#not playing that game has become a running gag in my life

[claire-starsword]

Shining Force World Book translation - part 3

Previous part here

Man of hidden fangs

Arthur Class: Knight Species: Centaur Gender: Male Age: 25 years old Height: 228 cm Weight: 192 kg Place of Origin: Asgard Mountain Range Starting Level: 4 Starting Weapon: Bronze Lance

The mysterious foreigner with unfathomable hidden strength

He is originally from another continent. He has shown incredible strength from a young age, and became Knight Captain without real battle experience. When he set out for monster extermination, many of his subordinates died due to his mistakes in command, and he left the country. He meets the protagonist while working on the laundry in Manarina.

While he doesn't show his full power from the start, he hides immeasurable strength.

A slow starter who unleashes his full power in the late game

A unique character who can use magic while being a knight. If you raise him, he learns basic offensive spells. The tradeoff is that his endurance and attack are not reliable. In the beginning he is half baked and might be useless, but if trained he becomes effective for both melee and ranged attacks. His stat growth later on is mindblowing.

_____

A birdman warrior crossing through the skies

Balbaroy Class: Birdmen Species: Birdmen Gender: Male Age: 32 years old Height: 183 cm Weight: 105 kg Place of Origin: The forests of Chronos Mountain Starting Level: 5 Starting Weapon: Middle Sword

A man from the guardian tribe of the skies, attacked by Runefaust!

A birdman with an outstanding sense for battling. Pushing to the limit the skills of his flying race, he fights with superior power.

He is a victim of the Runefaust army, having sustained injuries from their assault. Turned into stone, he was rescued by the force. He's a typical fighter who doesn't talk much and is relentless in combat. Holds a great hatred of Darksol.

A support fighter with great movement!

He excels in defense and agility due to being from a flying race. His stat growth is the kind where everything goes up at once, so he's immediately ready to be used in battle. His endurance and attack are not great, so he can't fight in the front lines.

As a character who can equip most of the swords the protagonist also uses, use him to cover the other attackers.

She casts away her life for the sake of those she loves

Amon Class: Birdwomen Species: Birdwomen Gender: Female Age: 28 years old Height: 186 cm Weight: 83 kg Place of Origin: The forests of Chronos Mountain Starting Level: 5 Starting Weapon: Middle Sword

A strong and kind birdwoman who protects Balbaroy with devotion!

Another birdwoman from the same flying race as Balbaroy, she's his wife. As a woman of few words who speaks just the necessary, she's much like him. She selflessly fights for his sake. She's a nimble expert fighter.

She set out to find Balbaroy when he was missing, and upon learning of the danger he was in, sought the force for help in saving him.

You'll be in trouble if you look down on her for being a woman!

Her agility and defense are as good as her husband's. However she surpasses him, having both nimbleness and attack power. If you're careful with her health, she can create openings in the battle with her movement. When it comes to growth speed, her HP grows steadily as well, so she can become a reliable member to stay on the team for a long time.

_____

A headstrong archer lady!

Diane Class: Archer Species: Elf Gender: Female Age: 115 years old Height: 185 cm Weight: 57 kg Place of Origin: Bustoke Starting Level: 6 Starting Weapon: Steel Arrow

She hates losing, and is refreshingly frank!

She is intense and hates crooked things! An energetic woman who grew wild and free in the mountain's forests. Given her fierce temperament, she put all of herself into training her skills with the bow, which are very respectable. In particular, Bustoke has no military force, so she became a valuable fighting power for them.

Feeling indebted after the men of her country were rescued, she joined the Shining Force.

Depending on your strategy, she can be an immediate asset or a waste

An archer whose attack, defense, agility and movement are all average. Wielding only a bow, she's better at long distance attacks than close combat. She should attack from behind a character who's good at melee. Compared to the fellow archer Hans, only her defense is a little better, she doesn't surpass him in anything else.

If you protect her from the enemy's attacks, she can be a main fighting power.

His body is that of a beast, but his heart is bigger than anyone else's!

Zylo Class: Wolf Species: Wolfling Gender: Male Age: 47 years old Height: 212 cm Weight: 107 kg Place of Origin: Bustoke Starting Level: 9 Starting Weapon: None

The straightforward type who takes everything seriously

A proud wolfling leader who would protect his people even at the cost of his own life. King of the mountain people, he's respected as a spirit of the forest. An atypical king, he is in the frontlines at the first sign of battle, and fights with all his might. A typical fighter.

He has a charm that draws others to him, and is adored by his people.

You can count on him for power! A battle expert

As a wolfling carrying the blood of experienced beasts, his attack is outstanding. His other stats are not bad either, making him a powerful warrior.

Like Balbaroy, he gets sudden increases on level up. His HP is low, so he'll be done for if rushing recklessly at the enemies. Have him advance alongside his allies.

____

The great old man who conquered the skies

Kokichi Class: Wing Knight Species: Human Gender: Male Age: 65 years old Height: 154 cm Weight: 45 kg Place of Origin: Bustoke Starting Level: 7 Starting Weapon: Bronze Lance

Currently an inventor, but used to be an exemplar knight!

A hardworking inventor who wished with all his heart to be able to fly, and finally made that wish come true after 50 years. The people nearby regard him as a weird old man, but he's actually nice. Before building his flying machine, he worked as a knight for a kingdom. Because of that, he's skilled with a sword. That skill has been fading with age, but he can compensate on his moves by piloting well his flying machine.

[Note: I assume he was a knight somewhere other than Bustoke since Diane's entry says they don't have much of an army there, but the text is vague enough that it could be.]

Those who continue to chase their dreams don't lose their vitality

He's average all around. Defense is a low point, and might be the deciding factor in sending him to battle or not. He's weak due to being human, and pretty old, so it's hard to use him immediately.

His HP growth is a slow curve. However contrary to what you'd expect of his age, his other stats grow quite fast.

[iniquitousyearning]

MATTHEO RIDDLE- Beg For Me

Chapter Three- Info: You and Mattheo have been butting heads for months, since you were assigned as his tutor, and one day during a session full of tense bickering, he has enough.

(This will essentially be a toxic book where we are Thèos fucktoy. No love here, very minimal fluff.)

Tags: 18+, PURE SMUT, Sub!Reader, Dom!Mattheo, Oral Sex (M Rec), Throat Fucking, Toxic Behaviour, Blackmail, Praise Kink, Degradation Kink, Humiliation, Manipulation, Gagging, Spitting, DubCon, CNC.

**here’s: one, two, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen & twenty.

As you approached the door of the familiar private classroom, a subtle sense of unease gnawed at the edges of your confidence.

Admittedly you got lost in the depths of your homework after dinner, becoming absorbed in the swirls of ink on your parchment, diligently crafting your Astronomy essay due in a mere three weeks from now. The minutes seemingly slipped away, and you realized you were running late for today's tutoring session, the devastating consequence of your intense focus on your academic obligations.

However, considering Mattheo's habitual tardiness--one of which he has mastered as well as any given art form--you assumed your delay wouldn't be at all consequential, and would most likely even go unnoticed. So without really thinking twice about it, you gently pushed open the door, expecting the room to be empty, the usual silence welcoming you as you stepped inside.

But then, to your astonishment, the room was not vacant. There he was, Mattheo Riddle, perched on the chair with an air of casual authority. His long legs were stretched out before him, feet confidently resting on the desk's edge, displaying a newfound confidence that sent a shiver down your spine. His arms were folded, his posture exuding an almost predatory assurance. His eyes, dark as the night and twice as intense, followed your every move as you stepped inside. The atmosphere crackled with tension, the weight of his gaze pressing upon you.

You closed the door with a deliberate slowness, the soft click echoing through the room like a gunshot in the silence, and his eyes locked onto yours, silently challenging you.

"Well, well, look who finally decided to show up." He taunted, his voice laced with a poisonous charm. The room seemed to shrink in the wake of his suffocating arrogance. "Guess Ravenclaws little good girl isn't so perfect after all...who would have guessed."

You rolled your eyes, a flush of embarrassment staining your cheeks as you awkwardly dropped your gaze to the floor. The weight of being late for the first time in your life was almost palpable, but you made an effort to play it off, attempting to regain your composure despite the lingering discomfort.

"Save the mind games for someone who's willing to play, Riddle," you said, slowly making your way toward him. "You have no right to talk, you're late every single week."

"Yeah but I'm not the one who turns into a sobbing mess over a less-than-perfect grade," Mattheo sneered, his tone dripping with disdain. "I don't have mental breakdowns just because I'm not the class's golden child in everything, and I'm definitely not the one who's about to graduate in merely a few months while still a fucking virgin-"

Your jaw dropped in astonishment at his audacity, a surge of indignation propelling you to slam your bag down on the desk in front of him. The force of your action knocked his feet off the desk, abruptly interrupting whatever sentence he had intended to finish, leaving him silenced in disbelief.

"At least I'm going to fucking graduate without needing someone to hold my hand like a child." You hissed, the words slipping past your teeth before you even had a chance to process them. "For someone who needs me so much, you sure don't act like you appreciate my help."

Mattheo's eyes darkened, a storm of arrogance and anger swirling in their depths, transforming his usual stoic demeanor into a deep scowl etched across his face. He rose from his seat, his tall frame looming over you, casting a shadow that seemed to stretch across the room.

"You think I need you, Raven?" He purred, wetting his lips. "You really think that?"

You steeled your jaw, strengthening your stance, ignoring the fact that your fingers were trembling like leaves in the autumn wind.

"Where would you be without me, Riddle?" You whispered, kinking your neck back to catch his dark, hungry eyes. "How many tutors did you have before me? How many other students tried to help you but couldn't stand your arrogant, no-fucks-given attitude, hm?"

Your words draped the air with a palpable gravity, silencing Mattheo completely--an unprecedented reaction, given his usual quick retorts. The revelation ignited a fierce ember within you, fueling your resolve and lending a sharp edge to your words, as if each syllable carried the weight of your determination.

"That's what I thought..." your voice was low, reverberating as a mere whisper in the air, something flickering behind Mattheo's eyes that made your lips curl into a devilish smirk. "You know that without me, you'd be here forever...maybe you've managed to manipulate me into being your little toy, but that doesn't change the truth about this whole thing...you need me, Riddle, you fucking need me..."

Mattheo blinked, the ensuing silence lingering for what felt like a painful fucking eternity--time seemed to come to a standstill, everything around you fading into insignificance, leaving just you and the cunning, arrogant boy with tousled hair in your presence.

When he finally spoke, You couldn't shake the sinking feeling in your stomach, understanding all too well that his words were laced with an arrogant twist, a prelude to something manipulative and cunning yet to unfold.

"You're right," he finally said, stepping closer. "I do need you,"

His voice dipped into a low, sinister register, and the corners of his lips curled into a sadistic smile, sending a chill down your spine.

"I need you to watch your fucking mouth," the touch of his fingers on your arm nearly made you jump, his hand grazing up and over your shoulder. "I need you on your knees begging for my forgiveness," the pads of his fingers grazed your collarbone, and before you could even comprehend it, his large hand clasped around your throat, the other finding the small of your back as he pushed you up against the desk. "And then, I need you swallowing my fucking cum like the good little whore I know you are."

Without wasting a single second of time his plush lips attacked yours, his tongue delving past your teeth with a passionate urgency. You were painfully aware of Mattheo's manipulative tactics, understanding that he was using your vulnerability to his advantage, and the rational part of your mind screamed warnings at you, reminding you of the toxicity in his actions.

Yet, beneath the surface; as his hands roamed your curves, his tongue explored your mouth; an unsettling, exhilarating feeling lingered, a strange sort of affection for the very dominance that should have repelled you.

The awareness of his exploitation only intensified the rush, a twisted form of affection blossoming amidst the wrongness of it all. It was as if the knowledge of being used had become entangled with your desires, forming a paradoxical bond that you couldn't sever. In the midst of the moral turmoil, a dark, irresistible thrill coursed through your veins, leaving you helplessly drawn to the very thing you should have despised.

"You've been a very naughty girl, Raven..." his lips fell to your jawline, hands groping your curves, bunching the fabric of your uniform within his battered fists. "You've been swearing far too much...you were late...and now you want to act like you have power over me?" When he sunk his teeth into your earlobe, you yelped, flinching as he tightened his grip on your hips. "Don't get it twisted, princess...I hold the fucking power here...look at what I do to you..."

Your entire body was tingling, your fingers latching onto the fabric of his white button up dress shirt for dear fucking life.

"Mattheo-"

His lips fell lower, rough hands gripping your hips and shoving your ass back onto the desk behind you, parting your legs on either side of his strong body as he pulled you against him.

"This is what I do to good girls like you...I turn them into naughty little whores..." he purred, licking a flat line up the side of your throat, your lids involuntary fluttering shut at the breathtaking sensation. "...naughty little whores who take my cock and swallow my fucking cum."

His hands slid up your sides, taking the fabric of your skirt along with them, and you gasped as you felt it hike dangerously high up your thighs, trembling fingers tugging it back down to keep yourself covered.

Mattheo huffed, releasing the fabric. "You're not used to being bad though, are you, princess?"

