#not posting bc much bc things are changing so rapidly

[emberlyric]

been getting so much work done but Anomaly has changed a lot. So much. I have to redo my writer page introducing my WIP because my main character was renamed and another main character was added and now Jaith has a plotline in the first book where he didn’t before and wow so much to do okay back to work bye

[ssruis]

Hello welcome to yet another post that was 1) originally meant to be a short thing but it rapidly got out of hand 2) caters to me specifically 3) is all over the place because I kept finding more things I wanted to talk about

The way rui approaches emotions is so fascinating to me bc like. He approaches everything with a very rational/logical thought process instead of an emotional one and he tends to either ignore his emotions or view them as an obstacle/hinderance.

(From his gleaming stars card story)

If he acknowledges that he’s upset or unhappy he tends to just go “oh well. What can you do.” & then berates himself for not wanting to be unhappy. I feel like a lot of that can be explained by his childhood alienation from his peers.

In RMD his reaction to his classmates refusing to take part in his play once he explained the tree jump stunt & them calling him weird is to blame himself:

Little Nene: Rui, what’s the matter? Did something sad happen?

Little Rui: Nene… No. That’s not it. I pushed my show onto everyone and bothered them.

(From RMD - TL by Arven Oven)

Which is pretty telling. To Rui, the issue is that he asked for too much, that he as a person is something that must be tolerated by his peers.

But ultimately he still has faith that he’ll find his people.

Little Rui: …That’s right. People like you, Nene, who would say that they like my shows, surely exist out there. I want to make my own shows. But as of now - I think it might be a little hard.

(RMD)

And he *did* keep trying to find people who would accept him for a while - Wonder Halloween shows that he continued to try to reach out even after the stuff that happened in RMD, but eventually anyone he got a little close to would end up leaving & reinforcing his idea that he was too different from others to form relationships.

(From Wonder Halloween)

I’ve seen some people say him giving up on forming relationships was due to the events shown in RMD, but I think it was more of a result of him experiencing the same rejection over and over again. The definition of insanity is trying over and over again when the result never changes, and despite what his peers may think, Rui is not insane. I think he gradually lost faith in his parents assurance that he would find people who accepted him - he begins pushing Nene, the only person who hasn’t left him yet, away.

Middle School Rui: I’m working on a solo project… but I haven’t found anyone else like you that’s willing to help.

Middle School Nene: oh, I see…

Middle School Nene: then would you like to join the troupe I’m in…?

Middle School Nene: I mean, uh…

Middle School Rui: hehe. It’s nice of you to invite me, but there’s no need to pity me. I’m doing ok on my own, and it’s for the best anyway.

(From Wonder Halloween)

Why he pushed Nene away is sort of left up to interpretation - To protect her from himself? To leave her before she left like everyone else? - but I think the assumption that her invitation is out of pity show that at least part of his decision to push her away was out of the belief that she, like everyone else, was simply tolerating him. If he assumes everyone hates him/is scared of him right off the bat, he can avoid getting his hopes up and being crushed when he’s inevitably abandoned. It’s not unhealthy or detrimental to forming relationships he’s just recognizing a pattern and using it to predict the behavior of others (blatantly wrong).

Zombie Plushies: We can tell you’re just pretending to be friends! Deep down, you’re probably scared and disgusted by us too!

(…)

Zombie Plushies: We’ll never fit in with them anyway…

Rui: …! (Never fit in with them, huh…)

(…)

Rui: When I look at them… I remember how things used to be.

(WXS world link, TL by Haruka’s penguin)

He rationalized his loneliness with “I’m just incompatible with other people” which

1) ow.

2) if he’s incompatible with other people, there’s no reason to get his hopes up because he’ll never find people he fits in with

3) if nothing is ever going to get better, he should be content with being alone. There’s no reason to be sad over a fact of life. It is what it is.

4) being sad over this is inconvenient, unhelpful, and a distraction from following his dreams (on his own)

5) inflicting himself onto others is a selfish desire and he should just keep to himself. “It’s for the best, anyway.”

6) he’s perfectly fine on his own. He doesn’t need anyone for his shows, and he doesn’t need friends.

By the time the WXS main story takes place, he’s already fully convinced himself that he’s better off alone, and that Actually It’s Super Beneficial For Him & His Shows And He’s Fine Like This.

Middle School Rui: Solitude isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.

Middle School Mizuki: huh?

Middle School Rui: In fact, it has had certain benefits for me. It’s given me plenty of time to see plays and to think over ideas for shows, for example.

(Kamikou festival)

Rui: hehe. Unfortunately, we won’t be doing a show together.

Rui: you see, I like to work alone and with absolute freedom to stage any show I want.

Rui: as long as my shows fill my audience’s hearts with joy, I’m perfectly satisfied.

(WXS main story) (“I’m perfectly satisfied” me when I lie)

I feel like it’s overlooked that the only reason rui joined wxs was to get nene in the group. I’m probably going to talk about his continued pushing of Tsukasa’s limits/suggesting insane stunts and over emphasizing how dangerous they are at a later date - and how that was (imo) an attempt to find the point where Tsukasa would hate and leave him too -

(surely this is too good to be true, Tsukasa/wxs will be like all the others -> wait he’s not calling me a freak and leaving ok I guess I’ll go full throttle on the insane shit surely at some point he’ll get tired of me -> he got injured because of me and he’s still here?? what the fuck???? Well now I care about him & this group so I need to pull back I’m not going to get a second chance)

(Wonder Halloween)

- but I would like to briefly mention that Rui literally suggests risking Tsukasa’s life right off the bat & when Tsukasa is like “?? I don’t want to die???” Rui just goes “alright I’m out of the group I guess bye. have fun nene!”

Rui: Don't worry, the device can be securely attached to the stage in a way that will keep the audience perfectly safe. Please make sure you don't touch it or you'll die.

Tsukasa: what about keeping ME safe?!

(…)

Tsukasa: I’m not going to risk my life on-stage!

Rui: but you said you’d perform any role I gave you to, quote, 12000%, unquote!

Rui: I'm afraid that I have no choice but to step down as a stage director. Nene, good luck working with these people.

(Wxs main story)

Unfortunately humans are a social species & emotions don’t follow (faulty) logic so rui *was* unhappy on his own and he *did* want to have friends. Which I’m sure he continued to call himself selfish/greedy for feeling. Rationalizing all of this was a way he could accept/make peace with being miserable (because it must be this way, because this is how it will always be).

Rui: I was the same a long time ago… I gave up on fitting in with anyone.

(…)

Rui: If they don’t understand me, that just can’t be helped, if they disagree with the way I think, that just can’t be helped… I would think like that.

Rin: Rui-kun…

Rui: - in reality, I really did want to put on a show with someone else. But people didn’t understand the shows I was making. On a subconscious level, I convinced myself it wasn’t going to work out and gave up on the idea.

(WXS world link)

(Wxs Journey to bloom animation)

This added scene from the main story animation adds to this - why he leaves WXS did have to do with Tsukasa yelling at Nene, but the reason he doesn’t come back after Nene forgives Tsukasa is because Tsukasa’s self centered attitude is something that antithetical to a belief that Rui thought he’d given up on a long time ago: great shows *can’t* be made alone, no matter how many times you insist that you don’t need anyone else. As much as he denied it, Rui *did* still want to connect with people and be accepted - not just for the purpose of making shows, but to have a place where he belonged. For the first time in years Rui got his hopes up, started believing in what his parents told him, and Tsukasa proved to him that he never should have done so in the first place. Unlike the other times, though, Rui is the one to walk away first. & then tsukasa/wxs do the whole “true feelings” show etc etc we know how the main story ends.

That being said, I think that Rui still subconsciously believed WXS would grow to hate him and leave because he would finally be Too Much. Wonder Halloween showed him that this wasn’t true (Which is why it’s so important that the zombie plushies in the world link performed potato ghost to connect to the other plushies - it’s the show that was performed when Rui fully realized that wxs was not going to abandon him.) but I feel like that only cemented the fact that wxs would keep performing alongside him, not that they were his friends.

Rui also very clearly did not process or evaluate how his childhood impacted him.

Nene: When you talked about the old days, you seemed happy.

Rui: fufu. I don’t mind it anymore because it was so long ago.

(His RMD card story - TL by Rubilia Heartfilia) (me when I lie part two)

After so long by himself, with shows as the only thing he had, I think that having a connection to people *outside* of shows was completely unfathomable to Rui.

Which is why he’s kind of incapable of realizing why the idea of leaving wxs hurts him so much,

(Curtain call)

why he doesn’t realize why he starts holding back in wonder Halloween or why he holds back on the cheer squad,

(Cheer squad event)

And why he’s surprised that wxs cares for him not just as a director, but as a friend.

(Festival bathed in twilight)

I make fun of him for taking a year to finally be like “yeah tsukasa-kun and I are friends” but I think it’s pretty reasonable taking his trust/abandonment issues into account. Accepting Tsukasa’s offer to join wxs (twice) changed his life drastically - he realizes that he can connect to others outside of shows, that it’s possible for him to form relationships with people outside of wxs. Rui just needed to make the choice to accept the outreached hands - not changing the parts of himself that people previously deemed too weird or strange (not that he was ever going to do that anyways) but changing his attitude of “it’s just impossible for me to be accepted.”

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: as I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

(…)

Tsukasa: but… it’s not only just thanks to me, y’know?

Rui: eh?

Tsukasa: think about it. No matter how many chances I gave you, if you had refused to change, you would never have done so, right?

(Pandemonium, TL by Tsukasa’s #3 fan)

This is also why he tends to berate himself for having the very normal desire to hold on to wxs. He’s never had something like this before, where he has people who accept and love him as he is. He’s never wanted to keep something as badly as this. He’s asking too much of them, he’s imposing like he did with his classmates in RMD, he should let them leave. It’s the mature thing to do. He spent so long on his own, he should be fine going back to that, isn’t it selfish and greedy to want more?

(Curtain call)

(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows w wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.

(World link)

Rui: (…When the time comes, even I, too, will have to move forward.)

Rui: (…Moving forward, can I do that?)

Rui: (…Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)

(…)

Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that - let me think of one.)

Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)

(Curtain call - TL by Arven Oven & Tsukasa’s #3 Fan) (fuck you ensekai)

I think that, in future events, he’ll (hopefully) come to realize there are more people who will accept him (& get more trust ranks. Please.). I think it’s an impossible ask for him to be completely fine with wxs going their separate ways some day (and the same goes for everyone else in wxs), but I think when the time comes it will at least be bittersweet and with the knowledge that he can find other places to belong & that his relationships with the rest of wxs is strong enough to withstand not being in the same troupe. Things can’t stay the same forever, but change doesn’t have to be bad. Etc etc.

[lincolndjarin]

ride cowgirl! ★ (agent whiskey x reader)

(18+ mdni) pairings : agent whiskey x afab!reader summary : you like to make bets with your coworker for simple things, what happens when he decides he wants to raise the stakes? warnings & tags : no use of y/n, smut, sort of dubcon there's reluctance but everything is consensual, porn with plot, this ended up actually being mostly plot lmao, p in v sex, unprotected sex, forced orgasm, light bondage, use of restraints, fully clothed sex, pet names, size kink, praise, whiskey big dick truther word count : 2.3k a/n : first new fic post on the new blog!!! I had so much fun with this thank you so much to the person who requested it !! one of my google forms anon requests was for anything whiskey!! (I put the request at the end) this was the direction I went in >:) this was meant to be a drabble but I got carried away immediately. enjoy!! (this was edited super fast bc i'm tired after work lmao, so apologies for any mistakes)

It was a stupid deal. 

And you never should have made it. 

Of course it’s a little late for that now, when he’s already tying your hands behind your back with his ridiculous flask belt. 

“This wasn’t a part of the original agreement.” You grumble as he pulls the leather tight. That smug smile on his face. 

“You said, anyway I wanted it. This is how I want it.” He leans back against the headboard to admire his work. His eyes focused on the way your chest pushes out now with your arms forced behind you until you cough to get his attention. He takes his time before letting his eyes crawl back up to your face, still grinning ear to ear. 

“Can we just get this over with?” You groan. 

“Oh come on, gorgeous.” He’s loosening his tie, his smile never falters. “I already told you we don’t have to do this. I’ve offered you several outs and you keep turning them down. Besides,” He flashes his teeth at you in a toothy grin. “it’s no fun for me if you don’t want it.” 

That’s exactly what he’d said when you’d made this deal a week ago. 

“I think I want your hat.” You said rather confidently. The two of you had a long standing rivalry. You were placing bets nearly every week at this point. The winner was whoever had the most successful missions. It had started off simple. The loser has to take the other out to dinner, or pay for drinks after a night out. 

