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soft-pine · 1 month ago

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okay so @monstermoviedean is watching s14 rn and her takes are god tier!!! and you should all go read her blog please!

but it just makes me want to talk about lebanon/14.13 so much! like it really is one of my favorite episodes of spn. which is crazy i know because i truly hate john with every fiber of my being but i think this episode reveals so much about him & dean's relationship with him with delicious subtly!

and i've yapped at random on twitter about this but i want to gather all my thoughts in one place.

dean's relationship with john is The most important relationship in spn that i'm interested in unpacking. (i am normal and fine and this has nothing to do with my own issues)

i think for some people who understand john as abusive, it is frustrating and jarring to see him come back after so many years and just be kinda nice. especially given that dean has just finally started to talk to his family about some of the bad things john did.

i maintain that dean has been pretty clear with cas and like random strangers that his dad was shitty. but in 14.11, he tells mary the winchester surprise story. while he doesn't frame the story as truly a critique of john, it is a contrast to his quiet silence and pained expression after newly-resurrected mary says john was a good father in 12.02. in 14.12, dean opens up to sam about how when john was pissed off at dean, he would send him away. this is a stark new light on dean's comments from 7.14 where he apologizes to sam for sometimes "ditching him" when they were kids. sam quickly shuts down dean's apology in 14.12 and subsequent discussion about dean's regrets and feelings about john. but since sam's shift in his opinion about john in 2.02, dean pretty consistently keeps his criticism to himself in front of sam so this is a marked change. and the very next episode script draft includes the infamous "probably pulled the wide-eye hitchhiker routine. dad made me do it all the time on hunts. as bait." so, given the episodes and revelations that bookend 14.13, it's understandable how hard it is to see john and dean interact at all.

but i think it's perfect! because it so clearly shows every truth of their relationship.

firstly, we can look at who john apologizes to. in 1.16, 1.20, and 14.13 john is reunited with sam & dean after time apart. and in all three episodes, he apologizes and/or works to make amends with sam for their fractured relationship. in fact, in 14.13, it's a mention of the winchester surprise that triggers john's apology to sam.

in contrast, the only time john apologizes to dean for his childhood is 2.01 when he says sorry for making dean always have to look after him and sam. and then promptly asks him to kill sam if he has to.

it's crushing to me that at no point does john see the way he treated dean as anything to make amends for. instead, in 1.21 and 14.13, he frames dean not "having a home" or "having a family," "a normal life" as circumstances outside his control or as somehow dean's choice. and yet, john is entirely responsible. he is the one moving dean from school to school, getting him into credit card fraud, taking him on hunts. in 12.09 it's established that dean has as long arrest/warrant record which includes things we never see him getting arrested for in canonical spn. he is the one who always said hunting was temporary (6.02) and yet never allowed for a way out. so even though john's affect is kinder, we know he isn't meaningfully taking accountability for a huge amount of his actions.

it's the reason for the kinder affect we can look at next. because what is one of the most common indicators of abusive dynamics? treating people differently in public vs private. and critically for almost all of 14.13, mary is observing john. and we know that despite their marital problems (5.16), she considered him a good father. he doesn't know that the life he forced sam and dean into is the very worst thing she could have imagined for her children (4.03), but we can tell from his apologies to sam that john is at least aware of things he did which he regrets.

before mary arrives, he is giving sam and dean orders, "You boys better tell me what the hell is going on right now." i recognize he's very disoriented but this affect disappears entirely after mary shows up. i cannot overstate how much i love how not stern and harsh john is here because it shows that he could have always chosen to be like that. but there weren't negative consequences (a wife who might be angry with him) to face.

i've said before that i think one of the reasons that john kept sam & dean away from hunter gatherings and meeting other hunters (2.03, 12.06) is because hunters they met might have acted exactly how dean acts to krissy's dad in 7.11 and told him to quit. the hunters/community john did maintain relationships with were sometimes kinda shitty people - Deacon (2.19), Travis (4.04), Martin (8.09). not that Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim, Bill Harvell, Daniel Elkin were necessarily like that but I do think its worth looking at who John's friends who he didn't have a falling-out with were. Like Fred Jones who gave Sam & Dean their first beers when they weren't even 10 (8.08).

some other details about that first reunion kitchen conversation that always stick out to me are john finishing the drink dean pours for him while dean & sam barely touch theirs. it's also significant to me that dean tells mary in 12.01 that john died to save him. but here, he tells john that he died taking out yellow-eyes (which is literally not what happened. like specifically he died by making a deal with azazel). dean, always working to deescalate and maintain the peace, instantly clocks which thing they will each find more soothing to hear.

one thing that i see people often critique is the idea that john coming back is somehow the thing dean wished for the most. but what dean actually says is that this is something he's wanted since he was four years old. so it's really not about john back at all. john died when dean was 27. but mary died when dean was four. and that cause nearly every hard, traumatic, awful thing in dean's life. to some extent, i think it was about wanting john to have mary back. throughout dean's entire life, john used the loss of mary as an excuse for how he acted and what he made dean & sam do. so of course what dean wants most is... for that not to have happened.

and this brings my to my second favorite part of the episode. but you'll only catch if you're paying attention. dean says he's thrilled to have john back and yet at every chance he gets, he leaves the room john's in. he leaves the kitchen when john reunites with mary. dean gets the grocery list from mary while john has a tearful apology with sam. dean talks to john again only because he has to tell him about the pearl but then leaves to help cook. after dinner, he goes to do the dishes. dean really is not actually trying to spend time with john - even when they get a deadline for when their time with him is over, dean is not trying to make the most of it. and god i love him for that.

i sympathize with people who are frustrated to see dean fall back into the role of caretaker for john's emotions and wellbeing. and i agree but i appreciate that it is very clear that's what's happening. he's performing the role he's always been forced to perform. he may be more aware of it as a performance this time. he may be taking more steps to remove himself from having to interact with john. but i would almost feel worse if he wasn't getting john a drink, doing what he said, going on little errands, cooking, cleaning up. john says "You want to give your mom a hand?" and of course he goes.

i think dean always has held both deep hurt from and empathy for john and this episode is full of both of them. and while i think it's always hard to hear dean slip back into those moments of empathy (8.12 is always rough for me), it's so real that's where he would be sometimes. so much of being a child who's made responsible for your parent's emotions means that there is such a deep part of you that wants to protect them from harm.

i personally think the song "til it shines" by bob seger is an insane choice to play over their dinner scene. because, though that's not the part of the song that plays, the lines "Take the chip off of my shoulder. Smooth out all the lines. Take me out among the rustling pines, till it shines, ah, till it shines" always strike me as trying to see something through rose-tinted glasses in a way. or maybe acknowledging the performative, white-washing that's being done?

anyway, i understand why people want dean to have a cathartic yelling session with john. but honestly im not sure that would ever sit right with me. i think honestly 14.13 is kind of perfect. john comes back and it proves everything. john could always be kind (he took you to a freaking baseball game (4.19)). he could always apologize. he always did say he wanted the boys to get out of hunting but never even tried to make it happen.

and that brings me to my favorite part of the episode. my darling. my baby. my treasure. dean says, "i have a family." and what that means to him is his own. he gets to keep it. he gets to mean it without john's scrutiny. without him tearing it apart. the conversation sam & dean have over dishes is another deeply meaningful part. dean specifically rejects the idea of telling john the truth about any of it - even if it would change things. because he's good with who he is. "Cause our lives – they’re ours."

this matters so much to me because i don't think dean's healing can ever be contingent on john - not on his reaction, not on finally telling him the truth, not on john getting comeuppance for all the shit he did, not even on changing the past so john has more information because the critical thing that 14.13 and 4.19 show is that john literally did not do the best he could. so what could change that?

in the kitchen, dean tells sam that he blamed john for "the longest time". do you understand how much it means to me to hear him say that?! because i think of course blaming john is the first step! dean was hurt and he was angry about that and he should be!

but dean's healing can't just stop there. while i know there will be moments as he heals where he's angry with john again, the beautiful core of dean's healing i see in 14.13 is him being clear on where the boundary of him and his wants, goals, needs, and priorities are vs john's. i think a lot of dean's young relationship with john was him being forced to keep parts of himself (the parts that didn't like to hunt for example) secret out of shame and necessity. but here, i don't think dean is carrying that shame anymore. he is very clear on how what he wants from his life differs from what john would want but dean sticks to his own values. he has a family. he's good with who he is. it's just none of john's goddamn business.

anyway, as always mitski says it best....

plus we get two of THE MOST shots of dean's face of all time for me!!! like my god stabbing me would hurt less!!!

plus! PLUS!! CHERRY ON TOP!!! LOOK AT THESE NOOOOOODLES

in conclusion. your honor, i love her.

#14.13 lebanon #14.13 #damn i should have been posting on tumblr alllll along #twitter is so short compared to this #and boy do i love to yap #dean & john #spn meta #i understand i am doing a bit of a restorative reading of this #on purpose #and there are other readings which are totally possible #and make me sadder #but i like this one #dean studies

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hearthouses · 2 months ago

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happy wincest wednesday!! do you think it's just a continuity error that dean claims they haven't spoken in 2 years in the pilot?

Short answer: no, I don't.

If it was a continuity error, it wouldn't happen more than once. Dean also mentions it in Dead in the Water.