His teeth sank into your collarbone, creating a tantalizing blend of pleasure and pain that sent shivers down your spine. Strands of his tousled hair caressed your cheek, the faintest whisper of a touch sending tingles across your skin. Your lips parted involuntarily, releasing a soft whimper, while Mattheo's response echoed in a deep, guttural groan that reverberated through the air, intensifying the charged atmosphere between you.

One hand gripped your jaw as he pulled back, meeting your eyes. "Answer me when I ask you a question."

Your breath hitched, flames roaring in your veins. "No, Mattheo...I'm not..."

"Mm," he purred, wetting his lips as he stared. "Do you know what happens to bad girls, Raven?"

Your stomach twisted as he tugged you closer by the hold on your jaw, his eyes darkening with desire as they darted across your face, seemingly examining your features as though they were precarious and new.

Your voice trembled. "No..."

"They get fucking punished."

Before you could respond, Mattheo shifted his hand, shoving two rough fingers between your teeth, reaching for the back of your throat and forcing a gag. Your eyes watered, beads of salty fluid threatening to spill down your cheeks, but he was unyielding, gripping the back of your neck with his other hand to force himself further down your throat--holding you in place while he did.

Your entire body was in flames, your thighs begging, fucking screaming in a need so disgustingly dirty you'd never experienced anything remotely close to it before.

Mattheo groaned, low in his chest, his dark eyes watching every single ministration of your face as you gagged on his fingers. The hand behind your head relented as he brought it to his crotch, palming the insistent bulge in his trousers as he watched you; seemingly not having blinked once.

"Unbutton your shirt," his voice was a hoarse whisper, laced with primal desire. He pushed his fingers deeper, clearing his throat. "Seal those filthy lips around my fingers, and unbutton your fucking shirt, princess..."

You cursed the fact that his body was separating your legs because all you wanted, more than anything on the face of the planet, was to squeeze your fucking thighs together--to give your cunt any sort of friction possible. Every word from his lips was doing inexplicable things to your body, and the need between your thighs was growing so insistent it was almost painful.

Following his commands, you sealed your lips around his fingers, swirling your tongue and bobbing your head painfully slowly as you teased him, trembling fingers moving to the buttons on your blouse and undoing them one by one until your chest was entirely exposed to him--your lungs stalled, pussy clenching as you watched his eyes darken with desire while they scanned your chest covered only by your navy laced bra, the hand on his crotch moving more insistently now.

"My fucking God, Raven," he breathed, jaw tensing so tight it looked painful. "I can't believe you've been keeping all of that hidden this whole time..."

You mewled involuntarily as he grazed your chest with his free hand, pushing his fingers deeper down your throat with enough intensity to make you cough as his demeanour switched and he palmed your breast with enough force to illicit an exasperated groan. He was possessed now, something swarming his pupils that made your entire body convulse with unfamiliar and unabashed need; you were almost certain there'd be a pool of your desire on the desk between your thighs at this point.

Without warning, he abruptly removed his hands from you. Your lips, parted in anticipation of a breath, yearned for air before his mouth enveloped yours once more. In a frenzy, his hands hurriedly reached for his belt, driven by an almost desperate urgency as you both inhaled sharply through your nostrils. Your lips meshed together in a way that seemed to consume each other, as if you could breathe in one another during the kiss.

Once he'd successfully freed himself, he pulled back, shoving his fingers back into your mouth and yanking you off the desk, his throbbing length pressing against your belly as he shoved himself against you; fingers forcing another gag from your chest, watching you with a primal fervour in his eyes so intense it was intoxicating.

Pulling his fingers from your mouth again, he cupped his hand out in front of you. "Spit."

Your brows furrowed in confusion, your brain buffering in attempt to process his words until his free hand shot into your hair, tilting your head until your lips were parallel to his palm.

"Spit, Raven," he repeated. "Spit into my fucking hand."

Your stomach contorted with a mix of disbelief and unfamiliar desire, your entire being thrown off balance. Each word that fell from his lips felt like a jolt, causing your heart to stutter in your chest. His eyes bored into you, searing your skin into flames, and without another moment's hesitation, you gathered the saliva he had coerced from you and spat it into his hand.

"Mm, that's it...good little whore..." He purred, bringing it down to his cock, rubbing it into his shaft as he stroked himself, eyes never once leaving yours. "Now, get on your knees for me, pretty girl."

Your breath caught in your throat. He, of all people, had just called you "pretty," and you were certain your ears were playing some sort of trick on you. It was a compliment you never expected from him, someone you had never imagined would see you in such a way. Pulling your lip between your teeth, you did as he said, squeezing your thighs together as you situated yourself in front of his feet.

Mattheo's hand remained in your hair, firmly gripping a fistful as he stroked himself. "Hands behind your back, Raven..." he muttered. "Let me see those delicious fucking tits of yours."

Your entire body shuddered, immediately clasping your hands together behind you without a second thought.

"That's it...fuck-" he was stroking himself faster, the veins in his hands tensing with every movement. You weren't sure who was enjoying this more, him or you. "You want this, princess? You want this cock in your dirty little mouth?"

Your throat was drier than the desert, each swallow a struggle against the arid emptiness within. Fingernails dug into your own flesh with a fierce intensity, the pressure threatening to break through the skin, mirroring the internal turmoil that gripped you. Holy fucking shit.

"Yes..." your voice was a pathetic whisper.

"Don't be so modest, Raven," he sneered, slowing his pace, twisting his wrist as he stroked his shaft, eyes never once leaving yours. "Beg for it."

Your stomach was in your throat. You'd never done anything like that before, you weren’t even really sure how. "I...um-please, Mattheo..."

His eyes fluttered shut for the briefest moment, a flicker of amusement dancing across his features before he locked eyes with you once more, his arrogance wrapping around the room like a suffocating cloak.

"Bloody hell, I said beg for it...does the prissy little princess not know how to fucking beg?" his voice was a hoarse growl, his vocal cords strained with lust. "Tell me how bad you want my cock, Raven, tell me how much you need it."

You couldn't believe your ears; the turn of events in your life felt utterly surreal. Never in your entire existence could you have imagined that this is where you'd find yourself right now--merely a few months away from graduation, on your knees for the most suffocatingly arrogant delinquent in the school who was making you beg to suck his fucking dick. A man who only last year wouldn't have paid you an ounce of mind, who probably didn’t even know you existed.

Your cheeks burned, but you fought through it, the arousal in your lungs fuelling your words. "Please, Mattheo...I want your cock so bad, I want you in my mouth, I want to choke on it, I want you to fuck my throat until you cum-"

His grip on your hair tightened, simultaneous with the grip on his cock as he cranked your head back, leaning down to meet your eyes; his lips hovering mere inches above yours.

"My God, you're a dirty fucking slut, aren't you?" He purred, smirking so wide it reached his eyes, his fingers bruising your scalp. "A dirty fucking slut whose sole purpose is to let me use her mouth whenever I want, yeah?"

You swallowed, wincing as he jerked your head back further, fucking into his fist faster, harder. "Yes, Mattheo..."

He sneered, clearly loving every fucking minute of this. "Imagine if anyone saw you like this...fuck-you're fucking filthy..." his voice was breathless, if you didn't know any better you'd think he was about to make himself cum before you had the chance to suck him off. "Apologize for being such a nasty little slut and I'll let you swallow my cum."

Your thighs clenched in need, your wetness seeping through your panties at this point. Gods, you wanted him so fucking bad you thought you were going to die.

"I'm sorry," you pleaded, eyes wide as you peered up at him, nearly-speechless. "I'm sorry for being a nasty little slut."

"That's right..." he purred, directing the head of his cock toward your mouth, groaning as your pressed your lips to it. "Good girl...fuck-so good for me..."

Your entire body was in flame, hands still clasped together behind your back as both of his thrust tightly through your hair, absentmindedly sealing your lips around his shaft, revelling in his skin's heat, dragging your tongue along the throbbing, pulsing underside. Riddle growled, bucking his hips, and you took him further into your mouth, gagging as his tip slammed the back of your throat.

"You take me so well, Raven..." he breathed, head falling back on his shoulders, eyes fluttering shut as his hands urged your head along his length. "Can't believe a mouth that annoying can feel this fucking good."

You groaned in assent, sucking hard at his cock as he slowly started to fuck your throat. You were both struggling to breathe, both losing control, both lost in an ocean of primal, urgent carnality. Pleasure was straining your seams, ready to explode inside of you, drool dribbling in globs from your chin, tears pricking the corners of your eyes as you tried to hold the boundaries of your sanity together.

"Mm, fuck..." Riddle's grip was crushing your skull. "I changed my mind…I'm gonna' cum on those perfect tits, princess..."

Your bones almost liquefied at this--but you steadied your knees, gagging as he started fucking into your throat faster, thrusting deep, your eyes disappearing into the back of your head as you allowed him to use your mouth as a helpless hole for him to fuck--singlehandedly loving every fucking second of it.

"Shit-" he groaned, eyes squeezed shut. "Fuck."

Your thighs clenched, brain fogged by a hurricane of lust, but when he pulled out, abruptly, your cognition returned--your vision clearing to an image of Riddle, red-faced, fucking his fist. Snarling, he jerked your hair, and choked on his moan, the sound stuttering while he shot the hot loads of his cum onto your chest and neck. He sucked down air in long, heavy breaths, waiting until the end of his release had dissipated, and then dropped you, stepping back to marvel at his masterpiece. You swore steam was wafting off your skin.

"Beautiful," he murmured. He pieced himself back together, buckling his belt. "Tell me how I taste."

Every inch of you tingled, chest heaving, jaw slack in an open pant. Keeping his stare, you brought a trembling hand to your chest, swiping his sticky cum off your tits and trailing it past your lips, slowly sucking it off your first two fingers. The taste melding with the mere prospect of what was happening elicited a low moan from your chest, and you shuddered, trapped in his gaze until you were finished.

"Salty." You teased, smirking up at him.

"Salty, huh?” He huffed, a devious grin on his face as he helped you up to your feet, rough palm grasping your forearm. "Important mineral for a balanced meal, yeah?"

You chuckled, heat swarming your skin as you stammered up to your feet, meeting his darkened eyes as you began buttoning up your shirt, taking in his newly flushed features--curly brown hair slightly sticking to his forehead before he ran a battered hand through it, brushing it back.

“Smartass,” you grumbled, turning toward the desk. “Next week we have an exam, so there won’t be a tutor session, you know that right?”

He released a breath, throwing himself into the usual creaky wooden chair beside yours. “Guess that just means you’ll have to do that again before the nights’ over,” he said. “You know, to compensate for next week.”

You rolled your eyes, failing to hide your smirk. “In your dreams, Riddle.”

“Oh, definitely not, princess.” He breathed, glimpsing you briefly. “In my dreams you do a hell of a lot more than that.”

——————

Chapter four->

[melondecarabia]

uhh uhh uhh Ren fluff where uhh uhh uhh reader plays Stardew valley with him or something idk

˙⟡ ren and the full immersion fishing simulator experience 

ren shiranami x reader 

crack, fluff 

mdni! 

authors note: this has nothing to do with stardew valley, but there's some gaming? don't question my vision (thank you for requesting)

tw: fainting, gagging, talking about death, violence on frostheim student npc (deserved)

"Ren? Reeeeen? Even Peekaboo is super worried! Won't you pleaaaaase come out to at least have dinner?" He can hear that clown just on the other side. You know what? He should stop calling Haru a clown, because that's an insult to the industry. Damn, another perch. The water is freezing, but it adds to the authenticity of the experience. 

Here's the current setting: Ren, dressed in wading overalls and a bucket hat. The bathtub, filled with enough water to reach mid calf from where he's sitting on a metallic step stool, and a chair to keep the old laptop at elbow level. Yes, he's in the bathtub. Yes, the only light inside comes from the small bathroom window, and the computer screen. Yes, this is an electric hazard. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and Superior Fishing Simulator: Remastered is the only thing between Ren and a long walk off a short ledge. 

"Reeeeeeeennnnnn!" The only distraction is Haru. But Ren is a man of sheer will, and won't crack under any amount of pressure. "REN!" Why does the dorm captain act like his mom? He already has like a million animals to bother. Stupid discount milf. 

˙⟡

"—-? — —- !" "No, Towa, please don't. I can't afford a new wall, like ever." That boy has been in self-imposed isolation ever since he came back from the old Clementia dorm yesterday evening… And Haru might know why. Bahnti may not work on his braincells, but he's pretty sure they're up to standard. Probably. "Towa. We need to intervene." He seems displeased. 

˙⟡

Towa knows you can do better. "Think about the romance! She could fix him!" Hmmm….. That's a possibility. On one hand, maybe you could straighten that good-for-nothing bastard up. On the other hand, literally anyone else has more emotional intelligence than the seaweed-head loser. "Pleeeaseeeee?" Oh, fine. Towa can just electrocute him if he doesn't act right. 

