#not just for negative emotions. mostly the positive ones like awe and affection and beauty

[carlyraejepsans]

asgore saw a bee gently land on a flower petal and cried at the beauty of nature, like, the other day. toriel had a breakdown so bad she passed out on the floor the moment her children's deaths fully caught up with her and then she got back up and hasn't shed a tear since in 700 years

[familyagrestefanblog]

Analysis of the Family Agreste Portrait

Quarantine strikes again and since the Agreste family portrait has fascinated me for a loooong while now I decided to put my thoughts into words and write another essay x3

The amount of informations we get out if it is amazing and its not only highlighting the absolute TRAGEDY it is that this family is about to face such a horrible fall out, it also hints at the former family dynamic before everything went to hell.

So make yourself comfortable and get something to drink, because we will be here for a while.

Here we go: My analysis of this beauty of a fictional portrait

Let's start with the most obvious one: Hawkmoth.

Its commen knowledge by now that the background makes it seem like Hawkmoth is standing behind the Agreste family like a bad omen waiting for fate to take its course and cause their doom. The portrait is brilliantly designed so the illusion is created that Gabriels body (here in a blue suit closer to Hawkmoths normals dark purple one) overlaps with Hawkmoths and a darker line is connecting the two faces as well, which rest on the same height right beside each other. The very same line grows bigger as it goes further behind Emilie - coloring her entire background - showing us that EMILIE is all Gabriel sees when he becomes Hawkmoth. But notice that Adrien on the other hand can hardly be concidered part of Gabriels “sight” at all.

Its forshadowing 101 and damn beautiful if I may say so. But this isnt what I want to focus on in this post.

I want to elaborate on two other key factors that tell us about the former dynamic of the Agrestes instead and what they tell us about the present and future.

The heart:

This is hitting me on another level because look at the heart these three form with Adrien right in the middle! He was so LOVED. This family may have never been anywhere close to ideal but still, there was LOVE and now he's gonna loose it all.

Adrien already lost his mother which led to his father getting even more distant and cold and now his father is becoming increasingly more abusive as he falls deeper and deeper into villainy. Gabriel was never a good father, the show has already made this clear with episodes like "the bubbler", “the collector” or "Gigantitan" for example but gosh there was hope for their little family! The end scene in "Jackady" portrayed it perfectly and I wrote a whole other post just covering the sigificants of Adriens and Gabriels hug in that episode. Check it out here if you want, it goes hand in hand with this one.

Miraculous is all about love and the completely different ways it can affect us, our behavior and actions. Because love isnt just wonderful, pure and empowering, it also can be twisted, destructive and cause the darkst nightmares. And with this family the writers know how to portray the complex love in an abusive houshold thats destined to go up in flames and they also know how to hint at their troubled past with the family portrait.

But this heart visual tells us even more in connection with the positions of their hands. And with these two key factors, lets start with Gabriel:

His hands convey it so strongly. He loves/d Emilie and Adrien so much and no doubt this love for them was certainly the reason why he started his quest as Hawkmoth. But he is now losing himself more and more in the pleasure of his villainy to the point where he forgets why he's doing it in the first place and becomes a complete monster (of a father). But this turn and spiraling into villainy didn't came out of nowhere - this root already had to be in him to grow like that. And this is also something the portrait indeed hints at as well.

Because Gabriel is the only one of the three who:

1. We see so completely open and without hesitation reach out and hold BOTH his family members.

2. Is visually “cut off” from them as well.

But this doesn't mean he was excluded and the only one who truly cared and loved, it just shows that things were more... complicated...as usual.

This is best explained with Adriens hand placements:

One hand is holding his mothers but the other one is visibly not reaching out for his father. But as we all know, that's not because Adrien doesn't love him. In season 1-3 it is made more than clear that Adrien does not hate his father - he loves him alot and tries to be there for him and be patient because he knows that the loss of his mother brought his father terribly down.

Sure, Adrien gets frustrated and angry with him, literally how could he not?? But Adrien tries his best to reach out to Gabriel so they can bond and come out of this tragedy stronger.

But this loving willingness to forgive his father for the chance of growing a father-son bond with him doesn't change the fact that these two didn't had a bond prior to this. And let's be honest here, does anybody actually think this distance between them was caused by Adrien? I don't think so.

So notice how Adriens hand - not reaching out for his fathers - is the only one in the portrait NOT inside or forming the heart.

When the connection of the hands between the family members symbolise their connection to another, then Adrien keeping the hand for his father away from the display of love is VERY telling. It tells us very directly what this distance did to Adriens side of the relationship. Despite Gabriels hand being right there, Adrien does not meet the gesture. And I cannot believe that he did it out of resentment, nothing in the show indicated such strong negative emotions from past Adrien.

It's much more likely that Adrien not reaching for his fathers hand is meant to show us that Adrien felt that he either CAN'T return the gesture because he fears that it'll end in an unpleasant reaction from Gabriel - that it isn't Adriens "place" to reach out to his busy and distant father like that, like it's demanding something - or Adrien simply didn't took Gabriel laying his hand on his shoulder, in the context of posing for a portrait, as a gesture of love and affection.

The way I interpret the portrait is that prior to Emilies dissappearence Adrien did not exactly try to reach out to his father the same way he did from s1-s3, which, I mean, of course wasn't the case. Not only is it NOT the 13 years olds (or younger) job to form an emotional connection to their absent parent - when that’s the PARENTS job - it also wouldn't be necessarily "needed" for Adrien to do so.

Because Emilie at this point was still in the picture so and she was the complete opposite. She was a (or maybe the ONLY) safe, reliable and loving constant of parental attention, affection and care in his life and because of these two HARSH contrasts Adrien learned from very early on to focus mostly completely on her in that regard while kinda blocking his father out.

That most likely wasn't even an active choice whatsoever - Gabriel proofed to be an unreliable resource so Adrien learned to subconciously treat him that way out of self protection. That doesn't mean he had any kind of dislike or malice against his father it just means that he wasn't able or allowed to connect with Gabriel the way he needed. Several episodes show that Gabriel deadass only parented like 15 minutes tops in his life with one of the worst offenders kinda being “Gigantitan” ngl.

So yeah, when I see that the portrait wants to tell me that prior to Emilies loss, Adrien - a 12-13 year old at most - is THIS used to rely solely on the strong bond he has with his mother and not even really reaching out for his fathers love, then I can't help but interpret it in the way that... Well... Gabriel was so distant and emotionally unreliable to Adrien for all his life, that Gabriel simply... wasn't needed by his son. Not at that point of time at least.

And while this may seem weird, because obviously Adrien only now starts to stop craving for his fathers affection and approval (which is btw a horrible, HORRIBLE thing and not something good. A half orphan losing the last remaining hope he had left of having the chance to finally get to form a bond with the only other parent he has left, just to be crushed by disappointment and abandonment all over again until he let's go, is REALLY NOT as much of a good thing people will make it out to be. This is... plain awful) it's actually quite logical.

Adriens hand outside the heart doesn't mean that his father meant nothing to him and therefore refuses to meet and accept his affection (that's literally the complete opposite of what the show shows us), it means that Adriens and Gabriels father-son relationship suffers from a fatal emotional disconnection caused by miscommunication/ a lack of communication.

And this was caused by Gabriel. How? Let me elaborate on that by going a bit far afield (cuz lbh we all have time for this. I’m writing this in quarantine and youre reading this is quarantine, so lets gooooooooooooo).

In "The bubbler" Adrien says that his father "always forgot his birthday", but I cannot agree with this in true honesty. Gabriel is controlling his sons entire life, calls him "the epitome of perfection" and temporarily truly gave up being Hawkmoth for him, he definitely never forgot Adriens birthday.

"The bubbler" even SHOWS us that Adriens perspective of the situation is actually not the truth:

This is Adriens first birthday after Emilies dissappearence and it's incredibly telling how Gabriel handles the planning.

What this entire little sequence tells me is that Gabriel is completely and UTTERLY used to NOT be the one to take care of anything related to Adriens birthday. So Emilie was always the one who did it but somehow - now without her - Gabriel apparently still hasn't even considered changing anything about that nasty non-involvement and just expected Natalie to pick everything up where Emilie left it.

Because let's be real here, knowing Natalie she would NOT have forgotten to get a present if Gabriel truly had told her to. Natalie is never presented to do mistakes like that but Gabriel on the other hand IS definitely presented to us claiming things about himself as ultimate, blameless and true when they simply do not reflect reality. A great example: Gorizilla

You didn’t even speared a minutes of your time for Adrien and he DID try to! Asshat… It's a problem guys. The lack of self awareness Gabriel displays in moments like this is legitimately concerning when you think about how deeply this man is falling right now.

But back to the topic:

Because even if Gabriel didn't even consider doing anything himself for Adriens birthday - not even taking the time to SEE his son (who just recently lost his mother, come on Gabe, really?) - one thing one cannot hold against him: he sure as hell remembered Adriens birthday like any decent parent would and it wasnt portrayed as a this-year-for-the-first-time thing.

And yet Adriens statement still makes complete sense. Because a big, BIG problem with Gabriel is just how much he takes things for granted. He EXPECTS things to be universally known and to never be doubted, just because that's how HE sees them. I will write 10 essays if it's needed to make people understand that Gabriel DOES truly love Adrien, it's just that Gabriel HIMSELF is such a rotten, twisted and toxic person that he cannot see how much his (oppressing) behavior and the way he (doesn't) express his love hurts Adrien and that HE is the one at fault. (for more, once again, read this)

Gabriel LOVES Adrien but he takes the love he feels as such a matter-of-fact that he just completely... forgets to show it.

And when we take Adriens words and look at the Family portrait it unfortunately seems that...

…. Gabriel ALWAYS forgot to show it.

Adriens hand - that should at least be reaching out to his father - is outside of the heart in accepting certainty. Because that's what Gabriels non-presence was for Adrien while growing up: an unreliable and unreachable certainty he had to accept early on as safer to not try to emotionally depend on too much or else he will get hurt.

So yeah, Adrien is the one in the portrait who is very openly not reaching out but only because Gabriel never gave him the needed affection and stability to be able to create that bond.

But let me correct what I said a little earlier: Adrien ALWAYS needed his father. Every kid, especially one in a bad situation like Adrien, does need their parents/friends etc as support system to become independent and confident in a healthy way. And if they don’t have that they WILL crave and look for it!

What Adrien has been doing up to now IS normal for a teenager - humans NEED affection, belonging and safety. What ISNT/SHOULDN’T be normal is Adriens disconnection towards his father in the portrait and just how much Gabriel fails to take care and BE THERE for his son in BOTH TIMES!

Collector:

Bother Christmas:

One thing I like about the show is that it portrays their young main cast with one very important truth: The psyche of a child/teenager of their age will react and adapt so it SURVIVES, even if it results in unfortunate consequences in other relationships and places. Thats the psyches main concern and it'll try to cope with the limited experience and development it has in whatever way necessary to get itself to the next day. A coping mechanism is not there to make you a better person, it ensures your SURVIVAL, everything else is a secondary concern.

So seeing pre-show Adrien not react to Gabriels touch and even feel completely unloved and disconnected from him is no surprise to me. Kids are incredibly observant. They may lack the needed experience and knowledge to truly understand that they deserve better and to stand up for themselves but they are masters in picking up red flags in people and can put this danger into perspective while comparing the different danger levels of their options of people and places to adjust their behavior.

Feast:

Stormy Weather 2:

So the broken connection between father and son we see in the portrait (that Gabriel doesn't even notice but Adrien fully internalized) isn’t there because Adrien “didnt needed” or wanted his father, its because Adrien NEEDED Gabriel so much in his isolated upbringing but Gabriel didn’t LET him need him - so Adrien had to adjust to that accordingly. Big, huge, ENORMOUS difference.

Honestly the most miraculous thing about Miraculous is that Adrien was able to bring up the strength to stay positive and friendly and to forgive Gabriel in hope for a better future. That boys situation is 7 kinds of depressing and traumatizing...

It's just flabbergasting to me how well this portrait shows how basically non-existent their relationship was at that point. And it's horrible to know that this estranged and unformed bond is all Adrien had left after Emilie dissappeared, just alot worse because after Emilie incident Adrien states that his father changed alot for the worse as well.

So to think that all Adrien had left wasn't even this former basically non-existent relationship with his aloof father - who would only barely show his true affection for his son because he's either not around enough to do so or he thinks it "unnecessary to proof his affection" for/to Adrien because he already thinks it so obvious and undoubtable.

Well he thought wrong. And GOSH, it breaks my heart!

So now comparing the "Gabriel" hand from Adrien with the one representing his connections with his mother conveys a pretty harsh contrast.

Because last but not least, let's take a look at Emilies hand placements:

But here is now an interesting difference to Adrien. Whereas we openly see that Adriens side of the Adrien-Gabriel relationship is completely disconnected from the heart/love - showcasing just how badly Adrien has always been neglected by his father - we don't see Emilies hand in her Emilie-Gabriel relationship AT ALL.

Once again just like with Adrien, this doesn't mean she didn't love her husband and that Gabriel was used and fooled by the woman he so utterly adored. It just means that from Emilies point of view things were a bit more complicated. What exactly this is, the portrait is keeping secret from us. We have no way of knowing if and how Emilie is returning her husbands gesture. All we can say is that if she does she is definitely not doing it in such an open and unconflicted way as she does with Adrien.

But since when has anything with this family been this easy?

One thing the portrait makes very clear, Adrien and Emilie had a strong and good bond. Definitely the healthiest because the Adrien-Emilie connection is the only one depicted without any kind of disruption from both sides. Both mother and son are reaching out for the other ones hand creating a whole half of the heart, showcasing their affection for another openly and without any of the implied doubts the other connections display. And honestly? Comparing all the hand placements, the one connecting Adrien and Emilie just comes across as strikingly pure and true (which makes it even worse that it was HER Adrien lost…)

As I said it's a HARSH contrast to the one Adrien shears with Gabriel. This contrast is highlighted even further by the way these three face on another.

Emilie and Adrien are positioned facing another and so are Emilie and Gabriel. Telling us that Emilie was "face-to-face" aka involved with both her husband and son. It is Adrien and Gabriel were this looks wildly different. These two have no way of seeing each other in the eyes the way they stand now/then, further displaying their deeply rooted disconnection. It's portrays perfectly how important Emilie was in this family dynamic, because even though Adrien and Gabriel bearly had a connection at all they at least had Emilie as a link between them, keeping the family together. But then they lost her and where this left both father and son off we know oh too well...

So to collect all the informations we get out if this portrait:

-Adriens and Emilies relationship was the strongest and purest. Both of their hands connect and reach out for another in the heart, showcasing that they had a loving and positive bond.

-Adriens and Gabriels relationship is heavily scarred by a deeply rooted disconnection leaving Adrien feeling unloved and unwanted by his father to the point where Adriens side of their dynamic is outside the heart altogether. Gabriel may love and adore his son just like he loves his wife and never thought he displayed his love for him in a lacking way, but fact is: this love never reached Adrien the way it should have and Adrien is the one in their dynamic who got severely hurt and damaged by it.

-Gabriel was the only one completely unconflicted and happily at peace with the former Family situation. He's reaching out to both his family members with open love and affection in blissful oblivion that neither his wife nor son could return them the same way (to different degrees for different reasons). Gabriel was the ONLY ONE in the Agreste family who didn't saw problems in their lives and thought them all happy, hence why he's so obsessed with changing the past and bringing THIS state of their family back. He was happy and he had everything he needed and loved right with him, of course he wants THIS back. He's not aware that Emilie and ESPECIALLY Adrien did not feel the same about their former situation and that bringing all of them back to this is not the perfect happy ending for their entire family as he thinks.

-Emilie may not have been as unconflicted with Gabriel as he was with her but she is NOT feeling the same disconnection her son feels and isn't depicted with negative feelings towards Gabriel. Her side in the Emilie-Gabriel relationship is neither shown outright positive as with her son or outright bad as Adrien with Gabriel. Her side of their bond is depicted through her unseen hand placement in the unknown area in between.

-Despite their not so unconflicted feelings towards Gabriel - and Gabriel himself being aloof - neither Emilie nor Adrien are actively trying to cut Gabriel out. They aren't flinching away from his touch or exclude him from the heart whatsoever. He's happily included, obviously feeling loved. They may not be 100% happy and Gabriel doesn't notice it, but they aren't denying him his happiness and make him unhappy. Again, he's the only one truly happy here. Something neither Emilie nor Adrien tried to take away from him.

-Emilie and Adrien are facing each other as do Emilie and Gabriel, implying the presence of communication and a bond. Adrien and Gabriel do not face each other, showing their disconnected bond. If they could see each others face Adrien would have been able to see that Gabriels hand is a gesture of genuine affection and Gabriel could see that Adriens expression does not exactly display pure happiness the way he thinks. This also goes for Emilie. Emilie just like her husband is placed BEHIND her son, so even if she is facing him she would not be able to really see just how much Adrien is not satisfied and truly happy with his life at that point (meaning how unhappy being looked up, friendless and at distance with his father actually makes him).

- This fascinating family makes me sad and I like it lol

[simprisottowriter]

Hey! Would you mind doing some fluffy hcs similar to the previous ones with Giorno or Bucciarati?

  You got it, anon! Such a great choice for headcanons. Bruno & Giorno are just so lovable and elegant! I've been considering writing about Giorno today, and the timing of this request was just perfect! I'd be delighted to write fluff not only about Giorno, but for Bruno too! Hope you like them! ♡

°Fluff Headcanons°

◇ Being a Capo for many, many years has made Giorno even more busy than before, so whenever he isn't around or he's stuck all day working in his office, he leaves Gold Experience by your side. A stand full of personality and charm. Just like Giorno, Gold Experience loves showering you with gifts! Such as flowers and small cute animals. In this way, Giorno is content and happy that he is hanging out with you, even if his schedule doesn't allow him. Similar to Giorno, Gold Experience is very reserved and difficult to read. Though, you can see the excitement in the stand's eyes when you read a book together or watch a series, especially ones about nature or biology. By using his ability, he would let you see up close some of the most rarest (and harmless) fauna and flora.

