#not sure if I am functional enough without a dog to afford that

[dracaspina]

The more I learn about ADHD while trying to get a diagnosis, the more work I realize that my childhood dog was doing.

She was "hyperactive" aka-needed a lot of walks. Especially whenever I was stressed out. Exercise is good for the brain.

She would either jump on me or whine until I got out of bed in the morning to feed her. I have so much difficulty with that, some days it is neigh impossible without a looming deadline or appointment.

She would insist on petting if I stayed still for too long-aka, breaking hyperfocus (which, while it can be useful, doesn't always pick a good thing to latch onto and prevents me from noticing things like muscle cramps, hunger pangs, fatigue, and bathroom needs.)

She was always there when I needed to snuggle something warm and non-judgmental. So, dealing with depression and anxiety.

Some of the issues I had in college weren't just me trying to adjust to a new environment, it was me flailing about needing to find new coping strategies and failing.

When I was forced to give her away, I wasn't just sad that I loved her but couldn't keep her, I lost a vital support tool that helped keep me functioning.

It's been over twenty years and I still miss her and haven't been able to have any pets since. It is a much bigger struggle to do all the things on my own that my dog used to help with.

I need another dog.

[dreamsmp-au-ideas]

Oh, that bit about Karl’s powers and XD’s company at the beginning of the overwatch timeline made the karlnapity brain go brrrrrrr, bro!! Very long post ahead!!!! And I know the chatfic is coming soon, and I totally understand if you wanna reserve the blog’s attention for that once it comes out because I am also extremely excited for it, so publish this whenever you want!! Also good luck with the title and summary!!

So like, it’s a few years after Overwatch fell, and Sapnap, Quackity, and Karl are more or less content! They feel for Sam and the other original members, they do, but Overwatch and the omnics honestly weren’t a very big part of their world. They all made it through the omnic crisis just fine, and now they’re just going about their lives in the relative peacetime. They’re even engaged, vague plans of a marriage someday cobbling together bit by bit, but they’re in no rush. They’re happy!

And then Karl finds out about this interesting experiment that’s looking into real, live, actual time travel. Like!! Karl was psyched enough when space travel started getting big again; he knows just about everything there is to know about Horizon One for someone who’s never been there. If time travel turns out to be real? Karl wants in, and he wants in now.

Sapnap and Quackity are half-convinced it’s a scam or a gimmick or something. Sure, they personally knew what amounted to a superhero team a few years ago, but there’s a difference between a small group of skilled fighters and literal time travel. Especially since it’s an XD-sponsored endeavor, Quackity is certain there’s some catch. If nothing else, it’s probably a way to waste a lot of people’s time and money to get XD some good press again.

But Karl is so excited to check it out, neither of them want to try particularly hard to shut him down. They decide they’ll keep an eye on it, obviously, just in case, but they wish Karl good luck and a good time. So he heads out with high hopes and a little suitcase, promising to call every night and to see them soon.

And for the first few days, it goes great! Karl does call them every day and talks for at least an hour about everything he’s learning about this theoretical time travel and how it’ll work: a ship called the Slipstream, which is supposed to use teleportation technology to travel between places in negative time, thus creating functional time travel. Sapnap and Quackity reserve their doubts, but Karl’s having the time of his life either way, and they’re glad to hear him so happy. Especially when he tells them that he gets to get in the ship and take it on a test flight tomorrow - not to try out the time travel yet, but just to make sure he knows how to fly it. Karl gets to fly a ship!! He’s gonna be an actual pilot!! He’s so excited!!!

Karl hangs up that night, clearly over the moon, and Sapnap and Quackity resolve themselves happily to at least four hours on the phone tomorrow night, hearing all about the flight and how it went and what Karl is looking forward to.

And the next night, the hour comes, and Sapnap and Quackity settle on the couch with snacks and drinks, ready for a good long listening session. They wait for the phone to ring. And wait. And wait.

After an hour, they reason that maybe the test flight took longer than expected. Maybe Karl is tired out from flying it. Maybe Karl got distracted. Maybe he forgot to charge his phone. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Either way, it’s not like they had agreed that he’d call at this specific time. So there’s no need to worry. They’re not worried.

Another hour passes. And then another, and another, and soon midnight finds Sapnap and Quackity, sitting in the kitchen with mugs of tea long since cooled, watching a phone that won’t ring. Looking up the experiment or the Slipstream doesn’t bring up any bad news, which sets them both a bit at ease; no news is good news, right? At least for now?

Uneasily, they decide to go to bed. Karl will have to have called or at least texted by morning, surely. And if not, they’ll call him, and then they’ll call the number they were given for questions about the experiment. There’s no reason to worry.

Despite having no reason to worry, when morning comes without word from Karl, Sapnap and Quackity worry. When they call Karl, it goes straight to voicemail. When they call the number for the experiment, it’s disconnected. When they look up the experiment and the Slipstream and XD in general, they notice what they hadn’t last night: not only is there no news, there’s no mention of the experiment. The website Karl had learned about the experiment from is gone. XD’s website makes no mention of time travel. Even with all of Quackity’s investigative power, as far as the world wide web is concerned, there has never been a ship or shuttle with the name Slipstream.

It’s like the whole project never existed at all, and Karl Jacobs along with it.

Thus begins Sapnap and Quackity’s investigation. They call anyone who will listen, telling them that Karl is missing and it’s almost certainly the fault of XD and his company and please please please help them find out what happened. They become the most annoying thorn in XD’s side in months, calling every division in every company several times over, demanding answers. At one point, they’re discreetly contacted and offered hush money if they just drop it, and Sapnap has never screamed so loud in his life as when he told them exactly what they could do with that money. Quackity immediately tries to follow up, tracing the offer to gather proof that something must have happened if they’re trying to cover it up, and only runs into a brick wall. XD is infuriatingly good at covering his tracks.

What finally marks the turning point in their investigation is XD’s most common underestimation: common human decency between strangers. Quackity and Sapnap are anonymously contacted by someone who was working in the experiment’s division and heard about their search, someone who has access to Slipstream plans and blueprints. Through them, Quackity and Sapnap learn that Karl vanished because he was pressured into activating the time travel function on his test flight, despite the fact that it wasn’t ready yet. They’re also given early blueprints for the Slipstream, which include some of the plans for the time travel mechanism.

It’s this mechanism that Sam is able to study and rework and reverse engineer, eventually leading to the development of the chronal accelerator, which should, in theory, bring Karl back.

And it had been a rough time for Quackity and Sapnap, spending nearly all of their free time trying to gather resources and to find the truth and then to help Sam however he needed. They’ve undergone their respective breakdowns, supporting each other through them: Sapnap kept Quackity from burying himself too deeply in his work and his research, getting him to sleep and eat regularly. In turn, Quackity made sure he was available for Sapnap to talk and vent to, redirecting his steadily burning fury to constructive outlets. They’ve settled into an uneasy but manageable rhythm of getting through the days, haunted though they are by the uncertainty of where Karl is and when (if) they’ll see him again. And with the invention of the chronal accelerator, they’re both struggling with just how much hope they can afford. If this doesn’t work - if they get so close to finally getting Karl back, only to fail… it’s not something they want to think about.

So when Sam calls them down to his workshop, saying that he thinks he has a working model to recover their fiance, they arrive hand-in-hand, Quackity guarded, Sapnap cautiously optimistic. They gather around the workbench, surrounding Sam’s invention, a mechanical-looking harness with a glowing, green-and-purple spiral at its heart. Sam looks to them, hovering one hand over the activation switch, waiting for their signal.

They share a glance. Sapnap squeezes Quackity’s hand, steady and secure. No matter what, it promises. No matter what, I’ll still be here. I’m with you.

They both nod to Sam, and he flips the switch.

The harness hums and crackles to life, its spiral glowing brighter and starting to spin. Sam stands at the ready, watching six different monitors to ensure nothing goes wrong. Sapnap and Quackity lean on each other, nearly holding their breath, eyes glued to the accelerator.

Slowly, a figure fizzles into existence. Half-transparent, arms curled close to their chest, they glance around the room, looking lost and unsure, until they meet eyes with Sapnap and Quackity. Then their eyes go wide, one hand rising to their mouth, hanging open in shock.

Sapnap? says the ghost of Karl Jacobs. Quackity?

And in the next second, the ghost comes back to life, lungs filling with air, color rushing to his cheeks, solidity returning to his form. And Karl gasps, coughs, leans forward with one hand clapped over the accelerator, and his gaze doesn’t leave his fiances for a second. He extends one shaking arm, reaching for his fiances with an open hand. The tension shatters.

Sapnap closes the distance in half a second, Quackity barely a breath behind. The fiances collapse against the table as the two of them all but tackle Karl. Because Karl is real, Karl is alive, Karl is here in front of them. The lingering doubts that have dogged their footsteps vanish. The fear in their hearts that three engagement rings would become two wedding rings dissolves. The aching absence they’ve felt between them for months melts away in tears and sobs and bone-crushing hugs, the three of them relishing the hard-regained closeness, pressing together as the weight of the world lifts from all of their shoulders.

They’re together again.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #335

“on my forehead, a birthmark  /  remove it with the kiss of a knife  /  even if it causes me to die”

