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aranarumei · 1 year ago

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how much does sasaki talk about hirano?

hey everyone. I’m coming to you live with an INVESTIGATIVE REPORT about the one and only sasaki shuumei. the question above pretty much summarizes what I'm trying to find out. so I’ll expand on this under the cut. apologies in advance for any typos

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there’s a scene that’s always made me confused ever since I first read it (which wow. I’ve been reading this manga as it updates since partly through volume 3… crazy how far its come!) and that is this sequence of two pages in the extras of Vol 7 (39.5), below:

hirano’s like “well, it’s fine to talk about me to miyano as long as you didn’t say any weird stuff about me” and sasaki goes. Silent. Now I at the time assumed like. ah sasaki’s talking about the hirano and kagiura relationshipisms. or the whole uke thing. right?

…right?

see, the thing is: when sasaki visits campus in ch 46, he asks the basketball team about a kagi-kun, and then when miyano questions him about what he was doing, he’s like “oh I just remembered hirano’s old roommate was on the basketball team,” and then refuses to even tell miyano his name. so it’s like… did sasaki EVER talk about hirano’s roommate to Miyano? like of his own initiative? did he offer any information? so I decided that instead of just bringing that question up, I’d reread all of sasaki to miyano and get my answer.

disclaimer that this deals with exclusively the manga: I have this hidden fear that I’m going to post this and get a reply like “oh this is 50% of the entire novel content” but! the scene in question comes up in the manga! I think it ought to then refer to an event in the manga! but seriously if stuff like that does come up in the novel feel free to chime in. also bc I was rereading the whole manga I have Other Thoughts Too but. those can hopefully marinate their way into other posts.

ch 2:

miyano: But I saw you! I saw you laughing as you chatted with a first-year boy from class 1A in the basketball club with a lovely smile!

this does not count. miyano brings this up to hirano himself. in fact a lot of miyano putting hirano into bl contexts happens In Front Of Hirano’s Face. not really a conversation starter for sasaki. it does make ch 46 way more interesting bc it means like. sasaki has remembered that kagiura’s on the basketball team to the point that he wants to check in on him? whereas miyano like Knows this info yet never really pursues it. suppose it’d be awkward to just go up and try to find him without knowing his name, though.

ch 4:

sasaki says “but hirano can handle alcohol fine” which is perfectly on topic since they were just discussing how sasaki can’t handle it. it’s miyano that spins into bl fantasies afterwards. also hirano is right there in this situation. does not count.

ch 5:

sasaki: Hirano’s playing Oiwa-san for the haunted house. Want to see? He’s crossdressing and wearing a wig.

this does count. sasaki is bringing up hirano and telling miyano something that miyano would totally get excited about. it is, I would say, not brought up out of nowhere, since they discuss crossdressing right before. unrelated to this I would love to see the image of sasaki as hanako-san of the toilet.

ch 6:

sasaki asks about miyano’s love life and when miyano says that he’s not romantically interested in anyone around here, and sasaki asks “what about hirano?” miyano says he ships him with his roommate and the conversation ends there. I would say this also does not count—yeah, he’s perhaps bringing up hirano as a romantic prospect, but I think this is more sasaki like. being jealous more than it is using him as a reason to talk to miyano. he’s like. a pretty jealous guy.

ch 8:

sasaki tells miyano that his grades suck and hirano’s been tutoring him. this does not count.

ch 11:

sasaki says “don’t you prefer black-haired ukes?” and “ah, you mean like hirano?” when miyano says he prefers manly ukes. this does count. while it’s in the topic of conversation, there’s not a real reason he has to bring hirano up. plus, he even continues it with “hirano’s pretty tall. can he still not be a seme?” so it’s using hirano to keep a conversation going with miyano, but I will note it’s not what starts the conversation.

ch 13:

sasaki talks about hirano getting banned from doing the ball toss. this does not count.

ch 24.5:

“ooh, if it was hirano, it would be taiko” says sasaki when miyano brings up all the girl names that he and his classmates would have. this does not count. it’s a natural extension of the various female names they’ve been talking about, sasaki included, and hirano’s their mutual friend.

ch 33:

sasaki brings up hirano’s dedication to studying and how he says that getting accepted to university isn’t the finish line. says hirano’s pretty cool for that mindset. this does not count.

ch 41:

sasaki says "haha, yikes! hirano was a terrible influence!" when miyano tells him about kuresawa getting a piercing. this does not count. it’s also after graduation, where the scene happened.

ch 42.5:

sasaki is like wow I can't believe hirano's roommate does THAT in the mornings to miyano, regarding vol 2 of sasaki to miyano. however this kind of thing isn't quite canonical since they know there are books being published about them so. this does not count.

halloween 2018 extra:

miyano asks if sasaki's friends got their items confiscated, and sasaki replies by saying that hirano's in charge of confiscation for their class, so their class had the idea to overwhelm him. this does not count.

dvd extra 4:

sasaki tells miyano about how they ripped the wallpaper on accident, and once he said it kind of gave it a badboy feel, they started doing it on purpose. hirano participated in it too. this does not count.

I’ve probably missed some, but we can see that out of all of these situations, only TWO are actually what I’d qualify as “weird” by hirano’s metrics. unless sasaki talking about the wild stuff Hirano gets up to includes his ball toss strategy and him ripping up wallpaper. then it’s four. my point is that sasaki says it’s “a lot” when it’s not. so… why is that?

I’ve been mulling over a couple of ideas regarding this, but I kind of don’t want to offer up my own interpretations first? plus when I tried writing my answer I spun off into a really bad tangent, so… post ends here. hope we all learned something here!

#kiri.txt #sasaki to miyano #sasaki shuumei #hirano taiga #i do not think it comes off that way at all but sasakis actually my fav character lol. guy doesnt even know how pretty he is... coughs.#thats unrelated. i should write actual sasamiya fic sometime tho that would be funny #anyways it could be that i missed something real obvious here #whoops if so #mostly i was embarrassed that theres an extra that literally spells out that hanzawas grades are better than hiranos and i got it wrong...#in this essay I will #harusono #sasahira

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rose-in-a-fisted-glove · 8 months ago

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Hi it’s the SU anon here I’m very sorry for how much I upset you, and I seriously wanted to piece tgt what I’m missing from the Jewish viewpoint so I appreciate u still being open to talking to me despite the ignorance. Also disclaimer I’m born and raised in Malaysia so I’ve not met an actual Jew in person until very recently in uni, so all I know is from the messy pile on the internet and I do genuinely learn from ur posts when I see them.

From what I see on ur blog u do show quite a lot of sympathy to the all the cruelty happening in Gaza, but don’t tolerate this being used as an excuse to target Israel/Jewish ppl. I do understand that the whole concept of pushing for an Israel/jewish ethnostate is very much entwined with the history of Jewish culture and the antisemitism endured through different times, so I think this is the part where I made the most ignorant statement on? After rereading what I wrote it might also have sounded like all Jews hold extremely reactionary views towards the word “ceasefire”? Pls do point out more of what upset u, I take full responsibility for what I said and pls stop this convo at any point if I end up offending u more.

Recognizing that you don't know something is the first step towards fixing it. It's good that you thought on your previous ask and tried to research it! But you're missing an awful lot so let's start from the top.

(As a reminder and so others can seee, here's the original ask)

"Hi, this a question abt ur opinion on what’s happening in Gaza just bc you’re one of my favourite blogs that goes deep into Jewish culture/issues. If at any point this question becomes annoying pls ignore.

Anyways so in my college SU meeting recently someone sent in a motion to make an official statement to condemn the war and call for immediate and permanent ceasefire + provide more support to the Jewish and Muslim/Arab students affected by increased hate in the community as well. This sparked a debate among those in attendance and of course there’s a few very pro-Israel voices that insists that a ceasefire will cause Israel to lose all ability to defend itself as well as many pro-Palestine arguments. The motion ended up discarded bc of procedural reasons but as someone who has mostly held a free Palestine view so far and has been hoping for a more inclusive Israel in the future, I don’t understand why stopping a war hurting both sides is taken as an Israel must disappear take by many. I always just accepted it as it’s probably got a lot more antisemitic undertone when it’s a Jew that hears it, but I really wanna hear ur take as well bc the debate I witnessed brought up very disturbing points that I can’t stop thinking about. Hope this didn’t end up sounding disrespectful and thanks for always sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues!"

