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When I Feel That Something (I Want To Hold Your Hand)
T | Steve Harrington / Eddie Munson | tags : Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship | cw : Period-Typical Homophobia, Discussions of Homophobia
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It’s late and it’s been a long but lazy day. Eddie and Steve decided to go to that one diner in town that’s open late.
Eddie was drumming along to a nonexistent tune, his fingertips tap tapping away on his lap. He looked over at Steve very studiously reading the menu.
“You’re actually getting something different?”
“Nah.” Steve said without looking up. Eddie grinned. He figured as much. Steve was a creature of habit. Eddie was pretty sure he’d anyurize if they came here one day and they were out of strawberry ice cream for his milkshake.
And then he felt it. The slick bastard…. Without taking his eyes off the menu Steve had slipped his hand onto Eddie’s lap and tangled up their fingers.
He’s tenacious. Eddie’ll give ‘im that. Of course one glance around the diner and Eddie was elbowing Steve between the ribs.
“Hey.” Steve held the same hand against where Eddie had jabbed him as if it actually hurt, the big baby. “What was that for -“
“Heya. I’m Mylene. What can I get y’all tonight?” Eddie gave Steve a fabulously vindicated, ‘I told you so’ look as their waitress materialized.
She must be new or something because Eddie’s never seen her working here before.
Eddie let Steve order for him, because he too, is a creature of habit and Steve knows what he likes. The waitress hadn’t seen anything, clearly - considering she’s definitely flirting with him.
She’s pretty too. Soft, delicate face. A real Miss Indiana.
Eddie pretends to study his rings and Steve pretends not to notice her overtures.
And that’s as good as it’s ever gonna get.
As soon as she walked away Eddie could feel Steve scooting closer.
“Sittin’ awful close there, Stevie.” Eddie teased, smiling casually and looking straight ahead.
“Yeah, yeah…” he heard Steve slide back a few inches down the seat. Eddie snuck a glance and chuckled.
“You’re lucky you’re pretty when you pout.” Eddie whispered, nonchalantly stretching to rest his arms over the back of the booth. For just a second, he let the tip of his thumb brush the back of Steve’s neck.
Softly, Eddie hummed that one song Steve put on when he was feeling corny. I wanna hold your hand-a-aand. I wanna hold your hand. Because Eddie did. Really did.
Steve smiled ruefully, but - He was smiling. As good that was ever gonna get either.
When they get their separate checks, and no she didn’t ask, Steve’s had a number scribbled on the bottom. Next to the waitresses name and a little heart. Eddie huffed dryly, like maybe it was funny.
Steve reached past him and crumpled it. Left it there with the discarded napkins as they got up to leave.
“Can you believe her?” Steve muttered after they had stepped out of the diner and into the dark and cold. Eddie shoved his fists in his pockets to keep them warm.
Steve looked back at Eddie expectantly.
“Can’t fault a gal for good taste.” He shrugged. She didn’t do anything untoward. Eddie knew that. Steve did too. Still he was high strung, his shoulders tensed as they walked up to the van.
“You gotta get your head in the game, man.” Eddie said, opening the driver side door.
“What are you talking about?” Steve said, pausing in front of the open passenger side to look up and bite the inside of his cheek. When they were both inside they closed the doors and locked out the night chill.
“Come on, Stevie.” And then more reluctantly, almost apologetic he said, “You know what I’m talking about…”
“Yeah.” Steve pouted. God, what an adorable, majestic labradoodle of a man. Eddie never stood a chance…
Steve crossed his arms, uncrossed them. Crossed them again. “This sucks.”
“Yeah.” Eddie shrugged. “Doesn’t matter though. No, I’m serious. Stop with the face. I’m not gonna risk you getting - “ Eddie huffed. Obviously, Eddie wasn’t upset with him. But honestly… would it so hard for Steve, just once in his life, to not be quite so brave and shining and true. Just once.
For Eddie’s sake if not his own.
“You.” He said, “Do not get to get hurt over this shit. Capiche?” Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw Steve mouth the word Capiche back to himself. Eddie valiantly resisted the urge to roll his eyes back into his skull. The two of them actually do have to take turns being entirely juvenile or nothing ever gets done around here. “I’m not - fucking letting that happen, alright? It’s just not worth the risk. So yeah. It sucks. But you gotta stop - “
“What?” Steve raised a bitchy eyebrow.
Eddie laughed, a bit startled at how just fond that look makes him feel. “Being cute.”
“Being cute?” Steve scoffed.
“Mmhmm.” Eddie said pulling out of the parking lot. “Cute.” He nodded definitively.
Steve rolled his eyes. He quietly waited for Eddie to finish fiddling with the radio, til he found a compromise worthy station, before speaking again.
“Ok, well.” Steve looked around. The roads were empty. It was dark. “What about, now….?”
Eddie lolled his head to look the opposite direction as Steve, biting his lip to hold back a ridiculously satisfied smile. Only then could he bare it - to glance at his boyfriend.
