#or rather this guy is so lonely and pathetic that he choose the face of one of the only women he really Knew for his fictional companionshi

[blood-starved-beast]

Ergo the impression I get from Gehrman is that he's a sad, lonely, pathetic, kinda awful old man. And this reflects on everything going on his existence (existence, not living cause Kos knows what's going on with him is not a life).

Dude cries out for people who would or could not save him cause of their own issues (Laurence turns into a beast and Wilhelm is literally rotting alive). He builds a doll of his student (but it's not right, never really meant to be accurate when you are so starved for companionship) who cared more about her own problems and then killed herself cause of them. It appears no one alive seems to really remember him in a way that actually matters.

Fitting ending I'd say, for a man who tried to a build a legacy and school system (the Hunters) that brought upon so much trauma and pain out onto Yharnam and the Great Ones. The price of hubris.

[livingalifeofasimp]

Incurable Love

《♚ SLIGHT YANDERE / POSSESSIVE Zhongli X Reader ♚》

➳ Dynasty Au

➳ Warning : This content contains Yandere themes if you are sensitive please refrain yourself from reading it. This is purely for entertainment purpose, arts and pictures are not mine credits to respective owners, only the content is mine.

❖ You leap through the time to some dynasty and found yourself in the dark forest sunlight scatting through the leaves, on waking up you saw yourself surrounded by some men, the look on their faces made you feel some kind of outsider. They were dressed in traditional wear layers of clothes warped around them secured with leather belts, long hairs, head decorated with pretty accessories.

❖A man came forward glaring, your clothing style made them even more suspicious of you " What is your name? Who sent you here?", Starling you with his strict voice pointing a beautifully crafted weapon yet deadly in your direction that you assumed was sword. "Is this some kind of sick joke, some social experiment Hahah I ain't falling for this", you shouted looking around you for hidden cameras where are they? Other than that, it's illegal to bring people without their consent.  

❖"Stop fooling around answer or die" something in his voice told you this all wasn't a joke as he put his sword near your neck. You cut your skin slightly in the attempts to push the sword away realizing it's not a play. "Do you wanna die so much?, General she doesn't look like an assassin", a young looking guy came forward, "Suspicious, everything about her is suspicious, her words, her clothes, her etiquettes, which country are you from?", Everything felt wrong you took a step back ready to run for your life while they argued with each other.

❖Your heartbeat accelerated as you ran faster than anything to save your ownself, curiously you turned your head and saw an arrow shooted towards you, subconsciously a scream left your mouth before you were pinned by the sharped arrow on the woods. "How bold are you?", General guy mocked you already on his way to grab your neck.

❖"Stop what's is this chaos for?", A deep commanding voice stopped him, he kneel down and bowed followed by all the other guys. "A sceptical girl has appeared, your majesty", he reported to the tall man dressed in all the luxury who made eye contact with yours, you adverted your eyes not wanting to offend these dangerous men after glaring at him. "Is this?", The man bend down and grabbed your chin to get a full view of your face, to find out from where you are.

"I believe people don't want to die unreasonable deaths I will ask you once where are you from?",

 "I am from South",

❖You lied through your teeth making an innocent face these sharp men, hopping to not get caughted by them, his face held a cold expression clearly not showing whatever is going in his mind. "South? From felecoia island?, You hurriedly nodded your head after all you wanted was to get away from them and find your way back. "Why are you here?", "Work I need money to eat", you babbled out anything that could at least save you from his threatening presence. He was surprised, your clothing did amused him, even tho your speaking lacked manners according to the era.

——————————————————————

❖You were forced on Emperor Zhongli's laps reminiscing, if you would have not said the things that you said would you be somewhere else in life, why did it ended up like this?. "What are you thinking about? Today is my birthday, you should be enjoying", he said playing with your silky hair,  you looked at the other side of the hall court officials drinking wine, enjoying, young girls dancing who were selected by the empress dowager so that Emperor Zhongli could choose one of them to be his wife or concubines on his birthday as gift, girls of powerful and influence families, beautiful and perfect in literature were dressed in a seductive way to win Emperor's heart but here he is looking at you with his heart eyes demanding your affection.

❖His face buried in your shoulders leaving kisses and smelling your intoxicating smell that always manages to calm him down, as you try pushing his body away with your hands that he took in his slowly intertwing, pulling your form closer, his left hands encircled your waist as he deepens the kiss running with passion as if he wants you to feel all his love towards you, his overwhelming love and desire that he can't hold back. Noble women looks at you with envy warning you to not get closer to the guy that they love.

❖Zhongli holds your hand to make you walk along side with him which was not done by any other Emperor before. Zhongli knows its wrong but he wants you to love him, piecing pain passes through his heart whenever you say you won't love him, leaving him at the verse of crying. Sometimes his love, loneliness, caring and gentle personality towards you melts your heart but his tendency to get jealous easily in small things makes you think otherwise seeing you pet an animal, he pushes it way and put his head in your lap asking you to caress his hair instead, trying to keep you closer to him all time and hugs you without your consent, making you think maybe it's a good choice to stay with him since you are not able to find your way back home.

❖Whenever you mention your timeline he holds you tight in his embrace afraid to let go so that you won't disappear. Zhongli do not show you his darker side, killing officials or their daughters and maids who plot against you on the spot, cutting their wives, husbands, concubines, sons and daughters' tongue but he isn't afraid to show you his clingingness, holding you down in his bed with him and making you his hugging pillow, trying to win your affection by showing you his pityfull and pathetic, lonely self. Surprising you that the most powerful Emperor who won each battles and states kneel infront of you begs and threatens you to love him.

❖You remember the time when you said, you liked cherry blossoms in one of your friendly lunches with Emperor, the next day you saw your backyard filled with exotic beautiful cherry blossoms trees making your jaw drop, unbelievable how did he managed to do such thing. 

❖"My lady do you like it?, it's specially designed for you, each patterns are threaded perfectly, Royal tailors had spent sleepless nights to make this masterpiece asked by the Emperor", a representative tailor girl said as she carefully put the luxurious red robe around you looking for some mistaken errors trying not to displease the ruthless Emperor. Suddenly guards announced his arrival which caused head maids to retreat back, bow down and leave the chamber immediately as Zhongli springed towards you, trapping you in a hug.

❖"You look so beautiful my Empress, this should be enough", you tried to moved away from him "Empress who?, I am not any Empress", Zhongli poked your cheeks "Quit joking my love", he walked around you and stopped behind you causing you to be nervous who knows what he is planning?, Zhongli caressed your back or rather the pattern design, thread made of gold, it's Dragon's symbol which symbolizes protection, power, luck and wisdom most importantly possession of Emperor, with this on, no one will dare to come closer to you or lay their eyes on you and disrespecting you would be equal to violating Emperor's order, the punishment served will be execution, it's a simple warning to everyone.

❖Zhongli's touch caused you to jump and due to reflex you turned around to look at him, just what is this man thinking?. Zhongli grabbed your right wrist and pulled you to him making you clash against his hard toned chest, he affectionately caressed your left cheeks too drunk in your view to realize your struggles and kissed your right cheek lovingly before whispering in your ears with his deep husky voice a templating offer, "Be mine, let me love you and I will give everything you want, you are the only one I need, I am not asking much, my Goddess please be kind to me, grant me the chance to get your love, your precious than any treasure I own", before enveloping you in a desperate hug.

❖When he hugs you so affectionately but securely telling you how much he loves you that he can kill anyone, forcing you to promise that you will never leave his side whenever he finds out about your escape attempts from the shadow guards, dangerous then any other trained soldier who were assigned to guard you more like to prevent you from escaping, no wonder you always get caughted some or the other way each time you try.

❖You where gazing at all the other princes ( Emperor's brothers) gathered in imperial garden who knew they looked so handsome when Zhongli turned your face towards him by holding your chin with his index fingers " Your Highness.....what?", his angry face scared you after all he can execute anyone he wants "Go inside and wait for me", stealing a delicious view away from you "But", "Show her way inside", he commanded your maids who draged you inside.

"You should be my concubine"

"No way I will never share my husband with anyone I want to be his only wife and him to be my only husband".

❖You smiled to yourself satisfyingly he got no chance other than to leave you but instead of seeing a disappointed Zhongli you saw a blushing Zhongli, his Chief assistant was shocked who immediately turned his head in some other direction to not get his eyes plug out by the tyrant.

❖"How can I be so stupid, you shall be my only wife and be mine forever I shall be yours forever my dear wife", Zhongli said taking your left hand in his long pretty muscular hands and kissed your ring finger as your smile disappeared realizing that you digged your own grave.

[lovelybarnes]

stood up- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, anderson x reader (?) warnings: angst, getting stood up, language, unrequited feelings about: prompts (DA29) “i got stood up.” + (DF30) “i think you’re my soulmate.” +(DF41) “are you going to cry? please don’t cry. a/n: i love to hurt but dw it’s a happy ending, i actually like this fjsk, a the time i finished this, i just posted another imagine, so i can’t wait for you guys to read this one in a couple days

every passing second makes you hyperaware of all the sympathetic stares that are currently directed at you. the feeling of pity is enveloping you whole, wrapping you in a thin layer of shame that you think must be related to the careful makeup you caked on your face for this date. your recently manicured nails scratch at the tablecloth, trying to avoid your new expensive dress, deep midnight color clinging to your nervous self. teeth stress your dark wine bottom lip, anxious eyes darting across the restaurant.

with each face that enters the place, none of them being his, the presumption that he isn’t coming solidifies. with it, comes the embarrassment. you can feel the warnings of tears, already threatening to ruin the mascara you had applied so carefully, not bothering to choose the waterproof one because why would you be crying on your date?

you suppose it’s your own fault- how dare you attempt to get over bucky? how dare you trust the words of a shield agent? you pick at your nails, gathering up the courage to stand up and leave. your waitress, however, beats you to it, a faux apologetic look on her face. “oh, so you’ve been here for, like, half an hour and it seems no one is coming, and we kind of need the table, so…”

you hold back an uncomfortable cringe, nodding stiffly as you stand. “right. i’m sorry. i don’t need to… pay for the water, right?” you ask dumbly, ducking your head when she shakes her head condescendingly.

pushing the door open, you step into the brisk air of the night, clouded over with an uneasy disappointment that you’re sure is because of you. you stand for a second to look at the stars, realizing how pretty of a night this would be if you weren’t so damn frustrated. the upset hasn’t passed yet, although the beginnings of anger are peeking up in your stomach.

while you stare up at the moon, the universe decides your getting stood up wasn’t enough, choosing to gift you with cold droplets of water that make your mascara run. it’s unbelievable, you nearly scoff tearily.

you walk to your car then, the moonlight that should have been romantic when you walked out of the restaurant now only making you feel lonely. you don’t let the tears come yet, having enough pride to not let the smitten couples appreciating the romance of the rain see you cry, deciding to put that off until you’re in the quietness of your room.

you drive in the sound of the pattering rain, concentrated on keeping your breathing even so as to push back the tears, not wanting to have an accident on the way back home because your vision was clouded over with sadness.

-

the relief you feel when you arrive at the compound is immeasurable; the knowledge that all you have to do is walk quietly to your room, and you can release the pent up emotions that eat you whole is unbelievably satisfying. the horrible itching feeling that comes with the tears arrives again when you notice your reflection in the impressively clean windows of the stark compound. through the stains of your ruined makeup, you can see the remnants of how dolled up you were, how much time was spent with the intricate details that made you smile when you looked at yourself in the mirror.

you swallow back the painful lump in your throat, opening the doors and sniffling at the dimly-lit room. your heels click tiredly on the floor, precious bracelet lightly jangling when you move. you can’t find it in yourself to care when you realize you’re dragging water inside, resigning to letting stark lecture you in the morning.

as you stand in the elevator, waiting for it to reach your floor, the emotions you’ve pushed so far down decide to spring back up in the form of an overwhelming dejected exhaustion that makes you physically slump. you lean against the cool of the metal railing, shutting your eyes hard to avoid looking at yourself. you only pry your eyes open when you hear the soft ding of the elevator, surprised and once again embarrassed to see bucky standing between the open doors.

“y/n?” he asks quietly. his demeanor immediately changes when he takes you in, body softer in the way it always is when you’re with him. his reaction makes you fall deeper, which reminds you exactly why you were going on your failed date. you straighten, clearing your throat, “um- i have to get to my room.”

your voice is thin, heightening his worries and stopping you with a gentle hand to your arm before you step off the elevator, “what’s wrong? what happened? are you okay?” he asks, and you nod blindly at all of his questions, realizing that the longer you stay with him- with his warm hand that you can’t help but lean into pressed against your cold arm- the more you really want to cry and scream because it’s not fair that he’s been given to you, yet you can’t have him, even if he has you.

“i’m fine,” you lie obviously, forcing your eyes again from his. “y/n, what happened? you’re clearly not fine,” bucky pushes, the hand on your arm beginning to rub stressed circles into your skin. you give up then, looking back at him. “i got stood up,” you say finally, words cracked. you shake your head, “and i just spent so much time on everything and-”

“that’s stupid. who would stand you up?” bucky interrupts, eyes genuinely confused while you scoff. “apparently anderson from security,” you respond bitterly, looking away. “he’s stupid, y/n. he has to be to not go to a date with you.”

you exhale frustratedly, “maybe not. maybe there’s something wrong with me and i’m the stupid one for even thinking someone would want to go out with me,” you countered. “hey, no, you are- you are amazing, y/n. amazing and stunning and intelligent and he missed his chance to be the luckiest guy in the world,” he insisted, gently pulling your attention back to him with a gentle hand on your cheek. you give him a watery laugh through the loud, unfair questions in your head: why don’t you love me like i love you, then?

you don’t realize the tears that run down the streaks of already ruined mascara until bucky points them out, wiping them away with his fingers, “no, no, don’t cry, please don’t cry,” he begs. you can’t help it, though, biting your lip to hold back your unrequited confessions of love.

“nobody wants me. i don’t even think i want me anymore,” you weep, oblivious to the breaking of bucky’s heart when he hears your words, pulling you flush against his chest. “don’t say that, doll. that’s not true-”

“it is. what other reasons can you think of that explain why i’m the only one that’s shown up to the rare dates i’ve been on? why have i had to go on those stupid dates just to forget how pathetic i am that i can’t get over you?”

you’re too deep in the ocean of your thoughts to realize what you’ve said, too little light available in the dark to let you realize the hints you have and will undoubtedly let out if you continue blubbering into bucky’s shoulder like the mess you are. your feelings are scattered, words so disorganized that any way you piece them together will be a mistake. “why else does the one person who i actually want to love me back not want me?”

bucky can make sense of the words you’re saying, the heavy weight they carry when he realizes exactly what they mean, and what you imply. he’s frozen, heart simultaneously fluttering at the mere thought of his feelings being returned and breaking at the cries you’re letting out because of him.

he’s refused to ever be the source of your pain, restricting his own poems of confessions because he didn’t want to hurt you, never wanting to be the reason you cried. he supposes now it was the wrong choice, one he needs to fix.

the bead of insecurity buried stubbornly in his mind shrieks, however, because he’s as clueless as you are and can’t possibly imagine someone like you- so kind and pure and good- loving him back. so he needs to make sure, needs to hear you say it in your voice.

“what?” you let out a watery scoff, full of embarrassment rather than annoyance at him, “don’t make me say it, bucky, please-”

“please say it- i- i need you to say it.”

a beat of silence passes before you sniffle, pulling away from the man you’ve called your best friend and wanted nothing but to be able to call him more. “i love you, bucky. in a way that makes me pretty sure you’re my soulmate because i don’t even believe in that but you make me feel like i should.”

bucky’s storm clouds lighten, doubts dissolving when he listens to what you said, tasting your words and examining each one just to remember it. he pulls your lips to his when they’ve barely processed. “you should,” he says when he pulls away for a second, only to make you lose your breath again when he aches for you immediately, kissing you again, “believe in soulmates.”

“why is that?” you ask breathlessly, letting him pull you back in because you both have been waiting- dreaming about this for so damn long, and he isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to keep away from you now that he has you. he presses a sloppy kiss to your lips, so perfectly imperfect when your teeth clash and you both laugh gently, noses nudging each other when he leans his forehead on yours, “because we’re meant to be, y/n. in that way that soulmates are.”

[mrsbrookegillespie]

⚝The Girl Next Door⚝ Vampire!Luke x Reader (Series)

(Not My Gif)

Vampire!Luke x Reader (My Babysitter’s a Vampire AU)

Description: Set in Season One (After The Movie) Y/N decides to stay around for a little longer for a unknown reason to the gang. With that comes new problems, more supernaturals, and more uncoverings of the secrets that lay hidden beneath her facade, especially when a new girl enters the town.

Warnings: mentions of death, minor violence, and probably typo. Also cringy My Babysitter’s a Vampire talk. Tried to make it like the show in the way I write.

One more thing... It’s long. Because this is the first one of the series I wanted this one to be long, but the other ones will be shorter, unless it’s a thicker plot.

Enjoy!!!

“Look who decided to stay…”

Y/N freezes for a moment. His chilling voice sent her heart pounding against her ribcage. “Could say the same for you.” She turns on her heels rapidly to face him. “New found freedom and here you are in this same small town, at a school that’s quite boring if I’m being honest.” 

Luke tilts this head. His eyes twitch, widening for a moment. “If it was boring there wouldn’t be witches and vampires roaming around. So, who knows what else is lurking around these corners…” He teasingly smiles at Y/N’s dumbfounded expression. “Am I wrong?” 

“No…” she sighs. 

“You’ve seemed to have caught quite a lot of people’s attention.” He side eyes the group of Freshmen boys gawking at her.    

“It seems I have.” She doesn’t bother looking away from Luke. “Luke.” His now yellow eyes fixate on hers. “I hope our previous encounters don’t get to your head.”

“I wish I knew what you were talking about, so please enlighten me.” He crosses his arms, subconsciously leaning towards her. 

“I mean… With me saving you.” 

“You didn’t save me,” he argues. 

A sarcastic laugh interrupts the confrontation between them. “Oh, is that right?” Sarah appears at Y/N’s side. “Because I think if she wasn’t there to rescue you, there would be a wooden stake in your chest right now.” She mimics Luke’s stance, Y/N awkwardly standing there witnessing this endeavorment.

Luke laughs, dryly. “Is that what you think? Well, I think if a pathetic girl--” 

“Right here,” Y/N mumbles.

“--could take you on, I could’ve survived your weak throw.” 

Sarah sucks on her two front teeth. “Come on Y/N, let’s get out of here.” She grabs ahold of Y/N’s arm tugging her away from the boy.

“Little strange that you’re buddying up with the girl who nearly killed you,” he shouts.

Weirded out glances are shot towards him. 

“You just had to save him?” Sarah asks.

“What? Would you rather me save Jesse?” Y/N responds, raising an eyebrow.

“Or how about no one?” 

Y/N huffs. “Think he’s going to be a problem?” She looks back at where Luke and her just were, only to find he’s disappeared. 

“The biggest,” Sarah answers.

“Yeah… Me too.” 

“Hey guys,” Ethan says, walking up to the pair. “What’s up?” 

“Just another lovely conversation with Luke,” Sarah explains. “Would still really love a reason from Ms. Magic over here.” 

Y/N puts her freehand up to mock surrender. “Don’t look at me,” she pauses. “Just doing my job,” she whispers to the point where no one else hears her. “Seen my cousin anywhere?” 

Ethan shakes his head, but it goes distracted when something catches his attention. “Found him.” 

They all turn to see Benny sweet talking to an unfamiliar girl. “Makes sense,” Y/N comments. “Who is that?” Her eyes narrow.

“No clue, never seen her around before,” Ethan informs. 

“She’s pretty.” 

They all jump, startled by Rory’s sudden appearance. “Where did you come from?” Y/N asks, harshly.

“Sorry, not as pretty as you Y/N,” Rory rushes, winking at her. 

She rolls her eyes. Benny and the new girl stopping in front of them. “Guys I want you to meet Clarissa, she’s new, and she actually just moved in next door to us,” he remarks. 

“Hello, Clarissa, I’m Sarah.” 

“Ethan.” 

“Rory.” 

Y/N stares at the girl for a moment. Something didn’t fit right in Y/N’s stomach when staring into her pure green eyes. They were almost too green. “I’m Y/N.” She bounces on the balls of her feet. “Benny’s cousin,” she adds.

Clarissa grabs Y/N’s hand without warning. “I’ve heard so much about you!”

“You have?” Y/N chokes out a laugh. “All good things, I hope.” She grew heavily uncomfortable when Clarissa stared intensely at the purple gem that was snug in the center of Y/N’s ring. 

Y/N pulls her hand away hastily, wiping it on her jeans. “Of course.” Clarissa’s sickly sweet smile almost gave her a headache. 

“Benny,” she grits through her teeth. “Can I speak with you?” 

Benny looks at her, confused. “What’s up?” 

Y/N clears her throat. “Alone.” 

With no verbal response she drags Benny to a corner where the rest of the group stared at the two. “What’s wrong? Is it Clarissa? Look, I know she’s coming off a little eager but--” 

“That’s all you’re getting from her?” Y/N exasperates. “Don’t you see her eyes they’re pure green, I think they’re magical contacts--”

“Magical--what?!” 

She gestures to where Clarissa was picking at Sarah’s hair. “And she’s wearing a headwrap-thing! And--” She aggressively points at her ring, “--she was analyzing it. I think she knows who I am, and people knowing what I am equals trouble.” 

