#not even in a gay way. maybe. gay is always fun but it could be in a

[kilopascals]

okay i’ll just say it. i think in-ho killed jung-bae and not gi-hun because in-ho was BOTHERED gi-hun didn’t pick him to be his partner on a death mission (going to the control room)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

it's not about that you "have" to get to exercise your autonomy. b/c like, yes you do, but not in the way that "if i don't get to do that Now i will explode & evaporate (& die)" which is what people keep leveraging to be like "so you don't have any valid argument for getting to act out your own choices"

therein is another issue of "why do you need a 'valid argument' to get Exceptions as ruled by this person to exist autonomously, unpunished" like why's this person an authority who gets to punish you. nonrhetorically, why do you have to appeal to their maybe possibly deciding to Let you be a person. should you "have" to.

and if you don't get that Permission that you supposedly "have" to get, you also will not immediately explode and die if you do that unpermitted thing, but shocking how "you don't Haaaave to" is only invoked re: things you want to do for yourself, and not what they want you to do for them....because it's Not Really About "Literally literally Haaaaving to"

the alignment between people getting on one for years about asexuality, and while doing so maxing out the saturation on their bullshit on any & everything, b/c you're just getting into anti autonomy, so ofc you're also just stoking & expressing "arguments" against autonomy that are deployed in plenty of other contexts, including against other queer identities....and that particular resonance with biphobia & transphobia, and how either groups are theoretically thwarting the Truest Gays because how will we have a valid argument against the truest cishets agenda if we can't convince them we haaaaaave to be like this instead of that no, we won't explode & die if we have to be repressed or at least closeted another day, and another, and you won't explode after another, either, etc. rather than thee point of "asexuality autonomy = queer autonomy = Your queer autonomy = Anyone's Autonomy" and "why do we 'have' to Convince anyone to go 'oh alriiiight' abt one's choices about how they express their identity, what decisions they make about having sex"....it's about anyone having the power to preclude & restrict others' autonomy & constrain their existence between one kind of more imminent, immediate harm/death & a more drawn out one where you exist as a resource for others' use but at least you aren't Literally dead today. so what if someone's saying "well i don't think your gender/sexuality stuff is Real" so long as they can't get in the way of other people living that out anyways. so what if someone's supposedly like "well, but everyone could be bi" (which they don't. just like ppl were never 'pretending' to be asexual to nefariously stand around in the queer space that never rigorously vetted everyone anyways? Making Up A Guy To Get Mad At) to supposedly argue that if all of you are bi you can just restrict yourself to the Cishet Appearing manifestations (which they don't) where what's that even matter if this [guy to get mad at] can't make that anyone else's problem? if he can, why can he. should he be able to. that's the problem, not "have we all tried the constant biphobia wherein they're always thwarting & sabotaging the rest of us?? like how trans people are keeping us from being legitimate?? with the opportunity for some trans people to also try declaring other noncis people Not Legitimately Trans?? well the cishet agenda loves asexuals, actually, they want everyone to never have sex ever (they don't want that, and that's not what being asexual is)"

using the "you can't Know through Direct Perception or extrasensory phenomena what someone else's Thoughts And Feelings are" both ways; wherein their assertion of their intentions, true or not, gets to be treated as an assertion of Reality, meanwhile b/c Your intentions/thoughts/feelings can't be directly observed, you're just lying or exaggerating or misremembering or failing to Express yourself correctly b/c they would've surely interpreted it correctly otherwise, or [anything else] re: your inner experiences that you can't "prove" are one way or another, so this other person gets to always decide for themself what they must be (why?) and if they just so happen to decide they Must be in alignment with what they want (good) or unacceptably, evilly, incorrectly Against Them, they also get to flex their control over the entire situation via their Authority / control over resources / the person's lack of other options b/c of isolation & that, say, breaking away from a family, job, marriage or just deemed correctly romantic relationship, is punished by the larger system of How Things Are, through a lack of resources that makes you more vulnerable in general as well as vulnerable to further punishment in how you might try to respond to that situation, through the general stance that maintaining cohesion of a Unit like the nuclear family, the "romantic" "man"/"woman" couple, is good, so breaking from it is deviant........anyways it's like. if you're like "well i'm having sex b/c i want to" and someone is like "well i say YOURE LYING" like, what? "isn't there someone you forgot to ask" shit. why should that get to affect things. whether you're like "oh no. what if they could say 'you're lying...b/c how do i knowwww you're not BI. where you could want to have sex with someone BESIDES this one person rn?? or ACE??? if you Don't have sex rn and you Don't explode and die 5 min later we will Know you Could Be Asexual" like, this isn't how it works anyways obviously but theoretically if it did: we would not be like "oh sorry guess that's what matters" unless what mattered was some people's being lower on a hierarchy and at the quite literal disposal of those with more power than them. what would the crisis be of someone going "well i think. every gay person? is bi" or someone going "you've just told me your name is gloria but i think your name is actually tetris...." or "i'm so embarrassed i wish everyone but me was dead" if none of these things can hinder the existence of people having sex w/autonomy for all involved or people getting to tell you their name or all other people being alive

the banger quote on my imdb page was saying "no, i don't 'Have' to, but i'm going to" to an authoritarian in my life, concluding several minutes' "negotiation" of [i 'have' to hang up on this call now b/c the movie i'm standing in this movie theater to see is about to start. no i won't explode and die if i don't. i also won't explode and die if i don't keep "talking" to you (being Talked At / lectured & upbraided from afar)] funny how that works. i also Know this was a checkmate b/c that person gave up on responding (or, technically, switched to The Silent Treatment, which worked even worse via phone than in person) and i did hang up rather than miss the movie i showed up for and then they had to resort to Other Methods: telling someone willing to take on the enabling cop mode that i had Essentially said Go Fuck Yourself. like well that's right, and the fact that it's a "go fuck yourself" to get to say "i am going to end the call b/c i choose to do something else" and then actually do so is a real testament to this relationship. and if one had said "i can't keep talking, i have to go" and someone's like "sldfj you mean thou MAY not keep talking" teehee i don't know, CAN you have the peas????? it's like this obviously doesn't matter. i can choose to do shit and choose to not do shit without exploding and dying right this very second, except for taking 5 sec to eat a deadly bomb with a timer set for 5 sec. This Is Not The Point. why is autonomy off-limits to Anyone.

[drchucktingle]

this was a comment on one of my post from a recent live event. it was photos of joyful queer buckaroos celebrating together and proving love is real through creation, community, and a trot of love. most important I AM LITERALLY IN PHOTO AS A REAL FLESH AND BLOOD HUMAN

it got me thinking about how DEEP AND VICIOUS the irony poisoning of these early internet communities goes. the way buds like this cannot fathom someone just being a sincere person unrelated to their OWN old days of cynical posting. it is fascinating, and i will admit, sad too

despite a DECADE of work, countless live events, 350 tinglers written well before large language models were a thing, there are still people who cannot imagine someone like me could exist. it is a strange place to be. not just part of me, but my entire EXISTENCE is often gatekept

it is easy to say ‘well chuck your art IS strange’ but honestly i think it is more than that. magical realism is common. there are stories about dinosaurs and bigfeet and unicorns. this scoundrel reaction is about two unspoken things: my art is neurodivergent, and my art is queer

heres the thing: I WILL BE FINE. what concerns me is not an issue of MYSELF, it is a concern for the other young outsider buckaroos who see comments like this one and think ‘is that what they will say if i express MY unique way? will i be dehumanized like this at every turn?'

i will be honest, i cannot say that WONT happen, but i CAN say this: for as deep as this irony poisoning goes, it is slowly dying. the way i was treated at the start of my career is LIGHTYEARS DIFFERENT from the way i am treated now. there is a massive shift towards sincerity

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY. to young artists trotting up, the things that i am harassed over and doubted for and made fun of for are NOT tangental to what has made me successful, THEY ARE LITERALLY THE SAME THINGS THAT HAVE MADE ME SUCCESSFUL. YES I AM STRANGE, WHAT OF IT?

the things that you tuck away for fear of a review that says ‘there is a PROBLEM with this art because it has always been done another way’ THOSE ARE YOUR SUPERPOWERS. the gatekeepers want you to tuck those parts of yourself away because THEY TUCKED AWAY THOSE PART OF THEMSELVES

never forget that your unique way is PURE UNFILTERED 100 PERCENT ROCKET FUEL. it will stick out (maybe, if you are lucky, scoundrels will even say that someone like you could never actually be real), but sticking out isnt so bad when you are waving the flag of love.

in fact, when youre waving the flag of love, sticking out is pretty dang cool. what are flags for, after all? LOVE IS REAL BUCKAROOS. thank you for reading, and if you enjoyed this long post then please consider preordering BURY YOUR GAYS.

LETS TROT

[simpjaes]

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ― S.JY

What should have never been an option became a routine over the years. This year is different though. It’s time to face what’s been done and put an end to it for good…except your step-brother Jake isn’t ready to face it, and your little boyfriend isn’t going to stand in the way of getting what he wants either.  or the one where you made a bad decision in fooling around with your step-brother during your early college days and he refuses to let you put an end to it. 

leave feedback and reblog to support me please! 

minors do not interact. 

WORDCOUNT― 8.9k

PAIRING― step-brother jake sim x afab reader (ft. boyfriend sunghoon)

WARNINGS ― step cest, dub-con/non-con, blackmail, nonconsensual phone sex 

NOTE― MIND. THE. WARNINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO, shoutout to anon for giving me this idea.reminder that this is not a representation of me or the idols as real life people. anyway, not proof read.

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags― non con/dub con, normal size dick jake and mentions of bigger dick sunghoon, implications from jake that sunghoon is actually gay for him, camera use, fisting, degradation, manipulation, phone sex-ish, choking, suffocation, cum stuffing, cream pie, unprotected sex, forced blowjob, crying, break-up implications

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“You’re being ridiculous.” Jake scoffs, leaning against your bedroom dresser with his arms crossed. “We did it last summer, why is this year any different? We always do it.” 

You roll your eyes at him in an attempt to hide the guilt you feel, holding the blanket tightly to your chest in case he tries to pull them off of you again. Jake knows damn well why. Not only should it not have happened last year, or the year before that, or the year before that, but to actively and truly believe it’s something that can continue is something only a mad man would think. 

Not to mention, you have a boyfriend now. A real boyfriend, one who matters in your life.

“Sunghoon have anything to do with this?” He questions you now, reaching for the blanket and tugging. “Come on, playing around isn’t gonna hurt anything. It’s not like anyone is going to know anyway–” 

You huff, yanking your blanket up a bit to pull it from his grasp again. You get why he’s asking and why he’s confused because, well, last summer you were all over the idea like usual. You knew he would expect the same this summer, but honestly, it has to stop. Things have changed. Things needed to change. 

“Jake, we can’t be doing that stuff anymore.” You say as if it’s fine, a bite to your voice that hits him right in the gut. 

In all honesty though, you really do feel guilty. Like you’ve led him on all these years with his sweet, borderline boyfriendly words. You lived in the fantasy with him for a while, like it could work out despite the family ties. There’s a reality though, one that you found yourself living in upon meeting Sunghoon, and there’s a fantasy that you need to pull Jake out of. You feel awful, especially knowing there’s a part of you that would if you could. But…you can’t, nor can he.

Never again. 

Jake feels singled out at this moment. Like he’s the weird one for even asking when you were the one who came onto him when it happened the very first time. All those talks of “we aren’t blood related, it’s not that bad.” and “If our parents divorce, maybe someday we can go on a date or something–” Do they mean nothing now? You’re going to blame him for expecting it?

“Why the fuck not?” He narrows his eyes at you. “Gonna act like you weren’t the one who tried to fuck me at Jay’s party last summer? Acting all high and mighty now, like suddenly it’s so wrong?” 

You look away from him, feeling worse because he’s right. Given, the guilt should have hit you after the first time, but it didn’t. You had your fun pushing boundaries but now that graduation is coming up it’s like..it doesn’t feel right. Did he really just expect the two of you to keep fucking well into adulthood?  Did he expect you to get married to someone else and still get on your knees during family Christmas parties? 

Did he expect to be the one marrying you?

“We have to grow up.” You finally say, shifting your eyes back to him. “This is starting to feel really—gross.” 

“Hey–” He looks at you now, almost pleading. “It’s not gross, we aren’t gross.” He takes two steps towards the bed in a fit of desperation, leaning with his hands now palm-down on your mattress. But…when he tries to follow up on his words, he knows you’re serious.

Realistically, despite having been your step-brother since the beginning of high-school…actively choosing to fuck each other as soon as college started was maybe not the best idea. Hormones were high, the freedom to fuck was blatant, and well…it’s not his fault you’d walk around in all those slutty little pajama shorts and try to jump his bones every time you found yourself alone with him. If anything, you’re the one who pulled him into this. He really did think it was gross at first, but thinking with his dick outweighed that, and then his heart decided to play a part in all of it too. 

He really does think there could be something here if the two of you worked for it. After all, you’re entirely his type, despite marriage ruining it. The breaking of morals eventually became the best part for him, having what his father wishes he could have solely because you’re just a younger, hotter, version of your own mother.

You even said it yourself all that time ago when it first happened. “It’s ok jakey, you’re a guy. guys have needs.” 

Well, what about his needs now?! He was so happy to be able to come home and see you again. He misses you  so much when you’re both away at your respective colleges, and he thinks about you all the time. He should have known that something was changing all those months ago when you stopped texting him back as much as you usually would. Now what? He just has to accept that you’re done?

“You’re seriously not going to give it up?” He pushes his hands under the bottom of your blankets, quickly running his fingers up your legs just to try and encourage a giggle, or a smile from you.

That’s when he notes how you haven’t even shaved your legs. Which, it’s not like he gives two fucks on whether you do or not but like…you always shave. Your skin was always so smooth, plump, soft, and moisturized when you knew you’d be wanting to play around with him. And clearly, you don’t expect to be getting fucked this summer.

Ah, he’s starting to resent you.

“Does that boyfriend of yours know about us?” He finally says, standing tall at the end of your bed and looming much darker than his usual, bright persona. 

You stare at him, eyes widening. 

“Excuse me?” You furrow your brows. “Jake, what the fuck are you sayi–”

Before you can even finish or get a response from him, he’s leaving your bedroom and slamming the door behind him. 

Already you know this is going to be a long fucking summer. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Jake knew you were a smart girl. You always believe everything he says, but never once has he used that against you until now. That little mention of Sunghoon seems to have made you panic, and he can’t help but find it endearing that you took his threat so easily. Each time he comes home now, from hanging out with your boyfriend, you’re always sitting on the couch like a cute little puppy greeting him with a wagging tail.

If at all, he knows you’re doing it to try and butter him up. To distract him from what you’re taking away from him. Dangling yourself like nothing has changed but denying him time and time again of it. You’re nice, but never this nice. Offering to hang out, watch movies, go out. You’re promising just about everything to him except for the one thing he needs from you. 

He’s thankful though, with all circumstances considered, that the good ol’ parents don’t notice a shift in how you’re acting solely because the two of you have always been close. Even before the sex stuff. You were his best friend. He protected you from highschool bullies, potential assholes trying to steal your first kiss, virginity, and even the first experience of sneaking out. 

Back then, it’s not like Jake ever wanted to be your first kiss, the one to take said virginity, or sneak you out to parties you shouldn’t be at. Truly, he just wanted to protect you. It wasn’t until the two of you were away from each other for the first time as freshmans in college that he felt some type of way towards you. Which, again, was entirely your fault.

Ah, he still remembers that first summer back home walking into the house and being smacked in the face with a sensual, fruity scent radiating off of you. After not seeing you for three and a half months, he was entirely shocked at how much you had changed. You looked…confident in yourself. Like you’d been growing internally and learning what you want in life. He found it very attractive of you, believing that once you get a boyfriend, they’d be very lucky to have you in their life. 

Then of course, you’d bend over in those shorts and look back at him smirking. Like you only saw him as a man now, and not your protective step brother. You’d whine to him about ruined hook-ups, about the frat parties, about all the guys trying to touch you and wishing he was there to keep them off of you. All while…doing that. All while waltzing around like you’d invite him to do the same. 

And you did invite him. That first night has been burned into his memory. The fear, the guilt, the disgust, the love he felt for you. So quiet in his bedroom, giggling to each other with all the lights off in the silence of his room, trying to pretend it was only a one-time thing to satiate a specific need. There was nothing kinky, nothing weird outside of the dynamic of who you were supposed to be to each other.

