#not to mention getting my period after 6 months of nothing having one

[leviiackrman]

Me: I wanna be productive so bad! I wanna finish my drawings!!

Illness: how about barf up a lung?

[lavenderspence]

Missing the happy hormone | S.R.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Content warning: emotional reader, period mention, fluff

Word Count: 1.8K

Summary: Apparently Spencer Reid could make anything better - even the emotional disaster of being on your period

A/N: First, huge thank you to the cutie that sent in this request, you literally caught me while on my period so this was born. Also, here’s to my inability to write short fics, this is your only warning that i can make and will make anything long, lol. Also, my titles suck omg. And shoutout to my crazy bestie for making me a Mamma Mia girly, she rocks.

But also, happy one month to this blog! When I carved out this little space for myself a month ago I wasn’t really sure how I’d feel being back here and writing again, but so far it’s been a treat. A huge thank you for all of your support and love and thank you to my mutuals and everyone that interacted with my blog. 💕 Here’s to many more months to come!

Request: spencer x fem!reader on her period/ovulating and shes in tears all the time?? Im ovulating and have been crying for hours and keep calling my mom lmaoo he’d been so lovely and sweet I know it I can feel it in my bones

masterlist

It was a slow day at the BAU. The most exciting thing in the 6 hours Spencer had spent at work was Rossi’s invitation to dinner the following weekend. 

Paperwork had piled high after their last 2 cases, so every team member was hunched over their desk, writing and revising reports. It was a never-ending cycle - finish a report, close the file, open a new one, and start all over again.

His eyes had started getting tired after four and a half hours, his hand had started cramping and he was down two pens so far, yet there was still a prominent pile on his desk.

He suspected Morgan and Emily might have pushed a file or two from theirs onto his load, seeing as he was getting done the fastest. Regardless, every few hours JJ was bringing even more to pile on top of everything that wasn’t finished, so buried in paperwork they stayed - no matter how fast he wrote or read, or how used to the load he was.

He was just thinking about getting up to prepare a fresh pot of coffee so he could function properly for a few more hours when his phone started ringing. He felt around the pockets of his suit jacket, where it sat draped on his chair, and then pulled it free. 

His display showed an incoming call, a picture of you as he hugged you, hands around your middle and face almost buried into your neck, a soft smile gracing both your faces. A scenery rich with reds, browns, and yellows stood behind you, the beauty of fall was nothing short of spectacular. 

The picture you’d taken last year when the team spent a weekend at Rossi’s cabin in the woods, surrounded by the beauty of landscapes and leaves, nature for miles. 

He accepted the call right away, a small smile on his face. 

“Hey sweetheart.” His voice was gentle, if a little raspy from misuse. He hadn’t talked much in the last few hours - just a distracted short answer here or a hum there. He was happy you were calling, though, welcoming the reprieve from the most recent report. 

It was silent for a few seconds, and he wondered absentmindedly if maybe you hadn’t called him on accident, and then there came a tiny little sniffle from your side. 

“Sweetheart?” He prompted, “Are you there? What’s going on?” Worry was starting to creep into the base of his spine, but he still remained calm and kept his voice gentle. 

“I’m here. Hi.” Another small sniffle, “All’s good. Just…I was just wondering how much longer you’d be gone.” Your voice was small,like you thought you might upset him by asking, and a little crackly, like you yourself were upset about something. 

His eyebrows furrowed, and he checked the time quickly - 3:57 pm. 

“Probably about two more hours, there’s a lot of paperwork we need to go through.” His eyes met Emily’s as she sent him a curious, questioning look. 

“Oh, okay.” The resignation was clear in your voice, “I’ll see you later then.” The call ended abruptly, and it took him a second to catch up.

He couldn’t help but feel like not everything was as good as you claimed it was. For one, you rarely called to ask when he’d be home - you knew his work could span into the late hours, or even stretch for days. You let him update you on any changes in his work schedule. 

In your interactions, your voice was usually upbeat and teasing - especially on the phone. Your kindness was always evident in your voice, as was your mood. You were a sunshine person, if he ever met one, that’s probably why you and Penelope formed such a close bond upon meeting. 

There was something that nagged him - a change in your mood he could pick up on just by your voice - too low, too small, and the cracks that he could now identify as he replayed your conversation in his head. You were keeping yourself from crying out, and yet there was nothing more apparent than the tears in your voice. And that made him worry. 

“Reid, are you okay?” Emily’s voice snapped him from the hard stare he’d been giving his phone in the last several minutes since the call ended. 

“I…I don’t know.” His eye twitched, and he cleared his throat before he tried and failed to articulate exactly what was happening - he himself had a hard time understanding. One thing he knew was that he needed to get home. “I..um, I need to go. Can you, please?” He asked, gusting at the remaining three files on his desk before he pulled his suit jacket on and grabbed his satchel. 

Morgan and Emily shared a mildly concerned look before they both nodded their heads, “Yeah, go. Text to let us know if everything is okay.” Morgan reminded him before he exited the bullpen with a fast step and tried to keep calm.

He was aware the situation wasn’t anything that he needed to be incredibly worried over - if something was really wrong, he knew you would have let him know. Yet, he couldn’t help the way his heart constricted by the sound of your voice, or the overwhelming desire to come home and gently hold you, see what could have caused this behavior. 

You were curled up on the couch, watching as Donna helped Sophie get ready for her wedding, the gentle melody of “Slipping through my fingers” filling the empty apartment. Your eyes were watering, to the point that everything was starting to get blurry. A shaky exhale left your lips.

Today has simply been a rollercoaster. Kissing Spencer goodbye this morning was the highlight of the day. What followed was nothing short of an emotional disaster. 

You’d teared up during breakfast, images of picking berries with Spencer flying through your mind. The desire to make it a reality was strong. 

Following that had come the overwhelming urge to bawl your eyes out, for no apparent reason whatsoever. Just cry and cry until you had it all emptied out and you could take a deep breath and continue with your day. So, cry you did, and then you’d finished with your chores for the day. 

Apparently letting it all out and emptying your tear supply hadn’t happened. Seeing as around 3:30 you’d started missing your boyfriend so much, the need to hear his voice had won out, so you’d called him. You felt the need to have him home to hold you because this month’s visit from mother flow was making you feel like a crybaby.

But then there was disappointment at the notion that you needed to wait close to 3 hours before that could happen. So you quickly ended the call before he could pick up on the tone of your voice, and then you shed a few tears. 

Now here you were, rewatching Mamma Mia because you really needed a pick me up, and once again, eyes shining as the tears started falling. At this point, it was a losing battle, so you let them fall, humming to the song with a broken voice. 

That’s exactly how Spencer found you, not a minute later. His keys were in his hand, the satchel on his shoulder, and he was just a little bit out of breath. 

The moment his eyes met you, they softened as he dropped everything and sat down next to you. His hand reached up and he cradled the side of your face, wiping your tears away. 

“Hey, sweetheart. What’s wrong?” He asked in a whisper.

“Look at Donna painting Sophie’s nails, it’s...” You hiccuped, another wave of tears washing over you. “And you’re home, why are you home?” Your question was met with a furrow in his brow, as his thumbs continued wiping underneath your eyes. 

“You called.” He answered simply. 

“But you said-” He stopped you before you could finish your sentence.

“I did, yes. But you sounded off and sad, so. Want to tell me what’s going on?” He prompted you gently as he pushed your hair back and pulled you into his lap after, feeling like you needed the physical contact. 

You weren’t ashamed to admit it, per se, but you were ashamed that your hormones had caused him to leave work and race home to be with you. 

“It’s my period,” you mumbled, hands wrapping around his neck as you hid your face in his chest, too tired to prevent your eyes from watering again. “It’s been going on all day. Randomly, I’d just get so emotional, and the tears would start. I was missing you so much too, and then hearing the song, bam, tears again. I’m so done with this Spence.” You sounded barely coherent, with your face pushed as close to him as possible. 

It all made sense now, you’d been cranky a few days ago, and then you’d told him last night your cramps were unbearable, so he knew you were on your period, but right now he felt like an idiot for not figuring it out himself. 

“It’s okay, everything is fine. The drop in estrogen and progesterone, following your ovulation triggered this. This in turn reduced the production of serotonin, your happy hormone. So, we just need to boost it a bit.” He whispered into your ear as you played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. 

“How?” You sighed into his chest, almost being able to pick up on the sound of his heartbeat.

He got deep in thought for a few seconds as you breathed in his scent, and a sense of calmness slowly overtook you now that he was home and holding you. One of his hands was running soothing circles on your back as the other held your hand, fingers interlocked. 

“How about we take a trip to the store and get you some snacks? We’ll pick up dinner on the way home and then I'll hold you some more and you'll pick a movie for us to watch.” He suggested, kissing the crown of your head once, twice, and many more times until you gave him an answer. 

“Yeah, yeah, I think that would help, but just having you here has done wonders.” You finally laid your head against his chest, looking up to meet his eyes. He smiled, and so did you. Having him here really had helped immensely, and when had it not? He was your other half, your rock, and even when your emotions ran rampant or you were feeling down, just his presence, his touch, and his understanding were enough to make it all okay. 

Later in the evening, Penelope sent you a photo of Sergio sleep-hugging a little plushy you’d gotten him, and the waterworks started all over again. Luckily, Spencer was there, wiping your tears and kissing your head, saying a thousand things without actually speaking a word.

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Requests are open for both Spencer and Hotch if you want to send any!

[inky125]

Mary Linton and Jack Marston meeting in 1922

Okay but these are just my headcanons for the very improbable scenario that they end up bumping into each other in the future. / My headcanons for what they would do with their lives after the events of rdr/rdr2

(I'm going to explain them under the cut)

Okay so, starting with Jack:

I want to believe Jack lived a more or less normal life after killing Ross, successfully getting away with this one (1) murder, and having that as a skeleton in his closet. Not finding peace really, so the whole revenge thing doesn't fix his miserable life but he can go on to try to do something with his life. Gunslinging doesn't really have a place anymore here.

When the US joined WWI I know that boy DID NOT join the US Army, he would NEVER join the group that killed his dad, or make the same mistake as him and make a deal with the government. He would rather be jailed for dodging the draft, what will they do, threaten him with what? He has nothing to live for really, so they can't make him. I don't think he cares much if he gets shot (he has a like saying as much in rdr when he duels Ross).

After the whole jail thing he'd go back to a more or less normal life, I'd guess he would have to have a regular job and write whenever he's able (I want to believe that one Easter egg in GTA is canon...it is to me...), but I don't think he'd be able to make a living just from writing.

As for Mary, I always wondered why Mary was dressed the way she was during the credits cut scene in Rdr2. Because I'm guessing it takes place in 1907 (given that most cut scenes appear to happen at the same time more or less than the epilogue). But I wondered why Mary was dressing in black; I mean, during the Victorian era there were very specific mourning traditions, especially for women. Wearing black was pretty much a part of a social thing, you'd publicly mourn. The extension of your mourning would depend on who died and what was your relationship with them.

And here is the thing, Arthur had died 8 years ago by then, we could assume Mary had found out shortly after of his dead because newspapers in the Rdr2 universe love to brag whenever law enforcement/Pinkertons kill renown outlaws. (Even Arthur and Hosea get mentioned years later in some sort of article in 1907 too). And additionally, we know that Mary kept up with how the gang, especially Arthur, was doing through the news on the newspapers. So again, it wouldn't be crazy to assume she knew about Arthur's death back in 1899.

So then, why is she wearing a black dress to visit his grave in 1907?. Black is the color of mourning, but as far as I am aware (and correct me if I'm wrong) it was not required to visit a grave back in the day. So I like to headcanon Mary mourning Arthur like a widow, because widows would have to wear their black weeds for 2 years (there were different periods of mourning, for instance Mary's clothes could be classified under the 'half-mourning' type, meaning there has been at least 6 months since her loved one passed away, meaning she could now wear some jewelry, other colours, ect.

But here is a little extra, Queen Victoria popularized among some women the practice to never abandon their period of half mourning, and especially, keep wearing black the rest of their lives even if they move on, as a sign of love for their dead husband.

Mary and Arthur never got married, but I like to think Mary lived as a widow for him. Continuing with her life as normal, of course, but always having that bittersweet ache in her heart, dressing in black out of respect and love for him and the life they couldn't have. Even if she had wanted to move on from him after she realized they couldn't be together as Arthur wouldn't leave the gang, I think she would have folded if Arthur had gone after her (I mean she did re-initiate contact after they were supposed to never speak again), and I think she was still preparing herself emotionally when she heard the news that Arthur was dead, ironically not moving on from him.

She didn't remarry, Jamie made good money and maintained her, Mary knew the kind of life she didn't want and she could be respectable and old as a widow. Plus marrying someone new at her age would be a titanic task.

I think Mary kept her mother's brooch Arthur returned for her as her reminder of him, given that she returned the picture and the ring. In fact she's wearing it when she visits Arthur's grave in-game!. So I kept that

It just warms my heart to think of the very few people left who knew about the gang finding each other in usual ways. Maybe next time I'd do Sadie or Charles. I'm just a sucker for this kind of things

[trumanbluee]

the only time i feel i might get better - matty healy

minors dni !! this is 17+ nsfw material !!!

please reblog if you like it! ᡣ𐭩

content: you get sick at matty's and he takes good care of you <3

word count: 4.6k

warnings: mention of vomit, oc is on her period :( , a bad ending, and matty being very very darling.

a/n: hi!! i know i said i wasn't going to post again for a bit but i think this is so cute and its just sitting in my drafts!! enjoy ( and pls reblog if you do! ) :)

She groaned in her sleep, stirring slightly as she felt another cramp tear through her stomach, the ache travelling down into her legs as she tucked them to her chest, brows furrowing at the sudden pain. She hadn’t slept well all night, spending an hour of it with her head in the toilet, Matty holding her hair back and rubbing her back softly, bless his heart. 

Her heart dropped at the thought of him having to see her in that position, retching what little food was in her stomach, up. They were a relatively new couple, having been dating for almost 6 months, and, of course, she’d had her period around him, but she’d never gotten it at his place, and never felt as sick as she did right now around him either. She felt horrible, half from the pain in her slightly puffy, bloated, lower belly, and half from the embarrassment of him seeing her like this. 

Fluttering her eyes open, she saw that Matty’s side of the bed was empty and, upon further inspection with her outstretched hand, he’d been up for a while, the sheets a crisp cold feeling compared to the warmth of her blanket cocoon. She sighed, wondering if he’d been able to go back to sleep at all after the nights events, before her thoughts of uncertainty were interrupted when he tiptoed into the room, obviously under the impression she was asleep, holding a tray of pancakes, orange juice, a cup of coffee, and a vase of fresh flowers. 

He stopped when he turned towards the bed, noticing her eyes peeking out from behind the fluffy duvet, and smiled softly, head tilting to the left as her asked her sweetly, “Morning, baby. Feelin’ any better today?”

This earned him a firm shake of her head as she sat up in the bed, lip pouted slightly to show him her discontent. He cooed, placing the tray of food in front of her on the bed, ensuring the legs of the miniature table were stable before he sat down on the other side of the bed, planting a soft kiss to her temple. 

“Don’t have to eat it all if you don’t want, honey, I just wanted to wake you up with something nice after you had such a horrible night.” He said, sitting cross-legged next to her on the bed. He pointed to two little white tablets that lay next to her orange juice. “Brought you some Panadol too, baby. Make sure you eat at least a little before you take it, don’t want you getting sick again, yeah?”

She nodded, “Thank you so much Matty,” She croaked, throat still sensitive from the acidic bile she’d thrown up in the night, “I’m sorry about last night.”

His eyebrows raised, face scrunching in disbelief as he tried to process what she’d just said. He moved closer to her on the bed, hand coming to rest on her knee above the blanket she’d wrapped herself in. 

“Sorry?” He tutted, shaking his head, “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about baby, what'd you mean ‘sorry’?” His lips turned into a slight frown, disheartened at the fact that she felt the need to be sorry about being sick. 

“Ju-Just, you havin’ to stay up with me… I just feel a bit bad that I ruined our night, I guess,” She spoke sheepishly, noticing the disappointed look on his face as she spoke. 

“Oh sweetheart,” He cooed, moving to place the breakfast tray on the floor, before scooting close to her on the bed, pulling her into his chest, one hand rubbing her back in a light rhythm, the other combing through her hair. “You don’t have to say sorry, ‘kay? It’s my job to look after you. Don’t ever apologise for being sick, baby. It happens to everyone.” 

He felt her nod against his chest, and he stopped his fingers carding through her hair as she looked up at him, thinking twice about leaning up to kiss him as she realised she hadn’t brushed her teeth yet this morning.

Almost as if he was reading her mind, he shook his head, laughing to himself softly. 

“Baby, really?” He chuckled, brushing a little bit of sleep from her left eye with the soft pad of his thumb as he did so, “ You wanna kiss me, you can. I think we’re way beyond worrying about morning breath, don’t ya’ think, darlin’?”

She blushed, surprised that he could read her so well, shoving her face into the soft fabric of his white shirt, earning another chuckle from Matty, the sound rumbling in her mind and warming her insides, affecting her probably more than it should have given her in her ill state.

She detached from his chest, fishing the tray of food up off of the floor beside her, and placed it on the bed, before leaning into Matty again, his right arm wrapped around her as she picked at the sweet blueberries that decorated her pancakes.

She sighed contentedly, sipping on her orange juice as she lay, listening to Matty’s steady heartbeat as he sat beside her, twirling a lock of her hair around his finger lazily. She’d be lying if she said that this side of Matty didn’t turn her on, his need to comfort and protect her rising to the surface in a similar way as it did after he’d been particularly rough with her in bed. The idea of him taking care of her a particularly good one in her mind. 

She felt a familiar heat pooling between her thighs as she sat beside him, glancing up at him occasionally as he typed on his phone one-handed, most likely making note of lyrics he’d thought of, his brain constantly moving 100km an hour. She watched as his slender thumb glid smoothly across his screen, pressing the keyboard expertly.

‘This shouldn’t turn me on so much.’ She thought, biting her lip lightly as she shamelessly observed him, now sitting up further in the bed to gain a better view.

She blamed it on her period. Sure, Matty was hot, and, God, she’d fuck him 10 times a day if she had the stamina, lord knows he probably did, but getting turned on by typing? That’s pathetic.

Finally, he saw her out of the corner of his eye, lower lip between her teeth and cheeks a light red as she watched him. He raised an eyebrow, turned his head to face her quizzically.

“What are you looking at?” He smiled at her and she blushed, quickly averting her eyes to the half-eaten pancake in front of her, picking at it delicately.

He laughed softly, “Going shy on me, baby?” he asked, bringing the arm that was wrapped around her shoulder up to her hair, ruffling it playfully, before leaning down to press a firm kiss to her cheek.

She tucked herself deeper into his side, having once again discarded the tray of food onto Matty’s bedroom floor. He wrapped his arm around her once more, giving her a tight squeeze. 

“You okay, honey?” He asked softly, looking down at her as she lay on his chest, tracing her finger softly on the front of his t-shirt, “Feelin’ a bit clingy today? Is that it, huh?”

She nodded, moving impossibly closer to him, wrapping both her legs around his left, her arms wrapping around his bicep, clinging to him like a koala.

He chuckled softly at her, peering at her from the corner of his eye as he watched her cling to him desperately. His attention turned completely towards her however, when he heard a small whimper sound from next to him, at the same time as she’d fidgeted in her spot, causing her sensitive clit to lightly brush the side seam of his sweatpants through her thin sleep-shorts. 

His eyes shot down to her, fearing that she was having the same horrible cramps she experienced in the night. 

“You okay, baby? Tummy hurting again?” He asked, concern evident in his tone.

She was embarrassed, not wanting to admit that the sound was out of pleasure, not pain. So, she nodded, eyebrows creasing together as she looked up at him. 

It was insane how well he could read her. From the second they met, a couple of months before they’d started going out, it was like he could see into her mind and knew almost everything she thought and could anticipate what she was going to say next.

That’s why looking up at him was a huge mistake on her part. He knew as soon as he looked at her he knew that she was lying, and he thought he knew why.

“We’re not lying now, are we sweetheart?” He asked earnestly, looking into her eyes as he spoke. 

“W-what? Why would I lie?” She said, not expecting to be caught out so soon.

He raised his eyebrow at her, expecting her to have admitted her lie, “Oh, okay… so just now, when you wriggled around for a second, and I felt your cunt on my leg, it was just a coincidence that you made that little sound at the same time? Is that right?”

She flushed red, face turning to dig into his arm to hide, embarrassed at being read so easily, once again. She let out a muffled whine, annoyed both his teasing, and her horniness. 

He sat up from the bed, unlatching his arm from her grasp to face her.

“Baby,” He cooed, “want you to use your words when you feel like this, ‘kay? Want you to tell me what you want.” 

She nodded, still covering her flushed face, now with the duvet in place of his bicep.

“I just wanna make sure you’re feeling better after last night, honey. Don’t wanna hurt you or anything, y’know?” 