First problem comes right with the opening sentence; "Hi, this a question abt ur opinion on what’s happening in Gaza just bc you’re one of my favourite blogs that goes deep into Jewish culture/issues."

Going to random Jews who do not post about the conflict and asking for their "stance" on it is part of a series of antisemitic loyalty tests and is extremely rude on top of it. Furthermore, speaking on Jewish cultures and issues and antisemitism is not the same as being experienced or knowledgeable on international conflicts.

And then your next paragraphs are of course riddled with anti-Israeli biases and examples that you've been listening to/reading propaganda uncritically, such as "wanting a more inclusive Israel" and in your more recent ask saying things like "I do understand that the whole concept of pushing for an Israel/jewish ethnostate is very much entwined with the history of Jewish culture and the antisemitism endured through different times". So you clearly have a basic lack of knowledge about both Israel and the conflict in general along with Zionism itself.

But, again, that's not an area I talk about much. If any of the folks who do talk about it, see this and want to go into it, please do! Just to repeat here, you shouldn't have been asking me in the first place.

Then, this part here, showed me that you have a history of dismissing antisemitism as Jews being overly sensitive "I always just accepted it as it’s probably got a lot more antisemitic undertone when it’s a Jew that hears it." And then that was compounded by your closing insult, "thanks for always sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues!"

And that closing insult told me that I had woefully failed in sharing any information about antisemitism at all. "Sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues". Jewish "viewpoints" and antisemitism are just as important as any other sort of bias. Pointing out antisemitism and sharing stories about antisemitism does not, and can not, undermine other social issues. It is not lesser. Honestly, I'm still kind of livid over that shot.

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ordiichai · 1 year ago

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Some aimless rambling abt my genderfluid Sebastian hc

So this is an idea that i, surprisingly, haven’t seen explored before and i think that is sad. Therefore, i am taking up that responsibility and writing an entire ass essay about this idea that i have.

A few disclaimers:

1: i have no outline for this and am kind of just writing whatever comes into my head, so please forgive any tangents or just general gay nonsense.

2: i am not caught up on the manga, so this is based mainly off of the anime, the small bit of the manga i have read (vol 1-5), my general knowledge of the series, and small tidbits of the story that I’ve picked up from various sources

3: I am counting all of Black Butler as part of the same story. I know there are people who only use the manga canon when analysing Black Butler, but I prefer to assume that if something is true in, for example, season 1 it will be true in season 3. So if ur manga-only or just one of those ppl who hate everything about the anime, you might wanna leave

Enjoy!

So I’ve basically had this idea ever since i saw this manga panel

Honestly, when i look at this image, all i can think of is my intense gender envy for this guy AND how genderqueer it is. And that is for multiple reasons. One being that, in general, shapeshifter characters are often coded genderfluid due to the simple fact that they can turn into anything, and that would clearly include another gender. One notable example of this being Nimona. A character that, similarly to Sebastian, normally takes a single human form. But they also occasionally take the forms of different people or even animals. I’m not sure if it’s fully canon, but it’s pretty much agreed that Nimona is genderfluid.

Another reason is that fucking text. “I am no one, yet i can become anyone” you mean you can become a woman 🤨? Ayo? In all seriousness though, that is a very genderqueer thing to say. The idea of “being no one” sounds very non-binary in its own right, but pair that with the "becoming anyone" line, there is a very clear parrallel to the idea of being genderfluid or non-binary.

Sebastian is also just super queer-coded in general. Always going on about his "aesthetic" and have y'all seen those fucking high heels? He is shown to be not tradtionally masculine, what with his long and unkempt hair, black nails (i know it's implied that that just happens when demons take a human form, but i like to imagine they all just paint their nails bc it looks cool), and occupation with fashion and his looks. He has an interesting tendancy to flirt with literally everyone he talks to, including multiple men.

Overall, he is a very genderbending character. He is very effeminate, wears the pointest high heels known to man in his demon form, and is generally very queer coded. Although we aren't really given much info on demon lore, especially when it comes to things like gender, but we do know that angels have the ability to shift from a male body to a female one in a matter of seconds. Ash Landers is another character that I beleive to be at least very coded genderfluid. He has to ability to just...become a woman on a whim and also seems to hate the idea of binary gender. He describes man's separation by gender as the genisis of evil, for god's sake. It is fair to assume that demons live by the same rules.

That is all for now, I may post another one of these later on in time, either about the same topic, or about a different one. Thanks for putting up with my nonsense and I hope you enjoyed :D

In conclusion,

#black butler #kuroshitsuji #black butler ciel #black butler sebastian #sebastian michealis #genderfluid sebastian michealis #this turned out longder than i expected #i hope im doing tags right #idk how tumblr works

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that-binchh · 4 months ago

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random chiquititas headcanons

disclaimer: i haven’t seriously engaged in marauders content in like a year so these aren’t grounded in canon (i think), they’re just vibes

mary is a lesbian who dealt with comp het for most of her hogwarts years (i have SOOOO many thoughts)

butch marlene. butch marlene. butch marlene. (mostly uses she/her pronouns, but post-hogwarts i can see marlene using he/him more often)

femme x butch dorlene realness

3/5 of the girls are lesbians bc lesbians rock

lily is bisexual while pandora wouldn’t label herself but she’s a girlkisser too

lily is the OG ABBA fangirl that converted the rest of the girls, including dorcas (although i think dorcas wouldn’t ever admit she likes abba out loud but she’s singing along during drunk karaoke

speaking of ABBA, petunia is the one who actually got lily into their music. so lily’s feelings towards them becomes complicated, to say the least

mary is a second gen haitian immigrant bc i’m a second gen haitian immigrant. and because i can’t speak creole neither can she

mary has a little brother (4 years younger than her). he’s a muggle and never felt resentment towards magic until mary was attacked during year 7

lilys temper and self righteousness is a blessing and a curse

dorcas is a certified daddy’s girl

marlene really struggled with making friends with her dormmates during year 1 because she “didn’t know how to be friends with girls” (being raised with tons of brothers, james, + peter had little marlene believe girls were too complicated aka not as cool as boys)

speaking of girlhood, mary was marlene’s girlhood guru, which also led to mary being marlene’s first crush

don’t get me started about marlene’s battle with femininity after she realized she was butch

dorcas is tender headed so she braids her own hair. her go to style is micro braids (think moesha)

mary’s go to is her fro or a headscarf. but once her and dorcas become friends, she lets dorcas experiment with different styles on her. (it soothes mary’s homesickness)

year 1-4 mary had VERY complicated feelings about lily, like i don’t think they really became friends until year 5 (after lily fully cuts off snape)

lily, on the other hand, always thought mary was the coolest girl in school and didn’t get why she would be so cold to her one moment and a sweetheart the next

mary and dorcas secretly bonded over being craft girlies (mary makes her own clothes and dorcas makes her own jewelry)

pandora is not a rosier. lovegood is actually her maiden name (xeno is down BAD for her, he’d 100% take her last name)

pandora is actually super intimidating, when she wants to be

mary began crushing on marlene right when marlene got over her crush on mary

lily and dorcas are academic rivals but on the low

lily loves sour candy, specially anything and everything lemon flavored

dorcas is a big jazz/blues fan bc of her dad

dorcas and pandora are besties who bond over their dark humor, passion for spell crafting, and a few blunts

mary is an edible girlie

marlene prefers cigs but will take a few hits depending on her mood

weed makes lily paranoid so she sticks with liquor (which she can drink like a fucking sailor)

contrary to popular opinion, marylily aren’t friends to lovers. they are strangers to begrudging acquaintances to enemies to friends to lovers to exes (i have TOO MANY thoughts about their dynamic lmao)

mary is super friendly but doesn’t actually care about having many friends

pandora is an amazing figure skater

pandora is a polyglot (she would have studied linguistics, if this was a muggle au)

marlene is a certified enabler

in terms of how the girls became a group, originally it was just mary and marlene as a duo. year 1-4, lily was somewhat of a causal friend because she was still tight with snape. (but each year she got closer to both girls). by end of year 4, the duo has organically grown to a trio. off to the side, dorcas and pandora became instant besties in year 3 (i like to think that pandora was a transfer student so they didn’t meet until year 2). marlene and dorcas start dating beginning of year 6, which brings everyone together (until the war tears them apart)

(not to dip into my war/post-war HCs but MARY DID NOT OBLIVATE HERSELF

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joshgoodman · 1 year ago

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Here it is, folks, my final assessment of Better Call Saul. Disclaimer: this may be long.

