#not saying the show unless someone ask
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Guess who has a random hyperfixation on a canadian nickelodeon show….meeeee…
#it’s very little tho and I haven’t watched the show yet but i may or may not have a crush on one of them..#not saying the show unless someone ask
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what ive been trying to do lately with series that drive me bonkers but are unavoidable is to reframe how i think about it from "i cannot understand how something so poorly done is so popular" into "if this malarkey can be so wildly loved and celebrated, why should i feel bad about my own art and writing?"
#i wont say which series makes me feel this way explicitly unless asked bc I dont actually want to be a hater#however its its hard for me to get why certain things are defended to hell and back when its like#go girl give us nothing#so ive come to view it like like hey you know what if this show becomes the new standard for 'good' then more power to you#bc i can sit over here in the corner and feel like a vis dev genius bc im capable of drawing someone with a BMI greater than 16
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found someone talking about my fic(s) in the wild on twt earlier today and oh my god it still makes me wanna cry, they were so so so nice
#fay talks#it seriously was divine intervention bc we’d never interacted before and I’m rarely on twt#but i was scrolling thru my feed and saw someone talking about a fic they liked that hasn’t updated since nov 2023… and i thought hmm…#and then they said there were nine chapters available and i said HMM………#and then someone asked and they said it was 19 days and I said HUH#and then they linked my fics in the thread!!!! 😭😭😭#i don’t know why but that meant so much to me#sometimes i don’t think my works exist unless someone else says they do#which is awful in a way and shows I’m too dependent on feedback/reassurance/support#but also it’s amazing that hundreds of people have read my fics (whether they liked the fic or not lol) and that just seems insane to me#i’m so grateful! so shy! so happy! so inspired!#sorry I just had to get this out of my system and I couldn’t do it on twt bc they might have seen me acting like a fool over smth so small#oh — and the same goes for the handful of times I’ve seen ppl recommending my fics here on tumblr too. like oh my god??? thank you 😭😭😭#i need to get a hold of myself i can’t keep tearing up over things like this 😭
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There's a certain something something to Bojack Horseman that makes it not really furry media despite ostensibly having all the elements it needs. I think I need to rewatch that Patricia Taxxon video bc for the life of me I cannot figure out what it is
#is it the art style? the content?#i feel like furry stuff today and furry stuff of the 90s i occasionally see and like disney robin hood is all on a continuum#like theres a timeline there#but bojack horseman is like. outside of that#but how???#it literally cant be#i just dont see it and think furry#i do remember the video mentioning sensory elements of furry content which#in all honesty#bojack horsman does Not do im my memory#like dog characters act like dogs but theyre not fluffy even if they technically are#funny how they confirmed horse characters have horse dicks tho. thats histerical love it 10/10 no notes#the art style is probably part of it a bit tho because every animal is just animal head + fur or feathers or whatever + normal human torso#regardless of anything#with no tail#except one scorpion#so its stylized but its not flexible like most furry stuff is#i dont wanna say it doesnt allude towards the autistic though because i really have no idea#might send her an ask#theres also the fact that the characters arent fursonas unless they reference someone specific and then they rarely are mesnt ro mean shiblt#beyond puns#like mr. pb isnt someone as a dog. hes a dog#but maybe all furry stuff is like that#i think the animal stuff in BH is meant to be entertaining and connect the audience to a certain reality where accidently winning a ski race#to become governor of california is possible in the same universe as serious decades long history of alcoholism#having the MC be a horse opens the door for him to drink comical levels of alcohol and be a former sitcom character in-universe#which is a) funny as fuck and b) makes it easier to stay invested as the show slowly but steadily tells you in season 1 early on that ->#things do matter in this show and the things you find funny are also frequently very real and we will tell tou what the difference is if#you listen. so theres that#hit tag limit gdnt
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I don’t speak Japanese so I’d LOVE to hear more about the differences between the English and Japanese Re:Zero fandoms
yeah sure its very interesting to me now that ive noticed it more lately :o !! though ok disclaimer - i dont speak japanese either hah so if anyone is seeing this and does speak japanese + is familiar with the japanese speaking side of this fandom please add info if youd like!! and of course ill be mainly speaking from the english side of things bc im more familiar with that yes (sorry anon again im not a japanese speaker T^TT so sorry if i tread on info you already know!!). but yeah im speaking from my own experiences given the Topic at hand. ive been in this fandom since... 2019?? which is so wild to me aljsdfljsd.