Do I think that maybe the writers don't know how to do math? Possibly. When Dean comes to get Sam, he's most likely just starting his senior year, which would be when he'd be applying to grad schools and doing interviews, so technically it would only have been roughly around three years, not four or two.

But I do think the fact they use it twice within the scripts two different episodes is significant, so I tend to lean towards two years was intentional and I believe it also makes emotional sense. When you watch the pilot, they come off like exes who had a bad breakup and they're using the fight between John and Sam as the excuse for not talking. There's a lot of energy under the surface that feels like there was a specific fracture between the two of them that had little to do with John and Sam leaving, and their own personal anger and resentment towards each other. Dean is very specific about never bothering or asking Sam for things in two years, which to me, feels weird for their dynamic (Dean is often the provider, and they don't fully fall into their equal dynamic until they go through their S1 journey).

Laying all that out, my most persistent headcanon is that Dean must have shown up some time in Sam's freshman year needing help and things spiraled from there. I love the idea of a Stanford era affair because I think Sam specifically never wanted to leave Dean behind, but was also too scared to ask Dean to come with him, and I think Dean would have trouble resisting stopping in and interacting with Sam, but he would need an excuse of some sort. I love how they miscommunicate because of their own internalized fears about how the other would react: Sam is too scared to push and ask Dean to stay with him because knowing Dean wouldn't tears him up inside and Dean is too scared to stay and fuck up what he thinks Sam wants—which is a normal, regular person life. The angst of the era is delicious and they’re never going to effectively talk about it, so it becomes this thing between them that grows along with the time and distance.

#wincest wednesday #wincest #sam x dean #samdean #replies!#alaynestone #have a random ancient ask answer

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pagannatural · 8 months ago

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2.08 Crossroad Blues

-Absolute classic. Sam’s bossy ass saying Dean’s notoriety means they have to be more careful now, Dean flirting by calling him “you innocent, harmless young man you.�� Sam feels overshadowed, or maybe he just wants them to be mentioned as a pair.

-Dean doesn’t want to help people who made demon deals, because he feels they’ve brought this on themselves. Sam notices that Dean is being weird about this when normally saving people is his jam. Sam notes this red flag in Dean’s behavior.

Something I just realized is that Sam didn’t seem to be this observant with John. Dean knows both John and Sam well but in different ways. He learned how to read John but he can sense Sam like a part of himself. Did Sam not learn how to read John? Did he not have to because understanding Dean was more central to his world and wellbeing? He looked up to Dean and trusted that they could take care of each other. This is part of what makes the dynamic between the three of them so striking. Sam didn’t seem to have that slight fear of John that Dean did, that comes from trying really hard to predict what a parent will say or do next.

-Dean kicks in the front door when Evan locks it, leads the way inside, and goes to kick in the office doors but Sam stops him by grabbing his leg

which leaves him sort of leaning into Dean and holding his leg. Sam then opens the door because it was unlocked. I love this moment because it shows how close they are that Sam feels comfortable intercepting him physically and knew right away what Dean was going to do. It also shows Sam’s role in their relationship tempering Dean’s brute-force reactions, helping him slow down.

-Dean tells Evan unsympathetically “I think you did it for yourself so you wouldn’t have to live without her.”

This episode is so complex when you watch it in context. Right now Dean is mad at John for saving his life because he feels guilty, and because he was brought back to a world heavy with the crushing weight of his father’s absence and horrifying last edict.

But John most certainly didn’t bring Dean back because he didn’t want to live without him—John died right away. This is Dean contemplating bringing John back because he really needs his dad right now. He’s exhausted and he’s confused and he doesn’t know what to do about Sam and the responsibility is killing him. He looked up to John and thought he had all the answers. The temptation to make a deal and bring him back is ripe.

And then— we know that actually Dean would sell his soul for someone just like Evan did, like John did—someone he would rather die than live without, someone he loves with a desperation similar to Evan’s love for his wife. That person is Sam. Dean doesn’t realize this yet.

-Sam can tell what’s going through Dean’s head and becomes worried and scared, asking him not to go to the crossroads demon right now because “I don’t like where your head’s at.” He’s incredulous.

Dean argues “You’re not allowed to say no, Sammy, not unless you got a better idea.” This sounds like it’s one of their rules for hunting. They’ll try the next best idea whatever that may be because doing something is better than doing nothing.

Sam says “Dean you can forget it, alright. I’m not letting you summon that demon.” He’s being SO protective. Dean will do whatever Sam says unless Sam says Don’t go do something dangerous.

Sam tries to make Dean stay.

They talk about the likelihood that John made a similar deal, and Dean swallows and says “what if he did? What if he struck a deal? My life for his soul.” He waits for Sam’s reply, and seems truly afraid of what Sam will say, like Sam would say John shouldn’t have done that.

Sam gives him this look that’s got some fire in it, some conviction. Maybe he’s mad at Dean for his self-hatred.

Sometimes I forget that at this point in the story, Sam has almost lost Dean twice. Both times Sam was willing to do anything to get Dean back. He finally has his big brother back after years apart, and he is no longer in a position to really be able to go back to his normal life. He needs Dean, and he chose Dean. I don’t want to come across like Sam doesn’t care about John because genuinely I think it’s made clear that he does, but it is very much supported by the text that Sam would rather have Dean back even with John in hell than lose Dean. He told Dean that he’s the only one who’s always been there for him, he trusts Dean, he feels loved and protected by Dean, and when Dean and John were both in peril he went to Dean.

But we don’t get to find out what Sam would say to Dean’s question, because they’re interrupted. Sam unhappily watches Dean go.

-This whole scene where the crossroads demon offers to bring John back in exchange for Dean’s soul is so, so beautifully acted by Jensen. Dean’s plan all along is to trap the demon and exorcise her, and if he’s going to follow through, he can’t make that deal. He wants to. He feels guilty enough about John’s soul burning in hell for him forever, on top of his grief. When she finally steps into the trap he looks like he might cry. It worked, he moves forward with his plan without taking the deal offered. Why doesn’t he? It’s not what his dad would’ve wanted, obviously, and it’s not what Sam wants. Sam was explicitly worried about Dean making the deal and told him not to go. But I think it’s mostly that Dean hates demons. He makes quite a few sexual jokes this episode and talks about hitting on the front desk girl at animal control, but when the demon kisses him to seal their deal, he doesn’t even make a lascivious joke, he’s just disgusted—and the demon is possessing a beautiful woman who’s his type. His hatred for demons is personal. Demons quite literally killed his parents, ruined his life, and are mysteriously targeting and trying to corrupt his baby brother. They represent that black and white pure evil that he wants to salt and burn from the earth. So his feelings make sense.

-Dean talks about the way John died while he and Sam drive away. Dean doesn’t understand yet, what could make someone sell their soul to a demon.

I don’t think he has entertained the idea of what he would do if Sam died. The king of denial just won’t let it enter his brain.

Sam understands, though. He answers Dean really softly.

This is logical to Sam. He wanted John to prove he gave a shit about Dean, and he did. John did something right, and even though it makes Dean feel guilty, Sam would rather have a guilt-stricken Dean than no Dean.

#samdean #supernatural #spn meta #wincest #spn 2x08

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bi-bard · 25 days ago

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Scrapbooks - Bobby Singer Imagine [Supernatural/Criminal Minds Crossover]

Title: Scrapbooks

Pairing: Father Figure!Bobby Singer & Winchester!Reader

Word Count: 824 words

Warning(s): mention of John Winchester, unhealthy family dynamic

Summary: [During Season 1] (Y/n)'s reconnection with their brothers leads to them wanting to rebuild some old bridges.

Author's Note: Y'all remember this oc? The one that started as a joke but then became a serious thing that allowed me to talk about found family/trauma bonds/etc.? I remembered it.

Also, this story is kind of a sister story to this part of this oc. Wanted to compare similar events ;)

Dude. The Bobby gifs are disappointing, not gonna lie.

More of this OC!

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After I found out that Sam was out hunting again, I found myself calling him a lot more.

I don't know what I wanted to be for him. I don't know if I wanted to protect him or if I just wanted to make sure he knew that I could help him escape that life if he needed to.

I always knew that Sam was the best of us.

He deserved more than the hand he had been dealt. I don't think he ever knew that or would ever believe it if someone said it to him, but it was true.

He had fought so hard for some kind of normal life.

Maybe I just wanted him to know that there was a door to one.

Sometimes I wondered why I didn't do the same thing for Dean. I think that I wanted him to be what I had tried to be for Sam. I wanted him to be there. To support me in running away from that life. I wanted to know that he never hated me for it. But I couldn't believe that.

I knew that my dad had gotten into Dean's head more than Sam's. I knew that I was called selfish and cowardly and ungrateful. I knew that if I ever had to look my dad in the eye again, he would see nothing more than a traitor. I knew that he would do anything to convince Dean that I was one.

There weren't many connections in the hunting world that I felt guilty about losing. So many of them were purely professional or momentary.

My brothers were obviously an exception.

And so was Bobby Singer.

He had been the first person I talked to when I realized that I didn't want to be a hunter anymore. I sat on his couch while my brothers were upstairs. I cried and begged for some solution or forgiveness or just anything.

He just handed me a wad of cash and said that when I ran, I needed to run like Hell was at my heels.

I didn't call him after that night.

I think I just wanted to make sure that my dad wouldn't be pissed at him for what I did. Bobby had done enough to protect me. It was my turn to protect him.

