#not speaking from experience of course
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Burn Your Fat With Me is the perfect game to yell and scream at and damage your 2017 Gold Moto Z2 Play phone because of how much you fucking hate that man
#not speaking from experience of course#i remember wanting to verbally abuse that man so much that i ended up just. playing the game and exercising daily so i could curse at him#hope he is in otome hell or something#burn your fat with me#byfwm#i mean as an adult now. i just think “wow what an asshole” but like. it kinda worked as a kid????!?!?#because i DID lose weight. I DID the sit ups and everything#it truly is the game ever but in like. not the best way.#anyways if you want to be motivated to lose weight or at least exercise a bit. download that shit#otome#i guess?????#otome game#to be fair i need a hater like that again to be motivated to exercise!!!
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the other thing about being disabled in academia is everyone is like "yeah we can't do much about the buildings they're old :/" as if "old" being a synonym for "inaccessible" isn't just a constant reminder that the people who built the school did not imagine that someday someone like me might study there
#mod felix#obviously there's some stuff that's way more accessible with like. electricity. like. i can get to the second floor. for example#but like. it's still possible to have. for example. ramps. if you as a culture value disabled people and their work#i miss when i was at a school where 'these are old buildings' meant 'these buildings were built for cows instead of people'#rather than 'these buildings were built for students just not students like you'#and of course this is another one that applies to many marginalized groups and like. many groups more than disabled people#in the sense that like. my school was also built to explicitly exclude people of color. for example#but i speak from my own experience and my own experience is characterized by ableism more than anything else#but like . again if you read this and you're like 'this feels like it applies to me in ways unrelated to disability'#well it probably does.
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pussy from a girl who thinks she’s a boy must hit so much more
#sometimes i wish i was even a little bit of a dom/top#fakeboy pussy must go CRAZY#though of course i am not speaking from experience#my partner is a real trans man <3#fakeboy#ftm girl#detransition kink#ftmtgirlyslut.txt
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Since writing my last post about how Vanitas understands "salvation" as the preservation of one's self, even at the price of death, I've been thinking about how that plays into Vanitas's thoughts on resurrection. It's only two short lines, but I find the view he expresses in this scene absolutely fascinating.
Vanitas tells Misha that the dead "don't come back," and the fact that he phrases it that way stands out to me. He doesn't say that resurrection is impossible on a physical level; he implicitly concedes that maybe Misha could "bring back" something that looks and acts like Luna. He doesn't quibble about the practicalities of reanimating someone whose body turned to ashes or bring up whatever concept of the afterlife he may have.
Instead, Vanitas says that a resurrected Luna would simply be "something else that looked like her." A resurrected Luna would lack some fundamental part of whatever it was that made Luna who they were in their first life.
But what would they lack? I don't think he's implying that a resurrected Luna would lack their soul—not really. Setting aside the absence of souls as a conceptual presence in VnC, I think that would be too concrete and specific for what Vanitas is gesturing toward. Rather, he's conceiving of the Self in a somewhat ineffable way. On a metaphysical level, a version of Luna brought back from the dead simply Wouldn't Be Her, and he can't put it in more concrete terms than that.
So why does he think this way?
I think the concept of resurrection is awful enough to Vanitas that he has to reject it outright for his own stability. He cannot even slightly entertain the notion that resurrection might be possible, because that would destroy one of his main coping mechanisms.
Resurrection is nightmarish to a man that relies on death as an escape. Vanitas is suicidal, but beyond his self-hatred, his relationship to death is very particular. He's someone whose body and being has been corrupted and violated several times—through violence, through experiments, and through Luna's bite, and he's desperate to retain control of himself in the aftermath. He's desperate for control in regards to everything in his life, but especially his body and his death.
Vanitas is being slowly transformed into something inhuman, and he plans to die someday to escape that fate. The idea that after he's gone, someone could override that decision and force him back into living a life he doesn't want must be unacceptably horrific to him. He dismisses it out of hand because he has to.
Vanitas says a resurrected Luna would, on some level, not really be Luna. Whatever comes back might look like them, but it would lack some fundamental self that makes Luna "Luna." Thus, if Vanitas himself were ever "resurrected" after his death, it would be the same. Death remains an absolute escape for him, and even if someone contrives to bring back something that looks like him after he's gone, it won't be him. That life won't be his problem.
In addition to whatever beliefs Vanitas might have about death and afterlives the feasibility of resurrection, I think this is a key part of his relationship to the concept. He lives his life knowing that death waits for him as an escape valve. He needs that looming death as his salvation. Thus, faced with the concept of resurrection, his argument basically boils down to "nuh-uh." He shoots down the concept and declares that a resurrected person wouldn't be themselves in some nonspecific way, because the possibility of anything otherwise isn't something safe for him to consider.