He was so sure Steve could see the big cartoon hearts in his eyes. It was annoying, when he was trying so hard to give Steve the ‘I told you to quit it’ eyes.
Steve put his hand over Eddie’s on the stick shift and locked their fingers together. Made a petulant noise, as if he was in active defiance.
“You’re one to talk about being obvious…”. Steve muttered
Eddie laughed. Steve had him dead to rights on that one.
“You know usually you’re meant to look at the road when you’re driving.”
Yeah usually. But then there was Steve in his car. Which, made it hard. And Eddie was a weak, weak man.
“God Steve Harrington... I love you so much sometimes it makes me sick.” He said smirking. Shaking his head at himself more than anything.
Sue him. He’s got Steve Harrington (yes that one) on his arm. He’s gonna be a little bit love struck for the rest of his life.
But now Steve was just slightly pink and biting his lip. Trying to contain himself, struggle against the upward tilt playing at the corner of his mouth. Still playing at mad while giving Eddie the ooiest, gooiest of eyes.
“Shut up…”
“Yeah. Because you fell in love with me for my strong but silent demeanor.”
“Yeah.” Steve looked out the window and huffed a laugh, squeezing his hand. “Something like that…”
Eddie still has no idea what about his ‘wet rat on the run from Johnny Law’ look had managed to charm Steve, but he refused to question it.
Eddie shifted the car in a higher gear, but Steve hand stayed right there on his. Didn’t move the rest of the way home.
When they got back to the trailer, they puttered around in easy silence. It was familiar. Eddie kind of loved it. That Steve didn’t even ask before raiding his pack of beers. That he had shirts in the dresser and a toothbrush next to Eddie’s and that he left his ridiculous shampoo here even though he knows Eddie’s been siphoning from it.
Hell, at this point he knew what drawer they kept the spatula. It was downright domestic.
That’s right folks. Eddie Munson had officially gone soft.
They were hanging out in his bedroom, Eddie playing his guitar at the head of the bed, one leg hanging off it and the other bent at the knee. Steve crisscross on the foot of the bed tossing a baseball of unknown origin up and down.
“I wish I could hold your hand.” He said, catching the ball just to stare at it.
“Steve.”
“No. It’s - I should be able to. It’s messed up.”
Eddie shrugged. Because such is life, amright? No point getting bent up out of shape about shit so, so very far out of your control.
Steve just sighed.
Because Eddie was used to the uh, - sociological blue balling. Whereas Steve, was not. Because Steve was new to all this.
“You can hold my hand now.” Eddie offered, but then he looked down at his guitar and thought about the riff he had almost perfected. “Ok, well not now.”
He stuck up his leg in the air and offered it in Steve’s direction.
“Here take this.” He said. Steve gave him an unimpressed face. Or maybe he could just smell Eddie’s socks and that look was judgement. Eddie wiggled his leg around in front of him a bit until Steve relented and pulled Eddie’s foot into his lap. Eddie grinned satisfactorily.
The baseball ended up rolling onto the floor and under the bed. Likely from whence it came. Steve barely even noticed. Still looking the wrong side of forlorn.
“Maybe I just don’t know what I’m missing out on.” Eddie shrugged, going back to running scales.
“I wish you did…”
“You wish I knew what I was missing out on so I’d suffer the more for not having it?” Eddie raised an eyebrow. “That’s pretty fucked up, Stevie.”
Steve rolled his eyes, leaning back against the wall.
“I want - fuck, man… I wanna just kiss you whenever I feel like it. Put my arm around you when I feel like it. And you know what? Yeah, maybe I want you to know what it feels like to get shown off a little. You… you should be, deserve to get shown off, you know…”
Eddie looked up at Steve. He was staring into space looking wistful. Sad. His hand still vaguely holding Eddie’s ankle. Eddie gently set his Baby down on the floor, propped up against the nightstand. Refocused his attention on his other Baby. Steve turned his neck to face Eddie, head tilted against the wall.
“It sucks. When you’re sitting right there and it can’t be like how I want it to be.”
“How do you want it?” Eddie risked indulging the hypothetical.
“I want em to know you’re mine.” Steve shrugged, picking at loose thread on Eddie’s thread bare jeans.
Eddie flopped back onto the bed, head sinking deep into his pillow. Sometimes it was like Steve was trying to stop Eddie’s heart in its tracks. He glared at Steve down the bridge of his nose.
“I thought I told you to stop being cute.” He pretended to grouse.
Steve’s lip twitched up but it didn’t clear the upset on his face.
“Can’t help it I guess…” Steve said quietly. Distracted.
“No. I guess you can’t.” Eddie agreed. He outstretched his arms, raising them and leaving them suspended in the air. Beckoning for his sweet prince. Waiting for his Steve to come fall into them. “Come on.” He encouraged, with a begrudging tone -one he’s sure was deeply unconvincing.
Steve crawled up the bed, and sunk down on top of his chest. Christ, he was he heavy. And warm. Like the sexiest, most suffocating sleeping blanket to ever hit the market. The last blanket Eddie’d ever need.