About a month ago, on October 27, I decided to go through my phone contacts. Who doesn't do that every once in a while? Well, I decided to call up a certain someone (who I honestly thought had forgotten about me because of how long it had been), and to my surprise, after maybe two rings, I heard a voice on the other end. Was it seriously her?! I've changed my number three or four times over the years (easier than transferring data), but always made sure to keep that number written in sharpie on a piece of paper in my wallet. This will all become relevant in a bit, keep reading!

Seasons 1 to 4 were setting up Jimmy and Kim's relationships with the other characters, like Howard, Chuck, the members of the cartel, and Mike. It was also setting up the audience to understand the involvement in the cartel. There were several callbacks to earlier seasons going along, which was a nice touch.

Season 5 was where Kim started to change (for the better), and we saw just how crazy she was getting. The whole Mesa Verde plot line was constructed in a way to bring out Kim's true colors.

Season 6 was the meat of the story, where the writers really stepped on the gas. I was talking to my girlfriend, and was baffled that in such a short time (starting from S6 E7), they wrapped up a beautifully written show. No spoilers for the series finale, though!

Season 7, which we're still working on, is turning out really great. Check out my girlfriends page for a pinned post about it. I'm just giving her ideas and helping her brainstorm. Asking the "what if" questions, and throwing some stuff from left field to see what she thinks.

Back to October 27. I was walking on the beach that night, cliche I know, and called the number. I immediately hung up, because what was I supposed to say? It had been 5 YEARS since I had last heard from her, much like Jimmy and Kim in S6. We started talking again, and on October 29, I started watching and taking notes on BCS.

I would come home from work, watch a few episodes, and then call her to discuss. I missed maybe one night because work ran late. Bonding over this show, and seeing how Jimmy would do anything for Kim really made me enjoy the show that much more. As far as the ending, I really liked the way the writers chose to leave us with an open door. (Which is why S7 or another spin off would be great!)

I'm throwing a little questionarre up because I accidentally clicked the wrong button on mobile, and I'm new to Tumblr also.

Thank you for introducing me to the show, and the other shows we have to watch, baby girl. I love you 💜. @thekimspoblog

#better call saul #kim wexler #jimmy mcgill #fan theory #fan writing #i love her #mike erhmantraut #nacho varga

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somethingshifted · 2 years ago

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as i wrote, this became longer and longer, so i'm sticking it under a readmore to save your dash, i'm just waffling about the plot

as someone who feels like the band taking their own plot too seriously with plastic beach pushed the writing into a box ever since then, i still find myself wanting to connect each phase to each other. like surely there was an underlying point to be made between murdoc painting the plastic beach pink and the last cult's main color being pink. why is russel struggling again after they've set up shop in LA, his birth country but the other corner, in what i consider tumultuous times that in the end has Del return (even if unacknowledged). but then i kind of shrug my shoulders as canon is still a hodgepodge of 100 things marching in a circle. it's still easily entertainable in my head and i can't help but pick out tidbits i thought have meaning, and re-arrange them in my head like a dollhouse. i may actually dislike it if they did try to connect the two album phases officially and go down a serious route again but PB existing just makes those connections in my head. a fan interpretation is always fine but i think it's best left to the fans. that sounds haughty to say but, for the band to stay a band, i prefer it that way.

so whats the point of this post. the thing is, i'd genuinely be satisfied if gorillaz continued not taking their own plot so seriously, with the disclaimer that i do wish they'd be steadfast with characterization. like it'd be nice if any of them actually held commentary on cults practices considering theyre usually open about their view on world events, but i think enough griping about CI promo material is out there i have nothing new to say other than falling back to CI being a spur of the moment album with a release schedule out of the creators control plus the shitty fact that russel & noodle have been kind of nothing for almost 10 yrs OOPS. they could explore more avenues if they were freed from having to address past events as if they're characters in a storybook and not symbols that change with the times. and maybe if they remembered they can give characters new traits as russel's done things like pick up taxidermy and cooking but only one is referenced for several albums as his sole trait and *zips my lips*

i really feel like a bitch for wanting to harp on the lost chord as it's a beautiful, beautiful song outside of the characters, and additionally i'm a sucker for moments murdoc is faced with how he used to act, but i don't think i'd ever take it as part of a linear plot? which is why i can't fully feel like he's gone back on his word being a cunt to 2D again and falling back into the grandeur lifestyle and all that with the cult stuff.. like, let me wear my pretentious hat for a second but the lockdowns leading people to reminisce about so many things so openly and retreading memories in lieu of making new ones due to being cooped up, resonates more with my feels on the last chord, rather than uh blowing the island up and such and using portals. see, Song Machine can be written around easier bc you can say they're filming the MVs and they're metaphors, even the art reflects this (i didnt listen to the podcasts yet). but then it references the events of PB so openly that you can't just go "well thats the fake MV they shot" and that, incongruence, is hard for me. so was it refreshing to have CI not walk in circles of Murdoc is trying to say sorry guys? yes? i don't know what redemption would do for his character, as the topic of abuse and trauma (when explored with tact) is pretty important to me story wise honestly, but it's kind of... getting repetitive at some points. or maybe too much focus on murdoc 'redeeming' himself at the cost of 2D having traits stripped away and noodle & russ being silent. i don't want the events of plastic beach to be erased from both his and the band's history. having him be the villain of the plot du album is also meh, which is why i can appreciate the less serious canon on him where recent writing is concerned. 2018 is like yesterday to me and they (writers) were still poking fun at murdoc being not only assaulted in prison but also being in the psychiatric ward of prison. like what was that all about, i really really prefer peepaw livestreaming for attention to them taking harrowing events and making them the butt of a joke. i feel like it was handled better in pirate radio even if that itself wasn't meant to be all doom and gloom. it just made more sense. and theresssss my problemmmmm

all that being said i will always adore plastic beach. some of the plot heavy things contain my favorite moments and i'm easily baited with nostalgia so this isn't a bashing post at all... just looking back and wondering if the written material is best when they're dropping tidbits and leave it for fans to imagine up scenarios, rather than adhere to a canon timeline all the time. it's so hard to sum up my feelings on this and stay in perspective of the band because my genuine feeling is that i actually love a lot of the murdoc storylines and i can't reconcile that with feeling put off that it requires believing some MVs and story beats are "real". because i'm shaking the gorillaz dollhouse regardless. and writing angst in my head revolving around how recovery isn't a straight line. and how tbh russel's journey is a direct foil to murdoc's. because all the ingredients are there

like read that and call me a hypocrite, i am! i just have a lot of thoughts. i think if i knew how to write fanfic i'd just shut up and do that but my dialogue writing skills make me uncomfortable due to not being BRITISH.

TL;DR, i'd be satisfied if plot being canonically recognized wasn't a drawback on the band because they honestly suffer when they do fall back on addressing the timeline and treating the characters as Vessels who Had Someting Happen To Them rather than whatever symbol for the current topic of the album. i do think the current writing gets repetitive and sanded down. at the same time i will always encourage fan interpretations regardless because i find those very fun. in being non linear it opens their world up to diff. perspectives. and i #support peepaw listening to weyes blood

#text #and again warning for some negativity but always a disclaimer that it isnt all negative #i just dont know how to condense my thoughts welcome to my mind toilet

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g4rchomp · 1 year ago

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sorry for being the billionth person making a post abt barbie. also sorry this post is sooo long I have a lot to say. disclaimer: I am saying words recreationally, don't take any of this too seriously pls!!

a strongly anticapitalist feminist friend invited me to see the movie in a theatre. I was intrigued as to why she would suggest that so I accepted. she said she invited me bc she wanted to see how I would react and what I would think, which I find funny lol

good movie to discuss with friends and people you know in real life around a drink etc. but NOT on the internet. (this is perhaps the most important point I really want to stress that)

any criticism of mattel by mattel (who pockets revenues from the movie) has no value to me

great movie to practice your hater skills. the balance of good stuff and bad stuff is amazing to keep your haterism skills sharp lol

my biggest gripes with the movie

I don't like how Sasha's character (pre-teen who hates barbie and seems to dislike her mom but gets closer to her during the movie) was handled.