He looked torn. Torn between his restraint and not wanting to take advantage of her in such a vulnerable state, and his wanting to give her everything she wants on a whim. 

An idea popped into his head, and he stood from the bed, reaching down to peck a quick kiss to her forehead, muttering a ‘be right back’ before exiting the room.

She sat in his bed, awaiting his return as she sipped on the now lukewarm coffee he’d brought her. But it wasn’t very long before he came back, having discarded his shirt and sweats for reasons unbeknownst to her - though she wasn’t complaining, she could spend hours tracing the outlines of his tattoos - especially his ‘We Are Kings tattoo - whether that be with her eyes, fingertips, or tongue.

He walked over to her, boxer shorts hanging low on his hips, and flipped the duvet off her, reaching his hand out for her to take.

“C’mon baby,” He pulled her up, “ran us a bath.” He patted her on the bum softly as he walked past her and out into the hall. She followed dumbly, brain foggy from the tooth-rotting sweetness of their morning in bed together.

Stepping into the bathroom, she saw that not only had he drawn them both a bath, with bubbles in it, which she knew he didn’t like, but had meticulously placed candles around the edge of the bath.

She could’ve cried at the gesture, and she almost did, eyes growing blurry before she blinked the tears away quickly. 

Matty stepped into the bathroom behind her, kissing her on the side of her cheek, then neck, as he reached for the bottom of her (his) shirt, pulling it over her head softly, before tugging her pyjama shorts down. He helped her step into the warm bath, holding his hand out for her to balance on. Once she was in, and he’d made sure the water wasn’t too hot, he tugged his boxers down his legs before stepping into the bath himself, setting himself behind her so her back rested against his chest.

She sighed in content as he brought his large hands up to her shoulders, massaging her upper back soothingly. She leant her head back against his shoulder, Matty retracting his hands from her shoulders to wrap them around her, rubbing her arms up and down soothingly.

He lent down to kiss her on the cheek, instead meeting her lips as she quickly tilted her head to meet him. Meaning for it to be a quick peck, he was surprised when she deepened it, running her tongue along his bottom lip teasingly.

He pulled back, hand resting on her jaw as he guided her lips away. 

He sighed, “Baby… don’t make me be the bad guy,” he frowned, not wanting to tell her a strict no, but also not wanting to hurt her whilst she was in her particularly vulnerable state. 

“Please,” she pleaded, un-slotting her legs from between his beneath the bubbles to squeeze her thighs together desperately. 

He shook his head, shooting her a pleading look, “Honey, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself or to be sick again… I promise, once your period’s done I’ll do whatever you want me to, baby.”

She furrowed her brows in frustration, annoyed at his refusal. Of course, she couldn’t be that annoyed, he was only trying to ensure her comfort and safety, but this didn’t matter in her mind, not when she was this horny. What was she gonna do if he didn’t give in to her? Finger herself to no avail? They both knew that wouldn’t work, and she knew that Matty was the only one who could satiate the need in the pit of her belly.

She spun around in the bath, being careful not to spill any water out of the bath, before pushing away from him slightly to see him better. She huffed, whining “It’s not gonna hurt, promise.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, only now beginning to grasp just how desperate she was, watching as she crossed her legs, heeling digging against her clit harshly, causing her to hiss, wincing slightly at the sensitivity.

She sighed in frustration, pouting slightly as she looked at him with puppy dog eyes. 

“What if– what if I said it would make me feel better? I swear, baby, if it doesn’t feel good I’ll tell you to stop.” She pleaded, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. 

He eyed her carefully, thinking about it carefully. It couldn’t hurt to try, right?

He sighed, lips tugging into a smirk as he finally nodded, ushering for her to resume her previous position, between his legs, back pressed against him. 

He leant down to whisper in her ear, brushing some hair away from her face as he spoke, “Make sure you tell me the second it hurts even a little, okay darlin’?” 

She nodded, leaning her head back against his chest, lingering a soft kiss onto his chin. 

He traced his hands up and down her thighs beneath the water, her legs automatically widening like muscle memory. He laughed breathily in her ear at her eagerness, before sliding his right hand to her core, pressing light circles to her clit as he planted soft kisses along her neck, her having tilted it to the side to grant him further access. 

She moaned softly, bringing a hand up to play with the chocolate curls at the nape of his neck, tugging softly as he began to tease a finger around her entrance, keeping his slow rhythm on her clit. 

“Feel good, honey?” He spoke softly into her ear, not slowing his teasing motions, but not speeding up either. 

She nodded, brows furrowed as he slipped the tip of his index finger inside her. 

“Use your words, baby. Need to hear you say it, ‘kay?”

“F-feels good, Matty, promise.” She stuttered out, his fingers speeding up slightly on her clit for a millisecond, before it returned to its original speed. 

“Good girl,” he murmured in her ear, pushing his index finger into her cunt completely, her head slamming back to meet his chest as he curled it expertly.

Her hand that wasn’t occupied with Matty’s hair emerged from the water, where it had been gripping her thigh, and she placed it on her left boob, swiping her thumb over her nipple delicately and squeezing the soft, meaty flesh around it. 

She arched her back as Matty prodded a second finger into her, curling it as he had the first. As she arched further into his chest, she felt Matty’s hard cock against her back, and teasingly wriggled against it.

He groaned, fingers speeding up as they fucked in and out of her, his hand that was rubbing her clit now came up to brush her hair out of her face, before he flicked her right nipple playfully, ripping a guttural sound from the back of her throat as he returned his hand to her clit, rubbing fast circles over it with his middle and ring finger. 

He felt her cunt tighten around his fingers, thighs slamming together to stop his hands from retracting. 

He pressed his plush, pink, lips to her ear, pressing airy kisses along it as he breathed, “Gonna cum for me, baby? Yeah?” He felt her become impossibly right around his fingers, and she moaned loudly as he said, “Gonna feel so much better afterwards, baby. C’mon, give it to me.”

Matty fingers stilled inside her as she came, eyes squeezing closed and toes curling as the water in the bath sloshed around them, her loud moan echoing around the bathroom. He waited for her breathing to settle slightly before slowly pulling his fingers out, the water in the bath cleaning them off. 

She flipped herself over carefully, legs wobbling slightly  as she straddled his right leg, her boobs planted flat against his chest. She reached up, planting a soft kiss to his lips, whining softly against them as her clit grazed his leg when she pushed herself up. 

Pulling away from her lips, Matty tutted in faux annoyance, rolling his eyes playfully.

“Still not done, baby?” He asked, smoothing his hand over her hair and then resting it on her cheek as she looked up at him,

“No,” she confirmed, half-mooned, lidded eyes peering up at him. 

He sighed, “What am I gonna do with you, huh?” He asked playfully, “Too horny for your own good.” 

She whined as she shifted herself further up his body, his rock hard cock laying flat against her slit as it rested on his stomach. He lay back against the steeper end of the bath, hands on both hips, thumbs drawing shapes on her delicate skin. 

She wriggled her hips slightly, his cock bumping over her clit multiple times before she rose to her knees, almost slipping on the slippery bottom of the bath, luckily being caught by Matty’s large hands on her hips again. 

She laughed softly, looking up at him as she did so, seeing him biting his lip softly to keep in his laugh, the rumbling of his chest betraying him. She slapped his stomach playfully. 

“Hey!” She scolded, “Don’t laugh at me,” She said with a fake pout on her face. 

Matty cooed, laughter still rumbling in his chest as he spoke, “Aw, sorry honey, it's just, when I said I didn’t want you to get hurt, I didn’t mean slipping over in the bath and dying.” He giggled as he spoke, and she couldn’t help but grin at him, pouncing onto him to plant a sweet kiss to his lips, before pulling away.

Her brows furrowed and index finger pointed at him as she reprimanded him, trying her best to keep her face straight as she spoke, “Okay! No more laughing,” Her eyes narrowed at him accusingly, “back to sex.” 

He nodded stiffly, hand coming up to his head as he saluted her militarily, firmly repeating her previous statement. 

She giggled softly, lifting her leg up with help from Matty, before shifting herself on top of him completely, his hard cock trapped between her sticky cunt and his firm belly. She groaned as she rocked back and forth slowly, before pushing herself up slightly, grabbing the base of his cock, tapping it on her clit a few times before she pushed it into herself, sighing in content as she sunk down, the full feeling in her tummy satiating the desire she’d been holding there all day. 

He groaned softly, brows knitting together as she sunk all the way down onto his cock, her clit brushing against the groomed pubic hair at the base. His hands rested on her hips, rubbing shapes softly as he helped guide her up and down on his length. She was so tight around him, clamping down hard when he moved a hand from her hip down to rub her tender, puffy clit.

She moaned breathily, back arched and head thrown back as she bounced on his cock rapidly, water splashing around the bath and onto the floor. Her right hand rested on Matty’s ‘We are Kings’ tattoo, providing her with leverage to move quicker, and her left hand wrapped tightly around his wrist, nails digging into his Mortal Kombat tattoo as her orgasm approached her. 

Matty felt her hips faltering slightly, and her thighs began to shake, causing him to tighten his grip on her hips, holding her still as he slammed his hips up to meet hers. She whined loudly, his thick cock filling her completely, slamming against her cervix with every unyielding thrust. 

“Feelin’ good, baby? He asked breathily, panting slightly, his curls falling in his face, sticking to his slightly damp forehead.

She responded the only way she could through her foggy, fucked-out brain, squeezing his forearm impossibly tight and keening loudly, before her mouth fell open in a silent scream. 

He continued his relentless pace, bringing them both closer and closer to cumming. His brows knitted together in concentration as he tried to keep his pace consistent, but he was struggling. She was so fucking tight, squeezing him like she was afraid that if she didn’t, he’d somehow disappear. 

Thankfully, he could tell she was close, her lower lip pulled between her teeth and cheeks rosy, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t had to hold his orgasm since the second he’d slipped into her. Something about his cock and her cunt fit so right, he could probably cum just at the thought of it. 

Matty looked up at her through the mess of wet curls in front of his eyes, “Need you to rub your clit for me now, ‘kay honey?”. 

She immediately obeyed, bringing the hand that was wrapped around his wrist to rub her clit at a harsh pace. She cried out, hand faltering slightly at the intense pressure building in her lower belly. 

She was so close, she just needed something, anything, to push her over the edge, and almost as though Matty read her mind, he leaned forward, attaching his mouth to her left breast, swirling his tongue around and biting lightly at her perked up nipple. 

The hand rubbing her clit and rapid hip movements halted as she felt Matty, whose head now rested on her shoulder, still inside her, groaning loudly as he came inside her, rope after rope of his sticky cum coating her walls. She wailed, eyes rolling back into her head as the tightness in her stomach finally released. She leaned forward to bite Matty’s shoulder softly, tears streaming down her cheeks at the intensity of both her orgasms. 

She slipped her arms out from between their chests, wrapping them tightly around Matty’s neck before pressing her head into his neck, sighing contently. 

Matty smiled softly against her, lifting the hand that still rested on her left hip to rub her back gently. 

“Water’s gone all cold, sweetheart,” He said, slightly muffled by the delicate skin of her shoulder.

She shrugged lazily in his arms, murmuring back a sweet, “M’cozy.”

“Y’cosy?” He bit back a soft laugh at her lovely voice, “Not gonna be so ‘cosy’ when you get a cold, honey.” He continued rubbing her back, cooing inwardly when he heart a soft sniffle beneath him. 

“How ‘bout this, baby, let me get out, and I’ll go get your clothes, get you nice and dry, and then we can go back to this exact position in my bed… That sound good?”

She nodded weakly against his chest, and that's exactly what they did. Quickly pulling on a new pair of sweats, he remembered he’d laid out some boxers and an old sweatshirt of his on the bed before he’d gotten in the bath, and he was particularly grateful for it now, grabbing the pile off the bed, and a towel warmed from the dryer, before speed-walking back to the bathroom. He knocked softly before walking in, wanting to be safer than sorry, and heard a soft hum from behind the door. A sign to enter, he assumed. 

Walking in, he saw that she was still in the exact position he’d left her in, knees tucked to her chest, with her chin rested against her knees. He cooed, putting her new clothes on the basin before helping her stand in the bath, opening the warm towel and wrapping it around her body, her hands poking out to keep it wrapped around herself as he scooped her up, setting her down to sit on the lid of the toilet. 

Grabbing the clothes off the basin, he slipped the soft grey sweater over her head, and pulled his boxers up her legs, pressing a kiss to her forehead once she was dressed. 

She murmured a ‘thank you’, to which he responded by kissing her again, this time on her lips, before picking her up again, placing a hand on her left knee, pushing it to wrap around his waist, before doing the same to her right. 

Keeping her steady with a hand on her bum, he walked the few steps to his bed as quickly as possible. He held her up with one hand as he used the other to pull back the covers, before carefully crawling into the bed, being sure not to disturbed her comfort in his arms as he did so. 

Wrapping the soft duvet around the both of them, he looked down at her to see her smiling up at him. He beamed back at her, dimples visible in his cheeks, before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her puffy lips. 

She sighed in content, pulling away from the kiss and resting her head on his shoulder again, nose nuzzling against the soft skin of his neck. He smiled to himself, before picking up his phone from the bedside table, checking his notifications quickly before he opened Instagram, scrolling aimlessly through his reels. He swiped upon a particularly funny minions meme, pushing air out of his nostrils in a half-laugh, before angling his phone down to show her. He looked down to watch her reaction, his favourite thing in the world being to see her laugh - it was automatically a great day for him whenever he was the one to coax a giggle from her - but instead saw she was asleep, lips parted slightly, and eyebrows relaxed. 

He smiled fondly down at her, using the arm she was laying on to rub soothingly up and down her arm. He clicked ‘Save’ on the meme, telling himself to remember to show her later, before he opened Safari, logging into Twitter, or ‘X’ now, - ‘so fucking stupid’ he thought - looking to see what fans had to say about their new show, ‘Still… at their very best.’

©trumanbluee - reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated! but i do not wish for my work to be republished, translated, or copied. thanks!

[futfemfantasies]

The one \\ alanna kennedy x reader

Nothing but pure Alanna fluff with the mention of an injury (no details)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Picking up an ankle injury in your last game was a blessing and a curse. A blessing as the physios, doctors and Jonas allowed you to stay in Manchester for your recovery period with the occasional drop in to the training facility. It also meant you get to spend 5 weeks with your fellow Australian teammate and love of your life, Alanna. As soon as you said the Arsenal team allowed you to stay in Manchester, the blonde was out the door and driving 3 hours to pick you up.

Hobbling around your room to put clothes in a duffle bag took longer than expected. You feel strong arms circle around your waist and soft kisses on peppering your neck. After recovering from you mini heart attack, you turn and hug Alanna tightly. 6 weeks apart is too long. You look up at Alanna's lips and waste no time smashing your lips on her as her hands grip your waist.

"As much as I love doing that my love, let's get you packed so we can go home"

Home.

With your contract is expiring at the end of the season, you've had several teams from various leagues reach out. One club stood out over all the Barcelona's and Gotham FC's. Manchester City. It's a no brainer and since mentioning it to Alanna, she;s been calling Manchester home and London a holiday. A decision has to be made by the end of the month and as you look into Alanna's eyes, you know your decision.

"Go sit your cute butt on the bed while I pack the rest of your bag"

You hobble over to the bed and rest against the headboard as Alanna put pillow under your moon boot. Seeing Alanna dance around your room sparks something in you.

"Lani?"

"Hmm?" Alanna turns to see you pat the small space on the bed next to you. She sits down and you hold her hands.

"I've made up my mind. I'm moving to Manchester baby"

"You're kidding? Baby that's amazing news" Alanna hugs you tightly and kisses all over your face, making you giggle with happiness.

"Let's get you packed so we can go to our home together"

After a few more outfits get packed, Alanna helps you down the stairs and into her car. Zooming down the street, Alanna's hand holds yours and you sigh in content of how perfect this is going to be. Alanna pulls up to the apartment complex carpark and she quickly gets your bags out, before helping you out of the car. She holds your hand through the short elevator ride and then you both arrive at the familiar apartment door.

"Home sweet home baby girl"

3 weeks in to your recovery and you have just finished your stretches and mobility exercises so you decide to watch a romance movie to pass the time until Alanna comes home. Halfway through, Alanna comes home and flops on top of you (mindful of the ankle). She leans up and pucks her lips, silently asking for a kiss. You bend slightly and give her multiple before Alanna cups your cheeks with her big hands and stares at you ever so softly and lovingly.

"You're the one. You're the one I want everything with, good, bad and everything in between"

Your eyes are brimming with tears as you take in what Alanna had just said.

"You're it for me Lani. You're stuck with me for good"

"There's no one else I'd rather be stuck with my girl"

[inthefallofasparrow]

CORRESPONDENCE 1031 – THIRD QUADRANT 6 > NEVADA CENTRAL DISPATCH ~092338 RE: ASSESSMENT REPORT - Officer Yuki de Witt

OFFICER’S NOTES: 3Q6 is one of the more efficient quadrants within the Mining Division. All of Sectors 5 through 9 have consistently run at full or double quota for the last season. CIRCUMSTANTIAL: Successful liaison with 3Q6 Board of Captains (Cpt. SPIEGEL, absent) regarding the sudden death of Unit 23 Cpt. SILTSMEAR from 4Q6. Decision pending. Further info required. INCIDENT REPORT: n/a WORKER MORALE: Moderate

~RESPONSE: Received (211)

DIGGING CORPS - LOG 081/- Hey. I know you’ll never read this, but I guess I don’t need you to. Was only supposed to stay a few days, write up my assessment for Dispatch and then leave, but then one of the captains in a neighboring quadrant fucking died. Nothing nefarious mind you, just dust pneumonia. Certainly, more paperwork than it was worth. Sounds like a lot of weird shit’s been going on over there, so one of the captains went over to assist with the transitional period, and I agreed to stay here at Third Q6 to cover until he could be replaced. That was over a month ago now, and I miss the fucking sun! Never thought I’d say that. Had a few reservations about being stuck underground this long as the only woman for miles in any direction, but so far, apart from the odd leer in the mess hall, I have remained “unharassed”. The worst of it would be one particularly cantankerous geezer called Ira Trask, Foreman of 9C, who insisted on addressing me by my first name until I referred him to the NCD handbook on worksite professionalism, and he relented. I assumed he just wanted to be friendly so I'd help get him promoted, but now I think it was something deeper, more sad and nostalgic. There’s a lock on my door at least, and being exceptionally tall seems to give them second thoughts. But as you’d imagine, height’s not generally an advantage in tight, enclosed spaces with low ceilings. Most shovelmen develop a stooped physique during their time in the corps. Fucked if I’m gonna stay that long.

Yuk

DIGGING CORPS – LOG 94/- Decided if I have to be stuck down here in Satan’s ass crack, twiddling my thumbs, I might as well spend the time processing some individual Worker Profiles. The shovelmen generally alternate between reticent, awkward, sullen or befuddled by the concept of being personally assessed, but if me doing their interview gets them a few minutes to slack off their shifts, they’re happy enough for the distraction. Foreman Trask is displeased by the interruption, but he is welcome to sit on it.

Names seem to be taboo here. I know all the workers’ names of course, because it’s on their file, but that really freaks them out and there’s no point in using them. Share anything of your backstory with your fellow shovelmen, anything that they can tie back to you, and that’s a power they now hold over you. It's like some kind of deep occult shit, but for fucking miners. Everyone gets a new name here, bestowed upon you by your peers. And you only get that so you can tell whose shovel you’re holding.

Met a greenie from Unit 9A named Theodore today. The others call him ‘Mouse’ which he seems to prefer. Whether it’s for his demeanor, his silky brown hair, or, I don’t know, maybe he just likes cheese, he won’t answer to anything else despite having only been here two months. I asked him and a few others what they knew about the late Captain from 4Q6. Common sentiment seems to be that he was mad as a balloon.

Yuk

DIGGING CORPS - LOG 113/- Had a dream about the swing mom never built us. The big tire swing that wasn’t in the apple orchard. I know you don’t remember it, because, well, it never existed, but I feel like I’ve mentioned it before. Anyway, in the dream, I was swinging in the orchard at night time. And the sky was so pitch black, because there weren’t any stars at all. Just a void. Like, the dream was set after the sun had just died, and there was nothing left. Or maybe it wasn’t night. Maybe the orchard was inside a cave. It doesn’t matter. So, the swing was just a regular car tire, but then as I swung higher, I looked down and it was suddenly bigger. Stretching out to the size of a tractor tire. Or something off a monster truck. Then, I swung higher, and the tire grew again, too big for any actual vehicle, and now I could easily fit inside the trough of the tire itself and lie in it like a big hammock. But I couldn’t do that, because the trough was full of apples. Hundreds of these squishy brown apples in various states of decay. And the apples were growing too. Larger and larger, bustling and toppling over each other until they were the size of bowling balls, and then beach balls, and I was sort of half-drowning, half-swimming in these apples. And then I realized. They weren’t growing. I was shrinking. So, I climbed inside of an apple where the pip should be, because I knew deep down that was the logical place to go to die, and then I woke up. I’m pretty sure I know what it means, even if you don’t.

