#not saying this is meant to be an accurate reading (it isn't really) but food for thought

[blood-starved-beast]

Ergo the impression I get from Gehrman is that he's a sad, lonely, pathetic, kinda awful old man. And this reflects on everything going on his existence (existence, not living cause Kos knows what's going on with him is not a life).

Dude cries out for people who would or could not save him cause of their own issues (Laurence turns into a beast and Wilhelm is literally rotting alive). He builds a doll of his student (but it's not right, never really meant to be accurate when you are so starved for companionship) who cared more about her own problems and then killed herself cause of them. It appears no one alive seems to really remember him in a way that actually matters.

Fitting ending I'd say, for a man who tried to a build a legacy and school system (the Hunters) that brought upon so much trauma and pain out onto Yharnam and the Great Ones. The price of hubris.

[finniestoncrane]

Virginal vault dweller reader you say?? I'd eat that up (and so would Cooper, heh) but seriously I would read the hell out of that if you're up for it <3

Different Up Here

Cooper Howard x Fem!Reader, word count: 6.3k anon thank you lmao i had already started drafting this, so vault dweller reader isn't quite a virgin but they are definitely inexperienced and have never known pleasure like the kind that cooper can offer 🤎 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: power imbalance, dubious consent because once you've said yes to cooper you can't change your mind, overstimulation, crying, oral sex, fingering, instructional, full penetration babiessss i realised i never tag that shit but yeah it's in here lmao, cumming inside, no protection, sweet coop afterwards but only briefly

If anyone else had asked you in that moment how you were, you couldn't have answered accurately without any hint of sarcasm and irritation. You were being worn down, like buildings by the sands of the desert. Each little molecule of your optimism being torn away from you, painful like plucking a hair. But when Cooper asked you, you tried your best to push down your knee jerk response.

"Let's see, shall we? Since leaving the vault a month ago, bravely in search of resources and supplies for my friends, I have killed, maimed, and eaten things I hope to never think of again. I'm in a constant cycle of very, very stressed and then very, very bored where there is no happy medium between fearing for my life and wishing for death. And oh, by the way, I'm sweating buckets the whole time because it's deathly fucking warm. Thank you for asking, Cooper!"

Instead, you shrugged and offered him at least a partial truth.

"It sounds silly... but I'm kind of bored."

A dry chuckle passed over Cooper's lips.

"Heh, that's a new one for out here."

Sensing an opportunity to at least get some conversation out of him, you sat up on the rusty bed frame, your body sinking into the almost entirely flattened mattress as you crossed your legs and did your best to get Cooper to talk more than a sentence at a time.

"Really? I would have thought you'd be bored a lot, especially when there's no raiders, or mirelurks, or scavengers, or feral ghouls, or super mutants, or roving gangs of-"

"See, this is why I'm never bored. Always somethin' or someone to be killin'."

"But what about like... now? When there's nothing else to do. There's no magazines, no books, no TV."

You watched as Cooper turned from you with a slight smile. You knew the one, the familiar grin that meant you'd divulged some information about your life in the vaults, something he always found so amusing. It was your naivety, your optimism. He was endlessly fascinated by it, as though listening to you talk about it reminded him of something he had before.

That fascinated you. It made you want to stay around him, the way he listened silently as you talked about the old films that were on the holotapes, the food that was still fresh and available, the music you could hear whenever you wanted to, not reliant on some two-bit radio host. He paid attention to you. And any time his deep, brown eyes focused on your lips it made your heart flutter in an admittedly unexpected manner.

Remembering that feeling, you tried again, hoping that your next approach might be something that interested him a little more than just conversation.

"You know how we used to pass time in the vaults?"

Over the sound of the evening breezes that whipped up the sand you could still hear Cooper sigh before he spoke.

"Now if you tell me that you wanna go out there again tonight to find an old blast radius board... well I am just going to have to shoot you."

You laughed at what you hoped was a joke and waved him off, despite the fact that he was still turned away from you, unable to see your gesture as he tried ignoring you in what you assumed was the hope that you might shut up and leave him alone.

"No, no no no no no. Just..."

The lump in your throat felt like it was about to choke you, so you swallowed the clump of nerves quietly, your voice trembling as you finished your sentence.

"... fooling around... y'know?"

Cooper turned to face you. You had piqued his interest, and you couldn't help but show the giddy glee on your face, the smallest smile crossing your lips as your eyes widened. But his words wiped away all hope that you had garnered in that short span of time.

"Oh... oh darlin'."

He laughed a little, each little sound of the short, sharp giggle like a slap to the face.

"I don't think you're ready for that at all."

You raised an eyebrow, defiant, irritated, and keen to know how he thought he had you pegged so quickly. You'd never talked about anything like that with him before. Was he assuming that you were a virgin based on how you behaved around him alone? Maybe he figured that the lack of flirting on your part was down to a complete lack of experience, when in reality, it was because every flirtatious quip he threw your way made you so nervous and flustered you felt like you might throw up.

"How come I'm not ready? I mean, I've... I've done stuff... I've done it!"

"The fat you're not saying it how it is makes me think that you are absolut-"

"I've had sex, Cooper. I've fucked before. I've been fucked."

Blinking off the irritation at being interrupted by you, Cooper pushed up the brim of his hat and stared directly at you, as though he was examining your, to see if you would stand up for yourself any further.

"By who? One of your little buddies underground? Fucking like little bunnies? I don't think that qualifies you, sweetheart."

"Why? Sex is sex..."

You said it with such confidence. As if you really knew. As if you hadn't spent your teenage years practising on your hand, holding a pillow close, lining up for that one girl in the vault who would sell practice kisses for extra bubble-gum. You'd had sex before, of course. You weren't a liar. Just because you'd only ever done it once didn't render it nonfactual. Just because it had only lasted for all of four minutes. Just because you weren't sure you even orgasmed, and your friend had told you that you'd know if you'd orgasmed. Just because it was all over so quickly, and he'd run off before anyone could catch you both, avoiding you at every opportunity after that.

"... Isn't it?"

"Oh no it ain't. Besides, like I keep telling you, it's different up here. Everything's different up here. And that includes fuckin'."

The way he said the word, consonants enunciated with such grit and vigour, filled your stomach with knots that began to tighten as you considered in what way things were so different.

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

Cooper sighed, exasperated, resigning himself to the fact that you were going to keep talking to him regardless of his short replies and attempts to end the conversation.

"You are a dog with a bone, huh? Ain't gonna let it go."

His yellowed teeth were exposed as his lips pulled back in a baring, mischievous smile. Those knots doubled, the ends being pulled by tension in your nervous system as Cooper's smirk put you into a dazed stupor.

"No, sir."

"Now, I don't remember signing on to be your personal tutor in all things apocalypse. Do I really need to show you how everything works up here?"

As your cheeks began to blush, you nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, sir."

You were hopeful for just a bit of a distraction. Something to help take the stress away. To relieve the tension that had been building up between you and Cooper as of late. You'd been studying him, watching the way he looked at you, fascinated by your perceived, and frankly obvious, innocence. The way his fingers moved, contributing to the skilful way he handled his gun and his ropes. The confidence, the charisma, the charms.

You wanted him, but you weren't quite sure how to broach the situation without it seeming desperate. But you were past that now. You were desperate For anything, just something. Something to cure the monotony of walking and hiding and fighting and surviving. You didn't want to just survive. You wanted to at least find a semblance of fun and pleasure in this nightmare you had found yourself in. And in the vaults, when board games and books and debates got boring, there was always fucking. That was what you desired most right now. The fact that Cooper happened to be the closest target for your desires was just a sweet miracle, or a cruel tease depending on how willing he was.

And luckily, he seemed agreeable.

"Well then, how about you come over here and let ol' Coop show you a little thing or two about how dirty you can really get up here in the mean, dusty Wasteland, hm?"

Your excitement was palpable, even though you were trying to keep your composure. There was no escaping the echo of the giddy squeal you let out as you jumped up from the bed and made your way over to Cooper. He waited in the far corner of the room, setting himself down on an old armchair as you stepped towards him, slapping his thighs as an indication of where he wanted you. And you did as you were told, following his instructions, knowing they hadn't led you astray so far in your time together.

It felt awkward at first, being so close to him. You shifted your weight nervously, trying to get comfortable while making sure Cooper was still at ease, which of course, he was. He always was. Nothing stirred him, he was forever at peace. Competent in any situation. Quick to adapt. And as you fidgeted and fussed, you felt his strong hands pushing you forward on his lap, until your chests were practically pressed together, his hands skirting over your lower back as he held you still. In command. In control. The sudden sensation of his hands on your body made your breath hitch, a soft, surprised squeal on the inhale that had Cooper raising his brow at you.

"Now... you agree that you asked for this, alright? Because I am not going to put my effort into entertaining your little whims if you're gonna get fussy and decide it's too much for you. I did warn you."

"Yes, you did, and I really don't think you needed to. I doubt there's too much different about it, and I've picked up what I needed to know pretty quickly from your other lessons, haven't I?"

Your retaliation to his insistence that you needed him to teach you everything, and that some things just might prove themselves a little too hard even for your levels of enthusiasm, had irritated him when he'd first met you. But now your optimism and sheer refusal to believe anything was too much for you were a source of entertainment for him. A challenge.

"That's fine then, darlin'. But I'll remember that."

His eyes bore into your soul, keeping your focus on him as he dared you to look away. They sparkled as he ran his tongue over his lips, the pretence of preparing for his next words covering the obvious flirtation in the way he dragged the flat muscle along his chapped skin.

"So, gimme a benchmark here, lil lady. How much foreplay was involved in your previous encounters? I'd hate to leave you high and dry."

"Foreplay...? What... uh, what is that?"

Cooper sighed, rolling his eyes before closing his eyelids over gently.

"Well, it's something like this."

He pushed a loose strand of hair back behind your ear, rough fingers following the curve and grazing over your neck as he let them drift down the front of your chest, tickling the exposed skin as far as your jumpsuit would allow before he took a hold of the zip at the front. A quick flit of his eyes up to you seemed to ask for permission, and your small, almost imperceptible nod, told him to keep going.

Slowly, painfully so, he pulled the zip down, watching as the centre of your torso was slowly revealed to him. Smooth skin, in comparison to his anyway, clear of any unnatural blemishes or war wounds. One calloused digit followed down your sternum to your stomach and back up, hooking under the left side of the fabric and pulling it over, then the other, exposing the top half of your body to him.

Cooper traced his fingertips over the top of your breasts, watching as your chest moved in and out, slowly, but exaggeratedly. The knots in your stomach felt like they might burst with the tension as his sharp, ragged nails crossed over your hardening nipples, a gentle tingle coursing through your veins.

"Well?"

"No... n-nothing like that... just grabbing..."

"Oh yeah? You like that? How about this?"

He closed two fingers around your nipple, one hand still on your back to keep you balanced as your body reacted to his touch. Between the two digits, you felt your nipples heating up, the slight, burning pain from the way he squeezed them sending a signal down your spine that seemed to affect every part of you. Tighter, tighter, and then as your eyes closed a little more, eyelids pressed tight, he would ease up to offer some relief.

"You like that? Like it rough?"

"I think... I think I like both."

"So, something like this?"

He teased your nipples once more, pressing harder with his fingertips, pulling them out and jiggling your breasts as he tugged at them, this lewder act interspersed with a gentle caress as he held your breast against the palm of his hand, carefully cupping it as he flicked his thumb over the sensitive and completely erect nipple.

You bit your lip, trying to keep quiet, Coop's hand moved swiftly from your body to your cheeks, popping the lip back out as he pressed his thumb and forefinger into your face. Understanding the message, and seemingly showing this in your wide-eyed gaze, he let his rough, leathery hand make its way back down to your breast, cupping it once more as he spoke.

"Different, see? Pleasure is hard to come by out here. You gotta do it right when you've got the chance."

Cooper leaned into your neck, whispering the words low and slowly, his dry, chapped lips skimming over your skin as he continued.

"I bet down there they didn't know the first thing about real pleasure. Takes time, something like that. You gotta learn the body, gotta make it feel good."

His teeth grazed over your shoulder and back up along your neck before he pulled back, watching your eyes refocus from the haze of arousal.

"Did they make you feel good?"

"No."

You were confident in that statement. It hadn't felt good. It felt rushed. Clumsy. Shameful. And as you pondered it, your mouth remained open in a slight pout which trembled as Cooper asked his next question.

"And what about your pretty lips... did they kiss them?"

"A little..."

Cooper leaned in, his rough lips pressing onto yours with firm contact, his tongue staying in place as though he imagined that might be a bit too much for you right now. But that same level of restraint didn't keep him from letting his teeth catch onto your bottom lip, pulling it out, only letting go when you winced in surprise as the suddenness of the action.

"Didn't bite them either. Of course not, what am I thinking? That would be a little too adventurous for your kind."

His face took on a darker tone as he smiled knowingly towards you.

“And what about these pretty lips?”

Before you could piece together the question, his hand was diving into your jumpsuit, pushing down the front and past the waist, stroking against the front of your underwear which, by now, was soaking wet with your arousal.

“They touch these lips, huh?”

You gasped as he pushed your underwear to the side, stroking his fingers along your slick, plump pussy lips, withdrawing them soon after to taste you on his tongue, the way you had watched him taste the blood of enemies, the blood of victims.

“Stand up, darlin’… Why don’t you take that suit off, hm? Get yourself comfy.”

As you raised yourself up from his hips, your legs wobbled under you, not quite steady enough to support you so soon after being reduced to jelly by Cooper’s touch, his caramelised words that filled your ears, the sharp twang of his accent, the delicate cadence, the power rumbling underneath like an almost silent bassline.

“Do it slowly though.”

Cooper watched carefully as you stood nervously before him, shuffling out of your suit, stripping for him, your hips moving from side to side slow and steady, unintentionally sultry in the way you moved. Without taking his eyes from you he reached for his canteen, taking a long sip from it as you let your suit fall down over your legs, stepping out of it and pushing it to the side with your feet.

“That’s it, darlin’. Can’t do this half-hearted. I need to have access to all of you there. Now come sit back down.”

You held your arms in front of you, feeling far too exposed for the shelter you’d found for the evening. No windows, no locks on the doors. But it was difficult to focus on that worry for too long as you watched Cooper’s tongue flit back out over his lips, clear strands of drool sparkling in the light as he took you in, hungrily, dreamily.

“Turn around though. You face that way.”

The metal buttons on the front of his duster coat were cold against the skin of your back, but you leaned into them anyway. Cooper’s hand curved around your neck and up under your chin, holding your face forward.

“You keep an eye out, holler if you see anything coming. I’ll do everything else.”

