#not to mention sometimes when I smell something weird I remember all my surgeries and then I feel like I can't breathe

[anixknowsnothin]

does whatever the hell is up there enjoy my suffering?

[potatotrash0]

Hey idk if youve done this alreadh but im curious about your body headcanons for the sdr2 cast!! An anon sent some in for characters previously (the one where they said things like angie has vitiligo and stuff-i love them and they really stuck with me haha) and i wanna know your headcanons!! :D

Hmhmm this one I might be listing off the spot lmao. I feel like my hcs are mostly just. Common hcs but hey I never said I wasn’t basic skdjksjdks

cw for. Everyone. Yeah kdjfksjdks

Hajime…..I like to think he’s slightly buff? Maybe that’s not the right word. Toned? Idk, I hc that he jumps around hobbies a lot because he wants to find something he’s good at, so that includes sports. I like the idea that a few stick with him, like swimming and basketball. I imagine he also has light scrapes and scars on his legs from falling, both with skateboarding and general Clumsy Shit.

Also this one switches a lot but with Trans Hajime, I can see him with top surgery scars.

Oh ah, I like freckled Hajime!! It’s cute. This one goes with the sports hc, but I like the idea that he’s kinda tanned. Entirely unrelated but I also like the idea that he has calluses from playing guitar.

Chiakiii!! She’s soft bc I said so. Specifically her thighs, arms and stomach + some stretch marks. And moles all over. Projecting big time onto a cute fictional girl, call that self care <333 /j

uhh other than that, I imagine she has bags under her eyes from staying up late gaming. Also tan Chiaki my love. Shh I know she probably doesn’t go outside for days on end. In my defense I tan easily and I imagine she does too. Again with the projection. Shhhh

Oh oh!!!! I forgot to mention but!!!! Chiaki gets a ton of moles. I saw the boob mole and went !!!!!! fellow mole haver!!!!!! and went nuts. This is the one weird niche entirely irrelevant thing that can get me to like a character, just. Being able to point at them and jump up and down with joy over them also having moles. Idk why it’s just therapeutic <33

Nagito’s bony. Skinny mf. Could probably cut cheese with his elbows. Maybe grate it on his collarbones. Cuddling with him would be a fight to see if you can find a position that doesn’t end with something poking you in the gut. I mean this affectionately, he’s bony as shit but he’s my bony fucker <3

Pale asf, sunburns if he’s in the sun for more than two minutes. His eye bags could hold the entirety of his life’s trauma. Sharpest features ever. Sometimes I hc that he looks greasy, and other times I hc that he looks ethereally pretty in a ghostly way. Either way he always looks like he’s had the soul sucked out of him by a Dementor.

You can probably definitely see the veins in his hands. They’re. Very There. Also I’ve brought this up before but he definitely has big ass hands. L a r g e hands, all the better to head pat you with. This was originally so much more pining but I decided no I’ve exposed myself enough on this blog skfjksjdkd

Oh last minute thing, I think he’d be tall as fuck. Specifically 6’0 or taller. Also he probably (definitely) has at least a few scars from his childhood, particularly that plane crash. And I like to think he has glasses when he’s older. I’m so sorry that his section is so long I have so many thoughts about him ;;;;;

Okay uhh Imposter? Mmm. Idk actually. I do think they’d have callused fingers but soft hands. Probably from having to adapt to using a ton of different talents for their Imposter Agenda. Also stretch marks probably, all over their body.

Teruteru uhhhhh. God. Can you tell I don’t think about some characters ;;;;; Idk I don’t have much that differs from canon. I like him. Oh but he probably has cook hands? Chef hands, whatever you wanna call them. Probably faint scars from cuts and burns from when he was still learning how to cook from his mama.

Mahiru……hmm well freckles obviously dkjfksjd. I think she’s tanned as well since I feel like she likes sunlit shots. Idk I don’t have much. I like to think she’s got a stockier body type though.

Also not necessarily her body but I like her with an undercut!

Peko’s buff <3 it’s canon <333 /j

N ee way yeah. Buff Peko my love. Also she probably has a few scars from handling her sword when she was younger and less experienced. I also feel like she would have contacts she wears when she trains bc fuck exercising with glasses

I don’t really have anything for Hiyoko until she gets her growth spurt. Afterwards, I imagine she’s tall and kinda thin? Mainly bc of fast metabolism probably, though when she’s older maybe she’d be a little less spindly.

I don’t know if her hair would be bleached or not, but if it were, I like the idea of her letting her actual hair color grow in. If not, I think Ibuki might help her try a few sections of dyed hair? Idk I just like the thought

Ibuki is a fellow bony bitch. I mean this lovingly. She’s skin and bone. Skeleton rocker lady

Probably tan, I imagine she spends a lot of time in the sun. She strikes me as a summer person. Oh, I also saw some art of Black Ibuki with vitiligo and loved that!! Also calluses from shredding guitar, obviously

Hmmm I like the idea that she rollerskates? So possibly some bruises or scars on her arms or legs from falling on concrete when she was still learning. Oh oh I imagine she has a ton of piercings!!! On her ears, nose, lips, brows, tongue, belly button…….maybe she has a split tongue too idk. Also she totally gets a ton of tattoos when she’s outta Hope’s Peak, prove me wrong.

Mikan uhhh. I like tall Mikan. She deserves the height. 5’8 to 6’0 Mikan good 👍

Hmm she probably has scars all over, particularly on her arms and legs. Uh. Idk I imagine she’s curvy probably. What do I say for her I don’t have anything skjdksjdks

I’m not even gonna lie I don’t have a damn thing for Nekomaru. Or. Wait nevermind here’s a concept: buff Nekomaru but like. If you’ve seen those wrestlers who have fat on them that hides some fucking crazy strength? Yeah that’s him. Also hairy asf.

Gundham……tall vampire vibes. I’d say he’s a stick but also I feel like he’s the slim type of muscular. Idk how to describe it. Shigaraki type muscle? Male gymnast. No nevermind those guys have visible muscle. Shigaraki type it is

Hmmm I think this is canon but probably a few scratches from his pets. His arms and legs mainly but I’m sure the Devas have scratched up his neck at some point or another. Just a little though. Also piercing fiend Gundham my beloved. I also like him having a couple tattoos when he’s older. Ibuki probably helped him heheh

I’m torn between Fuyuhiko being skinny as shit and Fuyuhiko being tiny and buff. I like both………hhh

His hair is probably bleached. Peko probably helps him re-dye it when his roots start growing in. I also like him having glasses

Uhhh tooth gap Fuyu’s cute. I used to have a super small one before I got my braces, I imagine it’s the same for him. Him, Ibuki, and Gundham are probably Tattoo Buds.

Kazuichi…..I want so bad to say he’s a weakling just to make fun of him but he’s a mechanic that probably works with heavy machine parts a lot and he probably has some sick biceps. But he probably also smells like hair dye, oil, metal, and Monster Energy. Win lose situation I guess.

I like to think he has a couple piercings? Not as many as Ibuki, but maybe he’s got like. Second or third place in the class. Also he totally filed his teeth to be sharp like that

Akane!! Buff lady, could probably deadlift me or something. She’s definitely got some scars from running around, especially when she was first learning parkour. Ummm oh, I like to think she has a chipped tooth or smth like that from falling roughly as a kid.

Soniaa <33 in my heart she will always be tall and have at least some muscle. Novoselic is a war country if I remember correctly, she’s definitely got some military training in her.

Idk why but her with heterochromia just popped into my head. That pretty greenish blue gray that she has + maybe brown or hazel? I think that’d be cool. And hip dips.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

White Lies (Pt. 13 of 21)

Pairing: Keanu Reeves X Reader

Word count: 2.7 K

Summary: Keanu found the girl almost dead, in the wrecks of what was once her car. While she was in surgery, stuck in a coma, he gathered the best doctors of New York to attend to her. They told him she is likely to have some kind of brain damage, what may lead to memory loss. And this possibility added up wit the fact that she's pregnant, made the council come up with an odd idea. They asked Keanu to pretend to be her husband, since the stress of finding out everything that happened could put the baby in danger. He reluctantly agreed, but only if she does has some kind of memory loss. He still goes she'll wake up soon, with her memories intact.

But when you finally wake up, there's nothing inside. You're quick to find your head is empty, void, like a blank canvas. The only thing that brings you some relief, that makes you feel less lonely is the mention of a husband. And you can't wait to meet him, because you know you can't deal with this by yourself.

<- Previous part (12)

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{Keanu Reeves Masterlist}

{John Wick Masterlist}

×

Change Of Heart

“You and Daniel were in a relationship that ended sometime before we met,” Keanu says, gathering his stuff as you do the same, both starting to take the baggage to the living room. “He is Mrs. Davis' son, and I guess she didn't like much when you two broke apart.”

“And where is this Daniel now? I'd like to meet him if he's part of my past.” You stop by the door, as Keanu checks on his phone for the car he just called.

But he puts his phone away, eyes on you. “Daniel passed away a week before your accident.”

“Oh...” You whisper, looking down. “So that's why Lucia got so sad when I said we weren't considering the name.”

“Yeah.”

Furrowing your eyebrows at his weird expression, you step forward and tiptoe, placing a kiss on his lips. “Let's go home, babe.”

•••

Going back home happened without any incidents. But the next days were filled with medical appointments. You assure him you're fine, but Keanu seems to be in an urge to make sure you're completely fine. You try not to complain about it, but things get weird when you notice a strange expression on his face. For too many times to count you caught him looking like he was just about to say something, but for some reason, he gives up. It makes you confront him a couple of times, but he assures you he's just worried as the pregnancy goes on.

Some weeks go by, and you're getting impatient to find out the baby's sex. On your many ultrasounds, they're always on a position that makes it impossible to see it. But you're hopeful for today, and, as you lie on the bed with Keanu, your back against his chest, you take in the soft morning light.

Keanu has an arm around her waist, a hand caressing her belly. Her bare back keeps his body warm, and despite the constant feeling that time is running short, he places kisses on her neck.

He was supposed to tell her the truth weeks ago, the moment they got back from Miami, but he just couldn't. This went too far, he went too far. In every possible aspect. Keanu didn't only fell for her, but he was intimate with (Y/N) too many times to count, and that makes him feel more guilt than anything else.

Her second trimester is just about to end, and now, he's caught in between. Again, for the millionth time, Keanu is caught in between two feelings. His love and his morals.

In his defense, Keanu did try to break the news several times. The words, the destructive, dangerous words were at the tip of his tongue, ready to desolate his life. But they got stuck, and he was too weak at the thought of losing her. Of losing the baby that he loves so much. It doesn't matter how many times he reminds himself the kid isn't his, he's failing to get this fact to grow roots in his heart. Keanu loves the child as if it's his own.

Guilt threatens to devour him entirely sometimes, but right now, in this moment, happiness suppresses everything else. This is his personal paradise, with her, the baby, healthily growing inside her.

Keanu always wanted a family. Settle down, take less and smaller roles. But nobody ever made him feel like he could. Of all the women he dated, nobody ever made him feel like he would give up everything. He thought he knew what love was, and he thought it wasn't as strong as people say... But now, life proved him wrong. This is love, a wrecking ball that came and destroyed his walls, his heart, his wrong perceptions. If only it happened some other way. If he wasn't caught up in this web of lies.

Dr. Harris wasn't happy to know he was sleeping with her. (Y/N) told her, of course, and even though it was in her usual shy and reserved way, the psychologist got the meaning behind the words. And she confronted him, very harshly, and Keanu could do nothing but listen and agree. Because this is wrong. This is the worst kind of betrayal.

(Y/N) moves a little, breathing deeply as she wakes up. A hand finds his, pulling it to her chest, placing a soft kiss on his fingers. “Morning.” She whispers, voice still clouded by sleep. She's used to it now, Keanu is always awake first.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He replies, fingers caressing her chin. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, but I miss lying on my stomach.” She complains, turning around and snuggling into his chest. “What time is it? We have an ultrasound.”

“I know. And we should probably start getting ready.”

“Alright.” (Y/N) mutters, but doesn't give any signs she'll move anytime soon.

But he knows what today is all about, and it will certainly make her excited. “Hopefully we'll finally find out if this little one is Sophie or Liam.”

“Yes!” Immediately, she pushes herself up, an arm sustaining her weight as she looks down at Keanu. And he tries not to stare at her nude figure, even though this is silly compared to everything they're done. Still, he thinks he should at least try. “The baby must be in a good position today. I can't wait anymore.” With that, she's up, smiling as she makes her way to the bathroom.

And Keanu is left behind on the bed, surrounded by his bad decisions. Maybe this is the right time. Maybe, being this happy, she won't hate him so much.

With a lump in his throat, he goes on with his routine, until they're almost ready to go. Keanu waits by the bedroom door frame as she fixes her hair, the bathroom door half open. This is way too sudden, but if he doesn't do that now, if he waits any longer, he'll never be ready. He'll never be brave or strong enough to do this. He took too long already. Now, he can only hope, pray, that this will somehow end up the way he wants.

That he won't lose her.

The moment he sees (Y/N) walking out of the bathroom, Keanu gives a step forward, arms crossed, heart beating so fast it threatens to jump off his chest. The words are at the top of his tongue when his eyes take in her posture. (Y/N) holds the skirt of her blue dress up, all the way to the top of her thigh with one hand, and on the other, there's blood. Bright and red, staining her fingers and the palm of her hand. His eyes turn to her face, blank, scared as she looks at him.

Without thinking too much, his mind on the verge of collapsing, he forces himself to move, quickly making his way over her.

You hate the smell of the soap they have here. You hate this hospital and what it means when you're brought here. It's only far worse now. You're still trying not to burst into tears, trying not to break down again. There's no pain, so that's good. And no more bleeding, which is even better. The feeling you got when you found blood on your underwear was the worst thing in the world. For a moment, a desperate moment, you thought you were going to lose the baby. You wanted to yell, but you didn't have it in you.

If it wasn't for Keanu, you don't know what you'd do.

Now, still walking terribly slow out of nervousness, you leave the hospital bathroom, finding Keanu seated on the edge of your bed, already looking at you.

“Hi, beautiful.” He says, and you remember this was one of the first things he said to you. “Come and lie down. Why did you put the dress on again?”

“Because it's clean and I don't want to stay here.” Instead of doing as he said, you stand before him, your forehead on his chest. “I thought I was going to lose our baby.” Your voice cracks as some tears roll down, arms around his midsection.

“I already spoke to the doctor.” Immediately, you pull away, just enough to look into his eyes. “He assured me you're both alright.”

“Are you sure, Ke?” You plead, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I almost lost my mind.”

“He wants you to rest and that's all. He–” He's cut short by the door being open, and you see Dr. Wright and your obstetrician.

“First of all, you must know the baby is alright.” Dr. Williams says as she comes closer, a tablet on her hands. “Sometimes, such discharges happen, mostly as you progress from the second to the third trimester.” She kindly smiles. “Everything you two need to do is keep up the good job. Make sure to rest, eat healthily, and exercise. But I'll recommend you to lie down for the rest of the day, ok?”

“Ok.” You quickly agree.

“It would be good to avoid surprises. The bad ones at least.” Dr. Wright adds, oddly staring at Keanu. But that's normal, he still needs to look after you, so some things are directed to him. “But we have good news today, right, Dr. Williams?”

“Yes.” From under the tablet, she takes a picture from the ultrasound and hands over to you. “The baby was in a good position and we already know the sex.”

“Oh my God.” You exclaim, smiling for the first time since the incident. “What is it?”

Dr. Williams smiles, exchanging a glance with Dr. Wright. “Mr. and Mrs. Reeves, you'll be having a baby boy.”

“It's Liam!” You yell, throwing your arms around Keanu again. “I was right!”

“You were right.” He agrees, a second before you kiss him, not minding the audience.

“Well, you're free to go home. And call me if you need anything.” Dr. Wright says and the obstetrician agrees before they both leave.

At least something good happened today. You'll finally be able to paint the blank white walls of the baby's bedroom, and buy what you still need.

“I was right.” You repeat, smirking at Keanu. “But we can try again and maybe it'll be a girl. I mean, if we ever spoke about having more than one kid.” Blushing a little, you bite your lip. There are still a lot of things you need to be updated on, and you still get a little sad when it happens.

“I'd love to have more kids if that's what you want, sweetheart,” Keanu says and you smile, kissing him again. “But now let's go home. You need to lie down for the day.”

“Can we stop and buy the paint for Liam's room? We already know the color so it'll only take a minute.” You know you have to rest, but you can't help but feel excited for finally being able to finish off the baby's bedroom. “Please? I'll stay in the car.”

Keanu gives you a look because sometimes you don't always do as you said you would. “Fine, but you won't be painting anything. I can do it myself.”

Nodding, you watch as he takes your bag and guides you out of the hospital room you hate so much. Hopefully, there will be a day you won't have to keep coming here, not because of some incident and not for any appointments.

You did wait in the car this time, and as much as you wanted to hit the mall and buy everything blue and green, Keanu forces you to give up the idea and head straight home. And when you get there, you have his undivided attention. He doesn't only make an incredible lunch, and an incredible dinner, he gives your legs a massage, and it takes a lot of effort to just lie down instead of jumping on him. But this is peaceful, slow, and sweet.

In the weeks that follow, nothing bad happens. You feel great, but you also heavier. Liam is growing fast, and you can't wait any longer to meet him. And neither can Keanu. He gets even more protective with time if that's even possible. And after you almost slipped in the shower, you're not even allowed to shower by yourself. Of course you pretend you're annoyed, but the truth is that you love it.

Despite feeling uncomfortable during this period, Keanu makes everything perfect. There are still no signs you'll get the memories back, and that's a fact now, but you'll follow your psychologist's advice. And Laura's advice, since they're pretty much the same. Living in the past will only get in the way of what's happening now. You have an amazing husband, who loves you deeply, and a child on the way. The present is wonderful, and you won't let anything ruin it.

You're around week 37 now, marking it on the calendar on the fridge door, a hand on your back as you make your way to the kitchen table. Keanu is still upstairs, and you take this chance to pour some honey on your plate. You're still eating the awkward combination when he comes to the kitchen, and you try not to let him see. But Keanu sees everything, and when he takes his place across from you, you feel his eyes burning.

“What?” You innocently ask, shrugging your shoulders.

“Are you eating bacon with honey?”

Biting your lip, you raise an eyebrow at him. “I happen to love honey. And bacon. So it makes sense.” He giggles and you kick his leg under the table. “Don't mess with the pregnant lady.” Warning him, you push the plate away. “I'm done anyway. I'll move to the couch if you don't mind, my back really hurts.”

“Sure. I'll join you in a bit.”

“Ok.” Dragging yourself to the living room, you lie down, hands on your swollen belly. You're almost drifting off to sleep when you feel Keanu sitting down, lifting your legs so he can move closer, caressing your thighs. “Ke, I'm huge.” You complain, eyes on the bump.

“You're beautiful.” Bending down, he places a kiss on your exposed belly, since you have the shirt pulled up. “Absolutely gorgeous.”

“Yeah, I doubt that.” Pouting a little, you try to hold back the giggle when you see his eyebrow raised.

“I would love to show how beautiful I think you are, but Dr. Williams told us to give it a little break.”

“Don't even remind me.” You never complained about anything with your obstetrician, but when she told you and Keanu should probably avoid sleeping together, you had to speak up. Even though your cheeks were burning. But in the end, you did comply. And you wouldn't have much of a choice anyway, since Keanu does everything the doctors say. “I heard your phone beeping. Everything alright in Arch?”

“Yes. That was just Lucia.” He says, obviously a little annoyed. “She just moved here. She's renting an apartment not so far away.”

“What the hell.” Sighing, you roll your eyes. This woman won't leave you alone, it doesn't matter what you say. “Why is she doing that? Isn't it obvious we don't want her around?” A couple of weeks ago she showed up again, and another argument happened. Keanu had to kick her out because the recommendations were that you shouldn't be put under any kind of stress.

“She loves you and the baby. That's why she wants to be around.” You don't get it. Keanu doesn't like her either, so why does he still speak like this?

“I know you can't stand her, you don't have to fake it with me.”

“But this isn't about me, sweetheart, it's about you and the people who were in your life before.”

The kindness in his voice makes you sit up, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You're amazing, did you know that?” Placing kisses on his face, you smile. “I love you. I'm worried to death and I'm trying not to get anxious with the labor, but you're making everything perfect. You're the best husband I could ever have.”

“I'm just trying to be the husband you deserve.” With a hand caressing your cheek, Keanu kisses you full on the lips, and you take no time before kissing him back. You don't know what you'd do without him, but luckily, you won't ever have to find out.

×

@multific @inumorph @aestheticallywinchester @bvbwestfall @liviiii98 @allie1804-fan @gian-giannina @playboygeniusphilanthropist @partypoison00 @mariafetamina @fortheloveoffanfic @trin303

[cudan2]

We’re Only Human

Spring Break Shadowing Part 4

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 2,040

Summary: It’s the last day of shadowing with Dr. Cullen, but you’ve come to realize a little more about how you feel towards him. Cue crushes and a little bit of chaos along the way.

A/N: I finished the semester and can actually dedicate time to writing this again because instead of being on spring break, I’m now on winter break. I also chopped this part in half because it was probably going to be over 6,000 words otherwise and that’s just a lot compared to the previous ones. Bear with me, guys. Another note - I’m thinking about posting this on Ao3 but will rewrite it because I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote this in present tense lol. 

Anyways, this is #8 on my headcanon list.

Masterlist

XXX

You don’t know how it happened, but time is on your side and you’re running early this morning. The sun has just risen and casts a warm glow across the hospital as you make you way to the Starbucks, determined to be the one to buy Doctor Cullen his drink for once.

Meeting him here every morning has become a tradition, a tradition that involves him getting you breakfast every day you’ve shadowed him this week. The two of you would chat about various topics while walking to where ever he had to be next. Sometimes you would prod his brain with more medical-related questions, occasionally he would tell stories from his past, but regardless, his every word had you captivated.

Alright, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to finally admit that you may or may not have developed a tiny crush on Doctor Cullen. To be fair though, this is your last day shadowing him and it’s not like you’re ever going to see him again anyways. You feel a pang of disappointment at the thought, but it soon disappears when Emily greets you at the counter.  

“Hi, Y/N! Where’s the doctor today?”

“I was running early today, so I figured I’d grab both of our drinks.” You place your order and ask the barista what Doctor Cullen’s “usual” was.

“Oh that?” she laughs. “He gets boiling water. It’s a little weird, but I just assumed he makes tea with it.”

Boiling... water? You think back to the last several days and try to remember what Doctor Cullen even did with his drink. He definitely never made tea with it. In fact, you don’t think he’s ever taken a sip out of the cup before throwing it away.

“Then I’ll be adding a grande boiled water to my order,” you tell Emily and thank her before she moves on to the next person in line.

You wait to the side for your food and see Jaime standing there too. He’s wearing a backpack and a faded college sweatshirt thrown over his scrubs, and you’re reminded of how many years left of school you have before you can even call yourself a doctor. You wave to him, and he pulls an earbud out from his ear with a sleepy smile.

“Hey, what’s up?” he greets you.

“Nothing much, just grabbing something to eat before the day starts. I’m surprised to see you here though. What happened to morning rounds?”

Jaime lets out what you can only discern as a mix between a hollowed laugh and a groan and tells you about forgetting his coffee at home. “Don’t even get me started on this morning. My car died on me, so I had to get an Uber. Lo and behold, there weren’t any Ubers around either, so ya boy eventually took not just a taxi, but a taxi and the train. By the time I got here, I realized my coffee was still on the counter at home, and so now I’m here.”

Damn, and you thought mornings were rough for you.

“Sorry to hear that! Did you get in trouble for being late?”

