#not the most accurate but i think its close enough 2 giggle

[ratpappiart]

A little bit of shitpost,,, as a treat

[ineffable-suffering]

The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie

Otherwise known as (*takes a deep breath*): A completely inflated close-up look at various dialogues and events of Season 2 that prove that the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Meeting Cotillion Ball was supposed to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley

Look, the point's been made before but that's never kept me from making it myself again, still. In fact, even I made it before, at the end of one of my other metas. But I feel like it's absolutely worthy enough to get its own soppy, way-too-long post. And I do love it so very much to write ridiculously long essays on something that could easily be condensed into a short paragraph.

So, here we go! Snuggle up, get cozy, settle in and, most importantly:

(Word count: 3.177 | Reading time: ~13 minutes)

As I already said above, I laid out a similar case in my meta about why Aziraphale is somewhat of an unreliable narrator. I'll try and recycle it here briefly, so I can further make my point.

When Aziraphale arrives back in London from his Edinburgh journey, he seems oddly happy and giddy for the fact that he just had a rather odd and threatening encounter with Shax. I explain in my other meta that this is because he just spent the last hours of his drive reminiscing on the thrilling and romantic magic show adventure of 1941 and also the fact that he just found out that Crowley has been replaced by Shax and no longer works for Hell.

Ergo: We have a hopelessly lovesick Principality at our hands, who's practically swooning over his serpent who saved him, his books and his magic show all those years ago.

Ergo:

✨This✨

Realistically, Aziraphale should probably be a tad worried about the eery encounter with Shax, in which she definitely had the upper hand on him. But well, if you spend many-a hours driving across the serene countryside (Edinburgh is about an 8-hour drive from London), pondering on one of the craziest, sticky-sweet romantic adventures of your not-life life, well ... things tend to turn a little rosy around the edges. Head in the clouds and all that. Light shades of grey!

Alright, onwards: Once the angel, filled to the very brim with fond memories and butterflies, gets out of the Bentley, he's kindly met with a face full of verdant plants and a very in-character-grumpy Crowley.

Fhwack! Way to burst the rosy bubble.

Seriously, the absolute lightning speed with which Crowley storms out to vacate the bookshop the very second Aziraphale arrives makes me giggle every time.

Let's make a first small (who am I kidding) diversion into analysing the following conversation in unnecessary detail ...

... simply because I enjoy quoting dialogue as an accurate reference in my metas. I'll also highlight certain passages I want to comment on in individual colours so I can back up my thoughts with them below. Alright, their little chinwag goes as follows:

Crowley: "They you are! I was worried something might have happened to you." Aziraphale: "No, nothing happened to me. Very uneventful journey indeed. No strange things at all." Crowley: "Good. That's what we wanna hear." Aziraphale: "Um .. everything okay with- ah.." *nods to the bookshop* Crowley: "Oh, yeah, fine. He's singing to himself. I think he must have been asleep. I heard snoring coming from his bedroom–" Crowley, to the Bentley: "Did you miss me? I bet you did." Aziraphale: "... I'm sure it did." Crowley: "So, any more clues from the mystery of the missing archangel?" Aziraphale: "Not exactly. Or, if there are, I haven't yet cracked the case. But I'm certainly hot on the trail of something." Crowley: "I'm sure you are. Oh, by the way, the whole sudden rain and awning thing was a complete washout." Aziraphale: "Sorry?" Crowley: "You know, project making Nina fall in love with Maggie. I failed, it's your go." Aziraphale: "I see. Well then, Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Monthly Meeting, here we come!" Crowley: "You're really hosting the meeting?" Aziraphale: "Absolutely! And I can guarantee you, it will be a night to remember."

At first glance, this has little to do with the plot of this meta but actually, it folds into my point very nicely! However, it's not time for that yet, so we'll just state the facts as they are for now and then bring them back 'round later when we need them. That being said: For the love of Someone, will these two ever manage to simply tell each other the truth of what happened instead of thinking they can protect each other by lying about it all the time? Hrmpf. As a big fan of open communication myself, I'm close to developing a stomach ulcer with the amount of false truths being spewed here. (Then again – and yes, that is another, way larger meta I'm currently cooking up – it plays so very perfectly into the whole Jane-Austen-Pride-and-Prejudice tragic miscommunication theme that this entire Season has, so I understand the point of it.)

Very uneventful journey indeed, Aziraphale, except for the fact that you were ambushed by a demon who told you she was Crowley's successor, knows about the rumors of the two of you being an item as well as what went down in 1941 (that almost had both of you exposed) and also seems to have figured out where you and your demon boyfriend are hiding Gabriel, all in the span of about a minute. No strange things at all, nooo!

And Crowley's "Oh yeah, fine" is a total lie too. Again, we see him make an absolute run for it before Aziraphale can even enter the bookshop. After all, he just once again witnessed Jim have a Gabriel-flashback, speaking of the Second Coming, while Crowley was alone with him. As fumingly angry he is with the amnesiac archangel – he's also absolutely terrified of what might happen (to him and Aziraphale) should Jim regain his memories. So, no wonder he's quick to vacate the premises after witnessing Jim's rather eery memory flashback (and was, just like Aziraphale, threatened by Shax mere moments later, lol).

But no, nothing out of the ordinary happened to either of them. Tip-top. Absolutely tickety-fucking-boo.

Alright, let's get back on track with the actual topic of this meta. Certainly hot on the trail of something, hm? At first glance, it might seem like Aziraphale is talking about the fact that Gabriel was in company of someone whenever he went to the Resurrectionist Pub. (The clue!) However, I don't actually think he is talking about that. Why? Because, and this slipped my mind too at first, he never actually follows any of this information up, does he? Yes, sure, he went to Edinburgh, found the capital-c Clue and then returned to London. But what does he do with it? Nothing. He doesn't keep investigating this hot trail because that's not the important thing he realized during his journey. No, the more important clue Aziraphale found during his trip, is that Crowley no longer works for Hell and that he is also very much irrevocably in love with him and must confess this at the earliest given chance. (The latter part isn't necessarily a new discovery for Aziraphale, but it surely is fuelled by the fact that he just realized Crowley's out of a Hellish job and simply hasn't told him yet.)

This exchange just the perfect indicator for the fact that Aziraphale, at no point during his drive back, was thinking about the Maggie and Nina mission. He has no idea what Crowley is talking about once he mentions it and seems surprised, even, that he would. Even though they just talked about it on the phone when Aziraphale was still at the graveyard. Which is another important piece of evidence because it means that the last status update Aziraphale got of Mission Lovebirds, was that Crowley had sensed an opportunity to make them fall in love – and had then hung up on him. Why is this important? Because it means that until that very point of their conversation, Aziraphale did not know that Crowley's attempt had failed! There would have been just as much of a chance of Crowley's weather miracle actually working out and Maggie and Nina already having skipped into the sunset happily ever after.

So, riddle me this:

Why would Aziraphale spend the entire ride back from Edinburgh plotting "a night to remember" (because clearly, he already had the entire Ball planned out down to a T in his head since he goes into action right away after arriving) if he didn't even know yet that Crowley's attempt had failed?

To be very clear here: We're not talking about Aziraphale driving on the M1 to London, having a silly little idea for putting on some good music, miracle-ing Nina and Maggie to dance to it and watch them confess their love–

No.

He planned an entire actual Cotillion Ball with very particular location design that involves re-arranging the entire bookshop, specifically designed individual outfits for (almost) every single attendee, topped off with a live band, hors-d'œuvre, drinks and an actual choreographed group dance.

During one car ride.

Where's the party planner Aziraphale AU? I'm waiting!

Now, sure, we know that it's still quite important for Aziraphale to convince Heaven of the faux-reason they gave for their accidental ✨25-Lazarii miracle✨. But if we're all honest, this all seems to be a tad much just to make two random humans fall in love, even for that.

Glittery ball gowns and suits? Red and gold wall curtains? A modified language filter? Bloody vol-au-vents?

Talk about over the top ...

Once we start S2E5, Crowley is still surprised at the mere fact that Aziraphale is actually planning to organize the Monthly Meeting – and he doesn't even know yet that it's gonna be the most extravagant ball-boogaloo that the Whickber Street Community has ever seen! Aziraphale wanting to organize the meeting alone, is enough to render Crowley incredulous, because Aziraphale never mingles with the other shopkeepers. He usually actively avoids them and any sort of social encounters as much as he can because he doesn't care about the bloody Christmas lights, alright?

These things seem mundane and uninteresting to him, obviously, since all he really cares about is hoarding his book collection in peace like the little hedonist he is and drawing as little attention as possible to his none-business business.

Oh, right, speaking of books:

Let's take another unnecessarily detailed look at the whole Whickber Street invitation scene:

Aziraphale realizes very quickly that he's not the only one who's quite unenthusiastic about the blessed Chritsmas lights. And despite his very persuasive methods of temptation ...

... he has to take some more drastic measurements. And those are?

That's right: Giving away his books.

I'll repeat it again, slowly: Aziraphale is willingly (!) giving away or lending his books to pretty much complete strangers to, allegedly, make two other humans strangers fall in love.

Seriously, who is that angel and what has he done with our prim, fussy, hedonistic Aziraphale that protects his books with the vice grip of an eagle carrying his precious prey?

Believe in the importance of Mission Lovebirds as much as you will, but we're talking about Mr. A.Z. Fell here who, over the past millennia, has pretty much spent every day actively working out methods to stop people from purchasing as much as a single paperback from his holy shelves.

And yet: the 1965 September Dr. Who Annual? Given away. The first edition of Expert at the Card Table that was S. W. Erdnase's personal copy? Lent away to grubby human hands to fondle around with.

Let's do another coloured dialogue diversion (don't worry, it's not as extensive as the last one):

Crowley: "You just did what I think you did?" Aziraphale: "I'm not prepared to talk about it." Crowley: "You gave away a book." Aziraphale: "I had to! Maggie and Nina are depending on me. They just don't know it yet."

Crowley backs up my point: This is a huge deal. Aziraphale does not sell his books – let alone give them away for free. We're all shocked! Flabbergasted!

And the explanation Crowley and us get just ... doesn't satisfy. Something and someone sure is depending on this Ball and doesn't know it yet. But it's most definitely not Maggie and Nina, folks.

You know for whom Aziraphale would give away his books in the blink of an eye, though?

Mhm, that's right.

This pretty old serpent.

I want to take a minute to show you the reaction again that Aziraphale has upon entering the very same magic shop him and Crowley went to in 1941 to acquire the Bullet Catch:

You ... you need a minute there, angel? You're sure looking a little ... affected.

And I mean, well, no wonder. He reminisced about that very memory four hours last night. To him, this shop is where the most turbulent, ecstatic, adrenaline-fuelled and romantic night of his life began. And it shows.

I've made my point in my other meta series about how Aziraphale is an incredibly nostalgic character. He romanticizes so many things in his memories – especially the parts that feature Crowley. So, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that he's once again willing to loosen the tight grip he has on his book collection to get the successor of Will Goldstone's Magic Shop, the shop that started it all for him, to come to his fancy Ball.

As we watch Aziraphale and his little lap dog demon pat around Soho, I'd like to take another second to point out that he goes to seven or more establishments before he even invites Nina.

... and he only does so because she starts talking to them on the street. Almost like he'd forgotten about it. Why not ask her at the very beginning? To establish whether or not he'd have to book-blackmail her too?

"Perfectly ordinary invitation with no hidden agenda of any kind", except that he's using you and Maggie as a pretence to resolve his own clusterfuck of a relationship-miscommunication Jane-Austen-style so that he can then hopefully confess his undying love to his demon not-boyfriend boyfriend.

Marvellous!

You'll forgive me another short diversion but my God, the whole exchange at the Marguerite's restaurant with Crowley literally cat-call-whistling Aziraphale over to him (and Aziraphale checking if he meant someone else first, I–)? I am weak. So, so weak and

However, this is also when we get a snippet of Crowley finally revealing the truth in place of his "Oh, he's fine"-lie earlier and telling Aziraphale that he's actually pretty scared Jim might turn back into Gabriel and smite him altogether. And Aziraphale's response is, in a cosmic sense, (remember the pink paragraph now) so hilarious:

"Have you thought of just talking to him?"

Yeah, have you? Have any of the two of you? Just thought about talking? To each other? About anything?

'pparently not. But hey, it's all good because remember what the ultimate remedy for star-crossed lovers simply misunderstanding each other is?

Bish, bash, bosh, problem solved!

Back at the ballroom bookshop, Aziraphale sends Crowley to invite Maggie in order to, in my opinion, not spoil the Ball-y surprise for him. (Inviting Maggie only now?! Wouldn't she be one of the only two guests who really should attend? Why the short notice? If she's really that important for the Ball you're planning, hm?)

On top of this, we see Nina almost not attending the Ball meeting after her partner broke up with her and Crowley being the one who coincidentally runs into her and ushers her into the bookshop before Shax and her "legion" of demons start creeping up on them. Again, if this hadn't happened by pure coincidence, Nina would have left to go home and this whole Ball would have taken place without her, rendering the apparent sole purpose of making her fall in love with Maggie useless.

Why doesn't Aziraphale care more for both of them to attend and be there? Why is he instead busy fussing over everything looking perfect and wonderful and doesn't even seem to notice that both Nina and Maggie are really late to the meeting?

Well. Well.

The answer's in the title, babes.

Alas, Crowley safely gets Maggie and Nina to join them, Mr. Brown is the only one who doesn't get a miracled outfit (fussy, petty angel, you just don't like him, do you?), Jimbriel stuns with glamour and flirt (and whatever sexually suggestive thing he does with his cheeks) and the Whickber Street Ball is a-go!

Sorry, I just had to chuck this in again because Crowley's face here absolutely kills me every time. He looks so confused, I am hollering.

And the heart eyes Aziraphale is making at Nina and Maggie now that they're actually here?

Oh, bless it, angel.

He's all like "Oh look, it's working! Jane was right! It's all going to be resolved, all the misunderstanding and quarrels! Crowley, where's Crowley–"

Ah yes, there he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an angel who is not listening to a single word being said right now. No, in his head, Aziraphale is already down on one knee, pouring his heart out to Crowley after they just danced the night away.

Oh, yes, right. The dancing.

Parallel much?

But well, as marvellous and beautifully romantic as her stories tend to be, it turns out that Jane Austen isn't always right after all. Because before we know it, the perfect night shatters into many-a tiny pieces (literally).

And once again, fhwack:

... the rosy bubble bursts.

Let's take one more deep breath so I can make my final point:

In S2E2, Aziraphale explains to us very exactly what Jane's Balls (hrhr) used to be about: Solving miscommunication and confessing love to one another.

During his car journey back from Edinburgh, Aziraphale:

doesn't know Crowley's Mission Lovebirds had failed

remembers 1941 and just how badly he's in love with Crowley

and also realizes that they seem to have been wildly miscommunicating for quite some time now. (Crowley didn't even tell him he basically got let go!)

So, what does maddeningly strong love plus a want to resolve all the miscommunication equal? That's right: A night to remember! A Ball to change it all! A dance, a vol-au-vent, a confession. And, ideally, a happy ever after. Because:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man angel in possession of a good fortune Jane Austen collection, must be in want of a wife demon husband.”

The Ball was never for Nina and Maggie. As a byproduct, maybe, yes. But the whole rest of the glimmer and glamour, the careful, romantic planning and set up of it all, the book-bating the other shopkeepers– that was for Crowley and Crowley only.

And oh, if only it were as easy as in the books.

*whispers* I'm sorry, I had to.

***

Your honour, the tinfoil-hat crackpot defence rests. Feel free to share thoughts (and prayers) if you want to!

Au revoir! 💗

[nofearageplay]

A free sample of Diaper Discipline at the ABDL Academy Book 2: Sadie's Spanking

Read the full story now on Kindle, free with your Kindle Unlimited Subscription!

“Lay still, Sadie,” Nanny Penelope said, giggling as she lubricated a thermometer with the supplies she had in her apron. “I just want to check your bottom real quick, while I’ve got you tied down.”

I whined through the gag as I felt her part my bottom cheeks to find my back door, and easily slid the thermometer inside of me. I felt my face burn with embarrassment as I felt the thermometer spin from side to side, sliding deeper and deeper.

“I know that feels funny, doesn’t it sweetie?” Nanny Penelope said. “But it’s the most accurate way for me to make sure you’re healthy, because babies just can’t handle it any other way…”

I took several deep breaths through my nose as I looked up at her. I don’t even think she even believed I was sick, she just wanted to do this to me because she could.

Of course… it wasn’t all terrible, if my exposed privates had anything to say about it.

“Huh, what’s this I see, Sadie?” Nanny Penelope cooed. “It looks like you are a little wet down there, but not with tinkles!”

I kept breathing, and tried to keep my composure as Nanny Penelope touched my princess parts, noticing that I wasn’t just embarrassed by having my temperature taken rectally… I was turned on…

“Does baby Sadie like it when I do this?” Nanny Penelope said, twisting the thermometer, and gently pushing it in and out of my backdoor. “That’s quite the big girl feeling I see for such a little baby, is this what was bothering you, sweetie?”

NO! Well, kind of, but no! Not that this time!

I wanted to escape and curl up into a ball, but I was trapped in Nanny Penelope’s delightfully devious trap, and there was no hiding my shame.

“It’s such a pretty little kitty too,” Nanny Penelope. “Such a shame that it has to be in diapers because you’re just a little – I know lots of big girls that would love to play with this little toy of yours.”

            That’s it – they must know something! They can’t just keep teasing me like this.

            Somehow, the tears stopped. Nanny Penelope stopped my tantrum, and only her voice could be heard in the nursery as the other littles began to fall back asleep, while I was given her full attention.

            “And little girls can’t touch themselves either, that would be naughty behavior,” Nanny Penelope said. “So what should I do about this, Sadie? Should I take care of this little problem you’re having?”             There’s no way… there’s no way she actually will, right?

            Having gone over a month without a real orgasm, it wasn’t going to take much to make me cum. I never thought it would happen in a crib, with my diaper wide open and my nanny in full control, but I was this close to getting the college experience most girls dreamed of.

            Please, nanny… don’t stop.

            I closed my eyes, clenched my fists, and earnestly hoped that she’d give me a release. Maybe that would be all I needed to get through this afternoon.

            And maybe I could finally get some sleep too…

            Gently, Nanny Penelope maneuvered the thermometer to just barely touch the spots that drew my breath away. My heart raced, my blood boiled, my ears…

            BEEP BEEP BEEP!

            BEEP BEEP BEEP!

            BEEP BEEP BEEP!

            “All done!” Nanny Penelope said as she removed the thermometer. “Your temperature’s normal, so maybe you are just constipated…”

            …No… NO NO NO!

            Nanny Penelope wiped the thermometer clean with a baby wipe before putting it back into its container to be used in another little later.

            “I think that’s enough fun for you now, Sadie girl,” Nanny Penelope said. “But I can at least freshen up your baby powder to make sure that leaky little thing doesn’t cause any issues later.”

            I couldn’t believe it, she took it right out of my grasp. I was so close to maybe getting the relief I had wanted for so long…

            I couldn’t even call what I did next crying. I wailed through my pacifier as I smelled a fresh dusting of baby powder puff up towards my nose as Nanny Penelope sealed my diaper shut again.

            “Awwww, are you still a fussy girl?” Nanny Penelope teased. “I think someone is just overtired because they didn’t take their nap today, or any day really.”

            I’m not tired! I’m not a baby!!!

            “That’s right, sweetie,” Nanny Penelope continued, stroking my hair as she loomed over me. “We know that you’ve been having trouble sleeping, and we hoped that you would learn sooner why. But I guess some little girls just need to figure it out the hard way, don’t they?”

            The hard way… discipline.

            Nanny Penelope pulled out her walkie-talkie and proclaimed that I was more than ready to be taken away for a bottom busting.

            “Penelope to Natalie, your demonstration subject is nice and fussy like you asked for,” she said. “Come on over when you’re ready.”

            Straining against my restraints, I was powerless to do anything but wait for the Nanny who organized this whole situation to come and retrieve me. Nanny Penelope locked the crib bars into place and teased me once more before exiting the nursery.

            “See you later, Sadie,” she said softly. “I can’t wait to powder that little bottom once it’s nice and red this evening!”

----

Are you ready for more? Check out Diaper Discipline at the ABDL Academy Book 2: Sadie's Spanking on Amazon, available with Kindle Unlimited.

[elysianslove]

secrets that you keep; iwaizumi hajime 

synopsis; in which his best friend is secretly a camgirl. part 1, part 2 

pairings; iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

genre; smut

trigger warnings; i highly recommend reading the first two parts before this. they’re only drabbles that introduce everything! anyways, this is absolute filth. don’t read this if any of the stuff mentioned could trigger you, please! masturbation, camgirl stuff, one mention of the word ‘daddy,’ self choking, degradation, humiliation, dacryphilia, unprotected sex, creampie, a lot of choking, accidental breathplay, not proofread unfortunately 

she knows. 

does she? 

it’s an ongoing inner battle he’s been having for weeks now, ever since he’d been directed to that trending video of yours. he sees you in his dreams, hears you loud and clear, moaning and crying for him, and worst of all, he feels you, so perfectly, against his, around him, and it’s overwhelming in the worst way possible. even maintaining eye contact is tiresome at this point. 

but he does wonder whether you know or not, more often than he should— were you deliberately calling out for him, in hopes that he’d find this video somehow? or had you said it because you’d assumed this is your safe place, that there’s no way he’d be able to find these videos? had it been a slip up? or, more accurately, multiple slip ups? what were the chances anyways, that it had been an accident, or unintentional, or intentional and he had been losing sleep over it, or that he wasn’t the hajime you were crying out for? 

his heard hurt. awfully. there’s already the constant worry of regulating his breathing around you and cleansing his thoughts of anything he’d seen of you the moment you meet, but this added dilemma is in no way helping. every day that you text him for a coffee date, or a night out after a rather stressful week, or a night in at your apartment, and he agrees, his mind diverts immediately to where it shouldn’t as soon as he lays eyes on you. and the worst part of it all is how aware he is of how wrong this is. he knows it’s wrong to choose the revealing shirt over the other when you ask him for his opinion, just because he wants that effortless glance at your cleavage. it’s also so wrong of him to give a higher rating to that obscenely short dress than that other, knee length one because of the way your thighs squeeze when you sit. it’s definitely wrong of him to offer clasping your anklet, the one he’d gotten for you, the one that had been the dead giveaway to your secret online persona, just because your legs feel so soft against the rough pads of his fingers, when he resists the urge to trail upwards, upwards, upwards—

it’s fucking ridiculous. 

he can’t believe just how deep of a rabbit hole finding one of your videos is, how it’s impossible to climb out and away, and even worse, how he keeps falling deeper. the one time he decides to jerk off to porn. it’s really ridiculous. 

about a week ago, three weeks after finding that video of yours someone had uploaded— which had been taken down because of copyright, and hajime personally thinks that’s fair, considering there’s a reason you pay people to watch your videos and look through your photos, otherwise you would’ve taken the liberty to post everything for free yourself— hajime gives in, and subscribes to you. it’s with a randomized account name, something he tried his very best to make as anonymous as possible, so that it would in no way lead back to him. he doesn’t check in on your account as often, also having taken the time to turn off notifications and not have anything sent to his email, and it’s mostly out of shame. he already feels dirty enough having seen this much of you, even more that he’s fantasized about you. he’s not about to make it worse for himself.

every once in a while, though, especially days where he’s sure he’s completely free of responsibilities, he logs on, and finds your page. it just so happens that tonight, you’re hosting a live stream. swallowing his pride and shame, literally so, he shifts on his bed, sitting up straighter, and clicks to join. 

he’d been a little late apparently, because you’re already bare, sitting on a chair. your legs are lifted up, knees bent and hooked over the chair’s arms, the camera angled to show everything, from your cute eyes to the flesh of your ass. there’s a vibrator in your hand, buzzing lightly as it hovers by your clit, dipping between your folds, sliding back up again to rub lazily at your clit. beneath you, on the chair, is a small damp spot, leaking from your cunt. hajime stops himself before his jaw falls slack at the sight of you, and instead, he clears his throat, gritting his teeth and watching carefully. 

you’re not so talkative during your videos, just exclamations of pleasure and (the most beautiful of) noises, so he hadn’t expected you to be during your lives. to his surprise, you are, and it’s filthy. 

whimpering lightly, you press the vibrator harsher on your clit, your other hand traveling up to squeeze at your breast. “m’so needy,” you admit with a soft pout, adding, “want you to tell me what to do, mmh.”

he’s assuming the ‘you’ is the audience, whoever’s willing to speak up, and it’s then that he notices the chat option. his eyes flicker curiously to it, hands twitching where they sit fisted at his lap as he sees the chat explode with orders and commands and suggestions for you. 

one writes, stuff urself full, and hajime gapes. 

another commands, wanna see u cry tn, and hajime privately agrees. 

someone else writes, gonna squirt princess? 

hajime’s hands twitch again, and he frowns, digging his nails into his palms. you’re ignoring all the suggestions, and it’s obvious because you’re reading through them, mouthing some of them, giggling at some, curiously gasping, ‘oh,’ at others, eyebrow quirking. the vibrator trails down to your hole again, and you experimentally dip it inside slightly, shivering visibly as the vibrations rush through you, and the moment he hears you moan so loud, he thinks, fuck it, and his hands reach for his keyboard. 

choke yourself. 

fuck, fuck, fuck, he did not just do that. 

his heart is racing embarrassingly fast beneath his ribcage, loud and pathetically deafening in his ears as he watches your eyes read through the rest of the messages, and you’ve stopped mouthing them, your eyes are widening— which one are you at now? are you just going to ignore him? why wouldn’t you? of course you—

“you’d like that, huh?” you teasingly slur, a lazy, cheeky grin painting your lips, your teeth biting down on your lower lip and your hand— your hand— 

it’s trailing upwards, upwards, upwards, until it finds its way around your throat, resting lightly, and just as he sees your fingers squeeze at the sides of your neck slightly, carefully, you pout at the camera, looking straight at him, and asking, “like this, daddy?” 

a low fuck wheezes past his lungs, and his hand quickly presses down at the bulge in his sweatpants, squeezing and rubbing at his clothed dick as he watches you, entranced. people watching you with him have taken to thanking him for the idea, and to praising you, calling you a good girl, cursing, rapidly typing out something along the lines of you’re so hot i wanna fuck you so bad, and god, hajime hates that he relates to something as stupid as that. 

your hips roll and your head falls back, hand not once leaving your throat. if anything, your grip tightens. you click on the vibrator, and the buzzing becomes louder, your moans with it, as if you were competing. you cry and gasp and sob, writhing in your own hold, your thighs tensing and your hole clenching around nothing as you harshly rub the vibrator against your clit. your cunt gushes and drips as you bring yourself closer to your orgasm, as you cry out a string of, “m’gonna cum, so close, so close!” and a mixture of lewd curses, until finally, you cum. you’re sent over the edge, legs swinging on the chair, high pitched squeals falling from your lips— which hajime can’t decide are real or not, or whether he wants them to be or not. you thrash and cry, tears, as promised to some other watcher, dripping down your cheeks. 

the last straw however, is your comedown from your high, sobs hiccuping and muscles twitching, eyes half closed and body limp as you mewl out, “hajime, hajime, hajime,” like you’re not even aware you’re doing it. like it’s subconscious. 

hajime swears again, a deep, low, “fuck,” and looks down to find a damp spot on his lap. he really came from barely any friction, all because of you. this really is as ridiculous as it gets. 

the next time he sees you, there are the faintest of bruises on your neck. it’s not so obvious that just anyone would notice, but ever since becoming hyperaware of everything that is you and everything that you do, it’s hard not to have them be the first thing he sees. to ensure that the atmosphere between the two of you remains easy, he flicks at your neck and tuts with a smirk, asking you jokingly if you were in your hoe phase. 

“so vulgar, hajime,” you sarcastically retort, teasing him. “you like calling me mean things?” and he has to avert eye contact because all his walls crumble so quick. 

it’s just the two of you tonight, in his apartment, all your other mutual friends having cancelled at one point or another. it’s not an unusual occurrence; more often than not, the two of you are alone. however, it’s been a while since you’d been alone, privately. a while meaning ever since hajime had discovered your side hustle of a sort. he hadn’t been purposely avoiding this— no, maybe he has, but to be fair, he’s still yet to recover from the initial shock. 

it also doesn’t help that since today had meant to be a relaxing night in, you’re dressed casual, but in the hottest fucking way possible. he hopes he hadn’t been blushing as hard as he thinks, and feels, he was, when you’d first stepped into his home. on your hips is a short, black skirt, flowing out to your upper thighs, where just above your knees start a pair of dark thigh highs, squeezing at your thighs and accentuating your legs as you strut around his apartment, feet bare of any shoes or slippers. he can’t decide whether it’s cute or just plain hot. somehow, with you, it’s both. your shirt is off the shoulder, a dark, navy blue bardot, and beneath it, peeking out to rest at your collarbones, is a black bralette. he can barely just see the intricate lace designs, but it disappears and dips beneath your shirt before he can see more of it. 

you’re spread out on the couch, laying along it on your stomach, a pillow tucked in your arms and beneath your head, your clothed legs bent and swinging up in the air. he sits right by you, thigh right by your head, his body as tense as ever. it’s impossible not to be you, not with you in such close proximity to him when only a few days ago he’d watched you make yourself cum, and had heard you whimper out his name after. who can blame him, really?

with your eyes trained on the screen, he hadn’t been expecting you to speak up. 

“iwa, what type of porn do you watch?” 

he nearly chokes, eyes widening as he spares you a glance. your legs continue to swing innocently, your eyes unmoving, your voice unwavering. the suddenness of the question certainly threw him off, but it’s your nonchalance that really shocks him. but, considering everything, it really shouldn’t have. 

“uh, what?” he offers weakly, wincing slightly at the barely there crack in his voice. 

you sigh, shifting to sit up. you plant yourself on your knees, spreading them apart slightly to get comfortable, and shrugging at him. “i’m just curious,” you say. “or,” your eyes squint cautiously, your head cocking to the side slightly, “do you not watch porn?” 

challengingly, his arms lift up to cross at his chest, and he doesn’t miss the way your eyes momentarily glance at the way his biceps bulge. it makes his confidence spike slightly, nervousness ebbing away. “what type of porn do you watch?” 

you gasp dramatically, joking, “take a girl out to dinner first, my god.” he laughs, relaxing lightly at the banter, before his eyes fall back to you. you inch forward curiously, cautiously, still on your knees. now closer to him, you ask again, “seriously, i’m really curious! confirm my suspicions for me.” 

“oh?” he quirks an eyebrow. “so you think you know?” 

at this, you offer him a knowing smile, eyes slightly half lidded. you’re somehow even closer now, leaning towards him with your hands resting on the small space between you and him in the couch, helping you in lifting yourself up slightly on your knees as you say in a low voice, “baby, i think everyone knows.” 

at the sight of you by his side, he feels himself shiver, and an idea invades his mind before he can even process it. “oh, do you now?” he’s not sure where this boldness is emerging from, especially with how cautious and shameful he’d been and felt for weeks now, but he accepts it either way, because the way you’re staring at him like that, he never wants to let it go. and although he wants to drag out this intense eye contact even longer, in order to do what he wants to do, he has to break it, reaching for his phone instead. unable to contain your curiosity, you peak over, watching with confusion as he types out a link. 

the blood drains from your face when you recognize your page on his browser, and he’s logged on— he’s subscribed. 

“what type of porn do i like to watch?” he wonders rhetorically. the phone is pushed aside, and he sits up straighter so that even on your knees, he looms over you. his eyes are skimming over you, along your body, up to your neck, to your lips, to your shocked, wide eyes. and just as his hand trails up to your throat, his palm resting at the base and one finger tapping lightly, he says, “the type where my favorite girl cries out my name when she cums for the world to see.” 

the hand around your throat—

“you,” you breathe out, and finally, finally, when your brain makes sense of everything, your body relaxes, sags against him, leaning more into him until his hand’s properly wrapped around your throat. 

with your mind hazing over, you reach over, and kiss him. 

he meets you halfway, as if having expected it, lips pressing harshly against his. his hand tightens as he pulls you closer, lifting you up slightly and bringing you closer to him as his mouth parts, breathing you in, and kissing you deeper, lewder. you shiver and gasp, hands grasping at his wrist and forearm, not to push him away but rather to urge him closer, as you kiss him back just as eagerly. it seems like hours, with his hand around your neck, tight and a daunting reassurance, and your lips wet and hot against his, but eventually, his hand slides down, the other mirroring it, finding their way to your waist, squeezing and bunching at the skirt as he, with complete and utter and shocking ease, lifts you up off the couch. 

you gasp as he stands up with you, your legs quickly wrapping around his waist as he pulls you to him. as he blindly walks the two of you to his bedroom, he breathlessly asks in between your kisses, “is this— you sure this is okay?” 

with a sharp tug at his hair, you jokingly spit out, “iwa shut up.” 

he tosses you onto the bed, allowing you a minute to strip yourself of your shirt while he slips out of his own, before quickly falling above you, caging you in with his arms as he kisses you again. “not iwa,” he quietly asks of you. 

for a moment you’re confused, before everything clicks again— your slip ups— and your legs lift up, wrapping around his waist and pulling his hips closer to yours just as you mewl out, “hajime, please.” 

god, he is way easier than he thought he was. 

his entire body shudders above you, one hand lowering to push at your skirt to grind his hips down against yours until his clothed crotch meets your bare cunt and— holy fuck, holy fuck. 

“fuck, you slut.” 

you gasp at both his words and the feel of his bulge pressing down against your clit, his lips meeting your neck instead. “you do like calling me mean things,” you say, and he scoffs, his hand traveling upwards to squeeze at your breasts instead. 