A faint clicking sound, the safety on his gun being flicked to off, before those same fingers draped over your mound and down on to your lips, spreading them apart, the cool air of the decrepit room cooling the heat of your hot, aching cunt. With two fingers holding your lips apart, he let the middle digit tap against your clit, each tiny sensation turning your blood cold before heating it exponentially, a cold sweat beginning to form on your brow as you felt a tingle in your abdomen.

The finger that tapped the sensitive bud began stroking it from side to side, laying flat against it length wise as Cooper strummed your body, still holding your chin in his hands, smiling to himself every time your back arched away from him in intense pleasure. Every nerve-ending was at his mercy. He was right, it was different up here. But you wondered how much of that was the Wasteland and it’s effect on sexuality and pleasure, and how much of it was just him. Cooper Howard, Wasteland bounty hunter, a past life he refused to talk about, the most charismatic monster you had ever met. His fingers, daintily crossing over your clit, as you felt his breath, silent except for an occasional hum of satisfaction in the form of a long moan. Maybe it was just Cooper who was different.

It was hard to focus on this new line of though as his hard fingertips clamped down on your clit, pinching it as he rolled it between his fingers. Even harder when he let his hand drop from your neck and instead began teasing at your nipples once more. Soft, cruel flicks over the hardened bumps, his fingers at work on your body, his lips kissing at the back of your neck. Moans growing louder, more frequent, as he let himself enjoy the act of making you squirm. You could tell he was having fun, as you rolled your hips back a little, feeling the thick bulge of his stiffening cock against your rear. You wondered how it might feel, how it might look, and what he could do differently with it.

“Cooper… Coop… I think I’m going to cum…”

His movements quickened, cock twitching against your body as he pinched tighter and pressed his fingers harder against your cunt.

“Don’t you dare, little lady.”

“Ok I’ll… I’ll try but… you have to… stop… please stop… Coop…”

He ignored your please, the whining, desperate begging as you tried to stop your body from the natural, encouraged reaction.

“Have some self-control, sweetheart.”

“Cooper, I really can’t… please… please stop touching me…”

“I absolutely will not.”

Your fingers dug into his thighs, but you noticed that you refused to move away from him. You wanted to do as he asked, wanted to hold yourself back from the brink of orgasm to prolong his touch, but you couldn’t risk him actually stopping, fearing that your body might crumble if his fingers left your quivering, pathetic body for only a second.

Each stroke against your increasingly wet and sensitive pussy had you trembling and shaking, and Cooper had to remove his hand from your breast to keep you steady, placing it under your chin and holding you steady by the neck.

“I am warning you, missy.”

“Cooper… I can’t stop…”

You shuddered and whined as your body gave in to the temptation, feeling a rush of heat and relief as you came on his lap, your arousal coating his pants, adding to the collection of stains and wear on them. But he didn’t stop then.

“No wait… seriously, Cooper… I can’t… I can’t take much more, honestly…”

“Listen, I told you. I said you better not cum. I wasn’t done with you yet.”

Your eyes began to sting with tears of exasperation as your body kept on pushing to its limits, conjuring up another wave of climax, tormenting you with never-ending bouts of arousal that kept you rutting against him, despite how painful it was to keep writhing into his body. You could feel your stomach knotting again, not much time between each orgasm to relax, and you dug your hands into his thighs, pushing your body up off of him as you tensed completely.

“Ok, this time, you do it on my command. You do it when I say you can, alright?”

“Cooper…”

“Don’t give me that pleading shit, you asked me to show you how things are done. Well this is how Cooper fuckin’ Howard does things. So are you ready? You gonna come for me?”

“C-coop… I’ll… I’ll try…”

“Good girl, now you keep that mouth making those whines and moans. I don’t need you to call out my name or anything, I know I’m all you’re thinking about.”

The praise, the self-confidence, the way his fingers seemed to be pulling your orgasm out, motioning for it to come closer to him.

“Come on, darlin’, come on…”

Your vision blurred as the climax came over you, body rolling and convulsing as you came once more at Cooper’s insistence, your cheeks stained with tears, salted water rolling through the layers of grime and clearing paths to your chin.

As you settled back down onto his lap with a shudder, you felt Cooper’s fingers stroking through your hair. He was surprisingly gentle, oddly calm, but you supposed that you deserved his kindness as you had done as he had asked, making up for your previous indiscretion. He was almost cooing, shushing you as you found your breath, establishing your sense of self once more after the overstimulating orgasm that shook your core.

“You seen enough of the big bad world for one day then?”

You probably had, but you still found yourself shaking your head, ignoring the way your body reacted with a violent twitch at the notion of Cooper’s hands delivering intense pleasure.

“A glutton for punishment, hm? Or just keen to learn?”

As you pondered your answer, Cooper seemed to have come to the conclusion for you, as he tapped your hips and began to shift underneath you.

“Alright then, get onto your knees.”

Positioning yourself at his feet, you couldn’t help but look up at him, catching his eyes as he looked down at you with that unique brand of disdain and intrigue he had somehow mastered. You knew what was coming, what was about to happen, and your mouth began watering at the thought. What he might taste like. What he might look like.

You didn’t have to imagine for long though, as you could see his fingers working the belt of his pants, loosening it, unzipping his fly, and gripping his semi-erect cock at the base as he took it out, brandishing it. He kept close attention on your own eyes, a soft sigh of relief imperceptibly escaping his chest as he noticed your pupils widen, your mouth opening in preparation for him.

It was exactly as you had expected. The texture of the shaft was similar to that of his cheeks and his forearms, a similar colouring, though darker at the base and on the shaft which was tinted red. Thick, purple tinged veins covered it, winding around the length, cutting across the ridges of the scars.

“You can come closer, darlin’. I don’t know what they told you about mutations and radiation effects down there in your little utopia, but I can assure you… it doesn’t bite.”

The fear was palpable, clearly, but it was nothing to do with Cooper’s body and everything to do with your lack of experience, which, despite you arguing otherwise, was becoming plainly obvious even to you. You had only ever touched a cock with your hands outside of being quickly fucked. Several times you’d been cajoled into quickly stroking an erection under the blankets before your partner ran off to the bathroom, clean and tidy, flushing away the sins. And you were very well aware that there was always the option to suck on one, but it had never presented itself. It had never seemed that appealing to you. Until you were faced with Cooper’s.

He hadn’t even asked you to do either yet, but you found yourself curious, salivating over the thought of him, mind racing as you imagined how he might feel against your tongue.

“Can I taste it… you?”

Cooper smiled warmly, one of the few times you had seen him look at you with genuine pride.

“Now that is using your initiative. Of course you can.”

You kept your hands to yourself as you leaned in towards his body, content to let Cooper wield his length at you, his hand firm around the base as you inched closer, tongue pressed out over your lips. A strand of drool collected and spilled forward, hitting the floor in a soft patter just before the tip of your tongue came into contact with the tip of his cock.

A lot of the movements were instinctual, following your desires more than what you thought might be protocol as you dragged your tongue up the shaft and swirled over the blushing head of his cock. It tasted bitter, but in a pleasant way.  Savoury, not sweet. Salted, a tang that stayed there for a few seconds after your tongue had moved on to another spot. A flavour you found yourself craving now.

Cooper gripped tighter and pushed forward, taking you by surprise as he slid himself into your mouth, his free hand moving to the back of your head, fingers curling into your hair. As the taste of him hit the back of your tongue, cock almost touching your throat, you coughed and spluttered a little.

“Fuck me, darlin’… do you need me to show you how to do this too?”

He looked down at you, filled with pity as he saw your face. Red cheeks, puffed out, lips stretched over the girth of his cock, tears welling up in your eyes as you struggled to breathe.

“Breath through your nose… breathe in…”

You followed his instructions, instantly calmed when you found your lungs filling with air once more. Almost immediately back to enjoying yourself, the feeling of Cooper inside of you, the control he had as he held your head against him.

“Now… you don’t want to choke too much, so keep your tongue flat… yeah, just like that…”

It was so much easier like that, and you could feel your cheeks getting warmer and redder as you realised that not only had you embarrassed yourself with your spluttering and lack of knowledge, but that Cooper had clearly done this a lot.

“And your teeth… well, usually they’ll tell you to keep ‘em outta the way, but you know me… gotta be different…”

Taking the hint, you let your jaw close slightly, the pain of the stretch lessened, your teeth scraping along the top of his shaft as your tongue worked the underneath, sucking and rolling as much as you could while keeping it flat.

He didn’t say much else, and you couldn’t tell if he was particularly enjoying himself. It worried you, the fact that he had specific preferences, the way it was so clear how much more experienced he was than you. How many others had there been? And were they all better than you? As your mind wandered to your anxieties, you completely missed the fact that you had begun to drool all over yourself until Cooper relaxed his grip on your head and wiped at your chin with his thumb. Catching your eyes and sensing some of your worries, he was surprisingly quick to soothe you.

“You can swallow or spit or let it all spill out, I don’t mind makin’ a mess darlin’. But whatever you’re doing, you keep that up.”

You were so pathetically grateful for the encouragement, for the tiniest semblance of praise, that you felt yourself moaning involuntarily. The soothing motion of sucking on his cock, the taste of something new, the comforting knowledge that he was happy with your efforts. You could feel your clit throbbing, aroused by Cooper’s satisfaction, how pleased he was with the way you worked him over.

Which is why it surprised you so much when he pulled his cock from your mouth, your lips slipping off of it with a disgustingly lewd popping sound, drool spilling onto your chin in long strands which stretched from your lips to his cock and tore apart as he distanced himself from you.

And again, that sympathetic gaze, the way he could tell what you were thinking before you even said it.

“Oh, don’t you look at me with those big, sad eyes. You got nothin’ to worry about, sweetheart. That was good, ‘specially for a first try…”

He winked to you as he spoke, causing your heart to skip enough beats that you thought you might die there and then.

“… It’s just that I’m all slicked up and ready to go now… so you wanna bend over for me? Or do you wanna come sit on my lap?”

“Uh… lap, please… I was kinda bent over for the last… first time.”

“Well, you come and take a seat then, darlin’, let ol’ Coop show you something new.”

You nervously settled your entirely nude body back down onto his thighs. Cooper’s hands were gentle against your shoulders as he pulled you backwards with him, leaning at a slight angle in the chair, his cock rigid and firm as it sat against your waiting cunt, coated in your drool which almost seemed to shimmer with the dancing light of the fire.

Then, so carefully, so gently, far more than you’d ever seen him be before, Cooper took hold of his cock at the base and slid it inside of you, one hand on your stomach as he braced you, keeping your body steady as he inserted himself further and further between your clenching walls.

“Bigger than before?”

You nodded, biting your lip as you felt the distinct stretch, his rough, textured cock forcing its way inside your cunt, pressed up to the hilt, testing your limits.

“Better?”

“Mhm…”

“Speak up, darlin’.”

With your voice strained and breathy, you managed to form some words.

“Yes… it’s better.”

“That’s it, good girl. Now, I’m gonna buck my hips, ok? You just try and keep your balance.”

Below you, Cooper shifted a little, his hips rolling backwards, inches of his cock escaping your tight, aching cunt, before he rolled them forwards and upwards, back into you. A slow, steady pace that he focused on keeping until you felt warmer, more relaxed.

“You got this, it’s like riding a horse.”

“I’ve never… hm… ridden a horse…”

Cooper chuckled, a low and rasping sound that sent shivers over your skin and seemed close enough to you that it was coming from inside of your body.

“Never ridden a ghoul before either, but you’re handling it alright for a first timer.”

You were coping ok, you had to admit, but you could feel your stomach muscles tensing, the knots back in full force as they tensed and tightened, loosened and frayed with each pump of his cock within you.

“Ah… Cooper…”

“Too much, darlin’? Does it hurt?”

There was a sense of genuine care in his tone, as though he had taken it upon himself to show you that yes, things were different up there in the Wasteland, but that didn’t always mean they were worse. Some things were good, if not a little bit difficult to take at first.

“A little…”

Cooper tilted your chin up, forcing your head to lean back completely against his shoulder. In a delicate move, one far more romantic than you imagined from him, he ran his thumb over your lips, angling his neck to look at them, his own mouth open ever so slightly, a monotonous panting as he kept his hips moving, increasing the speed and the force at which he entered you.

His eyes flicked up suddenly, looking into yours, catching your gaze and holding unblinking eye contact as he spoke.

“I know… I know… Just a little longer, though…”

He closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of his cock pushing against your body, enveloped in your hot, wet, velvety interior.

“I know it hurts… but I ain’t stopping, so don’t even ask… here…”

You watched as he brought a finger to your lips, offering it up to you.

“…you bite down on that if it gets too much, ok… but don’t hold back on those sweet sounds… I wanna hear you scream.”

With that vaguely threatening remark, he thrust up into you, banging against your body, spurring on your orgasm but unleashing a dull ache that spread through every sensitive part of you.

“Won’t… be long… keep it together… good girl…  good girl…”

It felt good, the pain, the sting, the ache, the shivers. The fact that he was using you, finding pleasure in you. All of it culminating in Cooper’s nearing orgasm which you could sense was closing in on him. His movements were becoming more frantic, sloppier, and he was mouthing all manner of sweet nothings as he let his façade slip away.

And those soft mumbles opened up into a wide roar as he clung to your body, the hand on your neck cutting off the air to your lungs only briefly, one hand on your lap pressing sharp indents into your skin as he forced himself into you. The last few moments of his fevered thrusting, fucking you wildly, drool pooling in the corner of his mouth as he rutted into you in a dazed stupor before his body gave in. His cock throbbed, each pulse sending another rope of cum against your insides, filling you with his seed as he shuddered finally, slinking backwards into the chair and taking in a deep breath as you removed yourself from him.

You’d only managed to take a few steps forward before Cooper addressed you, opening his eyes to watch you standing there awkwardly, his cum dripping down your thighs, a warmth that quickly turned cool in the air of the room.

“Did I say you could get up?”

Panic settled in your chest, aware that you had waited until you felt his muscles relax, his body retreating from you, before you slid off his cock, expecting him to push you away anyway, like your first time. You assumed he was finished, and you weren’t sure you were ready for the idea that he might not be done with you.

“Are we… oh, Cooper, I really can’t take anymore.”

Even as you stood, you could feel your legs shaking, weakened by the intense orgasms, the way they tightened against his every movement.

“That’s different up here too then, I suppose.”

Cooper stood up from the chair, pacing towards you with a purposeful stride as he pushed his cock back into his pants, zipping them up as he reached you. You inhaled sharply as he placed his hand at the back of your head, those knots in your stomach beginning to form again, worried that a further, albeit pleasurable punishment was on the cards. But you were surprised as he slid his free hand around your back, tugging at your waist as he pulled you in close to him. A quick smile before his lips were on yours, the brim of his hat pushed upwards as he leaned into the kiss. Warm, gentle, the kind of kiss you’d seen in movies. Practised and confident, meaningful, sincere.