It kept happening after that, and each time the guilt would wash away with the sweat that always dripped onto you from his temple. You could even say it was shy at first, both of you were very generous to each other. It only started getting dirty as the summers at home continued. 

And now…nothing? After all of that, nothing?! 

If you think you can change so drastically over a single semester, so be it. Jake can change too, and he already has. Both of you now, entirely different compared to that first summer together. You, all jittery and freaked out, him, with all the power. 

You though, truly you’re fucking panicking. If your boyfriend found out about all of this, he’d think you’re a freak. Or a slut. Or a piece of trash. Maybe all three of those things and then some. And you know, you’d think Jake is bluffing…really. Except you got a text from Sunghoon the same night Jake tried to get in your pants. You remember reading those words, the pit in your stomach digging deep. “Your bro is gonna come hang out with me for a bit, you’re coming too right?”

Nevermind the fact that Sunghoon lives an hour away from your hometown, where the two of you get to meet in the middle during active semesters on campus. What about the fact that Jake barely fucking knows him?! Through mutual friends (Jay and Heeseung) all three of you were aware of each other, but you’re the one who got the closest to Sunghoon. 

You’re his girlfriend now. Which, apparently demoted Jake from popular-porn-trope to actual step-brother. 

And that pisses him off. 

So, is it weird for Sunghoon to get a sudden hang out text from a guy he assumed is just wanting to get to know him? No. After all, he knows Jake is your “brother.” What he doesn’t and hopefully will never know is that you’ve fucked said step-brother.

 Is it weird that you don’t go with Jake to see your own boyfriend? Yes. Unfortunately, Jake basically demanded you “stay in your fucking place. if you wanna get fucked so bad, I’ll be home after.” 

Even Sunghoon doesn’t find it weird and texts you everyday as usual. It sucks actually, that he’s so willing to let you do as you please and trusts you to an extent that he doesn’t even ask why you don’t come with Jake. Instead, he’s too busy saying you should definitely join next time, that Jake is super cool and seems to like him a lot. 

The good news: Sunghoon offers no mention of knowing, so…it seems you really do have to stay at home. Empty. Wanting to be next to Sunghoon so bad but forced to deal with any oncoming feelings alone. 

Since when was Jake even capable of being so awful? Since when did he hate you so much?

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Jake–please.” You beg quietly, shaking his arm gently in the soft light of the morning. Everyone is sound asleep, which must be fucking nice.

It’s been two weeks now of such loneliness, such lack of sleep, such intense need to just let yourself spiral and drown in anxiety. Jake is barely talking to you now, only giving you sarcastic and evil little smiles from time to time. As if to remind you of what’s at risk. Sunghoon is normal, too normal. So normal, in fact, that he tried to jerk off on facetime last night for you and you ended up crying and apologizing because you couldn’t even get turned on. 

Even if Jake hasn’t told him anything, your relationship is already starting to fall apart because of him. He fucking knows it too. 

“Please,”

“Please, what?” Your step-brother's sleepy voice croaks out, turning himself on the bed towards you with a single half opened eye. 

“I’m losing sleep, please stop doing this to me.”

“No.” He says now, closing his eyes again and turning away from you, nuzzling against his pillow without a care in the world. 

“Please.” 

“Fuck off–” He complains, throwing his arm behind himself to shove you away and surprised to find that you’ve crawled up on the bed with him.

Just like that night so long ago, the first time the two of you broke past any boundaries. 

“I’ll do anything.” You nearly cry, so sleepy, so anxiety ridden, so out of your mind at this point that you genuinely would do anything to feel normal again. 

“Anything?” 

You feel slight relief in his interest, nodding your head aggressively with a broken voice. “Yes! I promise. I swear, anything you want. Please, just–”

“Then get the fuck out of my room.” 

You know better than to disobey at this point. All you can do is sulk back to your room and hope that sleep overtakes you this time. If anything, maybe he will consider your plea in the morning.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It’s surprising, honestly. Jake didn’t even know he was into seeing you suffer like this, let alone having power over you. He spent so much time protecting you that he never realized how attractive it is to see you fear him. The joy that runs through him now, the orgasms he gets out of it, fuck. Who cares if it’s his own hand doing the work right now? With the thoughts of you doing “anything” like you said, being disgusting, begging, pleading, crying. He might be a little insane for you now, if he wasn’t already. 

And still even today, you look so desperate for any amount of relief. Jake finds joy in the fact that you can’t even go to your boyfriend about it. 

He’s never felt so powerful, truly. Especially now, watching you try to seduce him as if you didn’t deny him of it before. The slutty shorts are back. You’re not wearing bras anymore. You’ll leave the bathroom stark fucking naked if it happens to just be you and him at home.

Ah, heaven on earth. Honestly, his days are so fun now. Save for when he has to hang out with that fucking idiot of a man Sunghoon. What a loser, honestly. Openly sharing all the stuff you’ve done in bed with him like Jake isn’t your step-brother? If anyone is weird, it’s Sunghoon. Hell, Jake isn’t even sure now if the dude would care if he found out that you’ve ridden some related-by-marriage cock before. 

He hates hanging out with him. Always having to hold back the scoffs when Sunghoon is drunkenly slurring out more sex acts you’ve performed on him followed by a love confession and a whine of how much he misses you. As if you didn’t do all of that for Jake first. Ugh, he genuinely can’t believe that you’re even with Sunghoon at all. 

After a little while longer though, with the great days and the annoying hang outs, a nice month into summer vacation– Jake’s been ready to take what he needs. You’ve been begging for it, after all. He loves looking and seeing you so desperate for him to stop the mind games but goddamn it’s getting hard to think straight himself by now.

Thankfully, he’s thinking clearly enough whether it’s through his cock rather than his brain to come up with how he’ll go about it. He waits a little more, cock throbbing in his pants due to not allowing himself to get off in the past two days in preparation for this. 

Every night when everyone goes to bed, you call Sunghoon. And every night, Jake has listened. Tonight though? Sunghoon will be the one listening.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Like clockwork, the parents have gone to bed and Jake hears the hushed muttering just a room over. He’s already standing to his feet, shooting a hand directly to his bulge to adjust it with a silent groan in his throat. Before he can even leave his room he’s rolling his eyes back with another grope of his sensitive cock, almost unable to stop touching himself after denying himself of it. He’s practically drooling at the image of having you all to himself again. The anticipation he feels inside right now is insane. He feels his skin prickle and his eyes are barely able to focus on his own bedroom door out of sheer arousal of what he’s about to do to you.

He composes himself shortly after, as best he can anyway, tiptoeing to your room and chuckling at the way your eyes light up when you see him. He’s ignored you for too long. Not a single response to anything you’ve said to him, hell, he even stopped letting you see him look at you. 

Of course your eyes light up, it means he’s going to stop. It means he’s going to tell you what he wants. 

And you’re happy, even with Sunghoon on the line sweet talking to you about his day like usual. 

“Hoonie, can I call you back?” You ask quickly into the phone, only to see Jake take a seat next to you on your bed and shake his head at you. 

You tilt your head in question, feeling your heart thump in your ears to the point you barely even hear Sunghoon at all. 

“Keep talking to him.” He whispers to you now, nearly just mouthing it. 

You never knew you were so good at reading lips, but you listen to him. Furrowing your brows in question and adjusting your phone against your ear.

“Nevermind, we’re good.” You say in a voice too calm for Jake’s liking. 

And it’s like that for a few minutes as Jake lets you get into the groove of conversing with your boyfriend again before he makes a move. The move he makes? Leaning against you, pressing you back against your pillows, and licking your neck.

He smiles against your skin when he feels it prickle and lets out a whispered chuckle at how much he’s missed the taste of your skin. So warm, so soft. The fact that you’re letting him tells him all he needs to know, despite the way your shoulders stiffen, he knows you’re going to give him anything.

“Gonna let me fuck it again, yeah?” Jake whispers as he moves up against your ear, pinning your arms to your chest, forcing your phone closer to his mouth compared to yours. “Gonna let him hear it too.”

Ah, there she is. You, in all your glory, are already tearing up at the very idea of it. 

“Jake, no.” You say, holding your hand over the speaker and body language trying to twist away from him. 

“You said anything.” Jake corrects you quietly, slapping your hand off of the speaker and quickly thrusting his own hand between your legs.

He chooses not to be gentle with you this time. He’s not going to be what you’re used to, not after that shit you tried to pull with him. His finger pushes in dry, and he smiles at the way you hold your breath and try to squeeze your legs shut to stop him. Sunghoon on the other end is muffled, but still heard by both of you. 

You stay silent throughout his ministrations, pissing him off further, only making him move his hand faster, forcing a reaction, daring you to stop him. 

“Phone.” Jake instructs, loosening his other grip on your hands as a means to let you raise the phone back up to your ear. “Talk.”

You stare at him, feeling the burning between your legs of where your body has yet to do anything more than tighten around his fingers. Still, they drag painfully due to your body feeling no pleasure in this. In fact, you’re afraid. 

You’re afraid Sunghoon will find out, afraid of Jake, afraid of showing that you like what he’s doing, afraid of realizing you’ll always like this, afraid of losing either of them solely because you can only love, fuck, and be with one of them.

And it’s obvious who the one has to be because…the other isn’t possible. It’s just not. 

So, you try. You try to talk, try to relax, try to do everything Jake asks of you solely to prolong the situation enough to where you can find a way to put a proper, healthy end to it. 

“I’m sorry, what was that?” You finally croak into the phone, having not heard a single word from Sunghoon this entire time and trying not to focus on that same drag Jake only pushes harder into you with that terrifying smirk. 

“I asked if that was Jake I just heard–” Sunghoon responded as brightly as always, bless him. 

“Speaker.” Jake mouths to you, and of course you listen. Reluctantly, but you still do it, shaking fingers hitting the speaker-phone button so Jake can hear what’s being said.

“What are you guys doing? Let me hear what?” Sunghoon continues. 

Jake flashes a full grin at you and wiggles his eyebrows before he’s pulling his fingers out, sucking them into his mouth, then moving back down with three before shoving them back in with even more force. 

“Yeah– Tell him.” Jake says as casually as ever. “Go on, let him in on the secret we’ve been keeping from him.” 

Sunghoon hears Jake all too well, but doesn’t question that it’s anything weird. If at all, he wonders if maybe you two have been planning something behind his back considering you never come over when Jake does. Which is actually weird, but he tried not to question it. He and you are practically attached at the hip during the semesters, so, this would make sense. 

Of course there is a secret surprise for him! 

“I–” You yelp both out of pain and unintentional pleasure, cutting yourself off in a gasp. 

You can feel the pit in your stomach dig deeper and deeper, arousing you when it’s the last thing you could ever want at this moment. You know Jake feels it though, with the slide of his fingers becoming easier, and that permanent smile on his face. 

Sunghoon feels so far away right now…Like, who are you kidding? He can’t get you out of this and you doubt he’d even want to if you were to ever even consider explaining it to him. 

“I–I miss you a lot.” You try to come up with words, missing him being all that you can muster up right now. 

Unfortunately, Jake’s scary smile is less terrifying compared to his face now, where he narrows his eyes and glares straight through you for saying such a thing in front of him. He’s trying to crowd four fingers into you now, making you squirm and squeeze your legs together again. He is quick to disallow you though, forcing one of your legs open with his shoulder and spitting directly on your stretched and pulsing hole. 

“I miss you too baby–” Sunghoon says in a slightly confused voice. “What else?”

You pause, taking a moment to feel Jake between your legs and how much it…god, it feels so good. But– you’re unsure of how to balance speaking with Sunghoon and dealing with Jake right now. If you have to deal with them both at the same time…this isn’t what you’d prefer. 

“I wish you were here right now.” 

Sunghoon smiles on his end, assuming Jake has now left your room due to the silence and lack of hearing him now. 

“Is Jake still around?” He mutters to you through the speaker, because based on your tone of voice, he knows what mood you’re in.

Jake shakes his head at you, encouraging that you lie before focusing back on watching the hole he’s missed so much. The one Sunghoon’s probably played with before, that fucking loser. 

“Nope–J–Just me!” You find yourself forcing a smile as you say it, just to hope your voice comes out in a way that sounds brighter than it feels. 

“You wish I was there?” Sunghoon says now, his own voice growing deeper. “Why’s that?” He spreads his legs out wide against his bed, assuming it’s about to be a regular session of facetime fucking. 

“Mhm,” You accidentally moan, a bit too obvious. “Just feel safe with you when I’m feeling like this.”

Jake rolls his eyes, slowly forcing his thumb in beside the rest of his fingers, growing more angry, more aroused, and more insatiable towards you. 

“How are you feeling right now baby?” 

“Empty.” 

“Wish you were full of something?” Sunghoon smiles, a cheeky voice calling out to you. “Of me?”

You groan at that moment, all of Jake’s fingers stretch you open until you feel knuckles trying to force past the boundary. Your hands shake at the feeling as your eyes cross momentarily, tears prickle from the pain but it feels so…good. And only a moment goes by before you, quite literally, kick Jake away. 

The sudden emptiness you get from that feels so much better, but Jake is too quick to get back up. Fire in his dark eyes as he grabs you by the ankles and pulls you roughly down the bed. There is a small sound that escapes your lips at the action, almost a giggle. You’re quick to tighten your lips though, trying to will your body to stop liking the way Jake is being with you right now. You don’t want this, you don’t like it. You never should have in the first place, and to be honest, you’re trying to force yourself to believe you’re making the right choice in continuing to deny him of this.

It’s only natural that your body wants it, just like it was natural to kick him off of you from the pain, right? And then, Jake reminds you of just how much you regret denying him the first night back home, because he's leaning over you so fast, hugging your waist and forcing all five fingers back into you. 

You kick, squirm, whine, and ultimately shout out a “No, no, no!” despite your hips chasing up to let him, almost to invite him. And–oh, fuck. You forgot Sunghoon can hear all of this. 

“Baby?” Sunghoon’s voice rings back in your ears. “Are you okay? You’re already touching yourself? Why do you sound so–” 

Jake’s own ears are ringing watching your body fight your brain. You still want him. He can tell by the way you look at him with those tear-filled eyes, with the way your pussy is dripping for this, the way your hips beg him to keep abusing you. Who is he to deny you? He has never denied you pleasure. So, he tries to force more, more, more into you. There’s a boundary here, your pussy clenched so tight around his fingers already, but you want him to keep pushing until he breaks the boundary. You want to feel the pain of it and…finally, he does get it in. His entire hand being gripped so tightly that even he seethes out a pained moan for you.

“Fuck–” He holds his fist in place, removing himself from your waist to look at you. “You really took it all.”

There’s tears in your eyes by this point and you can’t tell if it’s from realizing how much you need Jake, or the fact that Sunghoon definitely knows something is up. No words are coming out though, you’re more afraid to speak what you feel than you are of Jake right now.

“Jake?” Sunghoon questions, confused. 

“Yeah, what’s up?” Jake responds with a smile instantly, staring right at you as he begins to fuck a size far too big into you, watching you bite your tongue to keep from showing him how much you love it. 

“Wait–” Sunghoon continues with a pause. “What’s going on?” 

“I couldn’t help myself.” Jake smiles at you, wiggling his eyebrows again. “After all those things you told me about her, I guess I needed to see for myself.” 

And then, you moan. That searing pain inside of you somehow subsides, shaking legs and hands are gripping onto Jake in his entirety now, you’re practically drooling for it.

“I guess you were right.” Jake continues. “She really can take a lot, huh? Bet your dick didn’t feel this good for her though.”

You’re truly unable to comprehend most of what’s happening right now, even the phone vibrating in your hand as Sunghoon goes silent and instead, hangs up before instantly facetiming you. You’re so hyper-fixated on the feeling of knuckles dragging against your tightly clenched walls, choking back every sound or word you want to scream out. 

Jake watches as you cry a bit harder now, probably a bit too overwhelmed with the situation. Like the good step-brother he is though, He’ll take care of it for you, of course he will. 

“What’s the hold up?” Jake laughs, halting his hand as he reaches for the phone and instantly answers it. He stares down as you continue to fuck yourself on it, smiling at your brief whine before he speaks into the receiver with a confident voice. “Cat’s outta the bag.”

Sunghoon is there on the screen, witnessing the way Jake angles the phone more at himself and your hole than your face. His entire fist has disappeared inside of you, glistening with a sticky mess that spills out of you. 

Nothing else is said as Sunghoon stares at it. Jake being a cocky bastard and sticking his tongue out like some idiot frat boy, and then? He hears you.

