#not that it was funny in the first place but it is certifiably Not Funny Anymore

[havent-thought-of-a-name-lmao]

can't wait for M to be like "hey :) how are you doing" and for me to once again hold my head in my hand and go "M." on the verge of tears from sheer exhaustion lmfao

[continuous-spec]

There is no better drug than beating someone in a Mario Party minigame by a millisecond.

[ellecdc]

My love!! I have an idea for fic (only if you want to of course) james potter x reader where james is obsessed with reader’s tits and after a minor couple arguments james was still sulking and reader wants him to be the first one to talk to her so she wear very revealing clothes to tease him and he give in.

It doesn’t have to be a smut, just teasing and fluff!

hahaha awe this is so funny - the best part is, it would so work!!! Thanks for requesting 🫶

James Potter x fem!reader

CW: mention of boobs/tits/love of tits - no smut, joke about dying from suffocation on account of boobies

You were being petty; both of you were. In fact, the two of you seemed to be working overtime just to stay mad at each other at this point.

You can’t even really remember what you had argued about in the first place that caused this rift between you and James; all you knew was that you were not going to be the first to apologize.

It had been a few days since the big blow up that saw James uncharacteristically stern and firm in his words and left you feeling horribly defensive in response. Words were said, feelings were hurt, and now you were here.

Here being this awkward quasi-polite energy in your few measly interactions as you tried to co-exist in the same flat.

He made dinner one night - shrimp korma and a side of homemade naan - and you may have been mad, but you weren’t a jerk, so you thanked him for it.

You had been cleaning the flat one day and started a load of wash. You had more than enough room for more clothes, and not doing James’ wash just for the sake of it wasn’t worth the extra hit to your water bill (which wasn’t an issue, but old habits die hard in your case), so you threw his in too. And once it was washed and dried, well, you figured you might as well fold it and put it away for him. 

He had to begrudgingly thank you for that as well.

So now it was the weekend, and the two of you were clearly dying to update each other on your weeks. You couldn’t help but admit that you really missed James. You missed chatting with him, you missed laughing with him, you missed venting to him, and you missing cuddling with him.

There were other things you missed but... that was neither here nor there. 

All this to say, the feud needed to end.

But you were steadfast in your stance that you were not going to break first.

The idea came to you yesterday morning when James returned from his run sans shirt and muscles glistening with sweat in a way that actually had your mouth watering like some kind of deranged off-brand Pavlov experiment. The worst part was that James had noticed you ogling him and walked away to shower (alone, the bastard) with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

No matter, this just served to give you your brilliant master plan to win him back.

You had something James adored... two things, as a matter of fact.

Anyone who knows James Potter knows that James is a certified Boob Guy™. More specifically, James Potter loved your tits. You had two assets free to use in this battle, and you weren’t going to let that advantage go to waste. 

The weather, it seemed, supported your master plan and was finally warm and sunny enough to break out some of your more... revealing clothing. Today’s ensemble consisted of a particularly low neckline and tight-fitting tank top. You gathered a book and a bottle of water as you walked towards the back door for the terrace. James, being completely unable to break his good mannerdness even in the face of petty feuds, jumped up to get the door for you when he noticed that your hands were full. 

You made a point to use your elbows to encourage the girls a little closer together as he approached, causing him to stumble in his steps as his eyes strayed from his destination.

“Thanks, Jamie.” You murmured quietly, making sure a cool sense of indifference still coloured your tone. That seemed to shake James from his reverie as he looked up at you, a look of regret seeming to cross his face briefly at not being able to do what he would normally opt to in this situation (i.e., shove his face between them and die due to suffocation). 

“’Course.” He offered instead of saying “oh my god I love your boobies” and cleared his throat, closing the door gently behind you as you made your way to a lounge chair. 

You knew James wouldn’t have gotten far, so you read a few pages before deciding to step up this little ruse.

You slipped your tank top off to display your torso, boobs only supported by a thin bandeau wrapping around your chest. You poured a little water into your hair and then onto your chest to cool off when you heard a solid thunk on the panned glass of your back door. 

When you turned to look, you saw James’ retreating form and the tell-tale imprint of his forehead against the window where he had been standing previously. 

Though you knew you made an impact today, James seemed resolute in his sulking. No matter, tomorrow was a brand-new day.

Being a brand-new day, your morning outfit was a pair of joggers that you rolled the waist band a few times to expose more abdomen paired with a cropped top that was probably a touch too cropped to begin with, let alone paired with your currently braless state.

You could have sworn you heard James try (and fail) to suppress a groan as you entered the kitchen. You hid a smirk as you offered him a faint ‘morning’ and began readying yourself a cup of tea.

Apparently, James’ self-restraint snapped when you stood on your tip-toes to reach the honey on the second shelf of your cupboard; the action of you raising your arm causing your shirt to also lift sinfully.

“Angel.” He keened, causing you to turn your (what you hoped to look like an) innocent expression on him.

“Yes, Jamie?”

He groaned again and stood from the breakfast table, taking slow, cautious steps towards you. “I’m so sorry, love I... I hate that I let us go this long upset with each other.”

Your mouth pinched to the side as you spread your arms – inviting James into your embrace which he was all too eager to accept. “I’m sorry too, bubs. I’ve been immature.”

He half-chuckled half-groaned into your shoulder as the two of you relished in the feel of being in the other’s arms. 

“You are a cheeky little minx, torturing me like this.” He muttered.

“Like what?”

James scoffed and pulled back to look at you incredulously, but any mirth in his face was completely curtailed by the fondness oozing from his warm brown eyes.

“Oh, I’ve missed you.” He said as he bent his knees to be at eye level with your tits before he shoved his face right between them.

You rolled your eyes though he couldn’t see it, asking “who? Me or my tits?”

He was quiet for a moment as he thought about his answer. “Both?” He said, voice muffled from his place in your chest.

“I’ll allow it on account of your withdrawal.” You conceded. 

Note to self: all future arguments can be solved by flashing a little under-boob. 

[milkpup]

✧ ns/fw alphabet: choso ✧

@ puffer1111 on twitter

ʚ ao3 ɞ / ʚ kofi ɞ / ʚ fic masterlist ɞ

›› choso x 18+f!reader

‹𝟹 tags: switch!choso, switch!reader, choso is a perv tbh

‹𝟹 notes: thought i'd make a lil smthn smthn while it's still valentine's day <3

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

›› still sticky from the mess both of you made, choso prefers to cuddle you for a long time, skin to skin. he likes to feel your warmth when he spoons you (although he does like to be little spoon sometimes too!)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

›› he likes his hands the most. he definitely knows how to maneuver his fingers with precise motions. he knows what he's doing

›› he thinks it'd be cruel to pick just one part of your body that is his favorite, when everything about you is his favorite. so he would say all. but if you kept bugging him about it, he'd confess it's ur thighs. he definitely likes laying his head in ur lap and taking naps, or just squishing them <33

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

›› he thinks cum swapping is hot tbh. sometimes he tells you to not swallow all of it so he can kiss you after. (bonus: just likes fluids like cum + spit teehee). also loves cumming inside you

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

›› he has stolen your used panties before and used them. multiple times. in multiple ways. you thought the washing machine just magically ate them, but no, choso is a little pervert

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

›› although he's always been a lil freaky, he doesn't actually have much experience outside of your relationship. you kind of woke something in him tho. at first you had to teach him, but they always say the student surpasses the teacher :3

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

›› mating press.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

›› he can be both. sometimes you can see the super concentrated look on his face, but usually he's really laid back and in tune with yours and his emotions / feelings. if something funny happens (like a queef) he will laugh. but so do you

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

›› he does what you like tbh. (this is not a cop out answer he just thinks since ur the one down there that u should tell him what to do)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

›› he's so fkn cute fr. he loves holding your hand in whatever position you're in, intertwining his fingers with yours. he definitely whimpers and says "i love you" like a million times in a session

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

›› aside from the used panties stuff, he tries to limit the solo stuff. he'd rather save his loads for you than waste it in his hands. but on the off chance he does feel the urge, he's either using something of yours or watching the many videos you two made together

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

›› mommy kink frfr. he loves calling you mommy. and although he is a switch and does like to dom, nothing beats being taken care of by his mommy <3

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

›› literally anywhere. he will do it anywhere he doesn't even care. choso thinks semi public stuff is fun, like the forest or beach.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

›› anything to do with you. looking at you, hearing your voice, smelling you, thinking about you, literally anything.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

›› he couldn't do any pain towards you or even that much from you. choso would be fine w/ a light slap or spank, but nothing too rough ><

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

›› absolutely loves eating you out. he is a certified munch every day of the week. he could do only that and still feel satisfied. (he definitely jerks himself during that or dry humps the bed)

›› he loves you throat fucking him, but not as much as your cunt. he'd rather use that

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

›› both :3 starts out pretty slow and rhythmic but as he feels himself approach his orgasm he starts erratically and frantically fucking into you

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

›› it's alright, but he prefers longer sessions and would rather wait until you have a few hours alone

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

›› he will try anything you suggest to him. anything you are curious about he's instantly the #1 fan of

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

›› multiple rounds, an hour at least. he likes to switch up positions and take breaks with foreplay and toys to extend the fun time tbh

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

›› loves being leashed and collared by you. but also the same to him. he uses whatever you want, vibrators, dildos, plugs, etc on you. he sees it as a great way to have more fun

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

›› he prefers being teased more. he likes you bullying him

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

›› this man WHIMPERS a lot. such a slutty yet angelic sound tho tbh. he's loud, vocal, and likes to talk

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

›› too scared to ask you to wear thigh highs and let him thigh fuck you but he drools thinking abt it

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

›› 5 in soft, 7.5 in hard. cut, slightly curved, pale base like #FFF1E4, gradient towards the tip which is much redder like #FFD3CA, fluid #FEFEFE, slightly salty

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

›› as much as he can do it. he's a horndog fr. multiple times a day at least. but he always respects when you tell him no ^_^

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

›› near instantly. the post-sex cuddling almost always ends with him snoring within minutes :3

‹𝟹 notifs: @vvxxccaa @arylaa @navi-n0 @starshipxoxo @comicalgrievance

ʚ join my notifs ɞ

(･ω･)つ divider creds to @/cafekitsune and @/eloquentreverie

[llamagoddessofficial]

oh, this might he an idea only i've had!

the boys with a bartender s/o

i'm talking long-ass shifts, staying up til no-fucking-thank-you o'clock, that stuff

Sans: He gets constant laughs out of her. He's always the life of the bar, but anyone who knows him can tell he's trying extra hard around her and using only his best terrible jokes. The bunny monster who used to crush on him has stopped vying for his affections, because she can tell he's completely got his heart set on Mc. Though Mc still does have to harass him to pay his tab, his jokes have her ducking behind the bar to snort, or spilling drinks because she's not concentrating. He feels like he's won when she puts her head in her hands and tries to disguise her smile with a groan.

He goes there entirely for her. He used to go for the terrible food, but now he shows up for almost every shift just to see her. Grillby swats him over the skull and tells him to stop 'swooning over the staff'. He loves her smile and her eyes, he loves the way she talks to him, how she's not afraid to cut him off or dob him in to Papyrus over the phone. He has a shitty sleep schedule anyway, he doesn't mind aggravating her until the early hours of the morning.

Red: She's got a bit of a schoolgirl crush on him. He's funny, he's hot, he handles his alcohol like a champ, his flirtation is genuinely flattering. Despite looking like the sort who would grope her, even when he's absolutely shitfaced he's never leery or gross, he never makes her feel uncomfortable. Shitfaced Red makes her feel extremely pretty and interesting. One time when he was drunk, she spotted him nearly ogling her butt, but then quickly turning his eyelights up to the ceiling at the last second.

He also actively defends her at the bar; he throws hands with the idiots who get aggressive, to the point where people don't bother her anymore if Red is at the bar. The relief on her face when he takes a seat is clear as day.

... Look, he's not the kinda guy who fools himself into thinking the sweet smiling bartender genuinely likes him. But he can tell she does prefer him to the other guys. Any time things are slow, she'll come and talk to him, picking him over all her other regulars and even the other staff. It's his favourite place for a reason.

Skull: Not gonna lie, at first, she had really bad vibes from him. He'd stare at her for hours, get one drink, then stare for another few hours. She's had more than her fair share of weird guys who think they're her boyfriend because she used her customer service smile on them.

... One night, she was closing up the bar. Someone followed her out the door and cornered her, grabbing at her and not taking no. Skull showed up and knocked their fucking teeth out. Then, like the big quiet gentleman he is, he walked her to her car; once he made sure she was safe and okay, he left without a word.

Now he's her certified favourite. He's welcome anytime, and he gets drinks on the house. On top of that, now she knows he's not a bad guy, she's started looking past his scary exterior- and she's beginning to realise that underneath all the silence and scars and spooky glares, he's actually a big cute softie.

[melanieph321]

Kenan Yilidiz x Reader - Thick Part 1/8

You're gonna love this story!!!! I have my anons to thank, who's requests have enabled me to cook up this amazing fic for you all!

Summary - Kenan and Reader share the same high school friend group. As graduation is near, Reader sets out to pass her drivers license test, but ultimately struggles to. Thankfully Readers friends agree to help her with driving lessons and take turns doing so. It is during one of Rader's lessons that it becomes clear that Kenan likes her. A shock to Reader, who has a crush on someone else in their friend group.

Enjoy!

Six months until your high school graduation and you still hadn't managed to pass your driver's license test.

You were still motivated after the first failed attempts, but having failed four times after that had you questioning your level of intelligence as a human being. Were you really that thick?

"Thick?" Your friend Gio grinned. "Sure Y/N, you're the thickest girl I know. I'm mean look at the size of you're...."