Benny stares at his cousin like he’s witnessing a crazy person. “Okay, someone’s been overworking her powers a little too much.” He grabs hold of her shoulders. “Clarissa is just a lonely new girl, who just happens to now live right next door to us. And maybe she likes jewelry, and green is good. Nice color. And… You do know there is something called culture, right?” 

Y/N groans. “You’re not getting my point, I think she’s--”

The warning bell rings, cutting her off. “Gotta get to class, maybe you should go home--”

“But--”

“Get some rest.” Benny runs off, catching up with Clarissa.

“Okay, what’s got you all down?” Sarah asks, following the invisible lines Y/N’s making with her eyes, landing on Clarissa. 

“Something is not--”

“I had a vision,” Ethan blurts. “When I shook Clarissa’s hand.” 

“I knew it!” Y/N exclaims. “Snakes on her head, am I right?” 

Ethan shudders. “H-How did you know?” 

“Medusa, I can sense descendants wherever I go,” Y/N admits. “It’s my seventh sense.” 

“You mean sixth sense,” Sarah corrects.

“No, I mean seventh sense.” Ethan and Sarah furrow their eyebrows. “Hard to explain. We need to warn Benny, but I think she already put her spell on him.” 

“Spell?” Ethan questions. “What spell?” 

The second bell rings. “Let’s talk later, during lunch!” Y/N jogs away rounding a corner.

“The thing is…” 

“Ah!” Y/N screams when Clarissa slithers in front of her. “You…” She points an accusing finger at her. “Stay… Away.” Y/N makes a mental note of how her contacts were replaced with a dark pair of sunglasses. 

“You have something I need. You think I want to be this way, snakes for beautiful long hair, turning people into stone. Do you know how lonely it is? I turned my best friend into stone, no way to reverse her back.” Clarissa takes a step closer to Y/N.

“Well, there is, it’s just--AH!” Y/N falls back onto the floor when Clarissa pushes her. “A little more complicated because of…” Her voice fades off.

Clarissa’s eyes didn’t dare to look away from Y/N’s ring. “Because I don’t have that.” 

“So, you want my ring?” Y/N scoffs. “Well, you can’t have it. I’m not giving it to you.” 

Clarissa chuckles. “Like you have a choice.” 

“No, no, no, please don’t do this…. AH!” Y/N had no time to react before Clarissa’s headwrap fell, and she ripped her sunglasses off. 

Grandma gasps, placing a hand on her heart. Not wasting any time she rustles off of the couch, getting to work.

RING! 

“Where’s Y/N? She was supposed to tell us--” 

“Tell you what?” Benny asks, cutting off Ethan. ‘

“That--Clarissa!” Ethan fakes a smile when she comes into view. “Tell us--” 

“Tell us about her upcoming date,” Sarah finishes, nonchalantly. 

“Date?” Luke stomps up to them. “Y/N? On a date? With who?”

“With…” Sarah’s eyes search the area. “Rory!” 

The blonde boy stops, surprised. “What about me?” he asks.

“Your date with Y/N?” Ethan strains his voice, hoping Rory will be smart enough to follow along. 

Rory frowns. “Date…?” Ethan and Sarah nod, pointedly. “Date! Yes! Date. Date with Y/N. I am going on a date with Y/N.” Rory stills. “Wait, I’m going on a date with Y/N?! Sweet!” 

Luke’s jaw drops. “There must be a mistake,” he laughs. “She would never choose an idiot like you.” 

“And who would she choose… You?” Sarah ridicules.

Luke’s eyes flash yellow. “Well, thanks for the compliment. You don’t think I’m an idiot,” he replies. “Where is she?” He changes the topic.

“I-I think I saw her go home,” Clarissa chimes in.

Ethan and Sarah both avert their eyes to the girl. “You did?” Sarah glances at Ethan who undoubtedly thinks the same thing. 

“Yep!” Clarissa innocently smiles. “Why would I lie?” 

“Yeah, why would she lie?” Benny, oblivious of the situation, puts on the same smile Clarissa is sporting. “She’s new.” 

“Which means we know nothing about her,” Luke snarls. 

“Luke’s right!” Ethan confirms. 

“Is he?” Sarah’s voice goes a little higher, but on the inside she 100% agreed. 

“I’m going to go check on her,” Luke announces. 

“Why are you acting like you care about her?” Sarah snickers. “I’m coming with you.” 

“Sarah,” Ethan hisses, grabbing her wrist. Gasping when he makes contact. “I had a vision,” he confesses, letting go of her. “It’s urgent.” 

Sarah quickly glances at everyone before landing on Luke. “Just let us know if she’s there.” 

“Or how about you guys check after school?” Clarissa suggests. “And then if she’s not we can all help look for her--if missing of course. You don’t really want to miss school, do you?” 

Luke bursts into laughter. “You really are new.” And just like that he’s gone. 

“Woah, where’d he go?” Clarissa scans the room. “What are you people? First we have witches, and wizards and now--” 

“Wait, how do you know that?” Ethan interrogates.

“Guys! Chill out, I filled her in on Y/N and I being ‘magical’.” Benny does the quotations. “And how Y/N was a little freaked out by her, but it’s all good.” 

“You told her what?!” Sarah feels her anger rise within her. 

Luke opens the window of Y/N’s room, entering it. “Hello?” he calls out. “Y/N?” 

The door swings open, exposing Grandma on the other side. “Thank God, you’re here.” She runs to grab his arm. “She doesn’t have much time.” 

“What’s going on?” 

She takes him to the basement where Y/N sat on the table, completely made of stone. “She appeared right here, like this, not too long ago, but long enough where we’re getting close to the effects being permanent.” 

“What happened?” Luke walks up to Y/N.

“Medusa, or descendants. Has there been any odd behavior around the school? Or perhaps a new face?”  

Luke perks up. “Yes, there’s a new girl. A little weird, and--” 

“Tell me everything you know, and while you’re doing that, mix this up for me.” She hands him a bowl. “Hurry!” 

Sarah and Ethan continue to sit where they’ve been sitting for the last ten minutes. “How are we going to fix this?” Ethan asks.

Sarah scrunches her face when she realizes Ethan was actually asking for an answer from her. “Don’t ask me, this is not my area of expertise.” 

“If we don’t figure it out soon, you’ll turn to stone.” 

“I’m a vampire, Ethan, I don’t think that’s even possible.” 

“Well, you’re not a full vampire, maybe it’s different,” he disputes. “Look, I know what I saw, and I saw you turn to stone.” 

“So, what do we do?” 

Ethan stops again to think. “We… We need to use her own power against her,” he concludes. “But, we need Benny’s help.”

“Y/N said he’s under her spell, how are we going to take him out of it?” Sarah voices her concerns. “This would be so much easier if Y/N was here. Where is Luke? I knew we couldn’t trust him.” 

“Forget him, we have to figure it out on our own.” 

“I’m just--I’m worried. Y/N hasn’t just vanished like this before.” 

Ethan chuckles. “You obviously haven’t known her for as long as I have.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Ethan inhales through his nose. “We were all best friends when we were kids, it was always me, Y/N, and Benny versus the world. We thought she was crazy when she spoke about her being a witch, and having magical powers. But, she was still our best friend.” He frowns. “Then she left, and never came back. We never got an explanation as to why. She was seven and we were five… And, yet, we remember those days like they were yesterday, and then of course she randomly pops up out of nowhere ten years later. Knowing all of this stuff about me, vampires, magic, it just doesn’t make any sense.” 

“Well, she’s back now, you can get answers. Trust me, I’m just as curious as you for some things when it comes to her…” 

“Have you guys seen Clarissa?” Benny asks. “I haven’t been able to find her.” 

“What?” Ethan stands up. “She’s gone?” He looks at Sarah in alarm. “Benny, okay, I need you to understand this… Clarissa is Medusa, or descendant, or the same species..” 

Benny doesn’t move at first. “Funny, but seriously can you guys help me?” 

The lights flicker. “That’s not good,” Sarah thinks out loud. 

“Benny we’re telling you the truth, I had a vision, and Y/N she--” 

“She put you up to this. She was acting weird earlier. Where is she by the way?” 

“You won’t be seeing a lot from her anymore,” Clarissa’s voice echoes through the halls. 

“Is it just me… Or are we the only ones in the school right now?” Benny searches for any signs of life around them. 

“That’s your question?!” Sarah hisses. “Didn’t you hear what she said about Y/N?” 

“She’s probably just trying to scare us,” Ethan excuses. “We can’t make assumptions.” 

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you guys, we don’t know if Clarissa is--Oh my God!” Benny makes direct contact with the lockers' reflection of Clarissa, snakes floating around her head. “Run!” 

Clarissa apparates in front of them. “Don’t look her in the eyes,” Ethan advises.

“No duh, Ethan!” Benny shouts. 

The locker doors slam open around them. “How is she doing this?” Sarah covers her eyes.

“I’m guessing Y/N’s ring,” Benny guesses. 

“How do we stop her if we can’t see her?” 

“Maybe I can help,” another voice declares. 

“Y/N?!” Sarah calls out. “Where have you been?” 

“I was stuck in a… Situation. But, Luke helped me.” Y/N smiles at Luke. 

“Bring it, now!” Grandma orders. Luke hands it to her. “Stand back.”

“What do you need me to do?” Luke asks, taking a step away from Y/N and Grandma. 

Grandma meets his concerned eyes. “Be there for her when she comes back… It won’t be pretty.” She holds up the potion pouring it all around Y/N’s body. “Here we go.” She internally prayed this would work, especially with Luke watching. She begins to mumble some words incoherently, a bright light coming from her hands. 

“It’s working,” Luke blurts in relief, when the grey stone starts to break off exposing skin. 

“AH!” Y/N screams when most of her upper body is free. She notices the way her hands were still stone, panic rising. 

Luke doesn’t hesitate his arms around her neck, settling her head in the crook of his neck. “You’re okay, it’s okay, you’re alright,” he assures, softly into her ear. Y/N can feel her fingers break free, gripping onto his shirt. “Shhh…” He runs his fingers through her hair. 

Grandma weakly smiles, slowly backing away from them, to leave them alone.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N asks when her cries settle down.

He pulls away, wiping the last fallen tears from her cheeks. “You went missing, and the rest were worried. I took it upon myself to… Find you. I also heard you were going on a date with Rory and I--” 

“Wait! So, Clarissa is at the school with my friends… ALONE?!” 

Y/N’s expression turns stern. “Now Clarissa, how about you do us all a favor and give me my ring back.” She moves close to Luke. “Take the rest, and hide.” 

“What? No. I’m not gonna protect some losers, and that would include me touching them…”  

Y/N takes a deep breath, breaking her stance to hold the bridge of her nose. “Luke, I swear to God I will go back in time and stab you in the heart myself if I have to if you don’t listen to me.” It goes silent. Yes, even Clarissa didn’t move a muscle. “Got it?”

Luke simply nods. 

“Back to business now.” 

“Magical contacts,” Clarissa states more than questions. “Smart.” 

Y/N shrugs carelessly with a smirk. “Learn from the best.” In less than a minute it was just her and Clarissa alone in one of the many creepy hallways of the school. “Now my ring.” She holds out her hand. “It’s not going to give you what you want.” 

“And how do you know exactly what I want?” Clarissa snaps. 

“It’s dangerous for someone not trained to use it, I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Clarissa scoffs. “How are you going to do anything without this?” She points to the ring that rightfully belongs to Y/N. “You’re nothing without it.” 

Those words rang in Y/N’s mind. “That’s not true.” 

“Oh, but I think it is.” With a wave of Clarissa’s hand, Y/N goes flying back. “And with this ring I’m everything.”

Y/N winces as she stands. “You’re just going to hurt yourself.”

“Not a chance.” Another lifeless throw of Clarissa’s fingers Y/N falls to the floor. “See? Can’t even dodge a simple spell. You’re useless, and pathetic. It’s a miracle you can even call yourself a witch.” 

“See?” Y/N mocks Clarissa’s tone. “That’s where you’re wrong.” She stands up, strong. “I’m no witch.” She closes her eyes, the adrenaline coursing through her veins, a certain friction being felt at her fingertips. She elegantly moves as though she is a flower in the wind, building up a bundle of energy at the palm of her hands. 

“I could’ve said that,” Clarissa laughs. “You know, I never thought someone like you could befriend so many vampires.” Y/N bites her lip to keep from distracting herself away from the task. “Who was that one… The one you arrived with. Seems quite special to you. With this ring, vampires will never be immune to my power, nor will any other supernatural when I learn how to get past your little spells. I will make you feel the pain I felt… Starting with that boy.” 

When Y/N opens her eyes it sends a shock wave towards Clarissa. What used to be her dark brown eyes are now a violent shade of purple. “Oh… There is no spell,” Y/N’s voice comes out more deep and demonic. “This--” She gestures to herself, “--is all me.”

“Uhhh…” Clarissa stumbles back.

“Told you I’m no witch.” Y/N creeps up to her. “And I’d watch what you say very carefully.” 

“It’s not poss--” 

Y/N raises up her hand, Clarissa following as she leviates in the air. The lockers that were open around them began to crumple. “Oops… I meant that to be you.” 

“AH!”

Sarah, Benny, Ethan, and Luke become startled by the sound of screaming. “What was that?” Sarah asks, slightly scared.

“Was that Y/N?” Benny starts to stroll towards the school. “We need to help her!” 

Luke harshly grabs his shoulder. “If we’re going to go in there we’ll need these.” He presents the clear contacts to the group. “They’ll block out her magic.” Luke’s thoughts drift off to earlier. 

“What do you need me to do?” Luke asks, taking a step away from Y/N and Grandma. 

Grandma meets his concerned eyes. “Be there for her when she comes back… It won’t be pretty.”

“Let’s go,” Sarah says. “Luke?!” 

Grandma takes his wrist before he follows Y/N out of the house. “Be there for her.” 

“What?” 

“Be there for her when she comes back from the fight,” Grandma guides, vaguely. “She can’t control it.” 

“Control what?” 

“Her emotions… Her powers… Her alter ego,” she explains. “The night she saved you, the night she almost killed Sarah, who do you think that was?”

Luke shakes the odd feeling off. Running after the rest. 

“Please, help me!” Clarissa pleads. 

“Who would ever help you? You’re a monster. You kill people with no remorse. What makes you more worth saving than anyone you’ve murdered?!” Y/N grabs a hold of the girl's wrist. “This belongs…” She plucks the ring off of her with magic. “To me.” Carefully sliding it down her own finger without touching it once. Y/N moves her grip to both Clarissa’s shoulders. “How about I show you the pain you caused?” Her eyes grow brighter as she clearfully shouts sinful spells at Clarissa. The snakes that make up her hair cower in fear as her body becomes more and more weak in Y/N’s hands.

“Y/N!” Ethan yelps. “What are you doing?” 

“Dealing with the enemy,” she answers.

Clarissa allows the tears to fall from her eyes. “Don’t do this! I’m sorry.” Y/N ignores the girl’s cries, and wails. 

“Y/N, you need to stop this.” Luke tries to get her attention. 

Y/N lets out a dark chuckle. “That’s what they tell her, right? To stop this side of her, to hide, well not anymore, not while I’m around will allow her to bury me once more in her pureness,” she pauses. “They will all. Feel. My. WRATH!” 

With a blinding flash of light everything went quiet. 

Everyone opens their eyes to find Y/N lying limp on the ground. “Y/N!” Her friends rush to her aid, huddling around her.

“Wake up.” Luke cups her face, patting her cheek gently. “Wake up, wake up, wake up,” he repeats.

Y/N gasps, her eyes fluttering open. “Guys? Wh-What happened?” 

“You don’t remember?” Ethan asks.

Y/N shakes her head. “No, I just remember Clarissa and--” She cuts herself off, looking around. “Where’s Clarissa?” 

They hear a squeak behind them. 

They turn their heads, Y/N lifting hers to see the damage she caused. “Oh my God!” she shrills when she sees a small snake on the floor. “What have I done?” She scrambles away from the group, going over to what she believed was Clarissa. “I have to fix this.” She picks up the snake.

“Y/N--” 

“Please,” she sobs. “I’ll fix this. I promise I will.” She sets the snake down, taking a deep breath. “I can fix this,” she tells herself. Her arms lift up gracefully, as she moves them around, almost like a dance. A soft breeze brushes everyone coming around to where Y/N sat. “Mmm… Mmm…” She hums a melody. “Water, Earth… Fire, and Ice, I bring thee together to create a new light,” she sings angelically. “Water, Earth… Fire and Ice reverse what I’ve done… Take in the curse and disperse it with love. Reverse the curse and I’ll pay back for what I’ve done…” A warm light glows from Y/N’s hands illuminating the snake that transforms back into the shape of a human. 

Clarissa opens her eyes, sitting up. A trail of long, golden blonde hair follows. “You did it.” She smiles. “You broke the curse.” She wraps her arms tightly around Y/N. “Thank you.” 

Y/N hugs the girl back.

Hiss! 

They pull away from each other. “Oh! I think you have…” Y/N points at the top of her head.

Clarissa reaches up to grab the small snake. “I guess someone had a curse to be broken too.” Her eyes meet Y/N’s. “Thank you, once again.” She giggles. “Sorry I stole your ring, and turned you to stone” 

“What?!” Ethan, Benny, and Sarah exclaims.

“Old news,” Luke mutters. 

“And sorry Benny about the spell I put on you.” 

Benny blinks a few times. “A spell?!” 

“I owe you my life,” Clarissa says.

Y/N waves it off. “You don’t owe us anything. You’re free now, so be free.” 

Clarissa, and Y/N stand up. “Then I must go… Find my parents.” 

Y/N’s eyes light up. “I might have something for that.” Y/N looks around, twirling her finger around to make--

“A compass?” Clarissa questions.

“This is an enchanted compass, think about what you’re trying to find and it’ll take you right to them,” Y/N explains, handing it to her. 

“I was wrong about you,” Clarissa starts. “I thought the ring made you who you are, but… It turns out it’s your heart that makes you everything…” She vanishes.

“Wh-where’d she go?” Ethan looks at Y/N confused.

“To where her parents are.” Y/N smiles. 

The sun shines through the windows, the bells of the school ringing as people walk out of the classrooms. “Where were you guys?” Rory asks. “You missed fifth period.” 

Everyone glimpse at each other’s reactions. “Magic is seriously weird,” Sarah comments. 

“You tell me,” Ethan agrees.

“I already knew,” Y/N admits. 

“When will I get one of those rings?” Benny questions. “I mean… I am a warlock too, and yet why can’t I do all the cool stuff you can do?” 

Y/N laughs. “I don’t know if I would call it cool, but…” She looks at Luke who hasn’t been able to look away from her since she woke up. 

“Are you okay?” 

Y/N is taken aback by his question. “I will be,” she answers, truthfully. “Thanks for being there for me.” 

“Why are they looking at each other like that, when Y/N and I are supposed to be going out on a date?” Rory thinks out loud.

Hearing only the last part of it Y/N looks at him in alarm. “What did I hear about me going out on a date with you?” She gapes at Sarah and Ethan who appear guilty.

“Was that Erica?” Sarah dramatically points the opposite way of them. “I was wondering where that girl was… Gotta go!” 

Ethan stands there awkwardly, as Sarah runs away. “Did Sarah just call for me to come with? I think she did, buh-bye!” 

And so there were three. “So? When is that da--” 

Rory gets cut off by Luke hissing at him. “It’s a no from her loverboy,” Luke bickers. “Leave it.” 

Rory pouts, but genuinely frightened by Luke, paces away. “It’s been a long day, I think I’m gonna go home.” Y/N runs a hand through her hair. “See you later, ‘kay?” She walks off.

Benny was left confused when the direction of her words was towards Luke and not him.

Taglist (Comment If You Want To Be Add, be specific if you just want to be added for this series or Luke Patterson in general):

@lovesanimals @charliegillespiewife @wanniiieeee

[twigwing]

major spoilers for orv chapters 119, 277, 282, 305, 455, 488, other chapters. seriously don’t look at this if you aren’t done reading the novel lmao

thinking a lot about the ways kim dokja interacts with people in regards to vulnerability again. i would have to reread the entire novel with the goal of looking for and bookmarking that stuff specifically to really get to the meat of it all cuz it’s like, a major part of his character, but from the things i have observed and can re-find easily he makes me feel very. Augh. a moment that’s so important to me is when you first really get into his backstory, it’s delivered to us via him confiding in yoo sangah. big moment!! but he doesn’t like... entirely choose to do so actually? ysa just happened to overhear him angrily talking with his mother and she just happened to not leave it alone, so he caved because he was already all worked up about it and she was willing to listen

wow this got really long and has little to no structure uhhh [cuts it]

like. (text bolded by me for emphasis)

Disgusting. Now she wanted to act like a mother. Too many rivers had been crossed to go back now.

I couldn't bear it anymore and stood up. "That's right. I think that fiction is like reality. Why? It is because I have always been living that way."

"…"

"Maybe it seems pathetic to you. However, know this. At least I didn't sell 'reality as fiction' like you did."

I left the tent with these last words. Cool air entered my coat's collar and reached my body. I looked in front of me and saw the slightly startled Yoo Sangah.

"I-I'm sorry… Dokja-ssi was late…"

It was difficult. No, rather than difficult… It was shameful.

"Do you think it is strange? Why are a mother and son talking like that?"

"That's not true."

She was lying. It was extremely strange.

"Do you want to know?"

Yoo Sangah's eyes shook for a moment. "…If you don't mind."

