#not saying wlw relationships are inherently toxic at all!!

[ashleyloob]

I think a lot of sapphics that haven't been in a wlw relationship before tend to hyper romanticize what it's like to date women so I've been like weirdly obsessed with making a lot of toxic lesbian comic ideas since I started dating other girls when I was a wee teenager lmfao

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

This might be a bit niche but I’m starting to see a big shift in how wlw spaces online and irl operate within my age range (early 20s - 30s) where there is this almost demonisation of relationships between 2 women - that it’s inherently abusive or toxic or not worth your time or true love was only experienced once dating men (and no this isn’t me shaming women who date men)

It’s just wild. It almost feels like a cultural push back to the acceptance society is starting to have for us. As if the very nature of it being more accepted is pressuring women to date other women and then they feel resentful that it wasn’t the magic safe haven they were promised.

I think too many people expect these relationships to be perfect and uwu and a salvation from certain things men in society push onto us that when it’s not they get even more upset. I feel like I’m general women who date men have this social narrative of EXPECTING some level of bad with relationships with men, so when it’s good it’s perfect. But they expect perfection from their relationships with other women so when it’s good it’s horrible.

It’s just very concerning to see and I don’t like it. I don’t like going to wlw spaces and seeing all the bonding being over either which man is the hottest (again, need to say not criticising women who date men just that it’s sad when in WLW spaces that’s the most talked about thing ) OR how utterly crap and horrible and toxic dating women is.

It just feels like the spaces that celebrate these relationships are getting smaller and smaller and smaller and then the ones that DO only do it under the guise of not showing or acting upon sexual desires and just being cute hand holding. It’s not good for all wlw’s mental health. It’s not a conducive environment

And not I’m not saying we should just shut up and never talk about abuse or difficult things. Those things need to happen of course. But this isn’t that a lot of the time. Most of the time it’s just a way to dunk on women.

[jackienautism]

Saw your latest post and I just want to add that the people who do ship Charlie/Du'met are some of the most toxic people I've seen in SMG fandom. If you dare to bring up the issues with their ship (Especially in the way it overtakes the WOC wlw ship AND the other interracial ship) they'll attack you about it 💀

And not only do they act like this (most of the time) but the fact that they're more willing to ship a man with the guy who is TRYING TO KILL HIM AND HIS EMPLOYEES over the actual romantic relationships in the game is insane to me. People will ship the most horrendously toxic mlm ship before even thinking about the canon wlw ship and it's infuriating. Funny thing is I liked Charlie just fine before but these people are making me hate him lmao

Sorry if i'm rambling I just have a LOT of thoughts on this ship

Oooooh yeah that's not surprising to me 😭 of course the shippers of an inherently bad pairing are going to bad themselves LMAO so sorry if youve ever had to deal w/ any of them in that way :/ i remember seeing something happen under a mutuals post (lazylesbianbear hiii) and its just.... things really start to show when they get SO defensive over someone giving (well deserved, mind you) criticism for their pairing. it sucks that they attack over something like that bc it shows how guilty they are lmao. it shows that they truly and honestly dont care abt those issues OR the fact that their ship is overtaking erin / jamie and mark / kate (who i totally forgot were a pairing for a sec. sorry mark and kate) aka 2 pairings that are LEAGUES above whatever charlie / dumet is. what im saying is, they dont give a fuck abt poc or women, even if they try their best to "prove" it

IT IS INSANE !!!!! AND ITS SOOO SAD..... we already get jack shit in terms of representation (both wlw and interracial relationships) so of course its gonna suuuuck so bad when the most popular pairing is some serial killer and his victim. but i suppose i expect nothing less of fandom :/ and you're right, they'll gravitate towards the worst / most lackluster mlm pairing before ever even considering a wlw one, let alone w/ woc. and its so disappointing. sorry that these ppl have made you dislike charlie a lot more than before though. ive experienced the same shit so you're def not alone in that

and no no worries! you're def not rambling, all of your points are super valid and deserve to be talked about. if you ever have more to say, even though i have not played the game yet, my inbox / messages are always open. hope you have a good day!

[itsjustalark]

First of all, i would love for you to bounce ideas off of me if you want. I absolutely love hearing about this stuff. And would love to be of any help i can

"My story centrals around the concept of time and the changes that come with it"

Omg that i so cool and interesting! Reading this made me internally squeal with excitement. I stories which are a study in relationships and their nuances.

"Seen through two immortals who were friends( definitely more) once, "

This gave me a chuckle so thanks.

Okay so your story sounds like someting i'd definitely love to read and have on my shelf. Its really the perfect make up my favourite things: friends to lovers to enemies, enemies to lovers(? but god i hope so), character study, angst, drama, characters with oposing ideals and on different sides and so much more. Also, exploring a relationship between immortals is such a diffucult in scope but unique idea. I admire the guts.