˙⟡

There he is. Some passing Hotarubi students are giving him weird looks, but Haru's locked in. From this vantage point, which happens to be one of the trees lining the walkway to the school building, he can see Ren whipping his head around, probably to make sure you're not closeby. But oh, he's not prepared for this! 

˙⟡

Like a deranged eagle to a deaf rabbit, Haru descends upon Ren just as he's about to pass by. "Ren! What a coincidence meeting you here! There's something we need to talk about." The taller man is about to escape, but a firm hand prevents that. Time to take advantage of the element of surprise! "About the honor student…" 

"NO!" Oh god, now everyone's staring… this is the worst… "But-" "No, no and no! You're not getting involved! You complain about needing help, but you clearly have too much free time! Get a life!" Ren has seen Haru's many expressions. Joy, mischief, devastation after a look at his bank account. This is the first time he's seen disappointment. It actually manages to shut him up. 

˙⟡

"Ren. I know it's scary talking to girls, but she won't bite." He actually can't promise that, as evidenced by last week when a Frostheim student almost got a surprise amputation. Something to do with Yuri? Whatever. Haru's like, 87.6% percent sure Ren will stay intact after talking to you. 

˙⟡

"It's nothing. I've got this under control. Do NOT get involved." Ren has already googled temples to become a monk in. If you find out he has a- gag reflex- can't even say it. No. Absolutely not. He won't say it. What if it becomes a tulpa if he says it? "Oh, honor student!" Scoff. "I'm not falling for that-" "Hi Ren! Hi Haru! How-" 

˙⟡

You watch on as Ren runs the fastest you've ever seen him move. Haru looks deeply disappointed. "What's going on with him?" A sigh. "Nothing…" And the redhead waddles away like a demoralized penguin. 

˙⟡

Did you fuck everything up? Professor Nicolas is struggling with the projector, giving you free time to wallow in melancholy. Sadly, the spot for the best anime protagonist impression is already taken by someone who seems to be having heartaches too. Sigh. As you're about to restart thinking about every possible bad outcome, the bell interrupts. This sucks. 

The students start to pack up and leave, but you still need to finish imagining that scenario where Ren becomes the chosen one, and leaves Earth to save all of it's residents. Except your heart. 

"If there's any higher power listening, please help me deal with Ren." 

A roll of thunder seems to answer your plead. 

"God?" 

A flash of lightning from clear skies illuminates a silhouette just outside the window. 

"TOWA?" 

˙⟡

You, and the two Jabberwock students are currently squatting under a staircase, like a group of nature-loving mobsters. 

"It's just… We were watching Ponyo, right? And Ren says that kid is stupid for almost dying to save Ponyo, and asks who would be that dumb. And I said, I'd do that for him. I'd give him all the ham he wants. After that? He was quiet. How badly did I fuck up?" Haru is giving a perfect impression of The Thinker, and Towa just looks sorry for you. 

"No way to deny it. He likes you." Oh? "Went to wake him up one day. There's a new poster in his room, one of those gacha games, right? Right. That character," Haru points at you, "Looks suspiciously lot like you." Before you can say anything, Towa shuts your and Haru's mouths with his hands. 

That walking pattern… Ren may act like a skittish deer, but you're a persistence hunter. The three of you exchange a look of agreement. 

˙⟡

He's safe. A sigh of relief. Just a few hours, and he'll get back to his quest of catching a swordfish in Superior Fishing Simulator: Remastered, and prove his iron conviction of not talking about- gag reflex. While gathering his breath, a flash of red appears. What the fuck? He can feel the cold sweat running down his back. Ew. 

But there's no one around. Yeah, Ren's just paranoid. He still takes slow steps. 

"Hi Ren!" He shrieks, louder than anyone knew he could. Haru has jumped from his hiding place behind a pillar to block the hallway. The other way? YOU? How are you running so fucking fast??? What- Why does he hear boss music? 

As last resort, he looks to the window- TOWA? Oh noooo no no no no. 

Haru? He's grinning like a maniac. 

You? Positively deranged looking, heaving like you're about to tear him apart, not unlike a polar bear. 

Towa? Looking into his fucking soul. 

Ren? On the verge of death. He should've become a monk. Fuck. Getting blurry now… 

˙⟡

-eeeennn?" Huh? Did he manage to quit life with sheer will? "Ren?" The voice of an angel. He's pretty sure that he's in heaven. "Ren? You good buddy?" Nevermind. This is hell. The bright light that fills his vision is not from the gates of paradise, but instead hellfire. It's even red! "REN!" 

˙⟡

The mentioned man almost caves in Haru's skull with his own, as he pounces up from the grass. Towa had reluctantly carried Ren like a sack of potatoes from the hallway, instead of dragging him around like a ragdoll. 

˙⟡

"Ren." He doesn't want to look at you. You probably want to talk about- gag reflex. You take the hand that isn't covering his mouth. "I meant it." Huh? "I would feed you ham everyday." Cringe. But- he's the one who bought a poster of a really frustrating to play character, just because she kinda looked like you. He frowns deeply. 

˙⟡

"hrrhngh…" Haru and Towa are 'hidden' behind a tree. Ren's mumbling something unintelligible. "Yeah?" "…hmph." He squeezes your hand back. "Can we leave? Don't wanna be around those" he gestures at the tree, "Right now." He doesn't need to say it. "Mhm. Wanna watch Howl's Moving Castle?" You know he likes you. And when he calms down, you'll tell him you really like him too. For now, there's a ham sandwich in your fridge. 

[cinnbar-bun]

Good Fortune

Pairing: Dio Brando x GN!Reader

Summary: Dio is told he is lucky, often. He can't see how, considering how awful his life has been. But after meeting you, the child of George Joestar's old business partner and Jonathan's friend, perhaps his luck has turned for the better.

Even if he refuses to engage with such notions.

Rating: SFW but it's painful

Word Count: ~4.5k

AO3 Link: Here

Notes: Childhood-friends-to-lovers, Phantom Blood!Dio, babes this just angst, talks of death and dying, death, religious discussion, religious imagery, Dio unfortunately falling in love, Reader is MENA! but it's easy to ignore, foreshadowing for parts 3 and 6 (no spoilers though), yes I made this to be self indulgent because I wanted to torture Dio because omg what if he went to Cairo specifically because his partner mentioned it?

Dio stares in front of the full-length mirror in his room, adjusting his suit and tie. George explained he was having an old friend over tonight for supper, making a brief comment about how said friend was also bringing his child over. Dio noticed Jonathan’s eyes widen and the smile adorning his face- obviously, they were acquainted from before he ever arrived to the mansion. 

He could only sneer as he thought of how obnoxious this ‘friend’ could possibly be. He couldn’t just antagonize them or Jonathan like he normally did, not when George would be around and watching. The thought of having to sit all night with that buffoon and a friend of his made him want to gag. 

Alas, one must do what they have to do to obtain wealth and power. If he wanted the Joestar fortune, he had to play the game correctly. Assuring he was in good standing with George and this guest would only serve him well in the future. 

And who knows, Dio chuckles to himself, maybe this ‘friend’ of Jonathan’s would slowly grow to hate the boy as well. He brushes his blond hair back, fixing it up properly. A loose strand makes him use his hand to push it back, and he smirks as he sees the three little birthmarks on his ear. He fixes his cufflinks and proceeds to walk out of the room, annoyed at having to put on airs, yet interested to see what will become of this dinner. 

The minute he steps down the stairs, there is a knock at the door. Dio curiously looks from the staircase at the large front doors that George himself approaches. The first thing Dio can make out is a large man, around the same age as George- perhaps a few years older if the few strands of gray hair are anything to go off of. Before he can take a closer look, Jonathan races down the stairs, accidentally brushing shoulders with Dio. 

“You damn-,” Dio snarls, but quickly shuts his mouth in case of anyone nearby. Jonathan didn’t seem to notice, instead jumping off the last few steps and running towards the guests. Jonathan yells out a name Dio doesn’t recognize, but the energetic boy is quickly put in his place with George’s hand on his shoulder.

“Jonathan! That is not how we greet our guests!” George scolds his son. Jonathan’s shoulder slink apologetically, like a beaten down puppy. 

Dio despises that look more than anything. He makes an expression of disgust before he hears some chuckling. 

“Oh, it’s alright, George, let the boy be! He’s young!” A jovial voice exclaims, and George sighs. 

“I’m aware, my friend. I just can’t help but worry about what kind of man he will grow up to be,” George muses, tugging on Jonathan’s ears. Dio’s ears pick up that despite the negative words, George isn’t angry at Jonathan. Jonathan himself isn’t too offended either. 

Hmph. Disgusting. 

Dio figures that he’s seen enough and makes his appearance in front of the guests. The man is clearly foreign and has some semitic features that Dio hardly has ever seen in Britain. He’s finely dressed, wearing a fancy English suit and plenty of gold accessories. Dio finds himself fascinated by the many rings on the man’s fingers. 

“My, my, and who could this be?” The man questions, a friendly smile on his face. Dio is frankly grossed out by the overly familiar tone the man takes, but bites his tongue back. 

“This is my adopted son, Dio Brando,” George proudly states. The man extends his hand to Dio and shakes it with a firm grip. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Brando,” he introduces himself then pats his child on their shoulder. “This is (Y/n), my only child. I assume you’re all the same age, so I think you’ll get along splendidly.” 

Dio glances at you briefly as you bow your head politely to him. “It’s very nice to meet you, Dio.” 

You look quite similar to your father, albeit, younger and more rounded, with the same features Dio finds rare on you. Your clothes are just as intricate as your father’s, clearly very expensive, making Dio curious about just how rich you and your father are. 

Dio bows his head back to you. “It’s nice to meet you as well, (Y/n).” 

Once the greetings are done, Jonathan goes up to you and excitedly beams at you. “(Y/n), did you bring anything for me this time?” 

Dio is almost tempted to smack Jonathan on behalf of George, but you chuckle and nod, seemingly not minding. You glance over to make sure the older men are not looking and open your satchel, taking out a red box. Dio and Jonathan peek at it while you remove the cover. Inside the box are small, pink cubes covered in white sugar. 

“Woah… what are these?” Jonathan asks. 

“Lokum, oh, ah, ‘Turkish delights’,” you say in English. Jonathan is about to take one when you close the box and shake your head. Jonathan pouts after being denied, probably due to his love of sweets. “After dinner. Otherwise my father might lecture me.” 

“Turkish delight, you say?” Dio repeats. “So, I assume you and your father must deal within the Middle East, correct?” 

“Yes. He was born there, then moved here to start his business,” you pridefully comment, always happy to share how proud you are of your father’s hard work. 

“Interesting…” Dio thinks. He frowns when he thinks of his own drunkard of a father, and the gross feeling that dwells within him bubbles upfront. How nice it must be to be happy for your father. How wonderful it must feel to be proud to share the same DNA as the man who had created you. He can’t point to a single thing he enjoyed about Dario, can’t even count anything nice the man has done on one hand except die. 

Yet you look to hold your father in such high regard, perhaps even moreso than Jonathan does to George. Likewise, your father keeps smiling at you and flaunting your accomplishments to George, as if you were the best of the best. As if you were the most wonderful thing to have ever graced this earth. 

Dio can’t help but feel disgusted and so, so jealous that you get a father who adores and spoils you like nothing else. You don’t even have a mother, but that doesn’t seem to damper you. Any hope he had of wanting to meet you is squashed by the hatred and rage he feels for your relationship. 

----

You write letters often, Dio finds out. Now Dio knows why Jonathan is always so excited to check the mail. Soon after leaving the dinner party George held, Dio started getting letters addressed just to him from you. 

Apparently, you were too stupid to understand that Dio wanted nothing to do with you and actively despised you like he did Jonathan. Or maybe you just didn’t care, since you began writing about anything and everything you were thinking of as if you were old acquaintances. Dio once snagged Jonathan’s letter from you to see if the tone was any different, but almost nothing was, except for mentions of a historical places Jonathan would like to possibly visit. 

At first, he burned them away, not interested in whatever mindless rabble you had to discuss. He had no interest in history, none in studying, and absolutely none for whatever rich person you had just met on the road. Jonathan writes back plenty, but in order to save face, Dio writes back, only very rarely, pretending as if he actually cared. 

It isn’t until his birthday that he sighs and relents, opening up the package you had sent. He rolls his eyes at the well wishes you give him (although he does wonder briefly how you knew his birthday) but finds two wrapped gifts in the box. 

In the first one, thinner and longer, is a selection of the Turkish delights you had brought over the first time you met. He actually hadn’t bothered trying it then, mostly due to his disgust with you and the fact Jonathan looked like he was enjoying himself when he took a bite. 

He snorts and rolls his eyes, about ready to throw away the sweets when the smell of the powdered sugar and rosewater drifts into his nose. It is… certainly unique, he thinks. Nothing like what he’s ever smelled before. He places the box on his desk again and glares at it, as if the treats were personally ruining his day. He folds his arms and stares at it some more. 

He should throw this out. Never look at this and just write a quick ‘thank you’ so you felt appreciated or something. But still… the powdered sugar dusting the outside, the sweet, sweet smell of it- it was far too tempting. He clicked his tongue and picked one up, groaning at the way the sugar dusted his fingers and part of his suit. 

