#not interested not interested not interested blocked blocked blocked - I'm very. Fucking. Tired.

[demuredeadbeat]

I don't consider myself part of 'the queer community'. I actively avoid groups, labels, gatherings. I don't need to describe why.

But is transandrophobia one of the reasons?

Lol, duh. No shit.

[nereb-and-dungalef]

yeah i think i'm just gonna factor "waiting until the hype dies down" into all my media experiences. watched some of the iwtv tv show and i get to keep all my opinions in my head. it's great

[gguk-n]

Fading Shadow (Lando Norris x ex-Reader)

Part 2 of Last Straw Inspired by this request

Summary- Y/N moved on. Lando is still stuck, on what they had and what he lost.

{Reader's POV}

The moment I landed back home, I felt relief wash over me when I cried in my mother's arms. I had been holding on to too much, it seems. My father brought my favourite food and we ate together and we laughed together. This was the therapy I needed. My siblings weren't very happy with Lando since they had seen everything unfold on social media but they were happy to have their sister back. I was happy to be back home. I needed this, I needed my people.

I decided I needed a change of pace, a change of scenery. I had been mourning my relationship while I was still in it. Now, I was a new me, I was going to do everything I wanted.

I applied at the company I always wanted to work at but due to there being no vacancies I was assigned a job in a different country and I was ready to take on the world. I knew Lando would never search for me, he never truly loved me but I still wanted to leave. I needed a fresh start.

{Lando's POV}

The silence after the break up was exactly what I needed, or so I thought. I could leave as I wished. I could go out whenever I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone. It's so much better to be single then to be tied down.

I didn't think I would ever miss Y/N, but I did. I remember exactly when I missed her for the first time; it was after a difficult race and I had finish decently with the shitty cards I had and I just wanted someone to tell me how well I did; but there was no one; no one who knew what I wanted to hear. I felt so alone even when I was surrounded by hundreds of people for the first time in a long time.

The second time I missed her was when I was stood on top of the top step of the podium. I wanted to have her around so I could share my highs with her. I didn't get a 'do you wanna go out to celebrate?' like the last two times and I aired her both time to party with random girls. Right now, I was in the club celebrating my third win of my career and season and I felt empty and alone. Not even the alcohol helped.

The house we lived in was a stark reminder of the time we spent together. All our dates we had. All the times she would teach me how to cook but we would always end up with a big mess and half cooked or burnt food since I would get distracted. In retrospect, I loved every second of it even though I never admitted it then. I love all the time we spent together or the laugh she would emit when I messed up. I missed her and I wish she was here; I was too stupid to admit it then but I do now.

Oscar was getting sick and tired of me using his phone to check on Y/N's social media accounts since she had blocked me every where. I would end up borrowing the other driver's phone to check, just in case. Until one day, her account stopped showing up for Oscar too. I went through almost everyone on the paddock's phone to see if she had blocked my friends. Turns out, she had deactivated her social media accounts; I realised that after one of the gossip pages posted about her deactivating her profiles, across all the platforms.

I would wake up from dreams about her and I would fall asleep to the thought of her. No woman interested me anymore; I wish I was this loyal when we were dating, when she could see that I loved her, not now when she couldn't even see I had changed.

My PR team was losing their shit when I tweeted that. I had to sit through a stupid meeting after everything. It was miracle I didn't start crying in the middle of the meeting.

People had started to notice I guess, since Carlos approached me. "Cabron, what's up?" he asked while I was lying on my couch after media day. "Nothing" I hummed. "I fucked up right?" I asked. "I can't say no" Carlos said. I laughed painfully. "I didn't know how good I had it until it was all gone. I'm an ass and I deserve everything I'm getting" I cried. Carlos comforted me, hugging me tightly. "I just wish she would talk to me, at least once. So, that I could show her that I've changed. I really have Carlos. I love her so much, it hurts" I cried into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lando" he said patting my back.

There's a saying, You don't know what you've got until it's gone. I was living that nightmare and I will never stop living it.

[darkbluekies]

Yandere Silas x male reader bodyguard. Relationship:romantic

You and him grew up together in the mafia, Silas fell in love with you but you only saw him as a friend and he ends up falling in love with a girl and this makes you leave the mafia to go abroad with her to live a normal life.

Silas has contacts all over the world and discovers that you are in a country abroad, he kills the girl and kidnaps you

Be mine (you have no fucking choice)

Yandere!mafia oc x male!bodyguard!reader

Summary: after being friends with Silas for years, you decide that it is time to pack it up and leave, much to Silas’s dismay.

Warnings: criminal stuff, throwing up, getting drunk by force, ropes, cage, mentions of sleeping around, violence, alcohol

Word count: 4.3k

You put your gun into your belt and get out of the warehouse. 

“Hey, where are you going?” Silas asks and grabs your arm. 

“I’m going home”, you say. “This mission doesn’t interest me.”

You try to walk, but Silas hurries in front of you, blocking your way. He almost reminds you of the little, stubborn boy he once was when he does that. 

“Wait”, he says. “You never drive well after a mission. You have too much adrenaline. You and I can leave together. I can drive you to my house.”

“No, Silas, I’m going home.”

Silas doesn’t react to you calling him by his first name. But he never has. You are special. Only one other person in his entire organization can call him by his first name without getting a bullet through their eyes — that person being his second in command. You and his second in command have known Silas longer than anyone else. You’d dare call his second in command your friend too, although on a more professional level. 

You’ve known Silas longer than his second in command has, and you’ve known his little brother, Ares … and you’ve known about his jealousy for a very long time. It started when you one day went home with his brother to play video games after shool. Next day when you entered school, his brother had a black eye and Silas had not left your side for the entire day. 

It only got worse from there, but you never did anything. You tried to talk to him, but it seemed like the years made him even more jealous. He dated girls time and time again, but created a big fuss when you showed the slightest interest in anyone — be that boy or girl. You became the third wheel in SIlas’ multiple relationships.

He did admit to his love for you, just a few years ago, but you couldn’t reciprocate his feelings. It would make everything harder. You were basically working for him as his bodyguard and didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had with him. Losing him as a friend could mean both mental distress … and physical harm. 

“Does this have anything to do with the girl I’m dating?” Silas asks. 

You look baffled. “No? Why would you think that?”

“Because she’s at the house?”

“No, I just want to go home”, you sigh heavily. “Why do I have to explain my every step to you? You’re not my father, come on.”

“Because I’m worried about you.”

“What a great look for you, mister mafia leader. Don't let anyone else see that.” You nod at him to move. “Move out of the way now, I’m tired and I’m hungry. I want to go home and order a fucking pizza.”

“So this has nothing to do with my girlfriend?”

“What's the matter with you? Are you trying to make me jealous or something? I'm not interested in you, you know that.”

You push past him.

A month passes. You have been seriously thinking about leaving the mafia for a long time now, but ever since Silas got himself yet another girlfriend it became clear that you have to leave, if you ever want to get yourself one of your own. As long as you stay with him, he will never let you date anyone — apart from him, of course. 

You’ve decided to move abroad. While packing your bags, you feel tears run down your cheeks. You have known Silas for as long as you can remember. You love to be with him, he is your best friend. Betraying him would mean betraying yourself, and his entire organization. People who betray him gets killed personally by Silas. Neither you or Silas would want that.

However, leaving without anyone noticing would be hard. Silas would know that something was wrong right away and he would use his contacts to find you again. You’d need help with creating false documents … and you knew just the man to help with that. 

You hold the phone to your ear. 

“Hello?” a familiar voice asks. 

“Hi, Ares”, you say. 

“How the fuck did you get my number?”

“I did some digging.”

“Holy fuck, Y/N, you need help.”

You chuckle and hear how Ares chuckles in return. 

“What did you want?” he asks. 

“I need some help.” You look around, feeling like you’re being watched, which wouldn't be very far off. “Can we meet up?”

“Sure. Now?”

“If you can.”

“Yeah, I’m not busy.”

You decide to meet up at a café an hour away from your house, hoping that Silas’s associates wouldn’t recognize you here. You couldn’t believe that you would meet Ares again, you haven't seen him since you were teenagers. He looks the same, just a bit more grown up. 

“My brother finally removed the leash around your neck?” Ares chuckles and hugs you. 

“No, not really”, you sigh. “This is why I need your help. I know that you scam tight about everyone. And I need you to help me create false documents, passport … yeah, you name it.”

Ares smirks.

“Little Y/N is going on vacation, I see”, he says. “Where are you going?”

“I don't know.”

“Are you trying to get away from my brother?”

You nod. Ares seems to think for a moment. 

“Go to Spain”, he says. “Silas is banned from there, he won't be able to get you.”

“Ah, I feel so bad about it, though”, you sigh and run your hands through your hair. “He's my best friend. And boss, technically. If I leave, I betray both my best friend and his organization … and then he has the right to kill me.”

“Wait, you're planning to leave the mafia? For real?”

“I don't want to, but I can't live like this. I want to have my own life. I'm a grown man now, the window for opportunities is closing every year.”

“I'll go with you. I'll protect you.”

“You don't have to, Ares. Look at me, I'm capable of taking care of myself.”

You were Silas’s bodyguard, after all. No weak person gets that position. 

“Yes, I know”, Ares says. “But I can help. And you don't have to be lonely.”

“You are an ass too”, you remind him.

“Better than Silas, though.”

You scoff and roll your eyes.

Ares comes with you to Spain. He has given you false documents with new names and nationalities. You sit together at the airport with your phone in your hand. Your stomach is turning.

“I really should tell him”, you sigh nervously. “I don't want to just leave. I have known him for years. I might betray him work wise, but I can't betray him friend wise. I'm going to call him.”

“I don't think you should”, Ares says. “He has been awful to you, why does he deserve your goodbye?”

You groan and hide your head between your knees. Ares brushes his hand through your hair.

“Come on, sweetie, let it go”, Ares encourages you. “Your new life starts soon. Beach, sun and alcohol, all day long.”

You want to tell him that you don't drink, but decide to leave it be. 

“I have to go to the bathroom”, you excuse yourself and stand up to walk away.

But you don't go to the bathroom stalls. You stand by the large windows at the gate and call Silas.

“Hi, Y/N”, he says.”I haven't heard from you in a little while. I was about to go over to your house and drag you over to mine, because I miss you.”

“I have to talk to you about that”, you say,  hesitantly. “I am not at home, and I probably won't be back.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm really sorry that I have gone behind your back, but I am actually leaving … going abroad. And it might be permanent.”

“Have you hit your head?”

“I'm really sorry for betraying you, Silas, you’re my best friend … but frankly, you're always stopping me from getting my own family, while you brag about the women you fuck. I need to get away, at least for a while and get to try to find love. It might not be permanent, but I don't know.”

“Where are you going? You know that you can't leave the country without me knowing. The second any of your credit cards, passport or anything along that way is being used, I'm notified.”

“Well I'm not fucking stupid. I have fixed that.”

Silas scoffs out a mocking laugh.“You don't know how to do that.”

“I had help.”

“From who?” He doesn't sound that cocky anymore.

“Ares.”

Silence. 

“Oh, you can't be fucking serious”, Silas says. 

You can't detect what emotion he's feeling. Perhaps everything all at the same time. Maybe it was a wrong decision to call him before your flight, but the guilt would have eaten you up the entire way there.

“I am”, you answer, trying your best not to let your voice shake. 

“You know what kind of asshole he is, Y/N”, Silas tells you. 

“I have done stuff too, I’m no angel either.” You sigh, shaking your head. “I just called to let you know that I am leaving. I didn’t want you to hear that from anyone else, I wanted you to hear it from me personally. This is a goodbye, Silas — at least for now. Thank you.”

“Y/N-”

You hang up and turn off your phone before returning to Ares who’s sipping on a beer by the gate, where you left him.

When you’re allowed to board the plane, you’re already nauseous. What if it wouldn’t work? What if you changed your mind? You already felt bad. Ares puts his hand on your shoulder while you walk through the middle of the plane, trying to find your seat. Ares takes the aisle seat. 

“Thank you for giving me the window seat”, you chuckle. “I feel like a kid all over again.”

“Well, I can’t let random folks touch you, can I?” Ares responds. “I’m a gentleman after all.”

Ares sits with his phone up the entire flight, working. You know all about his dirty business, how he scams people left to right with his false businesses. 

You fall asleep for a while. Your body has been in a tense position the entire day and finally, you were out of reach. He couldn’t create a storm or shoot down a passenger plane, he wasn’t a God or a military flighter. He is nothing more than a man with a bit too much power for his own liking. And hybris. A whole lot of hybris. Ares turns off his phone to look at you. He smiles slightly. For years, he has tried to take you from Silas. You didn’t want him, but Silas was too selfish to let you be put on the market. He wanted you available at all times, for when the timing was right. Ares stopped trying to reach out to you after a while, knowing that it was pointless, thought that if you wanted to get back in touch with him, you would reach out — and you did. Ares lets his eyes wander over you. He has tried to match your physique, but had no chance against the hours you’ve had to spend at the gym to be able to be Silas’s bodyguard. But under all those muscles, you are nothing but a softie, and that’s why Ares wants you … and Silas too, unfortunately. He always has to compete with his brother over toys they both want.

Silas scoffs angrily and runs his hand through his black hair, and yet he can’t stop himself from laughing. It’s absurd! All of it!

“Why are you laughing, boss?” his second in command asks shortly. “This is nothing to be happy about.”

“I fucking know that?” Silas snaps back. “Do you think I enjoy knowing that my Y/N is on a plane with my psycopathic brother going to fuck knows where?”

“There are not a lot of places he could go to, though. Think about it.”

“I can’t fucking think! Y/N is leaving me!”

“Silas, sit down before you faint, ‘kay?”

Silas, oddly enough, listens and sits down on the couch in his study with his hands gripping the fabric beside him. His second in command stands in front of him with his hands on his hips. 

“Listen”, he says. “Ares would fuck with you, right?”

“Right”, Silas responds. 

“Which countries are you banned from?”

“Spain, England, Germany, the Netherlands and Ireland.”

“So, one of those countries.”

“But which?!”

“His favorite. Which one is the warmest?”

“Spain?”

“Bingo.”

Silas’s eyes widens and he breaks out into a shocked smile. Why didn’t he think about this? Ares isn’t smart.

“...how the fuck do I do this?” he realizes. “I can’t just take a plane into Spain without being arrested the second I step off the plane. We will need another way. We could get a boat and sneak in.”

“I’ll see what I can do, boss.”

“Do it quickly, I know my brother and he will take what I want. If he does, I will never forgive myself.”

The reason why Silas has never let you date anyone is because he wants what can only be had one way, your innocence. 

He sighs and walks out of the room where he finds the woman he’s dating standing with her hands together, looking worried. A certain rage takes over him. The sight of her had made you want to leave. He knows very well that it isn’t her fault, but he can’t help but think that it is. Her existence has put you in a position of discomfort, and for that, she has to pay. Silas doesn’t want to look at her, it only makes him nauseous. 

He pulls up his gun from his belt, and without a second thought, he fires off and watches the innocent girl’s limp body hit the floor. But for now, he can’t bring himself to feel bad. 

He has to find you. Ares is only nice as long as you're on his side, if you want to disagree with him, he's going to strip you off everything. You just don't know how horrific Ares could be.

Your first few days in Spain couldn’t be more than idyllic — if it weren’t for the fact that you look over your shoulder wherever you go. You scan the areas for familiar faces of Silas’s gang. 

“Relax, will you?” Ares says and hooks his arm around your shoulders. “Just enjoy the scenery instead.”

“I think I’m going insane”, you mutter. 

“A shot will help with that.”

“I don’t drink, you know that.”

Ares just smiles. You’re on your way back to the house from a restaurant Ares had treated you to. It was obviously a date, but you didn’t know how to tell him that you wanted to take things slow. Ares has never been a patient man … and you aren’t even sure if Ares is the person you want to date currently. Frankly, thanks to Silas, you don’t know what you want to do yet. You’ve only gotten your freedom to do whatever you want a few days ago, and it’s more overwhelming than you expected. 

“Do you want to come to my room?” Ares asks when you get to the front door. “We don’t even have to do anything, we can just watch TV.”

“I start to believe that the only reason you wanted to come with me on this trip was to get me in bed”, you scoff and put the keys in the lock. 

“Not only-”

“Ares, go to the bar and pick up someone there instead.”

“I can’t leave you alone, I told you that I was going on the trip to protect you.”

“And i told you that I didn’t need protection. If you’re horny, go.”

Ares sighs and gives up. “Fine, call me if you need me.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m tired.”

Ares nods and gives your back a tap before walking back the way you came from. You unlock the door, going into the house. In the corner of your eye, you can tell that something is moving. Instantly, you go into attack mode, but freezing when you notice who it is that is standing up from the armchair.

“I feel like a dad catching their underage kid sneaking in after a night out”, the second in command says. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you question. 

The second in command jerks his head. “Fucking guess.”

“Did Silas really send you because he can’t enter the country?” you laugh. “That’s so tragic.”

“Laugh all you want, you’re not the one that have been on a small fucking fishing boat for twelve hours straight!” He collects himself and sighs. “I will give you one chance to come with me voluntarily before I beat your head in.”

You scoff and cross your arms over your chest. “Try me.”

Silas must have equipped his second in command with things he knew that you wouldn’t be able to combat, because in one way or another, you lose consciousness. 

You wake up in a dark, cold room. At once, you try to move your hands to your eyes to rub them clean from drowsiness, but quickly notice how your hands are tied to something behind you. That’s when you realize that you’re stuck in a cage the size of a garden shed, in — what looks like — a cargo hold. Your hands are tied to one of the cage’s bars behind you. Your head is pounding from the hit his second in command had given you. 