“Jake, stop!” You cry out. 

He doesn’t stop, in fact, he fucks his fist into you quickly making damn sure Sunghoon can not only see how your wet spurts out around his wrist, but hear it too. 

“Stop what? Showing your boyfriend what you really want?” 

“Hang up the phone!” You cry out again, showing Sunghoon that perhaps…you don’t miss him at all.

Jake isn’t doing anything you don’t want. You just don’t want your boyfriend to witness you be so honest with yourself. 

“Awh,” Jake pouts now, angling the phone back at himself and feeling proud of the way Sunghoon appears to be entirely shocked, mouth hung open, eyebrows furrowed. “But he needed to know, baby, didn’t he?” He adds now, lying the phone down briefly to pull his cock out. 

“Come on now, don’t be shy.” Jake continues with his confidence, picking the phone back up and angling it towards you. 

He intentionally drags his fist in and out of you a few more times before gently pulling it out, moaning at the way it sounds, obsessing over it really. Sunghoon watches in horror at the way you squeeze your eyes shut, sadly wondering what Jake must be doing off screen for you to look so fucking guilty. The horror only grows when he has to watch Jake’s cock come on screen, pussy soaked hand jerking himself off before shoving the head right against your lips.

God, you know Sunghoon hates you now. 

Jake knows it too, and doesn’t care as he uses that same soaked hand and pries your lips apart before pushing it into your mouth. He thrusts forward too quick for you to take a breath, and you feel the leaking tip hit the back of your throat in a way that makes you choke and gag around him. 

Your eyes shoot open, looking up at him and barely able to comprehend the camera just inches from your face. 

Sunghoon has seen you look up at him like this too. Why aren’t you fighting Jake though? Why are you willingly gagging, choking, and drooling all over yourself with such a forceful fuck to your face? You always pull off of him when he tries to thrust even a little bit…but you’re..

“I–” Sunghoon goes to say, still staring at you and the way you’re shamefully getting your mouth fucked open. “That is fucking disgusting.” He finally lets out, but he can’t look away. He doesn’t want to see this but…he can’t bring himself to hang up. 

“Yeah, that’s what she thinks too.” Jake chuckles with a heaved breath, enjoying himself, now angling the phone at his face. “I think she likes it though– wouldn’t you agree?”

There goes the camera again, pointing right at your choking mouth. Jake pushes all the way in too, letting your nose rest against his pelvis and moaning loudly for Sunghoon to hear.

“Shit, see? She’s not even fighting it.”

Sunghoon can’t tell only because Jake doesn’t let him. You’re gripping Jake’s hips and trying to push him out of your mouth, but he stays in place, enjoying the way your choking and suffocating throat jerks him off better than his own hand ever could. 

The best part? He knows you’re only pushing him away to breathe because you weren’t fighting at all at first. In fact, he felt you silently hum against him like you want his cock so bad. So, he’s not actually lying. He just thinks it’s polite to not let Sunghoon know how you’re suffocating right now. 

Oh well. 

Only after your eyes start to fog over and roll back does Jake pull out, relishing in that wet gasp you lend. He looks down at the phone now, wanting to make sure Sunghoon witnessed all of that before realizing he fucking hung up.

Who the fuck hangs up on imagery like that? Fucking idiot, is what Sunghoon is. 

To be fair though, Sunghoon hung up shortly before Jake pulled out. He had to force himself to do it, because he didn’t quite enjoy the way his cock jumped at the image of his girlfriend letting her step-brother fuck her mouth like that. He’s entirely blindsided. Like, not only are you cheating on him, but he had to see it like that?! In 4k?! God, his stomach would be in knots to catch you like this with anyone, but the fact that it’s with…Jake. Of all people.

You’re fucking your own brother. 

None of that matters to Jake though, nor does it matter to you at this moment as the tears continue to pour from your eyes knowing that Jake did this on purpose and for a reason. It’s insane how kind he is to you now that Sunghoon isn’t watching, actually. Lending you a deep, meaningful kiss before sinking back down the bed and resuming his previous position. 

“You liked this.” He comments, seeing if his hand will still fit, and moaning when it does. “You’re so fucking wet it’s insane.”

God, you know he’s punishing you yet you can’t bring yourself to be mad about it because already you can feel the bubbles in your stomach threaten an orgasm. Proving to both Jake and yourself that…you do like it. Never have you even imagined wanting a whole goddamn fist in you before now but–you more than like it. You love it. 

In fact, feeling his hand dragging in and out of you now makes you forget about the way you nearly just died with a cock in your throat. You’re already moaning again, actually. 

And fuck, you promised you’d do anything to keep this a secret, and while doing that anything for him, no matter how willing, he still fucking told. He fucking showed the dirty acts to the last person on earth you’d ever want to see, hear, or know. The crying is a given, from both the anxiety, the fear, and the pleasure because you can’t stop the oncoming orgasm or the love you have for the man giving it to you either. 

The way he holds you through it should disgust you, with his fist buried so deep your orgasm comes in long, drawn out and painful waves. He grips onto you though, whispering more to himself against your thigh than to you, “I’ve got you. I’ll always have you, it’s okay.” 

You don’t want to melt for him, but you do. Even through your ringing ears it’s like your body instinctively hears his whispers when you shouldn’t. The words bring comfort, reminding you that he’ll still protect you even from Sunghoon and what he feels about this situation. Even from your parents, from outsiders, from everything. 

The orgasm feels like it bruises your brain, a throbbing headache coming shortly after when Jake takes on a more gentle persona and pulls his hand from you. He inspects your open cunt for a moment, seeing how wet it is inside for him before it pulses closed and he averts his gaze to his hand. 

Glistening, so wet. You needed that, he thinks. The reminder that he’s the only one who can love you in more ways than you truly need. 

“You did so well.” He compliments, crawling up and over you to wipe those tears with the same hand. 

You don’t move away, if anything you need this comfort now more than anything because you simply don’t know what to feel, or think, or admit right now. You think Jake already knows, he wouldn’t need you to say it simply because he’s always read you like a book. 

“No more pretending you don’t want this.” He says now, in a darker voice. “Even with Sunghoon listening, you moaned my name. I don’t think you remember doing that, do you?”

You cry more, closing your eyes tightly and pretending like Jake’s hand is Sunghoon’s. You really liked Sunghoon, genuinely thought you could have a future with him. Even so, pretending that Jake is him doesn’t bring safety because you almost would prefer it be Jake. A hand you’re so familiar with. 

He had been so awful to you recently, and only now do you realize that…maybe it really was for your own good.

“You don’t need him.” Jake says now, adjusting himself between your legs.“Not when you have me. You know I’ll take care of you.” He continues, slipping his cock deep into your already loosened hole. 

He’s shocked that you still manage to be tight after all of that, but he guesses that’s just how pussies work. Or how yours works, anyway. He knows it more than he knows his own cock at this point, which is insane. 

Feeling him inside of you, so familiar, slightly smaller than Sunghoon– it’s…comforting. The tears that spill from you now are more for missing him than anything. You can’t help it when you wrap your legs around him or throw your arms around his shoulders, shivering and clinging to him like he’s your last line of sanity despite everything about this being entirely insane. 

“Jake–” You moan at how he fucks you, so much softer than with his hand but…normal. Like the first time you ever did this with him. “I really want you but,”

Jake pauses, feeling that same pit in his stomach at how you say those words.

“What you just did to me could ruin my life.” You finally say, still clinging, not at all asking him to stop. “What you’re doing right now, will ruin my life.”

“Don’t be silly. Your life will be ruined without me, baby, you know that, right?” He says, reminding you of who has the power by quickening his hips and pointing his cock directly at your already sensitive g-spot. “You can’t say no to me, you tried and still you want me.”

You nod your head in agreement despite wishing he was wrong. 

“We can’t.” You say to him in a half-groaned whisper. “I’m begging you to stop.” 

If at all, you’re just begging him to stop being what you want. To stop being able to have a hold over you like this. To stop being everything that Sunghoon isn’t and still being the most desirable man in your life. To stop being your step-brother. To stop being a taboo in your life, if only to become someone you’re allowed to need like this. 

“No.” Jake says, unknowing of what you’re actually asking of him. “I’ll never stop.”

With those words, you moan. He’s promising something that neither of you should feel or need, but you accept it. Shocked at the way you feel him inside of you like always, no pain, or lack of feeling from the previous size fucked into you. It’s just…Jake. Intentionally fucking you harder to punish you for words that are actually fighting more for him than against him. 

“Okay.” You whimper, falling silent with your broken voice fading into nothing but cries of the inevitable. 

For all Jake knows, you’re asking him to stop this. What he’s doing to you right now, not for anything else that you meant it for. For your own sake, because you know that after this, you truly may not be able to pull yourself from this fantasy with him. Technically, he’s showing you that he’s willing to hurt you to keep you. To take it from you if that’s what it takes to get what he wants. And that hurts a lot to know, a pain deep within you making you spiral a little more than you ever thought you could.

He’d really go as far as to keep going when you’re crying for him to stop? If just to show you that he…loves you? No, maybe just that he wants this, he wants you. 

You want this, but it’s the fact that he just knows. Even if you say no, even if you beg or plead for him to stop, he’ll just keep going because he knows better than you that you’ll always want him in return. Even if you’re lying to yourself, even if you were able to truly convince yourself that this isn’t at all what you want. Even if it feels like Jake is committing atrocities right now, he knows he’s not. He’s not, even if you say he is. 

And at the end of the day, right now. He truly isn’t. 

You can feel your heart rotting at all that’s lost now. A life with someone normal. A life where you’re normal and can be seen hand in hand with the love of your life as you grocery shop, or get ice cream, or even just take the future dog on a walk. Your dreams are dying, and you can’t stop them. 

You feel a burning pain throughout your body at the force of him now, seemingly trying to fuck your concern away from you. Only now do you open your eyes to look at him, he’s just shapes now. Your tears are messing up the normal clear view you’d have, but you can tell he’s smiling lovingly. 

He doesn’t care that he just ruined your relationship, he doesn’t care that you’re his step-sister, he doesn’t care nor think of how the future could work if he were to keep trying to follow this path, and continue to make you realize you’ll willingly walk down it with him….not when he’s getting this from you. 

Not when he knows that, now at least, he’ll always get what he wants.

You cling harder to him now, sucking your bottom lip into your mouth as you lift to his shoulder and tuck your face there, replacing your lip with his warm and pulsing skin. Jake is pleasantly surprised by this, after all that he did to you, he really thought he’d have to work harder to get these lips to willingly suck on his skin again without him puppeteering you. 

“Yeah?” He turns his face against your forehead as you suck, still crying and tasting the salt from your tears mixed with the saliva you’re drooling onto him. “Sunghoon can’t make you feel this good?” He continues to talk himself up. 

You remain silent as you try to drown out your thoughts with the pleasure he gives instead, feeling the way his normally gentle hands are rough holding you up, feeling the way your body shifts with each thrust up, hearing the way he breathes for you, speaks for you, and moans for you. 

You hate to say you love it right now. Hate that you let your dream of a normal life die so easily. Hate you love him enough to let him do this to you, really. 

“Jake–” You hiccup, exhausted. “I can’t believe you’d go this far.” 

Only in those words do you realize how taboo and…erotic it is. To have a man willing to not only claim you as his own through forcing jealousy on your boyfriend and pain on you, but you guess the borderline sexual assault is another thing. 

It’s not that you’re into it. In fact, you’re terrified of that. But it’s just…the way he knows you is attractive. The way he will protect you from any situation he caused…turns you on, even if he’s the one you need protecting from. God, the way he’ll fuck you through all the lies you tell yourself. 

Shit.

“I’d go further.” He chuckles, out of breath as he chases the expanse of your clenched walls. “Would’ve brought you to his house and fucked you right there at his front door. Let everyone know.”

You shake your head out of fear of that situation at first, and then suddenly find yourself smiling and losing your mind a bit. God, that would be hot if it were like, you know, not something that would get you disowned by not only family, but literally everyone aside from Jake. 

“Should’ve seen his face, baby–” Jake moans just thinking about it, loving that he has what no one else can have. “Said he was disgusted but…I think he was turned on. Really, couldn’t look away from you sucking my dick like that– God,” He cuts himself off by grabbing at you, shoving you back down and into your pillows, both hands running up your shirt and pushing it up to your collarbone. He gropes and pinches at your tits, half of his plush bottom lip caught between his teeth as sweat drips into his eyelashes. 

“Couldn’t tell if he wished he was me–” A sarcastic laugh. “or maybe even you.” His moans continue to mesh with his laughter, now moving one hand to your neck and leaning down to lick against your lips with another pointed thrust. “I’d never fuck anyone better than I’ll fuck you though.”

“Gotta say, if he wanted it bad enough, he’d look pretty choking on it too. Never as pretty as you.” He continues talking, and talking, and talking. 

You don’t really process his words though, or recognize if he’s being truthful or just making shit up, nor do you care. To be fair, there isn’t anything in this world left to care about aside from him now. Not yourself, not Sunghoon, your parents, or anyone out wandering the world right now. 

“Stop–” You moan at the way he rubs his pelvis against your clit with his now, deeper thrusts. “Stop fucking talking about him.”

He smiles wide against your lips in victory, feeling his muscle tense up at you asking to forget about Sunghoon. And so, he listens to you for the first time since you’ve been home, he fucking listens. 

Jake says nothing now, instead he focuses his hips and notes how now, your pussy feels too used. Or maybe his cock is just numb and oversensitive, he’s not sure. It’s not hard really, to reach down and shove three fingers into you alongside his cock, offering extra sensation to both his balls and the underside of his length as he continues to fuck into you with what he can only assume to be a painful stretch. 

His body shivers with an embarrassing moan at that, rolling his eyes back. 

“You hate him?” Jake says, but it sounds more like a plea for you to agree as he chases an orgasm far too fucking close. 

You don’t respond because at this point his words are just there as fluff in your head. You’re more focused on the insecure feeling inside of you at how he’s had to use his hand to help him get off. It...feels so bad knowing that you can’t give him what he wants after all this. After you promised. And, so, you build up the courage to lift quickly, catching him off guard, and hug him around his neck. 

There, his fingers skew slightly, to the point it’s painful for him to keep them in place and he’s forced to pull them back and instead, hold you up in his own hug as he spirals. God, he missed you so much. Look at you now, after trying to deny him, deny yourself of wanting this. You’re bouncing on him like you always have, frantically moving your hips with no rhyme or reason, solely to get him off. 

He lets out a loud moan, not caring if your parents wake up to it. Not caring about anything but the pussy choking his cock out now. The change in position offered a new form of tightness, and he doesn’t need an extra boost of pleasure anymore. Not with you breathing against his mouth like this, still crying, except now it’s like you’re crying because he hasn’t gotten off yet. 

“Yeah, that’s it.” He nods his head, lips playing with yours with each nod of his head as he squeezes his eyes shut. “Fuck, you always know what I like.”

Just like that, all of your insecurity is washed away. You feel him twitch inside of you, and the way his hands nearly bruise you in this hug feels…right. It’s what you need, what you want. 

“He ever cum in you?” Jake pants out, noting the way you aggressively shake your head in an answer. 

And normally, he’d pull out. Normally, there’s a condom involved in this. Not today though, even as you note the familiar sound choking from his throat, and that even more familiar twitch of his cock. You try to pry yourself away from him, palms pressing on his chest as you argue. 

“Jake! Pull out, Let me up!” 

He doesn’t let you though. Instead, he grabs both of your wrists and presses you right back down on the bed, overpowering you through his orgasm and fucking all of that cum right into you. Intentionally, with purpose. 

“No,” He croaks out in a breath, still lost in his orgasm. “I won’t.” 

You try to wiggle away from him still, despite knowing he’s already started cumming. What’s the point now if not just to still have some type of control over your own body? He, again, doesn’t let you, pressing your wrists painfully into your own stomach, forcing you to feel each pulse and spurt of him for the first time through the pressure of his hold.

He’s never done this to you before, then again, This isn’t the same Jake you’re used to no matter how much you try to relate the feelings and love to the Jake you were with last summer. And…you need to lie to yourself right now at how good it feels to have him fuck his cum into you well past his orgasm, because admitting it would be the last thing you could do tonight to really throw you off the deep end. 

He makes you admit it though, still fucking his cock into you regardless of how it’s growing softer and softer by the second. Doing it solely because he knows more cum will drip out as he shrinks back down. He wants to feel each second of your walls clenching, trying to push him out and knowing it never can. 

