#not like do everything for me cause im incompetent

[petrichoraline]

one thing i learned about myself is id need to be treated like a baby at the workplace lmao

[ohemaa-warrior]

.

[britneyshakespeare]

i might seem like just a mentally ill eccentric. but deep down i care about the children

[stonechild]

acting like my own best friend has changed my life

[leisure]

cant wait to get lectured tomorrow by my office manager for stupid things cause my coworkers are babies t

[satoruhour]

🪻ugh your drabble about sore reader reminded of this one hc I think of so much that it’s embarrassing. Imagine gojo getting on sorcerer!reader’s nerves to the point that she and utahime almost have an anti-gojo hate club, and one time while bantering with him she jokes about his size or how he’s so self centred he probably can’t even make a woman cum.

Satoru only says “wanna see what I’m all about?” and safe to say she gets dicked down like there’s no tomorrow. Throughout the night he also makes fun of her for being all talk in the beginning but cumming so easily, makes her beg for it, will never let her live it down. Next day Utahime’s real pissed she lost her club’s vice chairperson.

My kitty isn’t even purring atp she’s meowing loud and crystal clear. Satoru who’s smug and a big tease in bed is so unbelievably sexy to me

a/n: discussions of incompetent dick game LMAO, oral f! receiving, fingering, p -> v sex, unprotected sex, creampies, multiple rounds

OHHHH MY GOD YOURE SO RIGHT ACTUALLY HYACINTH ANON sorry i took so long to get to this sobs. yes yesyes id like to think sorcerer was with them before but left the scene like nanami and never truly kept in touch with the students at tokyo high. id also like to think this happens before the actual series starts (ages 24 - 25) bc gojo might still be honing his technique and theres still that playful banter at that age. god and they have a school reunion and he does some annoying crap dude.... utahime is DEFINITELY debriefing with you after that whole thing. shes by your side the whole night recalling on the stupid shit gojo did as a hs kid, when he collapsed that mansion without putting up the veil. you had to calm her down LMFAO

but at the reunion there was alcohol and you both get hiiiiigh and all things get 18+ almost immediately, talking about how gojo def cant find the clit and he fingers women wrongly and cant make any use of his dick thats probs small 😭😭😭 which is like ... you also have an inkling that he might not be that small because he is .... 2 metres tall but ya never know with how cocky gojo is. and that inkling is gone instantly when u hear him talk cause his voice is so ANNOYING and dripping with cockiness. he also has that certain lilt in his voice that you realise he uses only with you, overly teasing and silky smooth and u hate how you notice that

gojo is fucked up as well, u know he doesnt hold his liqour well but hes sober enough to ask “wanna see what im all about?” and you especially hate how you look around to see where hime is at and when u just catch a glimpse of her heading into the bathroom, youre nodding slowly and you do nooooot know what youre getting urself into !

needless to say, gojo is already getting u so hot and bothered just from a simple kiss. he warped you two back to your apartment (bc he rather die than get found out by megs and tsumiki), which he has been to before !!!!! gods even the tension back then was so palpable but gojo was in a vulnerable place with geto and everything and didnt want to do anything that would hurt his heart more. you two make out for A WHILLLEEEE and if ure wondering if hes alr so good at kissing, what else is he good at ....?

youre proven wrong time and time again when gojo goes striaght for your clit, rubbing slow circles and he has u begging for more, more something just mere rubs. gojo has the gall to lick a stripe up your soaked panties and sucks a little at your clit and god he is LOVING the way all your previous insults about him fall short of your lips and doesnt have the same punch: “still doesnt prove your dick’s b-big—” gojo lips your panties to the side and eats you out. he eats. you. out. to prove a point but also he falls in love with your pussy, slobbering all over it and shit. “didnt tell my your pussy was so good, baby.” “cat got your tongue? do i live up to your standards?”

you realise hes cocky for a reason and that his tongue game is fucking insane. the same goes for his fingers, locking eyes when he first inserts his digits in and your moan is like heaven to gojo bc he likes nothing more than to prove people wrong. and this is the best way to do it !!!! “cum on my tongue, sweetness.” oh YOU DO !!! YOU DOOOOOO

and then you think gojos done with making his statement. nah. youre so fucked out just from oral and hes smirking down at you, bringing your hands to his crotch.

“what?”

“wan’ you to open my pants yourself.”

“so it’s small?”

gojo scoffs with a smile, he already finds himself addicted to you and your taste. “no. just curious to see your surprised face.”

it gets him off every time (even after dating. and cmon dont tell me you WONT be his gf or at least his fwb after this?) you react like that, mouth open and eyes never leaving his exposed cock that he could probably slam it inside.

wee woo and once he starts to fuck you ooohhhhhhggggghhh eveyrthing you say is INCOHERENT. you try to string words together, insults and name calling here and there but it’s always interrupted by moans and whines. “you’re so— mmhfuck— insanely anno— satoru!” its words and words but none of them make sense. youre drunk on his cock. he fucks you in every position imaginable and the first time he wants to pull out bc he isnt an asshole, you're trapping him between your legs and begging him to cum inside, inside, inside WOOOOWWW HE GOES INSANE.

“i’m on the pill, s-satoru! wan’ your cum inside, please, please—”

“you’re driving me fucking c—crazy. i will, i will.”

anyway yeah you guys go multiple rounds and youre rendered speechless at every turn, surprised at yourself that even when youre spent youre sinking down on his cock and riding him yourself right after you both came. everythings sticky and gross and gojos still sensitive but hes hooked on your pussy and lets you do whatever <33

the next morning u wake up caged in his arms and hes saying something annoying again. “wanna make this a regular thing?” and you attempt to reject him, pushing him away and getting up from your bed but youre sore everrywherreeee and he swoops in just as youre about to fall. “dick too good, huh?” you roll your eyes and just let yourself be pampered by him. you spend that next day just making out and being close to each other and u wonder what to tell utahime LMFOAAOAOA

you end up getting a few missed calls after gojo had sent a selfie of you both, blanket covering your naked bodies after doing the obvious and he just chucks ur phone to the side and continues to kiss you LMAOAOAOAO. oh sigh thats such a nice scenario maybe ill write it properly one day

hello hello!

[gojos-fr-bae]

Stay

Pairing: Levi x fem!reader

Warnings: Angst...Death, mentions of war. Cussing, shouting, crying

Word Count: 649 (AAAHHH, It's short)

A/N: Two in one day AGAIN, damnnn

(Requests open)

You hated fights with Levi, especially before expeditions. You two loved each other deeply however just like in any relationship, you had your good days and bad days and boy were your bad days BAD.

And today was one of those days.

“WHY CAN’T I GO, IM A FUCKING CAPTAIN JUST LIKE YOU LEVI!” YOU YELLED

“BECAUSE UNLIKE ME, YOU ARE COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT AND IF YOU GO OUT THERE YOU WILL DO NOTHING BUT TAKE UP SPACE AND CAUSE EVERYONE ISSUES!!” He yelled just as loud

“LEVI I AM DAMN FUCKING GOOD AT MY JOB AND YOU KNOW IT!”