Eddie really did love the way Steve used his chest as a pillow. Steve settled so he was mostly not crushing Eddie’s lungs. He snuggled his cheek against his usual spot. Right over where Eddie’s got that screaming face tatt, just getting comfortable.
Eddie ran a hand up and down his shoulder, hoping it did something to soothe this something in Steve. Squeezed his arms around him. Snuggled his own cheek against the top of Steve’s head.
“You think I wouldn’t be running around town screaming about, Steve Harrington, man of my dreams if I could.” He said eventually. He could hear Steve rolls his eyes. “Here ye, here ye! Thine King has the tightest, hottest, most fuckab-“
Steve pushed him away with a hand on his cheek.
“I’ll show you fuckable…” Steve mimicked, muttering nonsense. He looked up at Eddie from his chest. Eddie looked down at him, with a positively lecherous eyebrow.
A look that said, Oh baby. You already are.
And yet… Steve wasn’t preening. Usually he loved how Eddie could lighten the mood. Made light of things because sometimes it did start to make them feel lighter. Said it helped when he got too in his head. But Eddie got the distinct feeling Steve wanted to… talk.
Perhaps counterintuitively… Eddie’s not the best at that. He can never seem to shut the hell up, until something important comes along and his silver tongue leaves him like a filthy deserter.
“This comes with the territory of being little Missus Munson, hey stop it! Stop it! Hmph. Ow…”
Steve did stop trying to poke him to death with his pointer finger. Eddie sighed.
“It does though… It comes with the… me.”
“Eddie. S’not like it’s your fault.”
“Yeah… Doesn’t mean I can do anything to change it.” He said quietly. Staring at the ceiling so he didn’t have to look at Steve. “I remember you in highschool. You always had some girl on your arm.” He said, eyebrows raised and sounding detached.
Steve poked at him again which made Eddie wriggle but it didn’t shut him up.
“You’d be… holding hands in the hallway. Making out against your locker. Under the bleachers… In the lunchroom...”
“Eddie.” Steve frowned. Eddie shrugged the shoulder Steve wasn’t lying on, resigned.
“I - can’t give you that, Steve.” He said simply, though words rose like bile in his throat. “This is… You can take it or you can leave it. But if you ever want to just,” Eddie felt too big for his skin. Felt sick and warm. Felt like his heart suddenly forgot its easy, devil-may-care rhythm. Which is why he tried not to think about it. This. Not to dream of things so far out of his reach. His eyebrows drew together. “You ever want to just - hold hands and walk down the street again… I’m not the person for that. You’re gonna have to um, your gonna need to, uh, find someone else.”
Someone like Mylene, Eddie thought numbly.
“Eddie.” Steve’s head rose from his chest. His face all twisted up. With that unconscionably cute pissed off little frown of his, the one he puts on when he gets all serious. The one for which Eddie had no earthly defense.
God, Eddie hated when his heart did this. Ached.
“Stop it. Don’t - I want to hold your hand. Show you off. Kiss you. Kiss you whenever I feel like it.” He scoffed. “Not just like for the fuck of it. What’s the point if it’s anybody but you, stupid.”
Eddie managed to smile. It was small and sad and he still couldn’t look at him. But it was there - and a lot more earnest than Eddie lets himself be a lot of the time.
Steve moved up his body and pressed his forehead to Eddie’s temple. Grounded them both at that point of contact.
“Hey.” Steve whispered. Eddie did finally face him. Prayed his eyes looked less scared than he felt. Steve put a warm open palm on the side of his neck. Slid it up to rest on his cheek. Stroking his thumb back and forth purposefully. He nosed at Eddie’s other cheek. “Hey. I love you. I really - I really need this. You.” He could feel the warmth of his breath in the shape of the words. Eddie dragged his nose down the bridge of Steve’s. He loved the way their skin on skin felt. Loved the way it made him feel, how it transported him somewhere simple and safe.
Like those ruby slippers from Wizard of Oz. Press them together, and suddenly… you’re home again.
Like magic.
“It kind of scares the shit out of me when you talk like that.” Steve said, quiet and pretending it hurts less than it really does.
Eddie closed his eyes and squeezed Steve in his arms.
“M’sorry.” Eddie mumbled into his neck. “…You know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Right?”
“I better be.” Steve ribbed gently.
“We’ll uh,” he cleared his throat, but it still felt like there were like, rocks stuck in there or something. He tried again. “You won’t ever be able to get married… can’t have kids - s’illegal and all.”
“So what? Ya know? So what. I get to have… this, right?” He grinned, reverently running a hand through Eddie’s mess of hair. Scratching his fingernails softly into the back of his neck. “And I’d like to see them try and take that from me. I have a pretty scary bat, you know.”
“I heard about that.” Eddie murmured.
“Yeah? It’s all covered in like, nails and demon blood and everything.” He laughed softly, pressing his face into Eddie’s hair.
“You’re very metal, baby.” Eddie said, placing a kiss on his neck.
