the way my mind works is musing over how Eleven never mentions River's name again onscreen (apparently he kept on mentioning her to Clara as 'Professor Song') while planning an edit because earlier today, I encountered a River hater gloating over how the Doctor moved on so quickly from River because he never mentioned her again and that she's not that important because the Doctor didn't spend billions of years (relative) trying to get her back after having a conversation with @croxxbunx over Eleven not mentioning River in series 7b after she sent this reel to wondering whether Twelve had done the same post-Darillium to dropping my edit planning because I wanted to continue my series 10 watch. After all, I wanted to know whether Twelve made any River namedrop other than that one deleted scene in Thin Ice. oh wait no that's not a River namedrop.
anyways...
YOUR NAME
Your name is something
I will never forget.
The way it made me smile
when I would say it.
Now I can't even bear
to say it without
a tear coming
down my eye
or the thought of
me never finding
another you ever again.
It's like a spell that won't cast.
It's the curse of me never saying it again.
anatomy of a broken soul - sehejspoetry
I've seen much hate (or glee) over Eleven not even talking about or mentioning River throughout series 7b. But then I recall Clara telling River that the Doctor mentioned her as 'Professor Song'. I also remember the moments that River is alluded to throughout series 7b. And those three minutes~ish in TNOTD where we get the most romantic DoctorRiver scene in the history of evers where the Doctor tells River that she is always there to him, and he always listens, and he can always see her.
The reason he didn't speak to her, didn't say her name, didn't tell Clara who she was to him, was because he thought it would hurt too much.
And he was right.
River may have already experienced Darillium with Twelve, but from Eleven's POV, he genuinely believed that his time with River had run its course.
When I lost a dear family member about a decade ago, it took me years before I was able to say her name out loud again. I just realized it now after ruminating on the Doctor's grief and their reticence of mentioning River or saying her name.
It's not because they've moved on fairly quickly even though that seems to be the general consensus. As the poem above aptly described, it is the profound pain and fear the Doctor feels over the probability of never seeing their wife ever again. I only had less than half a decade's worth of memories with my loved one, but it physically pained me to utter her name out loud, even a mere whisper. Now think about the Doctor, who had decades upon decades worth of memories with River Song. How much more would it pain them?
30 notes
·
View notes
secret admirer
859 words
Steve watches a lot of people. He sees girls as their eyes linger on him. He sees some boys do the same.
If Tommy caught them, he’d probably do what he always does; humiliate them, hit them. He’s always been a bit protective of him. Steve doesn’t know why. He’s known Tommy since middle school because their lockers were next to each other since they were assigned alphabetically. It’s been like that every year since then, too.
Sometimes he wonders what his best friend would do if he stopped averting his gaze from places it shouldn’t be yet always strays to.
More and more lately he finds himself watching someone in particular.
Steve has to be careful. He can’t let his gaze linger and he has to make sure his face stays neutral, almost as if he’s looking through him and not at him. He forces himself to laugh when someone cracks a joke about The Freak as if Steve isn’t one himself.
He knows he’s a hypocrite - a coward. He wishes he could be more like Eddie. Just be himself and not care about judgment or criticism.
It’s his biggest dream and greatest fear.
Steve’s seat in the cafeteria conveniently (strategically) puts Eddie directly in his line of sight. Aside from the singular elective they share, it’s the only time Steve gets to see him. He’s only been watching him since school came back after winter break and he’s captivated.
He wishes he had somewhere to expel all of the thoughts he hoards in his brain like a dragon does gold. (Something Steve only knows because he - like a stalker - saw a book Eddie was carrying around for a week or so and checked it out of the library himself as soon as it was available. On the log card inside the cover, E. Munson was written a few times along with some other names.)
He gets an idea on Valentine's Day when he opens his locker after last period and a couple of pieces of paper fall to his feet. Steve watches as Tommy picks one up and coos, “Someone’s got an admirer.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Steve rolls his eyes and snatches the paper. He doesn’t necessarily care what these girls have written to him, but he feels weird letting anyone else see something that was intended for his eyes only.
Tommy only snickers and pats him on the shoulder a few times in approval. Steve puts the valentines in his backpack to look at when he gets home. He zones out as Tommy starts talking again - something about taking Carol Perkins to Benny’s.
At home, Steve reads the cards with a furrowed brow. He doesn’t want to be ungrateful given these girls are putting themselves out there and making a move on someone they like. It’s just.
He feels completely detached from it all. None of the messages are personal. They could have been given to anyone.
He - somewhat guiltily - throws them away.
