#deadbeat talks.

[demuredeadbeat]

I, for one, am not bothered by Woke Propaganda decreasing the world population bc ppl with breeding, pregnancy and lactation kinks are getting right on that shit.

[sunsetcurveauto]

and i LOVE how they showed little percy hesitant to want to learn how to swim. not only is it such a natural kid thing to do but it also highlights even more how much he trusts sally and how distant his relationship to poseidon really is

[blackjackkent]

Jaheira is Not a Deadbeat

I am, as always, deeply in love with the kids' ambient dialogue while waiting for Jaheira to come inside. And it's time for me to have Opinions.

FIG: I saw her! I swear! RION: Are you sure? Maybe it was just a laborer holding a shaggy grey mop! FIG: Be serious, Rion! Who puts braids on a mop?

FIG: She'll be here any second. Maybe she's sneaking! RION: Doubtful. We'd hear her knees cracking.

And of course my favorite:

RION: Enough, Fig. There's no point getting your hopes up. She'll be back when she's back. FIG: You don't think she will! RION: I know she will. But we'll wait a little longer, if you like.

😭😭😭😭

Rion absolutely knew perfectly well what she was supposed to do from Jaheira's instructions. She just didn't want to. She's been hanging on to the desperate belief that Jaheira was going to walk through the door and make it unnecessary - and, as it turned out, she was right.

OK, fuck it, I'm doing a post about this now. :P

Despite what the Tumblr BG3 fandom would have you believe, Jaheira is not a "deadbeat mom." Is she a parent with emotional constipation issues and way too much time at work? Sure. But so are plenty of other parents on both Toril and Earth. It's SUPER clear from the way all the kids (including Rion) talk to and about her that they LOVE her and she has been an enduring presence in their lives, and that her recent disappearance was both unusual and devastating. 

There are books she reads the kids up in the bedroom! Fig is so excited to announce she's back, indicating that the absence is not a normal occurrence! Jhessem has convinced herself they share a bloodline! Jord got to go to the market with her as a boy! These are not the circumstances of children who do not give a shit about their parent or vice versa!

The devnotes about Jord’s conversation in particular do not show a picture of a man with ill-will towards a mother who felt it customary to abandon him:

JORD: I tended to it. I just let it... thrive in its own independence. You know, same way you raised us. (Devnote: Well meant potshot at his mother, no malice in it) JAHEIRA: I raised you to be a sweet and kind boy. What happened? JORD: I watched what you did instead of listening to what you said. (Devnote: Amused, gently mocking his mother) JORD: This house has taken in a lot of children over the years. Mother dear was sometimes more commander than, well... mother dear. (Devnote: Smiling, explaining why he and Jaheira trade barbs. No criticism, just understated affection)

It is, perhaps, worth noting at this point as well that Jord - and Rion, and Fig, and even Jhessem - speak with that teasing, mocking tone towards Jaheira… but so does she - towards the people she cares most about, including you as the player. The kids are acting as they have learned, and words like this can and should easily be read as gestures of affection. And they clearly trust Jaheira enough to bring this playful rudeness to the fore without fear of it being misconstrued or turning into hostility.

And if they are like Jaheira in this way, they’re also not going to be comfortable showing the real depth of their feelings in front of you, the player character - who is fundamentally a stranger who has just walked into their house. Why would they? Jaheira clearly doesn’t; indeed, even her more serious conversation with Rion only takes place outside where even the other children aren’t listening. 

Perhaps most significantly, I truly don’t understand how anyone can interact with Tate for even a moment and think that Jaheira does not have a deep, if often unspoken, bond with the kids she raises:

JAHEIRA: I hope you were hibernating, little cub, I can’t think of another reason you wouldn’t come down to say hello. TATE: Jaheira! I d-didn’t… didn’t w-want to see if you were r-really dead. They said… JAHEIRA: Who said? TATE: Jord and Rion. They didn’t think I c-could hear… JAHEIRA: You little sneak-thief. Well, they were wrong. Look! Not dead! I just… had a few adventures.