I smiled bitterly. Yes, now was the time to talk.

and i think it’s really important that ysa is the one who got to hear it directly from him first because she seemed to earnestly want to get to know him at the company. she at least didn’t leave him alone (or worse, antagonize him) the way so many others did. she would make an effort to say hi to him and try interacting with him she rly saw his miserable detached-from-the-world self and was like “this guy looks painfully lonely. i will friend him” it’s good. she is one of the very few people that knew kdj before the scenarios and not just knowing of him but was actively around him in his space trying to connect (ch 2, ch 371) and still continued to approach him earnestly during the scenarios (though it eventually got more and more difficult. due to the [gestures at the novel] everything)

anyway with the trauma dumping. he’s so like. mean about it. it really really genuinely feels like someone carrying such a deep pain who has reached a limit just saying anything to alleviate some of the ache no matter how much it hurts them or the listener and the narration even says as much. he’s not the composed business-like yjh-emulating scenarios-era kim dokja right now. he’s just someone who is actively aching and ysa is just the one who is there with him for it. like i’ve had this type of conversation from both sides before and it sucks and no one is all that happy about it but still it’s happening

"I thought it was quite well-known at the company. Yoo Sangah-ssi didn't know?"

There was no answer from Yoo Sangah. She had belatedly realized that she had touched a wound she shouldn't have touched.

"Do you feel even stranger now? What she did was illegal, but you are wondering why I would hate my mother for that."

"No! I'm not Dokja-ssi so I don't fully understand…"

"Honestly, do you think I should forgive her?"

Yoo Sangah couldn't say anything. It couldn't be helped. The touched wound had already burst.

"Dokja-ssi…"

"My relatives also said this. My mother is a murderer. How dare she slip her face into the newspapers?"

Yoo Sangah wanted to say something but I kept going.

"It was a bit hard because of this. No, it was hard for a long time."

"…"

I didn't want an answer. I didn't want her to understand in the first place. Maybe this was the ugliest form of violence I could do against Yoo Sangah, who grew up in a well-off family. It was an arbitrary display of unhappiness forced onto someone who would never understand.

The kind Yoo Sangah would grieve knowing that it was impossible for her to understand. I laughed at the unknown sense of victory. "I'm sorry. It was a joke."

and then like, kdj clearly being so worked up over it and then going actually it was a joke!! nevermind!!! and he calms down because she just... silently holds his hand...

"It was a lie. Were you fooled? Do you think there is a novel like this? My mother and I are ordinary people and my father had an accident when I was young…"

Then something small and soft gripped my hand. The texture was so warm that I forgot what I was about to say. For a while… I stopped walking.

Yoo Sangah wasn't looking at me. Thus, I wasn't looking at her either. We walked hand in hand without facing each other. It was as if this alone was sufficient. Strangely, my heart gradually calmed.

[The exclusive skill, 'Fourth Wall' is shaking faintly.]

Perhaps it was due to the realistic body temperature.

this is probably the first time anyone has ever actually listened to him, without ulterior motives or nasty presumptions. the first time anyone has taken his pain this seriously. the first time anyone has reached out this way. and like, in a way it sucks that ysa was steamrolled, it would’ve been nice to hear what she wanted to say to him, but i think there wasn’t any other way this exchange could have happened? i don’t think he would have listened to anything ysa could possibly say to him. she said it herself, she doesn’t understand him! and i think anything she could’ve said may have just made him more worked up and he probably would’ve done something really stupid out of some misplaced sense of emotional revenge. early on when it comes to his mom/past he can get Mean even when it isn’t the whole of how he truly feels (ch 172)

My mother was silent for a moment. The silence cheered me up a bit. The fact that my mother expected me to love her and the idea that I could hurt her feelings excited me.

and then later, in ch 277, again with yoo sangah

I looked up at the sound of knocking and saw Yoo Sangah watching me from the door. "I'm sorry Dokja-ssi. Am I disturbing you?"

"No. I called you."

he reached out to her first! but...

We silently faced each other across the small table. I called her but I couldn't easily bring up the topic. Yoo Sangah must have many questions for me as well. I told her, "Just ask."

"In fact, I've been thinking about Dokja-ssi for quite some time." Her tone sounded like she had been waiting. "Why do you know the future that others don't know? How could you be so calm in such situations and always find answers that others haven't thought of?"

"Then did you find out something?"

"I seem to know some things while others don't feel right."

Perhaps Yoo Sangah had been studying me. Just as she studied Spanish with the app, Yoo Sangah would've studied people. As always, she reached meaningful results before anyone else.

[about some constellations and their ■■ implying ‘end’] “Now… Dokja-ssi has become one of them." Yoo Sangah was staring at me with complicated eyes. Her trembling eyes held feelings that she herself couldn't measure.

I replied, "It is a good thing."

"…It is good?"

"Now I can finally try something." I smiled. However, Yoo Sangah didn't smile back.

"After the destruction of the world, I thought Dokja-ssi was happier. You laughed more often than before and seemed more vigorous… thus, you looked good. By the way…" Yoo Sangah bowed her head. "Dokja-ssi, why do you think this world is fiction?"

Yoo Sangah didn't know me. What was 'fiction' to me? What did this world mean to me? I couldn't explain or describe it.

"Ah, I'm sorry Dokja-ssi. I was presumptuous…"

Nevertheless, the only person who could tell me such things was Yoo Sangah. She was a person who noticed things that nobody cared about.

...and then it’s heavily implied then later confirmed in ch 282 he outright tells her he’s going to sacrifice himself for them again, and that he’ll leave them in her care

"Sangah-ssi, what's going on?"

"Huh? Ah, yes. It's nothing.

Yoo Sangah, who was staring blankly into space, reacted with surprise. Her pupils were empty. Jung Heewon realized that something was strange [...]

I heard the cries of the party members and told them the necessary stories. Really. I really only told them what they needed.

[Please live.]

My head tickled as horns emerged from it. My back was sore from the wings. I could hear the screams of Jung Heewon and cries of Lee Hyunsung. The children reached out for me. Yoo Sangah, who heard the story from me in advance, couldn't take her eyes off me while crying. Yoo Sangah would do things well.

orv puts a lot of emphasis on how hard it is to reach out to people in both the physical and emotional sense and it makes me Explode. from ch 488 specifically

[...] In this world where only victims existed, no, a world where the wounds of the victims were in full display, here was the lone hand full of scars extending out to her.

⸢Kim Dokja was already extending his hand out from there.⸥

It wasn't just the person reaching out, but the one grasping that hand also required courage to do so.

Courage to hold that scarred hand, courage not to give up.

Even if she knew this wouldn't heal her, even if she knew that holding that hand would only inflict her with a greater wound – courage to hold that hand in order to live for one more time.

⸢Some salvations aren't completed by the one giving them out, but by those receiving them.⸥

[HOWLING LIKE A WOUNDED BEAST]

anywayyyyy. something i really love about kdj in particular is that he does actually seem to be a guy who likes affection. physical touch is comforting, and he expresses enjoying being fussed over and cared for (ch 305, occasionally during the JTTW remake (WHICH I COULD TALK AT LENGTH ABOUT THE THINGS HE THINKS ABOUT DURING THAT ARC MY GOD.), other times but i forget them atm cuz they’re usually passing moments). ultimately what he lacks most isn’t the desire/want/need, because he has plenty of that, but the courage

i’m also unsure how much of this thought/observation is him baseline vs him in scenarios (though i would assume he was the same due to the fact he worked minimum wage jobs since he was a teen and then the getting further ground to dust by life) but one of his issues seems to be like. believing there isn’t time or space for certain things? like in ch 305 when they forced him to take a nap he went “sweet” cuz he decided there was enough time for that

「 In fact, he could wake up anytime he wanted but Kim Dokja didn't do this. 」

Thus, I decided to be the audience of the play.

「 For the first time since the fall began, Kim Dokja slept comfortably. 」

It was the first time I felt this way. My heart was always impatient. Now I could be protected by someone. There were people I could trust.

–Take a break, Dokja-ssi.

…Yes, there was still some time until the 46th scenario. The moment I made up my mind, a full sleep came over me.

but then when they forced him to take an actual everyone kick back relax break in ch 455+ he was like What The Fuck. What The Fuck. because he decided there wasn’t ANY time for that we have a big scenario JUST around the corner

"Just what is going on…?"

"This is the workers' revolution, dumbass."

"Okay, you've been harping on about a revolution and whatnot for a while now, but…"

"Argh, I just want to take a damn break. Do I need to spell it out for you??"

I frowned after she berated me.

Taking a break?

"What are you talking about? Don't you know what era we're in right now?"

"What era are we in, then?"

I wasn't sure what to say when she retorted back like that. What did she mean by 'what' era we were in?

[Currently, the Nebula <Kim Dokja's Company> possesses the qualification to enter the Final Scenario.]

[Remaining time to enter the scenario is: 28 days, 12 hours, 15 minutes and 7 seconds.]

28 DAYS LMFAO kdj get off the grind!!!! go lay down!!!!!!!

idk this is really rambling and disjointed i just like him. i’m a kim dokja love account i’m gonna tie him to a chair and feed him room temperature soup just the way he likes it. you are loved (threat)

[cloudy-leonhart]

DID I SEE YOU WANT ANGST REQUESTS???

i gotchu mamacita🙊🙊

Alrighty so;

After an expedition, Levi’s (crush or s/o, whichever you want) was reported missing. Of course, he felt so useless that he wasn’t near you so he can make sure you get back to the walls safely. He did care about deeply, more than anyone else he was close with, it was like he knew you two were soulmates ya’know? Levi sent out many MANY soldiers, and Erwin wasn’t going to stop him. He knew why Levi was doing this. But what he didn’t know, was that Levi’s heart was slowly tearing into many, dozens of pieces. Many soldiers wanted to go back to the walls, since they have families. Levi didn’t care and tells them to keep searching. They would not return until they found his (crush / s/o). on the third day. They have finally found you. Levi was shocked, yet happy they’ve found you. They took you back to the wall. You had to be taken to the infirmary. But little did Levi know. You died two days earlier. When Levi found out. His heart was completely teared. Levi was different, and he would never be the same.. he cared about you, he loved you.. now you’re gone.

I SUCK AT PLOTS, BUT HOPEFULLY YOU’LL TAKE THIS😭👩🏼‍⚖️/ anyways have a good day/night. Take care of yourself mwah

oh and;

happy hange :D

Levi’s just; 🧍🏻

Holy- well- break my heart why don’t you :D I’m going to edit around the plot a bit, instead of waiting, let’s just say they couldn’t find Reader’s body just yet, and I will also make this a harder pill to swallow with.. unrequited love.

---

We Never Stood A Chance. (Levi x Reader ft. Erwin)

Summary: Levi felt so stupid for leaving you behind, he thought you were with him, he thought he could’ve saved you, he thought that maybe he’ll be able to keep you away from the horrid creatures of the world you were both born in, but you guys never stood a chance.

Pairings: Levi x Reader, A SMUDGE of Erwin x Reader.

Female Reader.

Recommended Song: The One That Got Away. - Katy Perry.

Theme: Angst, Canonverse.

TW: Death, injuries, blood, swearing, fighting, aggressive behaviour. 

“Damn it!” Levi kicked his desk, making a prominent dent into the oak wood. He took deep breaths, anger running through his veins. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!!” He repeated over and over again, punching the stone wall of his office, almost being able to make a crack into it.

He should’ve checked if you were there before going back to the walls, god knows what happened to you while they left you there, he felt a shiver creep his back, as he clicked his tongue, pacing his room out of anger and worry.

A bang from his door was heard as his gaze quickly focused themselves to the noise, hoping, begging, it was you who stood in the doorframe. He doesn’t care if you were dirty, just you. It has to be. Instead, he made contact with Erwin’s angered expression, the blonde’s jaw was clenched, as he took big strides getting closer to Levi’s unresting figure. 

Erwin’s hands balled up the fabric of Levi’s shirt, the blonde looking like he had steam coming from out his ears, “You lost her?!” Levi grunted pulling away from Erwin’s touch, angry. 

“Get your dirty hands off of me,” He spat at Erwin’s face, glaring straight at the blonde’s blue orbs, an unexplainable anger burning in Levi’s eyes. Erwin was angered, he couldn’t control himself and had punched Levi straight in the face, the black-haired captain grunting and falling back against his desk.

The room stayed quiet for a few moments, their heavy breaths and the droplets of blood into a puddle were the only sounds they could hear. “I’m not going to deny that I lost her during the retreat, but soldiers are already out there searching for her.”

Levi grumbled, pulling his cravat from out of his neck, he clicked his tongue, seeing the trail of blood stains, and deciding to use it to wipe the blood away from his face, which was scowled in disgust.

“And don’t care for her now, you didn’t care then, that’s why she chose me.” Erwin shut his eyes in denial as he started to walk away. “The survey corps-” Levi stopped him from answering any further. “The survey corps is more important than personal affairs. I get it.” Levi looked straight at Erwin’s retreating figure.

“How dumb do you have to be, choosing the same option twice, first, Marie. Then, Reader.” Levi took a jab at Erwin, the blonde’s fist tightened, stopping him from beating the life out of the captain. “You don’t get it.” He couldn’t make up a defence against Levi, knowing that he did feel dumb, choosing the same thing rather than being selfish.

“I do get it, being stubborn is going to get you killed. Reader loved you too, you know,” Levi threw the cravat on his desk as he sucked in a breath, his nose aching in pain. “If I hadn’t been there, she would’ve probably died in your arms.” He spat out every insult in his mind, slowly breaking down Erwin’s lies. 

Erwin opened his mouth, his throat running dry, not being able to respond to Levi’s words, knowing it’s true. Before he could ever say anything, a soldier had barged in, a bit shocked at the heavy tension the soldier was faced with. 

“Captain Reader, she’s been found-” A heavy push has stopped the soldier from talking, Erwin watched as Levi left with haste.

---

Running into the hall, Levi didn’t have anything on his mind besides you, he wants to know if you’re okay, if you were breathing, if you were alive. He made turns around the headquarters, his chest heaved up and down, signalling his erratic breath.

He stopped in front of the infirmary’s curtains. He regained his breath, his hand took hold of the rough fabric of the curtain and pushed it aside, seeing the busy nurses running around like crazy. Various doctors and nurses worked on different, injured cadets. Their uniforms covered in blood stains, the nurses no longer knew who’s blood on their uniform was who’s.

Levi paid no attention to the crowd of nurses and doctors and peeked on their patients, some he knew, some he didn’t. He was just looking for you, for your face. He didn’t care whether he’d be dirtied with the messes in the infirmary.

He looked and looked, went through the same rows over and over, making sure he didn’t miss a single cadets, he thought you were here, was the cadet lying to him? you were not in any of the infirmary beds.

He internally panicked as he went to leave the room, the stench of blood reaching his nose, when a hand came to hold his shoulder, he froze and turned around, making eye contact with a doctor, the man had a grim expression, which made Levi’s stomach curl. 

“Mr. Ackerman. Follow me.” His voice laid low, his eyes flickering from the ground to his face, he felt compelled to follow, but did so either way. They passed the injured cadets, walking to another part of the infirmary, it was way more noisy compared to the area where nurses and doctors were working.]

The doctor came in, his hand making a ‘come here’ motion to him, the doctor’s figure disappearing into the room, Levi felt a shiver run down his spine, he took hold of the curtain and entered, being faced with crying families, and deceased cadets. 

Levi stopped, taking a step back. He looked around, a tight feeling starting to surface in his body, he stitched the loud cries easily to people around him, he shook his head, wanting to retreat back into his office when a hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Mr. Ackerman.” The same doctor called out, Levi’s head whipped around, a perplexed look on his face.

His steel blue eyes looked for a motive on why he was being brought here, he looked into the doctors eyes, searching for clues on reading this man’s purpose.

The doctor no longer waited for a response, dragging Levi by the upper arm, the black-haired captain still baffled, confused and getting a little claustrophobic. The doctor stopped at a certain closed curtained spot way in the back of the infirmary. He looked at Levi and gave him a pat on the shoulder, before leaving.

Levi was still confused, what does the doctor want to show him? His hands pulled at the curtain, entering and closing the curtain, so that whatever this is, nobody could see. He could see a body outline on the sheet of the bed, a throbbing pain started to pound in his chest, walking up to the body.

He ignored the throbbing pain, taking hold of the sheet by the corner, with each second he used to uncover this dead body, the pain worsened, as if it’s telling him not to, or he’s going to regret it. Levi grunted and pulled the cover away.

His breath was caught on his throat, it was you. The one person he came to the infirmary for. He could feel his chest pounding extremely hard, as if someone had shot him in the chest, or stabbed a knife in his back, he held the dusty night table as a support, feeling his legs start to go jelly-like. His eyes were widened.

He couldn’t believe his eyes, it wasn’t you, it couldn’t be, he wouldn’t forgive himself if it’s you. He could never live with himself happily, he promised he’d protect you. His eyes widened for a few moments before it relaxed, not finding the energy to cry, scream, even to be angry.

Another person had entered the area, and from the expensive cologne, he could tell it was Erwin. Levi didn’t bother acknowledging him as he sat on the edge of the bed, caressing your pale skin, his thumb ran across the dry lips, blood decorated your used-to-be rosy lips, he sighed, it was probably painful when you died, painful and lonely. 

“Levi..” Erwin called out softly, standing by him, both of them silently mourning over your dead body, Erwin’s hand tightened around Levi’s shoulder silently, he felt his eyes stinging, as he pushed aside the quarrel they both had in Levi’s office. 

“She was strong you know,” Levi mumbled, his eyes grazing over your pale and discoloured body, your hair looked faded and grey, no longer shining, “if I had to pick someone, who’d survive being left outside the walls, I would’ve picked her.” a small pathetic chuckle left after Levi’s sentence. “But, I guess I was wrong, seeing as she didn’t even last a few hours.” Levi pulled the bloodied stray hair from out of your face.

You looked peaceful at least, he knows it was painful. He hopes that you didn’t endure it long, you didn’t suffer, he hopes. Levi and Erwin mourned together, but their words stayed in their hearts, they both silently grieved, both scared of forgetting you. 

---

“Levi!” You jumped up and down, waving your hand like a maniac, a field surrounded you both, you ran towards the man you truly loved, and still do love. You jumped in his arms as his caught you, spinning around lightly. “What’s got you so happy this morning?” He asked, pulling you close, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

You laughed as your hands connected around his neck, your warm hands making shiver a bit. “Nothing, just you. That reminds me, let’s go on our picnic now, yeah?” You pulled away from him, walking down the hill, making sure you don’t tumble down and ruin your sundress, it would be a shame to go to a picnic in dirty clothing.

You both spent most of the morning laughing and telling stories to each other, the sun was beautiful as it started to set into the afternoon. Yours and Levi’s laughter had died down softly as you held the cup of juice in your hand, you looked over to Levi who you think was enjoying the view. 

“This is the longest you’ve ever slept, Levi.” You stated, swirling your cup of juice around. He hummed, looking over the field, scattered around you, daises and other types of flowers decorated the lush grass. “You picked the field again. Why not the corps headquarters?” You asked, Levi turned to you, making eye contact with you. Your eyes held curiosity for him.

“I guess, because that’s where I last saw you?” He more so sounded like he questioned rather than he stated. You smiled. “Levi,” You sat closer to him, face-to-face. “Don’t say it, please.” He softly begged, looking down. You grab hold of his chin, making him look at you, you made contact with the mechanical blue eyes you fell in love with.

“I can’t stay forever. Levi, you did your best.” Levi pulled away from your hand, “No, no I didn’t, I couldn’t do it. I promised and I broke it-” You sighed and took hold of his shoulders. “Levi, enough! You fulfilled your promise, you did do it, and you did one hell of a job at it. I’m so proud of you for doing so, Levi.” You held onto him as he clutched your dress in his palms, his teeth gritted, trying to accept that he did an amazing job protecting you.

“It’s okay, Levi. It’s okay, you can let go.” You comforted him, pulling him into you. He nuzzled his head into your neck, as he let out a sigh, trying to remember how you smelled. You were fading away from him, he wasn’t ready to let go.

The beautiful scenery started to grey, the world he tried so hard to envision living with you started to fade. “You’re waking up, Levi.” You mumbled, still holding him in your arms. “Please don’t go, I never begged in my life but I’m begging you to stay.” He held you closer and tighter as you smiled. “I’m never gone Lee..You can’t see me but I’ll always be with you,” You pulled him arms away, “It’s okay, it’s time to let go.” 

“Wait!-” Levi sat up abruptly, a cold sweat coating his body. His chest felt tight, his hand running through his hair as he tried to remember his dream, each time he dreamt of you, it was more real than the last one. 

He could feel something went coming down his face, his hand wiped at his cheek, a clear liquid on his hand, he was crying. He felt shocked, before he started to chuckle silently, you’re still affecting him even when you’re gone.

He pulled his covers out, he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to bed, and so like he always does, he went to make himself tea. He came back with two teacups, he walked towards the table in your former shared room with Levi. He placed the teacups facing each other. 

“You loved drinking my tea during this time, I hope you can still enjoy it, Reader.” Levi said, taking a sip of his tea as looked out the window, watching the sky turn into a midnight blue to a beautiful yellow. 

[taetaespeaches]

“You know that I would ruin myself over and over again for you.”

yoongi x reader (or oc) genre: angst word count: 2.2K

a/n: Here it is, lovelies. I feel like this is way too hyped but I hope you all get HEARTBROKEN... kidding, loves. This is the “illicit affairs” inspired fic off of Taylor Swift’s folklore. This takes place after “I thought you left” after Yoongi returns from Japan. I hope you all enjoy, and thanks for reading! :))

MINDLESSLY cleaning up your apartment, you almost didn’t register the ding of your phone, notifying you of a text. It wasn’t until the second ding, that you realized.