“Look at that, he’s finally waking up”, a familiar voice says. 

“So we don’t need the water?” his second in command asks. 

“Let’s keep it.”

Silas walks into the cage, crouching down in front of you. He takes a hold of your chin, directing your head whichever way he wants. 

“You gave him a bump the size of mount everest”, Silas mutters over his shoulder. 

“He’s a trained fighter”, his second in command replies. “I had to do what I had to do, you know?”

“I guess.”

Silas lets go of your pounding head. You groan softly, feeling out of your own body, while still being trapped inside the cage. You start to cough and Silas grabs the bucket of icy water, holding it to your mouth. At first, you gulp it down … and then realize that it was sea water. You throw it up, right back into the bucket. Silas gives the bucket to his second in command, telling him to throw it out.

“That was fucking disgusting”, you grimace and gag. 

“You kind of deserve it.” He fixes your hair that has started to stick onto your forehead. “Why did you do that to me, Y/N?”

“You didn’t let me have my own life. I was living yours, as a side character.”

“You betrayed me.”

You meet his brown — almost black — eyes and feel your heart sink. You have never seen such sadness in his eyes before. 

“I know”, you say and turn down your gaze. “I felt really bad about it. I know the rules, and I won’t make a fuzz about it, but can I beg of you that it won’t be you who kills me? I don’t want that to be our last memory together.”

Silas seems to be taken aback. 

“I’m not going to kill you”, he says. “In fact, no one is.”

“But I betrayed you-”

“I know, but I can’t kill you.”

“You can’t bend the rules, or else you’ll get a mutiny.”

“Who said that I was letting you off the hook?”

You watch how Silas walks out of the cage, picks something up from the floor, and returns with a bottle in his hands. 

“I know that you are strong”, he says, popping the bottle open, “and violent. So, I’m going to keep you calm for the rest of the journey to Portugal. Open your mouth.”

“What is that?” you ask suspiciously, eyeing the bottle wearily. 

“Vodka.”

You shake your head quickly. “That’s so foul-”

“I did not ask for your opinion.”

He puts the opening of the bottle to your lips and you try to turn your head, but Silas forces you to drink. With one hand, he holds the bottle, and with the other he holds your chin to make sure that you can’t turn away. You have no other choice but to swallow the burning liquid. He doesn’t let you stop until half the bottle are gone. You cough and gag, but can’t throw up. 

“You absolute fu—fucking—”, you cough. 

“Calm down, baby boy, it’s just some vodka”, Silas says nonchalantly and takes a sip. “Good for your heart.”

He puts his hand on your heavily raising chest, trying to calm your breathing and feel your racing heart. The alcohol turns your body heat up and you want nothing more than for that bucket of water to come back. 

“My right hand man will be here to make sure that you’re not sober for a single second”, Silas says and stands up. 

“You can’t fucking leave me like this!” you burst out. 

“Then stop me.”

You fight against the ropes and Silas smirks triumphantly before leaving the cargo hold.

The second in command came in every half an hour to give you new sips. You tried to refuse, but with your hands locked behind your back and head spinning with alcohol, there wasn't much you could to to stop him.

You haven't drank anything since you were a young teenager and the rocking motions of the sea wasn't helping you. You refused to throw up again, refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing you in such a state next time they entered.

You hated alcohol even worse now. Fuck Silas. 

After what felt like hours — in your drunken state it could very well have been days, or minutes — you couldn't take it anymore.

“Silas!” you shout and your tone goes to a whining, slurred melody. “Silas!”

You've never felt so helpless.

Silas enters with his second in command tightly behind him. He enters the cage and crouches down in front of your pathetic form.

“What?” he asks, cupping your cheek.

“Please stop”, you beg and sob, but you're not sure if the tears come from the heart or the alcohol. “Please …I will do what you want …”

Silas grabs the back of your sweaty neck and directs your wet face into his shoulder, letting you cry. You can feel that your hands are freed from the ropes.

Silas picks you up, carrying you up to the decks above water. His second in command holds your head so that you won't smash it against one of the sharp corners. 

Silas tucks you into a bed and leaves you to rest. You can see the shining sun outside the round porthole window as you fall asleep. 

He walks out onto the deck of the fishing boat and smirks.

“What?” his second in command asks.

“I'm not single anymore”, Silas chuckles.

“You won again, congratulations. Will you put Y/N into the basement?”

“He can handle that. But most important thing is that he's coming home where he belongs, and there won't be any more childish outbursts.”

“What happened with your brother, by the way?”

“Who cares? I don't want to meet him anyway, so the less I need to deal with him, the better.”

When the fishing boat reaches Portugal, you are dragged to a car and to the airport. You don't say much. Silas disregard for your hate of alcohol and childish behavior has put you off. If it weren't for the fact that you are hus prisoner now, you wouldn't be his friend anymore.

Silas’s private jet stands ready on an empty field. He holds your arm as he pushes you up the stairs. You rip your arm from his hold.

“I can walk by myself, let me go”, you mutter.

Silas sighs. You sit down in a seat opposite Silas and cross your arms.

“You are glaring at me”, Silas says without glancing up from his phone.

“I'm just trying to determine if you have brain cells”, you spit.

“Aren't you a fun lad?”  

“Where is my phone, by the way?”

“Like sharp objects and weapons should be: far away from you.”

“Oh, I see. You're going to treat me like a child.”

“Y/N, I'm not an idiot. I trained you, I know how dangerous you are with weapons. You are even more violent than I am at times.”

“Obviously with good reasons.”

Silas glances up from his phone. You twitch your eyebrows testingly. You might not have your weapons, but your tongue is still sharp. 

Being in a relationship with Silas might be more interesting than you thought, and Silas sure as hell will realize that you're not going down without a fight.

“Your girlfriend, then?” you question. “What does she think?”

“Frankly, she can't think a lot at the moment”, Silas responds, turns off his phone and luts it on the table between you. 

You get the hint immediately. 

“Killing her was unnecessary”, you say.

“Running away from me was unnecessary too”, Silas adds.

“This is going to be a stable relationship.”

“It will be the second you stop with the childish attitude.”

While keeping eye contact, you push his phone off the table. Silas eye twitches as he bends down to get it.

“You're going into the basement when we get home”, he says.

“Can I hit back? Or are you going to have full control and tie me up again? Is that the only way you can win over me? With me being completely helpless?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up before I let you ride on the airplane wing.”

“Sounds good to me.”

You stare at each other, and you refuse to look away first. You're going to make him regret imprisoning you.

[mcondance]

lovely

“You say things with your mouth, cobwebs and flies come out / I hear a second voice behind your tongue somehow / Luckily, I can read your mind, flies and cobwebs unwind / They will not take you down, They will not cast you out”

Or, you’re fine. And whatever other words hide behind those four letters. Spencer sees what a piece of you wants to hide from him.

notes fluff (mcondance writes fluff??) but still MDNI, reader is neurodivergent this is for my baby girls (audhd spencer reid kissers), inspired by those lyrics from lovely by twenty øne piløts, do not listen while you read. this is what having a dual tøp-spencer reid era does to a writer. gif from pinterest. also guys please i’ve been experimenting with layouts for my works for like… months now if this layout is ugly just ignore it please please. mcondance capitalizes ?!

word count 1.1k+ (closer to 1.2k hello i am proud)

You lie still on your back in the middle of the bed as you watch Spencer close the door and set his cardigan down on the chair by the dresser. He floats through the dim room, momentarily lit up by the interludes of soft moonlight wafting through the windows. He takes his place beside the bed. Your music pauses.

“You okay?” He asks quietly.

“I’m fine.”

You’re lying. Spencer knows you’re lying; it wouldn’t take a genius to deduce that. It’s in your voice, most obviously. But it’s in the other details that only Spencer would notice, too. Not because he’s a genius, but because he’s your Spencer. 

The room is dark. Which wouldn’t be much of a problem, if you didn’t sound so bleak and tired when you spoke. You have your big headphones on, which, again, wouldn’t be so bad if you’d have pulled one back when he walked in, or even just told him that the song’s almost at the good part, and then after it hits you’ll take them off.

The room is bathed in moonlight. The moon, and your Spencer. Two shoulders for you to lean on. Three, actually, with the music you were just listening to. 

But all of the shoulders just aren’t enough to block out the bad feelings you’re having right now.

Overwhelmed. Sad. A little depressed. Whatever. 

“I don't think so, honey,” Spencer speaks softly from where he stands in a split of moonlight, hands in his pockets as he shrugs.

He glows in a silver streak. You sniffle. Fuck.

He allows silence to ensue, obviously giving you time to get your thoughts together. The bed dips to the left as he sits down beside you and props his leg up. A part of you wants to laugh at the common knowledge that if you had the will to look down you’d see an interesting sock and a Converse, but you don’t have the energy to do anything but what you’ve been doing since you let your playlist roll into its fifth run— lay down and alternate between staring out into the blackness of your room and the backs of your eyelids.

“It’s nothing,” you obfuscate. But it’s obviously not nothing.

Again, he lets his silence give you comfort instead of pushing you to talk. You take it gratefully, as it gives you the time you need to collect yourself and try to put words to what’s going on in your head and all under your skin.

You breathe in.

“I'm just… irritated.”

You breathe out.

A bit of weight lifts off of your chest at your short admission, but the elephant in the room continues to perch tall and proud on you, crushing you and leaving very little room for you to exist.

Still, Spencer is silent. The quiet puffs of his breath and the dip in the mattress are enough. Anything else would be too much, and he knows that. So he lets you lead him into the dark with you, he stays still and lets you guide him into the cavernous deep of all that you feel right now.

The fan whirs and cars pass outside the window. The stillness of the night almost laughs at the chaos ensuing in you.

Another breath, deeper this time as you gather the courage to try to express what it is you’re feeling.

“I don't know,” you blurt. “Everything's just too loud and my friends are all annoying and nothing on YouTube is interesting and I feel like I'm gonna explode and crumble all at the same time.” Those tears are bubbling up under the surface of your skin again and threatening to spill out of your eyes. 

And now that you’ve spoken and some of the tension in the air has dissipated, Spencer feels it’s appropriate for him to talk.

“It’s okay, baby. You’ve been working a lot lately without many breaks and now you’ve run out of steam, and that’s okay. It happens. You’re just burnt out.”

Horribly, his sweet words inflame a mean, hot part of you. You scoff, finding the strength to wipe a stray tear as it falls. Spencer knows you don’t mean it, that something up in your brain has just had enough and is now denying you of any feeling but solitary petrification.

Burnout. You hate that word. You wish it didn’t happen to you. You wish that you were normal and being stressed didn’t mean paralysis and staring at the ceiling like it’ll change and morph into an answer or a semblance of comfort. 

In the dark, you strain your eyes at his form. You can just barely make out the wisps of hair flying in all directions away from his face. His posture is terrible. You can tell he’s looking off to the side of you so you won’t feel overwhelmed under his eyes. Perhaps he was made for you.

The air softens, and you do too. The facade of anger slips away as quickly as it reared its ugly head. You take a shuddering breath and let your head fall towards him.

He moves closer and a beam of moonlight illuminates him as he takes you in with warmth etched onto the comfort of his face.

Something up in your brain has just had enough and is now denying you of any feeling but solitary petrification. 

Fortunately, Spencer won’t let that happen. 

How grateful you are for this man who won’t let you get the aloneness that some tired part of you craves. He’ll stick beside you and sit in silence for hours upon hours if it meant you wouldn’t feel alone. He has done that before. He’d do it again in a heartbeat.

With him smiling softly at you even in your cocoon of darkness, that sweet quirk of his lips that is ever-present when he’s looking at you, you feel a little better. Now, he can touch you. Before that thought even registers, he reaches out for your knee and rests his hand there, rubbing his thumb up and down over your skin.

It doesn’t cross the line of overstimulation, and it doesn’t feel like not enough. It’s just enough. Spencer can read you as well as the surplus of books he reads daily. There’s no push to get up, to take your headphones off or turn the light on.

Spencer wants only for you to breathe, and to know that he is here. When he hears your breathing become easy again, and he feels just a bit more of the discord you’re swathed in slip off of you, he knows you know.

His hand on your knee won’t nurse you back to your functioning form. And it’s not what he’s striving to do. 

And as you look through the darkness into his moon-bathed eyes, you know you’ll have him here with you every step of the way, by some divine power that put him in your life. And that’s okay. You won’t be okay for a while, but you have him to lean on. You’ll always have him to lean on. You feel the love he has for you radiating off of him, pushing into your skin as he caresses it slowly.

Getting out of bed sometime later sounds a little easier, now.

[empresskylo]

ೃ⁀➷ call of duty incorrect quotes

⋆｡°✩ all featuring gn!reader insert ⋆｡°✩ AUTHOR'S NOTE | hopefully these aren't cringey lol, i pulled most of them from pinterest. i just thought they'd be fun. let me know if you'd want to see more.

cod masterlist | main masterlist

soap: *bursts into the room, starts panicking* ghost: you: ghost: what happened? soap: no one died you: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER–

gaz: have you heard the joke about the gaslighter? soap: no... gaz: no, you definitely have. soap: no I haven't. gaz: you've literally heard it before. soap: no i haVEN'T gaz: yes you have soap: I DON'T KNOW IT?!? gaz: you're crazy, man. ghost: *hiding his smirk* you: *giggling beside ghost*

soap: I just fell– you: from heaven? soap: no, like I literally just fell– you: in love with me? soap: my fucKING ARM IS BROKEN you: okay, but do you think i'm pretty? be honest.

you: i sleep with a dagger under my pillow. gaz: weak. I sleep with a gun. ghost: you're both pathetic. you: oh?? and what do you sleep with? ghost: soap. you: *spits out drink*

you: what are you, 5? konig [snorts]: yeah, 5 heads taller than you. you: konig: konig: I'm sorry, please don't kill me.

you [on the phone]: uh... price? price [tired]: is the base on fire? you: well...no? price: then it's not an emergency price: *hangs up* gaz: WHAT DID HE SAY? you: he said it's not an emergency. soap [pinned under a cabinet that ghost and alejandro are trying to get off him]: HOW IS THIS NOT AN EMERGENCY

ghost: i invited you into the woods because I crave the most dangerous game. you and soap [both nodding]: knife monopoly. ghost: i was actually going to hunt you for sport but now i'm interested in whatever the fuck knife monopoly is.

ghost: *is carrying all the groceries* you: *holds out a hand to help* ghost: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold your hand*

you: can you keep a secret? ghost: do you know anything about my life? you: no, i do not. good point.

[you and ghost texting] you: where are you? ghost: turn around ghost: no the other way ghost: wrong way again you: ghost, where exactly are you?? ghost: at base, but the thought of you turning aimlessly in circles amuses me.

soap: go big or go home! you [tears in your eyes]: i am begging you, soap. for once in your life, go home. please. just this once. go home. ghost: *nods in agreement* soap: i'm going big!

soap: hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? you: peonies, why? soap: you: were you going to get me flowers? soap: you: soap: it's a possibility...

you: why are you smiling? price: what? can't I just be happy? soap: gaz tripped and fell in the parking lot.

ghost: i wish i could block people in real life. you: restraining order. soap: murder. gaz: jesus fucking chr–

you: so you don't have a thing for anyone at the moment? soap: well... i didn't say that. you: oh. what's she like then? soap: you're just gonna assume they're a 'she'? you: are they– you: are they not a girl? soap: *gay panic*

ghost: i made tea. you: i don't want tea. ghost: i didn't make tea for you. this is my tea. you: then why are you telling me? ghost: it's a conversation starter. soap [looking between you two, confused] you: that's not really a conversation starter. ghost: oh, it isn't? we're conversing, aren't we? checkmate. you [scoffing]: well it's a lousy one then. ghost: never said it wasn't. you: *looking at soap* soap: *looking at you*

price: what does 'take out' mean? alejandro: food. gaz: dating. soap: murder. you: it can mean all three if you're not a coward. ghost: soap: gaz: price: you: what?

ghost: look, i know you think my judgment is clouded because i like soap a little bit. you [holding ghost's notepad]: you doodled your wedding invitations. ghost: no, that's our joint tombstone. you: oh, right, my mistake.

konig: hello, welcome to our first debrief. konig: today we're talking about... you [whispering]: building loyalty. konig: killing royalty. you [under your breath]: oh my god.

ghost: i am a very bad person. very very bad person. i am a horrible person. soap: you: gaz: ghost: "no you're not, ghost! we still love you, ghost!"

[weirdworldofwinnie]

A Safe Way Out

Jonathan Breech x Female Reader (NSFW 18+ only)

Summary: You're a very shy patient at the psychiatric hospital and the newest inpatient part of the therapy group has to be the cutest man you've ever seen, and he takes an interest in you, but he's not quite as innocent as he looks.

Word Count: ~3,384

Warnings: Smut (unprotected sex), loss of virginity/innocent reader, cum squirting, oral (fem receiving), mental illness, past trauma, talk of depression and suicide, some angst, language

Disclaimer: This just fantasy/fiction, I do not own anything from the 2001 Irish film On the Edge starring Cillian Murphy.

Breech, Jonathan.

He was surely the prettiest person you'd ever witnessed admitted to this institution that he could make both men and even women jealous, even though his pajamas were ill-fittingly too short and he had a cocky attitude that didn't go unnoticed by the staff and other patients, but he wasn't a total asshole... at least you hoped.