“you like me calling you mean things,” he notes, and you let out a muffled moan as he pinches at your nipples through the bralette, lips biting and sucking at your neck. 

“i do,” you pant, arching up into him. “i do, i do.” his hands are fumbling at your chest, and god, they’re so large, so big and warm and harsh, it’s fogging up your brain. 

“yeah, yeah, fucking whore,” he growls, pushing himself slightly on his knees, hands tugging at the bralette. his fingers dip past, gripping the fabric tightly, and as he says, “can’t fucking— take this shit— off,” he tears through it, knuckles whitening as he pulls it away from your body, or what’s left of it. the frills of the ruined bra fall off the edge of his bed, and he watches your wide eyes and gaping mouth follow it, so he grabs at your jaw, twisting your gaze away from it and grunting a low, “shut up.” 

you pull away from the kiss, breathing heavily as you say, “that was so fucking hot, hajime,” before kissing him again. he parts his mouth as you lead him to you again, tongue easily meeting yours. 

it’s a messy kiss as he slips himself out of his sweatpants, taking his boxers with it and discarding them somewhere in his room. his cock slaps against his stomach, a single string of precum messily staining his tan abs. your eyes are quick to gaze down, lips painted a dazzling grin as his hand finds his cock, squeezing at the head and smearing his precum along. 

“knew you were fucking big,” you gasp, eyes trained on him as he strokes himself above you, and he is. he’s so big, thick and heavy, and veiny and your mouth waters at how that’s going to feel when inside of you, stretching you out so good, so much better than any of the toys you had at home. “i thought,” a squeal hiccups out of you as both of his hands grab at your hips from beneath your skirt, one sticky and warmer than the other, “about you all the time.” 

your confession draws his attention, and when he’s pulled you close enough, two of his fingers trail to your cunt, quirking an, “oh?” just as he dips his fingers inside. the lack of resistance he’s met with is surprising, and he chokes out, “did you stretch yourself out before coming here? fuck yourself on some fake cock?” 

tightlipped, you moan, brows furrowed and back arched into him. god, his fingers were not enough. “yes, yes,” you gasp, head falling back. despite not needing to, he still fingers you, his thick digits fucking into you slowly, driving you insane by the second. “yes, i— pretended t’was you,” you whine loudly. at your words, he curls his fingers inside of you, twisting his wrist and pressing his palm directly on your clit. 

“do you always?” he lowly asks, dipping closer to you as he fucks his fingers deeper. his fingers were inside of you, the cunt he’d spent over a month marveling at through a screen, the pretty pussy his dick had drooled over for hours. you’re real, as real as ever beneath him falling apart, making a mess of your black skirt, drenching it with your arousal. 

you moan out a hum, nodding dumbly as his fingers vibrate with the intensity of speed inside of you, your toes curling in your thigh highs and face twisting to press into his mattress. “always,” you cry out, like a promise. “always think of you— hajime!”

it’s an unexpected orgasm, hitting you so fast and quick that it’s outright dizzying. it has you lifting your hips up into his fingers and palm, grinding and trembling, your legs falling and spreading open, shaking wildly by your side and above you as he fucks you through the orgasm. 

“hajime, hajime, hajime,” you chant, words trailing off into tiny sobs and shuddering breaths as your hips slowly fall back onto the bed, body still trembling with aftershocks. 

you’re fucked out beyond words already that you genuinely don’t feel a thing until he’s pressing inside of you, the fat head of his cock stretching you out. he’s really no match for your toys, and if seeing him hadn’t been enough confirmation, the feel of him pressing inside of you definitely is. he doesn’t ease himself in slowly, urgently grabbing the back of your thighs with either hand, keeping your legs spread for him as he bottoms out. 

“fuck, fuck, knew you’d feel so good,” he grunts, brows furrowed harshly as he digs his fingers deeper against the flesh of your thighs, forcing your legs closer to your chest, and somehow pushing himself even deeper within you. you whine and mewl, toes curling and uncurling and legs trembling. “knew it the moment i saw your pretty pussy creamin’ around that thick cock.” 

at the reminder that he’s watched and witnessed you, multiple times, that he’s subscribed to you willingly and curiously, you clench down around him. you feel him twitch inside of you, groaning loudly as he falls closer to you, your legs falling to his waist. 

“you like knowing i was watching you?” he sneers, his hand reaching up and gripping at your face, squishing your cheeks and forcing a pout on your lips. your eyes nearly fucking cross as he rams into you, his fingers digging into your jaw. “you like that i fucked my fist every night to you? to your pretty cunt and your pretty noises and your pretty face— yes, good girl, that one.” 

your eyes do cross this time, spurred on by his words, your tongue peaking out through the small gap he allows with how harsh he’s gripping your face. he’s pushing out little mewls and cries from you, but otherwise, you quite honestly feel braindead. 

“fuck, you’re a gorgeous little slut,” he gasps. “all mine to fuck and use.”

you’re quick to nod rapidly, whining and moaning for him as you grip at his biceps. you’re choking on your breath as you struggle to keep up with him while he fucks you into the mattress, so fucking hard and rough that you’re sure there’ll be an indentation of you once you leave. you can feel your cunt gushing, and you can hear it too, squelching loudly with every thrust of his hips, every time his cock fucks into you. your skirt feels sticky and gross, and so does the rest of you, but you’ve never, never, felt this euphoric, this blissed out. 

your stomach tightens impossibly, the tension gradually increasing as your walls tightly squeeze and clench at his cock. slowly and surely, the pressure within you increases, your hands flying to hajime’s arm, the arm whose hand grips your face, which quickly moves to your throat at your simple gasping warning that you were close. 

“gonna cum, gonna cum, hajime, fuck!” 

he tightens his grip, pressing harsher on the sides of your neck as your eyes shut tightly, your head falling back once more. 

“yeah, come on, show me how pretty you look cumming on a real cock,” he whispers by your ear, using the hand that’s around your throat to lift up your head, before roughly pushing it back down, squeezing tighter. “you like it this rough?— shit, shit, you’re tightening.” 

you scream, voice cracking and broken as he slams into you again, his hips grinding against yours momentarily, pelvis hitting your clit— and you’re gone, thrashing in his hold, fat tears streaming down your cheeks as you sob and heave, your body shaking uncontrollably beneath him, hips shaking as your orgasm rocks through you. it’s not a few seconds later that he’s spilling inside of you, accidentally pressing his palm down against your throat as he cums, blocking your airway momentarily. 

“hngh,” he gasps deeply, cock twitching inside of you as he cums, hips barely grinding. you’re gasping, a little painfully, struggling to take in any air as he blinks dazedly, before he finally takes notice. “shit, shit, i’m sorry.” 

his hand flies away from your throat, and you inhale sharply, coughing lightly as air fills your lungs all too suddenly. the strength of this man, holy fuck. 

“i’m so sorry; are you okay?” 

chest still heaving, you fall onto the bed, body relaxing as you try and regulate your breathing. “s’okay, i’m okay,” you reassure him, hands reaching up to pat at his cheeks and comb through his messy, sweaty hair. 

he leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead, and it’s so endearing that you nearly forget he’s still inside of you. but you feel the shift of his cock, feel his cum slowly start to ooze out of your cunt, and he winces from the oversensitivity, shifting away to instead pull out of you. his soft cock falls from your cunt, a steady flow of his cum following. hajime has to physically resist from reaching out to fuck it back into you. 

“i’m sorry i wasn’t careful ‘nough with the—“ he makes a gesture with his hands around his neck, “—the choking.” 

you laugh lightly, tiredly, hands slowly caressing at his sweaty biceps. “stop apologizing,” you reassure him again, shrugging with a small smile as you add, “just be more careful next time.” 

his breath gets caught in his chest, and he only softly exhales when he falls on the bed, to your side, carefully repeating, “next time.” 

from beside him, you lift yourself up on your side on your elbow, palm cradling your head, trying your best not to wince in pain. “hajime?” 

he spares you a glance as he mumbles, “hm?” opting to stare at the ceiling and contemplate whether what had just happened was real life or not. 

“do you wanna do a video with me?” 

he all but chokes. 

end note; please this took me like 4+ hours. please please please don’t flop, and more importantly, i really hope i don’t disappoint. i know this has been a long awaited piece, so i’m praying and hoping you guys love it. 

love you all, mwah <3 

[notnctu]

POV | PART TWO

━ ❝ i’d love to see me from your point of view.❞

❀ lee donghyuck x fem!reader ❀ genre - slow burn, fluff! angst, (optional smut is marked with ****) ❀ details - best friends to lovers!au, college!au, ft. best friend mark, slice of life?, inspo by pov by ariana grande ❀ word count - 6.1k ❀ warnings - swearing, dangerous reckless behavior, fingering, penetration, public?sex?, unprotected, slight dirty talk ❀ synopsis - Donghyuck gradually falls in love with you, his best friend, through unprecedented intimate moments that reveal more than what meets the eye and a drunken shared kiss on your birthday makes him realize how hard he’s fallen for you. You’re oblivious to it all, trying to indulge and seek a one true love through bad tinder hookups or men you meet at the club, all to only end in self doubt that Donghyuck has to reconcile. And he always tells you what you need to hear, while also leaving out the part where he so badly wishes you can love yourself the way he loves you.

❀ a/n - make sure you read the first part as it’s a continuation! please please leave me feedback, i would really appreciate it :) this is going to be my last long fic for the time being! thanks for dealing with my spam for the past few weeks after months no of writings <3

READ PART ONE

Donghyuck thought about that kiss every night since it happened, yet knowing you didn’t do the same. How unfortunate it was, when he panicked waking next to you in the morning and wondering if you were to confront him about it. However, there was nothing, no follow up. You didn’t remember it and he couldn’t tell if the sigh that left his mouth that morning was out of relief or despair. 

Regardless, that became his epiphany and the more his love for you grew, the more he wished to be around you for all his days. Donghyuck jumped at every text message, picking up the phone to see if it was you and noting the disappointment in his heart whenever it wasn’t. He found himself smiling whenever your name was brought up, fondly thinking of how you make his heart race. 

The moments that you were together, he swears on every universe that he’s the happiest he’s ever been. There’s something about you that makes him want to believe in love, and it’s not because of your unrealistic desires to find one. As selfish as he came to be, he wanted you all to himself and to be the sole reason behind your smiles.

“No Mark?” Asking as you hop into Donghyuck’s car, the clock on his dash reading the red digital numbers 2:12 A.M. 

“Why can’t we just hang out for once?” He whines, but hopes that it’s playful enough to where you can’t tell that he’s actually serious. Donghyuck hears your melodic chuckle and everything inside him rumbles with glee and satisfaction. 

He steals quick peeks over at you in the passenger seat, greedily taking in your appearance. “That’s not exactly how a throuple works, but I’ll let it pass. Mark never has time for us anyways.” 

There is something so intimate about the late nights; the outside world is dead in its sleep and vulnerable to chaos. The streets are completely empty and it truly feels as if it’s you two against the city. It brings no regulations, easy escapes, staying up all night to feel something the day can’t give you. 

You are the perfect person to spend them with. You’re the very definition of a good feeling, where he’s forgetting all his bad days and soaring through the heavens. The most accurate human form of excitement, the adrenaline and sweetest thrills that run throughout his body. 

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to do…” As Donghyuck pulls into a gas station parking lot, the small convenient store is brightly lit with a blinding white sign that reads a popular chain establishment. 

Hyuck blinks at you curiously, head tilt and waiting for you to finish your sentence. Getting out of the car, you stand on your toes and rest your chin on the roof of his car to speak directly to him, “you know that big intersection over on 34th Boulevard?” He catches the mischievous twinkle that shines in your eyes and a grin so fearless fits your face perfectly.

He nods, spinning his car keys on his finger and walking up to the store. But he’s looking back at you with eyes that ask for you to proceed with him, and you’re running towards him with a sudden youthful energy and a jump in your step. 

Your hand latches onto his arm and his gaze drops momentarily to follow it, “I’ve always wanted to just run down the middle of it. To run down a busy traffic area when it’s empty, knowing that this would be the only opportunity to do it without getting run over.” 

“Is that what you’re suggesting we should do next?” Hyuck opens the fridge and grabs his favorite prepackaged ice cream cone. Your grip on his sleeve tightens, your dazzling eyes never leaving his.

He hands you a random popsicle and you take it mindlessly, your train of thought still trying to convince Hyuck to embark on achieving this new thrill of yours. “If you didn’t have anything else planned…”

“Am I some Fairy Godmother? Granting your wishes to come true?” Using sarcasm to hide his undying desire to scream yes! may be the best thing he’s learned to utilize. However, you don’t need to beg any more when a small smile curves at his lips. He’s more than convinced.

“Ah, a happy couple. You two look great together.” The rather talkative cashier compliments while he rings up the icey treats. 

Just before Hyuck can clarify, you’re pulling him closer by the arm and using your fake saccharine smile. “The best boyfriend ever!” His throat freezes, but he’s following your lead closely. Confusion wandering his thoughts, but heart swelling at your usage of the word boyfriend to reference him. 

The friendly stranger laughs wholeheartedly at your giddy act, completely falling for your overplayed nature of a lovey dovey girlfriend. “He always buys me what I want, like this ice cream. He knows it’s my favorite.” You blink innocently up at him, but he finally understands your malicious motive.

Shooting a glare at you, he complies silently and pulls out his card to pay for both of your treats. “Right. Anything my baby wants.” He says the pet name so easily that it shocks him a bit. 

“Hey, you’re a good man.” The clueless cashier smiles even wider and prints the receipt. With a simple gratitude, you both exit the store and you’re laughing the loudest form of mockery.

Jumping into the car, Hyuck is quick to roll his eyes. “He always buys me what I want.” He imitates your previous statement with a silly voice. “I can’t believe you robbed me.” 

The ridiculous scheme actually managed to work, leaving your stomach to hurt from the intense fit of giggles. “My baby? Where did you learn that?” You say between your spurts of laughter.

Heat rises up his neck, slightly embarrassed. “So what? Nicknames are cute.” He admits bashfully, while shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. 

Your chuckles die down and you’re leaning over the middle console to get a closer look of his expression. “Really? Didn’t think you were the type. You never used them with your exes.” 

“Around you.” A cringe runs down your spine when you witness Hyuck bite his ice cream, settling back in your seat with a grumble.

“Pet names in private.” Now, his palms grow a bit slick with perspiration. “That’s endearing.” Unwrapping your melting popsicle, you don’t probe him more about the subject. Instead, Hyuck turns up the stereo to drown out any more talk about romantic gestures.

After several rounds of finding street parking, Hyuck finally swerves into a spot situated just before the large six-way intersection. The traffic lights blink in view at the end of the street and in the darkness, there are no cars around. An unfamiliar scene, this place is nothing but a wide open road with five lanes that meet in the middle and lead to six different directions. The white painted lines that divide up the road are as chaotic as it looks during the day filled with traffic.

Nonetheless, you are right. There is no other chance to see it so dead, so empty, so free. 

And you’re already hopping out of the car that Hyuck breaks his daydream and hurries after you. Standing the middle of the road is a dangerous scheme, yet these are the thrill seeking moments that you crave too well. 

Extending your arm out and your palm facing the night sky, you grin enticingly at Hyuck to join you in the middle of the chaotic lines and the adrenaline picks up within him. He, too, matches your smile and lets every form of enthusiasm fuel him. 

“Race you to the end.” Hyuck begins bolting down the long runway, causing you to scoff in disbelief at his sudden challenge. 

The wind that takes flight against his body is crisp on his skin and driving his strands into a wild mess. Turning around, he sees that you’re quick on his tail. However, the one thing that catches his eye… the one thing that makes this moment another one of your most beautiful ones is the utter bliss and peace in your facial expression. 

Eyes are closed and arms are spread out as if you’re letting the wind carry you away. The air slips between the spaces of your fingers and the night is filled with nothing, but your gentle out of breath giggles. 

Donghyuck stops in his tracks right under the colorful traffic lights at your astonishing image. And if you are to open your eyes, you’ll see the marvelous image of your sun waiting for you in the middle of the largest intersection of the city with his mouth slightly agape and marked under a trance.

An exasperated sigh escapes as a puff of smoke and his heart works extra hard to pump oxygen in his veins. In his perspective, the excellent city skyline at the horizon remains your background and you’re running toward him with a breathless joy. Another splitting breathtaking image that will live in his mind for as long as he knows you.

So he throws caution to the wind and though it feels too good to be true, he loves his best friend more than anyone he’s ever come across.

By the end of your rendezvous, you two find a secret rooftop to fully enjoy your silent city. Standing side by side, you both lean with your elbows on the ledge. 

There is something so unspoken and intimate about this very moment, where existing in each other’s presences becomes wholly more comfortable than anything in the world. And this safety allows for vulnerable secrets to spill, for questions that your heart has always been afraid to ask to fall from your lips. 

But you’re not here with just anybody. Donghyuck probably knew what was already on your mind, he just needed you to speak them into existence.

“Hyuck, do you think I’m unlovable?” 

Perhaps, it’s the intimacy that allows for him to talk more confidently about how he views you. Heart over mind, he scoffs in disbelief. “Absolutely not. You’re the most lovable person I know! From your happy giggles to your overall easy going aura. We’re not perfect people, but you’re worth every glance and every praise. I wanted to be with you the very moment you made me laugh.” 

Donghyuck passionately rambles on about your attributes and everything you’ve allowed him to experience over the years of your friendship. While he’s always been there for you, you’re always by his side and making sure he’s living a memorable life. He thanks all his sweetest memories to you, that you are the most impactful person of his entire college experience.

“I came to college thinking I’d have my nose in textbooks all day long, but you fell into my life like an opportunity to escape. I love my nights trying to crush Mark on the leaderboards, but I’d give that up any day to run down a major intersection in the middle of the city with you.” 

With a playful soft chuckle, you say something that practically makes his heart stop and regret oversharing. “You know, from how you describe me… it almost sounds like you’re in love with me.”

“Maybe I am.” He bites the inside of his cheek, unsure what suddenly overcame him. His heartbeat pounds in his ears and he’s anticipating your response, trying every way to decipher the quizzical look on your face. Nevertheless, your hesitation causes him to panic and he intercepts before you can respond. “I meant that as your friend.” 

His heart drops into the pit of his stomach, gaze averting away from you. Lies. Lies. More fucking lies. He should’ve waited to see what you would’ve said. 

Nodding knowingly, you lightly place your hand over his. The warmth of your touch soothes his aching and disappointment. Why is he hurting from a simple look? “I know.” He can’t tell what’s worse, the fact that you truly believe he only loves you as a friend or that you saw right through him and are trying to let him save face. 

“Something happened the night of your birthday that I think I should tell you.” Hyuck sighs out all his frustrations. 

He pulls his hand from underneath yours, “you asked me to kiss you as a birthday favor.” There is no confidence to watch your reaction, his eyes remain focused on the dark city. 

Instead of a painstaking rejection, you laugh wholeheartedly and somehow, he feels much lighter. “And did you?”

“How could I say no to you on your birthday?” Peering over, your fingers softly graze your lips and a wandering look is present in your dazed stare.

“It’s not the first time we’ve kissed, Hyuck.” Smiling at him, Hyuck looks cluelessly at you and doesn’t recall another time. He would’ve remembered. 

“Guess who I stole that same request from?” Your eye lashes bat firmly at him and he gulps at your implied question. There was no way.

“Me? When?” This all causes him to rack his brain of lost files, something he must’ve missed.

Sighing, you bid him a kind smile. “Your birthday party a few months ago. Drunk out of your living mind, you pulled me privately into the kitchen and asked if I could kiss you as a birthday gift.” 

Fuck, no wonder why he couldn’t remember. He didn’t remember a single thing from that night. “It was right after my break up.” 

Nodding, you affirm his realization. “You told me that you felt so lonely, and somehow…. someway… I’ve always made you feel seen. Perhaps, you do the same for me and my drunk ass was bold enough to ask for a similar request.” 

But did you kiss him as if you loved him? With the same amount of love that he did the night of your birthday? 

Nonetheless, you shrug off the topic and move on from it all. “We should go, the sun comes up in a few.” 

Hyuck notes this odd detail. You’re not one to end the nights so abruptly, so it almost seemed as if you didn’t want to speak more about it. 

Perhaps, you did kiss him like you meant it but every fear in your body about loving your best friend stops you from admitting it all. 

Because you shouldn’t love your best friend, but something deep down has always wanted to.

How ridiculous he was to believe that you could ever possibly share the same feelings as him. How foolish he felt the moment you burst into his apartment announcing how you’ve finally found the one after another random Tinder date. 

It’s as the night on the rooftop a week ago didn’t even exist or mean anything to you. But that night ate him up alive, to the point where he sought out love counseling from Mark.

“Oh dude, this is serious.” Mark watches Hyuck pace the room, double around the floorplan with his head in his hands with utter frustration and confusion. You’re the only thing that’s been running through his mind the last few days. 

He grunts and rolls his eyes at how Mark’s face had fallen sullen. “I practically confessed everything I loved about her. It’s pretty serious.”

Mark stands and stops Hyuck by the shoulders, looking dead into his eyes. “I’ve liked her before too and would have done some dumb act to get her to like me back. I get it, Hyuck. So, what do you want to do?”

Donghyuck initially scoffs and tears away from his best friend’s intense stare, “of course you liked her too.” His voice fades out at the end of his sentence. “Mark, I like her so much it’s hard to look at anyone else. She’s…”

“Mesmerizing?” Mark finishes his sentence with a small proud grin on his lips. 

Hyuck couldn’t hold the ridiculous laugh that escapes at how smug Mark looks, but then a silence falls over him. He realizes how perfect that word is to describe you. You are every dazzling trance he’d fawn under. 

“It’s wrong, Mark. She’s our best friend, I can’t ruin us.” Hyuck slumps his shoulders forward and a pout extends. His eyes are wandering the ugly carpet but he’s thinking about every moment you’ve smiled. 

“How did this happen in the first place? I thought you never would’ve liked her…” Mark’s question has Hyuck raking his brain to find his epiphany. “It’s not about your ex, is it? y/n is way too good to be a rebound.” 

“No. This has nothing to do with my old relationships, I genuinely like her… so much.” Hyuck understands the implications in Mark’s sudden abrasive questions. Even it’s difficult for himself to say how it all started and so this has Donghyuck reflecting back on his entire friendship with you.

If only he had noticed your lively smiles sooner, a little earlier, it would have saved him all this time searching for someone who would last. You’ve lasted through every college relationship he’s had and that speaks louder than any confession. 

“I never liked her because I never thought I had a chance. Have you seen her? Our best friend who has 400 matches on Tinder.” Though he blames himself for realizing a little late that he loved you, it was always hard to compete with everyone else. 

“So, what changed then?” 

Hyuck leans against the door to Mark’s room and crosses his arms to contemplate. “Not that I have a chance now, but I can’t hold these feelings back anymore. I want to kiss her until we’re out of breath, to love without any conditions, to be the reason behind her every beautiful moment.” 

Mark raises a confused eyebrow, “but you are.”

“The only reason.” Hyuck speaks his truest desires and Mark coughs aggressively before composing himself. Right, he didn’t stutter one bit. 

So, Hyuck had planned to confess, all until you gave him the very reason he couldn’t. When you showed up unannounced with one of those wide grins that has your eyes shimmering with hope, he just knew something was wrong. All his love and future aspirations were replaced with sheer disappointment and envy.

“I’m falling hard for him.” You begin and your hands are clasped together so innocently. “He brought me to this overlook on a cliff and we just talked for ages. It felt so right and then, he asked to see me again!” Your eyes are completely wondrous and distracted, like the one thought in your mind blocked out everything else. Jumping happily, you’re squealing with excitement thinking about this new person in your life and there is no consideration of Hyuck’s silence.

“That’s… great.” He barely stutters to fill the air and to replace the sound of his heart breaking. He lost you before even getting the chance to even have you. 

“I know right!” You yell joyfully and though your smile is the biggest it's ever been, Hyuck refuses to see this moment as beautiful. He’s no longer looking at you objectively, his bias tainting it all and he sees it in an ugly light. As your best friend, he should be happy for you and rooting for you. He’s known more than anyone else that you have been waiting for someone like this your whole college experience.

However, he can’t feel a single good emotion as you ramble on about your alleged one true love.

“Did you need something?” He cuts you off, growing a bit irritated by your endless praise about a man who never wishes to meet.

Clearing your throat, you take Hyuck’s hand in both of your palms. With begging eyes, you say, “my sister is getting married this weekend and they invited you. 

His hold escapes yours as he walks toward his bedroom, “shouldn’t you invite your new man to your family events now.” It’s difficult for him to hide the bitterness in his voice, but you run up to him and grip his arm. 

“But they think I’m dating you, remember? Plus, my mom referred to you by name. She really likes you.” You snicker, clearly not understanding why Donghyuck seems to be rather distant at the moment.

His ears perk up at the compliment and though it’s a selfish thought, he feels content knowing that he was able to win over your family. So, his heart burns at how your hand slowly travels down to intertwine with his own and how your chin rests on his shoulder lightly. His head turns and he is met a few inches away from your tender lips. For a brief moment, he’s staring at them longer than he should. 

“Come on, Hyuck. Be mine for one more time.” Your whisper is gentle and soft, your breath tickling against his cheek. Despite everything, he loves how you make him feel. It’s always a mixture of happiness and safety. There are no fears with you because you’re absolutely fearless. He can’t imagine how he would’ve opened up without you around, that he puts every form of trust into you. 

So, every little thing that you do. every single passing look. every touch and every spoken word. He falls harder for you every time you simply see him, every time you bat your eyelashes at him. And this love that festers inside of him feels easy and genuine. Perhaps, you’ve been his one true love all along. He’s never felt remarkably seen, where every part is exposed and right at your fingertips. 

And you… have been so patiently waiting for just anyone to steal your heart. How can he let just anyone love you? 

“I’m yours for however long you want me to be.” He lightly ruffles the top of your hair before slightly shrugging you off, afraid that your hold will eventually have him saying other sweet implications. “But don’t expect me to enjoy it.” He smirks at your small chuckle, the roll in your eyes.

“At least pretend.” But he really doesn’t have to. He enjoys every moment being yours. 

When the day finally arrived, the grand wedding may have been another day that Hyuck will never forget how beautiful you looked. Prancing out in your bridesmaid dress, you run towards him through the large field of fake grass. He catches you when you jump into his arms, practically failing all over and tripping over the ends of your chiffon dress. He hits the ground, cushioning your fall. 

“Hey..” you grin down at him breathless, hand resting perfectly on his chest as it was the night of your 21st again.

Hyuck gulps and sends you a glare, “I should have dropped you.” 

“That would have been very chivalrous of you.” Sarcasm bites back at him as you push up and off of him. He’s quick on his feet and brushing off any dust from the bottom of your expensive dress, avoiding the long open slit that runs down to expose one leg.

“Donghyuck, you’re looking ravishing.” Your mother steps out, tall and prideful, but with the most delightful expression as she opens her arms to invite him into a hug. 

He leans into it, while cautiously making suspicious eye contact with you. You shrug back, also confused at why your mother has a sudden change in demeanor. “It’s been so long since the holidays.”

“It’s a pleasure to see you again.” He bids your mother a respectful smile when she pulls away, to which she absolutely fawns at and you’re tugging at his sleeve to drag him away.

“The pleasure is all mine. You make y/n a better person.” And there is no context that Hyuck understands this single phrase before he’s walking away from your force. Your mother waves a small sweet goodbye as she watches you two leave behind a cobblestone wall behind the large reception building.

It’s covered in long vines that grow up the old stones, a beautiful background for an outdoor wedding. “Rude.” He whispers when you finally stop pulling him away.

“She was starting to say odd things.” You laugh, quite nervously actually. Nonetheless, you shake out of your nerves and a beaming expression replaces your troubles. “So, guess what? I’m meeting my man afterwards.” Yet again, the curve of your lips at the thought of another rumbles his own yearning heart.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he looks down while kicking at the loose pebbles on the ground. “Good for you.” grumbles Donghyuck mindlessly.

You don’t notice his low spirits again, you’re talking away about this man as if he’s all you’re consumed with nowadays. On and on, the same speech about how you’re practically ready to give it your all and how he fits someone unimaginable. Eventually, Donghyuck becomes fed up by how your eyes blink up to the sun with another reflection in them. “It’s like you forget who you are when you’re with someone new.” 

And you’re in mid-ramble when you hear his harsh comment that picks aggressively at your skin. It stings, “what?” You cross your arms defensively and raise an eyebrow at him. The tone in your voice is jarringly upset and he opened a can of worms that he isn’t ready for.

Donghyuck swears underneath his breath, looking away at the tall trees behind the small parking lot. “Forget it.” He mumbles, rather frustrated at himself for ticking you off.

“What are you implying?” 

“There is someone that actually makes you a better person rather than someone completely different.” He scoffs, his emotions fueling the worst of him. The words flow from his mouth full of anger and spitefulness. 

Your eyes narrow at him, crossing your arms defensively. “Like you can give me the love you think I deserve? This whole fake boyfriend gimmick has gone too much to your head.”

And his heart is bursting at the seams and all he can see is your angry expression, so he says something he never hopes to regret. Every impulse beats his rationality and in the heat of the moment, Donghyuck confesses, “if only you can see yourself from my point of view and all the emotions I feel when I look at you.” 

With a sharp intake of breath, you’re slightly shocked at his bold statement. You blink cluelessly at him, speechless and deciphering how to respond. The anger fades from the both of you, knowing that the connection you two possess is mutual. Somewhere deep down within you, a light switches on and you’re basking in your sun’s radiance in this moment. 

“Tell me about it.” Your curiosity brings much confusion, but he doesn’t wait a second of hesitation. 

“Happiness, you light up my nights in dark cars with your smile. Trust, there is no one else I’d run down a dangerous intersection with. Courage, being bold enough to dance in a crowded room like no one was watching. Love, when kissing you felt incomparable to anything else in the world. Vulnerability, looking at you and knowing everything about you.” 

Donghyuck takes a cautious step forward toward you. A whirl of thoughts and emotions overwhelmingly flood your heavy mind, but fear no longer holds you back from the one person you’ve always wished to love, harder than any person you’ve ever encountered. “Donghyuck.” 

He freezes at the call of his name, waiting patiently for your next words. “I want to love me the way that you love me... because nobody loves me like you do… even myself. So, I’d love to see me from your point of view.” 

Donghyuck releases the sigh that suffocates him and every firework lights up in his chest. His eyes wander across your canvas and absorb everything wondrous about your features. Even though you’re not entirely smiling, you’re puckering your lips cutely out of embarrassment. And he reassesses how pretty you simply look in your expensive formal chiffon dress and the bold color on your lips that has made you feel good before. 

He thinks aloud, the words leaving his mouth before they can be stopped. “This is your most beautiful moment.” 

When you’re looking up at him to meet his dreamy gaze, a new enthusiasm washes over your entire body. Looking rather inexplicably attractive in his suit, Hyuck stares at you as if you’re all he can see. So, you pull him into the only source of gratitude you can give. A kiss that gives every emotion back to him, one that resembles closely to the one he gave you on your birthday and the one you gave him for his. 

An emotional kiss that tells him more than he can see. He feels it on the tip of your tongue and every ounce of love that rushes over the both of you.

***********

Donghyuck’s wandering hands travel down your waist, over your hips, all until it reaches in between the slit of your dress. His hand instinctively grips at your naked thigh, the feeling of your raw skin driving him wild with impure thoughts. Your hands are quick on his tie, loosening it from around his collar and unbuttoning the first few as you’ve done once before.

“Can,-- Is it okay if--?” Hungry eyes search his face for confirmation, but you’re so lust driven that you’re a stuttering mess. “Do you want this?” 

“Yes.” Says Hyuck without any hesitation. Taking his hand, you’re quick to lead him inside to a more secluded part of the venue. The lavish private bathrooms are brightly lit and he lifts you on top of the marble counters.

“The reception starts in 20 minutes.” You moan as Hyuck kisses down your neck hastily, a hand up the slit of your dress to push your panties aside.

“We’ll make it quick then. I’ll show you love another day.” His knuckle lightly grazes against your erect clit and your grip on his shoulder tightens. Whimpers fall from your lips as your hips mindlessly grind into his hand. “Never took you the type to be so loud.” Hyuck raises an eyebrow and tilts his head mockingly at you.

“This isn’t even close to how loud I can get.” Your statement causes him to swallow hard. Being your best friend, he has kept a rather clear mind from any sexual attraction toward you. He had to know he loved you in order to even see you in that way. 

Gathering your slick, he rubs your clit with two fingers before dipping them into your hole. You lean back into the mirror and prop your feet on the counter to spread open for Hyuck to see. “You let all these idiots fuck your pretty pussy? They don’t deserve you, as a person or a potential partner.” He fingers you deeper and with flicking motions, he hits your sweet spot and causes you to jolt.

“Please, just fuck me. I’ve always wondered how good you’d feel.” His eyes twinkle at your bashful confession, but understands your lustful desires even for your own best friend.

“You think about fucking me?” He asks abruptly, taking his fingers out to suck your juices clean from them. A coined flattered smirk appears on his lips as he unbuckles his belt.

You’re averting eye contact, “well no, maybe just once. I get horny when I’m drunk sometimes.” You admit and he’s rushing to take himself out of his restrictive dress pants. His dick hits the air and he adjusts closer to your dripping core.

And he enters, slowly and slowly inching in so you can adhere to his size. You bite back every yell of pleasure and grip the ends of his dress shirt. Hyuck fills you up deliciously, and you two are connected through bodies beyond any way before. He leans in to give you a sloppy, yet passionate kiss before dragging out his hips and pushing them back in.

There is no guilt, no pain, no sorrows. Knowing Hyuck, he fucks you in the same way he wishes to love you. His hips drive into you passionately and quickly. The time crunch being something that causes him great distraction, but his heart is swelling simply feeling your warmth wrap around him so well.