Also this is my biggest struggle with my stories too. To tragedy or not to tragedy? I always tend towards tragedies tho for my books. You really figure it out as you reach towards the end. I hope. I dont wanna make mine a tragedy but who know? Some relationships are just doomed from the start. ( i say like i didnt make it that way.)

I know you havent decided everything yet but i have so many questions just answer if you know or tell me what ur considering. i will start off with a few here:

1. Is your story set set in our/alternate earth or a fantasy world? Cause both will such differing implications on the story. (And entirely different bouts of research)

2. Does it have a magic system.

3. What are the two main characters like?

While wlw and mlm both sound equally tempting, i feel like it really depends on what other themes you wanna explore in your story depending on the kind of worlds it is set in and the role of men and women in it?

My story:

(Our stories are kinda similar ig.)

It's a character focused adult fantasy which focuses of two friends(Alex and Kel) whose relationship evolves to something far deeper than a romantic one. It explores a relationship that could have been beautiful in a perfect world but because of the corrupt and rotten world they live in and the different roles they have to play in it and their own inherent flaws, their relationship is always at risk of succumbing to that darkness and turning toxic. And the first book (yes there are more than one books that cause i got carried away) is really them fighting against their respective destinies and denying the roles the world has already decided for them and trying to stay together throughout it all even though they come from different worlds.

It explores themes of cycles of abuse, saviors complex, love vs duty, revolution, i could go on.

Theres a magic system very integral to the plot and lots of world building. Tell me if you wanna hear about them.

Also, if the reblogs are getting to long to keep on you blog we can talk in dms.

Any body wana go off about their fantasy gay stories with me (fanfics included)? We can chat it'll be fun.

I love character forcused stories. Big fan of world building and magic systems. And really into anime red blue ships.

[tuulikki]

You know, as someone who is very much aroace and always has been I don’t understand the new vague of young queers people on the Internet talking about how disrespectful it is to want to have sex with someone and talk about your physical attraction to them. It’s probably because they are Americans and brainwashed by Puritanism because I don’t see people from other countries do that. I genuinely don’t understand how you can find someone sexy because I have never felt like this but damn even (1/2)

It’s definitely sad to see. A lot of cultures have sex negativity, but there’s a particular strain of it in certain online native-Anglophone queer spaces that really is heartbreaking to see. And I’m somewhere in the ace spectrum with you (near the demi end), so you’ll understand me when I say I don’t understand the “damn, I’d tap that” impulse either—and likewise I couldn’t agree with you more that it’s tragic when people start thinking there’s something somehow wrong with visual attraction. It’s a sad but predictable byproduct of an oversexed yet sex negative-society, with a heaping dose of societal homophobia on top of it.

I do think a lot of these people are trying their best to navigate a complex issue (i.e., human sexuality), but nothing in their society has given them the tools to do so. The explosion of pop-psych obfuscations of the definition of consent has also probably aggravated this: I heard someone asking a sex columnist if you’re morally required to ask someone else for consent if you want to masturbate while thinking about them (specifically people you’re not in a relationship with). That’s what’s hiding under the “I didn’t consent to see kink at Pride” bullshit, too, imo. People are seeing sex and sexuality as so fundamentally harmful and corrosive that to even think about someone sexually is committing an act of violent spiritual defilement against them for which you need to beg preliminary forgiveness—and that is what people are actually saying when they say they want “consent” in these scenarios of Sinning In Thought (and not at all in word and deed). It’s the same reason the idea of kids seeing people ambling around in kinkwear at Pride triggers such strong reactions: if you still see sexuality as something dangerous and morally contaminating, then of course “exposing” children to the idea of happy consensual sex in goofy costumes gets phrased as though it were “exposing” them to a terrifying contagion. (And I’d rather explain kink to a child than explain purity rings—one of those concepts is infinitely more harmful than the other.)

