#not that you cant just have fun for fun's sake
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random thought but i just. arggrhgh i love the vibe toby fox creates in both undertale and deltarune where despite all the silliness and fun and joy, there's this constant feeling of sort of repressed sadness that permeates the whole thing as well. its something that i really really love
#undertale of course has the overarching sadness of the monsters all being trapped which is really good#but to me. the way this manifests in deltarune makes me fucking insaneeee im going to be sick like#again having all the silliness and jokes and fun with these characters. but also like they all have serious issues#and on a larger scale with hometown as a space. i could talk forever about hometown and how much it makes me crazy#like it feels so alive and real and. AGHGHGHH. small towns (blows up)#anyways but like hometown's history regarding dess' disappearance and asgore being fired and everything its like. aghhh#i dont know. something about having all that in the background while all the fun happens just makes it so much better#not that you cant just have fun for fun's sake#but it feels so much more real that there's problems going on at the same time as the fun#and of course the light world having lots of Issues in the characters' lives and the dark world being mostly silliness plays into#the whole theme of escapism and everything. but yeah idk THIS WAS VERY BADLY WORDED i cant explain it very well#but it makes me a little crazy#serena.txt
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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I think we SHOULD normalize calling out people in "cringe" fandoms who come onto other peoples posts/art about that same fandom and act all ashamed about liking that thing or interacting with it in any way because that shit is not ok and way too common
You move into OUR neighborhood, break into OUR house, and demean OUR SHARED INTEREST, FEELINGS and EFFORT because you can't keep your shame complex to yourself?? i am going to lock you in the basement and leave you to starve
#“cringe culture is dead!!”-same person who cant touch a fandom considered mildly controversial without disintegrating#for the love of everything that is unholy how many times do we have to repeat the exact same fucking thing:#liking media that isnt squeaky clean doesnt make you a bad person. you can enjoy something and know it has flaws#you ALSO dont have to bring those shit parts up every time you speak about it. especially around others who like it.#allow yourself and others to enjoy something sincerely and without ridicule for once and i promise you you will feel better#istg cringe culture isnt completely dead its just evolved into a dollar store purity culture#now instead of Commentary avatars crossing their arms at how cringe fandoms are it's the people who were made fun of cringing at a mirror#For the love of god gain a bit of self respect/restraint.#If not for yourself then for the sake of everyone else you've indirectly insulted#No one wants to look in tags of the thing they enjoy or even spend time making art of it only to be shamed about it. Directly or not#Homestuck fandom this is about you
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The amount of times i have to contact Tumblr support is crazy
#Just put my posts in the tags for gods sake#christ#could i be shadow banned??? for WHAT??#Idk its getting annoying#like obv im not doing this for views but it would be nice to be seen you know#i think i have fun ideas people might be into but they just cANT SEE IT#Ugh#sorry#i just want to talk about skelebros... i have 11 more posts in the drafts with em#not sure if ill post all of them#mere talks
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OK this is the last post I make on the topic because I don't like being too personal on Tumblr (not anymore at least) and tbh I might delete this after a while but it is so upsetting to see people shit on people who are addicted to gacha games. It doesn't matter what it is an addiction is an addiction. I've heard of people going into debt over these things like do you understand how sad and terrible that is. And like maybe idk we shouldn't laugh at them for spending 1k+ on some anime waifu maybe we should idk treat them like a human being and help them.
