#not that I'm complaining about either of them

[woso-dreamzzz]

Helper:Christmas

Arsenal Women x Child!Reader

Summary: Christmas with Guppy

"I...I don't understand. What's...What's going on?"

"Just keeping holding it up," Codi whispers to Rosa, who looks like she's about to lower the tinsel that she's holding up.

"I don't get it. What's going on?"

"We're decorating the tree."

"No, I get that. But why are we holding it up in a line?"

On her other side, Leah huffs. "Because Lia's raising a kid who doesn't like mess and gets freaked out by Christmas trees. Ow! Lia!"

Lia's elbow, none too kindly, digs a bit further into Leah's ribs.

"Don't make fun of her!" She snaps, imaginary hackles raised in annoyance at Leah's dismissal before turning to Rosa to explain, much more kindly. "Guppy...She gets a bit overwhelmed about this kind of stuff and these cretins like to go overboard until the tree's a big mess. So, Guppy gets to pick the theme and then we all decorate. Leah's exaggerating."

"I'm just saying! Maybe exposure therapy will be good for her! I love her, Lia, I do. You know that. But you have to admit, this-"

Lia whips her beads at Leah in annoyance.

"Alrigh! Alright! I get it! Sorry!"

Lia's not finished though as she points to practically everyone in line in turn. "None of you are allowed to talk about that kind of stuff while y/n's in the room too, do you understand? She's sensitive and I'm not letting any of you make it worse!"

"I think they get it," Mario intervenes quickly," No one wants to make her feel bad."

Rosa's kind of glad that Mariona did. She's never seen Lia angry before. Annoyed, yes. Overtired, yes. But never angry. Not truly anyway but she's heard how protective Lia gets over you.

You're not really an oddball. You're not overwhelmingly weird either. But something that Rosa's noted is that you're very particular. She's never met a child so particular in her life. You like things done in a certain way.

You get all fidgety and anxious if you're not allowed to do things in the way you want and tend to start things over if it hasn't gone perfectly. You flick the lights on and off twice in whatever room you leave and you always knock on doors twice.

Rosa's seen you on the team bus, getting Lia to buckle and unbuckle your seatbelt twice over just before the bus sets off to whatever away match they need to get to.

You're just...

Different.

It's clear that Lia knows that too and a lot of her energy is put into making sure no one makes you think that you don't fit in.

"Alright!" Kim comes in holding your hand and from what Rosa strains to hear from Mario and Lia's conversation, this is normal too.

Kim helps you pick out the theme.

You both whisper together, Kim clearly going along with your childish wonder and happiness. She crouches down at your side as you look between Rosa and Kyra's tinsel.

Rosa's holding a red one and Kyra's holding a gold one.

Kyra wiggles it enticingly in your face but your features all scrunch up at once as you move away from Kim to take Rosa's hand and then to choose Codi and her matching green tinsel as well.

"Alright," Kim says," And what about baubles?"

"Er..." You look at the rest of the team and all the baubles they hold up to you, suddenly overwhelmed with choices.

You look at Leah's glittery baubles and shake your head.

"Not-Not glitter ones."

Then you catch sight of Lia and Mario, immediately breaking away from Kim to go crashing into them.

"Mummy!" You gasp," You bought the special beads from home!"

Wound around what looks to be an old piece of cardboard, is a long string of silver beads.

"I did," Lia says," Because our tree is too little for them this year. I thought we could use them on the Arsenal tree."

You nod, head bobbing up and down happily before you also take Mario's hand, dragging her into your little group of chosen people without even looking at the bauble in her hands.

"Nah!" Leah complains," This is so unfair! Why can't I be chosen?"

"Because you clearly didn't choose a good bauble this year," Beth teases," Not like me."

"Not Beth's bauble either," You say to Kim.

"Wait...What? Come on, come back!"

Decorating the tree is a team effort because while you may have been the one to make your selection, you're much too small to decorate it all by yourself and Rosa's found herself with you on her shoulders as you strain to put a candy cane onto the tree.

"Careful," Lia warns her," Keep straight or she'll fall."

"Rosa's doing fine," Steph says," And it's not like Guppy is going to start throwing herself around. She's very responsible."

"I am, Mummy!" You say," Very responsible! I helped Mrs Gina find the missing gluestick lid yesterday!"

So, Lia ends up worrying from a distance and insists on being the one to lift you up so you can put the star on the tree before letting you down and leading you from the room without any more preamble.

"What's happening now?" Rosa whispers as it looks like everyone starts sitting down on the floor in a little circle that she has no option but to join.

"Lia's been doing this since Guppy was born," Caitlin explains," We're getting presents now. It was pretty cute the first time, little gifts in baby y/n's hands. It was her handprint the year she was born and then it was like little keychains? She's old enough to give them out by herself now."

The present Rosa gets is kind of soft and squishy and it doesn't rattle or anything when she holds it up to her ear and shakes.

"No opening until Christmas!" You say once everything's been given out and everyone's attention is on you," Because that ruins the surprise! You can only open them on Christmas!"

The little Arsenal teddy bear you got her sits on Rosa's desk for the rest of the season.

[jollyreginaldrancher]

The newspaper was a prop in the show... it's accurate. I don't have time to do a complete timeline right now but from what I recall they crashed. Three days later they found the lake according to Jackie. They jumped in cause they were sweating and gross and dehydrated but they were already complaining about the cold. Jackie walked in and immediately swore "Fuck, it's freezing". If you look at the sky it was cloudy and the lighting was cold and all washed out. Then Blood Hive, Jackie's complaining about the cold again, sees Lottie in the water, asks if she's cold, the sky is cloudy, etc.

They establish that it's late Autumn/early Winter really early on in the season is basically what I'm trying to say. Like, look at this, does this look like Spring/Summer weather?