I’d argue that the uwu wlw soft sapphic vibes did have its limited purpose as a placeholder in the sexual development of plenty of young queer folks, the same way that baby-faced boyband stars do for young people who fancy guys. Bisexually speaking, I leaned more towards Orlando Bloom’s Legolas when I was in middle school, and now I’m more interested in aesthetically pondering Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn. I likewise reblogged a lot of uwu wlw pastel shit in my early years, as was my right and privilege at that age. But the problem with only doing the uwu “wlw desire isn’t horny, it’s beautiful and pure” thing is that it can so easily begin to live halfway between purity ring bullshit and between a deformed pseudo-feminism that assumes that straight male desire is inherently and innately predicated on harm. There are conversations to be had about how a patriarchal society can articulate toxic concepts of masculine sexuality, but believing what the patriarchy says about itself lends patriarchy an authority on the innate qualities of human beings that it has no credible claim to.

idk I can still put my finger to the live wire of my cultural programming by writing the words “sex is pure” and making myself think about it, because even after all these years, the idea of sex as something impure still lurks in my head. Caveat: Obviously not all sex is morally good sex, but the same can be said for plenty of human acts (not all car-driving is morally good, not all sandwiches are made with eager enthusiastic consent). But still. Sex is great and all, I’m a big fan, but we treat it as this colossally important thing and so ofc we still find ourselves writing obsessive secular theologies about what constitutes evil or holy sex. It’s just sex, guys. It’s a lovely activity, sometimes an impressive hobby, and sometimes a profession, but it’s not some vast cosmically important thing. It’s just a naked game of Twister with more fluids and some fun physiological responses. Think about boobs and maybe you’ll all calm down.

[raskies456]

okay. actually going to make a post instead of rambling in the tags about this.

you can’t just say “fuck terfs” and be done. you’re not immune to absorbing their beliefs even if you are nominally supportive of trans people or are even trans yourself. you have to actually think about what they believe and how you might have internalized those beliefs

radfems believe women are inherently purer and better than men, who are naturally wired to be aggressive and domineering and abusive to women.

they are transphobes (and especially transmisogynists) bc they think this fact is a biological reality, so any amab person will in their eyes always be a predatory man, because to a terf, gender is based on gender at birth

people think this second part is all a terf is, and think they themselves can’t hold any radfem beliefs if they view gender as an identity. and then they go and spread terf shit anyway because they still think men=bad woman=good and that’s a really dangerous and insidious idea that hurts trans amab people and transmasc people especially

so what does this sort of belief look like? it can vary depending on who a person considers masculine enough to be bad or feminine enough to be good, and oftentimes you can see that nominally trans inclusive people often still have some biases based off of gender at birth and these often contradict other things, esp when it overlaps with nbphobia

here are some examples I’ve seen:

focusing on afab nb people instead of amab nb people

“women and nb only spaces” (bonus points if they actually exclude nb amab people and/or amab people who don’t present feminine enough, and/or include trans men)

expecting transfemme people to act/present feminine while not expecting transmasc people to act/present masculine

believing trans men have the same privilege as cis men

silencing transmascs discussing transmisandry under the excuse that it’s not as bad as transmisogyny (as if talking about transmisandry hurts transfemme people somehow)

expecting both transfemme And transmasc people to be feminine

commenting about how men are evil/lazy/angry (bonus points for specifying cis men bc trans men are exempt for not being amab)

believing testosterone makes you agressive

believing women/transfemmes are inherently more empathetic/nurturing than men/transmascs

believing wlw relationships are purer/kinder than wlm relationships

believing afab/afab relationships are purer/more healthy than amab/afab relationships

believing women can not be abusive

thinking trans men are inherently nicer or better than cis men

thinking trans women are inherently nicer or better than trans men

believing that trans people experience the exact same socialization as cis people of their agab

using socialization instead of biology to argue that amab people are necessarily more agressive/afab people more compassionate because of how they were raised

demonizing cis men who act feminine

I could keep going for a long time. But yeah all of this stuff stems from the idea that gender is tied to goodness, and that’s still a really toxic idea even if you accept that gender is a matter of identity and not birth. Gender essentialism is incredibly harmful and it’s easy to pick up if one assumes they are immune to it just bc they accept trans identities

[lilium-major]

glee ships, ranked

i should not be allowed to do this because the last three seasons i have completely skipped around for the so-called highlights but whateva

also! this is based on opinion and how much i like the ship/how much content i consume of it. and not how toxic or canon compliant it is.

hehe let’s do it

KLAINE (kurt x blaine) - and listen if u have klaine slander ur entitled to that. it is in no way a perfect ship, it has its moments for sure. but this is not the place for your discourse so kindly take that somewhere else. anyway i love these guys. so freakin much. they have such good chemistry and the way that they look at each other… chef’s effing kiss. this isn’t just a klaine post tho so i’ll keep it moving.

