#not that i'm really expecting anyone to read my ramblings but don't wanna make it more difficult for anyone who might

[chochuuya]

tending to his wounds.

scenario with (a few) tr boys! ヾ(・ω・*)

"no... no it's okay," he reassures quietly.

he doesn't want to complain that you're being a little too rough with his wounds. he's already bothering you enough, he thought. still can't comprehend the fact that you're so nice to him, despite always getting into fights.

he can still remember the first time you tended to his wounds. his heart just flutters every time he thinks of the sweet memory.

you with him? it's almost like a black cat and golden retriever sort of situation. who's who? i don't even know.

"it's okay." you mocked him.

"liar. you're clearly hurt. always fighting and then asking me to patch you up. i already told you to not get into fights, babe. or maybe lessen it a little..?" you rambled on and on while cleaning up the wounds on his knuckles.

"i'm fine," he grumbled back. while it may be true that he's hurting, he's far too stubborn to admit it. he doesn't like showing his weaknesses to anyone, especially not someone as sweet as you.

his mind goes into a frenzy when he hears your pet name for him, causing him to turn an embarrassing shade of red.

"babe..?" he mutters under his breath.

you look up to him with an eyebrow raised. "what's wrong?"

"n-nothing." he quickly changes his facial expression so that he no longer looks all red and flustered. his heart rate immediately slows, although it is still pumping at a much faster rate than before.

"just thinking, that's all," he added.

you thought about it and quickly realized as you pressed your lips together and shutting your eyes in shame.

damn it. why and how did that slipped out?!

"shoot, sorry. it's a habit."

he didn't expect you to apologize. his eyebrows shoot up and he tilts his head slightly.

"sorry... for what exactly? calling me babe?" he asks curiously, taking in the fact that you, in fact, used a nickname for him.

"uh, yeah." you quickly stick on the bandaids and stand up from your chair.

"okay, all done!"

he notices that you don't look nearly as embarrassed as he is. this causes him to blush even harder and his face looks like a tomato. he watches you stand up, not really knowing how to react.

"wait, where are you going?" he asks quietly, not wanting you to leave.

"going home obviously, it's almost 5." you say nonchalantly as you put your backpack on.

"alright.." he mutters as his eyebrows furrow, watching you put your bag on. while he tries to contain his emotions, something slips out.

"do you maybe wanna hangout after school one day..?" he asks in what he thinks is a casual manner, but is actually full of nervous glances your way.

hm, maybe this is the start of something new. wink wonk

RINDOU, chifuyu, mitsuya, inui, BAJI, angry, akkun, draken, your fav ♡

please do not steal, copy, translate, repost to other sites or claim my writings as your own. plagiarism is real!

just imagining rindou acting this way makes my heart ache (-ω-、) i hope you enjoyed reading this~ reblogs & likes are always appreciated!! ♡

[devisopod]

Book of Bill Ramblings

If you don't want spoilers, I'd suggest you stop reading before the cut. This'll contain quotes from the book! I've avoided content and conversation about this thing like the plague, so I'm going in blind. This is gonna be a wall of text if you're on mobile. Have fun, if you're into that.

I'm gonna solve the ciphers by myself, so they won't be included here, it's more fun that way! This is all just my "analysis" or whatever you wanna call it.

|| PREFACE

I am an adult. I'm not here to argue or debate with anyone about the content of this book! I'm simply sharing my personal breakdown, so these opinions and statements are in no way meant to be taken as "the right way" to look at it. They're how I alone choose to view the text! I'm open to discuss it, if you want, like sane and civilized people. Heated arguments or grumblings fueled by the discontent that someone doesn't buy into the way YOU'RE perceiving a work of fiction is unwelcome.

Now.

Before I even had the book in my hand, I knew how I wanted to approach this. I had to keep in mind this is all meant to be written by the worst character in the series (from a narrative standpoint), and he isn't supposed to be pitied. So seriously obvious, I know, but it's THE most important factor to circle back to given ANY tidbit of information.

Since this is his point-of-view, which is such a skewed perspective to begin with, it's ultimately bound to be manic (and god was it). He's everything we already know him to be: out of his mind, a compulsive liar, a pro at manipulation, and literally so self-important. That's what makes it difficult to trust whether or not things that happened (or didn't happen) will be altered by his unstable state of mind.

I think I'd even go as far as to say that he's delusional in a lot of ways. No matter how smart he thinks he is, or objectively is, he's a highly flawed individual that is constantly sabotaging himself. And what's more, he doesn't CARE. Bill, while driven in his own right, is highly apathetic unless events or actions directly impact him significantly and negatively.

INITIAL AND UNCATEGORIZED THOUGHTS:

- Holy shit, it's like Bill prides himself on being some sort of "all-knowing" being, but he's really just a fat gossip.

- Bill says it and stresses it multiple times in this book that not only is reality not under your control, but you don't understand it. Only he understands it, and you're just too dumb. Nothing is real. But the universe is a hologram, and everything is also a multiverse. Dennis and Kyle hold our existence in a binder.

- As suggested, he is quite literally feeding you lies, and he's having fun doing it.

- So, Bill's kind of dead, but not really. He's existing in a "half life" state. "Descending through circles, battling demons, reliving [his] whole life... somewhere far away... where the music is always out of tune. Where everyone smiles but no one is happy". Sounds like a mall lmao.

Okay, we'll get into it. My back hurts.

1 || "SIXER, IT WOULD EAT YOU ALIVE."

Let me just start this by saying that Bill sees Ford as a possession. He spent a lot of time grooming him, so he feels HEAVILY entitled to Ford in an "I made you" sort of way. Which is just about as messed up as you'd expect it to be! Bill EXPECTS Ford to be okay with this and even functions under the assumption that Ford wants to belong to him, which is very likely a stem from how open to the relationship Ford was at the beginning. He's constant in sharing that he's grateful for Bill's influence and that it's made his life so much better.

That aside, Bill is repeatedly suggesting to the reader that people that hate him actually love him a lot. And it's so likely that some twisted line of love and being used was blurred between these two. I've said it before and I'll say it again: sharing a mind and a body with a seemingly god-like being is going to fuck you and your perspective UP, I don't care who you are.

After all, "the more people love you, the more brainwashed sheep you can bend to your whims! So CONQUERING HEARTS is one of the most important things you can do!"

While, Ford is an immensely strong-willed individual, he's so very weak to Bill's manipulation because Bill knows EXACTLY what he wants to hear. He's been learning and planning for this kind of thing for a very, very long time and using countless others to do so. So, his false loyalty and promises, though really suspicious to anyone else, appeal to Ford's ego and subconcious because they're specifically catered to him.

And this is where Bill thrives. He is extremely efficient at finding the selfishness within others and exploiting it because he is selfish. He doesn't care what happens as long as he reaches his goal. Any pain along the way isn't gonna be his, so why not just relax and enjoy it? And he's found his match: a "brilliant, morally ambiguous, and romantically challenged" individual. To him, Ford fits the bill (no pun intended), and no dumb Shaman is gonna scare him off this one. It's all a trick to keep him away from advancing his portal plans, right?

He emphasizes his excitement at the prospect of Ford's potential as a pawn by saying, "This is what a partner looks like. The ego of a king. The insecurity of a circus freak. And totally isolated from anyone who might steer him clear of my plans."

He's impressionable and gullible enough to follow him blindly in the name of discovery and arguably as a result of his alienation in the odd town that is Gravity Falls.

And that's where I think Bill's influence should be addressed. Bill's been whispering in Ford's ear, making his life easier, and "fixing" his problems by offering solutions that HE would use. That's the scary part, I think. Bill uses so many different types of flattery, even gives Ford a lot of confidence that he needs, which really feeds into Ford's trust.

2 || GUYS WITH BIG BRAINS GET ON MY NERVES

After seeing Stan on TV, selling the "Grifter", Ford starts to seem like he's having second thoughts about maybe calling Stan up. Bill is, naturally, quick to shoot this down by convincing him it's a waste of time.

With both Stan and Fiddleford, we see Bill kind of steering Ford away. It's clear Ford wants to be around both of them, but as Bill has already suggested, he wants to keep this one isolated. Ford's attention should ONLY be on him and the work that needs to be done. He's not gonna make the same mistakes he made with his previous puppets.

