#Stray kids angst

[sunboki]

⎯ for eternity longer. ⟡ featuring christopher bahng

🍼 : Christopher Bahng x implied! fem. reader

TROPE. pregnancy! au, dad! channie au, overall so so fluffy, comfort, slighttt angst if you squint

WORD COUNT. 6.4k words ☆ 30 minute read

WARNINGS. worry about delivery complications, cursing (??), anxiety, implied intercourse, regards to gender

AUG'S NOTES. i think channie would be an amazing dad :) just a thought i decided to place to paper (in this case, digitally). thank you for waiting so patiently!! please enjoy <3

PLAYLIST.

SYNOPSIS. Christopher Bahng had intentions upon one day being a father, but when the news of a little one on the way becomes the forefront of a life he’d initially spent with one world, you, he’s quickly introduced to the second world he’ll come to adore, a baby.

or alternatively :

Blossoming beginnings, and the bump.

“Channie, baby,”

His name is whispered between sleepy breaths, brows knitted where your eyes attempt at focusing amidst a slumbering haze.

The meager vision granted from a candle paves view to your husband, currently resting his cheek against the soft bump of your belly, pressing the occasional kiss there.

“It’s so cute,” He mumbles, tracing shapes along the skin, eyes crinkling into the dimpled-smile you’ve come to adore.

“‘S late.”

Offering the remark, you smooth a thumb along his jaw, dipping down to trace his bottom lip and earning a small peck against the digit in reply, chocolate irises flickering up to your face with so much love you fear you’re melting.

“I know,” Chris whispers where his lips press to your thumb, voice muffled. “I’m sorry just—“

One chaste kiss to your belly later and he cracks a smile.

“Just love it.” 

Another kiss, then another.

“Love you, love this. I’m so happy.” 

You are my world, he professes wordlessly, and you scorn the heaviness of your eyes in shielding him from view, the inability for your vocal cords to utter those same three words as you drift back to sleep.

And this is my second world, Chris thinks to himself, fighting slumber to gaze at you just a moment longer, savor. 

Because he couldn’t explain how lucky he is, and how beautiful you are, and how warm he feels, his head fuzzy and jumbled into mushy bliss.

A baby, and the thought alone makes him want to squeal.

Chris had yet to ever be hit by a tsunami (thank goodness for that), but he thinks he’s found an equivalent to the feeling.

That equivalent being a particular call while in the studio, an unsettlingly studious Han Jisung seated behind him on the couch while Changbin stands in the recording room, pointing out things in need of fine tuning.

So when you call, he’s led to believe it could be regarding dinner, maybe a date preposition away from his busied schedule.

Yet, upon hearing a sniffle, his eyes round to the size of saucers, index aptly missing where he’d click his mouse, drawing the attention of his fellow producers, their eyes narrowed in mild concern.

“Chris.. baby, I know this is so.. so sudden but,” Between your hiccups and his heart racing, he reruns everything that could’ve gone amiss. He knew you were running late when it came to your period thanks to the cycle-tracking app on his phone, but then again, usually it’d miraculously show up.

Maybe he’d said something? Forgotten something?

Birthday, anniversary, a family member passing?

His head fills with a plethora of possibilities, too many to pinpoint.

“Baby I,” You pause, and Chris rises up to slip to the corner of the room, shushing you gently.

“Hey, hey honey, ‘need you to take deep breaths, okay? It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay. Tell me whenever you’re ready.” He consoles, shifting from foot to foot in a futile attempt at warding the nerves.

A sharp inhale and then-

“We’re having a baby, Chris. I’m pregnant.”

It’s hard for you to even believe, and Chris swears his stomach jumped to his throat for a moment, making hurried eye contact with an evidently confused Han and Changbin from across the studio.

Pregnant.

Immediately abandoning his work, he grants the two a hurried nod they simply wave in response to, fervently racing from the building and somehow managing to avoid a ticket on his 20-mile-over-the-speed-limit drive home, rushing through the doorway to scoop you up into his arms and hold you close, let you cry as much as you need.

Hell, he’s not the one carrying the baby anyway. You’re the one in need of all the fretting.

As if he didn’t fret over you anyway.

Tender fingers ease back the strands of hair from your face, pressing kiss after kiss to your sniffling frame.

If you want to keep the baby, if you need time to think, time to be alone, he’s ready for that. All of it. 

Though contraceptives were always in play when it came to the bedroom, it seemed some things would remain out of control.

“I’m.. hic.. I’m keeping it, okay?”

And he’s okay with that, okay with anything his beloved decides upon, thumbing the tears from your pretty face to place a slow kiss to your lips.

On this presumably routine Thursday of his, Chris finds out he’s going to be a Dad.

If there was an acute title to cover the months of your pregnancy, it would be: Ways Christopher Bahng Has Lost His Mind, A Saga. 

Plus the bump, of course.

As for today, at a darling twelve weeks, Chris’s cup of coffee grows cold the longer he entertains a call from Jisung—currently being berated for failing to give them even the slightest clue what was going on until dropping the news.

..In which ensues a screaming Hyunjin in the background, Minho’s snide jokes, Changbin’s silent shock, and the evident awe of the surrounding members leering by the phone where the friend group went for drinks.

Minus the dad-to-be.

”So.. Daddy-O, how’s the father thing going for you?” Jisung offers after a moment, his snickering followed by Chris’s bemused scoff. 

“A dream,” He replies, running a hand through curly brown strands wound into charming coils from earlier steam, having stepped from the shower moments ago.

It was true, every bit.

To think that you, his love he’s worried more about than anyone, spent countless nights awake thinking of has now granted him the greatest gift of a lifetime leaves him elated. 

Trust, the first ultrasound he cried as if he was the baby.

Of course, failing to give their leader a second of reprieve, his remark earns a cacophony of swooning and cringing in response to the sappiness.

Nonetheless, since the announcement he’s organized an update in schedule. More work from home, more paychecks cashed into maternity magazines and things he learns with time in order to support your pregnancy, and tagging along to each and every checkup.

With you already sleeping and him returning late from the studio, the night is slow, quiet. 

Well, after he hangs up.

”Hey sweetness, ‘sorry for waking you.”

Watching your face crinkle up as the bed dips beneath his weight, he reaches a hand forward, sweeping the hair from your face as your husband spoons you close to his back, exhaling a heavy sigh of relief.

Your smell, your warmth, touch.

He’s far too smitten to be healthy.

But then again, is there any remedy to adoration?

“Busy at the studio?” You murmur from your curled up spot, only just beginning to get used to sleeping on your side.

Of the many adjustments.

“Mm,” A nod nudges at your back, his fingertips—oh so careful as they roam—settling on your stomach, holding the skin with reverence you can’t help but hum in response to.

“I cannot believe you,” Begun with a bemused scoff, you earn your husbands grunt of confusion and yet another laugh on your end.

“There’s barely a bump and they’ve got you wrapped around their finger already.”

This, predictably, results in Chris’s boyish whine. 

“‘S not my fault,” He groans like a petulant teenager, nosing at the nape of your neck. 

“Just love you.” 

His voice is a mere utterance amidst the fan overhead, and you have to crane to hear him.

“And I’m going to be learning to love someone else soon.”

A soft squeeze to your belly.

“How exciting.” 

Twenty weeks, and your big journey comes in the form of grocery shopping, something you insisted upon doing alone (much to Chris’s fretting).

Although he tries his best in not being a mother hen, it’s beyond difficult without his instinctive worry butting in, so nervous for a reason he himself can’t even pinpoint.

Is he worried about you? Is he excited about the baby? 

Endless questions swim in his mind, dappling a world he once knew as black and white into shades of pastel, with charming rubber duckies and pacifiers to boot.

It’s a new world, one full of unfamiliar things and little surprises along the way. 

But he’s made his promise to lay off the stressing as much as he can, knowing you need time for you most of all before becoming new parents.

Crouched over the tiny home studio he’s procured, your husband arduously searches through files—sending the majority over to Jisung and Changbin for revisions back at the main studio.

From the corner or his vision does he see you and—

Ah.

There you stand, clad in a sweater of yours tucked into a long, flower-patterned skirt—just enough to show off the bump, and he swears he’s looking at you with heart-eyes.

Gorgeous.

If not more.

Yet another reason why Chris has lost his mind.

You’re more beautiful than anyone he's ever seen, and he doubts that factor will change for the rest of his life. Even when you’re emotional and begin growing insecure, when your feet hurt or when your cravings grow too volatile, he adores.

Too much sometimes he fears his heart will beat from his chest. 

“Hi, sweetness.” 

The words are a bit hoarse, spoken as if he were uttering the endearment through a tube. 

“Hi, Channie.”

Shoot him.

Joking.

Kind of.

You’re too cute. He’s going to have a heart attack. 

Looking like that, cupid has his job cut out for him.

“You headed out?”

Reaching for your bag does Chris rise from his chair, padding over to gather your face in his hands and press a slow kiss to your lips you soak up, your own hands winding into curly strands he groans in response to.

“Mm,” He begins after a moment, kiss after kiss pressed to your jaw, down your neck, by your earlobe his teeth nip at. “I’m getting déjà vu on how the baby got here, hm?”

Spurring your laughter and a light smack to his shoulder in response, his warm hands slip down to cradle your belly, a final touch followed by one last kiss before you’re off.

It’s much too easy to fall in love with this man over and over again.

.

.

.

Of many surprises throughout your pregnancy, Lee Minho knowing about babies happened to be yet another. That, and seeing him at the grocery store in the first place.

The baby food aisle is more than daunting, and while the determined part of you crooned about “making it yourself” and taking the time to mash up each and every carrot and apple slice, the sensible part knew the moment you were discharged from the hospital after delivery, there was no chance you’d take on such a task.

“This one’s good.”

Having been greeted with a small wave of his hand and quieted footsteps approaching close, the dancer peers into your cart, brows lifted in silent acquisition where he points to a brand of mashed banana purée. 

How he knows this baby food is good is beyond you. 

Then again, Minho has always been peculiar.

“Hm? Any other recommendations?” You ponder, deciding to entertain his conversation and gaining plenty of recommendations whilst roaming about in the process.

Though, that’s before a frivolous little boy comes blindly tottering along, his clumsy limbs aimed straight for you prior to Minho’s careful step shielding you, the panicked mother steering the toddler away with endless apologies.

About to thank him, he seems to beat you to it.

“Mm? Need to sit down?” Observant eyes flitting over your form, he places an assuring hand to the middle of your back you can’t help but feel appreciative of.

It’s not that Minho isn’t kind, he’s usually just.. more subtle about it. Putting extra food a member likes on their plate without them noticing, making sure everyone feels included during dinners.

So for him to be a bit more upfront about it is.. sweet.

Well, until a wry smile tugs at his lips in amusement.

“‘Think you can handle that? A toddler like that?”

And.. there’s the Minho you’re used to.

“I think..” The thought comes to you as you venture, his hand remaining where it lingers upon your sweater-clad back as you make for the checkout line.

“The baby will look more like Chris.”

This beckons a cocked brow, evident mischief on his face.

“What, balding at twenty-six?”

You were thinking cute, with Chris’s curls and big brown eyes but— yeah, that too apparently. Your husband would both burst out laughing and burst into tears if he were here, the mental image bringing a smile to your lips.

Nevertheless, you spend your time with the feline-like companion cracking not-so-funny jokes and snide but playful remarks, a silent “thank you” mouthed when he lifts the grocery bags from your hands to carry to the car.

“Say, what’re you doing over here anyway?” 

“Mmh?” He perks up, fluffy bangs fringing beneath a bucket hat upon his head, the slow gust of an occasional breeze announcing Winter’s gradual departure, moseying on to Spring.

“Ah,” Bunny-like teeth peek from his upper lip when his lips part, hoisting a single bag of his own upward. “Food for the kitties.” 

Of course.

The corner of your lips quirk into a grin.

Though, before you’re given the chance to slip into the front seat, he points again, regarding your bump this time.

“Should stop by sometime,” He starts, pausing before glancing down to your feet. “Or I can come to you two if you’re not up to it.” 

There it is, the tiny shred of consideration you treasure, one so swift you may miss it if you aren’t listening closely that warms your heart effortlessly.

“The kitties would knead your belly,” Mumbled quieter than the rest, a giggle stirs from his chest, wishing you off after a few moments the same way he greeted you: a wave and a small, awkward, tight-lipped smile.

And on your ride home, you decide upon giving Chris a call.

“Do you think the baby will start balding early?”

A chaste silence and some crackling from the other side of the line and then- 

“What.”

“‘M outside the studio, baby.”

“You’re what?”

A second “what”, after the balding question those few weeks ago.

Chris wants to think tricks are being played on him after having pleaded for you to stay home and wait to be pampered when he returns, but it seemed the leader—with his own stubborn tirade of seven—had forgotten his wife was equally as stubborn, and that if you were adamant on something, there’s no chance you’d budge.

And so, as the ultimate pushover(which he’ll admit himself) of a husband, he simply sighs, awaiting your precious, slightly-waddling figure making towards them from the elevator.

Ah, right. 

The waddle.

Oh if it doesn’t make his heart soar.

You’re almost surreal, with your soft, rounded frame and sweet, sweet eyes making him simply want to keep you in a hug forever.

From beside him, Hyunjin starts into a sing-song cacophony of: “The Mrs.’s is here” in tandem with your entrance, resulting in Chris’s light smack to his friend’s shoulder and the reddening of his ears as he both tries (and fails) to focus on new tracks.

So now, in occupying the couch behind him with Han on one side and Felix on your other, you spend your time giggling over videos on the freckled blond’s phone, chowing down on a bag of potato chips placed between you and Han, entertaining light conversation with Changbin, and sharing those momentary glances with your husband.

Quiet looks, with his face drained from the workload not failing to light up where he meets your eyes, your own warming happily. 

“Come home,” does your eyes speak.

“Just a little longer,” he replies without words.

 As the day stretches it’s exhaustion, waning a warm hue into evening sunset, Chris pads over, slow and wary where your sleepy form props upon the couch, fuzzy-sock-clad feet elevated on a pillow courtesy of Hyunjin’s matter-a-fact scolding to lower the swelling.

“I’m letting the little one listen,” He whispers, this squeaky, cheery giggle leaving his lips where he places the headphones once in hand overtop your belly, the low hum of their newest, unreleased track faintly resounding against the skin you can’t help but grin at.

It’s a scary thing, you think for a moment.

And then, just happy.

So you’ll cling to that happiness, no matter how fleeting. 

And a tiny nudge against the skin, a kick, tells you someone else is clinging to that happiness as well.

“Yah.. even if it’s almost spring, there’s still some breeze! Stay warm! Don’t try being a spring chicken!” Clicking his tongue in softened contempt, Han claps his hands resolutely, face scrunched up in conviction as the ever-adorable maknae, Jeongin, eases his jacket over your shoulders.

Resulting in the group’s ace’s squeal of affection and a harsh smack to Minho’s thigh, the older of the two fixes him with a glare Han fails to notice through his cooing, too busy admiring the bump peeking through the jacket.

It seems Chris isn’t the only one growing into a worried mess, and your trip home from the studio you press to take alone is filled with their hollering and well-wishes, the group having opted out for drinks knowing you’d be the odd one out with your mug of water relative to the bubbling of a beer, a matter you find heart-warming.

No less, you spend your night anticipating the arrival of a very sleepy Chris, busying yourself trying to follow a recipe without gagging at the most random of things.

Feebly managing through placing the tray in the oven, you deflate as a pair of long-awaited, warm arms come wrapping around you.

A mere lift from his hands, holding the weight of a nearly 30-week bump feels heavenly, and you simply groan, head lolling back against his shoulder, welcoming the kisses pressed to your cheek, neck.

Because as much as his own nerves are afire, Chris knows more than anything it’s pivotal for you to be taken care of as well. Making breakfast before heading out in the mornings, sending you little texts to remind you to stay hydrated.

Tiny things you hold close to your being, even if he isn’t aware.

Thank you, spoken amidst his subtle care.

I know, I love you, answered upon joining you in your nightly skincare.

“Ah? Really?”

Chatter after chatter fills the small bathroom, your spare bedroom already ransacked of its contents in making room for a nursery.

As for the conversation at hand, Chris fills you in on his dango pudding obsession while you busy yourself in applying moisturizer to his skin, a silly, matching headband to yours pulling back the hair from his face.

“Jisung got me hooked on it,” He grumbles, lashes fluttering down to fondly watch where you press a kiss to his lips before applying vaseline there, his fingers instinctively reaching for your pajamas like a clingy child.

You don’t mind.

“How’re you feeling?” He murmurs after a moment, head tipped quizzically, the slight knit of his brows in concern you wish to scowl at.

Sometimes it’s harder not swooning when it comes to your husband.

“You know me,” You start, scorning your ability to hear each thump of your heart in your chest within the quietness of the room. “I’m okay, yeah? The fatigue is just a pain, that’s all.”

His arms finding purchase on either side of the bathroom counter where he cages you in, you’re quickly reminded how this pregnancy came to be the longer you stare at his biceps, the veins littering upwards from his hands.

Not fair.

“You tell me, hm? If you need me to work from home more days, yeah? I will, you know that, honey.”

And of course he’s like some sort of forbidden fruit, so sweetly wholesome, sweet generally, when he looks so good. 

Too good.

For a time again, not fair.

“Chris.”

Screw it. You’re pregnant, and rightfully hot and bothered.

A little thing about pregnancy that no one had bothered to let you in on? There’s never been a greater time in your life that you’ve felt this horny.

Plus, an okay from the doctor is an okay to you. 

The other okay is his arms, and the utterly obscene things running through your head just looking at them as your hand finds his jaw to hold.

“I’d cry from how good you are to me if it weren’t for the fact I’m unbelievably worked up right now.”

Slowly do your arms loop around his shoulders, pulling him closer where a smile tugs at your lips, watching his own lips part in a shaky exhale, pupils dilating tenfold as your words sink in.

And it’s Chris’ turn in reminding himself how the pregnancy came to be.

“So let’s do something about it, hm?”

The press of his nose into your neck causes your lashes to flutter, cursing the streaks of sunlight peering through the blinds muddling already bleary vision. A warm grip beckons you closer snuggled against his bare chest, hands instinctively coming to soothe over your belly.

Habitual touch, comfort.

A dream, last night had been. As for now, you bathe in the afterglow, his scent enveloping you like an embrace you can’t bring yourself to pull away from.

“Think I’ll be a good dad?”

And then comes the quiet conversation. Soft and nearly inaudible, his breath tickling your shoulder.

“I know you will,” Comes your own reply, muffled against the pillow, a kiss pressing to your shoulder in appreciation.

“I just-“

He takes a breath, weighing the thought. 

It’s a coarse silence, one you know not to interrupt. He considers his words like this, a characteristic you’ve come to adore over the years. The blinking fast, the hesitant humming.

“You know how much I look up to my Dad, and I worry I just- I won’t live up to tha—“

Now it’s your turn to step in, before he goes over his head and blames himself again and again for a matter never his responsibility. The selfless one, who you remind must take care of himself too. 

Amid simple kisses or compliments scribbled on sticky notes, you find love between the lines.

“Chris. Chris, baby, listen to me. This baby loves you, I hope you know that. And I hope you know that I love you, and whatever happens next happens next.”

Inhaling slowly, you roll over to face your husband.

Covers drawn up to see only his eyes, it’s near foolish the smile you let on.

“You said it yourself, we’re in this together, okay? If we change, we change together. We move? We move together.”

His fervent nod, dearest eyes gleaming all watery make your heart clench.

“This is our first time being parents, you can’t expect to be perfect, yeah? All we can do is try,”

Careful hands come to cup his face, kissing his lips through the fabric of the bedsheets.

“And you’re trying so hard, so thank you. I don’t feel like I praise you enough for all that you do for me, hm?”

He’s quiet before soft, heart wrenching sniffles are heard, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand and grumbling to himself like a toddler.

“I feel like.. such an idiot.. crying when you’re the one carrying the baby.. hic.. Plus ‘s my.. my job to take care of you, yeah? ‘M your husband..”

Gently smoothing along his waterline in hushed reassurance does the man pull himself upward, slow to climb atop your form, littering your face in feverish pecks you can’t help but laugh at while the heels of your palms gently push at his jaw in playful aversion.

“I’m gonna make some breakfast,” He noses at your chin, the only sound between the both of you slow breaths and the occasional sniffle, the heat of his skin burning through you like wildfire. 

Chris has become a warm blanket for your cold winter, even more so during the pregnancy.

“And you are going to eat eggs.”

In which earns your groan, regarding the food scornfully for its rude manner of sparking nausea. Of the many things nauseating you these days. Volatile in manner.

“‘S good for the baby. ‘Just a bite.”

Another groan, swatting lightly at his shoulder in retaliation.

Prior to an ingenious idea breaching the forefront of your mind.

A tiny detail you’d been holding in, with your lack of fondness for an extravagant baby shower or a gender reveal, you’d planned a morning-in to be the perfect timing for an announcement.

Now coming to be this morning.

Because while Chris had been running to the car, you’d been in the thick of a sonogram all those weeks back, a dirty little secret having been told that the nurse swore to keep quiet.

“Chris.”

Eyebrows lifting in gentle curiosity, you want to hate the way your mischievous streak is melting, the stubbornness fading into your own glossy eyes and trembling lips, and a whole rush of distress and concern washes overtop the man above you like a bucket of ice cold water.

“It’s a girl.”

A sharp gasp, a choked sniffle.

“We’re having a baby girl.”

To say Chris cried like a baby for an additional time that morning would be a mass understatement.

Cried and cried and cried endlessly, before calling his parents first and crying more, then Hannah, then the guys.

Face all puffy and happy, you spent your day waltzing around the kitchen to the low buzz of the radio seated upon the far corner of your counter, sharing kisses he can’t seem to get enough of and too much smiling it made your cheeks ache.

.

.

.

Currently thirty-six weeks and perilously close to the awaited due date, the faint clatter in your periphery earns a startled huff of air, once-napping eyes flickering open, lids heavy from past slumbering.

A common occurrence, the constant sleeping, fatigue overboard. Although morning sickness has graciously subsided, the sleepiness is endless in her torrents.

As for now, each slow lull of the rocking chair the guys had assembled a few minutes prior continues her magic in beckoning you sleepy and sleepier.

“Shh dumbass— you’re gonna wake her up!”

And… beckons whisper-screaming from the group who had insisted upon helping set up the nursery. 

“Don’t curse in front of the baby!”

Han and Felix’s grumbled argument is returned with a scolding “Shh!” from Seungmin, inducing yet another—however brisk—silence, the faint hint of a chortle from your husband falling upon near deafened ears while drifting in and out of consciousness.

Nonetheless, the group continues to build, having now moved onto assembling furniture after the room’s paint had been finished. A mellow pink, not too muted nor saturated, highlighted when the room grows aglow with drifting rays of sunlight.

Hitched just to the right of the window, the crib’s being assembled, Changbin arduously working to follow directions, Minho taking a break on one of the couch cushions with a popsicle lodged between his lips.

Surprising, considering the slow shift in temperature. Autumn makes its entrance, summer waving a goodbye hand in the now-shorter days and a subtle breeze detected in early mornings. 

A September baby, it seems.

“Corner guards? Do we have corner guards?”

An ever organized (and rather caffeine-frenzied) Hyunjin reviews the list once more, having spent his night prior holed up in the studio for recording, obstinate in participating in the nursery despite the ushers to get some sleep instead.

“I have to be here, it’s my duty as an Uncle”, were his exact words, haughtily prancing about as if some entitled interior designer.

And yet he brought alive an enthusiasm like no other. So the guys let him stay without dragging him back home.

In the distance, a low strum of a guitar echoes, Seungmin’s soulful cadence recognizable amidst any crowd.

A lullaby for the baby, but you had yet to know of that just yet.

“Alright… curtains.. ‘gotcha…” Felix mumbles after taking a break from the crib-squabble between Han, his brows furrowed in concentration where Jeongin aids in lifting the canopy portion planning to hang above the crib, Chris organizing the small things. 

A baby mobile with stars and little planets, a crescent moon rug.

And a tiny feature you take note of while awakening more and more, the little stars painted on the ceiling, like this miniature galaxy. 

It’s so…Chris.

It’s perfect.

The thought makes your lips tug upward, a certain fondness blossoming there.

His world, he’d called the baby.

Fitting, isn’t it?

One week to the due date with the autumn equinox around the corner, your days slip together in a melody of fluffy jackets and fuzzy socks, warm cider Chris ushers instead of coffee—“for the baby”, he says, but begrudgingly fixes you a menial cup after the cocked brow you fix him with. 

A baby-bag is packed up for the awaited day of your delivery, and this journey of yours drawing to a close leads to an even more frazzled husband of yours.

Constantly peeking in on you, his lips parted without a question needing to be asked until the bathroom door is slammed in his face after peering in worriedly for a fourth time, earning a squeaky: “sorry!” in reply.

You love him, yes, but not enough to allow a spectator during your bowel movements.

The gesture is appreciated, trust.

Nevertheless, with a now-evident waddle you despise that Chris utterly fawns over, you head to the downtown bakery, motivated by your relentless craving for a cinnamon roll and the feeble determination in battling the dropping temperatures, Seoul’s seasonal shifts as intermittent as your mood swings.

“Two?” You mumble, index extended to the steaming cinnamon rolls in thought, currently using the coat-clad Chris behind you as support, his warm hands steadying your hips, gentle thumbs tracing circles along your sides over his jacket you’d donned.

Nodding into your hair, the man weighs his chin atop your head, granting the kind older woman working the register a small smile, her eyes flickering to the prominent bump fondly prior to fetching the highly-anticipated cinnamon rolls and inquiring how many weeks you were.

“Thirty-nine weeks,” Came the reply, giggling like children on the way home, cheeks flushed pink from bitter winds, sniffling in with each bite of the napkin-held pastry.

“Yah! I should’ve said I wasn’t pregnant and acted all offended, shoot!”

The words followed by a feigned tantrum, Chris has to hold in his laughter, snorting futilely.

“You’re cruel, y’know that?” Scoffing his exasperation does your husband continue to crack even crueler jokes than that of yours on the walk home, acting as an anchor to your aching bones and tirelessly pained back until the sink of the couch cushions beneath your frame serve as the perfect solace.