Reaching for the device, you could have swore your heart stopped upon reading his name on the screen.

Honey boy: We’re back. Can I see you?

You wanted to say no. You wanted to tell him to leave you alone. You wanted to stand up for yourself and tell him that he’s not allowed to treat you the way he did the past five days. You wanted to leave him in silence like he did you.

But you couldn’t.

You: You can come over tonight. Honey boy: 9 pm? You: That’s fine.

You were beginning to pity yourself even, holding onto this thing that never was. How pathetic.

As the next couple of hours passed before he was supposed to stop by, you nearly sent multiple texts telling him to stay away. Thirty minutes to nine, you started preparing yourself for the conversation you convinced yourself needed to happen. You would tell him if this is ever going to be something, he’s not allowed to promise communication while he’s away and then not follow through. You needed commitment.

Your anxiety was through the roof, your heart racing as 9 pm approached, and then, at 8:48 pm, there was a knock on your door. He was early?

Opening the door, you revealed a sorry looking Yoongi, dark circles under his eyes and his skin pale. His lips curved into a small smile as he greeted you, “Hey, Kid.”

That was all it took for you to wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug, his arms easily wrapping around your waist. And it wasn’t that the anger disappeared, but rather just didn’t matter in that moment.

You pulled him inside your apartment, Yoongi kicking the door closed before you kissed him with need. Yoongi slowed your actions by pulling away for a moment, holding your face in his hands as his eyes scanned your features.

“I missed you, you jerk,” you pouted, Yoongi giving you a sorrowful look.

“I’m sorry, Kid,” he whispered, casting his gaze to your feet. He didn’t look like himself. He looked like he was lost within himself. Compassion is a strong emotion. Strong enough to grant forgiveness sometimes, even if only temporary.

Gently, you took his hand and led him to your bedroom, letting go of his hand when you entered the room, walking to your dresser to grab a condom out of the box before making your way to your bed alone. You sat on the mattress and looked to Yoongi as he stood still in your doorframe.

“Come here,” you told him. He stared at you for a moment longer. He opened his mouth to speak, what you took as a protest, choosing to cut him off before he could begin. “Please.”

Yoongi took a deep breath before slowly starting toward you, you pulling your shirt over your head as he made his way across the room. He stood in front of you, allowing you to pull his pants off his body before he crawled on top of you, kissing you with passion. He stayed on top the whole time, holding your hand as he placed gentle kisses to your face.

It felt like an apology. And it was one you were willing to take. That is until it ended.

He rested beside you for a few minutes, running his fingertips over your arm and the side of your body, feeling the dips in your curves. It was nice. Comfortable. And you felt a sense of relief inside your stomach, easing the anxiety of the past few days. But then, he moved to get up.

“Where are you going?” Your tone laced in panic.

He didn’t look back at you as he pulled his bottoms onto his legs, his back facing you. You noted the expanse of it again, appreciating his smooth skin and toned muscles in contrast to the outline of his spine. And then the realization hit you that you were always seeing his back. You were always watching him leave, and you never knew when he’d return.

“I have to get back to the dorm, I told the guys I’d be home in a bit,” he told you. And something snapped inside you.

“They still don’t know about us?” You asked pointedly, Yoongi stalling his movements for moment before he stood to pull his underwear and jeans over his ass. Turning around, he looked at you as he zipped and buttoned his pants.

“I haven’t told them, no,” he started, glancing around the room for a moment to find his shirt. Spotting it, he looked back to you. “Hobi knows of you.”

“Is that why you didn’t contact me while you were in Japan? The boys being around?” You asked. There was the anger again.

“Between that and the busy schedule, yeah,” he confirmed, looking slightly guilty but mostly on the defense.  

You hummed, nodding. Yoongi walked the few feet to his shirt, scooping it up and looking at you as he held it in his grasp. “Hobi knows?” You asked.

“He knows I’ve been seeing you a bit,” he told you just before pulling the shirt over his head. With him fully dressed and you still naked in bed, you suddenly became aware of how vulnerable you felt. You pulled the comforter up around you, curling your legs against your chest.

“I told my coworker about you a couple days ago,” you told him, Yoongi looking at you curiously.

“Yeah?” The words were spoken out of genuine curiosity, as if he wanted to hear what you would have told your coworker about him.

“Yeah. She asked what we are, and I didn’t know how to answer,” you told him. You were preparing to fight, and you didn’t care anymore if it would ruin everything you’ve been clinging so tightly to.

“What do you mean?” He asked, his eyebrows pulling together.

“Well you’ve never given any indication of us being in a relationship, so I couldn’t call you my boyfriend, but it felt crude to call you a fuck buddy,” you told him, holding some venom in the final two words.

“You thought about calling me a fuck buddy?” He asked, anger now seeping into his usually gentle features.

“The thought crossed my mind.” Your tone was cold, and you knew it was. It was supposed to be.

“What the fuck?” He questioned angrily. “That’s what you think this is?” Any intention of leaving was now gone as he planted his feet, staring daggers at you from a few feet from the bed.

“I don’t know what this is, that’s the problem,” you informed him, standing up to find something to wear. You kept the blanket draped over you, your back to him as you spotted your clothes. “Sometimes I feel like you’re the one, and I didn’t even think that was a thing before I met you,” you admitted, pulling your underwear on. “But other times, I feel like I’m being used,” you said as you pulled your shirt over your head, “or that I’m just here for when you need-”

“Used?” He questioned, the word drenched in hurt.

“Ever since we started having sex, you started pulling away,” you told him, turning to look at him.

“That’s not true,” he shook his head, a mixture of disappointment and anger on his face.

“It is true,” you insisted. “Look at you right now,” you gestured to him, pointing out his fully dressed form as he prepared to leave after coming over for an hour to have sex. “What am I supposed to think?”

He looked down at himself before looking up at you again, desperately searching for words. “I didn’t come over here for sex, I came over because I missed you,” he told you, his face scrunched up. “You initiated this,” he gestured to the bed.

“Right, well excuse me for trying to feel close to you,” you pointedly retorted.

“You think we have to be having sex to feel close to me?” He asked. You could tell he was feeling a whirlwind of emotions but so were you.

You shrugged, staring at him. “You left me in complete silence.” You spoke the words in a quieter voice than you’d been using, and you watched as they penetrated his fragile shield of thick skin.

“I told you when we started this whole thing that it would be complicated,” he reminded you, you shaking your head. “I told you so many times, I warned you that I wouldn’t be able to give you a normal relationship.”

“I’m not looking for a normal relationship, Yoongi, I’m just looking for some consistency and some sort of” you searched for the word, “label, so I don’t feel like I’m making all this shit up,” you told him, tears forming in your eyes.

“Making what up?” He questioned, his voice quiet as he stared at you intently.

“How I feel about you, and how I thought you felt about me,” you admitted, a tear falling down your cheek before wiping it away quickly. You could have sworn Yoongi took a step toward you before deciding against it. “I feel fucking insane when I get so much affection and care from you one morning and then you’re gone for five days without a word. And then when you come back, I’m just supposed to act like your silence didn’t hurt?”

He stared at you for a moment, waiting for you to continue, and his continued silence made the whole fight hurt so much more.

“Just tell me what we are so I can at least put my guard up, because you have the power to completely break my heart,” you said as more tears fell, you groaning in frustration at the evidence of your pain, wiping them away aggressively.

“I warned you of all of this. You said you were capable of making your own decisions. You kept me around. You asked for this,” he said, regret immediately taking over his features.

“I asked for this?” You questioned angrily.

“That’s not what I meant,” he interjected.

“I didn’t ask to be treated like a convenient play-thing for when you need to get off, or like a fucking ego boost for when you’re feeling insecure or lonely,” you spat, knowing fully well that the words would hurt him.

“That’s not what this is though,” he told you sadly, the anger leaving him.  

“I guess I was wrong when I said I could handle the terms of this relation-whatever the fuck this is,” you corrected. “Because this is not working for me,” you told him, Yoongi’s eyes widening in what appeared to be panic. “I feel pathetic and taken advantage of, Yoongi, do you not see that?”

“I’m not taking advantage of you, Kid, jesus christ,” he defended, his tone defeated.

“Don’t call me that,” you sobbed. “Don’t call me that right now.” You visibly saw Yoongi take a sharp breath of air in. “Do you see me?” You asked, both of you staring at each other for a moment. “I’m a mess for you. And you know that I would ruin myself over and over again for you. And you’re just letting me do it,” you cried, wrapping your arms around your body.

Yoongi stared at you speechless, his eyes raking over every inch of you as he realized what you were saying. He was breaking you down, intentional or not.  

“I’m sorry,” he told you sincerely, backing away from you. “I-fuck I’m sorry.” Without another word, he turned around and made his way through your apartment, you following after him angrily.

“So that’s it? You’re walking away?” You asked through your tears, watching him as he grabbed your door knob.

“What do you want me to do?” He turned around to look at you, tears in his eyes. “I’m ruining you right?” You stared at each other, hopeless and directionless, both of you running through your history, trying to figure out where things could have been changed to avoid this exact moment from ever happening. “I just- I can’t give you more than this, baby.” You flinched at the term of affection, and he sighed. “As much as I want to give you more, I fucking can’t,” he told you, his voice shaking with emotion as the words left his lips.

The man in front of you was lost and confused, regret and heartbreak evident in his expression, his eyes tired and dark, his skin lack luster compared to its usual glow. You had all but told him to leave, but halfway out the door you felt betrayed that he was actually leaving.

It was a flaw of yours to use anger in times of hurt; to throw mean remarks instead of what you really wanted to say. And you put that on display with your next words.

“Make sure no one sees you leave. And heaven forbid your members see you come back flushed, better tell them you were out for a run,” you told him viciously. “We can act like we never happened,” you added quietly. Yoongi nodded slowly before exiting your apartment, closing the door quietly behind him, his clothed back being the last you saw of him.

[lovee-infected]

twisted wonderland theories part 3 : Opening explanation and parallels

Well well , hope you guys enjoyed reading the previous two parts of twst theories so far

Anyways , this is the third part . I decided to go through the opening and original disney animations and also black Butler anime references one more time so this is the combination of all I've found this time , together with some stuff you might've missed

Twst's official opening was pretty mysterious and is most likely giving us hints of the upcoming adventures during the storyline . Well here's the link to opening with eng sub and also the summary of the main character references that were given to us:

1) Ace and Deuce's rivalship : We talked about this one a lot back in (part 2) so let's skip this one

2) Leona's sadness and pain : Leona's tearn falling to the ground and the Ruggie and Jack coming for him ; that's just how he always is : mentally sad and broken with a horribly frustrating past , but will avoid expressing himself and letting anyone see his pain anyway . Not really weird that these two are always around him , Leona does really need to be looked after ...

3) Azul's seek of power : He just looked...mad in this scene . Ursula's shadow on his fave and that creepy smile totally freaks anyone out. It really explains how great his desire of power is . His neglected self in the childhood and pretty poor talent got him to this point...

4) Jamil's cold and kinda confused self : Well this one isn't really clear yet since ch 4 isn't out . But perhaps depression has this guy... spending his whole life serving the the nasty Kalim he might've grown the same characteristics as Jafar , who was so long sick of being the second one in everything . But still his ideal of life is much different from Jafar's . We saw him hypnotizing Kalim in order to make him force students to do better at school . He's trying his best to leave up to his promises as the vice dorm leader but still , having the nasty Kalim as the dorm itself is making it a lot harder for him so he's got no choice but to hypnotize him...

5) Idia's severe anxiety and his protectiveness toward Ortho : This one was mentioned in s rather old re blog but here e go again : Well with how the rumors of the "cursed Shroud family" , Idia's anti-society self might be a bit explained . This guy's overblot is surely going to be EPIC ... we just know very few about him and yet that's more than enough for him to overblot at once . Also the mention of the process of bringing Ortho back to life was a bad hit...His family curse might've been the reason of whatever thst has happened to Ortho

6) Vil's anger of not being the fairest and breaking the mirror: This one's been pointed out a lot . His anger being the same as evil queen's and also the fear of him actually poisoning someone to become the fairest one more time....**

7) Malleus' isolated self and his hidden evil aura : This one's being shown too obviously . The lonely dark prince exposing his evil side under the full moonlight . All alone , beyond the forest of thorns (Lol how ironic) while the others are running to save him before it gets too late...***

(note : **,***: Vil and Malleus' description will be continued undercut)

Very well these were the general hints found on the opening , but don't miss the final seconds which included the biggest hidden facts you could've missed

Firstly , the splitted ink (This one was previously discussed on part 1 but still...) : We talked about how in the "Epic Mickey", Mickey accidentally splits the magic ink over the kingdom and which led to the creation of "shadow blot". This sight seems to be much similar to what we had here in the epic mickey

Well this parallel might be more than just an accidental one and finally and it might actually be that overblot is kinda Crowley's fault , too

Crowley crosses the mirror , turns into an actual crow and flies away...(DaMn YoU bIrDiE wHERe ArE yOu gOinG I'M noT doNe YeT-)

Well the reason he suddenly runs away isn't clear yet but being a fan of black butler for years , I was suddenly reminded of how Undertaker disappeared all of a sudden at this scene from the movie :" Book of Atlantic "

pretty similar , aren't they..?

In Book of Atlantic , Undertaker revealed his original identity as a reaper and the mastermind behind the "Bizzare dolls' " project after pretending to be a just a crazy cookie lover for so long . And at once , he comes up with his stunning sudden self-reveal , leaving everyone in the room speechless

Now now , what do we have with Crowley?

A principal who keeps hiding his face (remember that Undertaker hid his eyes , too?) , telling everyone "how kind he is" many times ... also:

1) In the opening , he was standing smiling in the mirror hall while the seven dorms were burning through seven mirrors

2) He didn't ever try to stop anyone from overbloting ; even Riddle whose overblot occurred right in front of him

3) In the beggining of the game, he asked the mirror to choose the right one and then! and MC was chosen ! MC took the hand of the one appearing through the mirror (seemingly Dire Crowley) and came here. With all said , so why did the mirror reject MC afterwards?

Also , how couldn't he help MC return to Their own world and didn't know about it if he himself brought MC here..?(Could it be that...MC doesn't remember how she/he was brought here?)

4) If he literally is THIS useless and can't ever stop or help anything, then why would he be the principal.....?

Sooooo enough with Crowley ; but what's with these two....?

The spindle wheel & the poison apple ; Sleeping beauty and Snow white

Well it seems that Diasomnia and Pomefiore are going to play a greatly important role in the storyline . We were kinda sure of Diasomnia's but Pomefiore's...? What's so special with it?

(A few hours earlier)

(Me : Hmmm ... the black mirror...where have I seen this before..? *googling - searching Snow White- going to the magic mirror scene* Me : Uh...)

Well... here it is : The Crowley's beloved flower of evil , back at his days with evil queen

feeling old yet ...?

Btw , just how important is being "the fairest one of all "to him ? How 'far' would he go to be the fairest...? With the bitten apple in the last few seconds of opening , it most likely seems that he IS gonna 'kill' to be the fairest again ...Who would he kill ? We don't know . But how about our pretty small guy Epel? Could it be him ? The stubborn freshman who refuses following Vil around and is usually mistaken with a girl......?

Also , why would the original mirror be so important to Crowley? If Vil's supposed to represent evil queen , why isn't 'he' the one owing the mirror...?

And now , the spindle wheel .Great maleficent's legacy , in the hands of Crowley...Well well this is 'too' much . Malleus' family treasure being kept hidden in NRC... pathetic

Also , the mirror which Vil broke in the opening . Well well seems like he isn't having the original magic mirror , afterall....

But wait , if there's the spindle wheel , who's gonna be the evil witch to pull the sweet princess to eternal sleep..? Right , there's only one who might be...

Well we talked about all we'd got so far , but what about Grim ? Isn't anyone going to mention his importance or why he was also mentioned in this chaotic final seconds of opening ???

So... this is what we had in the final seconds :

1)The apple

2) Crowley

3)The black ink

4)Grim

5)The spindle wheel

We talked about all of them except nu 4 . But before that , I've got the same question as before : Why is it "Sleeping beauty" & "Snow white"..?

We discussed the "overblot Grim " hints in (part 2), but here's another thing :

Very well , ever heard of "Grimm brothers"...?

In the case that you don't know who they are , here' the point : They are the authors of 'original' versions of sleeping beauty & snow white; two of the darkest , deepest and possibly creepiest stories of their own throughout the history

I believe that most of you are familiar with the original versions , but you may like to take a look at these two if you haven't yet heard of them check the two of these stories out : (note: I'm aware that there are darker , deeper versions of these too but I'm not gonna mention any of them because : 1)They aren't written by Grimm brothers & 2) They include overly sensual and inappropriate content which has no place in my posts . If you care to know about them , check them at your own risk)

Alright , if you ever wondered who was Grim named after , I guess we've got it now . Mentioning Grim , Snow white and Sleeping beauty together at once is too direct to be a coincidence ...but it's also terrifying ...

Thinking that Disney is actually referring to the original books written by Grimm brothers is a bit too dark... Original stories are really horrible and a great way to ruin one's childhood , but all these hints fit each other way too great and now , they may no longer be just a coincidence...

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.1}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.6k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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Robin slumped down in her seat with a sigh and the oddly bittersweet feeling of melancholy mixed with excitement. Over the rim of her sunglasses, she observed how Jorien rolled her eyes at Cas, but helped her stow away her enormous bag in the overhead compartments nonetheless. It was still before noon, but the sun was already scorching Robin's skin as it flooded the compartment of the Hogwarts Express they had chosen to claim. The school year was over. Time to head back to London.

Minutes later, when the train slowly started moving and the two other girls finally sat down as well, Robin couldn't help feeling more excited than sad at last. Sure, leaving Hogwarts had always dimmed down her mood quite significantly, but this year it was a bit different. For one, she had intentionally chosen to take the train back to London together with her roommates. She also could've apparated back home, now that she had passed the class and gotten her license, but she had decided against it. Perhaps for nostalgic reasons, perhaps because of her constantly babbling but very much appreciated company. But most importantly –and therefore the real reason why she was more excited for the summer to start than dreading to part from her beloved castle– she actually had plans for the holidays for once. Plans which included two of her favorite things in the entire world; potions (in the broadest sense) and Snape. The latter obviously being more reason to her current excitement than the former, but ultimately she was very happy about both.

Really, she had been planning it for a while now. Robin wanted to continue her hunt for rare ingredients, or rather her studies thereof, and after the by now renown success she'd had last October, she had been quick to decide that she would spend the summer with the same kind of expeditions to confirm her theories. Obviously she wouldn't be able to work her way through the entire handbook, which she had kept on expanding and improving throughout the last year, but she would just start somewhere and work her way through as far as she got. Fortunately, from the very moment she had told Snape of her plans, he had been dead set on coming along, saying how it was far too dangerous to deal with some of the things she would necessarily have to encounter on her own, and after a while of teasing and prodding, he had also admitted that he simply wanted to do this together with her either way.

To Robin, the prospect of that, of their plans, was enough reason to keep smiling to herself from time to time, or really any time she thought of it. The only dimmer on her mood was that their adventures would only be able to start from next weekend on; before then, Snape was still stuck at Hogwarts for whatever boring thing Dumbledore had the professors do after the students had left, and Robin for her part had promised to wait until then. For his sake more than her own, and unfortunately, that left her with a week to spend with her parents. Lovely.

"Earth to Robin! What are you all smiley about?" Cas wondered loudly, snapping her fingers in front of Robin's face to get her attention.

"Oh, just excited about my plans for summer." She shrugged in return, yet again unable to stop grinning to herself. Damnit, she really was as subtle as a pink elephant.

"You actually have plans for once? After years of saying you literally don't care? Spill the tea, what's the story?" Jorien quirked an eyebrow at her in doubt and question, and Cas nodded in agreement to the objection.

"No story, I'm just excited, that's all."

"What's your plans then?"

"Proving my theories about different substances and ingredients, testing methods and means to find them, and improving all of it based on the results of practical research." Robin explained in one breath, and received two questioning looks in return. With a sigh and a smile she added, "I will travel around and look for plants and animals I can use for potions."

"Uuh, going on adventures! Why didn't you just say that!" Cas beamed in return, then went off into her own direction with it. "You should write a book about it! Or better, a comic! With moving pictures and all that kinda stuff! 'Robin the lone scientist'... How about that?"

"More like 'Robin the mad scientist'." Robin laughed in return, letting her head fall back against the seat for a moment until she could tone down her grin a little.

"Perhaps you should let us come with you! Then you certainly won't be alone anymore." Jorien mused carefully, more hopeful than intrusive, and Robin's eyes fell onto the two grinning girls again.

"I won't be alone at all, actually… My best friend is coming with me." She finally allowed herself to admit, and the words were already enough to make her skin tingle. Geez, she really shouldn't be this excited about it… but it didn't hurt anyone either.

"Oi, that mysterious guy you never lose more than a word about?" Cas' eyes lit up, and she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Perhaps you will finally get that passionate romance I've been hoping for!"

"Speaking of which, have you made plans to visit Simon?" Robin inquired, brutally changing the topic before they would try to snoop any more.

"Unfortunately, my parents aren't too fond of the idea of me having a boyfriend." The blonde rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, falling back into her seat with a huff. The grandeur of the gesture made Robin want to snort, but she suppressed it for empathy's sake. "So I probably won't see him at all until summer's over. I hope he doesn't find someone better than me in the meantime!"

"You can always write letters to him." Robin suggested with a shrug. "The anticipation and delay in that can be quite exciting as well. Carefully chosen words, the time taken to share a piece of one's mind with the other, the reassuring physicality of someone's handwriting on parchment…"

"You're terribly romantic, you know that?"

