#chanlix are brothers

[christakisbang]

Ah~ My Little Brother. Thanks for always being there for me! Promise to always be by your side too! I'll never leave ya~

[yonglixx]

chan looks at felix like he gave birth to him himself

this is so true

[felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna]

[echo-rambles]

if you ever see me talking about chanlix, just know that I view them as a qpr and I try to write them as such

[felixir]

"That's my younger brother, Felix."

CHANLIX ♡ BST Hyde Park, Lollapalooza Chicago | Ep.1 docuseries

[hyunsvngs]

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 !

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

방찬 / 𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧 …

bad idea! [oneshot: stepdad!chan x fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

you're home for the holidays, and your mother - who you can't stand - has a new, young, hot boyfriend. it's such a good idea trying to seduce him.. right?

be quiet [oneshot: chan x fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

pwp - just the tip with chan :)

anniversary [oneshot: fem!chanlix x fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

pwp - morning sex with your girlfriends on your anniversary <3

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

이민호 / 𝐥����𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨 …

bold [oneshot: american footballers!minsung x cheerleader!fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

you’re not too experienced in the world of dating, parties and talking to people, but these two american footballers that you cheer for just seem to get it.

destress [oneshot: minho x fem!reader, 18+ nsfw]

your cutie college student boyfriend agrees to help you into subspace to take your mind off of your stressful exams.

visceral [oneshot: minho x fem!reader, 18+ nsfw]

your boyfriend has something he wants to try in bed. you didn't expect to like it so much. (watersports fic)

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

서창빈 / 𝐬𝐞𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐛𝐢𝐧 …

sugar [oneshot: vampire!changbin x fem!reader, 18+ nsfw]

changbin may be a vampire with supernatural strength, but there’s nothing he loves more than to let you take control.

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

황현진 / 𝐡𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧 …

hidden in plain sight [oneshot: hyunjin x gender neutral reader, sfw, fluff]

hyunjin is the only other guest at the wedding who’s single. you decide to play a ‘relationship for a day’ game - until it becomes a bit too real.

red, red wine [oneshot: hyunjin x female reader, 18+ nsfw, ft felix]

you have a friends with benefits situation with your best friend, felix, but when you confide in him about wanting to fuck one of your other friends, it ends better than you could’ve ever hoped.

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

한지성 / 𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐣𝐢𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠 …

bold [oneshot: american footballers!minsung x cheerleader!fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

you’re not too experienced in the world of dating, parties and talking to people, but these two american footballers that you cheer for just seem to get it.

princess [oneshot: jisung x female reader, 18+ nsfw]

pwp - jisung being called princess in bed :)

captain save-a-hoe! [oneshot: spiderman!jisung x fem!reader, 18+ nsfw]

you’re obsessed with spiderman, but after a certain event takes place, you become convinced your best friend and spiderman are the same person.

movie date [oneshot: college bf!jisung x fem!reader, 18+ nsfw]

there's an hour until your roommate comes back and your boyfriend is looking particularly delicious.

untitled #3 [oneshot: jisung x fem!reader, 18+ nsfw]

pwp - watersports commission!

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

이필릭스 / 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 …

fairy flowers [series: modern royalty!au, felix x fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

your childhood best friend, the prince lee felix, is due to be betrothed in an arranged marriage organised by his mother. the problem is, you're her top choice - and you're also secretly madly in love with him.

red, red wine [oneshot: felix x female reader, 18+ nsfw, ft hyunjin]

you have a friends with benefits situation with your best friend, felix, but when you confide in him about wanting to fuck one of your other friends, it ends better than you could’ve ever hoped.

anniversary [oneshot: fem!chanlix x fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

pwp - morning sex with your girlfriends on your anniversary <3

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

김승민 / 𝐤𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧 …

home run [oneshot: bfb baseball player!seungmin x fem reader, 18+ nsfw, enemies to lovers]

you love your best friend, you hate her baseball playing brother. he’s not been home for a few years during your summers back home, so you can’t wait for another amazing summer - until he returns home.

untitled #1 [oneshot: seungmin x fem!reader, 18+ nsfw]

fucking seungmin backstage after THE seungarms photo

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

양정인 / 𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧 ...

lavender boy [oneshot: alpha!jeongin x omega fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

you want the newly presented alpha jeongin to help you with your heat, but you're a little embarrassed - until you realise he desperately wants to spend it with you.

untitled #2 [oneshot: priest!jeongin x fem reader, 18+ nsfw]

jeongin as your boyfriend fulfilling one of your fantasies (priest roleplay, blasphemy kink)

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

𝐎𝐓𝟖 …

hot bitch summer [series: fratboy!au, stray kids x gn!afab reader, 18+ nsfw]

a night where you reveal your most intense desires to your best friend lands you in the hot seat. you quickly find yourself in the heart of frat party central - will you embrace the connections you make in your hot bitch summer?

kinktober 2023 [series: collab with cbini and hwanghyuniret!]

kinkmas 2023 [series: collab with cbini!]

halloscream 2024 [series: collab with hyungszn!]

nsfw alphabet - bang chan

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

asks directory -

my asks ♡ ot8 ♡ piss kink ♡ a/b/o ♡ fisting ♡ monsterfucking ♡ lactation kink ♡ fem!skz ♡ minsung ♡

chan ♡ minho ♡ changbin ♡ hyunjin ♡ jisung ♡ felix ♡ seungmin ♡ jeongin

why hasn’t my ask been answered?

𓈒 ﹒ ☆ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ ࣭

[outro-jo]

Stray Kids Masterlist

main | info (please read before requesting)

key- fluff: ☀️ angst: 🌧️

spicy: 🔥 au: 🪐 text: 💬

Group

reactions/scenarios/headcanons

skz x godly parents

when they can’t have you 🌧️

fav ways to show affection ☀️

with autistic partners ☀️

“how’s my short king” 💬

hiding after teasing 🔥 (18+)

when skz says “no” ☀️

time of the month ☀️💬

kissing skz goodbye ☀️

calling them a cute nickname ☀️💬

pushing you away 🌧️

telling them you’re autistic ☀️

writing a song with skz ☀️

member aesthetics

helping with body image issues ☀️

dating a nonbinary person ☀️🌧️

vs pain flares 🌧️

w/ a science-y partner ☀️

w/ a black cat partner | bunny partner ☀️

when your brother doesn’t like them 🌧️☀️

helping partner through chemo

Bang Chan

—————————

best friends to lovers ☀️

cravings (chanlix) ☀️

royal reunion ☀️

failed date night (chanlix) ☀️

Lee Know

——————

go or stay 🌧️☀️

Changbin

——————

n/a

Hyunjin

———————

you are so beautiful☀️

w/ his bf ☀️

masterpiece (18+) 🔥

Han

————

저기요 누나/형 ☀️

your sunshine ☀️ (jilix)

Felix

—————

cravings (chanlix) ☀️

your sunshine (jilix) ☀️

good cow-munication ☀️

failed date night (chanlix) ☀️

study buddies | pt 2 ☀️

the missile is eepy ☀️

Seungmin

——————

n/a

I.N

———

you’re on your own kid

part one,

please read info before requesting

[bandgie]

Bandgie's Masterlist!