“My baby is so tight.” Pet names in private. A small grin appears on your face at the sound of the sweet nickname and you pull him closer by tugging his shirt.

“Harder, Hyuck. Don’t hold back anymore.” Moan after moan, Hyuck relentlessly drills into you. His arm is hooked underneath your left thigh to keep it up, and your head keeps banging against the mirror.

Your eyes roll back when his thumb rubs circles on your aching clit. The mixture of both pleasures stimulate you until the build up tension in your stomach begins to reach its peak.

“Cum, I know you fucking want to.” He grunts, keeping the same rhythm that pushes you over your edge. Your walls squeeze around him tightly as your legs shake sporadically from your release. You’re smart to cover your mouth, knowing that the bathroom will only echo your erotic sounds. Your chest rises and falls from the momentum and adrenaline that Hyuck helped you reach, breathlessly trying to calm your heart rate down.

After a few more harsh bumps, he pulls out and motions you forward. Jumping off of the counter, you kneel on the ground and suck his tip lightly. Your swirls are enough for him to empty into your mouth, his hot streams of salty liquid hitting the back of your throat. He looks down at you and your wide eyed expression with his cock in your mouth drives him overboard. 

And you swallow, getting up to lightly plant a sweet kiss on his cheek. A lip stain being worn proudly for just a moment. 

“You amaze me.” Hyuck whispers, holding you against his flushed body and fast paced heart beat. 

“Hurry out you two!” A voice startles the both of you with a knock on the door and you two are quick to readjust yourselves. He hopes to love you a little longer next time, without any interruptions.

***********

After the glorious and excruciating long wedding, you’re walking Hyuck to his car in the small parking lot. During the rest of the night, he held your hand the whole way through and the love that he looked at you with was more than real. 

He talked with your distant relatives as if he’s always known them. Hyuck conducted the dinner table, always knowing what to say. There was no doubt in your head that seeing Donghyuck in the aftermath, he was always going to be someone who was going to make things better. 

The love you long searched for, the love that you had been too afraid to touch, intertwined itself so lovingly underneath the white table cloth. Donghyuck is the one and it took needing to see him a bit more to realize. A little more acceptance from the both of you had to be the final straw.

Donghyuck sheepishly scratches the back of his neck when you reach his car, unsure where the path of your friendship will diverge to next. “Have fun on your date then…” His voice trails off, kicking the rocks at his feet again.

There goes your melodic laughter that soothe his aching heart and the familiar gentle grip on his fingertips. You lift his chin up, the both of you seeing each other clearly now.

From his perspective, you’re absolutely dazzling in the low light and butterflies swirl in the pit of his stomach. He can look at you forever, until months turn into years. He can love you until you two grow old. You’re his fearless, beautiful, inexplicably marvelous best friend. And he patiently waits for the day you’ll let him finally be yours.

From your perspective, Donghyuck shines even when the night overtakes the sky and possibly, the warmth in your heart bubbles across your chest. You can stay with him forever, until months turn into years. You can trust him like it’s you two against the world. He is your silly, charming, timidly benevolent best friend. And you’re slowly falling and hoping for the day you get to be his. 

“I’m not going to see him anymore. He’s not the one.” Hyuck blinks at you, full of confusion and shock.

“But you sounded so happy.” His voice gets lost in the stillness of the intimate atmosphere. 

“No, Hyuck. You make me happy and I’ll say it again for you to hear me. Nobody loves me like you do.” Reaching up, your hand caresses his cheek and he falls into your palm lovingly. His heart runs a mile, reaching the greatest high he’s ever going to feel. He hopes his eyes don’t deceive him, but the utter perfection on your face makes him feel whole.

You wish that Hyuck can teach you to love yourself the way that he loves you. 

“Take me home?” 

“How could I ever say no?”

thank you for being patient with me! its finally done and i will be going on a writing hiatus for a bit. housemating and ridin club will come out sometime soon, but i really need to step away from writing for a bit. please understand, thank you for reading :) 

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Here to Misbehave (Finale | S.R.)

Series Masterlist | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Finale |

Summary: It’s Halloween, and there are a lot of things on Spencer’s mind.

A/N: Here it is, everyone: the end of the story. Thank you so much to everyone who’s read this far. I greatly appreciate all of you, and I hope you enjoy it!   Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Fluff/Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Penetrative sex, light D/s, mostly fluff! Word Count: 7.5k

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Autumn has widely been considered the season of change. It is an understandable characterization; from the shifting hues of the leaves to the wildly fluctuating temperatures, few things stayed consistent in the fall. Perhaps that’s why someone who loathes change, someone like me, finds the season so thrilling.

It’s like the Earth and the Sun made a pact to make changes more predictable in their own unique, chaotic way. The breeze becomes biting and the days become shorter, but for these downfalls, we are granted a beauty and calmness that can’t be rivaled by any other season.

But she wasn’t a season, and when it came to my attention and appreciation, there were few choices that were easier to make.

“Spencer. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

(Y/n)’s face was half covered by the cup she held tightly with both hands, but I could picture the hidden expression perfectly, regardless.

“What? We don’t have to agree on everything.”

The truce was received poorly, her response a heavy scoff and a shake of her head. I tried to follow along with her suddenly heated words but couldn’t contain the stars in my eyes that often accompanied my daydreams. If she did notice, she stubbornly ignored the adoration to continue, “I understand you’re a genius or whatever, but I think your opinions on cider and cocoa are... wrong. They are wrong.”

It was my turn to feign displeasure (I hoped hers wasn’t real, anyway), clutching tighter to my own drink that I found myself defending on a park bench with dozens of strangers as an audience.

“An opinion can’t be wrong!” I chirped, only hating the way my voice jumped a little bit. After all, it was hard to hate it when it made her giggle. But despite how much sweeter the liquid seemed when I drank it in the presence of her smile, I also knew that she wouldn’t appreciate my immediate agreement. So, I pushed back just a little, “It can be misguided or ignorant but not outright wrong.”

“Unless it’s yours, on this topic,” she shot back without hesitation.

I tried to flash her a pout, hoping that maybe it would work for me like it did for her. It did not. Her eyebrows shot up and her jaw dropped open with another laugh, and I decided that I preferred that outcome, anyway. The longer my bottom lip stuck out, the wider her smile got. I waited to stop until her eyes closed and turned away, just long enough for me to let the full force of my affection show before she noticed.

She saw it, anyway, in the form of a similar smile spread over my face when I softly admitted, “Fine. You’re right.”

“Oh, I know.”

Her tongue peeked between her lips, and I found myself thinking less of cider and cocoa and more about how unbelievably lucky I was to find someone that I never felt the need to prove anything to. A person that didn’t care if I held all the answers.

I might’ve continued down that sappy train of thought, but it was hard to do while she had hoisted herself halfway over the table to try and grab hold of my cup right as I went to drink from it. Of course, she had failed to take into account just how big the table was, and just how close I was willing to come to falling before I let her drink from my cup right after she’d criticized my preference of fall flavors.

For a second, I really thought she might climb onto the table to win, but the judgmental looks from the parents in the park must have beaten her desire to win. As forlorn as humanly possible, she fell back into her seat with a loud “Hmph!” which really only managed to elicit an equally immature giggle from me.

“Shut up,” she laughed before shoving my paper plate further into my chest, “And eat your stupid pie.”

All I could think as she grabbed my fork and stabbed the middle of the piece to try to lift the entire thing at once, was that I was right about one thing: Autumn, in all its vitality and beauty, could still never compare to her.

That thought persisted through the pumpkin patch, growing in intensity as she skipped through the vine-laden path like a regular fall fairy. It was much easier to get lost in her there, crouched and inspecting foliage. Her arguments regarding gourds were much less spirited, with her watching me wide-eyed and curious as I explained the stages of pumpkin growth and all the different uses for the fruit.

I still let her make the final choices, opting to analyze her selections and tease her for them later, instead. That was the plan, anyway, to continue the competitiveness lest she gets bored with me before the day was over. When she walked past me holding open the passenger side door, I thought it might’ve already happened.

But then she just placed the pumpkin into my hands so she could open the back door. Before I could even move, she carefully removed it from my arms again and placed it in the seat.

“What are you doing?” I said through a very amused chuckle.

She was decidedly not entertained by my confusion, stopping to turn to me with a bored, frustrated expression. “I’m buckling him in,” she explained slowly, like I might need the help. Then, to add insult to silly injury, she added, “Duh.”

I was too distracted by the details to tackle the absurdity of it all.

“Him? It’s a boy pumpkin?”

“Obviously. Look at him,” she snorted, finally clicking the seatbelt in before tenderly petting the top of the lucky little gourd. Once she was convinced it would be as safe as she could make it, she allowed me to begin to escort her into her proper seat.

“You know it’s safer on the floor, right?” I asked before she’d slipped past me. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her away from the car so I could enjoy the warmth of her before it was replaced with the dry air of the engine.

“How dare you,” she balked with an open mouth that was just begging to be kissed. By the time I got close enough to try, though, her hand fervently shoved my cheek away. I tried to laugh, but she used the same hand to cover the noise, trying and failing to convince me she was being serious.

“Why don’t you just hold him?” I mumbled against her palm.

That was enough for her to abandon my embrace altogether. With a scoff and a roll of her eyes, she pried my arms off of her and finally made her way to my passenger seat. I didn’t fight her too hard, even taking the time to shut her door like my mother always insisted.

The mercy was not returned, with her eyes narrowed into a playful disbelieving glare that I hadn’t seen in some time. My mind was brought back to the first time she ever let me know she was jealous, bickering over blondes and preferences while she sat in the very same place. And, just as before, she was still wearing the same raggedy old sweatshirt of mine.

“If this is any indication of how you’ll be with a human baby, I have dramatically overestimated your competence,” she droned, obviously unaffected by the stars that appeared in my eyes every time I looked at her.

“The one and only time you’ll ever be able to say those words. I hope you enjoyed it,” I joked. A funny enough joke that she couldn’t help but smile through her facade.

“Don’t worry,” she chuckled, “I did.”

The day could have ended there, and it would have been enough. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a single thing that wouldn’t be better with her there. In a way, I think we were trying to prolong the high of ‘hooky,’ finding even the faintest interest in an activity as enough of an excuse for a detour.

… Which was probably how we found ourselves in our third park of the day. After all, I loved any autumnal vision, so how could I decline an opportunity to let them serve as a backdrop for watching her? And that was an accurate description of how I spent the day. It might sound boring, and if it were anyone else, it probably would have been. But no matter how often I saw her, I found myself learning new things about her every single time. Each freckle and scar became a part of the high-definition collection of memories that I would never let myself forget. The most beautiful images that kept me sane in the face of evil and filth.

“Do you see that?”

For a moment, I thought she might have read my mind. But then I realized that her eyes were still fixed forward, stuck on the horizon ahead of us.

“See what?”

“That,” she pointed, “Right there.”

My eyes followed the line, finding nothing but an area of carefully manicured, yellow grass and trees already set to rest for the season. It must have been clear to her that I was lost, because her pointing became more animated and her voice rose as she shouted, “Right there!”

“The giant pile of leaves?”

“Uh-huh.”

Then, in all of my obliviousness, I just sort of stared. Even when her hand grew tighter around mine and her feet started to move faster, I didn’t put two and two together until it was too late.

“What about— No! (Y/n)!” I shouted, cutting off my own train of thought and only barely letting go of her in time to watch her jump straight into the collection of fallen foliage that some poor landscaper had obviously worked hard to gather.

I have to believe that even if that unlucky, underappreciated individual saw what she’d done to their hours of work, that they would forgive her. It was hard to feel anything but joy at the sounds that came from the pile. Yet I approached her cautiously, with both hands in my pockets to avoid the urge to throw myself into danger with her.

“You’re a terror,” I said, settling for a crouched position in front of her. Still able to see her but far enough from her grasp that she had to crawl through a wall of leaves to come nose to nose with me. “This is literally the scariest thing you’ve done all season.”

“Come on in, the water’s fine,” she purred.

As enticing as the offer was, my mind was too preoccupied with statistics of spider and snake bites, not to mention the possibility of ticks still scouring the landscape for any last second hosts. The answer was easy.

“Absolutely not.”

With another exhale of pure displeasure, she threw her body back into the leaves, burying herself into a mess of yellows and reds that somehow only made her look even more beautiful. The chaotic scene matched her energy well, and the harm she was doing was minimal considering I was absolutely going to search every inch of skin for any marks later.

The only thing that was more appealing to me than watching her make an absolute fool out of herself in a pile of leaves was the intense urge to tease her about it. So, taking a regrettable seat on the grass, I sighed, “I think I’m going to have to arrest you for trespassing.”

There was a loud gasp from the center of the pile, followed by a scuffle of flailing limbs among the foliage.

“You don’t own this leaf pile! I do! I am queen of the leaf pile!” she screeched.

“Alright Princess,” I subtly corrected, “whatever you say.”

As promised, I didn’t put up a fight. Even when she finally got a hold of my hands and dragged me into the madness with her. I followed her no matter what nonsense she demanded, just as she had with me so many times. Granted, my desires weren’t nearly as dangerous or strange. They were pretty much just a collection of foreign films and reading that always lulled her to sleep.

But that day there was no sign of her energy waning. The early sun faded and we kept going. I’m not sure how, but she managed to enjoy herself in the D.C. landscape of bars and blaring car horns despite not being able to indulge in anything herself. Although she did half-heartedly attempt to trick me into buying her drinks in several different establishments, I think she was honestly proud that I avoided the drinks altogether. It was a nice reminder that sobriety could be something enjoyed between the two of us, regardless of the environment. However, we didn’t let that stop us from jumping into a crowd of very drunk women who had insisted we join their haunted tour of the city.

“Are you scared?” she whispered into my ear. The feeling of her warm breath against my skin caused a shiver to run down my spine, ruining any credibility I had in my response.

“No. Why would I be scared? It’s just history.”

“Are you sure?” she asked again.

“Yes!” I insisted with the worst possible timing. Because just as soon as the word had left my lips, I felt the distinct sensation of fingers running down my neck and arm opposite to her. I was so convinced that’s what it was that I even spun around with a yelp, crashing into at least three different people just to find a very startled woman with the worst hung scarf I’d ever seen.

(Y/n) had already put two and two together and was lost in an absolute fit of laughter. There were already tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she doubled over, barely able to stand through it all. Because there I was, her 31-year-old FBI agent boyfriend, screaming over a scarf.

“Laugh it up,” I droned. And she did. She kept laughing through any attempts at a response, and after the initial embarrassment wore off, I couldn’t help but join her.

“I hope you know you chose me. You chose this man!” I shouted, gesturing to the people around us who had already forgotten about our shenanigans, “And everyone knows it!”

“I’m sorry I can’t—” she wheezed, pausing to take a necessary breath that was all lost with another bunch of giggles “—You’re a fucking FBI Agent!”

“Well I can’t shoot a ghost, can I?” I mumbled through the hit to my ego. But any suffering was quickly dealt with as she threw dramatic arms around my waist, pulling me close and protecting me from any other errant scarves that might show up.

“I love you so much,” she said.

“I’m glad you’re having fun,” I returned with a quick kiss on her forehead. And even if I implied otherwise, I think she knew that I was having just as good of a time as she was. In fact, it was one of the most relaxing days of my life, which was saying something, considering how much walking was involved.

But no matter how tired we both were, I still had one last place to take her. It took her a while to figure out why the route felt so familiar, but I wasn’t ready to ruin the surprise. I wanted to watch the realization dawn on her. She didn’t disappoint.

“The Mayflower?” she asked with a bit of a bashful laugh before looking up at me through narrowed eyes, “Feeling nostalgic, Dr. Reid?”

“Yeah, a little bit. Thought it was more romantic than the club,” I offered, trying to shrug off the nervous butterflies that burst through my stomach. “Not by much, mind you.”

Although I got the feeling that she didn’t know, or perhaps just didn’t remember, that wonderful night from almost a year ago was one of the most important days of my life. I knew it then, too. From the second I set my eyes on her from my pitiful place against the bar, I knew that she would ruin me.

“Nothing screams high end romance like an alley and a little light law breaking,” she sighed. I almost missed it, too preoccupied with the way her arm tugged me tighter so she could rest her head against my shoulder.

“I can take you home if you’d rather.”

“Hmmm. Depends,” she hummed. Then, turning her head up to me with that playful look that always turned me to putty in her hands, she purred, “How much longer do you think you can wait before you just have to have me?”

I sucked in a sharp, sarcastic breath, eyeing her just long enough for her to start to fume, I let out all the air with a defeated sigh, “I guess we’re staying.”

That serene sort of teasing continued past the reception desk and all the way up the elevator. If there were other people there, we didn’t bother noticing. We were too busy watching one another to even look away long enough to find our room. Doubling back through the dizzying hallways until we found the elusive number, we finally settled into the only vaguely familiar layout of beige and tan.

She was much quicker at it than I was. Before I’d even finished washing my hands and checking exposed skin for bugs that I was convinced had hitched a ride from the leaf pile, she was already stretched out on the bed in nothing but a tiny piece of lacy cotton and her favorite sweatshirt. The sight made me stop, lost for breath and logic of how I was lucky enough to be there with her again.

“See something you like, Dr. Reid?” she teased through giggles, no doubt recalling the same memory as me.

My answer didn’t need to be said, but I said it, anyway. She deserved to hear it.

“Yes.”

With arms outstretched, she sleepily begged, “Come here.”

But I couldn’t.

“Not yet… I just… I want to look at you like this a little bit longer.”

How could I move on from this moment, when it was the best I’d ever felt? So overwhelmingly safe and at home despite being in a strange, sterile room. I had no desire to move any inch of me if it meant that this image would persist for the rest of my days.

“You getting all romantic on me?”

“Always,” I chuckled. Her usual disgust for my sappy behavior didn’t show itself, overpowered by the gentle curve of her lips and hands that were becoming more and more insistent to be held. Eventually, I had to move, knowing that it was the only way to hold her.

My body reacted the way it always did when it found her. All of the tension dropped from tired shoulders, desperate to touch her more. To feel the imprint of her body pressed against mine, a mess of heat and need and love.

She was the one to kiss me first, and for a moment I let her do it without reciprocation. I wanted to feel how her touch became softer and shier as she realized what I was doing. That I was spending all of my energy memorizing the way her lips parted as she tried to hold back a giggle against my almost-still lips.

“What’s happening in that big genius brain of yours?” she murmured with eyes half open but still containing universes.

“I’m just thinking of all the things you’ve done to make me fall in love with you.”

I thanked all of the gods in every pantheon that made her too tired to tease. Instead, she just laughed, playing her part in bringing us back to that night we met.

“Like quote Picard?”

“We still haven’t watched Star Trek together,” I whined.

The sound must have stirred something new in her, because she rolled us over to take her seat on my lap. She hung over me, looking down at me, hopeless and breathless at the feel of her thighs under my hands. My heart started to race, but I didn’t know why.

It wasn’t until she spoke the words that were already running through my mind, “We’ve got time. Picard can wait.”

Everything about it was effortless. Our bodies had fallen together and mouths found each other exactly like every romance novel has ever tried to tackle the metaphor of gravity.

But if we were an orbit, it was not a binary like the traditional notion of two equal souls. Despite the nickname I’d chosen for her, nothing about her soul was small. And even though she burned bright, she wasn’t anything like the fiery combustion of a star.

She was a home. A thing so full of vitality and life that I would love to watch for whatever time I had left. I was just a moon, loyally following her and trying my best to shield her from whatever might try to harm her. To protect her when she needed rest and to lead the tides to kiss her when she wished. I would be her shadow, shining a light onto her even in the darkest time. All that I asked for in return was a spot beside her.

‘One day,’ she had said before, ‘if you will have me.’

But it was never a question. Not for me. And if she really needed me to answer it for her, I was happy to give her that. I hadn’t been waiting for even a year, but it felt like a lifetime.

“Yeah, he can,” I repeated, quiet and with such a heavy waver that I’m surprised she could understand the shifting inflections. Even if she didn’t, she knew that something had changed in those few seconds of silence.

“What’s up, Spencer?”

I didn’t know how to answer. How to explain what I was feeling. But I grabbed hold of one hand, clinging desperately to her and guiding her to the heart that felt dangerously light. The rapid pace of its beating still not enough to alert her of the true cacophony of my thoughts.

“Are you okay?”

The answer was yes. Because no matter how loud and chaotic the sounds inside my head were, they all lead me to the same conclusion.

“Picard can wait, and we have a lot of time,” I tried to explain through a dry throat that was only growing tighter with the unwieldy weight of the feeling.

“Yes…” she mumbled back, just as trepidatious and nervous as I was.  

Just like I was. Because we were. We were connected by some force, whatever you want to call it. Whether it was a chemical or psychological or heavenly connection, I didn’t care. I wanted her to know how I felt. To know that there was nothing that would ever tear me away from her.

“But I don’t… I don’t think I want to wait.”

After a couple more seconds of silence, she answered with a knowing stare, “… What?”

From my position underneath her, I was able to reach over just enough to grab my jacket. Of course, it helped that she moved with me, clearly curious and terrified of the possibilities. But a good kind of terror… I hoped.

My confidence grew as her legs gripped tighter around my hips and her hands shot up to cover her chest with balled fists pressed against one another. I heard the friction of her skin as her body started to shake in a different way, with an adrenaline that I hadn’t seen from her in even the most dangerous situations.

But when I pulled a small velvet box from the internal pocket, everything stopped. She became completely still. Her eyes were wide and frozen on the object in my hands, only to look away when she heard my voice.

“(Y/n).”

“Where did you get that?” she asked like she hadn’t just seen me pull it from my jacket. The same jacket that I wore every time that I was with her. The wool fabric that she’d swaddled herself in on a number of occasions, none the wiser of how much heavier it was for me when I wore it.

“I know this is really random, a-and to be fair, I wasn’t expecting it, either,” I said through the most awkward laughs I’d ever produced (which was saying something), “I mean, I knew I wanted to marry you, I’ve known that for quite some time, hence the ring.”

I paused, but got nothing in response. Nothing except her lips quivering from their parted position, and her nose twitching as she tried to settle on just one expression. But it didn’t matter how she contorted her face; they were all exactly as they should be. Because they were all her.

“But today, with you… I-I’ve never been that happy in my life. Jumping in leaves and fighting over fall flavors and I—“

Her eyes stopped bouncing, settling with my gaze and robbing my lungs of all air. She made up her mind, deciding to leave everything exactly as it was. The honest truth of the overwhelming storm of every emotion that had been experienced in the little time we had shared together.

The knowing that everything had happened exactly as it should have to bring us here.

“I love you so much,” I whispered, careful to make every word as genuine as they were, “And I know that we have all the time in the world left with one another… but I don’t want to wait any longer for you to be my wife.”

“Ask me,” she answered immediately and abruptly.  


“Okay,” I laughed, endlessly entertained by how she could sound so aggressive even when we were both at our most vulnerable, caught in the nexus of our love.

“Um… Will you… marry me?”

There was no hesitation. No worry, no fear, and no doubt.

“Yes, you stupid old man!” she outright screamed, throwing arms around me even when it meant we both slammed against pillows and the headboard. She didn’t stop squealing even when she kissed me, struggling to find more of me to hold onto.

After she decided that tugging on my hair was the best way to express her affection, I managed to break away just long enough to shout, “Wait! I have to put the ring on you!”

“Then put it on!” she yelled, thrusting her hand in front of my face and practically slapping me in the process. But none of the pain mattered. Nothing was even recognizable outside of the feeling of her sweaty, shaking palm resting against my fingers.

I noticed for the first time that I was also trembling. I took the time to focus, slipping the ring over her finger. But once it started to safely slide into place, my eyes returned to watch what I knew to be happy tears fall over her cheeks. I wiped them away, but they were replaced with the wetness from my face when she brought us together again with a long, gentle kiss.

A calmness came over the room like the feeling following a storm. A clean slate with soil enriched for growth. A hope for a future forever changed.

“What do we do now?” she asked, biting her bottom lip and holding tight to my hands.

The answer seemed clear enough.

“Whatever we want.”

 —————————————————

 Is this really happening?

I stared at the diamond shining back at me with a clarity that had to be a metaphor for my heart. In the vague reflection of yellow light and us, I felt a warmth that doesn’t normally accompany metal. My finger’s new companion felt so comfortable in its new resting place. A constant reminder of the man I called home.

Then I turned back to him, unsure how I was supposed to move on from this moment. I never wanted to leave, but I also needed to move. I compromised and settled with my face against his chest, listening to the heartbeat he’d just dedicated to me. In that peaceful quiet, I heard him speak so softly I wasn’t sure I was meant to hear it.

But I did.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said with fingers dancing through the ends of my hair, “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

And for once, the thought didn’t feel like a burden. In fact, it felt like freedom. I was finally free to be who I was without worry that I would be alone. Without worrying that I would be too much or too little to please him.

I was enough.

Enough.

“I love you,” I said, tasting salt from tears I hadn’t even noticed were falling.

Curiously, and in a rare role switch, Spencer was the one who took a blatantly affectionate display and turned it into something else. Pulling me away from his chest, he dragged me up until he could drag his lips over my jaw.

“Don’t cry, little girl,” he cooed with what I could only imagine was a wicked grin, “I haven’t given you a reason to yet.”

Something about that gruff rumble in his throat caused my skin to ripple with goosebumps. Every inch of me burned with flames that could only be put out by his touch. I chased after his lips with my own, but he was insistent on trailing down my throat. He knew I would be powerless to him. I wouldn’t be able to argue when my hands were knotted in his hair and my hips were already rocking helplessly against his erection.

“I want you to fuck me,” I seethed. My blood was boiling from the heat I felt within, and before he could even answer I was already working at the buttons on his shirt.

“Oh? You don’t want me to make love to you?” Spencer laughed. As if that had ever been our style.

“No, I want you to take what’s yours.”

He responded to the demand by pushing me from my seat, forcing me onto my back on the other end of the bed. I wasn’t going to complain, either. The new position allowed me access to his belt, which I unbuckled before he even had time to laugh.  

“Are you really challenging me right now, little girl?”

But despite the taunt, he did nothing to stop me. His hands were also busy removing my clothes. And just like before, our nakedness was reciprocated. With each lost layer, I should have felt lighter, but I didn’t. I felt so powerful, so aware of how our bare bodies twined together.

“Here, of all places? Do you remember what I did to you that night?”

How could I ever forget?

“I’m not the same girl you had in your bed then,” I purred. We both knew it was true, although not in the way I was implying.

Because Spencer had changed me. Irrevocably. He taught me so much — not just about physics, literature, or criminology, either. He taught me about kindness, softness, and vulnerability. He taught me how to trust that someone could hold me without the intention of letting me go. More than anything, he taught me that I didn’t have to learn these things alone. Even the smartest man I’d ever met needed help with them sometimes.

Then again, something told me that Spencer wasn’t in a very humble mood. Perhaps it was the fact he’d pinned me down again, with his hands clumsily gripping hard enough to leave crescent moons in my forearms.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” he growled with a small, chaste kiss, “You’re still just a fucking brat.”

I wasn’t feeling bratty then, though. Especially not as I felt the head of his cock pressed against me, just hard enough to feel the resistance of my body. He waited there, no doubt taking pleasure in the way my whole body squirmed underneath him. My hips bucked, but he managed to keep a cruelly steady distance.

“You’re so precious when you’re needy,” he mumbled. And although I stubbornly avoided looking him in the eyes out of protest, he forced my face towards him again, anyway. “Go on. Say please.”

“Fuck off,” I whined through a prominent pout that did me no favors.

“Say it.”

“Please!”

I managed to make eye contact, but it was fleeting. As soon as he thrust forward into me, my back arched and I lost myself in the pillows. My hands found him, though, leaving angry red welts over heated skin. If Spencer was at all affected by the pain, he made no showing of it. His pace continued, steadily forcing our bodies together until I trembled in his hands.

He would hold me there, at my limit but not pleading for him to do anything different. With tender hands, he would fuck me until I swore bruises would follow. But I never felt unsafe; I felt cared for and cherished in a way I’d never known. I trusted him to know my limits better than myself.

I trusted him with all of me because I had already seen that when given the chance, he would do whatever he could to protect me.

The love I felt must have shone through my eyes because his hips got slower, drawing out each movement. My hips rose in tandem with his, allowing me to feel every inch of him inside of me.

“This body belongs to me now and forever,” he whispered.

It always has.

“You belong to me.”

And I felt it. The undeniable string of fate that tied us to each other. I could feel his every emotion as his fingers brushed over my throat. I melted under his touch, completely consumed by the love he felt for me. The kind of love that people spent their whole lives searching for only to come up empty. That powerful thing that drove gods to war and men to madness.

The only feeling that could tear down every wall that had been carefully crafted to protect myself. Because I didn’t need them anymore. Spencer’s arms would take their place, holding me through the storms that might follow the same way he had carried me through the ones that led us here.

“Yes,” I breathed, “I’m yours.”

For forever and whatever comes after.

The words were truer than they’d ever been before, and Spencer took it as permission to let go of any remaining hesitation. The slow, gentle thrusts became faster and our moans echoed in the small room without a second thought to the poor patrons in the rooms surrounding us. Because if they felt what we did, they would understand. Spencer still tried to hush the sounds, crashing his lips over mine in a sloppy, frenzied kiss.

I was suddenly reminded of every romantic story I’d ever heard. They all spoke of feeling so close to someone that they felt like an extension of yourself. I wasn’t sure if it was completely true, but there was no denying how at home our bodies were. The way our tongues wrapped around one another and how our noses bumped so gently in the chaos was unmatched by any meeting driven by lust or need.

His hips met mine over and over again, no matter how hard I tried to keep him closer. Even when my hips chased his to be held longer, Spencer was persistent in the ruthless pace. Because like me, he was lost in the euphoria. I knew it from the sound of his whimpers and the way he bit my lip just a little bit harder.

“Tell me what you want, little girl,” he begged. Not ordered. Begged.

“You,” I answered without any doubt, “I just want you.”

His response came even faster, even more desperate and scratchy as it came through his lips into mine.

“You have me. For the rest of my life and whatever comes after, I will take care of you.”

There was nothing left to say. I could feel the truth and force behind the words as he fucked me harder, eliciting one more quiet cry from me in the sound of his name.

“Spencer...”

When he returned the call, though, it wasn’t with any name I’d heard from him before.

“So you better get used to this feeling,” he said through a smile that I felt on my lips before he drew back. He looked me in the eye as he buried himself in me, tensing to hold himself back just a few seconds longer. To see the look on my face and let that be the feeling of us giving in to each other for the first time in our new story.

“Because I’m never going to grow tired of this, Mrs. Reid.”

Mrs. Reid.

That was going to be my name.

Mrs. Reid.

That was the only thought running through my mind as I felt the coil in my gut snap and all of my muscles tense around him. There were no whorish sounds left in my lungs, only little whimpers and whines as I tried to claw him closer. Spencer gave up his visual in exchange for kissing me while he finished. My walls held him so tightly that I felt each pulse and every place where his release filled me. But nothing was more compelling than feeling the way his lip quivered between mine as his body fell onto mine with no grace required.

Spencer could act hard all he wanted, but I felt the way he craved softness. Safety. Love. All things I was happy to give… for a price.

“Say it again.”

“Say what again?” he replied sleepily but animated enough to have a healthy dose of snark. Snark that earned him a rough nudge of my elbow into his ribs.

“You know!”

But naturally, the genius had to play dumb. With a happy little hum, he snuggled closer to me, burying his face into my neck so he could mumble against the skin, “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Please,” I sighed, “for me?”

He seemed to contemplate the plea for a little while longer, with wiggling toes I felt against my shins and a happy sigh that breezed over my neck. I tried to take in those small things while I waited, knowing that while I had a lifetime to learn them, this moment would never come again.

“Fine,” he finally settled, propping himself up to give another soft kiss followed by the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Only for you, Mrs. Reid.”

 ——  The Next Morning ——

 Waking up next to Spencer with a ring on my finger was literally waking up to find my dream come to life. And sure, his light snoring and constant wriggling under the sheets he continued to pull off of me weren’t perfect or picturesque, but they were real. The same way that he chirped when he felt my legs wrap around him in his sleep and only woke when he heard me giggling.

His eyes fluttered open, taken aback by something that he saw. Although I would blame it on the sunlight filtering through the curtains, I was sure that he would give me all the credit.

“Good morning,” he slurred.  

“Hi,” I answered with a smile and an attempt to pull him closer. But my hand was stopped by his, squeezing my palm between his fingers before dragging my knuckles to his lips. From there, he laid a gentle kiss over the diamond he’d placed there the night before. Although it was strange to be outshone by a rock, I let it go for now.

“I know you shouldn’t sleep with it on, but it’s so nice to see it’s still there,” he said with a heavy breath before lowering our still joined hands to rest against his heart. I could feel the way it beat a little bit quicker as I came closer, and I wondered if this was really what it would be like forever.

“I couldn’t resist wearing it.”

“You know you can still change your mind, right? We haven’t told anyone.”

“I haven’t changed my mind,” I replied unlike every time before. There was no teasing, no joke or anger or sadness. Just a pure, unadulterated joy.

… Of course, the question did bring up an entirely new anxiety. It did feel a bit silly, but it needs to be expressed.

“Have you?”

“God, no,” he laughed. Like he’d only asked the question to see the way I might panic. But as soon as I heard his assurance, I knew it was the truth.

My mind started to drift back to that first morning we spent together. It felt like a lifetime ago, but everything still felt so very much the same. I wondered if there were things I would change if given the chance. It wasn’t until after I ran through the laundry list of things that we would have been better off without that I realized I’d asked the wrong question.

It wasn’t a matter of what I would have changed, but what I would have kept the same. And the answer was simple. No matter what I would face in my life, I just wanted it to be with him. Everything would be okay as long as I had him.