A collective sigh spread around the lunch table, your friends throwing annoyed glances at Giovanni.

"What?" He shrugged.

"She doesn't mean thick as in big." Your friend Maria explained. "Y/N is asking if she's too dumb to pass the Italian driver's licenses test."

"Well, why didn't she just say that?"

"Sorry Gio. In the UK thick can also mean dumb." You said.

"And over there they say pineapple instead of ananas like the rest of Europe."

"Well that's dumb." 

"You mean thick?"

"No, I mean dumb." Gio corrects Kenan who was smiling at you, the only person around the table to have understood his joke. "Dumb means dumb."

"Apparently not in the UK." Kenan said, continuing to tease Giovanni. You were the only one who found it funny, the two of them coming for each other's throats.

"Enough of this." Said Rebecca. "We need to help Y/N, pass her driver's license test before the summer, Otherwise we'll only have three drivers for the roadtrip to Bari."

"Three drivers?" Gio frowned.

"Yes, Me, Maria and Kenan."

"Well, what about Luca and I?"

"Well, for starters, I would never trust you behind the wheel of a car Gio, certainly not my parents Range Rover. I don't know how you got your driver's license in the first place, but having it certified in Pompeii just tells me what I need to know."

"What do you mean? My uncle lives over there. He had me driving the tourists around in his minivan."

"Exactly my point." Rebecca said. "Your uncle is a criminal and everyone knows it."

"Whatever." Gio waved. "None of you knows how to run a respectable business, that's all."

"You mean robbing tourists of their hard earned money?"

"Exactly."

"Guy's, please." Maria pleaded. Lunch hour was usually like this for you and your friends. You were a very diverse group, resulting in Maria often having to take on the role as umpire whenever the heated arguments would spiral. "I have to say I agree with Gio on this one."

"You do?" Gio and Rebecca uttered simultaneously.

"Yes. Not that Gio shouldn't drive, I will never be a passenger in his car. But why not Luca?"

All heads turned to the mysterious being that was Luca. He wasn't taking part in any of the conversations. Instead his head was turned away from the lunch table, his gaze overlooking the city of Turin, perhaps dreaming of escaping it some day. Except for being quiet and reserved Luca was also the kindest amongst you, and undoubtedly the handsomest out of all the guys. A personal opinion, that you preferred to keep to yourself.

"Yeah, Luca is not driving me." Rebecca said. "It's a long way to Bari, he'll get too distracted by the mountains along the road. What if we crash?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry to agree." 

"Kenan?" Maria frowned.

"Well, then guess the driving will come down to you three." Gio said, looking at Rebecca, Maria and Kenan.

"Not if we help Y/N, pass her driver's licenses test." Rebecca opposed.

"And how the hell will we do that?"

"I say we take turns."

"Take turns to do what?"

"To give Y/N driving lessons. She's obviously not getting the right amount that she needs, it would cost her a fortune."

"Hey." You blushed.

"Sorry Y/N, but it's true. I say that once or twice a week until school ends, we take turns teaching Y/N how to drive, so when her time comes to take the tests she'll pass it flawlessly."

"I agree." Maria nodded.

"Fine." Gio sighed.

"Sounds like a good idea." Kenan second.

"Luca?"

Everyone shifted towards him as he had failed to answer, not that his answer was anticipated. However, to everyone's surprise, Luca's attention was drawn back to the table, his green eyes looking right at you. "Sure." He smiled. "I'll help Y/N pass her driver's license test."

"Great, that settles it." Rebecca said. "Who wants to go first?"

Your heart beat violently in your chest, hoping, no, begging, that it would be Luca. But as everyone shared hesitant glances, one person raised his hand. "I'll go first."

"Kenan." Maria grinned. "That's very kind of you."

He winked an eye at you as you sobbed internally.

[eoieopda]

[svt as fuckboi archetypes]

disclaimer: don’t take it seriously. i was having a convo. with my sister about my truly tragic dating history, and now we’re all going to hold hands n process it together.

seungcheol: big “air mattress on the floor” energy. his gaming set-up is expensive and immaculate, but he’ll be goddamned if he spends a dime on — idk — a bed frame, for example. don’t sit on his chair, though, because it’s specifically angled for his lumbar-support needs.

jeonghan: the “i quit” dude at the show who still consistently asks to bum both a cigarette and a light. you’re not getting that lighter back, and he will not, in fact, “get you back” for the uber back to yours or the take-out he weasels out of you on the way. he’ll charm you out of caring about it, too :’(

joshua: it’s giving “anyway, here’s wonderwall”. why did he even bring his guitar to this party? you don’t know, and you’re not gonna ask because the answer will make you want to fuck him less, and you really, really want to fuck him.

junhui: the one that passes out immediately after sex, leaving you trapped in that “….should i…. leave? is staying…. fine?” liminal space. he wakes up in the middle of the night, wakes you up, and informs you that you chose wrong and “should probably head out” because he has to work in the morning.

wonwoo: the one that turns every conversation into a debate. you may have a literal degree in xyz, but he is serving fresh takes™️, so listen up, diva! the dick game is god-tier, though, so you’re just going to mentally replace the sound of his voice with a different muppet’s in every conversation and wait for him to shut up <3

soonyoung: the house guest!!! he’s going to miss every single hint you drop about wanting to sleep alone. he’s going to leave a sweatshirt in your drawer so he can be comfortable next time. he doesn’t do “one-night-stands”; he does residencies. hope you didn’t have other plans this weekend :/ (eta: i wrote a fic based on this head canon — sweatshirt season, posted 10/29/23 — which you can read here!)

woozi: he asks if he can say “i love you” during sex because it gets him hot, and then he later informs you that you can no longer hook up because things are “moving too fast”.

dokyeom: you’ve been hooking up for a few weeks, and now he’s babbling about wanting to go to xyz place with you at some point in the distant future. he says it like he’s deadass about it, then looks at you funny if you ask him to get drinks tomorrow night. good luck, charlie!

mingyu: the stage-five clinger. he’s never had a fuck buddy before, and it shows. he has no idea what this dynamic is supposed to be despite a) suggesting it in the first place, b) numerous conversations about it, and c) repeated affirmations that he isn’t looking for a relationship. but he’s PRETTY, okay??

minghao: halley’s comet has nothing on this mf. he dm’s you once a year, you have the best night of your life, then he is gone girl for the next 364. you and your friends have a bet going in the group chat to see how many consecutive months he’ll leave you on read.

seungkwan: the one that has never — not even once — asked you a personal question. that’s not to say he doesn’t talk; he never stops. you’ve learned everything about him (his home phone number from childhood, the names of all his coworkers + his thoughts about them), against your will. frankly, you’re not sure if he even remembers your name atp because he relies exclusively on a generic pet name.

vernon: he talks a big game about meeting up, missing you, etc., but when the plans are laid, he “fell asleep, i’m so sorry, i’m just now seeing this!! :(” you washed your hair for this? rip.

dino: the foster puppy!!! he’s an emotionally unavailable, certifiable mess when you get him. you clean him up, train him, and the second he gets his shit together, he’s off. he’s found his forever home, and he’s coincidentally getting married on your birthday. sorry, bestie!!

[aloesarchives]

Jujutsu Kaisen Lore Headcanons for "Toji Lives/Megumi Cock Blocks Toji" AU

Warning: Female/Afab! Reader, Author(me) being a really fucking annoying narrator, Swearing, Inaccuracy to the anime and manga, Things that don't make sense but are trying to, Switching between reader and you, Mentions of OCs but reader is not one, Reader is highkey a marysue/OP

!!Disclaimer!!: These are my PERSONAL headcanons, thoughts, and opinions on how Toji would be like if he was alive and would act after the Hidden Inventory arc. Or how the events of Jujutsu Kaisen would be different b/c of reader and Toji being alive. These headcanons also explain Reader’s role and place in this AU how her presence changes many things.

Series: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Toji x Mama!/Fem!Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 5.5k words

Summary: Headcanons for the “Toji lives”/”Megumi cock blocks Toji” AU, and Mom!Reader being a part of and affects each timeline.

(A/N: I will have a separate post that will further explain the Shibuya arc and post Shibuya onwards with the “Toji lives” AU very soon! I know I said I'll have some posts ready after my lastest one but I was having fun and enjoying myself with the holidays that I kinda forgot about them. I promise I'll upload those posts within January! I apologize for my inconsistency!) [!!Unedited and not proof-read as of December 31 2023 12:05am!!]

General Reader Headcanons:

Reader is roughly around 33-34 during the Plasma Star Vessel arc(Year: 2006). Reader is also around her mid 40s (45-46) in present day Jujutsu Kaisen. Toji is roughly around the same age.

Reader’s technique is exclusive towards her, but the only time someone shared a technique like hers was during the Heian Era/Time Period where one of her ancestors is said to have the exact technique like hers but with personal different methods.

Reader hates the Jujutsu elders and higher ups for the schemes they have brewed. One which ultimately caused the Japanese faction of her clan to dwindle in size when she was around 8 years old. Reader is a certified hater of the elders and higher ups of Jujutsu Society, it runs in the family.

Reader's sorcerer grade is officially recognized to be around Semi-grade 1 to Grade 1 sorcerer. But in actuality, Reader is classified as a Special Grade sorcerer b/c of the rarity, nature, power, and versatility of the technique itself.

Reader is a mentor/motherly figure to Satoru. You are the closest thing Satoru has to a parent/guardian so Satoru favors you over many adults/older people.

Reader is considered a part-time sorcerer as she holds down a full time job in the real world after graduating. This is mostly due to her not wanting to be at the beck and call of the higher ups and Jujutsu Elders doing their bidding, but occasionally does help and do favors for certain people like Yaga. She only became a part-time Jujutsu High teacher shortly before the Hidden Inventory Arc.

Reader met Toji around her early 20s when he freshly exiled himself from the Zen’in clan. She ran into him during a favor she was doing for Yaga. She was on a retrieval mission to get a curse tool for Jujutsu High’s inventory. On her way to the location, she was ambushed by a curse. Before she could exorcize it, the curse sputtered and coughed up its blood as a blade pierced its chest and it dropped dead. With no curse energy, Reader was prepared to fight only to see a strongly built man with a small scar on his lips. She meets Toji, and funny enough he had the curse weapon she was looking for. She was trying to negotiate with him to get the weapon. She didn’t have to for long as Toji just straight up gave it to her and said, “You’re a feisty one, aren’t you? I’ll give it to you because you’re cute. Until I see you again, Ms. Sorcerer~.”

Then Reader randomly runs into Toji both on assignments and in real life. It was at random but in a consistent way. Eventually, Toji starts living with Reader because he is lowkey homeless. Reader first fell for Toji but Toji fell HARD for Reader. Always accompanying her when she has to run errands. Always watching out for her and in the shadows. Hell, he started asking Shui for information on certain people to make sure you’re not getting yourself into trouble. He also starts asking Shui for better paying jobs that he could do in a day then take a few days to complete.

Toji falls hard because of Reader’s understanding and compassion towards him and his past, which she was more than understanding of his feelings towards the Zen’in clan for their god awful mistreatment and ostracized Toji from Jujutsu Society. Yet he couldn’t understand why you had tears in your eyes when you pulled him in for a hug, saying that you’ll be his family now and he can rely on you. Thus, that’s when Toji said, “I need to fucking marry this woman or I swear to God I will assassinate every sorcerer in the world.”

After a few years, Reader and Toji get married and Toji takes Reader’s two last names: (L/N) Fushiguro. Fushiguro wasn’t originally a part of Reader’s last name, but decided to take it up as an alias when Reader briefly left Jujutsu society to live among non-sorcerers. The last name came from a distant relative a few generations back that was married into the family.

After around 29, Toji and Reader had Tsumiki. Then a year later, they had Megumi at 30. 

Though your place is small, it was homey and cozy for your little family. Life was good until the year where Tsumiki turns 4 and Megumi turns 3. Toji started having missions where he was coming home less and less frequently. It was starting to bother you because he was starting to miss out on Tsumiki and Megumi growing up. More so, it was devastating to you when Megumi told you he could barely remember anything of Toji, he even faintly describes Toji’s looks but it is starting to get foggy. 

It was becoming hard to support your daughter and son on your own, so when Toji came home one night you told him your thoughts. Then an argument happened, not a loud one to wake up the kids, but you were putting Toji in his place. Toji was trying to justify that it was his work and they have been demanding him recently, that it was the good of your family as they were paying him more money to do them. This was when you started questioning Toji’s occupation and what he does. Toji gets irritated about you questioning his line of work and tries to repeat again that it was for the sake of your family and nothing more. 

However, Reader is unaware that Toji made a deal with the Zen’in clan to sell off Megumi when he’s around 5-6. He couldn’t tell you this because he knew how you would react so he was going to keep it a secret for the time being. However, he would never tell after the argument the two of you had.

The next thing you know, Toji drops an envelope on the kitchen table and grabs his packed duffle bag as he heads towards the door. You tried to stop him but he says that he needs to leave for a while but he promises he will be back. Kisses reader on the lips and forehead before leaving their apartment. 

Reader is hurt and confused until she opens the envelope to see a check that’s already signed. It has $5000 dollars in it. It would last you at most 5 weeks for you and your children. Yet, that was the only check received from Toji as he went completely off the grid. No amount of resources would amount in a helpful way to finding what happened to your husband. 

That was when reader was assigned an important mission for the first time in years. Where you and another teacher, Maho(JJK OC) would act as guardians/chaperones to Gojo and Geto. Your jobs were to oversee and supervise the two students and report anything about the mission.