All of these works are 18+, MDNI

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ warning! some of my works are dead dove/lemon

yellow is dubious/not too bad orange has mentions of gore/dubious consent red is noncon/full gore/graphic deaths

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ Drabbles/One Shots

So Cruel - Miguel O'Hara

Pussy Eating - Miguel O'Hara

Beast of a Man - Tarzan

Pussy Eating - Gyutaro (Demon Slayer)

Quick Taste - xReader's Insert

An Uncertified Doctor - Alucard Castlevania

Pretty Boy (1) | Poor Baby (2) | My Pretty Baby (3) - Bangchan Stray Kids

Ateez MTL Pussy Eating - OT8 Ateez

Ghost in the Night - I.N Stray Kids

Cursed - I.N Stray Kids

Anon Req. Yandere - Bangchan Stray Kids

Before Class (1) | During the Party (2) - Huening Kai TXT

A+ Student - Felix Straykids

Car Drabble - Felix Straykids

Missionary With Them - Bangchan & Minho

Agora Hills - Changbin (skz)

Language Barrier - OT8 SKZ

Req: Gamer Boyfriend - Beomgyu (TXT)

Req: Dark Vampire - Yeonjun (TXT)

Req: Hate sex - Yeonjun (TXT)

The Spell of the Night - Huening Kai (TXT)

Req: Perv & Yandere - Seungmin (SKZ)

Req: Perv & Yandere (2) - Seungmin (SKZ)

Req: Jealousy - Seungmin (SKZ)

Desperate Drabble - Wooyoung (ATZ)

Req: Tarzan Continued - Tarzan

Req: Perv & Yandere (3) - Seungmin (SKZ)

Req: High with Perv - Seungmin (SKZ)

Req: Pervy Thoughts - Seungmin (SKZ)

Req: Choking - Bangchan (SKZ)

Req: Piss - Hyunjin (SKZ)

Req: First Time Domming - OT8 SKZ

Req: High With Them - Chanlix & Jisung (SKZ)

Req: Distracting - Beomgyu (TXT)

Munch Drabble - Jay (ENHA)

Bratty Head Drabble - Sunoo (ENHA)

Learning Kinks Drabble - I.N (SKZ)

Req: Hate Sex 2 - Yeonjun (TXT)

Req: Choking (2) - Bangchan (SKZ)

Req Drabble: Perv - Seungmin (SKZ)

Club Sex Drabble - Lee Know (SKZ)

Anal Drabble - Changbin (SKZ)

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ Series

Predator & Prey (Completed) - You were suddenly teleported to a snowy world while discovering a cave. After norrowingly escaping a terrible fate, you're practically forced to deal with a winged beast you saved. It's awkward and kinda mean, but it does more good than harm.

Lost & Found (Ongoing) - You hated the little town you lived in, you hated your job, hated how everyone knew everyone, you hated how your mother didn't care about how much you hated it. You needed to do something, to get out of this repetitive life. You've decided to apply to be a maid in the castle for the Viscount and his family. With this new life, you hope to change your pace. Yet, one of the sons can't help but give you an eerie sense of familiarity. (Second Part to Predator & Prey)

The Insides (Completed) - You have it all: a good job, a nice apartment, a doting boyfriend who loves you so much. It seems all swell, until he starts behaving strangely. Unfortunate for him, he's not the only person that fell head-over-heels for you. Well...not the only entity at least.

All in White (Ongoing) - Your father, that major of Neuva York, was hosting a party congratulating their safe environment by the hands of Spider-Man. You did not care for parties, only there for the alcohol and occasional good conversations. You managed to catch the eye of Spider-Man, and boy did he want a taste.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ I do have requests/hard hours open! Here are some rules...

I will not write about underage characters, real or fake (unless they're adults playing as younger people ex: Eddie Munson, Billy Hargrove, etc.)

No shit! Like literal shit, no scat play (pee is fine, but no piss drinking)

Incest, including in laws (brothers bff/dad's co-worker is fine)

No age play (age gaps are fine)

No virgin reader (this might change, but not allowed as of now)

[chevelleneech]

“Shipping Chanlix is weird! Chan calls Felix his little brother!”

Chan also has an emotional and physical thirst for Felix that knows no bounds. He wants to both marry him and twist him up like a pretzel.

I’m sorry some of y’all really think two friends calling each other “bro” means that can’t play tonsil hockey, but that’s just not the world Christopher Bang lives in. He yearns for Felix. He’s a yearner, and he doesn’t exactly keep it a secret.

[faithst]

‧₊˚ ⋅ oh, he's charming ! ‧₊˚ ⋅

onlyfriends

⊹˚. ♡ l/n y/n has had relationships before but no actual crushes, the rizziest in the group, doesn’t usually have the best luck with love interests, gyuvin’s best friend for 10 years and counting, on the school scrabble team // y/n’s private account !

⊹˚. ♡ kim gyuvin his only personality is his dog, best friends with y/n for 10 years and counting, on the school scrabble team, really only texts y/n, wonyoung and his brother, is neighbours with wonyoung, in the same class as wonyoung, haruto, and junhyeon

⊹˚. ♡ jang wonyoung it girl, moved into the school last year, role model is barbie, sweetest person alive, is neighbours with gyuvin, really polite to everyone, in the same class as gyuvin, haruto, and junhyeon

⊹˚. ♡ kim minji moved into the school earlier this year and apparently has very similar interests with y/n, social butterfly, picks a fight with everyone in the group for no reason, on the school scrabble team, in the same class as ricky

⊹˚. ♡ shen ricky annoying mf, spends his time talking about his unrequited love, overshares and the group knows all his deepest secrets, uses way too much tiktok, in the same class as minji

⊹˚. ♡ maeda haruto smartest in the group, class president, a bit of a teacher’s pet, absolutely loves cats, literally running errands everywhere, he seriously needs a break, in the same class as gyuvin, wonyoung, and junhyeon

⊹˚. ♡ kum junhyeon y/n’s love therapist albeit never being in a romantic relationship before, gives really good advice, a bit delusional, has a habit of saying ‘smash’ to everything, in the same class as gyuvin, wonyoung, and haruto

⊹˚. ♡ ezaki hikaru obsessed with some guy, always flexes her relationship with him, loves taking selfies, another social butterfly, has a questionable fashion taste

‧₊˚ ⋅ taglist (open, shoot me an ask or comment to be added !) ╰ @big-uwu-stan @kpoprhia @bruhiamistake @ilovechanhee @trashydez @doobinnies @avocarua @solarwoniii @sulkygyu @jiaant11 @trsrina @chanlixed @missuszabini @sparklingsjy @tocupid @haechan-nahceah

previous | masterlist | next

[depressedhouseplant]

Masterlist

Just Fucking Write 2k24:

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

Teasers:

Juyeon Y/N

Toxic Chanlix

Bbangju Royalty

Jumil Fanfic

AU Concepts

Ateez:

Woosan DILF

Woosan Escort

Yungi Accidental Dick Pic

Yungi Hot Younger Brother

Woosansang Threesome

Stray Kids:

Chanlix DILF

Chanlix BDSM

Chanlix Delivery Guy

Minsung Barista

Chanlix Drug Dealer

The Boyz:

Bbangkyu & Milsun Group Sex

Hard Thots

Juric Valentine’s Day

Jumil Darkfic

Juric Second Chances

Seventeen:

JiGyu Mommy Kink

JiGyu FWB

BTS:

SOPE Omegaverse

Yoonjin Drunk Sex

Multifandom:

Apocalypse AU

Cops & Robbers

Posting Schedule

[galoresficrecs]

[SKZ] Felix

LAST UPDATED ON: Nov 7th, 2023

newly added ✦ || personal faves ✪ || ongoing ✑

ratings:

not rated || general || teen and up || mature || explicit🔞

❧ NOT HERE SHIPS ☙

felix x chan

felix x changbin

❧ NO ship ☙

✪ I Care Too Much About You by gidakata [16k words] chan & felix || AW: violence, MCD, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT ;; horror, colelge!au, sickfic, cannibalism, brotheres!chanlix || explicit🔞

❧ felix x hyunjin ☙

✪ Exhibitions of a Dedicated Gore Whore by fangsandfortune [8k words] porn!au, college!au, pwp || explicit🔞

Veni Vidi Vicious by fangsandfortune [1,4k words] vampires!au, blood drinking || explicit🔞

❧ felix x jisung ☙

✪ i don't want to know what you've done by kunclipse [1,5k words] DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT ;; established relationship, serial killers, marriage, implied/referenced past abuse || mature

❧ felix x reader ☙

couches, cuddles and cannibals by fizzydrink698 [2,2k words] felix x minho x reader || f!reader, college!au, established relationship || teen and up

✪ solace by fizzydrink698 [11,9k words] f!reader, 1990s!au, friends to lovers || mature

[part of Fuck Those Frat Boys] The Recruitment Officer by destiny-fics [4,9k words] f!reader, college!au, fraternity!au, strangers to lovers || explicit🔞

❧ otn/multi ☙

✪ Duck(ed) by catsonthewindowsill [11,1k words] felix x everyone || magical realism, domestic fluff, duckling!felix || teen and up

Ravenous by Str4y [10,7k words] felix x hyunjin x jisung x minho || horror, apocalypse!au, character death, ambiguous/open ending || explicit🔞

✪ Baby, can't you see...? by gidakata [15,2k words] felix x hyunjin x minho || AW: violence, MCD ;; temporary amnesia, major character injury, murder mystery, unhealthy established relationship, physical disability, time skips || mature

✦ hot kool aid by minisnotafairy [65,6k words | 11 ch] felix x jisung x minho || college!au, roommates!au, siblings!minlix OR ARE THEY? || explicit🔞

[leeyanyanyaaan]

dating door game skz fic

11/03/2023

based on this yt video:

concept:

reunion after graduating uni

reader notes that they went to hs w them too

driving car w hyunsung twins in back

jisung grabs readers phone and puts their playlist on bluetooth

hyunjin talking abt his holiday w his older sib, jisung getting jelly bc he had to intern elsewhere. got skzoo for reader tho

picking up jeongin from train station bc he came back from busan. hugs and happy reunion. jeongin is like their lil bro

everyone excited to see each other bc they haven't been together in ages. hyunreader going to nz, jisung intern in usa, chanlix in aus, jeongin busan, minho back to gimpo

reader gets soft at thought of minho, excited to see him most, their bf

they arrive at kbbq place they planned to eat at. chanlix is alrdy there. reader asks wheres minho. say he's still on his way. reader texts and updates minho. the group enters

they start cooking the meat. then they start teasing abt readers relationship w minho. reader groans and asks to change subject, but they take advantage of minho not being there.

comments how they were head over heels for each other and a wild couple, mentioning their embarrassing and sappy stories.

just when reader gets too embarrassed minho finally arrives. sits by reader and gets affectionate.

group starts chatting and reminiscing high school days.

when they finish, they all leave, but minho holds reader back, asking them to come with him somewhere. reader looks to jeongin and the twins, and they give her a thumbs up, alrdy knowing what was up

minho takes reader to a beautifully decorated place. reader is in awe. when reader turns around minho proposes. they happily accept.

end.

my results:

childhood friend - jisung best friend - jeongin/hyunjin brother - jisung/hyunjin live in - seoul classmates - chan/felix/jeongin drunk kiss - minho vacation - hyunjin shared music taste - jisung buys skzoo - jisung confession date - minho affectionate while sleepy - minho stares and gets shy when caught - minho late night vc - hyunjin comfort hugs - jeongin/hyunjin/jisung late night visit - jeongin/minho first time - minho proposed - minho study partners - felix/hyunjin/jisung neighbours - chan/felix squad - minsung concert of - ATEEZ date - minho surprise party planner - minho marrying - minho

lmao this has been sitting in my drafts for a while and i only remembered bc im here on tumblr at 1am 💀 deciding to post it anyways just to put something on my blog lol

[rosy-avenger]

Review: The Women’s War by Jenna Glass

-I have read and enjoyed books that are not perfectly socially just in their approach to marginalized groups. I am capable of evaluating a book on its execution, not just whether I agree with its political stance.

-However.

-A book that is explicitly billed as a "high fantasy feminist epic" wants to be a manifesto, and therefore I feel free to criticize its politics accordingly.

-And so.

-If your feminism does not include LBPQ women, it is bullshit.

-If your feminism does not include trans women, nor address the relationship between patriarchy and gender essentialism by including trans men and nonbinary people, it is bullshit.

-If your feminism does not include disabled women, it is bullshit.

-If your feminism does not include fat women, it is bullshit.

-If your feminism makes only the barest gestures toward acknowledging that men are also harmed by the patriarchy, it is bullshit.

Further complaints:

(Initial note: I refer in this post to “women” and “men” in the book’s fictional setting with the same level of cisnormativity that the book uses. This is because if I used the correct inclusive language, ie “uterus owners” instead of “women capable of becoming pregnant” when discussing in-universe characters and events, it would make it sound like the author used that inclusive language, which she emphatically did not. When I refer, in this post, to “women” as synonomous with “people who can get pregnant” or “people who are subject to misogyny”, it’s because that’s how the author writes. Rest assured that I know trans theory, even though the author doesn’t.)

So the premise of this book is that a generations-in-the-making conspiracy finally comes to fruition with a globally-effective spell that prevents women from conceiving or carrying a pregnancy against their will. The second half of the spell relates to the prevention and punishment of rape - more on that later in the post.