It took some time after reconnecting with my brothers for me to ask Sam for Bobby's number.

He chuckled at first, jokingly asking "Which one?"

"Whatever one will get me an answer," I replied simply.

I scribbled down the number I was given before giving Sam a quick goodbye and hanging up.

I stared down at my phone as if I was waiting for the number to dial itself. It didn't matter how many deep breaths I took. I was still just as nervous as before.

"Fuck it," I mumbled, rapidly dialing the number.

It rang a few times before I was met with a very familiar, very gruff voice. "Agent Kayser."

"Hey, Bobby," I said.

"Who is this?"

"It's... It's (Y/n)... (Y/n) Winchester." I held my breath for a moment, tears welling in my eyes as I waited for him to hang up the phone. He didn't. "I... I know that I'm probably one of the last people that you wanna hear from-"

"Shut the hell up," he snapped at me. "Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you to call me?"

I let out a breathy chuckle, letting my head fall forward.

"Dammit, kid, you just about scared the life out of me when you ran off," he continued. "Didn't have your number. Didn't have a clue where you went. You popped up in the paper a few years ago. Hold on a second."

I heard some ruffling in the background.

"I started keeping track of the articles that mentioned you," he explained. "Got 'em all here in a scrapbook. Saving kids and stopping some real bastards."

I wiped my eyes. "You kept them?"

"Of course I did! Are you kidding?"

"I guess... I guess I just assumed that you hated me."

"What, because you didn't want to be a hunter anymore? Kid, I'm not that much of an ass."

I chuckled.

"Listen," he said. "I don't know how much time off you get with that big FBI gig, but... I have an extra room for whenever you need it."

"I would really like that," I replied. "I've missed you."

"Missed you too, kid," he muttered. "Try not to go years without calling this time."

"I'll do my best."

Hanging up was almost bittersweet. I had established contact. That was good. But ending the conversation made my heart drop slightly. I knew how quickly each of our lives could change. Every phone call could be the last.

But all I could do was take a deep breath and push that thought away.

I didn't have time to think like that.

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Everything - @geeksareunique

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#fanfiction #imagine #x reader #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds crossover #supernatural crossover #bobby singer imagine #bobby singer fanfiction #bobby singer x reader

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retromotherfuckers · 3 months ago

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When The Sun Sets - Part 5

What To Say

Characters:

morgan winchester (OC), dean winchester (his POV), sam winchester, john winchester, will mciver (OC) & bobby singer (mentioned)

Summary:

There was no part of Dean that could excuse his failure to act, his inability to keep them safe. They were all he had, and he'd fucked up so bad that one was gone.

Warnings (for entire story):

SPN typical violence, so so much suppressing of emotions, vague mention of SA, depiction of torture, a very pro-torture main character, murder, vague mention of not eating for a while, parental abuse, slight suicidal ideation, SPN typical alcohol abuse, spoiler warning up to the end of season 10, following canon stops after the end of season 2 but things are sure to be mentioned

Word Count:

3.1k ~ roughly

A/N:

so this came to me in the shower lol. i literally sat down and wrote it right then and there. i ended up being in there for hours so don't ask about the water bill.

this being part 5 kinda doesn't sit right with me but it also doesn't fit as a standalone either

i'm not really sure where to take this story after this so lmk if there's more you want to see, also if the pov is confusing. and i kinda wanna write a sam pov but i just relate more to dean so it's way easier for me to write him

this is basically a character study/relationship dynamic of dean and morgan

dean: 36, morgan: 35 (her body is 27), sam: 32

Dean Winchester wasn't proud of a lot of the things he'd done. But he took immense pride in his family and what they did. His father raised them as soldiers, and with the way of the world, it was necessary. He taught them how to shoot with such a pristine accuracy they could probably best a lifelong sharpshooter. He taught them to punch, how to aim, and get the most force out of it.

When he was six, he learned about the creatures that lurked in the dark. And how his dad was someone who fought them. About how his dad was a hero, which was why they had to stay with their uncle most of the time.

By the time he was eight, Dean slept with a silver knife under his pillow and a shotgun between him and his siblings. By ten, his dad gave him a .45. By thirteen, they stopped staying with Uncle Bobby, and Dean was officially in charge at all times.

And by nineteen, he had successfully taken out several monsters by himself.

"You know you're good at the job when you can take 'em out on your own," his dad would say afterward. It was his real introduction to the family business. He held his father's words like a Purple Heart, nearly floating on the praise for weeks.

Even with the accomplishment, he couldn't stop feeling like his siblings were the shining lights of the family. This world ruined him and his father, but they were still young enough to enjoy it.

Sam had only been fifteen, but he was one of the smartest people Dean had ever met. He never really understood why Sam loved fantastical stories and books so much, even if it paid off in the end. That kid was a genius researcher who could find just about anything if you gave him the right materials. And if he needed to find the right materials, he did.

He wasn't just book smart, though. He was probably the most intelligent member of his family when it came to emotions and all that crap. Sam was always the first one to try to resolve a fight with words instead of fists, even though Dean and his father were apes who didn't seem to care.

And his little sister was one of the kindest. She was only a year younger than he, but she walked the earth like a being sent from above. Sure, they had their fights - and, fuck, there were a lot of them, now that he thought about it - but she always found some way to forgive him. Especially when he didn't deserve it.

Morgan took care of them. In every way, shape and form. Somehow, she anticipated what they needed before they knew it themselves. Whether that be a bowl of hot soup, a fight, or a bottle of jack, she always knew. Sam and their father would never stop fighting, and while Dean would nearly freeze, unsure which side to take, she would stay neutral and diffuse the situation. Or, if that didn't work, she'd take that hit for Sam.

Dean would panic when they fought. He always saw both sides. Sam: the kid, pissed off about his overly strict father that never let him have any freedom. John: the dad, pissed off that his son didn't understand how easy it was to get killed.

He knew why their father treated them the way he did. They needed to be taught how to handle themselves against anything, no matter the circumstances.

"The day you trust another hunter is the day you get killed."

He trusted his siblings with his life. Even if they hadn't gone on hunts alone yet, he knew they'd protect his life with their own if it came down to it. But that would never happen. Dean wouldn't let it if it killed him.

When he was twenty-six, John died to save him. And part of him was numb to it, the death and all. Death was just a Tuesday to him. But this was his father, and another part of him was devastated. His father taught him almost everything he knew, cleaned up every single mess, and made sure Dean knew what he did.

The last part - an ugly fucking part - was glad. His father was a great man, but he was so damn obsessed with the demon that killed their mother. Any chance Dean had at a childhood was stripped away from him at four years old. He was the oldest, so John made sure he stepped up. Sam and Morgan would die if he didn't.

The night his mother died was the night his father became his drill sergeant, and his siblings became his to protect.

He remembered a lot of that night. The fire, the smoke, baby Sammy completely unaware of what was going on around him, and Morgan screaming in terror because she didn't understand what was going on. Dean was little, too, and he didn't completely understand either, but he knew he had to keep them safe.

"That's your job, Dean." His father told him when he was seven. "You're the only one who can do it when I'm not here."

Then, when Dean was twenty-eight, his sister would die for their younger brother. There had never been a day in which he didn't hate himself for it. It should've been him, but Morgan was faster. And he would never forgive himself for it.

Hunters died young. He'd known that all his life, but he never thought he'd outlive his siblings. There was no part of him that could excuse his failure to act, his inability to keep them safe. They were all he had, and he'd fucked up so bad that one was gone.

Even if they'd been pitted against each other their whole lives. Who was a better shot, who threw the more damaging punch, who drew the knife faster. He might've been the one that won in their father's eyes, and at the time, it had meant everything. But now, it all seemed so useless. He wanted to go back and knock some damn sense into himself.

He went over more of the memories. When he gave Morgan his old knife for her birthday, and when he ripped it away from her because he was angry about something he didn't even remember. When she beat him at one of John's exercises and he swung at her. When she didn't fight back. When she started going out with Will and their father beat the shit out of the two of them. When he beat Will up for putting his hand on his little sister's ass and she did fight back.

He remembered when their father died and how Morgan didn't say a word to him. She had just sat and waited for him to go to her because she knew pushing him wasn't the way to get him to talk. He didn't say much at first, but she's the only one he told about that ugly part of him.

"Dad was a fucking dick," she had said, her eyes watering and voice cracking. Her words had given him the freedom to actually take a breath. He was the first to say something awful about their father after he died, but Morgan wouldn't let him think he was the only one thinking it. "And we deserved better than him."

That night, he was able to sleep for the first time in days.

He also remembered when Sam and their father had the worst fight of their lives. Their father went to hit Sam, something he rarely did. And this time, instead of taking it, Sam dodged it and sent one flying back.

Dean had been stuck watching. He agreed with his father that Sam would be safer with them than alone at college. But he also didn't want Sam to hate his life. And if school would make him happy, he wasn't really against it. Morgan was the one who stepped up, physically pulling Sam back and taking the inevitable swing their father had meant for the youngest.

"Enough!" She had yelled at both of them, wiping away the blood dripping down her cheek from their father's ring. It had snapped Dean out of his reverie, and all three of the men in the room stared at her with wide eyes. "Dad, go for a drive or something-"

"This is none of your-"

"I. Don't. Care." Morgan had been seething, and Dean had never heard such a tone used with their father. Every word was a sentence so dark and menacing chills crept up his spine. "Get. Out."