She is so soft and gentle with him in a way that she is with no one else, a way that indicates that she knows him and how his personality is different from the others. And he in turn has clearly been utterly devastated by the idea that she might be gone.

Take, as well, the evidence provided by Minsc when he is present in these conversations! There’s plenty of evidence to indicate the degree to which Minsc is guided by Jaheira’s behavior - to the degree that a doppelganger wearing her face was the key ingredient to binding him temporarily into the Cult of the Absolute. And Minsc - far more comfortable with emotion than Jaheira, at least in some ways - is clearly very affectionate with the kids as well:

FIG: STAND ON YOUR LIVER! MINSC: It is stand and *deliver*, little Fig. Though I think I like yours better. You bellow like a true berserker!

JHESSEM: A fine day to you, saer. Are you known to this court PLAYER: Eh? JHESSEM: Ugh - play along, would you? MINSC: Lord Boo is most pleased to make your acquaintance, my lady! Word of your grace has spread far and wide among the hamster houses. (Devnote: Swooping in to preserve the child's make-believe after the player ruined it.) JHESSEM: Enchanted!

MINSC: Boo is also very well! And happy to see *you*, Rion. RION: And I him. Enough that I’ll let him keep his lumbering, sweaty steed inside.

Would Minsc have taken it upon himself to have such a comfortable relationship with these children if Jaheira did not? I doubt it. He’d be friendly, certainly, but this familiarity goes a great deal beyond that.

And as for Rion herself - it's definitely reasonable to assume that she's had a strained relationship with Jaheira as she's grown older. (I have a lot of headcanons about this for my specific worldstate canon, but even just sticking to the game canon, it definitely seems like that's the case.) But leaving aside that - can you blame her for being upset at this particular moment?

As far as Rion knows, her mom was recently emotionally devastated for an indeterminate reason. (Minsc's apparent death. None of the kids are surprised to see him arrive, so clearly none of them knew he was supposed to be dead - but also there's no way that Jaheira didn't look afterwards like someone hollowed her out from the inside.) Then, without further explanation, she disappeared for what appears to have been several months (again, clearly not standard procedure), and after weeks of no contact, sends a seven-word message indicating she is about to die.

How exactly is Rion supposed to feel at this moment? This is an incredibly emotionally fraught circumstance, and if it's precisely representative of her overall relationship with Jaheira I will eat my hat.

Also - much is made by the game, by Rion, and by the fandom about that seven-word message, but if you try to chastise Jaheira about it, she gives further context:

PLAYER: Only seven? That’s cold, Jaheira. JAHEIRA: The cleric who cast the Sending was wounded. Should I have sobbed on her shoulder?

Jaheira was caught in a no-win situation. Trapped in the Shadowlands, a terrifying ordeal all by itself, with a gaggle of Harpers she had to protect, many of whom had apparently been injured by their encounter with Ketheric Thorm. If the only cleric she had access to was wounded, this was before they reached Last Light and met Isobel. 

Jaheira had ZERO reason to hope at this point - but she also still felt her own inescapable responsibility towards the people under her command. To send a longer and more emotional message would have been to put strain on her injured comrade and also risk making it very clear that she felt the situation was hopeless. The Harpers very well might have broken and scattered, condemning themselves - and, frankly, many others, given their crucial contributions to the final Act 2 fight - to death.

And then she lives, against all her own expectations, and returns to the city. And her dialogue reflects her conflict over this fact as well: 

JAHEIRA: I have given you much reason to think that Harpers hoard secrets like precious stones. But I promise you, this was not some intrigue. Just, ah… plain and simple foolishness. As if by keeping clear of my family, I might keep them clear of the cult in turn. And if this fight were to go against us, well… they had already done their mourning. Why visit it on them twice?

She then goes on to discuss the city and her place in it - and relates it directly back to her kids as well.