He holds you down harder now, wincing at his own sensitivity as he plays with himself inside of you, lending pained chuckles and eye rolls with each sound of disgust you make towards him for it. And only after he slips out and can’t manage to fold it back into you does he really look at you. 

Tilting his head with an innocent smile on his face, he releases your hands and shoots his own up to your face, cupping both cheeks before leaning down and kissing you as hard as he can with what little breath he has left. 

“I deserved that.” He says between kisses. “You deserved it.” He sounds slightly irritated saying that part, but his kiss stays gentle and sweet. “You owed me this.”

You’re not sure if he meant any of that, but you find yourself agreeing. 

[metanarrates]

escapist media in general is an ongoing fascination for me. media written with escapism as a main priority typically requires very little thought from the reader - the whole point is to kick back and live vicariously through a fun story, after all. they're narratives written to prioritize reader comfort.

but because they are written to be as unchallenging as possible, they often come with a set of underlying assumptions that can be just fucking fascinating to unpick. like yeah, why IS it assumed to be escapist and indulgent to enjoy colonial wealth without thinking about it in regency fiction. why IS the self inserty female protagonist, who is assumed to be as universally relatable as possible, written to be sweetly naive and sexually inexperienced. why does this "queernorm" contemporary world replicate patriarchial structures exactly but just with Gay People Allowed. why are these ideas assumed to be easy and comforting? can the writers not imagine anything better than the status quo but except maybe with more gay people and poc if you're lucky?

the fact of the matter is that "unchallenging" fiction tends to just simply replicate dominant cultural narratives as a point of comfort. we won't challenge the reader, so we won't think about the way we write certain things. everything we think of as comforting and safe are, of course, universal, and could not be founded on any harmful ideological assumptions. there is nobody who could be alienated by this.

and that's the sticking point to me, in terms of escapist fiction: it's always necessary to ask whose comfort is being prioritized. you've got to interrogate who gets to escape and the mechanisms by which that escape happens. escapism can be good and necessary to survive the current world, but it does not exist in a vacuum separate from the real world, even if it pretends it does!

[seredelgi]

Do they get jealous?/ AOT x fem!reader

featuring: Eren Jaeger, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, Reiner Braun, Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman

tw: kissing, possessive behavior, jealousy, implied/referenced sex, implied/referenced oral, fem!receiving

Does Eren? Oh yeah, and childishly so, too. You know it the second you turn around from the counter, you could just feel Eren’s eyes on you when the tall cute barista flashed you a charming smile as he handed you your drinks. So of course you’re met with your boyfriend's cold green gaze, waiting patiently for you to hand him the drink and sit beside him on the chair of the pub you’re at. 

“ Were you having fun?” he utters, and you almost miss it amid the blasting music it’s playing in the background.

“ What?” you feign ignorance, prompting him to lean into your space, invading it with his fragrance as he whispers in your ear:

“ Does he know you’re mine?” a hand of his brushes down your bare back, covering it with goosebumps, and it rests at your hip, squeezing it tightly in his hold.

You roll your eyes and playfully retort “Well, he does now”

Armin does, but he would never tell. He masks it with concern and asks you casual questions. It’s honestly amusing, ‘cause you can sense it almost immediately by the way he sighs beforehand, and then exhales:

“So who’s that guy you were with? Was he bothering you?” he circles your shoulders and you walk beside him towards your apartment.

“ Who, Matt?” you laugh, immediately aware that he’s detected a menace of some sort “ He’s new at work and the boss asked me to let him shadow for a bit, he’s actually very funny”

As soon as he saddens you can’t take it, you have to clarify “And very gay, too”.

“ Oh” he suddenly reddens and squeezes you closer to him “ Well, thank God”

There’s no way around it, honestly. Jean is possessive. He has many great qualities: always treats you right, brings you flowers, takes you to the best restaurants, and loves to eat you out. But the man just can’t help it. To him, everyone is a menace. You often have to reassure him that it’s all in his head and that every man on the planet is certainly not out to take you away from him.

However, when they ogle you down the streets his temper gets a hold of him before you can, and you’ll find him spitting at them “ What’s up man? Wanna take a picture?”. It’s enough to scare them off, and it’s honestly hilarious.

Connie’s the type of man to take pride in the way other guys look at you. He basks contently in the knowledge that you’re his, and whoever wants to take a look certainly can, just as long as they keep their hands to themselves. It’s funny to him, and it brings a cheeky smile to his face whenever someone’s being very obvious while checking you out. That’s when he circles an arm of his around your shoulders and pulls you in, whispering on your lips.

“ Wanna give them a show?” 

You nod enthusiastically, honestly simply eager to get unwanted attention off of you. As soon as that’s accomplished, you will restore your no-kissing in public ban, maybe.

Reiner is a confident man. Confident in everything but you, that is. It’s not like he doesn’t feel loved by you, let’s be clear, but he’s too afraid of losing you, and he won’t take any chance. He won’t let anyone else be in your mind that way, not even for a second.

So if a guy talks to you flirtily or makes an appreciative comment to you in his presence, you can rest assured that Reiner will take it in his hands to remind you just how good he can make you feel. 

You have no time to rid yourself of heels or earrings that night, he will have you spread on his bed as soon as he wills it, and he will bury his face between your thighs before you can even begin to protest. By the time he starts to work his magic on you, he certainly won’t hear any more complaints.

Erwin gets jealous alright, but he just hates to admit it, and it’s honestly so entertaining. He won’t talk to you all night, giving you the silent treatment the whole ride back home. You’ve come to understand where his mind goes over the years, so you now don’t mind. You just sit back in your seat and enjoy the calm before the storm, because as soon as he’s got a hold of you he won’t let you go. He will address the issue shortly and then start his payback with his hand closed around your throat, with whispers of how much you’ll regret touching another man’s arm like that, because you know exactly what it does to him, because you love how he bends you over the kitchen counter and claims you back.

Levi’s not the type to get jealous, no. Worried, however, that he gets, and you do pity the men that have made the error of mistreating you over the years. He usually just sits back and watches amusingly whoever thirsts over you at the club, as you’re dancing and laughing it off with your friends. But as soon as so much as a hand dares to slap your ass, or even worse, if anyone tries to take hold of you, you merely have the time to try and wiggle away from them, before Levi’s hand comes to rest on their shoulder, and he doesn’t have to speak to let them know to piss off.

What names do they like being called in bed?

How do they take you?

What's their love language?

So what about the way they kiss you?

How do they take compliments, then?

What gets them going?

And what pet names do they use the most?

What about JJK men?

[manwritingtales]

Give Me Back My Body!

My goddamn uncle stole my body! I would always catch him looking at the corner of my eyes, with him obviously trying to hide it. I was always uncomfortable with it, but he didn't say anything so I thought I could leave it alone. I was in practice when I suddenly found myself blacking out and waking up in my uncle's house, in a different body.

"Give me back my body!" I screamed at the phone, my Uncle David's deep voice coming out of my throat. I feel his stomach rumble, feeling confined in this shirt.

My body—me—grins, flexing his—my—arms. "Sorry, Kev. This is my body now. You know, I've always thought you were so sexy. I tried to just look, but I couldn't. I realized it just wasn't because I thought you were hot, it was because I wanted to become you."

He grins and flexes, and it's so bizarre watching my body act that way. So… slutty.

"I always fuckin' knew you were a fag!" I spit.

Oh god. He's so hairy! And this beard! It feels so weird having this big bushy beard on my face. I was always used to just having a stubble on my face.

"Don't worry, Kev. Or should I say Uncle David," my body grins, "I made sure to keep that body gay in the spell."

What—?

He must've seen the confusion in my face, because his grin only grows larger. "That's right. Take a look at this." He uses my body to flex my arms, the young body exuding virility and strength. He kisses his—my!—biceps and a strange sensation passes over me. Oh my fucking god. No, no, no! I feel the hog in this body growing. Jesus fucking Christ. Am I getting hard over my own body? Is it me, or is it his body getting hard?

I look at my old body, and I suddenly found myself understanding things from Uncle David's perspective. I do look pretty fuckin' hot. I shake my head. This is wrong!

"Listen here, fucker," I growl, secretly pleased with how low Uncle David's voice is. "Give me back my body!"

He smirks. "Or what?"

I pause, then take off his shirt, revealing his hairy chest. "Or I will post your fuckin' dick all over the goddamn internet!"

He laughs, caressing his muscles. "Is that the best you can think of, Uncle David?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Well. I'm sure I can think of so many more fun things to do with this body."

He shows my body's plump butt, and I hear him say, "I'll be sure to send you the video of good ol' straight Kevin getting fucked in the ass."

"You…—!" I was speechless, and I was even more horrified to realize that Uncle David's body is fucking hard. Not just aroused, but rock fucking hard! I resist the overwhelming urge to adjust the boner in my pants.

My shocked expression seems to please him. "Don't worry, Uncle David," he says using my voice. It's so strange hearing myself say all this. "I know I won't be the only one bottoming. I'm a bottom, and that body is a bottom. Better clean yourself up because I know you'll get the urge soon."

"You fucking—"

Call disconnected.

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck. I stare at Uncle David's reflection in a mirror, a strange combination of scared, shocked, and… horniness coursing through me. His body. Me. Jesus, even now it's starting to get harder and harder to figure out what this body is feeling and what I'm actually feeling.

"I'll fuckin' get you," I glare at Uncle David in the mirror. "I'll… I'll get my body back…"

A thought pops out of my mind—a thought that sends shivers down my spine. I bury it down. I won't let it get to me. If his body wins, then Uncle David wins. I won't let it happen…

'Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to get fucked.'

[merakidoll]

≡;- ꒰ °𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐲꒱

choso and yuki - the couple who was known for their love of turing people out. but maybe this time you turned them out.

warnings : chubby reader! bi yuki (DUH) - oral (f) kinda (m) as well! yuki’s high key obsessed with readers taste! spiting in mouths, kissing, hickeys. vaginal penetration (unprotected) don’t be like them. tribbing, reader has nipple piercings, don���t get it twisted with all this slutting out their doing yuki and choso are STILL in love! yuki real gay! fingering. pet names : precious, princess, sugar, mommy, daddy. lots of cumming - 17+

mirah note! : my first fic AHH! please let me know if you liked it, also thank you for 6k, mwah!🎀 3.1k words

s.w.i.n.g.e.r.s.

swingers. that was the perfect word to describe yuki and choso. they were in love, even a blind man could sense it, but they both craved excitement. while yes, their sex was amazing and passionate, all things that were love and lust. they loved the thrill of turning out someone new. pulling all of their tricks they were supposed to reserve for one another, and doing it to someone else. making them fall head over heels with a chilling orgasm, and tear bringing aftercare, and then leaving. just before they could open their eyes. an already pre written note saying “this was fun” with both of their names waiting on the hotel’s pillow.

and this one was no different … right?

you intrigued them by your pink aura - well clothing. but aura as well. you were so bubbly, bouncing in your seat as you took small sips of your sex on the beach, hair bouncing with each move as well as your breast; which is what the pair was staring at. the automatic arousal came when you turned slightly, and the two ball shaped imprints where right where your hardened nipples sat. that’s when yuki knew to go in. she went in as she usually did. “hi precious, i couldn’t help but see how pretty you looked tonight” her voice calming, making your thighs clench, your big eyes staring at the gorgeous women and mouth practically drying.

“o-oh?” yuki got closer, kissing your cheek that was caked with a sunset orange blush that complimented your melanated skin…. her red lip stick staining you, as if she was claiming her prey- which in a way she was. yuki always went in first due to her maternal nature. she was a sexy woman; a pretty figure with words that knew how to melt anyone on the spot. the sight of his lover making the pretty pink princess shudder in her seat made choso’s dick harden.

he has been hard, MANY times. but this sight ? how the moment between you two was as if it was only you two in the room, eyes staring deep into one another with the hot, sensual skin contact. that was different, he stopped his staring when your eyes met his. his heart stopped for a moment. a deep heavy breath passing his pierced lip, but he made it very unnoticeable. a slight wave with a charming smile that again visibly made you shake in yuki’s hands. “oh, you think he’s pretty precious?” she smiled convincingly, kissing your neck and taking a deep inhale in your vanilla scent. pussy throbbing at how delectable you would be to just eat up.

before you or choso knew it, you were getting walked to the exact place he was sitting. his heart pounded hard, sweat growing on his palms- but again he played it cool. irritation boiled in the lower pits of his stomach at wondering you had him this nervous. not only you, but his girlfriend. it was as if ten minutes with you already had her dominance peaking. she already exuded so much power now everyone was captivated by her and it made him nervously hard. but he understood why as soon as you were next to him muttering a small “hi”. god you made him want to stuff your cunt- and your smell, pre cum stained onto his calvin klien’s. pants getting so tight he felt like he couldn’t breath

“what a pretty thing” he said looking up from you to yuki who was still attached to you. her face imprinted in your neck, dark eyes looking up at choso and a hmm falling from her mouth. “wanna eat her up right pretty?”

choso didn’t respond, already ready to go, he wanted to make you feel so damn good. and the way you looked up at him didn’t help the situation. three adults with three clouded minds left the bar on a mission. it was uncertain when the steamy makes outs started. but you’re pretty sure it was in the cab.

yuki tilted your head back and whispred for you to open your mouth, and an unexpected moan from the slow drop of the man’s spit falling into your mouth then going right into a hot kiss almost had you cum on spot.

or on the elevator up to the hotel room, yuki trapping you against the hard body of choso, giving you sweet kisses that had you craving more. with your closed eyes, you moved forward to get another but was met with air. and if you weren’t being held, you would have fallen face first

“pay attention princess, you’ll get another soon,” he reassured when you started to pout ushering you out. you and choso watched yuki’s hips move as she walked to the room likeshe owned the place.

her hips swaying captivating you both, and it didn’t help when she turned around to catch you both in the act. her beautiful smirk taking you both out of a trances. “you guys coming?” walking into the room, the door open as if you were practically walking into a room of hungry lions.

you had expected this, but not in this good. this was way more than expected. you knew they were skilled in their area, knowing how to work one’s body until they fainted from all of the pleasure. it’s funny because that’s exactly what they’re doing to you.

they looked better naked, both having toned bodies that picked your curvy frame up like you weighed nothing. they tossed you around like their personal fuck toy and you were enjoying every moment. you had came once on their long slender fingers, and clit rubs with kisses as you laid in yuki’s arms like a princess. “tell him how good it feels sugar. awe my princess loves that cho!” choso smiled, moving his head to kiss your thick thighs moaning at how good your cum - coated, pussy smelled.

as soon as the first orgasm ended, the second began, yuki resting you onto the pillow and meeting her lover at the edge of the bed. you were confused. missing her warmth and a small “w-what” leaving your dry lips. you had missed the silent communication the two exchanged. so into cumming that it’s the only thing on your mind, and the add on praises wasn’t helping. but when a shared kiss came and it was directly on your cunt, you knew the night was only getting started.

“o-ohhh,” you cried, both of them draping one leg over their shoulder. their tongues working together, kissing and licking you pussy clean to watch it get messy again. choso and yuki were calculated on their movements. locking lips at any giving moment and the happy spot just so happened to be where your clit was. your legs shook again, the meat on your thighs jiggling while you tried your best to push them away and close your legs. but you had absolutely no control. you were too weak. yuki slapping your thigh with a muffled “don’t be bad” that you wish could have gone unheard but it didn’t and all you wanted to do was be good for them.

choso moved back with a glistening face, enjoying the view his girlfriend was providing. he noticed that you hadn’t even resonated the missing mouth. yuki taking all control and slowly making her way down to you pink hole that clenched in the cool air. he watched as your hand creeped its way down. grabbing ahold of her blond hair, and fucking her …tounge into you at your own pace. “y-yes! don’tstopppp! p-please” you begged while bobbing yuki’s head into your pussy and she let you, enjoying the moment, her eyes closed while her stomach churned wetness dripping on the floor.

she started to feel pleasure shoot through her body. choso taking the initiative to please her. fucking his fingers into her pussy and sucking her nipples. he watched how you screamed, moving faster wanting you both to cum together. he popped one of the hard buds out of his mouth moving to kiss her ear. “almost there,” he said, starting to scissor his fingers inside of her, her shaky body head still being bobbed and ears ringing, everything feeling so good; all it took was for you to clench down on her wet warm muscle, your nails digging into her scalp as your orgasms hit you- hard.

