#not mad btw just trying to make it crystal clear what my issues are

[communistkenobi]

just to make this long ask less scary ill let u know out the gate that im not really disagreeing with you on anything im kind of just thinking out loud

i think the definition of art is an interesting question to ask but its also just the wrong question to be asking when talking about the politics around ai art. like i dont think it actually matters at all what the definition of art is, even if a Real And True Definition of Art is given to us from the heavens and declared as Real And True, ai art will still be the same and corporations will still be evil about it. its just a dumb hill to die on imo.

i also think something you havent touched on is that art is frequently FUN to create. a common quality people take note of in art is that you can tell the artist had fun making it, and it makes it better, like the viewer can feel the artists delight through the work, and thats largely why people feel that ai art is so soulless. art CAN be a struggle but it also SHOULDNT be. art is something people make because they want to make it, and the entire appeal of ai art is that you dont have to make it.

but also that entire paragraph up there ^ literally has zero relevance to how ai art is indeed very bad in terms of the causes and effects it has within a capitalist society

ai art is fun! I generated image prompts with my friends the other night because one of them was really depressed and we had a great time riffing with each other and experimenting with different prompts. Art can also be made under conditions that are not fun (is professional graphic design fun? Is making art for advertisements fun?) and still be art. A piece of art that genuinely moves me to tears whenever I see it is Feel it Motherfuckers (you can google more about it if you want to read more on it). Not only is this a great example for defending an expansive definition of art, what I get from that piece is not fun but grief, rage, loss, and resistance - there is joy in these things too, but it is not what I take away from it.

like I’m actually just not that interested in this debate beyond the fact that people are being insane reactionaries when trying to define what art is, which is why I’m focusing on it because there are reams of people using “hard work” as the sole criterion by which to judge art. just assume I agree with all the other criticisms of AI art in its current form when talking about this, because my primary issue is that people are using a lack of effort/fun/whatever you want to swap in to say AI art is not “real” art. non-AI art can also be soulless and it’s no less art! This is not a defence of the current industry, this is not a pro-worker exploitation argument (just as defending photography as a medium is not a defence of putting realist painters out of work with “lazy automated images”), I genuinely do not care to defend it or debate that side of it.

[warblogs17282]

So you all remember the 'Gud Job!' sticker from the fourth short right? If Stolas does end up working at I.M.P or whatever, I really think Blitz giving these stickers to Stolas or whatever would be really good for Stolas.

My main reason is because I think Stolas hasn't really been given positive reinforcement much throughout his life, and there's a few examples I can find of that supports this.

A common link with all the examples I can think of is that it reinforces to Stolas that whatever he was doing/did was bad, and that he should stop exhibiting that behavior, something that you notice multiple times if you think about it.

Paimon hitting Stolas:

Easily one of the most notable examples of this, Stolas bows to Blitz, and Paimon takes issue with that because Blitz is an imp, someone near the bottom of the hierarchy, so to 'correct' Stolas' behavior, he hits him in an attempt to reinforce that Stolas shouldn't be bowing to the lower class, that Stolas should stop exhibiting that behavior.

Stella:

Stella was a frequent user of this sort of thing, and it's something we can see in both of her interactions with Stolas in s1 e2 and s2 e1.

Stella is angry in s1 e2 for two reasons, the first being that Stolas having sex with Blitz signals the start of her losing control over Stolas, something she is desperately trying to regain here, and the fact that Stolas slept with an imp, someone who is far below them in the hierarchy. (She is not mad because Stolas committed adultery, she's mad because it was specifically with an imp.)

"You are a goddamn embarrassment!". Stella here tries to paint the fact that Stolas slept with Blitz, an imp, as being embarrassing, which as you can clearly see, is a failed attempt to reinforce what Stolas did was wrong, both sleeping with an imp and announcing that he's going to divorce Stella in front of her and some of her friends, and she does this to try and recover the rapidly deteriorating situation, to once again get Stolas to stay in line, because her control she had over Stolas is disappearing, and she obviously wants to maintain as much control over Stolas as she can possibly have. Plus, considering that her attempts to regain her control over Stolas failed, the next step was just to eliminate Stolas entirely, by hiring Striker to kill Stolas in her incredibly short-sighted plan.

"What do you think the rest of the Goetia family will think?". What do you think the rest of the Goetia family and Andrealphus will think of Stolas divorcing her, is what she's saying in that scene. This is another failed attempt to get Stolas to call off the divorce, using the Goetia family and Andrealphus to what I see as Stella subtly threatening Stolas into calling off the divorce, to try and reinforce to Stolas that the divorce is a bad idea, because Stella loses any chance of getting her control over Stolas back if they aren't married.

(Just be to clear, obviously Stolas is in the complete right here, before anyone takes this as me bashing Stolas when I'm not doing that at all.)

The S1 E7 car scene:

We all know what the arc that this scene started up for Stolas, the one where Stolas goes to get an Asmodean Crystal for Blitz, so that Stolas can 'free' Blitz from the arrangement they have, which is very clearly shown in s2 e8 song, "No need for an arrangement, it can just be him and me, I'll set us free" and "He deserves the choice to stay or go, though it scares me to think what I'd lose…". Plus, we all know the line that started that whole arc off as well, "Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time.", reinforcing to Stolas that the arrangement they have is a bad thing for a few reasons, and that Stolas should 'free' Blitz from the arrangement.

(I am also not bashing Blitz in this post as well btw, and obviously the arrangement had to go, I'm just using that as an example because it fits with the overall point I'm trying to make, I'm not claiming at all that the arrangement was a good idea long-term on Stolas' part.)

Finally, the s2 e8 argument:

Just like overall, what happened here just straight up confirmed Stolas' fears and doubts, with one of the examples of this being that Blitz hates him because of the arrangement, which in turn just reinforces to Stolas that him trying to have an actual relationship with Blitz was a giant mistake, which happened the moment Blitz came to the conclusion that this was all just one giant roleplay, with everything else that happened after that point just rubbing it in to Stolas.

(I am still not bashing anyone at all btw)

So, I believe that all of these examples that I have listed show the point I made at the start of this post, that being quote 'that it reinforces to Stolas that whatever he was doing/did was bad, and that he should stop exhibiting that behavior'. Which seems to be one of the only kinds of behavioral reinforcement Stolas has ever gotten in his life, looking at all of the examples.

Personally, I think positive reinforcement would work wonders for Stolas, because Stolas is very much trying to be a better person, but having to do that basically all on his own, and Stolas having some positive reinforcement in his life, such as the gud job stickers for example, would really help Stolas to become a better person, since the positive reinforcement would help to guide him. Which is why I think the gud job stickers would work so well for Stolas.

Plus, as an autistic person, I can attest to the fact that positive reinforcement can be quite effective. In school when I was like 9 to 11, we had this thing called 'golden time' (it was basically 20 minutes at an end of a friday where we basically got to do whatever we wanted), and the school saw that taking time away from me for bad behavior wasn't really working, so they put me on a positive reinforcement system, where I'd start at 0 minutes and gain time for showing good behaviors throughout the week, like doing my work to a good standard for example.

[amigac0debasic13]

inhaling so heavily so so heavily,, hey guys its me im back. ninjago. This is just a huge rant about me HATING how trauma is handled in this show. ignore this if you do not want to see my HORRORS.

WHY. IS TRAUMA NOT A FUCKING THING IN THIS STUPID ASS SHOW. Im on another rewatch because im FUCKING INSANE but it drives me actually mad that there are so many downright horrific things that happen to these characters that are just NEVER addressed. lets talkabout the fucking first one that caught my eye when I was first watching the show!!! Im basically going from least infuriating to most infuriating, im trying to cut this show some slack but dear god. !!WHY IS COLE OKAY MAN. HE LITERALLY DIEEED. HE TURNED INTO A GHOST. listen Iknow ninjago death means nothing, and im going to talk about that too but he literally could have ceased to exist if he so much as touched water. after he got his body back, why was this never FUCKING mentioned. I think. if I was in a perpetual state of being horrified my existence would amount to nothing and id just stop BEING when I touched some clear shit coming out of my sink id be pretty scarred for life. I loved possession man, but this happened to TWO CHARACTERS. TWOOO. AND THE OTHER CHARACTER IS LLOYD. lets not even MENTION that hes been exploited the moment everyone found out he was a green ninja, and before that a bunch of grown ass people were bullying a CHILD WHO IS ACTUALLY HOMELESS, lets talk about how his fucking body was taken over by Morro while he ALSO worries about his DAD BEING STUCK IN THE FUCKING UNDERWORLD. IM LOSING IT. IM LOSSINGG ITT. On a smaller note, MISAKO ABANDONED LLOYD. KILL HER. I am the hashtag misako hater garmadon deserves better. The show made no attempt for them to bond or try to make amends for what happened when Lloyd was a kid, she barely appears at all really and it just makes me fucking despise her. ALSO MORRO. this kid. reminding you, CHILD, fucking died in a cave. the cave we SAW in the pilot, if i remember right which is FUCKING INSANE>,,?? we SEE HIS SKELETON. THAT IS A CHILDS SKELETON. never mentioned again after episode 8 I don't think. now the MEAT. THE MEATT. whatever the FUCK went on with garmadon after he got resurrected. They actually did cover this a bit with how Lloyd acted around garmadon, but crystalized also sucked ass and really gave us nothing on how Garmadon felt about this. on god im so sick that hes so normal shaped in crystalized too, He was literally growling with every breath in sons of garmadon why is he normal now. Its been years, i get it. also the Garmadon comic. but he SHOULDNT be a normal person whos just an asshole, I want him to be feral okay?? ok??? I am playfully gesturing to Devils Horns by TeuthidaRegina (did i spell that right. idk man. Its a super fucking good fanfic.)