Do you recover well from surgery? Judging by the two surgeries I've had, oh yeah. I was hyper as hell when I came home from getting tubes put in my ears as a little kid, even though the doctor said I'd be very sleepy. Then, after my cyst removal, I was put on very strong painkillers but was still warned it was going to be a painful recovery, when it totally wasn't. I literally only took painkillers the first day. What addictions have you had? Caffeine, technology. Would you change your name if you became famous? Nah. If Cupid were real, would you hire him to make someone love you? No. I don't want somebody forced to love me. Ever been to an auction? No. Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy”) It kinda varies with gender. Women I tend to call "beautiful" or "gorgeous," sometimes "hot" or "cute," while men I usually refer to as "handsome" or "hot"/"sexy." The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? She's a bit younger. When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hm. I dunno. I have a hard time saying "no," so. When was the last time you had Pop Tarts? What flavour were they? Many months ago; I kinda stopped eating them because they're truly not filling and just a load of sugar that veils itself as an actual breakfast choice. But anyway, I liked the chocolate sundae ones. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Did you ever play Spyro? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! SPYRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those games were my CHILDHOOD, and it's half the reason I'm dying for a PS4 to play the remastered trilogy. Speaking of which, it'd be awesome if they remade the The Legend of Spyro trilogy as well. I might just like those games more than the originals, but that's a bold statement I'm unsure about. Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? I dated a Hispanic guy for less than a day. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? Ozzy Osbourne's, yes. I'm just fucking waiting for Mark to write one, but he's always said he has so little interest in writing about his life. DO IT, YOU FUCK. Do you own any succulents? No. I think they're pretty, though. Do you have a drone? No. What’s your favorite Netflix series? *shrug* What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Summertime. The heat, the humidity (at least here), the sunburn from just standing outside for ten minutes... I hate all of it. The ONLY two things I enjoy about summer is swimming and then flowers, though spring is the more floral season here anyway. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? They've... happened. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Pretty sure forever. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Once upon a time, that was the plan. Now, nah. I'd just want to be in a healthy, stable, and long-term relationship. What do you think about divorce? It's sad, but necessary for some people in order to be happy, which everyone has the right to be. I used to be very firmly against divorce except in extreme cases like abuse, etc., and I'm still definitely no fan of it and think couples should do their best to work things out, but it's incredibly unfair to believe that someone should be stuck for the rest of their life with a person they just don't love anymore. Getting married can be a mistake; don't damn people forever to be chained to their bad decisions. Do you remember the first time your heart broke? What was the reason? It was probably when Dad just abandoned us. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I don't think anyone's ever pulled a sick joke on me. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes; my little sister deadass tried to walk outside late at night. Thank God I was on the computer in the living room and stopped her. What song are you listening to right now? I just turned "Mutter" by Rammstein on. When is the last time you cursed? I'm not re-reading, but I have probably cursed fifty times in this survey already. It's so deeply ingrained into my vocabulary. Are there any words on your shirt? No; it's just a plain gray tank top. Why do you forward forwards? I never do because they annoy the fuck out of me. How many people are you interested in at the moment? Just one in a healthy and logical way. I can't be truly interested in Jason because like come on I haven't spoken to him in four whole years. My PTSD just ensures I never forget the memory of who he was, who probably no longer even exists. I mean, look how much I'VE changed in four years. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nnnnope. Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Apart from family, I have no idea. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Venus never does, but Roman can get on my nerves sometimes when I don't let him lay on me when I'm on the laptop in bed. He's a large cat (not overweight, just a big male cat) and blocks the screen big time unless he lies down properly, which he doesn't always do. He still tends to win when he tries to come over, but sometimes I'll block him with my arm, and this spoiled brat will actually slap it a few times before walking away lmao. Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Absolutely a pool. I want one badly. Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Especially lately, I don't get nearly enough. Like at the time I'm answering this question, it's 4 AM, and I've been up for almost a couple hours. I struggle with falling asleep, I will ALWAYS wake up at least once in the night, and I jerk awake from nightmares regularly still. It's a big reason why I pretty much require naps. Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We only have an attic. Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? No. I'm way too timid of a driver to get that outwardly pissy about stupid people. I'd just judge them in silence, haha. What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? Because of just how common they are, I'm going to assume this excludes birds, in which case it was probably a squirrel? Yeah, the normal brown ones are common. Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Since I was fucking stupid enough to post a suicide note on Facebook (I don't want to hear a goddamn thing about "attention seeking," I genuinely wanted to say goodbye), I almost never, ever, share things about my personal life. Even before, it was rare for me to actually share what's going on with me. All I really do now is share relatable, wholesome, or funny shit I find, as well as political things I'm in firm agreement with. What are some habits you have in common with your parents? I pace like my dad, and it drives people crazy because it apparently makes them anxious? I can't think of an obvious one I have with Mom, but I'm sure one exists. Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? I feel safest and most clean in a pool, but c'mon, swimming in the ocean is so much fun. When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? It depends on the book, it seems. Especially if someone else owns it, like in school or something. Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? My legs always hurt. I've shared enough as to why; it wasn't an actual, singular "incident." What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? OH MY FUCKING GOD. So in group therapy the other day, one of the girls had her bearded dragon out, and he was being aggressive. I think he tried to bite her aND SHE SAID WITHOUT REALIZING HER MIC WAS ON, "fucking dickhead," and everyone d i e d. She's a really cool chick, I'll miss her when I'm finished with PHP. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, surprisingly enough. I barely ever sing. Do you bite your lips a lot? Yes, especially when they're dry. .-. What part of your body would you never get pierced? Anyone who gets a piercing "down there" has a greater pain tolerance than this bitch right here. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? Juan had quite a few. I don't remember if Tyler did... but I think maybe a The Legend of Zelda-related one? Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? No; I love dogs. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Man, idk, I'm a little bitch when it comes to emotional movies. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is high up there, as is of course Johnny Got His Gun. Old Yeller, too. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Sara's gonna write a fuckin book series ok you can't convince me otherwise. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? Damn dude, what an ungrateful question. I'm just appreciative someone even thought TO give me something. Do you shave your arms? My armpits, yes, but not my arms themselves. How many people have you dated? I only count three as even remotely serious: Jason, Sara, and Girt. Have you ever performed in a play? I remember back in Sunday school as a tiny kid I played Mother Mary in one we did in class. Do you chew gum? I have been more lately since my doc upped the dosage of one of my mood stabilizers (which I think is actually helping); I mention that because apparently a side effect is dry mouth, and it's the fucking Sahara in there. He advises those who deal with it to always carry around hard candy or something like that for the sake of forcing salivation, so gum works for me. How old were you when you first started dating? I was in the 7th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but it was total puppydog love. I started dating my first "real" bf when I was just shy of 16. Are/were your parents strict? Dad, no. Mom, only to a degree that I feel was pretty reasonable. She only ever wanted to prepare us to be functional, independent adults. Didn't work so well on me though, ha... Do you wear glasses? Yes. God, I need new ones. I'm blind as hell. What do you miss most about your childhood? Being so outgoing and happy to just be weird lil me. Do you write “To-Do” lists? Not really, no, but I do have notes on my phone about a couple things, like a bulleted list of planned monetary investments by importance, as well as a list of drawing ideas. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? I don't, really. There's loads I like, but no one favorite. Could you survive as a vegetarian? I pretty desperately want to, but I don't know if it's realistic. I am so, SO picky, and without meat, it's very questionable as to where I'd get an adequate source of protein. I still want to try again though once I'm at my goal weight. Has anyone ever asked you for your autograph? Lol no. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah, but that was a looong time ago when I was actually some semblance of pretty. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? I used to be someone who firmly stood by nighttime showers, but now I'm all about them in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up and start the day with productivity. Could you handle living with a male roommate? I mean, I lived with my then-boyfriend once, but I'm going to assume you'd consider him more than a "roommate." We lived with our two other friends, though, also a couple, and I was totally fine with living with them. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes. Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is very scary, but all the movies I've seen bits of have always been super cheesy. Which do you prefer, Naruto or One Piece? I haven't seen either and really aren't interested. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I've never really watched his movies, but I'm a fan of his music. What’s you fetish? I don't have one. Have you ever been in the “friend zone?" Well, what I'd call a "fake" one with Jason after the breakup until I was blocked on Facebook. I know now he absolutely did not want to be friends; he was trying to appease me. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Definitely conservative. Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Yeah, me. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm certain Mom was, but idk about Dad. I think so. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. What was the last thing that you recorded? I think Mom and I singing "happy birthday" to my late dog Teddy; we knew it would be his last. Do you like the show Futurama? Not really. Have you ever been in a choir class? I was in the elementary school chorus, as well as the choir at my childhood church. Are you ashamed of any of your family members? No, only myself. Were you a chubby child? No. Did you ever have senior photos done? No, even though I wanted them. Who is the person you dislike the most? God, this is so petty... but it's the girl Jason dated after me. I know it's childish as hell to feel like she "took" him from me, and I just feel this horrible hatred towards her that is entirely uncalled for. I just can't get myself to move past it. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, as I'm unemployed and also don't have disability, so I literally can't. How do you usually celebrate New Years? I really don't do much. Sometimes Mom will grab a pack of daiquiris, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? N/A What was the last job interview you went to? At a local grocery store to work in the deli. Got the job, lasted there for not even two hours. :^) Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Autism and mood disorders, yes. I myself may have high-functioning Asperger's (yes, I know that term doesn't technically exist anymore, it's just the umbrella term of "autism," but w/e). Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, and it's pretty much guaranteed that, unless there's some sudden accident, my mom will die of cancer, too. Hers got too bad to entirely eliminate every trace of cancer cells, so it will inevitably re-emerge at some point, just obviously some place else given that she had a total hysterectomy. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? Office. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? I enjoy all of those, but sour I think tops the list.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Disability and Loren

@zarohk asked for my thoughts on a Disability Studies/Media Studies perspective on the disability depictions in Animorphs.  Which was foolish, because I’m teaching an entire dang class on the subject of superheroes and mental health, so I have Many Thoughts.  [PLEASE NOTE: I am nondisabled, so if I err, please tell me so.]

Loren’s role in #49: The Diversion does a lot of things right, and a lot of things wrong.  She incurs a traumatic brain injury that results in memory loss and blindness a couple of years after Tobias is born, and lives with said injury for about ten years before Tobias finds her and gives her the ability to morph, which restores her sight but not her memory.

A few places where I commend the depiction of Loren:

It gets into the massive underemployment of disabled Americans.  Loren is smart, canny, athletic, compassionate... and working a call center job in exchange for state benefits.  Said state benefits do not afford her a decent standard of living; Tobias notes that she has few possessions and almost no time for leisure activities.  Americans with disabilities are twice as likely to be unemployed as those without, and those who do have jobs are ten times more likely to be paid less than minimum wage, e.g. in sheltered workshops.

It shows how inaccessible a lot of systems are in the U.S.  Tobias notes that Loren accidentally grabs an expired quart of milk — because nothing on the label is printed in Braille.  Putting raised text and/or Braille on food packaging is a health and safety issue, one that the U.S. ignores even though it violates its own laws (e.g. the ADA) because companies tend to do what they want and “what they want” is usually not to spend more money on packaging.  The call center and bus system are both marginally more accessible, especially when Loren has Champ to help, but they’re still clearly spaces set up for sighted people that don’t take blind users into account very well.

It shows some of the workarounds that help deal with accessibility problems.  Loren’s house is set up so that there are clear paths to and from all of the relevant spaces.  She’s doing that to allow herself to move around comfortably in that space, because she’s made it accessible for herself.  She memorizes the layout of the local store, and uses that to get around as well.  All of those details help show that she’s adjusted, and actively interacting with her own circumstances.

It drives home the difference between service dogs and pets.  This distinction is extremely important, and it gets ignored all the time by entitled ableists who want to bring their pets into stores.  Tobias and Marco both assume from the outside that it can’t be that hard to become a service animal — just do what Loren says to do, right? — but it takes Tobias 0.02 seconds to realize that it’s not that simple and that he cannot imitate Champ’s lifetime of training on the fly.  He says that he manages to get his mom home in one piece, and that that’s about all that can be said for his sad performance as a guide.  Champ has skills like ignoring interesting smells and applying exactly the right amount of pressure to the harness that most pets don’t have and also most pets can’t learn.  Champ is not a pet, at least not while he’s in that harness; he’s a gainfully employed expert assistant.

It rounds Loren out as a character, and definitely does not just make her into a lesson or problem for Tobias.  Loren is gently humorous, tolerating her coworkers’ teasing and Ax’s attempted juvenile delinquency with an eye-roll.  She’s compassionate, listening to other people’s problems on the phone with genuine concern and not swatting flies if she doesn’t have to.  She’s tough-minded and stupidly brave, chucking rocks at Visser Three’s head and flying at attack helicopters as a three-pound bird.  She’s fallible, unable to support Tobias emotionally even when he asks her to do so and unwilling to check in on him after leaving him with her sister.  She’s a fully rounded person, one whose personality is informed but not defined by her disability.

It talks about some of the unromatic aspects of a Traumatic Brain Injury.  Too often in other works of fiction, we see a person get bonked over the head and wake up with no episodic memory but all other brain functions intact (*cough* Rachel in MM1 *cough*).  Loren actually gets into the fact that she forgot huge chunks of language, forgot how to brush her teeth, forgot how to walk across a room.  She obviously lost her sight as well, and she mentions lifelong balance and coordination problems.  Even her amnesia isn’t absolute — she has some traces of recall, but can’t make anything coherent of her impressions.  Her injury isn’t 100% realistic, but it’s more so than many TBIs we see in fiction.

It focuses on the intersection of disability and social class.  Tobias notes that Loren is under a compounded threat because of her inability to move to a more secure neighborhood and her obvious vulnerability.  He feels a lot of disgust with himself when he and Marco and Ax are harassing Loren, because it’s so clear that this isn’t the first time she’s been harassed.  Tobias understands that his experience with poverty as a nondisabled male minor is different from Loren’s for those reasons.

A few places where Loren falls into the common traps of implied ableism creeping into fiction, as written about in Narrative Prosthesis: 

She gets “cured.”  Loren falls into the “kill or cure” dichotomy, like most of the other disabled characters in Animorphs.  In her case, it’s that she gains the power to morph and in the process regains the ability to see.  It isn’t a complete cure, true — she still has no memory — but it means that she’s no longer blind for the rest of the series.  Having the occasional character no longer be disabled sometimes isn’t automatically problematic; having every disabled character get either “fixed” or killed off inherently treats the disabled body as a problem that needs to be solved, through sci fi nonsense if no other way is available.

She implies that she’d rather die than continue to be disabled.  When injured by dracon burns, Loren initially refuses to morph out even though Tobias tells her she’ll die if she remains a bird, because (they both assume) to morph out is to return to her blind human body.  This moment buys into the stereotype that it’s better to be dead than disabled, again inherently devaluing the lives of actual blind individuals.

There’s a certain amount of mystery around how she became disabled.  It’s interesting that we never actually get a definitive answer on that one — Loren says she was told it was a car crash, but there’s also an implication that she was attacked by controllers, and we don’t know for sure.  However, the fact of her disability is treated as an aberrant state that needs to be explained, the book inherently asking “why are you like this?”  By contrast (for instance) she doesn’t ask Tobias “why are you in the body of a hawk?”

She views herself as a burden, and the narration doesn’t do enough to contradict her.  Loren says that she couldn’t possibly be expected to raise a child while also blind and coping with a TBI.  Real blind people raise kids all the time, however, including blind single parents, and it’d be nice to see some evidence in the story that Loren’s assumption is wrong.  Loren also apparently assumes that she can’t begin to play a role in Tobias’s life even now that Tobias is more self-sufficient, again because she views herself as relatively helpless and non-contributing due to her disability.  There are some hints that she’s wrong, but we don’t really see her either begin to contribute to the resistance or build a relationship with Tobias until after she’s become un-blind.