“Disgusting,” he mumbles before he takes a large bite of it. The taste is nothing like what he’s ever had before, and he nearly chokes at it. He coughs then swallows, taken aback by the taste. It’s… it’s quite delicious. He’s never tried something so wonderfully sweet, something that overtakes the senses quite like this. Roses make an interesting flavor profile, he muses. 

Wait, no, what is he thinking, getting excited over this stupid gift from an annoyance like you? He closes the box of sweets then opens the last box. Inside is a ring, similar to the one your father wore at the dinner party. The ring had a large amber stone, and Dio twirls it in his hands, fascinated with how the light catches the stone. 

This must have cost a fortune. He chuckles as he picks up the note to go alongside the ring. 

My father and I thought a ring would be a good gift for you. He says that it’s always wise to have something nice on your hand. It can bring you good luck and make you stand out. I hope you like the color- he was going to get you the blue one, but this one reminded me of your eyes. I thought you might appreciate it more. 

Happy birthday, Dio. 

You sign your name at the bottom and Dio finds himself biting his lip harshly. It’s really frustrating how you always naively try to think of him like this. Who said he wanted your damn sweets? Who said he wanted your rings? Or your good luck? Who said he wanted anything you had? 

He shakes his head and gazes at the ring again. He hates himself, so why would you dare get something that is meant to be of him? This body that he despises, how could you covet it in a god damn ring meant for him? 

You bother and enrage him like nothing else. He always thought this was because of your friendship with Jonathan, but this just cemented that the hate he felt for you was entirely just because of who you were. Whereas Jonathan was an obstacle he needed to rid of for the Joestar inheritance, you were someone who actively treated him like a damn charity case. 

You must have thought you were so clever and kind gifting these things to him, weren’t you? 

Fine. If you wanted to be a useful idiot for him, then he would make sure to get the most use out of you. The violent rage he had boiled over into interest and excitement. He grabbed his paper and pen, quickly writing a letter back to you. 

This time, however, he made sure to be more expressive than he normally would have. He laughed loudly as he signed the paper in a hurry and sealed it within an envelope. This could be quite enjoyable. 

Imagine him- getting rid of Jonathan and using you for his own gain! Not just one- but two means of success and fortune! Oh, you were a delightful idiot through and through, he thought as he threw aside the lid to the dessert and popped in another cube. 

----

The years were kind to Dio. Ever since his plan to use you came to fruition, he slowly refined it to working his way up to being able to ask for your hand in marriage. He spent years cleaning up his act, faking his way to the top, even joining the rugby team and a university to study law. He was practically the perfect man- attractive, intelligent, resourceful, strong- why, anyone would be lucky to have him as a son-in-law and husband. 

The interest he deemed to show you in his teens made you reciprocate his affections. You began writing longer letters for him than you did to Jonathan. You would stop by and visit, not even for Jonathan, but just for Dio now. You two would have long discussions in the gardens, on the road, and in the library of the Joestar mansion. Your father practically adored Dio as a son, always patting his shoulder and joking with him more casually. He was an admirable prize, one that was practically handing himself on a silver platter for you. 

Except, somewhere along the line, like a damn fool, Dio made a mistake in his normally thorough plans. Somewhere, somehow- you managed to make Dio enjoy your presence. This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

When he first started trying to get your attention, he often would do so at the expense of Jonathan. He just liked pissing his brother off while he would drag you away as if he had something urgent to say to you privately. He would aggrandize and embellish his stories, making himself seem far more noble and special than Jonathan was. Of course, Jonathan, ignorant as may be at times, wasn’t stupid. He knew right away Dio was up to no good and tried to warn you, subtly take you away, or even insert himself into the times when Dio pulled you aside. 

Nothing worked, however. You either didn’t notice or didn’t care, always brushing aside the warnings and believing in Dio wholeheartedly. It was cute- misguided, frankly- but cute, nonetheless. Especially after Dio did his best to mend his relationship with Jonathan, Jonathan found he had no leg to stand on and tried to leave the past behind him, wishing you two only the best. 

Good, thought Dio. He was tired of having to play nice with his Jonathan, and now that Jonathan had no chance of stealing you away from him, Dio could enact his plan still. And that’s what it should have stayed. 

But fate was far more strange than Dio realized. One day, he would find himself listening to you more. While before, it was just to keep track of your stories to use later, it now became an interesting part of his day. Another day, he would naturally seek out your hand to hold- not as a means to make you swoon and desire him, but just for his own comfort. And on another, god, he couldn’t believe this- he found himself imagining what a ‘home’ could be like for you and him. 

You somehow managed to imprint yourself in his brain, filling his head with stupid, ridiculous, and childish thoughts. He found the hushed whispers he spoke in your ear to become less and less false as time went on. He found the way your cheeks would warm up made him grin and not smirk. He found your voice pleasant and the words you’d say become clearer. He found his body recoiling when any other man, especially Jonathan, tried to talk to you. 

You ruined him. You ruined everything. How dare you? He could afford plenty of things now, yet he continued to wear that damn amber ring on his finger. You adored his eyes, and for once, he found himself almost agreeing whenever he looked in the mirror before he would take you on a date. 

You. Damn. Worm. 

You must be the devil. You must be some evil snake charming him and destroying him inside and out. He couldn’t accept the fact that he, Dio Brando, was actually enjoying your presence in his life. 

You spoke of the trips you took with your father for business. You loved almost all your destinations, bringing back souvenirs and charming photos for him. But one city always stood out to him. 

Cairo. 

“Oh, yes, the city is wonderful there,” you mused dreamily. “There are these beautiful pyramids-” 

You point at the photos of these pyramids and he’s become interested in these monumental landmarks. Jonathan made a mention of them once, he thinks. 

“And what are these pyramids for, exactly? Why would someone just build these with stone in the middle of a desert of all places?” Dio raises a brow. Although he’s impressed, he finds himself questioning the worth of these structures. You chuckle, a sound he’s grown to enjoy. 

“The ancient Egyptians lived here, Dio. They built these pyramids and all sorts of buildings for their final resting place,” you smile. 

“Tch, how pretentious,” he teases. “You sound far too happy talking about a place of death.” 

“Perhaps, but you know, death isn’t so bad.” Now this makes him pause. 

“And what do you mean by that?” Dio questions. You shrug. 

“Well, for them, they believed that when you died, your heart would be judged and you could go to the Field of Reeds, Aaru.” 

“Similar to western dogma,” Dio mumbles. He never had such faith in things like ‘God’ or a ‘heaven’. 

If God really existed, he would have helped Dio’s mother. He would’ve made Dario a better father. Would have made Dio feel safe. 

But there is no such thing, no such tangible way to prove that God did exist. And it seems these ancient humans were just as foolish as the people of today. They would continue to believe in something that did not exist and did not love them. 

“Yes, you could say that,” you nod. “But I think the idea is nice overall. Don’t you think?” “I don’t understand what could be considered ‘nice’ about it,” he frowns. 

“I like to think of it as a second chance. Another way to live, having gone through the struggles of your first life. You’d know more and appreciate more.” 

You don’t notice the way his face tenses as he grits his teeth. Even if there was a god, in no way shape or form was Dio ever going to be in ‘heaven’. He could push that aside right away. He was the son of Dario, and that certainly already meant he was sentenced to eternal damnation. 

“I see,” is all he says. You snap your fingers as you then show a picture of a gorgeous terracotta mansion. 

“I almost forgot to show you! We got to stay in this beautiful place. Oh, it was just wonderful inside. I think you’d love it. There was a lovely garden there, too. I wish I could take you there, I’d show you everything Cairo has to offer! And you could finally taste the dates when they’re ripe and the festivals that go on there!” 

“I would love nothing more,” he replies, suddenly thinking of how hot Cairo must feel. He wondered how you would smile if the festivals were going on. How lovely the night must be with you in it under the lamps and palm trees of Egypt. “Maybe we can go for our honeymoon?” You lightly smack his shoulders and laugh. “Don’t tease me like that! Otherwise I might make you propose tomorrow!” 

“I could have that arranged,” Dio leans forward, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Let’s focus on our studies first,” you chuckle. “I really would love to marry, but alas, our fathers have decided to make us wait longer.” 

“Alas,” he joins in, the thought of finally being yours and you being his making his heart swell. 

Only you could offer Dio this momentary salvation. This brief respite of peace despite the anger and hatred he held in his heart. This was a feeling only reserved for you, the you who practically forced your presence and love onto him. 

It almost didn’t even feel like a part of his plan to gain the two fortunes, even though he would force himself to remember this was just business. Ah, but you made it so easy to enjoy life. You made him forget for a moment he was not the son of Dario Brando. You could made him forget he was a maniacal bastard orphan, instead making him feel he was Dio. A new Dio, a Dio no one could have thought ever existed, even him. A Dio that was just a man, for once. 

He would become Dio, the man who would pick you fresh roses. Dio, the man who carried you over puddles on the street. Dio, who enjoyed drinking tea with you. Dio, who loved when you slipped into your mother tongue. Dio, who held you when you cried. Dio, the man who would get curious whenever you would remark joyfully about his birth marks, saying he must have been lucky. 

The only thing “lucky” about him was you. That’s all he could genuinely point out in his life as “lucky” and “good”. 

So slowly, and foolishly, the only thing he could do was simply let you in deeper into his heart, letting you carve your initials into him and marking him as your helpless servant. 

----

It had now been two months since your passing. Dio returned to the mansion in a drunken stupor, finding he was unfortunately still aware. 

Aware of how empty he was. How angry he was. How much he despised everything. 

Why the hell was Jonathan crying over you? Jonathan knew nothing about you. Jonathan didn’t love you or care for you anywhere close that Dio did. 

That rich boy who had everything handed to him and given to him just for existing knew nothing of the pain Dio was feeling. 

He didn’t deserve to cry over you. Didn’t deserve to feel a god damn thing about you. 

Dio was the one supposed to marry you- not him! So Jonathan should have left and let him grieve properly over the fact his betrothed was now gone. 

Was this God’s way of punishing him? Huh? Was this his sick joke? A reminder to him that no matter he did, he was never meant to be happy? 

Was that all his life was? One meaningless, empty joke for God to amuse himself with? 

Dio couldn’t help but burn every letter he had kept from you over the years. He didn’t need them. With a bottle of alcohol in his hand and a few letters in the other, he held them over the fireplace and let them burn to ash and dust. He didn’t care. Couldn’t care less. 

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing could ever bring him satisfaction. Nothing could ever bring him joy or peace. He was obviously not meant to have it. 

Even your own father tried to console Dio, having thought of him like a son, but Dio couldn’t bother. Your father promised to give employment and a portion his fortune to Dio still, already securing his future wealth. 

But that wasn’t enough. It was not enough. For every ounce of love you tried to give Dio, he felt a thousand times more angry at the world he lived in. 

He didn’t need this world. He didn’t want any of this. He couldn’t live like this. 

He couldn’t die like you- oh god, no, he couldn’t. He’d most certainly be punished and made to repent for his sins. 

As he burned the last of your letters, he downed the rest of the alcohol, burning his throat. He could not muster anymore tears, not after he laid the roses down on your tombstone. Dio Brando was dead and buried alongside you. 

All that was left of him was his hatred. 

So close to having everything he wanted, and now it was all gone. 

He was so close to even giving up his earlier desires to torture Jonathan, instead content to protect your father’s business and travel with you after he finished getting his degree. But now he had nothing to hope for. 

Drunk as he may have been, he found himself thinking like he did when he was a young boy. 

Yes… I’ll just kill them all. I’ll ruin them all. I should’ve stuck with that plan originally. 

He cursed himself between hiccups, cursing himself for daring to let you in, letting himself feel safe around you, letting himself be vulnerable and able to be torn to shreds by you. 

It was his fault. His fault for all of this. If he hadn’t acted a fool and loved you, he could’ve had Jonathan gone, perhaps disowned or dying in a ditch somewhere. He could’ve been the richest, prodigal son of Britain. He would’ve been powerful then. He wouldn’t have had to have you extinguish every ounce of life within him. 

He was no longer human. He was now Dio. Only Dio. 

Dio, who hated everything. Dio, who had no love for anything but himself. Dio, who wanted everything erased. Dio, who had become exactly like the man he despised most. 

He hated it all. 

In his anger, he picked up the pictures you had given him and threw them all in the fire. He hacked out his lungs when the smoke billowed from them and surrounded him. A few photos began to melt before his very eyes, but for some reason, one of them caught his eye. 

The terracotta, three story mansion from your trip in Cairo. The one you wanted to take him to. The one you two dreamed about going on your honeymoon for. The one you joked about possibly buying and redesigning to make it your home forever. 

He gasped and grabbed the photo, blowing out the flame quickly and saving a majority of the picture. The corner was burned off, but the picture still remained. He held it to his chest and let out a shaky breath. 

Cairo was something he could never give up. Cairo, the only place that would allow him to be with you. Cairo, the place where you two promised to go. 

You promised. 

So why…? Why? Why, why, why? 