FABERRY (rachel x quinn) - eeee what do i even say?! first of all quinn is so queer coded it’s unbelievable. like ur telling me that girl isn’t a lesbian? come on. and second, i never saw rachel as gay until i came across this ship, but i see it as being kind of an insecurity of hers. like, she’s got all this stuff going for her and a secret she doesn’t know how to let out? idk. queer!Rachel doesn’t usually cross my mind except for in this ship cause it’s so cute and i love it

BRITTANNA (brittany x santana) - first of all this was the first canonical wlw ship i was ever really exposed to and they hold a special place in my heart for that considering i like girls 💅. but in all seriousness, i love their chemistry, i love santana’s whole “i hate everyone but you” thing and brittany just being fabulous and perfect. they are two of my fave characters also so…

BLAM (blaine x sam) - okay, so i don’t consider myself a multi shipper, but… if i had to pick up a backup for blaine, and if we’re staying within canon, relatively, i would have liked to see this as a hook up or a short lived thing in season 4 after blaine cheats on kurt :( or maybe in season 6 before the wedding bevause if everything is so effed up anyway might as well exchange that whole karofsky situation… yikes. it’s not endgame for me because they’re just bros but i do really like the idea

QUINNTANA (quinn x santana) - this was the gateway drug that led me to faberry which is why it’s in number five. i’m not going to lie, they had a lot of sexual tension in seasons 3-4 and that hookup at the ‘wedding’ was long awaited. again not endgame, but it’s more endgame material than blam. the reason it’s lower on the list is because i don’t care as much about their relationship dynamic as friends as i do with blaine and sam.

PEZBERRY (santana x rachel) - i need to stop prefacing like this because pretty much nothing on this list qualifies as endgame anymore after britanna. this is cute. would i read a fic about it? yeah. would i gush over fanart? sure. would i freak out of this had been canon in any way? definitely. but it’s not a hardcore ship, and they wouldn’t end up together.

MIKE X TINA - we’re really getting to the idc section of this post, because i have literally zero opinions on mike chang. i love tina though, and i think she was the best when she was with him… particularly in season 3. i love season 3 tina. love her!

FINCHEL (finn x rachel)- again, i don’t care. finn is a very neutral character imo - like i never really felt strongly one way or the other about him his whole time on the show. but, i liked seeing him happy with rachel, even though it seriously got in the way of my otp

ARTINA (artie x tina) hated this in season 1, hated it in season 6. but, it would have been cute if the writers had given it more thought instead of just making it a side ship, because they were obsessed with having everyone in the glee club pair up. ugh, i don’t know. it could be okay if it was actually done well.

ok, now onto the ships i don’t really like but decided to share my thoughts on anyway. ugh…

HEVANS (kurt x sam) - no? i mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong except they hardly have a relationship, at least in the better part of the series. i just don’t see the appeal tbh. no hate to hevans shippers though :)

PARTIE (puck x artie) - listen i don’t like pick and i definitely wouldn’t say i ship this… but it’s interesting. i’m not opposed. i’m sorry idk what this is either

PINN (?) (puck x finn) - listen… tina’s dream sequence where they were supposed to be playing kurt and blaine? it was freakin cute and while i just think they hate each other too much to ever have a romantic relationship, i think a one-sided pining situation is cute for them, or maybe a short lived high school thing. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again. not endgame.

QUICK (quinn x puck) - it’s inherently problematic. i could go on and on about how quinn deserves better but it would be awful not even to mention the degree to which this is messed up. puck literallt sexually assaulted quinn- he got her drunk so he could have sex with her. it’s a big no for me. besides, even if that didn’t happen, these two would never make it.

[roach-works]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

never thought i’d be asked such a ridiculous question to my face, but here we are. 

for the record, the entire concept of a 'gold star’--a prize, a reward, a mark of distinction--for women who have never slept with a man is sexist, homophobic, biphobic, sex-shaming, and transphobic. 

sexist: men aren’t inherently toxic or corruptive and neither is having sex with them. you CAN be injured or traumatized by sex with men, but that’s due to how rape is a bad thing to do, not how men are naturally injurious to women. 

sex-shaming: having sex should not be seen as automatically degrading a woman’s status or identity. it’s just sex, a natural human activity that lots of people enjoy. 

homophobic: plenty of women take time to realize they’re gay. i knew a woman who had been divorced twice and was fifty before she realized she was a lesbian. implying she’s less of a lesbian for having relationships with men is an awful thing to do. 

biphobic: historically, ‘lesbian’ referred to what we now term ‘wlw’. bisexual women were later expelled from the community by biphobes and transphobes, and told to get their own bi-specific terms (and harassed for trying to ‘claim’ their own damn history). but there’s still plenty of women who love women *and men* who want to claim the term lesbian, and they should get to. there’s also women who thought they were bisexual before determining that they were gay, and so the points above still stand: they’re not any less than any other lesbian. 

transphobic: the category of ‘man’ can be kind of hazy around the edges. i’m a transgender man. if a ‘gold star’ lesbian had slept with me when i was identifying as a woman, would she get her designation stripped as soon as i transitioned? or do i not count? plus, a lot of women who believe in the validity of the ‘gold star’ designation define ‘man’ as ‘someone who has a penis’ and are extremely terrible to trans women, saying that lesbians are tricked and corrupted by predatory trans women and their terrible penises. but they’re assholes, because: see all prior points. 

in conclusion: i’m not a lesbian and i’ve sucked a lot of dick and i’ll do it again, and also you have no right whatsoever to ask people about their personal sexual history, and also please stop saying TERF shit to random strangers, it’s an incredibly shitty thing to do. 