“Toji lives”/ “Megumi cockblocks Toji” AU:

So basically in this AU, not only does Toji live. But mostly everyone else does live, or somewhere along the lines of dead and alive. Well, minus Junpei and Mai. But that’s just me being blissfully ignorant of the canon timeline and canceling most of the events out and just changing them. 

So everything in the Plasma Star Vessel arc happens but the only thing that changes is Riko and Kuroi being alive. The way that it happens is you were sent ahead to do some investigating of the Jujutsu High area to see if it’s safe. Then out of nowhere, you were asked to speak to Tengen themself. Unbeknownst to you, you were unaware that Toji, your estranged husband, had attacked Gojo which forced Geto, Riko, Kuroi, and Maho(JJK OC) to run and leave Gojo to fight him.

You were basically told by Tengen to respect the last wishes of Riko Amanai before they merged. But they popped that statement out, you responded with, “what if her last wish is to continue on living and not merge?” At first, Tengen opposed you for your question. Saying it would throw off the balance of their stabilization and balance of Jujutsu Society. However, you countered by saying it’s respecting Riko’s wish and the girl's wish to keep on living. Meaning that technically you’re honoring her wish and you believed that she deserved to live her life.

Plus you argued that there are few Plasma Star Vessels out there, like Yuki Tsukumo, who didn’t merge with Tengen are completely fine. And Tengen didn’t suffer from not merging with her or the other vessels. So after some thought, Tengen briefly allowed Riko to live and not merge with her. However, in exchange, you would have to find a substitute host in place of Riko. While it wouldn’t be the same, Tengen said it would be easier to merge with another host that had curse energy or was a Jujutsu Sorcerer. 

Meanwhile, Geto, Kuroi, and Maho escort Riko in front of Tengen’s chamber. For a bit, Geto offers Riko a choice to leave with Maho and him. To not merge and live her life out. Riko expresses this but before she could allow Geto to take her hand, Maho gets shot in the throat. The bullet was meant for Riko but Maho’s change in positioning took the hit for her instead unintentionally. Toji reveals himself from the shadows and says he’ll take Riko dead or alive. Geto tells Riko and Kuroi to run while Geto fights Toji with Maho supporting him the best that she can after learning Toji killed Satoru.

Suguru and Maho get defeated while Kuroi is knocked out by Toji and takes Riko to the Time Vessel association. You come out of the chamber to only find Geto and Maho bleeding out, you take them to the infirmary and have Shoko heal them. Suguru tells you that a man with no curse energy ambushed them, killed Satoru, and took Riko.  ‘Wait, a curseless man? But. . . that can’t be’ You snapped out of it and left Suguru to find Gojo’s body to take back. You found where you assumed you would find his body but all you would find was a large blood smear on the pavement. So you went to find Riko in the association. What you didn’t know is that Gojo beat you to it. You snuck in and when they were about to kill Riko, you snatched her away and brought her back to Jujutsu High. However, you asked Riko about Gojo’s whereabouts. She said she last saw him fight a tall man with a small scar on his right lip. Your blood runs cold as you continue to drag her towards the school. She didn’t understand why you stopped talking, but the look of fear on your face told her something.

As Gojo and Toji duke it out for the second time, it was Suguru that caused Satoru to misfire his Hollow Purple at Toji and narrowly missed him. Toji knew that he lost the fight because he would’ve died if he got hit. Let alone, get defeated one-way or another. Since Suguru told Gojo that Riko’s retrieval was a success, Toji knew he wouldn’t get paid for the job and just gave up. He, surprisingly, surrendered himself to the two and was taken to an underground bunker where Toji was heavily sealed and chained up. Doesn’t even bother fighting back at all. Though the mission was a technical success, Tengen didn’t merge with the chosen vessel and there was a sorcerer killer on the premises of the school.

Since you were in charge of the mission and the only one uninjured, you were held accountable and take full responsibility for what has happened. The Higher-ups and Elders were not happy, to say the least, with the results. But specifically that you allowed the rest to get hurt and let Tengen’s vessel free, ceasing the merging. However, they weren’t on Reader’s ass for the first two. They were mostly on her ass because they discovered the identity of the sorcerer killer is Toji. And somehow figured out Reader’s marriage with him. Because of this, they were going to execute Toji and put Reader on trial.

This was also the moment reader’s suspicions were right with Toji doing all of this. She was going through the ringer of emotions when revealed the information in the same room with the very people she despised. So she kept to herself and remained calm. She proposed a deal to them that she knew they would consider. In exchange for Toji’s life and freedom, the reader gave these conditions:

Toji’s weapons would be heavily sealed and hidden away where no one can obtain them. Their whereabouts will be unknown and Reader and a select few would know about the location. 

Toji cannot enter Jujutsu Society/High without Reader. For at least a year, Toji can’t be near any sorcerer or enter any Jujutsu building. Reader is essentially Toji’s handler and responsibility. Toji has to be with Reader at all times when on Jujutsu Premises.

If Toji acts out of line, he will be immediately executed. Reader will also be executed or exiled from Jujutsu Society. However, if Reader dies, Toji will be executed. If Toji somehow dies, Reader would be somewhat safe. But if Reader dies, Toji will die with her. Reader’s life is in the hands of Toji’s behavior and actions. While Reader’s entire life and existence is the reason why Toji lives and her dying means he dies too.

These conditions were simple enough but the higher ups were still doubtful. But Reader also adds that after a year, Toji could go on missions if it involved a reward. Mentioning that Toji would be a vital asset to them and keeping him on house arrest wouldn’t be ideal. Reader tells the higher ups that Toji was exiled from the Zen’in clan years ago and would only listen to her. She implies that Toji could wreak havoc on Jujutsu society if it wasn’t for her.

With reluctance, the higher ups agreed to Reader’s terms but warned she would be on a watchlist. Reader just waves it off. Yet after she leaves the room and goes outside, the weight of her emotions get the best of her and she cracks under it all. This was a lot of process and bear but she was the only one to do this. 

Strangely enough, a distant relative of reader’s contacted her about moving into an old home of theirs. No prices or charges, they just needed to give the house to her since they were moving back into the clan’s main residence. Reader was like okay, thanks for the free house. Since there wasn’t much at the old apartment, they didn’t need to pack much.

Once Satoru and Suguru were healed up, Reader tasked the two of them to bring Megumi and Tsumiki to the dorms temporarily until the house was ready and Reader dealt with Toji. Satoru may or may not have slipped about Megumi’s true heritage, causing Suguru to bonk him on the head. Megumi doesn’t want to go with the two men but after telling him and his sister that Raeder sent for them, he and his sister followed them.

Reader basically was taken to where her husband was held. She only had less than an hour to talk to him so she had to speedrun their talk and leave some things out. It was strange to her to see her husband, the notorious sorcerer killer, chained up and not fighting his restraints. It looked like he hadn’t eaten in days and the color in his eyes was dulled out. But when you entered the chamber and made your presence known, he perked up because he recognized your footsteps.

As much you wanted to comfort and coddle him, you were furious and beyond disappointed with him. Toji admits his faults and was okay with dying. During which he reluctantly revealed to Reader that he sold Megumi to the Zen’in clan for his technique. With this newfound information, Reader is heartbroken and slaps Toji square in the face. Though she didn’t want to, he did deserve it. So Reader explains the conditions she made to grant Toji his freedom and life back, if he so chooses. Or he can get executed, the choice is his.

Toji doesn’t deserve a second chance but Reader offered one to him. While putting herself and life at risk for a bum who ended up abandoning his family. Reader said he can clean himself up, to step up as a husband and father. The only term she was willing to give Toji if he chooses to come back. In a way, Reader was giving signals to Toji that she still needs him and doesn’t want him to die. Toji thinks about it. He would be restricted to being at home and the outside world, while being on a leash by Reader when entering Jujutsu Society which he doesn’t mind the thought of.

Toji makes his decision by agreeing to the conditions while also promising to pull himself up. Although it made you smile, it disappeared when you remember how your children would react to seeing their absent father again and trying to adjust to his constant presence. Toji said he’ll try his best, but he wouldn’t guarantee Megumi and Tsumiki’s approval. But it didn’t matter to him because his family needs him and he would damn to waste his second chance knowing many don’t get any.

So it was settled. Toji is freed because of Reader with the somewhat of an approval from the Higher-ups, the house was ready to move with the kiddos, and everything was starting to set in motion. It was a hard adjustment for the kids in this new chapter of their life. Moving into a new, nicer, and bigger home than the previous smaller apartment was a big change. Another big change was seeing their father for the first time in almost months. Tsumiki was a little happy to see Toji back at home with them but Megumi was different. In fact, he was indifferent about Toji’s return and tried to completely ignore him. You and Toji completely understand Megumi’s feelings about his dad suddenly popping up again out of nowhere after months of not coming home. You reassured your son that Toji’s staying for good and that it’s okay for him to not accept his dad's presence right away or force himself to.

It wasn’t what it used to be but Reader didn’t mind it. Since Toji was on house arrest in the meantime, he was on house-husband duty. Since you were now working as a full-time Jujutsu teacher(2nd-3rd year teacher) and Sorcerer, you were away from home a lot during the morning and afternoons. Toji struggled in the beginning but he really managed and became good at it. He was an excellent cook, cleaner, errand runner, and even handyman. You still handled the money but Toji never asked you for more than what was needed. He started picking up Megumi and Tsumiki from school, making the other parents drool over him. He honestly likes the domestic aspect of this part of his life, something he never imagined when he was younger.

You knew it was bad but you asked Satoru a big favor. Since Megumi’s sale to the Zen’in clan was still up, you asked Satoru to postpone it or intervene in a way. Reader would have the power but her clan faction isn’t what it used to be and the Zen’in clan hates her guts for marrying Toji. Satoru agrees to help but it would mean that he would have partial guardianship over Megumi. That was fine with you but explaining this to your young son would be hard, considering he will be training and spending some of his time with one of his mother’s student.

Satoru and Suguru become older brother figures to the kids and Shoko being a big sister. They would come to your house to visit just to see the kids. It was challenging at the start since Toji was there and a constant reminder of their weakness. But you talked with them about it, saying that they don’t have to care for your husband and hate him all they want. But never hate the children. This was helpful to Suguru since Riko and Kuroi were living on Jujutsu Tech grounds as a safety precaution since there were still hits on Riko. You also noticed Suguru's depression while soul-searching. You always told him that you considered him family and let him know to come to you for help when he needs it.

Reader is the sole reason Suguru hasn’t fallen to the dark-side and became a curse user. However, he and Satoru almost became one a year later. 

A year after the Hidden Inventory incident, Nanami and Haibara were sent on a mission to exorcize a grade 2 curse. You accompanied them because you knew the area better and felt the need to watch the students. However, the information was completely wrong as the curse they were facing was a grade 1 curse that manipulated the earth and surroundings. While Nanami and Haibara had minimal to mild injuries, you were badly injured and bleeding everywhere. While you were able to exorcize the curse, you were hanging on by a thread because your main priority was the safety of the two students. Though you were healed, you did have a faint scar and you were out from doing missions for about a couple of months. Highkey traumatized the two students because their teacher was about to be murdered and they couldn’t do anything about it.

What they didn’t know was that the mission was a ploy to have Reader be assassinated while carelessly adding kids to the mix. All done by the Higher-ups and encouragement of the Zen’in clan. The only reason this information was spilled out was Toji was visiting you in the infirmary and his super hearing heard a low grade Zen’in sorcerer spill it out. He, along with Satoru and Suguru, forced the sorcerer to spill anything they knew. The sorcerer revealed that Reader had been on a watchlist and knew she was dangerous to them so they tried making her death a tragic accident. Surprisingly, Toji and Satoru had this moment of truce between each other. It was interesting to Suguru because both of the two men hate each other’s guts but decided to work together if it involved you. They would’ve stormed in and decimated the Higher-ups and Zen’in clan, which Suguru didn’t mind. 

It was Shoko that retrieved them, saying that you were awake and wanted to talk to them. The three begrudgingly made their way to your room. Reader essentially argues that going on a killing spree would make them curse users, they are just tools for the higher-ups and would turn on them at any given chance. She reminds them that if Toji kills in Jujutsu Society, she would die or be completely exiled and Toji would be immediately executed. Leaving her children all alone with both parents gone and possibly dead. Reader admits she wants to change Jujutsu society and take down the current higher-ups and dismantle the old system. But she doesn’t want to drag Tsumiki and Megumi into the mix, especially since Megumi possesses a technique that has been sought after for centuries.

This weighed on the four of them as Reader continued to talk. It doesn’t help that if they do succeed in killing the higher-ups, not many people would follow behind them, like the big three families. She advises that they need to wait, which she is aware that time won’t change anything. But something needs to happen in order for the change to happen and work in their favor. Suguru understands but doesn’t really agree because keeping them around for longer will just continue what’s happening. Reader points out that if they kill the current higher-ups now, possibly the worst people would take their place. A greater evil replacing a mild evil, pick your poison.

The men don’t go through with the killing but are on legit bad terms with the higher-ups. Toji couldn’t give two fucks about them and the Zen’in clan, but he loves you so he’ll abide to your rules. Similar to Toji, Satoru is the same. He does have the power to do all of this, he knows it would put many people at risk. Suguru was the only one who was conflicted about it, they could do it now so why wait for later? But Suguru is only doing this for his friend and you, not for Jujutsu Society.