ALSO Vinnys apartment is very inaccurate there should be scratch marks on the walls and then they should kiss. ANYWAYS Besides this, Lloyd being mad at Garmadon was really all we got for how *he* was effected by his once loving father now randomly coming back with his ribs exposed and only being able to say like. 3 words. and also him immediately trying to kill Lloyd. I feel like we should have gotten a LOT more man. Now this isn't really a problem with the show (Its a huge problem in crystalized but that's a given) but more a problem with the fandom, so that's why I'm putting it at the end. this does not hold relevancy over garmadon becoming a BEAST. (also garmadon becoming a beast is the best thing that ever happened in this show btw. you all are wrong and he should have been animalistic from the beginning. still nice. but he should have also growled. all the time.) My issue is with how people portray harumi. I already had my Harumi spout in a post I made earlier, but I only mentioned the toxicity of the ship with her and Lloyd a little bit. Let us THINK BACK on how she literally feels nothing for Lloyd at all. He was a stepping stone in getting Garmadon back, and she probably straight up hates him. She pretends to like him to manipulate him into helping her resurrect garmadon ok?? do we understand?? Ive seen actual tags on AO3 that say "no harumi hate here" and I am so done. all the harumi hate. dont FUCKING talk to me if you want to justify the downright horrendous things shes done. That ship is toxic as hell and Lloyd is downright being abused AGAIN for like the FIVE BILLIONTH TIME IN HIS LIFE. I dont care man. shes an abusive bitch. i HATE HER. Crystalized made the worst fucking decision trying to justify her and I genuinely hate whoever thought that was a good and right decision to make. If she comes back in dragons rising i hope she dies AGAIN, but Im honestly rooting for them to ignore crystalized's existence. Now finally, this is the absolute peak of how Ninjago shittily handles trauma. the ICE EMPEROR. Zane was stuck in a fucking hellscape of a realm for like. what was it. EIGHTY YEARS??? he went fucking mad man, he turned into a bloodthirsty tyrant during that time. and when this seasons conflict was fixed with the "power of friendship" the show literally mentions that the ice emperor is STILL INSIDE ZANES NOGGIN. AND WHAT DOTHEY DOO?? THEY MAKE IT INTO A FUCKING JOKE. its honestly almost disgusting to me how they handled it, Zane has DIED BEFORE. that's bad. he should have trauma. BUT Zane LITERALLY HAS A BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER IN HIS FUCKING HEAD. DO NOT JOKE ABOUT THIS SHIT. ACTUALLY. HE SHOULD HAVE SOME RELUCTANCE TO USING HIS POWERS OR SOMETHING, ANYTHING MAN. HE KILLLED AN ENTIRE RACEE. Genuinely this is one of my favorite shows, and I love adding onto the shaky ass plot and making it better, but I cannot DEAL with this. Im going to throw in the shit that happened in the spinjitzu brothers book, because oh my god Wu and Garmadon should be fucked up with all the stuff they have had to deal with for like. 5 thousand years. but its fine. its okay. its the book series. I wont mention it. (that book series is so good please release the final book please) ((I LOVE wu and garmadon they are some of my favorite characters in the ENTIRE series im blinking my eyes at you. please go indepth on those two. also give Wu a dragon form, or an Oni form, or literally anything he IS NOT HUMAN.) Also if anyone tells me im ignoring skybound its because I do not need to say anything about skybound. we all know what happened. we ALLL know what the fuck they did to Nya. and fucking. mister possibly a pedo creep man who does not care about consent. I dont even remember his name thats how bad I hate him .

[swimmingleo]

Harry Styles and Two Loves - A love that dare not speak its name.

‼️Disclaimer I am in no way an English literature expert or student for that matter and can barely organize my thoughts but I’ll try my best. If something doesn’t make sense or is regretful thinking please tell me‼️

Basically Harry is a fervent reader that does not limit himself to Buk*wski and Mur*kami though for some reason he loves to bring up those dudes. Queer literature seems to play a big role when it comes to his inspiration and I love that about his music. A good example is his Shakesqueer Sweet Creature madness. But another one that I hold close to my heart are the parallels he draws with Alfred Douglas’ poem, Two Loves.

Here is the full poem. Give it a read if you can because I won't break it down verse by verse for this post sorry :(

To make it short, the poem is about the narrator (let's say Douglas) wandering in a garden where he meets a young man that turns out to be his lover. For context, Alfred Douglas was very much queer and in a romantic relationship with Oscar Wilde. Both developed their own coded language to express their love and ''sexual tendencies'' through their art (been this way foreverrr will we ever leaarn). However they were not always so sneaky about it and Two Loves in particular was so in your face that it was used against Wilde to prove his homosexuality in trial. He did get away with it this time. Here is his defense. Blueprint of denials. No iPhones at the time.

In Two Loves, two different personifications of love introduce themselves to Douglas and his lover:

The first love is loud and cheerful and sings about pretty women and men that love the said pretty women.

The second love is discreet, almost erased by the other’s presence but is beautiful and draws the attention of the narrator.

Obviously the first love is Heterosexuality, the one that is openly praised by society and the second is Homosexuality who is bullied into silence by Heterosexuality if he tries to speak. The poem ends with Homosexuality saying "I am the love that dare not speak its name." Yeah. And isn’t that the story of H’s career.

HS1 opens with MMITH which ends on "We don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do". And from there follows SOTT, "We don’t speak enough". And right after we get the very loud, very explicit and very well documented Carolina. So far the album narration goes "There is something painful going on but we can’t talk about it, I say ‘we’ because there is a you and I and yeeEEAAH THIS GIRL I MET ONCE GETS A WHOLE SONG THE WORLD DESERVES TO KNOW HOW GOOD SHE FEELS FOR A LADDY LAD LIKE ME ALSO HER NAME IS TOWNES YOU CAN CHECK FOR YOURSELF SEE IF SHES REAL I LOVE REAL WOMEN AS IN WOMEN THAT EXIST". Heterosexuality is loud and sings about pretty women right.

But then, THEN we get Two Ghosts. Which is the center piece of this whole post. I mean, the title... Two Ghosts//Two Loves Two hearts in one home ? Sick.

The parallel that hits the most is the physical description that is made of Douglas’ lover and of Homosexuality (which are technically two different characters in the poem).

Douglas’ lover / Homosexuality

Same lips red / Same eyes blue / Same white shirt

Red were his lips / His lips were red / His eyes were clear as crystal / His large eyes were strange with wondrous brightness / White as the snow / His cheeks were wan and white

In Douglas’ poem, it is meant to be understood that the young boy he meets first, his lover, is related to Homosexuality through their physical appearance. Douglas’ love is therefore inherently queer. With Two Ghosts, I’ve always wondered why Harry chose specifically to point out a white shirt as it comes across a bit generic and not really personal yk? But if you compare it to Two Loves, it checks out the recurrent descriptive color scheme: red, blue and white. In both works, red are the lips, blue are the eyes, and white is the ~envelopp. RIGHT. I suppose Harry didn’t feel like describing his lover with pale white skin since it’s brown with lemon over ice when under summer skies so he went with a plain white shirt instead.

I’m not going through a whole analysis of Two Ghosts yet I can safely say that it deals with unspoken words. Not saying things is a recurrent theme in H’s songwriting but within the album, Two Ghosts is the first song that deals with it through the undeniable prism of romantic love. Right before with Carolina, H had no issue being straightforward and wanted to "scream and shout it out", but with Two Ghosts he’s tongue tied and doesn’t say what he really means. Communication issues go on with the following track Sweet Creature, btw may I just:

But oh, Sweet Creature (!), Sweet Creature

Would he […] cry "O sweet creature!", Othello

I cried "Sweet youth…, Two Loves

Queer Literaturry is going wild(e).

Expanding this post with Sweet Creature allows me to speak about the garden metaphor. In lyric poetry, the expression of emotions is often done through nature. It is a process that Harry seems pretty fond of when singing about love (ie Olivia, Adore You, WS, Canyon Moon and Sunflower are good examples) but it’s way more subtle with TG and SC. In Two Ghosts, nature is the moon, and in Sweet Creature it’s the garden.

Would you look at that, Two Loves happens to combine both:

Moon dances over your good side and this was all we used to need, Two Ghosts

Running through the garden oh where nothing bothered us, Sweet Creature

Flowers that were stained with moonlight / Alone in this fair garden, till he came unasked by night, Two Loves

For Harry, the night is where the moon enhances his lover’s beauty, when it’s just the two of them and they need nothing more than each other. The garden is where they run (free?away?), once again alone, unbothered. For Douglas, Homosexuality took form and began to occupy the garden at night, while Heterosexuality who thrives in the golden light (um I- nvm) wasn’t paying attention.

It is also interesting to note that Homosexuality is associated with the night but also with death. And he’s super pale. So like… A ghost ? ANYWAY.