“OH! OHMYGODDUHHH” you shut your eyes tight while pushing her head away, not even seeing the beautiful sight of the woman cumming herself. she fell back onto choso, cream all over her face and cum in her mouth that she choked on from having too much going on with her body. choso watched you both lose your minds. as yuki came he still fucked his fingers into her, making her get so sensitive that when she finally stopped creaming all over his fingers and the floor, the room was silent. each woman needing a break. so he began to plot, eyes on you once he laid his love on the ground to catch her breath.

your were balled on the bed, hands holding your- what he could assume was a very sensitive cunt. he wonders if you thought they were done, if you thought you were leaving without being stuffed. yuki could practically tell what her boyfriend was thinking- and she herself was thinking the same thing just needed to regain her energy. gently tapping his thigh she looked in his eyes and nodded. oh, how you were so oblivious to the fun just not starting. “you okay?” he walked over to you, getting on the bed. you hummed with a mind still foggy, pussy throbbing intensely.

“words princess” his voice low and commanding that you opened you watery eyes and mumbled “y-yes daddy” making him groan. it not helping his hard cock that stood right on your face begging to be touched. this was your first time seeing it for tonight. while he wasn’t very long, choso had girth; the type to stretch you like you’ve never been stretched before and if he knew how to work it right, make it go so deep. and it’s choso we’re talking about - of course he knew how to.

“can you handle more” he slyly asked using the pads of his thumb to wipe off the mascara streak and cursing to himself at how pretty you looked; just like a fucked out princess. he has taken away your thought of asking where the women went. preparing yourself for yet another orgasm that was going to take much more out of you than the other two. his instructions were clear: sit on your knees in front of him. and you did just that, taking the little time that you had to look for yuki who was no where to be found. your heart tingling a little at not seeing her, wanting both of their attention. but when choso started to suck on your neck, you had forgotten about your train of thought.

whimpering and tilting your head so he could do more, he noticed your actions, licking from the mark he just created to his next one. “naughty girl,” his words went right to your core. where he slowly spread your legs and dipped his hand down to see if you were wet enough to take him- he already knew the answer. when your slimy juice dripped into his palm, he moaned against you, spreading your legs wider and putting his cock in between you. you back was against his chest, his nipples rubbing over your skin felt amazing. you could feel his cock rub between your walls; mouth opening in a silent cry when the tip of him touched your bud. “you ready beautiful? because god am i ready to ruin you”

“y-yes! yes please daddy” the name sent electricity throughout his body, his rough hands turning your head to kiss you, and you could taste yourself on his lips as your tongues danced around each others. his tip poking at your hole and pushing in, the fat head stretching you so much that you’re moaning loudly in his mouth. “that’a g-girl” he groaned, shutting his eyes while still kissing you, taking it deeper as your pussy took him deep all the way until you met the base. everything felt so full, a small print in your chubby tummy and choso gripping your love handles to pull you back onto him.

you breast jerking from his rough yet soft thrust. “feel good, baby?” he watched your face scrunch and your body shake and all it took was one little plunge. you were dizzy, brain going back to this cumcumcum state where all you could fathom was feeling good. he started slow, sliding his hand to wrap around you throat, gently squeezing the area and making you clench a patch of cream going around him. once you started to scream, “m-more! harder daddy” he did that for you - after all you were his princess.

you pussy felt so good, like the best warm hug after a crying session. except this time the warm hug is what had him crying. choso has fucked a lot of pussy, and ass because he was a women and man catcher. but nothing could compare to yuki or you for that matter. the way you both squeezed down on him, taking his dick just right. he fit like a glove in not only her - but you. and it was questionable if he would really want to give this up.

even with pumping his cock into and fucking you like the slut that you are, he longed for the dynamic that was three - you, yuki, and himself had. he questioned where she was missing her presence and all of his thinking subsided when she crawled on the bed like an animal hunting her prey- you

her eyes were darker, ready to taste the juicy pussy again. when yuki had disappeared she made her way to the bathroom cursing herself at how the taste of pussy, and choso amazing fingers had her losing her mind. the two lovers not knowing they were fighting the same internal battle- and that was not wanting to leave you. the sight that she walked out to after getting herself together had heat gushing to her core. she could hear your begs and moans, whimpers and pleads of you wanting to be fucked. but she wasn’t expecting the sight to look so damn pretty. the prettiest thing she’s ever seen.

she knew that you didn’t see her or feel her get onto the bed, and the look she gave choso told him to not mention it. laying beneath you she could see the way his cock fucked you. she could see how deep he was, how your hole took him in so well making a mess. she found the displayof your pussy taking his cock so ethereal that it would be cruel to not at least give where you both met a kiss. she moved her face close sticking her tounge out to catch the juices that splattered everywhere when you met his base. with once he moved out a little, she kissed your pussy and licked up to his cock. “y-yuki! fuck” choso’s voice cried his body shaking, his orgasm so close. “c-cum p-please!” you asked as fresh tears falling from your eyes, you pussy getting sensitive and the duo of getting fucked and licked made you feel faint.

what you both thought was one time because multiple, yuki going back to eating your pussy and occasionally licking choso, watching how he got sloppy with his thrust and you couldn’t stop clenching. “i’m t-there baby! fuck i’m there … c- cum with me, hm?” his breath grew short, his balls feeling full to the point they hung lower than before. “g-gonna stuff this cunt,” he closed his eyes seeing stars “g-gonna give you p-pretty babies and make y-you stay w-with me and y-yuk- SHIT!” he yelled when she kissed one of his veins. yuki listened to his words, her pussy juices getting on the already filthy bed, enjoying the day dream of what’s he was saying.

and you were too. the idea of having their babies being theirs could only make you say “IMCUMMINGGG!” yuki didn’t move when you squirted all over her face, the mixture of choso cum too because, god, you were tightening around him too much that he couldn’t hold back. she let the messy wetness pour down on her, moaning to the taste like the best forbidding fruit and she wanted to have it all the time. she never knew she loved eating pussy that much until tonight. until you blessed her with your sweet nectar. now she feels you’re the only source that will help her survive.

choso pulled out, both of you falling on the bed. she took that time to do her final bid - to finally break you, making you cum one last time. your blurred vision moaned when her wet cunt met yours. “m-mommy” you said, bitting your lip “i-i can’t take ittt” you hiccuped when she started to hump into you. your messy cunts rubbing together and creating the best rhythm. choso wasn’t shocked, he knew his girlfriend had a thing for tribbing, calling it “the finale stretch” in this night long love making with their person of the night.

but instead of going rough as she usually did, she went soft, kissing your lips and praising how much she loved your cunt. now, you were theirs, and he didn’t feel upset, enjoying the show because all of their marks of claims were true. they had no intention on leaving you after a night like this. you teared up, your cunt sensitive and your next orgasm just two more humps away. you kissed yukis soft lips as your pussy came again. she could feel the gush of you get on her. how your clit rubbed against her fold just right, and you pretty little cries of “m-mommyc-cum!cumm” made her let go. god, she loved when you called her mommy.

when she lazily fell beside you, you instantly curled into their warm embraces falling into a deep sleep. usually the two would make their person stay up for aftercare; but this time, they opted for a quick clean and cuddled, already planning this new life with you. and they were gonna show you the best aftercare when the sun rose and they didn’t feel exhausted. because you were different.

the sun crept through the draped curtains, hitting choso who felt a cool sheet beside him first. he instantly sat up, seeing his girlfriend laying next to him. but not you.

instead, what was on your pillow waiting for them was a note, and a thong.

“this was fun! thanks xoxo”

[felassan]

David Gaider on Zevran, under a cut for length:

"I was going to skip over Zevran, honestly, as I felt like I didn't have a lot to tell in the way of stories about him... but I know he still has some (ardent) fans. Plus, on reflection, I thought maybe I DO have a few things to say. 😅 Sooo we'll see how this goes. Zevran came along much later in the DAO process, as we were trying to round out the cast of party members. Alistair and Morrigan were well underway (as "main" characters, they were concepted very early) and I'd just started to consider who our Rogue followers might be when... things changed, a bit. See, BioWare had released a game not long beforehand called Jade Empire. It had included some same-sex options in its romances - not obscured like the way Juhani's "romance" had been hinted at in KotOR, but explicit. To this day, I have no idea who on the Jade Empire team was behind it, or why. More to the point, the same-sex options had received a lot of attention and praise - almost universal praise, in fact. In 2005, everyone was just pleasantly surprised. And I don't recall if I went to James and asked about it or if he came to me to suggest DAO should include it. The latter, I think."

"You might ask "Aren't you gay, Dave? Weren't you already pushing for this?" And the answer to that is, emphatically, "no, not at all". It might seem odd looking through the lens of 2024, but there was no talk of 'representation' or 'diversity'. Not at any level where we were aware of it, anyhow. Today, fans argue about how MUCH representation to include and whether it's done well enough... the idea that, less than twenty years ago, it being included *at all* was very much in doubt feels so far away. But, back then, I'd always assumed my private life and my work in games would never meet. So I think it was James who brought it up, because I remember being startled. Pleasantly so, of course. Now I had to look at our two rogues and figure out how this would apply. I sketched out the female of the two (who was taken on by Sheryl Chee) and then looked at the male - he who became Zevran. I'd been reading about the CIA and one thing that stuck with me was how they'd (allegedly) recruit gay men as assassins because they rarely had familial ties. Zevran wasn't going to be gay (bisexuality wasn't a question of representation, but a cost-benefit compromise) but that was the inspiration."

"Then there was the question of how "flamboyantly" I was writing this character, whether that might be too stereotypical? I don't remember how it arose, but I had too many "flamboyant" friends to do anything other than double down. This character was gonna be Zorro the goddamn Gay Blade, that's what. So that's how Zevran happened. Fun, a bit nihilistic, maybe a bit too overtly flirty for today's audience but very confidently *sexual*. Everything I'm not, so I'll admit it was an interesting exploration to dig down and find that voice somewhere inside. He was the anti-Alistair, and I needed that. Casting him was difficult. Caroline always tried to go for authentic accents, when we could, but for some reason this was getting us nowhere. I think back, and I suspect it's because I hadn't yet learned the lesson to not use terms in casting descriptions I thought were universal... but were not. What do I mean by that? Well, there was one write-up that said "drow elf". Now, I know what a drow elf is. It wasn't even important to the description, but the director saw the word "elf", and you know what we got back? A Keebler elf. Like a leprachaun, high and sweet and cutsie. Can you imagine?"

"In this case, I think it was the use of the word "assassin". Combine that with the sorts of roles many Hispanic actors in LA probably are asked to play, and all the auditions we were getting were 150% dark, mean, and gritty. 🫠 So we widened the casting call a bit, and this led us to Jon Curry. I knew Jon wasn't Hispanic, but what I wasn't prepared for when I flew down to meet the DAO actors was that he's this extremely tall, extremely Nordic looking dude who just happened to do the most amazing Antonio Banderas impression. Watching THAT man channel Zevran was... more than a bit surreal. 😅 And he had fun with it. As soon as we gave him the go ahead to play the fun and flirtiness to the hilt, that's exactly what he did. Over the few days where we found Zevran's voice, it totally supplied me with something I could hold in my head when I went back to Edmonton and finished writing him. Zevran was funny enough that the fans liked him. The only part of the reception I thought odd was the occasional comment by a male player who felt "tricked" into having sex with Zevran. "You mean... that part where he invites you to his tent for a sensual massage?" "Yes! I was expecting a massage!" "He literally says the massage is sensual." "Well he wasn't clear enough!" This is where I first came to the conclusion that a certain number of our players just don't know how to people. And that maybe an adjustment to the way we approached the messaging (or massaging lol) of romance was in order. If I could go back, would I change anything? Maybe I'd remind the systems team Zevran should really be able to pick a lock. And maybe not allow him to die. We had no idea we'd need to import these choices into the future - we kinda thought DAO was "one and done". Not so much, as it turned out. 😁"

[source thread]

David Gaider: "there's something to be said about how Zevran flirted and even had sex with you because he thought that's all he had to offer... not just you, but anyone. And when he realized you wanted something deeper, suddenly he was on unsteady ground and it truly unsettled him. It was fun to explore." [source]

User: "So David - besides loving the fact that the third image you picked is a gay sex scene - what happened in DA2(DAE - come on) with Zevrans design?" David Gaider: "Check the ALT text. It wasn’t a custom sculpt, so that’s as close as they could get it. Which… was not close." [source]

User: "Just to make sure I fully understand: the director (was it the voice director?) saw the word "elf" and thought you were looking for someone high, sweet, and cutesie?" David Gaider: "Yeah, this was from back before we managed VO in-house. The voice director in this case just didn’t have an association with “elf” like some familiar with fantasy would." [source]

[mindmelter]

Alien Appetite: Snacking The Biker

I chuckled at the funny face this random biker made at the moment my alien buddy crawled inside his ear.

I just love the faces they make whenever they're having their brains taken over by Cosmo, my tiny alien bug. They always freeze on the spot with those dumb facial expressions. Usually, with their eyes bulging in shock and their tongues hanging out. Sometimes, their eyes roll back, and some even stare in opposite directions, but they always have their tongues hanging out. It's kinda Cosmo's signature by now.

I grabbed my phone and snapped a photo of this one's face. It might sound weird, but I like to collect photos of the faces they make during the takeover. I have hundreds of photos like this saved on my phone because I like to jerk off to them later.

I heard a squishy sound coming from inside his head, and suddenly, his left eye moved abruptly in an unnatural, opposite direction. I chuckled as I snapped another photo. It was such a drastic contrast from the loud arrogant brat that he was just a few minutes ago...

_____________________

I was walking outside in search of the perfect host for Cosmo, who is my tiny alien bug who needs sperm to survive. The problem is—Or blessing, in my opinion—he is too small to digest the cum by himself; he needs a host body to digest the cum for him. So every month, when he gets hungry, we go hunting for a poor, unfortunate soul to become his next digestive system for the month. And, of course, once he finds the host, I'm more than happy to feed him with my cum.

I was starting to lose any hope of finding a suitable host. Half the day had passed, and I still hadn't found a hot man. Of course, any guy would serve to become a host, but I was a gay dude! Of course, I only wanted to pick the hottest guys. But I'm not that selfish, there was also the fact that fit, healthy guys had the tastiest and strongest cum, and Cosmo was very picky about his food. That was Cosmo's own words, not mine.

I sighed in disappointment. I was usually very good at hunting. Just like last month, I found a rich, muscular black hunk at the gas station. We had so much fun with that host; I was already missing sucking on that huge black cock... maybe I should pay him a visit tonight after finding Cosmo a host. Before leaving his hosts empty, Cosmo would always program what was left of their brains to continue living their lives on autopilot even without free will... of course I also asked him to make them treat me like their Master.

The autopilot thing was all my idea. Before I met Cosmo, he would basically leave his hosts in a vegetative state. The police had no clue why men in the city were being found with parts of their brains missing and their own cum in their mouths.

The search for a host continued without success. Maybe it just was a bad day, I thought.

As I was walking on the sidewalk of a house, I suddenly heard the loud screech of tires and the roar of an engine. A young, handsome biker abruptly stopped his bike just inches from where I stood. A few more inches, and he would have run me over.

It was my fault, I suppose I was too lost in my thoughts to notice the bike approaching, but before I could apologize, he spoke.

"Hey! Watch where you're going dumbass! I don't want a fat human pancake right in front of my house!" He shouted, flipping me his two middle fingers in a cocky manner.

I just stood there in front of him with my mouth agape, completely amazed by this good looking young biker.

His curly brown hair peeked out from under his backward cap, and the white tank top he wore showcased his toned, tattooed arms. He exuded effortless charm and youthful energy, even when being an arrogant prick. Those were always my favorites.

He would be perfect, I thought.

So, in a quick move, I grabbed Cosmo out of my pocket and watched as he flapped his tiny wings and flew towards the biker, finding his way right into the arrogant brat's ear. Instinctively he slapped his ear as soon as he felt the intrusion, making his cap fall to the ground. But it was too late for him, because in seconds, his eyes bulged, and he stuck his tongue out.

A familiar sign that Cosmo had reached for the brain.

_____________________

Now, he is sitting on his bike, frozen and with the dumbest and hottest face expression ever.

I ran my hand over his curly hair and leaned closer to his face. His tongue was so big and inviting, just hanging out there, drooling. I just couldn't hold myself, I had to taste it. So I started to suck on that huge tongue with passion. He didn't respond to my sloppy kiss—of course, with an alien bug consuming parts of his free will, he was incapable of doing anything.