First, her very factual and true concerns over capitalism and self-image related to barbie are never explored or taken into actual consideration. throughout the movie she's urged to understand her mother more but her efforts are not reciprocated.

Second, I am sooo deeply tired of teens being depicted as angry for no reasons. like wooow you're growing up and now you hate me, your super cool and understanding mother :((( it's always deeper than this if your kid dislikes you. this stuff always get an eye roll from me sorry

overall the feminism sucked so just quickly: patriarchy is presented as an individual force rather than a systemic one, no mention of race/age/class/sexual orientation etc. etc. etc. only misogyny but the world doesn't work like that

on that topic btw I didn't like how weird barbie (virtually the only gnc barbie) is only here to repair other barbies and make them whole again and doesn't exist outside of that. how fitting lollll

also seeing sasha go from 'I hate barbie and societal expectations' to 'barbie is my friend I'm wearing pink now' was kinda sad. gnc girls and girls who aren't girls I love you. in itself this trajectory isn't necessarily bad but on a personal level it just felt wrong.

it is an ok point of entry/conversation starters for feminist concerns if you're really on ground 0

forever my biggest gripe with the movie is how marketed it was and how it's made to sell me products. any feminism that attempts to grab my wallet isn't feminism I'm interested in

three really distasteful moments that stood out to me:

indigenous catching smallpox joke -> just shut the fuck up incredibly inappropriate and violent.

'to show how our character becomes human, we show she's going to the obgyn hihi' not funny didn't laugh it felt bioessentialist and to have it be the closing scene of the movie was just a bad move (to me at least but more on that later lol)

'margot robbie might not be the best person to deliver a message about how women shouldn't feel pressure to feel beautiful hihi' yeah she's not. congrats on making money by centering a beautiful skinny white woman and telling the audience you did it on purpose

lighthearted stuff

the music was fun I like how they used it throughout the movie

the costumes looked good, the film was pretty and I liked the acting it looked like they had fun filming

it was a real 'oh I get it now' moment when I saw 2ft margot robbie on the screen. she is attractive I can see it now

not related but it was kinda like straight people camp lol

the final scene (aka my other biggest gripe with the movie but it gets a section to itself)

women go to the obgyn hihihihi. ok first of all cool welcome to one of the most central sphere to violence against women. second going to the obgyn isn't a universal experience for women for many, many reasons. third ig it was a joke that fits the humorous tone of the movie but it didn't land for me.

ALSO. they already had the perfect ending (imo) with the pink birkenstocks!! early in the movie she has to make a choice between pretty pink heels and ugly brown sandals. we see her at the end wearing pink sandals. having her picking her new shoes would show she journey she's been on much better than the obgyn joke imo!!!

Anyways here are my thoughts. I'd be interested to know what you think abt these points or if you felt this way when watching the movie too, although honestly I feel like online settings are less than ideals to talk abt that. I wouldn't say I hated the movie (despite what the post might suggest lol) I don't regret seeing it. at least the movie made me want to talk about it and clarify some feelings I have after watching it, which is always something even if I disliked many things abt it!

#didn't think I'd have so much to say BUT I am a hater and a lover which makes me talkative. sorry #also worth saying if you are not following me pleaaaaase don't engage with this post that would be super appreciated!!

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euphoricfilter · 1 year ago

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I shouldn't be surprised at the amount of haters for gender fluid jk but like... Yeah, it's a work of fiction, first of all, its not that deep. Some of y'all are chill with a/b/o dynamics but not with playing with gender? 🤨 secondly, it's jungkook. THE jungkook. Are they telling me him possibly using different pronouns is a turn off? 🤨🤨🤨 that's so weird, the man could seriously be into feet and I'd still love him if he let me ((i dont mean to compare queerness with a fetish, it's just the example that popped up first)). i dont get queerphobia in general (bc we're just, ya know, existing??) But yeah, if you're not into something, scroll on? Mind your business?? Nobody is getting hurt here.

And their idea that you portraying him as queer is "dehumanising" is especially telling of their morals and I don't care for it at all.

Idk, you're doing amazing sweetie, we don't listen to the phobes, good job

i told my best friend when i started writing gender fluid jk that i just know someone’s gonna come in my inbox and be an absolute bitch about it. no joke, not even an hour after i posted the teaser someone had already said something. not even the full fic, just the teaser??

but that’s what i’m saying!! if you’re gonna get mad about me changing pronouns then why are they okay with jungkook as a hybrid, a/b/o, yandere, shitty mafia guy that murders people, a real mean bitch of a man that’s hella misogynistic. like ??? it’s a story, just like every other fan fic trope that exists that they’ve probably read?

boo hoo i made yoongi a lesbian 🍅 mega boooo because i gave jungkook he/they pronouns 🍅🍅🍅 suck my dick

it’s not that deep. and non binary, lesbian, gender fluid, gay, trans, all the works armys exist 🚶‍♀️be real, let everyone have a little fun sometimes, like i know within the community it’s not always easy to find fics that are completely relatable, and that’s why i love the representation

SERIOUSLY!!! disclaimer before i get weird people in my inbox again, but literally jungkook has never specified his pronouns. and that’s not me saying he should be nonbinary or gender fluid plus, once again since apparently it didn’t stick the first time, it’s a story

fictional jungkook isn’t gonna give you cooties because he’s gender fluid. he’s living his best life with his cutie partner 🚶‍♀️

LMAO i understand what you mean though, literally jungkook can be into whatever, or whoever, he can like what he wants, identity as what he wants and that’s not gonna throw me off, have you seen that guy. i would commit multiple war crimes for him

that’s what i said :( just unfollow me, block me even, i don’t care. it’s not that deep and i’m not gonna miss them at all.

it’s just, i guess upsetting that someone would come onto my page and say something that isn’t true about me when they clearly know nothing?? and then treat me like i’m the ignorant one 🚶‍♀️

i hope they know bts absolutely hates them for being queerphobic. yoongi has our back fr 🙏

yay thank you babes 🫂💕 kicking my legs and giggling or whatever because you’re so sweet. please accept a smooch ‼️ MWAH

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leeminholinoing · 2 years ago

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Hey, what has Louis said about 1D that's so offensive? Just genuinely asking, if I missed any interview. Louis has always talked about 1D with utter adoration. Harry doesn't even acknowledge 1D nowadays.

See this is false, harry has talked about 1d throughout the years and only said good things about it. Do I wish he said more and interacted with the boys? yes I do but sony doesn't want that.

Louis when asked directly always say nice things about 1d but it's more in the indirect quotes and implications that there is a nuance that I personally don't like

He keep saying he doesn't do pop and should be taken seriously, implied not 1d's sound -> when his album could be a 1d album (bc he's literally the heart of 1d's music)

He says he was blindsided by the end of 1d and that he thought they'd come back, implied that liam, niall and harry deceived him. No one will be able to make me believe louis is stupid or clueless which is what it sounds like when he says this. also louis was the leader how come he wouldn't have known about it all... just doesn't make sense. he's trashing their legacy and indirectly the boys just to appear like a victim (????) Idk.

the implication about fan's taste every time he says he needs to release transitional songs so we don't get spooked by his sound or something. As if we only listen to pop songs (which btw wouldn't mean we have no taste). implication that pop music isn't real music.

When he says that he made fans (implied pop girlies) discover (implied real) bands and that he's the one showing us good music.

disclaimer: Idk how to explain it better I'm sorry but it's just a general feeling with his quotes and the way he talks about his music and the before and after.

I don't think louis thinks like that but the way he presents thing just doesn't sit right with me AND like I said in my tag post, harry would get hate for acting the way he's been acting about pop music and 1d.