Yuk

DIGGING CORPS – LOG 115/- Random insights gleaned from Unit 9 Review a.k.a. ‘Operation: Peanut Gallery’:

Shovelman ‘Wiles’ - Appears to be the closest thing Sector 9 has to a medic. At least, he says he knows how to saw a man’s leg off without killing him, which is good enough here apparently. I didn’t ask for specifics. There is a constant film of dust covering his glasses, which he seems unaware of.

Shovelman ‘Twoshort’- Tried to convince me it’s common practice for the men to eat handfuls of dirt as a snack, given it’s more nutritious than whatever they were being served in the mess hall. I offered to immediately lodge a formal complaint with Captain Spiegel and the Food Prep team on his behalf, and he backpedaled comically fast, and then tripped on his way out because his foot was asleep.

Shovelman ‘Basher’ – Built like a shuttle truck and functionally deaf after an incident with a stick of dynamite last year. Uses a form of abridged sign language that he and a few others in his unit invented specifically for him. Extremely introverted at first until Wiles came to interpret for me, then he wouldn't shut up.

Shovelman ‘Blessed’ - Recently discovered an injured bat, which he has taken it upon himself to nurse back to health against NCD regulation 58N. He also appears to be deathly allergic to said bat, as his face and hands had swollen incredibly within minutes of handling the thing. A persistent sneezing has overtaken him, but apparently that’s normal and unrelated to the bat. Also allergic to dirt?

Regardless, get me the fuck out of here. Yuk

[alonetimelover]

"I can't stop thinking of you" for Harry maybe?

Also, your writing is really so so great🫶

"I can't stop thinking of you."

pairing: Harry Styles x booktuber!reader

summary: YN and Harry had loved each other for months. The thing was, none of them was brave enough to admit it. So what happened when Harry found the courage and YN made a mistake the night before?

word count: ~1,4k

warnings: mentions of sex (nothing explicit), angst!, heartbreak, and some feels from Harry

a/n: Thank you so much for requesting and your lovely words!

blurb weekend prompts blurb#1

booktuber!reader: part 1 part 2

Well, YN never was good with dealing with her emotions. There were always two options: run from it or make a decision that you’d regret the next day. She tried to take option one all the time, but making mistakes was engraved in her life story (like in anybody else’s). Lately, or should it be said, yesterday, she made a mistake she felt was going to ruin her most valuable relationship - her friendship with Harry. 

“YN, please. Don’t tell me you went home with him,” her best friend screamed into the phone. 

YN looked over her shoulder, gazing at the man sleeping in her bed. The duvet was placed over his lower body, exposing his muscular back painted with black tattoos. His curly hair was splayed across one of her least favourite cushions, creating a brown nest. In a good way. 

“And what if I did?”

“Did you look at him even once last night?!”

She moved out of the bedroom, closing the door after herself, so as to not disturb the sleeping man. 

“Of course I did,” she scoffed. 

“So you know what you did.”

YN sighed into her phone. Of course, she knew what she did.  

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

YN moved around the kitchen taking things out of the cabinets and fridge to make some breakfast. She started her newly bought express, needing some caffeine. If she was going to get through this phone call, she needed as much help as she could get. Well, then she would need to face the man from the bedroom, but it was a task for a ‘future her’. 

“You slept with Harry’s doppelganger!”

Right. In her bed was a sleeping 6 feet tall man with darkish brown hair and tattoos almost all over his body. In the club last night, she couldn’t distinguish more details than those, but she needed something, someone to help her forget him. The appearance closer to someone she was attracted to was just a plus. 

When the lights were illuminating the man's face she knew how ironic it all was. His cheekbones were high and sharp just as his jawline perfectly accented. The dimples deep into his cheeks whenever he was sending her that white smile. And those green eyes. Right there, she deep down knew he wasn’t there to help her forget about Harry. No. He was there to somehow be him, to make her feel as if he could ever be hers.

“They look nothing alike,” YN lied, sipping her coffee, cursing after burning her tongue. “Fuck.”

“You’re either blind or delusional. I don’t know what to tell you.”

“You’re very supportive, babe.”

“I’m not going to support whatever you’re trying to do. It’s a mistake, YN. Trust me.”

“How do you know?” She raised her voice. “Maybe it’s good for me. I slept with him, it was great. And now I can forget about Harry and move on with my life.”

“You can forget about Harry?”

“Easy. Done.” 

YN placed the coffee mug on the counter with a thud, spilling half of it. She really was over the talk. She decided to have sex with that man, and she did. She didn’t regret it and didn’t lie about it being great. The man, Henry (yes, she knew fate was really messing with her) treated her right. She had a very good night. It was all about the consequences. She didn’t want them to become clean. And all the talk she was having was writing those mistakes with black ink on paper. 

“Is it? Is it that easy to forget about the man you’ve been in love with for months?”

There it was, period on paper. 

And before she could answer anything, there was a sound of knocking echoing through her flat. 

“I need to go. Someone’s at the door. Can we please meet up today?”

“Of course. My place at 5. You bring wine, I make dinner.”

“Okay. Love you, bye.”

After hearing the good bye back, YN moved across the room and towards the door. After unlocking it, having made sure that her bathrobe was covering everything it could, she opened the door. 

Fuck you, fate. 

“YN.”

“Ha- Harry. Hi. Uhm, what are you doing here?”

Now, she felt even more exposed. Couldn’t it be her noisy neighbour or the courier with the delivery she had been waiting for for days? 

“Well,” he started slowly, immediately halting in thought for a moment. “I don’t really know. Can I come in?”

“It’s really not the best time.”

Puzzles had been slowly being put together in his brain. After waking up today and seeing YN’s post on instagram he felt part of his heart breaking. He covered his feelings for her deep inside, praying for them to never come up. He put on the role of a best friend and was proud of it. He could never jeopardise that friendship. YN was somebody that he knew his soul was searching for. 

“I just need a few minutes.” 

“Maybe during lunch? At that bistro you’d talked about?”

“YN, please.” 

He knew that if he didn’t say anything right now, he’d never do it. When the courage was still in his veins, he had to use it. Whatever would follow, that would be his fate. 

“I can’t stop thinking of you. You’re in my mind when I wake up, looking up at the ceiling you sprayed with that wine, thinking that I should really paint it. You’re in my mind when I make breakfast, because of that time when we were doing it together and you got the email about your grandad’s shop being sold to you. It always makes me smile, thinking how happy you were at that moment. You’re in my mind when I’m driving down to Chesire, pointing out all the yellow doors you were so infatuated by, when you drove to mum’s with me. You’re in my mind when I fall asleep, remembering how many times I held you in my arms and felt whole. And- and I can’t do any of those without thinking of you. You’re engraved in my mind. In my heart.”

Harry took a deep breath and finally looked at YN. Her eyes were glossy, looking at him with that look he could never distinguish and put in any category. The one thing he admitted to not know about her - that look. 

Through his whole monologue she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She was in his mind. She was something that he couldn’t possibly forget. She was his. And that feeling, that love for him was beaming from her eyes. The look of love. 

“Harry, I-”

“You don’t need to say anything, really.” He started rambling, somehow embarrassed that he had let himself out like that. “You don’t need to say that you feel the same way. I can deal with rejection. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have come.”

“No. Stay,” she said immediately, reaching for his hand. 

She felt the electricity going through Harry’s palm to hers and straight to her heart. She looked into his eyes, searching for any grain of doubt in his feelings, finding none. 

“Harry, I can’t express how long I’ve been waiting to tell you this.” She laughed, not believing that she was going to admit everything. “I lo-”

“YN?” 

Harry’s eyes moved from YN’s, landing at the source of the interruption. His hopeful eyes lost the spark in milliseconds. His smile faded and the grip of his fingers on hers, loosen. He was a fool, believing that she could feel the same. He felt betrayed. Even more when the stranger turned around and locked his eyes with Harry. 

Harry took a step back, diverting his eyes from the man and then back to YN. Puzzles were tossed on the ground and with each second stepped on, losing colour and making the outlines unreadable. 

YN looked over her shoulder, seeing Henry standing near her couch in nothing but his underwear. She wanted to think that ‘it couldn’t be happening right now’, but she knew better. The decisions she had made yesterday and regretted, backfired on her. The decision, which just now, was costing her the friendship she was so protective of. The love she was so afraid to fall into. It all was drifting away. 

“Harry,” YN whispered, trying to find the words to explain the situation. 

“It’s okay.” Words, like venom, were sipping out of his tongue. Even Harry didn’t like the way it sounded or the tone he used. “No need to explain. I think you have someone to get back to. Have a good day, YN.” 

And just like that he was gone. And so were their hopes that it all could have turned out the way they dreamed about. 

Fate really was heartless.

[callofdudes]

Call it your own what if bestie ☺️☺️

An alternate reality where Tommy, Beth and Joseph are still alive. Simon invites y/n back to Manchester to visit them and a huge amount of chaos unfolds between the two

I really really enjoy making this au with you @itsscromp and it's given me a bazillion and one ideas for it. It's kind of funny how in the reboot I imagine Simon and Tommy's complexions switcheroo-d. You've sucked me in, I was listening to Billie while I wrote this periodically.

Summary: When Joseph's birthday comes up, Simon takes leave to head home and spend time with them. With him, comes y/n with nothing better to do, looking to meet the family.

Riley family functions.

Simon didn’t speak about his family much. It was a private matter close to his heart, and after so many rough years he wasn’t ready to share that with the world. He'd been putting things back together with his brother, and for once in his life, things seemed to be working out in his favor.  

Meeting you had changed something in him. When he was changed to 141 his barrier started to deplete just enough that you could wiggle your way into a friendship with the brute. And Simon wasn’t bad. Everyone feared him but the bravado he showed the world wasn’t what those closest to him saw. 

You’d been his friend for a while, and Simon had never mentioned his family. Hell, you didn’t know if he even had a family. Given his whole identity and government shtick you almost assumed not. 

Simon was in his little world, however. His nephew’s birthday was coming up and he’d promised Tommy he’d be there. So, he took his 30 days and before long started to pack. And that’s when you saw him. 

“Where are you going, Lt?” 

He grunted half-heartedly. “Not your business.” He zipped up his suitcase and pondered over what he might get Joseph. The little guy already had toys, and he wasn’t that old. A couple of years? It had been a while admittedly. Maybe he was 6 by now?? 

“Oh, come on. Don’t want to tell your buddy where you’re going??” You walked over and looked over what he was packing. Clothes, snacks? Paperwork?  

“Ghost, where are you going?” 

“Already answered you.” He grunted. You gave him a look as he left his room after packing up. You crossed your arms, and in his mind, Simon heard Beth chiding him for not being open with his friend. He could imagine her saying, “Invite your friend, I’m sure they’d love to hang out with you, and Joseph can get some more social time.” 

“You’re not going to stop bugging me, are you?” 

You considered and then shook your head. “Nuh uh.” 

He rolled his eyes and sighed. “Going back to my family for the month. Nephew’s birthday is coming up. They want me there.” 

“Aw, you have a nephew??” You smiled, already walking faster to keep up with him. “How old is he?” 

Simon shrugged. “Five, maybe six? But that’s givin’ the kid credit.”  

You chuckled softly as you followed along. “So, you like your nephew??” You smirked upon seeing the little glint of warmth in his otherwise unresponsive irises. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” He stopped and turned to you, catching you off guard with your stride. “Let me guess…” 

“I’d love to meet your family; I could use a break.” You smiled. “If that isn’t too forward.” 

He considered this, shifting back and forth from foot to foot. And eventually, he relented. “If your shit isn’t packed by tomorrow don’t bother coming.” 

You smiled wide. “Right away lieutenant.” You winked and headed off. 

A couple days later, Ghost found himself squished on a plane with you. His legs tucked in; his arms folded awkwardly as his elbows pressed into the hard armrest. 

You were curled up similarly, Simon never spent enough money on these dumb flights to get him comfortably from base to Manchester.  

“So, what are they like??” You asked to try and pass the time, turning to him. 

Simon grumbled and shifted again. “They’re fine. Nephew’s a little ball of energy. Can never get that kid to relax. Beth, my brother’s wife is… Strong-willed. If you could put it that way.” 

“Oh?? Strong, is she?” 

He raised his eyebrows. “That’s an understatement. Not mean, but not afraid to call bullshit in her house.” 

You nodded. An awkward moment passed between you, and then you frowned. “What... what about your brother??” 

Simon was quiet throughout the flight. “He’s not bad. Can be an asshole, like every older brother.” 

“Oh, so he’s older?” 

Simon huffed. Seemingly annoyed he got stuck with the role of the younger sibling. Forced to live life vicariously through his brother. 

“Yes…” 

“Well, they sound very nice, it’ll be nice to meet them.” You reassured him. Simon didn’t talk about his family for the rest of the flight until the plane landed. You grabbed your bags from the terminal at the airport and headed to your cab. 

 Manchester was dark and gloomy by this point in the evening. Rain started to flick down on the windows and drip down from the rooftops. 

You looked around, taking in some of the features of gloomy Manchester. The drive was quiet, the sound of the rain and the tires was the only noise between you both.  

Finally, Simon lifted his head upon reaching a pale blue house, light pouring out from the window, soft white curtains fogging up any inside activities. The railing looked somewhat old, wrapped in Christmas lights that hadn’t been taken down yet. 

“Is this it? It looks nice.” You spoke. 

“Yeah, it is.” Simon paid the driver and got out into the rain. The pour got harder as you two flipped the trunk and got your bags.  

“Lovely weather!” You said over the rain, seeing the wet cat look on Simon’s face. “Bloody hell.” He remembered times when Tommy would lock the house after he got home from school so Simon would have to sit out in the pouring rain until their father came home. 

He walked up the wet steps, seeing the lilacs were growing nice. He stood at the door and knocked heavily after a moment of hesitation.  

“Coming!” There was a call from inside, someone rushing to the door. A woman opened the door, looking around the same age as Simon. She smiled upon seeing the younger man, “Simon! Oh, my goodness, come in out of the rain.” Her chest-length hair tied back into a messy bun, a few strands falling into her face. 

“Oh, and your friend, I assume?” 

“Y/n. Yes. A friend.” Simon came in out of the rain, and you followed. Beth led the two of you into the house and instructed Simon where to put his bags for the time.  

“Come in, get comfy. Tea? Coffee?” She turned back to you two with a polite, yet warm smile. 

“Coffee please.” You spoke up, “Thank you.” 

“Of course. Simon, I’m making you a London fog.”  

Simon opened his mouth to speak before waving his hand with a curt dismissal. “Sure, fine. Do whatever the hell you want.” 

You chuckled and sat on the couch. “This is nice.” You looked around once comfortable. The carpet was nice, and they had some decorations up. The house smelled of cinnamon and scented candles were set up in the kitchen. The soft beige color of the walls feels simple but not out of place, making it a warm atmosphere. Toys were scattered around the room where the Christmas tree was in the corner. 

“Why is that bloody thing still up?” Simon grumbled.  

“Maybe they haven’t had time to take it down?” You whispered to him, gently hitting his side. “Ease up.” 

Simon huffed softly and crossed his arms. Beth hummed gently as she made drinks. “Thomas! Simon is here!” She called.  

Simon’s thumb dug into his bicep; arms firmly crossed over his chest. He tried to ease the twist and pound inside his chest.  

“Comin!” A voice called back. 

Tommy wandered down the stairs, a little one clinging onto his pant leg. Tommy looked over at Simon and smiled a little. “Hey, you made it ok?” 

“Hello, we did.” 

Tommy looked toward you. “Oh?”  

“Oh, y/n” You smiled, quickly rushing to introduce yourself. “Thomas. I see you’ve met my less handsome half.” 

“Fuck off.” 

“Don’t use that language around Joseph.” The two tossed words back like a mental game of ping pong. Passing off ideas to see how comfortable they could get invading each other’s space. But that was brothers, already poking each other's buttons as much as they could. 

While they did, you smiled at the small boy clinging onto his dad. He peered over, looking at you. 

You waved softly, but that only prompted him to hide more. 

Beth returned with tea, giving Simon his London Fog, and your coffee. The mugs were warm and decorated with sayings like ‘best mom’ and ‘I wear this expression to work’.  

“Here you are.” 

“Thank you.” You brought your lips to the cup, hovering over the warm drink, blowing over the cup gently. 

Tommy sat in the seat across from you and Simon. “How’s work been?” 

“How do you think?” Simon replied. 

Tommy shrugged. “I dunno. A pain?” He opened his arms when Joseph beckoned to be in his arms, allowing the little guy to climb onto his lap. Tommy gently patted Joseph’s back, “Well, I’m sure Joseph is happy you’re here.” 

You saw Simon’s snippy attitude soften. Joseph looked over at him, nodding in agreement with his dad.  

Simon took a sip of his tea. “Remind me, how old are you Joseph? One?” 

Joseph went shy and shook his head against Tommy’s shoulder. 

“Oh you’re not?? Hm, what about two?” 

“No…” Joseph whispered with a soft smile. 

Simon leaned back, propping up his leg so his ankle rested against his knee. “Ok, tell me if I’m warm?”  

Joseph didn’t say anything, but Simon took it as a yes. “Ten??” 

Joseph giggled a little, shaking his head. 

“What about… Six?” 

Joseph considered this, and Tommy leaned in to whisper, yes, he was turning six. Joseph nodded, looking over at Uncle Simon with a small smile now. Through his small smile, his gap-toothed expression was evident. It warmed your heart at how adorable the little guy was.  

“You’re getting pretty old. Dad’ll start charging you rent soon.” 

“Oh shush.” Beth gently scolded him. 

“Gotta prepare him for when he’ll be pitching in for rent. That’s what we did when we were little-“ 

“What’s the rule about no trauma dumping on the first day?” 

“No trauma dumping on the first day…” He muttered and sipped his tea. 

“Sharp mind.” She teasingly patted his shoulder. She was like the firm older sister Simon didn’t have the dreaded experience with. He suffered enough with a brother, he couldn’t begin to imagine that with a sister. 

He was glad Tommy didn’t find a pushover pill pusher, but she was like a ruler. Bend it too far and it snaps right back to hit you in your face. But she was a lovely woman regardless. She’d been the main middleman for the brother's continued talks, working toward tranquil redemption. 

“Did you two get dinner??” She perked up, looking over at you.  

“Oh, no we didn’t. It’s no problem though-“  

She raised her hand and stood. “I’ve got leftovers from last night I can toss in the oven quick for ya.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Simon didn’t argue this time. 

While she did that you three talked together. Tommy asked you about how you enjoyed and dealt with working with Simon. The playful banter between the brothers made you chuckle in between serious conversations. Cheap quips and snide teasing. 

Beth brought you two trays of cabbage rolls, and oh my goodness they were heavenly. The best cabbage rolls you’d had in your entire life.  

“Oh, Beth,” You hummed, eagerly digging into more. Beth smiled proudly. 

“Told her once, she should go on Master Chef.” Tommy said to Simon. 

“You kiddin’? She’d make Ramsey cry.” 

The two snickered, you and Simon finishing the last of the leftovers. The pace of the evening continued on. 

Soon it was Joseph’s bedtime, and Beth went to tuck him in. Not before rushing for a quick hug from Uncle Simon, who squeezed him gently. “Go on, get some sleep, bubs.” 

“Ok…”  

He rushed to Mom, who picked him up and carried him to bed. You were the next to go, yawning and slumping into the comfy couch. “I think he’s onto something.”  

“Tired too, huh?” Tommy nodded. “Well, you two had a long flight here. Best let you get some rest. The spare room is open, we’ve got an air mattress we can set up? Unless one of you wants the pull-out couch.” 

“I can take the couch.” Simon muttered. 

You wanted to fight it, but if Simon wasn’t comfortable sharing a space with you, you wouldn’t push.  

Tommy nodded and got up. “Come on then, I’ll show you the spare room.” 

You followed Tommy closely and made it to the bedroom. A queen bed with comfy blankets and a nightlight on the side desk.  

“Thank you, for the hospitality.” 

Tommy nodded. “Look, he may be an asshole. But any friend of Simon’s is a friend of ours… For the most part.” 

You chuckled softly. “Goodnight Simon!” You called back, hearing him grunt in indignation.  

Simon slept on the pull-out couch. Slept is a very loose term. It was sleep, and then periodically waking up when the house settled or just to do a once over of the shadowy, dark living room.  

He survived the night in the house, around 6 he heard shuffling upstairs. 

Beth opened one eye slowly, barely aware Tommy was leaving bed. “Thomas…” She reached out and grabbed his hand gently.  

Tommy looked down at her, gently squeezing her hand. “I’m going to shower, not leaving yet.” 

“I’ll make you breakfast…” 

He gently shook his head, leaned down, and kissed her tenderly. “I’ll pick something up.” She hummed, resigning and shifting back asleep. Tommy grabbed his work clothes and went to have his shower. After which he cuddled her some more before heading downstairs.  