Something in their father's face had changed as she told him to go. Like he had finally realized she wasn't the girl who used to cling to his leg when she wanted him to hold her. He could see the hunter he burned into her, an unwavering and unforgiving warrior who would bleed something dry if it meant saving a few lives.

So, with a final snarl, John left, and she immediately turned to Sam. She softened her voice a little, but her glare hadn't changed. He hadn't seen his sister that angry since the incident with Will. "Take a shower. And chill the fuck out."

"But-"

"Sam." She didn't have to say anything else. "I'm not kidding."

It was an order, and Morgan never gave them orders. Dean did sometimes if he was following their father's command, but Morgan had taken charge, as she usually had done during times like these.

When everything started to break.

Sam didn't argue with her after that.

It was then that Dean realized he was heaving. He just couldn't catch his breath. It was all falling apart, but so was he. His younger brother wanted to leave them, and even if he said it wasn't personal, Dean could only take it that way. And Sam would be in so much danger if he went to school. By himself, in one place, who knows what could have happened? The school could've been haunted, or there could be werewolves or vampires or-

"Dean," Morgan had said, shocking him away from his train of thought. Her voice was way more delicate. It was almost like she was talking to a frightened animal rather than her older brother. "Count to ten."

His breath was shaky and his head was moving from the left to the right in quick, jerky movements. He tried to get the word out, one. It was easy. He knew how to count to ten, for fuck's sake. But it was stuck on his tongue, and his tongue was stuck to the bottom of his jaw.

"Hey, it's okay," she soothed him, holding up her hands to display her fingers. How she had noticed his panic in the midst of everything going on around them, he had no idea. But she always saw those things. "I'll do it first, then we'll do it together."

That was just Morgan.

Dean's brother was half of his reason for living, but his sister was the other.

And now, at thirty-six, he had Morgan back. She looked the same as she did the last time he saw her alive. Her skin was smooth and a little bit tan. Her hair was that same dirty blonde he remembered so well. Her chin was sharp like their father's, but her nose was small like their mother's.

Dean had always been jealous of Morgan's eyes. He looked at himself and saw his father; he looked at his sister and saw his mother. Almond-shaped and blue with a green ring around the pupil. The earth and the sky had collided to give their mother her eyes. And Morgan was blessed with them, too.

And when he wanted nothing more than to talk to Mary, Morgan was the hardest person to look at. He wished it wasn't true, but he let himself resent her for it.

But now, they were so different.

Morgan was, by no means, unscathed by the life. He had seen it, the way her eyes dimmed throughout her life. And he was sure she saw his do the same. Dean knew he looked his age, but his sister's body was still twenty-seven, so why did she look older than him? Why did she look like she had fought in two wars?

It was a stupid question to think, and he knew that. And he knew the answer to it, but it was still jarring.

They were gray and brown, not blue and green. Maybe it was the dim lighting, but Dean knew better. He was in the pit for six months or sixty years - whatever time measurement he wanted to go by at the moment - and he had it on good authority that he wasn't the same when he came back.

Dean watched Morgan watch Sam as he undid the iron shackles binding her to the chair. He stepped back after freeing her, presumably giving her a moment to get control of her bearings. She closed and opened her fist like she was regaining guardianship of her motor functions. She was clearly confused as she gazed around the room, her brow furrowing at the unfamiliar walls. Then her eyes traveled back to Sam, and she seemed even more perplexed.

"How old are you?"

Dean wasn't too shocked at the question; Sam had become a man since the last time Morgan had seen him. He hadn't gotten taller, but as his hair got longer, his features sharpened, and he grew into himself. He looked nothing like the him Morgan remembered. He looked more like himself as a kid back then.

"Thirty-two," Sam said. His voice was quiet, but it wasn't his usual tone. It was the voice he used when hunting, and he had to rescue someone. Temperate and resonant, like he wasn't a monster hunter.

"Sammy grew up. We both did," Dean quipped, making his voice way lighter than he felt. He took a few steps closer to her until he was just behind the youngest. He nodded to their brother conspiratorally. "Him more than me."

She didn't know what to say; Dean knew that, and he wouldn't force her. Her pale, anxious face turned to him at his words, and she stared at her older brother. He heard her mumble, but he didn't know what she said. He saw his sister doing the calculation in her head, realizing how long it had truly been for them. He knew how long it had been for him, and six months was nearly sixty years in Hell time.

He had no desire to do that math.

"Eight years?" She rasped out, her voice hoarse like she hadn't used it that whole time. "That's it?"

Apparently, not knowing the right thing to say was a family trait.

The eldest Winchester was stuck staring at her. Her blonde hair he had almost forgotten, her rough and slightly metallic voice, his mother's eyes. He had never thought he'd hear or see any of them ever again. She was practically skin and bone - something that concerned him. It seemed her demon alter-ego had forgotten that humans needed to eat and wasn't feeding her. It probably wasn't letting her sleep either. Her face was the same one he had remembered so well, but this version was so gaunt and exhausted.

He was tempted to carry her into a room and put her to bed like she was little again. She needed rest; there was no doubt about that. And he'd let her sleep for days if she didn't look like she'd starve.

When Morgan tried to get up, she stumbled. Dean shot a hand out to catch her by the waist out of reflex, and she breathed out in relief. It looked like she could barely stand.

"Hey, kid," Dean greeted, his words gentle and affectionate. She used to hate it when he called her a kid. She was only a year younger than him, after all, and when they were teenagers, it pissed her off to no end. He kept doing it as they became adults, partially to patronize her, partially to mess with her in good fun. But he had never said it like that. This time, he was calling her the most endearing version of her name. "Good to see you."

Even so, he knew that he hadn't reached it. There were no words he could say to express what he was truly feeling: relief, regret, sadness, happiness, anger. None of it was right. He had just missed his little sister.

She didn't push him when he ignored her question. His non-answer answered enough. He looked at Sam, and saw his little brother's wet eyes with an apologetic smile on his lips. He realized their expressions were probably identical. Morgan's eyes moved back and forth between her brothers. This time, Dean noticed the unshed tears in them.

So he did the only thing he could think of: he pulled her in.

He drew her in so fast she almost lost her footing, but Dean would keep her upright without a second thought. His arms completely enveloped the whole of her, fierce and protective, like she'd slip away if he let go. She didn't have a lot of strength, but he knew she was putting all of her muscle into squeezing him right back. He could feel his shirt getting damp from her tears, and he buried his face in her hair to breathe in her scent.

It was so familiar, yet so different. Morgan used to smell like her favorite shampoo and conditioner, lavender and bergamot. But now she had a hue of citrus to her, with the remains of sulfur. It unsettled him.

Dean let go when she drew back, but it was the last thing he wanted to do. Then he acknowledged Sam, who was waiting to hold his big sister again. He delicately let the support of his sister pass to his youngest brother, and their embrace was just as intense. Sam didn't look like he was ready to let this moment end, but he had to when she pulled away.

She looked like she wanted to say something, but Morgan's mouth kept opening and closing repeatedly like she couldn't find the words. Join the club, he thought.

But it was still Morgan.

And Dean would never let anything happen to her again, even if he didn't know how to say it.

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kickingitwithkirk · 8 months ago

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Winchester's Folly

Summary: When Dean gets into trouble John decides to hide the truth for his family

Word Count: 888

*Dark! Fic-don't continue if you are disturbed by the subject matter

Warnings: A/B/O, non/con elements , dub/con elements, enslavement, pandemic, non/con drug use, collaring/leashing, forced mating, forced breeding, BDSM elements, show-level violence

*Additional warnings to be added

*Square filled: @spnabobingo - Alpha Challenging Alpha

A/N: * UPDATED 3/24

A/N II: Still working on reigning myself in, keeping each part reader-friendly length, and have no clue how many parts this will end up being.

A/N III: a few notes about designations in A/O sub-genders for this story.

Alphas-Dominant (head of the pack/family) Subordinate (obey Dominant) Breeders (rare & highly coveted by the government. Can challenge Dominant for pack/family leadership)

Omegas -Domestic (mostly wiped out by plague, few natural born left) Feral (government-supplied breeders sold commonly called O's) House O’s (3rd generation+ Feral/Dominant breed. Used as servants/sex workers) Pack (rare & highly coveted by the government)

*Divider by @firefly-graphics

*No Beta-all mistakes are mine

GIF by antiquerss

Part II

“Dean's preference of type doesn’t matter, but I want one under eighteen.”

Sam’s head snapped up in shock. That wasn’t the plan; John was specific that O should be older than Dean and preowned, making them cheaper to repurchase. “Dad, why are you wanting…?” John cut him off with a low growl, provoking Sam’s inner wolf to reciprocate, neither noticing Helms studying their interaction with interest.

Alpha Winchester can’t wholly control this beauty like the other one. The boss will be pleased to learn about these developments.

“A House O would normally do on paper,” Helms interrupts, “But I know this judge, they will not be satisfied with that alone.” Both Winchesters have matching, confused expressions, and he continues before John can ask what that means.

“The judge will require that I follow the statutes in Hibbins and your pack's unusual dynamics: three virile, unmated Alphas with no permanent abode, residing whatever. House O’s have a breed down to need stability, so a Pack Omega would be ideal even if they're as scarce as Phoenix and need the right connections, but there's your social standing.” That remark made Sam snort. It wasn’t the first time someone had mentioned their social standing, not so slyly code for a dirt-poor pack.