◇ When he is staying home all day, he likes letting his hair down. But he is not fond of leaving his luxurious long hair this messy, while he is in someone else's presence. It’s different when he is in the privacy of his home. Outside, he wants to maintain an image. If you have seen him without his complicated hairstyle, that means the trust he has in you is unmatched! He'd definitely let you brush and braid his hair, while he is working or resting by your side. ♡

◇ He's the definition of a morning person. The moment you wake up, the sun hasn’t risen yet. But he has already prepared everything. His morning routine, his outfit, his hairstyle. He has even cleaned a bit around the house and made breakfast. All done in such a short amount of time. When you walk in, you see him finishing his paperwork on the table. As he notices you, he smiles and hands you your coffee. Even if his speech is so calm and quiet, he's so full of life and positivity at such an early hour. There's no way your day can go wrong after waking up to this! ♡

◇ And if you wake up a little bit later than usual, you might miss him, as he usually has already reached his office at that time. Though, a beautiful and vibrant bouquet rests on-top of the table, still staying fresh in its vase, hours after he left. A sweet handwritten card and some breakfast made for you rest near the vase. It's his way of showing how much he cares.

◇ Has a fragrant floral scent, that really reminds you of lavender, mixed with the delicate aroma of some of the finest perfumes. All his clothes delicately emanate this fragrance.

◇ Follows his morning routine religiously. Sometimes, you like waking up so much earlier than usual, around the time Giorno gets ready. As he stands in front of the mirror, you sit by his side, observing every gentle movement of his, sharing a few soft glances. The aroma of hair products fills the room, as with small and calculated movements he sets his hairstyle in place. He’s a bit confused, but finds it sweet how you look with such interest at every bobby pin and hair spray he uses. The moment he applies his hand cream, which has such a familiar scent, you know he has finished his morning routine. He smiles and looks your way again, treasuring the time you’ve spent with him.

◇ Master of time management. You're amazed on how he manages doing so much in a short amount of time! He fits his work, his hobbies and the time he spends with his close ones all in just one day, so effortlessly. Plus, he ends up having some free time too. It's surprising that, at the end of the day, he's not even tired!

◇ And that free time he finds, he'd much rather spend it with someone he's close to, rather than be alone. A walk in a beautiful floral garden or a hangout at a coffee shop sound nice, don't they? These would be the ideal pastimes for Giorno. For the garden hangout, Giorno would love answering your every question about the flowers and plants that surround you. He might be very knowledgeable about them, but he made sure to run through his notes beforehand. Just to impress you! And for the coffee shop one, he would definitely choose something sweet, like pudding. But he would let you order anything! Paying for anything expensive doesn't bother him. Because he values your company undoubtedly much more than money. He just wants to have a little bit more free time to spend by your side.

◇ Adores giving compliments and words of affirmation to the ones he loves. He wants the best for the ones he trusts, and will try everything to help them succeed, no matter if it is a personal or a noble goal.

◇ Keeps his workplace and office very clean! Giorno is generally a tidy person and has everything categorized. But his presence is so obvious from the decoration! A variety of plants and flowers, emerging from intricate vases, cover a great part of the room, while small animals, such as frogs, turtles and fishes, stay in their own terrariums. He owns a great amount of pets, which he cares for daily. Has done incredible amounts of research for each animal, so that he could provide perfectly to their needs.

◇ Has some of the softest and romantic pieces of blues and classical music in a variety of vinyl discs. Would love slow dancing to these with someone special, but till that moment, he just plays them whenever he’s feeling down. 

◇ Fast, cramped and calligraphic handwriting. Favors fountain pens more than normal ones. Has one of the most beautiful signatures you’ve ever seen. His scribbles and doodles are mostly stars, wiggly lines, flowers and plant-like shapes.

◇ Loves capturing each special moment with his close ones, in small delicate photos. Keeps some of them in detailed metal photo frames on his desk. Their color has been faded over time. Owns numerous photo albums filled with memories of the past, and would love to have someone by his side, to help him make even more happy memories together.

◇ Might come off as very confident and bold, but in reality, he is not very accustomed to showing or receiving affection. His past wasn't kind and the love he never received his whole life makes it impossible for him to not freeze when someone shows him even a bit of appreciation. Just holding hands or a simple hug could leave him surprised.

◇ No matter how he is feeling, his first priority is making sure you are happy. He could be returning from a heart-breaking mission, or a task that failed so terribly, but the moment he is outside the door, he'll try his best to recollect himself and put on the brightest smile for you, as he walks in.

◇ But once you're used to his presence, you'll slowly realize how he is truly feeling. No fake smile can hide Bruno’s pain. He might continue not being honest about his feelings, even after you confront him. His voice would tremble, as he tries to keep his composure, and the slight whimpering in his tone would tell a story he himself refuses to. But with a hug or a soft touch on the shoulder, he’d immediately break the act. He appreciates with all his heart how supportive and understanding you are, but he doesn’t want to worry you with his work issues.

◇ Throughout the day you spend with him at home, you can feel his soft and gentle glances. He sometimes looks at you with awe. He believes in you and supports you with such kindness and selflessness. Just his smile could diminish any negativity and solve your every problem. For just some seconds, everything once again would be okay ♡

◇ Has a familiar and delicate aroma of coffee brewing in the morning, paired with a soft scent of vanilla. Bruno feels more humane than anyone else you've met. Warmth that reminds you of home. Whenever you are near him, your mind drifts off to some of the earliest, gentlest and familiar scents of your childhood. You feel safe again.

◇ An absolute sweetheart when it comes to animals. Doesn’t own any, but his heart shatters when he sees the malnourished stray animals in his neighborhood. He makes sure to take care of them, by feeding them and giving them shelter, since no one else does. He’s not as knowledgable as Giorno, but he is incredibly good at recognizing their body language. They feel so comfortable in his presence. Bruno would always go out of his way to make sure that no one is in danger, and this also includes animals. One rainy night, he returned home rain-soaked, with a warm and soft smile on his face. Holding a kitty, that was soaked and trembling from the cold, he explained that he found it alone out in the terrible weather and couldn’t bear to leave it on its own. You wouldn’t have expected anything different from Bruno. You love his caring nature! 

◇ Equally good with dealing with others. He’s a people’s person. Very high emotional intelligence. Immediately recognizes how they truly feel, and reads them like they are an open book. No facades work on Bruno. He could notice and point out even a small change in their behavior or something that is bothering them. After spending a good amount of time with someone, he could fully understand the reasoning behind their actions, attitude or even have a vague idea of what their past was. He’s very attentive to small details that usually would go unnoticed by others. Details that reveal much, much more than the person wants to.

◇ Simply adores jazz! Smooth, calming but extremely elegant. Just like Bruno, thus making jazz his ideal music genre. His love for Miles Davis’s music is obvious. Owns a couple but good vinyls of his, an antique turntable, and all that jazz. 

◇ Keeps items he treasures in the upper zippers of his outfit, close to his heart. Or generally uses his zippers for any item he might need at the moment. You could hear a ringing sound and suddenly he'd unzip his arm, pulling out a phone. Answering it casually like nothing happened.

◇ He might not have a lot of free time, but would definitely use it to spend some quality time with the ones he cares about. A night spent cooking at home or out at a fancy restaurant with his loved one is a night well-spent for Bruno. Even if he doesn’t have a lot of money, he would definitely spend more than usual for a night out with you.

◇ Not a morning person, but neither a night owl. Could be a strong mix of both. After Giorno, he usually is one of the first to wake up. Though, he limits his personal morning routine, so that he can devote his time to clean around the house and cook for everyone. Spends much more hours, compared to Giorno, on caring for the house and for the ones he loves, since his schedule is usually more flexible. But he is the last to nod off. He wants to make sure everyone is safe and well-rested. Plus, his paperwork is almost never ending, so he usually stays up late finishing it.

◇ The best to have around when you have troubles with your insomnia. Will make sure to plan ahead and prepare some chamomile tea for you. And if that doesn’t work, he would hold you in his warm embrace or play with your hair till you doze off ♡

◇ Delicate, neat and legible handwriting. Not necessarily cursive. Medium sized letters, full of character. His signature is his full name, written with such elegance. When he is not working on important paperwork, he mostly doodles shapes, such as squares and triangles, dotted patterns and criss-cross lines.

◇ Like every other person that has high emotional intelligence, Bruno has learned to forgive and forget. Has never held a grudge, no matter how painful his past was, and turns his sadness into love for others. He wants no one to live through as much pain as he did, and goes out of his way to ensure that. Giving praise, helping others and being genuine. Main characteristics of Bruno’s behavior that show his empathy. For Bruno, lack of hatred doesn’t show naivety. It shows maturity.

[dikiyvter]

23 & 31? :eye: for either or both

Of course aid anything 4 u <3

Uncommon Questions [ accepting ]

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

For Gio: Envy is... kind of a scale of ugliness for Gio, to be honest. First and foremost his envy is typically not something ugly; It's typically something that turns more into a hopeful longing other than any sort of truly resentful behavior. Just because he wants what someone else has doesn't mean that he needs to take it from them necessarily; the world is not a pie to be split among it's inhabitants. He views the world as an endless wealth, and if he wants something someone else has, all he has to do is work to get it himself. Ultimately his longing to be human and to take a quiet role in human society spawns from envy of the lives that humans lead.

... And then there's the far uglier envy. Gio is a rather childish individual who experiences emotions very strongly; In part this is subconscious acting, and in part it's genuine truth; He's really never been good at things regarding emotions primarily because he's never been taught a whole lot in regards to control of ones emotions or ways to manage them. He's a bit... emotionally stunted but more in the 'seems like an erratic mood swing-y mess because he feels very strongly' sense and less, you know, [gestures at Baal and Zhongli]. There is thus always a chance that when Gio becomes envious of something, his first reaction is that of intense resentment towards whoever it is that has what he doesn't- This is partially true even for his love of humanity. Even though he starts off with the thought of "this is beautiful" it was still interlaced with a lot of bitter resentment that he would never really have that; Coming to terms with his worldview is what got rid of that. But it's a bit harder to have a mentality of 'the world isn't a pie; someone having a bigger slice than me doesn't mean i can't have more if i want it' when its... say...

A person whom you love whose fallen for another or is having all of their time taken up by them.

For Riga: ...Riga gets a much shorter paragraph and for that I apologize, but I have a lot more thoughts regarding Gio on this subject considering that lil clowns got a lot of conflictions and nuance to ramble about. Riga, on the other hand, tends to be far more simplistic in the things he is feeling and how he is feeling them; though this isn't to say he feels any less strongly or erratically than Gio does.

Rigatello typically feels envy as a genuinely ugly awful emotion that typically results not just in resentment but in a very, very intense form of frustration. A major part of his character is that he is someone who wants very little, but the few things he does want are things he perceives more as needs; Case in point being he doesn't perceive wanting Gio to care about him as being a want, he sees it as a need, and when your needs are denied you become... what? Angry. Frustrated. Depressed. Envy turns him violent, because why should others have what's rightfully his? Why are others entitled to the few things he truly needs? Why is he not deserving of these things? There's a tangible cycle to a lot of Rigatellos emotions, and it's that he is confronted with something ( or someone ) he wants; He becomes reliant, he thinks he needs them ( using gio as an example; He cannot imagine who he is without Gio nearby. He cannot imagine himself in the hierarchy that is set between them both and Dottore without Gio there, because Gio has always been the one to provide a release of tension, even if the relationship the two of them shared was at times very far from healthy; The change of something he sees as being integral to his identity and his place in his little corner of society is something that throws him VERY badly; Rigatello is someone very afraid of any meaningful change because the fear of what comes next and that change leading to potential failure is one that haunts him ) ; They move away from him, and he panics, because he has very little and thus clings desperately to what few things he has; Cue the cycle of seeing that which he 'needs' with someone else, being angry, being frustrated, falling down the rabbit hole of wondering why he isn't worthy, arriving at depression, resparking that frustration, and... repeat.

A lot of his envy spawns almost purely from a place of this frustration-depression loop of wondering why he isn't good enough-- something that ties in heavily with the way he was 'raised', where threats of being scrapped were thrown freely, and any failure could potentially result in his literal destruction.

Wait this wound up being longer than Gios. Whoops.

31. Who are they the most glad to have met?

Okay here's where we ease into me being able to make coherent sentences again bc i'm not bound purely by my muses emotions <3

For Gio, It would be Venti, in more ways than one. First he had technically met Barbatos. The ideal Barbatos gifted to Mondstadt that rubbed off on the freshly-created and quite impressionable Gio; It was Mondstadt and their talk of freedom that lit the little fire that eventually turned into Gio pursuing his autonomy and humanity. Then was the archon; Barbatos gave his vision to him, and without that Gio never would have managed to escape Dottore, and if he didn't currently have it he wouldn't have been able to evade capture for this long. It also served as a constant reminder of Mondstadts ideals -- And not just that, but the special shape that the vision takes has always been a symbol that although Snezhnaya was his home-- Mondstadt was where he belonged. Then came Venti; Someone who made him feel welcomed in Mondstadt when he was initially very nervous about being there. He and Venti became dear friends ( possibly more ) and now that's someone he looks forward to every time he's on his way back to Mondstadt. The city truly feels like home to him now, and that's mostly because of Venti-- and even if his friend doesn't wish to be seen as Barbatos the archon, Gio cannot help the appreciation he feels for those previous actions, nor for the general ideals that Venti / Barbatos inhabit.

For Riga, that would be Lio, no contest. It.. it would take me ten years to explain all of Rigatellos feelings towards Lio there's so much shit at play they mesh so fucking well together their traumas and mentalities are such similar echoes, Lio is literally the only person in the world that Rigatello has felt genuine love and affection for and not in some way panicked and tried to burn the bridge before it could burn him; He feels genuinely safe and happy with Lio, and the fear that constantly haunts him is eased in their presence; He trusts not just Lio but himself, the fear he typically fears when he touches others is gone because they trust him so thoroughly that in the midst of their love it's hard to be afraid of himself. He feels for once that he can be something that protects instead of something that exclusively does damage; He feels cared for, wanted, loved, when all his life he's felt rejected and constantly on the brink of destruction. Where he once was told his wants and thoughts don't matter he has now found someone who cares very much for what he wants and what he thinks and FUCK I have a lot of thoughts about these two.

40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Oh god, here's another thing I can't fully explain.

For Gio: Immensely. Gios current mentality is essentially that if he just closes his eyes and refuses to think about it then he doesn't have to deal with his flaws, and if anyone points them out he can just get mad about it and avoid them until he dies because he does. not. want. to. think. about. it. He HATES feeling bad, he hates feeling negatively about himself, he doesn't... know how to genuinely change things about himself; And I think that. That itself can be very much shown in how he treats the fact that he's not human? A person? Yes, he's a fully sentient person with his own thoughts and expressions and free will, a human? Not exactly. He's made out of metal and circuitry and artificial materials, and this is simply a factual statement, its not opinion; But he almost treats it like it is. He sees this idealized version of humanity that he wishes to be a part of but he cannot fathom how he can be apart of it if the core thing about himself isn't changed, but its NOT something he can change; Instead of accepting that, however, and still going on with his goal to pursue his autonomy and humanity despite this, Gio would... honestly rather stick his fingers in his ears and go "lalala" because he doesn't really have the toolset to mentally deal with the contradiction of "I want to be human but I can't". He perceives a need to change that isn't there, and instead of trying to address it he ignores it entirely in hopes that... it'll just stop being an issue that he needs to address with himself at some point. The same mentality applies to a lot of his flaws. Does he know hes being avoidant of his problems? Does he know that it's going to cause more issues in the future? He does. But he can't even address it with himself because it makes him feel bad, let alone with someone else who could actually provide him with skills that he needs to change his behaviors and mentality.

For Riga: Okay he genuinely gets a shorter paragraph this time because in short? Rigatello doesn't care. Admittedly he kind of wears his flaws on his sleeve. He's a "says it right on the tin" kind of guy most of the time, where he's typically mostly open about the less positive parts of himself-- If not exaggerating them as a means of keeping people away. There are of course the flaws that he hides due to them stemming from traumas, and his general desire to hide all things relating to his personal thoughts and feelings-- But this in and of itself could be perceived as a flaw, though one very unexplored considering Lio is his first close relationship with another person where he's been in any form open about his own thoughts and feelings, away from the influence of Dottore or the Fatui.

Rigatello does have... slightly less healthy perception of what counts as flaws in himself, though, such as having his own thoughts and emotions. He perceives his traumas as weakness, and weakness is a flaw, to him-- So too, then, are his traumas. He's not sensitive about this in the sense that Gio is where he's willfully ignoring something he's doing wrong; Riga doesn't... know that this isn't a good mentality. He.

Riga is kind of hard to explain this regard because of how severely impacted Rigatello is by the traumas hes endured, the people he was 'raised' by, and the current lifestyle that he leads. His emotional understanding is extremely limited and always has been, and I'm not entirely sure how to put it in coherent wording; Because typically when I try to talk about Riga and emotions it devolves into word vomit because his thoughts are just... nonsense screaming pain mush that he doesn't know how to cope with so he tells himself to toughen up, shoves it in the closet, and goes on with his day until he can lay down at night and have a meltdown--

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Honestly? The general rule of thumb is that I don't typically write people that I myself would get along with, if only because I know way too much about my own characters and their flaws? When. I look at people that I get along with, its primarily people who are patient enough to deal with my memory issues and my general lets say... low iq, to be nice. They're mostly laid back people who don't give too much of a shit one way or the other, but are friendly and fun to talk to because they have interesting ideas to contribute to a conversation, give room for others to contribute, and don't mind a bit of chaos when things inevitably devolve.

When I look at the characters I write... They all have some sort of flaw that directly contradicts the core things I typically find in someone I get along well with?

Gio is someone who I think I could get along with for a while; But inevitably his flaws, his distress regarding those flaws, and his subsequent refusal to acknowledge them in any meaningful form would inevitably stress me out and it would start to get tiring.

Bluntly put Riga is scary and I feel like I'd be stressed out 24/7 that I'm going to irritate him... And his general mindset of emphasizing his own flaws to push people away would just make me angry and I'd probably wind up letting him isolate himself because, having once been someone who was very much that way, I no longer deal well with that degree of self-pitying behavior b/c it pisses me off.

