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sorrygotthesesacks · 11 months

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Response to fic request (Malleus, Idia)

For @moody-b1tch, the only person who responded to my "give me two characters and I'll write a few lines of dialogue" invitation.

Which is probably a good thing, because this is ... I don't even know what this is.

Characters: Malleus, Idia, with extra bonus prompt: water

Which is included...metaphorically, I guess.

As usual, this kinda got away from me. Don't think it's good enough to post on AO3 - it's hardly good enough to post here on Tumblr - but it's 1221 words and I do love when the word count is a fun number like that.

Also: TIL that Tumblr has a limit of 30 tags per post. How did I learn this? No reason in particular.

Also also: It used to be 1221 words and then I panicked and rewrote some of it.

“Sometimes it’s better to forget. Pretend it never happened.”

“Is that how you truly feel, Shroud?”

“Gah! You look like you’re ready to incinerate me! Not that I think you’re gonna go all OP again. … Uh, you’re not, right?”

“It would be foolish to repeat such folly. Surely you, of all people, can agree.”

“Of course I agree! I’m just like. Not used to this heart-to-heart protag chat. I’m not some shounen manga hero with an 'I'm-all-fired-up!' speech, and even if I was, it’d be pretty cringe coming from me. Your guards are good at that sorta thing. Especially the big guy. He seriously likes to talk! Or Silver. He’s got that intense princely vibe.”

“Silver and Sebek have had much to say, but it is your thoughts that I am most interested in hearing.”

“Because I’m one of the SSR level problem children? You could talk to anyone else about this! Leona, he was big mad. Your guards were there; they can vouch. Or Riddle! That hothead was the first. He probably has some S tier thoughts on his experience.”

“SSR…? Shroud, I am interested in your thoughts. You hold the power to enter the underworld. To speak with those who have crossed to the other side.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! I can open the gate, but that was a one-time thing, going down there. You saw how that turned out.”

“I did not. I was at Night Raven College, if you recall.”

“Of course you were here. After you went all berserker mode, I don’t think Charon would’ve been enough to get you to the Island of Woe.”

“You could have simply invited me.”

“Invite the great and powerful Malleus to play a sim game? Are you for real?”

“I am quite real.”

“That’s not - yeah, okay. Anyway, it’s more like a curse, the gate opening thing, and not Pumpkin Knight level cool.”

“Is it not? Shoenheit, Rosehearts, and Kingscholar all mentioned that the closer one travels to Tartarus, the colder it gets.”

“I meant it wasn’t exactly fire. Not like … dragon fire, fire. I mean, it’s not…”

“Shroud. I am merely teasing. Is that not what friends do? Lilia and the Child of Man assure me that it is.”

“Friends?”

“We have spent time together. We have shared experiences. Are you telling me that is not common with friends?”

“You sound like Ortho.”

“Your sibling is wise indeed. I understand that it was he who prevented you from using your River Lethe. Come now, Shroud, surely you can agree that at least some of those memories were to be cherished.”

(Eep! Is he serious? Even if I had an IRL trap card to flip this, could I even use one against someone as OP as him?)

“Shroud, are you unwell?”

“I’m f-fine! HP is at max. Wait, what are you doing?”

“Calling Lilia so that he may assist me in translating.”

(Gah, is he really using a synchro summon?) “You don’t need to do that!”

“It appears I cannot. My phone screen is blank. Lilia will be rather cross.”

“Your phone’s broken?”

“It happens frequently. Lilia has told me many times to be careful. My lightning has broken several phones just this semester alone.”

“I, uh, can fix it.”

“You would do that?”

“Hee hee. It just needs to withstand high electrical input. EZ PZ.”

“Lemon squeezy.”

(Did he seriously just say ‘lemon squeezy?’)

“Shroud?”

“EEP! I mean, I was just surprised to hear you say that.”

“Is that not how it goes?”

“No! You got it right! It’s just weird hearing it from the Malleus Draconia.”

“Why is that?”

“It just is! Let me see your phone. I mean, if you trust me with it.”

“Here. You cannot possibly damage it more than I have.”

“How old is this phone? I haven’t seen one of these since pre-5G.”

“Can you repair it?”

“Of course I can fix it, but it needs a serious upgrade.”

“What would you like in exchange?”

“Huh? You don’t have to give me anything!”

“Of course. Because we we are friends.”

“No, we're not!"

“Is there something about myself that causes you hesitation?”

“It’s not that. It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I, too, would like everyone to forget what happened. What I did. The lengths to which I went in order to selfishly hold on to something - to someone - who is dear to me.”

“Where is all this heart-to-heart coming from?”

“If we are to be friends, we should be honest with one another. I have learned that by watching Lilia with Diamond and Al-Asim, and by listening to Silver and Sebek. It is not an easy thing, but I must start somewhere.”

“Why are you starting with me?”

“Because we have a shared experience. This ‘SRR problem child’ status.”

“SSR.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Ah, the uh, it’s SSR, not SRR. It stands for Super Super Rare.”

“That makes what we share uncommon.”

“Yeah, you, me, and five other people. Uh, here’s your phone.”

“You are done with it already?”

“I couldn’t upgrade it more with what I have here, but the screen is fixed, and it has lightning fast internet speed. No pun intended!”

“You do get so easily flustered around me. You are an interesting man, Shroud. Oh, I see Lilia has been trying to reach me. We must do this again.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

“Until we meet again.”

“Yeah, kthxbai.”

“Idia? Was that Malleus Draconia who just disappeared into thin air?”

“Hey, Ortho. Yeah.”

“You have made another new friend!”

“We’re not friends! My HP is critically low after that.”

“Your heart rate is accelerated, but the rest of your vital signs are within normal ranges. And I clearly heard Malleus Draconia state that you are friends!”

“I know you mean well, Ortho, but-”

“I think he needs a friend, too.”

“Malleus Draconia? Needing a friend?”

“We have spent time together. We have shared experiences. This ‘SRR problem child’ status.”

“Idia?”

“Yeah, Ortho?”

“You’re smiling.”

“I was just thinking about the new volume of the Mew Mew Chronicles manga!”

“Yes, I remember. It arrived in the mail just this morning.”

“So of course I’m excited. It’s the only good thing that’s happened since all of this started. I’m, uh, going to the store to pick up some snacks, if you want to go with me.”

(Your heart rate and eye movement tell me otherwise, Big Brother, but I am happy to see you happy.) “Of course! I’m interested in seeing the ingredients in this new mystery flavored fruit twist that Ace Trappola and Deuce Spade were arguing over.”

“It can’t be worse than last year’s pineapple-lemon-licorice mystery flavor.”

Ortho remembered that. It had been very popular the first two weeks, with numerous reactions posted to Magicam. After that, the only person purchasing it had been Lilia Vanrouge. His eyes lit up.

“You should buy some for Malleus Draconia and Lilia Vanrouge! And Silver and Sebek Zigvolt, too! And Cater Diamond, and Rook Hunt, and…”

By the time they were done, they’d purchased a mystery flavored candy twist for all of the third year students, all of the housewardens, plus Silver and Sebek Zigvolt, Ace Trappola and Deuce Spade, the Ramshackle prefect, and Grim (especially Grim).

Ortho’s analysis of the candy indicated the primary flavors were seaweed and cinnamon, and he could hardly wait to see everyone’s reactions.

Everyone's, but especially Idia’s newest friend, Malleus Draconia.

#twst fanfic #sorta #it's lines of dialogue #but a lot of lines of dialogue #and three not-dialogue paragraphs at the end #I tried #Idia Shroud is really really hard to write #Malleus isn't exactly easy but sooo much easier than Idia #idia shroud #malleus draconia #fic prompt #it's not even Halloween themed #missed opportunity right there #don't hate me #this may be the worst thing I've ever written #and that's saying something #not even in a funny way #because I don't know if you know this but I'm hilarious #except not this time #oh no I hear trick or treaters outside and I have like zero candy #which has nothing to do with this not-fic thing #but I still feel really bad about it #so now that's two terrible crimes I've committed on Halloween #this may be one of those posts where I quietly delete it after giving it way too much thought #I am a tweet-and-delete kinda person on That Other App #although tbf I have more reason to be over there #still though I am already overthinking the wisdom of letting this see the light of day #it may still make it to AO3 at some point #Happy Halloween everyone

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callsignbaphomet · 2 years

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The hate the community and even casual fans/players have for Preston Garvey is extremely telling of a lot of things but we're not gonna get into those here at the moment.

The hate Preston gets makes me physically jolt in utter annoyance. The character is very well rounded, the most human of the companions, and dare I say the most relatable. That man went above and beyond the call of duty. One day he woke up and the universe decided to fuck up his entire way of life completely. Not only was everything he believed in shattered by the actions of a bunch of greedy and cowardly assholes but he watched everyone he cared about, looked up to and loved die at the hands of said assholes. On top of that he was then thrown into a position where he was, by all logical calculations, meant to fail. He nearly did, don't get it twisted. He almost did until you, the player, showed up to help. By that time he was emotionally and mentally broken af and hanging on by a thread. All that happened and the few people he managed to safe were slowly dyin' because of things outside of his control yet he powered on for the sake of the survivors.

At any time he coulda said, "'Ey, yo, so I'm out. Glad I got to meet you before y'all died but fuck this." But he didn't because despite what he witnessed he still hung on to his principles and what he believed in even if it woulda killed him. He took one of the worst situations that could fall on any person, ran with it and did the very best he could. He made sure everyone else was safe (at least as safe as they could be given the situation), he looked after everyone else even when he was at his lowest and no one thought to check in on him.

He's also, game wise, one of the best companions to have. Give him a good weapon and he'll mow down every fucker in his way. Give him a good, fully customized weapon and put him in some power armor and he becomes the living embodiment of the phrase "Light 'em up!"

His sweet demeanor and constant checking in on the player is fantastic and wholesome. He took a hit but he got back up and carried on with what he believed in. Every other faction was out looking for themselves and you were always a means to an end. Preston wanted for the people to pick themselves up from the floor, to help each other, to look after each other, to fight back against the wasteland itself, to cooperate (insert obligatory jolly co-op joke here) with each other to build a better and safer world for all.

It's not his fault Bethany slaughtered the character by reducing him to a neverending radiant quest giver with a memeable phrase directing you to an annoying quest. Preston deserved better than what he got from the developers and the community.

#he forever owns my heart #and it breaks my heart to see blatant disrespect and hate for such a wonderful character

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lamouratorrrrry · 2 years

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Extremely Unbiased Thread About Why Kintoki’s Design is Good, Actually

hello. you may call me Luna, however im sure most people here know me as “the kintoki huge tits artist”. today i’ll be doing something quite a bit different than my usual posts, and thats that im going to be analyzing why exactly i think kintoki’s original design is actually really nice. no i am not biased in any way.

the reason for this is that, being a huge fan of kintoki (and frequently browsing his tag on here), a sentiment that i see a lot is “i really like kintoki, but i hate his design/i like his rider and heian designs more”. which is fair! you are very much allowed to think that. all i want is to possibly give a different perspective on why i think the opposite (and to gush about my favorite character).

so come with me on this design-analysis slash luna-talks-about-how-sexy-kintoki-is journey!

(this thread will for the most part be discussing his 1st ascension. the reason being is that he really doesnt change much design-wise as he ascends aside from the big coat in his 3rd ascension. also, its my favorite of the three! see, totally not biased.)

hi handsome ;)

we’ll start at the top and work our way down. first, i need to address the elephant in the room, aka my biggest fate fandom related pet peeve.

this hairstyle? this is not a bowlcut. this is a bob haircut. and its CUTE OKAY. (op has a bob cut and therefore takes these jokes very personally)

a bob is typically longer, enough so to hide the ears. a bob is also meant to frame your face. the bowl cut is much shorter, shows the ears, and is one length all around.

for reference, the only other character that i can think of who cant beat the bowlcut allegations is tsuna. i see a lot of people saying stuff like “wow, they both work for raikou and they both have bowlcuts!” when their hair looks completely different...

firstly, his bob is cute! come on :( second, this haircut has roots in historical kintarou depictions!

this is a kintarou doll, and is clearly what inspired fate kintoki’s hair! despite the rest of his design being very modern inspired, i quite like that he keeps his “historical” hair. i think its a nice little touch/nod to his younger self.

moving on, lets talk about kintoki’s fashion sense.

breasts...

it took me a bit to pin down what i think kintoki’s fashion sense is exactly, and i think its fair to say he’s very 70s inspired. this is extremely funny to me for reasons i will talk about later. after doing some light research, a big *big* staple of 70s mens fashion ive picked up on is having your shirt unbuttoned like. basically all the way. just absolutely tits out, and i respect that so hard.

(technically his extremely popped collar is more 80s, but i think its fair to say hes designed after some amalgamation of decade-fashion)

all kintoki’s missing is a crazy pattern on his shirt. come on raita i believe in you

something else of note is, of course, his jewelry! kintoki very clearly wears a lot of big, bold jewelry like his necklaces and bracelets. ive said it before and i’ll say it now, i wish to god he had been given earrings. that would take his design from a 10 to an 11 imho

one word i see thrown around a lot about kintoki’s design is that its very tacky, and im 99% sure these comments are referring to his obnoxious amount of jewelry. however, i believe kintoki’s design works so well because its tacky. again i’ll talk about this more later, but i think a lot of kintoki’s charm comes from his dorky, tacky accessory choices.

(im sorry kintoki for just straight up putting your crotch on the dashboard)

speaking of tacky and gaudy, kintoki’s belt buckle. yet again kintoki’s quest to look as cool as possible makes him look absolutely silly, and i adore it. i dont have much else to say here except that i love that he wears not one but two belts. (and yet we still see a peak of his underwear in his 2nd and 3rd ascensions? i love him so much) at this point, we all know that kintoki looks the way he looks because hes trying to be as cool as possible in the modern era. but its not very modern, is it? im not sure if this was intentional or not, but a small detail i really really love about kintoki’s design is how... outdated it is. sure decade fashion comes back and becomes cool every few years, but kintoki looks very outdated. again, i think this all adds to his charm. as much as he tries to look like a 21st century cool guy, he just ends up looking like the bully jock in an 80s film.

i want to take a second and talk about another small detail that i absolutely love about his design, and that’s the use of pink. its kind of small, but its present enough that i feel justified talking about it. kintoki has a pink bracelet on his right wrist, his sunglasses are tinted pink, and my personal favorite, he wears pink underwear! judging by the other characters hes drawn, im sure this might just be because raita happens to like pink, but i love the implications here regardless. definitely a “real men wear pink” sort of thing (toxic masculinity? never heard of ‘im). or, maybe kintoki just likes pink almost as much as he loves gold! he has good taste.

and not just pink but hot pink!

(up till this point, ive been talking about and had only planned to talk about berserker kintoki’s 1st ascension design, but for this small portion, i would like to direct your attention to heian kintoki as well:

PINK!! AND LOTS OF IT. kintoki definitely has at least 2 favorite colors.)

this guy slaps your girls ass wyd

lets look at kintoki’s full body one last time. like i mentioned earlier, at first glance he definitely looks like he shoves dweebs in lockers as well he should. and this, i dare say, is the best part of his overall design. i know that at this point when talking about fictional characters, subverting expectations is not exactly a new thing, but i think kintoki does this so well. just look at him. this man wants you to know he goes to the gym. he wants you to know that he’s over 6 feet tall and has a 6 pack. he wears sunglasses at night and indoors for gods sake!!! he’s also extremely kind and dorky. he loves his mom. he loves children and teddy bears, and he respects women.

kintoki’s design is tacky and silly and outrageous and thats exactly why it works so well. it bums me out when i see people write this design off as being ugly just because they think they see a bowlcut, because i personally think a lot of thought went into this. well done raita! i do see why people might prefer his other designs, because its hard to compete with a cool leather jacket or a half-tits out samurai. that being said, this design is my personal favorite of his! his cheerful personality and lack of objective swag has endeared him to me greatly.

this may have been incoherent, but i hope you’ll walk away from this thinking differently about our friend kintoki <3

if i missed anything or you have anything youd like to add, please feel free!

#sakata kintoki #fate grand order #fgo #character design analysis #i guess? theres less analysis here and more me being a proverbial soyjack about kintoki but #take it as you will

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hopeswriting · 2 years

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(pt. 1) Okay, I'd totally love an indepth analysis/deep dive into Kyoya Hibari in terms of EVERYTHING. Like sometimes, I think to myself like wow, everyone loves the guy, but when I think of the reasons why, it's so hard to articulate and elaborate why I would die for this man (half jk). He's not meant to be well-written and developed by Amano because it's pretty obvious that he's just there for mostly badass plot reasons... Nonetheless, his development was very organic, subtle, and believable??