“I called Doctor Cullen myself and told him what was happening. He was so understanding, god bless, so I’m in the clear for now.

At the mention of the doctor, your thoughts instantly go back to blond tresses and a brilliant smile you already know you’ll miss when you leave the hospital for the last time today.

“Yeah, he’s pretty great, isn’t he?” you say a little too dreamily. Jaime gives you a knowing look and you rein it back in, hoping you haven’t exposed yourself already.

“You know, I think he’s going to miss you the most when you leave.” You don’t even get the chance to react when Jaime continues on, “Don’t get me wrong, Lily and I will definitely miss having you around, but the man really took a liking to you a lot faster than he did with us.”

“What do you mean?”

“He always kept us at an arm’s length before you came around. All of that personal stuff you get out of him would have taken him weeks to tell us before, and that’s if we’re lucky. He just seems more comfortable around you,” Jaime shrugs. His coffee is then called out, cutting off anything he wanted to say next. “That’s my cue. I’ll see you later!”

You take a moment to mull over what Jaime said. From your perspective, Doctor Cullen has treated you exactly the same way he does with everyone else. You don’t dare to over think what Jaime could be saying – over thinking never leads to anything good. And yet, the damage is done. The seed has been planted and now you can’t help but wonder about what made you stand out to the doctor.

Your own order is called, and you’re pulled from your thoughts with the smell of warm food.

Now armed with two beverages and a pastry bag sandwiched between your fingers, you make your way to a nearby table to wait for Doctor Cullen. Your wait is soon cut short though, as you see him walking towards you out of your peripheral vision. The clouds shift and the sun shines through the windows again. Its golden rays pass over the doctor, and for a second, you swear you could see him shimmering in the sunlight.

You squint strangely and blink a few times. Get it together, you tell yourself. Over thinking is clearly playing some weird psychological tricks on your eyes, and you still needed to be on your A-game.

“Hey you,” he flashes that familiar smile once more when reaching the table you are settled at. “You’re early today.”

“I am. It even gave me the chance to get you your water.” You hand him the cup with a smirk, having made sure to put a sleeve on it earlier because unlike Doctor Cullen, you actually have hands that hold the risk of being burnt.

“Ah, I see Emily has divulged one of my secrets with you. Thank you, Y/N, you really didn’t have to.”

“It’s nothing,” you insist. Seriously, water is free at Starbucks. “Think of it as a small thank you present. It’s the least I could do for the amazing surgeon that let me follow him around for the week.”

“Hmm, I think you may have meant the amazing, extremely kind, highly skilled, and not to mention, quite dashing–”

“Okay! No need to flatter yourself,” you laugh, trying your best to refrain from rolling your eyes. In all honesty, you can’t describe him any better. Add in attractive, intelligent, compassionate, way too humble sometimes, and it would be the perfect recipe to recreate another Doctor Cullen.

From there on, your daily routine at the hospital continues without a hitch. It’s a morning filled with back to back surgeries and question after question thrown at you from the doctor. There is no doubt that he is keeping you on your toes – literally and figuratively. You have to admit though, you are pretty proud of yourself for being able to answer the majority of his questions.

Your feet swing aimlessly while you spin around in a padded chair in Doctor Cullen’s office. Your laptop is open on his desk, displaying a blank document that’s meant to be your personal statement. It has been a little over an hour since he left you here to attend a mandatory meeting and you are starting to get antsy.

Aside from several stacks of files and other various papers, the desk lacks the small trinkets you would expect to see. As a matter of fact, the office itself is surprisingly void of anything personal. There aren’t any pictures of family, friends, pets, not even of a possible wife. There are no decorations on the wall either, and if it weren’t for the leather briefcase leaning against the side of the desk, you’d never believe this office belonged to him. No wonder he spends as much time as possible outside of this dismal room.

As you continue spinning in the chair, you bring up a paper fortune teller made earlier from a sticky note. You choose a color, two subsequent numbers, and flip open the flap to reveal the fortune.

Brunch date with Dr. Cullen.

The things you do to kill time. Your friends would never let you live this down if they could see you now.

Just as you’re about to go another round with the fortune teller, the door opens and Doctor Cullen walks in. The fortune teller goes flying out of your hands and onto the floor next to you as you jump in surprise and halt the spinning.

“Sorry about the wait, Y/N. I’m afraid the meeting took longer than expected,” he says, his words laced with a hint of bitterness. Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice you nearly jumping out of your skin. Not wanting to draw attention to the fortune teller on the floor, you leave it there for now and start packing up your stuff.

“I presume you found a way to entertain yourself?”

“Kind of? I tried starting my personal statement again. It’s really not coming together,” you laugh dryly. Too preoccupied with turning off your laptop and putting it away, you don’t notice that Doctor Cullen walking around to the head of the desk where you are until it’s too late.

Oh crap, the fortune teller. Of course, he just has to notice it too and picks it up with a curious expression. You look up, and he’s standing there with it in his hand.

“Did you make this?”

You leap up from the chair and snatch it out of his hand before he can examine it any closer. There is no way in hell you’re letting him open it.

“Uh, yeah... It’s just something we used to make in elementary school – nothing special!” You try to play it off as cool as possible and slip the fortune teller into the small trash can underneath his desk. “So what’s next on the schedule?”

He takes a moment before answering you. You see his eyes study the way your fingers nervously fidgets with a loose thread on your shirt. He seemingly brushes off the interaction that occurred and responds, “Pre-op. I believe this one will be much different than the others you’ve observed this week.”

“What’s different about it?” you ask. Doctor Cullen starts to leave and holds the door open for you.

“You’ll see.” You don’t have to look at him to know he’s smirking.

He shuts the door and you start walking towards to the surgical department when a hand abruptly pulls you back just a little too hard. You trip over your own feet in the process and in some miraculous, but also really unlucky, sadistic, cruel-of-the-universe sort of way, land in Doctor Cullen’s arms. Goosebumps form up your arms where he’s holding you, and you can’t tell whether it’s from the temperature difference or the fact that your face is only an inch away from his chest.

You are absolutely mortified to say the least. Heat begins crawling up your cheeks and if there was a witness, they would have seen you quite literally jump out of the doctor’s arms.  

“I’m so sorry, Doctor Cullen! I didn’t mean to trip and fall and–”

“No, no, please, Y/N. It was of no fault of yours. I admit, I wholly underestimated the extent of my strength in that moment.” You stare at him, still dismayed at what happened, but it seems you aren’t the only one feeling like a deer in the headlights. “Can you find it in yourself to forgive me?” he asks, smiling meekly.

“It’s fine, these things happen. We’re only human after all, right?”

“...Right.” There’s a moment of silence that goes on for longer than you prefer, and you can’t help but feel like you’re the punchline of some inside joke. You don’t dwell on it though. There’s really only so much social embarrassment you can handle in one day. “Now, if there aren’t any more near-accidents,” he points in the opposite direction and says, “we’re headed to the children’s hospital.”

Oh.

[sockpansy]

Downsides to modern medicine

This was inspired by @rudolph-sackville-bagg. With the lovely idea!

Tony getd his wisdom teeth removed and rudolph has to watxh him.

_______

Rudolph had been very confused about wisdom teeth. What do you mean you grow extra teeth and gotta get them removed? Then again, as a vampire he didn't really need any teeth besides his fangs.

When Tony got his wisdom teeth out, he had been warned that he may come back a bit...odd. Which is ok, modern medicine is weird anyways.

It would have been nice if someone thought to warn him about the blood in his mouth though.

Dottie was helping Tony into the castle when Rudolph flew down to greet them.

" tony your back- your bleeding!" Tony looked up at him with big puffy cheeks and blood around his lips. He stumbled forward and grabbed onto Rudolph and hugged him around his waist since he had been floating.

"You're sooo cool!" He rubbed his face into his stomach. Rudolph didn't know what to do, although he loved the affection from the mortal, the smell of his blood was not. Helping. At. All. He looked to bob and dottie for help. Only to find that they were laughing and taking a video. 

" Where is tony? Did you bring home the right blonde mortal?" Bob laughed at him and nods,

" i thought we told you he would be a bit odd when he came back?" 

" yes, A bit! Not...this! And you said nothing about blood!" 

" did you think they would take his teeth out with magic? To remove something there will be blood. But he is a little doped up and will be for a while. Probably won't even remember all of this either." 

Rudolph looked down at tony who was still rubbing his head against his stomach and gently pushed him back.

" so he will be like this for…" 

Dottie chimed in " a few hours maybe, or until he gets some good sleep to get it out of his system." 

Rudolph nods ," ok, i can get him to sleep. `` he pushed tony's head back away from him only to hear him whine as he did.

Dottie checked a notebook " bob and i have another errand to go too. Can you watch him?" 

" His mouth is bleeding and you want me to watch him?" Rudolph's eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he looked at the thompsons. They remember he is a vampire right…?

Dottie just nods " we know you wont hurt him. Also he will need new cotton balls in his mouth soon, there should be some in the kitchen drawer by the sink.  Have fun!" And they walked back out the front door into the sunlight. Stopping rudolph from getting them. 

Tony waved his arms up and down as rudolph held him back away from his waist. 

" let me hug you!  You fit in my arms perfectly." Tony complained, blood sliding down his chin as he talked.  Guess that's why he needs cotton balls. 

" hey tony. How about you go to your room and I'll be right up ok…" he floated out of Tony' s reach.

Tony threw his hands down to his sides and puffed out his puffy cheeks the best he could " but I wanna play with you!" 

" we can play in your room?" Rudolph was amused by this tony. He was so demanding and adorable...well he might just enjoy taking care of this tony after all.

Tony just nods " fine." He whined again. So whiny. Rudolph nodded and flew to the kitchen, finding the cotton balls easily.

Then he heard something crash, something break, and and tony scream.

Ok maybe this wouldn't be so fun.

He flew quickly to find Tony at the bottom of the stairs..he should have been halfway up them by now! Turns out he was sitting like a gargoyle on top of the end table against the wall, with a broken flower vase on the floor. Tony seemed fine but why...why was he on the table? 

" Tony, I said head to your room, why did you get on the table..?" He started to pick up the pieces of broken vase. Tony pointed to the stairs upset.

" I couldn't fly so I was going to fly this way and that...whatever that is scared me!" 

Rudolph couldn't help but laugh, " you can't fly Tony...i can. I will just help you, Remember." 

Tony shook his head and had a determined look as he stood quickly on the end table. " no, I can fly, watch!" And he jumps off it.

It was only a 2 foot drop, but Rudolph still caught Tony quickly, dropping the broken pieces of vase back onto the floor.

"See, i can fly!" He laughed and hugged Rudolph again. Rudolph laughed a bit and tried to put Tony down on the ground.

" no, I caught you. I thought humans were smarter than this." 

" I'm not a human, I'm a vampire. See! I got blood in my mouth and I can fly so I gotta be a vampire." Tony poked his cheeks and made a face " ow."

Rudolph just laughed. This tony may be a handful but he was so amusing. This was the most entertaining thing he had seen in 300 years. He took Tony's hand, flying up a bit with him. 

" Let's get you to your room ok" he looks at Tony's mouth, the thought of his blood coming back to the front of his mind as he took the wiggling boy upstairs. 

Rudolph made sure to lock the door, incase anyone smelled his blood. Honestly they would have probably come already if they did, but better safe than having to fight a vampire and a loopy Tony at the same time. 

Tony was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling.rudolph looked at the bag of cotton balls in his hand and then at Tony's mouth...he could do this. Just take out the delicious blood covered cotton balls from the mouth of the boy he had a little more than a crush on, and put in new ones without eating him up. That wasn't too hard. Not at all.

______

Rudolph hated modern medicine if this is what it does to people. He has planned to just do it on the floor since tony was there and still already, but apparently tony had different plans. He looks at Rudolph and grins and hugs him again. This time putting his head over his shoulder but still snuggling him and refusing to let go. It should not be this hard to make a human let go and stay still. After chasing around tony- who was somehow convinced he was count dracula- he wrapped him up tightly in the blanket and put him on the bed. Even then Tony kept wiggling so much that Rudolph had to sit on him to keep him still so he could actually start the hard part of this. 

Rudolphs hands were covered in Tony's blood and that was not helping at all. Leaning close to his face to see where the new cotton balls need to go didn't help either. 

Neither did Tony leaning up and kissing his nose at random. Tony giggled and wiggled under him as Rudolph touched his nose with his blood covered fingers. Why couldn't the thompsons do this before they left. This is hell. He wiped his nose with his sleeve and took a deep breath.

" toyn can you not do that right now. Please. Any other time this would be more than welcome but not when you are bleeding so much."

He kept changing out the cotton balls until he had a small container of delectable little bitesize blood balls and Tony's mouth was full of new ones. He cleaned off his face and finally got off him and floated to the ceiling. 

" I almost think you're more trouble than you're worth…."he mumbled, but of course he didn't mean that, Tony was worth all the trouble in the world.

Tony managed to free himself from the blanket and was counting his fingers, he had said six at least 12 times now.

Rudolph flew back down beside his bed and glanced at Tony. He held his thumb and nods " six…" He seems pretty distracted. Rudolph looked to the small container of used cotton balls. One wouldn't hurt. And it isn't like Tony needs them anyways. He has plenty of blood still in his mouth which is totally not tempting to just kiss him and see how much he can get from that alone. 

Rudolph quickly put a cotton ball in his mouth, not noticing Tony staring at him now. 

His blood was a little sweet and a little bit coppery, although the cotton ball gave it a weird texture. He hadn't eaten in a day because of the surgery, but he tended to eat more sweet things. Point was it tasted better than he dreamed. 

Rudolph sighed happily and looked over at tony, who was looking between the cotton balls and rudolph. He had been caught. 

Luckily tony spoke so he wouldn't have to explain. 

" can we play now? You promised." 

"Yes, yes we can play." Rudolph is very thankful for any other topic. 

______

Rudolph was having fun with whatever game they were playing. He wasn't quite sure. Tony was making it up but seemed very convinced they were doing it right. Of course sometimes the game would stop when tony would hug him and not let go, not that rudolph was wanting him too. 

It was during a cuddle break with tony's head against rudolph's chest as they floated that tony decided to mention agian how he was a vampire, when he is in fact, not.

" i'm the best vampire in the world. Right RuRu?" Rudolph did not care for RuRu but he learned not to fight loopy tony. 

" why do you want to be a vampire so bad?" He patted his head as he looked down at his mortal.

" I never heard of a vampire and human getting married, so I gotta be a vampire so we can get married." 

Rudolph fell to the floor with tony. That wasn't at all what he expected. He expected vampires to be cool or something else, not to marry him!

" t..that is..how did you. Why is that your reasoning!" 

But Tony had fallen asleep. Just leave Rudolph hanging after that why don't you. Rudolph put him in bed and slid down to the floor as he ran what the drugged up kid asleep behind him said. 

Did Tony actually want to marry him? Or was that the lack of teeth talking? Does tony like him back? He didn't have time to answer that because the thompsons were knocking on the bedroom door. Rudolph let them in and just nodded as he walked out past them. Neither parent bothered to ask him about the container of bloody cotton balls he was carrying.

______

" you mean you really don't remember anything?!" Rudolph was floating in the air above a no long as loopy tony. He had common sense now. Tony scrunched up his face as he tried to think. He looked up at Rudolph.

" i remember you ate a cotton ball from my mouth." 

Rudolph could feel his face get warmer than it should ever be and shook his head " that's all? Nothing else?" 

" nope. A side effect of getting my teeth removed is possible memory loss while I'm loopy. I didn't..do anything too weird did i?" 

Rudolph debated telling him about what he said. About wanting to marry him. 

" You thought you could fly and claimed to be count Dracula for half the day. " he floated down and booped Tony on the nose giving him a smug look. " and you kissed me right here." 

Tony turned red " d..did not." 

Rudolph grinned at him. " oh i think you did~" 

Maybe telling Tony about what he said could wait, teasing him as much more fun.

[honey-dewey]

True Trans Soul Rebel

Pairing: Din Djarin/Trans Reader (Not specified whether reader is FTM or MTF)

Word Count: 2,220

Warnings: Mentions of needles and injections, transphobia against the reader. 

Traveling with Mando was an experience, especially after being beat up all your life for being transgender. It’s taken a lot for you to love yourself, but the mandalorian who definitely supports and probably loves you absolutely helps. 

Traveling the known galaxy was a very unique thrill. Seeing new planets every week and sleeping every night on a ship suspended in hyperspace, it was an experience like no other. You highly doubted much could top it. 

Well. Maybe one thing. 

Traveling the known galaxy with a Mandalorian might be able to beat just traveling. 

He was kind to you, which was odd because all your life you’d heard nothing but hushed whispers about mandalorians as takers and hunters. Despite your home planet being in the mandalore sector, mandalorians themselves didn’t have a high reputation there. The only bright spot was the story of Mandalore the Binder, who had been born on your planet. 

But that was in the past. Now, years after you’d left that planet, you were traveling with a mandalorian, which was a huge rush in and of itself. You’d seen so many new planets, and Mando, as he insisted you call him, never questioned the abnormality that had gotten you thrown out of your old family. He saw past the physical and into the skills you had as a mechanic, plus you’d been basically at death’s door when he’d met you. And if there was one thing this mandalorian had, it was a soft heart. 

“Where to now?” You asked, slumped loosely in the copilot’s chair, Grogu asleep in your lap. 

Mando turned, as if he’d forgotten you were there. “Shikaakwa.” 

You paused, trying to remember where that was. “The Tython system? Why are you headed out there?” 

“The quarry I’m hunting is out there.” 

“Oh.” Sometimes you forgot you were traveling with a bounty hunter and not just a weird single father. “Is that the system with Kalimahr?” 

Mando nodded. 

“Sweet,” you said, flicking one of Grogu’s ears simply to watch it move. “I need more Imitoin.” 

You could’ve sworn you heard Mando sigh, but he didn’t move or say anything, so you assumed he’d taken what you said into consideration. 

Shikaakwa was a weird planet. The atmosphere was breathable, so Mando let you take Grogu out to play for a bit. But he was extremely uptight about it, and for good reason. Best you remembered, the planet was still under horrible gangster rule, meaning it was likely unsafe for you outside of the Crest. 

That didn’t stop you from playing outside. 

Mando kept a stern eye on you and Grogu, fiddling with his pulse rifle and tracking fob before finally standing. “I’m going,” he said, catching your attention. “Get back on the Crest and do not leave until I get back.” 

You nodded, scooping Grogu up and waving goodbye. 

“C’mon kiddo,” you said happily, stroking down Grogu’s ears as you walked back to the Crest. “Let’s go screw with daddy’s shit.” 

Four days later, you’d organized everything on board twice and actually got around to fixing the mildly faulty left engine that you’d been putting off for months. Mando hadn’t returned, but you’d gotten a message from him on the third day that he shouldn’t be too much longer. 

On day five, he returned in the middle of the night, the quarry immediately being frozen and locked up before he even thought about finding you. 

You, of course, had been woken by the sounds of Mando returning. It was horribly late and you fell back asleep almost immediately, knowing that Mando would wake you if he needed help. 

When you actually woke the next morning, Mando was landing the ship, which was odd because you hadn’t felt him take off. However, you just yawned and sat up, adjusting your oversized shirt that had once had a logo on it. You slipped out of your bed, patting around for Grogu until you heard him cooing in the cockpit. 

Continuing to adjust your sleep shirt and horribly stained shorts, you wandered around, entirely barefoot, until you reached the cockpit. 

“Good morning,” Mando said, looking over his shoulder as you entered. “We’re on Kalimahr. My docking pass lasts twelve hours, so make them count.” 

You nodded, rubbing sleep from your eyes. “When’d you get back?” You asked, yawning halfway through your sentence. 

Mando’s modulator made an odd noise before he answered. “Late. You fell asleep in my bed, by the way.” 

Immediately, you squeaked out an apology, but Mando waved it off. 

“I wasn’t going to sleep anyway,” he reassured. “Couldn’t stay there any longer.” 

You nodded, still embarrassed. “I’m gonna go get dressed,” you said. “Can you find the closest pharmacy?” 

Mando gave you a gesture of affirmation while you slid out of the cockpit and down into the fresher. 

Dressing was always interesting. Mando thought it was impressive that you’d learned how to care for yourself in the dark, and you hated how sad you’d sounded as you explained why. Every time you saw your body it made you want to scream and cry. 

“One day,” you mumbled to yourself, blindly locating your favorite tank top. “One day I’ll get that damn surgery.” 

When you finally got dressed, you were able to flick the lights on, admiring yourself in the grimy mirror. This outfit was a favorite of yours, with the olive green tank top and overalls you hadn’t stained too badly yet. You preemptively wrapped a grey fabric baby carrier around your chest, knowing you’d probably be taking Grogu today. Overtop that, you had a loose brown jacket that came down past your knees, the patches and overly large hood giving it character and telling your story. 

Lacing up your black work boots, you grabbed the tiny trash can that was stowed away in the fresher corner, intent on getting rid of whatever trash had been accumulated. 

“Let’s go!” You shouted up to the cockpit, using your foot to open the portable incinerator you kept on board for the trash. 

As you emptied the trash can, you absently watched the contents burn. Your syringes took a minute, along with the few empty glass medicine bottles. The bandages burned quickly, but what made you recoil was the very strong smell of burning hair. 

“Mando!” You yelled, looking behind you as his boots firmly stepped off the ladder. 

“What?” 

You closed the incinerator, wrinkling your nose and walking past him to put the trash can back. “Next time you cut your hair,” you said, walking back to him and taking Grogu from his arms. “You’re emptying the trash into the incinerator. It smells like shit.” 

Mando chuckled, watching you adjust Grogu into your baby carrier. “Deal.” 

Your trip into the city was relaxing. At least, much more relaxing than waiting for Mando on board the Crest while he probably got himself shot at multiple times. When you stepped into line at the pharmacy, a few people gave Mando a look, one mother tugging her child closer to her side. You rolled your eyes. Mando wasn’t a completely uncivilized killer. At least not all the time. 

He turned a blind eye to the hesitation as the line moved forward. When it was finally your turn, you put on your kindest smile and spoke sweetly to the four armed woman manning the window. “Hi! I need a six month supply of Imitoin-126, with the syringes.” 

The woman eyed Mando and Grogu before addressing you. “Can I see your card?” 

You dug your prescription card out of your pocket, sliding it across the counter. The woman took it and examined it before giving it back. “I’ll go grab you a box of that. Is there anything else I can get you?” 

You thought about the supplies on the Crest. “Mando?” You asked. “Do we need anything?” 

“Bacta patches,” Mando said after mulling it over. “And probably some more painkillers.” 

“Cool.” You turned back to the woman. “Two boxes of bacta patches, one medium and one small, and one bottle of Omnipril please.” 

The woman nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

While you waited, you stroked Grogu’s ears, making him giggle whenever you gave them a light tug. Mando watched, occasionally reaching out to tug on Grogu’s ears himself. 

The woman came back after a few minutes, your various purchases in her arms. “That’ll be three twenty five.” 

You gave her the credits, accepting the bag of stuff she handed you. “Have a nice day.” 

“You too!” You said cheerily, putting the bag in your leather satchel for safekeeping.

The rest of your day was mundane. You picked up a few more purchases, namely food and parts for the Crest. Eventually, Mando split off to find something specific for his pulse rifle, leaving you to absently browse in the city’s center. 

While you looked over a new pair of welding goggles, you heard a commotion behind you. Turning, you noticed a group of protesters standing outside an unassuming white building, harassing someone who was just trying to get in. 

“Excuse me?” You stepped up, despite knowing you’d probably be giving Mando grey hair if he could see you right now. “What’s going on?” 

One of the protesters pointed at the person, who you assumed from the white coat was a doctor. “This doctor is a disgrace!”