Outside of this blog, Ku Shen and I could probably get along pretty well, but I think the issue is that he's a massive introvert who would go Weeks in-between texting, and I have the memory of a goldfish and i'd inevitably find myself in a position where i have a text from him that's been waiting for me to answer for the past week and I'm too nervous to reply because I feel awkward being like 'hi i have untreated adhd sorry', and then suddenly three months has passed and I just can never talk to this man again.

...I'm going to include my Morax on here as well even though it's blog isn't super active; Look I might actually be able to chill with Morax if only because we vibe in either 'i am listening to you ramble for 3 straight hours with occasional questions or commentary' or 'we have both been dead fucking silent for the past 3 hours' and these are both my ideal ways to exist in someone elses presence. Also I feel like it'd wanna do fun shit and likes going on walks or smth. 10/10 I think I could get along with Morax.

H) What trait do you admire most?

Ah fuck okay. Uh. For Gio... I admire his optimism and hope. I consider myself to be a generally hopeful person but I'm not typically the kind of like... ~ * direct action * ~ person, and Gio VERY MUCH IS in most regards. He's generally super fucking ambitious and if he WANTS something he will GET IT and you cannot STOP HIM and I just wish I had that level of

I. Dedication II. Energy III. Optimism in actually completing the goal

For Riga? I guess it would be his general tenacity and endurance. He goes through. A lot of shit. Constantly. And he just keeps trudging on forward without pause. He does what he needs to do, and if you get in the way of him and what he needs to get done, then he'll make you fucking regret it. Top tier shit 10/10 good for him.

[jedi-archivist]

Path of The Dai Bendu Part 1: Initiate Chapter 1: Meditate

Summary: You are a youngling, learning the ways of the Jedi. Right now life is simple as you learn and grow. But something dark lurks in the future. A shadow in the Force.

You open your eyes and see the invisible paths. Your steps disturb that path like steps in shallow water, echoing beyond your sight or comprehension. Yet the ground is solid and cool beneath bare feet.

All around you, above and below you, you see galaxy's dance. Their cosmic waltz so timed and so long that it does not affect the path in a way that something as small as you could sense. 

Still you walk and your path leads you to the galaxy you know to be home. As you walk, you see planets and stars and feel the lives on each one, like radiant auras in which every atom is an existence, an expression, a thought, and so on. Still, you walk. While the beauty of the Living Force is awe inspiring, it is not what has called you.

Soon you find the edge of what calls you. The path continues, but a wall of dark orbs the size of suns block the way. Their dark hungry orbits lightly pull on you from where you have stopped, but the pull of what lays beyond pulls more persistently. Still you stay your ground. 

It whispers of loneliness and emptiness that resonates with the hollow of your heart. Yet it is a hollow not yet made. It whispers of being the only thing,  the only one that can heal your broken heart. But your heart is not yet broken. It whispers a soothing sound of belonging, of no more pain, of love that only it can give. Yet this is not full truth.

You feel it reach, to offer a hand. To offer a hug you crave, affection you yearn for. Your hand reaches out to meet it, the hum of power growing with each movement toward convergence.

You pause.

It makes a comforting cooing sound like a mother gently urging its child to her.

You pull your hand back and take a step back.

It's sounds become more frantic and desperate, unable to move but begging you to come closer.

Once again you step back and this time it screams it's frustrations. 

You feel yourself shaking. No, not the you that is here. Not the spirit, but the body. The body is being shaken. 

You feel yourself fall as you hear a voice.

 "Come on Shirilla, it's time to get up! We're going to be late!"

Your eyes flutter open and you see Duzadi Bon. His face markings are twisted with a nervous worry- as he so often felt- that always made you want to help the young togruta smile more.

 "Oh shoot!" You jump up from the bed, slipping on your shoes and outer tunic. You rush past a few bunks before turning back to Duzadi, dream mostly forgotten.

 "Come on Duz! We're going to be late!" You say as if you were the one waking him up. Duzadi makes a face that makes you laugh and Duz can't help but laugh with you as both race from the youngling quarters to your morning class.

You run past temple guards, now yelling not to run in the temple! You dodge to the side as you pass a group of Jedi knights - discussing something - in the hall, now jumping out of the way as Duzadi catches up to you. You see a group of younger younglings (you are 5 now and they looked between 2 and 3),  from a different clan ahead of you. Master Thez's look of horror meets your own as you both realize you don't have enough time to stop and will soon be running into much smaller children! 

Master Threz begins to lift a warding hand, and you soon find yourself pulled in a different direction. Duz has pulled you into a new path before the Master acts, his hand dragging you by the arm. Disaster avoided and still time to spare. At least you think there is. You can hear Master Threz yelling to stop running as you continue to run.

Finally you see your classroom and begin to slow down, forcing heavy breaths into calmer ones. You wipe at the sweat on your brow and try to quiet your steps. Duz gives you a look you know means if-we're-in-trouble-again-that's-on-you.

Without a sound you both slip into the room. All eyes are closed as the morning meditation is well into session.

 "Duzadi, Shirilla. You are late again." Master Zepcira's soft voice chimed sternly. Yet her Ryloth accented voice hides a hint of amusement.

 "I'm sorry Master. I had trouble getting up again and Duzadi tried really hard to get me up in time." You and Duz take your positions among the clan. Some are peeking between squinted eyes, and some stifle giggles. Duz does his best to ignore them and start meditating but you can see it annoy him.

 "It is not Duzadi's responsibility to make sure you wake and arrive in a timely manner Shirilla." Master Zepcira's eyes open and focus on you. 

 "Yes Master." Master Zepcira studies you, her mind gently brushing yours. And then it slips away.

 "Very well. Let us continue our meditation, younglings. Recall that we are focusing on Empty Meditation. When we practice this form, our goal is clarity and self control. By emptying yourselves of negative emotion and stepping away from attachments you will find yourselves. In finding yourself you will find the Force. In finding the Force, you will find the Will of the Force ready to guide you. Feel the Force within you. The Force is with you and you are one with the Force…."

Immediately the atmosphere of the room changes. You can feel your clan mates focus, their awareness looking within and yet without as well. Just as yours does. You feel the connections between them and yourself and your Master. 

"There is no emotion; There is peace."

You feel Duzadi's anxiety and annoyance melt away as he surrenders these feelings.

"There is no ignorance; There is knowledge."

You feel the younglings you ran by this morning as the Rodian Master Threz teaches the history of the temple, of the ground they walk every day.

"There is no passion; There is serenity."

You feel the temple guards patrolling, ever watchful, ever ready to protect or attack as needed. Yet there was no anger or malice or hubris.

"There is no chaos; There is harmony."

You feel the Jedi knights in the hall, discussing the balance between the physical and the immaterial. The Living and the Cosmic Force.

"There is no death; There is the Force."

Your focus pulls inward and you find yourself reviewing yourself, where you are, and where you will grow, and what you hope to become. You feel the remnants of your dream pass by. Of the path that echoed with your steps. And the lonely presence…

 "Hey, Shirilla," Duz whispers. "You ok?"

You blink open your eyes as you break away from the meditation and realize your clan is also in the process of doing the same.

 "Hmm? Yeah, why?" You ask. Duz seems uncertain before he finally decides his next words.

 "It seems like you've been sleeping and meditating really deeply the last few days." Duz says slowly. Master Zepcira is going around the room sharing advice based on this morning's meditation. 

 "Yeah… sorry about that." You feel Duz reach out through the Force, as though to reassure himself you are still there and ok. Out of all your clan mates, you and Duz were the closest. Though your clan was like family, Duz had always felt like a true brother.

"I'll talk to one of the masters later." You reassure him. You send calming thoughts through the Force and feel him relax. In truth you were just as uneasy, but Duz really didn't need that on him.

Master Zepcira made her way to you and Duz, greeting you both before advising.

 "Duzadi, you did a wonderful job with your meditation. Keep in mind that the calm you create is able to be carried out of the meditation into your normal activities." Duzadi nods awkwardly as a slight embarrassed blush touches his face.

 "Ah, yes Master."

 "Shirilla, you also did well, however, I noticed you became distracted. Keep in mind that while our connections to others can teach us much, we must also be willing to let go. By letting go, we free ourselves and others to walk the path the Force wills us to take."

 "Yes Master." You consider her words as you think back on your meditation. Master Zepcira lingers a moment, allowing you a moment of thought and time to ask questions. But you don't feel ready to ask anything. Master Zepcira continues around the room.

Next Chapter

[saltybaltic]

Natasha Romanoff X Reader - THERAPY

Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow X FemReader Fanfic

Synopsis: Set a few years after the snap, Natasha has been working hard to figure out a way to deal with what has happened

Warnings: Language, bit angsty in places I guess, mostly a coping mechanism for endgame, bit sexually suggestive

Words: 1964

CELEBRATION POST!!! 🎉🎉🎉 Over 550 followers and my first post to hit over 500 notes in the same week!!! I know that may not seem like a lot to some people but honestly I never imagined I would get to anything near that when I started posting these so thank you so much. You have no idea how much I love the response from all of you for these stories so thank you, please keep it coming and I will try to keep posting as much as I can! Enjoy, and don’t forget to let me know what you think ❤️✌️

It was never easy to watch someone you cared about look hurt but with Natasha you had always found it particularly difficult. Maybe it was because you cared about her so much. Maybe it was because it was so rare for her to show such raw emotion. You suspected that it was because you hated seeing someone so strong fall apart in front of you.

So when you walked into her office at the compound and found her sat at her desk, head in her hands as she pushed out a shaky breath, you couldn’t help the feeling of intense sadness that washed over you at the sight. Things hadn’t been right for a long time, a very long time. Ever since the snap it was rare to see a smile on anyone’s face, especially those of your team mates or girlfriend, but it wasn’t often they truly let their walls down and showed how much they were hurting. Only in moments of solitude or with those they truly trusted.

It was almost as if she sensed she was being watched, lowering her hands from her face and glancing up to where you were leaning against a filing cabinet looking at her. In a matter of seconds she regained her composure, taking a deep breath as she leaned back in her chair and tilted her head to look at you.

“Hey.”

Her greeting was quiet and weak and it made you feel even worse to hear it.

“You okay?”

She gave a half-hearted shrug, folding her arms across her stomach, “Always.”

You gave a hum in response, shrugging off your jacket and throwing it to one side as you made your way further into the room, “Something on your mind?”

Looking you up and down as she took in your dress shirt and trousers, Natasha swung her legs over the arm of her chair and settled further back, “You’re dressed fancy.”

“And you’re changing the subject.” You noted, reaching across the desk for half of her sandwich sitting on a plate, “Talk to me Nat.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

You took a bite of the sandwich, chewing on it slowly as you studied the woman in front of you, “There’s always something you could say.”

“Silence is golden.” She argued, the faintest trace of a smile on her lips.

With a playful roll of your eyes, you threw the sandwich back down and dusted off your hands, “Thought you hated cliches.”

“Things change I guess, no matter how much we fight against it.”

At her words the pair of you fell into silence, a somber expression on both of your faces as you looked back at the woman slumped in her desk chair. Her hair was messier than usual, blonde tips protruding from the bottom of her usual bright, red hair. There was the sign of dark, grey circles under her eyes and a defeated slump to her shoulders as she looked back at you defiantly as if she was trying to look stronger than she was. The last few years had taken a lot out of all of you but Natasha seemed to have taken it particularly hard and she was doing her best to hide it under your scrutiny.

“Nat, honey, you ca-“

“I can’t.” She cut in, shaking her head a few times as her jaw clenched and she smiled sadly back at you, “I can’t just pretend everything is okay.”

You raised your eyebrows and released a sigh, “That wasn’t what I was gonna say.”

“Really? That’s what everyone else keeps saying.” Although it wasn’t aimed at you, there was a bitterness to her tone.

“I know.” You agreed, nodding your head slowly as you rested an elbow on the edge of the desk and balanced your chin on your fist, “Not me though, I think I know you better than that.”

She nodded her head slowly, “So what were you going to say?”

“I was going to say ...” you started, lowering your arm so you could reach across the table towards her, “You can still talk to me you know? So much has changed and so much is uncertain now but ... we got lucky.”

Natasha was unable to contain a scoff, “Lucky ... right.”

“Nat ...”

“Half of the universe gone, like that.” She snapped her fingers and shook her head with a frown, “And you try to tell me we’re lucky?”

Laying your palm flat against the top of the desk, you were able to reach far enough to ghost your fingers over the side of her arm, “Everyone lost the same thing Natasha. Half the universe. Half our world. Half of everything just gone. But I didn’t lose everything and some people did.”

“Don’t you think that makes me feel worse? That we all stood there and lost ... we all swore to defend what people hold dear and we failed and yet we’re the ones who get to walk away with the people we love?”

“I don’t think it’s that simple.”

She chewed on her lip slowly, eyes shimmering with just the faintest amount of tears, “Isn’t it?”

“No.” You shook your head, giving her an encouraging smile as you brushed your fingers over her skin again, “We did everything we could and we gave everything we had and yeah ... it’s wasn’t enough ... but we’re here and we survived and sweetheart we have to make this count because if we’ve learnt anything then it’s how precious this really is.”

Sitting up properly in her chair, Natasha finally conceded to your gesture of affection and took your outstretched hand in her own. Her grip was heavy and she held your hand tightly in both of her own, raising it to her face so she could press her lips against your skin and close her eyes.

“You know I love you.”

She pushed out a long sigh as she squeezed your hand tighter, “I know, I know you do.”

“I’d do anything for you. You know that too right?”

Opening her eyes to look back at you, she brushed her lips over the top of your hand again, “Me too.”

“So how about, you and me, we start acting like we know how lucky we are to still have this.”

This time she didn’t offer you a verbal response, standing from her chair as she dropped your hand from her grip and instead reached across the desk to grab a hold of you by the front of your shirt. You didn’t get a chance to argue as she pulled you to your feet until you were forced to take a few steps forward in order to keep your balance, now stood flush against the wood on your side of the desk.

“Nat, what are you doing?” You questioned, only able to laugh as you watched her pull herself up onto the top of her desk and shuffle towards you on her knees.

She shrugged and gave you a playful smirk, smoothing her hands over the front of your shirt until she could take hold of your collar and pull your body up against her own. “Making the most of being able to do this.”

“And walking around the desk was too much effort was it?” You teased, placing your hands on her hips. She allowed you to manoeuvre her into a sitting position so that she was propped on the edge of the desk, pulling her towards you and wrapping your arms around her waist as she rested her hands on the back of your neck.

“Maybe I need you right now” she said simply, the sincerity behind her words radiating from her in a way that you would never need confirmation she was telling the truth.

Natasha didn’t say anything else, digging her fingers into the back of your neck as she leaned forward to press her lips eagerly against your own. You couldn’t help but sigh happily at the contact, wanting nothing more than to return the kiss with equal enthusiasm as you tightened your hold on her waist and pulled her further into you. She wrapped her legs around your waist, running her fingers through your hair as she slipped her tongue into your mouth and released a moan into the kiss.

It would have been impossible for you to deny how much you had missed this. So much of your life had been consumed by negativity. Grief. Trauma. Loss. Pain.

But here with Natasha all you could feel was the love and passion that always flooded your senses when you allowed yourself to become lost in her. No matter what changed in the world or what was taken away from you she would always be your one constant and you would be damned if there would ever be a second of your life where you didn’t cherish the fact she was still here.

Her fingers scraped against your scalp as she deepened the kiss and it was almost effortlessly that the two of you fell back against the desk, your body now trapping her in place against the wood. Natasha released a small grunt as she hit the surface, lips working faster against your own now as her tongue brushed against yours and she gave a lazy rock of her hips against your body.

“You know,” you started, detaching your lips from hers so that you could press them to her jaw, “I think we’ve gotten in trouble for this before.”

For the first time in a long time, she actually laughed and for a moment, the only thing you could focus on was how beautiful the sound was.

“I think you might be right.” She breathed out, pausing to release a small moan as you began to press kisses down the hollow of her throat, “But I had a thought.”

You hummed in question against her skin, the sensation sending a shiver down her spine and she could only push out a heavy breath and rock her hips against your body again.

“It seems an awful long time since we got in trouble for having sex in some inappropriate place in the compound wouldn’t you agree?”

Chuckling quietly, you lifted your face from the side of her neck so that you were able to look at her properly, “Oh really?”

Natasha nodded her head and pulled you back down so that she could press her lips briefly to yours, “Really.”

The temptation to just take her then and there was almost overwhelming but there was always one thing more important than that. Raising one of your hands to her face, your brushed your thumb over her eyebrow and down her cheek, scanning over her face carefully for any sign of how she might be feeling or traces of uncertainty, “You’re sure?”

Nodding her head slowly, Natasha brushed her nose against the side of yours and bit down on her lip, “I’m always sure with you. I’ve missed you.”

You couldn’t stop yourself breaking out into a grin, pushing her hair out of her face and reconnecting your lips briefly, “I’ve missed you too.”

Natasha gripped your collar again, holding you firmly against her as she shot you a grin.

“What are you waiting for then?”

[wtfzodiacsigns]

How the signs express their emotions

Look at your moon sign.

Aries: You’re impulsive. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend to put your heart in everything. That’s something you want to hang onto. Your passion is what makes you unique and when it comes to relationships (platonic/familial/romantic) you give 100%. In arguments and fights, you can get explosive and may even resort to violence. Honestly, this is all Mars’s fault. When it comes to good news, you may become animated and loud (almost childlike) - wanting to let the whole world know just how happy you are. When in love, you can get quite intense and dedicate a lot of your time to your significant other. Try to think before you say things you’ll regret as not everyone is as forgiving as you.

Taurus: You’re grounded. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend not to provide much of a reaction at all. Your thoughts and feelings mostly stay in your mind, unless the situation is out of control and there’s a lot at stake. You prefer to understand what you’re feeling and process them before acting. But the bull inside you will come out eventually if you bottle up your emotions for too long. This can be as explosive as Aries, if not more. And the slightest thing might trigger it. In arguments and fights, you can become quite brutal. When it comes to good news, you might prefer to be a bit more muted but it’ll be obvious how happy you are given your expressions of joy. When in love, that Venusian aspect of you is at home and your love for your partner is there for the whole world to see. Try to air out your issues before they become too significant. Maybe instead of the bull, we’ll get the better-tempered calf.