It’d been the blueprint for an ideal night in. Cinnamon roll long-since digested, a to-die-for massage provided by your husband, and the expectation of doing purely nothing for the remainder of your night.

Until the blueprint went awry upon brushing your teeth.

Curse that damn toothbrush.

Kidding.

“Channie.”

Between Chris, Channie, and terms of endearment, your husband could be an ex-convict with so many names.

Yet he responds to every and all, and at this very moment you’re more grateful than ever for that.

This time, his peeking-in is greatly appreciated.

“I either peed myself or my water just broke.”

It was meant to hopefully lighten the atmosphere, but your efforts prove feeble watching the color drain from his face, white as a sheet.

And just like that, the journey came to its close, in a finale neither of you were expecting, but one your husband confronted head on, trying his hardest in keeping both himself and you calm while loading up all the prepared things.

Baby bag, your printed out birth-plan discussed all those weeks ago while sharing a bath, extra clothes, nursing bras, all the required cards, and a billion other things Chris doesn’t even bother to search for in helping you into the car, reminding himself he could ask someone else to drop by or pick it up after.

Right now, you would remain his sole focus.

That, and the little one who’s decided to make her grand entrance a week from his birthday.

An early present, it seems.

Everything’s too fast, too hurried. The beeping of machinery, hurrying nurses in their scrubs, the nauseating scent of antiseptic overwhelming the hospital. 

You and the baby, you and the baby, you and the baby.

Those four words run rampant in his mind, like some sadistic form of tunnel vision.

Luckily swift in their efforts, you’d been wheeled off to the nicest room available, your husband blind to the price of anything at the moment where he follows you back, guiding each sharp gasp while you work through hellish contractions, squeezing his hand like a vice he vows to never let go of.

Though initially as smooth as a delivery could go, the process is seemingly endless, and Chris curses the exhaustion wracking his frame after the eighth hour stretches on, menial complications requiring moments longer to the already strain-inducing process. 

And of course, to the words he’d never heard you utter before.

“You FUCKER!”

In which earns your jittery-husbands wobbly smile, smoothing strands of hair where they stick to a sweaty forehead, whispering praises on autopilot.

At this rate, he can’t even tell who you’re referring to, but that thought lies in the very back of his mind.

“When I- shit- get out of here I expect to be- FUCK!— worshiped- ‘cause this hurts like a bitch!”

This earns the midwives equally exhausted smiles, working tirelessly with each push. 

By the ninth hour, you shakily assure him to go get a drink, take a walk, a matter he curses beneath his breath yet follows through with no less, legs like jelly, hand aching from your crushing-hold where your husband slumps into the chair opposite to the vending machine, caught in a weary daze. 

Then a hand finds itself on his shoulder he has to stave back the reflex to flinch from, and an out-of-breath Minho stands there—unfamiliar in the utter seriousness of his expression, the lack of teasing usually exhibited—alternatively familiar faces of his friends jogging after the second eldest. 

His first surprise of the night.

Of two, but the second surprise had yet to occur.

“We took the closest taxi,” Jisung manages, out of breath. “You.. You said there was complicat-“

Like a deer in headlights, the shrill wail of a baby rings out, gathering his full attention in split seconds. 

And somehow, he knows that’s his.

Yours, together.

Chris’s second surprise.

His heart stops.

In all his life, Christopher Bahng doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone so pretty.

With seven curious faces peeping in from the doorway behind him, he takes slow steps in approaching you, ethereal with your breathlessly proud smile and the tiny, swaddled thing to your frame, comfy and cozy in their mother’s scent.

Pink blankets. 

And although he already knew it was a girl, the way he chokes up without a word being spoken earns both yours and the nurse’s laughter, tainting his ears a reddened shade of embarrassment.

“I’m so proud of you,” He murmurs, wiping tenderly at tear streaks littering those darling cheeks of yours. “So, so proud.”

An angel, he swears, pressing a long, slow kiss to your lips, then a small peck to your forehead. It appears the wailing fit had subsided, and as for now, this precious little one curls up to your chest.

His baby.

A sob wracks his chest, and in the distance a giggle (likely Minho) is faintly audible that Chris doesn’t even bother scolding, each and every feeling imaginable snuffed to nothing when those eyes pinch open.

Chocolate brown, just like her daddy’s. That perfect, so, so perfect honeyed hue.

Precious.

“She’s.. hic.. so beautiful..”

It’s downright pitiful the manner he cries, like a child, trembling hands reaching for her after your whispered assent, assurance, cradling the baby to his chest.

And remarkably enough, she smiles.

This gummy, delighted smile.

Right then and there, the gravity of the moment punctures his chest, and a silent vow is made that with everything in his being, he will protect her. His daughter.

“Your Daddy loves you.”

Barely heard yet understood all the same, an oh so careful kiss is pressed to those unruly curls, unbelievable in their resemblance to her father’s.

A splitting image, with your charming nose and his puffy lips.

You were right. That time at the grocery store.

Oh to adore.

His second world, who he’ll clap for all cheerfully upon her first steps, her first words, all of it. Through the good and the bad times and everything in between.

His second world, with a father who already loves her, unconditionally. 

And who knows he will for the rest of his life.

Ensuring you’re cared for those four days before discharge, Chris spends his time easing you through each painful endeavor, helping you through the saddened and elated moments, those private moments where all you wish for is to be held.

He holds you, for as long as you need.

Despite the challenges and hardships to come, the man can’t help but think of just how beautiful you are. With your stretch marks, the baby weight, the things you hate, the things he loves. Reflecting how hard you worked, bringing this precious baby girl into the world.

It’s impossible for you to be anything but breathtaking.

His wife, he mumbles into your hair, a habit of his, whilst swaying you from side to side in slow rhythm, the little one fast asleep in her bassinet.

The first night home with the baby, Minho’s already taken to the kitchen, preparing dinner regardless of your sleepy beckoning for him to head home where you stand by the doorway, awakened by the unusual silence where your little girl’s normal squeals would be ricocheting off the walls. 

It seems the Uncles are already smitten.

Fuzzy sock-clad feet thump to your next destination: the nursery.

And there lies your greatest loves, with Chris’s steps weighing side to side just as he’d always do when dancing with you, a bottle in hand held to her lips where she sleepily suckles, a smile of adoration tugging at his lips opposing the circles beneath his eyes.

You don’t think you’ve ever been so enamored before.

And just as that evening in building the nursery, Seungmin’s quietly composed lullaby drifts from the speaker on the changing table, its lyrics like that of the sweetest hymn.

‘My little girl, will you ever know how much I love you?’

‘As much as the stars in the sky, and the grains of sand on the beach.’

‘You are my universe, and I shall love you.’

‘Love, love, love.’

‘For eternity longer.’

sunboki, may 2022 ©

FIC TAGLIST. @manuosorioh @captainchrisstan @bowsnbang @sh1ny4lex @alisonyus @certifiedchangbinlover

[chaxtic-euphxria]

You’re jealous?

Summary: SMAU of different scenarios with the Stray Kids boys in which they are jealous 🫣

TW: slightly suggestive in Hyunjin’s (so mild it’s barely even there), sword/blood mention in Chan’s (not sure if this even needs mentioning but i figured better safe than sorry)

Inc. Hyunjin, Seungmin, Felix, Chan, and IN

SS Count: 10 (2 for each boy)

PART TWO will be out soon with the remaining boys :)

Hope you enjoy! Likes/reblogs are greatly appreciated and I’m accepting requests if you have any ideas!! Don’t be shy!

Please ignore my music playing at the top (I physically cannot do anything unless I’m listening to music lmao)

[seungfl0wer]

*𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏*

Pairing: Seungmin x Reader (GN)

Genre: Comfort? (tiny tiny angst)

Warnings: Basic mentions of panic attack, Reader has some trauma but it’s not really in detail. Reader has a mean brain lol. Idk what else to really put? Sorry for any mistakes or missing warnings.

A/N: this was the black heart one yall voted for! Hope you enjoy I really don’t know what to put for warnings so I’m sorry if I missed anything big. Please let me know!

-🖤

Work felt like it drug on today. It felt like you’d never leave. Every dumb customer that came in or everything dropped just added to it. When you finally left and got home you just plopped into bed. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep. Body feeling heavy from the day. You were woken up about 4 hours later from a strewn of texts and calls from your boyfriend.

“Babe are you on your way?”

“I got us a table already”

*2 Missed calls*

“Pup?”

“Hello? Are you asleep?”

*3 Missed calls*

“I’ve been here for like an hour, I guess you’re not coming”

Your heart stopped panic setting in, you scrambled jumping out of bed. You completely forgot that Seungmin and you had a date today. You frantically called him hoping, your stomach doing back flips as it rang. He didn’t answer. He didn’t answer.. This was it you thought. You felt tears pricking at your eyes, it felt like you were gonna puke. All your past experiences with exs had your head reeling. He was gonna dump you, scream at you for it and then just dump you.

You started to bawl, endless wave of tears pouring from you. You were sobbing uncontrollably hands shaking as you prepared for the worst. Maybe he’d just ghost you and save the hurtful words. “I’m so fucking stupid, this is it. It’s over I fucked up. He hates me.. fuck he hates me” you sobbed harder. Your chest was becoming more tight gripping on your pillow as you cried. You felt like the world was just crumbling down. It shouldn’t be a big deal but past traumas and how the day was just.. couldn’t stop your brain from bullying you into thinking the worst.

In your panic you didn’t realize you had accidentally called him again. Your phone somewhere on the floor at this point. This time he had picked up, he could hear everything. Was he a little upset? Yeah of course. However he knew you were probably just tired and of course would never do it on purpose. He was already on the way to your place with dinner from the restaurant.

He was gonna hang up, wanting to get there to console you in person. But he heard your words. He knew how things had gone down with your ex and he knew what was probably going through that little brain of yours. He didn’t knock when he got there opening up your door before putting everything on the counter. He made his way to your room and when he slowly opened the door he saw you. Curled up in a bawl sniffling as you tried to calm yourself down.

“Pup” he said softly making his way towards you. You didn’t answer though, you couldn’t hear much of anything right now honestly. Everything just felt like you were floating, like you weren’t actually there. “Hey” he said gently, as he rubbed you back. You jumped turning quickly to see him.

“Min- I- I’m so sorry- I’m so so sorry” you mumbled out. You couldn’t stop the flood of tears that came pouring out once again. You just felt awful, your head still spinning with the worst possible thoughts.

“Ssh ssh it’s ok, everything’s ok.” He said pulling you into his arms. He rubbed your back letting you cry as you needed. “I’m not mad at you, you didn’t mean to pup it���s ok” he said as softly as he could.

“I was just so tired- and I-“ you stuttered out.

“Ssh pup, really. Really it’s ok. I love you. I’m not mad. Things happen. Get out of that mean brain of yours” he said making you smile a little. “There’s that cute smile” he said kissing your forehead.

“Minnie really thought I’m sorry” you started to say.

“How about you make it up to me in kisses?” He said cheesily.

“All the kisses you want” you said smiling up at him.

“Good I’ll take my first one now” he said pulling you into a sweet kiss.

He eventually pulled you out of bed, bringing you to the living room to finally eat. You sat there eating for a bit before either of you really talked. “I really am sorry” you said in almost a whisper.

“I know, but it’s alright. Like I said things happen pup. It doesn’t mean I’m just gonna leave you over it. You’re stuck with me. You’re not gonna get rid of me that easy” he said with that cheeky little smile of his.

“Good.. I don’t wanna get rid of you.. ever” you said finally fully smiling at him.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

Taglist: @satosugu4l @do-you-remember-summer-127 @xines16 @minh0scat @troublemaker02 @tr-mha-fan @lunearta @velvetmoonlght @minghaosimp @ldysmfrst @felixleftchickennugget @0omillo0 @jellymochii @stilltrynafuckingtumble @catlove83 @delulkpopstan143

[hannamoon143]

You drew stars around my scars ✮⋆˙

Life is hard. Some people don't know how to cope with that. Some people just try to feel mentally better by causing physical pain instead. How ironical, isn't it? Oh but bless you, that lee felix is in your life. Because this man never misses a thing.⋆｡°✩

Genre:Angst,Hurt/comfort

Warnings:Sh,a bit childhood trauma, Depression, Crying, mentions of food,mentions of bad eating habits

Lee felix x fem.Reader

Words: 3,9k

a/n: hey everyone<33 To write this fic brought me some comfort too, and it's healing me a bit more everytime i can use my own experiences,emotions and thoughts to write something that comforts others too, and relate to y/n a lot. And i know i'm not the only one, so i hope this can bring everyone that reads it a bit comfort. And pls always remember what of a beautiful person you are. Hurting yourself is never ever the only solution. If you need someone to talk, reach out to someone, anyone, also me if you don't have anyone. I'd rather have literally any person cry for hours in my arms, or vent to me in my dm's than have them hurt their own bodies, that always supports them. Everything felix says in that fic is true, and they r my own thoughts about this. I love you all, take care of yourselves.<3

Depression takes a lot from you. It takes your motivation, productivity, the will to socialize, and your happiness. It’s unfair isn’t it? Little, happy children become tired, broken adults.

People always think depression is something where you sit in your bed the whole day and cry. Well that is half true. Yes, there are days like that, but that’s far not everything. The worst are those dull days, when you feel entirely numb, but your life has to go on anyways. No joy in your heart, and no tears in your eyes. Just a big nothing in your mind.

After a while you figure it out though. It’s always those numb episodes, until every emotion you thought didn’t exist the days before, crashes down on you. And it’s overwhelming. Every.single.time.

But what if you’d find something that could ‚help‘ you? Something that brought you pain and relief at the same time? That made you feel alive, in the numb episodes and distracted you from the pain in the days where you broke down? The price was just your beautiful skin, and blood...

A problem was though, once you’d start, it would be very hard to stop again. But why should you anyways? Why should you stop when it was the only thing seemingly bringing you comfort for some short time?

It started off by you, picking at your skin absimendtly whenever you felt anxious, or when you just didn’t pay attention. It felt relieving. It was the burning pain when you scatched on your skin so hard it was slightly bloody, making you feel like your feelings actually mattered. And then that one night. That night everything crashed down on you. Your friends wanted nothing to do with you anymore, the few you had before, cut contact. You couldn’t even be mad at them. Who wouldn’t be annoyed by someone who constantly cancelled plans, and gave off a „depressing, annoying attitude“? Well these were their words. Oh but you saw it coming. All the overthinking in the middle of the night, those worst case scenarios, they had come true.

And your family? You never had a healthy relationship with them. So now, that you were grown up, the contact was almost entirely dead. And yeah, there was your boyfriend felix, but you’d never burden him with your problems. He already had enough on his mind with the world tour and all the new released albums, of the band he was in.

And that was it. No one there that you could reach out to, no one to comfort you, when your heart and mind were breaking into millions of glass splitters. Every person reaches their breaking point someday. And that day was yours. You remembered the night clearly. You were sitting on the bathroom floor, crying out all the emotion you had been holding in for too long. You had no friends anymore. No family. And pretty sure soon no boyfriend too. Nothing to hold onto.

Then you reached out to a drawer. You didn’t really register what you were doing as you took it out. A simple, silver blade. A little cut on your wrist. A line of crimson red blood on your skin.

At first you were terrified. What had you done? Why weren’t you affected by the stinging pain on your wrist, and the blood building in the small cut? Why did it in fact feel good? And then you decided to try it again, just to answer those questions right?

That’s where it started.

You knew you had depression. But going to a therapist? You were scared, probably too lazy, and you could never tell all your problems to a complete stranger. And most of all you didn’t want felix to worry either. He was the only one left, and soon he would surely leave too. He was the sweetest, sunny person on this earth, he deserved someone that matched his energy, and wasn’t so… hard to love.

Every single task felt like a hard, impossible chore. Getting out of your bed felt like doing the unbelievable. Doing the most simple things like showering, or brushing your teeth seemed so far away, that you could only master them on your best days. Some days, you went to work, did everything you had to, with a straight, stoic face. That was until you came home, laid into your bed, and silent tears would build wet spots on your pillow.

But somedays, even crying seemed too overwhelming. All you could do was lay in your dark room, staring at the wall. It was just the darkness and you, and somewhere in your mind, a voice whispering that it would help to cut...

And then there were these rare days, on which you felt almost too overwhelmed. It were those days you came home, and added another scar to the gallery of them on your arms. You questioned your life on these days. Because truly, you didn’t see a reason why you should be here right now. No, you weren’t proud of it. But who was there to stop you? Why should you quit if it was the only thing keeping you sane right now? When it was only the stinging pain who could make you slip out of the monotone haze in your mind, for at least a little bit time.

But it would be stupid to assume felix didn’t notice something was off. Lee felix was a pure person. Someone who could make even the rainiest days shine bright. And he cared about the people he loved more than anything else.

When you started cancelling plans it was already alarming for him. You were someone who never cancelled plans with him. You were usually a happy person, someone who made jokes that were actually funny. Someone who made him laugh with your little quirks, that he noticed over time. Someone who comforted him when he felt bad. And most of all you were the most excited person when you two would meet up. You never missed to tell him how much you loved him, that he was your happy person, and your comfort person.

That was before

Before suddenly everything stopped. He rarely got to see your beautiful face now anymore. You took a long time to respond to his texts, and when you did, they were short, and dry. This didn’t feel like you. Felix knew you. And that wasn’t you. This wasn’t the happy girl he met. And he surely wasn’t planning on letting things go like this forever. Something wasn’t right. And no matter what you said or did, to try and get away from him, and shut everything out, he would stay by your side. He would find out what was wrong and do everything possible in this world to make you feel like yourself again.

It was another day today. Another number on the calendar. You stopped looking at it. It didn’t matter anyways. Those were just numbers on paper, and they would never change anything. So you dragged yourself out of bed, feeling even heavier than usual. Like a zombie you just quickly got dressed, not even registering what you were wearing, and drank a mug of coffee. It would make you feel a bit more awake for at least a few hours. Eating breakfast had become impossible in the last few weeks. You were barely eating anything the whole day, to be honest. Sometimes, you just couldn’t stand up and make yourself something. But most times, you just didn’t feel hungry.

You went your usual way to work. At the bus, you took a short glance at your phone. You used to be on your phone a lot for the silliest things, but now you hated it. You hated the brightness, and that everytime you looked at it you had to interact with others. And the worst was, it remdinded you of what you had lost. The spark you had in your eyes on photos from a long time ago.

Something popped up on the screen

A message from felix. Of course. He messaged you every single day. You couldn’t ignore him, no matter how shitty felt, you couldn’t bring yourself to ignore him. So you opened it.

Hey sunshine<3How are you today? I thought of maybe grabbing some takeout and watching a movie together tonight, since i have off early! I’ll even let you pick one of those cheesy romcoms you love so much. Love u^^

You sighed. He was still so sweet, so caring, when he should be really annoyed, right? His girlfriend was a walking zombie, why didn’t he already break up with you?

Hey lix, sorry no time today.

Then you quickly put your phone away. You couldn’t stand thinking of his lips turning into that sad pout, when he’d read your answer. But you couldn’t meet him. You didn’t care how stubborn that was, but you wouldn’t let him see you like this. He would see right through you, and get you to tell him what was wrong.

You stopped making excuses someday. Who even cared? Sooner or later he’d leave, just like your friends. No lame excuses would matter then. Someone like you was unlovable. And that would never change.

As felix read your response he sighed.

That was enough. He wouldn’t let your relationship carry on like that. He wouldn’t let you carry on like that. Something was clearly wrong and he wouldn’t stand so far away and watch you slowly shut down from the entire world. Not anymore. Tonight he would come to your apartment, if you wanted to or not.

You didn’t remember what you did throughout the day. When you tried to recall it, there were only hazy memories, covered in a grey, thick fog. You didn’t even remember how you came home. Everything just happened. Now, you were walking through your apartment door, kicking off your shoes and coat. With a deep sigh, you dragged yourself to the bathroom. You shut the door, immediately sinking down on the floor. You were exhausted. More than that. The past days, or maybe even weeks you had held everything in more than usual. You felt like passing out right then and there, on the cold bathroom tiles. But there was something else. You knew that feeling. When you would have spent too many days in numbness, then at one point, every emotion, everything you thought wasn’t there before, creeps up in your throat from the depths of your soul. You feel the grieve, the sadness, the anger, the guilt, every single emotion crashing down on you at once. And then you can’t stop it anymore.

Tears started to well up in your eyes, and you pulled your knees up for a bit comfort.

These were the moment you hated the most, besides the numbness. Being numb is uneblievably tiring, but when all the feelings, everything comes up at once, that is even worse. You never knew how to deal with your emotions well. When you were a kid you never got the chance to express emotions. Crying was not allowed. If you did, you’d hear „ Stop it, or i’ll give you a reason to cry.“ If you screamed or hit out of anger you’d get punished in some way. Only a polite smile was, what was allowed to show on the outside, what to show to other people. That was probably part of the reason why you’d grown into a person who had these unhealthy, shitty habits, instead of expressing and coping with their emotions well.

You knew you should just let it pass. Endure these feelings. Maybe text someone to try and distract yourself. But somehow, you always went back to drowning out emotions with physical pain. You took the sharp blade from the bathroom drawer, your hands going unbelievable shaky like they always did when you took it out. You only started to cry more. You hated that you did it. You hated that you were a person that couldn’t handle their own feelings like a responsible adult, and had to shut them out with self harming instead. And still you did it again and again. You hated the way your arm looked when you put your sleeve up now. White lines from old cvts. Slightly reddish ones from some that happened some time ago. And those brightred ones. Reminders of not too long ago. They made you so angry. Reminding you of who you were. Of what you were.

So you decided to look away. You just put the blade to your wrist, looking at the blank bathroom wall. It was already so familiar, you knew where it would hurt the most without even looking.

Felix was searching around his apartment for that gray hoodie you wanted to have everytime you saw him wearing it. Maybe it would cheer you a bit up. As he finally found it, he grabbed the brownies he had made for you earlier, and his keys, heading out his apartment, to head to yours instead.

He started his car. It was a short drive so there was not much time for thinking. But there were some thoughts in the back of his head. Wasn’t he overstepping? You clearly didn’t want to see him, maybe you were also just annoyed?

But felix shook those voices off. He knew you. He had known you for years, and this wasn’t you. He had to do this.

And then he was already at your apartment. Slowly he got out of the car, taking the things, and started to walk up the stairs.

Soon he was in front of your door. Should he knock? He knew where your spare key was but he didn’t want to be respectless. So he softly knocked on the door.

„Y/n? It’s me, felix. I know you didn’t want to meet, but… i was worried. Can we talk please, my love?“

He waited for a minute. But there was no answer. Maybe you really weren’t at home? He decided to just try it. To his surprises the door was unlocked. That meant you were home, but also why would you let your door stay unlocked? He sighed, and locked it from the inside. He quietly took off his shoes, and put them on the side. Yours were scattered messily on the floor, and your coat too. Usually you hated when something in your apartment wasn’t organized. Maybe you were in a hurry before. He went into the kitchen, wich was dark, putting the brownies on the counter. „Y/n?“ he softly called out again. Still no answer.

But there, suddenly he heard something. A quiet, mumbling or...crying? His brows furrowed and he tried to follow the sound. There. In the bathroom. It seemed like you didn’t hear him calling you. At first he considered just going back to your kitchen and waiting there for you to come out, but when he heard another deep sob from you, he knew what to do. Whatever was going on right now, he wanted to be by your side. So he took a deep breath and opened the door.

„Y/N, what is g-“ His eyes widened in shock, and your head perked up immediately at the door clicking open, your gaze changing from surprise, to confusion, to somewhat realization and guilt. The sight in front of him horrified him. His beautiful, lovely girlfriend sat on the bathroom floor, her face red and puffy from crying, and a sharp blade in her hand. And your arm… How couldn’t he notice? He just stood there, in the door, staring at you.

You couldn’t read his face. Was he mad…? Of course he’d be mad. You quickly reacted as you got to your senses again. You jumped up, letting the blade fall, and a drop of blood dropping down on your white bathroom tiles.

„Felix…. I can explain, i h-haven’t, it’s not what it looks like o-okay? I’m okay, p-please i know you’re mad but-“

You got cut off. You couldnt’t even say anything more, because suddenly you were wrapped up tightly in your boyfriend’s comforting, warm embrace. You forgot how good a hug from him felt… And when you got a little glance at his face that was it. No anger, no twisted kind of any emotion against you. There was pure sympathy and love. When you also saw a tear rolling down his face, you couldn’t take it anymore. You buried your face in his neck, and let go. You sobbed uncontrollably, your arms and legs trembling so much, to the point your knees gave in, and felix slowly sank to the ground with you. Why did the cvts on your arms suddenly really hurt for the first time? He had you pulled on his lap, rocking you back and forth, stroking your hair gently. „Shhh, it’ll be alright. I’m here now, you are not alone.“

Good thirty minutes later, your sobbing had stopped, and only warm paths of tears remained on your cheeks. Felix lifted your head from his neck a bit, so he could look into your eyes. Though you had just cried your heart out, it was still the most mesmerizing pair of eyes he had seen in his life. He gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

„Let me treat those, okay?“ He simply said, glancing at your cuts.

He was gentle. He desinfected every single cut, apologizing every time you hissed at the sharp pain. Then he put some healing ointment on your fresh ones, and some at your older ones too. Then, with gentle, calm hands he bandaged your arms. He ended his treament with featherlight kisses on them. Then he got up, helping you up too. He had his hands on your side, his eyes on your face.

„Love���I won’t ever judge you, or get mad at you for anything, i hope you know that okay? I know that this is probably your way to cope with things, and i know that you know it’s not healthy. But it’s okay. Please just promise me, you will come to me instead of doing that, from now on hm? Everytime you want to do it you call me, text me, whatever. I’d rather have you crying in my arms for hours, venting to me for hours, you screaming at me, or do whatever you need to, than have you hurt and bleeding entirely alone on the floor. I’ll come over, and do whatever i need to, to cheer you up alright? And don’t shut me out from your life. I want to be a part again. I miss the way you’d text me when you see something that makes you smile. Or when you send me pics of the cute cats you saw on the sidewalk. Or when you just simply tell me about your day. And most important of all, i’ll stay by your side okay? No matter what. I will do everything to help you recover, and build up your life in a way that makes you happy okay? Let me help you sunshine. You don’t need to do it all alone.No matter how hard it in the past was, I’m here now, and I don’t plan on leaving soon.“

Tears welled up in your eyes again, but this time you smiled at him. „Okay lixie. Okay. I’ll try.“

Then he softly smiled at you, and guided you to your livingroom, where he made you sit on the couch. He rushed off to the kitchen, and was soon back again with a plate of brownies and his gray hoodie. „It seems like you didn’t eat much lately, you’ve been getting a bit too skinny, love. But don’t worry, now i’m here to feed you with everything you want to eat. You don’t need to move a single finger.“ He mumbled, as he first handed you the hoodie, wich you put on immediately and snuggled into it. It had always been your comfort hoodie, since it was big, fluffy, and always smelled like him a lot. Then he put down the plate in front of you. Felix’ brownies had always been one of your favorite things. They were delicious like no one else’s.Everytime you asked him what he was throwing in there, he always told you that it was his love and care wich he made them with. You believed him, this man made everything better with his sunny personality.