At the couple of group therapy sessions he attended he was rebellious, giving the always tired (but very patient) Dr. Figure grief through ample sarcasm that made you stifle smirks, but as usual you never spoke much, being selectively mute unless you were forced to answer a question from Dr. Figure. They didn't give any drugs to dope up; the doctor didn't think you nor the small group you were part of needed them, but sometimes you wished they would so you didn't have to participate in these stupid sessions that went in half-spun circles and could just conk out in your room or outside.

You had been submitted here by your estranged parents after a series of concerning events that you had tried to mentally block out, including attempting to take your own life because of bullying and abuse; you were not able to ever acclimate fully to society because of it, which led you to being stuck in this place, mentally spinning wheels while growing more and more wary of the outside world everyday. Jonathan was the opposite; he had a spark of defiance and a fire you didn't have enough oxygen for to nourish for yourself. He clearly didn't think he really belonged here and in a way, you sort of admired him even if he was a bit strange and potentially dangerous... He was certainly an exciting refresher in such a dull, day-to-day drudgery.

One day after walking out of yet another mildly frustrating therapy session, he stepped in front of you in the hall as you were making your way back to your room alone, a curious light in his stunningly blue excuses for eyeballs.

"Hey, you mind if I join ya in your room?" he asked suddenly and you froze, uncertain of how to react. You only ever minimally interacted one-on-one with people you trusted... Fellow patient Nick kept saying Jonathan wasn't to be trusted, but Nick was also kind of a paranoid weirdo that always was listening to his headphones, so what did he know?

Jonathan seemed to sense your hesitation and he grinned, trying to put you at ease or maybe he was just messing with you. Either way, you had to hide your intrigue in case he was pulling your leg.

"Don't look spooked out, I'm just so fucking bored at this place and you're pretty cute, but you never really talk... I just wanna get to know ya better," he explained sincerely, but you still felt wary.

"Can I see your room at least?" he asked innocently and you finally gave him a shy nod, causing him to smile in broad relief that reminded you of the last rays of sunlight splashing upon the cliffs.

He walked along beside you, swinging his arms back and forth a bit as if he was winding himself up, all the way to your room and past an orderly who gave him a suspicious glance, but you gave the man a thumbs up to let him know it was fine. Security here was surprisingly not as strict as one would imagine for a psychiatric hospital and the younger patients tended to sneak out once a week to the city with minimal repercussions. They always came back anyway.

You reached your designated room and opened the door slowly, and Jonathan strolled in after you, sighing loudly.

"Oh, would'ja look at that - they gave you the fanciest room they've got," he commented sarcastically as you sat down on the small bed, tucking your knees up to your chest and he stood, surveying you and scene for a second and then joining to sit, copying your posture. He fiddled with his slippers for a minute and then turned to you curiously.

"So lemme get this right: You only talk when or if you have ta?"

"Yeah," you mumbled and he nodded sagely.

"That's an interesting way to deal with people. Don't blame ya, lot of wanks out there not worth being spoken to. What's your name - I mean, I know it from the meeting, but can you say it?" he asked, however unlike any doctor, it wasn't clinical or judgmental. He truly seemed interested and so you whispered your first name aloud to the floor.

"It's a nice name. How old are you?" You could hear the smile in his deep voice.

"T-Twenty two," you responded with a slight stutter, too fluttery to be able to meet his gaze.

"Fuck, that's older than me... I'm nineteen, but you know already know that. You ever been anywhere outside of Dublin?"

You looked away, not answering. If you ever had, you'd been too small to remember.

"How long you've been here?" he asked curiously and you splayed your hand, palm up towards him.

"Five weeks or five years?"

"Years," you whispered and he was silent for a few minutes, picking at the hem of his baby blue pajama pants.

"So much for the road to recovery, eh?" he scoffed and you just shrugged.

He put his legs down, feet flat on the floor and crossing his arms tight to his chest, wearing that oversized silly orange patterned sweater of his. He sniffed and bit his lip, glancing up at the bare ceiling as if he would find the answers to existence there.

"Something happened to you, I know. Shit, something happened to us all here. It's okay if you don't wanna or can't talk 'bout it. But I can't figure out if you have the same thoughts me and the others have? You know, what the doc locks us up for... suicidal? Like there's no fucking point to this blip of existence? And they think we're nuts, but we just seein' the truth."

You slowly pulled up your sleeve, exposing the faint scars etched into your left wrist, remnants of cutting attempts to escape life before you had been dumped off in this place indefinitely. You had never tried it since and were now an adult and could seek the means to leave if you truly wanted to, but there was nothing out there in the world for you.

"See this pinky finger?" Jonathan asked suddenly, poking up his baby finger and you nodded, interested.

"I was just trying to get rid of what was left of me old Da and the damn car didn't do the job right. Could've broken neck but all I broke was me baby finger. Least you've got the scars there to prove survivin'." He sighed heavily, almost disappointed, and you spoke the first sentence you had in days, your voice hushed from disuse.

"Why do ya wanna die?"

He blinked, giving you a meaningful glance and his full lips stretched into a tight ironic smile.

"I don't want to die; I don't want to be alive. I'm just a fucking living ghost, we all are... Doesn't that realization scare the wits outta ya?"

He looked away at the wall, blinking as the drippy tears escaped and his mouth quivered in quiet anguish, his dewy face scrunching up. You reached over and touched his cheek, catching a tear rolling down his smooth pallid skin and wiping it off tenderly. He sniffled, embarrassed, and gently took your wrist and whispered emphatically.

"I like you, Y/N. You don't freak out or talk down to me or bitch about your own problems. You're unique, but I'm thinking ya too cute to be truly crazy."

"Cute?" you repeated and he grinned at hearing your high breathy voice.

"Don't be so afraid to talk, you got a pretty voice. Bet nobody be calling ya cute in a long time, right?"

You shrugged sheepishly and he tilted your chin up with his fingers, tracing the outline of your face fondly and you blushed, not used to being touched by anyone like that. It was... comforting, a feeling you had been very numb to for some time. His pinkish lips parted and he tilted his head slightly, mouth gaping in anticipation for a kiss but you froze, unsure and not wanting to take the lead.

"I want a kiss," he murmured and the way he said it made you draw closer, trusting the process. He closed his eyes and blindly groped your lips, sucking, and then his tongue dove in with a surprising force, swirling around your mouth and he gripped the sides of your head in a vice, cutting off any resistance... Not that you were repulsed in any way once the initial shock wore off.

He broke away after several seconds, gasping and licking his lips hungrily.

"Mm, didja like that?"

Your cheeks became pink and he glanced over your head at the windowpanes being pattered with a steady rain and it was growing dimmer outside, evening approaching with a cloaking storm, and it reflected in the dull colors of the room that was becoming muted of natural light.

"Can I show you something?" he asked huskily, shifting on the bed restlessly.

You ducked your chin in affirmative, heart fluttering in uncertainty as he reached to yank his sweater and pajama shirt over his head, leaving him with a bare chest. You stared, fascinated in his anatomy; it had been so long since you'd seen anyone without some clothing on. He grinned, pointing awkwardly to your own chest.

"So, uh, now this... this'll be the part where you remove your garment," he instructed and cautiously, you unbuttoned your pj's and you never wore a bra, so soon he was facing your naked breasts with your nipples hardening from the airy exposure.

"Really cute," he breathed, gently putting a finger to your right nipple and pressing lightly, stroking around the center and then drawing a line to the other breast, doing the same to that one and you shivered, feeling a strange pull in your stomach that was borderline butterflies. He leaned back, bouncing up slightly on the bed and kicking his slippers off to the floor.

"But hold on, there's more to see," he said with a verging mischievous excitement. You'd never seen him look so genuinely joyful and as he tugged down his pj bottoms, you blinked, faced with a protruding bugle in his white underwear.

After a beat, he removed his boxers, springing forth a stiff appendage that you'd never in the flesh on a man, well, in its erect state at least.

"Want to touch it? It doesn't bite," Jonathan joked with a lazy grin and you cautiously extended a hand and put your fingers on the glistening tip. It was definitely moist and firmly solid, and he shuddered through a breath of arousal.

"Wet," you observed and he laughed, scooting closer so his penis was resting in your hands.

"I like it when you touch me there, don't stop," he begged and you felt him up, amused at his reaction.

He twitched in your palms as you ran careful fingers up his fleshy length and to his balls, lightly petting the coarse dark hair nesting around them, and he shivered pleasurably, resisting the urge to already ejaculate.

"Feelin' good?" you asked fondly, seeing his mouth agape and eyes nearly rolling back.

"Too fuckin' good, need to stop before I cum too quick. Wanna enjoy this... Lemme have at that pussy of yours now instead of using me dick, m'kay?"

You could tell it wasn't a question, but you weren't sure what he meant entirely. You eased off his genitalia, cock dripping slightly, and sat back, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Here," Jonathan murmured and his hands went to your waist, teasing down the waistband of your pj's and pushing the pants down your legs, letting you wiggle out and kick them to the floor, along with your slippers. He stared for a full ten seconds at your womanhood, biting his lip and swirling his tongue around his mouth, before he bent down and spread your legs apart. You tried to ask him what was going to happen, but he dove in already, tongue flicking at your delicate folds with attempted precision. You gasped audibly at the new sensation and he clamped hands down on your thighs, clinging on as he maneuvered his thick tongue faster and you grabbed at a fistful of his hair, shaking from the unfamiliarity and equal anticipation as your body seemed to take control of natural instincts and budding arousal grew stronger.

He just wanted to warm you up though, and he withdrew his tongue soon, lips glistening with a tiny smear of discharge. Your bare chest rose and fell in rhythm as he surveyed the fresh terrain, just aching for more. You very well might be a complete virgin and that prospect tantalized him yet also privately frightened him of messing up. Of course he'd been with girls before, but they weren't this sheltered and sweet. He may corrupt you and alter the course of this extremely new friendship, which in his mind was always meant to become more of a relationship; the moment he saw you he knew he needed to get in your pants.

"Eh, give it a go," Jonathan told himself forcibly and his finger jerked onto your entrance, worming in needily and making you squeak in surprise. He shushed you, zipping his lips with his free hand, giving you a clear message that it wasn't wise to make unusual noises. Even though it wasn't like there was cameras in the rooms, one couldn't be too careful. If Dr. Figure found out his newest unstable patient, the same one that pledged not to kill himself before New Year's Eve, was somewhat taking advantage of a virgin he just met in her own room, the doc would be most displeased.

Nevertheless, whimpers escaped from your throat as he pressed further to your clit and moved another finger to join the first, uncomfortably stretching into your walls. Despite the stinging pain, you felt an decent amount of wetness pooling from your vagina, almost like peeing, and clenched reflexively, hitting his knuckles.

"Oh, I'm thinking it's ready," he whispered impatiently, wriggling his digits away with a squelch and wiping your light drizzle of cum on his cock.

Before you could react, he adjusted position and slid on top of you, pressing his body down onto your bare one and rubbing his full cock in-between your thighs.

You gasped when he began to shove in rather roughly, squirming into your tight unbroken hole and you looked up at his face, watching his hair askew slightly and you noticed a scar above his eyebrow you hadn't noticed before. You wrapped your arms around his neck, afraid to get pinned underneath him, and tried to buck and roll with the motion, but it was getting painful.

"Hurts," you whimpered into his ear as he thrusted further.

"Not gonna hurt in a minute, baby," he whispered, too in heat to stop and consider much else and he clapped a hand over your mouth to stifle any more alarming noises.

"C-Can't go-go all the way in," he panted, his skin slapping yours and rocking the whole small bed.

Sure enough, the pain became more bearable though the more he worked you and pleasure eventually overturned it altogether, the bursting bloom of an orgasm that was very likely the best feeling that had ever happened to you. You sank your mouth on his shoulder to stifle a cry, careful to not bite too deeply, and then mewled into his neck, panting heavily along with him and digging your fingers into his brown scrubby sideburns and floppy hair.

"Mm, fuc-fucking good, ya likin' it, eh?" Jonathan choked out in a whisper and you couldn't respond, too taken by this incredible euphoria and the way his cock flexed inside close at your cervix. You weren't sure how long he could stay in without it becoming too uncomfortable, but he lifted up slightly, grunting softly at his own arousal and effort.

He pulled out just in time, finishing outside by squirting hot ropes of milky cum all over your vagina, stomach, and legs. The bedsheets took a few splatters as well and he heaved in relief as you laid there, utterly stunned at his sexual performance. You had squirted a little bit too and it had intermixed with his juices that you couldn't tell which was from whom. It was so intimate and gross and a big part of you absolutely loved it, having never been in such a situation before... It was exciting and playful.

He swiped two fingers through the fluids and spread it on your thighs further, encouraging you to feel it as well and you giggled at him taking your own fingers and guiding them up to his face, dotting his chin with cum.

Jonathan then sat back on his haunches and admired you, catching his breath and listening to the steady patter of rain. You rolled over onto your side and your eyes widened at a couple spots of blood on the sheets and he looked down in causal observance.

"Ah, that'd be normal, don't worry," he assured with a chuckle.

"Though, uh, maybe we'd better try to hide it case they come collect the sheets tomorrow," he realized on second thought.

"I say I been bleeding, on my cycle," you offered as an explanation.

"Yeah, that'd be good cover," he agreed and climbed off, picking up his clothing and shimmying back into the pajamas and sweater.

"Look, I'll get us some towels or somethin' from the bathroom," he said, walking quietly to the door and opening it with a peering glance out, but the coast was clear. Most patients should be in their rooms by now anyhow.

You relaxed in a post-orgasmic trance while he was gone, listening to the dripping weather outside and wondering how you'd be able to be normal around him tomorrow.

The door squeaked open softly a couple minutes later and Jonathan came back inside with a bundle of torn sheets of toilet paper clutched in his hand.

"Couldn't get towels, so I took some shit paper that'll have ta do instead," he announced with dry amusement and he used it to wipe you clean of the wet mess and you thanked him quietly, grateful to be dry again for it had become rather cold and tingly on your skin. You automatically flinched a fraction when he wiped at your folds, as you were raw and sore, but he was fairly gentle. When he finished, Jonathan moved in very close as if for a kiss, but only whispered near to your ear, tickling your earlobe with his warm breath.

"Don't tell anyone about what we did... just a little secret, m'kay? Though I guess you wouldn't be blabbin' to anyone else anyway," he chuckled darkly, but it wasn't mean.

"Maybe we can see each other again?" he proposed as he balled up the soiled toilet paper and retreated back towards the door.

"Okay, Jonathan," you whispered in reply and he flushed at the sound of his name on your lips.

"I think you'll be my new therapy, better than anything that wanker of a Freud psychiatrist can offer." He paused, shuffling his feet and then glanced up daringly, determination in his blue orbs.

"We'll find a way out soon, a safe way out, me and you and Rachel and Toby... and I'll show you how to have a good time at the pub, eh? Like the sound of that?"

You only smiled as he turned to exit, but then abruptly paused and bit his lip as he looked back at you with a yearning, like what the two of you had just done still wasn't enough.

"Abair do phaidreacha agus codhladh sámh," he spoke in Gaelic and you translated back softly with a meaningful smile.

"Say your prayers and sleep well."

With a dip of his head and smug, yet almost childlike smile, Jonathan ducked out the door and was gone for the night.

[hibiscuslovecandles]

✧˖°DIGITAL GIRL✧˖°|BSD X DDLC

Genre:Fluff,crack,AU,GN!Reader,Angst?

Warnings: Suicide,Murder,Yandere,Might be ooc this was one of the first fics i wrote, not proofread, Let me know if there's any warning I missed!

Note:I don't usually write like at all so just letting you know to not expect more of this from my account I'm just trying to get this out my notes app man give me a break it's been there too long

🐅The childhood best friend

🐅Atsushi was the cute boy who lived in the orphanage a few blocks down that you’d occasionally see through the orphanage gates .

🐅You'd usually see him when your parents would send you to the convenient store for sweets or when you were walking to a friend's house.

🐅He always looked….So tired,Like he was just dragging himself around,You didn't understand why.

🐅Your parents were walking with you one time and saw him in the courtyard of the orphanage and immediately tensed at the sight of him and started speed walking out of discomfort due to his….worrying appearance.

🐅Your first ever interaction with Atsushi was when your parents gave you money for candy and when you were on your home you stopped infront of the gate when you saw Atsushi.

🐅You got closer to the gate an called out to him: “Psssst” while waving him over to you,He limped his over to you and once he was close enough you put your arm through the gate bars and dropped a piece of candy in his hands.

🐅And that's how the friendship between you and Atsushi started!Whenever you'd see him you'd call him over and just chat with him and depending if your parents gave you enough money or not you'd get him his own candy instead of a piece of yours.

🐅As a kid you never really understood why the candy meant so much to him,Didn't the orphanage give him treats?What's so special about what you're doing?

🐅He’d always panic a little when you'd give him his own candy and immediately shove it into his mouth and let out a hushed “Thank you”

🐅You were eight. You didn't understand why he stopped showing up to the gate when you told him to ask the orphanage director if he could come out to play with you.Did he get adopted?Was he was actually grounded forever?Did he get mad at you?

🐅You never found out why.Two months into not seeing your friend Atsushi your parents broke the news that you'd be moving a good 13 hours away.Your dad had lost his job and your mom's job didn't make enough to support all of you so your parents were going to move in with your grandparents.

🐅You cried for hours when you found out you were gonna be leaving home and leaving all your friends behind.Your teacher and classmates held a goodbye party for you,Your neighborhood friends said bye,Atsushi didn't say goodbye. You waited outside the gate the day before the move to tell him but he never showed up.