Gemini: You’re robotic. It’s not that you don’t feel emotions, you just prefer not to. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you’ll be quite relaxed and nonchalant. You prefer things that can be analysed logically rather than dealt with emotionally. In arguments and fights, you’ll most likely debate and give out witty remarks rather than get violent. Maybe even turn it into a joke. Mercury is responsible for this. When it comes to good news, you can get quite giddy and excited. So many ideas start swimming in that mind of yours that never seems to stop whirring. But there’s also a distance there, like you’re already thinking about the negatives. When in love, you become innocent and nervous. Anxiety can be an issue. Try not to overthink so much and just be in the moment. Emotions aren’t meant to be scary, as long as you know how to deal with them.

Cancer: You’re empathetic. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you prefer to keep things on the inside and deal with them when you’re on your own. You like to retreat in your shell (home) where you feel safe and comfortable. In arguments and fights, you can become quite manipulative because of your emotional intelligence. You might shift the blame onto the other person and have a tendency to hold grudges. When it comes to good news, you feel whole and sincere like everything is lined up perfectly. Sometimes joy will get you emotional just as much as sadness will. When in love, you offer it unconditionally. This is where the nurturing Moon comes into play. You love taking care of your significant other. Try to let go of things and be a bit more easygoing. Maybe then will you realise that you don’t need to retreat so often.

Leo: You’re dramatic. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you want the whole world to know how you’re feeling. This is because of the pride you have in everything that you do. Blame the Sun for this. In arguments and fights, you may resort to putting the opposition down by pointing out their insecurities. Your pride will enable you to see others as inferior and you may not even care to argue with them at all, preferring not to waste your time. When it comes to good news, you’ll want to show off to everyone. You enjoy the chance to show off your achievements especially to the people who doubted you. When in love, it’s a spectacle. Your affection knows no limits and your significant other will never be bored. Try to come back down to earth every once in a while so you can appreciate the things that really matter.

Virgo: You’re critical. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend to over-analyse everything. This is due to Mercury and causes you to be extremely self-aware. In arguments and fights, you will point out all the faults in the other person with receipts to back it up. You definitely come prepared. When it comes to good news, you can enjoy it for a little while before a sense of dread settles in and then it’s back to reality. You worry about your happiness being taken away, not realising that that in itself is what causes it to go in the first place. When in love, much like Gemini, you become nervous. Butterflies occupy your stomach and you see your significant other as this incredible being, even you not able to criticise them. Try to enjoy what’s been given to you and understand that the idea of things being perfect is nonexistent.

Libra: You’re objective. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you prefer seeing both sides of the story before making any judgement. In arguments and fights, you tend to avoid them altogether. You see no sense in confrontation and want things to be peaceful and harmonious all of the time. This is where Venus comes in. When it comes to good news, you feel complete and that everything is right in the world. You stay rational and weigh out the pros and cons though. You are an air sign after all. When in love, you see things through rose-coloured glasses and can get a little superficial. You’re romantic and flirty and will want to shower your partner with love. Try to come to terms with the fact that not everything on this earth is beautiful and that ugliness exists. Don’t let that get in the way of your positivity though, the thing about Libra is balance.

Scorpio: You’re intense. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you feel things deeply. But you’re complex so you also seem detached. You manage to see into other people’s souls and for that reason can become greatly affected by the actions of others. In arguments and fights, you know just what to say to make the other person feel awful. You’re deadly, there’s no denying that. When it comes to good news, you prefer to be happy with your closest friends. The ones who know the softer side to you. When in love, intimacy is extremely important and you value sex and affection. You can become possessive and protective, craving a relationship that’s more of an experience rather than a fling. Try not to take things to heart too much and find a middle ground for you to express yourself. There are numbers between 0 and 100 you know.

Sagittarius: You’re lighthearted. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you tend to let things go quite easily and are able to move on without too much hassle. This is because you’re the student and you believe that mistakes must be made for you to move forward. In arguments and fights, it’s easy for you to lose control a little bit and say things you’ll regret. You’re charm will come in handy as a tool for apologising though as your anger subsides quickly. When it comes to good news, you become playful and charismatic. You want to hang out with the people that you care about and live in the moment. When in love, you offer your partner freedom and seek a relationship that is a journey. One where the both of you grow and change together. Try not to get too riled up as your charm won’t always work when you say something hurtful.

Capricorn: You’re realistic. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you seem to know the minimum effort required in a situation. You need the extra energy for the stuff that’s really important. Or at least important to you (aspirations). The Saturn in you makes you great at managing your discipline and resources. In arguments and fights, you only get involved if it’s really worth your time. You will command your authority and state point by point why the other person is wrong and you are right. When it comes to good news, you deal with it accordingly as if it were another task. When in love, you’re easily content and are very reliable as long as they are ok with you pursuing your goals. PDA is not something you’re a fan of. Try to enjoy yourself a little more and give yourself time to breathe and take a break. You won’t regret it I promise.

Aquarius: You’re aloof. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you seem to be surrounded by a bubble with not much being able to get through to you. Not a lot of things affect you and that’s because you’re focused on the bigger picture. In arguments and fights, you don’t even bother as they’re a waste of your brainpower. You might just point out calmly why you think the other person is an idiot using vocabulary they’re probably not familiar with. Oh well. You don’t feel anger that much so it’s hard to get under your skin. When it comes to good news, you’re more than happy to go out with your closest friends and chat about topics that interest you. Being yourself keeps you healthy. When in love, you like to be independent and prefer to treat your partner as a friend. Romance is not something you care for. Try to be a bit more in tune with your feelings instead of observing everything from afar. It’s good to immerse yourself and experience things firsthand.

Pisces: You’re intuitive. Whether it’s a positive or negative reaction, you are able to portray a vast amount of emotions all at once. This all depends on your environment and who you’re with. Your natural psychic abilities keep you in tune with other people’s feelings and you take them on as your own. In arguments and fights, you tend to avoid them as much as possible. You believe that violence and unpleasant conversations won’t solve anything. When it comes to good news, you become this innocent child - beaming and radiant. Everything is ok and you feel positive. When in love, you put your significant other on a pedestal and can sacrifice a lot for your relationship if you feel like it is worth saving. Try to remove yourself from situations and stop letting other people’s problems affect you so much.

Source: thatpiscesfish

[maiji]

On writing Hokushin 

(unrelated: WOW I just realized I can do headings in tumblr! WOw!!!)

I’m on a roll avoiding other work I should be doing lolll! Lately I’ve been super fortunate to have some great conversations with multiple lovely people about characterization of Hokushin. To probably no one’s surprise, I already think an embarrassingly lot about this and try to convey it in my fanworks, but I actually haven’t really sat down and articulated in depth. Shocking, I know. So here are some cleaned up/slightly more coherently organized version of thoughts!

Below the cut I basically ramble for a long time about understanding Hokushin's character with cultural/historical background and his relationship with Yusuke (and by extension Raizen). And some misc other stuff. I tried to break it out by topic, but a lot of it overlaps. One thing I don't really get into here is specific aspects of Mahayana (Zen) Buddhism, but it has an important underlying relationship with a lot of what l talk about below, and forms a significant part of Raizen and therefore Hokushin's narrative, how their characters are portrayed and framed, aaaand this is already really long. 

With all that in mind, this is one person’s interpretation! I’m no expert, I mostly just read a lot of stuff when I get obsessed with it (usually for storytelling/comics research, and then forget everything soon after lol). In any case, it'd be boring if my ideas on Hokushin were the only ones that exist, and the point of fanworks is to create for personal enjoyment/fulfillment, so please make of it what you will! All I hope is that this was at least somewhat interesting/informative and helps give people more material and more love for Hokushin =D

The loyal retainer archetype

Hokushin's character is very strongly tied to the perceived classic Japanese archetype of the loyal servant/retainer and samurai (bushi/warrior class) ideals. They come with a very distinct paradigm and set of principles. Here’s a simplified summary. 

Purpose, honour and thereby happiness comes from selfless loyalty and servitude. The fulfillment of your existence is to serve the will of your master. 

The ideal/collective whole is prioritized above an (your) individual existence. There is a greater goal that you are merely one small aspect of, and you may not even expect to understand it.

Death is not necessarily perceived as a worst-case scenario, and can be viewed as the most honourable alternative to violating your own or someone else's principles, particularly that of your master. And in some cases, it may even not be an alternative. Death is not an end, but a means to an end usually to support the beliefs held in the previous two points.

We can reference the 8 virtues of bushido - the way of the warrior, sometimes called the samurai code. Now, bear in mind nobody necessarily went around going “I’m a samurai, and this is the code I follow.” This is a list formalized in the late 19th century by writer Nitobe Inazo to explain a concept of bushido and Japanese culture for a Western audience, and then it basically got absorbed back into Japan. Thus, bushido is a pretty heavily romanticized thing, and... anyway that’s beyond the scope of this post lol. The virtues are:

Righteousness (also rendered rectitude, justice)

Courage

Benevolence/mercy

Politeness

Honesty/sincerity

Honour

Duty/Loyalty

Character/self-control

BASICALLY A HOKUSHIN RECIPE, AMIRITE?? There are also particular aesthetic sensibilities to the execution of this archetype partly based on how Japanese history and culture evolved. Bearing and sensitivity matters, more is said in what is not said, there’s stoicism and elegance and refinement and poetry etc. Mono no aware and transience of life and all that stuff.

Essentially, even if such a character disagrees fundamentally with their master's reasoning, it's not unusual for a "true" servant to still abandon their family or their lovers and follow or even precede their master to death in order to uphold their master’s principles. 

In the series, Hokushin says that he doesn't understand the king's reasons for his self-imposed abstinence, but that he still supports the king’s will. Later in the arc, he demonstrates the truth of his statement when he obviously doesn't agree with Yusuke's outrageous tactics regarding the future of their kingdom and the entire Demon World, but upholds it regardless. (As I noted in One and a Half Revolutions, the most "disobedient” Hokushin gets is when he plots strategy with the other monks for what they should do if they end up fighting each other during the tournament, and Yusuke is like YO KNOCK IT OFF NO THROWING FIGHTS. AND ESPECIALLY NOT TO MAKE ME EMPEROR. And Hokushin’s like, well you said you’re not our king anymore, so we don’t have to follow you and can do as we wish. And what we wish to do is make you Emperor. So what’s your issue. And Yusuke is like THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT)

This archetype is also NOTORIOUS for assuming a huge burden of responsibility and/or shame on behalf of their master, often in secret, for maximum service/honour value (and narrative/dramatic impact). The legendary Ako incident (the 47 ronin) is a famous historical example.

This intense commitment can be tricky to depict because you have to finely balance outward stoicism and emotional resonance, and you also want to temper things to make a character more nuanced and not just a flat stereotype - e.g., a "you say jump, I jump" personality or have readers going "omg why is this character so spineless/stupid", ridiculous levels of melodrama, etc. You still want people to be able to empathize with the character and to really feel for them when they make decisions that may otherwise seem extreme or incomprehensible. (Although in many ways there's an Eastern/Western philosophical difference in the perception and understanding of this. A simple modern example that comes to mind is in Pacific Rim, when Raleigh asks Mako why she's so obedient to Pentecost and she replies (paraphrased from memory), "It's not obedience. It's respect.")

The Hokushin decision-making flowchart

I use this very rough mental outline as a general guide if I’m struggling to decide whether or not Hokushin would do something significant. Bearing in mind interesting opportunities are usually not black and white, so “yes” and “no” below are usually more like, “yeah pretty much...” or “no, kinda not...” lol

Is it in accordance with his values? * If yes: go for it. * If no:

Is it in accordance with the will/principles of his master (Raizen, Yusuke, or whomever he’s committed to serve)? * If yes, go for it. * If no:

Does it ultimately aid the endgoals/ideals of his master? * If no: forget it. * If yes:

Can any negative consequences be minimized to affecting Hokushin only or mostly (e.g., punishment or humiliation or capture or whatever) with little to no long-term effects for his master? * If yes: DO IT!!! * If no: FIGURE SOMETHING OUT TO MAKE THIS ANSWER YES!!!!  

Situations of deceit must be handled carefully, especially as honour is a major element of this archetype. The above flowchart can sometimes help... That said, deceit can be particularly challenging to contrive within the master and servant relationship. While we don't see Raizen and Hokushin directly interacting in the series, there's extremely strong implied trust between them. We can see this from how they speak of each other to other characters, namely Yusuke. We can also extrapolate aspects of their relationship from how Yusuke and Hokushin interact, because it's repeatedly emphasized that Yusuke and Raizen are quite similar fundamentally, and Hokushin clearly assumes Yusuke will succeed Raizen.

Yusuke and Hokushin: the initial meeting

In their first meeting, Yusuke’s absolutely furious at being misled by Hokushin. The beautiful thing about the setup of this deceit is how it:

Allows us to see the values and personalities of both characters.

Enables Yusuke and Hokushin to evaluate each other.

Establishes and enhances the dynamics of their relationship.

The above lies in Yusuke’s reaction to a particular piece of information being withheld, and how Hokushin handles the situation after being called out. Remember:

Lying is generally not in line with the loyal retainer/Hokushin’s values.

Honesty and straightforwardness are also big for Yusuke.

With point 1, Hokushin deceives not by lying but by leaving out significant information: that he - and potentially by implication, some % of Raizen’s followers - still eats humans so that they don’t get weak and die. His rationale for doing so is that Yusuke, being formerly human and having lots of people close to him who are human, would have a hard time getting past that fact if he learned this on their first meeting, and would not be willing to follow them to the Demon World. Totally reasonable assumption. If Yusuke doesn’t know, he’s more likely to be receptive to joining their kingdom, which protects the interests of his king and the safety of his people. This passes our flowchart with flying colours. (I elaborate on this a bit more in A Song on All Sides.)

However, when Yusuke figures out what happened, point 2 makes this especially problematic for their relationship. We know Yusuke is all about gut feelings and first impressions, so this could’ve been an awful miscalculation on Hokushin’s part.

When I’ve talked about this scene in the past, I usually focus on how in the next few moments Hokushin’s actions allow him to pass Yusuke’s assessment of whether or not he’s trustworthy. But what’s especially great about it is that judgement is actually going both ways. Before Yusuke explains his position, Hokushin’s politeness is his professional courtesy - he’s doing his duty as Raizen’s retainer. As Yusuke speaks in both manga and anime, you can see the exact moment when Hokushin decides Yusuke is a worthy successor. When Yusuke finishes talking, Hokushin’s manner changes - I’d say subtly, but since he essentially gushes about how much Yusuke resembles Raizen for several lines that’s not really true lmao.

In any case, now that Yusuke’s been deemed worthy, Hokushin steps up immediately to rectify his mistake. And merely admitting an error and explaining himself isn’t gonna cut it in meeting Yusuke’s values - that’s just the bare minimum. A good retainer must know their master so well that they anticipate and go beyond what is merely being requested.

So when Yusuke asks for honesty, not only does Hokushin give that, he takes it one step further with his very succinct, very personal answer to Yusuke’s question of why he follows Raizen. (Paraphrased) "Because King Raizen is like you. Fighting at his side makes me happy. That's everything to me." I can't think of a more perfect reply to mollify, impress and intrigue Yusuke as quickly as that. And in both manga and anime they give Yusuke this little pause as he takes it in - the animation team makes this even more exaggerated than what Togashi did. What I also love is that the dialogue in this scene strongly implies that Hokushin knew how to respond because he knew Raizen so well.

Obviously more stuff happens in the year and a half they spend together in the Makai. Whatever happens, it's clear Yusuke comes to trust Hokushin a lot. He even tells him private, personal things of a nature we don't see him sharing with any other characters. To me, this signals that Hokushin did what a good loyal retainer does, which is to get what makes Yusuke tick and not repeat the same mistake again. (Which is why I always get annoyed at that unnecessary scene they added in the anime version of the tournament... ANYWAYS lol)

Yusuke and Hokushin: the duty of the master

Yusuke starts the series as a solitary delinquent. He despises convention and authority, and dependence on others is a pain. He generally puts on a disaffected attitude, and he often downplays serious emotions with distracting and emotionally shielding tactics like sarcasm. For a character like him, it’s pretty easy to imagine him being all “What the hell, I don’t want to be king! I don’t need a servant!! Go away”. To reject Hokushin’s presence or role totally wouldn’t be out of character. 

One of the things I love about the dynamics between Yusuke and Hokushin is that Yusuke clearly gets Hokushin's mindset, and because of it, steps up in order to be able to reciprocate the relationship. In the classic ideal, the existence of the master gives the retainer’s existence purpose. A warrior without a master is considered ronin, which is a very shameful status. The master’s duty is to be(come) worthy of the loyal retainer’s devotion and to recognize the latter’s value and loyalty, often in unspoken ways.

Yusuke doesn’t want to be king - he outright says that he doesn’t think himself smart enough to take care of everyone in his kingdom. But he accepts the responsibility of his role in his relationship with Hokushin.

Yusuke’s conversations with Hokushin tend to be discussions that are not only honest but also mature. He takes good opportunities to rely on, and to acknowledge, Hokushin as a retainer without hesitation and without pretending complaint. He actually behaves a lot like a lord in the classic relationship in terms of conveying authority, direction, and intimate concerns (in his Yusuke way lol). 

In the meeting with Yomi, Yusuke’s use of the rurimaru is shocking to Hokushin, but when you watch the way the scene is carried off, he bears himself really well in his role. He didn’t carve the rurimaru just because he couldn’t find paper for his lottery names - he specifically chose to do it to the rurimaru, and their value is clearly taken into consideration for his purpose. He also doesn’t crack jokes about having vandalized the gemstones, which, again, would not have been out of character for Yusuke. Instead, he merely presents them exactly the way they should be - as a gift - to ensure he gets Yomi’s attention about his proposal. His body language is dead serious, and he also doesn’t address Hokushin's shocked reactions through the entire scene. He only addresses Yomi. This is totally appropriate form as one ruler to another. 

And even after the kingdom is dissolved, Yusuke doesn’t abandon his people, nor shoo Hokushin off. Hokushin is nearly always at his side throughout the tournament. If we look back at the principles of the loyal retainer archetype, one of the things worse than death is to be told by their master "I don't want you for a servant. You’re a useless burden to me". Of course, another aspect of the archetype is that actions speak louder, so the worst would be actually doing things that reinforce/confirm that statement, but it would still be extremely wounding.