When he pulled back, your body following him a little before you settled back onto your feet, he smiled warmly.

“Sweet with the sour, darlin’. You gotta keep ‘em wanting more.”

“M-more?”

More as in now? Or more as in the idea that Cooper had enjoyed himself and would be willing to offer that kind of pleasure to you again. And he answered with a wink.

“Definitely. There’s a still a lot you’ve got to learn.”

[tonydaddingham]

Hi! I'm kinda here to ask for clarification on something you said; hope you won't mind^. You say that Crowley's dark grey comment is one of the more honest and introspective things he says: that kinda comes across to me like you saying that Crowley's saying he's mostly bad with a capacity for good* and that's a fair assessment of him. I would have said it's more that he's mostly good with a capacity for bad**, baggages worth of issues and a bunch of flaws, primarily related to arrogance***, but that's technically beside the point: I also felt like that was the direction your character analysis of him was going. I'm now wondering whether I misunderstood the dark grey comment or misunderstood the analyses... what does your exactly mean, exactly?

*Concepts decapitalised because I'm talking about more human than Heavenly or Hellish standards of good and bad.

**Concepts decapitalised: see above.

***Blinkered was the word you used, I believe? It's a lovely expression.

^This isn't meant accusatory and I did my best not to sound like it, but I know you've had to field a few asks about yes, you do like Crowley very much, your criticism of him doesn't mean that's not the case, and I can only imagine how annoying that must be: feel free to can this if it comes across that way.

oh anon sweetheart 💕 don't worry about the tone or wording - your tone is perfectly polite and courteous, and i thank you for that!!! others have not been as conscientious 💀 though, be careful what you wish for in asking this, because it's gonna be lengthy 🫠

how you interpreted it is exactly as i meant it; i do think, when taking crowley's characterisation in the show (his book characterisation, for me, is rather different), crowley for me is a darker character with the capacity for light, rather than the other way around. and im going to specifically use darker and lighter, as opposed to bad and good respectively, because upon reflection, maybe that's more accurate.

yeah, to me, he is a dark character; if you've read any of my other asks/metas, please forgive me for repeating stuff, but imo the narrative tells us that he is more commonly swimming in darker tendencies than light. feel free to skip the next part and scroll to here*, because i will be recounting specific scenarios off the top of my head (going in chronological order):

not really explored fully in the pre-fall scene, because it runs throughout the show as a prominent theme; crowley is either unaware of why he fell (possibly true), or blatantly lies to himself and others about why he fell (equally plausible). his story about it changes, or at best is simply told in fragments... but his overall demeanour of when (e.g.) he's confronted with news of the apocalypse ("why me?"), when coupled with this, suggests a tendency towards blame avoidance, with a hearty dose of chip-on-your-shoulder complex

tempts aziraphale into eating in job; it doesn't really matter whether or not aziraphale ends up liking food and wine or not - he rejects the wine, and crowley immediately changes tack to offer food instead, citing that he can't get drunk on it, and of course he's not tempting him (absolutely is) so it's fine. aziraphale may have been curious about it, and this may be what crowley picks up on, but compare this scene to where aziraphale offers muriel a cupperty, and doesn't push when they refuse drinking it... hmm. (perceived feeder kink or not, crowley's face at the end of this scene screams satisfaction at his corruption)

this one is a little iffy, granted, but adding it anyway - blatantly dismisses aziraphale's concerns about the arrangement (heaven would be rather angry, but nowhere near how hell would retaliate - "they'll destroy you!), and pushes anyway. it's again another case of pushing for what he wants (and yes, true, what aziraphale secretly wants - which crowley detects and capitalises on), dismissing aziraphale's worries that, as we can surmise later on, were not unfounded

lets the french guard be taken off to his death. this is debatable, depending on whether you consider the guard to be a good or bad person in the context of the reign of terror, and deserving of execution as a result, but they could have easily escaped the cell unscathed without unfreezing the guard - ultimately, who are they (yep, including aziraphale here too, he's equally as culpable) to decide if he should die?

in the same vein, sends two watchmen falling to their deaths down a deep pit, and his only remark is, "might have slightly overdone it on the hole..."

(this one is tricky, but it rubbed me up the wrong way on first watch and thereafter so im including it) when morag dies, crowley's handling of the situation only really serves - imo - to rub it in aziraphale's face, when he already feels guilty enough for the both of them. i realise that he had to labour the point to aziraphale, and was just being honest - fair, he has a point! - but it came across as simply unkind and uncharitable... again, towards someone we are assuming he cares deeply about...

this one is in fact going to lean on some interpretation, but i think it's one that is so widely implied in canon that i think it might as well be; something happened to crowley between 1827 and 1862, and within that time, i don't think he was on best terms with aziraphale, given aziraphale's coldness when he arrives in st james' park. so, we could - could - surmise that he just suddenly asks for holy water from aziraphale, something that would be dangerous for them both and seems to exploit their friendship. he doesn't adequately explain why he needs it ("just insurance" is not sufficient at all imo), and taking offence to aziraphale's use of 'fraternising ' then contextually feels a little hypocritical

lies to aziraphale about having experience with a gun, banking on using a miracle if need be - which ultimately puts aziraphale's 'life' on the line, rather than being honest. he may well just want to make aziraphale happy, sure, but aziraphale goes into the bullet catch without all the facts - his face when crowley admits he's never shit (edit: meant to say shot, obviously, but leaving it in for @fabledshadow💕) a gun before says it all, really

when aziraphale saves his life with the photo trick, he doesn't thank him, or acknowledge any kind of gratitude at all, that it saved him from a rather bleak fate at the hands of hell. he may well be insulting aziraphale's skills to dissuade him from a repeat occurrence of the bullet catch (fair!), but he is also insulting the very thing that got him out of danger... and the very thing that aziraphale obviously takes a lot of joy, pleasure, and pride in (and, yk, what crowley was actively encouraging just a few hours previous). it was justified, to a certain extent, but it was... unkind

(the Big One - so let's get it over with) tries to tempt aziraphale into killing a child - antichrist or not - and continues to persuade him into it despite aziraphale evidently being uncomfortable with the prospect. it also indicates how little he knows aziraphale in this respect; regardless of whether it would be the antichrist or not, this is the angel who tried to preserve humanity by offering a sword to pregnant eve, and was ultimately crucial in protecting job's children. even in mesopotamia, you can see how subtley appalled he is with killing children - despite him trying to rationalise it by saying it's the great plan etc. killing a child, id wager, would destroy aziraphale. i digress, but if crowley loves aziraphale as much as he (and the fandom) likes to think by s1, it's rather dark that he would try manipulating aziraphale into doing this in the first place, and return to the suggestion again not once (bandstand) but twice (airfield)

sets up an elaborate trick just to make a point to aziraphale on the use of guns, and then lets innocent humans get arrested on what i would say would be very serious charges in s1 (i mean, let alone firearms offences, arguably it could be charged as attempt murder 💀)

hits anathema and acts in such a way that he probably understands that he equally hit her and she hit him, yet is more preoccupied with fixing the bentley, something he could miracle repaired later on... as opposed to helping her back to her feet and ensuring she was alright. he also is prepared, after all this, to reject offering her a lift, excusing that there's nowhere to put her bike

backhands "clever" with "stupid", because aziraphale is doing something (trying to reach god directly as a last resort) he doesn't think is worthwhile. aziraphale finds out that that is true, but once again, im gonna ring the 'unkind' bell

doesn't tell aziraphale about what went down with gabriel, or how closely hell is keeping an eye on him, or the threat of the BOL, or that he's living in his car, or what happened in heaven/the issue of the second coming. there are loads of other little things too, but he lies by omission, whilst maintaining that he doesn't lie to aziraphale, and routinely keeps information from aziraphale - not only information that would be beneficial to share in the general sense, but information that directly impacts aziraphale, and comprises both of their safeties. has a tendency towards a hero complex that ends up either going wrong/unfulfilled ("i won't leave you on your own" then immediately buggers off to heaven) or attempts to remove aziraphale's agency and dismisses him outright ("i have a suggestion-" "ive got this.")

abandons aziraphale when he is set in doing something that is not only in his very nature to do, but when he does it because he doesn't have all the facts (hides jim). despite his assertion that aziraphale shouldnt do it because jim poses a threat, he then leaves aziraphale to face it alone. it's unknown how soon crowley would have come back to the bookshop if it weren't for the BOL threat - we literally do not know this - and he reluctantly does the apology dance (arguably when he wholeheartedly believes he was in the right) in order to be allowed near aziraphale again. it's also implied that aziraphale always does the dance, whereas crowley doesn't - which suggests to me once again the whole thing about crowley avoiding blame

pushes jim into remembering stuff despite it obviously causing him pain and discomfort - on one hand, sure, he's not certain that gabriel isn't lurking about in there, but he does it again in ep5 when, as far as he's assessed with the whole jump-out-the-window thing (a whole other thing that need addressing), jim is in fact... just jim

plays around with maggie and nina (the both of them do, and they're both at huge fault for this, it's insane) like they're toys, without any regard for their personal thoughts or feelings, as if they have the right to do this

encourages jim to jump out a window!!! okay fine, yes, he fears that gabriel is lurking in there and is doing it as a test, but even he looks somewhat alarmed when jim is clambering over the windowsill - and objectively it's an atrocious thing to do. and ultimately it doesnt exactly prove anything more than what he already knows; if gabriel was chilling in there, and was so committed to the bit to drink hot chocolate, call crowley his friend with a straight face, speak to crowley as such as friend, and generally act the way he does... if gabriel is that good an actor? well, i can't imagine jumping a window would be beneath gabriel to do, to maintain his cover. so to me, crowley realised that what he's asked has crossed a line

and, im sorry, but - kisses aziraphale. now is probably the worst climate imaginable (ie. the "do that again" era) to be discussing my take on the kiss, but my read has largely always been that it was a temptation, and a cruel one at that. it was desperate, and heartbreaking, and i understand why crowley did it - but it was imo a largely cruel and selfish manipulation for aziraphale to betray himself, and stay with him. i love the kiss for what it is and represents, but as a result i just... yeah, im not a "do that again" girlie, because i think aziraphale absolutely recognised the kiss for what it 'was'.

anon, if you have made it this far... im so sorry. it's been helpful to summarise all of it though, so thank you for giving me an opportunity to do so!!✨

*now. the thing is, the vast majority of these incidents, these actions and behaviours (and probably loads besides that ive missed) are not evil. they are not even necessarily bad, not in the classic sense. a lot of them have well-founded explanations, sometimes outright justifications, and it's totally understandable why crowley makes them (even just narratively ie. even without speculating or inferring in any kind of trauma he may have suffered behind the scenes if the story as it currently stands).

id argue, personally, that each one of these is dark in their own way - dark, in the sense that they are morally ambiguous at best, immoral at worst. they might not be bad on their own merit, but arguably it is possible to see them as wrong.

we can absolutely look at crowley and think he is good - and i agree!... to a certain extent. even if you oust a good few of the above examples, there are a few that, imo, if ignored or excused, kind of strays into blatant mollycoddling of the character. crowley absolutely has the capacity for good and right - his objection to the flood, saving job's children, stopping the apocalypse, helping aziraphale many a time, are all prime examples (even if you could argue against each of these which... well, this ask is long enough so another time, maybe) - and i think will ultimately be guided by what he considers to be the right thing to do.

but when i say that his assessment of being "very dark grey", the above is why i think this is him being either extremely honest, or accidentally incredibly insightful about himself. it's not necessarily a dislikeable thing to be - crowley being more dark than light - but given the evidence as i see it, he's aware that he's not a wholly good person, more one that leans towards the objectively immoral than otherwise, giving more weight to when he does do good. and the thing is, he regularly asserts this - being 'bad' - to aziraphale.

in doing so - constantly saying he's not nice, rejecting thanks etc - maybe, actually, it's not as humble or self-effacing as aziraphale, or the fandom, likes to think it is. why shouldn't we consider that crowley might, actually, be a bit of an anti-hero? it doesn't make him any less of an empathetic, likeable, or compelling character - it just simply acknowledges that he may not be as irreproachable or scrupulous character as we might like to think he is!✨

[rosie-rosem]

let me in?

❥ pairing: nonidol!coldclassmate!jungwon x bubbly!fem!reader

❥ genre: angst, fluff, highschool!au, unrequited love > requited love

❥ summary: jungwon... the cold-hearted boy at your school who doesn't care about anyone and is just pure cold. no one has been able to make him soft hearted that is, until you, (maybe) a transfer student. will you manage to steal his cold heart?

❥ warnings: mention of food, mention of being ignored, grammar mistakes, not proofread!!!, let me know if I forgot something!

---------------------------

WC: 2k

A/N: hi! sorry for getting this out like way later than I thought I would! :( I meant to finish it up earlier in the week, but I kept getting caught up with things. sorry bout that! anyways, I really hope you enjoy this won fic, although his character isn't very accurate, I still hope you enjoy! <3

"Hi Jungwon!" You walk up to him. He turned to look at you coldly "what do you want?" He replied. "Why so cold" You scolded teasingly. "I just wanted to say Hi." You smiled.

"Well don't. You annoy me" He pushed you away with his cold and indifferent attitude. "Tch, fine then. I’ll be back though!" You gave another smile. He turned back to his phone ignoring you as though you didn't even exist.

You sighed. "Just wait Jungwon, I’m determined to persue you!" You whispered to yourself and smiled in confidence.

Eventually, it was Lunch time "Hey Jungwon!" You say, sitting at his table. He gives no response, his earbuds were in, blocking any sort of noise from his surroundings. He was reading something on his phone and seemed too busy to notice you in the slightest.

You tap the table in front of him to get his attention. "whatchya doing?" You ask. He sighed and took out his earbuds. "What?" He had the most bored and annoyed tone in his voice. "What are you doing?" You repeated, tilting your head with a smile*

"Reading?" He responded sarcastically. "Do you have nothing to do? You annoy me, go away." He put his earbuds back in trying to read in peace.

"This might be harder than i thought." You said to yourself, sighing.

The boy looked up from his phone again, clearly getting more annoyed by the minute just by seeing you. "You're really testing my patience here. Why don't you just shut up and leave me alone?" He spoke.

"Hey, that’s not very nice!" You said teasingly, still trying to keep up a good mood. "I don't care whether it's nice or not, I just want to be left alone, is that too much to ask?" He snapped back in a tone which showed that he was losing more patience.