Simon skulked over the counter, a cup of tea in hand. Tommy brushed his hair back, jumping slightly when he saw Simon. “Fuckin’ hell… Ugly mug in the mornin'" He muttered. 

“You’re one to talk.”  

“Skeleton lookin’ ass.”  

“Suck up.” 

“At least I have a wife.” Tommy grumbled.  

“You can keep her.” 

“I planned on it.” 

The two nodded firmly. Tommy grabbed his work jacket and started to put on his boots. He grabbed his keys and went for the door, then sighed softly.  

“Simon?” 

Simon looked up from his cup. “Wot?” 

“I’m… Glad you came to stay.” 

Simon looked down again. He didn’t say anything, leaving Tommy in an awkward silence. “Alright…” Tommy inhaled deeply and stepped out the door. 

When the door closed again, Simon’s shoulders dropped, and he continued to sip his tea.  

He felt heavy at the table, letting the warm drink wash over his muscles, soothing each overactive muscle. 

You were the next person up. After dressing you wandered out to the living room, spotting Simon clanking around as quietly as possible in the kitchen. 

“Looking for food?” 

“Forgot where Beth keeps her instant meals…” 

You raised an eyebrow as he continued to roam around the cupboards and cabinets. You looked at the fridge and wandered over, inside were five or more stacked meal preps she’d done. “Had you checked in here?”  

He perked up and looked at the fridge. A pause. “I was going there next.” 

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m sure.” You pulled out the one labeled Tuna Salad and popped open the lid.  

Simon took his meds in the meantime, and you served each a bowl. “She’ll be ok with this?” 

Simon shrugged. “She usually doesn’t give a shit what I eat.”  

You both sat at the table and ate in peaceful silence until Beth joined you. “Oh, Tuna Salad? That does sound good.” She went to the container, seeing there was still enough for her, Joseph, and Tommy when he got home. 

She joined you at the table.  

“Where’s Tommy?” 

“He’s at work. But, he’ll be off early for Joseph’s birthday tomorrow.” 

“That’s nice.” 

Not long after, the little guy scuttled down the stairs and rushed over to Mum. “Mama…” He gently tugged her shirt.  

“Hey baby.” And smiled at him. 

“Where’s dad…?” 

“Work baby, he’ll be home later. You hungry?” 

He nodded, so she got up and served him a bowl of Tuna Salad. He poked at it, sticking his finger in the tuna and eating from his palm. 

You chuckled softly, and Joseph’s gaze was on you. You looked down at your food, letting Joseph eat. 

Beth gave him a soft look. “Did you tell Uncle Simon we got your electric train working?” 

Joseph momentarily stopped mashing the food and looked up.  

Simon took a sip of his tea. “You get it working?” 

“Dad,” He made motions with his tuna and lettuce-covered hands. “Fixed it.” 

“You gotta show me then. It looked pretty cool in the video.” That made Joseph smile. His toothy little smile, those two front teeth missing, giving him an adorable smile. 

He rushed from the table, making Beth chuckle. He wiped his hands on his pajama pants, that she wasn’t too happy to see. He went to the living room and scrambled to get the electric train from under the tree.  

Simon moved from the kitchen to the living room, squatting down while his nephew set up the tracks. They are all connected and could be rearranged to make different paths. The bottom of the connecting train’s rail piece was a small button.  

Joseph pressed it, and the train started up. His smile remained bright, proud of his cool train. 

Simon whistled softly, “Well look at that.”  

Joseph pushed the button again and the train sped up a knot. Simon watched the train go in its circle, pistons trekking quickly over each wheel to keep it moving. 

“What if we made it go underneath?” 

“What?” 

Simon looked around for visual representation and spotted a stack of Beth’s books. “Sorry.” He said half-heartedly and stacked them, putting one of the tracks across the staircase leveled books. “You think we could build it to go up?” 

Joseph’s eyes lit up like saucers, nodding wildly. He scooted closer and Simon helped him build an extravagant track for his train.  

You smiled, watching the inner child of such a harsh man shine through. “Is he always like this here?” 

Beth hummed softly. "Eventually. Sometimes it takes him a bit. But that's Uncle Simon." 

It was warm and lively. You joined them halfway through to see their progress. "Ooh, looks good."  

"Thanks for the approval, Egg." 

A heartbeat or two later you both heard explosive giggles. Simon smiled softly and looked at Joseph who laughed.  

"What's so funny?" Your smile softened too. 

Joseph's cheeks went red, hiccing and giggling. "Egg!" 

The two of you chuckled too. "Yes, that's Egg." 

"Cracks people up." You grinned. Simon said, "Oh, that was good." 

"Right? I'm so quick with it." 

Joseph was laughing in tears but managed to recover.

"I coined it for them."  

"Thanks for that." Said sarcastically. “But the call signs aren’t technically supposed to be cool, and I don’t think I have the worst call sign on base.” 

"You're welcome." Simon replied, taking all credit. 

Your visit with the Riley family was fun. For Simon’s family, you didn’t expect them to be as lively as they were. Beth was Tommy a pair of incredible parents. 

“Dada.” Joseph pointed out the window to a truck driving along the neighborhood, beckoning his father over. Tommy came over, kneeled beside Joseph, and watched the garbage truck go by. "Look at that, hey?" He smiled a little, admiring his son's happy expression. And they sat there watching the garbage men go down the street.

-

He'd sit with Mama Beth at the table as she cut his toasties for him. Pecking a soft kiss on his hair and helping him with anything he needed.

-

Joseph would sit on his dad's lap, cuddling with him and his stuffie as they watched Tommy's favorite cowboy movies or YouTube videos on cool machinery. Joseph loved it, and would usually fall asleep if it was late. His dad went upstairs and tucked him into bed.

-

Uncle Simon would continue to play with him and take Joseph out for adventures. Telling him his awful jokes and the PG version of his missions. Joseph saw him as the ultimate hero, aside from his parents.

-

Tommy was always there to have the occasional casual conversation, hated talking about his work. Beth would let you invade her kitchen and would not hesitate to put you in place if you got rowdy.

Whenever Simon and Tommy started to act like brothers do. The classic pranks like pink hair dye in the shampoo, laxatives in tea, and tearing off the moustache with duct tape, she's the one to end it. And they never fight Beth.

You were there to witness Simon and Tommy coming in after a game of football covered in mud. And the horror in her face when she was told they might have gotten tangled up in the plants... You've never seen Simon submit so easily. His sister-in-law is scary ok!?

But she was chill with you. You're her new favorite.

And then came Joseph's birthday. The brothers were rowdy. Of course they let the little guy sleep in, his birthday being on a Sunday.

Beth and Tommy got up to make Sunday breakfast and the rest of you periodically got up.

"Ew, Beth, what is that?" *Simon scrunched his nose.

She looked over at him before frowning. "My husband you dumbfuck."

Simon raised his eyebrows briefly. "Shoulda seen that coming..."

Tommy snickered, leaning over to give Beth a kiss while washing the strawberries. "That's my love." Beth smiled a little, nudging him back and stealing another kiss.

"Ok, ok we get it, you're in love." Simon said, his tone in a sarcastic drawl. "Ugh... Get a room."

"Yeah, you wish we would." Tommy gave Beth a light snack on the butt.

"Oi! Behave- both of you." Beth went slightly pink, shaking her head and reprimanding the two back into their place. The brothers continuing to mime mocking words at each other. Simon stuck out his tongue, Tommy flipped the middle finger.

Geez, it was like watching two middle school kids argue over the sandbox.

"Well, everyone seems lively today." You looked at Simon, nudging him to stop sticking out his tongue at his brother.

"Huh?" One Simon who had been very caught up in his young sibling antics. "Yes, yes very."

You chuckled and shook your head softly. Oh boy, you know he didn't hear a word you said.

And then the little guy came waddling in. "Mama...??" *He rubbed his tired eyes, going over to her and grabbing onto her side, hugging it.

"Good morning, baby. You sleep ok?" *She reached out, gently ruffling his soft hair.

"Mhm..."

"You ready for your birthday breakfast?" She asked, combing through his hair. "Mhm." *He replied.

Tommy and Beth got the table set and brought food over, serving Joseph up a plate of pancakes and whipped cream on top. Joseph muttered out a quick thank you before eagerly digging in. Consuming it like a black hole.

Simon smirked as Joseph inhaled his pancakes.

"Wow." You whispered.

"He inherited my appetite. It skips a generation." Simon replied with a smirk.

"Oh, does it now? Are Joseph's grandchildren going to get it?"

"Very likely. It's horrible."

"I feel so bad for them." You chuckled, smiling softly and grabbing a serving.

It was odd seeing Simon like this, but it was rather endearing as well. Simon was always this big strong man, and he still was, absolutely. But something about getting to see him domestic hot differently. Seeing how he got up with his brother, how gentle he was with his nephew, and the snarky little shit with his sister-in-law. You smiled as you watched them, saw how they interacted.

Joseph seemed equally as happy to have his family all in one place. And then Tommy brought a couple boxes to the table. "Ok bud, all yours."

Joseph looked at the boxes, eyeing them with stars in his pupils. He bounced in his chair and picked the top one up, early tearing into it to see what it was. He shrieked, his smile going wide. "Batman!?"

"Yep." Simon smiled proudly, watching Joseph pick up the Batman costume he'd ordered online. He was lucky it had reached their house in time.

"That's from uncle Simon." Beth said.

"Thank you!" He squirmed from his seat, eagerly to wrap his arms around his uncle. Simon gave Joseph a little assuring squeeze. "Any time, bubs."

Tommy pushed a present closer, and Joseph smiled at his parents. This was from them. He could feel it. So he broke it open, and looked inside, smiling warmly. A remote control car.

"You've done well with the train, so we figure it can't hurt to let you go 4-wheel drive."

Joseph smiled, waddled to hug both mum and dad. And they hugged him, of course.

And you felt like you couldn't come to their house without getting their son a gift.

So you slid it across the table, smiling at Joseph, who perked up and looked at it. Ooo.

He picked up the gift shyly. "Thank you..."

He looked it over before opening it up. He smiled, looking down at the bag of gummy worms.

"it's... Not much, but your uncle likes them, and I trusted his word that you did too."

Joseph took the bag, and looked at you, giving you a big, happy smile. "Thank you!"

It warmed your heart in a way you couldn't describe. There was nothing better than spending all the time with family. And Simon's family seemed wonderful.

(I wanted to explore with the family more, not sure if I did them heaps of justice but this project took a bit to come to me and I couldn't cram all my thoughts on the Riley's coherently into this without frying. But I want more for these three, I promise.)

[tojiscrack]

sneak peak, 'liar, liar' chap.6 : junior year

liar, liar masterlist here:

he flinched when your voice rose once more:

"you're taking ap math?" you demanded, only just realising that he had one extra lesson than you, yuji and nobara. it was at the very top of the table, labelled 'period 0'.

"don't give him an opportunity to act more pompous than he already is," scoffed nobara, looking uninterested. you did not comment on how she still peeked over the sheet when she thought you weren't looking.

"wow," yuji began, looking pleasantly in awe at megumi's hefty schedule. he leaned back in his seat, careful not to pull himself too far back in the event that he might fall off. you secretly wished that he did, if only to stifle your current shock. "so you'll start the day earlier... won't you be exhausted when we get to football practice?"

that was a good question. since coach yaga had stubbornly given both megumi and yuji spots on the school's football team, it had since been announced that practice would take place every day after school unless otherwise mentioned. with megumi's mornings starting earlier than the rest of you, and his days finishing later, he was bound to be torn down with tiredness. although he acted like a robot all the time (eat, sleep, make a rude comment about you, repeat) he was still a human who needed rest. more school meant more social interaction. more social interaction meant a drained megumi. things would only go south from there.

he shrugged at the question.

"i'll be fine," he answered, unbothered.

you disagreed. "you'll die —"

"— revive me with your mermaid abilities then —"

you hoped you pinched him hard enough to bruise. 

"wait," you said, halting your attack on him with a slow frown. he took the opportunity to rip your hands off his ribs and shuffled away from you. you ignored him, sliding down to sit hip-to-hip with him. "if you do ap math in the morning, we can't walk to school together."

for the third time that day, megumi snatched back his timetable from you.

"good luck," he said. "you cross the road like you have nine lives."

"you basically just told her that you wouldn't care if she died," yuji intervened, quick to jump to your defence despite the many times you would argue with him too. 

"this is what happens when you hype him up," said nobara, pointing at him with enough aggression, any outsider would probably assume that he'd committed blasphemy — you liked to think he had. 

"i'm surrounded by idiots," you thought you heard him mutter. 

liar, liar masterlist here:

notes: guys, this is the chapter AFTER the (unreleased) chapter 5. thought i'd feed it to you 'cause i don't have a sneak peak prepared for chapter 5 itself, and this was sitting in my drafts, unattended. and cuz it's been over a month since the last update (and will take another month to actually complete and release a new chapter) i thought i'd give you guys SOMETHING rather than nothing :)

[brewsterispunkk]

THE TUTOR

part 2/4

pairing: eddie munson x afab!reader (period is mentioned), eddie munson x fem!reader

WC: 4.1k

summary: reader and eddie begin their little deal.

warnings: idiots. just idiots. also brief SA-- nothing explicit, just groping--NOT main pairing, recreational drug use

A/N: here is part 2! hope u love it! pls pls pls leave feedback ;) read it and weep.

Senior Year Bucket List

1) Get drunk

2) Skip Class

3) Do a drug

4) Sneak out

5) Skinny dip

6) Get a boyfriend, lose my virginity

You sighed and shook your head as soon as you’d written that last part, hands only half-shaking.

This was fine, you thought to yourself. 

It wasn’t weird, you kept telling yourself. It wasn’t. Eddie himself had asked you to come to school Monday with an itemized list of what exactly you’d felt like you’d missed out on. “A bucket list of sorts” he called it. 

You had to keep yourself from adding “feeling safe” to the list of things you’d felt you’d missed out on.

That was difficult for you sometimes. 

For the most part, you’d been able to compartmentalize what had happened to you last summer: the deaths, the torture, the “mall fire.” The rest of Hawkins knew that you’d survived it, along with Steve, Robin, and the kids. You’d gotten away with minor bruising to the face and neck after a Russian tried to choke you in an effort to get you to talk. It wasn’t ideal, but it could have been worse. Steve had been the one to take the brunt of the torture. You and Robin had screamed yourselves hoarse while they beat him in the other room. 

You sometimes still had nightmares about the sick sound of their fists hitting his face.

When you’d emerged as one of the survivors of what they were calling the “Starcourt Mall Fire,” your mother had been relieved. After your father had split when you were ten, you were all she had. Still, she hadn’t been prepared for the effects of what had happened to you. To be fair, neither were you. Neither were any of you. 

You’d always been shy, ever since you were a kid, but now instead of having a generally quiet disposition, you were skittish. The slightest noise made you jump, and you couldn’t stand to listen to Reagan talk about the U.S.S.R. on the news without having a panic attack. The nightmares had subsided after about two months, though they returned whenever you were stressed. 

You found you always looked over your shoulder, always looking out for some unknown thing that might be stalking you. When people talk about saving the world, they never talk about the ugly parts. About the broken fingernails and the insomnia and the muffling of sobs behind your hand as you break down in the girls’ bathroom. 

It’s a lonely thing, being a hero. An unfair thing. You felt like that night at Starcourt, when Hopper and Billy Hargrove hadn’t emerged from the fire, your adolescence had been stolen from you. That it had disappeared with the smoke and ash as it engulfed Scoops Ahoy and the rest of the shopping center. You hope that if Eddie actually does follow through with this little deal of yours, you’ll be able to experience at least a little of it. 

- - - -

“So,” Eddie drummed his hands on the top of your desk as he slid into the seat in front of you. “What do you have for me, miss tutor girl?”

He was awfully chipper for 7:00 in the morning. You blinked at him and skated your gaze across the room. 

It was close enough to first period for the room to be reasonably filled with students, most too sluggish to notice. But a few girls towards the front looked over their shoulders at him, eyes narrowed, before zooming in on you, where they widened curiously. 

“What, scared for your reputation?” Eddie was only half-joking, his eyes a little guarded. They narrowed at you. 

You shook your head almost comically. 

“No,” you burst. “No, not at all. Just had a weird night.”

“Hm,” he looked at you skeptically. You rolled your eyes.

“We’ve already talked about this, Eddie. I don’t have a reputation for you to ruin.”

He snorted at that.

“Alright then,” he leaned forward, his chin on his fists. “What’s got you so skittish, then? Another crazy party like Friday?”

“No,” you sighed, leaning down to retrieve your list from your backpack. “Just couldn’t sleep.”

 “Okay.” He looked like he didn’t believe you. You didn’t blame him; you couldn’t have been that convincing. You couldn’t bring yourself to care.  

“Did you bring it?” He asked. 

You nodded, slamming the sheet of notebook paper onto the desk and slid it over to him. 

“Here you go,” you pulled at your sleeve nervously. “Just don’t laugh, okay?”

Eddie looked at you and feigned shock. 

“Me? Laugh at you? I’m offended.”

“Eddie, I’m serious,” you felt your cheeks flush and your stomach plummet. “I’m just–It’s embarrassing. I’m being very… vulnerable and if you’re gonna laugh, we can just forget about it—”

“Hey, hey, hey,” his warm hands covered yours where they were sitting on the desk. He squeezed your palms reassuringly.  “I was kidding. I won’t laugh. Scout’s honor.”

You looked into his eyes for a moment to see if he was serious. All you saw was sincerity. You let out a deep breath. 

“You were a boy scout?” 

His lips spread in a wry smile as he turned to the paper. 

“Nope,” he unfolded the list. “It’s the thought that counts, though, right?”

You shrugged. 

“I guess?”

“Okay, what do we have here?” 

You sat in awkward silence as Eddie scanned the page, dark eyes focused. Hie brows were furrowed and his lips pouted in concentration. 

“‘Get drunk,’ we can certainly make that happen. ‘Skip a class,’ you won’t need to ask me twice.” He stopped for a moment and huffed a laugh. 

You felt your cheeks heat up. 

“What–”

“‘Do a drug.’” He said with a secret smile–like he knew something you didn’t. 

“Yeah,” you drew out. “I figured you’d know a guy.”

“Oh,” Eddie laughed. “I know a guy.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he smiled at you, before turning his eyes back to the page. “Ohh.”

Eddie’s eyes sparkled as he turned them back to you. He looked like a sprite, you thought. With his wild hair and mischievous smile. He was gorgeous. 

“‘Get a boyfriend,’” he set the list down on the table. “Am I going to be playing match-maker, teacher’s pet?”

You rolled your eyes. He was teasing you. 

“If that’s what it takes,” you quipped, your nervousness having melted away. “And I am not a teacher’s pet.”

“Whatever you say,” he raised an eyebrow at you. 

As you opened your mouth to respond, the clearing of a throat interrupted you. 

You looked up to see Cameron Reyes leering over Eddie. 

“Hey. You’re in my seat,” he sneered. “Beat it.”

Eddie sighed, before slinking out of the seat slowly, taking his time. 

“My apologies,” he smiled at Cameron, before dropping into his own seat, next to you. 

You glared at the back of Cameron’s head. 

Why did he have to be such an asshole?

Cameron was on the swim team and you’d had classes with him since Kindergarten. He hadn’t always been a dick; In fourth grade when you’d skinned your knee, he’d helped you up and walked you to the nurse’s office. It wasn’t until high school, when he’d begun running with guys like Tommy Hagan, that he’d changed. Now, you couldn’t stand him. 

That was the way of things, though, in Hawkins. There were the bullies and the bullied—rarely anything in between.

- - - -

As you walked down the halls, you felt their eyes on your legs and you regretted letting Robin convince you to wear this skirt. 

The denim felt heavy on your hips. You wiped your clammy hands on the blue material, wishing that you didn’t have to walk practically across school to get to pre-calc. 

“Looking good,” someone whistled from behind you. You felt dread seep down your spine. 

Please no, not here. 

This wasn’t the first time you’d been catcalled. 

The first time was when you and Robin were thirteen and walking to the general store down the road from your houses. A few men in a pick-up truck had rolled their windows down and told you in great detail all they’d liked to do to you. You and Robin hid inside the general store until the clerk called your mom to pick you up. You hadn’t even gotten your first period yet. 

However, this was the first time you’d been catcalled at school. It still felt just as scary as the first time. 

“Where have you been hiding those legs, teacher’s pet?” 

You whipped around at the nickname, bristling at it. You hated when people called you that, unless that person was Eddie. 

You were faced with a basketball player; one of the guys who hung out with Jason Carver and sometimes Lucas. Thomas Reed. Your skin crawled at the way he and the two boys behind him looked at you. 

“Fuck off,” you spat at him before turning on your heel and walking faster to your destination. 

“Aw, come on, don’t be like that!” He called after you, but you could barely hear him over the blood rushing in your ears. 

It only calmed when you’d reached your classroom.