You simply smiled at him, and took one of the brownies, taking a big bite

„That’s my girl.“ He chuckled, ruffling your hair. As you were munching, and he was watching you with a fond smile, he suddenly asked „Do you have a marker somewhere here?“ You looked up, raising a brow. „Yeah, in the drawer over there i guess, why?“ He just stood up, and opened said drawer, taking the marker. He was back by your side in an instant. „Please give me one arm love“ He said, politely like always. You were still pretty confused but how could you say no to that? So you slowly laid your bandaged arm in his hands. He kissed it once and then softly started to draw on it. „What are you doing?“ you asked, mouth full of brownie.

„Those my love, are battle scars. It isn’t beautiful how you got them, but they are a part of you now, and they make you the person you are. They deserve to be called beautiful now too, like every single body part of yours. I love every part of you. And when they are healed, I’ll kiss each and everyone of them, but for now, they deserve to be treated with care. They will only heal properly, if you let them. If you’d always be angry when you’d look at them, they would never really heal. You would never really heal. You need to forgive yourself, and someday you will be able to move on. They show how far you’ve come, that it was very hard, but you never gave up. Battle scars, my love.“

You looked into his eyes. He said all that so sincere, you believed every word. And then as he was done you saw what he did. A lot of little stars, and a pretty moon in the middle were drawn on the bandages. And next to the moon he wrote a little note

„Because i want you to never forget who you are. You are Y/n L/n, a fighter, and the most beautiful woman i know.“

„How did i deserve you lee felix?“ You murmured in awe.

„You deserve the world, and more my love.“

And that really was a turning point. Thanks to felix, your days weren’t dull anymore. He was always there with you, laughing and talking a lot, but he also respected when you wanted some alone time. And when you came to him somedays, crying and telling him that you wanted to do it again, he took you in his arms, wrapped you both into a blanket and rocked you back and forth, until no tears were left anymore, and the world seemed a bit brighter again. Then he mumbled soothing reassurances into your hair, kissing you on the forehead.

And like this, you were willing to try. You were willing to try and recover, and create a life that you loved living, with him in it.

a/n: now a note to: @athenawindwolf because I didn't have the courage to say it that night ( we ignore that i'm writing this while you are texting me,still in that night), i'll be your chan friend, and in the context of this fanfic your felix friend, whenever you need me. I hope yk, I never judge anyone, and i've been through a lot too so rlly i would never ever judge or tell anyone if you tell me smth. We said we r the big sisters of our friends now, so that means we r sisters right? Come to me whenever you need to talk. Now this was for u, and I also have to say i'm thankful someone is sharing one of my interests now<3 Ily di angelo.@athenawindwolf (and i hope i didn't make you cry with this fic)

[lixies-favorite-cookie]

𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫・h.j

—for months you have dealt with constant intrusive thoughts, wondering what life was like before your head was swarmed with anxiety—until one day, you wake up and it isn't your OCD that you remember—it's hyunjin. alternatively: you find hyunjin baking your favorite sweet treat and you fall even deeper in love with him.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠・hyunjin x gn!reader // 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐬・hurt and comfort, established relationships, one sided angst, me trauma dumping, tooth-rotting fluff // 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬・1.4k // 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬・reader with OCD, could be read as any sort of obsessions + compulsions but focuses on the obsession of time and the thought that this state of mind will never change, one curse word, kisses, so so many kisses, kisses that end in food fights, food being made that ends in kisses, was the food ever actually made? the world may never know. // 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭・je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson

𝐚/𝐧・this kind of really sucks, but i decided to throw away my perfectionism for a little bit and just pour my soul out instead. I've recently been dealing with some serious OCD symptoms and I am trying to get a phycologist to help me navigate these symptoms and get diagnosed, but I thought of this today what it would be like to not wake up and immediately remember my anxiety and my obsessions...then started sobbing :D then hopped on my computer and wrote through the tears haha. edit cookie: I wrote this in early December hated it decided to post it anyways in the small happenstance that somebody might relate to it, I hope that somebody out there feels even the smallest comfort from it :)

You wanted to run away—to take Hyunjin by the hands and disappear into the forest brush; to press your palms into the earth until it felt as though your fingers had become roots, twisting and tangling, becoming one with the trees. You longed to rest beneath the grass, to watch as the stars sang like fairies, strung in sweet, serene stillness. You wanted to trace constellations on his skin, set fireflies alight in his eyes, to kiss him until you were sick of it—until your lips could bear no more.

You wanted to run away and never look back, but 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 always had a way of looking back at you. One day, you awoke, and all the stars had fizzled out—ripped from the sky like a fallen angel's wings. Your world had been dipped in ink, a single drop that spread underneath your eyelids as though you had never woken at all. It consumed you, a once-magical world stolen in a single moment, leaving you completely and utterly under their control.

The trees had grown thick with leaves, their vines crawling up your spine; creeping across your legs, your feet, your teeth. Go away, you wanted to scream. Go away, go away, go away! But the more you squirmed, the deeper they sank their thorns in. There was no escaping; you had become one with the fear, one with the shadows. The sense of what had been faded out, swallowed by the crippling uncertainty of who you were 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 the darkness returned.

Months later, that feeling still hadn't left, and it terrified you to imagine it never would.

In the small stretch of time, floating on the edge of an in-between, is where you felt most at peace. Only a heartbeat short of two seconds, where sleep was nothing but an echo, yet the world had not quite begun to spin again. And for a breath, as you stretch your palm across the silky sheets, still warm from the imprint of Hyunjin's body, you didn't think about 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞; you didn't think about anything but him.

You stay here long after the world began to spin again—waiting, wondering, sinking deeper into the thought of him: the fallen star nuzzled just beneath his eyelid, the feel of his fingers, soft and saccharine, brushing over your knuckles; the way his lips taste like oranges and his skin smells like fresh rain. You study every moment as though they were going to fade away—fluttering from your palms like ashed scrolls.

Then suddenly, it hits you. There were no intrusive thoughts, no anxieties—nothing but the ache where Hyunjin should have been; an ache that consumed you so greatly that you didn't have enough time to worry about 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞. The realization sinks deep into your bones, pulsing in tandem with your trembling heart—everything felt so overwhelming in that bed, 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 flooding back in. Though this time, 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 tasted bittersweet—a distant, muted sour, a small break from the usual loud, potent flavor it tended be.

Something about the thought made your chest feel heavy, your head feel loud. You wanted to ask yourself so many questions, so many things you didn't have the answer to, but instead, you decide to search for Hyunjin, rising to your feet.

The faint scent of bananas and honey wafts through the crack in the door, slightly ajar from where he had left minutes before. You follow the scent down the hall, willing your trembling legs to hold you steady, though the sight that awaits you makes you weak in the knees for an entirely different reason.

Hyunjin's standing above the stove, still disheveled in his pajamas, swiftly whisking a bowl of batter. Beside him lays a cutting board with sliced bananas and a bread pan, the inside sticky with butter. And when he tilts his head to check the stove's timer, you notice the streak of flour smeared on his cheekbone, and for whatever reason, that detail absolutely destroys you.

Dewy-eyed and weak, you shuffle towards him, wrapping your fingers around his wrist to shake the whisk from his hand. Hyunjin jumps, startled by the sudden touch, before he blanches, watching a single tear fall from your lash line.

The bowl drops onto the stovetop with a soft thud.

One second, you are feeling his heartbeat flutter underneath your palm, and the next, it is pressed against your cheek, the tip of your nose nuzzled into his throat. You breathe him in, filling your lungs up until it feels as though your chest has blossomed with the subtle scent. Hyunjin smelled like the forest's first breath—a faint, delicate petrichor that clung to his skin, as if he was the creator. A smell that brought you right back home.

"My love, what's wrong?" His voice hums against your cheek, trembling with a worry you were so reluctant to cause. It takes you centuries to speak, brushing through the vines creeping up your throat.

"I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of was you," you whisper.

Hyunjin stills underneath your palms, his breath catching like weeds in his throat. It killed him to see you this way, utterly terrified by the very person he was so overwhelmingly besotted with. For months, he guided you through it, every restless night, every bad day, murmuring into your hair—when there's darkness look for the stars—with his hand held tight, you would argue "but there are no stars."

So Hyunjin created some. Every night before bed, he would coat your thoughts in honey, so with every kiss you would be reminded of him, and not them. It almost brought him to his knees, knowing all his hard work paid off.

He was over the moon, grateful tears collecting on his lash line. It takes him three shuddering breaths to push the words off his tongue—falling into your ears like sweet nectar.

"Oh, baby," he chokes, capturing your cheeks between trembling palms, still mindful of his sticky fingers. "I'm so glad, baby, I'm so fucking glad." Hyunjin can't hold himself back as he leans his forehead against your own, pressing his lips to yours.

He tastes like oranges and joy, so, so much joy it's dizzying. You seek out his elbows, then his shoulders, then his chest. He pulls you closer, so impossibly close, it feels as though your heartbeats have taken root within each other, a love sprouting through a single passionate kiss.

When there is darkness look for the stars—it was a quiet night four months ago when you first heard those words, nestled under the nighttime sky; his cheeks freckled with moon dust.

You could still feel it, the way your heart overturned as you shoved the words out of your mouth. It was embarrassing to talk about—how could you explain something you didn't understand? How could somebody sympathize with something that was so crazy?

Hyunjin didn’t say anything for a while after that, bestowing your words with all the deference you deserved. It felt as though you had died a million times before he finally decided to speak.

"When there is darkness, look for the stars." At first, you stammered, both confused and slightly offended—that was, until he hooked his finger under your chin and kissed constellations onto your skin, spreading the galaxy inside your eyes until that was all you could see, all you could think.

It was that night where it all began.

It takes one clumsy kiss for him to accidentally smear a fat strip of batter across your cheek, breaking your makeout with a startled gasp. He goes wide-eyed, only slightly apologetic as he breaks out into a smile, seeing how adorable you looked—lips swollen and red, banana and flour smudged on your face.

"Baby—" Hyunjin doesn't get to finish his sentence, not before a slice of banana is catapulted onto his forehead, sticking with an audible thwap. He yelps, utterly gobsmacked, his jaw dropping in disbelief.

You begin to laugh, a rib-splitting, belly-gripping guffaw that resounds throughout the entire kitchen. With a playful scoff, Hyunjin grabs a handful of bananas, flicking them at you like bullets. You don't stop throwing food at each other until your stomachs burn with laughter and the floor is coated with enough ingredients to make banana bread itself. Hyunjin pulls you in, lips dusted with flour and giggles. He presses his smile against your own.

You realize then, blossoming with adoror, you had been so focused on what it was like 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 that you never stopped to think about how 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 didn't include Hyunjin.

Maybe, just maybe, you could get used to 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫.

cookie owns this. thank you.

[moonchild9350]

Oh wow, diving more into their past, learning about poor Minnie and his upbringing. God I feel for them so much 😭

I love watching him open up and just give himself to her so he has someone to lean on. They really are perfect for each other and can work on healing together.

My heart exploded when he said she comes first 🥹 and how he’s so willing to take care of her and the baby 😭 such a surprise but welcomed surprise

part six // serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: 10.4k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: angst, fluff, sex, oral sex, sa mention, child abuse mention

SYNOPSIS: Seungmin floats through life alone, haunted by his memories—keeping himself under control, and quieting his mind the only way he knows how…killing and watching the life leave his victims eyes. When you cross his path on a morning hunt, something new (something forgotten) starts to move inside of him, leading both of you on a path to confront the unspeakable past.

Please support and reblog if you enjoy! Reblogs help your favorite writers on Tumblr!

TAGLIST: @kkamismom12 / @r0tt1n / @heluvschibi / @feckinbecky / @missystay / @seungluvr / @babrieeee / @curiouscocoabean / @feelikecinderella / @carpioassists / @soulsbbg / @san-axa0 / @vixensss / @keiizzx / @xyliskz

[ MASTERLIST — DEITY MASTERLIST ]

The full moon shines down at you from the balcony window, and the light bounces perfectly off of the soft pink walls of the room. Seungmin is busy making the bed, moving the blankets and pillows from one yo to the other, and then stacking them. You’re supposed to be unpacking things, but you got distracted by the light coming in.

“Are you sure this is okay? I don’t mind requesting a room with a regular bed.” He sits gently to test it out, and runs his hands over the blanket to smooth it.

“If we don’t like it, we can switch tomorrow…but I’ve never slept on a yo, I should probably try it. Besides, you doubled everything up.”

“Yes, it should be comfortable. I slept on one when I was a kid. We only had yo’s at the Uljin house.”

Seungmin sneaks up next to you, and his touch sends a chill up your arms. It’s gotten softer, sweeter, and more frequent, the little touches he gives you. “Is it completely full? I should put my glasses on, it’s a little blurry.” He slides away and heads for the table where you set his things. You packed all three pairs he had in his drawer, and tonight he chooses the thick black frames.

“I like those with your short hair, you look cute”

He adjusts them and drapes himself over your shoulders. “Yeah?” Seungmin still feels a twing in his stomach—a little bit of awkwardness at the way you look at him and call him sweet things. He has plenty of confidence in his looks, but hearing you say it feels different. You looking him in the eyes and telling him anything feels different. It feels real.

“Yeah, it’s full…good timing”

“Can you see the rabbit?”

You look hard, and Seungmin laughs when you tilt your head. “Rabbit…oh yeah, I think I know this story.”

“You do?”

Maybe not. You’re suddenly drawing a blank, which is good, because now he can tell you why there is a rabbit on the moon. “I know that a story exists…I guess I don’t know much else about it.”

The moon disappears as he spins and guides you toward the bed. It seems perfect—the squishy doubled up mattress, the multiple pillows, and Seungmin’s body all surrounding you as you sleep. It can’t get much better. You pull down his neatly placed blanket and watch him pull his clothes off, piece by piece.

“Is it story time, or are you trying to start something?”

He laughs. His laughs have changed, too. They’re louder, and less hesitant every time you get a new one. “I’m always ready to start something…but the floors are heated and it makes me sweat. I don’t wanna sweat all over you.”

“Can we turn them down?”

“Yeah…” he slides under the blanket and pulls you closer, “but I don’t want you to get cold.”

Seungmin is now bearing some of the weight of your biggest secret, but the way he looks at you hasn’t changed. Everything is as it was before, or better; his touch, his laugh, his smile.

“Story time?”

“Yes, let me remember…” Seungmin flops into his back and closes his eyes, but his hand finds yours and squeezes. “A long time ago, in ancient times, there was a fox…yeou, a little monkey…wonsung-i, and...” He pauses, and turns his head to look at you, but your eyes are closed as you listen. “A rabbit, tokki. One day, Jeseokcheon, a king of the gods, decided to test the animals. He pretended to be a sick elderly man, and he approached the animals saying that he was very hungry. The fox, the monkey, and the rabbit decided to help him and went to look for food. The fox caught a fish and gave it to the old man. The monkey found and gave him berries. But the rabbit couldn’t find any food, and the grass he ate, it didn’t seem fit for the hungry old man to eat. He wanted something better for him. So, tokki made a bonfire and jumped into it, offering himself as food to save the old man. After seeing the sacrifice that tokki had made, the man revealed his true identity as Jeseokcheon and decided to send the selfless rabbit to the moon and make him its guardian, so that every living being could admire his sacrifice and good heart. Daltokki.”

“Tokki was willing to give up his life to help someone he didn’t even know?”

Seungmin nods. “And now he’s up there making tteok all the time.”

“Is this the rabbit on your music box?”

He nods again, and a smile pulls at one side of his face. “Umma loved daltokki.”

“I like him, too. And I’m sure I’d like your mom.” It might be too much—you keep giving him too much. You don’t know why. The time you’ve spent with him feels like years, not weeks, and everything that comes to mind ends up flying right out of your mouth. “Do you think she would like me, if she met me?”

“My mom would like you very much. She’s the reason I speak English so well. Imagine if we couldn’t speak to each other…”

“I would find a way”

“And she’s the reason I have any good in me at all, if I do”

“You do, Min”

“Sometimes I’m afraid she wouldn’t love me, or even like me anymore—the way I turned out, the way I get through my days, the awful things in my head.”

It’s not true, what he’s thinking, but you don’t know how to make him see himself the way you see him. You know what he does, but seeing him behind closed doors in his most private moments…he’s not a bad person. He’s just him, doing the bad things his brain tells him to do. Seungmin is hurting; he’s afraid, and he’s lonely…less lonely now. He’s doing terrible things, but he’s not the nightmare he claims to be.

The real nightmare is whatever happened to him—the bad dreams that plague him and make his urges worse.

“That’s not true, I don’t believe that. She would love you more than anything.” You remember the photo of the two of them, and the one of his smiling face that she probably took. “You still feel it all around you, and in your flowers…that’s how strong it is. I know you were talking to her.”

Tears are threatening to fall. You see them brimming and shining as he stares quietly at the ceiling. “Did he hurt you?”

You pause for a moment and think. The memories still come back, but you’ve gotten very good at shoving them right back down. “Sometimes. He liked to hit, but he preferred his hands over everything else…so I guess it could have been worse. My sister got my mother’s love, but she got all of his attention, too. He hurt her more.”

“Is that why you killed him, to protect her?”

“I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take another night listening to him.”

There’s some reluctance in his face, but you wait for him to get there. “How? You were fourteen. You’re small now, you must have been tiny then. How did you kill him?”

“I gave him too many heart pills. He trusted me to cook for him and feed him, so I—” you watch Seungmin’s eyes grow. “I crushed them up in his food.”

“You poisoned him”

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that. It took a few hours, but it worked.”

“Did things get better after that?”

“It was manageable. We had to move—we lived in my aunts basement until I turned 18, and then I finally left.”

Seungmin moves closer, and wraps you up in his arms. The smell and warmth of his bare skin calms you, and makes you feel homesick all at once. Homesick for what, though, the apartment? Leaving Seoul and running from something that might happen has been the best thing that has happened, in a weird way. What if you could always be like this—just the two of you, alone, surrounded by the quiet mountains?

And what if you nudged him for more of himself right now? Maybe you could get it…just some even exchange. You need to know everything about him, but you’ll take whatever little piece you can get.

“Was Daltokki one of your bedtime stories?”

“It’s a Chuseok story, but yes…sometimes she would tell it to me at bedtime when the moon was full.”

The twinge of jealousy at his normal childhood disappears as soon as you remember how brief it was, and probably not that normal. Seungmin lived in Uljin with his mother who loved him, and his stepfather who didn’t, until he was nine, but you don’t know much else. “Did she always have a story, every night?”

“Almost every night. She read me stories in English to help me learn, but she couldn’t speak it around me much otherwise…at least not if my stepfather was home.”

“He didn’t like you?”

“He despised me from the moment he saw me. I was two when my dad died, and three when my mom married him, and he tortured me for six long years—ignored me, or disciplined me whether I deserved it or not. Eventually he took any opportunity he could to…scare me, I guess...break me."

You weren’t expecting Seungmin to open up, but he may be evening out the trauma with what you gave him. Maybe enough time has passed, and his comfort with you has grown. The joint killing had to have helped that.

“He would send me to bed without dinner all the time, but he was also good at making up new punishments without mom even knowing he was doing it.”

“Oh, Minnie.” The torture he put himself through sitting on the balcony makes more sense now. It seems like the type of discipline his stepfather would come up with, and unfortunately, it stuck to Seungmin. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

The blank look on his face, and the slow, thoughtful blinks, “he would lock me in that shed all night. I remember him sitting on the porch and smoking, making sure my mom didn’t wake up and see what he was doing. Not that she could stop him…”

So far, he’s said much more than you expected, and you’re not sure if he’s drained, or if talking about this has made him feel a little lighter.

“I just remembered something. I dreamt about it last night, but it may have been a memory.”

“Tell me”

Seungmin lets you place a hand on his cheek, and he closes his eyes and waits as you run your thumb across his lips.

“He drove me into the woods, the same pine forest we drove through…I’m not sure how far we went, but in my mind, as a kid, it felt like forever. Yeah, I remember sitting in the backseat and fogging up the window with my breath. I drew something in it.” He stops and sets his hand on yours. “It was cold out, it was far into winter. Just like now. We got out and walked right off the road to a clearing, and he told me run out and grab some of the nice pieces of wood to burn when we got home.”

You sigh, because you feel like you know where this is going.

The color drains from his face as he settles more into the bed. It’s as if he’s trying to find more warmth from the chill of his memory. “I listened, because I always obeyed him. I grabbed an armful of sticks, just the best ones, and I ran back to the road…and he was gone. I screamed for him, and cried for umma until I lost my voice.”

There is no stopping his tears, and finally, for the first time, Seungmin is letting you see him cry. He needs it, but you pull him close and knead your hand into his neck, so tense until your fingertips find just the right spot. You don’t interrupt—everything is quiet around his shallow, gasping breaths. As soon as you pull back to look at him, he grabs your neck and kisses, and it’s messy…wet and salty from his tears, but you kiss right back until he finally exhausts himself.

The silence carries on, and you watch him as he wipes at his cheeks and nose. You want him to keep going, but you also know when too much is too much. Are you the first person Seungmin has really unloaded his memories on, or did he have someone else to confide in at some point in the last fifteen years? It’s a long time to keep quiet.

“Sorry,” he covers his face and mumbles through his hands. “I didn’t mean to…” and takes in a deep, shaky breath. “

“Didn’t mean to what? You can tell me anything, and you can cry all over me if you need to.”

“The kiss,” he grabs a corner of the sheet and wipes at the mess he left on your face, “so messy.”

There’s a hint of a smile on his face, at least—a little sparkle in his eyes, and again, for the umpteenth time, you wonder how you ended up where you are, in a strange hotel in the mountains, with him. The seriousness of the situation you’re in was almost forgotten until right this moment, but you don’t see the point in bringing it back to the front of his mind right now. What will checking the security cameras do, except ruin the mood? Or really ruin the mood, if he sees something this time.

No, you’ll do what you can to stay right here with him.

“In my dream, I was standing in that clearing again. Me, as I am right now. But there was something there with me. I couldn’t see it, but I could hear it walking around me and scratching at bark on the trees. And something was burning, it was snowing…but not snow, it was um, from the fire…”

“The cinders…embers were falling?”

“Yes, embers. They looked like snow.”

“Scratching?" Now you start to remember. "And then?”

“I woke up, and then fell back asleep. When I woke up again, you were dreaming, so I woke you up.”

“That’s right, I was dreaming…and, what the fuck?” Everything starts falling into place. You thought about this yesterday, but the pain in your stomach pushed it out of your mind. The scratches, his dream, your dream, “you woke me up, because you heard the scratches on the door, right? And you left, and—”

“I didn't hear anything. Was this your dream? Hey, don’t cry…”

The tears come out of nowhere and without your permission, just like his did. The air you try to pull in gets stuck in your chest, and Seungmin’s hands on you makes you cry even harder. He backs off for a moment. “What is happening? Why…god, I feel crazy.” You sit up and wipe at your face. “I think I’m hearing things.”

Seungmin sighs, and you hear it through the muffled pump of blood in your ears. He’s looking at you, but he’s not looking at you…he’s thinking, and his eyes dart around when he notices you staring at him. “Minnie,” you move closer—almost sit in his lap, and put your arms around him.

“It’s scary sometimes”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s gone away, mostly. I think the medicine is helping that. But I can’t hear her anymore…I haven’t heard her lately, at least.”

The voices in the greenhouse, Seungmin’s auditory hallucinations. So he’s fully aware her voice isn’t actually there, or anywhere. That doesn’t matter to him, though, because he misses hearing it. “Maybe she’ll come back when we get to Uljin, when we get some flowers.”

“That would be nice”

You get back under the blankets and make yourself comfortable, “get in here.” He smiles like the heavy conversation didn’t even happen, and folds himself around you. Seungmin can keep you plenty warm without help from the heated floor. “It’s late, are you tired?”

“A little.” Despite the soft, sleepiness of his voice, his hands end up beneath your shirt and slowly work their way up your back. It’s an innocent touch, though—just a need for contact. “How is your stomach? No pain tonight, I hope.”

Fortunately, the horrible, stabbing pain eased up and hasn’t returned again. The dizziness comes and goes, but it’s not bad enough to send you to the floor. It’s nowhere near bad enough to mention and worry him again, and to let the idea of a hospital visit re-enter his mind. “No, everything feels okay.”

He replies with a kiss, a hand moving back down and squeezing your ass, then your thigh, tight enough to make you jump. Seungmin pulls your leg until you wrap it around his hip, and now you can feel what he needs. He’s not quite there, but he wants to be, and you’ll make sure it happens. A roll of your hips into his makes contact, and just enough friction to get a groan out of him. It’s nice like this, and easy…face to face, close enough to kiss and touch him.

The last few days without him, with the thought of his last fuck being with that girl, has been torture, but it felt like the wrong time when you laid in bed with him. Worrying, wondering, and sick. You’re finally here. You free him from his shorts and feel his cock grow in your hand, and lose yourself in the noises he makes as he kisses. He pulls you again, grips the back of your thigh and slides his fingers over you, but your clothes are still in his way. He grabs the thin fabric and pulls it to the side, and two fingers tease, slide between your lips, and slowly push inside of you.

“Are you comfortable like this?”

“Very comfortable”

His fingers push in and out, waiting patiently. He knows how much work it takes to get in, and Seungmin wants you wet in this new position.

“Can your leg stretch…” he grabs behind your knee and pulls it high, and he seems satisfied with how much he can spread you open. “Good,” he whispers and moans against your lips when he feels you guiding him into you. He pushes in gently, just a few inches, and then he gives you everything.