However, when I tried to kiss him, Spencer still seemed hung up on the things he would have changed. Our lips didn’t connect for even ten seconds before he broke apart, happily laughing through the words, “This is so much better when I’m not hungover.”

“Old man.”

He didn’t argue back, wiggling under the sheets until our chests were pressed together. I took it as a very poor attempt at a power play, because instead of craning my neck to look up at him from my spot, I simply climbed his lanky figure until our noses were pressed together.

“Your old man now,” he corrected, followed by my own clarification of, “You were always mine, Dr. Reid.”

“But now you get to show everyone.” He grinned, letting go of my hand to roam over the curves of my body. His daily attempts to memorize each version of me he held. After a few more moments of silent reverence, I asked the question we’d have to face eventually, lest we face even more awkward, embarrassing moments with the team.

“Who’s gonna tell everyone?”

He barely even considered the options before he shrugged.

“Let’s just… wing it.”

I paused, certain that I’d heard it wrong. “You, Spencer Reid, would like to ‘wing it?’” I repeated, barely able to get the words out without laughing from the absurdity of it all.

But he was quick to assure me, “Yeah, I do.”

“Alright. Whatever you say,” I sighed. I figured that it wouldn’t be worth it to plan right now, anyway. It wasn’t exactly our style. If anything, we would find the perfect time completely by accident.

“You know what we should do first though?” I excitedly announced to the best audience a girl could ever ask for.

“What?”

“Coffee,” I drawled. To which he quickly answered, “I love you an ungodly amount.”

Taking full advantage of that admission, I shoved the poor soul who’d shackled himself to me forever away as I ordered, “Go turn it on. I am craving shitty hotel coffee in bed with my fiancé.”

“Fine,” he resigned with a smile while rolling out of the bed, “Spoiled brat.”

“Your spoiled brat!” I shouted back from safe under the covers that I could finally get back in his absence. They weren’t as good as him, but they would be enough for now. I buried my face into his pillow, snickering as I heard a very tired Spencer call from the bathroom, “Forever mine!”

Just as the sounds of running water filled the room, I lifted my head at the distant sound of familiar chiming beside me.

“Is that my phone?”

I didn’t answer, paralyzed in my place as I felt the most intense sensation of deja vu I’d ever experienced. Right there on the nightstand, I saw the name Hotchner.

Spencer was quicker this time to leave the bathroom, but just as he turned the corner, a thought must have stopped him. Because he paused, staring at me with hotel sheets gathered around me and his phone against my ear.  

He didn’t try to fight me for the device. In fact, he didn’t move at all, watching from a few feet away with a smile I’d never seen before. The kind that I felt so deep inside of me that I realized this was what they meant to share a soul with someone.

 “Hello,” I spoke softly and filled with love, “this is Mrs. Reid.”

 The End.

—————————————————

Epilogue

[poguesrforlife]

Young and Beautiful | Rudy Pankow - Part 2

You guys are literally the best! Thank you so much for all the amazing feedback for this little weird imagination in my head :’) BTW I have no clue how the movie business works or if this is even close to accurate but just bare with my fantasies here okay :D xoxo

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Trigger warning: It gets a bit very smutty people, be prepared, angsty ???idk

Word count: 3295 (so I went totally over the top with this once again)

Y/N just got the role of her lifetime, starring beside the cast of Outer Banks in the second season as JJ’s love interest. It’s a dream come true and gets even dreamier when she meets Rudy Pankow her alleged love interest. Lines start to blur between reality and film and Y/N is left wondering if taking a leap of faith is worth risking her career.

A couple minutes later you found yourself in your trailer alone. Images and thoughts were flashing in your head, all of them revolving around that kiss. That kiss that didn’t feel like a normal kiss, or any kiss you ever had before. That kiss had been pure magic. There was no other way to describe it. Alone the thought of it send your heart into overdrive and quickened your breath. 

And that wasn’t even the worst part, in a couple of hours you were expected back on set after a scene change and doing that kiss with Rudy over and over only half naked. 

You had to calm yourself down right this second. Your possible feelings for him couldn’t get in the way of your big break. There was so much more on the line.

A soft knock on your trailer door pulled you out of your thoughts and after opening the door you were faced with a grinning Madelyne and Madison who immediately snuck into your four walls for now.

“What was that?” Maddie C squealed as she sat down on the couch and pulled you down with her. 

“What do you mean?” You feigned innocence and looked at them quizzically. 

“Hun, you’re a great actress but not that of a good actress and neither is Rudy,” Bailey stated and raised a brow at you.

“Like, Chase and I had our moments on set and even JD and Bailey but we never got so into it that we ignored the ending of the scene,” Maddie pointed out, big smile on her face.

“Guys,” You groaned, just thinking about the embarrassing moment from before. “I don’t even know what happened out there,” You admitted quietly hands over your face as you leaned back.

The girls shared a worried gaze between them as they looked back at you.

“Are you okay though?” Maddie asked and patted your thigh lovingly. 

You were so grateful for these two in that moment. You wished you could just bawl in their arms and let all your frustration out but bigger matters were at hand.

“Yes, I’m fine… well I don’t really have a choice,” You mused and gave them a reassuring smile. 

Bailey looked at you with a sympathetic smile and closed her arms around you. 

“No matter what else might’ve happened out there, you were great. Really really great,” She praised you and you couldn’t help but laugh at her sweet words.

“Thanks for supporting my kissing skills, I guess.” The girls chimed in with laughter at that and you stayed cuddled on the couch until it was time to get back on set.

“You’re going to rock this,” Maddie assured you when she saw your faltering confidence the closer you got to that scene, “and then we can talk about it properly after you had some time to think.”

You squeezed both of the girls’ hands as they led you back to the cameras and the action. You were grateful for their support but the only person you wanted to talk to right now was Rudy. Maybe you shouldn’t have split immediately after the scene and actually talked to him so it wouldn’t be awkward now. But you were an actress after all, you could pretend to not care as much for just a bit longer. 

As he came into view with his soft blond waves, where hours before your hands had been entangled in, your heart stopped for a second. 

But he didn’t seem to be too bothered as he joked around with the guys and laughed carelessly. Had you been the only one affected by the kiss? Was he just a better actor than you had thought?  The thought stung but you knew it would only be for the better. You could be just as nonchalant as him. 

“What’re we laughing about?” You chimed in and smiled at the guys. You cringed a bit at your overly joyous voice but couldn’t take it back even if you wanted to as all eyes were fixed on you.

“Rudy just told us how terrible his first kiss was,” Chase explained and smirked at his co-star. 

So they had definitely talked about your kiss otherwise they wouldn’t be on the topic, would they? You tried your hardest to look unbothered by it, hoping your face wasn’t turning crimson again.

“Well, I sure hope that I wasn’t your first kiss then,” You joked, “For your sake and for mine.” You bit your bottom lip as your eyes traveled over his face. 

He regarded you with an amused little smile playing on his lips as he took you in. 

“What? Y/N, as if. Yours would win all the most passionate kiss awards in the country,” JD babbled which earned him a stern look from Rudy and an eye-roll from you.

“At Rudy’s first kiss he actually accidentally spit a piece of gum-“ Chase started giggly but got interrupted by Rudy pushing a hand over his mouth and pushing him out of your ear-shot.

“Would you shut up!” He warned him under his breath and you had to suppress a giggle at his antics.

You could imagine all too well what might have happened with the piece of gum and the poor girl. 

For now though, you were just happy that all seemed to be calm and collected between the two of you. 

Sooner than you would’ve liked however you were back in business and a dozen people were around you, giving you instructions, doing your make-up, positioning you right and and and…

You loved your job, you really did, but right now you just wanted some piece and quiet. 

You were led together into the bedroom of JJ in the Chateau for the scene. It was supposed to be a bit more intimate and shown sex scene than what Chase and Madelyne had done in the first season. You couldn’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable but this wasn’t the first time that you did something like this and you were sure no one would ever get used to that kind of film-making. 

The directors sent everyone out of the room they did not especially need to make it as comfortable for the both of you as possible which you thought was infinitely thoughtful. 

“You guys have the scene in your hands okay?” Jonas assured you as he went over it with the both of you. “You do only what you’re comfortable with and stop whenever you want.”

“Thanks,” Rudy nodded at his kindness and dropped an arm around your waist. “You’ll tell me how far you want to go okay?” 

“We’ll work it out as we go?” You suggested and he pulled you closer to him with a sweet smile. His lips met your forehead in a soft kiss and your eyes fluttered shut for a second at the gentle contact. 

“You’ll be great, I’m sure about that,” Valerie gave you a thumbs up and then cameras were rolling. 

Rudy’s arm was still around your waist as he led you to the beginning of the scene. 

“Promise me, you’ll be honest with me when it’s too much” He whispered, lips grazing the shell of your ear barely and a shiver went down your spine. 

You turned your head slowly, eyes locking with his and the incredible saturating blue colour. You didn’t realise how close he was until then. Just a step forward and you would be kissing him. 

“Promise,” you gave him your word and watched as relief washed over his face. A simple gesture as him making sure you were comfortable was worth more than any gifts and roses he could have gotten you. Your heart swelled as you looked at him, so grateful that everything in the world aligned for him to meet you in that way. The word ‘destiny’ was dancing around in your mind. 

“Action!” You heard someone call and then reality was hidden for the next moments and you were back playing a part. 

His lips found yours immediately, just as passionate as before if not even more, and your hands grabbed at him, anything to get him closer to you. 

One of his hands pushed the door to the bedroom open as the other sneaked around your waist and you stumbled into the room, lips never leaving another. 

“Jump,” Rudy or rather JJ instructed you and you locked your legs around his hips as he grabbed your thighs. Goose-bumps erected on your skin as you felt his touch on the back of your bare legs. 

The both of you were already breathing hard, as you couldn’t keep away from each other long enough to catch your breath. It was like your bodies were melting into each other, always closer.

At last his lips left yours and you almost whimpered at the loss of contact but he found a new home on your jaw and neck as he pressed you against the walls of the wooden cabin. Your hand locked around his neck, pulling at the blond waves at the base of it when he met a particular sensitive spot.

“You good?” He asked and you weren’t sure if it was Rudy or JJ asking you. The lines were blurred once again in your mind, but God yes you were more than okay.

“Yes, JJ, yes,” Your voice was slightly hoarse and you thought you heard him moan as he pulled you tighter to him and lifted you off the wall to bring you towards the bed in the middle of the room.

Gently he let you down and hovered over you for a second, admiring your flushed cheeks and red swollen lips. He pecked your lips sweetly over and over and you pulled him in-between your legs, wanting him as close to you as possible. Your breath hitched when he discarded his shirt and you were met with the bare skin of his torso. Your eyes admired every valley and hill of his muscles and soon your hands followed, carefully touching the soft and strong grooves of his abdomen.

A sharp breath escaped him as your cold fingers met his stomach and he leaned back down, reattaching his lips to yours. His right hand found its way to your waist where your shirt had ridden up slightly and you gasped at the contact. His hand wandered to the small of your back, pushing slightly, a signal for you to sit up.

You pushed into him further, your chest pressed to his and he was fingering the hem of your shirt.

“May I?” He inquired kindly and stopped his actions to take a moment to look at you. His brows were drown together as his gaze met yours and you instinctively reached out your fingers to caress the worry of his face. You nodded willingly before you pulled him back into a short kiss and then he stripped off your shirt.

Your head hit the pillows once again and you felt his wet lips on your stomach seconds after. You were only in your bikini top and a pair of shorts now and you tried hard to blend the other people in the room out. Rudy was making a fantastic job of distracting you on that part. 

You felt your heartbeat quicken, felt your breath going faster and you knew that this wasn’t anything you could tell your body to do. This was a genuine reaction to this wonderful boy on top of you.

Your whole body felt like it was on fire and drowning in ice-cold water like-wise. You couldn’t remember the last time somebody made you feel like that. The thought that this wasn’t actually real was pressed to the very corners of your mind as you stared into Rudy eyes, his shirtless form hovering above you. God, he was gorgeous. When he looked at you like that and touched your bare skin with his slightly calloused warm hands, it was too easy to forget all the cameras and people around you. But all this was just in your head and you were playing your part just as he did. How you wished in that moment it would be true.

He leaned down further, one hand on your waist drawing lazy circles there and the other one holding him up to not crush you. His lips wandered from your cleavage up your throat to the sweet spot under your ear. Your legs locked around his hips and pulled him closer, his groin meeting the spot between your thighs and you gasped at the sudden sensation, pulling his hair where your hands were entangled.

“Can I take your top off?” He whispered only for you to hear and goosebumps were flashing on your skin at the soft vibrato of his voice. 

“Yeah,” You breathed out and arched your back to give him access to the knot between your shoulder blades. 

His hand was resting there for a couple seconds without moving and you grew concerned and pulled back to look at his face.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He was genuinely trying to make sure you were comfortable with the scene and your exposed body. Nobody in the world could’ve made you feel more secure in this decision than him. 

“I would do everything with you,” You whispered just loud enough for the microphones to pick up. You weren’t talking to JJ in that second, you were talking to Rudy. The flashing spark in his eyes and the easy smile returning to his lips told you he knew that as well.

He pulled you up against him and sat up with you straddling him, so your back was turned to the cameras. You gasped surprised at the sudden change of position but it didn’t escape you that he moved you like that so your bare breasts wouldn’t be seen by anybody but him.

“Thank you,” You let out under your breath just for him to hear. You looked at him with so much adoration in that moment and couldn’t help but let your heart fall for him just a bit more.

His eyes moved over your face, just like one of his hands, as if he tried to memorise every plain and freckle on it. You leaned back down to connect your lips and felt an enticing shiver down your spine as his calloused hand opened the knot between your shoulder blades and moved up your spinal column to your neck to remove the top from your upper body. 

You welcomed the sudden cold on your bare skin, everything was too hot in that second. But as soon as Rudy pressed his own chest to yours, creating friction on your nipples, it felt like lava was flowing through your veins. 

“God, you’re so beautiful,” He said between kisses and one of his hands wandered to your ribcage just below the soft skin of your breast, slowly caressing the skin there.

Your emotions were running high and so was your heart at his touch and his words. With your eyes closed you could pretend that he belonged just to you and nobody else was in the room. Just him and you. 

You started grinding on his hips involuntarily your body taking matters into its own hand and not listening to your mind anymore. You gasped when Rudy took one of your breasts into his way bigger hand.

“I need you closer,” He groaned and pressed his hands to the small of your back and your neck before he lay you down again, his chest pressed to yours so close, not allowing anyone to take a look at you.

His hand wandered down to your shorts and he looked down at you questioningly before you nodded and he removed another article of clothing. He removed his own shorts quickly afterwards leaving both of you only in your underwear. 

Before it could go any further however he grabbed a blanket lying around on the bed and covered both of you from the waist down and then pretended to pull your last clothes off as well.

“I’m gonna fuck you now, ok?” He groaned in your ear and you could feel his wicked smile pressed to your skin as he told you so. 

Holding your eyes locked to his he gave you one last sweet kiss and waited for your consent, which you gave, before he pretended to enter you.

You fake gasped as his hips bucked against yours and your fingers dig into his back as you held him close, chest to chest.

Even though this was all just pretend you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to actually share this intimacy with Rudy. What he would feel like inside of you. What he would to you and with you when no one else was around. The thought alone made you wet and your nipples harden. 

His head rested in the crook of your neck as he moved against you and breathed hard, occasionally leaving wet sloppy kisses on your too hot skin.

“Fuck, JJ!” You fake moaned and locked your feet around his tight ass as you pulled him closer.

Rudy picked up in pace, you could feel his member even through the hard protective underwear he had to wear for scenes like that. And it drove you absolutely crazy. He through his head back, breaths coming in gasps as his hips grinded into yours.

You wanted him so bad that you felt your insides twisting and knees buckle. Your mind was filled to the brim with thoughts of him: his bright blue eyes and how they crinkled at the corners when he laughed, his brilliant smile with his adorable too sharp teeth, his sinful lips that drove you crazy, his strong body the shone in the late afternoon sun like a god’s. It was only him, him, him. 

“Cut!” You heard Jonas scream and the magic disappeared like somebody had hit you with a baseball bat right in the stomach. You could’ve killed him right there and then. 

Rudy hovered above you unmoving, still shielding you from the views of everybody else in the room and grabbed a shirt, JJ’s shirt, for you to cover up.

“Are you okay?” He asked once again as soon as the shirt was over your head. 

“Yeah,” You smiled at him thankfully, “Are you okay?”

“I am,” He laughed at your sweet question and pecked your forehead before pulling away from you so the both of you sat up in the bed. 

Your pulse was still a bit too fast as you faced the team surrounding you.

“Okay, that was wonderful. You two did great. Are you both comfortable?” Jonas asked and you nodded immediately. You were a bit too comfortable actually.

“I think, we’re gonna shoot this scene a couple more times, just to get some different angles and then just JJ and Y/C/N sleeping afterwards and you’re done for today,” Valerie mused and looked between the both of you and to Jonas. You all agreed and then the ordeal started all over again.

It didn’t get any easier to entangle your thoughts of JJ from your thoughts of Rudy however, no matter how often you did the scene. 

You were always just as enchanted by him as the first time. His skin on yours, his eyes, his lips, all this sent you right into an abyss of feelings and emotions where no return would be possible. 

You had always been good at differentiating between reality and fiction but right now you weren’t so sure if there was anything to keep apart. Because the way Rudy looked at you in-between scenes and during filming… it was the exact same passion and kindness in his eyes.

Tags: @lovelymaybankk​ @sspidermanss​ @1d5sosddl​ @arthiriticcricket​ @teamnick​ @lieswithoutfairytales

[imgoingtofreakoutnow]

An old friend - Part 1

Summary: You're back in London after years living in the countryside and tonight you're attending the Cowper's ball. Who knows who'll you meet there?

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!reader

Other characters: Violet Bridgerton, Sir Hugh Feversham (OMC)

Words: 2k+

Warnings: very slight mentions of attempt at harassment, a bit of Regency-era yearning

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Not my gif, credit to the rightful owner

Whoever entered the Cowper’s estate to attend that evening’s ball would’ve been blinded by the richness of the decorations: the cristalized tears of the chandeliers glimmered in the dancing lights of the candles and at every corner colourful flowers spread their sweet and enchanting scent all around the huge ballroom.

Every person in it could just stare in silent awe of the magnificent view, taking in even the smallest detail as the music caressed their ears, a silk touch to the soul... but to you, that wonder was your last interest.

“Miss Y/L/N!”

You, right now, had the hardest task to accomplish: lose in the huge crowd a terribly improper suitor, Sir Hugh Feversham, who followed you in the gardens and tried to forcefully kiss you. Luckily the slap he received had shocked him enough to give you a ten seconds headstart before he stubbornly followed.

“Miss Y/L/N, please.” His voice was closer than before, so you tried to quicken your pace without looking like running away from anyone. ”If I could just explain myself to you...”

Part of you just wanted to turn and face him - or to be more accurate, slap him, again - and thus expose his terrible behaviour to every soul in the room. However another part of you, the thoughtful and rational one, knew that the situation in which you were tangled was very inconvenient, with or without your willingness to be part of it.

Keeping this in mind, avoiding him for the rest of the night was the best choice you had, if not the only one. Nevertheless, you couldn’t spend every second left at the ball running in circles trying to outrun him... you needed somewhere to hide.

Since the gardens were off-limits, you scanned the room, looking for a dark corner in which you could disappear or, even better, a friendly face who could save you. But having just moved back in London after years living in the countryside, you wouldn’t recognize an old friend even if you bumped into them.

As you kept walking, a kind voice reached your ears: “You must dance at least with one girl, Anthony. You can’t stand here on the side while many young ladies wait hopelessly to be asked a dance”

That name stopped you in your track, opening memories you thought you forgot. It couldn't be...

Slowly turning to the woman and the young man she was talking to, you scanned them closely, searching in their faces those features you kept for so long in your mind.

“Lady Bridgerton?”

The woman turned towards you with a gentle smile on her face, even though her eyes scanned you with a puzzled look. "Shall I know you, dear?"

"I believe not". You curtseyed, somehow remembering the manners you've been learning since you were born. "It has been a while since we last saw each other"

"Then would you please us with your name, miss?"

You moved your eyes on the young man, Anthony Bridgerton, his furrowed glare locked on you. He probably thought you were some crazy lady or whatever... he surely didn't remember.

"Of course, my lord. I'm-"

"Miss Y/L/N" Lady Bridgerton's eyes finally widened in recognition. She left her son's arm and took your hand in hers. "It has been quite some time. You left that you were just a child but now..." - she took another look at you, from head to toe - "you've bloomed into a beautiful woman"

You gently squeezed her hand. "It's a true joy seeing a friendly face in this buzzing crowd. You wouldn't believe what happened to me just-"

"Miss Y/L/N"

You tightened the grip on Lady Bridgerton's hand when Sir Hugh appeared by your side.

"I've finally caught up with you" he smiled, slick as he was in the garden. "I believe we could talk better on the dancefloor"

He stretched out his hand but you didn't want to take it; every inch of your body screamed to stay away from him. However you had no excuse to refuse him a dance without exposing yourself in the meantime.

You let go of Violet's hand, ready take Sir Hugh's, when a third hand broke in between the two of you.

"Sadly sir, miss Y/L/N is already engaged for this dance", and with that, Anthony guided you to the dancefloor, just in time for a waltz.

"I believe you just saved me" you sighed in relief, watching your suitor finally walking away. "I shall be forever in debt with you, Lord Bridgerton"

"Please, call me Anthony" he murmured with a knowing smile gracing his lips. "We know each other too well to be bothered by these titles"

You raised your eyebrows, faking surprise. "Are you to tell me you haven't changed in the slightest, my lord? Even after all these years?"

"Surely I have, but deep down I'm still the boy who ran with you down the hallways of our estate", and looking in his eyes, you caught a glimpse of the mischievous kid you once knew.

You smiled. "So you do remember me"

"My lady... you wound me". Anthony pulled you closer, leaning over your shoulder. "A gentleman never forgets his first kiss"

“A real gentleman would never discuss such matters while dancing with a lady” you reminded him. “Besides, we were nothing but two kids trying to emulate adults: I remember well the disgusted look on your face as you run back crying to your mother”

You noticed an hint of red on your partner’s face but he didn’t seem to care. “Shall I not cherish those old days regardless?” Anthony fixed your gaze in yours. “I recall adventures in the wild corners of the gardens, afternoons spent searching for treasures through my mother’s drawers and rainy days watching my father’s atlas on the settee near the library’s window...”

"...dreaming of all the places we would visit together" you finished for him, smiling fondly at those memories. "I do miss those times: everything was much more easier back then"

"Indeed" Anthony's grip on your hand slightly tightened as the look on his face grew serious. "Now, would you like to tell me what that man has done to put you in such distress a moment ago?"

You freezed in his arms, almost losing the tempo of the dance. "I don't think you would like to hear it..."

"That is for sure" he agreed. "But I need to know what happened. This way I shall find a way to help you"

"And how could you possibly help me?"

"You would be surprised by the power I have, miss Y/L/N". Then, after a twirl: "So? Are you going to enlighten me or shall I beg you?"

With a sigh, you told him what had happened in the gardens, even though the mere remembering gave you chills down your spine.

"I truly cannot understand why he did that" you told him, shaking your head. "I was just trying to make some new acquaintances and he seemed nice... but I did not gave him any hints that I fancied him!"

"I'm sure you didn't, but some men know nothing of honor and virtue". His knitted brow framed a marble face. "I shall make sure Sir Hugh Feversham is exposed for his actions. If he did something to you, rest assured that many other ladies will have more to say on the matter"

Finally, a smile appeared again on your face. "I can't find the words to convey how grateful I am to you, my lord"

"It's the least I can do for an old friend" he said, his mouth now mirroring yours.

For a moment, you just spinned around the room, letting the music guide your steps as you gazed in each other's eyes. You felt so light that it seemed your feet weren't even touching the floor.

"I know this might sound egoistical" Anthony said, breaking the silence, "but, as much as this experience must have been terrible for you, I'm delighted that it brought you back to me, Y/N". His hand moved to the centre of your back, his eyes never leaving yours. You didn't realise how disgracefully close the two of you had gotten. "I shall believe we will see each other more frequently from now on, if you still enjoy my company"

It took you a moment to realise the music had stopped and you two were now still on the dancefloor as everyone moved around like bees above flowers. A shaky breath left your lips.

"I fail to see how I could deny my presence to you after so long"

The smile Anthony gave you took away the last air in your lungs. Suddenly your corset felt too tight around your chest as he put a hand on your elbow to gently pull you to the side of the room. His mother was there, a pleased smile tugging her lips.

"You're a marvelous dancer, my dear, lighter than a butterfly" she said, before looking at you with worry. "Are you quite alright? You seem slightly overheated..."

"I'm feeling wonderfully, Lady Bridgerton. It has been a very pleasant dance, your son is very talented" you swiftly cut her off, taking the focus away from your flushed cheeks.

"I only wish he would show his hidden talents more often" she sighed, giving a side glare to Anthony who simply rolled his eyes. You stifled a laugh, curtseying once more.

"It's been the most welcome surprise meeting you here, Lady Bridgerton. Thank you for being so kind to me"

"The pleasure was all ours". She took again your hand in hers, smiling at you just like a mother would. "And I shall hope we will see you again soon. Perhaps tomorrow for tea? I'm certain your presence will be appreciated by everyone in the household"

You kindly accepted Violet's offer, promising to take her greetings to your mother.

She then eyed Benedict on the other side of the ballroom. "I shall go now and retrieve all my dear children". When Anthony offered his arm to her, she gently shook her head. "There's no need. I'm capable of wander through these rooms without a chaperone. But thank you, dear".

You watched her walk off to his second son and giggled seeing Benedict's resigned look when Violet caught his arm. Like a predator on its prey.

"Even after all those years, my family doesn't fail to make you laugh"

At Anthony's comment you felt the heat in the room rising once again. "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to offend-"

"You couldn't offend us even if you tried". He smiled again at you, earning a shy smile from you as well. Then he took your hand.

"Are you to dance with me twice in a evening, Lord Bridgerton?" you asked cheekily. "I wonder what the ton would say".

"As much as I would like to be the next front-page scandal of Lady Whistledown," he said, stroking his thumb on the back of your hand, "I shall now reunite with my family as well"

You lowered your gaze, cursing your boldness more than ever. "Of course, my lord"

"But it has been a pleasure dancing with you, miss Y/L/N. And trust my word when I say that isn't something I can often admit"

He didn't wait for your answer. He took your gloved hand to his mouth, placing on the fabric over your knuckles a light kiss. As your heart pounded against the strings of your corset, you never wished so hardly your skin was bare just were he touched it.

"Goodnight, miss Y/L/N". Anthony bowed. Then, his voice the softest whisper: "Tomorrow won't come fast enough, my lady, and I shall wait impatiently for us to be in the same room again"

Breathless, you watched him walk away, his phantom touch lingering on your hand. You slowly moved it to your mouth, placing a kiss just were he did and with closed eyes, it was like kissing his lips.

"Goodnight, Anthony"

[43sparrows]

w a n t e d - {Five x Reader} AU!

IMPORTANT: First, and most importantly, Five is not a teenager in this. Nor is he a 58 year old man. He never jumped, and he's the same age as the rest of his siblings. In this story that's early 20s. I so get why a lot of people are weirded out by Five stories, but his character is just too interesting to not explore the dynamics of him in a relationship. I think of it the same way I write for Harry Potter or Peter Parker.  

WARNINGS: Pining, angst, some mediocre smut

Word Count: 1508

Note: This will probably be a "series" of one shots. I can kind of see 3-5 coming from this idea.

Inspiration: “Love will subsist on wonderfully little hope but not altogether without it.” - Sir Walter Scott

- - [ 5 ] - -

The thing about Five is that he says what he has to. 

He never lies and he never sugarcoats, but he tells careful truths that open doors and shut blinds as he sees fit. He knows how to command language with the precision of a surgeon, or perhaps, more accurately, a sniper.

It's his actions that paint a clearer picture of his inner workings. Because Five never does anything that he doesn't want to do at some level. He's too brilliant for that--knows too many different ways to achieve the same end goal.

So you don't have a single question about whether or not he wants you. You know he does. He's shoved you up against a wall more times than you can count, pressing into you so you can feel his want on every inch of him. It's exhilarating, and for months it's been enough. But now, in the back of your mind, is the small pinprick of hope—just enough to be sharp and annoying— that maybe he could possibly want to be with you. 

This is ridiculous of course. 

If he wanted, you’d already be together. Sharing secret smiles instead of bedroom eyes.  Whispering about your future plans rather than instructions to fuck me harder or touch yourself. 

But he doesn't want you like that. He wants you desperately trying to keep quiet underneath him, sweat beading off his forehead as he chases a release from life in the Umbrella Academy. 

You let out a needy gasp as he lifts your leg and puts it over his shoulder. “Fuck,” he whispers, a hand coming up to brace himself against the headboard. 

A small spark of excitement bursts like a firework inside of your chest. Sounds hardly come out of Five when you are tangled in the sheets. Any words spoken are questions or commands. There's no praise. There's definitely no sweet nothings. There's hardly even dirty talk during the act. That comes before and it's only a means to an end. Kind of like his kisses.

When you first realized this, it became your mission to make him moan. To make him struggle to keep quiet for the sake of your roommate or, on the rare occasions you're at his place, his sister. But other than when your lips are wrapped around him, tongue caressing its way up his shaft, it seems like a near impossible task.

He, on the other hand, plays you like a fiddle. He knows exactly how to make you moan, whine, gasp, mewl, and make any other sound he wants to hear. This new angle has earned him more than one moan, muffled only by you biting your knuckle.

"You close?" he grunts, eyes fixated on the finger in your mouth.

You nod and he increases his pace slightly. You're constantly overwhelmed at how he seems to be able to push himself to be just a bit faster, just a bit harder, just a bit deeper. You still haven't found this boy's limits.

The tension that's been coiling in your stomach is winding its way up your spine, and you feel ready to snap at any moment. Five knocks your hand out of the way with his free one, sticking two fingers in your mouth. The action has you mounting even higher, but the look in his eyes when you start to suck on his fingers is what sends you over the edge. Your back arches as all breath leaves you, your high rushing through you and escaping around Five's fingers in a high pitched squeak. Five's pace stutters and finally he stills. 

He withdraws himself as soon as he's finished.

There's no aftercare. Sure there are the practical matters he takes care of. He diposes of the condom, gets you a washcloth, helps to locate the clothes you'd thrown elsewhere. But after that, he's gone. Popped out of existence. Like nothing happened.

This had been a welcome relief when you first met. When your friends had dragged you to a bar to forget about your ex. It wasn't that there was anything particular to forget. He had been a nice guy, the kind you bring home to your parents, the kind who was focused on forever. You simply hadn't been his. Maybe they wanted you to forget that. Maybe they wanted to ease the blunt force trauma of rejection. Maybe they wanted the night to pan out the way it had. 

You can still remember how it felt the first time he looked at you--how you could feel the weight of his stare before you even saw him. It didn't take long to find him--and when you did, meeting his eyes...it was the kind of gaze that crushed all of the air out of your lungs and set your skin on fire. Exactly what you needed that night. 

You'd given him a small smile and turned back to your friends' conversation. The next thing you knew he was next to you. 

"What are you drinking?" 

You swivelled in your seat to find the man across the bar standing next to you, gesturing with his chin for the bartender to come over. "Gin." 

He quirked an eyebrow as he eyed your almost empty glass. "That's not straight gin." 

You shook your head, raising the drink to your lips. "This is a gimlet," you said, finishing it off and placing the glass down in front of you. "That was a gin and tonic," you pointed at another glass that had yet to be collected. "I like to switch things up," you grinned at him. Behind you, your roommate giggled. The man, for his part, raised both of his eyebrows and ordered you a Tom Collins. He always knew just what to say.

The night fell away from you after that. It had to be the quick succession of drinks coupled with his intoxicating presence. Your friends had been quick to abandon you, leaving you and Five sitting at the bar together chatting about subjects lost to time and alcohol. You couldn't have been focused that much on the conversation because all you could remember was his warm, slightly calloused hand, sliding its way up from your knee and the hungry look in his eyes.

The pair of you didn't last much longer in the bar. It couldn't have been more than an hour or so before you were back at your apartment, tongues and teeth clashing together as the two of you ran into the walls, the island, your dresser, the edge of your bed. And then the clothes were off and your fingernails were raking down his back, and you felt more alive than you had all month. 

When you woke up with a monstrous hangover and delicious ache between your legs, you were alone. It had been a welcome surprise at the time. After all, you were surfacing after a wasted two years and extricating yourself from a one-night rebound was the last thing you wanted to do. You didn't want to have the clarifying "this was just sex, right?" talk. You didn't want the memory of feeling absolutely wanted to be tainted. 

You wanted the freedom. You wanted to feel alive. You wanted casual. 

And the powers that be had granted your request with an empty bed and a scrap of notebook paper with a scribbled phone number and three words: Had fun - Five

A knock sounds from your door and for a second you think it might be Five, but he never knocks. He always just appears. The first time he did it, you'd nearly pissed yourself. The smug bastard had smirked and said, "Oh, I didn't mention this?" And then a few short sentences later you fell into bed. 

It has to be your roommate. And you're in no state for a visitor. Your hair is still mussed, your lips swollen, and your room smells heavily of sweat and sex.

"Y/N?" her voice echos through the door, and you shut your eyes. "You guys want coffee?"

"Yeah, one sec." 

It takes more than one second. It takes five minutes alone to get your hair looking somewhat under control, and after noticing a dark hickey just above your collarbone, you have to switch shirts as well. By the time you exit your room, the coffee pot is beeping and your roommate is pouring you a mug and handing it off. Gratefully, you accept it, checking the clock on the microwave. 

11:27 am. A bit late to be exiting your room for the first time. A bit early for a booty call. Even for a Sunday. 