A day or two after they find the cabin they held the shooting trial. They were out of food and the cabin food wasn't viable so we're left to assume they ran out of the airplane snacks. Then they hunted that deer and there was talk about it lasting them a few weeks. By episode 6 the land stopped producing fruits and nuts and when they did Doomcoming they were resorting to eating maggots they dug up off the ground and had resigned themselves to the fact they were going to starve to death (ergo the doomcoming moniker).

Another indicator was the Deer Lottie saw in episode 6 with the bloody horns. That deer was rutting, which is what they do in the winter months, usually from January on, after rutting season, but due to malnutrition and disease, and other factors may be earlier, like in November or December, which alligns with my theory. The deer they caught was shedding and it was diseased and full of maggots after all, and food was sparse, made even sparser by the yellowjackets and their hunting and foraging in the local area, which may contribute to an earlier shed.

Jackie had been giving up food to Shauna from that episode too. Van cracked a joke about it being beaver season which I know is just a joke but beaver season does actually fall in fall and winter, so it's ironically accurate with my theory. Taissa says in the next episode that the one animal they've seen in weeks is a dead sick deer, so presumably it's been a few weeks since they caught the live one. Misty proposes the animals migrated, which again makes sense in fall/Winter. And Taissa has her "[soon] it's gonna be dying-feels-like-falling-asleep cold" speech. All indicators that it's fall.

As for the baby/pregnancy, there's many possible causes for a distended stomach, and many a unicef commercial featuring starving people, even children, with distended stomachs. Her pregnancy is not a good metric for time because we don't really know the date of conception. We know though that Shauna had sex with Jeff more than once, we're just assuming that she only got pregnant the last time she fucked him, and not at any other point.

We know after Jackie died, it took two months for her to be consumed, and we know that Shauna seems to have given birth during the winter. What we don't know is anything about her gestation (like I mentioned earlier, she could have gotten pregnant way earlier) OR the birth. We assume she gave birth to a fully formed fetus, but we never saw it. For all we know she could have miscarried 3-4 months into the pregnancy. We never saw the baby so we really have no way of knowing, and the girls could have easily lost track of time and assumed it was coming soon, or she may have revealed she got pregnant earlier offscreen, or Misty could have deduced she was further along, or that winter could have been particularly long. They lived near mountains after all. It wouldn't be implausible for winter to last a month or two longer.

Either way, the pregnancy doesn't really prove much. It's way too vague a timeframe and we have too little information on it. Like if we knew exactly when Shauna and Jeff started to have sex, then maybe we'd have a timeframe for her potential inception date, but we don't really get that in the show so it's pretty impossible. All we know for sure is that had a miscarriage or stillbirth. We don't know anything about the baby realistically though, aside from the gender, which means it was definitely over something like 9-11 weeks in utero.

I did google it briefly though and it seems Winter in the Canadian Rockies (Where they reportedly crashed) lasts from November to April, but can be covered in Snow up til May, with the coldest month being January, so it's entirely possible for her to carry the baby til January, where it seemed the coldest and they got that snow storm, or even April, having gotten impregnated in November, and for her to deliver in January-April a 3-6 month fetus that was too young to make it.

I don't have time to really delve into this, but it still very much looks like they crashed in November.

five months jackie lived out there. five months she lived and breath. and they said that she died the day the plane crashed. jackie taylor has an empty grave inscribed with the wrong date.

[memepocalypse]

Reluctant Allies

Requested by anon!

"Oh, I guess... if I must."

"I don't like you, you don't like me."

"We have no choice but to get along."

"I don't want to help you!"

"Don't make me do this. Ughhh..."

"You have never said a nice word to be in my life, and yet here I am. Helping."

"Just - shut up and take my hand."

"If I'm going to have to hang out with you, can you try to be less insufferable?"

"You are unbearable!"

"We're working together. Shut up."

"I don't like it either, no!"

"We're going to do this then never have to look at each other again."

"Why are we doing this again?"

"Just - pretend. Go along with it!"

"I'm going to smack you if you don't shut up and get on with it."

"What does complaining get us? Huh?"

"You have to help, you idiot!"

"I'm not doing this by myself."

"Yes, yes, you hate me, so on, so forth."

"We're going to go do this together."

"No! [Name]!"

"I never shouted for them I don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't care about them. No. Nu uh."

"We're doing this because we have to, not because I want to."

"For God's sake, you're unbearable."

[watarfallar]

Giving y'all more presents because I'm feeling generous <3

Grian: What's that? Scar: Chocolate. Grian: What's chocolate? Scar: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from? Grian: Yeah. Grapes, nuts. Scar: No wonder you're so bitter.

Scar, clearly drunk: Grian, hit me another drink… wooOO HOOoo… Grian: I think you need a therapist and not a bottle. Scar: I think yooOOoou need to shuUT YOUR MOUTH!

Grian: I won a new phone in a race. Scar: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Grian? Grian: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.

Scar: I feel awful about killing you. Grian: Scar: Even though technically you never even died, so I don’t know what you’re bitching about.

Grian: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Scar and not do the thing, Grian: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Grian: proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke

Scar: Stop doing that. Grian: Stop doing what? Scar: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you.

Grian: Gets down on one knee Scar: Oh my god! It’s finally happening! Grian: Collapses Scar: The poison’s kicking in!

Scar: I want you back… Grian: 3 words, 8 letters. Say it, and I'm yours. Scar: I got food? Grian: …you know me so well.

Scar: raises eyebrows Grian: Put those back down!

Grian: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, Scar? Scar: …I’m sorry. Grian: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

Scar: What’s your favorite high school memory? Grian: LEAVING. FUCKING LEAVING!

Grian: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk. Scar: Go the fuck to sleep Grian.