#of course. it's not out of the question that Vanitas has actually encountered a botched resurrection before and is speaking from experience#but occam's razor and all that#or mochijun's razor:#when encountering a vanitas character trait. assume it's a trauma response until shown substantial evidence otherwise#vnc#vanitas no carte#the case study of vanitas#vanitas#vanitas my beloved#english major hours#ID in alt text#I briefly wonked up posting this but I think it's normal now
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I think that, on top of literally everything else about his situation, part of the reason devo is like That is because he’s still in the phase of hrt where any slight annoyance is enough to make you want to explode something with your mind. And unfortunately for everybody in his vicinity he has the means to do exactly that
#I can only speak from my own experience of course but ohh that phase has been real. for me.#the adventure zone#taz ethersea#devo la main#devo’s devotionals
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Collect my potions
remember, kids, if you're trapped in the scary woods and a suspicious woman asks you to bring her back 6-10 potions she's scattered through the woods whilst she hunts you for sport, DO NOT DRINK THE POTIONS. they are not power-ups. they aren't....
#speaking from second-hand experience of course#y'know it's a good thing mizuchi is categorically incompetent as a character trait or she'd be actually kind of scary
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I just think Tallulah gets to be upset about this. “It’s not Wilbur’s fault” “He’s not a bad dad” “He loves his daughter so much” yes! These are all true! And it’s not his fault! But he’s still not there. And Tallulah has gone through so much and still hasn’t seen him, the one time he was around was the one time she wasn’t, and all she has are letters and “I’m thinking of you always” and things that used to be theirs together, but he’s still not there. She’s waited and she’s been patient and she’s loved him all the same, and he’s still not there. Like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, from the happy milestones to the traumatic events, he’s still not there.
She knows that it’s not his fault, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s absent. That in and of itself just adds to the sorrow, because she knows why he’s gone, and she’s been told time and time again it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, she knows this - it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting, that it doesn’t hurt, that she doesn’t yearn for her father to be there more than anything in the world, and he’s just not there.
So yes, she gets to be upset, and be caustic, and stomp her feet and write bitter messages, and be angry and vitriolic, because she’s a little girl missing her father, who feels things with her whole heart and soul - and that means she gets to feel the ugly parts of it, too.
#it’s like no wilbur isn’t at fault. especially if we’re talking about cc wilbur. but fuck man of course she’s gonna feel like this#this doesn’t make wilbur a bad person! he’s just a missing one. and Tallulah feels all the misery and bitterness as a daughter left behind#where is her father kissing her injuries and reassuring her? where is her father protecting her? hugging her at the end of the day?#Wil isn’t around to do this and she wants him back and he’s not going to be back. not for a while. and it’s not his fault but it doesn’t#stop it from being upsetting. she’s a little girl#and at least she has phil. her dad. who’s there time and time again. and it doesn’t make him somehow morally better or wtevr. he’s there an#Wil is not. and he’s going to continue to be there as a solid figure in tallulahs life that she needs#idk man like. fuck#lmao relating my own experiences from here below in the tags ✌️#as someone who’s been in that position? a parent absent for reasons outside of control? yeah it’s sucks. and I love them and they love me#*with a parent I mean I wasn’t the parent lmao#and it will never be the same. and when they were gone and missing things I was furious at them#that resentment grows and then it fades and sometimes bitterness strikes again and it’s how it goes. love is still there#and it’s no one’s fault. it just is. and what is is messy#anyways#mcyt#qsmp#q!tallulah#q!wilbur#z speaks
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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.
#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me#let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#armand#this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand#and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want#or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around#I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic#you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you#and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others#even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode#as a means of control both external and internal#this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of#armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior#and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship#idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires#all of this also ties into louis and daniel#because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him#someone HUMAN no less#and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis#breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t#not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones#it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize#like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia#I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself#it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors#that ultimately result in your own abandonment#god this fucking show
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was kinda thinking about this when I saw Renee Rapp live recently-- I didn't know her visual vibe, I'd heard a few songs here and there but I hadn't really *seen* her, and her attire at Osheaga was really casual, a jersey (baseball/basketball?) and slacks. And that was so amazing! I couldn't help thinking, the work Billie Eilish has done for how women in pop music are allowed to dress is incredible. Seeing her up there all comfortable you just know that Billie walked in her oversized tops so that Renee in her slacks could run; Billie walked through all the critcisms about how she dressed slobbily and having to assert that she didn't owe anyone a display of skin, so that Renee could be comfortable and unquestioned running up and down the catwalk in front of 10,000 people. How iconic.