“I have a few in the preferred age range we could negotiate over, but I suspect you won’t allow your Subordinate to breed them. The judge probably will consider that a deal breaker. The best option is an altered pre-owned Feral. And fortunate for you, I’ve recently acquired a selection from a fire sale. This way, gentlemen.”

Dean's wolf whines, watching his pack move farther into the building. At the same time, he can only stand there, as ordered, and observe these unfortunate creatures bartered over as the livestock society considers them. His Alpha knew it would eat at his ingrained, perpetual guilt and is part of the repentance he has to endure because, once vexed, John Winchester never forgave or forgot.

Sam's inner wolf was getting more unquiet the longer they were in this den of iniquity. He knew the only reason John wanted him near was an additional jab at Dean to emphasize his failures. Fuck, he hated their Alpha using Dean's guilt against himself whenever displeased. Sam couldn’t see Dean from where they were, getting pissed that John was now only focusing on a couple of O’s that’d caught his interest.

Sam instinctually knew she was all wrong and, without realizing it, started vocalizing his displeasure. “What’s your problem now?” John barked at him. “They’re undoubtedly your type, sir,” Sam replied with his usual bluntness that made John's jaw clench, grudgingly reflecting on his youngest observation.

As the Dominant Alpha of his pack, John ultimately decided how they functioned, including mating. He cringed internally, remembering the drinking confession inadvertently made to Sam shortly after he presented.

It was a typical night when John was around.

Sam was sitting at the kitchen table finishing up some calculus homework. At the same time, John, sprawled on a couch, hovering between drunk and passed-out drunk, started talking about his mother.

Mary used to say three-year-old Dean was a handful, and now about to whelp again; it was too much for an Alpha herself to handle not having the instincts. She insisted John procure a House O to wet nurse the new pup because after extending the nursing of Dean, she wasn’t willing to do that again. John told her they couldn’t afford one, and Mary retorted if they had one, they could hatefuck their anger out on the O instead of John leaving.

Sams revolted learning that the mother he never knew, one his brother practically worshiped, had wanted to purchase a House O to raise her litter and use them as a fuckslave to keep her mate happy and at home. When John started drunkenly lauding the pleasurable attributes of an Omegas natural slick pussy versus female Alphas, Sam grabbed Dean's CD player, pumped up the volume, and pretended to be working until John eventually passed out.

Shoving the books into his backpack, Sam retreated to their shared bedroom and retrieved the cobbled-together black-market laptop Dean secretly got him. Firing it up, he began researching the history of Omegas, the Hibbins Procurement Act, eventually going down the rabbit hole, finding blogs about how the effort to repopulate Omegas became perverted over the decades and obscure provisions secretly added during extension reviews that the government schools omitted felt his meager dinner about to reappear and bolted for the toilet.

Dean came rolling later, finding the laptop open on the bed, and immediately started worrying. His brother never left it out when their dad was around, followed the scent of sickness to find Sam lying on the bath floor, looking like he’d picked up an illness. Dean cleans him up, then tucks Sam into bed, diligently watching over him the rest of the night.

Surveying the area for hidden trouble, Sam catches an irresistible scent. His inner wolf hurls itself frantically against its cage of skin and bone, growling home home home in his mind. Flicking an eye towards his Alpha, whom Helms had distracted by another O. Without a second thought, Sam follows the wolf’s instincts, slowly backs towards the door left ajar, and slips through unnoticed.

Part III

SPN TAGS: @donnaintx @lyarr24 @flamencodiva @lassie-bird @nancymcl @spnbaby-67 @leigh70

Sam/Jared: @idreamofplaid

Dean/Jensen: @thoughts-and-funnies @stoneyggirl2 @beabutterfly987 @smoothdogsgirl

WF: @slamminmine @ladysparkles78 @deans-spinster-witch @ilovetaquitosmmmm

#winchester's folly 3/24 update #dean x reader x sam #winchester's folly #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #dystopia #dean x reader #sam x reader #supernatural #spn au #a/b/o #abo dynamics #alpha dean winchester #alpha sam winchester

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creatorofarcadia · 1 year ago

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I know I’ve already banged on about Sam and Dean’s childhood, but it consumes me so lets mention it again - specifically the idea of favouritism this time.

I think it’s pretty obvious that Dean thinks Sam was the favourite, what with the pointed comment from Azazel about John showing Sam more concern, in addition to later S03 E10 “Sam he loved” comments.

But I can’t see Sam perceiving things the same way. Dean is the obedient son, the perfect, trusted soldier, of course he’s the favourite in Sam’s eyes. Sam is a ‘freak’ whose thoughts aren’t worth knowing and he was at the centre of his mothers death. I think this perspective would solidify further after John’s death and the reveal he knew about the demon blood. I especially don’t think it helps that at the exact time John’s sacrificing his soul to save one son, he’s contemplating killing the other.

Most interesting to me personally though, is that I actually don’t think it matters who’s right. They both suffer the emotional impact of believing they’re the inferior son regardless. But more than that, being the favourite in an abusive family dynamic is NOT a good thing, it doesn’t spare you, it just changes the shape of the abuse you endure and it’s absolutely crucial that this is acknowledged, regardless of who you personally believe the favourite is.

For example, if you view Dean as the favourite, you could very easily suggest that it comes with the price of making it much harder for Dean to recognise something is wrong. John, while authoritarian, doesn’t get into explosive, obvious fights with Dean. In this scenario, John’s favouritism makes his insults less obvious, barbs hidden amongst commands and thus much easier to brush off as acceptable. It’s much easier to ignore a sly comment than a screamed insult, thus it takes Dean much longer to accept that something is amiss.

In contrast, if you view Sam as the favourite, you could argue this results in John being completely unable to handle it when his rose-tinted view of Sam is challenged; leading him to oust Sam when he dares to go to Stanford.

My point is, what’s so tragic about the Winchesters and the idea of ‘the favoured son’, is no matter how you slice it - whether you focus on the boys perception or the reality of who John preferred, nobody wins.

#sam winchester #supernatural #dean winchester #john winchester #spn #spn analysis #spn meta

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godstielcult · 2 years ago

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How Childhood Abuse and Trauma Affected Dean Winchester in Adulthood in Supernatural

Supernatural was a television series that spanned fifteen years from 2005 to 2020 created by Eric Kripke that premiered on The WB, now known as The CW (“Supernatural”). Kripke took inspiration from his own life by making family the prime aspect of Supernatural since family was a central part in his upbringing while also incorporating elements of classic Americana from Jack Kerouac’s On the Road and Neil Gaiman’s American Gods and supernatural lore (Rome). The show, Supernatural, followed the brothers Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean Winchester (Jensen Ackles) as they continued in their father’s footsteps hunting monsters, creatures, deities, and a multitude of other things that went bump in the night while also attempting to stop the next apocalypse. On top of diving into lore from diverse cultures, religions, and the occult, Supernatural at its heart focused on familial bonds and dynamics. When looking at the central characters of the show, it is evident that Dean Winchester struggles with copious amounts of trauma from his childhood and adolescent years that he still carries onto well into his adulthood (“Supernatural”).

Early Childhood

The first episode of the series is where most of Dean’s trauma stems from. In the flashback from “Pilot,” Dean is around four years old while Sam is six months old. In the flashback, their parents, John and Mary Winchester, put them both down for the night before they themselves head to bed after Dean says goodnight to his little brother. They both part ways with Mary sleeping in what is their bedroom and John sleeping in the easy chair downstairs, which signifies their already strained and far from perfect marriage that Dean mentions in “Dark Side of the Moon.,” before Mary stirs out from her slumber, hearing Sam’s cries from the baby monitor. When she goes to check on him, she notices a tall figure in the room that she assumes is her husband before heading downstairs to turn off the television that is still on. There she finds John fast asleep in the easy chair. After the realization that there is a stranger in Sam’s room, Mary races to the nursery where she is murdered and set aflame by the yellow eyed demon after John enters the nursery from hearing his wife’s screams. After the fire breaks out, John hands Dean his brother and tells him to get out of the house while he attempts to save Mary before leaving the house himself and joining his children as they watch their old life fade away into the flames of the fire.

The death of his mother to Dean is the first traumatic event he vividly experiences. Her death is not only traumatic to him by the close relationship they had, but also with it shattering the sense of safety, security, and love he had felt and experienced before that night. This event is the result of other traumas in his life, such as forcing him to grow up quickly to become a caregiver to his brother, exposing him the harsh realities of poverty, and having to emotionally support his father through his trauma of losing his wife and the horrors that came with the new life John thrusted them into. This event results in Dean experiencing parentification, abuse and neglect, and mental illness.

Parentification is the result of forcing children to take on adult roles that they are not well suited to handle. Children can become parentified if one of their parents were neglected or abused, they abuse different substances, or a traumatic event has happened. There are two types of parentification: instrumental and emotional. Instrumental parentification happens when a child is instructed to do certain tasks, which are not age appropriate for them, by their parent. This includes and is not limited to taking care of younger siblings and providing for the family in some way. Emotional parentification happens when the parent of the child expects them to fulfill their emotional needs. Examples of this behavior can be parents ranting about their marital problems to their children. This form of abuse is constant throughout the entirety of Dean’s childhood (Lewis).