#turning off reblogs on this because i dont want this spreading#i say personal because ive been affected#not the extent that i've put myself in debt or anything wild don't worry#and to me its less how much i spent and more how fucking fast i was to spend it#but thats as much detail as i'll give#because a) i dont want to discuss it with you guys i love y'all but i have to set my boundries#and b) because as i said i would literally get made fun of for it#and people justify it like 'oh the characters are well written!' yeah because they want you to care about them so you spend money#its literally what the whole system is based on#in gensh!n at least i cant speak for other gacha games#the fundemental system is still fucked up#and look i wouldn't judge anyone for playing these games because that would be hypocritical#so like if you play them whatever#but just do really really think about what you're doing#for your own sake#i know its hard too i wont lie i miss gens!n because i used to play with my gf#she was so understanding though when i came away from it love that woman so much#not sure i would have stopped if it wasn't for her#im probably making it sound worse than it was but then again its probably like oh it wasn't that bad but if you think about it kinda was#just not as severe i suppose#and like final thing but the fact that i literally dont feel i can talk to anyone about this#im much better than i was because ultimately just coming away from the game and the fandom helped#but like because of the stigma around it on and offline i wouldn't feel safe talking about it unless its a professional therapist#and that's so fucked up#sounds like im looking for sympathy im sorry im really not (maybe a little subconsciously) but i want people to know that yeah its fucked#and you're not cool or better because you bully people for it especially if you play them yourself#sorry this post is all over the place ill def be deleting this in a few hours LMAO i just need to get it off my chest#and in fairness to y'all ye're good listeners#ask to tag
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actually the most important part of this no death run
also literally helpppp
#esp funny bc i picked the 'be my assistant' line when convincing rubin to stay lmao#also ive never seen yulia survive to the end so this is so fun!#anyway yesssss no death run completed!!! and everyone is alive. except. big vlad 💀 yeah i just cant make myself save him#luckily theres no achievement for saving everyone so i never have to#there was only one close call. with a knife bandit obviously 😭 luckily i had a full set of decent clothing and i reacted quickly enough#to reload before he killed me#if you ever play this game heed my words: fill the fund bar every day!!! it is worth it like i was swimming in food and money the whole time#also you fulfill more of your doctor duties by healing ppl. for roleplays sake 😌#anyway bye im biting the walls bc of how much i love this game and these characters
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my only flaw is that flirting is fun and that often creates problems for me
#brie speaks#the unwarranted confidence that comes with flirting like i have nothing to lose#like bff you cant just go around accusing people of having a crush on you especially when you’re super platonic besties#anyways flirting is fun bc it’s just another way i get to be annoying but i guess i have to not do that for the sake of friendship or wtv 🙄
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just saw some server screenies of one of the elitists mansplaining/completely talking out of their ass to me abt my own oc and like
lmao again for a person who keeps talking abt reading comprehension they sure dont get their shit right lmao.
#they read the doc abt my oc at that point and still somehow went back to their old expired takes abt my funny little drawings#THIS JUST IN everything i draw#ever#is canon and definitely not just shooting shit /s#this applies to all artists btw u cant just draw for the sake of drawing and having fun#it must always be reflective of canon ACCORDING TO SOME PPL LOL#even tho they themself drew crack scenarios lol#i wanted 2 find a screened yt comment abt there being a diff between struggling with disorders etc and being an asshole but saw this instea#like yeah afaik theres a lot of blaming xyz on adhd etc and#sorry adhd does not mean you get to be a dick to ppl or actively push to make them uncomf <:/#anyway insert the man talking to a wall here basically its how interacting with these ppl felt#/feels to some ppl still i guess#rip#ps. if ur not willing to show interest in ppls ocs dont expect they will extend interest to u either#like#why would i lol#u get what u give babeyyy#iykyk
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If you get the urge to say shit on this post, consider: dont. not looking to engage in a dialogue about this, i will block you
i know this isnt whats gonna happen but god id love to learn nothing about that new hp show. i dont want to hear shit. not even about how bad it is. tmi. dont curse me with that info. why do you know how bad it is. why are you telling me. go look up a weird bug on wikipedia. or dont. dont tell me about it. dont put it on my dash.
