t the only one with a superpower.

I do, however, want people to question why a blind character always needs to have a power that relates to or makes up for their lack of sight in some way. Unless you are making a deliberate allusion to something or a blind is not the only one with sight-related powers, I ask writers to question why they jump to sight-related powers in the first place. Or powers related to hearing, something to “make up for” their lack of sight.

Can this be done well? Absolutely. Toph, while she can fall into both The Blind Seer and the Supercrip tropes for some people, she is beloved and interesting for many fans, blind or sighted.

I ask people to trace their logic about why they choose to give their blind character powers related to sight. What kind of power is it? Does it make up for (aka erase) their blindness and make them less relatable to blind readers/watchers? Are they the only blind character and/or the only person with such a power? Can they have another power? What works and does not work for good characters like Toph? Why?

Getting rid of these particular tropes are not the answer. I simply invite people to consider other options, try new things, think critically about why and what woks or doesn’t work in other characters.

I absolutely invite blind writers to use whatever tropes they want, as they can probably write it in a more nuanced way.

My personal opinion about the Supercrip trope is that it is somehow focused on success or talent as the enemy without recognizing what it means. Wanting to succeed is not wrong. Being competitive is refreshing!

It isn’t really about doing super things or not— it is about disabled people being made to feel like they will not be successful, accepted, or taken seriously if they do not win everything or succeed at impossible feats. Able-bodied people are permitted to exist without needing to prove anything. Disabled people are not afforded that respect.

Either disabled people fight against the ingrained expectation that they simply cannot do anything, that will FAIL, because of their disability, or they fight against the realization that, for many people, even impossible feats will never be enough. Their accomplishments will never be seen as just that— accomplishments.

Blind characters should be talented or hard-working, prodigies or people who claw their way to the top. Their disability may be an obstacle and it may, in fact, barely even be necessary to mention aside from adaptive tools. The Supercrip is so alluring because people are under the impression blind people— and disabled people as a whole— cannot do anything. To the point that some condescendingly assume certain things are impossible because they did not think of adaptive techniques or technology. This is why research is important.

Remember why this trope/stereotype exists: for the inspiration of able-bodied people who are uninterested in making changes in society’s attitudes and the amount of accessibility it provides. Problematic tropes like this usually have a specific issue behind them and you cannot tackle or discuss r subvert the trope until you understand the harmful reason it exists.

Not everyone agrees with me. Here are some reading materials:

On the pervasive Supercrip trope in martial arts:

http://feministing.com/2010/02/19/media-portrayal-of-disability-and-martial-arts-a-personal-statement/

On the pressure this trope puts on blind people:

Challenging the ‘Supercrip’ Stereotype of People With Disabilities | The Mighty

[In the comments, I would prefer people not speculate about Toph being a Supercrip or not if they aren’t blind themselves. It would be more helpful to focus on other aspects of this review or share posts by other blind people instead.]

Keep in mind, this is only a review of one episode. And I personally will take a powerful disabled character over a powerless, sad one anytime.

This concludes our commercial break. Back to the show.

BEING BLIND IN EARTH KINGDOM SOCIETY

Earth Kingdom Boy 1: “Well, a flying boar is the symbol of the Beifong family. They’re the richest people in town. Probably whole world.” Earth Kingdom Boy 2: “Yeah, but they don’t have a daughter.”

Now this is interesting. It implies that Toph is: a) hiding herself well so as to keep up her double life and/or b) being hidden by her family. I suspect it is a little of both. A) is pretty obvious, especially with the wall surrounding their estate, while b) could be due to overprotectiveness or shame on the part of her parents. Shame may seem harsh. However, this is not exactly a modern time period and respect for disabled people can vary depending on culture, time, place, and individual attitudes.

When portraying poor social attitudes toward disabled characters, writers must work hard to show the attitudes as wrong and work to reduce them. I do feel that, like with gender discrimination, people tend to preemptively assume accepting disability is modern and Western concept- and that any ableism is fair game because it is realistic. That is far from the truth, especially if they get it wrong.

Too much and it could be mistaken for an excuse to be ableist. Too little and it may seem like erasure of societal barriers faced by blind people.

Let’s see how the ATLA writers handle this.

TOPH’S “SIGHT” AND MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Anyway, the Gaang finds Toph again. Toph: “What are doing here, Twinkle Toes?” Aang: “How did you know it was me?”

Two things stick out here. I love that The Gaang interacts with her normally and this episode is not about the able-bodied characters learning how to treat a disabled person like a person, nor is it about them confronting their biases. Instead, they have a favor to ask, one that Toph cannot grant. The episode shifts focus onto Toph and her emotions and needs.

I also liked that Aang asks how she knew it was him. This is a common question and it seems to be asked in curiosity rather than implied judgment or suspicion on Aang’s part, as is often the case nowadays. Later in the episode, Toph explains how she knew, but she could also have recognized his footsteps (light as they are) with or without her bending. Blind people are also usually more reliant on hearing or smell and so may pick up on scents or sounds others do not. That is not to say their hearing or smell are superior (see the Supercrip discussion), but that they are used more often. This is how I conceptualize Toph’s bending— it is something she uses all day, every day. Like her hearing and smell and touch, she is more reliant on these senses and so uses them in ways others don’t.

I do wish we had a few more examples of this in the episode/show rather than Toph using her bending for every situation. As I said, I do not mind that she can “see” with bending as it is not true sight, but showing how she uses other senses would have been nice details.

TOPH’S PARENTS HAVE ENTERED THE RING

Toph: “I thought I heard something! I got scared.” Guard: “You know your father doesn’t want you wandering the grounds without supervision, Toph.”

With this, we can understand her father is overprotective, so much so that Toph is able to believably pull off this act of helplessness in front of the guards. Her father does not believe even walking around her own home is safe for her.

With that in mind, it is NOT a plot hole that she can walk around her home in front of her parents. Even overprotected blind kids don’t use canes or need a guide within their own homes as they often memorize the layout. Canes are not usually used inside ones own home or very familiar areas. Outside areas might be an exception as they are likely to change due to nature or redesign, but generally familiar, casual areas do not warrant canes or guides. It is completely believable that Toph can walk around in her own home without causing suspicion.

Toph’s father, indicating soup placed in front of her: “Blow on it. It’s too hot for her.”

Not only is her father overprotective, he is infantilizing. He thinks she can’t blow on her own soup and must be confined to basic stances of bending, something Toph is clearly unhappy with. Toph’s parents are the kind of people who wouldn’t let her watch TV lol!

Toph’s father: “And sadly, because of her blindness, I don’t think she will ever become a true master.”

There it is. There are many people in the world who have this mindset, believing disabled people succeeding is unrealistic, or only achieved by pity-driven intervention from others for inspirational purposes or a lie told by overly soft parenting. Toph’s father may seem radical, but his views are very common even for those close to a blind person. Even for those who might like the inspirational stories about blind people doing things.

HOW TOPH SEES THE WORLD

Toph: “It’s kind of like seeing with my feet.”

This is where I disagree with some interpretations of Toph. She can sense where things are and what they are. She has a wider range than someone with a cane would. However, I don’t know if this is quite erasing her blindness. Could they have done better? Yes. However, to claim the show made her sighted with magic is not quite fitting to me. Toph is not seeing with a magical potion, nor did Katara heal her blindness. She is using a power a lot of people in the ATLA universe have in bending, one she has used her entire life and perfected through sheer number of practice hours. I think it helps that she did not get this power, narratively, because she was blind. Rather she is a blind person who adapted a skill to her use.

A cane or an animal guide might have helped make the narrative more relatable for blind people, however. They could have also played up being unable to see people’s facial expressions. In other episodes, they show areas where she is unable to bend, such as on ice, sand, or floating objects like the warship or Appa.

In these instances, they could have shown sighted guide.

However, I think what they did worked. Would I suggest anyone else try it? Maybe not. It depends on their motivation for doing it. Toph’s powers basically act as a cane or Sunnu band would. They aren’t a magic spell letting her see all the time.

They could have done a little better— I still think it worked. It does not seem to have unfortunate implications of sight being better than blindness or blindness needing special cures.

For writing purposes, it is important to understand why this worked, how it was portrayed, factor in that bending is not unique to Toph, understand the nature of her ‘sight’, and understand what they could have done better. Just because it works here doesn’t mean it will work everywhere. It is important for writers to understand that and question their motivation for giving their character a different kind of vision.

THE DISABILITY EPISODE - AVOIDED

Toph’s father: “My daughter is blind. She is blind and tiny and helpless and fragile. She cannot help you.” Toph: “Yes. I can.”

Some may feel uncomfortable that Toph’s first episode is about her parents doubting her, dealing with ableism and being forced into stereotypes by her own family. It is important to remember that this is a show for children and any blind children watching it will have dealt with similar issues from adults in their lives. The show doesn’t seem to say this is the only narrative a blind character can have, but rather that it is a relatable occurrence for blind children who are watching it.

Toph also has many episodes left — this is only the beginning. This is hardly her only arc, and even her personality and abilities challenge so many stereotypes.

In most shows, the blind character gets one episode. Toph, however, is a main character.

Toph is also a well-rounded and interesting character with agency. She hardly seems like an inspirational puppet for adults.if this show had been written for adults or if Toph had been focusing on wanting to become a champion “despite her blindness”, I might have felt upset. It goes to show how important nuance is when writing disabled characters and how powerful it can be to make an effort to challenge stereotypes.

This is not how we first see Toph— helpless, unproductive. Instead, we FIRST see her out in the world kicking butt with her bending skill and I think that it is important.

NOT SO HELPLESS AFTER ALL

Toph’s father uses these words to describe her: Tiny, helpless, fragile. Unable to help others. Unexpected to become a true master or even advance beyond breathing techniques.

Toph challenges all of these at some point. She helps Aang defeat the bad guys. She faces many people in battle and wins, remaining an undefeated champion until Aang accidentally beats her. She advances far beyond basic bending techniques. Toph is good at very active things, with bending as a martial art and as a sport here. It is refreshing to see blind characters being so active and a stark contrast to the passive image her father has of his blind daughter. She does things for herself, including developing her bending style without the help of a master who limits her- and she hides her double life well. Toph’s ability and personality also challenge notions of fragility: she is boisterous and fearless, stubborn and even a bit rude. She mostly says what she wants to and fiercely hides what she doesn’t want to, even when pressured. She yielded only to her parents, which is tied up in love, respect, fear that they will no longer love her, possible aversion to change in some aspects of her life, and cultural expectations. For disabled children, it is often hard to go against your parents because the world teaches you that the world will never accept you or allow you to live in it. Your family is all you have.

Toph IS tiny, although that is due to genetics, environmental factors, and her age. However, her stature is used to prove the other qualities assigned to her when in reality her height has nothing to do with anything her family believes about her.

When the fighting starts, Toph creates a cloud of dust which effectively blinds her opponents. I thought it was a nice, ironic touch. The point is not just that her opponents now cannot see; Toph is already used to fighting under these conditions. She didn’t level the playing field. She is already better than them, already used to working without sight, and so the advantage is hers.

ABLEISM IN ACTION

Later, Toph confronts her parents:

Toph’s father: “You will be cared for and guarded 24/7.” Toph’s mother: “We are doing this for your own good, Toph.”

Unfortunately, this kind of infantilization is not uncommon. They saw her as she truly was and were still unable to let go of their ideas of their blind daughter. At this point, Toph is more trapped than ever despite opening up. The first time, it was surprising to see them not change their minds, given the happy endings we are used to in children’s shows. However, what happens is more relatable to blind kids with overprotective or controlling parents.

Of course, Toph makes the choice to leave them, showing more agency than most blind characters get, with or without controlling parents.

OVERALL

Overall: I loved this episode. It was a nice introduction to a character that both challenged expectations and dealt with obstacles relatable to blind fans. Toph’s struggles with her parents and the weight of stereotypes could have been cheap inspiration porn, but the way it was handled and the target audience of children rather than adults changes things immensely. This episode goes out of its way to challenge many stereotypes viewers may hold about blind people in ways that are fun and exciting. Toph’s personality is refreshing even over a decade later. While her bending as ‘sight’ may be disliked by some, it feels more like something with missed opportunities (the use of a cane or sighted guide), although I thought this episode did it well. Toph is not given special powers so that she can see—she adapts an ability for her own use.

Toph is a martial artist, encouraging children to try something similar if they are interested. She challenges her own parents, which may be very relatable to blind fans.

Unlike most children’s shows of the time (and even now), Toph does not feel like a vessel for able-bodied viewers to learn about blindness.

ACCESSIBILITY:

However, it is important to remember that at the time ATLA aired, there was no Netflix with audio descriptions. Descriptions were infrequent at the time and are still spotty on cable TV. The ATLA DVD did not have audio descriptions either, which is the case with all DVDs I have come across. Netflix also took an embarrassingly long time to add audio descriptions to a show with a blind character.

Consider that Toph was nearly inaccessible to blind children at the time — until 2020, well after other sighted children could enjoy it fully. Blind children could not watch a show about them with the same ease that a sighted child could. Think about that.

Is the show to blame for this? I don’t know. Usually the broadcasting service handles descriptions. I have yet to come across a DVD with descriptions. However, I wonder why it took this long. Did the staff consider a blind audience at all? Could they have pushed for descriptions to be added to the DVD?

And what about fans? Did fans consider that the character who challenged stereotypes for them might not be as accessible to blind people themselves? While they scrabbled about whether the characters were ableist, did they bother to consider Netflix’s lack of audio descriptions? Do they remember to add image descriptions to GIFs, pictures, or video clips in the years ATLA was popular online? Did any of this occur to anyone BUT the blind community?

Doesn’t seem like it.

TOPH AND THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF/LESS OF IN BLIND CHARACTERS

I made a post about things I would like to see more/less of in blind characters. You can read it here:

https://blindbeta.tumblr.com/post/637419979125489664/things-i-want-to-see-more-ofless-of-in-blind

Here’s how Toph compares to that!

More of: -Blind main character ✔️ -Blind character of color ✔️ -Active (sports/martial arts) and competitive ✔️ -Acknowledgment of difficulties faced in society ✔️

How They Avoided Things I Wanted Less Of: -Being portrayed as sad or broken because of blindness - Avoided - Toph owns her blindness by giving herself the same The Blind Bandit. The only time she is sad is when facing ableism from her parents.

-Being innocent, helpless, and unrealistically kind or selfless - Toph proves she is not helpless, even directly challenging it in the narrative. - Toph is also not unrealistically kind or selfless, not only insulting other characters- but refusing to help Aang when he needs it because it would change things between her and her parents. She also challenges her parents in the end, putting her desires before their feelings toward their perceptions of her. When she follows Aang, she doesn’t do so only to help him. She has her own want to travel and gain independence. - As for innocence, Toph IS 12, although she is far from naive. She is able to fool her own parents into thinking she is who they want her to be.

-Being portrayed as ungrateful or rude in general - Toph’s rudeness comes from a non-ableist place—herself. She is not rude due to anger about being blind nor rude due to entitlement. She doesn’t accept she doesn’t need and is not demonized for this, even when going against her own parents. Toph’s rudeness is in her personality, making it subversive in avoiding the idea blind people must accept all help and be grateful for it. The narrative does NOT expect Toph to go along with the ‘help’ of her parents or even Aang. She refuses this help until she is ready and willing to receive it.

-Going blind due to accidents or trauma - Toph was born blind

I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO SEE: -more adaptive technology/skills in addition to her bending -how she utilizes her other senses -another blind, minor character somewhere in the show (doesn’t apply to this episode, but still)

Toph is, in the end, a token blind character. It works better because she is a MAIN character, which is still not a common occurrence in modern media at all. Toph works because she does not have any stereotypical traits about her personality, which means the sighted audience does not have to rely on another character to broaden their perspective. However, it is still important to include more than one blind character in your stories. For ATLA, 1 or 2 minor blind characters may have helped, or maybe an additional secondary or even main character with low vision.

Toph has a well-rounded personality, which also means the “token” is not completely applicable to her. Toph is a great character. It would have been nice if she were not the only blind character. In fact, I cannot think of any show that has more than one blind character, as if it is a character quirk that cannot be done more than once.

RANDOM IMAGINES TIME

Now I’m imagining a Zuko whose eyesight was affected by the burn or a Zuko whose father decided he didn’t need that side of face anyway if he could not see out of it. Or an Azula who is blind and still better than Zuko -sticks out tongue-! Or perhaps Sokka or Ty Lee contrasting Toph’s personality and bringing to the table a struggle with a lack of depth perception while hunting or performing in the circus, respectively.