But Cairo would have to wait. He had something he needed to do first. Once he could get rid of Jonathan and George, and everything else that would stand in his way, then he could go there. 

I will find you again in Cairo, my (Y/n)...

[decafdoodlez]

RenRina NSFW Headcanons/Dynamics

A short list of self-indulgent NSFW headcanons and dynamics for my TPoF OC and Fox, though I think some of these could be applicable to Fox x Reader scenarios. ❤️‍🩹

a/n: I am cringe™️, but I am free (part 2), but a little spicier~🌶️ To be honest, I’ve drawn plenty of NSFW, but I’ve never actually written it, so apologies if anything sounds a little disjointed, this is my first time writing anything remotely raunchy! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

word count: 1.1k

warnings/tags: NSFW | written with AFAB OC x Canon in mind, captive/captor themes, toxic dynamic, power imbalance, age difference (both adults are 25+), just lots of fucking headcanons

Marina was a virgin before meeting Fox. Marina had only ever focused on furthering her career, so relationships and sex (or lack thereof) were very much the lowest on her list of priorities in life. (She would’ve been content e-fucking anime boys for the rest of her life, lmao)

In their second livestream, Fox states that it doesn’t matter to him one way or another if she’s a virgin or just inexperienced, though he can’t help but find it adorable seeing Marina fumble her way through and gagging while giving him a blowjob, or her legs giving out and becoming Jell-O immediately from trying to bounce up and down on his knotted member.

Marina isn’t completely clueless about sex, having played 18+ otome hentai games, but putting what she learns in theory from these games into practice is another story. Fox lavishes in her sweet, sweet ignorance, and ever so “lovingly” teaches her everything he knows to get the two of them to the peak of ecstasy.

Despite being a sadist, Fox isn’t only interested in getting himself off. Fox also derives pleasure from getting Marina off. Seeing her go from the prim and proper picture of untouched innocence into a broken, crying, and filthy whore for him and him alone makes his cock twitch at just the thought of it.

Fox at his core is a versatile switch, enjoying roles as dominant or submissive depending on his partner, but because of Marina’s inexperience and role as “pet,” he performs a dominant top role in the bedroom. Though, he does encourage (force) Marina to top him, just to see her buckle under the pressure of having to perform well enough for him as she grinds her hips against his.

Though he has retired Marina from gore torture streams, he still fucks her on camera occasionally, without going too extreme on her in terms of physical pain with the requests that roll in from the chat. These streams are not as popular as his snuff streams, but they still hold an audience of devoted Fox fans who just enjoy watching their favorite furry DILF fuck pretty and sweet little pets.

Fox is not a tit or ass man, to him, they both have their merits. BUT if he had to choose, his preference is for whichever part of his partner is larger, so in this case, Marina’s breasts are his favorite part of her body.

Speaking of Marina’s breasts, her large nipples are quite sensitive and she gains pleasure from them being teased and toyed with. Fox takes advantage of this fact, and often finds himself suckling on her tits and leaving bleeding marks on her areolas like a leech. >:3

Marina’s bust size is 34F, and Fox will never let her get a reduction. But conversely, he doesn’t need her to get an augmentation either; he likes her big naturals just the way they are.

Fox’s cock is an average length at 5 inches from tip to knot, and 6.25 inches from tip to base. The stretch from his knot is absolutely delicious.

Fox’s pubic hair is a thick white fur that trails down from his navel to the base of his shaft. His fur also cutely runs from his lower back into his ass crack, to around his hole and trailing up to his taint and balls. uwu

Fox’s nicknames for Marina as he fucks her are a far cry from the sweet names he usually purrs out for her. Some of his more raunchy favorites are “Fuck doll,” “breeding bitch,” “fuck bunny,” “cum slut,” and “cocksleeve.” His more standard nicknames are “pet,” “naughty little girl/slut/whore,” “crybaby,” “needy little baby,” “baby/babydoll,” and “my (little) girl/baby.”

Though Fox enjoys fucking as a whole, his favorite position would have to be doggy or prone. (Shocker /s) Having one arm pulled back and her face pressed into the surface she’s being bent over is the most intoxicating position for him. Seeing his cock go in and out of her puffy and slick folds while he has a firm handle on her round and reddened ass as she has no way of escaping him pounding into her drives him animalistic.

Marina’s favorite position is missionary. It’s a bit on the safe side and a more standard position, but it makes her feel loved when Fox looks her in the eyes as he slams his cock into her needy hole and his balls slap against her ass.

Missionary may not be Fox’s favorite position, but he does enjoy how romantic it can be. Plus, he gets to watch her breasts flop around rhythmically as he pounds into her.  

Fucking with Fox can go one of two ways, fast & rough/primal, or soft & slow/passionate. It’s all dependent on how he’s feeling. He’s got beastly and feral qualities for sure, but at his core, he is a bit of a romantic, and likes to display that side of himself on occasion.

Despite his age, Fox has better stamina than one could expect for a man pushing 50. He can keep a steady stroke pace, and usually cum twice or three times in a fuck session.

Marina on the other hand taps out quite easily, and whines and cries as she convulses from the overstimulation, while Fox continues to pump in and out of her, chasing his own high.

Fox is not averse to having Marina pass out as he fucks her, but he will smack her face a bit to wake her up if he sees her falling unconscious. He’d just prefer if she’d stay awake as he ruins her. He wants her to remember the feeling of every inch of his cock and how it stretches her out…and unfortunately, “you can’t do that while sleeping, darling.” uwu

Fox gets very excited when hearing Marina’s shrill whimpers and whines. With each mewl that leaves her pretty little lips, his tail thumps harder and faster, and his grip on her supple flesh becomes tighter and rougher.

Fox has taught Marina how to squirt. (Or fucked her well enough to squirt, rather.) The first time she squirted was while he was eating her out, sucking and nibbling on her clit until the last bit of composure inside of her just snapped. After coating his face in her fluids, Marina thoroughly apologized to Fox, thinking she had done something wrong and off-putting by making a mess, ultimately thinking she would be punished for it. However, Fox with a predatory gaze licked his lips then continued to work away to Marina’s sensitive clit, over-stimulating her further to the point of her releasing her juices again and again as she shrieked in the pain derived from the pleasure.

a/n: This list was a bit all over the place, but I feel like I could go on and on, haha. I could certainly do a part two to this! I think I may want to pick a kink and do a one shot for my next writing though. I want to play around with dialogue, hehe. Thank you for reading!~ ❤️‍🩹

[jeremywhitley]

Here we are, six weeks later...

HEY!

So, in case you haven’t heard, our six week run on Love Unlimited following Gwenpool wrapped up today and...

and as much as I did write all of this and it is extremely important to me, I feel I really need to make sure you all know that this didn’t start with me.

To be completely accurate, it started with Chris Hastings and crew for creating such an amazing and nuanced character out of what could have only ever been a high concept and a cover gag. Not that the cover gag wasn’t good, but the statue that is revealed from that piece of marble over the course of The Unbelievable Gwenpool is truly astonishing.

Then, of course, there’s you. An audience of fans with an incredible love and passion for a character who also saw a lot of the quirks and experiences that we as people on the asexual spectrum experience and talked about it online.

Which is where the incredible @alannawrites, my editor, comes in. Alanna had been looking for an opportunity to tell a story about being ace in Marvel comics. We had kind of skimmed around the edges during Unstoppable Wasp, but ultimately being a character who owed so much to a movie franchise, there were a lot of nerves there. Gwen was not only a great opportunity to tell a story of a person hyper aware that they are in a story struggling with the tropes that affect their actual life, it was a chance to bring about this story for a character a lot of the fandom already saw as ace. Obviously, not everybody, but still a lot.

So when editorial game to okay to tell this story, Alanna reached out to me - somebody she’d worked with but also specifically had just had their own little coming out as demisexual a little while back. I was thrilled by the idea and before long we brought on @bailiesartblog and Kelly and had a full creative team of people on the ace spectrum. This is easily the first time that’s ever been a thought.

For me it was important that it not just be a story of coming out, but that it be a Gwenpool story. A story of knowing how stories work, what tropes you can play with, trying to direct the story where you think it should go, and ultimately finding that the story just won’t comply. And for people who have experienced being on the ace spectrum or a lot of other marginalized genders and sexualities - that’s a very familiar problem.

Ultimately, it’s different from a lot of other Gwenpool stories because it’s not the world around her. She has 2-3 real working possibilities for romantic relationships in this story and one that is about to become a fully adult sexual relationship with a woman whom she really loves before it skips the tracks. Ultimately, it’s not a thing from the 616 that’s holding her back, it’s a thing she brought with her from the real world - her sexuality - and no matter how worthy you are, you can’t beat that with a hammer.

There’ll be lots of time to talk about this later, but along with her actually saying the words and waving the flags above, one of the sequences that’s most important to me is the opening sequence of issue 6

This is the problem sometimes with being story tellers. When you think you know the story, realizing you’re not who you thought you are can feel like maybe you’re a villain. Maybe you’re a monster. Maybe you don’t belong here.

Some people on the internet seem to have decided to misinterpret this sequence as us comparing being asexual to being a monster, when very clearly that’s Gwen doing it. I’m just going to assume they’ve never had the experience of struggling to understand themselves and where they fit. Sounds fake, but whatever.

I love this FF story. I love Ben Grimm. I love this cover and that was why I gave my art team the truly unenviable task of recreating it. Like, I don’t know if you’ve been there, but I certainly have and I’d wager that most of us have at some point.

But perhaps the most important image in this scene is the next one:

Julie sees her friend, her girlfriend, the person that she cares about spiraling and literally yoinks her right out of the frame.

And sits her down and talks to her about it. And listens to her about it. And when she starts asking questions that Julie can’t answer, she finds Gwen somebody who can.

And that is an incredible gift to give to someone. And yeah, maybe we should all do that for each other, but man is it hard. Julie for one is in a multi-month relationship with this girl that just told her that not only was she lying about being ready to have sex with her, but that she didn’t actually like kissing her and has been faking enjoying some aspects of their relationship. You wanna think you would still be there for this person, but that’s a lot to handle and it takes a lot to be the person Julie is in this moment. But, personally, I love Julie Power and I think she’s the kinda person to stick with it.

And ultimately I think this scene is so important to me because I hope this book is our opportunity to be Julie Power to somebody reading this story. I hope someone who is going through a hard time or struggling with how to define themselves will find this story and it can be the hands that pull them out of the cover of Fantastic Four 51 when they need it. Maybe that’s a lot to hope for a comic, but it’s really the ambition I think the team went into this comic with. We want to tell a story about an aroace character coming to terms with who they are and learning to accept and be comfortable with it, but ultimately we hope this story gets to someone out there when they need it and makes the difference.

Well, this has gone really long and I’m sure there will be other things I wanna say about it later, but until then take care of yourselves and hopefully you’ll get the chance to be someone’s Julie Power.

P.S. - Julie, you’re amazing and I’m sure we will find a romance for you that works out eventually. Sorry that we’ve collectively now put you through three breakups.

[nicnevans]

Hey! GW2 fandom!

I'm semi-new here, though (since you guys seem friendly) a few of my screenshots and doodles have done the rounds so my characters might not be entirely unfamiliar to you. Anyway, I want more GW2 on my dash! with some caveats due to being New TM I'm looking for folks to follow who;

post a fair bit of GW2; other games and fandoms in the mix is fine, I myself am pretty multifandom over here (I don't have the braincells to separate everything out lmao)

have a spoiler-tagging system I can reference; I've just finished HoT and I'm absolutely not rushing through GW2's storyline (experience has taught me that the best way to enjoy an MMO is slowly) If you don't have a spoiler tagging system but still wanna chat, that's also great! hmu I wanna interact and meet the fandom! I just don't wanna hit a spoiler for content that, to most other people, is ancient lmao

I'm especially interested in seeing fanworks, whether you're a creator of them or a chronic reblogger. I miss the good old days of tumblr when my dash was 90% peoples' fanart and OCs and everyone hyping each other up 🥺

A bit about me (and my characters)

I'm not a single-fandom blog. My blog runs mostly on a queue, and in that queue goes basically everything I enjoy with anything cool that crosses my dash in between.

I'm a Millennial TM. I make Millennial TM jokes (puns) like my life depends on it. I'm sorry. I can't change.

I post art over on @ilmhist sometimes. Doodles and portraits and such. (That's also the blog I like/follow from.)

I have... a lot of OCs. A lot. My OC page is packed and in a constant state of "oh god I still need to write so-and-so's bio..."

idk how to play GW2 I'm just here for the blorbosis, I'm certifiably Bad At It and I die constantly. This has become a character trait for my comm, it's a running joke at this point that he never walks away from a fight under his own strength, he's always getting carried or dragged out when it's all said and done.

I'm... kind of obsessed with sylvari. I support everyone who has brainrot for the other races and I'd love to hear thoughts on them, I just have none, it's all plant people all time in my one singular braincell.