#toy txt post#i know thats not whats going to happen tho. i know my dash will be flooded with gifs and screencaps and ppl who#maybe they didnt hatewatch it piracy or otherwise. maybe ill be generous. maybe they read an episode synopsis on wikipedia#and theyre telling us about all the new bad dumb shit theyre doing#and then we're all gonna get mad and spread it and talk about it nonstop#to shame everyone into not watching it#but like in order for this info to get out. one of you watched it. whyd you do that. whyd you tell me about it#and i know for my contrarian friends my wording it like this is making you want to watch it out of spite. its making it sound like#tasty fun spicy forbidden knowledge#no its just gonna be the same dumb stupid boring shit. maybe with an added dash of heinous transphobia antisemitism and racism etc#for gods sake go read a goddamn harry potter fanfiction instead#just dont put it on my fucking dash#im so ready for us to be done with this terfy fuck. for her to be irrelevant. i think thats what would hurt her most. she found a way#to thrive on the controversy shes feeding off the negative attention#and im not saying like dont call her out like i get we have to do that like i Get It i Know#that we cant afford to just ignore her bc shes literally using her billions to influence laws in the uk to hurt ppl#like i know#but god just imagine how much it would suck for her to wake up and nobody fucking cares either way#not mad at her anymore just Done. shes irrelevant#drop her. go do literally anything else#imagine how nice it would be if she puts a show out and nobody talks about it good or baf#bad*. and then theyll be less likely to do more. bc they cant count on it being clickbait that ppl are getting heated about#cos i think this is just. shes in her cancelled comedian netflix special era. shes getting specials about being cancelled and shes Only#getting them bc shes 'cancelled' cos if ppl didnt feel strongly about her good OR BAD it wouldnt get clicks it wouldnt get attention#i wish we could afford to do this i wish ppl would just be fucking allies to trans and jewish ppl about this#im so tired#anyway. ill leave reblogs on this for now. if anyone fucks up they get turned off
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this is probably the meanest thing i have to say about the wc fandom but sometimes ill see a take and ill go “good on you for your analysis skills but i think you are giving the erins wayyy too much credit”
#‘’oh this book has an unreliable narrator!! this female character was ignored bc shes defying the narrative!!’’#i do not think the erins care as much as you think they do#when they cant even keep one important support character consistent between two books#also this is not something typically found in books like this#i hate to say this but this isnt a passion project. its a factory.#its as tropey and stereotypical as it can get. the books are incredibly shallow#and like obviously do what u want u can find deeper meanings have fun#but i get annoyed when people are like ‘’you cant say this is poorly written you just dont know unreliable narration!!’’#like im sorry but. read another book its not that deep. read henry james if you want genuine deeper meanings#echoed voice#for fucks sake they unintentionally wrote an abusive protagonist and to this day defend him and say they didnt mean it hes just snappy#these writers make these for money. they write what sells. thats why theres all these stock tropes and repeated plotlines#thats why the status quo never properly changes thats why we have cookie cutter protagonists#thats why we will never get proper lgbt representation in these books and the best youll get as a feminist diversive couple#is ‘’the man actually cares about his kids’’#i am admittedly jaded but like. idk man read more books.
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its 1am and after a long hard think I’ve decided that it’s actually kinda sad that i feel some of my older more conservative relatives can’t read goud or see it of anything becomes of it
#like thats mine? i should be really proud of it#but i cant help but feel that people like my grandma wouldn’t accept it or would in turn actually be less proud of me#bc merel and anne fleur are lesbian/bi respectively#like its not a queer story in the way heartstopper is in which its central to the story#but you know they still happen to be women who dated#actually its a miracle they got through parfumerie actually#and then treated me like i was dumb about the implications that they were all gay#for fucks sake not everything happens to be grim#i know 1930s Hungary wasn’t actually this welcoming but like we can have fun#anyways yea that’s sad#maybe i do want this story to be told idk how and maybe merel is a v personal character but its just sad i feel like this bc its important#it’s important to me and I deserve to feel as if my own grandma can see it
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not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine
#like yes i want rascal to use them so he can be happy and fulfilled but also i dont fucking trust you#she didnt even ask. i wasnt even AROUND and she just yoinked them#she also took the new litter box my roomie got for him bc the old one was so caked in shit that 20 mins in a powerful sink didnt even#change it. like bedrock-hard cat shit. who fucking knows how old that was bc they never clean or empty it. fucks sake#and obv he needs a litter box and my roomie threw the old one away bc again it was Unsalvageably And Hazardously Filthy#like we could get sick he could get sick. get a grip#but like i dont wanna be feeding her replacements for her stuff she doesn't take care of over and over#just burning money trying to make rascal's life a Little better bc again our control over his situation is limited bc hes literally her cat#it's so frustrating. like i waited a full month to get him new toys bc i didn't know how long this situation was gonna last and i dont have#cats and cant have them for a while (not that this is stopping me oops) so it's not like the toys'll be used w me#like if she decided to up and drop him at a shelter like she'd planned less than a couple months ago I'd be sittjng in a pile of cat stuff#but he needs more stuff yknow. theyre not providing for him and i have the means to atm. and just when i bite the bullet and surprise him#with a bunch of new things he was SO excited about she swoops in without warning and takes him#god. my roommate told me he just froze up when his owner came in..and he looked so pissed about it#having to go back and leave us and leave all his fun new stuff to go back to the room where they cant even bother to feed him regularly#much less play with him or take care of him#it's heartbreaking. it's such a delicate situation im trying to move carefully so we don't lose him completely but it's so frustrating going#slow. ughhghhgh AND THEYRE ALWAYS LIKE man he's so much nicer to y'all. MAYBE IT'S BC WE TREAT HIM WELL. CRAZY THOUGHT I KNOW#fucking. i love that little man this sucks for him so bad. trying to get him back for a couple days while im here but no response yet#and my roommate's staying on campus over break so she's gonna show up as soon as that week's over like I'm Here For Rascal. Your Time Is Up.#rauguhhhhh sorry if these rascal vent posts are a downer guys. it's just. god dude. fucking hell#i know this is a stupid situation i have gotten myself into i know it's stupid to try and finagle someone's pet from them BUT SHES ABUSIVE#AND SUPER LIKE. INDIFFERENT?? AND APATHETIC ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE PPL SHE DUMPS HIM ON CARE FOR HIM WELL OR NOT. AGH#sighhhh. whatever. gotta focus on tmr's exam and then i can complain about rascal some more.#i get she prolly thinks it's a team effort but the only reason we take her stuff is bc we didn't have a cat and werent planning on it#ggggghhzgzzjzjkkzkzkkzkk. grinding my teeth
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ok since tears of the kingdom is coming out like. insanely soon i figured i’ll just dump how i’ve been feeling abt it here. i wont tag for them and i dont intend to share any but because i have been actively seeking out spoilers i will vaguely reference them here so… idk really long musings on this game and my feelings abt it
(im just writing this out mostly for myself since i really kind of just. want to really figure out how i feel about this)
i… am not excited for totk?
i’ve figured out a bit ago that my severely waning interest in botw and general anxiety and discontent surrounding totk is just that… these games arent for me. i dont enjoy open world games with half a million things for you to do like it’s basically a sandbox. i struggle to really enjoy singleplayer minecraft. the space stage in spore gives me genuine anxiety, both when i played it as a kid and again when i reached it as an adult.
botw and totk are not games for me, and that’s cool. i’ve figured that out.
so why am i getting so damn anxious about this new game?
i am getting totk- not entirely of my own volition, i live with someone who is very genuinely excited for it, so it’s pre-ordered digitally on our switch. i am going to play it and complete it at least once.
the gameplay and world of botw never really got to me, and even what snippets of gameplay i see for totk dont really entice me. it just makes me anxious to think about the sheer amount of new stuff i’ll be dropped in the middle of and how i really dont care about this version of link or zelda or anyone else in botw’s hyrule
and some of the story spoiler stuff and general direction this game is going in has me just worried that the zelda series is moving away from what it used to be into an entirely new direction, that being a direction that it seems like i wont enjoy as much as everyone else seems to
so then i guess my main worry outside of totk is that i just end up struggling to really feel connected to the rest of the community about this? being a contrarian is fun until everyone is enjoying something you for some reason can’t get yourself to
i dont have a lot of hope in the story of totk to harken back to… ANYTHING of worth that past games have built up and made to be so important and interesting. hype is a dangerous thing for a not-yet-released game, and while i think the insane amount of speculation and theories and hype around totk will cause a lot of people to be disappointed with the final story, i dunno if i really wouldve liked it even if the story actually piqued my interest
maybe totk’s gameplay will really hook me. maybe i’ll enjoy the massive open world and gmod-ass gimmicks. but what ive seen of the story makes me less interested and the snippets of gameplay i see just make me remember how bored i now am with botw