After a few months of that you’d gone out with Whiskey more times then you’d gone on any dates. 

Then you decided to raise the stakes. 

The other person's paycheck that week, a piece of tech the other had, at one point your mothers phone number was on the line. (Thankfully that week you had won.)

This week you were feeling lucky. So you pointed at his cowboy hat, he was never seen without. 

“If I win I want your hat.” You cock your head to the side, smirking. 

“You have a hat already.” He was typing up a mission report, you had come in as you always did on Monday mornings. 

“Nice observation agent, how’d you figure that out?” You took a pen from the mug on his desk, rapidly clicking it in an attempt to get under his skin. “That doesn’t change my mind, I don’t want my hat. I want yours.”

He sighs in irritation, taking the pen from you and moving the mug to the other side of his computer. 

“And if you win you can have mine.” You flick the rin of his hat as you say it and he finally turns to glare at you. 

“I don’t want your hat, I already have a hat.” 

“Someone’s in a bad mood today.” You whisper theatrically as he turns back to his work. 

“I’ve got a lot of paperwork to get through darlin’ so let’s hurry this up.” 

“I already told you. I want your hat, if you don’t want mine then pick something else.” 

He turns in his desk chair completely to face you now. Annoyance visible on his face. 

“If I win, then you wear my hat.” As he speaks he cracks the first smile you’ve seen on him all morning. 

“You aren’t making any sense, are you still waking up? Do you want me to go get you some coffee?” You laugh but he leans forward. Even though you were up on the desk and he was in his chair he was still nearly face to face with you. 

“Darlin’ you can be so cute sometimes.” You have no idea what he means but his voice has a condescending tone that makes you scowl. 

“Stop being coy and just clarify.” His first signs of a smile turn into a full blown grin. 

“Wear the hat, ride the cowboy.” He whispers, you’re about to slap him for making such a crass joke but he looks completely serious. 

“That’s not funny. What do you really want?” You pray he doesn’t see the goosebumps on your arms at his words, you spend so much time with him yet he’s never made a pass at you. You’ve watched him hit on countless women these last few months but he’s never turned his attention towards you quite like this. 

“I told you. You win, you get my hat. I win, you wear it.” He has to be messing with you. You want to believe that he’s just trying to push your buttons but you know purely based on the way he looks at you that he couldn’t be more serious. 

It’s an insane offer. But it’s not like you haven’t thought about it. Who wouldn’t be curious about what he must whisper to get women to come home with him, what he must promise them. 

Stop. You can’t seriously be considering this. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. Obviously I’m not doing that.” You get up to leave. Embarrassed by the entire situation. 

“You win, you get my hat and the Bronco. I win, you wear the hat.” You’re already walking out when he says it and you stumble a bit before turning back to stare at him slack jawed. 

“You’d give me your car?” The disbelief in your tone is palpable. 

“If you won.”

And you just couldn’t say no. It was too good of an offer. 

So you set up ground rules. 

You wanted your clothes to stay on, at least as much as possible for the situation. Which he agreed to, so long as the two of you did it “how ever he wanted.” You didn’t realize until much later what that entailed. And of course there was the fact that he wanted you to enjoy it. An odd request all things considered, but he said it was important to him that you had a good time. 

“It's no fun for me if you don’t want it.” 

He had insisted that if you weren’t into it that he would stop, especially if he thought you were faking it. 

Once everything was decided the two of you shook hands. 

And then, by some cruel trick of fate, you had fumbled not one, not two, not even three, but all of your missions that week. A feat that has never happened to you in the entire history of your employment with Statesman. 

So that’s how you ended up like this. 

Fully clothed other than your discarded panties, straddling your most annoying coworker, who’s sitting underneath you, dressed the same as always except his pants are unzipped, with his belt around your wrists. 

“Just let me know when you’re ready darlin’, take your time. I can wait all night, I've got nothing else planned.” 

You could tell him no. You should. You just don't want to.

The second you did he would take the belt off your wrists, hand you your panties (the ones you pretended you didn’t see him shove in his pocket when you threw them on the bed,) and send you on your way. And he’d do it all with a smile. 

Of course you can’t let that happen, that would just mean that he’s won, again. 

He wouldn’t even tell anyone, not that anyone knew about the deal to begin with. But he’d never tease you for bailing, he’d just make you live with the knowledge that you bit off more than you could chew. 

And worst of all, if you had won, you know for a fact that he would have handed over the keys to his car with zero hesitation. 

So you roll your eyes and nod. 

He clicks his tongue, leaning forward, his hands rub your thighs, pushing your skirt up further. 

“Tell me you want it sweetheart.” He taunts, making you sigh loudly. 

It’s not that you don’t want it. God knows you want it. You crave it. But you can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

“I want it.” You say, almost comically emotionless which has him frowning, sitting up straighter. 

“Let’s just call it. You clearly don’t, and I’m not interested in an unenthusiastic partner.” He begins to lift you off of his hips but you push against him, properly sitting yourself in his lap. 

“Give me a second, Jesus. I’m not even warmed up, just- I need a minute. We’re doing this.” There’s a determination in your voice that stops his efforts.

There are a few seconds of silence before he speaks again. 

“Do you want me to… warm you up?” It’s the first time he’s dropped the cocky facade since you started this ordeal. 

“No. I think I’m okay. Let’s do this.” You nod a few times, almost like you’re hyping yourself up. The two of you hadn’t factored in a lot of the logistical details of this deal, more specifically foreplay. 

As he pulls himself out of his jeans you’re starting to wish that you had. He isn’t even completely hard yet and you aren’t entirely sure how you’re going to take all of it. 

He unceremoniously spits into his hand before gripping himself at the base, steadily stroking himself. 

It’s like he’s a porn star and you’ve got front row seats to a private show. 

You’re close enough that when he leans forward, softly grunting, his face brushes against yours. His cock becoming fully erect in his hand, you hope he doesn’t hear you gulp. 

As he jerks himself off, his free hand reaches up, removing his hat before placing it onto your head. It’s a little too big for you so it tilts to one side. He gives you a lopsided grin before picking up his pace. You watch with wide eyes. 

He’s too big. 

In every way possible. 

He’s too long, he’s too thick, he’s simply too much. 

And you can’t tell him that. He’s smug enough as is, if you say “actually nevermind. you’re dick’s too big I couldn’t possibly fuck you.” he’ll be even more insufferable than he already is. But much to your chagrin he already knows what you’re thinking. 

“You still sure you don’t want me to warm you up?” His nerves are clearly gone as he chuckles before hissing through his teeth. His thumb brushes over his pink, weeping tip. 

“I’m fine. Ready when you are.” Not true. 

“Maybe I could free your wrists. You can do it yourself if you don’t want me to do it.” He’s reaching behind you and you once again halt his efforts. 

“No. We’re doing this your way.” 

You’re certainly overestimating your abilities, but he doesn’t need to know that. 

You scoot forward in his lap until his cock is resting between your thighs. You sit up on your knees and he lines himself up at your entrance. 

“Last chance to back out, sugar.” With that final taunt from him you sink down onto him without warning. Barely taking more than an inch before you drop your chin to your chest so he can’t see your face as he simultaneously leans back to rest against the headboard once more. 

It feels like he’s splitting you in half. 

His hands return to your thighs. His palms splayed against you as his thumbs rub comforting circles against your flesh. 

The sting is all you can think of but buried beneath it all is a heat that threatens to consume you. 

You lift your head to look at him. He’s lost a bit of his bravado as he runs his fingers through his hair. You don’t give him (or yourself to be fair) a chance to adjust. You have a desperate need to watch him unravel despite the ache between your legs. 

You take a deep breath before you take nearly half of him in one rock of your hips. 

The stretch is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, the heat in your stomach is bubbling over as you let out a moan you’ve never heard from yourself before. His grip on your thighs is tight enough now that you’re certain you’ll have to wear a longer skirt tomorrow. 

“Christ darlin’.” He stutters out, his eyes are squeezed shut and you couldn’t be more proud. 

“Is this enthusiastic enough for you?” You manage to grunt out between your small gasps. 

He mumbles something that sounds like a yes.

You have to wait longer this time before moving again, you wait until the pain eases itself away and is replaced with that heat you’ve been pursuing. Only then do you try taking more of him, you don’t manage all of it but you take most of him after a bit of effort. The entire time his eyes are trained on you, a look of admiration on his face. 

“You are something else, gorgeous.” He whispers.

His low drawl shoots straight to your core and god you’re sure he knows it. He whimpers when your walls clench around him.

You haven’t even started properly riding him and you’re close. 

The way he fills you has you seeing stars. You would love to try and banter with him right now, tease him, but you’re too far gone. Too focused on the way his tongue pokes out to wet his lips as he lets out a soft whine before squeezing your hips.

“Let me touch you, please.” He mutters breathlessly.

You aren’t one to deny good southern manners. 

You give him a nod and he wastes no time as he rubs your clit with the pads of his fingers frantically, like he’s trying to make you cum as fast as possible. You’re confused as to why for only a moment because your climax approaches so rapidly it nearly knocks the wind out of you. Your hips stutter as you sit, finally fully impaled on his length, in an instant your vision is a searing hot white. His hat tilts forward on your head, briefly covering your eyes. You’re left breathless in his lap, when you come down from your high he’s grinning at you.

“I win again darlin’.” 

You groan as you recall the conversation you’d had right before he had tied your hands behind your back. 

“If I finish first you can have my hat, if you do, then I get to finish inside you.” 

“Absolutely not.”

“If I finish first you can have the Bronco.”

“...Fine.”

a/n : requester ily, thank youuu

[ashleyloob]

Hi!

From someone who is disorganized and discouraged, I would love advice on weight-lifting/building muscle. Would you share your understanding of building muscle and the breakdown of diet?

If possible, could you share how you apply what you know to yourself? If you use any tools to help you?

Struggled with working out, gaining weight, and eating my whole life. Thanks!

prefacing this with some important info for fellow disorganized scatterbrains!!!!

the main reason why ppl have trouble sticking to a lifestyle change is because they try to make very drastic changes too quick, and you get overwhelmed and it becomes unsustainable. this is especially an issue for neurodivergent folks, and since it's Tumblr I assume a good chunk of y'all are (me too dw)

DON'T immediately overhaul ur diet and hit the gym 5x a week from day 1!!! hitting tiny goals consistently is also more rewarding than working towards one very large arbitrary goal that you might not reach, esp when it comes to working out. start veeery small if u need to, such as only 10 bodyweight squats per day like i did and go from there. you wanna program ur brain into feeling accomplished to keep you motivated. patience is key!!!!

ok!! now onto the more detailed info below

Disclaimer: I'm still a newbie myself!! only consistently lifting heavy for about 3 months as of this post. I did a good deal of excessive info diving on lifting using the power of Sheer Autism, and my main gym buddy is very experienced & taught me a good chunk of this shit so shout-out to my pal for making all this possible xoxo

so good news!! "building muscle" is very easy for beginners starting from zero. newbie gainz are absolutely real. at this stage you can do just about anything at the gym and get stronger bc u can only go up. BUT!! if you structure it, you can make the process enjoyable and much more efficient. if you're goal oriented (lookin at u ADHD menaces), you'll love the concept progressive overload.

PROGRESSIVE OVERLOAD & SETS/REPS

wikipedia defines progressive overload as: a method of strength training and hypertrophy training that advocates for the gradual increase of the stress placed upon the musculoskeletal and nervous system. in layman's terms, it just means gradually adding more weight as you work out to increase the difficulty as you get stronger. progress is VERY easy to track because of this, and you'll be hitting PRs pretty much every week for the first couple of months and that shit feels fantastic because you physically feel yourself getting stronger so rapidly. I use the app Strong to track my workouts. so, how do we structure progressive overload? that's through sets/reps. A rep is a single execution of an exercise. 1 squat is one rep. 2 squat is 2 reps. and so on. A set is a collection of reps. The format is Sets x Reps, for example: 3x5 means 3 sets of 5 reps. You will rest between sets, and it's typically anywhere from 1 minute all the way up to 5 minutes depending on the level of exertion/type of training you are doing. Heavier weights mean longer rest periods and vice versa.

WHERE DO I EVEN START??

