#not to the extent it was today
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not caring too much about a fandom’s favourite guy is the worst. you’ll think “oh i’ll look into the tag see if anything new and cool’s there” and it’s just that fucking guy again
#this is about astarion. gale to an extent too#had this with dragonage too because 80% of the time it was just solas or cullen. who i dont care for too much#and i do LIKE astarion and gale. But my favourites are the girls and wyll#something i had less with the dao cast because i generally also like the popular guys of that one alistair and zev#but then it’s like. ‘do you guys even understand these characters’#da2 i dont care for anders dragonage all that much. Fenris i do LIKE and he’s my fav guy. but i dont care for them the most#sorry for complain posting. Went into a tag today if you couldnt tell#roscoe rambles
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silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:
context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA
(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)
#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#<- not big ones but the convo this stems from occurs on 3rd floor before king act 2 so#cw hospital#cw stroke#<- brief stroke talk in the clip thats why#odile i am so sorry for making u deal with the fact that i cant read#or just input words?? where there arent any??? i dont know why i do that????#these streams have made me realize i sometimes just autofill words when reading SAFADDA#also random side headcanon i was thinking of while drawing this#is odile speaks alot with her hands?#idk why i just think its fun?#and kinda makes sense as someone who has travelled a lot thru different countries?#personal observation but you can convey/tell a lot without knowing a much of a different language via body language#as someone who grew up with family who spoke a different language that i do not speak LMAO#especially hands!! those say a lot!!#reading body langauge/tone helped me a lot when guessing if what was being talked about a good thing or not#tho tone to a lesser extent since uh it can be hard to tell at times i think ASDFDA#so it makes sense to me???#the art of pointing in general location is a universal skill i think?? yea#to a lesser extent i think siffrin might do this? but more subdued/under the cloak so#the cloak ends up getting in the way 90% of the time so no one can actually see that lmao#okay tag talk over#no stream time today because weather boooooo storms
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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The thing abt john winchester is that he is too complex for the majority of the spn fandom and for a good portion of the writers on the show too.
Because at his core john is about love over everything else. When he looks up at his sons (yes, up, the fact that they’re both taller than him>>>>>), there is love seeping achingly from every single pore of his being even as he abuses them, as he destroys their souls beyond belief. He does it all entirely out of love. And he is so, so wrong for it. A part of him knows it. But he wants to keep dean alive, and he wants to keep Sam pure. And he loves them so much. And he damages them so horribly. John Winchester is the foundation upon which they are both built, they only become more of what he made them as the series goes on. Sam stops fighting it, Dean continues to mold into his image no matter how hard he tries to fight it.
Hell puts them both on steroids, but their individual trauma responses that influence this are the foundations that John built into them. No wonder azazel wanted sam to win so badly. John Winchester crafted his sons into alastair and Lucifer’s ideal victims, respectively, and dean was a better (worse) john than John ever was. John held out in hell. Dean acquiesced to his abuser despite all of his efforts to fight him, and he’s never been the same since.
Sam fought like hell, and he fought destiny, but at his core, he did what John always wanted him to by doing what dean wanted him to do, and then he stops fighting at all, loses the fire he showed john in adolescence that john immediately notices when he returns in s14.
And the sad thing is. They filled their roles so well that John is saddened by what they’ve become. He didn’t want dean to break. He didn’t want Sam to be dimmed. He’s sad to see what Sam is like in s14. In the process of recovering his wife, he ensured he would mold his sons into what he wanted them to be, and when he got what he wanted, he was devastated.
John Winchester is so driven by love and grief and he’s so filled to the brim with both that it’s painful to watch him on screen because he destroyed his family because of it. And he wanted this all along but he didn’t realize what he’d have to give up to get it.
#supernatural#john winchester#sam winchester#dean winchester#my meta#honestly the thing is#if john had survived past s2#I don’t think he would get the hate he receives today#bc the thing is. jdms portrayal is ridiculously complex and beautiful#that when the majority of people write him they lose all his nuance#the fact that John was gone more than he was there immensely damaged his rep in the eyes of the fandom#I think if John were alive for longer he would get similar treatment to dean#both narratively and fandom perception wise#he already does to some extent amongst some people#he’s an excellent complex character#but people can’t handle complex#that man is an abuser#that man also loves more deeply than anyone#you know who also fits those descriptors?#dean#and look how fandom views him
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you win. try again?
#homestuck#home2t4ck#hom3stuck#dave strider#bro strider#beta bro#abuse#blood#admin draws#fanart#uhh i dont usually say this but please dont tag as ship lmao#i usually live and let live but this is a domestic abuse situation. i wouldnt really be cool with that.#that out of the way. so many thoughts about these 2#its like. bro is a bad guardian right. hes just more than shit at it.#but it never felt to me like it was malicious. hes doing irreparable damage but its something he thinks is necessary#or is unaware of the extent of it. either way.#i feel like in this situation he'd be proud of his little bro. lil guy did something impressive after all.#who cares that he himself got hurt for it. like even tho he might realize this is upsetting for dave. he might hope that its vindicating#but its not. dave is just horrified. because its just violence#defeating the villain and being the hero doesnt feel good. it never has#OUGHGHG anyways i drew more. today it felt like pulling teeth but i have too many ideas and theyre getting otu on the canvas one way#or another
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Nyagito, Hinyata, and Nyanyami!