The point is, you don’t have to overload your story with blind characters unless you are setting it at a school or event for the blind. Instead, consider who is blind in your story and who else possibly could be. Consider why you only have one blind character and why.

That about wraps up all my thoughts on Toph. In short, I love her. There are things they could have done better or additions they could have made to improve the episode and Toph’s character as a whole, but she is still one of the most beloved and recognizable blind characters ever. I think that says something about the impression she left on people.

If only she would have been accessible to more blind children from the start.

I hope this review was helpful! If you need help writing blind characters I provide sensitivity reading in exchange for donations. My inbox is also open for questions.

#avatar the last airbender #toph #toph beifong #writing blind characters #blind #blindbeta

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sarahface21 · 2 years ago

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100 Baby Challenge

A few weeks ago I came across a Tik Tok live of this girl playing Sims 4 and she was playing the 100 baby challenge. Watching her, and hearing some of the rules explained a little more, I decided to give it a try. I’ve been talking about doing this for years and I just never started it but seeing it was the push I needed I guess.

Goal/Point - Have 100 babies in as few generations as possible Rules-

1. All babies must have a different father 2. The matriarch cannot work outside of the home. (I have mine a painter) 3. The matriarch is the only one allowed to care for the babies 4. Cannot hire a nanny, babysitter or chef 5. Cannot use the cheat tool for money (as a painter I’ve gotten the household up to almost fifteen thousand simoleons) 6. Babies can be aged up to toddler when it’s their birthday 7. Toddlers can be aged up to child when they’ve reached level 3 in every skill 8. Children can be aged up to teen once they’re an A student 9. Teens can work outside of the home to bring in extra income. They can also help out with helping toddlers increase their skills. 10. Teens can be aged up to adult once they’re an A student. 11. Once an adult move them out to continue having babies (since you can only have 8 characters in a house) 12. Once the matriarch is no longer able to have children the eldest daughter in the house becomes the next matriarch. 13. The previous matriarch is to stay in the house until she passes. 14. The matriarch cannot get married or have a father move into the house while she is the matriarch. Once she’s an elder she can get married if she wants. 15. Pets are allowed but will take up a space in the house 16. All traits are to be selected randomly when the kid ages up

I’ve been the one playing but I’ve been taking input on names from people around me. Ryker picked the first name for the first matriarch and then I used the random tool for the last name. I meant to make this post way before now and then keep posting updates but I got really into it and I’m already several children in. Maybe I’ll do an update post once a week or something after this or I’ll make a birth announcement each time. Here’s a list of who’s in the game so far and where there names came from.

The children are being named in alphabetical order. Twins have the same letter name. Also note that technically it doesn’t count towards the count until a baby ages up to young adult.

Current totals-

Babies Born: 11 Adults Moved Out: 5

Matriarch 1 - Veda Hale

I’ve always loved the name Veda from the movie My Girl so when Ryker suggested it, saying it was the name of his classmate, I had to jump on it.

Hale came up in the random tool and I picked it because one of my favorite actresses is Lucy Hale. My late husband, James, his last name was Haley and when we got our kitten I named her Lucy Hale Haley. Felt like the right fit.

Baby 1 - Aubrey Hale

I think I used the random tool with this looking for an A name and when this came up Ryker, Caidance and I agreed we liked it. She was valedictorian when she graduated high school. She is an adult and moved out of the house.

Baby 2 - Autumn Hale

Caidance and I were pleasantly surprised to see that the first pregnancy was twins. Originally I was going to do every baby a different letter but we were so shocked at the twins that when Caidance said Autumn I was just thinking how cute that went with her twin Aubrey. So this is what started my rule of twins have the same letter. She graduated with honors. She is an adult and moved out of the house.

Baby 3 - Brynn Hale

Her name was almost Bria but at the last minute I said Brynn and Caidance liked that better. I’ve loved this name since the Real World: Las Vegas season back in 2002 I believe it was. She graduated with honors. She’s an adult and moved out of the house. As soon as she moved she had a cardiac episode from being very enraged and she died. The grim reaper showed up and since I’m moving all the kids in together when I can Aubrey went and pleaded with the Grim Reaper and to my surprise he let Brynn live. So she is still alive.

Baby 4 - Caleb Hale

We finally had a boy! This is one of my all time favorite boy names. I had read it in a book when I was a child. I can’t remember which book but it was a horror story and I’m pretty sure it was based in Providence. I’ll look into it and see if I can find it. It was also in one of my favorite Lifetime movies Fifteen and Pregnant from 1998. I saw that movie again recently. Cringeworthy, but still good classic Lifetime. He was valedictorian which I was really shocked about. He’s an adult and moved out of the house.

Baby 5 - Clara Hale

Another set of twins! I needed a name that went with Caleb. Clara was the last companion of the Doctor on Doctor who where I left off originally. I’ve been rewatching the show lately. At the end of Doctor 10, watching the movies before season 5 started with Doctor 11. Still have a ways to go before Clara comes on but I love the name. She graduated with honors. I thought she would be the valedictorian but since Caleb aged up first maybe he got it first? Or maybe because she’s a kleptomaniac and kept stealing stuff at school she wasn’t worthy. She is an adult and moved out of the house.

Baby 6 - Delia Hale

This name is very special to me. When my first niece Cordelia was born I had said I wanted to call her Delia, I was gonna be the only person to do so, however, the name never fit her. She’s Cordy. As I mentioned above I love Lucy Hale, I play her in a rolelpay group and she has a baby named Cordelia Drew (Cordelia after my niece and Drew after Lucy’s friend who died in real life) and we call her Delia. She is currently a teen.

Baby 7 - Evelyn Hale

I went back and forth on different E names and her name was almost Eloise after the middle name of my niece Gianna but then Caidance said Evelyn and I decided to choose that since it was her great grandmothers name. I actually knew Evelyn before Renae. She is a currently a child.

Baby 8 - Finnley Hale

I was really hoping for a girl but it ended up being a boy. After searching a baby name site this was the only decent name I could live with right now. He is currently a toddler but is almost ready to age up to child.

Baby 9 - Georgia Hale

G names are hard and ugly. I went with the first name that popped into my head. She just became a toddler so she has a little while to go before she can age up.

Baby 10 - Houston Hale

I was also really hoping for a girl here. I had girl names picked out. Almost chose Hudson but I thought Houston would be cuter. He was just born so is a baby.

Baby 11- Hugo Hale

TWIN BOYS WHAT!? Caleb was the only boy for so long and then Finnley came and then Houston and when this came up as a twin boy I was excited to be expanding the men in this family but another boy H name that goes with Houston? Now I could have used Hudson, that probably would have made more sense but I’ve been watching True Blood again and in season 2 there’s a human named Hugo so that was on my mind. He was just born and is still a baby.

Open to names for future babies. Send in suggestions if you have them.

#sims 4 #100 baby challenge #sims 4 100 baby challenge #sims #pc games #pc gamer

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fallen-in-dreams · 3 years ago

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Moving On

Also on AO3. Pairing: Sasuke/Hinata. Summary: Everyone was lying to her. Killing her with kindness. Shielding her from the pain they all know is coming. But now it was time for some hard-hitting truths. And from the most unlikely source. SasuHina.Post-war. Prompt: Day 25: The Season of Grief. Rated: T. Words: 7,566. Status: Complete.

Author note: Angst and Hinata POV as she slowly comes to the realisation that she can’t have the life she’d been planning for. The Season of Grief = The Five Stages of Grief. The grief of losing the love she used to have.

Warnings/tags: One-sided SasuSaku. One-sided NaruHina. Naruto/OC. Angst with denial, pining, and romantic existential crisis. But with a happy ending.

Thank-you so much @sasuhinamonth for hosting this. I'm later than I’d planned, sorry. Hope that’s okay. :)

“There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you.” – Unknown

Denial.

Life was a series of choices.

For example, Hinata Hyuuga could choose to accept the arranged marriage her father had planned for her, or she could refuse to sign on the dotted line and hold out for love. She chose the latter. She was sure that fourth cousin her father had in mind for her was a nice man, but she wasn’t interested. And after surviving the war and learning to defend herself better emotionally, the last thing she wanted was to regress into the dutiful daughter who never complained. She was finally in control of her own life.

And she was still waiting on Naruto-kun.

Hinata was tired of the sad looks her clansmen would give her when she rebuffed their advances. Centuries of marrying their third or fourth cousins had instilled it too deeply in them that they couldn’t live any other way. Naruto had taught her she could do better, and she was determined to do so.

All of her choices to move forward were the reason Hanabi had been named Clan Heiress. She was already being prepped for it before the war, but their father’s insistence on an arranged marriage was the final straw. Hinata had been officially removed from the running. She would’ve been concerned about being branded with the Branch’s Curse Seal if Naruto hadn’t been so vocal in his disagreement about the practice. The Leaf hero’s words resonated with the village, and Lord Hokage started negotiations to prevent further sealings. Kakashi had also made motions to have those who currently bore the juinjutsu to be released from it. It would take a few more years to fully circumvent it, as the seal hadn’t been designed to be removed, but it was a step forward for the clan. A hope for a better future.

Everything Neji had wanted.

Hinata couldn’t be happier. She only wished to share in that future with Naruto. He was her hero. And the love of her life. She just needed to be more patient with him. But it was frustrating some days. She tried to talk to him and only succeeded when they were alone. Around friends and in crowds, he was so distracted by everyone. One-on-one he became fidgety, but she just chalked that up to him not being very good with girls. He’d stopped asking Sakura out, and the two were nothing more than friends, and he hadn’t asked anyone out. He was just shy.

Hinata already had a plan in place to ask him out herself. She just needed to work up for her own confidence to do so. Someone had to get this relationship going. In the meantime, she daydreamed about how it was going to go. But her days were lonely right now. Waiting. Patiently. And never quite making that important step forward. She had her family and friends and teammates but wanted more.

Her heart could only take so much.

“I just need to be brave.”

Hinata wasn’t brave, emotionally. In dire moments and with important things and people on the line, she knew how to be brave. Adrenaline and determination got her a long way. But in the aftermath, she found herself succumbing to the fear of rejection and crippling shyness.

“Yes, you do.”

She started, realising she’d said that out loud, in front of her sister. She’d been so lost in her thoughts and forgotten where she was for a moment. Hanabi was sitting across from her, the low serving table between them, ignoring the servants as they poured the tea for her before turning to her older sister. Hinata’s sister was clutching a half-finished kimono to her lap and lazily sewing at the hem of it. For such a skilled fighter, her movements were surprisingly delicate.

This was a weekly thing for them. Every Sunday at lunch, when their father was too busy with clan duties to interrupt or overhear them, they would talk to each other about anything or anyone, and when the Hyuuga servants left, even gossip sometimes. Hanabi had been carrying that kimono around all week, taking her time with building on it. Hinata knew her sister well enough to know it was a project with no defined outcome. She was just adding to it at her own leisure. Who knew what it would look like when she was finally done?

Hinata delicately sipped at her tea as Hanabi continued to ignore her own; her eyes narrowing as she focused intensely on the needle and thread. Her sister had developed a habit of people watching, since the war ended. And her insight was far sharper than anyone that Hinata knew. It made her feel insignificant.

“Spoken to Naruto lately?”

Hinata nodded. It was a silent lie. But she could’ve easily ran into him a few days ago if she wanted to so she didn’t see the point in saying otherwise. He was very busy with missions and handling Sasuke. The Uchiha’s release from jail had come as no surprise, given who was Hokage now. Kakashi had always had unwavering faith that he’d return. Just as Naruto did. Sakura… Hinata had seen her waver. But she was more confident now than ever about their team returning as family. Hinata only hoped that when she started dating Naruto herself, that it didn’t upset their dynamic.

“You’re grieving.”

Hinata raised an eyebrow at that. “What am I grieving?”

Her sister smiled. “Love.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Naruto-kun isn’t the smartest person,” Hanabi said. “And I think you know that.”

“He doesn’t have to be.”

Her sister smiled. Again. A knowing smile that Hinata didn’t appreciate. But she said nothing of it and returned to watching Hanabi’s expert hands as she weaved the thread in and out of the kimono. This was a hobby for the younger sister. They’d both learned how to sew traditional garments as well as fix them, when they were still barely able to fight. It was second nature to them both. But Hanabi found a kind of peace to the process that Hinata never could.

“Father wishes you to marry soon.”

“And you?”

Hanabi shook her head. “A few more years, perhaps. When I’m ready to begin training to take over the clan.”

She was still too young to learn everything. Given that Hiashi was nowhere near retiring, it didn’t serve any purpose to put her through those rigorous trials just yet. But Hinata was surprised their father wasn’t thinking about grandchildren yet. At least not from his heiress.

Hanabi put the kimono down and finally sipped at her tea. “How do you feel about Naruto-kun?”

“I love him?”

It was immediate and instinctive, but it sounded more like a question than a statement. Hanabi didn’t react to the questioning tone of her voice. She just gave her older sister a look that told her she was questioning her for more than just curiosity.

“Are you sure, Oneesan?”

She had convinced herself so thoroughly that it was going to happen. Hinata brushed at the hem of the sleeve of her Yukata. Was she? Did she?

Yes.

She still loved Naruto-kun. Of course, she did. She’d gone through too much to just suddenly stop caring about him. He was in her heart. Just like Neji still was.

Was.

“I asked him out.”

“What did he say?”

“He said ‘let’s go to Ichiraku’.” He also said, “that bum Sasuke can pay for mine this time,” but she didn’t see how that was relevant. It was a date. And only two people could go on a date at the same time.

Right?

“Will the rest of Team Kakashi be there?”

Hinata opened her mouth to answer then shut it, her eye twitching in annoyance. She calmed herself and shook her head. “Of course not.”

She didn’t like the way this conversation was going. Hinata glanced at the clock on the wall. They normally took tea, and then lunch, all awhile talking of friends and goals. It was funny to her that they’d never done this until recently. What exactly was the point before now?

Hanabi placed her tea down, almost finished. “We should have the food brought in, before it gets cold.”

Hinata nodded mechanically and waited for the servants to finish setting the table before disappearing. They could not be overheard in this room by anyone who wasn’t already in it. The jutsu that allowed this privacy had been in place since long before either of them were born.

Hanabi started talking about a jutsu that their father wanted to teach them and Hinata calmly dug into her Udon noodles. Silence eventually fell until they were both done. After the servants retrieved the plates, Hanabi went right back to pressing and hemming the edges of the kimono in her hand.

“Sasuke-kun walked by the compound again this morning.”

“Hm?” Hinata sat up straighter at that.

“He’s been doing that a lot lately,” Hanabi mused. “But not last week when you were staying over Sakura’s.”

For Ino’s surprise party sleepover. Which was Sakura’s idea.

Hinata hadn’t slept in her own bed for two nights. It was a first for her, for a long time.

“Sasuke-kun looks in here too. Like he’s searching for something. It’s a barely noticeable glance, but I’ve been staking out the gates.”

“Do you like him?” Hinata was surprised at her sister as well as the strange clenching of her gut.

Hanabi scoffed. “No. But ever since I first saw him watching you training with your team after he got out of prison, I’ve been noticing he does that with you a lot.”

Hinata scoffed. “Don’t be silly.”

“Yeah, you’re right. He’s probably just plotting to kill you.” Hanabi ignored her sister’s worried expression. “Or wondering why you always look so sad these days.”

“I’m not sad.”

“Yes, you are.”

“I’m not.”

Hanabi set the unfinished kimono down and stared her sister straight in the eyes. “Do you love him?”

“Who?” Hinata hated how her voice rose a few octaves.

“Naruto-kun.”

“Yes,” she said. “I love him.”

She would wait for Naruto. For him to come to terms with what had happened and realise they were meant to be together. Hinata would be the quiet voice he can’t block out because he loves her so much. No matter that he had already had numerous occasions to prove it to her. Even someone as clueless as him couldn’t not know how she felt. She just needed to give him a push in the right direction.

That’s what I have to do.

And she went right on back to pretending she didn’t see the pitying look on her sister’s face.

.:.

Anger.

The restaurant was noisy by the time Hinata arrived, dressed up and twisting her fingers nervously. She looked up into the colourful lights that decorated the restaurant of choice. Night-time made this place come alive in a way that surprised patrons that saw it for the first time. This was also one of the newer restaurants that opened after the war. So many things had changed, and so fast and it felt like Konoha was quickly becoming a very different village. Kakashi had authorised integral changes and Hinata could see the village one day becoming as large as a city. She was kind of nervous about that. Their population was steadily growing too, even only a year out.