For those interested in barbell training: the r/fitness beginner routine is pretty good! I also recommend 5x5 stronglifts. both are very straightforward, but also note the typical olympic barbell is 45lbs. If this is a weight you struggle with, you can begin with bodyweight exercises, dumbbells, or machines at the gym which are all very BEGINNER beginner friendly. especially when it comes to legs you're probably much stronger than you think. Most people can squat 45lbs first try. don't be afraid -- you're standing on those things all day, they can support hella weight. Like I mentioned earlier, don't be afraid to start veeeery small and work your way up from there. I started at home with doing only bodyweight squats without the barbell, then added on benching with light 7lb dumbbells after a week, then impulse signed up for a gym membership a month later and began to go there to use equipment and now i'm deadlifting over 100lbs as a tiny girl that previously was too weak to even lift a 40lb dog. it snowballs quicker than you think once you gain confidence in your own body and its abilities!

WOAH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SQUAT/DEADLIFT/BENCH/THIS IS SCARY AND IM FUCKING UP

If you can, i highly recommend getting a personal trainer to assist you, or tag along with a gymrat pal to show you the ropes. This page is also a good resource to learn specific lifts. otherwise, youtube is your best friend. you can record your sets and compare your form to form tutorials on youtube, and actively take notes on what to change the next time you work out. Be an active learner!!! be aware of what muscles are engaged when you lift and how your body feels. almost NOBODY gets it right the first time, esp with barbells. we've all made fools out of ourselves at the gym as beginners it's chill. i find people at the gym are very nice and willing to help you out if you're struggling, and people don't judge at all-- it's very easy to get in your own head in these spaces but most humans there are supportive and want you to succeed, especially since it's a hobby they are also passionate about. the more you do it, the less anxious you get. exposure therapy is very effective!! Also, almost all the barbell exercises can be replaced with smaller dumbbells, and you can do them at home if you get your own set + a workout bench (pretty cheap if u get secondhand, check facebook marketplace/craigslist). i got mad social anxiety myself so i understand sometimes you just can't, and this is an option for those that find public spaces overwhelming.

DIET

I personally don't think specialized diets/precise macro tracking is super duper important for newbies/casuals, only moderately important (spicy take for some but whatever). but you probably naturally will take an interest in diet once you realize it'll help you perform significantly better in the gym. the only macro i track is protein. You can use a TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) calculator to roughly estimate the amount of protein you need for maximum gainz. it's usually around .7-1g of protein for every pound of lean body mass (weight that isn't fat mass). Imma be real it's pretty hard for me to hit the recommended protein goal and most days I don't because my appetite just can't kick in for the amount it demands, and protein is super filling. I found that if i decreased the amount of carbs i eat, i am able to consume more protein bc i guess there's more room in my stomach lol. i eat a fuck ton of greek yogurt, chicken, fish, and tofu. when i started working out, i begin cooking a lot more and found i naturally craved less processed junk foods and snacks because the protein was keeping me full all day which is a plus! Even when im not regularly hitting my protein goal my gym progress is still going well and I think it's simply because my diet is A LOT better than what it used to be in my gremlin days. I also eat a lot more now that i've gained a bit of muscle, so do be prepared for food costs to go up as your metabolism increases and demands more energy to upkeep your gainz.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO LOOK LIKE A MUSCLE MOMMY????

a whileeee. over a year, probably, unless if you're on anabolic steroids (dont ever do that u will quite literally die). and physique is mostly from diet since it's dependent on your body fat percentage, the saying "abs are made in the kitchen" is true. its why you see hyper skinny terminally indoors gamer dudes with abs, even if they'd snap in half if you farted in their general direction. those mfs barely eat they too busy being gamers i am no longer interested in lifting for aesthetics personally since i get more joy from hitting PRs and i'm pretty content with my body image, but ik physique is the reason why most people get into lifting so i'll touch on it. Weightlifting on its own will not make you lose weight or fat. Again, it needs to be supplemented with a healthy sustainable diet (DO NOT DO CRASH DIETS THAT SHIT IS GARBAGE) and a form of cardio. I actually gained 8lbs since I began lifting from water retention & new muscle mass (muscle is more dense than fat, your body retains water when repairing muscle after a gym sesh) but my measurements and pants size have remained the same. I'm short, so something as small as a 5lb increase usually bumped me up a pants size but it didn't this time bc im gettin swole :') if you want to track physique changes, measuring your waistline & progress pics is a better way to do so than the scale. If you want bigger muscles, look into hypertrophy training. it's a tad different from strength training, mainly because you do higher reps at a lower weight.

[literallyjusttoa]

First thing first I LOVE your art style. Second your Apollo design and headcanons are amazing. And third I would love to see some kind of colored reference sheet of Apollo, because I would love to make Fanart of your design!

Ok I made a re-made a lil reference thing I made about a year ago with color for you! + I'll add some notes I keep in mind while drawing Apollo in different forms bc I'm kind of inconsistent with my art lol

Pre-ToA Apollo: Covered in jewelry, bc he's fancy like that. No shoes, I used to draw him wearing sandals but it was actually rly important in antiquity that the gods didn't wear shoes as a sign of their divinity, so no more of that. At most he wears cool gold anklets. I also use his chiton as a bit of a mood ring. When Apollo's is having a great time, it's gold or has gold accents. When he's in stressful situations, it's got more orange and red.

Lester: Shift all colors a bit closer to red, just for cool symbolism-y reasons. I've done blue-eyed Lester before, but I'm ngl brown-eyed Lester still holds my heart. Also the most consistent part of my Lester design is the red hoodie, I will never let that thing go. Lester is a short king, and he always, ALWAYS has some pudge. (I feel kind of bad bc I always draw him in a baggy hoodie so you can't tell sometimes, but I swear I always keep it in mind) I usually show time going on in the trials by adding scars, making the hair longer, and making him a little bit bigger (callback to my hc that all of the physical things Apollo saw as "flaws" got worse in the 5th book, but bc Apollo has grown as a person he genuinely doesn't notice/care as much)

Post-Toa Apollo: Everything is a mix of the first two designs. Two eye colors, two hair colors, clothes that are modern while still referencing antiquity. He even wears sandals, right in between barefoot and sneakers. This design changes a lot, but that's bc I think Apollo is still rapidly changing after the end of ToA, and figuring out how to settle back into himself. The only consistency is that I’ve drawn him wearing crop tops alot? I honestly can’t tell you the reasoning behind that it just keeps happening. So yeah, really with this one, go wild!

[sunflowersandsapphires]

Tis the Damn Season

pairing: Matt Murdock x fem!reader

summary: Based on a request from the lovely @dorothleah, Matt and his childhood best friend have a realization at Christmastime.

warnings: smut adjacent times (it’s just spicy towards the end, nothing graphic), descriptions of family holidays (they’re positive), Christmas specific, swearing

A/n: ahhhhh this one was so difficult to write—I really hope I did the prompt justice. (Also, this is set early on in S1 but let’s just pretend that all the bombing stuff didn’t happen bc that would definitely overshadow Matt’s holidays. Plus Mrs. Cardenas was an Angel so she is still alive and living her best life somewhere outside of this piece because I said so.)

w/c: ~4k

Breathing deeply, you couldn’t help but smile as the bitter cold wind swirled around you. Despite the extreme temperatures, winter in New York was beautiful. Layers of silver clouds drifted through the city, muting the constant stream of artificial light into something less aggressive, more ethereal. The thin layer of snow covering every exposed surface created a gorgeous blank slate of sorts, like an untouched page in a child’s coloring book. Monotone and full of possibilities. It was a sight you missed dearly, so much so that your heart flipped every year when you stepped out of the airport and back into the city you were raised in.

California was beautiful too, of course–not that you’d gotten to see much of it between your 8 years of post-secondary school and 2.5 years of residency so far. Even summer breaks had been spent studying or interning, rather than visiting the gorgeous beaches or tourist attractions across the state. When you found yourself swamped with work and longing for a break, you never dreamed of California, though. Only of New York.

Which is why the winter holidays were so important to you now. This was the only opportunity you had to visit family, to visit Matt. Most years, you spent about a week with your family for Christmas and spent a few wonderful evenings with your beloved childhood-best-friend-turned-charitable-defense-attorney, but this year was unique.

After encouraging your parents to take a much needed vacation, you’d mentioned to Matt that you were struggling to find a hotel to house you for the holidays. Charming and protective man that he was, he was appalled that you hadn’t asked to stay with him instead–arguing passionately with you until you agreed to stay at his loft for a couple days rather than spend the holidays alone.

Which led you on the snow-laced journey from the baggage claim to Matt’s front door, which you studied apprehensively, hand frozen in a fist that hadn’t yet knocked. The fluttering in your stomach was inevitable, your nerves always acted up when you saw Matt, but it was especially intense when your mind was occupied with the knowledge that you’d be surrounded by him and his things for a weekend.

Blowing out a breath, you let your eyes fall shut as you knocked rapidly on the door, the percussive sound echoing the pulsing in your ears. Footsteps padded down the hallway towards you, halting at the door as it slowly creaked open.

“Hi Matty,” Your voice was quiet, your cheeks blooming with warmth as he grinned at you. His beautiful smile hadn’t changed at all, still revealing the wit and mischief of the 14 year old you’d met all those years ago at St. George College Prep.

His signature red glasses twinkled with the reflection of the flickering hallway lights. “Long time, no see, sweetheart.”

As the familiar joke vaporized your anxiety, you dove into his open arms with a squeal. He was as warm and muscular as ever, his arms tightening around you as if waiting for you to dissolve. You weren’t sure how long you stood there, basking in the comfort of his embrace and letting it melt a year of stress away.

While you were enjoying the first hug you’d received in too long, Matt remained almost rigid beneath your touch–his brain counting every second and wondering where the line would need to be drawn. He could have stayed in your grasp all day, but that wasn’t what “friends” did, right? Inhaling deeply, he pulled away from you.

“C’mon, sweet girl, let’s get you inside and warmed up.” Taking your hand, Matt guided you down the hallway and into his apartment, the sight of which made you gasp.

Strings of multicolored lights were strung around the perimeter, wrapped around every available surface in a festive tangle. A small, but otherwise impressive, fir tree stood against the massive paneled windows, smattered with glittering ornaments and candy canes.

The air suddenly felt forced out of your lungs, your breath staggering like a newborn foal as you surveyed every inch of the apartment. When your parents had booked their holiday cruise, you’d been slightly devastated–which wasn’t fair of you, since you’d encouraged them to get away for the month, but that didn’t stop your heart from aching at the thought of the traditions you’d miss. Christmas was your parents’ favorite holiday, and they went all out each year–decorating the house with gorgeous poinsettias and tinsel, buying the largest tree they could find at the local farm, stringing lights around the entire house. The festive beauty of your family home was one of your favorite sights, and you weren’t ready for the absence of decor.

But the absence never came, because you had Matt, the most amazing best friend a girl could ask for. The man who knew you inside out, and had anticipated your reaction to skipping a family Christmas, taking it upon himself to make up for their departure.

Biting your lips as tears threatened to fall, you let Matt enfold you in another hug, a drop of moisture rolling down your cheek when his lips pressed against your forehead.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

“You did all this for me? Matt, I–” Withdrawing from the shelter of his arms, you strode around the apartment, running your fingers along the wires Matt had painstakingly decked his apartment with.

“Before you get too grateful, you should know that Foggy helped.” Matt laughed, rocking from foot to foot as he waited for you to take it all in.

Giggling at his glowing blush, you nodded, “Well, you both did an amazing job. Ugh, I could kiss you right now!”

The words slipped out of your mouth without a thought, but they froze Matt in place.

Your relationship with him was unlike any of the other friendships he held. There was a flicker of something deeper–a tense heat simmering underneath every touch, a magnetism that simultaneously drew you together and forced you apart.

After knowing you for 15 years, Matt could read you as if you were composed of braille. Every inhale, every pulse of your heart, every flutter of arousal from you crafted a story of love that he was terrified of losing. Neither of you could handle the stress of a long distance relationship. So, he held you close while keeping you at arm’s length.

Or, at least, he had. The urge to abandon all logic and act on his wildest desires was growing stronger by the minute. Treading over to where you stood, admiring the Christmas tree, Matt encircled your waist with his arms, tilting his nose against your temple.

“I missed you.” He murmured against your cheek.

“I missed you too, handsome. So much.” You leaned backwards into Matt’s firm chest, tangling your fingers with his.

Swaying slightly as he held you, Matt stayed silent, allowing you to soak up every ounce of joy from each tiny detail of the holiday ambiance he had painstakingly put together. Sure, it had been a chore, but it was absolutely worth it for the skip of your heart beat, the stutter of your breath as you held back happy tears. He’d do anything to give you the Christmas you deserved, and that included enlisting Foggy as his eyes for a week of decorating.

Because he was human, and his patience could only be strained so much, he eventually pressed a kiss to your head and spun you to face him. “Ok, I think it’s about time for me to pull my responsible host card and remind you that you need to eat.”