(pt. 2) Like I would like your take on what attracted people to him and ultimately made them STAY for him (other than his pretty boy looks and whole "loves animals and is partial to kids" tidbit LOL). Like what makes him so iconic compared to other black fluffy haired boys who are also asocial (not antisocial contrary to popular belief) and ridiculously strong and near canon-breaking OP? Hibari's just an anomaly even outside of the KHRverse, and lowkey, it's completely amusing to me.

ohhh, this is gonna be a hard one! idk how much indepth i’ll be able to go, because like you said his development was a really subtle one, but i’m happy to share some of my thoughts on this guy.

okay so, the first thing that caught my eye here is how you said hibari is an anomaly compared to other characters with the same character archetype as him, which makes me a bit curious about where you’re coming from with this, because from my experience that character archetype is often well-liked? often becomes a fan-favorite too, even (tho please don’t ask me who i’m thinking of specifically here, because of course i’m coming up super blank right now 😭).

like, i’d argue the primary reason hibari is such an iconic khr character and so well-liked is because he is a black fluffy haired boy who is also asocial and ridiculously strong and near canon-breaking OP. and imho that’s the first and most obvious appeal to him, and i for one am one to agree with this.

it’s the way it does make him an anomaly within the khr universe alone, because the way amano used that character archetype with him specifically, it puts him in a really fun and unique position within the narrative, both in and out of universe, not quite similar to anyone else in the manga even if amano for sure wrote other OP characters in it. it’s the way he isn’t held down by the narrative as much as the other characters, the way he can bend it to his wishes because of how OP he is and how unyielding he is personality-wise generally speaking, which means he has more room to act unpredictably and out of script so to speak, which inherently makes it more interesting to have him around, or at the very least just plain fun to have him around, because literally no one ever knows what he’s up to and what his next move will be, or how long he’ll go along with the script, if at all lol.

and i feel like there’s quite a lot of people that kind of just stop there because that’s all they need? which is like, super valid, and i literally was one of those people too back when i read khr for the first time in middle school. it’s like, he’s pretty and strong and does what he wants and can make other people do what he wants whether they want to or not, and it’s like. what more do the people want, you know zerdfghd? but i do think there’s definitely more to him that subconsciously makes him so well-liked, if not very consciously!

i want to stay a bit more on the subject of his character archetype, because as much as i agree that he's just there for mostly badass plot reasons, and giving him that character archetype worked well for that, amano still, like, really pulled that off, you know? like she didn’t do anything groundbreaking with it for sure, because that wasn’t the point, but she wrote it well.

sure hibari is mostly used for badass plot reasons, but whenever it happens it’s written in a way where it’s never on the nose, and never takes away from hibari as a character first and foremost, if you get what i mean. because whenever it happens it conveniently does work in favor of the plot, but it’s easy to forget that because it’s also always things hibari would do regardless, because that’s just the way he is. amano never lets him be a plot device before being the character we’ve become familiar with, so as far as his character archetype goes, it’s like, there’s appeal in that character archetype in and of itself, but also amano wrote it well within the story in a way that fits right in with both the universe and the other characters, making it even easier to like.

but like i said there’s more to him than that, and the most obvious thing to me when you scratch the surface of his character archetype, is the way that organic, subtle, believable development of his is made through a flat character arc. “The Novel Smithy defines them as, “Flat arcs are still character arcs, but instead of growing and changing as a character, flat arc characters stay the same. Instead, their journey is about learning to uphold their inner truth in a world that doesn’t accept it, allowing them to overcome the external conflict along the way.”” (source) which is the definition i’m going to go with here, because that’s exactly what i mean here when i’m talking about his flat character arc specifically.

it ties right back to how he’s an anomaly within the khr universe in and of itself, because unlike literally any other characters i can think of right now, when we first meet hibari he’s already deeply set in his ways/beliefs/principles/world’s view. and it’s even more apparent because of the fact he’s part of the 10th gen, who are all about growth and finding themselves through the course of the manga, tsuna most of all--who start that growth when the manga starts, unlike hibari who’s already at the end of that journey, and has been there for who knows how many years lol.

but because amano needed him to not be out of place within the story, not that much anyway, or, like, not in that way, because she needed him to still fit in with the 10th gen and still be relevant within the khr narrative without changing that primary, core fact of his character because that’s the whole point of him, that’s what he brings to the table and is meant to bring to the table, she gave him a flat character arc to go through, shifting the focus on the external conflict when it came to him, while it’s all about the internal conflict the external conflict brings upon for the other characters, if that just made sense lol. (also that was a long ass phrase zedfgvhcd, my bad.)

and yet, by giving him that character arc, whether it was by design or a lucky mistake, tho i’d agree he wasn’t meant to be well-written and developed by Amano, it still gave him just enough room for him to have a growing journey of his own, in his own way, which let him get that very organic, subtle, and believable development he has. because like the definition says it, that character arc does come with a learning curve, so like. i’m not sure how to say this, but like, instead of having hibari just managing to uphold his inner truth and stays exactly the same as he was before, instead by managing to do that it also gives him a deeper, new understanding of his inner truth every time, without never changing what it is at its core.

his rivalry with mukuro and why he fixates on him the way he does come to mind here, which i think is the example that best illustrates my point here. it’s like, he lost against him, all strong that he was, failing to protect and keep safe what is important to him, even if that’s the whole point of him being strong to begin with. and even if eventually he managed to reassert that inner truth of his in a way, defeating mukuro with his strength, which was a key part of mukuro’s defeat as a whole, it also definitely wasn’t what brought upon mukuro’s defeat the most, so what now, you know? where does he go from there, and what does that mean for his inner truth that presumably had never failed him before that?

on another note, having that character archetype with that character arc puts hibari in a situation of his own in yet another way. you know how i said khr is all about growth? and how that growth happens through the characters having to deal with situations well beyond their control? well, hibari not having to deal with that growth in the same way kind of lets him be the voice of stability so to speak.

and yeah, i KNOW okay zefghgfdg, and i totally agree he’s the most unpredictable character in the manga, whether you’re an ally or an enemy, or even if you’re the person closest to him or family, see kusakabe or fon. literally all anyone can ever do is guess what his next move will be, and be wrong most of the time lol, but hear me out.

he’s unpredictable to them, and to anyone but himself because even if he’s actually fairly consistent in the way he acts, he just doesn’t care to let anyone else in on the know lol. he’s even consistent quite in the simple way too, like. it goes something like this: if you break his rules he’ll bite you to death, if you’re strong he’ll bite you to death, if you’re annoying he’ll bite you to death, and if he thinks you can entertain him, even if not right away, then sure, he’ll play nice for a bit before biting you to death. so yeah, i’d argue he’s actually a very steady, stable and predictable character in this way.

but mostly when i call him the voice of stability, i mean for the readers, you know. it’s the way everyone always goes “oh thank god, hibari’s here”, or “oh it’s hibari, there’s nothing to worry about”, or “if hibari was here, things wouldn’t be as bad (anymore)”, OR “oh god, shit, fuck, hibari’s here, everyone hides--”. because even if you can never be sure if he’ll make everything better or worse, the one constant you can always be sure of is that all bets are off whenever he shows up, and i think that comfort he gives by always remaining unfazed and un-overwhelmed by all the dire, high-stakes, overwhelming plot-situations happening earns him non-negligible points too.

oh yeah, also! real quick, but re: amano not writing him as more than a plot device, but also really pulling off writing him that way, because on the note of him being the voice of stability and him going through a character arc reverse to the others’, it really lets him balance the overall plot in a way that enhances it. and i’d go as far as to say in a way it just wouldn’t be the same without him too.

i’m thinking the whole gola mosca trap thing during the varia arc for example. any other guardian, any other person, and xanxus would probably have had to retrieve mosca before it went berserk, but because hibari is the way he is, because he simply would have never cared to be cautious of something that was clearly fishy, not when he could bite xanxus to death instead, well, we all know how it went. so even if hibari is among the guardians with the least amount of focus through the manga, he’s still so inherently tied to the plot all the same, he’s also among the ones you remember most and are most familiar with.

and THEN you take all of this together, the way he’s such in a unique position in different ways within the khr universe compared to literally any other character, and his interactions with other characters are by design also very unique and fun and interesting to see. it always brings to light sides of them we don’t really get to see otherwise, or don’t get to see in such an obvious way otherwise, and sometimes it’s even the opportunity for small character development/insight, and on both sides too.

for hibari it’s about him adjusting to being held by the same narrative standards as the other characters whenever he interacts with them or acts in concert with them, which is always an insight into what he’s willing and thinks worth compromising his ways for. as for what sides of him it brings to light, mostly his patience, and his ability to play the long game to get to his own goals.

for the characters interacting with him, well, it’s of course on a case by case basis. for dino for example, it was the opportunity to show his mafia boss side when it came to his fighting skills during the varia arc, because hibari wasn’t going to let him tutor him in any other way. and i can’t think of any other example lol, but you get what i mean.

and if nothing else, it’s just plain fun to see those interactions, because they always come down to negotiating and/or bribing hibari so he’d willingly go along with the plot for once lol.

and that’s what i personally think is the holy trinity of why hibari is such an iconic, well-liked and fan-favorite character. i’m gonna use the word fun again, because basically i think it’s really what it all comes down to. he’s fun to have around, fun to see interact with other characters, and fun to see him not caring about the narrative he’s existing within lol. and yeah he wasn’t written to be any kind of groundbreaking or complex, is mostly merely used as a convenient plot device, but whether by design or a lucky mistake, he still got to be a little more than that, and actually have something he himself could add to the plot/narrative, as well as meaningful relationships with other characters.

that, plus the fact amano still gave him traits that weren’t meant to ever be plot-relevant or to be able to be used as a plot device. like you said he loves animals and is partial to kids, and has a soft side that comes out whenever they’re involved, but he’s also hardworking, actually owning his position as the disciplinary committee chairman by being shown doing the less fun work of it on the administrative side of things, and even sacrificing his own fun so he could do that, like when he didn’t get involved in the snowball fight.

he’s also committed to it and reliable, and has the trust of the nami middle students when shit hits the fan like with mukuro, because they know he doesn’t just use the DC as an excuse to bite people to death, and that it is really all about rules and discipline and keeping the peace of nami middle safe and lasting. he’s no hypocrite either, holds everyone to his rules and punishes them when they break them, but he also holds himself to rules he agrees to abide with, like when they fought for the best place to see the cherry blossoms bloom.

he’s playful, likes (one-sided) snowball fights and forces people into one-sided games where he gets to bite them to death if they wake him up from his naps. he’s funny, whether because he doesn’t care to acknowledge and be aware of the narrative he’s existing within lol, or because of that smart mouth of his. he’s over the top too, showing up to the shimon island by helicopter and jumping from it instead of waiting for it to land, and getting himself hospitalized for mere colds lol. etc, etc (tho i feel like i pretty much covered everything here zerdfghgff).

and you know, it’s not meaningful in the way everything i said above is, but it is meaningful in the way where it makes him that much more of a relatable and well-rounded character.

and then of course, the cherry on top of all this is once again the very organic, subtle, and believable development he went through. i don’t feel quite qualified enough to go over this point in details, but it all comes down to him confronting the fact that even the people he sees as weak have their own ways to protect what’s important to them, and have strength in their own ways even if it’s not the same type he has and swears by, and to him coming to respect it and even help it grow even stronger and stand by it, while still upholding his own definition of strength as the be all and end all of everything.

i think the best example that comes to mind here is when he explicitly makes part of his fight against adelheid about helping tsuna finds his resolve again and finds what his pride is. because i mean, the hibari we first meet at the start of the manga? he just would have never, and would have never cared to.

and that’s pretty much everything i have to say about him! and idk if i covered the “everything” you were talking about? but if there’s something specific you wanted to have my take on, you’re welcome to let me know about it so i can give it to you!

and generally speaking if you expected something else or just want to talk about hibari and whatnot, i’d say @ chierry, @ indigosprite and @ lecritiquedouce are quite qualified for that too.

thank you for the ask! i’ve never really needed or got the opportunity to pick apart hibari like this, so this was a lot of fun to do. and sorry i took a bit of time answering you, but things went crazy for me literally just around when you sent me this ask lol.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr asks #khr meta #hibari kyoya #hope i make sense i feel like i just rambled incoherently lol #crispee

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

Note

Hi! Anon here who asked you to clarify what the post meant: thank you so much! I really appreciate it. English isn't my first/native language so when I was reading the post I was just like "okay.. i know what all these words mean on their own :S but what is the point of the post". So once I read your explanation, it clicked.

And if I think about it, ultimately, I think I was getting confused because even though I was getting it somewhat (when reading the original op), I was already thinking with your 2 points in mind you listed that are missing and I was mostly just "what is this person on about? why can't we just exist and enjoy our porn in peace knowing it's porn and fantasy and stuff." Things along those lines.

"Plenty of actual fic content is regressive twaddle. That’s not the thing that’s special about fic at all! Many of the early acafans who waxed lyrical about how slash fandom was feminism or whatever literally just meant that women writing badwrong horny art and not apologizing was a big deal."

Yes, I agree. To me, fandom, fic and such things were always a place where I could go and be myself. Like I never felt bad about my fandom and fic stuff (or my kink stuff in general) personally but I knew that internet wise and IRL wise my experience of existence as a human being (I'm a cis female) was just different. On the internet, in fandoms especially, people just treated me like a person and I was listened to. And we could talk, exchange ideas/tropes and overall connect. In real life however, I would either be met with "you're being weird" or "hurdur it's always the quiet ones ;) ;) ;)" depending on the context, and with the first I can be like "ah whatever" but with the second one I gag every time. Let me just exist and vibe goddammit!

"But I will grant that I’ve seen plenty of idiots claiming fic is more woke than other types of iddy writing or calling fandom progressive or feminist or subversive without making it clear why they think it qualifies, and this post is a reasonable critique of those claims."

And I agree with this too. I've seen plenty of folks saying how sometimes fic is better than published novels for example, and while sure... someone could write a fic that reads better than some published novels... I recognize the fact that there's gonna be shitty (or whatever) writing both in fic and novels and it's nothing special. Shitty writing is shitty writing and good writing is good writing, whether it's in fic or novels.

Anyway, when it comes to the last part.. I'm aware of breeding kink haha, but like I already said. I think it went over my head because again, like you- I'm of the opinion that it's not transphobic because I assumed/knew that that specific type of fic was written by horny trans people who want that sort of content. I remember reading the quote and thinking "...but who else would be writing this? where are you going with this?"

I think my overall confusion is because I feel like I'm reading a comparison between two different things as if they're the same thing? Like in my mind, meta analysis and introspection all that is one thing and then porn you get off to is a different thing. BUT I guess I GET IT NOW (at least I hope I do, I'm so sorry if I sound like a moron), if they think those fics were written by people who aren't horny trans folks aka cis people who would be then stereotyping.

I'm so sorry this ended up being so long. But I wanted to thank you again so much!! I really appreciate it. You're amazing. <3

Thanks, anon!

I don't know that poster, so they could mean plenty of things, but my guess about the meta vs. fic comparison is that they're thinking: "Man, people keep talking about fic like it can fix representation problems, only when I actually go to look for fic, all I find is porn I hate."

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amazingmsme · 3 years

Text

Well if You Really Don’t Like Him...

AN: Here’s that fic about Godot flirting with Phoenix just to get at Edgeworth. This was seriously SO much fun to write! Ugh I love all these dorky ass lawyers, I need more content. So here you go, have some jealous Edgeworth, flustered Wright, & a very flirty Godot, all served to you on a silver platter!

Godot sat in the prosecutions office, reading over some old case transcripts. Detective Gumshoe was mulling about the room, browsing some of the books on the shelf. Godot snickered to himself, drawing Dick's attention.

"Something funny Prosecutor?" he asked with a curious smile. It was rare that he heard the other man laugh, so it warmed his heart to hear the sound.

"Yeah, actually. I can't help but notice... Is something going on between Edgeworth and Trite?" he asked, holding a page closer as he inspected the words. "I mean, it's hard to pick up a person's tone just from text, but I can't imagine another way to interpret this," he mused.

"Who? Oh you mean Wright! Yeah, we've all been wondering the same thing. He and Prosecutor Edgeworth have more chemistry than a chemical reaction!"

Godot smiled and shook his head. "Your analogy is weaker than decaf, but your point still stands."

"Hey!" Gumshoe shouted defensively, pouting at the other man's words.

"So I'm not crazy? Do they actually like each other? Because I can't possibly find any other meaning behind, "Court is no place for such fanciful stories. But if you drop by my office, I'd be more than willing to... indulge you?" Did Miles actually say this shit?" he asked, barely containing his laughter. One hand pressed against his forehead, fingers curling in the white locks as his shoulders shook with his chuckles.

"Heh, yeah I remember that. Poor Nick blushed redder than a ripe tomato!" he exclaimed, smiling at the memory.

"Hm, so Trite embarrasses easily? That's interesting," he hummed.

Detective Gumshoe shrugged. "Yeah, but he seems to get flustered a lot more when Edgeworth's involved," he explained. He found the book he'd been searching for, and bid him ado with a nod and quick wave. Diego was left pondering the new information, a sly smirk forming on his face.