(pictured above, left to right: Duilliche (main comm), Callainn, Lusanaisig, Dreaghann)

These lil guys are my current pride and joy. Lus and Drea are twins, but all four of them awoke during different times of the same day, and (mostly) had connected Dreams. Cal is the odd one out in this, she never got a Wyld Hunt and her calling in life is much more mundane than the others, but she sort of gets swept along with them anyway. Her running gag is that, for one reason or another, she never seems to make it to the Big Climactic Fight at the end of any given journey. Dill is very much in the wrong genre and should have been a Disney prince. He even sings. He also has a godawful sense of direction and if left in charge of Leading The Group, he will blithely lead the group in circles for hours. As is evident, they're season-coded. Autumn, winter, spring, summer. I thought it was a fun idea for a group of sylvari sharing a plotline :>

This post is getting really long. Okay, so, intro done, like/reblog/comment/something if you post GW2 and I can avoid spoilers if I follow you, if I can't avoid spoilers if i follow you feel free to drop me a message or something if you want?

[thebirthofvenusfly]

finally finished episode 1 (and 0, before that, before you ask) of Of The Devil and as a certified american, internet user, acting (and game development) student, i felt it imperative to share my opinion of this project. im writing this at 4 am and while half-tipsy so if you see typos, no you dont.

the following includes significant spoilers for both episodes 0 and 1 of Of The Devil so if you havent played it, you might want to Not read this!

im just gonna go ahead and start with what i think overall: THIS IS A REALLY GOOD FUCKING GAME. Like, REALLY REALLY GOOD. Like, I enjoyed this more than many of my attempts and experiences to play some of its inspirations (re: ace attorney, danganronpa) which is NOT me hating those inspirations; i am saying the innovations and unique creative decisions made to set Of The Devil apart from other titles in the murder mystery genre of games has made it what i love about it.

starting with general Things I Love:

Character Writing: name one boring character in this game. (spoiler alert: impossible!) this game has mastered an art of bringing charm and whimsy to a variety of characters who vary in age, design, occupation, relation to one another--without a single stale mark among any of them. every character is multi-dimensional. yes, emma is a perpetually tired nerd, but also yes, she is a ruthless, meticulous, prompt, dedicated lawyer who has a repeated record of having beat morgan in trial several times over, and will come running at 4 am to work.

yes, morgan is a hard-ass. also yes, she is a murderer. also yes, she is a criminal defense attorney. also yes, she is the most trusted ally of david ashur--a world-renowned programmer--and has killed on his behalf before without remotely being asked to do so. yes, she has taken serra under her wing and hired her. yes, she refers to serra as it and questions serra's independent thought on several occasions. yes, she begins to accept serra's opinions, quips, and muses more, and in her mind, refers to her as spearmint (out of endearment? teasing?). hell, yes, she chooses to even keep serra in her life after opening the episode 1 case with saying once she'd fulfilled this debt to serra (and david), she couldn't care less how serra fucked off afterwards.

tl;dr: the characters feel human. even the not-human ones. and they cover a variety of personalities and dynamics that clash and harmonize in lovely ways. Dialogue Writing: insane banter, bouncing off one another, fun puns and jokes and quips to specific characters. highlighted even further by the lovely portraits that change through conversation. ISAT and OTD prove: 2D character portraits can really do it all, and beautifully portray emotion in games with no emotional vocality (voice-acting, chat,) to support them. would make a good fandub. (i know there is a jelloapocalypse one, but as an acting student, i could see this as a fun challenge myself too if i can gather a couple more friends...) The Mysteries and Puzzles: did you play the game? the mirror-bit of episode 0? the synatonin-poisoned water, kept in the body for hours, becoming deadly when mixed with alcohol, gagged back up with salt-and-water concoction to get away with a murder-designed-as-a-suicide-turned-into-murder-against-an-innocent-party? cause that was very fucking clever.

Music: banger. nothing more to say here. the greatness of the soundtrack speaks for itself.

Character Designs, Art Style, and Visual Choices:

art style: 1000000/10. speaks for itself. same with character design choices, a fine diversity of heights, complexions, ages among the cast, etc. i suppose i would like to see more black and afro-featured characters moving forward as isaac was really the only one thus far, but given how small the cast is, this isn't an awful ratio for now.

i wanna talk about the visual/cinematic decisions. i want to talk about the way we cut to type-writer font and text and cut to panels of what looks like it was ripped right out of the script; you know, the solid-colored, semi-static background stills? where the character name and dialogue line sit in the middle, in the top left corner, you'll find the location of the current scene, and at the bottom, the line number, like we're looking at the actual script on paper? i love those. they create a nice change of pace and highlight of satirical and interesting moments in conversation. same with the multi-colored text, italicized text choices, and the other cuts--where some lines would cut to a grey, new camera angle in another part of the room, with the dialogue in red at the bottom for some of the most soul-chilling realizations of the narrative? W choices.

Plot Twists and Surprising Additions: okay so actually playing episode 0 i joked it would be really fucking funny if morgan were the heartbreak killer fresh after clearing carlos' name and you can only imagine the look on my face when i clicked into the next panel to immediately see morgan in the doorway with a smoking gun in hand.

it seems like such a simple idea for a twist; let's make the criminal defense attorney, whose entire career has been responsibilities along the lines of clearing people of murder, a flat-out murderer. let's say SHE is the murderer responsible for the death of a victim whose case she is assigned to, to prove someone else's innocence for it. she goes in with full confidence KNOWING she is the one who pulled the trigger, and as such, the evidence to support carlos' innocence should be there somewhere. all while using her arguments (smell of gunpowder, for example) as ways to keep herself separated from suspicion (light a cigarette inside the interrogation room so that the smell of gunpowder potentially on her is overwritten with the cigarette scent). and then reveal those supposedly six people she's shot in the heart? yeah, they are FAR from her first victims. very far. even david's stalker was, at minimum, her 20th, maybe 30th, maybe 40th kill; she's too precise, too meticulous, too... comfortable and satisfied doing it. it cant be new. cant be a fluke hobby. its something she is consistently finding satisfaction within, almost therapeutically. why???? (let's find out.)

anyways. we WILL be tuning into episode 2. we WILL be buying any merch on the horizon, and we WILL be checking out the ao3 scene (and perhaps contributing to it...?)

thanks gamers

[snapdin]

A collection of my Stands so far

(abilities below the cut)

Stand: Cabinet man

Sucks you into it's video game dimension and drains you of your life force. The only way out is to play it's game. If you lose or cheat, you die.

Stand: Royal Blood

Lights out- removes your 5 senses

Out of the black- removes all of the rest of your senses (time, spacial awareness, etc)

If the stand touches you lights out is automatically activated. The longer the stand is able to touch you the more senses are removed. 1 minute uninterrupted fully activates out of the black. Once either ability is activated it lasts for 10 times as long as the stand touched you for. Can can be broken only by defeating the stand or forcing it to be recalled.

Stand: No Doubt

Stand gags the target with a spiderweb-like energy-sapping substance, removing their ability to produce any sound. The longer the target is gagged the deeper the webs spread into their body. As the webs spread, the target becomes more and more unable to move until they are completely incapacitated. The larger the webs grow the greater the amount of energy they sap, until they eventually kill the target.

Stand: Primadonna

If the target is touched by Primadonna, they are put into a trance like state where they can be completely controlled by Primadonna's user. The effects last longer depending on the target's intelligence, usually lasting around 1-3 minutes. In this state the target's stand is also under Primadonna's control. Once the target has broken free from Primadonna's control, they cannot be controlled again for 5 minutes.

Stand: Flea

Flea has the ability to draw any living creature weighing 20 lbs or under within a one mile radius towards itself. This includes insects but not plants. While it has no direct control over these animals, it can strongly influence them and can make them fight on it's behalf.

Stand: New Politics

New Politics has the ability to teleport itself, it's user, and any individuals within it's one meter reach. It can only travel to locations the user has either been to or seen, which includes detailed photographs or videos. It sweeps it's cloak over the user or anybody else it is traveling with to teleport them to the location.

Stand: KGLW

Causes the affected person to hallucinate, if the hallucinations are interacted with, they become more and more vivid and psychedelic until the real world is completely indistinguishable from the hallucinations. The only way to break this effect is to catch the alligator that runs around in the world of hallucinations.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers CHAOS LINEAGE ー Subaru [12]

Monologue

ーー Our encounter with Socrates.

I cannot remember,

how or where Subaru-kun and myself wandered to afterwards.

Unless somebody willingly gives up their own life,

we cannot leave this miniature World.

Confronted with this unreasonably heavy truth,

every step we took felt like a challenge,

as we lacked even the strength to speak.

What on earth,

were we supposed to do?

How exactly is that spherical entity,

who goes by the name of Socrates,

have the heart to do something so utterly cruel?

What does that guy gain,

from our suffering?

A bunch of questions which I cannot answer,

pop in my head one after the other.

ー The scene starts in the forest

Yui: ( I feel heavy-hearted...Right when I thought we had finally found a way to go back, it turns out to be something so unreasonable. )

Subaru: Say.

Yui: Hm? What’s wrong?

Subaru: What do you want to do once we go back to our own World?

Yui: Eh? Why would you ask all of a sudden?

Subaru: It’s not like we’ll get anywhere by only thinkin’ negatively, right? That’s why, you know...

Yui: ( I see. He’s trying whatever he can to cheer me up, isn’t he? )

Fufufu.

Subaru: Whatcha laughin’ for!? I’m trying my best for you here...!

Yui: Yeah, I know. I’m sorry for laughing!

I’m not trying to make fun of you or anything, I’m just really happy about it, fufu.

Subaru: Are you sure you aren’t makin’ fun of me after all? I’m serious, you know?

But well, guess it’s fine. I don’t care as long as you smile.

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: 

Yui: ( ...? I wonder why he came to a halt all of a sudden? )

Subaru-kun...?

Subaru: ...So they’re here.

Yui: ...Eh?

( They came? Don’t tell me... )

Carla: ...So this is where you’ve been. Foolish traitors.

Yui: Carla-san...

Azusa: I think it’d be in your best interest, to do as we say...

Kou: Exactly. You might get hurt if you put up too much of a fight.

Laito: I’m sure both of you realize that this isn’t the kind of situation where we’d hold back just because we’re family? 

Yui: ( The Violet family has got us surrounded!? What now? We’ve got nowhere to run! )

Subaru: Hah! Took you guys long enough. Were you too scared of me to do anythin’? 

Carla: Get off your high horse. We simply observed you first to see how you would act.

Subaru: So you purposely let us run free.

Carla: As a result, I was able to witness something very fascinating. Seems like your attempted alliance with the Scarlet House ended in a tragedy.

Subaru: ...!

Carla: Exactly. We were obviously watching. However, we are still lacking information. 

Such as what exactly you did while you were alone with Eve, or which things you talked about.

I believe it is necessary to hear about that in full detail. 

Subaru: You make me gag. What for, exactly? Do you get a kick out of it?

Carla: To find a clue to become Supreme Overlord, obviously. I simply cannot afford overseeing even the slightest change.

You have no place to run. If you understand that, hand her over.

Subaru: ...Che.

Yui: ( Oh no...At this rate... )

Selection

→ Let’s power our way through (🖤)

Yui: Subaru-kun, I don’t want to get caught. So how about we just risk it all and try to make a run for it?

Subaru: Don’t be stupid. If we try to do that under these circumstances, we’d get caught in no time and then it’d be game over.

I’m pretty sure you’ll be at Carla’s mercy and I’ll get killed for rebelling ‘gainst them.

Yui: Right...

→ Let’s do as they say (♡)

Yui: Subaru-kun, it might be best to do as they say.

Even if he catches us, we might find another opportunity to run...

Subaru: ...It’s Carla we’re talking about.

Once he has gotten his hands on you once, I’m pretty sure he’ll lock you up in the prison basement for the rest of your life so you’ll never see the light of day again.

...But if I can play my cards right, I might be able to save you from such a fate at least.

Yui: Eh? What do you mean?

Subaru: Don’t worry ‘bout anythin’. Just leave it to me.

Yui: Subaru-kun...? What are you thinking?

Subaru: Don’t resist, no matter what? I promise that I’ll keep you safe, no matter what I have to do.

Yui: W-Wait! Don’t be rash!

( Don’t tell me he’s thinking of a sacrificing himself...! )

Subaru: Oi, Carla! I’ll let myself get captured, as you want.

Carla: Heh. That is some big talk for a rat driven in a corner.

Subaru: But I do have one condition. I want you to treat her...to treat Eve with care.

Don’t lock her up in a prison cell like you did before. 

But give her a proper room and provide her with daily meals.

Give her some freedom as well. I want you to give her the happiness she needs as a human.

Yui: ( Subaru-kun, for my sake...! )

Subaru: If you promise to do that, I’ll surrender. You can do with me as you please.

I don’t mind if you want to torture me to death. Or give me an official punishment as a traitor, I’ll accept that as well.

Carla: ...

Subaru: Oi, what do you say?

Carla: I understand your resolve. Out of respect for your feelings, I shall promise to take good care of Eve.

Subaru: I see.

Yui: But then Subaru-kun will...!

Subaru: Didn’t I tell you that I’m fine? I just want to protect you, no matter what it takes.