anyway so - i think the big difference is mainly that the english fandom and many english speaking people that engage with rezero are. to put it bluntly, misconception runs Rampant to a very Interesting degree. to the point where it seems like the english speaking side of the fandom is More. Aggressive. than the japanese fandom. not that the japanese speaking side of the fandom is perfect - also bc what fandom is ever perfect 100% of the time, tbh - but that the louder people in the english rezero fandom are. well its a Very low bar. Very low. and from what little ive seen and heard so far, the japanese fandom tends to understand rezero and its characters better than the english fandom. which ig makes sense bc you know, rezero is japanese media, and also im sure cultural differences come into play here as well (im not familiar enough on this to speak about it in depth but the cultural differences feel Pretty Clear even though i cant 100% put my finger on what they specifically are).
but also bc yeah. its not That hard to beat some of the english fandom when it comes to media comprehension. misreading rezero is unfortunately Extremely common, both in and out of the rezero community. its Everywhere - youtube, myanimelist, ao3, ff.net, reddit, twitter, various rezero discords - and from what ive experienced, rezero tumblr basically kind of feels like finding an oasis after crawling through the desert for days on end lajdslfjs. which is probs bc rezero tumblr is Smaller and also a lot of us seem to be lgbtq+ in some way or be allies, so you dodge a lot of the misogyny and homophobia that happens in other rezero english circles. its why you see a lot of openly queer rezero-related posts on here while its a bit more. barren. in other rezero english places yes. bc its more safe to post queer rezero things on rezero tumblr rather than rezero reddit for Sure.
im not sure how the japanese fandom is with that exactly but theres some interesting differences between whats popular in the english fandom vs the japanese fandom. i mean as an otto fan ive been noticing how hes more popular with the japanese fandom—and on top of that, ottosuba is Way More popular in the japanese fandom too. reinsuba and julisuba seem to usually be the most popular mlm subaru ships in both fandoms but ottosuba is like A Little Up There in the japanese fandom. not sure if its on the same level as a ship like reinsuba but ottosubas Definitely loved as a ship. from what little ive seen it also seems like ships like vichisha are more acknowledged by the japanese fandom? im not entirely sure on like—Complete differences regarding what the japanese fandom finds interesting that may differ from english fandom, so ill really have to look more into the japanese fandoms fanart and fanfic when i can bc im pretty curious too. in general though, it seems like the japanese fandom has a bit more variety…. you can find fanart on So Many characters in rezero (which already has a very Massive cast full of very fleshed out characters) there. not that you cant in the english fandom bc theres a Bit of variety too, but id more so contribute that a little more to the Big Cast and less to having actual variety in fancontent. and of course im not saying that the japanese fandom may be a bit barren in some areas of fancontent—bc inevitably when u have a big cast of characters, side character content is gonna be more sparse compared to the main characters, but to me it does feel like the english fandom lacks variety in comparison. (and also yeah. seems like the japanese fandom acknowledges gay ships more in general tbh.)
whats focused in fancontent makes it easy to tell what may be popular in a fandom in terms of how fans perceive the source material and what fandoms want to do with the source material, if that makes sense. and its very easy to tell that with the english fandom if you just hop on rezero ao3–or even better, rezero reddit given theres a fanfic ideas thread thats usually pinned right at the top of the site. again i havent looked at japanese fanfic for rezero yet (bc i dont know where to look oops ajdndn) but when it comes to the english fandom you can tell that theyre generally more focused on the female cast both in fanart and in fanfic bc. theyre women and many fans on say, reddit or various rezero discords, are cis straight men, so inevitably… well lets just say you can tell when a man makes content for this fandom o.o theres also the. very weird reaction fic trends and trends following popular fics in the fandom, the two biggest being the watching him die again and again react fic and re:forgotten, the former of which includes a harem plot with subaru and the main girls of rezero while the latter is one of those subaru gets tortured by his ooc friends and then he gets revenge on them fics. which i suppose says something about the english fandom too.
