#not every post i write needs to be written

[vettelsvee]

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE | Sebastian Vettel

High School History Teacher!Sebastian Vettel x Primary School Teacher!Reader ↳ Teacher AU ⋆ Part of CLASSROOM GOSSIPS

SUMMARY: Seb is stressed because his students did pretty bad in their latest History exam, but he gets more stressed and grumpy when Y/N, the cutest Primary School teacher according to Seb, arrives to the teacher's lounge to "annoy" him, but the truth is that there's more than that ↳ BASED ON THIS POST I MADE THE OTHER DAY!

WORD COUNT: 3099

WARNINGS: LOTS OF GRUMPY (Seb) X SUNSHINE (Reader), some bad words, cursing, nothing else but wait till the end because I assure you you're gonna love it!

TAGLIST: @koalapastries @vampsarereal @gracie23x @cutelittlefakejourneys @scopeiguess @hoziersfrancesca

VEE'S NOTES: I ABSOLUTELY adored writing this, and I hope you like it as much as I do! This goes all the way up to the top of my fave fics written by me. Also, a toast to you because you liked all this Teacher!Seb thing a lot 🥹 I'd love to read your opinions on this, so feel free to leave me a comment, an anon message or reblogging since it helps us creators a lot. Thank you so much for reading, and hope you like it! <3 ↳ TALK TO ME / REQUESTS! | FORMULA 1 MASTERLIST | BUY ME A COFFEE

© VETTELSVEE (2025). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

“How can you say that World War II ended with the fall of the Berlin Wall? My God...”

“It makes no sense at all, but if you ask whoever told you that, they’ll give you a convincing enough answer to make you pass their exam.”

Sebastian lifted his head, even though he didn't need to in order to know who was speaking.

Y/N Y/L/N, the second-grade teacher who is the pure representation of the sunshine itself. Your smile, always revealing your teeth, and your energy, isn’t exactly contagious to him, and even sometimes that'd be enough to make someone want to throw up.

You were standing in front of him, holding an absurd amount of papers. Seb couldn't avoid looking at you. No matter how much you might irritate him at times, he found you more than fascinating. He admired you in every single aspect and, somehow, that made him pretty angry with himself. You took the opportunity to silently show him some drawings of bees. Bees. Happy bees. Sad bees. Damn it, there were even bees wearing party hats and surrounded by confetti, and other baking and having coffee.

Sebastian said nothing. Instead, he ignored you and continued grading exams, but you didn't take it personally since you know how stressed he had to be with his class.

It didn't take long before a series of increasingly loud bangs started to get on his nerves.

When he looked up again, he saw you struggling with the printer, which seemed to have decided not to work.

“Why is it that every time I come here, this stupid, useless piece of junk decides to stop working?” you huffed, nearly shouting. “It’s like… like it’s out to get me!”

“Maybe it’s because you make too many copies every week,” Vettel replies.

“I have to give my students a quality education, Seb. And a quality education includes, among other things, making as many copies as I need to teach the contents properly!”

“And does your quality education include printing an entire colony of bees?”

You shrugged, offering no further explanation. Instead, you grabbed a nearby chair and dragged it until it was next to Sebastian. To his utter surprise, you sat down beside him, placing your absurdly thick stack of papers on top of the ungraded exams.

If you didn’t leave in the next few seconds, Seb swore he'd have a heart attack.

“My kids need all of this, Seb,” you said again, showing him those ridiculous drawings once more. “They’re learning about pollination, and what better way than by coloring little bees and then putting them all over the classroom to represent how they work?”

“I’m currently questioning whether I’m a complete failure as a teacher so, to be completely honest with you, the last thing I need right now is you showing me this... nonsense.”

You scoffed, knowing he didn’t mean it. He was just too stressed. His students failing with embarrassingly low grades didn’t mean his skills as a teacher were declining, but it did mean he’d have an army of parents breathing down his neck, demanding explanations for why their children’s performance was so poor.

“Stop saying things like that!” You smacked his shoulder, and his patience wore even thinner when he noticed a red pen mark on the exam he was grading. One that, knowing all too well his students and their thoughts, they’d probably say looked like a penis.

“You’re not a failure. Teenagers are just… idiots.”

“Is that your opinion as a professional in the education field?2

“Of course!” you shouted, waving your hands dramatically. “Why do you think I teach Primary school? Little kids are way cuter, and they think I’m a genius just because I can spell difficult words without getting any help.”

Seb tried not to, but a small smile started creeping onto his face. He quickly bit his lower lip and shifted in his seat, attempting to maintain his composure even though sitting next to you made him more nervous and, especially, more entertained, than he would have liked to admit.

“Look at you! I made you smile!”

“If I admit that you're almost funny, will you leave me alone?”

“Let me think about it… No.”

Sebastian didn’t even get a chance to answer before you suddenly jumped out of your chair and rushed toward the printer again.

“I just remembered why I came here! Oh my god, why do I have to be sooooooo forgetful?”

“I suppose that’s to make my life more miserable,” the German replied, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s just a bonus, Seb,” you turned to him, still smiling. “So, yeah, this printer isn’t working because… Well, I don’t know why. But I really need to make these copies, so I guess I’ll have to go back to the Primary school teachers' lounge…”

Sebastian stared at you, unsure of what to say.

Was he misunderstanding things because of stress, or he understood that you had actually walked all the way to the High School section, which was not anywhere near the Primary one, just to make copies, despite having a perfectly good printer in your own area?

“Did you come all the way from the Primary section to the High School one just for… some photocopies?”

“Yes!” you nodded enthusiastically.

“You're perfectly aware that there's a much better printer over there, right?”

“Well, that’s debatable if you consider…”

“Y/N, cut the bullshit.”

You pressed your lips together, unsure of how to tell him that your free period, and your desire to see him, was the real reason you had come all this way, even if it had earned you a few questioning looks and whispered comments from some of your colleagues in the upper grades.

“Well… Maybe I also decided to come here to see you,” you admitted.

Vettel had no idea how to reply to that. He tried to think of something friendly and lighthearted, but his stress seemed to take over before he could filter his words.

“I'm this close to kicking you out, Y/N.”

You only laughed, placing a dramatic hand over your chest and letting out a fake gasp. Seb loved when you acted like this, but right now, he hated it more than ever.

“Oh, please, you wouldn’t dare. I’m your favorite person out of all the people in this school.”

“Funny, because right now you happen to be exactly the opposite,” he muttered.

“You didn’t mean that. I know you didn’t.”

Seb shook his head and buried himself back in grading exams. Of course, he hadn’t meant it. No one was perfect, but somehow, you came pretty damn close without even trying.

“Stop making that weird face, or you’re going to get wrinkles ahead of time,” you teased. By now, you had sat back down beside him and were carefully cutting out flower-shaped drawings with impressive precision.

“You are insufferable, Y/N, really,” Vettel shot back as he meticulously corrected a student's answer about the causes of World War II.

“And yet, you still haven’t told me to shut up.”

Seb frowned. He wanted to do it. He should do it. But he couldn’t. You were too kind to him for him to snap at you… just like what was happening now.

He cursed himself mentally and swore that, from now on, he would grade exams at home to avoid this kind of altercation. Though, deep down, he also knew he would do it because, maybe, it would give him a little more time to spend with you.

Suddenly, you moved closer to him, too close, and took his chin. Your eyes locked, and for a few seconds, neither of you could say anything, let alone voice everything running through your minds about each other.

“You need a break, Seb.”

Your hand instinctively moved to his cheek, caressing it with a kind of affection that neither of you expected. He swallowed hard, trying to stay calm, but his heart only pounded faster and faster, and he couldn’t see it as anything other than a betrayal of his feelings for you.

“Why do you always have to be a threat to me, Y/N?”

You simply smiled before leaving a kiss on his cheek and standing up.

“You can keep pretending all you want, but you know you love it,” you said, grabbing your things and heading toward the door, though not before turning back to him.

Sebastian knew exactly what you meant by doing that. He let out a deep sigh and carefully gathered all the exams, placing them in his briefcase along with his pencil case and phone.

“If I go with you wherever you’re going, do you promise to shut up?”

“Nop, there’s no way I’m doing that,” you replied cheerfully, taking his arm the moment he was beside you and dragging him out of the teachers’ lounge with no real destination in mind.

The German was beyond exhausted. He felt his head throbbing more than usual, which he knew was a sign of an oncoming migraine. He felt drained, frustrated, and more plagued by imposter syndrome than ever. It wasn’t the first time he’d had bad results on an exam, but it was the first time they had been this awful.

He decided not to dwell on it and did his best to push his intrusive thoughts aside, focusing instead on the woman beside him.

You couldn’t stop talking. First, you told him about how your kids, as you called your second-grade students, had made Christmas cards for you and even brought you a gift after the holidays. Then, you talked about how, today, your favorite student (because, according to you, yes, teachers had favorites) had dropped a piece of her sandwich on the floor, and you had to give her your own breakfast but it was worth it since she was more than happy to be having Ms. Y/L/N handmade cheesecake.

Now, you had launched into an explanation of the biodiversity project you were preparing for your students, focusing specifically on the importance of bees in the ecosystem. You even showed him some pictures of what you had been working on at home because you wanted it to turn out so well that you couldn’t just work on it during school hours.

“So…” you said after finishing your explanation. “What do you think about my project so far?”

Sebastian kept walking, trying to process the flood of information you had just given him in such a short time. While some of the pictures looked like pure chaos, something completely opposite to him, the embodiment of perfection, he had to admit that it was good. Really good, actually.

“Well… it looked fun,” he admitted.

“Are you serious!?” you squealed, your eyes sparkling with excitement.

He gave you a shy smile.

“Yes, of course, I mean it.”

“Oh, look at him! Grumpy Seb handing out compliments so easily!” you shouted again, now bouncing on your feet, earning a few disapproving looks from the teachers passing by. “This calls for me to get you a coffee!”

“Y/N, I don’t feel like having coffee. I already had one this morning, and I don’t think it’s the best idea, considering how nervous I—”

“That’s nonsense!” you interrupted, marching toward the Primary school section. “You’re going to have coffee with me, no matter what, and you’re going to thank me because I’m convinced my coffee is way better than that vending machine garbage you drink daily.”

“I’ll thank you the day not a single one of my students fails one of my exams,” he told you.