Carla: I believe you might be misunderstanding something, as I do not intend to kill Subaru.

Yui: Eh? 

Subaru: Hah?

Carla: I believe I made myself very clear from the start, that I want to hear what happened between the two of you while you were on the run.

I will not be able to do so if I kill him.

Carla: Therefore, as long as you surrender, I will treat you decently well.

Subaru: T-The fuck...? Then my whole offer was for nothing?

Carla: No, it did have significance. I was able to hear how formidable my younger brother’s resolve is.

I am glad I do not have to kill you. This world nearly lost a very valuable man.

Subaru: Carla...

Yui: ( Carla-san seems kind of happy. He usually comes off as cold, but he’s actually the type of person to value his family. )

( Seems like Subaru-kun has picked up on that as well. Honestly, these two might be a surprisingly good match. )

Carla: That is enough chit-chat for now. Azusa, Kou, Laito. Seize the two of them and take them back to our manor. 

Azusa: ...Okay.

Laito: Roger~

Kou: Ready, you guys? We’ll tie you up now?

Yui: Uhm, Subaru-kun. Thanks for earlier. For trying to sacrifice yourself to save me.

Subaru: Hm? Yeah...

Yui: ( Seems like he’s got something on his mind. Could it be that there’s still something else worrying him? )

ー The scene shifts to the prison cell

Carla: You will have to stay down here for a while.

*Rustle*

Subaru: ...Che.

I’m gettin’ this sorta treatment in the end, huh? What happened to your admiration for me from earlier?

Carla: Those two things are completely unrelated.

It does not change from the fact that you betrayed our family by trying to claim Eve as your own.

I shall not allow you to ever meet her again.

Subaru: Hah! As to be expected of Mr. Founder over here. You’re not takin’ any risks.

Carla: Well then, there are a few things I would like to ask you.

Subaru: Did you discover the secrets behind Eve and the Supreme Overlord?

Subaru: ...

Carla: The silent treatment, huh? I suppose that is fine. I shall take my time to drag it out of you.

Kou, Laito. I shall interrogate him again tomorrow morning. I want the two of you to watch over him until then.

Laito: What a pain~ How long will this last?

Kou: Until Subaru-kun tells him everything about Eve, right? I guess that’ll make our lives easier.

Laito: Right. Well then, Subaru-kun, please tell him everything you know already. Do it for us.

Subaru: You fuckers really need to buzz off.

...Hey, what happened to her?

Laito: Her? ...Aah, you mean Eve?

Kou: Don’t worry. Azusa-kun’s in charge of looking over her, so you’ve got nothing to worry about.

Subaru: ...

( I guess Azusa is way better than these two in terms of people to watch over her. )

( I can’t imagine he’d try to assault her against her will. )

( I promise that I’ll definitely keep you safe. Even if it costs me my life... )

ー The scene shifts to a free room in the Violet Manor

Azusa: You can use this room again...

Yui: Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks for escorting me.

Azusa: You’re welcome...Please ask me anything if there’s something else you need?

Yui: Anything? Uhm, well then, where is Subaru-kun?

( The two of us were separated as soon as we arrived at the manor. )

( Even if it might be difficult to go see him, I want to know where he’s staying at least. )

Azusa: Subaru probably got put in prison, I believe...The one where you stayed when you first got here.

Yui: I see.

( Subaru-kun...I just hope he’s not being hurt. )

( He seemed shaken up by what Socrates-san told us as well, so I’m sure he’s got a lot on his mind right now. )

( I can’t believe I can’t be with him at a time like this... )

...Haah.

Azusa: What’s wrong, Eve...?

Yui: Ah, my bad! I can’t believe I sighed.

It’s just, I’m worried about Subaru-kun...

Azusa: About Subaru...?

Yui: He’s severely injured, and I believe he’s emotionally exhausted on top of that.

When I think that he has to endure all of that by himself, it pains me as well.

I’m terribly worried about him...

Azusa: I see...

Yui: ( I know Carla-san and the others told me to stay put but...I can’t help but want to see him. )

( Perhaps I could try asking Azusa-kun...? )

Hey, I’ve got something to ask you. Can’t you arrange for the two of us to meet somehow?

I want to see his face. I want to know how he’s doing right now...

Azusa: ...

Yui: I know that I’m being unreasonable. But, Iーー

Azusa: Sure...

Yui: Eh!?

Azusa: You want to see him, right...? Sure, I’ll let...the two of you meet...

Yui: Really...?

Azusa: Yeah...We have to make sure that nobody sees us, okay...? Or I’ll get scolded as well...

*Thud*

Azusa: Come on, this way...

ー The two of them sneak out

Monologue

My eyes widened with surprise,

as I watched Azusa-kun silently open the door.

I wonder if he is being serious? 

Can I trust him?

I recall what had happened,

at the Scarlet Manor.

As well as the welcome party at the Violet Manor.

Whenever someone was nice to us, they always had an ulterior motive.

The pain of being betrayed by someone,

feels like thorns stabbing you right in the heart.

What if I get betrayed again? 

This fear is what makes it difficult for me to step forward.

However, even if I stand still now,

it won’t change anything.

...For Subaru-kun’s sake,

I mustered up my courage.

And I walked ahead.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[local-pr1nter]

Mikan Tsumikis Execution: Bye Bye Ouchies!

TW!!! Gorey subject matter, syringes, needles, blood, surgery, and other hospital/medical related themes, and implied past trauma of a character

Mikan is one of my favorite characters in Danganronpa and has so much potential as a character besides fan-service or a punching bag for other characters.

Her trial and execution did her dirty, and that's not news to anyone here. It stands as one of the most unpopular trials in the franchise, and I have to agree. While I don't wanna get into the writing of the whole trial itself, I'd like to talk about her execution.

As an execution, it's lackluster, strange, and overall just disappointing (which is cruel to say, but Danganronpa is known for its executions) Some aspects of the execution make sense, such as her fear of large objects and her past trauma, but they didn't do anything creative with those concepts (Plus I'm still iffy on them including her trauma at all - it just seems to play into the over sexualization of her character, making many people believe her execution to be one last piece of fan-service before she's out of the game.) They threw a giant arm in there, then launched her into space with it. It just seemed lazy.

If you compare that to the two previous executions, it gets worse.

Teruteru was prepared and cooked alive in a volcano. It wasn't randomly thrown in there just for the sake of it - it made sense for the setting and played into his talent, then the creators turned a famous gag (tar + feathers = chicken) and implemented it into the execution (I presume it's buttermilk + flour + hot oil = fried chicken). It's all connected, it's unique, and it makes sense.

Peko willingly let herself die to the robot warriors thinking she accidentally hurt/killed Fuyuhiko. Once again, it played into her talent and made sense with her character. She was a "puppet", made to protect her young master by any means necessary. That own mentality is essentially what made her hurt/kill him in the end, filling her with despair and guilt before the very end. As a plus! It was the first execution in Danganronpa to show another student involved - Fuyuhiko had the balls to try and save her - to stop her. That made it one of the most devastating executions throughout the franchise, becoming beloved by many fans.

With Mikan...she's in a hospital bed, then thrown into an arm, and launched into space as the said arm is injected with some sort of drug. Fear of large objects? Check. Talent? Check. Played into her character? Not at all. It only came off as one last bit of fan service before she bit the dust, becoming an unforgettable execution when compared to the others in the entire series. But not for the best reasons.

Here's where I throw my ideas out there. First, addressing Mikans character.

She's a nurse and passionate about it. Likes knowing that other people's lives depend on her.

Had to learn to help herself, as no one else would.

Weird obsession with blood/gore/horror/needles/syringes/injections

Timid, paranoid, self-deprecating, meek, and fragile.

Experienced mental and physical abuse from a very young age. Bullied and used by others throughout her life.

Has an obsessive personality.

A klutz.

We could incorporate a variety of these points, but it will be easier if I simply explain my idea for Mikans execution.

Mikan appears in one of the hospital rooms on a cot, apparently waiting for something. The door opens, revealing Monokuma with a large syringe.

Mikan runs past Monokuma in fear, running out of the room and into the hospital. Other Monokumas are working in the hospital, who all eventually join in the chase for Mikan instead of helping her.

It looks like Mikan is about to escape when the door she goes through (the sign above is a poorly made exit sign merely taped on, which would later drop to reveal it as the OR) leads to an operating room. The doors would shut behind her, trapping her. I'm thinking it's one of the operating rooms that has seats so people can observe as the surgery goes on, so the seats would be filled with multiple Monokumas to observe the execution.

Another Monokuma would already be on the operating floor, dressed in scrubs. The Monokumas that were previously chasing her would bust through the doors and force Mikan towards the OR table. That's when it's revealed they intend to do a heart transplant to "save" another Monokuma. Mikan would be forced onto the table and restrained, and then the "operation" would begin.

I can imagine this would warrant a shift in style change, merely showing the silhouettes or shadows of Mikan and the surgeon to imply what's happening. Absurd shadows and body movements would imply the surgeon has not applied any anesthesia and is merely torturing Mikan, presumably cutting and maiming her. The style would shift back to normal to reveal a cartoonish heart being picked up by the surgeon, already previously wounded to match with Mikans bandages.

Then one of two things can happen here- the surgeon can make a big show of tripping and dropping the heart, rendering it useless now that it's been contaminated, then disposes of it. Or the surgeon can place the heart in the wounded Monokuma and stitch it back up, only for it to flatline, rendering it dead.

Both would make Mikans death meaningless (I think it would be pretty fucked up if she was still alive and able to witness either of the previously mentioned outcomes, then shortly flatlining afterwards) and instill that last bit of despair before the execution ends.

Mikan would flatline as well, and then, after another shadow style change that shows the surgeon covering her body, we see her covered up by a cloth. The execution would end with her blood soaking through the cloth. Fade to black, and it goes back to the game.

I can imagine this is probably an extremely gorey and horrific execution, even for DR standards, but I think it would make sense and make for a final goodbye before Mikans out of the game for good.

Plus, it aligns with some of the previous ideas I mentioned earlier, such as her obsession with blood, gore and needles. While she's the one usually in control of a medical setting, it would be flipped for the execution, forcing her to be the patient, unable to help or save herself due to the Monokumas forcing her through it. She's not in control of any of it, forced to endure it all before she finally bleeds out from her injuries. And the twist of the knife would be making her death meaningless- either from her heart being discarded, or the injured Monokuma dying regardless of the new heart.

Overall, I think this execution would be a better fit for Mikan. It incorporates her talent, relates back to her past, and ultimately full of despair.

The execution would be called: Emergency Operation!

[everygame]

Lococycle

Developed/Published by: Twisted Pixel Games / Microsoft Game Studios Released: 22/11/2013 Completed: 17/01/2025 Completion: Finished it.

Picked this one up because I saw Coury from My Life in Gaming recommend it, somewhat out of nowhere on the channel’s “The Games We Played in 2024” episode (always extremely enjoyable). It caught my eye particularly because it features FMV with James Gunn (filmed basically seconds before he’d take off with Guardians of the Galaxy), Tom Savini and Lloyd Kaufman, and that’s… really weird! It feels like something I’d have noticed at the time, not least because Twisted Pixel were on my radar as one of the teams of the “Xbox Live Arcade” era (thanks to releases like ‘Splosion Man.)

Well, I learned I’d missed not just Lococycle but a lot in the last decade, because not only had they moved on from being a Microsoft Games studio, they’d actually become part of Meta (boo!!!) and have spent their time making VR games for an audience of I assume very few, which is a bit of a bummer. Their last release was short VR beat-em-up Path of the Warrior in 2019, so I hope they’re doing alright (trying to destroy Meta from within, preferably.)

Anyway, I have to remark that it’s absolutely hilarious that I’d somehow manage to play two games in a row that heavily feature a character called Iris, except in this case she’s a sentient motorbike that can’t speak Spanish. 

Yep, there’s no throughline with 1000xRESIST here [“no one would have imagined there was”--Ed.] though I have to say I’m impressed with just how stupid Lococycle is willing to be. It feels like a game where everything about it was decided based on the phrase “it would be funny if..” and then no one bothered to check if it that was actually that funny or not. I mean, this is a game where the main gag is that you’re controlling a bike that has a mechanic being dragged behind it because his trouser leg is tangled on the bike’s exhaust! And then the guy is played by Freddy Rodríguez in the FMV! That guy’s a real actor!

The game itself is pretty simple, but I’m going to go ahead and say it’s a pretty clever way for them to do a narrative game without having to resort to making something that’s not much more than a visual novel–or making it possible for the player to mess too much with the pacing based on how they play. Because every level has a constant forward momentum (you’re on a bike!) each level essentially runs on a timeline–waves of enemies and narrative hit when they want it to.

But it doesn’t entirely feel on-rails; you have to control the bike, and there’s just (just) enough variety to cover the game’s four hour runtime. You have the basic, Spy Hunter “chase and shoot enemies”, then a take on the classic Arkham Asylum counter combo system, and finally a bunch of quick time events that are (thankfully) easy and I believe impossible to actually fail. There’s a few other mini-games (one to repair the bike via on-screen inputs, etc.) and a mild upgrade system, too.