You sighed before giving a little sad smile. "Okay…see you around Jungwon!" You waved as you left. "No, please don't see me again." He said before putting his earbuds back in and started reading again, not paying any attention to you whatsoever.

"Tch." You bit your lip at his response. "What do I do…" You sighed once more before leaving him alone after realizing you were really bothering his reading.

Eventually class and the period ended, your classmates began to leave the classroom and Jungwon stood up, putting his books and phone away in his backpack.

You walked up to Jungwon. "that was an interesting lesson wasn’t it?" You spoke out. He Jumped back slightly, startled by your sudden presence. He sighed and rolled his eyes giving you a look of wondering what you wanted. "Yeah it was great..." He said, being sarcastic. He clearly just wanted to be left alone.

You laughed at his sarcasm. "I can't believe you think I'm funny" He said in an annoyed tone still, you got under his skin with that laugh. "oh, we’ll yeah…" You replied.

"Whatever" He started walking to his next class, putting in his earbuds once again. He wasn't interested in talking to anyone and certainly didn't want anyone to talk to him, so he did what came easily to him, he pushed everyone away and tried to ignore their existence. You sighed, slightly frowning.

Later that day, at home, you were laying on your bed and were talking to your older sister. "Eonni, what do I do, the boy I like seems to want no interest in me what’s so ever, but I really like him…" You pouted at the reoccurring thought.

Your sister thinks to herself for a moment. "You've got to give him a dose of his own medicine, fight him with his own tactics." She speaks. "What do you mean by that? You ask, sitting up.

"Well, you know how cold and apathetic he is? You need to be cold towards him, try ignoring him and pushing him away." She explains, hoping to help you. You bit your lip before smiling. yeah, okay! I’ll try that. thanks, Eonni!" you say, "Good luck" she said, smiling back at you..

The next day at school.

Jungwon was walking down the hallways when he felt someone push past him, turning to look at who it was, he could see that it was you and you were now standing there staring right at him. "What? you. you're walking in my way." You said coldly to him.

"What do you want? Can't you just leave me alone?" He grumbled, annoyed at your sudden appearance once again. You just rolled my eyes before continuing to walk past him.

Jungwon rolled his eyes, you had finally got the point, he had thought you were never going to shut up and leave him alone but finally, it had happened. He breathed a sigh of relief and kept on walking, going to his next class.

You sighed. "Is it working?" You thought.

He seemed less irritated, and he was leaving you alone like you asked, so it must have been. But was this tactic the right move to take?

Jungwon continued on with his day. Walking through the halls, going to his classes, not even acknowledging anyone's existence. He was minding his own business, and no one should bother him as far as he was concerned.

You were eating your lunch peacefully, alone.

He came into the cafeteria, looking for a place to sit by himself so he can eat in peace. He walked around a bit, looking for any empty table. Unfortunately, all the tables in the cafeteria are filled, which means he has to sit next to a stranger. He sighed with a bit of annoyances, and then he saw it, you were sitting alone at a table, he decides that sitting near your is the best option he has.

Suddenly Jungwon sat across from you, and you felt shocked but kept your cool in front of him. You just looked at him quickly before continuing eating your food. He stared at you with his cold, piercing gaze and then started eating his own food.

"What?" He asked, annoyed. It was clear that he didn't like that he had to sit across fromyou, but it wasn't like he had any other choice.

You ignored his question and just kept eating, not looking at him again. He was very annoyed and wanted to say something, he just knew he shouldn't.

He finished his food quickly and put his dishes in the basket that was on top of the table. He put his trash in the bin and then started walking out of the cafeteria. Not even acknowledging your existence once, ignoring anything and everything about you, but he was still a little bit irritated by the he had to sit across from you.

You pouted. "Nothing's working" you said to yourself.

The next day

Jungwon was sitting at his desk in his homeroom class, not paying attention to the teacher or his classmates. Just looking at his phone and thinking about nothing in particular.

You sat by the window, letting the cool breeze blow on your face. but you soon got quite sleepy and began dozing off.

He soon noticed you out of the corner of his eye, your head resting against the glass of the window seat. You seemed to be asleep. He just let out a small sigh. "How annoying..." He muttered under his breath, annoyed that someone was once again bothering him.

You slept peacefully, until you felt a presence near...

"Y/N!" The teacher yelled your name, causing you to wake up but also causing your fellows classmates heads to turn towards you.

Jungwon watched this, his expression blank and emotionless as usual but he was definitely annoyed. He rolled his eyes at the annoyance.

Meanwhile, everyone started talking amongst themselves and laughing. He turned his music up slightly, trying to drown out the noise around him.

"Will you please pay attention? this isn’t time for you to nap!" The teacher scolded. You bowed in apologies.

Jungwon shook his head and sighed. He continued to listen to music as the teacher lectured the rest of the class on how they need to focus.

You tapped Jungwons shoulder. "What are you listening to?" You whispered while smiling to him. He jumped slightly, startled by the sudden touch on his shoulder, he took out his ear buds from his ears and looked you. "How can anyone be so loud?" He mumbled in annoyance, putting his ear buds back in and turning away from you.

You sighed. "my bad…" You pouted as you turned my attention back to the teacher.

You could tell by his cold expression that he was annoyed at you. It really isn't good to bother someone who just wants to be left alone. He was fed up with people constantly bothering him. He wanted to be left alone and the only person who bothered him today was you, and now he's very close to having the urge to push you away. But he didn't because he doesn't want to be that rude.

He sat back, still not looking at you, and continued to ignore your existence as he listened to his music. You also decided to ignore him the rest of the day, not wanting to deal with his cold attitude*

A week later, you gave him a bit of time to cool off. So, you finally decided it was time to confess your feelings to him.

He was walking to his next class, heading down the hallway when he heard a voice behind him call out to him. He rolled his eyes and turned around, only to see you. You seemed nervous but also excited, he could tell that something important was coming up.

"What, now?" He said, he was annoyed but not showing any emotions. He was fed up, he just wanted to be left alone, why was it so hard for you to get that?

"I just wanted to tell you something..." You looked up at him with a soft, shy smile. "Oh really?" He said in a slightly mocking tone, clearly not very interested in your conversation but he still raised an eyebrow but looked down at you, waiting to hear what this "something" was.

You bit your lip in nervousness. "I like you…" You confessed.

Jungwon stared at you for a moment, his expression confused. He seemed to be processing your confession, his cold exterior making it difficult to gauge his true feelings. Finally, he let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "You like me?" he repeated, his voice devoid of any emotion. "Why?"

You took a deep breath, gathering your courage. "I don't know. There's just something about you that intrigues me. I see past your cold exterior, Jungwon. I believe there's more to you than what meets the eye." you explained.

His gaze softened slightly, though he tried to hide it. "You think you can change me or something?" He asked with a bit of a harsh yet confused tone.

You shook your head. "No, that's not what I mean. I just want to understand you, to be there for you if you'll let me. I want to know the real you." You say

Jungwon's eyes flickered with a mixture of curiosity and skepticism. He remained silent for a while, contemplating your words. Finally, he spoke, his voice quieter this time. "You're persistent, I'll give you that. But I'm not an easy person to be around. I've been hurt before, and I've built these walls to protect myself." He says.

"I understand," you replied softly. "But everyone deserves a chance at happiness, Jungwon. Including you." You gave a smile.

He looked at you, his guarded expression slowly softening. "You don't give up, do you?" He asked. You smiled warmly. "Not when it comes to something or someone I truly believe in." You let out a soft giggle in responce.

Jungwon let out a small chuckle, a genuine glimmer of amusement crossing his face. "You're something else, L/n Y/n." He says.

You took a step closer, closing the distance between you. "So, will you give me a chance, Jungwon? Will you let me in?" You ask. He stared into your eyes, the coldness replaced by a hint of vulnerability. After a moment of silence, he nodded slowly. "Fine. I'll give you a chance. But don't expect it to be easy."

You nodded back, determination shining in your eyes. "I wouldn't want it any other way." You gave a bright smile.

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Well, Thats it. I really hope you enjoyed! Also, thanks for the love on my other posts! <333

© rosie-rosem

[presidentdisastraofgallifrey]

The Doctor's journaling styles as I have established them so far:

One: generally grumbles about everything so you have to read between the lines for both his feelings and actual events, but will randomly and unexpectedly include very amusing jokes and anecdotes

Three: starts complaining about being stuck on Earth with imbeciles and gets distracted talking about his latest experiment or something fun he did with his current companion

Four: so much editorializing. The most unreliable narrator. I think he actually writes down the feelings he doesn't share aloud, though. Also has a habit of realizing what someone/something meant days later but only writing this down

Nine: writes about his adventures while leaving himself out of them as much as possible

Ten: writes TOO MUCH about his feelings, the emo bastard (affectionate). Like, two paragraphs describing his adventures and then ten about how sad it made him

Eleven: starts off writing about his adventures and companions in an excitable tone, only to get distracted and make a list ranking planets by the view of their moon, write himself an out of context reminder that makes no sense, doodle some bow ties, and then circles back around to the end of the adventure without writing down the second half of the middle

Twelve: grumbles and complains mostly, sometimes writes about the newest hobby he picked up ("ironically"), tends to mention adventures long after they happen except the particularly traumatic ones, which he will rave against the universe about. Missy got hold of it for a few decades and wrote entries basically roleplaying as him

Thirteen: so! many!! exclamation!!! points!!!! Writes in accurate detail about her adventures (still infrequently), in ways that look emotional because of the enthusiasm, but really she never says much about her own feelings

Fourteen: has a routine of writing every night and though he doesn't keep to it perfectly, manages to write much more frequently than the others. Writes with wonder and awe at the most random human things he's been trying out because he has the time now, and sometimes amusement or sometimes annoyance or even boredom when he notices some Earth-shattering thing happening that isn't his problem now. While in therapy was made to practice writing out his emotions not connected to something that just happened, and then letting them go. As time goes on, he practices sharing them more out loud instead of in the diary.

Fifteen: keeps the habit of writing more frequently (at first, while Ruby is around, anyway, and slowly gets more and more distracted from it) and in almost painstaking detail about his adventures and reactions to them, though his reactions tend to be focused on...not the main thing. Like he almost died but prefers to write about how great the food was or something. He still includes the fact that he almost died, but spends much longer talking about the food

[dimonds456]

The Hunger Games: a fictitious prophetic reflection of current reality

Just got done watching Mockingjay: Part 2, and... holy shit.

Watching it with the context of what's happening in Palestine is so difficult. There's one scene in particular where bombs are dropped on Capitol civilians, but it was disguised as aid. And the whole time I was sitting there like, "this is what the flour massacre was like. This is what it's like every time Palestinians have to swim out to sea to get food, knowing that if the water doesn't kill them, the snipers will."

In Part 1, as well, the Capitol specifically targets and bombs a hospital, killing all the survivors inside. I need not explain the parallels of this one to anyone who has even been slightly paying attention. It's horrific, but horribly accurate to reality.

It's the main reason I decided to rewatch the Hunger Games in the first place, cuz I kept thinking about that scene. Now that we got there, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to rewatch that scene again without thinking about Palestine.

There is a dark, poetic irony to the movie adaptations. Jennifer Lawrence, the girl who plays Katniss, is a Zionist, while Donald Sutherland, the guy who played President Snow, was an activist who was very pro-Palestine. The whole reason he took the role was to help inspire young people to stand up to authority. He's dead now, but I know he'd be disappointed in the world today. He'd be vocally cheering Palestine on.

Sutherland understood the Games and their real life symbolic meaning instinctively. So did the filmmakers. Watching this made me start to really wonder about Jlaw. How can you play Katniss and portray her so perfectly, and not get the fucking message of the film? How can you act in a scene where a bunch of children get killed, reaching their arms up for aid, only to get blown up in a trap, and not understand that doing that is pure evil? It's baffling.

But aside from that. I'm in tears. This movie is not an easy watch anymore. There is deeper symbolism here present only in retrospect that makes it near impossible to just turn your brain off and enjoy it. That's what I came back to understand; how war and oppression function on a personal level. That's the power of movies. They can place you directly in the middle of a war and show you exactly the cost. And the Hunger Games does that perfectly.

With all the pictures and videos coming out of both Palestine and Israel, with Netanyahu treating it like one big "self defense" act to win people over, to "punish" Hamas... The parallels to the Games are too strong. Too real. Especially considering the original novels were meant to be a commentary on our collective desensitization to violence.

Don't be desensitized. Stand for what's right. That's literally the message of these films, and it rings true now more than ever.

If you find yourself becoming desensitized to the horrific images coming out of Palestine, I honestly recommend watching Mockingjay Part 2 again (or the whole series if you haven't seen it). By being on a personal, intimate level, it helps destroy that and reconnects you to reality. That's the power of fiction.

To any Zionist reading this: you are saying that they were right to drop those bombs on those Capitol kids. Because that literally happened. The Flour Massacre happened, SEVERAL times. Children are dying due to dismemberment, disease, hunger, and explosions. Adults struggle to keep themselves and their kids alive. Except it's not fiction. It's real.

It is our duty to stand up for what's right, to defy authority, and to fight for freedom until everyone is free. That's why President Coin also had to die. She was symbolic of a new era of oppression. And that isn't right. It never was, and it never will be.

Free Palestine.

[kheprriverse]

pspspspspsps

the language of Termina that you showed in a wip with Terminus and Time interacting...is that from anywhere in particular, or did you create it? I'm very curious for details! 👀✨

[I hit a button on accident (twice) when nearly done with this and it reverted and deleted basically everything (twice) so please excuse any sorta messy un-hinged-ness to my writing here. Plz take Ctrl+Z away from me I'm begging you]

but AAAA!! ty for the ask as well as the kind words and general interest in the reblogs! And you wanted me to infodump so... uh below the cut will have my brain garbage flung out until I decide to stop typing. Enjoy!

For now what's in the post is a complete mix of things.

I was delving into some fan-created Hylian languages, but mostly used the font from here (which its all a very interesting read even if its incredibly old) for now as a placeholder. Because I DO plan to delve deeper into Terminian sometime in the future, along with some cultural stuff.

As for what it says, its totally scrambled nonsense LMAO. English translated poorly into japanese, written backwards, then scrambled a little, then flipped XD

I was going to be somewhat simple with the post and just using OOT/MM's script and maybe jumbling it, but in going through fan-made languages I sorta fell in love with the font that I ended up using. It IS a placeholder though and not meant to be insanely accurate to anything let alone easily deciphered.

Buuut in case you wanted to know what's actually being said I have it written out already!

Terminus taking the time to shit on Legend for no other reason then that he just can. Much to Time's displeasure.

I decided to scrap the short comic. But I liked the idea of Time and Terminus both being able to converse with one another privately (without the rather invasive mental connection they have with each other).