“The only thing you are is delusional and you know it. So please, stop being a headache and listen for once.” He said in a chilling low tone. 

He didn’t actually think that you couldn’t handle it, if anything, you were more skilled than any other member of the army. But that’s when It’s Titans. The war you were going to fight was against humans and they were unpredictable. He was just worried about you. If anything were to happen to you, it would ruin him. He just didn’t have the best way of communicating that.

“Well fuck that Levi. I’m a grown woman and I can do whatever I want, and I’m not going to sit here at home while people are going to be out there fighting for their lives and that’s final!” You walked out and slammed the door behind you and that was that.

*** 

He knew he shouldn’t have let you come. He knew he should have made you stay but you just wouldn't listen.

He was using his 3DMG to get to the medics tent as fast as he could. You were okay. Oh gosh you are going to be okay. He can’t lose you. He needs you. You’re his everything and he wouldn’t be able to survive without you.

Running through the tent flaps. His blood ran cold as he looked down at you in your bed with a bullet wound right in the center of your chest.

He knelt right next to your bed and held your cold palm on his own. Gosh, you felt so cold. Too cold.

“Darling, hey, hey, I’m right here. Look at me, look at me.” He said frantically, trying to grab your attention.

You slowly turned your head to face him, Smiling softly at him when your eyes met.

“Hey sweety.”you responded, although your voice is extremely soft as you’ve run out of energy.

“Hi, look, everything’s going to be okay, just stay with me, you’re going to be okay, I promise.”

“Levi, I’m sorry, I should’ve listened” you said sadly, a stray tear running down your cheek.

“No, no, no, please don’t be sorry, it wasn’t your fault.”

“Remember to take care of yourself.” You said, voice fading slowly

“Y/N please-” he responded, voice breaking ever so slightly as he placed one palm against your cheek, brushing away your tears. Gosh, you were bleeding so much…too much.

“And don’t overwork yourself”

“My love please, don’t do this to me.”

“And you dare, ever, forget that I love you.”

“Also, remember that I just want you to be happy, okay.?” “Y-Y/N I’m begging you-”

“And you dare, ever, forget that I love you.” You said, and then your chest stopped rising and your body went limp.

“Y/N, Y/N please, wake up. Darling, wake up. Don’t go, please please please don’t go. My love, don’t do this to me. I can’t live without you, please. Please.”

He was trembling as tears streamed down his face. You were gone. No matter how much he denied it or how much he prayed to all that was good and just, You are gone. You are gone and there was nothing he could do to change that.

He didn’t even get to tell you he loved you.

@porridgesblog , @giannitaa , @c0pkiller , @havens-not-here, @starlightanyaaa

© gojos-fr-bae

I Always mix up liar tags and normal tags, sry if that's the case rn.

[ratgrinders]

hello tumblr user ratgrinders... appreciate the work you do even in these trying times (post onscreen homicide). i think the fact that kipperlilly is like, annoying and reminds people of girls they didnt like in high school ppl miss out on a lot of interesting stuff going on w her!

like, the "power hungry teen girl who is just evil and tbk kill her" thing has already been done in fhfy with penelope, & its much more interesting to think about how & why the ratgrinders are doing all this suspicious stuff tbk are noticing-- like the fact that they have been very cagey about showing their combat abilities, the weird stuff going on with various deities, and even kipperlilly's stolen therapy files (lol) are very intriguing!! and imo writing that off as assuming they'll be straightforward, incompetent villians (popular assumption due to their lack of friendship, even though it's famously the weakest magic) is far less interesting. like... they got into this situation for a reason and got involved w all this stuff somehow, & i don't think all of this would happen if they were a normal adv party, even a shitty one. how did they get here! why!! thx

thank you so much, its getting hard out here but nothing can stop the rat grinders stan grind!!!!! (<- is coping. im coping)

yeah but fr, kipperlily is FASCINATING to me. i truly believe that she thinks everything she does is justified in service of her larger goal, whatever that may be. yeah, stone cold murder really isn't the fairest thing you can do to your academic rivals, but writing all of that off as "oh she's just always been a jealous hypocrite who never believed in what she was spouting" i think is an inaccurate interpretation of her own motivations. she clearly believes in something.

cuz the thing is, we're still not really sure was kipperlily wants? ("egg on my face for wanting something"). sure, she's trying to run for student body president, but what exact rules is she hoping to implement, and how does that relate to trying to resurrect a rage god? plus, grix attacked ruben because he/his ritual were a direct threat to the existence of the school, which seems counter productive if you're trying to become president of it.

and what cause would kipperlily specifically have to be tied up with a rage god anyway? there's nothing that clearly on the surface ties a little type A halfling rogue to a fiendish god of rage and conquest, hell some of the other members in her party seem like on the surface they would have a closer tie to it (like both of their now dead clerics, mary ann who literally harnesses rage, ruben who is full of teen angst). kipperlily's apparently been filled with rage since freshman year, but why? (is she like riz, who spent his whole life infected with an aspect of the nightmare king and literally grew up with this seed of doubt inside him? did something similar happen to kipperlily?)

ankarna is the goddess of justice and the conviction to act when they see something unfair. no matter what, i think kipperlily truly believes that she's witnessed something unfair. and it feels significant to mention that this last murder is an escalation on the rat grinders' part. the other people who have ended up dead around them (lucy, yolanda, the original hosts of frosty faire) all seemed to have died indirectly as a result of the rage crystals and the uncontrollable rage it inspires. this is the first time we're seen stone cold premeditated murder, done with simply a blade and betrayal.

honestly, this transition seems to mirror what ankarna herself went through, starting off as the goddess of conviction and justice but slowly transitioning to one of conquest and war. brennan said something about ankarna, "yeah its nice to have someone like that on your side who will stand up for you, but you better hope that person is always right". i think what we're seeing now is someone with that same conviction, but with a misguided cause.

kipperlily's crossed a line now and i wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't end up redeemed by the end of the season, but i'm still interested in how she and her party were motivated to do this in the first place, because like you said i don't think a normal adventuring party would've ended up here. it takes a lot to transition to multiple murders!

[rynli]

Hi, can I just say I'm in love with your fic? Cause I'm in love with your fucking fic. Did I finish binge reading it just five minutes ago? Yes. Yes I did. But it makes the brain worms fresh, so.

1. IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR CHARACTERISATION. Harry is enough of a sopping sack of old man sadness coupled with incompetence of a guy who forgor everything about the current reality - even down to the simplicity of 'wait, where do you buy ingredients?' and needing someone to explain how to do his own goddamn paperwork. And of COURSE Pryce needs him back on his old caseload - which would just kill him. Again. AND BY GOD, MAN.... The way that breakdown/relapse chapter went down? God. He really did just try to go on a run. At least he got a bowl out of it, though. Absolutely love the way you write the skills and all the failed checks, too, cause man is Harry struggling. Absolutely delightful. (Also this is small, but electrochemistry being more than the 'take drugs!!' guy is. Actually refreshing which is unfortunate. He's the HAPPY CHEMICAL GUY!! THE THINGS YOU ENJOY DOING!! SEEKING SEROTONIN AND DOPAMINE! He's gonna be excited over a new fuckin thing that makes you happy!)