“And don’t think I won’t use it.” Now it Steve trying to unsuccessfully lighten the mood.
Eddie uncurled and laid back, just staring at the ceiling.
“You want it though. You’ve always wanted that…”
“Well. Yeah…”
Eddie’s eyes start to sting and somewhere in the back of his head his dad’s voice is there telling him to stop being a pussy, that he’s being a real baby about this, that he’s always been a fucking idiot. He’s too loose limbed and sedated to bother toughen up. Too tired to be impenetrable.
Steve kissed him. On the cheek, softer than anything else in Eddie’s life.
Eddie’s been slowly trying to wisen up to the fact that uh. When he and Steve are all pretzeled up like this, their whole bodies a tangle. When it’s dark and quiet and just them. It’s actually fine to feel like a pussy, and a total baby, and a fucking idiot. It just makes Steve kiss him like that. Squeeze a little tighter. Makes him want to stay folded up like this longer, as long as they can. Even when Steve like really, really has to pee.
Eddie doesn’t know what the fuck he’s gonna do with himself when he looses this too. Steve nuzzles up against him, make a small sound. If, he tried to remind himself. If he looses it.
Pretty please, Jesus fucking Christ - Please be an if.
“I wanna marry you Eddie.”
“Ok.” Eddie shrugged, disaffected. He wants to marry Steve too.
He also wants a million dollars, a 84’ Flying V, to be trapped in an elevator with Gary Gygax for like 30 minutes, because he’s got some serious ideas about the rules alright?
He wants to be a rock star. He wants Wayne to be able to retire.
The wanting is the problem. It’s an indulgence that doesn’t do anyone much good. That just precedes a dull, drawn out ache.
Steve sat up very suddenly, straddling Eddie’s hips. And God, if Eddie’s not a boy because he’s way too easily distracted by Steve sitting on his dick. Steve stretches an arm out to reach over Eddie. He puts his hands on Steve’s hips to steady him as he goes to grab something off the nightstand.
Sweet. So they’re gonna fuck it out. Eddie won’t complain about that. Simple ecstasy? A carnal pleasure? That’s the #1 Munson Recomended method to treat self pitying bouts of despair, baby.
He was great with the words that didn’t matter, really not so much with the ones that did. And Steve always was and would be a man of action. And ok, maybe Eddie was even a little relieved to forget this conversation, this hole in his chest. Just, not have to think about it.
But then Steve didn’t present Eddie with a bottle of lube. Instead he was carefully holding one of Eddie’s rings pinched between two fingers. Eddie had slipped them off and put them on the nightstand (because as cool as they make him look on stage they’re clunky and obtrusive and practicing with them on his fingers gets on his nerves.)
“Marry me.” Steve said, presenting Eddie’s very own ring to him.
“Uh - “ His eyes crossed looking at it held up in front of his face.
Steve huffed.
“Fine. I Steve Harrington, ask thee, Eddie Munson, for your hand in marriage.” Steve said, gently picking up one of Eddie’s hands. He was just staring at Steve trying to figure out the punchline.
“Maybe not today, alright? But like, someday, right? There’s gotta be a a someday. And then I’m gonna marry you. First day they’ll legally let me do it.”
“Sure. We’ll probably be like, a hundred.”
“Ok.” He shrugged. Like for Steve it was that simple. It came that easy for him. “Would you want…?”
“Fuck you. Fuck you, man.” Eddie rolled them over so he was curled on top of Steve. Steve put up a struggle, slowly suffocating under him.
“I want it so bad it’s like a bullet to the chest.” He said, holding the love of his life down in an illegal wrestling move.
“You’f suz a drauma queen.” Steve mumbled under him. Eddie rested his weight his on his forearms, one on either side of Steve’s head, releasing the petulant creature from it’s confines. “You’re such a drama queen.”
“And you’re… something else, Harrington.”
“It’ll be Munson won’t it.” And there’s a second round, a clean shot to the heart. He hides his face in Steve’s neck, pretending he’s not squealing on the inside like a teenage girl with a bad case of Beatle-mania.
“Fuck off.” He sighs. “You’re gonna kill me one day, Steve Harrington.”
“Steve Munson.” He sputtered a little, mouth open like he was trying to get a stray hair out of it.
Eddie made a sound like he’s dying.
“God that sounds awful actually.” Eddie said, as if he’s not gonna be writing it in little hearts in the margins of his notebooks. “Just. Does not roll off the tongue. Like at all.”
Steve’s fingers were trailing featherlight up and down his spine. “Yeah.” He agreed. And Eddie could hear the smile on the bastards face.
“Robin can be our incubator.”
“She agreed to that?”
“Oh, absolutely not.” Steve snorted. “But I’ll wear’er down. She’s a total sap.”
Eddie snorted. She was a god awful hopeless romantic.
“You’re gonna force that poor lesbian to pump out 4 little Harrington’s?”
“Little Munsones. Munsonses?”
“Munsons?” Eddie raised a condescending eyebrow.