Scar: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Grian: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Scar: Okay yeah thanks Grian, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?

Scar: We have a problem. Grian: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Grian: Hey guys, today Scar pushed me, so I'm starting a kickstarter to put them down. Grian: The benefits of killing them are that I would get pushed way less.

Grian: I know what you're up to. Scar: Really? Because I barely know.

Scar, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha. Grian: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

Scar, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha. Grian: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

Grian: What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child? Scar: That naptime was a punishment.

Grian: I'm tired. Scar: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?! Grian: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.

Scar: Will you date me? Breathe if yes, recite the Bible in Japanese if no. Grian: 初めに、神は天と地を創造されました。 Scar: What the…? Grian: 地球は形もなく虚無であり、暗闇が深海の面を覆いました… Scar: Is that actually the Bible?! Grian: …そして神の霊が水面の上に浮かんでいました。 Scar: And you stopped breathing, too?! Grian: そして神は「光あれ」と言われました。 Scar: Christ, it would have been preferable for you to just have beaten me up and called me gay!

Grian: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Scar: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

Scar, texting Grian: Hey do you like anyone? Grian: Yeah you Scar: Oh, I'm sorry we're just friends Grian: *Yeah, you? Grian: Oh haha sorry lol Scar: *dies inside*

Grian: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers! Scar: Please, just say fuck.

Scar: Even Grian and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich. Grian: I mistook them for a garbage can.

Scar: I want a bf. Grian: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here.

AND A BONUS LIFE SERIES WINNERS:

Grian: If I fall... Scar: I’ll be there to catch you. Cleo: looks at Scott What if I fall? Scott: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side. Martyn: watches these two interactions Martyn, to Pearl: And if I fall? Pearl: I’ll be the one who pushed you. Joel in the corner grumbling about how Lizzie isn't here:

[bethanydelleman]

have you heard that apparently "the other bennet sister" is getting adapted?

for context, this is the book where charlotte has a weird inferiority complex towards mary and kicks her out of longbourn because she's jealous of her taking lessons from mr collins, here portrayed as a Bit Awkard Man who just wants a bit of affection from his wife :(

and that is after unmarried mary has left bingley house because of carolines and her mother intense bullying (they're here after mr bennets death) and jane not doing anything about it.

and she also left pemberley due to elizabeth ignoring and excluding her to be with darcy and georgiana and complaining about The Thing she did that traumatized her (she told mr bennet to make mary stop playing the piano at that party)

ask me if I'm ready to see people villanize the women (Charlotte especially) and baby Mr Collins turning Mary into The Victim All Along.

sorry for the spoilers but I thought you wouldn't like to read it anyway

I have read The Other Bennet Sister and I hated it. I don't know if I wrote down my thoughts anywhere at the time, but it was absurd. Caroline Bingley turning into Lady Catherine at the end and then running off as some random dude's mistress was so out of character and downright stupid.

Caroline wouldn't bully Mary either, at least not so openly, she'd probably try to get her married to increase family connections. And Jane would defend her sister.

The whole plot line with Lil' Sparrow, some lower class kid who becomes a doctor, was also ridiculous. Mary rejects dancing with him a third time because of propriety, which she didn't know about. Sparrow gets all sad because apparently he doesn't know the rules of his own society either. It was like Mary and Sparrow arrived in the 1800s from the 21st century or something and knew nothing. Like what in the world? Both of them should know the three dances rule and Mary had so much angst over it.

I really didn't need to know what everyone was eating all the time, or that Mary dips bread in her coffee. And please, can we not make Mary obsessed with Fordyce's Sermons for the millionth time! It was Mr. Collins who picked it!!!

The book was horrid so I have no intention of watching the adaptation. I don't understand why people like it.

[mattsfootcramp]

'Its Just a Bell' M.S series

warnings: strong use of language, suggestive, mentions of abuse

(if you know anyone struggling with abuse please tell someone right the fuck away)

Summary: After the night the triplets arrived, y/n searched them up.. and then she fully. met matt

I walked down to my dad who was getting ready to go to our house for the night.. always leaving me in charge.

I grabbed the keys from his hand as he walked into his old ford truck that that sat in the middle of the parking lot.

As he drove off i grabbed my phone and type out 'Sturniolo Triplets' on to google.

What popped up shocked the hell out of me 7.28 million subscribers?!

Jesus Christ and they could afford a decent hotel?

Because my shift was the whole 12 hour night i decided to grab a chair and turn on a video.

Throughout the video there was some sort of connection towards matt, his smile, his hair, his jokes, his lips, his eyes, his tattoos..

Now although i had no idea who they were before this i felt like i knew them my whole life after i watched 2 videos..

Until i hear a grunt behind me.

I quickly shut my phone off and look behind me.

Matt. Sturniolo.

"uhm hi?" I quickly look around to see if his brothers are with him surprised their not.

"I couldn't sleep so i was wondering if you guys at least had coffee" He says walking more into the main building.

"its only for the employees but.. i mean i can make you one.." Although it was completely against the rules that didn't stop me from breaking them.

I mean for this hot ass guy id do anything. fucking. anything.

"really? you sure its no problem?" He replies.

"its literally just me brewing it.. i got you.." My accent deceives me.

I walk to the back and signal for him to follow me. I grab a coffee pod and place into the coffee maker.

"you know.. your nice. one of the nicest hotel workers iv meet" He draws an imaginary shape on the counter where stuff is stored.

"Its my accent. it portrays my personality differently. no one can take me seriously with it," i complain. sitting on the counter.

"hope you know its gonna take awhile. this coffee maker is older then the building." Making him laugh.

God his laugh.. the way he just smiles.. makes me think of how he would pound int- y/n no he's a customer.

"so im gonna assume you have a boyfriend?" He goes into a little serious emotion.