Tobias’s view of Loren is often pitying.  As much as Loren doesn’t initially view herself as a potential maternal figure to Tobias, he doesn’t view her as a potential mentor either.  He repeatedly expresses horror or sadness at her life circumstances, and assumes that her life must be barren due to the spartan nature of her home.  (Of course, that begs the question of why the hell a blind woman living alone would ever bother hanging pictures on her walls or putting doilies on her coffee tables, but Tobias doesn’t consider that angle.)  Again, Tobias is allowed to assume that her life must be meaningless if she’s disabled, but it’d be nice to see some contradictory evidence in the form of her having close friends or inane hobbies or some other proof that to lead a disabled life is not to automatically lead a lonely one.

Loren expresses bitterness and desperate desire to be nondisabled.  Again, it’s fine for any character to say “I wish my life was different,” and it’s a common consensus among blind writers/bloggers that being blind is often a pain in the butt.  However, views as extreme as “you need vision to have a fulfilling existence” or “vision is part of what makes us human” are ableist crocks of shit.  Loren doesn’t go so far as to espouse those extreme views, but she also doesn’t seem to view herself as having a well-rounded life in spite of her disability.  It’d be nice to see Loren talking about sight as handy or enjoyable or a thing that the designers of 99% U.S. environments assume everyone must have, rather than a necessary precondition for a minimum standard of life.

Loren’s disability is somewhat medicalized.  Same caveat as above: disabilities are by definition medical things that some bodies do or have that other bodies do not.  However, discussing disability primarily through “this is how your body is different from Implied Normal of Nondisabled Body” and focusing on doctor’s notes, diagnoses, physical differences, etc. can serve to disconnect the lived experience of the individual from their body.  It also tends to focus on the ways that the body is “the problem” rather than focusing on the ways that environments and attitudes are problematic, which then prevents anyone from asking hard questions about the environments and attitudes.  Loren’s doctor’s note, discussion of scarring and loss, and repeated physical descriptions are somewhat more medical than social.  It’d be nice to see a little more emphasis on the social factors that make blindness a disability (e.g. improperly labeled milk), and less on “your eyes are different from those of Implied Normal Nondisabled Person.”

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

more Vamp Glimmer and Supposedly-werewolf-actually-just-a-furry Adora

- Not-sure-if-dating-vampire-or-cosplayer Adora chatting with any bats she sees in case they are girlfriend

- putting out a welcome mat so possible vamp gf won't ever be stuck outside her apartment 

- (it doesn’t quite work like that but adora leaves the mat out anyway) (just in case)

- watching Glimmer determinedly eat pizza while Bow facepalms and looking out for her when she gets violently sick later and being like ? Lactose intolerant?? OR deadly vampiric garlic allergy??? 

- its both

- and worth it

- Vampire glimmer remembering seeing her gf fight off a werewolf and screams internally bc adora is human she could have DIED 

- also how strong is she to fight off a werewolf while wearing a full body realistic furstuit??? 

- hooman gorlfriend STRONK!! 

-Question: how did human adora fight off actual werewolf? 

-Answer: she read somewhere that werewolf bite could one hit K.O. vampires. Pure protective girlfriend panic did the rest 

- this gets swapped once glimmer realizes her gf is 100% human, and very mortal, and won't actually regenerate or heal in moonlight, and could potentially be cursed for all eternity or eaten

- anything supernatural and not friendly within 100 yards of Adora can and will be mobbed by a cauldron of killer bats

- Adora think this is Very Cool

- but she also still wants to Fight too 

- Bow face palms even though he isn’t even there to see it he can just sense them being reckless gay idiots by now he can just TELL  

- Bow’s not a vampire YET but he’s been thinking about it for years bc his best friend is an immortal undead being of the night and he never wants her to be lonely 

- Glimmer was actually a dhampire originally but uh a thing happened- Bow got mistaken for an actual vampire and she jumped in to protect and.... turns out that dhampires come back as vampires when they ‘die’. Who knew?

- (glimmer’s just grateful she got done with high school before she changed. collage would have made her a nocturnal shut in anyway so no biggie) 

- Glimmer’s mom (also Vampire) was a lot more freaked out over it

- it made her a lot less pleased with the idea of Glimmer dating a werewolf aka a thing that hunts vampires on instinct once a month and is one of the few creatures capable of killing them fairly easily 

- she made a lot of very thinly veiled threats to Adora

- Adora was Confused 

- Adora spent a whole year thinking Glimmer’s goth dad had been killed by a furry and they even had a talk about how Glimmer felt dating Adora and how she didn’t want Adora to trying being someone else bc she was already nothing like the people who attacked her dad and SOMEHOW they still didn’t figure things out. Amazing 

- Micah isn’t dead he was a human who got attacked by werewolves for being around Vampire Angella and she turned him to save him but he has to spend a few decades in underground recuperating before he can wake up again :(

- Glimmer, back when she was a living dhampire, was really scared he’d sleep for centuries and she’d never get to talk to him again

- another reason she’s cool with being a 100% vampire now 

- Vampire Glimmer leans into her vampireness with glee- smokey eyeshadow, glitter, metal studs, corsets and fancy skirts, black lace fingerless gloves, lots of moon themed pendents, earrings that look like drops of blood, etc 

- She calls her fashion TRAS-ylvanian Vamp-bi-er because she also uses the trans and bi pride flag colors just like, constantly

- Vampire Glimmer: Things I need to survive. One, clothes themed pink-purple-blue, and Two, clothes themed Blue-Pink-White

Bow: What about blood?

Vampire Glimmer: Oh, yeah. That too I guess 

- Vampire glimmer can sprout smol bat wings 

- she is very pissed. her mom’s wings are HUGE and she cannot WAIT to have wings big enough to use as her own ultimate vampire cape

- after finding out Adora is actually a human Angella gets worried for Glimmer in a whole new way

- by then she’d actually warmed up to ‘werewolf’ Adora and trusted her and was actually glad Glimmer’s girlfriend had some supernatural powers to protect her, but now Glimmer is with a human just like Angella was, and she’ll either lose Adora like Angella almost lost Micah or have to make the choice to change her and possibly be left with the guilt of that for the rest of her eternal life

- (Angella’s a little terrified of Micah waking up. What if he doesn’t like being a vampire? What if he pretends he’s fine with it but secretly isn’t and is lonely and miserable forever??)

- she talks with glimmer about it all and they share many hugs. Yay undead mother-daughter bonding! 

- but this also makes glimmer worry bc she used to think her turning Adora a non-issue bc werewolf but now it’s a thing they have to think about and UGH her head hurts blegh whatever 

- not long after Glimmer catches Adora very seriously trying on some cheap fake party fangs and taking notes on how they feel

- Glimmer laughs so hard she cries 

- then she almost dies when Adora asks her “Vat’s vrong?”

- back to the I Am A Furry reveal, Adora sits down with Glimmer and explains that sometimes a furry is just a person who has a fursona and like dressing up as it if they can afford to and that’s literally all there is to it 

- glimmer does some research and comes back with even more questions 

Vampire Glimmer: If your fersona is bipedal werewolf but your fursuit is hyper-realistic to point where i thought it was a REAL wolf, then does that make you a Feral or just a detailed Anthro?

Adora: how do you KNOW about all this??

Vampire Glimmer: google exists. now answer the question so I know which terrible pun to send in Bow’s good morning text 

- 

-For the next few months after finding out The Truth glimmer suffers like, two more Truths per day 

- Vampire Glimmer, texting from inside her coffin: Wait, if you’re not a werewolf then why do you eat your meat so raw?

Adora: .... i can’t cook...

Vampire Glimmer: .......... fair enough

- half an hour later -

Vampire Glimmer, texting again: WAIT if you’re not a werewolf then how come you get all moody and grumpy and run off into the woods every full moon??

Adora: LARPing is fun but also stressful and brings on my period AND you can’t fully appreciate a good werewolf fursuit without both the right backdrop and bright moonlight 

Vampire Glimmer: Oh. huh

- half an hour later -

Vampire Glimmer, calling adora from inside coffin: Why do you always smell like dog

Adora, sobbing: I VOLUNTEER AT AN ANIMAL SHELTER DURING THE DAY MY SHIFT IS IN TWO HOURS  PLEASE  LET ME REST IN PEACE

Vampire Glimmer: OH MY GOD I’M SORRY BUT WHY ARE YOU EVEN ANSWERING YOUR PHONE

Adora, sobbing harder: I JUST REALLY LOVE TALKING TO YOU!!!

Vampire Glimmer: BABE I LOVE YOU TOO BUT THIS IS INSANE EVEN DEAD PEOPLE NEED MORE SLEEP THAN YOU’RE GETTING 

- glimmer texts bow and has him make an emergency coffee run to Adora’s so she be kinda sorta functional. This becomes a ritual and Bow joking complains about having to do their ‘dark bidding’ (adora drinks her coffee black) (Glimmer hates that Bow managed to make a both a vampire AND a coffee pun)

- by far the most horrifying thing of all is the fact that Adora has no canine allergy to chocolate. She just doesn’t like it

- vampire! Glimmer lies awake for several days trying to process this

- in the end they both just really love each other <3 

[fridays--child]

Prompt: “Do these cigarettes have radiation? You know what- don't answer that.” 

It was an urban legend that The Third Rail had a closing time. The remains of the train station offered a refuge for both the downtrodden and the liberated folk of Goodneighbor, a small slither of escapism that allowed it’s patrons to disappear within the cigarette smoke and soft jazz, beyond the hours that polite society held before the bombs dropped.

But in the twilight zone when the sun began to rise, when it was too late for last call and too early for a hair-of-the-dog tipple, the pub had dwindled to the close as empty as it would ever be. Gene grouched on the dirty floor behind the counter, taking inventory of what little booze they still held. Whitechapel Charlie had finally begun trusting her enough to place the orders with Daisy at the end of a shift, instead choosing to berate the last of the stragglers that Ham was tossing out. Her bar experience before the war had proved that there was no better motivation for rioting than a dry town, and she’d prefer to stay in Hancock’s good books.

She was stifling a yawn when the clink of caps hit the counter, a pair of sunglasses attached to a shit-eating grin leering over the edge of a counter. 

“Am I too late for a drink?”

Gene rolled the crinks from her neck, moving the dirty rag away from the stranger on the counter. She longed to tell him to fuck off, to crawl back home and get more than four hours sleep before her next shift began, but her ongoing tenancy at the Rexford was eating a hole in the small amount of caps she carried. Besides, the verbal tirade Charlie would give her wasn’t worth the extra shut eye, even if he forgot that his flesh and bone employee still needed basic human functions.

Not asking the man what he wanted, she poured a whiskey for both, making it a double on second thought. She pushed it towards him. “Only because I felt like one too.”

“Cheers,” he grinned, downing his glass and tapping the edge for a refill. Raising an eyebrow, Gene topped them both up.

“I think you’re a little late to the party honey, most of the folk finish drinking when Mags finishes her encore.”

The man leaned back on the bar stool, a hand clutched to his chest as if his words had wounded him. “In Goodneighbor, seriously? I thought you guys knew how to party.”

Cradling her drink in her hand, Gene resumed spot cleaning the bar. “We do, but it’s also a Tuesday. Even the loosest townsfolk still have jobs to go to, most of which are better performed with some semblance of sleep beforehand.” Shrugging, she added, “How else do you think we afford the drinks?”

“Point taken.”

Moving around the counter, Gene began lifting the chairs up on to their tables, the long-held hospitality sign that “Fuck off, we’re closing”. She resolved to leave the floors to Charlie. Grateful for the job or not, she was not cleaning super mutant brains, or brahmin shit, or whatever the hell got dragged through the venue for a third night in a row. She had basically scrubbed the skin raw from her hands trying to remove the stench the day before.

 Popping two cigarettes into his not-unattractive mouth, the man’s long fingers lit the two with a gold-plated lighter, before holding one out to her. The soft smoke beckoned like a long-forgotten lover, whispering of a bad habit she had broken a lifetime ago but saw no point in upholding now. 

“Do these cigarettes have radiation? You know what- don't answer that.” Tilting her chin to him, “Do you mind, I kind of have my hands full.”

He held out the cigarette to her lips, letting her take a deep drag and releasing with a sigh, it’s warmth sparking something (nostalgia?) in her chest. Putting the chair down, she grabbed her smoke from him and took another draw. 

