#not in a productive way mind you.
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it is warm finally and i am 3 days covid negative so i went on a silly little 20-30min walk down to the park i only vaguely knew existed for my ~mental health~ and now my brain is like. buzzing.
#not in a productive way mind you.#but pleasantly nonetheless.#probably should continue this practice hmmmm#life with sao
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The thing is Dipper would go insane if he lived in Hatchetfield, and Pete would just straight up get murdered if he lived in Gravity Falls.
#you cannot tell me that dipper wouldnt be freaked out of his mind about all of hatchetfield#i feel like pete would just ignore journal 3 or instantly give it to ted. either way hed be much more reluctant to join in on the gf hijinks#meanwhile mabel is completely enamoured with miss holloway and ted is fuming about the lack of women his age#crossovers are fun#starkid#hatchetfield#team starkid#starkid productions#peter spankoffski#pete spankoffski#gravity falls#dipper pines
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had a bunch of frustrating and awful imaginary conversations in my head today w the person who dumped me 👍
#really productive#imaginary conversations the only conversations i can have with them though am i right ladies!!!#not that they would let me talk to them before this anyhow!#sergle.txt#the only way you can talk to someone who shuts you out as a person! is in your MIND!!!!!#no it's not helping me process YES it's making me feel WORSE!!!!!!!
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bruce wayne encountering cat noir somehow and clocking that he’s:
✅a silly little guy
✅does flips and whatnot
✅dressed like a cat
and is immediately like I’ve Got To Adopt This Kid. He Would Fit Right In With All My Other Little Freaks.
Alfred is reminding him as he gets home that he can’t adopt every kid he sees, some still have parents!!!
#my mind palace#adrien agreste#batman#cat noir#bruce is like “close enough welcome home robin#adrien is just thrilled to have a parent that actually wants him around#i imagine bruce collects kids he finds the same way a 16 year old girl with a big heart collects stuffed animals with production defects#he texts selina like hey just making sure you didn’t have a kid and leave it outside. if u did i’m taking it lol#she texts back just ?????????
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A sentence that I cannot say among my musical circle because I'd be bullied immediately: European musicals are ten times better than Broadway ones 😔
#'it's a huge amount of proshots isn't it?' - WELL YEAH THAT TOO.#it's kind of funny how eurasia basically gatekeeps musicals from america... heh... or is it the other way around..?#and you know what? that's probably for the best.#why am I saying eurasia? cause the amount of productions japan and korea did of euromusicals is insane. I'm not even mentioning china tours#european musicals#to hell with it. I will list the ones that come to mind first.#romeo et juliette#mozart l'opera rock#elisabeth das musical#tanz der vampire#le rouge et le noir#le roi soleil#rebecca das musical#notre dame de paris#szentivánéji álom#норд-ост#okay that one was very personal#монте-кристо мюзикл#мастер и маргарита мюзикл#демон онегина#la légende du roi arthur#les trois mousquetaires
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i guess another thing that I feel like might be worth sharing is that, like.
when my dad first passed, the only way I could cope was to block it out entirely. and i felt like i was losing my mind, but sometimes I’d literally have to tell myself shit like “that didn’t happen, he’s still here, everything is fine” to get through a busy day especially. and I was so scared to tell anyone that’s what I had to resort to. but my therapist told me it’s incredibly common. obviously at some point u have to come out of that and accept the reality of it, but that’s smth you can’t really force either. it’s okay to take however much time you need
our brains do weird things to cope and grieve. it’s okay. one step at a time. sometimes that means just coming up with a way to get through the next hour, sometimes even just ten minutes. I hate that so many people have to learn what this kinda thing feels like but at least we have each other. pls don’t be afraid to reach out to ppl in the community, and if you have the space to do so, check in on your friends rn. the little things go a long way, now more than ever.