2. KIM. THE MAN HIMSELF. I love that you're making him act appropriately silly actually. He's not serious all the time. Yes he's a killjoy but he'll also call you a schoolboy. The banter??? God I love the banter. The bit with 'papa' at the lake actually killed me and I almost whipped out a whole essay right there. GOD he plays off of Harry so well. ALSO!!! ACTUALLY VALIDATING HIS FEELINGS IN THAT SCENE!! MEETING HIM HALFWAY, NOT TAKING A STEP BACK. HARRY IS MENTALLY ILL, AND YOU DON'T TELL THOSE PEOPLE THEIR DELUSIONS/BELIEFS/IN THIS CASE BRAIN VOICES ARE NOT REAL OR THAT THEY DON'T MATTER!!! GOD. The talk of Kim being actively curious about Harry's voices, too? The 'Dreamer' bit? Oh my godddd. I hope we see Harry introduce more of the skills to Kim, I'd love for that to be an ongoing literary thread of Harry giving bits of his heart on a silver platter. Man.

Okay I'm rambling but the last thing I'll mention is the actual MYSTERY!! It being mostly kids/teenagers??? KNOWING AND ACKNOWLEDGING HARRY USED TO BE A GYM TEACHER AND USED TO INTERACT AND TEACH KIDS? That has to be devastating, right?? You could have known them. In another life. One was LITERALLY coming back from soccer practice. It could have been you, losing one of your students. Whos to say be didn't lose them before? God. Just- god. He joined the cops for the city, for the people- and they keep dying anyway.

(I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT YOUR FIC!!! SO NORMAL RIGHT NOW!!! I PROMISE. IT'S VERY LOVELY.)

Holy shit thank you for the fresh brainworms!! Eating them like a bird.

Poor Harry is sopping wet and going through it. He's exactly the mix of pathetic + weird + potentially scary that I love to read and write about, and I am throwing him against the wall to see how he splats. Kim is less intuitive, especially when it comes to things like Harry's voices (the game text is very clear that he doesn't believe things talk to Harry, but also he cares a lot for him at this point and he knows that this is important to him!!) so I'm very happy to hear that that hit the mark.

Fun fact! I almost didn't even start this fic because I didn't think I could come up with skill dialogue! Thankfully they flow surprisingly easily. Echem 👏redemption 👏 arc! Give the guy some natural dopamine!

Oh god... Harry would have known so many of the district's youth... he absolutely had to take cases with kids he used to know. screaming and crying. I'm always thinking about how he's a cop to try to help people, but as a homicide detective he can only ever show up after it's too late. I'm hoping to find a place where he can help people (and the city) preventatively, rather than posthumously! I've found several lines in the game that point in a certain direction; hoping I can get there.

I'm glad we can all be so normal together :)

[percephilous]

realized I never uh!!! explained something really important to augusts lore to you guys feel like I should do that lol

"isnt that just the karma eye-" yes it is. BUT MORE AGHGHGHGHGHG it is basically my reasoning for how he gets 3rd person perspective. and cause its funny. "how does he know about that cutscene" CAUSE THE SEER LET HIM BABY is he aware of everything ever? no. the seer picks and choses what to show him because its a bitch. infact he usually gets very little more than things behind walls he shouldnt know about

he cannot!! actually see out of it. the information is kinda just there its up to him to remember it. it also gets REALLY annoying when hes trying to deal with other things

It can kind of talk to him to. gives him "hey trust me dude you want to be 2 steps back from where you are right now" before giritina attacks him. he doesnt always listen to it tho [glances at the deaths] rip gayboy. kinda has to mentally fight it considering it is "speaking" directly to his mind

it also flips the fuck out whenever the interceptor gets mentioned for a solid bit. when melia and erin were lookin up stuff in that big ol library he didnt get to know anything abt the interceptor because the seer heard interceptor and decided "finally!!! self destruct time" and hurt bro real bad [mentally] he's gotten to deal with it tho!! sucked for awhile,, but he won!!!! lets go white boy

its why he can still "hear" stuff despite being deaf [which he is] he knows what they said because the seer told him what they said. still cant hear jack shit and if the seer was off doing something irrelevant you will either: need to repeat it or more likely he will sit there silently and try to figure out what they said before everyone leaves and he is left confused [thats because im incompetent and dont listen to npcs when they talk] and wanders around for a bit

he isnt usually able to. do much with what he knows though. just make some uncanny references that he literally cannot explain and people have just kind of gotten used to FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION SOMETHING it is!! invisible to other people. only him. except in darchlight but that was just kinda a weird thing. it does appear occasionally and freaks people out but otherwise its fine

its come very far and is very cool and I like it very much because it makes my special little man just a little more special and I can never be normal ever

[sparatus]

ao3 meme

tagged by @omniblades-and-stars thanks daisy!!

tagging uhhh @helila @threewhiskeylunch @commander-krios @thetrashbagswasteland and whoever else wants to

my ao3 is NoisyNoiverns for the record

How many works do you have on AO3?

127. dont look at me.

What's your total word count?

normal amount. 1,365,339.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Broken Mirror - 127 kudos, mass effect, first fic of my no-reapers au

Coffee & Cuddling - 113 kudos, mass effect, shiara fluff piece i wrote for a fandom secret santa back in 2016

The Spectre's Greatest Enemy Is His Niece - 94 kudos, mass effect, kryterius + implied desabrudas, saren is babysitting his niece on the citadel when nihlus turns up. i think this was taniria's first ever appearance actually.

breathe in, breathe out - 90 kudos, mass effect, kryterius, short ask prompt fill

It's Not Like That (Except How It Is) - 83 kudos, mass effect, kryterius + implied desabrudas, yes-reapers au where both saren and nihlus survive me1, series of vignettes of saren insisting he's definitely not in love with nihlus despite all evidence to the contrary as observed by everyone around him

i mean it when i say i used to be an old god of kryterius before i veered off into desabrudas and sparatus/oc content yknow

Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

ehhh sometimes i do most times i dont, if a commenter asks a question i definitely will but i have chronic "read the notif and forget to say anything until like 5 years later" syndrome. i do read them all and try to give shoutouts in the longfic a/ns tho

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

oh man that's tough, i dont usually go for angsty endings cause i have So Much Depression to begin with but. probably gonna have to say All We Can Do (mass effect, sparatus/oc), specifically because there really isn't an ending, there's no resolution. the fic focuses on the pain and terror ierian and teia are struggling with watching their new baby fight for her life in the hospital, and we end still there. callie doesn't get better by the end, eri and teia just have to sit in that limbo. i put it in my author's note that cal survives and grows up happy and healthy, but at the point of the ending, the pov characters dont know that and the audience just has to sit there with the ache.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

alright that's harder cause i love me a good happy and/or relieved ending. let's say At the End of the Rainbow (no-reapers desabrudas post-shanxi) cause it's the first one i found while scrolling that definitely i would call a happy positive hopeful ending