Reader is aware of Suguru’s breaking point with what’s been going on. She tries to help but knows Suguru has to make that choice to reach out for help as well. He has been sent on mission after mission, breaking him down even more. One night when you were still on mission leave, there was a knock on the door. Opening it revealed Suguru holding two twin girls in his arms. After dragging him inside, giving the girls Tsumiki’s old clothes, patching him up, and making him tea, you asked what on Earth happened? Anxiety gnawing away as you assumed the worst. Then Suguru explained the situation, his latest mission in a village where he found the mistreated twins by the villagers. He didn’t kill them, to your relief, but he was mad and angry how non-sorcerer people could be more cruel than them. These are the people they were supposed to protect and save but they pull off the most heinous crimes, putting a hit on Riko then torturing these innocent girls. 

You didn’t deny Suguru was right, why protect non-sorcerers when they have the ability to be as cruel as the curse spirits they fight? But it was not about being the better person and letting them get away with it, no. It was about would it be worth it in the end for Suguru to kill off random humans who they’ll never see again? The village was remote as it is. So for torturing the girls, Jujutsu tech and other Jujutsu sorcerers weren’t allowed to do assignments for the village. Leaving the villagers vulnerable to curse attacks and incidents. While it still was a bad decision to leave them to fend for themselves, you couldn’t let Suguru go on a killing spree. 

So Reader helps Suguru take care of the twins along with Satoru and Shoko. The twins had a hard time adjusting but got used to living with Suguru as their guardian/dad. The Twins grow up with Tsumiki and Megumi as they would have play dates and hangout with each other whenever they were at Reader’s home or Reader brings Megumi and Tsumiki to Jujutsu Tech. 

With that, Suguru and Gojo become teachers at Jujutsu High. Shoko became a doctor, Yaga became the principal of the school, Haibara is a full-time sorcerer while Nanami left the Jujutsu World after he graduated but eventually returned a couple years later. You still teach at the school but more of a substitute teacher and only going on retrieval and investigating missions. 

During this time, you tried your best with your children to mend their relationship with Toji. While Megumi took a little longer than Tsumiki, they recognized that their father was staying and not leaving anytime soon. The household was a lot healthier because of that, putting Tsumiki and Megumi in a better mental state. With Megumi having developed his curse technique, Satoru trains him and spends time with him after school to help him better understand his technique. Though you do help your son, it seems like Satoru had teachings that stick with him more. Megumi recognizes Satoru’s presence, though annoyed for the most part, and sees him as an older brother figure but he’ll never admit it. Toji is more involved with his kids' lives as they get older, making up for their earlier years. They have good figures in their lives, making their lives better. While Megumi still has that surface-level brooding antisocial personality, it’s credited to him being an introvert and picking up bits of Toji’s personality.

Though Toji and Megumi’s relationship got better over the years, they have their little banter moments here and there. It was more for annoyance and teasing between the two. You allow it to happen only if it’s meant to be a joke and not a cruel insult disguised as a joke. Sometimes Tsumiki intervenes but you tell her that’s how Megumi and Toji show their love for each other. Especially when Megumi gets older and doesn’t show his vulnerability as much compared to when he was younger. Megumi grew to appreciate his dad more and Toji values from what his two children have taught him.

With the events of JJK 0, since Geto is alive and a non-curse user, let’s just say that the villain who attacked Jujutsu High was Kenjaku but in a different body of a powerful person. So Reader meets Yuta and the other first years and is shocked to see a Zen’in with no technique. She makes personal note of this while also helping Satoru and Suguru teach them. Reader was also there for the attack that took place on Christmas Eve, which pissed her off because she was supposed to be at home with her family but some powerful bozo wanted to conquer and see the whole world in shambles. Nanami and Haibara were serving on the battlefield. Gojo was literally giving hands to Miguel while Suguru was helping in exorcizing and stockpiling curses. 

Kenjaku gets heavily injured and flees the scene, proclaiming that this wouldn’t be the last time they would see him. So after convincing forcing Miguel to come to your side, Reader and Satoru sent Yuta with him to Africa in hopes of finding more of the curse rope Miguel’s clan makes.

Meanwhile sometime later, Megumi was of age to go to Jujutsu Tech. He had a lot of resistance from you to not go there, let alone be a sorcerer. But Gojo talked with you and convinced you that Megumi would become a better sorcerer if he went. Yet it meant dorming at the school and Reader was reluctant about it. But when Megumi showed interest and talked to you about it, you agreed to it but it meant that Satoru would be responsible for his well-being during school hours. Toji also was on Megumi’s side, saying the boy needs to spread his wings and kick ass. Plus Tsumiki will be home too. He’s becoming a young man and you hate to admit it but your husband has a point.

Also in this AU, Tsumiki doesn’t get cursed and goes into a coma. Long story short, you had a gut feeling that something bad was gonna happen. But it wasn't like the air shifted or felt different. Nah, you had this impending doom and you felt so sick that Toji was concerned for you. When Tsumiki left for the bridge, Toji secretly followed after her and saved her just in time. However, one of her friends ended up getting cursed instead. Tsumiki feels guilty but Toji explained about your concern for her safety which is why he went.

Everything still happens as per usual. Megumi meets Yuji, Yuji eats Sukuna’s fingers, Yuuji becomes Sukuna’s vessel, Megumi, Nobara, and Yuuji become a team, etc.

Megumi never really mentions Reader/You, his dad, or sister to Yuji and Nobara because they never asked him. But also, he still is a well-reserved person and doesn’t let information like that slip, especially what he knows about Reader’s status in the Jujutsu Society.

Yuji and Nobara don’t meet Reader/you until after the Kyoto exchange event because Reader/You were in Hokkaido for a bit. But let’s say Reader/You were not pleased with the treatment of Yuji and the Jujutsu Tech students from Kyoto. Todo gets a pass but he’s the only one, Miwa does but she’s a different story.

Reader brings up Maki to Toji and Toji seems interested to see another person that’s very similar to him. Reader brings Toji to school and this is one of the times he is actually well-behaved and watches from afar as he sees the second-years train. He observes Maki quietly as you await his response. Toji just stands up, saying there’s another foil to the Zen’in clan’s plans before leaving the school grounds with you.

Toji does go on missions for Jujutsu Tech but he’s not considered a sorcerer. He’s very similar to Mei Mei in terms of only doing a job if it bleeds money. Due to his Celestial Restriction, he is sent on more dangerous missions. But he doesn’t mind because the paycheck he gets is a fat one that could provide for a year for your household.

Now with the Shibuya Arc, it will be completely different with Toji being alive and an ally. Though tragedy and destruction will occur in Shibuya and afterwards, Toji’s being alive does change the tides against Kenjaku and his evil plan. This is also where Reader starts doing her own thing and pulls some strings that’ll help the main cast. Even if it’s not on legal terms.

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Hi was just going through the post on “hale” which was searched cause my cat is such a mediating little baby and it was a pic of stiles flirting with Derek and Scott just validating and hyping stiles up, and I wanted to know if you know or can recommend some good Scott himbo fanfics, just him being a dude bro himbo who loves stiles so much, especially with working hard to get Stiles and Derek together.

Thank you!!,! It can included as many himbo as you like!,!!!!

Yeah!

The Matchmaking Alpha (or Two Dumb Love Birds Attack) by NathTE

(1/? I 300 I Teen)

Scott was tired of seeing Stiles and Derek dancing around each other, which made it even more frustrating as he was the one both chose to come to talk about the other.

So, he decided he was going to help them realize, that their supposedly unrequited love, wasn’t that unrequited anyway.

Come Over Here And Make Me by tabbytabbytabby

(1/1 I 1,759 I Teen)

Stiles and Derek get stuck together when Scott and Mason team up and find a way to keep them trapped at Derek's. It works out better than they expected.

For the prompts: “Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.” and “Come over here and make me.”

McLinski's by StaciNadia

(1/1 I 3,075 I General)

Derek is a coffee snob looking for some good coffee, but what he finds is bad coffee jokes and maybe a whole lot more.

ones you never expected by Marishna

(1/1 I 3,832 I Mature)

A few seconds later Stiles and Derek heard the elevator start its laborious descent to the ground floor.

Stiles kept his head buried in one of the new books he picked up, scanning the passages for any keyword or phrasing that sounded similar to what their allied San Bernadino pack friends were dealing with. Finally, after three long, drawn-out minutes, Derek dropped his pen to the table and pushed back from it.

“They’re gone,” he told Stiles who stuck a piece of paper between the pages to mark his place and shut his book.

“About time! Now, strip,” he ordered.

How To Get Your Idiot Friends Together: A Four Step Process by Scott McCall by reptilianraven

(1/1 I 4,344 I General)

"He laughs at your jokes, man. How blind can you be?"

Stiles makes this face like he ate a lemon or something. "Are we talking about the same guy here? Because Derek Hale has never once laughed at my jokes."

"No, he does the thing where he exhales quickly through his nose. Like when you see something funny on the internet." Scott says and oh my god. "Stiles he thinks you're funny like how things on the internet are funny. I don't get why I have to explain this to you!"

-

In which Scott plays matchmaker because he'd probably go insane if these two idiots can't get their fucking act together.

[slide] by sonic_counselor

(1/1 I 16,506 I Mature)

He’s worked at the movie theater for just over a year now and it’s probably the best job he’s ever had, although that’s not entirely a fair comparison when the only other jobs he’s ever had involved raking leaves for Mrs. Huckabee next door and doing some filing for his dad at the station.

He’s also had a crush on Derek for just over a year, ever since his first day at the theater when their overbearing and probably certifiably insane general manager, Bobby Finstock, had declared he didn’t have time to do Stiles’ induction and had palmed him off on Derek instead because he happened to be walking past the office.

# #

Working at the movie theater alongside his crush is all getting a little too much for Stiles. It's just as well Scott, and his terrible matchmaking plans, are on hand to help out.

[lolahaurisfw]

: ̗̀➛ Harvey: Fluff Alphabet

A/N: Some talks about death and implied PTSD in this one.

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

Genuinely, everything.

Your personality, your laugh, your giving and caring nature, everything.

He's so whipped for you, your #1 fan! <3

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Your lips! No matter the size or shape of them. He just loves kissing you so much.

He def stares at your lips when you're talking sometimes, but gets all shy about it if you tease him for it.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

If you're lying down, then facing each other and hugging tightly. So tight it's like you're both worried the other is gonna run away.

Or: him lying on the couch with you between his legs and your head on his chest.

If sitting, then he's immediately bringing you into his lap and holding you like a teddy bear. <3

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

(takes place in winter)

He would love so much to take you out to a fancy restaurant in Zuzu city. He loves doting on you and treating you to the nice things you deserve!

His ideal itinerary would something like...

Visiting an Art & History museum ➡️ dinner and wine tasting ➡️ walking around downtown & looking at Christmas lights ➡️ and finally, getting some coco to drink on the bus ride back home.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

Openly and honestly.

I know for a fact he's so good with communication in a relationship.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Yes! He's always dreamed of being a husband and father. I think he'd want two kids close together in age so they can be friends.

He's such a girl dad too, omg.

Ofc he'd love his child no matter what they were, but I love imagining him as a girl dad.

Always spoiling her, speaking to her so kindly, always calling her princess and sweetheart instead of her name 🥹

UGH MY HEART and my daddy issues ARE SCREAMING RN!!!

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Loves gift giving!

He loves buying you small plants or trinkets he knows you'd like. Once in a while i think he'd also pay Gus and Emily to make and deliver your favorite dinner to you as a surprise.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

ALL THE TIME. ANYTIME.

And he'd always do that thing where he strokes your hand with his thumb absentmindedly !!

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

Assuming it's a more serious injury-

Inside he'd be so panicked. Usually he wouldn't be. But because it's you, the person he cares about most in the world, of course he can't help but freak out.

On the outside he'd be mostly calm. Though he would be sweating, trembling, and his voice would crack a lot.

As hard as he tries to hide it, you can tell he's having a panic attack though.

So, when your healed and home, you do anything you can to say sorry and promise to be more careful. <3

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

He'd be so funny actually, but in a really dorky/nerdy way. yk?

Doesn't do pranks though.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Kisses on the lips is #1 ofc. But also...

Forehead kisses when he hugs you!!

Or when he hugs you from behind, he'll lean over your shoulder and pepper your cheek in kisses.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

All 5 love languages!! He’s a true romantic. His top ones would be acts of service, touch, and words of affirmation though.

Making you breakfast & dinner everyday, massages after a particularly long work day, constant compliments and little love confessions, cuddling when you go to sleep and wake up, etc...

He's a certified lover boy (& gentleman!)

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

Every 'first/milestone' in your relationship would be his fav, he simply couldn't choose one.

Like Your First: kiss, date, flower dance, "i love you", Valentine's, Xmas, etc...

Plus your engagement and marriage ceremony.

Side note, he would cry every time he thinks about the days you guys got engaged and married.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

Being the reason you died.

(yikes! dark, i know)

But remember when he said, "imagine having a patient's life completely in your hands, and failing to keep them alive..."

Since he's also technically your doctor, i think that fear would consume him anytime you got hurt in the mines or something.

He would have actual nightmares about it a lot. It would also probably take a really long time to work through that fear and try to leave it behind.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

I wouldn’t call it odd, but his great love for and knowledge of planes and flying is a bit niche. 

Imagine how cute it would be to listen to him ramble about planes to you though <3 

Maybe you two would be sitting on the couch, watching a documentary on the history of flight, and when it gets to his favorite part, he accidentally starts to get too excited about you learning about it. 

So he leans over and starts ranting a bit, talking with hands and smiling the whole time as he goes on about different stories & fun facts related to whatever is on the screen. 

This is so cute to think of oml.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Dear, love, my love, honey, hun, sweetheart, angel.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

I think his favorite way to spend time is just doing simple, domestic things. Things you both would've been bored with and done all alone before. There's just something so beautiful about being able to enjoy your time with someone doing mundane tasks.