The Primary school teachers' lounge was empty when you both walked in. You didn’t say much, just offered Seb a seat and told him to make himself at home while you headed to your locker. The German pulled out the stack of exams once again, ready to continue grading them, if you didn’t annoy him again. As he kept marking the papers, he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. Not only were you making him a cup of coffee, but you also seemed to be decorating it. And, if he wasn’t mistaken, you were writing something on a piece of paper.

When you returned, you placed the mug in front of him. It had “Bee positive” written on it, and it was decorated, of course, with a little bee making a heart with its tiny hands. As if that wasn’t enough, you had somehow managed to create an impressive amount of cream, topped with a smiley face that looked like it had been made with cinnamon.

Then, as you took a seat beside him, you slid a note his way, the one he assumed you had been writing earlier.

“Even if you’re having a gray day, remember that you can always make the sun shine! Sincerely, your very own little Miss Sunshine,” followed by a heart and, unsurprisingly, a bunch of smiley faces.

He didn’t know what to say. His eyes, however, when they met yours, seemed to say everything.

“You know, maybe all you need is just a new approach.”

Your sudden change of topic, spoken as you took another bite of your chocolate cupcake, threw him off a little. But he preferred it over the uncomfortable silence you both knew was bound to settle in.

“I’ve already tried, Y/N.”

“Have you tried bribing them?”

Seb narrowed his eyes, impressed and clearly not convinced by what you had just suggested.

“I’m not going to bribe my students, Y/N.”

“Not even by making them work in teams and offering extra credit?” You widened your eyes in surprise. “Have you considered bringing cookies and handing them out? That works incredibly great as a positive reinforcement, trust me”

“I’m not giving my students cookies or anything else,” Seb stated firmly. “I don’t know what to do with them, and that’s what worries me the most. What if I start acting like, no offense, a Primary school teacher, when they’re only two years away from university?”

You shook your head. It annoyed you that Sebastian was so… rigid, so unwilling to change. But what annoyed you even more was that you couldn’t seem to find the right way to help him.

“If you help me with the biodiversity project and actively participate in it, I promise I’ll find a way to make sure all your kids pass the remaining exams this year,” you proposed.

“And what exactly does a primary school teacher know about teenagers and History?”

“First of all, stop being so grumpy with me… I’m just trying to help you!” You huffed, crossing your arms. He wasn’t expecting that answer, and honestly, neither were you. Sebastian straightened in his seat, a bit uncomfortable. “Second, I happen to have a few tricks up my sleeve, but I’m not sharing them until you agree with helping me with the project.”

“Y/N…”

“What is it? What you don’t like: bees, seven-year-olds, or me?"

“I don’t like bees that much, I love being around little kids, and I’m completely captivated by you.”

That was what Sebastian wanted to say. Instead, he stayed silent, absentmindedly playing with the coffee spoon while staring at the note you had written for him.

“You do realize how many exams I still have to grade, right?” was all he managed to reply.

“Seb, you need to relax. I’ve told you before, but I’ll keep saying it as many times as necessary until you actually listen to me.”

“I can’t relax,” Vettel muttered, furrowing his brows. “Do you have any idea how painful it is to read that…?”

You didn’t let him time to finish speaking. You approached him faster than you’d planned, took his face in your hands, and kissed him. At first, Seb was completely caught off guard, but then he placed his right hand on your neck, pulling you closer and making sure the contact between you didn’t break.

Sebastian wondered why he hadn’t done this sooner, while you were more than happy to finally have the courage to take the initiative, especially since it seemed like your work crush was responding with a lot of enthusiasm.

The lack of air forced you to pull away. You readjusted yourself in your seat and couldn’t help but laugh when you saw your lipstick smeared all over Seb’s mouth.

“Did you just…?” Seb tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out.

“Yes, and I don’t mind doing it again,” you kissed him once again, but this time it was shorter. “Sebastian Vettel, I need you to stop worrying about those fucking exams and take a break.”

Now, Sebastian couldn’t stop smiling, and that’s exactly when you knew you had won that battle.

“You’re so lucky you’re too cute and beautiful and you’re keeping me at my feet somehow, because I swear I wouldn’t stop talking and be annoying just for you to shut me up by kissing me.”

Your eyes lit up at his tease, and your mouth opened in surprise at what Seb had just confessed.

“Sorry, did you just call me cute and beautiful, and also say you want me to shut you up by kissing you?” you pressed him.

Seb didn’t know what to say. His cheeks started to turn red out of embarrassment.

“If I’d known this was going to happen between us, I should’ve asked you to work together waaaay sooner!” you shouted, jumping up in excitement and sitting on his lap. If he hadn’t grabbed you tightly around the waist and balanced the chair, you would’ve ended up on the floor. “Say it again, come on!”

“No way I’m repeating that, Y/N.”

“Please, Seb,” you pouted, then kissed him all over his face. “Just one more time, please…”

“No.”

“Please…”

“Y/N…”

“Seeeeeeebastian.”

“You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met,” Seb started, “but, somehow, you’re also my very own Little Miss Sunshine.”

You smiled brightly at his words, but you knew this wouldn’t be the end of things between you.

“I’m not your Little Miss Sunshine yet. At least, not officially,” you teased.

“Oh, really?”

You shook your head.

“I’ll be when you finally have the courage to ask me on a date,” you replied cheerfully, wrapping your hands around his neck and kissing him once more. “I’ve taken the first step and kissed you not once, but twice, so now it’s your turn. We’ve got to work as a team, Seb. Haven’t you learned that all these years working as a teacher?”

[aaa-totodile]

Some Noah Kahan songs that remind me of Jason Todd and why (based on the tags from my first post)

False confidence - kinda Jason but definelty not the most, just the idea of wanting to be his younger self because of the benefits that go with it but Jason’s idea of his younger self is so so very tainted.

Mess - once again wanting to be like his younger self, trying to get that kid back but not being able to and therefor it’s tainted and whenever who he used to be is brought up it stings. But also his ties to Gotham as well

Come over - certain lines can work with his early childhood but really I’m mentioning it for the line “someday I’m gonna be somebody people want” (he won’t be but ughhh his want for that (I’m going to make a post about Jason and wanting just give me time to write it goddd))

Orange Juice - what was originally talked about, not necessarily the past alcoholism but his relationship with Bruce, if you’ve heard the song I feel this needs no further explanation

Strawberry wine - if you look at it in a non-romantic sense, you can look at it in the perspective of Bruce post Jason’s death

Growing sideways - his struggles with his mental health as a result of all the shit he’s been through. He ignores it and he moves sideways.

Halloween - once again others perspective of Jason during his time of death/not knowing he’s alive

Homesick - not the actual lyrics but the element of the song being Jason and his relationship with Gotham

Still - I can’t fully capture it without writing an essay so just listen to the song if you can. I would have to break down the whole song lyric by lyric

No complaints - the highest on this list, omfg it’s so him. Literally every single fricken line it’s ughhhhh, if you like Jason listen to the fucking song. But I will mention with all his issues he just doesn’t talk about anything or complain and says he’s fine and omfg just listen to the song

Call your mom - if someone canonically gave enough of a shit about this man consistently throughout the comics this song would be there perspective of him spiraling and not reaching out for help cause he thinks no one cares. Give this man at least one person who loves him unconditionally.

You’re gonna go far - him and Bruce, but honestly this song is Bruce with all his kids

Honorable mention that’s not a Noah song:

Eight by sleeping at last - whole song, literally written for him, everyone else go home

[teslasucks37]

READER TEACHING CHARLIE HOW TO FINGER HER??? YOUR WRITING IS PHENOMENAL

CW: NSFW under the cut (MDNI), sub!Charlie, inexperienced!Charlie, fingering, squirting, afab!Reader (no gendered pronouns)

A/N: Charlie is deffo experienced enough today where he doesn’t have to learn, but if we were to go back in time before he did… 🤤🤤🤤 ALSO THANK U FOR THE COMPLIMENT ON MY WRITING IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME!!! For a long time I haven’t been able to post any fics of mine cause I thought they weren’t good or was worried that people would be sad that they weren’t done, but Tumblr has been helping me write more often and be okay with what I’ve written, so here’s this 🤭

Charlie Slimecicle x Reader

Teaching Him Hcs!!!

In the past you’d told him to just “do whatever feels right”.

You were simply too horny and needy to explain it to him in the moment.

He’d been a virgin before then, never having much experience with sex in general.

And of course when he did finger you for the first time it didn’t feel AMAZING, but it wasn’t bad by any means.

Well, he must have caught on because the next day he turned to you on the couch while you were watching a show.

“Can you… Teach me? Please?” He practically begged. “I want to know how to make you feel good…”

The question made your thighs clench.

Within seconds, you were laid back on the arm of the chair, your shorts and panties were discarded on the floor.

Charlie sat between your legs, staring in awe at the apex of your thighs, holding them like they were made of gold.

He’s practically silent, so shy and not wanting to miss a single instruction.

You grasp his wrist, separating his middle and ring finger from on his hand. “Use these two.”

Slowly pulling his hand to your pussy, you place the pads of his fingers on your slit and release his wrist.

He sighs, sliding his fingers over your entrance, slipping between your folds gently. “You’re really wet.”

“Cause I like it, Char~” You say with a smile, making his face flush.

He watches how you breathe, squirm, moan at his ministrations.

“But how do I…” He chews at his bottom lip in thought, before slowly turning his hand up and slipping his fingers inside your pussy.

“Fuck…”

He freezes, eyes wide and worried.

“Good.” You reassure him. “So good, Charlie~”

He cautiously moves his fingers in and out, constantly looking up at you to gauge your reactions to what he’s doing, to see what makes you feel the best.

“Curl your fingers up.” You plead, grabbing at his bicep and feeling his muscles flex as he moves.

Instantly, he changes his angle to reach that spongy spot inside you, taking note of the different feel.

“Like that?”

“Yeah, fuck~”

God he’s such a good learner for you.

His fingers and hands are so big he doesn’t even need a third.

And they’re so fucking long he can immediately reach that spot you struggle to with every thrust.

“Other hand.” You reach out with an open hand.

You drag his fingers over your clit, jolting at the sensation. “Feel that?”

He nods, his motions inside you slowing.

“That’s my clit.”

His eyes widen in recognition as he swipes his middle finger over it again.

“Ah~” You breathe out as he circles it all on his own. “Yeah, just like that.”

Charlie’s fingers press harder, just slightly, making your back arch.

“Mmm, keep using your other hand.”