[shortkingvi]

i am about to RANT, so if you wanna skip this now, you can lmfao.

i never understood the argument that yang and blake are overly dependent on each other. like i GENUINELY do not see how people misinterpreted blake’s promise that “she’ll never leave yang again” as some weird obligation to her. yang never asked her to stay by her side till death do they part. she just didn’t want to see blake up and leave without a trace. and blake promised that she wouldnt. that’s literally all.

yes, yang was angry and if i were her, i would be too! and i dont even have the massive abandonment issues that yang has! as far as she saw it, she opened up to her best friend about how she hates being left, she lost her arm for said best friend, then her best friend left her. how did people expect her to act when blake returned? she didn’t make blake feel guilty, she was just trying to mull over her very complicated feelings.

and it’s a complete disservice to blake’s character when they say she only stayed with yang to make up for leaving. she stayed with yang, not only to reconcile, but also to be back with her friends. blake’s entire development was that she felt guilty for leaving people behind. in v4, she did what she could to reconnect with her family bc she left them and she felt bad. they reassured her, the same way yang reassured her the very first episode of v6.

case in point: they aren’t overly dependent on each other to the point in which it’s toxic. they only spent all of v7 together bc it was clear that they liked each other and were flirting. im like that with all my crushes, but i dont neglect myself or my other relationships bc of it. and neither do blake and yang. they spent more than half of volume 8 away from each other and they were fine. the story continued, and they didn’t blame each other for choosing the sides that they chose. people love making bumbleby seem more toxic than it actually is, for god’s sake.

i love that you gave me a warning before this

anyways part of what i think is the issue is that lots of people blindly hate v4 and 5, meaning they missed a lot of character development. thinking blake stayed out of obligation is actively ignoring her entire story arc and growth, in which she specifically is working through not running away and trusting herself to not inherently harm ppl when she stays. if you write those volumes off completely, you lose ALL of that

second, v7 is very much a honeymoon volume for a lot of them, a moment of relief after volumes of suffering and fighting, so it makes sense that these two girls, who are reunited and realizing they have feelings for each other, would be clingy teenagers about it. v8 is their growth phase, a time where they learn that while they’d rather NOT be separated, they absolutely can if they have to

ppl will jump through hoops to make it seem like wlw couples are toxic and at this point i just gotta shake my head and move on

[butch-bakugo]

Dni

I never made one but hell why not. Im technically a discourse account so it'll probs be ignored.

Zionists/pro-isreal/anti-palestine

Anti-acab, anti-blm or otherwise support the police system.

Racist, xenophobic( aginest immigration)

Anti-sex worker, serophobic( aginest those with stds)

Anti-#metoo/ dont believe sexual assault vicitms

Homophobic, lesbophobic or otherwise aginest gay and lesbian people having their own community.

Biphobic

Transphobic or enbyphobic

Anti-he/him lesbian or aginest anyone using any pronouns ( hush/hushes was coined to be exclusive to hoh/mute people so if your hearing or speaking and use them regardless you can fuck off)

Anti-neopronouns, anti-it/its( basically try to tell people they cant use them), anti-emoji pronouns, anti-noun pronouns

Transmed/truscum/ dysphoria essentialist

Anti-bigender(male and female) or genderfluid lesbians/gays/straights

Attack t4t exclusive people or trans people who wont date cis people

Attack nb4nb exclusive people nonbinary people who wont date binary people

Attack cuspers/those who are inbetween gay and bi/lesbian and bi

Anti-asexual/anti-aromantic( ace exclues arent inherently anti-asexual)

Arophobic/ say we are loveless. We'll fight.

Racist, anti-land back, harass wp people, demand other people's blood quantums

Anti-two spirit, believe non-indiginous american/indiginous candian people can id as two spirit.

Think two spirit and intersex is inherently lgbt( news flash, we arent)

Endeavor and william afton simps( yall gross)

Terfs, tehms or otherwise transmysognisitc

Trans-androphobic or think trans men/transmasc people have any kind of male privilage

Misogynist or support toxic masculinty

Believe men cant be rape victims or dont support male victims of rape/abuse

Pro-ship/pro-fiction/anti-anti/Dark ship

Ddlg/mdllb/abdl/age player/raceplayer

Fujoshi/fundashi or otherwise fetishize mlm and/or wlw relationships without being mlm and/or wlw.