of course on ao3 its dominated mainly by english fics (of course not all fics on there for rezero are in english— big shoutout to all the non english fics on rezero ao3 ur doing great <3 — but the majority are in english). and while yeah ur occasionally gonna find stuff like queer content or side character content or rarepair content, its definitely not that big in amount and also comes with the risk of. Hate. if anyones reading this and remembers the lone star stuff. (if u dont know—lone star was a julius x emilia fic where they NTR subaru or some shit and then it got bombed with hate bc of the ship? yeah.) so yeah english fandom is very cis straight oriented, ironically with the nastiest people being the very people that rezero criticizes. though this is also my personal experience, i do know several people personally whove been in this fandom for a while or were here for a while and yeah english fandom isnt very welcoming at times???? and it seems like at the very least the japanese fandom is A Little Less Aggressive than the english fandom is.
otherwise. yeah im very very curious about more of the differences in popular content between the japanese vs english fandom. i mean the english fandom’s main focus on the female cast for. Interesting Reasons other than their actual character depth is… interesting. and the astreas being popular in general vs otto + ottosubas popularity fluctuating is also very interesting to me (but i have several guesses as to Why that is), among other things. yeah id love to know what else the japanese fandom likes about rezero and see more of their content. i also have to wonder if characters like emilia and subaru are hated less by the japanese fandom…. T^T well that and the english fandom and many english speaking people engaging in rezero have this interesting pattern of either hating subaru No Matter What, wanting subaru to Not Be Subaru (ie using him as a self insert almost or attempting to change him into virtually another character), or putting subaru on a pedestal and ignoring his flaws and mistakes and that he Can do wrong. like theres Really not a lot of nuance there. so i wonder if the japanese fandom is. A Little more chill when it comes to character opinions like this too.
#rezero#tldr: english fandom sets the bar so low (unless ur on rz tumblr) that the japanese fandom def seems a bit better by comparison#in terms of. Calmness levels.#every time i step into a rezero space that isnt tumblr i get a little worried my heads gonna get bitten off by someone HAH#recently someone tried arguing with me over how i interpret otto (this was on reddit) and then said stuff that showed they did Not#understand his character that well so that was awkward 😭😭😭#even just by looking at otto fanart from the japanese fandom it seems like more people understand his character there. in the english fandom#he is. either Not There or his flaws are just handwaved away or replaced with Different flaws#atm hes the most obvious example i can think of when it comes to. how differently characters can be percieved by different parts of a fandom#for rezero. like hes near invisible here but ottosuba being almost on the same level as REINSUBA in jp fanbase is crazy to me#kinda reminds me of the disney’s duffy and friends line and how it failed in the us but its SUPER popular in asia. really fascinating#and also yeah some of the english fandom seems. more loudly misogynistic and homophobic which is very unfortunate#also im sorry ill never forgive that random person on reddit i just said one (1) thing on otto and they came for my throat like fr 😭😭😭#ask#i do wonder why reinsuba is so popular but thats probs bc reinhards well loved too and also hes op. which is a bonus for the english fandom#bc theyre into all the power scaling stuff. and also reinhard gets the other bonus of being a guy and he isnt shafted by canon. hes treated#very sympathetically which is another bonus akdnsn#i say this as a reinhard fan btw but as an emilia fan im also crying bc theyre SO SIMILAR and yet why do people hate emilia….#but u know. reins a guy and we havent got his pov yet so there isnt much to hate.
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There's honestly... just so many people, just so so so so so many people in this world where I'm like... aren't you people tired of this fucking... you know, I was going to call them clowns but that's really disrespectful to clowns, these people could never get their face on an egg...
Anyway, aren't you tired of this childish jackass? Don't you just want to ignore them and never have to hear about them again? If we just ignored them they legitimately would go away... don't you want that?