There is an ensemble cast of characters from two different countries and several different societal positions:

Alys, the daughter of the king of Aaltah, who was declared illegitimate when her father divorced her mother to marry someone else;

Jinnell, Alys’ young adult daughter;

Shelvon, the abused wife of the crown prince of Aaltah (the king’s younger son and Alys’ half brother);

Chanlix, a woman who was relegated to the "Abbey of the Unwanted", where noblewomen who are rejected by their families are sent in a combination of disownment and coerced sex work, and now finds herself the Abbess and responsible for guiding the rest of the "abigails" into the future shaped by the spell;

Ellin, a princess from the country of Rhozinolm, who becomes queen of Rhozinolm in her own right following the unexpected deaths of the king and all the close male heirs;

and various other more minor POVs.

Alys’ mother Brenna was the previous Abbess, one of the women who died to cast the spell and arguably the one most responsible for it, and both Alys and Jinnell face problems from association with “the most reviled woman in Aaltah’s history”.

-If you read that and thought "wow, that sounds like one of those books that wants to be a TV show", you would be right! It absolutely wants to be a TV show. Specifically it wants to be the next Handmaid's Tale. This "cinematic" style in books doesn't usually annoy me, but for whatever reason this one did.

-Aside from not including any fat women, the only fat men are antagonists who are either exaggeratedly evil or incompetently awful, and are described with words like "corpulent" and depicted lacking self-control in regards to food.

-I debated on whether to include this as a complaint, so consider this bullet point a provisional complaint: there is no racism, antisemitism, or Islamophobia in this setting, as there is no systemic racism, or any irl religions. The characters are all fairly racially ambiguous. (Hence why I didn't refer to exclusion of WOC as a your-feminism-is-bullshit point above.)

However, just because there's no racism or religious bigotry in the setting doesn't mean the author didn't bring her own biases to the story. I quote goodreads user pdbkwm, who wrote an extensive one-star review of this book:

He falls in love for an older Abby, a discarded woman who is forced into sex work, and tells her this:

"But for now, just take it off. It's only you and me, and I assure you I won't be scandalized at the sight of a woman's hair."

Abbys have to wear heavy wimples and a cloak around their bodies...sound familiar? It seems like whenever there’s a novel about feminism, there’s always a subset of women who are so oppressed that they have to wear some sort of head covering. As a hijabi, I’m just tired of these tropes. When it comes to Muslim stories, there’s always this white boy who encourages the Muslim girl to shed her hijab off and embrace his way of life. Tynthanal’s entire purpose is to be that white guy, even though I don’t think he’s actually white in the book. He’s described as nut-brown, but who knows what nut this is referring to.

I'm not hijabi, but on a technical level, the depiction of the issue of the abigails wearing robes felt very shallow and unexamined. I don't think Chanlix, the Abbess, was even ever described as wearing a head covering until the scene pdbkwm references, so it was a weird surprise to have this major dynamic-building moment between Chanlix and Tynthanal be based around a detail of Chanlix's character that had never been talked about before.

The only aspect of that plot point that I approved of is that after the scene where Chanlix is willing to take off the head covering when alone with Tynthanal, she does continue to wear it when in wider company. The other abigails are also described (in a one-off sentence) as variously choosing to continue wearing their robes or not, and to wear dresses or pants as they prefer. This is, however, the bare minimum of showing that women are individuals who want different things.

The psychology of modesty is a complicated issue, not only loaded with sociopolitical context but also just difficult to parse. Different individuals have different feelings about modesty, so I’m not going to say that Chanlix’s feelings about her clothing are unrealistic, but I was hoping for a higher level of nuance in the depiction of her attitude towards modesty garb, both her own and the other abigails’.

Further: I don’t understand how a ~feminist author~ doesn’t realize that a man telling a woman to take off a garment because her not wearing it won’t bother him is not appealing. His comfort is not the issue here!

-The magic system is interesting, influenced by alchemy and requiring that naturally occurring elements be combined in certain ways to create spells. However, this is tainted by gender essentialism, as there are "male", "female" and "neuter" elements and the expected way of the world is that only men can see male elements and only women can see female ones. There is a point where Alys realizes she can see some male elements, but it's not because she's trans.

-The parameters of the anti-pregnancy spell are that a woman will not become pregnant against her will, and that the spell can tell when a woman is being coerced and won’t let her become pregnant if she consents under coercion either. Since coercion can be either outright or subtle, I had a very hard time suspending my disbelief to accept that the spell can figure out something that a woman might not even know herself.

We see the spell in action in the case of Shelvon, who has been pressured for a long time to produce an heir for the crown prince (Delnamal, the main antagonist of the book). Shelvon was wed to Delnamal as part of an international trade agreement, which requires an active marriage between the two countries. Shelvon’s plotline includes facing the risk that if she can’t produce an heir, Delnamal will divorce her, and Jinnell will have to marry Shelvon’s father, a known abuser, in order to maintain the trade agreement. Even though Shelvon wants to save Jinnell from that fate, her not wanting to bear Delnamal’s child is enough for the spell to prevent her from becoming pregnant.

The author does not seem to be aware that choice is an action, not a feeling, and that rational human beings are capable of making choices contradictory to their unreasoning emotions. The ability to choose something that goes against our base instincts is one of the things that makes us human rather than animals; the spell takes that option away from some women like Shelvon.

The confusion gets worse with the second half of the spell, which as I said above concerns consequences for rape. We are told about the element “kai”, which relates to death. Prior to the events of the story it was only ever produced by men when they died slow, violent deaths, and could be used to create spells of mass destruction. However, the spell cast by Alys’ mother allows for a new kind of kai, women’s kai, which is produced when a woman is raped by a man. (Of course the book never references the possibility of men being rape victims or women being rapists.) I immediately thought this wouldn’t actually help any women, because it would turn women from baby factories into weapons factories; but the author hastened to plaster this plot hole by saying that a mote of kai can only be used by the woman it belongs to, and she can’t be forced or coerced in its use either. Ok, fine. But the next detail is that a woman only receives a mote of kai if she resisted/said no to her rapist. Somehow we are expected to believe that the very same spell that can tell whether a woman is being coerced into becoming pregnant, is incapable of telling when a woman was coerced into sex even if she didn’t actively resist.

From a technical perspective, the only reason the author constructed the spell this way is so that Shelvon, who submits to Delnamal despite her hatred of him, wouldn’t have a mote of kai that she could use on him. I call so much bullshit.

This second half of the spell also makes less sense in that, if the goal was to prevent rape, and the spellcasters were capable of creating spells that can read minds, I don’t understand why the spell only allows for punishing rape after the fact rather than stopping men from committing rape at all. They could have created a spell that made a guy’s boner go away at the sound of the word “no”, or made a man fall unconscious when thoughts of committing rape appeared in his head.

Both parts of the spell including the provision against coercion also doesn’t inspire confidence that women’s lot in society will improve. Just because a woman can’t be coerced by threats, torture, starvation, or any other means to concieve or to use her mote of kai, doesn’t mean men won’t still hurt women to confirm through experimentation that coercion doesn't work, or to take out their frustrations that they can’t make women behave anymore. And a male rapist who becomes impotent as a result of his victim using her mote of kai can still hurt women nonsexually, or even still commit more sexual assault by means other than with his penis.