“Why?” You were genuinely curious now, putting a protective hand over Grogu’s chest just in case this got ugly. 

“They are willingly defiling the natural form!” The protester said firmly. “They would actually perform a procedure to change the body and make it something else! To turn people into ungodly abominations!” 

You stepped back, not wanting to get involved now. “Oh. Well.” 

The protester glared at you. “You do not find this disgusting?” 

“I-“ You took another step back, flinching away from another protester who grabbed your bag, the abrupt action spilling its contents on the cobblestone. 

“They are a disgrace!” The protester shouted, seeing your Imitoin hit the ground. “A disgrace!” 

Immediately, the protesters ganged up on you, forcing you to your knees, curled around Grogu in a desperate attempt to protect him. 

“Hey!” A loud and familiar modulated voice broke the vicious cycle of abuse, causing you to look up. 

Mando stood in the center of the cobblestone circle, his shoulders squared. 

“Leave,” he growled, taking a step forward. 

The protesters scattered, running off, leaving you and the doctor. The doctor reached your crouched form first, slowly helping you to your feet and gathering your purchases to place back in your bag. “Are you okay?” 

You nodded, wiping tears from your eyes. “Yeah.” 

The doctor smiled, looking up at Mando. “If you ever need anything,” she said softly to you, handing you a small card. “Come back here, okay?” 

Mando put an arm around you, carefully tugging you to his side. “We’re going home,” he said tightly. 

The walk back to the Crest was silent. Mando kept his arm around you the entire time, and your head remained bowed as the Crest got closer and closer. 

When you were finally curled up in the cockpit of your home, you broke. 

Mando, thankfully, wasn’t as much of an emotionally stunted brick as people assumed. He wrapped you in a beskar hug, slowly putting his forehead on top of your head as you sobbed. “It’s okay,” he reassured softly, smoothing a hand up and down your back. “It’s okay.” 

You continued to cry until your body had nothing left, leaving you exhausted and horribly dehydrated. Mando let you sit in the pilot’s chair, grabbing a water bottle and watching closely as you drank half of it in one go. 

“Let’s do your medicine and then you can take a nap,” he said finally, once you’d put the water bottle down. “While you sleep, we can head back to Nevarro.” 

You nodded, silently taking your coat off and unwrapping the grey baby carrier from your body. Grogu was in his pram, half asleep already. 

Mando carefully helped you to his bunk, turning away so you could take your overalls off and slip into your sleep shorts. Once you’d done that, he handed you the empty syringe and the new bottle of Imitoin. You expertly filled the syringe and stuck yourself in the thigh. It didn’t make you nervous anymore, as it did in the beginning. Mando watched, sticking a bandage to the small puncture hole while you disposed of the syringe. 

“Are you okay?” He asked finally. 

“Yeah,” you whispered, settling down on the mattress. 

Mando sighed, beginning to take his armor off and pile it on the floor. Once he was left in just his tank top, pants, and helmet, he laid down beside you, shutting the door and plunging the small sleeping area into darkness. 

“C’mere,” Mando murmured, tugging you closer. You tangled your legs with his, losing yourself in the broadness of his chest. 

You drifted off, waking up a bit when a small hiss filled the space. 

“Whassat?” You mumbled, looking up at where you thought Mando’s head was. 

A dull clunk and a soft sigh woke you a bit more as you realized what was probably happening. 

“Go to sleep,” Mando murmured, his voice richer now that it was unmodulated. “I’ll stay until you do.”

You fell asleep slowly, cuddled up to Mando. He did his best to relax you as you drifted, scratching slightly at your scalp and hardly moving as you finally let the world melt away, held safe in the arms of the mandalorian who loved you.

[anotherbeingsworld]

The Bitterness of Love

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Casey Valentine)

Word Count: 2160

Warning: None

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters except for the storyline. All rights goes to Pixelberry.

A/N: Hi! I am back and this is... an angst. (I have missed writing angst and I want to try and write something!) I hope all of you enjoyed it, it made my heart break a little but, I am proud of it hehe! Apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes since English is not my first language! Enjoy! (Also, I just winged it on the title since I suck at it, but.. it sounds pretty cool honestly *winks*) 

Tags: @bitchloveskcbaseball , @storyofmychoices , @jaxsmutsuo , @mvalentine , @princess-geek​ , @lahellacute​ , @kacie-0156​ , @simp-for-villains​ , @annekebbphotography​ , @brycelahel​ , @mrsbhandari​ , @dcbbw​ , @choicessa​ , @choices-confessions​ , @aylamwrites​

LINK TO MY MASTERLIST

They wonder what the future might be like as they glanced at their windows, one of them was on the other side of the world while the other is living their life at their ‘home’ where all the memories were stamped on every inch of the place.

She was getting ready for the day, as she curls her hair. She suddenly felt a touch, the one that she felt familiar with, his touch. The way he would play with her hair, as they took their time getting ready for work once upon a day. The room was quiet as she sat in front of the mirror, with her hands on her hair somehow, trying her very best to feel the familiar touch once more. At the end, its just a memory as she pulled her hands off her hair, shaking her head before she slips on her white coat.

He was stood up gazing through the glass windows, as the sun starts to rise. The view was breathtaking, as his mouth curled up into a smile. He would often take a seat a few minutes before the sun rises as he would enjoy the view. His life was somehow at a fast pace, as the highway but… sitting there watching the sunrise; it slowed down just for a few moments. Those moments where he could envision anything, anyone, and anywhere. He was brought into a trance, as he felt arms hugging him on his waist, along with the familiar smell of lavender shampoo that made his day. He tried to grasp the touch, but it felt invisible. Nothing was there, as he tried to reach it but… the luck runs out. He was brought back to reality once more, as he shook his head somehow trying to get rid of the memory within his mind. Soon, he found himself wearing the same old green scrubs that had helped him survive this life.

---------------

The day went by quickly for both of them, he was doing several surgeries whilst she was diagnosing her patients happily. Once before they were together, but… now, together was a memory where they would relieve as it were there glory days. The days where the love was a presence, happiness was something real, before heartbreak entered into the horizons.

She would sigh, as she walked through the familiar hallways where they would sneak their little moments where love was blooming. The small interactions where they had been the talk of the staff. Her pace was slowed down, as a camera was capturing her every motion slowly.

He was cheered upon after he managed to complete a complicated surgery, where he would earn endless praise. The look on his face was happiness, somehow.. it felt incomplete. His mind would search to find her, to tell her the good news. His head tilted as in the search for her, but she is not there. She hasn’t been there for a long time. He lets out a sigh, as he walks away.

The day went by quickly after, as their work captures their whole attention from the lingering feeling in their heart. Longing for one another’s touch. They would go out and meet new people, as an attempt of so-called, filling the void. Every party, every drink they had as they tried to vanished the feeling away. They would fill their desires, but… the heart still longed for a feeling named, ‘love’.

‘I am okay.’

‘Never better, man.’

They would smile through the pain, as somehow a reminder of one another appeared. The smell of her perfume, the sweet scent of his favorite shampoo, his favorite food, her favorite song. The one trigger that made their friends look at them in concern, giving them the look of sadness when it was mentioned.

The day was long for both of them, working in a hospital. It took a lot of time, as their shifts would end during the time where the darkness replace the sunlight. The moon shines brightly being their guide back home.

---------------

The shine from the moon reflects through his windows, as he walked into the quiet apartment. It's different from the home they had before where it's their heaven where all good memories were made. Fast forward, he sat on the couch as he stared blankly at the television in front of him, as his smile perk up remembering a memory from before.

‘C’mon Casey, its tradition to watch every popular horror movie on Halloween night.’ Bryce said as they are deciding on what to watch.

Casey lets out a sigh,

‘I have a huge hatred towards horror movies Bryce. We can watch any movie except horror. I don’t want to be awake at night to fetch water and imagining Chucky is about to kill me in that kitchen with his damned knife…’ Casey shivers at the thought.

They went quiet, as he was thinking about a solution.

‘Okay. I have a preposition, you would watch one movie and I promised to be your trusty hero if you ever encountered a living Chucky doll in our kitchen.’ Bryce couldn’t help but stifled laughter as he finishes his sentence.

He felt a huge thump as Casey throws a pillow straight to his face, as she pouts. Bryce laughs and pulled her into his embrace.

‘Alright, I am playing with you.’ He said as he starts to place small kisses on her arms making her smile despite her attempt on staying mad at him. It's impossible to stay mad at him.

‘Its serious Bryce, I had this weird dream that Chucky would kill me in my sleep and I am not kidding.’ She playfully smacked his arm as he pulled her closer.

‘Alright, alright. We will watch any Disney movie of your choice tonight if you promise to watch one horror movie with me.’ Bryce stated as Casey raised a skeptical eyebrow at his statement.

‘What’s the catch?’

Bryce smiles at the question, making her curious even more on his intentions.

‘There’s no catch, cant a man wants to make his girl happy?’ Bryce replies as his eyes soften at the sight of her. Her hair was tied into a messy bun, she was wearing his shirts with sweatpants. She still looked like the most beautiful woman in the world.

‘You are a sap Lahela.’ Casey said as she placed a kiss on his cheek.

‘You love me anyway Valentine.’ He winked as they settled on watching ‘Tangled’ and a horror classic, ‘Saw’ as the night goes on.

He smiled at the moment that flashed before his eyes, he knew he loved her at the time. But, ‘love’ sometimes can disappear. The feeling can be self-destructing, as life gets in between them. He lets out a sigh, as he gets himself ready for the night.

---------------

Casey made her way back to the apartment where she used to share with her friends, most of them had moved out ever since they had gotten their very own personal lives to follow. They would still visit her frequently especially Jackie and Aurora since they would crash at hers after work is over. Sometimes, they would have a sleepover and just, have fun like old times. She turned on the switch as she was meet with her living room, the darkness around her felt comforting. After placing her jacket on the rack, she immediately made her way to change as she felt needed a fresh change after the long day she had.

The sight of her room puts a smile on her face since she is ready to plop herself to bed and just let herself sleep for the night. After a perfect shower, Casey gets herself ready as she raids her closet. Her eyes stopped at a familiar number of shirts, and a pair his very own sweatpants that were folded nicely at the corner. The sight of it brought a small smile to her face, as he would leave it there during the times he would stay for the night.

She took a deep breath, as she decides to wear it after all these years. The smell of him was gone, it was replaced by the smell of nostalgia as the memories flooded in her mind. The shirt was huge on her, but… she didn’t mind. The familiar comfort from it brings tears to her eyes as she is ready to call it a night. It felt like he was hugging her through the fabric, as she pulled the covers above her head.

---------

‘When are you leaving for the conference again?’ Casey asked quietly as they were laying down with their faces a few feet from each other.

‘Tomorrow night.’ Bryce replied with a sadness in his voice, he had to go on a conference with Harper at New York for a few days and he knew Casey ain’t taking it easy.

There was silence, as the only sound that can be heard was their heartbeats. They were close enough to hear each other’s heart.

‘I’ll be back Cas, don’t worry.’ Bryce’s voice was as soft as silk, as his hands brushed the strand of hair that was covering her face.

‘I know… it will be very lonely without you here.’ Her green eyes gazed into his brown ones, as she lets out a small sigh.

‘I will be sure to leave some momento of myself when I leave.’ Bryce winks at her, causing her to smile as her head was buried into his chest.

The atmosphere was quiet, as they decided to call it a night. Casey was still awake, as she felt herself smiling at his beautiful face which is illuminated by the moonlight that was reflected through her window.

‘I love you Bryce Lahela.’ She whispered before letting herself fall into a deep slumber safely in his arms.

The day he left for New York, Casey makes her way back to the apartment. Following her routine, her eyes widen at a box on the coffee table. After placing her stuff on the counter, she rushed to it.

She opened it gracefully as a smile appeared on her face, the smile that one would have after their food would arrive. She took out the contents of the box which consists of a few t-shirts of his, and a pair of sweatpants. People might call her crazy for smiling over pieces of clothing but, she couldn’t care less. All of the contents were taken out, and the scent of him made her smile even wider.

In a flash, she gets herself ready for the night with her ‘new’ outfits, consists of his very own sweatpants and a very rugged t-shirt. Somehow, the scent of it bring comfort to her and laying in the bed felt like he was there with her. Hugging her from behind, telling her that everything is gonna be alright.

---------

Bryce was in his hotel room, as a smile appeared on his face thinking about the goodies he left for her. It wasn’t much, but… maybe he would surprise her with something even better when he gets back.

His mind was wandering at the three words that had escaped from her mouth the other night. He never thought about that, the feeling of love. He had dated a few people in the past, the feeling with them is different than what he felt for Casey. He would feel somehow at peace as he saw the smile on her face, the way his days would light up at the sight of her and the feeling of having her in his arms felt like…

Home.

The thought was playing in his mind, as he smiled. Because, he felt it too. Love.

---------

She didn’t realize her tears had fallen from the memory, it had been a long time since it happened. She haven’t seen him in a long time, the only reminder left of him was the garments that she was wearing. The nostalgia of his touch, is something she didn’t know she needed after all these years.

He was tossing and turning in his sleep, the mention of her from the snippet of his mind bothered him. He saw her face through his friends, the way she would smile in the pics as they went to dinner together. That smile, makes his heart leap in happiness. The smile that he never gets tired of seeing. After all these years, even from a thousand miles away she never failed to make him smile.

‘I miss you so  much.’ The words echoed from the both of them, as the darkness around them paints as a disguise on the pain that their heart is feeling.

There were times it would work out, where their futures is filled with happiness from once upon a day but… sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. And, they have to live with it for the rest of their lives.

THE END.

A/N: Hi! I hope all of you enjoyed the ride, it was really fun to write! Don’t forget to like, comment and reblog! It really means a lot to writers. Thank you so much for reading once more. 💖😊 - A

[riverboundao3ff]

Riverbound Chapter 7

You are THE GUARDIAN, which is kind of unfortunate because you’re currently face down and up to your chest in a medicalizer, which has clamped down on your torso so hard you think you’re going to throw up. It’s not like you’re not grateful for the opportunity to heal your broken ribs, but feeling the machine forcefully fuse the bone and muscle back together is not a pleasant experience. Even advanced technology has its setbacks, you suppose.

“If it hurts too much, we can take a break.”

You look up to Mallek, who is sitting beside you like a very anxious guard dog. Somebody put a big plastic bowl underneath you in case you puke, but you guess he wants to be ready to either hold your hair up like a drunk sorority girl at a party or pull you out of the medicalizer.

You manage a wheezy laugh. “Nah, I don’t feel pain. I’m a robot, remember?”

An unhappy whine rises up from the back of Mallek’s throat, kind of like a stressed cat. “These things can suck even for highbloods. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, dude. I just--” Something clicks back into place in your side, and your vision goes fuzzy for a couple seconds. “Augh. Just need to be uncomfortable for a little while longer. I’m not running around Thrashthrust with broken ribs any longer than, than I have to, oh shit.”

Your stomach rolls like a fighter jet and you let loose into the strategically placed bowl beneath you. Hey look, there’s the grubflakes you ate for breakfast.

Mallek grimaces, and you feel a cool hand rubbing circles into your upper back. You turn your attention towards breathing in and out, in and out, just focusing on the physical contact. It’s only a little after midnight but you’re already exhausted. The painkillers Lynera gave you early in the evening have long since worn off.

“What happened to you?” you hear him whisper.

You force your eyes back open. “Daraya already told you? I got thrown into a tree by a goddamn cholerbear. Nasty sonuva bitch.”

“No, I know that! Why did you disappear for like, half a sweep?” he demanded.

His voice cracks about halfway through, and guilt hits you like a sucker punch. You just want to see him smile again. Granted, you’re looking down at the bowl-o’-puke instead of your friend, but you don’t really have the strength to do anything else.

“Long story short, I got kidnapped. Made some new friends to cope. Escaped, made sure my new friends were okay, and then I came back here. I’ll tell you the full version when I’m not on the verge of passing out,” you explain.

“Kidnapped?” Mallek explodes. “The hell you mean, kidnapped?!”

You wince at the noise and reach out to pat his knee. “Sshhhhhhhh. Shhhh. Calm down. It’s fine now. Be calm.”

His face lights up blue. It’s only then you remember telling that shushing a troll is considered lowkey sexy or something. Whoops.

“I would never leave you on purpose, Mallek,” you say, quickly pulling away before it can get weird. “Or… or anybody. Okay?”

“... Okay,” he mumbles.

You smile encouragingly at him. He grabs your hand and squeezes it. It would have been a really sweet moment, except you’re sweaty and shaky and everything stinks like vomit. You can’t imagine how much it must reek to Mallek and his better sense of smell.

The both of you stay like that for a few more minutes, and then the medicalizer goes off with a sharp buzz and releases your torso from its clamps. You immediately inhale as much as you possibly can, groaning with relief when there was no more stabbing pain. There’s still a bit of soreness; a medicalizer can only do so much for bruising, but by all the horrorterrors have you missed breathing like a regular person.

“How’s it feel?” Mallek asks. You can feel the anxiety coming off him in waves.

“So much better.” You’d fall asleep right there and then if he gave you the chance, but you feel him gently grab your hands and pull you out of the medicalizer. A pair of strong arms lift you up, carry you a short distance away, and then set you back down on a sofa.

You accidentally let out a squeak when you feel a chilly finger poke your stitches.

“Sorry.”

“Nah, you’re good. You’re just cold.”

Mallek huffs and touches the scarred-over gash again. “The medicalizer took care of this big wound right here, but the stitches need to come out. I don’t know how, though.”

The fun never ends. “Lanque did ‘em.”

“I’ll go get him. Be right back,” he promises. You hear him jump to his feet and leave the room, the door creaking slightly on his way out. Downstairs, you can hear your friends discussing something, most likely Tyzias and Daraya cooking up a crazy new plan for the rebellion.

You can’t wait to join them and help save the planet. Vriska’s demand that you return in ten nights is a constant reminder of what you came here to do, but it also makes you nervous about the inevitable teleporting you’ll need to do. What if you messed up and ended up somewhere you shouldn’t? Causing a paradox wouldn’t just screw up your mission, it could ruin the fabric of reality. That fear kept you from so much as doing a measly little jump down the mountainside when you left the caverns.  

Having powers was handy, sure, but sometimes it made everything, like, a thousand times more stressful than it actually had to be.

The thumping of footsteps up the stairs gives you the distraction you need to calm down. You crack open an eye in time to see Mallek and Lanque striding in.

“Hey,” you croak.

“Damn, Adalov, did you have it up in the highest setting?” Lanque mutters, turning from you to Mallek with his arms crossed. He doesn’t look very happy with what he sees.

“Medicalizers are made for trolls, not aliens,” Mallek shoots back. “You know they hurt.”

“That thing was old when you let me use it.”

“I’m sorry, did you know any other highbloods with top-notch medicalizers that could do that surgery you wanted? I don’t think so, fucker.”

“Boys, can we save the pitch stuff for later? I want these stitches out so I don’t have to keep laying around like a dead body,” you growl.  

Mallek and Lanque glance back at you, both looking a little sheepish, before Mallek slinks away to sit down at your feet while muttering something about never being pitch for pretentious assholes who can’t even wear their jackets right. Lanque messes around with a few first aid kits on the shelf beside the medicalizer before finding what he’s looking for-- a small scalpel and a pair of tweezers.

“Alright, you know the drill. Off with the sports bra,” he orders.

You groan but obey, pausing with your hand through one of the straps when you notice another pair of wide eyes on you. “Mallek. Turn around, my guy.”

A very interesting squeaky noise escapes Mallek’s chest before he turns around and all but slithers over the armrest he was leaning on. You hear him hit the floor with a thump. Lanque rolls his eyes.

“You two know each other?” you ask as you flip over to lay on your stomach.

“We’ve met a few times, yes,” Lanque confirms, kneeling down to start picking at the stitches with the scalpel. The way he says it makes you suspect there was a lot more to the story than he was letting on. “Have you already told Mallek everything?”

That was Lanque’s way of saying “Let’s change the subject”, so you let it go. “Not… everything. Are you listening, Mallek?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, because I only want to explain this once. Basically, the multiverse is a whole lot more complicated than anybody knows, and there are a lot of… powerful beings out there that like to meddle. Like, with timelines, and universes, and that kind of stuff. Are you following me?”

“I… okay?”

“So basically, this fucker called Doc Scratch is one of these god things, and he was using me to control his timeline… area… whatever. That’s why I was running around Alternia before I left, because I guess I had to help bring certain people together for the timeline to work? I don’t know. Anyways, he kidnaps me when he’s done making me do his business and makes me read this fucked up comic in his own fucked up dimension, which is also on one of your moons. Long story short, the comic’s about some other friends I made and the shit they get into in another timeline. Eventually I manage to escape from Doc Scratch with only moderate trauma. Yay, me. How are we doing so far?”

You can’t see him, which is probably a good thing. “You… the multiverse and the… okay, sure. Why not.”

“I end up on Alternia again, but in the future, and then Earth, which is my home planet. Well, not that exact version of Earth, but whatever. I end up befriending all these kids and try to help them lead better lives than they would originally in this other timeline where they all play a game that destroys the universe. I should also mention that Doc Scratch somehow wiped my memories before I escaped, so until I meet this cool chick called Aradia I… had completely forgotten about you guys.” You swallow back the lump in your throat and try to focus on Lanque pulling out your stitches. It stings.

“The last kid I made friends with was this boy called Dirk. Good kid. So we’re hanging out, and this other version of Dirk rocks up from another universe, and this bastard is a kind of god called an… Ultimate Self, I think. He tries to stop me from rewriting the timeline and then tries to kill me or whatever. I get away from him and manage to…” Crap, how do you explain this part without telling your friends you created an entire universe? “I get him to go home and leave me and the kids alone. He can’t hurt us if he’s in his own universe. After all of that I wanted to come back to see you guys again. So I did.”

Like before, you don’t mention the Director, or the little showdown between you, her, and Ultimate Dirk in Doc Scratch’s mansion. You definitely don’t tell them you’re here to help them win the rebellion. You remind yourself you’re not lying to them, you’re just… not telling them everything. To protect them.

Yeah.

“What worries me is this Scratch character,” Lanque mutters. “You said that Ultimate Self god went back to his own universe, but if Scratch still has influence over our reality…”

“I… have no idea about Scratch,” you say truthfully.

“What is he, exactly?”

You release a long sigh. “Every planet with intelligent life has a thing called a First Guardian to guide it and its people to their destinies. Timelines can have Guardians too, I think? I know that sometimes entire universes have Guardians. They keep time and space in order, basically.”

“... If this universe has a First Guardian, why can’t it go beat Scratch’s ass?” Mallek jokes.

It’s a good question, and you know he’s just trying to lighten the mood, but it still fills you with misery, anger, and a fear so powerful you almost start shaking. If… when you meet Scratch again, what will you do? Would you be able to fight him? Protect your friends from him?

If your friends knew who you really are, would they still care about you?

“That’s something I would love to see, believe me,” you manage to say.

“I’m so sorry that all of that happened to you. It’s so fucked up,” Mallek says hoarsely. “I was so pissed that you were gone. I just spent six perigees of my life thinking one of the best friends I ever had was dead and I didn’t even stop to consider that they might be having it even worse.”

“It’s not your fault. Grief makes people do and feel weird shit,” you assure him. You’re trying not to cry yourself, because you’re half-naked with a super hot guy pulling out your stitches and another hot guy hiding behind the sofa. Your life is a lot of things but boring is not one of them.

Your pain tolerance must be through the roof by now, because you don’t even feel it when Lanque pulls out the last couple threads. “All done.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Thanks, Lanque.”

He pats your back. “Come join us downstairs when you’re ready. Tyzias has something I think you’d be interested in.”