And this applies to... just ungodly amounts of people, from jake paul to even elon musk (just... don't touch his shit, he'll run out of money eventually with how bad he is with it), to just... name an annoying famous person and you'll name someone I've literally forgotten right now that I could never have to hear about again if people would just ignore them (unless they committed crimes, investigators are welcome to pay attention while gathering a case)
Yet the answer's always "no, we're paying so much attention to them!" and I'm just like... why? Why would you watch jake paul box? I heard about that and was like "he's still doing that shit?", and yet I guess it made a lot of money yet again and it's just like... ignore him
These people could go away, and yet
#to be blunt this is also very very very much about trump#the best part of all if he'd lost is how I'd never have had to see or hear about his loser ass again#and you people couldn't even manage that (collective you; not you personally... unless you're Pennsylvanian basically)#like he's insufferable... unless you're a die hard fan of him you know he's just stupid and annoying#why would you want to hear a washed up reality star for four more fucking years?#we could ignore these people hard enough to make them go away#and yet I'll be stuck having to hear him say shit about Hannibal or whatever for four more years cause you couldn't do that#I'm so sick of it; I honestly am#jake paul could have been ignored into obscurity like a decade ago; and yet he's able to launch a scam with mr beast#like dear god... can't you people find something better to do than watch these people? ...like watch paint dry?#it's not just people; it's every live action disney remake; it's... it's just all of it... fucking ai#can't you people fucking ignore it? can't you just kinda boo when it shows up and then forget about it?#I get someone like elon is a toddler that needs an eye kept on him to make sure he's not breaking shit but like...#we could just not buy his cars... which... like... doesn't seem like a hard ask given how badly they're manufactured#again... weirdos on tumblr; I'm doubting you're to blame for most of this#but just like... could we just for the love of god let the stupid shit die out you losers?#I'm not even... I'm not even joking here; this isn't like a goof; this is a prescription#nfts die if literally everyone ignores them; live action remakes die if no one watches them; elon goes bankrupt if no one buys from him#(also gets really sad because he's a massive attention seeker; and that's pretty funny so bonus)#why do I still have to hear about jake paul other than like... 'he's been arrested for fraud' or something reasonable?#could have been done with him years ago... like maybe if you kept around one or two bad habits but... like the lootboxes couldn't go?#tune in; turn on; drop out... this part here; I'm asking you to do the drop out part#drop out of society and stop playing their bullshit games#pay attention; be engaged with the world and your community as best you can; and just stop... stop giving this shit oxygen#but again... if this isn't hitting the void it's probably hitting the choir... you're not an oaf on twitter sucking this stuff up#but fuck me... worry over tariffs and other shit aside; concrete quantifiable worries I can lay out I might add#for the people who act like it's just sky is falling mentality; nah... I can expressly say what and why I worry about come january#but all that aside... you couldn't have voted against him just... just to never hear his annoying ass again?#not saying harris would have been good or bad or anything else... I'm saying she would have been a fuck of a lot less annoying#and like... you gave elon a win too... the two most annoying people on the planet and ya couldn't just... not
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a good cry always does wonders
#sorry for the vent ! feel free to scroll past !#had a nice conversation w my bf today#let out a good cry#and idt ive ever loved him more#was anxious about sharing lots of things w him bc i didn't really know how he'd react#or was afraid of disappointing him or smth but#he could already tell#i never used to fully grasp what it meant or felt like when ppl would say: someone who knows u better than u know urself#but today he rlly showed me just that#he's been hinting smth at me for the past few months that he thinks maybe this one thing i'm trying out isn't really for me#bec i guess he could really see that i was just trying to force it#and when i was sharing how i felt today and couldn't really voice it out#he tried to help me w it and asked if i was feeling x way and y way#and it was exactly that :( he said it was cos he's been noticing it from me for a while#and he was so sweet with the way he responded too#all love and support and not in any way disappointed at all#and idk i just feel like wow. isn't that such a special thing? to have someone know and respect u like this#i appreciate how he didn't push/pry at me the months before (bc he knows i don't really like being prodded unless i share it myself)#(i like to keep things to myself for a while to give myself the chance to handle it before involving others)#and idk i'm feeling a different type of soft today#and like a huge weight was lifted off me#lovebug#i talked so much again
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thinking about the miravi first time (which is different and distinct from the miravi first time thats actually canon in my mind... i can give them as many first times as i want its my ship) where its one of the few times miranda is so awkward and flustered and how that matches aaravi's awkwardness and flustered state, and miranda knows that aaravi is having some trouble due to the whole... monster thing, so she offers to strip first and let aaravi touch her first. and it being very cute and sweet and awkward, only switching over into something with more passion and confidence right at the very end when theyve already had their dicks out for a good hour beforehand - almost certainly after aaravi cums inside miranda for the first time and realizes. OH. THE KNOT IS GOING TO BE AN ISSUE. and that she cant pull out afterwards and is just going to be stuck there for a bit. to which miranda's response is of course that this is no problem, gets aaravi to hold on so she can flip the both of them over so that shes on top of aaravi, and just goes ham rutting against her and making her cum over and over again with her internal textures and core muscles until they both pass out.