I would have accepted if either Brenna or any of the other female POVs had acknowledged that the spell couldn’t possibly be written with enough detail to protect every woman from every kind of sexist violence, but no one ever did. It’s just not good writing.

-There is only a very basic level of differing characterization between Alys, Jinnell, Chanlix, Shelvon, and Ellin. Multiple POV characters should bring different things to the narrative; otherwise, you could have just restricted the POV to one person.

There are very rarely any times when women wanting different things (at any level) is important to the story. There are multiple points where it seemed as though groundwork was being laid for a conflict of interests between two women, and then it just never went anywhere.

-There is one antagonistic female character who only appears in a single scene; she is a chaperone who supervises Jinnell on Delnamal's orders to enforce his control over Jinnell. She is the only exception  — and a very minor one  — to a rule that otherwise spans the entire book: all the female characters are "good guys". There are no other female antagonists, nor are there any other situations where a female character does anything that inconveniences or harms any other female character. You can't be a feminist writer if you don't let female characters be wrong sometimes, with the agency for their bad decisions to actually cause problems.

At the very least you need to let female characters conflict with each other because of differing wants or needs, even if none of them are exactly "wrong". The premise of this book was perfectly set up to have some women supporting the patriarchy unquestioningly and/or some women who work with the patriarchy under duress; there could also have been women, or factions of women, who were all opposed to the patriarchy but had conflicting views about politics, ethics, and the best way to proceed into their new future. But instead, all the women seem to agree with each other about everything, even when it doesn’t make sense for them to do so.

-All the interpersonal dynamics between women have a tone of saccharine sweetness where no woman ever has any bad feelings about any other woman. Chanlix never feels so much as a brief resentment of the other abigails who she’s responsible for; Jinnell, despite being a teenager, never gets irritated with her mother; Alys does not get angry at Shelvon for being unable to produce an heir for Delnamal even as that puts Jinnell in danger; Shelvon, despite being habitually frightened and nervous of what Delnamal will do to her, doesn't resent other women for putting her in positions of increased risk, nor does her fear make other women resent her. The author evidently subscribes to the concept of the inherent sisterhood between all women, as unrealistic as it is. The experience of reading about the conflictless interpersonal relationships between women was exactly the same as eating pasta with no salt.

-You will also notice the high saturation of noblewomen in the main cast. Even Chanlix, while not currently allowed the status and privilege of a noblewoman, was born into a noble family, as are all the women relegated to the Abbey. There are no common-born women who get POV chapters. The only servant woman who gets any notable screen time is the personal maid of the queen; she is a Loyal Servant and that is her only character trait. She also only has a couple of scenes and is otherwise unimportant to the narrative. This is especially bizarre considering that one of Ellin's struggles as queen is not having very many people she can trust; we're told that she trusts the maid, but the maid has so little screen time that her position as a supposedly trusted confidante was meaningless to the narrative.

-Alys and Chanlix become friends, but their friendship is entirely uncompelling. Friendship between female characters is not interesting if the progression of the relationship is just “they exist in the same space and then they become friends”, and especially not when the narrative just says they're friends now without doing the work to actually portray the friendship.

-The world overall just doesn't seem to have poor people in it. One of the early plot events was an earthquake, which Alys predicted would cause a tidal wave; she immediately went out of her way to go to the harbor district that is mainly inhabited by the lower classes, and warn them of the upcoming tidal wave that would sweep away their neighborhood. This whole plot sequence was presumably meant to virtue-signal that Alys cares about poor people despite being a noblewoman, but the author avoided actually putting poor people on-page by only describing the sequence in retrospect.

Re economic status, while Chanlix is somewhat concerned with the problem of how to organize the abigails to make money to support themselves, the possible consequence of them all falling into poverty doesn't feel real. You know that post about how the MCU tells us that Peter Parker is poor and then depicts him tossing away his backpack when he needs to get into costume quickly, with no concern for getting it back, or consequences when he can't get it back? This felt like that. The narrative gestures vaguely in the direction of the abigails being working-class, but doesn't say anything realistic or believable about what their economic position actually feels like.

The plotline that Chanlix is part of is kicked off by the previous Abbess, Alys’ mother Brenna, casting the anti-pregnancy spell at the beginning. Even though Brenna didn’t survive the casting, the king and crown prince are determined to punish all the other abigails, and so send them all away into exile. Chanlix’s story is mainly about how the abigails establish a new town in exile, aided by the appearance of a new Well (where the magic in the world comes from) that allows them to create the same kind of spells they always have, and also experiment with magic to create new spells, and thereby establish themselves as useful to the surrounding settlements without having to continue their sex work.

There’s a description of the new town, Women’s Well, that says it’s a cooperative community where no one is desperately poor. This implies that the author is aware of the importance of community construction and maintenance that avoids letting anyone fall into poverty, but she continues to not depict poor people on page, or address feminist issues that affect poor women.

The whole Women’s Well plotline is badly executed in another way: Chanlix is the leader, and you would expect that her arc would be about her struggles with leadership, right? Even if the author is committed to no woman ever having negative feelings toward any other woman for any reason, and therefore doesn’t want to depict anyone opposing Chanlix’s leadership, Chanlix could still have a plot arc about gaining confidence in her leadership skills, right?

No such luck. There are ZERO scenes of Chanlix exercising her leadership after they arrive at the site where they will establish Women’s Well. The only scene in the entire book where she has to make a leadership decision is before they go into exile: one of the subordinate abigails has used her mote of kai to create a spell that will render a particular man permanently impotent. She asks Chanlix’s permission to cast it. Chanlix tells her no, but she does it anyway. Chanlix has a single moment of doubt as to what she should do  — punish the disobedience or let it go  — and decides to let it go. At the time, this read like foreshadowing for Chanlix being a weak leader who would struggle with keeping the people in her charge from constantly disobeying her. But like all the other things that seemed like groundwork for conflict, this never went anywhere.

-I never get the sense that any of the female characters like being women. Various women of the cast are said to have a range of interests, including Jinnell, the teenager, who likes ~frivolous~ female pursuits alongside many others who don't care; but nobody ever has so much as a single moment of (cis)gender euphoria where they are genuinely happy to be female. What the hell is female empowerment even for, if not that? (But of course if the author is a terf, she wouldn't want to approach such trans-influenced concepts as gender euphoria, even for cis people.)

I also would have expected a story about women's oppression to feature discussion of the injustice a female child feels as she reaches adolescence, and realizes what it means to be an adult woman in a sexist society. But by having the youngest POV character be 18, that whole phase of any woman's life is skipped over and ignored.

-The POV characters are a range of ages — Jinnell is 18, Shelvon and Ellin are early 20s, Chanlix and Alys are early 40s  — but there are no major characters who are old women or young girls. Both of those POVs would have been valuable in a story about women, and specifically a story that pivots around a major change in how the world sees women. It would have made sense to include old women who have lived their whole lives under horrific sexist conditions, and show them contributing meaningfully to the politics of the new world; and inclusion of young girls would have reinforced that the adult women are fighting for a better future, not just survival in the present.