“So, are you from the same factory that they shipped old mate Charlie from? Whilst I do like that they kept the accent, the exterior is vastly improved.”

“Do you flirt with all women by asking if they’re synths? Because I can’t imagine it working out too well for you.”

He leaned forward, shit-eating grin returning. “Call it professional curiosity. If I phrase it as, ‘where are you from,’ will you answer?”

She blew the smoke in his direction. “England. You? Your accent hardly screams Massachusetts.”

He shrugged. “A little bit of everywhere. I never stay in the same place for too long. Makes me antsy.” Stubbing his cigarette out on his boot, he leaned back in his stool again. “So… How long have you been in beautiful Boston?”

Dumping her cigarette in his half-finished drink, she leaned forward to analyse his face. He was older, for sure, soft lines indenting his pale skin, which seemed a shade too pale for his dark hair. Behind the sunglasses, she could make out the softest scattering of freckles and damage, a faded scar that acted as a reminder of the horrors of the wasteland. He seemed… familiar, in a way. The same way a long-lost teacher or classmate would be, recognisable but hazy without context.

“Have we met?” When he pulled a face, she added, “you seem awful friendly for a guy that just wants a last drink.”

“And here I thought bartenders were the natural ear to the average man.” 

She stared him down, unwavering.

“I just have one of those faces, doll.”

Reaching into his shirt pocket, Gene pulled herself another cigarette, letting him hold out the lighter flame for her to lean into.

“It’s a good face honey, but you’re not answering the question.”

He grabbed the cigarette from her, taking a draw then handing it back with a smirk.

“I’ll make you a deal. You let me walk you home, and we’ll continue our little game of 20 questions.”

Resting on the counter, she leaned forward until he came closer to her, cocking his head to the side like she was about to reveal a secret. Exhaling slowly, she blew a plume of smoke towards his face.

“You help me finish closing up the bar, and maybe I’ll think about letting you.”

Hi, this is rambley, unedited, and didn’t turn out at all like I hoped, but I was determined to get at least one prompt out today.

[la-bruja-de-la-literatura]

Confessions of a Budget Witch

Originally posted by me, in the "Witches & Pagans" Amino.

Let's get this out of the way right now: Being a witch on a tight budget sucks.

Being on a tight budget in general sucks, but this entry is focusing on witches on budgets, and the shadowy, consumerist side of witchcraft and paganism circles. So hold on to your brooms, brujxs, this is going to be a log post.

The Aesthetic/ Instagram Witch

Before anybody throws stones, I have an Instagram account (with this same name). I'm not against the witch aesthetic.

In fact, I think it's great that so many people are passionate enough about art to create these wonderful images. I adore those photos with rose quartz crystal balls and points next to delicate himalayan salt lamps and towering pastel pink candles, and the magnificent bundles of dried roses and lavendar.

Would I want all of those? Goddess, no. Cleaning up all the pouring wax alone would drive me insane, and thinking of all the vacuuming involved with all the dried herbs littering the floor makes me want to take a nap.

And yet, when I close my eyes, I think of some of those images of tall candles littering an altar, of a big crystal ball and tall crystal points. I think of creating big, elaborate crystal grids. I think of a nice stone mortal and pestle I've been wanting to buy for years.

Reality, however, has to hit sometime, and for me it's always when I check my bank account and remember that I barely pay rent with my current salary on most months. I constantly need help with groceries, medical and cellphone expenses. It's gotten better, but I still am not completely financially independent.

That said, I'm fortunate enough to still have some money to buy the things I enjoy, mostly crystals, candles and readings these days. I desperately want to support other witches/spiritual healers, so I carefully look over my finances and put aside some cash for them.

Does this mean I am any less frustrated? No.

In fact, a lot of my anger bubbles up when I read a new spell or witch book with a list of ingredients, always with the note saying like "you can always substitute ingredients, but it won't have the same effect". Which begs the question of why I bother looking up spells in the first place when I usually only have kitchen herbs and my 10-15 crystals (which is quite a lot of pretty rocks as it is). I feel like all these resources ask for the few things I do not have.

Now, I won't say that all sources are like this.

Websites and YouTube channels on minimalistic witchcraft are mostly free, and books like "Light Magic for Dark Times" by Lisa Marie Basille and "Holistic Energy Magic" by Tess Whitehurst, for example, have little to no need to buy a list if ingredients. However, these tend to be the minority in the witchcraft community.

Is that the budget witches fault? Absolutely not. We all have bills to pay and real-world responsibilities. The fact that we still fit this stuff into our lives just shows how much the Craft means to us. Which beings me to my next point...

Finding Affordable and Functional Tools

Western Witchcraft tends to rely heavily on materials and tools to gain results. While many witches guarentee that you "only need yourself" to do magick, the reality is that magick without tools is incredibly difficult and almost impossible for baby witches.

The good news is that stores (in the US, at least) like Five Below and Dollar General are selling some basic stuff like candles, essential oils, crystals and incense at low prices. That said, aside from the candles, glass jars, wooden boxes and incense holders, many of those tools are low-quality. Most of the essential oils I've found at these stores, for example, are perfumed and not real plant-based oils. Tarot decks from places like Wish are usually cheap bootleg imitations that are also low-quality (and also don't support the creators). Another disadvantage is that we aren't supporting the metaphysical community when you buy from these places, which is something I find frustrating. Lastly, I've also noticed that cheap crystals are not not mined ethically, and that is another thing that I personally try to avoid buying cheap if I can.

Now, some common stores, such as pharmacies and grocery stores, are still quite useful to the budget witch. Pharmacies tend to have plant-based and cruelty-free essential oils and diffusers for good prices. Just make sure to research what can harm pets if you have them. Tea tree oil is very toxic to dogs, for example, but lavendar is not. However, lavendar is harmful to cats. Make sure to know what you're using if your pets are around you. Grocery stores are also great places to get cheap dried herbs.

Law of Attraction and The Root Chakra

If you've been reading my post, you'll have noticed that I do not like the Law of Attraction. So we are all clear, I am not against having goals, or following your dreams or passions. I am against the way this system makes the practitioner feel responsible for factors out of their control. (There is a Tumblr post that also explains how the ideology of LOA falls withing the B.I.T.E. model, which is used to identify cult ideology. I'll link it here soon).

I have also become incredibly wary of using chakras, as the popularized system that most witches use today were made-up by a white author.

What bothers me more than any of the aforementioned things is when other practitioners state that those of us in a difficult financial situation are either not working with our root chakras (which focuses on finantial stability, and livliehood) or just aren't using the Law of Attraction well enough. Blaming these kinds of difficulties on budget witches is not only shameful, but it's also usually a marketing tactic used by certain folks to make those of us desperate for money to want to buy their services to "learn how to get rich" or at least financially stable enough to thrive.

If you are interested in using the Western chakras, there are cost-effective ways to work on them, such as using meditation. Again, YouTube is a rich resource for hundreds of free and effective guided meditations on anything from chakras to spirit guides.

Also, let's not forget our good old friend, Practicality. When you get an infection, for example, your priority should the doctor/medical professional first before witchcraft, unless you have a herbal specialist that can create a safe and effective holistic medication (and this person should be, again, a professional). In the same vein, if your are going through a financial rough spot, buying a bunch of root chakra candles or crystals in the hope that your situation will improve is contradictory to what you need to do: save that money. Maybe get one or two inespensive things if you can. If not, use the free resources on hand.

Don't Allow This to Discourage You

As much as many of us claim not to need tools (and I applaud you if you manage with so little, willingly or not), the truth is that most of us like to have things on hand, and I am no exception. Books, candles, crystals, decks and herbs are what I spend my money on. I am aware that there is a materialistic aspect to the way I choose to work. I even have a cauldron and a professionally made wand, despite not being Wiccan and using both for only special occasions. Heck, right now the cauldron is just housing a bled of herbs to cleanse anything I put in it.

That's my choice. I save for some months and then buy little by little. But there are other ways to be an effective budget witch and thrive.

For example, many witches on this site have pointed out that you can make your own tools, such as wands or altar decorations, out of sticks and rocks. Some folks prefer finding their own tools. Just be careful not to pick up anything poisonous, or disturb the nest of any animals that may be around. Also, do NOT eat anything off the ground unless you are 100% sure what it is and that it has been grown in clean soil. Go to the supermarket for edible herbs if you can't find a local market or herb shop. A quick online search will help with that, and you'll be acquainted with your environment.

Tea is also another wonderful resource for the budget witch. It is easy to find, usually under $5 a box (in the USA) and good for you. Again, it's still wise to be careful when trying new herbs, but I find most tea companies will stick to fruits amd common herbs like chamomile and peppermint, to name a few. Honey pairs well with tea, great for magick, and also very accessible. You can also open tea bags for a spell, or invest in loose herb mixes and a strainer. Try buying a teapot if possible. If not, boil your water in a pot over the stove, microwaved tea isn't as good. Trust me.

Tips & Tricks

🖤Crystals are just as effective if they are small or pocket-sized, and usually a lot cheaper that way. There is the bonus perk of being able to carry them with you on the go in your bag or pockets.

🖤Use non-magickal sources as well a magickal ones to identify herbs and crystals so you can be sure they won't harm you. Crystals can also be toxic.

🖤Some people (myself included) believe normal rocks to be just as powerful as crystals. You can even try painting them the color you want to manifest, or you can put sigils on them.

🖤There are free digital tarot apps that are great for readings and having a deck with you wherever you go. The Labyrinthos and Kawaii Tarot apps are the ones I currently use.

🖤Plastic flowers and fruit can be cost-effective decor for your altar, and maybe even an offering or representation of your deity(ies) if you have any.

🖤Epsom salts are relatively cheap, and adding your own essential oils to them in a tub or foot bath is a great spa day remedy and good for metaphysical and physical cleansing. Just make sure they are real essential oils, and look up the correct dosage.

🖤White vinegar is also affordable, and efficient glass, counter-top and carpet cleaner. It also has protective properties along with salt, and it's great for cleaning your altar, if you can stand the smell.

Some Resources:

My Go-To Etsy Stores for Ethical and Affordable Crystal Buying: (I am not a sponsor for these stores, nor am I being paid to advertise them).

The Spiritnectar

Moonrise Crystal

Ethically-Sourced & Affordable Crystals. My order came with a tea bag as well!

Crystal LionGems

Budget Witch Videos:

The Witch of Wonderlust on Low-Budget Witchcraft

Magickians Budget Witch Guide

Cheap Places to Get Books that Aren't Amazon:

Thriftbooks

BookOutlet

Or rent books at your local library! You can also make requests if they don't have what you're looking for.

That's all for now, brujxs. Please tell me your thoughts, and how you handle being a budget witch. Stay safe, witchy and freaky. 💜

[kpopopolis]

Day 15:

New mission y’all: rescue my mother-in-law’s dog for the rest of the pandemic. Poor baby has a cone on him because he’s been chewing on his paws. I knew them all being packed in for the lockdown would stress out the poor thing. I talked about energy signatures wafting off them for years and no one listened to me because it sounded too woo-woo. Well, it feels good to be right, dammit. 

My mother-in-law and the rest of the house have been arguing over STUPID shit like how to wash a pan because none of them are in therapy. The writing on the wall was up years ago and I’m cackling now. Their unwillingness to be accountable for their own baggage and the insistence on wearing a victim mentality like a regal gown is why I always tried to avoid family functions lmao! They don’t know how to self-inspect and self-heal in the face of prolonged confinement. All of that can be learned on the internet for free, but people don’t do it. It’s hard and it hurts, so they don’t.

In case you guys didn’t know, that’s why so many people who used to say they’re “fine” are either raging, maniacally laughing on the shitter, emotionally shattering over an empty chip bag, or fantasizing about disappearing into the sunset now. They were never fine, y’all. They were just too busy with their low-paying, overworked job(s) and making excuses so they could avoid confronting the pieces of themselves that needed to change in order to live their best life. I know this because it hit me a few months before it hit everyone else. Now I try to tell people to ya know, consider, getting in a nice walk every now and then. Go outside or open a window and take a deep breath and remember you’re still alive and capable of change! IT AIN’T OVER! But they don’t do that. They spend 40 minutes talking about the pandemic response in a state they don’t even live in and wonder why they have diarrhea. It’s the stress, honey. Stress-shits.