It’s nothing that special, and I think it could still have been a bit shorter (you’re definitely done with it at the end) but it’s all rewarding enough in the moment. The FMV videos really stand out because they have the strange pacing of low budget regional filmmaking and the non-sequitur dialogue is, if not improvised, amusingly non-professional. I can imagine lots of people being turned off by this, but I’m someone who seeks out things like Shower of Screams and is in heaven for the entire running time (seriously, watch it) so the entirely “off” nature of all the FMV here is a rare pleasure–it’s not intentionally bad in a way you’re meant to enjoy ironically, it’s just… awkward, and that awkwardness gets you on side. You find it charming.

I mean they managed to get Robert Patrick to play an evil motorbike and read some of the daftest dialogue he’s probably ever had put in front of him, and watching it you just think how lovely it is that he doesn’t take himself too seriously.

Anyway. Sure, Lococycle isn’t the greatest but I appreciate that there’s nothing else out there like it!

Will I ever play it again? I can’t imagine that I will.

Final Thought: For any historians out there, something really wonderful about the release is that there’s so much behind the scenes documentation in the game, with videos of all their shooting days and loads of photos of concept art and renders. I don’t get the sense that this did particularly well (it was an Xbox One launch title, oof) but I love that if you want to know literally everything there is to know about this game, it’s all right there!

Every Game I’ve Finished 14>24 is OUT NOW! You can pick it up in paperback, kindle, or epub/pdf. You can also support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! You can pick up digital copies of exp., a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

[the-casbah-way]

things i'm still trying to process two days after watching the first robbie the reindeer film:

blitzen and vixen canonically fuck offscreen following an unabashedly horny exchange where vixen says 'if only someone would stoke my fire' to which blitzen responds, in a voice so dripping with lust that the sheer memory of it rocks me to my core, 'it'd be rude not to', which would be a bizarre turn of events even if this wasn't a kids film, because these two have almost no interaction or chemistry before this scene. there are no feelings here, they're literally just horny and that's it. it doesn't impact the plot in any way, nor does it really crop up again later in the film. the director literally just wanted to let this audience of children know that blitzen fucks

after blitzen says he's going to fuck vixen, it INSTANTLY cuts to blitzen sprinting full speed up the stairs with vixen nowhere to be seen. i guess we're supposed to assume that she's already upstairs waiting for him, except in the scene where they were talking she's literally sprawled out across the sofa miles away from the staircase blitzen is standing beside, which just makes it look like blitzen drops this flirty line on her before immediately turning and running away which is incredibly funny to me

i also need to follow this up by saying that this borderline sex scene comes directly after blitzen walks in on robbie sobbing over a portrait of his dead father and then kicks him out of the reindeer lodge in the middle of the night during a snowstorm. the emotional juxtaposition here is so jarring and the fact that blitzen does this then immediately goes and gets laid is, dare i say, icon behaviour

for some reason there is a scene where the elves somehow attach robbie onto the end of a forklift truck and use his body to lift toys onto the sleigh. i still have no idea why or how this happened

blitzen literally uses performance enhancing drugs on screen and is later forced to do a breathalyzer test, after which santa disqualifies him from the reindeer games. again, this is a children's film

the old man reindeer proposes, completely out of nowhere, to the old man elf, in a scene that lasts approximately five seconds and is never addressed again. these two characters barely exchanged any dialogue before this proposal

there is a yeti who is best friends with a snowman, and when the snowman pisses him off he literally threatens him by saying 'don't make me bring out the space heater' and then slowly starts melting him to death. it's barely even played off as a funny gag, because the snowman seems genuinely terrified and is essentially begging for his life as he is forced to look down upon his own body turning to sludge beneath him

whilst robbie is in the middle of running the reindeer race, which is (as far as i can tell) supposed to be the entire Big Climax of the film, he becomes aware of the fact that the elderly reindeer has somehow become trapped under his own house(?) and just runs off the race track, picks the house up to free him, and then runs straight back again and continues racing like nothing happened. i have no fucking clue why this was included because it didn't change or add to the plot in any way shape or form

literally every fucking two seconds in this film something insane happens out of nowhere and then is almost immediately dealt with, and none of it has anything to do with what i assume is supposed to be the main storyline. in fact because the film is so short and tries to fit such a huge amount into that time, the main storyline is essentially lost beneath the array of batshit occurrences happening over the top of it, to the point where i don't think i could sum this film up in a sentence even if i wanted to

the girl reindeer have boobs. this isn't that crazy because i think by this point we're all used to overly sexy-fied female anthropomorphic creatures in kids films, but what really gets me about this is that the 'boobs' are just tiny little half-spheres stuck on top of models that are identical to those of the male characters. someone really looked at the male design and went 'how do we make it obvious that this is a woman' and that's what they decided on

[takethistoyourstardust]

if anyone wants to steal my “disney channel sitcom with the power of video games” idea go ahead. but there are some details i have abt the world that are a little un-negotiable

the little sister is shockingly powerful due to the sheer fucking amount of tsumtsum she can command. hero, villain, neutral, it does not matter, she can drop ungodly amounts of these on your head which does in fact hurt when like 40 of them drop a a speed of mach fuck. she also has a running gag of dropping a tsumtsum on someone after they say something stupid.

the main character has to be a terrible artist. like absolutely god awful at drawing. which doesn’t matter TOO much when you fight with magic paint but you know.

the best friend is far and away the better communicator, and is a great artist. there is a gag where they play a stardew valley esque game (NOT dreamlight valley, it’s the one game they didn’t get around to) like the navy.

the crush is basically just a pretty face who is obsessed with marvel and star wars to the point you think they’re gonna have like lego star wars as their power. they are VERY confused when they can summon anime boys to fight at their side.

skylar, as previously mentioned, HAS TO SOMEHOW BE CANON TO THE KINGDOM HEARTS SERIES. current idea is that her past life was one of the union cross dandelions, and she chose to reincarnate like the player character instead of becoming a dream eater, but her heart somehow got yeeted to this world. she only vaguley remembers anything from union cross as a result, and her keyblade is a little more custom than the standard union cross keyblade.

[adultswim2021]

Robot Chicken #79: “Please Do Not Notify Our Contractors” | September 13, 2009 - 11:30PM | S04E18

I have to finish a Jeopardy board for my “online friends” game night tonight, so I’ll make this as brief as I can, which is usually not very. Four longish sketches for me to comment on! 

One is a parody of the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I think. I only saw that movie once ever in my entire life. I don’t think I like Indiana Jones, like, at all. Anyway: This is about the knight that is guarding the holy grail, and how he got along for all those years before Indiana Jones got there. It also explains why there were so many other grails there to confuse him; they were fast food cups from him ordering in. I don’t hate this premise, I just hate hearing Breckin Meyer doing a British accent. It just sounds like a high school drama student approximating Monty Python sketches to me. 

There’s a sketch where a father hides in his young son’s closet to prove to him that there’s no such thing as a bogeyman. It backfires, because he learns that his son is domming his teddy bear and now he’s trapped in there as to not confront this terrible truth. I’m not sure if I missed the full joke of this sketch; there were key phrases that seemed to suggest that the kid was playing out some role playing fantasy he has or reenacting a trauma from a previous living situation? He does say the teddy bear is adopted? Like, I’m honestly not sure if the joke is that the kid is planning to rape his adoptive father or something, I genuinely feel like i missed a key detail. NOT SPENDING MORE TIME ON THIS TO FIGURE IT OUT, SORRY.

There’s a very long sketch where it’s Beast from Beauty and the Beast on a dating reality show where he fucks and sucks various beauties of various backgrounds. Technically this is a new idea, I guess, but the tropes of reality shows have been fodder for comedy for so gosh darn long, and none of those jokes seem particularly inspired. The funniest joke in this is the running gag of the angry mob that keeps interrupting it, but then I remembered about January 6th and instantly got PTSD from it :( 

Okay; the best sketch of the night was Montage, about a superhero of sorts who helps people by showing up an enacting a montage. There’s been comedy about the montage trope for years, but the part where he does a montage to age up a house thief so that he becomes too frail to complete his crime is pretty inspired. And the ending was really good, where Montage’s nemesis End Credits man shows up, for both being a clever joke and also letting me know that the show was about to end. 

EPHEMERA CORNER:

The Office (UK) (September 19, 2009 - 12:00AM)

I recently watched a video where a British man defended the post-classic era of the Simposns. It only solidified my personal theory that as outsiders to American culture, British people are less likely to be able to discern the very clear difference between good and bad episodes of The Simpsons. But this is a two-way street, mostly resulting in Americans not realizing Ricky Gervais sucks until he became the most cartoonishly awful version of himself. 

Did I love The Office back then? Yes. I haven’t tried to watch it in full in probably 20 years or so, so I don’t know if it “holds up” (I mean that in the least obnoxious way possible). I only got into the American Office after exhausting rewatches of the British one, after being told how much better it got after it’s first season (of which I saw the first episode, a remake of the first British episode, and hated).

The Office airing on Adult Swim is one of my favorite bits of Adult Swim lore. Because it was promoted for weeks with Ricky Gervais being, for it’s time, funny and cheeky in promos. You got the impression he riffed them all out, letting his naturally-amusing arrogance drive them with inspired one-liners. The show’s odd runtime meant that Adult Swim had to air it in 45 minute time slots with extensively long introductions with Ricky Gervais talking about the episode for a few minutes before letting it play. 

The difference between the promos he cut and the intros, despite being the exact same camera setup, was stark. Ricky would pretentiously prattle on about how David Brent was (I used to do an impression of this and it made two people laugh really hard, so I consider it one of my greatest bit) “huuurrtiiing”, almost like we’d failed as an audience by this character buffoonish. Ricky was basically preparing us for watching a Ken Loach film, and not an above-average BBC Sitcom. It could very well be the first instance of me thinking “this dude seems like he sucks”. 

Surprisingly, these intros seem to be missing from the internet. I keep teasing the fact that some day I’ll dig out my DVD-Rs and try and find this stuff to post somewhere, but who knows at this point. I genuinely don’t know where they are and I have so much fucking shit I need to purge just to get to the pile that MIGHT contain them. But maybe some day. Enjoy the one promo I found, which doesn’t really illustrate what I’m talking about almost at all. Sorry.

MAIL BAG

The Boondocks pilot got leaked online archive DOT org/details/boondockspilot

Nice!

[honeylunnes]

perpetually growing list of random rosa facts

- she was born on the night of a new moon

- she fidgets with her hair a lot, especially if shes bored or anxious

- shes really clumsy, but insists that it has nothing to do with her heels. shes actually right, and to most peoples surprise shes even more uncoordinated in flats or barefoot

- she used to be insecure about her height, especially being taller than most of the guys in her life, but eventually began trying to take pride in it instead. it went too far though, and she now gets weirdly competitive whenever she encounters men taller than her (why she wears heels every day)

- shes got a sweet tooth, and especially loves most if not all strawberry desserts

- she would love to be able to make her own treats, but every attempt somehow manages to lead to failure

- shes a sucker for bad pickup lines, and traditionally “corny” romance in general. she finds it incredibly endearing

- semi related, but shes very dense. she seldom registers the subtleties of romance and has unknowingly shot peoples advances down because she just didnt realize they were shooting their shot

- aside from the few she played as a kid, very detached from video games. she really likes the art she sees of various series on social media, though

- shes heard of splatoon, and was intrigued by it at first. however she finds the creative liberties that lead to inaccuracies to be too frustrating to engage with the game or conversations about it. finding out otters are extinct was also incredibly disappointing for her

- despite using social media, she hardly ever interacts with people or engages with trends. most references to memes and other online current events from her peers go right over her head

- she has fangs! because shes so reserved very few people know this, but they become apparent whenever she laughs hard or gives a wide smile

- i have in my notes that when shes drunk she acts like pinkie pie. idk what i meant by that but make of it what you wish

- while she can get easily annoyed, its difficult to make her genuinely angry. the exception to this is rude customers, and her coworkers keep a little plushie behind the counter for her to take out her frustrations on when she encounters one

- she grew up on sailor moon, and still holds it very dear to her heart. (looking back on it she realized there was a lot of gender envy involved there) her favorite character is sailor neptune

- she has a habit (running gag?) of finding animals typically seen as gross or creepy really cute and endearing, especially snails and slugs.

- her favorite song is “cassiopeia” by sara bareilles

- she doesnt care about astrology in the traditional sense but does pay some attention to it solely because of its association with the stars and constellations

- she refuses to admit it, but she scares *super* easy

- she owns that ikea shark but is completely oblivious to the memes abt it, she just likes sharks

- her sense of humor suuucks. not that she’ll tell bad jokes, but she’s the only one laughing when someone else tells one. most ppl assume she’s laughing at the person, but she just genuinely finds the joke funny

- while her sweater is largely a security blanket of sorts for her, she also gets cold rly easily, even if its fairly warm out, which is how she can wear it and insists on doing so regardless of the weather or time of year

gonna keep adding random shit to this as i think of more :]