Your tiredness instantly fades away. “Oh?”

“You can’t be serious, Bombyx. They’re still recovering,” Mallek protests.

“Then get off your privileged highblood ass and come with us,” Lanque calls over his shoulder as he saunters out the door.  

Mallek yelps and dives back behind the sofa when you hop up to get dressed. Your shirt was slung over the desk chair, which you gladly yank back on over your bra as you start to shiver. Mallek’s place was always pretty chilly since he ran cold, so you’d always have to bundle up a bit when you came over to hang.

“Alright, I’m decent. My pasty white ass won’t blind you anymore,” you tell him.

“You’re more of a really pale… pinkish tawny?” he notes, tossing you your hoodie.

You decide you’d explain the different ethnic and racial categories humans have to him later. “Yeah, sure. Thanks for letting me use the medicalizer.”

“Duh. I don’t let my friends run around with broken ribs,” Mallek snorts. “Yours sure break a lot, though. Maybe I should just stick you back in there from time to time, just in case.”

You pretend to chuck the puke bowl at him and cackle when he instinctively dodges. Once upon a time, you might have told him that human vomit is acidic. Granted, it definitely is; you can feel your throat and tongue burning like a bitch, but you never specified that it wasn’t deadly or anything.

“Just put it in the load gaper!” he begs, and you laugh as you follow him down to the bathroom. You forgot how much fun it was to fuck around with him. Maybe you’d introduce him to Kuprum and Folykl, you just know that the three of them in one room would be the best thing that ever happened. That, or they’d all kill each other. Those kinds of things could be a little difficult to predict with trolls.

The puke bowl gets cleaned with water, soap, and a lot of vigorous scrubbing. Your hands get the same treatment. Once you gulp down some water and splash your face in the sink, you turn, only to realize Mallek is staring at you again. His eyes are much more blue than when you last saw him. He’s an inch or two taller as well.

“... Yeah?” you ask. Did you have vomit on your face? Fuck.

All at once, Mallek wraps you up in a hug that leaves you breathless. You hug him back instinctively, and then really go all in when you feel him shaking ever so slightly against you. He smells like chips and something vaguely smoky.

Neither of you say anything for a while. There’s something incredibly fragile in the air, and it warms you from the inside out and fills you with worry.

“I missed you,” he mumbles into your hair.

“I missed you too. So much.”

“... You don’t have to join in on whatever crazy shit they’re cooking up down there.” He chuckles nervously. “Really. You can just… I dunno. Stay with me, if you want?”

You bump your head against his chest and gently squeeze his arms. “Mallek. The world is going to change, and I want to be a part of it. Don’t you?”

“I don’t want you to die.”

You reach up to gently cup his cheek. “I’ve died before. It’s not so bad, really.”

Mallek leans into the contact, looking at everything but at you. You let yourself be held by him for a little while longer before pulling away. He doesn’t say anything else, but he does follow you down the stairs to the rest of the group.

You grin at Tyzias when she looks up at you, hopeful. “So whose lives are we gonna ruin tonight?”

[nothingeverlost]

Fic: Revelations (Archie/Gold, Costars verse)

There are many things that would make more sense right now, but I had this very loud bunny in my head and couldn’t focus on anything else until I wrote it.  And then I couldn’t find the end so at 6000 words I think I just tripled the length of Costars verse.  Also added tons of characters and relationships.  The first paragraph was written by @acoupletshort years ago in an ask she sent me that I asked if I could expand on.

The whole thing spiraled from the realization that it’s a rare verse where I haven’t mentioned a cane, and wondering if Gold had one.

Warnings: angst, panic attacks, but no character death

“I didn’t want to call.  Didn’t seem right for you to be alone.”  It was only then that Archie realized that her eyes were red.  She was upset.  She was worried about him.  There were exactly two people in the world that mattered so much that losing them would make him fall apart, and Dorothy didn’t know his brother.

________________________________

 It had been a very long day and Gold felt distinctly out of sorts. This particular storyline was not one he was comfortable with. Archie was lying in the hospital bed, generously adorned with bruises and scrapes courtesy of their make-up department. Much too realistic bruises and scrapes, if you asked Gold. The only thing that broke the perfect illusion was the soft sound of snoring. Well, it had been a long day for all of them.

The snoring, oddly, made him feel better.  That and the way Archie’s nose wrinkled when Gold touched the end of it.  “Wake up, sleeping beauty.  We’re wrapped.”

“Garrett?”  Archie scratched his nose, smearing the bruise on one of his cheeks with his wrist, turning the makeup department’s hard work into an abstract swirl of purple and blue.  The stage was empty, Archie’s scene had ended half an hour ago.

“You should get to bed earlier on days you have an early call,” Gold said with a straight face, his voice low despite the fact that they were alone.

“I went to bed plenty early.  It was the sleep part that was hard.”  He pulled back the blankets on the hospital bed.  While he wore a hospital gown nicer than what was actually found in hospitals, he also wore khakis and a pair of green argyle socks.  It wasn’t surprising that Archie wore them; he wasn’t one for walking around the set in any less than full dress.  Garrett didn’t care to be around for his love scenes with Michael, but he knew that a robe was always kept close at hand for between and after takes.  It was an uncommon modesty.

“It wasn’t the only thing that was hard,” Gold smirked, amused at the red flush under the layers of makeup.  It wasn’t often that he’d stayed the night, but Archie had made dinner and he’d provided the wine, and really after half a bottle each it would have been a bad idea to drive home.  “You have about twenty minutes to wash up before they start popping champagne bottles.”

“I can’t believe it’s been a year already.”  It was their last day of season one.  Poor Aaron would be spending the summer in a coma, a cliffhanger that hopefully had people eager to return in the fall.

“You’ll miss those four-thirty alarms, will you?”  

“I’ll miss seeing everyone.”  They had two months before rehearsals kicked off for season two.  Archie had a play lined up.  Garrett had three weeks in Scotland in a month, filming the sort of independent film that he loved but rarely paid enough to live on.  Fortunately, Dixon Landing more than paid the bills. But first he had Balin.  His boy was back tomorrow after spending the last six months with his mother in Romania while she filmed the next movie she was certain would be ‘the one’ to take her from second string to star.  As much as he looked forward to seeing his boy it was part of the reason he felt so unsettled.  He was telling Bay about Archie, and on Sunday they’d meet over dinner.  Archie deserved better than to have to keep hiding their relationship, but he needed Bay to know first.  He couldn’t have his boy learn the news from the front of some rag, or from one of Milah’s rages.

“You’ll miss seeing them at the wrap party if you don’t get your face washed, love.  And perhaps a different shirt.”  He took Archie’s hand and pulled him toward the makeup trailer.  The amount of makeup he was wearing was going to take more than a little soap and water.  It was a relief to see it all gone, to see Archie’s face unblemished and unbruised.  Gold cupped one cheek gently and kissed his lover.  “That’s better.”

II

Pongo’s barking woke him.  It had only been an hour since he’d fallen asleep, his bloodstream still mixed with champagne and some mixed drink Jefferson had been passing out, and he was dizzy when he sat up.  It was only then that he heard the knocking at the door.  Squinting at the clock that told him it was a little after three he tried to stand up.  The second time he succeeded.

“Pongo, stop.  Unless someone’s here to rob us, then you can be as loud as you want.”  But they were still knocking, and they wouldn’t do that if they were here for nefarious purposes.  Probably.  It was Hollywood, after all, and sometimes weird things happened.  Archie pulled on a robe as he headed for the door.

“Dorothy?”  His director was standing on his front porch three hours after their wrap party in jeans and a worn purple sweater she hadn’t been wearing earlier.  She never dressed so casually at work.  Pongo, quiet now that he recognized a friend, held out a paw for a shake.  Dorothy Lucas ignored him.

“I didn’t want to call.  Didn’t seem right for you to be alone.”  It was only then that Archie realized that her eyes were red.  She was upset.  She was worried about him.  There were exactly two people in the world that mattered so much that losing them would make him fall apart, and Dorothy didn’t know his brother.

“I should go get dressed.”  The clothes he’d worn to the party were in the hamper; someone had been smoking and the smell lingered.  He’d need something clean to wear.

“He’s not dead, Archie.  It’s bad, might get worse, but for right now there’s still a chance.”  Bad.  Worse.  The words echoed loud in his head.  “When you’re ready we’ll take you to the hospital.”

“We?”  The headlights were on, her car still running.

“Ruby wanted to come with me.  She thought you could use a friend.”  She offered the smallest of smiles.  “Go now, sooner you’re dressed the sooner we get there and find out what’s happened.”

His shoes didn’t match.  He didn’t realize it until he was in the car, but he wore two different shoes, one a light brown loafer, the other a darker brown dress shoe.  He stared at his feet even when Ruby said hello and asked if Pongo would be alright alone.  He said yes.  Pongo could manage alone for a few hours.  He was less certain about his own ability to be alone.  

“How did you know?”  It didn’t surprise him that Dorothy was the one the hospital called.  Garrett didn’t have any next of kin unless you counted his aunts in Scotland and his son who was too young.  But somehow she’d known to come for him, despite how low key he and Garrett had been keeping things.

“You think anything happens on my set that I don’t know about?  I know Jefferson uses an empty storage locker to hotbox but he keeps the pot smell away from the wardrobe and his costumes are brilliant so if it helps him cope then it’s his business.  I know David and Mary Margaret are going to have to own up to their relationship soon, because we’ll have to start planning a maternity plot or we’ll be finding props for her to carry to hide her belly.  And I know about Valentine's Day and the meal you and Garrett shared.  Let me tell you I was this close to knocking your heads together and telling you to figure it out after we hired Michael.  Gold was a bear those first weeks, and the less clothes you wore on set the worse he was.”

“Granny!”  Ruby interjected.  

“It’s true.”  Dorothy glanced in the rearview mirror for just a moment.  The light at the next intersection was turning yellow but she raced through it.  They were making good time, but it still felt slow.

“No boundaries, none at all.  She’s like this every time I make plans for a date too.”  Ruby reached over and squeezed his hand.  “It’s going to be okay, Arch.  It will.”

II

The nursing staff in the ER didn’t have much to tell them.  Garrett’s car had been hit from the side; someone running a red light after stealing from a convenience store.  The other driver was fine, just a little bruising from the seatbelt.  The cop chasing him, fortunately, had been able to call an ambulance right away.  They’d had to cut the door off the car to get him out.

They weren’t sure they’d be able to save his leg.  Once they’d gotten him stable enough they’d taken him straight to surgery.

“Archie?”  They were in a waiting room, him and Dorothy and David, who had only arrived half an hour ago.  Ruby had volunteered to go feed Pongo.  Archie looked up to find a doctor, a fresh coat covering his dirty scrubs.  Garrett’s blood.

“Graham?”  It hadn’t occurred to him that they were at the hospital where Graham worked.  Honestly, he didn’t know what hospital they were at.  He and Graham had dated for a while when he’d first moved to Hollywood.  It had started out as friends, and occasionally crashing on his couch.  It had returned to friendship, though he didn’t use the couch anymore.

“You’re here for Garrett Gold?”  

“I am.”  He stood, facing Graham.  It took him a moment to remember that he wasn’t alone.  “We are.  Dorothy and David are coworkers.”

“He’s out of surgery.  We were able to replace the vein in his leg, and as long as it takes he should be able to keep the leg but there’s damage.  We’ll have a better idea later how much.”  Graham reached out, touching Archie’s arm.  “We’ll have him in a room soon and you can sit with him.”

“How long until he wakes up?”  This morning he’d been in a hospital bed, Garrett sitting in the chair beside him.  Between takes they’d had coffee and talked and Archie had cracked bad jokes about the kind of care one could expect when their doctor also sold razors on a Bick commercial and what type of food they brought coma patients.  Anything to get Garrett to relax; he’d been tense since he’d first seen Archie in his makeup.  His ‘injuries’ had washed away in minutes, though.  

“I don’t know, Archie.  There’s head trauma from the accident as well.  He has a whole team of doctors monitoring him.  We’ll make sure you know as much as we know, I promise.”  Graham’s hold on his arm tightened.  “I have to go get cleaned up but I’ll find you later, okay?  I’d like to hear about your guy.”

“Your guy?”  David was playing with his now empty coffee cup and looking at Archie, perplexed.  

“We weren’t ready to tell people yet.  Garrett was going to tell his son this weekend.”  The plan was to tell their coworkers after that, and then decide how to deal with the media.  The plan had changed.

“Huh, I’m surprised.”

“That he likes men or that he’s with me?”  He knew that Garrett hadn’t been with a man before.  He hadn’t been with many women, either, outside of his sixteen-year marriage.

“That anyone got past his defenses.  I know about a couple of first dates, and that’s usually when it comes to those types of events where it looks better to show up as a couple.  Never heard of anyone getting even a second date.  It makes sense, though.  I mean I can see it, and it explains why he’s been in a better mood the last couple of months.”  David crumpled up his cup and tossed it in a trash can.  “I’m going to start making calls to people.  We only have about an hour until the first news show and no one needs to learn about the accident that way.  I can at least let them know what we know.”

“He’s right, you know.  Gold’s always been reserved, but he’s different since at least Christmas.  He talks to people between scenes.  Takes more time to notice the people around him.  And he’s just a little less hostile towards the press, enough to at least do a couple of interviews.  Reminds me of when I first met him, before the last couple of years of marriage and the divorce.  She did a number on him.”  Dorothy Lucas patted the chair next to her.  “You need to sit.  Pacing isn’t going to make them come any faster to take you to him.”

“He doesn’t talk about her.”  He’d mentioned her a few times, but only in regards to custody arrangements and his son’s schedule.  He wouldn’t even know her name, except that everyone knew.  Five years ago the divorce and custody battle of Garrett and Milah Gold had been big news.

“In a just world no one would talk about her, and she’d just fade away.  She has about as much talent as a hand model for a local tv commercial and as much morality as an ally cat in heat.  But it’s not my business.”  She pressed her lips together as if she wanted to make it her business.  She had more to say about Milah Gold and it wouldn’t be hard to get it out of her.  Archie didn’t want to know, not unless Garrett wanted to tell him.  “You and Gold, you tested well against each other when we were doing the casting.  But it’s nothing compared to how you two are now.  Sexual or brotherly, it doesn’t matter once the camera is rolling it’s all chemistry.  The bond between you two…”

“Mr. Hopper?  Doctor Humbert said you were allowed to sit with Garrett Gold.  He’s been moved into a room.”  Archie blinked when the nurse addressed him.  He suddenly felt like he was glued to his seat.  

“Go on.  You go hold his hand and talk to him.  That bond you share, it goes both ways.  You make sure he knows that he’s firmly attached here, that you’re not letting go.”  Perhaps it was because she was using the same tone she used when directing, but he found himself moving without thinking.  He didn’t stop until he was in the doorway of a private room, looking at the space that looked the same but completely different from their set on the studio lot.

Garrett’s bruises wouldn’t wash away and his bandages didn’t come from the wardrobe department.  

“I wish this was a dress rehearsal.”  It hadn’t been bad, when he and Garrett had practiced their scenes for the show’s season finale.  They’d run over the lines at his place, and their private rehearsal had ended with a scene that was not appropriate between two brothers, and certainly would have been flagged by the censors.  But the first time Archie had the makeup put on Garrett had turned white and had turned and left the room.  It was too real, he’d told Archie when they were alone.

“I need you to wake up, Garrett.”  He took his lover’s hand, glad that his arms seemed relatively unblemished.  His leg was in traction.  The side of his face had gauze taped to it, the rusty red of dried blood seeping through to let him know that there were unseen lacerations in addition to the bruises already forming.  But worse of all his eyes were closed and he was too still.  

“We have plans.”  Tomorrow they were supposed to have brunch with Bay, so they could meet for the first time.

Balin. Oh crap, his plane would be coming in this afternoon and Garrett was supposed to pick him up.  He was flying alone, his mother off for vacation in the Caribbean with her costar.  He had no idea how to contact her.  

“I’ll make sure someone is there for him.”  He didn’t promise it would be him; right now he couldn’t imagine being able to make himself leave Garrett’s side.

II

The flight was half an hour late.  Ruby had made sure he had a hat and dark glasses, so he wouldn’t be recognized.  A year ago it wouldn’t have been too much of a concern but Dixon was doing well and had the cover of a couple of magazines in the last months.  She’d also clearly inherited her granny’s take charge genes, because she’d talked to someone from TSA and had gotten them a security escort that took them through to the gate where Bay’s plane would land.

“He’ll be here soon.”  Ruby was still a high school student for almost a month, but Archie felt like she was the adult currently.  She’d been the one to accept David’s offer to sit with Garrett, and had insisted they leave with enough time to get something to eat.  Dorothy had been the one to tell him firmly that he needed to be the one to pick up Balin, that it’s what Gold would ask him to do, but it was Ruby who insisted on coming with him and refused to let him drive.

“I’ve never met him.”  He was nervous enough about meeting Garrett’s son under far better circumstances.  It was nothing compared to the nerves he felt having to tell a thirteen-year-old boy that his dad was in a coma.

“Even if you weren’t Gold’s… are we saying boyfriend?  I mean is that what you two…” Ruby shook her head.  “Nevermind.  Even if you weren’t dating you’d be one of the best choices for this.  You’re a good guy, Archie.  All the animals on set love you, not just Pongo.  You stop and entertain any kid who comes across your path; Henry would live in your trailer if you let him.  And you’re even nice to the annoying teenager that pesters you into trying on the clothes she makes at home.”

“I liked that vest you brought in last week.”  He’d first talked to Ruby because of Pongo, and had fallen into an easy friendship.  She was an amateur photographer and a not quite as amateur seamstress who dreamed of going into fashion design.  “And you’re not annoying.”

“The vest was awesome and I’m very annoying, which proves my point.  You’re a good guy and Balin is lucky you’re the one picking him up.”

“There’s nothing lucky about this.”  Lucky would be a car being seconds faster and Garrett picking up his own kid.  Lucky would at least be Garrett’s eyes opening before he’d left the hospital.

“The plane’s landing.”  Ruby squeezed his hand.  He’d worried, when they first met, about how much she touched him.  Worried that she had a crush, maybe.  But when he’d dared to approach Dorothy about it she’d laughed and said that was just how Ruby was with friends, and everyone knew that his dating pool didn’t run to girls of any type, let alone ones that were underage.

“Oh dear.”  He looked at his phone.  No new messages.  They would have texted him if Garrett had woken up.  Would they have texted him if things had gotten worse?  They would, wouldn’t they?  They wouldn’t let him bring Balin back to the hospital without a warning.

“What do we know besides 13-year-old boy?”  Ruby asked as they opened the door.

“Brown curly hair.  Garrett says that Bay just passed him up in height.  He should be…”  But there was no point saying more, not when the boy was walking through the door with a backpack slung over one shoulder.  He looked just like the pictures Archie had seen in his love’s house.

“Balin Gold.”  He waited until the boy was closer, but there was no reaction.  

“Wait.”  When Balin passed him by Archie took a few steps.  Without thinking he reached out, his fingers brushing against the backpack.  “We need to talk.”

“You second rate reporters will try anything, won’t you?  I don’t talk about my dad to the press.”

“I’m not a reporter.”  In all his worry it had never occurred to him that he might need to convince Balin that he was someone to trust.

“He really isn’t.  Well, there was that Hallmark movie that one time, but that would be like calling him a doctor because of that cough syrup commercial he did.”  Ruby dodged around a couple of people to stand in front of Bay.  

“I’m a friend of your dad’s.”  A too-mild term that at least didn’t feel like a lie.  He and Garrett were good friends, they were just other things too.  “We work together.”

“And her?”  Unconvinced, Bay pointed at Ruby.  “She’s not an intern?”

“She’s the granddaughter of our director.  This is Ruby.  I’m Archie.”

“Archie Hopper?”  When Bay narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side he looked so much like his dad it hurt.  Finally, he nodded, shoulders relaxing.  “I couldn’t get full episodes in Romania but I found clips on youtube.  You’re Aaron.”

“Yeah.  Sorry about the hat and glasses but…”

“Reporters.  Fans.  I get it.”  Archie supposed that he’d been living with it long enough.  “Did dad send you to get me?”

“We should go get your bags.”  The airport wasn’t really the place for the conversation they needed to have.

“Where’s my dad?”  Bay had been starting to walk but he stopped, taking a step back.  “I talked to him yesterday, he was going to be here.”

“I’m going to go talk to someone and see if we can have Balin’s bags deliver to Gold’s house, and then I’m going to go get the car, okay?”  Ruby, once she made up her mind, was gone before he had a chance to answer.  Fortunately, everyone getting off the plane seemed to be gone and the area where they stood seemed quiet.  Archie glanced over to an alcove where a trio of vending machines stood.  He nodded, and hoped that Bay would at least trust him enough to follow the few steps.

“Garrett wanted to be here.  He’s been talking for weeks about you coming home.”  It had been the beginning of December when Bay had left. They hadn’t even had a chance to celebrate Christmas or his birthday.  “There was an accident last night.  His car…”

“Is he dead?”  Garrett’s son had, it seemed, inherited his ability to hide almost everything.  His face was perfectly schooled, as if he’d asked about the weather.  Except his eyes.  Archie could see a hint of the storm he was trying to hide in his eyes.  Archie took off his sunglasses.

“No.  And he’s not… I don’t think… I want…”  He took a deep breath.  “It’s only been a few hours.  He hasn’t woken up yet but he just needs time.”

“Can I see him?”  Bay’s hand was wrapped around one of the straps of his backpack, his knuckles white.

“We’ll go straight there,” he promised, relieved that he too would be able to return soon.  It had been more than an hour.

II

“Papa.”  Bay was quiet on the ride, perhaps because Archie was silent as well, or because Ruby was anything but quiet, filling the space the other two left.  They took the elevator straight up to the seventh floor and to Garrett’s room, where David quietly ducked out to allow them in.  Everything looked exactly the same.  Archie itched to touch his hand to Gold’s, to kiss his forehead, to brush smooth the hair that had fallen against Garrett’s cheek, but he stayed back.  

“We’re supposed to be going out for pizza, dad.  Real American pizza.   You promised.”  Bay had the chair as close to the bed as it would go, his hand wrapped around his dad’s hand, the backpack he’d brought with him tossed in one corner.

“Are you hungry?” Archie asked softly.  He’d never been to Romania but he knew the flight was even longer than the one to London and that had been exhausting.

“I don’t want to leave him.”  It wasn’t a no, so Archie took it as a yes.

“I’ll see what we can find.”  It was hard to make himself leave the room.  Harder not to turn right around and go back in.

“Archie?”  At some point in the last hour Mary Margaret had arrived, apparently.  She left David’s side to give him a hug.  It wasn’t until her arms were around him that he realized he was shaking.

“I’m fine.  I just, I told Balin, I need…”  He was shaking enough that his teeth were chattering and he couldn’t make even the simple request on Bay’s behalf.  He couldn’t find the words.

Or air.  He couldn’t breathe.

Vaguely he heard someone telling him to sit, and found himself collapsing into a chair, his body folding in on itself.  Someone’s hand was warm against his back and someone was trying to tell him something but he couldn’t hear them over the pounding sound in his ears.  His head was between his knees but it only made his chest feel tighter.

“Archie I need you to look at me.”  Suddenly Graham was sitting on the floor before him, a hand on each of his knees, repeating his name until he looked up.

“You’re going to take one breath now, Archie.  Breathe in.  Alright?  Just think about the air coming in, like those elocution exercises you used to do all the time in the mirror.  They all started with needing to breathe, right?”  Archie didn’t hear half of what he said, but he took in a breath because he knew Graham wouldn’t stop until he did.  The second was a little easier.

“I’m okay.”  Even to his own ear his voice was shaky and unconvincing.  