“Besides I don’t need 4, I’ll already have one giant fucking baby waiting for me at home.” He digs his nose into Eddie’s cheek accusatorially.
“You get one.”
“Three.” Steve bargained, eyes squinting in challenge.
“Two.” Eddie said, grinning widely.
“And a dog.”
“You get a hamster.” Eddie said, feeling warm all over. “Final offer.”
Two little tikes running around the house, screaming like banshees. He could read them The Hobbit when they’re all tuckered out and tucked in, to put them to sleep. Use all his silly voices.
He could teach them D&D and they could all giggle and create chaos together as a family, sat around the dining room table.
They could play princes and princesses and Eddie could be the big mean dragon - that they then vanquish in glorious combat. He would fall to his knees and ‘die’ oh so dramatically. He knows he would.
When they’re real little, he could bounce them on his knee like a cowboy. Do stupid shit like play peek-a-boo and blow raspberries on their tummy’s til they barfed themselves laughing. All the stuff he doesn’t remember but had wanted anyways.
He pictures himself up at 2 am with Steve standing behind him, pressed against his back. Having finally gotten the wailing little beast in his arms to fall back asleep; and he gets to hold something small and fragile and full of so much living potential and do it better this time around.
Damn.
He was crying, wasn’t he?
He just noticed. Steve had noticed too. He was quietly kissing up Eddie’s jawline, into his temple. Running those magical hands through his hair in a way that made him want to pur like a cat.
“Eddie?” He spoke softly.
Eddie sniffed. He grabbed at the fist Steve was still holding the ring in. “Gimme.” He said, frowning.
“Hey.” Steve warned. He took Eddie’s left hand by the wrist, slowly coaxed his fingers open. Carefully slid the ring on. Stared at it on Eddie’s hand. Smiling just, way too smugly.
Eddie flexed his fingers, testing his grip. It’s literally the ring he wears on his left ring finger almost every single day.
And isn’t that something. The way Steve can take something that should be entirely mundane. And make it mean everything to Eddie, make it mean the fucking world.
A very serious expression crossed Eddie’s face, then he reached over to the night stand and grabbed a handful of the rest of his rings.
He opened his palm and sorted through them by size. “What are you doing?” Steve asked. Eddie shushed him. Steve clicked his tongue but he went easily when Eddie reached out to grab his left hand.
“Oh.” Steve said, as Eddie went about trying a few different rings on his fingers. Steve’s hands were a lot meatier than Eddie’s. Steve was a fit guy, you see. Even his hands were bigger, more muscular. Eddie had slender guitar player hands. But eventually he found one, a simple silver band with a fleur-de-lis that fit like Cinderella’s glass slipper.
“Mine.” Eddie said, hugging Steve’s forearm tightly and trapping it possesively against his own chest. Steve looked at the ring on his finger. He turned his hand around in Eddie’s grip to press it flat against Eddie’s heartbeat. Then Steve kissed him, rested their foreheads together.
“You’re such a brute, you know that?” Steve said, kissing him again.
“I’ll show you a brute.” Eddie raised his eyebrows suggestively. They kissed and kissed and kissed.
“Have you heard about what’s going on in New York? And like San Francisco and stuff.”
“The big gay revolution? Sure.” Eddie shrugged. Kissed him again. Lots of tongue.
Does it still count as premarital sex after whatever that was? Eddie’s gotta be honest, he’s a little disappointed at the idea of their sex life getting even the slightest bit less actively sinful.
“What do you think?”
“Hmmm? It’s a nice dream. I’ll give em that.” Steve gave him a look. Eddie scoffed.
“I want to… I can’t just sit here, man.” Steve said. Because Steve was a man of action. Because when Steve sees a monster he just starts swinging. He held Eddie’s hand in his own, looking at the ring that was next to meaningless 10 minutes ago and it just wasn’t anymore. “I’m not kidding. I am gonna marry you. I want to be out there. Doing that. Until they have to let me.”
“I dunno, man…. I’m more of a rebel without a cause.” Eddie said, because activism’s an idealist’s game.
“Oh, come ooon. Fighting the power. Sticking it to The Man. Riots in the streets. You gotta admi-t. Pretty metal….” He grinned, knowing each and every one of Eddie’s weaknesses and exactly how to tempt him.
“Yeah. Ok, yeah it kinda is.”
It would be nice. Knowing there’s others people like them is different from actuating knowing other people who are like them. It’s crazy just how much Eddie’s life changed from having two people in the world who could get him the way Steve and Robin got him. They could drag her out there with them. Hit up the lesbian bars, ‘find her Eddie’ as she and Steve refer to it sometimes.
The music scene there is actually… existent. Unlike here. Eddie could… he try and make a name for himself.
They could… it sounds like a fucking pipe dream. That things could ever change. That people could ever change. That some day people like them wouldn’t have to be afraid.
But… fuck if Steve’s optimistic smile wasn’t convincing him of something. Convincing Eddie that hey, it’s at least worth a try, right?
“I wanna hold your hand.” Steve said quietly, even thought he was already holding it.