#my art#sdr2#hajime hinata#日向創#nagito komaeda#狛枝凪斗#chiaki nanami#七海千秋#Nyan Nyan Nyan#I tried to see if I could draw it in an hour.#I think I managed it to some extent thanks to the fact that I had drawn it about ten times in my head.#I couldn't get this composition out of my head ever since I thought it would soon be Cat Day.#Despite the fact that I have many other ideas I want to draw and many more in the process of being drawn!#Anyway I'm glad I managed to draw this today.#Happy Cat Day!
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i feel like my life is falling apart and then my friend makes tiramisu and gives me some and asks if i wanna come to the little gathering on wednesday i feel alone in the world and then another friend asks if i want anything i feel unloveable and then we gather in my room with candles and blankets to watch a film all together until midnight it all becomes so much warmer w friends
#i feel like it'll all be nothing and then over a call he says his friends are proud of me. it all feels too messy to fix and she says she#believes in me . theres a layer of seperation between everything and then she puts her hands through mine. we listen to music together#they drag me to the gym. he carries my bag when the groceries are too heavy. she says she has a special ringtone#for when i call her so she knows to answer. and she asks me for advice and tells me about the girl hes seeing and#were about to put a coffee table in the living room i ask if they want tea#we need to buy more throw pillows and blankets. the mattress we have for guests is used often#sometimes i get tunnel vision but i have reasons to be happy#and im rly grateful#i was in bed today feeling so horribly guilty about having to take an extention and my professor sent an email hoping that i was and to tell#him when i feel better etc. and said hed send a recording of the lecture for me . it like#moved me so much that i started remembering all the lovely thibgs#anyway i havent slept#im grateful for the extension but i alrdy pulled the all nighter djdh ok lecture at 4pm we can sleep until like...2pm
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fun fact when tak initially shows up in the classroom after cautiously going "hi, my name's tak" you can see her check the room for reactions and only start smiling moving on more confidently to "i'm new here" after none of those reactions are suspicion
#i lied about no new posts today. realized i hadn't put up this autism moment on my blog before#it could be overanalysis but honestly i do think they animated her microexpressions very well throughout the ep#to demonstrate the difference between her performed disguise behavior and her actual genuine behavior peeking through to varying extents
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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house’s cane is grotesquely underutilised sexual style in fanfics considering that 1) it’s a long phallic object that he is constantly handling and 2) he straight up joked about fucking wilson with it that one time
#I mean that’s not even my thing personally but like cmon#sick of fanfics where house’s disability is magically healed/not mentioned/ignored to an unrealistic extent#it’s not about what you can do for the infarction so much as what it can do for YOU#it makes me wonder if we all watched the same show#I watched house slam a man against the wall and hold him there by the cane to his throat and I was never the same#house md#hilson#house/wilson#gregory house#james wilson#greg house#hatecrimes md#hornyposting#oh also don’t forget the time wilson grabbed it in that deleted scene as a power move. insanity#I was at the national portrait gallery today and I saw a painting of a king w/ his sceptor and I had a Realization#idc if it’s cringe... a big stick is simply an evolved packer. that shit is HOT
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PSA for all drivers in the city of Chicago! There are red octagonal signs at a lot of intersections with the word STOP on them- when you see these signs, that means you should try and use this fun pedal next to the gas called the "brakes" and not attempt vehicular manslaughter with every pedestrian you see! There are also large lights at some intersection- when the top light, the red one, is lit, that means the same thing.
once we master this skill, we can talk about a cool trick for signaling to people (including pedestrians trying to cross the street) that you're going to turn. This tool might be a little tougher to find if you've got a BMW, Audi, or Lexus, but we can find a way to work one-on-one to make sure you can use it. However, it's also important that we learn how to not use it when we're not turning.
#almost got run over like twice today and I'm a bit ticked off!#if you signal that you are going to turn#and you start to turn#you should not SLAM the wheel the other way and FLOOR IT straight through the intersection that I'm starting to walk through#and if you are turning#even if you are turning right!#you should slow your car down to some extent at least#and not try to run over pedestrians who have a walk light#anyways Chicago and Pittsburgh unite bc I don't know how people who live in places where you don't say 'jagoff' deal with bad drivers#like it's just the most satisfying word when faced with certain flavors of bad driving
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I have Words to Say about disabled characters in Proseka but I'm especially kind of... Eeh about Saki, because of how perfect she is.
I've talked about this before but Saki is just not allowed, by the narrative, to be flawed. We have some very, very brief moments of anger or lashing out from her (NSNF, Doll Festival in particular), but aside from that Saki is just... So cliché and surface-level regarding her disability. That especially reflects in how the writers handled her relationship with Leo/need.