“It’s okay to not be okay, Archie.”  Mary Margaret’s hand was on his shoulder.

“I’m going to go get you something.”  Graham started to get up.  Archie shook his head, but Graham gave him one of his ‘I’m the doctor’ looks that both annoyed Archie and made him feel better, often at the same time.  “Nothing to sedate you, I promise.”

“I told Balin I would get him something to eat,” Archie said once Graham was gone.  He was suddenly feeling exhausted.  

“I’ll go get food,” David volunteered.  “Can I get anything for you?”

Archie shook his head.  The only thing he wanted David couldn’t get for him.  “Ruby made me eat on the way to the airport.  Balin’s been on a plane since yesterday, though.”

“And out of the country.  I think I remember how to buy food for a teenage boy.”  Once David left it was just Mary Margaret and Dorothy; Ruby had been sent home to work on homework.  She had a project due Monday, and only a few weeks until finals.

“Maybe you should get some sleep,” Dorothy suggested.  Archie shook his head.  He was afraid of missing something.  Besides, the last time he’d slept his world had come crashing down.  He stayed in his chair and waited.

II

“Did you want to stop anywhere on the way home?”  It was ten, and the hospital staff had suggested, rather firmly, that they should go home and get some sleep.  He and Bay had both been reluctant to leave, but Archie had finally been motivated by Bay half falling asleep in his chair.  Garrett had no family other than his aunts in Scotland, and Bay’s mother was unreachable, apparently for the better part of the next two weeks.  Archie didn’t know what they’d do, but for the moment the best answer seemed to be taking Bay to his own home, and staying over.  The teen couldn’t be alone.  Dorothy had offered a room, but Bay chose his own home.

“I just want to sleep.  We can go back in the morning, right?”  Bay hadn’t talked much in the last hours, unless asked a direct question.  

“Yeah, we’ll go back after we get some sleep.”  He drove up to the house in an old neighborhood; not ostentatious like many of the wealthy areas of town, but a quieter elegance.  Archie had laughed at the pink house the first time he’d seen it, but now it felt like the most comfortable place he knew.  Bay’s suitcases were on the porch waiting for them.  Archie used the key on his ring to unlock the door.

“You have a key to the house?”  It was the first genuine curiosity Archie had heard that wasn’t related to needing answers from doctors they couldn’t give him.

“Your dad watched Pongo, my dog, the last time I was out of town.”  It wasn’t really an answer, but he wasn’t sure if it was wise to say anything about just how close he and Garrett really were.  “He’s a good friend.”

“Dad loves dogs, but always says he works too much to have one.”  Bay grabbed one of his suitcases.  Archie too the other.  They both headed straight for the stairs.  “Where’s Pongo now?”

“Ruby picked him up and took him home.  Dorothy has a yard he can run around in.”  He’d considered picking up his dog, but they’d be right back at the hospital in the morning without even the time for a walk and Pongo deserved more attention.  “Are you warm enough?  I could turn on the heater, it’s still a little cool at night.”

“I have extra blankets if I’m cold.  I’m just going to go to bed, okay?”  Bay paused in the doorway to his bedroom.  Though unused from months it still looked lived in.  “I’m sorry if I was rude at the airport.  I appreciate you doing all this for me.  The ride and staying here, and stuff.”

“I’m here for anything you need.”  The boy ran a hand through his curly hair, suddenly looking far younger than his thirteen years.  “Sleep well.”

“Yeah.”  He shut the door behind him, leaving Archie in the hall, just across from Garrett’s bedroom.  The door was open, and Archie crossed through the doorway, turning on the light. Nothing looked different than it had a couple of nights ago, except for the very noticeable absence of the only person he wanted to see.  Archie looked at the bed where they’d made love together.  He looked at the gold silk robe draped over the chair and the slippers on the floor.  There was a book of poetry on the bedside table by Pablo Neruda that Garrett had read aloud just a few nights ago.  The room was haunted; Archie turned off the light and left.  He couldn’t stay there; at the end of the hall was the guest room.   He took off his shoes and glasses and laid down on top of the bed.  Before he could sleep he called the hospital to check in; nothing had changed.

II

“He’s awake.”  Archie woke to shaking, and blinked his eyes open to find that Bay had a hand on his shoulder.

“What?”  It took a moment for the words to penetrate his sleep fogged brain.  “Garrett’s awake?”

“Yeah. The hospital called.”  Bay grinned.  “They said he woke up about half an hour again.  He fell asleep again but it’s just sleep.  Regular sleep.”

“Oh.”  Archie sat up, but before he could say anything else he ran out of the room, barely making it into the hall bathroom before dry heaving into the toilet.  His stomach clenched, but his last meal had been far too long ago.  He took a few breaths before he felt like he could attempt standing.  Bay was standing in the doorway.  “I’m sorry, I was just…”

“Dad’s not your friend, is he?”  Bay leaned against the doorframe, watching him intently.  

“What?  Why?  Of course he’s my friend.”  He still felt shaky, and turned on the cold water in the sink to splash his face.  

“I guess I mean he’s not just your friend.  Some people can be both, can’t they?  Friends and something else.”  

Archie stared at him.  “Something else?”

“There’s a picture of you two on dad’s mirror, with your dog.  Pongo’s a dalmatian, that’s cool.”  Archie nodded; he knew which picture it was.  He’d dragged Garrett into joining him for a celebrity walk-a-thon with him and Pongo.  Someone had snapped a picture at the finish line, his arm around Garrett’s neck.  The caption had read something about coworkers working together off-camera to raise money for charity, but Archie had worried about the picture.  Maybe the rest of the world couldn’t see it, but Archie could tell at a glance that he looked besotted, looking at Garrett rather than the camera.  Apparently Gold’s thirteen-year-old kid was perceptive too.  “There’s green juice in the fridge and granola bars on the counter.  I don’t think dad knows what granola is.  What do you usually have for breakfast Archie?”

“You already had a lot to deal with, I didn’t want to tell you more that didn’t matter.  Your dad was going to tell you about us.”  Archie looked down at his wrinkled shirt.  At least he didn’t have to worry about explaining the fact that he had clean clothes here.  “This wasn’t how I wanted to meet you.”  

“It’s weird.  He’s never brought anyone home before.”  When Archie looked up at him Balin shrugged.  “My mom, she likes to have men around.  Even before she and dad… Whatever.  But it’s been five years and dad hasn’t ever brought someone home, so it must matter.  Right?”

“I love him.”  He hadn’t told anyone other than Garrett and his brother, and it was strange making the confession to someone he’d just met yesterday.

“Can we drive through Starbucks on the way to the hospital?”  The sudden change in conversation made Archie blink.  He stared for a moment before nodding.

“I’ll get dressed.”

“I just need to get my shoes on.”  Bay half turned, but then paused.  “My dad’s been lonely for a long time.  It’s good, you know, if he’s not alone anymore.”

II

Garrett was sleeping when they arrived at the hospital, but he’d woken a second time and was able to answer questions.  Archie hesitated in the doorway, allowing Bay to take the seat next to his dad’s hand.

“We can find a second chair, can’t we?”  Bay asked.  Archie nodded and went to ask the nurse for a chair.  He was relieved that Bay was okay with him being there too.  He couldn’t imagine what the boy was going through, arriving home to find his dad in a coma and a stranger dating his dad.  Then again his own emotions if he’d even found his dad in a coma would have been wildly different; by thirteen he had already been placed in foster care with Marco’s family.

“I told my mom I wanted to live with him.  I know they’re supposed to have joint custody but I hate bouncing back and forth even when they’re both here.  Mom was mad but I know she likes being able to do whatever she wants without worrying about school and stuff.  I haven’t asked dad yet, but I think…”

“He’d love it,” Archie said without hesitation.  “He talks about you all the time.  When we had a week off for Easter he kept looking at plane tickets but he’d have to spend half the time traveling and would only get to see you for a couple of days.  He kept telling me all the things you two had planned for the summer.”

“I hated Romania.  I wanted to be home.”

“Want you home too.”  Garrett’s voice was dry and hard to hear even in the relative silence of the room.  Archie had never heard any sound that meant more.

“Dad.”  Bay pressed his lips together, his eyes tearing up.  “This was not a part of our deal.”

“Bad timing.”  Garrett winced when he moved.

“I’ll go get a nurse,” Archie offered, planning to slip out so father and son could have a minute in private.  Garrett had other ideas.

“No.”  Shaking his head perhaps took too much energy, but he wiggled the fingers on the hand Arche had just released.  “Stay.”

“For as long as you want,” Archie promised.  After a moment’s hesitation he leaned down and kissed his love’s forehead.

“Forever,” Garrett said sleepily, eyes already fluttering closed.  “Both of you.”

[lokibug]

Blinded

Pairing: Loki x Blind!Reader

Summary: Beauty and the Beast AU in which Loki is forced to stay in his Jotun form until another human loves him. He becomes a caretaker for You due to be recently permanently blind.

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Mention of Blood

Song: Heal by Tom Odell

A/N: Hey everyone sorry for the delay and the length of this one, but there’s more to come. Also for those in my ask box, I’m sorry but I can’t add more people in the tags. I’ve hit the limit as well as realizing the struggle of tagging people in the comments, but I’m still so honored for all of you in support of my story. Enjoy!

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7| Part 8| Part 9| Part 10

Sirens flared throughout the streets. It was as if everything were happening in slow motion. Stephanie pulling Y/N away from her father’s limp body. Loki making sure the medics lifted him properly. The God was not used to such a sight, he always seen humans as such weak specimens. Little did he know how strong they could be as well. For their flesh might’ve been weak, but their hearts far more intense than all else.

In order to save y/f/n’s life, the surgeons had to put him through surgery immediately. They worked as fast as they could in an attempt to save y/n’s father’s life. Y/N stood side by side with Loki and Stephanie. All with sorrowed faces. Despite all looking like complete messes, the doctors allowed them in a side waiting room so they wouldn’t disturb other worried patients. Y/N cling to Loki’s arm as her foot continuously and impatiently tapped on the carpeted floor. The wait allowed her to stop her sobbing and control herself somewhat. Stephanie rubbed y/n’s other hand in an attempt to comfort her. It worked for the moment.

Four hours later, a doctor came to the three of them. He asked to speak to y/n alone, despite her not truly being able to handle it...she went anyways. He broke the news that her father pulled through, but due to health conditions slipped into a coma. The tears appeared again and she felt as if she was going to scream. Instead she remained quiet minus a few sniffles. The doctor apologized and informed her of the process of which they were going to go through with her father’s recovery. After another half hour of explaining, Loki finally ushered her out of the hospital.

“Y/N?” Stephanie whispered, “Do you need me to stay with you tonight?” Y/N pondered over in her mind and rubbed her hands on her dress, still damped with spots of her father’s blood.

Raspy voiced, she responded, “Thank you Stephanie,” she sniffed, “But I think I’ll be okay...”

Stephanie gave her a tight hug and rubbed her palms on y/n’s back, “If you need anything at any time, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you...” she whispered before pulling away and grabbed onto Loki’s arm.

Y/N said nothing on the way home. She remained silent and leaned against the window of the car that took them home. Her heart was shattered and her beloved could only sit there and watch. He didn’t know how to hold her hand or display any type of love in the moment. Upon arriving to their home, y/n only held onto Loki until they made it completely inside. She wordlessly grabbed a robe for the shower. She showered for almost an hour scrubbing her skin till it burned. She never thought the smell would disappear. She was absolutely a nervous wreck. No tears fell as they did before, her mind only rewound on a continuous loop of the possible outcomes.

She grabbed the brush from the cabinet and ran it through her wet hair. Loki was near by, she had been inside the bathroom far too long and he was beginning to worry about her, well if had ever stopped worrying to begin with. The lights were dimmed and the main light source came from the moon. She stepped out of the bathroom and into the room. She had bumped into the doorway twice and groaned. She rubbed her arm and threw the dress on the bed. Y/N slowly stepped out the room and into the living room.

“Hey..” Loki said softly.

“Hey—“ suddenly y/n bumped her shin into the coffee table knocking over the coasters and she groaned. “—fucking shit! I can’t do t-this!” She began to sob as her body shook and she slowly sunk to the floor. Loki quickly went over to her. He wrapped his arms around her and gently carried her upon the couch. His cold fingers released her as he looked at her hands covering her face.

“Hey, Hey, Hey...” he whispered, “Y/N...please...talk to me...tell me what’s on your mind..” he encouraged her to voice her sorrow.

Catching her breath Y/N opened her eyelids, something she had never done before. The obvious pain and confusion laid in them and caused Loki’s heart to break. He knew not of the accident that caused this but he knew that she absolutely hated the thought of what her eyes must’ve looked like. “I can’t even walk to t-the living room without being scared sometimes Loki. I remember looking into my dad’s eyes and seeing only love. The only love I’ve ever known. Loki-I’ll never see him again because I’m fucking disabled and blind! I can’t do anything, what if I never feel him again?...what if he never scolds me again for making inappropriate jokes—o-or ask me about the movies no one else likes...” she laid her head down, “...I’m never going to see him again.” She his her face from him.

Loki quickly took his palms and placed them on her cheeks so she would face him. She could see his shadow from the moonlight. “Y/N,” his voice cracked, “Your father loves you, he loves you so much. He does not want you to worry for him, he’s going to be okay. I can’t promise, but y/n there’s hope. You taught that to me. There’s so much hope that we have...if you don’t have enough then I suppose I shall have enough for the both of us...” He pulled her into a tight hug as his eyes watered, “And you cry if you need to cry...don’t every deny yourself the privilege of your humanity. For you are the most beautiful and loving human I’ve ever met.” He stroked the back of her head as she buried her face in his shoulder as she quietly cried. Loki held onto her for as long as she was able to not fall asleep from exhaustion. The whole time she felt safe...warm, even in his cold aura. She didn’t understand what changed in him, why he was so nice to her. Perhaps Stephanie was right, maybe Loki was into her.

Little did she know this entire evening Loki felt lucky enough to hold the woman he felt he could love if he hadn’t already. Without his magic, it pained him to see that there was physically nothing he could do about the situation. What he did know, was that he had a pretty good idea as to who it could’ve been.

The two eventually made their way to bed, Loki gently lying her down and keeping her company until she was fully asleep. The next morning across town, the rather bad part of town, Lucas stood in an alley way in a hat and trench coat that shielded most of his identity. He held a suitcase full of money and waited until another hooded man appeared before him.

“You bring it all?...” The brown haired man spoke to him rubbing his gloved hands together.

Lucas nodded, “All of it here, the rest transferred.” He then handed over the briefcase into the hands that held a gun the previous evening.

“It better all be there, or we’ll make sure we get it.” He said inspecting the case. He snapped it closed once more as two other large men stood at the end of the alley way. Lucas eyed them and looked back at the man. “Are you threatening me?” He questioned.

“And what do you think you’re gonna do about it pretty boy?”

Lucas merely chuckled and wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb, “You fellas have a good day.” With that he turned on his heels and walked in the opposite direction. With everything going just the way Lucas planned, he knew it was only a matter of time till he neared his goal and no one was getting in his way. He was going to deal with things his no matter who got in his way.

Since visiting hours started Y/N and Loki made their way down to the hospital. Loki still wore the surgical mask and hat. He left in the contacts and makeup from the previous night as Stephanie guided him on how to do so. Y/N managed to throw on whatever hoodie and jeans were lying around. She was eager to know her father’s condition. It was stable and improving, she was glad to hear this.

Loki stepped into the hospital room, seeing Y/N curled up on a chair next to the bed. She was caressing her dad’s limp hand and in deep thought. Hearing the quiet footsteps, she cleared her throat, “Who’s there?”

“It’s me love, I brought you back something from that room down stairs. They said they sold food and I just brought you back this...turkey,” he inspected the label, “sandwich and some of those chips you buy.” She sat up and smirked softly.

“Thank you, Loki. I was thinking I could read to him. I read somewhere that if you keep talking to coma patients that they could hear you. He loved when I could read to him, so I brought my brail book Stephanie got me. It’s in my bag, can you hand it to me?” She asked retrieving the items Loki had just brought her.

Loki rummaged through the black backpack next to the wall. He found a few things but no sign of the book.

“Hm, I can’t seem to find the book. I don’t think you put it in there.” He commented. Obvious disappointment was painted upon y/n’s face. Loki looked away from the bag to her face and rubbed his hands together. “I could go retrieve it for you. Carry it back, if you’d like.”

“You sure?...” She asked softly rubbing the plastic on the sandwich packaging.

“Of course,” he walked over to her and placed a soft kiss upon the of her head, “excuse me while I’m gone. If you need me for anything in the mean time, I’ll have the phone.”

“You mean the voice box?” She asked and chuckled softly. Loki shook his head, “A smart woman once told me it’s called a phone okay.” He turned on his heels and headed out the room once more.

After calling a taxi and getting a ride back to the apartment, he had a weird feeling. Almost an aura. He made his way up the stairs and to the door, pulling out his keys he put his hand around the door knob. Twisting it, he realized it was already unlocked. Stepping in her glanced around. The chair in the living room was occupied by none other than Lucas.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Loki asked composed. His demeanor never changing despite his emotions.

“Ah Loki. Loki Laufeyson?” He asked standing to his feet and stood near him, “or was it Odinson?”

Loki’s eyebrows immediately furrowed and he looked confused.

“Surprised? Did you really think you could hide forever? Helping out a poor blind girl, nice cover up really, almost had me fooled. How long do you think it will take for her to find out? I do see the way you look at her,” he circled around Loki slowly an evil smile present upon his chiseled cheeks, “like you two are going to have a happy ending. Pathetic.”

Loki’s jaw clenched as did his fists. He closed his eyes painfully holding back the urge to slam the blonde man into the wall. “What do you want?..” he growled.

“What do I want?...it’s quite simple really monster, I want you to hurt her. Break her heart,” he whispered in his ear, “crush her soul. Make her absolutely despise the sound of your voice.”

“Or?...” He questioned gazing equally as aggressive into Lucas’ eyes.

“Or, I tell her your little secret...making sure she knows of the monster you really are, and minimize the chances of that old fool ever rising from that coma...choose correctly Mr. Odinson.”

Fuming, Loki watched as Lucas as he chuckled and exited the apartment.

Loki taglist: @drakesfiance @sunflqweroses @bambamwolf87 @pandaqua @bonelessbarnes @dorkybryan @hunter-demigod-timelord @thatmemequeen @powerstrangerdacre @barnes-infinity-bucky

Story Taglist: @mrssangsterstylesxavier @awkward-silence-turtle @vxidnik @fandoms-allovertheplace @limedane21 @yourpotatotwiceremooved @crazyweirdgeekthatneedstochill @ajduurikscjsja @kiwigrease @fireismysaftey @nhievyenne @bambi-loki @bilesxbilinskixlahey @jessiejunebug @imarockstar45 @fuckthatfeeling @the-deity-ofthe-cosmos @chibiyanai @zarizha @mell-bell @blueskiesbleakeyes @always-kneel-to-loki @graveyardchild @some-person-somewhere @aljadams369 @marvelc00kie35 @harleykittykat @lokis-little-kitten @sparkling-liability @youveseen--thebutcher @wickedscorpio22 @zeddlocket @sheeraverage @trenchcoatdevilsworld @wishrains

Permanent Taglist: @marvelismylifffe @libbymouse @keithseabrook27 @maladaptive-ninja-returns

[rad-neto]

“Feels Like Drowning.”

@lawlu-events | FOR THE LAWLU BIG BANG 2018 | artwork by @ariririsu 

He was in love.

A simple conclusion brought together by a series of not exactly unfortunate events. He was quite simply in love and almost terrifyingly so.

Oh god.

He was in love.

It wasn’t as simple as he thought it was going to be, actually. In fact, he is rather terrified. He was in love and scared and he had never felt something as amazing as those two emotions smashed together like some disgusting sandwich.

At twenty-seven years old he fell in love for the very first time and it felt like drowning.

Trafalgar D. Water Law, P.h.D. in a lot of things that aren’t particularly important to this story. But he was a medical person, to be unspecific. He was medical and magical, like most folk were. Magical, that is, not medical. Although there were plenty of medical people out there, just to clarify. But Law was a wizard as well as a surgeon and it came in handy in tricky situations, he supposed. Like saving the life of a seventeen year old boy who had gotten himself impaled on a thing. Yes, a thing, just a thing because a surgery that happened two years ago was two years too long for him to bother remembering what exactly a person was impaled with because two years ago it didn’t really matter to him.

Two years later it did matter a lot more than he expected because two years later a lot of unexpected things began to occur in his life, that on any normal day he would question, but there was no normal day left for him to be allowed to ponder those thoughts. Two years later, he met a boy named Monkey D. Luffy, a wizard like him. A freakishly powerful wizard who could probably split mountains with a simple armament spell casted on his fist. Not only that, but Luffy had, like, a lot of insanely powerful wizard friends who scared Law a lot, not that he would ever admit that.

But he supposed it was his fault anyway for saving Luffy’s life two years ago.

It started in January. He received a knock on his door at five in the evening. It was a Saturday and it was his day off and he was just about to order some dinner from that Thai restaurant down the street when it happened. With a sigh, Law set down his cell phone and walked up to the door, opening it without checking the peep hole first. On the other side was two men. They were both the same height, roughly. One had wavy blonde hair and a burn that covered the left side of his face which would seem terrifying if it weren’t for the fact that his smile was gentle and kind and not at all psychotic like you would expect. The other had black hair and several freckles decorating his face. He didn’t look as friendly as the other man, but Law willed himself to be unbothered by it.

“Can I help you?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound as impatient as he felt.

“Sorry for bothering you,” the blonde one said. “But we had just moved in next door and we kinda felt the need to introduce ourselves to the neighbors. My name is Sabo and this is my brother Ace and we also have a little brother named Luffy but he’s out with his friends right now so it’s just us at the moment. I made casserole as a gift.” He held up a foil covered container Law just now noticed and before he could say anything it was pushed into his hands.

From a crack in the foil, he could smell the dish and its savory, cheesy aroma had his stomach aching. “Thank you,” he said, almost unsurely. “I’m Dr. Trafalgar Law, it’s a pleasure meeting you.” Again, with the formalities. He was tired of speaking so politely after having to do so much of it at the hospital already.

The brothers left him with brief instructions of how to heat up the casserole if it gets too cold before returning to the apartment beside his. He really was grateful for the food, it saved him from wasting money on mediocre Thai food takeout. Law spent the next few hours preparing and eating dinner alone while watching reruns of Doctor Who on his box TV.

While being a surgeon does get him a lot of money, Law was more of the type to conserve his money rather than spend it recklessly on things that weren’t essential to him like a fancy house or car. Hell, he didn’t even drive to work, he took the bus just so he could save a couple dollars that he could use to pay rent and his bills.

He shoveled another bite of casserole into his mouth, chewing slowly as he watched the opening sequence of the Doctor Who episode began to play. One might think a life like this was lonely, but he didn’t mind it. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Not even when he wakes up alone in his bed, the sheets cold and the silence deafening. Not even when he eats dinner alone, watching television until he passes out on his couch. Not even when he unlocks the door to his apartment and walks into an empty home. He wasn’t lonely. He wasn’t lonely at all.

Suddenly, his door blasted open and he was sprayed with bits of wood and brick.

Of course he was surprised by this. Exploding doors was not a common occurrence. It wasn’t even mentioned in the advert when he found this vacant apartment a few years ago.

Law coughed up the smoke that had invaded the lungs, swiping at the dust in the air as he stood from his seat and approached his ruined doorway. On the floor of his apartment was a boy. A boy wearing a straw hat and sandals. The boy laid there for a few moments before slowly detaching himself from the ground, dust and debris covering every part of him. He coughed once.