And I don't think we even realised at the time how much something as simple as letting Billie dress the way she as a (then-) 17-year-old teenager dressed, could end up meaning for a future generation of women in music.
Obviously there is still way to go, there were weirdos complaining about how 'plain' Dua Lipa's Glastonbury outfit was this year (in 2024!!), l have to ask, are you at Paris Fashion Week?? She is the musical HEADLINER of an entire day of music at one of the biggest music festivals in the world, and you can't grant her the space to exist as an artist, you have to moan about her dress not being excitingly revealing enough. There's work to do, it's still dismal out there. But the space Billie Eilish has created for a most ordinarily-dressed woman popstar is still heartening.
#music#rambling away; I'll log off#man. I remember how on the other hand when I was going to my first ever gig my guitar teacher said to me#notice how plainly he's dressed? No frills. His music speaks for himself.#(The musician in question was Slash and apart from his very recognisable hat and sunglasses; he was wearing a plain white t-shirt with a#minnie mouse graphic print in the centre. I think sometimes about how not even women in rock music are afforded that.#Like this is a thing across genres#With the exception of Franz Ferdinand for whom Alex has actually said in interviews that they treated FF gigs as nights out#and so dressed like they'd be dressed for a club night out--#most other guy bands are like *picked a tee off the floor*#whereas the girls in bands I've seen-- even literally just local musicians-- the girls in our local rock bands feel compelled to#dress like it's graduation day#Like we had this really cool local band-- singer's a girl in second year of uni#keeping up with the fact that they were playing like RHCP and Muse covers on stage; fast stuff--#she was up there in a delicate dress and heels and stomping across stage n all#and the rest of her band; dudes; were quite comfortable in their t-shirts#like of course she made a choice herself and was more than capable of stomping in heels--I mean I've seen Phoebe from Lambrini Girls#JUMP OFF a 5-ft platform stage while wearing 3-inch block heels. And in a party dress!#But then again Lambrini Girls genuinely are freaks of nature and I envy anyone who's going to see them open for Amyl & the Sniffers rn#bc that's an EXPLOSIVE combo. Nonetheless. I was saying.#Part of it certainly comes from a normalisation of just superhuman strength; balance + praying there's no malfunction with your skirt#which DOES happen at rock shows more frequently than you'd imagine. It's just if you're in a good crowd they'll pretend they saw nothing#but it's certainly more practical to gig in sneakers and trousers lol. From experience!#billie eilish#renee rapp#women in music#pop music#dua lipa#Also like Billies doing it for the pop lesbians#lesbian
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I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions
(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)
#see also: george falling in love with his wife and paul routinely telling him he was easily replaceable#and yet ringo has nothing but warmth for either of these men#and of course I'm not saying we shouldn't appreciate how much patience and kindness that takes!#but also i guess it takes a certain lack of assertiveness or the ability to see/value your own emotions#and that's also something interesting to think about#speaking from experience here a lot of alcoholics want to be numb more than they want to be alive#and if ringo couldnt access his emotions it makes sense his only recourse would be to erase them#but i think for him it comes from isolation at a young age and a lack of emotional support#you need your caregivers to teach you what 'sad' is so you can then teach yourself what to do about it#or you may start to cope with that constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction (that you can never quite grasp) in destructive ways#also his mom started getting him falling down drunk when he was not even twelve years old so tbh the alcoholism was probably inevitable#anyways all this is just to say that the fact that he could absorb pretty much infinite distress CAN definitely be construed as a virtue#but tbh it might also be symptomatic of some painful shit that he needed/deserved help with#ringo starr#longer rambles
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Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?
actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.
my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.
#sci speaks#i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me.#i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men.#i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring.#also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life.#this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed.#lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??”#“why are you together??????????”#i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror.#i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better.#the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified#but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships.#just an observation.#i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but.#of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does.#it makes a difference. it does.#which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body”#im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me.#i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have.#my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here.#sorry this went off on a tangent.#but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues.#i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous.#i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got.#once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that!#couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.