But little by little, I started to feel his tongue reacting to mine until I felt his hand on the back of my head, pushing me harder against his mouth, locking our mouths together. I felt his strong tongue dominating mine, making me melt into his muscular tattooed arms while I just let him explore my mouth, making sure he was pushing his tongue as deep into my mouth as he could. He then pulled away and smirked at me. "Master needs privacy for his feeding. Follow me to the garage." He said, with some traces of his arrogant persona still present in his voice.

"Is this your house?" I asked.

"It's my parents' house. They're inside so we're going to have to use the garage to feed my Master."

We walked into the garage, and once Inside, I closed the door, the garage was dark except for the light coming from the garage door's window.

I couldn't see anything, but when I turned around, I saw the biker lying on a car's trunk. He had unbuckled his belt already and was staring at me.

"Wanna make the honors?" He asked as he teasingly slid his hand inside his underwear.

I immediately dropped to my knees between his legs and pulled down his pants. His throbbing cock was bulging inside his boxers, and judging by the bulge, I knew he was well-hung.

Just another point in my favor, as Cosmo had a preference for well-endowed hosts to ensure proper feeding. I was very good at the game of spotting the most well-hung men, not even Cosmo knew how I was always right, call it my secret gay power.

With a single pull, his underwear joined his pants on the floor, and I was greeted with the sight of his 8 Inches hard cock, pulsating with life and leaking at the tip.

He put his finger on the leaking tip and sucked on his finger. He savored the taste for a moment and then made a *not bad* expression, "Master approves my cum," The young biker said. With that, his eyes rolled back, and he started to bend forward, his head becoming closer and closer to his hard dick. I heard some cracking and snapping sounds coming from him as he bent forward to the point he was unnaturally folded in half. His face was now just a few inches away from his cock. He opened his mouth, and his long tongue came out. His lips wrapped around the head and engulfed his shaft.

His eyes were still white as he took inch by inch and started to suck himself off with gusto.

The feeding was always my favorite part. I just continued on my knees, watching from closer this handsome cocky biker suck his own cock like he has done it a hundred times before.

In truth, he was just obeying Cosmo's commands, who surely had done it a hundred times before.

It didn't take long, and his muffled grunts filled the garage, he gulped down his cum like he was drinking water. Then he finally detached his lips from his shaft with a loud 'POP' sound.

A few more cracking and snapping sounds and he was sitting normally. He placed one hand behind his neck and stretched out, letting out a long sexy grunt.

"Fuuuckkk... my neck hurts so fucking bad, but anything to feed my Master," He said between grunts as he exposed his hairy armpit.

I leaned forward and buried my face in his musky pit. He didn't react and just allowed me to worship his sweaty armpits. He tasted and smelled like a real man.

"What's your name boy?" I asked as I took a deep long sniff.

"It's none of your business, you dirty fa-" He suddenly stopped talking mid-sentence, and his body tensed. Then his expression softened, and he continued talking, but now less aggressive. "My name is Blake..." he answered casually, "That's it, enjoy my armpits, you gay whore. They're sweaty and musky from a day of riding my bike with my friends under the sun."

I chuckled, "Your armpits taste wonderful, but there's a little alien inside your brain who enjoyed your cum a lot more than I enjoyed your pits. Cosmo is very picky about his food, you should be proud." I said, without taking my mouth from his armpit.

"Well, what can I say? Every girl who’s had the pleasure of getting a taste has only ever come back for more. My cum is alpha-grade, the kind that leaves anyone craving for more. They know it, I know it, and let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want a piece of that?" He braged, jerking his still hard shaft.

I smirked at that. I loved how Cosmo always kept their cocky personas even after becoming mindless meat puppets. Ok, I might have begged him to keep them this way instead of just turning them into cold robots, I liked them with some of their personalities. I continued licking and sniffing his armpits for almost an hour until he suddenly pushed my head away.

"Ok, that's enough dude! Jesus, you're not the only one hungry here. Get up,"

I did what I was told. As I stood, the tent in my pants was on full display. He stood up and stepped in front of me. His face was so close to mine that I could smell his cum on his mouth.

"Master is not sated yet, he wants more. Unfortunately, I already gave him everything I had in my balls, which wasn't much since I was in my girlfriend's house early today and I wasted my cum on that bitch."

My cock throbbed, knowing what was about to happen.

"Master is telling me that the only reason you helped him turn me into his brainless vessel was so you could receive a blowjob from a hot straight guy like me, is that true?"

I could only nod. He snorted in disgust. "I fucking can't believe I had parts of my brain consumed and my free will destroyed by an alien just because a pathetic gay guy is horny. You're sick, dude."

I was completely lost in the moment as the biker knelt in front of me. His lifeless green eyes were locked onto mine as he pulled down my pants, and when his mouth opened, I fixed my eyes on that massive tongue of his; thick and wet. Finally, his tongue wrapped around my shaft like it had a mind of its own. Holy shit, it felt incredible!

He started working me with that tongue, sliding it up and down my shaft like he was savoring every inch. His lips wrapped around my tip, sucking gently, while his tongue did all kinds of wild things, swirling and caressing me in ways that made my knees weak. I let out a low groan, my fingers found their way into his curly hair.

"Fuck," I muttered, totally overwhelmed by the sensation. I tightened my grip on his hair and pushed his head down further, feeling him take me deeper. His throat clenched around me, warm and wet, driving me crazy. He let out a soft moan, and the vibrations sent shivers through my whole body.

I pulled his head back a little, just to take in the sight of this arrogant biker's face. Then I pushed him back down, harder this time. His tongue kept going, sliding up and down my length, hitting all the right spots. I could feel that tension building inside me, I was getting close.

I grabbed his hair tighter, forcing his face against my crotch, making him take me all the way. He gagged a little but didn't back off—they never do—his hands gripped my thighs like he was begging for it. Watching him give in like that, so completely under the alien's control, pushed me right to the edge.

Finally, I pulled out and aimed straight at his tongue, which was hanging out, already waiting. My cum shot out, covering his tongue and dripping down his chin. He opened his mouth wider, letting me see it all before swallowing every last drop. I knew Cosmo was enjoying it just as much as I was, feeding off everything.

When he swallowed the last of it, he looked up at me with that blank gaze and a satisfied smirk. "No matter how many vessels I make, your cum will always be my favorite, my human friend," Cosmo finally said through Blake's voice.

Since that day, Blake became Cosmo's feeding host for the month and he would often send me a message asking me to meet with him.

_____________________

*One month later*

It was 4:00 AM. I was sleeping with Cosmo's previous host, the muscular black hunk that we found at the gas station last month. We were cuddling together when I was awakened by the sound of a text message. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and saw it was a message from Blake. He sent me a mirror photo with a text.

"Master is hungry again, meet me at the parking lot near my house." Was all the message said.

"I'm on my way." I responded.

I grabbed my car keys and drove to the location. Arriving there, the parking lot was desertic like you would expect to be at 4:00 AM. It was cold, luckily I had put on a hoodie. I didn't have to wait long—Soon I saw Blake walking towards me, shirtless, wearing only his pajama pants. Looking hot as always.

"Sorry for waking you this early. I'm just very hungry. I need to eat some strong healthy cum, not some thin, unnourished cum," Cosmo said in full control of Blake.

"Blake isn't producing enough cum anymore? I assume," I asked as I pulled down my pants, freeing my flaccid cock, it was cold. Blake kneeled between my legs and started to stroke my shaft, right there in the open.

"He can only produce a few drops now. Not enough to keep me sated." He said putting his hands inside his pants.

He pulled out his cock and slapped it, I watched as It jiggled. "This thing is completely useless now."

"Wow, you really ran this host out fast, and Blake was a healthy young man, he should last for at least 40 days. You're becoming too greedy, you need to learn to control your hunger so the hosts can last longer."

Cosmo had to change hosts every month because, eventually, the hosts he was possessing would become infertile and stop producing cum forever. It was a side effect of the takeover and the constant feeding. Cosmo had explained to me before about the scientific factors behind the host's infertility, but I didn't dare to try to understand.

I moaned as I felt Blake's warm mouth closing around my shaft, it felt nice from the cold. "Fuck, I'm going to miss Blake. What do you think of us searching for a new host tomorrow? I'm sure Blake here would love to help us turn one of his hot friends into a brainless puppet just like him," I said between moans, as I finally gave Cosmo what he was so hungry for.

[johnbrand]

Fathering Normality

“And then I just shoved it right in!”

Luke grunted as he thrust forward, drawing a laugh out of his friend Colton. Luke had been recounting the entire night before to him, going over every detail. How it started as a boner, how that boner led him to a bar, how that bar led him to rubbing up against some girl, and how that girl led him to shooting multiple loads directly into her tight pussy.

“It was exhilarating!” Luke recalled, the natural masculinity giving his voice a gruff, dense texture. “And all I can think about now is…doing it again…and again!”

Luke thrusted once more, trying to relieve the pressure building up in his thick cock. Colton could not help but happily smile along with his friend, very familiar with the experience of breeding a woman himself. In fact, his girlfriend had recently found out she was pregnant. When Colton had first received the news, he had been ecstatic. When Luke had received the news from Colton days later, he had not been.

Just a week ago, Colton and Luke had been in the same positions; Luke dramatically recounting some tale while Colton laid back and listened. Although, that time had been more violent. “What do you mean she’s pregnant?” Luke cried. “What are you two going to do? You’re too young, neither of you have secured jobs. We all just barely graduated from college a few years ago!”

Argument after argument flew by, but eventually Colton could not handle it anymore. His friend was supposed to be supportive, happy for the couple as they were with the situation. Then a strange thought came to Colton’s head–maybe Luke would be more supportive if he was able to see his side of things. 

Colton had shot the bullet directly into Luke’s head without hesitation. There was no way his gay friend could have understood the joy of breeding, fertilizing, and bearing fruit other than by being converted to try it himself. Of course, Luke did not remember the sound of the gun firing, dropping to the floor, or his limp body being handed over to local enforcement. Colton did not even think Luke remembered the past version of himself. And now that Colton had met the new model, he hoped he would soon forget too.

Gay Luke had been fun. A little bit on the shorter, skinnier side, but still a ball of energy. He always had a theatrical flair, and he kept himself well-maintained, but he had commitment issues and terrible spending habits. This Straight Luke though, had nearly made the equally heterosexual Colton blush. He was now much taller, more muscular, with that ball of energy transformed into sheer masculine confidence. Luke still held that capacity to put on a performance, but now it was powerful and captivating. 

Colton had contacted Luke at the end of the incubation period, not knowing what to expect. Yet he would have never predicted the stacked body-builder in a plain, short-sleeved button-up and dirty jeans appearing at his door. Sure, there were some things Colton felt a little guilty about. Luke’s former luscious locks had thinned out and shortened into a tiny quiff afflicted by male pattern baldness. His hygiene had definitely taken a hit; Colton had smelt the new funk as soon as those massive shoes had come off at the door. But the conversion affected everyone differently, so because Luke appeared obliviously overjoyed with heterosexuality, Colton felt that he could be too.

“So I just started countin’ as I rammed in. ‘One, two,’” Luke continually thrusted to display his point. “And eventually, it had to be like on 15 or 16, I felt that first burst of ecstasy. After that I lost count, I just went into hyper-mode.”

Colton chuckled, getting up to grab us some beers. He tossed one to Luke.

“Thanks bro,” Luke cracked his cold one open. “By the way, what did you call me over for anyway?”

“Oh man, I thought I already told you,” Colton half-lied. “My girl’s pregnant: I’m gonna be a dad.”

Luke’s eyes lit up, “DUDE! That’s awesome! Congratulations!! God, if only I could be so lucky, right?” 

Colton cheered to that, smirking at the possibility. He had been right when he had chosen to father normality. Thanks to him, one could metaphorically say he would soon be fathering twice the amount of children as a result of Luke’s conversion.

[iheartmonaco]

could you make a george russell x m!reader smau

ik u usually do text fics but i thought i’d make a request any way

love ur fics btw :)

Sure I can, anon. You're too sweet <3

Is He Gay Or European?

George Russell X Male! Influencer! Reader

George trying to soft launch his relationship but the fans just think he's being.... George

Face claim: none

Masterlist

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Celebrations 🎉

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User1 George who is that man 😨

Lewishamilton Congrats, mate 🥂

Georgerussell63 🥂🥂🥂

User3 so... Are we all just going to ignore the other man?

User4 Girl this is George fucking Russell we're talking about...

User3 ykw you're right

User5 Y/N L/N IN THE LIKES??????

Yourusername on [Instagram]

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A break from the sponsors (with the beloved 🤍)

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User6 this is literally the same restaurant George Russell was spotted at last night

User7 @user8 HANA ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING

User8 OH MY GOD YES I'M THINKING WHAT YOURE THINKING

User9 y'all need to get a fkn life lol, stop obsessing over other people's lives

User10 GEORGE RUSSELL AND LEWIS HAMILTON IN THE LIKES WHAT THE HELLLL

User9 no cuz there are so many influencers getting into f1 recently it's kinda annoying

User11 @user9 shut the hell up literally let people enjoy what they want???? What are you the joy and whimsy police??

User12 idk if it's just me but y'all are freaking out over nothing, George Russell and Y/n L/n have been liking each other's posts for a long time...

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User13 we all talking abt George but what if Lewis is the one making the move here 😳

User11 PLSSSS

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So long London 💕

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User14 WHO IS THATTTTTT

User15 George Russell 🤷‍♂️

User14 pls, is he even gay? Stop stereotyping

User15 I mean....

User16 yn will we see you at the British gp?

Yourusername 👀 maybe

User17 WHATTTTTTTT

User18 looking gorgeous as always ❣️

User19 Alex Albon in the likes too now 😭😭😭

User20 it's like George is recruiting them lmao

Georgerussell63 on [Instagram]

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Playdate 🎾

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User20 GEORGE RUSSELL SECRET GIRLFRIEND?????????

User21 boyfriend*

User22 George Russell spending his precious time out of F1. What is he doing? Playing sports with other men of course

User23 fellas is it gay to call hanging out with your friends a playdate

Yourusername had so much fun 🤍

Georgerussell63 rematch?

Yourusername you bet

User24 STAY CALM PEOPLE, THIS IS NOT A DRILL

User25 FWHAT THE FUCK I JUS WOKERUP FROM A NAP WHAT DID I MISS??????

User26 guys honestly why are we even surprised? Maybe they're just hanging out

User27 George Russell willingly spending his free time locked in a room with sweaty man, likely place for him to be

User28 fork found in kitchen

User29 fork found in kitchen

User30 fork found in kitchen

User31 fork found in kitchen

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Oh for fucks sake y'all we're gay

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User32 OH WOW OKAY

Georgerussell63 love you more and more every day 🌇

Yourusername love you more actually

Lewishamilton ❤️🏳️‍🌈

Yourusername ❤️

User33 WHAT HAPPENED TO YALLS FORK FOUND IN KITCHEN NOW HUH

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Lover 💕

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[buckevantommy]

Bucktommy Fixit where they reconnect next year and become friends - albeit ones who mostly converse via text and only really see each other on calls or running into each other at a bar etc. They don’t actually make plans to hang out, they just keep in touch. But keeping in touch turns into daily text conversations about anything and everything which turns into post-shift phonecalls at least once a week.

Meanwhile: Buck is casually dating, maybe more than one person, because he’s not looking to settle down right now he’s just looking to have some fun and meet some interesting people. But he starts dating one guy a little more seriously, to the point he stops dating others.

Also: Tommy’s been seeing a therapist. And doing art therapy. And trying his damndest not to turn into a sad lonely old man. It was a new year’s resolution kind of thing. He’d dated casually but soon realised it was better to just meet his base needs and focus on platonic relationships - like new friends and old friends, acquaintances and coworkers, and what little family he still talks to. 

Someone asks how Buck’s new boyfriend feels about Buck texting his ex-boyfriend so much (and Buck has mixed feelings about all of that: having an ex-boyfriend and a second boyfriend makes him giddy and conflicted all at once). He starts to wonder if he shouldn’t be texting Tommy so much now that he’s dating someone properly. But he doesn’t get the same want to text his boyfriend about his work day or random things in his life, and when they do text it’s brief and he doesn’t respond to Buck’s rambling trains of thought the same way Tommy does. He thinks it’s fine. Not everyone is a texter. And Tommy is his friend and people text their friends all the time while dating or being married.