He’s so mesmerized by your reactions he hadn’t even realized he’d stopping fingering you.

You moan out as he starts to finger you again, curling his fingers into just the right spot. “Faster~”

He obeys you perfectly, pounding his fingertips quicker into your gummy walls.

His finger on your clit becomes two fingers, circling it brutally in a way that hurts just the right way.

“Yes, don’t stop!” You moan, your head falling back over the arm of the couch. “Just like that, baby~”

Charlie’s eyes stay on your face, unable to look away from how you squirm.

His fingers feel so good, his combined motions making your vision go white

He feels your walls flutter around him, squirting around his fingers as your thighs shake around his waist.

Your orgasm wets his hands, his wrists, your thighs, his clothes, the couch.

It’s fucking everywhere.

You practically collapse where you lay as Charlie’s hands slow to a stop.

He blinks, almost scared to move.

He’d never seen someone squirt before.

Or cum in general.

Porn didn’t count, half of it probably wasn’t even real.

He watches you come down from your high, panting and shivering. “Was that… Okay?”

“Okay?” You joke, glancing up at him with glassy eyes. “That was amazing.”

Charlie smiled, filling with pride that he’d made you cum with just his fingers.

“Do you wanna be done?”

You grin, poking at the visible erection in his pants. “Not unless he wants to be…”

You guys weren’t done for at least a couple hours.

[bibookdemon]

(MDNI WITH THIS POST!!!)

Thinking of cumplane

Please feel free to message me about cumplane AAAA

Need more cumplane mooties

Also if you're afraid to message first, feel free to comment and I'll message you first uwu

A thought for a fic below the cut:

Thinking of a fic where SQH and SY haven't met yet

Wherein SQH is a horny little beast and one of the things he absolutely loves is being degraded. So after he posts a chapter, he turns off his computer, grabs his phone, and disappears to the couch (that folds down into a bed) and waits for a bit, maybe scrolls through his socials or watches some meme videos

And before too long, he hears the telltale ding of a comment, and he knows it's SY because he's turned off notifications for any of the other comments, and besides, SY almost ALWAYS comments first.

And so he opens the comment and he slowly slips his hand in his pants and rubs over himself

And he's so *so wet* even when he's only a couple sentences in because he knows just how much SY 'hates' PIDW (why does he continue reading it???) and despises the author because it's so 'disgustingly written' and that's really fuckin hot

His most-detailed comment writer, his biggest hater (fan) telling him all about his shortcomings. (He honestly rewrote the entirety of PIDW + gave it an actual ending + updates it occasionally when SY comments to add in smth he said - simply to gift to SY. He just hasn't worked up the courage to message him and tell him all about it. Cause he has a big fat crush. He really kinda sorta super wants to ask SY out.)

Anywho, he imagines he's straddling one of SY's thighs - he doesn't know what he looks like but he imagines some nerdy but strangely alluring and somewhat strict-looking guy - and rutting against it as SY types out a comment on his latest chapter

He imagines SY stopping his typing every so often to direct his words and attention to SQH, just telling him how pathetic he is, how his writing is sub-par, how he must be such a nasty-minded person to write such extensive smut scenarios, how SY doesn't even help him get off, just makes him move back and forth until he finally finds his release.

And probably scolds him for making such a mess, but SQH can't help it, he really can't when someone is speaking to him the way SY is speaking to him-

And it's during his post-orgasmic haze that he exits the comment and decides to message SY (I reckon there's a DM feature and while SY has his DMs set to limited, they're open to authors and friends messaging him)

And he gives SY a time and address for a local cheap coffee shop. Not really fancy, but the only place he can afford at the moment. And he just says smth like: 'Meet up with me here, we can work out our differences.' His brain is too muddled to dwell on the fact that he has no idea where SY is from and that his message is honestly so vague and weird that SY is probably horrified.

He falls asleep pretty quickly, and when he wakes up, he sees the message he sent, regrets it, but then rushes to get ready cause HE GAVE A TIME FOR THE NEXT FUCKING DAY?! He rushes to get the alt version novel printed and grabs his best clothes, then he's out.

He probably takes the train, and he's glancing at his phone anxiously every so often, and he's late, but then he's there, shoving the door open to the shop-

He spots SY in the corner, just sipping on a coffee, typing furiously on his laptop, looking like he hasn't slept in a long while his eyebags are so big. Also his glasses are taped in the middle. (I personally think that SY is such a shut-in that he takes forever to go out and get new glasses despite being perfectly financially stable...)

And he sits down in front of him, and he plops his stack of papers on the table. He doesn't say anything, he's honestly really nervous now and kinda guilty about the fact that he's been getting off to this guy's comments but...wow. SY is actually fucking gorgeous. Well, to him. He has a few acne scars, but his face is otherwise clear, and there's the tiniest bit of chub left in his cheeks, yet his cheekbones are still pronounced. His eyebrows are perfect, his hair is short and silky and frames his hair perfectly. And holy shit he really wishes he could get a look at the body beneath the clothes. Because if the rest of him is like his face...he's totally SQH's type.

But he doesn't say anything. And then SQH goes to open his mouth and say smth and SY stops typing and looks up at him and slowly closes his laptop. He looks strict with the look he has on his face currently: Intense, sharp, tired, but focused.

And then he sighs and it all kinda melts away and he actually looks really awkward/anxious as he looks at the table, and SQH can see him fiddling with his hands. And he just mutters: "Look bro, those comments weren't actually meant to be that mean, and I came because I wanted to say sorry, and I'm sure there are reasons for it...idk bro you seem chill? It's your story, and you're human, and it has nothing to do with my thoughts and opinions and-"

And SQH just slaps the stack of papers and slides them over toward SY. "Dude. I know PIDW is crap. I have to pay the bills." And he's not trying to be mean or anything about it, he couldn't care less what SY thinks (but also he's internally screaming BITCH IF YOU DONT KEEP ROASTING MY STORY IM GONNA FUCKING DIE-) he's just pretty straightforward. (I think when he's nervous he goes quiet, and he'll ramble when he's comfy around someone.)

And SY is just like "???" And he flips through some of the papers and his eyes go wide and there's just this SPARKLE in them (SQH thinks it's the cutest thing he's ever seen and he wants to kiss those beautiful eyes) and he's like "Bro, is this what I think it is?!" And SQH nods and SY just wiggles in his seat with this stupidly huge grin and starts reading through it, and every few seconds he points out smth he likes, or smth he didn't see coming, or etc etc. And they literally sit at that table and make conversation about this alt PIDW and SQH is happy and SY is happy. And then SQH realizes it's been a hot minute and he probably should get home and etc etc

But SY looks absolutely upset about this because he NEEDS to rant about this alt version because he's so fucking in love with it and even messaging SQH his every thought isn't enough

So SQH invites him over (totally a great idea. Did he ever clean up the wet stain on his couch from...?) And SY is immediately like NO I CANT IMPOSE + he doesn't want the vibe to change and mess up SQH's writing, so he invites him to the hotel he's staying at and SQH is so relieved and immediately says YES

And they pack their stuff up and go outside and he starts walking in the direction of the train station when he hears a beep beep, and there's this luxurious-ass car that SY is getting into. And he tries (and fails) to hide his surprise because is SY rich?!

Upon arriving at the hotel, yeah, yeah he's rich. They're at the fanciest place in town, and they go almost to the very top. It's a large suite. And then SY apologizes for not getting a larger room, it was just really short notice, and SQH is just 'dobdoavd9svs9acs9svs9vxozv' malfunctioning.

Anyway, after he gets over it, they start talking about alt PIDW. Hours and hours and hours pass like that. It's a long novel, so suddenly it's 2 or 3 in the morning, and they're not even halfway through (SY is a really fast reader holy shit) and SQH realizes it's time for him to go home. So he goes to get up (when did they end up in the bed together, side by side?) And SY grabs his wrist because he doesn't want him to go yet he NEEDS to binge alt PIDW and suddenly SQH is tumbling down, right onto him.

Their noses are just barely brushing, their eyes are locked onto each other, and maybe it's just SQH but are they both red and breathing a bit harder?

And then SY just asks: "Do you like boys?"

And SQH can only nod once, slowly, and then they're kissing, lips smashing together, and SQH is decent at kissing, and SY is...not but oh well, and they're tugging at each other, and they're breathless, and when they break away from the kiss they're both panting and tousled.

SQH: Please tell me that wasn't just me (even when SY very obviously was a happy participant, he's still worried cause holy fuck is he really...?!?!?!?)

SY: Y-yeah. If you wanna? Or is it weird that like- I never imagined you'd be this...hot, Airplane-Bro. (And he's blushing and can't look SQH in the eyes) I kinda always imagined you to be like...idek.

SQH: Well...I'm not whatever you imagined? I guess? ... I don't think it's weird? I mean, you weren't exactly wrong when you typed your comments (he shudders at the thought) about the fact I'm just a...horny little bastard.

SY: Sorry. Heh. About that. But um. I guess it's a good thing you *are*? Right?

SQH: Right. So you're cool with this?

SY: Yeah, yeah. Definitely. Please. Oh! Uh, I just realized, um, names. I'm Shen Yuan.

SQH: I'm Shang Qinghua.

And then they're pausing awkwardly, briefly, before they're kissing again, and then the clothes are pulled off, then they're figuring out what feels great to the other, and they're just setting up a decent rhythm.

They eventually finish alt PIDW together. And SQH, once again brave in his post-orgasmic haze, asks to date SY. And then he also admits he wants SY to keep commenting with as much ferocity as usual. He explains why and SY just goes bright red, but he's so down.

SY does have to return home soon, but he makes arrangements for SQH to move in not long after (a couple months at MOST, which were spent traveling back and forth by SY) - "Look bro, I absolutely need any updates to the alt, any insights, any brainstorming, to be said aloud IMMEDIATELY" - "You just want the great sex and cuddles" (SQH has become very teasing very quickly, and very confident in his sexuality, tho SY is still rather shy about it) - and SY goes bright red as usual XD

If you've read this far, PLEASE MESSAGE ME OH MY GOD. I NEED TO RANT ABOUT CUMPLANE MORE. And also if I do write fics for them I'll send you snippets. :3

And yeah. *thumbs up*

Have I fed you well, gremlins???

One last note: T4T cumplane my beloved

(SQH is on T and has had a breast reduction, SY is on T and has had top surgery but no bottom surgery, which he's still deciding if he wants or not.)