It's unclear whether Bill complicates things on purpose or not, but he certainly isn't interested in making them better.

As far as the relationship between Ford and Fiddleford is concerned (whether you view it as brotherly, romantic, or platonic), I think it had a lot of potential to bring Ford away from Bill, but Ford is just not equipped to be a solid and reliable partner at this stage of his life. He's too focused, too full of himself, and really desperate to fill the hole Stan left. Or maybe not desperate enough.

I've made this point before and I'll make it again: the vast majority, if not all of, the heavy lifting in the dynamic between Ford and Fiddleford IS DONE BY FIDDLEFORD. He is a very caring and loyal person, very much to a fault in this situation.

The Christmas gifts he makes Ford are very personal. Ford means a lot to Fiddleford, so much so that he doesn't see his family often and chooses to help with the research. Whether or not Fiddleford and Emma-May were already having issues can't be judged based on the information given, but it's possible that it plays a part in his absence. It seems like the most likely possibility to me, though. Fiddleford doesn't seem the type to just forget about something like that, especially exhibiting such a friendly and kind demeanor, so I'm willing to bet they were already having problems.

Ford, as I see it, very rarely goes out of his way to do things for Fiddleford, though. However, I will give him props for being good enough to cheer Fiddleford up after he returns from his family.

What I will say, is that Ford relies on Fiddleford a great deal, and I'm not entirely sure how healthy that is. Fiddleford is Ford's ONLY real friend, and definitely the only one not feeding him questionable advice.

Therapy.

3 || CUCKOO CLOCK

Therapy, right? Yeah.

Anyway, Bill REALLY gets after Ford when the whole portal thing goes south. And that's sure to be a hell of a time. Ford is put through immense pain physically and mentally during it all, and wow does it actually sound horrifying. Even during this aggressive and desperate scramble to get Ford to do his bidding, Bill is beating Ford down and trying his best to use his hardships against him while also trying to convince Ford that he needs Bill. He's got nobody else.

He tries everything: sabotage, threats, you name it. Even though Ford doesn't realize his wrongs entirely here, he still knows he has to do something to rectify all that he's done. And boy, does he wanna kill that triangle.

He even loses his mind just a little bit more about this time, grasping at straws and realizing how bad he fucked up.

But now, we skip ahead. Things are better. All that's passed.

The ending of this book was about as satisfying as I imagined it would be. The Pines family. Simple and clean. A thoughtful message from Ford, and some inserts from Mabel, Dipper, and Stan. Stan's message is probably my favorite, and rightfully so.

These four are what it's all about to me. Each sibling has the other, and they're all happy. Bill can't touch them anymore, no matter how much this book of his tries. They're smarter than he is, and it's because they don't intend to be divided by him ever again.

[jellazticious]

Meet this chucklefuck

His name is Pascal Short for Giuseppe Pascallis Jaleppino Edvard Stefano Dimitri Jaloro Pepperman-Spaghetti

That's right, you read the surnames correctly. He is a Pepperino fankid

ramble and more drawings under the cut if you managed to survive the first part

If I had a nickel for everytime I made fankids, I would have two. Which isn't a lot but it is weird that it happened twice.

And brother? I'm happy about it jsrgksrb

Pascal is a jaloro pepper and since his parents are so shit at naming him, they straight up put his pepper type as a name. but yes, they're a real thing and they're so cute. Jaloros are just yellow jalapenos

I also tried to make him simultaneously look like a pepper and a mango to complement how Pepperman looks like an apple. but also while drawing the sprite mock ups, I realized that at a certain pose he sorta looks like a pizza slice. I win either way bfsjbgksjr

He does not want to be an artist or a chef but he does have the inherited naturality of both which landed him a job as a barista. and of course, he could only work for one place which is the Noisette Cafe. It kinda gave him a little trouble getting hired cuz 1.) Peppino does not like how his son is about to work for his rival's girlfriend and 2.) Noisette is fucking terrified of Pepperman. You think she's gonna let his son who is one foot taller work for her 😭

But still, Noisette is way too kind that Peppino forgets why he has a problem with her and Pascal is way softer than both his dads surprisingly. It's ironic how Peppino and Pepperman are these barbarians of people and their kid ended up being the forestcore aestethic. He is never beating the allegations lmao, he's gonna be THAT softboy

But don't get me wrong, he can be a combination brutal and berserk when pissed off. He still has the same strength as his dads, mind you. Mostly Pepperman's brute and Peppino's street smarts

And their patience too.

People expect him to be as manly lol but like nahh he just wanna chill and be a nerd dork

And if anyone's wondering, it was obviously Pepperman who spawned him. In the human au tho? I have a perfect answer for that lmao. ahem

My Pepperman has and always been intersex lmao. That is it, that is all you need to know how Pascal can theoretically be made

Plants being plants man, they're really weird. Pepper is simultaneously mom, dad, uncle, and aunt lmao. Tho Pas calls him both mom and dad because it would be so fucking funny and he calls Peppino papi

He's very tender mostly cuz he did not inherit Pepperman's narcissism but he did inherit that kindness that Pepperman tries so hard to hide. And of course, Peppino's anxiety and impulses.

As a kid, Peppino is the brooding hen between him and Phil. He'd be the one who double checks triple checks if it's safe to let baby Pascal do his thing.

Pepperman on the other hand, he holds baby Pas like a rubber ball. Peppino tries not to get his kid killed because of how his wife holds it 😭

Oh also in a few of em, you can see little interactions with @beefy-the-stronk's Jude. They're simultaneously cousins and siblings. Also don't question it. Just imagine there's two Peppermans gbsjbgrksj

Also Gustavo is the godfather. I only had Pascal for three days but I would die for him

Anyway, if you made it this far, I thank you but alas. That is all for now bgjsbgjksr

[bookishdaze]

Anyways, I wish to ramble about Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes and the new trailer because these next 3 months are gonna be excruciating. Here we goooo.

Okay when I first saw this shot, the first thought crossing my mind was "Wow. Those eyes." These movies will once again have apes with prettier eyes than me, lol. They're blown so wide open here. It's so detailed and I love that the apes' expressions are more human-like. And I wonder why Noa is looking more visibly upset than his friends.

The way he rubs the little chimp's head is so cute! I love this. Sweet older brother vibes.

I just know Noa is thinking "this guy's not right in the head." This is the face I make when I want to crawl away from a conversation with someone making me feel really uncomfortable.

He's shouting "PULL!" here. Later in the trailer we see apes pulling at chains at the same time. Are they trying to build a ship? (Noah's ark, anyone?) Open a bunker door to access tech? What are they doinggggg?

Took me way too long to realize the mural is depicting an astronaut.

People are saying this is her Statue of Liberty moment. I personally don't even think she is an astronaut tbh. I notice she is crying while looking through the telescope. I don't think it's because she is learning she is stuck hundreds of years into the future. I think she could be sad about humanity's downfall. Or she just thinks the stars are pretty and is overwhelmed. Or she's got dust in her eye, lol. I think in this scene Noa and Mae will share some fascination with the cosmos or something.

This scene is so sweet! He's shyly giving her a blue sweater here. I cannot wait to see their dynamic play out.

Anyways, I'm putting on my tinfoil hat and calling it now, I think there is a SLIM possibility we'll get weird romantic undertones. But like. That's it. I'm not saying anything explicit. But likeeeeeeeee this idea has been toyed with since the 60s in the novel between Ulysse and Zira. I recently read the book and rewatched all 9 movies and I'm surprised at the unusual amount of romance. So there's a precedent. That's all I'm saying. Alrighty carrying on, lol.

I think the ape elder Noa speaks with (Koro, I think?) dies here while Noa is falling off one of those phone towers his clan lives in. Rip.

We are FINALLY getting more female apes. Two at the forefront, and I think I see a few in the background. Which was my one nitpick in the Caesar trilogy. I expected the lack of girls in the originals, but in the more modern ones? Cmon.

Now I'm just waiting on a female orangutan and gorilla, please 🙏

Also, remember the blue sweater he gives Mae? I think I see it on the ground. What happened here? I notice Noa is caught in a net trying to reach his spear. I think Mae fell in the water because of the concept art we've been shown. Can apes swim? I sure hope so.