“Hi,” the boy said cheerily, grinning at Law.

“You destroyed my door.”

Sabo and Ace suddenly appeared from what used to be his doorway, concern etched in their expressions. “Luffy!” Sabo exclaimed in surprise. It took him a moment to connect the dots and his pleasant surprise turned to disapproval. “Luffy, what did we say about using destructive spells indoors?”

“Not to?” the boy answered unsurely, looking up at his brother with an innocent and sheepish smile.

Ace grabbed Luffy by the collar and dragged him out into the hallway as Sabo repeatedly apologized for his brother’s behavior and that he would deal with the damage immediately. Law could do nothing except blink as the three of them disappeared, the door repairing itself after being hit with a quick spell from the blonde brother.

He believed those brothers were the most bizarre neighbors he had ever met in his entire life.

After tidying up his apartment with a series of cleaning spells, Law went to bed. He slept only briefly before waking and, well, getting on with his day. It was still the weekend so he intended to spend what was left of it relaxing, something he didn’t get to do often on any other day. He wore comfortable clothes: a pair of joggers and a plain t-shirt. He thought of all the things he needed to do and was glad that he didn’t need to leave his apartment at all unless he wanted to. And he didn’t want to. Not at all.

Law laid on his couch and read a book. And it wasn’t a medicine related book at all. It was a book with a real story, with characters and plot and it was the best thing he had ever read since before he became a surgeon. What was he even reading? Probably Neil Gaiman or something, he had a handful of his books. But it didn’t matter to him because he was actually reading a book because he wanted to not because he had to. And he liked that. Doing things for pleasure, not for work. And that was something he was not going to do today. Work.

A knock on his newly-repaired door interrupted his book reading and he grumbled as he doggy eared the page he was on and set the novel on his coffee table.

Who dares to interrupt my reading time? He thought in a very Mufasa sounding voice, which he immediately regretted and erased the memory of ever thinking in such a way. It was embarrassing to say the least.

Opening the door, he saw the straw hat boy from last night. Luffy, he believed. Law rose a brow at him, urging him to speak.

“Uh, well,” Luffy began, frowning in thought. “Sabo said I had to apologize for breaking your door last night. So, sorry, I guess.” He grinned brightly and it was almost blinding.

Despite his words, Luffy didn’t sound very apologetic at all. Law decided to ignore that and tell him he already forgave him so he can go back to his own apartment so that Law could be left alone, again. But then Luffy held up a pie dish.

“Sabo also made you this! As a gift. It’s really tasty, Sabo always makes tasty things, but not as much as Sanji does. Sanji’s my friend! He cooks in a real fancy restaurant downtown. But he’s also very good at kicking things and it’s fun when he and Zoro fight all the time. Oh, Zoro is my other friend, he has green hair and uses three swords to fight and it’s super cool! One time he fought a dragon can you believe that? Because I can, I saw it with my own two eyes,” Luffy rambled, pointing at his eyes for emphasis.

It was clear that he had more to say and Law wasn’t really interested in any of it, but he was trying not to be rude so he did something he wouldn’t have expected himself to do in a million years and invited the boy into his apartment. Luffy walked in cheerily and set the pie on the table, sitting on top of it as he continued to talk about his friends.

“Besides Zoro and Sanji, there’s also Nami, Robin, Chopper, Usopp, Franky, Brook, Jinbei,” he counted them off on his fingers as Law grabbed plates for the pie. “Nami is real mean sometimes, and stingy and greedy and other bad things. But she can be nice, too. She lives on a tangerine orchard with her big sister Nojiko. Nojiko is nicer than Nami but Nami is my friend because she’s mean. It’s a whole thing.” Law sliced the pie and scooped a piece for himself and Luffy. “Robin is super serious. Well, sometimes she makes a joke that I don’t really understand and she says weird stuff like “I hope we don’t die” or something like that. It’s weird but kinda funny too, especially when she scares Nami and Usopp. Speaking of Usopp, he has this real long nose, he looks kinda like Pinocchio and—yes, I’d like ice cream with my slice, thanks—and he’s a real wimp but he’s brave when he wants to be and that’s what’s great about him.” Law set the plate of pie beside Luffy and sat down in front of him with a bored expression. “Then there’s Chopper who’s a talking reindeer. He’s also a doctor and he’s super funny. Do you know any talking animal doctors?” He shoveled a portion of pie into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously.

Law had made himself tea and sipped from his mug before answering. “Yes, actually, I do. One of my colleagues is a polar bear mink,” he said, taking a bite of his own pie.

Luffy’s eyes lit up like light bulbs. “A talking polar bear?” he exclaimed excitedly, bits of crust and filling spraying from his mouth and Law had to grimace.

“Yes,” he confirmed, pulling out his cell phone and browsing through it to find a picture. Once he found one, he showed it to the boy. “His name is Bepo and he works as my assistant surgeon.”

Luffy grinned at that, teeth stained red from the cherry filling and crumbs were wedged between them. It was a hideous smile and yet Law found it strangely charming. Which he would never admit. Ever. He put his phone back in his pocket and focused his attention onto his pie. When he looked up, he saw that Luffy had practically inhaled his slice of pie and he was unsure if he should be impressed or horrified.

“Oh yeah,” Luffy burped. And I mean actually burped. Somehow he managed to create words from a disgusting noise. “I forgot to introduce myself. Sabo says that’s bad manners.” Obviously Luffy had been minding his manners throughout his entire visit. “My name’s Monkey D. Luffy! I’m gonna become King of the Wizards!”

It was a ridiculous ambition because becoming King of the Wizards was a myth and more of a children’s fairytale, but he decided not to say anything about that. “Dr. Trafalgar D. Water Law,” he introduced in turn. “I’m a surgeon at the hospital downtown.”

“‘S nice to meet you, Torao!” That wasn’t his name but okay, whatever, he was tired.

Luffy hopped down from his seat on the table and dusted the crumbs off his shorts. “Thanks for the pie. I’ll come again later to hang out! We’ll be the best of friends!” And then he waved. And then he left.

Law should be upset that Luffy had just invited himself over for whenever he felt like coming, but he was terrified to find that he was actually looking forward to his next visit. He was just too damn charming.

Luffy visited frequently. At first, he came only on the weekends, but then he started visiting in the middle of the week, and then he started bringing along some of his friends. The first time, he had showed up with his brother Ace. Now Law was fine with that because Ace was also his neighbor and he did his best to make them comfortable and to avoid the intimidating glare he would feel directed at the back of his head every time he turned around. Then Luffy began bringing others to his apartment.

He met Zoro on a Wednesday, after he had finished up at work and got home early that evening. He hadn’t even changed out of his clothes yet when there was a knock on his door. His heart leapt in his chest as he expected it to be Luffy on the other side (but again, he would never admit that his heart did any acrobatics in his chest at all) and he opened it to find, yes, it was Luffy! But also a tall green haired man standing right behind him.

“Heya, Torao! I brought Zoro with me this time! I told him you had a cool sword and he said he wanted to see it,” Luffy was already walking past Law and into the apartment, friend in tow. Law watched as they approached the nodachi displayed on his wall, a cursed sword that his uncle Doflamingo bought for him as a Christmas gift, but he wasn’t superstitious so he kept the sword because it looked like a cool decoration.

“Hey, Torao, what was your sword named again?” Luffy asked suddenly.

Law shut the door and joined them by the nodachi. “Kikoku,” he answered. “It’s supposed to be cursed.”

He would have found the way Luffy looked absolutely thrilled at the prospect of a cursed sword worrisome if it weren’t for the fact that his chest felt incredibly tight and his cheeks felt they were burning at four hundred and fifty one degrees Fahrenheit. But besides that, Zoro looked just as excited as Luffy, in his own way of course.

“A cursed blade, huh? Just like my Sandai Kitetsu,” he patted the hilt of one of his swords for emphasis. “You ever used it before?”

Law suddenly felt a bit suspicious. “Er, no, not really. I’ve only ever used it as a decoration,” he answered unsurely.

Zoro frowned. “Disappointing.”

It was then that Law realized that Zoro might have intended to challenge him to a duel had he been able to use Kikoku. He already didn’t like this. Luffy took control of the conversation from there, talking excitedly about his day and how he saw his friend Jinbei riding an actual whale shark in the ocean. And after sharing a dessert and some tea, Luffy and Zoro left and Law was left alone.

He was afraid that this would become a thing. Not the whole Luffy visiting situation, that was already a thing and a thing that he enjoyed, but he meant Luffy visiting with his other friends. From Zoro alone Law decided that meeting the rest of Luffy’s crew would be a stressful and possibly terrifying experience. He didn’t want it to happen again.

It happened again.

Luffy returned on a Saturday with not just one, but two friends accompanying him and Law had to refrain from groaning. He could refuse to let them in. He should refuse to let them in. But Luffy’s gleeful grin and the excitement that twinkled in his eyes, those things made it difficult for Law to do anything except for step aside and invite them into his apartment.

This time it was Usopp and Chopper who had entered his abode and they were surprisingly pleasant company. Usopp and Luffy shared a bowl of snacks on the floor while they played a game of Go Fish. Law actually managed to befriend Chopper as they exchanged medical advice and patient stories.

“Nami was actually my first patient,” the reindeer doctor had told him. “She had caught a really bad fever so Nojiko and everyone brought her to the nearest clinic. My mentor Doctrine was out when they came so I did my best to help and that’s how we all became friends.”

Law thought that those were strange circumstances to become friends under, but then he remembered how Cora-san had adopted him after Law had stabbed him with the intent to rob him of all his belongings, and the thought was dismissed.

He wasn’t surprised the next day when Luffy decided to show up with a cyborg of all things standing in the hallway.

Law was able to meet a majority of Luffy’s friends in about a week, and he sure had a lot of them. He met a fishman, a mermaid, a skeleton, and other interesting species. It was... a lot to take in, even if he was a wizard who could do things just as bizarre with a wave of his hand.

But he felt that he was barely anything at all when Luffy was far more powerful than he was, both magically and physically. That fact would have hurt his pride if he didn’t find it insanely attractive. And that was something new to him. Admitting that he found Luffy attractive. He had come to terms with his emotions after spending many sleepless nights having arguments with himself over whether or not he was completely infatuated with an idiot wearing a straw hat.

He cried himself to sleep after that realization.

When Luffy showed up on his doorstep on a Saturday, a bouquet of flowers in his hands and a wide grin on his face, Law was confused.

“What’s this for?” he asked, staring at the arrangement of carnations and daisies that had been pushed into his arms.

Luffy gave a short laugh. “Sabo said ‘If you’re gonna take Law to Sanji’s place, you gotta give him a gift first.’ So I asked Robin to make you something nice and she gave me those,” he said as though everything was explained perfectly. “Oh, right. I forgot to say that I was taking you to Sanji’s restaurant tonight! It’s real fancy but I don’t think he’ll care if we show up in regular clothes. I don’t have anything nicer than this anyway.”

Law was so confused.

Was this- Was this a date? Was Luffy taking him out to dinner? On a date? Was this really happening right now?

Before he could ask any one of those questions, Luffy took him by the hand and dragged him out the door. Law managed to shut and lock it as he was taken away and maybe his spotted jeans and black and yellow hoodie were too casual for a fancy restaurant, but he felt that he couldn’t care because this might be a real date with Luffy.

Oh god. This might be a real date with Luffy.

He tried not to think too hard about this entire scenario as he sat beside Luffy on the bus. He tried not to think too hard about their hands still clasped together as Luffy rambled about how delicious Sanji’s food was. He tried not to think in general.

The bus stopped a street away from a big, shiny restaurant that had people lined up outside in the chilly night as they waited for a seat to be open. Luffy ignored the line completely and a tough looking guy dressed in a kitchen apron and had a silver name tag that read “Patty” in bold text escorted them inside. Law had to keep his jaw from dropping because Luffy wasn’t exaggerating when he said this place was fancy.

It was a French-style restaurant. Its tables were all decorated the same, adorned with candles and flowers for the centerpieces. The tablecloths were a pristine white, not a single stain could be seen. The china was the finest porcelain he had ever seen, making his own traditional Japanese tea set look like a children’s play thing. There were three golden chandeliers that surrounded a large modern styled glass chandelier in the center. A spiral staircase sat off to the side that led to upper level and balcony seating. The ceiling had a gorgeous mural of some biblical painting that he didn’t know the name of.

Law had never felt more insecure than he did in that moment.

Patty lead them through the restaurant to a set of double doors in the back. They were brought through the kitchens that was a cacophony of clattering dishes and banging pots. But despite the noise, the food smelled amazing. His stomach growled as they passed and he tried to pass it off as background noise, ignoring the embarrassed flush that spread across his cheeks. There was another door at the back of the kitchens and when it was opened, he saw a corridor that lead to another door.

Just how big was this restaurant, anyway?

Naturally, they walked to the end of the hall and behind the other door was a private room. There was a table set up like all the other ones were. White tablecloth, flowers and candles, blue velvet seats. There were floor to ceiling windows on the other side that looked over the ocean. It smelled like roses.

A part of his brain nagged at him, telling him that this was disgustingly corny. He was about to voice that opinion, too, until he saw Luffy’s face, slightly dimmed by the lack of light but his always present smile was brightening it ten times better than any candle could. He realized that Luffy was smiling at him.

“Do you like it?” Luffy asked him, and it took him a moment to understand that he was talking about the room. Why was his brain functioning so slowly tonight?

“Yeah,” he said and his throat felt dry and he needed something to drink but all he did was sit down and watch as Luffy sat in front of him.

Patty poured them their waters and left the jug on the table before exiting the room. Law lifted his glass and took three large gulps, leaving only a quarter left. He has never felt so nervous before. Luffy was staring at him. Simply staring at him. Except it wasn’t that simple because Law felt extremely vulnerable under that gaze. He didn’t know what to do or say. It was incredible.

“Sanji is making us a special meal,” Luffy told him, breaking the silence finally. “I already told him that you don’t like bread so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Law was going to die.

He was going to die in this five star restaurant with a beautiful view of the ocean, sitting in a private room with this person who he was absolutely head over heels in love with and he was okay with that. But before he could actually pass on to the afterlife, the door opened and a blonde man with a cart of food entered the room.

“Sanji!” Luffy greeted excitedly, grinning at his friend.

The chef returned the smile and put out his cigarette on an empty tray that was sitting on top of his cart. “Alright, shitty customers. I have your first course, the entrée,” he removed the lid of one dish. “Vichyssoise, a thick soup made of boiled and puréed leeks, onions, potatoes, cream, and chicken stock. Please enjoy.” Sanji set two bowls of the soup in front of them before leaving them alone once more.

Luffy immediately lifted the bowl of its plate and tipped its contents into his mouth hungrily. Law had lifted his spoon to his mouth but paused to watch him consume his soup in a messy manner. He blinked a moment before tasting his soup carefully. It was delicious.

Sanji returned a few moments later with wine. “Luffy can’t have this but you can if you want,” he had said but Law refused. He was hesitant about consuming alcohol when he was already drunk on his own emotions. If that even made sense.

Sanji shrugged and left again and by the time Law had finished his soup, he returned with another cart of food. “Voilà votre plat principal,” he said as he introduced them to their next dish and this routine continued all the way to their final course. They had ice cream sundaes for dessert and even though it was simple, with just ice cream with wafers and syrup, it was just as delicious as the rest of the meal had been.

When Law asked how much it all cost, Sanji had insisted that it was on the house. In his surprise, he looked to Luffy who happened to be looking right back at him with that grin on his face and he was falling in love all over again.

They left the restaurant, after thanking Sanji and everyone else for the pleasant evening, and Luffy was walking back to the apartment with him (I mean, of course he was, they were neighbors) and it was a long walk but not unpleasant. Somewhere along the way he had realized he had forgotten to bring his jacket and it was kinda chilly, but he didn’t want to say anything and he didn’t have to because Luffy just looked at him and cast a warming spell and suddenly he felt like he was wrapped in a soft blanket. Law felt like he was blushing and he hoped that it wasn’t obvious, but Luffy didn’t say anything about it as he held his hand again and talked about the stars and how maybe he should be an astronaut.

When they got to his apartment, Law paused by the door, one hand on the knob as he considered what to say. “Thank you,” he muttered, facing away for a moment before turning to look Luffy in the eye. “I had a nice night.”

Luffy grinned and their hands were still connected and Law was about to pull away when suddenly he was being kissed and even though it only lasted a second it sent sparks throughout his body and he could do nothing but stare as Luffy let go of his hand and escaped to his own apartment.

The next morning, Law couldn’t help but wonder if that was all a dream.

He got up like he always did but he was sort of in a daze. He still hadn’t been able to process everything that happened the previous night because Luffy had kissed him. And he was ninety percent sure that they had just went on a date.

He even thought that this was some sort of spell and did some extensive research on the possibility of last night being just a very realistic illusion but he knew in his gut that it had really happened.

Jesus Christ.

All of that really happened.

Law held his head in his hands as he leaned over his mug of coffee, sitting at his dining table in utter distress. This was not good for his heart. He was behaving like a twelve year-old girl with a crush and it was the worst. A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts and wiped at the bags under his eyes before answering. Luffy was standing there and he decided that this boy was going to be the death of him. He was going to die of exploding emotions. Or something like that.

“Torao!” Luffy greeted excitedly.

Law wondered how he could do that. Act so casual like he hadn’t kissed him last night. Then he remembered that Luffy doesn’t even know the word “shame.” He stepped aside to let him in and Luffy immediately jumped onto his sofa. He joined him silently.

They had to talk. Law needed to sort out his feelings and the only way he could do that was talk about them to Luffy of all people.

“Last night,” he began quietly as Luffy was surfing through his channels on the television. “When you, er, kissed me.”

“Oh, that? Sabo told me it’s what I’m supposed to do after walking you home. He said it’s “the nice thing to do,” Luffy commented as he stopped his browsing and settled for an old western playing on some obscure channel.

Oh.

“And the dinner?”

“An excuse to get you to meet Sanji and taste his food. He’s a real good cook, right?” he grinned at him.

Oh.

That made... sense. He supposed.

Law didn’t say anything for a long while. Luffy was expecting an answer from him and he gave a mumbled “yeah.” The boy returned his attention to the television then and he was left to his thoughts. Of course it was all just in his head. He couldn’t believe he thought that Luffy actually felt that way about him. Ah, he wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

“I have to get ready for work,” it was a lie. “I’m working overtime.” It was Sunday and it was his day off.

“Oh, okay,” Luffy said, surprised. “Guess I’ll just come back later. Have fun being an adult!”

And then he was gone.

And Law was alone.

Instead of trying to move on from his supposed unrequited feelings, he locked himself in his apartment, ignoring his door for the rest of the day and ate away his emotions. The next day he’s going to see that he’s gained half a pound and he’ll regret it then, but right now he’s going to eat everything in his refrigerator and watch Mamma Mia! until he passes out with a bucket of ice cream in his arms and a spoon in his mouth.

Law definitely wasn’t avoiding Luffy.

Waking up at an ungodly hour to get ready for work and leaving before anyone else should be awake is not avoiding. Staying late at the hospital until it’s practically midnight and then going home is most definitely not avoiding.

And it wasn’t like he was losing sleep over this, he slept plenty in his office during his breaks and he slept for four hours at home and he was a doctor, he knew that four hours was the absolute minimum to having a healthy rest.

He also ignored Luffy’s text messages.

Not that he would call it ignoring.

More like setting aside for later. If later meant never.

But everything was fine. He spent less time at home and worked more. He wasn’t stressed at all. He was eating protein bars for breakfast and bland hospital food for lunch so his diet was set. Dinner didn’t even happen. He was fine. Everything was fine. He’s got everything worked out and it’ll all blow over like the toupee on Donald Trump’s head.

So it didn’t “blow over” like he hoped it would.

The weekend came and he really couldn’t handle any more overtime so he stayed home. And of course there was a knock on his door. He wanted to ignore it. He was going to ignore it and hope that whoever was at the door would go away.

“Hey, Torao, it’s me.”

Damn. Why did the universe seem to hate him?

“Uh, I get that you’ve been busy and stuff, but you haven’t been answering my texts and stuff and it’s got me kinda worried. If you’re in trouble I can help you out, y’know. ‘Cause we’re friends and all.”

Law still didn’t answer. He remained seated on his sofa, wrapped in a warm blanket. Luffy didn’t say anything for awhile after that and for a moment he thought he left. But then he started talking again.

“If you don’t wanna talk to me, that’s okay. I’ll just talk to you. You don’t have to listen if you don’t wanna, but I’m gonna do it anyway.” And he did. Luffy was outside his door for hours, talking about what he did all week, describing a new dish Sanji made, telling him about some mini-venture he went on with his friends.

“The other day, I was talking to Sabo about you,” Law perked up at that. “I told him that I really liked hanging out with you and stuff and that you’re probably my most favorite person in the entire world, besides Ace and Sabo, of course. I told him that some day, Torao and I are gonna get married because that’s what you do when you want to be with someone forever, right? And I wanna be with you forever, Torao because you’re my bestest friend and I’m never gonna let you go.”

Law opened the door suddenly and Luffy was standing there, a surprised expression on his face.

“That was really corny,” Law said, frowning. “And bestest is a stupid word. And you can’t just decide to marry me out of the blue there has to be some sort of build-up.”

But Luffy just blinked at him and there was a plate of half eaten steak in his hands that he just noticed and suddenly Luffy was grinning like an idiot.

“I saved some of Sanji’s dish for you but I got hungry so I ate some.”

Law couldn’t believe that he was so in love that he let Luffy into his apartment to share half a lukewarm steak.

[cavehags]

Life comes at you fast, but rapid-onset gender dysphoria comes at you faster. I didn’t have much time to think about it, I’ll admit it; the trans women leaning out of the unmarked van were shouting questions at me so quickly I couldn’t exactly make out what they were saying, and I didn’t want to admit I’d said “Yes” without knowing what I’d just agreed to. Plus I wanted to make sure I collected my rewards points. They definitely said something about rewards points.

It was sort of like the bus from Speed, I think, because they couldn’t slow down. I mean both the van and the rate of transition. I think that’s probably why trans people tend to go around in groups, either in windowless vans or broken-down schoolbuses, because as a group it’s a little harder to run out of steam than on your own. Get a trans person alone for long enough and it’s like one of those cars that run on French-fry oil: smells good, and a lot of fun to drive, but when you break down all by yourself in the middle of nowhere, it’s awfully hard to find the energy to keep going.

I tried asking them about it later. They were nice, the van girls. “What do you get out of this? Personally, I mean, driving around in a big van all together and asking cis teenagers if they want to become men. What’s in it for you?”

One of them shrugged and popped her gum. “We don’t tell a lot of people this, but usually they let us keep their old clothes afterwards, so it’s a great way to get more band T-shirts.”

Easier than buying the band T-shirts from the band’s website, or going to one of their shows and stopping by the merch table?

She shrugged. “Oh, no, definitely not. And, you know, a lot of the time we’re not even the same size, so sometimes we just have to throw the T-shirts away, or try to see if Buffalo Exchange will pay for them. But even then they offer you something ridiculous, like twelve bucks for a whole garbage bag full of clothes or twenty bucks in store credit, so of course you take the store credit just out of spite, even though you could have really used the cash.”

“It’s not a great scam,” she added. “But what can you do? It’s such an entrenched part of being a trans woman. You transition, some girls show up in a van, and then you ride around town trying to convince cis teenagers to get mastectomies and start their own catboy YouTube channels and…that’s pretty much it. No one knows why it has to be older trans women talking teenagers into becoming trans men; that’s just how it’s always been. Helps you feel like a part of things, you know? And the one-in, one-out policy, of course,” she added.