The next day he strode into Edgeworth's office with even more swagger than usual. He sat on the corner of his desk, crossing one leg over the other. He slurped his coffee loudly to gain the other's attention. Miles sighed and glanced up at him.

"May I help you?"

"Who me? Nah, I just came in here to chat," he said, but the grin on his face told of an underlying motive.

"Please, you of all people are the last to want to chat while working. What's really going on?" he asked, cutting to the chase. Godot shrugged.

"A little birdie told me you might have feelings for Trite."

Miles stiffened, but other than that showed no outward emotions. "His name is Wright, and that's preposterous. I merely admire his skill in court and respect him as a peer. You would be wise to do the same."

"Really? 'Cause Dick sure thinks there's something more to it," Diego said. Edgeworth snorted out a puff of air in lieu of a laugh.

"And you believed him? Gumshoe is a well intentioned man, but he can let his imagination get the better of him."

"Transcripts don't lie bud. And I can smell the truth like a fresh pot of coffee." Miles rolled his eyes.

"Of course you can," he said sarcastically. "Now if you're done reciting your little fairytales, I'd love to get back to work," he said, opening a thick binder and smacking Godot's leg with the front half as he opened it. He stood, getting the hint.

"You know, that reminds me of something you said to Trite in court," he spoke as he began to pace the room. He piqued his interest, so he continued. "Something about fanciful stories, and him stopping by your office to "indulge" you," he said using air quotes.

Miles abruptly stood, slamming his hand on the desk. "That's out of context!"

Godot shrugged, swirling the coffee in his cup. "Trust me, the context doesn't make it sound any better. I'm surprised the two of you ever manage to reach a verdict, what with all the flirting going on."

"It's not flirting! It's merely playful bickering between childhood friends, nothing more," he reasoned.

"Is that what you call it?" he asked, cocking his head to the side and stuffing his free hand in his pocket. Edgeworth practically growled at him, shooting a harsh glare his way.

"What exactly are getting at Godot?" he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"So you really don't like Trite?"

"For the last time, his name is Phoenix Wright. The fact that you don't refer to him as such is wildly immature and petty."

Godot smirked in triumph. "You sure are defensive of him."

"Of course I am; he's my friend and a talented attorney who, might I remind you, proved my innocence and convicted my father's true murderer. So I won't stand idly by while you blatantly disrespect him," he snapped. He turned his back to him, busying himself with straightening stacks of paperwork.

"You misinterpret my intentions," he said, holding up his hand placatingly. Edgeworth looked over his shoulder, watching as he sipped his coffee.

"Then enlighten me."

"I admit I've been giving him a hard time. But most guys do that when they have a crush," he bluffed. Miles whipped around to face him.

"Ha! You're lying through your teeth, I know how much you despise him," he said, seeing right through the lie.

"Do you? Or was that just a front I put up to hide my feelings?" Edgeworth paused, considering the possibility.

"I don't know what your angle is, but you should stop while you're ahead. If you're only doing this to get at me, then I'm telling you right now it will all be in vein. But please, don't bring Phoenix into this if it's only a farce. He's had his heart broken before, and I won't allow you to needlessly toy with his emotions."

"Aw, how noble. Truly a knight in shining armor. But if you aren't in love with him, why should you care?"

Edgeworth recoiled, a pink tint coloring his cheeks at the L-word. "B-because he's my friend!"

Godot smiled softly, staring at his reflection in the dark liquid inside his cup. "I wondered what had happened to the hard ass prosecutor I knew. What made you go soft. But then I met Mr. Wright," he said, complying with his wishes and using his actual name.

"Don't act like I was someone to admire. I had lost myself and forgot what justice really meant. He merely opened my eyes," he explained.

"Now that's sounds like a love confession if I've ever heard one. You two go together like coffee and cream: he sweetened the dark bitterness you're known for and made you more palatable."

Edgeworth straightened to his full height, hair falling in front of his face. "Excuse me? I refuse to be insulted in my own office!"

"Well that was hardly an insult."

"You just called me bitter an insinuated that I was intolerable," he deadpanned.

"Heh, I did, didn't I? Well I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"Whatever. I request that you leave my office so that I may get back to work," he said, sitting back down at his desk.

Godot snorted in amusement. "That's the kindest way I've ever been told to get the hell out."

"Now."

"Alright, alright." He turned to leave, but paused at the door. Miles sighed deeply.

"What now?"

"If you really don't like him, then you shouldn't mind if I flirt with him, right?" he asked smugly. Edgeworth's head snapped up with a gasp. He made to stand, a protest already on the tip of his tongue, but Diego shut the door before he could say anything.

Miles was left in his office, seething with a quiet rage. He couldn't go after him, that would only prove his point. So he did the only thing he could think to do. He pulled out his phone and texted Franziska.

be mean to Godot

A few minutes later, his phone dinged with her reply.

lol ok. Why?

because we're mad at him >:(

what did that fool do now?

He thought about his answer carefully before sending it.

he's going to break Wright's heart

No, he couldn't send that.

he accused me of being in love with Wright

He shook his head, deleting the message and starting over.

nothing. Just let him know you're angry

haha got it. I'll whip his mask clean off his face! >:)

He chuckled softly at his sister's antics.

maybe not that mean

By the next day, Miles had mostly forgotten about his conversation with Godot. That was until he walked into the courthouse and was greeted by his stupid smug face.

"There you are Edgey boy!" he greeted enthusiastically, coffee sloshing in its mug.

"Don't call me that."

"Right, only Phoenix can call you that," he teased. Miles allowed a smirk to grace his features.

"Or Larry. He was the one who came up with the nickname after all." Godot hummed as he walked beside him. For a moment, the only sound was their shoes clacking in unison on the linoleum tiles. Then they spotted Phoenix and Maya come out of a debriefing room. Miles shot Godot a glare.

"Don't you dare," he threatened.

"Oh I dare," he said, trotting away and over to his target. Phoenix spotted him coming his way and quickly turned around, grabbing Maya's arm and speed walking away. He kept his head down and eyes focused on the ground. Maya let out a small "ope" sound as he dragged her along. She looked over her shoulder to see what made Nick turn so abruptly down the hall.

"Uuuh Nick? Godot's jogging right towards us," she whispered.

"I know," he said, keeping his voice down.

"Well what did you do?" she asked before plastering on a wide smile to hide her confusion when the man approached suddenly. "Heeeey!" she waved, coming off as overly friendly in an attempt to hide the fact they were just talking about him.

"Hey Trite, whatcha been up to?" he asked, sidling up next to him. He slung his arm around his shoulders and pressed into his side. Phoenix made a small noise of shock, body going rigid.

"Umm, I was in a briefing," he said, casting a glance towards Maya. She merely shrugged.

"That's nice. So what's this case about?" he asked, letting genuine curiosity seep into his voice. Edgeworth was grumbling to himself as he stormed after him. He needed to intervene somehow.

Phoenix was slightly taken aback by the question. "Oh! It's nothing too exciting, just an assault charge."

Godot clicked his tongue, tipping his mug in his direction. "That's a real shame, your best work is on murder cases."

Wright blinked in surprise. "Really?" he asked skeptically. "I thought you said that I was a sloppy rookie who didn't deserve to be where I am today," he sassed, crossing his arms and looking him up and down.

He winced slightly, hearing his own words said back to him. He needed to try to smooth this over to seem sincere.

"Oooooo," Maya said in typical childish fashion, like when another student is called to the principal's office. She shut herself up when Godot shot her a look. A small, guilty smile was still on her face however.

Edgeworth had been able to hear most of the conversation and was eager to hear the prosecutor dig himself out of that one.

"My opinion of you is starting to change amigo," he said smoothly, taking a sip. Phoenix's eyes widened in surprise.

"I'm truly shocked to hear you admit that you've changed your mind," Miles spoke snidely. He purposefully stood closer to Phoenix, subtly separating the two. Godot noticed and smirked.

"What can I say? It's called growing as a person," he snarked back. Godot reached out and grabbed Edgeworth by the shoulder, then had the gall to shove him out of the way. He leaned into Wright's personal space, posture lax with one hand in his pocket. Phoenix had a nervous grin on his face, cheeks growing pink.

"Aaah I'm- glad for the personal development," he said, arching his back a bit to lean away. He gave a quick and confused glance towards Miles, as if to say "what the hell's going on?"

"Didn't anyone ever teach you about personal space? I'm sure he would prefer not to have to smell your coffee breath," he scolded, and this time it was Godot's turn to blush from embarrassment.

Maya snorted and giggled softly, and Phoenix had to plaster his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. His cheeks were puffed up with air as he struggled not to chuckle along. The sight was utterly adorable, and Miles felt pride in the fact that he made him laugh.

Godot's lip twitched in an angry sneer as he straightened his tie. "For your information, my breath is perfectly fine. I make sure to always have gum on me," he explained. Maya and Phoenix shared a look somewhere between amusement and annoyance at their exchange.

Godot looked over at Phoenix and flashed his most dazzling smile. "After all, you never know when you'll need fresh breath."

He let out a quiet gasp, eyes shifting down to his mouth for a split second. Godot pulled out his pack of gum, flicking it open with his thumb. "Care for a piece?"

"Oh! I-um- sure," he stuttered, reaching out and taking one.

"Sweet! Can I have some?" Maya asked, batting her eyes. Godot looked down at her, deflating slightly as he remembered she was there. "Oh, yeah I guess," his voice didn't have near the same tone as when he was addressing Phoenix. She either didn't notice or didn't care, snatching two pieces of gum. She offered one to Edgeworth, which he accepted with a soft smile.

"Thank you Maya. I think I'll save mine for later. Like you said, I never know when I'll need a fresh mouth," he said, looking at Phoenix as he finished the sentence.

He smiled and looked down at the floor as his cheeks got redder.

Maya didn't know what was going on exactly, but she could definitely sense the awkward tension between Edgeworth and Godot. And it was clear that Phoenix was caught in the middle of their exchange.

"Um, I'm just gonna pick Pearl up from the play room," she excused herself, heading to the courthouse's daycare.

"Oh good. Maybe Edgey would like to go with you," he volunteered the other to leave. Phoenix quirked a brow hearing the nickname leave Godot's mouth. "Since when did you start calling him that?" He only received a shrug and a crooked grin in return.

"No offense Maya but I would not. Wright and I have plans for lunch," he bluffed, making said plans up on the spot.

"We do?" Phoenix asked, brows furrowing. Then his eyes widened as he caught on. "Oh yeah we do!" He stood next to Edgeworth, his shoulders releasing visible tension as he did so.

"Oh really? Where are you eating?"

They responded in unison, but with different answers.

"Jack's Burger Shack."

"Sashimi Temple."

Godot smirked, catching them in their lie. "Well? Which is it?"

"We haven't decided," Wright said, looking at Miles for "confirmation."

"Right. I'm good with whatever you want," he said, smiling at Phoenix.

"How can you tell when he's agreeing with you and when he's just saying your name?" Godot teased. He couldn't help but giggle at the question.

"Heh, I don't know, I guess I've just learned how to tell the difference," he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, a half smile on his face and eyes squinted shut. Godot couldn't help but notice the strain on the fabric of his suit as he stretched his arm.

"Whoa, you been workin' out Trite?" he asked and before he could answer, he reached out and squeezed his bicep. His face flushed at the contact.

"Oh y-yeah, you noticed? Glad to see it's starting to pay off," he said, admiring his own arms. He flexed again, striking a new pose.

"Mind if I start calling you espresso? 'Cause you sure can pack a punch," Godot all but purred. Edgeworth couldn't believe that Phoenix was falling victim to his sleazy charm. Who was he kidding, if someone as attractive as Godot hit on him, he'd cave just as quickly. He had to refrain from sneering.

"Ha! If you want I guess you could. But don't start calling me short," he said pointedly, but with just enough playfulness to still be considered flirty. Miles's eyes were still transfixed on Wright's admittedly large biceps. Godot saw the opening and took the shot.

He snapped his fingers right in his face to gain his attention. H blinked and flinched, attention drawn to his smug face. "Earth to Edgeworth. You copy?" He scoffed and shoved the hand out of his face. Phoenix nudged him gently.

"If you wanted to feel them too you could've just said so," he teased.

"That's not-" but his denial died on his tongue when he was met with both of their knowing looks. He turned his head away but still reached out to feel his arm. There was no way he was passing up that opportunity.

"Hard as a rock, huh?" Phoenix asked and yes, he was totally fishing for compliments.

"I was going to say like sculpted marble," he said smoothly. Miles couldn't let Godot be the only one flirting with him. Said man only smirked wider, seeing as he was proven right. Regardless what Edgeworth said after this, it would be undeniable that he had feelings for the defense attorney.

"So, you got room for one more or are you dining at a table for two?" he questioned, subtly inviting himself. Edgeworth was ready to shoot down the request, but Wright beat him to it.

"Uh, sure you can join." Curse his kind nature.

"Sweet. Not as sweet as you, coffee creamer," he let his voice drop an octave, flashing another dazzling smile. Phoenix giggled and hid his face in one hand.

"Oho man, that was like, really stupid."

"Made you laugh, didn't I?" he teased, propping his elbow on his shoulder as they walked. Miles walked behind them and watched the prosecutor like a hawk, gritting his teeth all the while. He was relieved when they got to the parking lot.

"Wright, would you be a dear and ride with me? I'd like your opinion on this case I'm working on," he requested. He immediately perked up and walked over, leaving Diego's side.

"Sure, I'd love to! It'll be nice to give my legs a break from all the pedaling," he joked, walking over to his car and pulled the door handle. When it didn't open he frowned and tried again. And again. He kept pulling, making the annoying clicking noise each time it failed to open the door. "Miiiiiles," he whined.

He shook his head with a fond smile, chuckling softly. He unlocked the car just as Phoenix tugged again. He wasn't expecting that and stumbled a few steps backwards. Godot, never one to miss an opportunity, purposefully knocked his foot out from under him, just so he could catch him in a dip.

Edgeworth gasped as he saw him fall, clenching his fist as he watched Godot swiftly catch him like some kind of techno prince charming. Phoenix let out a small yelp as he fell, gripping onto his vest as he was caught.

His mouth was slightly agape as he stared up at Godot. He wore a sly yet heart-melting grin. Phoenix stuttered out a quiet thank you.

"It was no problem. Be sure to watch your footing next time though," he said, clicking his tongue. The ace attorney felt his heartbeat quicken and butterflies fluttered inside his stomach. Edgeworth's eye twitched in anger and he cleared his throat.

"If my eyes serve me well, which they do, it was you who tripped him," Miles called him out. Godot shrugged guiltily and helped steady him on his feet.

"What can I say? It was just too tempting, just like how you look in that suit," he went on to compliment him. Phoenix's eyes widen, cheeks flushed. He ran a hand through his hair nervously.

"M-me?" Godot nodded.

"Mhmm. It really brings out your eyes. Not to mention how nicely tailored it is." He bit his lip, looking him up and down. "You're about as enticing as a hot steaming cub o' joe," he flirted, laying it on thick. Wright's face turned beat red and he looked at the ground, flattered giggles leaving his lips. He tugged on the collar of his shirt. Edgeworth was by his side in an instant, ushering him closer to the car.

"Where you off to in such a hurry?" he taunted.

"Jack's Burgers," he practically growled, walking around the front of his car. He plopped in the driver's seat as Phoenix closed his door, waving at Godot as they drove off.

Edgeworth's jaw was set and he gripped the wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. Phoenix placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and he relaxed slightly.

"Miles what's wrong? You've been in a bad mood since I've seen you. Is it the case? Is that why you've been so grumpy?" he asked, concern clearly written on his face.

He sighed deeply. He should probably be honest with him- or rather halfway honest. He couldn't possibly tell him the whole truth.

"Actually I lied about that. I simply wanted to get away from him." Phoenix snorted in amusement.

"What's this? The great Miles Edgeworth lying? This must be serious," he chuckled, bumping their shoulders together.

He seemed to relax now that it was just the two of them. "He was really starting to get on my nerves."

"Yeah I noticed. He seemed to be in a lot better mood today, especially towards me. I don't know, but I can't help but think he's after something," he pondered aloud. Miles glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

"He's a top prosecutor, he's always after something."

"You're not," Phoenix said gently. Edgeworth took a breath to steady himself.

"How do you know we're not after the same thing?" They reached a red light and he turned to look at him.

"I'd ask what it is, but I have a feeling you won't tell me," he smirked.

"You're right, as usual."

"Well it is my name after all," he joked. Miles chuckled and shook his head.

"That was awful. Why did I laugh?"

"Because you love me," he teased. Oh if only he knew how accurate that statement was.

"Heh, I suppose I do somewhat."

"Nah you adore me. Admit it, I'm your favorite person," he goaded, leaning into his personal space. He even went as far as to lay his head on his shoulder.

"You're tied with Franziska," he admits.

"Wow, that's high praise." He hummed in agreement.