And there's so much more I wanna talk about, but I'll let my thoughts rest and go to bed. It's getting late.

[rjschoicesstuff]

Choices fandom appreciation shoutouts

This event is so so so lovely and I really want to join in hehe. I'm not great at expressing my thoughts/feelings and stuff but I really wanna try because I'm really thankful for all of u guys!! :)

When I first posted on this account last summer I honestly expected I'd probably post a few things and dip again because I usually don't get much attention on social media platforms. And also wasn't sure if anyone would really vibe with my approach to characters and stories hahaha 🙈.

But instead people were so nice and I felt so welcomed and like 'oh wow people seem to actually enjoy what I do??' And I had so much fun reading the tags left on reblogs of my art and stuff. And alongside that it has been soooo fun to see everyone elses posts and characters and leaving my thoughts on those as well (and slowly getting less shy about it too 💪). And I even started reading fanfic for the first time in my life hahaha.

I feel like I'm rambling but I just really want to say all this haha, it's been so fun being on here! I love drawing everyone's characters and other requests and will keep doing that (like pleeaase dont be shy, I love drawing everyone's characters) because it's fun and it's also kinda how I say 'thank you' for all being so nice to me!! So yeah thank you all for making me feel so welcome the past months! :)

Especially as someone who usually has trouble making friends and putting myself out there due to shyness it means a lot!

Under the cut I'll also put some messages directed at separate people, I'm fighting the lil voice in my head that's shy about this but you guys all deserve to hear it hehe, even if I'm kinda ass at expressing myself like this

But even if not mentioned/tagged I appreciate everyone who supports me/my work so much and I love seeing you guys in my notes!!

@lovealexhunt In the short time I've been here I've noticed you do so much for people and this fandom! I've loved all the fics you wrote that I read so far and love how you write Mal and Daenarya together (and the vampire au OOOO). She's so fun and I loved drawing her interacting with Ripley and will definitely do it again sometime!! And I'm also still so obsessed with the geometric Ripley art and I thought it was so sweet of you to draw that for me aaaa

@lilyoffandoms I always love seeing your art on my tumblr feed and your designs for your mc's!! And I'm still sooo in love with the Ripley drawing you did and that really made my day back then because it was a total surprise too!! In general all the art you've done of my characters has just been awesome and made my day every time!!

@choicesmc I love what you do with all your mc's, when you make picrews for them, the artworks I've seen you do for them and all the info you share about them, you're so so creative!! I love all your writing a lotttt, especially the shorter ones you've been posting lately!! I rly enjoy talking to you in dm's a lot, if it ever seems like I don't it's just me being shy haha 😭. I also love the tags you leave when you reblog my art and when you point out stuff you notice :)

@sapphoschoices Thank you for so often sharing my posts!! And in general always supporting people and sharing their work! I love all the edits I've seen you do and hope you'll keep sharing more hehe. I also read a fic by you for the first time last week and really enjoyed it! Made me wanna replay Desire & Decorum..

@rosesnink Thank you for letting me borrow your mc's a few times when I wanted to draw interactions! I had so so much fun writing back and forth about Rex and Brienne after I posted the art of them together hehe, I always love to see other people with orc mc's in general. I also really like the gif edits you make and your fics I've read so far!

@aria-ashryver You were one of the first people in the fandom who started sharing and commenting on my art and thanks to that I ended up not just  posting a few things and dipping forever like I expected hahah. I always really enjoy reading through the tags you leave on the art I post!! I finally caught up to SICSIG a while ago and it was sooo fun seeing what you did with Immortal Desires and all the extra lore and stuff and I can so clearly tell so much love went into it. And your sprite edits are also always so amazing aaaa.

@cadybear420 Thank you for often sharing my posts I really appreciate it hehe. And thank you for letting me draw your mc's a few times, I had sm fun with it haha. And it was really fun talking about Ripley and Evie interactions. I really enjoy your edits, you're so skilled aaa!! I also enjoy reading about your mc's a lot + how you write gnc characters and gnc m×f romance.

@gaiuskamilah I loveeee your art a lot and love seeing it on my feed!! I also really enjoy reading your thoughts on books, characters, themes in books etc. You make me wanna replay BloodBound so bad (and I definitely will do that soon)

@hsslilly-blog I'm sooo obsessed with your art you have no idea. You're rly funny and I rly enjoy seeing your posts on my feed. I really really love how you write characters, like they just feel so real, it's super inspiring!

@mydemonsdrivealimo I really really enjoy your art and everything you share about Jensen and Bryce. You're like  The Bryce Mutual to me, anything you say about him is basically canon to me lol. Thank you for letting me draw Jensen a while ago it was SO fun aaaa

@peonyblossom

Thank you for the cover redraw ideas you sent when I asked for ideas, I had sooo much fun drawing the Alpha cover with Kalani and Channing!! I enjoy the bits you share about your mc's and oc's a lot too!

@choicesfandomappreciation

[blubushie]

Yikes, reading some of these messages hit a little too close to home.

I'm a trans man, and my relationship with masculinity has been more rocky as recently. I started T and realized I have much more dysphoria than I realized because I was ignoring it. And I've experienced my fair share of transphobia.

I've had classmates say (jokingly, I know) that I'll start becoming entitled, and a misogynist because I started T. In a university level queer studies class, they all had certain distaste for men. The expectation was that they would shut up and not talk over the woman's experiences (to be fair, I was one of 2 men in that class). Even one of my closest friends has issues with hating men that I've meant to bring up (I'm the exception because I'm trans and don't really look like a man most of the time). But I've always brushed it off, saying that "trans women have it worse" or "this is what I get for becoming the 'enemy'".

It took me a long time to even admit I was trans because I know that men were "the enemy" and I was betraying people by becoming one.

That anon who said that he didn't want to become a Twink, oof I relate to that. It wasn't until I got into TF2 that I realized what kind of form I wanted (Engineer and Soldier being major players in this realization).

You are the only one I've ever really seen talking about masculinity. Like ever, and I've been in queer spaces for a very long time. It's comforting to know that my struggles are real. And aren't being brushed off as "well xxxx have it worse." (I know. I know other trans people have their struggles and should not be treated as irrelevant. I know that. But I never see anyone talking about masculinity. It's treated as a disease almost).

I'm rambling, but I guess I just wanted to say thanks. I rarely talk to anyone on the Internet, content to just observe, but you've really made me feel seen. So thank you

I don't wanna be the one to break it to you, but if someone says they hate men and say you're an exception because you're trans or don't look enough like a cis man, it's because they're transphobic and don't see you as a "real" man. And that will change when you start passing and getting clocked as male, and it'll especially change when you express any joy in what testosterone is doing to your body or any joy in being perceived as male. You're most likely an exception because they don't see you as a man yet even though you are one.

Additionally I don't know how long you've been out, but since you're just starting on T, this means people have probably been clocking you and IDing you as female most of your life. Which means you have every right to discuss women's issues and misogyny because you have been subjected to misogyny. NO ONE gets to just erase your lived experiences growing up in a female body and being subjected to misogyny just because you are now openly identifying as male.

And we don't choose our gender. We're born this way, remember? You're betraying no one by "becoming" a man because you were born a man. At most you're making a choice to change your body to ease the symptoms of an illness—gender dysphoria—and I don't see anyone copping shit with depressed people for taking antidepressants. You're not on some random drug, you are specifically on a medication to treat an illness that you have. If people don't like that because of what variant of that illness you have, they can get fucked. They are not worth your time.

You are 100% valid in your experiences and feelings. I'm glad that I can offer a safe space for you to speak about those things.

Also, if I can suggest, it might do you some good to join a club of some kind with a lot of men where you can see masculinity be celebrated in a positive light instead of demonised. I'm not sure if you're into hunting or fishing, but those are my best suggestions. An archery club, a hunting club, a fishing club, etc. Hang out at your local bait shop looking like a sad puppy and some old fart'll find you and invite you fishing.

Chookas, mate. Keep your chin up. You're doing fine.