The garden in Two Loves is where love happens, it is a piece of heaven. It’s elevated on a hill and untamed with flowers of various colors growing everywhere. There is sunshine and moonlight, there are "pools that dreamed" and by pools I assume the author means vernal pools which are habitats where flowers grow and oh look over there:

Nice ruffles on that white shirt by the way. Very Victorian.

Two Ghosts, 2017 Mularry so true

So yeah. I don’t want to go into full analysis mode but I find it all interesting. Once again, Two Loves holds a great significance regarding the Oscar Wilde’s lore, and Harry is probably very familiar with anything Wilde related (don’t even start) and by that I think about the Carnation business.

I’ll just conclude with that quote from Maurice by E.M Forster whom I love very much:

"I am an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort."

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 5

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be lots of Viren deets, Best Boy Soren deets, some writing/continuity stuff, worldbuilding appreciation and half of a theory, Detective Rayla, Moon Temple geeking, Claudium and dark magic, and more!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

(I know for darn sure that I wrote up a post for chapter 4, but I can't find it anywhere so I guess Tumblr ate it and I'll have to redo it at some point, but today is not that day)

Viren, my evil dude, my bad guy, coming in clutch with the worldbuilding and backstory again! If you want to know decades of information, you gotta talk to Viren. Or read his scenes, at least. Here, he seems to not sleep much when he has a big problem to analyze his way through. Solutions trump pretty much everything else in this guy's life, and he's had a really hard week with a lot of new and complicated problems. Of course he's getting sleep-deprived trying to find his way through them all.

Harrow put so much trust in Viren when he made him High Mage! He just threw himself extra hard at that Lady Justice blindfold, didn't he? Didn't really want to see what Viren was doing in his magic study, so he left Viren to his devices. And Viren has a lot of devices.

Also, this is fascinating: Viren made the secret passage to his "less official study" in Katolis Castle! And he was inspired to do so by the way his own mentor kept the Puzzle House. What else could a Puzzle House be, except a place with secret passages? Yay! secret headcanon that "the Puzzle House" is just "Katolis Castle" from Kid Viren's perspective tho

So either Viren built all of those passageways, or at least the ones to his dungeon. Which means he has to have, or know where to get, a stash of those glowing blue Moonshadow crystals. Hmmm.

I can't wait to learn more about Kpp'Ar and young Viren, btw. From this description of Viren and all his literal secret ways, it feels like another parallel between Viren and Runaan, with the whole "secretive paths, members only, insider knowledge" type stuff. Only the really cool members of this cult club get to know the secrets, and guess what, kid, you're cool now but you can never tell anyone, okay? Our secret.

Yeahhh, that'll never backfire in any way for either of them.

Kpp'Ar calling puzzles and secrets "man-made magic," though. Yes sir, knowledge is indeed power.

This chapter mentions Runaan by name, from Viren's perspective. Generally that would imply that Viren knows his name, even though assassins do not share their names, and Runaan didn't seem to give his to Viren in the first book. However, there was a scene in book one where the last paragraph switched perspective from Viren to Runaan - a technique that's very common in visual media like movies and shows and gives you that "ohoho they left the room and didn't notice this, but you do!" vibe. Using Runaan's name there in book one, where Viren couldn't see it but readers could, helps them keep track of the assassin's story arc while maintaining Viren's racism.

So in book two, in which Runaan has no onscreen scenes (alas), using his name in a scene that calls back to the events in book one helps us remember what happened in that dungeon cell. It would be a bit muddier to recall the specifics if Viren kept thinking about Runaan as "Elf." So I'm cool with the perspective nudge because it serves a narrative purpose: clarity. But I'm also enjoying the angst of considering that, somehow, Viren learned Runaan's name either during or after the coining spell. Mwa ha ha haaa. (Obligatory "Keep my pretty name outta your mouth" goes here)

Okay, back to Viren's scheming! He took the mirror because it was human-sized in a dragon lair. He knew it didn't really fit there, and that made it interesting, so he stole it. But he realized it was really powerful when Runaan wouldn't tell him squat about it - the assassin's instinct to protect Xadian secrets from human hands meant that Viren was holding a very powerful Xadian secret. And that just made him want it all the more. Ah, Runaan, if only your relationship with lying was, like, the exact opposite of what it is. Nyx could've spun Viren a believable tale in 2 minutes flat.

Also of interest: Viren considers his cursed coins to be a final fate. He expects Runaan to remain in his coin forever. With the Chekhov's coins still extant in the storyline, we can assume that they'll come up again eventually, but Viren has no current plans to do anything with his elf money except carry it around.

It's worth noting that Viren admits that he got impatient when he trapped Runaan in the coin. Runaan's first fate in Katolis was supposed to be death at Soren's hands, but Claudia "saved" him from that. His next fate was to become spell components, but Viren's frustration with his stubbornness "saved" him from that fate, too. So now he's in a coin, where no one can chop him up at all. Yay? No, boo!

We get one last line about Runaan before Viren shifts gears: he makes a point of noting for us that Runaan's shackles are still locked shut. However much of Runaan made it into that coin - body, soul, hair care products - he was magicked there, pulled right out of his restraints.

The creepy black liquid that Viren pours right into his eyes is the last of a powerful potion he got from Kpp'Ar, and its recipe is ancient! Humans used it back in the age of Elarion to see through the illusions of the world. And we get a delightfully creepy bit of description about the preparation of this serum, which makes it abundantly clear that it's a Moon magic-based concoction, harvested from eyeless vipers on a moonless night, with the threat of irrevocable madness ("madness" by whose definition, though) if it's done wrong-

Hang on. Hold up. This is a Plato's Cave reference. OH MY GOD.

No no I'm fine, this is brilliant. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't figure why there was so much description for a potion prep that Viren didn't even have to perform himself. But now I get it. I see the light. HA. I should make a separate post for this, it's amazing.

Anyway, for reference, the humans who used this serum were called the Oracles of Ophidia, and Ophidia is a taxonomy group that includes all modern snakes. Can you say "creepy ancient snake rites"? I can! Woo!

Viren activates the serum with a spell, but apparently he's never done it before. He's not sure if it's supposed to be hot and bubbly, and he worries that it's been tainted by moonlight.

Oh, I do hope so.

The magic potion hurts, a lot. Viren will do just about anything, to himself or anyone, to do what he believes is necessary. He just risked madness and blindness to find out what this mirror does! Viren. Can you just. Take a nap or something. Have a Snickers.

This chapter gives us a fun clue that I don't remember from the show: when Viren's vision clears and he can see, his reflection has white pupils and the room reflected in the mirror has inverted colors. You know where else has inverted colors?

You know who else got white pupils for a hot second?

Okay, now it makes sense! Viren and Lujanne were both seeing into the realm beyond life and death. Him with his moon magic potion, and her with her moon powers on a full moon night at the Moon Nexus. Which is Very Interesting! Is it a direct hint about Aaravos's location, or just a separate cool detail? Orrr, does it look like a direct hint because Aaravos is actually trapped in the world beyond life and death, but it's actually separate and we'll see something about white pupils again later on?

Viren really does have self-esteem issues, we all picked up on it with his rant at his reflection. He throws a fit when he catches himself wondering if he's actually worthless. In the book version of his tantrum, he shoves the mirror and hurls a candelabra instead of flipping a table. He didn't need to shove the mirror to set the fire, but it's in here. Foreshadowing that perhaps, if push comes to shove, Viren will choose himself over Aaravos? Giving Aaravos time to peek through and see that the coast is clear?

Soren, my boyyyyy. He has a rough night at the Moon Nexus because two sides of him are fighting with each other. He struggles to understand Callum's friendship with Rayla, and he also fantasizes about chopping off Rayla's head. One of these is a pretty ordinary thing to do. The other is Soren's internalization of what he needs to do to gain his father's approval. If he brought his dad a chopped off elf head every week, he'd probably feel a lot more confident because Viren would praise him a lot more.

Okay, okay, omg, is it just me, or does the "Moonshadow Madness" story, as it's told in the book, seem like Soren just doesn't know what a monsterfucker is? He thinks an elf bite puts humans under a spell. But vampires are sexy, and some people want them to do more to them than just bite them. A passionate kiss under the moonlight could look very bitey, especially if one of the participants has horns and you're already culturally trained to hate them. No yeah, I'm already headcanoning an actual human-elf kiss that got misunderstood by an observer long ago.

it's Lujanne isn't it, we all know, because what is a love spell but a sweet soft illusion, I mean how else does she get supplies for her Caldera, I ask you, and also Corvus was totally sent to investigate once and he told Soren at camp what he saw

And then back to magefam angst: Soren pretending that his sister's nose-tapping is stupid, even though he actually thinks it's cool, just because their dad thinks it's stupid. Viren, istg. Let your kids like harmless things. It's so cute that Soren taps his nose back at her, though! Like they have their own sibling code. I hope we get to see the nose tap again, especially now that they've chosen different sides. It could mean so much, that they're not too far apart yet.

Rayla knows what buttery pancakes smell like. I love this. Do Moonshadow elves have butter and pancakes, does Rayla eat a stack of eight giant pancakes in the morning? Orrrr it is just illusion food? I don't care, let Rayla have pancakes! Everyone loves pancakes. Pancakes will save the world. this message brought to you by the fact that I can't eat pancakes rn, send help

I love that Rayla is both sus of the pancakes and hungry, and that combines into a very motivated "I will get to the bottom of this" attitude. She kind of goes into Poirot Mode when she inserts herself into Soren and Ellis's conversation about Ava, explaining about the wolf's illusion leg and segueing into her claim that the pancakes taste sus. Claudia confirms she used dark magic, and Rayla is furious. It's different than the show's version in that it puts Rayla in detective mode, as the only Moonshadow elf in the scene, and boy does she take that role seriously. Also, she doesn't actually swallow the dark magic pancake bite. It ends up on the ground just like Lujanne's grubs from that earlier meal. These poor kids are so nutrient-starved. You guys gotta eat!!