When they arrived at the diner, Godot was already waiting for them. Miles rolled his eyes as he spotted him leaning against the wall near the entrance. And where the hell did he find a toothpick? One leg was propped against the brick, arms folded across his chest and fuck he looked cool. If Edgeworth were a lesser man, he'd want to slap him.

"There you are! For a hot second there I thought you might've changed your mind and tried to ditch me," he taunted.

Miles wore a bored expression. "Don't tempt me."

"Hey, what happened to the Edgeworth that was in the car? All relaxed and smiley?" Phoenix asked, even poking his cheek to try and break the stern facade. He couldn't help but grin at the playful gesture.

"Ah, probably 'cause I'm here," Godot waved him off.

"Yes, that's precisely it," he answered with a rude smirk. Phoenix gasped.

"Miles!" he scolded.

"No no, it's completely my fault. I barged into his office and gave him a rude awakening of sorts. Please, allow me to make it up to you. Edgey."

He scoffed and Godot wrapped his arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. "Lunch, my treat." When Miles turned to look at him, they were practically nose to nose. And Godot was so smug, it was infuriatingly amusing. He cracked a smile and shook his head.

"I'd be a fool to pass up a free lunch."

"Atta boy!" he cheered, pulling Phoenix closer in the same manner.

They were seated at a booth in a corner. Godot motioned with a bow for Phoenix to sit first. He chuckled and slid into the seat. Before Miles could make it to the seat next to him, Godot sat down in the empty spot in one fluid movement. He shot Edgeworth a victorious smirk.

Wright picked up on the tension, drumming a rhythm on the table and whistling quietly. He tried to make small talk.

"Sooo Godot. Saying you like coffee would be an understatement. I'm curious, if you could make your own coffee, what would you call it?"

He perked up at the question, scratching the stubble on his chin. "I couldn't just make one coffee, I'd have a whole brand. It would be an assortment of the darkest roasts and combination blends out there. I think our signature brew would be called Laser Beans. Ya get it? Like laser beams but it's coffee beans," he rambled on about his imaginary coffee business.

"Please, you do not have to explain the elementary concept of your pun," Miles quipped. Just for that, Godot scooted closer to Wright.

"Another popular blend: number 162, the Phoenix. Strong and sweet, with an unexpected fiery kick that rises from the grounds. Just what you need on those long, rough days." Phoenix gulped, staring at the red lines of his mask. Godot cocked his head, looking over at a furious Edgeworth.

"Wouldn't you agree Miles?"

"Yes- I mean no- I mean- I'm not much of a coffee person," he fumbled over his words. He jerked his head to the side, focusing on a crack in the wall.

"I think he's just too embarrassed to admit it," he whispered loudly, making eye contact with Miles as he said it.

"Heh, yeah you got him good with that one," Phoenix agreed.

"Ngh- who's side are you on anyways?" he asked defensively.

"My side," he said, clearly proud of himself. Miles softened at those words, unable to stay annoyed at him.

"Of course you are."

The waiter came and took their drink orders before leaving them be.

"I'm surprised you got water. I was expecting coffee," Phoenix mused.

"It's important to stay adequately hydrated," he explained, browsing through the menu.

"With how much you drink it, I would've thought you'd drop dead asleep without it," Edgeworth teased, looking at his own menu.

"Nah, I could drink eight cups and go to sleep right after. I'm used to the caffeine," he said casually.

"Wait, then what do you do when you need to stay up? Drink a whole pot?" Phoenix asked, bumping their shoulders together. He turned to him with his most charming smile.

"Well, instead of coffee keeping me awake, I could just have you," he said in a sultry voice. Phoenix flushed a dark crimson with an embarrassed, lopsided grin on his face as his eyes shifted between Godot and Miles. He was rendered speechless, the only sound he was able to make was a drawn out "uuh."

Godot grunted in pain when Edgeworth swiftly kicked his shin.

"Quite forward, aren't we?" he growled.

"You know I am," he said, snapping his fingers at him.

"And has your vulgar cockiness ever gotten you far?" he countered.

"Sure it does. I always make it to home base," he teased. Miles was relieved when the waiter came to set their drinks down, disrupting the conversation. They asked if they were ready to order yet, but Godot had spent so much time flirting with Phoenix, that he'd barely looked at the menu. And Miles was so busy keeping him in line that he didn't know what to order either. So they asked for a few extra minutes.

"You should really consider using your time wisely," Edgeworth advised. Godot snorted and mumbled something about him doing the same.

"I think I'm gonna have the Jack classic, what about you?" Phoenix asked, looking across the table at Miles.

"I think I'll have the same," he said, offering a warm smile.

Godot's smirk grew. "I'm leaning more towards the thhhick patty," he said, drawing out the word. Phoenix arched a brow and chuckled.

"You really put a lot of emphasis on the word thick there," he teased.

"What can I say? I like a lot of meat on my buns," he leaned closer, placing a hand on Wright's knee and squeezed gently. Phoenix giggled and scooted away in the seat.

"Hey, watch it. I'm ticklish," he admitted. Godot grinned like a shark.

"Oh Trite, don't you know that's not something you admit?" he teased, repeating the motion. Phoenix barked out a laugh, pushing the hand away playfully. Miles was glaring daggers at them and grit his teeth. He was the picture of jealousy.

When Wright moved his hand away, Godot purposefully interlocked their fingers so that they were holding hands. Edgeworth let out an angry huff and held the menu up to block his view. Or maybe to prevent them from seeing the sneer on his face. The world is cruel however, and Godot is even crueler. Which is exactly why he grabbed the top of the menu and pulled it down to meet his eyes directly.

"Thought you said you knew what to order. Why're you hiding from us?" he asked, elbows propped on the table as he leaned forward.

"I... I'm not! I simply thought I saw someone I don't particularly like and didn't want them to see me. But looking at them now I realize my mistake," he easily lied.

"Yeah, you and I have made a lot of enemies," Godot agreed. He looked between Wright and Edgeworth. "At first I thought you two were. But now that I've gotten to know you both a little more, I realize that couldn't be farther from the truth." As much as he loved riling Miles up, his ultimate goal was to make him admit his feelings for the other.

They both flushed a pale pink, looking away. After the waiter took their orders, Phoenix excused himself to the bathroom. Godot was smiling smugly as he watched him leave.

"It's times like these that I'm grateful for my visor. It would be a real shame if I wasn't able to watch that ass leave, wouldn't you agree?" he asked, looking at him with a shit eating grin. Miles slammed a fist on the table in anger.

He spoke low so as to not cause a scene, but his jaw was still clenched. "I order you to stop this at once."

"What, the flirting? You said you didn't like him, so why should it bother you?" he asked innocently.

"You speak out of your ass, you use crude and childish humor, you're completely insincere, your pick up lines are cheesy and all coffee related, and you're invading his personal space constantly!" he scolded quietly. Godot shrugged.

"He sure doesn't seem to mind. Maybe he likes the attention. People tend to enjoy my company," he bragged.

"You have no intentions other than making me angry," he pointed out.

"And it's working," he boasted. Miles's mouth gaped open as he thought of a response.

"So what if it is? I could just as easily be angry due to the fact that he's my friend, and you're nothing more than some- some playboy who's trying to prove a point!"

"Aww you think I'm a playboy? That's my new favorite compliment," he said, resting his chin on his hands.

Edgeworth raised an unamused brow. "It really shouldn't be. You're classier than that, Diego."

He snorted in amusement. "Even after all those things you said about me?" Miles rolled his eyes fondly.

"Yes, even after all that. So be the bigger man and put an end to this," he reasoned.

"Depends. You got a crush on Wright?"

"I still don't see how that's any of your business."

He shrugged, halfway triumphant. "Hey, that's better than the harsh no I got earlier. You'll admit it sooner or later."

"Not to you I won't," he growled. Edgeworth fiddled with his napkin and laid it across his lap neatly.

"To be honest, I don't care if you admit it to me."

He cocked his head, looking at him skeptically. "You don't?"

Godot shook his head. "No. I just want you to admit it to Trite."

Edgeworth's eyes widened and he recoiled slightly at those words. "Are you insane? I can't possibly tell him that!"

"Tell me what?" Phoenix asked as he walked up. Miles stuttered out an answer.

"Oh! Um, I-I'll tell you later. Now isn't... a good time."

Phoenix gave him a look as he sat down next to him. "You sure you're okay? You're acting, I don't know, weird."

Edgeworth was going to come up with something to say to that, but Godot beat him to it. He held his hands up in surrender. "You got us. There's no reason to lie to him any more Edgey. Truth is, he's planning you a surprise party."

Phoenix's brows shot up. "Wow really? But it's not for another two months or so."

"Yeah well, you know him. Always so organized, and he thinks three steps ahead. Sorry about ruining the surprise," Godot apologized for wrecking the fake party.

Wright rubbed the back of his neck and offered a shy smile. "Don't be! Knowing me, I'll probably forget about it by then. So-"

He was cut off by Godot's phone ringing. "Sorry, one sec." He checked the caller ID, brows furrowing. "That's weird, it's Gumshoe. Hope everything's okay." He answered the call with a flick of his wrist, holding the phone up to his ear. "Hey Dick, everything cool?"

"IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT COOL!" Gumshoe screamed into the speaker. Godot winced and held the phone away from his ear. Edgeworth and Wright shared a look of slight concern.

"Is everything okay?" Phoenix asked quietly. Godot nodded and waved a hand as if to say "all good."

"Hey keep your voice down will you? You're about to burst my eardrum," he said with a small chuckle.

"NO I WILL NOT! JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GETTING BETWEEN PHOENIX AND EDGEWORTH LIKE THAT?" Both men in question went stiff as a board, faces turning red.

Godot paled as he was chewed out. "Uuh hey this really isn't the time-"

"I DIDN'T TELL YOU THEY HAD THE HOTS FOR EACH OTHER JUST SO YOU COULD SWOOP IN AN' TRY TO STEAL WRIGHT AWAY LIKE THAT!"

Godot offered them an embarrassed grin. "Uh, can you excuse me?" They both refused to meet his gaze and just hummed in agreement. The prosecutor slid out of the booth, holding the phone up to his ear, speaking in a hushed yet firm tone.

"Listen Dick, you got it all wrong. I was just-"

"No you listen to me pal! Maya told me the whole thing!"

Godot walked into the bathroom of the restaurant to have a more private conversation. "Look, it's not like that. I'm not trying to hook up with Trite or whatever you think is going on."

"... You're not?" Gumshoe asked, sounding skeptical.

"No. In fact, I'm trying to get them together." Gumshoe snorted.

"You sure got a funny way of showing it."

"I'm making Edgeworth jealous so that he'll admit his feelings," he explained, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Ooooh, that's smart!"

"Yeah, so don't go blabbering to Phoenix. I know you can't keep a secret."

"Hey I can totally keep secrets! I just don't want to very often!" he defended himself.

"Alright, are we done here? 'Cause we're out at lunch, and our food should be getting here soon."

"Okay yeah, sorry about the mix up. I'll let you get back to lunch," Dick said, hanging up. Godot heaved a sigh of relief, wiping a few beads of sweat from his forehead.

Meanwhile, Phoenix and Miles sat in an awkward silence as they watched Godot leave. Miles was sitting rigidly, staring at the napkin in his lap. Phoenix twirled the straw around in his glass.

"C-can you believe him? Heh, Gumshoe sure does have an active imagination," Wright said nervously, desperate to break the silence. Miles was quick to agree.

"Yes, he does," he allowed a soft smile to grace his features. "I suppose he's a romantic at heart," he reasoned.

"Uh, yeah. I guess he is," he agreed. The expression on his face was a mixture of nervousness, confusion, and a touch of sadness. Edgeworth took a deep breath. It was either now or never.

"But is he wrong?"

Phoenix whipped his head over to look at him. "What?" He tried to mask the hopefulness in his voice.

"While what he says may seem odd or far fetched at times, he's usually right." He spared a glance at Wright, trying to read him.

"Miles, a-are you saying-"

"I like you Phoenix. As a friend, yes, but... also more," he finally admitted.

Phoenix practically lit up. "Really? Wow that's- I mean- I've liked you since the third grade!" he blurted out, relieved to finally get this off his chest.

"I... also had a bit of a crush. And when we met in court that first time, all those feelings I thought I'd left behind came flooding back." Wright reached out, holding his hand. They stared at each other, warm smiles lighting up the room.

Miles started chuckling softly, and Phoenix cocked his head, an amused smirk on his face. "What's so funny?"

"Godot was doing all this to make me jealous, so that I'd admit my feelings. And it worked."

He nudged him with his elbow teasingly. "Well then, I guess a thank you's in order." Edgeworth groaned, though it was just for show.

"If I thank him then I'll never hear the end of it," he complained lightheartedly.

"Maybe that's not the worst thing. You're cute when you're annoyed and embarrassed," Phoenix cooed, propping his arm on the table to rest his chin in his hand. Miles blushed softly.

"S-stop it, that's supposed to be my line," he grumbled playfully, looking away. Phoenix smirked and pecked his cheek, relishing in the way his blush darkened considerably.

Godot was watching from around the corner of the hall, letting them have their moment. He wore a satisfied smirk as he walked up to their table. Both Wright and Edgeworth scooted away, acting as though nothing had happened.

"Don't play coy you two. I knew my plan would work. You're welcome by the way." They were both rendered flustered and speechless, even as the waiter set down their food.

#phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #godot #diego armando #godot ace attorney #phoenix wright ace attorney #ace attorney #ace attorney fic #i didn't really know how to end this #but i think it's sweet #flustered!phoenix is the cutest fucking thing ever ok #jealous!edgeworth #ok but writing godot's flirting & teasing flustered the hell out of me

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airplanned · 3 years

Text

Trill AU part 4

Sad times on the bridge, and I get to write technobabble

***

Part 1

They hurried down three corridors before Zelda said, "Does it seem strangely quiet to you?"

It did. In the dim light, Link was trying not to ask himself the obvious question of where everyone was. He made a sorry attempt to explain it. "It's late and this deck is all personal quarters."

"But no one's reporting to emergency stations but us?"

So of course they turned the last corner to find a body on the floor.

Ensign Bogts. Zelda checked his pulse and rolled him over while Link popped open a nearby locker and pulled out a tricorder. She took it out of his hands before he could start taking readings. Lifting an eyebrow, he let her rudeness pass.

"He's...fine? His vitals are all normal."

His body did look relaxed, his face at ease and his chest softly rising and falling.

"He just passed out here?"

Her eyebrows pinched together as she continued to scan. "He has an abnormal delta wave pattern. It looks like a kind of artificial sleep."

"Is everyone on the ship like this?"

She looked up at him in concern.

He swallowed, looking down at Ensign Bogts as all the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

"So why not us?"

The bridge crew was passed out at their stations, and Link went straight to check the commander's pulse where he was slumped back in his chair. Ensign Xik had fallen out of his seat at ops, and Zelda stepped over him neatly to take his seat. "I should be able to get main power up," she said. Link headed for the con, removing Lt Tate from his chair as gently as possible and laying him out on the floor.

A low hum built under their feet and the lights blinked back on. Link took a relieved breath and pulled up a status report.

"I have thrusters," he said.

"Bringing the main engine back online."

"We need shields and sensors."

"Give me one...you've got sensors."

He immediately ran a sweep. "Sensor report coming in."

"On screen."

It was as if a sheen of oil was draped over the ship, a shimmer of green and pink dancing like the northern lights. Zelda pulled up an image on her console and turned the whole thing so he could see. It was as if the ship had run into a flat sheet, dragging it with them until it wrapped around the ship's nose and trailed behind them. "It's giving off delta wave pulses. That's what's putting everyone to sleep. At a higher amplitude it could have knocked out main power. Probably when we first hit it."

"We're caught in a net," he said.

She nodded. "It doesn't look natural."

He turned back to the con. "Let's not stick around and find out who caught us. Can we get the shields back up?"

"Raising shields."

The lights went out. The gentle, omnipresent rumble of the floor stilled as the engine shut down again.

Link tried to bring up a status report. "Well, that didn't work. Main power's back out."

She sighed. "Bringing it back online."

Lights turned back on and they both held their breath, waiting for power to fail once more.

"No sudden moves," he said.

He checked the sensor's image of the phenomena. "If we use minimal thrusters, it looks like we can back out of it."

"Decrease thrusters to quarter power."

That made it slow going, but there wasn't really a rush. He eased the ship back, back, watching the power read outs and the sensor image on the side of his console.

"Down two degrees," she said, and he adjusted course, hissing as the edge of the net caught around the port nacell, sending a tremor through the ship.

They froze. He let the net settle, then tried again, pulling up and forward, only to strain against part of the net draped over the saucer section.

"It's tightening," she said. And sure enough where before it looked like they were dragging an inanimate sheet behind them, that sheet was now tangled, adhering to the hull.

He lifted his hands from the console in surrender.

Zelda had out her tricorder again, this time running it over herself. "I think it's the symbionts."

"Their brains aren't affected by delta waves."

"They must be keeping us conscious."