Do you write crossovers?

nahhh, ill consider them but ive never written one. m.e. x stellaris tempts me tho

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

people have gotten real mad at exdiff for having a nonbinary protagonist and broken mirror in particular for having a muslim woman who wears hijab in it

also some dude willfully misinterpreted everything i put in serpents in the garden (my m.e. big bang fic, oooh you wanna go read my xenopolitics nonsense so bad) and that upset me pretty bad (the comment is deleted but i still have the screenshot somewhere, basically criticized my entire plot and analysis because he just desperately wanted the councilors to be dumb and incompetent that bad and couldn't accept that i was positing otherwise)

Do you write smut?

not really, at least nothing published. i have a few M-rated fics but i dont go into too much detail it's all non-graphic

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah the original rise & reign and now the rewrite (i swear im still working on it adhd just went wheeee) are co-written with my partner @lightspeedpowerpunk aka xMidnightSun :3

What's your all time favorite ship?

you can't ask me that. if i must choose then probably a four-way tie between desabrudas kryterius barrix and spirian (sparky and my oc for his wife) but are we really surprised by that answer

What's a WIP that you want to finish don't think you ever will?

desperately want to finish uneasy lies the head aka bad end cause its soooo juicy but. dont like rehashing canon events. could just skip ahead to the next fic where it gets Juicy and we really get into the canon deviation but mltdog is necessary to actually set it up

note: i am notoriously stubborn and am hoping that answering bad end here will give me motivation to continue if only because my brain loves proving itself a liar

What are your writing strengths?

character work and worldbuilding, also i'm told my banter and dialogue are really good

What are your writing weaknesses?

TRANSITIONS MY OLD NEMESIS. also i personally hate writing action sequences and struggle a lot with them, i get comments saying i write them well but personally idk how since my experience writing them is "i hate this i hate this just get it over with"

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

don't worry about it.

What's the first fandom you wrote for?

i think. i think soul eater? it was either soul eater or hetalia (nods sadly along to booing), didn't really publish any of it tho cause i was 14 and anxious. it's for the best really

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet, but want to?

one of these days i'm going to pop up with stellaris fic about my custom empire. i tripped and got attached to the spiritualist pacifistic space peacocks. i am tying you to a chair and forcing you all to learn about the cevantian dynastic union against your will.

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

well that's just rude. gonna cheat and throw down uhhhh 5? 5's a good number

Still on Patrol - turian ocs, naval horror, turian sailors at palaven's north pole encounter an old patrol boat out at the edge of their territory

The Man in the Mask - desabrudas, pre-canon, there's something Off about desolas arterius and valis isn't quite prepared to find out what

Serpents in the Garden - pre-ME1 xenopolitics feat. my pet conspiracy theory. this was my mebb 2023 fic and im still so chuffed with it there's a lot of small notes in this and i still get periodic notes telling me i got people to see the councilors in a whole new light

Prince With a Thousand Enemies - cnclr sparatus backstory, from a small anxious kid growing up in the far north to a baby law student trying to rebuild his self-confidence after abuse to a demigod. if you ever see me say "shayustu in the shatha's den" i'm referencing this. inspired by that one quote from watership down

To Catch a Rabbit - the kryterius murder mystery that started a whole series. saren and nihlus get sent to babysit an interspecies conference and think they're getting a free vacation but oops there's a locked-room murder to solve, and also anita goyle and fedorian and the lady sparatus and macen barro and some others are here. and they both have huge stupid crushes on each other but think it's unrequited because they're so so smart in literally every department except this one.

honorable mention goes to Blood In the Water, because i really did pop off with that one but it's 2nd in a series. i think you could read it without the context of broken mirror but it does have spoilers for that

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 159. brb x oc

a/n:HELLO IM BACK......AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE MISSION SCENES TOO GOOD BUT BY GOD I'LL TRY FOR THE SAKE OF A N G S T (reblogs and comments are super encouraged <3)

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: fluff cause Rooster is the best husband ever.

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

116/117/118/119/120/121/122/123/124/125/126/127/128/129/130/131/132/133/134/135/136/137/138/139/140/141/142/143/144/145/146/147

/148/149/150/151/152/153/154/155/156/157/158

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! )

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @novastories @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

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@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2

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-

It was a nightmare. It had to be. She couldn’t wake up from it for some reason but it was a nightmare. As much as Beatrice wanted to stay at the hospital with her siblings, Bradley knew she had to rest because, well, she was pregnant.

Beatrice felt weak when she got home, she felt weak under the shower, weak while hiding herself under the covers and curling into a ball, wishing this was not happening. Maybe it was childish to do so, maybe she should’ve mentally prepared for something like this to happen one day but not now. Not now.

She just hugged herself tighter under the covers, her eyes hurt from crying, her body hurt from everything and all she wanted was to wake up and this to be over with.

You are so childish. You are thirty-one years old. And this is what you do? Pathetic.

“Leave me alone.” she begs the voice in her head, placing a pillow over her temple, “Please leave me alone.”

Your husband’s job is dangerous, and you don’t see him panicking. And yet here you are, crying, wanting to disappear…you are ridiculous. You are terrible, you are just a child still. No matter what, you are just a little incompetent child.

Beatrice whimpered, clenching her fists on the pillow cover, hearing the fabric creak under her iron grasp as she repeated over and over ‘it’s all in my head, it’s all in my head, it’s all in my head’ while rocking herself a bit. 

Rooster walked into the bedroom a few minutes after Beatrice was done, his own body tired by what happened. He checked on Nicole, thankfully their daughter was young enough to not appear too scared - unlike Bianca and Éwoyn, God, Bianca was so scared. He felt terrible for Leo and Cynthia- and was peacefully asleep in her crib. In reality he was worried about Bea, he knew she needed some time to cope and understand what was happening.

Hell, he knew what she was feeling. All too well.

He stops by the doorframe, one hand holding onto it as he looks over to the bed, the Beatrice lump was moving back and forth under the covers, a worried Jolene was staring at her then turned her head to Rooster, her big eyes wide and sad, not knowing how to help the brunette. Her tail wags because she knows he’s there to help Beatrice, she even walks closer to him, nosing his leg and then his hand, whining quietly, “I know,Jojo.” he whispers, “I know.”

He’s standing right by the edge of the bed, looking down at the lump that was Beatrice. His hand gently touches her shoulder which makes her flinch and scrunch up even more, “Baby?” no response but he can hear her sniffling, “Gorgeous.”

“W-What?”

“Is there space for another one under there?”

It takes a few seconds to get a reaction, but she eventually lifts the covers so he could slides under them. Rooster moves closer to her once the blanket falls back on top of their heads, Beatrice looked much smaller and weaker than she was, she looked back at him with those huge green eyes wide in horror. He knew that look all too well.

One of his hands came up to tuck a few strands behind her ear, they stuck to her cheek because of the tears and he frowned, “Gorgeous…I talked to Michael.”

“Hm.”

“He said your dad is looking better, he’s awake now.”

“That’s good.” but he’s still in the hospital, is what she doesn’t say. While he knows she’s happy, she has those thoughts in her mind.