“Good,” you whine and hold tight to him as he pumps into you. “Oh…mmm, Minnie…”

“I’ve missed how you feel”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he grips your waist and pulls you close, “so good.” Seungmin pants into your mouth, “so soft,” and nibbles at your lips as he finds a perfect rhythm. “Fuck…ah, jagi,” he whimpers, and mutters something in Korean, over and over as he fucks you.

If only you could understand him. All you have to go off of is how he sounds as he says it, and that feels good. But jagi, you know what that means.

“Nae jag-eun tokki…”

You watch his mouth form each word as he says it.

"Nae…salang…” he laughs, and you can feel him working up the courage to continue. But he’s done this already, so why the hesitancy?

You say it back to him, “nae salang”, bite gently at his lips.

He closes his eyes, and he keeps them closed even after you pull back. “Salanghae,” and he hides himself away in your neck.

“Nado salanghae”

Seungmin comes right back after your words hit his ears. You hope they hit him even harder in his own language. You’re not sure how to tell him in a way that expresses how it feels swirling around inside of you, but you made sure to learn how to tell him properly. The words in your head don’t seem big enough, and at the same time, your head is making you feel silly for feeling the way you do, and as much as you do.

Seungmin feels it, too, and he can’t look you in the eyes when he tells you. It’s still too much for him.

It’s too much for you, too. The tightness in your chest, the pounding of your heart. Your body feels like it’s somewhere else, but you feel his soft, strong hands on your back and ass, keeping you close…his lips on yours, on your cheek and neck. His hips rolling, and his cock gripped tight around you, stretching, pushing deeper and hitting right where you need it. You can’t hold yourself together, and you don’t care how thin the walls might be. Seungmin doesn’t care, either—he smiles even wider as you moan and cry his name.

“Don’t slow down,” you whine.

Seungmin holds your hips as you try to push him on his back and fuck him yourself. He resists, but lets you move on him, and he slows you down. “Not yet.”

“You feel so good”

“I’m gonna make you feel even better”

He pulls out and pushes your hips until you’re on your back, and gets you out of your panties. Seungmin is careful, but he still handles you like he’s desperate to get back inside of you. He turns you until you’re facing the window, your leg is up, held tight, and he’s in again. It does feel better like this, even at his pace—the slow push in against your g-spot numbs everything except the orgasm building.

Seungmin lets go of your leg and his fingers are on your clit, rubbing lightly, listening to you whine for him as it gets even closer. “Faster…slower?” He whispers and runs his teeth along your shoulder.

“Fast”

His fingers and his hips move faster, and he bites down.

“Fuck…fuck, I’m gonna come”

Seungmin laughs like he’s tipsy. He’s drunk on you, and his mind is numb to everything but this…fucking you just like you want it—

You feel yourself gush everywhere as your body shakes.

He slides out and feels it hit his thighs, and it keeps coming as he rubs your clit—warm, and wet, and messy. You soak the sheets, but Seungmin is still rubbing more out, and your orgasm takes its time running through you.

Seungmin breaths hard in your ear, but he’s speechless as he looks down at you, down at his fingers stroking. Another soft bite on your shoulder, and he stifles a laugh. “Wow,” he whispers as he finally slows down. But he doesn’t stop. He slides his cock into your dripping entrance. “Come for me again. Please.”

“Again?”

“Please.” He holds your leg and gives your clit a break as he works himself back to where he was. “I didn’t think you could get any more wet.”

The tone of his voice deepens, and that’s all it takes to get you going. His head hits that same spot—that perfect spot. You can feel every inch and every curve as his short, fast strokes slip in and out. Your swollen, sensitive clit throbs, and you need him to touch you, but you wait until you know he’s close. You wait…and wait, until his breath catches in his throat—until he makes the desperate noises you’re more familiar with now.

“Touch me”

As soon as his hand makes contact, yours hits, and he groans as he fills you up. You drip and squirt through his fingers as he keeps your orgasm going, and his cum mixes and runs out with yours, onto your thighs, and his…all over the sheets. He doesn’t stop until you do, and you feel another gush as he slides out. It feels too good. Whatever he did is still moving through every nerve as you hit the bed, but Seungmin can’t help but touch and slide his fingers into the mess escaping.

“Oh my god,” you pant, and try to keep your heart from exploding.

Seungmin laughs again—his tipsy laugh, like he’s not quite sure what’s going on, he just knows he feels good. “I didn’t know you could do that.” He pulls you until you’re facing him again and looks you over…eyes watering, cheeks pink, your tshirt, somehow still on, but working its way up your back, and your messy, trembling thighs.

“Neither did I”

“That was your first time?”

You nod, and collapse into his chest, “sorry, what a mess.”

“But did it feel good?” He’s smiling and giving you doe eyes when you look at him. Seungmin doesn’t need your approval, he heard you screaming…but he still wants more.

“Good?”

“Mhm. I’ve never made anyone do that before, how does it feel?”

It’s hard to describe, and it was a little embarrassing in hindsight, but… “felt like you were fucking every nerve in my body all at the same time, and every bit of tension disappeared. Probably how you feel when you come inside of me, maybe better.”

“Sounds better”

“It was intense”

“It was hot.” He slowly gets to his feet and stretches, and when he seems satisfied with how his legs feel, he heads for the closet. “Hopefully I can get you there again.”

One set of fresh sheets sits on the top shelf, fortunately, so you work on getting up and pulling off the wrecked ones. Also fortunately, it didn’t soak through both sheets to the mattress cover. But as soon as you kneel and start gathering them, another gush of cum trickles out, and you have to stop and wait for it to pass.

“I can change these, why don’t you go run a bath?”

“Seungmin, you’re very thoughtful…has anyone ever told you that?”

He thinks, but not for long. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, you are…you’re more thoughtful than most of the people I’ve encountered”

“I’m also a little selfish, because I’m getting in, too”

The water is as hot as you can stand it, and every time it cools down, you top it off and heat it back up.

“How did you get out of the woods?”

“Hm?”

He sounds so much more tired, and he should be.

“When you were left there”

“Oh, right. It took a few hours, but my mom finally found me. She said she drove up and down all the roads, got out and yelled for me every mile or so. Her voice carried pretty well through the trees, thankfully.”

“Did she know he left you there?”

“He told her I wandered off, but she knew better. And she also knew not to question him.”

“That had to have messed with your head, being left out there”

“It did. For a while, I couldn’t sleep through the night. I still have a letter she wrote to me not long after that, in the music box.”

The butterfly—you remember peeking and wondering about it. You almost poked around too much and read it. “The origami butterfly?”

“Yeah. And she made me wear her medallion, too. I never got to give it back.”

Now you’re much more curious about that letter. “I haven’t worn my necklace in years, I don’t know why I still carry it around with me.” A little piece of your past you can’t let go of.

“Are you catholic?”

“No, but I briefly considered confessing my sins. I never did, I was too full of attrition. It seemed pointless. Are you? Or were you?”

“No, but my mom had a lot of catholic friends when she lived in the states. I think some of it rubbed off on her, and she liked the archangels.”

You stand carefully and reach for a towel. The heat is actually starting to get to you, and the dizziness is fighting its way back. Seungmin waits for you step out, and then he follows close behind.

“Do you want the heat on?”

The room is a little chilly, especially against your damp skin, but a cool room and warm blankets might be the best idea. “No, but if you do…” You watch his towel fall away as he starts to dry his arms and shoulders, and you shouldn’t be lusting after him already, but he makes it difficult without even trying.

“We should check the cameras again”

That’s enough to get you back down to earth. You nod at him, and dig out your laptop. It’s long overdue, and should have been checked again a few hours ago, but the two of you got far too distracted when the secrets and stories started coming out.

He gets back into the fresh sheets and pulls up the footage, and this time he starts with the live feed.

“Front entrance looks okay, side entrance, too. Back door…oh, why is it propped open?”

“It’s open?”

He widens the angle, but the night vision isn’t giving much. “Yeah, it’s a fire exit. It’s supposed to stay closed.”

Seungmin’s voice changes. He doesn’t like what he’s seeing, regardless of how small and insignificant it seems—just a door left open. You can feel the tension on him, and it scares you a little. He starts the feed on the back door from where he left off earlier, and he speeds through it.

“Can you get my phone?”

He has to power it up again, and it feels like it takes forever, but the footage keeps him occupied until he can refresh the news sites from earlier. And he’s quiet as he scrolls.

“Seungmin…slow down the footage”

He stops it, goes back a few minutes, and then starts it again. “That…” he points at the top right corner, “is a police car.”

It’s the smallest corner of a headlight and front bumper.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, brand new Sonata…white, and only police cars have that blue stripe over the hood.”

Just as he finishes, two men walk into view; a cop, and another man that you can only assume is an inspector. That one goes for the door, unlocks it, and opens it exactly how it was open on the live camera.

“If it’s still open, they’re still in there.” Back to the live feed, the wide angle…and everything is suddenly lit up by a pair of headlights parking exactly where the car was before. Seungmin is quiet as he watches, but you have to assume his heart is pounding like yours is. “Yeah, they are.” Two cops walk into the shot and disappear through the open door, but this time, it closes behind them.

“Do you want me to be practical again?”

“Yes, if you don’t mind”

“They have to check. Maybe there was just enough for a judge to issue a warrant.”

Seungmin looks at you, purses his lips.

“Actually, I don’t know if it works the same here. Maybe I’m not helping.”

“No, you’re right…if I wasn’t there to grant permission, they could get a warrant. I’m assuming they did.”

“And they have to search everywhere. Knock on every door. Ask questions. You keep turning your phone off, so you may have missed some calls asking for permission. Especially with the spotty service where we’ve been staying.”

“If they search the apartment, they’ll figure out who I am, what kind of car I’m driving, where I’m from. My background is clean, but…if they can find us…and if they find something weird…”

The defeat in his eyes is surprising. You know he’s stronger than this, and smarter, but he might need time to process what’s actually happening.

“I’m sorry, Minnie. None of this would have happened if I had just left when I was supposed to.”

Now he looks truly defeated. His big, watery eyes burn right through you, but you know it’s true. You distracted him, you helped him stay on his medication, and then you continued to distract him. Seungmin had been doing very well, so you think. He was smart about his kills, and about his habits, and he probably didn’t draw attention to himself in public.

“Then I’m glad it happened”

As much as you want to slap him and tell him you were never worth all of this, it’s far too late. There is no point in dwelling on the damage you’ve caused if you can’t go back and change it—you’ll have to fix it in real time. Seungmin clearly sees something in you that you might never find, but you see in him what he overlooks, as well. If you try hard enough, maybe you can understand his growing devotion. It’s there for you, too…you’re pretty certain you would die for him.

Both of you somehow fell asleep without the help of tea or medicine, you’ll happily assume because of the comfort of each other, and the idea that you’re jumping to the next place sooner than Seungmin had planned. He doesn’t seem to mind, though. He seems like he does have a plan. He has to, because he’s had a long figure out how to protect himself in case the worse happened.

You only sleep about three hours, though, and when you wake, Seungmin isn’t under the covers next to you. He’s in the corner repacking what you unpacked not long ago.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No...should I get up and get dressed?”

“Unless you’re still tired. The sun isn’t quite up yet, we have some time.”

True, but if you fall asleep again, you might wake up much more tired. And the adrenaline is already starting when you remember everything that happened. “No, I’m okay.”

Ten minutes into the drive, which will apparently be a long one, Seungmin explains his plan—which he admits isn’t completely solid…and very disjointed, but it’s all he has. “I was a little cocky. I never thought I’d actually have to worry about this.” He glances at you, “don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you still think this is your fault”

“Can we at least agree that we are both at fault in some way?”

“If the guilt makes you happy”

“Thank you. Where are we headed?”

“Daegu, it’s a bit of a drive, and it’s out of the way…but it might be a good idea to switch cars”

A second car shouldn’t surprise you, but it wasn’t something that crossed your mind. “Unregistered, I’m assuming?”

“Of course”

You actually started getting used to the backroads and small towns, and after another two hours, you’re still in them. Seungmin knows his way around without any sort of direction, and no map pulled up on his phone (off again), and it makes him even more attractive to you. He may not have a solid plan, and he might be much more nervous beneath the surface, but Seungmin is capable of handling things when he has to, and all he wants you to do is sit back and watch.

“What is it?” He glances at you briefly, and merges into the far left lane that leads to Seokjeon-ri.

“Hm? Nothing”

The car slows as he turns and then you’re on a new, smaller stretch of road.

“I feel you staring at me”

“That’s because I’m staring at you”

“Because I’m so handsome?”

You watch a reluctant smile appear, and eventually, it turns into a laugh.

“Yeah, that’s exactly why”

“This isn’t even my good side”

“You have a bad side?”

He laughs again. You’re glad you can still make him laugh. “When I look in the mirror I do, yeah”

“I like both sides”

The car slows, and you force your eyes away from him to look at your surroundings. Another small town, but not quite as small as the previous two. Seungmin drives down a narrow road, barely big enough for two way traffic, and after a mile or so, he pulls into a maze of storage units. The car turns left, and right, and right again, and you eventually stop paying attention as you weave in and out of the identical rows.

“Almost there,” he glances down at his watch, and then gives you a smile. “Oh, here it is.”

It feels good to get out and stretch your legs—Seungmin does, too…he lifts his arms and stretches his back and rubs his neck as he pulls a set of keys from his pocket. Unit 3047 is the one he leads you to, and it takes him some time to get the locks, both of them, to unlock and unstick from their rusted latches. You watch as he bends and grabs the handle, pulls, and it slides up easily. The car is inside, very well covered, and this rundown looking storage unit is surprisingly nice on the inside.

“Do you want some help?”

“Yeah, come grab this side”

You walk inside, and you’re right about it being nice. It’s not cold in here—it’s well insulated, it’s finished, and the vent on the ceiling seems to be doing its job. He grabs a corner, and you follow. The first layer comes off, just a loose tarp, and now you can see the shape of the car beneath its cover. Seungmin does this one himself, pulling one side loose, and then the other. You grab a piece and pull, carefully lifting it over the side mirror. The front end is a pristine, shiny dark blue, and as you walk the cover off…

“I assumed we’d be detracting from ourselves, but—“

“But you like it, right?”

The cover falls to the ground as he starts to gather it up, and you look at it from every angle, starting at the back. Turbo on the left side, Toyota Supra on the right. “Of course I like it. And it’s my favorite color.” You’re starting to think Seungmin has a secret need for your praise and approval, which is fine. You’ll give him that all day. “It’s almost as pretty as you.”

“It’s the same age as you”

“Oh…thanks. No more compliments for you today.”

He knew it sounded wrong as soon as it left his mouth, but it was too late. “Maybe several days. Sorry, just a stupid observation.”

“It’s okay, you’re still young and awkward when you’re not being cool and charismatic.” You wait for him to unlock the doors, and then slide in. “Did you pick this out yourself?”

“No, this belonged to my dad—my real dad. He left it to me when he died.” He’s silent as he starts it, almost as if there’s some fear of the engine not turning over, but it does, and it sounds good. “Am I awkward?”

“Sometimes, but it’s cute. I mean…you’re not cute, I take that back.”

The first time taking it out of storage since last May, and he still managed to keep control on the one long, straight empty stretch of highway before getting close to Daegu. He hit 155 kilometers per hour, but just for a few seconds. He knows better than to get pulled over in this car. It’s not unregistered, like he told you, but it is registered under a different name, and the license should still be in the glove box. He didn’t double check.

“Feel better?” You say, and Seungmin looks at you stretched out in the passenger seat. “Getting a little bit of speed?”

“Yeah, sorry. It’s easy to do in this.” He slows and finds his exit, and looks at you again when he can take his eyes off the road. “What’s wrong?” Maybe nothing, but you suddenly look very uncomfortable sitting up, unbuckled, gripping the edge of the seat.

“Can you stop the car?”

He pulls off and onto the shoulder as you swing the door open, and you make it out just in time to throw up the coffee and cream bread you had an hour ago. Seungmin is out and next to you as it happens a second time, and a third, and then your face disappears in your folded arms.

“You okay?” He knows you’re probably not, and he feels a little guilty for speeding and causing this, but there’s not much else to say. And there’s not much else to do aside from rubbing his palm across your back and hoping it somehow soothes you. He hears your muffled mhm and sees the slight nod of your head, but you don’t move back to your seat. “I’ll find us a nice room and get you something for your stomach. We’re almost there.”

“I think I’m okay now”

But you’re colorless when you look at him, and your eyes are red and watery.

“Let me know if you need me to stop again”

The hotel is nicer this time, and while he is a little concerned about his now limited money, he decides he’d rather have you staying somewhere that feels more like the apartment, plus all the amenities. And now that you’re in the city, somewhere closer to a hospital—he doesn’t mention that, though.

“How long?”

“For now I booked a week”

“A week? You think we’ll stay that long this time?”

“It’s big enough here, and pretty crowded. Nobody will notice us much. How is your stomach? I can find you some dakjuk is you’re hungry.”

“Dak juk?”

“Chicken and rice porridge. It would be easy on your stomach. Or maybe just some tea if you have no appetite.” He doesn’t want to keep hovering when you don’t feel well, but at the same time, he does. You’ve already done the same for him. “Or maybe sleep is what you need.”

“We both need sleep”

“Okay, we’ll sleep…and we can worry about dinner later”

But when you say sleep, you mean getting into bed and holding him. You are tired after the last few days, especially last night, but touching and hanging on him is the necessary part of getting into bed and falling asleep. You wouldn’t even deny him if he was in the mood, because you’ve been feeling feral over the sight and the thought of him since last night. Your lust is outweighing the sour feeling in your stomach.

And that’s what you do—get him into bed with you and make him your little spoon. You kiss his neck and shoulders, touch him softly, run the tips of your fingers over his side. It only helps him relax, and he seems to quiet and fall to sleep with no trouble. Probably for the best, because you start to fall into your sleep immediately after.

Seungmin feels your hands on him, but he knows he’s still stuck in his sleep. He’s dreaming, and you’re in this one, finally. The problem is, there’s something wrong, and he can’t figure out what it is. The dream version of you is looking to him for an answer because you just want to feel okay again, but he doesn’t know what to do.

“Hmm?” Seungmin rolls over in his half-sleep, and he starts to wake up. It’s taking so much effort to pull himself out of it, though. “Tokki?”

“Minnie, I’m right here”

His arms fold you into a sleepy embrace. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Dreaming?” You rub circles over his back, “what are you dreaming about, love?”

Finally, his eyes open and he sees just beyond your shoulder. He sees the window, curtain halfway open, covered in night sky. “I’m awake.” But he doesn’t let go. “I’ll fix everything.”

“There’s nothing to fix right now. All we’re gonna worry about is what to eat for dinner.”

/ / /

Ten days…that’s how long you’ve been in this hotel suite in the middle of Daegu. Seungmin was right about not being noticed, of course. It’s not as busy as Seoul, but it’s busy enough for people to not care about you as you go about your business. It feels normal again, like being back at the apartment and occasionally leaving to stretch your legs, or get the necessities. No more shopping trips and no more splurging—it’s a good thing you didn’t have time to get used to that sort of lifestyle, because it might not be there in the future.

You come home with the only foods you’ve had any luck keeping down: ingredients for dal juk, because Seungmin makes it surprisingly well, eggs, tuna…and your favorite, which Seungmin hates—leftover rice and bananas in milk.

“I can find you some good rice pudding somewhere” is his comment every time you make it.

“You can, and then I’ll just eat both”

So now he walks the four blocks to get it every time you mention it to him.

The security cameras have given nothing significant in all of this time away, and Seungmin seems much more relaxed because of it. Neither of you have let the idea of complete safety get too far into your minds, though. You still don’t know if they found anything significant, but if they have, it was small enough to be taken out discreetly.

“We did get rid of everything suspicious, right?” He’s asked that two separate times while you reviewed footage. Both times you assured him you did.

Tonight, over dinner, you check the live feed briefly before he decides to put on the news, but there’s nothing mentioned about a missing girl, a murder, the apartment building…nothing.

“I feel like we dreamed this whole thing,” Seungmin leans back on the couch and sighs, “how can there be nothing?"

He looks inviting sitting there, even though he’s a little frustrated, “maybe we just missed it, and they looked and found nothing and started searching somewhere else,” so you climb on the couch and onto him, sit in his lap, and start the process of getting him out of his clothes. “And we can just go home soon, and this will have been a really nice bonding trip for us.”

“Bonding trip?” He jumps when you grab his sides, “yeah, I guess we did get to know each other better.” He’s told you more than he ever imagined speaking out loud. Someone sticking around and comforting him after telling his stories seems like a weird dream, too.

“And I love you even more than I thought I could”

The flutter in his stomach comes out in a nervous laugh, because it still feels so strange hearing, and it feels strange coming from him when he can get it out. But he knows you mean it, because he feels it all. “Yeah?”

Seungmin groans when you take his soft cock in your hand and stroke, and you get a mhm out after he pulls you in for a kiss. “Yeah. I love you, and your warm hands, and your sweet mouth…”

“You need me again…already?” He teases as he leans back and watches your hands on him. “Last night wasn’t enough?”

“I can never get enough of you”

He’s already getting hard, and his hips move to match the steady up and down of your hand. You’ve been all over him, needy and horny, since the night you spent at the moon dream hotel. Tired, but not tired enough. Every night, you’ve initiated, and every time, Seungmin has happily accepted your advances.

“I have plenty to give”

He watches you move to the floor and get between his knees, and your eyes move between him and his growing cock. A long, slow lick from the base to the tip of his head, and a shiver runs over him—Seungmin can feel a wave of goosebumps on his thighs, his arms, and up his neck.

It’s a lot of work, but you enjoy the act of touching and licking and getting as much of him in your mouth as you can, and you’ve gotten more and more in over the last several weeks. Seungmin loves watching your progress, and he likes watching you just like this—on your knees, taking your time, worshipping every inch of him.

Another wet lick up his length and you suck his head into your mouth, tongue him slowly as you work him in and out, a little deeper each time.

“That’s good,” he whispers and runs his knuckles across your cheek until you look at him.

Seungmin feels you gag on him—he feels the quick squeeze of your throat before you pull back, and then you do it again, and again. Both hands grip him and stroke, twist, and suddenly he’s squirming under your touch. Your tongue comes out for another taste, over his head, around it, sucking it back in while you keep stroking and slowly working his orgasm out of him. The sounds he lets slip out are less subdued each time, and Seungmin no longer cares how vulnerable you make him. The way you look at him and smile at those sounds makes him come so much harder. But by now, you usually switch up and climb on him to finish. This time you keep going—devouring as much of him as you can and stroking the rest, and it’s perfect, the rhythm and speed. You’ve gotten used to taking his cock anywhere he wants to put it, and now you want to finish right here.

“Gonna make me come…is that what you want?”

You look up and smile as you lick him.

“Yeah, you do. You hungry for it, bunny?”

“I want it”

Seungmin’s thighs tremble and his stomach tightens. His head swims, and he wants to tell you how much he loves you right now but instead he just screams it in his head. He loves you, and he loves watching you taking him like it’s the only thing keeping you going, and swallowing his cum will wash away all of your sins. It makes him feel powerful again, despite being so weak for you. You’re weak for him. Together, you could destroy each other…

Seungmin releases with no warning, but you’re still on him, pumping everything you can into your eager mouth, letting it trickle down your chin, not stopping until you're sure he's given you everything.

“Let me see,” he grips the back of your neck and so he can look at you and your mouth, overflowing with him. “Swallow.” The cum escaping is swiped up, and you close your mouth around his thumb as he pushes it in. “Good,” he coos and leans in for a kiss.

“Yeah? Was it good?”

He kisses harder, tastes himself on your lips. “It was perfect.” Seungmin smiles against yours lips, “was I good?”

“Mhm, very…I should do this more often”

A phone buzzes on the kitchen table, and it makes both of you jump. The post-orgasm bliss is cut short, but despite it, he still pulls you close for another kiss before rising from the couch.

“Is your phone on?”

“Yeah, I decided to leave it on for a few hours.” The curiosity got the better of him—wondering if someone would call, whether it was someone asking about the building, or his doctor. This call is not from his doctor, and the screen says unknown caller.

He picks it up and starts the conversation. You listen carefully though you can’t catch any of Seungmin’s quick words. It’s a short phone call, less than a minute, and when he hangs up, he looks at you and smiles.

“Who was it?”

“Senior Inspector Byeon.” He says it very casually, smiling.

“A cop? What did they say?”

“He said they’ve been trying to reach me, and I told him I’ve been in Daegu visiting family…and I asked what the problem was.” He pauses.

“And?”

“And he wanted to apologize for the intrusion on my building…and in my apartment, because of a false police report. They were tipped off and couldn’t find any evidence of the girl anywhere. Nothing on the security footage. Nothing from my tenants. They didn’t want me coming back to a surprise.”

“They didn’t find anything?”

“But if something changed, or evidence was found that linked to the building, he’d be in touch.”

“Did it sound like they were expecting to find something?”

“No, he didn’t think so”

“So we can go home?”

“Do you wanna go home?”

You think, look around the hotel room you’ve broken in, and think about how good everything has been between the two of you. “We should stay here a little longer.”

“Okay, let’s get cleaned up and go get ourselves a treat”

Seoul is safe—the apartment, the building, his bank account, so Seungmin’s pockets are suddenly bottomless again. He picks a cafe a few blocks from the hotel, and fills the table with whatever he thinks you might like; a slice of chocolate cake, a soufflé covered in caramelized bananas, a raspberry strudel, a plate full of hotteok, and two cappuccinos.

“Are we going to eat all of this?” You laugh, but immediately pick up a fork and take a bite of the cake.

Seungmin does the same, and then tries strudel. “We’re gonna try, you haven’t been eating enough.”

“I know. I have been feeling a little better recently, but I don’t like testing it.”

“We’ll have our leftovers for breakfast,” he says, but he’s distracted by a loud group walking into the cafe, all men, and probably younger than Seungmin. He knows better than to look and attract their attention, but he turns away a moment too late.

One of them speaks, but he ignores it and takes a sip of his coffee.

“What does he want?” You ask quietly.

“Nothing, just don’t look at them.”

He speaks again, to Seungmin, and then he seems to say something directed toward you. His friends don’t join in, but they don’t seem bothered by anything happening.