at the end of the day this is just a video game with tags on this site i can blacklist and videos i can ignore and lore i can brush aside because at this point loz canon is a suggestion more than anything
i just cant shake the discomfort of once again being an outlier as everyone i see loses their mind about this new game while i just feel overwhelmed by it. i have played botw for a long time and have long since worn it out. i played age of calamity to completion and have not touched it or cared for it beyond the music since. i am not excited about totk and i feel like i am in the wrong due to my opinion
#salty talks#kinda personal? just angsting abt totk and being a lil negative abt it#at this point im not expecting it to blow me away. i no longer have fun playing botw. i do not care for the story or characters#this if anything is to soothe my nerves and is for the sake of my own wellbeing to articulate how i feel about this#it is cool to like. put your feelings into words. this is a lot more eloquent than ‘i miss linebeck’#it feels kinda selfish to bitch abt a game thats not out yet and complain abt it not seeming enjoyable to me#but it looks like a genuinely good game. but its not for me. and thats what im ruminating on here#like i love linear stories games that limit you and fun little gimmicks and characters with complex arcs and all that#i played a little bit of skyward sword earlier and was finishing up the cistern dungeon and was so delighted to see the main statue lowered#i love the dungeons with gimmicks that flip everything around and force you to really think abour your next move#im excited to reach the water temple in oot again to swim around and tinker with the water level#i cant wait to finish oot and move onto mm and its wonderful gameplay and areas#id love to revisit albw and get back to playing ph (and maybe finishing triforce heroes idk abt that one i just want the linebeck outfit)#i played botw for like ten minutes a few weeks ago and then put it away without a second thought#so. if anyone wanted to know how i feel abt totk. its a bit alienating#i might blacklist every variation of ze/ink tbh. sayonara you weeaboo shits and your bland fucking milquetoast ship thats kinda irritating#i may delete this bc it errs on the side of being too personal but i really just need to write this stuff downh#anyways. going back to writing my thing abt my oc n linebeck hanging out and being gay
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so theres a lot of posts going round about the titanic wreck and the missing submarines; all of them that ive seen have made very good points about how shoddy the submersible seemed to be and how the company decided to wait eight hours before reporting it, and how this is a play stupid games, win stupid prizes for the ultra-wealthy who paid like 250grand a ticket for this thing.
but what i havent seen any posts about is how the titanic wreck is a gravesite and this tourism is disturbing the graves of over 1500 people.
sometimes its kinda hard to remember that those on the titanic were real people; it was over a century ago, the story has been romanticised in so many ways (like the movie), theres conspiracies theories galore that cloud everything with misinformation, but at the end of the day, those who died were real people.
do you want their names? heres a list of them; its a long read. and for fun, heres another site where you can see photos of the children and babies who died aboard.
their bodies are long gone and their lives long forgotten. all we have to remember them and honour them is the wreck itself. its all we have of them and it is their gravesite. its their tombstone.
caitlin doughty/ask a morticians video on the great lakes discusses the topic well, and why we should leave these shipwrecks alone because again, they are the gravesites of all the souls who died aboard those ships. we rarely have bodies to recover so we really are left just with the wreck.
and what really upsets me about titanic tourism is how the majority of those who died that night were not the ultra-wealthy rich folks you might picture when you think of ocean liners.
61% of the first class passengers survived
42% of the second class passengers survived
24% of the third class passengers survived
24% of the crew survived **
the majority of those who died that night were regular folk; not to be cliche, but they were just like us. titanics wreck is not only a gravesite for over 1500 people, its also a majority working class gravesite.
and look at us now. look at what were doing. the ultra-wealthy can pay the equivalent of peanuts to them to disturb a mass gravesite of the exact kind of people they exploit today to hold onto all their wealth.
its easy to point and laugh at these dumb idiots in their playstation controller submarine, seemingly held together with super glue and duct tape, but its also important to remember that what they were doing was simply disturbing a gravesite for fun. though the company does research, these guys werent down there to conduct research, they were there so they could brag about it to their friends. its like “climbing mount everest” while your sherpa does all the work.
if you cant tell, i have a lot of feelings about this. shipwrecks and ocean liners are one of my special interests and im currently building a (beginner’s) model of the titanic, for fucks sake. but i would never go down to see that wreck because its a fucking gravesite and we should not be disturbing their final resting place.