“That’s not very metal at all.” Eddie teased.
“I dunno… Feels pretty metal to me.” He said, absently playing with Eddie’s fingers.
Eddie huffed a laugh.
“Yeah… Yeah I guess it really is.”
#steddie#stranger things#eddie munson#Steve Harrington#steddie ficlet#I’m not joking when I say Period Typical Homophobia#mine
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𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐦𝐞 (𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)
A small session of Dean spoiling you like a princess (and evolving a little scent kink)
tags: fluff, scent kink, f!reader, est. relationship, tickles bc he's a tease, praises. word count: 744.
The door creaks open with the turn of the key, letting you into the familiar comfort of home. The couch, a bit saggy from so many nights spent lounging there, welcomes you. The smell of sweat from a long day sticks around, and the scratchy fabric of your work uniform feels like it’s suffocating you. But you’re so drained, you figure you’ll just stay put for now. Until you remember.
Dean was gonna meet you here right after work. That gives you exactly 10 minutes to get ready, and you know how he is—always on time when it comes to you.
You rush to the bathroom, jumping into a quick shower. Deodorant, a basic T-shirt, and some comfy pajama shorts. The bare minimum to open the door and see your hot boyfriend standing there with that smile that could make anything seem perfect.
"Italian.” he grins, stepping inside and holding up a bag that smells amazing.
Then, you catch that woody, herbal scent of whatever’s in the bag mixed with the mouthwatering pasta. Oh no. You totally forgot to put on perfume.
"Oh, thanks, honey." You flash him a weak smile and kiss his cheek. "I haven’t eaten in, like, six hours."
"I know you too well," he shakes his head, putting the bag on the table. "Knew you'd be so wrapped up in work you’d forget to eat." He adds, "So I brought you your favorite juice, and I even got you that cupcake from Heavenpiece for dessert."
"Oh, Dean. I don’t deserve you." You pout, lazily wrapping your arms around his neck, getting lost in those green eyes that always do it for you.
"You deserve way more than this, doll." He smiles sweetly and pecks your lips.
"You spoil me so much... I’m gonna get so used to this," you laugh, feeling a hundred little kisses rain down on your face until he rests his head on your neck.
"You can get spoiled all you want... Hold up, what is that smell?" He pulls back, his eyes wide as he sniffs the air like he’s just smelled something amazing. You freeze, feeling him sniffing your neck like a bloodhound.
"Sorry, I didn’t put on perfume. I probably smell weird, I—"
"Weird?" He cuts you off, looking at you like you just said the dumbest thing. He buries his nose in your neck again, inhaling deeply. "That’s the best smell I’ve ever breathed in. That’s your smell."
"Oh, come on. It’s probably just the new soap," you roll your eyes, trying to hide the flush on your cheeks from his compliments.
"Nope." He shakes his head, grinning as he takes another deep breath. "That’s the smell of a woman."
"God, you’re so weird," you chuckle, but then he starts sniffing short, fast breaths, making you squirm and giggle. "Dean, stop. Stop! Deaaann."
"Nope. I’m memorizing this smell." He chuckled, his fingers skimming under your shirt to tickle you, making you laugh even harder. "It’s so, so fucking good. You've been hiding it from me. You're a very bad girl, you hear me? Get your punishment, pretty baby."
"Deaaan, stop!" You laugh, grabbing his hands to pull them away and locking your fingers with his. “Finally!”
"Alright, alright. But only if you let me sniff you all night. Deal?" He grins, and how can you say no to that face?
"Deal. Just for the record, you smell pretty damn good. New perfume?" You ask, leaning in to sniff him, smiling when you feel him shiver.
"It’s the one you gave me for Valentine’s Day," he says, wrapping his strong hand around the back of your neck, pulling you closer. "But you? You don’t even need perfume. You’re so perfect, princess."
"Maybe the hunting affected you waaaay too much." You laugh, letting yourself fall into the warmth of his touch.
"Okay, but before we start this ‘appreciation session,’ you’re eating. No way I’m letting my girl starve while I’m having all the fun." He says, stepping back to unwrap the bags while you head to the kitchen to grab the plates.
He pulls out a chair for you, and you smile, sitting down to eat. He leans in one last time to sniff the back of your neck before sitting across from you, looking like he’s already counting down the minutes until he can taste you. The fastest dinner Dean Winchester’s ever eaten—because he’s already totally lost in the idea of tasting you, completely.
#dean winchester x y/n#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester#x reader#reader insert#fanfic#imagine#jensen fanfic#jensen ackles fanfiction#jensen ackles fic#supernatural fanfiction
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photometry, or the extinction of a star and that which it kills
Act Two: Core Collapse
(11k words, a year in the making. cws for canon-typical violence, death, grief/mourning, drowning, swears, and minor substance use.)