Support the romantization and fetishization of incest, rape, pedophilia or abuse because its fictional.

Ableist/ Allist/ anti-disabled/anti-autism/ pro-autism speaks

Support the term aspergers when all that means is autistic/ force others to use or support " functioning" labels being pushy on others/ support a " cure" for autism

Endogenic, non-traumagenic system, non-religious tulpa, white tulpa or supporter.

D/A/IRL or expect people to feed harmful delusions.

Bi/pan/mspec lesbian/gay, mspec mono or supporter, imply lesbians can like men or gays can like women.

Anti-kin or Factkin

Anti-xenogenders, anti-neurogenders, anti-kingenders or anti-religiogender.

Support white American Christianity or are a vocal chrisitian. ( i support judaism and islam)

Anti-Semitic, islamophobic, paganphobic

Perisexist/anti-intersex/ pro-cgm

Will be updated as nesseary

[thanatos-moon]

actually i would very much like to hear more of your thoughts about your recent post on codependency in wlw relationships

alright pal here we go....ok first of all I’d like to make clear that I have nothing againt wlw relationships. I’m a queer girl and I’d love to be in a healthy and loving wlw relationship. And of course there’s nothing inherently wrong with wlw love. I think it’s magic and breathtaking and I wish nothing but the best for my fellow wlw people out there but I want to talk about patterns and behaviors that people glorify that in my opinion, I think they’re pretty toxic and unhealthy. 

ok so for example, I’ve heard the phrases like “my girlfriend hasn’t texted me in 3 hours, in lesbian time it’s 10 hours so I’m gonna make a scene about it because I feel neglected” way too much within the past few years and it drives me crazy. This isn’t cute. This isn’t right and this isn’t something that we should promote. Or when some wlw people say that it’s totally normal to move in together and leave everything behind when you’ve just been dating for like....2 months or so......because this is how “girls love each other” and ???????? no ????? 

Or when people say that it’s normal for wlw couples to spend ALL their time together because they’re not like “straight couples” and they actually “like spending time together”....No. It isn’t normal to be 24/7 with someone. It isn’t normal to neglect your friends, it isn’t normal to do everything together no matter how “cute” and “wholesome” it looks. I’ve heard so many gay girls irl say shit like “I can’t go outside if my girl is not with me” and people are always like “awww you guys love each other so much” like nope this is literally a dating red flag. Or when you make your parner feel guilty for making plans that do not include you because you need attention 24/7 so apparently it’s their job to drop everything and stay with you ???? 

Or when people completely dismiss the possibility of being in a toxic queer relationship because “””how could a queer relationship be abusive or toxic??? this is not possible because wlw are always pure and girls can never be manipulative with their partners”” this is terrifying and so so scary. Teaching young gay girls that they shouldn’t look for red flags in their potential romantic/sexual partners because apparently being wlw = being perfect and pure and competely unproblematic ?!?!?! what kind of bullshit is that ???? I hate it. This is how queer people end up in toxic relationships without even realisizing it and after the relationship is over they tend to completely dismiss their own emotional trauma because every time they try to talk about it there are always some dumbass bitches who romanticize EVERYTHING just because it’s  ✨gay ✨

Being emotionally dependent on your partner isn’t love and it isn’t something we should promote. Being way too needy and creating problems when your girlfriend is not emotionally present 24/7 is not healthy. In my own experience, the people I’ve interacted with irl and from what I’ve seen on the internet, a lot of people in gay relationships brag about being codependent because they think it’s romantic and ✨wholesome✨.  Being 24/7 together and not allowing yourself to have your own interests, your own circle etc is not romantic and it’s not an inherent trait of gay relationships! I think more people should remember that, especially young gay people who can be very influenced by what they see on social media, for example Tik Tok is so bad sometimes when it comes to this. The amount of unhealthy and toxic advice on Gay Tik Tok is actually kinda terrifying and everytime I try to talk about it I get attacked lmao I’m so tired. 

Emotional codependency in gay relationships exists and it’s something that we shouldn’t romanticize and ignore. Establishing boundaries and being your own person is essential in every type of relationship! You shouldn’t neglect your own emotional needs for the sake of romance. A queer relationship can be just as toxic and abusive as a relationship between straight people. If you want to talk about toxic relationships and relationship problems in general you should indeed include lgbtq+ relationships. I’ve noticed that it’s kinda�� like a trend to point out toxic behaviours in straight couples now, but when a queer couple does the exact same thing, a lot of people will defend it and say it’s romantic and normal. I hope you can understand what my point is.