Like: running errands together, household chores, doing separate hobbies in the same room, cooking, farm work, yk.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Hot Freaks - Puppy Princess

I don't think he'd listen to it, but it just reminds me of him.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

Totally open with you. Assuming you've been in a relationship for a while, he'd feel completely safe and comfortable with telling you anything at all. He doesn't see any reason to keep anything from you.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

Honestly not too long. Maybe a year at most.

Usually for a shy man like him i'd say a long time, but he gives hopeless romantic vibes, which makes me think it really wouldn't take too long to get him to feel ready to date you.

The only reason it takes more than a couple months is just because he's in a small town now, so if you ended up breaking up it'd be painful and awkward seeing you every day.

Not to mention he's your doctor...

But yeah, i think as soon as he really gets to know you, it won't take long for him to ease his nerves and just go for it.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

Sooo present and caring. He's learned exactly how you like being comforted.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

He's so proud of you. He loves to talk about you to anyone who will listen.

(Which is all of his patients cause they're forced to listen lol)

Also loves showing off his airplane and flight knowledge to you.

Super cute.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

He hates it when you go to the mines tbh, it makes him very sick and anxious, but he knows you need to do it for materials and money.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

Too well...

Like, he knows you better than you know yourself sometimes.

It's really nice though. He always knows how to comfort you, and can always tell if you're in the mood to talk about your problems or not.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

During a romantic dinner on Valentine's Day!

He'd prepare your favorite dinner and dessert, paired with his finest wine. (Or a sparkling juice or cider if you don't drink!)

He'd start the dinner normally, talking about each of your day's and exchanging some loving sentiments.

But you could tell he was all fidgety and nervous, so you asked what was going on.

That's when he cleared his throat, laughed nervously, and started his little monologue.

He'd go on about how much he loves you, how you changed his life, etc...

And when he manages to stop his (adorable) rambling, he stands up and walks to your chair. Reaching into his coat pocket and getting down on one knee while you both start tearing up.

When you say yes, he'd pick you up and cover you in kisses, giving you one long passionate kiss at the end.

He would NOT let go of you until he went to work the next day. <3

Has a constant smile on his face for the next week or two... or three :)!

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

Reading a magazine with his morning coffee, listening to the radio or some jazz while it's raining, cooking, doing chores around the house, watching planes fly by at The Summit, sitting by the river in Cindersap and watching the fish swim by, grocery shopping, morning showers, your general presence.

[lolahauri]

: ̗̀➛ Ian Malcolm: Smut Alphabet 🔞

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

A gentleman, he already has a towel and bottle of water waiting on his nightstand for you.

Loves to cuddle, talk, and joke around with you after sex.

Falling asleep in his arms >

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Thighs and ass man for sure.

Playfully slaps your butt every time you walk past him.

Loves having your thighs wrapped around him when he goes down on you.

His favorite part of himself is his hands/arms.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Either inside you, or on your stomach. 

Loves watching his cum drip out of you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Even though he tends to be the more dominant and teasing one, he LOVES it when you take charge and boss him around.

He finds it both cute, and really fucking sexy.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Very experienced. I mean, come on, he’s in his 40’s. He’s had his fair share of ex’s and casual flings.

And he knows exactly what he’s doing, both because he’s had a lot of practice, and he’s very observant. He’s learned just what it takes to turn you on or make you cum. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy, he likes having a little power over you. And bending you over like that makes you totally helpless and weak.

He also likes to lean over and whisper in your ear and leave a trail of kisses over your shoulder and back during it.

Honorable mention: Cowgirl. Gives him a lovely view.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Perfect balance of funny and serious, i mean he’s not gonna act like a fucking clown, but i don’t think he takes anything too seriously. 

Not afraid to crack a couple jokes or tease you once in a while.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Long but trims it a bit so it’s not out of control. Super curly like his hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be very romantic when the moment calls for it. 

Like if it’s a special occasion, like vday or your anniversary, he’s got the light down low, rose petals, champagne, soft music in the background, the works.

He’ll also be praising you, worshipping your body, and doing every thing you ask.

Certified lover boy.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Not often, once or twice a week maybe.

He thinks about you every time though.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dirty talk. He fucking loooves dirty talk.

Tell him how good he feels or what you want him to do to you, and he'll be putty in your hands.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

His office, bed, and car are his top three choices.

Also likes the couch and shower

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Short skirts/dresses and booty shorts, shows off your butt and legs nicely.

You teasing him. For example: running your fingers up his leg under the table, bending over in front of him with a skirt on, unexpected dirty talk or sexts.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He’s kinda vanilla so i don’t think he’d be into any more risky kinks

Like bdsm, cnc, impact play, etc… 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Leans towards giving, it boosts his ego soo much to see you tossing & turning and whining under his mouth.

But he does also love getting a blowjob under the desk from you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He likes to start off slow and hard, making you desperate for more.

Eventually picks up the pace to give more quick, hard, and shallow thrusts

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s fine with them. He’d prefer to make-out and do a lot of foreplay first though.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Not big on experimenting, the most risk he’ll take is semi-public spaces.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He’s an old man, he’s only got one, MAYBE two rounds in him, but he’ll edge himself to last a little longer for you. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Doesn’t have any and doesn’t plan to use any.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

The biggest tease ever, he loves to do little things that turn you on and then play dumb and leave you wanting more. 

He'll be getting you hot n bothered throughout the whole day, making you wait till you get home to give you some relief.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

A bit vocal but not super loud. Lots of groans, heavy breathing and grunting.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Definitely a manther

(male version of cougar)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Big, but average girth. 

7 inches or close to it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Average, wants to have sex once every day or two.

If you have a higher sex drive, he’ll happily try to accommodate that.

So if he didn't have the stamina to go again, expect a lot of oral and fingering.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Again, he’s an old man, he’ll get tired right afterwards. 

So hopefully your ready to cuddle and sleep :) 

[actuallysolace]

Random Nico & Will HCs

INCLUDES EXCITING TOPICS SUCH AS:

Being Nerd Geeks

When: Distressed / Angry / Tired

Scars

Clothing

I didn't have a lot of ideas....Please leave asks for hc requests if anyone wants to hear more *batting my eyelashes*

BEING NERD GEEKS

NDA 🏴‍☠️

Mythomagic card game fan (Obviously)

(Past) Pirate fanatic But if the topic comes up he gets hyped

I think he'd like Pokémon. (Personally idk much about it)

Potentially could have a huge advantage in Pokémon Go (With Shadow Travel).

Not the type to talk about his interests a lot, preferring to indulge by himself or discuss with a select few people.

Although when given the opportunity you can see the light visibly enter his lifeless eyes.

Him and Frank bond over picking up Mythomagic again as "Eventual In-Laws".

Probably still thinks to himself in Mythomagic terms when discussing Greek mythology.

"So how much HP did he lose" he ponders as he's meeting Lester Papadopoulos for the first time. (The answer is: Clearly A Lot)

WS 🔆

Star Wars fan (Obviously)

Has a ton of Lego Sets littered around Cabin 7

True Crime Listener (Confirmed in TSATS)

DHMIS (Past, but if you mention something even somewhat related it'll reawaken.) hyperfixation do not ask me how he landed on YouTube.com....i have no clue. I just think it'd be funny.

(Young 10 year old) Will at camp and one of his siblings ask "What are you interested in?" expecting some kind of hobby such as painting or singing and then all of a sudden you've got this kid yapping up a storm about a "Cult Leader Butterfly".

Rip Will Solace you would've loved YouTube Essays, and then getting frustrated when they're wrong about small minor details that only you care about.

The Type to Talk About Their Interests. Frequently. Certified Yapper. He can and will bring them up whenever to whomever. He can and will make references that nobody gets. He is a walking advertisement.

WHEN DISTRESSED

NDA 🏴‍☠️

Stands stiller.

He tries to keep them under control but his Powers act up a bit in the form of small bone bits and dead grass.

If he's deeply upset the ground might crack up (like in Titan's Curse) as if he's reaching out the Underworld or Wanting to dig up a ditch and lay with the dead.

WS 🔆

Pacer. Starts speed walking around like they've got places to be and multiple deadlines.

Sometimes starts glowing in distress without noticing. Possibly his own body trying to soothe itself?

Already fidgety but it increases when they're just feeling extra something whether it be upset or excited.

WHEN ANGRY

NDA 🏴‍☠️

Quick to get defensive and start arguing

He feels rage at 1 million percent

WS 🔆

Tends to suppress their feelings in the moment trying to make peace and or mediate whatever's going on

Skilled at staying level-headed, cause he has to be

Sometimes you just gotta bite your tongue

So he did once

Like Literally

It started Bleeding

He had to heal it himself

Screams in the Woods After particularly anger inducing situations

A few dryads are concerned about him. Mentally.

Sometimes (if it's too dark out) into his own pillow

Casually leaves screaming session as if nothing happened

"what do you mean you heard screaming in the woods" "maybe a dryad just had a really bad break-up"

WHEN TIRED (OR SLEEPING)

NDA 🏴‍☠️

Talks less and less

Can sleep anywhere

Under any condition

Like he could be in an active Tornado, snoring.

WS 🔆

Talks more and more

Getting increasingly less coherent and more nonsensical

What is bro yapping about

He can go for longer without rest (Thanks Apollo) but practically drops dead once they get the chance to sleep.

Like collapses and barely breathes. Someone had to be on "Check Will's Pulse" Duty before Nico was around to keep sensing that his boyfriend is not deceased.

Always ends up in an entirely different position when he wakes up versus how he slept

Apollo passed down trait of ending up in some Dramatic Damsel in Distress coded pose while unconscious to a large majority of his kids. Will included.

SCARS

NDA 🏴‍☠️

Littered in scars

Probably didn't seek out proper healing for a long while unless absolutely necessary, instead choosing to abuse Ambrosia and Nectar.

Even now that he does seek proper healing (usually), chooses to keep whatever scars he can.

Cause, "They Look Cool"

Makes him feel like a Pirate

WS 🔆

Heals quicker than the average demigod (Pro of being Apollo's Offspring)

Typically his wounds will start healing themselves like small cuts or minor bruising never lingering for too long.

Still takes steps to clean up and dress them. He is a professional of course, What kind of example is he setting if he leaves them be???

CLOTHES

NDA 🏴‍☠️

Nico goes through funnily extreme lengths to maintain his Son of Hades look

Will is still in the works of getting "Allergic to Color" approved as a valid allergy

No of course Will doesn't believe that, but he enjoys partaking in shenanigans

This man has managed to obtain the camp shirt IN BLACK. WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS CANONICALLY WEARING ORANGE? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME APHRODITE CABIN HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO UNLOCK NEW COLORS BEFORE THIS GUY DID? HE STICKS OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB? AMONG PEOPLE WHO ARE WEARING ORANGE???????????LMFAOOOO??????

Honestly I think he just does things to 1. See how much he can get away with 2. Watch Chiron visibly yearn for retirement.

Closet is very black with some white with a hint of brown cause like leather and also dirt.

Possibly just purchasing anything with a skull on it.

Is it cause Son of Hades or because it reminds him of Pirates the world may never know.

WS 🔆

Honestly just pulling stuff together

Their face is doing most of the work Really

Hasn't been the same ever since they discovered Crocs

Owns a Set of Rainbow Crocs

I don't see Nico stealing Will's clothes but I think they'd both enjoy the irony of a medic wearing a skull shirt aka Will wearing Nico's clothes.

Nico offers his jackets frequently in the winter or nights because Maria raised a gentleman. And also because Will is never ever truly prepared clothes-wise (he tries he really does it just never works out) and then he's just Standing there, shivering like a wet cat.

@solangeloweek

[seeingivy]

befriend your landlord 

roommate eren x f!reader

you and eren reconcile after meeting your eccentric landlord

**find the series masterlist here

content: drinking, certified nut job landlord kenny ackerman, mentions of thanksgiving and fascism, mentions of a little meow meow 

an: I do not subscribe to canon lonely levi he actually just has a very alive mother and a weirdo freak uncle bc I said so. buckle in girlfriends!!! (and boyfriends and all the friends) also this chapter is based on a very real thing that happened to one of my friends in college I just think its funny...also ive evolved from calling this a mini-series cuz I plotted way too much and now cuz we gotta build the trust yk they are VERY MUCH IDIOTS IN LOVE

previous part linked here

- 

“So we can’t drive because…” 

“He likes to drink. Like, an insane amount.” 

“What does that have to do with us?” 

You and Eren were currently swinging your feet on the green bench, the train station bustling in front of you. The two of you were riding into the city to meet with your landlord today. Kenny Ackerman. You were officially being added to the lease. But apparently, it was a bigger ordeal than just signing the papers. 

You’d thought against it originally. Signing a very legal, very binding agreement to live with Eren, to stay with him for the foreseeable future. It didn’t seem like the best idea, given how the two of you were as of late. Awkward, distant, aimless. 

If you had things your way, you would have been moving out, you would have never even been his roommate in the first place. You had even tried apartment hunting again, just to get away from Eren. For good. 

The second you tried, you immediately remembered the reason you had to live with Eren in the first place. The options were hardly to die over. Hole in the wall, bathtub for a bed, your old physics professor.

You were stuck with Eren, whether you liked it or not. And that meant you had to go, convince Kenny Ackerman you were ‘worthy of living in the apartment’ (Eren’s words, not yours), and then sign the lease. 

Eren had been coaching you for a better part of the morning, this conversation being the longest the two of you had talked in the past few weeks. 

Some part of talking to him was becoming easier. The two of you weren’t exactly having the conversations you had before, but it was civil. Nice even. It was the only reason you were able to stomach this entire thing.

“I would never drive you home drunk, Y/N.” 

“I could have driven us home.” 

“Trust me. He can be very convincing.” 