She sighed and stepped forward in the waiting line. Naruto had said he’d come about seven and it was only a few minutes before. Hinata had spent the last hour already dressed for this date. Her stomach had twisted, making her throw up twice, before that. The line moved again, and she found herself at the head of it faster than her nerves could handle.

It’s finally happening.

“May I help you?”

Hinata cleared her throat. “Party for two. Under the name Hinata Hyuuga.”

The server looked through her list and her eyes widened in surprise. “I’m sorry, we were told that was a party of four.”

“A-are you sure?”

The woman turned the clipboard to show her. When Hinata had asked Naruto to make the arrangement, because she’d been called away by her father, she’d assumed he had made it just for the two of them. It was supposed to be a date… right? When the venue was changed from Ichiraku to The Sannin Sushi House she assumed this was finally going to be more intimate.

Hinata swallowed heavily. “I-I, uh. He must’ve made a mistake.”

The server nodded her head in understanding. “Yes, but unfortunately, we can’t change your table. There aren’t any spare ones tonight.”

The sound of the other patrons hit her then, reminding her of how loud and full the restaurant was. She just nodded and Hinata went along with it, hiding her disappointment. They would just have to do with a larger table between them. A voice in the back of her head scoffed at her.

Who else is coming tonight?

Maybe Naruto had misheard her? She didn’t understand how he could have but it had to have been a mistake. She shook her head, chastising herself for worrying over something so trivial. She was stronger than this.

“Thank-you,” she bowed to the server. “Where is the table?”

Hinata followed the woman and settled into the chair that gave her the best view of the restaurant entrance. She was already on edge, with the change in her plans, and worried that something else might sneak up behind her if she wasn’t careful. All the courage she’d learned from Naruto-kun had boiled off and she needed to get a hold of herself.

“Dining alone, again?”

Hinata gave a start at the familiar voice. “Sasuke-kun,” she said softly.

Why is he here?

Did this mean Naruto had invited him too? No, that didn’t make any sense.

The Uchiha slid into the chair across from her. This was one of the non-self-serve restaurants that had popped up in Konoha in the last twelve months and as a result the space between them, under the table, was minimal. His foot accidentally brushed against hers and she started again.

“A-are you here–”

“Hm. Naruto said he’d pay this time if I turned up early.”

They got dinner together a lot, then? Hinata struggled not to lose the soft smile she’d plastered to her face. It was only natural that Naruto would make time for his former teammate who was also his best friend. This didn’t mean he was avoiding her.

Of course not. Why would I even think such a thing?

“W-where is Sakura-san?”

Sasuke picked up the menu in front of him and lazily perused it, not answering her question. He didn’t look over at her when she repeated the question and began tapping the table with the menu absentmindedly. She wondered what was going through his head. After a few minutes, she’d had enough.

“Why are you here?”

Now, he looked up at her. “There are no more free tables.”

Is he making fun of me?

She assumed he was a joking. He had to be. This was supposed to be just her and Naruto. Sasuke was ruining everything. She didn’t want to burst that out at him, but it did really feel like he was getting in the way deliberately. Hanabi’s words to her the other day about Sasuke following her around popped into her head, but that was ridiculous. Everyone knew he was dating Sakura, just like Hinata hoped to begin dating Naruto. Why else would Sakura be so adamant something was going to happen between them?

“He’s just shy, Hinata,” the pinkette had told her yesterday. “And we’re going out tomorrow night anyway.”

Tomorrow night is tonight, she reminded herself. So where is Sakura?

A waitress sidled up to their table, giving Sasuke a once over with her eyes before asking them for their orders.

“Pork Katsu Curry,” Sasuke said. “With a side of Kani Salad and Green Tea.”

“Certainly, handsome.” The waitress turned to Hinata. “And you, sweetie?”

Hinata felt very uncomfortable under the stare they were both giving her. It felt like she was on a date with Sasuke, not Naruto. She didn’t know how to handle this. It felt like the world had just tipped on its axis. When she was this uncomfortable, Hinata usually just caved to whatever was expected of her. But she didn’t want to keep doing that with the important things in her life. However, this was too public and sensitive a venue for her to start putting her foot down without repercussions. Saying anything about her disappointment and desire to get rid of them both would only make her regret it later.

She blinked heavily. Uh, right. They were still looking at her expectantly. Though Sasuke’s eyes were occasionally drifting off to the side like he was embarrassed, but he still looked more bored than anything.

“Miso Soup,” she said finally, going with something she knew well. Hinata wasn’t hungry enough for a side, but she didn’t want them to think she was angry with them. “And M-Moyashi Salad on the side.” She cleared her throat. “And just some water, please.”

The waitress read their orders back to them then winked. “That’ll be ready in a jiffy. You two lovebirds let me know if you need anything else, okay?”

Hinata’s skin flushed crimson and she lowered her gaze to the table, not daring to see Sasuke’s reaction to that.

“How long until Naruto-kun arrives, do you think?”

Sasuke glanced over at her and shrugged, then leaned forward to rest his chin on his hands, now staring at her. It was making her uncomfortable, so she looked back down again. They remained that way, in silence, for a while. Hinata entertained herself by counting the tassels on the edge of the tablecloth. Over and over again.

“You…”

Hinata looked up quickly as Sasuke trailed off, the look on his face suddenly uncertain. Before she could ask him what he was going to say, the waitress returned with their orders. She felt herself turning beet red, realising they’d been sitting like this for at least ten minutes. The waitress was eyeing them curiously, like one would a couple of bugs under a microscope.

“Thank-you,” they both said at the same time.

Hinata sighed deeply as the waitress bowed to them. She was eerily silent this time and moved away quickly.

“I think we unnerve her,” she said softly.

Sasuke glanced at the woman’s retreating back before digging into his food. For him, it was digging in. Hinata had been in many group outings with Team Kakashi since the war ended and Sasuke was allowed free reign of the village. He ate like a nobleman; picky and proper. Not at all like Naruto.

She sighed again and picked up the bowl with her Miso Soup. If he wasn’t going to turn up, she might as well enjoy the night air and good food. They ate in silence and Hinata slowly settled her nerves, finding the quiet between them a comfortable surprise. The loud noises in the restaurant didn’t bother her anymore and she proceeded to escape into her own little world, just thinking about things.

Her father had been asking her about her future lately, instead of telling her what it would entail. She was finally having conversations with him in which taking part meant that she could approach the subject matter honestly. He’d even stopped asking her about her love life. (His attempt at a marriage of convenience notwithstanding.) Hinata put her bowl down and glanced over at Sasuke. It seemed nobody had a handle on their love life lately.

“Are you…” She hesitated when Sasuke put down his spoon and she suddenly had his full attention. “Um. I thought you were coming here with Sakura-san on a date.” He shook his head. “She, uh, said so yesterday.”

Was that a smirk? Whatever it was, it was gone a moment later.

“Sakura…” he cocked his head to the side. “She has different ideas on what an invitation out with friends means.”

Hinata understood what he meant but frowned softly. Everyone knew that Sakura was obsessed with Sasuke and saw any attention from him as evidence of their undying love. A simple invitation with Team Kakashi could set her off on a soliloquy about star-crossed love. But that didn’t explain why she wasn’t here. Her absence made even less sense than Naruto’s.

Sasuke sighed, obviously realising she wanted to know more. He sat back in his chair heavily.

“I… told her we were meeting at Ichiraku’s.”

“You…”

He told Sakura the wrong place on purpose. He had no intention of being honest with her. Was it a trick? Or just him being a douche? Hinata narrowed her eyes at Sasuke. A familiar feeling of annoyance rose up inside her and if she’d been paying attention to why this bothered her so much, she’d have realised Sasuke was giving Sakura the same kind of brush off that Naruto had done to Hinata.

But she couldn’t bring herself to yell at him either. She ground her teeth. “Take it from me, Sasuke-kun, you wouldn’t like someone you care about doing that to you.”

“Don’t call me Sasuke-kun.”

He hated honorifics.

“You have no idea.” He said it like he’d come to some kind of existential realisation.

“About what?”

“You’re quiet and shy and sweet to everyone. Always putting yourself down and picking up everyone else.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. Sasuke continued, now leaning forward and pointing at her like he was her sensei, and she was a naughty genin who refused to listen.

“Despite having such a powerful dojutsu, you don’t even see what’s happening right in front of you. Naruto has obviously left you in the dirt, but you keep holding out hope he’ll come around.” She fidgeted as he continued to reprimand her. “Face it: he lied to you.”

“He was just trying to spare my feelings.” Her voice sounded hollow, even to her.

Sasuke scoffed. “By dragging the decision out.”

“What are you doing to S-Sakura-san?”

“That’s different,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “I’ve told her I’m not interested but she won’t take the hint.”

“Naruto-kun’s–”

“He’s a dobe. And he isn’t going to date you, no matter what you think.”

“How can you call him your friend and speak of him like this? I thought you cared–”

“I never said I cared about him.”

“I suppose you expect me to believe that?”

“I’m not the only one running away from the truth.”

“No, you’re perfect,” she said, spitting out the last word.

He smiled at that. Genuinely. Her frustration seemed to amuse him.

“Why are you saying these things to me?” She asked, clenching her fists and glaring openly at him.

“Because no-one else will,” he said, matter-of-factly. “Least of all the one person who should.”

But why did he have to be so rude about it?

He levelled her with the most intense non-glare stare she’d ever seen from him. “Kindness doesn’t seem to work on you.”

Damn. She’d asked that question out loud. Hinata couldn’t get a handle on the emotions bubbling up inside her. It was too painful. She’s waited for years. Held herself up high and given every inch of herself. But Sasuke knew Naruto better than she did. He said the blond had no intention of doing anything with her. He said that he was just a dobe who wasn’t telling her what she needed to hear. She was so furious now that Hinata couldn’t hear anything other than her own blood rushing in her ears.

How dare he?

“You are a low life.” Hinata could hardly believe the words were out of her mouth as she stood up, her body shaking with anger. Sasuke just stared back at her, not surprised or offended one bit. “Sakura-san could do so much better than you.”

“Tell her that.”

She desperately wanted to throw her untouched water at him. But she reigned in that emotion, not wanting to cause a scene that could get back to her father. She’d already embarrassed herself enough. Instead, Hinata huffed, rifled in her purse and threw down just enough money to only pay for her own food. Naruto had apparently promised to pay for Sasuke, and he wasn’t here to do so. But that didn’t mean that she had to do it in his stead. Feeling quite unlike herself, she scowled at him before storming off.

Hinata didn’t see the genuine curiosity on his face at her actions. The small smile of interest she’d sparked. She could only see red. It would be hours before she could calm down enough to realise, he’d been right.

.:.

Bargaining.

If only she’d been stronger. And more forceful, like Sakura, then none of this would’ve happened. Her life had spiralled out of control. Before that dinner with Sasuke, Hinata could just go along and pretend that one day Naruto would ask her out for real, or at least take her asking seriously. He wasn’t in a relationship of his own, though – to her chagrin – his fangirls were still as stubborn as ever. And that lack of a relationship had given her hope.

Now she had all kinds of thoughts about what was really going on. And the truth was, that Sasuke was right. Naruto-kun wasn’t interested in her like that. It was still hard to grasp since she’d held onto it for so long and it didn’t feel real. They’d shared a moment during the war, holding hands and promising to be there for each other. She’d taken it as a declaration of love while he’d been talking about friendship. Granted, the kid of friendship you kill and die for, but friendship all the same.

I’m as bad as Sakura.

Or maybe only almost as bad as Sakura, since the pinkette was still talking Sasuke up to everyone. He’d made a scene the day after that dinner date (and she could admit that, although accidental, it had been a date), which should’ve put Sakura in her place. Hinata hadn’t seen either of them since then, so she didn’t know if it worked. But she had bigger fish to fry.

Hinata needed to regain control of this chaos she’d created. Maybe she was still in denial though, and it would explain why she’d deliberately made her way to Ichiraku’s, knowing he’d be there. He always was at lunchtime. Everyone knew that Naruto got up at nine o’clock, had breakfast (sometimes in his apartment and sometimes at Ichiraku’s), headed over to the training grounds where he’d work out (and sometimes spar, if any of his former teammates were available), then practically skip to Ichiraku’s for lunch. He’d spend anywhere from half an hour to an hour there, depending on how hungry he was and how many fangirls slowed him down. Then Naruto would promptly return to the training grounds for a few hours before tracking down his former teammates to see who wasn’t busy and then bug them until they either kicked him out or he got bored. If the sun hadn’t set yet he’d wander through the village, waving at people, being waved at, and stopping to talk to other Konoha Eleven members.

Sometimes he spent the late afternoon with Konohamaru and his friends. Then he’d go back to the training grounds and use the dark to hone his sensory skills. Naruto would go at it until he dropped, then drag his arse back home, eat, bathe, and finally sleep until morning.

His schedule was a little different sometimes, depending on his mood and available friends (Kakashi didn’t send him on many missions because he was too overpowered for most of them) but the lunchtime and when he started night-time training were like clockwork.

When he would find time to do the things he’d always gone on about, she didn’t know. But Hinata knew his current schedule because she was a stalker. It was obvious to her now. Nobody else followed him around like this. She wondered if he’d ever taken the time to notice. She needed to get a hold of this before she wasted her life away.

But Hinata couldn’t stop wondering what could’ve been if she’d approached Naruto right after the war instead of waiting for him to get into a routine of ignoring her. Maybe she’d have shown him just how right they were for each other. And he’d finally listen.

This was why she was walking toward the Ichiraku Ramen stand. It was why she stopped next to a stall of flowers and pretended to be interested in them as she watched the ramen stand in her peripherals. And why she didn’t move away the moment she realised he was on a date. Her stomach clenched, but it was a milder pain than she expected. Even so, it still threatened to bring a fresh bout of tears to her eyes to watch him with this girl.

Naruto was the only member of Team Kakashi at the stall. He stood outside, laughing and joking with someone that Hinata didn’t recognise. The girl was really pretty. With short auburn hair and a petite figure that her clothes highlighted, and her makeup complimented. What made Hinata realise it was a date was not only how the girl was dressed to the nines (Naruto, too, for him anyway), but also how he reciprocated when she ran her hand along his arm. He was blushing and trying to pull of the cool guy act. If this was just another fangirl, he wouldn’t put that much work into it, surely.

They talked and laughed a few minutes more before clasping hands and ducking under the flap to take their respective stools in Ichiraku.

Definitely a date.

Hinata let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and turned away from the flowers. The stall server was disappointed but quickly turned to another customer.

Story of my life.

A sudden flare of chakra had her spinning around and she found herself suddenly face to face with Sasuke Uchiha. Had he seen her stalking his friend? There was nothing but his usual aloof stare on his face as he silently appraised her. But she knew. He knew. And the shame of it made her body shake with both anger and humiliation. So, she did the only thing her body was willing to do in that moment.

Hinata ran away.

She took to the rooftops and pushed herself to her limit, trying to get away from Naruto. From Sasuke. Her tears dried on her face by the time she found herself at Team Eight’s old training ground. She wiped at them then found her favourite oak tree and sat down. Even under the shade, the sun was warm and comforting on her skin. She basked in it, closing her eyes.

This time, Hinata felt him arrive. But she didn’t feel childish enough to tell him to go away. She opened her bleary eyes and looked up at him, shielding her eyes from the sun. He looked radiant, with the curve of the blinding light almost silhouetting him. Sasuke moved forward to better block the rays and she lowered her arm.

“Why are you h-here?”

He moved out of the way of the sun and Hinata shaded her eyes quickly. Sasuke always did have a thing for being dramatic. She turned to look at him as he sat down on the grass next to her. He didn’t answer at first, staring up into the sun like it didn’t bother him at all. Nothing ever seemed to bother him. Finally, he sighed.

“I told you so.”

The floodgates opened. She broke down. Hinata couldn’t stop it. She pulled her legs up to her chest and hugged herself, her face in her knees as she cried. She wasn’t upset at him. Only herself. Hinata didn’t react when Sasuke shifted his bum to press his side against her and gave her a one-armed hug. Her head lolled to rest on his shoulder as he pulled her closer to himself, but she didn’t relent on the tears. His hand was large and warm against her, making Hinata cry even more.

Eventually, she stopped shaking and sniffled heavily.

She hated that he could get over their argument so easily and yet she was still plagued with doubts about how she’d acted. How rude he’d been. Hinata gave herself a few silent moments to compose herself before sliding out of his grip and wiping her face. Hinata rose shakily to her feet and gave him a slight bow.

“Thank-you Uchiha-san. I can see myself home now. Good day.”