What if he goes back to what he was?

What if he doesn’t leave the hospital?

What if I lose him?

“Do they think he’ll stay there long?”

Rooster’s hand drops from her face to her shoulder, then down to the flare of her right hip, “They don’t know, they’ll check on him.” he whispers, rubbing the patch of skin her shirt didn’t cover with the side of his thumb, feeling just the beginning of the bump reach his touch, “I asked Michael and Leo to keep up updated.”

“...that’s good.”

“How are you feeling?”

She snorts dryly, her eyes feeling sticky from crying so much, “How am I feeling.” she repeats not even as a question, but as a statement, “I feel fucking lost,Roos.’ was her response but she doesn’t look into his eyes when she says that, she’s staring at the white pillow cover and the tear stains on it, deciding it was better than meeting her husband’s soft eyes, “I am scared…I am so scared.”

“I know.”

“And it hurts.”

“It always does.” He repeats what he said to her earlier, because it was just like that. It was this pain that hit you in every part of your body. Every time he went to the hospital with his mother, he always felt it’d be the last and when he thought she was much better…well, then it happened and he doesn’t know what’s worse, “But crying helps.”

“I’ve been crying nonstop for thirty minutes.” she mumbles, ‘My eyes hurt,my head hurts…everything fucking hurts,Brad.”

Rooster's heart ached as he listened to Beatrice's words, her pain and fear palpable in her voice. 

He pulled Beatrice closer to him, wrapping his arms around her gently but firmly, offering her the warmth and comfort she desperately needed. The covers enveloped them, creating a cocoon of solace amidst the chaos.

"I know, gorgeous," he whispered against her hair, his voice filled with empathy. "Sometimes crying is the only release we have when the pain becomes too much to bear. It's okay to let it all out, to grieve, to feel scared. You're not alone in this."

Beatrice's body trembled against his, her tears dampening his shirt as she clung to him. He honestly didn’t care, he only cared for her wellbeing right now.Rooster held her tighter, his touch a steady presence, a reminder that he was there for her no matter what.

"He’s strong, Bea," he murmured, his voice steady and unwavering. "Stronger than we both give him credit for. Rafael is going to be alright.”

She sniffled and buried her face deeper into his chest, “I-I know but…I just…I don’t wanna repeat myself,Roos. I don’t wanna voice my fears.”

Rooster held her even tighter, "You don't have to voice your fears if you don't want to, Bea. But remember, I'm here for you, always. I'll hold your fears with you, I'll carry them so you don't have to bear them alone." he could feel her small smile against his chest, her cheek flexing in thanks.He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, his lips lingering there for a moment before he continued, "We'll face whatever comes our way together, one step at a time. And we'll keep hoping, keep believing in the strength of your dad and the love of our family."

Beatrice nodded against his chest, her grip on him never loosening. The weight of her emotions was still heavy, but she found solace in the knowledge that Rooster was there with her, still and always being her rock when she needed it.

"I love you, Roos," she whispered, her voice muffled against his shirt. "Thank you for being here for me."

Rooster's heart swelled with love for her, his voice filled with tenderness as he responded, "I love you too, gorgeous. You know I got you,honey.."

She laughs softly, the first time that night that she actually did so, wiping her face with one of her hands as she met his eyes, furrowing her brows a bit, “My eyes are really hurting.” he tsks, rubbing his thumbs over the swollen lids, “That was a bad idea.”

“You are sad.” he answers with a shrug, ‘You can’t blame yourself for it,baby.”

“I know…God…did I have dinner?”

“You did, you don’t remember?’ she shakes her head and honestly he doesn’t worry too much about it. He knows that certain traumatic events like these could affect her in such a way she wouldn’t remember the most obvious moments. He went through that too. Too often, “Are you hungry?”

“No,I guess I was just trying to…remember things that happened after we left the hospital.” she whispered, nuzzling the pillow with her arms crossed over her bust, “I should message Shells. She asked me to keep her updated.”

“It’s midnight now.” he adds, “She’s probably awake, I know how she can get whenever stuff like that happens to you.” 

Beatrice smiles sweetly because Rooster was now so used to her friendship circle that he knew what her friends would be doing and wouldn’t care about it. She snuggles closer to him, propping her chin on his pectorals so her head is angled upwards, “You are just so sweet.” he smirks, kissing her forehead, “...you really are. I’m a lucky girl.”

“I’m the luckiest guy here.” he coos, rubbing her chin, “Cause I’m married to you.” and her cheeks heat up,appearing even redder from the shadows coming from the blanket, “Do you want some hot cocoa?”

“...you know, I think I do.” and the blanket is pulled off their heads by an impatient Jolene, who is tugging the covers off with a gentle ‘boof!’ escaping her maw. Beatrice laughs as she sits up, immediately cooing and babying the pitbull, reassuring her that she was okay, then kissing the top of her huge head. As Jolene trots away from the room,Beatrice sits on the edge of the bed with her hands between her thighs, shoulders slumped and eyes closing as she allows the silence to envelop her.

Rooster’s warmth appeared next to her side and Beatrice smiles with her eyes closed, feeling his hand slide towards hers, interlacing their fingers together, “...I don’t wanna cry again.”

“I know.”

She inhales deeply, blinking her eyes open so she could meet his, “He’ll be okay, he’s strong. He will be back on his feet in no time.”

“Yep.” he smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “He sure will…now, hot chocolate?”

��Yes,please.”

-

He did sleep partially well, he was still…digesting everything that happened with Rafael and how Beatrice was dealing with it. He only passed out when Beatrice did close her eyes, he’s a bit sleep deprived but nothing he couldn’t handle. As he makes his way to Cyclone’s office, he drops his eyes to his phone to check on Beatrice.

The text messages from Beatrice brought a small sense of relief. She had visited her father that morning, accompanied by Nicole. It was a comforting thought to know that Beatrice wasn’t alone, he knew that Michael picked her up early that morning and that made him feel at ease.

He inhaled quietly, blowing air through his mouth as he placed his phone into his pocket as soon as he reached Cyclone’s door, knocking it twice “Come in.” he hears. He steps inside the office, salutes his superior and his eyes immediately drop to a mug that Cyclone is bringing to his lips

1# Best Grandpa in big bold white letters. Cyclone still has the mug tilted to his mouth, blue eyes staring Bradley down and one brow going up. The two men share a quiet conversation with their eyes before the Vice-Admiral clears his throat, “It was uh…Evelyn’s gift.” he says quietly, “One of the firsts since she announced her pregnancy.”

“Oh.” Rooster smiles shortly, ‘It’s pretty nice sir.”

“Yes,I um,ahem.” he sets the mug down “It is-now, Bradshaw, I’ll let you know that you’ll be deployed in three days.” he says as he flips through his files, pulling a beige colored folder and handing it over to him, “You’ll be the leader of this mission.”

Rooster’s short exhale was missed by his superior because of course he’d be deployed in three days after his father in law was admitted to the hospital. Life sure is funny sometimes, “Yes sir.”

“I want you to know this will be hard.” Cyclone says while nodding to the file.