JAHEIRA: I was wrong to think I could keep my children from this fight. They’re Baldurian born and bred - the only damned reason I root myself in this place. This city is a cesspit. An open sewer of the soul, that taints us with its filth and churns us out when all that is good has been stripped away. It also happens to be their home - and so it is mine. Ugh. That might be the first time I have said that out loud.

If Jaheira wanted to disappear and leave her kids to handle themselves, she would have done it a long time ago. It wouldn’t be hard; she is fully capable of vanishing into the wilderness never to be seen again - and in truth, there’s every reason to believe she would be considerably happier to do so… except that it would mean leaving her children behind. They “root” her in Baldur’s Gate despite all of her previous inclinations and everything that comes naturally to her, and everything she does is guided ultimately by the need to protect the city because it is their home.

And that, my friends, is love, a love that she shows even if she does not know how to voice it.

TLDR: Jaheira's absence in the Shadowlands was definitely not a normal occurrence, and her kids clearly love her deeply and were devastated by her apparent disappearance. That she is a woman who keeps herself far too busy with work and has no idea how to express her own strong feelings does not, has not, and never will make her a "deadbeat."

[babyslutbuck]

i'm sorry. i have more to say about abby. she's so fucking funny. all she wanted was to fuck a hot 26 year old. bc her mom was dying and she didn't feel like a person outside of that. and he reshaped himself in the image of something she could love. and then she didn't love him. and then she left. "i could fix him" "i could make him worse" well abby could fix him and make him worse in one fell swoop.

[expectiations]

I still find it funny that people call eleven a "deadbeat husband" and their marriage "toxic" but twelve is the "perfect husband" and their marriage "wedded bliss" all because of the few moments we'd seen between 11 and River were them being "toxic". yes of course! let's ignore how the minisodes show how that description isn't true and even how little moments in the episodes themselves – "what? that's it?" (why haven't you kissed me goodbye? are you being sly on purpose so I'd kiss you first?) and "they wouldn't bury my wife out here" and the music room is the heart of the home and it's not a ghost story, it's a love story – show 11 cared and put in the work and yes, they're going to have disagreements like the ones in TATM because duh who doesn't but it does not mean it is the entirety of their relationship but people have taken it and made it the entirety of their relationship.

[keii]

JJK (Toji & Mahito) x I Saw the Devil (K-Movie) Crossover

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[gotstabbedbyapen]

My journey in searching for Zeus and Persephone's father-daughter bonding had been rewarded with these gem pieces.

"Sow some splendor on the island (Sicily), which Zeus the lord of Olympus gave to Persephone; he nodded assent with his flowing hair, that as the best land on the fruitful earth he would make Sicily fertile and prosperous in her cities blossoming with wealth. And the son of Cronus sent her a people enamored of bronze-armored battle, horsemen often wedded to the golden leaves of Olympia's olive." - Nemean Ode by Pindar

This one paragraph gave three interesting things:

Zeus being a good father to Persephone!!!! He gifted her Sicily and a group of armored horsemen (probably for companion), and even ensured the island's soil to always be fertile and yield good harvest for the cities to thrive.

More evidence that Persephone is a vegetation goddess!!! I hate it when people erase her duality by claiming her to only be the Queen of the Underworld. Let Persephone be a paradoxical goddess and rule both life and death!!!

Zeus having flowing hair!!! (probably where Apollo got his pretty hair from)

There's also a version where Zeus gave Sicily to Persephone as a wedding present when she marries Hades. Yes, he did traumatized Persephone with the arranged marriage but at least the gift is a huge compensation XD

"The Siceliotae who dwell in the island have received the tradition from their ancestors, the report having ever been handed down successively from earliest time by one generation to the next, that the island is sacred to Demeter and Core; although there are certain poets who recount the myth that at the marriage of Pluton (Hades) and Persephone Zeus gave this island as a wedding present to the bride." - Library of History by Diodorus Siculus

On a final note, Zeus also helps Demeter and Persephone out with the harvest in Sicily apparently.