(ALSO - they do get to degrading eventually but SY is very nervous about it at first aha)

[starlight-bread-blog]

Okay I'm gonna go full conspiracy, but some of y'all are way worse so I'm doing this. Listen up. Will Byers and Mike Wheeler are fictional characters. Meaning, that everything they do, everything they think and yes, everything they feel has a purpose. So let's look at the facts as they are. Mike couldn't tell El that he loves her, and Will is in love with Mike. Right off the bat, with Will, this fact could lead to two things:

Mike is also in love with Will, and there will be a love triangle with Mike in the middle.

Mike is not in love with Will, and Will will either end up alone, or die, or find another queer boy to love.

With scenario 1, everything is fine. But although on paper, scenario 2 makes sense, we should take into account that everything that Will feels is a carefully thought out decision.

Let's remember the themes and the message of Stranger Things. This show is about the freaks of society, the losers, the outcasts. How people may l give them the side eye, but they have each other. And they'll stand by each other no matter what. So, how does this relate to Will and Mike? Will is a gay boy in the 80s, which not only makes him an outcast, but an outright freak in the eyes of the public. It would go against Stranger Things' message to write a freak trying to find love in his best friend, the one who's supposed to be by his side forever, and having him rejected. In real life, this would not be a problem. If someone is straight, they're straight. But in fiction, the sexuality and or love interest of a character is again, a choice with ramification on the quality of the story. And writing Will, a "freak", having his heart broken by someone who he considered another freak, when you're telling a story about how freaks empower each other by sticking together, is not a smart writing decision.

(There is also the matter of the van scene, where Will's supposedly unrequited feelings are being used to repair El and Mike's relationship, as Will cries over not being able to be with Mike. In other words, if Mike isn't in love with Will, the outcast's suffering is used to fix what's more socially acceptable. Do you see the problem? I don't know how many times I'm going to repeat myself in this post, and I hope it's not getting annoying, but I need to make this as crystal clear as possible: Fiction is not real life. In real life, a gay boy could use some words of affirmation regardless of how they feel, it's just being nice. But in fiction, you have a job to do. You have a story to tell. You have a message you want to put out into the world. And this scene is not compatible with the message).

But let's look at Mike. In season 4, El confronts Mike about him not telling her that he loves her. And throughout that whole scene, not even once, does he just say that he loves her. In the end he does, but the reason as to why he stopped saying it, or why he didn't say it when she confronted him, is never explained. In real life, it's okay if Mike wants to deal with whatever he feels and the reasons behind it with himself. But this is not real life, this was deliberately written to be understood by an audience. It was written to serve a purpose. Mike not being able to tell El that he loves her was a serious conflict in season 4, and the cause behind it is left unknown. This is bad writing, plain and simple. Unless, there is some other factor we are not yet aware of. Unless, he could possibly have feelings for someone else. Maybe that someone is Will.

With that theory in mind, remember when Will and Mike met after a long time of not seeing each other? Will was gonna hug Mike, but Mike just went for a fist bump. There was a very awkward atmosphere in that moment. Why would there be? Once again, I'm not talking about real life. In real life, it could just be awkward because they haven't talked to each other in a while and Mike needs time to adjust. But this is fiction. Every emotion has a purpose, every bit leads to something. And so far, it led to nothing. There was just one awkward moment, with no explanation, and it's never brought up again. There is no reason for it to be there. It's common knowledge that unnecessary story bits shouldn't make it to the final cut. If this wouldn't be expanded upon in some way, it'd be bad writing. It wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen, but combined with him not being able to tell El that he loves her, it's all very confusing to say the least. But the story is not over, and maybe, all will be explained. And just maybe, that awkwardness could be described as tension between the two. Maybe Mike is in love with Will. That would be the most logical explanation.

[checkeredflagggs]

Febuwhump Day 10 (ALT 10): Feeding Tube

pairings: gen

summary: a story about y/n, Redbull’s new second driver, told in non-sequential order

a/n: I love febuwhump and have participated before for other fandoms but this is a first for me — attempting to compete it via smau only. Hopefully I can write a complete story eventually and I will be posting it on its own masterlist in the correct order to read but it’ll be written based on the febuwhump prompt list! @febuwhump

a/n2: based on the 2024 year; sorry checo but you got replaced earlier!

Masterlist | Taglist

f1

liked by user, user, user, and 1,274,294 others

tagged: y/n_rb, pierregasly

f1: With the final race of the season underway, there is still no new news of L/N or Gasly who have been removed from the track via Medical Cars after their disastrous crash on the opening lap

view all comments

user1: well that’s one way to frame it

user2: I feel bad for the other drivers…

↳user3: oh same

user4: their radios are still full of them asking for updates

↳user5: most of them have taken to just giving their drivers the “no updates yet” update every couple of minutes anyway

↳user6: I wonder if it’s true there’s no update or if that’s just the official line being given

user7: apparently Logan Sargeant was seen rushing to Miami’s airport soon after the crash was announced

↳user8: while that’s sweet, I don’t like the implications of it

↳user9: right? Like why the rush sir? What do you know that we don’t?

Bluesky

user10: how on earth does a gossip page know this?

↳user11: frankly if this is the only way to get information I’ll take it

user12: i mean obviously they were taken to the hospital

↳user13: i just think people want to know why we’re getting more information from a gossip page then from the official f1 sites…

user14: surgery??? It was bad enough that they needed surgery??

↳user15: I’m not exactly shocked — there’s video of the crash on YouTube already and it was so bad

↳user14: it’s on YouTube???

↳user15: it’s up and down — people keep uploading it and YouTube keeps taking it down…

user16: prayers for them both

user17: f1gossip I’m gonna need you to keep doing the good work and continue with the updates

↳f1gossip: 🫡

Bluesky

user18: jesus…

↳user20: I’m just…shocked

user21: who the fuck is spilling the beans like this??

↳user22: someone who’s gonna be fired I’m guessing…

↳user23: oh absolutely

user24: it’s bad enough she needs a feeding tube?? They were conscious when they left the track???

↳user25: that’s what’s confusing me too…like there’s definitely proof that they were talking to each other when they were being wheeled off the track???

↳user24: right??? Like it definitely looked liked y/n was yelling at Pierre!

↳user25: I’m hopeful that it’s just baseless rumors…

logansargeant: yo what the fuck is this??

Taglist

@anamiad00msday @suns3treading @daniskywalkersolo @awritingtree @justheretoreadthxxs @coral7161 @lost4lyrics @mastermindbaby @freyathehuntress @angelluv16 @nichmeddar @mxm47max @Voidvannie @justaf1girl @a-beaverhausen @tallrock35 @elizamoe133 @yawn-zi @jessica3478

[realhotgirlshitah]

Baking up Trouble (Preview)

Brother’s best friend Luigi x fem reader

This is a preview because I’m too lazy to write a summary LMAO. (Yes this will be smut. Probably the smuttiest smut I’ve ever written so stay tuned idk).

Also lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist for when I actually finish and post 🧍🏾‍♀️🫶🏾

It was rare for you to have the house to yourself.

Whether it was your mom bustling around the kitchen, your dad bellowing on the phone with some poor soul on the other end, or your older brother Caleb shouting over his headset at his friends while playing whatever dumbass game he was obsessed with that week, your home was never quiet.

So, when you finally got the chance to experience true, undisturbed silence, you weren’t about to let it go to waste.

Your parents were out of town on some business trip, dragging Caleb along under the guise of “preparing him for the family empire” or whatever grand plan they had for him. You had to admit you were grateful he was their golden child and not you because the idea of taking over the family business bored you to death. You respected it, sure, but you knew from a young age that it wasn’t for you. So when they extended the invitation—well, demand—to come along, you’d firmly declined, claiming you needed the downtime.

And oh, what a glorious decision that had been.

The house was finally quiet. Peaceful. Blissful. No one was yelling. No one was stomping around. It was just you, your favorite playlist blasting through the speakers, and a baking project you hadn’t been able to tackle since midterms swallowed your life.

You’d opted for comfort, slipping into your comfiest pajama set—a tiny pair of soft cotton shorts (the ones your best friend had gifted you as a joke, with the words “Best Ass on Instagram” emblazoned across the back) and a matching cami. You figured no one would see you, so what did it matter? With Megan Thee Stallion’s music fueling your every move, you danced around the kitchen as you whisked, measured, and kneaded your way into what you were sure would be the best cookies and cakes you’d ever made.

Life was good.

Until it wasn’t.

“CALEBBBBBB! DUDE, WHERE ARE YOU?”

The loud, grating voice shattered the peaceful bubble you’d created, making you jump so violently that the whisk you were holding clattered onto the counter. You froze, your heart sinking as recognition dawned.

There was only one person on Earth capable of being that loud and that irritating at the same time.

Luigi. Fucking. Mangione.

You groaned, your fingers gripping the edge of the counter as you prepared yourself for the chaos about to descend. Luigi had been Caleb’s best friend since they were kids, practically living at your house during summer breaks and any weekend they didn’t have plans elsewhere. He was obnoxious, smug, and always seemed to derive way too much joy from making your life difficult.

Before you could even think of hiding, he sauntered into the kitchen like he owned the place, his trademark smirk plastered across his face. He looked the same as always—big brown puppy-dog eyes that didn’t match his sharp tongue, short brown curls that were in DESPERATE need of some hair oils and curl cream, and, of course, that fuckass shirt.

“The Bali shirt… again?” you glared, gesturing at the faded blue tee he wore. “What is this, Day 527 of you refusing to buy new clothes?”

His grin widened, unbothered as ever. “What can I say? It’s comfortable.”

“Your family owns like half the town, Luigi. Maybe splurge on a shirt that doesn’t look like it’s been run over by a truck.”

“Why would I? This one drives you crazy. Can’t put a price on that.”

You rolled your eyes so hard it was a wonder they didn’t fall out of your head. “What are you even doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Shortcake.”

You bristled at the nickname he’d been calling you since you were kids. You hated it then, and you hated it now, mostly because it only made you feel shorter.

“Don’t call me that,” you snapped.

“What, you don’t like my nickname for you?” he teased, leaning casually against the counter like he didn’t notice (or care) that you were glaring daggers at him.

“No. I don’t, it’s inaccurate, i’m above average height,” you deadpanned.

“Well, too bad. It’s cute. You’re cute. Deal with it.”

You let out a sharp exhale, trying to ignore the way his words made your stomach do something infuriatingly close to flipping.