Eren had been coaching you on everything you needed to know about Kenny. Don’t call him Mr. Ackerman, he will hate you. If Kuchel, his sister, is there then make sure that you call her Mrs. Ackerman. Don’t call her Kuchel until she tells you to call her Kuchel. The sooner she says that, the better. Make sure to drink anything he offers you, the pink lemonade smells bad but it’s not too horrible. If his nephew is there, don’t make eye contact unless he makes it with you first. 

He was somehow more nervous introducing you to his landlord (and his landlord’s family??) than introducing you to his own parents. Granted, they kind of put a pin in that entire thing, but he seemed way more at ease then than he did right now. 

You can see the timer on the screen, signaling that the next train would be here in less than a minute. You nudge his shoulder and the two of you jump off the bench, hesitantly linking arms as you push through the crowd in front of you.

The second the doors slide open, everyone pushes forward, very quickly sliding into every available seat on the train. This left you and Eren to share a single pole to hold onto as the train started moving. You secure your knuckles right under his, the two of you standing in silence, less than a foot away from each other. He leans down, his face even closer than it was before and he whispers into your ear. 

“Brace your feet.” 

“I know how to stand on a train, Eren.” 

He doesn’t respond right away and you turn to find him looking down at the ground, avoiding meeting your gaze. You were just kidding. But then again, you did yell at him last week, so how is he supposed to know the difference? 

“Six stops. Then we’ll get off.” 

You nod, bracing your feet against the ground as the train starts moving. The train is stuffy, warm, and way over capacity. You can smell the girl standing directly next to you’s perfume, the prune smell so strong it was making your head spin. But worse than the smell was the heat, the congregation of people making the air congested, your hair sticking to the back of your neck from the sweat. 

The two of you are pressed against each other, standing awkwardly. In silence. You did that a lot lately. This thing between the two of you was…delicate. You’re not sure what it is but the usual comfort, ease that you and Eren had was all but eliminated, left with this quietness. If you made a joke, it was lost to him entirely. If he said something that caught you off guard, you usually avoided responding by leaving the room. You had shouted at him and he made fun of you, so that didn’t leave much room for comfort. 

The train quickly lurches, slowing down all of a sudden. You quickly lose your footing, stumbling in the air as the train stops completely. Before you can fall, Eren secures his hand against your waist, stabilizing you in the air as the train comes to a full stop. You watch a few people get off the train and switch with those getting on, your breath still shaky from losing your balance. 

You feel him lean down, his head directly next to yours as he whispers in your ear, again. His hand is still secured around your waist, holding you steady. Even though the train wasn’t moving. 

“So when I said brace your feet, I basically meant-” 

“Shut up, Eren.” 

“We should get a leash for the ride back. Lock you up real nice so you won’t move.” 

“Perfect! We can use after too, when I have to drag your drunk ass home.” 

The two of you are laughing, readjusting yourself against the pole as the train starts again. His hands are still holding you steady and you can feel your cheeks flushing pink. From the heat. Obviously. 

There’s always moments like this - ones where it feels like nothing’s changed at all. You try not to think too hard about them. They’ve always gotten you in trouble. 

He tightens his grip on your waist every time the train lurches and stops, for all five of the stops. You avoid the pounding in your chest, which only stops when you both hop off the train at the end of the line. 

As you wait for Eren to pay for the return tickets, you spot a tiny black kitten, just at the end of the sidewalk. You immediately run down, nuzzling the tiny little cat as you pet it. As you breathe in the air, you immediately sneeze twice, your eyes watery from the sensation. You immediately hear the sound of a camera clicking, to find Eren standing over you, his phone in hand. 

“What was that for?” 

“Two kitties!”

“Ew.” 

He holds his hand out, pulling you up as the two of you walk down the block to Kenny’s apartment. Your hands are at your side, lightly brushing against Eren’s every time he leans over, making room for the other people on the sidewalk. The sun is setting on top of the buildings, the air slightly chilled. The two of you stop, standing directly on Kenny’s porch. He glances over, giving you one last look. 

“Why are you so nervous, Eren?” 

“He can be really weird. And he’s going to grill you. Just- we have to bear with him to keep the rent the way it is and live together so, just don’t blow it, okay?” 

“I really appreciate your vote of confidence, Eren. Your faith in me is rejuvenating” 

“That’s- shut up, you know that’s not what I meant.” 

The two of you give each other a smile, as Eren turns to the side and knocks on the door. 

“Why didn’t you ring the doorbell?” you whisper. 

“His doorbell is La Cucaracha.” he responds. 

The door swings open and you’re greeted with three faces staring down at you - identical sets of jet black hair and gray eyes glistening in the lamplight of the street. At the sight of you, their faces all visibly droop, as they all welcome you in. 

“He looks too young for you, Levi. And he brought a pretty girl.” 

“Those are the tenants, Mom. Not Erwin.” 

The two of them shuffle down the hall, pushing past into the room. 

“Kenny Ackerman. You must be Eren’s new roommate.” 

“Yes, that’s me. It’s so nice to meet you.” 

You hold your hand out, him nearly jostling your entire body as he shakes your hand. He idles down the hallway to where the other two had gone, leaving you and Eren in the walkway. You whisper to Eren as the two of you hang your coats on the rack. 

“They hate me already.” 

“That’s not true. Kuchel called you pretty.” 

You roll your eyes, the two of you awkwardly shuffling into the living room, where the three of them were sitting across from you. It’s only then that you can get a better look at them and realize that you know one of them. Levi. Your old physics professor. The one who you cried to about not having a roommate that took pity on you and let you sleep in his house. 

“Hi Professor Levi. It’s been a while.” 

“I see you’ve found a roommate. I can’t believe you found a place to live in one week.” 

“I thought you said the two of you had been living together for a few months, Eren.” 

“We have, Kenny.”

“Ah, right. I was just looking around at other apartments for the past week just to see if anything popped up on the market. And they didn’t. So I’m here.” 

Eren ducks his head down, the expression on his face dark. He whispers into your ear as the three of them start chattering, still discussing Erwin. 

“What? You want to move out?” 

“No, no. I was just looking. It must be awkward for you to live with a girl who isn’t your girlfriend, you know?” 

He leans over, his eyes teetering between annoyed and irritated. 

“She’s not my girlfriend. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that.” 

The doorbell rings, throwing you and Eren out of the conversation you were having. You watch the three of them jump up and rush to the door, fixing their hair and their clothes as they make it to the door. You and Eren stand up, peeking your heads down the hallway as you watch the three of them greet Erwin. Your old political science professor. 

First Levi now Erwin too? You can feel your cheeks burning from embarrassment, remembering that you had actually cried to the two of them twice - the first time to Levi when you were jumping houses and he agreed to let you stay with them and a second time when Erwin offered you an extra pillow before you went to sleep. 

“Hello. I’m Erwin Smith.” 

“Eren Yeager. This is my roommate, Y/N.” 

“Ah, Y/N. How are you? You figured out your living situation fast!” 

You don’t miss Eren glaring daggers at you out of the corner of your eye as you give Levi and Erwin an awkward smile, shaking your sweaty palms against their hands.

“Okay kid. You and Kuchel should go fix the dinner with Erwin in the kitchen. I have to talk to these two here.”  

Why are you and Eren here the first time Levi’s family is meeting his long term boyfriend? 

You look over to Eren whose irritation has very quickly been replaced with nervousness. Kenny is staring the two of you down, the two of you squished together on his very tiny couch. 

“So. You go to Shiganshina?” 

You feel your voice tangle in your throat, suddenly intimidated by Kenny staring you down. You can hear Eren’s voice echoing in your head, his angry look seared in your mind, your voice not coming out. He’s going to grill you. Don’t blow it. 

“Yes. She’s an Applied Kinesiology major. She’s very smart.” 

You look over, silently thanking the gods that Eren answered for you. 

“Can you pay rent?” 

“She has been, for the past two months.” 

He nods, leaning over the table as he stares you down. 

“I’ll give you a situation. Respond accordingly.” 

You nod, clenching your hands into little fists against the couch. 

“You just got off of work. You’re really tired but you have to stop by the store to get groceries. You’ve purchased them all. What do you do after?” 

You look over at Eren, giving him a weary stare. What the fuck kind of question is that? Is there even a right answer to this? 

“Well, I would leave the store. And take my cart, if I had one, to my car. I’d probably put my stuff away, return the cart, and then just drive home, put everything in the fridge and the cabinets.” 

He nods, taking in your answer as he leans back in his chair. “Do you like Eren?” 

“What?” 

“As a roommate.” 

“Oh. Right. Yeah, he’s great.” 

“Why did you start rooming with him?” 

You can’t lie. It seems wrong to tell him that your old roommates chose not to room with you for the next year - he was sure to not think you were a good fit if you said that. But if he found out you were lying, it would be even worse. 

“Well you see, she-”

“I asked her, Eren.” 

You feel him move his knee, pressing his against yours as his fingers curl around your hand. You feel him squeeze your hand twice, his green eyes warm as he looks at you. Right. You can do this. 

“I used to live with a few of my friends last year. I didn’t really know, but they had picked other arrangements without telling me, so I was left without a roommate for around a week. Eren was nice enough to offer me the empty spot in his room so I didn’t have to jump around from my friends' places every night.” 

He stares the two of you down. You’re rubbing circles into the back of Eren’s hand, the two of you holding your breaths as you wait for his response. 

��Sucks. Kids are bitches.” 

You both squeeze, trying your best not to smile. 

“Yeah.” 

“If you kids start dating, you can't be loud at night. You’ll piss off the neighbors. You can sign the lease after dinner. You passed.” 

He gets up off the couch, his distinct smoke smell leaving the room with him. You turn to Eren, the two of you smiling at each other as you lift your hands to high five. Eren holds your hand in the air, shaking your hand excitedly. 

“You passed, kitty.” 

“Where are we right now? Do you smell that? How does it smell like smoke and laundry at the same time? And what the fuck kind of question was that? I thought I was going to vomit. ” 

“Weird guy. Nice rent rates, though.”

“And Levi. He’s my physics professor. I literally had a crush on him. And his boyfriend, he was my political science professor too. I even stayed over at their house once. This is about to be super weird.” 

“Why did you stay at their house?” 

“I didn’t have a place to stay! This was before you offered, when I was jumping houses.”

“Were they loud at night?” 

“Ew. Don’t put that thought in my head. I’m going to vomit.” 

“Save it for later.” 

“As if. I can hold my drink. Trust me.” 

 - 

You and Eren are seated directly across from Levi and Erwin at the dinner table, Kuchel and Kenny taking the heads of the tables at the ends. A large part of this feels like you and Eren are intruding on a very special moment, but you ignore that and dig into the food. 

Right. For some reason, Kenny picked Thanksgiving food for the menu. In the middle of September. Like full on turkey dinner, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce. 

“So, do you like Thanksgiving, Kenny?” 

“I hate fascism, Y/N. No, I do not like Thanksgiving.” 

You look over at Eren, trying your best to contain your laughter, as Kenny goes on, rambling about something you’re not quite sure about. Everything Eren said was slowly starting to fall into place - you really can’t turn down drinks from the guy. He’d already made you try three different drinks he made and you had only been here for an hour. And the pink lemonade was actually disgusting, Eren’s just a liar. 

Kuchel turns to the two of you, flashing you both a big smile.

“Say Eren. You never told us you got a pretty girlfriend.” 

You and Eren both choke on your food, clearing your throats. 

“Ah. I’m not Eren’s girlfriend. We just live together. Friends.” 

“Uh huh. Right. What a shame. You two are so sweet together. Sharing your sweet little smiles, playing footsie under the table.” 

You immediately drag your foot off of Eren’s under the table, embarrassed that she had caught that. Every time Levi rolled his eyes, Eren tapped your foot to get your attention, the two of you trying not to laugh. It’s not your fault that rolling his eyes is basically like blinking to Levi. 

“Ma. Leave them alone, yeah? They’re just kids, they don’t know what they feel.” 

“I have to agree with Lee’ here, Mrs. Ackerman. Surely, they just haven’t reached that stage yet.” 

“You call Levi Lee’, Erwin? That’s so sweet. Oh you two are just perfect and I-” 

The four of you five of you watch Kuchel burst into tears, taking turns pressing kisses to everyone's cheeks at the table. You and Eren included. When she sits down, Eren leans over, whispering in your ear. 

“She’s like Annie on hour five of being drunk.” 

“More like hour one.” 

You both laugh, silently eating your food as you watch them interact with each other again. Some parts of it feel like a reality tv show. Kenny’s is downright ridiculous - he’s been hurling out whatever comes to his mind. He told Eren that he seemed like the type to commit genocide in another life and then told Erwin that he would be a corrupt military man. 

Kuchel is sweet. Almost two sweet. She spent a large majority of the night crying, telling baby stories about Levi when he was a kid. You don’t miss the way Levi’s ears turn red when she confesses that Levi used to be scared of the toilet when he was younger. 

Best of all are Levi and Erwin. You don’t miss the glances between them - the silent communication they had going on at the table. It’s like the rest of you weren’t even here. That’s where you think Eren got the idea, the tapping on the feet. A signal that you were going to talk laugh about it later. 

- 

Eight drinks in and Kenny is blasting music, doing a solo interpretive dance to Etta James. You and Levi are in one corner with Kuchel, Erwin, and Eren in the other. 

“I can’t believe this guy is your uncle. Did you ever do a DNA test?” 

“Hundreds.”

You turn your neck to find Levi, staring across Erwin on the other side of the room. You follow his gaze, watching Kuchel pinch Eren’s cheeks and Erwin laugh at the two of them. 

“What’s your deal?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“With Eren. You like him right?” 