"That the ancient inhabitants of Sicily, the Sicani, were indigenous, is stated by the best authorities among historians, also that the goddesses we have mentioned (Demeter and Core/Persephone) first made their appearance on this island, and that it was the first, because of the fertility of the soil, to bring forth the fruit of the corn, facts to which the most renowned of the poets also bears witness when he writes: But all these things grow there for them unsown And e'en untilled, both wheat and barley, yea, And vines, which yield such wine as fine grapes give, And rain of Zeus gives increase unto them. Indeed, in the plain of Leontini, we are told, and throughout many other parts of Sicily the wheat men call "wild" grows even to this day." - Library of History by Diodorus Siculus

[kennytheworkingclasshero]

I hate it when people characterise Kenny as a deadbeat person who takes advantage of other people. You literally know nothing about my son, leave him alone.

[diamondsunbursts-and-marblehalls]

I love the way that Grover wouldn't even have been able to protect Percy the way he did when they met in school if Percy wasn't the kind of person to befriend and look after someone who he thought couldn't do that themselves.

I love that it didn't occur to Grover that Percy was protecting him because it's not humans Grover is scared of. He's bullied but he just brushes it off because he's never had experience with the kind of monsters that humans can become, Percy didn't let it get to that point.

I love the way it didn't occur to Percy that Grover was protecting him because Percy isn't worried about monsters or gods, Grover protected him from that, but Percy knows people. He's lived with Gabe for years, and that's the kind of monster he's had experience with.

A huge reason that Percy has always been so fearless facing the gods, and continued to be able to protect people the way that he always did, is because of his experience with both kinds of monsters.

He doesn't hesitate to fight Ares on the beach because he recognizes that kind of monster. An arrogant and cruel man who preys on anyone who he thinks can't protect themselves. He's fighting Ares, but he sees who he's been fighting his whole life: Gabe.

Percy never had an issue putting the gods in their place because he was never the type of kid to lay down when someone was walking all over him, and never the type to let anyone else do that. The gods acting the way they did closed the gap between the type of monsters he was used to and the type of monster that came with the job description as a demigod. Everything he went through with Gabe gave him the power he needed to start the fight, and the force he gained as a demigod gave him the power he needed to finish it.

He grew up with someone like Gabe, and instead of following in his footsteps, Percy became the exact opposite of him. Not only that, he became the type of person who won't stand for anyone to be treated the way Gabe treated him and Sally.

He's a force to be reckoned with not only because of his abnormally strong powers as a child of the big three but also because of his worldly experience and understanding that hydras, furies, chimeras and minotaurs aren't the only monsters and that any monster can be beaten.

[demuredeadbeat]

I feel like I should make it clearer I'm into motorcycles.

[doublel27]

@lurkingshan I loved your tags. Hope you don’t mind me stealing them to use here because

Mostly because, Yak gave the biggest younger sibling energy here and I was reminded why, as the oldest, I nearly always vibe harder with the elder sibling. I’m not even mad or disappointed. Younger sibling fails to see the sacrifices that have been made on their behalf or how they’ve been protected from the worst of their family, or worse is mad about it:

Like, the whole fight that Yak and Yei are having is about Yei not involving Yak and treating him like a baby and here is Yak failing to see anything from Yei’s perspective because he’s been sheltered. (This is not all younger siblings but it’s not uncommon)

Dad is only the enemy if you both see him as the enemy and as Yei has been largely shouldering his burdens alone that his parents have left him with, I don’t think Yak ever viewed Dad as the enemy we all did. Yak seemed genuinely pleased that their dad showed up in the boxing gym a few eps ago even if it was to mostly yell at Yak for failing. He seemed upset when Yei cut the conversation short and made him come practice instead of continuing to engage with their dad. As an audience we all got it but, Yak didn’t realize how much Yei had on his plate and what he was struggling with. Some of that is on Yei, but most of it is on their parents (including mom who was like it’s up to you now to take care of your brother) rather than tasking her husband with that, and Dad for just dipping. Some of that is that Yak honestly has never actually thought about it because Yei and Cher take care of everything.