[transgamerthoughts]

a night at poe's masquerade

Last night I made a quick tweet about how I think Persona games (particular from Persona 3 onwards) tend to be fundamentally conservative games. In worlds filled with magic powers, shadow selves, and literal gods there's an understanding that many of the most villainous people you can know are folks in positions of social/political power who weaponize their status in order to prey on those beneath them. This is a particular focus of Persona 5 but it extends even back to back to a game like Persona 2 and characters like Tatsuzou Sudou. Although these games acknowledge the social structures that lead to particularly vicious kinds of abuse, there is tendency for our protagonist to then fold themselves into those power structures. In games that focus less on real-life political allegory, there's still pattern of protagonists eventually accepting the societal roles that they're initial chafing against. It's a very common occurrence in the series. clockwork!

Persona 4 is the chief culprit here. Yukiko struggles with the idea that her presumed inheritance of the Amagi Inn is an imposition on her life but makes peace with that fact and eventually prepares herself for that role. Chie confronts Adachi, shocked that anyone who chose to be a police officer would do so for selfish reasons or betray the ideal image she holds of that job. Though confronted with the ways in which the system enabled Adachi's murders, she ultimately decided that she wants to become a police officer. Just as some examples. there's more. it's a fraught game in many ways

(I'm not gonna talk about Naoto. That's a minefield. as a trans critic people ask what I think about Naoto quite often. my answer is I like Naoto quite a bit and while I appreciate the queer read I don't need her story to be actually about transness. my tongue in cheek deep position here is that I think she's the damn coolest thing in the Dancing All Night opening movie. absolute fire!)

Persona fans are totally reasonable human beings. by which I mean that they might be the most electric and fuckin' absurd fandom I've ever encountered. While some people agreed with my read of the series, many others swarmed in. Which is fine enough. That's just what happens when you're visible on Twitter. I don't really have an interest in outlining the series in gross detail although, contrary to many accusations, I have played all the mainline games. One thing that can never be hurled my way is a suggestion that I don't play videos games. This criticism doesn't arise out of nowhere though I admit I didn't exactly expect it to become a trending topic floating in the "For You" tab. I was tweeting before bed.

Lesson learned! this fandom is wild! So it goes!

I've been thinking about people's responses and I want to venture into fraught territory to talk about a particularly bad habit I see from many fans. Which I think can be extended to things like ongoing debates about localization as much as they can apply to this little tempest in a teapot. Which is that I've grown somewhat concerned with he ways in which RPG fans (intentionally or not) exoticize Japan as a means to defend their favorite games from critique. It's kinda bad!

and I'm gonna risk a ramble exploring the topic… and I wonder how tumblr in 2024 will compare in reaction to hellscape of twitter

Something you often encounter in these discussions is an implication (sometimes a direct suggestion) that it is impossible to really engage with Japanese media as a westerner. That there's too many layers of nuance and too many centuries of ingrained tradition for anyone who has not engaged in lengthy study on the topic to penetrate. Often, this is framed as a desire to simply put things in cultural contexts. respect it and give due seriousness! Which is fine. I absolutely think if you wanna talk about something like the portrayal of the Japanese justice system in Judgement, it probably helps to… y'know… know details about the Japanese justice system. If you want to talk about how a game approaches gender, an understanding of certain social mores is important. No one debates this; it's important to understand art as arising from specific material conditions and places.

This is not really the approach people take however. Instead there is an insistence that the cultural difference between Japan and western nations is essentially insurmountable. Which has some bad implications. I think people are well meaning when they're like "hey, you gotta watch this YouTuber talk about Shintoism and JRPG boss fights for over an hour" but it comes at the cost of painting the culture as something of a puzzle to solve. and make no mistake: I'm glad anyone is doing the work but there's a bit of strangeness at play when folks are like "well you're American" and then tell me to watch criticism also made by Americans. especially since I do have a educational background that includes the study of world religions. i've studied plenty of this! and it's not impossible for me to have grasped.

the world is beautiful and nuanced and specific and full of vibrancies. but these things are not so singular that we can't connect with them or come to know them. and those nuances and specifics and vibrances don't create a protective ward around works. if anything, they're invitations to explore something new. if I walk away from Persona with a position that you don't agree with I promise that it's not something that's happened in haste. It used to be my job to think about games. and I've thought about Persona a lot! it's not inaccesible.

When we start to paint a culture as being particularly foreign we inherently exoticize it. We drape a degree of mystery over it which implies there is no universal connections found in art. Of course the concept of "police" is different in Japan to some extent as is the expectations that go into inheriting a family business. yes, the social nuances of a classroom differ. But Japan is not so alien to the western critic that we can't look at popular fiction and spot patterns. I certain don't need a 17 anime consumer to write me an essay on honne and tatemae or whatever in order to understand what's going on in the Midnight Channel. It's an easily observable truth that Persona often identifies issues within Japan society while also (particularly in Persona 5's case) concluding that these problems are not a consequence of specific power structures but rather moral failings of certain bad individuals. That's the text. Even when it wants to suggest otherwise.

Here's a little snippet from Persona 5. On face value, it seems to contradict what I'm saying. "Harper, how can you say that it only cares about individuals when it outright says that society itself needs to be addressed!?" DO YOU EVEN PLAY THESE GAMES YOU BITCH?! The answer is that the game does not have a model or idea of what it means to change society except vaguely to inspire people to more individual action. be nicer. stand up for yourself, speak your truth, do things for your own reasons. which has a radical element to it in the context to be sure but we've spent a huge portion of the game seeing how the abuse of power, particularly power placed in certain positions and social strata

a change of mindset is good but… is that sufficient? I'm not entirely convinced. not if this game want to truly deliver on everything it has explored. (side note, a lot of folks were like "why are you focusing on p5 so much here?" and the answer is that it's recent, representative of the series' values from the last decade or so, and because I'm a tired adult in their 30s who has stuff to do and isn't obligated to make a 300 tweet long thread breaking down multiple scripts. if you want me to do that labor, you better pay me for my time. otherwise I don't care to appease fan who have no plans of truly entertaining what I'd do anyway. no breakdown I do could please them)

but you fight Yaldabaoth Harper! You kill the collective gestalt representative of the status quo!. okay sure but the metaphorical battle falters as the game ultimately imagines many of our heroes (for instance Makoto, who also decides to become a cop even after her sister leaves the profession to become a defense attorney) are content to slide into the power structures as they exist. they've simply become "good apples" in the same basket that held the bad ones What does it matter if you kill the metaphor when you don't carry through elsewhere? It's not simply some vague human desire to be exploited that created the various monstrous villains we face throughout the game. There's real material circumstances, systems and long-held powers that gave them the carte blanche that enabled their abuses! Be they financial, political, or even sexual.

We might layer nuances on top of this of course. Notions of reticence to change or valuing of tradition, attitudes towards elders. But when we do so it's important be careful. When fans imply impenetrabilities in the works by virtue of cultural difference, there's a risk of veering into a kind of Orientalism. One which mystifies the culture and turns it into a kind of "other." Distant, strange. This sometimes comes paired with a kind of infantilization of creators but that's a different though similarly fraught topic that I think is particularly best left in the hands of the creators themselves. I'm not the person to talk about that!

Nevertheless, a frustrating part of the response to my tweet today has been a rush to say "This work functions that makes it necessarily elide your ability to critique it."

I'll be an ass and generalize. It's mostly people with Persona avatars making this suggest. That Persona, as a Japanese work, is imbued with an ineffable quality that magically allows it to side-step what's ultimately a pretty timid conclusion. Many of these folks are younger players, self-identified as such in profiles, who clearly have a deep connection to the series. It means something to them. But I'd rather they simply say "hey, I found this thing particularly moving at an important moment in my life" rather than conjure an impassable ocean between myself (or really anyone) and the work in the event they find flaws.

Otherwise, you just get this:

Stories are not merely about what happens on the journey. The destination does matter. It means something when the king grabs his shining sword and fights off the orc invaders or whatever. A value system is suggested Similarly, it does means something when Chie becomes a cop. (This is just a shorthand example mind you! But you hopefully get the idea!)