And now the poor dog’s suffering for it. I am 100% down to taking him for a while to rescue him from the rest of the family. Then we can hang out and go on walks and I can pretend I can afford a pet for a month. His favorite toy to play with is a milk jug and I have one. I can give it love and cuddles and ice cubes and walks. I don’t watch the news or tie people up on the phone talking about what-ifs with the stress-shits running down my unwashed leg. I read it for about ten minutes a day which is all I need to prepare for the next day. Then I enjoy life or at least try to.

The astounding thing to me at Day 15 is how people act like all this is a surprise. Truthfully, very little has changed in my country. Of course, the government doesn’t give a fuck beyond the market shares. Of course, the rich are going to do whatever they can to scrape off our skins and make a fancy ass leather handbag out of it, sell it back to us. Of course, the health insurance companies are gonna raise premiums and CEO salaries in the same year. Of course, we have enough money to fix things and help practically no one. Of course, the poor are doing without their most basic needs yet are being asked to sacrifice more to help the country.

What kind of America were other people living in? It has always been this way. Fear has always been used as a tool for group control. That’s why a lot of the toilet paper ended up getting resold on the internet at an upcharge. Take all the masks off the shelves, create the scarcity to stoke the fear, then sell it back to the sheep at a premium. We’re being encouraged to make cloth masks at home with sewing skills from Karen at suburban/homemaker/working mom YouTube but Amazon makes how much money? How much taxes do they pay? COME ON! In the early 20th century, that company would have been broken up. Now, I bet the market price of sewing machines, cloth, etc. are inching upwards. Karen’s tutorial on how to make masks may go viral in the name of patriotism and what do you think will happen? That’s right, ADS--more money for who? Not the poor nursing student living off ramen on the front line at the ICU, that’s for damn sure.

[shoptimized]

I make too much money to still be broke.

The first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem in the first place.

I make a US$66,000 salary, which is pretty decent for where I live. I saved $7,000 to move to a new state, rent a one-bedroom apartment and live alone for the first time. (I’ve always relied on living with other people to help pay the rent, but during this “anything goes” COVID situation in the US I realized it’d be better for my mental health to finally move out on my own.) 

When I moved into this apartment in May, I told myself that minimalism would help me stay on-budget. With that in mind, I splurged on the essential things that I knew would make me feel more at home and establish new routines — nice new cookware, a Fellow digital kettle, a Thuma bed frame that Instagram convinced me I needed...and because I was coming from San Francisco, where the cost of living is completely insane and nothing is reasonably priced, suddenly I could afford anything I wanted with no problem! I adopted a rescue cat, installed bookshelves, bought my first “smart home” thing (an Alexa Dot speaker) and some Philips Hue smart lights I could control with my voice. Fancy! Oh, wait...wasn’t I supposed to be “minimalist?”

Please note, my dear, probably nonexistent reader, that it doesn’t end there. As I began to fill out my apartment, every new addition inspired another. I have a smart home assistant now, so shouldn’t I have more than one Smart Thing to connect it to? I bought a smart TV. But my apartment is a bit small, so I should hang the TV on the wall to save space! I bought a TV mount. Oh, and my Redbubble side business will be easier to launch if I have a scanner...but here’s a scanner-printer combo that’s also Alexa-capable! Obviously that’s the more optimized choice. But now I need a place to put it...time to install more shelves! While I’m at it, I’m working full-time and going back to school next month, so I should put some effort into getting organized...time to hit up Container Store? All the while, I continued to voraciously consume the local pillow market. Bed pillows, throw pillows, floor pillows, body pillows...so many pillows! So much comfort!

This is my problem. That $7,000 ran out months ago. The phrase “I should look at my budget” only enters my brain the day before payday, and no other day. I paid for the essential furniture with my debit card using money I already had, but by the time I got to the “throw pillow” circle of hell, I was using “buy now pay later” services like Klarna and Affirm. On pillows. Pillows! I realized my TV was purchased through a lease-to-own business for twice its value over a week after it had been delivered to my home. 

For the amount of money that I earn, I shouldn’t even need to think about these sorts of services. Back when I was actually struggling I used my upbringing as an excuse for why I’m living paycheck to paycheck; my mom wasn’t great with money either, and she didn’t like her “little girl” going outside on her own, so I wasn’t allowed to get a job in my teens. She died when I was still in high school, and I was wholly unprepared to fend for myself or participate in the economy. I wallowed in a painful period of underemployment, couchsurfing, and struggling to put myself through college, but I “picked myself up by my bootstraps” as well as I could, eventually dropping out of college to take an internship that turned into a lucrative job. As soon as I was getting paid enough to furnish the comforts I never had as a child, I dove right into late-stage capitalism and never looked back.

At 30 years old, that look back is way overdue. I’m going back to school — which costs money. I have a (cat) son now and would love to adopt a dog soon, both of whom will costs lots of money to keep healthy and happy. I have a therapist, who is worth every penny, but good god does she cost money. I don’t buy things I don’t value, or keep things I don’t use; I can look around my apartment and tell you what everything cost me and why I have it. I spent so much of my energy in COVID making this place as perfect, as functional, as OpTiMiZeD as possible, and I regret nothing! 

That’s the problem. All of this stuff is necessary, sure, but the timing wasn’t. I needed a printer a month from now, so why did I overdraft my debit card to get it last week? Why did I agree to adopt the cat without at least some savings to back me up in case of an emergency? I mean, shit...what about my own health? I am lucky enough to have a health savings account...with nothing in it, because I keep withdrawing money. Why do I feel such an urgent need every payday to drive my account balance back to zero in the name of “optimization?” Spending all of my money on Friday makes it impossible for me to be in my friends’ lives the next Wednesday. What’s more, I need to save money for a computer this year, and I want to buy a car next year. If I logically understand why I should save my money, why can’t I do it? What is keeping me in this ongoing loop of “optimizing” my space when saving would help me optimize my life and overall happiness?

I started this blog to chronicle my journey through compulsive shopping, retail therapy, and overspending in hopes that I can find other people who have started from the bottom of financial literacy, like me, and lived to tell the tale. Has anyone else been caught in this vicious cycle, or currently going through it? Say hey, if you have. Or feel free to lurk and watch my journey to financial stability from afar. Thanks for dropping by, either way. :)

[metareview]

mindhunter sentence starters episode 3 - 4.

i'm gonna grab coffee. you want some?

how's your family?

since when did you care about any of that?

i'm adopting a façade of caring.

you want to dive right in?

i've read a lot about you.

sure, these men all have wives, kids, dogs, goldfish, but not because they stopped being psychopaths, but because they just had different leanings.

do you think they have the same underlying personality traits?

it's crazy in the way that anyone with a truly new idea is crazy.

that hasn't been the feedback we've gotten so far - actually, this is the only feedback we've gotten so far.

these men are just sitting here, locked up, and we're too afraid of the morality of it to see the far-reaching value of their insights.

i didn't realise this was so informal.

you think people would be interested in this outside of law enforcement?

imagine, like, truly imagine what it takes to bludgeon someone to death.

narcissists don't go to the doctor. psychopaths are convinced that there is nothing wrong with them.

i've spent enough time with him to know what it means when he gets that crazy look.

you know, this is really important work.

it's good to get some encouragement, even if our hands are tied.we realise this is somewhat unorthodox.

well, that's the last time we give them advanced notice.

ever feel like you're on the cusp of something and it keeps spinning out in your head?

did you smoke my pot?

not only is this exactly what we predicted, but he's getting a taste for it. there will be more.

your unsub will have bite marks.

guys in unhappy marriages have hair triggers. they lash out.

my bet is poor white trash.

well, now what has he done?

who the hell have you brought into my home?

just take a fucking moment to breathe.

you trying to suck me off?

what kind of fucking question is that?

don't you stick up for yourself?

what a bitch.

i think she actually likes me.

there's nothing behind his eyes. it's like standing near a black hole.

we're good at this shit, even if it turns my stomach.

guys in my high school always thought my mom was hot and it always really disgusted me.

i can't let these guys rub off on me - the way they view sex. and women.

if going down on me while i'm filing my nails is your idea of being kinky...--

i'm kinky. i'm very kinky.

i could impale you with this nail file.

you sound like you have a crush on teacher.

i'm teaching a class on the intersection of sociopathy and fame.

how do you get to be the president of the united states if you're a sociopath?

you think this might help?

what do you say we get down to brass tacks?

how did you choose your victims?

you want to diddle around, we'll walk out of here. we'll go have a nice leisurely lunch wherever the fuck we want, and then take the picturesque drive home.

what he's too polite to say is we're talking to men like you because we can't understand how someone could fuck up their life so completely before he's barely old enough to vote.

i gotta keep checking in or they send me back.

it's like the idea of doing it pops into your head like a - like a sneeze, you know what i mean?

your science buddy might have something there.

you don't expect us to buy your mercy horseshit.

he's an olympic-class bullshitter.

we just need to extract what's useful and discard the rest.

here's the fucking law, pal!

why am i so upset?

i didn't see it coming. you could've been killed and i didn't see it coming.

i feel like we're failing him somehow.

you have no idea what i'm trying to say, do you?

let's make that our term of art.

isn't that just life?

what else is a criminal except somebody who can't function in society?

why do i get the sense that 'reductive' is your worst insult?

i meant to say you were right.

i did not want to be in california, that's for sure. nobody wanted me there either.

when i was nine, i shot my cousin in the ass with that gun.

i got into all kinds of shit.

nobody wanted me. nobody on this earth ever wanted me.

you guys mind if i bother you a minute?

you don't think somebody local did this?

we shouldn't jump ahead of forensics, am i right?

we're gonna have to go over ground you've covered: witnesses, crime scene. we don't mean that as a challenge to you.

we're all on the same side.

i'm not trying to make you feel bad... maybe a little.

i'm curious why you're cutting this guy so much slack.

he's never seen this kind of thing before. he's rattled.

without a doubt, you have more experience, but why rub it in his face?

what did the killer see in her?

you need to be with family at times like this.

no apology necessary. we're all learning as we go.

events we process as good news sometimes hits these killers the wrong way.

sometimes the killer will insinuate himself into the investigation.

what kind of dog do you have?

if we want to find something out, we will.

i was scared the cops might want me for it, okay?

those wounds were inflicted posthumously.

you're not under arrest.

the idiot was with me the whole night.

nine times out of ten, it's the boyfriend, husband, somebody close.

can't say how much i appreciate all your help.

you're in the middle of an ongoing investigation?

my assumption is that you're good at your job, which means you're gonna be more focused on solving an actual crime than the theoretical work we're doing.

we can't end crime, no matter what we do.

the psychopath understands how to play his audience.

i'm trying to frame an overall taxonomy, except i don't know where to start.

the class is great, but he's obsessed with the meaning of shit.

all shit has meaning, man.

should i be jealous?

would i have invited her to go out with us if i was interested in her?

i've seen men do stranger things.

do you plan on getting married? having kids, the whole thing?

for a fed, he's not so bad at having a good time.

are you in law enforcement also?

i'm not intimidated being around women who are smarter than me.

he has a lot of flaws, but surprisingly, that's not one of them.

is there anything i need to know?

my job is to provide guidance and quite a bit of protection.

you have stepped outside of the shade of my umbrella and you are now exposed to direct sunlight.

so much for the protection i might have afforded you.

congratulations, i suppose.

[g3n3ration-h3x]

TLDR: My mom is recently disabled and unable to work, because of this we couldn’t afford our rent and had to move in with my abusive, alcoholic grandfather. I also had to start working overtime while juggling my college classes to keep up with our finances, including my mom’s medical bills. But I managed to keep up with all of this until I was in a bad car wreck recently and no longer had a reliable way to get to work or school. On top of all this, last week my grandfather was drunk and when I was leaving for work he randomly blew up on me and started choking me and punched me in the face several times when I tried to fight back. I was able to get a good hit in and get away, but he told me not to come back or he’d kill me and frankly I believe him. So me and my mom, my grandma and our dog all moved out immediately, but we don’t have anywhere to go now. Some family friends let us stay with them through the weekend and we’ve been staying in a little hotel since then but we don’t have enough money for another night after tonight so if you could donate any amount at all it would be a huge help to me and my family and we would be so grateful! Thanks for your time though guys, I hope you all have a great rest of your day!! :)

Hey guys so I want to apologize in advance for this, and I also want to apologize for my slow activity here recently. I know this isn’t really akin to my normal edgy content on here and I promise once my situation improves we will return to the regularly scheduled edginess. Plus I’ve also been working on a couple songs I want to drop and share on here with you guys, but I don’t have access to any of my recording or editing equipment right now, given my current situation. They’ve got that horrorcore vibe though so I think you guys would dig it!