Rayla's determination and prejudices and the fact that she super knows Harrow is dead all dovetail to make her try repeatedly to persuade Callum that Soren and Claudia are Not To Be Trusted. It's nice that the book keeps taking the time to point out that Rayla is Well Intentioned But Flawed, just like Callum and pretty much every other character in the show. No one is Right All The Time, no one Knows More Than Everyone Else.

Callum loving the sound of Claudia's unique voice is so wholesome. When you like someone, it only makes sense that you like all the things about them that they can't change - like the sound of Claudia's voice. Her choices with dark magic, not so much!

Claudia seems to have the same concerns Soren does about Callum's relationship with Rayla, but she comes out and asks him. The inherent possession implied in "your elf" is interesting, though. Elves are not people to Claudia. They're enemies who can be disassembled for the magic inside them. So maybe more like robots than living beings, if she knew what a robot was. Maybe she heard Soren's "Moonshadow Madness" story and realized he totally missed the kissing implications - but she didn't, and now she's genuinely worried that Rayla could kiss Callum under a full moon and enchant him to do her will. Good thing it's only a half moon, then!

Okay, Callum nervously making a puppet hand and then not knowing what to do with his hands and freaking out about itching and moving and pointy elbows is such a ND mood. The sudden stress of knowing that someone else is noticing your existence and maybe you're Not Existing Right, amirite? Ugh, poor Callum.

The Moon Temple! Omg it's so pretty in the description! Made to be beautiful and useful, full of knowledge but also allowing light and life inside (butterflies and vines). Lujanne, when can I move in, please? Also, it's all the more angsty because Lujanne is the only one who gets to see this beautiful place, but it has lots of chairs and shelves and tables, and it was meant to be used by lots of people. :(((

Claudia knows some of the runes on the walls. She isn't in a hurry to copy the rest of them down or anything, either. Her spellwriting is very precise, and she's a skilled mage. Her father would have made sure she was aware of the dangers of drawing sloppy runes, as much as he made her aware of the dangers of doing dark magic wrong. And the whole point of dark magic is that it's easier to learn than primal magic. Claudia supports her dad and their shared knowledge and life path. She's not gonna go nuts over an elf library she can't translate.

Side note: Between Claudia knowing some Moon runes and Viren building a secret passageway and a dungeon and lighting it with the same blue crystals that Lujanne and Ethari use for light--and Claudia exclaiming that she loves ruins--I wonder once more if there are really Moonshadow ruins somewhere in Katolis, which Viren has found and looted. Father-daughter relic hunting trip, maybe while Soren is away at camp? Omgsh that would be so wild!

Callum out here having a Viren moment with his "I feel powerless unless I've got magic that lets me help" vibes. God. I love their complicated mirroring. One of the hard differences between them is that Callum is very sure dark magic is bad because you have to kill stuff and take its power to cast spells, and he doesn't want to be a person who kills and takes like that. The line he walks to be nice to Claudia on their tour of the Cursed Caldera because he likes her, while telling her that he doesn't want to do her magic, like, ever, is so fine that it might as well be a shifting shadow on the ground. It's a very fitting conversation to be having during the half moon, with its tricks and little white lies.

Callum being out of the castle and his comfort zone, having to deal with the fact that the Claudia he loves is not quite the Claudia who's chasing him down across the kingdom, but of the two of them, he's the only one with a problem with this.

They say that if you really want to get to know someone, you should spend time with them outside their comfort zone - in heavy traffic, with a small baby, taking care of a new pet, trying a new skill, following unfamiliar directions, etc. While the castle is familiar territory for them both, Callum's never really found his comfort zone yet, while Claudia is pretty comfortable with her growing skill set. The creepy part starts to kick in when Callum begins to realize that Claudia's comfort zone encompasses a whole bunch of stuff that seems like it should make her uncomfortable... but it doesn't. But that'll be for a future chapter!

[secret-engima]

Some Ardyn DLC and Plot Thoughts

Okay randomest thing but have I ever talked about how the Ardyn DLC heavily implies that Ardyn is not in control of his own actions?

Maybe this is a me thing, or alternatively a thing Everyone Has Already Talked About but like- think about it. A plea for insanity could already be made and won because he was strung up by meathooks for 2k years in total isolation with only the plague known to turn humans into screaming mindless monsters i his head for company. But when we first see him post being broken out of Angelgard, when he’s talking to Besithia and stuff, the revenge plot is ALL Besithia’s idea. It’s clear Ardyn is bitter, but he’s not- vengeful. He’s quiet, disinterested, very clearly depressed (and for good reason) and frankly gets ANNOYED by Besithia’s constant hamfisted “Oh you must want revenge on the people who hurt you, you just MUST want to kill those people who are conveniently my country’s worst enemies DON’T YOU.” Every time Besithia says/implies that sort of thing Ardyn either reacts in annoyance or says something to try to make Besithia drop it.

And then the fight with the Lucians happen. And Ardyn starts hallucinating them as SOMNUS. Somnus who taunts him, Somnus who attacks him. The focal point of his restrained bitterness dragged to life, ripping open the already unhealed mental wound and making it 100 times worse, making him even more mentally vulnerable.

Then, THEN.

Ifrit happens. Ardyn daemonifies Ifrit out of pure defensive desperation and is granted visions and then, THEN he suddenly starts laughing and swearing vengeance on the Lucis Caelum line.

Also in that DLC, a little bit later in fact, we’re told that daemonifying people transfers things to him. Memories. Knowledge. Names.

Is it that far of a jump to assume that it transfers emotions too?

What a coincidence then, that it’s only after Ardyn daemonifies (and thus receives some kind of data transfer from) the Infernian, the immortal Astral who hates humanity enough to kill them all, who hates Bahamut for being the one to strike him down, who has had thousands of years to stew in his hatred and spite toward both, that Ardyn decides to get revenge. Not by just going and killing the Lucis Caelums, which he could totally do considering his powers, oh no. He goes on an elaborate, years long scheme that will not only kill the Lucis Caelums, but will kill the Oracles (who hold Bahamut’s blessing), and kill the Chosen King (who also holds Bahamut’s blessing) before he can fulfill Bahamut’s vaunted Prophecy. A plot that will by extension will kill all humanity.

Humanity, Bahamut’s beloved Prophecy, and both of the lines that hold Bahamut’s blessing. Basically a plan to lash out at both all humanity and Bahamut specifically. You know, the two things Ifrit hates the most.

It’s also spectacularly convenient that Ardyn lashes out against those infiltrating Lucians, but only after they start the fight and after he starts hallucinating Somnus. But you know, it’s not like we have evidence that being infected with Starscourge causes personalized hallucinations tailored toward the infected’s most emotional memory/fixation point. Pshh. That would be like seeing other daemons cling to their strongest emotion and hallucinate their fixation point in place of the actual people in front of them. Like a Naga stealing a random human because she was convinced this was her long lost baby and then going ham on the humans who came to rescue aka “steal” their not-naga-baby buddy.

Oh wait.

There’s also the fact that the flashbacks in the DLC to Somnus are .... weird. Vague. They don’t match UP to the anime special episode (which does not take place from Ardyn’s POV but an outsider’s that bounces from Ardyn to Somnus to Aera btw) that got released about Ardyn. All the other anime episode specials matched mostly to what the game implies (to my knowledge) but in the anime episode the confrontation between Ardyn and Somnus is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. It’s in a throne room rather than a field, in front of a crowd instead of just Aera and Somnus, Gilgamesh is there attacking the Chosen King alongside Somnus (which handily explains why he was cursed to live in the Tempering Grounds or whatever), and Ardyn crawls up to the Crystal and is rejected, at which point he has a sword driven through his heart (“So, that is how you would end it” indeed) and then presumably chained up in Angelgard when it turns out he can’t die.

Like- I GET that the development team was having some ... issues around that time and a lot of plot stuff probably got scrapped after all the other DLC was canceled (just look at Dawn of the Future and how Ardyn’s two dialogue options in the Bahamut convo were CLEARLY supposed to be the lead up to either the canon ending or the alternate ending but go scrapped and instead are just ... the same ending cutscene starting a little differently) and one of their Important People left the FFXV project altogether but like ... really? You couldn’t either put the anime episode in the field in a private betrayal or put the DLC flashbacks in a throne room with Gilgamesh in the corner?

Then there’s the entire Thing where Regis MEETS Ardyn as the Adagium and yet makes no reference or hints or even unease at seeing the immortal daemon that nearly killed him in the Kingsglaive movie that is set years after Ardyn tries to murder Regis’s face.

Basically what I’m going for here is that in the Ardyn DLC, anything post the Ifrit’s daemonification (and possibly before) is not reliable. Ardyn is not a reliable narrator, and he’s VERY LIKELY not nearly as in control of his own actions as he thinks he is.