“Luigi,” you started, crossing your arms, “Why. Are. You. Here?”

He blinked innocently. “Looking for Caleb.”

“Well, Caleb isn’t here, genius. He’s in D.C. with my parents.”

Luigi frowned, his expression briefly falling into confusion before that damn smirk returned. “Huh. Guess I missed the memo, I really thought he’d be here,”

“Well, he’s not,” you said, your tone sharp. “So you can leave.”

He didn’t move. Instead, his gaze flicked over you, taking in your outfit with a slow, deliberate once-over that made your skin heat.

“Cute shorts,” he said, his voice dipping just enough to send an annoying tingle down your spine.

Your face burned. “Excuse me?”

“They’re… festive,” he continued, clearly amused. “What’s it say? ‘Best Ass on—’”

“Don’t.”

“Instagram?” he finished anyway, grinning as your glare deepened. “Fitting.”

“Get out.”

“Why? I’m complimenting you.”

“Luigi.”

“Yes, Shortcake?”

“Get. Out.”

He sighed dramatically, but instead of leaving, he pulled out a chair at the kitchen island and plopped himself down. “Nah, I think I’ll stick around. You look like you could use the company.”

Your jaw dropped. “Are you serious right now?”

“Very.”

“Caleb isn’t here. You have no reason to be here.”

“You’re here,” he said simply, propping his chin in his hand as he stared at you.

You scowled. “That’s not a reason.”

“It is for me.”

You groaned, turning back to your dough in an attempt to ignore him. “You’re insufferable.”

“And you’re adorable when you’re mad,” he shot back without missing a beat.

Your hands stilled, the words catching you off guard. You hated how smooth he could be, how effortlessly he could make you flustered with just a few words. And worse, he knew it.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” you asked, not bothering to look at him.

“Not really.”

“Go find something. Or someone. Literally anyone but me.”

“Why would I do that when I’ve got the best view in town right here?”

You froze, your stomach flipping as the weight of his gaze settled on you. Slowly, you turned to face him, narrowing your eyes.

“You’re disgusting.”

“And you’re a terrible liar,” he countered, leaning back in his chair with that infuriating grin still firmly in place.

“Why are you like this?” you muttered, more to yourself than to him.

“Like what? Charming? Handsome? Irresistible?”

“Annoying. Obnoxious. Full of yourself.”

He chuckled, the sound low and warm. “Admit it, Shortcake. You’d miss me if I wasn’t around.”

You scoffed. “In what universe?”

“This one,” he said easily, his eyes locked onto yours.

The tension in the air thickened, the playful banter giving way to something heavier, more charged. For a moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away. His gaze was intense, almost searching, and it made your chest tighten in a way you didn’t want to examine too closely.

Finally, you broke the silence, turning back to your dough with a sharp exhale. “You’re delusional.”

“Maybe,” he said, his voice softer now. “But I’m not wrong.”

You didn’t respond, focusing instead on kneading the dough with more force than necessary. The sound of the music filled the space between you, but it did little to drown out the weight of his presence.

[slytherinlives]

I Feel Nothing For You - Sebastian Sallow

Rating: G

Tags: Hurt, break-ups, denial, angst.

Words: ~700

Summary: Sebastian tries to rid himself of the lingering presence post break-up.

(This is written with a gender-neutral "ex partner" that could be considered x reader if you squint. It could also be anyone else you want to use as a stand in. I didn't go into this with a ship in mind, just wanted to write a drabble of angst.)

[Read on ao3 or below the cut]

The water pouring from the tap was cold enough to cut off Sebastian's blood flow. His breaths coming in heaving gasps as he diligently scrubbed his skin, desperate to remove the lingering touches and their scent. As if he could get underneath and wash away their memory. 

He moved on to his hair next, then his face, before grabbing a nail brush he pilfered from his sister and started scrubbing away all traces of them from his hands. 

Sebastian wanted to be a version of himself that was never tainted by the heartache he felt. A layer of chill bumps formed on his flesh, causing all hair to stand on end and a shiver to wrack through him. It made him scrub faster, harder. Diligent and harsh, whatever it took to remove fingerprints. 

After what was surely an hour Sebastian turned the water off, wrapping a towel around himself before heading over to the sink. He turned the cold water on, then started brushing his teeth just as vigorously. The taste of them had to be removed just as effectively. 

Never existed. 

He repeated in his head for hours now, thinking the more he said it the more it would be true.

Sebastian already tossed and burned every trace of them in his dorm. Every piece of clothing, gift, letter. All of it turned to ashes in the furnace that sat in the middle of the room. It was especially difficult to cast a charm to make any future correspondence from them unable to reach him, but he managed. Hopefully if they tried to send a letter, the post would be sent off to the void. 

Most people probably treated a breakup or heartache much differently than Sebastian is currently. He was probably expected to wallow in bed for days or seem more broken up than he appears. But Sebastian isn't most people. 

Never existed. 

He rinsed his mouth out and wiped away the remnants of water and toothpaste from his lips before tossing the dirty towel into the bin and headed back to his dorm. 

Everything in his wardrobe was now brand new. Sale tags still hanging on the sleeves of the new uniforms, he ripped them off as he got dressed. The bag holding his books was also new, everything that became tainted now replaced. 

Sebastian ran his fingers through his still damp hair, taking one last look in the mirror before heading out the door. Hushed whispers surrounded him as he walked past, the news spreading throughout the castle like wildfire already. He didn't care though, as far as Sebastian was concerned, the gossip was about a ghost.

Before he could enter the great hall, someone stopped him. Sebastian hesitated slightly, before turning.

"Can we pretend like this never happened?" They spoke sullenly, looking at him with tear filled eyes. A mix of regret and longing on their face. Now standing before him and begging for a second chance, to get back together.

They probably meant the argument between them earlier. The shouting, the anger, words hurled at each other so harshly they struck physical blows. Likely referring to the inevitable calling it quits. 

Sebastian swallowed at the words, thinking them over briefly before settling on what he needed. For the first time in years not choosing what he wanted. He regarded them with a blank stare. The same one he would give any stranger he didn't know. "Never happened." He finally spoke, a half-hearted smirk crossing his lips. Then he pushed past them and into the hall, walking over to take his place at the Slytherin table.

This is where the request differed. 

For Sebastian, they never met. Never shared secrets or dreams. Never stayed up late mapping the stars or talking about their futures. Never shared themselves with each other. Never explored around the castle together. Never shared jokes or laughs. 

Perhaps he was being too cruel, acting too unbothered. 

But Sebastian learned a long time ago that when something hurts, it's easier to pretend it didn't happen. Shut yourself off and turn yourself numb. Get rid of everything that reminds you of it. If there's no trace, there's no proof. If you don't feel the burn, then you're already healing.

If you don't want to feel the pain, it's easier to act like it never existed. 

[lover-of-mine]

Idk if you still post things related to this kind of ask but i needed a way to communicate my thoughts and you were always a good solution.

So, im going to write in private because i dont want my identity to be disclosed since there is a blog that likes to find people through the VPN and then harass them in private.

Im from the BuckTommy side or i was. Im getting put this fandom, in general, because im so tired. I was never a Buddie shipper, i was just an enjoyer of the show but never got to the shipping point. But, idk, for some reason BuckTommy was enjoyable. Then they broke up and oh god. It’s like a fucking job, you need to produce everyday constantly because they need to trend everyday, they need to be every week in that ship post tumblr make. They have fanwork for every day, there is the one about FluffFebruary and FanWork Friday, and other events that needs to be done every day and if you slack then someone is going to come into your private message asking why you didn’t write or draw or posted something.

There is a daily mandatory email to send to ABC using pre written template.

Then there is the way we have to act, like we are a big community that hold hands and act kind with one another because we need to be different, we need to be better, we need to look like immaculate and you can’t even say what you think, you can’t even write something different because what if someone on the Buddie side find some controversial post and use it to say that BuckTommy stans are bad?

Im getting out of this but i wanted you to know what it’s like, i want everyone to know.

Okay, imma be honest with you, I didn't want to post about this stuff anymore, but I finished reading this with my jaw so low I have to. Multiple people have told me about rules in those spaces but what? Templates? Forcing you to post? How do you even enforce this type of shit? Do they know fandom is supposed to be fun? Oh my god.

[littleacorn28]

Why I need diapers?

written by a little Seedling This is a little story about how a little seedling and his/her first adventure with diapers It all started one summer evening in the year of 2015, after years of browsing Tumblr and Blogspot, reading countless stories and captions about people in diapers and living out their lives. I finally found the courage and shop to order a package of diapers, ABU lavenders.

When I had the diaper taped on, it felt amazing, it felt like a little weight lifting off my shoulder. I could immediately imagine myself in the stories I have read before: Moving into a new neighbourhood and being corrupted by the new neighbour, being an adventure seeking person in an empty house, finding bewitched items all around and slowly becoming more babyish and many other stories I read.

The first time I wore diapers, I was too scared to wet them, afraid of what would happen when I did, the thoughts of what could happen if people found out I wore diapers, what would happen if people found out. In short, I stress about the consequences of my actions, during the following weeks and many diapers wasted, I was able the reduce my anxiety and get used to feeling of a wet diaper, by pouring water in the front and back of the diaper. The aforementioned things reduced my anxiety for wetting so much, that I could sit on the potty and wet my diaper.

Things that also made me less anxious for trying to wet my diapers, was hypnosis. Listening to certain files from warpmymind and the abdlarchive. This helped me get less anxious where seeing other people on tumblr in cute little outfits with big swollen diapers.

During the coming years, I bought more and more diapers every month, getting more comfortable wetting diapers to the point of wetting a diaper when I wear one, which actually makes me miss the feeling of a dry diaper >//<.

The feeling of immediately wetting a diaper once you’ve taped it on, is amazing. It would not matter if I went to the potty beforehand, my diapers would be soaked the minute the tapes are taped stuck.

something that I want to learn is messing my diaper, it is something that I have tried over the years, but every time I tried, I get a gigantic mental block in my head and the feeling just stops and I do not get the feeling back until I remove the diaper… which is an interesting situation to be in…. I just think that the feeling of humping Rosie( my pink stuffie) in a wet/soaked and messy diaper whilst wearing a cute (maid) dress would be bliss, I think that is my favourite fantasy that I can achieve on my own, if I ever would be able to get over that mental block. I think I am derailing this post a bit.