and then the morning afterwards, its the single best sleep aaravi's ever had, and her and miranda just kinda lay with each other in bed, kissing and being sweet and touching each other without going too far with it, and it's just cute and a fun time
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#aaravi feels a lot better and less awkward about the. Everything. afterwards.#least of all because she was moderately terrified miranda would abandon her afterwards#so it was just. nice to wake up surrounded by scales.#nice to have miranda be sleepy and have a sleepy morning together#only really departing when aaravis ready and they both have other stuff to do#and its clear that miranda very clearly wants her to stay#miranda might be. very fucked up. but shes really good when it comes to aftercare and the morning afterward#she will get aaravi breakfast and it will be damn good#aaravi showers and its certainly Strange to use mirandas shower but miri shows so many small kindnesses#making sure she has enough towels. asking about what kinda soaps or anything she needs.#being very polite and knocking before coming in and being very aware to avert her eyes unless#its clear that aaravi doesnt mind being seen in the nude. less because its not something miranda hasnt already seen last night#and moreso because shes aware of the relationship aaravi has to her body and not wanting to do anything that might bother her#just. things that make aaravi feel like this clearly wasnt just a one off thing#where miranda wanted to get her rocks off and leave#its nice for aaravi to feel welcomed in and safe with someone who cares about her#nice to wake up with someone whos happy to see you still there
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this youtuber who was the target of several transphobic harassment campaigns made a video that had some admittedly bad takes on a character i like. guys remember i DON'T support harassing this person even if i disagree with them. now watch my "debunking" video that's twice the runtime of their initial video.
a third of it's just me playing their video clip by clip. and most of the rest is me pausing between clips to call them stupid/accuse them of being bigoted for poor wording/make similarly bad faith takes but it's in favor of the character this time so it's right. also i'm gonna misgender them for the whole video and like all the comments on my video which make personal attacks on/misgenders them as well.
oh but do NOT harass this person. i'm going to make more videos "debunking" their other videos that i haven't watched. that's my only plan for this channel's foreseeable future. but that's only because i disagree with their OPINIONS. the digs against them as a person are just funny jokes! remember to leave a comment on this person's original video telling them how much their video sucks! i LOVE aligning myself with the "i won't respect your pronouns if i don't respect you" crowd!
#shut up pandora#before you ask most of this is about a specific bit of fandom drama that happened almost a year ago#whatever youtuber you think im talking about if ppl actually care about their opinions im not talking about them#very small fandom drama#still big enough that the youtuber in question got harassed mind you#but it doesnt rly matter if 10k or 10 million ppl saw the 'debunking' video#harassment beyond a certain scale kind of blends together#anyway im not trying to say all debunking videos in this format is lazy and contributes to harassment#but unless youre willing to dole out a milo rossi style thesis at the start#about the difference between someones online caricature and their actual personality#and then offer them genuine constructive criticism on their content at the end as a show of good faith#maybe don't make digs at their personality when you're trying to criticize their opinions?
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That ‘Jewish’ anon you revived is not only a zionist but antisemetic and I’m 99% sure has got to be a troll? I’m really sorry you’re getting these strange messages; thank you for not thinking this way of us.
I’m Jewish and believe that what Isreal are currently doing is an act of terror and they should cease to exist, we do not need a land of our own, especially when so many countries are turning a blind eye to war crime to defend Isreal, it’s clear to me that those citizens would be safe enacting their dual citizenship, Palestinians don’t have that luxury.
My rabbi is also anti Israel (as are most Jews I know) and understands that they fully go against all of our beliefs as a religious group; the slaughter of the people who provided us refuge (obviously the main one), the high rates of SA (and especially those who don’t get convicted), they don’t even support Jewish culture and heritage having banned yiddish and using antisemetic tropes almost as leverage to prevent criticism (whilst relying on Islamophobia to have their actions ‘justified’ it’s abhorrent).
Isreal are dangerous to everyone who is not in direct benefit of their power, they won’t stop at Palestine and anyone defending them would have been on the wrong side in 1939.
Thank you and I appreciate you for sending this! I completely agree with you and I sortof expected that some people would be offended that a lance blog would support palestine tbh. I think it’s awful that Israelis associate their actions with Jewish religion and culture, it just causes other people to push stereotypes against Jewish people and be antisemites. I just hope that a permanent ceasefire happens soon, and that I live to see a free palestine!