Maybe I haven’t articulated my thoughts on this topic as good as I’d wanted tbh, but yeah I think it’s something that it’s worth talking about, both irl and on social media. Feel free to give me your own opinion/share your experience with this. I have more things to say but I’d love to hear your take on this as well. 

[inactive20011968]

i’m so glad i got off tiktok that is truly the worst app on the planet <3 especially the terfism everyone is just rehashing terf ideologies constantly it is absolutely ridiculous and everyone just eats it up it’s awful <3 literally every single one of my friends has said something terfy under the impression that it was just normal feminism. it was not.

anyway kids remember that terfism is so much deeper than just hating trans people it is so much worse than that <33 if you are making fun of people for being attracted to men: guess what that’s terf ideology! yes, even straight women! if you think that ‘perceived women’ are inherently better than ‘perceived men’ stop!! predators are not inherently gay (god i can’t believe that i need to actually say this)!! if you think that wlw relationships are inherently more healthy than mlm or wlm or nblm stop it!! masculinity is not inherently toxic masculinity!! if you think that any relationship with a women is automatically better that one with a man stop!! people who are attracted to conventionally attractive women are not pedophiles (why do i have to say this why are you all so stupid), cut it out!,! what the actual fuck is wrong with you people stop spreading terf stuff! arguhdjd

[tea-cat-arts]

I wonder why Lesbian/wlw relationships are seen as more palatable to a general audience? I can think of quite a few wlw relationships in childrens cartoons that are given time and development (Catra and Adora, Korrasami, Lumity, Ruby and Sapphire, ext...), but as far as I can remember, all gay/mlm relationships are delegates to background characters (Bow's Dads) or are quickly established then forgotten (Shiro x anyone). If I were to make a guess as to why this is, I'd say it's because of toxic masculinity and the hypersexualization of men, causing a strong association between men and sexual activity (Not sure how well I'm getting this across, but I'm trying to say is that as a society, we tend to see men as inherently sexual). We tend to skip over all the non-sexual aspects of their relationships, and from what I've read, it seems like men (regardless of sexuality) and very touch starved and we should really be normalizing having non-sexual acts of intimacy with them.

On the hand, because of both heteronormitivity and the fact females are expected to not be sexual, we see wlw relationships as more acceptable. Women are allowed to be intimate with each other and we can still say "those girls are really good friends."

So, here's the thing that I have no explanation for: Why do we only respect relationships if they're non-sexual? This happens with Heterosexual relationships as well. I don't get it at all. Sex is just a thing that most people do. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, so why is it so demonized? I don't get it.

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

maybe it's weird but i feel like wlw relationships in media are always shown as very sexual and idk how to say it, fierce? And that makes me question if i really want to be in a relationship with a girl because i'm looking for kinda like, soft and cute relationship :(

I’m a bit surprised by this assessment of wlw relationships in media tbh but then again I don’t watch media specifically for queer reasons so I guess I don’t know exactly how that landscape is looking right now. In my experience though there’s either fetishised “““lesbian porn”““ that’s made for the male gaze - which I assume isn’t what you were talking about, or.... well.... more or less decently handled depictions of f/f relationships that aren’t oversexualised while still not denying the fact that women do be fucking each other sometimes.

That being said, if you cannot find your own needs or wishes reflected in media that doesn’t mean you cannot find that in real life. Media often isn’t realistic, especially when it comes to depictions of marginalised groups. So just because you see wlw depicted one way in media doesn’t mean that’s how all wlw are in reality.

I wanna caution you to not treat “sexual” as the opposite of “cute and soft” though. That is actually a rather problematic stance (rooting in purity culture which itself is heavily pushed by radfem rhetoric) that keeps being pushed on tumblr where the false idea is that ~~wlw relationships are inherently soft and cute and healthy because they aren’t as grossly sexual as those bad and toxic m/f relationships~~.

Don’t fall for that trap! It’s okay if you don’t want to have sex or sex just doesn’t play a huge role in your fantasies and wishes. That’s fine and your future partner(s) should respect that. But don’t think that relationships can only be EITHER soft and cute OR sexual. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive and if you seriously think they are then you’ve fallen for purity culture. Sex isn’t a bad thing, a sexual relationship can be just as “cute and soft” as a non-sexual one. And even people who like and have rough sex or kinky sex aren’t inherently in “toxic and unhealthy relationships” because it’s not as sweet and vanilla as the thing you personally wish for. It’s just... different people = different sexual needs! And all it comes down to is finding a partner you are compatible with.