Yes, she is not angry at her friends for, let's call it what it was, abandoning her (besides Ichika). She is not upset with them or feels betrayed by them. She just forgives them for doing that because she's a good friend and that kind of person, to not dwell on the past and just look forward. She's only really upset at her illness, rate, and herself.
Do you know how shitty of a story that is to sell to disabled people? Oh look, this character suffered a lot and then their friends just stopped visiting them at some point! But no big deal though, they're all good! She doesn't hold a grudge against them so it's actually totally understandable and fine and you should look up to that attitude.
Sure, Saki isn't upset with Honami and Shiho. My point is that she fucking should be. I know their reasons and I don't care about them; what they did is shitty and I hate how the story just moved on from that and we never confront that again and probably won't. Why the hell not? It would make for an interesting conflict and story. It would make Saki an absolutely stunning character, and reflect many of our struggles with loving and caring for people that don't understand us and don't stand with us. Why do we have a story we do now, where Shiho and Honami's fuck up only bothers them but not the person they hurt?
Oh wait, I know the answer: because god forbid disabled characters be anything than inspiration porn.
#jay rambles.txt#jay pjsk critical.txt#Souma actually suffers from the same issue#but less than Saki to an extent. he feels so much more realistic to me#and I want to say this: Shiho and Saki are my favourite Leo/need characters. I'm not being a hater for the sake of it#but they're still not real people. they are vessels to sell a story and tell a narrative and I'm fully within my rights#to criticise said narrative and story and how it portrays (or doesn't) some things#I appreciate all ooc Saki writers because honestly sometimes it makes more sense for her be ooc in the right direction#Saki is just not good disability representation. she is - at best - there for diversity points#in other words: I'm bitter because my joints hurt today and someone touched my sore spot with pjsk lol
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the “use it or loose it” maxim with language learning is so real and to some extent sucks so bad
#I think to some extent you caaaan get some of it back#but I’m feeling the effects of not using Spanish at all for a couple months. Need to sit down and formally read a bit in Spanish today
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Writing is both the best and the worst feeling in the world.
I can’t talk about what’s eating me up unless it’s in the form of a story. Because. Spoilers.
#You’re telling me that of ALL the things that returned my inspiration to some extent#It was DOKHEE !?!?!?#I can’t even explain remotely why because it’s massive spoilers#I don’t even talk about dokhee why them#Doksang helped too#Who are these people and what’s with these dynamics and for characters I don’t understand they sure were in character trust me#Writers block disappeared for today what the hell#Spyjh I am channeling you!!!!
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2.08 IT CHOOSES | 1.03 THE DOLLHOUSE
#yellowjackets#yellowjacketsedit#mistynat#mistynatedit#otp: you should be thanking me#otp#parallel*#i love parallels#inverseparallel*#mine#edit#*#tag meta#meta#wordles#HI HELLO I AM HAVING FEEEEEEELINGS ABOUT THIS TODAY#~#feeling particularly crazy about 1) the fact that misty stays more hands-off in the dollhouse; it's like she's learned more about how#she needs to handle nat - that forcing her is necessary to an extent but that it made a seed of resentment when they were kids#so misty knows better now to give nat a little bit of space and guide her instead of tackle her#(i am once again Thinking about misty treating nat like a bird!!!)#so instead of holding nat back in gif two - where misty runs toward her in 97 - misty lets her go and just watches after her#and 2) NAT PUSHING MISTY AWAY HURTS SO MUCH MORE NOW#because she didn't in 97 - when they were kids nat let misty hold her back let misty justify why she needed to let javi go and then focused#her anger about that inward at herself. but in the dollhouse nat pushes misty away!! she's turning inward again but she's letting her anger#out a little at misty! and misty takes it!! misty is her knight and it is her job to protect her queen and she tried to do that#until the very end
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Well, I think it's time I officially take a stance here and say that I do NOT support or approve of the use of AI to generate fanfic, fanart, or those shitty videos that use the VA's likenesses for a dumb joke. I've never seen such rampant use of AI in any fandom before, and it's honestly making me a little bit sick. I never thought I'd have to do this because I truly thought it was common sense but I guess I was wrong.
You want to make a fic? Then sit your ass at your desk and use your brain and come up with the words yourself. You want to make a picture? Then pick up a god damned pencil and draw it yourself, lazy ass. You want to make a video? Make the voiceover yourself or use clips from the game, I promise it's literally funnier that way. Stop feeding REAL PEOPLE'S voices into machines without their knowledge or consent for a cheap laugh. Like... the fuck??
Do y'all not know how amazing it feels to make something with your own hands? Even if it doesn't live up to how you imagined it, creating is such a satisfying and beautiful process on its own. Why would you rob yourself of that feeling in the first place? I don't get it, man.
If you are shitting out AI-generated slop onto my feeds, I will block you so, so fast. Do me a favor and block me first though so I don't have to see that crap. Peace. ✌️
#lads#love and deepspace#sry to be so incendiary today but im genuinely mad that i keep seeing this shit#and like i said. i have NEVER been in a fandom that uses AI to such an extent before.#can only assume (hope) that most are kids who just havent finished cooking the meat in their brain yet but DAMN#im TIRED!!!!!
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