"what makes you assume that?" I smirks.

"i mean your like really ho- i mean- shit i didn't mean to like.. fuck i messed up" he covers his face in embarrassment

"Bold.. i like it. and no.. i don't have a boyfriend." I get off the counter ass the coffee maker comes to a stop.

"wait really? wait how old are you?" he makes a curious expression

"18.. about to turn 19 in like.. 5 days?" i grabs a few creams a sugars for him.

"wait your shitting me." he looks almost happy now that he knows my age

"nope!" i say with that fake ass smile.

"i probably should of lead with that question before anything.." he makes a little smile.

"yeah probably." I laugh a little with him.

"god I'm heading to fucking Texas tomorrow.. or in two days.. i don't really know" he sighs and leans his head on the wall

2 days?! how am i supposed to make a connection in 2 days?!

"so your an influencer.." I bites my lip gently. him taking notice.

He stands up straight and gently walks to me

"yeah.. you like that huh?" He squints his eyes with a little smirk.

He puts both his arms on either side of me trapping me into the counter.

"i-.. uh.." I got so flustered.. fuck. I'm blushing to hard at this.

"well? gonna answer m-" He gets cut off by the bell signaling that the door opened.

"you uhm wait right her ill be back" I walk out and see my dad frantically looking for something

"uhm? what are you looking for?" i cross my arms at the front desk

"my lighter. have you seen it" he looks up at me with that look. the look of drunkenness.

"no.. dad.." i go quiet. not wanting to make him mad. especially when matt is in the back of this building.

"god your fucking useless. fuck. i bet you fucking took it because you so mother fucking greedy." he yells at me. making me flinch. making him scoff and leave.

At least he didn't hit me that time.

I walk back into the back. matt has a look of concern.

"what just happened" he questions once im in view or him.

"you should.. you should go before he comes back.. I'm fine though thanks." I look down at the floor the whole time

"Can i.. give you a hug?" he walks a little forwards

I nod and he closes the gap between us and wraps his arms around me. and in this moment i feel the safest iv ever felt around a man in my whole life. i felt hope about everything. makes me feel like a little kid on Christmas with her little barbie truck. Jesus Christ i might fall for him.

a/n: thank all of you guys for being sooo patient with me❤️❤️ luv you guys soo much

Taglist:

@iluvjakeyy @spicybabysworld @monroesturnns @sturniolo-fann @bernardsbendystraws @hysteria-things @ashlishes

[ashela-ley]

Can we talk about Cartman's tendency to pet Kyle? And the way Kyle lets him do it?

It's such an under-discussed part of their dynamic. Cartman does this all the time. He does it to tease Kyle. He does it to comfort him. He does it to express gratitude. He even does it to pictures of Kyle when Kyle's not there.

And you could say that's just Cartman, he's just touchy, that's just how he expresses himself . . . except that it's really not. All this petting and stroking isn't something you see him do with Stan and Kenny. (Friends he has said multiple times he loves.) It's not something he does with his actual pet, Mr Kitty. It's not something he does with his mom. It's not even something he does with Heidi or Yentl. There's a lot of hand-holding and kissing in those relationships, but Cartman appears to consider this expected romantic partner behavior, and to be imitating that accordingly. What you don't see with them is the clingy, almost unconscious need to touch he demonstrates with Kyle. Kyle has to be stroked, patted, petted, hugged, poked, pulled on . . . it seems to be a comfort thing for Cartman, and that is just so fascinating to me.

It's also endlessly fascinating to me that Kyle - who has no problem putting Cartman in his place about anything else - allows this nearly every time. Maybe there's some token complaining, but he never actually tries to stop it. It's not "ew, Cartman is hugging me" it's always "why is Cartman hugging me?" and that's a subtle difference I think gets overlooked. People like to claim Kyle's response to Cartman having a crush on him would be disgust, and that Kyman could only ever be one-sided for this reason. But Kyle's response to Cartman being affectionate with him is actually pretty much always confusion, not disgust. I get the impression Kyle doesn't know how he feels about it.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but it's just so interesting to me, the relationship they both have to touch. Cartman uses Kyle to fulfil his need for touch and connection - and Kyle doesn't often reciprocate this touch, but he pretty consistently makes the concession of allowing it. They're feeling each other out, trying to work out "who are you to me and what do I feel for you?" It's one of the elements of Kyman that makes the ship so endearing, I think. There's this sweetness to it that absolutely should not exist between these characters, but does anyway.

Definitely! You’re right, Cartman does seem to seek out physical contact with Kyle considerably more than with anyone else he isn’t directly romantically involved with and my favourite instances of this is when he does so under the guise of antagonizing him. Two examples of this are the whole ‘Jennifer Lopez’-thing in “Fat Butt and Pancake Head” and Cartman promoting Kyle to the Germans in “Funnybot”. In both cases he uses an instance of disrespecting Kyle as a front to compliment him, with the ‘Jennifer Lopez’-persona constantly being gushing over him, telling him how much she likes him, calling him ‘handsome’ and of course ‘kissing’ him by Cartman pressing his hand against Kyle’s mouth. This is especially interesting considering the fact that later in the episode it is very heavily implied (and then pretty much outright confirmed in “200”) that Cartman really doesn’t have full control over the character. In “Funnybot” Cartman calls Kyle either ‘gentle/soft’ or ‘juicy’ (lol), ‘pretty’, and ‘very beautiful’ in extremely mangled German (which I guess is just regular German in-universe since the native speakers talk just like that) and while the context of the scene is obviously very dark for the viewer, who can infer what’s going on, Kyle doesn’t actually seem to realise what is happening. He doesn’t appear to understand what is being said at all and as such Cartman doesn’t even really have the excuse that he’s teasing him.