“Please, give it a rest,” he says softly.

A flashback to Seungmin’s temper, the bartenders bloody, broken nose, and the crack in the plaster wall. That can’t happen again, not now…not after finally being able to relax. Again, you’re in the dark listening to their fast-paced Korean—first the stranger, then Seungmin again. You can hear his anger growing.

“Hey,” your hand closes over his, “maybe we should just go.”

“Not yet”

The stranger speaks again.

“What is he saying?”

“He’s just being an ass”

Your heart jumps when Seungmin stands, and he’s at least a few inches taller than all of them. More than anything, he has a way of looking intimidating without much effort. But he’s one, and they’re three.

The cafe owner finally notices and yells at them to leave, but they ignore her.

“Min?” He doesn’t hear you, or he acts like he doesn’t. You wish he would look at you, because everything is starting to turn sideways. “Minnie?”

The anger in him is ready to spill over. Nothing would feel better than his hands around this boys neck, squeezing, crunching, destroying his windpipe and watching him writhe and gasp for air on the floor. Watching the light leave his eyes as he wondered if the things he said about you was worth his life.

The owner yells something, points over his shoulder, and all he sees is you, slowly falling from the chair and landing on the hard floor. He runs to you, and his anger disappears as if it never existed at all.

“Jagiya…what’s wrong? Open your eyes”

He hears the woman say she’s calling an ambulance, but he doesn’t want to believe that’s necessary. You just fainted because you said you get dizzy when you’re anxious. The vertigo hit when you were worried he would do something stupid, and he almost did. Seungmin could feel and see his fist meeting the boys jaw—he could hear the crack.

“Please open your eyes.” Your skin is hot. He places a kiss on your forehead, and then moves to your mouth. Seungmin can feel your slow breaths against his lips.

“Minnie, please be good,” you say, and groan in pain.

“I am…I was good”

He’s there when your eyes open. Confused, still dizzy, and now a throbbing pain in your shoulder. Seungmin looks just as confused. “What happened?”

“You passed out”

You feel stupid sitting here in a hospital bed—like a burden, like you’re wasting everyone’s time, and like you’re just causing more worry. But you can’t blame Seungmin for being concerned.

“How’s your shoulder?” He moves your gown out of the way and gently touches the red mark left by the floor.

“It’s not bad”

“I know you don’t wanna be here, I’m sorry”

“No, I just don’t think they’ll have an answer…that’s all. They’ll tell me it’s stress, or that it’s in my head and that it’ll go away. And I want my chocolate cake.”

“They did take blood, so maybe that will tell us something.” Seungmin readjusts your gown as two nurses return.

One speaks to Seungmin first, leaving you clueless, and she doesn’t give him a chance to translate. He holds his hand up and turns to you, “she said they did a few tests, but the others will take a few more hours.”

“You only speak English?” The other nurse looks at you.

“Yes”

“Are you her husband?”

“Yes,” he replies without hesitation.

“We do have some results from your blood, and you are feeling unwell because you are pregnant. Probably around six weeks, based on the information you gave us.”

“I’m what?”

“Pregnant?” Seungmin asks, and the look on his face is a mixture of confusion, and what looks like relief…maybe more than that.

“Yes, we suspected that and the bloodwork confirmed it. But it’s still very early. The morning sickness is normal at this stage, and the tiredness. All of this was making your stress worse, but knowing why should help.”

“Can we go home?”

“What’s wrong?” He pulls you against him and feels you tense up, “it’s okay…everything will be okay.”

“Probably not tonight. We’re going to give you IV fluids and vitamins since you haven’t been able to eat much lately, but you’ll be taken to the maternity floor.”

Seungmin can feel the anxiety radiating from you. He isn’t quite sure which direction his brain wants to go in right now, but of course he doesn’t want to leave you here alone for the entire night. “How long will the IV take?”

“Maybe an hour or two”

“Can we go home after that? And we’ll come back to see the doctor tomorrow.”

The nurse looks at you for a long moment, and then to him. “Alright, two hours in bed, and if you’re feeling okay, I’ll see if the doctor will release you. But I can’t promise he’ll agree.”

/ / /

Silence falls over the hotel room when you finally return three hours later, but you can tell that Seungmin wants to talk—wants to, but doesn’t know what to say. Both tests you took almost two weeks ago were wrong, but it must have been too early, and the idea of being pregnant almost left your mind with those negative results. Now you sit, wrapped in your damp towel with the knowledge of something growing inside of you. That thought is wearing you out, and so is remembering him trying to hide his true feelings when he found the discarded box. You love Seungmin, and you should be happy you’re having the baby he obviously wants, but your fear and uncertainty outweighs everything right now.

Seungmin sets a stack of clean clothes next to you, and he stands there for a moment, because the words on the tip of his tongue refuse to come out. He can sense your doubt and your worry.

“How do you feel…after the IV? I should’ve made sure you were eating enough, and staying hydrated.”

“I feel better.” You do, but you’re stuck with this uneasy stomach whether it’s from the baby or your nerves. “You didn’t know why I was sick, Minnie.”

“No, but I should have been taking better care of you anyway.” He turns and heads for the door when you both hear a soft knock. “I’ve been too distracted by everything going on.”

You hear him greet and thank whoever is there, and then he’s heading back to you with something in his hand. It’s a piece of chocolate cake—not like the one you had earlier, but it still looks good. Seungmin drops to his knees in front of you and wraps his arms around your waist, and you pull him into a hug.

“Hopefully this one is good, too”

“I’m sure it is.” A kiss on his forehead brings a smile to his face, finally. “Thank you.”

“Can we talk about it?” His voice shakes a little.

The Seungmin in front of you and the one you met almost two months ago are the same, but so different. He’s allowed himself to become soft around you, and for you—not just sometimes, and not all of the time…but most of the time. This part of him has always been in there somewhere, waiting to be coaxed out, but you’re mostly surprised because you know he stopped taking his medication after you arrived in Daegu.

“Of course we can. I wanna know everything you’re feeling right now, and everything going on in your head.”

“Everything?” He laughs. “Okay. I know I acted strange when you took your test before, and that was because I never thought I’d have a chance to experience the things that we’ve done together, and felt—the feeling of having someone so special that you could happily make a baby together. And I know I shouldn’t be, I know I shouldn’t feel that—“

“Yes you should, Seungmin”

“We aren’t really parent material…or you think you’re not, at least. I know I’m not. But maybe together, we’re different. Maybe we just need each other.”

“I need you, baby or no baby”

“Tell me what’s going on in your head”

That look he gives you makes everything feel better, and you’re starting to believe you can do anything as long as you have him. “I’m worried…I’m scared.”

“What are you afraid of? Giving birth…or caring for the baby? I’ll be there for you, for everything. I promise.”

“Yes, but I’m more worried I won’t be able to handle it. I’ve already been so sick, and I know that’s normal, but what if it gets worse? What if my body can’t do this right?”

“I’ll take care of you, whether you’re sick or not. Whether you can handle it, or you can’t. You come first.”

[ihave-atummyache]

someone would have had to grab me by the back of the neck like a feral dog if i saw this kim seungmin in real life.

thats all i have to say.

GRRRR WOOOF WOOF ARF

[luckymilkshakerebel]

A Love Rekindled

Genre: fluff, clingy and a little bit angst

Content warning: too much fluff, a little bit smut, angst

Cast : seungmin x reader

---

It had been a full week since I last heard from him. A week of unanswered texts and calls that went straight to voicemail. Every time I dialed his number, it rang once or twice before he hung up. My heart sank with each call that ended without a word. I didn’t understand what was happening. We’d never gone this long without talking, without checking in with each other. I tried to convince myself that maybe he was just busy, but as the silence stretched on, doubts began to creep in. What had I done wrong? Was he pulling away?

Then, one morning, I woke up feeling horrible. My throat was sore, my body ached, and a headache made it impossible to concentrate. I didn’t have the energy to fight it, so I stayed in bed, trying to sleep it off. But as the 1 day passed, I knew I needed something. I decided to drag myself to the pharmacy to get some medicine, hoping it would make me feel better.

I was barely able to stand as I walked into the pharmacy, feeling miserable, but I had to get something to ease the symptoms. I shuffled over to the aisle for cold and flu meds, trying to focus despite my dizziness. I grabbed a box of medicine and stood there, staring blankly at the shelf, when I heard a voice.

“Are you okay?”

I turned around and froze. There, standing in front of me, was my boyfriend friend Han. He looked surprised to see me, and his face softened when he saw how pale and unwell I looked. His eyes searched mine, and I could tell he hadn’t expected to run into me here—especially not like this.

I didn’t have the energy to say much, so I just nodded weakly, not wanting to explain everything that had been building up over the past week. Han looked at the medicine in my hands and then back at me. His expression shifted from concern to something else, something I couldn’t quite place.

“Why are you here? You don’t look well,” he said, his voice suddenly sounding more serious.

I sighed, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on me. “I’m sick. I just... I wasn’t feeling good, and I needed something.”

Han brow furrowed. “You should’ve told seungmin. Did he know?”

You shake your head as a sign of no, Seungmin doesn't know

Before han could respond, you said " i need to go, bye" you pay for you medicine and start to go home as you feel worse.

As you push the door open, the weight of the day presses harder on your already aching body. The air inside your home feels still, a silence broken only by the faint hum of the refrigerator. You're burning up with fever, but hunger gnaws at your stomach. You shuffle toward the kitchen, each step heavier than the last.

You fumble through the cabinets, finding ingredients for something simple—a bowl of soup. The rhythm of chopping vegetables feels distant, like you're watching yourself from afar. The heat of the stove makes you sweat more, but you endure, determined to eat something, anything, to regain some strength.

When it's ready, you ladle the soup into a bowl and sit at the table. The aroma is comforting, but as soon as you bring the spoon to your lips, your stomach churns violently. You take a small sip, but it’s no use—your body rebels, forcing you to rush to the sink. You didn't eat yesterday and still can't eat

You lean over, heaving, as waves of nausea take over. The fever has robbed you of your appetite, leaving you weak and defeated. After cleaning up, you sink onto the couch, shivering despite the warmth surrounding you. The untouched bowl of soup sits on the counter, a reminder of how your body has betrayed you today. You drift to sleep

After a while, The door clicked open, and you barely stirred from the couch. Fever had made you sluggish, but the sound of someone entering your home snapped you out of your haze.

Your boyfriend, seungmin walked in, his face filled with concern, but something about it annoyed you. Seungmin used the password to let himself in—no knocking, no waiting for permission. His eyes darted to the kitchen counter where the half-eaten bowl of soup sat, then back to you slumped under the blanket.

“You didn’t finish your soup,” seungmin said, his voice gentle but edged with frustration. “You need to eat something, even just a little. You’ll feel worse if you don’t.”

You sighed, turning away from him, your back against the couch. “I’m not hungry,” you muttered, your tone flat. “And I don’t need you hovering.”

Seungmin paused for a moment, clearly taken aback. “I’m not hovering,” he defended, stepping closer. “I’m just worried. You didn’t tell me you were this sick.”

You let out a bitter laugh, heat rising—not just from the fever but from your frustration. “Oh, now you’re worried Seungmin? After ignoring me for days? You only care when it’s convenient for you.”

His jaw tightened, and he sat down beside you, his voice softer but firm. “I didn’t ignore you y/n. I’ve been busy—”

“Don’t,” you snapped, cutting seungmin off. “You could’ve checked in. A text 'i'm home' or I'm busy' doesn’t take much effort, Seungmin.”

Seungmin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m here now, aren’t I? I’m trying to help. Can you at least let me?”

You turned to face Seungmin, your exhaustion and irritation swirling together. “I’m too tired to argue,” you muttered. “But I don’t want to eat. Just... stop pushing.”

Seungmin didn’t say anything for a moment, his gaze dropping to the floor. Finally, he stood up and walked to the kitchen. You heard the sound of running water as he dumped out the soup, and guilt pricked at you, but you were too drained to say anything.

When he came back, he sat down quietly, leaning back against the couch. After a few moments, he said softly, “I know I messed up. I’m sorry. Let me take care of you now, even if you’re mad at me.” Seungmin continued "did you eat something today or yesterday, i know you can't eat well when you get sick, did you eat the soup?" you just shook your head.. Seungmin start to get annoyed with your stubborn.

Seungmin gets up to get the soup again, he's going to make sure you eat tonight."You should eat," Seungmin prompted you gently. trying to coax you out of couch. You had been trying to sleep off your violent cold you somehow acquired from work. The suggestion of moving out of your comfort space wasn't so appealing, not when you had finally found the angle to stop your nose running or your throat to feel irritated enough to send you into a coughing fit.

"I bring food for you, let's not waste it," Seungmin sighed, stroking hair out of your face tenderly. You shook your head

"But you need to eat now," Seungmin insisted softly. You knew he was Worried about you, and it made you feel bad for being so stubborn about this.

"Left there. i will eat later" you said softly

"Don't put it off. I bring the food you make to make sure you eat" he encouraged, gently tugging at your arm to get you to sit up, so he could place a tray on your lap. You look up "why did you came?"

"What, you didn't think I would be checking in on you?" Seungmin scoffed gently, sitting on the edge of your bed with you. "Why wouldn't I come and see you?"

I felt a lump form in my throat, and I could barely hold back the tears. “You’ve been ignoring me for a week... I’ve been trying to reach you, and you kept hanging up every time I called. I didn’t know what to think.”

His face fell, and he stepped closer to me. “I know. I messed up. I didn’t mean to shut you out. I was dealing with some stuff, but that’s no excuse. I should’ve been there for you.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked down at the floor. The silence between us was heavy, but it felt like he truly regretted his actions.

“I’ll make it right,” he said, his voice low and sincere. “I’ll take care of you now. I’m not leaving until you’re okay.”

"But you have been ignored me for one week... I need you but you keep shutting me out. But then because I'm sick you came? Because of what?Why did you came?" Seungmin froze at your words, and instantly, guilt consumed his expression.

"Hey, stop... I haven't been ignoring you," he denied, even if the truth wasn't on his side. "I just... I've been busy with work is all"

He reached to take your hand, threading his fingers with yours. "Listen, I'm here now, aren't i? Don't think that I don't care about you," Seungmin murmured, biting his lip.

"Hey." Seungmin said, more firmly. He cupped your chin with his other hand, forcing you to look at him properly.

"You know I love you, right? Just because I'm a little busy it doesn't mean i don't want to be around you. l'd have never come here if I didn't want to see you," he confessed, frowning as you continued to look miserable. "Am i that clingy"

"No-!" Seungmin's eyebrows furrowed at your broken tone. He looked a little sad that you would even suggest that. "| didn't mean it when I said that, okay? I was just annoyed, I didn't mean a word of it... I like your clingy, I just... I was stupid," he muttered, looking frustrated with himself.

"Then am i a burden to you" you look at him . "You aren't a burden to me," Seungmin reassured you tenderly, rubbing your shoulder. He sighed heavily, still a little frustrated that he had made you feel this way.

"How many times have I told you that you're the most important thing to me," he mumbled, gently resting his forehead on yours. "The idea of losing you.. Scares me. YoU aren't a burden to me. And you aren't clingy, either. But you are mine," he added, pressing his lips against your forehead.

"But you keep shutting me out" On the verge of tears

"I know. I know" Seungmin pulled back, looking frustrated with himself. He ran a hand through his short black hair restlessly.

"I don't know why I shut you out, it wasn't intentional. I'm just an ass sometimes," he mumbled, sighing.

"Do you. Do you really think I don't want you?" He mumbled, looking genuinely saddened by the idea. " Because you keep ignoring me, i can't help the thought" you look away

"I don't ignore you," Seungmin denied, but it was a weak protest. He had a terrible habit of shutting you out when he was stressed. "I don't know because you keep ignorig me"

"Honestly, it's not even me that does it... It's like, I'm fine, and things are great, but the second something stressful happens it's like you're at the back of my mind... And then a week goes by, and I feel like an idiot." He ran a hand through his hair stressed, looking guilty. Silent

Seungmin took a deep breath, trying to control the frustration building up in him. He hated himself for making you feel this way.

"I'm an idiot, okay? A real jerk... But I love you. You don't, for a second, believe that I don't want you.. right?" He asked, grabbing your hand again and gently holding it in both of his hands. You keep silent and look away

"Hey," he said, his voice firm. "Look at me." Seungmin grabbed your chin to force you to look at him again. Despite the slight frown, it was obvious that he was desperate for you to pay attention.

"Have I ever not been into you?" He asked quietly, gently caressing your chin with his thumb. "Have I ever been annoyed with you hanging on me? I... I like it, and I need it," Seungmin mumbled, looking frustrated with his Own actions. Or, more so, his lack of actions.

You still avoid his eyes. Seungmin huffed a little, gripping your chin a bit firmer to keep you facing him. "Please just look at me," he pleaded, looking pained that you still refused to look at him. He didn't want you to be so distant from him, it hurt him to see you looking so cold towards him.

You finally look at him.Seungmin felt a wave of relief wash over him when you looked at him. It was still a bit frustrating that you had looked away in the first place, but at least you weren't avoiding his gaze now.

"You can be as clingy as you want," he mumbled. "In fact, please be. I want you to be." He ruffles your head softly, but still you don't give any response

"Please say something," Seungmin groaned frustrated. He hated that you wouldn't talk to him. Was he really making you that angry?

He gently caressed your cheek, trying to coax you into speaking. "I'm here now... and I'm not going anywhere," he attempted to reassure you, even if he didn't know if he'd be able to keep that promise again.

"Why did you come when I got sick? Do i need to get sick every time I need your attention?" Softly mumble, you look at you lap

"No," Seungmin huffed, gently gripping your chin and forcing you to look at him. He hated your tone - it was so cold, and it hurt him that you felt like this.

"No, you don't need to be sick to get my attention... Don't say stuff like that," he mumbled, looking upset by your statement.

"I'm glad that han see you at the pharmacy, I'm sorry because i left you alone, leaving you hanging without reaching to you" He gripped your chin, forcing you to look at him again. He didn't like it when you Wouldn't look at him. He liked the feeling of your eyes on him a lot, it made him feel a lot of things.

"Hey, I need you, okay? And i know it's not easy to forget that if I keep... shutting you out, but I do. I always need you," Seungmin mumbled, desperately trying to get you to believe him.

"You know that I have trust issues" He gripped your chin a little firmer, making you look at him again. His hand was warm on your chin, the gentlest yet firm touch.

"I know. And i know that l'm not exactly helping that.." he mumbled, looking frustrated. It hurt that he had been the one to contribute to your trust issues.

"Please tell me I haven't broken your trust entirely," Seungmin mumbled,

feeling a heavy ball of guilt and sadness in his chest. "Maybe, i don't know" you said as looking at him

Seungmin swallowed hard, feeling that lump in his throat expand. You were so closed off to him now and, god, he hated it. It was his Own damn fault for acting the way he did, and now he wanted nothing more than to hold you, to make you look at him normally again.

"Hey, please," he murmured brokenly. "I hate this. Don't... don't be so distant"

"I can't help when you keep brushing me off" you play with your hands.

"I'm sorry," Seungmin mumbled, feeling like an incredible jerk for acting the way he had.

He gently pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist.He buried his face into your shoulder, pulling you against him. He had missed this. The feeling of you in his arms, the feeling of your body against his.

Seungmin tightened his grip when you tried to pull away. pulling you closer against him and shaking his head.

"Don't hug me, what if you get infected" you tried to push him

"| don't care," he mumbled, burying his face in your shoulder more. He took a deep breath, drinking in your scent that he had missed so much this past week. "Don't Seungmin"

"No," he mumbled firmly, refusing to let you pull away from him.

His grip on your was tight, refusing to budge. He wanted you against him,he needed to feel your body against him. He needed it.

"I will eat but after that you need to go" you finally decide to eat, Seungmin felt a wave of disappointment hit him again, but he nodded reluctantly.

"Yeah. Yes, okay," he mumbled. He didn't want to leave, especially after finally being able to be with you again, but he couldn't really argue. He had been ignoring you for a week, after all. "Give me the food" you reach your hands

Seungmin felt hurt by your cold command, but he couldn't blame you. Hehad been acting ike an idiot.He grabbed the tray of food he had left on the couch, handing it over to you.

He continued to linger, staring at you for a moment. Part of him was desperate to stay here, but he knew it would be better to give you Some space. But he still didn't want to leave. "why" as you see he fidgeted awkwardly for a moment, biting his lip.

"l don't wanna go," Seungmin mumbled quietly. He was being honest. He didn't want to leave, he wanted to stay and keep his arms wrapped around you. He fidgeted again, looking at you with a conflicted look on his face.

He knew that he should give you space, but he didn't want to leave. He wanted, needed to stay with you.

"Can I... Can I just stay a little longer?" He mumbled quietly. "Why" you slowly look at him

"Because I miss you," Seungmin mumbled, looking at you with sadness in his eyes. He missed being close with you, he missed having you in his arms like before. It hurt, being apart from you.

"Because I don't want to leave when you still won't look at me."

Seungmin's expression dropped when you didn't even look him. It was like a stinging pain in his chest. You still wouldn't look at him.

You look at him and ask is that enough

"No," he murmured, feeling frustrated. "It's not enough. Look at me, please." Seungmin felt a bit of relief wash over him when you finally looked at him.

But it didn't feel the same as when you normally look at him.

"I'm already staring at you "

"I mean...properly" he mumbled, gripping your chin gently to keep your gaze on him.

"Don't touch, I'm eating" Seungmin huffed a little, pouting a bit when you told him not to touch.

"You don't like it when I touch you anymore," he mumbled, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Because I'm eating" coldly

"Yeah, I know you're eating," Seungmin mumbled, watching you eat. Part of him was a bit glad you couldn't talk while you were busy eating, because he wasn't sure if he could deal with your tone again. But he still felt hurt about the distance and his own damn fault.

He continued to watch you eating, a conflicted look on his face. He wanted to touch you, but he knew that you had told him not to. He desperately wanted to pull you into his lap, to kiss down your neck, to hold you close. But, he knew that he couldn't because he didn't deserve that privilege right now.

Seungmin's eyes widened a bit when you suddenly got up, feeling a small bit of panic rise in his chest.

"Where are you going?" He immediately questioned, his voice a bit worried

"water"

Seungmin felt a small bit of relief wash over him as you responded to him,but he still felt worried.

"Alone?" He questioned, his voice quiet and a bit concerned. You Hm, Seungmin grimaced a bit, not liking the quiet hum as a response. He fidgeted with his fingers fora second, before carefully asking another question. "Can I... Can I come with you?"

"Why, you stay there... The kitchen is not far"

Seungmin felt a pang of disappointment as you told him to stay there. Hewanted to come with you, he didn't want to be apart from you again.

"Please, " he said, his voice sounding a bit desperate. "I..l just don't want to be apart from you..."

"Hm"

Seungmin was growing more and more frustrated with your short responses. He just wanted to be near you, and you seemed so cold to him right now.

"Just let me come with you," he pleaded brokenlų, his tone almost

sounding desperate.

"Quick, I'm choking"

Seungmin immediately snapped out of whatever he was feeling when he heard your words, now just feeling worried and panicked.

"You're choking?" He questioned, already on his feet and rushing over to you. He grabbed your shoulders, his grip on you firm as he tried to assess the situation. His heart was racing in his chest, worry consuming him as he held onto you.

"Are you okay?" He questioned, looking you over franticly.

"Because there's no water"

Seungmin felt his annoyance rise again when you responded with another short response. He squeezed your shoulders again, not exactly Sure of the reason why he was feeling so annoyed and frustrated right now.

"So you said you were choking because you were thirsty?" He questioned, his tone a bit sharp.

"hm"

Seungmin felt like he was going to lose his mind if you responded with another single word. He was already frustrated with how cold and distant you were being, and it was making his emotions a mess. "Stop just giving me one word answers!" He snapped frustratedly.

You rise your eyebrows, Seungmin realised that he had just snapped at you and immediately regretted it. He didn't mean to snap at you, especially when he was the reason why you were being so distant in the first place.

He sighed heavily. gently letting go of your shoulders as another wave of guilt hit him.

“Im sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” he mumbled, rubbing his forehead.

As you turned to go to the kitchen, Seungmin felt another pang of helplessness run through him. It made him feel like a damn idiot, watching you turn and walk away like that.

He felt like he should try to follow you, to keep you close. But he didn’t know if you actually wanted him around right now.

“Quick if you want to follow me” as you sense that he’s not following you

Seungmin immediately followed after you without pausing. He wanted to follow you, he needed to be close to you. He followed you like a puppy into the kitchen, his footsteps a bit quicker than an usual. You find it cute, you chuckle softly, make that he didn’t see.

As you guys arrive at the kitchen “Glass and medicine in the box behind you”

Seungmin Immediately grabbed a glass for you and the medicine, watching you closely as he waited for you to fill the glass with water est medicine. He was desperately trying to not be apart from you.

“came here”

Seungmin was thrown off by how you suddenly spoke, telling him to come with you. He was a bit surprised that you had even asked him to come towards you, but he didn’t wait to follow your instructions. He immediately stepped forward, walking until he was right in front of you.

Seungmin looked at the glass that you held out to him for a second, before slowly taking it from you. His fingers brushed over yours briefly. And for a small moment, it felt as if it was before the last week.

But he broke out of the feeling quickly enough, and he looked at you. Waiting for you to tell him what to do next.

“Drink”

Seungmin couldn’t help but feel a pang of irritation again at your short command, but he did as you said. Drinking the water in the glass that you had given him.

He could feel your eyes on him, even if you weren’t looking directly at him, and he felt a sense of.. anticipation? He didn’t know quite what to call it.

“Aren’t you tired?” You softly ruffle his hair

Seungmin felt another pang of guilt at your words. He knew that you were right. Seungmin was a little thrown off by your next question. Was he tired?..

Of course he was tired, he hadn’t gotten any decent amount of sleep for the past week. But he didn’t want to say that he was tired. He didn’t want to show any kind of weakness to you right now.

He nodded his head slightly, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Yeah, a little,” he mumbled, trying to not sound tired.

"You need to rest, you have been overwork yourself"

Seungmin felt another guilt hit his chest. You were right, he had been overworking himself. He felt a bit sheepish that you had noticed it, and that you were concerned about him. But he couldn’t help but feel happy that you still care about him and sad because he needs to go,if he wants to rest.

He gripped the glass even tighter, his voice a little frustrated.