- - - -

“Are you even listening to me?” You smacked his hand where it was tapping on the wood of the library table. Outside, a heavy autumn rain pummeled the sidewalk, the trees swaying with it. 

“Yes,” Eddie rolled his eyes. 

“What did I just say?”

“That…Holden is a whiny little bitch.”

You sighed, bringing a hand to your forehead. 

“No.” You ground out. “And if you write that in your essay, Ms. Taylor is going to fail you and me, so please, can you take this seriously?”

He sighed and had the nerve to look a little guilty. It made your heart clench a bit. 

In the few sessions you’d tutoring Eddie, your crush had done anything but lessened. In fact, it had grown tenfold. It was one thing to admire him from across the room, it was another completely to spend time with him and actually be able to talk to him. 

You found that in addition to being cute and pensive, he was kind and not at all the scary loner that everyone painted him to be. If he hadn’t cemented his reputation by being an avid player of D&D, he would’ve been popular, you thought. 

And all this goes to day: you couldn’t stay mad at him, even when you wanted to.

“Okay,” he said, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. You briefly reminded yourself to offer to cut them for him later—he’d been complaining about them getting in his face all session. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“What?” Your attention snapped back to him. Eddie looked at you like you’d grown another head. 

“Uhh, I asked what you were saying?”

“Oh! Oh yeah,” you shook your head. “I zoned out.”

“I gathered that.” Eddie snorted, leaning forward. “Uh, off-topic, but I was wondering, when do you wanna get started on that bucket list?”

“Oh. Whenever.”

“I was thinking we could start this week.”

“So soon?” You practically squeaked. As excited you were about these new experiences, you were nervous. Especially because the person you’d be experiencing them with was Eddie. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself. 

“No time like the present,” Eddie’s voice was chipper. “So, what did you wanna start with?”

“I thought we’d start small and work up to something bigger?” You asked.

“That sounds good,” Eddie nodded. “How does skipping class work for this week?”

“Ugh, not well actually.” You sighed, sour. “We have that exam this week in Taylor’s and then for Chem I have—”

“Relax, we don’t have to start with that one. Hmm, what else…”

“We could always—”

You cut yourself off, thinking better of it, but Eddie caught you. 

“Nevermind.”

“No, what is it?”

You looked at him skeptically. 

“If you wanna do something, you gotta tell me. It’s your bucket list, tutor-girl, not mine.”

“What if we…did a drug?”

God, you sounded like such a teacher’s pet saying it.

“Okay, teacher’s pet.” Eddie’s face was gleeful, excited. “You’re full of surprises. We can do that, definitely.”

“Okay,” you let out a breath. 

“Any reason why you jumped to that one?”

“I just– I’m so stressed.” Thomas Reed’s lustful gaze flashed in your mind and you shook it off. 

“You okay?” Eddie grabbed your hand on the table. You swallowed. 

“Yeah,” you said lamely, mouth dry. “Just–a lot going on. School.”

“School,” Eddie repeated like he didn’t believe you. His eyes held yours for a moment before he nodded. “Okay teacher’s pet. Drugs it is. Any preference?”

“Nothing too crazy. Just something to take the edge off?”

“I can do that,” he smiled. “This is gonna be fun.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just think you’ll be funny high.”

“We’ll see,” you narrowed your eyes at him. He just smiled at you for a moment. Your eyes held his and you had the sudden urge to reach over the table and kiss him. You coughed, turning back to your notes in front of you. 

“Anyway, what do you think Salinger’s trying to say?”

“Other than the fact that Holden is annoying?”

“Eddie, I’m serious—”

“I am too!” Eddie insisted. “All this shit about ‘phonies,’ when he’s just like them–”

“You know, I thought you’d relate to Holden.” You smirked at him.

“What?”

“Well, he’s an outcast—all teenage angst and—”

“I’m twenty, thank you.” He snapped at you, causing you to stutter. 

“Oh, no I didn’t mean outcast like—”

“No, it’s okay,” Eddie chuckled, waving you off. “It’s true. And I like it that way.”

You eyed him skeptically. 

“Really, I do.” He folded his arms over his chest. “There are too many assholes in this school. If I wanted to fit in, I’d have to act like them. At least a little bit. Besides, I’ve got people. Not much, but I’ve got’em.”

You hummed. 

“I’ve never thought of that.”

“What, Holden being a bitch, because—”

You smacked his arm, laughing. 

“Okay, okay, sorry,” Eddie giggled. He giggled. Your heart leapt. “What, though? What did I say that was so profound?”

He was being sarcastic, you could tell, but you didn’t care. 

“The whole—having to sacrifice part of yourself to fit in. It’s true. I’d never thought of it like that.”

He hummed, eyes holding yours a moment, before his grin broke the moment. 

“Maybe I should be the one tutoring, huh?”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. 

“Turn to page 225.”

- - - -

Thomas found you again the next day, this time before school as you were at your locker. 

“Hey there,” he smiled, sliding up next to you, effectively boxing you in between him and the locker. You jumped, moving as close to the locker as you could. “How are you today?”

“Leave me alone,” you ground out, trying to slip past him, but his hand in a hard grip on your arm stopped you. 

“Aw, but we could have so much fun, teacher’s pet.”

“Let me go—”

“Where’s your little skirt?” he asked, grip tightening on your arm as you scrambled to get away. 

You silently cursed whoever in the administration office had placed your locker on one of the most abandoned hallways in the school. 

“Your legs looked so good—”

His palm came to squeeze the meat of your ass and your stomach churned. Without thinking, you spat in his face, palm coming to connect with his cheek. 

“You cunt—”

“The hell is going on here?” 

Eddie walked briskly up to you as you stepped back from Thomas. He moved to stand between you two, face hard. It was the mask he put on every day in front of the rest of the school, the ones who thought he was mean and scary. Only now, you weren’t sure how much of it was a mask. 

“Nothing, man.” Thomas waved him off, wiping his face. He glared at you in a way that made your feet stick to the spot. 

“It doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I said it's nothing.”

“And I said—”

“It’s fine,” you mumbled. 

“Hey wait—”

Eddie moved to grab Thomas as he walked away from the two of you. 

“I said it’s fine,” you said louder this time, and reached out to grab Eddie’s shoulder and pull him back toward you. 

“Bullshit!” He spun and turned toward you, clearly pissed off. “What the hell was that?”

“I said it was fine, Eddie!” You burst at him, voice cracking. You took a deep breath. 

“Honey, are you—” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you interrupted Eddie’s suddenly soft voice. You wiped a stray but of moisture from under your eyelid. “Let’s just go to class.”

“But–”

“Eddie, drop it,” you all but snapped, before adding lamely, “please.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. “Lead the way. Taylor’s gonna be pissed if I’m late again.”

You could practically hear him simmering as he walked a half-step behind you to class, but you didn’t care to acknowledge it. You’d made it abundantly clear you didn’t want to talk about it. If he pushed you, you might just snap. 

As the two of you made your way down the halls, you felt eyes following you. They were all wondering: what was the quiet nerd doing with the freak? You didn’t care to acknowledge that either. 

Let them wonder, you thought. I’m done caring about their rumor mill.

- - - -

“Jesus, Eddie.” You gasped and looked around. 

There was no one in the janitor’s closet with you, but still: with that much weed on him, Eddie would be expelled and arrested. You had no idea how he’d gotten it in the two days since your conversation. 

“What?” He asked, out of breath. He’d pulled you in here between third and fourth period, scarring you half to death in the process. “I told you I’d get the stuff.”

“Yeah, but I didn't know you meant so much,” you scoffed. Now, looking down at the green, wooly buds you were going to smoke, you felt your stomach flood with anxiety. You weren’t so sure about it anymore. “Where did you even get it?”

“I know a guy.”

“Fine, don’t tell me,” you rolled your eyes frustratedly. “What did you drag me here for, anyway?”

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, looking genuinely confused at your hostile tone. 

“To…let you know I got the stuff.” He drawled, before narrowing his eyes at you. “You okay, sweetheart? You look like you’re gonna be sick.”

Your stomach was churning. Between the stuff with Thomas that morning and now this, it was too much. 

You pressed a hand to your abdomen as the faint smell of weed permeated from the open baggie between Eddie’s fingers.

God, he had pretty fingers, you thought somewhere in the back of your mind. It was something you'd revisit when you weren’t about to have a panic attack.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Eddie rushed toward you as you doubled over, hands on your knees, trying to catch your breath and calm the nausea. His hands found your shoulders, and another wave of the sharp smell of marijuana made you retreat further into your mind. 

All of a sudden, you weren’t there; you were back at Starcourt with Billy Hargrove’s hands around your neck, the smell of the weed he’d smoked earlier still on his clothes. 

Your breathing shallowed and you gasped, trying to breathe, but in vain. 

“Hey, hey, breathe for me,” you faintly heard Eddie over your own heartbeat. “You gotta breathe, honey. C’mon, breathe for me. Deep breaths, like this.”

He pressed your palm to his chest as he inhaled deeply.

You looked up at him, at his wide, panicked eyes and did as he said, slowly inhaling a shaky breath. 

“That’s it,” he took another deep breath, eyes not leaving yours. “Just like that. Okay. Another one, now.”

You took a deep breath, much easier this time, eyes never leaving his.

- - - -

“So…” Eddie began, eyes finally meeting yours. “You wanna tell me what the hell that was?”

You sighed, tilting your head back to lean against the wall where you were sitting. You looked up at the fluorescents in the janitor’s closet. 

“That was a panic attack, Eddie,” you said monotonously.

“Don’t be a smart ass. What happened?”

You sighed again. 

It had taken five minutes for Eddie to talk you down from your… episode. After, he’d let you catch your breath. You’d thought that you’d be able to just go about your day from there. You were stupid to think he’d let this go. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Jesus, sweetheart, I don't care about that. I just wanna know what the hell caused it. Did I–”

“No,” you said immediately. “You didn’t—”

“Did it have something to do with this morning?” Eddie’s voice was low, and as serious as you’d ever heard it. 

You remained quiet, eyes trained on the light above you. Eddie took that as confirmation. His eyes flashed dangerously as you finally looked at him. 

“I’ll kill him.”

Eddie moved to his feet with purpose, moving to open the closet door. 

“No!” you grabbed his ankle, scrambling. “No, Eddie. It’s not worth it.”

“Bullshit, it’s not worth it—”

“Please, let’s just get out of here. Let’s go smoke. We’ve practically missed all of fourth period anyway.”

“Honey, he can’t just–”

“I know, Eddie,” you stood up level with him. “But right now, I really wanna leave, and that’s more important than whatever revenge plot you have.”

He looked at the door obstinately for another moment before turning back to you. 

“Fine.” he said, not fully convinced. 

“Thank you,” you took a calming breath. “Good. Besides, it’ll be like killing two birds with one stone, right? Two items off the bucket list at once.”

- - - -

Eddie’s car was smoky; a hotbox is what he called it. 

As you took a long drag of the joint he passed to you, the deep, leafy aroma filled your lungs. As you breathed out, all worries or stress you had about school or Thomas or even the Upside Down diminished to an afterthought. 

So this is why people smoke, you thought to yourself, giggling a little bit. 

“What is it?” Eddie turned his head to you, unruly curls brushing your cheek. 

The two of you were sprawled out on the floor of his van, shoulder to shoulder and head to head, about twenty minutes into the session. You’d learned this so far: that Eddie smelled good, like cigarettes and cologne and something musky, and that his eyes got even more glassy when he smoked. All that to say: you wanted to kiss him. Bad. 

You passed him the joint, your fingers brushing his in the process.

“It’s just that I finally get why people do this so much,” you laughed. 

“It’s been twenty minutes,” Eddie laughed with you. 

“And I feel better already!”

Eddie went quiet, taking two puffs from the joint. You turned to look at him, eyes immediately darting to his lips. He was looking pensively at the corner of the van. 

“Not fair,” you grabbed the joint from him. “Don’t hog.”

“I get them too, you know.” He said all of a sudden, somber. 

You stopped, looking at him still. Eddie turned his head to face you, nose only an inch from yours. 

“Not so much anymore, but when I was younger. When I first came to live with Wayne.”

“Wayne?”

“My uncle,” he swallowed, turning his head away from yours. “I live with him. Have since I was twelve. My dad, he was… not a great guy.”

You were quiet for a moment, passing the joint back to him. 

“My dad left.” You said. “Sometimes I’m not even sure I remember what he looks like.”

Eddie grabbed your hand, squeezing. 

Instead of the flutter of anxious butterflies, you felt a calm wash over you at his hand in yours. 

“Do you, uh…” Eddie trailed off, taking a deep huff, “wanna talk about what I saw this morning?”

You sighed, not feeling anxious, but feeling tired. 

“You remember the skirt I wore the other day?”

Eddie swallowed visibly, eyes darting to your legs before your face again. 

“Yeah.”

“Robin helped me pick it out in June,” you fiddled with your sweater. “She convinced me to wear it the other day, finally, while the weather is still at least a little nice. Anyway, Thomas noticed my skirt. He hasn’t left me alone since. And today, he…”

Eddie took a long drag. 

“He grabbed me, grabbed my ass. Fucking pig.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m not even, like, scarred by that. You know how ridiculous that is? That I’m not even phased by it anymore?”

Eddie just shook his head, glaring at the ceiling. 

“Eddie?”

He wordlessly handed you the joint. 

“Toke up, sweetheart.”

You chuckled. 

“Jesus, what an asshole.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, taking a long drag. 

“Someone should—”

“Someone should, but someone won’t.” You looked at him. “They never do.”

“Hmm,” Eddie hummed, biting his lip in concentration. 

“Wanna skip the rest of the day?”

“God, yes.”

Th next day, Thomas Reed had a busted lip and a black eye. 

[brian-in-finance]

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•••••

WHAT THE STARS ARE SAYING

Check out why so many famed actors use Backstage

Trusted since 1960

Founded in 1960, Backstage has a storied history of serving the entertainment industry. For over 60 years Backstage has served as a casting resource and news source for actors, performers, directors, producers, agents, and casting directors.

Over that time, Backstage Magazine has also appeared on numerous TV shows, such as “Mad Men,” “Entourage,” “Glee,” “Oprah,” NBC's “Today” show, Comedy Central's “@Midnight”, NY1's “On Stage,” and “Saturday Night Live,” as well as multiple mentions on shows like “Inside the Actor’s Studio,” “Girls,” and appearances in films such as “13 Going on 30,” the Farrelly brothers' “Stuck on You” and Spike Lee's “Girl 6,” and even a mention in Woody Allen's short-story collection “Mere Anarchy” and Augusten Burroughs' novel “Sellevision” – and Backstage has received accolades from multiple Academy Award-, Emmy-, and Tony-winning actors and directors. (Plus, the hit musical “The Last Five Years” even includes Backstage in its lyrics: “Here's a headshot guy and a new Backstage / Where you're right for something on every page.”)

CAITRÍONA BALFE

ACTRESS

"I still get Backstage emails 'cause I still subscribe to Backstage. [Backstage is) kind of the Bible in the beginning, which is amazing. Samuel French and Backstage go hand in hand, you know? You go there for your plays when you're in classes, and then you get your Backstage."

Backstage 1

•••••

Brian’s Note: The following story originally appeared in April 2015. Most recent update is December 2020.

The Gorgeous Determination of Caitríona Balfe

Caitríona Balfe is on the move. That's been true most of her adult life— especially the 10 years she was modeling for Victoria's Secret, Dolce & Gabbana, and others—but as she sits on the rooftop patio of a West Hollywood hotel in mid-March, she mentions that she's pulling up stakes from Los Angeles.

"It just feels silly to have an empty place for 10 months until I figure out what I'm doing with my life," the Irish-born actor says. "I've rented the same place for the last four years and now I have to give it up." Her apartment is being razed to put in condos, but her departure from L.A. is extra poignant considering this is the city where Balfe journeyed when she decided to put aside that successful modeling career and focus on the vocation she'd always wanted: acting.

Photo: Luc-Richard Elie

"I've moved so much since I was 18," she says. "I mean, l've lived so many places. New York, I lived in for almost eight years [while modeling], and that's been the longest of anywhere since I left Ireland. But L.A. is where I came and said, 'OK, this is what I wanna do with my life.' "

She refuses to think of her move as a permanent one, though. "I'll be back," she declares, "but it feels really sad. My little apartment, it's got so many memories."

Balfe's sadness is no doubt mitigated by the fact that part of her need to move is due to the precipitous rise in her fortunes. She'll soon be flying to Scotland to shoot the second season of "Outlander," which returns to Starz April 4 to conclude Season 1.

When last we saw Balfe's Claire, the resourceful British nurse who comes home after World War |I only to be inexplicably teleported into the 18th-century Highlands, she was half-naked with a knife to her breast. Don't worry: Claire will get out of that scrape, but more perils await-to say nothing of the emerging multi-era romantic triangle developing between her, the Scottish warrior Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan), and her 20th-century husband, Frank Randall (Tobias Menzies), who wonders where she's gone.

Based on the much-beloved Diana Gabaldon novels and developed for television by "Battlestar Galactica" rebooter Ronald D. Moore, "Outlander" is an ostensibly lush period-piece-within-a-period-piece drama that's consistently richer and thornier than its romance-novel trappings suggest. And much of the credit goes to Balfe, who had managed small parts in films such as “Super 8” and “Now You See Me” before landing the central role in this adaptation.

In person, Balfe is far less imposing than the steely Claire, who has to weather the dangers of being a woman in sexist, violent Scotland in the 1740s. Cast late in the preproduction of “Outlander”—Moore has mentioned in interviews how hard it was to find the right Claire—she didn’t have time to consider what the role would do to her life. “I’m so bad on social media," she confesses on this warm afternoon, nestled underneath a cabana. "I had set up an account on Twitter maybe a year or so before I got this job and had, I thought, a lot of followers — 250 or something, and most of them are my friends. Within about a month or two, it was thousands of people — and my phone, I didn't know how to turn off the alerts, so it was just going all the time. That was the beginning of the awareness."

Growing up in the small Irish community of Monaghan, Balfe had considered acting from an early age. ("I was devastated that I wasn't a child actor," she says, smiling. But after traveling to Dublin to study theater, she changed course once she received an offer to model. It wasn't a secret passion of hers, but who turns down a trip to Paris? "My parents felt that I should finish college," Balfe recalls, "but l'm slightly headstrong, so l took their advice and I completely ignored it."

Over the next decade, she lived in France, Italy, Germany, and Japan, her modeling inexperience hardly a detriment. "You'd be amazed how little information or training goes into it," she says. "When I first arrived in Paris, I was told to take a bus to the office. I left my suitcase — I barely spoke any French — and someone took me across the street, helped me buy a Carte Orange. They printed out five addresses that I had to go to that day, and then they sent me off." She still remembers at 18 riding the subway alongside 16-year-old aspiring Russian models, who knew no French or English, homesick and sobbing their eyes out. "That was just the way it was," says Balfe. "You become pretty tough. When I went to Japan, it was similar: They would drive you to their castings, but the minute you got a job, it would be like, 'Here's an address, here's a map. Good luck.' They don't have signposts in English in Japan, so the map and the address are not always very helpful."

Hear Balfe recount her early misadventures in modeling and you can't help but think of Claire, who's equally thrown to the wolves once she arrives in the 18th century amid people wary of the English in general and assertive women in particular. "Honestly, l've been in so many situations in my life where you just are completely displaced," Balfe says. “You have to adapt very quickly and figure it out. I definitely think that informs Claire a lot. It helped me understand her."

Did moving to Paris at such a young age teach Balfe that she can cope in any circumstance? "I think I didn't really realize that until many years later," she replies. "I have a great knack of not thinking about things and just going for it. You learn the hard way sometimes that you're able to get through, but sometimes it's quite tough when you're in a situation where you don't know anyone and you're trying to find your way around cities. But if an opportunity presents itself and it seems like a good idea, l'm just like, 'OK, let's do it, then I'll figure it out.'”

The decision to reconnect with her acting ambitions was conducted just as boldly. Ready to quit modeling, she moved to Los Angeles because a writer she was dating lived there. He was the only person she knew, but she had read a Vanity Fair interview with Amy Adams in which she said she trained with Warner Loughlin. "I could walk to that place from my ex-boyfriend's house," she says, "so l was like, 'Well, I'm gonna go there because I can't really drive. I started from scratch. I didn't have any managers, I didn't know any agents, I hadn't acted in almost a decade." But she just kept taking classes, moving from Loughlin to the studios of Sanford Meisner and Judith Weston. "I think when I first got here, I had a nice little air of delusion: 'It's gonna work out,'" she says with a laugh. “You just don't know how."

And then came "Outlander." By email, Moore admits that he didn't know Balfe's work until her audition tape came unsolicited to his office from her agent. Once she was chosen for Claire, he made it clear how demanding the job would be. “I told her in our first meeting that this was going to be an even bigger responsibility and workload than the normal TV lead," he writes. "Because the story was being told from Claire's point of view, Cait was going to be in every scene, every day for months, which is an extraordinary amount of work, far beyond what most actors are ever asked to do."