The next day, Steve excuses himself during morning practice and slips a piece of paper into a beat-up locker.
Eddie
you’re really pretty
i wish i could tell you to your face
-H
He signed the note with his last initial to be a bit more inconspicuous and perhaps give him some plausible deniability lest he be found out. He’s sure he’s being too precautious - paranoid? - but it gives him peace of mind nonetheless. He couldn’t imagine the dreadful things that would happen if someone traced this back to him. He’d have to run away.
He’d have to kill himself.
As much as he wants to, Steve doesn’t hang around Eddie’s locker to see his reaction. Though he does think about it all morning. They don’t have class together until later in the day. When the lunch bell rings, Steve has to force himself to make his way through the halls at an acceptable pace and pats himself on the back when the cafeteria is mostly full when he strides in.
He takes his place at the table where all of the more athletically inclined people tend to congregate and takes a deep breath.
When he chances a look, Eddie is already at the head of his table. He seems quieter than normal. Steve’s always been good at reading people and he can tell the difference between a good quiet and a bad quiet. Eddie’s quiet in a bad way.
He languidly flips through a book with a faraway contemplative look.
Steve looks away with a ghost of a frown on his face.
He tries again the next day.
Eddie
i like your hair
is it as soft as it looks?
p.s. you didn’t look happy yesterday, sorry if it was my fault
-H
That day at lunch, Steve doesn’t look at Eddie as frequently as he usually would, which is unfortunate.
Eddie has taken to scanning the lunchroom with narrowed eyes. His arms are crossed over his chest and despite him being affronted, Steve can’t help but think he’s kinda cute.
He smiles to himself and tries to listen to his friends for once to aid in avoiding Eddie’s gaze.
two
1K notes
·
View notes
I mean this gently but I have to say somethin' here-
I've been getting so much "make your skirts cheaper" "I love this but why are they soooo expensive" etc lately and like look, I know a lot of this is because times are hard.. (otherwise why would I be hearing this more & more this year when prices haven't changed compared to last year) but I just wanna say that one of the only ways I could lower prices (if I was ruthless and didn't care) would be to cut sizing options. Like idk how to word what I'm trying to say, but just know when you shout stuff like this at other brands & they decide they need to find a way to cut costs to lower prices, being size inclusive is gonna be one of the first things to go.
I have no plans to do this myself, but for example, a D Size Skater costs me almost twice as much (talking about only the direct from the manu cost, there are other factors too such as that they weigh more so that adds more shipping costs as well) as an A Size Skater. Say I cut D Size altogether.. and many companies would have by now while also not even lowering the price.. I could increase my profit margins significantly right away. Now lets say I cut both C and D and become a shop that only offers the standard range of SM-XL. Wow! Suddenly profits are up so much!! Or maybe going not full corporate greed, I could handle lowering skater prices by like $10 (random number not based on real math idk what things would actually work out to because I'm not gonna do it). But now no one over a size XL can order from me.
I fear none of what I'm trying to get across is getting across but I just mean to say, in order to offer what I offer, the prices need to be what they are. They aren't set arbitrarily high & lowering them would mean needing to make choices that I will not make (becoming less size inclusive or making my business unsustainable in the sense that it would not survive long).
643 notes
·
View notes
There's one specific aspect of Deadpool & Wolverine that's important in relation to the queerness of Wade/Logan:
The fact that Vanessa isn't single.
I'm not kidding lol
Doesn't seem like people are talking about this so I'm going to be the one to say it I guess!
So… beyond trying to save his world / family, Wade's (flimsy) motivation is indeed partially motivated by Vanessa – or more specifically by things she said to him during their break up. He wants to figure out how he matters or how he can be a hero without being an Avenger, etc.
Shitty as it is that Vanessa is relegated to being a two-dimensional motivation mouthpiece… She and Wade didn't just break up; they tell us immediately that she's seeing another guy. By my memory, Wade never disrespects that, not even jokingly. And the plot isn't framed as a quest to ~win back the girl~ either.
The end scene underlines this too, where [SPOILER] he says he did it for her even if she doesn't want him or whatever the line is. Their little hand touch isn't really a romantic rekindling.
So, what am I getting at?
This all gives weight to Wade's mischievous flirting and (later) built connection with Logan.
If Wade and Vanessa were framed as "taking a break," or if she was still single and he was trying to win her back, the queerness with Logan wouldn't work quite as well. There'd be more room to claim it's an unserious joke.
But Vanessa's moved on.
Wade, taking LOGAN home, did too.
638 notes
·
View notes