#s.txt#blaseball#stara makes stuff#Bright Zimmerman#charleston shoe thieves#not gonna tag the rest that's too much work#we all know blb is dead and this'll probably flop but i've been working on this chapter since literally april 2022#so please give it some love if you can lmao#finished just in time for zine jam lmao
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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Tragically, Tumblr doesn't allow enough options to include every game, so Dream Land 1 was removed </3 (and tragically I couldn't include an option for the spinoffs either </3 )
#not a comic or an ask#kirby#kirby nightmare in dream land#kirby's dream land 2#kirby super star ultra#kirby's dream land 3#kirby 64 the crystal shards#kirby and the amazing mirror#kirby squeak squad#kirby's return to dream land#kirby triple deluxe#kirby planet robobot#kirby star allies#kirby and the forgotten land#still no asks drawn i'm afraid! i've been working on other stuff lately#honestly i think this blog is gonna be going into one of its hiatuses again soon#but polls are fun! so i'll be posting polls for a couple weeks#i actually wanted to do a ''what was your first kirby game'' poll this week#but the limited space for options makes that one more complicated to do. i'm gonna have to group games together#so i also need to figure out *which* games to group together#but i'll still do it another week! in the meantime though here's this poll!#and many apologies to anyone whose favourite kirby game is a spinoff 😔 i didn't have space#and also to anyone whose favourite is dream land 1 but i removed that one hoping there *wouldn't* be too many of you?#since super star's spring breeze is just dream land 1: abridged plot-wise#but personally return to dream land and its remake are my favourite!!#magolor my beloved <3#crowned and the rest of the ost my beloved <3#the lor as a fun hub area my beloved <3#and i just. honestly really love how much dialogue rtdl has. it's one of if not *the* kirby game with the most dialogue in it#and the magolor epilogue that the remake added was amazing!! ...aaaand i'm out of tags fgshshf
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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Okay okay look they give me brainrot but:
Sapnap noms Karl and Q as like his way of flirting (classic line of 'your just so cute I couldn't help but eat you up' or whatever-)
YES YES YES YES ABSOLUTELY
ignore the fact that I only drew Karl, i didn’t wanna draw two people and Q and Sap already have their own nom story and ignore that I can’t write flirty dialogue so i did icons instead
but YES SAPNAP DOES THIS. at first it’s kind of a joke cause they all know that Sapnap could just ask like a normal person but no, he has pickup lines now. Q and Karl think it’s funny at first cause the pickup lines also started as a joke, but then Sapnap got more serious and flirty and both of them kind of had a “shit this is hotter than it should be” moment.
Karl especially is a lot more receptive to it than he first thought he’d be
#fuck hands fuck hands i hate hands so much#i spend 25 minutes picking the pose for the first angle cause of the hands#anyway#i love drawing wholesome fiancés shit so much hsksksjsk#especially noms#also the reason Sapnap’s wearing a hat is cause he’s at work#that’s his disguise to hide his pointy ears and he’s going to immediately go back to work and Karl is gonna sit there flustered#ALSO the dark mark around his eyes is the bruise I was talking about#he hit his face really hard when he was a kid and it left that dark mark on him so Q and Karl nicknames him ‘pandas’#that led to the rest of them having animals nicknames too btw#Q is obviously duckling and Karl is bunny#these tags have gotten very off topic#anyway send in any other ideas if you have them i love my shifter boy and his little fiancés <3#cyncerity#mcyt g/t#mcyt gt#store shifter au#cyn art#tw vore#g/t vore#soft vore#safe vore#extreme cuddling#mcyt g/t vore
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dumbass drawings I made in that one dumbass roblox game during my dumbass free time when I was dumbass bored
#roblox free draw#roblox#my art#digital art#drawing#art dump#dump#doodles#drawings#fanart#art#random art#free draw#the quality of these images is killing me rn#fuck I left the cursor on the second image#im not fixing that#mario#pokemon#earthbound#im not gonna put in the rest of the tags thats too much work#dumbass
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it's not going too well
#cw vent#but#:[ i feel so baaad about it idk#one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow#and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing#so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it#what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me#i kinda really don't like how#basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself#have autism#and may or may not be a tranny#even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things#i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do#and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now#this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh#im so scared of school now#its not even just how the people act#when i go into the corridors there are so many people#so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school#please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years#and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job#this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad#i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school#but its so difficult. too many people too many noises#too many rumours and too many ableists#there are also too many tags on this post#but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning#weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school#i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me#its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry
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ive decided that andoras almost always has crazy makeup and wigs on simply bcus its fun for him. and everin doesnt see him without any of it on until after the birthday party debacle and loses it slightly bcus she thought that was his real hair the whole time wdym youre BALD (hes not bald his hair is just short)