But it’s different when it’s an ex. And Buck hasn’t told his current boyfriend that the friend he’s always texting with is an ex. Not that current boyfriend is aware of how much they’re texting or how often they talk on the phone. And current boyfriend knows Buck’s ex is called Tommy. And Buck always just says ‘a friend’ whenever current boyfriend asks who pinged him. Never ‘just’ a friend; Tommy will never be that for Buck, despite everything.

Things come to a head late one night after/during a rough shift or after a fight with Buck’s current boyfriend. Buck calls Tommy and vents because Tommy always lets him vent and always listens to what he has to say, and then he broaches what they haven’t discussed since reconnecting months ago: does Tommy ever think about where they’d be right now if they were still together?Buck has taken responsibility for his part in moving too fast, but he wants to know more about Tommy’s headspace now compared to when things ended between them. It’s curiousity in that ‘what if’ sense, but he also wants to know how Tommy is really doing, if he’s opening himself up to people, letting himself be happy, be loved.

There’d been a closure type of conversation not long after they reconnected, with Tommy apologizing and being sincerely happy for Buck and mentioning how he’s been working on himself a lot in the time since. And buck was happy for him but Tommy held back on details about what exactly he was doing and what that meant for him and his future relationships. He wanted Tommy to want to tell him, so he didn’t pry, but he liked the idea of being a friend Tommy could be open and honest with.

“Evan..”

Tommy knows he hates when he calls him ‘Buck’, but he never actually switched back to ‘Evan’, instead just kind of omitted saying his name altogether. Buck wonders what he’s listed as on Tommy’s phone. On Buck’s phone Tommy is ‘TK’, and he’s told more than one white lie to more than one nosey person that it was a firefighter friend from Texas - gay but happily married. He does keep in touch with T.K., but there’s periods between his letters on Buck’s contact list.

Tommy already said he’s sorry. He’s already told Buck it wasn’t his fault, that he would’ve ended things eventually even if they took their time with every step and that’s on him, it’s his issues and his life, not Buck’s.

“I can’t think about that.”

“I think about it all the time.”

Buck has a boyfriend and he’s happy, but he thinks about his ex-boyfriend slash current friend and what they could’ve looked like today if Buck had found a way to make Tommy believe he wanted all of him. He tells himself it’s to know himself better, to be better prepared and try harder next time. But he’s kidding himself if he says it’s not because he still has feelings for Tommy.

“You have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

And.. he is. He is happy with current boyfriend. But he was happy with Tommy. And he can’t help wondering if he was happier with Tommy than he is right now, or if Tommy was right and his excitement and wonder about being in a queer relationship got muddled up with how he felt about Tommy. He still doesn’t know. He wishes he knew. 

“I was happy with you.” Tommy sighs over the line but Buck doens’t let him cut things off. “I know you think it was puppy love, and that I didn’t know you well enough, but.” But. He knows Tommy better now. Tommy has opened up to him as a friend, sharing personal details about himself and his past - not everything Buck wants to know and he never could bring himself to ask, but he’s learned things about Tommy in these past few months that he wishes he’d known when they were dating. And he wants to know more. He wants to know it all. 

“But?”

“Sometimes, it works backwards.” Sometimes you get to know someone and fall for them, and then you learn dark things about their past or get a better look at their emotional baggage or they go through a rough time. And some people break up because it’s too much or not what they wanted. But some people simply care more, and become stronger together for it. Buck wanted the chance to know Tommy better, to be there with him through the bad times. He never got to find out how things would’ve gone but he thinks he knows his own heart well enough to know he wouldn’t have abandoned or rejected or hated or been fed up with Tommy because he has a past or he’s imperfect or life threw some crap at him.

Buck knows people are more than they seem. He wants to see them for everything they are, to be trusted with that, the same way he wants to be seen in return and wanted anyway.

“What does?”

“Love.”

Sometimes, you love someone more after you learn the bad stuff - or what they think is bad - not less.

Buck breathes in as Tommy remains quiet.

“I didn’t have to know all of you to love you, Tommy. And whatever you think about how I would’ve reacted to the things you didn’t share with me, you’re wrong. I know I would’ve loved you anyway. And not out of pity, or some misguided infatuation, but because knowing you better means getting to love more of you, it means loving you better.”

Tommy doesn’t respond, and when there’s a bleep from Buck’s phone he thinks Tommy hung up - except he didn’t: it’s a facetime request. They’ve done this a few times before but only for something on a call or because it was easier for Buck to show Tommy what he was talking about in realtime rather than try to send through photos and videos.

Tommy fills his screen looking soft around the edges, hair and clothes and face bed-rumpled. His face is drawn into something that threatens to break Buck’s heart again; it beats in aching memory and yearns in equal measure. You’re good, he wants to say, you don’t deserve what you put on yourself.

“Tommy..”

[bunni-v1]

Hnnghh christmas Lighter smut where reader is dressed in nothing but a long ribbon and bow bc he’s been a good boy this year

🍓Did u read my mind? Get outta there… jkjk, but seriously this is EXACLTY what I was thinking about. I really can’t dedicate the time to a full fic, which breaks my little gay heart, but imagine with me if you would… (this is a full fic btw i fucking lied to you and myself)

Tw: Nsfw; kinda rough (not too rough); UNEDITED ITS HORRENDOUS

Mdni

Christmas with the Sons of Calydon is pretty atypical. They have their own traditions that most New Eirduians would scoff at, but they’re rather important to those who live in these parts. Drinking, singing together (usually drunkenly and offkey), taking bike rides out to start a fire and literally burn away past regrets of the year, and of course fights — plenty of fights.

You weren’t exactly a fan of the fighting part, usually meant more work for you to do, but Lighter always seemed to have fun. Obviously he did, he never lost — he hardly broke a sweat for the most part. And he loved showing off, especially if you were there to watch him. Everything else was mostly normal, though… a little odd but custom made to your little ragtag group, and you loved it.

It felt warm, cozy, like family. They passed out gifts, most of them hand made or incredibly thoughtful since money was scarce for most of you. Lighter had gotten you a (rather expensive) bracelet with your and his initials engraved on it. It was sweet, and unexpected from the guy who pretended like the holiday was nothing for the months leading up to it.

It made you melt on the inside and feel nice and warm. However… his nonchalance about the holiday cause you one… teeny tiny, itty bitty problem. You had no clue what to get him, and you hadn’t gotten him anything — time had run out and no one would give you any good hints.

His insistence that you didn’t need to get him anything in return made your stomach ache. It was hard to focus on his fight when your head was rushing with ways to rectify the horrific mistake you’d made quickly. The red ribbon of the jewelry box wrapped around your fingers tightly, then unwound as you mulled over your options.

You could get him something for his bike, but you’d have to drive to the city and it’s unlikely he’d let you go without him — that’s if the stores were even open this late on a holiday. Maybe you could craft up something quick and easy, if you could get back to your place there surely would be something, but… that felt cheap. Especially compared to the bracelet.

“That ribbon’s pretty,” Caesar says next to you, drawing you from your thoughts, “Must’ve been one real fancy place he went to for ya.”

You sigh, leaning back against the wall a little, looking at the ribbon as you twisted it around, “I’m sure it was. He’s so hopeless sometimes.”

“Only because you’re so sweet on him,” She teases, nudging your shoulder lightly.

A laugh huffs out of your chest, then an idea strikes you. The ribbon is pretty. You actually had some like it back at your place, stored away from last years festivities. You twist the ribbon one last time, and then you grin, wide and wild. Lighter catches your eye as he socks his opponent in the jaw, smirking at you like he’d won a prize.

“Hey, Caesar,” You hum, turning to your friend who seemed a little uneasy at your expression, “How long do you think you can keep him distracted for me.”

She hums, watching him thoughtfully, “I’ll buy ya fifteen minutes — wait, why?”

“You’ll hear later~” You hum with a wink, and practically skip back to your place, leaving Caesar alone to deal with your very adrenaline filled boyfriend on her own.

It takes you half the time Caesar said she could get you to find the damn ribbon, and the other half is spent fighting for your life to get the thing on and look at least a little sexy. You tried to recall old articles you’d read on bondage and shibari, but it was hard to do without a guide. You’d managed to get all the good bits wrapped up and hidden, with a few extra crosses to make it look pretty.

You don’t get a chance to check because you hear Lighters heavy footsteps outside the door nearly as soon as you’ve tied the bow comfortably around your neck. Your able to sort’ve arrange yourself seductively on the bed for him just as the front door open and he calls out to you. You could tell he was annoyed from his voice alone. He never liked it when you left his shows early.

“Caesar told me you headed back here,” He called, boots thumping as he threw them off, “We’re you not enjoying the show?”

It’s a tease, you know it is, but there was an underlying annoyance in his voice that sent a tingle up your spine. He pushes the bedroom door open incredibly slowly, to the point you think he’s trying to surprise you with something. You have the gall to feel stupid for a moment right before his eyes land on you, and he stops at he takes in the sight.

There is an audible shudder as his eyebrows raise nearly to his hairline. He takes his sunglasses off, revealing those pretty green eyes that rake in every inch of you with hunger. Then, he smirks, shoving the bedroom door closed with his shoulder already working his gloves and jacket off to the floor. Forgotten without a second thought. The rest of his clothes follow quickly after.

“Merry Christmas!” You cheer, though you’re more nervous than happy. He clearly likes it, according to the quickly growing tent in his pants and how fast he is to strip himself, but he’s a little too quiet for your liking.

He sinks onto the mattress in front of you, hands ghosting around the bright red ribbon. Like if he touches it, it’ll all fall apart in his grasp. He traces each inch of it with careful practiced restraint, following the fabrics flow across your body until he remembers that you are under the fabric and he lands on your face.

His eyes soften when you smile nervously up at him, fingers tracing the apple of your cheek with such admiration it nearly makes you cry. “You like it?” You ask softly, unsure of yourself.

He scoffs like you’re stupid for wondering, “This might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

It draws a genuine laugh out of you, which he follows with his own as he comes down to nuzzle your cheek with his nose. Then a soft kiss that trails down to your lips, easing you into a slow careful dance of love and passion.

He readjusts your position so carefully, you almost don’t notice he’s doing it until he’s between your legs. Pressing them open then pressing his dick to the ribbons wrapping up your folds from him. You’re already dripping, the adrenaline from earlier enough to get you going, but the added friction just makes it worse. You’d never be able to reuse this stuff, that’s for sure.

His hands glide over your stomach, following the ribbon with lazy easy until he’s found the one covering you from him. His thumbs slide under the pieces, rubbing over the flesh of your abdomen gently. It’s then that he pulls away, a string of saliva keeping you connected as he presses his forehead to yours.

“You’re so perfect, you know that?” He murmurs quietly, “You could’ve given me a smile and I would’ve been happy.”

You shy away, “Well… I almost didn’t have anything to get you, but your gift, mmm, inspired me.”

He chuckles at you, reaching down to run his dick against your still covered folds. The silky fabric oddly making everything feel more intense. “I can see that. Very cute, by the way.”

“I know, thank you,” You hum, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he presses the two of you back into a laying position, “Now are you gonna unwrap your present, or are you gonna keep teasing yourself.”

A roll of the eyes and another smirk, “Y’know, I’ve never been a fan of ruining the wrapping paper. Shits expensive… so how about we go nice and slow.”

As he says that, he slides his dick between the ribbon, right up against your throbbing clit. You let out a surprised sound, quickly melting into sighs of pleasure and he fucks into the ribbon. Each push and pull stimulates your aching pussy into gushing out more for him, clenching on nothing as he fucks himself against you at a leisurely pace.

You take the chance to look down, moaning out as he head of him touches your thigh. The sight is something you’d see in a porno. Lighter follows your eyes, smiling to himself when he catches you practically going cross eyed at the sight.

“We look good together, don’t we, sugar?” He purrs. A rare nickname, sweet and extra praiseworthy — just like he thinks you are.

You nod along with him, fluttering your eyes back to his with a dumb little smile. Each drag of his dick makes your toes curl and nails dig into his broad shoulders. He sighs at the sensation, pressing kisses into your skin to quiet himself up. He’d rather listen to you, after all, and this was a gift for him.

His fingers begin to crawl up your body, dancing along the ribbon excitedly. They make sure to stop and tweak your nipples through the fabric, humming when he feels they’re sufficiently hard and sensitive under his touch. Then, finally, they reach the neatly tied bow around your neck.

The tug at it, gently unwrapping it from your neck and pulling it away with ease. Replacing the red of it with his tongue, licking and sucking new marks into the flesh. Your hips stutter against his, and he lets out a groan, squeezing your tit as warning. You whine, but don’t fight him anymore. His hands returning to unraveling the ribbon, pressing into the skin revealed until he is the only thing keeping the ribbon and his dick pressed against you.

You pout a little when he pulls away, pussy aching for friction once his dick is gone. You feel it clench as it looks for him, and god it makes you feel like a whore. He takes your hands from his shoulder and leans over you to tie them to the bed board above your head. You can feel how wet your were at the wrists, especially when he kisses them reassuringly.

“I love you tied up,” He hums, “You’re so pretty when you can’t do anything.”

You pout up at him, but he doesn’t stay to admire the look long, leaning over to the bedside table to grab the condoms. It occurs to you, in a state of lust driven stupor, that he shouldn’t have to fuck his christmas gift with a condom on.

“Ah, wait—“ He raises an eyebrow at you, hand just inches away from the condoms, “Would you wanna do it raw?”

He blinks at you, again surprised in the same way he was when he first saw you. “Are you serious?”

“We don’t have to—“ You quickly try to rectify the situation, but he cuts you off.

“No, no, we definitely have to,” He shakes his head, closing the drawer with one swift motion, “You’re trying to kill me out here, aren’t you?”

You shake your head, but he’s not listening as he pulls you up into the position he likes most. Legs over his shoulders, body bent in half so he can fuck you hard and fast. He gives you a few seconds to adjust to the position, then he’s pressing his dick into you at a painfully slow pace.

It’s because he’s just so big, he always has to go slow, but you wish he’d just fuck you through the pain right now. The stretch is perfect as always, and you suck him in like it’s nothing with how wet you already were.

He cusses when he finally bottoms out, pressing his face into the side of your neck. You can feel his hot breath fan against your skin, tingling deliciously. “Fuck you’re always so tight. I’m never gonna get used to it, sugar.”

You hum, though you’re in no better shape. Shivering and shuddering every inch, and still quaking as he sits still inside you. You play with his hair to distract from how hot you are, and how you wish he’d make you hotter.

He gives himself a moment to calm down, then he presses a kiss you your cheek, readjusts you just a little so your muscles don’t tense up, and then he moves. The first three thrusts are slow and easy, then he starts to slam into you hard.

“Oh fuck—“ You cry out as the deafening smack of his hips into your ass rings out across the room.

The pace he sets is brutal and unrelenting, you were hoping for it all night. The unspent adrenaline from his earlier fights coming right back to fuck you so good you know you won’t be walking tomorrow. Each slap of his balls against your quickly reddening ass is accompanied by a stifled moan.

He watches you with an intensity you weren’t aware he was capable of, eyes drinking in every single inch of your expression. He looked crazed, but that’s what made it so hot. He was obsessed with every little look, every little sound that left you.

“Don’t be quiet, sugar,” He hums, pushing two of his fingers along your bottom row of teeth to force the sounds out.

“They’ll hear—“

“Let ‘em,” He dismisses, “They know you’re mine anyway, who cares.”

You really couldn’t argue with that, especially not when he shifts ever so slight to hit your g-spot head on. A salacious moan rips out of your throat, and your sure Caesar has figured out what you were up to earlier from that alone. He doesn’t stop ripping sounds out of you, though, continuing his brutal pace and hitting that spot so well you think you’re seeing stars.

The build up to your orgasm is so quick you hardly have time to realize it’s happening. One second you’re fine the next your throwing your head back and moaning like a whore.

“Lighter- Baby, I’m— fuck me- god I’m gonna cum, Lighter.” You admit, way too loud for your liking.

He hums, seeming to switch gears and fuck you faster somehow, “Go ahead, I’ve got you. Lemme feel you cum for me.”

You nod, chest rising and falling rapidly as start litter your vision. You think you nearly pass out, but Lighters hard thrusts fuck you through your orgasm. You squeeze him so tight, like you’re trying to milk his own out of him. You want him to fill you up, want to feel his warm cum deep in your belly. Want to see it drip down your thighs and pool onto the bed when he pulls out.

“Cum inside, please.” You beg.

“Fuuuck… ‘re you—“

You nod, “I need it, please cum in me. ‘S part of your present.”

He groans, fisting the sheets next to your head, “Suagr, you’re fuckin’ killin’ me.”