He watched silently as she walked away solemnly.

.:.

Depression.

She avoided every member of Team Kakashi for weeks. Hinata couldn’t avoid Kakashi forever however, as the Hokage called her in for a pep talk – his version, rather, which was to ask her if she wanted a mission outside of Konoha. “To get away for a while. You could treat it like a vacation.”

Did everyone know about her problems? Kakashi probably just knew because of the other members of his former team, but it felt like a spotlight was suddenly shining on her and the whole world had gathered to watch her humiliation. She understood his concern. Hinata would think less of him if he hadn’t been. But she couldn’t deal with being this exposed right now.

“No thank-you, Hokage-sama,” she’d said, bowing lower than usual. “I am expected to join father in a mission soon and it would be disrespectful of me to leave Konoha right now.”

He just stared back at her for a moment but eventually nodded his head slowly.

Naruto’s voice interrupted them, suddenly bouncing off the walls as if he was standing right there and making Hinata jumped. But the loud blond was actually just booming down the hall outside.

“Hang on,” Kakashi said, then stood and disappeared out of the room.

Hinata could hear them talking, and Naruto’s whining voice and something about Ichiraku. Naruto yelled out, “woo-hoo!”.

Lord Hokage is trying to get rid of him for me.

But it sounded like he was too excited to get the hint.

Hinata couldn’t stand the pity. The deep, painful feeling that churned in her gut and worked its way up through her body like acid reflux. Hinata stumbled slightly from the physical shock of it. Kakashi meant well and she understood this, but it just made her feel so small.

She couldn’t let people cover for her anymore. Hinata realised that was what people had been doing. Trying to help her by keeping them apart. But all that had done was blind her to the truth. She loved her friends, but this was not the way to moving on. She had to be braver than this. Steeling herself, Hinata pushed her shoulders back and pushed the doors open, leaving the Hokage's office. Kakashi looked surprised to see her come out. His former student went silent upon seeing her, then started fidgeting.

“Hinata…” Naruto trailed off, rubbing the back of his head.

But Hinata ignored him, her chin high and face resolutely forward. She would not give herself the opening to fall back into the comfort of lies. She would not regress. She was stronger than this, damnit! Nobody said anything else as she left the Hokage Tower. When she was out of sight, Hinata finally breathed, shaking her arms to release the tension. Fighting the tears that threatened to spill over.

“I need to go home,” she said to herself, shivering. A storm was on its way, and she didn’t want to walk home soaking wet. She picked up the pace and quickly entered the front gates of the Hyuuga compound. The rain started pelting down the moment they closed behind her, and she sighed deeply. The guards nodded to her, and she smiled at them with all the warmth she could muster.

The grounds of the Hyuuga compound were beautiful no matter what time of year it was. Even in the moist air they came alive. Hinata walked through the covered walkways between the houses, mulling over what she’d just done.

I ignored Naruto-kun.

She’d never done that before. And she had no idea how to deal with it. A part of her wanted to break down again. The other was feeling light as air. Free. Hinata could feel the emotion building up inside her again so hurried into her room and slid the door closed, before anyone could see her. She carefully placed her sandals on the shoe rack and pulled a coat from her wardrobe. The temperature had plummeted, so she sent out her chakra to get the attention of a servant and had them bring her a hot chocolate. Once she found herself alone, she sat on the window seat of her study and stared out through the glass window at the rain below her, hugging the hot chocolate to herself as she took tentative sips.

She was just daydreaming about figures dancing in the rain when she spotted something.

A figure walking in the rain. It was definitely male, his hands in his pockets and exuding chakra from his body to keep the rain at bay. She could sense it faintly, even from this distance. It reminded her of that mission so long ago when she’d been encased in crystal and would’ve died if she hadn’t expelled chakra from her chakra points. It was an easy thing for a Hyuuga to do, but this person wasn’t a Hyuuga.

They paused and looked up toward her. She couldn’t see his face clearly because of how hard the rain was coming down but Hinata was sure now: it was Sasuke. Hanabi was right. She kept watching as he slowly turned away and continued walking. Had he seen her? Did she want him to? Did it even matter?

Yes. Yes. And emphatic yes.

She had no idea why, but yes. Hinata wanted him to care enough to take the long way home that took him past the Hyuuga gates. He was the only one telling her the things she needed to hear. Even Hanabi’s questions weren’t as blunt as they should be. Sasuke was the only one not pitying her. She found she hated pity. She appreciated him so much in that moment. More than she’d appreciated him before.

Hinata swallowed heavily, palming her hand against the glass windowpane as his figure disappeared into the haze of the heavy rain.

“Sasuke.”

.:.

Acceptance.

All she felt now was exhaustion. She had just run a marathon and dragged herself through most of it, but eventually the energy would return. Her body would recover, and her mind would follow suit. She hoped. She had put so much of her energy into the life she’d imagined with Naruto.

Hinata was surprised she hadn’t snapped much earlier. Looking back, it was obvious this wasn’t going to happen.

He hadn’t left her for someone else. Because they’d never been an item. Her heart still wrenched at the thought of what might’ve been, but she was finally taking those steps to let him go. She had no business shoving him into her heart anyway. Hanabi told her, “You’re finally accepting your grief” when she told her and gave her the warmest hug she’d ever received. It almost made her break down again.

Then Hanabi asked her about Sasuke.

“Sasuke-kun?”

He looked up as she approached, seemingly surprised that she’d sought him out this time. Normally it was him hounding her. No, that wasn’t the right word. He didn’t hound her. He wasn’t some obsessed fanboy. She smiled at that. No, Sasuke was a good friend. She swallowed heavily at the weird sensation that sentence had induce in her gut.

Friend.

The word didn’t sound right either.

So, she’d tracked him down, only to find him in the Uchiha compound graveyard. She almost turned around and left right then, to give him privacy, but figured if he could interrupt her when she was doing something important then she could do the same.

“Hinata?”

He didn’t complain as she knelt next to him and offered a prayer to the headstone he was sitting in front of. It had his parents name on it. She closed her eyes and silently wished them well in the afterlife, then opened her eyes and turned to look at him.

“I was looking for you.”

“Obviously. Why?”

She smiled. “Why not?”

He scoffed, but she didn’t lose her smile. He stared back at her before finally relenting and offering up his own light smile. They both turned back to the headstone and silence reigned for a while. It was comfortable and companionable.

“I’m leaving Konoha.”

She was surprised. “Where will you go?”

“I have a mission.”

Hinata frowned. “Lord Hokage is letting you on missions outside the village?”

He pulled a face and she almost giggled. “Kakashi has little choice.”

This told Hinata that the mission was international. She was suddenly burning with curiosity, but held back because, likely, it was top-secret. And she wasn’t in the know on top-secret missions. The inner circle of the Hokage was always a tight, handful of people and this Hokage was no different. She had no doubt that the rest of his former team knew what he was going to be doing.

“It’s just politics,” he offered, sitting back on his bum now and pulling mindlessly at the grass. “Nobody but I can do it, apparently.”

He didn’t look happy about it. Hinata was quite enjoying his openness right now.

“And it’s for an indefinite amount of time.”

She nodded but he wasn’t paying her any mind. It wasn’t personal so she didn’t take it to heart. She wondered how long he’d be gone. If Hinata was honest with herself, she was going to miss him. Before he got involved with her problems, she wouldn’t have really cared either way. But things were different now. Every day since that evening, she’d seen him in the rain, she’d sat at her window and watched him walk by. Every time he stopped and looked up at her, she swore she could feel his eyes on her. Like he knew she was watching him too.

“What’s the mission?”

Why did I just ask that?

She’d held back because it wasn’t her place. Was she really this desperate to know all about him?

Sasuke stood slowly and stared down at her. “Agree to come with me first.”

“What?” She scrambled to her feet.

“Agree to come with me and I’ll tell you all about it.”

He was serious. She frowned. “But Hokage-sama–”

“Kakashi already offered you an out. He won’t complain about you finally taking it.”

“I’m not approved for the mission.”

“You don’t have to be.” He stepped closer to her, and she felt rooted to the spot. His eyes were intense on hers and in the back of her mind she realised she was seeing a side to Sasuke that few ever did. It was intense. The way he looked at her would haunt her dreams if she said no.

She shivered. If I take too long to answer, will he beg?

His comment had a “they don’t have to know” vibe. Like they were runaways. Star-crossed lovers. She felt herself flush at the thought of that. The idea of going with him sounded exciting if not terrifying. But the idea of staying here, not knowing when she would see him again, was worse.

“You can return to Konoha anytime you want,” he added, stepping impossibly closer. “To whatever life you think you will have back here. Or you can come with me, do some good for the village without having to deal with all the shit you’ve been going through.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. His verbal acknowledgement of her problems seemed so out of character for him. But she was grateful and offered a small smile, which he quickly returned, also to her surprise.

Who is this man standing in front of me, asking me to basically run away with him?

It would be a huge undertaking and she had no idea what she was getting herself into. But suddenly, the rush of the unknown wasn’t so scary to her. It would be an adventure. One with purpose. And perhaps, she could find a little of herself out there. With him.

Hinata widened her smile and nodded. “Okay.”

He was full of surprises, because the next thing she knew, Sasuke’s hands were cupping her face. Her mouth opened slightly in shock, and he licked his lips before slowly moving in toward her. He was giving her time to pull away and change her mind. Hinata didn’t take it, closing her eyes as his mouth gently pressed against hers.

She should’ve seen this coming. This was why Sasuke had even bothered to give her the time of day. This was what all their little moments had been leading up to. This odd feeling of belonging was reciprocated.

I am so blind.

The taste of salt mixed in with the taste of him as she deepened the kiss. But for once, they were happy tears.

.:.

#SasuHina #sasuhinamonth2021 #day 25 #the season of grief #fanfiction #my fanfiction

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twh-news · 3 years ago

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'Loki' Star Sophia Di Martino on the Season 1 Finale, Working With Jonathan Majors and What She Knows About Season 2

[Editor's note: The following contains spoilers through the Season 1 finale of Loki, "For All Time. Always."]

Since her introduction at the end of Episode 2, Sophia Di Martino's depiction of Sylvie, the female variant of Loki introduced midway through her campaign of vengeance against the TVA, has been a defining aspect of Disney+'s Loki. And, as we learned in the season finale, the story of Loki isn't over yet — though what's in store is pretty nebulous, following Sylvie's betrayal of Loki (Tom Hiddleston) after what was their first and what might be their last kiss.

In a one-on-one conversation with Di Martino via Zoom, Collider asked about working with Jonathan Majors in his MCU debut, what it was like having both fight scenes and more romantic scenes with Hiddleston, and of course what the conversations around Season 2 have been like.

Collider: To start off, when did you have a sense that there would be a second season of Loki?

DI MARTINO: I mean, there'd been rumors for a while, but I still haven't heard officially if it's happening, like officially, officially. I only know what I know through reading the news. And I know, because you guys know, because of the tag at the end of Episode 6.

I was going to say, that feels like a pretty official thing, but it doesn't sound like anyone has shown up at your doorstep with paperwork.

DI MARTINO: No, nothing. Nothing like that.

Now, does that mean that when you watched it, were you given a full script of the sixth episode?

DI MARTINO: Yes. We got one episode at a time. So I wasn't given Episode 6 until like midway through shooting Episode 5.

So in that situation, what was your initial reaction to reading, especially like the last, say, 10 pages or so.

DI MARTINO: Just like, holy crap. This is massive. How exciting. Woof. And then also, "who's going to play He Who Remains, I need to know because it's such an amazing part and such incredible speeches he has. I wanted to imagine who would play him, but I couldn't have ever imagined the way Jonathan would have done it. So brilliant.

In terms of working with Jonathon Majors, what was that experience like? Just because I feel like he brought such a different energy to the role than I think anyone would have ever expected.

DI MARTINO: Yeah. He just exploded onto that set with so much energy and nothing like we could ever have imagined. It was a lot of fun and he was brilliant. You know, people were saying this is going to be something really special, whispering behind the camera. He was so eccentric and fun and kind of terrifying. Very easy for Tom and I to just sit and listen to him for a few days. Very entertaining.

Yeah. In rewatching the episode, it's still so striking to me the way that, after Sylvie stabs him, he makes barely any noise.

DI MARTINO: Because he knows that it's a possibility, I think. So maybe he's had a long time to sort of imagine every scenario. Yeah. It's kind of creepy, isn't it? The way he does that.

When you were breaking down the script for Episode 6, were you talking about Kang the Conqueror? Were you talking about the comic book backstory there?

DI MARTINO: I don't remember talking about the comic book backstory of Episode 6. But you know, to be honest, it was all very quick. Especially with Episode 6, we got the script pretty late in the day. So there wasn't that much mining to be done, to be honest. I'm not sure about Jonathan's experience, but for me, it was sort of pretty late in the day, just in the case of learning my lines and trying to make sure I didn't mess that up.

Of course — and it makes sense in terms of where your character is coming from.

DI MARTINO: Exactly. So I just need to know at that point, I just need to know what's going on for Sylvie.

In that case, in your head, what was going on for Sylvie in those scenes?

DI MARTINO: Oh my goodness. So much. I mean, so much happens in like 30 seconds. Doesn't it?

Definitely. But even before the final sequences, it's very dialogue-heavy and there's a lot of listening. In playing that, what was important for you?

DI MARTINO: To really listen and to really take on board what he was saying to us at that point, and then to choose not to believe him. For Sylvie, she's just on a revenge mission from the minute she walks into that building, she knows that she wants to kill someone. When they're in the elevator with him, she's already taking swipes at him. She just wants to get him with her machete. And I think she's just so laser-focused on that goal, that he could have said anything to her and her priority wouldn't have changed.

So you don't think there was ever a moment in that whole sequence where Sylvie was tempted, not tempted by the possibilities presented, but tempted to believe him?

DI MARTINO: I think there's a moment that he really pushes Sylvie's buttons when he's talking about you have been on a long journey and it's been really tough for you, hasn't it? And you can't trust anyone. You think you can trust him. And he starts playing mind games with them, playing them off against each other. And I think at that point, he plants a seed of doubt in her mind about Loki, but I think her mission to want to kill him doesn't change. She's absolutely married to that idea. And that feeling is so strong that she chooses it over Loki in the end.

From your perspective, where does that come from?

DI MARTINO: Just revenge. Like having her life taken away from her, her life ruined, spending her whole life on the run, this sort of anger. And if you want to think of it in these terms, her "glorious purpose." I went there.

I don't think you got to say those words during the show, so I'm glad you got this moment now.

DI MARTINO: Yeah. I'm saying it as much as I can now.

Later in the episode, this wasn't the first time you had a fight sequence with Tom Hiddleston, but did it feel different from the episodes you shot earlier?

DI MARTINO: Yeah, it did. This scene was far more emotive. There was a lot more going on for both of them. It was the breakup scene. It was the fight that you have when you are leaving someone. And it's so painful because you care about this person, but you just can't be with them for whatever reason. And that's how that felt.

Which is so interesting because of course what happens at the end of it is that there's a kiss and it's given the whole big Hollywood romantic music treatment.

DI MARTINO: Yeah. I mean, but that often happens when you're splitting up with someone, doesn't it? Just one last time, a sweet goodbye. It's kind of like a goodbye kiss in a way.

Of course. But it was also, unless I'm missing something, the first kiss.

DI MARTINO: Yeah. It was. And it had been building up for a long, long time. I think it was ultimately a goodbye kiss and a clap away for Sylvie to physically turn him around so she could get hold of that TemPad and zap him back to the TVA.

Yeah, of course. In terms of that, in general, I feel like there's a temptation to just kind of look at the Loki and Sylvie relationship as a straightforward romance, which of course it is very much not. From your perspective, what was it about that you worked hard to lean into.

DI MARTINO: I think it's about sort of self-love and acceptance as well as being a romance story. And for Sylvie, she's sort of shedding everything she doesn't need before she gets to He Who Remains so she can kill him. She gets rid of her cape, she gets rid of her horns. She ultimately gets rid of Loki. It's just not serving her in that moment. And it's so cold to think of it that way. But I think that's what was happening. That and the fact that she wanted him to be safe. So, she's kind of saving him by pushing him through that time door as well.

And if you're going to think of it as like an exploration of self-acceptance and self-love, that's also interesting because she showed sort-of, I don't know, getting rid of a part of herself that isn't serving her anymore at the same time as keeping it safe.

It's really interesting to hear you talk about it that way, because it makes me think about how the one thing that came out, especially I think in Episode 5, is the idea that knowing Sylvie made Loki a better person in some fundamental ways. And I'm wondering about the opposite of that. What did knowing Loki mean for Sylvie?