Maddie

[sometimesrosy]

I think it’s funny that as soon as this season (and the past two let’s be real) starts exemplifying all the fanfic tropey elements I’ve seen people wish the writers would do those same people start dissing the show and the writing because it’s “bad” and “slow”. Like do they not realize that the kind of odd feeling were all getting by Bellamy not being there and no one really acknowledging his absence is on purpose?? To prove how important and necessary he really is?? idk it’s just odd

Why do you think I ignore them and unfollowed and muted them all? 

Their interpretations and expectations and demands and upsets are both hypocritical and antagonistic.

And this isn’t new. Like, they said it was unfair because Bellamy was being made the villain and sidelined and I was like, but he’s not? He’s being turned into a hero with the good and evil mentors (kane and pike) fighting over his soul? AND he’s the center of the Arkadia plot and everything keeps getting worse until HE takes action and becomes empowered? Like. It’s HIS story?

Or when people (rightly) bemoaned the kill the gays trope, saying LGBT rep was ruined, when the HERO of the show is LGBT. Granted it’s problematic, but this is how (I think) you get over the kill the gays trope: by making LGBT people the main characters who the story revolves around. Oh and then the biphobia and misogyny inherent in saying Clarke wasn’t allowed to be with a man because it was bad rep (it’s not bad rep, it’s bi rep rather than lesbian rep, which is not bad, just not lesbian. a bi woman being with a man is valid as bi women do that in real life sometimes and it represents THEM even when they’re not in wlw relationships.) 

When season 5 came, and it was all about Clarke and Bellamy getting back together, I was like, oh my god guys, this is it, they’re taking it romantic! Look at the love triangle! Look at Clarke’s romantic jealousy over B/E!! And fandom was like? What romance? It’s platonic. Bellarke is dead. There’s no such thing as a love triangle and if there were it wouldn’t be c/b/e because bellarke is platonic. And I’m like “another traitor you love?” and they’re like PLATONIC. I’m like that Clecho scene? PLATONIC b/e is endgame, he betrayed us. 

That fucking CPR scene???? SO ROMANTIC and they’re like PLATONIC??

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT PLATONIC?

I will say that the blorkes have disappointed me FAR more than the CL’s ever did despite their toxicity. Because we have SUCH a fanfic set up.... slow burn 300k unfinished, true, but SUCH a fanfic, with Bellarke confirmed by JR as the main relationship and soulmates, and fandom DOESN’T RECOGNIZE THE ROMANCE.

That’s not what shipping is supposed to do. It’s not supposed to see the OTP in canon and DENY any romance between them. It’s supposed to look at the OTP in canon and SEE ROMANCE EVERYWHERE!!! And there’s so much to see? It’s getting more and more romantic, despite the romantic obstacles and separations that are PART of making a romance story exciting and engaging and tense and FUN. 

I get why the CLs would create a love story from the bits they were given. That’s appropriate shipping (not the wars on people who don’t ship, but loving their ship is FINE!) Even to the point of erasing canon, which I don’t support, but I get. But I DON’T get why the Blorkes would look at all we’ve been given and conclude there’s no romance there, when it is classically, blatantly, trope-ily, canonically, narratively romantic. 

They have taken on the roles of the CL antis in debunking all bellarke romance in canon. So they are no longer shipping bellarke, they are anti shipping.

And I just don’t have patience for that and that’s why I don’t play with the doubters any more. 

[space-malex]

Why do people who hate Malex claim they don’t want a problematic/toxic relationship yet they ship Kylex which is even more problematic/toxic because Kyle used to be abusive to Alex?

To be honest, even though I don’t ship it romantically, kyl3x is the healthiest relationship on the show along with kyl!z. Kyle is not the person that he was in high school. He has apologized and tried to make amends and has done nothing but be a really good person the whole time we have known him. If Alex got with Kyle, I don’t see it to be problematic. But we know that’s not gonna happen, so it’s kinda pointless to discuss. But I’ll say I find it really inch resting that on a show with two canon queer males who are in love, some people ship Alex with a straight man. Not talking about all kyl3x shippers for the record, I specifically mean ones who ship m!luca and kyl3x in conjunction. It shows that mlm/wlw content really means diddly squat to them. Just saying.

The so-called “toxicity” in Michael and Alex’s relationship stems from their misunderstanding and lack of communication. They have a very deep love for one another; they just have trouble expressing themselves and properly understanding one another. When people point to stuff like this, it’s always inherently bullshit. Look at Max and Michael, Max and Liz, Isobel and Rosa, Alex and Maria, Michael and Maria. All of these relationships, romantic or not, have had unhealthy moments, lack of communication, misunderstanding, etc. It doesn’t make the relationships bad. Anytime people make these claims, it always comes down to the fact that they ship something else and they are trying to find an argument for why a certain ship is “wrong” to shame those who do ship it. Pay this no mind.