But really this all started last fall when my mom became unable to work because she kept falling over and/or passing out at work, she couldn’t maintain a good grip on things because her hands began to hurt and shake, her short-term memory was functioning horribly, etc. Obviously at this point she was a liability to her company and she soon left work on short-term disability because her neurologist suspected she had Parkinson’s disease, somewhere between stages 3 and 4. However this was not a clear diagnosis because the nature of my mom’s sickness is bizarre, and so the doc wanted to run some more tests before he came to a final decision with his diagnosis.

At the same time, while all of this was going on, my mom had started the process of applying for a long-term disability claim while the neurologist ran more tests, but it’s a lengthy process that could take up to a year. In the mean time, I’ve been managing to shoulder all our expenses by juggling working overtime while still going to college. I was and still am the only one working in our household, but I managed to make it work up until about a month ago when I was in a bad car accident, leaving me without reliable transportation to work or school until I can afford to fix my car.

Luckily I have some amazing friends and a lovely girlfriend that have been helping me get to where I need to go, but obviously this is just a temporary solution, I can’t expect them to keep going out of their way for me forever. But right now virtually my entire paycheck is going towards my ADHD medication, my mom’s medical bills and medications, and bare necessities like groceries and gas.

On top of all this, the situation escalated and became dire last Wednesday when my grandfather blew up on me out of nowhere and attacked me as I was leaving for work, and he choked me and punched me in the face several times when I tried to resist him. Fortunately I was able to get away after I hit him in the face and his head went back and hit the wall, but he threatened to kill me if I ever came back to the house. I’m still not quite sure what sparked the whole thing, but I can only assume that it has to do with my sexuality and my relationship with my girlfriend.

So we’re now homeless, we all moved out together and a family friend let us stay at their house through the weekend and we’ve been staying in a little motel since then, but we’re all out of money now and we aren’t sure where we are going to stay after tonight. This is serious guys, I promise I wouldn’t be asking for help like this if it wasn’t. We’re desperate and I’m at my wit’s end, so I’m gonna swallow my pride right now and ask for help. I just need some help getting back up on my feet and I’ll take it from there. Seriously guys anything helps, I just need enough to pay for first’s month rent someplace so I can focus on getting my car fixed and going back to work full time. I set up a Venmo and PayPal that you can make donations to if you’d like to help out, literally any amount at all helps, cause we don’t even have much to eat right now. Also my girlfriend is doing art commissions and selling jewelry on her instagram to raise money if you would rather help out that way, I’m gonna put all the info at the bottom. But honestly it would be a huge help even if you just reblogged this post so the word would get out to more people! I’m grateful for any help you guys can offer, you don’t know how much it means to me and my family, thank you guys so much, seriously! Of course you aren’t obligated to donate anything though, and I don’t think it makes you a bad person if you don’t, I’m just putting this out there so people know I need a little help getting back on my feet right now. And again, once my situation is more stable, I’ll be able to go back to a more consistent schedule on here and finish the couple songs I’ve been working on so I can share them on here with you guys.

Again, I’m really sorry about all of this. Thank you guys for taking the time to read this though and thank you for your time in general, I hope all of you have a great rest of your weekend, and again I want to thank you all for all your help, me and my family appreciate it so much, seriously! So thanks guys, sorry for being a bother!!

Venmo - @generationhex

PayPal - PayPal.Me/generationhex

Instagram - https://instagram.com/tiendita.angelito?igshid=1fpafnafw7flr

[if-there-was-any-more-left-of-me]

I need to get this all down.

I shake all day long. My hands mostly, but my whole body too.

I'm always either starving or nauseous and wanna throw up. Nothing I eat makes it better. I crave garbage food and shovel down sugary snacks as fast as I can.

I'm always bloated, painfully so, and gassy. My stomach is swollen and hard, and it hurts to sit, stand, or lay down. I'm constipated most of the week, then visited with violent, painful, explosive diarrhea.

I'm thirsty and I drink and drink and drink but I never feel better.

I can't go to sleep til 5 or 6 am. I wake up at 7 or 8,go back to sleep, wake up at 11 or so and eat breakfast then go back to sleep til 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 pm. When I wake up, I am always The Most Tired I have ever been. I never wake up feeling happy or rested or content. I often have these really intense dreams that are more exhausting than being awake and I wake up panting, shaking, hot and sweaty (even with AC, a fan, and just a sheet), and feeling as though I had been clenching my whole body tight for hours.

Every sound is the most annoying sound ever. The radio, people talking, electronics, pet lickiing foot, water filter. My ears feel big and hollow and resonate these sounds like a big empty tin barn. Some sounds feel more like a thin, long drill bit being driven deep down in my ear.

I can't smile or laugh. I can't lift my head up.

I am so depressed and so angry. I hate the government, I hate the public for letting it all happen, I hate my mother for squandering our money and getting my health insurance canceled and for acting like she's not responsible for me being so sick.

I hate being trapped in this house where I can't even flush the toilet. I hate that my only outing is driving to go feed all the cats.

I hate that I can't use my phone consistently to escape because of the shitty service. I hate that my friends have all forsaken me and don't even wonder about me let alone want to see me.

My memory is gone. I can't remember anything, what time it is, what day it is, who I was just talking to, what I ate for breakfast. I don't know anything. My brain doesn't work. I used to be funny and clever and genuinely smart. But right now I can't figure out how to turn the shower on. People ask me questions and I can't answer. I can't listen to conversation because I dissociate so hard.

My head hurts all the time. Much worse having to drive facing the sunset. I can't see from it. Just painful white glare.

My diabetic neuropathy is getting much worse than the Gabapentin can handle. My feet are numb and everything I touch hurts my hands. Having to do things with my fingers is excruciating.

My back hurts all the time, whether I am trying to work or not. In addition to my lower back injury, it now hurts up high. Any way I move my neck or arms hurts.

I am dizzy all the time. Standing up feels woozy and thick. My knees, ankles, hips buckle when I walk. Obviously, walking hurts my numb feet. I have no sense of balance anymore. I used to be strong and steady.

Without my insurance, I can't follow through with the important testing my GI doctor was doing, which was originally to find out what was causing all my digestive problems, but then also included making sure something she found wasn't cancerous. But that's not important.

I can't afford my allergy pills, which are not important.

I can't see my podiatrist to fix my horribly painful ingrown toenails. Not important.

Can't see the pain management doctor who prescribes my pain medication and does minor pain alleviating procedures. Not important.

Can't see my psychiatrist who was in the process of trying out new depression medication and getting me to a level of functioning. I'm stuck in limbo with a medication that doesn't work for me.

Definitely can't see a therapist cuz even if I could afford it, I would be told every day what a waste it is and that I should manage my problems like SHE does, by yelling at my family and belittling my elderly husband (no that was a actual conversation we had)

Can't afford to get my regular blood work done by my regular doctor that she always insists we do monthly because we're very sick, unmanaged diabetics. I'm not even getting to take the diabetes medication I'm supposed to I'm just taking whatever free samples she has in office

God I miss going to the doctor. But that's not important. You know what's important? A 2005 red ford mustang pony edition that's held under titlemax. I have been told many times that that car will not be relenquished no matter what else has to go. I think that includes m8. Because I am very sick but I keep being told that I am imagining that I can't go to the doctor. I'm imagining that I can't afford my prescription.

Am I imagining the sick cat with a massive infection that's eaten a 2" by 4" patch of skin off his back that he licks raw every day? Am I imagining not being able to afford to take him to the vet? Am I imagining the massive tumors on HER dog? The dozens of them? I guess it's fine that she dies as long as we get to keep the mustang.

I am definitely imagining that the house is infested with millions of fleas and we can't afford the good medication (ie the $15/animal stuff that actually kills fleas) for 3 dogs and 16 cats.

Definitely imagining not being able to get get 14 wild kittens spayed and homed.

But I know I am not imagining the dozens of stray cats we spend more money on every day that we feed. Those are real.

More real I guess than my sister's need for therapy or my dad's need for dental surgery after all of his teeth have rotted out and the infection is getting ready to spread.

But that's not important. My teeth aren't important and it is definitely my fault for not going to the dentist that I have holes and cavities and pain and shit and definitely not because SHE complained constantly about me wasting money by going to the dentist every year (back when we had money) and then obviously not going anymore once the money dried up.

I remember her screaming at me in 2017,threatening to tell the doctors and police that I refused to take my medicine so they'd lock me up because she didn't like how I responded to some of the dozen different meds I tried that year. I remember because now she has convinced herself that I never take my medicine and that all my problems would go away if I would just take my medicine.

I'm so sick. I'm so scared. I'm so angry. I don't know what to do. I just want to scream and tear myself open.

It's getting worse. And every time I say that I'm upset about concentration camps or not being able to get the medicine I need, I get told to take more medicine. I can't take this level of invalidation. The gaslighting. I do not know what is real anymore.

This seems like an afterthought but I also can't buy any healthy snacks to maybe cut back on the horrifying amount of sugar I consume every day because all the food money goes to pet food and sugary treats. And I get yelled at for asking for less sugar in the house. Told to just eat something else but there is nothing else. I don't know what to do. Lacy makes these watery soups out of whatevers in the fridge to feed us. But I want real food.

I can't stop shaking. I know why I am so goddamn sick. Because I am malnourished, angry, frightened, stressed out to the maximum, and have no recourse. Every complaint is met with gaslighting or being told to take more antidepressants, as though they're some kind of magic happy pills.

I want to check myself into the hospital but I can't afford it. I would have already killed myself but I am not villainous enough to abandon my 85 yr old deaf dad whose had 4 strokes and does all the outside work and whom mom screams and ridicules mercilessly. And my sister who's anxiety is on a hair trigger and whom mom loves to trigger and laugh at her panic.

I need a miracle. I need help. I need someone to fucking shoot me in the face. God kill me please I can't take this anymore please

[photoddgrapher]

Ahoy Mateys!

I am brand new to this platform. I just signed up because I recently started following a Youtube Channel called Photo Assignments. That group started about 3 years ago and I am just starting out today. In the introduction of the Photography Assignments Channel, Ted Forbes (The Art of Photography) suggested that we sign up for a Tumblr account. So being a good student, I decided to follow his lead.

I am a sailor and I enjoy taking photos. My wife Jojo paddles Hawaiian outrigger canoes and our dog Lulu is starting her own blog and that is why you’re going to be witness to a mish-mash of all kinds of stuff in this Tumblr blog. I also author a few other blogs, so I will be treating this space as my laboratory, testing ground and/or staging area until I am comfortable enough with the platform to actually publish a blog with it.

I’ll give you a little background about my photography. I have been taking pictures since I was 5 or 6 years old. I remember my very first camera, a Kodak Brownie that my father gave me. I would shoot black and white photos while traveling with the family every summer throughout my childhood. From then on I recall going through a series of Kodak Pocket Instamatic cameras that took those super easy-to-use 110 film cartridges. It wasn’t until I got into High School when I would own my first 35mm SLR Camera (again a gift from my parents).

That 1st SLR was the infamous Pentax K-1000. Boy, that camera sure did make me feel like a grown-up. I was so stoked to have finally made it to the big leagues that I started taking my photography to the next level. I even set up my own personal photo lab in one of the bathrooms of the house. Truth be told, that was just way too much work and pretty expensive for a kid in high school. I think I dabbled in the darkroom for only a few months because it was so much easier to just drop off those film canisters to the photo store and wait a week to have the images professionally developed. That darkroom stuff was fun for a while, but way too much work.

In college, I managed to destroy a Canon AE-1 which I loaned to a friend to take on a hiking trip. When I got the camera back, it was all sticky and completely ruined. Apparently, there was a leaky fruit punch container in the same backpack that he was carrying my camera around in. I learned early on not to loan gear to friends, unless it was something I could afford to lose. Luckily for me though, that little hiking faux pas was my chance to upgrade my AE-1 to the AE-1 Program which came out that same year (1981). I never got to thank my friend because I guess I was still a bit angry about having to spend $700 that I didn’t have to replace my camera (I think I had to work an entire summer for that single purchase). I would hang on to that new AE-1 Program for over 15 years. To be perfectly honest, I may still have it in storage somewhere, but I’m thinking it may have gotten sold at one of our last moving sales.