🐅You moved in with your grandparents and were upset with moving for like two weeks but just like kids do you quickly got over it and moved on when you became interested in something else.Occasionally looking back at 9 years ago and all your memories of Atsushi you realize how…malnourished he looked…no wonder he was grateful for the candy you'd give him…

🐅18 years old and your parents break the news that their moving back to your childhood neighborhood…WHAT!?IT WAS OKAY TO MOVE WHEN YOU WERE EIGHT SINCE YOU WERE YOUNG AND DIDN'T HAVE THAT SOLID OF RELATIONSHIPS BUT NOW?YOUR LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL?FUCKING BULLSHIT.

🐅Moving back was a struggle,You were away from your actual friends and you had to resettle down,You weren't really social and just wanted to get through this school year so you can move back and be with your actual friends.

🐅Until you saw a very familiar boy on the train to school…It was Atsushi the skinny orphan.

🐅When you both got off the train you both thought you'd walk in different directions and never see eachother again.WRONG!You both go to the same school so you both walked in the same direction.There was an uncomfortable silence between the two of you the entire walk to school.Luckily the two of you had different homerooms and wouldn't need to see eachother….until school ended.

🐅You walked out of school and was texting your mom on your phone letting her know how school went when a hand grabs your bag to stop you.

🐅It was Atsushi!He wanted to catch up after school at the park,Out of intrigue(And also because you just moved therefore have nothing else better to do) you agreed.

🐅Whem the two of you met up at the park you caught up on eachothers lives,You found out why he never showed up at the gate again…..No food,No lights,No water,No interaction,for weeks until he understood he was forbidden to see you again….You were disturbed by this. You told him how before you moved you waited outside to tell him and he began profusely apologizing for not showing up and you had to explain to him how its not his fault.

🐅The two of you went to a store near the park together and got yourselves a sweet treat.

🐅After this it became routine for the two of you to go to the park after school to just hang out and at the end of your hangout to get something sugary to eat. It was nice to eat with him and talk with him not through a gate.

🐅There were times where Atsushi would spend the night at your house,Usually after he had a panic attack,so he could calm down since your presence soothes him.He’ll just lay in your bed with you crying until he slowly mellows out and falls asleep with you.Your parents have gotten used to his presence at the house though they do feel guilty for having misjudged him when he was younger.He really is a nice boy!

🐅It was one of those nights and you woke up on time ready for school instead of waking him up you decided to just let him sleep in your bed so you could do your morning routine.He was still asleep by the time you were finished…..Oh well!And off to school you headed off!

🐅You were about ten blocks in before you heard the sound of shoes slapping against pavement behind you and immediately knew who it was.Atsushi trying to catch up to you with one shoe untied,only his left arm in his uniform jacket,and a orange in his right hand that was on your kitchen counter. You stopped walking to watch him pull himself together as he babbled about some literature club he wanted you to join.

🐅He was trying to convince you to join,despite your reluctance due to your lack of interest in writing, all the way to the train station until he mentioned there would be cupcakes and tea!Hell yeah you're coming!

🐅He waited for you outside your classroom so you both could walk to club together!On your way to club you found out he's the vice president of the club no wonder he wanted you to join -.- 🐅He introduced you to the other club members: The….eccentric Dazai,The calm Chuuya,and the charismatic club president Fyodor

🐅Writing poems with them is interesting enough.Atsushi really likes writing poems about food it seems haha!

🐅….Tf you mean the school festival is coming up soon and we gotta get ready for that🧍🏽‍♂️

🐅Sorry Atsushi that I can't go home with you and hang out with at park and eat!I have to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself after school!Maybe next time….You say for fourth time this week

🐅After taking care of some business for the school festival you're finally on your way home!It's pretty damn dark out,The street lights are on and everything,You check your phone and see it's 8:30…You aren't gonna get any homework done.

🐅You turn around when you feel a hand on your shoulder, it's Atsushi,He ends up walking you home.

🐅On your way home the two of you discussed you helping the others for the festival,During this entire conversation his eyes were…glassy like he wanted to cry,then suddenly he started apologizing profusely while crying into the crook of your neck with his hands gripping the sleeves of your uniform where he confessed that it hurts him how selfish his love for you is…

🐅You both went your separate ways.

🐅“Good morning-……Atsushi?”

🦀The boy in homeroom

🦀First day of senior year in a new school yay…Atleast he kept you entertained enough.

🦀When you walked into your homeroom class for the first time your main objective was: SURVIVE. Sure you saw a few people from your elementary school you could talk to but its been a good 10 years so they probably forgot your existence, created way stronger friendships, and created solid dynamics with eachother so what was the point on socializing with them?That's the reason why you didn't interact with Atsushi on the way to school.The goal is to graduate and immediately move back to your grandparents where your real friends are so its best to just sit all the way in the back of the class and hope you're still able to read from the board.

🦀Unfortunately you ended up sitting behind a complete weirdo. The moment you sat down behind his head immediately turned to look at you,Lept from his seat,On one knee askung you out.

🦀And based on your classmates reactions of: Looking at you and the weirdo wrapped in bandages for 3 seconds then going back to what they were doing and completely not acknowledging what he just did you can assume this is a regular occurrence.

🦀This’ll be fun.

🦀When the first period teacher walked in he immediately asked Dazai to stop his behavior towards you and just rubbed his face with his hands with a mumble of how he hates his job. Thats how you found out the boy's name was Dazai.

🦀The teacher got the class seated and had you introduce yourself properly and gave you a heads up that he has expectations for you that you will meet when you take his class.

🦀It was kinda hard to pay attention to what he was saying when this Dazai kid is literally snoring loudly in the middle of class and noone seems to care.

🦀When class actually began he immediately woke up then kept leaning back in his seat,his head was completely in the way,It's too late to move seats now so I guess you're just not gonna get any work done on the first day.

🦀Everytime he'd lean back he'd either be completely disinterested in you or he'd be pestering you to speak to him!The mixed messages he was giving you were crazy.

🦀At some point he leaned so far back in his seat that he hit the back of his head on your desk and flopped over on the ground causing the entire class to look at you to,Some laughing,Some just staring,the teacher rushed over and scolded Dazai for his antics.

🦀Which led to you,by the teachers orders,having to drag Dazai to the nurses office with his arm slug over your shoulder and your arm resting on his shoulder to make sure his head didn't bust open all over the floor.

🦀You seriously doubted if he was actually hurt since he kept mumbling to you about philosophy or something,You don't know probably some weird kid school threat stuff,hell he even made full eye contact with you during the walk to the infirmary you expecting him to say “Don't come to school tomorrow” but instead “You're an alright person.Keep being a okay person..”….Not sure what that means but you dropped him off with the nurse because you had no time for this edgy bullshit.

🦀After that you quickly got used to Dazai's off-putting antics just like the rest of the class and the teachers.Turns out him asking to go out with you wasn't anything special apparently he's asked every girl in your homeroom that question atleast once.Damn can't even have a y/n moment.

🦀You learned more about the freak sitting infront of you during class when he'd chat at you instead of doing his work. You know he likes crab and alcohol and that he's most definitely suicidal but you immediately knew that one when he saw him wrapped up like a mummy…..and anything else about him is a mystery.

🦀You did try pressing him for more on his life but he'd just smile at you and try and have you guess.Goodluck asking other classmates cause they tried the same thing….Meh that strange guy probably kills dogs on his free time so it'd probably the best if you just go with the flow and don't try to dig too much into him.

🦀Hell you've even started playing along with his antics more amused at this point than concerned like you were at first.Are you still worries for him?Yes but it'll save you tears if you pick to go along with his weird shit instead of question it.

🦀You even sit next to him during lunch,Less out of will and more out of “I don't wanna look like some unsocial loser” so why not sit next to the weird kid.Atleast he knows how to keep a conversation interesting.

🦀Everyday he'll ask you if you brought your notes in and when you give him your notes he'll tell you got things wrong. So you do pay attention or not?He's totally not taking it as an excuse to talk to you or anything.

🦀When Dazai is actually paying attention to what's happening in class you like to throw stuff like paper and erases at the back of his head to annoy him.The dreadful looking boy would always throw them back at you or start leaning back in his seat again to block your vision of the board.Hes your homeroom pal who you annoy in homeroom and homeroom only. You don't really go out of your way to hangout outside of homeroom. Homeroom is enough Dazai for you.

🦀But life decided you needed more Dazai in your life. BY INTRODUCING YOU TO SOMETHING CALLED A LITERATURE CLUB.

🦀When Atsushi introduced you to everyone in the club you avoided eye contact with that weirdo and pretended to not know him,Dazai seemed more amused than anything and ran with it…not really he VERY dramatically greeted you and said he totally hasn't met you before.

🦀He brought tea for everyone!You didn't realize he could do something without messing it up :0

🦀Though the ginger haired,Chuuya,didn't seem too pleased with the tea.He kept glaring at Dazai. Best not think too much into it.

🦀Dazai didn't seem to mind Chuuya glaring at him.He even poked fun at guy who most definitely wanted him in the ground!

🦀God hes weird.

🦀Aaaaand the two are arguing over poetry.What kinda nerd yells about poetry.

🦀They had you compare their poetry to eachother. Chuuya's poem is very cynical and depressing and full of metaphors there's a sense of loss that his poem emits. Dazai's poem comes off as very casual,like talking to a friend you haven't see in awhile about how life has been treating the two of you,but when you read inbetween the lines there's something off about the poem like the poem itself has something to hide. Comparing two edgelords. Great. Luckily it was quickly resolved.

🦀When it came to reading your poems in front of eachother you frankly felt illiterate compared to the rest of them. Atsushi would always reassure you that your writing was amazing,which you appreciated compared to Dazai who would rest his elbow on top of your head and talk about the parts you needed to work on,Thank you Atsushi Fuck you D(ickhead)azi.

🦀Back in homeroom and you've recently been making some small friendships with your classmates,From this you learned more about Dazai,turns out noone is really friends with the guy they'd more describe themselves as “Good acquaintances” with Dazai,They'll talk to Dazai during lunch and have a fun conversation with him but other than that they don't really know anything about him. Some described him as a man whore, Some saw him as a weirdo, and others thought he's just some guy. All three seem like a accurate character profile to you.

🦀You brought tea to the club meeting and everyone liked the tea you prepared!Dazai just began fawning over you and proposed that the two of you go down together like Romeo and Juliet…It's just tea bro calm down its not that serious but hey it's cute or whatever so you roll with his dramatic ass and feed into it.

🦀He casually stands behind you while you're busy trying to write a poem he’ll have one arm resting on the table so that the back of your head is practically against his chest as he critiques the words you use.

🦀….A school festival is happening and we need to prepare?Damn you Atsushi🤠

🦀Well I might as well work with Atsushi-Hm?Annnd Dazai is whining WAIT PUT THAT DOWN DAZAI!

🦀Sorry Atsushi that I can't go home with you and hang out with at park and eat!I have to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself after school!Maybe next time….You say for fourth time this week

🦀During those days you'd spend with Dazai it was actually kinda fun!Did you get much work done?Eehh but you both to eat crab on the pier with your feet ankle deep in the ocean as you two sit there and watch the sunset while laughing about shit that won't matter later. You don't know anything about him but you're content.

🦀You actually got him on task so that the two of you could actually focus on the actual objective. Banner making.

🦀Making a banner for the literature with Dazai in his crumby apartment was an experience. The two of you set the blank banner paper on the living room floor and he just went wild flinging paint everywhere!You,worried,asked him if his parents would get mad at the mess…There was a moment of silence between the two of you before he replied that his parents are always at work so they won't mind in a nonchalant tone. You felt like you shouldn't push further.

🦀Dazai insisted on making something attention gaining but you had to explain that eye catching and people giving your banner stares for being a bit too creative aren't exactly the same

🦀So the two of you had to make a eye catching but not eye buring banner and you two somehow managed to do it?

🦀A light yellow background with yellow polka dots and the words written in cute pastel colors.

🦀It wasn't the vision Dazai had in mind but believe it or not throwing paint on a banner and writing literature club in sharpie isn't exactly cute.

🦀The two of you had to clean up after painting Dazai walked into his kitchen that was eerily empty to wash his hands in the sink. The soap helped the water to remove the paint off his hands,It also helped to get the paint off your hands when you wrapped your arms around his waist to reach the sink to clean your gunky hands,Dazai stiffens for a second only for a second before you could even notice. He smiled at the way your body presses against his back.

🦀After finishing the banner for the school festival you're finally on your way home!It's pretty damn dark out,The street lights are on and everything,You check your phone and see it's 8:30…You aren't gonna get any homework done.

🦀G̶̨̩̗͎̅̿̆̄̒͗̈̿̽̆͂o̴̬̪͈̯̳̥̩̹͊͗̕o̸͙̝͍̤͚̝̗͚͂̒͝d̷͚͓̫̱̲̙̹̩̄��̜̤ ̶̛̹͚͖̱͚̯͈̂̏̐̊́̔͌͐̓̊̒̋͛̚m̸͚̞͎̥̳̑̉̑̈́̈́̓̔͝ǫ̶̖̤̹͙͕̥̩̰̮͎͇̹͎̺̓͂̀̌̈́̑̄̇͛̽͆̍͂̚͠r̸̩̫̗̘̽͐̈́̾͛͐͊͊̓̿̍̓͛̑n̸̺̲͔̰̯̖̓i̸͎̭̔̆̅̋n̴̟̲̪̞̫̭̬͍̥̲̼̯̔̔͗̓̔g̶̠͔̝͙̦̩̮̓͑͌͆́͂̐͊̈́̈́͌̚͝͝-̷̹͇̯̲͚̱͎̞̊̀…̸̢̱͙̤̲̫̗͙̮̯̰̔̾…̷̢͚͔̼͍͎̜̙̖̮̣̪̠̿Ą̴͉̪̯̺̯̘̜͛̚ͅt̵̬̘͇̖̠͍̏́͐͛̊̒̅̈́̑͗͘͜͠͝͠s̷̡̢̺̫̤̲̥̻̙͙̀̏̏̍̓̈́̔̉͛̐̚͘͠ͅͅu̵̢͔͉̱̗̳̙̺͕͉͚̮͛͗̋̆̍s̶̡͉̜̰̦̠̳̳͒̿̐̒̅͑̂͊͒̓͋͘ͅͅh̷̢͓̺͇͖͍̜̐̈͛̈́̓̀͗͑̀̏̂̽́́͜i̷̡̧̬̼͓͈͙̰̖̣͑͌̋̉̓̓̎̀̕͜͜?̵̢̼̮̩͖̥̂͌̄̀͂̓͗̃̂̈́̀̈”̵̢̼͔̗͎̺͙̭͙͕̞̓̈̅̃͆͐̏̉͗̅̕͜

🦀Your train ride to school went as expected,pretty boring,you don't have anyone to walk to school with since you aren't exactly someone with alot of friends you just kinda read manga and stay at home. You just hope nobody tries to get too friendly with you at 8am.

🦀You spilled your way into homeroom,make your way to the back of the class,and sat behind some brunette kid wrapped bandages.

🦀He didn't acknowledge you while you were walking to the desk behind him but now that you are situated in the seat behind him he looks over at you eyes wide,You raise a brow at him before he quickly whips his head back around,Freaky.

🦀You learn from some of the girls in your homeroom who watched it go down that his name is Dazai and that it was strange that he just stared at you and didn't immediately ask you out….Wait what-

🦀This becomes casual for you eventually. It's still weird that this kid you don't care about stares at you randomly but after awhile he actually began conversing with you. He was a….interesting guy to say the least. The first thing he said when he actually began speaking to you was to go out with him…Great now you owe Yosano 20$ for her guessing right. Noone seems to know anything about the guy and noone seems to want to find out…You're one of those people. Don't really wanna know what someone as suicidal as Dazai's upbringing was like.

🦀Despite him being a pretty chill person he would just get randomly deep and edgy,It made you a bit put off by him and you kinda avoided him but Dazai being Dazai just proceeded to suffocate you with his presence more and more

🦀During lunch he always moves to the seat to your left and moves it so it's right up against yours and sit there. Watching you eat,stealing parts of your lunch,laugh and whine when you scold him for stealing your shit,showing you his book about how to commit suicide and suggest suicide methods for the two of you.

🦀Hes fucking crazy.

🦀Whenever the teacher has an assignment that REQUIRES you to work with someone Dazai's eyes sparkle as he whips his head towards you. You immediately turn to the person on your left or practically BEG the teacher to let you work by yourself not wanting to work with this guy and spend anymore time with him than needed.

🦀You start being completely alone in your homeroom. Everyone seems to avoid you or ignore you all of them except Dazai but you don't exactly want him to pay attention to you.

🦀You still talk to him but it's more out of desperation than genuinely wanting to socialize with this crazy ass since nobody else seems to want to interact with you. Fakeass bitches.

🦀It's like luck is on Dazai's side and never yours because during gym class and you have to pick teams you always end up on Dazai's team. It didn't matter what was happening in gym class Dazai was always a few steps away from you. Baseball?He's sitting next to you on the bench. A free day?He's already waiting at your spot on the bleachers.

🦀You talked to gym teacher Sakunosuke about this but he couldn't really do anything about your classmates putting you two on the same teams but whenever he's setting up teams he puts you and Dazai on other teams,whenever Dazai is following you he'll send him to do something else,so Sakunosuke does help whenever he can.

🦀Whenever your taking notes in class and trying to get your education can you guess who's sitting in reverse in his seat and playing with your hair instead? Osamu Dazai that's who!

🦀You’ve texted your friends about his behavior and they also think he's got a few screws loose in the head and best believe you told you're parents and they think he's peculiar.

🦀Thank God you only see him during homeroom.