#everyone should read what this anon is saying#i wont assume every jew is a zionist unless they explicitly say/show that they are#its not fair to judge someone like that#ask#anon
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finally rewatching the last episode of legends and i love them trying to beat off the allegations abt ava being trans right before being like 'n ava got sara pregnant' like who are u trying to fool
#alli says shit#like listen it does make more sense. unless u live in a world where ava is trans like i do fkjf#'how can she be trans and a clone?' u ask#listen this show tried to make me believe sharing 6% of ur dna with someone made u able to know their thoughts n logic#this show is not based in biological fact#a clone can be trans
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Every time I see a post making fun of people being afraid to get into comics I think about how when I was first getting into comics I thought it would be fun to read Infinite Crisis because it was a HUGE event and it would give me an idea of what a whole slew of runs and characters were like. I made a post about some panel pretty early into the event (I think it was a build up comic that wasn't even officially part of the Road To Infinite Crisis so EARLY early) and some blog I didn't know made fun of me for not knowing the greater context of the panel I was commenting on. And while I was naively typing up a quick little 'ah sorry I'm new to comics and didn't know that. Thanks for the context!' they had gone through my blog and started doing the same for a bunch of other comics I'd read, and then mocked me for reading IC when I clearly new so little about comics.
Now, obviously, that behavior is ridiculous, and I just blocked them, but it did stick with me. It was one of my earliest interactions with comic fandom and I never forgot it. Most of the people I've intereacted with have been lovely. Even when I have gotten comic cannon wrong corrections are normally very kind. But not all of them are, and the ones who aren't are so vocal about it.
So i actually don't think it's the comics themselves that make getting into comics an unappealing prospect.
#Think about how people have to defend their newness to comics when asking for clarification.#'Help I'm new to coimcs' you shouldn't have to defend that to get an answer actually#I think the people who act like you NEED to be an expert on a character before saying you're a fan are just wrong to be clear#I can be a fan of a character without having read every issue their in ever#You can write a fanfic for a character without knowing their entire history if you want. It's fanfic. The actual authors dont bother#And sometimes you just gotta remind yourself of that#Reading a fan comic with a scenerio that would never happen in canon isn't a sin if it's fun for the people involved.#I've said before that I really like post resurrection fics that focus on Jason and Bruce's relationship because it lets me live vicariously#through jason in having parents who accept me for who i am despite our differences and still loving me#That's pretty explicitly not the relationship they have in cannon and thats fine#I can still look at their relationship and go 'oh damn this has some ingredients to make this scenrio really emotionally satisfying'#Like yeah yeah the concept that comics themselves are gate kept is a little ridiculous when reading comics online is so easy#but how many times have you had a negative experience in a real comic shop#because I know that i have!#How many times have you seen a blog get aggresive about someone being perceived as a non comic reader like thats a slur#I love comics. Obviously because I run ablog where i talk about them all the time.#but I'm not gonna dox someone who only watches the movies or the shows#there are forms of media where I've only consumed the adaptations#So when people say 'you're gate keeping comcis' REALLY think about how you talk about people who haven't read many comics#Becauase as far as I'm concerned if you constantly treat people like shit unless their in your little pre approved circle of#'Actual Comic Readers' then yeah you are gate keeping comics and its fucking weird#mine#No way in hell I'm tagging this as anything lmfaooo#sorry for the rant in the tags I have many feelings about this#not me going off in the tags
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how cool are you with like. spam reblogs bc i keep staring at ur art really hard and then doing a total 180 and end up not reblogging anything which is REALLY lame but it's bc i know myself and wanted to avoid spamming as much as possible bc id end up reblogging 95% of ur posts BAUDHJSF
MEGA 10000000% ENCOURAGED ACTUALLY if you like it a lot then go for it!! i dont find it annoying at all and im surethat goes for a lot of artists. i think i can safely say we're just glad u like it enough to go "HEY LOOK WGAT THIS PERSON MADE". also id take it over a row of likes any day
if you are worried about spamming notifications you could always try queueing or saving it as a draft!! so you can decide when you want it reblogged or let the site decide for u <3