But it’s also easier to make Yei the villain and be mad at Yei because Yei isn’t going to go anywhere. Yei is the most stable adult in Yak’s life (after Cher of course). Yei will take the punches and keep showing up because that’s who he is.

Dad on the other hand is wet paper who cant take a punch and Yak still wants something from him, approval, a second chance at goodbye…which is common amongst the younger siblings.

Yak won’t come around for real until Dad survives cancer and dips on them again. Because that’s how that usually works. Or you know, asks for the deed back or suggests that the boxing gym is part theirs now because his wife helped. 🫠

Anyway, team Yei should stay mad at dad and everyone should have backed him. My bluest boy remains the best and deserves the whole world.

[waitineedaname]

the funny thing about tianlang-jun is that mxtx writes terrible fathers and incredible uncles, and tianlang-jun manages to be both

[sciderman]

spectacular spider-man #122

[brbarou]

Can you tell us about your journey as a creative? I know you showed us some of your old art a couple months ago, and I'm sort of curious about that in a more general sense! I suppose to put it more specifically a question I would ask is how did you arrive at the style you have now that I could only really describe as "squishy" like if I gave one of your drawings a hug they would squoomsh

sure! under cut cause i ended up yapping

i went through various mediums and styles of art when i was younger – i tried colored pencils, markers, watercolors, acrylics i tried drawing primarily anime, i tried semi-realism, i tried landscape art and all the while i was >obsessed< with the notion of “”finding my style”” as if that’s something you just come across or decide on one day. like i fully believed that all of the amazing artists i follow just sat down one day and decided on what their style would look like, so i constantly tried doing the same. and it never worked!!

i think the desire find MY art style had a lot to do with defining my identity as an artist. it’s nice to be consistent and have people recognize that – but also, i just tended to be veeery hyperfocused on getting better at art when i was younger. i was an extremely jealous child, especially when it came to drawing. instead of bonding with other kids who were into drawing i saw them as mortal enemies for some reason. drawing was supposed to be >my< thing, how dare they try to do it as well!!! so i guess i thought that if i landed on a style it would give me some sort of status over them or something. it was very silly and stupid

around high school is when everything changed. i had never realized just how constraining traditional art was to me before i started drawing digitally. i always had so many ambitious ideas i wanted to execute and couldn’t because i didn’t have the adequate tools or i didn’t own That One Particular Shade of Blue that i wanted to use God i Wish i had That Particular shade of blue etc. so digital art was perfect for me i finally felt like i could do whatever i wanted

i also met new friends in high school and they were artists as well! and upon seeing the way in which they interacted with one another and with me – just constantly hyping each other up, complimenting each other in a way that didn’t feel backhanded at all, just genuine support and happiness brought on by the fact that all of us draw – and i was like damn. yeah this is awesome. why wasn’t i like this before? i genuinely forgot how i could’ve ever felt jealous of other people for being into art when sharing that with others is so awesome!! you can collab and draw things for one another and learn from each other and it’s so cool!

so the combination of acquiring a better mindset about art + taking on digital art just resulted in me not being so frustrated all the time, which in turn resulted in me just….drawing without thinking about having or not having a style. and that’s how i “found” it. i just kept drawing. i’m still young and my style will keep changing as the years go by and it makes sense. i don’t really think about it at all anymore. just do what you like doing in art and eventually it’ll all fall into place. plus, Everyone has a style. even if you think you don’t. it’s kind of like accents. “ooh i don’t really think i have an accent…” you do. and if you draw, you have an art style. just give it some time so simmer

[ianthesmells]

i think part of what makes vi so boring in s2 is that she's just not a deadbeat loser boyfriend. after her pit fighting scene i wanted her to drunk drive some stupid hoverboard (or whatever futuristic vehicle she's gonna steal) over to caitlyn's mansion and bang on her door demanding she let her in so they can "just talk"