I like the idea that the hylian languages across the eras are so similar, enough to where the boys can MOSTLY understand one another in speech (but maybe not in writing). Then as they travel over time, things become easier and easier.

But Terminian?? Not a single one of them knows it or has even HEARD of Termina until FD came along and Time had to spill the beans. They probably didn't even know a separate, completely different, language like this even existed. Much like Mudoran in lttp.

Things I wanna focus on/keep in mind when working on this:

What was the cultural impact FD (dubbed Terminus by the boys) had on Termina? (What came first: the chicken or the egg? Also what is his role here?)

How does termina's culture compare to Hyrule? (holidays, food, beliefs, history, etc)

What does the language look like? Do I want it to be Syllabary? Abugida? Alphabetic? I'm personally leaning towards Syllabary but other forms of writing have interesting potential. Whereas Alphabetic (like some of the other hylian scripts) would be easier to work with.

What does it sound like? I feel like this would be where Terminian and Hylian experiences a sort of disconnect (especially if we go with an alphabet system). I've thought of a very stilted(?) almost reversed way of sound -- like smth isn't entirely right and just feels strange. But to residents of Termina it's completely normal and very easy to speak.

Termina is a very strange place and I really wanna play into it. I'm also very happy that you showed interest in this because it allows me to say stuff I normally would've just kept to myself.

Also I plan to delve into a Twilit language, culture, and just generally the whole world, too. Because yeah ofc we're going there. I am simply coping.

[fictionalmenaremytype]

Percy Jackson Episode 6 Spoiler!!!!

Percy Jackson episode 6 highlights:

- In Percys' dream, the way Kronos has embodied Percy's old headmaster has so much messaging behind it! It shows that he does not necessarily has more power than Percy, but due to fear of wronging him, he is more powerful.

- The breaking of the fourth wall...shudders!

- Annabeth you're so clever with that prism look at you go! But where tf did u get that from?!?!

- SEAWEED BRAIN

- The first Iris Message!! The way Luke's demeanour immediately changes from hopeful to slightly scared before he covers it again when they say they know who the thief is.

- LUKE HOW DARE YOU BLAME CLARISSE!!!!

- Their argument about what was when is so accurate and shows just how much stress and how abnormal this situation is for everyone.

- "Monday you died in the river." Luke must be so confused...

- "When did you turn into an old married couple?" Annabeth's look is so 'my brother needs to stop meddling with my love life' its actually funny. Luke knows, he's going to go tell Silena. Percabeth was the true bargaining tactic. (Iykyk)

- Ooooh they've already started to mention May?!??!

- Awww Grover helping the animals escape! I always forget about that.

- "this seems dangerous" "they'll be fine..." "I meant the people."

- Annabeth's sass about the Lotus flower! He really isn't observant.

- " You were like 2 seconds ahead of me" sure

- LEVITATING?!?!? Perfect song! It bridges the gap between the older and younger generation. I could imagine this playing in an arcade and a casino separately let alone together.

- "Did you read the Odyssey?" "The graphic Novel. It counts" Yes!!! This is a PSA that Audiobooks and Graphic novels are books and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! (I'm looking at you, year 5 teacher, who told me they didn't count)

- WISE GIRL

- The way Walker said WiseGirl endearingly? Sir knows what he did!

- Don't believe him Grover!

- "if I tell you something do you promise not to make fun of me" "Dude..." it's Giving 'I am never going to make things easy for you, Seaweed brain'

- I was unsure about Lin as Hermes bit I'm not now I think it actually makes sense. I know a lot of people said he's not slutty enough to play Hermes who has the most or second most amount of kid at camp but Hermes doesn't need to be slutty. He's a charmer because he's funny. It's like Joey Tribiani's sister Gina said "you'd like him, he's real funny". And like Joey every child of Hermes to their parent would just be screaming "If you like him you laugh!!!"

- Lin how dare you remind them of their trauma!!!

- HE DID THE DISNEY VILLAIN EYEBROWS

- "Then I feel a lot better about stealing his keys" "exactly...wait what?!?!" I cackled this is brilliant!

- "You picked Hermes' picket???" "I'm multitalente." YES YOU ARE QUEEN!!!

- The Lotus flowers as thing you breathe in is so sinister! The more I think about it the more funked up it is.

- The whole pumping the Lotus flowers thing through the air is so smart! But I find it so ironic that Disney, who are known for putting different smells around restaurants to make you buy their food, are portraying this as evil.

- "Man, Grover got really old."

- FUCKING RUGBY TACKLES GOAT MAN

- Grover in Vr gear is the strangest thing to see

- All those cars from different decade puts things into perspective Jesus.

- "Are we late because of me?" "It's okay, we're going to be okay." Percy stop telling people things are okay when they aren't!!

- Hermes left them a note !!!!!

- PERCY CANT DRIVE OH MY GOD. I know he's 12 but this is still so funny. Truly what it's like to drive a car for the first time with no experience.

- ROAD RAGE PERCY OH MY GOD!

- The way he's looking at Annabeth so accidentally scrapes the car up the wall. He was doing so well until that!

- Oh my god that car scared me I was like, no way are they going to kill Annabeth off before the end of season 1.

- "it's easy to forget what's important when you're alone." Foreshadowing for a certain person on a certain island??

- That nymph (Nereid? Nyad? I get them confused.) Is so scary...more scared of her than I am of Kronos can't lie. Shes beautiful but I'm scared.

- Four Pearls woooh

- I didn't think before that the episode are too short but now I'm starting to. There was so much crammed into this one that there wasn't much time to digest anything before the next thing happened. I'd say there was roughly the same amount that happened in this episode and the last but the last felt more cohesive because it was all about Ares and what Ares needed them to do. I don't know. This probably isn't my favourite episode, but it's still really good.

Spoilers for the snippet at the end of the first credits.

- How is Percy staying behind if they have the right amount of pearls?? This will probably be answered, but I'm just worried that it won't completely make sense.

[hobidreams]

I was curious about TES after Yoongi was getting whacked left and right by anon's and read all the 3 parts + drabbles. I agree with them that he is toxic and but I also noticed something peculiar.

Why does y/n keep giving in that relationship ? Like, she buys him that music device, she spends her money on him after his first hit, she goes down on him more times than he does in the series. Even when they were just fxckbuddies, he seemed to be way ruder and seeing their relationship, I don't think he has made up to her. She is doing everything & he is just receiving while giving back little. The relationship seems parasitic rather than symbiotic.

im ngl to you i think its just because of the way the series is written and it's impossible for me to cover everything in their relationship!! LOL. so all those little moments of Yoongi being there for her, offering the $$ and emotional support she needs to pursue her dreams, doing the dishes for her when shes busy, those don't really get highlighted just bc of the scenes that ive chosen to write about. i tried to show it in the AMM answers (not sure if you read those too) but basically whatever she wants, she gets and Yoongi buys for her or acquiesces (even if its like food at 3am). like the cats that she's obsessed with. if she randomly brought home another cat he'd just cave to what she wanted loool. also in an amm i think i said that he, mc, and mocha wear family halloween costumes LMAO he def didnt like them at first but he does stuff like that to make her smile all the time!

ALSO PLS THE MAN WENT DOWN ON HER THE FIRST TIME LIKE A MADMAN u think he isn't down there on a regular basis?? 😆

anyhow the entire concept of the series was enemies to lovers so i truly wanted to create a character who was RUDEEE and in the depths so that he could get a second chance. ive always said in asks abt TES that if u meet a man like first chap Yoongi, u should run LOL but post-final-cup, Yoongi is absolutely trying his best to meet her needs and use his words and communicate with her like a big boy! also i think in my head he's just not as.. creative as her?? so like it'd never occur to him to rent a limo for sex LMAO but he would take her out for a nice romantic dinner to celebrate and that's not something that was particularly interesting to write a whole drabble abt 😥 so like the BJ drabble was meant to harken back to ch2, so that's why she was doing that. so i don't think it's totally accurate to say he always gives less.

also when i was writing the series, it was important to me that she has her flaws too. they're just flaws that arent as obvious because we're in her head! like she's so obviously a busybody and nosy AF. she's attracted to Yoongi cause she's kinda lost in her life and has a very "I want to fix him" attitude that's not good for either of them. so that moment at the end of the [REDACTED] confrontation where Yoongi storms off instead of thanking her was meant to be her wakeup call. he had to come to terms with it on her own and she ultimately had to respect his decisions, even when she disagrees with them. in a relationship i can still see her trying to take over and "my way or the highway" at times but Yoongi is more chill now so he mostly goes along with it, even if he bickers for fun with her over it! so imo the relationship is quite balanced now!!

[stray-lily]

// Home for the Holidays

self-insert gn reader, all members included, a wholesome little fic

happy holidays everyone!

disclaimer: names, places, etc. are from my mind and/or are used in a fictional manner and should not be taken as reality. I do not own Stray Kids and their characters in this story are not necessarily accurate to their real-life selves.

word count: 1.6k

After many weeks of promoting, performing, and producing, the day of their official break finally arrived.

While it wasn't quite long enough to travel long distances, they were still content with the break. Even if it meant they wouldn't be interacting with their Stays as often, their break would hopefully let their fans rest as well.

Well, there was at least one Stay that wouldn't be resting.

An old friend of theirs, y/n was eager to see their borderline-insane friends (even if they definitely acted the same, but that's not important now). They all planned to decorate the boys' dorm with an ornamental tree and other little trinkets—anything else that followed would be a free-for-all of chaos.

"Oh, you guys really want a hug today, don't you?" Through the phone screen, another live Channie's Room began to close. He turned the volume of a lovely song down while glancing over the rapid-fire comments.

He stood from his chair and gave his camera a big hug, something that always made you giggle. One of the members snuck into his studio to record that very moment on their phone some time ago, sending it to the group chat, and he looked a bit awkward to say the least. Mostly trying not to knock things over, the fluffball of a man wasn't a natural camera-hugger. But the sweet action never went unappreciated by the fans.

"Thank you, Stays," Chan smiled, now back in his chair, and posed in his signature sign-off. "Thank you, baby Stays. And I'll see you next time! Bye-bye!"

With that, the live ends.

And you immediately send Chan a message.

y/n: Channie! Get some rest too :( you're being a hypocrite if you keep telling us to rest when you don't

[delivered: 23:10]

You flop on your bed and bury yourself under the covers. The snowy wind makes itself known, creating an annoyingly cold area in by the window.

Though it takes a long time to fall asleep with all the bubbling excitement of seeing the boys again so soon, you sleep dreamlessly. That is, until your morning alarm—the instrumental intro to Ex—goes off.

You listen to it for a while, humming some of the lyrics, before shutting it off. On your screen is a message from Chan.

chrispy: i know, i know but i had too many ideas :( see you soon!

[received: 03:25]

Dang it, Chan.

It's still snowing when you look out your window, though the wind seems nonexistent at least. You dress warmly and take your bag to the main room, where Dad finishes making pancakes and Mom reads a novel with a cup of hot coffee.

"Morning, y/n," Mom greets cheerfully with a sip of her drink.

"Morning!"

"You meeting up with the kids today?" Dad asks while you dish up a bit of breakfast. Kids, isn't that accurate.

"Yes, hon, she told us last night at dinner. And the night before." Mom sets down her book with an amused twinkle in her gaze.

"Did she?"

"She did."

"Ah. Pancake?"

You smile at them, though it disappears the more you eat and distract yourself.

The faux tree your family put up a few weeks ago stands brightly in the living room, a few wrapped packages underneath it shimmering with the colorful lights. Wintery-themed decorations fill the house, most of which is in the kitchen, living, and dining room. The most recent is a string of cut paper snowflakes—another folded strand of them being safely secured in your bag.

"You have everything you need?" Mom asks once you finish your food, beginning to pour her second cup of molten caffeine.

"I think so. Yennie said they have most of what we'll need when I texted him, also mentioned that Chan and Lix were getting an excessive amount of lights."

"Can I trust you to be the reasonable one?" Dad leans over the counter with his hands folded in front of him dramatically.

"Yes, Dad. I'll do my best to steal both brain cells, one if I'm lucky."

"And if you can't?"

"Then it might become Lord of the Flies, minus a plane crash and plus sleep deprivation."

"Stick to stealing a brain cell, yeah?"

"You two," Mom murmurs and shakes her head with a smile.

Checking the clock, it's close to eleven. You take your dish and utensils to the sink and wash them, placing them on the drying rack as Dad starts to put away leftover pancakes in containers. He hands a larger one to you (as a peace offering in case you couldn't get the brain cell) after you pull on your puffy winter coat.

"Have fun," Mom calls out as she fills a pitcher to water her poinsettias before her coffee cools. "I love you!"

"Bye, y/n! Good luck!"

"Hon!"

"What?"

You close the door and turn the key to lock it. You slip the key around the necklace chain back under your coat, knowing fully well that if it was loose in your bag, you'd never find it.

The snow is light, but a breeze still chills the air. Luckily the sun decided to peek out from behind the grey, warming everything considerably.

You walk the familiar streets, slipping on a mask as you get closer to your destination. While their residence was fairly undisclosed, you didn't want to risk anything. There would always be the sasaengs you didn't want to cross and a media you wanted no part of. Idols dealt with enough as it is—you didn't want to fuel a fire with a photo.

On the last stretch of the walk, you make sure to be more careful. You walk as inconspicuously as you can, walking inside the complex as casually as you can as well. You reach the boys' door and knock after sending an I'm here to the group text.

Minho opens the door, whom you greet politely with a hello and a bow before he pulls you inside (with a muttered question of why you always greeted him that way, followed by your uncertainty of how to say that his demeanor was intimidating enough that you still felt like you had to).

In front of you lies the beginning snippets of chaos.

With the Aussie leader limp on the couch, Han and Felix run around as the likely aftermath of some snarky comment (or game of Uno, as the package sits on a table nearby). Oddly enough, they're the only three in the present room, leaving four sources of unequivocal chaos unaccounted for.

One said sources grumbles, shuffling out of the hall to the boys' rooms. Hyunjin has to step back to avoid being hit by the duo chasing one another. Sleepily, he looks back to their disappearing figures, then to the living room. He turns back to the hallway and shuffles away, muttering something like it's too early.

Minho drops his head with a sigh and goes off to follow Hyunjin. He and Felix nearly collide on the way.

"Chan, Chan!" The younger shakes the leader's shoulder.

He grumbles, scrunching his face sleepily, and moves to sit upright.

"Hyung," Felix pokes Chan's shoulder. "Y/n didn't visit to watch you sleep all day. She even brought food, come on!"

It takes a while for everyone to wake up and join the huddle forming around the couch. Felix already dug into one of the peace-offering pancakes happily. Minho drags a groggy Hyunjin in, who takes a few sips from Jisung's bitter iced coffee.