Link looked down at his terminal, running through his options. Then he narrowed his eyes at her.

She straightened. "What?"

"You come aboard and the ship gets attacked by something that doesn't affect bonded Trills."

Her brief anxiety melted into annoyance. "You think I did this."

He gave her a blank stare.

"Why would I do this?"

"Handing over a Federation vessel could be profitable. Risky. But you've gotten away with worse."

She folded her arms over her chest, giving him a scathing look. "Everyone on board is asleep and you're still going to pretend that it was me that gave away the defense codes."

"Only two people knew those codes."

"That's right. And of those two people, one of us vanished in the night. The other stuck around and cleaned up your mess."

"The mess of my dead body? That mess? Tell me, how much blood was there? Did you cut Fi out yourself or did you get someone like Groose to do it for you?"

Her change in expression was subtle--a barely noticeable stiffening, a faint drain of the color in her cheeks. She looked horrified. Haunted. She turned away, and tapped out some new controls on the console.

"What are you doing?"

"There's no point explaining myself to you." Her voice shook. "You're..." Her fingers faltered. She covered her mouth with a hand and took a shaking breath. "You're just going to torment me until whoever comes to collect us shows up. You're just going to blame me for everything you've done until I feel like I'm going crazy."

Link frowned. When a tear skipped down her cheek he started to panic.

"Wait."

She shook her head, her trembling hands back at work.

"Zelda." He reached for her, and she jerked away, spinning to glare at him, her arms gripping the console as if ready to run, her jaw set in a way that looked so much like Sheik--Sheik when she tried to look threatening to hide her fear.

He lifted his hands in surrender, searching her face.

He couldn't see the lie. He'd never been able to see the lie.

But it must be there. Right?

"What...what do you think happened?"

He didn’t have to specify when, which of the many incidents in their shared past was at the forefront of both their minds.

She stared at him for a long moment, gathering all her righteous indignation to power herself through her speech. "Ravio vanished. Everyone searched for days. We didn't know what had happened. And then suddenly...Suddenly the defense grid just dropped. And one little shuttlecraft flew past. Up and away toward the warship. What I think happened was that Ravio sold us out so Fi could return to Trill."

Return to Trill.

He stared at her, shaking his head over and over as if that would make it stop.

He had to fight to find his voice. "Tetra sent Ravio a message to meet at tower 2. She said she had good news, and he thought... He was looking out the window, and the door opened behind me and I saw your shape in the reflection of the glass. And then you shot me in the back. I woke up four months later in an asteroid mining facility in a different host. It took me days to get news and by then it was too late."

"Tetra never sent you any message."

"Ravio didn’t cut a deal to go back to Trill."

Her eyebrows pinched together. "Fi wouldn't have survived for four months without a host."

"Yeah, but Pipit was a hot mess of a host. It was an unstable bond. He started off in a comma and then he was confused and panicky for more than a year before he calmed down. He'd think it was the wrong year, that he was the wrong host. He had disordered episodes for the rest of his life. He lost time so often that four months is nothing." Link caught himself. "I say all that with love. He went through a lot."

It startled a croak of a laugh from her.

And then they were staring at each other again.

"I would never have killed you," she said. “Please don’t make me think about his body.”

He quirked a sad smile. "I want to believe that."

"I want to believe you, but...that might be me who wants that. It might be someone else. Someone younger. Less wise. Someone who still looks at you and feels..."

Warmth lit in his chest, and he hated it and loved it, and maybe it wasn't so messed up after all that he wanted so badly to trust someone who had hurt him so thoroughly.

"Yeah," he said. "That about sums it up."

They stared at their consoles. She wiped her eye with her wrist in a way she thought was discreet and he thought was endearing.

Carefully, he asked, "What's your next plan?" and gestured at the tricorder.

She cleared her throat. "The EM pulses from the symbionts neutralize the delta waves, so if I can adjust the deflector beam to the same frequency modulation--"

"--With a wide enough confinement beam, we can neutralize the delta wave net." He was already on it, his fingers flying over the console.

"We need to lower the power so we don't cause another blackout."

"It we adjust the--"

Something dinged on his console. Proximity alert.

He shared a look with her, trying to tell if this was the moment she'd shoot him again. It was that same fierce look to protect herself, and who knew what that meant.

Another ding, and her voice turned tight as she said, "They're hailing us."

"Putting them on screen," he said.

A pair of Trils stared back at them. "Oh," one of them said. "We were wondering how you had power, but this makes sense."

Link tried to sound calm as he said, "This is the Federation Starship Naboris. How can we help you?"

The Trills scoffed. "I don't think you're in any position to help anyone."

Part 5

#Zelda #my fic #Trill AU

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 4 years

Note

So I looked through a detransition blog just out of curiosity, since it was one you reblogged, but now I’m super... freaked out? I have a top surgery consultation in April but now I have this weird fear that I’m faking it or that I’ll regret it afterwards. I’ve identified as somewhere along non-binary and trans (he/they!) for over a year, and I’ve known I’m not a girl for even longer, but now I’m just so afraid that maybe I don’t know myself at all. Do you have any advice on what this is?

Lee says:

Discussing your feelings with a therapist can sometimes help you untangle the anxiety from everything else. It’s reasonable to have some apprehension about a major surgery that can have a big impact on your life because it is a big change- and like any other surgery, it also has medical risk and can result in complications.

And reading about other people’s feelings about their surgeries can be helpful! I do recommend reading things from people who were happy with the outcome and reading things from people who weren't to get a better perspective on the range of experiences that can exist. Only reading the negative or the positive doesn’t provide a balanced view!

But even if you read other people’s stories, and talk to them about why they feel the way they do about their choices and bodies, nobody else can tell you what you should do for yourself. Even a therapist can’t know for sure if you will regret surgery (or anything else that you choose to do) because nobody can see into the future, see into your heart, and see into mind simultaneously to and determine for certain what it is that you need.

As soon as I came out as non-binary when I was 15, I started saving money for top surgery. I was someone who ran towards top surgery at full tilt and I didn’t give myself any space for doubt about whether it was the right choice for me because I felt it was the only choice I had-- forwards or nothing. I was pretty severely depressed at the time and had a brief hospitalization the month before I turned 18, and I was sort of pinning all my hopes on top surgery reducing my dysphoria and booting out my depression. So I scheduled my consultation as soon as I turned 18 and was legally an adult and could do so without parental permission. I immediately scheduled my surgery for the soonest available date, and had inverted-T incision top surgery about 3 months after I turned 18.

Now I’m 21 years old, and I’m 3 years and 5 months post-op from my top surgery.

In retrospect, top surgery was 110% the right choice for me. If I could do it all over again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Top surgery really did reduce my dysphoria by a significant amount, and that made it easier for me to cope with my depression and other mental health issues. I was proudly parading around the house shirtless as soon as I was able to stop using post-op compression, before my incisions had even healed into scars.

I don’t have any dysphoria about my chest anymore, especially now that I’ve gotten tattoos to cover my scars. I finally feel like I look like how I always knew I was meant to look.

I don’t post pictures of my chest anymore because I have distinguishing tattoos but I’ve posted a few before/after pictures when I was 3 years post-op and I think things have only gotten better now.

I was lucky to not have any complications; I don’t have any nerve pain, and hypertrophic or keloid scarring, and I didn’t need any revisions. But there are some things that are non-ideal compared to if I had just been born with a typical cis-guy flat chest. My nips are a little wonky in color and shape, and I plan on getting medical tattoos at some point to even the edges out. I also have slightly muted sensation in my chest now, so everything is like slightly number than it was before.

When I was pre-op, I did enjoy having nipple sensation that was pleasurable; even though I had inverted t-incision top surgery which preserved the nipple stalk, I still only have tactile, temperature, and pain sensations in my chest. If you put an ice cube on my nipple and my eyes were closed, I’d know it was cold. If you poked me while I was looking away, I’d still feel it. And if you squeezed me, it would hurt. But somehow it doesn’t feel good anymore like it used to.

I don’t know how much of that loss in erotic sensation is a mental thing and how much is a physical change caused by scar tissue build up around the nerve. But regardless, it is a real loss.

For me, that loss is well worth it. While I might have been physically capable of experiencing erotic nipple/chest sensation before, I rarely actually did have that experience because it made me too dysphoric and I didn’t like to take my shirt off during sex. Now I feel more fully present and comfortable in my own body and it makes me more engaged so I can focus on my partner and on the other feelings I’m having and how I look isn’t something that is detracting from the experience.

In general, top surgery has made my life better in a million ways. I love running shirtless with my college cross country team, I like going swimming at the beach with no shirt, and I like the way I look now when I see myself in a mirror after stepping out of the shower.

When I get dressed in the morning, my day starts off on a neutral note because it’s just me putting on clothes. Sometimes I pause to think about how I can just put on a shirt and feel good about it and move on. Before, I used to be upset every morning because the first thing I’d be reminded of when I woke up was that my chest was there and I didn’t want it to be. I’m Autistic, and binding was Not comfortable for me sensory-wise, so not having to bind was also nice.

I would choose to get top surgery again, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the right choice for each and every person. I am sure it was the right choice for me, and I have no regrets at all, I never want to have breasts again. But someone else might think that not having erotic nipple sensation is a dealbreaker, or they might not be comfortable with scars if they tend to heal with more visible raised scars that are harder to cover with a tattoo like I did mine.

So I can tell you that top surgery has made my life better and I’m glad I got it and I don’t think that there would have been any way for me to be as happy as I am now if I had not gotten it. Top surgery is life saving and life-changing for some people, and I am one of those people. I might be more inclined to tell people that if you think you need surgery you should get it because my surgery went so well and because I’m still identifying as genderqueer, transmasculine, and non-binary, just like I was when I was 15, so my identity is pretty static there.

Some other post-op people may tell you that they regret their surgery, that they wish they hadn’t done it, and they would make a different decision if they could go back in time. They might want to help warn other people to not make the same mistake that they did. Detransitioned folks often (but not always) have a different perspective than folks who persisted in being transgender and that’s okay- it isn’t a better perspective or a worse one, just a different one. But both trans and reidentified people can feel this way, even though it’s usually more common for de-trans folks to regret surgical procedures that it is for trans folks.

I semi-rushed into surgery for both emotional and logistical reasons but I knew it was right for me. But that isn’t the best choice for everyone and if you aren’t 100% sure that it is what you want and need then there’s nothing wrong with having the consultation with the surgeon to learn more and then thinking things over before you schedule a surgery date (or don’t), you don’t need to immediately schedule a surgery date after the consult. Think of it as an interview and as an information gathering session.

Neither of us can tell you what you should do because neither of us are “right” or “wrong” about top surgery. It’s just a different experience and a different perspective. We all have biases based on our own way of seeing things, and that can inform our advice.

If you know what the risks are, and you’ve given it careful thought and can provide an informed consent, then whether you should get surgery is your decision. I won’t tell you “go get it!” or “don’t go get it!” and I don’t think that any blogger should be telling anons what medical procedures to get or not get.

Worrying that you’re faking it, that you don’t know who you are, and worrying about regret is something that can be pretty scary and frustrating, but you don’t need to figure it out on your own, and it’s okay to take a little longer to come to a decision and talk it over with a therapist if you think it’s necessary to help you cope with that anxiety.

But yeah, I believe that ultimately you have to trust your gut feelings on what you know to be right for you.

Top surgery 101 links

Finding a therapist

Side note: While we do our best to avoid reblogs from obvious TERFs/truscum/transphobes/racists/sexists/ableists/etc to avoid exposing people to triggering content by boosting the blog’s visibility, and we do appreciate getting heads up asks about reblogs from a problematic OP, if we reblog a post from someone we do not necessarily endorse all of the content in every post they’ve made, and we don’t necessarily agree with all of the blogger’s opinions either. We reblog a specific post if we think seeing that post might be helpful for some of our followers.

#Lee says #top surgery #detransition #regret #surgery #nipple m #breast m #detrans #trans #nonbinary #Anonymous

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refinedbuffoonery · 3 years

Text

Broken Like Me (1)

masterlist.

THIS FIC IS NOT INTENDED FOR READERS UNDER THE AGE OF 18. Please see the masterlist for content warnings.

Here it is, the long-awaited dark!MacRiley AU! First, I want to thank my lovely beta readers and my life-saving brainstorming/workshop buddy. You all know who you are. ❤

This fic adheres to canon through 5x05 and then goes off the fucking rails. Backstory and other important tidbits of information revealed in the latter half of season 5 may be used, but timeline-wise anything after 5x05 does not exist in this fic. Also, Jack is dead and is staying dead, so don’t get your hopes up for a happy ending.

I will do my best to update this regularly, but hanging out in and writing such dark headspaces is HARD. I will definitely be taking breaks to write fluffier fic, because a big chunk of this story is all hurt and no comfort.

Without further adieu, let’s get this party started. (It’s not a party. In fact, it’s like...the opposite of a party.)

*****

They say he was a good man.

A good soldier.

A good father.

A good friend.

They say they are sorry for her loss, sorry he was taken from this world too soon.

They say Jack would be proud of the legacy he left behind, would be proud to have gone out in a blaze of glory.

Riley is sick of it.

It’s like she’s a teenager, and Jack is leaving her all over again. Only this time it’s worse. This time there’s no coming back.

The guests at the wake gaze at the folded up American flag on the fireplace mantle with deep respect, but Riley only feels anger every time she glimpses the piece of fabric the government sent back in his place. A flag and a life insurance claim feel like a mockery of the kind of man Jack Dalton was.

Was. Past tense.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

*****

Mac has never been afraid of Riley before.

He’s seen her angry and upset, but the rage-filled woman he stopped from killing Anya Vitez with her bare hands back in Croatia is someone he does not know.

The frightening part is that Riley isn’t a hot-headed person. In work mode, she is cold and calculating, so for her to go after Vitez like that...something inside her snapped.

Three weeks have passed since then, and every time he looks at Riley, Mac remembers holding her back, fingers digging sharply into her waist until she stopped fighting him. He sees the fury radiating off Riley’s body like heat waves off asphalt—sees the way she clings to it, finds purpose in it, letting it consume her so there’s no room for guilt or grief. Mac knows the feeling all too well. And he also knows there will be a very loud thud when she finally comes crashing back down.

But he also knows that the woman is like a loaded gun, safety off and desperate to fire at something.

Which is why he worries when Matty calls them in for an op and Riley isn’t there. She’s at Vitez’s trial, Matty informs them, but that doesn’t make Mac feel any better. Whenever there’s downtime during the mission, and Mac’s mind is free to wander, he can't stop thinking about her. This new Riley is becoming obsessively vengeful, and if someone doesn’t reel her back in soon, she might do something she can’t come back from.

The thought plagues Mac every second there aren’t bullets whizzing toward his head.

After the op, Mac drives to Riley’s apartment. Upon arrival, his ears are assaulted by Riley’s upstairs neighbor blasting Macklemore’s greatest hits. Mac hears the lyrics clear as day, even though both his truck windows and the apartment windows are closed.

Riley really shouldn’t have moved out of Mac’s house, not if this is her best option. He still doesn’t understand why she did.

It doesn’t take long to notice the GTO is missing. Riley should be back from the trial by now, but Mac has a sneaking suspicion where she is.

The drive to Jack’s apartment seems to take forever. The brick building is in an older neighborhood, one of few affordable ones with trees planted along the sidewalks—a luxury in LA. Sure enough, the GTO is parked on the curb, not far from the fire escape that connects to Jack’s living room.

Looking up, Mac spies a familiar body perched on the stairs.

Riley sits on the fire escape, soaking in the last rays of sunlight. Her eyes are closed, head resting against the brick wall. Mac doesn’t say anything as he sits beside her on the narrow metal stairs, their hips and thighs just touching.

He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. Should he hug her? Hold her hand? Leave her alone? Riley isn’t a super touchy person. Mac decides on the latter, picking at his fingernails while his gaze drifts west to study the sunset.

Several minutes pass before Riley says, “Hey.” Her voice is low and scratchy, like she’s been crying.

“Hey,” Mac repeats. “How long have you been here?”

Riley shifts beside him, sitting up. “I don’t know. A while.”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve come here, is it?”

A sigh. “No, it’s not.” Mac figures as much. Aside from the constant clamor of the city, Jack’s apartment is relatively quiet. It’s not in the greatest neighborhood, but it’s safe enough for Riley to sit alone and think. Or not think. Whatever she feels like doing.

Riley rests her head on Mac’s shoulder, and a wave of protectiveness floods his system. It’s new, this need to watch her back more than the others’. It came on so gradually that Mac doesn’t know when it started or what triggered it, only that he feels it all the time now. Especially after Jack’s…

He avoids examining the feeling too closely.

Without warning, Riley says, “If you hadn’t held me back, I would’ve killed her.”

Knowing exactly who she was talking about, Mac glances down at Riley in surprise. He knows it’s true—thinks so himself—but hearing it come out of her mouth makes his stomach turn. The last, and only, time Riley killed someone...it took her months to piece herself back together afterward. And that death was in self-defense.