I said I thought that made a certain kind of sense. For me it’d just been like – the last straw, maybe. My hair had looked weird that day, and I’d been fighting with my mom again, and being a lesbian doesn’t seem to get under her skin anymore the way it used to, which was so annoying, and I don’t even think I have a safety school when it comes to college which means I’m either getting into all of them or none, and they’d all looked so glamorous and relaxed and they had so much gum. So when one of the girls leaning out of the van said, “You coming or what, kid? We got a lot of other anxious rising juniors we could sex-change today, you know,” I threw my backpack into the gutter and climbed in. I didn’t think much further than getting a ride to Chris’ house. And honestly, if you want to be anybody at Vaginectomy High, you really have to have at least one or two e-girls who can vouch for you, and everyone knows all the coolest e-girls are trans.

They talk really fast, you know; sometimes it’s just a matter of wanting to keep up and not admit that you didn’t catch something. A friend of mine said yes to a double mastectomy thinking they were signing up for AP Chem. “I mean, I wound up enrolling in AP Chem after all,” they said when pressed for comment, “so in that sense everything ended up working out fine. I just didn’t realize the top surgery thing was a separate question. I mean, if I had it to do all over again, would I have just gone through AP Chem and kept my breasts? I don’t know. I did feel more aerodynamic when I was studying afterwards. I guess it did cut down on wind resistance, which is nice when you’re trying to remember all those formulas. But I don’t think you should have to get top surgery to take AP Chem.”

I’m hoping I don’t have to take Chem next year – I’m pretty sure one of the girls mentioned something about being able to opt out of you score enough rewards points, and I know a bunch of stressed-out eight-graders I think I can talk into HRT.

[psychospeak-blog]

Won’t Go Slowly // 3

One // Two

A/N: Who am I posting two updates to separate fics in one day?  I don’t know, but it just happened.  Shorter one.

The next time you woke, your eyes felt a little less heavy, and you were starting to feel a little gross with having been in bed for days.  Marshall was still in bed next to you, and you smiled again, rolling over and grabbing your phone.  You hadn't looked at it since probably yesterday, and saw that Tyler had actually texted you a couple of times before he'd come over to ask if you needed anything.  

Thank you 😊 you typed.   Almost immediately, you received a response a simple 'yw'.

You also replied to your friend Danielle's text, letting you know she was going to be stopping by this evening to drop something off.

You were scrolling through Amazon, contemplating which book you should buy for your Kindle, when a knock sounded at the door.  You stood up from the bed, padding to go answer It, and revealing your sister, Nicole, a backpack slung over her arm.

"Since when do you have a dog?" She asked, and you looked over your shoulder to see Marshall had followed you out of the bedroom.

"That's Marshall," you said, but her face still looked confused, "he's Tyler's." " Oh," she nodded, setting her bag down, and bending over to pet the brown Lab when he went over to greet the new person.  "What's he doing here?"

"Tyler brought him over," you answered, but her eyes widened.   "He gave you his dog?!"

" No, Nic, he did not give me his dog," you said, and then stopped because you didn't quite know how to put it into words, "he loaned me his dog."

"I still don't know why you're still friends with him, other than the dogs.  He's a douche."

"He is not a douche," you laughed, because this seemed to be an ongoing debate that you had, where she'd mentioned something she'd read or heard that you knew 100% wasnt true.  Although, sometimes it was, but it was only because of poor decision making skills or misinterpretations rather than douche-like tendencies.  "You've met him before, anyways."

"He seemed like a douche in high school, too."

"Do you know any guy who went to our high school who didn't act like a douche at some point?" You asked, and watched as she thought it over and failed to come up with a response, laughing as you disappeared into the bathroom.   You had finished washing your hands and had opened the bathroom door when you heard, "Ummm....y/n?"

You followed your sister's voice to the kitchen, first seeing a leash and the muffins you had made when you were at Tyler's house sitting in a plastic container on your kitchen table.  You rounded the corner, and your sister was standing in front of the fridge, her arm out as if she was presenting it.  You noticed  a few of the bright pink and blue post-it notes you kept on your counter stuck on the fridge.

"Open This" read one, and then there was one right underneath it that just had a huge arrow pointing to the handle on the door.  You opened the fridge, and right in front you saw a plastic take-out container with what looked like soup in it and, next to it, a plastic cup from your favourite juice place nearby the university holding some type of smoothie, complete with a straw sticking out of it.  You raised your eyebrows, and shut the fridge door and then squatted down in front of the freezer drawer.  "The good shit's in here" was written across two post-it because he apparently couldn't write small enough to fit it on one.  You pulled the drawer open, and you saw the box of popsicles he had mentioned earlier, as well as a carton of Ben & Jerry's.  And it was even the non-dairy kind.

"Not a douche," you said, grinning triumphantly as you stood back up.   There was another knock on your door then, and both you and your sister yelled "It's open," simultaneously.

A moment later, Danielle stepped into your kitchen, and she had a pot of soup in her arms.  "What are you...?" She looked at the fridge, and then at Marshall, who'd she met before actually, having come over to Tyler's with you a couple of times.  She opened the fridge, setting the pot on a shelf.  "Looks like someone beat me to it."

"Not a douche," you repeated, and then you noticed Danielle's confused face and explained, "Nicole thinks he's a douche."

"He's really nice actually," Danielle said, and you made a face at your younger sister like 'see?'

You had some of the smoothie, because you had absolutely no appetite but knew you needed to eat something.  Danielle offered to help you with anything while she was over, and you admitted that you would really, really appreciated some help to wash your hair since you couldn't shower or bathe yet.  So she was washing your hair in the kitchen sink, which took an extreme amount of conditioner since your hair was completely a mess of knots.  It was slightly painful, but you actually felt a lot better once it was done.  You were in your bedroom, getting changed into a clean pair of pajamas when there was yet another knock on your door.  

You heard a murmur of voices, and then a unmistakable whistle.  You were opening your bedroom door, as your sister was passing by, telling you "'Not a douche' is here."

Tyler was standing in your doorway, Cash next to him on a leash, and Marshall, who you'd heard him whistle for earlier, greeting his brother. You and Danielle exchanged a knowing look, and you had to bite your lip to try not to laugh.  

"What did she say?" Tyler asked you. "Don't worry about it," you said, even though the three of you were laughing quietly, looking away from him.

"Oh-kay..." he said, his voice high and skeptical, "Girls are weird." You just laughed, raising your brows.  "What are you doing here?" "Trading you," he said, gesturing to the dogs at his feet. "Huh?"

"I'm taking him," he said, gesturing at Marshall, "And giving you him," he gestured at Cash. "Why?" you laughed, even as you crouched down to unclasp Cash from his leash.

"Because then you have a dog at all times and don't have to worry about taking them out," he said, as if it was obvious.

"So, what you're just gonna keep switching me dogs?" "Maybe," he said playfully, "You can't have Gerry though." "Why not?"

"Because he's too hyper for you right now," he said, and your face drooped just a little bit when you remembered that you'd just had surgery. Somehow, you'd managed to forget for just a moment.

"Hey," you said softly, looking around to see that Danielle and Nicole were off in the kitchen, leaving you alone, and you looked up at Tyler's eyes, "Sorry for being so short with you earlier.  I know you were just trying to help.   I just, I was..."

He shrugged, interrupting you right then, "Don't worry about it.  You weren't feeling good.  It's understandable."

"Well," you corrected automatically, and he glared at you for a moment. "I am sorry though.  And thank you for stocking my fridge." "You don't have to apologize or thank me," he said, "You can give me a hug though."

You smiled, stepping into him, one hand going around your back and the other behind your head, pulling you to his chest.  You let your eyes shut for a moment, before you pulled apart.  

You thought he would leave afterwards, especially when your sister and Danielle declared that you should have a girl's night because, apparently, the new season of The Bachelorette was starting tonight but he just claimed that he loved girl's nights, although he did look briefly to you, as if to double check, and you shrugged, telling him he could stay if he really wanted to.  

And, of course, both of the dogs tried to jump on your sectional, your sister opting for the pouf you had in the corner of the room.   "Marshall, Cash, off," Tyler said sternly, snapping his fingers as you tried not to laugh when they ignored him.

"They can go on the couch, I don't care," you said.

Tyler had already plopped down on the corner of the couch, stretching his arm out over the back.  "I won't have anywhere to sit if they're on there," he complained, and then sort of rubbed his nose like he was getting a headache, "Also, can you try not to undermine my authority in front of them?"

"Okay," you laughed, sitting down next to him.  Your sister was giving you a weird look from across the room, so you asked her a quick, "what?"  but she just shook her head.

You watched The Bachelorette for awhile before you got up to get some ice cream.  Truthfully, it wasn't a show you would normally watch, but you really didn't have the mental capacity for anything else at the moment.

You sat back down on the couch, knees pulled into your chest as you ate your ice cream and listened to the commentary from your friends and sister.  Marshall was actually curled up next to your sister, while Cash was stretched out with his back against the couch under yours and Tyler's feet. 

Once you finished your ice cream, you set the bowl down on the table in front of you and then sat back, shivering slightly.

"Cold?" Tyler asked you softly, and you were certain you were the only one who could hear it.  You nodded.  With the cold ice cream and the fact that your hair was still wet, goosebumps were starting to break out over your arms.   He reached around you to grab the blanket that was behind your back, setting it down over you, and then kind of reached his arm around you, rubbing his hand up and down your arm as if to warm you up.  The next thing you knew, you were sort of laying sideways on the sectional, legs curled up beside you, leaning against Tyler.  Your eyes were starting to feel heavy again, and you knew you should probably lay down properly, but you couldn't really turn the other way since that was the side your incision was on.  So your cheek rested against his chest, and his shirt felt so soft against your skin, and he smelled warm and spicy, and something else you couldn't quite identify, so you just let your eyes shut, listening to all that was happening around you until you fell asleep.

[crimsxnflxwerz]

I would like that [shyan oneshot]

I would like that summary: the third person who knew Ryan was trans was the ghost that haunted his apartment. rating: teen+ fandom: buzzfeed unsolved pairing: ryan bergara/shane madej warnings: mentioned [murder/death/drug use/stalker/abuser] tags: ghost!shane, trans!ryan, ghost boyfriend, lol, weird universe notes: this is just a random little thing that wouldn’t leave my head no matter how hard i tried so I wrote it down to give myself some peace. have fun guys! this makes no sense, so fair warning!

Ryan could count the number of people who knew he was trans on one hand. 

The first person that he counted would be himself, of course. He’d known ever since he’d heard the word. Whether it was from some botched argument about gender roles or a fresh criticism of Rocky Horror Picture Show, he couldn’t remember, but ever since that he’d been sure that was what he was.

The second person to find out was his brother, Jake. He’d always had a good relationship with his brother, and that didn’t change when Jake had grabbed Ryan’s laundry for him when he still lived at home and accidentally witnessed Ryan’s binder. Jake actually didn’t even realize what it was at first, thinking it some kind of cheap sports bra, and Ryan figured this accident was as good as any to use to come out to him.

It seems horrible to say, but his parents don’t make this list. Ryan moved out of his parents house after graduating college and getting a job with a company he interned with. When he was safely away with his parents, he legally changed his name, started T shots, and got top surgery. He still spoke to his parents, but it was usually over the phone, and if they noticed a change in his voice, they refused to mention it.

The third person who knew about it wasn’t even really a person at all, but rather it was the ghost that haunted his apartment. 

Sounds crazy, and for a while, Ryan thought he was. He went to therapy briefly,not for any depression, just to help him through his transition. He figured maybe the stress was getting to him, or the T affected his brain somehow, but couldn’t find any definitive evidence that linked these things to what he was experiencing.

It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in ghosts, but rather, now that he was actually the subject of a haunting- he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. 

There were many things to tip him off that it was a ghost in his house and not just random happenstance that seemed paranormal. The first thing that happened was one night he had been drifting off while watching television on his couch. Behind him, on his kitchen counter, his microwave had randomly turned on. He jumped up and turned it off, before any damage was done, but afterwards just blankly stared at it. He had just gotten the thing, brand new. It shouldn’t have been acting up yet. He figured he’d check it out later. 

The second thing happened after he adopted his first dog, a dachshund named Dori. The first few weeks with her were eventful, but more so in the new puppy way than haunting. After he potty trained her, he let her sleep with him at night, making sure to leave the door open in case she got hungry or needed to pee. 

One night, he woke to find Dori softly growling, while still curled up next to him. He rubbed his eyes and tried to look over to the door she was facing to see if something was there, but he couldn’t see anything. All of a sudden, however, the door slammed shut, and he was snapped right out of his groggy state. He stared in horror and fear at his bedroom door. He didn’t go to sleep again that night.

The third thing to happen was something that continued to happen regularly after that. Ryan would wake up, go into the bathroom, and take a shower. After coming out, he noticed that there was some form of scribbling on his mirror, as if someone had run their fingers through the steam. It never really spelled anything, at most creating a dumb shape or something. At first, Ryan was scared of it, but then he figured it was harmless, so he took it as just a normal part of his life. 

All these things eventually prompted him to do some research on his apartment. At first, he didn’t find anything, but that was just from surface level research. He began to get to know his neighbors, and they were fairly quick to open up. Apparently, a man had lived there before him. He had worked as a freelance website designer, but was also known to frequent the local bar and sing or do stand up comedy. His neighbors were deeply saddened when they found out that he had passed away. 

His name had been Shane, and he overdosed on sleeping pills at 35. He had no family or friends close enough to him to confirm anything, but police ruled it a suicide. 

After this, Ryan tried communicating with him. He purchased a Ouija board to ask him some questions, but he either must’ve done something wrong or Shane wasn’t too keen to cooperate, because nothing happened. 

Ryan forgot about it for a while, forgot about him. After a few weeks of no more activity, something else happened. Ryan came home one day to find Dori cowering near the front door. Everything in his apartment was okay, but in his bathroom, the medicine cabinet looked like it just exploded. The door was handing off it’s hinges, bottles, pills, liquids, band-aids, everything scattered across the floor. Ryan was glad that Dori was too scared to eat anything, but he wondered what had caused the outburst. 

He tried reaching out to Shane again, and this time, the Ouija board spelled out “pills” and then stopped working with him. 

The interaction basically confirmed that the ghost in his apartment was, in fact, Shane. For whatever reason, he was unwilling to talk to him. Except to tell him his non-explanation as to why he destroyed his medicine cabinet. 

He figured that before he left for work that day, he’d taken a pain killer to help his headache- something he did very rarely, since he didn’t normally get headaches.

Maybe it bothered Shane, considering how he died. 

Anyways, Ryan knew that Shane knew that he was trans. That was his third person. How did he know this? Well, the scribbles on his mirror after each shower slowly became a dialogue between them. Shane would normally leave something for him to see (like “dog?”), and Ryan would reply with an answer (like “Dori”) and then leave the bathroom. 

One day he stepped out of the shower to something quite comical. It was a drawing of him, albeit crude, and there was an arrow pointing to his crotch with a question mark at the end. Ryan rolled his eyes playfully, and wrote “I’m trans” on the mirror. The next thing that happened really spooked him. 

Slowly, new words started forming in the condensation, “trans?” Ryan stared in disbelief for a moment, before he recovered and wrote, “female transitioned to male”.

There were no more responses after that, but Shane didn’t go away.

Through his time living there, he began to warm up to Shane. The fact that he was regularly interacting with a spirit was wild enough, but that spirit knew and understood that he was trans as well was even more outlandish. He couldn’t imagine telling anyone about it. This would be his secret- but he was fine with that- he was used to keeping secrets. 

Sometimes he would wake up to his coffee already made, or the news on. One time he woke up to find that Shane had literally picked out his clothes for the day. 

Ryan began to get more and more curious about the specter living with him. He asked around and found out Shane’s last name, and scoured the web for any information about the man. He even frequented the bar that Shane had gone to in his life to perform stand up. Some people knew Ryan as the guy who moved into Shane’s old apartment, and they were pretty willing to share stories about the dude. Apparently he had lots of friends.

So why did he kill himself? Why did he overdose on those sleeping pills? Was it an accident? Ryan realized that he was being nosy, but he had to know. It was killing him to not know.

Maybe he was being too invasive, since not long after he started researching and compiling information, things started happening in his apartment. He’d get out of the shower to the word “no” written all over the mirror. He’d come back to his apartment, only to find his lights flickering or his fridge door opening and closing. Sometimes, he found Dori growling and barking at empty corners, and random spots in his apartment freezing cold. 

Was Shane angry that he was looking?

Ryan set up some candles to try out the Ouija board again, but each time he lit one, he would go on to the next to find the first one had already gone out. He tried several times, the candles getting put out each time, before he gave up. He cursed at the room.

“You don’t want to talk to me? Fine! Fuck you!” he shouted, making Dori whimper next to him. 

That night he dreamed of a tall, lanky figure with soft features, and messy hair. He had warm, brown eyes- calloused hands- rough five o-clock shadow. The figure in his dream slipped into bed next to him and wrapped him up in a hug. He felt warm as he slept. When he woke, the space next to him was still warm like someone had slept there. It couldn’t have been Dori, since she always slept at his feet.

So maybe Ryan had developed a little bit of a crush. 

Even though it was impossible. How could he have a crush on a ghost? Though, the ghost knew more about him than anyone else in his life. Shane knew how Ryan liked his coffee, he knew that while Ryan found it hard to wake up early, he enjoyed the soft silence before dawn. Shane knew that he sang pop songs in the shower, and that he preferred shampoo that smelled like lilacs, and sometimes when he was cooking he did a little dance while he waited for something from the oven.

And Shane knew that he was trans, and he respected that.

Not that he’s sure what Shane would or could do if he didn’t respect that. He was a ghost after all.

When he came home from work a few days later, he found something tied onto Dori’s collar. It was a little note. He opened it. It read: “talk ?” in a messy scrawl he recognized from the many conversations on his bathroom mirror he had.

He smiled and brought out the candles and Ouija board and got everything ready. He opened a channel and put his hands lightly on the planchette. He moved the object over Hello to welcome Shane, and then let it move freely.

“Sorry,” Shane spelled out. “End like me.”

“Were you afraid I’d end up like you?” Ryan asked. He was sort of confused, because he wasn’t really depressed or anything. Ever since he moved out of his parents house, he felt the stress of hiding his identity wear off. After top surgery, he felt even better. The only thing stressing him out right now was Shane.

The planchette moved to the yes on the board. Ryan shook his head.

“I’m fine, Shane,” he reassured him. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

“Not depressed.” Shane spelled out. Ryan paused for a moment. He wasn’t really sure what he meant by that. Did he mean to say that he knew Ryan wasn’t depressed- or had he not been depressed? Did that mean that what happened to him wasn’t a suicide?

“Did...Did you...” Ryan started, hesitating. “Did you kill yourself?”

There was along, silent moment where the planchette didn’t move at all. Then it slowly moved to the no in the corner. Ryan felt like his heart had stopped. It had been the usual story, the funny guy with no family killed himself in his apartment alone one night. He hadn’t really found out anything about the cops doing any blood tests or anything- only an empty pill bottle on the bedside table. He figured that kind of thing wouldn’t have been released anyways, but maybe it was never done. Maybe they saw this lonely, dead man and figured it was a suicide.

Was Shane still here because he had been given no justice in death?

“What happened to you?” Ryan asked, even though he knew the ghost wouldn’t be able to give him any long answers. He stayed quiet, however. The planchette remained still for a moment longer, before Ryan’s laptop that had been sitting on the coffee table near the couch flew open and turned on. Things were being typed into the search bar, and eventually a social media account was brought up. It was a dating website profile. Ryan let go of the planchette and moved over to look at it closer.

Shane Madej. Age, 35. Male. Hey, my name is Shane. I’m really just looking for a chill relationship with someone I have some stuff in common with. I love cartoons and video games, so I’m kinda nerdy, but I’m not opposed to a night on the town, or a romantic dinner and movie. I’m obsessed with popcorn, and just a foodie in general. If interested, please hit me up, maybe we could meet.

There were lots of comments and likes on his profile, but they were all from a long time ago- a few years in fact. It looked like the account had been inactive for at least a year before Shane had passed away. The most recent comments, however- just weeks before Shane had died, were the most disturbing. They were from a man named Zach Smith, a white man with dark hair who looked to be in his forties. 

Zach Smith Hey babe, want to catch a drink with ol Zach-y sometime? I’ll make it worth your while.

Zach Smith Hey, answer me sweetheart, or you’ll regret it, I promise.

Zach Smith Oh darling, I’m obsessed with you. I know where you live, I saw you park outside your apartment today and I almost just went up and grabbed you.

The comments went on, but Ryan couldn’t stomach them any longer. Ryan looked back at the planchette that started moving on it’s own. It spelled out found me and hurt and drugs. Ryan felt his stomach flip as he glanced between the Ouija board and the dating website. He clicked over to Zach Smith’s profile, and immediately saw that it was a fake account with a false name. He turned back to the board again and saw that Shane was spelling something else out.

“Hate that they think I wanted to die,” he spelled out. “afraid of drugs afraid for you.”

“Why are you afraid for me?” Ryan asked.

“Trans boy,” he spelled out. Ryan felt a little cold at the explanation. He sighed.

“Just because I’m a trans boy?” he asked, sounding a little annoyed.

“I was gay.” the planchette spelled. Ryan let out a soft ‘oh’ upon realizing the connection. His killer had been preying on gay men looking for relationships online, and that was how he’d found Shane in the first place.

Ryan wondered if he should turn over this information to the police. But, It wasn’t as if Shane’s case was any kind of mystery to them. He knew the dark truth, but no one else did.

“Is there anyone you want me to tell?” he asked Shane. The planchette didn’t move. Nothing moved. Dori started barking, but after Ryan reached out and pulled the puppy into his lap, the candles were blown out. He figured this session was over. Maybe Shane could only speak for so long before he got tired.

Either way, a lot of information had been exchanged today. 

That night, when Ryan slipped into bed, he waited for the dip in his mattress and the warm arms around his waist to fall asleep. Peaking over his shoulder, he could just make out the angle of a broad shoulder, and he felt safe. 

A week later, he came home to a note on his fridge. it read: nobody. He could tell it was written by Shane. At first, he wasn’t sure what it meant, then he remembered his question from the other night about telling people. Shane was killed, and he didn’t want anyone to know. Ryan wondered if Shane was estranged from his family because he was queer, too. He wondered if Shane just didn’t want to reopen old scars with new information about his death. Whatever the reason, it was Shane’s decision, so he respected it. It wasn’t like the police would believe him if he told him he could talk to Shane from beyond the grave or anything. 

“I wish you weren’t dead, though,” Ryan said out loud to himself. “Although, if you never died, we never would have met.”

After the revelations, weeks went by without any communications from Shane. He attempted to talk to him several times, but after still only getting radio silence on his fifth attempt, he decided to stop trying. He knew Shane was still hanging around, he hadn’t moved on or anything yet, he just wasn’t talking to him. Ryan still felt the familiar presence join him for bed at night, and the blanket of security he always associated with Shane meandering about the house moving things around. He wondered why Shane wasn’t talking anymore, but he was okay with it. 

He was starting to really settle into the neighborhood- gaining more and more friends- and he’d even invited his brother over to his apartment a few times. His job was the best thing ever, he had fun everyday, and worked with amazing people. Though, no matter how many people he met and became friends with, a little nagging voice in the back of his head would always remind him of Shane. He wondered how different the man would’ve been while he was alive. Ryan had heard plenty of funny or wild stories from everyone who had known Shane, but hearing a story and living one where two different things. 

A year went by, and Ryan was finally looking like the kind of male he wanted to look like. He started working out to give his body a more defined shape- lifting, jogging, stuff like that. He wasn’t super obsessed with working out or anything, but he did enjoy it as just a little past time thing to stay in good health. He also loved checking out his own flexing in the mirror sometimes, although he would never admit it.