This scene fits the reaction you described that Kyle tends to have when Cartman engages him in physical contact very well: Kyle reacts to Cartman excessively touching him with confusion but simply lets it happen. He has every reason to be wary of Cartman’s intentions and yet he makes no effort to stop him from what he’s doing. In “ManBearPig” Kyle wakes up to find Cartman leaning over him and while he doesn’t actually touch him, he does get extremely close to him, giving us the famous image of their faces mere inches apart. Kyle’s reaction to this is incredibly understated: He appears at most slightly irritated and attempts neither to push Cartman off nor to move away from him. Once again, he mostly just seems confused by Cartman’s behaviour but, as far as we can see, makes no further attempts to investigate the reasons behind it. This understated reaction is an indication of an (imo) often overlooked aspect of their relationship, which is that while Kyle is well aware of what Cartman is theoretically capable of, he doesn’t actually seem worried that he’d ever seriously harm him. Personally, if I found myself trapped in a cave with a person who constantly professes his hatred for me and whom I know has no qualms about killing people, and then woke up to find said person looming over me in my sleep I’d be much more worried than Kyle appears to be. In fact, considering everything that has happened over the course of their relationship and how many despicable things Cartman has done, Kyle seems Weirdly Comfortable And Safe With His Evil, Ill-Intentioned Friend. Because that’s what they are: They’re friends. To call it a complicated friendship might be an understatement but when it comes down to it the simple fact of the matter is that these two do like each other. While in earlier seasons a point could be made that they only spend time together out of necessity (with the main four being somewhat isolated from the other kids, as Craig points out in “Pandemic 2”, and Cartman originally being an incidental part of the group as ‘the friend no one likes’), they’ve both long since expanded their social circles to a point where they are no longer ‘forced’ to spend time together for lack of better options. Kyle would be more than justified in cutting Cartman off completely and yet he doesn’t and I can honestly see no real reason for this other than the fact that he simply cares about him as a person.

So I agree that Kyle probably wouldn’t react with disgust to the hypothetical reveal that Cartman harbours romantic feelings towards him. I’m not claiming that he would necessarily be elated but I’m pretty sure ‘disgust’ would not be his first reaction and I think many people who think that it would be might at least partially hold that opinion due to projection: Because while we, as viewers, are frequently meant to find Cartman repulsive both physically and emotionally (his embodiment of the 'fat bastard' trope is a key part of his character, after all), Kyle doesn’t actually appear to overtly feel that way about him – which is to say he does kinda but not exclusively and it’s all just a bit more complicated than that. Kyle being thoroughly confused does seem like the most likely reaction to me. Regarding the physical aspect: Of course Kyle frequently makes derogatory remarks about Cartman’s appearance, specifically regarding his weight (to the point where it’s been a main focus of their dynamic for almost thirty years) but we see several times that his critique actually seems to stem from a place of worry and that he feels bad when he thinks that these comments have actually managed to hurt his feelings (e.g. “Raising the Bar”). Of course, what exactly Kyle’s feelings towards Cartman are is, with good reason, a source of much discussion and I’d claim that Kyle himself isn’t very sure of this. His sentiment towards Cartman definitely seems very erratic, with Kyle going from actively attempting to get him killed in “Fatbeard” to being concerned for his emotional well-being just a season later (“201”, “Poor and Stupid”). This concern Kyle has for a person he supposedly can’t stand has been a pretty consistent part of his character in later seasons and it’s especially striking when compared to the way he disregards his best friend’s feelings when he’s in genuine need of emotional support (“Raisins”, “You’re Getting Old”). This discrepancy is not only an indicator of the complicated relationship Kyle has with Cartman but imho also hints at at least one reason for it. In a (painfully long-winded😅) comment on AO3 I just touched on the similarities between Kyle and Cartman how interesting I find the very different ways in which they deal with their shared character traits. I believe this is something that draws them towards each other, though I’m certain that neither is actually consciously aware of this. You put it so beautifully in your last sentence: "There's this sweetness to it that absolutely should not exist between these characters, but does anyway." There really is an unexpectedly soft underbelly to their relationship that is a lot of fun to explore. While I wont deny the toxic aspects of this ship (in fact, they’re a major part of what I find interesting about it), there is also the surprising potential for a real emotional connection between these characters.

[palskippah]

Hi! Drew this based over a scene in Santa Clarita Diet bc Abby's relationship with her parents is so funny but also it's clear that she loves them aaa

Anyways, every once in a while Cyrus realizes that his other dad is actually cooler than he gives him credit for sjdfksj

Under the cut are some more thoughts!

-Btw I hope you get the 'of course' wink sjdkfjs

>My mom always does it whenever I ask a question that could only use a 'yes' as an answer, instead of nodding or talking and I think it's cool sjkdf (I don't use it bc I'm very uncoordinated, imagine I accidentally double wink or do the frog blink 😭)

-Cyrus is often so mean to him that whenever he's genuinely nice, sometimes Ambrosius' suspicious and wondering if he's being sarcastic or mocking him, even if Cyrus tries to tell him that it's nothing of that and he means it

>Like that scene in Santa Clarita Diet where Abby compliments her parents and they stare for a few seconds all seriously and then one says, don't listen to her honey, we did great (and it reminded me so much of that one scene in the comic with Ballister and Ambrosius sjdkfjs)

>This one:

>I really wanna redraw it like the scene in the show. Ballister going good job and Ambrosius just staring very calculating, and then going, don't listen to him, men, we DID get him >:(

-Also drew this because ever since Cyrus has been born Ambrosius couldn't help but feel that his son just knew that he wasn't a good person, the way he was always frowning at him (that's just his face, like Ballister's) and when he grows up, he seems to not like him much either pipipi

>Anyways one day (being a moody teenager) Cyrus says the typical I hate you, dad!!! D:< and locks himself in his room and Ambrosius' like, D':

>He's always mean too but that's just his teenager personality, sarcastic and stuff and Ballister doesn't take it personal because he knows his son is just like that (hopefully for the meanwhile, until he grows out of it), Ambrosius knows too but he's more sensitive and can't help taking it a bit personal 😔

-Also I got another idea for a small comic based over a kdrama I watched, where the daughter (the oldest of the two siblings) blamed herself over her dad leaving their family, and hated him for leaving too and many things, just very complicated.