This one would’ve been murder. Intentional and vindictive.

Mac isn’t sure Riley could come back from that, at least not as herself. The woman who would emerge from that would be a total stranger inside his best friend’s body. Mac suppresses a shiver. “I know,” he says.

“Thank you for stopping me.” Riley’s voice is quiet. So, so quiet.

“You would’ve done the same for me.” Gingerly, Mac wraps his arm around Riley’s shoulders, ready to let go at the first sign of her discomfort. When she doesn’t react, he relaxes and holds her more surely.

The sky is painted in vibrant oranges and reds, fading into deep blue overhead. Subtle strokes of pink outline the scattered clouds hanging above the horizon. Out of all the sunsets Mac has seen, all over the world, nothing quite compares to the ones here at home. He wishes Jack was here to see it.

Mac spends far too long debating whether to bring it up before asking, “Why did you go to the trial?” Agents, especially secret ones, don’t go to trials, mostly to keep their identities safe. Publicly tying oneself to a case is never a good idea, for more reasons that Mac can begin to name.

“I swore I’d be there every step of the way. I meant it.” Mac tries not to bristle at the snarling, defensive edge to Riley’s tone. “Eventually, she’ll make a mistake, and I will be there when she does. And then I’m going to rip out her entire organization from the roots up.”

Fear wraps its ugly hand around Mac’s heart. Until every single person associated with Tiberius Kovac is behind bars, there will be a target on Riley’s back, and Riley will have put it there herself. Losing one person to Kovac is more than enough; Mac refuses to lose Riley too.

“How can I help you?”

Riley looks up, eyes wide like she’s expecting him to try to talk her out of it, not offer to help. “You don’t have to do that.”

“And miss out on all the fun?” Mac almost smiles as he quotes her. Almost.

She sits up. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m going to hack Interpol first, to see which of her colleagues might also be dirty. So unless you secretly picked up hacking…”

Mac huffs. “Sorry, I only hack hardware.” He expects some insane, crackhead plan, not something so…reasonable. Maybe Riley isn’t as off-the-rails as he thought.

But only maybe.

A seagull perches on the railing below them, honking and squawking for seemingly no reason at all. Gulls are just like that. It glares at Mac, pinning him to his spot with a beady yellow eye, challenging Mac to shoo it away.

Go find some tourists to harass, Mac wants to snark at it. Leave us alone.

The seagull cocks its head, as if to say, I know something you don’t.

Mac narrows his eyes. I bet you do.

He swears the seagull shrugs before taking off, flying low over the GTO before sailing over rooftops on its way back to the ocean. It passes a billboard advertising a new blockbuster spy thriller, the product of millions of dollars and Hollywood plot recycling. Mac saw the trailer. The movie is about a soldier who joined the CIA in a quest for retribution after his best friend came home in a box. Usually Mac likes watching spy movies—mostly to make fun of them—but this one hits a little too close to home.

It takes a monumental effort to tear his gaze away.

When his eyes finally meet Riley’s, Mac understands the silent ache in them—the ache that’s surely reflected in his own eyes. He and Riley are drowning, but at least they’re drowning together.

Mac frowns. That must be the dimmest “on the bright side” thought he’s ever had.

Riley doesn’t say anything more, so neither does Mac. They sit on the fire escape until long after the sun sets and the temperature drops, and the city's nightlife stretches its limbs as it wakes. Mac shivers, but Riley seems oddly unaffected by the cold. That or she’s too numb to notice.

He threads his still semi-warm fingers through her icy ones, letting their joined hands rest on his knee. It seems like his last tether to the Riley he knows and loves, one who’s slowly slipping away from him and being replaced by a woman who might very well bring the world to its knees as payback for all that it’s done to her.

Mac has no interest in ever meeting that woman. Mostly because he refuses to lose his Riley, but also because Mac knows he won’t be able to resist that other Riley. She will slash his restraint beyond repair, and Mac will follow her to the ends of the earth.

He will find a way to keep them both afloat. He has to.

Or else the Phoenix may very well be hunting him and Riley again, and this time, they’ll deserve it.

*****

Entering her apartment later that night, Riley realizes too late that it isn’t empty. Bozer is still there, and he’s making dinner. Locking the door behind her, she hears a rushed, “Got to go, Matty. She’s home.”

Bozer crashed on her couch the night they got the news and never left. I don't want you to be alone, Bozer keeps saying, despite her insistence she doesn’t need a babysitter. Other than that, they don’t speak to each other much. In fact, Riley wouldn't have noticed he said anything at all if not for the way he stares at her, standing at the stove and twirling a wooden spoon between his fingers.

"What?" she snaps.

Carefully, Bozer asks, "How was the trial?"

"Fine." Riley knows he cares, and that he’s hurting too, but nothing he says or does is going to help her. The sooner he figures that out the better. She drops her keys and jacket on a chair before heading for her bedroom.

“You hungry?” he calls after her.

Riley yanks off her boots, chucking them into the closet with too much force. “No.”

“Have you eaten anything today?”

Her fuse is running short these days, and she’s just about had it with his incessant smothering and questioning. Riley marches into the kitchen, rolling her shoulders back and bracing her hands on the counter. “Last I checked, I still have a mother, so if you’re just going to keep nagging me, then I think it’s time you get the fuck out of my apartment.”

Bozer’s eyes widen and his mouth opens, but no sound comes out.

“Get out,” Riley snarls.

Still struggling to regain his ability to speak, Bozer stammers, “At least let me finish making you dinner first.”

“Fine.” Cracking her knuckles, Riley retreats to her bedroom once more. “I’m taking a shower. You better be gone when I come out.” She doesn’t wait for a response.

When Riley emerges, her dinner is cold, and Bozer is long gone.

She doesn’t eat.

*****

On the second day of Vitez’s trial, Riley sits in the back of the room long after the trial adjourns for the day, thinking. She didn’t recognize the witnesses who testified today, and as the prosecutor called each one forward, Riley wished she had her laptop so she could look them up. Now, as she stares over the rows of empty wooden seats to the section where the jury sat, Riley can only hope that the witnesses’ testimonies are enough.

Riley knows there’s more than enough evidence to convict Vitez—especially since she recorded the confession herself—but obsessing over the trial is easier than facing the reality waiting outside the courthouse doors.

Her mom invited her to visit his grave today, after the trial, but Riley declined. Facing that slab of granite will make it real, make it…permanent.

She knows what it says. Jack Dalton. Beloved. Gone too soon. Someone asked for her approval before it was made. It doesn’t say nearly enough to encapsulate all that he was, but at the time Riley couldn’t think about it—couldn’t look at it—long enough to suggest any changes. She still can’t.

Chewing her lip, Riley anxiously toys with her rings, spinning them and moving them from finger to finger.

At the wake, one of his old Delta buddies joked that the gravestone should read “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfuckers,” but Riley didn’t laugh.

Riley hasn’t laughed since Matty broke the news. It’s like the part of her that knows how to feel joy died in that explosion too.

Instead, she wants to scream at the universe until her voice gives out, cursing it for taking her dad away too soon. Because that’s what he is. Her dad. Riley doesn’t even know when she started calling him that again, but if she has to guess, it was sometime between the first “I’m proud of you, honey” and him kicking her ass at skee-ball for the millionth time.

Tears leak from Riley’s eyes without her consent.

It feels like she failed him, in a way. By not being there. By not keeping him alive.

Now the best she can do is make sure his death means something.

Vitez will go to prison for the rest of her life, that Riley is sure of. But the rest of her organization is still out there, and Riley intends on putting every single member behind bars. No amount of justice will even begin to heal the Jack-shaped wound in her heart, but at least the world will be better for it. Safer.

But she’d rather live in a more dangerous world with him still in it than a safer one without. That way they could save the world together, like they always did.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Anger rumbles through her body, like a Texas thunderstorm in her veins. It’s the only emotion Riley feels anymore, ever since the sadness gave way to numbness.

A woman in a security uniform pokes her head in the room. “Excuse me, ma’am. I need to lock up for the night.” When Riley doesn’t respond, the woman adds, “Are you okay?”

Are you okay? Riley hates that question more than all the others. How are you? Have you eaten today? What can I do to help?

She feels like she’s dying. She can’t eat. Nothing will help.

But that isn’t what people want to hear. Even Mac asked that last question, yesterday on the fire escape, although Riley didn’t automatically despise the question like she usually did. It’s different coming from him than anyone else; his offer was genuine, not coming from pity or obligation.

She isn’t surprised Mac recognized her need to do something. After all, he had been the same way after his dad was killed.

Coldly, Riley finally says,“I will be.” The woman doesn’t deserve her abrupt answer, but Riley can’t quite bring herself to care. She lets the anger the questions bring up fuel her, lets it hold her together.

The anger is all she has left.

Riley stands, her heels clicking on the floor as she exits the courthouse.

She’s coming for all the monsters who hurt him. She’s coming for the ones who rendered him nothing more than ashes on the wind, the ones who turned her life into a nightmare she can’t wake up from.

Because she doesn’t need to wake up to become theirs.

Want to be tagged in future chapters? Send me an ask.

#beth writes #dark!MacRiley #macriley #macgyver #angus macgyver #riley davis #mac x riley #macgyver fanfiction

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missskzbiased · 4 years

Text

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You

Genre: Romance , Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader X Han X OC

WC: ~ 4,1K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

*Not all chapters have these but I’m letting this like general because as a series I think it’s better if I warn all of them at once instead of warning out of nowhere since I’ve already written some chapters*

Notes: The “Angst/Hurt/Confort” is related to the plot and how the characters will build their relationship, therefore it’ll be mentioned more than once through the chapters. Although I don’t think I made it really distressing nor anything like that, please be aware of the Warnings if you don’t feel comfortable with the themes <3

This is an EXTREMELY slow burn, if you don’t like those, I don’t think you’ll enjoy the fanfic :’(

Updates: I’ll update it once a week because I still have to write the chapters to come and review the ones I already wrote

////

Hate: a) To feel extreme enmity towards something or someone: Regard with active hostility; b) To have a strong aversion: Find very distasteful.

Regarding all emotions someone could ever feel, you didn’t think something could be more powerful than hatred.

What in the world could be more powerful than disliking someone to the point you couldn’t even stand their presence? It meant you would prefer to leave rather than stay. Nothing could ever beat that. Nothing. People could do insane things moved by it. Things no one should ever think about doing nor do at all for that matter. Things that could hurt and destroy everything around someone’s life.

Even though common sense stated love was blind, you thought that maybe hate was blinder… Maybe hate was the one who blinded love. Who knew? You were sure hatred moved people to do the undoable. So what could be a better answer to your professor’s question? What was the most powerful feeling in the world?

“Fear” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him. You didn’t know if it was the black hair, the dark eyes, or that pretty face everyone felt the urge to ogle but somehow Hyunjin had that funny effect on people around him. It was like people needed to hear him, like he held some kind of mesmerizing voice that made people believe he was a wise man on a young body.

He wasn’t.

“How is fear greater than hate?” You scoffed, wondering why people looked at him like he knew what he was talking about “I never saw someone actively doing something because of fear but people actually make decisions based on hatred” You pointed out, smirking at him. Hyunjin couldn’t possibly retort you because you were right, and sooner or later he would have to admit it.

“I believe you didn’t quite understand the professor’s question, my dear” He had this ridiculous accent like he was British when he clearly wasn’t, and you couldn’t help but grimace at him before he continued “He asked what is the most powerful emotion not what emotion prompt people to do something… I must say that if an emotion paralyzes you to the point you can’t make a decision ─ as you pointed out yourself─ it must be quite powerful, don’t you agree?” He had that smug look on his face, suggesting he thought he had won your argument, and you would gladly wipe that smug grin out of there if Paris didn’t interrupt you.

“Excuse me but I think it’s love” Her voice sounded polite even though you knew she thought Hyunjin was being dumb “If fear is something that paralyzes someone and that is your argument for power, I think love can beat fear, so it’s obviously more powerful” She stated, not bothering to defend her arguments.

Typical Paris.

“In what world love beats fear?” He jeered, looking at her as if she was growing a third head “I’m sorry to disappoint you, darling, but life isn’t a fairy-tale” He pouted mockingly.

What a despicable guy.

“It’s well known that love can make someone so eager to protect another thing that you could simply ignore your fears and get stronger. Mothers can lift a car to free their child, soldiers can fight harder if they have someone to go back to! And if you consider the paralyzing feeling, knowing love can beat this would mean it’s stronger than fear… When you love you can do or give up on doing things just to be able to protect something you love” She stated proudly before you looked at your professor expecting his verdict.

Like on cue, the bell rang, announcing your class was over.

And so did he, waving dismissively to all of you to go.

Great, so it was a kind of philosophical game for him.

Your pointless argument ended up with nothing but a bunch of opinions you couldn’t say was right; and when it came to insisting on being right there was just one person in this world you could say you almost hated… Hyunjin. He came to you with his signature─ a smug grin that made you want to punch his face every day─, getting in your way to pack your things as he picked up one of your pencils, spinning it between his fingers. You didn’t even make the effort to ask it back, settling for extending your palm up, so he would give it back to you.

“Paris may have a point but I beat you” Should you punch his face for real someday? Probably not. You should keep good grades and a perfect image so you could keep your scholarship. What a pity. You shook your hand once, a silent ask for your pencil again, and this time he put it on your palm, leaning closer as he braced himself on the desk, trying to be seductive or something “What? Are you so upset you lost to me you don’t even want to talk anymore?” He said in a mocking tone that made you glare at him.

“Even when I’m right I don’t want to talk to you” You reminded him, throwing your bag’s strap on your shoulder “Let’s go, Paris, Chan said He was going to have lunch with us today” You took her hand and guided her to the door, walking fast so you could leave Hyunjin behind but he, unfortunately, was right on your tail.

“It’s funny because I recall you bragging every time you’re right and I’m not hearing it now” He said, easily picking up your pass, since his legs were way longer than yours “I guess you don’t want to talk to me because you lost again” Oh god, how could he be so insufferable?! You trailed your eyes around the stairs, looking for Chan on the crowd.

Thankfully, there he was.

Chan was a fine guy, as anyone with two functioning eyes could see or at least guess since a lot of girls were staring at him. He was waiting in the corner, his arms crossed on his chest and his bored eyes looking at the floor while he waited for you, his dark hair falling on his eyes, obliging him to run his fingers into his locks, looking charming in the eyes of the girls ogling him. You chuckled as you saw him eyeing them disgusted, clearly bothered by people looking at him doing nothing like he was some kind of idol or something.

“Hey, Sweety!” You shouted, making him roll his eyes at the nickname that symbolized your friendship. It was the first name you ever called him, a sarcastic remark for the typical rich guy he was, a pretty and spoiled bastard.

The circumstances you met weren’t the best ones but somehow they worked in your favor.

You were working hard on pilling some boxes ─ all of them with a “fragile” sticker that made you very aware about the possibility of losing your job if you dropped one of them─, so it was only natural you were pissed as hell when someone dropped all of them at once. As if he didn’t have anything better to do, Chan stood with his right hand raised to blame, a smirk plastered on his face as he said “Ops! Sorry, Sweety” making his dumb friends laugh at you.

You couldn’t say you were a typical rich girl especially because you were, in fact, quite poor, so your antics were totally justified by the need you had to keep your job on your hands and change your paradigm.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone with a brain but he had to pay for the losses.

So you shot him a tight smile when you saw him walking to the exit and said “Don’t forget to pay for those, Sweety”, making him shot a brow at you. You remembered clearly the way he got close to you, declaring with that cocky attitude you hated “Do you know who I am?” as if it would make any difference. You shoved him on the wall, losing your composure, and hissing at him that you didn’t care, and he should pay for it unless he was some kind of hallucination of your head.

He came back every day after that.

It has been four years since you two became friends against all the odds; and as a rich kid himself, Chan often paid for your meals, claiming your sorry ass should be thanking him instead of scoffing. You couldn’t help but nudge him with your elbow as soon as you got next to him, making him nudge you back as Paris clasped her hands together, her eyes beaming at your interaction.

“It’s so beautiful how you guys love each other!” Paris couldn’t see you interacting with another human being without believing you were in love, and although it kinda annoyed you, you tried to overlook it since she didn’t have much more to hold a grudge against. She had been your roommate for the past three years at the dorms, and even though she was a hopeless romantic and annoyed the hell out of you to get together with someone, that was pretty much her only great flaw.

You remembered perfectly how you thought your life was over once you met her.

Your first impression of the dorm was awful as you got there and saw the overly pink and cute stuff hanging all around the place as she tried to organize everything in her room. She didn’t have much stuff but all her stuff was vibrant and girly to the point it hurt your eyes.

You didn’t complain.

You put your bag on the floor, looking at her with a grimace as she beamed to meet her new friend. You could say you hated to live with her in the beginning, her carefree self was annoying and her overly friendly antics pissed you off as she always asked you to do things together, watch movies, and eat, and talk and... Well, anything you didn’t want to do with someone you just met. On top of all, she was somewhat lazy and didn’t do much, which ended up with you doing all the chores.