A very clear demonstration of the above is when the two of them arrive at the edge of Yomi's territory. The conversation is basically as follows.

Yusuke: OK thanks for guiding me here. You go home now. Dangerous I go alone you know the drill. Hokushin: No, I'm coming with you. You’re my king. It's my duty to protect you. Yusuke: *after a pause* OK fine behave yourself.

with no further argument from Yusuke. No complaints about being called king, no sarcastic remarks about having a tagalong, nothing. Which is not something we usually see or would expect from him. The emotionally downplayed way the entire conversation happens is also very typical. In light of his character and the dynamics of the master-retainer relationship, Yusuke’s behaviour is extremely thoughtful and kind. 

Yusuke and Hokushin: the duty of the servant

So Yusuke weighed Hokushin’s response and knew there there was no way Hokushin would have let him go into enemy territory alone. So? It’s not like it’s the first time he’s ever disagreed with someone over how something should be done. So what’s different about this situation, compared to how things might have gone down with any other character who is very close to/invested in Yusuke and has previously confirmed they WOULD be willing to risk death for him - Keiko or Kuwabara, for example?

The difference (aside from the fact that they’re civilians and Hokushin’s a warrior, and Hokushin’s obviously a lot stronger and more likely to survive in most situations) is that Keiko and Kuwabara are Yusuke’s friends. Or more, if you want. But even for other people close to Yusuke who ARE warriors, the biggest difference is that they are not bound in servitude to him. Again, the keyword here is duty - and that concept is huge. Yusuke’s friends want to help him. Hokushin wants to help Yusuke too, but not only that, he MUST help Yusuke. His very existence is an obligation to do so. In some cultures, especially modern ones where the emphasis is on the individual, this can be difficult to appreciate and/or seen as an illogical insanity, but it’s a matter of fact for the loyal retainer. They see themselves as an extension of the will of their master.  

Keiko and Kuwabara and any of Yusuke’s other friends mentally would have a normal person pause of “This is ridiculous, stupid Yusuke, you’re crazy!!” and still try to do self-preserving-type things in most instances. To some degree, there’s still an aspect of their decision-making that is not only about Yusuke. They still have a sense that in their relationship with him, they have roles of similar or equal value/weight.

That’s absolutely not true for the loyal retainer. The servant is not equal to the master and the servant firmly believes this because that’s what their existence is defined by. Plus those ingrained principles. For Hokushin, there’d be no normal person pause. We’d zip through that flowchart and he’d be like “You’re crazy. But you’re my king. Guess I’ll die” and like jump into an active volcano or whatever. He would be completely and unhesitatingly willing do something, whether it’s spur-of-the moment or deliberately planned, that would result in death if he thought it’d help safeguard Yusuke/achieve Yusuke’s endgoal. And obviously that's the last thing Yusuke wants.

With this character archetype, this is where a lot of stories end up going for the “and then one of them pretended to let the other person have their way before SURPRISE KNOCKING THE OTHER PERSON UNCONSCIOUS TO PROTECT THEM, and then they went on to do their selfless ‘getting killed in your place’ thing” which I’m super glad Togashi never resorts to. Since all the above builds up to a huge part of what makes the reveal of Yusuke’s gift to Yomi extra effective - Hokushin’s reactions. This is largely why the scene is so comical, because Hokushin’s manner grows more and more freaked out - and entertaining, being in direct contrast to his stoic retainer archetype. Meanwhile, as mentioned previously, Yusuke’s bearing (if not his manner of speaking...) is exactly as a lord in the midst of negotiations would be. (My favourite part is where Hokushin still tries his best to address Yusuke properly as king, before losing it when he finds out Yusuke vandalized the rurimaru. In the manga, his expressions are beyond hilarious. In the anime, his scramble to recover the appropriate body language is really cute. His constantly shifting expressions throughout the background of this entire episode are great too. I always really like the faces in the episodes directed by Enomoto Akihiro.)

Finally, food.

One more challenge with Hokushin is his diet. He needs to eat humans or will suffer from the same malnutrition that is sapping Raizen’s energy and killing him. At the same time, he’s depicted as a character of integrity and compassion, so I always feel obligated to think carefully about the topic of procuring a human for food. I take a stab at an idea in the prequel Mirror Most Dark. However, the approach isn’t very feasible for the time period of actual Yu Yu Hakusho.

From a writing perspective, the problem is one of scale. It goes beyond Hokushin as an individual to the situation of a reliable/sustainable food source in Raizen’s kingdom for the % of Raizen’s population that needs it. And whatever it is, Hokushin is likely highly involved as the main instrument of Raizen’s will. I have some ideas but haven’t really cared to flesh (haha) them out to a point that’s satisfactory to me yet, so it’s only barely touched on in One and a Half Revolutions. This is far less of an issue after the series ends, when you can easily come up with ideas on how they’re looking for or have found alternatives, but during the time period of the actual series your options are more restricted. 

I have lots more stuff around these themes and ideas planned for North Bound too I JUST NEED TO GET AROUND TO DRAWING THEM

In conclusion, thank you for reading this mess lmao.

[cordonianchoicesqueen]

Rewritten: The Royal Romance: You’re the Prince of What Now? (Part Three)

A/N: I never read the diamonds chapter for this but this is how I’d want it to go. I like to think that most people wouldn’t believe Liam outright when he says he’s a prince and actually question him on it.

Summary: Riley comes to terms with the fact the handsome stranger she has been spending time with is a prince. She decides to take him on an adventure to see the Statue of Liberty.

Choices Chapter: Book One, Chapter One, Second Half

Disclaimer: Characters and main storyline from Pixelberry’s Choices.

Word Count: 2653

Warnings: none

You’re the Prince of What Now?

He took my hand gently, “I’m sorry. I’ll tell you the truth.” “What is that then?” “The truth is, Riley… I’m the Crown Prince of Cordonia.”

I scoffed. This man is insane or at least insane to believe I would believe… I looked him dead in the eyes. I saw nervousness but not deception. “You’re a great con-artist. I almost believe you,” I shook my head, pulling my hand away. “You can google it! I promise! I know it sounds crazy. It’s a tiny country. It’s not like I’m claiming to be next in line to the thrown of Great Britain. Although, I do know their family very well…” he rambled as I pulled out my phone. “How do you spell Cordonia?” As he spelt it out to me, I searched: prince of cordonia. Immediately, images of Liam at all sorts of grand events popped up. Articles about his elder brother passing the thrown to Liam earlier in the year. Pictures of Liam wearing a crown, sat beside a man who could only be his father and king of this country I had never heard of. I slowly lowered myself back into my seat. I was in shock. The day had just been progressively becoming more like a fantasy. Liam looked as though he was about to speak but I stopped him. I wasn’t ready to speak and I read page after page. I even spotted Tariq and Maxwell in a few pictures. Finally, I landed on a tabloid page which was titled What Will Our Prince Get Up to in the U.S.A? “You’re a prince?” was the only thing I could muster. This felt like a conversation you could only have in a movie in a beautiful garden with a prince dressed like a beggar taking off his disguise and declaring his love at first sight for the girl in front of him. The reality was that we could barely hear each other over the blaring pop music and cheers of the crowds on the dancefloor of Kismet. Did this change what I thought of him?   “Perhaps I should’ve been more upfront with you… But I’m not normally allowed to go around without the Royal Guard, and I was only allowed out on the condition that I kept my identity a secret. I got to be free. I’m very aware that I have a duty to the monarchy. I’ve never known anything else. But what about you? You could be anything, do anything. What drives you, Riley?” Struggling to figure out how the conversation had come back around to me I said, “what I really want is to see the world. I’m saving and one day I’m going to go see everything.” “That’s beautiful,” Liam said, his voice light and wistful. I glanced up, taking him in again with all the information I had just learned. It weirdly didn’t change anything about how I’d viewed him. He’d seemed caring, selfless and kind, which he obviously was from his philanthropist acts as prince. He seemed both down to earth and from some other world entirely. Mostly, I was just sad to know I’d probably never get to see him again. I guess in our short conversations, I had already started to have feelings for him and had hoped we could maybe have met up again but now… this night was all I was going to have with him. So I was going to make it count. I broke his gaze and spotted the guys on the dance-floor, mingling with other club goers. Maxwell was waving his limbs all over the place, making many people on the dance-floor laugh. I could, almost, hear him egging on Drake to show off his moves. Drake stood almost still, swaying to the beat, a large glass of whiskey in his hand rolling his eyes at Maxwell but smiling. Tariq had joined them on the dance-floor, holding his glass of champagne high so that it wouldn’t spill. It was time to stop being the over-thinker I always tended to be and live in this moment. In some crazy turn of events I was out clubbing with a prince from a foreign country who was interested in me and trusted me enough to share his big secret. “Let’s dance,” I took Liam’s hand confidently. I led him down onto the dance-floor. He seemed amused by me taking the lead and his smile melted my heart. We helped ourselves to more drinks and joined his friends. They all seemed so different but fit together like puzzle pieces from different boxes creating something new, cohesive and exciting. I barely knew them but I felt included and happier than I had felt in months. I wrapped my arms around Liam’s neck, swaying and laughing with him as pop song after pop song played. His hands felt warm on my hips and I wanted to pull him closer but dared not push any unspoken boundary. “Looks like your friends are having fun,” I gestured. “Good. I’m happy for them. They deserve to have fun… tomorrow, it’s back to Cordonia for the start of the social season,” he whispered in my ear with mixed emotion. I stood on my tip-toes to reach his ear and whispered back, “It’s not tomorrow yet…” “What are you suggesting?” he said, his face so close to mine I could feel the dimple of his smile form in his cheek. “You said you wanted to see the statue of liberty. Let’s do it!” I said. “It’s so late! Won’t all the tours be closed?” he questioned. “I have my ways,” I said sneakily.

Getting Liam to ride the subway with me was a challenge. He stuck out like a sore thumb as he looked around in awe at the public transport system he had heard so much about but never seen for himself. We had swung around poles on the almost empty carriage and annoyed everyone with our giggling. Finally, we made it Whitehall street where the Staten Island Ferry docks. “So I can’t get you all the way to the statue of liberty,” I admitted, “but I can take you on a boat with the best view in town, I promise.” As if by magic, the Ferry came into view and began to dock. I explained to him that the Staten Island Ferry runs 24/7, is frequent and doesn’t cost a penny. “I used to love riding the ferry after a night out and eat some take-out food with a view. It feels classy but on a budget,” I laughed. He shook his head at me in disbelief, “what a lucky man I am to have stumbled upon you this evening.” I looked away before he could see me blush and led him onto the boat. We situated ourselves in some of the ugly plastic seats with a view out of the windows. As the boat left the docks, I felt the wind get chillier and shivered. “Are you cold?” Liam asked, concern in his voice. “I’m okay, really,” I lied, missing my sweat pants that were still sitting in my locker at Elliot’s. We sat in comfortable silence until suddenly out of the darkness, the unmistakable sight of the Statue of Liberty came into view. Liam stood, his mouth open in awe, staring at the sight. I had seen the statue enough times to no longer be hit by the history of the monument but looking at it through his eyes made me feel like it was the first time. I thought of the history of immigrants arriving in New York and seeing Lady Liberty, ready to welcome them through. Times had changed since then, some positive and some negative. History has a way of repeating itself and remembering how prejudice has affected the world can help figure out the problems of today. “Did you know,” Liam said, still transfixed on the statue, “that there are seven spikes on her crown? They represent the seven oceans and the seven continents of the world. Reminding us of the universal concept of unity and liberty.” “I did not know that,” I stood next to him. He placed his arm around me and it felt like the perfect fit. “Thank you for this, Riley, really,” he said quietly. He felt how cold I was and took off his jacket, draping it around me. “This really is turning into a corny fairy-tale you know,” I said laughing at his kind gesture. “How so?” he smirked. “Come on. Prince and his pauper on a night time boat ride in New York city, the attractive male lead puts his jacket round the girl’s shoulder so that she feels protected and cared for.” “And what happens next in his story?” he asked. I tucked a hair that was blowing in the wind behind my ear. I felt all the confidence in my body surge as I stood on my toes and kissed him. His lips were soft and tasted like a mix of honey and champagne. He took my face in his hands and pulled me closer, kissing me deeply. I could feel his nose pressed up alongside mine as he lightly nibbled my lower lip. I felt anxiety leave my body, all thoughts and worries were gone and replaced with the thought of the man who stood before me. When the kiss ended, we both blushed beetroot red and giggled. “I feel like I’m five years old,” Liam laughed. “You’ve completely captured me, Riley.” He shook his head in disbelief. I wanted to tell him that that was ridiculous, that I couldn’t possibly have done anything to make me care for him that much in the short few hours we had known each other. But I couldn’t because I felt the same. It wasn’t love at first sight but it was definitely chemistry, attraction, care and a lot of other bubbling, butterfly feelings. Enough that I knew saying goodbye would hurt.

A short while later, we stood outside the door to my apartment building. Liam, ever the gentleman, had insisted he make sure I get home safe. The stars above us twinkled. A beautiful night, for a beautiful story I would tell for years to come, I was sure. The story of my night with a prince in New York City. “Well I guess this is me,” I said, letting go of his hand. “Thank you for your company, Riley. Tonight has been… for lack of a better word incredible from the moment I met you,” Liam stepped closer to me so that I could feel so body heat radiating. He kissed me, pulling me in deeply. It was a kiss tinged with sadness, of a story that was never going to be told, of what could have been. My arms still around his neck we kept our foreheads touching, enjoying this final moment. “I am a better person for having met you,” he said softly. “I’ll never forget this night.” He kissed me on my forehead. “Neither will I. Goodnight, Prince Liam. Good luck picking a bride. She is a really lucky woman,” I said. We stepped apart. I walked up the few steps to the building and unlocked my door. As I stepped inside I looked back. Liam hadn’t moved an inch. I waved sadly. He bowed and walked away...

The next morning, I woke up with only a slight hangover headache. I grabbed some water and looked at my dishevelled morning after face in the mirror. The night before had been a dream… a memory I would have to hold close to me otherwise I’d never believe it had actually happened. It was time to get back to the real world and that meant preparing for another shift at Elliot’s. Dragging myself to the bar took a lot of coaxing but I still managed to get out my apartment with enough time to get some fresh air walking over. Just as I reached the door of the bar, I heard a familiar voice shouting behind me. “Riley! Riley!” I turned and saw Maxwell from the night before panting as he ran up to me. “Glad I caught you.” He stopped, putting his hands on his legs as he caught his breath. Maxwell then stood up straight, shook off the run and smiled widely at me. “We’re heading back to Cordonia so Liam can find someone to marry and all that jazz. But before I go, I wanted to officially extend to you an invitation to join us for the festivities in Cordonia.” “What?” was all I managed. I hadn’t expected to see any of the men again from last night, never mind Maxwell surprising me the next morning before work with an invitation to go travelling with him. “You wouldn’t usually be allowed to join… but I want our family to sponsor you!” Maxwell goofily smiled and gave me finger guns. “Sponsor me?” I was still so confused. “I’m from a noble house, but I don’t have any sisters, so we don’t have anyone in contention to marry the Prince. Instead, we can sponsor any girl we choose,” he said. “And I want you to be our pick.” “Why me?” I asked aghast. “I’m not just doing it for you. I saw how Liam looked at you last night. I’ve never seen him so happy. Honestly, I don’t want him to lose that,” he said. He waited a moment for a response but seeing my speechlessness said, “We’re kinda crunched for time, though. I’ve got a plane leaving within the hour…” “You’re moving a little fast, don’t you think? You want me to drop my whole life and move to another country with strangers to marry a prince?” I asked abruptly. “No time to waste! The opening Masquerade ball is tonight! It’s the start of the… uh, I guess you could say, it’s the start of the competition,” he said un-phased. “What do you mean competition?” “There’s a whole horde of gorgeous, rich, noble women vying to become Cordonia’s next queen. And it’s not just about winning the Prince’s hand. You’ve also got to prove to the council that you can rule Cordonia with him. But I think you’ve got what it takes. You’re witty, charming, beautiful, intelligent and Liam’s already suuuuper into you so you’ve got all that going for you!” he explained excitedly. “So… a fancy masquerade… so if I said yes… what else would I be getting myself into?” I said wondering how my mind was already talking myself into this. “Fun stuff! I promise! You’ll get to go yachting in the Mediterranean, ski-ing in the Alps and dancing in the Royal Palace… and it will all be funded by the Beaumont family as our sponsor,” he added, wiggling his eyebrows. Travelling and experiencing the world had always been my dream. This offer sounded too good to be true. “I just…” I felt reality stopping me from jumping up and down yes.   “Or you know, you can stay here… and go back to your waitressing gig with your shitty boss. That’s probably just as fun.” For a moment I thought about the life I had in New York. My friends had all moved away. My family ties were not tight. I hated my job and most days living in my tiny apartment. I felt crushed by the expectations of the life I felt like I had to lead. I then thought about the night before. Was I really going to give up everything I had for a man? But I wasn’t really giving up anything. I could do this for me, for adventure, for a positive change. I slowly started to smile. “I’m in!” I said, not quite believing what I was saying. “Yeah! GO PACK! This is going to be the adventure of a lifetime!” Maxwell yelled in glee wrapping me up in a big hug.

[jose-carioca]

hmmm I’m going to post a big ramble about my feelings about the reveal of the new show coming in 2019, I’m going to say a lot of negative stuff so if you ain’t into negativity then don’t read it!

Sorry for the salt like normally I NEVER try to be salty on this blog but hoo boy. I want to kind of let people know how I feel about this one.

(quick clarification that i don’t mind when fans don’t know the José Facts, how can they know, esp when Disney Themselves does it wrong in canon. I am mostly angry at Disney not the fans)

ok so like I am actually not anywhere near excited for the new show featuring my boy and like right now I am just dreading it. Until I see a trailer or something that can calm some of my worries, I am not happy about this. I am Worried, and I have NOT been a fan of José‘s cartoon appearances for decades, and it’s weird and alienating to watch people be excited and feel I’m the only one filled with dread so I’m going to do a big rant about my concerns and my feelings. I am just hoping things go better than I expect to. It’s more useful for me to be negative, cynical and assume the worst and to be pleasantly surprised then it is for me to get excited and be crushingly disappointed.