Laughing at his smirk, you nodded eagerly. “You’re right, I’m starving.”

“Really? I had no idea.” Matt gasped in feigned surprise, sparking another round of giggles from you.

“Shut up, asshole. I was admiring your hard work! Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?” You shoved at Matt’s chest fondly.

“You’re right, I apologize,” Matt chuckled with you, rocking backwards after your playful push. “Have a taste for anything in particular?”

“Anywhere you want to take me, Matty.” You grinned.

_____________________________________________________________________

Nearly tripping over a crack in the sidewalk as you laughed brightly, you were launched into another set of giggles as Matt caught you by the elbow. Comfortably full after dining at Matt’s new favorite Thai place, the two of you ambled around the city catching up on the last year.

“Christ, you’re going to break something.” Matt sighed, but he was beaming at you. “That would honestly serve you right, though, after laughing at my pain.”

“I’m sorry Matty, but the idea of you wearing one of those bikini body shirts is amazing. Foggy is a pranking genius!” You crooned, jealous that you hadn’t been there to witness the practical joke.

“This from the woman who tricked me ruthlessly every April Fool’s Day.” Matt shook his head, biting back a grin as his mind flooded with memories from your shared childhood.

“Oh please, toothpaste oreos and salted coffee is child’s play, Murdock.” You jested, letting your joined arms grow taut as you leaned towards an enticing display in the window of a store you were passing.

“Hmm, well I’ll continue waiting for an apology then.” Matt turned his nose into the air teasingly.

“Should I buy you another Christmas gift to make up for the torture I put you through?” Without waiting for a response, you entered the doorway of the quiet little shop you’d been admiring, drawing Matt up the steps after you.

Carefully studying the rows of vibrantly colored trinkets, you felt an overwhelming sense of peace as you wandered the store. You let your mind wander as you ran your fingers along the rack of knit sweaters you were ogling. Somewhere in the rush to look through the myriad of options, you’d dropped Matt’s hand. Swiveling your head over your shoulder, your heart jumped when you didn’t see Matt behind you.

Before you had a chance to panic, a calloused hand tangled with yours, tucking you back into your friend’s warm side.

“God, Matty, I thought I lost you!”

“Don’t fret, sweetheart, I’ll always find you.” Matt murmured, his voice steady with truth as he kissed your temple.

Leaning into his touch, your heart twirled at the sentiment, emotions welling up in your throat. Squeezing Matt’s hand, you coughed around the lump in your esophagus, eyes once again roaming the row of sweaters. “Did you want to get out of here? You said we were meeting your friends tonight, right?”

“Yes,” Matt answered, a bit hastily given that he was still trying to decipher your reaction to his words. “Uh, yah, we aren’t too far from Josie’s.”

“Oh my god, you didn’t tell me we’re meeting at Josie’s! Fuck, I’m glad the place hasn’t been condemned after all these years.”

“Foggy and I have done our due diligence. The health department must have our pictures taped over dart boards by now.”

“My two favorite menaces to society,” You laughed. “I’m embarrassed to admit that you may have to lead me there. My navigation of the city is a bit rusty this year.”

“You’ve been away too long.” Matt tutted in disapproval. “Far too long.”

You grew silent beside him, your fingers twitching in his hold. “I know, Matty.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean—“ He started but you interrupted.

“Oh, I know you didn’t. And I miss you too.” Matt withheld from turning to you in surprise before you corrected your statement. “I mean, I miss you and my family and the city, you know? I love California, it’s just not the same.”

Cursing yourself for fumbling over your words instead of just admitting to Matt how much you wanted to stay here with him, you tugged at your lower lip with your teeth to keep from rambling any further. Twin blooms of heat pricked across your cheeks, your eyes falling shut with regret and longing.

Matt bumped your hip with his. “Hey, don’t go quiet on me. We still have more catching up to do.”

The corner of your mouth twitched into a small smile. “Oh yah?”

“Of course! I haven’t even told you about the kitchen fire that Foggy set at Landman and Zach in the spring.”

Snorting in disbelief, you shook your head. “How on earth did you two not get fired?”

“He blamed it on a partner.” Matt grinned, making you chuckle.

The walk to Josie’s was short and filled with pleasant conversation, despite the brief hiccup. When you finally reached the familiar dive bar, you inhaled deeply, smiling at the sour odor of stale beer and tobacco.

Inside, the sticky floors and dim lighting immediately transported you back to the first time Matt brought you here, begging you to come with him to the “Jewel of Hell’s Kitchen”. Sure, it was more cubic zirconia than a diamond in the rough, but you understood why Matt loved it. The atmosphere was unmistakably familiar. No bells and whistles, just cheap beer and good company.

“This way,” Matt lead you further into the establishment, waving at Foggy and a gorgeous blonde woman who were seated near the windows.

Foggy leapt up to tackle you in a hug as soon as you were within hugging distance, crushing your lungs before you could laugh. “God, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

“Way to rub it in, bud.” Matt scoffed, smirking when his business partner gave an exaggerated eye roll.

“You’ve seriously got to teach me how to keep him in line.” Foggy sighed, scowling at the dark-haired man.

“You think I know how to do that?” You chuckled incredulously. “I’m not sure that’s possible without divine intervention.”

“C’mon, you’re practically the Matt-tamer.” Foggy cajoled, spinning around to face the table. “Karen, Matt-tamer. Matt-tamer, meet our lovely receptionist, Karen Page.”

Laughing as Foggy gestures towards the seated woman, you gave her your real name.

Karen smiled brightly, reaching her hand out for you to shake.

“You know, I could’ve introduced her myself. She is my friend, after all.” Matt pouted and you grinned, placing a hand on his arm.

“We all know you would have done a great job introducing me, Matty.” You snorted, rolling your eyes to Foggy.

“Um, are we not going to comment on the fact that I’m apparently not allowed to be friends with you?” Foggy asked, taking his seat beside Karen again.

“I didn’t say that!” Matt argued, sliding into the other side of the booth.

As Matt and Foggy bickered, you and Karen exchanged a knowing smile before you headed to the bar.

Waving as you spotted Josie’s stony face, you couldn’t help but smile when she rounded the bar to give you a one-armed hug. “Hey, kid. We’ve missed ya around here.”

“So I’ve heard,” You chuckled. “Can I get a couple of beers?”

“Your boyfriend letting you pay for the drinks?” Josie shook her head in distaste.

Almost dropping the two beers she’d passed you, your mouth dropped open in surprise. “Oh, uh…”

“C’mon, don’t tell me he hasn’t made a move yet. Poor kid acts like ya hung the moon.”

Chuckling awkwardly, you shrugged. “We’re just friends, Josie.”

“Yah, yah. Heard that one before.” Josie sighed, shooing you back to the table.

Trying to refocus after her comment, you plastered a smile back on your face and took your seat next to Matt, handing him his beer.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” He leaned against you and your skin burned. You could practically hear Josie raising her eyebrows from across the bar.

“You ok?” Matt asked, tilting his head towards you. “Did Josie snap at you or something?”

“You have to cut her some slack, she’s working hard to keep this place afloat.” Foggy frowned in sympathy.

“Oh no, nothing like that, she just caught me off guard is all.” You reassured, willing your body to relax into Matt’s hold.

“How so?” Karen asked with genuine curiosity.

“Oh, er, she asked me if…” Looking at Matt hesitantly, you let the words tumble out before you could fib. “She was wondering if Matt and I were dating.”

“What did you say?” Matt murmured.

“I told her the truth. Though, I wonder if I should’ve said we were, that was always easier.” You sighed, shifting in your seat uncomfortably.

“Always?” Karen asked, eyebrows shooting skyward.

“When we were kids, people always assumed we were dating. Eventually, it was easier to say yes than explain anything.” Matt explained with a shrug.

Foggy smiled, “Ah, so this has nothing to do with the fact that you both act like you’re dating for a weekend every year?”

You and Matt immediately grew defensive, spitting out two remarks at the same time.

“We do not—“

“Are you kidding me—“

But the realization of how close you were sitting to Matt made you pause. The man in question seemed to have the same epiphany because you both jumped apart with a huff.

Foggy and Karen exchanged a glance before nodding. Clapping his hands together, Foggy changed the subject.

“So…how’s California treating our favorite medical student?”

————————————-

Sitting on the worn leather couch in Matt’s living room, you blinked sleepily, the bright LED string lights coming back into focus as you reopened your eyes. You’d hoped that the beautifully decorated tree would draw you out of your thought spiral, but it was only fueling your rapid fire thoughts. Fidgeting with the fabric of the cushion you were sitting on, you couldn’t help but think of Foggy and Josie’s parallel accusations.

You and Matt were close, that was true, but you didn’t “act like you were dating”…did you? Sure, you were pretty much constantly touching each other, and you had nicknames for each other, but that was all platonic.

Or was that just what you’d told yourself? To let yourself sign off on the emotional turmoil you experienced every year when you had to leave the man that you loved.

Fuck. You loved Matt.

“What are you thinking about?” Matt’s voice startled you, your body jumping a few inches off the couch. Handing you the mug of hot chocolate he’d prepared for you, Matt took a seat next to you, his brow folding in concern.

“Oh, uh, nothing, Matty.” You lied unconvincingly.

With a snort, Matt shuffled closer, placing a hand on your knee. “You’re a terrible liar, sweetheart. What’s on your mind?”

“Did it…bother you? What Foggy said, about us?” You asked timidly, biting your lip when his hand stilled on your leg.

“Did it bother you?” He parrots, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Laughing despite the thick tension clouding around you, you shoved your shoulder against his. “I asked you first, Murdock.”

“Fair enough.” Matt chuckled nervously, exhaling quickly before answering, “No. It didn’t bother me.”

“Permission to ask you a follow up question?” It was risky to ask for further clarification before answering yourself, but you needed to know.

“That seems like cheating, but I’ll allow it.” Matt jested, his worry poorly concealed behind his teasing tone.

“Why didn’t it bother you?”

For an intense moment, your soft question was met with icy silence. Then, he responded with a warmth you’d never heard from him. “Because I’ve known exactly what I’ve wanted with you since we met all those years ago. And, consciously or not, I decided to enjoy my time with you in that way.”

Mouth falling agape, you pondered the answer for a moment. Had you been seeking that with him too? Is that why you were more than ok with the state of your relationship every year?

Interpreting your failure to speak as unease, Matt apologized. “I’m sorry. If I’d known that you were uncomfortable about it, I wouldn’t have–”

“I never said I wasn’t ok with it, Matty.” Your voice was deep with want, your eyes focused on every twitch of his facial muscles as he processed your response. “I’ve wanted more with you for years, I just thought I was better at hiding it than I apparently was.”

Matt chuckled, resting his forehead against yours. “We’re idiots, aren’t we?”

Matt’s breath heated your face, his lips felt too far away despite them hovering over your nose. Leaning into him, you crossed the invisible boundary you’d been dancing around for over a decade. “That depends on what we do next.”

Matt’s sharp inhale sparked a shiver down your spine. Settling one hand on your waist, the other cupped your chin gently. “Do I have permission to kiss you?”

“You fucking better, Murdock.” You murmured, hands wrapping around his nape as he closed the distance between your mouths.

As his plush lips met yours, the air was forced from your lungs. The evening ambiance of the city was drowned out by the blood rushing in your ears. A jolt of adrenaline, that was heavily threaded with pure need shocked your system, drawing a soft loan from your vocal chords as his tongue prodded your bottom lip.

“Matty, please,” You whimpered as he withdrew his mouth from yours.

“What do you want, sweetheart? Use your words for me.” Matt’s smug tone prompted another moan from you.

“Want you. Please.”

“Anything for you, love.” Hiking you into his arms, Matt wove his lips between yours again as he carried you to the bedroom.

————————————

Scrunching your nose against the chill that overtook you as your foot slipped out from underneath the blankets, you retracted your leg, settling back into the cocoon of sheets and muscular arms with a sigh. Unfortunately, the abrupt temperature change had shocked your consciousness out of slumber, and now you had to face the consequences of whatever had happened last night.

Your bare back was pressed against Matt’s warm chest, each inhale of his lungs jostling you with a comforting rhythmic motion. His hands were joined atop your stomach, his thumbs rubbing circles into your skin. Whining softly, you pressed backwards into his hold, his arms tightening instinctively as you did so.

“Morning.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple.” The feeling of his lips dancing across the thin skin on your head was pleasant, until your brain reminded you just how fleeting this moment would be.

“Morning.” You responded, your tone revealing your nerves.

“Hey, I can hear you working yourself up. Talk to me. Are you ok?” Matt’s brow furrowed, his blank eyes darting around you as he sat up to study you closely.