Does this completely excuse his actions (like murdering Luna, daemonifying Ravus, making us CHASE PROMPTO AND NEARLY STAB OUR OWN BEST FRIEND BEFORE YEETING HIM OFF A TRAIN, etc?) absolutely not. It’s just- it’s just this Thing I noticed the first time I watched the Ardyn DLC and then the anime episode forever ago and that I’m finally sitting down to ramble about. I genuinely don’t think Ardyn is entirely in control of his actions. I think it’s the Scourge that makes hallucinations tailored to fixation points/things with intense emotion tied to it (love for a child, hate for a betrayer sibling, greed for a magic crystal) and the anger of a centuries upon centuries old Astral that never got his revenge finally pushing Ardyn over the edge that he’d been clinging to for centuries. I don’t know how much an insanity plea factors into stuff like blame and penalty so I won’t offer an opinion on that specific spot. These are just ... some thoughts that hit me.

Also there’s the entire implications I first felt were there when playing the original game that it was awfully convenient that the game’s ending and our supposed victory is actually Ardyn’s plan coming to fruition: the death of the entire Lucis Caelum line and the Chosen King (both of them) that conveniently also ends his suffering as an immortal daemon that keeps coming back after gruesome deaths but I think I’ve made enough of a rambling fool of myself on the internet today so thank you and good day.

ALSO ALSO HOW CONVENIENT IS IT THAT THE SCIENTIST WHO DUG HIM UP AND HAD IFRIT THERE TO BE INFECTED ENDS UP BEING DRIVEN MAD BY ARDYN’S LIES AND DIES BECOMING THE SAME THING HE PRAISED ARDYN TO BE: A DAEMONIC MONSTER WITH AT LEAST MOST OF A MAN’S MIND. HOW CONVENIENT. HOW “COINCIDENTAL”.

[crazynekochan]

Omegaverse Fantasy/Steampunk-ish AU: Kazuichi, Hajime, Mikan, Chiaki, Nekomaru, Imposter, Sonia, Fuyuhiko, Mahiru, and Teruteru are all working/travelling on a newly built flying passenger ship as part of the ship’s maiden voyage over a mostly uncharted continent to get to a major city on the other side because Sonia, Imposter, and Fuyuhiko are working as diplomats and Mahiru is a reporter recording everything for her readers (despite being the designer of the ship, Kazuichi is just /suffering/ here and spending most of the journey below deck, whimpering in misery whenever the ship hits turbulence).

While the ship is going through a patch of storm, it suddenly gets hit with a massive surge of lightning and crashes into the forest below, miraculously leaving all the crew unharmed (albeit scattered into groups of 1 or 2 around the landing site and all unconscious) and the ship fully functional with the exception of all the fuel (magical crystals that conducted electricity through them to operate the ship) being either spent or rendered non-functional.

They all wake up in a big old temple, all tied to each other in a circle, with Hajime, Kazuichi, and Fuyuhiko in the front, facing the back of the hall. At the front of the room, a group of young people in old-fashioned clothes are arguing with an elder in slightly more modern clothes in a language that no one understands, not even Sonia, but they can all tell that the argument is referring to them and the elder does not look very happy.

The group of young people are Nagito, Gundham, Ibuki, Hiyoko, Peko, Kyoko, and Akane, who were heading into the temple near the forest to do a “find your true love” ceremony when they heard a huge crash just a few minutes away from them. They all ran to check and found the ship crashed into a clearing with everyone on board unconscious and either still in the ship or scattered around. The group brought them to the temple to ask the elder, Jin, what they should do about them, since the last time newcomers came was when a young Jin and his baby daughter Kyoko ended up lost in the jungle on an expedition.

Everyone but Akane and Hiyoko has already fallen in love with one of the castaways (Ibuki fell in love with both Chiaki and Mikan) and they think that this is a sign that they should keep them as gifts from the gods. Jin is much more cautious since these people just crash landed and they could be confused and violent and he’s really grown to get attached to these kids (they’re all functional exiles from the main tribes either because of magical abilities (Gundham and Ibuki), odd appearances that suggest malicious witchcraft (Hiyoko and Peko), issues with their family debts (Akane and her many sibilings), perceived cursed nature (Nagito) or not being from any of the tribes in the area (the Kirigiris)) and doesn’t want them hurt.

Kyoko notices that the group is all awake and let’s the arguers know, which stops the argument for the time being. Jin tells the crash group everything that they need to know (the crash and discovery, why they’re all tied up, where they are (a forest near the coast of the uncharted continent), etc.). When Kazuichi asks about how their ship is, since they need to fix it to continue their journey or at least to get to civilization, Jin decides to have them all taken to the crash site, with the natives keeping an eye on them (everyone with a crush is mostly using it as an excuse to stay near their crushes) so Kazuichi could inspect it himself.

Kazuichi declares the ship pretty much functional but almost completely useless except for shelter and the remaining food and medicine because all of the fuel is just gone, which makes everyone who crashed upset.

Jin offers to let them all stay at their mini-village for the time being, since they can’t get back to their regular lives right away. After some deliberation, they all accept but not before removing all their stuff from the ship because Kazuichi’s not super sure that it won’t explode or start leaking noxious fumes from the destroyed fuel crystals.

The castaways end up spending about 13 months in the village, learning about everyone in the exiled youth village and their larger civilization (It started from a travelling group that split off from the standard civilization about 800 years before. Their culture has so much nuance and brilliant architecture and art, it’s amazing) and teaching the village about their civilization and technology in return, once Jin manages to teach them enough of the native language to not have to communicate solely through hand gestures and facial expressions.

Along the way, people end up falling in love and become mates, the first being Kazuichi and Gundham, once Kazuichi managed to find out that Gundham was trying to awkwardly court him (which he didn’t realize due to obliviousness and cutural differences), who had a lovely mating ceremony where everyone attended, Nekomaru and Fuyuhiko cried (Fuyu cried a little, Nekomaru cried a lot) during it, and Akane and her siblings had to be bribed in the reception feast by Teruteru to not interrupt the ceremony with commentary.

Meanwhile, everyone who knew the castaways is absolutely freaking the hell out (a princess and some of the most brilliant minds of a generation were all on that ship) and searching for them like mad, with Izuru leading the head search party, which included some of the friends and family if the castaways to at least get some closure if nothing else. Their efforts were mostly fruitless until they finally find the crashed ship with Kazuichi and Gundham inside because Kaz still wants to keep the best invention of his life in tip top shape. After some very enthusiastic reunions when Kazuichi and Gundham take the search party back to the village and most of the castaways meet their friends and families for the first time in months, Izuru investigates just how the ship crashed, since Kazuichi couldn’t find anything even after 13 months and those fuel crystals were supposed to outlast the ship itself. Izuru uses some of his magic to trace back whether the malfunction was magical in nature (Kazuichi can’t use magic, so he wouldn’t know if it had something to do with magic and Gundham doesn’t trust technology) and immediately gets hit with a force of malice and most importantly Despair and recognizes it as Junko Enoshima. Junko, a manipulative sorceress, wanted to drive the world into despair by killing off some of the greatest minds of the generation and maybe start a few wars while she’s at it by blaming rival countries for shooting down the crown princess and a few other diplomats from two wealthy kingdoms. But the spell didn’t wreck the ship or kill anyone, just wrecked their fuel and left them stranded.

After making a solemn vow to get rid of Junko when they get back to civilization for trying to kill his brother, Izuru gets a bunch of spare fuel crystals from the search party’s supply and helps Kazuichi reinstall them into the engine, bringing the ship back to fully operational, which is great because the search party has been in this jungle for around a year at this point and they are really getting homesick.

Everyone, including the villagers, who all decide to come along, all pack up their things and arrive to the ship’s original destination much to the surprise of everyone who thought they were dead and they pretty much became famous for discovering an entire civilization, with Mahiru’s pictures and Jin’s story giving an excellent look into the culture and lifestyles of the people living there. And yes, the villagers all experience life in the ‘modern’ day, with some definite and absolutely hilarious culture shocks that are mediated through having a bunch of friends who can navigate through it, even after being missing for over a year. And yes, Izuru did get rid of Junko.

(A/N: I should really be studying but forget it, I needed to write this before I forget about it. Please leave some feedback!)