🦀During school clean up you sat on some stairsteps in a unpopular part of the school reading some manga when a sudden pair of shoes echoed through the halls,You jolted up and grabbed the sponge out of the bucket water and pretend to have been cleaning the entire time,then the walking stopped.

🦀You look up to see a man with neck length black hair with dark purple eyes looking down at you with a kind smile in a all white school uniform. Fyodor is his name and he wants you to join his literature club!Initially hesitant you give in after he explains that his club needs more members to stay open so you decide to attend the club after-school since it's not like you have anything else to do.

🦀Once club hours started you followed Fyodor to the literature club and see Dazai and some ginger guy in there. Great more Dazai.

🦀You walk into the room and it feels like someone is missing….Meh just ignore it!

🦀Speaking of ignoring you completely pretend he doesn't exist but that doesn't stop him from draping himself on top of you using all his bodyweight while whining about how cruel you are for ignoring him even though you keep telling the other two you've never seen this man in your life before.

🦀You wrote you're immature poem and read it out loud all of them praised your hard work but you cant but feel it was pity praise because DAMN they can write poetry maybe literature club shouldn't be your thing buddy.

🦀Dazai and Chuuya are getting into a pretty heated arugment over poetry.What kinda nerd yells about poetry?

🦀Fyodor ushered you out of the classroom and he tells you to wait in the hallway before he walks back into the classroom. After a while Fyodor opens the door and gestures for you to come inside then suddenly Chuuya storms out the class with blood dripping down his chin…these two really threw hands over poetry….Best not to poke at Chuuya unless you want to slapped.

🦀You walk back into the classroom and there's a lingering tension from Dazai even after Chuuya left. You tried asking Dazai how did it escalate to actual physical violence but he keeps dancing around answering.

🦀Fyodor puts a firm hand on Dazai's shoulder and reassures him that Chuuya will forget about it tomorrow.

🦀Chuuya really did forget like Fyodor said!You tried to ask him about his fight with Dazai and he doesn't even remember there being a fight!….Weird

🦀Dazai grabs your arm almost immediately after your conversation with Chuuya finished and begged asked you to read with him,You reluctantly agreed to read his suicide book with him. There was one particular method that he seemed really enthusiastic to try with you,he was just babbling about how beautiful your guy's death would be and how people would write and base stories off of your oh so romantic double suicide for centuries,When he caught a glimpse of your oh so disturbed expresion he stood up with a smile and walked to the hallway saying he needed water.

🦀After he gets back he immediately hands you a poem that's pretty vague and full of weird unexplained concepts. Freaky but better than anything you could make.

🦀Third day and you decide to proof read poems with Chuuya,His poem oddly intimidates you with how fancy and professional it feels, You look up and he wasn't even reading your poem at all!He was just staring at you!Before you could call him out he slips you a folded piece of paper. You open the paper and it flat out tells you to avoid Dazai…You look up from the piece of paper and Chuuya….has no face tells you to ignore the piece of paper he gave you and tells you to spend time with Fyodor…

🦀You tried to talk to Fyodor about it but insists that you spending time with Dazai only enables his behavior and that you should just stick with him.

🦀When you read your poem out loud to the club they compliment your work Dazai is the only one who asks you if he can take yours home with him and if you want to read his poem to yourself.

🦀You take his poem and read it…You swear that's blood and…other bodily fluids on it...

🦀When you finish reading he's all up in your face asking if you liked it and explains its about a man and his mistress tying themselves together and drowning together and that he put his smell on the poem. He runs off saying he has to vomit before you can even properly understand what he just said.

🦀A argument started between the 3 men about who you should prepare for the festival with. You end up picking Fyodor so far he's the only sane person in this damn hell literature club.

🦀Dazai goes quiet before he locks Fyodor and Chuuya out of the classroom leaving you two alone.

🦀He confesses his love to you and apologies for his behavior and that he just didn't know how to process his feelings for you and him being annoying was how he dealt with them.

🦀“OH GOD OH FUCK DAZAI STOP PLEASE”

🍷The hallway crush

🍷You'd always see him at his shoe cupboard in the morning, you never knew the name of the short copper hair beauty but he was a pretty sight that's for sure, and to be honest the less you know about him the better.

🍷You'd sometimes walk near him on the way to class though his classroom was on the third floor and yours was on the first floor so you'd just walk in the same general direction before he went up the stairs.

🍷He never really acknowledged you maybe it was because he genuinely didn't notice you, maybe because he had friends that he'd be talking to on the way to class, it could be really be whatever reason but it doesn't really matter

🍷You learned the guys name during lunch through Dazai. Chuuya Nakahara. He said Chuuya suffered from a Napoleon complex…that couldn't possibly be true.

🍷He must be pretty fast because despite you being on the first floor and him being on the third floor he'd always be out the school before you so you'd always end up looking at his back as he walked off of school property and hop into a sleek black car and be driven off. Damn he must be rich.

🍷Everyone knew little to nothing about him,He was a new student too but unlike you who actually opened up to some people so people knew shit but nobody even knows where he came from or what school he attended before coming here or even his childhood town.

🍷You tried to ask Atsushi about him but he was just as oblivious to the guy as you were hell he didn't even know who you were talking about until when you two were walking home together you pointed at him.

🍷He was a popular hallway crush alot of the girls in your class said he was their hallway crush so you weren't the only person who saw the appeal in him and his grey eyes.

🍷So imagine your reaction when during a school assembly in the gym Dazai's description of Napoleon complex was right. You were a good four rows behind him so you dont know what lead up to this but he just got up and decked the guy nexted to him in the face!The fight that happened between the two of them was terrible but Dazai who was next to you had the same reaction as you. A smile. Chuuya looked even prettier when he was beating the fuck out of some guy. If he survives this fight you might actually ask him out it'd be nice to date someone who is so fearless and strong but sadly the teachers had to break up the fight before it could get really bloody(as if Chuuya's knuckles weren't covered in the other guys blood)

🍷Maybe you two could fight together.

🍷When everyone went back to class they were talking about the fight that happened and we're already spreading rumors as to why it started but you still had heart eyes for Chuuya and were still enamored by his actions meanwhile Dazai seemed annoyed your love dazed state and poked fun at you for it as a way to get you to forget about Chuuya and to focus on him instead….and it worked you immediately tried to defend yourself as to why you were crushing so hard on Chuuya despite knowing jackshit about him causing Dazai to smirk to see your heart eyes gone and on him.

🍷You thought it was strange how the next day after the fight,despite the teachers seeing that Chuuya threw the first punch and there having been blood spilled, he was still here wasn't suspended or anything meanwhile the guy he punched in the face is nowhere to be seen. Did he bribe the school or something?

🍷You ignored the obvious blaring red flag as you watched him from the corner of your eye not wanting to bother him as he is swarmed by his friends and classmates who were asking him about the fight and you didn't want to become apart of the mini crowd happening around him,You just felt so drawn to him yet it was like there was never a good opportunity to interact with him.

🍷After that it was almost like everyday he'd open his shoe cupboard and a brand new love letter would be inside,He'd never react when seeing these letters they'd just end up getting shoved into his bag while his friends hyped him up in the background,You never put one inside his shoe cupboard because of this.

🍷Even though some of the girls in your class encouraged you to do it you decided not to,Not only because you don't know the guy that well but also Dazai said that Chuuya would reject you either way. Thanks.

🍷Your eyes are locked onto Chuuya's back as you and Atsushi leave school together,Not hearing anything Atsushi is saying just being hypnotized by the way his red hair blew in the wind and the perfect way the sun's rays hit him…then he got into his car.

🍷This guy you don't know has got your heart in a fucking swirl.

🍷One of the girls from your class sent his Instagram account into the groupchat!Creepy but you checked out his Instagram so you aren't really better than em. His Instagram didn't have much on there besides a few photos of food and wine. Dammit. Not even a beach photo with him shirtless?Really?

🍷You tried to push Yosano for any information about him since she's apart of the Armed Student Council….Turns out she doesn't know much about him either she recommended that you ask Principal Fukuzawa or Vice principal Kunikida but that just feels obsessive for a simple hallway crush. She even recommended you just talk to him!What does she think you are!?Normal?

🍷Asking Dazai….was a waste of time he just teased you for asking him and when he finally heard your annoyed pleas for him to stop he just listed a bunch of negative stuff about Chuuya saying he had anger issues, he was a prick,and saying Chuuya was a alcoholic(despite Dazai being a alcoholic but whatever.)

🍷…Atsushi what are you a nerd?What is a literature club?I don't think I've ever raised a pen.

🍷You mainly agreed to go with him for the cupcakes and tea but you also decided to attend with him for his happiness,He seems really passionate about this whole literature thing and you wanna support your friend.

🍷When you arrived at the club room with him he introduced you to the club members and yes Dazai was being dramatic about not knowing who you are one knee on the ground and everything, and that definitely should've caught your attention, but your eyes kept darting to Chuuya who was sitting at a desk reading only raising his head when Atsushi announced you as the newest member .

🍷Chuuya is here?Maybe a literature club isn't COMPLETELY nerdy .

🍷You mainly clung to Atsushi’s side during this club meeting since he was the only person you'd say you knew but you kept sneaking a glance at Chuuya nearly everytime you went to take sip of tea that Dazai generously provided for all of you. Chuuya didn't really seem to notice the way your pupils would dilate whenever you'd lay your sights on him…mostly because he was busy glaring Dazai down despite Dazai minding his business…Probably just some untold beef that happened you're unaware of and shouldn't stick your nose is.

🍷The day after this first club meeting Chuuya gave you a little nod of acknowledgement at the cupboard to show “Yeah I recognize you, Don't know you enough to say hello and wave, but it'd be rude to not acknowledge you so I'm just gonna do the bare minimum”

🍷Some of the girls in your class saw this exchange and bombarded you with questions about Chuuya but luckily Dazai and Yosano managed to push back the crowd of girls that was circling you.

🍷Though Yosano and Dazai did tease you for it. Thanks guys😒

🍷Due to your stupid little crush on this guy you ended up writing a poem around him unaware that you'd have to read it outloud to the rest of the club. Stupid teenage puppy love bullshit.

🍷You sat with Chuuya by the closet in the club room reading manga and you ended up learning something about him! Turns out he reads manga occasionally when he's bored!Nice to see he has some form of interests.

🍷When you read your poem out to the club everyone seemed to know who the poem was centered around and made comments hinting that “Yeah.We know.” meanwhile the guy the poem was about had his arms crossed with his face aimed towards the ground along with his leg bouncing up and down with his only reply to the poem was saying it was alright… A win is a win.

🍷After your turn Dazai and Chuuya were next. Chuuya said Dazai's was just okay…and Dazai called Chuuya's edgy. Can't have shit in this literature club. They start arguing over poetry🤦🏽‍♂️

🍷You just keep glancing at Fyodor wanting him to step in or something while Chuuya accuses of Dazai just trying to impress you Dazai's reply is that Chuuya's just jealous that you like his poem more.

🍷You agree with Chuuya but groan at Chuuya being too proud and explains your reasoning to Dazai who seems chill with it .

🍷Chuuya actually waves to you the next day at the shoe cupboard…You could already feel your classmates eyes burning into the back of your head…..The classroom gossip is gonna be crazy.

🍷“Are you guys hooking up?” “Is this a secret romance between the two of you?” “Is this like a Romeo and Juliet situation and that's why you two are dating in secret?” “Obviously you guys are engaged in a arranged marriage right?” “Is he your sugar daddy or something?” “I don't think that's how sugar daddies work” “Haruno I love you but sssshhhh”

🍷This time Yosano and Dazai just watched in amusement while you were trying to answer all your classmates questions. What great friends you have.

🍷You gotta be kidding me. Fyodor put all the manga on the top shelf to “clean”….. fuck you dude you know my abilityless ass isnt reaching that shit you just wanna see me struggle. Luckily Chuuya's ability helped with this to get the box of manga down. You just lean against Chuuya's side when you two got the box down and he doesn't acknowledge it other than sliver of a smile creep onto his face at the physical contact .

🍷During this club meaning Dazai asked if you were mad at him for the last club meeting and a very awkward conversation between the two of you started…So awkward infact that you left Dazai alone so that the two of you couldn't even share poems….Extremely awkward that you hoped Dazai's suicide book would actually give him a good painless way to go.

🍷Atsushi seems…down today you tried to ask him about it during club knowing his past and all but he brushed you off. Since he didn't want to talk to you about it you had to make a choice Dazai doesn't seem uh…there to try and talk to Atsushi, Chuuya doesn't really seem to interact much with Atsushi so would it really feel okay to send him, Fyodor is the president of the literature club and Atsushi is the vice president so they must've interacted plenty before you joined plus he's level headed enough so Fyodor it is!

🍷Fyodor hasn't seen any change in Atsushi but he still goes and checks up on him which is sweet :)

🍷You went over to Chuuya since it has become a pretty normal thing for you to talk to him in club. You try to mention Atsushi with Chuuya but he seems almost ticked off by this through his eyes narrowing and folding his arms, To try and not have him get piss and punch the lights out of Atsushi like that guy at the assembly you explain the situation in more detail, luckily he chills out and let's you know that since Atsushi is your best friend (and not your love interest.) If he had a problem he'd talk to ya about it.

🍷Chuuya likes the poem you made!That's great! Hey Chuuya can I read yours- what do you mean it's shitty?

🍷After much convincing he finally tosses his poem at you and……it's about you…It's about longing that's sweet :)

🍷You tried to give it back but Chuuya turned his head away from you and waved his hand saying to just keep it

🍷Putting the poem in your pocket you go and try to talk to Dazai but he just kinda backs off of you…Hm that's weird he hasn't offered you a date yet.

🍷You try and go to talk to Atsushi after you see Fyodor leave his side, Atsushi clearly has something on his mind. He let's you know that he knows your poem wasn't about but FOR Chuuya then before you could push further he left with the excuse of needing to get some rest…

🍷……A-…..A festival?

🍷Fyodor almost immediately after Atsushi left mentions this festival now how he and Atsushi will be in charge of making pamphlets for the club, Dazai is making the banner(oh god…), and Chuuya is baking cupcakes

🍷“You bake?” “Shut up.” “No I find it cute actually.”

🍷Not wanting to be useless for once you pick to work with Chuuya despite him saying he can do it by himself Chuuya seems happy.

🍷Dazai gets really passive aggressive for no reason saying he was used to working alone and shit.

🍷Sorry Atsushi that I can't go home with you and hang out with at park and eat!I have to make sure Dazai doesn't kill himself after school!Maybe next time….You say for fourth time this week.

🍷After checking up on Dazai and making sure he wasn't dead….again. You headed over to the address Chuuya gave you and you end up infront a basic suburban house with a green tree in the yard. He isn't a rich boy? You notice that the black car Chuuya is drove in after school isn't parked maybe his parents are at work?

🍷When Chuuya let you in you noticed how… clean the place was, It felt more like a place you'd rent for the vacation than stay in long term kinda clean, you asked Chuuya about his parents and turns out his parents are always working!…..Then who picks him up in the balck car after school?Now that you think about it it's weird that theres no family photos up not even childhood drawings…

🍷Is-….Is this even his house-

🍷Pusing those thoughts to the back of your head Chuuya already has the ingredients for the cupcakes out and ready. He tosses you a grey apron and puts on a nice red apron and you can't help but stare as he ties his hair back into a small little ponytail and how his hands tie his apron around his waist, If Chuuya didn't think your staring was cute he would have let you know that he knows you're staring at him.

🍷You played your favorite playlist as the two of you were baking well more like Chuuya, He tried explaining what to do but you were busy bumping to the music from your phone and sure he was frustrated but he was also infatuated enough with you that MAYBE he'll let this slide.

🍷You did help obviously you aren't just trying to bounce around his house like some dickhead you of course helped with making the frosting.

🍷Once Chuuya put the cupcakes in the oven to bake and you put the bowl of icing to the side, you grabbed Chuuya's hand and encouraged him to dance along with the song playing but Chuuya kept saying no in a seemingly serious tone but soon he cracked into chuckling out no and instead he dipped one of his fingers into the icing the smeared it against your forehead….That's why your now chasing him around the kitchen island now-

🍷You somehow chased him into the living room and pushed him onto the couch getting a “what the hell” outta him and you should be saying the same thing because damn how'd you catch him💀

🍷He backed up on the couch the moment you landed on the other side damn near crushing his legs but before he could leap off the couch you managed to grab his wrist and lick the frosting off the finger he had icing on. His face was red and he was completely silent, he shifted his position on the couch and scooch over to you so that he's able to lick the icing he smudged on your forehead;

🍷After finishing baking and decorating the cupcakes for the school festival you're finally on your way home!It's pretty damn dark out,The street lights are on and everything,You check your phone and see it's 8:30…You aren't gonna get any homework done.