If you were to be fair, you were the one wearing out yourself, really.

Everything changed on a particularly exhausting day.

You had to be a damn good juggler on that week, working yourself until you couldn’t even think about anything clearly. You were like a zombie. A workaholic zombie. You had to go to classes, get your work done, do your assignments, clean up the dorm, study your ass off for the exams, pretend to be a normal human being by socializing with people… Well, basically you were pretty busy on being perfect as you expected you to be. It was obvious that after all your exams were finally done and you got out of work you needed to relax as soon as you got home.

You fixed yourself something to eat, turned on the TV, crashed on the couch to watch something, and just blacked out right there.

When you woke up on the next day’s afternoon, you got a cozy feeling above you, some fluffy blanket was thrown around your body, making you warm and peaceful. You shot your body up, sitting on the couch and looking around, alarmed, just to see the TV turned off, the dishes cleaned, the dorm tidy, and your bubbly roommate folding the clothes. You got up from the couch quickly and made a bow, apologizing profusely for being a mess and letting everything out of place on the night before. She scoffed, shrugging it off by waving her hand and said something around “I know you like to do the chores but you wore out yourself this week, you should take a break! You’re not being a burden! Isn’t helping each other out what friends do?” and it made you gasp before smiling.

You didn’t think of her as a friend back then but it did change that day.

“It would be even more beautiful if you didn’t try to make us swallow up your need to a nonexistent love between us every time I take you guys out” Chan pointed out, grimacing at her. You couldn’t say Chan and Paris got along even though you tried to make them friendly towards each other but you couldn’t blame Chan for being an ass since you weren’t any better to his friend.

“So you’re taking us out to lunch? Wonderful!” Hyunjin beamed in sarcasm, knowing too well you would complain. You rolled your eyes and looked at Chan as you guys started to walk, getting on your way to his car so he could take you wherever he was planning to go.

“It’s called a friendly gathering for a reason, Hyunjin… It means only friends can come” You feigned sympathy, pressing your lips together and looking at him with apologetic eyes. He scoffed at you and nudged Chan on the shoulder, resting his hand there as you walked.

“I’m his friend too! He’s paying so I can go as a friend unless you want to pay for everyone, then I will have to retreat” He argued, an almost unnoticeable smirk on his lips. You pouted, turning to Chan to complain but he seemed to not pay attention to your childish argument, ignoring you as he looked straight ahead, unbothered.

“He’s right” He stated before you could whine, showing that he was indeed hearing your conversation. Chan had this habit of pretending not to pay attention to you just to state something that showed he was tuned with everything even though he looked bored, and it always seemed to amaze you. He was a sneak little prick. You whined at him, complaining randomly so he would give up on his idea but he wasn’t buying it, pretty much ignoring you.

“You’re rich! You don’t even need him to pay for you” You decided to complain to Hyunjin, who just shot you an amused look, scoffing.

“You work! You don’t need it either” He pointed out, making you sigh. You looked at Paris for support but she was watching the world absent-mindedly, humming something she probably had come up with on the walk, testing over and over again some tune she seemed to like and picking up her phone quickly, recording it and sending it to you so she could save it. You felt your phone buzz in your pocket and sighed.

What great friends you had.

“Oh! Are you going to come to Han’s game?” She asked suddenly, looking at you excited “He even said if he couldn’t score a point for us this time he would treat us afterward!” You laughed at her enthusiasm, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Was he laughing when you took the deal?” You asked and she seemed to think hard about it, her fingers gripping her chin as she frowned, trying to recall her conversation with your mutual friend. As soon as she remembered it, she smiled and nodded, making you snort “That’s because he’s a Líbero, Paris, they can’t score any points… He was hitting on you” You explained, her eyes shining in realization.

“He pranked me!” She uttered, laughing.

“If you actually paid attention to his explanations you would have guessed it” You pointed out, making Chan snort “Are you coming?” You asked him but Chan shot you a pointed look.

“Do I look like the kind of guy who would go to a volleyball match?” He asked mockingly, making you shrug.

“You don’t look like the kind of guy who spends your time with dumbasses but here we are going to eat with one” You retorted, glancing over your shoulders so Hyunjin knew you were talking about him. You finally made it to the car. Chan clicked his key’s button, unlocking his car from afar before you got there, opening the door, and getting inside with a cool motion that made you laugh. He was so playboyish!

“I wasn’t even doing anything right now” Hyunjin complained as he got himself on the front seat in the same way Chan did, trying to look cool. You snorted at him, getting in the car and sliding to the side so Paris could get in beside you “Is it just to get my attention?” He teased, looking over his shoulder, getting startled at your face so close to his, your arms were resting on Chan’s sit, your chin resting on your arm as you looked ahead, watching as your friend backed up.

You didn’t hate Hyunjin or something like this, you both just teased each other every time you could. You weren’t really fond of his antics since he was just a playboy that didn’t care about anything apart from him ─ and you weren’t really the kind to feel comfortable around dickheads─, so your friendship just wasn’t meant to happen. You could tolerate him well enough when he wasn’t pissing you off at classes though. You could say you both were academic rivals, extremely smart students that liked to overcome the other by doing witty remarks and good work…

It wasn’t about being the best student, you didn’t believe in such a thing, it was about being better than him, and he wanted to be better than you.

You could remember clearly the first time you met.

He was a cocky guy back then too.

He sat right next to you even though there were tons of available seats, his smirk suggesting he wasn’t really the friendly type, so he could only be there flirting. You rolled your eyes. He tried to chat with you, talking about him and how he was taking that psychology elective because the other ones seemed too easy for him. You nodded, not really listening to his monologue, and opened your notebook as soon as the Professor came in, presenting himself and giving you a deep question that made you contemplate in silence before you answered it proudly. He scoffed. He scoffed right on your face as he retorted you, and you retorted him back, and then he retorted you again… Your endless arguing conquered a proud clap from your Professor.

You, on the other hand, conquered a rival.

Later that week Chan invited you to see his new place, an apartment he rented with a friend even though both of them could easily live by themselves… You could never understand them. You arrived ranting about your classes, bringing the “smartass” issue as soon as you remember, and complaining about that guy that would seat beside you twice a week.

You regret till this very day the way you said he was a hot and annoying guy because at this very moment he showed up on his sweatpants, using a towel to dry his hair as some drops fell onto his shirtless chest. He smirked at you, teasing you by saying “Hot, hm? So you were just playing hard to get. I like it” as he leaned on the wall, hanging the towel on his shoulder and making fun of you about it till this very day.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N?” Paris was waving her hand right in front of your eyes, trying to get your attention. You shot your eyes to her, startled, smiling apologetically “We’re here” She announced, making you realize Chan was parking, a huge and presumably expensive restaurant standing there in all its glory.

You would need to work at least to your death to be able to pay for breathing the air inside it.

“Holy shit, are you rich?” You asked in disbelief, shock getting the better of you as you completely forgot who you were talking about. Chan grimaced at you like you were his dumb but lovingly friend, and you shot him a glare as soon as you composed yourself.

Let Chan spend his money mindlessly and he would bankrupt his family.

////

You weren’t exactly the sport type but being on the grandstand together with a bunch of people you never talked to, all of you gathering by the same will to defeat the enemy… It just made its way to your mind somehow. You cheered loudly, booing at the opponents' team and their fans while clapping hard at your own team, shouting your lungs out every time Han made a good play, which was pretty often if you were fair.

If anyone asked you when you made it to college if you would be going to games and cheering for your team, you would laugh on their faces… In fact, that was exactly what you did the first time Han asked you if you were going to his game, amused by his innocence. You two met because Paris was majoring in Music and He decided to take some music classes, which got him an invitation to a party Paris decided to throw on a Friday night.

It was kind of cute how he was so flustered there, taking your offer for a glass of whatever Paris had mixed to serve as a drink with trembling hands. He was one of the first guys you had the pleasure to analyze as an aspiring psychologist, the clear signals of an awkward guy around the girl he had a crush all over his face: Pink cheeks, stuttering, exaggerated gesticulation, high pitched voice, inability to stay still as he swift his weight side to side, nervous eyes looking around the room…

The poor boy was on edge, his eyes resting on Paris from time to time as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know the right words.

Although he was a player in the court, he was far from that on real life and you found it cute.

You remembered how he winced startled as you patted his shoulder, he looked like a little squirrel stocking his cheeks with alcohol just so he could gulp it down and choke, confused at your knowing look. He ended up being Paris’ partner for most of their projects, obviously trying to get some alone time with her, even though she always called you to listen to their compositions, blowing his plans. All that hanging out and his friendly behavior began a loose friendship, where you went to watch his games with Paris and you two went to watch Paris’s performances, your little alliance being settled so you wouldn’t feel excluded.

That was how thoughtful he was.

Paris screamed, hyped by your team score, and you followed her, standing up and cupping your mouth to scream his name, his eyes searching for both of you in the crowd, a bright smile when his eyes connected to yours. You waved at his way, getting a wave as an answer before he had to focus again on his match.

As soon as the game ended, you both waited as the sea of people made their way out of the grandstand, mostly hyped for some afterward party that certainly would be happening somewhere. You and Paris made your way to the court, waiting for Han to come back from the locker room while chatting about the game. It took him some time to take his bath and get ready, and he came out of the locker room along with some friends that patted his back and complimented his plays, waving him goodbye as soon as they saw us waiting, knowing you wouldn’t go to the party.

“Y/N told me you can’t score a point as a Libero” Was the first thing Paris said, chuckling, making Han cackle up.

“You should know it by now! You came to literally every game I played for… Two years? It’s insane! What did you think? That I was a terrible player?” Paris grinned sheepishly and this time you cackled up.

“It seems like your partner doesn’t believe in your abilities” You pointed out, making him snort “Anyway, I heard you would be paying if you didn’t score anything, so it’s on you today, loser” Han grinned, throwing his arms around your shoulders, pulling both of you closer as he guided you.

“I can offer you the best hot dog in town” He agreed “Maybe even a soda if we all share it” Paris laughed, holding his wrist as she walked along with him, you took the hint to take his arm off your shoulders and let them have their moment, missing the way he pouted when you broke away the contact.

“I can pay for our drinks” You offered, making Han gasp in mock chock.

“Rich, aren’t we?” He joked, getting a light push on the shoulder as an answer.

“I work for a reason, moron” You rolled your eyes “Now let’s split that bill” You smiled as the three of you made your way to your favorite hot-dog stand on campus.

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lilyginnyblackv2 · 4 years

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Things About Rin in Yashahime Episode 1:

1. She is wearing a yellow and orange kimono, which may be a newer kimono that she got from Sesshomaru, but was an interesting choice color wise. I say this because the color and design, even if it is a newer or bigger kimono, is reflective of the kimono she wore when she was younger and still under Sesshomaru’s direct care. That is a link that is meant to be made in the viewers minds. Though, the creators also likely went with this choice in color and pattern for the kimono so it would be very easy to know that was Rin right away.

2. This episode seems to squarely divide the adults from the kids. Kohaku is tasked with keeping Hisui safe and Shippo is ready to protect the twins, but I sincerely doubt that Sango would have felt safe enough to leave her children and Rin solely in the protection of those two. It’s only when she notices that Sesshomaru is standing over the house that she knows that her children and the other kids will be kept safe.

Shippo, Rin, and even Kohaku seem to be kept in the “children’s” category, since we have Sango stating to Miroku that they should return to the kids towards the end of the flashback, after Root Head has been defeated. All of the adults were out fighting,even Kaede and Sesshomaru (who, while he didn’t fight, he was keeping the danger at bay and was outside of the house), all of the children were kept inside (even Kohaku was ushered inside after having took part in the battle a little bit, though his existence is more “in-between,” which makes sense, since he is a teen by now).

3. Let’s take a quick look at this bit:

It’s an image of Rin’s introduction in the episode. In the English they translated it to something like “A Girl Who Adores Sesshomaru.” Now, I checked out the RAW version to see what Japanese word was used for “adore.” The answer is 慕う (shitau). Shitau is a word associated with love, in general, but not necessarily romantic love (though romantic love could blossom from it, but it isn’t commonly associated with romantic love). Here are some of the possible English meanings/translations of the word from Jisho.org:

1. to yearn for; to long for; to pine for; to miss; to love dearly; to adore

2. to follow (someone)

3. to idolize (for virtue, learning, status, etc.)

When I did some research into the word though, it seems that many Japanese people tend to associate the word with familial bonds (younger -> older for siblings, child -> parent, etc.). Over on the Japanese dictionary site (weblio), which gives the definition for the word, all of the examples involve a familial connection or love.

And on this site (called smcb.jp) various Japanese give their own thoughts and feelings on the different words that the OP asked about (all connected to love in some way). Many noted that it had to do with familial connections or of admiration for a teacher, upperclassman, or senior member, etc.

Over on Hi Native post, there is a post on shitau that states the suggested translation of the word is actually “admire,” which I feel would have worked here with Rin (I actually think it would have been more fitting than “adore,” but “adore” works okay too). And there is another Hi Native post, which provides examples, all of which use either familial bonds or a bond between students and teachers. And there is also a Hi Native dictionary post on the word, going in depth on the usage of shitau. It notes that the word doesn’t mean love, but can mean something like “I adore you.”

Essentially, shitau is a word that is heavily connected with “looking up to someone.” Now, a romantic love could form from that, sure. But this seems more heavily connected to the “looking up to” that someone does for a parent, older sibling, or someone who can teach or help them grow in some way (a teacher or senpai). It also implies that the person being looked up to is respected by the person looking up to them.

Edit: I originally had links in the post (and you may still find that version floating around), but made an edit and got rid of them so that the post will actually show up when searched/in the tags. You can easily search and find all of the things I mention above though in concerns to 慕う (shitau) and its meaning in Japanese.

Basically, what I’m getting at, is that this first episode really isn’t painting Rin in a romantic light or potentially romantic light at all. It’s presenting Rin as a child who admires Sesshomaru in a similar way that a child admires an older sibling, parent, or teacher. We are given imagery (a kimono in the same color and style as her one from the series), words (her being lumped in with “the kids”), and a descriptive word that connects her with children and loving admiration.

She isn’t being presented as a young woman to us and her love isn’t being shown as romantic either. Could things change? Yeah. Would I personally want this dynamic to change to romantic? No thank you. I feel that the choice to make this the first episode and the first impression that new fans to the series / franchise will have is also important to take into consideration and note.

#hanyou no yashahime: sengoku otogizoushi #Rin #Sesshomaru #Inuyasha #yashahime #Japanese language #just some interesting things to note #long post

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ichika27 · 3 years

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The World Ends with You

(Yeah, it’s the same screenshot I used for my post about ep. 1. I couldn’t get a new one so...)

Ah, first week without the TWEWY anime to look forward to. I’m actually kinda sad cause I’d miss waiting for the episode every Saturday night (Ani-One posts theirs on that day here). I have some stuff I wanna say about the anime so I thought I’d make one of these plus this is a good way to end the twewy anime blog post series I make every week. I’ll try not to spoil until the very bottom of this post which will have a spoiler warning.

Also, this will be very long and rambly as most of my fandom posts are haha.

Story:

A boy named Neku wakes up in the middle of Shibuya with no memory and finds himself as a player in the Reaper’s Game. For a week he must partner up with a girl named Shiki and both of them must complete missions, battle creatures called noise, and survive as failure meant erasure.

Characters:

Neku Sakuraba - our main protagonist who somehow lost his memories and is now playing the Reaper’s Game. He’s a loner who isn’t too keen on getting close to anyone let alone working alongside anybody - unfortunately for him, it’s a requirement if he wants to survive. As a player he has an assortment of abilities to fight off noise and other enemies (in the game this meant he can use a lot of different pins).

Shiki Misaki - the nice and friendly Shiki becomes Neku’s partner in the Reaper’s Game. Unlike Neku she has knowledge of the game and fills Neku in on things he doesn’t understand. Her ability is to control her stuffed toy called Nyantan/Mr. Mew which she uses in combat.

Beat - the tough skateboarding player, he’s somewhat more like the typical hot-blooded shounen protagonist when compared to Neku. He’s protective of those he care about especially his game partner, Rhyme. He uses his skateboard in battle.

Rhyme - Beat’s game partner who is a lot kinder and calmer than him. Rhyme tends to be the one to reason with Beat when needed and the two are always seen together.

Yoshiya Kiryu - a mysterious boy who seem to know more than he lets on and acts at times acts suspicious. He prefers to be called by the nickname Joshua.

Sanae Hanekoma - a cafe owner who helps out Neku and the others and would give them advice. His advice prove to be very helpful and Neku takes them to heart. Seem to have a lot of knowledge about the Reaper’s Game but doesn’t seem to be a reaper himself.