You look down into your cup, the opaque liquid staring back at you. Erwin had made you a fruity drink, to which Kenny responded “everything about this guy is fruity!” 

“Yeah.” 

“He doesn’t like you back?” 

“No.” 

“I didn’t like Erwin at first. He was too much - pretentious, arrogant, irrational at times.” 

“But?” 

“But, he was my best friend. At some point, all the love and admiration I had for him just became something more. Like, yeah, he was my favorite person to be around but then I wanted to be around him all the time. Tell him the good things, the bad things. Share something with him, anything, everything. I…I didn’t hate myself when I was with him.” 

You smile, squeezing Levi’s shoulder in your hands. 

“That’s sweet, Levi. I’m happy for you.” 

He gives you a small smile, turning his neck back to look at them across the hall. 

“Be his friend. Maybe he’ll come around.” 

 - 

Six drinks in and Eren is feeling buzzed. He was trying his best to pace himself, make sure he was sane enough to take you home at the end of the night. He could tell by the glazed look in your eyes that you were getting there, close to being fully plastered. 

He turns his neck, scanning for you around the room. You kept disappearing. But there you were, directly across from him, leaning against the wall from Levi. He meets your eyes and you give him a soft smile, accompanied with a tiny wave. His heart’s pounding. 

“Do you like her, Eren? Oh please say that you do.” 

Kuchel is squeezing his shoulders, her eyes lighting up in excitement. 

“Yeah. Maybe a little bit.” 

“Oh, oh, oh. You have to tell her. Don’t let her get away now!” 

“Ah, I tried. She doesn’t like me.” 

He watches her face droop, Erwin shaking his head in the air. Both of their cheeks are flushed pink, the cups they were holding shaking in their hands. Surely the only people who were at least somewhat sober were you and Eren, which was saying a lot. 

“You know, Eren. I knew Levi was the one the moment I saw him.” 

“Really?” 

“I liked him so much, I wanted him around. In whatever sense that means. Even if he only wanted to be my friend.” 

“He didn’t want to be with you?”

“Oh no, he loathed me. Like full of hatred.” 

“And that didn’t…bother you?” 

“Maybe a little bit, but we became friends after that. And I just wanted him around. Whatever way he would have me. Even just being his friend, getting to see him everyday, that was enough for me.” 

Eren cranes his neck back over, where Kenny has his arms slung around you and Levi. He’s forcing the two of you to sign with him - Levi looking downright murderous while you flash Kenny a polite smile. 

“Just be her friend, Eren. Maybe she’ll come around like Levi did.” 

 - 

You can’t hold your drink. Obviously. But Eren knew that already. He had been watching you for a better part of the last hour, your inhibitions absent. Erwin had made you yet another fruit themed drink, which you were all too happy to down. The second he saw the glass hit your hand, he’d focused all of his best efforts in trying to sober up, calm the thrill running through his blood. 

You had made your way back over to him after some time, the two of you on the couch. You were leaning your head against his shoulder, your breaths heavy and uneven. At the sight of Kenny - who was now singing with Kuchel on the table - you suddenly perk up, your hands pressed against his shoulders as you lean over him. 

“Eren.” 

“Hm, peaches?” 

“I have a plan.” you whisper, your eyes somewhere between delirious and devious. 

“Uh huh. What’s that?” 

“You and I should sign the lease now. Then mail the letters. That way, we can leave and Kenny can’t get mad because we basically did him a favor. We’ll just tell Levi in case he asks.” you whisper, a smile spreading across your face. 

You’re drunk out of your mind. Not that Eren himself isn’t drunk either, he can certainly feel the buzz he was trying to will away living, but he’s not as gone as you. 

“Genius idea.” 

“I know right!” 

He was being sarcastic, but you had already jumped off the couch, to where Levi and Erwin were standing in the corner. He quickly follows, catching up to balance you as you stumble over to where the two of them were standing. 

“So. Levi. Right, hi Levi.” 

He’s mentally debating if he should stop you. You are very plastered and could potentially say something embarrassing. But there’s something so funny, so endearing about the determined little look on your face that he decides against it, letting you go on. 

“You’re a man.” 

He watches the confusion spread across Levi’s already strained face, his eyes flitting between you and Eren. 

“And you, Erwin, are a man too. You two are men.” 

“That’s correct, Y/N. You’re very perceptive.” 

Eren tries his best to conceal his laughter, as you go on, talking to the two of them. You’re definitely worse than Annie. 

“Marriage. It’s a thing, you know? And a man can do it. And a woman can too. And you are a man and he is a man and you can both do that. And we want to come to that. Like go to there.” 

How did you get from talking about the lease to marriage?

“Eren. What is she going on about?” 

“We’re going to sign the lease papers and mail them on our way out so we can leave. We have to be up early tomorrow and she literally cannot drink more. We were going to ask if you could let Kenny know tomorrow and tell him to be easy on us.” 

“You drive here?” 

“No. Train. We’ll be fine to get back, Levi. I got her.” 

He nods. Eren doesn’t miss the look Erwin and Levi give each other as the two of you lock hands, tip-toeing into Kenny’s office. Of course Erwin told him. 

The two of you quickly rush out, laughing as you run down the block before any of them notice. You slow down as you pass the corner, the two of you strolling the rest of the way down the block back to the train station. He can tell you’re winding down by the way you’re leaning against him, skipping steps. 

The train car is empty, this being the last train leaving the station. He settles the two of you into the seats at the front, getting in first. 

“Ren. Can I have the window?” 

He nods, wordlessly changing seats with you. This seat’s better anyways. You look out the window. And he can look at you. 

You lean over, your eyes drooping as you lean over. He’s not sure what it is, maybe Kenny’s rancid tequila is still running through his bloodstream, but he locks his hand with yours, pressing his fingers against the scar in between your knuckles. 

“I…miss you, Y/N. Being your friend.” 

He watches your expression drop, your eyes fluttering fully open. 

“You don’t think we’re friends?” 

“No! I mean, yes. I just didn’t realize you thought we were still friends. After everything that happened, the fight we had I just kind of- I don’t know.” 

You’re quiet for some time and he can see the gears moving in your head. Your eyes are now pinched shut, your forehead scrunched in concentration. Maybe this was the right time to say this. Hopefully, you don’t even remember tomorrow. 

“Are we in second grade, Ren? Do you really not think we’re friends?” 

Of course. The words he said to you, the day you were sick. 

“We are still friends. I just meant, it was different for the past few days. But today, this was…nice. I enjoyed it.” 

You smile in response, the two of you leaning your heads against the back of the seats, the only sound being the whirring of the train behind you. 

“Y/N. You wouldn’t really move out, would you?” 

“I was hoping you forgot about that. It’s my fault. I kind of…get in my head sometimes, I don’t know.”

“About?”  

“I thought you didn’t want me around. So I didn’t want to be around you. I thought you hated me or something.” 

“Y/N. Look at me.” 

His eyes are dark, the same way as when Levi mentioned you were looking for another roommate. 

“I could never hate you.” 

“I know, I just meant-” 

“No. You clearly don’t know.” 

You turn over to find an irritated look plastered on his face, his jaw clenched shut. You press your fingers against his shoulder, squeezing twice to get his attention. He flutters his eyes open, leaning down to look at you. 

“You’re special to me. I don’t understand what I did that made you think I would ever make fun of you or hate you. You...piss me off when you say stuff like-” 

He’s cut off by you placing your hand on his cheek, your eyes peering into his. 

“Sorry, Ren.’ 

“S’okay. I know why you do it. But just remember, I’m not your stupid old roommates or your lame ex-boyfriend or anyone who ever made you feel that way. You and I are-” 

“Friends.” 

Not what he quite had in mind, but he’ll take it.

“Yeah. You can tell me anything.” 

“Okay. You too.” 

He sees you smile, your eyes wafting shut against his shoulders. He can feel the pit in his stomach burning, the exact same way it did every time you did something. When you smiled at him, fixed his hair, got him coffee. God, he still loves you. 

“So Ren. Do you want to hang out after recess?” 

“Shut up. You’re so corny, kitty.” 

“Ew.” 

- 

The next morning, Eren makes you breakfast and you sing in the shower. Progress. 

- 

next part linked here

taglist: @maliakealoha @smolone88 @mykyoon @squirrelspoetry @roronoazorosbxtchh @fell-4-u @erensleftnutt @thelazylemur @mg63k @filunara @mblrrr @spidersinmybutthole @lezsie @erensmoodygf @maesthebestmonth @nanamiswife22 @lalalucidity @lapin0u @cullenswife @leafguitar @saiyasworld @rebeccawinters @mrs-sullys-blog @red-moon-dream @icansmellsouls @luvinclouds @katestrophes @amourely @6sakusa @miralbdo @k0z3me @celiniverse @txminie-blog @erenspersonalwh0re @s0f14sbs @violetmatcha @sweetenertea @wheredidmycrowngo @serendippindots @intimacywithceline @alonemoth @l0v31yw0r1d @meowmeowmau @miasthoughtsdotcom 

reply under this post or any of the one’s linked above to be added to the tag list! <3 

[jamietwat]

Time loop fic set during season 2 when Jamie’s back around but Roy isn’t coaching yet where it takes Jamie and Roy an embarrassing amount of do-overs before they finally realize they’re both caught in it because for days Jamie goes over to Keeley’s place and antagonizes Roy in basically the exact same way because he thinks making the same stupid old man jokes all the time is funny anyway and any slight changes in conversation he just assumes is because he showed up at a different time or worded his own end of the conversation a little differently but Roy’s still basically saying the same grumpy old man shit anyway

And Roy makes basically the same retorts every time because he stands by it and he assumes Jamie shows up at slightly different times looking for Keeley as a butterfly effect of his morning with Keeley being different but that there’s no escaping him showing up to be a little bitch at some point

And like they both sometimes tell people but not the same people on the same version of the day so Keeley individually thinks that both of them are losing it on different versions of the day before eventually they both mention it

And then on like day 5 of the same day over and over Jamie doesn’t show up and Roy is irrationally angry about it but thinks it must be somehow connected to the fact that he was acting absolutely insane with Keeley trying to explain what’s happening while she thought he was fucking with her and somehow that made her brush off Jamie and him not show up or something?

And it takes Jamie showing up at 100 and just tearing Roy apart and going on about what a dick he is (which isn’t unusual but isn’t how this routine goes) and weirdly fixating on how he was excited to meet Roy but then he ended up just being an old washed up prick that never even gave him a chance because Jamie figures he can just show up, yell at Roy for all the reasons he’s so fixated on being a little asshole with a grudge against Roy in particular to get it out of his system, and then never have to deal with any consequences of Roy finding out about the whole embarrassing having been a big fan and expecting it to be so cool to play on a team with him just to immediately get offended that Roy didn’t give a shit about him and his bullshit and so Jamie ended up hating him thing

But instead Roy just scowls at him and is like “that’s not what you’re supposed to say” and Jamie’s like “…what.” And Roy’s like I’ve done this day like ten times already and either I make Keeley think I’m certifiable first thing in the morning and you don’t show up or else you show up looking for her and then make the same completely uncreative old man jokes at me and Jamie’s like what the fuck I’ve been doing this same day over and over and you’ve been making the same shitty jokes that weren’t funny the first time over and over again

And Keeley’s just sitting there watching this like “Are you two fucking with me? I can’t believe you two got along long enough to plan whatever the fuck this is.” And honestly, the fact that she couldn’t imagine them ever getting along to plan this stupid joke and agree on it is the main reason she actually starts to believe them that time in an okay either I’ve completely lost it or you two are stuck in a time loop kind of way and when she starts going on about how every time loop movie there’s like a moral the person has to learn and maybe they’re both caught in it because they’re supposed to learn how to get along and be friends and Roy’s supposed to take Ted’s offer and that’s how Jamie finds out about the Ted trying to convince Roy to coach thing

But they’re both like fuck no absolutely not, that’s not it and I’d rather be stuck in this stupid fucking loop forever than voluntarily spend time with him let alone get along (as if Jamie hasn’t shown up to annoy him practically every version of the day and Roy hasn’t just been sitting there waiting for him every time) and then they actively avoid each other for like a week’s worth of versions of the same day before they start considering that Keeley might have been on to something but it still takes three more days of pointedly not seeking the other out and waiting for the other to give in first before they run into each other at Ted’s place anyway and finally start actually swapping information they’ve picked up from their loops and what they’ve tried changing to try to get out and discussing ways to try to get out of it while Ted’s just sitting there cracking jokes and making annoyingly similar to what Keeley said comments about how in time loop and body switch things it’s always that you have to learn to see things from another perspective and be nicer to someone you don’t usually see eye to eye with before you can get out (Ted doesn’t actually believe they’re stuck in a time loop though, he’s just going well weird hypothetical but I’ll play along if this almost certainly made up scenario is what it takes for them to have an actual conversation with each other)

[juss-soupp]

How The Lost Boys Find Their Mate

A/N : First fic/head cannon ! Thank you @silvermaplealder , @misslavenderlady , @ghoulgeousimmaculate , and anyone else who gave me the little push that I needed! <3

David

The moment he smelt something heavenly lingering in the air, he wasted no time following the trail. He knew that it was possible for vampires to come across their mate throughout their eternal life, but it wasn’t as simple as sweeping their mates off of their feet and hiding them away from the world.

Now that I think of it I’m pretty sure David would be the one out of the four who were most likely to kidnap their mates, but let’s just move on from that-

It didn’t take the platinum blonde too long to find out where the scent was coming from- and the moment he set his eyes on you, it was signed, sealed, and delivered that you were his. No ifs, ands, or buts.