#anons

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4dtk · 3 years ago

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anon: “hewoo !! umm can you make nct ideal type like age , apperance , height , cute or sexy etc 🌬️” let’s fuckin GOOOO. i’ll be using gender neutral terms for this! please tell me if i used she/her for any part as i’m more used to writing for fem readers!

sorry this took like almost a week i’ve been really busy lately, i apologise! under a cut because its so long lol

disclaimer: tons of “i feel”s and “i think”s; plus, this is just my headcanons of the boys! remember that all of you are beautiful and lovely and special in ur own way!! <3

TAEIL

i feel like taeil would want someone closer to his age (+/-), unless,,, UNLESS he finds someone he really clicks with (like haechan for eg) if they’re at a younger age

if he really does then taeil will 100% make the effort

ngl taeil would love a person taller than him, would worship the shit outta them

if he gets teased for being shorter he doesnt care LMAO this man will have his hand around your middle and eye the other person mockingly

would love when you own your appearance with confidence, he likes to be by your side to admire how comfortable you feel in your skin

see him being a more traditional man by dating a korean person, but if he’s attracted to someone not of his race, i can see him making the effort

appearance? maybe someone who cleans up well, in a sense who’s a bit proper in their hygiene and like hair or accessories ig. he doesn’t mind what you wear tho, personally leaning more towards the comfy styles of cardigans and baggy clothes.

JOHNNY

either wants someone younger or older… i’m leaning more towards a younger s/o though bc he naturally has a “taking care” kinda vibe, and it’s sweet to see since he naturally takes care of the younger members like mark and haechan

wants to SMOTHER his s/o so i also think he’d want someone shorter than him. the man is a fucking skyscraper lawd

generally likes to give love A LOT since he’s an only child and wants to share that affection with someone who aren’t his parents or the members

but, but, like taeil, i see him really liking being held by his s/o, not just in a small spoon but laying on your chest, lying in between your legs with his head on ur tummy… so cute

i feel like johnny wouldn’t care much for appearance, nor your race since he kinda has the freedom to engage in english conversation. likes a cutesy positive vibe that can share the positivity and happiness he radiates normally!!

TAEYONG

feel like he would go for someone a tad bit older than he is, bc he likes to be taken care of

looking over the members can become really tiring and he needs some sort of solace to relax in

honestly if you’re younger too, he wouldn’t mind, he just needs to be babied LOL

likes tall people… ngl…

would like someone more in tune with their emotion and just not afraid to speak their mind? he likes confidence tbh

can see him going for a foreign person if he’s really passionate about them, would learn english/your native language

taeyong likes a person that likes their outfits and doesn’t care what you wear out as long as you feel comfortable in it

would prefer more of a calm s/o, but easy-going and fun when they want to be

YUTA

doesnt really care for age tbh. if you’re able to bring him happiness and love him he doesn’t mind whether you’re older or younger

shorter 100%. wants to hold you very much, big spoon, the one holding you in the relationship

would go for a foreign person, but honestly, would want someone he can speak japanese with too. even he has shotaro now, he wants like just a closer person to confide in and also just share lil cute inside jokes with <3

yuta just wants his s/o to be themselves. just. yes. (i mean unless your personality is shit but he doesnt want someone to put on a front with him)

although he also likes cute people… he just wants to pamper u and make u feel like you’re the only one

KUN

goddamn, six kids plus three pets? this man is hanging on by a thread, but he would like a younger and shorter s/o

what’s one more right?

also naturally has the taking care vibes like johnny, but there’s just something so… dom… about him AHASHFHEHR

would lean more toward a chinese- or korean-speaking s/o but

doesn’t mind a foreign s/o IF they make the effort. he would if he knows you would too.

kun is lowkey energetic tbh and would want someone who can read the room of whether he’s comfy enough to let loose and remain the ‘parental’ figure

cute people i think will attract him, but oh my gosh when you’re self-assured? WHEW he really likes that, how you’re uncaring of people’s opinions regarding your appearance or personality

DOYOUNG

doesn’t mind older or younger or the same age, although i seem him gravitating toward an older s/o

this man is also 100% stressed. needs to be held, there’s a balance though in your relationship of who holds who though

would stay dating a korean/korean-speaking person i feel. not saying he wouldn’t make the effort but he takes his idol life very seriously and the outcomes if he were to get together with someone who doesnt speak his native tongue

he would want someone proper, like taeil, and would prefer his s/o to be cute and stuff

doyoung needs to know what you want though, so you’ll need to be sure of your choices basically

would like it more if his s/o was calm and just collected bc like taeyong, he needs a haven to relax in when he’s done for the day or when he needs to recharge

TEN

same age or older s/o !!! wants to be taken care of, this man also has a lot of love to give, altho they’re towards selective people like his members, pets, you

would gravitate towards tall people i feel

you need to love leon and louis. period. bella is a hot second.

ten would want an s/o who supports him wholeheartedly, seeing as he has so many talents that sometimes he gets caught up in showing talent for his idol life as opposed to creating things for himself. it’s easy to get lost in the pressure of the media to put out content that he feels is half- assed.

ten knows of his worth, but sometimes he just needs a bit of confirmation and support from the right people to truly create and post what he wants to

he would date a partner who doesn’t speak korean/chinese. he has english and thai and basic japanese baby!!! but yea, he def wouldn’t mind a foreign partner AND would go search up on resources to learn your native tongue!

another person who doesn’t care about how you dress. nor how you look as long as you’re being yourself!

JAEHYUN

oh, younger definitely and a shorter s/o

definitely doesn’t mind an english speaking s/o, although he would prefer someone who can speak korean as well. with s/o’s of other languages, he wouldn’t mind learning your language, although give him some time

the language barrier will be a bit awkward a first tho, but if you know minimal english, i think that’s more than enough for jaehyun to at least steer the convo!

jaehyun is the guy to always give me first love, love from high school vibes so he’s usually the one to embrace you, but LOVES it when you’re the one to initiate contact and affection

jaehyun knows he’s good looking, but he does want an s/o who loves him for who he is, who sees all his good traits as equal to his looks. he would also like an s/o who has a live in the moment mindset, bc he spends a lot of time in his idol life, that a carefree s/o to take him away from the stress of idol life would really help

a sucker for a cute style ngl, pastels and clips in your hair and stuff.

WINWIN

wouldn’t mind someone a tad bit older, although i can see him with a younger person/same aged person too

shorter s/o!

sicheng wouldn’t care much for appearance, but he likes it when his s/o is confident, or in general confidence attracts him like the other guys in this post. that confidence would allow for him to be ‘guided’ in the relationship

would lean more towards a chinese/korean speaking person, but would try forming a r/s with someone of a different race to see how the language barrier would work

someone who is respectful of his space 100%. winwin wants someone who knows their boundaries in a context that there’s this sense of “i know when he’s feeling upset and wants to be left alone”, something like unspoken exchanges that the other just understands

sicheng also likes when his s/o is a little playful and cheeky, but not to the extent of the boys. just the right amount of outgoingness i guess haha. he would accommodate a bit of wildness, but sometimes it tires him out so you’ll need to know when to tone it down

JUNGWOO

feel like he would lean to an older s/o, but not necessarily needing to keep him in check because you’d be on the other side entertaining his antics lol

jungwoo uses up a lot of his energy tho, so sometimes he tends to go quiet and just likes to slump in your embrace

when he’s not quiet tho, he’s pretty cheeky in a sneaky kinda way and would want someone to reciprocate that.

jungwoo would also like an s/o who cheers him on a lot. he’s a bit insecure naturally, so he would want someone who doesn’t miss a beat to tell him that he’s doing good that day and would like a random compliment sometimes

would like to be held more than holding someone tbh

he wouldn’t care much for appearance, but does lean more towards cutesy appearances

LUCAS

younger and shorter s/o

would want an s/o to just calm down and rest with at times. sure he likes to have fun with his members and with his partner, but most dates with his partner has him in their arms and usually involves a calm activity

i mentioned this in chenle’s one as well, but the happiness he feels with his members is different from the one he feels with his partner, although lucas’ one is more of a blur where chenle’s a bit more distinct. does this make sense

wouldn’t ask much in an s/o, tbh. even if they’re just doing nothing, as long as lucas know he’s making you happy then he’s content with that. like when you’re smiling and loving him, then that’s all he really needs to be honest

lucas would not mind taking up an r/s with a foreign s/o, although he would have trouble with language barriers. would prefer a chinese/catonese speaking partner bc then he’s able to practise his dialect. he’d have a korean-speaking s/o too, although he sometimes stumbles over his korean a teeny bit

would love a cute style definitely!!!