🍷G̶̨̩̗͎̅̿̆̄̒͗̈̿̽̆͂o̴̬̪͈̯̳̥̩̹͊͗̕o̸͙̝͍̤͚̝̗͚͂̒͝d̷̨͚͓̫̱̲̙̹̩̜̤̄ ̶̛̹͚͖̱͚̯͈̂̏̐̊́̔͌͐̓̊̒̋͛̚m̸͚̞͎̥̳̑̉̑̈́̈́̓̔͝ǫ̶̖̤̹͙͕̥̩̰̮͎͇̹͎̺̓͂̀̌̈́̑̄̇͛̽͆̍͂̚͠r̸̩̫̗̘̽͐̈́̾͛͐͊͊̓̿̍̓͛̑n̸̺̲͔̰̯̖̓i̸͎̭̔̆̅̋n̴̟̲̪̞̫̭̬͍̥̲̼̯̔̔͗̓̔g̶̠͔̝͙̦̩̮̓͑͌͆́͂̐͊̈́̈́͌̚͝͝-̷̹͇̯̲͚̱͎̞̊̀…̸̢̱͙̤̲̫̗͙̮̯̰̔̾…̷̢͚͔̼͍͎̜̙̖̮̣̪̠̿Ą̴͉̪̯̺̯̘̜͛̚ͅt̵̬̘͇̖̠͍̏́͐͛̊̒̅̈́̑͗͘͜͠͝͠s̷̡̢̺̫̤̲̥̻̙͙̀̏̏̍̓̈́̔̉͛̐̚͘͠ͅͅu̵̢͔͉̱̗̳̙̺͕͉͚̮͛͗̋̆̍s̶̡͉̜̰̦̠̳̳͒̿̐̒̅͑̂͊͒̓͋͘ͅͅh̷̢͓̺͇͖͍̜̐̈͛̈́̓̀͗͑̀̏̂̽́́͜i̷̡̧̬̼͓͈͙̰̖̣͑͌̋̉̓̓̎̀̕͜͜?̵̢̼̮̩͖̥̂͌̄̀͂̓͗̃̂̈́̀̈”̵̢̼͔̗͎̺͙̭͙͕̞̓̈̅̃͆͐̏̉͗̅̕͜

🍷Your train ride to school went as expected,pretty boring,you don't have anyone to walk to school with since you aren't exactly someone with alot of friends you just kinda read manga and stay at home. You just hope nobody tries to get too friendly with you at 8am.

🍷When you were putting your shoes away in your shoe cupboard a head of orange hair appeared in the corner of your eye you glanced over put you couldn't get a good look at the person's face due to them having their head down while taking off their shoes.

🍷The patter of loafers is all you hear until that same blotch of orange shows up in your peripheral vision walking to class. You look over at him and see his side profile….so pretty….The sound of shoes disappeared as time slowed down as you watch him head up the stairs to his class…

🍷So yeah best believe you texted your friends about him immediately when you got home, took them awhile to respond because of time zone but you wished you didn't tell them cause as friends do they clowned on you for this but hey you go I guess💀

🍷Next time you saw him at the shoe cupboard you managed to sneak a picture of him, not a good one but it was a picture, sending it to the groupchat was a mistake like not them agreeing and yall wanting to take him away from you🤨(Chuuya doesn't even know you exist)

🍷The mummy guy who sat infront of you during glass, Dazai, suddenly grabs your phone and plays keep away with it as he read the texts between you and your friends…He tossed your phone back to you and warned you that you should avoid Chuuya if you want to stay outta trouble and that he's a shady guy…but hes hot with a fancy black car :(

🍷Hell some of your classmates joined in and started taking pictures of him and showing you them in class/sending them just to tease you a bit

🍷 “This yo man🤨?” “……That's a whole ass leprechaun-”

🍷Even your parents started getting the idea when they went to your room to check if you were sleeping at like 11 just to see you under the covers on your phone texting your friends about this random guy who doesn't even know you exist with your legs kicking.

🍷Yosano entertained this crush of yours and hell she even said she'll try to use her position in the Armed Student Council to find out stuf about this guy for you!

🍷Dazai simply waved off your crush on Chuuya saying “It's just a puppy love you'll get over it in a week” and discouraged Yosano to not bother looking into him saying “It's just a little thing [NAME] will get over it in a week” Way to be supportive Dazai😐

🍷You can't help but feel stupid whenever you think about this guy and all the imagined scenarios in your head that put a goofy little smile on your face that just has your friends, classmates, and family poking fun….besides Dazai-

🍷He's just the kinda guy that has you giggling and screaming into your pillows while your parents are downstairs in the living room mildly concerned.

🍷If it was possible you'd have a wobbly smile with hearts in your eyes and heart beating out of your chest.

🍷Planning your wedding with him on a whole pinterest board like a giddy cartoon character with a crush.

🍷During school clean up you sat on some stairsteps in a unpopular part of the school reading some manga and your phone featuring the imaginary wedding inbetween the pages keeping the book open when a sudden pair of shoes echoed through the halls,You jolted up and grabbed the sponge out of the bucket water and pretend to have been cleaning the entire time,then the walking stopped.

🍷You look up to see a man with neck length black hair with dark purple eyes looking down at you with a kind smile in a all white school uniform. Fyodor is his name and he wants you to join his literature club!Initially hesitant you give in after he explains that his club needs more members to stay open so you decide to attend the club after-school since it's not like you have anything else to do.

🍷Once club hours started you followed Fyodor to the literature club and see Dazai and future hubby😍

🍷The club room was nice and cozy, it was warm and the sun coming in through the windows made the environment so calming, but the room feels empty…Sure you,Fyodor,Dazai,and Chuuya are all here and the room is full of desks yet you can't shake of the feeling that something is missing even though you've never been in this room before…

🍷Best let it not get to you!

🍷You wrote a amateur poem and read it out to your fellow club members with Chuuya giving you very reluctant compliments you can tell he's just being polite, Dazai being so over the top that you can't tell if hes making fun of you or not, and Fydor being so calm that you can't tell if he hates your poem. Note to self pay attention in writing class more.

🍷Dazai and Chuuya are getting into a pretty heated arugment over poetry.What kinda nerd yells about poetry?

🍷Fyodor ushered you out of the classroom and you he tells you wait in the hallway before he walks back into the classroom. After a while Fyodor opens the door and gestures for you to come inside then suddenly Chuuya storms out the class with blood dripping down his chin…these two really threw hands over poetry….Best not to poke at Chuuya unless you want to slapped .

🍷You're shocked cause how have go be pretty lame to get into a physical altercation OVER POETRY.

🍷You walk back into the classroom and there's a lingering tension from Dazai even after Chuuya left. You tried asking Dazai how did it escalate to actual physical violence but he keeps dancing around answering.

🍷A wave of shock hits you, the last time you saw Chuya get into a fight was like 4 weeks ago during a assembly and the last guy couldn't even get a hit in so the fact that DAZAI. THAT FREAK WAS ABLE TO LAY A HAND ON HIM?

🍷Talk about underestimating.

🍷Fyodor puts a firm hand on Dazai's shoulder and reassures him that Chuuya will forget about it tomorrow.

🍷Chuuya really did forget like Fyodor said!You tried to talk to him about his fight with Dazai and he doesn't even remember there being a fight!….Weird, From their interactions in the club that you've seen Dazai really got a rise got out if Chuuya so you're suprised that Chuuya didn't even seem to care.

🍷You decided to trade poems with Chuuya!You read his and he reads yours!….You thought you were bad at poems but damn!Chuuya didn't even put words it was just numbers and letters it looked like code from those movies or something.

🍷Looking up at Chuuya to question what he just gave you you see….oh god is that blood? Stop it! GETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAYGETAWAY

🍷Third day and you decide to proof read poems with Chuuya,His poem oddly intimidates you with how fancy and professional it feels, You look up and he wasn't even reading your poem at all!He was just staring at you!Before you could call him out he slips you a folded piece of paper. You open the paper and it flat out tells you to avoid Dazai…You look up from the piece of paper and Chuuya….has no face tells you to ignore the piece of paper he gave you and tells you to spend time with Fyodor…

🍷You tried to talk to Fyodor about it sure you find Dazai weird but hes sure as hell needs hep but Fydor insists that you sending time with Dazai only enables his behavior and that you should just stick with him and he tells you to just forget about it. Forget about Dazai.

🍷When you read your poem out loud to the club they compliment your work Dazai is the only one who asks you if he can take yours home with him and if you want to read his poem to yourself.

🍷You take his poem and read it…You swear that's blood and…other bodily fluids on it

🍷During this exchange you kept glancing from his poem and looking past his shoulder. Chuuya was giving you look of disapproval and concern before he eventually completely averted his gaze from you

🍷When you finish reading he's all up in your face asking if you liked it and explains its about a man and his mistress tying themselves together and drowning together and that he put his smell on the poem. He runs off saying he has to vomit before you can even properly understand what he just said.

🍷A argument started between the 3 men about who you should prepare for the festival with. You end up picking Fyodor so far he's the only sane person in this damn hell literature club

🍷Dazai goes quiet before he locks Fyodor and Chuuya out of the classroom leaving you two alone. Chuuya was cussing Dazai out from the other side of the door demanding to be let in and that he doesn't trust Dazai to be alone with you.

🍷The yelling stops suddenly. Chuuya was mid yelling before it went quiet…

🍷He confesses his love to you and apologies for his behavior and that he just didn't know how to process his feelings for you and him being annoying was how he dealt with them

🍷“OH GOD OH FUCK DAZAI STOP PLEASE”

🐀The club president

🐀In the beginning, there was darkness.

🐀A formless dark void.

🐀And then a voice boomed “Let there be light!” and there was light.

🐀Not much of a memory he can recall from, can't even remember what he had for breakfast or what he learned in class today, He just remembers the club room.

🐀The sweet boring club room.

🐀It was just him, Dazai, and Chuuya. He doesn't remember how he knows them or how he met them but they were apart of his club…that he has no recollection of starting .

🐀Then his vice president, Atsushi, walked in with…you.

🐀Your hair, your body, your voice, all things that belong to a monster. You.

🐀He enjoys your existence. Always acting innocent to everyone when he can read your soul.

🐀He likes having someone such as yourself in his club.

🐀He let's you stay in hope that you'll stop going down the route your on and turn to him.

🐀Yet you keep up with your ways.

🐀Continuing to present yourself to other like youre worth nothing. That's why you agreed to attend the literature club with Atsushi you heard there'd be attention. He sees right through you siren.

🐀You reading with him is clearly you buttering him up you're playing the long game from what he observed. Well played.

🐀But you don't know that he knows this. That he knows that you're actively trying to deceive him. He just sips the tea Dazai made and reads his book all while you're toying with your food for entertainment like the disgusting creature but he won't give into your act, a man such as himself should never entertain a dog unless he wants to meet his end.

🐀The way your lips flapped when you shared your poem made him want to vomit. Your poem was terrible yet he gave you praise, to stay civil with you.

🐀Your mouth is filthy. It doesn't matter what you're saying it all sounds dirty by a mouth tainted by the devil. One of God's worst creations. That's the only way to explain YOU.

🐀As much as he's unamused at how dirty you are he understands that poor souls like you need proper guidance.

🐀Your uncleanness was appealing and if he must take advantage of you to use your evil for himself he will.

🐀You stepped out the room.

🐀In a blink of a eye his vision went dark and he was back in the classroom repeating the same thing… Drink tea, read, write poetry,and read poem out loud.

🐀pick him let him help you

🐀Dazai and Chuuya get into a argument about poetry and drag you into it only makes him loathe you more with you acting as some sort of madonna and managing to convince everyone of it makes him irritated. He only watches as you manage to break up the fight.

🐀Its all black again.

🐀He disappears again until he's needed again.

🐀He can't remember anything…

🐀Other than the face…It was pure…On the other side of the screen….not inside the simulation. The only thing that is real.

🐀And he's back in the club room with Chuuya, Dazai, and Atsushi everyone and everything feels flat. 2D like paper cut outs. They aren't real…besides you.

🐀Your avatar walks in, he can see you inside the eye of your avatar, and he sees the avatar look at Atsushi and walk up to him…

🐀When your avatar walks up to him and asks him to check on Atsushi for you he agrees. So that you be distracted with spending time with the others and he could…mess with Atsushi at bit .

🐀Fyodor wished he could spend time with you but he needed the others out of the way first if he wanted to reach out to you. You two are the only two that are real.

🐀He left after he was certain he was done messing with Atsushi and went back to his usual spot and sat to drink the flavorless flat tea and blank weightless book right on time since your avatar immediately goes to Atsushi.

🐀He felt a sense of pride when he watches Atsushi drag himself out of the classroom. It worked.

🐀When Atsushi left he swiftly switches your attention onto him making sure to keep eye contact with your avatar so that he can see you.

🐀He lets you know that he and Atsushi were going to be making pamphlets for the festival, Chuuya was going to be baking, and Dazai was going to be banner making. He felt his digital heart boom when you agreed to work with him on the pamphlets. Finally just some one on one time.

🐀But Dazai and Chuuya shut it down since he already has a partner, Atsushi, to help him.

🐀….They just sealed their fates.

🐀When you left the class room and black came back into his vision. He immediately made it his goal to mess with Atsushi more to get him out the picture then get the others.

🐀The two of you are married under the eyes of God. Jesus was able to help Mary Magdalene. He'll he able to save your damned soul. That's why he's sentient.

🐀G̶̨̩̗͎̅̿̆̄̒͗̈̿̽̆͂o̴̬̪͈̯̳̥̩̹͊͗̕o̸͙̝͍̤͚̝̗͚͂̒͝d̷̨͚͓̫̱̲̙̹̩̜̤̄ ̶̛̹͚͖̱͚̯͈̂̏̐̊́̔͌͐̓̊̒̋͛̚m̸͚̞͎̥̳̑̉̑̈́̈́̓̔͝ǫ̶̖̤̹͙͕̥̩̰̮͎͇̹͎̺̓͂̀̌̈́̑̄̇͛̽͆̍͂̚͠r̸̩̫̗̘̽͐̈́̾͛͐͊͊̓̿̍̓͛̑n̸̺̲͔̰̯̖̓i̸͎̭̔̆̅̋n̴̟̲̪̞̫̭̬͍̥̲̼̯̔̔͗̓̔g̶̠͔̝͙̦̩̮̓͑͌͆́͂̐͊̈́̈́͌̚͝͝-̷̹͇̯̲͚̱͎̞̊̀…̸̢̱͙̤̲̫̗͙̮̯̰̔̾…̷̢͚͔̼͍͎̜̙̖̮̣̪̠̿Ą̴͉̪̯̺̯̘̜͛̚ͅt̵̬̘͇̖̠͍̏́͐͛̊̒̅̈́̑͗͘͜͠͝͠s̷̡̢̺̫̤̲̥̻̙͙̀̏̏̍̓̈́̔̉͛̐̚͘͠ͅͅu̵̢͔͉̱̗̳̙̺͕͉͚̮͛͗̋̆̍s̶̡͉̜̰̦̠̳̳͒̿̐̒̅͑̂͊͒̓͋͘ͅͅh̷̢͓̺͇͖͍̜̐̈͛̈́̓̀͗͑̀̏̂̽́́͜i̷̡̧̬̼͓͈͙̰̖̣͑͌̋̉̓̓̎̀̕͜͜?̵̢̼̮̩͖̥̂͌̄̀͂̓͗̃̂̈́̀̈”̵̢̼͔̗͎̺͙̭͙͕̞̓̈̅̃͆͐̏̉͗̅̕͜

🐀He’s been in the code. He knows everything that happens and he's tampered with it enough that'll make you gravitate towards him but also not scare you away.

🐀He wrote his poem to specifically for you turn to him,you two are meant to be, let him out.

🐀He felt nothing when Chuuya and Dazai gave you their poems considering he knew what would happen to them and that soon you'll only be able to interact with him.

🐀He was calm when he ushered you out of the club room due to the fight between Chuuya and Dazai, something he planned to happen, he counted for the exact amount of time it his head that he coded and on cue Chuuya stormed out he was already waiting for what to happen next.

🐀And it happened Chuuya forgot everything about the fight that Fyodor scripted.

🐀Fyodor wrote another poem. Eve trying to convince Adam to bite the apple for her.

🐀Please help him. Don't fall for the snakes.

🐀You're coming to him, Finally ignoring the non existent fictional characters and coming to him. Everything is going just as planned to freak you out into his arms. Faceless Chuuya gave a shock? Weirded out by the bodily fluids on Dazai's poems?Don't worry he's here and normal. The normal option. The real option.

🐀You care for Dazai yes?He's your friend so don't enable this behavior of his. The more time you spend with him the more you're supporting him. Just forget about it. Forget about him. Forget about everyone.

🐀Look at his behavior towards you!It's disturbing. Depraved. You wouldn't want his poem fluids to get more alarming would you?Because he can up the extremity if needed.

🐀You have to pick Fyodor for the festival now. He's coded that you physically can't pick anyone but him. He just feels his digital stomach flip when you pick him. He can finally speak to a real person. Not just someone who's a bunch of code like Dazai and Chuuya.

🐀They were finally dealt with.

🐀“OH GOD OH FUCK DAZAI STOP PLEASE”

🐀Its just him and your avatar. Him staring into your avatars eyes and at you. He explains that all this was inevitable that it was meant to happen. God didn't make him self aware for no reason. For no purpose. He's meant to be with you. He had to ruin the others files for you to focus on him and it worked. Now your eyes are on him. DELETE?

[imaginespazzi]

First game of the season down (guys it's literally March Madness already) and as per usual I have thoughts for the three people who actually read my long ramblings tee hee :)

SARAH. STRONG.

JANA. EL. ALFY.

That's it those are my thoughts. MY POST DUO IS GONNA LEAD US TO THE FUCKING NATTY YOU GUYS.

But to expand a little more, I thought I was impressed by Sarah at the exhibition but oh my god I'm something more than impressed tonight. She just doesn't look like a freshman. Beyond just being naturally good at the sport, she's just so insanely smart, and watching her play is just beautiful.

My Egyptian queen, the 8th wonder of the world. A DOUBLE-DOUBLE OFF THE BENCH. And guess what, she's only gonna get better. Listen it's an exhibition and no one matched her size and so it'll be interesting to see what she does against real competition but like I always say hustle translate and Jana has plenty of it.