“I’m fine, I can stay up.”

“Nope you need to rest , You can stay here, but you need to sleep.. I need to see with my own eyes that you rest.” you touch seungmin hair softly

Seungmin immediately grew more relaxed when you told him that he could stay there, but he grew more reluctant when you said that he needed to sleep.

He was about to protest, but all words died on his tongue when you touched his hair. It felt… reassuring. Comforting almost.

He didn’t want to sleep, as selfish as that was. But he slowly relented, knowing that he couldn’t argue with you anymore.

“Okay,” he mumbled weakly.

“Promise”

Seungmin felt another pang of guilt and worry as you demanded that he promise you. He didn’t know if he could promise to sleep, but he knew that hat he didn t want to disappoint you right now.

He gave a reluctant nod, his expression a bit sheepish as he spoke. “I promise.” After a minute goes by silent from both of you

“You want to touch me” You ask seungmin

Seungmin felt another flood of nervous and awkward energy as you questioned him directly. He hadn’t expected that kind of question, but the answer was an obvious yes. He did want to touch you, he wanted to be close to you.

He felt sheepishness as he answered quietly, his voice small but firm. “Yes… I do.”

Seungmin was trying to avold your gaze as he answered, trying to keep his voice steady and firm. He felt a mixture of nervousness, but there was a hint of desire in his voice too.

He was quiet for a few moments afterwards, unsure what else to say or do. He just wanted to be close to you, to touch you.

“Hmm okay.. hug me then ”

Seungmin felt his heart skip a beat as you requested a hug. He didn’t hesitate for a moment, he immediately wrapped his arms around you. Pulling you into a tight, warm embrace.

He held you close, burying his face into your shoulder as he spoke with a soft, sincere voice.

“I’m really sorry,” he mumbled quietly. His eyes closing as he held onto you tight. You rub his back softly

Seungmin felt a mix of emotions as he held you in his arms, feeling both relieved and guilty. He was relieved that you were so understanding and forgiving, but also guilty that he had caused any pain in the first place.

He tightened his grip on you slightly, mumbling into your shoulder, his voice quiet and sincere.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I just… get stupid sometimes,” he mumbled sheepishly, feeling vulnerable in this moment.

“Me too. Sorry for keep craving your attention too much” You apologise

Seungmin felt a pang of sympathy as you apologised for craving his attention too much. He knew that it was his fault that you had felt the need to do that, and he felt guilty about it.

He pulled back a little, looking at you gently as he spoke, his voice soft.

“No, you don’t have to apologise for that. It’s my fault that I made you feel like you needed to do that. I promise I’ll give you more attention from now on.” He assured you.

“Hmmm, love, do I smelled bad? I didn’t shower yet today because I feel too cold” You tried to get away from the topic.

Seungmin felt concern for you as you asked him if you smelled bad. He could tell that you had been feeling cold and hadn’t showered yet today, and he wanted to make sure you were comfortable and clean.

He spoke in a soft tone, his voice full of care. “No, you don’t smell bad, but if you’re feeling cold, a hot shower might make you feel better. Do you want me to help you get ready?”

“Yes please” You nodded enthusiasm

Seungmin felt a wave of relief as you finally agreed to let him take care of you. He knew that you were stubborn and independent, but he was glad that you were letting your guard down a little, allowing him to pamper you. He smiled warmly, his arms still gently holding you.

“Good. Now, let me help you into the shower, alright? You’ll feel so much better after a warm shower.”

Seungmin carefully led you to the bathroom, his hand steady on your back. He made sure you were stable on your feet before starting the shower, adjusting the water temperature to be comfortably warm.

He turned to you, his voice gentle. “yn/ do you need any help undressing, or do you think you can manage?”

“Help me, but seungmin I’m cold” you shivering,

Seungmin felt sympathy as you mentioned that you were cold. He knew that you were feeling particularly cold and vulnerable, and he wanted to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

He immediately stepped closer to you, his hands gently reaching for the hem of your clothes, careful not to touch your skin too soon.

“It’s okay, I’l help you. Just hold onto me, okay? I’ll warm you up soon.”

Seungmin slowly helped you out of your clothes, being gentle and patient.

He could see the shivers shaking your body and the goosebumps rising on your skin. He wished he could wrap you in a warm blanket right away, but he knew that first, he had to get you into the warm shower.

Once you were undressed, he carefully guided you to the shower and under the warm spray of water.

“I know it’s cold, but it’ll get better soon, I promise, Just give it a few more moments, okay? Let the water warm you up.” Seungmin tried to convince you

When you see he step away from the shower “You don’t want to join me” you ask him

Seungmin surprise at your suggestion, his cheeks flushing slightly. He hadn’t expected you to ask him to join you in the shower, but he couldn’t deny that the idea was tempting.

He fidgeted for a moment, a mixture of shyness and anticipation in his eyes.

“If you want or am I too much” You think you embarrassed yourself

Seungmin shook his head, a small smile on his lips. He found your question endearing, the way you asked if you were being too much.

He stepped closer to the shower, his voice calm and gentle.“No, you’re not too much. I’ll join you. If you don’t mind.”

“Come” You pull him

Seungmin felt a mix of excitement and shyness as you invited him to join you in the shower. He took a deep breath. Willing himself to not get too flustered

He stepped towards the shower, carefully stepping under the warm spray of water next to you. Seungmin stood in the shower next to you, the warm water cascading over both your bodies. He couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious, a blush rising to his cheeks as he tried not to stare at you too obviously.

He spoke in a soft tone, his hands gently touching your arms.“Is the water better now? Warmer?” You nodded

He continued washing you, his hands carefully and gently moving over your skin. He spoke again, a hint of affection in his voice. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Just relax and let me take care of you.”

Seungmin continued to gently lather the shower gel onto your body, his hands moving slowly and tenderly over your skin. He enjoyed the feeling of your soft, warm skin under his fingertips.

As he washed your body, he noticed that despite his efforts to stay focused, he was having a hard time concentrating, his mind wandering to less innocent thoughts.

“Oh, isn’t this your body shower? Did you leave it?” you ask

He replied gently, a hint of playfulness in his voice. “No, love. That’s yours. I have a different one. I wouldn’t want my scent to take over yours.”

“But how did you know we have different body shower” Seungmin smiled as you asked how he knew they had different body showers

He replied gently, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Well, for one, I’m familiar with my own scent. And secondly, I know you prefer the floral ones, while I lean towards the musky ones. You’ve told me before.”

“Oh really “ Seungmin chuckled again, finding your confusion endearing. He continued washing you, his hands carefully and gently moving over

"Y/n, I want to ask, did you recently into my group?” He ask while massage your scalp, you surprise at the attention, you thought that you being secretly about that.” Oh you caught me?”

“It wasn’t difficult to guess, love. I could sense the change in your demeanour, the way you talked about my group with a sparkle in your eyes. Plus, I know you’ve been watching our performances and content lately. So, who’s your new favourite member, love? Don’t leave me hanging.”

“I don’t want to tell you” you giggles, Seungmin feigned hurt, pretending to clutch his heart in mock despair. He spoke in an exaggerated woeful tone, his voice filled with overly dramatic sadness.

“What? Why won’t you tell me, love? I thought we had no secrets between us. Now you’ve piqued my curiosity. Come on, don’t leave me in the dark. I Just want to know, who’s the lucky member who won your heart?”

“Can you promise that you will not stop me from admire him” you look up at him

Seungmin raised an eyebrow in curiosity, a small smile on his lips. He was still trying to guess who your new favourite member is, and he wanted to know why you needed such a promise from him.

He spoke gently, his voice filled with curiosity and a hint of possessiveness.

“Sure, I promise I won’t stop you from admiring whoever it is. You have my word. But I’m curious… why do you need me to promise you that, love?”

He spoke in a soft, affectionate voice, a hint of possessiveness in his tone.

"Because of your possessive and jealousy "

Seungmin couldn’t deny the truth in your words. He did have a possessive and jealous streak, and he knew you were aware of it. He chuckled softly, his expression sheepish, yet genuine.

“You got me there. I can’t deny my tendencies to be possessive and jealous, especially when it comes to you. But I promise you, I’ll try to keep it under control. Your admiration is your own, and I’ll respect that. Now, please tell me who your new favorite member is. You’re making me squirm in suspense here.”

smiling while pointing at him "You"

Seungmin’s eyes widened in surprise, a soft gasp escaping his lips. He hadn’t expected you to say that your favorite member was him. He felt a mixed rush of emotions—shock, happiness, and a hint of possessiveness.

“Me? Are you serious? I’m your favorite member now? Are you sure you’re not just teasing me, love?”

You nodded,Seungmin’s heart skipped a beat at your affirmation. The possessive streak in him felt satisfied, knowing that he had won your favouritism. At the same time, he was still in disbelief.

He spoke in a soft, affectionate voice, a hint of possessiveness in his tone.

“You really mean it? You really see me as your favorite member now? I don’t know what to say… I’m honored and flattered, but I also can’t help feeling a bit… possessive. You’re mine now, you know that, right?”

"I know that" You smile.. you hold his neck and whisper "I’m cold let’s get out"

Seungmin chuckled softly as you held his neck, whispering to him that you were cold and wanted to get out. He found your clinginess endearing, and the possessiveness in him stirred again as he felt your touch and heard your words.

He spoke in a warm, playfully authoritative tone, his voice filled with affection and a hint of possessiveness.

“Ah, I see you’re feeling cold again. You’re always in need of my warmth, aren’t you, love? Let’s get out, then. Can’t have you freezing on me.”

He started walking with you in his arms, heading towards the exit. His protective instincts kicked in as he held you snugly against him, making sure to keep you warm and shielded from the cold.

As he walked, he whispered in your ear, his voice filled with a mix of affection and possessiveness.

“You’re safe now, love. I’ve got you. Nobody else can make you feel warm like I can. You’re mine and mine alone. Just lean on me.”

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before pulling away reluctantly. He was loathe to leave your side, even for a moment, but he knew he needed to find something to wear.

He spoke in a playful yet reassuring tone, his voice filled with a hint of mock drama.

“Don’t miss me too much now. I’ll be right back, love. I promise I won’t be long. Just wait for me, okay?”

With that, he reluctantly released his grip on you and began searching for some clothes nearby. His eyes scanned the surroundings, looking for anything that could serve as suitable attire for the night. You look at him with so much love

“Found some suitable clothes for the night, love. Don’t worry, I made sure to avoid any bras in there, just like you requested. Easy access, as you said.”

He closed the drawer, holding the clothes in his hand, and walked back towards you, a small smirk on his face. “how about you? Your clothes in the third drawer” he knows, the third drawer is specifically for him

He smirked and spoke in a soft, yet possessive tone, his voice filled with a hint of anticipation. ���i know that and got my clothes for the night, love. Just the way you wanted, eh?”

He closed the distance between you and him, standing before you with a mix of playfulness and possessiveness in his eyes.

“Ready to get back into bed, love? I’ve got my clothes now, and I’m all warmed up thanks to you. Let’s get cozy and snuggle up close, like we always do.”

“Yes please” you pull him to you, Seungmin smiled affectionately at your eagerness to snuggle up with him

He loved how you always welcomed his closeness, and it made him feel even closer to you.

“Of course, love. Let’s get back into bed now. I want to hold you close and feel your warmth against me. Let’s get cozy and warm together.”

He held your hand gently, leading you back towards the bed. He climbed into the bed and patted the space next to him, signaling for you to come join him.

As you snuggled up next to him, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer and cuddling you close to his bare chest. He spoke in a soft, affectionate tone, his voice filled with a hint of contentment and possessiveness.

“There we go. Much better. I have you in my arms again, where you belong. I love holding you like this, love.”

He gently nuzzled his nose against your hair, inhaling your scent and feeling a sense of comfort and famillarity.

“You smell amazing, love. I could just stay like this forever, holding you in my arms and breathing you in. You’re so warm and soft against me. I could never get enough of this.”

“I use your hair essential oil” as you snuggle closer to him

Seungmin smiled, recognizing the scent of his favorite hair essential oil still lingering on you. He chuckled softly and spoke in a soft, appreciative tone, his voice filled with affection.

“Ah, you’re using my favorite hair essential oil again, huh? That’s why you smell so amazing. It’s like you’re wrapped in my scent, even when I’m not around. I love it.”

He snuggled closer to you, nuzzling his face against your neck and taking in a deep breath of your scent.

“You know, I could recognize your scent from miles away. It’s so unique and special to me. I’ll never get tired of it, especially when it’s mixed with my favorite scent.”

He began to gently trail kisses along your neck, his lips caressing your skin with tenderness and affection.

“I could lose myself in your scent, love. It’s like a drug to me, addictive and intoxicating. And when you smelli like my favorite essential oil, it just makes it even harder to resist you.”

“It’s tickle love” Seungmin realized your neck was ticklish from his kisses and started to chuckle softly.

He spoke in a playful tone, his voice filled with mild amusement.

“Ah, are you ticklish here, love? I didn’t mean to tickle you. But it’s cute, you know, how sensitive your neck is to my kisses.”

He continued peppering soft, light kisses along your neck, his lips gently brushing against your skin, taking care not to tickle you too much.

“I’ll be more careful, love. I don’t want to make you too ticklish. But I just can’t resist kissing your neck, it’s so inviting and sensitive.”

He planted a lingering kiss on your neck, his lips lingering on your skin for a few moments, before pulling away ever so slightly.

“You know, I could never tire of kissing your neck, love. It’s like a canvas, a canvas just waiting for me to mark and claim.” He spoke in a soft, yet possessive tone, his voice filled with a hint of possessiveness and desire.

“I want to leave my mark on your neck, love. I want to claim you as mine, and make it abundantly clear that you belong to me and me only.” He continue

“Do it” Seungmin chuckled at your insistence for him to leave his mark on your neck, his possessive side stirring again. He spoke in a soft, yet authoritative tone, his voice filled with a hint of playfulness.

“Oh, you want me to do it, love? You really want me to mark you as my own, huh? Well, who am I to refuse a request like that?”

He gently tilted your head to the side, giving him better access to your neck. He began to gentiy kiss and nibble on your skin, his lips moving along your neck in a slow, deliberate manner.

As he marked your neck, he spoke between kisses, his voice filled with possessiveness and desire.

“You’re mine, love. Remember that. This mark on your neck is proof of that. You belong to me and me only.”

“I know” You smile widely

Seungmin smiled as you acknowledged your belonging to him, the possessive side of him greatly enjoying your affirmation.

He continued marking your neck, his teeth gently nipping at your skin, his lips gently sucking and biting, leaving a trail of hickeys along your neck.

As he marked you, he spoke in a soft, yet authoritative tone, his voice filled with a hint of possessiveness and ownership.

“That’s right, love. Remember that you belong to me. Your body, your mind, your heart – they are all mine. No one else has the right to touch you like this.”

“ I love you seungmin, love you sooo much” you pull his face softly, and kiss his lip..” let’s sleep okey” seungmin chuckle.. “love you too, y/n. Let’s sleep “ seungmin kiss your forehead

As the minutes ticked by, seungmin could feel his own eyelids growing heavier, the combination of exhaustion and the soothing rhythm of your breaths making it increasingly difficult to stay awake. But still, he refused to let himself fully slip into sleep, his possessive nature adamant that he remain vigilant and protect you, even in your most vulnerable state.

And seungmin finally drift off sleep, It took some time, but eventually, exhaustion overcame Seungmin, and he surrendered to the pull of sleep. His grip on you loosened ever so slightly, his arms still encircling you protectively, even in his rest.

His face relaxed, the tension draining away as he slumbered, the lines on his forehead softening and his expression growing peaceful.

In his sleep, he instinctively pulled you closer to him, his subconscious seeking your warmth and presence, even in his state of unconsciousness.

He subconsciously nuzzled his face against your hair, his breath warm on your skin.

The steady rhythm of his breathing filled the room, the sound of his soft, even breaths creating a soothing white noise. Every now and then, he would make a soft, content sound in his sleep, as if dreaming pleasantiy, his body completely relaxed and at ease as he held you close.

The hours ticked by, and still, Seungmin slept on, his hold on you

The room was quiet save for the sound of his soft breathing, a comforting rhythm that filled the space. The tranquility was only broken by the occasional shift or murmur from Seungmin, as he snuggled even closer to

You in his sleep. His arms unconsciously tightening around you.

What do you think guys, this one really take me for days to complete it.

Sorry for wrong title in poster.. i put the wrong one and can't change it.. so yeay..

Want to read more you can go to my MASTERLIST

If you have any idea, tell me

[writingforstraykids]

Since I promised to not leave you bored this weekend and next week, and because I still feel like a pest, I'll send my suggestions here.

1. Vampires. No, don't you dare close this window! You revived my brain worms for this AU, it's only fair I give some to you. Maybe with Chan. Probably with Chan. Unless you get a spicy idea, uh, then not with Chan. Just please, write something in this AU. Can be where both members are vampires or one is a human (or something else, who knows), I don't care. I just need to read some vampire stuff in your style, you don't understand. I'll even act cute in return, I'm not below it, please-

2. Don't remember if I've suggested something in the Hybrid AU before, but before you get weirded out or start crying, I only want the fluffiness it can give to a story. Okay you probably knew that since it's me we're talking about, but still. I can never be too sure. Either way, how about some bunny or cat hybrid Minho who is absolutely adored and cared for by someone else? (Knowing you, it will be Chan, haha.) He needs some love now and we both know why.

3. Since I'm on an AU roll, might as well suggest another one where Felix is a mermaid! Don't care who you pair him up with, I'll completely leave it up to you so you'll have some freedom too. But think about the story. He could have found a pretty human he was enamoured by (maybe he likes pretty/shiny things and collects them, even decorates his body with them?) OR he found another pretty mythical creature. Maybe a mermaid, maybe a siren (who is their predator so that creates complications). Lots of possibilities :)

4. Lastly, to not give you an aneurysm, I'll give you a normal suggestion. MinChan where Chan is an absolute sweetheart to Minho, who worries over a comeback and nearly overworks himself? We both know why I suggested it.

If you mention hospitals even once consider my offer to act cute nullified. This is a threat.

Have fun.

ohhh I love them, hehe thank you, dear!! Sooo let's do a poll on what I should start with?👀😇🖤🖤

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist (Please let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist):

@zehina @jinnie-ret @slutforchanlix @atinyniki @galaxycatdrawz @silverstarburst @aaa-sia @lilmisssona @kthstrawberryshortcake @channieaddict @soullostinspaceandtime @rebecca-johnson-28 @lixie-phoria @kibs-and-bits @xxstrayland @ihrtlix @pheonixfire777 @mellhwang @palindrome969 @theo4eve @harshaaaaa @rylea08 @heeyboooo @manuosorioh @gisaerlleri @andassortedkpop @lailac13 @bbokari711 @kazuuuaaa @rssamj @wolfyychan @stellasays45 @chrizzztopherbang @ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal @silentreadersthings @myforevermelody143 @sapphirewaves @minh0scat @dis-trict9 @queer-possum @james-is-here

[seungmonggg]

Juliaaa! I have another request for youuu 🥰🏃🏻‍♀️💨💨

I was wondering how toxic relationship with skz members would like. Perhaps a fic where y/n and chan can't help but always going back to e/o although they both know that it's not healthy??

Thankies!

🧠

LOSE MY NUMBER #! {Bang Chan x Reader}

hii 🧠-anon!!! ik i just responded to your other message but i somehow got so inspired by your idea hehe :3.

i really hope you'll like this!

WARNINGS: swearing, overall toxic behaviour from both sides, probs some typos, Channie is a real asshole in this one!

[moonchild9350]

could never say no to him and his sweet face. But hey seeing him grovel for forgiveness wouldn’t be a bad thing 😏

Disagreements

Hyunjin x fem!reader

Warnings: kisses? Other than that, nothing!

Genre: established relationship, fluff, angst

Summary: Hyunjin misses an event important to you, and an argument ensues. He says something he didn't mean, and he'd do anything for your forgiveness!

You stormed into the apartment, throwing your bag on the kitchen counter. The door shut behind you with an audible thud, and you heard Hyunjin sigh before he opened it and stepped inside. 

“Baby, I said I was sorry!” he exclaimed, his voice tinged with a mix of frustration and desperation.

“Hyunjin, do you even know what you’re apologizing for?” you snapped, crossing your arms and glaring at him. 

“For -” He gestured vaguely at the air between you, eyes darting everywhere but your face. “For not being there?”

“You stood me up, Hyunjin! You missed a work event I’ve been talking about for months - one I explicitly told you was important to me!” Your voice cracked, and you hated yourself for it. “It wasn’t just any event - it was my event, and you didn’t show.”

Hyunjin’s shoulders slumped, his hand running through his hair in a frantic motion.

“I didn’t mean to, okay? I thought my shoot would -”

“Your shoot? Oh my God, why is everything literally about you all the fucking time?! You couldn't have made it work, for just once?!” Your anger boiled over. “Do you have any idea how…of course you wouldn't, because I am always there. I never leave you hanging. And you just take me for granted-”

He winced, his lips parting to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, he scratched the back of his neck, eyes darting around like he was searching for a hidden escape hatch.

Hyunjin usually got away with everything. He was so used to being babied by you that this sudden outburst was scaring the hell out of him. And he really didn't have an idea how to work with it. 

“God, you’re impossible,” you muttered, turning away. “You don't even try, do you?”

Hyunjin stiffened. Because now that wasn't true. He tried. He really did.

“Is that what you think?” His words rushed out so fast, he couldn’t stop. “You really think i don't try? Oh my God! How could you say that?!”

“You proved me right, Hyunjin!”

“Babe, this was one time -”

“It's literally always-”

“If that's how you feel then maybe you should just  break up with me.”

You froze, a tear trickling down your cheek. And the silence was suffocating.

Hyunjin blinked, looking absolutely shocked. His eyes went wide as if he had only just registered what he said.

“No, wait, no -” His voice cracked. “That’s not - oh my God, I didn’t mean -”

And the sight of you staring at him with wide, tear-filled eyes - your lower lip trembling - killed him. 

You said nothing. Nothing. And that? That was Hyunjin’s undoing.

“Oh my God,” he gasped, his face contorting as he covered his mouth with both hands. “Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.”

A sound escaped him, a weird mix between a sob and a wail, and before you could blink, he launched himself at you, wrapping you in his arms so tightly your face collided with his chest.

“I’m sorry!” he bawled, voice muffled against your hair. “I didn’t mean it - I swear I didn’t mean it. I’m such an idiot! Oh my God, baby please don't hate me! You’re perfect, and oh shit, this is a disaster -”

“Hyunjin -” you tried, voice muffled by his shirt.

“God, I hate myself!” he cried, pulling you even closer. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I said break up?! Who says that? Who even thinks that?”

His sobs grew louder, chest heaving against yours as he clutched you like you might disappear any moment.

“Hyunjin -” You sighed, hands moving to rub slow circles on his back. "Breathe, baby."

“I'm such a horrible person” he wailed, lifting his head to look at you with tear-soaked eyes. “You’re comforting me when I’m the one who hurt you! Why are you so nice?!”

You stared at him - this gorgeous, ridiculous golden retriever of a man standing in your kitchen and sobbing  - and you couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up from your chest. It burst out of you, uncontrollable, even as tears welled in your eyes again.

Hyunjin froze, his brows furrowing.

"Are you laughing at me?” he asked, sniffing because his nose was running from all the crying. 

“You're such an idiot!” you wheezed, clinging to his shoulders for balance.

“That’s not fair,” he whined, pouting as his bottom lip jutted out dramatically. ���You’re supposed to be mad at me. I deserve it.”

“I was mad at you,” you said, calming enough to meet his gaze. “But then you just…baby stop crying, please, ‘cos now I don’t know whether to kiss you or roll my eyes forever.”

“Can you do both?” He sniffled, his pout softening into the faintest of smiles.

You reached up, cupping his tear-streaked face as you said, “You’re lucky I love you, you big baby.”

And before he could respond, you pulled him down, kissing him firmly enough to silence whatever self-deprecating comment was surely on the tip of his tongue.

When you pulled back, he gazed at you, eyes shining like you’d just handed him the moon.

“You hurt me, Jinnie, so yeah, you're still in trouble,” you said, arching a brow. “But maybe I’ll forgive you. Eventually.”

He beamed through his tears.

“Eventually sounds pretty sexy to me.” he said with a shrug. 

“Don’t push your luck, Hwang.”

Hyunjin watched you closely as you got ready for bed. You can literally hear the gears turning in his head. 

Hyunjin’s grin widened as your eyes met, the sparkle in his eyes returning with alarming speed. You climbed into bed narrowing your eyes because you just knew that this menace wasn't going to leave you alone till this whole fight was out of the way. 

Hyunjin couldn't sleep through a conflict. You loved that about him, because any disagreement was sorted by bedtime and your home was so damn peaceful because of this one thing. 

“So…you said eventually?” He asked as you settled on your side of the bed.

“I did-”

“So, if I kiss you a few more times -”

“If you think your soggy kisses are -” You didn't finish that sentence because he obviously attacked you right there. 

“ - say, here” He leaned in, brushing his lips against the corner of your mouth. “and maybe here-”

His lips skimmed the edge of your jaw, lingering just enough to make you shiver

“Do I speed up the timeline?” he asked, and you really wanted to smack him across his gorgeous face. Oh you did. But also, you wanted to grab that very face and kiss him senseless. 

So you bit back the smirk that was threatening to show up, tilting your head ever so slightly.

“Do you think flattery is going to work on me right now?” you asked. 

“Not flattery, babe. Strategy.” His voice dipped into that low, teasing tone he knew you couldn’t resist, and his hands slid down to your waist, pulling you closer until your bodies were pressed together. 

You narrowed your eyes again, ignoring the way your pulse quickened.

“Hyunjin, seriously, your seduction strategy is just bullshit.”

His laughter rumbled against your chest.

“Okay, first of all, I personally think it's working just fine. And second, you’re dodging the question. Do I get forgiven faster if I make you feel like the goddess you are?”

His lips were already moving again, trailing slow, deliberate kisses down the side of your neck.

You tried, really tried, to maintain your composure, but his mouth found that spot just below your ear, and a traitorous little gasp escaped you. 

“Jinnie -”

“Mmh?” He hummed innocently, his breath warm against your skin. His hands roamed lazily up your back, sliding under your shirt. “You were saying?”