>And aaa imagine Cyrus just never saying it but knowing that both of his dads' lives would've been different if he hadn't been born. Like maybe all of Ballister's plans to overthrow the Institute and stuff took longer, and some phases in his plan had to be put in hold because of him and stuff.

>Also for a while he feels like Ballister is bound to Ambrosius for life because of him (little did he know that those two would've been around each other their whole lives anyways, even if he never existed sjdkfs) then he realizes that they actually like and love each other, and then they try having something, or smth, and then he's like oh :) because seeing both of your parents loving each other and getting along is a very nice feeling (I've been told, idk from first-hand experience🧍 cries)

>Actually, I drew this unfinished thing about that, based over another scene in the kdrama I mentioned, where the daughter says, after being told that if her parents hadn't met, she wouldn't have been born, that it'd would've been for the better.

>I know the writing is terrible but Cyrus' complaining about Ambrosius and ending his rant with 'I wish they just hadn't met at all', and Nimona saying that she used to feel the same, but then realized that Cyrus wouldn't have been born, and Cyrus was supposed to say next, 'maybe that would've been better' and then Nimona doesn't answer and just stares at him wwhwh

-AND of course it's not Cyrus' fault that Ballister decided to have him, but he still has the feeling of having messed up his dad's life, and let's say that Ballister realizes for whatever reasons his feelings, connecting dots and stuff.

>So, imagine a conversation where he's saying very reassuringly, Meeting your father and later having you is one of the best things that had happened to me, or something like that. And Cyrus is resolutely not looking at him, but his eyes are getting teary, even if he feigns not acknowledging Ballister's words because how embarrassing, and how vulnerable he feels, but also he feels so relieved and loved too.

>And he doesn't know what to do with the feelings, also being a teenager with no feelings is his thing, y'know, so he's like, Just so you know, I'm not crying over what you said, I don't care about that, something just got in my eye- and Ballister just smiles because his son is terrible at communicating his feelings, but it's okay and he gets it, and just says, of course, let me get it out for you, and then he wipes Cyrus' tears and Cyrus gets a tad bit more teary but it's fine because his dad doesn't mind wiping some more tears wiwiiw

>(projecting so much into him bc when I watched that one scene in the show I cried bc I've felt the way the protagonist did (now I know better tho, I'm the coolest thing to happen to my mom yippiee) and it's a very ugly feeling, so of course I'm giving it to a character whwehw)

Anyways, that's it! I love them so much, I hope to make some more comics about the thingies I said above sjkdfd

[mj-iza-writer]

loving the bat human hybrid stories! what about one where whumper forced hybrid whumpee to go against their bat instincts (ex. being nocturnal, hibernating during the winter, hanging upside down, making bat noises, what have you) in favor of assimilating fully to human behaviors. so when whumpee gets rescued and placed into caretaker’s care, caretaker has to try and convince whumpee it’s okay if they give into their bat instincts and won’t be punished for doing so.

Whumpee forced their eyes open when they heard Whumper coming.

They to slowly started to sit up.

Whumper grabbed Whumpee's throat and slammed them against the wall.

"You turned last night.... admit it", Whumper yelled, "you turned into a bat and tried to fly. Is your wing fixed do I need to break your arm again. It's so easy to do. Your bones are so hollow", Whumper grabbed Whumpee's wrist.

"Please don't", Whumpee pleaded.

With one swift movement....

"Whumpee? Whumpee are you doing alright?"

Whumpee gasped as they woke up. They looked around quickly until a hand reached for them.

"Scree... screeeee.. zzzzzz", Whumpee yelled as they bowed away.

"Okay okay, shh", someone whispered, "Whumpee, it's me, Caretaker. You're going to injure yourself."

Whumpee took shaky breaths as they looked around the room quickly.

Someone scooted a little closer.

"Oh my dear. That must have been an awful nightmare. I'm going to wrap the blanket around you. You are shivering."

"N..no. I'm not allowed too", Whumpee cried, "Whumper is going to break something. I'll never be able to fly again."

Whumpee was held tightly.

"Whumpee, I really need you to focus on your surroundings. You are not there right now. You are safe."

Whumpee looked around again. They blinked the tired haze out of their eyes.

"Ca... Caretaker?", Whumpee whispered after a few minutes.

"Yes Whumpee, it's me", Caretaker hugged them closer, "you are not there anymore. You are safe."

"Mmm sorry", Whumpee lowered their head into Caretaker's chest.

"You don't have to be sorry", Caretaker sighed, "I know those nightmares feel so real for you."

Whumpee nodded.

"Did you want to try flying today? You can try to turn into your bat form again, and we can try flying", Caretaker rubbed circles into Whumpee's back, "it's been a while since you tried."

"It won't work. I lost that ability with Whumper. I can't turn anymore", Whumpee's lip quivered, "they got their wish. I lost so many of my instincts. I can't even turn anymore."

"You sort of turned before", Caretaker reminded them, "can we try again?"

Whumpee thought quietly for a few moments.

"It's late. Humans should be in bed now", Whumpee climbed down shyly from Caretaker's arms.

"Whumpee, you don't function well during the day. That's why we have a nocturnal schedule", Caretaker frowned, "you have everything you need to help your bat instincts. You are allowed to feel them."