"He's gone?" your roommate asks, still hovering by the coffee pot as you take a seat at the kitchen table. You nod, cradling the drink in your hands as you take small, tentative sips at the edge. 

She heaves out a sigh and puts the third mug up into the cupboard. She should know by now: he doesn't stay. He doesn't want your coffee. He doesn't want your company. He only wants you. And he has you.

Read Part 2

[emersonfreepress]

ok ok in the spirit of community, how would the ros fair in a paintball war?

(referring to this ask! like the zombie au post this ended up making me think a lot 😅)

ohh... interesting, interesting... p sure the only paintball wars i’ve really seen were the ones featured in The League, Peep Show, and Community... but let me wrack my lil head...

ok, i ended up coming at this from multiple angles like the zombie au post 😅 always so much to consider in battle environments! and in the spirit of community, I'll stick with the individual player elimination style paintball match. in the woods with other e prep seniors. last one standing wins bragging rights

Gabe

Shooting skill | 6/10 - Experience with shooting and practice with Kile ofc

Stealthiness | 8/10 - He's done a fair amount of sneaking around during his after school activities, is super observant (or just paranoid lol), and naturally light on his feet. Good luck ambushing him.

Strategy | 8/10 - Strike deals. Do favors. Form alliances. Shoot 'em in the back once they’ve outlived their usefulness. ...What? It’s just paintball.

How does he win? | Graciously. Gabe likes winning, and especially via strategic manipulation, so it puts a smile on his face. And he's in a good mood so he treats a bunch of you to ice cream or smth 👀

How does he lose? | Slumps in frustration at being outwitted or taken off-guard, sulks about it for a little while. He's not that sore of a loser but needs time to lick his wounds and stop thinking of the different choices he could have made.

Kile

Shooting | 9 - The most accurate shooter of the cast and easily one of the best shots at E Prep. Lots of practice + talent

Stealth | 10 - They're stupid good at climbing trees and 100% consider that a valid method of ambushing their classmates. People start having flashbacks to 3rd and 4th grade recess and P.E. Scanning the trees. They just start taking people out with such efficiency it quickly starts ruining the game 😂

Strategy | 0? 10?? - “...Strategy? You just stay out of sight and kill 'em all, right?” (immediately scolded by Gabe for word choice 🙄) They really do mainly stay out of sight and pick people off with max stealth, like 😆 they'd be such a terror, people would need to take them out early for anyone else to stand a chance! They spend a lot of the game staking out the most frequented paths in the area and taking out groups quickly, all at once. Then they'll get around to stalking and picking people off one by one. The real fun...

Winner type | Stoic. Likes winning combat but the stakes were non-existent, so... the win is meaningless! this just infuriates the losers more 😅 such disrespect

Loser type | Sucks their teeth and tosses their paintball gun to the ground. "Y'all suck." (they're over it five mins later tho lol)

Jack

Shooting | 3 - This is nothing like shooting light guns... ☹️

Stealth | 5 - Not just due to his size making him an easier target, but homeboy is liable to get distracted by a cute squirrel or some pretty flowers 😂 He's not great at keeping his voice down either so good conversation would make him easy to seek out. He's just out here enjoying a beautiful day 😅

Strategy | 7 - All that movie-watching (and DMing) make him a valuable creative mind for problem-solving, but he needs a cooperative team to be effective. Rescued and recruited by Rupan/Rohan early on in the game ^ ^

Winner type | Disbelief! And everyone’s content and satisfied with him winning. Except Vivian/Vincent, that jealous fool

Loser type | Doesn't mind losing at all! He just hopes he was a good teammate and was glad to have fun ☺️

Jessie

Shooting | 7 - Comes from a family of hunters, girly knows how to shoot.

Stealth | 6 - Familiar enough with woods and stalking prey to be capable of sneaking around. Having too much fun to not giggle and get overly invested in the developing plot of the game. Even more easily distracted by critters and flora than Jack 😅

Strategy | 5 - Oh, she's just here to have fun. She'll go with whatever the person she's teaming up with decides, but can adapt easily enough.

Winner type | Surprised... then elated! Bouncing and happy and it's completely contagious. No hard feelings about a single thing. Convinces Heidi to invite people to the Emerson Estate—it's a hot day and they have a nice pool

Loser type | Same as Jack! Congratulates the winner with a hug because she's sweet like that 🧁

Rain

Shooting | 2 - This... thing is so cumbersome. And ugly. At least it shoots pretty colors.

Stealth | 7 - Small and used to sneaking around different environments and seeking out hiding spots. Their height and frame makes them harder to spot too.

Strategy | 4 - Hide!!! They’re not getting assaulted with paint and pellets!! Especially not after managing to make this ugly jumpsuit look cute?? Waiting it out is perfectly legitimate. Might share snacks if you decide to join them in hiding 😆

Winner type | Falls asleep in an unexpectedly cozy hiding spot and emerges as everyone thought they’d declared the winner. I imagine R and others yelling at them to get their gun while the original winner scrambles to get theirs, just for Rain to win by pure luck of the draw. Won’t stop them bragging about it, though! (I want this spurned runner-up to be Vi bc ofc)

Loser type | "So I can stop holding this thing?" Yawn. "I'm so hungry and bored, we've been at this for hours..."

Rupan/Rohan

Shooting | 4 - Ah, shit. These don't shoot anything like light guns.

Stealth | 7 - They sneak out and around town a lot 😂 They just force themself to be careful about how loud grass and bushes are.

Strategy | 7 - They’re treating this shit like an action movie and banding together a ragtag team of misfits to take down the strongest alliances and players. Savvy enough to reject Gabe’s and Curt’s offers to join, not opposed to strategic backstabs. They're very clearly just as focused on having fun as they are on winning—and playing Predator, which honestly works with Kile runnin around. They even brought war paint and borrowed a tactical vest. Is it mostly packed with snacks and weed? Maybe. Does it prove useful for negotiations? Hell yeah.

Winner type | Raucous celebration, just pure joy and adrenaline ☺️ Celebrates with their team, brags a bit, rubs it into Vi's face, makes fun of Curt, the usual. Then invites allies out to get pizza because it's the obvious next step

Loser type | Mostly disappointed they can't keep playing. They're a little sore about being left out of the action, but soon just start chatting with other marked players about how the game went for them. Plenty entertaining on its own, they want all the details

Vivian/Vincent

Shooting | 5 - They've got a little bit of shooting experience.

Stealth | 4 - They're overly sensitive and hate being in nature. Their skin is sticky, they keep feeling bugs everywhere, they've gotten dirt all over their pants, it's so hot, they keep WALKING into SPIDERWEBS, [flails about, screaming furiously]

Strategy | 8 - They have good ideas, they're just difficult to execute alone, especially since they're getting sunburnt and getting crankier and can't stop swatting at insects 😅 they're one of the first people to figure out that someone's taking out groups from the trees, so they stay solo and try to find a single person to team up with. Really what they need is someone who's a better shot but easy to boss around. They can probably just owe them for an in-school favor...

Winner type | Barely suppressed gloating. Vi somehow finds a way to be an obnoxious winner almost entirely by the look on their face. Once they're in a smaller group, they're passionately discussing the details of the game and happily boasting about their triumphs (while glossing over all of the whining and and slip-ups lol)

Loser type | Booo, such a sore loser. (Especially in the scenario where Rain wins 🤣) If they're outsmarted or outgunned in a clear, transparent way they'll growl and stomp off, then quietly glower and sulk for way too long. If they're double-crossed or beaten in an underhanded way oh lord —they're fighting it to the end. R can't help but get involved either way, reminding them it was a damn game with literally no prize. "C'mon, Vi, chill. You want ice cream? Let's get you ice cream."

Heidi

Shooting | 6 - Some shooting experience.

Stealth | 8 - She's very aware of her surroundings and her body. Perceptive yet quiet. Tactical. All residual traits picked up from her many activities over the years.

Strategy | 9 - Most likely to outsmart everyone. The first one to figure out groups are being targeted from the trees. Goes it alone and only open to trading (unless she sees Curt with Jess in which case she puts a quick pin in her plans to rescue her 😂). She also immediately figures out it's Kile, because ofc it is. Keeps close tabs on what groups are doing, knowing that eventually Kile will come down to ground level to pick off individuals and couples. Predator becomes prey 👀

Winner type | Proud but not boasting. She doesn't need to be. Victory looks good on her, natural and fitting. Thanks everyone for a good game then takes the girls for a long ride in the Cadillac 😎 top down on a bright day, baby

Loser type | Damn. She should have won this. Maybe if she'd... She probably could have... Then she snaps out of it, roped in by the celebratory mood of congratulating the winner. She's over any feelings of frustration or regret after getting to discuss the match with the person that took her out/the winner and there's no hard feelings. If anything this was fun as hell, it should be an annual thing. ☺️

Curt

Shooting | 8 - Some shooting experience and a natural knack for it. Good reflexes.

Stealth | 8 - Curt likes to say he gets along with the woods around these parts. Sneaking around is second nature to him. Really good hearing too. He's an easy target if you manage to seduce him though, having no issue leaving himself vulnerable if it means that kind of fun 😂

Strategy | 7 - Honestly, he's most interested in seeing how long he can get away with using charm and seduction for both protection and double-crossing 😂 Eventually becomes persona non grata and gets all of his ammo stolen by a vengeful mark, barely getting away in the process. Since that jig is up, he finally starts thinking a win might be nice... and so he teams up with the only competent player who would never betray him and also inspires the least vitriol in others: Jessie. What? Is his back-up plan using her as a human shield? No! 😚 Of course not! 👉👈

Winner type | Insufferable and gloating. Rubs it in a lot of people's faces, specifically Heidi, Rupan/Rohan, and any participants who genuinely don't like him. Brags to Gabe (who is completely disinterested in gassing him up 😂), then promises he'll make things up to Jessie (who didn't mind and had fun lol). Then celebrates by asking whoever he's flirting with these days for a quick date—and a ride in the Ferrari. Makes a scene pulling out of the parking lot. Ass.

Loser type | Doesn't care one bit as long as he had fun! And he always finds a way to have fun, it's why he's so carefree 😅

[mostlycompetentwriter]

“Back Door” (TMT Part 2)

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Han Jisung (SKZ); Some Mentions of Y/N x Bang Chan and Y/N x Changbin

Warnings: Language and Mature Content

Word Count: 5K

Genre: High School AU! Sequel!

Summary: In the grand scheme of things, Y/N should’ve known better than to expect everything to work out on its own. But is she ready to face the consequences of her actions?

A/N: Read TMT Here!!

The sun had barely peaked through the blinds when I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. 

It was both unexpected and jarring, and I winced at the dull, persistent ache, attempting to turn over onto my side, when I realized that I couldn’t because a strong grip was keeping me held in place. Then, there was nothing but dread overtaking the previous disorientation of my exhaustion, and I cringed when Jisung made a soft noise and pulled me even closer, burying his face against my shoulder.

“Shit!” I cursed under my breath, trying to free myself from his hold because the vestiges of panic were beginning to take root, and images from our previous night together were flying through my head at an exponential pace.

Holy shit! I slept with Jisung!

“Don’t think so hard, baby,” Jisung purred, and he was nipping playfully at the skin surrounding my collarbone.

The picture of confidence in contradiction to the shy little boy from the previous night who could barely keep his cock from falling out.

“I’m not,” I protested, even as I continued squirming around in his arms, feeling a shock travel up my spine when I accidentally felt his flaccid length against my thigh.

“Mmm,” Jisung murmured, breaths hot against my face as he pressed a kiss to the corner of my lip. “You still look pretty in the mornings.” He chuckled, reaching back with one hand to brush through his disastrous hair. “I’m sure I look like a mess.”

“Jisung,” I said as sternly as possible because I knew I needed to be forceful, to keep him from acting like this could be anything normal for us. Because he and I both needed to admit that this was a big mistake. “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Oh!” Jisung remarked, and I could breath a sigh of relief when he removed his arm from around my waist. “Hurry back.”

I rolled my eyes at his tone, cursing the existence of last night over and over again as I wrapped a blanket around my torso before moving through the house to the guest bathroom on the lower floor. “What the fuck have you done!” I groaned when I greeted my reflection in the mirror - eyes bloodshot from the alcohol, and feminine features holding so much tension from the horrors of the morning after whatever the hell I had allowed to happen between me and Jisung.

After all these years of dissuading Jisung’s advances, I just committed the worst sin of them all: I gave him an opening to the thing he wanted most from me. 

“Calm down,” I whispered to that grisly reflection, splashing water against my face as I sucked down multiple deep breaths.

“Y/N!” I heard Jisung call for me, even all the way downstairs separated by an entire floor.

It still wasn’t enough separation.

“Coming!” I shouted back because I knew I couldn’t avoid this, especially not with someone like Jisung. Someone who had been admiring me from afar from so long. Someone who was way too close to ignore because of his life-long friendship with Felix.

I couldn’t run from what I helped to create, so I gathered as much confidence as I could muster while still looking like shit in the mirror, walking slowly back upstairs while trying to make sense of the chaos breaking through the desire to live in an independent world where everything was fine.

“There you are,” Jisung chirped from where he had made himself comfortable at the counter in the kitchen, pouring milk into two glasses. “You wanna order some breakfast?”

“Not hungry,” I said, sliding into place in front of one of the glasses.

“Oh, sure,” Jisung replied, and he shook off my frigid tone. “The milk is good.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, watching him from the corner of my eye as he sat down next to me.

“I checked the date, so don’t worry,” he said with a giggle, perfectly at ease in the familiar setting of my kitchen. Except that nothing was normal, it couldn’t be taken that way after all the events that transpired last night.

“I trust you,” I whispered, looking down vacantly into the milky white liquid.

“Well, where do you want to go today?” Jisung asked, and I experienced the sharp sting of guilt - a nasty feeling weighing heavily on my chest - when his smile reached both corners of his eyes. “We can do what you want.”

“We should talk...” I said, trailing off when Jisung nodded.

“We can talk,” he agreed. “I like listening to you.”

“Jisung.” I sighed, hating that he was so nice because it made it difficult to say the things that would drive that smile away. “It’s kinda heavy...”

“You don’t have to say it then,” Jisung insisted, and I felt hurt all over again when I realized that he thought the words would affect me! That they might make me sad and he wanted to assure me that I never had to vocalize such difficult subjects. 

“I need to say it,” I continued. “I mean, there’re plenty of other things I’d rather do, but this is important.”

“Oh?” Jisung smirked, and I knew that his mind had traveled somewhere else. “Do you want to have sex again?” Jisung continued as if I had never spoken. “I had a lot of fun with you last night.”

“That’s the whole problem,” I said, swallowing hard before pushing it out. “Jisung, about last night-”

DING DONG!

I frowned when the sound of the doorbell ringing interrupted my chain of thought, especially when Jisung was so quick to scoot off his chair to answer whoever it was waiting on the other side. “Hold on,” I said, following behind him just in time to see the person standing on the porch. “Chan?”

“Hey,” Chan greeted us, and his previous smile was displaced by a chastened look, searching between the two of us with a curious expression. “Were you two together?”

“Jisung stays over sometimes,” I said, talking over Jisung before he could proclaim us as soulmates. 

“Ah,” Chan nodded. “So, you’re not busy?”

“Not right now,” I agreed, trying to push off a stubbornly persistent Jisung while Chan continued to study us from the porch.

“Okay, well, Changbin’s having a party at his place tonight,” Chan said. “If you guys want to come.”

“I don’t know...”

“We’d love to,” Jisung intervened, taking his turn to speak over me, but I couldn’t think of a worse scenario.

“Great,” Chan said, and his smile was back as he started to retreat. “I’ll see you guys there.”

Saturday

I couldn’t change Jisung’s mind, which meant that my arm was neatly tucked into his as he led us up the sidewalk to Changbin’s lavish home.

Although, mansion might be a more accurate description.

“Are you excited?” Jisung asked, pulling me away from my study of the intimate ornate columns and impressive Greco-Roman inspired architecture.

“Once I get ahold of some alcohol,” I grumbled, and Jisung laughed like it was the funniest thing I had ever said to him.

“We’ve got you covered, baby,” Jisung said, and I rolled my eyes at the petname, especially when he was using it on me.

Especially when he continued using it on me. All. Week. Long.

Walking up to Changbin’s house in the middle of the night while listening to Jisung talk about the man in question like they had known each other for their entire lives.

“I wonder where he is?” Jisung questioned when we joined the impossible fray of students - high school and college alike - spreading throughout the grandeur space inside.

“I might know a few places,” I murmured because Jisung wasn’t meant to overhear, and my eyes were drawn to the secluded corners of the house, the places that Changbin seemed inclined to escape to just like the first night we met one another. 

“Let’s find something to drink,” Jisung said, and I nodded my head and followed him into the other room.

It didn’t take long to find a couple beers, twisting off the tops and drinking while several students - probably friends of Chan and Changbin who had introduced their new third piece - crowded around me and Jisung to ask him questions about the 3racha.

“We’re releasing a special project soon,” Jisung said, and I could tell he was enjoying the attention.

But it must be nice to get some recognition for a passion that you had spent years perfecting.

It also provided the perfect opportunity for me to slip away from his careful eye, wandering back into the main room where a familiar figure captured my attention hidden away near the fireplace in the den.

“Y/N,” Changbin greeted me with his familiar smirk, beckoning me closer while drinking from his glass.

“I thought you might be away from the action,” I said, feeling a bit more comfortable next to Changbin, and far from the prying eyes of the other students.

“It gets crowded,” he said, and we both turned to the sudden sound of raucous laughter, emanating from the same room where I had just left. “You came with Jisung?”

“Yeah, but he found some admirers,” I said, attempting to make a joke of the situation.

“You two must be together,” Changbin remarked, and the corner of his mouth lifted into something resembling an arrogant look. “He acts like it.”

“Don’t mind him,” I said, rolling my eyes. “We haven’t really talked about things.”

“Oh?” Changbin hummed. “Why is that?”

“Because it was a mistake,” I insisted, but saying it loud didn’t necessarily reflect the confusing ball of emotions that I felt buried away around my heart.

“Mistake?” Changbin repeated, and his eyes glossed over with a mischievous gleam, reaching down for my hand to pull me along with him upstairs. “That’s interesting.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, but I didn’t protest when he opened the door to what I imagined to be his bedroom, slamming it closed behind him before leading me over to the bed. 

“Jisung wouldn’t agree with you,” Changbin said, and he pushed me down onto the mattress. “In fact, Jisung told me before that you were the love of his life.”

Changbin rolled his eyes at the cheesy sentiment, crawling over top of me with a predatory glare. “Jisung doesn’t know anything about love,” I retorted, and my body was responding to Changbin’s advances, craving his skilled touches as I guided his hand down to the hem of my skirt.

“Remember when I finger-fucked you in my car?” he whispered directly into my ear, free hand coming down to hold my waist.

“Yes,” I whined in return, swallowing hard when his fingers moved along the sensitive skin of my inner thighs, snapping the band of my panties into place when they reached even higher, leaving intimate goosebumps in their wake.

“Do you want me to do it again?” he growled in a low timber that sent shivers down my spine.

“Please,” I panted against his lips, desperate for him to eliminate the remaining distance between us....

But then the spell was broken.

Jarring us both away from one another, gazes drawn to the door.

“What the hell are you two doing!”

“Shit!” I cursed, pushing Changbin back as my eyes immediately flew to Jisung’s horrified expression. Standing in the doorway to Changbin’s bedroom with his mouth almost reaching the floor.

“Relax,” Changbin spoke nonchalantly, sitting back on his knees. “Why are you so tense?”

I roughly elbowed him in the side, deciding that he was far too much of a jerk in that moment to warrant anything less. 

Still, there was the issue of Jisung who had obviously taken precedence, and everyone was silent while I tried to formulate something. Any semblance of an explanation that might help me avoid an impending meltdown. “Jisung-”

“No!” Jisung screeched, and I was taken aback at the primitive noise that had just come from him. “You won’t treat me like this.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped in return.

“Don’t play stupid, Y/N,” Jisung continued, and I was surprised to see Jisung acting so unhinged. “You know how I feel about you. I’ve always tried to show you that much, but then I bring you here and you sneak off to try and fuck Changbin?”

I opened my mouth to say anything, but there was nothing that could’ve prepared so this onslaught of passionate rage from Jisung. The same boy who usually batted his eyelids at me and giggled at jokes from his friends.

“We never talked about anything,” I eventually said.

“You never gave us a chance,” Jisung said, and I realized that he was right, even though I tried the other morning.

There had always been plenty of chances.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, but Jisung scoffed and gave me a bitter-sounding laugh.

“You’re not sorry,” he said, and the words echoed around inside my head, even after he left without any further consideration for me.

“Well, that was weird,” Changbin chuckled, and he started to kiss me again, like nothing had even transpired.

“What the hell are you doing?” I hissed at him. “Are you serious?”

“Why not?” Changbin shrugged. “We’re both just looking for a quick fuck, right?”

“Is that what you think?” I asked him. “That I’m just a quick fuck?”

“Obviously,” Changbin snorted. “Haven’t I been playing you just right this entire time, baby?”

I nearly screamed at his mocking use of Jisung’s petname, shouldering past him in my haste to get away from him. “You’re a dick,” I growled, even as the sharp sting of tears threatened to expose my façade of masked indifference, and I refused to show someone who had manipulated my emotions that they were even remotely successful in making me feel completely useless.

I had the radio playing in the background when I drove to Chan and Changbin’s studio the next morning.

There was a part of me that wanted to make peace with Jisung, on the off chance that he was even there, but an even bigger part who just wanted to hide from those confusing emotions. To choose something even more powerful to mask the hurt.

Lust, for example, which guided me into the studio where I discovered Chan sitting behind a computer in one of the production rooms.

“Y/N,” he said, noticing my arrival and removing his headphones. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

“I just wanted to come by,” I said, sauntering closer to him, hoping that he could pick up on what I wanted from him.

“Jisung isn’t here,” Chan said, and I flinched at his name but remained undeterred.

“I’m not here for him,” I said, lowering my tone. 

“I heard what happened at the party,” Chan tried again, but I didn’t allow him to finish his thought, straddling his thighs before locking our lips together in a desperate kiss. “Y/N,” he spoke in the very limited space between our mouths, clashing and bruising together.

“Just fuck me, please,” I begged him, digging my fingers into his shirt as I forced our lips together once again.

“No,” Chan groaned, and I was more than taken aback when he pushed me away. Not enough to send me sprawling out of his lap, but enough to make a clear point.

“Why?” I whispered, feeling myself teeter on the edge of tears which didn’t make any sense. There was no reason to be upset, and I blamed Jisung and the way he messed with my most volatile emotions,

“I shouldn’t have done anything with you,” Chan said. “It was a stupid competitive thing with Changbin.”

“You regret it?” I asked, breaking the skin of my lower lip between my teeth, tasting blood before Chan sighed and forced me to relax.

“Maybe that was the wrong thing to say, but after hearing Jisung talk about you...” Chan trailed off, and I was suddenly even more upset when he left me to fill in the blanks.

“I didn’t come here to talk about Jisung,” I said, feeling my mental state perform a complete 180, wiping away any evidence of those pesky tears.

“You came here to avoid him,” Chan said. “But is it really the right thing to do?”

“Since when do you care?” I asked with a harsh exhale, and Chan nodded like he was perfectly accepting of my anger.

“I don’t deserve to be on good terms with you,” Chan continued. “Changbin and I...we were both very manipulative with our intentions.”

“You took advantage of me,” I hissed, and Chan’s eyes widened as he shook his head fiercely.

“No!” he said, and it was very stern. “I would never do that to anyone! Well, I mean, I’m terrible with relationships.”

I frowned. “You should’ve told me. The upfront dishonesty is not appreciated.”

Chan sighed at my implication. “Look, I told you that I can’t seem to get anything right, but if there’s one person who was always honest with you-”

“Jisung,” I interrupted him with a sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

“Seriously, Y/N,” Chan said, taking a firm grip on my chin to force my eyes to meet his own. “Talk to him. Forget about me and Changbin.”

“That’s hard to do since Minho likes you,” I quipped, and he chuckled.

“You can pretend to like me,” Chan offered, and I shrugged because maybe it was a good compromise.

“Fine, pretending works,” I said. “Especially since you’re kind of an asshole.”

Chan winced at my words. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“I’m glad we’re in agreement, but I came here to do something stupid again,” I said. “I guess I failed.”

“Not really,” Chan said, and he reached behind him for a discarded piece of paper. “Come watch us perform this weekend,” Chan said, holding out the flyer which I accepted. “Make it up to him.”

I gritted my teeth together, reading the headline of the flyer before looking back at Chan. “He won’t forgive me.”

“Well, not until you come to terms with what you want first,” Chan said, and I knew that he was right. 

“I don’t think I want him...”

“Are you sure about that?” Chan asked. “Think hard on it, and I’ll save you a good seat and a bottle of beer.”

“That’s hard to resist,” I said, and I slowly gathered myself out of his lap, readjusting my clothes and brushing off the imaginary dust that couldn’t possibly have collected on the fabric. “I’ll see you soon then.”

Chan nodded, holding out his hand for me to shake. “Consider it a peace offering.”

I scoffed at the display, but accepted his extension of peace or whatever nonetheless. 

Yeah, he made it hard to stay mad at him, even though he deserved every bit of my wrath, but he also made it hard not to see the obvious reasoning with making things right with Jisung. 

One of the few people in my life who had never been anything but kind.

It was Saturday night, and I was nervous and anxious when I walked inside the venue where 3racha would be performing.

Thankfully, my brothers had also been invited, and I found them in the crowd quickly, determined to stick to their sides until I had enough confidence to face Jisung alone. 

“Get ready!” Felix shouted when the overheard music turned down low, signaling the crowd to turn their attention towards the stage where Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were all walking out, microphones in hand.

I shifted next to Minho when I noticed Jisung, decked out in an all-black ensemble, beanie cap pulled low over his eyes. 

“Looks like Jisung invaded Chan’s closet,” Minho quipped, and Felix snorted around his drink while I found myself studying the way his lithe figure was heavily accentuated by the tight leather.

“3rd Eye, are you ready to get loud?” Chan bellowed into the microhome, and the crowd answered his call with raucous yelling as thumping, heavy bass music began to play in the background.

And then, right before my very eyes, little Han Jisung, Felix’s dorky best friend, stepped forward to the edge of the stage and started to rap his lyrics at a speed that surely defied the very barrier of space and time?

“Holy shit,” I said, finding myself drawn into Jisung’s careful handling of the beat, riding its dips and flaws with mastery, leading the crowd with some kind of invisible magnetism. “Jisung is really good!”

“Of course, he is,” Felix scoffed, like I should’ve known better. “He’s been practicing since middle school.”

“He has?” I returned, but the question went unanswered as Felix enthusiastically continued to cheer for his friend, and I was caught up in the whirlwind of the crowd’s enthusiasm while my own heart beat incredibly fast for several much different reasons.

Their stage ended on a high, and I found that my voice was hoarse from screaming with the rest of the patrons, clapping like a madwoman while 3racha disappeared backstage. 

“Let’s see if we can find, Sung,” Felix suggested, and any prior elation was gone as I remembered my original purpose for coming here.

“I’d love to congratulate him,” Minho agreed, and I reluctantly followed my brothers to the backstage entrance where a bouncer noticed them and waved them forward.

Must be some kind of friend privileges.

Regardless, it brought me to where I needed to be, and I hesitated when we were pulled even deeper between sound equipment and storage containers.

“Where are they?” Minho asked.

“I see Chan,” Felix said, pointing ahead of us, and I bit back my disappointment at finding Chan first.

“You guys made it,” Chan said, coming over to greet us, giving Minho some weird, elaborate handshake.

I rolled my eyes at their boyish oddities, glancing around the backstage area, not looking for anything in particular, until....

Jisung. Standing over there with another girl.

I froze, watching as Jisung leaned in closer to whisper directly into her ear in a decidedly intimate exchange.

“Jisung?” I whispered, and it was enough to steal Minho’s attention who followed my gaze with a chuckle.

“Does Jisung have a girlfriend?”

I swallowed hard at the question, the bitter taste of disappointment, and I ran despite Minho and Felix calling my name. Despite the overbearing sensation of Jisung’s eyes following me the entire time.

It was late when my brothers came home, discovering me sitting alone in the living room.

Felix was the first to react, releasing a loud sigh before he came to sit next to me on the couch. “Rough night?” he asked, voice gruff from the exertion of screaming at the concert.

“You could say that,” I muttered in return, picking at the stitching on the pillow in my lap.

“I guess this is about Jisung,” Minho added, coming to stand in front of me with that stupid concerned look on his face.

“Forget it,” I said. “It isn’t anyone else’s business.”

“Jisung is my friend,” Felix said, and he seemed affronted. “It actually is my business.”

“Fine,” I snapped, turning to glare at Minho. “But you can’t say anything.”

“Yes, I can,” Minho replied. “Because I’m usually the only one who can get you to listen!”

I frowned at the assertion, slumping down even lower against the cushions. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too bad,” Minho said, and he stubbornly collapsed next to me despite my warning. “Chan told us everything.”

I sat up immediately, feeling my mouth drop open as I looked at Minho. “What do you mean?”

“We know you have a thing for Jisung,” Minho teased.

“No, I don’t!”

“Then why were you all angsty when you saw him with that other girl?” Felix intervened, snickering at my awe-struck expression. “Besides, you don’t think Jisung wasn’t bragging about finally sleeping with the love of his life?”

“I’m not the love of his life,” I grumped. “He clearly doesn’t care about me.”

“Then you’re blind and stupid,” Felix said, thoughtful as always. But then his expression turned serious. “Y/N, Jisung’s been in love with you since middle school, and I should know because he never shut up about you.”

I sighed at the admission, wrestling with the incessant desire to keep my mouth shut and that smaller part of me that longed to confess everything. “I never knew I wanted him,” I said. “Until I saw him with that other girl...how fucked up is that?”

“It’s not fucked up,” Minho said. “Sometimes, it takes...extraneous circumstances to convince us of our feelings.”

“Especially if that person is you,” Felix continued. “You’re stubborn to a fault.”

“Am not!” I huffed, realizing only a moment later that I was proving their point.

“Look, just give him a chance to explain himself, Y/N,” Minho said. “You clearly owe him an apology, and you both have a lot to talk about.”

“I know,” I begrudgingly agreed, and it was only after I thought about how utterly destroyed I felt after seeing Jisung tonight that I was struck with the weight of importance for what I had to do.

It was Chan’s idea, really, to invite me back to the studio, conveniently at the same time when Jisung was set to record his part for their next single.

At first, I resisted because I didn’t want to interrupt Jisung at work, but then my brothers reminded me that it probably had a lot more to do with myself refusing to face up to my mistakes rather than some kind of respect for professional boundaries.

Nonetheless, I had no idea what I planned to say to Jisung because I could rehearse a given set of words a thousand times, but when it came to actually confronting him, they could all disappear from my head. And instead of floundering around trying to remember them all, I think it might be better to talk to him in the moment as I formulated some semblance of a worthy apology for the hurt I had caused him.

It was also still new, this coming to terms with the fact that Felix’s best friend might be someone who could mean something more to me than that kid who always flirted and shyly whispered hello’s and goodbye’s whenever he came over to spend the night.

But maybe talking would help me figure things out, and after knocking on the studio door, I put on my best smile when Jisung’s face appeared from the other side.

Unfortunately, he wore a scowl that could scare even the bravest of souls, and I was more or less intimidated after asking him if I could come inside. 

“I guess,” Jisung said, leaving the door open for me to close before returning to his seat at the production stand.

“So,” I started, trailing off as I glanced around the room. “This is a nice set-up.”

“Yeah,” Jisung said, offering nothing more, and telling me all I needed to know about his openness to starting a conversation with me.

“Right,” I agreed, clearing my throat. “Uh, Jisung? I just wanted to apologize for the other night at the party. It was really out of line for me to act the way I did.”

“Huh,” Jisung scoffed. “I don’t think you really mean that.”

I winced at his dismissal. “I’m being genuine.”

“Hard for me to tell,” Jisung replied, and I shook my head because this was going horribly wrong and I expected him to kick me out at any moment. 

“Your performance was good the other night,” I tried again. “I really like the music, and your rapping is super good.”

“Thanks,” he muttered dryly.

“Seriously,” I insisted. “You’re really talented, and I guess other people noticed before me, which is stupid. But I’m happy for you, and I just want you to do whatever brings you the best opportunities....Oh! And I think your girlfriend is really pretty, not that it’s any of my business-”

“Girlfriend?” Jisung interrupted, turning around to look at me with a confused expression.

“Yeah? The girl I saw you with backstage the other night?” I said, wondering if Jisung was acting this way on purpose.

“You mean my cousin?” he asked, wrinkling his nose in obvious revulsion. “Why would you assume that?”

I groaned, resisting the urge to bang my head against the wall because I was only making things harder and even more awkward. “I didn’t know...I guess it just surprised me, and I took off...” I paused at the confession, fanning myself with one hand. 

“You thought I was dating someone else?” Jisung said. “And it made you feel...?”

“Betrayed,” I sighed, bowing my head in shame. “I guess you probably felt the same way when you saw me with Changbin.”

Jisung frowned, cheeks dusted with red as he considered me. “Yeah, Y/N, I wasn’t happy to see you with someone else after everything that happened between us.”

“I’m sorry, Jisung,” I whispered. “For everything. I’m literally the worst person on Earth, and you don’t even have to pretend to forgive me or anything. You can just ignore whenever you come over....I probably deserve it.”

Jisung shook his head, playing with the pen held poised between his fingers. “I won’t ignore you.”

I raised my head to meet his gaze. “Honestly, Jisung, seeing that girl the other night made me feel even more ridiculous because I shouldn’t need something like that to happen to make me realize that I really do like you.”