“I’m ok, Matty. Just…thinking about us, is all.” You shrugged, eyes falling closed as he placed kisses down your neck.

Hesitating before planting a kiss on your collar bone, his voice quieted. “Do you regret it?”

“Absolutely not.” Using two fingers to turn his face to you, you drew him in for a deep kiss. “God, you make me so happy, Matt. But I still have a few months left in my residency.”

“I know, sweetheart.” The clear disappointment in Matt’s voice almost shattered your composure.

“I wish things were different.” You sighed, resting your foreheads together.

“Don’t say that. You are getting a fantastic education so you can become the best pediatrician the world has ever seen. We can enjoy our time together now, that’s enough for me.” Matt’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but his optimism was contagious.

“And in April?” Matt’s hand came to cup your cheek.

“I’ll be here, waiting for you, as long as you want me.”

“I’ll always want you, Matt Murdock.” You promised, threading your fingers into his hair as he kissed you with a smile.

[sewer-sermon]

dnt normally post oc stuff but i suddenly remembered an old one of mine that was inspired by @bogleech's harmburger stuff (particularly the variation in awful hospital)

idk if they had a name before but its Redbert now!! (Red "40" Bert for long)

they're a cheap shitty fast food megacorp's twisted experiment to make a "meat recycling program", so that when meat went rancid you could recycle it into edible stuff again, so they could save money on outsourcing their meat products! it worked but it also became alive and really really scared

they sound like the most stereotypical awkward "visibly bullied in highschool" nerd you can picture, however that manifests in your mind (i personally think of pete spankoffski from nerdy prudes must die but it's slightly different for everyone). they're pretty timid so it was easy enough for the fast food chain to convince them to work at one of their establishments, and they're technically company property so they didn't have much of a choice anyways, their sentience was entirely unintentional but ultimately means they can learn how to work a cash register and flip patties for peanuts and scraps so naturally they were put right to it!

they are technically food grade at all times- the experiment that birthed them was a success! said experiment being that they basically just threw a metric fuckton of meat in various states of freshness (from "severed, still-bleeding appendage" to "straight roadkill") into a giant vat together and blended it, and the combined hubris of this action alone plus everything else the company had done to get to how bloated it was present-day reviled the universe so badly that the thing was Immediately stricken with life if only to have an outlet for the sheer appall it felt at that microinstant.

it created this single homogenous kind of meat that immediately absorbs anything not resembling it (besides other meats), including bacteria, flies, debris and such, and just. Turns it into more meat. so it can't technically spoil bc any time something tries to break it down it just breaks it down quicker into more meat. that also means they don't really ever get less fresh than "literally still kicking & screaming"- they might get a little nasty being made to stand out in the summer heat but it'll digest back into more, fresher meat the second they get into some air conditioning! so it's totally safe for them to be serving people food & in fact they make the place cleaner just by kind of idly standing around (however they can't leave their bucket. that much contact with the ground might have consequences for the building's infrastructure eventually)

my horrible meat chicken they just wanna scroll thru youtube shorts in the break room

one of my friends asked me if they could lose mass and i said that you could in theory scoop some out of them but if you used your bare hands, it would start taking mass from you rapidly enough to actively feel yourself losing skin cells and the sensation will almost definitely jar you into dropping it on the ground where it'll either fall back into Redbert or crawl into them. sometimes they run under the fridge and we're not really sure what happens to those ones, but sometimes employees find them a couple weeks later hiding behind the grease trap. they hiss

but funny aside they will turn anything into meat eventually but they struggle to digest metal, so they probably get scooped semi regularly with some metal implements that are changed out when they wear down too far and the excess is made into burgers or something. it's to keep them from getting too big that they inconvenience the other workers too much, but i will note that they were in fact smaller upon creation and the scoopings have become more frequent as of late

they were made with my love of drawing long serpentine things in mind and also raw meat :> and chickens! they don't really have to look like a chicken they just reuse those limbs the most consistently bc it's the least offputting way they've managed to make themselves look (as part of their customer training they were made to carefully study how people reacted to their appearance upon using various arrangements of limbs, organs and bone fragments as facial features)

don't know if ill post abt them super often, i don't do a lot of oc stuff often, but maybe ill doodle them whenever i get bored and i have some spare time so ill make them a tag :V

have the old version of them + art i did of them as an animal crossing villager(??) under a cut bc it's Old!

[stargirlshojo]

mutual post ig

things i will post about often right now as of this moment SUBJECT TO CHANGE AS OF 2 SECONDS FROM NOW

house md

cbs ghosts

the decameron

bridgerton (s2/s3)

my own personal ramblings

raising hope

several ships: hmoney, hilson, chameron, huddy, hilsoncuddy/hudson

whatever pops into my head

other stuff i post about sparingly

music: bjork, radiohead, blur, liz phair, gorillaz, archers of loaf, and like a million more

things i’m into but like not so much currently: bcs, princess jellyfish, the walking dead, also like a million other things

stuff about me you need to know

dgaf about age i am an adult though a young one but nothing i post is crazy inappropriate or nsfw

don’t like proshippers

i don’t wanna be added to gcs or messages one on one randomly unless i’m like hey dm me or something

my interests change rapidly, if you notice i’m filling your dashboard with nonsense you don’t care about unfollow/sb me!! i will probably not notice

i don’t do discourse so don’t try to argue cuz i will just ignore you

use she/her on me and just refer to me as my username i don’t do names online

ok thanks reblog if you wanna be mutuals 😊

[thepringlesofblood]

bonus content for those who read the taz: the 11th hour graphic novel and haven’t listened to the podcast arc

disclaimer: so. I lost my book about 1/4 of the way into this post. so the rest of it is just from memory (I did finish reading it several times, I just no longer have it to refer to). I wanted to post this before the next one comes out though, so here we are. If I find my book, I will attempt to finish up the details for the rest of the book. I cover some basic big things from memory, but nowhere near as detailed as the stuff I wrote down when I had the book to refer to. but in the meantime...let’s go!

by god they’ve done it again. 11th hr is a Lot and definitely the most plot-heavy book so far, PLUS they had to include the first lunar interlude where the boys had individual scenes. the result is frankly beautiful. we’re really hitting critical mass now.

as a result a lot more stuff got compressed, cut, changed, or skipped. i’m going to try to at least point out each difference, though there’s no way I could summarize EVERYTHING that got cut in one post. I’m going to be linking relevant episodes (& transcripts thank u tazscripts) instead, for things that are Just Too Much to include.

as always, this post is intended to be Fun and Cool Bonus Content for people who haven’t listened to the podcast, not a manifesto of stuff they “should have” included or a list of flaws. they had 11+ hours of content to squish into one graphic novel, that happened over a period of months. of course stuff got cut. and it’s stuff that was recorded in 2016. that’s eight years ago. of course some things are going to change.

tl;dr - I liked the dang book. you can be sad something wasn’t in the novel while still understanding why it isn’t. here is a list of the stuff that was changed, skipped, compressed, or cut, presented as cool facts & extra info for gn fans who haven’t listened to the podcast.

spoilers ahoy for the 11th hour, but I’ll try to keep spoilers for the rest of the series to a minimum or at least mark them clearly. At the very end I’m going to put a section of series-spoiler theories and observations, very clearly marked

Before getting into the nitty-gritty, there are a few MAJOR changes from the podcast I want to get out of the way first. This list also includes “stuff I remember but don’t have the book to refer back to on”

Several characters and a whole section of the map were cut.

I think this is the first time that any named, plot-relevant characters have been completely cut. The closest we’ve come so far was the bugbears, but they at least had a cameo in the photo in Lucas’ quarters. Luca, Redmond, and Stonefruit Farms fully don’t exist in the GN series.

the boys meet Redmond in ep 46, pt 6 of the 11th hr arc, having met his brother Luca at the end of the previous episode.

long story short, Redmond was the leader of the purple-kerchiefed ruffians and the brains behind the bank robbery, which The Boys had to go through with so that Redmond would help his lowkey-estranged brother Luca raise the temple of Istus from its decrepit state, as they were both devout priests of Istus. The whole key being in the vault thing is GN-only.

Also, Luca is a skeleton bc he was in the temple when it got rapidly old-ified, but dw he’s fine he’s just a skeleton. he gets better.

Redmond’s motivation for robbing the bank is that as a priest of Istus, lady of fate, he follows his gut feelings and intuition, and he had a strong feeling that whatever was in the vault would be the key to taking down the bubble.

they basically took all of the plot-necessary elements from Luca & Redmond and gave them to Ren. In the podcast, Ren actually blasts some of the purple-kerchiefed ruffians out of her bar after they get too rowdy. She isn’t involved with the robbery in the slightest.

Merle’s Temporal Chalice scene

in the podcast, it’s his arm being chopped off. or more specifically, grabbing a crystal that exploded and made him have to get his arm chopped off. 

Him running out on his kids is played kind of for laughs at first in the podcast. Merle is a heel for a lot longer there, bc the funniest improv is usually not the most ethical improv. They do talk about his life and the fact that he has a family, but the offer made by the chalice is for him to have his arm back

frankly, I think they made the right move in the GN. We get very little of Hecuba in the podcast, and I really liked seeing more of that conflict.

Roswell, my beloved

so, in 2016 when they did the podcast, the McElroys were at, let’s say a different place in their journey of learning about the queer community. which is to say that in the podcast Roswell’s pronouns were wildly inconsistent, in part due to them being a clay construct, in part due to them not being introduced with any pronoun in particular [though Griffin clarifies that he intends for Roswell to use they/them a little later on in the arc], and in part bc the boys just weren’t really familiar with the singular they. they tended vacillate between they/them, it/its, and he/him. we all learn and grow. 

in the book, thankfully, Roswell is 100% they/them. fuck yeah. related. The Boys are significantly worse people to Roswell in the podcast. like, significantly. we’ll get into it as it comes up more, I just want to signpost it here. 

e.g. Taako giving Roswell control of themselves and their command word is a GN original, in the podcast The Boys kind of “junebug” them around for large swaths of the last few episodes. also, a significant number of earlier loops involve them basically negging Roswell into believing that Isaak hired outside help (The Boys) with security bc they weren’t cutting it anymore (rude). I much prefer the geologists gambit they go with in the GN.

Diamonds

Paloma’s prophecies cost money in the podcast, so a lot of The Boys’ shenanigans (and a significant number of loops) are in pursuit of getting cash. which, in Refuge, is diamonds. Some examples: 

Before figuring out that you can’t take objects with you, the boys do straight up take some diamonds from the bank post-robbery. 

Taako gets Ren and a patron of her bar, Ash, to sign up and pay for a seminar/magic lesson he’ll be giving tomorrow (one of my all-time fav scenes). This leads to a touching scene at the end when the bubble finally comes down where Taako gives Ren a little certificate that says “first graduate of Taako’s Amazing School of Magic.”

Magnus tries to armwrestle a guy for cash (Merle’s idea), and though he rolls a 27 Strength check, the Goliath barbarian he’s rolling against gets a 28.

Paloma offers 1 diamond for a small prophecy, 10 for a big one. in the GN they aren’t differentiated, and one small prophecy just doesn’t show up as it’s not needed.

the taz fandom wiki has a handy list of all the prophecies she gives in the podcast

ok! let’s go!

Prologue (the bit before ch 1)

this isn’t in the 11th hour podcast.

the information we get about The Visitor in the 11th hour (from The Boys asking various Refuge residents) is that

Jack and June brought them to Refuge

or, they brought Jack and June to Refuge. We hear both things at different times.

they’re depicted in the statue as having a Red Robe and being kinda broad-shouldered.

Roswell never met them. At first they refer to The Visitor with he/him pronouns, but then mention “I say ‘he’, I didn’t know them”

they tended to keep their face hidden (maybe?)

that’s pretty much it

we learn about this interaction much much much much much later in the podcast, not as a scene that is played out, but abstractly as an event that happened, after we find out who The Visitor is. 

that said, I LOVE this scene’s inclusion and expansion. it makes total sense to me.

Jack is never described as having a sketchbook or being an artist. this will come back later. 

the final scene of the arc in the podcast is instead June giving Magnus some previous designs for the statue of Jack, June, & a Red Robe/The Visitor in the middle of town, with a version where the hood of the robe is down and the face of the Red Robe/The Visitor is visible.

Ch. 1

this is where the podcast starts at episode 1 of the 11th hr. 

boyland’s funeral is very accurate. his comically large family of 400 sons (mentioned in CK podcast) is why the Voidfish lights up like that.

the only real differences I could find were:

in the podcast what is erased is basically boyland’s personnel file. like, a report or write-up of who he is and his work for the BoB. johann writing songs about boyland’s life is new.

the only pronouns ever used for the voidfish in the podcast are they/them, it/its, and occasionally he/him. past taz graphic novels have used they/them. on pg 13 of 11th hr, both Johann and Merle use she/her for the voidfish.