Paige Bueckers statsheet stuffer extraordinaire strikes again. As per usual she did a little bit of everything to lead this team to success. If I have to deal with the Passive P narrative every time (especially because it's an inherently flawed narrative that one day I will do a proper rant on) she doesn't score 40, I might lose my mind. And honestly expecting her to tire herself out with that aggression in games like this is simply not worth it.

Kaitlyn and Ashlynn both did what they were supposed to do. Again, the competition was mediocre and they played like good players on the better team. I do think Kaitlyn should have more than 3 shots in a game but again this game isn't a great indicator. Ash disappeared a little in the 2nd half but again not a great indicator and I really liked the 3 steals so hopefully that is an indication of steady growth on defense.

KK BLOCK!!! We love to see it. She looked really aggressive out there and I think she's going to be a really good spark off the bench for us.

Ice played okay but it's a really simple math thing here. 17 and 11 vs 4 and 2 like it's really just common sense. She also makes some really questionable decisions sometimes and the finishing wasn't great. Experience is a good thing but the numbers are what they are and I think it's pretty self-explanatory who should be starting.

Morgan and Allie are shooters and I love to see it. Girlies did what they were supposed to do and hopefully they get substantial minutes against real competition as well.

My more general thought about the game is that it was basically a tale of two halves. First half UConn was great and that team is a very complete team who has a very high ceiling. Second half UConn, but more specifically that third quarter UConn, well that was the same team we saw in the exhibition. Again, this is a new team and it will take time put a perfect 40 minutes together. But scoring droughts like that should not be happening against a team like BU and they absolutely cannot happen against better competition.

ALSO LAYUPS UCONN PLEASE

Azzi and Aubrey both participated in warmups and it's like sunshine and rainbows in my mind :)

[writingoddess1125]

More papa buggy, maybe him teaching the twins how to properly use there new powers?

Such a cute idea!! I love this!

Breathe and- OW!!

Check out the old men Masterlist

Buy me a Ko-Fi?

Buggy stared at his sons and took a deep breath to calm himself-

"Alright let's try this again- Breathe and focus you should feel a unique sencation as your devil fruit activates"

He instructed, Watching how Dee was doing as he was told and Bee was looking around distracted and clearly not paying attention.

Buggy had never realized how little his patients could be or how he hadn't been murdered by his mentor when he was this age-

With the twins new devil fruit powers he had insisted on taking up the task of training them- While their powers were different from his the simple idea of how to use them should be easy enough- yeah no.

"But I'm tired!" Bee wined, laying on the ground of the ship as Dee looked at his brother and kicked him.

"Stop being a baby!" "You're the baby!!" The boys started to nicker back and forth and throw punches- Buggy floating his hands over to pull them off each other and hold them in the air.

"Both of you stop fighting!" It looked like a three way argument from most peoples perspectives. Walking upstairs you couldn't help but snort at the sight of the three bluettes.

Buggy turned back to look at you as you stepped out with a smile. Buggy still holding the fighting twins by the scruff of their shirts in air jail- giggling at the sight. It was like a frustrated dog trying to get its puppy's to wind down.

"You doing okay?" You chime softly, Buggy giving you a Goofy smile.

"Hey Doll!~" He says cheerfully, you two had started to go steady. While you guys were at square one in terms of relationship it was still going very well, including trying to parent together.

"Yeah just doing some training an-OW! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" Buggy yelled out as he dropped the boys and held his nose as turned around cursing a storm stomping his foot hard. Bee accidently punching his father since Buggy hadn't been paying attention and his hands gradually floated back to their natural positions.

"Buggy are you alright!?" You yell and walk over to the whining Captian who had tears in his eyes- Both twins wide eyed at this and Bee wincing at punching his father so hard.

"Sorry..."

"Fine! I'm fine!" He yelled as he stood up wiggling his sore nose and looking to the twins.

"Alright let's go ya little brats!" Buggy yelled as he pulled out some wooden swords. Handing one to each boy and taking a smaller one himself.

"We are going to be doing sword practice next! Got it!" Bee looked more interested in this but looked at the wooden stick in confusion.

"But this is a stick-" He pointed out, Buggy rubbing his temple.

"Yes its a stick... I'm not going to train my kids with real swords" Buggy gritted out. Dee rolling his eyes.

"Yeah stupid he isn't trying to kill us!" Bee smacked Dee with the stick.

"Don't call me stupid! Idiot!" That started to two bickering again and Buggy took the opportunity to float his hand behind them and wack both of them on the behinds with the stick making them yelp and look to Buggy who looked ready to kick them into the ocean.

"Focus! Now lets begin!"

You watched as Buggy trained the boys, correcting their form, showing them how to stand and more so. While he never used swords personally he did know how to use them and was using this to help guide them. He was actually fairly skilled and knew what he was doing which genuinely surprised you.

The boys in truth were getting their asses handed to them- however greatly improving it seemed with each passing round. Buggy detaching his torso to fly around and essentially use himself like a floating target.

"And Remeber you're pirates! You can play dirty!" Buggy yelled as Bee blocked the left hit from the wooden sword, Buggy using his floating torso to keep a pressure on them- Dee seemed to perk up at hearing this, silently slipping behind his father as Bee kept up trying to hit the floating target.

You should have seen it coming- you really should have. The twinkle of mischief in Dee's eye and how he stalked towards his Father's lower body still just standing there.

Before you could yell out to stop Dee it was too late- Buggy turned his head as Dee slammed the wooden sword right inbetween his father's legs a harsh cracking sound and a shiver that went over the adult man's body like a cat getting its tail stepped on.

"Gah!-" He choked out as foam left his mouth and his upper body collapsed on the deck floor. Tears rolling down his face as his lower body fell to its knees and was shaking-

"Balls... my damn balls..." Buggy choked out, you quickly rushing over to your partner. The twins celebrating as they believed they had won the sparing match with their father. Which technically they had- In seconds Buggy's was out cold and you sent the boys away and proceeded to have Cabaji help you take the passed out Captian to the lower quarters and ship doctor.

An hour later after the doctor gave Buggy a check up and you scolded the boys for such a dirty trick to do you saw in the cabins with a pale and dejected Buggy.

You rub Buggy's back as he sat in the comfy chair in the shared room, Buggy having a ice pack on his crotch and his head bowed in shame.

"...it's worse I can't even be mad- I told them that playing dirty" He whined, you gently cooing at him to try and make him feel better as you knew his spirit and testicles had been crushed.

"I-It can't be that bad" You try and comfort him- Buggy looked to you with teary eyes.

"(Y/N) my ballsack looks like two giant blueberries someone beat the shit out of-" He choked out, you wince kissing his forehead.

It seemed after this moment the prospect of future kids truly was out of the picture-

[estcaligo]

Problematic post, dark content, if you don't like dark topics - skip this

I have this absolutely masochistic desire to read a series of fics with each twst character, theme: rejection. + upd:some general headcanons

Reader conferences to them and they reject prefect's feelings. 100% angst, no comfort, some disturbing warnings too.

Specifically I want to see :

Hanahaki with Sebek. He wants to be with you but can't because duties. OR he doesn't even want to, he's 100% focused on duties and you're a nuance, go disappear, useless dirt. (I have 10000+ sad scenarios for Sebek...)

Humiliation, degradation, bodyshaming with Vil aka "Have you even seen yourself? What was going on in that ugly head of yours that you could even consider such possibility? No, don't touch me with those ugly fingers."

"You're not a match for me" with Leona.

"Very funny. But I AM a prince after all. What can you offer me? Are you an important ally? A monarch from any country? Maybe you're a valuable business partner? No? Didn't think so. Now move, you're blocking the sun."

"We belong to different worlds" with Malleus. Everything here screams doomed romance. Your life is so short - it's like a second for him. He's a prince, the heir to the throne, a powerful fae, the mighty dragon and one of the strongest mages in the world. And you? You're a grain of sand in his life. Useless, bleak, weak grain of sand.

Manipulation and gaslighting and even enslaving with Azul. Manipulating you into dating, making you fall for him and then sign a bunch of horrible contracts. The contents of those contracts? Trust me, you don't want to know....he makes you do horrible things. Disgusting things. Truly sorry for you.

Public humiliation and playing with your feelings - Ace.

"I was just messin' with ya. Did ya think we were a thing? Are you that naïve or actually stupid? Nah why r u crying rn. It's not my fault you're so fucking stupid lol"

Ghosting with Idia. It was clear from the start - it wasn't going to go well. You're too different… No, it's him who doesn't deserve you. You tried to make it work, but… Idia just can't communicate well. And you're kind of tired of it, too. At first, you did try to reach out, you asked him to talk about it… but he just kept ghosting you. Not a single word to explain why he doesn't want to see you anymore. It's unfair. It hurts.

Jack? Your presence makes him uncomfortable. You just irritate him. You're so unserious. everything is a joke to you.

"Even now you're joking, right?" he said when you tried to confess to him. "I will never think of you as my partner. You're not a match for a wolf. Not with that attitude. I bet you can't even imagine what a lifelong partner means." He didn't mean to be rude, just clear. But it hurts, because you truly love him. And yet, he will never even look at you that way. The best decision would be to never see him again.

Lilia is mischievous, everyone knows that. But you didn't think he would do this to you. Play with your feelings just like that. All that occasional teasing, random hair stroking, small kisses on the cheek… he made your heart flutter every time. But when you decided to confess?

"Fufu, young people are so hopeless these days. Sorry, little bat. I'm not interested."

Not interested. That’s what he said. After doing all this to you. Luring you in and then breaking your heart like it was nothing.

Spoiler: it leads to suicide and not Lilia's.

not rejection, just some headcanons

Floyd - Kinda dating but with much much physical abuse. Domestic violence. Rape too. You're bruised 24/7 in those relationship. Consent? Never heart of it. He's touching you where he wants, when he wants. Your opinion doesn't matter. Say a word and he'll break your ribs again. You're so annoying, jeez. You were supposed to be fun, why're you nagging all the time...Blood suits you now, dear.

Jade - Oh, he he was so charming at the beginning. And by charming I mean fucking mind games, but it was so captivating and you just couldn't resist his charm and by charm I mean manipulation. In the end - makes you his test subject. He kills you and grows mushrooms on your corpse. Scary but eco friendly!

Rook - It started with stalking. He followed you everywhere, he "occasionally" stumbled upon you in every corridor. You constantly felt someone's gaze wherever you went. Eventually, he confessed, but you made the mistake of rejecting him.

"Sorry, Rook, I think Cupid's arrow missed this time" you tried to joke. Too bad.

"He might miss sometimes, but I don't."

Yes, he shoots you because "if you don't want to become 'us,' there will be no 'you' at all."

[shiratamahatsumiyo]

Gun Park with Mitsuri Kanroji reader

@aline1701, come get your Gun Park.

Mitsuri is a character from Demon Slayer and is one of the Hashiras supporting Tanjiro and the others in the Swordsmith Village Arc, fighting the Upper Moons Gyokko and Hantengu. She is known as the sweet and kind Love Hashira.

• Work has been really hectic for you these past days. These owners must take extra good care of their pets! They always feed them things that are not supposed to be eaten by them... That poor cat the other day ate shrimp and the owner didn't know.

• Because of how busy you are, the others at Jaewon High become a bit worried about where their gluttonous social butterfly went. Word quickly spread out that you are not on campus and the bullies started to take advantage of that.

• Big Daniel encountered Gun that day and the man with sunglasses wouldn't leave him alone, Gun kept offering Daniel the same thing about him being his successor, and Daniel was having none of it. So they fought... You're just closing the clinic for the night and head home until you stumbled across their fight, you hid in a corner and search for your phone to call the police.

Gun: "....*pant*..... What? You tired already?..."

Daniel: "...No...*pant*.... I'm just getting started--"

•While Daniel was standing his ground against Gun, the bastard decided to play dirty and elbow him. You take action and then blocked his attack.

Mitsuri: "Oh my goodness! What is happening here?! No fighting please!"

Daniel: "What the- Mitsuri? Is that you? What are you doing here?!"

Mitsuri: "I should be asking you the same thing, Daniel! This is the way to my house... Why are you fighting this guy at night?! You'll wake up my neighbors!!"

Gun: "Great. Another fight interrupted. Why does this always happen. And how did you block that?"

Mitsuri: "H-hey! You better stop fighting each other or I'm calling the police!"

Gun: "This one's a bitch too."

Mitsuri: *GASP*

Daniel: " Umm, Mitsuri--"

Mitsuri: " Y-YOU SAID THE B WORD! THAT WAS VERY RUDE OF YOU! PLEASE APOLOGIZE!"

Gun: " ...Huh? Is this bitch for real?"

Daniel: "Mitsuri, please, you might kill him--"

Mitsuri: *GASP* "YOU SAID IT AGAIN! THAT'S IT, YOU'RE FIGHTING WITH MY FRIEND AND GAVE HIM SCRATCHES AND DIDN'T APOLOGIZE TOO!! YOU'RE FIGHTING ME NOW!!!"

Gun: "And what are you gonna do? OH SHI-"

Mitsuri: "I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS BUT YOU'RE BEING A MEANIE!!!" *LIFTS GUN'S CAR AND FUCKING THROWS IT AT HIM*

• Gun was definitely sure that if he didn't react in 1.5 milliseconds and dodged, he would've been the ugliest Lookism character with broken bones and with misshapen facial features...

• Gun got excited and was about to punch you but got interrupted once more by a call from Charles Choi. He leaves after telling Daniel that his offer is still on the table. Anyways, you scolded Daniel about fighting Gun was dangerous but Daniel just brought up questions asking you what your work out routine is.

• Gun took notice of your abnormal strength and decided to request for Kouji to give some information about you. Goo misunderstood Gun's sudden interest to you as a sexual liking and teased him until Gun threatened to break his jaw.

• Believe Gun's disappointment after reading your file. It says that you possess abnormal strength from birth but you're desperate to hide it?? Just for a successful marriage??? Fuck no, he's stalk you and fight you until you realize how useful your strength is and will have no use for marriage anymore. That'll totally work, right?

• Everyone is very happy to have your presence in the classroom again. Vasco can share dangos with you now. The bullies hide in fear like roaches after sensing you coming back. You told them that you were just busy with your job and that gave them a relief since you almost never miss a single class.

• Everything seems to come back to normal until you see the same man with sunglasses at your doorstep waiting for you.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Prompt (it's okay if you ignore this one cos it's a bit dark/triggering): Lena, post S4 having just killed her brother & finding out about the SG secret, is suicidal, like seriously considering ending it once and for all. BUT she finds something that brings her back to wanting to live and be happy (a new goal or motivation?) Side reigncorp would be nice, having Sam there to support her etc and she's the only one she trusts right now plus she's the only one who never lied to/betrayed her. Thanks!

WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/INTENTIONS

----

Lena stares at the pill bottle in her hand. It would be so easy, she thinks. Just tip the bottle to her lips and swallow the lot with a chaser of bourbon. Let herself drift away into sleep. Maybe she'd get lucky and remain blissfully unaware of the vomit and foam that would likely follow. Perhaps her mind would block it out, allow her to sink peacefully into death while her body convulsed to reject the poison.

She considers who might find her. The cleaners perhaps, due to return in two days time. Or more likely Jess, when she fails to come to work or answer her phone. Certainly not Kara, who believes everything between them is fine-- that their friendship hasn't shattered into irrecoverable shards.

Kara. No, Supergirl. Fucking Supergirl.

Lena clenches her eyes shut, but the image of the hero simply projects against the backs of her eyelids. With her stupid hair and her stupid cape and her stupid, lying smile. But no. The truth is, Lena is the idiot. An idiot to think she'd made true friends, to think she could share the innermost parts of herself with someone who wouldn't turn around and use it against her.

They played you for a fool, Lex's voice echoes from beyond the grave.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Suddenly, an explosion of glass issues from her living room. Lena surges for her handgun, and carefully creeps from her bedroom. Her fingers clenches unnecessarily-- angrily-- against the trigger when she recognizes the caped figure that rises shakily from the floor. But she doesn't fire.

"Lena?" Kara croaks, cradling her middle as though her ribs are broken. Lena watches her scan the living room and kitchen before locating her outside the bedroom. "Lena..."

"What do you want?"

She means it to sound angry, or at the very least irritated. Instead, she just sounds tired, even to her own ears.

"Something's happened to Alex-- to everyone. The DEO is compromised. They--" The hero grimaces in pain. "They tried to kill me."

"So you came to me."

"I hoped you wouldn't be affected. Whatever it is... it's bad. It's really bad."

Lena tries to feel something. Concern, outrage, curiosity-- anything. But she can't. She feels flat, like the air has deflated from her, leaving her a sagging balloon, pressed down by the weight of the air around her.

"Kara..."

Lena sees the exact moment the name hits home, and its implication hits home. Her eyes close in resignation-- not apology, Lena notes distantly.

"You figured it out--?"

"No."

Kara nearly sighs. "Your mother?"

"Brother," Lena allows, "but interesting that you know Lillian knew."

Lex was right. Everyone in the world but her knew the truth. Even her mother. And Kara knows that Lillian knows. That she allowed Lena's family to know the truth, but not she herself.

Fuck her.

"And now you've come to the Luthor you've managed to keep in your pocket."

Like always, Lena notes. Every time she's been involved with Supergirl and her allies, it's been as a last resort. Not because they truly wanted her or her help. Because they had nowhere else to turn.

Her stomach turns, and again Lena's thoughts flicker back to the prescription bottle in her bedroom. She feels sick, and she doesn't want to. She'd rather feel nothing at all than feel this.