The reason I need diapers is… because I am addicted to wetting them and wearing them!

Big sister @riniclover made me write this as a punishment as I was getting to big for my britches and said I needed a reminder of what I am... a silly little baby!

[kt-the-lee]

A Moment Of Silly - a Criminal Minds Tickle Fic

hello my lovely community! it has been brought to my attention that there is a serious lack of Criminal Minds tickle fic, so i thought i would rectify this situation! i actually wrote this one a few months ago and i legitimately just forgot to post it, but honestly i have no idea why because think it's my favourite ticfic I've ever written and i am still very proud of it :D

A/N: this was initially just meant to be a lee!hotch fic at first - but i couldn't NOT write a bit of lee!reid because THAT MEAN NEEDS TO BE WRECKED AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY OKAY I DON'T MAKE THE RULES

Word Count: 3678

Lees: Aaron Hotchner (mainly) and Spencer Reid (i couldn't resist)

Lers: Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid

The jet was mostly silent as the team settled into hour 2 of their 5 hour flight. Hotch slept across two seats with Derek also deep in slumber across from him. Spencer and Emily were completely engrossed in an intense round of chess, complete with glares and sighs as they routinely outsmarted each other. JJ had tucked herself in a corner, going over some requests for the BAU and quietly ranking them in importance in her brain.

This comfortable silence did not last, however, as a low giggle filled the plane. Everyone conscious whipped their heads around, making confused eye contact and trying to decipher who the hell had just made that noise.

“Spence, that MUST’VE been you,” said JJ, not entirely sounding sure herself on her own conclusion.

“Nuh uh, I’m sat opposite him!” said Emily. “He didn’t make a sound!”

“Maybe it was a ghost!” grinned Spencer. “I’ve had a growing theory that this jet is haunted, and this just proves-“

He was cut off by the giggle again, but this time the three awake were conscious enough to trace the sound back to its origin. The origin being a fast asleep, brunette man with a grin etched upon his face in his slumber.

The three couldn’t help but giggle in return, trying to stifle their volume so as to not awaken their fellow sleeping agents, but this was becoming all the more difficult as their own giggles mixing with Hotch’s unconscious chuckles led them into a moment of pure silly.

“Y’know what,” pondered Emily as she managed to compose herself from her giggles. “I don’t actually think I’ve heard Hotch genuinely laugh before. That might just be because I haven’t known him as long as you guys, but I do think that’s the closest I’ve heard.”

Spencer and JJ locked eyes, both thinking back on the time they’d known Hotch. They both thought long and hard, trying to sift through memories of mirth in the BAU and trying to recall whether Hotch shared in their joy. They both came to the same conclusion.

“I haven’t actually heard him properly laugh before either.” said JJ, a hint of sadness to her voice.

“Well, there could be plenty of reasons for this!” said Spencer, emitting a groan from the others as they felt an infodump coming. “Laughter is inherently vulnerable, and Hotch tries to keep a shield up as much as he can. As well as this, laughter is a purely social activity, proven in the fact that you are 40x more likely to laugh when in a social setti-HEHEHEY!”

Spencer’s infodump was cut short as he felt Emily reach under the table and squeeze the muscles above his knee a few times. His knee shot up, trying desperately to curl and wriggle away but the table above his legs entirely blocked him from doing so. Instead, all he managed to achieve was knocking over the entire chessboard.

“Now THAT was uncalled for!” protested Spencer, still giggling.

“I think it was fully called for!” chuckled Emily, giving his knee another squeeze for good measure. It was then that JJ had a lightbulb moment, the idea growing on her face in the form of a devious grin so obvious that both Spencer and Emily enquired to what was going on in her brain.

“I think I have an idea on how to hear more of Hotch’s laugh!” grinned JJ, ambling over to take the seat next to Spencer.

Emily caught on instantly, glancing over at their slumbering superior and chuckling to herself at the thought of Hotch being made to giggle like Spencer had done previously. Spencer, however, still looked confused and had somehow missed the cues between the girls. “What are you two on about?”

JJ and Emily both rolled their eyes.

“Care to help me clarify?” asked the brunette to the blonde, reaching back under the table to resume her squeezing motions on Spencer’s knee as the man let out yet another stifled yelp. JJ’s grin somehow widened further, her hands finding home under Spencer’s arms, scribbling and poking at his underarms through his shirt.

Spencer squealed and fell backwards, shooting his arms down and knees up into the table, again. JJ and Emily couldn’t help but tease the poor boy:

 “Well, you’ve trapped my hands under your arms now! I guess they’ll just have to stay here tickling until you lift them again!”

“Shhhh, you have to be quiet Spencer! Hotch and Morgan are asleep! This is so inconsiderate of you to laugh this loudly”

“What’s wrong Spence? You’ll definitely end up injuring yourself if you keep wriggling like this, just keep still!”

“Tickle tickle tickleeeeeee~”

Upon that last remark from Emily, Spencer’s shrieks and squeals got to a volume that stirred Derek from his slumber. The duo immediately clocked that he had woken up, but made no move to stop their attack as Derek immediately smiled at the scene unfolding in front of him.

“Get his belly, the poor boy’s like a puppy dog really” encouraged Morgan, earning a string of curses from the victim.

“Hehehehehey! We’ve detracted from the original point of this discUSSION-” Spencer’s laugh jumped an octave as JJ’s hand slipped under his shirt and fingers danced patterns all over his stomach. This, coupled with Emily’s hands now sneaking behind his knee, sent Spencer’s brain into overdrive as his endearing laughter filled the plane.

“He does have a point” said JJ. “And we probably shouldn’t carry this on for too much longer as this idiot is incapable of not overreacting, we don’t want to wake Hotch before we’re ready!”

Emily nodded in agreement, and both girls retracted their attack on the youngest member of the team. Spencer immediately curled in on himself and pouted, muttering under his breath

“I wasn’t OVERREACTING.” He grumbled. “There’s plenty of theories why some people are more ticklish than others, all of which are conflicting, but regardless I cannot help that I ended up on the more unfortunate end of the spectrum.”

“’Unfortunate’ my ASS!” retorted Derek, finally awake enough to amble over and take the seat next to Emily. He then reached underneath the table to squeeze at Spencer’s knees once more, earning a yelp and a flinch. “We all know you love it, genius. You give yourself away.”

This earned a kick and a glare from Spencer, but he couldn’t mask the smile that lingered on his face. The three others just chuckled; they all knew Spencer loved the attention and the silliness, and they loved how embarrassed he was by it.

“Anyway, we’ll leave you be now. What WAS the original point of the discussion?” pondered Morgan, remembering what Spencer had touched upon earlier. “And why was Reid getting his ass handed to him? Not that he doesn’t usually deserve it.”

Another kick from Spencer made Derek laugh as JJ explained about Hotch laughing in his sleep, how they’d drawn the conclusion that they’d never heard Hotch laugh properly, how they’d come to tickle Spencer in the first place, and the plan that they were hatching before they got distracted with the former point. Derek grinned, mischief flooding his face as he excitedly nodded his head at the beginnings of this plan.

“Oh it’ll 100% work.” He smiled, a fond memory filling his brain. “I have actually heard Hotch laugh before – I visited him for whatever reason one Sunday afternoon, Haley answered the door and led me through to the living room where him and Jack were playing tickle monster. Obviously it was more of Jack getting tickled by his dad, but occasionally he would get him back, and his reactions did seem pretty genuine!”

JJ and Emily’s eyes lit up at this, grinning with fondness over at the (somehow) still-sleeping Hotch.

“So… we’re absolutely doing this, right?” said Emily.

“Oh, 100%” smirked JJ.

As JJ said this, the quartet all whipped their heads around as they heard Hotch shuffle on the sofa. He had gone from curled up on his side, mimicking the position of a foetus, to fully spread out on his back like a stretching cat. He appeared to still be fast asleep, although now, the position he laid in drew immediate attention to his torso. The four burst into giggles once more at this.

“Oh, it’s like he’s ASKING for it.” chuckled Morgan. “He’s literally left himself wide open for us.”

This statement from Morgan was more ironic than any of them realised, as that was exactly what Hotch had done.

Truth be told, Hotch had woken up to the same squeal from Reid that caused Morgan to rise. However, he had initially just tried to go back to sleep as, as much as he knew the team needed those playful moments of silly between them, he didn’t feel the need to get involved himself. It wasn’t until he overheard the conversation that followed from Reid’s attack that his interest piqued. Clearly, the fact that he’d inadvertently giggled in his sleep was fascinating to the rest of his team, and he decided in that moment to have a little bit of fun with them. Hotch wasn’t actually all that ticklish himself, so he knew he could fend off his team of FBI children very easily. It was this conclusion that led him to roll onto his back “in his sleep”, just to enhance the game for the others.

He felt the presence of four people surround him as he worked to keep his breathing mimicking that of an asleep person. Endeared by the childish whispers and giggles of the team, he enjoyed how much fun they were having, like a group of children ganging up on a very patient dad.

“So what do we do first?”

“You’re meant to be the genius, pretty boy!”

“Yes well I’m usually on the receiving end, aren’t I!”

“Don’t grumble, we all know how much you love it”

“Oh shut up, JJ”

“All of you shut up or you’ll blow this for us!”

Their petty squabbling was silenced by Emily. She brought a finger to her mouth, indicating utmost silence from the rest of the team as they obliged. She then leant over and began to trace very gentle patterns into Hotch’s shirt, just about where the front of his ribs met the top of his stomach. She slowly increased the intensity, trying not to wake him too suddenly but at the same time trying to eek out any reaction from the man.

Nothing.

“Oh come ON” she grumbled under her breath, walking her fingers down to spider at his entire torso through his shirt. She covered all bases; stomach, sides, every indent of his ribs.

Still, nothing.

“You have got to be kidding me. That would’ve had Reid absolutely convulsing if I’d pulled that move on him!”

Spencer glared and reached over to poke Emily’s side, earning a squeak from her and an elbow into his arm. “Clearly not just me, then.” He smirked.

Emily looked ready to unleash hell on Spencer once again before JJ separated them both. “Task at hand, people! You two had better behave before I ground you both.”

JJ signalled to Morgan to up the ante. He sat on the floor at the lower half of Hotch, trying every tickly method he could think of on his knee to try and irk even a smile out of him. JJ settled at the other end, using her nails to scritch all the way around Hotch’s neck.

Once again, nothing.