"Don't tell anyone." Robin replied, rising her eyebrows at them with a small smirk. "I have a reputation to uphold."

… … …

The one good thing once they arrived back in London, after Cas and Jorien had found their parents who had come to pick them up like always, was that Robin didn't have to deal with her trunk anymore. With a swoop of her wand, it shrunk down to a miniature and disappeared in the depth of her backpack. Thank God she was finally over seventeen… had been for a while now, actually. The summer would be so much more enjoyable now that she could use magic outside of school.

Instead of taking the first train back to Oxford like she usually did, Robin spent some time strolling around London. After all, she could be at home in a blink now whenever she fancied to be, and she didn't have luggage other than her backpack either. When she eventually sat down in a small cafe with a book Cas had practically forced upon her (not without making Robin actually promise to read it over summer), she couldn't help wondering what Snape might be up to right now. It was around this time when they would usually have pre-dinner coffee, or take a walk around the grounds, or set up for that evening's work in advance… oh bloody hell, she missed him already. But in the light of the impending week with her family, she also found herself missing Jorien and Cas. Anyone was better company than the people who were (probably not even) waiting for her in Oxford. For a moment, she wondered if they would care if she didn't come home today. If they would even notice.

Sighing, Robin ordered the largest coffee on the menu and then went to distract herself from the inevitable necessity to go home by reading Cas' book for now. It was the kind of read Robin wouldn't pick up even with her eyes closed; a cheesy romance novel about a girl around the same age as her, who slowly discovered the 'wonders' of love and physical intimacy in a plot that otherwise didn't even fit the romance. Robin couldn't help rolling her eyes every other page, but she had promised Cas that she would read it, and thus she had to suffer through all the drama and badly phrased make-out sessions now. Why on earth was this Cas' favorite book?! Admittedly, the girl deemed fashion magazines the high art of literature, but this… ugh. Sometimes Robin wished she didn't take her promises quite so seriously.

When her coffee was empty and a good third of the dreadful book behind her (which at some point had gotten a little less dreadful… not that she would ever admit that to anyone), she decided that it was late enough to make her way home at last. If she didn't want to sleep in the gutter, there was little else she could do. Well, technically she could camp out somewhere up north… she had everything she needed in her backpack… but some stupid part of her mind wanted to give her parents another chance to care. Some sparks of pathetic hope had crept through the cracks in her walls once again, even if she knew that she would only be disappointed again. It couldn't be helped either way. After paying for her coffee, she sought out the first space away from prying eyes, and finally went home in a swirl of time and space.

… … …

It had been three days, and Robin was already going insane. During her absence, her parents' house had turned into an outpost of the local university, or so it seemed. Not only had her bedroom been unrecognizable and all her things were packed up in boxes in the basement upon her arrival, but there simply were too many people around her on a constant basis, and no possibility to hide; Robin's parents, the three American scientists currently living with them, and usually two to five other people working on the same project even after hours. Begrudgingly Robin had accepted that she no longer had her own room in this house, and even that she had to live out of cardboard boxes for the moment… But the five other people living in this house with her currently were just too much.

The moment she'd come home on Monday evening she had noticed two things right away: One, her parents hadn't expected that she would actually want to sleep on the couch for more than a night. Two, the people from the States were assholes, to stick with their language. Well, two of the three, at least. A married couple who had moved into her old bedroom, and honestly, they could be summarized as mainly three things: religious, respectless and rude. Right on the first evening, they hadn't hesitated to make not so subtle but very much mocking comments about Robin 'attending a boarding school for special children', as her parents seemed to have explained the situation to them. Then they had gone on to comment on her 'disorderly choice of clothing', which they deemed entirely unsuitable for a young lady of any respectable family. Them finding out that Robin, in fact, didn't pray before meals (nor at any other time really), and also had absolutely no intention to, had resulted in a lengthy speech about the importance of God's guidance for a young lady (that term again…), especially when she was constantly tempted by vicious males around her. (They had also found it outrageous that the school she attended wasn't just for girls!) At that point, Robin had regretted ever coming back to this place, ever allowing herself to hope that it might not be completely awful. That had been three hours after her arrival.

Three days later, she was going insane for real. The only good thing was that every one of them was gone throughout most of the day, which allowed her to take a break from the constant orders and remarks given to her by four people by now, none of which actually had the right to do so. Honestly, she didn't know why she didn't just leave. Pack up the boxes in the basement and find some other place to live, where she wouldn't be either entirely ignored to the point of feeling invisible or pestered with disdainful comments. And now, four days into this mess, she made the decision that she would have to adapt her plans if she wanted to survive this summer.

"I'll be leaving tomorrow. I'm going to travel the country with a friend until the end of summer." She declared out of the blue, during dinner on Friday evening, after being silent for over three hours. Originally she had planned to take day trips with Snape, and come back here in the evenings to spend the days in between excursions at her parents' house. But now she just wanted to have a decent enough reason to leave and stay gone for as long as possible. Perhaps forever.

"That's amazing, sweetie! I'm glad to hear you have plans." Her mom was the first to reply, smiling in what looked like sincere relief upon the prospect of having her daughter out of the picture at last.

The conflict growing between the American couple and Robin hadn't passed by her parents unnoticed, indeed they were as well aware of it as everyone else, but they had always made an effort not to get involved, always avoiding to possibly upset their guests, even when they had clearly crossed a line. To Robin, they had thereby picked their side, and it had never been hers.

"Traveling the country… Spending your parents' hard earned money, eh?" The scarecrow on the other side of the table scoffed in a too high pitched voice, and Robin had to make a conscious effort to keep her facade of perfect neutrality plastered onto her face. "If I was your mother, I would see to it that you find yourself a job and get working as soon as possible!"

"We offered to pay for her expenses, should she wish to spend the summer elsewhere, because we had to clear out her room for you." Robin's dad explained almost apologetically. "But it might as well be a belated gift for… two birthdays and two Christmases, I believe."

"Never coming home and then expecting to be paid for nonetheless…" The scarecrow made a face at Robin as she let out a scoff. "Children, they're all the same no matter where you are in the world. I know why I never wanted any."

Robin's jaw clenched for but a second, the only tell of her true emotions, but then she calmly went back to cutting her chicken into neat pieces of exactly the same size as she had previously cut her vegetables and potatoes as well. "I won't need any of your money, thank you for the offer nonetheless. I believe it would be best for everyone if I was… financially independent as soon as possible. I'm an adult, so I might as well pay for myself."

"Oh, you're one of those types." Scarecrow's husband mused in an unsuccessful attempt at subtle distaste. "Traveling around like a gypsy, always deep in someone's pocket for a dollar… The youth these days just doesn't know what work is anymore."

"Actually, I work hard and earn my money like everyone else does." Robin replied coldly, not even honouring the man with a glance. It was a very twisted version of the truth she was presenting here, but it would have to do. "Just because I attend a school quite far away from the larger cities doesn't mean there is no opportunity to make a living on the side."

"Yes, and we all know how pretty young girls can make a living the easiest way, don't we?" Scarecrow scoffed, and the entire table fell silent for a moment. Nobody dared to speak, and all eyes eventually sought out Robin, who in return was desperately glad for her years of practice in looking entirely indifferent. On the inside however, her mind was raging. How dared this woman to make such accusations, or even hint at something like that?! A small part of Robin wondered what would happen if she simply cursed everyone in the room, and took their memories of it afterwards. But instead, she settled for merely being silent and clinging onto the thought that she would be gone tomorrow.

"Do you by any chance work in a kitchen?" The third American, the only decent human being in the room and the only person Robin wasn't currently mad at, asked and thereby broke the uncomfortable silence. "Because I couldn't help noticing how adept you are at cooking. The dinner you made last night was amazing, and I've never seen someone so skilled with a knife."

"Thank you." Robin offered him a small smile, and inwardly thanked him for saving her from the ridiculous situation like that. "I really do sort of work in a kitchen, actually. For the past few years I have been trained quite a bit in addition to the normal school curriculum, to properly select and prepare ingredients for example, but by now, I actually get to make entire recipes by myself." Again, not a lie. Cooking and potion making were quite similar in a lot of ways, and she would shamelessly take advantage of that now.

"I didn't know you were training to become a chef." Robin's dad frowned at her, then shrugged and continued eating at last. "But I'm glad to hear that you are looking into a serious and decently paying career path. Not that… odd stuff they teach you at school."

"So, who's the friend you're going to be traveling with?" Her mom asked, changing the topic and the tension that had been hanging in the hair was resolved as the others continued with their meals as well.

"You wouldn't know him; someone I know from school." Was all Robin replied, but perhaps she should've thought better of it.

"A boy?! Excuse me, but I just have to intervene here again, entirely for your own good…" The scarecrow was quick to respond, and Robin cringed at every single part of the vile woman's sentence. "Just imagine how that might look to some people! A girl and a boy, traveling the country together all by themselves… Do you truly want to have such a poor reputation?! Just think about the disgrace it would be for your parents! Or for your future husband! People might assume you were dishonored!"

If that woman knew that Robin was going to travel with Snape, a man who was eleven years older than her and who used to be her professor until a week ago, she surely would combust in outrage, or faint in shock. Robin had to suppress a snort at the thought, and the idea of telling her suddenly became very tempting. But she wouldn't, as that would surely only end to her own disadvantage. After all, it would put reality into even more of a false light… they were still going to part ways in the evenings to meet up again on another day. Either way, Robin had quite enough of the woman sitting across from her at this point.

"Bold of you to assume that I have any honour left for him to take in the first place." She said nonchalantly, in perfect indifference, and while four jaws dropped just like intended, the nice American scientist merely let out a snort. At least one person understood the joke inherent in this bloody situation… Still, this probably hadn't been the smartest thing to say if she ever wanted them to stop bothering her, but as it seemed, her reputation among them had been ruined long before she had arrived here in the first place. And it was the truth after all; at almost eighteen, it wasn't unlikely that she would have a lot more experience than she actually did. It wasn't her fault that a hug was the only form of physical intimacy she'd ever lived to share with anyone… even Cas had more experience than that, and she was only fourteen! Not that this bothered Robin in any way… it was just a fact, and she might as well use it to her advantage at this point.

Dinner continued quietly from then on, and while the silence seemed to be uncomfortable for everyone else, Robin actually found herself feeling more at ease than she had all evening. When willingly allowing yourself to sink quite so low in someone's eyes, even if based on false information and half truths, the result for your own self was quite liberating. No reputation to uphold, no need to impress, nothing to justify. Honestly, she just should've done this from the start. But then again, she had still wanted her parents to pay for her travels at that point. Still had hoped that the boxes in the basement would be unpacked again eventually, once the esteemed guests were gone. Now however, the idea of cutting herself off from her parents entirely had a shocking appeal to it, and she couldn't quite bring herself to step back from it again. Didn't even want to. No, she still had some Christmas money left that she had saved over the years, and from there on she could find some sort of work to make ends meet. Tomorrow morning, she would take the boxes in the basement with her and leave for good.

… … …

If there had been any doubt left in her mind by Friday night if she actually should go through with it, it was blown away Saturday morning when the only thing saying goodbye to her was a note on the kitchen counter that told her to put the rubbish out before she left. Thus she spent the early hours of the day gathering everything that was hers and storing it away in her backpack, while also taking some minor things that surely wouldn't be missed around here. An old record player and a few of her favorite records (both which weren't used anymore), that chipped mug she had been using when she was here for as long as she could remember, but also a photo album that only had the first five pages filled with pictures of her as a baby and toddler. If this was all that would be left of her childhood other than her own memories, she wanted to be the one to have it. She added in a picture of her parents that had been in one of their own albums, then hid the entire thing very deep down in her bag, in a box of things she wanted to keep but still forget about.

When finally she shouldered her bag to leave, she didn't even feel sad. Only bitter and, in a way, deeply hurt that it had come this far. Perhaps it had been her fault, partially at least. Perhaps it had been inevitable. But if the last five days had proven anything, it was that they would be better off going separate ways from here on. Maybe one day, if by that time they still remembered that they'd had a daughter once, she would come back to visit them.

… … …

Half an hour later Robin sat high up on the cliff on the Scottish east coast where their first adventure had started last year, legs dangling over the edge against the stone wall that dropped down way too far, as she waited for Snape to show up. They would have to meet somewhere after all, and this place had seemed like a good idea. Both of them had been here before, it was practically deserted, and thus it was easy to find each other.

The wind whipping around her cleared some of the bitterness the morning had left, dried some silent tears, and it was a reminder of the bigger picture, a reassurance that her problems weren't the end of the world. As dark as things might seem, the planet was still spinning and the only way to move was forward. She took a deep breath, and when the sun broke through the clouds at last, she put on her sunglasses and let it warm her face for once.

"You're early… A bit excited, are we?" Snape remarked the very moment Robin heard him arriving somewhere behind her, and even just the sound of his voice made her smile in an instant.

"So are you, in case you haven't noticed." She replied, leaning back on her hands to look up at him upside down when he came to stand behind her. Surprisingly enough, he was clad in ordinary black bottoms and a simple long sleeved shirt of the same colour. "I think I've never seen you in anything other than those robes you always wear at school…"

"Yes, well, our last… expedition has proven my usual choice of clothing to be rather unsuitable for the occasion." He mused, and finally sat down next to Robin so closely that their shoulders almost touched. "That, and muggles tend to be irritated when one wears robes around them. Since we haven't decided where today will take us, I thought it best to be prepared."

"Clever. As always." Robin smirked, and he rolled his eyes at her using his own expression on him, which she however didn't mind one bit. "How was your week?"

"Dreadful. Yours?"

"Even worse."

"Good."

"Hey!" Robin protested with a laugh, then with a grin she just couldn't fight. "What's good about me being worse than dreadful for a week?"

"It means that no matter if we succeed in our goals today or not, it will still be a better day for you than the last few were."

"Of course it will be better! An infinite number of times better even! Spending time with you is better than anything, you dunderhead."

"Call me that one more time and I will shove you off the cliff."

"Shove me off the cliff and I'll pull you down with me."

"I expect nothing less. That is what I'm here for, after all." He stated with an expression that was too serious looking to actually be serious at all. The not-smirk was an even better tell of that.

"You're here to jump off a cliff?" Robin quirked an eyebrow at him with a teasing smirk.

"I'm here to make sure you aren't alone when you do."

"So if I jump, you will too?"

"I would rather keep either of us from doing something ridiculously stupid as that, but generally, yes." He said, and the fact that he actually seemed to mean every word of that sent a wave of electric sparkles all through Robin's body and mind. She couldn't even put into words how much she adored him for that, and how infinitely glad she was to have him with her. If this was what being his friend was like, she couldn't even imagine how it would be to be more than that. Then again, she shouldn't imagine it in the first place. They were friends. Best friends, but only friends. That had to be enough.

"Good to know." She finally replied, allowing herself to smile at least, so very brightly that he almost had to smile in return. "So… what theory are we looking into today?"

"Get out that handbook of yours and we shall see."

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[scarletbluebird13]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a general MK fic where whilst they’re doing something in public (i.e. dinner, shopping), we catch sight of an enemy, and a few moments later, chaos ensues and after we go BAMF, we end up with an injury that is quite serious but we brush it off? Thanks if ever you choose to do this :)

Damn Idiot

*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°*•°

Title: Masquerade Kiss

Pairing: ?(ambiguous) x MC 

Tags: idk what to put here; shonen?? 

Triggers: mention of blood, fighting, stabby-stabby, heavy cursing

Word count: 2038

A/N: Hiya! Thank you for the request, Nonnie! <3 I hope this is at least close to what you wanted - since no character was specified and you requested a fic, I decided to write you a fic with no specifics on who the suitor is -- hopefully his role is ambiguous enough any of the four guys could fit in <3 And I know you probably wanted one of the guys to have the cool action moment -- but MC got snubbed in her own series in all four routes and I didn’t feel right downgrading her capabilities here either -- Hope this is pretty close to what you had in mind, my apologies if it wasn’t what you wanted. Luv you Nonnie! Thank you for your request~ It was appreciated (lol thanks for laying out a general idea for what you wanted and giving me enough creative space) Feedback/criticism always welcome <3 :)

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Palm to palm, interlocking fingers - his warmth seeps into my hand. A welcomed sensation and one I’m used to. A sensation dearly missed. I’ve just returned from a month-long mission in Los Angeles. All the sunshine in that state doesn’t come close to the warmth emanating from his hand. Typically, he’d find a way to be with me - he can be impulsive at times, but then again, what did I reasonably expect when I decided I wanted us to take the next step in our relationship? I’ve missed him so much - all those lonely nights without him…the other side of the bed empty and his smell absent from the sheets. Heh. But the nights we teased each other even though we were on different continents were fantastic. ...I wonder how tonight will go…? 

“What are you smirking about?”  

I glance up at him - but the way he’s so cool and collected in public, you’d never guess that handsome face was capable of mercilessly teasing me.

“What fun is it if I just tell you?”

A smirk tugs at his lips, satisfied with my response as he replies; “I’d expect nothing less from you.”

My heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest as he gives my hand a squeeze - it’s embarrassing, but I couldn’t care less. I haven’t seen him in a month - I’ve craved his touch - and right now, it’s like we’re both immune to the stares of onlookers. Murmurs and sharp whispers can’t reach us. Not only could we care less about pda - what they say, what they think; none of it matters. What’s more? Today happens to be our anniversary and since I managed to complete the mission just in time, he’s decided to take me out on a mystery date - though, he’s so unpredictable I don’t have the slightest clue where we’re headed. 

Basking in the rare happiness and serenity, however, lay my own suspicions. 

I’ve had this sinking feeling since we began walking hand-in-hand - like there’s more to the onlookers than just passersby shocked at harmless hand holding. But today’s our day off, so I push my worries out of my mind, letting them settle in the peripheral of my mind’s eye. 

However, it’s not long before my heart begins accelerating with new meaning. 

I hear rapid footsteps approaching from behind - ones with purpose and imperativeness. All my instincts as an agent - and one who just wrapped up a mission the other day, no less - tell me this is no accident and this person means to charge toward us. Careful to not harm an innocent man running late for something or another, I look in the reflection of the window of the store in front of us, and see the man looks sketchy. Even though his eyes are covered, it’s clear he’s burning daggers at us. Whoever the target - the man at my side or myself - my instinct is to place a bullseye on this guy. 

When I see he’s too close and a millisecond would be too late to do anything, I drop the hand at my side, face the person, and land a hard kick to the ribs. In no way is the blow fatal, just enough to send the poor soul to the ground, coughing up blood. 

“___, do you know him?” 

“Oh yeah! He’s my best friend from high school, we used to do everything together- No. Of course I don’t know him.”

“Oh~ So even after kicking a man to the ribs she’s got her spice?”

“Shut up. He’s got friends.” 

And in just a moment, some of the onlookers have come to the man’s side. The others, clearly civilians, run in all directions, screaming.

“You’re a real bitch, you know?” The man with a bloody mouth says. 

“Oh is that the kind of impression I left? Glad I was memorable. Who’s lackey are you? Remind me?”

“Tch. Doesn’t matter. You’ll be face-to-face with him once we beat your sorry ass.” 

“Oooh I’m so scared.” 

“Shut up you bitch!!” I throw a punch at this annoying fool, right in the gut, my hand burning from the impact and my leg doing no better. Bad day to wear heels.  

The sorry excuse for a lackey goes flying before hitting the ground with a dull thud. Taking his place, another lackey from the crowd charges at me, and I’m able to take care of him. But there’s another - and if it weren’t for his timing, I’d have been hit. But he narrowly misses me. And that’s because the one I love steps in, punching the second lackey before he can reach me.

“Why’d you do that? I can handle this.” I say, a bit irritated at him. But I won’t lie, seeing him in action makes my heart pound - in a good way.

“A man who tries to beat a woman is not a man. That’s all.” He says, glaring the motherfucker down.

“This is my fight, not yours. Let me handle it-”

“I told you the same thing about a year ago. What was it you said to me?” He says, throwing a warm look at me from over his shoulder. With that I fall silent, remembering the love I feel for him in that moment a year ago. The same shattering fear of losing him. Of being without him. Wanting him to be okay in the end - it comes back tenfold. He gives me a soft smile before looking away from me, getting ready to fight;

“You don’t have to do this alone. I’m right here. Rely on me. Please.”

Before I know it, we’re taking out lackeys left and right, obliterating them. Rather, we should. At least one of us is an active agent with a severe training regime. 

Even with all that training

you’d think 

that I would consider every possible outcome. 

Good and bad. 

I finish up with the last pitiful excuse for a lackey when I turn around. I see the first guy coming back for another ass whooping with a sharp knife. I’m ready to take him on and disarm him the way I’ve been trained to do under certain circumstances, however, much to my horror, I see something I’ve never wanted to see since I realized how much he means to me. 

His silhouette flashes before me, his back encompassing my field of vision. I hear nothing. Feel the anguish and petrifying panic shock my nervous system. I feel faint. Like I could fall over at any minute. My hands are so pale, so cold, I forget what it means to be warm.

The only thing I see, the only thing I smell

is blood.

I’m ready to fall to my knees and scream his name but I can’t. I can’t stop now. I know I have to take out the last son-of-a-motherfucking-bitch-whore. And I wish it was the sight of his blood staining his back serving as the final thing that snapped me out of it. I wish it didn’t take me hearing his grunt and painful sighs to wake me up. I wish I would’ve sprung into action before he had the reflexes to jump in front of me like that. There’s so much I could wish for - but none of it will come true. Because the truth is I wasn’t fast enough. The truth remains that he got stabbed. And right now, all that matters is that I show the piece of motherfucking shit what happens when they go after someone so close to me. 