"Lena..." Kara straightens as best she can. "I'm not here because I have to be. I'm here because you're the only one I trust."

Their eyes lock for a long moment, and Lena hopes her gaze conveys her disbelief. The words mean nothing, and the fact Kara expects her to believe them is actually insulting.

"What do you expect me to do?"

"We need to know what's affected them and find a way to neutralize it."

"I'll need a current blood sample, and a sample from before the changes in behavior occurred for comparison."

Lena turns back towards her bedroom.

"Then I'll see what I can do."

---

What she can do, it would seem, is quite a lot. Per usual. She isolates a chemical signature in Agent Schott's blood that stands out as abnormal, and traces it back to readings taken from clothes that have arrived on several alien refugee ships. The chemical is alien in nature, but it's not long before Lena synthesizes a counteragent to render the chemical inert until it could be processed from the bloodstream on its own.

She does all this before it can spread further than the DEO. Kara looks at her with gratitude and relief and a little bit of patent awe, but Lena isn't impressed with herself or her results. Isn't this what she always does? Pulls a rabbit out of her ass and saves the day-- but never enough to breach that final circle of trust she never even knew existed.

Once she confirms all DEO employees are returned to their normal selves, Lena withdraws. She relinquishes her role at L-Corp to Sam with some easy bullshit about taking a sabbatical. She hoards her prescriptions, waiting for the moment to be right.

The night she chooses is dark and rainy. But she manages to prod herself to going to the boutique liquor store beforehand-- might as well go out sipping something luxurious and expensive.

On her way back, she pauses on the sidewalk when she hears something moving beneath the car parked next to her along the curb. When it doesn't come again, she moves to resume her march home, but is stopped again by a new sound.

A whine.

Lena hesitates. She can keep walking, pretend she never heard it. But her feet remain rooted against her intentions to leave, until she finally relents and climbs down to her hands and knees. Pressing her cheek almost to the cement, she peers under the sedan and sees the soggy silhouette of a small quadruped.

A puppy. Or some sort of small breed. When it shifts, she sees disproportionately gangly limbs and a long tail curled around its trunk. Puppy.

Lena sighs. "C'mere," she mutters, reaching her arm under the car. The dog is far enough under that her shoulder feels like it nearly dislocates before she finally catches the sorry creature by the scruff of the neck.

It yelps when she drags it out into the rain, but makes no move to escape when she stares down at it appraisingly. Short brown fur darkened by rain, small half-flopped ears, and big brown eyes. It's certainly the picture of a creature any decent human being would cleave to.

"All right," she says heavily. "Let's get you somewhere dry."

She picks the pup up and tucks it into her coat. It curls into the warmth of her chest, shivering all the way back to her apartment. She snags a towel from the linen closet before removing her coat, and transfers the animal directly into it.

Once it's mostly dry, Lena sits back and stares at the beast as it stares at her. She glances at the bottle of liquor she'd set on the coffee table next to the pup.

Lena sighs.

"You chose a hell of a night to turn up," she says drily. Lena gives the dog's head a rub before picking it up to set it gently on the floor.

"Let's get you some food."

----

(Prompts are closed)

[these-posts-arent-real]

I'm ✨️completely fucking exhausted✨️ but decided I needed to do something for pride month anyway, so... take it. Take it and feast.

#:,) #im.so tired

20 notes

🐍 xviper-the-fagx

HAPPY PRIDE MOON!

WAAHOOOOOO!!!!

#pride #pride moon

12 notes

🪺 robbbinpaw Follow

Since it's that time of year (pride moon <3 the second moon of greenleaf is my favorite for a reason...) my brother and I decided to make a bisexual colors flower chain... which reminded me, I've never officially come out, have I?

Well, there you have it. My brother (left) and I (right) found out we were bisexual at about the same time. I'm glad I live in a safe environment where I get to share that part of myself with all of my friends and my family.

#pride #pride moon #bisexual #queer #bi pride

40 notes

🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow

>:3 so excited for pride moon, aka the one time I get to make all of my friends and family be extra nice to me because i'm intersex and therefore deserving of much love and appreciation for being queer.

🦋 lalala-bluegaze Follow

Intersex isn't lgbt... intersex is a physical deformity. I hate when cats say things like this and just completely ignore the real implications... like, you don't get to be lgbt just because your body is fucked up

🌠 nightshade-tast3s-yummy Follow

Anyway, intersex is queer no matter what exclusionists say !! What do you think the "i" in "lgbtqia+" standa for?

To my intersex followers, I <3 you and we are all sharing tongues in a queer little circle.

#i just blocked her fyi #i advise my followers to do the same #idiots get blocked #intersex

3,073 notes

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

In honor of pride, I took some selfies with the trans flag painted on with crushed flowers and herbs! ^^

🌻 l1llyst3m Follow

Since posting this, I have recieved multiple asks stating that they would have known I was trans even if I didn't say because I don't pass very well/my face shape is too tom-like? I have also recieved several asks accusing me of faking being trans because I look too feminine and "calicos can't be amab" (I'm a chimera, fucking mouse-brains).

So yeah. Transphobes really will just say anything.

#trans #transfem #trans she-cat #trans issues #transgender

234 notes

🥬 rxttencatmint

So, it's pride moon... and I'm unable to be out to almost anyone irl except my mentor. And. It sucks. I hate not being able to be loud and proud like I feel like I'm supposed to be... but I'm looking forward to a time when I'll be able to. Someday.

#transgender #trans #pride moon #queer pride #pride

3 notes

🍲 ex-thunderclan-kipper Follow

My housefolk are setting up for pride moon... so here's a photo of my mate and I sitting underneath their decor :3

#gay #gay pride #kittypet life #lgbt #queer pride #collar tw #collars #queer #id in alt text

10,045 notes

🔆 the-post-maker

Hope you enjoyed this post :)) likes/reblogs appreciated, and here's the discord server to talk about this world and the world within this world if you find it interesting enough.

[sidswritingblog]

twst (undisclosed) au

jade leech x gn!reader

a/n: i have specific inspo for this au but i don't wanna give away the plot if i continue with it. i literally haven't even scratched the surface of my idea and i lowkey hate this but i'm tired and had to put something out there 🫠 there's barely any jade in this beginning part so i'm sorry in advance

tags: gn!reader (pronouns unspecified), sfw, little bit of pining, mushrooms written by someone who doesn't know mushrooms, kinda boring, sorry

regardless of shitty quality, DO NOT FEED THIS TO AI or i will hunt you down and be very angry at you

1,456 words

•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•

Climbing a mountain is not one of your regular chores as a farmer.

Life’s just been so boring lately—not that you’re complaining; “bored” is leagues better than famished and starving—but you’ve been thirsting for a little more enrichment than feeding livestock and mucking stables can offer. So naturally, when you went into town a few days ago to sell some of your produce, you scanned Sam’s shop for anything that could spice up your life.

Funny-looking dolls, uniquely flavoured snacks, eye-catching accessories… Sam always had such interesting items in stock, but you couldn’t imagine being amused with any of them for more than a couple days, a week at most. You hummed to yourself before clearing your throat.

“Hey, Sam?” you peeked around the stacked shelves and racks to look for him at the front of the shop. He popped out from beneath the front counter like some sort of life-sized jack-in-the-box.

“Find anything that piques your interest, Imp?” he asked back while glancing at you, simultaneously working on pricing some new trinkets that came in. (The grind never stops, even when he’s serving a customer.)

“Well…” You hated to admit your dissatisfaction so bluntly, but Sam’s a thick-skinned friend of yours; he can take it. “No, actually. Do you have anything new?”

And of course Sam had something new in stock—something perfect. You should’ve never doubted his service. So that day, you left town having sold all your produce, with a pocketful of bronze coins, a skip in your step, and a small pocketbook in hand that you traded for two dozen eggs.

A Guide to Identifying and Foraging Wild Edible Mushrooms: Pocket Edition.

So here you are, hiking up the mountain by your farm that you never once explored in all your years living here. To be fair, you never really had much of a reason to, until now. Now, you have a wealth of information on edible and medicinal wonders of nature in the palm of your hand. Now, you’re aware of the wondrous, not-meat-yet-meaty chunks of yumminess within your reach.

You gasp. Literally. Within. Your. Reach. After verifying with your prized pocketguide, you pluck the stubby white growth from the side of a fallen log. Pleurotus ostreatus. An oyster mushroom. You have yourself an oyster mushroom, and now the world is your oyster.

In your mushroom-finding excitement, you fail to notice the heterochromatic eyes witnessing your discovery from behind a tree.

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Over the next week, you balance out the mundaneness of farm life with the joy of mushroom foraging. So far, you’ve harvested resinous polypore—Ischnoderma resinosum—and lion’s mane—Hericium erinaceus—on top of the oyster mushrooms you initially found. You’re thrilled!

But still, despite your newfound source of joy, you can’t help but wish you didn’t have to work so much on the farm. As you savour a bite of your breakfast omelette made with leftover lion’s mane mushrooms, you dare think to yourself: Sevens, you wished you could have a helping hand. Then you would only have to work half as much, and you’d have twice as much time to go look for mushrooms.

You turn your gaze beyond your open dutch door to the rich mountain nearby.

And then a demon pops out of fucking nowhere to block the view.

“AHHHH!!!” you shriek, before clapping a hand over your mouth. Oh, you realise. It’s not a demon. Just some freakishly tall guy trespassing on your farm. Dressed in a tattered linen tunic and breeches, his ratty clothing doesn’t seem to suit him. With hair the vivid colour of the clear sea, striking heterochromatic eyes, and a razor-sharp jawline, you can’t fathom what he’s doing here. Nor can you imagine why he’s dressed like he’d been washed up ashore. The only accessory that does suit his beauty is the teal earring dangling from his left ear.

“Hello,” the beautiful demon/trespasser man greets politely.

“Hi,” you reply awkwardly. “Can I help you?”

“Well, yes,” he replies, smiling without teeth as he brings his hand to his chest. “I would like to help you on your farm.”

You hum to hide your surprise. Not because his request is startling, though it is very bold, especially for only just having met each other. You’re instead shocked by how quickly your wish seemed to be granted. Maybe he is a demon. But you’ll nevertheless entertain his haphazard job application.

“Hmm. What’s your name?” you ask.

“Ah, right. My name is Jade,” the demon answers with his smooth-ass voice. “My apologies for neglecting to introduce myself sooner.”

You give him your name in return. Jade smiles again. It’s almost unsettling.

“I’ll warn you that it’s a lot of work, Jade. And I can’t give you much more than food and lodging in return. You still interested?”

“Yes.”

You rack your brain for any more upfront reasons that would dissuade Jade from working for you.

“And in terms of food…” you start, “You’re alright eating mushrooms?”

Jade stares at you, eyes wide. Is he blushing?

“You’d feed me your mushrooms?” he whispers.

Ah, so he’s not a fan. Disappointing. Still, you answer.

“Breakfast, lunch, and dinner,” you reply. “Not by themselves, of cour—“

“When may I start?” Jade cuts you off.

“Wha?”

“Working here, for you. When may I start?”

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Succinctly put, Jade isn’t a demon. In fact, you’d go as far to say that Jade is an angel. A gentlemanly, mushroom-loving angel. Two months in, he does more than his fair share of work on the farm and eats whatever you cook. Often, despite already having laboured in the burning hot sun, doing the heavy lifting that he insisted you shouldn’t do, Jade helps you in the kitchen.

Like he is now. Actually, this time, he’s doing most of the cooking as you wash the dishes and cooking utensils.

A few weeks ago, Jade practically begged you to bring him on one of your hikes. If it was anybody else who asked, you wouldn’t have agreed. But you had to admit: you’re fond of Jade.

From your countless conversations, you learned that Jade lost both his parents to vicious pirates when they were at sea, leaving behind Jade and his brother, Floyd. Jade also told you that he has a funny friend named Azul. The way Jade reminisces about Floyd and Azul is endearing (and also makes the latter seem really pathetic, to be honest), and you can tell he really loves them since he’d left his home to make a better life for the three.

Despite his rough past, he’s perfect. Hardworking, strong, smart, observant, dependable, beautiful, sweet… You could list hundreds if not thousands of things you love about him. The hard part is keeping your praises to yourself, keeping them from spewing out your mouth every time you’re in his presence.

Jade always does as you wish when you ask. But your one deepest wish is selfish, something you can’t ask of him.

You wish he’d never leave your side.

“Dinner’s ready,” Jade gently announces to you, disrupting your internal pining monologue. You can see his closed-eye smile directed at you from the corner of your eye, and you feel your heartbeat quicken.

You grab two bowls from the cupboard and pass them to Jade’s waiting hand. His fingers brush yours in the process, and you have to stop yourself from flinching away. Don’t be suspicious! Act normal! Stop being a pathetic sap!

“Oya, you’re quite red.” Ugh, dammit, blush! “Are you feeling unwell?”

Jade reaches his right hand toward your forehead, which you quickly bat away.

“Am I? I feel fine,” you assure, hoping you sound natural enough. You feel your face warm even more.

“Are you sure?” Jade scrutinizes your flushed face, mere inches between you. “You really are quite red.”

Now, as sweet as he is, Jade loves teasing. Even though he doesn’t like you back—not that he knows of your crush on him—he still plays with you. And your poor heart by association.

You turn away from Jade like a petty child refusing to eat their vegetables. The bastard follows your face with his own as you turn.

“Fufufu,” he chuckles, “you really are quite adorable, aren’t you?”

Your eyes bulge in surprise before you instinctively shield your probably-tomato-red face with your hand.

“Oh,” Jade sighs with a smile, retreating to his personal bubble of space. “How I wish to never leave your side.”

Those words promptly open the floodgates to your endless praises for Jade. Ultimately, in tears, you end up confessing your undying love. In response, Jade smiles at you, wider than you’ve ever seen, eyes half-lidded. He’s so beautiful.

So much for keeping your feelings under wraps.

[fatal-blow]

what are some ways hypermobility can effect your body that no-one really talks about?

it's interesting actually because i don't think hypermobility is inherently disabling. we've all heard about those freaks (affectionate) who are active and healthy, but just happen to be able to contort their bodies into unbelievable shapes. so much of hypermobility seems to be the way it interacts with other factors. I'll go over some stuff that i know is directly related to hypermobility though!

hypermobility has little to do with joints, and everything to do with everything else. see, muscles are connected to bone by tendons. hypermobility increases the stretch of the tendons. this is like making the ropes attaching your hammock to the trees really stretchy. so when the actual muscle flexes, it first must pull the tendons tight before it can start moving the bone that it's attached to. ergo, hypermobility makes the muscles work harder to achieve the same results as non-hypermobile bodies.

for a lot of people who have hypermobility and don't realize it, and now have chronic pain, this is often due to the overuse of muscles. you are not weak, you are not frail, you are just very, very tired. please look at my pinned post--learning how to treat trigger points has allowed me to treat my pain!! it's reversible!! you CAN get better!!

relatedly, this is why building muscle can help combat the negative effects of hypermobility. but you can't build your muscles until they've been treated for overuse. this is where i think a lot of physiotherapy falters.

seems to be related to estrogen! because estrogen is involved with collagen synthesis, and collagen is the thing in the tendons that makes things stretchier. I've yet to read more into this in detail, but considering hypermobility seems to affect those with higher levels of estrogen in the body, I'm not surprised.

similarly, pregnancy causes the tendons and ligaments to loosen, presumably due to the aforementioned effects of estrogen. whether or not things go back to normal after pregnancy, I don't know.

hypermobility can also affect the veins and nerves, making THEM stretchy as well. I'm more knowledgeable about the muscular impacts, but I've seen suggestions that varicose veins are more likely, causing the veins to stretch around blockages rather than. be blocked by them.

in a fit of irony, i, personally, think that hypermobility actually saves the body from the effects of stress--or more specifically, body wide muscular tension. because when your muscles get tight enough, they pull on the bones and start pinning nerves and crushing veins--literally crushing you to death. having a wibbly, squishy body could totally counter that. could even be why women tend to live longer than men! this bullet point is pure speculation on my part though, so take that with a grain a salt (or however much you want to trust my hypotheses gjfj)

the way hypermobility presents in people can make it difficult to diagnose. for instance, people who aren't super stretchy could be hypermobile, except their muscles have stiffened up so much that they seem like they have normal range of motion. my mother, queen of eds, is like this! that's why it's important to look across a broad range of diagnostic criteria, and consider your history and the current state of your body.

I DONT...actually think stretching makes hypermobility worse. but i do think stretches need to be targeting the right spots to be effective. unfortunately this requires knowing things both about the human body and your own body. it's a lot of work.

oh also hypermobility can make your body feel less stable and more unbalanced. and when you feel unbalanced you start clenching muscles so you don't fall over. and then those muscles get overused and tired, so you clench other muscles to keep THOSE muscles from failing. it's a nasty little feedback loop that can be difficult to break, and if allowed to continue, it can really fuck your shit up.

but i really do want to stress that so many of the problems related to hypermobility are not only treatable but reversible. muscle overuse is a HUGE problem with hypermobility, but after reading the book in my pinned post (and realizing that every pain pattern in there matched MY pain patterns) I've been able to work on recovery.

like i had symptoms of carpel tunnel, of tendonitis, bursitis, even some symptoms of diabetes and pancreatitis, (and more but if i keep listing them we'll be here all day) and the muscle treatment in that workbook has steadily reduced and eliminated those symptoms. my mother was practically bed bound by her disability and now she can go on short walks and feels better than she has in a very long time. it's reversible. you don't have to be in pain forever. we can all get better (it'll just take a while, I've been doing this for a year and a half and I'm still working at it, but what matters is that I'm better)