JJ huffed in disappointment and Morgan let out a stream of curses at their failed attempts to tickle their superior.

“Literally, how.” pondered Morgan. “I know we all bully Reid here, but I think all four of us would’ve at least had SOME reaction to that, I mean come ON”

“Well, he could still be ticklish!” said Spencer. “The nerve cells that produce the tickle response, although often found in the same places across most human beings, can be found in unorthodox places sometimes! That being said, we haven’t even covered all bases with the obvious spots yet, like there’s the feet-“

“I wouldn’t waste your time.” a low, fifth voice joined the conversation.

The four whipped their heads back around to stare at Hotch, eyes open and grinning up at them. They all looked absolutely outraged, and the expressions of their faces alone was enough to earn a small chuckle from the man.

“It was a nice try, guys. But clearly you just profiled me wrong.” He smirked. “I’ve been awake for awhile, I just thought it’d be a little bit funny to see you hatch your devious plans like that for it to not come to fruition.”

He chuckled again as his team couldn’t seem to find any words, only disgruntled grumbles and glares of apparent defeat.

“You can carry on tickling me if you want! I can laugh and wriggle and do a full Reid on you, I do that with Jack sometimes to let him when we play!”

This did not appease the team as Derek let out a grumble of “No, it wouldn’t be the same.”

Hotch chuckled again and settled his arms behind his head, closing his eyes once more. “Nice try anyway, team. It was a good effort.”

And he thought that would be the end of it.

In fact, it almost was. Emily and Morgan had begun to shuffle to their original seats, but JJ and Spencer stood still, eyes glancing between Hotch and each other. They both recounted the attack from earlier, JJ’s tease about Spencer trapping her hands under his arms replaying in both of their minds as they glanced at Hotch’s now-exposed underarms.

“Hey, Reid, you know what you were saying earlier about covering all bases?” JJ whispered in a hushed tone.

Spencer nodded. “You’ve read my mind, actually.”

The pair quickly caught Emily and Morgan and relayed their theory to them, hatching a far quieter plan between the four of them as to avoid Hotch’s listening ears.

Hotch felt their presence around him once more, and jumped slightly as Derek spoke to him far closer to his ear than he was expecting.

“Actually, Hotch, we’re bored.” he said. “And also don’t believe you. At all. So we’re going to take you up on your previous offer.”

“Oh? Go ahead.” said Hotch, not making any movement from the position he was in.

Emily dove in again immediately, repeating the motions she had previously crafted on his torso once more, far more determined this time. Hotch just shrugged, a slight grin forming on his face from the sensations, but nothing more.

JJ and Morgan also resumed their motions from earlier, this time switched in roles. JJ used the squeezing technique on Hotch’s knees that had driven Spencer up the wall previously, and Morgan tantalisingly tracing every nerve cell on his neck, digging in at the odd pressure point. Hotch shuffled slightly and chuckled in surprise, not expecting all three of them to coordinate like this. It didn’t tickle enough for him to outwardly react more than the single surprised chuckle, and was ignorable enough to remain still and smug.

That was, until, Spencer joined the fray.

A pair of hands crept from where Morgan was sat, resting in a claw shape on Hotch’s underarms. Spencer curled and uncurled his fingers a single time, the quartet watching Hotch stiffen at the sensation, this simple movement alone sending a zap of panic through him. His eyes widened along with his smile and, even though Spencer hadn’t made any further movement yet, instinctively snapped down his arms.

Well, he tried to, anyway.

Morgan was quicker than Hotch, immediately stopping the onslaught on his neck and quickly catching his wrists, preventing him from putting his arms down. Hotch tried desperately to fight Morgan’s grip, but he was simply not strong enough. The grip around his wrists and arms left his underarms fully exposed, and this realisation alone was enough for Hotch to lose his cool demeanour.

“He’s all yours, pretty boy.” chuckled Morgan as Hotch struggled in his grip, trying and failing to bring his arms down and protect the spot that had been so cruelly exposed.

“JJ, Emily, stop a sec.” ordered Spencer. “I want to see if this is gonna get him as bad as I think it will.”

The girls grinned and ceased their motions. Hotch protested, counting on the fact that he could distract himself from the one spot that would light him on fire by focussing on the duller sensations. The quartet simply ignored him, all four watching with shit-eating grins on their faces as Spencer started to repeat the curling motions from earlier, this time not stopping and slowly increasing in intensity.

Hotch screwed up his face, trying desperately to ignore how much it fucking TICKLED. He couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth turning upwards as Reid persisted, the chuckling from the four of them not helping the situation in any way.

“He looks about ready to explode!”

“What’s wrong, Hotch? Thought you weren’t ticklish?”

“Seems we profiled you correctly after all!”

“C’mon Reid, you can try harder than that!”

Spencer glared at Emily. “What more could I be doing right now! I am tickling him, am I not?”

“Not PROPERLY. You’re literally just spidering.” huffed Emily. “You’d think someone as ticklish as you would know exactly how to tickle someone else!”

“Well, funnily enough, I don’t really pay much attention to your technique when you get me!” said Spencer, an embarrassed flush returning to his cheeks. He tried to think scientifically about the attack from earlier, and how JJ had been tickling his underarms. He switched up his movements, digging in more circular motions as opposed to the spider-like movements before.

Suddenly, they all heard it again. The same noise that had started this whole debacle.

The dam had broken. Hotch had spent such an effort beforehand to stifle his reactions that all of them just came at once. Low giggles very quickly turned to howling laughs as Reid abused this new technique, finding every tiny ticklish spot and making mental notes as to where his laugh changed in volume and pitch. He squirmed in Morgan’s grip, trying desperately and failing to get some relief from the onslaught. He then tried to bring his legs up, but a very determined Emily sat her entire weight on Hotch’s legs so he was fully immobile. All he could do was laugh.

And honestly? He didn’t mind it as much as he thought it would. It reminded him of playfights with Jack, except it was his four adult children. His four adult children who were getting incredible amounts of satisfaction from this, and his four adult children who could overpower him far more easily than his three-year-old son could.

Emily and JJ decided to resume their attacks from earlier, the brunette tweaking and poking at his sides whilst the blonde tormented his knees. Since the dam had been broken, these spots also seemed to get a decent reaction from Hotch as the combination of all three of them tickling him silly was enough for him to let out a squeal that was most unlike him. His four attackers erupted into laughter.

“Hotch, what was THAT.” howled Morgan, using what wiggle room he had to find sensitive pressure points around Hotch’s neck as he still held him tightly.

“I almost feel bad for him.” chuckled Spencer, shuddering as he imagined how dead he would be if this attack turned onto him.

“I don’t! He lied to us!” cried Emily, not in the slightest bit feeling any guilt. “He told us he wasn’t ticklish, but he is! He’s tickle tickle tickleeeeeeish-”

“Oh Emily that’s just CRUEL” grinned JJ. She herself had been on the receiving end when Emily had been full-tilt tickle monster, and she knew how much her words and teases made everything tickle so much worse.

Hotch could only laugh. He would get tired of this soon, he knew. He was never the biggest fan of being tickled, but life had been so intense lately that this moment of carefree, childlike silliness had benefited him more than he’d realised. He concluded that this couldn’t be a fix too often as it would just become repetitive and irritating, he had a certain image to maintain as their superior, after all. However, it was perfect for this moment, and the four could sense it. They knew him well enough to not tease him about how much he was visibly enjoying himself, however, as they knew it would ruin the moment immediately. So the quartet simply laughed along with him and poked fun at every noise and reaction he made.

Eventually, Hotch called it off. He lay back, catching his breath, residual chuckles still draining from his mouth like the last drops from a closed fountain. He looked up at the rest of his team, all four grinning like children, clearly beyond proud of their antics. He couldn’t help but feel proud of them.

“If any of you attempt that again, best believe I’m sending you straight to Strauss.” he said in a mock-serious tone. “But, I supposed that’s what I had coming for me when I lied to four very persistent behaviour analysts.”

He shuffled himself to standing and began to make his way to the bathroom on the jet.

“Oh, and by the way. I’ve seen the way Morgan reacts when Garcia gets too close to his neck.” Hotch grinned. “Thought the three of you should know this!”

As he disappeared into the bathroom, all he heard was a “FUCK YOU, HOTCH!” and an “EMILY, DON’T YOU DARE!” before the sounds of Morgan’s muffled cackles filled the plane. Hotch smiled. He had gotten his fill of the playfulness, but he knew his team needed more than him. They were young, they were so smart and so good at their jobs, and if this was the way they unwound and found joy then Hotch could do nothing but encourage it.

[rareomens]

Oh hey, no. Don't do that. Please.

This is a bit of a read but I've spent a long time thinking and editing, and I'm saying this all gently but seriously.

I imagine the above was NOT intentionally said to prick anyone's emotions, but this kind of comment on Rare Omens prompts is like saying it about any of them. It reminds me that so many of these pairs are only tolerated at best by the majority of folks in the fandom. (Every one of these prompts has people who don't like or even actively hate them. Take a look at the prompt list in our pinned post, and marvel at that statement but know it to be true.)

This prompt month event has a "don't like? ignore it and move on" policy. Trust me from experience with my own rare ships: we hear the disgust or hate enough, we know others aren't into it.

If you don't like something, that's okay! If you want to talk about not liking it, that's also okay. BUT PLEASE don't reply to people who are clearly having their fun in a post. It's not necessary and it only makes people feel badly to see it directly in the notifs. It only digs away at feeling welcome to whatever we get from enjoying a pair (or OT3, or polycule, etc). And that can lead to feeling unwelcome in the wider fandom the rest of the time... which is absolutely devastating to feel.

You can post separately and start a conversation to find people who feel similarly if you feel strongly and want to have those conversations—though hating on rare pairs/characters is common and such posts are probably not necessary. Anyone doing so: please DO NOT TAG a ship in your tags when hating on it. Bc the people most likely searching that tag? They DO like it, and don't need to wade through a bunch of negative comments to find fellow fans.

I started Rare Omens bc it was hard to find transformative works for ships I liked (be it as a couple or ANY OTHER way you can pair characters up—as a reminder: it doesn't have to be NSFW; it doesn't have to be SFW either of course). I wanted to find other people who enjoyed what I enjoyed. And to help people experiment with making stories and art they otherwise might never have thought about. And it has gone really well! I've seen NSFW ships, and friend ships, and respected enemies, hated enemies, and AUs of all shapes. Participants over the years have mentioned that they never would've thought to try writing certain characters in stories or draw them off on adventures. THAT, I love. We know there's ever anyone out there excited for their faves and waiting for it.