Moore's warning didn't faze Balfe. Writes Moore, "After she met with the president of Starz... and it was clear that she was going to land the role, I walked her to the elevator and just before the doors closed on her, I said 'Your life is about to change forever,' and she gave me a grin that was both thrilled and slightly nervous. I never saw her hesitate after that."

She's never hesitated before. As Balfe prepares to say goodbye to L.A. (for now, she thinks back to her early days in the city, trying to convince casting directors that she was more than just a model. "I went on many, many, many, many auditions that were Hot Girl No. 2 — you wanna shoot yourself," she says, laughing. "But, you know, I'm very lucky that l was even getting those auditions in the beginning. And it toughens you up. At least for me, to have that fuel to prove people wrong—it definitely spurs me on and makes me wanna work harder." Then she smiles conspiratorially. "And shove it to them."

Backstage 2

Remember… I told her in our first meeting that this was going to be an even bigger responsibility and workload than the normal TV lead. — Ronald D Moore

[thelunarfairy]

Hanako-kun's Big Puzzle

I've been racking my brains over Hanako-kun for a long time now, trying to decipher the story is a lot of fun, but when it started dealing with temporal paradox I realized it would have more work than I imagined.

Generally, stories that change time tend to make our heads hard to understand. I like to divide it into parts and by characters and their importance, for example, I think Tsuchigomori is a very important piece here. A guy who can change someone's future (of course, having to sacrifice himself to do so) but this is a skill with a certain importance and that I don't see almost anyone talking about. Maybe it will be used later.

Each character placed here seems to have an importance in the story, it wasn't done for nothing, it has a reason. We have Nene's mysterious family, at the same time Teru's family with his equally mysterious father, Aoi who descends from the Kannagis, Mitsuba, who mysteriously found Tsukasa, I don't need to mention Sakura or Natsuhiko here.

They all guide us along a path in history, each one has a piece of it in their hands, besides of course, the Yugi twins and their "pet monster" who lives under the house.

The red house itself and the school are important, the details. I've been thinking about all of this and how the story would be summarized so far.

Kou's family, as has been said many times, is a family of exorcists who have been in the business since the time when supernaturals were called Yokais. At some point in time, we arrived at the village of Kannagis, considering that there was a God who should be obeyed, in the sense of being fed within a certain period of time, if this is not done, several supernaturals spread and start to devour the village people.

Considering that the Minamotos helped protect and create the Kannagis, it means that they still did not have enough power to destroy this "God" and made this agreement to sacrifice young women to him.

We follow Sumire's life, which makes it clear to us how it happens. At some point in time, the last Kannagi in the village was thrown, a young boy. If no others came later, it can only mean that the village ended up being destroyed or the people were devoured, or at best, they left.

There is still a possibility that the Minamoto managed to seal the passage. After that we have a big time jump. A family that went to live in a house that occasionally whispered to one of the boys. A boy who got too involved with this creature in order to help his older brother. And Tsukasa taught him to speak, even if he didn't mean to.

He became the new sacrifice right after the last Kannagi. There he started to live in a parallel place that changes and transforms whenever he sees fit, going back and forth in time whenever he wants. But we don't know if other supernaturals came out of there like they did in the village.

After 6 months Tsukasa returns with the creature. Then the house becomes cursed. Then we have Amane, the mysterious older brother who took his brother's life and his own. We don't know much about what happened afterwards, except that no one can inhabit it anymore because it consumed everyone who entered it.

All the people were still there, as Tsukasa said, they were the new Kannagis. So they had to ban it and the Minamoto knew of its existence. Teru mentions that the Kannagi boy being there is geographically strange. Which indicates the connection between the supernatural passages. Everything under the house is a well that leads to an unowned boundary, an empty place.

But nothing indicates that it was always there, the house changes the way it wants. So perhaps it has a direct connection with the village, which in this case is the current school.

And this is where I wanted to get to. The school, one of the most important characters in this story. It was here that the Minamoto seem to have had the most work. We have the famous boundaries, where some specific supernaturals were chosen (perhaps?) to take care of the passages between the far edge and the next.

Each of them is there to keep the peace, doesn't that seem like a deal made between humans and supernaturals? The Minamotos seem to have done this before. The Yorishiros are seals, and the only difference between them and Hanako's seal is the color, so are they containment seals?

Perhaps to keep that God contained and under control. In exchange for this, other supernaturals could roam freely as long as they did not harm humans and humans would leave them alone just the same.

But then we have Amane, who transforms into Hanako, we don't know how, but it seems there are signs that this was problematic. He gave the Minamoto a lot of work. What was Hanako trying to do? Was he aware of what he did?

His and Tsukasa's connection with this God is somewhat problematic. The twins could have been trying to free him for some purpose but were stopped.

Perhaps the creature took control of his body, and when Hanako was sealed, he returned to his original form and somehow managed to become one of the guardians of the boundary.

But Tsukasa doesn't seem to agree with that. Even during that same period, the relatives of the Minamoto brothers never showed a sign of life, at least to us and Teru has an unconditional hatred for all supernaturals, it is very obvious that it is because they did something that apparently hurt him a lot.

Because I still believe that his mother died from something related to the supernatural, but Teru doesn't tell Kou. Where are the other Minamotos?

In short, it is as if the Minamotos had sealed the "God" and forced some supernaturals to take care of it, the Yorishiros have the appearance of everything that their owner loves and wants to protect, so they themselves would not destroy it, guaranteeing that they will fulfill His duty is to maintain peace in the world of humans.

But each time a yorishiro is removed, more supernaturals come to the side of the living, as we saw on the day of separation. So Tsukasa wants to remove the seals, and when he removes them, Sakura said that everything will be destroyed.

A revenge from this God?

Aidairo left the information in the air that if Hanako's seal comes out, the world will fall into disarray. Kou said that his grandmother had trouble sealing Hanako, she couldn't exorcise him, to show how strong he was.

So, the creature could be sealed in Hanako. Remove all the yorishiros so that the passages are clear, remove Hanako's seal so that God can return and perhaps take revenge.

Yashiro, the Kannagi who has purifying powers, we don't know anything about her or her family, but we know that she has this ability, there was a complete chapter of the manga just to show this.

Tsukasa seems to play with her from the beginning, on purpose as if he were guiding her towards Hanako, he spies on them and doesn't interrupt when there are even romantic moments between them, as if he wanted that to happen, he stays until the end to confirm that the things are going as he wishes.

Like in this scene, where Tsusukasa appears right after the Hanene kiss, he was there from the beginning watching them.

He wants to use her as a bargaining chip, to manipulate Hanako, and in order for him to manipulate him, he would have to take away from him what he loves most at the moment. Or, the other possibility would be that he would use her so that in the end she would save Amane, even if she died in the process.

There's no way to know. Tsukasa probably won't be there to see it, as he's Hanako's yorishiro. But we don't know what Yashiro can actually offer us, but as our protagonist, she has an important and crucial role here.

Tsukasa has a strong connection with the creature and Hanako seems to be interested in the wish that this God can conceive if the seals are removed.

So we have the owners of the boundaries. Each with its own history and importance. Yako exists to show us how any supernatural can transform into something totally different from what it really is, but there is still its essence in it, perhaps a future reference to Hanako, who shows signs of being something totally different from what we imagine or even the way we look at Tsukasa.

Tsuchigomori, shows us not only Amane's past, but that he has a key that can be used, "the curator can change the future" considering that time is relevant to the story, this should be important in the future.

Each mystery has a narrative function in the story, whether to tell us something about the past or to prepare us for what will come in the future. Now we are in the arc of the clock, of time, where perhaps they will show us why time is important here.

Why is Yashiro getting Amane's key important? Tsukasa did everything so that she would purposely find him there, at that moment, he even left her with Natsuhiko so he could guide her, even if he pretended not to.

The person moving the story forward is Tsukasa. And he uses Nene for this, he wants to change the past, and of course, for Amane and perhaps for the creature that lives inside him.

But what does Tsukasa really want? No one knows about his desires, what he likes, his dreams (if he had any) everything is always about Amane.

Maybe the creature is using Tsukasa to free itself, the boy helps him, removes the seals, frees him, and lets the supernaturals do what they want. So he uses Yashiro so that maybe she can save her brother when this God is freed, she dies and in return he gets a wish, a wish that goes to Hanako, perhaps?

And what would Hanako want? Save Tsukasa? Save Yashiro? Back in time? Never existed?

There's no way to know. The information is still incomplete. And the role of Sakura and Natuhiko? And Mitsuba? There are still pieces missing from this puzzle, so everything I said could just be a delusion in my head, which even makes some sense.

There are other details that I haven't mentioned here so as not to prolong, but that's what I've interpreted so far. There's still the romance, the possessiveness, their motivations, there are still pieces missing.

[felassan]

Illuminating tweet series by a former Anthem developer [source].

They mention elsewhere in the thread that Anthem was developed in 15 months. Per the tweets, before this period, it spent 5-6 years in pre-production, lacking a clear vision and with an ever-changing vision; in game development this causes a lot of working and reworking. The devs were talented and all passionate about the game, but they were building "a new IP from nothing on an engine that was meant for an FPS with half a team that had never created live service games".

They further elaborate in more tweets that:

EA had their reasons to release it early but were stupid and the devs' team "had to pay the price". EA learned a lot from the development of Anthem but whether they applied those learnings is unknown

Jason Schreier's article (How BioWare's Anthem Went Wrong) was all 100% true at one point in development or other, and only scratches the surface

How did they manage to ship it in 15 months? The dev mentions working about 90 hours a week for 15 months. Many other devs on the team were also doing so and they think that others were doing 90 hours a week prior to the 15 month mark. "It wasn't sustainable and not even a position we should have been in." "I'm fine now, but not without damage. Contributed to the cost of my marriage and I needed therapy for a while after that endeavor." "It was a lot of morale hits on a personal level and a team level. Everyone had their own way of dealing with it." "There was a lot of pissed, stressed, rinse, repeat. It was a vicious cycle." "I guarantee we could have put something out in Unreal. Working in Frostbite was rough." After launch the team got death threats because of drop rates

Anthem was delayed as it had missing features, lack of polish and bugs that needed fixing. Another big problem that it faced was that it had lots of scope creep. "There were really high expectations for this game and the team felt it. We always were trying to push for cool features, etc.. So I think we could have done it if we kept our scope creep in check."

The main team was focused on getting the game out in a functional state. "We really needed another 1-2 studios to make endgame content while we were finishing up the game."

After launch it was all hands on deck to stabilize the game. Content and features that they wanted to do consequently kept getting deprioritized. A major focus they were trying to address at launch was all the server issues. "I think the shittiest part about this, besides no endgame and replay ability, was that during development, management was putting in gating mechanics to 'lengthen' the time it took to complete the story. IIRC it was removed from the final version after backlash from devs."

"It was a great team effort to get the controls how we shipped. We went through many iterations and it was super rough in the beginning. I know the team was really happy where the controls landed too. We actually took in a lot of feedback from the EA game changers."

A Twitter user asked "When you say it wasn’t ready, was that always communicated with other members of the team i.e. publishers?". The dev replied "I think it was ignored/denied from leadership. There is a story there, but I will refrain."

A transparent retrospective on Anthem/its development will likely never come to light because of both current and former devs still being under NDA

The dev has an assumption that if they didn't release Anthem, BioWare would have been dissolved. They also observe that BioWare just wasn't good at multi-project development, which is hard. Most people at BioWare didn't believe in "BioWare Magic". There was and maybe still is a lot of stress and politics surrounding Anthem from the development and publishing side (a problem not specific to Anthem). The dev mentioned that it was both an EA failure and a BioWare upper management failure. "I actually don't think it was all EA's fault. A developer and publisher is supposed to be a healthy relationship of trust and transparency. It's a 2 way street which i don't think was satisfied on either side."

Re: who made the decision to release the game in the state it was, some of them left and some remain at BioWare

On Anthem 2.0/Anthem Next, the game was really fun and was going in the right direction. The team had hit a really great milestone, when EA canned it. It was a different development team driving Anthem 2.0. The team were gutted when it was cancelled

(please note it's always best to read tweets and the like in full and in context, from the original source)

[source]

[gloryhrs]

━━ ⟡ 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐒, hichigo s.

gender neutral reader. ʚɞ ooc hichigo. ʚɞ req — @evet1224 ♥︎

The frown on Ichigo’s face deepened at the sight of his stressed s/o who was having a hard time completing the piles of extra work before them, he never understood why you always found a way to overwork yourself, but the same damn excuses you always said was my parents are going to be disappointed in me or I have to maintain good grades so I can get into the best college. After finally having enough of your sleep talk Ichigo picked you up from the kitchen table and started carrying you bridal style to his room whilst mumbling curses under his breath.

"Ichi what are you doing? I need to finish up my essay." You pouted at your boyfriend who only threw you onto the bed before searching in his drawers for the proper sleepwear for his lover. "It’s 2 in the morning babe, you’ve been up since 6. Not to mention, the essay is due in two months." He huffed as he unbuttoned your white uniform shirt, you rolled your eyes at the statement, he was like this before you started dating. Constantly checking up on you before arriving at school to see if you got a good night's rest the night before, and if you didn’t he’d always let you lean your head on him during lunch/free period time.

"Whatever, you better be lucky I love you." You yawned lowly before stretching your arms and taking your glasses off to snuggle into your boyfriend’s bare chest. Hearing your soft snores in a matter of seconds made Ichigo’s heart melt, he still couldn’t believe you were his s/o, everything about you is so. . . perfect. He let out a dry chuckle before pecking your forehead and pulling the cover over you both, "Sweet dreams ( N / n )."

The light scent of lavender woke you up from your sleep as you slowly opened your eyes to adjust to the bright light, “Oh, it’s you again.” You laughed at the grumpy-faced male standing above you. The white Ichigo eyes softened at your angelic form of laughter that came from your plump two-toned lips, “I told you what my name was, kid.” He pinched your chubby cheek as you winced at the sudden action. Once you sat up you notice how the usually blank space now was covered in purple flowers, which you notice were your favorites, lavender, and magenta lilacs.

“I know your name Hichigo, it’s just a pleasant surprise to see you again.” You looked over to the hollow who seemed to be frozen in his place, the way his name rolled off your tongue made him feel . . . weird. Not that he was complaining or anything, your presence made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Everything about you made him feel like he was in heaven, your laugh was so heavenly, and your appearance looked as if you were gifted from the Gods above as a special gift to the world. Your beauty was truly jaw-dropping, you were everything he wasn’t.

You hummed softly as your fingers brushed against the gorgeous flowers to take in the unique texture, “I remembered when I first saw you here, I thought something was wrong with me when I saw an all-white grumpy-faced Ichi in my dreams.” You smiled at the face Hichigo made when you called him Ichigo and tried to touch his face. The hollow only scoffed at the childish nickname you gave your boyfriend before placing a flower crown on your head, once he sat it down it just bounced off your head.

You watched as the hollow continued to get frustrated at your hair, “That damned troublesome hair of yours keeps getting in my way and it’s working my damn nerves!” He grunted whilst pulling on the flower crown so it can make a fit for your hair, after giving it one more tug the crown ripped apart, which made Hichigo grit his teeth in anger. “Damn it! These weak-ass flowers are good for nothing.” He cursed out loud at his sudden demise.

“Don’t worry about it Hichigo, we can make a new one together some other time.” Your soft-spoken voice snapped him out of his temper tantrum, it didn’t take long for him to realize his hand was intertwined with yours. The way your soft and warm hands held his cold and callous ones made him feel like a new person, and the way you looked at him when such tenderness and fondness made time feel like it was stopping. He’d never thought you would look at him that way, especially since he’s a hollow, the same one who tried to kill a person you loved deeply. The only person who you looked at like that was Ichigo.

“Tch, whatever.” He huffed under his breath with a light pink tinting his pale cheeks, his heart was filled with nothing but hate and disgust until you came along. He remembered vividly when Ichigo entangled his hand with yours and called you his lover. Since then, he couldn’t help but be interested in you and your ways. You could make a person with the coldest of hearts melt at the sound of your voice, the softness of your hands, and the way of your words. He shouldn’t feel this way, but his heart was telling him another story.

“Stop it Hichigo!” Another laugh came from your lips as you desperately attempted to crawl away from the hollow who tickled your feet nonstop with a playful smile across his features. “Not until you say sorry!” He now started to drag you across the field of flowers by your legs, the sound of your giggles truly was contagious, no wonder why Ichigo can’t hold his laughter when he’s around you. “I-I’m sorry okay! Now put me down!” The bright smile stayed on your face as the white Ichigo let your legs go so you could flop down onto the pile of flowers under you.

After the sound of your laughter calm down Hichigo felt his heart swell up, once he sat down he reached over towards you and pulled you into his lap, which made your cheeks heat up slightly. “Hey, may I ask you a question?” You reached out to caress his cold cheeks that instantly heated up from the contact of your gentle hands, “What is it?” He murmured as his chin rested on top of your hair, the smell of strawberry shampoo lingered throughout his nose.

“Why do you keep showing up? Is there something you’re trying to tell me?” You cutely tilted your head in confusion at why a hallow, specifically your boyfriend’s would continuously show up in your dreams? After asking the question Hichigo immediately turned his head into the other direction, as if he was ashamed of himself. “I just, thought you were interesting okay? nothing more.” He pushed you off his lap which caused you to yelp in surprise, you could tell that he was embarrassed of himself, from the way he refused to look at you to him playing with his fingers like a toddler who had just been caught in a lie.

“Are you sure about that? It seems like you’ve been manifesting yourself into my dreams so you could spend more time with me.” A teasing smile came onto your face at the sight of the hallow who was now staring back at you like you were a some type of fortune teller, his rosy cheeks indicating that you are right. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Ichigo. This can stay between us.” You wrapped your arms around his neck from behind so you could kiss his cheek which turned into a brighter shade of red.

“Yeah, it’ll be our little secret.” He pressed his soft but dry lips against yours in order to contain your teasing. You truly are one of a kind.

© gloryhrs, 030623. — notes and reblogs are appreciated! (≧∇≦)[ ahh this was sm fun to write! (✿❛◡❛) ]

[nei-ning]

Me earlier this week: God, my acne has been so strong and bad for days! Even washing my face hasn't helped with a soap for acne. All these have to be because of my hormones and upcoming periods next week.

Me today: My acne seems to be getting even worse! What the hell!? I hate this! ... ... ... I think I will google what makes acne more worse. Google: "People with acne should avoid sugar."

Me: ... ... ... *realizes I've eat 6 x 200g big chocolate bars this week* ... ... ... NO WONDER MY FACE BLOOMS!

But yeah, in all seriousness, I KNOW I eat too much chocolate. Hell, I basically LIVE by eating ONLY chocolate. I don't eat junk food almost at all. I might buy mini vegetable burger once a month when I visit nearby city. Pizza and kebab I eat rarely too. Maybe one pizza per month (from store) with a luck so to say.

Anyway, all that sugar and fat makes my skin all over the body greasy and I hate that - not to mention those acne pimples on my cheeks and jawlines (right side worse) AND those darn pimples are spreading behind my ears and towards the back of my neck!

I'm also overweight. I calculated one day I have 20-25 kilos too much weight. I weight 88 kilos, while being 163cm tall, while I should weight 65 at max. But hell, I would be happy even with 70 or 75 kilos!

I KNOW I've brought this to myself, I'm not asking anyone's pity etc. I'm just ranting out my own frustration about myself, lack of self-control, self-discipline etc. I just sit and eat chocolate, and sleep. That's honestly all I do. Every day, around the clock. I had motivation more when I had Verti with me but when he died... it all left me too. Nothing in my life hasn't feel the same anymore after his death - and it soon has been a year since he passed.

I want to try to drop chocolate out next month. I mean I have been able to be without any sweets in the past and back then I felt SO ALIVE and so good! I want to feel that again. I also want to try to start to eat more vegetables, fruits etc. next month. The issue just, sadly, is that most things give me so horrible heartburn that it honestly feels like my stomach is burning out through my body like some acid. I am not kidding. That is strong and horrible feeling and no meds help to it. That's why my eating is very limited.

If anyone wants to drop me any tips, hints, recipes etc. about healthier food, vegetarian food, taking care of acne (no meds! I asked meds once from nurse and she just said: "Taking care of acne is long and hard process.". She refused to treat me) and exercise tips or motivation, please, leave a comment or contact me via chat!

Thanks!

[danceswithsporks]

Calm - Part 8

Part 2 of 6 in The Complete Series

Wrecker x Seamstress!Reader

Parts 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Chapter Summary: Chai returns to Pabu with interesting news for all of you that will shake everything you’ve worked to repair.

Authors Note: Here we are! The second to last chapter before the end of this fic! I can’t believe we’re already almost there! I sadly don’t foresee the final part being finished before the premier of S3 of Bad Batch but I’ll def do my best to get it done soon!

If you haven’t seen my previous updates in regards to the final season! The events of The Complete Series have already been pre-planed and outlined for each fic! Nothing will change unless I find it massively imperative to the story!