I do not like this, but I have a suspicion as to why, and I don’t like that either. see spoiler-y observations at the end for more.

they merged this scene with a scene from the skipped lunar interlude before CK, where The Boys take cpt. cpt. bane’s “file” to the voidfish to be eaten.

 I described this in my other posts, but the two things relevant here are Magnus putting his hand up on the glass and vibing w the voidfish, and this exhange b/w Johann and The Boys:

Johann: When I, um, can I ask you guys a question?

Magnus: Sure.

Taako: Of course, Johann.

Johann: Are you guys really okay with, with this part of the deal?

Magnus: That we get forgot?

Taako: Which part?

Johann: Yeah, are you cool with like, if you beef it down there, the world just forgets about you?

Magnus: Well, I’m not planning on ever dying.

in the podcast, bc Avi isn’t there, Angus operates the cannons (Avi showed him how before he left). he is extremely nervous about it and about killing them on accident. once they’re in the orb taako casts stoneskin on himself “just in case”, but everything works out totally fine, though avi mentions when The Boys land that the stoneskin should’ve thrown off the trajectory.

the gn keeps the spirit of taako trusting no one without the angus psychological damage by having him just cast a better version of the spell angus cast, and I am a fan.

the leveling up stats aren’t right in the book, as I’m sure every dnd 5e nerd has already tweeted about.

they’re all level 10, so magnus should be a level 8 fighter and a level 2 rogue bc 2+8=10, while the other two boys are still just a level 10 cleric and a level 10 wizard bc they didn’t multiclass.

fantasy costco-wise: aside from the stuff they have in the book (all things they do own in the podcast, though hole-thrower and the feather-weight cuirass were from the fantasy gachapon), merle picks up matthias the living grimoire, magnus gets the magnetic charge and the tarantula bracelet, and taako gets the arcane trickster’s glove (no wiki page rip it just gives you some arcane trickster powers) and mockingbird gum.

they beat up the baby worms more before letting them go, it’s a full battle

Ch. 2

in the podcast, when they go through the barrier, they find themselves in an empty white space where they see an old woman holding the cup. she says “It’s you!” with recognition upon seeing them, and then says “find me” before they wake up.

important: every time the boys die in the podcast, they go back to this space briefly before waking up.

sometimes the woman gives a cryptic message, sometimes not, and in their later loops, the woman collapses, breathing heavily.

we find out in the end that this woman is June - she has a whole extended de-aging sequence later that they probably cut so poor Carey didn’t have to do a bajillion character models for June at different ages just for a few panels of dramatic effect.

pg 36 - to head off any dnd 5e nitpickers, Magnus does not have proficiency in rustic hospitality, since that’s not a skill. Magnus does have a character feat called “Rustic Hospitality” that he chose at level 1.

claiming to have proficiency in things you can’t possibly have proficiency in is a longstanding goof both in taz and among people who play dnd 5e in general, because it’s funny.

in the book, they intercut each loop with a scene from lunar interlude 3, and it works really really well. we’ll get to those scenes as they come up.

Is this the first time someone uses he/him for The Red Robe in the gn series? (Roswell says ‘his’)

in the podcast Roswell mentions having never met the visitor, and comments “I say “he”, but I don’t know.”

in the GN, when The Boys tell the director about The Red Robe in CK they use they/them pronouns and so does the director, but after this, even @ the end of the book after Taako guesses that The Red Robe they’ve been talking to isn’t the same Red Robe from Refuge, he and the other boys continue to use he/him for The Red Robe.

“Mystic Analysis”

he just did an arcana check in the podcast, I don’t think Taako had Identify as a spell, which is what the DND equivalent would be. 

they also don’t figure out that Roswell has a command word until much later, during the Diary Of Sheriff Isaak scene.

Griffin basically says “[they’re] an earth elemental, with a bird on [them], and earth elementals don’t generally have birds on them, so maybe it was just nearby when the spell was cast and got caught up in it”

Cassidy

in the podcast, she’s in jail for blowing up the temple of Istus, which she didn’t do.

GN Ren mentions later on that the temple got “un-built” which references how in the podcast the temple suddenly aged a matter of centuries in seconds, so from the outside it looked kind of explode-y. and cassidy is known for blowing shit up, so she was blamed. she also theorizes that it might be racism due to her half-orc heritage.

in the GN, cassidy’s arrested for trespassing on the closed mines, which she absolutely has done. it makes more sense, and eliminates a major plot point they cut from the book

she is otherwise pretty much the same, I love her very much

Paloma pretty much stays in her cottage in the podcast rather than sneaking around.

the fantastic exchange of “you guys have been here 45 minutes, what the fuck did you bring with you?!” “you should see what we can do in an hour!” is 100% verbatim from the podcast.

in the podcast, Ren is dead the first bank fire (and in most subsequent bank fires). she also wasn’t one of the bandits, or involved with the bank robbery at all

in fact, in the loop where The Boys were doing the bank robbery, she unexpectedly came in, recognized Taako, and almost blew their cover.

With so little time left on the clock, Taako cast Banishment on her to keep her safe and out of the way, but she made her saving throw - so it didn’t work, but she knew Taako tried to cast some spell on her, and there was a somber moment of her falling backwards trying to get away from him, tears in her eyes.

look it’s a good lil character moment

I can’t emphasize enough how brutal the first description of the bank fire and subsequent world-ending is. Griffin pulled 0 punches.

Magnus rushes in and he describes the scene like “you see a guy, who looks like this. they’re dead. you see two guards. they’re dead. you see a woman holding a tray of diamonds. she’s dead. you see this person, also dead. you see a dwarven bank teller. she might be alive, but it’s hard to tell, and if she was she is on the brink of death”

I think the boys, brogden, and maybe one of the purple-kerchief ruffians (which is how they are described in the podcast) survived the first one, and everyone else died in that bank. it felt so brutal listening to it the first time because you (and the boys) didn’t know about the loop yet, so it was just. horrifying.

I love how they pulled in off in the GN!!! the clock hands are just *chef kiss*

just before Griffin describes the destruction of Refuge, Travis interjects, “Ditto, did you base this on Majora’s Mask?”

while Griffin does not respond in the moment, he later confirms that Travis is correct.

Griffin’s description of the fiery deaths of The Boys: “And you’re being crushed by the shattered earth as it compresses down into the ground. And you hear an anguished scream come from something massive and furious, and all three of you have died…And there’s something about the dying that feels familiar.”

“and then you wake up.” hardcut to end of episode music. v epic.

Ch. 3 (i s2g they’re not all going to be this detailed the major plot differences are mostly out of the way now)

as mentioned, the scenes between each loop in the gn happen in Lunar Interlude III (transcript) (episode) - each of The Boys got to choose a scene to have in between arcs and Justin chose to have Taako give Angus magic lessons.

they’re all more abstract in the eps (Taako establishes a recurring time and place to give Angus lessons, and we get scenes from earlier vs later lessons, various shenanigans, etc.) but the major points are actually pretty much the same, just condensed into one scene in the book.

also taako giving magic lessons in his quarters makes 100% sense, but in the podcast they did it in the cafeteria, and that’s where the LUP is burned into the wall. significant? potentially.

in the podcast angus had made some macarons for taako but forgot to flavor them (he nailed the texture though which is hard to do in a macaron) so he asked taako to prestidigitate them better and then scorching ray happened and blasted em to shreds.

LUP. dude. I thought it was an acronym when I first heard it, bc in the podcast, Griffin says “So your staff, you lost control of it and you blasted the letters “L-U-P” into the wall.” Seeing it in cursive, all gorgeous and capitalized like a proper noun? knocked me the fuck out.

another dnd 5e tiny detail: in the gn, the description for Angus’ first wand says “wonderful stocking stuffer for the young sorcerer in your life”

i could have a whole conspiracy board about this.

skip this if you’re not super into dnd 5e mechanics

the difference (in dnd 5e) b/w a wizard, a warlock, and a sorcerer is:

wizard: gets magic from study and practice - taako is a wizard bc he studied spellcraft and learned how to do it.

warlock: gets magic from making a deal with something/someone far more magical than themselves - garfield is a warlock, so his magic stems from a deal he made with something (the devil??)

sorcerer: has innate magic within them.

this could come from a myriad of places, but usually from heritage or bloodline - maybe your great-grandfather was a god or a dragon or a demon or a djinn or something, or maybe your mom touched a weird rock as a kid and got magic powers that she passed onto you when she had you.

in the podcast, angus is only ever referred to as a wizard. makes sense - regular boy + magic training from taako = wizard boy.

but if he’s a sorcerer, the magic really was in him all along. is taako teaching him to channel it? does he know?

this also fits with a weirdly popular headcanon the taz community had for a while about angus secretly being a silver dragon (in dnd, color = different abilities, diff personality, etc, and silver ones like to shapeshift and pretend to be humans sometimes).

“draconic bloodline” is one of the most common sorcerer backgrounds - it basically just means ‘a dragon got involved at some point in this family tree, so now you can cast ray of frost’.

hmmmmmmm

end conspiracy theory

It is at this point that I lost my damn book. so. I’m just gonna post this bc the next graphic novel is coming out soon and I want to post it before then. If i find my book I’ll finish it up. If you have post-chapter 3 differences you noticed that aren’t already covered, feel free to reply/reblog with them!

Spoiler-y Observations Below!

CAUTION: contains spoilers for the rest of taz balance!

*voidfish speculation: my suspicion is that they’re using ‘she’ for the voidfish to foreshadow that they have a baby, so that makes them a “mother”? i call bullshit, but i’ve heard it used before as a justification for misgendering an enby who gives birth. obvs the voidfish is not a human being, people can have multiple pronouns, it’s not a 1:1 comparison, but i for one (as an enby myself) really liked the voidfish using they/them and feel oddly betrayed at them suddenly changing the pronouns. fingers crossed that there’s a different reason.

"what am statue” is low-key foreshadowing since magnus says it

merle knowing what relativistic time dilation is

LUP was burnt into the wall in the cafeteria in the podcast - lucretia would’ve seen it for sure. so they put it in taako’s room this time...

aw no ‘sorry about the cookies little man’

In 5 or however many years when gn series ends, someone should do a poll of people who only read the graphic novels and see if any of them pronounce “Lup” weird since they’ve only ever seen it written down.

hero wreathed in flames 0.0 I hope Joaquin is still there in the finale but I like the duality here

BATTLEAXEPROFICIENCYEASTEREGG

SNEAK PEEK AT THE HUNGER SNEAK PEEK AT THE STARBLASTER AAAAAAAA

257 - ‘I know him better than you could ever imagine’ because he created you? Oof ouch ow my bones. also....the magnus that made the cup was a very different person from magnus now. it’s not what Julia would want - the cup never met julia, obvs, and does not know the ways she changed him for the better.

Bottom of 327 - sweet Angus boy are you drawing something on that orb?

Istus is like you’ve been serving me your whole lives without knowing it in the podcast - maybe a bit too much foreshadowing for the GN

[moe-broey]

GOD SORRY. I am just SO fucking ALL OVER THE PLACE. I'm definitely struggling w like, wanting to do Too Many Things all at once. Head too full, running in circles about it.

So I'm just. Gonna drop ONE (1) very messy low-poly sketch in full, I do really wanna continue working on it bc I def feel like it'll be esp pretty in color, BUT. I'M ALREADY WORKING ON SOMETHING ELSE I'm planning on coloring.... some OTHER impulse shitpost comic............ I'd LIKE. To maybe get one thing off my chest and mind so I can exclusively focus on the other.

Okay. Slides you this.

Like it's a dumbass shitpost but this particular post has lived in my head for a while. Actually. As something Freyja would say to antagonize Moe.

Like... my idea here is Freyja is realizing her target has changed. She's trying to reach into the insecurities and fears of her new target. She has No Idea what "on-line" means. She's also an otherworldly goddess with a haughty holier-than-thou attitude and she's largely just entirely incomprehensible.

I think... for reasons you may be able to guess. Beyond the general plot points we're following, here. Freyja, on a personal level, ESPECIALLY has something she wants to "prove" to Moe specifically. She has a wounded ego and it's showing. She's just lashing out, really. And Moe happens to be a really convenient target, on top of her main goal (trapping the Order in the nightmare realm). Spoiler Alert: Her first attempt does backfire. Counter Spoiler Alert: She very quickly bounces back and, correctly this time, determines just what might be Moe's greatest weakness.