MARK

same age, probably. he would feel more comfortable in terms of affection and conversation i feel!

equal amount of who holds who, but loves when his s/o initiates and cuddles him first

likes baggy clothes on you tbh, likes to match appearances and styles with you

wouldn’t mind an s/o of any race. he’s dedicated to learning your language if anything, the man likes to learn about new things

mark just wants someone fun to be around who returns his laughter and jokes, kinda like how johnny does

he’s suffered enough from johnny though (“ah, mark! the smell!”) and would probably like it if you defend him instead LOL (sometimes you poke fun tho)

he would also want his s/o to just reciprocate him in terms of laughter and happiness level. mark is always so bubbly that he wants someone to smile at him and laugh with him

XIAOJUN

would like an older s/o ngl, i feel like he would want to be guided as well

doesn’t care if you’re tall or short tbh

but would like an s/o who brings him out of his shell like the members do.

he wants to be able to laugh without trouble around his s/o and let loose. xiaojun sometimes gets annoyed, mostly feigned annoyance, so it would be nice for an s/o to fit in like the members: making fun of his angry face and rolling eyes and then having some light banter

he’s also gonna need an s/o who’s not afraid to pull him back whenever he says out of pocket things. they’re not necessarily harmful just extremely blunt at times that makes you cringe and you have to pull him back to tell him of his comments LOL

xiaojun would... not go into an r/s with a foreign partner i feel, but he will TRY if the conversation is not too awkward, save for like activities and such. like others in this post, he’ll make an effort if he’s committed to you, and only if you’re sure of dating him as well

xiaojun loves a cute style lawd!

HENDERY

same age, younger, older, tbh i don’t think hendery cares that much

he would want a shorter s/o though, i feel

wants a fun and playful s/o, someone who’s just so enjoyable to be around that he sometimes forgets himself and gets lost in the happiness you two give out

he does also want an s/o who can make him shy and basically challenge his personality, but not in a headbutt way where it’s your same two personalities against each other. it’s rather two variations of the same feeling like your playful aura against hendery’s playful aura, which would be honestly quite fun to watch and experience bc you’re just trying to one-up each other

and idk, because he’s talkative quite often, he feels like it would be nice to be the flustered, eyes-wide one for once

hendery in a foreign partner relationship... he would try, but i think he’d be a little intimidated at the languages that he has to have some time to warm up. he would commit and make the effort if he was willing to, though

oversized fits are his shit!!!! he also doesn’t mind seeing you explore with your appearance and style, esp in the goth or rebel kinda style

RENJUN

same age or younger, wouldn’t mind if you were taller since he knows his height is not THAT high

renjun loves for you to hold him though

the cheeky lad wants a laid back s/o, who doesn’t take life so seriously as well and like hendery, would like it if his s/o was a bit goofy and playful

would also want an s/o who’s deep about the universe and stuff, kinda intelligent to debate alien life and what not, he wants to be able to talk to you about anything and keep the conversation going even if you’re talking about something simple and dumb like snacks

i also can’t exactly see renjun go for a foreign s/o, mainly because of the language barrier, but i can see him trying if he’s able to get help from mark hyung and if the situation allows for you to meet frequently

renjun would definitely like a cute style on his s/o, but also would like more flashy or out-of-the-box outfits. as long as you’re comfy then he’s fine

JENO

same age. he likes to be taken care of though, would maybe be a 60/40 split of you taking care vs him taking care of you respectively

i feel like jeno would like a shorter s/o!

cute s/o, maybe matching up to the personality of jaemin since he was his longest friend from before. enthusiastic while he takes the back seat and admires you

while jaemin loses his social battery over time, jeno wouldn’t mind if you were a literal menace like haechan bc he feels that would make the r/s really fun

see him preferring a korean-speaking person. kinda like doyoung but not quite, he’s more careful than serious (?) about his idol life, and he wouldn’t want to take the risk

HAECHAN

same age or older i feel. equal split of who’s the embracer in the relationship though

wouldn’t mind a taller person, although he’d prefer if you were around the same height bc he doesn’t want to be teased by his members lol

i feel like haechan would rlly like y2k outfits on his s/o? a mix of baggy outfits as well as cute ones

his natural outgoing personality allows him to get together with a foreign person i feel, bc he’d suggest things that don’t need talking like bowling or an arcade y’know? he struggles a bit with native languages tho, bc he’s so used to speaking korean

btw please egg him on, he loves it when you do it and also do dumb things with him. he would want someone who doesn’t take life so seriously while also possessing the ability to think deeply i feel, but mostly someone who can keep smiling and strong even through hardships. kinda a happy-go-lucky personality

JAEMIN

younger, i feel. like johnny he has a lot of affection to give like he usually does to jisung…. jisung is grown up alr tho so :”(

loves giving the cuddles, big spoon, etc. he just wants you to feel loved no matter what size you are

he also would love tall people ngl! although sometimes he can’t decide between short and tall people

jaemin would appreciate an affectionate s/o who’s committed to him and also a person who’s just naturally shy i feel

they don’t necessarily need to return the energetic bursts of aegyo or stuff (he’d love it though) and also someone who just enjoys life and the small little things in general

would not mind dating a foreigner, would love to learn about your native language actually!

he likes cutesy appearances i reckon, a bit of oversized styles but overall likes the pastels

YANG YANG

same age or older, likes to be taken care of tbh

yang yang is also someone who doesn’t care if you’re short or tall, and likes you either way :)

does not mind a foreign person, plus he’s moved countries a little and could maybe find solace in the fact that his homes are sometimes not fixed, esp with how many languages he speaks as well

yang yang would want an s/o who lives up to his excitement in jokes and memes. he would feel a bit down if you happen to not understand a joke although he cant blame you, but he would want someone almost identical to him?

create chaos together and then fall asleep together

can see him liking a cute style tbh, and also reaaaaally likes to match outfits with you in your own respective styles

SHOTARO

same age, def.

i think being in nct has made him a little shy as compared to before when he was in a dance crew, so he’d need someone to encourage him while also taking care of him!!

talking to a non japanese- or korean- speaking person might scare him, so he would settle just for that. shotaro wouldn’t mind in a sense if he knows the other person is committed, but the language barrier for the first few dates would be awkward

ooohhh likes it when people are confident definitely, comfortable in their own skin. shotaro is another person i feel would really be attracted to y2k fits

like i said earlier, shotaro just needs a little push, which would help with an outgoing s/o and someone who’s not afraid to try new things. he feeds off your confidence and uses that to boost his!

CHENLE

doesn’t mind an s/o who is the same age or a tad bit older, i’m not sure if i see him with a younger s/o

doesn’t care if you’re tall or short as long as you give him his damn hugs!!!!

outgoing personality? check. he would literally befriend anyone, and wouldn’t mind a foreign s/o who doesn’t speak korean or chinese. with his limited english, he could probably make an outing fun by doing activities together and will learn your language!!

an s/o who can calm him down. chenle uses up his energy a lot and can get worn out and just wants someone to embrace at the end of the day. i wouldn’t say its similar to taeyong who’s sometimes tired from taking care of the members, but rather in a way where it’s a little playful and bubbly in your own little circle.

it’s a different kind of happy that chenle feels with you as opposed to the joy that the members bring him.

chenle also would want someone who’s sure of themselves, more so in personality rather than apperance. he likes all sizes and colours and styles, altho leans more toward the oversized sector

SUNGCHAN

sungchan is bit mischievous, so i feel like he naturally lean towards an s/o who can kinda be the “mother slash partner” of him: either the same age or younger, leaning more toward a same aged s/o

lawd this man is so tall. i think he’d want a shorter partner, sometimes a bit awkward with the affection but overall likes to give it. plus point: he likes to see you struggle wrap your body around his to get all of him in your cuddles

he wants to be able to relate to them and wouldn’t want awkwardness, so i don’t think he would go for a foreign person as of now

sungchan likes someone to have fun with him, ofc he’s aware that he can’t take away all their problems but he would want his s/o to feel relaxed and content around him with his goofy personality

sungchan likes a cutesy style, maybe, BUT i always see him being really drawn to y2k fits!!!