In Supernatural, Dean experienced parentification constantly during his upbringing, even before Mary’s death and John throwing them into the hunting life. The first time the audience sees Dean subject to this is in “Dark Side of the Moon.” After John calls Mary, during the time he moved out for a few days after one of their previous spats, Dean comforts and tends to the emotional needs of his mother after seeing the look on her face after hanging up the phone (“Dark Side of the Moon”). This scene singlehandedly shows the parentification of Dean with him comforting his mother, when she most needed it, after the conversation she had with her husband due to him emotionally tearing her down rather than fulfilling her emotionally. Dean, his son, had to take that place to clean up his mess and provide his mother with the emotional fulfillment she needed (Lewis). Parentification is displayed throughout the episode “Something Wicked.” In “Something Wicked,” Sam and Dean investigate an old case their father had left behind for them, that brings back painful memories from when Dean was a child. When John was hunting the shtriga, a type of witch, Dean was left alone to look after his little brother to make sure nothing would harm him while John was out. This included Dean being responsible for a sawed-off shotgun in case something would attack Sam while his father was gone when he was around eight years old. Being the typical kid, he eventually became bored of just hanging around in the dingy motel room they were staying at and decided to stretch his legs and grab a soda before returning to the room where he finds his father killing the witch before yelling at him and blaming him for not being there to protect his brother when he was only a kid (“Something Wicked”). Despite him being just a child when this occurred, John blames and continues to blame him for this for years for not being there to take care of his brother when it is not his responsibility to be taking care of and parenting a child when he is only a child himself. This brings to light that Dean never really had a childhood or was a kid when he was growing up with having to be there to take care of his brother at a small age as well as both of his parents, which John mentions in the episode “In My Time of Dying.” John states that on the first hunts he went on, he would come back a mess from what he had seen on his most recent hunt. However, Dean was the one that was always there to comfort him and emotionally fulfill him, which gets into more of the emotional parentification from his father that Dean experienced as a small child (“In My Time of Dying”). Through the use of parentification in the show, it is clear that Sam and Dean were neglected as young children.

In the episode “Dead in the Water,” Sam and Dean investigate a series of unnatural drownings from Lake Manitoc in Wisconsin. While investigating what could be the cause of all the drownings, they pose as wildlife officers and ask the sheriff and several other people about what has happened in the town to cause something of this destruction. When asking the sheriff peculiar questions about the drownings, they meet the sheriff’s daughter and grandson. Upon getting acquainted with the two, they find out Andrea’s husband was one of the victims and her mute son Lucas was the one that saw what happened to his father and communicates to others using drawings. By the end of the episode, the brothers find out Andrea’s father and one of the drowned victims kept a secret from them about a boy they knew and had inevitably drowned from their involvement, which resulted in the young boy becoming a vengeful spirit to right wrongs of the past and make them feel what his mother had to go through emotionally with his death. In this episode, Dean opens up about the night his mother died to Lucas to give him someone who understood what he was feeling and thinking that he himself was not granted when his mother passed. Also in this episode, the audience finds out that much like Lucas, Dean also had trouble communicating after the death of his mother, which John documents in his hunting journal. (“Dead in the Water”) Dean’s mutism after the death of his mother could be a result of trying to repress the memory and avoid reliving that night.

Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis and talk therapy, is credited with his proposed theory of defense mechanisms. Most of his work is discredited by most psychologists except for defense mechanisms and his three stems of the mind known as the id, ego, and superego, which psychologists that take a psychodynamic approach in their field accept without believing in Freud’s motivational drive caused by aggression and sex. The defense mechanisms include repression, regression, reaction formation, projection, rationalization, displacement, sublimation, and denial. Regression refers retreating to a former stage of development, according to Freud this would be regression of the psychosexual stages (Meyers 557-563). This perspective shifts as the Neo-Freudians believe in different motivational drives compared to Freud’s sexual and aggressive based one. According to Karen Horney, the motivational drive is people’s desires for love and security. Looking at her perspective when looking at the defense mechanisms as a whole can be the result of wanting to be perceived favorably to obtain that love and security (Meyers 565-566). In Supernatural, regression occurs in the episode “Dead in the Water” as a result of Dean regressing in his development by becoming mute after the death of his mother to avoid as much anxiety surrounding the and to avoid becoming a burden to his father by having to take care of his emotional needs. Repression also ties into this with Dean avoiding and repressing what happened to his mother by not talking about it with not having the luxury to talk about this major change in his life due to him having to fulfill those needs for his father (Meyers 557-563).

In the episode “A Very Supernatural Christmas,” Sam and Dean investigate a series of murders that involve people being dragged through the chimney with hardly a trace left behind. In the season this episode is in, Dean sells his soul to save his brother’s life. This causes him to want to celebrate one last Christmas before his soul is dragged all the way to Hell by the hellhounds. Throughout this episode, flashbacks of Sam and Dean celebrating Christmas when they were children occur and contradict the Norman Rockwell Christmas Dean dreams of having as a last hurrah. Due to John’s neglect, both Sam and Dean were never granted the commercialized Christmas, but made do on their own (“A Very Supernatural Christmas”). This is also due to Sam and dean living in poverty. Evidence has proven that poverty is related to child abuse and neglect. The effects of poverty can also be transferred to children in that situation due to it affecting their parents and caretakers. Fathers in families affected by poverty tend to be less emotionally involved in their children’s lives, which can have a drastic effect to be much worse with the greater persistence of poverty (Leverich 72-74) This affects Dean and his brother with their father being more emotionally distant and physically distant from them. This also affects them with not being provided with adequate living conditions with living in ran down motels and the backseat of their father’s car when heading to the next hunt. Their living conditions have also lacked with them being able to access nutritional food and also hardly any food at some times.

Childhood trauma is the result of experiencing either different forms of abuse or living through a traumatic event. Exposure to such things can constitute in the child’s developmental level being affected and cause them to experience problems. Such problems this can cause is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) (Loggings). PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is triggered by traumatic events reoccurrence in the mind, which can cause people to have nightmares, be socially withdrawn, jumpy, anxious, feel numb, or have insomnia that is recurrent for four weeks or more after the inciting event to the trauma (Meyers 664).

In Supernatural, Dean experiences the loss of his mother due to mysterious causes and circumstances in the episode “Pilot,” but his response to her death and how it affected him is not brought up until “Dead in the Water.” Dean’s response to her passing away was to close himself off from everyone he knew by not communicating in any way with others, including his brother and his father. This lack of social interaction that was unusual compared to before her death signifies a disturbance that causes daily functioning to be more difficult for him. The disturbance of behavior in his daily life then, displays a psychological disorder from the interruption it causes him in his life to experience (Meyers 651). Dean most likely experiences PTSD due to the event and things surrounding it making him irritable and jumpy as seen in “Home.” In “Home,” Sam and Dean visit the place where they grew up and the place where they lost their mother because Sam had a vision in which another woman died in what used to be their home. Dean is reluctant to go back with the events that took place the last time they were there, and he tries to avoid anything he possibly could relating to his mother and the house while still trying to help the woman that could be doomed to face the same fate his mother had. When around the house and when taking about his mother, he is jumpy and wants to move on from the subject and leave the place as soon as he can. This makes it more likely that he has PTSD rather than another anxiety disorder because his trigger is specific and rather than general like most anxiety disorders.

Adolescence

The inadequacy Dean feels from his father’s abuse in his early childhood builds in this stage of his life. In Beyond Bruises: The Truth about Teens and Abuse, children that experience abuse begin to believe the remarks they hear from their parental figures and soon come to feel like they are inadequate. Due to this, children begin to see themselves as their abuser sees them instead of understanding what they are like and how they feel themselves. When this happens children may make up a false persona to distract from what happened to them and to get some fulfillment that they are not receiving at home (Gordon 63). In the episode “After School Special,” Sam and Dean return to Truman High School, one of the many schools mentioned in flashbacks throughout the series with their nomadic lifestyle surrounded by hunting, to work a case after a student drowns another student and claims she was possessed and did not have control over her body when the drowning occurred. The brothers go undercover as school employees to discover the ghost of Sam’s bully at the school has been terrorizing the school. Business as usual, they purify and burn the remains for the spirit to pass on. During the flashbacks from this episode, Dean in his time at that high school portrayed himself as a womanizer and has his fair share of girls while he attends that school, and is even called out by one of the girls he wronged about who he actually is rather that who he portrays himself to be (“After School Special”). This “bad boy” and “Devil may care” attitude of his continues to be present well into his adult years to cover up what he feels and hide his vulnerability from the people he cares about. Due to the nomadic lifestyle Dean and his family lived, the emphasis of school from a parent was not set in place and caused him to not even try, knowing that he would be gone in a couple of weeks or months. Along with the lack of emphasis in education, he was more likely to be concerned about Sam’s wellbeing since he was the one taking care of his needs most of the time when John was preoccupied with a hunt and in general (Gordon 63).

In the episode “Bad Boys,” Dean received a call from an old friend, Sonny, who helped him out during a tough time when he was a teenager. Sonny calls Dean looking for someone to help with his current situation when one of his workers at the boys’ home was mysteriously murdered by a piece of machinery that had not worked in years. When Dean returns to the place he stayed at and called his home for a few months, he begins to remember his time there and how he got there in the first place when he was picked up for shoplifting a loaf of bread and peanut butter at the market. Due to the abuse in Dean’s early childhood, he was more prone to shop lifting and committing a crime later in his juvenile years from the likelihood of children that have experienced abuse committing a crime increasing by fifty-nine percent (Gordon 71).