I don't think games or any work of art need us to defend them. The trap of fandom is that you often turn to any possible means to justify what you love. For Persona, a series which does have the decency to explore cultural issues, that same cultural specificity is often weaponize by fans (largely western fans even!) to deflect certain problems. This process inadvertently portrays that culture as a mystery, a shrouded thing that we cannot ever criticize. It's one thing to dig into some of those contextual specifics but it's another all-together to imply these specifics provide a mean to abrogate certain analyses. and I think navigating the line between due deference and something deeper and stranger seems to be something many of the fans reacting to me... have not managed. I had a peer talk to me about this situation and their feeling was that the animated members of the fandom that were coming at me, many of whom are self-identified as young and western, were kinda treating Japan like it was a land of elves. which it's not! it is a place on Earth and yes we need to take strides to understand and respect certain specificities... but we can't mystify an entire people. especially if the purpose is to turn those people and their culture into a shield. a means to justify and validate the specialness you see in a franchise.

I call Persona conservative because it cannot imagine a world in any other shape that what we have right now. God dies but nothing actually changes. I don't think it's enough to say "well, they defeated the god! and they needed the collective strength of society to do it! people did change because without that change of heart, the heroes wouldn't have the magical juice to fight the Kabbalah monster!" to toss Makoto's words back at the series: victory against a single god is meaningless if the true enemy is society.

If you can't show me what that grand spiritual change means for society, then I think you've kinda failed. you've certainly failed if the conclusion is that the world after that change is functionally the same and it doesn't really matter to me if "they talk about this in Strikers or whatever" because you can't offload your thematic snarls to side games. if the main stories you tell can't resolve this tension, that's a problem. these are often very beautiful games. they certainly have amazing structure and systems. but I don't think it's controversial to say they often hedge their bets at the end. and there's no impenetrable cultural wall surrounding the games that leaves the criticism off the table.

that's just What Happens. and it's fine for us to acknowledge flaws in even in things that contain beauty or meant something to us

really. it's fine.

[dontlookheswatching]

I wanna randomly ramble about my main au regarding ships real quick.

TRIGGER WARNING, PLEASE NOTE THAT I MENTION THINGS LIKE ABUSE, RAPE, ALCOHOL AND DRUG ABUSE!! Please don't read if these things upset you! I want everyone to be safe, so if any of this is triggering, this is to tell you to scroll by!

I'm a multishipper, I've stated this on my blog before, I ship practically everything if I see it a certain way. But lore wise when it comes to my blog, relationships are specific. I might post a relationship chart one day, but basically, I have main ships, and then I have like a billion little side ships I enjoy but they wont make a big appearance on this blog unless they're random doodles unrelated to the lore, or part of a ramble or reblog. Im gonna list examples of each so people know what to expect in future posts where some of these ships are featured. If you want to unfollow me for some of these, I'm not stopping you, I'd highly encourage doing so if any of these ships make you uncomfortable, because I don't want anyone to stay on my blog if it brings discomfort.

Several main ships I have that'll be featured perhaps the most are ones like Jeff x Ben, which if not already obvious is the main relationship that'll be focused on. Another is Tim x Toby, they're both adults in my au, I do not support pedophilia whatsoever and if need be I have aged up characters to avoid this. Lastly, I have Liu x Eyeless Jack. I honestly dont know why I started shipping it but its really cute to me and it stuck and they're very dear to me. These three are perhaps the ships that'll be featured the most, but I'm having a brain fart like always and I'm already forgetting my own ships-😭

These are ships that'll be in the blog as well but they aren't as big and focused on. A example to start off with is Jane x Clockwork. I know, canonly, Jane is married to Mary, and I love that, but this is my own personal au so things are different, although in my heart Jane and Mary are definitely on top, and I might do doodles of them from time to time. Another example is Nina x everyone. No, not literally. She just has crushes that come and go ALL the time, and she flirts with everyone, so often to where no one questions it anymore. She had a Jeff arc and got over him and now she's living her life how SHE wants to. A few more include Nurse Ann x Judge Angels, Hobo Heart x Cody/X-Virus, Lost Silver x Glitchy Red, Jason the Toymaker x The Puppeteer, and Kate x Rogue. I have many more, but for now, I'm gonna explain the ones already listed since a few might seem really random. For Angels and Ann, Im just gonna admit, I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers or people who act like they hate each other but they secretly love each other deep down. For Hobo and Cody, in my au, they're both huge loners, and we're paired in a mission once. It was very awkward but the more they talked the more they realized they had a lot in common. I love them. Theres more lore to the reason I've paired Silver and Red together, but to sum it up, Silver had a massive crush on Ben, but Ben has his eyes set on Jeff and didn't return the feelings, and I didn't want Silver to be sad and alone his whole life, plus, they're dynamic is adorable. Sad pessimistic person x person who has seen whats under the sadness and admires them anyways. For Jason and Puppeteer, i saw a cosplay with them on tiktok and I couldn't help myself, I caved immediately. And lastly for Kate and Rogue I realized their characters have several things in common and I realized they'd probably get along pretty well.

Now, for side ships, I won't give an explanation, this ramble is already longer than planned. Im just gonna throw them out there with no context. EJ x Ben, Ben x Lost Silver, Nina x Kate, Tim x Brian, Tim x Jay, Jay x Alex(Yes some other marble hornet characters may be featured in the blog or in doodles), Jessica x Amy, Toby x EJ, Liu x Ben, and many MANY more, too many to state here.

Now that its out there, I wanna real quick talk about something I've reblogged a few days ago. Just because they're bad people who have done bad things, it doesn't mean they dont deserve love or happiness. Plus, the majority of these creeps were people who were wronged time and time again until they were pushed over the edge, it probably definitely wasn't something they had planned out since they were like 3. Now, despite this, some of them definitely aren't the best lovers to have, like Jeff, because again, these are murders and deranged killers. This is a super dark confession but theres A LOT of lore between Ben and Jeff in my au where things were AWFUL for them because Jeff couldn't get a grip on himself for the longest time. He's not like that anymore, and things are MUCH better for the both of them, but they definitely had an era in their relationship where things were beyond toxic. Beyond toxic as in Jeff was incredibly abusive, physically and mentally, and had a MAJOR alcohol addiction, and even proceeded to get Ben addicted to drugs at some point, sometimes going as far as raping him when he did not give consent. I won't give away too many details, but I will say, again, this is in the past and they've both healed over their traumas and managed to get through it together, and are in a much better state(A lot of breaking up and getting back together happened throughout this 'toxic era' though, and even after healing, theres still minor problems that I will not elaborate, they will be found out throughout the blog and maybe hints in some doodles.) But this is a good example of what a realistic relationship in this fandom with Jeff might look like. But just because people are deranged and definitely not mentally stable, it doesn't mean they can't try to change, and it definitely doesn't mean they dont deserve love unless they're as bad as Jeff was but with no intentions to change.

Im always happy to further explain any of this, but I will not tolerate harassment for the things I like. But anyways yeah thats my whole thing on ships im gonna go cry over my broken apple pencil now

-Max❤

[foresthyena]

Wenclair fic I'm making!

A broken glass and glue

Tw: for this one, panic attack

Charcters: Enid, Wednesday,Thing shows up, Wednesday parents are mentioned for a second

Wednesday Addams

``It's been 5 months since I've went back to Nevermore. I'm roommates with Enid once again, I can't seem to forget her as much as I try. She's intoxicating, like drugs to a drug addict. As much as it pains me, I've grown.... attached to her. It's disgusting, Wednesday Addams will not be attached to anyone or even as much in, "love" with them. No, these are simply just friendly feelings. Though I think I'm coming down with something, sometimes I feel like I can feel her oddly warm embrace from when we hugged after I defeated Crackstone. I will never forgive him for what he's done, expecally Tyler. Atleast I can put it all behind me, Crackstone is dead and the Hyde is locked away. Everything is fine. It's all fine.. nevermind that, I'm writing all of this on my typewriter. Enid said to own a diary, but I will not. This is simply journalism, like the books I write, expect this is only for me. Mother and Father still insist I attend her, it's not..as bad per-say, but it'll do. Much better then those normie schools I'll say. I've also taken up on more after school activities, I see it is better to occupy oneself then sit here and dread the day as it passes. I see it is now, 5:26pm, meaning Enid should be arriving shortly after from her soccer practice I believe. Well I believe I'll end this here, I've spent a total of 7 hours, 6 minutes and 37 seconds writing all of this..``

I watch as Enid shortly comes into the room all sweaty and muddy. Tsk, and the dormitory was clean, and now it's filthy. She bounces up and down making her way to me. I back up hesitantly, I don't wanna catch any illness from her. I listen closely to her as she rambles about soccer. It's kind of enduring...her blue eyes seem to shine more and her scars bring out her completion. I've noticed lately she tries to hide it. Im not sure why, she saved me from the hyde. The scars are a mark of bravery and loyalty. All Addams wear their scars with pride. Enid says something about taking a shower, I wasn't really focused on what she was saying. But once I glance at her again she's heading towards the shower. It's gonna get filthy again from all the grim and mud on her. I make my way to my side of the dormitory and grab a book on my desk. Seeing as there's nothing better to do and I haven't exactly finished this book yet. I lay on my bed and begin to read, I've left off on chapter 25. I began reading and as time flies by, I'm on chapter 33 as Enid now comes out of the shower. Her blonde dyed hair all wet and messy. Her disgusting taste in clothing that's so bright and it makes my eyes bleed and my head hurt. She walks over brushing out her hair and begins asking what I'm reading.