(Mod: I hope your studying is going well ♥

Omegaverse, steampunk and fantasy in one, I have to be in heaven because these are my three top favourite AUs/tropes of all time ♥

I feel so sorry for Kazuichi. He build that airship and has to probably sometimes check if everything is working as intended but the poor guy would feel so sick on a constant basis and simply be in hell instead of enjoying the marvel of his groundbreaking invention

The terror everyone felt when the ship suddenly got struck by lightning and causing them to fall out of the sky and to crash into the middle of nowhere must have been pure horror for them all. When they then also wake up alive, but realise they are tied up in a temple and surrounded by some people in strange clothing things couldn’t get any worse. They survived a crash landing to presumably be tortured to death in some temple by some ancient tribe. Since no one can speak their language it’s also impossible to reason with them. But most of them couldn’t deny that they at least looked good, but doesn’t make the possibility of death much better. Luckily Jin can actually speak Japanese and so everything is quickly solved

The “modern” group probably had a lot of fun in the middle of a gigantic forest because of all the wildlife and dangerous nature around them ^^” All of them grew up in towns and cities and at the max only saw a small forest which is nothing against this. They probably had to have one of the natives always accompany them before any of them got lost or ends up seriously harming themselves. Also I could imagine that Kaz would for his life never understand how Gundham could look at a deadly animal that happens to cross their path and decide that this is his newest pet. Btw nothing better than Kaz being an oblivious idiot in love

Also I love the backstory that you came up with for the tribe members, giving everyone a different yet believable reason as for why they are in their current mismatched tribe

I can just imagine how Izuru is in the meanwhile taking every part of the continent apart together with the royal family and the other big name families, while their missing relatives are happily courting and mating some native tribe members in the middle of nowhere. Izuru would also stomp everyone who even dares to suggest that his twin is probably dead into the ground without mercy because there is no way that Hajime died. I could also imagine that his stoic face completely broke when he actually found Hajime safe and sound after searching for him for over a year. Like just imagine how sweet it would be that Izuru actually is brought to tears from relieve to finally seeing his twin again and just hugging him

At least until he notices that Hajime’s scent changed and that he has a mating mark on the back of his neck, because then he would glare at Nagito who’s scent matches the one sticking to his twins whole body. Luckily Hajime would quickly calm his twin that everything is consensual and that he and Nagito are willingly mated because they love each other)

[j-wonwootrash]

Jun || Scarred Pt.2

Word count: 4k  Genre: Angst, drama, romance, slice of life A/N: So sorry for the super long wait! It’s been months I know. Thanks for being patient with me huhu. BTW, if the dialogues are in bold then they’re speaking in different language. ^^ ENJOY P.S. Please DM me if your want requests! ^^ or post on my wall for drabbles! 

“Your eyes hid a lot of words.”

———

Quietly you waited for the staff and crew in a room. You sat on the sofa, swinging your legs in alternate movement to kill time. Lips pursed as you looked around the room with curiosity. You’ve never heard of Pledis Entertainment nor its stars, so your mind at the moment filled with excitement and anxiety. 

“Hello Miss Y/N. Please follow me and meet with our idols and some of the trainees. They’re around your age so don’t sweat it.” You nodded as you followed him to a meeting room, filled with 13 boys and 10 girls, sitting on a long black table. “Ah Y/N-sshi! Welcome! It’s so good to see you again! I mean even if we saw each other earlier, but I’m happy to see you again!” Seungkwan stood to greet you. “It’s good to see you too, I guess.” You happily shook his hand. The rest of the boys followed the boy and did their greetings. If Seungkwan is here then.. ‘he’ must be-

“Bet you’re looking for the most handsome in Seventeen.” You hear this particular voice you never wanted to hear. You turned to his way and girl you hated the smirk on his face. “You’re looking at him now.”

The members cringed at his self-praised comment. “Yah hyung! You’re already making a move on her?” Chan hit the boy’s arm.

“Whoa hold your horses there Chan. I was just..” He paused “Being friendly..” He looked at you again. Oh the smell of sarcasm! If this was a movie where you could stop this scene and beat the poop of that guy you’d definitely do it. Even for a hundred times. Heavy breaths started to go up and down your lungs as you glared at him. You felt as if smoke were coming out of your nostrils.

“Friendly my butt..” You whispered. You immediately sat down as you saw the man in suit you assume he’s the one of the heads of the company.  

“I called you all today to formally introduce to you a new star who’d be joining us this year.” He pointed at you and Seventeen cheered, knowing there will be lots of time to get to know you. “Miss Y/N. Do you have words to say?”

“I am most honored to work amongst the idols that have been rising to the top of industry. I hope we could make memories together at my time here in Pledis. Please take care of me.” You bowed.

Oh boy, how bad can this be? 

The meeting ended soon enough you were on your way out. A hand called out for you and you were surprised to see Hoshi. “Can I help you with something?” You asked, the boy smiled and pointed at the rest of the members.

“We’re making new choreography for the upcoming event we’re participating in. I was hoping if you could join us and maybe give feedbacks. And since you’re new here, we’d like to show you around afterwards.”

It was alright for you to join them, except you’d see the face of the guy you hoped you didn’t meet today. “Sure I’d love to.” You smiled as he pulled you to their practice room.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“..and 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5, 6, and 7 and 8.” Hoshi inhaled as he clapped to take a break. 

“Everyone! Food’s here!” S.Coups yelled and the boys gathered in a circle to eat. You thought how much they worked so hard and being able to do what they love is a beautiful sight, especially when they get an award in the end, that is, chicken. “Y/N-sshi! Come join us! Chicken’s delicious!”

You nodded as you walked to them. They created a space for you to sit down and eat. “I’ll enjoy the food.”

“Y/N-sshi! What are your thoughts of chicken here in Seoul? Do you prefer it dipped in sauce, fried, seasoned or just the way it is?”

“I think all is fine. I’m not a picky eater.” You giggled. “Although I prefer garlic flavor over the original.” You took another piece.

Your giggles echoed the practice room and some of the members found your voice sweet and gentle, they could listen to it all day.

“Ah!” Dokyeom stood up. “Y/N-sshi, do you sing?”

“Uhm, I do sing from time to time but I don’t really consider myself good.” Embarrassed, you drank water to calm down. 

“We’ll be the judge of that Y/N!” Dokyeom smiled. “I bet your voice is beautiful.”

Encouraged, you sat properly to start singing. “Then, I’ll sing-” 

You felt a hand pulling you up. “I’m sorry boys, you have to listen to her some other time.” Jun spoke softly yet there’s darkness in every word he uttered.

“Jun? That’s kinda rude to interrupt her-” Joshua started. 

“And I think it’s rude of you all to force on the things she can’t do.” Jun glared.

“Hey I did it in my own will, Junhui. Besides I can sing, in case you forgot.” You sternly said as you let go of his grip. Jun furrowed his eyebrows, eyes in disgust.

You weren’t sure why Jun was suddenly acting this way, but he was getting onto your nerves. You didn’t want to show your relation with Jun to the boys, just to avoid the issue you had from years before. 

“You have to go.” Jun said. “Now.” The tension was getting far and the boys can sense the situation, at least you think it that way. “Just go.”

The members started to speak to themselves and some are too confused to even ask. “Hyung you can’t ask her to leave when she’s just starting to-” Seungkwan got interrupted.

Jun pulled your arm out of the practice room, making you to catch up to his speed. “LEAVE.” This time there was a hint of anger in his voice. “Don’t act all comfortable around my friends just because it’s your first day.”

“Look who’s acting all professional for goodness’ sake. I am new in this company and your friends made me feel at home. Unlike someone who isn’t doing any effort. Can’t you at least be happy for me?” You raised your voice in an obvious manner, though he sensed the sarcasm in you.

“Just to make things clear. I’m not who you think I was before. I don’t know why on earth you ended up here, I expected not to see you again. But here you are, the almighty Y/N never changed. Even here you’re still chasing me? I’m crystal clear that we broke up.”

“Chasing you? How stupid do you think I am? I was offered work. And if you think I’m trying to be flirty with your friends, y-you’re wrong. Why were you mad anyway?!” You stuttered.

A laugh came out of Jun’s lips. Evil, he thought. “Mad? Of course not.” He fell silent for while before he began to speak, walking closer to you, just centimeters from your face. 

“I’m very mad you even have the guts to lie to my friends. ‘Sing’ you say? How could I forget that word that never existed in your dictionary. Now tell me, who among them do you fancy-”

You slapped him so hard the members came out, wondering what took Jun so since pulling you out of the room. “You jerk.. You have nothing to do with me anymore. So stop acting like some ‘know-it-all’ smarthead who doesn’t even care a single of my feelings. You- you left me..” You turned around. 

“‘Know-it-all’ huh?” Jun licked his lips. “Sure I got nothing to do with you but, Well.. Mr. Know-it-all here knows you were faking around with my friends. And I didn’t leave you. You did, without letting me explain further!” 

You began to walk. You didn’t know why you gave in. You thought you were fine but you weren’t. You thought seeing him would be alright but he angered you. You thought remaining normal would work but you just couldn’t read him anymore. His sudden act in front of his friends confused you. A tear slid down your cheek. I’m not a flirt. 

And you thought you moved on.

He was not Jun you knew. 

He was not the Jun everyone knew.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Jun went inside the dorm, not surprised to see his friends having their jaws dropped or stare at him in shock. They’ve been like that back in the van. He sat down on the sofa, not wanting to look up.

“So you both have dated. And you didn’t tell us.” Jeonghan started.

“What’s there to tell? It’s all in the past anyway. Waste the time for all I care.” Jun’s voice raised as he gripped on the pillow.

“Your eyes hid a lot of words.. for a guy who’s confident in himself.” Wonwoo told him. “You couldn’t even look at us now.”

“You can’t carry the burden yourself. You have us.” Mingyu smiled, comforting Jun.

Jun didn’t understand why the boys were trying to calm him down. They didn’t experience the same, he thought. “Just leave me alone.” He didn’t want the members to force him out of it.

“No. We’ll wait for you to speak up, even if it costs us sleep.” Minghao patted Jun’s back.

“Wait for me to speak up you say? Just how much do you know what I’m going through huh? You all saw the whole thing!”

Minghao furrowed his eyebrows and his anger got the best of him. “We won’t know unless you tell us! We can’t have a troubled member doing poorly that’ll ruin the performance!”

Jun stood up, furious to even know what Minghao has to say. “Then I guess you’re performing without me!” He flung his arms in the air with exaggeration everyone knew was fake. He then tried to leave the living room.