Rooster took the folder from Cyclone's outstretched hand and opened it, scanning the contents within as quickly as he could. His expression remained composed, though his mind raced with a mixture of emotions. It was challenging to process the timing of the deployment, but Cyclone didn’t need to know that.

"I understand, sir," Rooster replied, his voice steady. "I'm prepared to take on the mission and lead the team."

Cyclone leaned back in his chair, studying Rooster intently. "Good. I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t think you could take it, Bradshaw. “

“Thank you sir.”

“You are welcome,now.” Cyclone adds, “I'll leave you to review the details. If you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to reach out."

"Understood, sir. Thank you."

With a final nod, Rooster turned and left Cyclone's office, clutching the folder tightly in his hand.He let out a heavy sigh once he was out of earshot from the Vice-Admiral, closing the door behind him with his eyes closing with the weight of everything. He tried to keep his head high as he walked away, nodding to everyone that passed by until he saw Maverick in the distance, “Thank God.” he speeds his step, he needed someone else's voice in his mind besides his own.

His uncle looks up when he hears footsteps approaching, he knows to look anywhere, “I heard about what happened to Rafael, how’s he?”

“He’s stable.” Rooster whispered, tucking the file under his arm, “Bea’s siblings are keeping us updated.”

“How’s Bea?”

Rooster sucks air through his teeth, then purses his lips, “Not…great but she’s managing it.”

Maverick's face softened as he observed the weariness in Rooster's expression. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on his nephew's shoulder.

"I know this must be tough for both of you," Maverick said, his voice filled with empathy. "But you're strong, Rooster. And you've always been there for Bea and Nikki…and the twins.. She'll  be fine."

Rooster nodded, giving his uncle a small appreciative smile. "I'm doing my best, Mav. I just wish I could do more, you know? And I’ll be deployed in three days…so.”

Maverick's grip tightened on Rooster's shoulder, his eyes reflecting a mix of concern and understanding. “I know it's not easy, especially with the deployment looming ahead," Maverick replied,. "But remember, Rooster, you're not alone in this. We're family, and we'll support each other through thick and thin. You've always been a rock for Bea and Nikki, and even when you're away, your love and support will still be with them."

Rooster's gaze dropped to the folder in his hand, his thoughts swirling with the weight of his responsibilities. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions.

"I know, Mav," he admitted, his voice tinged with frustration. "I just…it happened so much, so fast. A few hours ago I was spending time with Nikki, preparing dinner with her and Bea was excitedly telling Penny about the pregnancy and then."

Maverick squeezed Rooster's shoulder reassuringly. "I know Rooster. But…that’s how life is.” his done turns somber and he looks away, “Sometimes stuff happens and you can’t expect it, even if you think about it.” he doesn’t elaborate but Rooster knows.

He just knows.

“Anyway,” says Mav after clearing his throat, “That the mission file?’ his nephew nods, “Can I read it?”

“You didn’t get one?”

“Not yet.” he grabs the folder from Rooster’s hand, scanning every line with his brows slowly furrowing more and more as he kept on, “...interesting.”

“What?”

“I knew something was fishy.” he laughs humorlessly, “Yeah, this is going to be…complicated.” if Maverick, a pilot with years of service ahead of Rooster says that with such a forlorn expression, the younger pilot doesn’t know how to feel about it. He read it, it looked hard but now he was having second thoughts, “But it’s doable. It always is.” he hands the file back to his godson, then pats his shoulder, “Come on, join me for a quick coffee?”

“You don’t usually drink coffee this early.” he comments, but does follow him down the corridor. Maverick turns his head towards him, his light eyes appearing weary.

"I guess today is an exception," Maverick replies with a sigh. "Sometimes, you just need a little extra boost to get through the day. So, you wanna go?” 

“...yeah.” Rooster smiles softly, “I’ll go.”

[dilatorywriting]

Okay since someone opened the angst wormhole I'm gonna add one tiny counterpoint to the Leona angst.

I would counter that any "Leona ignores you and acts like he doesn't care" problem would be before the start of the relationship. Because he wouldn't bother entering the relationship at all (thereby making himself vulnerable and asking them out and/or accepting them asking him out, both of which is an open admission of his feelings) if he hadn't already made up his mind that he's going to try and fight for that person.

I could see him slipping into a "i dont care, im ignoring you" mode if, for some reason, he's convinced that you're going to break up with him and/or that you're secretly crushing on someone else so it's only a matter of time before the relationship is over. But otherwise, I don't think Leona would put forward the effort and comittment needed to start a relationship with someone if he wasn't prepared to try and make it work.

In other words, I dont think he dates casually because, like you said, he has a "why I should I even try" mentality. And it takes effort to actually go on a date. Effort that Leona's not going to give, unless he's legitimately interested in persuing that person. So when he does find someone he wants to date, him deciding to actually act on his desire to do so would involve overcoming that "why should i try" instinct. Otherwise the relationship isn't gonna start in the first place, unless it's some kind of arranged marriage thing. And if he goes through the effort of starting the relationship, then I dont think he'd purposely let it fall apart by being inattentive/pushing his partner away because, why bother putting all that effort into starting it in the first place then? The whole thing would be a waste of time, and he might get his heart broken in the process. It would've been easier to just ignore his feelings and not persue the other person from the start.

His "i'm not good enough" insecurities would definitely still be a problem, sure, but I think it'd come out as more of a "I'm not going to tell you about my inner demons/insecurities. I'm going to bottle them up and bury them, and pretend that everything is fine". And then that either ends with the s/o slowly but surely peeling back the layers until Leona slowly learns to communicate healthily, or something causes the little bottle to erupt in an emotional outburst, and the s/o has to be prepared to give emotional support.

Oh definitely! And I'll give my disclaimer that this is like me intentionally digging for angsty things, and therefore looking at him at his Absolute Worst. I think he could and would fight for things he wants, particularly post overblot when he's managed to get a lil of his Built Up Issues out of his system.

From an Angst perspective, I just always think of the end of his chapter, right before he overblots. All his mechanations are called out, all his schemes and problems put right on the front line with Ruggie being thrown under the bus with him. And he just pretty much immediately goes 'whatever. I give up. I don't care.' So if a moment came up where his S/O was like "I wish you'd put more effort in," if I'm working off Peak Emotionally Incompetent Leona, I could see him immediately sliding too 'I knew I wasn't going to be good enough. Whatever. I don't care' and then the whole ignoring/silent treatment coming into play. But all of this also depends heavily on the type of person he was with. Ideally, he would be with someone who's willing to take the emotional reins, so to speak. Someone who's willing to stand up and be like 'nope. Nu uh. Nice try, Mister Asshole. But we're Dealing With This, and dealing with it now.' But again, to make as Peak Angst as possible, this would have to be with an S/O who was a lot meaker, and who isn't necessarily good at pushing forward. It's one thing to be willing to pursue a relationship, and if you're with someone who gets his vibe, I think he'd be fine! But the really, sticky, messy shit would come with someone who was also wracked with self-worth issues. Because then if there was a strong start, it's hard to build someone up and help them face their demons when you can't manage those same demons.