Also.

The Panic RAPIDLY beginning to set in as you realize that is NOT your brother that's your fuckass healer who's always on the back lines For A Reason who's always saying The Wrong Thing and is always just So Scareds.

Again, low-poly for now, but I esp like Sharena's pose!!! She's VERY MUCH dashing in like, ooohkay I don't know what to expect but if you're Moe now I'm worried about you fighting A Real Battle with a sword. Let me make up the difference! Please.

Inspo if I fucking. Forget to ever return to this (very possible given how I am.)

[mossy-rainfrog]

Build A Cowboy Round 5!

Hi good evening sorry for vanishing OK SO i mentioned in the tags of my first poll that this cowboy is not just going to be a vaguely historical cowboy, but from a Very specific time frame, because of the fic that his partner Javi exists in. That being said, there is a lot to unpack here with this! The time period exactly is 1841, the setting is Texas (because I am texan and we are predictable) and oh my god this is one of the most insane times for a character to be from texas 😭

Our cowboy will have in fact lived through the Mexican War of Independence (1810-1821), the Texas Revolution (1835-1836), tx's CRINGEFAIL attempt at self governing, rapidly approaching our annexation into the US in 1844-5, and then coming right up on the fuckign CIVIL WAR in 1861. These guys deeply understand the concept of "get me the fuck out of the interesting times, im sick of the interesting times". im so sorry cowboys, you can blame Herman Melville for this.

anyways yall didnt come here for a history lesson but you are in fact going to get one because i am insufferable first and an artist second :) and also as a note, race and backstory are always intertwined things but Especially when it is fuckign 1841 so. yeah exercise caution, there will be discussion of racism, medical close-calls, and anti-indigenous genocide. PLEASE ACTUALLY READ THE BACKGROUNDS BEFORE CHOOSING ONE! you dont have to read the sources. those are just there because i have autism. 👍

DETAILS BELOW THE READMORE BC I GOT WAYYY TOO WORDY⬇️

BACKSTORY A: Black Cowboy fled Texas* to Oklahoma with his family after the revolution, now travels up the trade routes breaking wild horses, passing along abolitionist messages, and assisting refugees. A miracle baby surviving a cleft lip with limited surgery and sustained permanent hearing damage as a result, he took up the trade of horsebreaking with flying colors, keeping right up with his older brothers. A sharp shot, keen eye, and a talented horseman, his best trained horses help him identify sounds that he otherwise can't hear. Loosely familiar with PSL, but primarily used a mix of lip-reading, localized/community generated sign growing up.

* After the US aided Texas in staging a coup against Mexico and declaring independence, an ordinance passed in 1836 that fully banished free Black people from the region unless they had personal pardon from Congress. This ordinance was not passed without pushback, and it changed shape and restriction over the years as people of color such as Joseph Tate, John and Charity Bird, Diana Leonard, Allen Dimery, and more all fought for their right to their own lands and lives. The law eventually settled into what was known as the Ashworth Act in 1840, which allowed free Black people to stay IF they had been residing in the state before 1836. It certainly wasn't the victory many had hoped, and even though many free Black persons in Texas were granted pardon to stay, like the Ashworths who the act was named after, many others were forced to leave after their allotted time was up, and were threatened with the future of slavery should they return. thank you texas history for being a vile piece of shit 👍

BACKSTORY B: Mexican/Tejano Vaquero from West Texas whose family has been ranching and cattle driving for decades. Has no interest in moving post-revolution, fuck you very much. If the borders are going to cross his family without asking*, then there's no need to cross them back. Technically lives with his family, but spends extensive periods of time away from home on cattle drives. Steady-handed, steadfast, quick to keep his herd safe. Miraculously survived a cleft lip as a baby and sustained permanent hearing damage** as a result, but that didn't stop his father from teaching him everything he knew, nor our man from taking to it like a fish to water. Knows more about cattle driving than you will ever forget.

*Some brief notes on the borders shifting and alienating people in their own rightful land.

**There was no official sign language of Mexico until the first Deaf school was established in 1869, but he and his family likely have a community-based one that works for them.

BACKSTORY C: Coahuiltecan (specifically Payaya)* cowboy, farrier, and leatherworker. Picked up the line of work as family was pushed to assimilate, one of the few still claiming Coahuiltecan identity at this time**, and has made a good living for himself and his sisters with it. Like the others, miraculously survived a cleft lip as a child but sustained permanent hearing damage as a result. Knows Plains Indian Sign fluently, and also relies on the direction of his horse for picking up sudden sounds before he can spot them. Tries to keep his work as local as possible to avoid separation from family for long, and whenever that is necessary, makes sure to come back soon.

*Note: Coahuiltecan is a term referring to several northern-Mexican and southern-Texan autonomous groups with distinct cultural differences. However, since Spanish and French colonizers lumped these groups together, an immense amount of distinguishing knowledge has since been lost.

** Also note: the Tāp Pīlam Coahuiltecan Nation is still very much around today (check out their site!) but nearing the mid 19th century, people at least claiming/listing this heritage on legal documents dwindled immensely for a variety of reasons.

[specialgradefckr]

Heyyo! I'm usually just a lurker, but your Heatwave series has been absolutely incredible and I had to write in. I'm not usually an ABO fan, but you are rapidly changing my mind. Started with the Yuuta/Rika piece and loved your characterization of that sad eyed dude. Sweet and mostly passive while also being fully aware of reader-chan's BS.

Day 4 tho??? 🥵🔥🥵 I'm a more recent Gojo convert and oh my stars, "...you think for a moment he sounds like a dog toy. You think you want to make him your dog toy." Arrogant, but also whiney and pathetic Gojo really hits for me. The Pining? Phenomenal.

Just wanted to gas you up a bit and let you know what an excellent writer you are. Totally looking forward to the rest of the Heatwave series and whatever else your big brain cooks up in the future! 😊

wanted to gas you up a bit

awwhhhhHHh THANK YOUUUU 🥺 i super appreciate it!!!

honestly i started this blog recently and i've been trying not to compare the numbers but sometimes i get discouraged, you know? like, i AM doing it for the art (i knew day 3 was not gonna get a lot of love) but i'm posting it bc it makes me happy to see people enjoying it.

it's super encouraging to hear from you (and all the others who leave comments or reblog etc.) that my work is doing well.

i'm trying to be more critical of my own writing, fix things i don't like about it, and sometimes i need a reminder that it's still worthwhile and enjoyable to read even when i feel like it could have been better.

I've been writing like? All 10 of the Heatwave prompts concurrently, and while it means I have all of them drafted and partly written rn, it also means I switch between them a lot.

Inevitably I start to kinda. Lose the plot sometimes of a scene I'm trying to write skdfhglsdhg like the intro to the Yuta fic was SOOOO long actually and it was rambling about social phenomena with alphas, basically the omegaverse version of red pill dudes LMAOOO

and that was also supposed to lead in to like. the idea of what a REAL alpha is. the non-gendered values of leadership, protectiveness, and actually being sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of people around them (a crucial trait for someone in a leadership position).

and yuta fits those things SO WELL. he is CONSTANTLY worried about the people around them, how they feel and what they think. he admires the shit out of his classmates who like, tried to attack him when they first met fghskjdfgh. he wants to protect them but he never looks down on them.

later in the manga we see that yuta's consideration and empathy isn't just for his classmates. he cares a lot even for people who are very capable of protecting themselves - he cares about their feelings.

so i just knew like. yuta and tsundere reader. yuta who can see though your fussiness because he's always been perceptive.

yuta who thinks you're hot bc he has a constant boner for strong women but also has a deep yearning to see you be honest and vulnerable with him, and goes feral for it.

yuta who you can be vulnerable with because you know him and his gentle smile, his kind words, how he looks up to you even though he's a special grade and stronger than you'll ever be,, hhhh....

but yeah anyways. *grasps you and shakes you by the shoulder* GOJO. GOJO SATORU BEING HIS PATHETIC NEEDY SELF. GOJO BEING YOUR SQUEAKY TOY AND LOVING EVERY SECOND OF IT -

tmi but "fuck me until i sound like a dog toy" is actually something a previous partner said to me??? i've never been much of a top but hearing that just kinda had me... hsdfgjhdsg HHHHHH

i think a major part of gojo's appeal is how he can be arrogant and pretty AND sultry all at once. there's something utterly delicious about a slutty confident man who is also crying screaming throwing up for you to let him put it in you skdhflsdhg

next heatwave fic is sdkfgsdlhgshg uhhhHHhh different from the ones you have read, it's a yandere piece with gojo and geto.

After that it's another gojo piece i think you'll REALLY like >.> masochist!gojo is a favorite headcanon of mine and i was actually super hyped writing some of the smut there so far hehe.

glad you've enjoyed so far! more to come for sure ;)

[venomgender]

Just read your posts about the new SL ragnarok manhwa and, honestly i think this is a discerivce to the novel since all of the aspects that you have ranted about are not as present in there as they are in the manhwa.

For example you said suho isnt like what jinwoo was on the first chapters. And you are right, Suho in the Ln didnt fight the possesed hunters but rather he had to rescue civilians while dealing with possed unawakened people who acted like zombies. They were many but they were far far weaker, and even there he didnt fully succed in helping everyone since time wasnt on his side at all. His fight there even ended with him being almost killed by a wolf until Beru swooped in to save him. And the rest of the chapters as well, Suhos less of a prodogy and more of a tactiful guy trying to get out of insanely dangerous situations. In a sense he is weak but instead of rapidly getting stronger, he gets more creative with the way he is going to win his fights.

Also Suhos backstory in the novel wasnt... supposed to appear until much later. In the first chapters his personality is meaner (tho still funny) because he just got word that his parents are in fact alive and from then on his only focus is getting strong. Its not until some chapters later (due to two events that I wont spoil) that Suho's own turmoil about the loss of his parents is shown and how that affected his personality as well as the relationship with the rest of his family.

(btw when i say long i really mean that most of these is supposed to appear 100 chapters later, and I mean I get showing it now would be good too. BUT THEY DIDNT! THEY DIDNT PUT ANY EFFORT IN SHOWING IT! They just brough in some points with NONE of the weight and context that the light novel had set upon and decided to COMPLETELY CHANGE other things as well!! I could go on a rant of the changes the horrible pay offs but look at this wall of text, its big enough as it is.)

As for the telling and showing, they could have done so SO well with the showing seeing that daul takes a lot of time to extend his characters (like a lot lot), helping to show their personalities through actions could have crammmed in more of an impact to the relationships in SL ragnarok as well, the best example i can get right now is how they executed Dogyun and Suho's interaction, even with some changes thrown, and others cut, the scene was nice because 1)faithful to the story and their characters (in this case dogyuns own problems that werent shown in the manhwa but were in the ln) 2)we got to see the panels of Dogyun hesitating, him deducting about the fight, the extra scenes where hes not trying to leave suho behind. i think these scene was adapted well. I could say the same for the fight with the goblins where it did show new scenes but still relied on suho being his tactiful self like in the novel.

Oh boi did i need to get this out from my chest. and I hope i didnt come of as mean in any of this, im mostly just frustated at the adaptation (even if i still love it) its just that i was having so many expectations considering how the light novel was on its focus of characters, and yeah i can get 'oh this is what happens to all adaptations' and 'they are taking creative liberties because its hard to adapt a book to a webnovel' but one thing is 'I will change the fight to make it cooler or leave out introspective dialogue of the characters bc you cant fit it in the manhwa in any form' and another is 'I will actively change two of the most important key points of the story, kill a character that is very crucial to the next arcs, give the characters op skills that arent supposed to appear until FAAAR later, and decide to make him op by himself instead of relying on those around him and on other external factors because the whole point of Suho is that he ISNT solo leveling, he isnt walking this path alone and--- considering his affection to help others even during very difficult desicions where he could just grab all the op stuff for himself but no--- he doesnt walk this path alone, he is leveling up but so can others to protect the state of the world out of their own choice (which is something jinwoo didnt want because he wanted everyone to be rid of the strugles he went through, and both thoughts are valid imo). He is walking this path not to overtake his father's struggles but to walk alongside him, and to let him know he truly isnt alone as he thinks he is. This fucking novel I swear---

MAN THATS CRAZY.... god. i hate when adaptations ruin things that literally sucks so bad.... maybe i will have to go read the novel because as it the manhwa is on such thin fucking ice for me but the story itself truky does seem promising... and from what you said all of my beef comes from stupid adaptation decisions they made. man...