“Y/N...”

“No, really!” I insisted. “I’ve always seen you as Felix’s best friend, but that was stupid and wrong, and I’m sorry for making you hurt and leading you on or whatever. So, like, I needed to tell you how horrible I am, and you can take the apology or curse my existence, whatever! I just needed you to know.”

There was a long moment of quiet between us, and Jisung kept looking at me like he was trying to see past me. 

“You are kinda ridiculous,” Jisung finally said, and I released a deep breath that I didn’t know I had been holding.

“I talked to Felix and Minho,” I said. “They told me that you’ve always liked me.”

“Yeah,” Jisung said, a little bit sheepishly as his ears turned bright red. “That’s always been a thing.”

I giggled at his words. “So...what do we do now?”

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, but there was something resembling a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Whatever we want, maybe?”

My smile grew wider because it wasn’t anything like a label, but that just might be the right direction for the two of us. Taking the time to come together after having our paths zig-zag in opposing directions for so long. “Okay,” I agreed, feeling the cold distance minimize like an imaginary conveyor belt was pulling us closer. “Let’s go with that: whatever we want.”

[svtwritess]

Chapter 4

➫ word count: 7.6k

➫ pairings: wonwoo x female reader, mingyu x female reader

➫ genre: fluff, angst, smut

➫ college!au, vampire!au

➫ warnings: alcohol, mentions of food, swearing, sexual content

A week had passed since Wonwoo’s outburst, and things had returned back to normal. Minus the fact that you had to consciously stop yourself from telling your best friend about Mingyu. It was hard since he was your only form of social life outside of Wonwoo, but you sucked it up for the purpose of the deal you made with him. You had spent so much time with Mingyu and you were extremely happy about it. He took you out to lunch after the class you had together and mentioned that he wanted to make it a weekly thing, to which you happily agreed. He had also picked you up from each of your classes, waiting outside the door with your favorite coffee in his hand, prepared to walk you to your apartment. He would usually stay over until right before Wonwoo was supposed to come home and much to your delight, things usually got relatively heated for at least a little while. You didn’t know what you did to be treated so well, but you were in far too deep to question it.

You were currently on the phone with Mingyu who was trying his hardest to convince you to go to another party, one that was happening that night, and you were refusing profusely. 

“I’m sorry but no! Why can’t we just watch a movie or something?” you whined, picking at the fur on one of your stuffed animals as you sat on your bed.

“Because my friends are gonna be there and I really want you to meet them! You don’t even have to dress up, just wear jeans or something.” he whined back, his pleading tugging at your heartstrings very effectively.

“Well if I’m meeting all of your friends, I’m gonna wear more than just jeans.” you smiled to yourself, feeling happily defeated.

“Soooo is that a yes?” you could hear the cheeky grin on his face from through the phone.

“Yes, now tell me when and where it is before I change my mind.” you giggled, standing up and walking over to your closet. You opened it excitedly, knowing exactly what you were going to wear. 

“I’ll pick you up at 9 okay? Meet me at the entrance to your place, and try to stay awake until then.” he teased and you nodded, forgetting that he couldn’t see you.

“Will do, see you later.” 

“Byeee.” he said, ending the phone call in just as much of an endearing way as he started it. 

You checked the time on your phone before locking it and tossing it on your bed. It was 8:10, giving you a little less than an hour to get ready. If there was something you’d learned about Mingyu in the past week, it was that he was very punctual, and very proud of the fact. 

You took the dress you were going to wear out of your closet, admiring it for a moment. It was a dark pink color, flowers scattered here and there, with a high v-neck and short sleeves. It hugged your body in the most flattering way and fell to your mid-thigh, but those were the only ways in which it was revealing. 

You took your shoes out of your closet as well before going to get your makeup bag. You only planned to wear a small amount, just enough to make an… impressive first impression. 

You played some music as you got ready, taking your time getting dressed and applying your makeup. You even put on some of your favorite perfume before slipping on your socks and shoes. You grabbed a small purse from one of your drawers and threw your phone in it, preparing to put your keys in it as well. You stepped out of your bedroom and went to grab your keys that you knew were on the counter by the door. 

“Where are you going?” Wonwoo asked from the couch, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose with a bowl sitting in his lap. 

“Just… out.” you shrugged, throwing your keys into your bag and heading out the door. You knew if you went to explain further you would end up saying more than he needed to know, so you decided to skip it. Wonwoo would figure out who you were with soon enough. 

As you walked toward the entrance to your apartment complex, you saw Mingyu’s tall figure approaching. He was dressed in a thin black sweater that was made of slightly see through material, light blue jeans that made his thighs look amazing, and black sneakers. You were finally close enough to hear each other and his eyes widened. 

“Wow…” Mingyu breathed out, “This is casual for you?” he laughed in awe as he pulled you in by your waist, his brown orbs full of admiration.

“Maybe, is that an issue?” you asked, running your hands up his arms, admiring the way the black of his shirt complimented his honey-colored skin. 

“Not at all.” he smirked, placing a quick kiss on your lips. “You ready?” 

You nodded happily and reached down to take his hand in yours. “Let’s go!” 

You walked in silence toward wherever the party was, it seemed like it was in a similar spot to the previous party location. Though when you arrived at the house, it was much smaller than the one last weekend and it seemed like there were way less people there. Upon entering, it felt more like a get together than a party, but you almost preferred that. 

There were still people dancing with cups full of alcohol in their hands under low, colored lighting, but the environment was much more relaxed. Mingyu led you down to the basement where there were people sitting on couches and conversing, a thin layer of smoke covering the room. He walked you over to a small leather couch in the back corner where 4 men around your age were seated, two on the loveseat and two on the floor. 

“Y/n, these are the guys.” he motioned outward with his hand and they all looked up at you, eyes wide. They stood up frantically and straightened their clothes out before smiling at you. The first 3 were giving you sweet, cheeky smiles, while the other was smirking at you with his arms crossed over his chest. “This is Chan, Vernon, Jihoon, and Jeonghan.” 

You couldn’t deny that they were all attractive, but not as attractive as Mingyu, at least in your opinion. Chan and Jihoon had an endearing, youthful vibe to them, while Vernon seemed very chill, and Jeonghan seemed… unique. 

They all said their hello’s and you said hi back, your nerves suddenly settling in.

“So this is the girlfriend huh?” Jeonghan said, a cocky tone to his voice. Your cheeks heated up as you held back a smile, and just as you were about to protest, Mingyu spoke up.

“I guess that would be the best way to describe it, yeah.” he laughed nervously. Your jaw dropped slightly and looked up at Mingyu in disbelief. Your entire face was now red, not expecting to gain that title this evening, even if he seemed a little apprehensive about it. You were itching to have that conversation, but you knew you needed to save it for after the party. 

“Well good for you guys. Are you hanging out with us tonight?” Jihoon said as they all returned to their places on the couch or carpet. 

“We were planning on it, if that’s okay.” Mingyu replied. They all nodded, Chan still with a small smile on his face. Mingyu led you to the wall opposite of where you were standing and sat down against it, patting the spot next to him. You sat as appropriately as you could, with your legs bent so that your knees pointed toward Mingyu. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was the only way you could sit without flashing the entire party. Mingyu put his hand on your thigh and smiled at you. 

“Here,” Jeonghan said as he held a jacket out to you, “for your legs.” his voice was quiet and he almost seemed shy, which was a huge contrast to his smug presence you had just witnessed. 

“Thank you,” you said appreciatively before draping the coat over your lower body. Your “boyfriend” seemed happy about the interactions that had happened thus far as his thumb rubbed your leg comfortingly. 

“So, Vernon over there is dating a guy named Seungkwan, he’ll be here later. You know him?” Mingyu asked and your face lit up at the mention of a familiar name.

“Oh yeah! I only met him once, but I think he knows my roommate. He seems really nice.” you said, a small smile on your face. You were happy someone you actually knew would be joining you. Even if you only met in passing, seeing a face you’d seen before would further comfort you.

“Oh he’s nice, and have you seen his ass?” Jeonghan said playfully before Vernon reached up and hit his arm, though Jeonghan simply laughed as he rubbed the spot. You laughed at the exchange, seeing Mingyu smiling at you from the corner of your eye.

“Well I’m gonna go get a drink, you want anything?” Mingyu asked.

“One of whatever pleeease.” 

He kissed the top of your head before standing up and exiting the basement. 

“So you know about the, you know, thing, right?” Chan asked once Mingyu was gone, sitting criss-cross applesauce on the seat of the couch.

“Th-the thing?” you questioned. You assumed he meant Mingyu being a vampire, but you weren’t sure if they knew he was as well.

“Yeah! Being dead, not being able to go out in the sunlight, can only be killed by wooden stakes, that stuff?” he said way more casually than you would’ve expected him to. 

“Yeah, yeah he told me about that,” you nodded, trying to match his level of calmness, “but is all of that really true?” you asked, genuinely curious. 

Every single one of them laughed out loud. 

“Well we’re dead, sure, but that’s about the only thing that’s accurate.” Jeonghan replied. Did he say… we?

“Wait… are you all-”

“Yeah, we are,” Vernon stopped you, “Jeonghan here is the oldest, then Mingyu, then me, then Chan.” 

You nodded in understanding, not really sure how to react. You now had an apparent vampire “boyfriend” who had 4 hot vampire friends. You wouldn’t have picked Twilight to be the book your life turned into, but admittedly you weren’t complaining. 

“So… does Seungkwan know too? Just so I know if I should bring it up or not.” 

“Yeah, he knows. He was really cool about it too.” a small smile made its way onto the 2nd youngest vampire’s face as Mingyu re-entered your corner with 2 red cups in his hand. He handed you one and you thanked him before he returned to his spot next to you. 

“Have there been people who weren’t cool about it?” you asked out of curiosity, not realizing the true weight of the question. Mingyu had a confused look on his face as the other 3 looked at each other, puzzled. 

“Well, yeah, but that never ends well, so we’re glad the two of you were accepting of it.” Jihoon told you, a dismissive look on his face. You so badly wanted to know exactly what he meant by that, but as it was only your first time meeting him, you didn’t push the topic.

You took a sip of your drink, your tastebuds instantly captivated by a yummy vodka and punch mixture. Mingyu returned his hand to your thigh, though this time on top of the jacket. 

“Is it okay if I ask how old you guys are? I thought Mingyu would be older than he actually was.” you told the group and they all chuckled. 

“I’m 212, give or take a few years. Keeping track gets hard after a while.” Jeonghan answered. You chuckled lightly before Vernon spoke up.

“I just turned 100. Not gonna lie it feels really cool to say that.” he smiled confidently at his own words. 

“I’m 22. I haven’t even been turned for a year yet, so I’m still learning,” he said shyly with a small shrug. He was so cute.

“You remember that crash you heard on the phone the other day?” Mingyu asked and you nodded. “That was him.” he pointed at Chan, causing Jeonghan to poke at him teasingly. 

“So Chan’s your roommate?” you turned to Mingyu and he nodded. You were really glad you got to meet his friends and you were really glad that they were nice. 

When your eyes left Mingyu, you saw Seungkwan walking toward your group. He had on a white sweater and black pants, his hair looking fluffy and as if it would be soft to the touch. 

Vernon stood up and greeted him with a hug before pecking his lips and plopping back down on the couch. Seungkwan took a seat on his boyfriend’s lap and Vernon wrapped his hands around Seungkwan’s waist. Their position caused your mind to flash back to when you saw Wonwoo and coffee girl, who you still refused to call by name, at the last party. You tried to suppress the memory as best as you could. 

“Seungkwan, this is Y/N.” Mingyu said as he motioned to you. Seungkwan’s jaw dropped slightly and pointed at you with his eyebrows furrowed, as if he was thinking, then he smiled.

“Oh you were with Wonwoo! At the party last weekend! How are you?” he asked cheerfully, getting up from Vernon’s lap and walking over to you. He bent down to give you a hug, and had you known that’s what he was doing you would have gotten up to greet him as well. You hugged him back as your heart fluttered at his kind gesture. You already hoped you could be friends with him. 

“I’m good, thanks. It’s really good to see you.” you said as he pulled away and his grin only widened. 

“You too!” you expected him to go back to where he was sitting, but he stayed standing in front of you. “Are you guys just gonna… sit here?” he asked, motioning to the small area you were sitting in with his hands. 

“I mean we could do something, but what?” Chan questioned.

“Oh! Let’s go play beer pong!” Mingyu came alive as he put his idea out in the open. You had never played it before, but as long as you were in good company, and you were, you didn’t care what you did. 

“I’m down. As long as you guys are prepared to lose.” Jeonghan said, his cocky side returning. 

“Me too. As long as you’re prepared for the ass beating I’m gonna give you when you cheat.” Mingyu spit back at Jeonghan, causing everyone except Jeonghan to laugh.

“Let’s go!” Vernon said before everyone stood up. Mingyu offered his hand to you and you took it, allowing him to pull you up with essentially no effort at all. You tied Jeonghan’s jacket around your waist and followed the others to the back patio.

The back of the house reeked of weed, but you hoped that your nose would simply get used to it. There was a ping pong table on the concrete, and right when you began to question where the beer pong stuff was, Vernon and Seungkwan appeared with cups, beer bottles, and ping pong balls in their hands. You asked if you could help set things up, but Mingyu insisted that you didn’t need to, so you stood back and admired Mingyu’s active form from a distance. 

With so many of them putting the game together, it was ready to play in no time. You were on a team with Mingyu and Seungkwan and were playing against Jeonghan, Jihoon and Chan. Vernon told the lot of you that he was fine being the referee. 

“Everybody play fair now,” Vernon said, not-so-subtly looking at Jeonghan longer than he looked at everyone else. The older male rolled his eyes at the glance and grabbed a ball, determination in his eyes as the game began.

The first round was atrocious for your team. You could tell Mingyu was doing his best to keep his cool as he knew you had never played before and knew that Seungkwan didn’t play often, but it was clear he was unhappy with the terrible result of the initial match. That led him to challenge the other team to a second game, in which you totally kicked ass. The opposing team tried to call it beginners luck, but as you’d already played one game, you knew it was just the fact that you’d finally gotten the hang of it, much to Mingyu’s delight. Seungkwan never really got better, which was okay. You learned that he’s an amazing cheerleader. 

The third game, however, was just one big mess. Jeonghan continuously smacked ping pong balls that were about to score a point away from the cups. He also kept moving cups around and when you accused him of cheating, him and the rest of his team would act like they had absolutely no idea what you were talking about. That being said, you lost the last game, though very unfairly, and decided to end the playing there before you, Mingyu and Seungkwan became too aggravated. 

You went back inside, all of you stopping in the kitchen to grab a drink before returning to the couch in the corner of the basement. You were only feeling slightly tipsy from the beer you had drank, and truthfully you didn’t want to get any further than that. 

This time around, Mingyu sat on the couch and pulled you down on his lap, one hand wrapped around your waist and the other around a beer bottle. Seungkwan sat next to you on Vernon’s lap, and Jihoon managed to squeeze onto the armrest by the wall.

You got caught up in conversation with the group, mostly talking to Seungkwan about how crazy finding out that vampires were real was for the both of you. Seungkwan said he freaked out a bit at first and was surprised to hear that you didn’t, but he understood. He said that though he was scared of everything he thought he knew about vampires as a species at the time, he wasn’t scared of Vernon in the slightest. You thought their relationship was really cute in an opposites attract type of way.

You also found out that Jihoon was really into writing music, Chan was really into dancing, and Jeonghan was really into simply having a good time. You were glad you got involved with a guy that seemed to have such great friends, even if they weren’t exactly alive. 

Though you were having a great time conversing with everyone, you noticed that Mingyu had barely said 3 words since you came back inside.

“Hey, you okay?” you said as you looked at him. He nodded passively as he looked past you and further into the room. The look on his face was serious, almost as if he was on the lookout for something. You turned around and tried to follow his eyeline. It seemed as if he was staring at another male attending the party, one that looked oddly familiar. 

“Do you know that guy? The guy you’re staring at?” you asked him quietly, not wanting the others to hear. 

“Uhh yeah, just someone I used to know. He doesn’t usually come to these types of things.” he replied. You turned back to the man and looked a little closer, trying to remember how you knew him.

“Oh!” you faced Mingyu again, “He’s the cashier from the supermarket I go to.” you said calmly, though Mingyu’s eyes darted to you as they widened. 

“You know him?” he asked urgently. 

“No, he just rang up my groceries one time. Why?” you were getting suspicious.

“I just… I don’t trust him, okay? Stay away from him if you can help it.” he gripped your waist tighter and you nodded reassuringly. Even though you, again, had many questions, you kept them to yourself. You mostly wondered if he meant “knew” as in he knew him from this school or if he meant “knew” as in he met him a century ago.

You turned to look at Mingyu’s nemesis one more time, but this time, his eyes were looking back at you. The small mole by his lip was only more defined as he smirked at you before running his hand through his light brown hair and turning away. Mingyu must have seen the exchange, because he very suddenly stood up, causing you to fall forward slightly. 

“I think Y/n and I are gonna head out.” he announced abruptly. Admittedly you were annoyed, you were having a good time, but you would address that when you left. It was getting late anyway and you knew you would see the group again sometime soon. 

“Oh! Okay, well it was really nice seeing you Y/n.” Seungkwan said, just as surprised as you were. 

“You too, Seungkwan. It was really great meeting all of you.” you said, and they all replied with scattered smiles and “you too’s”. 

Mingyu put his hand on the small of your back and quickly rushed you through the house and out the door. Once you reached the front porch, Mingyu stopped. 

“Listen, I’m sorry, I just really don’t like that guy and when he looked at you like that I snapped,” he said, clearly frazzled and a bit frustrated. Though just a few seconds ago you were ready to put him in his place, you were now feeling rather sympathetic.

“Mingyu it’s okay, but if you want me to understand what’s going on you need to tell me. Not knowing just makes it easier to get angry and I don’t wanna get angry at you.” you rubbed his arm comfortingly. He groaned as he hid his face in his hands then ran his hands through his hair. 

“I can’t tell you, at least right now. Believe me I want to, but please trust me okay? Avoid him at all costs, it’s just to keep you safe.” he pulled you into a hug and you wrapped your arms around him as well. You were beyond confused and you wanted to ask if he was really that dangerous, but with the way he was acting, you knew that was a stupid question. He wouldn’t be so adamant about it if it wasn’t that serious. You simply nodded against his chest before you let each other go. “Now let’s get you home.” he smiled sweetly and you returned the expression. 

You walked hand in hand to your apartment, a comfortable silence filling the air. You were admittedly a bit tired, so you didn’t feel like talking. The walk felt short, but as your eyelids felt heavier with each step, you were okay with it. You reached your residence and pulled out your key before unlocking the door and stepping inside. Though as soon as you did, you heard unmistakable noises. 

A female moan followed by a groan from your best friend. 

You immediately shut the door and stepped back outside, bumping into Mingyu in the process. 

“Ew ew ew ew ew!” you exclaimed, moving your hands around frantically, not exactly sure what to do with them. 

“What? What is it?” Mingyu asked frantically. 

“Wonwoo! Making noises! Having sex God ew!” you cringed.

“Huh? Are you sure? Why would he do that if he knew you were coming home?” 

“I don’t know but I hate it! Make it stop make it stop!” you covered your ears as if you could still hear it. The sounds kept playing over and over in your mind. Why? Why on earth could you still hear them? It wasn’t so much the fact that you heard him having sex, but the fact that you knew who it was with sent chills down your spine.

“Okay okay listen, just come home with me, it’ll be fine, I promise” he rubbed your upper back as he tried to comfort you. You simply nodded, face still contorted in disgust, and let him lead you to his apartment.

“God why would he do that?! He could’ve at least told me not to come home! Or to come home late, anything!” you yelled as you walked, still unable to believe his indecency. “I know we agreed to not talk about our love lives with each other, but if the roles were reversed? He’d be pissed! He would’ve walked in there and kicked you out or something!” 

“So what I’m hearing is that your hypothetical scenarios, I’m the one you’re fucking?” Mingyu said smugly and all you could do is glare at him.

“Mingyu I’m serious. Is that not super wrong of him?” 

“It is but come on! It’s not like you didn’t know he was getting some.” he shrugged. 

“I know, but I didn’t need to hear it, that’s all.” 

“What? Are you mad you’re not getting laid? Cause you could be.” Mingyu said matter-of-factly, a smirk on his face. 

“Oh really? By who, Jeonghan?” you teased, causing Mingyu to stop in his tracks, his jaw nearly on the ground. You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Come on! You know I’m joking. Now please tell me we’re almost there?” you grabbed his hand and pulled, his feet eventually stumbling forward. 

“Actually, we’re here.” he smiled. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked ahead, your eyes only being met with a cute, white brick house.

“You live… in a house? In college?” you tilted your head in curiosity. 

“Let’s just say I have business with the owner,” he kissed your cheek and walked you toward the door. Though the outside of the house had a vintage charm to it, there was a keypad to get inside instead of the normal deadbolt. Mingyu entered the code and turned the handle, a beautiful, modern house coming into view. 

The brick walls were a beautiful cream color, metal shelves and cute hanging plants filled the entrance. Your face must have shown how impressed you were.

“You like it?” Mingyu asked as he kicked his shoes off. 

“It’s beautiful, did you decorate it yourself?” 

“Oh no, we hired someone for that.” he chuckled. 

“You care enough about your house to pay for an interior designer? Nice.” you smiled as you took your shoes off as well, sliding them so they were next to his. 

“I’m a vampire, not an animal. Let me give you the tour.”

You exited the entrance of the house and he took you over to the kitchen. It was very open and was connected to the living room. The kitchen had sleek black cabinets and white granite countertops with a large stainless steel refrigerator and stove to finish it off. The living room contained a grey sectional couch, a black coffee table, and a TV that was at least 60 inches mounted to the wall. There were small knick knacks all over the house that made it even more charming than it already was. 

He then led you down a hallway that had 2 doors on each side. The first one was Chan’s room. It was definitely the room of a young guy, but still pretty neat and tidy. The next room was the bathroom, it doubled as Chan’s and the one that guests used. It was also nicely kept. 

The next one was another bedroom that had been converted into a movie/ gaming room. There were LED lights attached to the ceiling, a leather couch in the center of the room, and a TV even larger than the one in the living room sitting on a large, sturdy- looking table.

“This is my old room, but we renovated it when I upgraded.” 

“Upgraded?” you asked, excited to finally see Mingyu’s room.

“There’s a third bedroom that we added onto to make it bigger, so I took that one.” he told you as he closed the door and led you to the last room in the hallway. 

“Prepare yourself.” he smiled as he opened the door and a room seemingly bigger than the rest of the house combined came into view. 

The floors were a dark grey tile and the walls a lighter grey. There was a bed to the left and it was easily the biggest bed you’d ever seen. The headboard was a regal looking, plush white one with a perfectly made grey bedspread, decorative pillows covering almost half of it. A TV was mounted to the wall in front of it and there were nightstands with beautiful metal lamps on them. There was a chandelier in the middle of the ceiling, and to the right there were 2 chaise lounges that matched the bed frame and another TV in an entertainment center with a gaming console below it.

“Two TV’s? Really?” you judged only slightly. 

“And that’s not even the best part.” he booped your nose and sauntered over to the bathroom; the entrance was covered by a large barn door. He slid it opened and what was quite possibly the nicest bathroom you’d ever seen came into view. 

The walls were a matte tan color, there was a large white bathtub in one corner, a shower with glass doors and the walls decorated with beautiful glass tiles. A double vanity and a wood-framed mirror sat in between the two. The shower head was about a foot long on each side and hung from the ceiling and there seemed to be jets of some sort on one of the shower walls

“So when were you going to tell me that you basically have money coming out of your ass?” you inquired as you took in the elegance of the bathroom. Mingyu didn’t dress rich and wasn’t as much of a dick as lots of rich people were, so you were taken aback to say the least.

“Technically it’s not my money. My parents were rich back in the day, owned a lot of property, and when they died they left all of it to me. So now all the money that people pay when they rent or buy their properties, it comes to me.” he shrugged as if it was no big deal, but your eyes were wide in shock. 

“Okay then Mr. ‘not-my-money’, this place is still amazing.” you told him, but he just chuckled in denial. 

“Thanks,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “Do you wanna shower or something?” 

“Um, in that fancy monster of a shower? Yes, yes I do.” you smiled and Mingyu was already walking over to the closet like he knew what you were going to say. He opened the door and grabbed a towel before tossing it at you. 

“Don’t take too long,” he pointed at you as he exited the bathroom and left you alone. You felt like you’d only seen showers this nice in movies and in pictures of mansions, never in real life, so needless to say you were excited. You turned the water on and stripped down quickly before excitedly stepping into what your mind had decided to coin the Tranquility Haven. 

The warm water that fell from directly above you felt euphoric, covering your entire body at once. You honestly felt like you could fall asleep in there, but sadly you did not feel like turning into a prune. You washed yourself leisurely, enjoying the luxury and anticipating the fact that you would probably smell like Mingyu when you were done.

Your mind thought back to when Mingyu said his parents owned property “back in the day”. Did he mean… the 1800’s? His parents were rich in the 19th century? If they were loaded then, you couldn’t imagine how loaded they’d be now. You wanted to know how much Mingyu was making from his parents’ properties, but you would feel inappropriate asking. You knew it had to be a lot, though. 

After a while, you begrudgingly turned off the water and stepped out of the shower before grabbing your towel. You dried your hair off a bit before wrapping the towel around your body and stepping into Mingyu’s room.

“I’m just saying, she could be doing way be- Jesus Y/n!” Chan yelled as he stood up and turned around. He had been sitting on Mingyu’s bed talking until he saw you and jumped up in fear. 

“We’ll be out in a minute,” Mingyu laughed as he ushered the younger male out of his bedroom. He turned to you and leaned against the door, his arms crossed.

“See you didn’t give me clean clothes when I slept at your place, so I’m wondering if I should even consider giving you some.” he raised his eyebrow at you, his tongue poking at his inner cheek. 

“What? You want me to walk around in just a towel?” 

“Oh I’d prefer much less than a towel,” he retaliated, causing you to frown at him. After a few seconds of staring at each other, he finally broke. “Fine, but only since Chan is here.” your expression turned into a smile as he walked over to his closet that seemed surprisingly small compared to the rest of the house. He pulled out a t-shirt and handed it to you as he walked back to his bed and laid down. You thanked him and went back into the bathroom.

You hung the towel up on the hook that was on the back of the door before slipping the shirt over your head. You put your underwear back on and picked up your clothes and bag from off of the floor, then walked over to the mirror. As you ran your fingers through your wet hair in an attempt to make it look decent, you realized something. 

“Mingyu!” you stormed out of the bathroom, “This shirt is pretty see through and I’m guessing you knew that when you gave it to me?” you put your things down on the ground and crossed your arms. All Mingyu did was shrug and try to hold back the smirk he so badly wanted to display. “Whatever…” you muttered as you took your phone out of your bag.

“Chan’s waaaaiting.” he sang, getting up and waiting for you by the door. You kept your arms crossed, phone in one hand, as you followed him to the living room. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry, I promise I didn’t see anything, Mingyu didn’t tell me you were here.” Chan said frantically as soon as you came into view, his eyes full of concern. 

“No no no, it’s fine. Really, don’t worry about it.” you reassured him, and he nodded gratefully. 

Mingyu sat down on the couch and you sat next to him. He laid down and rested his head on your lap, causing you to frantically pull at your shirt, trying to loosen the top part so that Chan wouldn’t see anything. Once you had accomplished that, you placed your hand in Mingyu’s hair and began playing with it, only slightly annoyed at his outfit choice for you. 

You made interesting conversation with Chan, talking about what he liked and didn’t like about being a vampire for the most part. He asked about how you liked school and if you had fun at the party, and before either of you realized it, Mingyu was fast asleep on your lap. A light snore fell from his lips and you admired his calmed features. 

“Y/n…” Chan said, capturing your attention, “Can I ask how serious you guys are?” your cheeks heated up at the question. No one had ever really asked you about your relationship before, besides the whole ‘is this the girlfriend’ thing that Jeonghan pulled, and he was talking to Mingyu then anyway. 

“Um, I don’t really know. It hasn’t been very long, but I… I really like him.” you tried not to gush too much, “Why do you ask?” 

Chan was smiling at your admiration for his friend. “Mingyu would kill me if he knew that I told you, but he talks about you a lot. Like, almost all the time. I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it, but yeah. I’ve only known him for 6 years or so, but I’ve never seen him like this.” he explained, and your cheeks turned even rosier as your stomach did somersaults. Chan didn’t seem like the type of guy to lie, and why would anyone say something like that so randomly if they weren’t really eager to tell you?

“I- thank you for telling me, Chan. It means a lot.” you nodded and he smiled at you, flashing his pearly whites.

“Of course. I’m gonna go to bed now, but I’m glad we got to talk more. You seem really good for him. Good for all of us actually.” he stood up and stretched. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” 

Chan disappeared into his room and you just sat there, reveling in Chan’s kind words and not wanting to wake Mingyu. You picked up your phone, feeling surprised when you saw you had a text from Wonwoo. It was only one, but that was enough to make you nervous and excite you all at once. You opened the message and were faced with a few simple words. 

from: wonu

12:34am: did you stop by earlier? 

You simply rolled your eyes and began typing. 

to: wonu

12:34am: yeah and i know we agreed not to talk about our love lives or whatever, but you could at least tell me to sleep somewhere else for the night if you were planning on fucking someone. loudly.

He read your text immediately and the three bubbles popped up at the bottom of your screen, indicating that he was typing. However, the longer you waited for his response, the more you realized that it likely wasn’t coming. You were much more unpleasant with him than you wanted to be, but the noises you heard when you entered your apartment weren’t by any means pleasant either. Truthfully, you wanted to say more, but you figured you’d rather have that conversation in person.

At a few minutes past 1, you decided it was time to stop anticipating a reply from Wonwoo and try to sleep. You locked your phone and set it beside you before leaning your head back on the couch and drifting off to sleep, the feeling of Mingyu’s head in your lap making the position significantly more comfortable. 

You woke up with your head on the softest of pillows and your body under the comfiest of blankets; Mingyu must have moved the both of you at some point during the night. A decent amount of light shone through the windows and the soft sound of the television rang throughout your ears. You looked to your side and saw Mingyu sitting with his legs crossed, eating a bowl of cereal. He noticed your stirring and turned his attention to you. 

“Good morning,” he said to you, mouth halfway full and in the shape of a smile. You returned the expression and sat up on your hands. 

“Good morning.” you replied happily. He leaned over and pecked your lips lightly. As you went to get out of his bed, you remembered something. 

“Did you say I was your girlfriend last night?” you asked in disbelief. He looked at you with wide eyes, his cheeks still slightly full of food.

��I- well, yeah. That seemed to be the best way to explain it, we’ve never really talked about it.” he shrugged shyly. 

“Well, do you wanna talk about it?” you questioned as you got back in his bed fully, sliding closer to him. 

He shoved the rest of his cereal in his mouth and drank the milk quickly before setting his bowl and spoon on the table beside him. He sighed as he faced you again.

“It has nothing to do with you, I just, don’t really like labels? Every time I’ve had a relationship with one it just kinda… fell apart.” he played with the blanket on his legs and avoided eye contact, his voice only getting quieter as he spoke. “I want us to last, so I don’t wanna call us anything. At least not yet.” He nodded as he finished, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes and awaiting your response. 

You smiled at his explanation and put one of your hands on top of his. “So other people can think our relationship has a label, but we know that it doesn’t?” you asked and Mingyu nodded. “Is that enough? Just us knowing the truth?” 

“I really don’t care what other people call us, so yeah. It’s enough.” he smiled sweetly and got out of bed. You followed suit and went to change your clothes as Mingyu picked up his bowl and walked it to the kitchen. 

You quickly threw on your clothes from the previous night and slipped on your shoes. You picked up your bag and noticed that Mingyu had placed your phone on the nightstand. You grabbed it and checked the notifications; still no response from Wonwoo, though you weren’t surprised. 

“Leaving so soon?” Mingyu asked with a pout when he reentered the room and saw you fully dressed. You frowned, not particularly wanting to leave yourself.

“Sadly. I’ve gotta pick up some stuff for the apartment and do some serious job hunting. I’ve been putting it off for way too long.” you sighed. Your words left Mingyu with a confused look on his face.

“Job? Why get a job when you have me?” he wrapped his arms around your waist. 

“Oh you mean you and all the money that you don’t claim as yours? Thanks, but I’ll pass.” you pecked his lips and as soon as you pulled away, he pulled you right back in. He kissed you deeply and meaningfully, causing you to smile. He smacked your ass lightly before pulling away with a smirk.

“I’ll walk you out.” 

You rolled your eyes, though trying to hide a smile, as you headed for Mingyu’s front door. Chan was nowhere to be seen, so you assumed he was still asleep. When you reached the entrance of the house, Mingyu kissed you one last time before opening the door for you and, begrudgingly, letting you go on your way. 

You practically pranced to the grocery store, still on a Mingyu high that you didn’t want to come down from. You couldn’t believe someone, just one person alone, made you so happy, especially since that someone was technically not even human and kept way more secrets from you than you would like them to. You didn’t know why the secrecy didn’t bother you, but you didn’t think about it for too long. 

Your brain that seemed to be wired so that you would expect the worst from every situation because you were also subconsciously awaiting the moment when things would turn to shit. It may not go to complete shit anytime soon, but you were definitely expecting an argument of some sort to happen soon, much to your dismay.

You tried to shake your negative thoughts away as you approached the door of the supermarket, picking up one of the baskets that sat by the entrance. You only needed a few cleaning supplies, some fruit, and some more ramen. You decided you would take your time, though, as you were slightly nervous to see Wonwoo. 