DI MARTINO: I think it's slightly different for Sylvie. I don't know if he's made her a better person. I don't know if she's allowed herself to change yet. Loki's been quite brave and he's changed. He's a changed person by the end of that series. Sylvie is still hell-bent on her mission and she still chooses it over caring about someone else. So maybe she's yet to make that change.

So in talking about the scene like it's a breakup... Season 1 ends with the characters being very separated and of course, Season 2 is very much a nebulous thing at the moment, but people break up all the time and get back together. In your head, do you see there being still some sort of future for the characters as a couple?

DI MARTINO: It would definitely be fun to see them in the same room together again, wouldn't it? I'm fascinated. Yeah. After that, I'm fascinated to see what Loki has to say to Sylvie after doing that to him. Who knows? Never say never. I'm really excited to see what they come up with because it could go in so many different directions, but surely they have to come face to face again at some point.

It's like that awkward party after you've broken up with someone and you see them again. And that first conversation, whether it's in public or not, it's sorts of awful, but such a relief once it's been done.

Something that's been kind of a topic of discussion when it comes to talking about romance on screen is a quality that a lot of leading men have — for lack of a better term, the ability to give their love interest a Look. I've consulted with others and we feel like Tom Hiddleston has the look or has the ability to deliver the look. And I'm curious what it's like to be on the other side of it.

DI MARTINO: Tom's a very charming man and he could definitely make people go weak at the knees by just giving them a look. My reaction to that is always to sort of make a joke and run away. So there was probably a lot of that on set, breaking the tension by being a goofball.

I just had to react as Sylvie. And Sylvie's got these walls up. She doesn't let anyone in and that includes Loki. So sure there's a sort of, oh, this person is not as I thought they were. I'm warming to them. But Sylvie's not an easy nut to crack.

Is it fun getting to play that kind of strength?

DI MARTINO: Yeah. It's awesome because when her defenses do come down and she's vulnerable, it's really interesting. And you start to see all of the stuff that's buried underneath and that's what makes her a great character to play.

So, how do you feel about there being a second season? Do you feel like if there hadn't been a second season, you would have gotten the closure you wanted to from the story?

DI MARTINO: Probably not. I want to know what happens just like everyone else. I'm super excited and I just can't wait to see which direction they're going because it could be infinite directions.

Do you have a sense that there might've been different aspects to it, had COVID not been an issue?

DI MARTINO: I think COVID actually probably made it a lot better. We had a five months hiatus and Kate and the producers and writers worked a lot on episodes five and six during that time. And as far as I've heard, a lot changed for the better. They could rewatch what we'd already shot and just carry on working on the scripts and developing them. So I think it was great to have that time actually, as awful in most ways it was, that was the silver lining of it.

Very. Yeah. So looking forward, I imagine if there's a second season, you're on board if you get asked.

DI MARTINO: Hopefully. Hope so.

By the way, I was really excited to see the story about how your costume was designed to allow you to breastfeed during shooting. That seems like it was a really special detail.

DI MARTINO: Yeah, really, really. I'm just so grateful that that happened. It made my life so much easier and it was important to me that I carried on doing that. So it was just the little things and it's just saved a lot of time. Practically, it was a godsend.

Of course. So looking forward, what's next for you?

DI MARTINO: Lots of interviews. Lots of being able to talk about episode six finally, and then, who knows? An infinite possibility. So yeah, I'm excited to see what happens and to see people's reactions to the series because people are still catching up. People are still watching and rewatching it and probably go on.

Yeah. I mean, I imagine that you're going to be cosplayed at various conventions over the next several decades probably.

DI MARTINO: Do you think? That blows my mind.

I mean, cosplaying has a long legacy to it.

DI MARTINO: It's so cool. The way that people are already making Sylvie horns and crafting them from scratch and spraying them. And there's one woman that's just sewn a whole suit together and it looks exactly like my costume. It's so impressive, the love and attention people put into it.

Are you getting an action figure?

DI MARTINO: I don't know. Hopefully. What would I do with it? Maybe I could use it as a cake topper. Who knows? But that would be a very cool thing to have, wouldn't it?

#loki #loki series #sophia di martino #sylvie #interview #article #collider #spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki spoilers

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maybeacrowdedmind · 3 years ago

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My Headcanoned Autistic Characters Part 2:

Let Part 2 of characters I've headcanoned as autistic commence!

Starfire - Teen Titans:

I recently started watching Teen Titans because I'm a big fan of DC Comics. As soon as she came onscreen and began speaking and interacting with the other members of the team, I was convinced. Starfire is autistic to me. Her inability to immediately understand what people mean is one of the biggest factors, and the fact that the way she shows comfort and kindness are through doing things that provide her comfort is another. Finally, for me, the way Starfire speaks is incredibly similar to mine. Starfire speaks formally, which is something I do all the time. In fact, when I first got diagnosed as autistic (I was nine, which is super young for a girl), I was speaking to the psychiatrist in such a formal and proper manner that he was initially under the assumption that I was either born/lived in England, or that I had an English nanny. My way of speaking and the formal vocabulary I have are a lot less noticeable now that I'm older, but hearing a nine year old speak like a professor was a huge tipoff to the doctor who gave me my diagnosis. So, to see Starfire have a speech pattern nearly identical to mine was big. That, coupled with her lack of understanding social cues, lead me to see her as autistic. A bonus to this headcanon is the fact that like Parker, Starfire has people she is close with who don't shame her for being different than they are, and do their best to communicate with her in a way that fits her needs.

Malia Tate/Hale* - Teen Wolf:

*Quick disclaimer: I am only on the second season of Teen Wolf, so technically I haven't seen Malia's character onscreen yet. However, I have seen a lot of spoilers for the show since I knew about it long before I actually ad a way to watch it, and I have seen a ton of scenes featuring Malia in screencaps of the show, and totally see her as autistic. With that in mind, read on.

Malia is shown to be an extremely honest and blunt person; she has no filter when it comes to speaking the truth, and doesn't understand why things are the way they are, especially if they don't make sense to her. I am not wholly convinced that she and I are not the same person in terms of those traits. I, like Malia, speak bluntly; I constantly have to be reminded that some things are meant to be handled delicately, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a black and white thinker in terms of what is logical and what makes sense to me. Malia is also shown to be very absolute and loyal, and cannot stand it when people bend the truth or lie to her in order to keep her safe. I am one of those people who would rather hear something hard and truthful than something that is easier but not completely honest. Malia doesn't see the point in sugarcoating, and to me, these facets of her personality are very alike to mine as an autistic person.

Vilde - Skam:

Let me first say that I love Skam with my whole heart. I'm on season four (I love Sana's character) and the show has not once let me down. Every character is vastly different from one another, which keeps it from becoming boring, so if you haven't seen it, I recommend watching it. Vilde is a character I have adored from the beginning as she is incredibly fun to watch onscreen, and is not without deeper layers than a fun party girl. To me, she is also autistic, and my basis for this is largely founded on her fixation with russ time, her moments of slight insensitivity, her questions that are not ones people are "supposed to ask", and her interactions with the people around her. Her goal in regards to russ is a single-minded one, and her hyper-fixation and focus on achieving this goal have a lot in common with me when I'm focusing on a task that has great importance to me. Vilde also has a tendency to get a little too focused on her goals, occasionally forgetting that the people around her have their own things as well. She also asks questions that are usually not asked by people out of social decorum, and has brought the conversation to a standstill after doing so (if I had a dollar for every time I've done that...), such as asking Sana about her hijab and whether or not she (Sana) is allowed to be part of a russ bus due to her religion in a manner that is awkward and slightly off-putting (even though it wasn't her intention), or asking if Noora is a lesbian because if she doesn't want to hook up with one of the boys, she must be. In regards to her interactions with others, people often label Vilde as being too innocent to understand or know things about people and the world (like Eskild being gay or William not having interest in her, but in Noora), despite the fact that she is aware of both. Vilde is smarter than people give her credit for, which Sana makes note of when telling Noora that Vilde is who she would take with her to battle. As an autistic person, I have often been treated as though I am incapable of understanding deep topics and am underestimated in my ability to be aware of what others are talking about or mean. Vilde is not naïve like people assume she is, which is something I find I have in common with her.

That's part two, and I hope you have enjoyed this post as well as part one! If you have any characters you’ve headcanoned as autistic, let me know in the replies. I’d love to see other characters people relate to. Also, if you could please check out the post I made in regards to my sister and the fundraising she’s doing for a service dog and reblog it, that would be greatly appreciated.

#actually autistic #autistic character headcanon #autistic headcanon #autistic rep is important #teen titans #dc comics #starfire #teen wolf #malia tate #malia hale #skam #skam og #skam vilde #vilde hellerud #vilde lien hellerud #part two of two

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zeta-in-de-walls · 4 years ago

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Brief summary of the Dream SMP S2 + S3

Hey guys, I’ve been meaning to make another helpful recap! [Here’s my summary of the 1st season of the SMP].

Just to be clear, I consider S1 to be all the events up to the Nov 16th war. S2 are the events from Nov17th-Jan 20th. S3 is the current arc

And like before, I mostly watch Tommy’s POV so I’m only going to cover his storyline. Sorry! I won’t be touching much on the Red egg, or Fundy’s story or Quackity’s stuff. You can easily follow Tommy’s story through his vods channel, as every stream is archived there. The roleplaying is much more prominent these days so this is going to be wordy but I’ll try to be as succinct as possible and keep it up to date.

=> Tubbo, now President, commits to rebuilding New L’Manburg. It’s on stilts, leaving the crater below as a memorial of the events that went down. Wilbur’s ghost appears, a friendly ghost who can only remember the good things from Wilbur’s life. He commits himself to rebuilding L’Manburg, wanting to make others happy.

=> Quackity wants to go after Technoblade in revenge for what he did to L’Manburg. Technoblade has retreated to distant lands but Quackity fears he will come back again if they do not stop him. Tubbo shoots his suggestion down, emphasising that he wants peace above all. Fundy, also part of L’Manburg’s Govt, sides with Quackity though they listen to Tubbo as he’s the President.

=> Tommy, now Vice-President again, moves into his old house. He meets several of the new members of the SMP, including Philza, ConnorEatsPants and CaptainPuffy - while he’s not involved in rebuilding he does make an effort to bond with some of the new members. After so long in exile, he wants to focus on his own goals and have fun now that L’Manburg is safe.

=>BadBoyHalo organises a funeral for JSchlatt, who is now deceased. Rather than being respectful, everyone messes around, stealing his remains and making fun of the former tyrant.

=> Vikkstar and Lazarbeam also join the server. Tommy makes a bit of a bad first impression. Next another new member joins, Ranboo. Tommy invites him to go prank George’s house: they dress up in disguises and go rob it in the middle of the night, griefing it some for good measure. After Tommy logs off, Dream logs on.

=> Dream builds a huge obsidian wall around L’Manburg - notably with far harsher borders. Everyone is confused and appalled. Dream indicates that Tommy’s to blame. Dream’s using George’s house as an excuse to challenge L’Manburg’s authority by taking offense to Tommy’s grief.

=> The next day, the cabinet speaks to Tommy and, feeling attacked, he denies everything. They take him and Ranboo to court with Dream threatening to build the walls even higher if Tommy is not punished. Tommy eventually confesses when they start blaming Ranboo too and Tommy insists that Ranboo had nothing to do with it.

=> They hold a meeting. Tommy is to be punished. Tubbo tries to argue for probation where Tommy is stripped of his power and has to be on best behaviour for 3 weeks. Dream would prefer exile but listens. If Tommy were to break probation, he would double the size of the obsidian walls, trapping L’Manburg further, and have guards patrolling the walls, preventing the citizens from leaving. Tommy is outraged at this, finding Dream’s actions entirely unfair.

=> He realises that Dream doesn’t have that much on them where Tommy still has Spirit - the remains of Dream’s dead horse which he once traded Tommy’s disc to Skeppy for. He threatens Dream - take down the walls or he destroys Spirit. Dream goes silent... then doubles the obsidian walls, stating he cares about nothing anymore except Tommy’s music discs and that he’s going to trap L’Manburg forever - it can be independent but never free.

=> They have another meeting. Tommy wants to call Technoblade and fight Dream as he’s oppressing them. Quackity and Fundy agree with this plan, not wanting to comply with Dream. Tubbo refuses, wanting to avoid a badly-thought out war and agrees to exile Tommy. Everyone’s shocked. As Tubbo is the President, it was his call. Tommy is lead away by Dream, accompanied by Ghostbur. Dream promises to take down the walls, now that L’Manburg has complied.

=> Quackity says that they need to get respect back as currently they have no power. He again suggests a ‘butcher army’ where they go after Technoblade as justice for L’Manburg and, this time, Tubbo agrees.

=> Meanwhile, Tommy is lead to a faraway land; his exile forbids him from going to any already inhabited land in the SMP. Dream destroys all his things and he has to start fresh. Tommy feels betrayed by everyone despite Ghostbur’s attempts to cheer him up; they call the land Logstedshire.

=> BadboyHalo visits Tommy and gives him a new music disc - chirp. (He wants to offer more, but Dream stops him.) Dream arrives to watch Tommy, making him destroy his iron armour and follows him around while Tommy tries to mine and build his new base. Tommy makes a tent as he doesn’t want this to be his permanent home. Ghostbur gives him and Tubbo compasses pointing to each other.

=> Exile takes a toll on Tommy. His humour grows darker with more references to death. Others visit but it feels disingenuous to Tommy. He feels lonely. Dream keeps visiting and destroying his armour and other things. But Tommy appreciates the company all the same. One time he has a hallucination of Tubbo visiting. (Tubbo’s too guilty to visit.)

=> Tommy decides to have a beach party so people will visit to see him but he only tells Dream and Ghostbur and Dream secretly sabotages the invites, sending Ghostbur away. When no one but Dream shows up, Tommy gets extremely depressed and angry, destroying the bridge he built through the nether. He decides Dream must be his only friend and even convinces Dream to give him a trident.

=> Jack Manifold visits while Tommy is feeling depressed and Tommy spleefs him into lava in rage before regretting it as he realises this dark mindset is unhealthy. Jack begins to hate Tommy, secretly wanting revenge.

=> Tommy is losing hope, feeling like he will die. He makes a secret room from Dream full of stuff he never wants to lose including pictures of Tubbo and other keepsakes. Dream discovers this room and grows furious, blowing up Logsteadshire and destroys all his things, his armour, his diamonds, everything. The only thing Tommy keeps safe is the pictures of Tubbo. Tommy apologises repeatedly, begging Dream to stay his friend, that he’s so lonely as Dream forbids anyone from ever visiting, destroying the nether portal.

=> Tommy nearly decides to end his life but reconsiders as he realises that Dream was just here to watch him, not be his friend. He cannot give up hope and let him win. So he runs away, and eventually ends up at Technoblade’s house in the wilderness.

=> In L’manburg Quackity sets off his Butcher army plan and they force Philza to tell them where Techno lives, placing his under house arrest for helping a known criminal. From Philza they take a compass that leads them to Techno’s house. Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy and Ranboo all fight Techno who is prepared with potions and gear. Thanks to Dream, he also has a totem of undying. Quackity threatens Techno’s horse, Carl, and Techno surrenders, giving them his weapons and armour, letting them lead him to L’Manburg where they immediately execute him, skipping a trial. Thanks to the totem, Techno lives. He escapes into the sewers with help from Dream and Punz. Quackity finds him but Techno kills him with a netherite pickaxe and flees home on Carl. He swears revenge, determined to absolute destroy L’Manburg for daring to attack him.

=> L’Manburg decides instead that their true enemy is Dream and plan a festival to catch and kill him. Ranboo visits Techno and gives him back his armour. Tubbo visits Logsteadshire and thinks Tommy is dead.

=> Tommy sees Techno who takes pity on him given that Tommy was exiled and now he’s on the run from Dream. Techno shows him his vault containing 150 wither skulls with which he wants to use to destroy L’Manburg. Tommy is horrified and doesn’t want to destroy his old home in spite of his conflicted feelings. He just wants to get his music discs back. Techno suggests working with him and he’ll help get the discs back if Tommy does some minor terrorism with him. Tommy agrees.

=> Dream turns up, looking for Tommy. Techno hides him but notes that he does owe Dream a favour for saving his life. Tommy is very confused about Dream - seeing him as both a friend and enemy, obviously emotionally vulnerable after exile. He fixates on the discs as the one goal that looks achievable. He is reliant on Techno for protection and looks to him for what to do, having no confidence of his own. Techno lets him have armour and golden apples.