JISUNG

leaning more towards the same age (+/-1). i think a noona would make him shy and a younger s/o would just feel weird to him idk.

this man is also very tall, so probs a shorter s/o,,,,, would not mind if you are tall though!! he just likes to have you in his arms instead of the other way round (so you can’t see his flushed face)

not sure if he’d commit to a r/s that is foreign, but he would try with the help of mark-hyung or something. the reason why he’d take it was because the members would help me, but if not, he wouldn’t take the risk with his idol life at stake.

jisung wants someone who’s self-assured as well, strong in mettle and who has a strong character that helps him build up his drive. seeing you in your element helps him achieve more and he appreciates that you are able to provide him with a source of motivation

jisung likes cute stuff, but he does like oversized fits!

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gay-snom · 4 years ago

Text

contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

#its My post and i get to pick the subplot #i have...brainworms #wwx and lwj are foils in the public image theme change my mind #mdzs #mdzs meta #lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #stfu #meta

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flying-elliska · 3 years ago

Text

My experiences with AVPD

I have seen some general, very useful and well researched info posts about AVPD here but very few personal testimonies (...unsurprisingly so). Since any diagnosis covers a spectrum of experiences I think that can be interesting to talk about, to show there are different ways this can impact people and that not everybody is going to fit the textbook criteria to a T - really that there is no "one valid way" that these struggles should look. I have been diagnosed recently, earlier this year, but it was immediately very obvious to me how this had impacted my life deeply. (I have ADHD too so this necessarily colors all of this).

Obligatory disclaimer I am not a mental health professional, etc. Usual warnings for discussions of bad mental head spaces apply.

- Contrary to stereotypes I'm not very shy, in the right social context I can be outgoing, playful, engaging, taking the lead, making jokes, I like being in a crowd, speaking in front of people, being the center of attention, etc. However, the "right social context" is something very elusive and rare - i must be sure of my place and purpose, that everybody likes me and wants me there, know what i am expected to do, that ppl sees me how i want to be seen, i need to be in the right mood and energy...honestly i can count on my hands the number of times this has happened in my life. This is super frustrating because i feel like a whole pan of my personality is locked away from me.

- In most social situations I become very stressed out, even if this is often not visible. I become closed off or I dissociate ; a part of my mind and personality disappear/blank out ; I find it very difficult to know what to say or anything at all. I can come over as very standoffish. In some cases this is so awful I just prefer to leave. In some situations I can power through and then I play the chameleon ; I adapt to other people's behavior and expectations ; I observe and analyze the dominant social norms in a group as if it were a specific subculture and I was a sociologist trying to blend in ; sometimes I create a persona to shield behind ; i can be charming for 3 minutes but I never manage to actually share/bond with people on a deeper level ; when I succeed this makes me feel safer - but in both cases, I find it difficult to be authentic around people, I'm terrified of being judged and disapproved of, being exposed as some sort of horrible person or people using it against me ; it leaves me feeling isolated, alienated, and like I don't fit in anywhere ; like I'm always wearing some sort of mask and there is nothing underneath. This gets less bad when I am around a small number of people I know and trust, but flares up in big groups and unfamiliar situations. It makes most social interactions an exhausting amount of work.

- My inner critic is on fucking steroids ; constantly popping up in my brain with some truly heinous, horrible takes about whatever I'm doing or thinking or who i am as a person. For sheer survival I've had to learn to take it less seriously, like "haha whatever you dramatic bitch" but fucking hell, it's still there, and it's so insidious sometimes, with snap judgments i don't even realize are happening but that send me in a spiral of guilt and shame for the rest of the day. It's also very clever in its cruelty, often masquerading as concern (and yeah that's a direct gift from my mom love it). It turns my developed capacities for psychological analysis against me as a weapon. It's sad bc it's absolutely a very dysfunctional coping/protection mechanism. So nobody can tell me anything more awful than what I already tell myself. If I am my own worst enemy, I am less scared of others wanting to hurt me.

- This is very linked to my perfectionism and wanting to avoid hurt ; I have this deeply rooted unconscious belief that there is something wrong with me and that I need to change who I am as a person so i can be worthy of love/respect. I go through these cycles of having bouts of perfectionist energy where I make plans (very insane and unrealistic) to drastically overhaul my life, try for a few days, predictably fail, and give up, ending up in a swamp of powerless lethargy and feelings of uselessness that drag on for weeks where I am convinced I will always be an utter failure and trying anything is pointless ; then rinse and repeat. I've been on this hamster wheel ever since I was like, 13, which is when I remember making my first "life change program". Which is honestly really fucking sad. I have gotten a little bit more understanding and flexible with myself (my ADHD diagnosis has helped a lot with the idea that there are things that are just not humanly possible to do) but it's still hard to stop these swings from insane, morally weighed pressure to complete despondency. The added complication from ADHD is that because of problems with executive function, perfectionism is often how I try to motivate myself. This does not work very well or at all, but it's like a drug that is very difficult to let go of.

- This all has a lot of very real consequences on my life. I procrastinate enormously - this is already an ADHD problem but this makes the "emotional wall" a lot worse. I find it very hard to finish any project because that would mean exposing myself to judgment and criticism. I have literally started jobs/internships where I put an insane amount of pressure on myself to be perfect, became super nervous and therefore performing less well, had a breakdown at the first little mistake and ended up quitting because I felt too ashamed. Which is like. So fucking stupid in hindsight like the number of opportunities I have wasted in hindsight have me frothing at the mouth. So my academic/professional/financial prospects have taken a big hit from this. I am a huge nerd, I love studying and learning and understanding things for the sheer pleasure of it but - this is also why I am still not done with my masters - I regularly get panic attacks during studying where my brain starts basically eating itself up about not knowing everything and therefore being stupid (bitch what!) to the point where I can't even think anymore ; I am also terrified of expressing my own opinion outside of anonymous internet spaces or circles of trusted friends ; because what if I get it horribly wrong and get outed as stupid/awful/sloppy/lazy etc. All in all, the more important something is for me, the less likely I am to engage in it constructively without sabotaging myself, which makes making my life into something I can love very difficult.

- All of this makes it very hard to maintain any kind of relationships. I'm terrified of intimacy, of hurting people or getting hurt if I open up, of being manipulated and used, of being cruel and selfish, of being too needy, of being too cold and distant, etc. I'm bad at setting boundaries and I too often try to become exactly what I think the other person needs/wants from me, erasing my own personality or opinions in the process ; often I do this without even realizing it. I'm not that bad at making friends but I sabotage a lot of my relationships once they get past a certain level of closeness and age - a lot of my friendships have petered off around the 2 years or so mark, because at some point when I feel like my friends have seen too much of the parts of myself I am ashamed about (especially the part where I am just not getting anywhere with my life) it feels like too much, I close myself off and the thing just eventually dies off. Otherwise I just get into these very codependent, intense, fusional friendships that mirror the relationship I had with my mother, trying to be the savior and perfect confident and ending up in awful spirals or enabling dysfunctional behavior. My romantic history is just...Blegh. As a result of all the stress, negative emotions and hypervigilance (that is very linked to trauma), I often have very low energy and motivation to do the things that are important to me. I find it hard to be spontaneous, playful, affectionate ; to express my emotions at all ; I often come over as cold, remote, judgmental, even mean, when it's rarely what I intend. So like, in the end, I'm very lonely. I like to pretend I'm not because I do like my own company, I have so much to do and I'm rarely bored, but...Still.

For me AVPD is really the result of this confrontation, on one hand, between this hyperdeveloped inner critic and on the other, the avoidant/escapist coping mechanism of that 'inner wounded child' that feels perpetually powerless and persecuted. It's like a pinball, or back and forth from one state to the other, each giving rise to the next one like a perpetual motion machine. (I am learning in schema therapy that that overlaps very well with schema modes and I am actually pretty hopeful that digging into that will help me understand and evolve this dynamic into something more livable - ADHD meaning I don't think I will ever totally escape the 'boom/bust' inspiration and motivation cycles, but there should be a healthy way to go with that flow)

This all sounds really dire but it's of course not all there is to my life. I used to be much worse, but therapy already has helped me a lot with winding down the worst excesses of self hate and depression ; medication has helped me feel more emotionally stable. I know that, even if it doesn't look like it, I have a core that is pretty damn resilient and stoic (too much, maybe). I have developed a lot of compassion, self awareness, understanding of human psychology, and sense of inner humor through all of this. I do have a few very rewarding relationships in my life nowadays. I have come so far in building my sense of self independently from my family and my mother in particular, seeing through all the crap that I was raised to consider normal. I feel so much more lucid and serene these days, so much closer to being myself, and that is just everything.