Felix, seeming the most awake for the moment, carries in a bag weighed down with various lights. He drops it in the middle of the floor, instructing you all to put them up wherever you could while he wanders off to bake with Seungmin's aid.

In the bag are little decorative snowflakes and snowmen, along with little gnomes that Felix admits he couldn't pass ("they were too cute," he pouts). Someone puts a playlist on shuffle—not 'holiday' music, as you had gotten tired of hearing the repeated songs in public buildings since they began in November.

Chan and Jeongin start decorating the tree with lights and more snowflake ornaments. Jisung continues to bug Hyunjin for snatching his caffeinated drink. Seungmin and Felix intermittently exchange bringing brownies out for people to try, as fresh brownies are best warm. Changbin moves between natural gatherings, helping where needed, until he settles on bugging Minho.

Outside, the snow continues falling steadily.

Once the decorations were in place, the treats were made, and the chaos settled, Jeongin called everyone around the tree with a wide grin.

"Drumroll, please!"

After a few moments, Chan plugs the lights in with a ta da!

The LEDs shimmer against the clear plastic of the geometric snowflakes. At the top of the tree is a compass—a small nod to the song of theirs that remains one of your favorite comforts to date.

The rest of the night is filled with laughter and the usual chaos of the kids. Off-tune karaoke and more schemes by the younger ones (this time, another attempt to reset Changbin's phone) ensue until you find you have to return home.

Today was fun. There was a different comfort in being with this set of friends, and you were glad you could know them this way.

After hugs, well-wishes of a safe walk, and a few promises to get some sleep, you walk back home.

Though the sun just barely set by the time you got back, the house is empty. Your parents left a note that they'd be back later—they decided to take after you and visit friends, too. That made you smile.

With the house to yourself, you grab a snack and a drink and retire to your room to recharge your social battery, settling on rewatching old videos of your friends and fan compilations of their comforting chaos.

—

a/n: a simple short story to distract you if you need it. happy holidays! whatever you do or don't celebrate, whoever you're with, i hope you enjoy it! if you're with *that* family that has drama, i wish you patience and luck, and you can get though it and dont worry, i'm in that same boat this year :/

ily dear human

-nyx ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

[firstumcschenectady]

“Hoped for Dignity” based on Acts 6:1-6 and 1 Corinthians 11:17-26

When I was a child I thought that the church was a holy place and that meant that the people who were there did good things, and good decisions were made there.

Growing up wasn't particularly fun. Shaking off all those illusions was a lot of work. Now I know that the church is a holy place and that means people try to do good things and make decisions and sometimes we do and sometimes we don't.

These days I can read two passages about the early church bringing normal human dysfunction to shared meals and not even bat an eye. Of course normal human dysfunction happened in the early church! And the middle church! And the late church? Whatever we call ourselves now. Of course ways people didn't see each other's needs have always happened and of course that applied to people with enough resources not seeing those without enough resources well. People. That's apparently how we work. Including in the church.

I've never been super fond of Paul's “solution” in 1 Corinthians though. I've never understood why he recommended eating at home instead of sharing all the food that everyone brought. Luckily, we have our Acts reading too, one that feels so radical it seems like Jesus is sitting in the room making the recommendation himself.

So let's focus on the Acts one. This is in the very early church when the followers of Jesus were functioning as one family in really practical ways. People sold everything they had and contributed the resources to the whole and were then utterly dependent on each other. Usually I read this part of Acts and just feel guilty that the modern church is such a weakened version of that commitment to community and shared livelihood.

But this passage shows that even in the VERY early church when people were radically committed to God, to following Jesus, and to each other there were still issues. And these issues were intersectional. The community of faith following Jesus in those days was still a part of Judaism, so all the followers of Jesus still knew themselves to be Jews. However, by the time of the early church, Judaism already had both a home base and a diaspora. Some Jewish people still lived in the land of their ancestors and spoke Hebrew and Aramaic, some came from families that had lived in other places and spoke primarily Greek. Maybe, even, most of them spoke each other's languages but the “Hellenistic” and “”Hebrew” Jews refers mostly to where their families had settled.

In any case, while in the world at large being Hellenistic would have been a position of greater power, for the early church being Hebrew was a position of greater power and that meant that the Hellenistic Jews were LESS powerful. And, because humans … are kinda awful sometimes... that meant that the most vulnerable members of the Hellenistic Jews – the widows – suffered the most and weren't getting enough FOOD.

Which is horrible, and infuriating, and also just so NORMAL.

The solution, I'd say, isn't normal though. It isn't normal in the world and it isn't even normal for the church. Because the issue was brought to “the disciples” and they did something I'm not used to seeing church leaders do. They set a boundary and said “we aren't capable of caring for this in addition to the things we're already doing.” Which was incredibly healthy, especially when they said that AND came up with a plan to make sure it was cared for.

So then they told the community to find 7 people to care for the fair distribution of food. Which means that it was the whole community that did the really amazing next thing, not just the twelve disciples. The amazing thing they did was pick SEVEN men with HELLENISTIC names. One of whom we're told was a convert to Judaism, so go diversity on that one.

And those seven men became the ones in charge of resources distribution. The words used as “wait tables” also have administrative connotations, and I suspect those are accurate.

In my years in the church I haven't ever seen it happen that when a marginalized group reports structuralized mistreatment that they're given all the power over the structure. Never. I've seen marginalized groups report structuralized mistreatment and they've been given space to speak, or they've been empowered to report on the problem, at times there are even spaces made for committees to be formed, and on occasion those committees are even mostly populated by those who have been marginalized.

But I've never seen the POWER HANDED OVER.

I've never seen the response, “This has been done poorly and the most vulnerable people aren't being treated well? Then let's fix it by making sure that those who are vulnerable have complete control over the resources people need, because they'll be more attentive to distributing it fairly.”

Well, I've never seen it anywhere but right here. And this feels like a bigger miracle than those healing stories the gospels are full of. Did the early church really do this? Did they really trust God and follow Jesus this well? Did they actually invert the power structures of the world and trust the disempowered to fix the system?

Yes, yes, I know that it was 7 men and no women and definitely none of the widows. It is a miracle anyway. I've seen the church at large. Trust me.

Seriously, this gives me goosebumps.

Because I can imagine SO MANY objections to doing it this way. Right? “They'll just keep all the food to themselves.” “Will the Hebrew widows be hungry now?” “What do those guys know about distributing resources anyway?” “This is hard work, it should be done by experts.” “What will we do if someday there isn't enough food? Will they be able to handle it then?” “What kind of reporting are we expecting of these 7 to the 12 that it can be clear they're being accountable?”

But that wasn't what happened. 7 people were selected, they were blessed, they did the work, and Acts goes on to tell us some of the wonderful things these people did to build up the community and bring glory to God. The 12 went back to their important work, the 7 did their important work, everyone got the resources they needed, and more people were attracted to this radically equal Body of Christ.

And I think that means if it happened once, it could happen again!?!?!? It probably has, even if I haven't heard about it. I suspect God is working on it happening RIGHT NOW in a whole bunch of places. This is a miracle of hope – that true dignity can be restored to God's beloveds who are in this moment vulnerable and in need.

This amazing miracle is a part of the story we find at the table of God we extend at the communion table. So invite you to bring this miracle with us as move into sharing our resources with each other and sharing the bread and the cup. Amen

Rev. Sara E. Baron  First United Methodist Church of Schenectady  603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305  Pronouns: she/her/hers  http://fumcschenectady.org/  https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

March 3, 2024

[rainyblue]

1/12/23

Here with a couple more thoughts on a couple more books.

Idol, Burning by Rin Usami

This was a short novella about a young Japanese girl whose oshi, which I take to basically have the same meaning as bias in the k-pop fandom, gets sucked into scandal after scandal and the effects that this has on her, as a die-hard fan.

I remember taking a class in college about East Asian pop culture and for my final project, I decided to write a short story illustrating the toxic effects of fandom in k-pop, but I think Usami's done it better in this one. It was pretty crazy reading this novella and recognizing my old self in Akari. In life, she is pretty slow to learning new things and isn't the best at school, but in her fandom, she's something of an authority on her oshi, Masaki. Following updates on his life and his career consumes her to the point that she's unable to focus on her own life, as his trials and tribulations and successes become her own.

I loved the way this book examines the dark side of fandom and how obsessive and toxic these parasocial relationships between fans and idols can become, while at the same time remaining sympathetic toward both. It's unhealthy for anyone to be obsessed with an idol in the capacity that Akari is obsessed with Masaki, but the story also hints that Akari may have a learning disorder of some kind, and she feels isolated, helpless, and abandoned living in a world that doesn't feel designed to help her thrive. When she's fangirling over Masaki and writing blog posts with updates about him, we get to see how perceptive and emotionally intelligent Akari really is. It's the one time she can feel a sense of control and feels the most like herself.

On the other hand, we also get glimpses of Masaki's life as an idol and the object of Akari's and so many others' attention and adoration, and how the scrutiny over his many scandals is slowly crushing him as commentary on the difficult lives of Japanese pop idols.

Interesting, though at times I felt the "plot" meandered a bit. 3.75/5

Fantasticland by Mike Bockoven

I've got some thoughts about this one. I think it'd be best if I laid it out with some bullet points:

What I Liked:

The audiobook narration: This book was meant to be read via audiobook. The way the story is told is in the form of a series of interviews of survivors from the Fantasticland disaster as well as other authorities such as the National Guard, corporate leaders, etc. I think if I were to read this as a physical book, there wouldn't be much to separate the individual characters in my head as there are no physical descriptors and each "voice" for the most part sounds the same. But the narrators really knocked it out of the park here, doing all these different accents and changing up the rhythm and cadence of each characters' voice that made it both easy to distinguish them and the book more fun to listen to. Well done.

Overall, a very interesting concept. Several synopses tout this book as a Lord of the Flies meets Battle Royale, and I would say that is pretty accurate in terms of the overall storyline and the level of violence and gore. A bunch of young adult theme park employees get trapped there during a hurricane and, despite having enough food and supplies to last it out, quickly devolve into savagery, forming rival tribes that repeatedly brutalize each other.

The format was interesting. Like I said, it is told in the form of individual interviews, making it kind of like a Blair Witch-esque found footage horror story. Normally, this is not my cup of tea as I find this documentary-style of storytelling to be very simplistic, a little too much "telling" and not enough "showing," interrupts my ability to get immersed. But I gotta give credit here to the narrators, again, as they did a fantastic job of making the interviews feel authentic and engrossing, and eventually the interview format grew on me.

What I Did Not Like:

What social commentary? Repeatedly, the book ponders the questions of how and why these young adults turned on each other so quickly. It's mentioned throughout the book that the park had enough emergency food and supplies to last 400+ employees a month or two in case of an emergency like this, and in this case, apparently there were fewer employees than expected since some didn't show up, meaning that that there was more than enough for all, so trying to survive shouldn't have been a factor influencing the employees' (who are frequently referred to as "kids" even though they are all 18+ and majority adults) descent into savagery. So why all the killing? The author tries to do some social commentary here about how the younger generation is obsessed with social media and technology and how they completely fall apart if you take their phones away, and it just... completely misses the mark? It's such contrived reasoning and reeks of "kids these days with their MyFace and SpaceBook" energy. Having no access to the internet in a world as connected and reliant on online communication as today's society can feel truly isolating and have real consequences, and having no access to the outside world during a natural disaster is even more anxiety-inducing, and the author sidesteps all of that in favor of "kids become savages when they can't check Instagram" commentary.

The plot feels contrived and implausible. There's absolutely no way a theme park (that supposedly has the same prestige and success as Disney World and Universal Studios) would force their employees to stay onsite during a hurricane to "protect the park from looting." Early on in the book, they talk about how if a disaster like a hurricane hit the park and pandemonium broke out, they could lose millions of dollars from looting. So their solution is to *checks notes* make a bunch of college kids stay onsite to fight the looters? Just get your damn popcorn buckets insured against theft and let the employees evacuate normally.

Idk, I just feel like all throughout reading the book, I was waiting for one of the characters to suggest or ponder that maybe there was something supernatural about Hurricane Sadie that made everyone go Mad Max so quickly, but the author still tries to chalk it all up to a bunch of kids going crazy without their phones. Yes, some of it is tried to pin on the villain Brock Hockney being some kind of charismatic psycho who convinced the pirates to kill, but that doesn't explain why the others formed rival gangs too.

Or maybe the book could have benefitted from some stories of what the employees' relationships with each other and management was like before the hurricane hit? Some hints that maybe there was ill will already being sown between employees of the different sections from before the hurricane that just got compounded by the disaster?

Personally for me, the real horror in these kinds of Lord of the Flies type of stories isn't in the blood and gore, but in the psychological aspect of it. It's scary being stuck in an abandoned theme park and not knowing who you can trust or not knowing when someone is going to turn on you, and the slow reveal of that madness is where the true horror lies. But the speed at which the kids turned savage left no room for that slow terror to build, and whatever climax the tension was building up to, it did not pay off.

Still, I like the audiobook narrators. 5/5 for the audio, 2/5 for the story, so let's call it an overall 3/5?

Up next: Infinite Country by Patricia Engel, then Orpheus Girl by Brynne Rebele-Henry.

Also, I had to DNF The Ones We Burn. I was about 50% through and couldn't get through it. Probably because I was in the middle of reading it when my cousin passed away suddenly, and I was listening to it non-stop to keep myself distracted only to find myself too distracted to pay attention to the story. I've decided to set it aside for now and try again once I'm in a better headspace.

[cyborg-empress]

A Type One Diabetic's List of No-Nos for Non-Diabetics

This is a guide for non-diabetics to better understand what NOT to do when interacting with type 1 diabetics. This is meant for educational purposes and is based on my opinion and experience. If any T1Ds want to add their own suggestions, feel free!

(Note: The things on this list probably somewhat apply to type two diabetics too, I just have no experience with that so I can't comment.)

Dear non-diabetics, please:

Don't make insensitive jokes. Saying stuff about "getting diabeetus" because you're eating too much junk food is really annoying and simply not how it works. Yes, my friends and I make dumb diabetes jokes, but that's because they've talked to me and know I enjoy specific types of jokes.

Don't act like it's my fault/choice. I didn't get diabetes because I did anything wrong. Nothing about my lifestyle caused me to get diabetes. I was born with it. Implying otherwise really pisses me off, especially if you act like somehow I deserve this.

Don't touch my tech. Please don't touch any of my diabetes technology without my permission. It's literally attached to me!

Don't ask for/steal my food. I'm totally open to sharing snacks, but not after I've counted the carbs and not if I'm eating it because I'm low! In other words, I might need that food for my health, so please don't take it!