“We can’t let you do that!” Minghao stood up, pointing at Jun with his finger. “If you have what it takes to burden the team, I suggest you to not join us in this performance.” 

“You have no say because you’re not the leader!” Jun stomped forward to Minghao, only to be stopped by Hoshi.

“Either you tell us or you’ll be suspended for two weeks. You can’t hide from us anymore, now that we know your heart is scarred.” Hoshi said with a low voice as he held Jun’s shoulders. Jun didn’t want anyone to interfere in with his issues.

“Urgh!” Jun’s voice quivering. “You.. all just don’t understand!” He went straight to his room, slamming the door.

“Give him time. Her coming was probably too sudden for him. He probably was too shocked to even contemplate.” Seungcheol stood up, rubbing his eyes. 

Jun leaned against the door with fists covering his face. I fought them because of Y/N. That girl.. You’re gonna pay for this.

The words of revenge clouded and soon blinded him, for the things he planned to do in the later days.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You rubbed your eyes to the rays of morning light that peeks through your pink blossomed curtains. It is only 7 a.m and you couldn’t wait to start your day with the company.

Only then you remembered what happened last night. Jun interfering with you was unpleasant. Why would he think that you were flirting with his friends? His words stung, but you didn’t understand why it hurted you. They shouldn’t have. 

You moved on and so did he. Clearly he was bitter over the breakup but treating you like trash in front of his friends was something you never expected. You thought he would set it aside. 

You just couldn’t believe it. You rolled side to side on your bed and screamed to your pillow to let your anger out. “WHYYY. AARE. YOUUU. SOOOO. STUPIDDD. JUUUNNNNN???”

Your roommate, Yoojung rushed to your room and banged on your door. “Y/N! Are you okay?? Answer me!” There was a pause. “Yo Y/N?? Are you even alive??”

Annoyed, you got up and opened the door. “Thank goodness you’re awake! I was just about to tell you-” She looked at you with mouth agape. You knew she was staring at your puffy eyes. “Girl you look awful.” She gestured the all of you. 

“Yes I know I’m aware of it.” You scanned her with her bedhead and morning face. “And you’re no different.” You gestured to the all of her. She hit you and you turned around to lie on your bed again. 

“Anyway, as I was saying. We will film a CF with Seventeen starting from today at 9. Well, briefing actually, at the swimming area. Then the training will be in three days.”

“So soon? I just had a meeting yesterday with Pledis.”

“Can’t complain, can we?” She sat down beside you. “C’mon, I know just the thing to cheer you up.”

“Take a wild guess Yoojung.”

“Erm, it could be movies, right? I mean you starred in countless of movies! There’s gotta be something you like!” She wiggled you and you love how she brings joy to day even if she doesn’t invade your privacy.

“Alight alright. Just one movie before we go to our schedule.” You finally agreed to her persuasive attitude.

“Let’s watch something that reminds you of home! Hm.. Maybe Ip Man?? You starred in it! Aww I wanna see a young Y/N!”

You blushed at her comment but later faded as you remembered Jun was casted as the young Ip Man. You were just one of the little kids with little screen time, let alone your first film. Back then he was full of himself, and still is. The young Jun was so confident he bragged his role to the others. 

“I’m the young Ip Man, and you’re just all extras.” He’d hit his chest several times for exaggeration, smiling as he scanned all of you in the crowd behind him. You could tell some were pissed and others were in awe, inspired even.

Then it was getting too much, he would look at the rest of you, grinning if Donny Yen would go near him. Enough was enough.

“Stop acting like you’re the star. In any way you see, you’re still one of the extras.” You stood up, standing in front of the crowd you came from.

He saw you and chuckled, walking towards you. “An extra.. with special roles, a.k.a. young version of the protagonist. I’m still ahead of you.”

Since then you decided to compete with him. Trying to get into several movies and soap operas as much as possible.

However, the thought of Jun made your eyebrows furrow. As you watched his part, you grabbed the remote and switched off the T.V.

“Hey! I was watching!” Yoojung complained.

“We’re late.” You excused, rubbing your face in irritation. “Well? Are you going to prepare or not? I’ll definitely leave you.”

“C’mon! We still have an hour!” She flew her hands in the air, pointing at the owl-shaped clock hung on your room wall. “See?”

“An hour’s short. Get up buttercup.” You pulled her off your bed.

“You’re treating me breakfast!” Yoojung ran out.

“Yes yes.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Jun stared at the remaining raindrops on their van, tracing the trail of water the dew leaves behind. He didn’t know how to act towards his friends after misbehaving like a kid last night. The members treated him like nothing happened, some patting him at the back and some verbally asking him if he was okay. Perhaps they did try to understand. 

Minghao was the only one who neither talk or notice him. Maybe he has his reasons for ignoring him, but he shouldn’t keep it for long.

“Wahhh! The swimming pool! This is cool!” Hoshi screamed, placing his hands on the window of the van. “We’ll film the CF here??”

“Yeah, if you were listening yesterday you won’t be asking us the 5th time.” Vernon pulled Hoshi down to sit. 

The boys got off the van and stared at the blue sky. “Great weather for filming.” Joshua said. Their manager soon went to them, panting. 

“You’re late.” 

“We came on time, Hyung.” Jeonghan said, fanning himself with an pocket electric fan under an umbrella. 

“The girls were earlier than you all. Come inside.”

“Girls always be girls. Early.” 

The meeting of the CF was not something new to you. You’ve been to many and for you, this is a piece of cake. You knew Jun was staring at you and you did not bother to look him at all. He should apologize. Though in your chest there was an urge to look at him at least for a bit. Ignore him for now, you thought.

Jun thought you were pretty in your ivory white off-shoulder top, your hair styled in low a braided bun, your choker that matches with the petal-pins on your hair, denim shorts that showed your slender legs. He was not so sure why he was looking at you in admiration. He’s supposed to not notice you even after last night, but there wasn’t any choice. You’re too stunning he can’t make himself look away.

“Staring at her although you fought her?” Jun heard Minghao go up to him. 

“I wasn’t.” Jun broke away from your beauty. “She just happen to be in front of me.” He excused.

“Yeah I saw the whole thing. Got a hawk eye, remember?” Minghao pointed his eyes, smiling. 

“You aren’t mad?” Jun asked with wide eyes.

“I was mad..” He paused. “..until I figured out you still love her.”

Jun didn’t move or react. He just looked at his friend who was still smiling at him. “Bullseye bro?”

“Yeah.. Bullseye.” Jun nodded, trying to think what else he has to say to his friend.

“I’ll support you, but if you break her heart, I’ll take her okay?” 

“What did I do to get myself a rival?” Jun chuckled.

“You didn’t do anything. She did. Her beauty.” Minghao pointed at you, who now are looking at Jun. “She’s pretty.”

You didn’t mean to stare at Jun. You were just observing the new place. Lies.

“Y/N ah.” Yoojung called. Not getting a response from you, she looked at where you were looking at- Jun. “Haaa? Y/N you like-” Your eyes widened and your hands were fast enough to cover the girl’s mouth.

“Shhh! Your voice is loud.” You hissed.

“I can’t breathe.”

“Sorry.”

You let go of the girl, walking pass her and into the meeting room. You knew the way you acted, Yoojung probably took it as a yes by now. 

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You all were on your way to the area for the CF. The wind brushing through the leaves of the palm trees made you feel like in another world. You find funny how the boys lined up in two lines. Like kindergarten, you thought.

As if time were trying to let you finish the day, the trial filming started, each of you holding onto a product you’re promoting. You had the area to yourselves and you couldn’t believe how much money it took to book the place. 

The CF was simple, yet hard to decide. It could be you or Yoojung that would jump from a 5m diving platform, along with two other members from Seventeen. It’s not that high and you’re not an aqua-phobic either. So why do you feel nervous over a CF? Your stomach churned in pain for a good minute then it was gone. You looked over to Yoojung and she was excited as ever. 

The director started filming the scenes and all you had to do was to enjoy the moment promote the product, then the rest of editing is up to the staff. It didn’t take long for the diving scene to arrive. You noticed one of Yoojung’s swimsuit laces are close to becoming undone. But before you could speak up, the director made his signal. 

“Yoojung, Mingyu and Seungcheol. Are you ready?”

Looking up at them, the three nodded and dived, cheers and applause were slowly coming to volume. Mingyu and Seungcheol were the first ones to get out of the water. Yoojung hasn’t. 

“Yoojung, you can come up now. Get out of the water!” Her manager called. There was no answer. “Yoojung-ah!”

The staff gave whispers and comments if Yoojung couldn’t swim, or if the pool is too deep for her. Gosh you all call yourselves staff and yet you don’t double check her outfit. 

it’s been more than 20 seconds and your instincts tells you to save her, save her from exposure of skin. Immediately you grab a towel from a table and dive into the water. The rest were shocked to see you do that, quick to act.

As you dive in the cool water, your vision of small bubbles began to disappear and you felt the sole of your right foot sting you with cramps. Ignoring the pain, you grabbed Yoojung and cover her upper body with a towel and she immediately grasped for air. You stayed underwater and held your foot. But the more you touched it, the more it hurted. 

“Y/N! How can you be so dumb saving me and not yourself?! You’re a confident idiot!” Yoojung cry-yelled, earning the boys’ attention. Jun heard this and wanted to get you out of there. Yet he couldn’t because of your fight. 

“Y/N-sshi can’t swim??” Seungkwan asked Jun.