I strongly suspect that the exclusion of younger and older female characters is because the author wants the book to be adapted into a TV show, and she was aware that Hollywood doesn't want child actresses or older actresses if they can be avoided. Making choices about how to write a novel based on a screen adaptation that may or may not happen is not a choice I can agree with.

-There were moments early on where the sex work industry was talked about as unequivocally coercive and I was like, I disagree with that stance for real life, but I'm willing to entertain it for this fictional universe where things really are worse for sex workers than irl. But then there was a conversation between Tynthanal and Chanlix where he says he has never employed an abigail because consent is important to him, and abigails can't truly consent because of the coercive nature of being paid for sex. Since that is a stance that applies to real life conditions as well, I feel free to criticize this political position along with all the others listed above.

-When it starts to sink in for the people of this world that women can no longer get pregnant against their will, one of the social changes is that women who are interested in sex can now have as much unprotected sex as they want; the narration says something like "with the same lack of consequences as men do".

At this point (listening to the audiobook while driving) I was smacking my steering wheel and shouting "STIs!" at the book. The author did not see fit to include any other risks associated with unprotected sex besides pregnancy, which is unrealistic to the point of infuriating. In regard to STIs, it should have said "with only the same risks as men have".

Even aside from STIs, there are other potential consequences for women who start to be more open about having sex in situations other than what has previously been socially acceptable. The author even acknowledges elsewhere in the book that women face societal consequences (slutshaming) for sex outside of marriage, but then doesn't carry that to a conclusion that the women characters still don't have total freedom to have sex just because they can't get pregnant.

-Later in the book, Jinnell is facing the prospect of having to marry the abuser to maintain the trade agreement, and tries to avoid that fate by finding a man to sleep with so that her potential husband will reject her as unchaste. She flirts heavily with a guardsman but can't get him to follow through on any action. Jinnell later is confronted by Delnamal, who says that the guardsman told his supervisor what Jinnell did, and Jinnell is threatened with severe punishment for her attempt to throw away her virginity. The narrative here clearly wants us to blame the guardsman, but here's the thing: he was genuinely uncomfortable with Jinnell's advances, and it doesn't read like he told on Jinnell to punish her, just to get reassigned away from anywhere he might have to encounter her again. That's right, folks: if you get harassed by someone in your workplace, you shouldn't tell your employer so the problem can be prevented from happening again, because the harasser might get in trouble for it!

Even with the focus on conception and pregnancy, there is no discussion of birth or obstetrics. Women in a setting with no modern medical science should have taken the pain and health risks of childbirth into account when thinking about pregnancy, but no births happen in the story and none of the POV characters (including the ones who are mothers) ever even think about childbirth.

-In an absolutely bizarre narrative choice, the book is very limited in its discussion of what sexism is. Issues that the book does not discuss even in passing include: childrearing or any other labor considered to be women’s work; breastfeeding or restrictions on its social acceptability; women being disenfranchised from education; women having difficulty being taken seriously by medical professionals, or a lack of concern in the medical field about women's health issues; the expectation that women should follow particular beauty standards even when it is expensive or uncomfortable to do so; the prevention of access or societal disapproval for women in sports, the arts, religion, or any other field; in short, all the issues of systemic sexism. Even though the author clearly mainly wanted to talk about reproductive injustice, I fully do not understand why anyone would write a book about women’s oppression and not talk about these issues.

-All the abigails are women. There is no mention of male sex workers, either for women clients or men clients. Gender essentialism and queer erasure again.

-The book start-to-finish has a huge problem with telling instead of showing. We're told that Jinnell likes "frivolous" typically-female things, but never see any evidence of that on-page. We're told that Alys and Chanlix are friends, but we don't see them having any interactions that support the idea that they are friends. We're told that Women's Well establishes itself as an autonomous town, but we don't see any of that process. I don't know if this is because of the writing style that is meant to be easily adapted into television, but even screen media needs to know how to show rather than tell.

It's not even that the author tried to keep the length of the book manageable by describing things briefly instead of depicting them in full, because this book is twenty audio hours or about 550 pages long.

The one and only thing I unequivocally liked:

-The characters' names all include the name of one of the magical elements, which was a cool worldbuilding detail.

---

Overall, I do not recommend this book.

If you want an epic fantasy with actually complex female characters, read "The Bone Shard Daughter" and "The Bone Shard Emperor" by Andrea Stewart instead. No queer main characters, but there is casual queerness in the world and it’s a no-sexism world as well. The female protagonist faces legitimately complicated leadership decisions including what to do about the female antagonist, who is also a complex character.

If you want a feminist fantasy and are okay with depictions of awful patriarchy and rape culture, read "Girls of Paper and Fire" by Natasha Ngan instead. There are queer main characters, as well as realistic conflicts between women who are all being oppressed by the patriarchy but react to it in different ways.

If you want a feminist fantasy with no rape, but still with a female protagonist who has to deal with sexism, and becomes a good leader through a series of leadership moments that actually happen on-screen, read “Lady Knight” by Tamora Pierce (but read the first three books in the series first).

[luckyhyuki]

Old Stitches

OLD STITCHES BY hotelcortez

SITE: AO3

PAIRING: KIM SEUNGMIN X LEE FELIX

RATING: TEEN AND UP

WORD COUNT: 58.4K

“Felix was an overworked medical student who hadn't seen his brother in years.

The last thing Felix expected was for his brother to show up one night, claiming that Felix was the only one he trusted to stitch up his very injured gang member.

If Felix had known that very same gang member would find his way into his heart, then maybe he would have run. But Felix fell before he could stop himself, realising too late that his involvement with the gang would throw him right into danger.

. . .

a skz gang au with brotherly chanlix angst, pretty boy with a pretty brain kim seungmin and felix falling head over heels before he can realise what's good for him”  

[hyunllx]

The Christmas Baker

A Hyunlix Hallmark Fic Chapter 2/5 wc: 3k

Hwang Hyunjin is a rich, cocky, famous dancer that prefers to keep to himself during the holidays. When his roommate drags him along to visit his hometown, however, Hyunjin meets a boy who helps him believe in the spirit of the season. Primarily Hyunjin’s pov with Felix’s pov added in occasionally. series warnings: Extremely cliche. You will probably cringe at some points but its okay. chapter warnings:  None note: This fic is not meant to accurately reflect or portray the members of SKZ. This is just for fun. Read the last chapter here

|--------------------Hyunjin--------------------|

The floorboards of Felix’s guest bedroom shuddered and creaked as Hyunjin paced back and forth in the small space. He always felt the need to move when he was nervous, and to say he was nervous this morning was an understatement. He lingered in his room, eyes focusing on the frost and snow-covered window on one wall and the closed door to the rest of the house on the opposite wall as he walked between them.

Come on Hyunjin, you can’t stay in here forever… he thought to himself, psyching himself up to reach for the door knob. His head raced through all the possible scenarios that would happen when he met Felix and Chan for breakfast, all of them including further embarrassing himself.