Either way! That's with me being as absolutely harsh on him as possible and intentionally making the situation Awful in order to make it Hurty. But I do genuinely think it wouldn't be nearly as much of a problem if the S/O had a more complimentary personality

[felonytaxevasion]

Ok you know what I'm gonna complain about Ward for like three (that was hubris it ended up being like ten) not proofread paragraphs then I'm gonna get back to the clown mines (the clown Mimes??? One could say)

But spoilers and general ward rudeness below.

Disclaimer that I have three more arcs and also I got my degree in drawing pretty pictures Im not the most media literate person out there I probably missed something

See what's driving me absolutely bonkers about Ward is that. It is called Ward. And it is about a traumatized former child soldier taking partial custody of current child soldiers. And also the former protagonists are mostly relevant because they also have guardianship of child soldiers who are friends with the other child soldiers. And the book is ostensibly NOT about parenthood and guardianship.

All of the best parts of Ward are about Breakthrough watching out for Kenzie (and Chris before they decided they don't care anymore) and the Undersiders with the heartbroken + Aiden. The fact even 17 chapters in Victoria and Lisa still don't really like each other but are working together because at the end of the day they would both drop everything to help the kids is such good characterization.

And it also works!! with the whole Amy Dallon Problem!!! Because the canon establishes that Amy became a Problem because of her dysfunctional family unit led by Carol. And then Victoria is put in charge of sort of dysfunctional family unit, doesn't notice how bad Chris is getting and he goes villain. Same character arc as Amy but it doesn't lead Victoria to change any values she has about her family. She doesn't blame herself for Chris and become more sympathetic to Amy in the process. But also she doesn't become more sympathetic to Carol now that Chris has affirmed her world view that "some people are bad and you can't do anything about it."

By the by Amy is also given Wards of her own in Riley, Dot, and Hunter but none of them get to interact with the Tenders and or even get to be parallels to them. Amy doesn't get to care for her "kids" in the way Vic Lisa and Aisha do. Her kids are irrelevant, not human, and just a victim of her respectively. Oh and she also has Chris but now he's spontaneously a full adult so nevermind all that. And I want Amy to be a villain I don't care if she's a bad guardian or still demonized but I wish they could do it in an interesting way that contrasts our protagonists. Cause instead she's a villain because she's so incompetent at being a hero she ends up being a villain on accident. Which is BORING! IM BORED!

And all the Amy villain blandness is supposed to somehow tie back to the central theme of self identity but none of breakthroughs identity crisises are written in a way that, at least to me personally, emotionally hit. Except Sveta. Hang on actually I'm going through the list.

Victoria's identity is supposedly fragmented between Glory Girl, The Wretch, Antares, """The Warrior Monk""", and The Scholar. But in practical terms these identities have very little tangible difference. Glory Girl hits like a brute without remorse, Antares hits like a brute and considers if she should feel remorse and then doesn't unless it's her mom, the wretch is externalized into being her shard which is fully a different character, and the Warrior Monk and Scholar are just ideologies she wants to follow but never feels frustration at not being able to adhere to. She never hits and is like "oh time to have a crisis because I was trying to be more of a pacifist" she tends to usually say to herself "oh the warrior monk would be fine with that" which is good writing IF you're making a delusional weeaboo character who we're meant to see as insane but I think we're supposed to like Vic so!! What are we doing here!!!

Ashley makes Her defining identity choice, the thing that separates her from Damsel, Off Screen and it isn't even shown as a flashback in her interlude. The part where she turns herself in for attacking Beast of Burden is a good continuation of that arc but the turning point was her choice to receive amnesty and try to be someone different. Which again. Off screen before the story started!

Just like Rain!!! Who once again gets a moment I genuinely think is good where he fully rejects the Fallen by not marrying Erin but again!! That's just a follow through of his self identity turning point that happened before the story started!!!

Which is also Tristan and Byron!!!!!! First of all I think that in a book about self identity and bleed through and knowing where you start and the people around you stop, it's insane that Tristan and Byrons crisis starts not because they realize they're losing themselves in the others personality but because they have opposite sexualities. Personally if I was gonna make gay panic the whole thing with them I would have the inciting incident be one of them starting to feel bisexual attraction as a result of being in their brothers head so often and getting upset about losing a facet of their identity they felt was critical. But whatever!! Even with the existing crisis it happens!!! Before the story!!! Tristan decides to kill Byron and then that he wants his brother back! Before! The! Main! Story! Happens!

The only characters who have a definitive turning point are Sveta and Chris. Chris is almost immediately written out of the story after his turning point. And Sveta actually is really good and I have no notes I think it was really well executed. I love you Sveta.

I'm not even sure where to put Kenzie since her struggles seem to mostly be about changing habits and behaviors rather than identity. She seems like she can easily envision a Kenzie that's better but still Kenzie. And she is super attached to her tech but I haven't read any scenes where it feels like she doesn't feel like herself without her tech. She just feels unwanted which is good writing! I like how Kenzie is written I think it just doesn't tie in to the central theme.

Anyway rant over I maybe will delete this later but this book is driving me bonkers crazy

[cmyk-anaglyph-honeycomb]

Hazbin hotel Episode 6 Live Blogging

It's past midnight on a work day I'll see if I can get through this. I'm not editing this good luck to both of us.

SPOILERS

Okay to start, less than a minute in, Charlie wants to prove that a sinner can ve redeemed. But she has no proof. None of the hotel gang are acting that much better than when they started. Sure they get a long better,but that doesn't make them good people. War crimes are usually commited in groups. Comradery is neutral.

So much for Vaggie supporting Charlie, huh. I get not wanting to go to heaven for this meeting, but considering how badly the last one, excluding whether she knows about the contract thing, having support to help talking things out is a good thing. Especially, with Charlie being prone to singing her point instead of explaining it.

Cherry bomb...finally. I'm sorry but the way Angel announced her felt like a sitcom. Cue canned cheering.

He's been texting all day?? I thought he was working with Val for 16 hours straight. i don't care about breaks, its Val we're talking about.

The wall blowing up is going to a constant gag huh.

Charlie inserting her will in what Angel is doing is annoying at best, but a kick in the teeth after the shit she caused in Ep 4. It's not the same thing the wow did she not learn.

[Pen is hitting on cherry. Nevermind with this Im going to bed]

[11hrs later and im back]

First angel on screen, I didn't think the designs for them would be grand, bootleg christian tv special was not what i would've expected.

The static is back. this is going to drive me insane.

The book he's holding is pretty, can't wait to see it in the merch store.

Okay nevermind, only his design is boring. That's a lot of the same-ish color but I like the look of the two new angels.

the short one is Charlie too, I have hope for her- oh god song incoming.

It is literally only his design that's boring, that had to be on purpose. I like the way heaven looks, I like the designs of the residents. everything is good so far.

Buff angels

the song is like a 4/10. Visuals doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

Exorcist lady has a face!? I hope Adam is in this one scene only, there's already been too much of him.

The static glitter is everywhere and I hate it.