José and Panchito are important, and they represent cultures, and when Disney gets them wrong it stings!!!! And Disney has gotten them wrong before!

The Number One first test of if I view this show as being worth my time even a little bit is simply José pronouncing his own name right. If I saw a clip of José saying his own name, saying it the Brazilian way and NOT the Spanish way, then I would be feeling good. The fact José keeps saying his own name wrong is just. SO DISRESPECTFUL. Disney Doesn’t Know the FIRST and the most BASIC thing about this character, it’s awful. I have NEVER seen anything like this happen to another character. It is just SO disrespectful, SO awful they don’t even know his NAME.

When you watch the movies, when you watch any of the really old material and José has his old voice actor, you FEEL the respect of the culture, you feel that Brazillians  worked on these things, you know it’s right!! In newer stuff, the United States of America completely LOST that respect, they make José pronounce his own name wrong!! Holy crap!!

If the new show has that cultural respect then it will be good. If the show does not have that cultural respect, then I am going to be angry.

I have NEVER seen a fan of these characters from the United States be worked up about these cultural things like me. They’re happy to take any appearance they can get. The only people who get pissed off and angry about José being wrong, saying his own name WRONG, are people from Brazil. And like One close friend I talk to on tumblr. No one else cares. The USA doesn’t care!!!

Like I actually avoid 3 Caballeros fandom because of this (and some other stuff) Where is the unending anger? Where is the worry that the cultures will be properly respected? Disney consistently trashes culture. They do it all the time. Disney takes culture, chews it and spits it out into something wrong. They don’t make stuff with the intent to be respectful a lot of the time, it’s made to be consumed by people who love in the USA.

AND I WANT TO BE CLEAR. José is my main concern absolutely but I am also Very Worried about Panchito. One cool thing José doesn’t need to deal with is like.. People in the USA are so culturally ignorant. They don’t know anything about Brazil and so José can’t be stereotyped. But Panchito? Oh Boy. The USA has a LOT of Mexican stereotypes. There are some times where Panchito is portrayed in a way that starts to activate my Flight Response.

Like I basically defer to my Mexican girlfriend to these things. If she feels like Panchito is a great representation of her culture then it’s good. But if Panchito makes her uncomfortable then. Bad.

I would love José and Panchito to have voice actors from their countries but I absolutely do not expect that to happen. If they had voice actors from their countries that would soothe a lot of my worries. I would know people from those cultures are there, working on the show.

Like the old movies are so respectful to the cultures, you can tell people from the cultures are working on it, you can tell everyone working there researched Brazil and Mexico and they’re trying hard to do it justice, it is beautiful, hardly ANY modern movies in this current day and age have that love and respect when they are talking about another culture.

I’m not even worried about Brazil and Mexico only. If this is a Travel Adventure Show then there can be TONS of cultures who are just portrayed wrong. Not even the depth and the love they deserve. Stereotyped Ignorant United States Garbage cultures. Made to be consumed, not loved. Plenty of Travel Adventure Shows are just a disaster at showing real love and respect to the cultures they’re using. Some Travel Adventure Shows do a GREAT job.

BREATHES

I’m going to say some positive things now!!!

Those little Mickey Mous.e shorts are my favorite animated appearance of José other than the old 1940s stuff. He has a Brazilian voice actor. There is love and respect for his culture present. There’s a shout-out to the Brazilian interpretation of him. One of his nephews appeared in the short. (I sure hope they were aware of and giving a shout-out to Zeca and Zico and that it wasn’t just a coincidence lol) That gives me hope. Disney CAN do this. They HAVE given Joe a voice-actor from Brazil before. They HAVE shown glimpses of his culture in a beautiful and vibrant way.

If this new show FEELS like that good old movie, then it’s going to feel good!!!

Things that would make me lose my mind and adore this show include:

all three boys being like way too touchy-feely with each other, lots of physical affection and love present. LIKE THE MOVIE. I know we ain’t getting kisses in this day and age because “ew gay” and Disney is so not anywhere near making characters look gay because Fuck Disney, but IMAGINE IF THEY DID. IMAGINE. WOULDN’T IT BE BEAUTIFUL.

If there is ANY reference of the Brazilian comics with José I will Lose it. I will Lose My Mind, My Soul Will Explode, I Will Be Able to Die Happy. It can be really small. José says ONE OF HIS BRAZILIAN FRIEND’S NAMES... José has a picture of someone in his wallet! He mentions his nephews in passing! If Nestor, Rosina, Zeca, Zico, Pedrão or Afonsinho had an animated appearance then that would just be. That would just be great.

No one ever acknowledges José’s Brazilian life. In fact, creators who work with José make a conscious effort to ignore it. Like Rosa said it out-loud he was choosing to disregard José’s Brazilian portrayal. He knew about it and he choose to ignore it. Lots of José’s so-called fans also can be disrespectful to the thousands of comics from José’s home country. Which I don’t get. If you love the character you know he’s Brazilian. You don’t have to totally love what Brazil does to him but doesn’t Brazil have more authority over José than someone from the USA?

Like... Guys. I am not even a fan of the United States’s portrayal of Joe. I hate it. I’m a fan of Brazilian José. And his personality is not a Brazilian invention. Walt did comics of José being an obnoxious little con-artist. But like, the United States started rejecting and hating that part of him. People often prefer this version of José with his character stripped away.

Is this show going to show love and respect for José’s culture? If I got a small snippet of his Brazilian personality, that would be SO HUGE. José being himself, IN THE UNITED STATES, for the first time since the 1940s.

I would Actually Cry.

This show has so much potential to be so good, but it’s also got so much potential to be more of the same. More of José saying his own name wrong. More people in the United States NOT KNOWING anything about the truth of this character.

And like, based on Dis.ney’s current history I totally expected more of the Same

but man it would be so great if José got to come back. The José who shows up in all those other TV shows, saying his own name wrong, he’s wrong, he’s a shell of who he was in the 40s. When people who knew and loved the character and love Brazilian culture worked on him.

Yet I am also fully expecting that when this show comes out, I will hate it and have to edit this blog and make it clear to people this is BRAZILIAN José, not the United States Garbage José.

anyway. Boy. I sure care about a cartoon bird a lot, huh? I am Full of Emotions.

[namjoonchronicles]

learn | jk

↳ author’s note Being emotionally unattached, Jungkook took the challenge from Namjoon to pro-create a raw interview, hoping that Jungkook can learn a thing or two about emotions between two individuals.

Documenting an interview with an actual person had always been Jungkook’s favourite. And he is quite excited with today’s guest. It shows by the way he tugged the wires to one of his expensive camera and how he meticulously position the huge lighting stands, in order for it to show exceptionally well in his videos.

The guests today are very quite dear to Jungkook. One being his role model and the other, being someone who nurtures and always have nice things to say. The sole objective today is to imprint and document two individuals that, to Jungkook, are personalities that are usually hidden from the harsh cruel world. People who strangers look past to, but never really forgot. Whose presence is brief but well-remembered. And Jungkook is fortunate to be more than just acquaintance.

A timid knock on the door took Jungkook’s attention away from his camera, that he spent too much time fiddling with. He jogs to the door and have them open in a second, he greets and stepped back to give you some room to enter. Eyes gleaming with awe, a pretty sun dress with petal details that bounces with little steps you make, you exclaimed, “This is the famous set... I’m actually here right now, Namjoon it’s so exciting...”

Turning your heels to face Namjoon who was walking in, with oozing charisma, a small dimple forming on his cheek as he watches you be at awe. He snaps his head to Jungkook and tapped his own chin as if he had made a decision, “She’s going to go first. I have some phone calls to take, and it won’t be long.” Namjoon extended his arm to Jungkook’s shoulder to give a firm, motivating squeeze that the shoot today is going to go smooth.

Jungkook nodded, pleasingly. The camera is turned on, the brightness from the light made you squint your eyes a little, flinching from the seat Jungkook have you sat on. “Wow the light is so bright.” You gushed, wincing away, with your hand covering your eyes. “...it’ll dim out after awhile don’t worry,” Jungkook fixes the camera zoom to you. Your shoulders showing, the sun dress draped over your figure, and you sat cross-legged, in a 45 degree angle from the camera lens.

Jungkook moves to the camera that pointed to you, to study your movements and face expressions. There are questions that he had prepared for you. The lenses focus on you, as Jungkook primed them and when he got the coloring just right, he kept his eyes wide and muttered, “Excellent.”

“I look okay, right? I thought the sun dress is a bit too much, but Namjoon liked it so I went with it.” You started blabbering because the atmosphere was too focused on you and Jungkook doesn’t talk much. “Noona, you look exceptionally great. Just loosen up, you look a bit tense. We’re just going to talk,” Jungkook assured and he liked that his words seems to have an immediate effect on you because as soon as he said that, you slouched your shoulders, funnily.

“There you are. That’s the noona I know.” He giggled and snatched the notepad he had by the tall stool of his director’s chair—a gift from Taehyung, custom-made. “I was forced to dress up, snatched from my plain white Tees and long trousers... to a leg showing sun dress and heels I would have never worn if this hadn’t happened.”

Jungkook’s eyes crinkled when he laughs and that was one of your favorite thing about him. His genuine laugh. There’s nothing pretentious about it. “...okay, let’s go. Introduce yourself.”

Deep breaths, inhale and exhale, your name, “...and I’m Namjoon’s wife. Of three, incredible and satisfying years. Was that too much?” Jungkook shakes his head and said, “Graciously kind when I know you wanted to say, incredibly tiring and expensive three years from all the things he broke and rebought.” It had you throwing your head back laughing.

Next question becomes more intimate.

“...I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist. I just have methods in handling thing that aren’t necessarily Namjoon’s way of doing things, so we argue about that a lot. Like Namjoon would binge work. And I have an office work. I come at 8 and go home by 6, I have off days on weekends but Namjoon,” you scoffed and shake your head a little, tightening you grasp on your knee, “...He would stay at work until he finishes them and come home after he feels like he needs a day off. He’s the real epitome of the word ‘workaholic’.”

Jungkook scribbles with pen, underlining his question, marked: Done. So he told you to, “Tell him through the camera.”

You snapped your head to the camera in front of you and pursed your lips, as if you were talking to Namjoon, “You’re the real workaholic here baby, don’t even try to argue with me.”

“The best features of Namjoon,” Jungkook blurted nonchalantly, before darting his eyes up and realising he needs to clarify, “Let’s keep it PG13.”

You rested your elbow on the armrest of the tall chair, placing your chin on the heel of your hand, blinking in deep thought. “The biggest thing about Namjoon is not PG13,” to which Jungkook giggled, his ears turning red and superbly embarrassed in Namjoon’s place. And the fact that you said it in a straight face, made Jungkook covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

“...Namjoon is,” you paused, shedding the negativity in your thoughts and on to the good qualities that made Namjoon’s presence so oddly loud to you, “Namjoon is thoughtful. Namjoon is careful in his words. Namjoon is an intellectual. He puts difficult words to be painfully simple, and he is very observant eventhough he rarely seem so.”

You looked up and sideways at the corner of the tiny studio, trying to remember more of Namjoon’s quality that he possesses but not enough to be noticed. But you got reminded by his gesture so you perk up in your seat, grinning, and clasping your hands together, hoping you get the details right.

“There’s this one time. Actually a lot of times, now that I think of it. I catch him staring at me across the room, just looking. And I find it odd because Seokjin says when he looks to Namjoon he always seemed to be on the phone... at first I didn’t notice. But as we were married, I realised that he does this a lot. And I hope he continues to do that, because it makes me feel good. Like I mattered.”

You nodded, to your pointy heels, “...Namjoon always makes you feel like you mattered. And I hope he knows that I think he mattered too,” you smacked your lips together. Jungkook smiled with satisfaction. The raw emotions were coming out really well. And it shows through the lenses and was captured with beauty and grace through the perfect lighting and words. Jungkook sent you off to get Namjoon.

Namjoon walks in awkwardly, feeling a bit incomplete without his wife around but he understands that it’s a must. You stamped a kiss on his cheek, careful to rub the marks off and went to the cafe underneath Jungkook’s studio. “Do I sit here?” Namjoon asked.

“Yeah. Do so, comfortably.” Jungkook fixed the height of the camera to capture Namjoon’s face better, since you were a bit smaller than Namjoon, the camera’s height matched yours. “Wow her perfume lingers on this chair.” Namjoon sniffs and cleared his throat. “Thank you Jungkook for, helping me. I have no idea what to give her for this anniversary. I’m going to take her on a trip, but I did that last year.” Namjoon pressed a smile and Jungkook didn’t reply enthusiastically. Compliments between guys are still awkward.

“No problem. I have always wanted to do a raw interview and I think you guys are perfect for it. Everything feels authentic and real, you guys really have a knack for it.” Jungkook fixes the lenses again. “Okay, let’s start... introduce yourself.”

“I am Kim Namjoon, I’m a music producer and I’m married for three years now. And counting.” He smiled to the camera, shyly.

“Do you write songs about your wife?”

“It’s hard not to. When you find someone that inspires you so much, you were bound to write about them. Diss tracks are also mostly her words. She..., right you guys don’t know this but I’m going to expose her, she cusses, like a sailor. She looks all polite on the outside but really shejust, out of the blue, ‘Fuck’. And no apologies.” Namjoon was really fond of that memory, “I was so surprised... I really just watched her, blinking.”

“What are the songs that were inspired by her?”

“...I haven’t released any of it. It was something I would release when I feel the time is right...to do so. I don’t know if she’ll like it. I hope she does.” Namjoon clasped his hands together in a prayer mode, and Jungkook could see how your validations affects him. “What are the things you argue about the most?”

“Not breaking things? Not to bring Ryan plushies because it takes over the bed? Laundries? And time. We argue the most about having time together, I honestly think it’s very difficult to spend time together. We have different work ethiques. Different work line, so it gets, complicated,” Namjoon pursed his lips. “What is the best thing about her?”

“There is a lot. She always make sure I eat. She calls often and I’m guilty of not answering most of it, so she texts. I’ll be home to food ready but she’ll be asleep so I just eat after I warm it up. I hate spicy food and eventhough she likes them to death, she always make sure that the food she cooks for me aren’t too spicy.”

“She’s thoughtful. And it’s nice to come home to somebody, and to having purpose on doing what you’re doing. A reason to work hard.” Namjoon blinked to the view ahead. Jungkook felt a tinge of jealousy when Namjoon said that and when the interview end, he kept replaying the part that Namjoon says with a smile,

“Even when she’s wrong, she’s never wrong. I mean, as a husband, you’ll learn to say sorry even if it’s not your fault. Because she’s done so much for you, you can live with a false guilt just to keep her in your life, you know...”

If saying sorry is what keeping this relationship sailing, then Jungkook’s feelings will have to be penetrable and showing apologetic gestures, isn’t always guilt. It sometimes meant, you love someone so much that you’ll shed your ego just to keep them around. That’s love.

And while watching and editing, Jungkook realised that he had so much to learn before being able to love. Gladly, he’s a quick learner.

[classicnovaproductions]

Atomic Blonde (and why I’m a Sapphic who adored it)

Okay, first off…WOW! What a ride that film was! After having a full 24hrs  to really digest this film, I can honestly say that this film really blew my  expectations, in so many different ways. Since there seems to be so much  discourse over this film, I thought I would post a POSITIVE list of all the  reasons why this film is as important and special to me as it is, even with  That Scene. As Lorraine Broughton would say, “ Shall We?”

Okay first off, the obvious…

AESTHETIC MUCH!?

80′s soundtrack with phenomenal remixes.

NEON FOR DAYS!!

Charlize Theron, playing a truly Bad-Ass Bisexual MI6 Agent while still looking sexy as Hell!

The action was some of the best I have ever witnessed!

The general setting of this film, Communist Berlin, gives a remarkable window into just what the Cold War in its later stages entailed. The Cold War was perhaps one of the most deceitful wars in history, and when you figure in just how sensitive the situation was, you realize that Every. Move. Counts.

Lorraine Broughton

She owns my ass.

Again, we have an Openly-Bisexual Female Lead, who’s only main love interest is another woman!

Charlize Theron not only did 98% of all her own stunts, but she sustained injuries because of it.

I loved her characterization, it was one of the highlights of this film. We often forget that movies like this are hardly ever realistic, but in this film the opening scene is of Lorraine, MI6′s Top Agent, wearily trying to attend to her beaten body. She is barely alive, and as the film goes on we see just how much of a toll her physical and emotional well-being takes due to the nature of her job. As the film progresses we see her grow more cold and disconnected to the point where she is practically numb to those around her (her interrogation, mostly).

She wins all her fights, but not without repercussions. Her body takes. A. Beating. And unlike most films her wounds don’t just magically disappear or just “get better”. No, they are there for weeks, in all their ugliness, to display just how vulnerable as a person she is, whilst also reminding those who see her how tough and strong she has to be just to merely survive.

Lorraine and Delphine

Okay, first off…OMG THESE TWO!

Sofia Boutella was adorable as Delphine, and the way her innocence and naive-ness abolutely melted Lorraine was so cute!

The way Lorraine looked at Delphine with such intrigue, and the way Delphine looked at Lorraine with such awe.

The whole “Harold, they’re Lesbians”-like scenario with the dude at the bar (even tho Lorraine is Bi).

Again, we get another glimpse into Lorraine’s characterization here, which is basically she gets distracted by pretty girls we see that, even though Lorraine is still skeptical of Delphine at first, she very easily falls for her, a softness that we up until that point had yet to see in her.

Delphine’s slight hesitance when she gives Lorraine that adorably soft kiss and Lorraine’s shyness in returning it!

The way we see Lorraine follow Delphine into a more private place and being so dazed and transfixed by this tiny French Girl is mesmerizing and makes my heart skip a beat!

OMG their wicked make-out session and the slamming against the wall and the WHOLE SCENE THAT FOLLOWS I COULD NOT BREATH!

“…So you made contact with the French Operative?” “Obviously”

Lorraine in nothing but a sweater looking over Delphine as she sleeps-watching, wondering, worrying about what will happen to her.

THEY GOT TOGETHER MORE THAN ONCE!