It was the one year anniversary of the first day Ryan had moved into his new apartment. Dori was bigger, and Ryan was thinking of getting another dachshund to keep her company (and just because he wanted another one). That day, he came home from work and popped himself some fresh popcorn, making more than he usually made just for an extra little treat. He plopped down to watch Netflix on his tv, when he heard something. It sounded like a shifting noise, like someone was shuffling around, and it was coming from his bedroom. 

He put his popcorn down on the coffee table and grabbed a skateboard that he had resting up against his hall closet. He carefully approached his bedroom, seeing that the door was ajar. He crept up and paused at the door momentarily, taking a shaky breath in, before slamming the door open. Inside his bedroom, there was a tall, lanky man, back facing him. He was wearing a worn, jean jacket and black pants, but no shoes. His brown hair was shaved on the sides, long on top, and unkempt- some pieces sticking straight up dramatically. 

As soon as he saw him, Ryan screamed. The man spun around, the motion almost comical, and he started screaming as well. Ryan, spooked, swung the skateboard at the stranger, hitting him so hard that it cracked. Although, he’d only managed to hit the length of the man’s arm, even though he was aiming for his head. He was too short.

The man started speaking, or rather, shouting.

“Wait! Wait!” he begged. “Wait a second! Ryan, wait a second!”

“How do you know my name?” Ryan demanded, dropping the skateboard, but not relaxing in the slightest. He looked as if he were about to bolt. 

“It’s me-” he said. “It’s Shane. I’m Shane. You can see me now.”

“It’s-- It’s uh--” Ryan stuttered, still feeling shell shocked. He looked the man up and down. Now that his brain wasn’t in danger mode, he could tell that the man looked very familiar, similar to the man he’d seen in all the pictures. From the warm, brown eyes, to the worn jean jacket, to the unkempt hair and soft stubble framing his face. He was tall, and awkward, like he heard about. 

But-- he was right there- he was standing right there and Ryan had hit him with a skateboard, not passed through him, actually hit him! This person was a solid, real human.

“You’re supposed to be dead.” Ryan said bluntly. He didn’t mean to sound so rude, or cold, but he was confused. Wasn’t Shane dead? Hadn’t he been killed? Was his happy life just a dream? Was this a dream?

“Well,” Shane said, patting himself down. “I was dead. I might still be?” 

Ryan felt some of the tension in him melt away. Just a tiny trickle, at the smile that pulled Shane’s face, and he sensed himself smiling back- if only just slightly. He shakily reached out a hand for Shane to touch, to see if he was really real- if he was really solid. Shane saw this, and reached out as well. 

When their hands touched, Ryan felt it, and he was warm. The calloused pads of Shane’s fingers traced over the lines in Ryan’s hand, sending shivers all through him. He stared for a heartbeat or two at Shane, completely speechless. 

“You’re warm...” he said. “You’re alive?” 

Shane didn’t move or response to the question- as if this all was some kind of illusion- as if the wrong movement would shatter it all. Ryan payed that no mind, he had one thing in mind that he wanted to do.

He moved forward and wrapped his arms around Shane’s torso before the other man could protest. Ryan pressed his ear hard against the man’s chest and listened. Against his ear, he heard, without a doubt, a heartbeat. After a moment, he felt Shane’s awkward arms come down around him, and it was like all of those night they shared Ryan’s bed, but this time- Shane wasn’t cloaked in darkness. This time, it was real, and Ryan could hug him back. 

“H-How?” Ryan asked softly, feeling a weird, overwhelming emotion bubble up in him. Confusion, sadness, happiness, and love.

“I don’t know,” he said. “One moment, I was about to toss around your pillows for something to do, the next moment, I could see my reflection in your mirror.”

“You were gonna mess up my bed?” Ryan laughed, but it sounded a little choked, as a few tears ran down his face. 

Shane moved his hand to wipe away the tears.

“Yeah, I’m haunting you after all,” he said, although his voice was softer now, his arms pulling Ryan closer- tighter- “isn’t that what ghosts do?”

“I guess it is.” Ryan said, and closed his eyes. He felt safe. “But you’re not a ghost anymore. What are you gonna do now?”

“Idk,” he muttered. “become a human again?” 

Ryan laughed, Shane joining in, too. “You can stay here if you’d like.”

Shane paused for a moment, before running his hand through Ryan’s hair. “I would like that. No- I would love it.”

-the end(?)-

[honeyedmilks]

the longest gtk me tag to ever exist 🍰

i was tagged by the lovely @meanyoongis (thank YOU!! <3) for this extravagant tag! she is so long, even without my rambling, that under a cut she must rest!

the last…

drink: water! please stay hydrated this summer my friends!  time you cried: literally at 5 am at some point early in the week

phone call: my mum

text message: it’s literally me messaging rezka this: “did u just tell me to find a sugar daddy?” we were discussing my shitty laptop and a peach phone cover i wanted to buy- don’t ask anymore questions about this please lmfao.

song you listened to: don’t stop by shinee :’( (i’m going to report choi minho for his rap in this as well as my love jonghyun for his vocals that nearly killed me)

 have you…

dated someone twice: but… i’ve not.. even dated someone.. once… 

kissed someone and regretted it: nope! 

been cheated on: nope!

lost someone special: not in terms of them passing away but i have lost many friends and relationships i still remember; i feel their loss sometimes

been depressed: dfhhdjd i be livin’ that mental illness life right now hskjxk

gotten drunk and thrown up: no, but during my very bad times, i thought about doing just that, a lot. 

list three favourite colours…

omg okay: browns, pinks, blues 

in the last year have you…

made new friends: yes! i love them!! shout out to my cute tumblr friends :’))) 

fallen out of love: hmm… i would say so… THANK GOD 

laughed until you cried: i wish lmfao but rezka and allie have made me laugh loads :’)) 

found out someone was talking about you: hmm yes, but it’s ok :(( 

met someone who changed you: i know some people now who have given me sound advice that i try to remember, but other than that i don’t think so

found out who your friends are: yes :(( though i would like to think the ones who didn’t check up on me had their reasons 

kissed someone on your facebook list: i’m literally the most un-sensual person ever?? can u tell?? no action up in dis bitch y’all!

general…

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i should’ve mentioned before that i’m not even on that… place… imagine having all my asian family members tryna peep me on ‘the facebooks’ as my dad calls it… a living nightmare… also it just looks far too complicated to use and not worth the energy getting used to it, i love the memes that i see from facebook here though lmfaoo they’re lit

do you have any pets: no! :(( i used to have a bunny called bubbles but he is no longer with us :(( rest in peace bubbles :(( but our family wants a new pet! hopefully we’ll get a cat or another rabbit when my littlest brother is a bit older! i’m so lonely… i want a dog.. my family is so incomplete… so cold…so devoid… I JUST WANT AN ANIMAL FRIEND!!! but i would also have to get over my weird fear of all living things, and the pain that comes with having them such as scratches etc 

do you want to change your name: actually no, i’m okay with my name right now :’) though i feel like i have two depending on how people pronounce it! its more commonly pronounced as sof-ee-a but it’s actually soft, like sof-ya! also here’s a fact! my name’s already been changed :D when i was younger i was actually named bariah (pronounced br-ee-ya) but it was changed because my parents and stuff thought it was causing me lots of bad luck… i also somehow got picked on in primary school for having my name changed?? people eventually ended up saying i had changed my name like three times (the real case is that white people fucked up how to pronounce bariah and when my mum corrected them, they all flipped shit lmfao ah my head hurts thinking about this- it got worse after it went from bariah to sofia)                               

what did you do for your last birthday: it was so miserable this was the worst year to ask me this question, lmfao i’ll try not to give you any miserable details but i ended up buying myself cake and trying not to make it my departing date too

what time did you wake up: near 1pm i think! 

what were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was either watching the princess’ man or making my posters for it! 

name something you can’t wait for: honestly don’t know lmfao i want to go to the beach though so here’s hoping i finally do that, or go swimming 

when was the last time you saw your mom: like an hour ago, she’s making dinner i think… i can smell it… all the way from my depression hole (bedroom)

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: so much? but mostly i would like my dad to get better and my mum to not have to do everything :(( and then go on more holidays and live life more :(( also mental illness be gone!!

what are you listening right now: fuckin artificial love by exo dropped on ma shuffle, i’m getting terrible flashbacks to the cane dance  

have you ever talked to a person named tom: aye i know a guy called tom, he got a part of his tooth chipped (It was a whole big wild thing and i don’t know the details but that’s all i remember of the dude) and he was in my english class once, but like, we don’t talk no more… i don’t even know if i’ve seen him around school when i used to go… 

something that is getting on your nerves: lots of things… my potato laptop… myself… no one in my gotdang family listening to me!!! the fact that it’s been two weeks and i still don’t have delicious cake… also the fact i end up hating everything i make on here- thank you guys for being so lovely in your tags tho :’(( 

most visited website: tbh tumblr, pinterest, pixlr and dramanice

about me…

mole/s: i don’t think i have any? maybe some small dark dots here and there on my legs and neck

mark/s: i have some burn scars and a bit of a scar thing on my elbow where i scraped it really badly as a kid, i also have stretch marks on my waist/hips etc and a blotchy mark in my inner left thigh

childhood dream: i think i was set on being an interior designer at one point? lmfao or a celebrity chef (i watched a lot of food network as a kid) 

hair colour: black

long or short hair: very very long, but i want to get it cut soon so it’s a bit shorter. 

do you have a crush on someone: i mean there’s this one boy in real life… but i don’t see him that much right now :(( i don’t think it’s full on infatuation though… but y’all also know i love jonghyun and changkyun 

what do you like about yourself: AKDNSKJDKJADDJ i broke out the caps for this!!! lemme think… i guess my eyebrows can be rather nice! and i can be funny sometimes i guess lmao… i like how i can be empathetic with people, though it’s not at all always fun being so sensitive

piercings: i have my ears pierced! just one in each lobe :) 

blood type: you trippin if you thought i would know this LMFAO 

nickname: binch i gots so many oh my god… my family, such as my aunt, call me brian (derived from my old name bariah- thank god i told you guys about that otherwise none of you would know why my nickname was fucking BRIAN), some people call me sofie/ sophie, and my mum calls my sofie pofie sometimes- my dad calls me sofar (so-fur) in the most desi way possible- he once accidentally called me sofa and it just stuck, it also explains my instagram user name (sofarsoogood) lmfao its a cute pun and i don’t know if this is a nickname but i get adressed as baji/baj by my younger brothers and sisters and cousins- its like the desi term for older sister 

relationship status: your local potato head (that’s me) is on her lonesome… she single as hell bitch!

zodiac: aquarius (i’m sure i spelt that wrong, rezka once dragged me for spelling it as some other dumb shit before BUT OH WELL) 

pronouns: she/her!

favourite tv show (s): i don’t even know, parks and recreation is a good one though :’)) oooh and I LOVE CRIMINAL MINDS though i’ve not seen much of the new season :(( oh and an idiot abroad is fucking funny bye i need to rewatch that ooh also lots of cooking shows and the jane eyre bbc (2006) mini series 

tattoos: no, but i would like to get some more henna done this year :’D

right or left hand: right!

surgery: i don’t think so? but i did get some teeth taken out when i was younger so i don’t know if that counts lmfao 

hair dyed in different colour: no, but it would be nice to get it done one day!! i’ve been thinking about it… but i don’t know what colour would suit me and my mum doesn’t want me to lmfao 

sport: i like cycling (its been ages tho) and i like badminton, yoga and i really want to go swimming :(( but i don’t do any of that anymore. the most i do is long walking 

vacation: i’ve been to pakistan, england, stopped in dubai for a while, italy, france, turkey and egypt! it was all so long ago though! and i would like to go to so many more places!

pair of trainers: i have converse! though i much prefer sandals over converse

more general…

eating: these days i’m very into chips and cheese plus donner (don’t knock it till ya try it!) and my mum’s roti salan lmfao 

drinking: hmm water! or icy drinks! iced tea is fabulous but i also gotta start drinking green tea again! i miss her 

i’m about to: pass out from trying to answer all of these LMFAO JOKES i might get something to eat.. such as ice cream… or actual dinner… and then maybe watch more of the princess’ man or make some stuff! but who knows i might just fall asleep lmfao 

waiting for: a new laptop, my mental health TO GET BETTER SDHKSHKSDH and for just… i dunno what the heck i’m doing, i’m just winging my life right now and for my dad to get better so he can go on trains and buses with me so i can get used to them  

want: new bath bombs and clothes, my writing passion back, hugs, affection, allie to reunite with her chicken hat one day

get married: i most likely will when i’m older! though i’ve been told i’m already in a relationship with jp and bevy maco 

career: HONESTLY DON’T KNOW!!!!!! but if i filter all my shit out then i can say, i want to get into film, defos want to be a published writer, maybe go into graphic design… who knows tbh maybe counselling? 

which is better…

hugs or kisses: it depends on what kind of kiss/ where it is, but i often get in moods where i just need to be held :’(( so both i guess!

lips or eyes: both :’) but eyes over lips i guess unless we’re talking smiles :’) 

short or tall: i guess tall but if i’m in love it might not really matter              

older or younger: hmm, i would say the same age as me or a little older, but it really depends on the mentality of the person :) 

nice arms or nice stomach: arms are nice :’) 

sensitive or loud: hmm i don’t know… probably loud, just not obnoxious or annoying

hook up or relationship: relationship :’) 

troublemaker or hesitant: hmm i don’t know! the boys i’ve liked have ended up being some troublemakers, but i guess it depends on what kind of trouble! 

have you ever…

kissed a stranger: nope!

drank hard liquor: never 

lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t wear glasses or contact lenses but i have lost some sunglasses on holiday lmfao, it doesn’t even have to be a day before i lose something on holiday, or leave it behind

turned someone down: hmm i don’t think so! though one boy did try give me a valentine on valentine’s day but i was really having a terrible day and i didn’t take it from him, the encounter was a mess and i don’t know why he was tryna give it to me in the first place? i think he was just tryna get rid of it?? i don’t trust boys if they do stuff like that/ try ask me out tbh lmfao for many reasons

sex on the first date: oh no not my shy ass lmfao

broken someone’s heart: i don’t know :( most likely not! though there was one person i think i did hurt and let down  

had your heart broken: i’m not sure in the romantic sense, but i know it’s felt a lot 

been arrested: nope! i’m an angel ;)) LMFAO 

cried when someone died: hmm i can’t remember, i think i cried seeing my mum so upset when her mother passed away, i also have shed tears over michael jackson (i used to be a very heavy mj blog back in the day lmfao shout out to my mj mutuals who stuck around) 

fallen for a friend: i don’t think it was genuine, so i’m going to say no 

do you believe in…

yourself: pfff depends really, there are times when i don’t feel an overwhelming sense of insecurity and there are times i do                    

miracles: i guess so :)

love at first sight: i think you can be attracted to someone when you first see them or have a liking to them but real love is such a complex thing that i don’t really believe one can fall in love at first sight

santa claus: kjdcnjdcnjd who dat i only know dat cool guy in narnia who gave dem kids of old their death devices

kiss on the first date: hmm… depends… but in reality… probably no

angels: yes  

other…

current best friends name: rezka, allie, mhairi, (a mix of tumbly friends and irl) im such a loser bye but i love y’all, i honestly don’t talk to a lot of people these days :(( 

eye colour: so dark they look black and you can’t see my pupils sometimes

favourite movie(s): hmm… sabrina (1954), the mummy one and two, peter pan (2003), pride and prejudice (2005) and spy! i have lots more i’m so fond of!  

phew! time to tag some lovely people! : @youngjei , @allonsy-allie , @dansphil , @seokjinings , @junyeol-s , @bovrilcat , @alcenos , @astraelogy , @mahnoorjahan , @timrggins and @bonqhee! 💗

[amevello-blue]

Nausea/Stomachache/Stomach Virus Survival Guide

I deal with nausea and vomiting on a daily basis. I sometimes have to remind myself what to do on bad days, and also my mom who has to deal with me when I feel super gross. So I figured why not make a guide? This can be used for those who experience chronic nausea/stomach pain or for a muggle stomach flu. Also stomachs and digestive systems are weird, so it’s a lot of trial and error with what works for you and what doesn’t. This is how I deal with it, so if something doesn’t work for you don’t do it again!

This doesn’t include how to deal with throwing up if you’re emetophobic!

Nausea First and foremost, nausea sucks. There are a few ways to combat it! If you’re dealing with really intense nausea over long periods of time and you expect to be dealing with it for a while, ask your doctor about zofran. It’s a dissolve-on-tongue tablet that tastes sort of like peppermint. Personally I don’t mind the taste but some people find it absolutely disgusting so it’s sort of a balancing act on whether it works good enough to deal with the taste. If you can’t, brushing your teeth is always a good way to get rid of it. Toothpaste taste is strong.

If zofran isn’t enough, or you can’t handle the smell, look up “quease ease” on amazon. It’s an essential oil aromatherapy-type thing that helps with nausea. Doctors sometimes give it to surgery patients that are experiencing nausea. You just sniff it and it honestly helps a ton. It’s kept me from throwing up during flares and helped friends who are feeling a little carsick. It is my lifesaver. They come in little plastic packets if you plan on using them short term, or there’s a silver stick that you twist the cap on and sniff it for a more long-term situation. It may seem expensive but it seriously works wonders and it lasts FOREVER I’ve had mine for almost two years now and it’s still going strong.

Heat will make nausea worse. When you drink, try to drink something cold. Sometimes it helps the nausea, and if you’ve been throwing up you need to keep hydrated anyway.

Vomiting Keep a bucket by your bed. I use movie popcorn buckets because they’re cheap and easy to clean out. My mom has taken to buying me holiday-based buckets like halloween buckets and easter buckets to switch out. You can find them at the dollar store. Keep it within easy reach in case you don’t have much warning/can’t move much, make sure they’re deep so you can just stick your face in there. Also, keep one next to the toilet! Even if you have a garbage can in there! Because when you get up and move around to pee your entire digestive system goes crazy and you might throw up even if you didn’t feel like you were going to. Cleaning out a bucket > cleaning bathroom floor.

Stay close to the bathroom. You probably don’t feel too hot as it is, and by the time  you figure out you have to throw up you feel even worse. Walking is not going to be your forte. Keep the path clear, especially since you might not make it to the bathroom.

Most of the time I recommend just getting it all out. You’ll feel a lot better afterwards than you will if you keep choking it down. That being said, if you’re throwing up a lot throughout the day, to the point where you’re throwing up water even, talk to a doctor. They can prescribe meds that actually stop vomiting.

Cool wet washcloths on your face after throwing up feels pretty great! Also good to brush your teeth afterwards. If you can’t handle the taste of toothpaste just use water, but it’s still a good idea to brush your teeth since vomit is acidic and it also tastes gross.

Eating/Drinking Most people probably won’t think much about eating when they have the stomach flu but I’m so used to it that most of the time, about an hour after I throw up I have to eat something. My default is plain saltine crackers! You can get them unsalted as well. Ritz crackers can worse as well, though I usually stick to saltines when I feel really bad because they don’t have much of a taste. Sucking on ice pops are also pretty good, the cold helps calm nausea. If you have your own ice pop mold thingy, gatorade ice pops are the bomb.

If you’re feeling like a bit more, plain sandwiches are good. Low-fat cheese and sliced turkey or chicken is my go-to. Rice is also bland if you cook it with just water and nothing else.

Keep in mind it takes a while for stuff to travel to your stomach. You want to eat just a little bit, like five crackers or something, before deciding if you can eat more. Don’t eat if you aren’t hungry. You’ll regret it later. DO drink as much as you can without stuffing yourself with water!

Bedbound Survival If you’re too sick to pull yourself out of bed except to pee, I suggest some things to do. The idea is to keep your brain as active as possible to take focus away from pain and/or nausea, so add or subtract activities you can do.

Watch YouTube! Let’s plays are how I survive. It keeps my ears and eyes busy without the stress of a TV show drama or movie. Your stomach can react to moods, so if you get anxious or excited it might get worse.

Take a snooze! Naps are great. Sleep when you can, especially if you have a muggle flu! You can be awake when you feel better.

Listen to a podcast! I wouldn’t suggest anything funny since laughing is very stomach-based and oh god laughing when your stomach is killing you is absolutely awful. I tend to listen to stuff that keeps my brain interested. Astonishing Legends is a cool podcast about unsolved mysteries and cryptids. They include theories and cite sources n stuff so really I just recommend it in general. They also have some humor but it’s not going to make you cackle while you’re vomiting so that’s a plus.

Video games! Some video games do cause nausea when I feel bad, even if they don’t when I feel okay, so I have a chart of games I can play and how ill they make me feel. Flat games or fixed-camera angle games are usually the safest bet, so I end up playing Pokemon or Animal Crossing half the time. Kingdom: New Lands on Steam is also a good side-scroller that doesn’t include too much skill or attention.

TV, as mentioned earlier, is usually too stressful for my upset stomach to handle. But I’m also really sensitive. If there’s a show you enjoy watching, watch it. Just make sure it doesn’t get you excited or riled up because your stomach will revolt.

Reading can sometimes make me nauseous. Kind of like carsickness except I’m just sitting there reading. I tend not to read a lot when I feel gross. Building on that...

Avoid social media! Especially if it’s something like Tumblr or Facebook where stuff that’s upsetting or gross can pop up at any second. If you’re using it to talk to friends that’s just fine, but honestly seeing discourse is the last thing you wanna deal with when you’re sick/flaring.

Get Comfy Depending on what kind of stomach pain/nausea I’m having I can get comfortable in different ways. Almost always, though, I am on my back, slightly elevated. I can handle my side sometimes, but laying on my stomach is a big no-no. Pressure won’t help. A pillow throne, however, definitely will. Blankets are a definite plus.

I usually have a fan on my face because it helps with my nausea, and the sound can be comforting as white noise. I have big lights off and maybe my glow lamp on, or my christmas lights that are up in my room on. It helps me fall asleep when I can.

Keeping Clean Nausea sucks, and vomiting is gross. Of course the best course of action is to hit the bucket every time, but some people aren’t as talented as I am at projectile vomiting into buckets (I was complimented by an ER nurse once because I made it into a bucket during a complete blackout I don’t remember any of it).

In bed, on the couch, or wherever you’re set up, it’s a good idea to have a towel or two down on your lap, or beside you. If you throw up suddenly, you’re first reaction is going to be to roll or sit up. Towels won’t keep everything off of sheets and blankets, but it will keep the worst of it off. I have a set of old beach towels for this purpose. Dollar store towels will also work.

If you’re positive you’re gonna throw up before you can make it to the bathroom, aim for wood/tile floors. Worst case scenario, grab the hem of your shirt and lift it like a bowl and throw up into that. You can change shirts and shower easier than you can get vomit out of the carpet.

Unfortunately I don’t have many tips on cleaning, which is because I am fortunate enough to have my mom clean up after me while I pass out in bed after a flare.

Recovery This can work for recovering from a muggle flu or for after flares. Keep eating bland things in very small, frequent meals instead of eating big meals only a couple times a day. Only eat when you’re hungry, but try to eat at least a little bit if you haven’t eaten anything all day. Keep drinking lots!

Try sitting up more often once you’re ready. Let your stomach settle completely and then stand up. Shuffle around the room a bit. Maybe go pet your dog for a bit. Use the bathroom, refill your drink. Go lay back down. Getting stamina back after a flare/muggle flu can be difficult, but remember to go easy on your body! Nap whenever you can, and if you aren’t sure you should be going out, be safe and don’t. Trust yourself about how far you can push yourself!

Anyway, thank you for reading! I hope this is helpful to someone somewhere someday. This is the only thing I have expertise in. lol