With tears stinging my eyes and blurring my vision I gather all my strength and run towards the fucker.

Fueled with a hundred fires burning in my core, distressed and angry and scared for his damn life, my movements are hastier and packed with more roaring fireballs than ever before. 

I catch the fucker’s wrist when he tries to stab me, and I twist it as hard as I motherfucking can.  

He screams in agony and tries to reach for his injured wrist with his other hand. And to that one, I merely said ‘hell fucking no’ before punching his uninjured arm’s elbow. My fingers were red and trembling, and they hurt like hell for all the punches I’d been throwing, but I can hardly feel any of the pain. Seeing the piece of shit in front of me writhe in excruciation serves as my anesthetic. You don’t get to be one of the Boss’s top agents by not working for it. 

Pathetic excuse for a lackey gets off easy. It wouldn’t do me any good to murder him (he’s not worth the effort anyway). While he’s distracted with what I’m sure must be the most excruciating pain of his life (I guarantee it is. This hurts more than a seventh grade breakup. More than pineapple on pizza. More than getting shot. I know this because I caused that pain. If this isn’t the worst pain he’s ever been in, I’m not doing my job - even though this is my fuckin day off. My anniversary with my boyfriend of all the damn days. And to top it off, the day after I get back home after not seeing him for an entire month. Fucker has some balls trying to mess with me today), I walk behind him and shove him to the ground. I put some pressure on his leg and ask him one simple question;

“Whose motherfucking lackey are you?”

“Screw you bitch.”

“Wrong answer.” I coldly spit out, putting more pressure on his leg. 

But I stop. I hear a painful sigh, and look up. He’s clutching his wound and walking towards me with a little glint in his eye. And in that moment I forget all about the fucker beneath me and I go over to him instead. 

“Stop walking - it looks like it’s really serious. You’re bleeding out and need-” I’m cut off by his lips on mine. My heart accelerates and it stops at the same time. My body tenses up and warm tears of relief stain my cheeks as I finally reciprocate the kiss. 

“Are you okay?” I ask him, looking deep into those eyes that see more than an agent. See more than a woman. They look past all I am and all I am not and see me for me. 

“Yes, it’s not that bad anyway.” He says, his voice strained.

“Liar. You’re bleeding out. You need help.” 

“No, I swear I’m fine. This is nothing. Besides, are you okay?”

“I’m not the one who’s stabbed, so yeah, I’d say I’m okay.” 

He chuckles a little before slightly grimacing.

“Okay, you need help. Now.” 

“Bet you I don’t.”

“That’s one bet you’d lose and another I wouldn’t ever want to take any chances on.”

“I love you - you’re incredible. I knew you were perfectly capable of taking those guys out on your own - and probably a hundred more - but wow.” 

I hit his shoulder a little bit before staring him down and scolding him;

“I appreciate your help, but I was trained for this. Or did you forget that part? I could’ve handled it much quicker and definitely painless by myself. Why did you jump in front of a knife like that?” 

“Because I didn’t want to lose you. I know you can handle yourself, but I wish you’d rely on me more. You’re not alone anymore. You have me. Or did you forget?”

“But what if I’d lost you?!” I scream, losing all control over my emotions, the reality of how close I could’ve come to losing him forever to the icy grip of death more than I can handle. “Did you think about that before you jumped in front of the fucking knife like that?! You damn idiot!”

He stays silent. All he does is let me sob against his chest. Though I try to be careful, as he was stabbed in the abdomen. He caresses my hair and holds me close. 

“I wasn’t thinking. He’d stabbed me before I knew I was in front of him. I’m so sorry I scared you like that.” He whispers against my hair, placing a gentle kiss atop my head. 

“Thank you for living.”

[capricornus-rex]

A Shadow of What You Used to Be (12)

Chapter 12: Fitting Into The Mould | Cal Kestis x Irele Skywalker

Requested by Anon

Summary: There is another! Years after young Anakin Skywalker departed Tatooine, his mother Shmi delivers a second child—this time, a daughter. Whilst the circumstance of the girl’s birth remains unexplained, Irele Skywalker has yet to choose the true path between those laid out for her.

Tags: Fem! OC, Irele Skywalker, Force-sensitive! OC, Anakin’s Younger Sister, Skywalker! OC, Darth Vader’s Secret Apprentice, Long-lost Sibling

A/N: I am so sorry for the delays. A lot of things have taken toll of me. One of which is learning that one of my coworkers is positive with COVID and I just happen to be one of the few people he was with the day before he stopped going to work. So I am required to go into home quarantine, only went out once to do my testing but I haven’t gotten my results yet in the past 5 days which made me extra anxious, and my time out of work will not be paid even though it’s considered “Official Business” as per my company’s COVID policy. But so far, I’ve been fine, which is good. Then my PS4 is on the brink of death just when I started playing Ghost of Tsushima for the first time, but most of the people in my forums say it just needs a deep clean but I’m too scared to take it apart because I’ve never done that. I didn’t want to write while my head’s muddled with these thoughts, but only now did the anxiety subside. I hope you guys understand. I figured the story’s quality will go bad while I have such thoughts and feelings.

Requesting to be tagged: @heavenly1927​

Also in AO3

Chapters: Prelude – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 | Previous: Part 11 | Next: Part 13 | Masterlist

13 of ?

Irele had a kinder three weeks in Anathema than her first week in the Fortress.

As soon as her first day started, she’s required to march her way to the training dojo—to which she got lost in finding, no thanks to the crew working in this metal maze. She’s already feeling her breakfast burning in her stomach after jogging to the dojo, after so many failed attempts and subtle peeking over doors that are ajar, and saved herself from a first-day scolding at the expense of a slight stomach cramp.

Smoke plumed and framed along the walls, colored in blood-orange as the hydraulics and power coolants flowed and hissed underneath the grated floor. At the center of the room, a lone trooper—clad in the same, onyx black armor like the previous ones she saw—stood, with a weapon at the ready; his visage standing in the heart of the dojo gave off an intimidating air around him, as if untouchable, invincible.

Unwelcoming and strict, the instructor obviously to spend every minute wisely.

“Grab a weapon.”

Irele had noticed a rack at the far end of the room; picking up his mood from the moment she saw him, she briskly walked to the weapons rack, troubled herself for a minute on what to use, took a gulp and a breath before snatching the javelin.

She kept her eyes on her faceless teacher while she walked towards him, but her hands searched for the activation switch. The weapon crackled to life, purple lightning glowed Irele’s fair, small face, and she gazed at the cracks of light dancing at the end of the lance.

“Now…” the trooper poised himself in a defensive stance, after showing off a spin with his twin batons. “We begin.”

Irele is no brawler. The only time she ever fought someone or something was a Massiff that had been loosed by its Tusken Raider owner, probably sent out to find and hunt down prey—and that was two years ago, she had shuffled her way out of that situation with a scraped forearm.

Of course, her attacks are flimsy and somewhat limp-looking to the instructor—who had been training a lifetime for combat. The trooper would retaliate with a heavier strike, tenfold from Irele’s power, and would reset his stance for another attack; whereas Irele would still be finding her footing after she’d been staggered.

“This is pathetic!” barked the trooper, relaxing his posture and twirls the left baton. “Put some back into it!”

The poor girl cannot talk back, no matter how much she wanted to. For every time she was staggered or pushed back, she could only coerce herself to poise into a somewhat satisfactory attack stance and get another shot—only to be denied.

This entire session felt like hours on end. Irele could barely notice any progress in herself, except the frustration, disappointment, and boredom all mixing together within the trooper as this day goes on. Whenever he was not satisfied, he would berate the girl—to which he thought would negatively motivate her to attack him more strongly.

Meanwhile, in the confinements of his chamber, Darth Vader watches over Irele’s performance virtually and in real-time. Hidden cameras were all over the dojo, and every feed was relayed to the Vader in his chamber. Screens panned across the half of the circular shell, he could see Irele versus the trooper exchange blows, although he kept his eyes on the girl—his young ward.

He could have sworn he feels something in her. At this time, Irele was beginning to grow exhausted and eager to finish this—she just doesn’t know how to.

“Come on, little girl, put some back into it!” her instructor growled. “I could’ve done better things than  this today!”

Thinking that he can just get this over with by defeating her in the spar, call it a day, and pick up where they’ve left off tomorrow—he charges at the girl who was still gaining her bearings after feeling the weight of the exhaustion get the best of her. At this time, Vader’s eyes remained on the girl, and secretly, he hoped something would come up.

Blinded by his lax arrogance, the trooper rushed towards Irele and raised his arms—both batons at the ready—and sprung up from the floor. Just when he thought he had landed a hit on the girl’s ribcage, Irele blocked it with her javelin at the very last minute.

Finally! The satisfaction of receiving the first step to a seemingly successful attack pattern flooded the girl with a newfound vigor. Irele pushed back the trooper while javelin and batons were still in contact with each other; little by little, her footwork was gradually becoming better, not by a lot, but it was preferable than her stumbling stupor a while ago, there was balance and there was pacing. Clearly, her strikes were not as strong as the instructor had hoped, but they were getting somewhere and that’s enough.

“Your strikes still need work!”

“Don’t…! You…! Just…! Ever…! SHUT UP!?”

For every word Irele roared, a strike would follow.

Her attacks were nothing flashy, she was only using what she knows from Tatooine—one of the few fragment of her past life still clinging into her…

And now it’s being weaponized.

Vader shuffled slightly where he sits. The anger in Irele’s voice and words found their way through his thick hide of an armor—albeit virtually—the emotion was wholly familiar to him.

Anger.

Hate.

It’s something he knows well.

Perhaps too well.

He didn’t wait for the training to finish, he’s watched enough he thinks. With the touch of a button, the screens fold back into their metal hatches within the shell of the chamber; another prompted his seat to swivel so he faces the opening. He steps onto a black circular base, a white ring of light hums alive the moment his boot stepped on it and shifted all his weight on it as he positions himself kneeling.

A bust of his master buzzes into life, shrouded in black was a rather pale face, even in the blue rendition of the hologram, one could tell that his color was sickly and white-as-bone.

“Master…” Vader greeted.

The Emperor did not linger into the niceties. He had sensed that Vader was about to give word of his ward’s progress.

“Her training has begun then.”

“Yes, my master.”

“Her anger… she weaponizes them,” observed Palpatine. He slighted his head back. “I can feel it. Truly strong she is with the dark side of the Force.”

“It is a nature that she cannot seem to outgrow.”

“Good,” croaked the Emperor. “The kin of Skywalker will have no trace of virtue but the Sith!”

“And she will be our asset, my lord.”

[linkspooky]

Pls... your top ten nisioisin characters... i love your lists...

I LOVE TO TALK ABOUT  HOW MUCH I LOVE MY FAVES. IF YOU EVER ASK WANT TO ASK ME WHO MY FAVES ARE FOR A SERIES FEEL FREE TO SEND ME AN ASK.

My favorite thing about Niosisin’s characters is how genuinely subversive they are. Not in the sense that he’s deconstructing tropes, but rather these are characters who would never get their story told in most other books, because they are not good, or righteous. Nisioisin breathes life into them, and allows those who cannot be forgiven, those who are deviant, those who have dropped out of society to still remain human. He tells their stories the same as everybody else, because their lives are just as fun. 

1. Even if I’m hated, Even if I’m Despised - Kumagawa Misogi 

He’s only my favorite character of all time so I’ve talked about him on this blog before, but let me find something new to say. Oh Kumagawa, how do I love thee, let me count the ways. Or maybe it’s Oh Kumagawa, how do I despise thee let me count the ways. 

Kumagawa’s character is so interesting because it’s written in antithesis of everything a shonen protagonist is. For Kumagawa, his determination just makes him fail worse and worse. His desire to be involved and help people always guarantees the worst result for the people he wants to call his friends. His empathy is extremely painful for him, and is a trait that drives him insane rather than making him a kind and loving person. 

A lot of time in manga empathy is like, a magic fix-it-all bandaid that basically makes the main character a saint by being able to emotionally relate to anybody. Kumagawa is the reality of that situation. He is empathic, and by relating so much to the humans around him he shows how ugly, and messy human emotions can really be. Recovery and saving others isn’t necessarily a beautiful thing, it’s complicated and sloppy. 

Kumagawa is a character where getting stronger won’t solve any of his problems. Which is what happens in a lot of shonen manga, rather than trying to emotionally mature the main character will just learn a new fighting technique and develop that way. Instead, Kumagawa winning fights means absolutely nothing. The only thing that can free him is to grow up as a person, and the fact that Kumagawa’s arc is given equal weight to both of the main characters shows how accepting of weirdoes and broken off beat characters Nisioisin is as an author. 

What I like about him is how genuinely broken he is, but not for monstrous reasons but for entirely human ones. It’s his genuine care for others that breaks him the most. He’s a character written to be insane, but also geniunely human. Kumagawa is not able to live properly, or even act like the main character like Zenkichi and Medaka are but he’s still able to find his own way to live. 

2. I don’t feel any reality from you people - Ajimu Najimi 

“Genius who is super good at everything, but is secretly sad and lonely on the inside” is a pretty common Nisioisin trope. It tends to be pretty hit and miss with me, but it also resulted in one of my favorite characters of all time. I tend to like these types of characters more when they’re allowed to be… what’s the word… unlikable. When the story isn’t trying to go on about how cool they are.

The reason why I love Ajimu is because she is just like Kumagawa, a subversion of the character you expect her to be. The same way Kumagawa suverts Zenkichi in a way, Ajimu subverts Medaka. The same way that Medaka is all loving, Ajimu is indifferent to absolutely everything. The reason she’s able to be kind to everyone around her is because she genuinely doesn’t care about you. Her real personality when not being apathetic, is to just be downright nasty and look down on absolutely everything. 

She’s completely self absorbed because according to Ajimu she’s the only one who exists in the universe. She’s the only one she knows for sure is real. The opposite of Kumagawa, a character entirely lacking in empathy, not even thinking of herself as human in any sense of the word. Ajimu acts like she knows everything in the story like she’s reading off of the script, but that’s because she literally thinks that everything in this world is fiction and she’s literally breaking the fourth wall.

And my favorite part about Ajimu is that the story doesn’t glorify her meta fourth wall shenanigans. She’s not treated as someone who sees through everything in the end. She’s just pathetic, and suicidal, and dragging everybody else along into her trillion year long self pity party. She’s more of a human failure than someone who can’t possibly empathize with humans, and that’s why I love her. 

3. There ain’t no meaning, got it? - Ii (Boku) 

Ii-chan is the narrator of Nisioisin’s first ever series, Zaregoto (Lit. Nonsense). It’s not really until the second book you get a grasp of his character, but Strangulation Romanticist does such an excellent job of setting up who he is as a person. This is another one of Nisioisin’s character types (narrator who feels ennui, and really, really doesn’t want to be a person). 

What’s great about Iichan is that he is special in a way. Just like he’s described in the books, when he’s thrown into situations everything goes a little bit crazy. He always gets dragged into mysteries, and has people die around him even though he tries to stay as uninvolved with people as possible. He’s actually a great look at what a character constantly caught up in murder mysteries like the main character of a detective novel would actually act like. He has this deep rambling narration that sways between nihilism and existentialism that makes him a really unique character to read about.

But at the same time Iichan is also kind of a normal dude. And I don’t mean in the sense that he’s an everyman, or has no personality, but he kind of just feels like one. The great twist of No Longer Human is that Yozo isn’t some inhuman monster, he’s just kind of a normal guy who drowns out his misery by taking advantage of women. Like, it’s not all that uncommon. The same thing with Iichan, as poetic as he gets he’s kind of a very petty person and most of his flaws are very mundane ones. 

It’s basically very hard to care about other people in this world. Ii-chan doesn’t want to at all, he just wants to have all of his emotional needs fulfilled by the friend he both infantilizes and puts on a pedestal. He’s just super clingy about the one relationship he has in life, because he’s afraid of losing it, but he’s also afraid of being close to her. Ii-chan is just kind of a normal person reacting badly to trauma, but he presents himself as such a mystery that most people lose sight of that (in story). He’s kind of just petty and annoying, and that’s why I love him. 

4. No Longer Human - Hitoshiki Zerozaki

Zerozaki is Iichan’s greatest character foil. Basically the best way to describe it is Zerozaki is Mersault. The flip that is switched on for everyone that prevents them from killing someone when the idea crosses their mind is turned off for Zerozaki, and so he kills. He doesn’t enjoy it, he doesn’t have a particular reason to it, he just can’t overcome his impulse to kill. If Ii-chan is restrained, then Zerozaki never restrains any of his impulses at all and lives following only those. 

Once again this is another common Nisioisin character archetype “A murder, but they’re sad and lonely.” What I like about Hitoshiki is how much of a deviant he is to that archetype. 

He wants a friend and somebody who understands him, but at the same time he hates himself so he doesn’t want anybody too close. He lives in a family of murderers and he’s somehow the rebellious child of the family. He’s constantly running away and wandering from place to place. What makes Zerozaki interesting is how self aware he is about all of this too. He rambles his thoughts and will just be like “Yeah, so anyway that’s totally fucked up (LOL).” 

 5. Is your life dramatic - Kaiki Deishuu

Kaiki is a character who I admire for his philosophy above all else. He’s another one of those “deviant” characters like Kumagawa who would just be a villain to be defeated in any other narrative, but in this one he gets fully fleshed out as a character. 

What’s interesting about Kaiki is that he chooses exactly the way he lives. He decides to be a villain. Kaiki at some point sees through most of the lies of the people around them, and for how meaningless the things that you are told have value can be. He hates holding onto ideas like those.

But that doesn’t mean that Kaiki rejects everything. He doesn’t claim to see above society, or that he’s not a part of society. Rather, Kaiki just uses that awareness to realize he can give meaning to whatever he personally finds meaningful. Because it’s all meaningless anyway, as a human being he can create his own meaning. 

So his want of money is not just simple greed, it’s what he’s decided to live for. Kaiki is an adult who willingly chose to become a conman because he finds that’s his place in society. He just doesn’t trust himself enough to be kind despite feeling the same desire to save others, so he decided to lie to them and trick them instead. 

6. “I don’t know anything, you’re the one who knows” Oshino Ougi

Ougi is just interesting conceptually. They are literally Araragi’s own shadow, running away from him and given form and consciousness of their own. While Ougi themselves works as a common Jungian shadow archetype calling characters out for what they are repressing and also revealing the bare faced truth to them, which is why they are so heavily associated with mirrors, lights, and shadows. 

My favorite part about Ougi however is not their connection to Araragi. It’s when Ougi starts to become their own character. An oddity with consciousness that begins to deviate from what they were made for, because they were allowed to live on their own.

Ougi did not become a fave of mine until Zoku because that was when they started to self reflect and realize their own strange existence separate to Araragi. The conversation scene with Araragi is one of my favorite in the whole series because it shows how Ougi is just a genuine tease, and a very clever and insightful person. That’s who they are, outside of just being an oddity that exists to criticize others and call out flaws. They’re ridiculous, and a little strange, and they enjoy screwing with other’s heads and messing around a bit too much. But Ougi Oshino is Ougi Oshino. 

It’s just an interesting concept, to have to define who you are as a person when you were created out of all of the unwanted qualities, and insecurities of another person. 

7. Why are you touching me without permission, you weed - Yasuri Nanami

Nanami is another one of those “I’m a genius and I’m good at everything but I’m secretly sad” characters, and once again what I love about her is how unlikable she’s allowed to be. None of what Nanami is capable of comes off as cool for very long. She’s basically framed and treated as a horror movie monster, always speaking in the same monotone voice. The one story that shows her true nature in chapter four is literally, paced, framed, exactly like a slasher movie with characters being hunted down and killed one by one. 

Nanami’s just this horrible wretched existence that doesn’t even want to be alive. She basically acts like frankenstein’s monster, ie, the one in the book. She’s just this corpse that is barely even alive in the first place, constantly sick and in pain, and she’s also at war with herself. The part of her that wants to die and the part of her that’s lonely and wants to find some reason to live, or some connection in life are constantly at war with each other. 

And as horrifying as Nanami is she also feels like the most human of Niosisin’s, super-genius characters. She’s riddled with weaknesses and flaws. She lashes out when he’s in pain, she felt bad when her parents told her to die. You get the sense that Nanami’s super genius isn’t what drove her insane at all, it was just how everybody around her treated her as some thing that was not human. Isolation made her this way. She was conditioned to act this way not born inhuman. There are characters that Nisioisin writes that are genuine sociopaths (as in the trope of an unfeeling person unable to feel human emotions), but Nanami is not one of them and so when she starts acting with sociopathic-traits in her personality it makes her all the more painfully human because we see how she’s been driven slowly to act this way. 

7. *Yawns* Nezumi

Juuni Taisen is one of those death game stories where every character is defined by their one gimmick and written around their concept. In the original novel each character really only gets one chapter to be fleshed out as a character. I half suspect Nisioisin wrote it as a dare to himself on how much he could accomplish with one chapter.

The interesting part about Nezumi is his concept again. He can redo anything 100 times. You think this would make him amazing at anything in life because of his time loop ability, but physically having to live through all of those time loops exhausts him to the point that he’s too tired to do anything. You would think he could get anything he wanted out of life, but there are times he can ask a girl out one hundred times and get rejected one hundred different ways. 

Nezumi is interesting because of how quietly he lives. There’s nothing he really wants out of life, and nothing he wishes for, like a rat he just scurries and survives. 