"Thankyou Caretaker, I'm just too scared to", Whumpee crawled to their blanket. Their bones were unable to hold them up now because of their time with Whumper.

"Do you at least want to eat before you fall asleep again?", Caretaker reached for the blanket to help them.

"Yes please", Whumpee nodded.

Caretaker carried a plate of Whumpee's favorites back to the room.

"Oh come on", they heard Whumpee complain loudly.

They peaked in and saw Whumpee trying to turn into their bat form. Caretaker sighed at how frustrated Whumpee was.

"You're getting closer", Caretaker finally walked in, "you had wings that time."

Whumpee looked up sadly, "it's no use."

"You can't give up on it. Keep trying, you'll get it", Caretaker sat down on the floor.

"Watch, if I do turn, I won't be able to turn back to human. Though there isn't much for me in this body either", Whumpee looked at the plate and licked their lips, "I'm just a useless leech, just like Whumper said."

"With that attitude", Caretaker frowned, "promise me you'll stop being so negative about yourself, and maybe keep trying."

"I'll try", Whumpee nodded, "could you maybe wrap me up again?"

"I can do that", Caretaker smiled, "here take a bite, and we'll get you wrapped up into a bat burrito."

Whumpee quickly took the bite. They smiled at how good it tasted.

"There's that smile. Food always puts you in a good mood", Caretaker smiled.

"I wasn't allowed to have food like this with Whumper. I never knew how much I appreciated it until it was taken away. I will never stop enjoying it now", Whumpee admitted.

Caretaker whistled as they walked down the hall. They just needed to check on Whumpee. It had been a while.

"Oh my, what is this?", Caretaker frowned when they saw something on the floor, "is it moving?"

They got closer.

"How did a bat get in her.... ooohhh, its a bat!", Caretaker celebrated, "they picked it up without thinking about the possibilities that it was an actual bat. They carried it back into Whumpee's room.

They didn't see Whumpee wrapped in the blankets.

"Whumpee, you did it. You're a full-fledged bat right now. I'm so proud of you", Caretaker held the bat up and looked it over.

"Squee", the bat responded.

Whumpee flapped their wings lightly.

Caretaker nodded and held the bat up.

Whumpee rolled off of their hand and flapped violently.

They fell to the floor and returned to their human form. They winced as they laid their head down.

"Oh goodness", Caretaker hurried to kneel, "are you alright?"

"Oww", Whumpee groaned.

"You did so good", Caretaker lifted them up slightly.

"I fell on my face and tummy", Whumpee sighed.

"You still did so good", Caretaker smiled, "maybe a little too soon to try flying, but you had a perfect bat form."

"Thankyou Caretaker", Whumpee looked at them sadly, "I-I just want to fly."

"Could you turn back again? I want to try something", Caretaker smiled.

Whumpee nodded and grunted as they worked to turn back.

"Squeak", bat Whumpee looked up sadly.

"You look good", Caretaker held them up again and looked them over, "are you ready?"

Caretaker held them up and ran down the hall with them. They turned and ran again.

Caretaker was out of breath when they finished another lap up and down the hall.

They limped to a nearby seat and sat down.

Whumpee was lowered to the floor and Caretaker watched them turn to their human form again.

"That was so much fun", Whumpee looked up excitedly.

"I'm... glad... you... liked... it", Caretaker talked in between breaths, "I... don't... know... how... often... I can... do that."

Whumpee quickly nodded, "I understand. Even just that one time... I felt like I was flying again."

Caretaker smiled, "hopefully we can get you back in the air. Until then, I can try to do that as often as my body will let me."

Whumpee lovingly looked at Caretaker, "you'd do that for me? You don't have to, though. I don't want you to get hurt or tired."

"I want to do it though. The last time I saw you so excited was when I brought you your first plate of food when you got here.", Caretaker sighed as they sat up, "we can figure this out. I promise. Just don't lose hope."

Whumpee nodded as they reached up and wiped their eyes, "thankyou Caretaker."

"You're welcome, my dear little bat."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath

@porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst

@generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened

@freefallingup13 @notpeppermint

@cyborg0109 @idontreallyexistyet

@painfulplots @whumpbump

@everythingsscary @skittles-the-whumpee

@expressionless-fr @theforeverdyingperson

@legendarydelusiongoatee @candleshopmenace

@whumpanthems @lavndvrr

@ivymyers @starfields08000

@a-living-canvas @lumpofsand

@watermeezer @indigoviolet311

@whumpy-mountains @3-2-whump

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@castiels-favorite-hunter @isikedmyself878

@daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud @valravnthefrenchie

@glennemerald @jasperthecapser

@does-directions @deafeninglittlecrown

@jumpywhumpywriter @blackbirdsinatrenchcoat

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @thenormalestever

@whatwhump @galatic-worm

@starmoon-constellation @bacillusinfection

@whumpsandbumps @tobiasbones

I cam almost guess. 80% certain this request came from @realandhumanmanthing . So I hope they and everyone else enjoys the story.

[clarasghosts]

I haven't seen the wwdits finale yet, and based on what I've read about it (critical praise, fan complaints, and some plot points), I don't know that I ever will. one thing (but not the only) that annoys me is this insistence that "nothing ever changes", like that's somehow been the theme of the show all along. but the truth is that didn't become the theme until season four. things very much did change in seasons one through three. guillermo was always a dynamic character from the start of the series, and the discovery of his van helsing side affected members of the household and created tension, ultimately leading to growth and a changing role for him in season three (which seemed to be largely retconned in later seasons). nandor was weary of his long life, which propelled a story arc leading to him leaving the household to travel. after guillermo's arc led to them becoming the new vampiric council, nadja took to power and ambition, and looked forward to what she might be able to do as she rose in status. laszlo's discovery of colin's impending death changed how he behaved toward colin, leading him to do the unthinkable - lie to and separate from nadja in order to take care of a newly birthed baby colin.

these were massive fucking changes in the lives of the characters. season three ended on the note that nothing would be the same. nandor believed he'd been abandoned, nadja was heading to england where she would be in a greater position of power, not knowing her husband had left her at the last moment and trapped guillermo into accompanying her.

and then the start of season four deliberately ignored all of these conflicts and stakes. nadja wasn't actually mad at laszlo. nandor wasn't mad at guillermo or laszlo. baby colin was still there, but by the end of the season, that wouldn't matter either. nadja's vampire council storyline was thrown away with a quick line and brief flashback.