David wasn’t the type to take risks. Now that he was positive that you were his mate, he saw nothing wrong with taking you away and waiting for the Stockholm syndrome to kick in. Even his is inner vampire encouraged it- but he resented for now.

David would start off by simply approaching you, making small talk. He would probably say something along the lines of “it’s dangerous to be all alone in a town like this.” He would use whatever sweet talk or charm that he had in him to make you fond of him.

He would even go as far as bringing you gifts, cash he stole from his victims, or just anything that you liked. Bro is a certified sugar daddy- glucose guardian, if you will.

David would most likely initiate everything first, asking you to accompany him or go on a little bike ride with him. Being able to walk with you on the boardwalk allowed the public eye to see that you were affiliated with him, meaning that you couldn’t be messed with.

If some surfer nazi decided to be brave one night and pull a few moves, let’s just say that David would make sure it was the last thing they ever did.

It wouldn’t take him too long to reveal what he was to you and the bond that you both shared. David would take his time, but wouldn’t waste time either. He would have planned everything out- and would chose his words carefully. He couldn’t have you running around screaming that he and his brothers were vampires.

He would even bring up the fact that you could also be like them- and would heavily recommend it. Being able to change meant that he wouldn’t have to worry about you getting hurt, and the mate bond between you two would only grow stronger.

The other three boys would most definitely tease David for how whipped he was for you- and would end up in a bad mood. Nothing you couldn’t solve, tho <3

Dwayne

The moment he first saw you, Dwayne wouldn’t immediately approach you as quickly as David would.

He wanted to see what made you tick- wanted to know what sort of things you liked. Whether it be books, movies, food, places- he wanted to know if all before he full on approached you.

In this time, he acted somewhat like a protector- a guardian Angel. If someone started to approach you, say a Surfer Nazi, one mean glance from Dwayne would make them reconsider.

Of course, Paul and Marko thought it was funny as hell. Dwayne the jolly green giant had finally found the one and was pretty much stalking them. David would be indifferent about it. He wouldn’t see it as a huge deal, but would be content that one of his brothers had found their mate. (#we stan david)

It would probably be weeks before Dwayne finally approached you- but once he did, his suave way with words and his gentlemanly demeanor would practically win you over. I mean cmon- you and I both know it would.

He would teach you how to skateboard- even would patch you up if you had an accident. Husband material.

Dwayne would also lift you up if you struggled to reach for something or if you couldn’t see something- like at the beach concert or at Max’s video store if you wanted to look at a movie on the top shelf. He liked to see you blush, so he would do anything in his power to make you swoon all over again.

If he shows you the cave, he would sit with you on a couch or something and would read a book- simply comforted by your presence. Bonus points if you play with his hair because.. yes.

If you took a liking to Laddie, he himself would swoon. Anytime you would play with him or help him with anything- Dwayne wouldn’t be able to hide his contentment.

Once he reveals to you what exactly he and his brothers are, he would be somewhat nervous. He didn’t want to lose you- and he had worked so hard to gain your interest and affection. Just give this man a hug :(

Dwayne would mention how you would be able to change to be like him- but didn’t force you into it. You were the best thing that would ever happen to him, and he would rather drive a steak through his own heart rather than to cause you grief. (It’s giving romeo and Juliet-)

Also- he would buy you snacks and food and leave little romance poetry around for you to find during the day when he couldn’t be with you. You would have him absolutely wrapped around your finger.

Paul

Honestly- Paul would most likely accidentally come across his mate. He would probably be running around in the mosh pit at the beach concert area and bump into you or something like that.

He would bump into you and simply apologize- but would do a double take. AWOOGAAAA

He wouldn’t yell at the top of his lungs that you were his mate and that he was a vampire- but he would follow you around like a lost puppy and bother you until you agreed to hang out with him.

He was very persistent, and had no intentions of giving up anytime soon. It’s not like it’s everyday that you find the love of your eternal life.

If you liked the same music that he likes, he would rant about his music taste and gift you a bunch of stolen CD’s and records. Bro was trying his best out here.

Paul would most definitely offer to have a smoke session with you. You and Paul would also most likely be the terror couple to his brothers. When you two were around- no one would get any sort of peace and quiet. He would either be frantically rambling about something random or laughing his ass off cause you coughed when you hit a joint.

Despite his antics, he would try and be understanding whenever you feel upset or sad about something. He has the attention span of a fish, but would do anything for you.

Once he revealed what he was, he would act like it wasn’t such a big deal. He thought it was cool, actually. I mean- who wouldn’t want to party for the rest of their life?

If you thought so too, he would offer to change you. If you didn’t want to immediately turn into a vampire, he would simply go on with his night.. but would eventually keep asking until you agreed. He would miss not being able to listen to music with you or going to concerts with you.

Paul is definitely a fan of PDA. He has to have an arm around your waist or a hand in the back pocket of your jeans- just making sure to let everyone know that you were taken.

Paul would most definitely get into lots of fights over you. If someone spoke about you in a bad way- or lord forbid someone touch you- he would go feral. In private or public- it would go down right then and there. Someone get this dog a leash-

But for real though, Paul is caring in his own way. He likes to have fun, and likes spending time with you.

Marko

Marko is a little funky guy from the get-go.

He is an artisan- a lover of the arts. The curly haired Italian sought out people like him. When he isn’t causing trouble, he would be painting or sketching anything his brain could think of.

He would probably find you shopping on the boardwalk for art supplies or jewelry, and would comment about it and ask you about your hobbies. Once he was able to confirm that you were his mate, he would keep in touch.

He would coincidentally show up at art expo’s or the arts and craft shops at the right time- striking up conversations with you about anything he could think of.

If you were to compliment him about his jacket or his jewelry, it would be set in stone that he was going to have you.

Marko would ask you to be his muse (paint me like one of your French girls, Jack)- posing for paintings or would ask you for positive criticism on his work. It was nice to have someone around that appreciated something that he did and knew what they were talking about.

Marko rarely bought things from the boardwalk for gifts- because he thought that handcrafted things would hold more sentimental value. He would make you jewelry or even give you a jacket with patches all over it so the two of you could match.

Marko is probably the most cruel, besides David, out of all of his brothers. If someone were to get handsy, he would ensure that they would suffer. You were his, and he intended to keep it that way.

He would name and take care of the cave pigeons with you. He probably would name them all Marko Jr. , so you would most likely be left to name almost all of them.

He would eventually reveal to you what he was and what he had to do in order to survive, but made sure that you wouldn’t get scared or run away. He would let you observe his vamped out face, allowing you to be close with the monster that lurked within him.

Marko would most likely convince you to become a vampire somehow with the help of David. He couldn’t bare to lose you- because simply thinking about it made his cold blood boil.

Marko would cook human food with you- maybe like homemade bread or pizza (Mama Mia).

When he gets upset about something he will ramble in Italian until you are able to calm him down. A peck on the lips or a hug will do just fine.

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A/N : I hope that you all enjoyed! my asks are open if you want to see a certain head cannon or fic! Have a lovely day/night! <3

[boatboysrowout]

i am So Very Interested in the burger king vs mcdonalds au if you're willing to share more 👁️👁️

i'm so glad you asked

it's all grian's fault, of course. 'it'll be great if all my friends got a summer job around the same place!' he said. 'it'll be fun hanging out on our lunch breaks!' he said. 'this is a genius idea, nothing will go wrong!' he said.

it goes wrong in less than a day.

it all starts with scar's job application getting rejected from burger king. he takes this very personally, as the man who interviews him is grian's friend who had just been hired the day before, and scar had been assured he would get an easy in. ren, however, didn't like how many questions scar was asking about their ice cream machine and where their security cameras were placed.

so out scar goes, sulking his way through a successful interview to work at the white castle down the road, joining bdubs and cleo. the rest of grians friends end up scattered in shops around the two restaurants with varying degrees of satisfaction with their summer jobs.

grian, as he is wont to do, waffles around a bit before committing to a job. he's pretty sure he's going to join bigb at the library, but before he decides, he goes to pay scar a visit to make sure he's still not sulking about the burger king fiasco.

that, too, is a mistake.

grian doesn't know what happened. he swears he just meant to stop in and say hi. and maybe play a little prank! just a funny little joke! only he didn't realize how much hair spray bdubs uses and how flammable that made his hair, and really, how could grian have known that the second after he fled the scene of his crime, scar would walk in at the exact wrong moment holding a lighter, making him look like the guiltiest motherfucker on earth?

it's absolutely not his fault.

but.

now scar is out of a job again, and he's gotten it in his head that the only way to get his revenge on ren is to work at the mcdonalds across the street from the burger king and, to quote scar, "make him regret not taking my offer." and listen. this is the third job scar's had in two days. it kind of feels a little bit like grian's responsibility to make sure he doesn't get fired from this one too. but it'll be fine. what else could go wrong?

so much. so, so much.

scar almost immediately goes off the rails. he creates his own customer rewards program in which he refuses to serve a customer if they don't pledge their undying loyalty to the mcdonalds in exchange for scar certified McReputation points. this somehow is remarkably successful despite grain's repeated warnings that this is a scam- scar pulls some strings and grian is forced into kitchen duty after he tries to warn one too many customers. martyn and ren catch word of this and try institute a similar program, albeit to a much less successful degree. scar, however, cannot let that stand.

grian also cannot let that stand, but this is more due to martyn coming over every day during his lunch break and annoying grian by telling increasingly convoluted jokes all ending with a punchline relating to the mcdonald's broken ice cream machine.

so that afternoon grian and scar pay the burger king a visit. scar goes up to the front counter and gives ren and martyn the longest sales pitch of his life, something about cereal, and while they're distracted grain climbs through the drive through window and smashes their ice cream machine with a baseball bat.

that's the beginning of the end.

ren takes the attack way too personally. he gets naked, makes martyn crown him with a shitty cardboard crown, dubs himself the burger king, and declares war on the mcdonalds.

he and martyn set out to recruit for their army amongst the rest of their friends in the area to varying degrees of success. they first go to visit joel in his art shop, but quickly decide to leave after the first thing they hear upon walking in is a conversation in the back room in which someone appears to be blackmailing joel over something in the basement.

they decide to try impulse and tango down at the arcade, and both of them are so confused by ren's sales pitch they just agree to make him go away (they do the same thing when scar and grian visit them a few hours later).

ren and martyn's visit to the white castle is the worst yet. instead of walking in and recruiting bdubs and cleo with their impassioned speech and thirst for justice, the burger king and his hand walk into an active warzone.

there's smoke everywhere. bdubs is screaming. martyn swears he hears a gun go off. cleo is cackling. someone runs past them entirely engulfed in flames. as ren and martyn make a hasty retreat etho cheerfully greets them from his seat on a bench outside the building, tinkering with something that looks suspiciously like a pipe bomb.

they decide to take a break from recruiting after that.

meanwhile, scar and grian have been busy. they've recruited jimmy and scott from the florists down the road to launch a yelp smear campaign against the burger king, tanking them from a respectable 3.8 stars to 1 star in an afternoon. to a normal human being, this would mean nothing, but they text a screenshot of this to martyn and ren with the caption 'this u?'

martyn and ren have never once reacted to anything normally or proportionality in their life.

skizz, one of their regulars, also takes great offense to this. he insists that this is a devastating blow against the burger king's honor, and vows to get revenge.

no one's sure exactly how he does it, but within an hour he manages to trace one of the bad reviews back to jimmy and promptly doxes him, getting him fired due to the content of his surprisingly popular google+ account.

scar and grian, after laughing hysterically for an hour over the fact that jimmy was a google+ influencer, continue their reign of terror over the burger king by taking a selfie of them next to the burger king drive through menu, which they somehow have relocated to the roof of the mcdonalds.

it's the last straw for ren.

decked out in a red cape made of the burger king curtains and armed with a spatula and the fury of a thousands suns, ren marches across the street to the mcdonalds and challenges scar and grian to a winner-takes-all duel.

a crowd begins to gather, with nearly everybody grian knows save for the people involved in what has been dubbed the white castle war, forming a loose arch behind ren and martyn as they begin to chant for a fight.

grian and scar, who came outside to see what all the commotion was about, both predictably panic at the sight of two men in capes charging towards them backed by a crowd chanting for blood. grian tries to claw his way back up the roof while scar, possessed by the spirit of apollo, does the only thing he can and chucks a potato at ren's head.

that potato hits ren square in the forehead and knocks him out cold.

the crowd goes silent.

martyn, thinking ren is dead, drops to his knees and cradles his unconscious body close to his chest and dramatically confesses his everlasting love, vowing to never leave ren's side and to never stop spreading the tale of ren's 'grey long and strong' bits.

grian, upon witnessing this, realizes to his abject horror that he also has gay feelings for his manager.

he has no idea what to do with these feelings, and the crowd is still chanting fight, and he's experienced a lot of stress and unexpected emotions in the last five minutes, so he really can't be blamed when he turns on his heel and punches scar in the face.

scar, surprised but absolutely willing to go along with it, punches grian back, and they begin beating the shit out of each other in the most pathetic fist fight a mcdonalds parking lot has ever witnessed.

meanwhile, there's police cars and fire trucks with sirens on speeding down the road past them, and someone in the crowd realizes 'oh shit are those all going to the white castle?'

so the crowd immediately abandons the world's worst fight to go see what the hell has been going down in the white castle.

it takes a bit, but, with martyn still confessing his love and sobbing over ren's unconscious body, grian finally manages to land a lucky hit and knocks scar out, sending him crumpling to the ground. for the second time that day, grian realizes with horror what he's done, and frantically tries to run to get a medic only to trip over scar's unconscious body and knock himself out as well.

The headline of the local newspaper the next morning reads as follows:

...anyone wanna ask me about my last life mall au