#also! my art therapist told me that repetitive art tasks like crocheting is a BIG way our brains can process smth like this#gives us smth to focus on and makes it feel a bit safer to let your mind wander sometimes#and then you also get a feeling of accomplishment or productivity without pushing yourself to do anything ‘huge’#even tho getting yourself to participate in whatever tactile thing you like doing can feel like climbing a mountain#anyway. all i can rly do is share what helped me and will continue to help me navigate all this#and again i’m here for all of u#ilysm#rowyn rambles
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sometimes in the fandom you see some art that is SO beautifully made but goes SO against the grain of how you perceive the drawn character(s) like I want to reblog it so much because it's so visually gorgeous and the artist is amazing and deserves to know this but I'll fucking die before letting that particular interpretation of the character(s) anywhere near my blog
#personal#don't take it as vagueposting#it's about A LOT of art I've seen over the years and I just got reminded of some of it#fandoms in general tend to take the characterization of nuanced characters in certain very specific direction#that irritates me to an absolutely unreasonable degree#and I don't want to rain on anyone's parades#it's fandom and it's for fun there is no way to enjoy your fictional guys wrong#so I mostly keep silent about it#but given sufficient time pretty much every fandom drifts into the state where I can't engage with it#without seeing red like three posts into the tag#even the art tag#and I feel so weird sitting there with my different perception#pretty isolated#which is self-imposed and not exactly bad but still weird#luckily I have some close friends that I can still have in-depth discussions abt the media and characters with#but online fandoming eventually gets blood-boiling rather than fulfilling#which is especially idk weird?#given that I'm mostly drawing fandom stuff#and I kinda SHOULD be interacting with the fandom#and I'd love to have talks of those fictional guys#they are great guys and I love to talk about them#but then I poke my nose into the fandom and my blood gets boiling#it's weird being a fandom artist outside of the fandom is what I'm saying xD#especially once you get used to the boost of motivation and productivity that comes from being in the fandom#and I kinda miss that but also well nothing to be done about that#don't mind me and sorry for the rant
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re: your magneto wip: god, you got his hair the PERFECT length in that one. hope you’re gonna post the finished version?
and his nose?? they could never get me off that no— *gunshots*
THATS WHAT I MEAN i fear ill never drop a better mags than that one …… and dont worry my friend, the full piece(s) will be posted in due time ;]
Also PLEASEE control yourself dnOOSJAKSN
#snap chats#PLEASE DOSKDSK thank you tho 😭😭#i love drawin his nose… big fan of Shaped noses . if thats a thing. i just know i like drawing his the most#BUT YESYES of courseill post the whole thing …. are you craycray…#im fighting every impulse to post it now BUT i must wait#you’ll see why in about hmmm two weeks 🥰 ‘snap you asshole’ BE NICE TO ME#trust id love to work on the next pieces i have in store but i do have other responsibilities 😞 <- playing marvel rivals#OWNSAK OK NO I ACTUALLY DO MR is just my new way to wind down …#anyways thats enough rambling outta me. ty for all the love on the mags wip everyone !!!!!!#im excited to show the finished product later this month its nothing crazy big but i think its cute and lovely ☺️#and i hope youll like the other shrprises in store … hehe … courtesy of one (1) lovely mind you#BUT WE’LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE !!!!
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“Not a soul assigned to their case at the Bureau could make sense of their existence. There wasn’t a single scientist, parapsychologist, doctor, or specialist with over a dozen PHD’s under the sun that could figure them out. Pyrokinesis in a human? They defy every law of nature, yet they exist amongst humanity regardless. How do you explain that?” “The truth is that there are a lot of unknown things out there in the world that mankind hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of. Everyone flocked to this case trying to find rational answers, but there aren’t any. Look at the files in your hands. By the eyes of science, Pyro should not exist. Don’t you know what happens to things mankind doesn’t understand? The Bureau has done sickening things to them in the name of research.” “That’s why I helped them escape, Conagher.”