[fairlyxlocal]

long genesis headcanon post -- in the form of discord messages, so these are basically notes.

there's talk about prion disease!

also an immune system disorder. this is a bit more vague and was speculation based on how i think his body would respond to the jenova cells making his body deteriorate. lots of speculation! and just... how things at least have gone on my blog. i know i could include a lot more, and this does fall into an interest of mine so i'm sure there'll be more.

i do not think his friends would have the slightest fucking clue as to what's going on and were likely lied to. like. no they're not gonna know that his has a brain disease, that his body is falling apart & attacking itself. and they're not going to be told that. they were DEFINITELY not told about how genesis was nudged into finding answers for himself. angeal probably lives with a sense of guilt bc he did hurt genesis, and it was pretty bad (which allegedly triggered the body falling apart thing, but shhhh ive changed so much anyway shhh) its a fucking mess. as far as ange and seph are told, gen just…. went off the deep end. left them. abandoned them.

gen's not in a mental state to tell anyone what's going on. it's all happening so fast, the mako and the jenova cells are fighting to keep him functional + somewhat alive but its a fucking disaster. i think like. it progresses prett rapidly (for how they typically would), even with mako and jenova cells in mind. then the fact that he's getting roughed up REAL fucking good like. doesn't help. his body cant really fight off infection/patch up injuries. like. hoo. so ofc he dies.

so genesis dies as a traitor. the villian. someone who abandoned his friends with no reason. who did these awful things for no reason whatsoever.

and when he comes back… he can't talk about it. how do you even begin to talk about that shit show. why talk about it? it changes nothing. he still did those things. he can't even tell them about the flesh eating demon thing, so why would he tell them about the fact that he was dying and his body was doing things that couldn't be stopped? nothing would be changed.

his brain deteriorating is the result of a prion disease. CJD specifically. it genuinely just. happened. very unexpected given his age, and the news was not broken to him gently. it's hard to handle being told you only have a year left to live. being treated like a failure. mocked (maybe not actually mocked jut that's how it feels). Genesis lucks out in anyway. he dies in a few months (three?). i don't have a full timeline established and I'm side eyeing how fast stuff happens in games. I'll get there. his body is also. deteriorating but that is for sure because of the jenova cells. HOWEVER I'm thinking it's a bit of like. his body is attacking itself and the jenova cells. that would've been enough to kill him.

[11:23 PM]so. genesis was always going to die.

[11:23 PM]his immune system becomes virtually nonexistent, blah blah blah

[ndbookstudy]

lester levenson, keys to the ultimate freedom, session 3.

(these are all quotes, so don't read it as a whole post bcs it wouldn't make sense lol)

The whole object on the path is to let go of the ego. What remains is your Self.

The only growth there is, is the eliminating of the ego.

Ego is the sense of “I am an individual separate from the All.” In the extreme, it is egotism.

Growth is transcending yourself, your habitual self, which is none other than ego.

Growth is the ego getting out of its misery.

Recognize that all joy is nothing but your Self, more or less.

There is no happiness except that of experiencing your Self. When you see that, it makes the path very direct. You stop chasing the rainbow and you go for the happiness where you know it is, right within you.

Everything you are seeking, you are, and very foolishly saying you are not. That's part of the enigma: everything everyone is seeking with such intensity, one has, and much more.

“It,” is you, when you say, “I,” that is the Infinite. Great big joke! Here you are infinite looking for your Self, which you are!

When anyone says he is not a master, he is lying.

Your effort should be for proper identity. Identify with your Self!

Spiritual advancement is determined by how much you identify with your real Self.

The ego is very tricky. It often talks us out of this path for a short period of time, sometimes for a longer period of time. But once we've gotten into it, we usually almost always come back to it. So you have to be careful of the trickery of the ego-part of us. It can really take us away. No matter how far we have advanced on the path, the ego is always a treacherous companion that can take us off the path, and sometimes for an entire lifetime.

This is something we should be on guard against. The ego- sense latches on and says, “I am God. It latches onto the progress and it feels good and it says. “I am It” and by doing so it sabotages further growth.

When you recognize the opposition of the ego, you can let go of it. After practice it is easy and after you let go of enough ego, you just naturally feel the peace and joy of your Self.

It's actually a path of taking on more and more of your natural state of being infinite. You give up limitation. You give up misery. But you never give up anything worthwhile. You never give up anything good.

On this path you constantly give up trouble.

The first teacher is misery. It is usually the first thing that causes us to seek the way out.

First we start on the path to escape misery. Then we taste the Self and want It because It tastes so good.

On the path you never give up anything, you just take on more and more of what you really want until you have the All.

Take it for the sweetness that's in it, not to get out of the bitterness that's out of it.

We discover that we never give up anything on the spiritual path but our self-imposed bandages and miseries.

If you are weakly for the path, you are strongly for the sense-world.

You think you can't, that's why you can't.

It's only the thought “I can't do it,” that stops you from doing it.

Those who can’t, don't really want to.

Your growth depends only on you.

It will happen as fast as you can do it.

The only one who is going to change you, is you!

Wishing won't do it, nor will trying. You have got to do it!

Good intentions are no substitute for right action.

To change more rapidly, expect it!

You must have a very strong desire to change because you are such a victim of habit that you want the world as much as a drowning man wants air. To offset that, you must want to know your Self as much as a drowning man wants air.

Your success is determined by your desire for it. If you get discouraged, you are not really interested.

Your only real friend is you. Your only real enemy is you. You are an enemy to yourself to the degree you limit your Self. You are a friend to yourself to the degree you de-limit yourself.

What you do to yourself, it being your own doing, only you can undo it. You did it. You must undo it.

This entire path is a do-it-yourself path.

Do what is available to you to do. Do your best.

Every experience is to bless you, not to hurt you. If you stay in accord with principle, you will come out higher!

Every place and every situation in life presents an opportunity for growth.

The best place to grow is right where you are. The best time is now.

Be thankful for the opportunities to grow.

The greatest of all tests are those at home, with your immediate family. Therefore, home is an excellent place to grow.

A lot of spiritual growth can be had by practicing the real selfless love on your mate and family.

It is a good opportunity to grow when people are saying things about you, opposing you. It gives you a chance to practice the real Love. It gives you a chance to practice the real Peace. Because they are making sounds with their mouths is no reason why you should feel bad about it. Opposition is a very healthy thing. It provokes and firms growth.

It is necessary to remember that everyone can be our teacher. If we react to praise or pleasantries, that is developing ego. If we're depressed on criticism, that is ego. When we are our Self, there is no reacting.

There isn't anything that happens that can't be used. There's no incident that cannot be used as a teacher.

Every minute of every day should be used to grow by.

If we assume that we are there and we are not, circumstances soon awaken us to the fact that we are not.

If you tell others of your high experiences, of your gains, because of their jealousy, they say, “Ah, who does she think she is?” And that works against you and tends to pull you down.

Anytime you brag about anything, you're inviting a test of it. So, I warn you, if you are growing into these things, when they start coming, unless you're so sure you know by experience you can't lose it, its better not to tell anyone.

Be proud of your spiritual accomplishments. Be happy with them. Be proud of them to yourself.

When you have false spiritual pride you invite a challenge of the thing that you are proud of.

It is necessary to do away with doubts.

It takes more than faith. It takes knowledge. You start with faith, but you must convert it to knowledge. You must test it out, and then you know it.

In order to really understand, we must experience the knowledge.

When you experience, it is no longer intellectual.

You can get understanding without being able to put it into words.

The only maturity there is, is spiritual understanding.

Stand ye out and be different and don't let the others trick you back into where you were. It's not easy. It takes fortitude.

We should try to go all the way. To us it is given to do that. We have the possibility of going all the way back home, right to the Absolute.

Expect infinity, no more. You cannot expect too much.

Toe the line to the very end. The more you toe the line the sooner the end.

Every gain is an eternal gain. Every step forward you make now is forever.

We climb a ladder and each time we get up to another rung we forget about the rungs below. Then, when we get to the top, we kick the ladder a way.

The proof of this subject is the result you get.

The more you grow the less you feel the need to grow.

The higher you go the less the incentive to go further.

You never learn anything by disproving; you learn only by proving.

Studying the illusion helps make it real. If you want to know the Truth, don't study the opposite.

The whole process of growth is letting go of thoughts. When our thoughts are totally eliminated, there is nothing left but the Self.

Don't try to complicate it; it's too simple.

We can only expand out of the ego. The Self is.

Growth is letting go of being what you are not.

Let go of your ego, and be your Self!

As you grow, the whole world opens wide for you, you experience so much more. However, even if you have this whole world, you've only got a dot. Take the whole cosmos!

Longing for liberation is the key. Once you get that you'll be carried all the way.

In our desire to attain liberation or realization we are helped to the degree that we help all others.

Grow to the point where your whole attention is off you and on others.

Why shouldn't we all be masters, all of us, here and now?

The moment we decide to be the Self,-really decide,-it is so!

The higher you go, the more non-difference comes. You accept the leaders of all religions alike.

Having peace under ideal conditions isn't indicative of spiritual growth, it is escape.

When people are not growing they are going in the opposite direction.

You should thank those who oppose you because they give you an unusual opportunity for growth.

When we start concerning ourselves with what they are doing, we're turning away from what we are doing.

You need constant confirmation until you don’t need it anymore.

Perseverance is necessary.

Adversity is a prod to growth.

The more intense the crises in this world, the more we have an opportunity to grow.

It would be so fast if people would, with constant, intense effort ask: What am I?

When you get the answer to What am I?, then you have control over your body and mind.

If there is anything you don't like out there, there is a need to change yourself.

You may see fully who you are and not be able to maintain it. What happens is that, being the infinite Self, we can get a glimpse of the infinite, hold it for a while, and then suddenly feel as though we've lost it. The reason for that is that the mind has not been eliminated. The subconscious thoughts of limitation are submerged for the moment. You may go completely into your Self and let go of the mind temporarily. You haven't eliminated the mind, you just momentarily let go of it. So there you are, for the moment, totally the infinite Self.

However, the mind that has been submerged, re-emerges and then the ego takes over and you just can't understand what happened to you, what brought you back into the heaviness of the world again. What is required is that we re-establish that state of the Self again and again until it becomes permanent. Each time we do it, we scorch more of the mind, until finally we have scorched the entire mind. Then we are permanently established in the Self. Then you sit back and the mind is out there and the body is out there and you are not the mind, you are not the body. As long as you know you are not the mind and the body, both of them can go on to their heart's content, and you know that they cannot touch you.

[literallyjusttoa]

Very interested in the story of concussion Apollo's dad gave him

👀

-@ukelele-boy

Yes yessss let me explain! I think I’ve covered this incident before but I’ve changed it a lil bit so here we go!

Apollo had spent years being his father’s “golden child”. He had  perfect grades, joined every honor’s society, was top of all them sports teams, all that jazz. Any failure, or even just Apollo expressing that he was tired and burnt out, led to passive aggressive (or just straight up aggressive) attacks from his father. Apollo had to be perfect, and he had to be happy about it too. All of this was extremely damaging to Apollo’s psyche, but he pushed through his rapidly worsening mental state and any injuries his father gave him, bc he reasoned that he was just putting on a happy face to help keep the family together, or keep his father calm so that he didn’t lash out at any of the other siblings. 

Everything kept building up until Apollo graduates high school. Apollo really, really, didn’t want to go to law school, which his father was pushing onto him. Instead, he applied to a nearby med school, hoping that the prestige of such a job would pacify Zeus. Instead, Zeus became enraged that Apollo went behind his back about this, and the two of them got into an incredibly violent row. For the first time, the rest of the family got a view of how Zeus treated Apollo behind closed doors, and the fighting escalated until Zeus ended up pushing the stairs of their home, giving him a severe concussion alongside several other more minor injuries (two fractures, and a lot of bruises) Honestly, if Apollo was in peak condition he might not have gotten so hurt, but the stress of this entire situation had made him skip meals and lose sleep, so he wasn’t able to catch himself in any way. The whole thing got Apollo hospitalized. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for Apollo, and when he woke up in the hospital, he told the nurses he didn’t want any visitors, and began the difficult process of cutting off the rest of his family.

As I said in the last post about this, Apollo now suffers from fits of insomnia and narcolepsy, migraines, and vertigo, but he also suffers from a lot of short term memory loss, which is really kicking his ass when it comes to med school. ALSO, like I said before, Apollo doesn’t actually want to go to med school. He just feels like 1) he’s already started, so he has to see it through, and 2) he’s still a bit caught up in the ideal of perfection that’s been pushed on him his whole life. It’s only through seeing his own past reflected in Jason, and fearing that he’ll get hurt in the same way, that Apollo is truly able to self-reflect and see how much he’s still living in a very self-destructive way.