=> Techno and Tommy commit acts of terrorism in L’Manburg. They kidnap Connor, torture him a bit and get Tubbo to exchange him for Techno’s crossbow. Tubbo was shocked to see Tommy was alive while Tommy calls Tubbo a monster, after hearing that he tried to kill his new friend Technoblade. He is conflicted though even as Techno shares his negative opinion on L’Manburg. Dream confronts them and Techno protects Tommy, though he offers his favour. Dream refuses, saving the favour, and leaves Tommy alone for now.

=> More terrorism, this time Techno releases a wither while Tommy threatens Fundy and Ranboo, getting back Techno’s sword and axe while accidentally scaring Fundy so much he drowns and even Techno is alarmed at his aggressiveness. Only afterwards does Tommy reflect that he’s going far too far and this might not be right. Techno says he’s beginning to respect him where originally he was useless and tells him his real plan to destroy L’Manburg. Tommy is scared. He reluctantly agrees, then backtracks and says he only wants the discs, not to hurt Tubbo but he is very uncertain.

=> The festival occurs. Tubbo and co. host it waiting for Dream to arrive. Tommy and Techno head over, seeing a scary prison Dream commissioned on the way. When they get there Dream appears but rather than take off his armour, he starts rebuilding the obsidian walls. It’s apparently because of Tommy again.

=> The community house has been blown up. Dream blames Tommy and everyone seems to believe him. He says that he considers L’Manburg responsible for Tommy’s actions unless Tubbo gives up Mellohi, which Tommy gave to him as a sign of trust.

=> Tommy appears and says that he didn’t do it. He’s hurt that Tubbo doesn’t believe him and angry at everyone. He and Tubbo and up fighting while the rest of the server watches. They’re screaming at each other until finally Tommy says that the discs were worth more than he ever was. They both freeze, digesting what he just said.

=> Tommy regrets and says to Tubbo to give up the disc to Dream, saying he’s becoming worse than everyone he hated. Then he says he’s on Tubbo’s side, on L’Manburg’s side - because all his violent behaviour was wrong and he should not let his trauma justify anything.

=> Technoblade says Tommy should come with him, that he’s siding with the enemy after all he’s done for him. Tommy’s mind is made up. Techno accepts this and demands his axe back, saying he’s no longer worthy of it. Tommy refuses, saying he decides that he is worthy. Techno leaves, saying either way he’s going to destroy L’Manburg and that Tommy’s made a mistake.

=> Dream calls Tubbo the worst president ever, explaining how he was pretending to be friends with Tubbo for it and now that he has the disc, he’s going to destroy L’Manburg with Techno tomorrow. He also says that Ranboo is a traitor. Dream leaves.

=> Tommy is in an awkward spot, but apologises to the surrounding crowd. He swears that he didn’t destroy the Community house and that everyone needs to put their differences aside for now because they don’t have time to argue or hold grudges. They need to band together to save L’Manburg from Dream and Technoblade. Settle their differences afterwards. Everyone has to work together to save the day. He believes in L’Manburg still.

=> Quackity talks to Tubbo, saying they should punish Ranboo, Tubbo refuses, saying he will not punish an innocent citizen and will not be pushed around by Quackity anymore. He’s going to be forgiving. Quackity says he’s going to leave L’Manburg for this though still agrees to help in the fight tomorrow.

=> Niki, is angry and doesn’t believe Tommy. She does not want to work with him and doesn’t care about L’Manburg anymore. She’d rather watch it crumble than work with Tommy. Fundy notes that no one likes Tommy but they should band together just while they have a common goal. The next day though, he reconsiders. Why bother trying to save a nation that’s never done anything? Why bother helping others?

=> Ranboo is frustrated saying that this whole fight is stupid and having sides caused the problems in the first place. Having a nation is the problem. He’s friends with people regardless of who they’re with. He says Dream is the enemy but is too scared to fight Dream as he’s too powerful. It’s pointless.

=> Punz says to help L’Manburg but he’s secretly a spy working with Dream to gain people’s trust.

=> Sapnap is conflicted as he doesn’t want to side against Dream. Tommy speaks to him the next day after searching the ocean for his lost fish Mars. He returns Mars to Sapnap saying he wants them to be friends and put aside all the betrayals and wars of the past. Sapnap agrees to help Tommy. Getting Sapnap to release Mars was wrong as hurting other just because you yourself was hurt is wrong, Tommy has decided. Tommy likewise forgives Tubbo for exiling him, saying it was justified and he should never have hurt Tubbo and teamed with Technoblade just because he was hurt and traumatised.

=> The war happens. Few turn up to fight. Fundy has sabotaged their supplies while Niki burns the L’Mantree. Techno starts his assault. Half a dozen Withers are released and they wreck havoc. Tommy and Tubbo fight together, helped by Sapnap, Ponk, Quackity, Punz, Jack Manifold and Eret. They are no match for Techno, Philza, Dream, a dozen withers and a huge pack of dogs.

=> Finally Dream releases tons of TNT, obliterating the nation. Tommy screams at Techno, saying how he never really considered him a friend and this was a betrayal while Techno counters that Tommy betrayed him, seeing him as a weapon rather than a person where Techno helped him and would have fought anyone for him. Tommy calls him selfish for being unable to compromise his views even a little, that he couldn’t have just let them live in peace but had to destroy what he loved.

=> Dream talks to Tommy too, saying that this was just fun for him, and wants to continue toying with Tommy. Tommy swears he won’t give up and Dream says he looks forward to doing this again. L’Manburg’s story is over, but theirs is not.

=> Quackity says to trust no one; all this was too far. Tommy agrees, planning on going after Dream and the discs once more to finish things. They agree that L’Manburg is beyond repair.

=> Ghostbur appears, he asks Phil why he did this, why he would destroy all that Ghostbur built and let his sheep, Friend, die. Phil just says he’ll understand some day. Ghostbur wants to die. Bringing back Wilbur will end his own existence he believes.

=> Tommy and Tubbo move in together, planning to fight Dream together after all he’s done to manipulate them.

=> Ranboo is anxious, he is hearing a voice that sounds like Dream but might just be a memory he’s trying to repress - the voice says that it was he who destroyed the community house. Ranboo goes to live with Philza and Techno, who offer him a home after destroying his house in L’Manburg, now just a crater.

=> Jack and Niki both want to make Tommy pay. Jack plans to get close to Tubbo in order to hurt Tommy.

=> Philza, Ranboo and Eret try to resurrect Wilbur - Tommy sees and is very conflicted as it means killing Ghostbur, who Tommy is very fond of and he’s wary of who Wilbur became. Their first attempt does not succeed but they’re going to try again.

=>Dream destroys Tommy’s house. He asks for Tommy and Tubbo to meet him. Alone. It’s about the discs.

=> Punz has been feigning loyalty to the SMP but was a spy for Dream. However, Tommy had secretly dropped off a chest of valuables in his house, realising he’s suspicious, and ask Punz to help him.

=>Tommy and Tubbo meet Dream alone on a mountain. They fight but are overwhelmed by Dream who makes Tommy choose between Tubbo and his disc. Tommy chooses Tubbo (and the disc turned out to be a fake anyway). Dream continues threatening tubbo, saying he will kill him if they don’t both comply and makes them both drop their armour and items before destroying it all.

=>Dream takes them to a secret vault he has made, containing items of attachment from everyone - it has the disc, Beckerson, Friend the sheep and spaces for more things he wants to collect, such as Sam’s dog Fran, Punz’s shulker box and Techno’s horse, Carl. He also adds the axe of Peace to the wall, which he had taken from Tommy. He then reveals he needs Tommy to be alive and get attached to things and make others get attached so he can collect those things and gain power. Dream has removed all attachments form his own life and believes taking others is the way to gain absolute control. For that he needs Tommy.

=>Dream plans to kill Tubbo and throw Tommy in an inescapable prison. There’s nothing they can do. Then Punz arrives, having heeded Tommy’s message, brining with him the cavalry as a dozen other players come with him, such as Sapnap, Eret, Jack, Niki, Sam and Quackity. They protect Tommy and Tubbo, leaving Dream in trouble.

=>Tommy goes up to Dream, makes him drop his armour as he’d done to Tommy so many times and gets Dream to reveal how he blew up the community house and his manipulative plans, even talking about his exile. Then Tommy kills Dream twice more, (taking two lives as he’d once done to Tommy) and considers killing him a final time so they’ll be free forever.

=>Dream begs him to let him go and offers the secret to bringing someone back to life - which means they could bring back Wilbur. Tommy reluctantly agrees and Sam and Sapnap take him and throw Dream in the inescapable prison.

=>Finally free, Tommy and Tubbo return home. They have the discs back ad listen to them at the bench. Wilbur talks to them - the real Wilbur from beyond the grave, apparently briefly able to communicate after their brush with death, not Ghostbur. He asks about them and they tell him how they want to bring him back. Wilbur is angry, having been content with death. They’re not quite sure what they might have done...

[This is considered the end of Season 2, the disc saga finale being the conclusion. What follows is season 3].

=> The next day, Tommy visits Dream in prison. It’s an impressive structure. Dream is rather subdued and Tommy asks him to write some novels for him. Now that he’s free from Dream, Tommy decides to start a new project for himself: building a hotel so when war breaks out and people inevitably lose their homes, they can stay at his hotel. With all the blown up buildings, the SMP needs some new central buildings, he feels.

=>Tommy asks Sam to build the hotel for him. Sam agrees but asks Tommy to pay him and also to do tasks for him. He becomes a new character, ‘Sam Nook’ like Tom Nook from animal crossing and even speaks in animalish while Tommy does various tasks for him.

=>Meanwhile, red vines have been growing throughout the SMP. They come from a mysterious red egg. They’ve actually been around for a while, but only now is Tommy, and many other characters, becoming aware of this. The egg had spread through the SMP and mind-controlled Bad and later Skeppy, but they’d managed to contain and stop it the first time. Bad got infected again, (because it had changed Skeppy and he wanted to be with him) and so he and Antfrost are now helping it spread once more.

=>Tommy investigates the egg, and finds he seems immune to its mind-controlling effects - most people like the egg or seem to hate it but he’s so far completely neutral and isn’t too concerned with stopping it. When Tubbo goes near it, it makes him cry. When Sam becomes ensnared by the egg, Tommy and Captain Puffy work together and help save him from it.

=> In Snowchester, Jack and Tubbo have been working on building nukes and decide to test them. Jack plans to kill Tommy by luring him to the test site, with Niki’s help. Jack and Niki’s plan nearly succeeds but they don’t get Tommy to the sit fast enough thanks to Tommy’s tendency to chatter and his distractable nature.

=> Tommy is unaware that they tried to kill him though he does feel slightly suspicious of Niki and how close he was to dying. Niki and Jack are disappointed with their failure but try to come up with another plan to kill Tommy.

=>Jack tries to get closer to Tommy by helping him at his hotel. Tommy begins to get suspicious of Jack’s odd behaviour. Meanwhile the egg is still spreading.

=> Sam Nook orders Tommy to go and destroy it and when Tommy goes over, he can hear the egg talking. Tommy nearly starts to destroy it but changes his mind as he doesn’t want to start another big war (many love the egg) - he just wants peace. He decides to take a piece of the egg to place in his hotel, hopefully contained to try and attract egg loyalists to his hotel.

=>The hotel is finished, ready for a grand opening. Tommy decides to visit Dream in prison one last time. He wants closure as he’s healing and doesn’t want Dream in his life anymore.

=>During Tommy’s visit to the prison, TNT can be heard going off in the prison. It seems there’s a problem. It’s suspected to be an attempt to breakout Dream (though the cell is secure) and the prison is put on lockdown with Tommy still trapped inside the cell with Dream. He’s stuck! Dream is very happy about this for now he has Tommy with him.

=>Sam is unable to work out what’s wrong with the prison. Until he finds the culprit he is reluctant to let Tommy out in case it allows Dream to escape. Meanwhile, Jack hears Tommy’s trapped and is ecstatic, realising his great enemy is trapped. He claims the hotel for himself. Much of the rest of the server seems unaware that Tommy is in trouble.

=>After a week, Tommy is angry and frustrated but remains resistant to Dream’s attempts to be friendly, refusing to let himself get manipulated again. Dream beings up the revive book and how he can bring back the day, and Tommy declares it a lie. Dream punches Tommy to death, which takes his last canon life.

=>Sam is devastated. He shares the news with others. Tubbo’s in denial. Jack’s reaction is interesting - initially celebrating but then he feels angry and cheated and empty and realises he’s not sure he wanted Tommy dead. Killing Tommy was the only thing that gave him purpose and now he has nothing. He burns down Jack Manifoldland, and continues with the BigInnit Hotel, still feeling conflicted. Quackity is also shocked by the news, stunned that Tommy could die. Ranboo becomes very pessimistic, feeling like no one on the server cares even as he blames himself for not caring. He’s not sure how much Tommy cared about him but starts to realise it was more than he thought when he finds the flower he first gave to Tommy saved in a chest - Ranboo had thought he’d thrown it away and never cared. Puffy is devastated, viewing the death as a personal failure. Bad and Ant celebrate, showing how much the egg has influenced them. Eret is shocked too, he’s sad as he’d always highly respected Tommy. Even Foolish is saddened though he hadn’t known Tommy well.

=>Tommy speaks to Wilbur in the afterlife, which seems to be a void. Time seems to flow differently there, its much slower. Wilbur still seems fond of Tommy and they keep each other company though Wilbur’s mindset remains a little worrying. He says how he and Tommy were both bad for the server and its better off without them. Tommy hates it in the afterlife, but Wilbur seems fine with it. Schlatt and Mexican Dream are also in the afterlife.

=>Dream resurrects Tommy. Tommy claims over a month has passed for him but for Dream its only been two days. H’s very disoriented. They are still both in the prison and no one else knows that Dream brought back Tommy. Tommy’s alive again but still trapped with Dream. He describes being dead as torturous and he’s sensory deprived.

=>Dream wants to kill Tommy more to learn more about Death, to Tommy’s horror. Dream calls himself a god, cause he can control death and Tommy feels a duty to kill him for the information to resurrect someone is in Dream’s head. But Tommy can’t, for he fears he’d be trapped alone in prison and he’s unsure if Sam would let him out after he killed Dream. Tommy can’t bear to be alone even as he hates what Dream’s doing and planning.

=>Dream intends to resurrect Wilbur. Tommy begs him not to, suggesting that Wilbur would be worse for the server in some way, that bringing him back would mean doom. Dream ignores his warnings, enjoying the power he possesses.

=> Sam finally lets Tommy out of prison and he’s doing badly. He’s afraid of taking damage and feels lost, not sure how to connect with anyway as he feels like they’re treating him differently. Sam is clearly hugely regretful but Tommy no longer trusts him. In fact, he wants a new warden for the prison, not feeling like Sam is capable of it anymore. Tommy finds out about Tubbo’s marriage to Ranboo and feels jealous and left out, seeing how his friends have moved on.

=> Jack is shocked to see him alive and they get into an argument, with Jack refusing to give back the hotel. Jack tries to confront him on everything, like how he wanted to kill Tommy and Tommy does not want to have that conversation at all, hating speaking about death so they leave on bad terms, Tommy not acknowledging Jack’s anger and Jack more angry than ever. He wants Tommy gone once more. He also decides to try and become prison Warden as well

=>Tommy has made it his goal to kill Dream because he’s certain he will escape and destroy everything he loves if they do nothing. He tells Quackity about the revive book.

=>Quackity meets Schlatt’s ghost in an underground cave, where the ghost is trapped after a cryptic message leading him there. He makes a deal with the ghost which might involve resurrection. He then goes to Sam and convinces him to let him in the prison to torture Dream. Sam agrees and every day Quackity visits the prison to torture Dream until he tells him about the secrets of revival.

=> Tommy visits Dream’s bunker from the disc saga finale, to see if the cow he saw was actually Henry, his old pet who died, now that he know the revive book is real. He and Ranboo carefully take both and Friend out of the vault. Then as they’re leading them back Tommy pulls too hard on the leash and Henry dies for a second time. Tommy is thrown into grief once more, feeling defeated and once again clings to the idea of killing Dream.

=> Tommy and Tubbo prepare once more. Tubbo shows Tommy how to build TNT cannons as they plan a way into prison. This is traumatic for Tommy and he is worried he’ll have a panic attack in prison, wrecking his plans so he tries out some exposure therapy, visiting some places of past trauma, including Logstedshire and a replica of Eret’s button room and an obisidian room they build to replicate the prison cell Tommy died in. Tommy find it all extremely stressful though he seems to forgive Eret after seeing his apology in the button room. The prison is hardest as he lasts no more than 30 seconds.