#kai rambles#long post#i guess?#titanic#titanic wreck#oceangate#titan#titan sub#submarine#tw death#classism#capitalism#capitalist bullshit#exploitation#mass graves#tw mass graves#shipwrecks#oceangate expeditions#stockton rush#hamish harding#tourism#i have so many thoughts on shipwrecks because there are many you can actually explore#but as far as im concerned i really dont think you should if people died when that ship sank#you wanna go explore ss america? go for it#but titanic or the fitz? no#its a gravesite and we should be respecting those who died rather than rooting around their fucking graves#im upset and angry and just you know feeling A Lot#but also if you ever need titanic facts or stuff in this realm my askbox is always open and also go check out oceanliner designs on yt#shipposting
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(Rant in tags. I'll delete later)
#🥛ramble#im genuinly so fucking pissed at leaks now#and how they go untagged on twitter#fucking forgive me for wanting to experience the game when it comes out#and not get spoiled weeks#sometimes months in advance#it isnt even that hard like if you're so detemined to post untagged leaks#twitter has a really fun function called censoring#so if it comes up i still cant see it#i have every single fucking variation of “genshin leaks” muted and blocked every account that posts them untaggrd#but it doesnt fucking matter#because people post them anyway#is it so fucking hard to properly tag things????#and for people who go “just dont go on twitter” or “just scroll lmao”#do you realise how unfair that it?#why should i have to stay off of social media#where i speak to my friends and post shit and look at cool art#for the sake of people who cant just type “leaks/ genshin leaks/ etc”#in their fucking tweet#or even censor it like thats the bare fucking minimum#it isnt fair and im tired of some people going “lmao they complain so much” like?????#im not sorry that i dont want to get spoiled because fun fact!#if the developers havent released it offically#they dont want it to be seen#im just tired thats all#anyway ill delete this later
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No one accepted you and loved you unconditionally and instead of doing it for yourself you take it out on anyone who has figured out how to do it for themselves.
#mood#ig im just builp dipperent#like. no one accepted me for shit either. everyone around me had somethin judgemental to say about me.#but i knew it was important to be myself and i knew how much fun i had being myself and that was the most important thing to me.#i always had more fun being myself even when i was alone than submitting and trying to be someone else to make others happy#idk. ig this is the two sides of where ones life ends up of they actually try to do something about loving themselves instead of tkaing it#out on everyone around you. its not like i dont understand its just not an excuse and it still wasnt okay and you've hurt MANY people.#all bc your heart is so bitter and you cant even being yourself to even imagine loving yourself genuinely. you rely so heavily on everyone#outsid eof you to validate that you're good and lovable but even the people around you have shit to talk to#thats an unstable way to feel like who you are is inherently lovable. you and i both know that and you and i both know why#ig lets keep praying they dont find out.#idk why i do this or try to help you sort through your trauma. i guess i feel so guilty that you have no one to work on this with bc you#probably cant afford a therapist or dont care enough abt yourself to get one.#its not my job to help you introspect but ig for the sake of you learning how important it is to be honest with others but more importantly#yourself i feel some type of obligation.#but i cant keep doing this. i cant keep trying to understand you and your thought process.i cant keep sitting here letting you bully me in#public but we both know you're looking at this sorta shit in private.#i dont deserve to be abused like this and its not my job to make you feel better or figure yourself out or help you work on your trauma#or help you recognize where the bs behavior you have comes from and help you try to work on it to become better#bc truth is. idk if you actually care about being better or you just like to know that i still care about you on some level in spite of#everything youve done. ig im hopeful you can be brought out of your shitty resentful bitter vengeful state against humanity that leads you#to hurt people with no mercy all for your own gain. ig im hopeful you can change but quite honestly its not my job to help you with it#esp with the way you treat me publicly anyways.#part of me really hopes you're not just one of those edgy disecfected people from 4chan or whatever who just doesnt care about hurting ppl#and justifies it bc you think someones cringe. im sure thats what you try to tell everyone im like but im finding more and mkre that#iterally everything you accuse me of is projection. even aside from the sa. just so ppl dont look into your history and focus on attacking#me instead.#hell. i wouldnt be surprised to find out you're a kiwifarmer weaponziing ppl on heres intention to help and be moral and weaponizing#the fact that ppl used to think callouts were the way to do that. literally wouldnt surprise me an inch.
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