How was he supposed to look his best friend in the face when all he’d done during the night was lie awake thinking about his brother? How could he talk to Felix after being unable to sleep due to the boy’s voice saying his name ringing in his ears?

“Hyunjin?” Hyunjin froze as that same voice called his name from beyond the door. He shivered as he turned to knob, undecided on whether he was grateful for the push to leave his room or still not ready to face his host. As the door opened slowly, a bright, sunny, familiar smile greeted him,

“Oh! You’re awake.” Felix’s nose and ears were bright pink and a few snowflakes lingered on his oversized jacket, making him look exceptionally young when paired with his grin, “I finished shovelling out the driveway so we can head to the bakery whenever you’re ready. If you still want to of course-” He added the last bit quickly, nervousness clear in his voice.

“Okay. Uh- let’s go.” Hyunjin agreed without thinking about it, too blinded by Felix’s smile to argue with his own words. 

“Do you like hot chocolate?” Felix asked suddenly as they descended the stairs to leave. Hyunjin frowned in confusion, grabbing his jacket from the hanger by the front door,

“Yeah, why?”

“Wait here!” The boy motioned for him to stay by the door while he rushed to the kitchen, returning a minute later with two coffee to-go cups. The cup was pleasantly warm in Hyunjin’s cold fingers as he took one,

“Thanks.” He bowed slightly, thankful for the heat when Felix opened the door and frigid, biting air nipped his face. At least his hands would be warm while they walked. I should’ve grabbed one of Chan’s big hoodies. He thought to himself. 

Hyunjin paused, realizing finally that they were missing someone, “Where’s Chan?”

“Hm?” Felix looked at him in surprise, like he hadn’t expected Hyunjin to speak while they were walking, “Oh, he went to help shovel out the town hall so people can start setting up decorations. He didn’t tell you?”

Hyunjin shook his head. Chan was known for being selfless and hardworking like that, but he usually would’ve told him where he was going. Maybe it was last minute and didn’t have a chance.

Hyunjin and Felix walked side-by-side in silence, enjoying their hot chocolates to the melody of snow crunching under their shoes. Occasionally the wind would pick up slightly, bringing with it a soft creaking and rustling of the trees lining the streets. Felix only looked up when this happened, checking the buildings around them before looking back down at his cup. Hyunjin admittedly thought the behaviour was odd and watched him curiously each time, though he didn’t want to embarrass the boy by asking out loud. 

As they approached what looked to be the busy town center, they passed under a metal awning that stretched over the sidewalk in front of a storefront. The creaking noise became louder, more like a groaning. Definitely not the trees as Hyunjin had thought before. Felix lifted his head to look around again, concern in his eyes when he turned to look at Hyunjin.

“Get out of the way.”

“What?” Too late. Before he could finish Hyunjin was yanked by the hand, losing his balance and stumbling into Felix, then into the storefront wall. The groaning sound peaked, followed by the roar of snow and ice crashing down to the sidewalk from the awning above, inches from where he’d stood.

“Holy shit…” Hyunjin whispered, then laughed nervously at the realization he could’ve been badly hurt had the mountain of ice in front of them actually hit him, “Thank you.” 

They both paused, realizing their hands were still clasped together. Felix’s palm was warm against Hyunjin’s own, and incredibly small wrapped up in his fingers. Delicate and soft, it left Hyunjin’s heart beating quicker than before.

Why was his heart beating so fast? Why did it feel so nice to hold this boy’s hand?

“Felix! Are you guys alright?” Their hands wrenched apart as a boy jogged up behind them. He was nearly as tall as Hyunjin, and had the most puppy-like face he’d ever seen. His big, innocent eyes were bright with concern as he skidded to a stop on the slushy snow at their feet. A second boy followed behind, slower but with equal concern chiseled into the sharp features of his handsome face.

“Seungmin!” Felix smiled awkwardly, his cheeks and ears red, not just from the cold, “We’re alright, it didn’t hit us.”

This must be the ex-roommate, Hyunjin recalled from dinner the night before, and the on-again-off-again boyfriend. The second boy placed a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder and glared up and down at Hyunjin, clearly checking him over to make sure he wasn’t dangerous,

“Who’s this?”

“Oh,” Felix interjected, shaking his head, “This is hyung’s friend, Hyunjin. This is Seungmin and Minho.”

“Nice to meet you.” Seungmin gave a polite wave and bow, which Hyunjin returned, albeit awkwardly. Minho glared at him a moment longer before giving an unimpressed sniff and turning to Felix,

“Channie is home?”

“Yeah, he’s helping at the town hall right now.”

“Great, we’ll go that way.” Without saying goodbye he turned and headed back the direction they’d come. Seungmin looked back and forth between Felix and the boyfriend who was clearly not going to wait for him,

“Are you sure you don’t need help at the bakery?”

“I’ve got plenty of help.” Hyunjin caught Felix looking up at him as he reassured his friend. Seungmin caught the glance too and grinned at the both of them, giving Felix a nod before dashing off after Minho, now several yards down the sidewalk. Felix let out a long sigh as they were alone again,

“Sorry, that was awkward.”

“It wasn’t that awkward,” Hyunjin lied, following as Felix resumed walking, “Seungmin seems nice.”

“Yeah… he is. So is Minho when you get to know him.” Hyunjin gave a snort of disbelief,

“I’ll take your word for it.” 

They came to a stop at the end of the street, where it met a crossroads along the town’s main road. The bakery was nestled into the crook between the ending building and a larger store, the bakery itself not much larger than Felix’s tiny house. The weathered bricks of the exterior were a dull red-brown, contrasting the bright cream-coloured door. A “Merry Christmas” banner hung over the large front window, strung up between decorative sconces on either side.

The top of a standing chalkboard poked out of the snow piled underneath the window; Hyunjin used his foot to kick some of the ice clear while he watched Felix. 

The boy stood on his tip-toes, reaching as far as he could to pull the top off the sconce by the door. His hand was small enough to fit inside, and he fished around for a moment before producing a key from inside the lamp.

He paused when he noticed Hyunjin watching, pointing the key at him playfully,

"You didn't see that."

A smile spread involuntarily across Hyunjin's face. His mask was slipping, but he barely noticed with the way Felix's eyes glinted with mischief and excitement, his freckles standing out dark against the pink blush of cold on his cheeks. The cup in his hands had long cooled, and he found himself missing the warmth of holding the boy's hand. His heart fluttered, bringing him back to the moment,

"See what?" He asked innocently. Maybe he could let the mask slip this once.

Felix let out a sickly-sweet giggle as he unlocked the bakery, welcoming Hyunjin inside with a wave,

"Come on inside. It'll warm up quickly."

As he stepped inside the small building, Hyunjin felt less like he'd walked into a small town bakery and more like he'd walked onto a movie set. Everything was quiet, dark, waiting to be filled with the warm smells of baking and the taste of delicious treats. Perhaps it was the pastel yellows and bright pinks that decorated the space, but Hyunjin felt the lingering memories of love and happiness here. It felt like home.