Excerpt from the novel INCENDIARY; A TF2 Pyro origin story Read the latest chapter of 'Incendiary' on AO3 here! Artwork created by the incredible @narklos ♡
#tf2#tf2 pyro#if you're reading this hello!! I'm the author of this story!#I was basically struck with an idea one day... what if I created a whole pyro origin story with deep world building and original characters#7 years later here I am :)#the pyro origin story nobody asked for but is getting anyways!#while it is on track to be a origin-type novel it is also still very much a self-indulgent fanfic#I still have a long ways to go before this fic is done but this is by far one of the most ambitious projects Ive ever done for any fandom#and I hope you all love it too <3#also CAN I JUST SAY#NARKLOS IS A GOD#I gave him a vision and he just blew my fucking mind away with the final product that I'm still in awe about this#Narklos if you're reading this ILY and I can't wait to work with you again <3#also I should mention that the excerpt IS in the story but in a future chapter that isn’t out yet#but it was fitting for this post :)
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who's gonna be my little guinea pig for sett's arcane verse —
#✘ — [ ooc ]#tbd#or are y'all gonna make me bring out the dart board and pick at random...#a mr. jayce talis to plot with would be nice#sett's also got ties to a lot of the chem barons so that'd be a pretty easy way in too —#he fits right in when he visits zaun. and i know he's shaken hands with piltover enforcers...#A LOT of his ( illegal ) product is shipped through there.#he has dealings with a few noxians. ambessa very likely being one of them.#( tho that's definitely a more “you stay out of my business — i stay out of yours” sort of transaction...#but it'd be interesting to explore the lead up to that. that's not really...arcane stuff. but still. )#i just —#i spent the night at maddie's and we watched the rest of arcane and IT'S BEEN ON MY MIND EVER SINCE !! IT WON'T STOP !#but also maddie is such a good friend#if y'all don't follow @ tamedgod you're really missing out fr#like what are you doing —
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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[i will probably delete this later but for other pokepasta blogs hanging around, i (starry) am making interactions open with my currently available characters (ace, fire, glitchy, and leaf sorry blue/mike/steven fans) open for other ask/rp blog's muses/characters.
these will be non-canon, but that also means that even while the main story's on hiatus, i'm open to receiving and answering these in the meantime! ive been seeing other blog interactions circle in the pokepasta ask/rp blog sphere a fair bit more lately and it seems like a lot of fun, esp now that we know what we're doing with mn a bit better. i am also planning/hoping to send a few out to other blogs as well ^^
i'll tag these posts as "mn noncanon" for sorting or filtering purposes. i dont rly have any rules i'll lay down other than like... specify if your muse is interacting with them Physically or via the Drones for the cam crew]
#delete later#mn noncanon#not mn#[given the hiatus has been for the sake of getting things set up for future (we've been truckin away at that)#these will probably be treated a bit more casually in terms of art production n the speed at which i answer ^^'#so please keep that in mind!]#[as for updates on. actual story updates. ive started work on the next Proper Update as we've decided to resume things before the-#secret project is done given. who knows how long that'll take. it'll still be worth it i promise :]#the place we'll resume into will go on to be a sort of... event you could say. we just have to get things ready first.#i consider stuff like this and Descent to be good ways to get back into the swing of writing/illustrating for the blog in the meantime! ^^]
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It's actually kind of heartbreaking how many people feel their life has ended right after high school or college, and honestly, the heavy romanticization of that period of time is so overwhelmingly predominant that it can be hard to avoid. It's insidious to constantly be told that ages 10-24 are the only worthwhile parts of life, that everything after is essentially meaningless and dull.
It's hard not to look around you and think that your life still is open and full of potential when you're told over and over again that the rose-tinted childhood is the last time you were alive. It's hard to realize that your life isn't over when you walk off the stage of your graduation.
We must realize that we will always be full of potentials. Your life won't be over until you take your final breath, and then? That's simply another chapter in your story, one of many. Let yourself realize that you're alive in the here and now. There will be good and bad, but never a complete loss of potential or hope.