Calm, well as calm as things can be when you’re making clothes to outfit an army. Or more directly ex-army. Somehow you’d been talked into supplying clothes, along with others, to Chai’s new business. She wouldn’t give too many details, apparently the less you knew the better, but she’d taken on supplying clothes to those who’d served in the war and their families. Wrecker had told you that they were important men to him and his brothers. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that they were mainly clones. There were those rare moments where you sent children's clothing as well that made you wonder who else was being helped. You didn’t push to find out. 

You were proud of Chai. It had been six months since Tech’s death and although things were rough in the beginning, she seemed to be doing better. She was helping those in need and running a successful business on an entirely different planet. At least you figured it was successful with how much you were being paid for making all this clothing. You could have sworn you’d heard Crosshair mention something about wealthy donors but once again, you didn’t push. If it was this much of a secret then you’d let Wrecker and the others keep it. All you knew was that those you cared for were helping those in need. That was enough for you. 

So when Chai returned suddenly to Pabu and asked to talk to you, you were a bit surprised. 

“C-Chai! What are you doing here?” Standing in the doorway of your home, you took in the almost frazzled look on her face. “Are you okay? What happened?” Your hand moved to her forehead where a healing cut could be seen. 

“I needed to leave. Can I come in?” She fidgeted slightly before stepping in when you moved to the side. Her eyes looked around at your home and she smiled softly at the signs of a family living here, not just you. On the dining table was a handmade clay vase that housed a bouquet. A few new holo-flats of you, Omega, and Wrecker had been added to the walls and a child’s jacket could be seen on the couch. “Omegas at school?”

“Yeah, Wrecker’s down at the docks helping bring it today's catch. Sounds like it was a good one if they needed his help.” You moved into the kitchen and grabbed the tart you’d made the night before and two plates. “Sorry about the mess. Omega had her first sleepover a few nights ago and we’re still recovering.” Five little girls did more damage than you thought possible. 

Chai followed behind you and grabbed two glasses and a pitcher of water from the fridge. “Wow, sounds like everyone’s settling in.” 

Placing the plates on the table, you nodded. “It’s taken some work, but I think we’re finally getting back to normal. Omega’s making a lot of friends at school and even Crosshair is settling in.” 

“Are they still having nightmares?” Chai placed the glasses down before taking a seat at the table, the bag she’d been carrying sat on the floor next to her leg. 

You chewed your lip for a moment before sighing softly and sitting down. “Periodically. But calming down after is getting easier.” 

“That’s good.” Pouring two glasses of water, Chai chewed her lip for a solid minute. It was clear there was something on her mind. 

“Chai. What’s going on?” You reached across the table and took one of her hands in yours. “What happened? How did you get this?” You pointed to the cut on her forehead. 

She reached up with her free hand and carefully touched the still-tender cut. “Fang. He attacked me behind the shop.” 

“What? I hope you taught him a lesson.” You moved to stand but felt yourself pulled back down. 

“I did my best but someone ended up stepping in and saving me.” Chai didn’t make eye contact with you as she spoke, clearly glossing over something. 

“You know that Crosshair and Hunter are going to demand you take self-defense lessons now, right?” Releasing her hand, you grabbed the knife and cut two slices of tart. All of the boys had taken on caring for Chai. No doubt feeling a sense of duty to protect her and be there for her in Techs sted. “Did you get the name of your savior? I hope you thanked him properly.” 

Chai watched as you placed a slice of tart on a plate and passed it to her before plating one for yourself. “It was…Tech.” 

Your hand froze over the piece of tart in front of you. “Wh-what?” You had to be hearing things. Maybe she said a different name? 

“It was Tech who saved me. He’s…alive.” The look of disbelief on your face seemed to match hers at the time. 

Blinking rapidly, you tried to focus on her words. She was being serious, wasn’t she? “Ch-Chai, are you sure? It’s not someone who looks like him?” 

Chai reached into her bag on the ground and grabbed her datapad. Tapping at the device pulled up the surveillance feed from the shop. She clicked on a saved file that showed the clone stepping in and saving her, his face clear and crisp on the screen. “Here. I couldn’t believe it at first either.” 

You took the datapad from her and watched as Tech tased the attacker before helping Chai stand and rush into her shop. “But wait, why are you here if he’s alive? Shouldn't you two be making up for lost time?” Passing the device back to her, you caught the way her bottom lip trembled. “Chai?” It was like a damn was broken, as soon as you said her name the girl broke into a fit of tears. 

“He doesn't remember me!” She covered her face with her hands and broke into loud sobs, her body shaking. “Kix says it’s a severe case of amnesia and there’s a possibility that he’ll never get his memories back!” 

Oh, that was a lot more than you were expecting. “Amnesia?” Stars, that was far worse than him just being dead. At least with him being dead, she could move on. With him alive and her knowing that he didn’t remember her it would be like torture. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.” 

“I tried, I tried to just be normal with him. I made him tea and talked with him like we used to but” she sniffled and wiped at her face with the long sleeve of her shirt. 

“It wasn’t the same?” She nodded to you, making you frown. Standing you moved around the table and held your friend close. “There’s the chance he’ll remember one day. Right?” 

“Echo says it could come with time. I just...I couldn’t be around him. Not yet at least.” Her head shook against your shoulder. “Am I a coward?” 

“Shhh” You rubbed her shoulder gently. “Not in the slightest. You suffered more than the rest of us through all of us. I don’t think of you as a coward for leaving.” You tapped your teeth for a moment before continuing. “But I will think you a coward if you avoid him forever after this.” 

“Avoid who?” Wrecker stood in the doorway of your home with a smile and a large fish in tow. “Hey, Chai. Didn’t know you were coming for a visit.” 

“It’s not a visit.” She shifted awkwardly against you. How would she tell him that his brother was alive? From what you’d told her, he’d suffered harshly after the supposed death of his brother. “I’m moving back.” 

“Was it Kix? Did he overstep? I told him he needed to be careful with his flirting with you.” Wrecker shook his head disapprovingly before moving to the kitchen to place the fish in the fridge. 

Kix had a crush on her? She never noticed that. “Umm, no.” She wiped her face with her sleeve once more before pulling away from you slightly. “Kix has been nothing but a gentleman. They all have been.” 

Wrecker stepped out of the kitchen with that happy smile still plastered on his face. “That’s good to hear. Didn’t want to have to beat up my vod.” He chuckled deeply but found the gesture not returned. “What’s going on?” He looked at Chai closer and noticed the cut. “What happened? Is the shop okay?” 

“She was attacked behind the shop. By Fang.” You stroked your friend's arm gently before stepping away. You’d handle this. “But one of your brothers stepped in and saved her.” Stepping over to the man you loved, you grabbed one of his hands and looked up at him. 

“Which one? Gotta thank him.” Why were you looking at him like that? “Sarad? What is it?”

“You should sit down, Wrecker.” Stroking his hand gently, you took him over to the couch and watched as he sat down. That sweet, pure brown eye was staring at you with so much love. He was doing so well lately and now you were going to destroy all this progress. “Love, the brother that saved her was” You took a long deep breath. “My love, it was Tech.”

-*-

Wrecker watched as the same scene played over for the fifth time on Chai’s datapad. Tech. His vod. He was alive. “Tech…but how?” He looked at Chai who’d now taken a seat across from him while you sat safely next to him, a hand on his forearm.

“His repel line snagged on a service ladder. It helped cushion his fall.” Chai poked a fork at the tart still sitting uneaten on her plate. “His femur injury reopened from the fall and he developed amnesia. Some villagers found him and nursed him to health. Once he was healed, he left to try and figure out who he was.” 

“He found his way to Ord Mantell and to you. It’s a sign from the universe.” You leaned your head against Wrecker's arm and watched him press replay on the video once more. It was no surprise that he was shocked by the news. He’d watched his brother die. Had blamed himself for weeks over his death. If this was how he was then how would Omega be? 

“Will he get the memories back?” His eyes took in the way Tech carefully approached Chai after tasing Fang. It wasn’t the usual confident way Tech moved, this was timid and filled with nervous energy. How could Tech be alive? His brain just couldn’t seem to wrap around the knowledge. 

Chai picked up her glass of water and swirled it for a moment. Unable to look at the large clone before her. “Kix and Echo say there’s a chance they’ll never come back. But that’s a small chance. For now, we just need to not force anything. Let it all come back naturally.” Which she was doing amazing at by running. Maybe you were right, she was a coward. 

Tech could never remember them. If that happened then it would destroy Omega. “Omega can’t know. Not a word to her about any of this.” He placed the datapad down on the table and chewed his lip. “We need to tell Hunter and Cross. They deserve to know.” 

“How long can we keep something like this from her though? Surely one day someone would slip and reveal it. How mad would she be when that happened? How heartbroken?” Beside you, Wrecker shifted awkwardly in his seat, clearly uncomfortable with the idea of lying to Omega. It was clearly for her own sanity but still. 

This was something he needed to talk to Hunter about. He was their leader for a reason. “Just…nothing to her for now. Not until we have a plan.” Or Tech got his memories back. 

“We can invite Hunter and Crosshair over for dinner tonight.” You looked at Chai and smiled softly. “You’ll be there too. Once Omega goes to bed we can go over everything and see what they think.” 

Chai just wanted to go home and check in on her family. It had been months since she’d seen them last and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t missed them. “Are you sure you need me?” When you nodded to her with a stern look, she knew there was no way out. “Alright.”  She moved to stand up but stopped when she heard the door open once more. “Oh, Omega.” 

“Chai!” The young blonde quickly ran across the room and hugged the woman tightly. “What are you doing here?” She could have sworn you’d said it would be a miracle if Chai came back anytime soon. 

“Just came back for a visit, that’s all.” Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a small container. “Brought ya something from an old friend.” 

Omega's eyes lit up and sparkled as she opened the container. “Mantell Mix! Thank you!” She excitedly jumped in place before turning to show Wrecker. For a brief moment, she found a serious look on her brother's face. But as fast as it had appeared, it was gone. How strange. “Wrecker look! So happy they let us out early.” 

You moved around the table and took Omega’s satchel from her. “Why did they send you home early?” It wasn’t like the school to let the kids out early. 

“The teacher droid said a storm is coming.” Omega popped another piece of mix into her mouth before moving around the table and sitting closest to the tart. She remembered you making it the night before and how delicious it looked. Silently, she pointed at the tart earning a smile and a head nod from you. Her eyes lit up at the silent permission you gave her and quickly she grabbed the knife and cut a slice. 

“Yeah, all the boats are being called back early. That’s why they sent me home.” Wrecker watched as Omega carefully cut a slice of tart and happily ate a small bite. 

“Storm, huh?” You walked over to the kitchen and grabbed your datapad. Sure enough, on the screen was a message from Shep to the entire island letting them know about the storm. “Looks like it’s gonna be a rough one. We should probably secure the shop and the house. With us being so high on the mountain we’re gonna get hit with the wind worse.” Already you could hear the wind picking up a bit. 

Wrecker stood and stretched carefully. “Chai, want me to walk ya home? Gonna check in on Hunter and Cross and invite them to hide out here for the night.” He looked at you. “If that’s ok, Sarad.” 

Already you were making a mental list of everything you’d need to do. There was fabric air drying that would need to be pulled in and patio furniture you’d need to secure. Wrecker asked you once more if it was ok for the boys to hide out at your place and you smiled. “You never need to ask, Wrecker. <strong> Our </strong> place is always open to your family.”  Strong arms wrapped around your body and pulled you close as a warm stubble-covered face rested against your cheek. 

“Thank you.” Came as a whisper from him and you knew it wasn’t simply for letting his brothers come over. With the news that you’d all just received, all any of you wanted was to be with those you cared for. Your arms wrapped around him and held him close. “Of course, my love.” 

Omega made a fake gagging sound as she watched the two of you. “You two are doing it again.” She watched as you smirked and rolled your eyes. 

Chai chuckled at Omega’s dramatic playfulness. “They do this a lot?” 

“All the time. Super lovey-dovey. Especially after they go on one of those long dates in the Marauder.” She bit into another piece of tart. The flavor exploded in her mouth as a berry popped. She giggled playfully as you gasped at her words. “Well, you guys do! For like three days after you two are extra kissy.” 

You hadn’t realized your trips to the waterfall with Wrecker lifted your mood so much that Omega noticed. Chai shot you a knowing smirk and you felt like you were going to die from embarrassment. “Good to know, Mega. How about you get started on your homework?” And give you a moment to not feel so embarrassed! 

“Don’t you need help securing the shop?” She took another bite of the treat in front of her, enjoying the way your cheeks were getting redder and the way Wrecker was trying not to laugh. 

Damn, you did need her help. “Uh, yeah. But I need to fold fabric and bring stuff in so it’ll be a bit before I need your help.” Beside you, the clone was shaking from trying to hide his laughter. It wasn’t funny…ok it was a little bit. You thought you’d been secretive about how the trips went but it seemed not. Stars, Doll was going to have a field day with this, and with the way Chai was looking at you? It seemed like she was going to tell the innkeeper as soon as she could. “Homework now and I’ll grab you when it’s time.” 

Omega nodded and stood with her now empty tray. “Okay.” She paused for a moment and looked at the three adults in the room. Something was going on. Things had felt tense and heavy when she walked in earlier but now it seemed fine. Maybe things were okay? But something in her stomach was telling her that they weren’t. It was that same feeling she’d had after they’d lost Tech. 

“Omega? You ok?” You walked over and took the plate from her while watching her carefully. The girl blinked a few times before shaking her head and nodding. 

“Y-yeah. Sorry. Can I take the mix with me?” She held up the container for you to see. 

“Just a little bit. Wrecker brought home a beautiful fish for dinner tonight. I figured you could help me make it after we get the house secured?” A strand of hair was brushed behind the girl's ear with your hand. The blonde locs were getting long. The length looked good on her. 

Brown eyes lit up and shined at you. “Yes! Of course!” She loved cooking with you and Wrecker! It was always so much fun! The feeling in her stomach disappeared slightly, now replaced with the excitement of helping you. She’d definitely finish her homework fast now. With a wave to everyone, Omega took off for her room. 

You waited until her door had shut before speaking to Wrecker and Chai. “Let the guys know we want them for dinner, but don’t tell them why. It’ll come as a shock to them too and it’s better if we do all of this as a family.” 

“Including Omega?” Chai looked down the hall to the extra rooms. The girl was so sweet and pure for everything she’d gone through in life. She could only imagine how this would make her feel.

Wrecker looked down at you and the two of you shared a silent look before he shook his head. “Not yet. Not until we have better news for her.” 

“Agreed. We can take a group vote tonight to see what Hunter and Crosshair think. But I feel that they’ll agree with us.” Walking over to Chai, you hugged her tightly. “I hope you’ll come back tonight for dinner.” 

Chai returned the hug while nodding. “Of course. As long as the storm doesn’t get too bad. I’ll be here.” 

Omega stood with her back against the door to her room, her ears straining a bit to hear what was being said. What were you guys not telling her? Why did you need to take a vote with Crosshair and Hunter? She heard the door open followed by the heavy footsteps of her brother. Whatever it was, she’d find out. 

-*-

“Stitches, dinner was amazing.” Hunter sat back with a satisfied sigh, his hand on his stomach. He had to admit that you were one hell of a cook. Wrecker was one lucky man to have you by his side. 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. But it would have been nothing without that amazing fish Wrecker caught today.” With a happy hum, you stood and began to clear the dishes. 

Omega stood up quickly and grabbed some of the plates nearest her. “I’ve got it!” The longer she stayed up the more likely the adults would say something to her, right?

You watched in surprise as the young blonde grabbed the dishes in your hands and carried them towards the kitchen. “O-oh. Thanks, Omega.” It wasn’t uncommon for her to help you after dinner, but it was a surprise that she was so eager. Usually, you had to ask. You felt a tug on your wrist and found Wrecker pulling you back down into your seat.

“Seems like the kids settled in nicely.” Crosshair pulled a toothpick from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth. Arms crossed, he watched Omega place the dishes into the sink and turn in the water. “So, what’s going on? Why are you here, Chai?” 

Eyes flickered quickly to Crosshair as he asked his question. “Umm, perhaps we should wait until she’s asleep.” Your voice was low as you tilted your head towards the kitchen. 

Hunter chewed his lip while the sound of clinking dishes filled the room. “That important, huh?” When you nodded to him he sighed. “Should have known this wasn’t just a group dinner.” 

“We still have a reason to celebrate. Chai’s home. The gang’s almost completely back together. Just need Echo.” And Tech. But the others didn’t know that yet and the idea of him being able to join you all once more was still just that, an idea. If the amnesia was as bad as Chai was saying it was then it could truly be a long wait before he was truly back to you all. You caught the way Chai shot you a look. No doubt she wished you could say Tech's name as well. 

“If we’re gonna celebrate then we need some cake.” Wrecker proudly cheered, trying to keep the air light and joyful. The moment the others learned of Tech everything would change. 

You chuckled brightly while leaning against Wrecker. “Well, I didn’t make a cake. But Chai brought some macarons from the shop.”  

Chai smiled at you and pulled the round container from her bag. “Assorted flavors. Couldn’t decide on just one so I made a little of everything.” The lid popped off with a small hiss and the colorful rainbow of treats was now visible to all.

Reaching across the table, you snagged one of the pink ones and happily took a bite. “Mmm, Rosewater?” The flavor lightly danced across your tongue making you hum excitedly. 

“Of course. I know they’re your favorite.” Reaching into the container, Chai grabbed one of the yellow ones. “Omega! Come try some of these and let me know how they taste!” 

The sound of dishes clattering into the seat and the water suddenly turning off made those around the table chuckle. The blonde came running into the room with still-dripping hands as sweet chocolate eyes scanned the table for the aforementioned treats. You smiled brightly as she found them and quickly made a grab for one. Hunter reached out and gripped her wrist, mentioning that she should dry them first before touching the macarons. The girl made a defeated whine before wiping them on her pants quickly. Earning an eye roll from Hunter and Crosshair and a laugh from the others. You allowed yourself the moment to enjoy the happiness of your group, knowing that in roughly an hour it would all change. 

“So, Omega. How’s school been going?” Chai watched the child wiggle happily as she bit into one of the sweets. 

“Really good!” Omega bounced back and forth in a happy dance as she took another bite. “We learned about currents in the ocean and riptides. Lyana said that’s why we can’t go to the cove?” She looked at you and Chai for verification.  

You nodded while reaching for another macaron. “Yup. The current is too strong and will pull ya right out to sea. Usually, people use boats to get over there or if the tide is low enough then they swim over. But that’s rare these days. Especially since the tsunami.” 

Omega sighed dejectedly “Oh man. It sounds like a cool place. I wish I could see it.” 

“Oh, it’s the coolest. We used to spend so much time there a few years ago. Was the first place you showed me after my family moved here.” Chai ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass. The amber liquid within pairing nicely with the sweets she’d brought. “Isn’t that where you and Paolo-“

You feigned a coughing fit, stopping the woman from continuing her train of thought. She shot you a knowing smirk and it took everything in you not to fling a macaron at her. You loved her but damn did she know how to push your buttons. “Like Chai said, it’s a cool place. Maybe we’ll take you there when the weather gets better.” 

“Paolo, huh?” Wrecker smirked at you before leaning over and kissing your temple. “You’ll have to tell me more about him later.” He teased you with a grin while grabbing a treat for himself. It wasn’t hard to figure out where Chai had been going. He’d wondered who your first had been, seems like he’d just found out. As did the others. 

“Take it that the spot is popular with the teens and young adults of the island?” Crosshair raised a knowing eyebrow as he watched you and Chai redden at his question. When you nodded sheepishly he smirked. Perhaps his pretty little Doll would be up for a visit. 

“Why would it be popular for them?” Omega bit into her third macaron with a happy hum. Why was everyone looking at her like that? “Oh, is this another adult-only thing?” She hated being young. Even if she was technically older than the boys. 

You’d be flinging macarons at all of them at this rate. Omega was hearing far too much for someone her age. Clapping your hands loudly, you tried to change the topic “Omega, how about you show Chai the new decorations we added to your room?” 

Omega tilted her head as you changed the subject. She may be young but she wasn’t dumb. You wanted to talk about something else. “How old do I need to be to be able to talk about this stuff?” 

“18” 

“18”

“18”

“18”

“30”

Everyone looked at Hunter in surprise at the absurd number he’d just spit out. What? He wasn’t ready for any of these conversations with her yet. You’d mentioned to him something about the talk about puberty soon and he’d nearly passed out. “Uh, 18. Of course.” He feigned a laugh as the sound of the rain outside picked up. “Chai, these are delicious.” Hunter picked up a raspberry macaron and stuffed it into his mouth. He wasn’t cut out for this life.

Now Hunter was getting red! Omega giggled before stepping away from the table with two more macarons in her hand. “Come on, Chai. I’ll show you my room. We got these pretty star decorations that hang from the ceiling. I really like them.” 