So the exterminations are a secret in heaven, interesting. Adam's the one pushing the exterminations!?!? And heaven's just letting him do it cuz he's the first dickbag or whatever, what?

Vaggie's a former exorcist!? That explains why she didn't want to go back to heaven. And the military thing in episode 3.

Okay i get the threat of adam telling Charlie Vaggie's secret, but like, sinners kill each other all the time. Angel goes on killing sprees with Cheery, per the pilot. Pen has had two war blimps. Husk was and overlord, Alastor is one currently. Vaggie killing sinners isn't that much different and if she confess why she she was left in hell Charlie going to forgive her.

Also, why are there children in hell? There's no answer to that that isn't horrifying.

I hate Adam but showing actual evidence should have been the first thing the prepared. Also, a bunch of dictionary definitions, really. At this point they're just incompetent.

Was worried we were going to have a redue of the news broadcast from the pilot but asking Adam how to get into heaven is a neat turn around.

Nevermind it us a redo of the pilot fuck. Why.

Husk- "you want to fick up all your progress-" What fucking progress!?! We as the audience have seen no change in any of them.

Why are the angels upset Charlie said fuck, Adam's been saying it and no one's cared.

Cherry's character is tanking early that's neat. And Pen's hitting on hesr again, ugh.

Great, Cherry's actions have directly pushed Angel towards his abuser who he was trying to avoid, wonderful. I hate this so much.

Why is angel the one getting niffty!?! I wouldn't call what happened with val a win, but it is a step forward

No one knows how to get into heaven, okay. My feelings on that are mixed.

Song #2

It's already been 5 months? so what, an episode per month?

The fire in the eyes of the angel is a neat shot.

thousands of demons, that’s kinda low isn't it. Considering no ine knows how to get into heaven, I'm thinking it might be closer to an even slit with heaven maybe having a bit more % wise.

I like this more than Ep 5.

Was looking forward to seeing cherry in the show, she was disappointing. Kinda a half assed friend. Because she was so pushy with Angel he not only had an encounter with Val, heaven was less persuaded by Charlie's bid for their redemption.

(wrote something else here but it got deleted and I don't remember so oops on that.)

[strangewiggles]

another bertie (and micky) post but its not lyrics this time.

long bertie character thoughts post. very long. very gibberish.

[ EDIT NOTE: dont take this post insanely seriously or extremely canon or anything, its late and im tired and when i do character speculations they’re usually word salad in the vague form of a real point. ]

i kind of wonder how self-aware bertie is? or if she ever grows into being fully self aware?

i realized recently, after making a sketch comic (which i wanna color and post at some point) about bertie as a kid, that bertie (as an adult) can hardly take care of herself. she definitely lacks a huge chunk of self awareness that a normal adult would have.

i wouldnt say she’s essentially a big adult baby or anything, she’s actually fairly intelligent…she’s got book smarts. she’s an econ major and enjoys math to some extent. she did well in school growing up. all that.

but she doesn’t know how to … be a person. she’s 1 of 2 kids, 10 years younger than her sister. her parents, expecting bertie to jusr be a fully grown adult out of the womb, treat her like an idiot, way into adulthood (resulting in bertie going to college around 22. close to when micky started, but for different reasons). but they dont teach her anything. she should just know.

in the aforementioned sketch comic, little bertie (approx. 10 years old), makes dinner for herself while the rest of her family is god-knows-where. she learned to make a pot of spaghetti from watching her mom do it, and ultimately fails, despite telling her sister over the phone that she didn’t. even as a young kid, in this comic bertie is very aware of how her family thinks of her. they give up on her easily.

she needs to know how to do the task. immediately. correctly. independently.

ADDITIONALLY, bertie’s family leaves her alone as a kid very, very often. it definitely toes the line of neglect, if not going totally over it. aside from learning how to do things by observing, a lot of times she straight up had to guess.

and, yknow, thats not to say her relationship with her family is bad. she loves them. but being 10 while your sibling is 20 is a hard thing to live up to with these standards her parents have.

it internalizes.

…this lack of “adulting” knowledge makes her a bit of a …slob. unintentionally. she does what she can, like she doesn’t trash micky’s apartment, but she has a hard time consistently cleaning or doing chores. knowing when or how to do them. (not to say shes TOTALLY INCOMPETENT. but she has to teach herself how to do things. the right way. everything mentioned before has made her a very proud and independent person.) …which is why she kinda works as a roommate to someone whos attached to her. Micky. micky is okay with picking up after her and doing things for her. cooking and such. which, i think, can contribute to any current (while w micky) lack of self awareness. this never poses a problem unless bertie tries to do something on her own and micky tries to help, causing bertie to act out, (wrongfully)accusing micky of thinking she’s dumb. most of the time, though, i can see bertie purposefully neglecting to help out of embarrassment.

…but how does this work EMOTIONALLY. emotional self-awareness. or even just general emotional awareness. does she know when she’s being irrational? does she know when she hurts someone else’s (micky’s) feelings? how often?

i wrote down once that bertie probably notices when she’s being a dick ‘most of the time’…just very belated. she believes there’s a time limit on apologies, which results in her not apologizing ‘most of the time.’

but it’s not only apologies..

its this panel that made me think “how self aware is she? when? how consistently?” in the moment of me drawing this, her hand framed here was just her fidgeting, or she wasn’t even really supposed to actively be thinking about her hands. reflecting back, now im just thinking about the claws and the positioning. is bertie aware of her claws here? is this a display of her being “bad to be around”? does bertie think that her and micky being around eachother is bad for the both of them, or does she think that her being around micky is bad for micky? is bertie are that she’s at fault? when did she realize?

“well jesse you wrote the damn thing so—” WELL I ONLY JUST THOUGHT ABOUT IT OKAY.

originally i just wanted bertie to make terms with the fact that her relationship with micky was dysfunctional. right there in that moment. in am’s car. i think she knew, partially, when she micky suggested that she move out, but didn’t realize her part in it so much. it took things getting VERY bad before she realized things were… bad!

it definitely took her months to make this observation:

(the addition of “i think…” was very intentional here to show bertie’s lack of… any general awareness)

ive written that bertie is… unaware of how far micky’s mental issues go for a long time. she still doesn’t completely get it, or her part in it. she doesn’t ever — to me, anyway — fully realize how much her actions effect micky.

i think im rambling a little and this post HAARDLY makes sense, its 2 am, so ill try to answer my own questions so i can stop typing this already because my earbuds are dying.

i want to leave bertie’s amount of self-awareness fluid, but still slim. i personally think (and i definitely want to write it in a way where anyone can make their own interpretations of her) that bertie is aware of her incapabilities as they become immediately apparent to her. it takes things getting bad before she’s aware of her own mental state and that of the people around her. things need to be obvious to her before she realizes. but MAYBE. maybe. she’s in a constant state of denial. her character, as previously mentioned, is very proud. snippy. i think she can deny reality so hard that it doesnt exist to her. its easy when she parties, gets drunk, high. i think reality is whatever she needs it to be.

…i also think this post is also kinda gibberish. enjoy