#positivity#it's just... weird when you see somebody your age who says how over their life feels you know?#and i feel for them. i feel their pain and the emptiness of not knowing what's next or what you should do#and that's sometimes the scary part of life. but your story isn't over yet#one day it will be. one day you'll put the pen down and dry the ink on the yellowed pages and close your book of life. but that's not today#you are allowed to be an aimless spirit. you are allowed to breathe in without the crushing weight of productivity#the idea that your only potential happens when you're too young to realize it is wrong#your potential has nothing to do with feeling your youth and how little you know#it is hard to really internalize this and remind yourself to make space for hope and positivity...#...and you might not be ready to internalize this. that's okay. i'll wait with you (in a strictly spiritual sense)#we can wait together and not think about any of it. just to rest and collect our minds and feel the world hold its breath with us#all this to say that your life isn't over yet. you don't have to beat yourself up over not having lived at fucking 18#allow yourself the compassion to realize that you needed time to grow and mature and explore the world in your own way
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Coming in to play! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Webkinz#Webkinz hours! The cute lads have wedged their way back to the forefront of my mind haha#I'm honestly really glad I kept all my Webkinz plush over time and they've survived all the moves and whatnot#Some are still missing - most notably my horses for some reason - but I have the rest onhand and they're still cute and soft and I love them#Getting the opportunity to name and play with them as a young'un made them stick quite strongly in my mind ♪#And I still find some of my design sensibilities with their roots in the gameplay/game design/UI design/interactivity#I think it inspired some of my Video Game Design brain which is an aspect of myself I'm quite happy with :D#And I /love/ plushies probably now more than ever <3 So I'm doubly glad younger me didn't get rid of them haha#Got my lineup that featured in Tala's Requestober this year ♥ I left out a couple for what are probably obvious reasons ahem ahem#If you haven't seen what the Official design of the clownfish is in Webkinz... The plushy is arguably worse lol why that one of all of them#Hire me to design Webkinz fish I dare you#There are actually several cute fish - and several ugly ones! Lol I don't know why they're so inconsistent#It's not like the differences between Signature and Classic! Most of the fish are Classic or eStore! I don't know what gives lol#Anyway lol the other one I left out was my Night Mare since I couldn't remember his name either - which is a shame! I liked him#I still have some fairly clear memories of playing Webkinz with those lads <3 Of the different rooms and relationships and games#It's nostalgic! It's nice to reminisce on something so cheery and cute and light and fluffy :)#As for the rest hehe - I tend to pick up 'kinz whenever I find them at secondhand shops and the like - much like Lalaloopsies#They're out of production! Harder to find - rare and valuable haha totally#I haven't found any New With Tags so far but I'm on the hunt still!! Someday it'll be my turn...#But I Have found some really adorable fellows for cents on the dollar haha <3 Two Blue Whales and a Sheep and Duck!! So cute#My latest find was a Lil'kinz Lioness Cub and she is - So tiny <3 Really adorably constructed with a fluffy nose ahhh ♪#The Long Eared Bunny is my current Free 'kinz! I unfortunately lost the account with Baaby so I had to start over again but that's alright#This time I've got Embroidery and she's in a closet cosplay of Edgar haha - black-and-grey striped shirt with dark pants and round glasses#And angel wings! I was able to snag those from the Ganz website and they're perfect honestly haha ♥ She won an Open Beauty Pageant with it!#Couple of her with Sugar - my first Webkinz I got to play with since Diamond's tag was thrown away :') Sugar's my oldest 'kinz <3#And of her with smol's Free 'kinz since I convinced her to play with me off and on haha - her Leonberger named Borgus :D#And then one final one of what I'd really like - a Webkinz Spider ;;♥ I /know/ they've made spider objects that are really cute!#And April Fools' fake pets of a spider!! Give me the fluffy spider please Ganz even if there's no plushie I just need to pet the spider
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Thinking really hard about system Zane right now.
#alek insanity#ninjago#i had a conversation with a certain somebody (you know who you are) and now he's rotating in my mind again#i might draw out my alter hcs sometimes... or talk about them...#hes in denial real bad. bro keeps the system on LOCK DOWN but not in the pixaI system manager productive way
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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