-hi Weds!! Watcha reading over there?

She'd giggle as she glances over me to see, some droplets of water landing on my bed.

-if you must know, it's a book on a female character called Piper whose in a zombie apocalypse and has to find an antidote before she died. And back up from my bed before you get water on my book and damage it Sinclair.

The blonde wolf would back up and apologize, then asking if she can read it once I'm done with it. I never thought this would bring Enid interest, I was sure she'd say it was disgusting. I nod and go back to reading as Enid dries her hair and styles it. I yawn and look at the clock, it's 8:56 and I'm only on chapter 34. I suppose I'll finish reading this during tomorrows lunch or perhaps after school again. I get up and place my book on my desk and turn off the lamp I left on. The room dims a bit as Enids is still bright from her LED and nightlight. I head to the bathroom and change into an oversized t-shirt and some shorts and long socks. Once I head back to the room I see Enid sound asleep on her side. She's holding onto, I guess, a black cat? Hm, she always liked stuff more bright. But she has changed a bit since we've gotten back. I walked over to my side of the room and laid down on my bed. I tossed and turned then getting comfortable on my right side. I look at Enid, I can see her face slightly from the moon laminating on her face. She looks so.. peaceful, calm and.. nevermind. It's been a long day. I must sleep now, I asked Thing to turn off Enids nightlight. The room is now pitch black besides some of the moon peaking in. I sigh and close my eyes as I drift to sleep.

I wake up in a cold sweat and look at the alarm, it's 2:16 in the morning. My chest falls heavy as I try to calm myself. I've never had these dreams, and I never panicked like this. I sigh deeply as I see Enid still asleep. I close my eyes and jolt when I feel a touch on my shoulder. I look around to see nothing. I calm myself down, clearly I've reached the point of insanity. There's a logical explanation for this, I pinch the bridge of my nose and grab the glass of water on my desk. I take a sip and lay back down looking at the ceiling trying to think about the dream. I can't remember anything, it's flashing and going to fast. My head hurts and I feel a sharp pain in my chest and stomach. I clench them in agony and pain as my breathing starts to speed up once again. What is this feeling, Addams aren't weak?! I try to calm myself but it seems to only make it worse. My head starts spinning and my vision blurs as my breathing gets louder. My mind goes blank and I can't think of anything. That's when I hear,

- WEDNESDAY?! HEY HEY, I'm here I'm here!! Wednesday?! Calm down what's wrong?!

My eyes are still a blur but I see Enid right next to me trying to calm me down. She sits me up and sits right next to me. Her hand on my back as the other wraps around my neck. She soothes me until I calm down and wipes my tears. I don't even recall crying, I pace myself and listen to her. The hand on my back goes to grab the water. Enid gently taps it on my lip signaling me to open it. I take the water and drink the rest as my breathing finally goes back to normal. I glance at the wolf who still wears a worried expression.

-thank you I suppose..I didn't mean to awake you or worry you. You may go back to sleep Enid..

I'd say as I look away not able to look at her. She places the empty glass down and grabs my hand gentle. She looks at me as I still refused to hold any form of eye contact. She sighs softly and speaks,

-Wednesday...are you ok? What was that about? I won't judge you, ok? You can always speak to me, just don't hold these types of feelings in...

The wolf still looked at me as I nod, she patted my hand and got up walking to her side of the bed. I looked over and watched her, she grabbed the black stuffed cat and makes her way back.

-I know you typically hate these..but I figured since it's not color you might like it. Please take it Weds? It might make you feel better

She'd tease with a smile and hand the stuffed cat to me. I take it without any argument as I see it's be no use. The bright wolf now walked back to her bed and laid down. Just like that she was fast asleep, maybe it's a werewolf thing. I look at the cat and held it to my chest. I laid down and sighed softly as a soft yawn also escaped. Quickly as a baby I fell asleep holding this disgusting plushed cat.

[frenchkanna1808]

hello rats! (if you don't wanna read my bullshit skip to my official ranking of the cast, i know you want to)

Today i wanted to thank you all for the 100 subscribers i am truly thankful for all of you, i'm just out of words like, i don't even get why you all like subscribed to me, i just make random ass crazy rambles on a silly game! you know that's like insane! i also wanna thank you all for the constant support and advice, i'm not the most healthy person around, i'm very fragile and i often break down so life is not really the easiest, but this game, this community fells like an escape from that. Sometimes, often i get very negative thoughts about myself and like life and this blog kinda made me smile, it brought me a bit of light in my either meh or shitty life. So like thank you all truly, huh, also like i'm was finally able to talk with my mom about my like 99% chance of having autism, and she said yes for me to get a diagnosis, so like thank you shin too i guess since you were weirdly the reason i started questioning myself. I know i'm rambling nonsense but like i'm like feelings lots of stuff. I really had a bad week all around so like i'm not sure i'm gonna post this week that much. So like THANKS!

Well now get to the part i promised, FRENCH GREMLIN OFFICIAL TIER LIST OF EVERY YTTD CHARACTER PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.

so i wanna clarify that expect from exceptions i like most of the cast of yttd, i do not really hate anyone, except midori. While i shared my distaste of sheep boy i actually just find him mid, he's not really interesting to me. Also this is purely subjective and does not count how well written the character is, for example i have mixed feeling about keiji but i think he's an amazing character+he has the best free times in YTTS. i repeat, this is only an opinion, but i would love to have people tell me their opinions on some of the characters and maybe defend them. Differing opinions is good anyhow. So here it is:

[rolloollor]

My thoughts on Rollo's card

I don't play the JP version so this is all from watching videos and reading what other people say. Get ready for rambling

First, kinda bummed that Rollo isn't actually in NRC and thus didn't interact with anyone else. I was hoping he'd meet Ortho at the least, but most of his vignette is just him talking to himself. I understand why this is and would rather have Rollo be playable and have a funky implementation than him remain an event character, but you know...

I was a bit nervous about how he would interact with other characters, though. Since I wrote a fanfic where he talked to Ortho already... if it went totally differently than what I imagined, I woulda felt bad. I was ready to accept that for a canon conversation. Mostly unfortunate, but a slight relief.

VP showed up and had a voice which is funny. I love that he wanted to have lunch with Rollo and he snubbed him. "Oh, I have to go, let's do it another time." Yeah, how often does he hear that? Man... and this the day after I post a chapter where he gets rejected hardcore, ugh, it's so good.

The fact that he eats the exact same lunch every day down to the precise amount of grapes is incredible, wow. I figured he mainly ate bread and grapes but like... to that level...

The gargoyles will never get official names which means I can keep using mine. Seeing them jump around was cute. He's a lot harsher to them than I had hoped, so I'll keep that in mind in the future...

The card art is amazing, both default and the groovy.

And he's officially Rollo Flamme, phew.

Rollo's in the handbell club... that's some churchboy nerd shit right there. Carol of the Bells is my favorite Christmas song, so now I can imagine Rollo ringing those bells whenever I hear it...