#my post#the wondrous oc tag#madineau#the lore is stored in the tags#world so beautiful. i love making shit up about my ocs#did this partly bcus i wanna include more ridiculous hairstyles in this bcus i realized that i can#and this is perfect for andoras bcus he literally doenst do anything all day anyways. so he just gets up spends half the day gettnig ready#and then spends the rest of it hanging around ev and bothering her#theres a bit of bright colors and markings like aposematism. like watch out hes toxic do not approach#like ev gives a shit though#ANDDDD ive managed to incorporate MOON SYMBOLISM. bcus god what is this story if not just the moon a thousand times over for no reason#(the reason is it was like 2 am i was delirious on sharpie fumes and got really emotional about the moon out of nowhere)#so like when hes first introduced his makeup includes a new moon. new beginnings and all that#during the birthday party hes got a 1st quarter moon. for intention. bcus thats when ev and an get a little normal about each other#and an specifically realizes oh hey. i actually liek this person. and i think she likes me too. i dont want this to ever stop.#smilesss he realizes this while theyre dancing. and ev is laughing and relaxed and SMILING for once and an wishes he could watch that smile#forever...#dreamy sigh. ive had that scene living in my head for years now#i think i came up with that after reading knifetrick. bcus i loved the party scene soooooo much <33#where was i. right moon makeup.#so in the very very very end andoras has a full moon#sealing of intention slash continuing the cycle. because its implied hes gonna overthrow the government and kill the current leaders#thats a big jump from where we just were. bear with me here a lot happens in this story#like the birthday party and that tender moment. is interrupted by the rev squad showing up and trying to convince a crowd of people to#murder ev#which more or less works pretty easily btw. they all just go 'ok bet' as if they werent attending HER party.#its fine its whatever its ok. ev doesnt think theres anyone she can truly trust but she does so anyways and just prays they dont turn on he#bcus the only people she has left in the world are her 2 advisors who hate her and her best friend who also maybe hates her
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soooo. that new big time rush album huh
#how we feeling today rushers (。•̀ᴗ-)✧#also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk#anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :>#i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING#i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out#also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3#is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows 👀#(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!)#but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo!#also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯#okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdååå#btr#big time rush#another life#album#stop it forever#lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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one day i would just only like to consume content instead of making it, you know?
#its been almost a month since the orangekip tag updated on ao3 with something other than my writing#i would just like to read occasionally too pls ;;#i know there has been stuff on tumblr at least (bugs ily so much) but yeah#having a rarepair otp just hurts a little sometimes when youre too exhausted of doing the work yourself hmm#just. a thought. anyways gonna make dinner and burrito myself at the bottom of my couch for the rest of the day bye#night is an absolute mess on main
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You could post cute pics and get validation from strangers on the internet while you wait.
Fr tho I hope you're doing okay ❤️
What do you think I’ve been doing 😂😘
#haven’t posted in literal ages#and then I post multiple things in the past day or two l o l#your girl wants attention and validation all the damn time!!!#was trying to reblog old content but yall have seen that too much and don’t have the same reaction#I want your mouth to drop and you can’t help but drool from looking at me#that’s my goal 😇#but seriously I’ve been looking at a lot of my rosie content and deciding what’s good enough to post#looking for someone to go through all my content and tell me what are the true gems#so I can post those#it’s actually insane how much content I have#and most of it has never been seen before lol#have this school girl post I’m working on 😇#just working on the cute tags hehe#if you guys are ever bored and looking for something to do#give me attention#and praise#and worship me#pretty please 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#on a real note I should be fine? I hope.#every day is different… today I’m doing my ehhh alright?#but I can’t complain cause some days I feel like death#I’m also lucky I have weed to use as my crutch#I’m just in between jobs right now cause I was trying to get into this dumb program#but now that I’m on a waitlist I’m gonna have to find some sort of income#I saved up some from my last job but that is slowly dwindling away#maybe I’ll do some sort of driving/delivery job#I’m just so sick of working when I know it doesn’t make a difference#I’m going to be poor and broke the rest of my life so who cares#welp getting sad and don’t wanna do thaaaaaat….. also running out of space lol. so gonna smoke the little weed I have left and ignore ignore#ask
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(2022) Dante sketches. (first attempt - latest dec '22).
#[ now rebloggable w/o reference photo. probably gonna upload the rest of my sketches too. originals in my txt tag. :) ]#devil may cry#dmc#devil may cry dante#dmc dante#dante sparda#dmc fanart#devil may cry fanart#devil may cry 5#dmc5#dadbots.txt#[ don't have anything else to post beside last year's dmc art which were all first attempts. But I could reupload em or finish whatever -#[ is still in my files. Got a few I could try working on. But rn? This is all i have. So gonna have to make due with that lol ]#[ ended up cleaning it a bit before posting. So hopefully it looks a bit decent? Not much. but at least something. yknow. ]
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no worries guys i m also in charge of the hfjone anime
#hfjone#liam plecak#bryce hansen#amelia euler#fanart#july 2023#july#2023#tumblr im gonna kill you for deleting this bc of my shite wifi now i have to remake the post#anyway ive been sitting on these for like a month since i finished hfjone but#rest assured that i have not stopped thinking about it#i am just scared of the osc i have not been active in it since there was like 12 people#anyways. liam and bryces designs are like pre episode 9 there are slight changes for after#also not tagging their object names too much work#might post more but idk#also images from the wiki#gijinka
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