Felix led him behind the main counter to the kitchen; ovens lined the far wall and a massive steel table stood at the center of the room,

“Can you help me by bringing out the flour? I’ll get the ovens preheating so it warms up a bit.” He pointed to a second room off to one side, a storage space filled with ingredients like a pantry. Hyunjin nodded, figuring that sounded easy enough.

He failed to anticipate the bags of flour being nearly as tall as Felix himself. And weighing much more. With a sigh of relief he found a bag that was half used, slightly easier to drag along the floor. With white knuckles as he clenched the bag in his hands, Hyunjin pulled the sack into the kitchen and let it rest under the main counter.

“How do you do that by yourself?” He puffed dramatically, earning himself another giggle as he retrieved a brick of butter from one of the large refrigerators,

“I don’t usually need this much. We’re gonna be using up a lot of my ingredients over the next couple of days.”

“Why are you making so many?”

“Well-” Felix spoke as he continued to collect what they needed, placing a large metal bowl in front of Hyunjin with a handful of utensils clattering around inside, “Our little town only has about 500 people here. Some people leave to visit family. So everyone that remains can have at least a couple cookies. Guests too of course.” He grinned up at Hyunjin with that brilliant sunshine smile. His eyes got lost in the wrinkles that formed around his cheeks. Hyunjin shook his head. Why did he keep losing himself like that?

“So… what now?”

“Now you measure out two cups of this.” Felix pushed a large bag of powdered sugar toward him. Hyunjin hesitated,

“You want me to? I’m not a very good cook.”

“Neither is Seungmin,” Felix laughed, “You don’t have to be a good cook to put ingredients into a bowl. It’ll go faster with two of us.”

Hyunjin grimaced at the thought of fucking up some of the cookies, but he figured he might as well try. Dumping the utensils out of his bowl, he followed Felix’s instructions to use a chopstick to level off the cup of sugar before emptying it into the bowl. The same for the butter, the flour, and the other simple ingredients, taking care to get the proportions right. Eventually the dough formed together, soft yet sticky enough to form into shapes.

“You did well!” Felix praised as Hyunjin lifted his mixture out of the bowl to show him, “It’s definitely the right texture. See? I knew you could do it.”

Hyunjin had to admit he was proud of himself for not messing anything up so far. He tossed a ball of dough between his gloved hands with a smile, letting himself enjoy the moment. He'd never gotten to make christmas cookies before. Was this excitement how children felt when they were baking with their families? It was nice, comforting even. Especially when he had someone to guide him.

"Are we cutting them now?"

"Not yet, the dough has to chill for a little bit first." Felix pulled a sheet of plastic wrap across the workstation, plopping his dough in the center, "We'll start mixing the second batch while these are in the fridge."

"Second batch?" He hadn't realized they were making more than what he held in his hands. Felix smiled, taking the giant dough ball from Hyunjin's fingers,

"Of course, this will only make like 50 cookies."

"FIFTY?"

"Why do you think I'm not doing them all the day of?" Felix laughed, putting the wrapped bundles of dough into the refrigerator, returning to their work station with more eggs and butter.

Hyunjin managed his way through the second batch, but by the time he was mixing the final round of flour into the third batch, his arm started to ache with the effort. He paused for a moment to shake out the tense muscles and joints, sighing.

Felix continued mixing his dough with no trouble, a smile on his lips and his deep voice humming a soft tune. Hyunjin recognized it as one of Chan's songs, one he'd choreographed no less. Muscle memory caused his legs to start moving to the unheard beat. Felix caught sight of it and giggled (God why was his giggle so cute?),

"Sorry, it was stuck in my head. You ready to take a break?"

Before Hyunjin could respond, his stomach rumbled loudly, reminding them he hadn't eaten since dinner. They both laughed,

"Yeah, I'm pretty hungry."

"Go take a break out on a couch. I'll put these in the fridge and make some brunch for us."

He didn't have to tell Hyunjin twice. He made his way out of the kitch and plopped down on a couch in front of the big window. It was snowing again, though the flakes were light and drifted in a gentle breeze. Not the driving heavy snow from the night before. The window was cold but the heat of the ovens carried through the building, making the room nice and warm.

Hyunjin pulled out his phone and idly flicked through his music. His fingers eventually found the track Felix had been humming and hit play. It was a slower melody, a song about lost love and heartbreak. What a big softie Chan was. 

Perhaps it was the snow falling outside the window, or homesickness, or the fact that there was a beautiful boy mere paces away from him cooking him food, but the lyrics pulled at his heartstrings differently today. Hyunjin never thought of himself as someone to fall in love. He liked the fast dating life. He liked flings and one-night stands. No attachments, just the high of a good time with someone new and exciting. 

But this feeling... it was new. It beat on his heart like a drum and caused his brain to turn to mush. All he wanted to do was hear Felix’s cute giggle, see his sunshiney bright grin. It was completely overwhelming. 

It frightened him.

“I heard you playing that song.” Felix said as he emerged from the kitchen, making Hyunjin jump. He hadn’t realized the song had stopped, or that his playlist had proceeded to play two more songs after.

“You made me want to listen to it.” He tried to gather himself again as he took the plate of food Felix offered him. Their fingers brushed. Hyunjin’s heart started drumming again. It worsened as Felix sat directly next to him on the couch instead of any of the chairs in the room. Shaking his head, Hyunjin turned to his plate, a small stack of pancakes and a tower of scrambled eggs, still hot off the stove.

“I really love the choreography you did for it.” Hyunjin paused, the eggs in his chopsticks falling back to his plate,

“You know my choreography?” Felix’s face turned bright red, and he too turned to his food to escape the sudden embarrassment,

“I know most of them. I like dancing in my free time. Yours are always the most enjoyable to watch.” A streak of pride cut through Hyunjin’s fluttering nerves at the praise.

“Thank you. Maybe you could show me some time?”

“I’d like that.” They shared a shy smile before digging into their food, both starving after working all morning on an empty stomach.

Felix finished first, setting his plate down before leaning back against the couch, running his fingers through his silver hair,

“It’s snowing again, I’m sorry you couldn’t see more of the town like you wanted.”

“It’s alright. I- I’ve enjoyed it here.” Hyunjin allowed the mask to slip, just a little. Felix beamed at him, resting a hand on Hyunjin’s arm. The affectionate touch was unexpected and his muscles tensed under the boy’s small fingers. Felix immediately withdrew his hand, his smile fading,

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Noo, no it’s fine…” His brain was fogging over again, “I just- I don’t understand how I feel about you yet.”

“What?”

Shit, shit, shit. He wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.

“Have I done something wrong?” Felix looked as though Hyunjin had kicked him in the face.

“No! It’s not you-” Hyunjin’s body was screaming at him to run away from the overwhelming cocktail of emotions flooding his brain, “I’m sorry, I need to take a walk. I’ll be back-”

He barely finished his sentence before standing and bolting out the door, abandoning his food. He didn’t look back at the hurt in Felix’s eyes. He couldn’t.