Adulthood

The trauma and abuse that Dean Winchester experienced in his childhood affected the relationships he formed as an adult, his self-image, and his mental health. Throughout the series Dean is often clingy to those around him, especially his father and brother, from wanting to seek the validation and acceptance he was hardly ever granted as a child and was instead given the opposite from his father. This is also due to Sam and John being the most consistent things in his life because of their nomadic lifestyle and them being the closest representations of a home that he had growing up and into most of his adulthood. When his father, John, would fulfill his emotional needs, it would be to work for his own personal gain while he was off seeking to avenge his wife’s death, but berating Dean the second he made the smallest mistake or attempted to be a kid. The back-and-forth relationship John had with his son caused Dean to not feel secure in any of his romantic or familial relationships from thinking that everyone would eventually leave him once they realized he was damaged goods. This resulted Dean to grow more colder and attempt to push people away from himself before they realized this, so he would no longer be the one ending up hurt anymore. He also kept the womanizer persona he established during his teen years while engaging in high-risk behavior such as drinking copious amounts of alcohol and having unprotected sex with most flings, he has had throughout most of the seasons in the show as a distraction and coping mechanism for the abuse and neglect he received in his childhood. Having experienced abuse and neglect, Dean was more susceptible to engage in high-risk behaviors like this and more prone to have stress, anxiety, and emotional issues throughout his life (“How Childhood Trauma Affects Us as Adults: Mental Health”).

In adulthood, Dean continues to struggle with the trauma, abuse, and neglect from his childhood and adolescent years. There are multiple reasons this occurs with him being parentified at such an early age by his parents to fulfill their own emotional needs and to take care of his brother and coping with the loss of his mother and the effects it her death had on his father in his early childhood. Also, experiencing neglect and abuse from his father that occurred in his early childhood and adolescence caused him to have long lasting effects into his adulthood from the emotional baggage he has had to deal with.

Works Cited

“After School Special.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 4, episode 13, The CW, 2009.

“A Very Supernatural Christmas” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 4, episode 8, The CW, 2007.

“Bad Boys.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 9, episode 7, The CW, 2013.

“Dark Side of the Moon.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 5, episode 16, The CW, 2010.

“Dead in the Water.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 1, episode 3, The WB, 2005.

“How Childhood Trauma Affects Us as Adults: Mental Health.” Mental Health Center, 3 Apr. 2019, https://www.mentalhealthcenter.org/how-childhood-trauma-affects-adult-relationships/.

Gordon, Sherri Mabry. Beyond Bruises: The Truth about Teens and Abuse. Enslow, 2009.

“Home.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 1, episode 9, The WB, 2005.

“In My Time of Dying.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 2, episode 1, The CW, 2006.

Leverich, Jean Marie. Child Abuse. Greenhaven Press, 2008.

Lewis, Rhona. “Parentification: What Is a Parentified Child?” Healthline, Healthline Media, 23 Sept. 2021, https://www.healthline.com/health/parentification#instrumental-vs-emotional.

Loggins, Brittany. “Childhood Trauma in Adults: How to Recognize and Heal from It.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 23 Nov. 2021, https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-childhood-trauma-in-adults-5207979.

Myers, David G. Myers’ Psychology for AP. 2nd ed., W.H. Freeman, 2014.

“Pilot.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 1, episode 1, The WB, 2005.

Rome, Emily. “'Supernatural' and 'Timeless' Creator Eric Kripke Details the Real-Life Inspirations behind His Fantasy Series.” Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Times, 19 Dec.2018, https://www.latimes.com/entertainment/movies/la-et-st-eric-kripke-timeless-20181219 story.html#:~:text=He%20cites%20Jack%20Kerouac%20and,chase%20reports%20of%20 paranormal%20occurrences.

“Something Wicked.” Supernatural, created by Eric Kripke, season 1, episode 18, The WB, 2005.

“Supernatural.” IMDb, IMDb.com, 13 Sept. 2005, https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460681/?ref_=adv_li_tt.

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #mental health #mental illness #trauma #verbal abuse #emotional abuse #neglect #parentification #parentified child

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lambmotifz · 3 months ago

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I recently started re-watching supernatural, I can't believe how entangled and messy sam and dean are for each other. dean constantly breaking sam down and making sam rely on only him. their relationship is so broken it's so beautiful, dean constantly chooses everyone else before sam, and makes sure sam has no one he can rely on other than him. sam always listens to dean, trusting that his brother has his best in mind. it's so weird how I didnt see any of this when i first watched supernatural years ago. but for me, wincest is about a cruel love, a manipulative love. its so beautiful to me to watch two characters fall apart at the hands of each other's. anyway, sorry for yapping, but I just wanted to say something to someone who might understand.

what they have going on can definitely be cruel and manipulative, especially on dean’s side because his love for sam will always be tangled with his selfish desire to own him, and sam’s consent doesn’t really matter to him. dean needs to have some kind of power/control over sam, it’s at the core of his character, and most of it comes from his fear of losing sam aka the only home he was left. it wasn’t present much in s1 but after john’s death dean’s need to have control over sam started to grow into something monstrous. their dynamic gets even darker when you remember that dean is hopelessly obsessed with the idolised image of a little brother and he desperately wants sam to be him forever, which is the main reason why he hurts him and tries to force him back into this image every time sam does something that ruins it (in dean’s mind). that’s also why the idea that dean, especially post-hell dean, is willing to go as far as nonconning sam (if they canonically had a sexual dynamic) feels very realistic and in character to me.

you mentioned dean making sam rely on only him and sam letting him and honestly is perhaps one of the most delicious aspects of their fucked up dynamic. there’s a hint of power imbalance to it, because sam, in fact, doesn’t have anyone who’d take care of him like he needs. it’s very symbolic (and tragic) that all the characters who could potentially take care of sam either die or manipulate & use him. sam has no one whom he could trust like he trusts dean which is perhaps his main vulnerability. in the end sam needs dean as much as dean needs him, if not more, even though he tries to hide it, especially early seasons sam

#wincest #samdean #spn

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ruinedsam · 5 months ago

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I keep thinking of Sam and his demon blood, and there’s something about John confirming to Azazel that John knows about at least some of what Azazel is up to with the special kids—albeit it’s left ambiguous just what John knows but I have to imagine he knew of the demon blood, simply because I can’t imagine he knew of the rest without also knowing of the blood that set everything in motion—but never telling Sam anything about this, and then us discovering in season 4 that Dean learned of the demon blood while in the past but not mentioning it to Sam and even getting offended when he finds out that Sam knew of it but didn’t mention it to Sam.

Yeah I agree! I always thought John cut off contact with Sam and Dean because he figured out Sam (and the other special children) had demon blood in him. The whole thing is so telling about the Winchester family dynamics and the roles everyone occupies.

It's remarkable really, John is so married to their roles that he tries to maintain them even as he knows he'll die soon and sorta passes the torch as head of the family to Dean: He only tells Dean he might have to kill Sam and keeps the fact about the demon blood to himself. This makes me think about the dynamic we’ve seen in the flashbacks in A Very Supernatural Christmas: John has all the information, Dean gets part of the information plus orders, and Sam is supposed to be kept in the dark about everything.

And Dean, as the new head of family, being exactly the same. Like John, he was never going to tell Sam. He doesn’t see the hypocrisy of going off at Sam for not telling him because in his mind only he is entitled to this information - never mind this is a deeply personal fact about Sam and he’s literally the only person who deserves to know.

It really is about how Sam is forever the child kept in dark, the daughter, who's not trusted to make decisions about his own body or his life, let alone to receive (vital) information about himself.

#ask #winchester family

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zepskies · 8 months ago

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Poll: Fic to "Podcast Fic"

Thanks to the lovely admins over at @spnfanficpond and @talltalesandbedtimestories, one of my SPN stories will be made into a podfic! I'm very excited, but I also need your help. 💕

If you're interested, which story would you enjoy listening to in podfic form? (Links and summaries below the poll.)

I tried to include longer stories or chapters in the options, but if there's a different SPN story (or series chapter) of mine you would prefer, please list it in the comments below! 💜

Stories Mentioned:

(Links and summaries below the cut.)

Choosing Him You’re forced to make a decision between Sam and Dean. - [Sequel to “Dean gives you an impossible choice.” Contains both Sam and Dean endings.]

Smoke Eater (Part 1) Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real.

Midnight Espresso - (18+) You’ve never taken Dean’s flirting seriously…until he asks you for an impromptu Spanish lesson.

A Wish to Build a Dream On (18+) Dean has been harboring the archangel Michael in his mind for weeks now, putting a strain on your relationship. When Dean makes a wish that accidentally brings his father back from the dead, you get to meet the (in)famous John Winchester. But as always with magic, your boyfriend’s wish has unintended consequences.

Big & Tall - (18+) You steal Sam’s shirt. But that simple theft comes at a big price.