Also, cleaning is his hobby? Outside of VA jokes, what a fuckin dweeb. Him writing with a quill is pretty dang cute, too. But, again, what a nerd

His height is a bit disappointing since he's only 1cm taller than I am. I don't really wanna have to think about how tall Malleus is relative to me, but now it's inevitable

I'm glad that his eyes are green in the card art. I see all sorts of fanart where they give him blue eyes and it feels like the world is gaslighting me. They're green!!!!

It's good to know that he has parents and that they seem at least involved enough to be worried about him, though he doesn't talk to them like they're all that close

According to the flight lessons, the slits on Rollo's robe go up higher than I expected.... lewd... Makes me want to write something where Malleus slips his fingers under it in public...

He never says Malle's name, but he sure gets pissed off talking about him. This will sustain me

All in all, not perfect but I need him in the EN server ASAP. I have like 300+ rolls that I was gonna give to Masq Malle but I'll give 200 of them to Rollo if that's what it takes

[webbedphantom]

... I think I'm depressed again-

And because of that, I kinda want to ramble/vent about things. But since I don't wanna be a nuisance, I'm gonna just leave it under here for anyone who wants to read it.

Maybe it's just because of how hectic things have been lately, and how I missed my therapy appointment this week, but I'm just... constantly tired, even now that I'm starting to feel better from whatever I had a few days ago. And today I've just had that constant feeling of just... not knowing what to do, so I don't do anything. And when I do find something to do, I lose interest moments later.

Like I've tried to write replies, but then I'll hit a snag, or be unsure which reply to write, or think it's pointless because if they reply back, I won't be able to keep it going because I can't trim things without my computer... which I can't set up because my desk is still in storage, with no way to get it here without a truck, and nothing I can use as a temporary desk in the meantime.

And this goes on and on with a bunch of stuff, games I want to play, stuff I borrowed from the library, there's always something that gets in the way that keeps me from really sitting down and enjoying myself.

I hate feeling like this, and I hate even more that I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, because when I'm depressed, I isolate myself, which makes it harder to reach out because I don't want to bother anyone. And I sure as hell can't go to any of my "family" about it, as lately I've been feeling like the term has no meaning, as most of mine just use that shared blood as an excuse to get things from you.

Which is kinda why I'm even making this. I don't typically do this, I don't like putting my personal problems out in public like this. But I don't really know how else to deal with these feelings, because I really don't wanna bother anyone, even though I know all of the people I'd usually tell this stuff to would be okay with it.

I'm not really sure what to do... My next therapy appointment is on Wednesday, but I go back to work on Tuesday, which kinda makes me anxious, especially since the person who hired me got transferred, so I have no idea what to expect anymore.

And on top of that, I just don't know what to do with myself in the meantime. I don't really have the energy to use any of my normal coping skills, and the few that I do haven't been working, so I'm just... lost.

Best I can think to do is reach out to my case manager and see if he can help me work through this, but... I'm not particularly hopeful about that. Still, it's all I got, and I did need to meet with him anyway, so I just gotta hope things work out.

I'll get through this. I always do. Doesn't mean it'll be easy, but... life is never really easy, is it?

[imunbreakabledude]

I've recently finished your long Maeve x Elena fic and honestly I'm obsessed. I've always liked Elena but the show didn't show to much so I was rather indifferent to their relationship until I found the maevelena tag on here and then your fics. You make them both so human . They're just two complicated women trying their best .

I was also pleasantly surprised by Ashley and Maeve's dynamic . I was not expecting to enjoy those 2 together so much . I'm glad that Ashley got over her crush on Maeve . Even though ,maevelena is my OTP but id be lying if I didn't enjoy Ashley's yearning. I would be curious about an AU where Ashley does win over Maeve maybe even with Elena . ( Although I think Elena and Maeve are to possessive of each other for that )

Poor baby Maeve ! All the parts talking about her childhood made my heart ache . I never gave much thought before about her childhood and how hard that would of been . I love the story as to how she came up with the Queen Maeve name . It's a shame her mum died as I would of been curious as to what their dynamic would of looked like

Anyway I'm going to stop rambling now . Thank you for the good read and I will eagerly devour any new content you post ❤️

first off, thank you! I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed it. that fic was a labor of love in every sense, and I wrote it for myself above all, but it really means a lot to me to hear when other people enjoy it. because it was a joy to tell a longer, serialized story in the style of a tv spinoff, for an active audience to engage with. (even if a very small audience).

I, too, didn't think much of Elena the first time I watched the show - I mean, she doesn't get a lot to do on the show, unfortunately. but as I rewatched and grew fixated on Maeve, i realized there was a lot more depth implied to Elena than first appears... and grew intrigued at filling in more about her while fleshing out more about Maeve as well, and... even though 95% of the elaborate history I've written for them is my own creation, a decently large percentage of it is actually implied by their few scenes in the show! I find them so fascinating and layered and fun to explore. "Two complicated women trying their best" is a great way to put it. that's exactly why I continue to love to think about them after so long. they're far from perfect, individually and as a pair, but so layered and really need each other.

glad that you enjoyed the maeve/ashley content as well! of course it had to go the way it did in the fic, being a maevelena story primarily (well, it's not necessarily a "ship fic" overall but that is certainly a primary relationship), but that one was very fun for me to write. and if you wanna know a secret... back when I was first conceiving this "spinoff" story idea, including ashley was one of my first ideas, and actually the first hazy version of it WOULD HAVE been maeveashley endgame. because for whatever reason, I didn't envision elena being a major part of it at first - a "guest star" at most. I think because i was taking a lot of inspo from Angel's format as a spinoff and once it occurred to me that Ashley could be the "Cordelia" to Maeve's "Angel", that felt so perfect, and I'm a sucker for their love story in the spinoff, so I envisioned a similar unlikely-but-perfect love developing between Maeve and Ashley. tbh, i think it could and maybe even WOULD happen if Elena was not back in Maeve's life for whatever reason.

As it is, though, Maeve and Ashley definitely have a weird, permanent, deep platonic bond in this story's universe though. a bond which is not the SAME as her relationship with Elena, or Annie, or anyone else but possibly just as important. and tbh even though I don't know that I can imagine an Elena/Maeve/Ashley throuple working (i am very creative with ot3s, but this one seems TOUGH lol), i do think Ashley becomes weirdly a sort of fixture/add-on to their marriage in again, a weird unquantifiable way. like it's Maeve and Elena... and Ashley. she's just always in their lives and even Elena comes to accept and maaaybe even appreciate it after a while lmao.

I'm going off on tangents now because I actually have sooo much more in this universe thought out, from some stuff that happens after the end of that fic, to miscellaneous snippets in the past/time skips of that fic, but I haven't written/posted much of it because... well... there was a small audience for it at the best of times and as more time goes on there's less and less interest in stuff about a character who hasn't been on TV since 2022.

so I wanted to emphasize, thank you for sending this message. for reading the fic and enjoying it and letting me KNOW that you did. <3 it may seem silly but this came at the perfect time, I haven't been feeling the best lately especially when it comes to writing, and I've been looking for a way to enjoy writing again... and getting feedback like this, that someone appreciated something I enjoyed making, helps a lot. and knowing there's maybe still an active desire for it, makes me want to dust off some of the many WIPs I still have about maeve in the pipeline. so, thank you for this message.

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Hi Lauri! It's me! And it seems you found out my actions! Technically I was surprised you even figured it out it was all me, yes all the long ask was me? Are you disappointed now? Do you hate me a little because of that? If you do, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to have something to talk about because without the ask, you don't have anyone to ramble about, but don't worry! There are also many ask that was not sent by me!

I was pretty bit active those past months because I currently don't have any schedule to do, so I was free to ask you everyday, well it's entertainment for me to ask you everyday, it almost became a hobby, and also wanted to know facts and stuff, are you mad?

The reason why I was being inactive is because I forgot my password, someone came and hacked my account because I keep opening strange links that unfortunately hacked my account and there, my account got deleted by the hacker, I don't know why they deleted it or something. I don't really care, I'm really thankful I didn't do anything there or start a blog there, or put some private stuff.. fortunately I found your account after I made a new one, you can tell me to leave if you want me too..