I also want to say...

I saw this reply earlier today but I was out at a showing of Macbeth where I made the acquaintance of a bunch of Good Omens fans (ranging in age from 20s to 60s at a guess). One of them even cosplays Metatron, and their Crowley and Aziraphale showed pics. It was real fun to see them include a rarer character in their cosplay group. I didn't have a chance to reply to this until now, and I'm glad I waited. I'm thinking about that cosplayer too: it can be disheartening to see "your" rare character excluded from the fun of transformative works.

Right. All this to say:

Please be kind to your fellow fans, even when they're playing with the dolls in ways you would never.

We don't have to force ourselves to like anything or interact with it (in fact: don't interact, talk privately to your friends who understand), but we gotta let people have their sandbox too. Because if we're excluding our weirdest and wildest takes, the most gloriously crackfic pairings possible, then we're not safe for anyone. We're not transforming anything.

Ship and let ship.

Thank you.

[UPDATE] Docdust and I have chatted. They've adjusted their comment. They are friends with the others and meant it in a positive way. So new addendum 😅: inside jokes outside our groups can be seen by others who might not know our history or what we're doing with RP.

I'm glad no one was really hating on a pair. And I'm equally glad to have Rare Omens' stance on it all written out here. Thank you all for continuing to be supportive of each other!

It’s Rare Omens 2025 Day 4

Aziraphale and Metatron!

Are the Guardian and the Voice lovers, enemies, siblings, friends, work colleagues? Share your prompt fills of the Guardian and the Voice and tag us.

You can also post to the **AO3 collection** Rare_Omens, which we'll check regularly throughout the prompt month.

[justalittleguest]

Why is the spiciest, vilest, sinisterest take on Horror him being a cannibal. Girl that’s NOT his toxic trait. He’s so much worse.

[wundrousarts]

Something I’ve noticed for awhile is that I often get comments from people about how they are surprised how I always come up with theories and try to guess what might happen and they “could never do that” themselves. I want to say: yes you can! There’s honestly a shortage of Nevermoor theories and ideas and speculation and etc and I want to see MORE!!!

Want to talk about how Morrigan’s mom is actually secretly alive? How the Scholar Mistresses are a Wundrous Act? Do you think the Tempus Divinity looks like an owl, or do you think Weaving and Ruination would be met together? Or have you ever thought about how this one line, from Chapter 19 of Nevermoor, about Betram Crow actually means he was a Cursed Child? Whatever it is you want to talk about: GO FOR IT!!!

I personally find it very fun to go sort of “English class mode” and look at the text in front of me and think about what different things might mean and analyze it and even overthink it to an unnecessary (but fun!) amount. But that’s just me and how I like to approach things! You don’t need to make long posts and quote specific lines if that isn’t your style. The big thing to remember is that so much can happen in the next six books, so throw any idea out there! You never know what twists and turns will be thrown at us. I think it’s fun to share these ideas and discuss with other people— sure, maybe there’s just something you missed when reading, but perhaps some new ideas spawn might from it. Some speculation could even serve as inspiration for fics!

There are some theories and thoughts that I’ve posted that have been “debunked” when I reread a book, or when someone pointed out something, or even just when something had a real-world basis that I as an American didn’t catch. But it was still fun to think about it all, and there’s some bits and pieces that I see as notable and worth considering. I think most of the Silverborn Masterpost is going to be “wrong”, but if just 1% of it is “correct”, even indirectly, I will take that as a win. I know it feels like during the hiatus everyone’s talked about everything, but I hope that the incoming communal reread (fingers crossed) and obviously Silverborn brings some speculation back to the fandom because I want to discusssssss!

[itsbenedict]

Okay, but what would the roster of that game look like? I... actually need to know this now. Let's break it down.

First: who in the cast does and does not have a mom?

First- characters who definitively do not have mothers who make any visual appearance in any Nintendo media:

Princess Peach (knows not of her past; adopted by Toads)

Donkey Kong (Wrinkly is his grandma, and we never learn who his confusingly-named father Donkey Kong Jr. sired him with.)

Captain Falcon (international man of mystery)

Falco Lombardi (intergalactic bird of mystery)

the Ice Climbers (we know nothing about their relationships, even with each other. official sources are inconsistent on whether they're related, romantically involved, or just good friends.)

Kirby (shaped like a friend)

Princess Zelda from Ocarina of Time (though we'll get into other Zeldas)

Link (and his younger self) from Ocarina of Time

Mr. Game and Watch (?????????????)

And special mention to Mewtwo, who wins the prize for being the least mom-having character in the entire game, being the only one to canonically, definitely not have a mom of any sort, being a clone of Mew created in a lab.

Next up: the characters who are basically just animals.

Yoshi is sometimes treated like a specific character, but there are hordes of technicolor Yoshis all over the place, many of whom fall tragically into pits. They give birth to eggs all the time, so a Yoshi is technically Yoshi's mom, unless of course you want to count Mama Luigi.

Likewise, Pikachu and Jigglypuff are species of pokémon capable of breeding and producing more of themselves as offspring. Due to the way egg groups work, any pokémon in the Field or Fairy egg groups is capable of being Pikachu or Jigglypuff's mom, respectively. Who's to say Pikachu's mom is not a Dunsparce? No one, that's who.

Notably, Pichu is the only one of these who cannot just continue to be in the game as its own mom. Baby pokémon cannot breed- so Pichu's mom could be in the game, but not Pichu itself.

It is time for legit mom-havers.

First, the Mario Brothers. It's a bit of a tricky situation, but... yes, they have a mom. The only appearance she ever makes in the games is in SMW2, Yoshi's Island, as presumably one of two pairs of hands:

Mama Mario does technically make an appearance in the Illumination movie, but for the purposes of this exercise we are not going to acknowledge that thing. Instead, we can go by the Super Mario Bros. Super Show, wherein she makes several appearances, played by Captain Lou Albano:

So that's definitely fair game.

Again diving into the Super Show well, Bowser has a mother- and she even shows up in at least one game! It's Mario's Time Machine, but I'll count it.

I'm sure she's very proud of her son. Much like Mama Mario, her moveset is probably pretty similar to that of her progeny.

Ganondorf is a bit of an edge case- his biological mother is never mentioned by name, and may or may not appear in-game. He was given up to and adopted by a pair of surrogate mothers:

Now, these two could be a duo character like the Ice Climbers, but luckily these two diminutive women with fire and ice themed powers with gems embedded in their bodies can magically fuse into a single very tall person, named Garnet:

Uh- wait, no, sorry, my mistake- named Twinrova:

Fox McCloud does have a mother with a name and confirmed appearance, very technically:

Vixy Reinard (presumably later McCloud, unless the leader of Star Fox was scandalously born out of wedlock or if she kept her name after marriage) was killed by Andross with a freaking car bomb, but presumably if she hadn't taken her husband's car to work that day she'd be just as proficient with a blaster and/or Arwing as her son.

Ness has a mom! She makes steak! And screw you if you don't like it, Pokey. She knows her way around a tenderizer! She has no need for psychic powers- she is going to beat the absolute stuffing out of everyone. And you might think, well, technically she doesn't have a name--

--the whole dang game is named after her, you fools!

Samus's mom, Virginia Aran, does technically have a name and face and appears in the games! She doesn't do a whole lot besides getting murdered by Ridley, which her daughter demonstrably does not do very often, so an argument could be made that the Metroid franchise has better options for mother representation. Mother Brain actually kind of is a mother figure to Samus in the manga backstory- and if you're willing to go along with Team Ninja's character assassination in Other M, Samus herself is kind of already a mom.

Now, Princess Zelda from Ocarina of Time doesn't have a mom, and in fact the only other viable moms among all Zeldas are the unnamed and unseen Queen of Hyrule in Breath of the Wild, and...

...this portrait of a woman seen on Tetra's pirate ship in Wind Waker. It's a sort of obvious implication, but there's technically nothing confirming it and she's never given a name.

That said, most Zeldas do in fact have an in-game mother figure, whose exact relationship to her varies but is usually explicitly Zelda's guardian and caretaker. Impa is a strong candidate for this game's roster, and depending on how you define your terms you could say she's Sheik's mom, too.

Marth has a mom. Her name is Liza, she's the queen of Altea, and she has no particular traits and gets killed offscreen by the badguy for fridge motivation reasons. Probably the most perfunctory appearance on this roster, but she does technically meet the requirements.

Roy is an interesting case. We know he has a mom, and we technically know her name and appearance, but we don't know who specifically she is. Eliwood, his dad, has three A-rank supports with women in the prequel/sequel Blazing Sword- with Lyn, Ninian, and Fiora.

Eliwood likes blue hair, apparently. Can't knock him for that. Apparently all three of these moms are potentially canon, but by far the most likely option (being sort of the central romance and Eliwood's main motivation for the latter half of the game) is Ninian. That said, we do have to consider this is a fighting game- Ninian is a noncombat dancer unit, and while we could hypothetically teach her some kung fu or let her do some Corrin-style partial dragon transformation attacks she never exhibits in-game, the others might make a little more sense. Lyn is an assist trophy already, so maybe Fiora is the best choice? A pegasus knight would be fun to play, probably. I dunno. Make up your mind, Eliwood!

(The Super Smash Mothers Ultibrate roster is out of the scope of this post, but would likely run into numerous complications of this nature:

The Roy situation would of course repeat itself due to Lucina's Schrodinger's parentage situation.

Diddy Kong also presents issues, as he may or may not actually be the nephew of Donkey Kong, whose sister is never shown and might not exist.

Which Piranha Plant had bone in it?

Bernadette Hedgehog apparently only existed in something called the "Pre-Super Genesis Wave Timeline", which was erased from existence (presumably by some sort of Super Genesis Wave, judging by the name), and the less I know about that, the better.

Bowser Jr. is in Ultimate, and the academic debate over his parentage could fill more than triple the length of this post alone.

The only thing I think we can definitely agree on is that 5-Volt, despite not being Wario's mom, needs to be on the roster somehow.)

Super Smash Mothers Brelee

[griem]

ijbol idk man releasing screenshots of very polarizing things said in a private discord server between friends in a public "callout" post is #the most #tumblrific thing ive ever seen LOL.

#opinion 😱 in tags