Make It Right (18+) He didn’t mean to claim you. Not like this. Not before he’s meant to die. [Omegaverse/ABO dynamics]

#poll #Fic to “Podcast Fic”#help me choose #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester x latina!reader #dean winchester x plus size reader #alpha!dean x omega!reader #firefigher!dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #sam winchester x you #supernatural #spn #espresso verse #smoke eater verse #zepskies polls

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godisaknife · 3 months ago

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I'm gonna be real with you, every wincest take I see relies heavily on fanon interpretations of the characters and their relationships. It's really not as integral as y'all think it is. Don't get me wrong, ship whatever you want, you do you, I just really don't see it. Unhealthy family dynamics? Sure. Parentification? Sure. Incest between Sam and Dean on any level but the show poking fun at the concept? Nope. Not at all. To be totally honest there's a more incestuous dynamic between John and Dean, but even that's mostly emotional incest (which is to do with the unhealthy dynamic of parents putting their feelings and issues onto their kids, it doesn't even have anything specific to do with actual incest). The parallel to Bela and her Dad doesn't help. Idk, I just don't see it. Like Webb Sherman and Keegan Sherman from Bounty Hunters? That's subtextual incest, not whatever is going on with Sam and Dean. Not to mention the characters that do allude to it in-universe are completely tapped themselves and have to be manipulative in order to even keep Sam and Dean together (Azazel - without him Sam would've stayed at Stanford, Zachariah - Dean during 4x17 didn't want to follow his destiny as a hunter and was totally fine parting ways, Soulless Sam himself - he only wanted Dean when he thought he was useful, Dean only stayed with him because of Bobby's speech and Sam potentially killing innocents).

i might say something controversial here but, first of all, i personally think that emotional and psychological incest is enough to be considered incest. especially when it comes to a show that doesn't allow the usage of the word "fuck", because incest is never going to be allowed to be shown on screen or talked about openly, so all we will ever be allowed to hear and see are implications and subtext. dean and john sure do have their own incestual subtext, but i do think that sam and dean have a very strong one on their own, i'd say all one had to do is look it up and plenty of lines and body language taken directly from the show will prove what im talking about. let's see a random example: one of the most recent posts ive reblogged that come to my mind is crowley saying that his valet has hidden a device to locate them in their car and "oh, the things i've heard" followed by dean and sam looking uncomfortably at each other. yes, it's can be a joke but it is heavy in implications. it is not a joke one would even think of making to a couple of normal siblings because if there was no substance to make implications about then the joke wouldn't land as such, as anything at all, because the one making it would come out as a groundless creep and the siblings wouldn't have any reason to be worried or uncomfortable about it. so why do they look so uncomfortable and worried about it? and this is a random example. such little things are scattered throughout the show. and that is only one part of the subtext. the dynamic, the relationship, the history they have, i think all of it is permeated with incest subtext that cannot be made explicit and is, at least to me, more interesting by being covert in a way you have to translate it yourself in order to fully see and understand it. i do not agree with what you said about them held together by other characters' manipulation. i see what you see and i see why one may think so, but outside forces are necesarry to drive characters and their story, in any story there is always an amount of outsider elements. yes, sometimes they are pushed in one or other direction by someone else, but at the end it is them who make the conscious decision to stick with each other, to break the distance, to come back to each other. despite all the things that have happened between them, for one reason or another, they always choose to come back to each other because of their abnormal obsession and love for each other. i got into the show curious as per why wincest is a ship and when i started watching the show i was pleasantly surprised by how obvious their incestual relationship is, especially to an eye trained to notice "fucked up" themes. i'd elaborate more on all of this properly but i'm on withdrawal so this is the best i can do atm

#i hope this is understandable im aware that i could elaborate better but my brain is incredibly foggy #i do want to say i very much appreciate how like normal and civil you are about this all #cause people might not agree with each other but a lot of fandom discourse is people being rude to each other #so i like talking about stuff even if we disagree with each other as long as the conversation is Civil yk #spn #wincest

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angelsdean · 2 years ago

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how is dean not the same as john. in the later seasons i mean. sorry but describing him as "not an angry man" is insane to me cause dean's number 1 of getting out his emotions is anger. i love dean as well but like. you know john tried to be better too right? like i dont really understand how you extend this huge hand to excuse some of dean's angry/bad tendencies (which imo makes him that mlre interesting: the fact that he is angry and he's sometimes not a particularly good person) but refuse to extend even a sliver of this to john? obviously i get that you're attached to dean way more than john thats like common sense for us deangirls but genuinely. cas died and dean did turn into his father. its a thing that happened. i love dean and i dont understand how you can call yourself a deanlover but... erase so much of him??? like you can say he has bad qualities. thats what makes him human. john and dean are much more similar than you claim and its genuinely confusing to me why you don't see that. not trying to start a fight or anything i genuinely would like to get a piece of your mind on this

no no no you misunderstand. i am not erasing ?? his anger. he IS angry (it's just that anger for dean is rarely actually anger). i also think his imperfections are what make him interesting. i talk abt this a lot actually. about how i don't believe in flatting ANY character to prop them up as your fave. people being messy and flawed is good. the problem i have is people who do not look at dean w/ any nuance and just point blank go: he's angry therefore he's abusive and equals john without examining WHY he's angry, where that anger originates from, the fact that his anger most often is Not true anger for the sake of anger or violence. instead, his anger most often stems from fear and grief. especially during widower's arc. he's drowning in grief and as much as we love jack and can see in hindsight that he wasn't a threat at all, dean doesn't know that! we as the audience get the privilege of often knowing and seeing more than the characters! all dean sees at the time is a Very powerful being, who IS the son of lucifer, and who he believes manipulated his best friend and got him killed. he does have every right to be afraid and wary of jack. (and i'd argue he has the right to feel this way again with soulless jack, he IS afraid of him and what he might do and he's also grieving mary and that mixture of grief + fear is where his anger-but-not-really-anger comes from). like, because of the way dean was raised, because of growing up with the angry man that is john, the only emotion that was really expressed and "allowed" was anger. anger was justified. crying and sadness and fear, that's weakness in john winchester's household. but anger was powerful and masculine and good.

i also DO look at john with nuance as well. i've talked about how i don't like when people reduce john to a flat caricature or cartoon villain abuser. there's more going on, there's nuance, their dynamic is so complicated. john is Also, at first, drowning in his own grief. i think early on, john DID try, and was mostly motivated by a desire to protect his family, but he went about it wrong and imperfectly. however, where they diverge, is that john continued to let his anger consume him for the sake of revenge. he neglected his children, he put them in danger through his repeated neglect, and he did (based on various pointed insinuations) at one point or another physically abuse them, most likely dean specifically (the line abt flagstaff, also less "canon" but in the john's journal book john mentions how dean was particularly responsive to "discipline" and that john feels he's been too soft on sam)

the thing is, being angry doesn't make you a bad person. being angry is human. dean's anger imo, and the way we see it manifest--most often when what he really wants to express is grief and fear--is indicative of his internalized behaviors learned from john and past trauma that remains unresolved. this man has never had a chance to COPE or unpack not only the abusive and controlling environment he grew up in, but all the subsequent years of trauma INCLUDING his hell trauma. that's a lot. all those bottled up feelings are gonna turn into a lot of anger and frustration. he doesn't suffer perfectly. like you said, and which i agree, he is not perfect. he's flawed. he's human. but i don't think being angry and suffering imperfectly makes him a bad person. i feel too much empathy and compassion for him. i can see struggling and i want someone to help him. sometimes when people are in pain they'll say or do things they don't mean. and yes, they may hurt people in the process and those people are allowed to feel upset, but dean is also hurting. and i don't think he's a horrible person for not suffering the "right" way or not being a "good victim." and that's how i view widower's arc, as someone who is deeply hurting and suffering. it's not excusing his behavior but it's not villainizing it either. john gets similar feelings from me too, to a point. but john took things further and actively abused and neglected his young children and raised them to be soldiers and made them put aside their dreams and desires in the name of HIS revenge quest. he raised his children to live in fear and used fear and violence to control them. however, despite the fact that *i* don't particularly like john winchester, i know that his dynamic w/ his sons is nuanced and i know that dean both Loves and Hates him and that both those feelings can and do co-exist and i enjoy that duality.

dean's complicated emotions during times of intense grief and stress (widower's arc, losing mary, finding out chuck was controlling his whole life) are isolated moments but do not speak for his whole self. outside these high stress situations, where what he's really feeling is fear / grief / worry, we usually see dean to be very compassionate and patient and good with children.

this is getting very long now and i don't know if you'll take the time to read all of it but i'd like to conclude with saying my main issue with the "angry man in the house" phrase is the way it is used out of context to paint dean as becoming john and taking the place of the angry man in the house, when the original context of the quote is about being haunted by the angry man you grew up with, not becoming him. i talk more in-depth about all of that in this post.

also, just as an aside but, i generally have two "modes" of operating on this blog. one is fangirl mode where yea, dean is my blorbo specialest princess who can do no wrong<3 and then there's the other mode where i'm doing formal analysis of canon where it's more abt dissecting things and talking meta and looking at WHY characters are acting how they are. that's when i talk abt their flaws and motivations and nuance and context. also, people are often needlessly harsh or over-exaggerate things dean said or did in canon just to villainize him and in those instances yes i will go to bat for dean and "defend" him, usually by just, pointing out the nuances and additional context for his actions that many choose to overlook or misinterpret just to make dean seem worse than he actually was.

#long post #sorry pals not putting it under a cut bc i think everything here is important #dean studies #mymeta #replies

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