Fast forward to the digital age of photography. Those original DSLRs were frankly too damn expensive for a hobbyist. I would have to wait. In the meantime, I must’ve owned at least a half-dozen point-and-shoots. I can recall owning Olympus, Fujifilm, Canon, Panasonic and Sony gear. None of these were really serious cameras. They were handy dandy gear that could be tossed into Jojo’s purse or my backpack (these were before the advent of the phone cameras widely used by most folks today). I think I started buying these bad boys from the time that 1.3MP was the most typical resolution. Today, my iPhone’s camera is almost 10 times as sharp as those early digital cameras.

A fairly long time had passed since I owned a “real” camera and I had never before owned a Nikon. So, in early 2015 (February), I was lucky enough to win all 4 quarters of the Superbowl pool and ended up $400 richer than I was pre-game. I decided to get myself an entry-level DSLR. I went to Costco and saw that the Nikon D3300 Kit was priced at $499.99. That’s $100 over budget, so I decided to wait. One day I was shopping at Sam’s Club and noticed that they had an open box of that same kit and the price was right at $400. Voila! I was able to get into a DSLR at no cost to me (so you could say I lucked into it).

In the summer of 2015 I was asked to chair the Transpac Honolulu Photography Committee. For those who don’t know, the Transpac is a Trans-Pacific Yacht Race from Los Angeles to Honolulu which is held every other year. At that time, I was on the Waikiki Yacht Club’s Board of Directors serving as the Rear Commodore for Power and was very involved with all things WYC. I took over the committee and have been chairing it ever since. One thing that serving in this capacity brought to my attention was how much I needed to improve as a photographer. I was surrounded by professionals and I was merely taking snapshots whilst they were capturing some of the most exciting images imaginable. Action shots of racing yachts from the water, from the sky, you name it and they were capturing it. It made me feel amateurish, mainly because I was.

This year, I’ve decided to up my game. I purchased a second hand Nikon D5500 on Craigslist and decided I would start improving myself as a shooter. I took a lot of Transpac photos again this summer and I decided I wanted to shoot my wife’s Na Wahine O Ke Kai Outrigger Canoe Race from Molokai to Waikiki (41 miles). The first time she did the race was 2014 and I didn’t have the gear. She skipped a few years, and when she did the race again in 2018, I was the Commodore of the Yacht Club and I was away on the Mainland at a function hosted at St. Francis Yacht Club in San Francisco, so I missed the women’s Molokai race last year. This year, I wanted to capture the event in photographs, mostly for her to show what a truly challenging accomplishment the race is. I took a lot of shots this year and you may be able to find some of that work if you search SmugMug and Facebook. I still want to improve my skills which is why I’ve decided to start these Photo Assignments on Youtube.

I know that this was a really long post for my first Tumblr post, but I wanted to introduce myself by letting you know a little bit of my background and more importantly, why I am here. I’m not sure where I’ll be taking this, but at least I have posted something of a brief history along with what I hope to achieve with this social media space. Wish me luck. It is my intention to share without reservation, so I hope you all enjoy seeing my process from day one... Aloha!

[mothersuperior0622]

Sharing my vulnerability, because I can’t be the only one who feels this way ...

I like to journal when I feel my mind racing. I like to imagine that the rambling words and thoughts in my brain travel to my forehead, down my eyes, slide down my nose and then to the front of my throat. From there they split up and trickle along my collar bones, over to my shoulders and roll down my arms and pour through my finger tips. Afterwards I don’t always feel healed, but sometimes I feel a sense of relief. Or I can literally feel lighter, as though all of these words carry weight and I free them through to travel from my mind, through my keyboard, onto this screen. 

I feel like journaling today but i’m not sure exactly what I want to talk about. Which is strange because at this moment I feel like I have a lot on my mind. Which causes my critical mind to accuse myself of being “dramatic” and making mountains out of mole hills. As if the topics on my mind are really not that serious but my brain can’t help but to ruminate over them and cause me to make them bigger than they are. So I like to try this technique I learned in therapy. I picture the image or topic I’m obsessing over and I blow it up in my mind onto a large movie screen. And I separate myself from the thought so that I’m seated in the theater. Now, I shrink whatever is on the screen to the size of a post it note or index card. This experience makes me think of when Nick Carraway says in The Great Gatsby talks about being “within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.” I am in it I am experiencing it; it is happening to me. But sometimes to overcome or understand you need to remove yourself and watch yourself go through it as if you were vicariously watching someone else go through these things. It gives me the opportunity to look at myself and my reactions with an unbiased platform sometimes. I think this is such a simple tool, but such a pivotal one as well. 

Many of the topics I tend to obsess over can be draining and many of the “solutions” or “quick fixes” call for medication or relying on others for support. But simple imagery and changing a way of thinking has been so helpful to me. I feel like the media and research and education floods us with so many tools. And it’s exhausting figuring out which one can help you get through the basic everyday. We’re told, “change your diet and exercise,” right? But how long until you figure out a diet program or healthy way of eating that is practical for someone who can’t bring themselves to get up and cook or prepare a plate most days, let alone 3 times a day. And then which diet is good? Which turns out to do more harm then good? And exercise? Let’s assume your depression and anxiety affords you to overcome inertia and get up and get moving. Weight lifting? Great outlet for many people. Yoga and Barre too, fantastic. Spin classes and kick boxing, all have obvious benefits as outlets and rehabilitation. But is there any one that depression and anxiety will allow you to be consistent with? Reading, arts and crafts, all different kinds of hobbies can be therapeutic. But what happens when you find yourself back at square one? Even if all of these things can bring you a sense of calm and peace? What happens if despite your efforts of trying ASMR and essential oils and meditations you still cant seem to grab a hold of your stressful thoughts? Personally, I have become overwhelmed and obsessed with finding the one thing or even few things that can improve how I’m feeling. So what happens when you become overwhelmed with your searching for healing? When you’re so tired of societies views of how to “fix” anxiety and depression? We all have a little bit of each, right? So how do we learn to “live with it?”Do you finally break down and say, “Okay, ill take the medicine.” And for arguments sake, and for the sheer facts that science can support this, say that the medicine works. Am I now dependent on medication to always make me feel better? And let’s not even get into side effects of these medications. Keeping in mind, I work in the medical field and I am so very well aware of the promises of medicine, and do not intend to take away their effectiveness and how well they can work.

I like to think of my anxiety and depression as highly functioning. Meaning that they follow me each day like a cloud. Which sounds really dark and cliche in comparison to the mental image I have when I given these intangible items life-like characteristics. I can usually do all of the things that I need to do, that people need to see me do. Like get up and go to work. Care for my dogs. Sometimes I can’t find a reason or the energy to also eat though, or shower. And when I am functioning in front of others its hard for them to believe that I can struggle with such feelings of sadness and constant fears of impending doom, or rumination over past instances. Until it displays itself in the physical sense such as my ears turning bright red, or my neck and my chest exuding these bright red spots as if my stress is burning through my chest. A lot of times I’m thought to be dramatic. A lot of times people are humbled by this and feel that they can open up to me about their struggles. And even more often, there are the ignorant individuals who offer their sympathy and then in the next breath will tell me, “Stop worrying so much,” and, “Stop trying to control everything.” The issue is that I am so very well aware that I have zero control over what happens to me, and that in itself is nerve rattling for me. There’s a lot of push for “inspirational quotes” and to “stop feeling sorry for yourself” and “your life will reflect the attitude you express.” 

However, in my experience, sometimes positive thinking and good vibes aren’t enough to stop the random bouts of panic that come with no warning or reason. That leave you racking your brain for what you could possibly be worried about. And the constant push of awareness and shedding light on things that’s jammed down our throats on shareable posts on Facebook and Instagram creates new worries that I didn’t even fathom before. 

I think the main point I want to close with is that there really is no one single trick that works for everyone. That many different tools and resources can be used in conjunction to help maintain our sanity. Life is short and moments are fleeting, the next minute is unpredictable and not guaranteed. So we should eat what makes us happy. We should work out if we want, or not at all and be secure in that. I mean honestly, it would make no difference to me if Instagram influencers never shared another “leg day routine” that I just NEED to try in order to look, feel, and act happy like them. They sell a lifestyle rather than promoting true health. That’s a whole different topic though. Everyone’s journey through anxiety and depression is different, and I think that each person experiencing it should chose their healing tools independent of what society and social media tells us will “cure” us. I don’t see myself as sick, I just like to think of my average life as having more frequent speed bumps than most. So I proceed with caution, but I continue to proceed. 

[lovewinsrepresentation]

Southside School Stories

Southside Showcase Day 5: Southside High School

For one period out of everyday, the students from Southside High were required to take a course on Ethics; “Ethics” being a nice way to say that the students of Riverdale from the other side of the tracks have no morals and should be required to learn some in a Riverdale High classroom. To many, it seemed like the Northside was, once again, targeting them for not being lucky enough to be born into a family who can afford a home on the nicer side of the “Town with Pep”. 

Like any other day, there was no teacher who monitored their behavior or gave out work. During seventh period, the classroom was only filled with students affiliated with the Serpents. This included the heir to the Serpent Leadership, Jughead Jones. As a side project to potentially save the Southside from Hiram Lodge’s SoDale project, Jughead had taken it upon himself to make a documentary about the students from the Southside. Everyday, he’d ask different students about certain landmarks that were relevant to the Southside: Twilight Drive In, The Whyte Wyrm, Crystal Lake, Fox Forest, and now... Southside High.

Jughead was setting up his camera when other students of the Ethics class began to enter; all seeming very curious about what he was up to now. He had specifically caught the attention of his closest Serpent friends: Sweet Pea, Fangs Fogarty, and Toni Topaz.

“What the hell are you up to now, Jones?” Sweet Pea, the largest and angriest member of his inner circle, asked as he sat in a desk across from the camera. “Another movie about some deep, dark conspiracy going on in Riverdale?”

Jughead rolled his eyes, but refrained from rudely commenting back. “If you must know, Sweet Pea, I AM making another film. About the Southside. Since you’re already positioned right in front of the camera, you might as well go first.”

Sweet Pea dramatically ran his fingers through his hair in a mockingly feminine manner. “Where is the makeup crew? I want to be camera-ready for my closeup, Director Jones.”

“Yeah yeah” Jughead started as he finally got the camera perfectly focused on Sweet Pea’s face. Before he started rolling, he wanted to make sure Sweet Pea would be one hundred percent serious for the sake of his documentary. “Can you please be serious? This is important.”

“Whatever Jones, just start rolling.”

With that small exchange handled, the camera started rolling and Sweet Pea’s interview began.

“Can I get your name for the record, please” Jughead asked.

“Sweet Pea.”

“It is safe to assume you grew up on the Southside of Riverdale, correct?”

Rather than answering the question immediately, Sweet Pea pulled down the white turtleneck under his Riverdale High School polo to reveal his Serpent tattoo. “Does that answer your question?”

Jughead, again, refused to comment. He wanted to keep the film as authentic as possible, which meant little to know editing. If he wanted to grill Sweet Pea for his behavior, it was going to have to be after their interview had concluded. 

“Tell me about Southside High, Sweet Pea” Jughead said.

“Anything?”

He nodded behind the camera, “Anything you want.”

Sweet Pea grinned mischievously, leaning back in his chair with a newfound excitement for this seemingly mundane interview. “I could tell you all kinds of stories about the hellhole. Going there everyday was basically getting us ready for prison. Metal detectors and bag checks as you entered. Cops and dogs in every hall to find whatever drugs they assumed were moving through those hallways. The only thing that made it bearable was the Serpents. Most schools had cliques, we had gangs. It was a mess, but we made the best out of the little we had.”

“Can you tell me what the biggest difference is from being at Southside High to being at Riverdale High?”

Sweet Pea chuckled softly a little bit. Like he usually did before he made some sarcastic comment to undermine whatever statement had been said to him previously. “You really wanna know, Jones?”

He receieved a nod from Jughead. “Go ahead.”

In that moment, Jughead was able to seem something change on Sweet Pea’s face. His usual strong and brutish exterior seemed to almost melt right before his eyes and the camera. For the first time, Jughead had seen Sweet Pea look vulnerable. Innocent, even.

“At Riverdale, I can go to school safely with enough books for the entire class and functioning computers from this century.” He smiled slightly. “I can walk through graffiti free hallways. I can join actual clubs and organized sports.”

Sweet Pea paused and looked directly into Jughead’s eyes. “I like basketball, and I’m actually really good at it. I would’ve never known that if I would’ve been stuck at Southside High. For once, I go to a school where my teachers don’t sell drugs to the students and I don’t have to worry about being in a gang until after those bells ring. And you know what? I like that.”