I get that they probably didn't have the budget for something huge abroad, but some close-up exterior shots in some of the older streets on the east coast could pass for some english town, and the rest could be interior shots. the characters could even return to new york without immediately erasing all the conflicts set up at the end of season three. the only real answer for what we ultimately got was bad writing.

I often see people complain that the show went downhill after jemaine left, and I think that's always been more in terms of humor than plot because the season three plot built directly from the season two plot (in all honesty, the humor has been fine for me personally). to me, the writing started to decline after stefani left, and the writers that remained all got hung up on their own egos.

sometimes I wonder what happened behind the scenes. why did stefani leave? she's listed as the co-writer for the season four premiere (which is the start of what I'm complaining about here), but was already no longer an executive producer (no longer had creative control) and then disappears from the writing credits altogether. and, whether related to her or not, I've wondered what led to the writers deciding that, not only would nothing really change in the household going forward, but that the audience should feel foolish for believing things would change. after the disappointment of the writers just throwing away the season three finale, the audience was willing (largely) to go with whatever happened next, embracing marwa's character. only for that to be thrown in our faces by the end of the season. then came the mystery behind guillermo's failed transformation and laszlo's experiments, only for the latter to be dropped as if it never happened.

I don't understand the critical praise for this all being so clever, when it's really just the end product of writers who can write funny scenes and good individual episodes, but largely don't seem able to write actual arcs or plots. it's not just threads never getting resolved, it's also threads never connecting. it's not clever to consistently have no larger vision of what you're writing or not be able to maintain a long and cohesive plot.

[otakuvampyre]

To me, the fault for that lies in two things: first, doctors and hospitals making sure their jobs are highly profitable. Not just a livable wage, but enough to pay off their debts AND have enough money left after to be considered relatively rich. If not for that, healthcare would be much cheaper. And second, investors valuing the money they get from the company rather than the good the company does with their investment. If it's not profitable, the company will crash and people will either be forced to go to a company that does the same or worse, or be forced to pay for it themselves. This is not a black and white "the company is being evil" situation. There are so many reasons insurance companies have to deny claims. It's just not feasible to accept them all. And the fact this particular company doesn't even make that high of a profit makes it clear they can't accept more than they do without going under. I'm not saying denying claims is morally right, but they have to operate like a business or insurance won't exist. There aren't any other options unless you can convince doctors their profession shouldn't be a high-paying job.

Elect people into government positions that will do something. Push for change via stopping the tribalistic bullshit and actually voting for who has the best policies. The only reason Congress won't do anything is cuz we've shown them they can give us shit representatives and we'll take them because they're part of "our team."

Quite frankly, I'm sick of people complaining about politicians, yet every time it's time to elect representatives, be it the president or a congressman or a judge or a governor or whatever, it's always "vote for this guy, he's blue/red." Our politicians being shit is an issue WE created. Every time there's a chance to elect someone better we fall back on tribalistic nonsense.

I get it, we want fast results, and murder seems like the fastest result there is, but it isn't going to turn out how you want it to. History has shown what happens when we decide murder is the way to effect change. It always, ALWAYS, results in something either just as bad or worse than what we wanted to get rid of.

I agree that Luigi isn’t a hero but we do need to do something about these CEO’s that screw over customers or that are so crazy woke. Thankfully Disney got rid of bob chapek but bob Iger needs to get back to pre covid policies and how tickets parks dining plans and hotels were setup

Oh for sure there's a lot of crap that's pulled by CEO's and they take advantage of people and do very condemnable things and they absolutely need to be held accountable for some of the shit they pull but murder isn't the answer.

[god-of-knk]

Finally getting somewhere on this fic jfc. All it took was the Thoughts coming back full force for some fucking reason.

[egophiliac]

don't think I'm not still deep in the episode 7 brainrot. because OH BOY AM I

(also one more extremely, obnoxiously self-referential thing, I'm -- I'm so sorry)

[nakaremfarlei]

Was just thinking about the amount of animals Obi-Wan interacts with compared to literally everyone else and in the Clone Wars episode where Kamino gets attacked he literally gets saved twice by the same ray-like animal and just...

The growth from judging Qui-Gon for the 'pathetic lifeforms' he picks up to whatever he has going on during the Clone Wars era. He must have gotten that from Qui-Gon though, right?

And because it's my brain and it's rotting with all the star wars stuff I am consuming I was thinking of Obi-Wan saving all these creatures and the 212th having to deal with that. Surely they made one of the rooms pet proof in case one of them needs a new home. There also have to be clones who love that because of course Obi-Wan can't really take care of rescues on top of all his duties.

After the first few times this happens Cody learns to order animal food and other necessities. And if the Republic doesn't fulfill these requests or asks too many questions he'll just have to make sure to organize them on planet during the campaigns.

[sparklingdemon]

[envolvenuances]

lesbian masterdoc and the unforgivable damage of making people hear compulsory heterosexuality and think of "can lesbians have crushes on men?" (no) instead of "are heterosexual women settling in unhappy marriages with men bellow their worth because of economic and social pressure?" (yes)