And - I just fucking love life, man - it's the good side to all that sensitivity ; sometimes I look at the sunset sky or the stars or trees and I feel high on the beauty of the world. I have a lot of imagination, I love creating, learning, reading, writing - I have had to become a philosopher and a poet to survive and I don't regret it one bit. I have plenty of good days - I go for walks at sunset, I write, I study and read some interesting things, I bike around and explore new places, I meet friends for coffee, I go to the museum, I take nice pictures, I go to the thrift store, I have dinner with my housemates, I do yoga or embroidery or drawings, I bake, I pet the cat, I manage to get some work done ...I have made a religion out of living out the little things fully the last few years (stuck in a pandemic, you kind of have to) and yes my life these days feels small and slow and that is frustrating but at the same time ? I am genuinely happy sometimes. Yes, several times a day, or whenever I interact with the outer world, the bad things above flare up, but I am getting better at dealing with them. I truly am on the path of recovery and healing. These issues are a big part of my life but I cannot be reduced to them.

So, if you are dealing with these issues too (and somehow managed to read all of this lmao) I do want to say that there is hope and that no matter how horrible everything feels at times - it's never all there is. You're probably a lot stronger than you think. And - I have been to four therapy groups by now, and an almost constant is that these groups are full of overly worried sweethearts with big anxious eyes who just care too damn much and are very sensitive in a world that doesn't value that (and it's the world that is wrong about that, on the whole). Odds are you are one of them too. And yes maybe - you have ugly sides, you feel scarred and warped by trauma and loneliness and hurt and fear but - I think that is also very much at the core of human experience, you just have less control over when it shows. The exposure is painful but anyone being too nasty about it is probably afraid of their own frailty. You are so human it hurts and there is beauty and grace and knowledge in that ; even at your most pathetic, the sublime is never that far. The things that weigh you down are strengths in the making ; you just need to learn to use them properly. And you have the right not to be strong sometimes too. It will be alright.

#avpd #mental health #mental illness #recovery #avoidant personality disorder

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fandomcelery · 3 years ago

Note

I know you've been reading Buddie lately... gimme those fic recs *grabby hands*

this has been in my inbox for so so long that I keep forgetting about it, and now that you're watching 911 I guess I'll finally answer it lmao

I'm going to split them up by seasons 3 & 4 (forgive me if they're wrong, I'm probably going to be googling where they would take place because I forgot everything) and put word count, rating + summary for each fic

I put a cut because the summaries for each fic made the post very long lol. there are 2 fics under season 3 and 7 fics under season 4 (so 9 overall)

each fic and writer can be found on Ao3!

Disclaimer: Please please please read the tags for each one of these fics, a few of them are about recovery and PTSD, so if something like that triggers you then keep an eye out for those fics (I think there's only a few of them, they're more of the longer ones, I'll put a red 'Check Tags' before the summary)

Season 3

- The Space Between Sleep by Tattered_Dreams - Word Count: 111,697 - Rating: Teen and Up - Check Tags - Summary: As weeks pass after the Tsunami, Christopher has Eddie to help him deal with the scars it left behind. He also has Buck. Buck's dealing with his own demons, but he has both of them.

Eddie's trying to keep them all together and finding out his family might not be as small as he thought.

The 118 have their few cents to add, too, because don't they always.

| Canon through 3x03 | Complete | Depictions of trauma, some more detailed than others |

~~~

- the distance to the stars by cloudydaises - Word Count: 27,258 - Rating: General - Summary: “Didn’t know you were seeing someone.”

Buck just laughs. Like, honest to god giggles. Eddie is stuck fighting off doubly massive waves of butterflies and confusion, all while Buck just gazes down at him.

“That’s cute,” he hears Buck mumble, just before climbing into the truck, calling Eddie after him.

or, everyone knows eddie is dating buck except for eddie, literally.

~~~

Season 4

- ripples all the way down by iriswests - Word Count: 57,270 - Rating: Mature - Summary: With some coercion, Buck allows Maddie to set him up on a date. Surprisingly, the date goes well — and it keeps his mind off the unnamable feelings he’s been studiously ignoring for his best friend.

Until Christopher’s science report on gentoo penguins — no, seriously — sets off a series of events that has him somehow spending more time at the Diazes’ side, and he feels like he’s going just a little bit insane trying to juggle a burgeoning relationship, his jealousy over Eddie’s own new relationship with Ana, and his inability to move on from the place that’s been his for three years in the Diazes’ lives.

Oh, and Eddie keeps looking at him like he has something to say — except he never says it.

This is the tumultuous road to finding out what Buck truly wants, paved by pebbles.

or; christopher partakes in some parent trapping

~~~

- Autocowrecked by HMSLusitania - Word Count: 2,725 - Rating: Teen and Up - Summary: Eddie is never, ever using the talk-to-text function on his phone. Ever again.

~~~

- romance with me on a crowded floor by martianbarnes - Word Count: 3,508 - Rating: Teen and Up - Summary: Eddie grins and holds out his hand for Karen. “Wanna dance?” She agrees happily ang gets up from her seat with a smile. “Oh, behold the dorky dad dancing,” Buck teases Eddie with a chuckle. “Fuck off, Buckley. I dance better than you ever will,” Eddie answers with a smug smile. A bit surprised by the challenge in his friend’s voice, Buck raises an eyebrow. “Oh really? I didn’t know you’re such a professional.”

~~~

- Buy Back the Secrets by allyasavedtheday - Word Count: 18,808 - Rating: Teen and Up - Summary: He casts his gaze to the right, to the voice he’d heard a minute ago and the hand still on his shoulder.

And, well. Okay. So Buck may have just been unconscious for an indeterminable length of time but he doesn’t think he’s exaggerating when he says the guy leaning over his bedside is one of the most attractive people he’s seen in a long time. Especially when his face splits into a smile that rivals the brightness of the hospital lights that almost just fucking blinded Buck a second ago.

“Welcome back, hotshot,” the guy says and it sounds fond – familiar – and Buck honestly has no idea who this guy is.

His brown hair is dishevelled on top of his head and his eyes look tired but then Buck notices the LAFD t-shirt so- alright. Someone from the firehouse, maybe? But he’s pretty sure he’d remember a face like that.

After getting hurt on a call, Buck wakes up thinking it's 2018. AKA Buck can't remember who Eddie is but he's pretty sure everyone's lying when they say they're "just friends."

~~~

- Cat Got Your Tongue? by alexmercer - Word Count: 4,265 - Rating: Teen and Up - Summary: Buck groaned. "Is there anyone who doesn't know I'm in love with Eddie?" "Eddie," Maddie said with a nod.

~~~

- Kicks and Giggles by alexmercer - Word Count: 7,532 - Rating: Teen and Up - Summary: “The laughing gas,” Buck moaned, sounding mortified. “Please don’t tell me I did anything illegal.” Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Do you usually do illegal things on laughing gas?” “I stole a dog once,” Buck admitted. “Ah. Then it’s a good thing I told you that we couldn’t stop to pet every single dog we saw.” ~ While still under the effects of laughing gas after a trip to the dentist, Buck ends up running his mouth a bit and saying a few things he might have normally kept to himself, much to everyone's amusement and Eddie's delight.

~~~

- darker days, brighter endings by farfromthstars - Word Count: 44,507 - Rating: Teen and Up - Check Tags - Summary: “Recovery isn’t easy, or linear. Eddie lets Buck get him one of those old fashioned button-up pyjama tops because they’re easier to slip his arm into without moving his shoulder, but he doesn’t ask him for help with shaving until he cuts himself trying to do it himself and breaks down crying in the bathroom. Not because it hurts – he watches the blood trickle down from his cheekbone for a few seconds and suddenly feels completely overwhelmed, like everything is way too much.”

A fic on Eddie’s recovery after 4x14.

~~~

those are all of the fics that I have, if you want more I can definitely find more lol

anyway they're mostly angst and then fluff, but they all have a happy ending and they're all finished bc if a fic is not either of those things I cry :D

#elliry answers #fic rec #911 #911 on fox #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz

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