Sorry to disappoint too that I made you believe that you have followers asking you alot of stuff.. sorry that I took this long to speak about why I'm being so inactive.. anyway are you happy about my return, or are you angry at me because what you thought you believe that you have anons asking you dozen of stuff but it was.. me? The point is on this ask, I want to say, sorry for everything. Even if I did it for entertainment and hobby asking you everyday, you must have thought that you have different anons askings you? Still fortunately enough there are also anons asking you that was not from me. I can confirm that the rest except the long asks was not from me.

I just thought that it was weird if I was the only one noticing those details, and no one was speaking up. so I made up a scenario of different anons noticing the details because I can't just leave those unnoticed can I? Welp..this was all the information I can give you. Sorry again Lauri and thanks for making me happy and entertained.

HHHHOLY CRAP- *falls over* HIIiiiIIIiiiiiIIII?????

G-geez, this was....n-not expected, but I-I'm not complaining either! Hi....! Holy crap, you're still here....? I-I thought you were busy, and that's why- y-y'know.....I-I wasn't gonna guilt you into staying if you had nothing left to say.....But I'm so sorry about the hacking! That sucks....! S-so...does that mean you WERE here reading all my posts this whole time, y-you just didn't have a blog to use....? O-oh my god.....

D-don't worry! I'm not mad at you! Not at all! Technically, you didn't even lie to me! I-it was all just....me assuming things! I-It was me assuming that one anon wouldn't message me so often, so they're probably different people. It was me assuming that I had more anons here than I really did cuz of that, and getting all panicked and stressed out about scaring "everyone" away, pfff......S-so, it's fine....I-I'm not mad at all....

I-if you really are gonna stick around, then....I don't mind at all.....I-I even welcome it.....Y-you don't have to send me stuff as often, I don't mind that, either....! Y-you don't have to constantly ask me stuff, but I'll be grateful for the stuff you do send....Wh-whatever you wanna do.....

I-I'm really glad you finally "came clean" about this....I-I had a lotta questions, and this answered close to all of them, so I really appreciate it....Don't worry, no hard feelings, I missed you, and I'm happy to see you be willing to come back! ^^

O-oh, and.....uh.....I'm not sure if you know this is how Tumblr works, but....uh....wh-when your old blog was deleted....all of the art you sent me, that I didn't post publicly to respect your privacy.....It was all deleted. It vanished from my inbox. A-and I didn't save any of it, cuz, I didn't know that was how things worked here...I had no idea that unpublished asks/submissions from blogs that get deleted are deleted as well.....S-so.....yeah....I-I'm really sorry.....I lost it all......(Th-the picture of her hands was one I looked at often....)TT///////TT

A-and, also, I'm REALLY sorry this took so long for me to answer! I've been off Tumblr almost all day, after getting an ask yesterday that upset me....! I-I hope you end up seeing this! Th-thanks for reaching out, really.....!

[japans-greatest-treasure]

[Hii mod this is going to be a long ask I am so sorry it's literally me just ranting because I read his egoist bible and it reminded me of a debate I am SO SO passionate about and have these stupid opinions in my head and need to get rid of them, no pressure to answer this, honestly just wanted to ramble T: also im going to be saying 'you' a lot and by that I don't mean the mod or the character btw😭] Okay okay so uh hi hello hello so I read your Egoist bible and aughh frothing at the mouth because the part about you disliking expectations being put on you literally pulled a cord deep in my soul and I wanna talk about it, feel free to uh debate with me if you want to but no pressure Let’s not sugarcoat this, having expectations of other people is inherently selfish, and it's time we admit it. Who are you to impose your personal desires, hopes, and standards on someone else’s life? To demand that they meet some arbitrary bar that you’ve set for your own comfort? Expecting others to act in a certain way or do a certain thing is nothing but a manipulative tactic designed to control the world around you, a way to bend people to your will under the guise of love, friendship, or some twisted sense of responsibility basic respect is one thing that people should be expected to have but that is IT.

Consider it—when you have expectations of someone, no matter how small or “reasonable” they may seem, what you’re really saying is: I deserve to shape your life. Your expectations are the emotional equivalent of placing chains around another person’s neck. It’s like saying, “Hey, your desires and your independence? Forget them. I’ve got needs, and they come first.”

For example what about expecting people to keep promises? Well, buckle up because this one’s a real power trip. When you expect someone to keep their word, you’re basically saying, “You have to mould your future behaviour based on what I want, not what you want.” How self-serving! People evolve, circumstances change—why should anyone be held to something they said in the past? Promises are prisons, and by expecting people to uphold them, you're locking them in a cage built of your selfish desires.

Worse still, you set yourself up as the victim when they inevitably fail to meet these absurd standards. “How could they do this to me?” you cry, as though their decisions were made to spite you personally. Maybe, just maybe, they’re not thinking about you 24/7. Maybe they’re trying to live their own life. But no—your expectations have turned their actions into betrayals. You paint them as the bad guy for not adhering to the unspoken rules you’ve forced onto them, when in reality, the only betrayal happening is your betrayal of their right to be themselves. The truth is, expectations, no matter how small, no matter how “normal” they might seem (BESIDES BASIC RESPECT OFC) are just selfish projections of your own desires onto someone else. They have their own lives, their own dreams, their own struggles—and here you are, making it all about you.

-☀️

You think what you WANT to think, anon. I don't really care about what you want to say. But people are inherently selfish, isn't it second nature to place expectations on others? although... this is a topic I'm not qualified to talk on.

[booksandpaperss]

some ramble-y thoughts on men's social isolation and women's safety bc this has been on my mind for a bit

I do think it's really sad how men end up feeling so isolated bc of various social expectations as well as people being cruel, but as a fem presenting person I have to say that you can't just expect women and anyone who is fem presenting to just "start being nicer". ive seen a few posts on Tumblr essentially stating that but I have to reiterate it is about safety. I literally cannot afford to stop looking at men with caution and assumed violence until I get to know them really well bc if I stop that could genuinely cost me me life. its true that most men I see probably are not predators and im sure it hurts to be perceived that way, but I have no way of being able to tell who is and isn't going to harm me. I have to assume the worst because it is the only way I can stay safe.

it sucks, it really does, for all parties involved. I have so much sympathy for the men who are genuinely kind and would never hurt me that feel isolated, it isn't fair, and I myself certainly don't enjoy the *necessary* fear that the random guy im passing on the street could see me and decide to hurt me, but this is the reality of the world. there is no easy solution, but what certainly isn't a solution is expecting women to start being kinder to men they dont know because once again: that could genuinely cost someone their life.

The best solution right now I think is to continue to try to deconstruct misogyny and gender roles, and that takes time, patience, and understanding.

I have also seen the notion on here that men feeling isolated socially is misandry, but the reality is that misandry is simply not real on a systemic scale. men feeling isolated is a direct result of the patriarchy and a side affect of misogyny. a lot of things on this website that are perceived as misandry are either not real problems or they are but they're just the impacts of misogyny and the gender roles that come with it.

But it is very surreal to be walking alone at night, clutching my pepper spray and glaring whenever a man I don't know is near me, making sure to stay next to the street and make it obvious I know exactly where I'm going and still feeling the fear that it might not be enough and something horrible could happen to me anyway, only come back to Tumblr and see people saying misandry is just as prevalent as misogyny and women need to start considering how it feels for men to be looked at like they're predators. Touch grass seems like an applicable statement here.

oh and obligatory piss on the poor tumblr disclaimer: I know I am using binary terms so before any of you get on your high horse about it, I myself am non binary. I am not actually a woman, but I certainly look like one and therefore deal with misogyny. I fully understand that trans men and genderqueers of all kinds as well as even feminine cis men also fear for their life on the street so dont even think abt getting on my ass about that. oh and if any of you try to call this a terf post consider yourself blocked with a recommendation to get a refresh on what terf actually means instead of just throwing around the term when you see any post trying to talk about misogyny :D

final disclaimer bc I wanna cover all my bases due to Tumblr reading comprehension: im aware topics like this are very nuanced with lots of layers, please dont act like im obligated to cover all that in a random Tumblr post of all things, I cannot possibly cover everything nor am I obligated to. I simply wanted to remind ppl that actual lives are at risk and fem presenting people constantly and regularly fear for their life bc I feel like that gets left out a lot in conversations like this on here. <3