=>With invisibility potions prepared by Tubbo, Tommy sneaks into the prison, following Ghostbur who is visiting Dream (as part of Tommy’s plan) this goes well at first, Tommy making it all the way to Dream’s cell before he’s caught by Sam before he gets close enough to kill Dream. Sam is furious as Ghostbur is left beside Dream, in danger with Tommy helpless to do anything to save him.

=> Dream kills Ghostbur. Wilbur is revived, appearing in the spot he died. Sam tells Tommy he will kill him if he ever goes near the prison again, accusing him of causing this. Wilbur is happy to be alive, after being trapped for 13 years in limbo. He is thankful for Dream for reviving him while Tommy is less than happy to see him alive. Wilbur goes off to plan as stories of his revival spread around the SMP.

--------------

And that’s everything so far! This is quite Tommy-focused I realise. That’s simply the story I’m following. (Sorry about the bias though.) Other parts of the SMP are interesting and I do encourage you to check out other creators as well. Badboyhalo has quite the interesting plot arc of his own, involving a Red egg that corrupts people while Karl is doing one-shot episodes called Tales of the SMP and many other characters have been doing their own thing.

If anyone has any further questions, feel free to ask! I can probably elaborate on most things or point out the relevant streams etc.

#dream smp #tommyinnit #timeline #meta #please tell me if i made any big mistakes #or missed out anything really crucial #cheers!#i'm trying to make this helpful without being too overwhelming #hence why its only tommy's story #exile arc #the disc war

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wheredemdokis · 3 years ago

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[tastebreaker review] Law School (no spoilers)

Sometimes, I wish I could have a shrine for all the cerebral media that I consumed, because it definitely is my favourite archetype. Death Note was a masterpiece that I hungrily binged in one day - similarly with Psycho Pass (though I haven't watched the second season due to most of the reviews I have read). This extend well into non-anime media for me - State of Play (with Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck and Rachel McAdams) remains one of my favourite movies, Inception and, well, honestly anything by Christopher Nolan, and I have recently began watching The Matrix as well.

And so, the thirst for real mystery and brain games was quenched when I started watching Law School, with Kim Myung-min, Kim Beom and Ryu Hye-young, directed by Kim Suk-yoon. Needless to say, throughout the whole trip, I was hooked, counting down days until the next episode came... but towards the end - an unpopular opinion - I was actually quite disappointed.

And so, before you start your cross-examination, allow me to present my findings first.

- How did I start watching this?

My friend and I were looking around for something to binge on Netflix and forget about COVID-19. This series popped up, and the moment I read the title, my sapiosexual senses were tingled.

- And how was it?

Very good!... until the ending came. ;w;

- Genres & overarching themes?

Genres: Mystery, Thriller, Psychological

Overarching themes: murder mystery, law vs justice, intelligence (as in, the characters are all really smart hahah)

- Plot: 4/5

It could have been a high four, near five if it wasn't for the ending, frankly. The first episode started out with Professor Seo Byung-ju of Hankuk Law School dead, and the spotlight shines on Professor Yang Jong-hoon (the man in the poster above), the first suspect. But was it really him? From then, the mystery unfolds as our favourite study group (who shall be very well elaborated on later in this review) launches itself into investigation for true justice.

The series started out extremely strong in my opinion, with its first few episodes filled with twists and sub-plots that were waiting to get wrapped up. Every episode just leaves you gripping on the sides of your seat in suspense. It really makes you doubt every single person that appeared on-screen and watch out for anything that happens - the show uses the Chekhov's Gun trope really well. As the knots become unravelled, we gain more depth into the characters. However, as we near the end - about two-three episodes for me - the show started to lose its thrust, falling into a comfortable stereotype that made things rather frustrating.

One of the major advantages of Law School, in my opinion, is its ability to twist and turn everything. It prompts the viewers to realize that when the case is really examined in a whole different angle, with more and more evidence coming to light, everything changes. The use of different suspects' stories being told in each episode is a pleasure to watch - the viewers feel like an omniscient judge, overseeing the motives and evidence to draw out a conclusion for themselves on who might be the murderer. The series prompts the viewers to think, which is a trend I really like. It's also interesting to question why characters do certain things they do. Professor Yang Jong-hoon (my favourite character!), for example, is a very... chaotic (haha) character, who keeps on surprising people with his actions - yet, his actions are all elaborate executions of his strategy, a whole plan that he has concocted which accounted for multiple steps ahead, thanks to his extremely sharp vision of what could happen. Thus, it is extremely satisfying when everything falls into place as Yangcrates (a nickname he earned due to his Socratic teaching) explains everything that led up to a particular tense moment where the truth was unveiled.

Yet... this very trope had its downfall near the end. The murderer was so heavily shadowed on in the beginning that the viewers would have expected the murderer to be someone else completely unexpected, a mastermind that pulled the strings behind all the proceedings. Yet, the murderer and the mastermind behind the murder were someone so... I dare say, unimpressive. I mean, this particular 'mastermind' behind the murder fell into so many traps! The murderer was definitely my major disappointment - the villain was a weak character, an unsatisfying antagonist that the intelligent heroes, once having figured who he/she is, didn't even break a sweat to bring to light. The last, final twist that was supposed to be the most glamorous of them all, completely knocking the viewers off their feet, fell completely flat.

Secondly, whilst having a lot of sub-plots still remains a favourite trope of mine as I'd expect everything to wrap up nicely near the end... well, it didn't. Whilst most sub-plots were hastily answered, there was one particular sub-plot which was just left completely unaddressed (for those who have watched it, it's about J****s), and unless they're hinting at a second season where this would be further elaborated on, this was a dead-end sub-plot, a plot with no elaboration or continuation whatsoever.

Overall, the plot was breathtaking in the beginning. It lost momentum very near the end, and wrapped everything up with an anticlimactic last episode.

- Characters: 4.7/5

Definitely the strongest set of characters I've seen in a Korean drama, frankly. All characters were so well utilised, each having their own quirks and flaws which were delightful to watch. Everyone was so, so intelligent, that they honestly were the main fuel to the series, our main stars.

Allow me to first start off with my favourite character, Professor Yang Jong-hoon. Stoic, yet with an extremely savage side that he does not hesitate to show to anyone of any ranks or social standings, Yangcrates carefully plots everything, always thinks, questions, and then thinks even more. Intelligence-wise, this man is most definitely the smartest on-screen persona I've seen in the Korean drama franchise - able to see miles ahead and figure out all the answers down to their root, he is someone that definitely earns all the respect he has, from both his students and viewers alike. Personality-wise, this man is equally interesting as he is smart. With a cold exterior, Yangcrates does not take any bullshit (cue a particularly funny water spitting scene), and does not hold back harsh words to point it out. Yet, underneath this cold exterior is a burning desire to find the absolute truth, which would in turn bring justice to ones who have been wronged (refer to a particular lecture-like speech he made in episode 10), and a passion for teaching his students. He secretly cares for his students a lot, and expresses it in his own way.

Next, our favourite study group - a group of capable, enticing individuals. Firstly, we have Han Joon-hwi, a complex character that always pursues justice and fairness. His intelligence shines through with the way he, firstly, is able to take advantage of his sharp understanding of law into the case, and his careful processing of the evidence he gathers during investigation. Whilst he always keeps a cold head when needed, he has an equally warm heart, genuinely caring for wronged and innocent people. His expressions were all extremely raw and did not feel fake at all - really, props to his actor. More on this later.

Then, we have the two girls - Kang Sol A and Kang Sol B. Don't be fooled by their names - they are very much polar opposites. Whilst Kang Sol A is excitable and wears her heart on her sleeve (sometimes a bit too much), Kang Sol B always keeps a cool head, sometimes taking it to the extreme. I do admit that if I had to pick out of the two, though I love both of them very, very much, I'd probably lean a bit more towards Kang Sol A - even though she definitely gets on my nerves sometimes because of her overload of emotions that could be disruptive, she has her frequent bouts of creativity and "a-ha!" moments that display her underrated intelligence (I'm always soft for underdogs that are underestimated by everyone, only to turn the table on them later). She is also an extremely loyal friend and a very generous individual that isn't afraid to place herself in danger just to help others - overall, a very warm person. Kang Sol B, on the other hand - perhaps due to her family environment - does not really taking other people's emotions into consideration, though I really, really admire her for her intelligence, her ability to always keep a calm head (making her the blue counterpart to Kang Sol A's red), as well as her straightforwardness which has proven many times to be necessary to push the case forward. She does have a soft spot, though - a very adorable one at that. These two make an extremely adorable pair of friends.

My favourite student of the study group must be Seo Ji-ho. I'd say he's a less intimidating version of Kang Sol B hahah - cool and composed, Ji-ho is a reliable member who always pursues logic and reason first. He is also driven to achieve his goal and, like Joon-hwi, utilizes his deep understanding about law very well to solve his own case, his sub-plot. Though his sub-plot eventually was wrapped up as an open ending, it was a nice sub-plot to watch. Not to mention his dynamic with Joon-hwi is very adorable as well - the two really balance each other out.

Other students also have their own quirks and flaws, but for the sake of this review's length, I won't elaborate them as much - but I will say they are all a delight to watch, adding their own personal elements to the overall study group. I will definitely miss this set of characters so, so much. ;-;

- Acting: 4.4/5

Frankly, perhaps because of some K-drama series I have watched, I had a problem with acting in some K-drama series - the actors and actresses did not feel genuine, and they either overacted, pushing their expressions to the extreme, or underacted, simply being way too... stiff (some of my personal favourite actors and actresses so far are Kim Seon-ho, whose theatrical experiences probably really helped with his very natural acting, Jo Jung-seok, and Kim Hye-yoon, an actress who impressed me with both of her most popular series - hope to see her versatility shine through with more diverse roles though). This series, however, is a definite favourite of mine in terms of acting. Firstly, Kim Myung-min is a veteran actor that deserves so much respect - he basically morphed into Yangcrates. I absolutely loved the way he delivered his dialogues - very long ones! - without even so much as taking a breath in between - it was smooth and the flow was excellent.

Kim Beom also became one of my favourite actors after this series - the way he handled his role was so good, his expressions, actions, everything. I noticed that he's very good with his eyes, if that's the right way to put it - he is very good at displaying emotions with them, all emotions ranging from sadness to adoration (towards a particular someone *wink*). It's a top-notch skill, really, and I'm glad to have seen him on-screen. Similarly, Ryu Hye-young impressed me so, so much that I shall add her to my list of favourite actresses as well - I can't spoil, but she is really able at... altering her vibes, yes. She seems to have studied her character really carefully too, being able to bring all Sol A's quirks to real life. Other actors and actresses were amazing, but for me, these three definitely shone.

- Doki moments?

Ah. Definitely some between Sol A and Joon-hwi, as a lot of other people have commented. From the way they tease each other to the way he cares about her every little thing, the way he stares at her, the way his whole demeanor just changes around her and the way she unknowingly influences him so much - they do balance each other out really well, Joonhwi being the cool to Sol A's warm. I do find myself thinking Sol B and Ji-ho would be rather compatible as well (also, them being study rivals in high school? My rivals-to-lovers side is ready).

- Enjoyment: 4/5

Again, could have been higher if it wasn't for the ending! But yes, overall, a whole trip worth embarking on.

- Overall: 4.2/5

Really, could have been higher... but yes, still an excellent show. I just hope they could have had more episodes to really wrap everything up nicely and maybe throw us one final, absolutely ground-breaking twist.

- Watch it or neh?

Yes, please do watch it! And let me know how it goes, too. ;3

#jtbc law school #law school kdrama #kdrama review #kdrama recommendations #kang sol a #han joon hwi #solhwi #kim beom #ryu hye young #yangcrates #kim myung min #kdrama #kdramanetwork #mystery thriller #crime thriller #psychological #mystery series #school life

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juleswolverton-hyde · 4 years ago

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Not by the Moon | 03

Genre: Smut, Romance, Strangers to Lovers, Drama, Tragedy, Werewolf AU, Supernatural AU, Bookshop AU

Pairing: Bookshop keeper!/Werewolf!JB x Reader

Warnings: Mild angst, a sprinkle of jealous werewolf!Jaebeom.

Summary: Every story has a purpose or goal it is dedicated to, their authors at times going to great lengths to see the project they once started to completion. Nevertheless, the things the writers swore on to see their latest art piece to completion are static.

Unchanging.

None of them swore by the Moon nor Love because they can solely genuinely swear on all that changes like themselves.

And yet, a wolf in love foolishly swore by the moon.

That is when Time truly started ticking.

Author’s Note: This chapter is from Jaebeom’s POV.

Previous Chapter / Next chapter

Masterlist

I like being with you.

The phrase vividly repeats itself as I blindly lead us to the park, my head in the clouds. So much so, in fact, she has to stop in her tracks and pull me back because we have walked past the entrance.

“Jaebeom,” she struggles to draw me in, firming her grip on my arm and weakly pulling on it, “we’re here already.”

It takes a second to register what Y/N says, but after a few haphazard glances around to see where we are, it does. “Ah, right.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Nobody’s ever told me that.’’ Like a lovesick puppy, I bite down on my bottom lip. ‘’That they like to be with me, I mean.”

“Surely I’m not the first.”

“I think Jinyoung, a friend, might have said it.” I shrug, resigned in the fact loneliness has been a steady companion.

The packs in the woods rejected me if I didn’t refuse to join them. Too savage, too beastly, too ambitious, too bloodthirsty. Those are the prime reasons I have been on my own, although one in particular resonates in the blurry mess of vague memories.

I am too monstrous.

“But I,” halted in the middle of the gravel path, I turn to her and rest my forehead against hers, “like being with you too.”

Her heartbeat speeds up as her scent gains a floral, roseate undertone. A flush stains her cheeks, the temperature of her body heightened. In a moment’s notice, she has turned into a beautiful spring flower. No, not a flower. Y/N is more than that.

Like a she-wolf in spring.

In season.

That’s what she looks like.

So pretty. Mine.

I have to pull away before I sweep her off her feet and mate her against the first tree we come across. We don’t even need a tree, a simple bed of grass will suffice. After all, I still want her to be comfortable.

“Did... Did you dye your hair?” Flustered, looking like a lobster, the pretty lady pulls away. However, the growl that erupts from the throat as she moves away brings an interesting change to her scent.

A thick heady tone creeps into it, which definitely puts the girl in the other role the other ego wishes her to play.

A bitch in heat.

An image of her looking as she does now but on my bed flashes by. Tears are brimming on her lashes like crystalline raindrops as pearly teeth bite down on a finger in the futile attempt to mute meek high-pitched squeals of pleasure. She’s lying sideways, the soft skin of her leg on my shoulder while my hips lose control in her warmth.

“J- Jaebeom?”

I suck in a sharp breath, though it does not prevent a pleased growl from escaping. My sight grows hazy with the fantasies of instinct as the world falls away. “Yeah?”

“Your hair... Did you dye it? It was blonde before.”

“My... my hair?” The weird question pulls me out of my reverie, blinking in wonder as to where it comes from. Nevertheless, the senses quickly sharpen as I tighten my grip on the reality of my temporary humanity again. “Right, my hair. I did! I did dye it because... because I thought the blonde didn’t suit me.”

“For what it’s worth,” like a shy schoolgirl, Y/N fumbles with her fingers, “I like this better. This is going to sound weird, but it makes you look more like- I mean, it suits you better.”

“Thank you. But what does it make me look like?”

“Never mind.” A dismissive hand brushes the half-finished remark off as a mere mistake.

“What? What do I look like?” I lean forward, barely holding in the chuckle at her crumbling composure. Notwithstanding, apparently this is the most effective way to get her to talk. “Don’t be shy.”

“Like a- You know, a- You’ll think me stuck in some emo or late teenager phase.”

“Just say it, Y/N. I won’t stop pushing until you tell me. I won’t judge you either. So, tell me.”

The word takes my breath away.

“Wolf,” she finally answers. “It makes you look like a wolf.”

I can’t suppress a smile at the compliment, buzzing with excitement and tail swishing back and forth. Wait, it isn’t my tail that’s causing the low sweeping noises.

It’s merely the wind.

Human. Gent... Gentleman. For her. Her gentleman.

“Please say something.” The pretty lady’s heart rate picks up, her scent growing alarmingly anxious like when we had our second meeting on the street.

No. No, don’t be like this!

“Good. I am.”