Jughead couldn’t help but smile at the testimony he was receiving. It was honest and heartfelt; two words that generally aren’t associated with Sweet Pea or the Southsiders. He could use this to further prove the point that the Southside isn’t a stain in Riverdale that could be wiped clean. The Southside was full of people. People with families and stories to be told. Who went through normal things just like everybody else.

“Thank you, Sweet Pea. Can I ask you just one more question?”

“Fire away, Jones” Sweet Pea said back.

“Who do you think this change effects the most, on a personal level?”

Another genuine smile came to Sweet Pea’s face. “My family. My mother works three jobs and to support four kids: me, my two brothers, and our little sister. She didn’t want me to join the grow up a Serpent, but I joined to support our family like my father never had. For so many years, I’ve been the man in the house. Being here, I can just be a dumbass kid. I think she wants that for me. Especially so I can show the kids that there is a life for us beyond the tracks. It gives them hope and her some peace of mind.”

“Who would’ve known? This giant actually has a soft side.”

Sweet Pea just rolled his eyes, but couldn’t get the slight smile to leave his face. “You can’t get a name like Sweet Pea without having a heart somewhere. Just don’t make me look like a pussy in your documentary. I have a rep to uphold, Jones.”

With that said, Jughead turned off his camera. “Don’t worry about that, Sweet Pea.” He then turned his attention to Fangs, who had been watching the entire interview with earnest curiosity. “Tomorrow, I want you to tell me about Sunnyside Trailer Park. I want to know about your life there. How you met Toni and Sweet Pea. Deal?”

Fangs really had no idea what he was signing up for, but that didn’t stop him from taking up Jughead on his proposition. “No problem. On one condition, though.”

“What would that be?”

With a slight smirk, Fangs stated his condition. “Keller does my interview.”

“You got yourself a deal, Fogarty.”

[gotakuofficial-blog]

Kyo - Impressionist Vignettes: OFFICIAL REVIEW

Written by Kisai The Spooniest Bard

[Foreword]:

To begin, Mike Faris AKA Kyo (FKA Demon Eyes Kyo) is an artist I respect immensely. He is also a dear friend and someone I consider a kindred soul. I take every verse he writes, sings and/or raps as a chance to understand more of his worldview and thought process. That said, I'm extremely honoured (so much so I just spelled honored with a FARKING letter U) to have been chosen as one of the trusted to review this, his debut album. I am Darris Marcell Kisai Parker, and this is Impressionist Vignettes by Kyo.

[Track 1ne] - Yasiin (prod. by kaptain planet): So from the start we get a gritty, dark boom bap jawn produced by the impeccable kaptain planet. It's always lit when planet links up with Kyo because Kyo starts to slip into his particular brand of what he calls "sophisticated ignorance", a glorious combination of swagger, hyperbole, and good old-fashioned dark humor. In this instance, however, Kyo's lyrics are more sober, less grandiose. He chooses to lampshade how basic and one-note some artists tend to be in their portrayals. He even pays homage to one of his fellow CPC member's songs (Views by Savior Monroe). And most of all, Kyo just makes it plain how serious he is in this outing. This one is less about stellar bars and schemes and more about the human experience as interpreted by Mike Faris. I'm here for it. Quotable: "Ain't my fault if the truth hurtin' ya feelin's. You ain't puttin' work with writtens murkin' the rhythm. You just jerkin' the listeners like jamaican chicken."

[Track 2wo] - Highland (prod. by Lé Real): An autobiographical stroll over a jazzy lofi road paved by a Castle In The Sky faithful, the uber-talented Lé Real. Here, Kyo talks about his old stomping ground, a place in Michigan called Highland. He highlights the rough yet sensitive nature of the milieu, the roaming opinions of passive observers looking in from the outside, the desperate grab for tough guy points by those who probably can't get into the Salty Spittoon otherwise, the ones who live in nicer areas, who don't really HAVE TO be in such an area. Kyo warns these folks about greenness of grass, and tells them in no plain terms to get a life of their own. This is the stuff I was looking for. And he delivered. Quotable: "A double-wide was like a luxury home! Havin' both parents there the rarest of luxuries tho and I know; I'm one of the lucky ones when it comes to that, Most of my homies wasn't tho, that's just the facts..."

[Track 3hree] - Flowers From The Old Vic Stage (prod. by Medical Nindo, guitars by Kyo):  Kyo sings, by the way! I feel like typically when artists try to be multi-layered it's an attempt to appeal to a public all too swayed by gimmicky shallow bullshit. But in Kyo's case, he really carries all the musicianship and artistry necessary to sustain the various mantles he's borne over the years. That said, on the singer/songwriter tip, Kyo is something to witness. But if you've followed his work at all, you've probably heard this on display on his previous work, "The Imposter's Muse". His poet's soul is on display here in track three, a somber, romantic ballad produced by the smooth/savage master himself, Medical Ninjutsu aka Medical Nindo. Some of y'all might know him as Diggz Da Prophecy. Kyo accompanies our resident "Hood Nerd Sage" on the guitar, providing weepy, melancholy-yet nostalgic licks that carry the heady tone of his musings. A song from the perspective of a tragic lover of a former star of the stage and screen, a person with whom our hero was enraptured, with whom he was close, a flame that perhaps burned too bright and sputtered into dying embers. "I wonder..." The words pass his lips several times over, each time a different thread carried on their doleful, mournful wind. Quotable: I'm not giving you one. Listen to the song.

[Track 4our] - Summer '09 (prod. by River Sanzu):  So, ironically, Summer '09 is a time of major importance to me because it was a time when I was ambivalent towards life. I was holding down a job I truly loved, but not seeing much of the money I was getting paid due to familial obligations, I was dating one of my current best friends, a relationship I look back on fondly even now. But it seemed like everything in the world conspired to keep us apart and as such I felt like I was failing her. I was writing some of the best bars of my life, but I had no way to record and couldn't afford to hit anyone's studio. I was dependent on music to keep me going and every month I had an issue with my mp3 player. I was finally seeing some measure of freedom, but at the same time I was constantly being appraised by family members as an adult acting like a child. As if they alone held the yardstick by which adulthood is measured and everyone's lived experiences were supposed to be uniform with the same milestones at the same times as if life worked that way. And to top it off, my father's genes were kicking in and I started to lose hair, just when I was getting ready to pimp my afro to the max! (RIP afro dreams). I just felt like I was languishing in some sort of middleground hell where everything was awesome but terrible at the same time. I constantly questioned whether I even wanted to be alive. Looking back, I always tell myself it wasn't that bad. It was just growing pains and every adult has them. But you couldn't tell me shit in the moment. I'd've said "Life is iffy af for me right now." On another side of the country, here is Kyo, driving drunk on his way to kick it with his friends. The same ambilavence towards the idea of continuing life present in his thoughts and actions. Instead leaving it to the "Most High" to determine his fate, he arrives unscathed at the function, has a rowdy old time with his buddies, the sort of things youths get into when together. "Freestyling and clowning", card games, even more drinking, some squabbles-nothing that really matters between friends however, and just being in the moment, then Kyo drives (possibly even more drunk) back home. Again he tosses the dice and leaves it up to higher powers to determine if he will make it home. And there you have it, a square out of the quilted tapestry that is Kyo's life. River Sanzu aka Lit Yagami AKA Ish1da creates a city pop-infused backdrop that perfectly encompasses the nostalgic feel of Kyo's ride through memory lane. One of my favorite songs on the album honestly. Also I'm really mad I didn't produce this because it's amazing. Not quite as mad as Ethos made me that one time but I may still turn into a dog for 3 seconds... GRRRRRRR (DAWG MODE) Quotable: "They say seeing is believing, these demons I'm seeing in my rearview mirror keep chasing, I stay weaving through lanes and I'm.... still thuggin' it, drunk in public and unequpped to handle the mental stresses I struggle with but it's just... One mo' night in Summer '09!"

[Track 5ive] - You Go To My Head (prod. by RealVenom):  Kyo’s strongest quality as an artist is his ability to depict the various aspects of his point of view without sacrificing impact. In “You Go To My Head”, he croons, raps and waxes poetic to the subject of his affection. It’s tender, but in a truly relatable fashion. I consider myself strongly in the romantic camp, so endeavors like these speak to me. I blame my soft heart. The warm lofi provided by RealVenom just makes you feel like you’re by a warm fireplace, keeping warm inside from the harsh winter. A glass of wine, a bag of marshmallows for roasting and some good-looking company and you’ve got a night. Kudos to both Kyo and Venom for making such a dope jam. Quotable: “And if you got me seein’ double... That’s twice as many chances to say I love you...”

[Track 6ix] - Moving To Detroit (prod. by Camp Phire Connection, guitars by Kyo): Here is a fully acoustic affair. Just Kyo, his trusty guitar, and us, the listener. In “Moving To Detroit”, he intimates the lonely predicament of a single man deciding to move to what is considered the saddest city in the country according to a study. He mulls over dating the local women hoping for a shot at love, relates his hopes that any local toughs don’t harass or assault him, and mentions his prior OWI (An incident he explained in detail to me in a conversation we had.) and the consequences thereof. “Moving to Detroit” is a somber, reflective look at both himself and his environment, and rather than feeling like a fly on the wall, we are put right there in the passenger seat as he takes us along for this ride. It’s an eye-opener, for sure. Quotable: “It’s not as bad as everyone says in the city, but every time I head home I feel such relief when I hit the freeway. If I move down there and my friends come visit me, they’ll also get to know how good that feels. I guess you’re welcome...” [Track 7even] - Vignettes feat. Savior Monroe (prod. by Camp Phire Connection): The only vocal guest feature on this album comes from fellow Camp Phire Connection artist and founder Savior Monroe. “Vignettes” is gorgeously produced, a shoegaze-y blues waltz number by Kyo and Savior. Both artists give amazingly heartfelt accounts of grace. of friendship and of humanity. The feeling is just abstract enough, just specific enough. Truly these are just vignettes. But that’s all we needed. Quotable: “But for now I can still paint you with an impressionist’s view. I might not remember the facts, but I still remember the truth.” [Track 8ight] - French Lessons (prod. by Camp Phire Connection, guitars by Kyo): Kyo’s trusty guitar returns once more, fair accompaniment for a sultry number about SEX. Yep. Sex. Who among us doesn’t simply long for the next chance to be intimate with a special someone. There’s something magical about when two souls connect, REALLY CONNECT, for those precious moments. Even sometimes when it’s empty, it’s still grand. Here, Kyo says it all. Quotable: “Sex is empty, sex is death, so baby please kill me then hold me in your arms until I resurrect. Sex is endless, sex is French, le petit mort, the little death, and rebirth and first breath and back again.” Track 9ine] - Snow (prod. by Lé Real): Snow, to put it plain an simply, is hard. Hard as pavement. Once more, we’re right there in the room with Kyo as he relates some tales from his life. I don’t even wanna talk too much about this one. It’s something that just needs to be heard. It’s too real for me to adequately put into words.  Quotable: None, just peep the song. [Track 10en] - Philip Seymour Hoffman (prod. by Kisai The Spooniest Bard): Iono who the hell this Kisai The Spooniest bard dude thinks he is, but we gonna fight because this beat is fire. He could have at least let me rap on this. Not that I’m salty because Kyo did his thing. But seriously this is a great closer. Something about that japanese jazz sample makes such a great backdrop for Kyo to compare himself to Vincent Van Gogh and Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP to two of the greats). As artists our art is what we use to combat the negative feelings that dwell in our mortal minds. Not everyone can win this fight, but Kyo is dead set on winning. If I hadn’t heard this song before judging, I’d have told you that the beat used doesn’t fit the theme of the album, but I’d have been wrong. Kyo made it work like only he could and the result is a track that both producer and artist could be proud of. Quotable: “In a world of visigoths and vandals I’m Vincent Van Gogh, battle depression with insufficient ammo.” [Afterword]: Impressionist Vignettes is a ride, friends. Tonally, It starts low and ends high, moodwise it’s as human as we are. And from an artistic standpoint, it’s probably Kyo’s strongest work to date. I recommend you give it a spin. I learned something and so might you. One final note. Big ups to Savior Monroe on the engineering end. This album sounds great beginning to end. Kisai out. Ja ne~ Peep Impressionist Vignettes here!: https://campphireconnection.bandcamp.com/album/impressionist-vignettes