Don't pity me and treat me like I'm less capable. I'm not. I can do everything you can do. Yes, the disease sucks. I appreciate empathy and you can totally be mad at it with me, but please, no pity. Just be understanding if I'm struggling or having a bad diabetes day.

Don't compare the things I don't eat because of my diabetes to your voluntary diet. When I say that I don't drink full sugar pop (unless I'm low) telling me that "you understand, you're not drinking it either because you're trying to lose weight" isn't helpful. I totally understand that you're trying to sympathize, but it makes me really frustrated because you get a choice and I don't, so it's not the same in the slightest.

Don't call diabetics "Cyborgs" unless you have their permission or they call themselves that. It's a common label because many diabetics have technology attached to them to help them manage their diabetes, making them, technically, part machine like a cyborg. Some diabetics feel like it's dehumanizing and makes them feel different and disrespected. Others, like myself, (it's literally in my username) fully embrace the title as an excellent and fun part of their identity. Make sure that you know how someone feels before you call them that!

Don't be afraid to ask polite questions! As long as it's not the only thing you ever talk to me about, I'm totally happy to answer questions about my diabetes. There is a lot of misinformation and misunderstandings out there and I would love to try and clear it up and share accurate information!

I'm sure there is way more I'm not thinking of at the moment, but the baseline is: be kind! Being diabetic isn't easy, but interacting with kind people makes it better.

Thank you so much for reading!

[literallykenmaandshoyo]

Hi! I have a request for Hasan. Going to Coachella with his gf and her siting on his shoulders, so she could see the stage better. I hope that okay💕

Brighter Than Any Star

Hasanabi x fem reader Requested by: Anon Genre: Fluff Proofread: N/A Music: A (really) Dark Academia Playlist Vol I

Warnings: It's Coachella so, talk of reader's thighs Summary: It's your first time at Coachella and your boyfriend Hasan makes it a festival to remember Author's Note: Anon, this shit is so cute I may cry /lh I love fluffy shit like this. Also, be warned I never keep up with how Coachella works so this probably isn't accurate. I also had to see what Hasan wore to make it accurate lol (this could be read as gender neutral too) -Mod Kenma

Coachella was something you had never really thought about going to. You preferred to just go with the flow, following your boyfriend around like a lost puppy. Most of the time, Hasan knew what he was doing and you trusted him enough to lead the way. So when he came to you saying the two of you were going to Coachella, you asked what the two of you would be wearing. Coachella was a lot bigger than you had expected. Honestly, you didn't know what to expect besides the heat. The heat was as excruciating as you were told but you shrugged it off. It's better to not draw attention to the way your skin feels warm because of the sun or it'll just get warmer. One thing you did not expect was the number of photos people wanted to take. Whether it be your friends who wanted you in a picture or someone asking politely if you could take a picture of them, not that you minded though. Hasan made sure to show off in photos with the two of you in it. He wanted to put an emphasis on the fact that the two of you were matching. It was truly sweet of him. It made you feel less overwhelmed and out of place. Yes, Hasan's outfits for Coachella were arguably terrible but you would put up with it when it came to matching with him. Not to mention it was fun to let loose and take dumb photos together that were meant for just the two of you. The more the festival went on, the more you and Hasan found yourselves engaging not with just your friends but the events there. The two of you wandered around art galleries and food tents, trying out snacks and buying little things here and there. The concert was probably your favorite part of the entire event. At first, a tight knot found itself in your stomach when you realized that you were not close enough to see what was going on. You didn't want to bring too much attention to it, feeling slightly selfish. Hasan was quick to sense that you were upset just by glancing at you. You were struggling to see the stage. Without hesitation, Hasan squatted down and motioned for you to climb up onto him. You nervously did so, worried about falling. It's not that you didn't trust Hasan, you didn't trust yourself. He stood up straight and grasped your delicate thighs tightly. You let out a small yelp, forcing yourself forward. Hasan chuckled at your antics before getting slightly closer to the stage. He asked if you could see anything but before you could respond, the show began. He took your excitement and yells as a yes. Throughout the night, you were singing along and cheering. Seeing you like that made Hasan's heart swell with happiness. He was beyond happy to see you so free like this. Just your smile could brighten his day. That moment made Hasan realize that going to Coachella was one of the best decisions he had ever made.

[wisteria-lodge]

That's the thing, isn't it. It's easy to nit-pick clothing history (even in straight-up historical fiction) just because it's a *type* of history that gets overlooked a lot. it also used to be much harder to research.

I'm never going to get on a fantasy book for having fantastical fashion, or for doing the middles-ages-plus-renaissance-in-a-blender thing. One response to my original post was that the smallclothes thing is like insisting all the ladies should be wearing hair-coverings. Veils/headdresses/hairnets, that's a question of fashion, and fashion is fluid and depends on a lot of external factors. Like, black dye was historically expensive, but the strapped-for-cash Nights Watch all wear uniform black. I'll believe the North has some cheap way to make black dye, or they bought all the clothes back when they did have more money, or dressing them all is black is an important traditional thing. Also it's just cool, so.

What bothers me *more* are little moments like - Kvothe saying that he's so poor in The Name of the Wind that he's only got two shirts. Unless you have industrialized clothing production, two is a completely normal and respectable amount of shirts to have. Fabric was expensive! But I also know Patrick Rothfuss is not framing The Name of the Wind as accurate to any kind of history, he's interested in other things. I'm never going to get on someone for not including a detail, or for not putting a narrative focus on something they don't want to write about. But this is how GRRM talks about his books:

I wanted my books to be strongly grounded in history and to show what medieval society was like, and I was also reacting to a lot of fantasy fiction. Most stories depict what I call the ‘Disneyland Middle Ages’—there are princes and princesses and knights in shining armor, but they didn’t want to show what those societies meant and how they functioned.

For the series, he immersed himself in the Middle Ages, reading everything he could about such things as castles, tourneys, knighthood, food, medicine, clothing, and customs. (...) In his opinion, the more you can take in of a period, the more your work will have a sense of truthfulness.

And because of that, I do think people use his work as a model when they shouldn't.

I think that the reason the smallclothes thing bugs me is - okay, we know they didn't wear panties/kickers type underwear, for the entire period he's grabbing from. You certainly didn't have "lacy" knickers, like Jon Snow is talking about up there. The idea that you would put lace on an article of clothing that maybe only one other person is seeing - that's crazy, and framing it as just kind of frivolous and girly... kinda does devalue how hard it is to make lace by hand.

What is so fascinating about panties, to me, is that they are basically disposable clothing. They're supposed to last you for a couple of years, max. You get them in prints, lace, fun colors - because fabric is super easy to make now and it's not like you're not committing to any single garment for that that long. And because fabric is easy/cheap to make, we're more okay with fabric waste. And if you're okay with fabric waste, then that means going to get you really tight tailoring, and when you get that + short hemlines - then modern knickers start to make a lot of sense.

You absolutely had loincloths, wraps, and menstrual belts back in the day (also - side note - what's holding up GRRM's smallclothes? it can't be elastic. Have they got garter belts?) But you're wearing them during exercise/your period, so they're designed to get dirty. They're only supposed to be worn for a short period of time, and are made of plain strips of fabric that are easy to clean. They're basically diapers.

In a pre-industrial society, fabric is just too valuable to be wearing invisibly under your skirt for no reason. Especially not fabric that's been cut and tailored into actual *garments," creating fabric scraps. Like, hit me with a a religious taboo or *something.* Say this is an important modesty thing for the Faith of the Seven, but the Old Gods don't care and this is a cultural difference Sansa has to navigate.

Basically, GRRM made up a term for a type of garment that just did not exist, and drops it into his historically grounded world, and I'm not sure why. So now people latch onto that as historical truth. And I just wish that wasn't the case, because it overlooks and flattens important aspects of the past.

"Smallclothes"

I just reblogged a very interesting thread about historical inaccuracy in A Song of Ice and Fire, but it was doing a whole big picture thing and I didn't want to clog it up with one very small detail that just really specifically bothers me.

It's his use of the term "smallclothes." Basically, in ASOIAF smallclothes = panties/knickers.

Daario found his breeches and pulled them on. He did not trouble himself with smallclothes.

Jon’s anger flared. “No, my lord, I mean to set them to sewing lacy smallclothes."

“... before Lord Snow wets his smallclothes.”

"he looked like he was going to shit his smallclothes"

So okay. 'smallclothes' or 'small-clothes' is a historical term (from the 1700s) that means... underlayer. Here's it being used by Charles Dickens:

“Will you run over, once again, what the boy said?” asks Mr. Tulkinghorn, putting his hands into the pockets of his rusty smallclothes and leaning quietly back in his chair."

The idea being that he's casual/doesn't care and isn't bothering to dress up for his guest. not that he's in his undies. Here is a illustration from Nicholas Nickleby of a suitor who has inappropriately "displayed his small-clothes"

I've heard "smallclothes" refer to things like pocket-handkerchiefs, and anecdotally it's sometimes used to refer to knickers in linguistically stubborn places like Yorkshire, but that just is not how the word was used historically.

so okay. fine. It's a fantasy story, he's just made up his own word that means "panties."

Except NO. They straight up did not wear panties in the middle ages and renaissance. Sometimes you got loose under-breeches with a split crotch BUT - in general that long white shirt/chemise just WAS your undergarment. Think of how much easier it is to manufacture! And clean! Boxer brief type things weren't a thing until the 1900s, and modern-ish woman's panties ("step-ins") weren't a thing until the 20s, because the hemlines stopped working with pantalettes and bloomers. There are no "lacy smallclothes" like there is lacy lingerie. That only makes sense if you have industrialized clothing manufacturing!

Honestly I would have thought GRRM would be all over this, like it's kinda sexy that it's just thigh-high stocking or leggings underneath those big dresses, right? But he hasn't done that. Instead he's just ported in a modern article of clothing and gave it an old-timey name. Just a little hint that he hasn't actually properly got his head around how these clothes were made and used, and that devalues them.

And it's escaped containment! It's canon in Dragon Age, and in fanfiction I'm seeing "smallclothes" or "smalls" used to describe the underwear in in Our Flag Means Death, the Lord of the Rings, the Witcher. Just have nothing! None of these people should be wearing panties!!!!

[btsxmalereaders]

☆ Even in zero gravity, I would still fall for you!

♡ pairing — bang chan x male reader

> genre — fluff | f2l

> word count — 4.3k I don't know how this happened

> summary — chan realises he likes you by not being able to use pickup lines on you

> a/n — i saw a tiktok where chan says he's gonna use a pickup line on felix and my love-deprived self ended up writing this lol i hope you all like it

| 05282021

| Please keep making more whosfan accounts and keep streaming WOLFGANG on the correct platforms!

"Hey, how you doin'?" Chan casually says as he enters the kitchen, trying not to grin and start giggling right away. He even places his hands over the table and tilts his head a little in an attempt to look confident. Felix takes his attention away from the food he is cooking and turns on his feet to look at him with an eyebrow raised.

"Good?" He answers with an air of suspicion. "Why?"

Chan finally lets out a small giggle, "Oh nothing, I was just thinking that... I am not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together."

And Felix thinks it's a creative pickup line, funny even, but what ends up making him laugh is the way his best friend bends over to start laughing louder and the way his cheeks turn reddish at the embarrassment he's probably feeling.

"That was a good one, I must say," He chuckles. "Not as great as the Optimus Fine one, though. Even if it made you laugh for ten minutes after you said it."

And Chan can only laugh harder at the remembrance, placing his hands over his slightly aching abdomen and gasp for air when he can't handle it anymore. Felix giggles as well and denies with his head, going back to stir what's on the pot.

"Stays keep getting creative when it comes to flirting with you," He speaks again as the laughter finally dies down. "They probably think you might use it on someone you like, and you're here almost crying because you use them on us."

Chan hums, "Well, I don't really like anyone right now."

Felix turns off the stove and makes a -dramatic- pause, turning again to face Chan as he gets closer and squints his eyes. "I don't believe it."

"What?" Chan laughs. "Why would I lie?"

"I don't know, but I don't buy it. Maybe it's the love songs you have as drafts in your laptop."

"Ah, that doesn't mean I'm in love," He explains and takes a seat in front of him, nervously scratching the back of his neck. "That's why they're still drafts, though. They don't convey the feeling of being in love because I am not in love, you know?"

"Good point, but it still doesn't convince me."

"Why?" He asks again with a chuckle, a little embarrassed by the sudden interest in his - nonexistent - love life. "You know our activities barely give us time for ourselves, so it's almost impossible to have a relationship with someone. At least a formal one."

"You can still like someone and not be with them." Felix shrugs. "So spill it. Who is it?"

And Chan knows he's just messing around with him, but he can't help but feel flustered. "No one! I think so." He almost says it in a whisper; however, Felix doesn't comment on it.

"I still want to listen to those drafts," He stands up and smiles. "Why don't you show me?"

This was not the way Chan expected the conversation to go, so he hesitates a bit about his friend's request. Well, it wasn't unusual anyway, at least Changbin had heard a couple and also helped in the composition of the songs, so having someone else hear them wouldn't hurt. He might even listen to ideas on his part to improve them.

"Okay, I can do that. Next week Y/N will come to the studio and work on something, why don't you pop-up at some point and I can show you?"

Felix nods, "Sounds good! Y/N asked for help for his new album?"

"Yeah, he wants me to listen to some tracks he has been working on." He casually comments, taking his phone from his pocket and leading his attention to the device, so now Felix can't see the slight blush on his cheeks.

"Hm, I haven't seen him in a while. Why hasn't he come to the dorm lately? We should invite him."

"He has been busy with his album, that's why. If you think I leave late from the studio, that's nothing compared to him, he truly spends an ungodly amount of time there."

"So you see him often?" Felix asks with sudden interest, now being aware of how Chan's ears are tinted pink.

"You could say that, yeah. He also spends time on my studio whenever he has the chance. And vice-versa." He shrugs, not finding it odd. You two were really good friends, so it was a normal thing for you to do. "Why?"

"Nothing, I was just curious." He mischievously laughs. "So, next week, you said?"

After a quick glance at the time on your phone, you decide to stand up and stretch your body. It's been a long time since you started working, and you still have a lot to do; and on top of it all, the progress you've made tonight doesn't totally convince you, and that just meant you'd be spending more time in the studio.

As you take your phone again to read your notes, a notification pops up on the top. You weren't supposed to meet up with Chan until later, but in the new message you just received, he tells you that he's free from working on his stuff and you could go earlier if you wanted.