#ALSO SHUCKS.. TY FOR STARING AT MY ART WE ARE HOLDING HANDS ANON.. PEACE AND LOVE ON THE PLANET EARTH#i know i talk mad shit abt ppl not choosing to reblog art but like. I KNOW UR NOT DOING IT TO BE MALICIOUS but id like it to be shared /nbh#CUZ I LIKE ATTENTION WHY ELSE WOULD I POST SHADOWPEACH SONIC ADVENTURE 2#and something ive learned being on here for a while is to think of your blog as like. your house#imagine showing your friend all the cool stuff youve collected over the years yknow. or someone walks in your house like man thats#balling where can i get something like that. IDK!!! i like to check my mutuals blogs every once in a while#literally nobody is going to look at your blog and say 'damn bitch you live like this'. UNLESS your bg color and text color are hard to rea#*read. but otherwise u do it for YOU#im gonna be honest i dont really use queue because im impulsive and i want to put it on my blog NAOW. but its there if u wanna use it lol#asks#good question!!!!!!#yapping
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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when you go to recent posts on a character tag to try to find other people to be feral about them with but 80% of it is just you going feral about them on your own
#i am biting i am running through the woods ripping things apart with my teeth i am screaming i need to talk to someone about bix for 5 hours#come join me in the bix caleen tag it is so lonely here#occasional asks and interactions only fuel my insatiable need to just rant about her and this show as a whole with someone else all day#like i could literally talk about this show from the moment i wake up until the moment i go to sleep and not run out of things to say#but i need!!! someone!!!!! to share it with!!!!!!!!#please come talk to me about anything to do with andor (unless you're yet another anon yelling at me for one lukewarm take on bixcassian)#(like i wanna have a discussion. a conversation. a back-and-forth. please)#original post tag
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you know at the end of the day today i was chatting w some other paras. i was a special ed para for a seventh grader today that's what i did. and the last block for them is just learning center and it's chill and it's friday and some of the kids were making pizza and no one was really doing anything or stressed or bothered so the kids and the adults just have various little shooting-the-breeze sessions although im usually not that active in these bc Im Shy, And A Substitute so i feel very out of place a lot of the time. but anyway i had never really talked much w either of the paras i was with today and we struck up a conversation about some stuff and one of them says to me "you know just so you know i LOVE your hair" and she turns to the other para and she's like "isnt it gorgeous? dont you love her hair?"
and i kinda blushed and said thank you a couple of times and looked down bc that's what i do when i receive a sincere-sounding compliment unexpectedly. and then i chatted a little more before i kinda drifted out of the conversation and opened my book and after a page or two one of them asked me about what i was reading (it's Song of the Cell: An Exploration of Medicine and the New Human by Siddhartha Mukherjee if you were wondering and i started it a few days ago). so i told them a bit about it and started chatting again on the topic of reading and i guess i was just naturally smiling and the same one who complimented my hair said "look at those dimples. i just can't w you"
#made me wanna cry a little. i was like thank u mom#felt beautiful at work. who do i tell this to?#tales from diana#i have never had my dimples complimented not to my memory at least#i kinda forget i have them bc i don't. i don't like. smile naturally and get a good view of them when i look in the mirror#i dont think they show up when i dont smile candidly either? unless im forced-smiling really hard#yeah idrk what they look like i guess#i received both of these compliments with a little bit of an 'oh shucks' (blushes) attitude#i have to say. it's not that i don't get complimented on my appearance. but most of the time it doesn't sound... don't wanna say 'sincere'#it doesn't feel like. FELT. as a compliment. a lot of the time#like sometimes it feels like courtesy. and other times. it feels like#someone will mention to me that im like young and pretty but theyll say it in a 'but im not impressed' tone which is really#odd bc. it's not like i asked?#it's like in a small way it's to 'put me in my place' or address some elephant in the room#like it's an annoyance to them rather than an expression of. you know. admiration#not that i need to be admired for my appearance but that's what i mean. like it felt nice#like a lot of the time ppl will tell me im pretty it sounds either like flattery or like some kind of weird anti-flattery#they're trying to give me a big head or they assume it's already big and they wanna deflate it#yeah that was nice tho. i talked w one of those paras for a pretty long time abt art and photography#she has a children's book coming out soon too and it sounded so interesting. i liked her a lot#i also like the kid i worked w today. i had been w her before but not in like 6 months. she's a sweetie
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