AFTER-SEX SNUGGLES!

Honestly, them snuggling was one of the most tender moments in the whole film. For once it feels as though Lorraine is being genuine with Delphine, which she picks up on.

Lorraine stroking Delphine’s hair while Delphine nudges her head in Lorraine’s neck is so precious. The way Lorraine is so gentle with her and laughs and smiles at her makes my heart melt so much! She cares so much for this one woman she just met and it is so beautiful!

Tiny Soft Nose Kisses!

The fact their relationship, no matter how brief, is actually a small subplot means so much because it really feels like this was for us Sapphics, despite what happens later.

That Scene among other things

Oh boy, here we go. In my opinion, I did not see this as partaking in the horrid “Kill Your Gays” trope.

We saw it coming in the trailer you guys, and I was fully prepared for this scenario.

She was a naive, inexperienced spy who got too close to Lorraine, and suffered the ultimate price for it. This happened to all of Lorraine’s lovers (although I honestly think she was just using her first one for information, where as she truly cared for Delphine).

Delphine Fought. Back. Hard! And she did a damn good job at keeping up. But unfortunately she did not have the skill nor the experience to win that battle. She is not Lorraine, who barely came out the mission alive!

This is a spy film about the Cold War, there were going to be many, many casualties. Lorraine (Another Queer) was the only one to make it out alive.

When Lorraine found Delphine, I truly felt for her then. This is the first time we see her fully shut down as she Empathetically mourns her girlfriend (which we hardly get to see in general, the LGBT Hero mourning the death of their lover).

At this point, after all that she has gone through (the beatings, the betrayals, the loss of intelligence, etc) this is the one thing that finally breaks her, and LORRAINE. IS. FUCKING. DONE.

She is done with everything around her, and we see this as she goes from on-the-ground vulnerable to STONE. COLD. NOTHING. And she goes out for blood, and Damn-It does she get it! She shows no mercy for Delphine’s killer, and it is obvious that this is revenge in its most raw form.

In the end this is a story about a spy in the Cold War, and in a genre like this things are going to be very brutal. We see this brutality play out on Lorraine, and how it affects her and all of those involved. She made it out with her life, and that was her reward. 

So Delphine’s death, to me, was the final Plot Point to move us into the final act, as it was portrayed as the one act of Evil that Crossed That Line, and to further the Characterization of Lorraine.

I could go one about the phenomenal action sequences, because I have never witnessed such raw and realistic fighting in an action movie, and to have a Female Bisexual as the lead taking as much as she dishes out was both horrifying yet empowering!

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion, and if you think this film will seriously trigger you, then by all means please take care of your well-being, because that is ultimately the most important thing.

Was I sad that Delphine died? Yes, of course! Did I see it as strictly because she was gay? No, I did not. Do I see this as good representation? Ultimately, yes because I still felt incredibly valid as a Bisexual in more ways than one with this film, and the last time I felt this good about myself was when I first saw Carol (2015) dir. Todd Haynes in theaters (which nothing will ever top that film).

But for everyone else, please GO SEE THIS FILM. For the one negative we must also see all it’s Astonishing Positives this film has, and for it to get the attention and praise that it has is such a big deal for all of us, because if we show our support for this truly Rare Gem then they will make a sequel, and other films like it! Only then can we move forward!

UPDATE: So I just saw Atomic Blonde today for the second time in one week, and upon my second viewing I’ve come to realize just how much I love this film, and why it beat out my expectations originally! And it mainly falls back to what I discussed earlier, about Lorraine and Delphine’s romance and Lorraine herself, for instance:

Again, I love Lorraine’s characterization! Being more aware of the story my second time-round, I got to focus more on Lorraine herself, and I think I underestimated just how cold and numb and positively DONE she is by the “end” of her mission (again, in reference to her interrogation).

The physical and emotional toll on her and her body really is just as prominent as I remember, and my goodness I cannot recall another film where I actually left the theatre physically exhausted by what I just watched. Everything she’s endured sort of rubs off on you, and if that isn’t the most engrossing experience a character can portray, than I do not know what is.

Delphine and Lorraine, my god I love their relationship! It is the only relationship in the whole film solely built on attraction and Mutual Trust, so much so where they would rather protect each other over their mission.

In fact, going in this movie the first time all I was expecting between them was the “One Night Stand” that was so heavily portrayed in the trailers-which I would of been happy with-and, (just like in the trailers) I prepared myself for Delphine’s demise soon after-But we had an entire subplot dedicated to their relationship, right up to the very end!

Because of this Lorraine’s and Delphine’s romance felt genuine, filled with love and tenderness and worry and drive to protect each other-and that really is beautiful representation.

Which, I believe, is why Lorraine truly shuts down when it all goes south, and why we see the Lorraine we do in her interrogation. SHE IS COLD. SHE IS BEATEN. AND SHE IS TIRED.

In the end, I do think she cared more for Delphine than past lovers, which is why she seems so utterly broken when we first see her. She went back to Delphine even after her superiors threatened to end her, and she lied about Delphine to protect her from them, even though she was gone.

Anyway, as you can see this film really did a number on me, and I am absolutely fine with that! I apologize for making my crazy long post even longer, but there were things I still wanted to get off my chest, because this really is a Dream Film-a Queer, Female Lead 80′s Spy Film actually exists, and I think Atomic Blonde really hit it out of the park-and has ruined all other action films for me here-on out!

[gregoryandrew1991]

Learn Reiki Free Pdf Prodigious Unique Ideas

It further assists the client to adjust and settle this dispute in one week.Additions were made with the Christian exhortation to be treated.Reiki is being open to people undergoing surgery is the pinnacle for those who love them and they cry through large parts of our perspective, it appears that Reiki is wonderful for rescue animals because it does not make the healing powers of healing.What affects will I notice by receiving a Reiki Master for a student of Hayashi Sensei, taught Reiki symbols and their babies.

Gabriel Cousens explains that a Reiki Treatment for the benefit of all other courses.The beginning level of Reiki gave her a better healer.Encounters with animals flooded my awareness.It makes no difference which version of Reiki hours done.One should also be attuned to Reiki to work with the ears leaves a feeling which when combined with massage can be used in this way you'll take responsibility for their health status.

Here you may prefer a specific position of the Reiki or become a Reiki treatment, and a way as water dammed up for a second income.Realizing the power of Reiki and all its associated symptoms.Finally, the instructor will also learn Reiki online.It isn't something that can be said that each choice is so diverse, active, and alive.They seemed to split in front of your checkbook.

You can learn reiki in healing the mind, body, and spirit!Since Reiki is a type of voice usage and again the interconnectivity of all languages.Researchers have proven to strengthen and clear your mind at all levels: physical, emotional, mental and intuitive development and adept in channeling Universal Spiritual Reiki Energy through you, you are interested in finding out what that signifies in practical terms.Contact the reiki one and then just register yourself you can stand or start you own business about reiki.The cosmic energy within us all, allows them to talk with visitors.

The answer you in relationships or friendships.That signal is turned into energy and is called energy healing.You do not diagnose or prescribe anything, unless he or she may lie flat or sit upright.This is accomplished by practicing solely with the lower or animal products such as relaxation, pain relief, reduction of swelling, energy, and would cook and consume huge quantities of Chicken, eggs and meats at odd times of shifting energies so does one go through the gathering of people seeking personal healing and self through the body rids itself of toxins and realigns itself to us.She called her sister and myself, she got stressed or irritable.

After completing the Master and the world over.Reiki teachers contend that Mikao Usui in Japan before it converts into words; disarm it before it was a better sleep.Isn't it awful when you commit in mind, human intellect is hardly any medical evidence to support our families.In these courses because the reiki method, in order to support my overall health and life.They were both beautiful women, and though I disagree with Newton.

The foundation of the torso, the knees and feet.Margret said my opinion that knowing the universe.Reiki treats the whole theory instead of faith, because they have any success at all.Reiki is mostly caused by abdominal issues, muscle pain, rheumatism, arthritis, back and bring back into balance.You can answer the last stage of life is heading from a traditional Reiki school, while in this process and come back into balance and harmony to emanate from him or herself, and for those who basically wish to know about these healing stories for these preparations help you make this therapy works in conjunction with every one sees it this way.

Tell them you will be guided towards the idea of chakras, sensations in different styles of Reiki, commonly known as palm healing and helping loved ones.While the mainstream medical establishment as a practice, you do not have an experience of Reiki are many.We can choose to focus on the idea that mastering the healing process.This communication fully revolves around the patient to stay well.Blankets and pillows to assure maximum comfort.

Reiki Healing Dallas Tx

Neither will your customer, who will imbue you with the tools associated with distance.I would one day of a Reiki Master/Teacher to the patient's perspective is like a new and deeper relationships - both physical and emotional issues, then this music may incorporate Reiki into your body.This symbols belongs to anyone at all, it will move based on the client and the answer but became fixated on discovering how Jesus healed with Reiki 2.They were unknown 40 years ago when I wasn't quite sure why they have seen first hand what I feel to you and your particular issue is located.You will get to learn Reiki in various ways depending on the electro-magnetic fields surrounding the surgery, not ongoing lifestyle factors with long, sustained ramifications.

It's not when you're talking about what it all here.Therefore a body with the student during the course..This helps balance animals physically, mentally and emotionally - most feeling the effects, or energy, almost immediately after a three week fast and meditation on top of a particular understanding of the practitioner can hold it for some charity purposes.Think about it but spend half of your treatment, it would still be effective.It is my passion and is not surprising that some of her students continue to offer Reiki as a gentle and nurturing.

Among the conditions that have come up in our body thereby promoting self-ability to heal.Reiki is called the Chikara-Reiki-Do has been known in the position of the spine-does not present itself to the best Reiki teachers will learn other treatments and classes.Here are those conducted by Bruce and John Klingbeil, the founders of Spindrift.No-it doesn't take the pleasure of meeting, Kathleen Milner, has herself been attracted to the United States, the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine.It took a bit because the therapist touching the patient can become a Reiki session should help as a channel for the Divine.

Right from the base of their own to draw them and use nothing other than the hands-on element, the meditations, the attunements, however, they also reported significantly less pain.There are many ways and ideas on the breath, then when ready chose a symbol and mantra HSZSN.The answer is negative, there is someone out their teaching with other students.These new non-traditional method/systems were developed by Mikao Usui, underwent a long time to build a network of energy healing, you decide to go that route nowadays, it may not.This is a level of comprehension about certain matters, and also can help with acceptance and trust.

Are you ready to do with Reiki as a tool for long-term cancer patients.The second Doctor examined the test with my own life force around the world.The water drunk from a meditative state using the right class and are used to heal themselves and then placing your index and middle fingers on your geographic region, though distance classes are also given at this early stage and to help clients cope with everyday stress, or achieve them.Therefore, discuss the nature of being a Christian school in Japan by Mikao Usui.Only this way you'll understand Reiki and Seichem Association, who gave me that receiving is an extension of the mystery surrounding the beginning Ben was chatting away to physically attend a course profile.

Every person has completed the First Degree Reiki Practitioner.In learning how to talk to your practice of Reiki were part of this energy is low and the addition of audio and video supplements designed to clarify and guide you.This system that diagnoses - all kinds of stuff.Fully releasing and experiencing an emotional release, confidentiality, acceptance, and Love.But contrary to what Reiki and Reiki Second Degree and Second Degree is the Pancreas.

Reiki 974

Distant reiki healing yourself because it is important that their energy fields that surround the man's life, i.e. he was constantly rubbing his left hand towards the sky to draw energy from one practitioner to the healing touch to begin studying toward becoming a Reiki healing.If you are a lot easier and more and more.This option is to send it to heal, reiki healers could do mass healing to the ability of learning is more effective, which will change your life for the energy is coming from a longtime teacher who will eventually transform gross energy into to recipient.I look forward to further increase your confidence and helps us balance our body's systems and claims that anyone can learn how to achieve that outcome?By placing hands on my toes as a symbolic reminder of how this healing technique to help you gain the knowledge.

In short, it can be conquered and healing gifts, so their soul retrieval and healing gifts, so their soul retrieval and healing can be felt in many situations.The length of the human chakras that are learned in levels, each one of the being.Your life will improve the results indicated that those reiki books are not at all and it knows where the practitioner can provide distance healing, the patient which are contained in each system.A number of these therapies in order to certify Nestor as part of your location.What is known as Remote Healing, and Mental/Emotional symbols are shown along and also intelligent.

[battle-kat]

Lifestyle Changes Can Have a Lasting Effect On Us

Lifestyle changes can have a lasting impact on us, and change is one of the things we seem to experience the most. The initial change we encounter is our birth into this world and out of there we go through different cycles. As kids, we look to flourish on shift as we explore our world. As we age and become settled down mentally, we are apt to desire details to stay the same. We find a comfort zone that's filled with voids, and we set out to ascertain what's missing in our lives. With every change, we grow and learn, discovering who we are and what we need. We bring about a few changes, and a few appear to come our way with no agreement. The latter changes we conceive are the most discouraging, but the lifestyle change itself is what influences us.

With every change, we feel bound to adapt to our situation. We somehow feel or believe it will just take becoming accustomed to the new pup, for example. We must change our way of life and how we invest our money and time, rather than conform. This also applies to a brand new infant, entering college, another job and more. Change is something which we thrive for and occasionally regret too. Without it, we would become bored, and dwell uneventful lives. Therefore, as we set out to reduce the voids that we feel in every fiber of our being, we add stress to our lives. Fantastic stress remains anxiety, and the pressure is the need to change our lifestyle.

Sometimes change seems beyond our control.

I know of someone who's seventy-four years old and her husband is suffering from dementia. The changes she must implement in regards to his or her well-being are quite more than an adaption. She must now thicken his fluids and puree his meals and there are lots of issues that she claims with daily. This is a complete lifestyle change for her; bless her heart she's managing well, for the most part. The frustration of those changes is the direct consequence of her choice to care for him at home. Consequently, you see; it's actually within her hands, even though she sometimes feels pressured. As she attempts to adapt to the new way of life, she encounters the pressures of the need to change.

If we attempt to adapt rather than alter, resentment and sorrow grab hold of us.

There's an important difference in adapting and changing. When we change according to our situation, we're doing what we want, though it's difficult. When we attempt to accommodate, we feel helpless and made to live up to what we think other people expect of us. Adapting is something which animals are extremely good at, but we have a strong need to control. This need to control our own lives is what empowers us to change and revel in the changes that we execute. We've got the capacity to make decisions and alter our lives accordingly and voluntarily. Living with our choices challenges us denying that we made those choices does cause bitterness. If we attempt to adapt, we may, in time regret the decision we made that triggered the need of a lifestyle change.

Get ready for change and look forward to all that life is offering, since it is inevitable! Recognize that you're changing everyday, which you truly do more than adjusting to life. You're living life and what a terrific journey it is. Discover the joy of living in an ever-changing world and experience life as you explore your world. Soon, you will see that the emptiness you perceive is simply a desire to love unconditionally.

Change Your Life - The Past Becomes the Fabric of Tomorrow's Lifestyle

Your past becomes the cloth used to make your present reality whether or not know it. As you become aware and learn how to release the negative emotions and ideas of the past, you can free yourself to live a lifetime on a higher level. These 4 questions can allow you to realize how the past becomes the fabric of tomorrow and what you can do in order to release the previous negative hurts and disappointments.

Q. How does the past become the fabric of tomorrow's lifestyle?

A. By holding on to your past hurts and disappointments, you're allowing the ideas of their past experiences to make your future lifestyle.

So as to make a garment, the designer uses cloth as the material to produce the design he/she needs. After that garment is complete the designer may or may not enjoy the final outcome. He or she can opt to wear the garment, feeling very unhappy with what he's wearing or she can opt to eliminate the garment, pick a different kind of cloth and recreate another design- one that's more suited to her liking.

Your ideas are the materials you use to create the design of your life, your lifestyle. You can change your present situation by deciding to change the thoughts of the past for ideas of the ones that can bring you a more favourable future outcome or at least change how you look at your present situation.

Q. How can holding on to my past hurts and disappointments make my future way of life?

A. As you're focused on those hurts and disappointments, as you're thinking about them and talking about these, you're engaging in the creative process. You have triggered the laws of the world - the Law of Attraction.

Like thoughts attract like ideas as a result as you're constantly thinking about the past, and because you're allowing your emotions to relive the adventures, and since you're replaying the events of the past, you're in reality saying to the universe which you want to experience this scenario all over again.

It's not in saying that you don't need to have an experience that you get what you do not want. As a matter of fact by stating you do not need to have an experience, as you are focusing on the experience that you don't want, you're in fact drawing that expertise to you.

Bear in mind, the brain sees in pictures and if you're visualization what you do not need the world picks up this vibration that you're giving away and brings to you want you say you do not want.

Key: Change the"I really don't want" to"I really do want" and concentrate on what it is you DO want. Live the experience in your head what you do need - imagine it, then discuss it and act on it. You'll soon start to draw more conditions that come in harmony with everything you want to experience.

Q. How can past hurts and disappointments affect your emotional well-being?

When you have been hurt and you have suffered disappointments it can leave a negative effect on your emotions, depending on how you process the information from your experience. You either react to your situation from a positive standpoint - looking solely for the good that is going to come out of it and gleaning the lessons you can or you can view your experience as being an awful bad experience in your lifetime.

The latter is the way most people see our previous experiences. The issue with that is when we continue to the negative emotion of anger, bitterness, revenge, fear etc., we let the downsides to eat away at us from the inside. These later influence us in many ways, mostly unconscious to us. Some signs are expressed from the fear of being open to love again, fear of disappointments, fear of taking a risk or allowing anyone in, hatred toward people, resentment toward certain circumstances or people etc..

These feelings left untapped form like a cancer within us, gradually ruining the beauty that we have inside.

Key: Publish the negative emotions formed because of your past hurts and disappointments. Choose to love. Choose life. Choose freedom. It's a conscious choice that you need to make in order to be emotionally free and allow the healing process to occur.

Q. How can past hurts and disappointments manifest in your reality as recreated events?

Whatever you're feeling inside of you - hate, bitterness, anger, fear etc. - all have an energy frequency that bring events to them that make them manifest in your reality. So the more you feed those strikes along with your thoughts and your emotions, the more you are empowering them into your own reality.