You strolled through the produce, deciding on buying a few apples and a bag of grapes. You then moved to the aisle that the ramen was on, buying 2 value packs of your favorite brand. You finally made your way to the cleaning aisle and grabbed a container of disinfecting wipes, but you couldn’t seem to find the dish soap that you usually bought. You looked at the shelf curiously and took a step closer, when suddenly, you heard a voice speaking to you.

“Need any help?” you heard. It was a sweet sounding voice, one that definitely belonged to a male. You turned your head toward the voice and nearly jumped when you saw who it belonged to; it was the guy from the party. The one that had rung up your groceries a few weeks ago, the one Mingyu told you to stay away from. 

“O-oh, no thanks, I’m okay.” you replied. You hoped he didn’t recognize you, but then you remembered you were wearing the exact same thing that you were wearing last night when he saw you. When he smirked at you. 

“I apologize if this is weird, but you’re much prettier up close.” he smiled and you felt your cheeks heat up slightly, but hopefully not enough to be noticeable. You decided to play it off like you didn’t know him, figuring that’s what Mingyu would want you to do.

“Sorry? I-I don’t think we’ve ever met.” you said, hoping he would give up and leave you alone.

“Ah you don’t remember? I was at the party last night, I’m pretty sure we saw each other.” he crossed his arms with a determined look on his face, but you just shrugged, wanting your conversation to end more than anything. 

“Well, anyway, my name is Jun. Let me know if you need anything, anything at all.”

hi everyone! i’m so, so sorry i was late uploading this, everything totally glitched out. but i hope you all enjoyed this chapter :) and if any of you beloved readers haven’t already, please fill out this survey regarding content you’d like to see from me! thank you all & stay safe <3 https://forms.gle/rEWqGcTckFvDBULa9

[hyunllx]

The Christmas Baker

A Hyunlix Hallmark Fic Chapter 2/5 wc: 3k

Hwang Hyunjin is a rich, cocky, famous dancer that prefers to keep to himself during the holidays. When his roommate drags him along to visit his hometown, however, Hyunjin meets a boy who helps him believe in the spirit of the season. Primarily Hyunjin’s pov with Felix’s pov added in occasionally. series warnings: Extremely cliche. You will probably cringe at some points but its okay. chapter warnings:  None note: This fic is not meant to accurately reflect or portray the members of SKZ. This is just for fun. Read the last chapter here

|--------------------Hyunjin--------------------|

The floorboards of Felix’s guest bedroom shuddered and creaked as Hyunjin paced back and forth in the small space. He always felt the need to move when he was nervous, and to say he was nervous this morning was an understatement. He lingered in his room, eyes focusing on the frost and snow-covered window on one wall and the closed door to the rest of the house on the opposite wall as he walked between them.

Come on Hyunjin, you can’t stay in here forever… he thought to himself, psyching himself up to reach for the door knob. His head raced through all the possible scenarios that would happen when he met Felix and Chan for breakfast, all of them including further embarrassing himself.

How was he supposed to look his best friend in the face when all he’d done during the night was lie awake thinking about his brother? How could he talk to Felix after being unable to sleep due to the boy’s voice saying his name ringing in his ears?

“Hyunjin?” Hyunjin froze as that same voice called his name from beyond the door. He shivered as he turned to knob, undecided on whether he was grateful for the push to leave his room or still not ready to face his host. As the door opened slowly, a bright, sunny, familiar smile greeted him,

“Oh! You’re awake.” Felix’s nose and ears were bright pink and a few snowflakes lingered on his oversized jacket, making him look exceptionally young when paired with his grin, “I finished shovelling out the driveway so we can head to the bakery whenever you’re ready. If you still want to of course-” He added the last bit quickly, nervousness clear in his voice.

“Okay. Uh- let’s go.” Hyunjin agreed without thinking about it, too blinded by Felix’s smile to argue with his own words. 

“Do you like hot chocolate?” Felix asked suddenly as they descended the stairs to leave. Hyunjin frowned in confusion, grabbing his jacket from the hanger by the front door,

“Yeah, why?”

“Wait here!” The boy motioned for him to stay by the door while he rushed to the kitchen, returning a minute later with two coffee to-go cups. The cup was pleasantly warm in Hyunjin’s cold fingers as he took one,

“Thanks.” He bowed slightly, thankful for the heat when Felix opened the door and frigid, biting air nipped his face. At least his hands would be warm while they walked. I should’ve grabbed one of Chan’s big hoodies. He thought to himself. 

Hyunjin paused, realizing finally that they were missing someone, “Where’s Chan?”

“Hm?” Felix looked at him in surprise, like he hadn’t expected Hyunjin to speak while they were walking, “Oh, he went to help shovel out the town hall so people can start setting up decorations. He didn’t tell you?”

Hyunjin shook his head. Chan was known for being selfless and hardworking like that, but he usually would’ve told him where he was going. Maybe it was last minute and didn’t have a chance.

Hyunjin and Felix walked side-by-side in silence, enjoying their hot chocolates to the melody of snow crunching under their shoes. Occasionally the wind would pick up slightly, bringing with it a soft creaking and rustling of the trees lining the streets. Felix only looked up when this happened, checking the buildings around them before looking back down at his cup. Hyunjin admittedly thought the behaviour was odd and watched him curiously each time, though he didn’t want to embarrass the boy by asking out loud. 

As they approached what looked to be the busy town center, they passed under a metal awning that stretched over the sidewalk in front of a storefront. The creaking noise became louder, more like a groaning. Definitely not the trees as Hyunjin had thought before. Felix lifted his head to look around again, concern in his eyes when he turned to look at Hyunjin.

“Get out of the way.”

“What?” Too late. Before he could finish Hyunjin was yanked by the hand, losing his balance and stumbling into Felix, then into the storefront wall. The groaning sound peaked, followed by the roar of snow and ice crashing down to the sidewalk from the awning above, inches from where he’d stood.

“Holy shit…” Hyunjin whispered, then laughed nervously at the realization he could’ve been badly hurt had the mountain of ice in front of them actually hit him, “Thank you.” 

They both paused, realizing their hands were still clasped together. Felix’s palm was warm against Hyunjin’s own, and incredibly small wrapped up in his fingers. Delicate and soft, it left Hyunjin’s heart beating quicker than before.

Why was his heart beating so fast? Why did it feel so nice to hold this boy’s hand?

“Felix! Are you guys alright?” Their hands wrenched apart as a boy jogged up behind them. He was nearly as tall as Hyunjin, and had the most puppy-like face he’d ever seen. His big, innocent eyes were bright with concern as he skidded to a stop on the slushy snow at their feet. A second boy followed behind, slower but with equal concern chiseled into the sharp features of his handsome face.

“Seungmin!” Felix smiled awkwardly, his cheeks and ears red, not just from the cold, “We’re alright, it didn’t hit us.”

This must be the ex-roommate, Hyunjin recalled from dinner the night before, and the on-again-off-again boyfriend. The second boy placed a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder and glared up and down at Hyunjin, clearly checking him over to make sure he wasn’t dangerous,

“Who’s this?”

“Oh,” Felix interjected, shaking his head, “This is hyung’s friend, Hyunjin. This is Seungmin and Minho.”

“Nice to meet you.” Seungmin gave a polite wave and bow, which Hyunjin returned, albeit awkwardly. Minho glared at him a moment longer before giving an unimpressed sniff and turning to Felix,

“Channie is home?”

“Yeah, he’s helping at the town hall right now.”

“Great, we’ll go that way.” Without saying goodbye he turned and headed back the direction they’d come. Seungmin looked back and forth between Felix and the boyfriend who was clearly not going to wait for him,

“Are you sure you don’t need help at the bakery?”

“I’ve got plenty of help.” Hyunjin caught Felix looking up at him as he reassured his friend. Seungmin caught the glance too and grinned at the both of them, giving Felix a nod before dashing off after Minho, now several yards down the sidewalk. Felix let out a long sigh as they were alone again,

“Sorry, that was awkward.”

“It wasn’t that awkward,” Hyunjin lied, following as Felix resumed walking, “Seungmin seems nice.”

“Yeah… he is. So is Minho when you get to know him.” Hyunjin gave a snort of disbelief,

“I’ll take your word for it.” 

They came to a stop at the end of the street, where it met a crossroads along the town’s main road. The bakery was nestled into the crook between the ending building and a larger store, the bakery itself not much larger than Felix’s tiny house. The weathered bricks of the exterior were a dull red-brown, contrasting the bright cream-coloured door. A “Merry Christmas” banner hung over the large front window, strung up between decorative sconces on either side.

The top of a standing chalkboard poked out of the snow piled underneath the window; Hyunjin used his foot to kick some of the ice clear while he watched Felix. 

The boy stood on his tip-toes, reaching as far as he could to pull the top off the sconce by the door. His hand was small enough to fit inside, and he fished around for a moment before producing a key from inside the lamp.

He paused when he noticed Hyunjin watching, pointing the key at him playfully,

"You didn't see that."

A smile spread involuntarily across Hyunjin's face. His mask was slipping, but he barely noticed with the way Felix's eyes glinted with mischief and excitement, his freckles standing out dark against the pink blush of cold on his cheeks. The cup in his hands had long cooled, and he found himself missing the warmth of holding the boy's hand. His heart fluttered, bringing him back to the moment,

"See what?" He asked innocently. Maybe he could let the mask slip this once.

Felix let out a sickly-sweet giggle as he unlocked the bakery, welcoming Hyunjin inside with a wave,

"Come on inside. It'll warm up quickly."

As he stepped inside the small building, Hyunjin felt less like he'd walked into a small town bakery and more like he'd walked onto a movie set. Everything was quiet, dark, waiting to be filled with the warm smells of baking and the taste of delicious treats. Perhaps it was the pastel yellows and bright pinks that decorated the space, but Hyunjin felt the lingering memories of love and happiness here. It felt like home.

Felix led him behind the main counter to the kitchen; ovens lined the far wall and a massive steel table stood at the center of the room,

“Can you help me by bringing out the flour? I’ll get the ovens preheating so it warms up a bit.” He pointed to a second room off to one side, a storage space filled with ingredients like a pantry. Hyunjin nodded, figuring that sounded easy enough.

He failed to anticipate the bags of flour being nearly as tall as Felix himself. And weighing much more. With a sigh of relief he found a bag that was half used, slightly easier to drag along the floor. With white knuckles as he clenched the bag in his hands, Hyunjin pulled the sack into the kitchen and let it rest under the main counter.

“How do you do that by yourself?” He puffed dramatically, earning himself another giggle as he retrieved a brick of butter from one of the large refrigerators,

“I don’t usually need this much. We’re gonna be using up a lot of my ingredients over the next couple of days.”

“Why are you making so many?”

“Well-” Felix spoke as he continued to collect what they needed, placing a large metal bowl in front of Hyunjin with a handful of utensils clattering around inside, “Our little town only has about 500 people here. Some people leave to visit family. So everyone that remains can have at least a couple cookies. Guests too of course.” He grinned up at Hyunjin with that brilliant sunshine smile. His eyes got lost in the wrinkles that formed around his cheeks. Hyunjin shook his head. Why did he keep losing himself like that?

“So… what now?”

“Now you measure out two cups of this.” Felix pushed a large bag of powdered sugar toward him. Hyunjin hesitated,

“You want me to? I’m not a very good cook.”

“Neither is Seungmin,” Felix laughed, “You don’t have to be a good cook to put ingredients into a bowl. It’ll go faster with two of us.”

Hyunjin grimaced at the thought of fucking up some of the cookies, but he figured he might as well try. Dumping the utensils out of his bowl, he followed Felix’s instructions to use a chopstick to level off the cup of sugar before emptying it into the bowl. The same for the butter, the flour, and the other simple ingredients, taking care to get the proportions right. Eventually the dough formed together, soft yet sticky enough to form into shapes.

“You did well!” Felix praised as Hyunjin lifted his mixture out of the bowl to show him, “It’s definitely the right texture. See? I knew you could do it.”

Hyunjin had to admit he was proud of himself for not messing anything up so far. He tossed a ball of dough between his gloved hands with a smile, letting himself enjoy the moment. He'd never gotten to make christmas cookies before. Was this excitement how children felt when they were baking with their families? It was nice, comforting even. Especially when he had someone to guide him.

"Are we cutting them now?"

"Not yet, the dough has to chill for a little bit first." Felix pulled a sheet of plastic wrap across the workstation, plopping his dough in the center, "We'll start mixing the second batch while these are in the fridge."

"Second batch?" He hadn't realized they were making more than what he held in his hands. Felix smiled, taking the giant dough ball from Hyunjin's fingers,

"Of course, this will only make like 50 cookies."

"FIFTY?"

"Why do you think I'm not doing them all the day of?" Felix laughed, putting the wrapped bundles of dough into the refrigerator, returning to their work station with more eggs and butter.

Hyunjin managed his way through the second batch, but by the time he was mixing the final round of flour into the third batch, his arm started to ache with the effort. He paused for a moment to shake out the tense muscles and joints, sighing.

Felix continued mixing his dough with no trouble, a smile on his lips and his deep voice humming a soft tune. Hyunjin recognized it as one of Chan's songs, one he'd choreographed no less. Muscle memory caused his legs to start moving to the unheard beat. Felix caught sight of it and giggled (God why was his giggle so cute?),

"Sorry, it was stuck in my head. You ready to take a break?"

Before Hyunjin could respond, his stomach rumbled loudly, reminding them he hadn't eaten since dinner. They both laughed,

"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry."

"Go take a break out on a couch. I'll put these in the fridge and make some brunch for us."

He didn't have to tell Hyunjin twice. He made his way out of the kitch and plopped down on a couch in front of the big window. It was snowing again, though the flakes were light and drifted in a gentle breeze. Not the driving heavy snow from the night before. The window was cold but the heat of the ovens carried through the building, making the room nice and warm.

Hyunjin pulled out his phone and idly flicked through his music. His fingers eventually found the track Felix had been humming and hit play. It was a slower melody, a song about lost love and heartbreak. What a big softie Chan was. 

Perhaps it was the snow falling outside the window, or homesickness, or the fact that there was a beautiful boy mere paces away from him cooking him food, but the lyrics pulled at his heartstrings differently today. Hyunjin never thought of himself as someone to fall in love. He liked the fast dating life. He liked flings and one-night stands. No attachments, just the high of a good time with someone new and exciting. 

But this feeling... it was new. It beat on his heart like a drum and caused his brain to turn to mush. All he wanted to do was hear Felix’s cute giggle, see his sunshiney bright grin. It was completely overwhelming. 

It frightened him.

“I heard you playing that song.” Felix said as he emerged from the kitchen, making Hyunjin jump. He hadn’t realized the song had stopped, or that his playlist had proceeded to play two more songs after.

“You made me want to listen to it.” He tried to gather himself again as he took the plate of food Felix offered him. Their fingers brushed. Hyunjin’s heart started drumming again. It worsened as Felix sat directly next to him on the couch instead of any of the chairs in the room. Shaking his head, Hyunjin turned to his plate, a small stack of pancakes and a tower of scrambled eggs, still hot off the stove.

“I really love the choreography you did for it.” Hyunjin paused, the eggs in his chopsticks falling back to his plate,

“You know my choreography?” Felix’s face turned bright red, and he too turned to his food to escape the sudden embarrassment,

“I know most of them. I like dancing in my free time. Yours are always the most enjoyable to watch.” A streak of pride cut through Hyunjin’s fluttering nerves at the praise.

“Thank you. Maybe you could show me some time?”

“I’d like that.” They shared a shy smile before digging into their food, both starving after working all morning on an empty stomach.

Felix finished first, setting his plate down before leaning back against the couch, running his fingers through his silver hair,

“It’s snowing again, I’m sorry you couldn’t see more of the town like you wanted.”

“It’s alright. I- I’ve enjoyed it here.” Hyunjin allowed the mask to slip, just a little. Felix beamed at him, resting a hand on Hyunjin’s arm. The affectionate touch was unexpected and his muscles tensed under the boy’s small fingers. Felix immediately withdrew his hand, his smile fading,

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Noo, no it’s fine…” His brain was fogging over again, “I just- I don’t understand how I feel about you yet.”

“What?”

Shit, shit, shit. He wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.

“Have I done something wrong?” Felix looked as though Hyunjin had kicked him in the face.

“No! It’s not you-” Hyunjin’s body was screaming at him to run away from the overwhelming cocktail of emotions flooding his brain, “I’m sorry, I need to take a walk. I’ll be back-”

He barely finished his sentence before standing and bolting out the door, abandoning his food. He didn’t look back at the hurt in Felix’s eyes. He couldn’t.

[amoret-the-leaf]

Summary: Wei Wuxian is determined. After seeing his Lan Zhan yawning, yawning of all things, he makes it his mission to let his husband take a rest. Though, as with many things in life, it doesn't go according to plan. Many years had passed since the esteemed Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Patriarch had found themselves stuck in a cave on death's doorstep, confessing deeply rooted traumas to each other. Wei Ying would give everything he had and more to never let it happen again. Never. He was going to cherish Lan Wangji like he deserved, until the day he died.

Ship: Wangxian

Word Count: 5397

Author’s Note:  This story is a result of MDZS/CQL frankencanon, and may contain differences in titles and ways of addressing due to subtitle variations. This work may not be completely accurate to Ancient Chinese and Xianxia culture. If something has been written inappropriately/offensively, please let me know!

This chapter contains:

Exhaustion, Hypothermia, Delirium

"IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!! HUG ME LAN ZHAN!!!"

The snow was fierce, blowing in strong gusts of wind that changed directions every few seconds. Thick snowflakes sat in everyone's hair, from the lovers leading to the group, to the juniors being nearly blown away trailing behind. Clearly (or rather, unclearly- it was very hard to see), this day was not going as Wei Ying had hoped. Had it, and they might've been dancing through the white-coated streets of Caiyi, where the sky was calm now, and the sun shone to melt some of the snow. A blizzard in Yuanwei was certainly not in his planned itinerary for the day.

They'd been sent off when Zewu-Jun arrived back in the Cloud Recesses, visibly distressed with several delayed letters of aid coming from the townspeople. A blizzard of questionable origins had been raging for about two days now, judging by the dates on the papers. A collection of them had been found just outside the borders of the place. When recalling the events of the night before to the Lan Sect Leader, the worst was feared. Had the people been... were they gone?

If so, they were dealing with something, or someone, much more dangerous than they'd hoped.

So Zewu-Jun sent out his brother, accompanied by Wei Ying, and a group of their finest junior disciples to look for survivors, or bodies of the dead. Whatever was left at this point. Though, what had yet to be explained, was why Jin Ling was trotting around and rolling his eyes at Wei Ying snuggling against up his lover.

"Roll your eyes all you want! I'm cold! What are you even doing here?!" The former Jiang disciple hissed, head half-covered by Wangi's long sleeve he'd been wrapped in. "Shouldn't you be doing Sect Leader things?! If we needed a Sect Leader, Zewu-Jun would've come with us!"

"Mind your business!" The teen snapped back, crossing his arms. "I'm studying in Gusu right now! Did you forget? We literally see each other every day!" Jin Ling... in the Cloud Recesses? That would explain why a wild Jin would be wearing white. But it wasn't exactly ringing a bell. "Why didn't you dress warmer anyways? You knew where we were going!"

"I am dressed warm! I have my warmest clothes on mind you! But it's still cold!"

"Then you're a baby."

"A-Ling... Maybe fighting with Senior Wei isn't worth it?" Sizhui intervened, giving the softest nervous smile he could. "All of us are still cold, the temperatures are below what most of us are used to. We should try to get this done as soon as possible."

So it was A-Ling now? Interesting... He and Sizhui would be having a talk when they got home. Wangji seemed to pick up on this too, sharing a look with the other before nodding.

"Well said Sizhui!" Wei Ying exclaimed, pacing around the group. "What a polite disciple! You should try to be more like him! Your uncle has corrupted your brain to be so aggressive! It's scary!" He jumped back to his lover in exaggerated fear when Jin Ling practically growled at him as a response.

"Can we get going now? Some of us would like to keep all our fingers and toes by the end of this." Jingyi complained, sarcasm being second nature to him. It was almost impressive. "It's cold, and this place is almost buried. I don't wanna be buried with it."

Normally, the Second Jade would at least point out the rude behavior. But the boy was right. People's lives could be on the line. So he took off his outermost layer of winter robes, gently placing the clothing around Wei Ying's shoulders. His husband's golden core was still weak in comparison to what it used to be, Wangji could manage in the cold if it meant swaddling the other. White was not his color, but seeing Wei Ying with embellished clouds covering his typical black and red combination reminded him of their student days back in Gusu. Back when they were carefree teenagers.

They had to move now.

So they walked. Trudging through knee-deep snow as wind whipped their faces, snow blurring their vision, and hoping they were still headed towards the right direction. Wei Ying tried to protest giving the extra layer back, but would only be met with, "You need it more." At least, it was something along those lines. Perhaps it changed, Wei Ying didn't focus on it too much. All he wanted was for his beloved to be taking a break.

They hadn't slept in. There was no time for naps or any trips out to Caiyi. No buying loquats in the marketplace or relaxing by the cold pond (too cold to go in!) or catching up over a meal with the kids. It scared him. Wangji looked exhausted; scary to think about, scarier to see.

Is this what it felt like? Being worried for your one true love? Did Lan Zhan go through this all the time? Standing there, watching, knowing he's too stubborn to ask for help or properly take a rest? They were more alike than Wei Ying would like to admit... and that was... Miraculous. Even through his worry, Wei Ying couldn't help but be enamored by the graceful beauty Wangji had. Intoxicating in the best way.

Thick, frosty flakes sat in his hair, looking so natural. So pristine, so tranquil. "Lan Zhan! How dare you look like a regal, captivating snow prince while the rest of us look like drowned rats!" The Yiling Patriarch whined. He wasn't wrong, damp, half-frozen hair clung together wildly in almost everyone's face. Yet Lan Wangji was immune, so to speak, still looking as handsome as ever. Even tired, he was radiant.

"Mn. Not true." The Second Jade replied.

Ah, an opportunity. "Oh? Is that so?" Wei Ying smirked, bringing his palms to rest cutely onto his frigid, rosy cheeks. "So there's an exception then? Someone who gets to be labelled as breathtaking as Hanguang-Jun? I envy them~"

"Sizhui."

Eh!? "LAN ZHAN!!!" Wei Ying cried, throwing his arms back down in a fuss. He could already hear the muffled snickers coming from the juniors still following behind. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY ME!!!"

"Lying is forbidden."

"WHAT!?!? LAN WANGJI!!!"

Oh how they laughed. The lot of teens quite honestly couldn't contain it anymore. Senior Wei had just been delivered a critical blow- that was hilariously overdue. Anyone could hear the moment Jin Ling dropped to the ground with a loud thump, sinking into the fresh powder as hysterical laughter spread throughout the group. Jingyi was barely hunched over on his knees, trying his very best to stay upright in the frenzy, huffing loudly every few seconds to get more air. The ever-mannered Sizhui only meekly turned away, giggling in a sort of shame.

But Hanguang-Jun took a hand to his husband's face. "Wei Ying is too bright. Too warming. He cannot be a snow prince. Has to be the sun. "

The Yiling Patriarch smiled brightly, spitting out a "take that!" to the group. "Is it because I make you melt, Ji-xiong?" He asked, playfully sticking out his tongue.

Still laying in the snow, Jin Ling covered his eyes. "Ew. I did not want to see that. Please never do that again."

Hanguang-Jun didn't seem outwardly amused, but Wei Ying could tell he was snickering at the remark (on the inside!). That is, until the Second Master Lan stepped forward once more. "No time for this. Advance."

With that, the disciples scurried back and followed. Even his husband seemed to get the message that his teasing time was regretfully over. Maybe Lan Zhan WASN'T laughing on the inside? Actually, he seemed so tense all of a sudden. Stiff as a board. When they'd arrived, he was his usual smittenly sweet self. Now it was like he was in a cultivation conference listening to the nonsense being spit by anyone who craved a sliver of attention. But he had seen him amused by it! So what just happened?

Sizhui, covertly speeding up behind Wei Ying, tugged on his sleeve. If he hadn't been half-expecting the kid to notice, he might've flinched. But A-Yuan was attentive. The subtle frown on the teen's face, the way his eyebrows lowered, and his lip sunk just a bit- Sizhui was worried too. And maybe, just maybe, Wei Ying was close enough to now be able to decipher his kid too.

Before either of them could try to get to the bottom of this, a quiet thunk was heard. Thunking wasn't the typical crunch of the snow now was it? Heads turned to Lan Jingyi, the origin of the sound. At the disciple's feet, something was peeking out. The group gathered around the unidentified object like ducklings, before digging into the fresh powder.

"It's... It's some kind of box?" Someone announced. Three of them lifted it up, but whatever was inside was buried at this point. Tipping it over, parcels containing cloths and pendants fell out. Many of them held the same, if not similar design to the tapestry previously hung in the Jingshi, and the symbol on their map.

"Well!" Wei Ying bent down, grabbing one of the pendants and sweeping snow off its print. "At least we know we're getting close!" He perked up, "And this wasn't buried deep. Someone was carrying this recently. Maybe even a few hours ago. Could've been a merchant, could've been a shopkeeper desperate to preserve their valuables. But it was abandoned here within the last 24 hours, so there's at least one person nearby."

Wangji nodded. But he kept the grim look on his face. It was always a possibility, but no one was happy when he added, "Check for bodies."

They dug around. No bodies. That was a relief. Whoever was out here, well, hopefully this meant shelter was somewhere, and still intact. Townspeople didn't have golden cores, they wouldn't make it long in this.

So they kept going. Wei Ying kept his eyes on Lan Wangji, and through his peripheral vision, watched as Sizhui and now Jingyi seemed to fret at the sight of their beloved Hanguang-Jun. If Jin Ling had any suspicions, he was doing so from afar, trailing behind with the very end of the group.

What was especially concerning, was that Lan Zhan didn't notice them. Really, Lan Wangji wasn't noticing their not-so discreet eyes piercing into him. He just kept walking.

But a hut, a hut on the hill, would draw attention away from that. A hut on a hill with a fire nonetheless, as smoke came out of the side of the place. The teens cheered, scurrying up closer, but never going past their Second Jade, who kept his simple pace. Luckily he seemed relaxed at the sight. Thank goodness, it was unbearable to see that side of him! Oh Wei Ying was definitely having a conversation with his lover about this later.

Wangji lightly knocked on the door. The loud screech of the bitter wind nearly drowned the voices inside the cabin out. But the door swung open. A woman put a hand to her chest, sighing with relief. "The cultivators have arrived!" She cried out. "Oh you're here, we're saved! We're saved!"

She pushed the door out wider. Groups of people could be seen sitting on the floor, the younger of which appearing to be swaddled in thin, scarce blankets. There was enough people crowded in this tiny house to... To fill a village! Oh!

All of them huddled around a tiny bundle of wood lit aflame in the middle of the floor. Just barely, it seemed, as it was more of a flicker than a flame. The Juniors were already taking care of that, a fire talisman sweeping through the air to get a brighter flame on the already charred wood. "Jingyi, Jin Ling, gather some wood." Lan Wangji instructed. "Sizhui, keep feeding the flame as best as you can."

The three nodded, immediately doing as they were told. Sizhui shielded the fire when the other two had opened the door. Still, the fire wavered, hanging on by what could best be compared to a loose thread. "Miss, what happened?" Wangji asked, in as few, few words as possible. At least that was normal.

"Hanguang-Jun," She started, slowly. "Hanguang-Jun, a few days ago, one of our youngest here, A-Bao, had wandered off. When he came back into town, he said he'd met a little girl." The woman's breath hitched, eyes welling up with tears. "H-He said this girl was friendly, and she wanted to play with him. A-Bao talked to her and... and he mentioned he liked snow. So the little girl promised she'd make it snow for him the next day."

It sounded like a fairytale, almost. "We thought... we thought it was a joke. But the snow came the next day. At the time, it was a coincidence to us. It's winter, we don't usually get a lot of it but it's not uncommon. But the snow never stopped!" She cried out, causing a few gathered by the fire to groan, or cover their ears. "It never stopped! We tried sending requests for aid. But every time we sent someone out, they came back, halfway to death's doorstep! No one could bear the journey! The last person to go out never came back! Sang Meng, our most talented in cultivation! A-Bao is his brother... So he went to fix his mess! Oh please, please!" The woman was kneeling now, gripping her dress, tightly. "Please help us, Hanguang-Jun! The boy might've died! We can't last like this!"

A spirit, most definitely. No curse could do this, and last he'd checked, Wei Ying wasn't aware of any large scale weather changing talismans. However, it would be unlikely this spirit would attempt to freeze over the town, and send a signal while its people were still alive. If it was out to kill, no warnings would be given. Therefore, it was not the spirit to have burnt the tapestry last night. Wei Ying's eyes glimmered with a realization. "Has Sang Meng ever created any original talismans?"

The woman nodded, vigorously. "He's been working on an altered fire talisman last I'd heard. Why?"

"He's alive, or, was. Last night. He could still be out there."

Everyone gasped. Some pulled each other close, some remaining more distant. The juniors were surprised, especially. But hope, hope was in the eyes of the townspeople. It was an all too familiar feeling. Wangji nodded, catching onto what his husband had eluded to. "Incident in the Cloud Recesses." He confirmed, though giving no other details. "Sang Meng could be alive. Most likely with the spirit now. I need to go."

...I? When had there ever been an I with them? The one person Wei Ying did not want of this house, and he was volunteering. "Lan Zhan-" He tried, but honestly, it was no use. He also, in good conscience, did not want to send the kids out in this, possibly to retrieve a body. Besides, his husband was already halfway to the door. "Lan Zhan!!! I'm coming with you! Wait for Xian-gege!"

"Wei Ying will stay here."

"Wei Ying absolutely will not. Silly Lan-er-ge."

They were both impossible to sway from these kinds of things. Righteousness was as much of a curse as it was a blessing. The Second Master Lan sighed, taking his beloved's hand. "Wei Ying is cold. The juniors are cold. They will stay here and help keep warm." He insisted,

Wei Ying huffed. Were they fighting? Was this a fight? No, Wangji was looking at him with those sweet big eyes of his. Guilt trap. It was a guilt trap, do not fall for it. They weren't fighting, Lan Zhan was worried. The other hated that. "Lan Zhan is cold too, he just won't admit it. This Yiling Patriarch is coming with you, and you cannot stop him!" With that, he continued for the door.

Wei Ying was set on this. These kids were absolutely not going to fight whatever was able to plague this whole place with a blizzard. It was definitely not the best idea to bring them, now that they had an idea of what was going on. But they could still help these people, hopefully not freezing in the meantime. "Oh, and A-Yuan, you're in charge. None of you are allowed to come with us, just make yourselves useful here. We're gonna go get the bad thing now! Don'tdoanythingstupidokaybyebye!" He beamed, ignoring the near horrified face of their son, and stepping out into the snow. His soulmate was already ten paces ahead.

Lan Wangji, just what was he not telling his A-Ying?

-

The woman, who Lan Sizhui now knew as Feng Jixiao, turned to face him. "So, are they always like this?"

A-Yuan laughed, timidly. There was only one word that came to mind to answer that, his beloved Hanguang-Jun's favorite phrase in the world. "Mn." He answered, closing his eyes. The disciple couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong, and that he was missing something very important here. But what...

-

Wei Ying panted, holding himself up on his knees. "Lan... Zhan... not so fast." He mumbled, getting no response. Or rather, if he did get one, he couldn't hear. The wind had grown louder since they'd gone inside. But it was just the two of them out here now, and Wei Wuxian was determined to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with his husband. In this case, it had to come first. Spirit, rescue, whatever they were doing, his soulmate came first- and Wei Ying did not have a good feeling about this. No, not at all. Was Lan Zhan swaying?

They'd been walking for about an hour. Honestly, they probably strayed far away from their original direction long ago. Luckily, the two had a teleportation talisman to use if they started to freeze. Over an hour now, and still no sign of a boy. No taunting whispers of a spirit either. If they couldn't find this spirit, they would have to call for additional aid from the clan and evacuate the townspeople. The only reason they hadn't, well, those without a core had a slim chance of surviving long enough to get to safety. Yuanwei would bury itself, something that Wangji understood, and absolutely would not accep- Was Lan Zhan swaying?

No, Wei Ying couldn't give in to paranoia. The winds were strong, and his vision was blurred with snowflakes that would fall from his eyelashes as he blinked. He definitely was not seeing his husband sway as he walked. He wasn't noticing the way that his soulmate clenched his hands, stretching them in and out. What was it? Had he found A-Bao's brother? Was the sight too terrible to see? Wei Ying took his eyes off Hanguang-Jun for a moment, a fraction in time, to try and organize these frenzied thoughts of his...

Thud.

If a thousand snowflakes had fallen last evening, then the Heavens should be happy with what they'd brought down. The will of no deity or divine being ever deserved to take Hanguang-Jun down with it. But he was falling. By sheer adrenaline, Wei Wuixian was moving. As fast as any rules would forbid, he was moving. Across the sea of dusty white, he was going. But today, Wei Ying couldn't move fast enough. The Second Jade hit the ground, any and all color drained from his face. Lan Wangji was on the ground... a ground that began crackling and crunching underneath him. Snow didn't crackle like that. The Earth did not crackle.

They were walking on a lake. A fucking frozen lake for who knows how long. A frozen body of water they somehow had defied fate on until now. But now his soulmate was unconscious. He looked like he had DIED. How far out were they?! The ice was buried under the snow, Wei Ying couldn't tell! He couldn't see- FUCK!

"LAN ZHAN!"

An earth-shattering scream rang out, and god did he run. Wangji dipped below the surface and he ran. Wei Ying didn't even feel as though he was running. No, he was flying, as fast as humanly possible. The ice cracked beneath his feet as he ran, but he would not falter nor slip. The Yiling Patriarch did not stop as he dove just his hands into the freezing water. Thousands of needles shot through his every nerve, barely registering the white cloth he'd gotten ahold of. But once he saw it, he didn't hesitate. Wei Ying pulled. 'Please don't just be the headband,' he thought, desperately. He pulled and pulled with all the strength he'd worked to regain. Come on... come on! Lan Zhan!