9. I am currently being accused by everyone - Kakushidate Yakusuke

The same as Iichan and Kumagawa, Yakusuke is a guy who is just cursed by constant bad luck. What I like about Yakusuke is that he’s a full fleshed out character, instead of just an unlucky every dude protagonist.

He’s a contract worker who is constantly shifting between jobs. Due to this fact he’s got like 1,000 skills that he gained on his various jobs. He’s not smart, but because he’s experienced so much of life he’s incredibly resourceful. Which is why he makes a perfect counterpart and foil to Okitegami.

Yakusuke’s everyday life is him constantly being accused and blamed, and falling from one bad situation to the next. But, he has so much experiences that it’s what draws Okitegami to him who can only ever experience one day at a time because her memories will reset at the end of the day. He’s exactly my type of man, a total failure at all walks of life.

10. This is your last chance, let me make you happy! - Kugi Kizutaka

He’s so low on the list because his story “Magical Girl Ritsuka” only has one chapter published in english, but he’s so interesting he instantly became a fave. He’s actually a concept i have been looking for for a long time, which is basically what I describe as “Reverse Junko Enoshima.” 

Basically someone as smart and manipulative as Junko Enoshima, who can make anybody into their toy, and predict things years in advance and control everything, but instead of using that power to send the world to despair, they use that power to give the world hope instead. Not out of any genuine good will or because they’re a good person, but because they’re obsessed with the idea of giving people happiness the same way Junko is with sending people to despair. 

Kugi is a lot like that. He’s a genius ten year old who sees everybody for their potential to be used, and looks down on absolutely everyone around him. He’s made contact with a magical girl, because he’s pretty clearly planning on using her to enslave the world to him, so he can force everybody to be happy. And it’s absolutely adorable. He’s just such a genuine terrible little person while at the same time wanting to make everyone happy. 

[sea-side-scribbles]

Fanfiction: Sympathy Of A Downer

Link: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/61948045

Chapter: 25

You and your goddamn pride, Mortimer scolded himself while walking home through the night. 

He was sure he had wasted his only chance for love, just like that, instead of thankfully embracing it. After everything that had happened to him he should have been glad to have found someone who could love him like he did. 

His first love had been a failure. It had given him nothing but a broken heart and a lot of trouble, because he had almost given his secret away. After that he had sworn to be cautious. He had avoided people in general. The band had been a risk, he knew that very well, but they had been nice, decoyed by his music that was way more emotional than his cool exterior he was hiding behind, because in music he could say things he didn’t dare to describe with words. They had made him believe it could work. 

Then he had met Norbert, their charismatic and somewhat slaphappy singer and suddenly it had looked like it had been a bad idea.

At first it had seemed as if Norbert didn’t like him, that he at worst had heard the rumors about him and didn’t want someone like him in the band. But it had turned out to be a misunderstanding. In time, Norbert had proved to be rather friendly. Mortimer’s restraint didn’t shun him off and it was obvious that he wanted to spend more time with him than Mortimer allowed him to. To sum this up he was rather cute.

Mortimer had tried to be casual around him. According to his habit he would’ve avoided him too, but they were band mates after all, and so potential friends. He knew it wouldn’t work if he shunned them.

To cap it all he was good-looking, and he took pleasure in showing that he bloody well knew it, the way he strutted around and posed. Every time they were together Mortimer had to keep himself from staring at him. 

He had started to hate himself for being so cold, but still he had feared to give his secret away for good this time. He couldn’t risk a misunderstanding and also it was still possible that Norbert’s intentions weren’t true. 

And then suddenly, despite all worries, he had agreed to go for a walk with him. It had just escaped his lips before he could stop himself. And then he had panicked. After school he had tried to get out of the yard without being seen. When that had failed, he had hid in the bathroom to splatter cold water over his face to calm himself down until he had regained his bland face. 

It had worked, he had silenced all the way through the fairly idyllic garden.

But then Norbert had played this stupid, stupid song. In this damn blossoming park with it’s pretty sparkling water fall and cutesy birds that happily chirped and the trees with their leaves rustling in the wind. Mortimer had been trapped between all his, with no way to block out the voice that broke it’s way through his barrier and melted his heart.

In a last pathetic attempt to save himself he had finally avoided Norbert, but it had turned out to be the best way to find out how much he actually needed the other boy. How much he missed his smile, his laugh, his little cheeky remarks here and there, everything that had disturbed his lonely world full of worries. Norbert had made him feel like there was a world where everything was just alright and even though he wasn’t a part of it he could get a glimpse of it as long as they were together.

It had made him figure he wasn’t much smarter than all the clueless birds Norbert kept picking up one after the other as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Mortimer had known Norbert good enough to make himself believe he either didn’t mean it like that or just played one of his games. 

And Mortimer didn’t want to be a part of his heartless game. He wanted true love. 

And that’s why you’ll be alone forever, he stated bitterly. 

He was sure Norbert had no reason to choose him. The girls were more pleasing, they loved him anyway. Someone like him could have everyone who didn’t have a stick up his arse. Even another boy who was in for the fun and wasn’t stupid enough to refuse a possible relationship when it presented itself. But he couldn’t crawl back now. He had to stay true to his words. What else did he have left?

In his bed, Mortimer lied awake and thought about their kiss again and again. 

It had been his first. 

He still felt Norbert’s lips on his and wished he had returned it somehow, instead of just standing around like an idiot. But he had never kissed before, not like that. He had no clue what to do.

His inner voice had told him that there was still a tiny chance that Norbert was just playing a terrible prank on him and he had to be cautious.

But did he have to shout at him? Even after Norbert’s confession? The poor boy had looked completely destroyed after their conversation and Mortimer had run away from him like the coward he was.

It’s over, he told himself. Surely. He wouldn’t send a nice girl packing just for an arse like you.

He dozed off multiple times during the night, only to dream about Norbert, and begging him in tears: „Say yes, please, say yes.“

He spent the entire weekend being depressed and back in school he faced what he had been afraid of: Norbert avoided him now. He didn’t come close anymore to let Mortimer peek at him and he didn’t visit him in the music room either. Mortimer was sitting there, playing confused melodies and waited for him. He had imagined how Norbert would tell him the bad news and he hadn’t found a version he could handle. Perhaps if it was for the best that they didn’t talk about it at all and pretended it never happened. Still, he was frustrated when he left the piano early. He couldn’t listen to himself anymore.

Norbert however had recovered quickly. Right after the rehearsal, he had replayed their conversation again and again in his head to understand what had actually happened. He knew they had been yelling at each other and he had left the room in a miserable state, but didn’t Morrie say yes, even in a weird way? It wasn’t a ‚no, your’e not my type‘ but a ‚yes but only if you do this‘, so he actually had a chance. 

He only had to sort things out with Candice, what was sad but worth it. He had to wait until Monday to meet her and he didn’t want to be seen from Mortimer until he had prepared everything. So that meant spending the day without him. 

He waited for Candice in the backyard again and he was lucky once more. She greeted him with a tight hug he returned without remorse. After all he didn’t have to be rude just because they broke up. However he didn’t hesitate to tell her the news.

„I’m afraid we can’t continue like this…“, he began and already thought it sounded cheesy.

„But we didn’t even start yet,“ she said with surprise.

„I’ve met someone…“, he continued to beat around the bush.

„The most stupid girl in the world?“, she guessed and Norbert avoided her eyes. „I’m not stupid, you know.“

„No, absolutely not…“, he agreed quietly. „I’m sorry, really, but I can’t help it…“ 

He expected her to scream too, even worse than Morrie, but she only shook her head and said: „Look, I knew this would happen. I know you after all. I only hoped we had more time until it happened.“

He made a helpless gesture.

„I thought that too.“

„You know, perhaps she isn’t that stupid,“ Candice mused. „If I wanted to marry you, I’d want the same from you.“

Norbert stared at her.

„You mean, she wants to marry me?“

„Sure. Marriage, eternal faithfulness, children, just the whole nine yards.“

Norbert made a face. Candice noticed it.

„If you don’t want all this, then we better continue and you give her the boot.“

Norbert bit his lower lip. Eternal faithfulness. Wasn’t that what he wanted too? Didn’t he want Morrie forever? Well, as a start he wanted him at all. He assumed that everything else would sort itself out.

„No, I’m serious this time,“ he decided.

„Alright. So this is good bye,“ she said quietly. 

Now it was Norbert who hugged her.

„Farewell, Candice,“ he whispered.

„Farewell, Norbert“, she whispered back.

He left the yard without looking behind.

While he made his way through the town his sadness melted away and gave place to growing excitement. He had found out where Mortimer lived and that was where he went now. He noticed it was so much easier to visit a guy as a guy. It wasn’t suspicious. They looked like friends, nothing else. So he placed himself in front of the house, armed with his guitar and took the offensive. He played until Morrie came out. He found ringing the bell was boring.

Soon, Morrie rushed out of the house, stopped right before Norbert and shouted: „Are you nuts? Don’t you see what that looks like?“

„You never applaud, don’t you?“ Norbert replied with a grin and put his guitar down.

While Mortimer gasped for air because he had been running down the stairs to the front door he noticed he had just missed another opportunity to be nice. All that because he had panicked again, as if the whole neighborhood could find out their secret because Norbert played a song. 

It was such a cute way to call him.

Norbert had all the right to be sore now, but he was still happy. Again that invincible optimism that was simply irresistible. Mortimer could barely look away from his smile.

After a short embarrassing pause that he needed to pull himself together Norbert asked him to follow him. Mortimer nodded and followed. Once again he was speechless. He feared he’d provoke an answer to soon end this moment which could be their last walk together. Perhaps, his mean inner voice said, Norbert was so relaxed because he had no feelings towards him anymore.

They left the town and strolled along lush green meadows and soft looking hills. It was a soothing sight with no bright colors and no loud noises. It was like the entire landscape had regards for Mortimer, who felt like he would fall apart any moment.

Norbert took the other boy’s silence as waiting. Waiting for the right words at the right time. Also Norbert didn’t want to say anything unnecessary. He had been practicing his little speech all day but he couldn’t decide if it sounded good or awful. He just hoped for the best.

When they reached the place he had chosen for them he stopped and turned around to face the other boy. 

Mortimer realized the moment had come and held his breath. His heart was pounding against his chest. 

Please, say yes.

„Morrie,“ Norbert rasped and quickly cleared his throat.

„I’ve been thinking about what you said and… I think you’re right. So I did it. I broke up with her.“ 

Norbert paused and looked at Mortimer to see his reaction.

The other boy didn’t move a muscle.

He just didn’t give him anything, didn’t he?

Norbert gulped down the knot that was forming in his throat and continued:

„I know we didn’t have the best start. I guess I acted really weird around you, but… I’ve never had these feelings for a boy before and I didn’t know what to do. 

I may still act weird now, but I’m serious. You’re special to me, Morrie. Definitely not a number on a list. I’m sorry it looked like it. I had no idea how much I hurt you but I won’t do it again. 

Please give me a chance. I really want to be with you, not for…just a week, or a month, but…forever. I promise I won’t date anyone else apart from you again. It’ll be just the two of us.“

Norbert took a deep breath.

„I love you.“

With that, he took Morrie’s hands, these wonderful slim hands, and lifted them up to his lips. He kissed them gently, carefully, as if they could break from his touch. His heart was pounding loudly in his throat when he dared to look Mortimer into the eyes for a second time. 

The other boy was still silent and Norbert couldn’t stand it.

What did he do wrong? Was it too clumsy, too cheesy? What if Mortimer didn’t want him forever?

Please, say something.

Mortimer however feared he would break out into tears as soon as he opened his mouth. Norbert had said all these wonderful words he had expected to never hear from him. He had chosen him, against everything and everyone he could have. It was like a dream.

Suddenly he felt tears running down his cheeks. 

Well, with the barrier broken, there was no reason to hold back anymore.

„You’re the…best that ever…happened to me. I don’t…deserve you. You’ve been so good to me…all the time and I was…horrible,“ he stammered between sobs.

He surprised the other boy very much with his outburst. 

Now Norbert was helpless. He had seen all kinds of reactions to his affection, but no one had broken into tears. His only attempt to stop the flood was to grab him again and kiss him with passion. This time Mortimer embraced him and tried his best to follow Norbert’s lead. It was safe to say that it felt very good. 

When they let go of each other, Norbert didn’t leave it at that. He started kissing Mortimer’s cheeks.

The tears, Mortimer thought. He’s kissing my tears away. Oh god.

He gasped.

„I love you so much!

[sapphireharrie]

wasnt one last kiss enough?

the one where harry doesn’t feel the same

Y/n is doomed,

super doomed,

and by doomed, she meant a total catastrophe, the end of the fucking world, doom. Of course, her timing is never perfect, when in the world is her timing ever perfect? Considering the time that she is certain that she is in love with someone the universe laughed in front of her face, the universe hates her guts so much that she has to confessed to her roommate after 3 years of living together, that she is in love with her best friend, and it drives her crazy. It was Saturday night, she was re-watching her favourite TV show, Friends, when her best friend, Harry, texted her,

I’m proposing next month. Ring is ready, photographer is ready, all is well-planned, I just need you to be there for me so I don’t look like a fool.

She was confused, thinking has Harry been drinking again? Of course not, Harry is not the drinking-until-drunk-and-out-of-control type of guy, and she knows that by heart because that is one of the many reasons she fell for Harry. Pathetic? Really. Falling in love with her own best friend that already has a girlfriend, not to mention, a really pretty, supermodel type of girlfriend that almost every man dreamt of being with.

She panicked, how can she not? The man she fell in love with for 7 years is proposing to someone and asked for her help and she couldn’t say no, hell, Harry could ask her to jump off a cliff for him and she would say yes in a heartbeat without thinking, so she texted him back,

Of course, big guy.

She regretted it immediately the second she hit the send button. Ten minutes later she decided to call her roommate to come home immediately because of emergency, her exact words were, “I made a big mistake, a fucking big mistake, this is not a drill, this is an emergency, this is my life we’re talking about!”

Being the bestest roommate that she is, Caroline, rushed to their apartment thinking the worst thing possible just happened to her one and only roommate, with her phone in her hand, ready to call 911.

“What happened? What happened?” Caroline rushed through the door, limping, because she hit herself on the knee with the vanity by the door.

“Harry asked my help to propose his girlfriend.” Y/n said, biting her nails, because for the love of Zeus, she’s nervous.

“So? Help him, I mean, you never said anything bad about– who’s his girlfriend again?”

“Rosie.”

“Yeah, Rosie. You said to me that she’s perfect for him, right? Oh my god, I came all the way from the pub for this?” Caroline asked, throwing herself to the sofa, and contemplating to just kill her roommate for what she puts her through.

“Uh, well, yeah, but Care–”

“Oh, my fucking God, you’re fucking in love with him, aren’t you?” Caroline stand up immediately, dropping her phone to the floor, Y/n secretly hope that her phone is alright, because if it is not, well, let’s just say she will have to spend a couple hundred dollars for that.

“I, well–”

“I fucking knew it, you’ve been in love with him this whole time! That’s why you always rejected every guy that I’m about to introduce you to before even meeting them, saying that you don’t have time for boyfriends, ugh, I knew it was all bullshit, how can you never say anything to me?” Caroline yelled, throwing her hands around to show her that she really is mad, that she is beyond mad, she is in fact, furious.

“I couldn’t, okay? I didn’t know I was really falling in love with him, I thought it was just a silly crush that will go away later, okay? I didn’t realize that it has been years and I still had this silly crush over him,” she huffed, just realizing how stupid she is, because for God’s sake, it has been 7 years,

“Years? For how long? How many years have you been keeping this secret from him?”

“Seven,” she mumbled because she was humiliated with herself,

“Can’t hear you!”

“Seven years, okay! I’ve been in love with him for seven years!” Y/n finally yelled, getting irritated because of course Caroline will never shut up about this for the rest of her life.

“Oh my god, you’re an idiot. You have the highest GPA in this university but you’re a fucking idiot. Call him, call him right now!” Caroline said, she was in the verge of crying, she doesn’t even know why this hurts her so much, she was imagining what it must felt like for her best friend keeping her feeling for years. That’s Caroline for you, the best person that everyone can think of.

“And say what? What do you want me to say? ‘Hello H, it’s me, I got your text, congratulation with your soon to be proposal, oh by the way, I’ve been in love with you for seven fucking years!’ That’s what you want me to say? That I’m in love with him a month before his proposal, being the best friend that I am?” Y/n yelled, crying her heart out to the only person that she knows will understand her,

“I’ve known you my whole life, we’ve been roommates for three years, and never in my life did I think of you as a coward. Talk to him before it’s too late, because I won’t let you be someone that regret not doing everything that she can do for something she wholeheartedly loves. I won’t let you be that person.”

***

Y/n doesn’t know the exact time she fell in love with Harry. Maybe it was when he stood up for her in high school when his girlfriend called her a whore for hanging out at Harry’s place all the time. Maybe it was when Harry was willing to be her prom date when her date bailed on her. Or maybe it was when no matter where Harry is whether he is half a world away or just steps away from her, she is still the first person that he called whenever there’s good news or even just when he got his favourite limited-edition candle and he is really happy about it. Maybe it was when Harry keeps all of her skin-care in his guest bathroom just in case she wanted to stay over and doesn’t bring any. She watched a movie in Netflix once that said something along, ‘you like someone because, and you love someone despite.’ She loves Harry despite his lack of filter whenever he’s around her, she loves Harry despite his lifestyles that are very different with her, she loves Harry despite his love for blue cheese, she hates blue cheese more than anything. She loves Harry despite his annoying behaviour whenever she had masks on and that he’ll do anything and everything to make her laugh and ruin her mask. She likes Harry because, and she loves Harry despite.

***

So, there she is, in Harry’s living room, two weeks before his proposal to his girlfriend, contemplating on whether she should tell him she loves him or just get on with her life without him ever knowing her feelings to him. If she chooses the latter, then she would be a coward, and she doesn’t want to be a coward, and her tiny little space in her heart is hoping that maybe, just maybe, there’s a slight chance for her and Harry, and that maybe if she tells him that she loves him, Harry would pick her, maybe.

“Lovie, what do you want to watch?” Harry asked, sitting comfortably beside her, throwing his left hand behind her, almost cuddling her,

“Whatever, I’m fine.” She answered, half-heartedly because to be honest, she didn’t come to Harry’s apartment at 11pm to watch movies together or binge-watch any shows.

“Friends it is then, is that okay?” Harry asked, well, it was actually a rhetorical question because they watch Friends all the time. Harry grabbed his phone, busy texting someone rather than watching the shows with his best friend.

“H, I need to talk to you.” She blurted it out of the blue, fidgeting her fingers, one of her annoying habits that harry picked up years ago,

“Ok, a second.” Harry said without lifting his head up from his phone, still typing a long-ass paragraph with his right hand, “M’kay, what is it?” He finally locked his phone and finally put his phone down.

“There’s something that I need to tell you. I don’t know how to say this, because I’ve been keeping it for years from you, and I don’t want you change your mind about anything after I say it to you, and know that it takes everything in me to say this to you.” She said, running out of breath.

“Ok, you’re scaring me now, Lovie. Is Rosie cheating on me?” Harry asked, shifting his position so he is facing her,

“No, no! What? No, it’s about me. Well I don’t know how to say it!” She yelled again, taking her hands to cover her face up, she’s frustrated.

“You? What’s wrong, Lovie? Just, blurt it out. I promise I will listen to you, like always, ok?” Harry said, crossing his hands to his heart,

“Well, you promised. Ok so here goes nothing,” this time it was her turn to shift, facing Harry, “I’m in love with you. I don’t know when and I don’t know how, what I know is I’ve been keeping this feeling from you for 7 years and it fucking hurts me every time you go out with someone else. At first, I thought it was just some silly crush that will go away, but it doesn’t and it hurts. I didn’t want to tell you at first, because I don’t want to lose our friendship, I’m okay with keeping my feelings from you as long as I still have you as my best friend; someone that talks to me at 3am when I am drinking my ass off, someone to call home. But, hearing the news that you’re going to propose to someone else today made me realise that you never see me that way and whether I tell you I’m in love with you or not, I’m still going to lose you. You won’t call me at 4am anymore just because you’re lonely, because now you will have someone else beside you, and it pains me knowing that it won’t be me. I don’t know why I decided to tell you now but I thought if I didn’t, I’m never going to tell you. So, that’s all I wanted to say to you. This is me pouring all of my heart to you.” She finally said it, she managed not to cry while pouring all of her feelings to him, but she won’t lie, she’s a second away from blinking her tears from her eyes.

Harry froze. Not knowing what to say because, how the hell do you face your best friend who is confessing her love to you? Harry froze because he doesn’t know how to react. There she is, his best friend, his very own best friend, crying in front of him, pouring all of her heart out, saying that she’s in love with him, and he doesn’t feel the same. Harry does not feel the same. And for the love of god, does Harry know that she’s in love with him this whole time because he is not a goddamn idiot.

“I know.” Is all that Harry managed to say. I know, the only two words that came out of Harry’s mouth.

“What?”

“I know. I know that you’ve been in love with me for years. Do you think I wouldn’t realise why you haven’t been with someone for the last–what? 4 years? 5 years?” He finally broke the silence once again, “Saying that you don’t want to be in a relationship, that men don’t impress you anymore, that you feel icky talking about love yet all that you watch is romcom all the time. You expect me to believe all that bullshit, yet every time I’m gushing about my vacation and date with Rosie your mood suddenly changes? Yet every time I’m with Rosie you had to walk away because you can’t stand seeing me with someone else? Making my love feels like my best friend hated her? I know you’ve been in love with me this whole time.” This time it was finally Harry’s time to poured all of his secret that he’s been keeping.