Jun had a dilemma for a good 5 seconds. If I save her, it’ll be good but.. He thought. If I don’t, that’ll be a bad impression on the members. 

He looked at Minghao and he has his fists on his chest- “Get her.” is what he meant.

“Agh, screw it!” Jun ran to the pool. The members were low-key cheering for him now that they know his relation to you.

To your surprise you see Jun swimming to you, grabbing your waist, and you knew what he was doing. You felt irritated, thankful, but irritated. He helped you out of the pool. Yoojung came to you, handing you a towel. “Are you okay?”

You felt Jun’s hands still on your waist. You shrugged it off, glaring at him. “I didn’t need saving, especially when it’s coming from you.”

“I could at least get a ‘thank you’.” Jun stood up. 

“Didn’t I tell you that you have nothing to do with me anymore?” You turned to him. “‘Crystal clear’, right?”

Jun flinched at the word you used against him. “Shut that mouth of yours until I hear the words of gratitude from you.” He said in a low tone as he threw his towel to your face, silencing your complaint. 

“I’ll have a break of 5.” Jun told his manager. He didn’t understand why. He didn’t catch up why you didn’t thank him. He knew it was a little help but that’s all he could offer. 

You took off the towel from your face. “Wen Junhui! I’m not done with you! Get back here!” You yelled, Yoojung pulling you back.

“Leave him alone. Why aren’t you thanking him? He saved you for crying out loud.” Minghao interrupted. “You’re a beaut with no brains.”

You looked at Minghao. “I didn’t need saving! I can swim!” You caught Jun walking away. “WEN JUNHUI! I swear if you didn-”

Pitch black vision slowly entered your eyes, legs limping, weakening. 

There, you fainted.

“Y/N!” Yoojung wiggled you. “Hey can you hear me?”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The smell of strong meds woke you. Sitting up, you rubbed your temples. “Yoojung-ah, how long was I out?” Vision’s still regaining, you found a figure on your bedside, assuming she’s your manager. “Ah unnie.. Get me a glass of water and hot towel please.” 

She didn’t respond. Is she cross because of the way I behaved?

“Here you go.” It’s a male?

That voice.. It’s Jun.

Accepting the water, you drank it. “What are you doing here?” You bitterly spoke.

“I guess it’s about time we talk.”

You chuckled in disbelief. “Mm, what changed your mind?” Stirring the spoon in your glass cup.

“Nothing changed my mind. I just came to tell you something; something we both could probably do, and abide to it.” He sat down again. This time, he’s right beside you. Too close, you thought.

“Let’s stop adding injuries to the person who’s already wounded and scarred. Do we have a deal?”

━━━

scarred masterlist

>> a relationship with jun was all going well, not until a certain situation got in between that made everything crumbling down. forgiveness was key but it was the progress that was essential to make forgiveness happen.

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[libramoon2]

dark musings

Twilight at the Dark of the Moon Moving inward. Spiraling into deepest silence. Feel me here, oh my most darling. Here is the free-est flow, river of bliss. Bounty of years of grey resistance, incrementally awakened to swirling shades -- mystic purples, mad magentas, sky-eyed blues. There is ancient music, crescendos to peals. Layered millennial ears, creatures of seas to trees murmur through. Ripples of soundwaves, broker wisdom not yet condensed into words. Romances spun of clay and sand, woven into fashion’s fabrics. Hearty voices join, create regaled mythology. Star-shaped world story reverberates with chill and heat. Nascent strive for enriched clarity that must open ever more widely, a luminous spiral up, out, in, around. Come, brave as you imagine. In that brief eternal interval all of energy coalesces. Dark Magick In the still of the dark of the moon, after the revelry has passed, deep, deep into the frozen fields of dreamless sleep, we, walking, silently, along the riverbed, breathe in ancient ash of woodsmoke, breathe out long-growing tears to weave ghostly tentacles along our path, take each other's hand up to our heart to pray, to kiss, to whisper, thus casting an eternal spell. Brave New Age I have traveled beyond the waters, acrid, poisoned water, bound and bleeding daughters, wail of senseless slaughter, blinded by the rain. I have walked sands of endless hatred, crumbled stone as hate did, explaining "It was fated." relinquishing the blame. Dark of the night, quiet, unable to lie, I search for the truth of my age in unfathomed sky. Not Heaven, not Home to a rescuing I -- the Mystic's mystery. Hugely greater than a Creator of history. Stars, Galaxies without end Liminal Spaces Twilight, the wee hours, the dark of the moon, liminal spaces, places where magic dwells, crossroads, crises, cusps. There is static on the radio. A song my voice was singing, rhythm of sound takes flight to surround me, a comforter of down to ease my soul. I've been trying to define a taste, a sense of bittersweet and salt. I've been trying to find a trace a footprint in the desert, a sight, a scent, a memory. I've been trying to discern a trace of me, a piece to fit the puzzle, my contribution to the grand design. Seeking in shadows, the space between myth and matter, those places words cannot define. On those insubstantial plains of myst and awe, the stuff of dreams, threshold of wonder, creation is spawned. dark of the Moon, dark of the Sun liminality, intense opening of magical portals -- where do you see your being on the other side? Perhaps what I am finding so profound is indeed simple elementary knowledge to others here. That take on the human narrative is: our entire "reality" is an abstract construct based on what we perceive as the general social narrative into which we are born. Much as some religions refer to a "maya" an illusory story we blend our self-narrative from, or as visionaries, madfolk, psychonauts perceive a vaster reality beyond the veil, we all have the capacity to see through the story and recreate it in an image more suited to our individual pursuits and pleasure. In fact, religion (yoke) is a social construct to better control the flock by self-appointed shepherds who may have a greater picture than apprehended by the masses, or at least a greater instinct for the prerequisites of power over. Ultimately, the more profound power is not power over, but power within, the power to move beyond the socially accepted narrative and write one's own. This is the essence of Magic. We who are part of an ancient tradition of art are always taking up the helm, seeing what was and making our own comments based on our own experiences. However, as to the whining and wallowing, people throughout time have had serious issues to deal with, some similar to what we are going through now, some perhaps less relevant at this time. We had "the bomb" Vietnam, the draft, Agent Orange, CIA, Hoover's FBI, all manner of incredible social changes to acclimate to. You know, I've been marvelling during this just recent "Black History Month" that when I was a teen I was marching for civil rights so that my black friends could live in the kinds of neighborhoods that my white friends took for granted, could get real jobs, could not be lynched with impunity. My gay friends were jailed or worse, incarcerated in mental institutions and given shock treatments, even lobotomies, because they had a mental illness, not a different orientation. My woman friends (I included) were also kept off the job market, or given low-paid service work which included a heavy amount of sexual harassment that had to be endured. We were not allowed often to rent spaces because we didn't have a man, or have our own bank accounts, or heaven forbid we had children due to divorce or out-of-wedlock, we were pariahs and so were our kids. I could go on forever, but hopefully you get the point. We all have our crosses to bear, each individual and each generation. As artists it is our job to take it all in and use these adversities to make our art more relevant, more real, more true to who we are. And, btw, check out some of the earlier psychedelic movement art -- it's certainly not all sweetness and light! The so-called flower-power hippies were more a media artifact than the real thrust of what people were doing and believed. Sodomy, defined by celibate priests who I guess thought we were too good for sex, includes all sexual acts outside of the sacrament of marriage, other than the missionary position, and for any purpose other than procreation. Sodomy is condemned as serious sin in Christian theology of the middle ages and on to well into the 20th century, even into the 21st. Apparently God gave us these intense urges just to test us. I have been experiencing complicated thoughts about the meaning of art, its purpose culturally and personally. For the most part, I've not liked poetry, though often I have found poems that did deeply move me or give me a radically new perspective in a way that other writing forms rarely can equal. I had very recently been going through an internal conflict about writing style. People have criticized my writing for being too difficult to understand when I thought I was being crystal clear. I started working toward using simpler language, but that doesn't seem to be the cure. Now, I am leaning more toward the idea that my job is to express in my own way my own realizations, since that is what I can do that is original and meaningful, to me at least. You can never please or even necessarily communicate with all of the people all of the time. If I am true to my own vision, at least that will be out there for those who do wish to see it. It is important, though, I think, to be clear in the manifestation of that vision rather than obscurant, to give full attention and intention to every word. It cracks me up that the Republicans are touted as pro-free-market conservatives. Real conservatives are conservationists. They understand that there is no free ride from planet Earth, or anyone else. They believe in the creative entrepreneur who has a stake in finding useful and profitable solutions so the buying public will beat a path to that door. Real Republicans, however, seem to be about preserving the territory of sacred special interests. As was suggested on a conservative think tank panel broadcast on C-Span about other issues, probably the best way to come up with real world solutions is to offer a high cash prize to whoever comes up with the best ideas, or at least to offer low-interest financing to get such projects going. I drink them in, your words of lithe and light and falling into meaning. Hot, parched soul that I bring to party through the changing moods and captured essence enrapturing liquid emotion. Capturing brief moments dripping down my throat like song. Blowing through life, into a magical canyon Stygian rain ignites wandering visions Madness unbound by resplendent derision rocks into devastation of lullabies expressed through Lilithian eyes way past the limits of light and reason In a gentle corner, made of more glorious dreams love's candle burns warming celestial clay New worlds orgasmic in grace explore passion.