Always one to please, Lighter does exactly as you ask. Filling you to the brim with his thick hot cum. You revel in his moans, and only slightly wish you could curl your nails into his shoulders to leave another christmas gift for the morning.

He eases you into a more comfortable position before collapsing on top of you. His weight is welcome against your spent body, as are the wet kisses he presses into your sore skin. He unties your hand with one of his, and you quickly wrap them up into his hair.

“I love you,” He mumbles into your shoulder, “So much. You’re the best gift a guy can ask for.”

You giggle at the praise, “I love you too, Lighter.”

[rhiannonsknife]

Hey I love your fics! Could you possibly write a part 3 of "is it casual now" where the reader is seemingly moving on from Jackie and it's driving her crazy.

Like she'll leave you notes to come over and watch in absolute shock as you toss them in the garbage.

Or maybe you're getting closer to someone else on the team and she watches you slowly start to show up at games more for someone else who isn't afraid of being close to you.

I feel like it would drive her crazy if it was Shauna because that's her best friend and for once she feels like she's in second place to her.

Or Nat because Jackie sees her as a burnout with a lesser reputation so she feels like she's losing you to someone she sees as lesser than her.

── SECRETLY HOOKING UP WITH JACKIE TAYLOR 2

— summary: secretly hooking up with your teammate. masterlist.

— warnings: fem!reader. mean!jackie. implied internalized homophobia. cheating. toxic relationship dynamics. angst. miscommunication. some nsfw content. so: mdni. again: this takes place at the end of the last year of Highschool. all characters in this are 18+!!

jackie, who only ever wants things to be done on her terms.

so, as established: she sets the tone early: “this doesn’t mean anything.” she’ll remind you after every single interaction, voice steady, like she’s trying to convince herself rather than you. “we’re just having fun until we leave this town! it’s not- i’m not- i’m not…gay, or whatever!” but the way her gaze lingers after you kiss tells a whole different story.

jackie, who pretends not to care but acts insanely territorial with you all the same.

she would hate to put a label on what you have, but she also hates when anyone else so much as looks at you. if one of your teammates compliments you after practice, she’s quick to steer the conversation back to herself, casually draping her arm over your shoulder when no one’s looking. this is obviously contrary to her constant claims of things only "being casual".

jackie, who tries to tell herself that it doesn’t matter when she feels you pulling away.

she’s always been good at hiding her feelings—until her constant lies start to wear on you. sure, you knew it was only supposed to be a one-time thing, but it’s exhausting to watch the girl you’ve clearly fallen in love with return to her boyfriend after every hookup. jackie pretends not to care, even convinces herself she doesn’t, but it still stings. slowly watching you toss aside the notes she leaves in your locker and ignore her usual late-night calls (the ones that used to be your signal to come over) cuts deeper than she’ll ever admit.

jackie, who is insanely jealous.

seeing you getting closer to someone else, (at the same time as you seem to lose interest in her) especially shauna, unravels her. she becomes hyperaware of every glance, every shared laugh, every subtle touch. it feels like a constant stab to her ego. she starts showing up to practice early just to see if you’ll walk in with shauna. and if you do, her mood is already ruined before the session starts. she’s curt with shauna, from this point forward, snappy during drills, and visibly distracted during scrimmages.

jackie, who’s genuinely desperate to “win you back” without even noticing herself.

i mean, it’s only normal that she misses someone she used to spent all of her time with, right? it’s normal to think about you all the time, especially when she’s having the worst mediocre sex with jeff and starts to picture you instead, right? surely, everyone does that!! jackie continues to leave secret notes in your locker like she used to, but you don’t respond the way you used to. when you toss them without reading them, she’s stunned and, yet, even more determined. she starts lingering near you after practice, finding excuses to talk to you, hoping you’ll give her a hint that you’re not over her yet. if you walk away, (specifically if you call for shauna to wait up) she’ll stew over it all night. even in games it’s not the same as it used to: jackie tries to make sure you notice her. she’ll play harder, score more, and make dramatic plays to catch your attention. if she scores a goal or makes a killer assist, she’ll glance at you first to see if you’re watching.

jackie, who’s simply not able to get over the shauna factor.

she’s in bed, late at night, unable to find sleep. instead, she’s overthinking every single interaction. it’s not like her at all to overthink. sure, she worries about her reputation -more than she cares to admit- but she’s also well aware that she’s in a secure position in the school’s hierarchy. she shouldn’t worry about your opinion. she shouldn’t worry about what you seem to see in shauna, of all people. jackie pretends like it doesn’t bother her, but everyone notices that something is off between her and shauna: she’ll act cold towards her or start throwing subtle shade in casual conversations.

jackie, who tries to get a rise out of you in return.

fed up with herself and her own reactions, jackie decides to give you a taste of your own “medicine”: she starts flaunting her relationship with jeff more than usual, hoping to make you jealous in return. she’ll sit on his lap at parties, laugh loudly at his jokes, and make sure you can see her holding his hand from across the room. but it doesn’t have the effect she hopes for: it only makes her feel more hollow. more empty. whereas you’re long used to the fact that you will never be jackie’s first choice. you can’t even pretend to be surprised that she’s letting it show now that you're no longer giving you the attention she wants.

jackie, whose behavior is affecting the whole team at this rate.

when you start openly cheering on shauna or someone else on the team, jackie will become more competitive. she’ll try to outshine them in every way, subtly one-upping them during games or practices, hoping you’ll notice. the rest of the team starts to pick up on the tension between you, jackie, and whoever you’re gravitating toward. nat might roll her eyes at her possessiveness or pull you aside: “look whatever the fuck is going on with you and taylor” she hisses. “you go talk to her”. laura lee tries to mediate in her gentle way, while taissa, ever the practical one, will tell jackie to “get her act together” before she messes up the team’s chances at state.

yet even if jackie does pull you aside after the rest of the yellowjackets insist on you guys sorting your shit out…

…it’s to no avail. jackie might corner you after practice, her frustration finally spilling over. “what are you doing with her?” she demands, her voice sharp. “you don’t- you don’t even like her like that!” and still: she’ll go back to jeff the next day, pretending like nothing happened. pretending like she didn’t let her guard down, in a way, and showed you the jealous side of her she’d been trying so hard to hide.

jackie, who can’t stay far from you.

and, truthfully, you can’t stay away from her either. the two of you always gravitate back towards the other, whether it’s any good or not. having her, if just for one short moment, seems worth all the hurt it’ll cost. it starts out innocently enough, anyway. too innocently. you’re both in the locker room after practice, the last ones there. you’re at your locker, focused on packing up, and jackie lingers just a little too long. “you were with her the whole day. again.” she points out, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. when you don’t immediately answer, she takes a step closer, her voice dropping. “do you really think she gets you the way i do?”

you try to walk away, tired of her games and afraid you’ll tell her something you might regret, but jackie’s hand catches your wrist. it’s not rough, but firm enough to stop you.

“jackie don’t,” you warn, but your voice isn’t as steady as you’d like. her grip softens, her thumb brushing against your skin. it’s such a small, familiar gesture, and yet it is pulling you right back in.

the tension only builds as she steps closer, her voice barely above a whisper. “i can’t stop thinking about you,” she admits, and her vulnerability catches you off guard. for once, jackie isn’t trying to be in control. she’s just laying it all out there.

before you can respond, or even take it all in, her lips are on yours. the kiss is desperate, messy, and filled with weeks of pent-up frustration. you know it’s a bad idea, but it’s the only thing you know how to do. and it doesn’t stop with that kiss, either. it never does. you find yourself pressed against the cold metal of the lockers, her hands gripping your waist like she’s terrified you’ll pull away.

jackie is on her knees before you even know it, pulling down your shorts and underwear all in one go. when she puts her mouth on you, she’s the one who moans, her eyes rolling back in her attempt to look up at you. it’s a rare occasion for jackie to be on the giving end, to begin with, but the way she eats you out that day will stay with you -forever the best head you’ve received. it’s quick, it’s hard and fast, and so good.

the whole thing is rushed and reckless, like you’re both trying to make up for lost time. but afterward, when you’re catching your breath and fixing your clothes, reality starts to creep back in. jackie’s eyes are on you, wide and uncertain, as she gives you some space, like she’s just as scared of what this means as you are.

jackie, who falls back into old patterns with you like you were never even gone from her.

after that first moment, it’s impossible to stay away. she’s not willing to lose that little you've had ever again. jackie starts leaving you notes more frequently again. not to confront you this time, but to arrange secret meetups. you read every single one of them in spite of yourself. “behind the bleachers after practice” “jeff’s busy tonight. come over.” all signed off with a loopy -J. it is almost like the conflict never even happened. almost, because you’re not just sneaking around for fun anymore. you’re both purposefully avoiding confronting what’s really happening between you, instead focusing on the new intensity of each hookup: the way she’ll whisper your name under her breath when you make her come undone on your mouth, the way you desperately cling to each other as you both try not to be the first to stumble over the edge, the way she’ll ask you to say things to her, claiming that they don’t mean anything. (“tell me you want me. tell me you need me”. “promise me this isn’t the last time”. “tell me you think about me when you’re all by yourself”…)

jackie and you both fall into a constant state of pushing the other away and pulling them right back in.

every time you tell yourself it’s the last time, jackie pulls you back in. she knows exactly how to break your resolve by now, whether it’s a soft look during practice, brushing her fingers against yours when no one’s looking, or whispering your name in a way that makes your knees weak. but it’s not one-sided: jackie tries to pull away too, telling herself she needs to focus on jeff and her perfect life. and yet, the second she sees you laughing with someone else who’s not her, or notices the slightest change in your demeanor, her own resolve shatters and she has to drag you into an empty room to remind you that you’re hers by shoving her hand down your pants.

jackie, whose anger starts to turn into passion.

it should piss her off, really, how she can’t even be angry at you without simultaneously wanting you. she’s been aware of the effect you had on her, subconsciously, at least. yet the anger had always been hers. a small act of rebellion against her confusing, unbearable feelings for you. now, even her rage is yours. the tension between you two doesn’t just show up in quiet moments: it explodes in arguments. “you don’t own me, jackie,” you snap at her and she fires back, “you don’t get to move on like this”

“move on from what?” you’ll then scoff, thinking you have her. she’s the one who claims that she doesn’t want you. she’s the one running back to jeff.

yet it all ends the same way: you never get your answer, instead, jackie kisses you mid-sentence, silencing whatever protest you still had. and, as much as you hate to admit it, it works. she has you on your knees for her in no time, lapping up her arousal while she’s got her head thrown back in pleasure, a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle her sighs.

jackie, who always finds ways to keep you around somehow.

maybe it’s because she’s jackie taylor and there’s never been anything in her picture-perfect life that she couldn’t have. but, no matter what, she’s got you wrapped around her finger. there’s no way out for you. you’re pathetic, and the worst part is that you know damn well, and yet you’re still willing to go this far for her. in school/public in general, jackie is the ultimate golden girl: polite, charming, and always keeping up appearances. however, when it’s just the two of you, she’s all quiet desperation and need, pulling you into closets or sneaking you into her car just to feel close to you. whether she’d ever admit it or not, jackie loves the thrill of secrecy.

jackie, who starts bending her own rules.

she’s the one who set the “no strings attached” boundaries, but now she’s the one struggling to keep them, the closer graduation gets. it’s in the little things: at a party, she grabs your wrist a little too hard when you try to walk away from her. “we need to talk,” she insists, dragging you into an empty room. she doesn’t seem to care that someone might notice you leaving together; she just needs to feel like she still has control. but her desperation is palpable, and for once, she doesn’t even try to hide it. the truth is, you’re the only thing that feels real to her. and, with the final weeks of school fast approaching, jackie begins to realize how close she is to losing that. her jealousy, her need for control, her denial: they’re all spiraling out of her grasp.

jackie, who’s so clearly falling in love with you, who has known this from the start, and is still in denial about it.

she notices everything about you, from the way your nose scrunches up when you’re thinking to the way your laugh sounds when you’re genuinely happy. maybe it’s because she’s staring at you 90% of her time, whether it’s in class or during practice. she won’t ever say it outright, but she loves how your presence makes her feel grounded. around you, she can be herself without all the pressure to keep up her reputation. if anyone ever notices though, jackie will instantly turn them down. maybe it’s tai, who obviously knows a thing or two about hiding, or shauna who is noticing that something is off with her best friend and that you seem to have something to do with with. either way, she turns them down without batting an eye: “me and them? you’re crazy!” she laughs with a dismissive wave of her hand. later, when it’s just the two of you, she’ll look at you with guilt in her eyes. “you know i didn’t mean it, right?” jackie will ask softly.

jackie, who is stuck in a never ending cycle.

the two of you aren’t exactly compatible…turns out it is worse when you fight, though, so it’s seemingly easier to try and avoid conflict and go back to how things were: sex and hookups with “no strings attached”. you know it’s messy and complicated. it’s pointless, even, considering you’re well aware that you’re in love with her. but something about her keeps you coming back, no matter how much it hurts. you won’t be able to ignore your feelings for jackie forever, but you will for the time being if it means you get to have her temporarily.

jackie, who wants to make things right, but doesn't know how to.

even when things are going well, she finds ways to mess it up. after a particularly tender moment between you, she’ll say something cutting, something meant to remind you (and herself) that this isn’t real. it couldn't be, could it? “you know this doesn’t change anything, right?” she’ll say, her voice cool and detached. by the time she sees the hurt flash across your face, the damage is already done. you’re the only one who knows the jackie beneath the perfection: the girl who’s scared of not being enough. she’s terrified you’ll leave her for good, but she doesn’t know how to ask you to stay, either. it's why she does what she always does: to push you away first. it’s like she doesn’t know how to be with you properly. jackie tells herself it’s because it’s nothing serious, but the truth is that she’d never been in love before: with jeff, it’s only easy because she doesn’t want him like that. she doesn’t want him at all. it’s easy because she doesn’t care about him the way she should. with you, she doesn’t have to pretend, the care comes naturally, against her own will. no rule or boundary could stop the way she has so hopelessly fallen in love with you. and, deep down, jackie knows that. she knows that she’s fucked.

— okay, so, i have no idea where i’m going with this but with the amount of requests i’ve been receiving for another part, i’m pretty sure this won’t be the last one in this series. if anyone as any more ideas/thoughts on this whole scenario: feel free to share them!! <33 other than that thank you for reading! i promise i hear how much you guys love the jackie angst!!

[steddiehyperfixation]

eddie munson has only ever been kissed in clubs, in crowds, under deafening music and flashing lights with more alcohol in his veins than blood. he knows what it's like to kiss rough and want carnally, to be pushed against walls and dragged into bathroom stalls.

but what is it like to kiss someone and have it mean something? what is it like to know someone's soul, or even just their name, before their lips, before their body?

what is it like to kiss someone and feel something? what is it like to have a kiss make your heart beat louder than the music and set off fireworks in your body brighter than the flashing lights?

that's something he's never known, something he's starting to believe he never will. maybe it's something he's not even capable of knowing.

he's loved before, never been loved in return. the men he's cared for, fallen for, in any real way were always ones who would never be able to care for him the same. the only men willing to kiss him are the ones who dance away at the end of the night and leave only faceless, nameless memories in his hazy mind.

until steve harrington. until a chance encounter in a gay club with a high school crush years after high school has ended.

it's the same old story: too-loud music and strobe lights; drunk and dancing closer, trading glances and smirks until hands land on waists and slide over hips and lips crash together and bodies collide. it's the same old story: kissing hard and wandering hands and grinding hips; eddie gets pressed back into the gross wall damp with the humid sweat of all the other bodies in the room.

but steve doesn't dance away at the end of it. he pulls away with a grin, keeping his fingers entangled with eddie's as he jumps and shouts along to the lyrics of the song that just came on. he dances with eddie innocently then, just for the fun of it, not like he's trying to get any more out of him.

and when he tugs on eddie's hand and drags him from the dance floor, it's not to a bathroom stall but to the bar where he buys eddie a drink and they talk. they catch up on all the years that have passed between them, trade stories and laughter and banter that reawaken eddie's old crush and set it aflutter in his stomach like he's 17 again.

eventually they return to the dance floor. ("i love this song!" steve gasps, eyes lighting up, and how could eddie refuse?). after a song or two, steve pulls eddie into another kiss, hands and lips softer than before, yet still just as passionate.

and the music is still deafening and the lights are still flashing, but this time, finally, eddie's heartbeat is louder, the fireworks brighter.

(ao3)