You decide to go; after all, it was nearly impossible for you to concentrate again, and you truly needed to know what does he think about the tracks you sent him a few days ago to finally make an advance. So you grab your laptop after making sure you've saved the changes and the cup of half-drunk coffee, walking out to the long hall and taking the elevator to an upper floor.

The soles of your shoes are dragged across the floor all the way to the studio's door, where you softly knock a couple of times before remembering you already know the password to enter. Your fingers press the buttons, entering code you know by heart at this point, and the door quickly unlocks, making Chan to look your way and greet you with a smile.

"Hey, how have you been?" He sweetly says, seeing you entering the room and placing your belongings on top of the big desk in front of you and taking a seat on the couch behind him.

"Busy. And tired." You murmur and let out a sigh. Chan immediately plays a song at a low volume and takes seat next to you.

"You're still struggling with the track you told me about?"

You nod as an answer and pout, "I am desperate. It's like, no matter how many times I rewrite the lyrics or change the beats, it still doesn't convince me at all and I hate it."

"I get it," He sighs. "But don't worry about it, I'm here to help you out."

And Chan isn't someone who breaks his promises, so the following hours are spent listening to your music, carefully reading everything you've written so far, listening to your ideas and giving you advice.

In between work, he tells you every other joke to make you laugh and feel at least a bit less stressed; and it works wonderfully since he has a long list of dad jokes that take you off guard, plus his laughter is contagious, so not laughing with him is impossible.

It's no surprise that his advice and opinions are so accurate to the point of clearing your mind and helping you out of your creative block. Chan has always been hard-working and so good with words that every time you engage him in conversations, you feel more relaxed and less burdened. No matter what situation you had a problem with, Chan would always help you find the best solution for it. Maybe that's why you admire him so much, maybe it was one of the many reasons why you didn't hesitate for a second to go to him and find security in his presence and words... Maybe it was one of the thousands of reasons why you had romantic feelings towards him...

"Is it better now?" His voice takes you out of your thoughts. He's sweetly smiling at you; he probably realized you got lost on the way his lips were moving as he told you his thoughts on the recent draft of your song.

"Yeah, yes, honestly, you've helped me so much. I don't know what I'd do without you." You smile and go for a quick hug, taking the opportunity to ruffle his hair. Your fingers sliding between his soft and messy curls and making him fondly smile in the process. "You're my hero. I mean it."

Chan chuckles and can't keep his eyes off you as you type something on your laptop and hum. He recalls the conversation he had last week with Felix, and that ambiguous feeling settling on his chest makes him wonder if, after all, his friend was right. He doesn't remember when was the last time he felt the urge to hold someone in between his arms and dearly appreciate, and he wants to know why he smiles and feels his stomach tickling when he sees you.

Maybe it's because you spend a lot of time with him, a voice inside his head says. But he doesn't feel this way with any other friend.

Maybe it's because you have known him for a long time and you just appreciate him a lot, the voice tries again. Maybe. He finally gives in at the last thought. He'd have to figure it out.

His phone buzzes inside the pocket of his jeans and he takes it, knowing for sure it's a message from Felix.

"Felix is arriving in a few minutes." He murmurs, making you take your eyes off the screen. "He wants to listen to some songs I have, is that okay?"

"Of course, it's your studio, silly." You giggle. "I am almost done with this, so if you're gonna be busy I can go back to m-"

"You can stay, if you want to." He quickly adds. "Plus, he says he wants to see you, you know... He misses you." Chan laughs. He wasn't lying, but that wasn't the only reason he wanted you to stay.

"Okay! Sure, I haven't heard from him in a while, either." You nod and keep making changes on the file you have open.

Just as he said, Felix enters the room just a few minutes later, smiling brightly and immediately running to give you a big hug once he sees you.

Soon, the room was filled with laughter and long conversations to catch up on everything around your lives. Felix tells you about the new pastries he baked last week and that he was waiting for you to come around and bake with him, the new video game Jeongin bought and has been playing with Hyunjin, the new songs Changbin and Jisung have been working on and how Seungmin was learning to play piano, playing songs at night for everyone at the dorm.

"And you know? Chan hyung has gotten better at flirting." He laughs as the latter gives him a threatening glare. "He can't stop saying pickup lines whenever he has the chance."

"Ah, really?" You chortle. "You haven't said one in all the time we've been here."

"Well, we've been working, and I've told you many other jokes... Besides, it's not like I come up with them out of nowhere."

"Yes, you do!" Felix says. "You do that all the time, what are you talking about?"

You glance at Chan, who's currently blushing and at the loss of words. Felix, on the other hand, seems to be happy to see what he just provoked. And he'd definitely enjoy every part of it.

"I want to hear one! C'mooon!" You laugh. "Please?"

Chan rolls his eyes and tries to look confident as he would normally do. He clears his throat and thinks of a good pickup line he hasn't used yet.

"Alright," He says and smiles, he even thinks it's gonna start laughing before even opening his mouth, but the very moment he looks into your eyes, it's like he forgot every single word on his vocabulary. "Uhm, are you, no. Did you-? Wait! I forgot what I was gonna say-"

Felix can't help but burst into laughter, and you only look at him, as if you couldn't believe it. Was he nervous or was it because of the fact that Felix was in the same room? Would it have been any different if he weren't there?

You end up laughing at Felix's loud laughter, as well as seeing Chan blushing up to his ears and hiding his face behind his hands, probably also in an attempt to cover the huge grin he now has.

"Wow, that was an epic failure. And I thought you were the biggest flirt on earth." Felix teases him, to which Chan ends up groaning.

He continues talking about other stuff while Chan stops feeling embarrassed, even though he's not able to look in your eyes for the entire time until you have to go back to work.

You close your laptop and stand up, throwing the now empty cup of coffee on the trash bin. After thanking Chan for his help and promising Felix you'd drop by their dorm soon, you walk out of the studio with a smile and feeling your heart beating fast. There was no way you didn't have feelings for him.

"Oh my god, so I was right!" Felix says a few seconds after you left. Chan's first instinct is to cover his face again. "Look who got nervous so suddenly."

"Stop, I- I don't even want to talk about it." He murmurs, feeling flustered and avoiding Felix's gaze. He types something on his laptop and presses the play button, hoping that this way, his friend would forget about what just happened and could focus solely on the music.

And Felix doesn't talk about it anymore. The next few minutes are set by the music coming out of the speakers; the room filling with Chan's voice, singing the love songs that probably no one else would listen to. Felix seems to be concentrating on the lyrics, but Chan's thoughts are solely about you. As he listens to the songs, he is aware of how his skin bristles every time his hands accidentally touch you, the times when your eyes connect with his and you give him smiles every time it happens, all those times when his heart would race when he hugged you.... It's as if all those songs that professed a love he said he didn't feel, started to make sense.

He feels overwhelmed. Maybe if he was aware of it before, maybe if he listened to his heart instead of his head, this wouldn't be a big revelation to him.

Chan pauses the music, and before Felix can ask what's going on, he speaks up: "Why- why did I do that?"

"Did... what, exactly?" Felix asks, confused.

"The pickup line thing!" He blurts out. "I mean, I do that all the time, right? Why did I just forget how to even talk?"

Felix giggles, "Well, have you considered it's because when you use those pickup lines on us you just do it for laughing? To joke around with us, and with Y/N it's because... I don't know, you have feelings for him and it gets real? Like you're flirting with him."

Makes sense, he thinks. He remains in silence for a moment, processing everything that just happened and finally connecting the dots.

"Wait, you just had your epiphany?" Felix jokes. "It took you too, too long."

"I can barely fall asleep, how was I supposed to know I was falling in love?"

"Fair enough." He says, comprehensive. "Are you telling him?"

"Should I?" Chan's eyes sparkle, but he still feels confused. Should he even try? It's been so long since he last felt this way about someone, and given the circumstances of his life as an idol, he felt more reluctant to take the next step. Even more, considering he had just taken the first one by accepting his feelings a few minutes ago.

"I was right all this time by you being in love," He says. "And I am also sure that it's mutual. I've seen you two for a while, you know? I am surprised you didn't come the realization way earlier than this."

Chan giggles. "Alright, I get it."

"But it's up to you now, I guess. All I know is that you deserve to be happy, and you deserve good things... And Y/N is a great person. You should give yourself an opportunity on love."

Chan feels chills as he hears those words. Tonight's even have been too much for him to process, so he'll think deeply about it later.

"Okay," He nods. "Thanks, Lix. You've been really helpful."

"I know, what would you do without me?" Felix laughs. "Now let's keep listening to the songs, I am loving all of them."

Fortunately, the help Chan gave you really made it possible for you to finish the songs in no time. You are just now walking out of a meeting with your managers and the people in charge of the release of the album to set the final details, and you quickly send a message to Chan to let him know the news.

In the meantime, you drop by your studio to clean up a little and maybe write down some ideas for new songs that have been in your mind for a while. After a few minutes, you hear a knock on the door, snapping you out of your thoughts and then feeling confused. You weren't expecting anyone to come. So you slowly open the door, and a smile spreads across your face the moment you realize it's Chan.

"Oh, hi!" You greet him with a hug, immediately letting him in afterwards. He shyly gets inside, taking a seat on a chair and placing a bag on the small table behind him. "What brings you here? I thought you were still busy with you guys upcoming album."

"It's okay, Changbin is working on his stuff now at the studio, so I took the chance to come here and celebrate with you!" He grins. "Congratulations on making your first self-produced album!"

He starts clapping, making you smile; he truly was the sweetest person you've ever met.

As soon as he read your message he went to the nearby cafeteria and bought your favorite drink and pastries, claiming that it was a special occasion and should be celebrated.

"For all your hard work and the success of this album!" He makes a toast as he raises his cup of tea.

Soon you find yourselves immersed in a long conversation about everything that went into creating this album; from when you had the first idea for the concept, to those sleepless nights when he helped you without hesitation. Chan was definitely an essential part of this whole process, so to be celebrating with him right now felt right. It was how it should be.

"You know," Chan clears his throat as another song starts playing. "These past days I've had this thought in my head, and after talking it out with Felix... I am certain about it. And I want to tell you about it. I know I have to."

You frown, feeling curiosity, especially since his semblance has changed to be a bit more serious. He still has a small smile that gives you some kind of tranquility, but another part of you can't help but feel nervous as he gets a little bit closer.

"Of course, what is it?"

"So, uhm" He starts. "Some weeks ago, when Felix came to the studio and we were talking with you... Well, the reason he came was because he wanted to listen to some love songs I've worked on. And, after listening to all of them I figured out why I didn’t like them. I was sure I wasn't in love. That's why, to me, they all sounded plain and didn’t convey the feeling of love... But then..."

He makes a pause, catching his breath as he feels more and more nervous. He knows for sure his ears and cheeks are red right now, and it's impossible that you haven't noticed it. His hands slightly shake behind the table, anxiously looking for yours, but refraining from doing it because he doesn't know how this was going to end. You don't want to interrupt him, so you give him his time to clear his head and talk again.

"While listening to those songs, the only thought I had in mind was you." He finally confesses, with his gaze now fixed on his lap. "I guess that for a while I didn’t realise that I started to, uhm, catch feelings for you. And, it's okay if you don't feel the same way about me. I just really wanted to let you know because the thought has been on my mind for so long and I needed to let it out."

For a moment, the only thing that can be heard in the room is your voice coming from the speakers along with a sigh from Chan, who still didn’t dare to look up and face you.

"So... what you're saying is..." You speak up, feeling incredibly shy, trying to process the words addressed to you.

"What I am trying to say is that I am in love with you."

And you swear you could start screaming to the top of your lungs right now, but you try your very best to stay calm and finally grab Chan's hands. With that, he looks at you again.

"Channie," You softly say, looking at him in his precious eyes and dearly smiling. You don't even know where to begin, but a voice inside you begs for you to give him a hug. So you open your arms and embrace him tightly, feeling instant comfort and love. "I am so glad you feel this way too. I love you too."

Chan sighs in relief, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you closer; his nose pressed against the crook of your neck and closes his eyes, melting between your arms and enjoying every single second of that gesture.

"Wait a minute," You say out of nowhere, so he separates a bit from you and tilts his head. "That's why you couldn't even say a sentence when you tried to say a pickup line?"

You laugh when his expression changes to look ashamed, his lips frowned in a pout and his gaze avoiding your eyes again.

"Try again, I'm sure you're good at this." And Chan's head only comes up with the dozens of lines he has read, but seeing you smiling right in front of him and your arms over his shoulders, he can only think how lucky he is. He can't possibly say anything to you. "Alright, let me try instead."

You hum and recall all the pickup lines you've read and have been told before, "Hm, can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll return it."

And you expected Chan to start laughing out loud, instead he starts blushing again and giggling, covering his face as he feels nervous.

"C'mon! Seriously?" You laugh and wait for him to stop being shy.

"You make me nervous, give me time." He excuses himself and laughs some more. "That was a good one, and you know what? You can borrow all the kisses you want, as long as you keep your word and return them."

"See? That's what I'm talking about!"

Chan fondly smiles at you, placing his hand on your head to pet your hair for a moment. You close your eyes as he does it, feeling his soft touch traveling all the way down to your chin. He rests his thumb on your cheek and after a few seconds you decide to open your eyes.

"Can I?" He murmurs as his gaze shifts from your eyes to your lips.

"You don't even have to ask."

And just as you give him permission, he breaks the distance between you two. He starts carefully, placing his lips against yours in a tender, chaste way, barely there pressure that makes you exhale through your nose as if you had been holding your breath all along. One of his hands still holds you by the waist, so he takes the opportunity to slide it to your lower back, carefully holding you and sending you shivers to your entire body.

You lean forward barely a few millimeters, but it's enough to feel more pressure over your lips. Chan angles his head and traps your bottom lip, tongue trying to dart out of his mouth to taste more of the sweetness of yours. He, however, contains himself and smiles in between the kiss, instead. He was probably gonna be the death of you.

The deep kiss loses intensity as a minute passes by, so you two end up giving smaller kisses and share smiles, your noses constantly touching in skimo kisses. And you think it's perfect; it's way better than what you one day imagined.

Chan can't miss the chance to make you sit on his lap, so now your head rests over his chest. Your fingers fidgeting the hem of his hoodie and shyly longing to intertwine your hands.

"Hey, Y/N?" He grabs your attention and smiles. "Are you a parking ticket?"

You raise an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because you've got fine written all over you." He ends up with a muffled laughter.

"Oh no, what did I just get myself into?" You joke around, this time finally making him burst into a louder laughter. "You just declared war on me about pickup lines, you know?"

"Oh, so you got some lines, too? Can't wait to hear all of them, then."

And for the rest of the day you let yourself be held in between the arms of the person you loved the most. Later you'd find the way to flirt with him and make him feel flustered when he least expects it.