“What do you mean?” Brows furrowed in confusion, she looks at me blankly.

“What... oh, uhm, I- I think it’s a good ex- mirror. Likeness! It’s a good likeness. Me and a wolf.” I stick up a thumb in confirmation. Hopefully, it won’t come across as ridiculous as I feel I look.

Her eyes light up with the amber sunlight, her voice as bright when she answers with an adorable giggle. “I think you mean a good comparison.”

“I do,” I mutter, ashamed at the faulty imitation of human behaviour and tired of the storm of words wreaking havoc in my head. “That’s what I meant.”

“Shall we go find somewhere to sit?’’ Her hair dances on the light breeze as she looks around. ‘’I’m kinda overdue for a cup of coffee.”

“And food. You have to eat, Y/N.”

“Jaebeom...”

‘’Let me take care of you.” I lean in, gaze focused on her lips as I run my tongue over them. The taste of honey and peaches is reminiscent of spring, when the bees in the forest get busy and the trees in the orchards on the outskirts of the town are ripe with blossom.

If I’m still here by then, I’ll take you there.

Of course, the thought is translated horribly. “Taste nice.”

“I- I’m glad you like my lip balm.” Cheeks as ruby red as the leaves beneath our feet, she carefully traces her mouth, fingers shaking.

Then she clears her throat and tries to steady her composure, but I’ve evidently caught her off-guard. Which is also noticeable in the small tug on my sleeve. “Let’s go.”

“Are you upset?” I ask, keeping a close eye on her as we walk down the lane towards a big open field of grass.

“No, it’s just that... when you licked me earlier, it wasn’t on,” she lowers her voice to a barely audible and unintelligible murmur though my hearing allows me to still hear her as clear as day, “the lips. It’s almost as if, you know, you kiss... kissed me.”

Kiss?

Just then we pass a couple with their lips pressed against each other. The contact lingers for a brief second, as fast as lightning.

And just as fast the meaning of it for humans dawns on me, rising from the ever-diminishing pocket of humanity inside my brain.

“Would you mind if I did?”

Face pale, she rapidly turns to me. Y/N parts her lips to say something yet decides against it and settle for something else. “Let’s start slowly. Get to know each other first.”

I’d kiss you. You only have to ask.

But we barely know each other. Humans who don’t have a close bond don’t kiss. At least that piece of information has stuck.

We take a right onto the big field and settle down in the grass beneath a tall willow. I’d rather have we sit huddled together or that she sits on my lap so I can keep her warm, but Y/N sits next to me yet far enough away to not touch at all. The displeased whimper and whine get lost in the unpacking of the sandwiches, ignored under the ruckus of unfolding paper.

Notwithstanding, the dissatisfaction evaporates like snow before the sun when a small hand gives me the two venison sandwiches. Restraining myself to not give into the hunger pangs, I accept the food as if she were handing me a weapon. A long metal blade. A sword, I believe it’s called.

However, the careful control doesn’t last long since the first taste of the spiced meat encourages the ravenous part of me to devour the sandwich in one gulp, if possible. And I would have tried had it not been for the breathless giggle at my side.

Nibbling on the straw, Y/N has a strangely tender look on her face as she watches me eat. A wonderful expression that colours a rosy shade of pink when she notices I’m staring right back at her. “Sorry. It’s just... just that I like seeing you eat. You literally wolf your food down with such a happy expression I can’t help but feel happy.”

Don’t talk with your mouth full. Jinyoung’s told you that more than once.

Like this morning, when he sighed in exasperation like a tired father during breakfast. Henceforth, I chew the food with my mouth closed, swallow and wipe my mouth on a napkin before answering. “I’m a messy eater, though. I don’t think it’s- What’s the word? Ap- Appetizing? It’s appetizing, right? Right, appetizing to watch.”

“I don’t mind.” Like a rabbit, she holds her vegetable sandwich between her tiny paws and takes a small bite out of it. “Just be careful. You don’t want meat juice and sauce on your clothes.”

Eats like a bunny. Cute. So cute.

“I won’t make a mess,” I murmur, taking care to actually keep my word while sneaking glances at the way she eats. It’s controlled, more nibbling than biting. All the same, relief and contentment mix in a calming way that’s visible in her relaxed composure. Even her scent loses more of the sourness of anxiety. But I’m just glad she’s eating.

We watch other humans as we eat, sitting in comfortable silence. A little ways away, two old people, a male and a female, sit on a bench and feed the pigeons together. Once there is no more bread left - multigrain, judging by the scent - their fingers entwine as they close their eyes to soak up the sunlight.

A soft whine unintentionally rises in my throat, longing after the dream of experiencing that very same moment myself together with Y/N someday.

‘’Are you-?’’ The question doesn’t register, hardly penetrating the dullness washing over me. Ears gloomily drooped down, I continue staring at the old couple.

Can that be us one day? How long is the road before we get there?

‘’JB?’’

‘’Hm?’’ Slowed down by the heaviness making a numb statue out of this body, I turn my head.

She holds the unfinished sandwich up I had in my hand a second ago. ‘’What’s on your mind?’’

‘’Nothing.’’ I take the food from her little paw. ‘’Thank you.’’

She doesn’t believe me, but resigns in the face of the unspoken message I don’t want to talk. Instead, she sighs and sips on the straw of her coffee.

“What do you do?” I ask by the time I’m finished with the first of the two sandwiches. Y/N knows what I do for a living and it’s the best question I can think of to try and get to know her better. Also, it might lift the heavy silence that fell over us until the elderly mates left.

“I’m a journalist for Pack. It’s a travel magazine and a great way to see the world. It’s amazing how much is out there, how many cultures and perspectives exist. However,” hands tucked between her thighs, lashes avert to the ground, “as you may have noticed, I’m not the spontaneous sort, which is why I don’t like working alone.”

Pack? As in, a pack? Although, you said travel so it’s likely... pack stuff? Packing up! That’s it! Putting stuff in bags and going somewhere.

If only it was possible to travel with her someplace far away. Go see the world together so she doesn’t have to be alone. Then again, there is no way to run from myself nor guarantee any form of safety on strange grounds.

I’ve become too unstable.

Despite trying to hide it, the jealousy I have for who she works with shows in the unintentionally venomous ring in my voice. “Who do you work with?”

“A colleague of mine named Kunpimook, but he prefers going by BamBam. He’s the social and truly adventurous one, so basically I just always happily tag along. Plus, his photos are superb. We’ll be leaving for Bruges the day after tomorrow to take a look at the local chocolate business.”

‘’Is there anything between you two? More than work?” There is no way I’m letting another male anywhere near her because he could take advantage of her. Especially after all this time, working together and thus winning her trust.

I don’t care if we barely know each other. I won’t have it.

I have to keep her safe.

As Y/N’s gentleman.

Her wolf.

“There’s nothing between us. He’s more like a brother than anything else and he thinks the same about me.” Her breath quickens as she notices the blazing distrust in my gaze. “W- Why are you looking at me like that?”

Instead of giving an answer, I sniff her to make absolutely certain this other male doesn’t have or has tried already to create the bond with her that I want despite what she said.

Nothing.

Nothing but summer citrus, autumnal blackberries and juicy peaches.

Good.

To calm her down, I lean in to nuzzle the scent glands in her neck while purring and manipulating my own scent to put her at ease. The tenseness in the palms on my shoulders relaxes, her breaths come at a more regular interval and the rigidity flows from her body.

You’re safe with me.

A gentle force pushes me back, growing stronger as I fight it by wrapping my arms around her waist. A low growl erupts as the resistance persists, though it dies down at the sound. I’m not letting her go.

Not now.

Not yet.

Until a voice like a shy robin stammers in discomfort. “Jaebeom, can- can you let go?”

“Have you calmed down?” It’s an unnecessary question.

There’s a better word for it. Sup... supper? No, that’s not it. Super... something with an ‘f’.

Superfluous!

It’s a superfluous question because the nervous shivers have stopped. All the same, I don’t want to let go.

I can’t.

I won’t.

Yet I do as something blurry flashes by in my peripheral vision. Almost bumping my head against her jaw, I jolt up and stare ahead in tender awe.

Free of the troubles of the world, a brightly smiling pup runs by with outstretched chubby paws. A bit ahead, there’s another giddy pup. The two must be chasing each other.

A child.

A child is chasing another child.

“What are you looking at?” She follows my gaze, which is fixated on the two children giggling and play-fighting with each other. They stop when hearing their mother call, rise to their little hind legs and run to her.

“One day, I want pups of my own.” The dreamy words roll off the tongue without a thought nor consideration for reality. What they see is what could be.

A dream of someday.

“Pups?” The word sounds like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit even though she struggles to make it fit regardless.

“Yeah, pups. You know,” I nod in the direction of the two siblings, “like those over there.”

A frown mars her lovely face, but it fades into gentle correction. “Children, JB. They’re called children.”

I tilt my head to the side, struggling to understand and make my own puzzle piece fit. “I’m certain someone’s offspring are called pups.”

“Humans,” she gestures from me to her, “like us, call them children. Babies when they’re younger than those toddlers you were watching.”

“I still think pups sounds better.”

I let go of her. Nevertheless, sust to be sure Y/N stays warm, I hook my arm through hers and keep her against my side. Instinctively, she snuggles up to me like on the way here.

The content sigh goes accompanied with an ironic remark. “Are you really a wolf or something?”

“Yes!” I exclaim, until I check my body and see no paws nor a tail. “No! I mean, no, I’m not. It sounds adorable, though, don’t you think?” I bite my lip, growing warm with another cheesy yet affectionate remark. “But you did say I look like one.”

“I stand by what I said, especially now.” She giggles, murmuring something under her breath I’ll only tolerate when she says it. “Weirdo.”

Yours. Your weirdo. Your wolf man.

“Have you ever thought about getting them?”

“I actually don’t want children. I’m not too keen on the idea of raising a child and I don’t think that will ever change.” Unaware of the gravity of her statement, she sits up a bit, takes a sip of coffee and finishes her half-eaten vegetable sandwich.

Not... not even with me? Then again, you barely know me and I will likely forget you even though I don’t want to. Would you change your mind if the pup might be the only trace of me before I disappear?

“How about you?”

“I’d like to one day, but...” I trail off, choking on the truth. Her words have created a stone in my stomach which makes me nauseous and unable to think.

“But what?” She places a bunny-like paw on my back, rubbing gently as she averts her gaze and speaks in a remorseful tone. “I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”

“I have this...” Fumbling with my fingers, I speak up despite the paralyzing speechlessness. No word seems to accurately describe what’s going on nor is it credible enough to describe the truth. Nevertheless, she has to know what’s going on.

I want her to.

I trust her.

So I try and tell her my story. “I have this condition. I have trouble remembering things and it’s been getting worse.”

“Is it something like dementia?” Out of a lack of a better explanation for this side-effect of lycanthropy, I merely nod in confirmation. A grim paleness colours her attitude, lips pulling into a straight line as she’s now suffocating with words too. “Do you have medication? Anything to help fight it?”

I fish the small bottle of pills Jinyoung gave me this morning out of my pocket. With a thumb over the ingredients, I show it to her. “My friend’s a doctor at the university. He’s put me on these, but I have a feeling they’re not as effective anymore as they once were.” I put the bottle back. “I do want them, though not with the way I am. They deserve better than a father who’d forget them eventually if he even remembers them at all in the first place. Moreover, my partner would have to take care of me as well as the pups. I just… I don’t want to be a burden.”

“I’m sure,” our gazes meet as our fingers entwine, naturally weaving together like beds of moss on the bark of a tree, “they would gladly care if they know about your condition.”

I rest my forehead against hers and lower my voice to a hopeful whimper. “You know about it.”

A mistake.

“We’ve just met.”

“Right,” I murmur and withdraw though I hold on to her paw a little tighter.

She’s right. We’ve just met.

I’m still a stranger. A stranger in a world strange to him.

“Yet,” Y/N takes in a shaky breath before she continues and transforms the burden of loneliness into a storm of butterflies, “I’d stay. For now, can I stay by your side like this?”

“Of course.” In an impulse, I pull her into my arms and on my lap. Her hair smells like argan oil, sweet yet pleasant like summer. “Never doubt that. Never think I don’t want you to.”

Despite the joy, tears sting in my eyes at the realization I’m no longer alone, surviving like a floating ship in unknown waters. Of course, there’s Jinyoung, but he can’t be there in ways the pretty lady can.

Y/N is my anchor now.

“Don’t go.” I can’t suppress an ugly sob, gripped by fear at the vision of ending up alone in spite of the promise. To go back to the way I was, on the brink of being lost forever. “Don’t leave me.”

“I won’t,” she murmurs into my hair, lovingly running her fingers through it to calm me down. “I’m here, Jaebeom. I’m here. Until I can’t anymore.”

For a little while, we sit like this beneath the willow. The world shrinks and fades into a blur of autumn shades in October, its sounds gradually becoming nothing more than indistinguishable white noise.

They rise in volume again when I’ve stopped crying, the reality filtering in by sharpening the song of robins and nature dressed in warm tones of red and gold.

We exchange numbers. As she types hers into my phone, she promises to send me daily reminders to take my medicine and threatens to spam me with them until I send a confirmation. Guess I finally have something to look forward to aside from Jinyoung’s cooking.

Coming back was a good decision after all. I want to try for you. Until I can’t anymore.

“And you can call me whenever you like too,” she shyly remarks as we switch back our devices.

My ears perk up as a delighted buzz leaves me trembling. “Really?” I yelp, my tail quickly swishing back and forth. My nerves are on edge with delight, limbs ready to pounce on her. But I don’t.

Because I am human.

And I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

But your body tells me something else. No! Not without your consent.

“Yes, because I... well, aside from being with you, I like... your... your voice.”

“I like yours.” I lean in and run my tongue over her lips like before. Does that count as a kiss?

“And I like your scent,” I add, purring as I trace my fingers over her arm to her wrist.

“Uhm, Jaebeom, what- what are you doing?”

I press it against my nose, drunkenly nuzzling it while trying to conceal my panting. “I’m scenting you so they’ll know you’re mine.” To strengthen the claim, I leave a stronger imprint of my own scent on her by giving it a firm lick. Even her skin tastes of spring. “You smell really nice.”

“I’m glad you, ah, like my perfume, but,” a strange panic creeps into her voice after a pained squeak when I sink my teeth into her flesh, “JB, I think you should stop. People are watching.”

“Let them.’’ The taste of iron floods the senses, raising the beast within further to the surface. Notwithstanding, I fight the urge to pin her to the ground for a proper mating. So all I do is help the healing by licking the ridged skin of the shallow wound. A wolf’s saliva works as a disinfectant and anti- ant- health advancer. ‘’I want them to know I’m your mate.”

Besides, how else am I supposed to mark you?

“Mate? What? JB, are you okay? You’re starting to make less and less sense.” A small warm palm cups my cheek, initiating a lock of gazes. Frantic with concern, she searches for a reason as to what I’m going through in my gaze though I doubt if she will. “You’re burning up.”

I weave my fingers through those on the side of my face, a wistful smile on my lips. “I’m forgetting myself again. You wouldn’t understand when I’d say I’m slowly fading and not just forgetting as I told you. And it’s gotten worse because of you.”

“Be- Because of me?”

“It’s not a bad thing.” To assure her it’s not as grave as she thinks, I close my eyes and hum in pure content. After all, I could lose my humanity a lot faster in a less pleasant way. At least it’ll be slower now that I have something to fight, to live for. “You don’t understand the significance of it and I don’t want you to.”

“You’re talking nonsense. You’re not going anywhere soon. Let’s go home before your fever gets any worse.”

Our fingers disentangle, mine gliding over the indentation I’ve left behind on her wrist before I wrap my arms around her waist. Her heart races in my ear when I rest my head on the softness of her breasts, her breath falling still in an instant when I place her hand on my head. Hopefully, Y/N will catch on to what I mean by it. “Yeah, it’s definitely getting worse, but I looked forward to this. This park outing. So can we please stay like this for a little longer? A nap might make me feel... bet... ter.”

The wish is granted, because she runs her hand through my hair. Hesitantly at first, but quickly setting a pace for herself that lets me rest tranquilly.

In the sky above, the moon looks down on us. If I wasn’t sleepy, I would howl to it and sing a wolf song. Instead, I purr and bask in my mate’s presence until I lose conscience. “Hm, nice.”

I love you and always will. My love will never change. I swear so by the moon.

#GOT7 #GOT7 smut #Jaebeom #Im Jaebeom #GOT7 x Reader #Werewolf AU #Jaebeom x Reader #Werewolf!Jaebeom

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