Thoughts:

(I tried my best to not be spoilery in the character descriptions so some names weren’t written in full)

The World Ends with You (or in the original Japanese “Subarashiki Kono Sekai”/It’s a Wonderful World) is an anime based on the video game of the same name. It had to compress an entire game’s worth of story within it’s 12 episode run which meant they cut out a lot of things and combined some scenes to quickly run through them. It’s theme song is the anime version of the game’s original OP “Twister” although this wasn’t what was originally planned but an incident involving the band who sang the original theme forced them to make changes. The original voice actors from the game also reprised their roles for the anime. The series is created to be watched before the release of the long-awaited sequel game.

The art style is made to be similar to it’s game version (with a bit of change to adapt it as an anime like when it comes to body proportions). They also retained the effect of the characters from the UG (players/reapers) being brightly colored while those from the RG having darker/muted colors. While the noise are obviously cg, I personally liked this since they’re said to be from a different plane anyways so it’s a nice contrast to those from the UG and RG. They had to update the setting though as years had passed since the original game’s creation and they had to model anime version of Shibuya to what it’s real life counterpart now looks. The characters are also given smartphones instead of the flip phones they had in the game (anime-only watchers who are gonna play the game would have to get used to them still using flip phones though lol).

Okay so story-wise... it’s rushed. Of course it is. They shortened it so that what’s left would mostly be important plot points from the main story but they cut out many scenes that consist of character interactions and several little things that could’ve fleshed out the characters more. The gameplay is also made simpler with some mechanics taken away and the mini games weren’t adapted (RIP to Reaper Creeper and Tin Pin Slammer, especially the latter as you’re severely missed). The game boast an assortment of characters and some NPCs have their own stories but due to the anime’s limited run time, they had to either be cut out (and are just given cameos) or given smaller roles (and their stories weren’t adapted). They did, however, give a few bits and pieces of information that weren’t in the game such as some details about certain characters and one supporting character was given a bit more screentime that they did in the game version.

Despite the rushed nature of the series (which may or may not affect how one views the story itself), the anime made sure to adapt several important scenes and the dramatic stuff is made worse... like, they really had to make some deaths harder to take. The battle scenes were nice as well although my biggest complaint about them is that the boss fights were over too quickly. There were scenes that were changed for the anime version and there are those that I liked and those I didn’t but there are many which I think was as good as the game’s version.

Do I recommend the anime? The game is better, the characters and story are more fleshed out and the way the character/relationship development happens is better paced so of course, me, biased already would tell you to play the game instead if you haven’t yet. Do I recommend those who played the game to watch the anime? Yes! Yes I do. I think the anime is better watched when you’ve played the game and know the stuff that they cut out cause it’ll make better sense that way. Plus I found it enjoyable seeing the scenes from the game animated and the characters are speaking whole dialogues and moving. It’s great!

Even if the anime wasn’t perfect, like I mentioned before, they did their best to condense the entire main story in a 12 episode series and it tried to be as faithful as it could to the original story so despite the deviations when it comes to how things got to the way they did, if you summarize important plot points, they would be the same (with some details changed). Overall, it was very enjoyable and it wasn’t as bad as I feared when I heard how many episodes the anime was going to have.

Some spoiler thoughts:

It would’ve been better if the anime had more episode count than just 12. Cramming a 3 week story of game into just 12 made the thing very rushed with Week 1 only getting three episodes, Week 2 getting four, and final Week getting five. They had to get to the good stuff so they cut off a lot of scenes where the characters are interacting with each other which means they suddenly get character developments and relationship developments too quickly. It might not be that obvious to anime-only watchers but to me, it felt kinda sudden and it feels like it doesn’t work out well story-wise since Neku had to learn how to trust other people and make friends and with how he started vs. how he came out of it contrasting each other.

By the way, they made the characters look good in the anime. Especially Joshua. Have you seen Joshua? He’s so pretty in the anime. I want a picture of him I could stare at anytime I want to (I do not own a phone, sadly).

I like how they gave Eri more scenes though and that they changed her outfit for the anime so she won’t look exactly like UG!Shiki. All of her scenes though made me feel like I wish the anime gave closure to Shiki’s own story by showing us her and Eri making up. Another scene I liked in the anime is Neku’s fanboying of CAT when he finds out the truth. It was adorable.

Some info was taken away from the anime. Beat and Rhyme leaving home had scene dialogue and unlike Beat just narrating it in-game but they didn’t mention specifically why he was angry and his trouble at home. Joshua wasn’t present when Sota and Nao gave Neku a pep-talk either which is a shame cause I think that helped Josh as well.

I mentioned before how the anime made things go too fast. They cut off chunks of not-main-plot story that let the characters interact with each other more which means each game day is shortened as well. I think it made sense that Neku wakes up at the scramble in the end and not stressed out because he didn’t go through as much as his game counterpart did. That said, game Neku learned a lot from more than just the main cast in the game compared to the anime so I like his character development in the game better.

They took away Tin Pin Slammer. I am sad and disappointed. I was hoping so bad for Another Day to be adapted even if it’s an OVA. That and the ramen incident are part of Josh’s week which meant some side of him wasn’t shown (I mean, anime fans don’t know he wasn’t there on week 3 since he’s busy playing a kid’s game elsewhere and how he could talk about food like he is from a cooking anime). Speaking of Josh, they made him very suspicious from the get-go in the anime. I understand as there’s a limited run-time and they can’t really afford to be subtle about it but it meant some of the fun interactions with Neku is gone and so are some scenes where they actually got along. At least they had ice cream together, I guess?

(I have more to say when it comes to Joshua cause he’s my fave character but this is long and my thoughts on it would make this way longer. I might make another post.)

In the end, it wasn’t perfect but the anime was fun and enjoyable enough that I found myself looking forward to it every week. Seeing scenes I recognize from the game in animated form (with voice acting!) felt exciting and awesome. I’ll miss this show and I still wish it was longer.

If you’ve read this far well, thank you. And also I’m confused why but still hopefully that was a good time-killer. I have so many other things I wanted to comment on but that’s for another time. Maybe.

#Subarashiki Kono Sekai #subaseka #the world ends with you #twewy #sana_post

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panharmonium · 4 years

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“now you can still make that happen.”

just a few thoughts prompted by this awesome post by @clotpolesonly, which i did not want to hijack - it is fantastic on its own and does not need my thoughts attached to it. and you should definitely go read it before you proceed here, because a) it’s great, and b) this particular post of mine is not going to make a lot of sense without it.

(a preview, for those who haven’t already clicked through: the linked post above is a terrific analysis of why the second part of will’s line “you’re a good man, merlin. a great man. and one day you’re going to be servant to a great king” feels a little bizarre in comparison to the rest of his dialogue, and how it seems contradictory to what we’ve learned about will’s character previously.)

i LOVED hearing somebody pull this moment out and question it, because this is a moment that i have also thought about a LOT, and while i personally have ended up in a place where i do understand why will might say something like this in this particular context, i ALSO fully agree that this is the most muddled line he has, characterization-wise, because i don’t think the average viewer is going to sit around thinking about how to fit this slightly unusual moment into will’s established characterization, or even recognize that’s it’s unusual at all; they’re just going to CHANGE will’s established characterization to align with this line. and what i mean by that is that i'm pretty sure this line is solely responsible for every fic i’ve ever seen where will’s reaction to arthur is portrayed as either a mistake, an overreaction, or anything other than a legitimate, valid concern about merlin’s safety/well-being, and for that reason alone i’d be happy to have it modified.

but despite this (because i HAVE sat around thinking about how to fit this moment into will’s established characterization), i actually do look at this line in a way that makes it feel natural to me in context, and now that somebody else has brought it up, i figured i’d just write my own thoughts down, in case anybody else has ever spent any time thinking about this. (an unlikely possibility, I realize, given that will only shows up in one episode, but i have given up pretending that i am not super over-invested in this character, so - here i am, once again offering you yet another very long post about a very niche thing.)

so.

first of all, the absolute most important takeaway from the whole “you’re going to be servant to a great king” moment is exactly what OP says (and it’s also exactly the same thing that this particular line is in danger of obscuring, for folks who aren’t thinking carefully about it) - just because will realizes that arthur wasn’t going to let the villagers die without risking his own neck doesn’t mean that will is now riding the arthur pendragon bandwagon. will doesn’t save arthur because he’s suddenly become arthur’s biggest fan; he saves arthur because it’s the right thing to do. will doesn’t have time to sit around and think about it and debate with himself like ‘hm i don’t like this guy but merlin thinks he’s ok and the man did risk himself for our village so maybe i should still help him out.’ he just jumps. instinctively, automatically. he sees somebody in danger and his unthinking reflex is to get in the way. it’s just who he is. he would have done that for anybody who was standing in front of him.

will has not suddenly turned into an arthur stan just because arthur did one okay thing. will still witnesses arthur aggressively interrogating merlin about sorcery, and, like OP says, will still lies. he still doesn’t trust arthur, not with merlin’s life. he still doesn’t think camelot is a good place for merlin. and he still doesn’t think merlin’s “friendship” with arthur is real or safe or healthy or anything equal to what merlin deserves.

so the question then becomes - why on earth does will say what he says???

you’re a good man, merlin. a great man. and one day you’re going to be servant to a great king. now you can still make that happen.

(i’ll be honest, before i get into this - i think OP is right. i don’t think the writers really thought about it this hard. i think it probably was, in fact, just meant to be our customary reaffirmation that arthur is cool and merlin is on the right path, even though that fact looks kind of...questionable by any logical assessment of the situation.)

HOWEVER, i am stubborn, and i’m personally committed to making as much of the show’s canon work for me as possible, so back when i was doing a bunch of characterization work on will last year, i thought about this line a lot. because the linked post above is RIGHT; it doesn’t fit, at first glance, and it would be easy to draw the wrong conclusion from it, if you weren’t paying attention.

and ultimately, after i thought about it for a long time, i ended up in a place where i felt like i understood where this line was coming from, and i no longer felt that it was necessarily out of character (though again, let’s be real - you shouldn’t have to do that much thinking about something to figure out how it could fit with someone’s characterization. the writers could have been a bit clearer.)

but anyway, that said - the following is how i conceive of that bit, if it helps anybody feel better about that scene. this isn’t the only way to think about it, by any means, or the “correct” way (as i said earlier, i do think it’s completely reasonable to say “this wasn’t a super well-thought out line” and discard it). this is just the interpretation that feels most natural to me.

i think, ultimately, what helps me understand this line is acknowledging that will, in this scene, is giving merlin a gift. by lying for merlin, will protects the Big Secret from being discovered, but when he does so, he’s giving merlin back more than just his physical safety. he’s giving merlin the freedom to pursue all of the things that will himself was so adamantly against for the entirety of this episode, all of the things that will repeatedly told merlin it wasn’t good for him to want. his lie saves merlin’s life, yes, but it also ensures that merlin can return to camelot, continue to work as arthur’s servant, go back to the very life that will himself thinks is stunningly unworthy for merlin, but which merlin, for some inexplicable, unfathomable reason, feels is bafflingly important.

will gives merlin a gift, in this scene, despite his own misgivings. and when he says “one day you’re going to be servant to a great king,” that is a gift of another kind: trust. merlin is the one who first described arthur with those particular words, up in the hedgerow, when he and will were arguing with each other. “one day arthur will be a great king, but he needs my help.” and what will is doing here, by using those words, isn’t so much him declaring his own support for arthur as a ruler; it’s him saying to merlin, “i heard you. i listened to you. i don’t know why you’re so convinced of this, and i know we were having a row, but i was still listening to you. i trust you.”

will says this to merlin, in his last few moments, even though will himself isn’t sure about arthur, or camelot, or any of it. it doesn’t matter that will isn’t sure. will doesn’t want to dole out more warnings right now. he doesn’t want the last thing merlin hears from him to be another admonishment, another critique, another “you don’t know what you’re doing and this is going to blow up in your face.” will wants the last thing merlin hears from him to be i want you to have what you want, even if i don’t understand why you want it. i'm giving you what you asked for, just because you asked for it. i’m choosing to trust you.

will has already said everything he needs to say about arthur. he’s already told merlin what he thinks of this whole camelot situation. but sometimes, when you love somebody, you have to take your hands off the wheel. will tells merlin “one day you’re going to be servant to a great king” (repeating something merlin specifically said to him, something merlin said in the middle of a heated argument, something merlin prefaced with “i don’t expect you to understand”), because will is telling him “i heard you when you told me this, even if you didn’t think i was listening.” he’s telling merlin “i have faith in you, even if i don’t have faith in him.” it’s him relinquishing control over the situation.

will has absolutely no reason to trust arthur. he doesn’t trust arthur, truly. he says what he says for merlin. it’s something he offers to merlin, as a gift. it’s part of their reconciliation. it’s why merlin immediately follows will’s now you can still make that happen with “thanks to you.” merlin acknowledges everything will is giving him, in that moment, brushing past the mention of arthur like it’s not even there, immediately re-centering will in the discussion. “thanks to you.” you did this for me. you’re giving this to me.

“one day you’re going to be servant to a great king.” just this line, itself, is a gift. for will to say that to merlin - it’s a gift. it’s an acknowledgment that merlin’s convictions are worthy, even if will doesn’t understand them. it’s will apologizing for saying that merlin doesn’t know what’s best for his own life, it’s will handing merlin the reins, it’s will saying i don’t trust him on his own merits; i trust you. i’m trusting what you told me. i trust you to know what you need, so i’m going to give you everything you want, even if i don’t know why you want it.

and i do think that this is absolutely, 100% influenced by the timing. in a different situation, will wouldn’t have backed down like that. he would have continued to give merlin grief, to ask hard questions, to criticize, to say “why are you being like this; you can do better than this; why are you making bad choices; why are you settling for so much less than you deserve?”

but will is dying, and i don’t think he wants to leave merlin on that note. merlin has already lived his entire life almost completely unsupported by the people around him, mistrusted by his neighbors, hunted by the ruling powers of multiple nations, prevented from pursuing any answers that might have helped him accept himself, always mired down in a bog of self-doubt. will can’t bring himself to leave merlin that same way. he doesn’t want to leave merlin with more ‘i don’t trust you and i don’t support you and i don’t think you should do the things you think you need to do,’ even if it’s offered in the spirit of “i just want the best for you.” he can’t bring himself to do that. so instead he makes a concession, for merlin’s sake, and chooses to offer merlin complete, radical trust, in spite of his own doubts.

it’s...this is a trust fall. this is will saying i trust you to drive this car, even though it looks like you’re about to drive us off a cliff. and merlin, for his part, knows full well that will probably would have pushed harder, under different circumstances, but he also recognizes will’s concession for the gift that it is. he understands that will’s personal opinions may not have changed, but that will is saying ‘i believe in you, despite everything.’ he understands that will is stepping off a bridge with nothing but merlin’s word to assure him that the drop is survivable.

i do still think it’s totally reasonable to feel like this is an unusual thing for will to say, for sure. but for me, personally, when i look at it this way, i see it as fully in-character, because the core thing about will, for me, is that he consistently does things that go against his own interests in order to help merlin. coming back to fight a battle he knows can’t be won, saving arthur’s life, pretending to be a sorcerer - his decisions consistently make his own life worse and merlin’s life better. the things he does are always done for merlin’s sake, at his own expense.

and sometimes - like in this scene - i think the things he says are said for merlin’s sake, too.

merlin and will both know each other too well for merlin to really think that will is jumping on the arthur train. merlin knows exactly what will is really trying to say. he knows it’s a parting gift. he understands that it’s just will’s way of saying, “i’m leaving and i want you to know i love you this much, to jump when you jump, even though i personally think the drop is deadly. that’s how much i trust you. that’s how much i believe in you.”

merlin understands, and will feels understood. they leave arthur and camelot behind, after that exchange. they’ve both said everything they need to say about it. they’ve put that argument to bed, in the best way they can manage, with the time they have available to them. will has made his feelings about arthur and camelot clear, and now he’s also made it clear that he trusts merlin to know what’s right. whether or not that proves to be true, later, isn’t relevant - only merlin can make decisions about where his life is going, after all, and will acknowledges that fact, here, at the end, as a gift to his only friend. he might have taken a different tack if he weren’t dying, yeah. but since he is, he decides that merlin deserves to walk away from this moment with at least the small comfort of knowing that will, when the chips were down, chose to trust merlin implicitly.

that’s the only reason why arthur’s future as “a great king” even comes up in that conversation. the rest of that scene is just about merlin and will, and how much they care for each other.

and for two people who never had anybody else, that’s just as it should be.

#the once and future slowburn #long post #meta #bbc merlin gen #no kings no masters #every time i think i've exhausted every possible topic of discussion related to this episode i am proven.....wrong #XD #i legit loved the post that prompted this one; i had spent so much time thinking about that line last year #and this is the first time i've ever seen anyone bring it up #FANTASTIC EYE @CLOTPOLESONLY #absolutely spot on #like even if i ultimately have found a way to feel like this line makes sense i still agree with everything OP says #i can make it work for myself but she's right; that is definitely an eyebrow-raising moment

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