You watched as Chai followed the girl down the hall while chatting about the new decorations. Thank goodness Omega tended to be easily distracted. Picking up your glass of wine, you took a slow sip and sighed. This was nice if only it would last all night.

-*-

“He’s alive?” Crosshair felt his heart race at the words. Alive. Tech was alive. Omega had been sent to bed and the group had retired to the shop to not wake the girl. Already he’d heard from Chai twice on how his brother had survived and yet he still couldn’t comprehend it. “Tech? You’re sure?” 

“Yes.” Chai passed her datapad to him, the video from earlier playing once more. “It’s him in every way possible.” Even if he wasn’t fully himself, it was him. 

Hunter leaned against the wall closest to the door with his arms crossed, a frown on his lips. “Kix is positive there’s nothing we can do?” The door was currently cracked open slightly allowing the smell of rain to waft into the shop. Outside the wind howled with the storm and thunder rang out in the distance. The smell of your shop and its fabrics mixed with the rain making his senses override. It was a curse, his heightened senses, made situations like this difficult. Tech was alive, his brother was alive and yet he couldn’t focus on it. It was like his brain was telling him it was all too much. That he needed other things in his mind. 

Chai shook her head quickly. “Nothing. He’s worried that if we push too hard we could cause more damage.” There was so much she’d wanted to try and yet she couldn’t risk him losing his memories forever. Something she equates to torture and thus why she’d returned to Pabu. Being around him, even for that little bit of time the first night, had been far too tempting. All she’d wanted to do was kiss him once more and yet she couldn’t. She’d lied to him, told him they had just been friends. 

“All we can do is support Tech and be here when he’s ready.” You leaned against Wrecker, his arms tight around your waist as the two of you sat with your back against the counter. “The real question concerns Omega. Do we tell her?”

“The kid’s been through a lot.” Crosshair pointed at Wrecker with his toothpick. “Ya said she had those nightmares for months.” 

“Yeah. A mix between Tech’s death and what happened on Mount Tantiss.” You felt Wreckers shift so one of his knees was up, it began to bounce nervously. Reaching out silently, you placed a hand on his knee to calm him. “She still has one every once in a while now, but it’s not as bad as it was and she’s gotten better at calming down on her own.” 

Hunter chewed his lip in thought for a moment. “We shouldn’t put her at risk then. Won’t be fair to the kid.” He didn’t like the idea of lying to her and keeping such important news a secret. It was clear on everyone’s faces that none of them did. “Echo still not answering?” 

Chai shook her head before tapping at your datapad in her lap. They’d been trying for the last hour to contact Echo and get his input on everything but had failed. She worried something had happened when not even Kix had answered her call. “Somethings wrong.” 

“Something bad?” You continued to hold Wrecker's knee still, able to feel the tensing of it as he tried to bounce it. 

“They would have triggered one of our alarms if it was really bad. I would have gotten a notification.” What if it was Tech? What if something had happened to him? What if … he’d left? Would it be considered her fault if he did? Chai shook her head before trying Echo once more, this time from her datapad. After a few moments, the call still wasn’t answered. Sighing, Chai placed the datapad down. “Looks like it’s up to us. I vote we keep it a secret until he remembers her.” 

Crosshair and Hunter both shared a look before nodding in unison. “Agreed.” Came in dual voices. 

Wrecker swallowed loudly before nodding as well. “Yeah. Sounds like a smart idea.” 

Thunder cracked loudly outside making you jump slightly. “Then we’re all on board with this. Until Tech remembers her, Omega will not know he’s alive.” 

“What?” A soaked Omega stood in the doorway of your shop, a shocked Hunter staring down at her. “H-He’s alive and you weren’t going to tell me?” She hadn’t been able to sleep knowing you were all keeping something from her. Tech had once taught her that water could wash away one’s scent and thus made it harder for Hunter to track, a lesson that she’d used to her advantage. Sneaking out to your shop had been easy and she had silently thanked the universe for the door being cracked open. She hadn’t caught the entirety of the conversations, just the end, but it had been enough. 

“Omega!” You jumped up at the sight of the soaked girl. “Look at you.” Turning around you grabbed a pile of fabric off the shelf and ran over to her, ready to wrap the material around her and dry her off. “You’ll get sick if you stay drenched lik-“Your words were cut off as she moved away from you angrily. 

“I trusted you!” Her brown eyes shook with a mix of anger and sadness. “You were just going to lie to me? For how long? A week? A month? Forever?” 

You shook your head quickly as you stepped towards the girl once more. “Omega, it’s not that simple. We…”

“Why should I trust what you have to say?” She looked at everyone in the room. “Why should I trust any of you?” With that she turned and bolted out of the front of the shop and down the path, her bare feet sliding slightly against the cold cobblestones.

Instantly you were racing after her, the cold sting of the powerful rain whipping across your cheeks. “Omega!” Where was she going? 

Wrecker and the others weren’t too far behind you. It had taken them all a moment to process what had happened before they were moving and running down the path calling out for her as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen her act this way. Running off recklessly into a storm. “Omega! Stitches!” He called for you both loudly, his voice booming like thunder. 

Omega wasn’t sure where she was running to but she allowed her legs to carry her wherever they desired. How could all of you agree to lie to her? Keep from her that her brother was alive? Alive. Tech was alive! But he didn’t remember her? Wasn’t that what you’d been saying? That you’d keep the secret until he remembered her? How could he forget her? After everything they’d been through together. The past conversations with him ran through her head, especially the one in the cave after the mining incident. “Tech … ” tears mixed with rain as the girl continued down the path and now towards a destination. 

“Omega, please!” She turned left off the path and suddenly you understood where she was heading. “Omega! Stop! It’s too dangerous!” Behind you, Wrecker's voice boomed as he called out for the both of you. The path turned from cobblestones to mud and grass as you followed her toward the cliff overlooking the cove. You hadn’t had time to put shoes on and thus the thick mud was now sticking to your feet giving you some resistance. “Ome-“ you gasped before tumbling forward and the feeling of fire shot through your ankle. You landed in the mud with a hiss and swore loudly. Looking at what had tripped you, you found a sharp rock jutting out of the earth. Pain shot through your ankle as you tried to fight back tears. 

Wrecker was just barely far enough behind you to not see you trip due to the downpour showering the island with a wall of water, so when he found you sitting on the ground with mud on your face and your hand around your ankle he was shocked. “Sarad! Are you ok?” He yelled to you over the rain and thunder. Taking a closer look at your ankle he noticed red seeping from between your fingers. “You're hurt!” 

“Don’t worry about me! Get Omega! She’s heading towards the cove!” Fuck your ankle hurt. You watched as he gave you a nervous look. “Go, Wrecker!” 

“I … but your ankle. Are you sure?” When you nodded to him he kissed the top of your head quickly before taking off once more in the direction that Omega had run. Hunter and the others had to be close. “Omega! Stop!” 

“Leave me alone!” Omega yelled over her shoulder as she continued down the path. Where was the turn-off towards the beach? It was so hard to see with all this wind and rain. Suddenly, the ground tapered to a point making Omega fumble to stop. With a screech, she slipped in the mud and went over the edge. “Wrecker!! Help!” Her hands gripped a large root sticking out of the mud. Below her, the waves of the ocean crashed against the rocks and licked at her ankles. If she fell she’d be swallowed by waves and pulled out to sea. 

Wrecker heard her before he finally saw her. It was like a flash from the past. She hung from a root with fear in her eyes. Below her, the sea churned and reached for her like some terrible monster. Instantly he was back on that broken rail cart staring down at Tech. His brother hanging from a repel line for dear life as troopers fired upon them. The height wasn’t nearly the same but it still threatened to push him away from the edge. No, he’d worked too hard with you to face these fears. If it came to it he’d jump from their ledge to her. He’d lost Tech that day, he wouldn’t lose Omega. Reaching down, he gripped her wet hand tightly. “I’ve got you, Omega! Just hold on.” The crash of the sea below and the thunder and rain above mixed into a deafening roar that nearly drowned his voice out as he tried to find a better grip on the child. She’d weigh nothing to him and he knew as much, but it was finding a grip. 

Omega scrambled to cling to Wrecker's large arm that offered safety, both hands letting go of the root and holding onto his hand instead. She felt herself move as he began to pull her up and a sigh of relief left her lips. Her hands slipped from Wreckers, the mix of mud and rain making it too hard to hold onto. A scream left her as her eyes closed and she braced for the icy grip of the deadly waves below. 

“No!” Not this time. He wouldn’t lose another family member. His hand shot out and gripped the first thing he felt, her shirt. With an angry yell, he allowed his body weight to pull them both back and thud into the sticky wet mud.

Warmth, fabric, safety. Omega opened her eyes and found herself in the protective grasp of her brother, both of them safe on the ground. He’d saved her, ripped her straight from the air, and certain death of the angry sea below. 

Hunter and Crosshair both supported you on one of their shoulders as the three of you finally caught up with Omega and Wrecker. A red bandana was currently wrapped around your ankle to staunch the flow of blood and protect it from any more mud. Crosshair was positive it was broken, Hunter was hopeful it was just a sprain. They’d wanted to sit and wait for Chai to run and grab one of her brothers to help get you back to the shop while they went after their siblings but you’d been decidedly against it. This was partially your fault. You should help get her back. 

“He got her.” You let out a relieved sigh at the sight of Omega in Wrecker's arms. The girl's face was currently buried in the clone's chest as her body shook, a sign she was crying. 

“Here, hold onto her. I’ll let them know you're ok.” Hunter passed you to Crosshair and nodded to you before walking carefully toward the other two. 

“So, you and Doll?” A knowing smirk was passed from you to Crosshair who rolled his eyes. 

Crosshair shifted you in his hold while chuckling deeply. “You do know I could release you and let you fall into the mud, right?” 

-*-

“There. Nice and clean.” You ran the towel over Omega locs one final time before placing the towel down and covering the girl with a blanket. You’d all been out in the mud, wind, and rain for far longer than necessary, you wouldn’t be surprised if one of you got sick. Once you’d all returned to your home it had been a few rounds of everyone showering before Crosshair took a look at your ankle. Hunter had been right, it was sprained. Much to everyone’s relief. Until the storm subsided and you were able to get to the island doctor you’d need to be off of it. Something that Wrecker was diligently seeing to. Omega knelt in front of you on the floor while you rested on the couch with your foot propped on a pillow. A blanket was laid over your lap and one of Wrecker's large long-sleeve shirts enveloped your body in a warm embrace. The big clone himself was in the kitchen making all of you warm drinks, also worried about someone getting sick. 

Omega chewed her lip as your fingers began to run through her hair, the feeling making her relax slightly. “Thank you, Stitches.” She heard you whisper ‘You’re welcome’ and the room soon fell into silence again. It was five minutes before anyone said anything, the silence being broken by Wrecker stepping in with a tray of hot milk and honey. Carefully the mug was pulled from the tray and Omega allowed the warmth of the mug to radiate through her body before finally taking a sip. The warmth of the sweet and creamy drink raced through her body in a calming surge. She needed this. The warmth gave her the courage to speak finally. “Were you really going to keep it from me?” 

You’d wondered how long it was going to be before she said something. Looking around the room at the others, you took a sip of your drink before sighing. “Sweetie, there’s something you need to understand.” The figure in front of you moved and turned around to face you. Those sweet brown eyes stared into your eyes making your heart twist. How could you have thought about lying to such an innocent child? Yes, you’d been doing it to protect her from the pain of knowing the truth. But Omega was smart for her age, she understood things better than most. You’d fallen into the trap of seeing her as a child when she was in fact an advanced clone. “Tech has a severe case of amnesia.” 

“Like Gregor had?” She looked at Hunter who nodded. “Well, that’s good then, isn’t it? Gregor got his memories back. I helped Nala Se look him over when he returned to Kamino.”  Omega looked at everyone with a happy energy. “We just need to support him and be there to help him remember, right?” 

The way she seemed so hopeful at the prospect hurt the clone Sargent’s heart. “That’s just it. It’s been six months and he hasn’t remembered anything. Kix and Echo are concerned that he may not remember anything at all.” Hunter placed the warm drink he’d taken from Wrecker down on the table. “Ever.” 

“O-Oh.” She knew all of this, didn’t she? She’d researched amnesia after hearing about Gregor and had read as much as she could. That's how she knew about being there for him and helping him to remember. No matter how she tried to search her memories though she couldn’t seem to remember anything else. 

You watched as her bottom lip slowly began to tremble. “Oh, sweetie. It’ll be ok.” Moving to get off the couch, you felt Wrecker's protective hand on your shoulder silently telling you not to move. Instead, he reached down, easily picked Omega up, and hugged her tightly. The little clone's face buried into Wrecker's chest as sobs ripped from her once more. 

Chai stood from the opposite couch and walked over to Omega. Gently she stroked her back and shushed her. “When I found out I felt the same way you’re feeling. How could I even be around him knowing he didn’t remember me?” You cleared your throat next to her and she raised her hand to calm you. She was going somewhere with this. “But Echo talked to me and told me something that put things into perspective for me. Would you like to hear what it was?” 

Omega turned her face from Wrecker's chest and looked at Chai. “Y-yes.” Chai offered her hand to her and with a small bit of hesitation, Omega tapped Wrecker indicating that she’d like to be put down. Taking Chai’s hand, she moved next to you on the couch and sat down. 

Kneeling in front of the girl, Chain reached up and adjusted the blanket around her shoulders. “Echo helped me see that if Tech doesn’t get his memories back then that means that we can make new memories together.” She let out a hum softly. “Think about it, getting to know him all over again. It could be fun. I know you’ve all been through a lot with one another.” She looked at the group as a whole. “You all have a brother's bond with him, made memories that only you know of. You’ll get to make new memories with him now, we all will.” 

“Then …” Omega chewed her lip in thought. Should she ask her the question brewing within?

“What is it, Omega?” You reached over and stroked a piece of her hair. The blonde looked at you nervously. 

Swallowing the fear inside of her, she looked back at Chai. “Then why is Chai here and not with Tech?” 

“Because..” Chai remembered what you’d said earlier that day, that she was a coward. “I’m a coward. I ran when faced with the knowledge that he may never remember me.”

“Why?” Omega knew she was asking a lot of personal questions right now, but she needed answers to so many burning questions inside of her. 

“It’s hard for me to explain. But know that I love your brother very much. I left for selfish reasons and planned on staying away because of those reasons. But being with all of you reminded me how important being there for the ones you care for is.” She took Omega's hand in hers and patted the back of it gently. “It’s Tech, he’ll get his memories back, and if not then we’ll make new ones together.” 

“So you’re gonna head back then?” You watched your friend nod at your question. “When?” It made you happy to know that she’d be going back. Tech was far too important to just give up on and avoid. Now that all of you knew he was alive and safe, you needed him to come home. 

Chai smiled softly while wiping away a stray tear from Omega’s cheek. “Probably in a week or two. I’ll try Echo again in the morning and let him know I changed my mind. Gonna stick around and help my family with the shop for a bit. My brothers have been doing the stocking and everything is a mess now.” Standing up, she stretched her arms over her head. “Maybe Omega could come with me. Seeing his sister may be what the clone needs.” 

Hunter and Crosshair both shifted awkwardly at the request. Omega hadn’t left the planet since they’d rescued her. Too worried about someone else coming after her. “Maybe.” Was all that came from Hunter before he grabbed the cup of cooking milk and honey. 

-*-

“Echo, what are you doing here?” It had been weeks since the clone had been on Pabu and nearly a week since you’d last spoken to him. Last you’d heard Tech was in some kind of Jedi trance working on getting his memories back. 

“Hey, Stitches. You still have that pile of clothes you made for Tech?” He watched as a small smile began to form on your lips. Stepping to the side he allowed another figure to stand in the doorway. 

“Stitches, it has been a while.” Tech nodded to you with, to your surprise, a smile. He extended his hand out to shake yours, another surprise.

You took the offered hand, grasped it tightly, and pulled him into a tight hug. Tears burned at your cheeks as you took in that the clone remembered you and was here on Pabu. You held him tightly for a few moments before sniffling and stepping away. “Sorry. Just happy you’re back. Come in, I’ll grab those clothes.” 

Echo chuckled while slapping Tech's shoulder firmly. “You’re not the first to hug him like that, probably won’t be the last either.” Both of them stepped in and followed you as you walked over to a linen closet in your main area. “I see Omega’s still making messes.” 

“Huh?” You looked over your shoulder at a stack of books and blankets on the floor. “Actually.” Moving a large box to the side, you found the stack of clothes perfectly folded where you left them. “That’s Wrecker’s mess.” With a happy sigh, you pulled the stack out and looked at the two clones. Tech was giving you a surprised look that made you smirk. “He didn’t tell ya that they live with me now, did he?” 

Tech crossed his arms and shook his head. “It seems Echo deemed it unnecessary for me to know such information.” 

“Thought it would be more fun for you to learn this way.” Echo took the stack from you and looked through it carefully before deciding on something for Tech to change into. “Where are they anyway?” 

“Oh that’s a good one, she liked that one a lot when I made it.” White linen pants and a cream-colored cotton top. You’d made a gorgeous cream flowing sundress for Chai to match him. Nearly every one of his outfits had a matching outfit for Chai. “Wrecker took Omega down to the docks to grab dinner. Sounds like the fishermen brought in another good haul today. Ever since the tsunami the catch has been perfect. One of the benefits of that day I guess.” You smirked at Tech. “What do you think, Tech?” 

“It is indeed a great benefit. However, I feel I may have something better.” And thus he’d come to the question that had been burning at him the entire trip to Pabu. “Will she be happy to see me?” 

Oh, how sweet was he? Walking back to him, you looked him over carefully. Stubble was beginning to form on his chin and his hair was now longer and nearly covering his eyes. At least his giggles were back. “We should clean you up a bit. Looks like you need a haircut.” Reaching up, you brushed some of his hair out of his eyes. “Tech, she’s going to be so happy to see you, she may just cry.” 

“Tech?” A small voice called from the doorway. She couldn’t believe it, he was here. Omega shakily made her way towards the clone, nervous that this was suddenly all a dream. 

Tech turned and looked at the sound of his sister's voice. With another smile, he waved to her. “Hello, Omega.” The child was suddenly in his arms and holding him in a deathly grip. If she was Wrecker’s size this may hurt, but at her size it was endearing. 

Omega felt tears run down her cheeks as she felt Tech's arms wrap around her and hold her close. This was real, he was alive and he remembered her, right? “You remember me?” 

“Of course, you are my sister after all. My vod.” Her hair had gotten longer and she seemed approximately two inches taller. Interesting how much she’d changed in the time he was gone. No longer did she dress as a clone but as a young woman. Instead of pants, she was wearing a sundress with small heeled sandals and a braid around her crown with a ribbon holding the ends together at the back of her head. “You look like you’ve settled. I am glad this place has been good for you.” 

He really did remember her! A tear-stained smile played on her lips as she continued to hold Tech. Like heck was she going to let him go anytime soon. “Wrecker! Get in here!” Still holding onto the goggled clone, she turned them both to face the door. 

“I’m coming, ‘Mega!” Wrecker ducked as he entered the house, arms holding a small crate filled with crustaceans for dinner. Smiling, Wrecker looked for a place to set the crate down when he finally registered who was standing in the room. “T-Tech?” His eyes went wide as he dropped the crate, making you squeal in happy surprise, and walked over to his brother and sister. 

“Hello, Wrecker.” There he was, the last face he’d seen before the fall. Omega didn’t move as the large clone pulled them into a tight hug. Now this was a squeeze that could injure them. 

“Wrecker, riduur, you’ll injure them.” You placed your hand on the large clone's bicep and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“S-Sorry.” Tears trickled from the corner of his eyes while he stepped back. “Tech, I’m sorry I didn’t pull you up.” The words spilled from him before he could stop them. It was like seeing his brother instantly made everything want to pour from him. 

“We were being fired upon and the rail cart was in jeopardy of falling. Understandably, you were unable to simultaneously protect Omega and pull me up at the same time. Thus while I enacted Plan ninety-nine.” Tech reached over and placed a hand on Wrecker's shoulder. Echo had explained the difficulties that Omega and Wrecker had both experienced after his supposed death. “Wrecker, my falling had nothing to do with your inability to pull me up. However, if it will help you to feel better, then I will accept your apology if you accept mine for having to watch me fall.” 

Wrecker swallowed the large lump in his throat as he nodded slowly. “Deal.” Was all that he could seem to say before he pulled his vod back into a tight hug. Tech grunted at the feeling but didn’t fight the hug, much to Wrecker’s delight. 

You blinked back tears as you watched the scene before you. Wrecker and Omega both seemed to visibly relax their shoulders and you realized that some kind of weight that neither had realized they were carrying was finally released. Beside you, Echo let out a happy sigh. Everything finally felt right. A calmness settled over the room as the three stayed in their hug for five minutes. “OK, OK. We can’t hog him all day.” 

Omega wiggled her head free from the hug and looked at you. “Why not?” She didn’t want to let her brother go.

“Because.” Echo smiled and held out the change of clothes with his good hand. “He’s got a date that he’s already late for.”

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