“I was saying -” You inhaled sharply when his teeth grazed your earlobe. “You’re not getting off that easily.”

“Oh, trust me, I wouldn’t dream of getting off easily.” he chuckled, his lips curving into a devilish smirk. “But I can definitely make this more interesting.”

Leaning down, he nuzzles your nose like the puppy he was.

“I'm so sorry, angel. I tried. I really did. Even Chan hyung did. But some things are just not up to me…I hate that, and I know you don't deserve it. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” he said, his voice soft. 

“I know baby…I know,” you whispered, your fingers tangling in the fabric of his shirt. “And you're  already working on it, so-”

“And how am I doing?” He tilted his head, eyes twinkling. 

“You’re at a solid…” You pretended to think. “…six out of ten.”

“Six?!” His jaw dropped in mock offense. “After all that neck kissing? I’m hurt.” 

You shrugged, biting back a grin. “Step it up, Hyunjinnie.”

“Oh, you asked for this,” he growled playfully, rolling you over so that you were under him in a second. You yelped, holding onto his shoulder tight. 

He hovered over you, his hair falling into his face and his grin as wicked as ever. 

“Ready to upgrade me to a ten?” he murmured, lips brushing against yours. “Because I'm going to grovel. And you're gonna wish I didn't.”

You laughed, looping your arms around his neck.

“Oh groveling sounds good.”

“Oh, baby,” he purred, closing the gap between you. “Challenge accepted.”

Divider: @saradika-graphics

Tags: @moonchild9350 @velvetmoonlght @eastjonowhere @pixie-felix @sailor--sun @chancloud8 @captainchrisstan @hansmic

[chahnniesroom]

night again

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in hindsight, visiting chan's studio right before a comeback isn't one of your best ideas. what was supposed to be a pleasant surprise leaves you spiraling into self-doubt, wondering if chan even wants to be in a relationship with you at all.

word count: 6.4k

tags/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, insecurities, reader not eating due to stress

a/n: the long awaited 'he calls you clingy' fic! title is from the english translation of 또 다시 밤 (twilight)

read it on ao3 | masterlist

You love your job. It's challenging for sure and the expectations from upper management are often unforgiving, but you’re proud of how hard you've worked and everything that you've accomplished in the past few years at your company. 

As you've gained experience, you've slowly been given more and more responsibility. You've grown out of your junior role and though you're thrilled by the pay raise and prospect of being a team lead rather than being led by one, it's also daunting.

When you and your new team are assigned an important project with tight deadlines, you're determined to prove yourself. It's implied that you're going to have to have to dedicate a significant amount of time to finish it and while you're no stranger to long hours, it means that any plans you have of seeing your boyfriend, Chan, are out the window.

The timing is not terrible, Stray Kids has a comeback scheduled in about a week so you didn't think that you would be able to spend that much time with Chan anyway, but you usually try to surprise the boys at one of the music shows with a cake and some home cooked food.

Luckily, you've already been planning for this. Although nothing had been confirmed, you had expected that this project would be awarded to your company and you've already been trying to spend more time with Chan than usual in preparation for the busy season ahead for both of you.

Still, you can't help but agree with your best friend at work after she complains how little she's going to see her partner this month. Jinjoo doesn't know who your boyfriend is, but the two of you are close enough that you’ve shared that you have one and that work takes up a lot of his time. You've gushed to her about the sweet things that Chan has done for you and you've admitted that you think he's the one.

“You should bring him dinner sometime!” she exclaims when you mention you're not sure when the next time you'll be able to see Chan will be.

“Well, he’s really busy-” you start to say.

“That’s the beauty of it. I’m sure he would appreciate if you brought him food at work, especially if he’s anything like my partner and gets so caught up with work that they forget to eat sometimes,” she insists.

“That’s true.”

“Just trust me, Y/n. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I wasn’t sure that it’d work. My partner loves when I do this. It’s literally the perfect way to take some time for each other before you’re both too busy. Even if he's super busy, his work can't be bad enough that he’s not allowed to eat, right?”

You agree somewhat reluctantly. You're still unsure about whether or not Chan would appreciate you barging in unannounced, but it is a cute idea and Jinjoo's confidence is enough to convince you.

The next day after work, you head to the company and order takeout for a late dinner for you and Chan, picking it up along the way. It reminds you of earlier in your relationship before you had gotten your current position and when Stray Kids were just gaining popularity. Both of you enjoyed having more casual date nights that provided more privacy as opposed to going out to fancy places and it makes you even more excited to see his reaction.

About a year after you started dating Chan, he insisted that you get a pass to get into JYP Entertainment without having to fill out a visitor's form and have someone pick you up. It has definitely come in handy more than a few times, although you try to limit the number of visits you make. Even though you're allowed to be there, it still feels intimidating to be in the building, like someone is going to recognize that you're not an employee and accuse you of being a sasaeng.

Luckily the late hour means that you make it to Chan's studio without having to interact with anybody except the security at the door, who had waved you through without a second thought. You had double checked with Felix earlier in the day to make sure that Chan didn't have any schedules or dinner plans, so you directly knock on his door without texting or calling him beforehand. 

“Y/n?” he asks, a bit baffled when he sees you. “Did we- Did I forget that we had plans tonight?”

“No,” you say, a little nervous for some reason. It's just Chan, you tell yourself, but it doesn't make you feel any better. “I didn't think that you had dinner yet and wanted to see you.”

“Oh, I see. Come in,” Chan responds slowly, still processing your sudden appearance. “I just have something that I need to finish up-”

“It's fine! You can work,” you assure him quickly. “I don't want to interrupt you too much, I just wanted to drop by since I don't have plans and wanted to make sure that you're eating well.”

Chan’s studio isn’t messy at all, but he still gets up to clear some space on a side table for you, before returning back to where he has Cubase opened up. You pass over his food and feel relieved when he immediately digs in, but your appetite seems to have vanished, you can only get yourself to pick at your meal.

Chan is short with his responses all evening and continues to work on his laptop, even while eating. It throws you off a bit, you thought that he would be able to get to a stopping point and at least make a bit of time for you, but you did tell him that he could. Even so, you're determined to make the most of the last time that you’re going to see them for a while. You know they’ve been super busy the past few days, or more like the past few weeks, but still you had thought he would be a little bit more engaged or at the very least seem happy to see you.

Finally, after half an hour of eating with minimal conversation, you decide to broach the subject that’s been on your mind this entire time. Chan’s finished his food and you know that you won’t be able to get yourself to eat anymore, so you shuffle everything off to the side and inch closer to Chan. 

“You know that client we’ve been trying to work with for a while?” you start tentatively.

Chan hums noncommittally, continuing to type on his computer. Not quite the reaction that you're hoping for, but you forge on anyway.

“We got awarded the job! It’s a great opportunity for the company and everyone is really excited, but-”

“Y/n,” he interrupts. “I’m sorry, that’s amazing and all, but you know that it’s not a good time for me right now. I have something I really need to work on and now that you’ve finished eating, can we please not bother with the small talk?”

“Oh,” you say, a bit caught off guard. Chan has never been the type to cut you off when you're speaking. “No, yeah, I get it. Uhm. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, just-” he sighs, sounding frustrated. “Next time can you please ask me when you want to visit in advance so this doesn’t happen again? You chose the worst timing to come by. I just need some space, from all of… this,” he says, waving a hand between the two of you.

“Sorry, I know it’s a busy time, but I just wanted to see-”

At that moment, an alarm on Chan's phone goes off, interrupting you. When he turns it off and notices the time, he swears lowly, unlocking his phone and typing out a message to somebody. You’re scared to break the silence. Less than a minute later, someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” Chan calls. When Changbin and Jisung step into the room, they eye you curiously. You keep your head down and try to prevent your hands from shaking as you stand and start to haphazardly shove away all your belongings and the garbage from your dinner into bags. 

“Noona, it's good to see you!” Jisung says brightly, although his smile dims when you make eye contact and can only manage to weakly return the smile. “Sorry for interrupting you two.”

“Hi Hannie,” you reply quietly, not wanting to make conversation, but not wanting to be rude.

“It’s okay, Y/n was just leaving,” Chan says, his obvious annoyance making things even more awkward.

You say bye to the boys quietly and apologise as you shuffle past them to the door.

The handles of the bag from your dinner are digging into your hand painfully and your purse can’t close with the way that you’ve thrown everything into it. You only take a few steps before you have to stop for a moment to save a container from falling and decide to put down everything and reorganise it all.

When you crouch down, you take a second to mentally berate yourself. Everything you had worried about had come true. Instead of being a pleasant surprise, you had come across as a nuisance.

In your rush, you hadn't fully closed the studio door behind you and you're close enough that you can just barely pick up the conversation that happens inside.

“Sorry,” you hear Chan say faintly. “I don't know what's been going on, but Y/n has been… really clingy these days. She just showed up today without asking and I hate-”

You leave before he has the chance to say anything else. You look like a mess for sure, you had just grabbed all the empty containers without bothering to put them back into the plastic bag, your jacket is partially dragging on the ground, and your purse is hanging off your elbow, having slipped off your shoulder. You're pretty sure you hear an empty drink bottle clatter to the floor behind you, but you don't look back to check.

You don't have it in you to care, you just need to leave.

Even waiting for the elevator feels humiliating, so you bypass it and stumble down the stairs. You dump the garbage into a bin on the first floor, not bothering to sort it properly, and step out onto the street, bee-lining to the nearest subway station.

The ride home passes by in a blur.

It hurts, of course it hurts. 

Honestly the reason that your relationship had worked out so far was because you weren’t the kind of person that needed a lot of attention. You understood that both of you were busy and were content to just exchange messages every couple of days because you knew how important Stray Kids was to Chan. Of course you did, they were just as important to you.

If Chan wanted space, well. You were more than capable of giving it to him.

In fact, your upcoming schedule had been the reason that you had wanted to meet up in the first place, the source of your so-called clinginess. You’d never been called that before. You were hyper-independent and tended to get lost in your own mind, easily distracted by different thoughts. It had gotten to a point that most of your exes had complained at least once about you being distant or inattentive.

With Chan, you had been determined not to be the same. It had been difficult at first, to make the effort to send messages throughout the day. You had to convince yourself not to spend too long drafting replies in your head and try not to worry that you were bothering him, especially if you knew that he had schedules at the same time that you were texting.

By the time that you make it to your apartment, your pain has faded into a mixture of resignation and numbness. You don't want to talk to Chan about how you feel, it's your clinginess that he didn't like in the first place, and you don't think you'll have time or the energy for a long, emotional conversation in the next few weeks anyway. If you keep your distance for a while, it just benefits both of you, you tell yourself. You won’t be a distraction to Chan as Stray Kids has their comeback and he won’t be one to you as you take on this new project. 

As much as you want to spend the rest of your night overthinking- something you’ve done more than you’d like to admit- you know that you have a busy day at work tomorrow. Feeling a bit like a zombie, you force yourself to shuffle through your usual nighttime routine, swallowing a melatonin pill before climbing into bed.

Normally, you would send Chan a good night message. Actually, normally you would have sent him a message the second that you arrived home. It was something that he was insistent on starting from early on in your relationship, wanting to make sure that you were safe.

Tonight, you just turn off your phone, plug it into its charger, and sleep.

—

In the morning, you allow yourself to wallow in bed for 5 minutes, before you get ready for work. You’ve never been good at eating breakfast and today’s no exception. Your stomach turns uneasily at the thought of food so you only force yourself to drink some water before you leave.

Your team at work has agreed to get to work earlier than usual just to get a headstart on everything. Though you’re more of a night owl, you’re grateful to find that deviating from your usual routine means that the subway is empty enough that you can find an empty seat, a luxury that you’ve rarely experienced.

It feels eerie to walk through the streets of Seoul when the sun has just started to rise and you’re relieved when you finally make it to your office.

Unsurprisingly, you’re one of the first to arrive. You’re grateful for the time that you have to unpack your things and make a much needed coffee before the rest of your team shows up.

“How did it go last night?” Jinjoo asks you excitedly when she comes in.

“Uhm, it was okay,” you reply noncommittally. “He was definitely surprised.”

“Oh,” Jinjoo pouts at your lack of enthusiasm.

“I mean, it wasn’t bad,” you backtrack, hating to see her disappointed. “It was just so short, he was kind of… busy. But that’s what I expected anyway so that's fine I guess. Thanks for suggesting it to me though! I really appreciate it.”

“That’s good,” Jinjoo brightens. “At least you got to see him one last time.”

“Oh yeah for sure! I think that after seeing him yesterday, it’ll be easier to deal with how busy we’re going to be for the next few weeks,” you say truthfully. 

It’s not a lie, you justify. For the first time since you started dating, you’re not looking forward to the next time that you’re going to see Chan.

You know that your communication is about to reduce to an all time low for the next few weeks, and while you had originally been worried about how Chan would react, now you’re thinking that he’s just going to be relieved not to hear from you. You’ve never thought yourself to have been overly chatty with Chan during the day though, preferring in-person conversation over texting and knowing that he’s generally not available to read your messages anyway, much less send you a reply. It seemed that you were wrong. 

Luckily your team now has to use a shared box that you’re required to put your personal phones into during working hours and only have a little bit of time during lunch and dinner breaks, if you take them, to fish them out. It’s a policy that your company enforces when teams are working on confidential projects and you can’t blame them due to past litigation that they’ve been involved in after a former employee leaked sensitive information.

For once, you're glad for this excuse to not look at your phone, even if you feel a little bit naked to look at the side of your desk or reach into your pocket and not have your phone there. You’re relieved to bury yourself in your work and forget all about your personal life. Even though your project is just starting, you feel like you're already behind. 

When you're finished work for the day and take back your phone, you find yourself reluctant to check your notifications. It's only when you're waiting for the subway to arrive at your station that you finally force yourself to take a look.

No new messages or calls from Chan.

You’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you’re still disappointed.

You get back to your apartment late, you had wanted to finish a couple of things before you left the office and it had led to you being one of the last to leave. You had also stopped by the convenience store closest to your place, not having the energy to cook anything for yourself.

You pick at your dinner half-heartedly. You're used to eating alone, Chan often had his meals at odd times due to his schedules, but tonight the silence feels more oppressive. 

It haunts you, the tail end of the overheard conversation. You have no idea how Chan was going to complete the sentence, but your mind unhelpfully fills in the blanks with worse and worse suggestions.

He hates the timing of your visit.

He hates that you visited at all.

He hates that he has such a clingy girlfriend.

He hates that you are his clingy, annoying, bothersome girlfriend.

He hates you.

In moments of clarity, you can recognize that it's not true. That's not the Chan that you know and he would never say something like that about anybody, least of all you. It's just hard when a small part of you has never really been able to believe that someone as talented and amazing as Chan would want to date someone as unremarkable as you.

You find yourself falling into a new routine, waking early, working overtime, and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. You succeed most of the time, you keep yourself occupied by thinking about work and you're so physically exhausted by your long hours that you fall asleep the second that you get into bed. Luckily, your coworkers are just as overworked as you are and it’s easy to blame your declining condition on the project. Weekends don't help you rest at all, you've committed to your manager that you can work on Saturdays and Sundays are spent completing the chores that you've neglected during the week.

You still talk to Chan sometimes, either right when you wake up or on the way home after work. The conversation is stilted though, both because of the long delays between messages when you text and the limited time that you have when you call. It's enough of a difference that Chan asks you multiple times if everything is okay. Even though you try your best to assure him that you're fine, just busy, you're sure he knows that something is off, although he doesn't question you further.

Most exciting is the day that the new Stray Kids album releases. You've already heard most of the songs for this comeback, perks of dating the member that's the most involved in the writing and production of the album, but it's different now that they're available to the public too. You make sure to organise your schedule so that you're on break when the music video drops and you send a number of messages in the group chat that you have with the group cheering them on. Usually, you try to take a day off to deliver some food to them at the music shows, but you've had to settle for arranging with one of their managers to treat them to a meal.

You can tell when they get breaks because when you check your phone after work, notifications from the members are all in the same blocks of time. It's mostly them thanking you, taking pictures of the food you sent, flowers that they've been gifted, and letters from fans. They have a short promotion period this comeback, but it's packed with different interviews, performances, and fanmeets. At one point, Felix even sends you a picture of Chan sleeping slumped over on one of the waiting room couches. As much as you're relieved to see that he's able to get some rest, the picture has your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

You're proud of Chan, of all of the boys. They've worked so hard and each comeback seems to be more and more successful. Even if you're not confident in what's going to happen with you and Chan in the future, you want to celebrate with them while you still can.

—

After almost four weeks, your project is nearing completion and you've never been more grateful to have a deadline arrive.

You only have a couple more days left until your last submittal is due and after getting off work, you want nothing more than to collapse into bed even though your stomach has been growling the whole walk from the bus to your building. You had caught a significant mistake in a document right before it was going to be sent to a client and the whole afternoon had been spent trying to fix it in time. Your team had just barely managed it, but your head has been pounding for hours and your whole body is tight with stress.

You’re not quite sure how you make it to your apartment, your exhaustion has made you clumsy. You struggle a couple times to enter in the code to unlock your door and trip over a pair of shoes that are scattered in the entryway.

You manage to catch yourself before you fall, then squint back. Yes, you haven’t had the chance to tidy your apartment in a couple weeks, but you’ve never been the type to leave your shoes on the walking path.

A light is on, further in your apartment. You know for a fact it wasn’t like that when you left this morning, it would have been obvious since you've been leaving before the sun rises. Someone else is here.

You stare at the light for a few seconds in disbelief, then slowly reach to grab something, anything that you might be able to use to defend yourself. Your shaking hands close around a full sized umbrella that you keep beside your closet. 

You’ve already made enough commotion that there’s no way the intruder didn’t hear, but you try to keep your footsteps light as you creep down the hall to where your kitchen is. It’s stupid to try and confront them, but the idea of someone in your space, potentially taking your things, is enough to inspire a sudden bout of bravery.

You hold your breath as you turn the corner, launching forward to attack the second that you see someone. You recognise the figure halfway through your swing, and though it’s too late to fully stop, you manage to pull back enough that they’re able to easily catch the umbrella before it hits them.

Chan wraps his arms around you then eases the umbrella out of your hands, resting it against the wall. You sag into his embrace, adrenaline draining away, leaving you exhausted again. 

“Chan?”

You've missed this. His warmth, his comforting scent, the reassuring steadiness that he always provides. You can almost pretend that everything is fine.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he says, sounding more amused than apologetic.

“You should be,” you grumble into his shirt. “I could have seriously injured you if I didn't realise it was you!”

“I don't think that was going to be a problem.” Even though you can't see Chan, you can hear the grin in his voice.

“Hey!” You lightly smack his arm. “You take that back!”

“Fine, fine,” Chan acquiesces, holding up both his hands in surrender. “I'm very glad that I didn't have to experience the full power of your self defence.”

“Yeah yeah,” you huff. “What are you doing here anyway? Other than trying to give me a heart attack, that is.”

“I made you dinner,” Chan says shyly, turning pink.

“For what?” you ask suspiciously. It's easy to fall back into the banter that you typically exchange with Chan, but you can't help but be a bit wary these days.

“No reason. I uh, just haven't seen you in a while,” Chan says sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck where it’s now flushed red. “We had so much preparation to do and then all our schedules… Anyway, I wanted to surprise you, so I thought I could cook for us.”

Now that he's mentioned it, you can see that he's set your tiny kitchen table and that there's a couple of pots on the stove. Chan doesn’t cook often, but he’s expressed a desire to learn before and you’ve taught him how to make a few of your favourite recipes.

You stare at him for a moment, lost for words.

It's only been a few weeks, but you feel like you've forgotten how to act around Chan. Instead of a comfortable silence, it's almost awkward, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Oh,” you say finally, touched and still a little shocked that he's actually here. “That's- that's so nice, I just- is it okay if I wash up a bit quickly first?”

“No, yeah, of course. I'm sure you had a long day,” Chan says. “Go ahead, I’ll- the food should be reheated anyway so I’ll get on that. Take your time.”

You skirt around him to go to the bathroom, taking a moment to splash yourself with water. This feels like a bizarre dream and you wonder for a moment if you’re making this all up. But when you leave to go to your bedroom, Chan’s still there, puttering around in front of your kitchenette. You change your clothes slowly, mind racing as you try to puzzle together why Chan has decided to visit all of a sudden.

You eventually settle on the most logical reason that you can think of.

He’s finally decided to break up with you.

You’ve figured that this was coming for weeks by now, but somehow it still hurts. Instead of feeling resigned, it feels like you’re shattering into little pieces. You twist your work blouse into a tiny ball as you try not to cry, even though you know the fabric is going to wrinkle terribly. You finish cleaning up in a daze, already drafting what you're going to have to message your manager later. There's no way that you're going to be in any shape to work tomorrow if you’re right.

“Y/n?” Chan calls eventually. You know you're procrastinating leaving your room, but you want to put this off for as long as possible even though you know it’s just delaying the inevitable. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a heavy heart. “I’m fine. I'll just be another second.”

You can tell that Chan doesn’t quite believe you. He hovers around you when you emerge from your bedroom, knocking away your hand when you try to pull out your own chair from the table.

He's set the table, going so far as to fold little napkins under your utensils. There's even a tiny vase with your favourite flowers as a centrepiece. All this effort just hurts more.

“You look exhausted. You got home so late. Where were you?” he asks.

“I was at work,” you reply stiffly. You know that if you try and say any more, your emotions are going to spill over and you're either going to scream or cry. Maybe both.

“So late?” Chan's forehead creases with some sort of emotion. You can't quite tell if it's concern or scepticism.

“You're not the only one that has a demanding job.”

“Y/n, you know that's not what I meant-”

“Sure,” you say. “Whatever, let's just eat. Thank you for the food.”

You don't want to deal with this. You're so tired.

You have no idea why Chan’s dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Why he’s forcing you to sit through a meal with him like he’s not about to break your heart. Chan is one of the kindest people you know, he’s probably trying to make this easier for you, giving you one last nice memory, but it just feels cruel.

Chan reaches out, stopping you before you can pick up your chopsticks. He stares at the way his fingers overlap each other around your wrist.

“You’ve lost weight,” he says quietly. You look away, watching steam curl from the bowl of rice that has been set in front of you instead of returning eye contact.

“I’ve been busy.” Is all you can say in response. 

You don’t want to tell him that you’ve been basically subsisting on iced americanos and various convenience store meals in part because of your work schedule, but mostly because of your lack of appetite. Every time you thought of Chan, it made your stomach turn and well, everything reminded you of him. You hadn’t realised how much it had actually affected your physical condition until now though.

“You're not taking care of yourself,” he scolds you. You can feel yourself bristle at his comment even though you know it’s true. “I haven't been around to take care of you either. I'm sorry.”

“Chan,” you protest. It has been weeks since you last saw him in person and you’ve spent more time that you’d like to admit micro analysing your relationship, but you still can’t make sense of his behaviour, especially how he keeps switching between criticism and tenderness.

“What?” he asks in genuine confusion.

“Why are you here?”

“I missed you,” Chan says, sounding hurt and confused. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I just- I don’t understand what you want from me!” You run your hands through your hair in frustration. “One day you don’t want me around, we go weeks without seeing each other, then you’re at my place cooking me dinner? You said you needed space, I gave you space."

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean I don’t want you around?” Chan asks, alarmed. “When have I ever said that?”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t appreciate it when I went to bring you dinner that day,” you start.

“No, baby!” Chan stands up abruptly before you can say anything else. He falters when the loud scrape of his chair causes you to flinch back. He slowly walks towards you and kneels in front of you, reaching out to hold your hands in his. His eyes are wide with earnestness. “Of course I wanted to spend time with you. I always want to be with you.”

“So why did you call me clingy?” you ask in a small voice. Gone is your anger, replaced with a self-consciousness that you can’t hide. You look away as tears prickle your eyes.

Gently, Chan lets go of your hands and cups your cheeks instead, turning your face so that he can see you better. His thumbs swipe under your eyes, brushing away the tears that have managed to escape.

“Baby,” he says, sounding even more upset and angry than you feel. “I'm sorry. Did someone tell you I said that?”

“Nobody had to tell me, I heard you say it myself!” you burst out, pushing Chan away. You know that you’re being dramatic, that you keep oscillating between different emotions, but you don’t care. “That day, in your studio, you told Han and Changbin that I was really clingy.”

“You heard me talking to Binnie and Hannie?” Chan asks slowly.

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sniffle. One of Chan's hands shifts and he carefully tucks behind a lock of hair that has fallen in front of your face. The gentleness makes even more tears well up.

“It's okay, I think I know what you overheard now. It must have hurt, right?”

You can't muster up a response, choosing instead to just nod slightly.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” he soothes you. “Can I explain myself?”

You pause for a moment, then slowly nod again.

“I don't mind that you're clingy, actually, I like it. I shouldn't have used that word. I like that you want to spend time with me, Y/n,” Chan says carefully. “I like that you take time to visit me, even though I know that your work is busy too. I think that it's cute and thoughtful that you think of me and try to take care of me by bringing me food. I know that you intentionally take the time out of your day to text me because you know that I like hearing from you, even though I might not see it or respond right away.”

Chan pauses for a second and you use it as an opportunity to pull away slightly. His hands tighten briefly, before he lets them fall away, giving you the space to process.

It's not that you don't like what Chan is saying, it's just hard to reconcile it with the thoughts that have been eating away at you for the past few weeks. You still don't understand what you overheard though, how it fits into all of this. When you voice your concerns to Chan, he sighs, before continuing to speak.

“I don't know what I did to have someone as caring and thoughtful as you in my life.” You want to protest, but Chan carries on before you can say anything. “It's just that- you visited me without notice and were the sweetest person in the world. I wanted to spend time with you, believe me, I did, but I can't just ignore my deadlines when the rest of the members are relying on me. It makes me feel like garbage when I can’t give you all my attention. That's the thing I hate the most. That I can't be the boyfriend that you deserve. That I can't show you how much you mean to me the way that I want to.”

It makes sense, in some sort of twisted way. You know that similarly to you, Chan often feels insecure. It had taken a while before you had been able to convince him that you really did want to be in a relationship with him even with all of the difficulties that were associated with being an idol. You hadn't realised that your visit had fed into his worries that he wasn’t enough.