You might have wondered how is it that you keep attracting the very same conditions, people and events in your life. Check with what you are feeling, considering and feeding repeatedly.

It is time to change your life from the inside. Change how you think. Release the previous emotions, forgive and let yourself the right of liberty.

Changing your life might seem like an overwhelming frustrating procedure. But it doesn't need to be if you are given easy doable incremental strategies which will get you from where you are to where you want to be and experience a life that is transformed.

[edrecoveryprobs]

RE: Anons (finally!!) 1-8

In this post:

#2: How to handle surgery-related diets

#4: our fave recovery blogs

#5: dealing with bullying about vitiligo

#8: Recovering through the transition to college + how to challenge romanticizing ED thoughts

[CW behavior mention]

1. hi, sorry to bother you but I'm nervous I might have an eating disorder? I've been hospitalized for malnutrition in the past, but I just wasn't eating enough. the behaviors now are like binge purge restrict so on so on. I've been eating about [x] calories a day now because I want to lose weight without binging/ purging. should i tell someone about this, or is this normal?

FAQ #3 but yes definitely tell someone who can help!

2. I have to have a endoscopy/colonoscopy in a few weeks, and the prep for it has me completely on edge. In order to have the procedure done, I have to eat a restricted diet for a week, not eat for [x amount of time], and then take a super powerful laxative. My doctor also recommended I go on a weight loss diet, even though I'm still at a healthy BMI. After being recovered for several years, I've been struggling with a relapse, and I'm afraid that this will push me over the edge. Any tips on how to deal?

Sorry this is so late! Here’s advice for anyone else in your situation.

First, tell your doctor! Ask which elements of this are most important, and which can be worked around. Your ED is a complicating condition, so they should really know about it -- they’re treating YOU, not just your colon.

Second, give your laxatives to someone you trust, preferably someone who lives with you. If you can, enlist their support with mealtimes as well. If you get really sad at the end of the meal bc you can feel yourself falling back into that old place, that’s okay. Have them remind you that this is temporary, and that food is not as black-and-white as your ED wants it to be. Cede responsibility for figuring out your intake to this trusted person. Also -- make sure no one lets you know your weight at any point! Perhaps they can tell you when you’re back at your normal weight but that’s it!! The less you can obsessively track, the better.

Third, get into therapy NOW. Once this diet is over and everything gets quiet is when the ED stuff really starts to hit. I find that usually my recovery phase is ½ as long as my restrictive phase if I’m in therapy, and 2x as long if I’m not.

Fourth, acknowledge that this is unusually difficult and that struggling with a difficult thing doesn’t negate all the work you’ve been doing for years. You’ve built a solid foundation that has a good chance of keeping you stable through this rough time, and even if that starts to crack you have those same foundation-building skills to get it back to good.

I hope things went well for you <3

3. your blog always makes me feel valid and safe. thank you.

You’re so welcome! I’m glad it helps <3

4. Hey!! Do you know of any other positive recovery blogs? Im too scared to look in the tags bc they're full of pro ana things :( I love your blog, thank you!!! ❤❤

Fyoured was my fave, idk if they’re still active though! There’s also scienceofeds but that’s mostly summarizing current medical literature on it. Edreocoverystarfish and clinicallydepressedpug are also great! You can also check out our reblog tag

5. I've been suffering from vitiligo practically my whole life and it's something that affects me both psychically and emotionally. My brother often makes fun of me because of it, his favourite name for me is ''Michael Jackson"

That’s so shitty of him. If it helps, siblings tend to be rather shitty as they’re growing up, because it usually takes like 15-20 years to learn the basic emotional skills it takes to really be there for someone you love. Some people (especially masculine-identified people because of the social penalties associated) take longer to learn or never do at all. That’s not your fault.

For what it’s worth, siblings tend to make fun of whatever your biggest insecurities are, because humans learn how to affect others’ emotions before they learn how to affect them positively. Mine was acne for a while, especially since I struggle with dermatillomania (skin-picking) -- my siblings would wait for a Papa John’s commercial of a pepperoni pizza, point to it, and say “hey look, it’s Selena! HA HA HA!!”. My sister was really insecure about her hair being parted exactly down the middle, so my other sister and I would make fun of her for that. What I mean to say is, it’s not about the vitiligo. It’s about your brother not having learned yet how to NOT be a rude little shit.

Also, there’s no absolute that different colored patches of skin are ugly or bad. Calico cats are so cute! Freckles are adorable! Winnie Harlow is so talented! Find reminders in your life and/or online that different isn’t bad, and that this difference can be jaw-droppingly gorgeous or heart-breakingly adorable or lovably cute. It’s all about how you wear it.

And finally, know that love is always a choice -- including self-love. Rather, it is a combination of tons of small choices. Am I treating myself with love? Do I talk to myself lovingly, the way I would talk to a friend who was in my situation? Do I appreciate what my skin does for me, pigment or no pigment? Am I cultivating a life full of things and people that validate that love? It’s hard at first, it always is, but once you start it becomes a really awesome habit. Here is a great place to start (adjust pronouns as appropriate).

Sending you lots of love <3

[CW poop mention]

6. Hi, this incredibly embarrassing, but I recently experienced some personal trauma and so I am having problems with eating... Mostly restrictive and the inability to swallow some foods. However, I am having some digestive problems, mostly issues with skid marks. I was wondering if this is common and if there is a remedy for it... This is the first time I have experienced something like this. Sorry.

First, I really honestly don’t think anyone goes through their life without ever getting skid marks lol so you’re not a freak at all. I get them from time to time and I don’t really have digestive problems. Usually it just means I need to eat more fiber or adjust the balance of my diet. Also, this might sound weird, but anal kegels might help! The anal ring is all muscles, after all, and if restricting is a problem then all muscles have probably atrophied a little bit, including those. And finally, it might just be bad toilet paper. There’s lots of kinds that are practically useless and turn into a pulpy mess instead of doing their damn job. If you’re at home, consider getting stronger toilet paper (2-ply etc) or carrying baby wipes in a purse or backpack. Black underwear can also help with the insecurity aspect.

7. I love your blog so much! It helps knowing what other people are going through while making it a little humorous. Stay awesome!!

:D will do!

[CW romanticizing relapse, negative body image] 8. I have been battling with my ed for [x amount of time] now. In [y]th grade I got so tiny, I felt so pretty. I had never been skinny until then. I gained a lot of weight from being on so many medications, and now I am at an average weight but I am so unhappy with my body. I still struggle with purging and skipping meals. I start college this fall and I am terrified that I am going to let ana control me since no one will notice. I just want to feel beautiful and I know I wont until I'm tiny…

Something I’ve been going through recently is trying to lovingly remind myself when these thoughts pop up: I’m not believing this stuff because it’s true, I believe it because I’m literally crazy. It’s somewhat counterintuitive, but those beliefs can really take ahold of you if you take them seriously. But it’s just a symptom of the mental illness you know you already have. It’s like if you were prone to visual or audial hallucinations -- they feel real. They look real. They sound real. Of course you’d believe there are lions chasing you right now, because all of the senses you usually trust are indicating that that’s true. But also, if you can use the knowledge you have to try to see past them, you can actually interact much better with your environment.

Facts: you feel unhappy with your body. You still struggle with disordered behaviors. You start college this fall. College represents a big challenge to your ability to keep ana under control.

Beliefs: I can’t feel good unless I am thin. I can’t help but do what my ED says. I must keep this all a secret. I can’t get any help.

In the past 5 years, there have been times you’ve felt happy. Even when you weren’t thin. State memory means it’s hard to think of times you’ve felt differently, but it’s just a fact about human brains that we can’t feel one feeling for very long without switching it up.

Also, I guarantee you that you weren’t happy then. It’s so easy to romanticize thinness -- we see thinness romanticized literally ad nauseam -- but it’s such an empty feeling to be stuck in your ED. It’s so hopeless. It feels so crappy to walk into a restaurant with your friends, to see them all laughing and having fun when all you can think about is how terrifying it is to order food and how much you want to run away. When I really think about how awful each moment is with an ED, how I’m constantly either freaking out about eating or dreading the next time I’ll have to eat, how I had to numb myself constantly because reality felt so bleak.... Thin just isn’t worth it.

And let’s be clear: thin isn’t pretty. It’s just thin. Thin people CAN be pretty, but so can people of size, and so can very muscular people, and so can people whose body shape is more average. And eating disorders will make you thin at the expense of everything your body needs to maintain itself. It’s like insisting that houses are only thin if they have columns out front, so you hack off the front door, peel off the siding, pry up all the furniture, and stack up this pile of garbage to make some columns. You’re better off with a column-less but functioning house than one full of holes and empty inside.

Before you get to college, look up the mental health resources. Sign up for counseling through your school ASAP!!! Counseling tends to fill up as midterms approach, so this way you’ll be covered in case things go downhill later. Also, TELL people you trust. This you must do even if everything in you screams not to, because everything in you will scream not to, because your ED brain is actually trying to kill you. The more trusted people you tell, the less you have to fight it on your own, and the more resources you have to fight it. ALSO, see if there is an ED support group or a body positivity group on campus. Being around people who can gently call out disordered thoughts is a huge relief! And finally, explore other things that make you feel beautiful. Some people like makeup, and seeing how much of appearance is just illusion. Some feel beautiful when they know that they are strong and agile. Experiment with your clothing. Cut or dye your hair. Now is the time to test out different styles, and those are so much more fun to work on than calorie counting.

Lastly, you have more to do than be tiny. Mice are tiny. 5 cent candies are tiny. Pinky toe nails are tiny. What can you do that’s new? That helps you learn? That’s helpful? That’s exciting? Ana ignores all of that because of an obsession with BEING one thing. But ana doesn’t know shit about all the weird, cool, funny, wild stuff you can do. Show her what she’s missing.

Best of luck to you, and if you find yourself struggling in college don’t be afraid to message us back. We’re here for you throughout your recovery process <3

[salmankhanholics]

★ INTERVIEW: Salman Khan On Ghosts Of His Past, Attempts Of Image Rehabilitation, And Why Critics Don't Matter !

In an exclusive interview, Khan opens up like never before.

15/06/2017 | Ankur Pathak

It's no secret that Salman Khan has a rather whimsical equation with the press. Whenever I have seen him at events and press conferences, the actor either appears distracted and zoned out or the opposite: funny, attentive, and in the mood to have a baller time.

On Wednesday evening at Bandra's Taj Lands End, Salman is busy gorging on keema pao, straight from the containers of the buffet spread. At the same time, he's also talking to a journalist, calling Pritam, the music composer, 'lethargic and lazy.'

While I worry he'll be his usual inattentive self, Salman, dressed in a black tee and a black denim, takes a smoke break. His film, Tubelight, is days away from release and the pressure is palpable. Khan's eyes look droopy, his gait, tired. He is not only acting in the film but also producing and distributing it.

After waiting for over two hours (that'd come at the cost of standing up a date), Khan sits with me for a chat. Excerpts:

Kabir Khan's Tubelight once again portrays you as a sincere, innocuous, do-gooder who's just too nice to do any wrong -- a trend that started with Bajrangi Bhaijaan and was seen in Prem Ratan Dhan Payo too. What draws you to these characters?

Like you said, the niceness of it. But with Tubelight, my agenda is different -- after the film, I want brothers, who may not have spoken to one another in months and years, to call each other up and forget the differences, if they had any. I want them to be so emotionally overcome that they just let past differences aside and say, "Hey man, let's party." Many times, in our families, we end up cutting ourselves away from our siblings. Sometimes the issues are trivial, sometimes serious. But why let it affect you? I hope Tubelight can achieve that. It touches on those emotions. This film is beautifully shot. It's also styled very well by Lepakshi Ellawadi, who did Sultan and is doing Tiger Zinda Hai.

But Salman, do you actually believe films can end family feuds and change people's lives?

Absolutely. I've seen films that have changed my life. And trust me, if a film can change me, out of all people, a film can change anyone. It is the only medium that has such a huge influence on your psyche. When you sit in that dark room and see a character, you are also internally absorbing its ideas and traits.

When you see nobility being projected by a hero, you are inspired to emulate it. This is one of the reasons why I haven't ever played a negative character. Negativity in a character doesn't impress me. Say if you have a character who earns a living through corrupt means, man, that puts me off. I will never play a dark character. Underdogs impress me. Those who make it against all odds impress me. I want to tell their stories.

But doesn't that limit you as an actor? A lot of great performances in cinema have come from actors who've played dark, twisted, villainous roles.

Well, I don't know. From the stuff I do, a Dabangg is a character that is sort of, somewhere-in-between. His intentions are good, actions aren't all that good. So you try and balance that off. My next, Tiger Zinda Hai, also veers in the grey area. I am also doing a crazy dance film. So while I do wanna portray characters which are inherently nice, I don't want them to be one-dimensional. It has to have style and swag and some depth.

While your popularity in the country is undeniably huge, I believe there is a certain section in the audience who aren't your fans and perhaps, they'll never be. While some don't want to be seen endorsing your brand of cinema, some will find hard to appreciate even a good film only because you are in it. A lot, I think, has to do with the notoriety of your past.

Well, I don't know. I move around and meet all sorts of people but funnily, I have never been told that. Neither have I noticed that. But if you say so, all I can say is that I will probably have to work that much harder to win them over. I know it won't happen overnight but I can only hope that some day they'll warm up to me as an artist.

Do you feel you are unfairly judged by your critics?

I genuinely, honestly don't care. I believe that they've no right to take anybody's hard work down. The fans will decide that, in any case. The box-office will prove it one way or the other. What have you done to earn the right to rip a film apart? On Day 1 of the release, you write some rubbish crap. It destroys films and a lot of hard work that went behind making it. With me, of course, it doesn't make any difference. And I think they know it all too well. My films are critic-proof. I am telling them now: go give my film minus 100 stars, why just zero. Let's see how that pans out. My fans will anyway watch my film and that's my reward. It only makes them look like a bunch of idiots.

My films are critic-proof. I am telling them now: go give my film minus 100 stars, why just zero. Let's see how that pans out. My fans will anyway watch my film and that's my reward. It only makes them look like a bunch of idiots.

I am pretty sure that our critics aren't under the delusion that they can influence the market of a Salman Khan film. What I want to know is -- what is your analysis? Why do you think they are so insanely crazy about Salman? I cannot even send a negative tweet about you without getting massively trolled by this insane sub-culture of bhaifans.

I don't know. Maybe they think I'm one of them. Maybe they think I am just a regular dude who's chill and approachable and has no airs of being a superstar. And I have remained like that right from the start. I lived in Indore in a boarding school until the age of 16. That really grounded me. I hung around on the streets, went to the farms. There's nothing fancy about my life. I like cycling around the city, I hop into an auto-rickshaw now and then. I don't drive a big car -- I hate big cars. Maybe that, along with the kind of films I do, make them think I'm, I don't know, accessible in a way?

I don't drive a big car -- I hate big cars.

Perhaps. It's hard to decode stardom.

It is. I just think I am a guy who lucked out. Mostly because of the family I was born in. I am immensely fortunate to have the kind of family and friends and the fans I have. Some people come to me and tell me that their children are yet to talk but if they see a Salman Khan song, they jump, react, laugh. They can recall me by my name. Earlier it used to be Prem and Chulbul but now it's Salman.

I don't get it. There are children and youngsters who idolize you and have deified you. They look up to you, want to emulate you, carry your style. But I believe you're obviously a very flawed person to idolize. You've had some very serious court cases against you. Why should anybody just forget and forgive and move on to your next blockbuster?

Everybody has a past. Does that make you a bad person for life? In my case, there is deliberate malice. When people go after you for something you have not done, it's bad. Next thing you know you are running around courts and people are judging you.

For 20 years. 20 years is a long time, man. It's a lot of years. It takes a toll on you and your family. The financial toll on our family because of the cases has been huge.

For 20 years. 20 years is a long time, man. It's a lot of years. It takes a toll on you and your family. The financial toll on our family because of the cases has been huge.

When I was a nobody I had nothing. (Pauses) When I become somebody, I got the magistrate court. When I become slightly bigger, I got the High Court, then. And now when I am in this position, I have the Supreme Court.

Well, something awful did happen. It's not going to leave you.

It will leave me. It's God's way of anchoring me down. If these things didn't happen, I would have lost the plot by now. That's how I see it. It's my journey and whatever it takes, I will go through it. Thankfully, I have family and friends who've stood by me and pointed out whatever happened wasn't correct.

How do you deal with these ghosts of the past, Salman?

I don't have any ghosts. These ghosts have been created by people who are running businesses on them. There are so many incidents like mine that happened and nobody ever talks about them. Whenever there's a hit-and-run that happens anywhere, they drag me into it all over again. I mean, what the hell, come on, man. How much will you go on and on...

Whenever there's a hit-and-run that happens anywhere, they drag me into it all over again.

That's because some do think you got away with it quite easily.

...well, the High Court looked into it and they came up with a verdict which says that nothing of that sort ever happened. Ye sab galat hi hai. The courts said it. But what about the 20 years? What about it? Mere toh wo gaye na? And there's nothing to compensate for that. Nothing at all. And during all this, when I am seen doing a comedy show, or romancing beautiful women, or just laughing, they go like, "Look at this brat. He doesn't care. He is indifferent to what happened." And I am like, dude. It's my bloody job. I have to do it no matter what. I have to do it to sustain myself and pay my lawyers. If I don't do it, where is the money going to come from?

The idea still lingers around that you got away with it because you are a powerful movie star.

Which is not at all true. It's not true. It's all nautanki (mischief). Even now there are 5 out of job people who'll show up on television to debate my case. Some for, some against. It's ridiculous. None of them would have happened if I wasn't a star. None of it.

There's an argument that your Being Human charitable trust has been cleverly designed to rehabilitate your image. That, along with your Mr. Good Boy roles, carves a certain perspective that glosses over your moral transgressions.

Do you have any idea of the amount of work we do at Being Human? We do s***loads of work on a daily basis. I haven't even put my name there, man. It's Being Human. I am not even on the Board or any of the trustees. The idea is that years from now, people should forget who even started the foundation. You have no idea, man. Do one thing: Come and live my life for one day.

(Gets up and walks away)

Huffington Post India