Wei Ying fell back with a limp body in his arms. The former Jiang disciple didn't have time to even check if he was still breathing. They had to- he had to keep running! This ice absolutely not going to hold much longer. The teleportation talisman wouldn't be fast enough! He'd fucking play a life and death game of hopscotch across glaciers if he had to. Lan Wangji just fainted on him. He should've stopped him from coming. He should've said something sooner! This was all his fault!

Bichen. Wangji still had Bichen with him. Wei Ying was too weak to ride a sword, he didn't bring Suibian. But goddammit he was gonna ride this sword. WITH Lan Wangji. Unconcious. There were no other options. Bichen already had let him wield them once, a long time ago, so Wei Ying was eternally grateful when he was able to unsheathe the sword again. He threw it straight out, shaking hands gathering up the Second Jade, and hopping on.

Of course, he'd nearly fallen off right then and there. Bichen had taken a sharp swerve left to keep them on. Wei Ying adjusted his footing, and they were going at breakneck speed, on a dizzying, unclear path. He was on a moving tightrope, and could only hope when they eventually got to the ground, it was real ground. Solid, snow-covered ground. The wind hurt as they flew, but any pain in his hands was completely blocked out by frostbitten numbness and sheer determination.

They weren't high. He didn't feel like breaking any bones if they DID get lucky enough to not die from this. Wei Ying could only swing helplessly back and forth, trying to delay the inevitable for as long as possible. Eventually, he'd more or less gone dry of spiritual energy and lost his momentum, and they tumbled off the sword, which came to a halt. Wei Ying wasn't sure if he closed his eyes, or they'd done that by himself. He really didn't want to watch himself die again.

There wasn't any cracking. So, one eye peeked back open. Trembling, he slammed down on the ground with his arm. Not slippery. Hard. No cracking sounds. No breaking. Lan Wangji was in his arms. Panicked relief swept over him as though he'd never experienced before. He could cry, hell, he was already close. But it was too cold. Icicles hanging off his face wouldn't help. "Lan Zhan." He whispered pushing his body over to his husband, turning the Lan on his back. His voice was raspy, and god was he tired. "Lan Zhan." He shook. "A-Zhan. Wake up."

He didn't. Wei Ying hunched over him, breathing hard. He took his finger's to the other's wrist, hesitantly. He really, really couldn't feel, though. The Yiling Patriarch's hands were ghostly white. Was Lan Zhan breathing? He thinks so? Fuck it, he'd do it anyway. Wei Ying used his entire body to press into the other's chest. Deep, strong rounds of pushing, with the scarce bits of spiritual energy he had left being infused into his husband.

Before he could do any mouth to mouth (much to his dismay), a pained groan escaped the Second Jade's throat. Wei Ying quickly moved back, gasping. "Lan Zhan?" He asked, lacing his fingers into his soulmate's hand. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted to smack him too, but mostly kiss him. Instead, Wangji just turned over, harshly coughing. A small trail of water he'd breathed in fell onto the ground.

Glazed-over eyes stared back at him. The typical strong, striking gaze of the Lan's golden eyes looked more like they were dripping in honey. Wangji blinked, looking confused. "Wei Ying?" He asked, quietly. Wei Ying only nodded, bringing his unfeeling hand to Lan Zhan's face. Wangji looked as though he wanted to say more, but was simply too out of it. It didn't take much thinking to know that he was ice cold, colder than he was, even if Wei Ying couldn't feel it. They had to find shelter.

There was a tree nearby. Wei Ying trudged over with his own tired and bitterly freezing body and snapped off a thick, long branch. Leaning most of his weight onto his new walking stick, he swung Wangji's arm over his shoulders. "Lan Zhan, I'm going to carry you on my back, okay?" He spoke. Switching which hand he held his stick, he got the Second Jade's other arm around his neck. "Hang on for me, please."

Wei Ying had never said a genuine please in his life.

Wangji gave him no answer. Luckily, he seemed to comply, trying to hold his feet up, just a few centimeters off the ground, so they didn't drag. It was enough. Ideally, Wei Ying would be able to hold his legs, or just cradle the other bridal style in his arms once again. But this was not ideal, and he was exhausted. Wei Ying wasn't sure he'd stay upright without leaning against the stick. That, and he refused to stand on the ice again. If they were getting close, the stick would be the one being plunged into the frozen lake. Never would anyone think the Yiling Patriarch would be hunched over, stabbing the Earth with a walking stick with a frozen Hanguang-Jun on his back all those years ago. Yet here they were.

There was nothing to see but white. If only Wei Ying had more spiritual energy. The teleportation talisman they'd brought was just about useless now. Neither of them would have enough to use it- Lan Zhan's was far too important in keeping him alive. No signals would work in the blizzard either. Perhaps it wasn't the smartest decision for them to come alone. Then again, if all those kids had fallen into the ice... Wei Wuxian would never forgive himself. He'd never forgive himself for this.

...Wangji had closed his eyes again, head buried into Wei Ying's back as they walked. Was it a relief? Or was he- no, Wei Ying couldn't think about that. He was fine, for now. He WOULD be fine. When this was all over, fuck it, they were going on a break. A year-long break far away from any of this. No night hunting, no cultivation world. The Sects would just have to learn how to live without him and Lan Zhan solving all their problems. The world owed them it's kindness.

Heh, if he wasn't so blind, maybe things would be different. Maybe he could've married Lan Zhan all those years ago. Maybe the Burial Mounds could be the Yiling Wei Sect by now. Maybe Wen Qing and Granny Wen and Uncle Four would be sitting around a table as they feast. Or maybe they'd all be in the Cloud Recesses. Wen Ning would be perfect for this job, considering he's dead. He wanted to call him, in a desperate attempt, but Wei Ying knew he was in Lanling right now.

Maybe if he'd gotten Jiang Cheng out of that damn Wen prison earlier... They'd both have their cores. Maybe he wouldn't have walked his single-plank bridge. He could be sitting in Lotus Pier right now, and Shijie...

A cave. A cave?

He was hallucinating. That definitely wasn't the entrance to a cave. Oh, but it was too good to pass up. For Lan Zhan's sake, he'd have to hope it was real. Slowly sweeping through the mountains of white wet shit, Wei Ying put a hand to the outside rock wall of the hallucinated cave. Solid. Solid? It was real.

The inside was dark, damp, and depressing. Not the first cave they'd be stuck in, unfortunately. This one at least looked a little different, ice hanging from the ceiling in certain spots. But the cave- it was also deep. Deep enough to hide away from the whirring wind outside, and finally sit down with the Second Jade. He didn't waste a moment to pat his hand on the other's cheek, even if his own bones screamed at him. "Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan, you can't sleep anymore." Wei Ying spoke, soft, and hurriedly. "Lan Zhan. Open your eyes."

Those golden, honey glow eyes fluttered once more. "Wei Ying." Lan Wangji repeated, as if picking up where he'd left off before. Just by the way his head rested off the cave wall, Wei Ying could tell he was dizzy. "What-"

"I'd like to ask you the same question, Mister 'I'm fine I don't need a break' and 'let's faint on my husband'." The other bit, not exactly meaning to be harsh about it. Still, it probably came off that way. "You. You fainted. What the hell have you been doing? Why won't you talk to me?" Stop. He wasn't angry. Why was he saying these things?

'I'm sorry.' Wei Ying thought, his breath hitching. 'I'm so sorry for not doing something sooner. I let you fall.'

"I..." Wangji really, REALLY looked tired. But Wei Ying couldn't let him sleep. No, not until he warmed up, even just a little. Otherwise, he might never wake up again. "I can't tell... Wei Ying. I can't tell him." The Second Master suddenly shot upright, grasping at Wei Ying's clothes. "You won't tell him, will you? Please don't tell him."

Oh, that wasn't good. That wasn't good at all. Deliria? "...I won't tell him." Wei Ying answered back, sadly. He shuffled on the floor. That walking stick was about to come in hand. "I won't tell him anything... but we need to get you warmed up." Snapping the stick into three... four smaller sticks, he sprinkled them on a dry spot. Luckily, there was another tree right outside the cave entrance. So Wei Ying had taken Bichen once again, the sword being much heavier this time and chopped up bundles of logs. He came back to the same, mumbling Lan Zhan seated in the exact same place.

He had a fire talisman. Not that he couldn't start one on his own, but this was way easier. Plus, he didn't need spiritual energy for this one. A bit of his tinkering had come to the rescue. Fire talismans were one of the easiest to alter, he'd found. But if that kid had sent a strategic fire all the way to the Cloud Recesses, well, he was a bit of a genius. His rescue would have to wait, though.

The fire caught, blazingly. Sticking his hands over it made them feel as though they were melting back to some degree of normal. "Lan Zhan, I'm gonna move you closer to the fire, okay?"

He didn't get a verbal response. But he did get a pout, and puffed out cheeks. That couldn't help but make him laugh. "Ah Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan," He spoke, carrying his lover and plopping him on the ground, for him to then lean against Wei Ying's body. "Is Lan Zhan five? No, that can't be it. How about three?" He teased, trying to lighten the mood.

What didn't Wangji want to tell him? He couldn't be sure. All he could do was gather them up and throw them into the fire. Dissipate, burn and disintegrate and fly away. Make like a bird and fly away.

Hanguang-Jun was down. They had no idea where the spirit was. The Juniors and all the townspeople were waiting for them. Sang Meng's survival was looking less and less likely by the minute.

Lan Zhan was down.

"Shijie," He looks up, frowning, "Xianxian doesn't know what to do now."   

[the-jade-cross]

No Matter What - Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Fawn didn't know what emotions to feel as she sat beside the unconscious Alby as he lay in the bed, sweating and moaning in his sleep. Thomas and Minho had appeared alive at the gate of the maze that morning with the news that Thomas had killed one of the hideous beasts. Fawn reached over and felt Alby's forehead and found it to be boiling hot, hotter than it had been 3 minutes ago . The girl was just reaching out for a fresh cold pack when she heard yells coming from outside. Sprinting out, she was shocked to find all the boys at the foot of the lookout, rocks raining down on them like giant hail ... But to Fawn it sounded like someone was playing drums while everybody else was yelling in fright.

“ I don't think she likes us,” Newt yelled over the ruckus.

Fawn finally reached them and the raining rocks continued but now that she was close, the sound was louder.

“ what is going on? Did Winston dream he was a monkey again!?”

Newt shook his head , “ a new greenie came up... it's a girl and she is very ornery.”

Fawn frowned, “but it has only been a few days since Thomas.”

“exactly,” the boy agreed, “and what is even more crazy, is the first thing that she said was Thomas's name and she was looking right at him as if she knew him.”

Fawn perst her lips in thought as the rocks stopped pelting down on them and she could hear Thomas making his way cautiously up the ladder to talk to the new greanie.

“ I'm guessing Gally isn't taking this too well? He seemed pissed earlier when Thomas got all that praise for surviving the maze .”

Newt chuckled and Fawn did not need an answer when she heard Gally nearby grumbling something about suspicious happenings.

“ I think he should worry less about Thomas and his coincidal involvement and worry more about the New Girl. I haven't met her really but something does not feel right about her .” Newt mumbled.

Fawn nodded in agreement and began to make her way to the slaughterhouse with Drake to do the daily release of the goats. A few hours later when she had fed the animals for the evening, she tucked Drake into bed in his little Patch of hay near the chickens and returned to check on Alby. When she walked in, she could hear Minho, Gally, Thomas, Newt... and a girls voice there. She must be the greenie... but what were they doing in here with Alby? “ Fawn,” Newt said, walking over to take her hand, “ Alby is going to be OK. There was a cure in the box and it seems to be working .”

“ oh, Fawn,” Thomas said, “this is Teresa.”

Fawn tilted her head, the girl had been here 2 hours and already she knew her name? Now that was sketchy. Fawn held out her hand blindly to Teresa and felt long skinny fingers grab her hand.

“so you are the blind girl,” Teresa's voice huffed.

Fawn did not know if she should feel offended by the greeting or worried by the fact that Teresa already knew about her blindness.

“ we never told you that Fawn was blind.” Minho observed, his voice darkening with suspicion.

Teresa brushed it off with a high pitched a giggle, “oh I could tell since her eyes are void of any feeling or intelligence. You cannot be intelligent if you are as blind as a bat.”

Minho, Gally and Newt all moved to defend Fawn and drill the greenie with their suspicions when Fawn spoke up first.

“ actually, bats are not so blind that they cannot see squat. Same for me. I may not be able to see color in detail but I see enough to know that you have long hair, are as skinny as a broomstick and you keep looking at Thomas every 3.2568 minutes. ”

The added decimals were not actually accurate but the three minutes were and despite the fact that the boys knew that Fawn had told a tall tale for the last part just for good measure, they were impressed while Teresa looked furious.

“so a cure huh?” Fawn asked, touching Alby's head that was no longer on fire with a fever, “how did you know it would work?”

“ we didn't,” Gally explained, “but miss greanie-I -know-everything injected it into Alby before we could stop her .”

Teresa crossed her arms over her chest ... Actually below her chest in an attempt to push her boobs up to try to make them bigger than they were once she had noticed that Fawn had a natural decently sized rack . “ you are not going to lock me up so don't bother thinking about it. I've just saved your leader .”

“at what risk?” Newt snapped, “for all we know it could have killed him! You were just lucky but you won't be lucky because we are locking you up until tomorrow when we can decide what to do with your obnoxious ass. While Alby is out I am in charge and both you and Thomas here have some serious explaining to do. Gally you may do the honors.” new one Gally grabbed one of Teresa's arms and began dragging her out of the room and motioned for Thomas to follow. When they were almost out the door, Thomas realized that it also meant his lock up for directly disobeying one of the three rules: entering the maze when you are not a runner and he began to follow them out while the other three lingered behind.

“ and so you know,” Minho whispered to Fawn, “Thomas, myself and some of the guys went back into the maze to the dead griever and we found this radio thing in its gut... we think there may be a way out of the maze .”

“let's focus on the overly suspicious greanie and then we can discuss theories,” Newt suggested gently.

Fawn groaned, “can I sick Drake on her?”

Newt and Minho both laughed when they were brutally cut off by the most horrifying scream they had ever heard. Rushing out as fast as they could run, the three saw that the sun had set and the glade members were running around like frightened ants that had their anthill run over by human foot. Newt was about to ask what was going on from one of the boys that ran past them when Gally ran up to them, having just locked both Thomas and Teresa up in the Brig.

“the maze... the maze is not closing!” he panted in fear.

Fawn's eyes widened in fear and she turned to Newt, “ but if the doors do not close when it's dark... that means...”

Newt nodded, already knowing what she was going to say, “ grievers.”

Just as those words left his lips, loud piercing screeches swallowed the maze and the glade and emerging from the maze like giant spiders from a hole came hundreds of giant spider like creatures... and the glade would be prey to them all night... with no protection.

********

Newt chewed steadily on his fingernails, a nervous habit that he had broken long ago and only just now reintroduced to himself. The sun was high in the sky, shining down on the emptiness of the Glade. More than half of the boys had been slaughtered by the grievers and their bodies dragged back into the maze-like wolves taking a carcass into their cave. The boy looked over at where Fawn stood by her torn hammock with Drake at her side, gathering what little things she owned, including the name jar and slipping them discreetly into a knapsack.

After what had happened the night before and how Alby, Zart and so many of the other guys had been massacred, Gally had accused Thomas and Teresa of being spies of WICKED and had encouraged more than half of the remaining glade members to banish them to the maze that night and Newt had told Minho, Chuck and Fawn to gather a few supplies and be prepared to enter the maze with them and try to find a way out. After all, another night with the grievers on the loose would kill them all and the passage Thomas had found was their only hope.

Newt abruptly reached out and grabbed Minho’s arm, the boy having just walked past him.

“I need to speak with you,” He hissed in an urgent tone to the runner.

He apparently got Minho’s attention for the boy stopped walking and listened to him intently, “What is going on? Is it about Thomas stabbing himself with that stinger to try and “get back his memory”? We already agreed to not question his motives on the fact that he did find out what WICKED has been doing to us here all this time.”

Newt shook his head, “It’s not that. This is about Fawn.”

Minho immediately froze and his eyes glazed over with concern, “What is it?”

“We are going to enter the maze tonight Minho. The grievers will be all over us like ants and the maze is exactly what it is: a maze. If we do not get to the secret chamber before the grievers discover that the minnows are in the water, then there is less chance of us surviving than the chances we had last night. You and I both know that if they attack, they will take out the weak, slower and disabled ones of us.”

Minho smiled softly, “I wouldn’t worry about Fawn man. She is wicked fast with that bow of hers and she doesn’t even need good eyes to see those grievers. Fawn will probably be the last person who would be prey to those creatures.”

Newt nodded, “I know that which is why I need to ask a favor of you.”

“Anything man. What do you need?” Minho asked, completely oblivious.

Newt swallowed thickly, hating himself for having to say this to his best friend and hating the fact that it was the right thing to do, “If we get out of that maze, I need you to promise me that you will look after Fawn. she trusts you Minho probably more than she trusts me because she knows that you will tell her how things are straight to her face and not make up a story to make the truth seem so much better than it is. Promise me that you will take care of her.”

Minho frowned and his deep brown eyes were full of fear and confusion, “What are you talking about? How do you know that you wont be there to take care of her? You aren’t planning on breaking off this thing you have with her are you? Newt, man, Fawn loves you more than anyone else and if she had to choose between the two of us to care for her, she would pick you each and every single time.”

“It isnt because I want to give her up,” Newt explained, “But how can I care for her if I am dead Griever lunch? Minho, they will go after the weakest of us… the ones who stand little chance of surviving. Out of everyone in the Glade, I am the weakest amongst us. Never in my life have I hated my limp more than right now when I know that it will slow me down and give me a higher chance of being one of the first to be picked off. You have to pick off the dull, rotten grapes first before you go in for the ripe, healthy ones.”

“Stop comparing yourself to grapes!” Minho interrupted, cringing at the thought, “Newt, Buddy, stop being the old grandma who is planning who will attend her funeral and what her coffin will look like even before she is diagnosed with a fatal disease. We have no control over when we die or how we go. Until the day when you are dying of a fatal disease or wounded and will never recover, I do not want to be talking about you dying or what you will put in your will! We’re too young to be even thinking about this!

Newt sighed, “Minho, there was a thirteen year old boy who died last night even though yesterday morning he never thought he was going to see death in the safety of the maze. We are in the battle of our lives and our opponent is death itself. Just like you said, we have no control over when we die nor do we have control over if we are allowed to keep living. Everything is a game of chance and my chances of making it out of the griever nest alive are much fewer than you and Fawn’s chances. You are a runner Minho, you run from death every day while I’m the guy who tried to take life and death into his own hands and what do I get? A lame leg and a girl I am madly in love with and zero chance of making it out alive with.”

Minho opened his mouth to protest but Newt gripped his shoulders in his hands, “Mate, I may or may not die tonight in the maze but either way, I am asking this of you because I cannot bear to leave Fawn alone without either of us knowing who will care for her. Whether my time comes tonight in that bloody maze or if it doesn’t come until I’m old and grey and eighty-four and sitting in a rocking chair with Fawn at my side, I want to know that no matter what, Fawn will be safe and taken care of.”

Minho’s lip was trembling as he listened to Newt’s heartfelt words. The boy couldn’t recall the last time he had been brought to tears… definitely not since he entered the maze. He bit his lip because darn it all if Newt was the one who would make him cry, he would die embarrassed and ashamed that it took Newt talking all serious to make him cry.

“I…” he stuttered out, feeling his vision blur from the salty tears, “Newt…”

The lame boy smiled and pulled the runner into his arms and hugged him close. There had never really been hugs passed around between the boys before. Of course when Fawn arrived that changed and Minho now wondered why none of them had hugged each other before. He felt all his pain and worry wash away. Newt pulled away and gripped the boy’s shoulders tightly as he stared into his very soul with his big chocolate brown eyes.

“Promise me… please Minho,” he whispered hoarsely as tears of his own sprung ot his eyes but he let them fall freely.

The runner sighed deeply and nodded his head, a single tear escaping his eyes, “I’ll do it…. the day something happens to you, i will take care of Fawn.”

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

I Taste Honey but I Haven’t Seen the Hive - Chapter Three

Ao3,  MasterPost,   C.1,   C.2

Relationships: eventual queer-platonic intruality

Warnings: swearing, innuendo (thanks Remus), a bit of spiraling thoughts, even more guilt (patton get a grip man),  

Word Count: 2,721

Patton stood in the center of Remus’ room, waiting patiently while the being darted this way and that. Maybe he should’ve sat down, but none of the furniture in the room looked domesticated enough. Maybe he should’ve moved out of the way, at the very least, but the edges of the room rolled and moved and Patton did not want to know what made the corners seem so indefinite.

Remus moved in repetitions. First, he would reach into some shelf or jar or receptacle (or, on occasion, stick his hand right through the wall)- retrieving some item large or small- and hold it in his claws. He would then turn it over in his hands, and smell/lick/poke it. Each time he’d deem it not what he was looking for, drop it- never in the same place that he’d gotten it from- and then move on again. Around and around he went in the room, doing the same thing on each cycle. 

Patton was starting to get dizzy watching it, honestly. 

Remus stopped in front of his closet this time, and leaned in. He rummaged, loudly, but this time there was a shout of “Aha!” that made Patton start in surprise.

“What-!” He cleared his throat, “What did you find?”

Remus jumped to his feet, shimmying his shoulders back and forth. A loud clatter followed each movement, like legos in a barrel. When Patton tried to see what he had, though, he turned his back to him again. 

“I found something to do that won’t traumatize you!” He sing-songed, dancing around and keeping up the clamor of his mystery object. Patton laughed, light and surprised, trying again to take a look. Again, Remus danced ridiculously out of the way.

“Well, that’s very considerate of you," he trailed behind the source of the noise, smiling,  “Mind telling me what it is?” 

“What’s it sound like?” Remus shook the box again. Although- Patton could see now that it wasn’t a box as much as it was a case; a very, very large and heavy-looking case, half the size of Remus’ torso. 

“Um- bean bag filling?”

Remus cackled, his head tipping side to side.

“Nope! I’m pretty sure I would’ve eaten it by now!”

“Uh-huh,” Patton couldn’t help giggling to himself, as Remus’ laughter- along with many things about him- was infectious. “Is it a box full of maracas?”

Remus bounced on his heels, shook his head. Patton didn’t waste time guessing again. He knew just what an impatient Creativity looked like, and so he waited the last few moments before Remus couldn’t help turning around on his own and happily displaying the container. 

  Cradled in the Duke’s arms was the enormous case of clear-plastic, filled to the brim with what Patton could now see were pony beads. The beads came in every color thinkable- plenty of varieties, too. Glitter, metallic, letters, star-shaped, heart-shaped, tooth-shaped, et cetera et cetera! There were also, of course, spools of elastic. And charms, metal or rubber, plenty of those for decorating.

Patton examined this carefully, as a cautious excitement warmed him through his chest. He looked from the case to Remus, finding the side grinning proudly up at him. 

“Bracelets?” Patton questioned.

“Bracelets!” Remus answered.

He was caught off-guard by such a wholesome hobby, he couldn’t lie, but Remus showed no signs that any of this was odd at all. As he wandered across his room, kicking heaps of trash and laundry out of the way to make room for them to sit, Patton found himself following his lead without much debate. 

“I know you like to make those little thread ones,” Remus sat down on the floor, gesturing loosely to Patton’s arm, “And I make these beady things every now and then, so.” 

“But I’ve never seen you wear any?” He sat down across from Remus, folding his legs beneath himself. The carpet was stained with many unpleasant colors- mostly dark red, and an upsetting amount of yellowed-gray. He was careful to avoid those patches. 

“I wear ‘em under my sleeves, for when I wanna play with them. Making them gives me something to do with my hands, I guess,” Remus slid his fingers under the ruffled cuff of his sleeve, slipping a bracelet off his wrist. He held it up, displaying its murky green and black beads, the word ‘vomit’ spelled out with square beads in the middle of it. 

“Oh!” Patton reached forward in excitement, rolling the plastic between his fingers. It felt smooth, movements fluid, the beads rattling pleasantly against each other. “You use them to stim?”

Something in Remus’ expression lit up like fluorescents, replacing his usual unnerving mania with a flash of genuine excitement. 

“I use everything I wear to stim, Daddio,” he gestured first to his frayed sash, then the teeth sewn into his shirt, and onto the layers of glittered fabric. He was covered in flashing colors and textured fabrics and different parts, all apparently intentionally placed.

That spark of similarity was all it took for Patton to forget the vestiges of his awkwardness, as he let go of Remus’ bracelet and yet again laughed.

 He helped Remus set up the case, slotting the different sections of it out and setting them down in between themselves. There were so many, and once it was all set, Remus wasted no time in getting to work. The motions he went through were practiced, well-worn with almost nothing other than muscle memory and a vague sense of design. 

Just like that, they were both quiet again- Remus because of his focus, Patton because he lacked the words to say. He tried to follow the other side’s lead, snipping a bit of elastic off a thick spool from the center of the case and grabbing a handful of beads, haphazardly.

Opening up his hand to look at the selection, he found a few neon pink ones, reds shaped like anatomically accurate hearts, and an oblong metal charm that bore striking resemblance to a-

Oh! 

He tossed that one back, feeling flustered. 

They’d both been quiet for too long, he realized. He didn’t know what to say, still, came the dawning fear next. Patton looked up from his work, mouth falling open without any plan, to find that Remus was already staring at him. Intently.

“Hi,” Patton blurted.

“Do you like music?” Remus said it at almost the same time as him, the words chasing each other. In his voice was a trace of awkwardness- not nearly as much as Patton’s, but it was there, and that was… comforting, somehow. 

He looked down at his hands, looping a few pink beads down his string. 

“What kind?”

Remus hummed confusedly, giving the distinct impression that he’d forgotten music came in different varieties. 

“Most kinds!” He began, “But today, I think I’m feeling violent- violent in a cute way, don’t worry,” he smiled, too, like that made sense at all, like he was trying to be persuasive. It was- what, endearing? Or at the very least it was funny. 

Patton smiled back, his hands twisting around his string.

“Whatever you want, bud.”

Remus had summoned a speaker already, but as he leaned over to place it he dropped it with a weighty thump. Patton jumped, seeing Remus sitting slack-jawed in surprise across from him. Concern filled his head, but then it clicked.

He’d never called him anything so… friendly.

“Oh- Remus, I-”

“It’s fine!” Remus scrambled to grab the speaker, claws skidding off it more than once. “Call me whatever! I don’t care!”

But his voice was a little too pitchy, and his pupils a bit too dilated, and Patton thought that he did care- that he in fact cared very much. 

When music filled the room, painfully loud at first, Patton said nothing. He watched Remus, twisting the volume knob in a very focused manner, and he felt warm. 

The sounds weren’t what he was used to, to say the least, but it was almost nice. Everything was a little too noisy, and a little too vulgar, and a lot too foul, but beneath it all he could see the appeal. He listened to it, and it seemed almost like he was learning. Patton scooped up another set of beads- this time with a bit more care- threaded them together contentedly. 

It felt like Remus was really trying to be hospitable. He wasn’t doing too bad of a job about it, either- which was more than Patton could say about himself, in years past. A lot more, actually. 

Remus’ voice broke through the music: “What are you thinking about?”

Patton blinked, smiling up at his maybe-sort-of-potential friend. 

“What do you mean?”

Remus’ face was angled down towards his project, contorted with concentration.

“You’re thinking about something. You make less noise than a day-old corpse when you get caught up in your head.”

“Oh!” Was he really that easy to read? Wait, don’t answer that… “It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.”

“C’mon, don’t do that. Take it from me- reigning champion in thinking about upsetting shit- talking about it is how you make sure your brain doesn’t devour itself Ouroboros-style.”

And Patton said, quietly:

“Yeah, but your upsetting thoughts don’t upset you.”

“Who said they don’t?” Remus sounded confused- genuinely, sincerely confused. Patton winced, taken aback by his own insensitivity. 

“Oh my goodness, it- I had no idea, I’m so sorry.” 

Remus’ confusion mounted.

“That’s alright?” He started, “I’m used to it all, I know how to handle it. Which is why, I was going to say, if you keep it all up here-” he tapped his head, a faint rattling resulted in it, “-then all your brains are gonna goosh out from your ears and eyes and nose from the stress! Probably.”

“I-” his voice wobbled, “I know.”

There was a beat.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” it wasn’t a question, but it was soft enough to sound like one. Patton refused to look up anyway, hands pulling taut the elastic of his bracelet. His eyes slipped closed for merely a moment, and he sighed.

“I can’t stop feeling guilty around you… but that’s just my problem, okay?”

Remus’ reaction was unexpected, even for him. He breathed out slow, exhaustion crawling down his face in such a foreign expression for him. His lips were quirked down in a half-scowl. 

“I make you uncomfortable, yeah?” He rolled his eyes, gesturing with his free hand. “This was your idea, you know. You can leave anytime you want, I’m sure as fuck not gonna think you’re rude- you think I’m in a place to judge people?” 

With a sudden intake of breath, Patton twisted his partially made bracelet around his hand and pulled it taught, startled and fidgeting. 

“What-? No! You aren’t the problem, Remus, I am,” he shook his head in bewilderment, “I don’t- I have no idea how to talk to you, but I know that I do want to! Everything you’ve done today makes me want to talk to you more, and I still can’t figure out how, and I- I’m sorry. I can’t get over the- well, the everything, Remus.”

There was an uncomfortable pause. Remus looked oddly vacant.

“Do you-” He stopped short.

“I should-” Patton cut off. 

This was a bad idea. It was a bad idea and he never should have done this and he never should have accepted Remus’ help in the first place. He wasn’t going to get the hang of this no matter how hard he tried, and now he’d somehow rendered Remus speechless, which clearly meant he’d messed up beyond what he thought possible. Patton hadn’t changed a bit, still so ungrateful and insensitive to this creature, who’d so selflessly helped him and held him and. And.

He felt sick. 

“It’s not your fault?” Remus’ words came out like a question. “I don’t know what you’re apologizing for, actually. Or why you’re doing that.”

Patton dropped the last few beads onto place, staring blankly at the untied jewelry in his hands. He counted the beads. Tried to breathe. 

“I’m sorry because you think that I don’t like you.”

Remus snorted. 

“You don’t like me.”

“Wh- yes, I do!”

“Oh, do you? Or do you like that I did something nice for you, and you think you need to pay it forward.”

Patton ground his teeth, indignant. No, he was confused about a lot of things, but this much he knew wasn’t the reality anymore.

“You know what? Maybe that was true, when I first decided I ‘had’ to do this, but I’ve done a lot of thinking- I can’t stop thinking about you, actually. I had so many ideas about what you were, what you meant, and it’s hard to understand that for thirty years- thirty years- I was wrong,” Patton set his jaw so tight it hurt. “But I’m going to understand it because I can see that you’re- you can be kind. You did a nice thing for me and you didn’t have to. You’re funny, too, I never thought you’d make me laugh, but you-”

Remus interrupted him with a snort. And then, he was cackling, doubled over and wheezing and Patton had no choice but to wait for him to finish. 

“Stop, fuck, stop talking,” Remus giggled, “I knew you were a himbo, but wow, dumb. You’re really beating yourself up about this, huh?” Remus had his chin resting on his hand, leaning forwards with half-lidded eyes and a lazy grin. “You don’t have to list all the reasons you should like me. You don’t owe me anything, and I like it that way.” 

Patton didn’t respond. Remus continued anyway. 

“I let you cry on me cuz you were having a meltdown. That’s just what people do. You’d do it- you’re way more cuddly and lovey-dovey than me, you’d do it for anybody. Anybody would do it for anybody. It doesn’t matter, Pops.”

Patton tied the knot of his bracelet, finally. looped the string over itself thrice and tightened it well. The backs of his eyes stung.

“Is it really so bad that I want to try being friends with you? Is that really so stupid?”

Remus’ expression cleared, the words not yet processed. Slowly, his mouth twisted, his eyes went just a bit wide, all in a look that shouted something like epiphany. He sunk his teeth into his lip. 

Remus snapped the bracelet he’d made with his claw, letting the beads scatter across the floor. He dove forward for the case, scooping up a new set, and got to work. He ordered them strategically, fixing them all into a line and moving so quickly that Patton realized he’d only been working so slowly before so that he was matching Patton’s own pace.

He was done in a minute or less, tying it off and slicing off the excess elastic.

“Arm, gimme.”

Patton felt a small rush of surprise, not even hesitating to stick his wrist out and let Remus push the bracelet up past his hand. The touch was gentle, letting the accessory fall into place on his arm.

It was bright and neon- more so than anything Patton would ever wear, usually. The colors were an eyesore, but they were. Well. Teal, white, interspersed with occasional green, and that said more about the jewelry than however saturated it was. There were unique beads dotted throughout, too- teddy bears and hearts. It was cute. It was comfortable.

Patton glanced up, so many things that he thought he should say but none of them came to fruition. Remus’ eyes bored into him with their intensity, questioning and fierce and almost confused.

Patton picked up his own small creation. It was pink and gray and white, all pastel and pretty, with metal charms that were cool to the touch. He nudged it over to Remus, fully aware that it contrasted with the side’s aesthetic even more than Remus’ gift did for him, and that he already had so very many.

But Remus didn’t hesitate either, shoving his sleeve up and adding the new piece to his collection. He grinned. 

And, as cheery as he ever sounded, like nothing odd had happened at all, Remus said:

“We should do this again sometime, then. Maybe I’ll even make you something with real hearts!”

Chapter Four

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