Harry noticed the changes in Y/n face when he called Rosie his love; how the fountain in her eyes decided to fall with no intention to stop. He wishes more than anything that he could have told her that her pain is also hurting him. But, how could he? It will only add another sadness in her, what’s worse is maybe it will add another hope in her. He read somewhere that how someone react to one’s sadness says a lot about their feeling to them, so he chose not to.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?” she asked, breathlessly, not wanting to know the answer of that question.

“The same reason you didn’t. Lovie, you have to understand that I don’t feel the same. I don’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want it to be true.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Call you what? Lovie? I call you that all the time, it doesn’t mean anything. Just a silly pet name.” He said, and Harry cursed himself because how does everything that comes from his mouth sound so mean now, he was just telling the truth. But he knows that she doesn’t think it was just a silly name, because a silly name would be baby, love, or even honey but not Lovie. He made Lovie specifically for her, everyone knows Lovie is Y/n.

“What do you want me to do, Y/n?” he asked, helplessly, because God knows he really don’t know what to do.

“I don’t know what I want. You want me to be honest? I want you. I want you to be the love of my life. I want you to love me more than you love her. What I want in the world more than anything is for you to love me back. God, H, this me begging to you. You know that I don’t beg. This is me breaking all of my walls to you. Because to be fair, I’d do anything for you, and you know that.” She’s frustrated now, this is not her at all, everyone knows how Y/n is. She never asks, even Harry feels like he’s looking at someone he doesn’t know at all. “Don’t. Don’t ask me that, it is hard enough for me watching you fall for me like that. Don’t ask me to love you back, you know more than anyone that I could never love you like that.” But then whatever comes after that was something she never expect, Harry kissed her. They have kissed before; several drunken kisses, some please-get-better kisses, some playful kisses, but this one is different, this feels more like a goodbye kiss.

“Please know that it takes everything in me to ask you this, that I never imagined our friendship to come to this, that I never imagined these words coming out from my mouth ever.” He sighed,  

“Please never see me again, at least until you know that you don’t have any more feelings for me. Please don’t ever wait for me, I’m not worth your time.” He stopped for a second,

“All I want in the world right now, is to see you walking out my life.” He finally said it, and God does it hurts so bad, he feels like a douche-bag right now, because he was supposed to be there for his best friend, right? He was supposed to be the only person who would never hurt her. But instead, he asked her to leave. Who does that to their own best friend?

“I want you to watch me leave, then. I want you to remember this exact feeling when you let me go. I want you to remember the feeling when you let your best friend go and how you are the person that broke me, when you promised me years ago that you would be the one person who will never hurt me.” She then proceeds to walk out of his door, out of his life. God knows that he will remember that feeling; watching his best friend for seven years leaving him alone and there’s nothing that he can do to stop her because to be fair, he asked her.

***

It was 3am, 3 months after Harry’s proposal to his soon to be wife and a month before their wedding. She doesn’t want to know, but Caroline got the news, and she literally begged her to tell her everything. She even made Caroline spill their wedding theme, which is a celestial with star-infused wedding invites. Caroline made sure Harry didn’t invite Y/n even though he still gave Caroline her invitation and that it was all up to Y/n whether she wanted to come or not. She broke down when Caroline gave her the invitation. The words, ‘the sky is the limit’ is written beautifully on the invitation. They got a constellation-inspired wedding theme. Constellation was both Y/n and Harry’s favourite thing in the world, they can memorise every constellation possible together, and star-gazing was their favourite thing to do, they both are so in love with the universe, how ironic since the universe is literally against her. 

Caroline asked her to go out with her that night, to drink all of her sorrows, and who is she to deny that? But little did she knows that, that decision leads her to her half-sober self, calling Harry at 3am, she had his number blocked before, god knows why she unblocked it now. But it went straight to voicemail, of course he’s not going to pick up, he’s probably asleep in his fiancée’s arms. But then, 5 minutes later she received a text,

Why did you call?

and the second after,

Wasn’t one last kiss enough?

[gothsic]

☼ - and so... MARIE appears. - @citialiin​​, what will you choose?

perhaps some of you will be surprised to see her face, when she has not been given a chance to speak yet. but why should she, when the truth was that she was quite far away from the situation at hand? yes. she really did want to separate herself from him, but the more she tried, the more impossible it became. somehow, he found ways to sneak into her life - crawl into the spaces that were left behind, growing dusty from neglect.

allow ourselves an intermission from your regularly scheduled despair to get a look into the mind of one annette kaye, whose past as marie samson is one that you are all likely familiar with already. but the trouble is that annie was, quite unfortunately, never allowed to be given a chance away from the rather catastrophic existence that was jonathan vastielle. in a way, she was never going to escape the past - it was always there, ready and willing to catch up with her. and my, what fast feet it had! but perhaps the answer was not to run away, but to acknowledge that it happened, and simply move forward.

it was a shame then, that jonathan had approached her that fateful night - not the one you might all know, but one after a particular incident had happened. and yes, she had been watching from the sidelines; though she wanted nothing to do with him, there was something gratifying about watching him fall from grace. regardless, she maintained her distance; not answered a word he said, not bothered to acknowledge him wherever she might have seen him in the real world ( and yes, he had a troubling way of making his presence known ). but, in a disconcerting twist of events, he had made himself known to her with a crazed grab of her arm as she took the first step up her doorway and tried her best to evade him. she was not going to let him, no, not this time. he could sink back into the misery from whence he came! but, alas, those bloodshot eyes, that quivering lip, all of it begot the phrase he uttered next; shakily so:

“ help me, just... i can’t do this anymore! don’t let me fuck up again... please. “

how uncharacteristic of him. how out of character. that desperate plea, enough to rattle the mind of anyone who heard it, especially disturbed annie that night. was he out of his mind, approaching her there? so obvious? she could have easily called the cops on him, and yet he had still risked it. perhaps it was the alcohol on his breath ( he reeked that night, she recalled with a grimace and turn of her nose ) that gave away the extent of his recklessness. yes. that must have been it. something must have disturbed him enough to resort to this, the escape.

ziggy stardust. that was the key in this puzzle - and across from him she sat in the present. how did it come to be like this, in the middle of this fancy dining room with the candles set out in front of them and her face made-up, hair done, and little black dress that went to her ankles worn due to the restaurant’s dress code? the answer was both simple and complicated, and really did send her often self-conscious mind in a bit of a whirl.

that night, she had humored him, watched him break down in front of her. it truly was a pathetic sight, but also not quite unlike watching a puppy wander lost through the pouring rain, unable to find shelter. he truly did look as though he had no other recourse than to turn to her, the one whom he had treated as his personal therapist for so long. true, part of her fumed that she had even bothered to listen to his drunken ramblings of his monstrousness, his self-imposed isolation, and god knew what else. all she knew by the time he had wiped away at his tear-stained cheeks was the unusual amalgam of varying emotions filling her heart, making her chest hurt: anger, exhaustion, but above all else... sadness. sadness for him, really. he truly was a lost cause. it seemed as though that flamboyant musician really had gotten under his skin, just as she had. and yet... what had she said?

“ if you think you fucked up so badly, just go talk to him. “

however, she doubted that jonathan would even do such a thing in the first place. still, he had come to her, had he not? truthfully, the entire situation was so strange that she, too, found herself getting wrapped up in the entire farce that was being put on display before her very eyes. jonathan... liking someone enough and feeling desperately lonely enough to regret how terribly he treated them? surely, the sky was falling, she thought at the time. the devastation that was present in her eyes had made the situation all the more uncomfortable.

and perhaps that was why she tracked the musician down directly, making sure to grab his attention as best she could.

“ i don’t want an autograph. ...it’s about jonathan vastielle; the guy whose artwork you were supposed to use? just hear me out. “

what was she doing? did she not vow to leave jonathan behind in the quicksand in which he continued to sink? maybe so, and still, she was keeping true to that promise. who knew how many times jonathan was going to come to her home, keep pestering her, make it so that she would have to file a restraining order against him ( though that may not have stopped him in this state ). it was best, she had decided, to get things to a stable end - and perhaps she held some responsibility in the matter. after all, she was marie samson. he had involved her, and she had gotten entangled in his affairs all those years ago.

she really did pity him. that breakdown of his... was there a chance? truly a chance that he could improve? become something better than what he currently was? that sadness and hopelessness in his eyes were not the eyes of the monster who had toyed with her emotions and yet become so ravenous for her. no. it was something else. something... truer to the self that lay trapped behind the wall with its many bricks and foundations, not haphazardly maintained.

a little boy, crying for the chance he never had to truly be good.

“ um, look. “ she paused, brushing a strand of her away from her ear. “ i really did mean what i said earlier. i wanted to talk to you about this because, i think, anyway, that he’s... he’s a complicated case. i would know. i mean, i’ve said that already, but... “

nervously, her fingers toyed with the bridge of her glasses, adjusting them against her nose - pushing them up, though there was no need for adjustment. it was strange, surreal, actually, finally getting a chance to talk for the first time. really talk. sure, she had been honest with him before about the nature of jonathan’s disease ( not any specific, textbook disease, but his entire being ought to have been compared to a rotting corpse - the stench would fill up the lives of any who associated with him, but... ). and yet still, she was here, trying to convince him of something... well, maybe completely mad.

“ he hurt me. yeah. he did; i’ll never forgive him for that, and i’m sure all his past relationships, platonic and romantic won’t forgive him either, but... i don’t know. what he did that night was unlike anything he’d ever done before. it was just... “ a pause, as her gaze glossed over - becoming distant. she stared idly at the flame flickering from the candle, ziggy’s form becoming blurred against its warm light. “ i think he meant it. i don’t think he would’ve come to me so out of character if he didn’t, well... if he didn’t feel so hopeless. i’m just here as an emissary, or... i don’t fucking know, some missionary for the cause of repairing whatever your friendship was. he... i guess he misses you. it’s weird to you, maybe. to me too - he never really says he misses anyone. well... except for me, i guess. that’s why this is so weird. “

she let loose a soft sigh, and managed to glance at him again. he really was an unusual character - so made-up. why jonathan even liked the guy was beyond her ( well, she found him amusing and entertaining, even enjoyed - and owned - some of his music, but he definitely was not jonathan’s usual type ).

“ call this an olive branch. i’m not saying forgive him, but... i dunno. he’s trying. he’s... attempting. i guess that’s better than fucking feeling sorry for himself like he used to. i mean, he’s still there, whining about what a piece of shit he is and being complacent in that fact, but it could be much worse. trust me. it could. “

she scratched the back of the neck, allowing herself a moment to attune her senses the sounds of gentle, humming chatter from the los angeles elite and the equally muted classical piece being played live in the back of the room. clinking of forks, of spoons, of knives... nobody could know the stakes of the conversation at hand.

“ call me a bleeding heart. he’s a fucking mess, but he needs a translator to function, so... here i am. ask me whatever you want about him, and i’ll try to answer. lord knows he needs an actual friend - i mean, you seem willing to deal with him again. that’ll help his case. assuming you two get along again, hopefully that gets him the hell away from me too. “

“ ...so, basically what i’m saying is, if you choose to hear him out, assuming he does, then... just don’t tell him i’m around. i’d rather just fade into obscurity. this is probably the stupidest shit i could possibly do, but... i see the stupid repressed child in him wanting a release, i guess. it deserves to get some respite, even if he’s honestly satan incarnate to a degree. “

[jennycalendar]

blindsided

read it on ao3!

“I think you chose those frames to make yourself look austere and professorial. I like you better with them off.”

(Early S4. Anya shows up looking for Xander, and finds Giles instead.)

i mostly just really wanted to write soft, tentative giles/anya, because That Really Is How Season 4 Should Have Gone. That Should Have Happened. they’ve literally both just lost their calling and are looking for any and every distraction!!!!! they’re both lonely and sad and big-hearted!!!!! i love them!!!!!!

also this fic took me 27 years to title and i just want that stated.

“I was informed that Xander would be here,” said Anya without preamble, pushing past an indignantly bewildered Giles to peer further into the apartment—as though Giles might have hidden Xander in the kitchen, or tucked him into a cabinet. “Why isn’t he here?”

“Because this is my house,” said Giles, irritation finally spurring him to shut the door and follow Anya into the kitchen. As she opened his refrigerator, he added, “And I do not appreciate uninvited guests inserting themselves into my life for no reason—”

“Then you should really lock your door,” said Anya, removing the container of leftover pasta that Giles had made himself the night before and shutting the door. “Do you have anything to drink?”

“Stop—stop that,” said Giles, exasperated, and attempted to take the pasta back. Anya dodged him, weaving nimbly through the kitchen to grab a fork from the silverware drawer. “You can’t just come into my house under the guise of looking for Xander—”

“Oh, no, I am looking for Xander,” said Anya matter-of-factly, swinging herself up to sit on the counter. “I just don’t feel like going home on an empty stomach if all my searching has been for naught. Did he head home?”

“Why on earth are you looking for Xander?” This time, Giles tried to grab the fork; Anya batted his hand away. “Really, Anya—”

“It’s none of your business,” Anya scolded him. Him. The person whose house she was forcibly occupying. “You should treat your guests more politely, you know.”

“Guests,” said Giles, “are people who I choose to invite into my home, or people who are always welcome. You are neither. I can accept that getting you to leave is a futile effort, but I will not have you eating the pasta I was going to have for dinner.”

“You can make yourself your own pasta all over again, Giles,” Anya informed him through a mouthful of pasta. “Incidentally, this is delicious!”

Resigned, and resenting it, Giles leaned against the counter, staring at the refrigerator and feeling the exhausted sense that his life was entirely out of his hands. Anya’s arrival only seemed to cement the feeling that had begun ever since the Council’s firing: that his only authority over the children, and the only respect he garnered from others, had come from his status as Watcher to the Slayer. He had been comforted by his job as librarian, but now even that was gone—

“Hey,” said Anya suddenly. Her voice had softened. “You look sad. You wanna talk about it?”

Giles pressed his lips together. Then he said, “I really did want that pasta. That’s all.”

“Oh,” said Anya. She looked down at the pasta, bit her lip, and handed it back to Giles. “I didn’t realize it was such a problem,” she said. “All the kids come to your place and you don’t seem to mind. I’ll, uh, I should just—” She jumped down from the counter, brushing against Giles as she turned to hurry out of the kitchen.

“Anya?” said Giles.

Anya turned.

And it was the oddest thing, but all of a sudden, Giles remembered that this was not a college student in his kitchen. Anya was studying him with ageless, tired eyes, and she looked exactly as unmoored as he felt. “I have some scotch,” he said. “If you’d like some.”

“God yes,” said Anya, “no one in this town has been willing to serve me the alcohol I’m entitled to.” She grinned, a bright, sweet smile the likes of which Giles hadn’t received from an adult since— “Is this ‘cause I gave you back your pasta?”

“I find it helpful to encourage good behavior,” said Giles, who didn’t really want to say I think we’re both lonely, and I think I should do something about that.

Anya could hold her scotch. Giles was beginning to feel rather comfortingly drunk, but Anya’s smile was still sharp, her eyes alert, her knees brushing against Giles’s as they sat facing each other on the couch. “Tell me something interesting,” she said.

Giles laughed a bit wryly. “You don’t want to hear me blather on,” he said. “Very few people do.”

“Well, I’m bored,” said Anya, crossing her arms, “and I want to know something about the guy supplying me with high-quality liquor. Make my night a little more interesting, Giles.”

“Rupert,” said Giles.

Anya raised an eyebrow.

“Only the children call me Giles,” Giles elaborated. “And you aren’t a child, are you?”

Soft and slow, Anya smiled, leaning forward ever so slightly. “No, I’m not,” she said. “I think most of your charges seem to forget that.”

“You act like you don’t know what you’re doing,” said Giles. “I don’t think that helps the matter.”

Anya’s smile faded. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said.

Now it was Giles’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “You seem startlingly competent,” he said. “Given the circumstances.”

“Well, thanks for that sparkling endorsement,” said Anya dryly, taking a sip from her glass. She hesitated, eyes on the scotch, then said, “Being human is scary and confusing, and I’m not at all looking forward to dying. I don’t like that everyone looks at me like I’m some infant, and I don’t like that there are all these new rules for being human that I never needed to learn. And now I do. And I’m going to have to live out that boring mortal life that I never wanted, instead of watching the world burn like I always wanted, and—” She exhaled, a frustrated, heartbroken noise. “I didn’t choose any of this,” she said.

Giles leaned against the couch, studying her face. “Why were you looking for Xander?” he said, though he thought he might already know the answer.

Anya was still staring at her scotch. “The answer’s pretty pathetic,” she said.

“Good to know you’re a maudlin drunk,” said Giles, and laughed, more from the alcohol than from any actual amusement.

It took Anya a long moment to look up. Her face softened a little as she looked at him, in a way that spoke of…possibility. Almost. “Xander took me to the prom,” she said. “That’s a human thing that humans talk about. He took me to the prom, and he wore a rented tux, and he slow-danced with me to some song I kind of liked. And…” She trailed off. “I remembered,” she said. “I was in his arms, and I remembered what it was like to be human. All the confusion, and the warmth, and the love…”

“Xander’s a bit young for you, isn’t he?” said Giles lightly.

Anya gave him a withering look. “Everyone’s a bit young for me,” she said. “If I’ve only got a few decades before I shuffle off this mortal coil, I’m going to have to find someone fast. I am not dying alone.”

Her words made something catch and break in Giles’s heart. “Well,” he said. “You’re still younger than me, at least biologically, and I’ve yet to find that someone yet. I don’t think you should settle for the very first—”

“Rupert, I’ve seen empires fall and civilizations rise,” said Anya flatly. “However long I have left is a heartbeat compared to how long I’ve lived. I don’t have the time that you do. I will never have the time that you do. So—” She stopped, looking at Giles with a strange expression. “What?”

Giles had only registered one word. “You called me Rupert,” he said.

Anya hesitated. “Rupert,” she said again, and swallowed. “Can I—”

“Yes,” said Giles.

“You don’t even—”

“Yes,” said Giles.

Anya reached up and took off his glasses, setting them on the coffee table, looking tentatively back up at him. Vision slightly blurred, Giles saw her as more soft than angular, blonde hair soaking up the lamplight and radiating it outwards like a gentle golden sun. “I came here looking to kiss Xander,” she said, a self-deprecating laugh in her voice. “Isn’t that funny?”

“Please never say his name again in that context and I’ll laugh all you like,” said Giles a little breathlessly.

In return Anya smiled, soft and almost shy, and—she looked her age. Old, and wise, and so bizarrely gentle, even after all she’d seen. “I do like you,” she said. “I think you chose those frames to make yourself look austere and professorial. I like you better with them off.”

Giles’s heart was beating very fast. “Anya,” he said. His voice shook. “I hope you know—”

“No, I get it,” said Anya. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his in a way that was more companionable than romantic. “I do get it, Rupert. You need gentle handling.”

“I think the same could be said for you,” Giles murmured. He ached to kiss her, and couldn’t at all blame it on the alcohol. She had seen so much, lost so much—

Anya took his face in her hands. “I’m not very good at being human,” she said. “I don’t know what I want, and it might not be you. Are those deal-breakers?”

“Actually, we may be on the exact same page,” said Giles, reaching up to trace her cheek with a fingertip. “I don’t know—I feel I’ve lost my center. My purpose. I don’t know how I can go on like this much longer if I’m on my own.”

Anya let out a soft, shaking breath. “You know, I’m really glad Xander wasn’t here?” she whispered. “I think I would have done something I couldn’t take back.”

“And this can be taken back?” said Giles carefully.

“No, this—” Anya hesitated, then kissed him—really just a brush of a kiss, but the brief touch made warmth flare in Giles’s chest. It had been so long—too long—since he had shared a kiss with someone who had understood.“I wanted to know what it felt like to be human,” she said unsteadily. “I wanted Xander to make me feel like a human girl, with a human boyfriend and petty human concerns. I was so lost in that want that I don’t think I thought about whether I wanted Xander.”

“Please stop saying Xander,” said Giles, and kissed her again, grinning a little as she giggled against his mouth.

She pulled back to look at him. “Rupert,” said Anya, earnest and a little nervous, “what I’m saying is—I think I like you.”

Giles raised his eyebrows, doing his best to look surprised.

“Stop—stop,” Anya laughed, and kissed him again, moving forward on the couch to straddle Giles’s lap. The warm weight of her in his arms, her hair brushing his face, made Giles feel—he hadn’t felt like this in years. Cozy. Happy. “I like you,” Anya whispered again, sounding almost surprised by the notion, as though she hadn’t expected to like any part of this new life—and Giles, no longer a Watcher, could understand that quite intimately.

“I—” Giles felt the words catch in his throat. He thought of Jenny dead on his bed.

Anya stilled, pulling back to look at him. “Yeah?”

He could stop this, he knew. Now, before he loved and lost again. But Anya was right—they only had a certain amount of time to live, and any moment of happiness was one worth seizing. He could learn quite a lot from her. “Like you,” he finished, grinning a bit at Anya’s pleased, preening smile. “I like you, Anya.”

“You have excellent taste,” said Anya, kissing him again. “I think I’m going to keep you around.”

“All the vengeance demons were telling me that it was the Watchers you had to keep an eye out for,” said Anya blissfully, a few hours later, sprawled gracelessly across Giles’s bed and taking up a startling amount of space for someone so small. “They said the Watchers were terrible at their jobs but incredible in bed, if you picked the right one.” She grinned, rolling over onto her side to face him. “You know, Rupert, I think I really did.”

And for the first time since the destruction of Sunnydale High, Giles really, properly started laughing.