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forcing yourself out of harmful habits feels like pulling teeth but i guess i want to get better. for those i love and for those who love me. or whatever
#the heron speaketh#oh my GOD it sucks so bad#it was a really insufferable day today and i was thinking very hard about lessons from therapy#and as FUCKING stupid as it feels it really does benefit you to be. like. gentler with yourself#and sometimes getting better means forcing yourself to be uncomfortable and make a Better Choice than distancing yourself for a week#and worrying people. OR being unwarrantedly rude#no you dont want to kill yourself you just want a new job and you havent seen your friends in a while. that sort of thing#just as an example. from nothing in particular of course not like im speaking from experience or anything#why am i talking about this suddenly? what do you care. fuck off
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I've seen people be like downpour ruined how people see five pebbles and im gonna be honest if you were here for any number of years pre-downpour the fandom was always god-awful with the nuance in his character. thats not a downpour thing thats a fandom thing
#niche comparison but if any of you know angela from lobotomy corporation/library of ruina#in the years prior to LOR angela was probably one of the most demonized characters ive ever seen in my goddamn LIFE#NO ONE was going to bat for this girl as anything other than a absolute villain and bitch#i was and im sure some others were too but the vast vast majority fucking hated her#because she spends most of the game being mean to you and then betrays you at the end#and you had to read between the lines to get to “wait a minute whats happening to her is kinda immensely fucked up”#and this is someone betraying you at the end of a very /very/ hard game to 100% and beat proper#then LOR came out and fully explored the depths of her trauma and anger at the situation she was put into#how desperate she was too take something for herself and how little she cared about how the effected others because she was not given that#and suddenly it clicked for everyone!#suddenly she wasnt a heartless bitch anymore! but of course now you had the#'literal infant' crowd because it also explored some ideas of parental trauma/lack of experience with the world#but god it was way more refreshing to see people actually move on from 'theyre an evil bitch' even if it came with 'so shes like a kid?'#and i feel that way about pebbles tbh#i dont get super super into the iterator lore so i cant speak much for the quality across downpour#and its higher focus on them and their stuff#im sure it carries plenty of issues as many things will#but god people sucking at reading the room on the iterators is not new lmao#actually five pebbles and angela are shockingly similar....#huh?
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Well i think i Understand what anon was trying to say, you see people call wish "Woke" cuz people think magnifico is in the right for not wanting to grant all wishes because they think that would be "Dangerous" not knowing that's not the real reason why magnifico doesn't grant most of the wishes in rosas, but magnifico stans make it seen that way, they push that false narrative about magnifico and asha, making people not want to see wish or give it a chance cuz its "just another woke movie" so yeah of course your completely valid to like a character but pushing false narrative to make asha look like the "real bad guy" knowing people already call it woke and are racist towards asha?! Yeah they kinda are killing wish😒
Oh don't get me wrong, it's absolutely annoying and completely exasperating to hear so many people going "B-B-But this good-looking white guy DILF can't possibly be the bad guy, he's just trying to protect his kingdom!!!! Can't you see that the teenage WOC who wants everyone to have free will is 'tHe ReAl BaD GuY' because some people might use their free will for BaAaAaD tHiNgS????"
Oh, right! It's a "woke" movie for *checks notes* featuring an Afro-Hispanic leading lady and confronting the idea of blindly believing in some higher power to give you direction in life. Gee, I wonder who would be offended by that *stares pointedly at most churches I've ever known.*
But still. The block button is there for your use, folks. You can use it whenever you want. You don't need to wait for some sign from the heavens or some greater reason. It's not going to get taken away from you and there's not a limit to how many people you can block. It's there and it's there to help curate your experience. You can block every one of these people if you want!
#i think afro-HISPANIC was what the writers meant; not afro-latina#because hispanic means related to spain/spanish-speaking countries and spain is in the iberian peninsula where they say rosas is#but i could be completely wrong on that. anyway#and of course asha's mother is north african and asha's hair is braided as a reference to the amazigh people her mother is said to be from#asha disney#princess asha#asha wish#wish 2023#wish movie#disney wish#wish disney#look i am not JUDGING the folks who like him because i like him too!#and i have several blorbos who are assholes making terrible choices#but the wish fandom has featured this woobification to an incredible distortion in my experience
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You know, it makes sense that a lot of the characters in 911 are queer in some way considering queer people tend to gravitate towards each other unknowingly and end up traveling in packs.
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THIS.
(Been trying to find the original post but failed on tumblr. But I want to repost this so much. Tell me if the author thinks it’s a violation of their copyright. I’ll delete it.)
#writing#ao3#fanfics#maccadam#I’m not saying I really hate using English to write#or else I won’t be writing in English in the first place#I reposted this because I think non-English speaking writers should really let themselves go a little with the unavoidable mistakes#like I do proofread my work before publishing it#but sometimes I don’t have much time and as a non-native speaker I can’t be that sensitive about grammar#I am also an English major studied in college and post graduate school for six years#from what I learned in school and real-life experience#in most times a language is a tool#it is ok if your level can get your meaning through#as for writing#it’s of course better if your English is fluent#but if perfecting your language means taking too much efforts and time#as a fanfic writer writing purely out of interest not money#it should be ok for you to let some minor grammar mistakes go#you’re already great writing in a language other than your mother tongue#maccadams
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