“I didn't know,” you say quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey, I didn't tell you how I was feeling and that's on me. I’m the one that’s sorry, you have no reason to be. I should have been clearer about what was going through my mind and it wasn't any excuse for the way that spoke to you. Even if I wasn't at my best, I can't believe that I made you feel like I didn't want you to be around.” Chan shakes his head and you can tell that he's beating himself up about it. This time, you're the one that reaches out to him, grabbing one of his hands in both of yours.

“I am sorry that I put you into that position, though. I got caught up in the idea of how fun and romantic it might be, that I didn't give enough consideration to your schedule. Even though I wanted to surprise you, it would have been better to check with you beforehand. I don't ever want you to have to feel like you have to choose between me and work.”

“It was a really nice surprise,” Chan agrees. “I wish that I hadn't been so wrapped up that I wasn't able to enjoy spending time with you. I really hated not being able to see you these past few weeks.”

“It was really hard for me too,” you admit.

“I missed you so much. I missed your beautiful voice, hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. I missed all the texts that you usually send, they make me feel like I'm not as far away, that I'm a part of your day too. You kept saying that everything was fine and- I know it's hard for you, especially during comeback periods when I'm not as responsive. I didn't want to pressure you into messaging me more often if I'm not able to do the same.”

“No, it's not that. It doesn't bother me. Work was, is still really busy for me,” you explain. “I was trying to tell you that day, but-”

“But I basically shut you down,” Chan realises. He laughs bitterly. “I’m just the worst, aren't I? No wonder you were so confused by why I was here.”

“I thought you were going to break up with me tonight,” you whisper. Chan looks devastated by your statement.

 “No- you know I wouldn't-” Chan stumbles on his words in his haste to correct you.

“I don't think that anymore,” you reassure him. “I understand everything now, it was just that we didn't communicate well and I assumed… It's okay, we're together now, this won't happen again.”

“I promise that I will make it up to you. I love you and I will prove it to you in every way possible. And I'm going to start right now. You still haven't eaten yet, please go ahead.” Chan moves back to his abandoned chair and doles out a portion of the stew from the pot that's on the table. 

“I am really hungry,” you confess. Your stomach chooses that exact moment to growl loudly and the two of you can’t help but burst into laughter. 

Just like that, it feels like things are back to normal.

You know that there's still more that you and Chan have to talk about. The two of you have only scratched the surface on your insecurities, communication, and how those things led to such a significant misunderstanding.

But tonight, it's enough that you get to share a meal with the man that you love.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Nothing I wouldn't do

pairing: handyman!chan x waitress!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, suggestive

synopsis: you and chan have been together for 3 years. he has never done anything to make you doubt his love for you, but recently you noticed him sneaking out at night...

wc: 2.4k

warnings: mentions of blood/injuries, brief descriptions of lovemaking, crying

a/n: i'm tired and preparing a really long fic so i needed a little break, hope you enjoy🫶🏻

~masterlist

Another long shift finally finished, a dull ache appeared in your feet, coursing through your legs and climbing up to your lower back.

There was a headache behind your eyelids, a constant slow pounding that almost made your vision blurry.

You felt overwhelmed, discouraged and hungry.

Today was a particularly difficult day at the restaurant you work at, exhausting you to your limits and pushing you further.

Another reason your anxiety spiked up was because you got yelled at by your manager for something that wasn't entirely your fault and you had to bite your tongue and swallow your tears like you always do.

As you stepped out into the street, the dark night enveloping you, your tired legs started taking you on the familiar path to your home.

You were barely awake as you walked, the people passing you by looked blurry and unrecognizable, you couldn't even make out their faces.

You closed your eyes for a second, but that was one second too long as you tripped on the cracked sidewalk and fell down, scraping your hands and knees in the process.

"Miss, are you alright?" someone crouched down to help you.

"Yes, yes I'm fine." you said to the stranger, your tears blurring your vision of their face.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, thank you." you tried to be polite, hoping they would back off because now you wanted to get home even faster.

You continued walking, now in more pain as the wind picked up, grazing your bleeding skin.

Tears streamed down your cheeks quietly as the sky became darker.

You picked up your pace, realizing it will soon start raining.

Arriving to your building just in time, you ran inside and up the stairs to the 6th and last floor where you and your boyfriend lived.

He was working even later than you today, so he couldn't pick you up as his work lead him across town for the time being.

Rain started pouring outside just as you managed to close the door to your apartment, smacking it into place multiple times until it finally clicked.

You quickly ran to grab some buckets as the roof was flimsy, whenever it rained, your apartment would be drenched in water too unless you strategically placed the buckets so they could collect the raindrops.

After doing that, you finally caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and cringed.

You were still in your waitress unifrom, your hair now a mess, mascara streaks on your cheeks from crying, your hands and legs covered in bloody scratches.

You decided to quickly clean up so you can make dinner for Chan and yourself, preferably before he arrives home.

Swallowing more tears that threatened to come out, you made your way to the bathroom to clean up.

Luckily, you had hot water finally, the last three months you had to somehow survive without it once your water heater broke.

Sometimes you took double shifts at the restaurant, or just begged your boss to let you work without a day off.

Chan hated when you did that, hated seeing you so tired that you barely stood on your feet, your eyes sad and distant when you'd come home.

He begged you not to do it, promising he'd find a way to make more money, promising that he'll take care of you, telling you how you deserve better which you'd quickly shut down, not wanting him to feel guilty because it wasn't his fault.

It wasn't yours either, that's just how the cards were dealt and the two of you were trying your best to make something out of nothing.

Chan arrived just in time as you were finishing up with dinner, a smile gracing his tired face as soon as he saw you standing before the stove, dressed in his shirt.

You looked at him over your shoulder and though he could see the tiredness on your features, to him you looked more and more beautiful every single day.

"Hey, baby." you greeted him just as he wrapped his arms around you, your tired muscles instantly melting into his warmth and comfort.

You could fall asleep standing if you weren't so hungry.

"Love." he hummed against you, leaning over your shoulder to kiss the corner of your lips. "Smells nice." Chan nuzzled into your hair, taking a whiff of your shampoo.

"What, the food or me?" you chuckled, teasing him.

"Both." he giggled, gently moving you left and right as he tightened his hold on you.

"Go wash up then, it's almost done." you said, his hands coming up to touch yours.

That's when he noticed the scratches, panic overtaking him instantly as he gently grabbed your wrists.

"What happened?" he asked, a shaky breath escaping his lips.

"I fell. It's nothing." you quickly shook your head but he spun you around before you could even protest.

"Babe, your legs." Chan gasped.

"It's fine, really. It doesn't hurt too much." you averted your eyes.

His fingers came up to touch your chin as he made you look at him.

"I'll pick you up next time, I promise. Even if I have to speed across the city."

"Don't even think about that." you shivered, negative thoughts appearing in your mind instantly.

If you lost him, you wouldn't have anything.

"Okay, okay, I'll go wash up." he kissed you gently before skipping to the bathroom.

You served dinner on the small table, your plates clinking together as you tried to make it look somewhat presentable.

These little things always made a difference.

The fresh flowers on your windowsill, the pretty tablecloth you managed to find for a cheap price, a warm home cooked meal, your lover sitting across from you with a smile on his face.

The space was so cramped that your knees were pressed up together but in the case of the two of you, close could never be close enough.

You know Chan would gladly crawl right into your heart if you could keep him there, safe and sound.

He helped you wash the dishes, both of you talking about your day like you always do.

"That place is a shithole, y/n. You deserve so much better. Your manager is a fucking knucklehead. Do you want me to rough him up a little?" Chan asked, setting the clean plate aside.

You chuckled, smacking his bicep playfully as you peered up at him.

"Yes, get me fired. Save me from that hellhole." you joked with a dramatic hand to your forehead.

"You know you could always look at other places."

"Isn't it just the same thing? I don't have many qualifications anyways."

"I know but maybe a different restaurant has a better manager if nothing else." Chan offers, as you lean on the sink, wiping your hands.

"Or they could be even worse." you said as he stood before you, his arms landing on your waist.

Chan leaned in to kiss you, slowly and lovingly, your stomach doing all sorts of flips like you haven't been together for years, like you haven't done this before.

"How about we stop talking about work and start talking about more fun topics?" you wiggled your eyebrows at him as your arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingers grazing his muscles, on display for you as he wore his tanktop.

"You're not in pain?" he motioned to your thighs and arms, still stinging albeit dulled now.

"I trust you to be gentle." you stood on your tippy toes to kiss him again, your hands holding his cheeks.

The two of you fell into a lovers embrace, tongues entwined, fingertips gently exploring, your cores connected in a heated movement that ended in pure bliss.

"I love you." you whispered as Chan scooped you up in his protective arms.

"I love you, darling." he kissed your temple as you drifted off to sleep.

-

You noticed it for the first time that same night.

You were so exhausted, jolted out of your deep sleep that you thought you were hallucinating when you saw Chan's figure walking towards the door and disappearing.

Your eyes fell to the clock next to your bed, reading 2am.

You wanted to wake up, ask him where he's going but you couldn't fight the sleep that was overtaking you.

The next morning, you forgot about it as you saw Chan making breakfast for the two of you, the day starting as normal as ever, a familiar routine taking place.

Your knees pressed together as you ate, the smell of freshly brewed coffee filling up the space, the birds singing in front of the window as you chatted.

The next twenty minutes consisted of the two of you knocking against each other and the furniture as you tried to get ready for work.

The smiles on your faces never faltered as every second spent together was precious, even the mundane things like brushing your teeth together became romantic in your eyes.

Chan refused to stop kissing you in front of the door until you smacked his chest enough times to make him realize that you'll be late for work if he doesn't drive you right now.

It was a nice and fresh day outside and briefly you remembered the vision you had last night of Chan leaving but you chalked it up to a dream.

-

The dream however, kept repeating sporadically throughout the week.

You'd be half awake, watching your boyfriend's back as he'd gather his jacket and toolbox, only to leave quietly into the night.

Doubts started to fill your mind.

You knew you could just ask him where he was going, but the fact that he didn't share it beforehand, when the two of you usually shared your deepest and darkest secrets, created a painful feeling in your gut and chest.

It was more than suspicious, him sneaking out at night and the fear of losing him clouded your mind.

So one night as he left, waking you up accidentally in the process, you couldn't fall back asleep.

Tears filled up your eyes as you clutched onto his pillow that smelled just like him, comforting and yours.

What was he doing? You didn't want your mind to go to horrible places, like Chan meeting up with someone else because if that turned out to be true, your heart would shatter into pieces.

Pieces you'd never be able to pick up, never be able to love again.

So, you waited for him to come back home, making yourself some coffee so you don't fall asleep.

Chan came back home around 6am, just 30 minutes before you usually wake up.

"Oh, y/n. You're awake." he swallowed, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Yes, I've been awake for hours." you looked at him as he stood still by the door, nervously looking left and right.

"I- I just..."

"Where were you? Or better yet, where do you sneak off to every other night?" you tapped your fingers against the cup, your heart beating fast as you tried to sound and look calm, but your eyes were already filling up with tears.

"Y-you know?" Chan gulped, standing like a statue.

You scoffed, a tear sliding down your cheek.

You wiped it away angrily as you stood up and his eyes widened.

"I thought we didn't have any secrets between us. But you're obviously going behind my back. Just please, explain."

"Please don't be mad at me!" Chan quickly made his way to you but you took a step back from him, your backside colliding into the sink.

Hurt flashed across his eyes before realization hit him.

How this must look to you.

"Oh, you think..." he shook his head. "It's nothing like that. Actually, you weren't supposed to find out like this. I just wanted to make some extra money so I started repairing stuff as a 24/7 service. You know, for stores that work around the clock, anything that is opened during the night shift like casinos and clubs. If something happens in people's houses during the night. I figured since I have trouble sleeping, I'd do something productive."

You stared at him for a moment before letting out a laugh of disbelief, tears still staining your cheeks.

"You bastard!" you smacked his chest, but there was a smile on your face which let Chan know you weren't that mad at him.

"Why didn't you just tell me that? Do you know how much you scared me?" you smacked his chest once again for good measure before he grabbed your hands gently, bringing them up to your lips and kissing your knuckles.

"I'm sorry, I will never keep something from you again. It's just that it was supposed to be a surprise."

"What surprise?" your brows furrowed as Chan sighed, turning around to rummage through his jacket that he'd left on the chair immediately.

You peered at his hands, your eyes widening and a gasp escaping your lips as he produced a little velvet box out of his pocket.

"Is that-" you stuttered, fresh tears pricking your eyes.

"Mhm." he nodded. "But I wanted us to have this romantic dinner and-"

"This is romantic enough." you stopped him, your voice eager.

Chan chuckled and then smirked.

"Are you sure you want me to propose all greasy in the middle of the kitchen at 6am?"

"I'm sure." you giggled, your body heating up with excitement.

"I was gonna prepare a speech." he muttered before getting down on one knee.

"Y/n, even though I don't have much, what I do have I want to share with you. And that is all my love and my complete and utter devotion that I want to share with you for the rest of my life. So will you marry me?" Chan looked up at you hopefully as he opened up the little box, revealing a beautiful ring inside it.

"Yes!" you cried, quickly wrapping your arms around him as you stumbled forwards into his embrace, making him giggle happily.

You held each other tightly for some time, just reveling in the moment of your hearts beating against one another in unison.

As you pulled away, Chan slid the ring on your finger as your heart skipped a beat.

"Never scare me like that again." you said, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry, my love. I promise I won't."

Your lips crashed together in a sweet and passionate kiss, your whole body tingling with so many feelings and one thought in your head.

Whatever life throws at you, as long as you come home to each other at the end of the day, everything will be just fine.

-

taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @simpforleeknaur @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @starlost-mochi-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun @scarlet789 @skzdust @schniti-is-in-the-house

[hannamoon143]

Prompt List!୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

𝘏𝘶𝘳𝘵/𝘊𝘰𝘮f𝘰𝘳𝘵

♡ "can you please come get me?"

♡ "hey, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself"

♡ "no, don't cry, I hate it when you cry"

♡ "you look sad"

♡ "oh god, you're bleeding"

♡ "I could just use a hug"

♡ "don't touch me"

♡ "it's okay, just breathe"

♡ "I'll stay for as long as you need"

♡ "you can trust me"

♡ "can I touch you? is that okay?"

♡ "you don't need to apologize, ever"

♡ "hey, hey, you're alright! it's okay, just calm down"

♡ "shh, shh, you're okay now"

♡ "here, hold my hand"

♡ "there's no shame in crying, I promise"

♡ "are you crying?"

♡ "you are what's important right now"

♡ "I've got nowhere else to be"

♡ "I'm at the hospital"

𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵

♡ "I don't want to die"

♡ "I was only using you"

♡ "stay away from me"

♡ "why am I always your second choice?"

♡ "we almost made it"

♡ "leave I don't want to see you"

♡ "why are you helping a monster?"

♡ "I'm barely holding on"

♡ "can I leave now?"

♡ "I guess that's just how little I meant to you"

♡ "I just want to know you care about me"

♡ "stop looking at me like I'm damaged goods"

♡ "there's no us and there never was"

♡ "you deserve so much better"

♡ "don't do this here"

♡ "am I too late?"

♡ "say something, just fucking say something"

♡ "I know. I know I wasn't enough. I always did"

♡ "I did care, I used to care"

𝘍𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

♡ "shh, stop fussing. I'm just braiding your hair"

♡ "can I borrow your sweater? it smells like you"

♡ "you're my new pillow"

♡ "I'll be here to protect you"

♡ "it's okay, I couldn't sleep anyway"

♡ "you make me so happy"

♡ "aww, you're blushing"

♡ "wait...is this a date?"

♡ "can I kiss you?"

♡ "I'm glad you came"

♡ "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified"

♡ "thank you for being her for me"

♡ "you're so pretty when you first wake up"

♡ "I want you to stay, please"

♡ "dance with me"

♡ "your eyes are so pretty"

♡ "is someone sleepy?"

♡ "can I kiss you?"

♡ "you're so warm"

♡ "this/these are my favorite"

𝘚𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘧𝘪𝘤

♡ “you’re sure I’m sick?  ‘cause I feel fine”

♡  “I really cannot be sick right now”

♡  “everyone gets colds.  I’ll live”

♡  “I really hope this is just my allergies”

♡  “stop thinking so loud; my head hurts”

♡ "I'm scared"

♡ "I can't even talk properly"

♡  "I feel like I'm letting everyone down"

♡ "you're making a big deal out of nothing"

♡ "I'm so tired..."

♡ "no, you're not fine. you're burning up”

♡ "you need to rest. I'll stay here with you until you feel better"

♡ “just let me take care of you"

♡ "here, take my blanket”

♡ “I’ll make some tea”

♡ “you're in no condition to go anywhere”

♡ “just rest and let your body fight this off"

♡ “take this medicine, please"

♡ "I'm here now”

♡ "right now, the only person you need to help is yourself”

Prompts by @literary-lesbo

[sunboki]

🛒 SKZ TEXTS — “what are we?”

including. 𐙚ot8

notes. happy almost-december :) please take this!

sunboki, may 2022 ©

[lovscb97]

tags: nerd!bang chan x cheerleader!fem!reader, inexperienced chan, experienced reader, kissing, slight corruption kink, kinda toxic relationship, oral sex (f. receiving), face-sitting, exhibitionism lowkey (they’re in a locker room), nicknames (channie, baby, pretty boy), angst kinda?, porn with some plot, etc

wc: 2.06k

add. notes: these previews kilt me. they Kilt Me. therefore i present to u face-sitting with nerd chan. it's not entirely pwp but enjoy anyways :3

nerd!chan pt. 2 / nerd!chan headcannons / drabble #1

. . . 

you’re not quite sure how you got here, honestly. one moment, you’re out at cheer practice with your girls, doing complicated stunts and diligently rehearsing the rigorous routines outlined for the upcoming game, all with your coach blowing her whistle every other minute of course. but the next? 

you’re in a stuffy locker room making out with the captain of the mathletes team as he pants against your mouth, begging you for more.

it started off with a simple favour— you needed somebody to help you get your grades up after missing one too many classes, and chan was the best in the year; naturally, you asked for his assistance. he’d gone wide in the eyes and red in the face when you’d walked up to him after your shared lecture, leaving you biting back a laugh at the way he stuttered over his words over the prospect of teaching you, even refusing at first. to your fortunate pleasure however, you convinced him to agree in the end, which is how you ended up at your first session in his house, crammed together on his childhood bed and eyeing the walls of his room littered with spelling bee awards and academic medals from various competitions. 

somehow down the line of those little sessions, you and chan grew closer, bonding over your shared love for movies and hidden local diners in your city, and the first time you hung out with him outside of the guise of studying at those very local diners, you found yourselves grinding against each other in the backseat of his beatdown car. you still remember the way he fumbled over himself, red ears burning and big doe eyes blinking up at you as you kissed him, albeit awkward with his lack of expertise but still sweet in the way he held you close to him. you suppose that’s where your little ‘sessions’ turned into a special type of studying, and where this charade began to unfold as your dirty secret.

which brings you back to now. 

“need.. need you.” chan huffs, pulling away momentarily from messily locking his lips with yours as you breathe heavily against him. you blink for a moment as if processing his words, and a cheeky smile spreads across your face slowly as you take in his disheveled hair and blown out features. “yeah? what do you need, pretty boy?” you tease, trailing a single finger across his pale skin to trace the outline of his collarbone, feeling him shiver under your touch as a low whine escapes his mouth. 

“need to taste you.” he mumbles shyly, and you coo at the way he hangs his head low as if he’s embarrassed to admit it, hooking a finger under his chin to get a look at his slightly teary eyes. when they finally make contact with yours, you can’t help but smile softly, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips that has your insides positively melting. 

sometimes you realise that despite his enthusiasm in engaging with you, chan is just a soft-spoken boy. he’s so untouched and pure that it makes you want to absolutely break him, to taint that perfect image he’s put on and quite literally corrupt him to become your toy. amidst that realisation, it also dawns on you that one day he’ll come to terms with the fact that this isn’t what he deserves, that this isn’t how he should be enjoying his firsts with someone who doesn’t even have the nerve to commit to him and how he’ll move on sooner or later to find somebody better that can give him what he wants without needing to hide it. the mere thought of it always leaves your stomach swirling in bitterness and disgust, but you swallow the lump it creates at the back of your throat because those are feelings you’re yet not ready to confront, and for now, if this is what you can have, then this is what you’ll take.

“and how do you want me?” you ask lowly, taking chan’s hand in yours and placing it on your waist, feeling the way he bunches up the fabric of your cheer outfit in his palm. “tell me.” you murmur. “tell me and i’ll give it all to you.”

“want you to sit my face.” he gasps out, hooded eyes staring at you as the words leave his mouth, and suddenly all your self restraint is snapping in half. before you know it, you’re yanking him by the collar of his brown jacket, smashing your lips together once more and swallowing the squeak of surprise that leaves him. the kiss is desperate, and wet, and sloppy, but neither of you care about it or the fact that anyone could walk in and see you both, far too lost in each other to give much of a damn. 

“get on the bench.” you demand once you’ve retracted yourself from him, chan’s wide pupils searching yours to see if you’re serious. when you don’t say anything or move, he’s immediately scrambling for his balance and toppling back onto the wooden structure, drawing a small giggle from you that has his insides tightening and jeans straining. 

“wait!” he blurts out as you move to hook your fingers into your skirt, swallowing when you raise an eyebrow at him. “keep it on.” he whispers, and you swear your heart stops beating right then and there. you nod slowly after a while in understanding, because that’s all you fear you can manage without actually jumping his bones in that moment. 

“lay on your back.” you quietly instruct, and chan eagerly follows like a puppy taking orders from its owner. he yelps when his snapback falls off his head at the angle he’s at, but you’re quick to catch it, pushing it back onto his curls with a wink as you straddle his face. “keep it on.” you mimic his words from earlier, chuckling at the way his cheeks flush pink at your response because by god, he was far too cute for his own good. 

“wait a minute,” chan’s eyes widen when he at last focuses his attention on you and gets a glimpse of your drenched core. “were you.. were you not wearing anything under your skirt?” he questions cautiously, nearly choking when you merely shrug. “i like easy access.” a devious smirk journeys across your face when you answer him, and chan has to bite back a moan at the idea of you parading around commando all day. his imagination doesn’t get the chance to run too wild, because by the time he can even register what’s happening, you’re already lowering yourself onto his awaiting mouth, groans leaving the two of you at the fact that you’re both finally, finally getting what you’ve been waiting for all day.

“fuck,” chan curses into you, and you hiss at the way his words rumble deep in his chest and travel through your core. “fuck, fuck, fuck.” he breathes out once more, swiping through your folds hysterically as your taste invades his senses. you’re everywhere, in his mind, his mouth, even his soul, especially from the way you begin to slowly rock yourself back and forth on his wet muscle. he swears he might die a happy man today when he feels your thighs smothering him on each side, hands moving up to grip the plush of them before he’s sticking his tongue out and letting you ride it.

“how are you so good at this?” you laugh to yourself in disbelief, biting your lip at the way his nose bumps against your clit perfectly each time he lets you move yourself against him. chan merely grunts in response, too engrossed in eating you out to even answer, and when he pulls you down to suck on your swollen bundle of nerves, you swear you see stars. the only thing heard in the isolated locker room you’re currently going at it in by now are the lewd slurps coming from his mouth along with your whimpers, which only get higher in pitch the more he continues to eat at you.

“so damn good.” chan keens. “so fucking wet, and sweet too.” his words only spur you on further, and before you know it, the telltale signs of your orgasm are creeping up on you. chan shows no signs of stopping though, his hands gripping your thighs hard enough to leave bruises and pulling you impossibly further down on his mouth to the point you feel like you actually might suffocate him. he doesn’t care, of course, he’d die a happy man to be smothered by your perfect cunt.

“channie, baby, wait.” you cry out softly when he envelops your engorged nub in his mouth and laves his tongue over it repeatedly, moaning obscenely against your pussy. “‘m gonna cum if you do that, wait, wait.” chan in fact does not wait, only speeding up his movements and continuing to lick at you until you’re shaking through the familiar waves of pleasure, a silent scream falling from your lips as you spray warm and wet on his tongue. it drips down his chin and your inner thighs, but neither of you care with you buzzing in overstimulation from the way chan continues to suck at you through the shocks, and him with you cumming on his tongue so pretty. 

by the time you’re done, he’s still going at it, and it takes you gripping his hair and weakly standing up from his mouth to get chan to finally stop. when you look down at him from your awkward position, the lower half of his face glistens back at you, his plump lips and pretty features wet with your arousal and juices, prompting you to bite back a moan. you swing your leg over and shakily stand, petting your skirt down to get rid of the creases as chan sits up, still looking like he ascended to another dimensional plane. he’s rock hard in his boxers by now, cock painfully straining against his jeans, but he can’t find it in himself to get you to help him out.

“well,” you clear your throat after a moment of silence. “i should get going.” chan’s heart sinks in his chest at your words, and it must show in his expression too because you can’t seem to meet his eyes with the way your gaze stays locked on your twiddling fingers. “they’re probably wondering where i’ve been, so..” you trail off, trying to find a way to excuse yourself despite your mind screaming at you to do otherwise.

“yeah.” chan curses internally at the way his voice cracks. “yeah, you should go.” the sentence comes out more bitter than he intends it to, but he can’t help it. a part of him wants you to feel guilty for just up and leaving without even delving into what this is, what it could mean and become if you just allowed yourself to let it do so, but he’s come to learn that he just can’t expect that from you at this point. so, he doesn’t, instead choosing to wave bye as you sheepishly make your way outside the locker room to the field. once you’re out of sight, he sighs heavily, covering his face with his hands before flopping back down on the bench, his mind racing with thoughts. 

because the simple fact is that chan knows. he knows you’re oh so out of his league, and you would’ve been miles away from his reach either way had it not been for the fact that you stopped him one random thursday afternoon to ask if he could help you out in economics 101. and yet, a part of him still longs for you, longs for your presence and the way you bat your eyelashes at him when he scolds you for getting a question wrong. he longs for the way your perfume wafts in his direction when you pass him in the hallways, ignoring his existence like you both weren’t tangled up in each other’s embrace the night before. even though his heart hurts so painfully, even though his friends all say you’re bad for him, even though he knows himself how bad you are for him, he doesn’t care. 

for him, it’s always going to be you.

. . . 

comments and reblogs are always appreciated <3